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Chapter 6: What Sean Wants To Do With Me I came back down wearing a pair of shorts and Uncle Sean had the stew on the table for me. “What are you wearing?” Uncle Sean asked. “Just a pair of shorts.” He sighed. “You don’t plan to go to the toilet until you can’t hold it anymore, do you?” I looked down. “I just want to be a big girl like my sisters.” He nodded. “Well, I already think you are a big girl like them. Whether you go to the toilet or not is not going to make you a big girl or a baby.” “It’s not?” “No. But wearing wet shorts against your privates for any length of time is going to make you very uncomfortable.” “But I don’t pee my pants in the day…,” but I had to stop. I do too, now. I just did it today, just before. I lowered my head. “I used to not to.” Uncle Sean got up and walked over and kneeling behind my hair, he whispered in my ear. “Honey, you don’t,” he told me. “You were out back there, and the toilet was too far away. It doesn’t count if you pee your pants out where the animals are, okay?” “It doesn’t?” “No. But I do have another idea, if you’d like to try it so you really don’t need to pee your pants out back there.” “I … um… what is it?” “Well, you can wear a skirt, and hopefully you are wearing regular panties and not your bedtime things?” “I am….” “Well, if you wear a skirt, then you can just pee in front of me, and you can adjust your panties so they get out of the way of the pee, and your skirt will cover you so you won’t have to be scared of being watched.” “Um….” “It’s okay,” Sean put a hand on my shoulder. “I’d really like you to do this for me.” “Why?” “Because I don’t want you holding it until I go back to the house all the time. I won’t get my chores done if I keep bringing you back, and I don’t want you holding it like that anymore. I promise, this compromise will mean you can pee when you want, and you won’t be going in your pants.” “Okay,” I sighed. “If you want me to….” “I do, sweetheart.”   After lunch, Uncle took me by the hand and led me up to the bathroom. “Go ahead and try just so you start out comfortable,” he told me. “Then I’ll show you some more of the fences I want to fix.” “Okay.” He closed the door for me, and didn’t watch, but I still couldn’t get any to come out. I had already done it in my pants earlier, so with a sigh, I pulled up my skirt that Uncle insisted that I wear, and after washing my hands, I came out of the bathroom. “Just let me know when you want to go potty again,” Uncle told me. “If you let me know that’s what you want to do, and you go where I tell you I think is safe, I won’t come looking for you until you’ve had time to go, okay?” I nodded. “But I don’t really care if you watch me. Anyway, wasn’t the skirt so I can just go in front of you and you won’t have to see?” “I did say that, yeah. But still, people usually like a little privacy, and as long as it’s same to do so, I’d like to give you your privacy, sweetie.” “Okay.” We started to go out back and we peeked on Olive-Spot first thing. She was in the pasture, but Uncle pointed her out from a far. “We don’t want to disturb them while they are out there. See?” He pointed at rather large imposing black bull. “He’ll run us through if we disturb his family without reason. He can be ornery, but I keep him because I know with him around, wolves are going to think twice before trying to get in at our other animals.” “What about the dog?” I pointed at the dog that was lying close by. “Oh, that was Toby’s dog,” Uncle Sean frowned. “He’s very gentle, but since Toby died, we hadn’t really been expecting much from him, and now he’s pretty old. I just take care of it because that’s what Toby would have wanted.” “He doesn’t come into the house.” “No, he doesn’t. He hasn’t been in the house since maybe a week after Toby died. At first, he had been banished from coming in because of grief, and we didn’t really know what we were doing. We blamed the poor sweet animal, but once our senses came back to us, he hasn’t really found a desire to come into the house after that.” “Poor dog.” “Yeah. Humans can be very cruel when we are grieving a loss.” I looked sadly at the dog. “He’s very gentle. If you wanted to, I think think he’d let you pet him.” I nodded and started to slowly approached him. The dog’s tail thumped on the dirt and he lowered his head into my hand. “What do you know of the boy’s death?” I asked him. “It’s name is Ore,” Uncle Sean told me at last. “Toby asked where gold came from, and he was only four at the time, but when I told him its from a rock, an ore, I don’t think he really understood, but he liked the name Ore, so that’s been the dog’s name ever since.” “I’ve never heard you call its name.” “No. I don’t really feel that attached to Ore. It’s probably because I’m afraid that if I get too close to him…, well, I don’t know exactly. I just don’t want to get too close to him.” “But it’s okay if I do?” “Sure,” Uncle Sean said. “I don’t think Ore had anything at all to do with Toby’s accident. It was just a tragic thing that happened, and he was probably found there, because he was trying to help him.” I nodded. “So, you are sure it’s not the dog’s fault, but you still don’t really forgive him?” “No, honey, there is nothing to forgive. I don’t blame Ore at all. I just don’t have it in my heart to really love him right now, and I think Ore understands. Dogs are very smart creatures.” “It’s still sad,” I looked up at Uncle Sean as I pet the old dog. “I bet Ore could be a lot more help around the farm than I could be.” “Maybe,” Uncle Sean smiled. “But sometimes, things are really hard, honey.” “I know. And it’s like you said. I think Ore knows, and I think he’s still around because he forgives you for blaming him. He’s probably just waiting for you to accept him again.” Uncle Sean frowned and looked down. “Well, we have some fences to mend.” “Can Ore come?” “He’s a free creature. He can do what he likes.” I called him, and we all walked towards the first of many fences that Uncle wanted to fix.   We came to a broken section that had several missing boards for nearly three parts of the fence. This was where he kept some goats, and I could see the goats just beyond, grazing on the grass out there. “What kind of animals are those?” I asked wondering because I had not seen a goat up close before, and the pictures of them always showed them all with horns. “Those are goats, sweetheart.” “Where are their horns?” “Horns?” he chuckled. “Well, not all goats have horns.” I frowned. “They don’t?” “No, sweetheart.” He started to measure some points on the first pole, where he’d replace one of the boards that was broken off, and then he measured points on another pole, and he smiled up at me. “We’ll be replacing the boards between these poles.” “Those don’t look dangerous,” I told Uncle Sean. “Now. I’m not going to be replacing the fence anywhere near the dangerous animals,” he told me. “Not while you are out here with me. The further you are kept from the more aggressive animals, the better.” “Okay.”   “Sweetheart? How strong are you?” Uncle Sean asked me. I balled up my fist and rose my arm like you see those men that show off their muscles do, and I presented my little lump in my arm at him. It wasn’t very big at all, but it was stiff. It didn’t sag the way Popeye’s arm did before he ate his spinach. Uncle Sean felt my arm, and he gave me a serious looked. “Okay, then let’s see.” I looked up at him. “I’m going to put this board up here, and use this other one to hold it in place. I’d like you to hold the piece that holds it in place, and lean on the main fence board so I can work on the other side of the fence hammering it into place. Can you try that?” “Of course! I’m strong,” I said proudly. “Okay, but if it gets too heavy or it hurts your hands, you are to jump back and away from it so the board doesn’t hit you, understand?” I looked up at him. “I mean it, tiger. I don’t want you getting hurt. How about we practice you jumping away first?” I looked up at him. Was this for real? He held the boards together and I watched, and then I saw him jump back releasing the boards. “Can you do it just like that?” I nodded. He did it a few times with me until I laughed about it. He smiled, too. Though I knew he didn’t want me to get hurt, I couldn’t tell if he was doing this for practice, or if he was kind of playing with me, but he did make it fun to practice. “Okay,” he smiled as it seemed I had caught on. “One more thing. If you see a snake, try not to move. Most snakes are not aggressive if you don’t move. You are a little too big for most of them to be interested in eating you, and if you are quiet and don’t move, then you are not a threat to them, either.” “Okay.” “You stay perfectly still if you see one, and even if I yell at you, you stay still. I’ll come and see why you are not responding to me, and I’d rather you disobey me and not get bit than you try to come when I call you, and the snake get scared and bite you. Okay?” “Okay.” The other end of the board wasn’t that far away though. I think he could have easily seen if a snake was near me, but maybe he was just trying to teach me how not to get bit if I wasn’t near him. I wasn’t sure. He sure didn’t like me being far from him though. He was really upset earlier when I just went to find a broom to help him. I don’t know how long it took to repair those three sections, but I was kind of hot out there, though by then, we’d been outside pretty much all morning, and at least an hour into the afternoon. “Are you drinking your water?” Uncle Sean asked me. “Oh, I’m not thirsty,” I told him. I was hot, but I didn’t really think about drinking anything until he asked about it. He had given me a strange container to drink from when we came back from lunch. “It’s a water flask,” he had told me when we came out earlier. “It’s what the pioneers used when they were traveling west.” “I thought they used canteens,” I said referring to the rounded things I had seen on the westerns. “No, sweetie, those were used some later, but most people used water flasks first. Canteens were invented a lot later.” “They were?” Anyway, I pulled my flask off my hip, it was dangling there tied around a belt Uncle Sean had put on me. I thought the belt as to hold my skirt up at first, but when he put the water thing there, then I understood why it wasn’t doing anything to hold the skirt, not that the skirt needed it. It fit me just fine thought it was kind of stained from me always sitting on the ground back at home. “Go ahead, honey. Drink some,” he smiled and took a drink from his own flask. “We still have a lot of work to do, and I don’t want you getting tired or too hot out here.” “Okay.” Though I didn’t understand why he said he didn’t want me to get tired, or what water had to do with it.   Section by section, we repaired the three segments of the fence that Uncle Sean wanted, and I was really helping him. I could hold up one side of the board, well, at least keep it held up and in place with the stick Uncle asked me to hold against the loose wood, and he even let me hit the fence several times with the hammer. The first time I tried to use the hammer, it was a little harder than I thought. “That’s it,” Uncle Sean encouraged me. “Now, step to the side, and swing the hammer at the nail.” I did what he said, and then it hit the wood instead, denting it some. I looked down. “Honey, try again,” he one hand on my shoulder. “Do you think I hit he nail perfectly the first time I tried?” “But you at least hit the nail?” I asked. “No, sweetheart. I didn’t. The nail is a very small surface, and it takes practice to hit it. “Now, no giving up, okay? Shelley keeps telling me how much help you are, and you can’t be much help if you give up so easily, now can you?” I frowned shaking my head. “I’m not giving up. I just didn’t want to ruin your fence.” “Baby, we are replacing this area because it was already damaged. It won’t hurt anything if we have to put a few extra nails in, alright?” “Okay.” “Now, try again. You can do it.” I missed the nail like ten or twenty times, but Uncle kept telling me to hit it until finally, I did! I hit it. I got so excited, I nearly forgot what the goal was and was jumping up and down excited that I pushed the nail in a little bit more. “Sweetheart, sweetie! Baby! Samantha!” Uncle had to call at me several times before I looked up from celebrating. “The nail isn’t all the way in, yet. Please do it again.” “Oh,” I felt my face get a little red. “It’s okay,” he chuckled. “I can’t remember one kid that didn’t get excited the first time they hit the nail right, myself included. But we can’t forget about the fence, okay?” “Yes, sir.” He rubbed my head. “Hit the nail, baby.” I took aim, and missed the nail three more times, and then hit it hard, and it sank some more. Uncle smiled at me and nodded at the board each time, and eventually, I got the nail in. “Shelley was right. You really are a great help, sweetie!” I felt myself blush again. I don’t know why they said I was help, but it felt good every time they did, and I did get the nail in all by myself, too. We left the goats, and Uncle took me to the produce growing area, where he had potatoes, watermelon, and other things growing. “I’m going to enter that one at the fair contest next month,” Uncle Sean pointed out a giant watermelon. “I’ve been working on that one for sometime, and I think it might be the biggest one yet.” “Am I going to the fair, too?” I asked. “Of course, sweetie. We’ll not be leaving you out of any of the fun this summer.” I smiled. We waded through fields with onions, cucumbers, and others things, too. Uncle showed me what he as doing as we went through the fields. I was drinking my water properly now as it got really hot, and Uncle was drinking his, too.   “How are you feeling, baby?” he asked me after we had done a lot of amazing things. I could now see why Uncle spent a long time out in the field, but it made me wonder why daddy didn’t. “Great!” I said smiling up at him. He put an arm around me. “I need a moment, but I don’t want you anywhere dangerous, so can you hang out over here?” he asked me directing me a place where I could see the horses. “Yeah. I can wait here for you.” I didn’t want to be a problem for Uncle.   I looked at the prized watermelon and some of the other things they were growing while Uncle took a little time to do something he didn’t want me to see. I supposed that if he wasn’t taking me back to the house, like every five minutes, then maybe he was doing the same thing he would have wanted me to do…. I didn’t really mind though. I’d pulled my pants down at our own place when I was by myself in the fields, only if daddy caught me, and he sometimes did, I’d get it for behaving like an animal instead of a little girl. “Now, we can go ahead and go start rounding up the animals,” Uncle told me. “It’s about time to start directing them back to their sleeping places so they can be safe for the night. As I told you before, there are dangerous things out there, even things that can kill the larger animals.” “Yes, sir.” He rubbed my head and then took me by the hand as we went to get the goats first. Uncle didn’t want me to go anywhere without telling him, and I kind of understood, now, that it wasn’t that he was controlling me, but because he really thought there were things out there that could hurt me. I still thought he was just being a worrier though because snakes had never bothered me before, and I was assured that our place back home had a lot of them, too. He let me touch one of the goats for a moment after we put them in their little inside space.   “You’re a cute little guy,” I told the goat I touched on the head. It looked at me with its rather large round eyes. “That one is Splutterdiggs,” Uncle told me. “That’s a funny name.” “Well, I call him that because of the way he behaves, sweetie. He can be ornery at times.”   We left the goats, and Uncle Sean put a hand around my shoulder as we walked out towards the cows. “It’s pretty out here,” I told Uncle as I saw the sky starting to take on a sort of an orange-like hue. “It is, sometimes, yeah,” he smiled down at me. “This is why I live out here, and have never really liked it in the city. Cities are crowded, you nearly never see the stars at night, and it’s hard to find an open enough space to even see the sky change colors in the early morning or the late evenings.” I nodded. I didn’t know what he was talking about since I had lived on a farm all my life and had known nothing but the large expansive sky overhead. Daddy never got me up early enough, really, to enjoy the early morning, and I rarely ever saw the sky change colors in the evening because I always had to be inside long before that. We came upon the cows, and Uncle Sean pointed out a place behind where the main gate swung open. “I want you behind there,” he told me. “Why?” “Sometimes, the cows can come charging out of the gate, and they aren’t going to run into the fence because it hurts them to do so, for the most part.” “Oh.” Uncle then walked into the area, and as he did so, he grabbed some rope that was hanging off a pole of the fence. I kind of wanted to pee. Uncle told me the reason for wearing a skirt was so I could pee in front of him and not have to worry about being watched, but I had panties on. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to not get my panties wet, so I kept holding it. I’d ask him after he finished getting the cows to come out of the pasture. Though Uncle had worried about them charging out of the fence, it seemed they were pretty calm at this time, and Uncle was leading one of the brown cows, closely behind it, the big strong snorting bull was in tow, and then the other cows were coming along. I saw Olive-Spot, and I came out from behind the fence and walked towards her. The big cow next to her lowered her head at me, and looked into my eyes with one of her great orbs as if daring me to touch her baby. “I’m not going to hurt her, I promise,” I crossed my heart with my fingers at the cow. “We’re just taking you home so your baby will be safe.” The cow kept staring at me, and she swished her tail, but she seemed to let me walk with them just the same.   We got the cows put into their holding areas, and I hurried to Uncle’s side. “Excuse me, sir?” He bent down and pushed a stand of hair from my eyes and around my ear. “Yes, sweetheart?” “I have to pee….” He nodded. “If you want a little privacy, we can walk around to the back, and then I’ll wait around the corner for you.” “Well, you said that it’s dangerous, and you told me I’m wearing a skirt so I can just do it, but I’m not sure how to keep my panties dry if I just do it.” “Oh, well, you and turn around and pull your panties off, and hold them while you go, and spread your legs out a bit, but stand up kind of straight, and it should just go straight to the ground. You can go ahead and remove your panties in here, and I’ll turn my back until you take them off.” I looked up at him. “And it’s okay to do this?” “Sweetie, anything is better than you running off on your own. If you are uncomfortable doing this, then you can go around the corner from me, or if that’s scary, you can even just wet through your panties, it’s up to you, sweetheart.” “I don’t pee my pants, Uncle.” “I know, sweetheart. That’s why I insisted you wear a skirt, so you have some options open that still kind of keep you decent, but will let you pee without it getting all over you.” “That’s still kind of like peeing my pants, though, isn’t it?” I asked Uncle. “Honey, what do you mean? If you spread your legs and pee on the ground under your skirt, the only thing that will get wet, if you don’t remove them, is your panties.” I looked down. “I… I don’t want to pull down my panties outside.” “You don’t have to, honey.” “But then I’ll be wetting my pants?” He sighed. “Well, I’m almost done out here anyway. If you promise to go straight to the house, and don’t come back out after you are done. Just play or something in the house if Shelley isn’t back?” “But you don’t want me to go to the house by myself?” “It’s not my first choice, no,” he frowned. “We are still a little ways from it, and if you met a snake or something on the way….” I sighed and looked down. “I’ve not seen a snake at all, though.” “I know. They usually hide around very large animals, but I still worry about you.” “I… do you want me to wet my pants?” I whispered up at him trying to get a read. “No, sweetheart. I don’t want you to do anything that would scare you or make you feel bad. Wetting your pants at eight years old doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in yourself.” “So…, you are saying…?” I asked. He frowned at me. “Honey? Don’t you understand? I’m saying I don’t want you to do anything that makes you feel bad about yourself.” “So…?” He sighed. “Don’t pee your pants, baby.” “I don’t know how long I can wait.” “Okay. Well, you can go behind a building and I’ll be around a corner in case you need me, you can just go under your skirt, or you can go back home.” “But you don’t want me to walk back to the house on my own.” “No, honey, I don’t want that, but if it’s the only way to not make you pee your pants, then I don’t see what choice I have. Your health and happiness come first.” “I can hold it.” “No, sweetie. That’s the one thing I do not want you to do anymore. You’re holding it too long, and as it is, I bet you’ve already been waiting, haven’t you?” I looked down. “Yes sir.” “So either way, you need to pee right now. The options are, around the corner, under your skirt or back at the house.” I squirmed for a moment. “I… I don’t want to worry you, so I’ll do it here, but….” “You don’t know if you want to do it under your skirt or around a corner?” I nodded. “How about this? Just reach inside your skirt and pull your panties off, and you can do that over there behind the hay bails, and then we can come outside, and you can pee on the ground, and then you can go back behind the hay bails to put your panties back on?” “I won’t be able to wipe.” “I know, but at least you won’t have to pee in your panties, and we can have you change your panties when we get back to the house.” “Okay.”   I understood why he didn’t want me to just pee behind the hay bails, because they were still inside the building. And at least, this way, I didn’t wet my pants, so I did what he said.   We eventually got all the animals inside, and were headed back to the house. Uncle Sean was holding my hand. “When we get inside, you can go up and wash yourself off in the bathroom a little bit, and then put on some clean panties. Just put the dirty ones by your other clothes. I’ll make sure Shelley knows you didn’t wet again, but I just had you change because you didn’t have anything to wipe with this time.” I nodded. “Have you never peed outside at your own farm?” he asked me. “Well, I did,” I frowned looking down. “I mean, I did all the time, actually, but I was by myself. No one knew I was doing it.” He smiled. “So, you were scared to do it because I was there, or because I knew about it?” “Both,” I admitted. “I was kind of scared of getting in trouble for it, and kind of embarrassed. I had never even done it if my sisters were close by.” “Well, as long as you have privacy, I don’t see it as being a big deal,” Uncle Sean said. “People have been going out in nature since before the idea of cities, and when people camp, unless they are at a modern fancy campsite, they still have to do it outside.” I frowned. “Daddy once caught Leah going outside, and I think we were camping, even, but he got really mad at her. She got it good for that, and then she wasn’t allowed to play even with the older sisters watching her. He watched her the whole time.” Uncle Sean frowned. “Well, I suppose you were at a modern campsite where there were people around?” I shrugged. “Probably.” “Even still,” he sighed. “I don’t think he should have spanked her. When did this happen?” “I don’t remember, I think maybe the year before last?” “So you were around six at the time?” “Yeah.” “And that would have made her around eight?” “I think so….” Uncle Sean shook his head. “Well, even if he needed to explain to her not to do that around other people, he shouldn’t have spanked her.”   We went in the house, and I really felt my mouth get wide and my heart fill with delight as I saw Aunt Shelley in the kitchen working on something. “Did you have fun out back?” she asked me with a smile. “I did…,” I smiled. “Except I was bad before lunch.” Uncle Sean shook his head at Aunt Shelley. “She wasn’t bad. She just forgot the rule not to leave my sight, and it turned out she had to go potty.” “...And I peed my pants,” I finished telling on myself so I wasn’t lying to her. She said no secrets and no lying at her house. “She did have an accident,” Uncle Sean confirmed. “That’s why she’s in a skirt now and not the jeans from earlier. I figured a skirt would make it easier for her to go without being exposed if she had to do it in front of me.” Aunt Shelley smiled and walked over, and hugged me. “She’s been dry since then, though, and we did let her go like twice while we were working. The last time, she was still too nervous, and I had to direct her, but she pulled off her underpants behind a hay bail, and then peed on the ground outside before putting them back on again. She really has to be watched, or she’ll hold it until it’s impossible for her.” Aunt Shelley nodded. “I know. Poor child. I’m going to take her to clean her up.” “Sure. Anything I can do to help you stay on schedule with dinner?” “Not really. I just came in the door about a minute before you did, so it’s going to be late one way or another.” “Well, I’ll start peeling the potatoes then,” Uncle Sean said, and then Aunt Shelley took me by the hand took me to take a bath.   Later in the evening, Uncle Sean had me in his arms, and I was sitting on his lap watching television, both Uncle and Aunt right there. I felt pretty happy at the moment, and I felt my eyes getting heavy. I was glad I was there, and slowly my breathing was slowing, and my eyes were getting heavy. I was safe, and even if I peed right now, Auntie would call it bed wetting, and I wouldn’t be in trouble.   The darkness of my closed eyes had cleared. I looked around, in the empty school halls, but I could only see one figure, force marching from the fifth grade rooms towards the toilets. I frowned as the figure got closer to me, and then she turned right into the toilets not even recognizing me. I think it was Leah. I walked into the bathroom behind her, but I didn’t end up in the bathroom. I was in the office, and daddy was there, and he had swatted me on the thighs to sit still while the principal was telling him something. “She pushed a first grader on the playground,” my dad was told. “Now, fighting at school isn’t even tolerated, but certainly picking on younger kids is something that has to be taken seriously. She’s a bully!” I felt tears in my eyes as the principal had taken the other kids’ word at value and ignored what really happened.   Daddy yanked me by the arm, and I was having to nearly run to keep up with him as he pulled me around through the halls, and then we came face to face with Leah. She was coming out of the bathroom. “Where is your class?” he demanded of her. “Um… in the classroom?” I saw Leah shaking a little bit. She knew she was in trouble. She broke the rules.   I woke up and was shaking myself. I opened my eyes, and looked around into the darkness of the room, taking in all the silhouettes, and the missing extra bed. I finally realized I wasn’t at home right now, and this was nearly three months later. I was at Uncle Sean’s house, and I felt it, then. I was peeing. Sitting up, I pushed the blankets back, but the pee kept coming out, and I finished in my bedding. I sniffled. I sat there for several minutes, not sure what to make of what had happened. I remember that day, actually, from my dream. A first grader had come and kicked me and then ran away. I chased him. I was mad! He kicked me for no reason at all. He tried to get away by climbing up a slide, but in his hurry, he lost his balance or something and fell. I shivered. Because I got mad at him, I got in trouble for fighting, and I got Leah in trouble. We knew better than to leave work undone, and if we were in our classrooms, and the teachers teaching, then we had unfinished work. Daddy wouldn’t have caught her out of the classroom, if he had not been there to get me for fighting. Leah didn’t talk to me for two days because daddy got really mad and when she got home, she was spanked hard. I finished peeing, and I sighed and looked over at my door. Did I just pee on purpose in my bed? I guess I kind of did. I stood up and started to pull the blankets off my bed. Aunt Shelley had put a plastic under the sheets, so at least the bed didn’t get a huge pee stain on it, the sheets were soaked. I got the sheets off, and then I went to lay on the plastic, and before I got the top quilt to pull over me, I saw the door open, and the tall slender frame of my aunt reached out and turned on the light. “Are you okay?” she asked as she came over and pulled me off the plastic sheets that still had a puddle where I was about to settle again. I looked down. “I wet my pants.” “I told you, already, baby. At night, it’s no different than wetting the bed to me. It’s not your fault, sweetheart.” I sighed and looked up at her. “I got Leah in trouble.” “Honey, she’s way over in other state. How could you have gotten her in trouble?” I frowned and looked down. “I got in trouble at school, and then daddy caught her being bad because he had to come and sort out what I did.” “Honey, you are not at school,” Aunt Shelley reminded me. “You haven’t been at school since Saturday, sweetheart. Your school year is over.” “Oh, yeah, sorry. I meant, I was thinking about the day I got Leah in trouble. She was so mad at me, she didn’t talk to me for two days.” Aunt hugged me for a moment after getting me out of the soaked bed, and then she walked me over to the closet to get me a long shirt and another pair of my bedtime panties to sleep in. “Honey, that happened a while ago. I’m sure she’s forgotten about it. Besides, if she did something truly bad, then you had nothing to do with her getting caught, baby. She was going to get caught anyway if she did something.” “But… daddy wouldn’t have known,” I muttered looking down as she put the nightshirt on me. “But then it would be lying.” “But I wouldn’t have known, so I wouldn’t be lying. Besides, I think sometimes, lying to daddy or at least not telling daddy something can get us not in trouble. Sometimes, we get in trouble, but I don’t think other kids get in trouble for the same things.” Aunt Shelley frowned. “Well, come on, baby,” and she picked me up and carried me to their room for the second night in a row.   “What’s happened?” Uncle looked up at Aunt Shelley. “She had a nightmare.” “Aw… poor baby. Put her right here,” and he reached out his arms and brought me down right next to him between Aunt Shelley and himself. “Go to sleep, sweetie. You’re safe now.”   My eyes once again closed, and when the darkness lifted, I felt a little smaller somehow, and if things around me were a little bigger. I was being carried, I think, and my pants were soaking wet. Gracie was nearby, but she didn’t look the same as usual. She had longer hair, and she seemed a little lighter in build. I looked back at the car, the door still open, and I saw two wet areas where we had sat. I think I was in Gracie’s lap and we were in the middle and the middle was wet. I must have peed on Gracie. Leah’s seat area was wet nearer to us by the open door, and Jenna’s spot was the only dry one. I frowned as I looked around and realized Daddy was holding me and patting my wet bottom. Mom was holding baby Katie-Beth, and she was a baby. She couldn’t have even been a year old yet. He was yelling at Gracie, who was ten years old and at Leah. Both to them had their eyes looking down, and tears running down their faces. Both of them had peed in pants on, but I did too. Daddy wasn’t yelling at me, though. Jenna was the only one not even wet. “Daddy?” I squirmed in his arms. “I peed peed my pants. Gracie holding me.” “Baby, shush,” Daddy let me down while he got closer to Leah and Gracie.   I woke up again, this time, light was coming through the window, and I saw that Aunt Shelley was still lying next to me, her eyes open, and she was rubbing my tummy. Uncle Sean was already out of the room. Then, I frowned. I felt wet. I peed again.   “Are you alright?” Aunt Shelley asked me as I looked up at her wondering how I was going to tell her I peed in her bed. I sighed. I didn’t want to say I was alright because I peed in her bedding. I was sorry I got her sleeping space wet. “Sweetheart,” she whispered soothingly to me. “What is it? You didn’t have another bad dream, did you?” I gulped. Did she know everything I did? “You can talk to me,” Aunt Shelley told me. “I promise, you are safe here, baby.” She pushed and pulled me up onto her and by then, she could tell I had soaked myself again, and I started to feel myself shake with silent sobs. “What is it, sweetheart?” she asked as she rubbed my back while I lay wet and straddled over her, my legs splayed around her lower tummy. Tears came out of my eyes, and I shook and shook, and couldn’t stop. “It’s alright, baby.” She put both her arms around me, protectively, and she stared to rock me, sitting up as she did so, she adjusted me. She touched my wet butt. She had to know what I did, but she still seemed clueless about what I was upset about. And I realized, she didn’t know I was upset I peed. She kept telling me it’s okay if I wet the bed. I tried to choke the tears off so I could speak, but it was hard. The sobbing kept coming, and the words were taken away from the force that caused me to cry. “Baby…. It’s okay,” she eventually breathed evenly and soothingly into my ear. “I know it’s embarrassing and scary,” she continued. “But you just had an accident in your sleep, baby. You’re not in trouble, and you didn’t hurt anything. You are okay, baby.” She did know, at least by now, why I couldn’t stop sobbing.   It was quite an emotional roller coaster, and Aunt Shelley called Shay Anne that morning. “I’m really sorry, but my cousin’s child is staying with us, and she’s really needy right now. Is your dad doing alright?” I sighed. I didn’t want Aunt Shelley to think I was too much trouble. “I… I can play with Uncle Sean with the animals again,” I tried to tell her while she was on the phone, but she put an arm around me while she spoke to this Shay that I had no idea of who it was. “I’m glad he’s feeling better,” Aunt Shelley told her. “Maybe in a day or so I’ll bring little Sammy with me, and the you can meet her. She’s a nice little girl, but she has had some trouble adjusting to the new rules around our house.” I heard silence for a bit, and then Aunt Shelley hung up the phone with a soft goodbye.   “No, sweetheart, I think we need to talk today,” she told me as she directed me back to the table, and we started to eat. “Sean?” “Yeah, Shelley?” “Do you think after you’ve fed the animals, you can take us to town today?” “Oh, um… sure. Is there something you needed?” “Well, not me,” and she nodded in my direction. “We’ve been talking about it the last few nights, you know?” He smiled and looked down. “Yeah, about that…. Okay. I’ll just go check on the animals, and he quickly left the table not even finishing his breakfast. “What?” I looked up at Aunt Shelley wondering what was doing on. “Honey, you’ve been having a hard time over the last few days here, and you still won’t go to the bathroom on your own most of the time….” I frowned. “I don’t pee my pants….” “Baby, that’s why I’m worried. If you at least peed your pants sometimes, then at least we’d know your bladder was working properly.” “I don’t understand. I’m eight. I’m not supposed to….” “You are not supposed to under normal conditions,” Aunt Shelley pulled me into her lap. “But baby, there is nothing normal about your behavior at all. You need help, sweetie.” “Why? I am a big girl! I can do even better. I won’t pee the whole day. I bet I can hold it until the sun goes down.” Aunt Shelley shook her had and rubbed my back. “No, baby. Please don’t do that.” “But you want me to pee my pants!” “Honey, I don’t want that either, but the alternative being that you are always holding it way beyond what is healthy, yeah, I would prefer you being wet to you not peeing at all.” “But I’m not supposed to…,” and I started crying. Aunt Shelley sighed and rubbed my back. I buried my face in her chest and continued to crying not understanding what exactly they wanted of me. Uncle tried to make it so I wouldn’t pee my pants, but right now, Aunt Shelley acted like I should do just that. I was feeling really confused and wondered what bad things I was doing that made them act so confusing. “Baby?” Aunt Shelley rubbed my back and spoke softly. “How about this? Will you please tell us as soon as you have to go? We are going into town, and you aren’t supposed to be wet around other people are you?” I shook my head no. “Daddy says that’s being bad.” “Well, we are going to be around other people, so will you please come and squeeze my hand when you need to pee again? If you squeeze my hand, I’ll just take you to the toilet, and you don’t have to talk or say anything. Then, you are not really saying anything you are scared to say, and you are not interrupting if you just squeeze my hand, and I’ll know to get you to the bathroom before you start squirming around. Would that be okay?” I looked up at her for several minutes trying to think how my squeezing her hand might break daddy’s rules….   “You do as your mom’s cousin tells you,” he had said. “But remember the house rules, too.” I remembered them alright. I would never break a rule daddy had for any reason. Never embarrass people by saying things that are personal. Eating and going to the bathroom will be taken care of in time. There is no need to say anything about those things. “Honey, just squeeze my hand,” Aunt Shelley told me. “Then I’ll know you have to go, and you won’t start squirming around….” That kind of made sense. I wasn’t saying anything, and Aunt Shelley didn’t want me squirming around, so this kept her not getting embarrassed. It seemed to follow daddy’s rules. “Okay.” “Good girl,” she kissed my head. “Can you come upstairs so I can get you cleaned up so we can go into town?” “Okay. Thank you. Sorry, when I looked back, I didn't really know how to fix the first time I tried to describe her age, so it hasn't been fixed.  In my mind, it is getting the age correct, so I think maybe I'm just not seeing something you are at the moment.  I'll try again later to see what is unclear.  I know sometimes, when I am writing, I think I'm reading something when actually, I'm just remembering and the words are not actually reading as they should to my eye, so I'll try to look again later on, after I have let it be forgotten what I had in my head so I can see if that clarity helps me see through the illusion my mind is using to hold me back from seeing it.

I also enjoy the feeling of a wet diaper, therefore I try to wear it, till it is full but as a lot of other people, I don’t like my diapers leaking (tough it happens sometimes) 

I am wet and messy in a Bianco Ultra Stretch diaper. even though it's definitely time to change my diaper right now, I am going to enjoy the warm, soft, squishy poopie in my diapee for several hours before I change. I don't mind cleaning up after I mess my diaper; a few adult wipes, wash cloth with Dawn Dish Soap ( great for any residual poopy odor), rinse, dry, and I am fresh and clean for my next diaper. I am out of bed super early because I have a complex report to write today that involves integrating data from multiple sources. After I clean up, I will put on another diaper and wet during the day while working on the report, but no more potty in my diaper because my wife will be up. I am not hiding messy diapers from her, but we have a boundary that I don't go poopie in my diaper around her.

Mom broke two of her wooden spoons on me (at different times).....

Almost every time I wear I do . But of course my reason is different for wearing . All for the mental health here . So that seems to help me have calm time