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Chapter Thirty Four John squeezed Amanda’s torso with his bare legs. An entire lifetime of being fully clothed to so much as walk outside to check the mail was screaming at him. And that was just the immediate part. Having had the perfect opportunity to explain that he didn’t like that Nana Claire woman one tiny bit, he felt that if he had to explain that he was about to freak out and punch her as hard as he could in the chest he might have wound up in trouble. And holding that in seemed like a good call. Honestly just thinking about it, he was still mad at her. He just wanted her to at least be wrong about which foods he would like. Something, anything just for her to not be right so he could feel like she couldn’t just magically understand him because he’s a little. While he was being carried into the Pet Store he realized that he was still dwelling on it and just making it worse for himself. So he rolled his eyes and flopped his head forward onto the chest in front of him. With a deep sigh he tried to stop thinking about it. Which only made it harder to get out of his own head. He felt Amanda stop walking and then his butt being patted. Then came the whisper from above him “Hey, you still in there?” Sarcasm being his default response, he shook his head and mumbled around the pacifier and into a breast “No. Please leave a message.” “There’s someone here with a puppy that they want to get used to being around littles.” Immediately John decided that he would mope later and pet the puppy now. His head snapped up and he looked around, squinting at the lights. When he caught sight of a small brown dog with curly hair and a tail whipping back and forth looking up at him he smiled. Behind the dog there was a man even taller than Amanda kneeling down with his hand on the puppies shoulder to keep it calm. As he felt Amanda kneeling down, he tensed up and said into her ear “I don’t have any pants on.” He could feel her stop down on one knee as she whispered back “No one even notices that. But if you would rather pass on petting the puppy, that is also fine.” Ugh. The one thing he couldn’t resist. Baby animals. John nodded “Just this once.” Amanda lowered him to the floor and he turned around. This ‘puppy’ still came up to his chest and it had a tail whipping back and forth just shy of the speed of sound. Still, he looked down at his bare legs and froze up. The giant man asked “Oh, is he scared of dogs?” John didn’t even have to look to imagine Amanda shaking her head as she said “Oh, he loves animals. But he’s new here and he’s still a bit shy.” The man just nodded knowingly and said “Yeah, that’s perfectly fair. It’s a big world and he’s suddenly a cute little guy that all the women won’t be able to resist.” Then the man looked at John and addressed him directly “Well, this is Latrare. She’s a Mastiff, so she’s going to get pretty big. She’s gentle as a lamb … but she may lick you to death. Do you want to pet her?” Of course John nodded mutely. He continued “Do you want to come to her, or do you want her to come to you?” John thought about over a hundred pounds of hyperactive puppy shaped missile and said “I’ll go to her.” With a nod, the man patted the dog on the booty and said firmly “Sit.” and the dog put her butt down. The tail was still sliding back and forth side to side on the furiously. Exceedingly conscious of his bare legs, John walked over to the large puppy and held out his hand for the puppy to smell. It was immediately licked. In for a penny, in for a pound, he just took one big step and got his fingers in and started giving the dog some good scritches up and down her side. The next five minutes were an exercise of John petting a giant hyperactive puppy, and a large man patiently keeping her calm. It was obvious that she was soft, but her fur was shorter and so it felt different. And petting her left like a film on his hands. Still worth it though because she was such a great dog! Eventually the man nodded and said “I think that’s about all the calmness she can handle. She needs to go run around now.” John nodded and asked “How big is she going to get.” The giant man said nonchalantly “Her Mother was about three hundred and forty pounds. But she is almost a year old and I don’t think she’s going to be much over three hundred. She’s been training to work with littles and children since she was six months old. She almo…” The man stopped as John got a giant dog tongue up the front of his shirt, neck over his face, and left some of his hair sticking up. “...almost got the hang of staying calm around littles.” Amanda was laughing behind him as she got a wipe out of the diaper bag and knelt down to wipe him off. Curiosity got the better of him so he asked “Mom, how big is Xerxes?” While she was wiping his face, she answered “He’s just shy of two hundred pounds. He’s not full blooded, but he looks just like a big border collie.” Once she was done wiping and explaining, John pointed at Latrare “You mean she’s going to get bigger than Xerxes!?” Amanda looked down at him funny and then sighed as she looked at the man “He rides our dog like a horse.” That got quite a laugh out of everyone involved. Except John, who sulked while mumbling “It’s not funny.” Finally Mom told him “Okay, say goodbye to the puppy, we have to get a toy and get our groceries home.” John reached down low and snapped his fingers. The moment Latrare looked down he darted in and kissed her on the forehead, praising her by saying “Good puppy!” and then darting back before he needed another wipe down. After that he was picked up and wrapped back around his Moms torso, they said their polite goodbyes and as they walked into the store, John looked up and said “I’m no expert, but that’s almost twice the size they get on my world.” He felt himself being raised some more and got a kiss on the forehead before she explained “Yes John. There’s a theme here. Things here are about twice as big, and combined with you shrinking will seem probably half again as big to you on top of that.” He rested his head on a boob while he thought. It was soft and it was conveniently located as a resting spot. Everything seemed so normal and so abnormal at the same time. An while John never considered himself to be dumb, it was just hard to process. Like everything was new and huge all over again. Plus there were the differences. Some of them were pretty incredible. Thinking of incredible differences, he felt a few pats on the butt as Mom said “We’re here at the toys. Take a peek.” John looked up and over and was greeted with a wall of dog toys. He zeroed in immediately on what he wanted the second his eyes focused on the wall. He pointed “That!” Amanda reached out and took a red plastic handle with a tennis ball on it off the shelf. It was about two and a half feet long and had a cup for the tennis ball. “You want this?” Nodding emphatically he said “YES!” She laughed now and said “You feel cheated that Xerxes can catch what you throw without having to chase it, don’t you?” “Yup.” With a chuckle she said “Okay, anything else you want for Xerxes? We really have to get those groceries home.” “Doggy breath mints.” A few seconds of walking later she had a bag of treats that said they were good for his teeth, and she said “If this isn’t good enough you’ll just have to start brushing his teeth.” He nodded “You get me on the side of the sink and I’ll brush his teeth myself. I’m closer to his mouth than you are.” They shared a good laugh, and as they walked by a young woman that was tagging merchandise, Amanda shuffled him around to her left arm and he could see her making a motion of some sort. There was a click-clack and something smacked him on the butt, followed by some giggling. As he was carried away he could see a red head with a great big smile waving at him. He wanted to feel indignant, but all things considered he couldn’t. As they approached the check out he looked around and spotted the cooler by the check out line. Even THAT was normal. But on closer look it had juice as well as sodas. “Mom?” he asked tentatively. “Yes sweety?” “May I have something to drink?” As the person in front of them left, Amanda leaned and said “Plapple or Grape?” “Can I have a soda?” She shook her head “You had more than enough sugar an hour ago.” “...Plapple.” The two items in her hand were put onto the conveyor belt and a bottle of Plapple juice quickly followed. But as the items got scanned, Amanda looked down at him with a mischievous grin and asked “Do you feel like doing something silly?” With a shrug, he answered “Sure?” And with that he was placed on the conveyor belt. Okay, this was funny but he did actually feel a little bit indignant. Amanda patted him on the head as he asked “Excuse me, could you do a price check on this item?” There was a “Hmm… Is it okay if I pick this item up?” Amanda looked at him “Do you mind if she picks you up?” He just nodded “It’s okay.” And with that he was picked up and rotated to face a very pretty brunette, about his age but much larger, and he was slid over a scanner and there was a loud ‘BEEP’ under him. The cashier said “I’m sorry Ma’am, but this item seems to be out of stock. I’m afraid I have to put several stickers on it and send it off.” He could hear Amanda laying on the drama as she said “Oh dear. Well, I suppose that if you are willing to put stickers on it, I can carry it back to where I found it.” John couldn’t help blushing as the pretty young woman put a sticker on his shirt, then another one on his arm and as Amanda picked him up … she swatted one onto his butt. One swipe of a card, and a wave, one blush as she blew him a kiss, and they were on their way to the car at a pretty brisk pace. Diaper bag slid in place, Booty in carseat, a quick check and then a snap of the buckles and Amanda was quickly in the drivers seat and starting car. He asked “Mom?” After pulling onto the road heading back to home, she looked up and asked “Yes?” “How many stickers do I have on me?” After a laugh, she answered “Five stickers and a price tag.” Rolling his eyes, he settled in for the twenty some odd minute drive with his sippy cup full of fresh cold Plapple juice. It was the little things. The irony of that saying was lost on him as he stretched in the carseat that was oddly always comfortable. One empty sippy cup of juice, and five minutes later, he closed his eyes for just a moment as the movement from the car relaxed him a bit. A moment later the car door opened and the sun hit his face briefly. He groaned. As he was unbuckled he could hear Mom saying “Well, someone fell asleep in the car.” “Nnnnn. Just closed my eyes.” John cracked an eye open and could see her nodding as she said sarcastically “uh huh. Let’s get you in the house and I’ll get the groceries in.” As she lifted him up and got her arm under his bottom she paused and looked at him at the same time that he felt how thick his diaper was. It was, frankly, huge. Carried through the fence and greeted by a jumping dog was nice. Having his shoes off at the grocery store he was just in his socks, so those didn’t have to be taken off. And Mom stopped and wiped her shoes off on the mat before stepping in to set him down and drop the diaper bag on the couch. As he stood there on the living room floor realizing that he couldn’t make his knees go anywhere near one another, Xerxes came in and smelled all over him. He was suddenly worried that Xerxes could tell he had petted another dog, but it turned out to be a non issue as he started getting a cold nose across his face. Xerxes was just happy to have his little home. When the dog walked over to the door to watch Amanda move in and out carrying in groceries, John tried to take a step with the diaper sagging so low, the plastic was pulling a bit painfully on his hips. At first he gave up and sat down on the carpet, but with an audible squish, he decided he didn’t like that. Plus he was a couple inches off the floor anyway, and that was weirding him out a bit. So that was how he waited patiently, watching his Mom carry in groceries and hurry to put away the cold stuff. Meanwhile his priority in life had been reduced to sitting with his legs under him not putting pressure on his butt. That was it for him at the moment. So naturally he sulked a bit. Finally, what seemed like half an hour, but he knew was really just a few minutes, most of the groceries were put away and Mom was on her way to scoop him up. In what seemed like moments she had him on the changing table. An with no shorts on there was no delay. But he could tell that he did have to scrub his legs and thighs a lot. Before telling him “lift.” After that it was business as usual, but once she was done taping him into a fresh new rough pup, she sat him up instead of lifting him off the table. “Arms up!” He lifted his arms and his shirt was pulled off. Immediately she said “back up!” and he could see her lifting a dark blue onesie up and over him. All he asked was “Onesie?” There was a nod in response as she said “Onesie. You have destroyed two diapers in as many hours, so … lay back … you’re in a onesie until after nap time, for easy changes. Sit up. Okay, I have to go finish things up, and wipe out something that got wet in the carseat. Would you like anything specific for lunch?” Thinking back to what they got he said “Cookies?” “No.” “Peanut butter sandwich?” “Yes.” “THEN cookies?” “One.” “Two?” “One.” “Three?” “None.” “You drive a hard bargain. One it is.” Finally she nodded and said “I thought you would see it my way.” Nodding along he agreed “You’re the Mommy.” That got him scooped up into a hug and deposited on the rug in the living room. A look at his wrist band had him wondering if it was about the time she always insisted he take a nap. Maybe she would let him skip the nap today and he could sit on the porch and draw. It never hurt to hope. After a couple of minutes he found himself in a booster seat looking at a ten inch wide peanut butter and jelly sandwich that had been cut in half diagonally. Only as he started eating it and felt the sandwich leaving traces on his cheek did he realize that this was not going to be a dignified lunch. Nor would it leave him seeming as mature as he surely still was. Not that it mattered, the jelly or the peanut butter, or just SOMETHING tasted like the embodiment of the word delicious. And he couldn’t stop himself until he was out of sandwich and sighing contently while he was being assaulted with a wet rag. When she was done wiping him down, he sat there looking at her expectantly. She looked confused for a moment as she asked “Yes?” The audacity!! His demand was simple: “Cookie.” She laughed. Laughed! He cleared his throat and repeated himself. “Cookie.” At least this time Mom turned around and got the package, holding it out to him “As serious as you are taking this cookie, I don’t think we even needed to get the little variety. Chocolate or Strawberry?” As he stared intently at the package, easily deciding which he wanted, all that was left was to ask “What is different about the little variety, and why even have a different one for us?” Flipping the package over, Amanda pointed to a spot “The little variety is made with something called Little Extract. From my understanding, it’s supposed to help with your different taste buds. Bigs and Littles have … well you know by now.” Smiling up at her, he said “You mean you like freakishly spicy savory foods, and I like sane people food?” With a laugh and a nod she answered “From my point of view it’s the other way around.” “So …” John pointed at the package “What is ummm… what is little extract made of?” Now she was smirking at him “It’s made from littles that didn’t eat their vegetables. So you’re safe… for now.” It was impossible to stop himself from rolling his eyes as he said “Oh God, Aunt Cat would be proud of you.” That got him a hair ruffle as she held out the package “Okay, pick one, and then I’ve got to get some work done fast before someone comes over.” Immediately he pointed “Strawberry, please.” As she handed him the wafer, he was unsurprised that it was generously portioned. Not gigantic by any means, but size wise it was like someone folded a pop tart in half. Despite its size, it seemed to weigh very little. Stopping to smell it suspiciously while Mom’s back was turned as she put the cookies away, he went ahead and took a big bite of the large pink snack. As he bit down into the crunch his brain had a reset moment. Something was so good that it seemed off. As in it shouldn’t be THIS good. Of course, he still finished the bite. And then immediately took another one. Figuring out what was off about it would have to wait. The wafer was crunchy enough that all he heard was himself chewing on it, soft enough that chewing it was delightful, and strawberry enough to just be downright amazing. Plus there was just some other flavor there that didn’t make sense to his brain. But this didn’t have to make sense. As he finished the wafer, he felt honestly a bit zoned out. Never even noticing as his hands were wiped and he was lifted up until he was held up and looking at his Mommy. She was definitely looking at him funny. “Sweety, how are you feeling? Do you need a nap?” Shaking he head he said “No, but another cookie would be great.” Being pulled in for a hug and a coupe of firm pats on the booty, he was told “Maybe one after dinner. As long as you’re good.” Oh, he was totally going to be good, he decided that immediately. Even if he had to cheat to do it.

Chapter 12: A New Solution I woke up with a bunch of fur in my face. I let out a loud sneeze as I shoved our orange cat off of me. Chester trotted halfway to my now open bedroom door – he must have snuck in while I was sleeping – and then looked back and made a chirpy meow at me. Yes, yes, I get it, cat. You’re hungry. There was no choice but to get up and feed him. Not unless I wanted him bothering me until it was time to get up and get ready for school. My digital clock still said there was an hour-and-a-half left until it was time to get up for the day. I could probably even squeeze in another ten minute of sleep if I waited until Mom came to wake me up. I looked down at my pajamas as I got out of the sleeping bag. There was a clear and obvious problem. These were the same ones I had worn to bed last night. I had forgotten to toss them in the laundry with my bedding last night. I took a deep breath. That was a close call. If Mom had caught me in these pajamas, it would have raised questions I’d be unable to provide a satisfactory answer for. I changed into a new pair of pajamas and headed downstairs with my old ones. There wasn’t a need for the flashlight app on my phone as the first rays of sunlight were coming through the windows. I walked as quietly as I could. Chester trotted alongside me, chirping noisily. At least I’d have a good excuse for being up if anyone was awake when I was returning to my bedroom. I filled up Chester’s food and water bowls in the laundry room. They hadn’t even been fully empty. The stupid cat couldn’t be satisfied with eating out of a bowl that was only half-way full. Now I needed to deal with my pajamas. I turned on the faucet in the sink next to the washing machine and held my pajamas under the water until they were soaked. I twisted them in my hands to wring out all the excess water and then stuffed the pajamas in with the still very damp bedding in the washing machine. There, now, when Mom moved the laundry over to the dryer, nothing would seem out of place. <><><> A yawn escaped me at the start of math class. Mr. Thompson was going around handing back our final homework assignment of the year before we got started on our final exam. It had taken me about an hour to fall back to sleep after putting my pajamas in the washing machine. At that point, I’d only gotten another thirty minutes of sleep before Mom woke me up for school. From the look on her face, this most recent fake bedwetting incident had completely caught her by surprise. I suppose she had thought all the preventative measures she’d made me take would have been enough to bring the bedwetting to an end. Mom had taken care of vacuuming up the baking soda on the mattress and moving the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. As far as I was able to tell, she hadn’t caught on to the fact that I had faked the bedwetting accident simply by tossing my bedding and pajamas in the washing machine. Mr. Thompson handed the algebra homework paper to me as he passed by my desk. I stared at it in disbelief. The letter “C” was circled in red at the top right corner. I skimmed through the questions. Several of them had been marked as incorrect with red dashes through them. That was a complete betrayal. It was totally unfair. I had held up to my end of the bargain in keeping Grace’s secret, and she hadn’t even bothered to deliver me a good grade. There was no way these questions had been too difficult for my older sister. I tucked the assignment angrily into my backpack. I was going to have a word with Grace after school. The next set of papers our teacher handed out was even less fun than the first. Our final exam for the math class was fifty questions long and would account for twenty-five percent of the grade for the year. It was hard enough to do math when I was fully awake, but I was exhausted from the lack of sleep over the past several days. All the numbers and symbols seemed to dance around in front of me as I tried to work my way through each question. It didn’t help that I’d already had to sit through five different tests today, with each one seeming to go worse than the one preceding it. It was no use. I gave up about halfway through, beginning to fill in the little multiple-choice circles with my pencils with my best guess after reading through the question once. At least if I finished earlier, I could find somewhere to sit and rest outside in the hallway. <><><> I struggled to pretend that the way my parents were limiting my liquids didn’t annoy me. But it wasn’t fair. Mom had made fresh-squeezed lemonade to go with our dinner of hotdogs fresh off of the backyard grill, and I had been given a much smaller portion of lemonade than I would have preferred. Even Jackson had as much as me, and Mom was as careful with monitoring his sugar intake as she had been when I was his age. But the amount I had to drink tonight was irrelevant. I intended to instead wet the bed closer to when I was about to get up in the morning, so long as I could figure out a way to be awake at least a decent time before needing to get up for school. No amount of restrictions on how much I was allowed to drink would change the fact that I would need to pee when I woke up in the morning. I wasn’t sure of all the specifics of the plan. I would simply need to improvise when the time came. I watched as Grace quickly finished her meal, excusing herself from the table and heading off toward her bedroom. I hadn’t managed to corner her yet. She still owed me an explanation for the poor grade she had gotten me on the Algebra homework. I finished my hotdog in a large final bite and washed it down with the remainder of my pitiful serving of lemonade. It was time to confront my sister. I retrieved the mangled homework paper from my backpack in my bedroom, straightening it out before walking up to my sister’s bedroom door. I knocked on Grace’s door. No response. I knocked again, a bit louder. “I’m coming,” Grace said. “Yes, I know I need to still do the dishes.” A few seconds later, her bedroom door cracked open a few inches. “Oh, it’s you?” Grace said. “I’m busy.” I shoved the homework paper in her face before she could shut the door on me. Grace nudged it aside with her hand. “What are you so upset about?” Grace asked nonchalantly. “I got a ‘C’ on the assignment. You were supposed to help me get all the questions correct.” Grace rolled her eyes. “Let me let you in on a secret of cheating on homework. Never get a score that would make your teacher suspicious. If you had turned in an assignment that had every single answer correct, that would raise a lot of questions. I doubt you’ve gotten an ‘A’ on any assignment in the class this year, and to do so on an especially difficult one would make it look really obvious that you didn’t do the work yourself.” “Oh.” I hadn’t considered that at all. “If I hadn’t helped, you probably would have gotten a zero on it,” Grace said. “So, you still came out well ahead. Now, if you don’t mind, I have things to do.” Grace stepped back and shut the door in my face. I was left to wonder how she was so knowledgeable about cheating on homework. <><><> “Maddy, your dad and I need to talk with you about something.” I could feel my heart begin to speed up. That phrase was never the harbinger of good news. I looked up at Mom from where I was sitting on the couch with my phone. She was standing near the entrance to the living room. There was a serious look on her face, but it differed from the more annoyed expression that she wore when I was in trouble for something. Jackson was oblivious to Mom’s request. He was sprawled out on the carpet in front of the couch, playing Minecraft on a tablet. Thankfully, Grace was nowhere to be seen. She was secluded upstairs again in her bedroom after having come down briefly to wash dishes in the kitchen. What could I have possibly done wrong? The list of options was longer than I would have liked. It had to be something more than just forgetting my chores. I would just be sent off to do them right away if that were the case. The one thing that didn’t worry me was my end-of-year grades. They weren’t looking to be that good, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t be getting hold of them for at least a week or more. That could be dealt with later. But there was the Algebra quiz. Had Mr. Thompson decided something was off after all and told my parents about it? Or had one of my friends blabbed about how Grace had left us on our own at the mall? Either of those would have me spending a sizable amount of time grounded at the start of summer break. But as bad as either of those two outcomes might be, there were even worse possibilities to consider. What if they’d caught on to how I had been faking the bedwetting? If they questioned me about whether it was real, would I be able to lie effectively, or would I crumble under the pressure of that interrogation? “Maddy, come on,” Mom said, giving her head a slight shake in the direction of the hallway. I stepped carefully over my brother as I walked in a straight line toward the hallway. Regardless of what I was going to be disciplined for, I had a pretty good idea of how it was going to go down. Unlike either of my friends, I had never been on the receiving end of a spanking. That didn’t mean that my parents’ disciplinary methods were ever enjoyable. In fact, there were a number of times when I think I would have rather endured a spanking than be forced to be grounded from electronics for a week. As I followed Mom down the hallway, I was mentally bracing myself for the long lecture I was about to get, followed by being grounded from whatever my parents thought would best convince me to behave better in the future. There wasn’t a specific location in the house where these conversations normally took place; it was always somewhere away from my siblings, so they couldn’t eavesdrop on the conversation. I followed Mom to the entrance room, where Dad was already sitting on the right side of a small couch. Dad patted the middle of the couch. “Why don’t you have a seat, Maddy.” That was different from normal. Aside from the fact that these lectures usually began before being given a chance to sit down, there was the realization that neither of my parents had used my full name. That made me even more confused. So, I wasn’t in trouble? I took a seat next to Dad, and then Mom squeezed in beside me to my left. There was barely enough room for us on the couch, which was probably only meant for two occupants. I kept my mouth shut. Better to wait and see what exactly my parents were up to than guess and be wrong. “We need to have a talk about what’s been happening at night,” Mom said. “About how we’re going to need to handle the bedwetting.” There it was. I tried to get myself into the right mindset for this conversation. I had to talk as though the bedwetting was surprising and upsetting, that I wanted nothing more than for it to come to an end. And, if possible, I needed to find a way to discreetly steer the conversation toward the possibility of getting pull-ups without revealing how badly I wanted those specific undergarments. “It is kind of our fault, in a way,” Dad said. “And mine,” Mom added. I looked back and forth between my parents. How in the world could it be their fault that I was wetting the bed? “I read that if both parents had a history of wetting the bed as kids, then it meant their own kids have a three-in-four chance of being bedwetters themselves,” Dad explained. Fractions always gave me a hard time. I tried to picture it in my head the way that my elementary math teacher had explained long ago. Leave it to Dad to turn bedwetting into a math problem. “What that means,” Mom said, “is that since your father and I both were bedwetters when we were kids, that means that it was very likely that our own kids would have issues with that as well. We thought we’d dodged a bullet with you and Jackson, but I guess not.” Wait. What? I conjured images of Mom and Dad as kids, drawing on old family photo albums I had gone through before. The idea of either of them waking up in the middle of the night to wet sheets was too much. I started to laugh. “No way.” I looked back and forth at Mom and Dad again. Sitting sandwiched between them was making this conversation more difficult than necessary. “For real?” “I think I wet the bed nearly every night until I was nine or so,” Mom said. “I remember I wasn’t allowed to go on any sleepovers until I stopped. It lasted a bit longer for you, honey?” “Yes,” Dad muttered. I’d never seen him look so flustered. “Bedwetting didn’t stop for me until I turned fourteen. My siblings weren’t as, um, understanding about it as they should have been.” “The point we’re trying to say, Maddy,” Mom said, “is that bedwetting isn’t a big deal. It isn’t your fault or anything you need to be embarrassed about. It’s something that lots of other kids have to deal with. I don’t think this bedwetting phase should last all that long, but we’ll be with you to help you get through it, no matter how long it takes.” “And if you have any questions or anything you want to tell us,” Dad said. “I promise we won’t judge you for it. We went through the same things as you.” If only I was bold enough to take Dad up on that offer. There was a question I wanted to ask really badly. Had either of my parents worn diapers or pull-ups to bed? Had there even bed ones available in their size that long ago? But I had to work to hold myself back from asking about it. No kid my age was going to proactively seek out information about diapers. I had to remember that I was supposed to be feeling embarrassed and concerned about the situation. “I just don’t get why it started all of a sudden.” “I don’t know either,” Mom said. “We’ll worry about that if it keeps up. For now, I think we’re just going to focus on making things a bit easier to clean up if the bedwetting happens again. We are going to need to do something to make sure that your mattress doesn’t get ruined. Cleaning it up afterward is OK for the occasional accident, but not if you are peeing on it almost every night.” I focused all my thoughts on keeping a straight face. This was it. This was when they would tell me that they had purchased the pull-ups so that the mattress wouldn’t be getting wet every night. I could hardly believe my luck. I would be getting pull-ups after wetting the bed only three times in four days. “We’re going to switch your mattress for the one that Grace has on her bed,” Dad said. “It has a waterproof covering, which makes it a lot easier to clean up after bedwetting accidents.” That was not what I wanted. There was no hiding the look of disappointment on my face. But it improved my subterfuge, as Mom and Dad took it to be a sign that I was embarrassed by needing a special mattress. Mom began to rub my back. “I’m sure this bedwetting phase will run its course quickly enough, but until then, won’t it be a lot nice to not have to worry about cleaning the mattress in the middle of the night? You could swap the bedding out and go back to sleeping in bed rather than on the floor in a sleeping bag.” “I guess.” Mom had a solid point. It would be nice not to have to spray cleaning solutions and then dry off the mattress with paper towels and sprinkle baking soda all over it. Faking the bedwetting would take a lot less work on my part. “We better get that done before it’s time for bed. Why don’t we get that taken care of now?” Dad said. I followed my parents up the stairs and to my bedroom. My room was a bit of a mess. I had some dirty clothes tossed on the floor that should have been put in the laundry hamper, there was a pile of unfolded laundry on my bed that I had been supposed to get put away before dinner, and then there was the fact that I hadn’t made the bed either like I was supposed to. I had just tossed the clean sheets and covers haphazardly across the mattress. Mom examined the scene with a sigh. “We’ll talk about the state of your bedroom later. Why don’t you get everything off of the mattress and set it to the side while we talk with your sister about the mattress swap?” They left me to it, shutting the door behind them as they walked over to my sister’s bedroom. I picked up the dirty laundry and tossed it into the hamper in the closet, then went to tackle the mess that was my bed. After tossing everything unceremoniously on the floor, I heard some raised voices from out in the hallway. I tiptoed over to my door and placed my ear right up against it. “You’ve been asking for a new mattress for a long time,” Dad said. “Yeah, and you always told me that you weren’t quite ready to trust me with one yet,” Grace said. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Grace had supposedly stopped wetting the bed when she was twelve. “Seriously, it was only like once or twice a year at that point. Besides, it hasn’t happened for like two years now.” That probably wasn’t without any close calls, though. The time Grace had caught me in the hallway a few nights ago, she had been in quite the hurry to go use the toilet herself. “Exactly,” Mom said. “So now is the perfect time to do the swap because of how your sister has been wetting the bed a lot the past few days.” “That’s gross, Mom. I don’t want Maddy’s mattress. Not after she’s peed all over it.” “Hey,” Mom said. “It got cleaned up right away each time. There aren’t any visible stains, and it doesn’t even smell funny at all. Besides, it’s not like the mattress you are giving her hasn’t been peed on several hundred times.” “Yeah, but it has a plastic cover. It cleans off without a trace.” “Look, we’re doing the mattress swap. I’m sure Maddy will be done with the bedwetting soon. When that happens. She’ll have her old mattress back, and we’ll buy a new one for you.” “Ugh, fine,” Grace said. “I’ll get the sheets off.” I heard my sister’s bedroom door shut rather loudly. I retreated to standing back near my bed lest my parents returned to my bedroom to catch me eavesdropping. Mom opened my bedroom door a few seconds later. “Are you all set, Maddy?” “Yeah.” “Good; why don’t you help me get your mattress off of the bed frame?” The mattress wasn’t as heavy as I had expected it to be, but it was still a bit of work to lift it up and set it against the wall. Dad and Grace entered the bedroom a minute later, carrying a strange mattress. It wasn’t a normal looking white mattress, like mine, and it also didn’t have a fabric exterior. It instead had a light blue vinyl exterior. It looked more like something that would be seen in a hospital than a bedroom. The new mattress fit onto the bedframe perfectly, which was the benefit of us both having queen-sized beds. From how Grace was looking at my mattress, I could tell that she was trying to determine if there were any visible urine stains on it. I didn’t know why Grace had thrown such a fuss in the hallway. It seemed that she was getting the better deal out of this. She finally had a normal, comfortable mattress to sleep on. “Well, that’s set,” Mom said. “Why don’t you get your bed made, Maddy, we’ll leave you to it.” Dad and Grace grabbed my mattress while Mom went ahead and held the door open all the way so they could maneuver it out into the hallway and toward Grace’s bedroom. Mom shut the door behind her, leaving me by myself. Once all the sheets and covers were back on, my bed didn’t look any different. At first glance, there wouldn’t be any way to tell that something was off. The changed the moment I laid down on it, as it crinkled loudly, reminiscent of that time three years ago when I had snooped through my sister’s bedroom. Even shifting my weight ever so slightly caused more plastic crinkling sounds. There was no question that it was a downgrade from my other mattress. It likely was going to take a while to get used to sleeping in it. Still, it couldn’t be argued that this was going to beat sleeping on the floor. I tried to lie as still as I could, just to get a moment of silence. It wasn’t the pull-ups I had been hoping for. It was progress. Mom and Dad were now taking the bedwetting seriously, but was it progress in the right direction? Had this been their sole solution for my sister’s bedwetting? What if they had never once purchased pull-ups for her? What if my parents didn’t care that my sheets and bedding got soaked with urine every night so long as the mattress was protected? Could that be the reason I had never noticed Grace wearing a pull-up before bed? Was this why I hadn’t been able to find any evidence of pull-ups since that time I had searched her bedroom? Had my parents deliberately decided not to get her pull-ups, or perhaps had they not even realized that it was an option? My sister had been potty trained around the same age as me, meaning she would have been about two when she was dry during the day. She didn’t stop regularly wetting the bed until she was twelve. Had she really gone through ten straight years of waking up to wet pajamas every night? Ten straight years of needing to change sheets and bedding in the dark, first with her parents’ help and then on her own? That sounded absolutely awful. And that still left the question about what had happened on that vacation to my grandparents’ place six years ago. Grace had wet the bed that first night. And there had been no further evidence of accidents after that. Had six-year-old me simply not been all that observant? Or had something else been going on at the time? I hadn’t even considered the possibility of different types of mattresses. I realized that there was still a lot about bedwetting that I didn’t know. I checked my phone. It was about time to get ready for bed again. I went to brush my teeth and use the toilet. There was nothing to do but keep pressing forward with my plan. My parents still seemed to think that the bedwetting would end soon. Perhaps if it didn’t, they might start to look at solutions other than the waterproof mattress. I set the alarm on my phone for forty-five minutes before I was supposed to be up for school. It wouldn’t do any good to have it wake anyone else in the house. But I had the perfect solution in mind. As I laid back down on my now super crinkly bed, I plugged a pair of headphones into my phone. I tucked one of them into my right ear, making sure to lay down in a way that wouldn’t cause me to dislodge the headphones while I was asleep. I would pee in the bed when I woke up early and allow Mom to discover me sleeping in a wet bed when she came to get me up for school. I needed to make the bedwetting as inconvenient as possible. I had to get to a point where my parents would realize that pull-ups would make managing it so much easier. --- Links to all my stories can be found at https://abdlwriter.wordpress.com/

Chapter 33: Protest Little in Love 2 – LittleFallenPrincess I sprinted as fast I could through the chaos. No matter where I turned, there was fighting surrounding me. Every street I went down was packed full of people… and police. Protesters had turned up in large numbers, but doing so had caused the police to retaliate in kind, bringing in everyone they had… and every form of suppression they could use. It was like a war zone right now… and I wondered just how far across the city… or even country… this went. I had covered a few streets, and I had seen a lot of people joining our protest on the march over to parliament… but I had a feeling it was a lot bigger than I had first imagined. Ducking and weaving through the scuffles, watching littles being carried off by police officers for them only to be retrieved by Amazons trying to rescue them… I made sure not to be noticed by any of the officers, because despite me not technically starting these protests… they probably saw me as the number one target to take down at all costs, so I ran for my life, trying my best to focus on coming up with a safe location to run to. The only place that I could think of… the only place that was nearby… …Was my old shop. Cars were being smashed, fires were being started, everything was going to shit… so I kept running, street after street, trying my best to make it to somewhere I knew was safe and I could hide out. At least somewhere I knew I could call from safely and get some help from my friends. ‘My friends… Wait… did any more of them join in?’ I wondered as I dodged a riot shield being swung mere inches from my face. It helped that I was so small, I could dash through the chaos without being seen, which meant I was safe, provided I could make it back to the shop. Malcolm kept running the business from the shop, so it was still owned by the two of us. Which meant… my old workshop was the perfect place to barricade myself in and call for help. “Just… another… street…” My unfit physique was causing me to slow down as I struggled to catch my breath. And as I turned onto the corner, dashing between an Amazon protester’s legs, I stumbled to my knees and breathed in deeply, trying to breathe. I didn’t know if I had time to catch my breath like this or not, but it seems like my body is refusing to move unless I get some breath back, so I stayed on my hands and knees, breathing heavily, hoping I wouldn’t be stepped on or noticed down here whilst the fighting was going on around us. Taking one last deep breath, I looked up… to see a police officer looking at me from across the street. He looked new… nervous even… but he was still an Amazon, and I was pretty sure he had recognised me. So I pushed past the pain and the breathlessness, climbed to my feet and bolted down the street towards my shop. I couldn’t afford to turn and see if he was following. If I did that, I could potentially trip or bump into something, and it would definitely slow me down even if I didn’t. So I ran as if my life depended on it… which honestly… it did. Running up to the door, I grabbed the handle and twisted, hoping to the Goddesses that it was open… and as if my prayers had been answered, it turned and the door opened, causing me to fall into the shop, rolling onto the carpet. Climbing back to my feet as quickly as possible, I pushed the door closed and turned the lock, preventing anyone from getting in. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned and looked back at my shop… I hadn’t been in here in a while, I’ve been so busy at work that I haven’t even checked in on Malcolm to see how he’s doing with the store on his own. I had asked him a few times, but he just says it's going okay. And as I looked out at all the clothing on display… yeah, it wasn’t in a state and it wasn’t on fire, so I’d say Mal had it handled so far. My relief was short-lived, as I heard a bang on the door which caused me to turn around… to see the police officer that had been chasing me standing there… his face looking through the glass window on the door… staring at me in the eyes. I couldn’t move. I completely froze, my heart beating like a hummingbird’s, watching as this officer tried to open the door. Then, failing that, he tried to slam against it as I backed away slowly towards the workshop. Failing that… he pulled out his baton and covered his face with his free arm and swung for the glass… causing it to shatter. Using this opportunity, I ran towards the workshop whilst he reached in and unlocked the door, letting himself into the shop as he hunted me down. I was so close… Just need… to get… to… I was mere inches from the door to the workshop… when I felt a large hand grab my arm and pull me back. “You little shit… come here… you’re the one we’re after…” He growled, pulling me up into the air by my wrist, letting me dangle from his grip… making my arm ache. “FUCK OFF, LET ME GO!” I screamed, looking around to my attacker, trying to pull away with all my strength… not that it was anywhere close to his, and was doing absolutely nothing for me right now. “Not a chance, little one, you’re going to get me promoted. Or at least recognised.” He grinned. “You’ve been pretending to be an adult in Parliament for too long. I can’t wait to see you put back in your place, shitting in your nappies.” “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I screamed again, before spitting at him. “I am placing you under…” Before he could finish his sentence, something large came from behind and struck the back of his head, causing him to fall flat on his face on the carpeted floor. As he released his grip on me due to falling unconscious, I fell backwards onto the floor, on my padded arse. At least that cushioned the fall a bit. But realising my situation, I didn’t hesitate at all to rush around and hide behind the counter. “I… ugh… oops… didn’t mean to hit him that hard…” I heard coming from the other side of the shop counter. Looking down, I could see the officer was currently out cold, but still breathing, and I looked up to see just who my saviour was. And what I saw… I was not expecting. “Hi… Olivia…” The shy brunette beauty with freckles adorning her face said, blushing and looking down at the floor. I looked up at her as she walked over, carefully stepping over the Amazon officer’s body, before stopping right in front of me and kneeling down. “I… umm… if you’re here to kidnap me and adopt me… I’m just gonna say…” I was ready to try and bullshit my way out of this, but she quickly cut me off. “Oh no! No no no no no no! Nooooo! That’s not it! I promise! Pinky promise!” “Pinky promise…? Wait… just who are you then?” She didn’t look familiar. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this woman in my life. But then she looks like most Amazons when she’s towering over me like this, even with her kneeling down. She was gorgeous, I’ll give her that, but I think I would have remembered someone this cute. Looking around my age, she wore a purple baggy jumper with sleeves that were way too big, so big that she had cut holes in them for her thumbs so she could wear them like gloves, along with baggy jeans that went all the way down to the floor, covering the majority of her shoes… She looked like her fashion taste hadn’t changed since the 90s. It was kind of adorable really. Large round glasses balanced on the end of her nose, giving her that nerdy bookworm aesthetic that I loved on Charlie so much. And looking down at the floor… I saw the large mannequin that she had thrown at this officer’s head, laying next to the unconscious man. “Hi… I’m Vanessa. Though people call me Nessa.” The Amazon woman smiled at me. “Hi… I… umm… thanks?” I replied, my heart still racing. “Oh you’re welcome! Sorry I couldn’t help sooner, I… I’ve been a bit nervous about introducing myself.” “Introducing… wait… what?” “Oh… umm… sorry, yeah that seems a bit… stalkery… umm…” “Have you… have you been following me?” I asked. She went quiet for a bit, looking really damn guilty, before raising her head and looking at me in the eyes. “...Sort of? I…” “Who are you, Vanessa? And why have you been following me? And more importantly… why did you just assault someone to save me?” “Because you…” She stuttered, trying to get past her anxiety. Part of me felt sympathetic, I knew that feeling well, but right now a strange Amazon was cornering me against the workshop door, and apparently she had been following me. For how long, I have no idea… but I was too focused on trying to find a way to run away from her to think about asking. “Tell me!” I raised my voice at her. “Because you mean a lot to Charlie!” She yelled back, sounding scared. “...Okay? And why do you care?” “B… b… because… she means a lot to me…” “She does? How? Who are you exactly?” “I… umm… I… it’s hard to explain…” “Tell me now, otherwise I’ll scream for help…” I knew that no one would be able to hear me, the rioting outside would cover up any little’s noises, no matter how much they screamed. But I was betting on the fact she probably wasn’t thinking about that. “I… because of this!” She grabbed the bottom of her jumper with one hand, and the top of her jeans with the other, and separated the two from each other, revealing… “A nappy? But… what? But why? You’re an Ama… oh.” My jaw dropped. That’s when it hit me. Amazons don’t usually wear them. They’d only wear them if they were incontinent or… they’re like me. Charlie and Madison’s ‘adult baby’. This is her. This is the woman Madison scared off. The woman Charlie found her maternal side with. “You’re… the adult baby… aren’t you?” “She told you about me?” Her face lit up when she said this, sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs so she was at the same height as me once I had stood up to match her. “Yeah. Told me Madison was horrible to you and scared you off. And that she felt terrible for you and how things ended…” “Yeah… that’s me. I really liked Charlie. Oh and don’t worry, I don’t mean in the same way you do. She was a perfect Mummy though, so kind and loving and generous. But that’s all it was! I’m not here to threaten your marriage or anything!” She laughed, very awkwardly. “So why are you here?” “I… wanted to get back in touch with Charlie for a while. Especially after she released her book about you two. I may have passed this store a few times since, trying to work up the courage to come in and introduce myself and everything… but I… I have anxiety. Then when you were on the news, and you mentioned Charlie being attacked and stuff… I wanted to help her… help the both of you. She was so wonderful to me, and if I could repay her back by helping you… so yeah, I rushed over to your store.” “Why did you come here? How did you know I was going to come here?” “I… I was in the crowd earlier. I believe in the same things you and Charlie do. I’ve attended a few protests, at least until my anxiety got the better of me and I had to leave early. This big one was too important though, so I pushed my fear down, and marched with you from the hall. I kept my distance, still too nervous to talk to you, because I mean what am I gonna say? Especially in front of tens of thousands of people? That I’m an Amazon who likes to be babied and wear baby clothes and nappies? It’s not just something you bring up in casual conversation. But now it’s just us two… I… I feel a lot more confident. That’s why I could tell… and show you. Sorry, I just realised now that showing you the n… n… nappy… that it was weird and wouldn’t have explained anything. Sorry. I’m… yeah… I’m not very good with people.” “Charlie has told me a lot about you. Never told me your name though. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I smiled at her, feeling that I could genuinely trust her. I mean what Amazon is going to wear nappies just to kidnap and adopt me? She… she was just as Charlie described her, especially the anxious part. “It’s nice to meet you too!” Her face lit up again. “I… she told you a lot about me?” “Yeah, she clearly feels a lot of regret regarding how things went. And then Madison…” “I heard what she did to you at your wedding. I’m glad she got what she deserved.” “How do you know…?” I asked. “That she was the one you were talking about before at the hall?” “Yeah…” I looked at her suspiciously. “Because… she reached out to me.” “She WHAT?” “Yeah, surprised me too. But she wanted to make amends for how she treated me. Told me what she had been through. And you know what? I genuinely believe she has changed. Obviously I still don’t want her in my life, but it was nice… I guess it was closure… sort of?” “I was hesitant to believe it at first, but apparently she was the one who alerted my friends that Charlie was… off.” “Is Charlie okay now? I heard you talk about her in your speech…” “She’s in a coma, but she should be fine when she wakes up. If she ever does…” “Can… Can I see her?” Honestly… it was like looking at a sad puppy. There was no way I could turn down her request, not with the look she was giving me right now. That’s when I had an idea. “I… look, I’ve still got work to do here. And I’m trusting you because Charlie trusts you. But I need someone to watch over her. I can’t guarantee she’ll be safe whilst I’m leading this protest, and I need someone to guard her. I trust the people taking care of her right now, but I have a feeling they’re going to be overwhelmed with littles being brought in, so Charlie needs someone dedicated to watching her. Think you can do that?” “I umm…” She looked nervous again. “At least go be with her, make sure she’s okay, and tell the Doctor there to watch out for retaliation?” “I think I can do that!” She said, sounding more optimistic now. “Thanks. Here, let me give you my number, you can contact me if anything happens with Charlie.” Nessa pulled out her phone and I quickly put my contact details onto it, before handing it back to her. “I can do that… thanks… Thanks for trusting me. I won’t fail you.” “Maybe if all of this works out… we could have a playdate?” I laughed as a figure suddenly appeared in the doorway. “I’d like dat!” Nessa replied. “LIV?” The figure in the doorway shouted. “Yeah?” I replied, as soon as I saw who it was. “Claire? You found me!” “Are… are you… okay?” Claire replied, slowly walking into the shop, nodding towards Nessa suspiciously. I think she was ready to attack the poor girl, so I quickly replied so she didn’t throw a right hook in Nessa’s direction. “Oh yeah, don’t worry, this is Vanessa. She’s Charlie’s old… friend.” “Is she?” Claire was still suspicious about the new Amazon woman sitting in front of me, and rightfully so. “Seriously. It’s fine. She’s going to go to the hospital on the other side of town, aren’t you Nessa?” “I think I know the one you’re talking about. The little’s recovery one, right?” “Yeah, ask the receptionist if you can speak to Eve. I’ll make sure to send Eve a message to let you in. They’re probably locking down as we speak, with everything going on.” “Liv, we need you at LIBRA.” Claire interrupted, sounding out of breath. “LIBRA? Seriously? Why would I go there?” I replied in disgust. “No one knew Chris’ true intentions or end goals, I assure you. We all genuinely want to improve things. But right now we’re leaderless. We need someone to take charge. We need… you.” “But you’re much better at running and organising things, Claire. You’ve been Chris’ right hand woman this whole time.” “I’m no leader, Liv. Please… come with me.” I knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so I exhaled heavily in frustration and looked back at Nessa. “Fine. Nessa, are you going to be okay? I can trust you, right?” I asked the anxious Amazon woman. As she nodded and smiled at me, I could feel how sincere she was about wanting to help. And if she was as close to Charlie as my wife had made out, then I think she’ll keep her safe, no matter what. I mean she knocked out a police officer to save me, and she barely knows me! “Let’s go. It was nice meeting you, Vanessa.” Claire said as she reached over and grabbed me, picking me up and carrying me out of the store as I waved back to my newest acquaintance. ======================================================= Oh look... someone new! Or not quite new... At least someone we haven't seen before! Not properly anyway! This was one of my fave chapters to write. Little in Love 2 only has a small handful of chapters left on my SubscribeStar, then I'll be posting my next Monstrum story on there. I'm still in the middle of writing that, but when I've finished it, I'll be starting one of two stories I've got planned. Either Witch in Training 2 (which will probably be the last littlefallenverse story, at least for a while)... or a secret independent story that isn't part of either of my universes. Maybe I'll ask what people want most, maybe I'll wait and see which I'm feeling more confident about writing, either way I'll keep you all updated when I've finished writing my current story! If you haven't seen, I'm now up and running on Subscribestar! (Sorry for the reminder again, trying to get my subscribers back after the Patreon rubbish!) Hoping to start the new SubscribeStar exclusive short stories with a trial run in January! if the first commission goes well, I'll see how many I can handle per month (thinking about 2 per month. These stories won't be posted here at all.) ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my patrons for their support over the past couple of years! Seriously, your support meant the world to me, and I hope to be set up somewhere new soon. New chapters of Little in Love 2 every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

What in the abdl world does nothing for you? For me it's diaper porn. I love girls in diapers, but add sex to the mix and I'm out. Oh, and as someone who has to review every image posted to diapermates.... poop and dick pics. Ruining my morning coffee for 15 years lol

Welcome to the first "Side Chapter" to the story. I do want to give some warning for the content ahead. This chapter was one of the hardest things I've ever had to write, and it's not an easy read. I would recommend not reading this in a negative headspace, as the content inside is...well it's a lot. I would understand if you need to take a break reading through it, 'cause I had to take quite a few just to finish it. I do hope you're able to finish it though, because despite the dark subject matters within, there's a part of the story that is somewhat beautiful, like the calm in the middle of the storm. Just remember one thing while reading: at the end of a long night, the sun will rise once again. Thank you for reading. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Side Chapter: Prologue - A Fateful Encounter (CW: Homophobia, Transphobia, Domestic Abuse, Parental Abuse, Slurs, Blood, Deadnaming, Violence) April 8th, 2021. 10:38pm “What. The. Fuck. You’re a fucking dude?!?” Shit, I thought I locked the bathroom door. Johnny stands at the entrance, rage emanating from his pores. All I needed to do was take a shower, and wash the stress of the day from my body. I barely managed to remove my pants before my boyfriend barged his way in. The look on his face is one I know all too well; one of bigoted disgust. I guess we’re not doing date night. I wanted to take things slow with us, having refused to show him my body, afraid of this exact situation. It’s just like before…with HIM. I don’t want to go back there, but my mind refuses to heel, bringing me back to that day. *** “Dad, please!!! I’m still the same person, I…” I’m cut off by the glass bottle being chucked at me from across the room. Pain shoots through my shoulder blade, and I reflexively move my hand to stop the bleeding, managing to dig a shard deeper inside. I pull my hand back, covered in crimson. “I’m not going to have some sort of faggot freak for a son! Get the fuck out!” There’s no room for discussion. That same rage and disgust, reserved for the ‘degenerates’, was now focused directly on me. I turn to Mom, tears welling in my eyes, hoping that she can help me out here. “Mom, please, can you try and talk sense into him?!? You know me! Please, Mom.” She doesn’t look at me, but I can tell she’s crying. “Ricky, you should leave,” she briefly glances my way before returning her eyes to the floor. “Please, before you make things worse.” I fall to my knees, utterly defeated. Dad gets up from his ratty-ass leather chair and goes to the back door. “I’m going for a smoke. You have 5 minutes. If you’re still here by the time I’m back, I’ll bury you in the yard!” He makes his exit, Mom following suit. The door closes behind her, and I can hear the sounds of a shouting match between them. I can’t make out the words, but I understand the emotions: rage, sorrow, bitterness. I don’t need to be told twice. I march my way over to the front door, slamming it shut. I run to my car, pulling the keys out of my pocket and unlocking the door as quickly as I can manage. My shaky keys fumble with the ignition, desperate to get out of this place. I drive. I’m not sure where, or for how long, but I drive. In my autopilot, I must have ended up in the empty parking lot of the old gas station, long since closed down. I twist the key, turning off the ignition. I’m finally able to return to my senses. The pain in my shoulder, adrenaline having worn off, throbs intently, the large shard of glass sticking out. I reach over one of the many boxes inside the car and open up the glove box. I pull out a small red box; an emergency first-aid kit. Opening it up, I pull out a pair of tweezers, a large band-aid, and some peroxide. Tweezers in hand, I take hold of the shard, preparing myself for the following anguish. “FUUUCK!!!” The glass dislodges from my body, blood trickling down my shoulder. I quickly pour the peroxide onto the wound. At first, nothing seems to happen, but then, perhaps the worst pain I’ve ever endured shoots through my body. I drop the bottle, the contents spilling over my jeans, and I clench my teeth. “ARGH!” I don’t have time to stop though, and I hurriedly put the band-aid over the top of the gash. The band-aid doesn’t hold out for long, blood pushing through the cotton wick, so I pull out a second one, replacing the used bandage. “That’ll have to do for now.” I think to myself, hoping the bandage will at least protect the wound from infection. I reach back into the glove box, pulling out my hidden pack of cigarettes. “How disgusting. They’re even the same brand as that bastards” I light the tip and inhale, hoping that something, anything would make me feel better. But it doesn’t. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, the sobs echoing through the interior. “I’ve…lost everything.” I release my emotions, letting out a blood-curdling scream, as loud and for as long as my lungs allow. I cry, I wail, I lament. “It’s dark now.” That’s all I can think, looking at the night sky. “But…it’s beautiful.” The stars are shining brightly, unobscured in the dead of night. I take a look at the moon, radiant in its crescent form. It…gives me hope. “I don’t need them. I can live my life just fine without them in it.” Out of all the pain and turmoil that today had brought, I did gain something, something irreplaceable. I was finally free. I could be…me. *** That same pain, one of rage and shame, bubbles up inside me. I walk over to Johnny, jabbing my finger into his chest. “I AM NOT A ‘FUCKING DUDE’, I’M A FUCKING WOMAN!” I let my words drip with venom. I don’t care if I’ve been dating him for 2 months, I won’t let anybody talk to me like that. “Oh really? Could’ve fooled me with that cock between your legs!” His unwarranted anger only adds fuel to my own fire. “I told you before I moved in that I was different! Too bad you spent all that time looking at my ass. Perhaps if you paid more attention, you would’ve fucking noticed!” I continue to press into him, until he grabs my hand, bending my wrist back. “LET GO OF ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Keeping hold of my hand, he tosses me out of the bathroom. I land on my ass with a thud, getting rug burn across my upper thighs. “By weird, I thought you meant all your Wiccan crap, not that you were some kind of freak!” Freak. Freak. Freak! That fucking word! I don’t even register getting to my feet or marching up to him. Only when my palm makes contact with his face, the slap hitting his mouth, do I even realize what I’ve done. He looked stunned, like nobody had ever dared to hit him before. I hold my hand in front of my face, appalled by my actions. “Johnny…I…” His fist barrels into my abdomen, and I bend over, falling to the floor. I gasp, trying to regain the air that had been sucked into my lungs. “You fucking bitch! I can’t believe I ever let you suck me off!” I wish I could say something witty, something clever, maybe some remark about his small dick, but I can’t. I’m unable to catch my breath. I struggle to just barely breathe. He grabs me by the hair, dragging me to the front door. I can some hair follicles pulling from my scalp, sending my pain receptors into overdrive. Despite the pain, all I can manage to let out between ragged exhales are small yelps. He tosses me out into the hallway, my head banging against the wall of the apartment complex. I see stars for a moment, unable to notice my bag flying towards my face. It hits its intended mark, one of the rounded spikes poking into the flesh just below my eye. “Fu…fucking dick…” My vision clears enough to see him standing behind the door, vitriol in his eyes. “We’re done. Stay the fuck away from me, queer!” He slams the door shut, locking it behind him. Fuck…fuck, I can’t stay here. The noise must have awoken at least some of the neighbors, and I don’t want them to see me like this; bruised up and pantsless. I grab my purse, running as fast as my battered legs can manage, going through the entrance and exiting into the city street. Where am I going? Where can I even go? I make my way down the sidewalk, my bare feet crunching the loose bits of debris and trash beneath them. I wish I hadn’t left my car at work. I make it a few blocks down the road, the lamplight giving me just enough ability to see, without allowing me to know where I am. I’m new to the city, only having moved here a couple of months back to start my new job, so I have no idea where I am right now. I could be in the absolute safest part of the city, or it could be the opposite. I have no way of telling which. But in my current state, I hope it’s not the latter. I’m an easy target right now. I can feel my legs start to tire, the panicked rush from earlier having subsided. I don’t think I can go on much longer. I spot an alleyway to my right, looking like a relatively safe spot for me to catch my breath. I lean against the wall, letting my body sink to the cold, damp concrete, sending a chill through my body. I open up my bag, pleading to the gods that I left my phone inside. I fumble my hand around through the dark, hoping to feel the glass of the screen somewhere inside. I eventually find it, quickly pulling it out and hitting the power button. The screen flickers to life, but my heart drops. 1% battery life. As quickly as the light illuminated the space around me, my beacon of hope died, trapping me in the surrounding darkness once more. Why? Why does this always happen to me? Why do I allow people to get close to me, only to get hurt in return? I thought I didn’t need anyone, but the pain inside my heart tells me a different story. I need somebody, anybody, who will just accept me. That’s all. Not love, not adoration, but acceptance. But they won’t. They never do. I curl up, resting my head in my knees, for comfort, and for warmth. Suddenly, I’m that 18-year-old girl again, getting kicked out of the house, abandoned by the ones who were supposed to love her. I cry out into the night, taking at least some small comfort that nobody is around to see me break down. I’m so disgusting. *** Next time Andrew wants to ‘meet a client for drinks’, he can at least pick a spot with decent parking. I exit the quaint establishment into the chilly evening air, pulling my scarf tight across my neck to keep warm. It hadn’t been a total lie; we did meet a client, and the two manchildren did partake in more than a few drinks, but I had hoped to at least discuss our plans for the quarterly budget. Instead, I spent the evening watching my colleague downing shots with a man old enough to be my father. If I wanted to see a bunch of grown-ass men acting like frat boys, I could’ve done so on TV, from the comfort of home. After dodging their 5th attempt to get me to drink with them, I had finally found an excuse worthy of my exit. “Sorry, I have to be up in the morning, there’s a doctor’s appointment I have to make.” A total fib, but at least it got me out of there. I have a rare day off tomorrow, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to spend it nursing a hangover. I continue walking down the city street, thinking of all the ways I can spend my time relaxing. Maybe I’ll go out to the movies, or treat myself to a little shopping trip. I wonder if Alex and Jessica are free. Maybe we can have a little playtime. I turn right on the block, and my train of thought is thrown off track. I can hear a series of strange noises ahead of me. Is that…is someone crying? I follow the sound down the street, coming up to an alley on my left. It’s definitely coming from here. “Hello? Is someone there?” Some part of my mind thinks this could be a bad idea. I mean, who would be crying in an alley this late at night? Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me. Or maybe it was just a street cat, crying out in hunger. I don’t get to wonder for too long though, as my question is soon answered. “GO THE FUCK AWAY!” That voice…it’s in such pain. I pull my phone out of my pocket, turning the flashlight on, and lighting up the area. A few feet from where I’m standing, I can see the source of the cries; a young woman, curled on the ground with tears coming from her eyes. You heard her, you should just leave her alone. This isn’t any of your business. But I take a closer look at her. She is not okay. Just looking at her face, I can see a large welt under her eye, having turned a nasty shade of purple. Her legs, tightened up around body, are covered in bruises and abrasions. Her bare feet, having turned white from the cold, are adorned with cuts along the bottom. What in the hell happened to her? I barely took a step forward before she pushed her body further back into the dark alley. “Stay away from me!” This isn’t normal. It’s a trauma response. I hold my hands out in front of me, trying to convey that I mean no harm. “Hey, it’s okay! I’ll stay right where I am. There are better places than an alley to rest, you know,” The girl looks me up and down, trying to determine if I’m a threat. “What’re you doing out here sweetie? You’re certainly not dressed for the cold.” I was underexaggerating. I can see her trying to hold back her shivers, the lone shirt around her body not being nearly enough to keep warm in the daytime, let alone a night like this. “That’s…none of your business.” She wraps her arms around her legs, keeping her guard up. “That might be, but I’m here now, so it has sort of become my business, wouldn’t you say?” She doesn’t respond, but I can see her arms loosen a bit, becoming a bit more relaxed towards my presence. “Would you mind if I take a seat next to you?” The shivering woman raises a brow at my request, not having expected that one. “It’s a free country. Do what you want.” I slowly make my way into the passage. Getting within a couple of feet of her, I begin to kneel, careful to leave enough space between us to not threaten the poor thing. She flinches slightly as I sit down, but doesn’t back away. “How about I introduce myself? I’m Emma, nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out, offering a simple handshake that she doesn’t return. She just stares at me, like I’m some sort of strange creature. “Roxie…” Well, at least she’s talking. That’s a start. “It’s nice to meet you, Roxie. It looks like you’ve had a rough night. My car is right up the road. Can I take you somewhere? Do you have a place to stay?” Her tears return, a sniffle coming out of her nose. “No, my…my ex and I just…broke up,” From her current state, I can tell this was more than a simple lovers quarrel. My blood boils just thinking about what that man could have done to her, but I remain calm and focus on listening to her. “He…called me a freak, and…I can’t go back there. I can’t…” She trails off. A freak? Why would he say such a cruel thing? From her appearance, I can see that she follows more of an…alternative lifestyle, the black of her clothing and hair contrasting with the paleness of her skin, but I certainly wouldn’t call her a freak. But then, things start to click. The subtle signs that people tend to miss; the lightness of a voice spoken from the throat rather than the chest, the way the shirt seems to cling around her form, the unusually small chest for someone her age, and it all begins to make sense. I see what happened. Poor thing. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” She looks away from me, staring down at the ground. “Can I call somebody for you? A friend, or a family member.” I’m caught off guard by a cynical chuckle escaping her lips. “No, I don’t have anyone like that. I’m new to the city, and my family…is out of the picture. I’m alone.” My heart breaks into pieces upon the confession. All alone, in a strange new city, and she still has the ability to laugh. “Well, Roxie, at least let me bring you to the hospital. You need to get those wounds taken care of.” She jumps to her feet, her arms wrapping around her waist. Damnit Emma, you pushed too far. “No!” For a second, I think she’s going to take off, and vanish into the night, but she calms down. “Sorry, just…I can’t go to the hospital. I…don’t have insurance at the moment.” This woman really can’t catch a break. What do I even do in this situation? I can’t just leave her here. The temperature will continue to drop, and with her attire, she’d surely freeze to death by morning. There’s only one thing I can think to do. I have to do this gently. I stand up and look into her eyes, shrouded in uncertainty and fear. I make sure the expression on my face is one of pure warmth, and I let my tone become gentle and calm. “Well, I have a first-aid kit back at my place, and my guest bedroom is currently unoccupied. How about I get you fixed up, you can get some sleep, and we can figure this out in the morning. Don’t worry, the door has a lock on it, so you’ll have some privacy.” Her mouth is agape, perhaps unable to comprehend what she just heard. “Why? Why are you doing this? I’m a total stranger. I could be a psychopath, or some kind of criminal. Why would you go so far for someone you just met in an alley?” I slowly reach my hand out. I can see her foot shift a bit, wondering if some sort of assault is coming her way, but she stays in place. She keeps her eyes on me, not exactly trusting me yet, but at the same time, no longer afraid. I place my hand on her shoulder, lightly resting it there. “Why do I need a reason to help someone in need? If I just left you here in the cold, what sort of monster would I be? I help because I can. There’s nothing more to it.” You could say I’m more than a little surprised when I feel her move forward, leaning into my chest. I wrap an arm around her, rubbing concentric circles along the small of her back. “It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re not alone now, Roxie.” I can feel her shivering vibrate my body, so I hold her close, trying to provide my body heat to the cold, sobbing mess. The embrace lasts for a few moments longer, the girl gently pulling away from me. “Sorry, you must think I’m strange, hugging you like that.” I let out a light laugh, and move my arms around my neck. I take off my scarf, wrapping it around her to keep her warm. “It’s alright, I don’t mind,” I hold out my hand, and with a moment's hesitation, she takes it. “Now let’s get out of this place before you catch a cold.” *** The car ride is filled with silence, neither one of us quite sure what to say. I focus on the road, not wanting to stress the girl out with any undue words. I can see her leg tapping about restlessly in the passenger seat from the corner of my eye. It’s but a few moments later that I reach my destination, pulling into my driveway. I unbuckle my seatbelt and step out the door, into the chilly night. It dropped fast. I’m glad I got her out of there when I did. I can hear Roxie stepping out of the passenger side as I make my way up the pathway, turning around as I reach the door, waiting for her to catch up. She makes her way over to me, her hand holding onto her arm in a nervous state. I open the door, flicking the light switch on as I step into my warm abode. Home, sweet home. I make my way inside, tilting my head back to see her standing outside the doorway. “Don’t be shy, come on in,” She looks reluctant, but eventually takes a step, joining me into the living room. I close the door behind us, leaving the chill of the night behind. “Welcome to my place. It’s not much, but make yourself at home.” I can see her eyes darting around, taking in the unfamiliar sights. “It’s…it’s nice. Thank you for having me, I appreciate it.” I smile at her. “Don’t worry about it! Now, the bathroom is right down the hallway over there, first door on the right,” I point in the direction. “There’s a first-aid kit underneath the sink. I can give you a hand if you like. It’s up to you of course.” She glances my way, making the slightest bit of eye contact before looking back towards her feet. “I…I should be fine, thanks.” “Alright, well you take care of that, and I’ll find you some clothes to wear. There’s a shower in there as well. I’d recommend rinsing off before you try and disinfect, just to make sure there’s no grime left.” She seems to perk up at the sound of a shower. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you again, Emma. I don’t know how I’ll repay your kindness.” “Like I said, don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to repay. There are a few guest towels underneath the sink as well, and feel free to help yourself to any sundries you might need.” She opens her mouth, perhaps to thank me again, but settles for a nod, and makes her way to the bathroom. I can hear the click of the lock as the door closes behind her. I take a seat on the sofa, gathering my thoughts. This girl has been through a lot today. She must be completely exhausted. I can hear the sound of water running in the distance, and I remember that I have a job to do. I make my way to the guest bedroom and open up the closet door. I should be able to find something for her to wear here. Rummaging through the hangers and neatly folded piles of clothes, I come up with a suitable outfit; a plain t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Not the most luxurious look, but it’ll do. I return to the hallway, placing the folded clothes in front of the door. I can hear the faucet turn off, along with the sound of wet feet on tile. I give the door a quiet knock before speaking. “Roxie, I’m going to leave some clothes out here on the floor for you. I’ll be in the living room, just come out when you’re ready.” “Okay, thanks, Emma.” I walk back to the living room, taking my seat once more. I can hear the door open for a brief moment before closing just as quickly. Only a few minutes later, I hear the door open again, and Roxie enters from the hallway. Her wounds have been addressed, bandages covering the worst of them. The borrowed clothes are a bit baggy for her, but they look nice. “Well, you certainly clean up nice.” She blushes and flashes me with a smile. That’s the first time I’ve seen one from her tonight. “Thanks, I probably look better free from blood and dirt. Thank you again for…” She interrupts herself with a yawn. I look over to the clock, noticing the time. It’s late. We could both use some rest. “Why don’t I show you to the guest room so you can catch some sleep?” She nods her head, clearly tired from today's events. I get up from my spot and walk down the hallway with her in tow. We walk inside the room, the light still on from my previous visit. “It’s rather quaint, but the bedding is soft, and the sheets are fresh. I’m sure you’re tired, so I’ll leave you to rest.” I turn to walk out the door, but I’m stopped by her voice. “Wait!” I look at the girl, a panicked expression across her face. “Would you…stay with me for a bit, just until I fall asleep? I…don’t want to be alone right now.” Oh, you sweet, sweet thing. “Of course, whatever you need.” I watch her crawl beneath the covers, and I walk over to the bed, taking a spot on the foot of it. “Thank you, Emma, for everything…” A few moments later, I watch her eyes close, the exhaustion allowing her to pass out in the blink of an eye. That didn’t take long. I get up, careful not to wake the sleeping angel before me. I walk towards the door, flipping the light switch off, allowing the darkness to help her rest. “You’re welcome, Roxie. Sweet dreams,” I whisper before gently closing the door, leaving it cracked just a bit. I make my way to my own room, kicking my shoes off before flopping onto the mattress. I don’t even have time to get underneath the blanket before the sandman takes hold of me, drifting away into slumber. *** I awake to a knock at my door, my body shooting straight up, totally alert. I can hear a voice from the other side. “Emma, it’s Roxie. Thanks again for letting me spend the night.” Roxie…who… The memories of last night flood into me all at once. I decide to respond. “Of course. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’m sure you must be hungry.” “Alright, I will, thanks.” I can hear the footsteps fade away, and I let out a sigh. I’m glad she was able to sleep through the night. I grab my phone, still in my pocket, and check the time. 9:24am. Not quite a full 8 hours, but I’ll take it. Just then, a notification goes off, and I see a text from Alex. “Hey Em, you wanna come over? Jess is just dying to see you. XOXO.” I take a moment to reply. “Sorry, I can’t today. A lot happened last night, and a friend needs me right now. I’ll fill you in later.” I hit send and place my phone down on the bed. A friend. For some reason, that doesn’t feel quite right. I don’t know how to explain it, but in the brief period of time since I’ve met Roxie…I don’t know, I feel something. A connection. Stop, Emma. You can’t think like that, not right now. A friend is exactly what she needs right now. I get up from my bed, place my feet into my slippers, and make my way out the door. Making my way through the hallway, I can see Roxie sitting at the table, munching on a piece of bread with peanut butter on the top. I don’t know if that counts as breakfast, but I’m glad she’s eating something. She notices my entrance and gives me a smile, a bit of crumb on her lip. “Morning Emma.” “Good morning! Would you like some coffee? I make a mean brew.” “Sure thing. Lots of cream and sugar in mine, please.” She seems more upbeat today too. “No problem, it will just take a second.” I walk into the kitchen, looking back to see her scarf down the rest of her makeshift meal. I walk to the counter and begin preparing the pot. I sit there, watching the liquid drip through the filter, and think about the girl in my kitchen. No home, no family, and no friends. What is she going to do? What am I going to do? It’s not like I’ll just toss her out to fend for herself. I’ll offer the room to her for a few days, at least until she can get on her feet. No matter her answer, I’ll let her know that I’m here for her, and that she has a…friend she can rely on. Grabbing the mugs, one full of black coffee, the other sweetened to perfection, I walk back into the dining area to see the smile on her face, breathing in the scent of the heavenly bean water. As I look at her, a single thought runs through my mind: Why don’t I want her to leave?

I'm sorry it has taken so long to get this out. I may make a few corrections still, but I wanted everyone to know I have not given up the story. I will not give it up until I finish it. 03-20-24 Update: I fixed a lot of errors and improved the flow. Chapter 25 - Unexpected Addition Darlene's fingers drummed on the cold surface of her desk, her eyes staring blankly at the wall cluttered with sticky notes and IT reports. She still couldn't stop thinking about the meeting with Julian, which made her feel she was being trapped like an animal, desperately clawing for an escape. She wanted a way to vent this out of her system. Anger at Julian, Bryan, and Corporate about how they justified John’s response and pinned John's reckless behavior on her. She was only doing her job, trying to keep Avery safe just as she was asked to do. Their inability to keep their own employee safe from an ill-behaved employee who seems to have a record of issues with other employees somehow is now her fault, and there was nothing they could do but install dam security badges on each floor and entrance/exit. "Ugh," she muttered under her breath, grabbing her personal iPhone phone and swiping through her contacts. She needed someone to vent to, someone who would understand the pressure she was under and the injustice that was served to her. Laurisa and Ashley, her sisters, were always there for her in times like these. Her thumb hovered over their names before she pressed the call. The ringtone kept going on and on. "Come on, pick up," Darlene whispered, willing either of them to answer. But one by one, both calls went straight to voicemail. The weight of frustration settled heavily on her chest. "Damn it," she hissed, quickly typing out a text to both of them: 'I need to talk ASAP. Call me when you can. Really need my sisters right now.' She then proceeded to text her sisters again in desperation. “I really need one of you. I am about to lose it at work.” She sighed, locking her phone and placing it facedown on the desk. Alone with her thoughts, Darlene's mind raced back to the conversation with Julian. They just didn't understand that John was about to hurt Avery. If she let it go on, that is precisely what would have happened. He came up here in a fit of rage and was uncontrollable, yet somehow, she was expected to reign him in with calm and delicate talking. Avery had already finished his second cup of coffee and wanted to check on Darlene. He glanced down at his favorite coffee mug adorned with colorful Legos. Despite its sentimental value, it was covered in dark, crusty stains. Avery knew Darlene would see the mess and tease him. From the thought of this, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. So, he made his way to the communal kitchen, trying to ignore the uncomfortable bulkiness of his diaper underneath his sweatpants. In that moment, he longed for the simplicity of pull-ups, which were much easier to hide and more comfortable beneath clothing. It was a thought he never imagined he would have in his adult life. When Avery entered the kitchen area, a couple of employees were talking. Avery put his head down as he passed them by and went to the sink to wash his coffee mug. He could hear them discussing the new security measures. "Nice outfit," a voice jibed, breaking Avery's concentration. He looked down only to realize his shit was only half buttoned and showed his white shirt underneath, which was really his onesie; half his shirt was tucked into his pants, and the other half hanging out the sides of his pants. His face flushed as he looked up to see two of Darlene’s employees smirking at him. Avery turned away from them and faced the kitchen sink as he buttoned up his shirt as panic surged. Avery forced himself to remain calm. Surely, they didn't know about the diaper. Surely, Darlene hadn’t said anything to them, but Avery still felt exposed, as if they knew his secret. It didn’t matter; Avery couldn't help but feel self-conscious as the comment was made, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. He hated that he had to wear bulky diapers, and the onesie Darlene had bought for him only made him feel more exposed. Yet, it was necessary to keep his secret hidden. Their comments didn’t help him shake off the constant reminder of his vulnerability. The internal struggle between wanting to hide and needing to accept his new reality waged within him. After buttoning up and tucking in his shirt, Avery turned around to face his coworkers. “Thanks," Avery replied tersely. He tried his best to ignore the comment. Then he put the coffee mug in the sink and placed some soap in it. He began washing the outside and inside of the mug, making sure to remove any lingering stains or residue. While he rinsed his mug, he could hear the coworkers’ mumbling words, but he couldn’t make them out. His heart panicked, and he wanted out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Avery was paranoid because he just knew the coworkers were talking about him. When he finished cleaning his coffee mug, Avery walked over and knocked on the office door before entering. "Is everything okay, Darlene?" Avery asked cautiously, opening the door slowly and peering into the office. His eyes were filled with concern, but he kept a respectful distance, sensing her need for space. "Fine, Avery," she lied, forcing herself to smile. "Just dealing with some... management issues." She didn't want to burden him with her problems, especially considering the struggles he was already facing in the current environment. She knew all too well about his fragile state and the anxiety that plagued him. "Alright," he said hesitantly. “Do you mind if I grab another cup of coffee?” Avery held out his Lego coffee mug. Darlene just nodded and said, “Sure.” Her voice was dry and monotone—not the normal Darlene, and certainly not the one he met prior to this weekend at her house. Avery walked over to the Keurig and placed a K-cup in there labeled morning brew. He then went to the small office fridge and found his normal bottle of creamer labeled “Avery’s Creamer”. He turned to see if Darlene was watching, but she wasn’t. She was focused on either her email or her iPhone. He could feel her anxiety even though she was trying to hide it. Afterward, he poured his creamer into the coffee mug, set it on the Keurig, and pressed brew. Avery watched Darlene from behind. He wasn’t sure what to say. He knew this was all his fault, and she was hiding the real reason for her frustration. For some strange reason, he wanted to sit on her lap and hug her, but he refrained from doing it. She probably didn’t need a hug and would push him away right now. He was bad at reading people, and this wasn’t a time to try. Once the coffee was complete, Avery began to retreat back to his work. "If you need anything, though, I'm here." "Thank you, Avery," she whispered, grateful for his unwavering support. But right now, what she really needed was her sisters' advice. As Darlene tried to refocus on her work, she couldn't help but feel helpless, trapped within the confines of her own thoughts, the expectations of others, and the injustice she felt. Avery returned to his office to start working again, aware that he had changed the whole office atmosphere with the incident last Thursday. He couldn’t get over the feeling that everyone was looking at him, but he didn’t dare look up to see if he was right. As he sat down and sipped his coffee. Avery took a deep breath and tried to block out the distractions around him. It wasn’t long till Avery's fingers danced over the keyboard, the rhythmic tapping a soothing counterpoint to the chaos that had been swirling around him all morning. He finally had let go of the thoughts that the security cards were his fault, even though he could hear the whispers down the hallways and across the cubicles. He was able to immerse himself in his research on cell walls, seeking to understand better their structure and function for the drug interaction project he'd been assigned. The screen before him was filled with diagrams and molecular schematics, each more complex than the last. His heart pounded in his chest in excitement as he attempted to refocus on the task at hand, which he loved. He read that the cell wall lies outside the plasma membrane, which defines the boundaries of the cell itself. The wall is freely permeable to most molecules, but the membrane exhibits selective permeability, tending to concentrate specific dissolved molecules and ions inside the cell. This complicated the matter of how he could calculate the external and internal pressure effects on the cell wall, which he knew he needed to figure out to make these custom drugs effective. As he delved deeper into his research, Avery's thoughts wandered to Darlene, her own struggles weighing heavily on his mind. He wished there was more he could do to support her, but for now, all he could do was focus on his work and prove himself to be a valuable asset in their ongoing battle against cancer – and against the challenges they faced both within and beyond the walls of their workplace. A few hours passed as Avery's eyes darted between the lines of text on his computer screen, furiously absorbing every last bit of information about cell walls. The pressure of the onesie and diaper beneath his clothing weighed heavily on him today, a constant reminder of his vulnerability, but at this moment, this wasn’t what he was focused on. He clenched his jaw, determined not to let it hold him back. This whole day had not been what he had hoped to come back to. "Guess what, Avery?" A familiar voice cut through the tense silence, and he looked up to see Christy standing behind him in a pretty light blue work dress, the delicate light hugging her slender frame. Her hazel eyes sparkled with excitement as always. A hint of perfume lingered in the air, a subtle but alluring scent that added to her charm. She radiated energy and vitality as the always positive girl he had come to know. "Hey, Christy," Avery said, confused about why she was here since they didn’t have any time set up to work on anything together today. "What's going on? What are you doing here?" "Looks like we're about to be full-time work neighbors," she announced eagerly, gesturing to Bryan approaching with two boxes of office supplies in his arms. She grinned at Avery, her dimples deepening as she giggled in anticipation. "Really? That's great!" Avery forced a slight smile, though his mind raced with uncertainty. How would having a new coworker impact his already delicate situation? He didn’t want Christy to know about his diapers or, worse, about Darlene inspecting his diaper. Avery was also sure this had something to do with John, and once again, this was his fault in his mind. "Good morning, Avery," Bryan said. "I hope you don't mind us invading your space a little." "Of course not," Avery replied, trying to sound genuine but not so sure about this. "It'll be nice to have some company." Christy's enthusiasm seemed to be authentic as she started to grab one of the boxes from Bryan. "Is it okay if we put these boxes down on your desk for the moment until we know where I'm going to sit?" Christy asked, gesturing to the second box she held. "Sure," Avery managed to say, forcing a semi-fake smile onto his face. His thoughts churned like storm-tossed waves, threatening to pull him under. He really liked Christy but as an office mate. He wasn’t sure. "Here, let me help you with that," Avery offered, rising from his seat to take the box from Bryan’s hands before Christy could get to it. The box’s weight surprised him, and he nearly staggered under its bulk. “What in the world did she bring with her?” he thought to himself. He knew he should be grateful for the distraction her arrival provided—a brief respite from the relentless nagging feeling that all this was his fault—but in fact, it was just another reminder that it was his fault and another chance to be found out. "Thanks, Avery!" Christy beamed at him, her cheeks flushed with excitement. "I can't wait to get settled in." There again was her enthusiastic voice. In fact, she was glad to be getting away from John and his two cohorts. It would be much better to be close to Avery and help him program his mathematical solutions in the software. Avery couldn't help but feel a pang of envy at her carefree attitude—something he had lost touch with long ago. "Let's go see where Darlene wants to put you," Bryan said, leading the way toward the office door. Avery placed the box on his desk, still feeling the shock of Christy's unexpected move.” Want to come with us, Avery?” Bryan clapped Avery on the shoulder. Avery just nodded yes, stood up, and followed behind Bryan and Christy. He prayed that neither of them could see the bulk or hear the slight crinkly sounds of the diaper he was wearing. As they approached Darelene’s office, Avery thought to himself that he was honestly a little shocked that Darlene would have agreed to this. But then it dawned on him as they approached: Darlene probably didn’t know. She would have told him. Bryan's knuckles rapped against the closed door, and Avery couldn't help but hold his breath. He could envision the conversation that was about to take place - the confusion, frustration, and possibly even anger that would follow. A wave of guilt washed over him, knowing he was adding to Darlene's already stressful day. The door opened, revealing a puzzled Darlene, who took in the sight of Bryan and Chisty standing together and Avery standing behind them. Bryan smiled. “Good morning, Darlene. I am so grateful you agreed to this. I need to know where you plan to let Christy sit," Bryan smiled. "What? No one told me about Christy coming up here," Darlene replied, both surprised and upset. Her gaze flicked to Avery, who felt he'd been caught red-handed, even though he'd had no part in the decision and no clue about it ahead of time. Avery quickly interjected, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on him. "I apologize, Darlene. This caught me off guard as well. I had no idea Christy would be joining us until just now." "Didn't Julian tell you?" Bryan asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "We're moving Christy up here for her protection away from John." Bryan watched as he read Darlene’s puzzled and upset facial expressions. “I thought Julian had already discussed this with you. He told me he was going to talk to you this morning." Bryan said hastily, trying to defuse the tension. "It's just a temporary arrangement." “Temporary by what means?! Till you get, John fired?!” Darlene quickly responded in anger. As the conversation continued, Avery became increasingly distracted by the warmth of his body and the confines of the onesie he wore beneath his clothes. He tried to focus on keeping his breathing steady, but his heart raced, fueled by anxiety and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability, as he stood there feeling helpless to control this situation. Avery's heart clenched as a stepped back up against the back wall of Darlene’s office. He listened to the heated exchange between Darlene and Bryan just beyond his cubicle. He could feel the tension thicken in the air, and a knot formed in his stomach. It was apparent that Darlene wasn't happy about this unexpected change, especially since she had yet to be consulted first. He hated tense situations and never did good with them. "An IT department isn't the place for Christy," Darlene argued, her voice rising with frustration. "This isn’t a research center dedicated to some magical DNA cancer treatments and a hideout for employees who are afraid of your troublemakers." He couldn't help but empathize with Darlene's plight – she'd taken him under her wing when no one else would, and now it seemed her generosity was being taken advantage of. "Look, I understand your concerns," Bryan attempted to soothe her, his tone measured and calm. Avery's heart raced as he heard Bryan acknowledge Darlene's concerns. His anxiety increased, and he felt a sudden need to pee. "We know it's not ideal," Bryan said, "but we're worried about Christy's safety with John and his friends harassing her. With the new security badge system causing tensions, we need to take precautions." The mention of John made Avery's bladder twinge even more, but he tried to ignore the urge to use the bathroom. He wanted to be present for this conversation in case his name came up, though his body protested against his will. Plus, he was trapped inside Darlene’s Office with Bryan and Christy blocking the way. "Christy is the last person I'm taking in from your department," Darlene snapped, her voice raised so that anyone nearby could hear it. "You can't expect me to house your whole R&D center just because you can't control John and his fucking behavior." It took all of Darlene’s emotion and resolve not to slam the door on them. Avery winced at the outburst, clenching his thighs together instinctively. He could no longer deny the pressure building in his bladder, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the room. It felt like a choice between preserving his dignity, staying informed, and not looking like he didn’t care about what happened with Christy, and he didn't know which option was more terrifying. "Darlene, we would appreciate your help and understanding in this matter," Bryan replied, his voice tense but controlled. "We'll find a solution to the John issue as soon as possible." Darlene couldn't help but roll her eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. She knew that the solution was to ignore it and pretend like it would never happen again. Plus, they wanted to make an example out of her for office violence. Avery's mind raced, trying to formulate a plan. Should he try to slip away now or risk embarrassment by waiting too long? The sudden silence in the room interrupted his thoughts, signaling that the discussion had temporarily ended. Panic gripped him as he realized he'd missed his chance to escape unnoticed. "Get it together, Avery," he thought, forcing himself to focus on his work. "You've faced worse situations before." "Please, just let me make it through this," he silently prayed. "I can't afford another slip-up." The air in the office seemed to thicken as the silence continued. Then Darlene's voice reverberated off the walls again, her anger palpable. Avery, already on edge from desperately needing to use the restroom, felt his heart rate spike at the sudden outburst. His grip on his own self-control wavered, and in that moment of terror, he lost the battle. Warmth spread through the diaper between his legs, rapidly soaking up the unexpected release. Avery's cheeks burned with humiliation, and he tried to shift his body to the side of the door frame, trying to hide any evidence of his accident. The bulky padding now felt even more intrusive, a constant reminder of his failure to keep control. Christy, oblivious to the situation unfolding just a few feet away, had been observing the heated exchange with wide eyes. When she finally glanced over at Avery, she noticed him standing uncomfortably and shifting his posture, a pained expression etched across his face. Concern filled her, and she hurried over to check on him. "Hey, are you okay?" Christy whispered close to Avery, genuine worry in her voice. Avery forced a tight-lipped smile and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He didn't want to draw any more attention to himself, especially with everyone on edge and arguing. It took all of his willpower to keep his gaze focused on Bryan and Darlene. "Alright, if you need anything, just let me know," Christy whispered close to him, puzzled by Avery's behavior. Darlene finally let out a long sigh, her frustration dissipating slightly. "Fine," she relented, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "But this is the last time, Bryan. I can't keep taking in people from other departments just because management can't control their employees." "Thank you, Darlene," Bryan said gratefully. "I promise we'll work on finding a more permanent solution." As the conversation drew close, Avery wanted to waddle back to his office and sit in his chair, defeated yet again, but he was wet and needed a change into a fresh diaper before he accidentally leaked. It wasn't that he had anything against Christy - quite the opposite, in fact. But the prospect of having someone so close to him, someone who could potentially discover his secret, filled him with dread. He felt a tear start to swell up around his eyes. "Get a grip, Avery, don’t start to cry now," he muttered under his breath as he felt the warmth of his diaper as it swelled up around his crotch. "Alright," Darlene relented, sighing. Christy, you'll be two desks down from Avery." "Thanks, Darlene," Christy said nodding gratefully, walking back to her new spot to begin unpacking her belongings. Avery watched from the corner of Darlene’s door, not moving till everyone left. Avery then slipped towards Darlene's desk, heart pounding in his chest. The shame hung heavy in the air around him, making it difficult to breathe. "Darlene, I..." he choked out, his voice barely above a whisper. "I had another accident” as a tear slide down his face and his head hung low. "Did you bring a spare diaper in your backpack?" Darlene asked gently; concern etched across her face as she realized the argument was stressful for the boy. "Y-yes," Avery stammered, avoiding her gaze. "Alright, go get it, then." Avery wiped his tears before he left the room. Darlene got up and started closing the blinds to her office and waited for him to return. Avery quickly picked up his backpack, not paying attention to Christy, who was watching him walk back to Darelen’s office with it. When he came back with his backpack, she locked the door behind them. "Sit down," Darlene instructed, gesturing to the chair by her desk. Avery did as he was told, trying to keep his composure while his mind raced. Darlene's gentle yet firm voice offered advice, "Next time, try to remain calm. Perhaps you could practice some breathing exercises and visualize a happy place. There are some helpful apps for that." She reminded him that he couldn't let these incidents occur frequently, or others might start to question them. "I know," Avery mumbled, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He tried to focus on the patterns in the carpet beneath his feet, but his thoughts kept intruding, taunting him with images of his coworkers' reactions if they ever found out. "Okay, let's get you changed," Darlene perked up but kept her tone professional as she opened a drawer and the supplies she brought with her this morning. "And when we're done, we both need to get back to work." "Right," Avery agreed, his voice barely audible. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself for yet another diaper change. He opened his backpack, pulled out his only spare diaper, and handed it to Darlene. It felt odd to be offering this exchange. Darlene spread out a large towel on the office floor, careful to smooth out any wrinkles. She then carefully arranged a few essential items: a package of baby wipes and a bottle of sweet-smelling baby powder. As he watched her, he couldn't help but feel his cheeks flush with embarrassment at the thought of using such items for their intended purpose. But Darlene didn't seem fazed at all, simply going about her business with a calm and confident demeanor. He couldn't help but be grateful for her as he didn’t realize this was her maternal instinct at play here. "Alright, lay down on the soft towel so I can change you into a fresh, clean diaper," Darlene instructed gently as she patted the towel. He couldn't help but feel a tingling sense of awareness and fear creeping over him, not because of Darlene but because Christy was just outside, within earshot. He could imagine her giggling if she knew his predicament. As he got up off the chair, he began to unzip his pants and step out of them, revealing the bottom of his onesie. “Do I take this off?” he asked confused. Darlene looked up at him, as she was already on her knee. “No need; the snaps are made for easy access just as I did before. Now, come on and lay down.” She patted the towel. The humiliation of these diaper changes had become all too familiar, yet a small part of him craved the comfort they provided and the attention he got from Darlene. Avery placed his pants on the chair and laid on the large towel. As Darlene leaned over to him, Avery closed his eyes and focused on the slow rise and fall of his chest. The shame still clung to him like a second skin, but he resolved to push past it and told himself to return and concentrate on his work when this was done praying Christy wouldn’t find out. He felt Darlene unbuttoned the onesie as he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, focusing on the patterns within the acoustic tiles. "Do I have to have the baby powder again?" he asked, hoping for the answer ‘no’ as he continued to stare up. Darlene looked down at him and replied, her tone firm but gentle. "As I said before, it's necessary to prevent diaper rash, so just trust me." He sighed, knowing she was right. But it didn't make the process any less mortifying. He heard the tapes unfasten from his diaper as she pulled the front end of the soaked diaper off, exposing him. He then lifted his hips as she slid the wet diaper from underneath him and then slid a new, fresh, disposable diaper into its place. He gritted his teeth as she applied the cold otion and baby powder, feeling exposed and vulnerable beneath her touch. He tried to connect the dots on the ceiling, hoping he wouldn’t get erect from her gentle touch on his sensitive parts. He could smell the heavy scent of baby powder in the air as it was applied to him. "Almost done," Darlene murmured, fastening the fresh diaper and then pulling the onesie in place, snapping the crotch back together. She helped him sit up, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. “You're doing great, Avery. Just remember to breathe and stay calm when you get nervous. Maybe you can prevent this future." After Darlene finished helping him, he quietly said a grateful "thank you." As Avery stood up, Darlene's hand almost reached out to pat his bottom, but she stopped herself, realizing what she was about to do. He then pulled his pants back on, feeling the added bulk of a new, fresh diaper underneath his onesie and trousers. "Of course," she replied, reassuringly squeezing his shoulder. "Now, let's get back out there and show them what you’re made of." It was almost as if she was giving encouragement to a boy not a young man. The embarrassment weighed heavily, but he couldn't afford to wallow in it. Suppressing a shudder, he picked up his backpack like he was about to head home and brought it back to his office. "Focus, Avery," he silently urged himself, knowing Christy was just outside Darlene’s office setting up her new desk. You can't change what happened, but you can keep it from happening again. You are smarter than this, stronger than this." He told himself as he did his best to hold back a tear. With that, he exited the office, determined to put the incident behind them and move forward with their day. A cacophony of thoughts raced through Avery's mind as he tried to drown out the sounds of Christy unpacking her belongings nearby. Christy glanced up from her unpacking, her gaze lingering on the closed blinds of Darlene's office. Curiosity piqued, she watched Avery return with his backpack, his body language tense and uneasy. The door clicked shut behind him, and Christy couldn't help but wonder if he was in trouble for something. "Is everything okay?" Christy asked genuine concern in her voice. "Everything's fine," Avery replied, trying to sound casual. "Just a minor issue." "Alright then," Christy said, nodding slowly as she returned to setting up her desk. Avery settled back at his desk, praying that the walls of the office had been thick enough to keep their secret safe. He focused on his research, determined not to let his anxiety get the better of him. Avery's heart raced as he returned to his desk again and slowly started to settle down, the scent of baby powder clinging to him like a cloak. Sitting down and looking at the computer, he did his best, trying not to draw attention to himself. Christy glanced at him from her new workstation; curiosity continued to be etched on her face. She didn’t feel like Avery was being straight with her and something was wrong. "Hey, Avery, can I pick your brain about this problem I'm working on that has your formulas?" she asked, strolling over with a notepad in hand. "I could use a fresh perspective." "Sure, let me take a look," Avery replied, attempting to calm his nerves. He was starting to focus on the equations before him, finding solace in their complexity. Avery began to explain the purpose and reasoning behind the equations. As they delved deeper into the project, Christy leaned in closer, her nose wrinkling delicately at a familiar scent. Soft notes of baby powder wafted toward her, causing her to pause and comment, "You smell like... baby powder?" Avery's muscles tensed when he heard the words. He struggled to maintain his composure. Sweat prickled at the back of his neck as he hastily responded, "Oh, uh, it's just a new laundry detergent." He prayed that she would accept his flimsy excuse. "It's supposed to be good for sensitive skin." "Ah, I see," Christy mused, raising her eyebrows with a hint of skepticism. She didn't press the matter further, but Avery could tell she was still puzzled by his choice of scent. The faint aroma of baby powder lingered in the air around them, mixing with the heady scent of coffee from their nearby cups. Avery quickly explained why he did what he did with the calculations that Christy was asking about. Christy finally agreed to his method. “it will be tricky to program, but I think I can figure something out.” She smiled. A wave of relief washed over Avery as Christy walked back with the notes she had taken and sat back down at her desk. They both separately drove back to their work. His mind whirred with calculations and possible solutions, grateful for the distraction from his earlier ordeal. Meanwhile, Darlene finally connected with her sister, Laurisa, on the phone when she called her back. She was eager to vent about the day's events and seek their advice. “Finally, you call me back. What took you so long?” Darlene exclaimed in a panicked and upset voice, feeling slightly neglected by her sister's delayed response. "Sorry, I was at the police department for new clients. They needed me to review their cases and complete all the necessary paperwork." Laurisa replied, her tone a bit strained as she became defensive of her own important work. Darlene could hear the exhaustion and frustration in her sister's voice and immediately regretted her initial outburst. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to imply that your work isn't important, too." She apologized sincerely, understanding the demands of her sister's job. “Darlene paused, trying not to cry from the stressful day. “I just really need my sisters, and I can’t talk about it here. I know it is short notice, but can we all meet up for dinner tonight? I really need to talk to you girls about what's been happening at work. I am about to lose it." Darlene said, her voice strained with frustration. "Of course," Laurisa agreed, concern evident in her tone. "We'll be there for you, sis. Just tell us where and when." "Great. Let's meet at that Greek place we love around four pm if that isn’t too early. It is the only way I think we will get any reservations this late in the week." Darlene suggested, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “No problem, I can get out of work early, and I am sure Ashley can too. Her work hours are generally not till late in the day.” Laurisa and Darlene both laughed. “I will make reservations for the three of us,” Laurisa replied. Darlene thought for a second. If they were going to leave work early, she needed to take Avery with her to ensure his protection. “No, make it four.” She paused. “I am going to bring Avery, the one I talked about previously.” “Oh really? It will be interesting to meet him,” Laurisa said. “First, you can’t Psychoanalyze the boy. The poor boy is confused enough as it is.” “Okay, I won’t. At least I won’t out loud. My job is to psychoanalyze people, and I can’t just turn it off,” Laurisa giggled. With that, Darlene hung up the phone, grateful for her sisters' unwavering support. As Avery and Christy continued work separately with only one empty desk between them, he found himself growing more comfortable in her presence, forgetting about the scent of baby powder. The earlier tension seemed to dissipate, replaced by the shared language of numbers and logic. For now, at least, his secret remained safe. About an hour later, Darlene came out of her office to talk to Avery. Christy looked up. Darlene was quick to the point. “Avery, I am going to leave work early at 3:30 pm today to have an early dinner with my sisters. With everything that has happened today and last week, I want you to leave with me and come to dinner. I just want to make sure your safe when I am not around. I don’t yet trust the badge system.” Avery looked up to see that in her expression, “No” wasn’t an answer Darlene would accept; however, it would be nice to leave before Christy so he would not have to worry about being caught in the elevator with his diaper on. Plus, lunch with Darlene last week was a wonderful break from fast food. “Sure, just give me five minutes heads up to wrap everything up.” Darlene nodded as she walked over to Christy and began talking to her. Darlene wanted to apologize for her previous behavior, saying she was taken off guard and that it wasn’t her fault she was so upset. Christy's face lit up with a radiant smile as she looked up at Darlene and they began to talk, her hazel eyes sparkling with warmth and excitement as they always seem to do. Avery couldn't help but steal a glance at her, his heart clenching as he watched her chat animatedly with Darlene, possibly about her new workspace. He couldn’t help but wonder if they were talking about him, and the thought made his stomach churn with nervousness. Despite his desire to join in on their conversation, Avery stayed rooted in his seat, feeling left out and unsure of what they were discussing. He couldn't take his eyes off Christy, who seemed genuinely thrilled about something. As Darlene and Christy shook hands, Avery pretended to be focused on his work, trying not to eavesdrop. When Darlene approached him with a smile and an air of excitement, Avery couldn't help but feel a surge of anxiety. "Guess what, Avery," she said, practically bouncing with anticipation. He looked up at her, trying to act surprised by her sudden appearance. "What?" he asked eagerly. "Christy will be joining us for dinner!" Darlene announced gleefully. Avery tried to hide his nerves, but it was clear from the way his hands shook that he was taken aback. "I-I mean, that's great," he stuttered, attempting to sound enthusiastic. "I just wasn't expecting it." Darlene looked confused by his reaction. "I thought you would enjoy her company," she said innocently. Avery nodded quickly, trying to play it cool. "I do, I do. It's just...surprising." Inside, he was brimming with questions about what had just transpired between them and whether or not Christy knew about him wearing diapers. But outwardly, he put on a mask of composure and simply replied, "Christy is a wonderful person." "Perfect, Christy will join us at the restaurant around 4 pm," Darlene said with a hint of hesitation. She couldn't shake off the feeling that she had made a mistake by inviting her. However, with John lurking around and keeping a watchful eye on her was her duty. It seemed necessary to have invited her for safety. With a sigh, Darlene headed back to her office to wrap up the day's work. The anticipation of meeting her sisters and sharing all the events of the day filled her with some comfort. As she finished her work and shut down her computer, she could already picture herself sitting at the restaurant table, laughing and exchanging stories with her sisters, who were her best friends.

Chapter 4 --- The next day Sarah approached Kate with a shy smile. "I was thinking... I think I can spend the night at your house next weekend. We don’t have that… thing … with my family." Kate’s heart leaped into her throat, not believing that Sarah had said yes, but now that the moment was here, the reality of it felt overwhelming. She bounced on her toes. "Awesome! It's going to be so much fun. We can stay up late telling ghost stories and painting each other's nails and..." As Kate chattered on enthusiastically, Sarah felt a blush creeping up her neck. The idea of her first sleepover was thrilling, but the looming specter of her nighttime issues hung heavily over the excitement. She thought of the practice runs she'd done with her mom, the awkward process of diapering and cleaning up discreetly. Could they really pull that off at Kate's house, without anyone finding out? Sarah took a deep breath, trying to center herself. Her mom's words echoed in her head: "You're facing your fears head-on, and that's the definition of bravery." She could do this. She had a plan, she had practiced, and most importantly, she had her mom's unwavering support. Sarah tuned back in to Kate's animated planning, forcing a smile that she hoped looked more confident than she felt. "That all sounds perfect," she agreed, her voice only slightly unsteady. "I can't wait." Their teacher called for the class to settle down, and the rest of the day passed in a blur, Sarah's mind constantly flicking between giddy anticipation and nervous worst-case scenarios. By the time she got home, she felt like a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap at the slightest touch. *** Kate nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she approached her mom, who was folding laundry in the living room. "Hey Mom? Sarah said she could spend then night. Can we practice the sleepover plan one more time? I want to make sure I've got it down." Kate's mom smiled warmly, reaching out to smooth Kate's hair. "That’s great news. Of course, sweetie. Let's go through it step by step, so you feel totally prepared." She retrieved a diaper from the package in Kate's room, then paused. "For the sleepover how about we store most of these in the master bedroom? That way, they'll be out of sight.” Kate nodded gratefully, and followed her mom to the bathroom for their practice run. Lucky, their dog, tried to follow, but Kate’s mom closed the door and said, “Lucky, you’ll have to wait - there’s barely enough room for two of us in her.” "Alright, honey, go ahead and lie down on the bathmat," her mom instructed gently as Lucky whined quietly outside the door. Kate obeyed, her heart fluttering with nerves about the sleepover as she settled onto the plush rug. The bathroom tile felt cool against her bare legs. Her mom knelt beside her, unfolding the diaper with practiced movements. "Bottom up, sweetie." Kate lifted her hips, allowing her mom to slide the diaper beneath her. "There we go," her mom murmured, securing the tabs snugly around Kate's waist. "How does that feel? Not too tight?" Kate sat up gingerly, aware of the comfortable bulk between her legs. "Perfect," she assured, wriggling a bit to settle the padding. Her mom helped her to her feet, then walked her through the morning removal process. "So, first thing when you wake up, you'll want to sneak in here and take off the diaper. Roll it up tightly, then slip it into one of these scented bags, like this." She demonstrated, sealing the bag with a quick twist. "Then just tuck it into the trash can under the sink. I'll make sure to empty it before Sarah wakes up, so she'll never know it was there." Kate nodded along, committing each step to memory. A small part of her marveled at how surreal this all felt - strategizing ways to hide diapers from her best friend, like some kind of bizarre spy mission. As if reading her mind, her mom reached out to cup Kate's cheek, her eyes soft with understanding. "I know this all feels a bit strange and scary, honey. But you're handling it with so much grace and bravery. I'm really proud of you." Kate leaned into the touch, feeling some of her anxiety melt away. "Thanks, Mom," she whispered. "I couldn't do this without you." They stayed like that for a long moment, just breathing together, until Kate remembered something. "Oh! Um, while we're here...could you maybe put me in a fresh diaper?" Her mom, recognizing her nervousness about the sleepover, smiled tenderly. "Of course, sweetie. Come here." She guided Kate back down to the bathmat, diapering her with the same gentle efficiency as before. As she taped the last tab in place, she smoothed a hand over Kate's arm. "It's okay to be nervous," she murmured. "Sleepovers can be scary even without the extra challenges. But you've got this, Kate. You're so much stronger than you know." Kate blinked back sudden tears, nodding shakily. "I love you, Mom," she whispered, the words feeling somehow too big and not big enough for this moment. Her mom gathered her into a warm hug, mindful of the padding between them. "I love you too, baby. Always and forever, no matter what." *** The next day at school, Sarah and Kate huddled together during lunch, excitement and nerves mingling as they planned out their sleepover. "I was thinking we could make personal pizzas for dinner," Kate suggested, doodling topping ideas in the margin of her notebook. "And then maybe have an epic Mario Kart tournament after?" Sarah grinned, nudging Kate's shoulder with her own. "That sounds perfect. And we can't forget the most important part - staying up way too late talking and giggling until your mom has to tell us to go to sleep for the third time." Kate laughed, a bright, unburdened sound that made Sarah's heart lift. In that moment, all her anxiety about diapers and nighttime accidents felt far away, eclipsed by the simple joy of scheming with her best friend. The rest of the day passed in a blur of giddy anticipation and carefully concealed nerves. By the time Sarah got home, she felt like a bottle of shaken soda, ready to burst with a jumble of emotions. When Sarah got home, her mom emerged from the home office, and sensing Sarah’s nervous energy, motioned for her to sit on the couch. She said, “We have a great plan - I know it will work. Let’s review it again. We can even do another dry run." They settled on the living room couch, Sarah fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as she repeated the plan they'd come up with. "So when it's getting close to bedtime, you’ll come over and say I forgot my medication. You'll meet me in the bathroom to help with the diaper. Then in the morning, I'll get up before Kate, take off the diaper, and wrap it up to throw it away when I get home. Right?" Her mom nodded, reaching out to still Sarah's restless hands with a gentle squeeze. "That's right, honey. And remember, we'll have your overnight bag packed with extra diapers and supplies, just in case." Sarah took a deep breath, trying to let her mom's calm confidence settle her jumping nerves. "Okay. Yeah. I think I've got it."

This is a pic I found on FB. It's Peter Mayhew (7'3") and Carrie Fisher (5'1").

You can add me to the diaper porn list, but that's a bit of cheating as an asexual I find all porn to be a turnoff. You can add written diaper porn to that too. This is a bit old, as I haven't seen one in a long time. Photos where panties are visible underneath the diaper.

where is the story?

Hey everyone! I’ve been hard at work continuing to write this story. A few things just happened to fall through this week, so I should be able to snap out a bunch of writing at least over the next few days. Right now, the story is sitting at about 14 chapters, so after this one, there should only be about eight left to go. My hope is that I will at least be done writing this story by the end of the month. I also just want to take the time to thank any of you who reached out and showed your support. Unlike The Opening story, despite a negative response initially, I’m still going to keep at this story and not doubt myself, but warm comments from you all are always nice to see. So, from the bottom of my creative soul and drive, I just want to thank you. Lastly, for those of you reading this one, I’m still trying to determine my next story, so be sure to let me know what you want of the three stories I placed on here to decide from. For those of you who may have missed these options or whatnot, just refer back to chapter 4. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter! Chapter 6: The Regret of One’s Manufacturing My efforts had all been met with failure and I was now about to attempt my fourth Little on my fifth day. Three Littles had all come and gone with various levels of success or failure for me, but as yesterday had been some Big holiday, I was now even more determined to find my new Little. If today didn’t work either with yet another Little, my self-confidence would definitely take a hit and I would only have two more days to accomplish my goal set by the toy council here. Still, my confidence for now was at least higher than it had been. My time with Travis, though ending with him tossing me in the mud where I almost sunk to my doom, had shown my commitment to my new path of life to many of the toys here at the daycare. I still felt a little weird with the extreme turnaround everyone now seemed to have with me from dastardly mustache-twirling villain to hero of the hour, but I suppose it was better than the alternative. After all, if Pete hadn’t intervened when he did, I would either be sleeping with used diapers and moldy cheese at the dump or simply just dust in the air by now after the flames of the incinerator. It was a fact that I couldn’t let go of and that kept me striving to be better every day now. So, as usual, I met up with Pete out in the hallway before any of the other Littles arrived today. Every toy and stuffy knew that after a holiday, Littles could arrive in several ways. For some, it meant being tired from their day of fun, but for others though… many of them might not want to sit down or might need to be moved down to another room tier. “Who’s up today, Pete?” I then asked eagerly when I saw the lumbering aged parrot in front of me in the still empty hallway. “Think of any good Littles for me?” Most of us had been just relaxing about yesterday during the holiday and rested ourselves for the likely coming storm that would be arriving in the next 15 to 20 minutes. I had hung around Carmen, Tops, and even the ever-silent Poodee, but I had also poked at Pete. In unusual form though, he said he needed to really think about my next Little and sent me away. He claimed my past Littles as ‘personal failures he intended to fix,’ and so I left him to his own deep thoughts. As such, I was nearly bouncing with anticipation over which Little he had found for me next. His next words were anything but satisfying though. “Turn around,” he said bluntly. “What?” I asked in confusion, shaking my head at the sudden shock of what he just commanded me to do. The only thing behind me was to go back into the Burrows room. It didn’t make any sense to me, unless… ‘Oh no! Pete thinks I’m a lost cause now! He’s sending me back to await my fate!’ I could quickly feel the panic begin to surge in my chest. This was Pete, but maybe his deep thoughts had made him realize just how hopeless I was. Goodbye Littles, hello dumpster… Pete nodded his head to the door behind me. “Turn around and go back into the Burrows room, Dash,” he said, now even pointing his wing back toward the Burrows room door to assuage any doubts that I had when I still didn’t move. “I want to try something different today…” ‘Oh no! I knew it! I was done for! A lost cause… a toy without hope… a… wait… What did he say again?’ I then looked at Pete with a mix of confusion. The anxiety I was feeling from the anticipation of that moment was nearly too much for me to handle, so I just had to ask for some clarity. “You mean… you mean you’re not giving up on me?” I asked quite pathetically. I almost couldn’t recognize my new self with my weaker demeanor lately. It might have disgusted my past self, but I knew I had been through a lot since my unboxing days and so I gave myself a break. To be blunt, I also knew that the previous shiny toy I had been was slowly becoming just a memory now. To my surprise yet again though, Pete chuckled lightly. “What? What are you even talking about?” Pete let out another chuckle, but then cleared his throat and looked at me tenderly. “No, Dash. I’m definitely not giving up on you. Quite the opposite actually. Come on.” Pete then slowly guided my still confused form back into the Burrows room, quickly making sure that Miss Mindy, still on duty from the night before, wasn’t in there already for her morning checks. Despite being a holiday and most actually going home this time, there were still two Littles left in the Burrows room. By now, most here believed that Fiona and Zack would be given up for adoption any day now by their original caregivers. It was pretty rare, but it still happened when a Big was never able to form a bond with their Little or if their life circumstances had changed somehow. After, we all would just reflect over the tragedy and wish them a speedy adoption. Fortunately, in this society, a Little rarely ever stayed unadopted for long. Regardless, Pete then led me over to a single crib with a name written high above on an ID tag. I read the name, but for a second, I thought he had lost his mind when I noticed that the crib was still empty. “Uh, Pete? This one’s empty…” Pete nodded nonchalantly. “Yes, that’s true, but it won’t be for long. As I’m sure you read, this crib belongs to Emma. You’ve probably actually seen her around before… she pitched a fit around the time you first came here. I think she might present you with a… unique opportunity.” My mind flashed back to that girl, I now knew as Emma, and then again to when I saw her being force-fed in the highchair some time later. She was protesting being put back into diapers when I first saw her, but she was apparently in the Burrows room now. If she was in fact the Little that had been crying the other night, her fall from maturity nearly mirrored my own misfortunes after my fall from power after my duel with Hop. “Uh, what unique opportunity did you exactly have in mind with her?” I asked, partially doubting my own abilities to help anyone in this room. The Burrows wasn’t a bad place necessarily, but it was usually seen as the bottom barrel around here. To be blunt, before my change, one of my bigger goals for Charley was that he would end up here by the end of my time with him. Looking back now, it wasn’t my proudest moment. “I mean, isn’t one usually too far gone once they get here? Beyond my help… especially as a newbie?” Pete hesitated and then shrugged. “I suppose you could say that, but I think Emma is actually more damaged than broken or even purely regressed.” I quickly looked at Pete in confusion. “See, she’s regressed but definitely not to a newborn level. That being said, with her condition, the staff thought this room would be best for her. Seeing Emma the other day myself, I really can’t disagree.” ‘Yikes…’ If Pete was even seeing something as a reason for her to justify being in here, it must have been serious, and my own self-doubts were only growing larger now. “What do you mean? Uh, I mean, can she walk or talk? Why would a non-newborn or infant-level Little need to be in here?” Pete sighed. “Well, I wasn’t there, but from what Nadia told me, she was punished severely after accidentally breaking a lamp and a phone in the lobby here initially. It put her on a watch list here of sorts, and when she threw a tantrum after being spanked because she went potty by herself, she was punished further. Since then, it’s been all downhill from there for her… that’s where you come in.” Pete looked like he wanted to continue, but Fiona and Zack began to stir and both of us ran and hid under one of the nearby cribs. “Uh, just ask me any questions that you have tonight. Until then, keep your eyes peeled though for any difficulties you might encounter. For now, just wait under this crib as Emma should be here within the hour. Good luck with her… I know you’ll do me proud.” Pete made her problems and my solution to them seem so obvious, but I was still completely in the dark. So, just as Pete began to leave, I placed a paw on his shoulder to stop him. “Wait… if she’s so… well, whatever she is, how is this going to be a challenge for me? What types of difficulties am I going to have with her? Is there something special I’m missing?” Pete sighed but also gave me a little knowing smile. “Oh… you’ll find out. You’re not in any danger per say, but just stick to what you’ve been learning, and you should be fine here.” With that, Pete waved his wing at me and exited the room. Not long after, I began to hear the thudding footsteps of approaching Littles, and just as Pete said, Emma was dropped off in her crib within the hour. Miss Dee-Dee then checked the rest of the Littles she had deposited into the cribs before and left the room. She was a new staff member, but one I had come to admire and respect for being the sole worker assigned to this room on a permanent basis. Due to the needs of the Littles here, she was completely dedicated to their care and took a lot of pride in what she did. There was even a rumor that her true name was Diana, but as no Little in here would be able to pronounce that by a long shot, she simply became known as Miss Dee-Dee. Seeing the coast was now clear though, I then crept silently over to Emma’s crib once again. I heard some brief shuffling inside, but then it was all just silence. I saw a few of the other Littles stirring a bit, but most in here were so regressed to the point of nearly sleeping all day or may have just simply lacked the coordination to move around much. So, with bated breath, I quickly climbed the crib and entered in to see my new Little. Unlike my attempts here before with Littles, I approached Emma differently. I knew I had to be more cautious since I couldn’t just simply fall back on my pulses to lull the Little into submission, and for all I knew, she could have screamed in terror of me when she first saw my deformed being now. When I got up near her head though, I knew that wasn’t going to be an issue today… As I peered up over the blanket around part of her body as sneakily as I could, I finally peered into her open big blue eyes. I was at first petrified that she was going to see me and freak out, but all at once, I could see no reaction in them, and I knew she wasn’t registering me at all on a conscious level at least. Now, as Pete and I had guessed, some of my skills when looking for valuable targets to regress translated well into my current life. After checking the rest of her out, from her look, I could see life behind her eyes still, but they appeared to be unmoving rather than just slow as one might find on a hypnotically blissed-out Little. Looking at her body, I saw no surgery lines either and gave thanks for that minor miracle. Even when I was regressing Littles myself, I always hated surgery. It led to too many future complications and permanently maimed or disfigured any Little. If a Big was trying to convince others of their love for their Little, it was by far the most sinister sign to show that they were in fact liars in my opinion. Curious as to the extent of what was happening with her, I moved in closer and decided to conduct a few tests to see what type of Little I was working with. First up, I shuffled the blanket and sheets around her, but still no response, and so getting a little bolder, I moved the sheet around to examine her further and found her to be physically intact and without red or purple marks blistered all over her rear. Padded yes, but not bruised or even slightly reddened. In all likelihood, she was probably a good girl that just fell down the wrong hole in this society. From my time at the daycare here so far, it was a sadly common story. Sighing, I went up to her face and poked it casually, first from behind and then right as I stood in front of her. It was a little inhumane and a risk to revealing my whole ‘being alive’ bit, but as the other tests had shown, she still had no movement or reaction to my gestures. So, I tried two final tests. I then sat, raised my two front paws up, and smacked them as loud as I could by her ear. A few other Littles squealed or cooed after, but to my dismay, Emma remained as silent and as still as ever. I then tried my final test. “Emma… Emma… Emma!” Each of my callouts to her were progressively louder, but she just remained still and fixed. I now felt like I knew what Pete was talking about when he said that she would present me with a challenge. How could I, a toy, comfort a Little who wouldn’t even react to the slightest stimuli. So, resigned to figuring out how to actually get through to her, I waited by the head of her bed until the first round of checking was performed by Miss Dee-Dee and Miss Tully, who helped out when needed in the room. The other Littles were each changed and then given a bottle, and most rarely said anything but a few coos, giggles, and maybe even some fit of brief laughter or crying. Then finally, it was Emma’s turn, but she remained as still and emotionless as I was right then. “Hello, Emmy!” Mis Dee-Dee greeted my new prospective Little. Her bright eyes and curly hair gave her a calming and matronly sort of look which I think went well with most of the Littles here, even the most regressed ones. For her part though, Emma just stared back… lifeless. Undeterred, Miss Dee-Dee picked up Emma, bounced her a bit up and down, and then took her over to the changing table under the glowing crystals on that side of the room. I eagerly, but covertly, looked and listened in to see if somehow Emma would respond to Miss Dee-Dee. “Oh Emmy! Someone made a messy-wessy, huh?” Miss Dee-Dee baby talked to the Little before her. Emma still made no motion, even as her onesie was pulled aside and the tapes of her rather large diaper were undone. Even the most heavily regressed Littles gave out some sign of distress when the warmed wipes were applied to their skin, but Emma wasn’t like them. She remained as still as ever. The next few minutes were then just filled with baby talk or Miss Dee-Dee even talking to herself occasionally. It was becoming very apparent, especially after she remained silent during the whole change, that something was very wrong with Emma. To be honest, it was hurting me just to see a Little so damaged in that way. Regrettably, I thought of my own desired actions with Charley once again. Miss Dee-Dee, ever the professional, soon finished Emma’s change though and brought her back over to the crib and I became lifeless once more to remain undetected. Settling her down with a fresh bottle, Emma finally moved, but it was just to accept the object and hold it like it was only an automatic response for her. Miss Dee-Dee sighed and stroked the Little’s chestnut hair out of her face. “Oh, Emmy… what are we going to do with you?” In response, Emmy just kept sucking. “I suppose we’ll have to figure out something for you… maybe more permanent, but for now, just enjoy your baba, honey. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while…” And with that, Miss Dee-Dee left the room once more. Silence quickly followed beyond the subtle sucking sounds now occurring all around me. From everything that I had witnessed, it was now clear to me that while Emma was regressed, she was far more likely in a distressed and catatonic state than strictly being the newborn that her abilities appeared to be. I doubt there was much discernable vocabulary or knowledge left in her head above a two- or three-year-old, but I wondered just how much of her was left locked away in her head. Distressingly, even the valiant and kindly Miss Dee-Dee seemed distressed by her condition though, and that was never a good sign. Seeing this place for long enough, Littles like Emma were often casualties of the very places their Bigs sent them to. Reform academies and special schools for Littles often achieved these types of results and the Littles afterward would either never recover and be shipped to a state-run facility to be better cared for, or they would languish and eventually just regress themselves under the strain of their locked-in state. If Miss Dee-Dee’s comments were any indication, she seemed to be headed for the latter of those two options. “Oh Emma…” I said quietly over the regressed girl, still suckling down her milk. “What can I do for you? I don’t know if I can help you in the way you need…” For a moment, she shifted and seemed to look right at me. I froze in panic that she was actually seeing me, but her face squinted a little, and after a tiny little grunting, I heard a series of small wet toots erupting from her backside. Seconds later, she was busily nursing back at her bottle… not a care in the world to what she had just done in her freshly changed diaper. “I’m sorry,” I said dejectedly to the poor Little in front of me. “I don’t think I can do this…” And with that, steeped in yet another failure and shame of not being able to help her, I climbed down off the crib and made my way over to the Canopy room. Pete’s normal Little just happened to be sick today, so when I managed to flag him down from underneath one of the low hanging chairs at the crafting table in there, where I could remain out of sight still, he came over. He quickly looked at me in confusion and maybe even a little worry. “Hey Dash… what’s up? Why are you over here? Did something go wrong with Emma?” I shook my head. “No, nothing like that, but Pete… I don’t think I can help her. She’s just… gone.” Pete sighed and shook his head almost seemingly out of disappointment. “I was hoping that you would have learned a little more by now than that regarding our Littles here. Giving up so soon too… Maybe I was wrong about the type of toy you wanted to be…” I felt his words like a knife to my soul. “What do you mean?” I asked with my pathetic and desperate tone once more. I didn’t care. “I tried everything you’ve told me to do. I tried to communicate with her… even get her to respond to outside stimuli. It’s all just… nothing. If we’re supposed to be helping them, how can I help if she doesn’t even know I’m there? I’m not a quitter but I just don’t know what to do!” Pete sighed again, but almost oddly smiled a little. “It’s hard when they’re regressed to almost nothing… isn’t it? Almost like they’ve been lost to all that… forward and justified progress, huh? Much different seeing the regression on this side, right?” Pete stared back at me, and I suddenly knew exactly what he was trying to imply. I didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure my face showed all I needed to anyways. “Exactly, Dash. This is what you wanted for all those other Littles. I think Emma will do you some good by seeing the consequences of your old ways. So, no, you can’t just quit her now. I want you to go back and help her out with the lessons and skills I’ve taught you. Is that something you can do that for me?” I looked at the ground in shame. “But Pete… I don’t know if I’m the right person for her… I tried to regress people after all. She’s everything my line was designed to do in theory, but I think I’m too messed up myself to be with her. I’m just going to be a failure to her too.” Pete frowned and gripped me tightly with both of my shoulders. “Now there’s none of that talk, Dash. You hear?” he belted as if it was more of an order than a question. I quickly snapped out of my funk and nodded. He then backed off. “Good. Now, as far as Emma goes, I think this will be a good thing for you to see up close and personal. In a way, you two can even grow and heal together if you do this right.” “I guess… I just…” I was finding it hard to say what I was feeling right now. “It’s just that Emma is the reality of my actions. It’s one thing to be programmed to do something being a toy, but it’s something else entirely witnessing the devastation of what I was trying to do. Charley and the others wouldn’t have been as bad, but still… that room… Anyone in there is suffering a worse fate than I ever could have imagined. They’re just… gone…” Pete nodded. “Now you’re getting it, Dash. I want you to go back in there and help her out. If you want, think of it as your penance for what you did to Charley and tried to do to the others. After all, just consider this. You were their toy and were supposed to protect them, but instead, you just hurt them. This time, find a way to do the opposite and help a Little heal from the exact same wounds you once tried to inflict yourself.” Pete’s words were harsh but true. I nodded and had nearly left from under the table, but I wanted to know one last thing while it was still on my mind. “Pete?” The old bird shifted back toward me. “You think I’ll ever be able to apologize to Hop or Charley for what I did?” Pete seemed perplexed, but ultimately shrugged. “I don’t know, Dash. You hurt them pretty bad but keep trying to change in the way that you have been, and you just never know.” And with that, I retreated covertly away from the room. Due to the business of the day, as shown by Pete earlier this week, I used the air vents to get around a little easier, and soon, I was face-to-face once more with Emma’s crib. It loomed ever larger as my personal struggle to mount but facing Emma once back on top of the soft crib bedding, I knew I had to succeed. Not even for just my sake, but hers as well. Still though, I felt I was out of options, so I tried a few of my old techniques that I had tried before. All that failing still, I tried a different approach and crouched down to meet her by her head and unfocused eyes contained within. “Emma,” I said quietly, almost in a whisper, “I want to talk to you… I want to help you.” I sighed as she still remained motionless. “I’m not sure if you can even see or hear me, but I want to be there for you.” It still wasn’t working, so I decided to go deeper within myself. “You know… there was actually a time where I would have been happy to see you this way… or at least a Little that is. I used to have a Little… Charley…” I was feeling so much guilt about what I had done to him lately that I had to continually check my emotions to keep from breaking down. “See, I hurt him… I hurt him bad. Others tried to stop me, but I was really powerful then and I stopped them instead, until one day where I became what you might be able to see before you.” Emma eyes seemed to shift slightly. I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was working, but it was something… something I could hold onto, so I quickly continued. “I went through a rough patch of my own making, but now I’m realizing now that I was all wrong before. Even if it was my programming or wanting to help Charley out in my own way, I see now that I pushed too much. Littles like you are so fragile… I used to think that made you all weak and helpless and this was a good life for you all, but now I realize that it just means you need to be helped and care for more now instead. So, that’s what I want to do with you, Emma.” Despite all that, there was still no response that I could see. “Emma… if you want me to help you… give me a sign. Anything… something… just show me that you’re in there. Please…” For a moment, Emma’s eyes fluttered. I felt a surge of happiness. ‘Was this it? The breakthrough I was hoping for?’ My heart pounded in anticipation… but Emma only shifted a bit and closed her eyes… quickly falling asleep. It was a blow to my ego for sure, but with Pete’s lessons and my own journey of self-discovery and penance, I knew I had to continue. I wasn’t sure about much with Emma, but I could see one thing; she needed me now more than ever. She needed that comforting presence in her life, even if she couldn’t directly show it. So, accepting the challenges that were seemingly coming with this task, I followed Emma’s lead. She had shifted slightly to where she was leaning over just a bit to her right side… the side I was on. So, seeing that, I then found a nice large spot right by her chest and curled up into her. I could feel her heart thud softly against my fur and her chest heaved in and out like the bellows of an organ. It wasn’t much, but in my heart, I knew my presence here was still something. And there I stayed for the rest of the day. I was content to just stay here the whole time, but I briefly had to slip away when Miss Dee-Dee and Miss Tully came in as they carried a struggling Little in with them. It was hard to see who it was at first, but after a moment, I recognized him as Tyler, the Little who had refused to share Sarge and then defied Miss Mindy. Clearly, his punishment hadn’t sunk in from back then. “How long are the meds supposed to take?” Miss Tully asked as she struggled to keep Tyler’s feet from whacking her in the face. “Oh, not very… long!” Miss Dee-Dee replied, finally sitting in the rocking chair in a particular dark spot in the room while still holding on to Tyler’s upper body. “The FOY just needs a sec to kick in. Interesting enough, his flailing should help it pass faster into his system.” Tyler’s eyes immediately bugged out and he stopped struggling. Both the workers smiled, but also knew that by now, his efforts were just in vain. Tyler was screwed right then if he struggled for another thirty seconds or just lay still for another minute. In all likelihood, Miss Dee-Dee had only really mentioned that to get him to calm down faster. She was thoughtful, but she was also clever like that with the Littles under her care as well. “There… that’s a good Little,” Miss Tully cooed down at the Little that Miss Dee-Dee was now cradling in her arms. “Are you going to feed him once the drug fully kicks in?” Miss Dee-Dee nodded. “That’s right… Little Ty-Ty here is going to get some yummy nummies today. Should help solidify the FOY a bit more.” “Perfect. Let me go get a burping cloth for you for after,” Miss Tully offered. Miss Dee-Dee just nodded back and then gazed into the slowly relaxed form of Tyler. The FOY was clearly taking hold of him, and I could only watch in morbid fascination as she smiled and then undid her top. ‘Oh… that type of feeding…’ The nursing wasn’t anything lewd or morbid here, and the atmosphere of the room only seemed to add to the nurturing moment between the two. The FOY was likely working overtime in Tyler, and I bet he didn’t even know or care what he was doing or where he was at. It was powerful stuff and by tonight, he probably wouldn’t even remember any of this when he came out of his near trance-like state. Miss Dee-Dee then sighed. “Oof… I can tell you still have your teeth mister. Try and ease up if you can. I know the FOY is working hard in your system, but I’ve got others to help as well, you know…” Tyler seemed to shift a little and Miss Dee-Dee smiled back. “There… that’s better. Good boy…” The nursing continued for a little bit when Miss Tully came back in. “No troubles I take it?” Miss Dee-Dee shook her head. “No… poor little dear likely barely knows what he’s doing now. It makes me wonder if his caregiver even knows what she agreed to when she okayed our nursing protocols here. If she’s not careful, he might just end up in this room with me permanently…” “Maybe that’s what she wanted?” Miss Tully countered. “Some do, you know? Otherwise, we probably wouldn’t even have this room in the first place.” “Eh…” Miss Dee-Dee shrugged. “Pretty rare nowadays that any caregiver with a heart at all would actually want to subject their Little to being suitable for a room like this… especially with all the reforms and whatnot going on. I mean, I’m happy to provide the service, but I wonder how much longer it will be offered. Seems kind of cruel with what it does to these portal Little types…” Miss Tully nodded, and after a few grunts from Tyler, both sensed he was done in more than one way. A burping and then a quick but badly needed diaper change later and he was placed into a nearby empty crib. No stuffy was with him, but Miss Dee-Dee just offered him a pacifier and the Little almost instantly drifted off to sleep after evidently gladly accepting it. It was a nearly horrifying scene to witness firsthand nowadays for me, but I just hoped that Tyler would learn his lesson before it was too late. As they said, he was just visiting today, but I knew it didn’t take much for a Little to make this room their stay in this room a permanent one while here at the daycare. By the time the two left, it was already late into the day, but another feeding and one diaper change a little while later for Emma, and the day was already over. Not wanting to scare anyone away at this point, I climbed back down off the crib and saw Emma and most of the others being taken away once more. It was tough to see her go, but as usual, I walked off to go see Pete for my daily debriefing and focused on what I was even going to tell him. There honestly wasn’t much to debrief today, but I noticed Pete’s oddly persistent smile once I had mentioned that I had just laid down by her chest for most of the rest of my day. “What’s with the grin, Pete? I didn’t do anything with her… She’s the exact same as when I first met her.” Pete nodded and sighed. “That’s right and I won’t deny it, but I’m smiling because you did exactly what you needed to today. You were just with her. As I told you the other day, sometimes, that’s the most important thing you can do with your Little. Even Emma, if she is still in there, likely welcomed your comfort.” Of course, I knew he was right. If there was even just a slim bit of Emma left in her own mind, I had given her the comfort and care she likely wanted. “I hope so, Pete. It’s really hard to be lying next to a Little who practically embodies all the mistakes I used to make around here. I’m changing, but there will always be reminders of my past…” Pete nodded. “That’s right, but with any luck, you two will grow together. Change is hard, but I think both of you need each other more than ever now.” Pete then paused and seemed to think for a long time and I almost left, but I also stayed because his contemplation looked to be important. Finally, though, he straightened himself out and looked at me directly in my eyes. There was a sense of pride in them that I almost didn’t recognize in a fellow toy. “Yes… Dash, you know what? I think I’m going to call it officially after what I’ve just heard…” He then took a gigantic breath. “Congratulations, Dash. You’ve got yourself a Little, here at last.” It was such a sudden announcement, but before I knew it, a hoard of stuffy’s and toys soon descended upon me and cheered. I wasn’t expecting it to be announced so soon, but now that I was actually thinking about it directly, I had neither been rejected nor had used any tricks on my Little today. She didn’t have much in the way of a personality for now, but that only seemed to make everyone else cheer more for me and my success by just being with her today. Vigilance in caring seemed to be the key around here, and now that I thought about it, from what I had seen today, Emma needed just that. After, I could even see Carmen, Tops, and Poodee smile and wave at me as I was paraded through the Meadows room right then, and it all felt so satisfying. I still wondered if the council would approve of Emma being my Little, but even alone, I had achieved some personal success today in staying with her and treating her with how I thought she should have been treated in the first place. My mistakes in the past were so obvious now, and it made them hurt even more, but with Emma, I felt just a tiny ray of hope that I could find the penance that Pete had mentioned earlier today. With any luck, Emma and I would both heal each other, but even though today had been a victory for me, I knew it was still going to be a tough road ahead for her. Still, this morning she had woken up alone and damaged, but now, she had me to help her in any way that I could. It admittedly wasn’t much, but it was still forward progress, and therefore, maybe one day of continuing that trend, she would find the same happiness I was experiencing now.

Another update: I checked with Dr. Ivan and let him know my blockages are gone but that I'm not incontinent. I said I think I will need the follow-up procedure. He said yes I will. Just that it needs to wait 3 months. So as discussed I reached out to Paris and asked her for the scheduling availability for my follow up surgery. It looks like I may have another countdown on my hands soon 😄✈️

Long story short, I'm writing a kinky serial novel called "What to Get the Girl Who Has Everything". Each chapter of the story is supposed to be its own, stand-alone vignette. This is the first part that has diapers and ageplay as a core component of the scene, which is why I'm sharing it here. If you're generally kinky and want to know more about these characters and the broader narrative, I'm currently five chapters in, on LegitFic. The Bad Dolly [Scene], [Ageplay], [Diapers], [Bratting], [Living Doll], [Woody] I’m British, and generally I stick to Britishisms in my speech and writing. But like most people who are savvy to ageplay and all its trappings, I first learned about that type of play online. So in the context of kink, an absorbent undergarment is called a “diaper” in my mind. Not a nappy, never a nappy, because those are what babies wear. Eleanor is wearing a diaper. A big, pink diaper, with four tapes and a cute illustration of a bunny on the front. I can’t see her diaper, because she’s also wearing the most adorable party dress. A frothy garment of lavender silk, with an embroidered brocade bodice, and a Queen Anne neckline. All my partners are at least comfortable with this aesthetic. In those early days of unpacking ABDL for myself, I first only thought of it as something humiliating. It wasn’t until I started experimenting with it in the real world that I learned how much more it could be. Eleanor really goes in for cute things. Stuffed animals. Kid’s TV shows. A touch of the soft, gamer-girl aesthetic. I expect that it can be hard to be taken seriously if you’re a girly-girl who works with computers. At work she allows herself one concession to this part of her nature; her keyboard keys are cream and mocha, with matcha-green backlighting. You might guess which of my lovers gifted me my nice keyboard for Christmas. I like to drag the littlest part of Eleanor out to play. Usually on weekends where neither of us have any other plans, so I can dote on her, spoil her, give her lots of attention. Pick out all her clothes, and make all of her favourite foods. Supervise bath time, and tuck her into her crib for an early bedtime. When I helped her get dressed today I completed her outfit with sheer, gold tights to match the embroidery on her dress. And purple Mary Janes from Hot Chocolate Designs. Of course she’s wearing a fluffy petticoat too, since in my mind they’re high fashion. Eleanor is on the rug in the sitting room, on her tummy, using brush-tipped markers to carefully colour a detailed illustration of Princess Tiana. There’s a small pile of wooden blocks, depicting a rough impression of the Sleeping Beauty Castle on her left. That’s the one in Paris, if you’re wondering. She visits at least once a year. On her right, her dolly is lying discarded. He’s doing a very good job being patient. His eyes are closed, since he’s laying down. His breathing is shallow. I did see him tense his arms and legs a few moments ago, necessary to avoid cramping. But I can’t fault him, he’s playing his part perfectly and if Eleanor has noticed his occasional movement then she hasn’t said anything. When we started playing this game, she was carefully directing his movements with her hands. She drank a cup of sweet iced-tea, poured from a pink plastic tea pot. And then guided his hand, his cup, to his lips and had him sip. Her dolly hates iced tea, especially with copious amounts of peach flavoured syrup stirred in. His tea usually comes hot, with milk and white sugar. She was careless with directing his jaw and he dribbled most of it down himself. One little sharp exhale was his only reaction to the chilled beverage splashing over his chest and down between his legs. He really is a very good dolly. At least when Mama’s watching. “Hey Princess, Mama’s going to get herself a cup of coffee. Do you want something else to drink?” “No Mama, I’m not thirsty.” “Are you sure? You’ve hardly had anything to drink,” I tell her. To emphasise why I’m asking, I kneel behind her and slide my hand up the back of her skirt. She goes very still as I crinkle her diaper, squeezing the front, “Still dry. I’ll fill up your sippy cup.” I don’t see her rolling her eyes, but here, “Okay Mama,” is delivered with the long-suffering sigh of a preschooler who just wants to be left alone to play. So that’s what I do. When I come back into the room, with my hands full, my little princess Eleanor is lying on her back. Her cheeks are flushed and her arms are wrapped around herself. When she sees me she squeaks with indignation, “Mama, my dolly was bad.” “Princess, don’t be silly. Dollies can’t be good or bad. They’re just dollies.” “No he is. He is bad. Really, really naughty. He tickled me!” I laugh. I have to laugh. What kind of grownup would believe such a story? But it’s good to encourage imagination, and it’s fun to play pretend with little ones, “Ah… I see. Did your dolly really tickle you, baby girl? Is that what made you go tinkle?” “Mama, no, please… it wasn’t an accident. The dolly made me do it.” “Princess, I don’t mind playing along with you and making up stories. You have a wonderful imagination but it isn’t nice to fib.” “I’m not, I’m not!” “That’s enough. Here, I got you more of your favourite peachy-drink. Take a big sip for me, okay?” Eleanor takes the sippy-cup from my hand, no snatching, and brings it up to her lips to hide her pout. She stays flat on her back and drinks deeply. Her feet are pulled up so they’re almost touching her bottom, though her layers of skirts are still covering up her diaper. I like knowing that she wet herself while I was gone, that she has openly admitted it. And that there’s no hint of the humiliation I had once assumed must come with such an infantile act. I think she might be squeezing her thighs together as she works on the drink I gave her, making the wet diaper press against her vulva. On other days like this one, I’ve rested the sole of my foot against the front of her padding and had her grind against it. I’ve told her she’s a dirty little girl as she humped Mama’s foot, and had her echo it back to me. Saying “Yes, Mama. I am. I’m a dirty little girl, I’m all soggy. I just couldn’t hold it,” without a hint of embarrassment. If I had her do the same thing naked, rubbing her clitoris with my toes, she wouldn’t be able to look at me for a month. The dolly is essentially in the exact position he was lying in when I went to the kitchen. I’m a detail oriented person. If you spend every hour of every working week watching monitors, looking for things out of place, then you have to be. You wouldn’t have caught Danaerys Targaryan with a takeaway coffee cup on my watch. He’s lying on his right side, but his left hand is down by his waist now. It was under his chin, but I doubt Eleanor noticed the difference. He must like this new game an awful lot, to be putting in so much effort. I sit back on the sofa and go back to flipping through a novel. Eleanor rolls over and goes back to her colouring book. She’s putting a lot of effort into getting the highlights in the Tiana’s hair just right, trying to make it look more like her own. Even Tiana’s usual light green dress has been shaded gold and lavender to match the one my own princess is wearing. When its finished, this one is probably going on the refrigerator. I know what I have to do now. It’s essential that the grownup leave the room, and it’s fun to not know exactly what to expect when I return. The whole scenario was Elle’s idea and when they explained it to me together they could barely suppress their giggling to get the words out. This is a pretty common way for us all to play together. We’re well past negotiating scripted scenes like we did in the early days. We can assume roles we’ve played before and improvise, like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. My life is pretty, pretty, pretty… good. So I think of an excuse to leave the room again, “Say babygirl… I think I’d like a cookie. Do you want one too, as a treat?” “Ooh… are they double-chocolate, or triple-chocolate?” “They’re chocolate, for sure.” “Hmmm… nah. I mean, no thank you. Maybe after dinner.” “That’s a good choice princess. I’ll be right back.” took a moment to check my messages in the kitchen. When I finally return, disaster has befallen the sitting room. The markers are strewn all over the floor, some rolling away under the furniture. Sleeping Beauty’s Castle is once again a pile of wooden blocks. Princess Eleanor is sitting up, holding the tattered remains of her colouring page, sobbing with real tears. The dolly is face down on the armchair with his bottom in the air. There's a scarlet handprint on his naked bottom and I have a pretty good idea what happened while I was gone. “Ellie-Bean! Why did you tear up your picture? You worked so hard on it!” “I di-i-dn't…” the wailing cry is punctuated by deep, gasping breaths, “it was that mean, mean do-olly, Ma-mama. He tore up it, and he broke my caaa-stle!” This is all within the proper rules of the game, of course. I do wonder which of them decided the picture would get ruined. Dolly isn't the vindictive sort, but he does like to show off for me. “Little one, this lying really doesn't suit you. It looks like you hit your dolly, and then threw him over on the chair. And your pens, and your blocks, and everything else.” “It wasn't! I didn't! It was the… it was him!” “Eleanor Emani Green, are you really answering back with more lying? What has gotten into you today?” “Mama I'm not. I'm not lying, he ripped it up and he…” “That is enough,” I interrupt, finally raising my voice a touch. She falls silent as I cut her off but shows her frustration by balling up the shreds of paper she’s holding. “I think you’ve punished yourself enough by ruining your drawing, but if I catch you lying to me again you are going over my knee. Do you understand?” “Yeah.” “Is that how a Princess speaks? Where are your manners?” “Yes. Mama. I understand,” she spits out acidically. I had been fighting an overwhelming urge to cuddle her up, kiss, and console her, all fueled by her tear-stained cheeks. But that dissipates in an instant. The dolly is shaking with suppressed laughter behind her. We all know where this game is going, and I can’t wait to let it happen. But I’ll correct him for this weakness eventually. I know the cane is effective, though dressing him as Eleanor’s baby doll and having him practise the part for the rest of the weekend would also help him develop this new talent. The crib is absolutely big enough for the both of them. “I’m going to get a few things so we can clean up. You’re going to help, do you understand?” “Yes Mama,” is delivered with the same venom as before. When she does get her spanking I’ll pull out all the stops. It actually takes me a moment to find the dustpan and brush. Shaun has apparently installed a few hooks on the back of the utility room door and a number of useful household tools and cleaning supplies are hanging there, hidden away. I take the time to wonder how long it has been since I did any real cleaning, that I didn’t notice this. Is that where the bottle of laundry detergent always sat? Did I always buy these biodegradable cleaning sponges? Between the three of them, my pets cover about half of the mortgage. We rotate paying for groceries each week. Eleanor shells out for the fastest internet connection that’s available in our location. They do the chores that need to be done, and Shaun gets off on doing the lion’s share. I make sure that I make some noise on my way back to the sitting room, so they know I’m coming. I clatter the dustpan and brush together, and call out to ask my little princess if she’s ready to help me pick up her toys. When I come back into the room the Dolly is the one lying down, probably exhausted. This time his breathing is deep, as if he’s recovering from some strenuous activity. The accessory between his legs, the one Ken doesn’t have, is flying at half-mast. Eleanor has a sticky white glaze all over her lips and chin. She doesn’t miss a beat with her accusations. “Mama, mama… that’s awful, mean Dolly… he did the worst thing, when you were gone. The worst.” “Baby girl… think very carefully about what you say next.” “No Mama, Mama… please listen? He put his thing in my mouth. His boy-thing.” “Eleanor, please don’t do this. Dollies don’t have boy-things and girl-things. They’re smooth all over.” “Mama, stop it. Stop being a stupid, stupid grownup and listen for one second.” Now it’s my turn to deploy the same venom that she used with me, before I left the room. I bellow out my one-word command to “Stop,” and let it hang in the air. I enjoy her performative look of shock, the way she instantly falls silent. “Stop it. Right this instant, and give me your hand,” I tell her. She puts both wrists behind her back and starts protesting loudly. “No, no Mama. I swear I’ll be good!” “It’s far too late for that. You’ve been lying to me all day.” I grab a hold of one of her wrists and twist her arm. I’m careful to not use it to lever her up onto her feet, but firm enough that she really has no choice but to move. “I don’t think you’re a princess at all. I think you’re just a naughty little girl who doesn’t know how to be polite.” “Mama, please… can’t we just put the dolly back in his box? Can’t we take him back to the shop and get another one?” “Do you really think you deserve new toys after today?” I let myself fall back onto the sofa and bring Elle with me. I start arranging her petticoat and skirt so I have access to her thighs. The copious frills are all bunched up at the small of her back, where I’m still holding her hand in a hammer lock. “No Mama. No, I don’t want new toys… I don’t want a spanking… I just want that stupid, mean dolly to go away. Put him on the garden wall so someone else will take him home. Please Mama, anything, just please listen?” I love it. I love all of it. There’s so much, all this pleading desperation, this wretched litany. I know I’m not to believe a word of it, even though the dolly’s spent cock is right there in front of me. Even though his cum is smeared all over my little one’s face. The thing I’m looking forward to most is when she stops complaining, and starts crying real tears.

When I was a little kid, my Mom used to sing this song while bouncing me on her knee. The title of the song is MY PONY BOY (see lyrics below:) Pony boy, pony boy, won’t you be my pony boy? Don’t say no, here we go, ride across the plain. Marry me, carry me, ride away with you. Giddy up giddy up giddy up, Whoa! My pony boy. So I changed a few of the lyrics in honor of Diaper Lovers everywhere. What do you think? Diaper Boy, Diaper Boy, won’t you be my Stinky Boy? Don’t say no, here we go, ride across the plain. Marry me, carry me, ride away with you. Giddy up giddy up giddy up, PEW! My Diaper Boy Now you see how that works? When the giddy ups come at the end, you bounce the diaper boy really hard. If he has a full diaper, well, that's where the PEW comes from!! (Assuming he has a full, messy diaper!) HA HA!! You can hear the song here:

Ad me to the diaper porn, poop and sexual anatomy Also pampers, half naked and panties showing under skirts, public, exposure/exhibitionism, Diapers without rubber panties In the 'personality". Things that I know cannot be IRL like a 2 year old who knows she is a girl a 5 year old "baby". Persons who claim to be "adult baby" fbecause jit maes them feel "loved" and "secure" when I know that babies are not capable of thise feelings, in shor, things that are obfiously PHONY and just adult feelings superimposed on the "baby" role. I know the adult is imposing itself on the "baby" and that is readable form 25 parsecs out. That is why I am NOT an "adult baby" but rather, an AK/Very Little Girl

Have to agree with you on Diaper Porn. I also have a special hatred reserved for videos that involve vibrator wands in diapers, they’re the most cliché, boring, lazy and unoriginal video someone can make in my opinion. Diaper crotch shots are another thing I can’t stand. To be honest I think profile photos of diaper crotches are a bit uncouth and people who start Patreons or go on Twitter ETC and only ever post endless diaper crotch photos are lazy and unimaginative content creators in my opinion. Also this is a bit ageist but to be honest I'm not into middle-aged hairy old men modelling diapers: that's a turn off, not against them being part of the ABDL community as much as anyone else and all that, but if I wanna see cute photos or videos I'd rather see young attractive adults personally.

For now, sadly it's the storyless story.

Thanks! And good point. Unfortunatly due to trying to keep the free versions of this "cleaner", I can't specify.

Hi, Just wanted to know how many other real bedwetters are out there. I never really stopped wetting the bed. Tried to stop using meds once and hated it. Would much rather wear a nice thick nappy to bed than take the meds. Who else out there is a real bedwetter?

I don't have younger siblings so I don't have the same cause, but I do remember having an accident at preschool and getting changed in a back room where it turned out they had diapers for the kids who weren't pottybtrain yet. That was mind blowing, I guess my mom told me I had to be out of diapers if I wanted to go to preschool. Being a naive 3/4 year old I believed her.

It depended on my output (which will continue to be the question) as I got to a busier time in real life. I'm in one of those weeks right now; I doubt I'll write much, if anything, this week at this rate, unfortunately! (Fortunately, most of the next couple months are not as crazy) My poor characters are always being plotted against! 🤣

Predicting it now, she is not getting pullups. Her parents being bedwetter's themselves probably believe pullups/diapers are traumatizing. The only way she will be able to get pullups then will be to have daytime "accidents" when her summer break starts.

Oh it's ENTIRELY intentional. I didn't know when I'd get a chance to do another collab/fanfic like this so I decided to knock out 2 birds with 1 stone.

That's why we change diapers before they leak. I prefer medium capacity diapers even though I have to change them more often than high capacity diapers. These become too thick, less discreet and more uncomfortable when they become saturated. But that is of course a personal choice.

"Let us never speak of that particualr diaper change again," he said. "The colors. I've never seen colors like that in a diaper, and I never want to again," she replied, and shuddered. Her and Jerry was standing outside the bathroom, he still in a t shirt and his now fresh diaper, and her holding her bags. "Oh right!" he said, suddenly remembering that he was suppsoed to be bratting. He sat flat down heavily on the floor. "Babykins, we need to go." He reached his arms up toward her, making grabbing motions. "I can't Mommy! I'm too much of a baby! You have to carry me!" "What!? No, crawl if you want." He made a show of trying to get to all fours, the collapsing on the ground. "I can't Mommy! it's too hard for a bratty little baby who needs to be put in mean daycares like me!" She roled her eyes. "Ohhh you are such a brat!" "I know Mommy! That's why I'm going to the Deliquent Daycare!" He remained lying on the ground with his hands in the air toward her. Mommy dropped her bags, then reached down and grabbed his wrist, then began to drag him accross the floor toward the door. He slumped down as much as he could, turning himself into complete dead weight to her efforts. "You... spoiled... pampered... brat," she strained. "Look mommy! It's like I'm dead! BLLAARRR!" he tilted his head back and stuck his toungue out. "Alright, here," she panted. "Mhmm. Say where are our bags?" "FUCK!" she said, and headed back to get them. "I don't think you are supposed to swear in front of babies! I'm impressionable, what if I say it now and its your fault!" "Then I'll rinse your mouth out with soap!" "That's not fair! It be your fault!" "Life isn't fair! And neither is soap!" As she walked to get the bags, Jerry slowly got back up on all fours. He began to crawl into the next room as quietly as he could. "WHAT?! You can move now! Come back here!" she shouted. "EEEP!" Jerry shouted, and got up and ran back into the kitchen. "NO! HEY! COME BACK!" Mommy shouted as she blocked him off around the table. He tried to dart to the right around it, then switched to the left. "Gotcha!" She shouted as she finally grabbed him by the wrist, and he stopped. "BLARG dead again!" he said, and slumped back down with his toung out. "Oh you. You are going to that daycare whether you like it or not," She began to drag him. "I think technically you are supposed to CARRY babies, not drag them. This feels wrong somehow." "Technically I'm also not supposed to change babies back into their old diapers, but you're verging on that too." "Eeep," he said, and went back to playing dead. They arrived back at the door, and she sat him down, then put his pants and shoes in front of him. She looked at him expetently. "Well?" "Well what?" "We are going out. You need your clothes." He shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Oh no Mommy! I'm such a dumb, bratty little adult baby I totally forgot how to get dressed! I think someone needs to do it FOR me!" She looked at him with her hands akimbo. "Alright, I can do that for my baby." She bent over down to his legs. "Huh." He said. That argument was far too easy to win, and he sensed she had something else planned. "First foot!" She said, and he lifted one. She put a sock on it. "Second foot!" She said again, and repeated the processed. "First foot again!" She said. He lifted it, and she attatched a shoe to it. "What?" He said, suprised. "And final foot," She picked up his last foot. "What about pants?" he asked. She tied his shoe laces. "And done!" "OH MY GOD WHAT ABOUT PANTS!?!" he shouted. "What about them? Babies don't need pants, they are fine in just their shirts, shoes, and diapers."

I started to like this on your first chapter. Now I am enjoying it. Your writing is very good. "The Baby Bet" on audiobook that will be interesting to read. Think I will check it out. 🙂

General update: The blockages have been really annoying. I never really had a honeymoon period of being incontinent and then having it ruined by a stricture. From day 2 after my catheter came out, I've been dealing with blockages on and off. It's not painful blockages, the way I hear strictures are, it's just distressing and eventually very uncomfortable and scary when you can't pee. I don't like having to insert a catheter just to urinate as a way of life. The good news is, I am on day four of not needing to use any catheter in order to pee. It feels like a record. I think it is a record since the surgery. Since blockage is what I had my recent appointment for and has been my main concern lately, this is great. However, I don't feel incontinent. It's Sunday evening, and I haven't worn a diaper since I was at work on Friday. I haven't needed to. When I feel I need to pee, I eventually get up and go to the bathroom, wait for my bladder to cooperate, and eventually I get a stream. If I want to stop peeing I just clench a little bit. Then I can resume. I haven't had any close calls, haven't been dripping, and have just used the toilet as normal a few times a day. I feel like I healed from a surgery that didn't make me incontinent. An ideal scenario would be for swelling to continue to go down, and for this to result in more free flowing urine that I'm not able to control. It just doesn't feel anything like that at the moment. I feel just about normal. I might switch to pull ups at work, so as to still be protected but to be able to try to use the bathroom to pee as needed. Eventually if my continence stays at this level I will probably just stop wearing diapers. But then I will want to go back to Mexico again as soon as possible for another surgery.

This stent is made from 2cm:1cm pipes and 2:2 pipes. The left side is the head and the right side is the part that is inserted. By making the head longer, it is less likely to damage the urethra when it moves. It feels less uncomfortable than before and I hardly notice any pain anymore. However, I think it needs some further improvements. Just now my diaper so wet hehe x3

Periodic reminder that you can find more of this story, and many (many!) more stories you can't read anywhere else on my Ream Stories account. Seventy-Four “I’m sorry,” Mommy said, catching her breath and swiping some hair out of her face. “What were you saying before we got…distracted?” My moist face emerged from between her legs, and I ran a hand through my mussy hair. Any conversation that took place in her bed usually ended up being split into two parts–the part before I started pleasing her with my mouth, and the part after. This had been a particularly long intermission, leaving my tongue feeling so tired that I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to keep talking. Too, I was blanking on what it was that we were talking about in the first place. “Uh…” “You wanted to ask me something,” she reminded me. “I would say that you looked nervous about it…but you always seem nervous when asking me anything.” “Oh, right. So…” My heart was still racing, and I needed to catch my own breath yet. Having my mouth affixed to Mommy’s pussy always presented some challenging hurdles when it came to breathing. “Take your time,” she said, her voice soft and smooth. “Come up here. Cuddle with me. And when you’re ready, you can tell me all about it.” I was quick to take her up on this offer, snuggling beside her nude body under a thin bedsheet. I was the only one wearing any article of clothing–if one considered a diaper ‘clothing.’ Her arm wrapped around me, pulling me even closer to her before she gave my padded butt a firm pat. “It feels dry,” she said. “It is.” “A shame.” “I know. But…I tried.” One of Mommy’s most favorite things in the entire world was when I used my diaper while pleasuring her with my mouth. Mommy could get quite wet normally, but it was like sticking my face in a tsunami when she could catch a whiff of a dirty diaper while my tongue played with her clit. “I heard you pushing,” she said, smiling. “It was very cute.” I offered only a bashful mumble, burying my face in her side. I remembered what I wanted to talk about, but it feels even sillier now–given our current status–than it did when I first entered her bedroom. “So…I wanted to go…out.” She giggled. “Out?” “R-right. I’ve been talking to this, uhm, friend of mine…” “This friend-who-is-a-girl, yes?” “Uh, yeah. That’s the one. Paige.” It still felt strange to call her Paige, especially out loud. She had lived in my head–my imagination–as ‘Pizza Girl’ for so long. “A date?” “I mean, we were just going to, like, hang out.” “That sounds like a date to me,” she cooed, again patting my bottom so that a loud FWOMP FWOMP FWOMP sound filled the room. “I suppose.” “My little boy is growing up. Sort of.” “Sort of,” I repeated. “Does your friend know you aren’t potty trained yet?” “Well…” I chuckled a little. That was one of the strangest parts of this whole thing. “Yes, she knows.” “And she’s okay with that? I’m not judging, of course. I just want to be sure.” “Uh huh. I’d say she’s okay with that.” I wasn’t quite ready to tell Mommy that Paige also had an interest in diapers. At least, per her note, I thought that was the case. I’d have told Mommy if she asked, of course. I just wasn’t ready to offer that one for free yet. “And what about your chastity, Baby? Think she’ll mind that?” I’d like to say that I hadn’t yet thought about that, but the truth was that I had been thinking about that a lot. I couldn’t imagine needing access to my cock on our first hangout. But, sooner or later, it might be nice to have access to it. Was I supposed to ask Mommy for the key? Or did I just beat around the bush until she decided to give it to me on her volition? “It probably doesn’t matter. Uhm…yet.” Mommy giggled again. “Yet? But eventually?” “I mean, who knows?” Did I expect her to just hand over my key at that moment? Or did I just hope that she would? “Talk to me again when you think you need your little boy-toy back,” she cooed into my ear. It wasn’t a promise, it was an invitation to another awkward conversation in the future. “Y-yes, Mommy.” Things seemed to be going well with Mommy as of late. Things had always been good there–but I was starting to wonder if some of my recent decisions would wear away at our relationship. I still hadn’t completely processed the overheard conversation between her and Ms. Beaufort on the phone–the one where she confessed her fear about what she was to do with herself after I was gone. And so I wondered if my sudden desires to work and be social were exasperating those fears. I didn’t bring it up. For one, I didn’t want Mommy to know that I had overheard her conversation. But also: what was I supposed to do about it? There was a part of me that considered just staying with her forever, but I already knew that wasn’t the answer. At some point, whether it was now or later, I’d have to move on. And, sooner or later, Mommy would have to figure out what came after that for herself. Months ago–eons ago, maybe–I had told myself that I was going to help find her a partner. Someone who could make her happy without having to wear diapers. Obviously, I had gotten a little distracted since I made that declaration. Maybe I needed to get that little project off the ground again. Or…not? The thing was, I wasn’t entirely sure if I even knew what Mommy wanted next. It seemed best, then, to just concentrate on myself. If there was anyone in the entire world who I trusted to tell me how they felt, it was Mommy. And so far she hadn’t pushed back at any of my attempts to spread my wings and fly from the comfy nest she had created for us. I had compartmentalized my guilt well enough so that by the time I was actually stepping off the train in town–I refused to let Mommy drive me to my meetup–it didn’t feel like it’d be interfering. I had Mommy’s blessing to be here, and for the night, that’s all I needed. “Is it strange that I’m not used to seeing you with pants on?” Paige asked, meeting me outside the bar she had recommended. “Well…you had only seen me without pants twice.” “Oh,” her cheeks turned pink and she looked away for a moment. “Maybe that’s just how I picture you in my head.” “Fair enough. If I had seen you in a…” I decided I didn’t want to say the d-word out loud. Not yet. “If I had seen you in a similar state, maybe that’s how I’d think of you too.” “That can always be arranged,” she said, opening the door and stepping inside. She beckoned for me to follow. Soon, we’re sitting at the bar next to each other, and we each have a pint glass in front of us. The bar is only moderately busy, though I still feel like I’m on display. If I had picked, we’d be in a corner booth–as far away from everyone else as possible. “Clark?” she asked–not like she was calling for me, but questioning what my name was. “Yep.” She sighed out of her nose. “I still think you look like a Paul.” “I mean, if you really want to call me that…” “You know what it is? You kind of remind me of this guy named Paul I used to hang out with.” “Was he cool?” It probably would’ve been devastating if she had been unconsciously comparing me to a complete dud. “Well, he was cute. Like you,” she shrugged. “He used to bring me donuts from this little bakery near his house, and that was pretty cute. But…I think he also got arrested for threatening his dad or something.” Cute but dangerous. That was kind of like breaking even. “Paige,” I said to her. “See, I think that’s a pretty name.” “Yeah, maybe if I was a homesteader making my own kombucha.” “That’s very specific.” Paige laughed, mostly to herself, before playfully slapping my arm. “Okay. So? Uhm…diaper?” My head automatically swiveled back and forth on my neck, surveying the area around us for open and available ears who could’ve potentially heard her say that word. It wasn’t even something I thought about while in public, it was just my body’s natural defenses at work. The report came back that it was safe enough. I nodded. Of course, she didn’t know that I was always wearing diapers. Not yet. “And you?” She also nodded, her cheeks getting a little rosier. “Uh huh.” “Keeping dry?” She grimaced and shook her head. “Like, I want to use them out in public. But it’s hard! Do you use them when you’re out of the house?” Hoo boy, where do I start? “Y-yeah. Sometimes.” That’d suffice for now. Her eyes grow large and voice drops a little. “You think you could do it tonight? Here?” “Are you asking me to?” She considered that for a moment. “No. Not necessarily. Just, could you? If you wanted to.” I nod. “Probably.” Inevitably. I decided to try and redirect the conversation a little bit. As tempting as it was to just talk about diapers, I was hoping that we’d have a bit more in common than that. I started small: “So, pizza delivery, huh? Do you like that?” “Eh,” she shrugged. “It’s an easy job. I like the restaurant and I like the neighborhood. The tips are nice…but it’s not enough to live off of, for sure.” “Oh, so do you live with…” “I live with my cousin. Well, I live at my cousin’s. She’s a musician, so she tours a lot, which means I get the place to myself most of the year. Rent free.” “Wow.” “The gravy train isn’t going to last forever, but I’m enjoying it while I can.” She takes a swig of her amber lager before continuing. “What about you? What do you do for a living?” “Actually, I just recently started a new job with my Mo…” I trail off and I feel my cheeks warm. How do I explain ‘Mommy’ to her? “I just recently started a new job. It’s a group of business consultants. Honestly, most of what they do is over my head, but I’ll be helping out with some day-to-day stuff around the office.” “Ah,” she said. “A corporate worker bee.” “Something like that.” “Do you like that?” Did I? Come to think of it, I hadn’t asked myself what I wanted to do with my career in a very long time. I like the company. I like the people I work with. Beyond that? I guess I’m trying to figure myself out.” “Here here,” she said, clinking her glass into mine. While I’m pretty sure there’s a minimum amount of small talk we’re supposed to get through before we can get into the juicier topics, I realized that I just couldn’t help myself–I needed to know the answer to at least one of my burning questions. “So, uhm, have you always worn, uh…” She laughed, swiping some hair from her face. “No, not always. It’s kind of a recent fascination, actually.” Damn, had Lyndie been right? Had I actually been the inspiration for her newfound fetish? Of course, Lyndie had said something else too that she might have been right about: That I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. That I had to crawl before I could walk. She probably wasn’t wrong about that. “R-really? And…what brought that on?” “Oh, I’m sure you can guess,” she smiled. Was she batting her eyelashes at me? Everything about her felt flirtatious–her tone, her body language, the way that she took these little sips of her beer. And it was all working on me. “Me?” “I’d say you certainly started me down that rabbit hole. Though…I’ve got to ask. Was that, like, a dare or something? To stand at the door in a diaper when I delivered food?” “Oh, uh, yeah.” “But you do actually have a diaper kink?” “Uhm…yes.” Kink wasn’t the word I’d use at this point. It was a lifestyle. It was, perhaps, my whole life. “So your friends, they all know you wear them?” We were treading deeper and deeper into more complicated territory. Would there be a point where I’d have to reveal too much about myself? That I had been, effectively, living as an infant for the last few months? That I was now wearing diapers to the office, and was expected to use them while there? “They know.” “Wow. They must be some pretty good friends if you trust them with that. If I told my friends I liked diapers, they’d probably laugh at me so hard that I’d need to move out of town.” Oh, they’re all in on it. Some of them have even worn diapers themselves. “Yeah…I guess we’re all pretty close.” “That must be pretty awesome,” she said. “I’m kind of jealous.” Would she feel the same way if her friends were patting her diapered bottom? Changing her diapers? Teasing her for being a baby? I didn’t hate the dynamic I had with my friends, but there was something to be said for having some secrets that were just mine, too. Also, I had no doubt that Paige would fit right in with the likes of Lyndie and Ava. “So, wait,” I said, circling back a little. “You saw me standing there in a diaper–making an absolute fool of myself–and you were…inspired to put on a diaper yourself?” “Yeah, something like that, actually,” she said, taking a bigger swig of her beer–as if to help fuel the rest of her story. “The idea was just stuck in my head and I had to try it, you know?” That made sense to me. I’ve certainly been there before. “Lo and behold, I ended up liking them,” she shrugged. “A lot, actually. And there was something kind of fun about the idea of running into you again, both of us in a diaper.” “Oh wait…” I started, remembering a moment from a few months ago. I had been coming out of the elevator in my old apartment building when she was entering it. Our bodies had brushed against each other, and I was almost certain that something seemed weird about that moment. “The elevator? You were, uh, wearing one then?” She laughed. “Wow. I almost forgot about that myself. I saw the order come in for your apartment, and I kept a diaper in my backpack for such an occasion. So I quickly put it on in the bathroom…” Likely the same bathroom where I had recently changed my own sopping wet diaper, I thought. “...before going to your place, hoping I’d see you. I didn’t, of course–your roommate received the pizza. I was kind of bummed about it, honestly. But then I ran into you in the elevator, except I think we caught each other by surprise and neither of us really knew what to say to each other.” “Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “So, if I had opened the door instead of my roommate…what would you have said to me? Would you have been, like, ‘Hey, here’s your pizza–also, I’m wearing a diaper’?” Her cheeks got a bit more pink and she swallowed another gulp from her glass. “I have no fucking idea what I would’ve done. All the scenarios I had imagined were…kind of unrealistic.” I let out a chortle–an embarrassing noise that I would've prevented if I could’ve. “Okay, you have to elaborate on that. Unrealistic how?” “Oh, I dunno. Like, maybe I would’ve pointed down to my crotch and have been, like: ‘I’ve got an extra delivery for you in here too.’” “I probably wouldn’t have gotten that you were signaling that you were wearing a diaper if you had said that…” “I know, I know. Oh, and my other idea was that I would’ve commented that your tip was going to go towards my diaper fund.” “Then, I just would’ve thought you were making fun of me.” We were both laughing, and pretty hard too. I was laughing so hard that I had lost some of the control I had been exerting on my bladder, causing a stream of pee to flood my diaper. It wasn’t a heavy wetting, but it was enough to change the status of my padding from ‘damp’ to ‘wet.’ Wet enough that I might have even considered a change were I anywhere else. I needed to be a little more careful. I probably couldn’t afford another slip-up like that. “So, Clark,” she finally asked, stifling the lingering giggles. “Who are you when you’re not in a diaper?” Oof. The answer I spat out was much more honest than I would’ve liked: “I don’t even know anymore.” She leaned in closer, looking much more curious now. “Is that so? Are, uh, diapers that important to you?” “I, uh, suppose that’s something I should be pretty upfront about.” I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation yet, but it was probably better for both of us if I did. She deserved to know the truth–or at least some of the truth. If she didn’t like what she heard, she didn’t have to waste any more of her time. “I wear them all of the time.” “Oh.” She didn’t look upset by this answer, though maybe concerned? “Shit. Did I…misread something? Is there, like, a more legitimate reason you wear them? Some sort of disability?” “No,” I quickly said. “It’s…all pleasure.” “Oh,” she said again. She said it differently this time–with some hesitation and, maybe, skepticism in her tone. “That’s a bit of a commitment.” “That’s an understatement.” “So you just choose to wear them? All the time?” I nodded. “And…how often do you use them?” she asked, with the cadence of someone who thinks they might already know the answer. “I’d say…pretty regularly.” She pointed down to my feet, where my bookbag was sitting on the floor by my stool. “And is that your…diaper bag?” My face blushed, her question being right on the money. “Y-yeah.” “My goodness, Clark. You’re just full of surprises.” She was smiling. That seemed good. Or, at least, better than her frowning or getting up and walking away. “Sorry,” I shrugged. “I know that’s a lot.” She didn’t even know the half of it yet. “It’s fascinating, is what it is,” she said, finishing the last of her pint glass. She waved to the bartender, pointing down at her glass. Did this conversation require more alcohol? “Too much information for someone you’re just getting to know?” “I’m still here, aren’t I?” “You are. But you may also just be interested in seeing how fucked of a human being I am.” “Wearing a diaper has been the most exciting thing to have happened to me in a year,” Paige shrugged. “I’m not going to pretend like I’m the sane one here. But I’ve still got plenty of questions for you.” “Shoot.” “So…is your diaper still dry?” That wasn’t the question I was expecting. I seemed to be having good luck with honesty thus far, so that seemed like the track to stay on. “Not really, no.” “Get out of here. Seriously?” I shrugged. “I mean…that’s what they’re for, right?” “It shouldn’t be that weird to me,” she said. “I mean, I’m wearing one too, you know? But, like, you’re really sitting right here next to me? In a pissy diaper?” My head did another perimeter check, scanning for eavesdroppers. The coast continued to be clear, as best as I could tell. “Yup.” “Wow,” she said under her breath. “I kind of love that.” “You could do that too, you know.” She snorted, and her cheeks glowed pink again. “It’s possible, sure. Will I? Eh…I don’t know about that.” “You might like it,” I prodded. “Oh, I’m sure that I will. But I’d need to convince myself that it’s safe to do, first. That’s the tricky part. I’ll work on that. In the meantime…I’m more interested in you and your diapers.” Isn’t that always the case? “Uh, any questions I can answer?” “Have you ever…” Her voice dropped to a near-whisper, her words were just barely audible over the bar’s ambient noise. “...like, pooped? In your diaper?” I didn’t want to, but I laughed out loud–a genuine cackle that got a few eyes on us for a moment. Had I ever pooped? I’d already messed myself twice that very day. “Sorry,” she said, head tilted with confusion. “Is that, like, a weird thing to ask?” “No, no. I just… Yes. I’ve done that.” And, for the sake of transparency, I added: “Often.” Her eyes grew big again. “Really? Like…recently?” “I…wear diapers all the time,” I said to her again. “It happens regularly.” “Even…out in public?” “Yeah.” “Even…when you’re out on dates? At a bar? With a girl you barely know?” “If that’s what my body needs to do, then…yeah.” She smiled and took a huge gulp from her fresh pint. She then waved down the bartender again, pointing at my empty glass to signal that I’d need a new one too. “So, you’re saying that if we sit here and talk long enough…you might just fill your diaper?” “Uhm…” The answer, I supposed, was a little more complicated than that. I could, probably, hold it if I had to–if I knew it was coming. Accidents happened, especially with me, but I had left the house tonight feeling pretty confident that I could avoid any catastrophic messes. But I didn’t think that was the answer she wanted to hear. “I just might,” I shrugged. “Let’s chat for a while,” she said, a devilish smile on her face, “and find out.”

Despite everything the girls plow on with their picnic. Sam is obviously very distracted though. --- My writing is my passion and my income. I'm only able to write as much as I do because of the wonderful support from my subscribers. With the ABDL purge on Patreon hurting my income dramatically I have set up a couple of alternatives. If you enjoy my work and want to support me there has never been a time where I need it more. For $5 you can see every update to my stories one week before anyone else and for $10 you get early access PLUS access to 50+ stories EXCLUSIVE to subscribers. There are other rewards and tiers available including discounted commissions. To find out more please consider visiting one of my subscription sites. Prices, rewards and eveything else are the same across both https://reamstories.com/elfy https://subscribestar.adult/elfy Thank you for reading and supporting me and my work ❤️ --- Whilst Sam had been away it seemed that Chrissy had set up the picnic. A large but thin blanket covered a flat part of the ground and snacks were scattered all over. Sam sat down opposite Chrissy and crossed her legs, the diaper provided a nice cushion on the hard ground, Amy sat on one side of her and Nina on the other. Sam was still thinking about what had happened in the forest. How could she not? She wondered what would’ve happened had Amy not walked into the clearing at that very moment. Maybe she had misread the situation but it felt like something had been about to happen… Sam looked across to Nina but after seeing her looking Nina quickly turned away. Sam ducked her head. Of course, she must’ve been wrong. Why would anyone think about kissing her like that? After all the humiliations she had suffered she was shocked the others were even still her friends yet alone anything more. She was seeing things that clearly weren’t there. The hug had been purely to make her feel better after her accident. Amy spent a lot of the picnic taking bits of food and wandering around with her binoculars up to her eyes. After eating her fill Chrissy was laid back and talking to Nina. Sam, meanwhile, remained quiet. She spent a lot of time with her mind back in the woods and thinking about what did and didn’t happen. “It’s beautiful up here.” Chrissy said. She was propped up on her elbows and looking around, “I wonder why no one else is up here.” “It’s not exactly an easy cycle.” Nina replied. “It didn’t seem that hard to me.” Chrissy shrugged. “Yeah, well, you weren’t pulling a trailer with…” Nina’s sentence drifted away as if the wind had stolen it. “Did you want me to pull the trailer on the way back?” Chrissy asked. If she noticed the sudden awkwardness she didn’t let on. “No, it’s fine.” Nina shook her head, “It’s mostly downhill.” Sam tried not to be put off with the way they were talking about her as if she wasn’t there. It wasn’t the trailer that made things harder for Nina, it was Sam, the heavy weight sitting in the little wagon. Being talked about like that with her fresh diaper padding her waist made Sam feel as if she was some small kid and the adults were talking about how to share the responsibilities of looking after her. After a couple more seconds of thought Sam stood up. “Sam?” Nina asked. “I think I’m going to go talk to Amy for a bit.” Sam said. She hurried away before anyone could say or do anything. Sam walked across the clearing. She felt like she could feel Nina and Chrissy staring at her rear end as she waddled slightly but she didn’t look over her shoulder to confirm her suspicions. Amy was stood by the wooden railing and looking out at the lake. As Sam went over she saw her friend let out a little yelp of delight and scribble something in her notebook. “Hey.” Sam said as she drew level with Amy. “Hi, Sam!” Amy greeted her small friend enthusiastically, “You just missed a family of deer on the other side of the lake. They were drinking and the kids were playing… It was fantastic!” “I bet.” Sam replied. With her small height the chances were that she wouldn’t have been able to see anything unless someone picked her up regardless. “What’s up?” Amy asked as she scanned the scenery again. “Nothing, really.” Sam kicked a small stone off the ledge and watched it bounce several times on the way down, “Just seeing what you were up to.” “I could stay here forever.” Amy replied wistfully, “I could build a little cabin nearby. Just imagine waking up to this every day!” “I think you’d go mad after a week.” Sam joked, “I don’t imagine you’d get much signal out here. Not to mention the internet.” “That’s true.” Amy chuckled, “Hey… Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” Sam turned to lean on the fence. She was looking back at Nina who was talking to Chrissy. “What was going on back there?” Amy asked, “I know you went to sort out your… problem. But when I saw you and Nina…” “Nothing.” Sam said quickly, “We were just talking.” Amy didn’t reply and Sam wasn’t going to press the issue. Despite this she was still pink in the cheeks. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t she be just like the other girls? Yet again Sam found her mind wandering a dark path that led to her only thinking about what she didn’t have. The friends ended up staying for a couple of hours. Sam was honestly a little bored but everyone else was having a good time so she did her best to relax. At no point did she or Nina speak. Half of her wanted to pull Nina aside and clarify things but the other half was scared that she would be rejected or that she would find out she had completely misunderstood what had happened. “Shall we head back?” Chrissy suggested, “I don’t fancy being out here when it gets dark. All the bears and wolves and…” “There are no bears out here.” Amy shook her head, “Honestly, haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve said?” “Do you want the honest answer?” Chrissy replied. It looked like Amy wasn’t about to respond angrily when Nina spoke up. “Let’s go back to the lodge.” Nina said, “I’m sure we’ve seen all we’re likely to see.” “But before we go…” Chrissy stood up and stretched, “I need to take a leak.” “Yeah, it’s probably best I do as well.” Amy didn’t seem keen about squatting behind a tree to pee. “Sam? Will you be alright looking after stuff for a couple of minutes?” Nina asked. It was the first thing she’d said to Sam in hours. “Sure.” Sam replied, “Not a problem.” “That is unless you need to go too?” Nina added. “I’ll be fine.” Sam answered as the others made their way to the trees. “Are you sure?” Nina asked, “It’s just you didn’t go before coming out and…” “I’m fine.” Sam replied a little more sternly. Sam turned away as the others went into the woods. She couldn’t tell them the truth. There was no way she was going to let them know that she knew she wouldn’t need the bathroom on the way home because she had already wet her diaper. It had happened only ten minutes or so previous. Sam felt the need to pee come on as it usually did and had started to make for the trees when she stopped. She’d had every intention of going behind a tree like her friends were now doing but she was stopped when she thought about the diaper between her legs. Sam didn’t know if she could get the diaper back on after taking it off, she didn’t know if she’d be able to do it by herself and she didn’t want to risk having to go commando just in case she really did need her diaper again. So, after thinking about it for a full minute she had made her mind up. Sam closed her eyes, held her breath and relaxed. It happened quickly and easily. Sam felt a slight building of the pressure and then the heat burst forth into her diaper. The warmth quickly enveloped the area between her legs and moved around the front and back as the padding rushed to absorb it all. She even shivered slightly as she finished up. The warmth was not entirely unwelcome and was becoming something Sam was used to. Whether any of her friends had noticed Sam didn’t know. It didn’t seem like they had since they were now all going off together to answer the call of nature whilst Sam remained behind. It was only as she started packing away some of the picnic that she wondered why she hadn’t tried harder to stop from using her diaper. Suddenly the reason of not being sure it would go back on felt very weak indeed. She thought about the warmth that was still clinging to her, the way the padding had expanded turning it into something akin to a soft sponge… “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.” Chrissy said loudly as she emerged from the trees. Sam suddenly came back to her senses. She looked down to see that her hand was pressed over the warm part of her padding and she quickly pulled it away. Thankfully she was facing away from where her friends were coming out. Sam joined the others in putting everything away and then climbed awkwardly into her wagon. She couldn’t do the restraints herself so Nina helped her. It felt intimate in that small space. Sam looked away as Nina reached behind her to grab the straps, they were inches apart and Sam felt like she should say something but had no idea what. As Nina pulled the strap up between Sam’s legs her hand accidentally brushed against her diaper area. “Oh, so-…” Nina stopped midway through her sentence and looked down at Sam’s crotch. It was just for a second but Sam noticed it clearly. After that Nina rapidly finished with the restraints and retreated to her bike. Sam covered her face with shame. Even with her pants on there was no way Nina could fail to feel the heat radiating from her diaper. It was obvious Sam was wet and now Nina knew it. Worse still was that she had no excuse this time. There had been ample opportunity to get some privacy and do what the others had done, she simply hadn’t done it. “Let’s roll!” Chrissy called out. She even managed to pull a bit of a wheelie as she led the way towards the lodge. Sam sat back in her seat feeling tired out. She could only imagine what Nina was thinking about her now. At least the ride back to the lodge was more comfortable than the one up to the picnic spot. For one thing Sam didn’t need to contend with stomach cramps and fight not to crap herself and for another the downhill journey seemed far smoother than the uphill one. Whilst sitting at the picnic Sam had drunk quite a bit of fruit juice hence the wet diaper she was sitting in. As the foursome reached the bottom of the hill and started along the flat section to the lodge she hesitated for just a brief second before relaxing her bladder again. Fresh warmth blossomed around her padding. Her second wetting of that particular diaper came very easily, she barely had to think about it at all. “I’m ordering us pizza tonight!” Chrissy shouted as they pulled up at the lodge. Sam smiled and waited as Nina got off her bike and turned back to undo the restraints. Thankfully she took extra care to avoid brushing against Sam’s diaper this time. Sam accepted Nina’s hand as she was pulled out of the seat and she wobbled as she stumbled on the ground. She hadn’t been quite prepared for just how swollen her diaper had become from the two accidents. Her legs were pushed much further apart than before. “Let’s get inside.” Nina said. She was still pointedly not looking at Sam, “I could do with a sit down.” Sam brought up the rear as everyone walked inside. She had a very noticeable waddle now. The padding had swollen between her legs and she could no longer press her knees together. Strangely, she didn’t feel too bad about it. There was a certain amount of embarrassment but at the same time there was some… comfort? Wetting herself on the journey back to the cabin had shown that without the diaper Sam would’ve needed another change of pants. Usually when she was anywhere away from the house she had to be very careful about where the nearest bathroom was thanks to smaller body. Once she had got over the shock of being introduced to diapers the way she had she could see their use. She didn’t have to worry so much. Heck, she had completely soiled herself but it hadn’t ruined the picnic. Maybe diapers weren’t something to loathe so much after all. Sam absolutely drew the line at being treated like a kid though. She had come to learn that diapers might be useful in certain situations but there was no use in being a baby. Even as she thought about it there was a part of her that was saying that wearing diapers meant she was being a baby anyway, she tried to silence that voice as much as she could. Nina dropped on to the couch as soon as she had got her shoes off. Her cheeks were pink from the cycling she had done. Amy went over to put some coffee on whilst Chrissy sat in the armchair. Sam walked over and clambered up on to the couch with a little difficulty. She sat next to Nina as the latter turned on the television. Before she realised she was doing it Sam’s eyes started to feel heavy and her eyelids drooped like her diaper. She let out a yawn and stretched but nothing was going to keep her awake, before they’d even settled on a channel to watch Sam had fallen asleep. --- I recently posted a brand new 109-page subscriber exclusive story! "Blackmailing Tommy" is about a young teacher who, after an accident, lives with his best friend's family until he heals. Unfortunately for Tommy his friend's son see this as an opportunity for revenge on a mean teacher... You can read the 62,000 word story at the following links RIGHT NOW: https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1208661 https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/ltnexz8kdu --- If you want to find out what happens on "Sam's Vacation" next you can do so RIGHT NOW at either of the following links: https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/lplyymi677/chapter/604f9158-fc2a-44bb-8f7a-60d41576bda0 https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1210422

Absolutely! I love waking up soaking wet. When my bedwetting came back after a long dry spell, as soon as I got over the shock and realised it wasn't just a one off. I thought to hell with this I am just going to let it happen and see where it takes me. I was very lucky my wife just took it in her stride and suggested nappies. I was a little depressed at first but when my wife told me in no uncertain terms to just wear nappies and get on with my life I took this as permission to just let things develop. Within a few months I was back to nightly wetting and couldnt be happier. I genuinely sleep better when wet and wake up so much happier and contented with life. My wife noticed that after a few months I was a much calmer and contented person. Some of us are just meant to be bedwetters.

Chapter Thirty Two Amanda looked down at John in the shopping cart. She could feel the worry on her face. “John.” she started slowly “We’re going into this store to get groceries. It’s not too busy this early, and there’s only a few dozen cars here. All you have to do is be cute, and help me figure out what you like.” John just nodded at her. He still looked a bit forlorn. But at least he nodded. This wasn’t shaping up to be the fun outing together she had hoped for, but she figured if she went straight to the strawberries that might snap him out of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ John knew he was being grumpy when Amanda started walking them into the store. He also knew that this was probably really bad timing to be grumpy. He tried thinking his way through all of this as quickly (and haphazardly) as he could. ‘Okay’ he thought to himself. ‘I knew I was stuck. Why am I suddenly pissed off about it?’ While he was debating in his head he saw the end of the parking lot and knew the building was close and he felt like he was being pressured to finish a thought process. So he reached over and patted Amanda on the arm. She stopped and leaned down to ask “You gonna be okay, sweety?” He nodded “I just need a moment. I’m a bit freaked out.” Her face filled his view and she kissed him on the forehead “Do you wanna talk about it?” He tried shaking his head but she was just staring at him like she cared SO much. “I don’t … wa… I THINK that….” He felt rather than saw her fingers running through his hair slowly. “Just try to say roughly what it is.” “I think …” he struggled to assemble a jumble of emotions into words “That … I … I think that I’m just really mad? Maybe just freaked ou… maybe it still hasn’t sunk in. I don’t know why I’m mad. Just that I’m mad.” Two large arms wrapped around him and a hunched over big woman hugged him to her chest. It wasn’t a bad sensation. But also didn’t really help his sense of helplessness. After a moment she got down to eye level with him again and said “I’m very proud of you?” “Uhhh…Why?” He had no idea why she would be proud of him for being mad. Her hand came into his view and she stroked his cheek with the back of a finger as she explained “It’s not easy to say what you feel. Especially when you’re confused.” He nodded like he understood. He almost sort of did. “Okay. We have to go get these groceries one way or another. What can we do now to make you feel a bit less mad, or maybe a bit more in control?” He looked down at where he was sitting. And then down … geeze he was higher up than he was tall. He knew what he wanted. “May I walk?” She looked him up and down and nodded. “On the one condition that Rupert comes with you.” Okay, weird condition, but whatever. “Yes Ma’am.” He was lifted out and stood on his feet and then Rupert was held out to him. “Okay, hold my hand, or hold onto the buggy. But don’t wander off no matter what you do. Say yes Ma’am.” He nodded “Yes Ma’am.” And that was how they walked in. Rupert under his right arm, his main hand holding onto Amanda’s right hand, and John feeling conflicted that he had to ask her to stop, but also somehow relieved that she heard him out. He felt a bit useless and dumb and confused. But somehow just being allowed to walk felt like it gave him a bit of control. Not much. But it was what was going to get. They passed through the automatic sliding doors and immediately he felt like he was looking ‘up’ at the most normal looking grocery store in the world. Shopping carts to the left of the door, rack of sales papers on a wobbly wire rack to the right. Flimsy table full of cheap … oh hey! John pulled on Amandas hand a bit and asked “Hey, what are those up there?” and he held out the hand with Rupert in it to sort of point at the clear containers. If those were what he thought they were, then this world was more normal than he expected. She looked down at him, then followed where he was pointing. “Oh. That’s some pastries. They try to sell you sweets the moment you wal… John why are you looking at me like that?” “I need to see!” It didn’t go unnoticed that she rolled her eyes while she chuckled, but she picked him up and got him up onto her hip as she walked over. John surveyed the table carefully. Sugar cookies the size of small plates. Croissants that he would have to hold with two hands, weird folded pastries filled with some sort of cheese that looked close enough to a danish. Silently, he nodded. “Okay. That seems normal enough.” He felt a pat on his back and he was slid down to the floor as she asked “Pass inspection?” With a silent nod from him, she waited like she wondered if he was going to explain anything. But when the explanation didn’t come she just shrugged and went back to walking. Clearly she didn’t understand how normal that table was. Looking through her legs as they turned right he saw generic floral display. Swinging his head back to the right, and of course up, he saw a cooler full of beverages and cheeses and those hilariously expensive looking bottles of juice. So far so good. Still obviously holding Amandas hand, his head was on a swivel, he felt like he was trying to look at everything at once, trying to find something different about this dimension. But it all seemed so oddly normal. “Oh! Can I see up there?” Very patiently, he was picked up and leaned so that he could see plastic containers of rotisserie chickens. “Heh. Your chicken looks way better than that.” There was definitely a chuckle behind him, but he was lowered back to the floor. They continued on their way with him unabashedly trying to see everything. He spotted shopping carts with Bigs pushing them. Several of them had kids, or kid-like adults in them. One woman in a dress with her blonde hair in a ponytail went by in front of them. She wasn’t paying attention to other people having to stop themselves from running into her as she payed no attention. That, unfortunately, also seemed normal. As they turned left he could see a great big wide open area with coolers that came up to Amanda’s waist. And therefore still over his head. But this area must have been a few hundred feet wide. Possibly more! “Hey umm… Mom?” he asked tentatively. “Yes sweety?” “Is this a big store?” She shook her head “No sweety. It’s sort of mid sized. I usually shop here instead of the bigger store because this one is less crowded and nowhere near as loud. I do go to the bigger ones for the sales sometimes.” Nodding yet again in almost comprehension, he said “This place is way bigger than a grocery store from my world.” Now she smiles “Would you say that it’s just over twice as big?” All he really did to respond was nod, but he let go of his hand and ruffled his hair. “Okay, hold onto the cart an I’ll go slow so you can keep up. We need a weeks worth of groceries, plus maybe some extra for one big meal this weekend. Even though we did a big meal two days ago. You’re not going to be good for my waist line.” “Not my fault.” he stated as he grabbed the back rail of the cart and walked as quickly as he could to keep up. She stopped at the obligatory wall of bread and grabbed two loaves. A few steps down was the usual section of peanut butter and assorted jellies. She looked down at him in consideration for a moment and grabbed a peanut butter and a squeeze bottle of red jelly. Then she squinted at him like she was remembering something. She turned and picked up a bottle of grape jelly and looked him up and down. He could tell that she was thinking of he and Kate stress eating three pounds of grapes the night before and almost throwing up on Aunt Cat. Time to look innocent “What?” he asked. She just shook her head and put the jelly into the cart. They continued on the way and started passing shelves with brightly colored fruit on the tops of them. This was the part of the store that he could never afford to visit consistently. As they passed between two rows, he spotted a small folding table. The table was only the height of his neck, so his curiosity was irresistible. Combined with the fact that Amanda stopped two (of her) steps away from the table, looked down at him, and then started pulling a little bag off of the roll. Well, temptation wasn’t even a strong enough word. John took five big steps and silently stood on tip toes to peek over the table to see what was on it. At first all he saw was an assortment of little paper plates with cut up bits of fruit and little snacks on it. Then he noticed a large gray hair woman leaning down to smile at him. Startled he stepped back too quickly and fell on his butt, squeaking a little as he landed on the hard floor. Thankfully he was wearing some padding. Silently the large smiling woman stood up and stepped around the table, and to him she looked like a thirteen foot tall smiling monster reaching for him. He started to scramble to get away from her, but a large hand closed firmly around his left upper arm and pulled him upright. His fight or flight reflex was swinging back and forth between flee and take a swing faster than he could process. He was rotated slightly and another hand patted his butt and he felt the top of his diaper being pulled back. THAT snapped him out of it, and he croaked out “Don’t touch my butt!” as every single muscle in his body tensed up like a steel cable, and Rupert fell from his hand. If the woman would have tilted him he would have kept the same pose, he was so tense. As she said something to him softly, she was pulling him closer. His fists were balled, his body was tense. He had a plan of escape. He was gonna punch her in the boob as hard as he could and cheese it to hide behind HIS giant. As he was being pulled within swinging range he heard a shout from behind him “JOHN. TAYLOR.” Oh shit. She used his full name. John looked up at the woman. Then over his shoulder at his big. Then he took his own posture into account. Think fast think fast think fast. He went limp and made grabby hands trying to reach for Rupert. That worked for the big that was holding him because he heard her say “Awww” and she stood up, lifting him up onto her hip with a sense of familiarity like she had lifted hundreds of people his size throughout her lifetime. She didn’t seem like a big monster. But she didn’t smell like his big. Not wrong, just not right. Amanda scooped up Rupert an stood with her arms crossed, tapping her foot while she stared at him. Amanda looked mad. “John. I told you to hold either the cart or my hand. Why did you let go?” The older woman holding him came to his rescue by saying sweetly “Oh Mommy, don’t be too hard on him. He just saw a table that wasn’t too high for him to see and he was curious. He only let go for ten seconds.” Then the woman holding him looked down at him and said “You were going to go right back to your Mommy, weren’t you little boy?” John just nodded. “Uh huh” Amanda interrupted. “Thank you for helping him up Ma’am. He’s only been in our dimension for a week and he’s still a bit afraid of all the big changes” After a shuffling of a john shaped rag doll from one persons hip to another, Amanda looked at John expectantly and then nodded toward the woman. “John. Are you going to say thank you to this nice woman?” His brows furrowed, he was still mad that she touched his butt and looked in the back of his diaper. But he also knew he was about to get himself spanked. His face turned red, and he didn’t know if it was because he was mad, or because he was embarrassed. Amanda seemed to know some of what was going on in his head. “John. Take a deep breath. Use your words. Your words John. Nothing else. Just your words. Words.” Okay. The redness was embarrassment. Looking over he mumbled “Tha...Thank you Ma’am.” “Clearly.” Oh, she had the tone. John cleared his throat and said more clearly “Thank you Ma’am.” but still not able to look her in the eyes. “Awww, that’s okay sweety. You just fell down and needed some help up.” The woman seemed to have either not noticed, or been completely oblivious to his previous body language. The way Amanda was holding him, the tension of the fingers on his thigh… yeah. She noticed. “Well, thank you very much for helping him up. He will absolutely learn his lesson and not let go of the cart, because he will be spending more time IN it.” John slumped as he sighed. “Oh Mommy, don’t be mean to him. Here, let Nana Claire give him a treat!” John looked over at the seemingly nice woman, and then up at Amanda. It was his turn for raised eyebrows. Amanda still had something to say “I don’t know if he deserves it at the moment.” “Well, you are his Mommy, but I have samples of fruit and chocolate. And if he’s new here, then we get to find out what he likes together!” He could FEEL Amanda soften against him. He looked over at her and she winked at him. This Nana Claire woman was good at getting samples into littles, even if she was oblivious about other things. “Okay.” Amanda conceded “But you’re still in trouble, Mister.” Amanda carried him the whopping one step to the table so he could see, while the self proclaimed Nana Claire sat back on her stool. As he looked at the small (to them) table he saw a variety of colors. He didn’t know most of these things. Nana Claire gave John a little finger wave like you would a small child and then smiled to Amanda “So how did you wind up with your little bundle of joy here?” Amanda softened slightly as she explained “I found him out in the woods. Well, my dog did. He wandered into a rift and then got lost.” “I..” John started, but he stopped as Nana Claire talked over him. “Oh my! The poor baby must have been so scared! Luckily he has a Mommy to keep him safe!” He looked up, Amanda was smiling a little now. Nana Claire was good. Nana Claire soldiered on “So you haven’t had your baby long, do you know what kind of things that he likes to eat yet?” “I ca..” John stopped as he felt a firm pat on his thigh. Amanda answered for him “So far I know that he loves raw sweet peas, grapes, he tolerated the sweet tomatoes, he traded another little for all of her olives, and he goes wild for strawberries.” “But I…” He tried again. “Well! What a great little eater!” Nana Claire talked right over him. Not on purpose, but like she didn’t know he was capable of words. Amanda patted him on the thigh like she was trying to get his attention as she continued the conversation. “Part of what I hope to do today is get a variety of fruits and veggies to see what he likes.” “Ve…” As Nana Claire spoke like he wasn’t there again he couldn’t help himself, he leaned his head back, rolled his eyes and flopped his head forward onto a boob. As the conversation carried on he mumbled into Amandas chest “I just want an apple.” He was listening to the conversation, but only halfway. He mumbled a few random things into the boob he had his face in. “I ate an entire ostrich.” was one of them. And “I killed all the dinosaurs. They were delicious.” was another. After a few minutes of being talked over, literally and figuratively, Amanda rotated him and pointed at the table. Nana Claire had a handful of plates pushed to the front of the table and she was smiling at him like she was looking at an infant. Happy, bubbly, vacant. “Here you go, can you be a big boy and try these for us? Mommy told me some things you like and I bet you’re going to love all of these things.” John looked down at the tiny paper plate with some little cube of pale yellow fruit on it. He just knew he was going to hate it because it was coming from Nana Claire. With a look up to Amanda it was obvious at a glance that this fruit was going in his mouth one way or the other. He huffed. “Aww, new littles are shy. But you trust Nana Claire and you’ll be very happy that you did.” John gave her the best fake smile he could as he leaned back and reached across with his left hand and picked up the little cube of pale yellow. “That’s called a mango. Can you say mango?” John just shook his head and said “Nope.” and then popped the fruit from another dimension into his mouth before anyone could catch on that he was obviously being snarky. As he bit into the juicy cube, he stopped moving. His brain had to reset. That’s not a Mango. Mango shouldn’t taste that good. It was as though the inside of his mouth was filled with sweet liquid and slightly crunchy fruit. His brain caught up with his taste buds and he started chewing faster. The two bigs read him like a book because before he could swallow. By the time he was done Amanda had taken Rupert, put him into the buggy and gotten him his sippy cup and said “Drink some water.” They didn’t even ask how he like the mango. They just assumed that he did because he ate it like he was starving. After a few pulls of water Amanda held up a yellow square that was obviously pineapple. There was no way that was … it got closer to his mouth and he tried giving her ‘the look’ but this was her world and that was about to be his bite of pineapple. Fine. Of course Nana Claire had to chime in to help “Don’t worry sweety, you like sweet things and tart things. You’re gonna love that.” GOD HE WANTED HER TO BE WRONG. John took the bite of Pineapple as indignantly as he could manage. And just like the Mango, it was delicious! Bit tart on the follow which made his eyes cross briefly, but other than that amazing. He was made to drink more water and when he saw a blueberry coming at him he didn’t wait, he reached out and grabbed it and popped it into his mouth like a piece of candy. It tasted sweet and just a bit tart and the only thing that spoiled it at all was that Nana Claire said he would love it. He wanted her to be wrong so badly. Next was a piece of banana that had been cut in half to make a semi circle. Nana Claire said “Now Mommy, your little boy may not like the banana. But if you want, I’m sure he could try it like a big boy and find out for sure.” As the banana came at him he leaned back. It came closer still and he twisted to lean back a bit farther. As it got right to his mouth he willed his spine to go limp so he could bend upside down. It didn’t work as the bite of banana went into his mouth. He closed his eyes and tried not to make a face as he chewed it. The sweet flavor was fine. But the texture in his mouth going from firm to goop in a few chews made him stop. He wanted to spit it out. He wanted to spit it into orbit. He wanted to untaste this bite of banana. He wanted to send the banana through a rift so it would be someone else's problem. As he finally forced himself to swallow the bite, he didn’t even care how obvious his distaste was on his face or in his mannerisms. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nana Claire nod “Well, it’s impossible to know for certain what our little babies like until they try it. He obviously does not like the banana.” A pox upon her for being right. Just as he finished taking some water out of his sippy cup, and before he could mouth off to her by shouting ‘Ya think!?’ he looked over and Nana Claire had left her stool and she was smiling at him holding a piece of strawberry out on a toothpick for him to take directly from her instead of from his own Mommy. That’s not fair. Nana Claire is good at this. Mean. Totally ignored him, but somehow actually did manage to read his body language. Which means that she knew full and well that he was scared and wanted to lash out earlier. But here she was offering him strawberry. He realized that she could indeed read him like a book as she said “Don’t worry, Nana Claire can tell what you like.” Begrudgingly he took the bite. Oh it was heaven. It was oh so sweet in just the right ways. It was just barely tart on the end. Juicy did not begin to describe it. It was perfect. Almost worth this batty dimension for more of these. Almost. He visibly relaxed. “Now!” Nana Claire, dismissive and mean and wonderful saint of strawberry procurement continued “I believe in saving the best for last. Mommy, is it okay if your baby boy has a piece of chocolate?” Amanda squinted down at him and asked softly “Do you want a piece?” Of course he nodded. It’s chocolate. So Nana Claire showed Amanda the packaging of the candy bar and gave her the whole sales pitch about how ‘Bigs don’t like sweets, but littles do. And this chocolate is made just for littles by people that love them.’ yada yada yada. Nana Claire opened up the little container with the samples of chocolate bar and instead of giving him a tiny piece, she got an especially big chunk and handed it to him. He had to take it with both hands. “Thank you Nana Claire!” He said without any prompting from either big. “Oh there’s his little voice! You are most welcome.” Of course -now- she could hear him. He would be more indignant, but he had a huge chunk of chocolate. One cautious nibble of it and he was sold. It was so good it tasted like drugs and addiction in one sweet sweet package. John was deposited into the shopping cart and Amanda and Nana Claire went around gathering up some fruits behind him. He heard something about “This looks like an apple but tastes like a grape” and honestly it didn’t matter, he had chocolate. Eventually they were done in the produce section and his fingertips were covered in chocolate. He didn’t really remember the last few minutes. Not did he felt the need to. As Amanda wiped his hands and mouth with a baby wipe he said “Mom?” “Yes sweety?” “Can you please tell her that I’m sorry that I got scared?” With a nod, Amanda turned and said “Nana Claire, John says that he’s sorry for getting scared earlier.” Of course she heard it from another big, Nana Claire smiled at him and said to Amanda “Oh that’s perfectly okay Dearie. He’s just new here and he hasn’t learned that the bigs know better. He’ll learn how much he needs to depend on us in no time, I promise.” With the two bigs nodding at each other, Amanda turned and pushed the cart away, with him now not only seated in it, but buckled in for good measure. His walking in the store privileges were obviously gone for the moment. “May I walk some more?” “No you may not.” He looked down at her feet as he said softly “Okay.” From there the rest of the shopping trip seemed to be comfortingly ordinary. Rice, beans, dry goods all went into the buggy behind him. He started to feel a bit giggly for some reason. He had no idea why, but when Amanda showed him a box of what was obviously a version of mac’n cheese shaped like little animals, he started having a giggle attack. Since he had been good since that incident two packs of marshmallows went into the front of the cart with him. He knew a bribe when he saw it. All went great and he was even tolerating having to twist around to see what groceries they had just passed. For some reason he started to enjoy putting his hand on top of hers when she was pushing the shopping cart. It made him smile. While they were in the cooler section and Amanda was reading the nutrition labels of various juices marketed for littles his stomach started to feel bubbly. It did not feel normal and the bubbles were not moving up. While he was focusing on the odd sensation a woman with a very familiar seeming haircut walked up behind Amanda and opened the cooler next to her, hitting Amanda with the door hard enough that Amanda said “Hey!” The rude woman said “Well, watch where you’re standing.” Amanda just let it pass with a harrumph. John saw her hit his Mommy with a door. And in his current state that set him off. John grabbed and launched a bag of marshmallows at the womans head. The bag just hit her and fell to the ground. It was like throwing a pillow at a giant golem. But it got the message across. The rude woman looked at him indignantly “Hey! You little turd! Don’t you know better!” Amanda turned and said “Hey! You don’t yell at him. You upset him in the first place.” “Well, certainly SOMEONE needs some mittens.” John started to chime in “Don’t hit my Momma!” but he stopped. For reasons that John could never explain, suddenly he didn’t have an urgent need to go. He HAD to go. The churning immediately turned to cramping and he grabbed the handle of the cart with a pained look on his face. He tried with all his might to stop it. But he may as well have been trying to stop a landslide with willpower alone. This did not feel normal. It was torrential and he couldn’t breathe as his entire abdomen convulsed to expel something that it wanted out of him more urgently than it wanted anything else. No movement should be this immediate, this liquid, and certainly not this foamy. It felt wrong in every possible way. John was trapped in the shopping cart and he tried desperately any way he could to pull himself up and take weight off of his bottom. It was beyond gross. And what was worse he had no choice or any chance. The woman had been prepared to scream at him and Amanda more, but while John sat there in the cart freaking out and obviously messing himself she stopped and stared. After a moment she covered her nose and said “Ugh. Littles!” and power walked away like she had anywhere else to be. All John knew was that it still hurt so much and more came out of him. It was too much. He was never one to cry easily, but he was also not prepared to be in another dimension and helplessly mess himself with the force of an upside down volcano. John started crying. And for some reason his emotions felt like they were dialed all the way up, so when he started crying he started CRYING. He didn’t even notice Amanda put the marshmallows back into the cart and start quickly walking away without saying a word. He barely noticed walking past over a dozen Bigs, all of whom looked at him and said some variation of “Awww, poor baby.” He was still crying when she unbuckled him. He was still crying when he was carried into the women's bathroom. He was certainly crying when he was laid down onto the changing table. His shoes were pulled off. His pants were peeled off. Amanda was talking to him softly, shushing him and trying to calm him down while she worked. He didn’t even register when she buckled a strap over his chest and ran across the bathroom to get several paper towels and put them under him and start wiping off his back and belly and legs. He started slowing down as she peeled the gross diaper off of him and saw what she had to work on. “Whew. Baby this is … a lot. Hold still for Momma.” Six paper towels and a dozen wipes later, she was going to great lengths to get everything off of the changing table and tilting him up to scrub underneath him. It was easily five minutes of dedicated work on Amanda's part before she had him in a fresh blue diaper. When she was finally done changing him, he was out of tears. He turned his head sideways as she went to the sink and turned his pants inside out, scrubbing them as best she could with hand soap and rinsing them under the faucet. After wringing them out as thoroughly as she could, she tried the hand drier on them. After a minute of the loud fan running she seemed to give up and walked back over to unbuckle him and picked him up into a big hug. She spoke softly as she asked “Are you feeling better now that you’re clean?” He nodded yes into her neck. “Are you out of tears? Do you need to cry any more?” He shook his head no into her neck. “Do you know that I love you?” He nodded yes into her neck again. “Why did you throw the marshmallows at that woman?” “Because she hit my Mom with a door.” There was quiet for a moment as he felt her hand stroking his back some more. Eventually she spoke again “Would you like to pick a pack of cookies?” Of course he nodded again.

Chapter Thirty One John stirred as something shook him. He rolled onto his side and the shaking stopped. He heard something like complaining behind him. He went back to sleep. Some time later he rolled over onto his other side and felt something warm beside him so he draped his arm over it and yawned really well, intent on waking up later. As long as later wasn’t soon. Something in front of him moved and something weird was ticking all over his face and nose, so he started swatting at it in his sleepy state. His hand got tangled up in some hair. Cracking one eye open as he pulled his hand back, he heard “Stop pulling on my hair.” from someone else that also sounded sleepy. Curious now, John pushed himself up into a seated position. The moment his weight went onto his butt he grimaced and tiredly grumbled out “uh umh” and shuffled to get his legs under him so his weight was on his thighs and not the contents of his diaper. Rubbing his eyes, he looked over and down at Kates legs and diaper clad butt sticking out from under a blanket. He poked her foot. She pulled her foot away and said “Lay back down, you were keeping me warm.” He thought about it a moment before he gave up and flopped back down and pressed his back against her. At first, John closed his eyes and started to doze back off. But slowly his brain processed things and he reached back and patted and felt a hip. Mustering the full might of his early morning brain capacity, he asked clearly: “Mm?” She twisted and turned her head to look at him. Then he felt her look back forward and whisper “You’re one of those people that don’t brain in the morning, aren’t you?” “Nnn...mmmm” He felt the person against his back take a deep breath and sigh “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Giving up on using his eyes for now, he mumbled “Bleh.” Over the course of the next ten minutes or so his brain slowly chugged into life and they started to have a conversation while laying there. While they were talking he kept noticing that he could feel her against his head and shoulders and back, but that their butts seemed to be several inches apart. He would have never thought that not feeling someone against your butt would be strange. Eventually though, Kate addressed the elephant in the room first by saying “Phew. We stink.” John took his turn to sigh and ask “So this is just what mornings are like for all littles here?” The softly spoken reply came “Yeah. This is our mornings. Laying in a crib in a diaper waiting for Mommy to come change us.” They were quiet again for a moment, but finally he admitted “It’s gross. At first I thought a wet diaper was disgusting. But right now I could sit in a wet diaper and not complain.” After another bit of quiet, he heard the reply from behind him. “Yeah. This place changes the way you see everything. All this technology and we’re still the babies here.” Finally, John had enough “I’m not laying on my side anymore.” Kate snorted a bit “You can try to lay on your back if you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it.” Pushing himself up onto all fours, John said simply “Nope” and crawled up around Kates head, past her and halfway up onto the pillow and just flopped onto it. Sinking contently into it with most of the weight off of his butt, he let out a sigh. Kate immediately pinched her nose and complained “Oh m… my face is right here by your…” John didn’t even look, he pointed up “I left you plenty of room on the other side of the pillow.” Immediately up onto all fours, Kate crawled around to the other side of the pillow, just past halfway up onto it and flopped. Now it was her turn to sigh. “Oh my g…” she exclaimed and then squeezed the pillow “I’m asking Mommy for a giant pillow.” After a few quiet minutes of the duo luxuriating on their giant fluffy pillow, John found himself thinking back to the previous day. “Hey.” he mumbled. “Yeah?” came a comfortable sounding response. Floundering for words a bit “My … uhhh Mom? Yeah, I guess it’s more a title than a name?” There was a quick humored exhale above his head “Yes John, she’s your Mom. Eventually you’ll call her Mommy like I do mine. I don’t know why, but you probably won’t mind it either.” He nodded against the pillow and explained “Well, Mom was … I guess I can only say she was super cool last night.” There came an agreement “Oh yeah!” It took a moment of thought before he could add “I think that it was super hard for her because she’s just going to think she she didn’t find her before she got too cold? She seems like the kind of person that would feel bad about that.” “John?” He looked up to see Kate looking at him “Yeah?” She said “You have no idea how over protective the bigs are here.” He nodded and then flopped his head back down, feeling the pillow shift as she did the same. Musing out loud, he said “Still, as far as I’m concerned, she’s a hero.” Kate barked out a cute brief laugh “Yeah. She was all like ‘we’re not waiting’ and the agent guy just had to go and follow her.” Just then they both stopped and turned their heads toward the door as they heard footsteps. In walked two tall women and the side of the crib went down. Amanda leaned on the right side crib wall while Aunt Cat leaned on the left side, each smiling down at their littles. “Good Morning!” They both declared excitedly. John groaned out loud “Oh my God I’m surrounded by morning people.” Amanda clapped softly with a big exaggerated smile “John! You spoke an entire word before having your coffee milk!” All he could muster was “Ughhhhhhhh” Amanda stopped and poked him on the side while mumbling “No, I think he’s broken again.” Meanwhile Aunt Cat already had Kate airborne and moving toward the changing table. When he realized that her diaper was coming off in plain view, he turned his head toward the wall out of a sense of modesty. He felt Amanda’s fingertips running up and down his back. It felt really nice. She leaned and whispered softly to only him “So I’m the big heroic Mommy?” John felt his face and ears turn beet red and he rolled onto his side to look up at her big grin before rolling to bury his face back into his pillow. He mumbled into his pillow “I’m not awake, so I didn’t say anything.” Then he felt a tap on his shoulder and heard “I don’t know, that was a lot of words from a sleeping little.” Taking a moment and channeling his best attempt at a B rated movie zombie he took a deep breath and said “UHNNNNnnnnnnnnn Brainnnnnnnssssss” And then a fingertip found his ribs and he tried to squeal while his lungs were empty! He felt his hair being ruffled and then he was being lifted and carried sideways. Although as tall as Amanda was it almost felt like she was just taking a step and swinging him over like a giant crane. As his butt hit soft weirdly plasticy mat, the bars flopped limply onto him at the same as he shuddered at the unpleasant sensation. Unlike usual, Amanda playfully picked up his pacifier and poked his lips with it, stating “Here, this special zombie proof pacifier will keep me safe.” He just rolled his eyes and accepted it as she went to work with the diaper change. It took an extra minute of scrubbing that he was honestly very grateful for before she came into his view holding up one rough pup diaper, and one bright blue one with a monkey on it. Oh a whim he pointed at the blue one. With a nod she bapped him with it before finishing. When he felt the telltale bump of her knee on some spot of the table, the bars went up and he was lifted and put onto the floor on his own two feet. “Okay young man. After breakfast we have to go to the grocery store. So let’s get you dressed and presentable really quickly.” For some reason the whim just took him and he shouted “You’ll never take me alive, copper!” and he tried to dart between her knees. Two trunk like legs closed in to clamp him in place and he flailed comically for a moment. Going limp he admitted “You took me alive.” There was a feeling like someone playing bongos, but on his padded bottom. After a moment of that he went from indignant to laughing “Okay!” he declared “I give up! I surrender! I’ll go along peacefully!” One moment later he was back on his feet and she knelt in front of him to give him a hug. With a whisper, she told him “Some times you act more like a little than others.” not really knowing how to take that statement he apologized “I’m sorry I didn’t …” She cut him off with a kiss to his forehead and said “No, it’s adorable and I appreciate it.” And as she stood up she pulled the shirt he slept in up and off. After a moment Amanda showed John a couple of options. “Okay” she explained “We’re going to get groceries, shouldn’t be gone two hours. It’s a bit cool out today, but not cold. Do you want shorts, pants, or overalls?” Without hesitation, he answered “Pants, please” Then she held up a shirt and a onesie. He pointed at the blue shirt with the cartoon dog wearing a cape on it. Moments later he was being carried, dressed for the day, and deposited on the living room floor next to a very excited Xerxes. Moments after that, Kate was deposited next to him. Aunt Cat looked down at both of them and explained “Okay, we’re going to get ready for the day ourselves, and then get you two breakfast before we all hit the road.” With that they each got a pat on the head, and she walked away as well. Now as alone as they were going to get again John asked something he’d been wondering. “Hey Kate?” “Yes?” “Why did they put us in the cr...I mean bed together?” With a shake of her head, Kate answered “John, we are both littles, and we were out cold after breast feeding. What were we possibly going to do?” He just sort of nodded “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Kate nodded then and asked “Can I play on your tablet a bit before we have to go?” The two of them sat together on the floor and John watched Kate just breeze through the color puzzles that hard started off as very simple, but then had her blending colors that he was pretty sure were only superficially different. After about fifteen minutes Aunt Cat came over and leaned down to watch over their heads for a moment before they even noticed she was there. Aunt Cat spoke up “That’s actually really cool, and you’re doing great!” Kate looked up and smiled at her “Thank you!” With a great big smile growing across her face, Aunt Cat patted them both on the head “You know what would be even MORE fun?” Kate looked confused for a moment, but John’s tickle senses kicked in and he shouted to his little friend. “Cheese it!” And he tried to get up and run for it. He made it one step before he felt himself being lifted into the air with one arm under his back and holding him by the bottom, and some fingers in his ribs. He tried not to crack, but it only took a few seconds before he was laughing and thrashing. By the time it was over he was against her shoulder while she patted his back. “Breath sweety” Aunt Cat said. Eventually he was deposited into his booster seat while a giggling Kate was placed in the one next to him. After a moment John found a bowl of oatmeal being slid in front of him. He was immediately unimpressed. He had never liked oatmeal a single time in his life. He associated oatmeal with ‘I can get groceries in a few days, this is what I have.’ Kate next to him went to town on her oatmeal and seemed like she was in heaven. Amanda leaned down and gently tapped him on the shoulder before asking “You okay there baby?” “Ummm…” was all he could muster. So Amanda picked up the spoon and stirred the oatmeal before holding the spoon up to him to take a bite. He instinctively leaned back. “I’ll make you a deal. You try a bite, and if you really and truly don’t like it, then I’ll make you some toast.” He sat there in his booster seat, leaning back and looking from Amanda to the spoon and back. Nothing about her body language told him that she was going to give up. She would wait him out. With a sigh he said “Fine.” He opened his mouth, she put the spoon into it. And then he furrowed his brow. Pausing to swallow he said “Oatmeal doesn’t taste like that!” Amanda handed him the spoon and kissed him on the forehead, whispering “Here it does. Littles love oatmeal.” He needed no prompting to dig in just like Kate was doing next to him. Whatever was in this oatmeal was weirdly compelling. And so with heavy stomachs and each of them with a sippy cup full of juice, they were sent back to the living room. After a minute of overly full shuffling around, the two of them settled down in front of the couch, leaning back. With their hips and legs pressed up against one another they looked down at the tablet home screen. It had a few new icons that weren’t there yesterday, but they chose to ignore them for now and they looked at the folder of books. While they scrolled through such curious titles as “Benny the Rooh” and “The Bearenstines” John felt an elbow gently in his ribs. “You need a bean bag” Kate whispered Shaking his head, he retorted “I don’t need a bean bag, I have a dog.” She pointed to the dogs head at the window “Your dog is outside.” After a moment of quiet he admitted “Bean bags are great.” While she was poking fun at him she settled in the Young Adult folder and was scrolling a bit more slowly, taking in the titles. John pointed to one and asked “How about this one?” “The Odyssey of Hugh?” All he could manage was a shrug “I don’t know, I’m just picking one because you can only scroll for so long before you just can’t make a choice.” Kate laughed at him a bit as she tapped the name and it came up with a picture of a very old looking book and a synopsis to one side. So John read it out loud “The Odyssey of Hugh: An epic tale of a man on a quest, who wandered for ten years exploring far away lands. After a shipwreck left him stranded on a distant island. After a long journey, Hugh overcomes many obstacles using his wit and whatever resources he has to hand. Hugh has befriended a wild bear and saved a stranded little that have joined him on his journey along the way. This is the story of their journey to return to Hugh’s home to his wife Penelope.” When he finished reading that out loud Kate used her fingers to zoom in on the cover of the book. There was a man standing on an outcrop overlooking the sea, and behind him there was a giant bear that came up to his chest, and you could see a carefully drawn little on the bears back with his own little backpack. Kare shook her head “No way any sane person would ride a bear.” John coughed a bit, his face turning red. It took her looking at a his face before she realized “You wouldn’t?” He could only nod. “Well.” she added “Like I said, no sane person.” He just rolled his eyes and tapped the button marked “Start Reading” The two of them managed to read at about the same speed, and were both getting fully invested when they each felt a tap on the shoulder. They both looked up to see their respective Mommy smiling down at them. Amanda spoke first “Have you two had fun together?” They both nodded, and when She took the tablet from them they both protested in their own way. Kate reached for it and said softly “But my book” While John just went limp and sighed “We just got to a good part” With Kate on her hip, Aunt Cat asked “What were you two rascals reading that you were so invested in?” Kate spoke up first by answering “The Odyssey of Hugh!” Now the two bigs looked back and forth between themselves and then at the littles on their hips. Then back at each other. “Huh.” Amanda spoke first “Are you two good at reading?” John probably looked as indignant as he felt “Hey! Where we’re from we read a lot, Mom.” Kate was just nodding along in agreement. Then Aunt Cat chimed in “I think I could see these two reading that just because of Hughs bear companion, Baloo.” John and Kate immediately looked at each other and said in unison “Baloo?” “Yeah, his bear is named Baloo.” Chimed in Aunt Cat and Amanda, both in unison. The two littles tried to keep a straight face, but John cracked first as he broke into a fit of giggles, followed immediately by Kate cracking up with him. The two bigs looked so confused by their littles having a laugh attack. Aunt Cat put a finger into Kates side and asked “Why is the name Baloo so funny?” The two went into a fresh fit of laughter and after some very patient waiting from two big women that were obviously planning to wait until they got an answer, John blurted out “Baloo is in the Jungle Book!” Looking right up at Amanda’s face, he could see her lock eyes with Aunt Cat before looking down and explaining to him “No, Sweety. The Jungle Book has a bear named Fozzy.” And that was it. Both littles were full on belly laughing again. Neither one of them could breath easily through the laughter. It went on for a full five minutes and they started to calm down. As John was finally catching his breath he heard from behind him. “Wakka” “PFFTTTTTTT” followed by another laugh attack. “Oh God. Oh God. It hurts. It hurts.” was mirrored by both littles. By the time they regained their composure, they were both wearing shoes and being carried to the driveway. Being stood up in front of each other, John felt a pat on his padded bottom and saw Aunt Cat do the same to Kate. They both got a “You two say goodbye, you’ll see each other in two days” They stood there kind of awkwardly shuffling their feet. “Umm…” John didn’t really know how to say goodbye in this situation. Kate just rolled her eyes and stepped up to give him a hug. He hugged her back, a bit haphazardly. She didn’t seem to be able to think of anything to say either. Finally the two bigs gave up and picked them both up. And gave them a kiss before shuffling them into their carseats. John was buckled in and a diaper bag was slid in the usual place in front of his seat, and the door shut. As Amanda slid into her seat and buckled up, John asked “So where are we going today?” “Welllllll” Amanda smiled up at the mirror “We are desperately low on groceries, because some little boy ate all the eggs. You don’t know who that would be, would you?” Shaking his head as though he had no idea “Nope. But you should definitely get someone on that.” He could see her rolling her eyes at him as she put the car into gear and asked “If we’re quick we can make one more stop while we’re in town. Is there anything you want to get while we’re out?” “Ummm…. Could we go by a pet store and get a toy for Xerxes?” He said the first thing that came to mind. Once they were on the road, John took a few pulls of juice from his sippy cup and got lost in thought. He really was stuck here. At least he had someone from home to talk to sometimes. Spaced out and completely lost in thought he barely noticed how much time passed until the door opened and Amandas face came into his view with a smile. Until she looked at him closely. “John” She asked “Are you okay? You look a bit sad.” He really just nodded slowly, saying “Yeah. Just thinking about things.” She immediately unbuckled him and picked him up into a hug, whispering “Do you wanna talk about it?” With a shake of his head, he admitted “I don’t think I understand it all yet, so … no” That got him another squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk. About anything. You’re my favorite little guy and I want to help you through everything.” Then she whispered a bit lower “Are you ready to go into the store?” It took a moment before he nodded. It was a struggle at the moment to remember all of the pointers and advice he had been given. One thing stuck out, though. “Hey umm… Are strangers really that grabby with littles?” He watched her get a funny look on her face before she said, seemingly careful about her words “I don’t know that I would say it that way *exactly* but it is normal in our culture to just check littles to see if they are wet or messy without telling the little, if that’s what you mean.” John was already shaking his head “I don’t want strangers touching me like that!” “Shhh shhh, hold on, hold on. Let’s get you comfy. Here, which pacy do you want?” He just blinked at her for a moment. She stood there holding him without any sense of rushing him, or intent to put him down or anything. She was just waiting for him. “Sweety, I’m not saying that you’re going to run a marathon or do anything like that, but I had hoped you would have your wits about you.” She was speaking softly and slowly. He just nodded “Umm… I guess … please give me that pacy.” “Which one?” “The training pacy? If I get mad and bite down on it, or anything, will you promise that I won’t be in trouble?” That got him picked up and kissed on the cheek “Sweety, if you use that to stay out of trouble, I promise you I won’t be mad at all.” He just nodded as she pulled the training pacy out of the diaper bag and clipped it onto his shirt. She held it up to him, but he just shook his head. So she lowered it so that it dangled, then she held out Rupert. With a kind smile, but a look that said it wasn’t a question, Amanda said “Rupert isn’t optional, you’re bringing him in with you.” So John just nodded and took Rupert, holding him against his chest as Amanda slung the diaper bag and then leaned down to pick him up. As he was settles on a hip, his head propped up on her chest and he couldn’t hold in the question. “Hey … about that whole plasma and matter thing … what happens if someone tried to go back after coming through a rift? Like through one of those portal places?” He could tell he hit something with that question because she faltered in her step. He felt a kiss on top of his head and he was lifted up higher onto her elbow so she could look him in the eyes “Well… before we got the hang of what was and was not safe … a few people, bigs and littles … made it through as a pile of … goop.” John just stared at her. A mental image of a person turning into goo cursed his vivid imagination. “Sweety?” John shuddered as he felt acid coming up his throat. Apparently her Mom senses kicked in because she turned and sprinted a few steps. As she got him aimed at a trash can his oatmeal came up. He could barely even hear the comment “Thank the Goddess that they have trash cans by the cart stalls.” After a moment he spit a few times and felt himself upright and being lowered into the seat of a shopping cart. Amanda put the diaper bag in the cart behind him and then wiped his face with a baby wipe. She offered him a sippy cup and said “Here, swish some water around in your mouth and spit it into the trash can.” So as he took a pull of water from the sippy cup and swished it around in his mouth, she rolled the cart right up to the trash can for him. She got the cart aimed at the store and all he could see was their car parked conveniently next to the cart stall. Amanda came around in front of him and leaned down, both of her eyebrows raised and asked gently “Do you want to talk about … that?” John simply shook his head and said “Never.”

New Chapterrrrrr! Its a little shorter than the others, but its meant to be the one where Jackie realizes he is in a new world and past the point of no return, so its short to help emphasize this and other strong feelings. This one also has some graphic descriptions in the beginning, but nothing too bad. I hope you enjoy! Chapter 3 Dark blue waves crashed and collided with my head. I felt a swirling, tingling sensation similar to sitting next to a hot tub jet just over my entire body. I can't thoroughly describe what dematerializing feels like, but the sensation rushing over my entire body felt like It At the height of this strange feeling, I felt myself lean at the crux of non-existence. Then, like I was on a rollercoaster, I fell into nothingness. A pure, dark purple void swallowed me whole. I felt weightless. There were no aches in my body, none of the discomfort that I didn't realize I had existed in this timeless moment. It was utter bliss. I felt nothing but my thoughts. The emptiness wasn't negative in any way. No burdens except the ones I gave myself existed now. My body expanded and contracted, but I didn't feel it; no, I didn't want to feel it. Being able to control every aspect of my being gave me pleasure, but the world I floated in began to change and shift brightly. I felt a sudden sharp, ear-piercing pinch on my shoulder. My nerves reacted violently as flesh tore from my spine. I couldn't scream, and I couldn't cry. The nothingness started to feel like a burden. My mind screamed. It screamed until it hurt to think. My neurons fired brightly as if attempting to sear a hole through my skull. All the pain that I thought I lost came back tenfold, and it hurt like I was resting my skin on the sun. I felt every single nerve in my body at the same time as my muscles contracted and convulsed. I became incredibly sweaty. The wetness seeped through every pore on my body. I closed my eyes as if on instinct and everything stopped. My nervous system felt like it just had been reset. I wanted to scream, but I didn't feel the urge anymore. ‘All my pain was gone?’ I thought to myself. I felt like I was back in that void again, except now I was laying down in a hospital bed with bars surrounding me. When I attempted to move my muscles this time, it worked. I was able to move my arm up and down. I marveled at it, not because moving my arm was anything special, but because it felt so smooth and different. I tested the joints in my hands, and I felt no resistance as well. Not because I felt resistance before this point but because I was now realizing how much my joints struggled in the past. It was expected then, so now realizing how great I felt, I was baffled that I never realized how bad it was. Starting to regain more of my senses, I began to sit up. Still feeling a little achy though, I took it slow and tried my best to feel around me. The bed I was in was incredibly comfortable, and as I sat up fully, I only now realized the dark nursery I laid in. There seemed to be other cribs, and I now realized I was in one too. I started to feel around me more, noticing the incredibly soft pastel blankets. They felt warm and inviting, and I just snuggled deeper into them. I was distracted suddenly though when I heard a crinkle. Thinking that it was the mattress, I didn't pay it any mind, but now I realized it was instead around my waist. I licked my lips as the feeling started returning to my face, and the warmth spread to my nose. Though unlike the pleasant feeling I felt with my lips, my nose twitched as I smelt a putrid smell. Thinking it was somewhere else, I tried to ignore the smell, but as I moved to get away from it, the smell followed. My butt squished on the mattress as I felt something strange cling to my skin under my diaper. I stopped moving altogether, feeling disgusted in my now-realized state. ‘Did I really shit myself!?’ I thought? I wouldn't dare move an inch as the entire sensation was incredibly unpleasant. I needed to call for someone to help, and looking over to my right, I heard some snoring coming from another crib. “Hello…?” I tried calling out quietly, but I surprised myself with how loud I sounded. I squeaked in shock at how my voice also sounded much higher pitched than before. I tried calling out again on my hands and knees, but this time quieter. “Hellooo?” I succeeded in being quieter, but nobody seemed to hear or care that I was calling for their attention. I was about to speak again, but I saw a small green light flash in the corner of the room. Looking at it, I thought it looked like a camera, but I wasn't sure. I didn't have much time to think about that though, because one of the doors opened and the bright light disturbed me from the peaceful darkness. My eyes watered a bit from the uncomfortable intrusion, but I adjusted to it quickly. The crib bars to my side shot down, surprising me, and that's when I saw a woman dressed in something between a nurse's outfit and a nanny. I tried opening my mouth, but the strange woman quickly put a large bulb in it. I looked at her with fear and felt really uncomfortable in the current moment, a lot of that being attributed to my supposed messy diaper. She didn't ask for my permission though, because I quickly felt my world leave my feet, and I was lifted up a long distance. I squeaked and quickly put my arms around the woman, feeling more scared of falling than of her currently. She made sure to support me where she wasn’t putting any pressure directly on my bottom, something that I was very gracious of. She carried me out of the room and towards the bright light. The woman closed the door behind us, and then before I had any time to see where we were going, she took me into a private room to the side. She placed me down on a padded table of some sort, and I realized we were in some weird-looking bathroom. “Wew awe weh?” I tried speaking, but it came out more muffled behind the thing in my mouth. The strange woman giggled, then took the strange bulb out of my mouth, me now realizing it was a pacifier. “You're at the hospital, sweetie.” She laid me back, the mess shifting uncomfortably under me. “I pooped myself?” I surprised myself by saying. The lady only responded by giggling. “Yes, you did! Don't worry though, Nurse Elly will make sure you're nice and clean.” I pouted. “I didn't mean to go… Was I asleep?” I questioned. Nurse Elly responded, “You've been out for a couple of days hun. It's okay you had an accident; that's expected.” There was so much to unpack with that sentence, and upon hearing I've been out for multiple days, I completely ignored the last part of what she said. I began to dissociate, my breathing became shallow and fast as my heart rate began to rise. Nurse Elly seemed to notice this though, because she quickly put the pacifier back in my mouth. My first instinct was to spit it out, but as I unconsciously sucked on it, and I became incredibly calm. I self-soothed in a way I never had before, and I had to admit, it felt great. My cheeks became rosy though as I realized how much I was enjoying such an embarrassing thing, and I tried to stop sucking on it. Nurse Elly didn't notice though, and she continued with the diaper change as what seemed to be normal. She was extremely efficient and practiced at this, and I almost admired it, but quickly shook my head as I realized what I was admiring. She stopped after she had the new diaper under me and looked down at me. “What's wrong?”. I didn't respond. She shrugged to herself and continued the change as normal, rubbing something into my groin before applying powder and taping it up snugly around my waist. “Where are we…?” I blurted out quietly. “You asked that already.” She stated, chuckling a little. I gave her a look, and she sighed. “You're not on earth anymore, you're in Libertalia.” I looked at her with disbelief, but the change in size and what I'd been feeling led me to believe her more than I otherwise would. “Like on another planet?” I questioned. “You're in another dimension.” She stated way too casually.

Wearing a pink with white pleats onesie and a white pleated skirt with pink tights and a rears princess on

That was very similar for me. She made sure she showed her friends the wet sheets whenever she had the chance. She would also come into my room with her friends when I was still sleeping or in bed and point out that I was wet. My mom first just let me wet the bed and would wash the sheets (rubber sheet over the mattress), but in the last 2 years of my wetting the bed she got a job and started to put me into diapers because she didn't have the time to wash my sheets. Being put into diapers after dinner really sucked since I was in the diapers for a few hours before bed time, and my sister was really good at pointing out to her friends that I was wearing diapers.

My sister used to find it a great source of amusement that her older brother wet his bed and made sure it was no secret.

I pretty sure John's younger sister wet her bed also but when I was in their room once I didn't see anything that looked like she did. John's parents definitely didn't believe in using diapers, when we camping with them they both just peed their sleeping bags. In the morning their wet sleeping bags would be hanging on clothes line for use the next night.

Hey, no I never did join the wetset forum, I was actually surprised that the username wasn't already taken when I signed up today. I chose the name because I will never forget the little magazine, it's what made me realise I wasn't alone in this, that others enjoyed water sports and most of all wearing diapers. My life changed the day I found the mag on the shelves 😘

Just a few more examples of what you can get "off the rack" at Hot Topics

Who’s a smelly girl? It’s Kori! Uh-ohs, boom-booms, or squishies. Assigning a childish name is fun for us, but it only makes the experience of a dirty diaper that little bit more humiliating for our big baby girls (if that’s even possible). Most of us have seen and smelled enough dirty diapers that we barely bat an eye anymore, but it sure seems like our little ones are only a little bit more comfortable in them now than they were at the start. The only difference is that now they might be able to sort of keep their composure for a little while. With those first few messy diapers, it was anyone’s guess how our babies would react. As part of our series where we learn more about our babies through the story of their first dirty diaper, we recently sat down with Anna, Baby Kori’s older sister/mommy, who was kind enough to take us through the story of Baby Kori’s first time messing her pants. What was happening the first time that Baby Kori had a messy diaper? Well, first, I’ve got to say, I really never expected this to happen. Even up to the moment that it did. So it was a total surprise to me, even though maybe I should have seen it coming. I guess maybe Kori had been living with me for a year or so by then. When she’d graduated college, she’d moved back in with our parents for what was supposed to be just a little while while she looked for a job. That’s of course pretty normal, but she never really did the work. My parents were getting concerned after about 6 months, so they started monitoring her progress a little more closely. It turned out she basically wasn’t applying for anything and was just hanging out all day until she could see her friends from high school and college at night (after they’d gotten off work, of course). That certainly didn’t go over too well with my parents, but Kori was ultimately able to convince them that she was just lacking in confidence. So they helped her get connected with an advisor who helped her with her resume and with finding jobs. That got her some interviews, but she seemed to fail to impress every time that she got one. I really don’t know if this is fair or not, but she never seemed too upset about that when it happened, which didn’t make my parents any happier with her. Eventually they decided that she needed to be doing something for work, even if it wasn’t necessarily something that used her degree, and they had arranged through a friend to get her a job at the local convenience store. Kori was reluctant, but it was explained to her that if she didn’t want to work there, she’d have to find another job, and my parents said they wouldn’t be helping her out with spending money any more so she wouldn’t be able to go out with her friends anymore if she didn’t take the job. So she took the job. She told our parents that things were going fine, but after about three weeks she came home and said she’d been fired. It turns out that pretty much since day one, she’d been a nightmare employee. It was just a small shop, so most of the time she’d be the only person on duty during her shift. She of course was supposed to ring out customers, but she was also expected to keep the shop clean and the shelves stocked. Which really shouldn’t have been hard to do over the course of a shift in a shop that size. But instead she was just sitting on her phone the whole time, to the point that sometimes she barely even looked up when a customer came up to the register. At first her boss thought maybe she just didn’t know, but after a few weeks he started to look at the security footage and saw how bad it was. He told her that even though she was the daughter of friends, if he saw another day like that he’d have to fire her. And, of course, even knowing that she’d been just as lazy the next day, and he’d been left with no choice but to follow through. That was a real wake-up call for my parents, and that was when they called me. I live about three hours away from them, and far away from any of her friends. We all figured that maybe she was a little spoiled living at home, since she was still able to see her friends regardless of whether she had a job. Maybe sending her out here without some of the distractions would help her finally make an effort, since getting a job would probably be the only way she’d be able to make friends or be able to afford to go out to meet people. Kori wasn’t too happy about that. I’m about four years older than her, so while we never really fought much, we weren’t incredibly close either, and we hadn’t lived with each other full time since I’d gone to college about ten years before. So, I don’t think it sounded fun to her. But that was kind of the point! Anyways, I have a good job that lets me work from home and pays well, so I had plenty of room in my house. And my parents agreed that they’d pay half of my rent for a year, so any money that Kori earned she could save up so that she could eventually move out if things went well. We set Kori up with another local employment specialist, and I made sure that she met with them regularly and was applying for jobs. Sometimes I basically had to force her to. Eventually I made a rule that she had to apply for at least 3 jobs in a week before she was allowed to use her video games. I’ve got nothing against video games, but if you let her it would be all she would do. I caught her lying to me about that once, so I had to make her physically show me the completed applications in order to get her console out of my office. It was harder to keep her off her phone, but I tried my best. The gap in employment was probably starting to hurt her, but she still landed a few interviews. I honestly had to help her get dressed for them, because she seemed like she cared so little. She’d borrow my car to go, and she’d come home and just say that they went fine, and they never seemed to go anywhere after that. Finally, I think she came up with what she thought was a pretty good way to get us all off of her back. I think she saw on Facebook that someone was doing one of those multi-level marketing schemes selling cosmetics or something, and had the idea that she could get into that and say that she had a job. I told her in no uncertain terms that it was a terrible idea (especially for someone with no work ethic), but she had just enough money still from her last job to buy into it, so I couldn’t really stop her from doing it. And sure enough, while she claimed she had a job, I literally don’t think she ever made a sale, or even made any posts to make one. At this point, I was really frustrated with Kori. She’d been with me for like 8 months, and while she was sort of my roommate, I felt more like her babysitter, and I think she kind of felt the same way. She didn’t cook anything, she didn’t really clean up, and she was always kind of annoyed with me. Now that she had “a job,” I kind of gave up a little bit, figuring it was best not to waste my energy worrying about a problem that she didn’t even want to fix. I tried to at least come up with some sort of scheme to get her to do some chores, but she seemed fine with losing some privileges to not have to do any work, which was pretty much expected at that point. What really broke me, though, came a couple months later. I was working one day and she was playing video games in her room, like usual. I got suspicious when she started putting her bedsheets into the wash, which was something she never did, and especially not when she’d been up for a couple of hours already. I asked her about it, and she was clearly hiding something, so walked over and took a closer look. It turned out that balled up with her sheets was her underwear and her sweatpants, and they were wet with pee! I pushed her to find out what happened, and she said that she’d been playing a game online that she couldn’t pause or she would let other people down, and she’d had an accident. I was shocked! First of all, when did she ever care about letting other people down? And second, she was so lazy that she had peed herself? I called my parents and I was just so mad. Finally, I told them and Kori that if that ever happened again Kori was in for major consequences. I was not having her ruin my guest bed because she was too into her video games to get up! Of course, I assumed it would never come to that, because I was dealing with an adult. And for a while it seemed like I was right. But then, I don’t know, maybe a month or two later, it happened again! I was honestly just as shocked, but I did have a clear plan. Before her sheets were even clean, I went out to the store and came home with the biggest pack of adult diapers I could find. I was going to knock this out of her for once and for all! And so I told Kori that if she was going to be so lazy that she would pee her pants like a baby, then for the next two weeks she’d be wearing diapers and then we could see if she was ready for a little more responsibility. I think she could tell how mad I was, so she didn’t really struggle too much when I put the first one on her. And just like that, suddenly I had my sister in diapers. What do you remember about when Kori actually messed? So, the thing is, I still never expected that she would ever be in a messy diaper. Once she was in the first diaper, I sort of kept yelling at her for a little bit. I told her how I had already shared my plan with mom and dad and how they’d totally agreed that if she had peed herself again because she was too lazy to quit playing video games, that she totally deserved this punishment. We were all so sick of it. She’d been freeloading off of us for two years now, and not only that, now she was so lazy that she couldn’t even go to the bathroom? So I was yelling at her because I really was mad at her, but also because I was hoping maybe I could finally shame some sense into her. And she did seem pretty upset. So once I was finally done, I just sort of tailed off and told her to come find me when she needed a change, and then I finally went back to work. Then the real shock came. About 45 minutes later, I was just finally getting back into my focus for work and then she came into my office. That basically never happened, so I knew something was up. When I turned around I could see that her face was really red too, so I suspected that she’d already wet herself, which was kind of amazing, since she’d only been in the diaper for about an hour. But, she’d shown that she would choose to wet her pants rather than quit her video game, so I wasn’t too surprised that she wasn’t as embarrassed as she should have been about using her diapers. “What?” I asked. My theory was that this should be as embarrassing as possible if it was going to work at all, so I wanted her to have to ask me for a change. “I need a change,” she said. “Did you really pee that much already?” I asked. “These can hold a lot more than your undies could.” She was squirming now, like I’d intended. “I…I didn’t just pee.” “Oh my God, are you kidding me, Kori?” I said. “Get over here!” She gingerly trudged over from the door to my desk, and as she got closer to me, I could smell that she wasn’t lying. It was foul! Once she got there, I spun her around, and even though I didn’t really have to, I pressed against her stinky butt to confirm, which caused her to visibly recoil and groan with discomfort. At this point, I was sort of in shock. I wanted to portray authority, but at the same time I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t have any plan for how to react the way I had when she had wet herself earlier. After a minute, I finally just said what was on my mind. “I can’t believe you pooped yourself! You’re even more pathetic than I thought!” She was like “What do you mean, Anna? You said I had to wear diapers for two weeks and come to you when I needed a change!” “I didn’t mean for pooping!” “How was I supposed to know that?” “You didn’t even ask? You just thought, ‘ok,’ and then you pooped yourself? You didn’t even complain when you thought I was making that the rule! Maybe you thought that was what the rules should be for you?” “Anna, I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” “No, I think you’ve proven already that you should be using your diapers for everything.” I’d already made up my mind that if she was so lazy that she was going to mess herself without even fighting me or fighting to hold it for more than 45 minutes, then she didn’t deserve any better. “Anna, I –“ “No, Kori, I think you’re in enough trouble already. You amaze me with your laziness every single day. Now I need to think for a minute, because clearly my punishment didn’t bother you that much, so I’m going to need to come up with more.” “No!” “Enough!” I said, getting out of my chair and grabbing Kori by the wrist. I pulled her into an empty corner of my office. “Stand here, and don’t you dare move before I come get you! If you do, you won’t want to know what you’ll get!” I hoped I sounded confident, because I didn’t have a plan yet. I grabbed my computer from my desk and went out to the kitchen. I could still see into my office where Kori was in the corner, but this way I didn’t have to smell her. I sent my boss a quick note that I had a family thing and would need the rest of the afternoon off, and then I went into brainstorming mode to try to figure out what I could possibly do to try to break her laziness, or at least to make it so that if she didn’t stop being so lazy should wouldn’t be able to live the good life while the rest of us took care of all the actual work. Obviously, you know where this is headed. The first decision that I made was that if she was going to be messing her diapers, she might need something a little better than what I got her at the pharmacy. So I googled adult diapers, and the options out there that were targeted at adult babies were totally eye-opening, and once you see those you can really quickly find a lot of other things. I moved a little further away from my office so that Kori couldn’t really hear me and called up my parents and told them what had happened and what I was thinking. They totally got what I was saying, and thought that my plan was a reasonable consequence for her actions and presented a reasonable way for her to either earn some trust back through some real effort or else a way to keep her from resting on her laurels. So we reached an agreement where I would start paying my full mortgage again, but they would help me make changes to Kori’s room and would pay for diapers, clothes, food, and other supplies for as long as Kori needed them. So now all that was left to do was to tell Kori and to get started. You make that sound simple! How did Kori react to everything? Haha, yeah. The best thing that I had going for me was her diaper. It had probably been at least an hour and a half that she’d been standing in the corner, and by the time I got back in there, you could see she was squirming quite a bit. The whole office smelled pretty horrendous. When I walked in, I was much more confident than when I left, because I knew what my role was going to be and what I had to do to take charge. And even though I knew she wasn’t going to like it, her reaction to being put into diapers had me pretty sure that the fight back would be way less than I would have otherwise expected. She heard me and pretty much immediately turned around when I entered, which I’d expected. And, as planned, I asserted myself immediately. “Did I say you could turn around? Do you want to start again?” I asked. And she was like, “No, Anna, please!” Then I said, “Alright, I’ll let you off the hook this once, but you are going to have to do a much better job of following instructions, ok?” She said something like “I’ll do whatever you say, I promise.” “Good girl,” I said. I could see she caught what I called her, but I kept going. “Start by coming right over here while I explain the rest of your punishment.” I sat back in my office chair and patted my knee. I don’t think she liked that idea, but she could tell that she had better not test me right away, so she walked over. As slowly, and as lightly as possible, she started to ease herself onto my lap. I grabbed her hips and sped that process up for her. She scrunched up her face in disgust as the poop smushed against her butt. “Oh, does that not feel good?” I said in a mocking coo. “Well, if you really don’t like it and you actually don’t want to poop and pee your pants all the time, which it kind of seems like you do based on your recent actions, then you’d better listen closely to the rules and then you’d better work harder to follow them then you’ve ever worked at anything, got it? And you had better thank me, mom, and dad that you even have a chance, because all of us agree that you don’t deserve much of anything from us with how much you’ve been mooching off of us.” “Thank you! I’ll be good!” she practically begged. “We’ll see about that,” I said. “Now, are you ready for the rules? “Can you change me first?” she squeaked out. She sounded so timid that I knew I was going to have no real fight from her. At least not today. It seemed important not to be lenient in the slightest, especially this early, so I wasn’t. “No,” I said, “I think you’ll do a better job listening to me if you know that you’ll only get out of your poopy diaper once I’m satisfied that you are crystal clear about what the rules are.” “Now, I want you to remember that this punishment is because of how lazy you have been for the last two years. You were too lazy to get a job, so you just let me and mom and dad support you all the time like you were a kid, not a college graduate. And you were too lazy to stop playing video games, so you peed on yourself like you were a three-year old or something. And then you were too lazy to even ask if you could poop on the toilet when I put you in diapers, like you were just a baby who needed them.” She started to open her mouth to complain or respond, but I stopped her. “Shush, I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you to answer me.” She stopped in her tracks. She’d never seen this side of me before, and really, neither had I, but I was liking it. “When you pooped your pants earlier, it made me realize that we have not been being fair to you all this time. We’ve been trying to get you to get a job and make money so that you can move out on your own, but you weren’t ready for that responsibility. You weren’t ready for the responsibility of doing even basic chores around the house. And, it seems you weren’t even ready to be trusted to stop what you were doing long enough to make it to the toilet.” “So, from now on, we’re only going to give you the level of responsibility that you have shown you can handle. And since you can’t handle the responsibility of going to the toilet right now, you’re going to start with no responsibilities at all.” Kori looked confused now, but I knew that continuing would take care of that. “For at least the next three months, you’ll be treated exactly like a baby. I’ll explain exactly what that means in a minute, but what you need to know right this second is that in order to prove that you’ve gotten over your laziness and you deserve another chance, you’ll need to convince me at all times that you’re just a perfectly behaved, happy, active little baby girl. Your only responsibility will be to play with the toys and do the activities I set up for you so enthusiastically that you’re visibly worn out by the end of the day from how much energy you’ve expended.” “If you do that successfully, we’ll add in the responsibility to go to the potty again. And if you master that, then we’ll replace some of your playtime with chores. Assuming that you start to take that initiative too, then we can start to get you looking for a job again and eventually you will have earned the independence to not have to keep me satisfied with your work ethic any more.” “Now, I’m about to explain the rules that you’ll live by for the next three months as a baby, but first, I need to hear you explain to me what your punishment is and what you have to do in order to earn your place back.” Kori had been looking on in horror, which I assume was at the news that she would live as a baby, but given that she already knew she’d be in diapers, maybe it was at the idea of having to work in order to get out of them. Now that I put her on the spot, she started blushing. “Umm…I have to be a…to be a baby…and I have to work really hard to convince you that I really am a baby in order to get to have more responsibility.” “And why do you have to be a baby?” I asked her. I was still going for maximum embarrassment. “Because I’ve been lazy and I haven’t tried hard enough to have any responsibilities.” “Good. You at least sound like you know what you’ve done, which is a start.” “Now, let’s get into the rules. You’ll start following these immediately. We’ll need to get you some things, obviously, but mom and dad are already ordering them and, in the meantime, you’ll do your best to follow whatever modifications I say. Got it?” Kori just nodded. “Obviously, the first thing to know about being a baby is diapers. All babies wear and use diapers, and until you earn the right to try to be a big girl again, so do you. You don’t really seem to mind wearing diapers all that much, but if I ever catch you trying to take your diaper off, change your diaper, or sneak off to the potty, then your good behavior time will automatically go back to the beginning and it will double. So right now that would mean six months that you’d have to convince me every single day that you were the most active baby in the world, instead of the 3 it is now. Understood?” She sort of sighed back, “Yes, I know. I won’t mess with them.” “And that brings us to talking. Babies don’t really talk much, do they? So you will only speak if I directly ask you a question. And if I do, you will only say ‘yes, mummy,’ or ‘no, mummy,’ in a nice, high-pitched little girl’s voice. Let’s practice, shall we? Babies don’t talk much, do they, Baby Kori?” “No,” Kori answered, but if it was higher pitched it was only barely so. “That’s not good enough at all. That sounded like it came from a big girl, and if I hear that again then you can forget about today counting towards your good behavior. Let’s start again. Besides, did you already forget that polite little girls always say mummy when their mummies ask them a question?” She had already been red before, but her face really flushed then. I had suspected that she’d been hoping to avoid calling me mummy, and her reaction seemed to confirm it. Still, my threat had motivated her, and in a much more ridiculous voice she choked out, “No…Mummy.” “That’s better! Maybe someone does want to get out of diapers after all! But, of course, good babies never complain or say anything about their diapers at all, do they? Just ‘yes, mummy,’ and no, mummy.’ Isn’t that right, Baby Kori?” I saw her recognition that I’d just added a rule (and one she could tell she wouldn’t like). But she knew better by now than to fail to respond. “Yes, mummy,” she squeaked. “Soon we’ll get you a pacifier too. That should help you remember to be quiet. Once that is in your mouth, it only comes out when I take it out. Do you understand?” “Yes,” she said, far too normally for me to let slide. “Well, I guess today won’t be counting for your three months if you are going to keep talking like a big girl. We can start again tomorrow with your count. You haven’t earned it by trying hard enough to act like a baby today, isn’t that right, Baby Kori? “Yes, mummy,” she said, catching on once more. I was quite enjoying making her confess her shortcomings, and especially in this new baby talk. “Let’s see, what else?” I continued. “Oh, of course, playing! Most of the time, when you are playing there aren’t really major rules for how you play with a toy. You will just need to show me that you are really engaged with them. Just sitting and holding a doll won’t be enough. If you have two dolls, I expect you to be making them play together. You still can’t use big girl words unless I speak to you, but I should be hearing little squeaks and squeals of you pretending they are talking to each other. And unless I specifically direct you to an activity where you need to be standing, I expect you to play either sitting down on your bum or crawling around. Is that understood? “Yes, mummy,” she said, not dropping character this time. “Good girl! If you do this right I think you’ll actually come to love your toys!” Kori gave me a skeptical look. Frankly, I was also skeptical, but if she was going to actually succeed, she’d be wise to try to convince me that she actually had grown to love them. “Other than that, there aren’t too many rules that you need to worry about following because I’ll make sure that you do. You’ll have lots of pretty baby clothes, but I’ll be the one dressing you so you won’t need to worry about that. You’ll have to eat baby food and drink bottles, but I’ll be the one making your food and feeding it to you so you won’t need to worry about that either. You’ll have a behavior chart in your room that we will check on every night, but I’ll be in charge of updating that, so you won’t need to worry about it. And you’ll have a bed time and a nap time, but you should be so tired that your only worry will be whether or not you fall asleep on your own before then. Any questions?” Kori’s face had really screwed up at the mention of the baby food, but I’d made it clear that I wasn’t making room for negotiation, so she dutifully squeaked “no, mummy.” “Good girl,” I said. “Would Baby Kori like me to change her poopy diapy now?” I bounced her on my knee in case she needed any reminder of the state of her bum. “Yes, Mummy!” Kori couldn’t hide her desperation, even if answering that way left her blushing after she said it. What was the change like? Yeah, so I took her back to her room. Actually, I made her crawl back to her room. It wasn’t really that far, and I don’t always make her do that even now, but I was trying to emphasize “baby” as much as I could early on, especially since I didn’t have many supplies yet. When I got there, I didn’t have a changing mat yet, so I just had to grab an old towel and have her lay on her back on the floor. I gathered up the wipes, powder, and another diaper and then came over and knelt down to do the job. Even though Kori had just been on my lap in the diaper for the last 20 minutes, I don’t think I was quite ready for the moment when I opened the diaper. The smell wasn’t too much worse than it had been, but my god was she filthy. These days I am actually used to worse because everything is much mushier from all the baby food and dairy, but back then I was shocked to see that the logs of poop had all smeared into a brick that filled her crotch and her crack, with some of it starting to get dried onto her skin. I remember that after I took it all in I couldn’t really help myself, so I said “You’re a filthy, stinky little girl, aren’t you, Baby Kori?” She skipped a beat, but eventually she choked out a “Yes, Mummy.” It wasn’t really loud enough to allow her to get high-pitched, but I could tell she had tried so I let it slide. From there, I just grabbed her two ankles and lifted her up and got to work. It’s pretty invasive to have someone wipe your butt, but she didn’t flinch at all. She just laid back and took it. I guess maybe she was just that desperate to be clean, but it was another time where she seemed to accept things with less fight than anticipated. So I’d say five minutes later and she was into diaper number two of what she now knew was going to be at least three months’ worth. Does anything else stand out? I mean I know I already said this, but it’s so obvious looking back now that she’d still be in diapers years later. She just was so not worried about going back into diapers, and even being told she was a baby just didn’t cause the fight back you’d expect to see in other people. And sure enough, she mostly behaves herself. She’s more or less accepted the rules since day one. She’ll throw a tantrum sometimes when I point out to her that she hasn’t tried nearly hard enough and that she’s going to have to start over, but I just put her to bed early or something and the next morning she always gives much better effort. Her problem is that she can never string that effort together. I don’t think she’s ever even made it a month and a half or so, not to mention three. (And she owes me six now, but that’s a different story!) I expected her to be too lazy to get out of diapers, I just expected her to be more upset about it. But me and my parents were right – she really is too lazy for any responsibility and being a baby is just right for her.

T-bars & Saddle shoes.

Like someone else said, trial and error. For me it's now easy as I've been wearing"girls" clothes for a long time. Shopping is even easier as no would guess that a middle age guy would be shopping for himself in the girls dept and returns are easy-peasy. While I'm lucky enough to be able to wear off the rack from the girls dept there are still some things that don't fit. Look for stretch fabrics and loose fitting sleeves. If it's a dress be sure the waist has stretch and remember your torso (like mine) is longer than the average tween girl and the clothes are designed as such. Skirts and tops are sometimes a better option. I've become addicted to leggings and Walmart and Target have some of the cutest prints... Here is a pair with Pampers Cruisers...

I shop Target, Walmart and JCP mostly. Found some real cute stuff. I shop the girls dept. Here are some of my finds...

Was the rubber bed sheet more comfortable compared to regular bedsheets?

Chapter 28 “How was your day,” Amanda asked with Jamie on her hip. She could tell by his expression that the answer wasn’t good. He looked gloomy, slumped over and not holding eye contact. He responded by burying his cheek in the space between her arm and her body, leaning against and taking comfort in how soft she was. This part of being a little Jamie could accept. He didn’t want to deal with his emotions, so he decided to be sullen and let someone else do the emotional heavy lifting, namely taking care of him. “I’m sorry, buddy.” She got him buckled in, and Jamie didn’t notice where they were going. “I got something that might you feel better, at least on the outside. Remember what we talked about? A massage? Remember?” Jamie didn’t respond. “Well, I scheduled one for us. Won’t that feel good … well, it will.” She pulled up to some chain massage place and took Jamie from his seat along with his diaper bag. A woman working the front desk greeted her, speaking in an affected soothing voice over the sound of recorded nature. The babbling brook made both of them need to pee, but only Jamie got to. “Webb. We have an appointment for a mama and little massage.” “Yes! We talked this morning. You’re lucky we had a cancellation. Normally we’re booked a couple weeks out. Please follow me.” The receptionist led them through a dimly lit hallway into a dimly lit room with a little and a big sized table. A small stereo was playing different nature sounds, and the room smelled of a mixture of lotions and artificially scented candles. Amanda didn’t care that the place looked cheesy. She was content just to know the masseuses were licensed and the place had decent Welp reviews. “Your masseuses will be in shortly. If you don’t mind, you could please make sure he’s in dry underpants, and the two of you can get settled under the sheets.” Amanda quickly changed Jamie. She knew sometimes people were sad or angry or stressed or upset and didn’t want to talk about it. That had never been Jamie’s problem though. She wondered what could have happened at daycare to put him in this funk, sure that if it was something obvious like a fight or bullying or something of that kind, Diane would have told her. Dressed only in a clean diaper, Amanda put Jamie on her should and folded down the sheet, then running her fingertips up and down his back the way he always liked. Funk or not, the kiss of her nails in the small of his back made him shudder. “This is gonna make both of us feel real good, baby,” she said and kissed on the temple. “And then we’ll figure out the rest from there. Promise.” She laid him between the sheet, then remembered his second pacifier in the diaper bag. His lips parted as she offered it to him. Amanda undressed to her own underwear and got beneath the sheet. A few seconds later there was a knock. “We’re ready,” Amanda said just over a speaking voice. Two women came in and exchanged a few words with Amanda. In minute, Jamie’s and Amanda’s backs were exposed, the sheets tucked into the top of the underwear, and gently scented oil was spread on both of them. One of the women leaned down to Jamie and said, “Sweetie, can you tell me if it hurts?” Jamie nodded. “Okay. You just tell me if you want it softer or harder.” She began by rubbing her hands up and down either side of his spine, warming her hands and starting to loosen his back, then switching to be on his side and moving her hands briskly in opposite directions across the width of his back, starting to pull everything apart. Once his back was hot to the touch from the friction, she applied more oil and began to knead his muscles from his neck on down. When she reached areas with deep soft tissue, it felt good. When she reached areas with the soft tissue was shallow and she worked over bone, it hurt. “Harder,” Jamie said. The masseuse found trigger point after trigger point, releasing them like a fault line pulls at the earth. Jamie winced and held his breath through the worst parts, but he didn’t ask her to go lighter. She worked her way across his deltoids and down his upper arms, then gently laid them back at his side and pulled the sheet back up. She took the bottom of the sheet and folded it up so one leg was exposed, tucking the loose end under his hip. Through his diaper she dug into his glutes, working her hand outward to his hip. Jamie shuddered, the pleasure of her hands there catching him by surprise. She worked down his legs, through the large muscles of his thigh and then the thick muscle of his calf. It hurt, the calf. She reached his foot, and her hot hands took the chill from his sole, her kneading fingers and knuckles making his toes curl. She repeated the other side, lifted the sheet, and indicated for him to turn over. Starting back at the top, she dug into his ribs, getting at the muscle and fascia connecting each rib to the next. It hurt. She lifted an arms and worked her way from elbow to wrist, her hands holding his forearm in place while her thumbs pressed and pulled and twisted their way out, down and across. She shook his wrist gently, loosening his hand, and ten worked his palm before tenderly placing it back at this side. She then resumed working on his legs. He rolled back over again, and her fingers worked through his hair, kneading his scalp, and then his forehead; pinching the skins under his eyebrows; rubbing his cheek. A timer dinged. “Take your time getting up and getting him dressed, and ten you can go back out to the reception area.” It wasn’t a short massage, but it did go fast. The two women left. Jamie felt loose, relaxed, relieved. He sat up with is binky still in mouth and saw Amanda do the same. He’d seen her in a bikini but not topless. It didn’t excite him or shame her. She put her arms over her head in a stretch and yawned. Jamie felt like he could sit where was for a few more hours. Amanda stood and picked up Jamie, carrying him to the only chair in the room and resting him against her, his head over her shoulder, their skin still hot from the massage and smelling of lilac and lavender. Amanda had read about the importance of skin-to-skin contact in her littles books, but until today it didn’t seem necessary or natural. She leaned further back so that Jamie was lying flat against her, his cheek resting on her chest. She rubbed his back and hummed the same lullaby their mom sang. Jamie held none of his own weight, but he wasn’t slumped so much as limp, eyes closed and breathing slowly. After a few minutes, she looked down to see he was asleep. She got him redressed, then himself, and carried him to the receptionist. His masseuse was there. Jamie was out cold. They didn’t need to keep their voices down. “Awww. Just look at the little guy,” she cooed. “You did a good job, I guess.” “He’s full of knots and muscles that don’t want to move. You should think about doing this at home on a regular basis. He’s probably so used to feeling the way he does that he doesn’t know how bad all that feels.” “That doesn’t surprise. He carries a lot of stress.” “And it feels like it. He’s gonna have some bruises tomorrow. Make sure he gets plenty of water to flush all the toxins out.” Jamie slept through the car ride and woke when they got home. She carried the groggy boy inside and made him a bottle of formula he leaned against her in that halfway space between awake and asleep. “Buddy,” she said, “Buddy?” She brushed his cheek and he sighed. “Are you hungry?” “No. Can I take a nap?” “Of course.” She laid him in his crib, pulled his clothes off of him, and made sure he had his bottle and bear and binky, and then pulled his blankie up over his shoulders. She left the door open. ______________________________________________________________________________ “Hey, baby,” Becky said coming in the door. “Hey, Mom. We got another problem on our hands. Or, not a problem. Just another situation.” Becky set her purse down, concerned it had to do with the incident at the park. “What’s wrong,” she said, her voice hard and fast. “I don’t know. He hasn’t said.” They walked down the hall to his room. “He was subdued, to the say the least, when I picked him up, and he hasn’t said a word to me. We went the massage place and he feel asleep on me after, and we got home he asked to take a nap.” Becky approached him and put her hand to his forehead. “Does he not feel well?” “I don’t know.” “Has he been doing that the whole time?” “Crying in his sleep? For the last twenty minutes. Guess he’s having nightmares about something.” “And Diane didn’t say anything, or April?” “No. Nothing. I called Diane and she didn’t know what happened, if anything. Then she called April, who said Jamie was quiet after Ella left for the day but that nothing happened that she saw.” “I wonder if they got in a fight.” “Maybe. What do we do?” Amanda sounded worried and upset. Her instinct, as always, was to fix what was wrong. She was prepared for skinned knees, bumped heads, and hurt feelings. She was doing her best to be there for Jamie’s special needs. But until Jamie told her what it was, she couldn’t say or do anything. “Let him sleep. He’s gonna feel awful when he wakes up.” And Jamie did feel awful when he woke up, his eyes crusty and red, his sinuses overfull, his head aching. He stirred, and Becky and Amanda were both there, Amanda letting their mom do the emotional heavy lifting. “Hey, baby,” she whispered. “I bet you’d like a bath.” Jamie nodded weakly and pushed his arms out for Becky to lift him to his feet and pulled off his wet diaper before picking him up and running him a tub. Amanda went to make him a bottle of water and some cold medicine to help with his headache. Mom gently cleaned his face with a washcloth and had him blow his nose on it. She set it aside for a clean one and slowly scrubbed his body, peeling away the thin layer of massage oil on his skin. He drank from the bottle Amanda handed him. She looked pensive. He knew they were both waiting for an explanation, Becky, with twice the years in the world, looked more patient. “Sorry,” he said. “For making you worry.” “Don’t be sorry, baby.” “I just … I guess I needed to just let it suck for a little while.” “Are you ready now?” He nodded and swallowed. “Ella told me she’s a rescue.” At the word, Becky’s eye shut tight and her hand wrung the washcloth as she held her breath, finally letting out an exhale. Amanda’s lips quivered and her eyes watered. Not wanting to lose her composure in front of Jamie, she stepped into the hallway and sat down on the floor with her back against the wall. Jamie told the story. Becky nodded along with her eyes on the rim of the tub, not being able to look at Jamie as he used the words needed to describe it. Amanda put her arms around her knees and let silent tears out. It only took Jamie a minute to tell the story. He could see Becky was holding back to keep from letting more out than she wanted to in front of Jamie, afraid to set his tears off again. “You knew about this stuff in the world.” They must have. Jamie knew when he went to the agency the first time. Becky nodded. “It’s different, isn’t it?” Becky swallowed and asked, “What’s that, baby?” “When it’s someone you know. It’s different.” Jamie knew. He’d known since what felt like forever, since he knew the first one, and the hundreds since. Not ever like Ella, though. He wondered, had he abandoned his world to avoid becoming a bystander there, only to become a bystander here?

_________________________ Chapter 27 Rebecca was drying Jamie off after a bath, his second in less than half a day. She was being especially attentive. “Mom, can we have a boring day today?” “Heh. Yeah, sweetie, we can do that. Just wanna stay home?” “If we could, yes.” “Sure.” She carried him back into his room and set him on the changing table. She bent down and picked up the bunny outfit he’d discarded after Marsha had left yesterday. “Wanna wear this again,” she said with an earnest smile. “It’s ridiculous how cute you were in it.” “Maybe we should save it for special occasions. Like whenever I punch a 6-year-old in the face.” She folded it and put it away, then approached the changing table. Jamie laid back. “You feel bad about that?” She started getting Jamie into a new diaper. “More and more. It hurt bad enough to justify it at the time, but now that it doesn’t hurt I feel, I don’t know, at least sorry I did it.” She had his ankles up in the air and was applying cream to his butt. “Well, that’s because you’re a good person. Really. Not everyone, maybe not even most, would feel sorry for what they had to do to get out of that situation.” “Still…” “Still, his eye will get better a lot faster than your spine would have if he hurt you back there, which he was going to even if he didn’t mean to.” She got the diaper fastened and put Jamie on his feet. “You’re a little pink back there still. You need to get some air on there today. This afternoon.” Jamie blushed. “I … okay.” “Hey, Mom, when you get a sec can you come find me?” Amanda appeared in the doorway briefly and walked away. Not like her. Becky put a shirt on Jamie. “Why don’t you just hang in this for now? Need anything?” “No, I’m fine for right now.” Becky found Amanda upstairs in her mom’s room with the TV playing quietly. “Do we tell him?” She gestured at the screen. “Is that …” “National TV. And social media.” “Did they use his name?” “No. Mine neither, and everyone’s face is blurred out.” “Why is it on national TV?” “They deported that family last night. Turns out those bigs are important back in Ros.” “How important?” “Important enough that Ros is threatening to expel Itali businessmen living in Ros.” “Shit!” “The media won’t use names or show faces. Against the law since it involved a little.” “Still …” “Think we need to be worried about this?” “What else do they say about Jamie?” “Nothing. Just that a big child tried to carry him away, and the little punched him, and then his dad flew off the handle and his wanted Jamie punished in some way. ‘Injured’ is the word the news is using. ‘Injured’ in some way.” “They don’t mention he’s not regressed?” “I don’t think they know.” “Where did they even get the video?” “Woman who took it posted it on social media, and a local station picked it up; then when Ros threw their temper tantrum, I guess the local station reached out to the national.” “Did Ros say anything about Jamie?” “Not him specifically. About littles who hit bigs, they said it in diplomatic language. Why aren’t they barred from coming here?” “Money, probably. Usually the reason.” Amanda shook her head with disgust. People from a country that tortures littles allowed to come to Itali, and why? Cheap labor, cheap goods, cheap commodities? Who knew? “What if they want to do something to Jamie? Like, let the business people back in if Jamie is punished?” Becky sat down next to Amanda and put her arm around her. “Won’t ever happen, baby. Ever. It’s just people who think they’re tough trying to prove it.” “Do we tell Jamie?” “No, I don’t think so.” “And if he finds out on his own?” Becky hadn’t thought of that. He well may. “Maybe we tell him and make it sort of a joke, so he doesn’t get worried.” “He’s smart, Mom. Or did you not notice how perfectly he manipulated Marsha? He’ll decide for himself whether to be worried.” ______________________________________________________________________________ Jamie wasn’t worried. He knew if necessary the agency would get him out of the dimension, but more to the point, he doubted anything would come of any of it. Chest thumping politicians. Jamie didn’t know anything about Itali politics or who was even president, if they had a president, but he knew people. Politicians don’t back down when threatened by anyone except donors and 50%+1 voters, and the opposite was equally true. People clapping for him when he left the park made it plain that Italis wouldn’t accept any kind of quid pro quo that involved himself. The next day at daycare, Jamie found Ella had beat him there and was already sitting with her sketch pad. “Hey, Mr. International Incident,” she whispered. It freaked Jamie out that she knew. “How could you tell?” “I recognized your shoes.” “Well, please keep it to yourself.” “Don’t worry. I keep bigger secrets than this.” I know, Jamie thought. He leaned over to look at her drawing. “You’re drawing that again?” “Yeah.” “The one before looked perfect.” “They all look perfect. Want me to teach you?” Ella spent the next few hours teaching Jamie the basics of drawing, starting with basic shapes, lines, and how to create the illusion of depth. After three hours, Jamie had managed to draw a sphere. Just the one. “I wish I had learned to do this as a kid. I never could do anything creative.” “Everybody can do something.” “Well, that’s not true. But point taken. I guess I mean visual art. Or performing art. A talent you can show people and be proud of.” “Back there I’d probably be a graphic designer or technical illustrator.” “That wasn’t your goal?” “Hell, no! I wanted to be an artist, the kind that actually makes a living doing it. I’d probably have ended up the kind of artist who makes a living as a designer and who maybe has a booth at local fairs.” “So what did you do, before you came here?” “I was a student.” “You came here as a student, still in college?” “Yep. Want to work on the next step of learning to draw?” “Sure.” “Draw another four hundred spheres.” “What if I want to be a cubist?” That got a laugh out of Ella, a good one. She liked that Jamie was clever and could make her laugh. She didn’t seem the type to casually laugh. “You know art styles?” “A little. I’ve read books. Ya know, typical art history survey books. Hardly anything about any artist still alive.” “Probably read the same books.” “You ever get to see any of the things you read about? I never did. Never got to travel really.” Ella’s face took on a contemplative visage, and she looked away, remembering. “Once. ‘Travel makes men wiser, but less happy.’” “What?” “Thomas Jefferson said that.” Jamie wasn’t sure what she meant or why she’d quote that. “So … where did you go, the once?” She slid her sketchbook toward him in response. “There.” “Just there, or like, the whole city.” “The city.” “So …” She cut him off. “Saw all of the big museums there. Antiquity to the 21st century. Mostly classical period, renaissance, and baroque … funny, in that city nothing really took hold after that. Sort of frozen, like it just ended there.” Jamie was getting a little tired of her being cryptic. He was sure she didn’t meant to be, but she was. He tried an almost direct approach. “I’m surprised an agency accepted you when you were still in college.” She set her pencil down. “Why are you here, Jamie?” “I told you already.” “No, you told me why you to therapy.” “Same difference,” Jamie tried to beg off. Why don’t you just say ‘no,’ Jamie wondered. But he didn’t say it. “No, they are not.” “Lunchtime!” Jordan announced. “We’ll talk about it after nap time.” ______________________________________________________________________________ They went outside afterward and walked to the back of the field where they’d have some privacy. Ella led the way, walking faster than she usually did. “Why do you want to know,” he asked. “Because you do. You’ve been hinting at since the day after we met.” “I’m just … curious. You’ve been, kinda dangling it there, hinting at plenty of stuff yourself.” “Well, I’m not a mystery to be solved. If you want to ask, ask and I’ll decided whether to answer.” “Same.” Jamie wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so short tempered. So she hadn’t been doing it deliberately, but she was still leaving clues in every third sentence. Why would she unless on some unconscious level she wanted to talk about it? “So, I’m asking,” she said. Jamie sat down on the grass and Ella sat next to him. He told her his whole story, birth through the day he left. All of it. The hurt he suffered, the abuse, the anger, the grief, the hate he couldn’t not feel toward the people who hurt his kids, his inability to be a part of it anymore or worse, a bystander. “Well,” he asked when he was finished. “Will you tell me now?” Ella opened her sketchbook and thumbed through it to a random page, setting in front of Jamie without even looking at it. Same drawing, again. Jamie picked it up. “I don’t …” he started to say. “That’s the last thing I remember. Me and a friend, went to go see it together. That’s the last thing I remember from home.” She waited for him to say something, and she saw he didn’t understand, or at least didn’t yet. “I’m a rescue, Jamie.” Jamie hadn’t heard the term, but by context he could guess. “You …” “Were kidnapped. A few hours after being there. And when I woke up …” She turned away and moved her hair again, revealing the scar. She let hair fall and turned both arms upward, revealing faint scars on the inside of her elbows. She pulled her long dress up, showing the same on the backs of her ankles. She pulled her dress up further, showing her scars on her knees. “I can’t show you the others dressed … They didn’t want a little who could walk or sit up or move much. The rest they did with drugs.” “Bigs in …” “Humans. Kidnap and smuggle littles to the dimension, into countries agencies don’t work with and other countries won’t send littles to … I’ve been gone almost 12 years.” Jamie couldn’t guess what she was feeling. Her body language, her voice, her expression, all like she wasn’t on that field with him. He didn’t say anything, letting her decide on her own whether to keep going. “Best I can guess, I went out to get a drink after, and someone dosed it. I don’t know if my friend was with me or what happened to her … I just remember standing outside the place, and I started to draw it while we were waiting in line … and then we went in. That’s it. That’s where it stops… Then I woke up in this dimension. I only found out later I was in Aidu … Woke up, complete agony … No pills. And I couldn’t move, not for a year at least. And then just my arms. Not enough to hold anything heavy or pull myself up … They pumped me full of drugs that kept me from speaking, and when they wore off and I tried to say something they’d just hit me. Eventually they didn’t need the drugs anymore ... and almost all the time, they’re smiling at me, cooing at me, baby talking like they love me, like they did me a favor, like I’m supposed to enjoy this life, come to terms with it and realize it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to me ... like that’s how the story ends, everyone happy and loving each other, not in spite of what they did but because of it ... I don’t even know what you call that sickness.” “How did you escape,” Jamie asked just above a whisper. “I didn’t. A rescue group rescued me.” “And you’re afraid if they find you they’ll try to take you back?” She let out a laugh with no humor in it. “No. We’re disposable to them. Probably cried for an hour that their ‘baby’ was gone and went to go find some other victim. If they find me, though, they have a clue about the rescue group.” “It’s not governments?” “Rumor is that it’s funded by governments and they receive training from governments, but it’s militant abolitionists basically … Terrorists and thieves, they call them in those other countries … ‘Thieves.’ Not even ‘kidnappers’ … They won’t tell me all how they did it. I don’t even remember much of it, I was so doped up.” “They fixed …” “What they could. Even they can’t fix everything.” “Can you leave? Go home?” “I … yes.” “Why don’t you?” Ella didn’t respond for several minutes. “Medicine, at first. They can fix me better here.” “What now? ‘At first?’” She shrugged. “I’m safer here. No one kidnaps us from Itali … And … I’m not from there anymore. I can’t … I can’t be … I can’t just go back and live a normal life … I’m happy here; happy enough. I can’t just … what? What would I be back there now? How the fuck could I just go back and live like a person again? … It’s not in me anymore … She’s just a memory.” Jamie looked at the ground between his knees. “Your people?” “I don’t know. They must think I’m dead … They must’ve made peace with it by now … I did. This place … this is as good as starting over is gonna get … like resurrection … difference between you and me Jamie. You forgave the people who hurt you. I wish to god I had the chance to cut their fucking throats.” So do I, Jamie thought, it would be justice. And it would make sure they could never do it to anyone else. Jamie thought back on that Ros couple. He didn’t know what they deserved, what would happen because they were back home where they were the wronged party. What about the littles there? Would the propaganda make their lives even worse? Ella was right. This world wasn’t better than the one he left; it wasn’t worse, either. It was just a world, and Jamie lived in his piece of it, and for him it was good. For Ella, even, it was good, or least as good as she expected it could be and was willing to accept. “Is ‘Ellafaire’ your original name?” “No … ‘Ellafaire Jenkins.’ That’s me now.” “How’d you pick it?” “How’d you pick ‘Jamie.’ “Amanda did.” “’Ellafaire Jenkins’ is a name I saw on a tombstone in this park we’d go to when I was a kid … this little 19th century family cemetery on what used to be a farm, and now it’s inside the park, back in the woods on this trail … She was 22 when she died … I told my mom and dad I wished they’d named me that … I always thought it was a very pretty name … Now it’s mine.” “ELLA! STACY’S HERE!” Jamie shook his head, indicting himself for thoughtlessness. “I’m sorry. I … didn’t mean to pressure you into …” “You didn’t. Been a long time since someone could make me do something I didn’t want to do. So I guess I wanted to. You can tell yours bigs if you want. Just tell them not to spread it any further.” She started to stand, and Jamie jumped up and helped her. She looked at him without any readable expression, none at all. But Jamie recognized it. He’d seen it a handful of times, watched it come and go like a wave against a seawall. “You ever help me up again without me asking, and I will put you on your fucking ass.”

I wore diapers fulltime until I was 5 and continued wearing at night for bedwetting until I was 10. My mom always diapered me in the evening usually after my bath. I would go into my room and my mom would have my diapers and plastic pants laying on my bed with pins, diaper cream and baby powder on my dresser. She would make sure I was throughly dry and lay me on my bed and diaper me just like a toddler including applying ample amounts of diaper cream to my bottom. I was always double diapered for bedtime, so I would have this huge diaper bulge under my pjs for the rest of the evening. I would go to bed snug in my diapers and wake up wet every morning. During the weekends, I stayed in my wet diapers watching cartoons until my mom woke up and took off my diapers. I never diapered myself in my youth and it was always my mom, aunts or babysitters that diapered me.

Well, I wet all the time, and that would include bed time, so I guess I'm a bedwetter.