Reddy

I would NEVER believe that a year ago. One year ago December 5, I didn't know about the concept of this surgery in Mexico until a month later on Jan 4 when I saw the comment on this site mentioning the website, and I emailed them to ask about it. One month after first emailing them, I was in the operating room on Feb 12... it took FOREVER to wait. Now that sounds kinda fast from first hearing about on line... to operating table. No, I don't think I could get any control back. I have been doing the physical therapy, and I haven't made any progress. It seems hopeless. For someone who had this happen to them by accident, it would be very depressing and devastating. Basically no hope, and trapped in diapers forever. Well, that is my actual reality. I don't wish to undo it. It's becoming a basic part of me now because my subconscious knows I need diapers too now. I feel deeply incontinent, which I am now. Thank you for the appreciation 🙏 Sometimes I miss Guadalajara. It's a special place. And that hotel room. What a time.

Not sure it was the 2nd surgery or not... I had all these problems from the very first surgery though. It was very bad and got a lot better, but still problems. 2nd surgery was way way less invasive because it was just for the stricture. But I do think ED was worse after the 2nd surgery, hard to know if that's true or in my head. Part of it was probably temporary from the 2nd surgery and recovery, but not necessarily any "new" issues just a set back. As least that's how I think it should have been. There are apparently nerves that run over the front of the hips like on the waist on the front of you, there was some just pointing that out and tracing it and then releasing tissue around those to wake up the nerve. And some tissue releasing in the back of the legs, like hamstrings but starting from where it comes connects to the hips bones. Aside from that of course there is full pelvic exam to investigate muscle strength inside and out for a starting point and make sure things work correctly and are just weak.

There are stretches, kegel, and other things to strengthen mucles. For example you can strengthen tour hip side muscles (abductors) because even though they are on the outside of your legs they wrap around and fasten to the inside of your pelvis so it increases muscle bulking inside there. So, I am learning a lot. Yes, both strengthening and relaxation and he said the release of muscles and ability to relax them is 100% as important in the exercise as the strengthen motion. No I didn't say that I don't want to fix my incontinence for a few reasons. 1. I do want to see what it takes to fix my incontinence. What if I decide it's finally too much and I want to stop being incontinent? So I want to learn everything and strengthen the muscles so I can always stop being incontinent if I want to. However, I am finding out it does not fix my incontinence at all. So I think the complete damage and removals of sphincters is much more extensive for someone like me than for most anybody else, so it will not really work at all. 2. I want to fix my sexual functions, better orgasm, and fix ED, and libido. And, this is actually all of the same exact therapy targeted for this as it is for incontinence, so I am doing it the same therapy 100% anyways. 3. I don't want to tell him that because it is uncomfortable. And for above reasons, since I really want to actually do all of the work, put in the time and effort and fully understand it, there is no reason to tell him that and possibly confuse and derail the therapy. I wear comfortable sweatpants and t shirt (and obviously diaper since I would be soaking wet otherwise lol). But I have to take my diaper off when I am getting manual therapy, so about half of the appointments. There is plenty of towels and sheets put down so it is fine. And then I put a new diaper on.

Things are fine, life is busy and hard but that's okay, health wise totally fine, I dont have any pain and LUTS like I used to since puberty which is actually one of the most awesome parts about this. Diaper dependence is fine, I have gotten more used to it, it is still stressful and embarrassing but I have gotten a lot more used to it. No retention and no strictures so I just feel good. Although I should say no new stricture problems, I still have my stricture, but I don’t really thing about it because I don't pee consciously most of the time... my diaper just becomes wet... so I don't care or notice at all that my stream is really weak, if that makes sense. I am still not sure if I wet at night. I know I do a little bit, but it might just be from moving around or getting up in the night etc. Yeap it's a huge huge relief, now totally everybody knows I am incontinent, and I also know for sure it's not ever going away and I will always need diapers, so it all feels really stable now. There's nothing else left that could be a problem or have to stress about that isn't already addressed now. It's still stressful but never having to worry that it would become a really problem if I am crinkling too much or my diaper is too big and bulky, is a huge relief. It's still embarrassing, but there's no crisis or problem that can come of it anymore. Yeap I go to physical therapy, I did 4 appointments so I have 8 left, I go every week or two weeks. I am focusing on sexual functions and it is all the same exercises for regaining sexual function and regaining continence, so it doesn't really matter what you are there for, it just kind of helps everything a little bit if that makes sense. The appointments are really nice, he explains how stuff works and I learned a lot already, and he gives me exercises I have to do.

Now my parents know Im completely incontinent and have to wear diapers and this is the biggest relief I ever had in my entire life. I told them how I am incontinent from a surgery and how I had to get a second surgery from the stricture but overall it fixed my LUTS symptoms and pain and irritation and bladder retention which it did. And they agreed the artificial sphincter and mesh are a bad idea since my doctor himself didn't recommend it for my retention and that they just sounded risky and bad (but obviously I was never going to do that anyway) But they said keep going to physical therapy even though it didnt do anything yet since its still healthy anyway and it can't hurt. I agree with that and Im gonna keep going. It is all so much less stressful and everything is one million times easier to visit them now.

I dont want to get in politics but the election really bothers me this time everybody using incontinence and diapers as the worst insult they can make. It's really frustrating people think that way and say it too.

@Dribbler247 I am not sure about my bladder size, when I had urodynamics I think they said it was a normal capacity. I don't leak very much at night, but there is no gushing when I get up. The way it works with me there is never a gushing. If my bladder is full it will come out slowly if I am standing up or watching around. That's why I don't think I leak that much in bed, there is no gravity working on it. But peeing is drips or slow no matter what. The only thing that happens fast is if I randomly clench for some reason. Then a bunch of pee squirts out too. This is what happens when I am standing up or like outside all day, my bladder constantly leaks and it never has anything inside it at all, it's only when I sit down or go to bed it will start to fill up.

@mirrored Thanks, I remember your posts and glad to hear from you. I have to say, now that you remind me I do NOT miss the intermittent pain and LUTS that I had. That sucked. I still believe the damage I did with the staple in my urethra as a kid caused some kind of problem and everything being scraped out probably gave everything a new surface and eliminated some of that problem area. I can't prove any of that but I kind of think so. Although I gave those problems to myself too, now that I think about that. But I was just a kid. And I don't know any of this for sure. I actually like this a lot for what to tell my parents maybe. I haven't told them yet but it's on my mind.

There were two laughing on this page, one on my post that was removed and one on foreverdl but was changed to confused

I agree there shouldn't be laughing replies on something serious. Most other forums I used showed the name who put which reaction. It should be public because some people put reactions that are wrong that they shouldn't put.

@foreverdl also I apologize to you because I overreacted to one little thing and I appreciated your post, and all your past posts to me. I am sorry. For everybody else if you might be concerned I decided to take half the dose of my ssri that my doctor said, so I am going to still be taking that, and also I have a 2nd anti depressant that is not ssri that I never stopped and will keep taking that one too. I just wanted to say that because I agree that this cold turkey on a ssri was not good and it is not what I am doing anymore. I am still getting some of what I want by going low on this dose but did not quit and will talk to my doctor too. Even if I don't see a therapist I will still also consider it, I haven't forgotten it.

It is kind of nice. Also I found if I push I can have some pee come out when I am coming and I get to feel the same feeling of ejaculating, but it's pee instead. Even some of it is cum. But it is nice having that feeling of ejaculating even if it is just pee. Thanks, I will wait on anything bowel related for a while, at least four months. I will still think about getting a professional therapist to talk to. Maybe I will do it, I will at least consider it. I am fine with it in the medical section, can I keep going on the same one or do I have to make a new one? It would be cool to keep all the same thread going. Thanks, I will keep sharing updates. I like sharing even though it doesn't always go smooth, I still want to post and I want it to be overall positive and I try for that and I will keep it positive.

If I have to get used to life changes you can all get used to an up and down So get used to this or get lost like the other one did Guess what, I was sorry before, now I'm mad. Enjoy the variety of emotions! Not my problem what you people think about me. Yes, I will do this and everybody else can deal with it. I don't care today.

@Little Sherri Thank you, so much for that. I think I'll read it many times.

I'm sorry @cathdiap I agree with you because I don't think I should be liking it. I shouldn't complain while liking it. Or I shouldn't complain at all. I should probably just enjoy it simply, but I also don't like when I enjoy it. It feels wrong, and it is, and I shouldn't enjoy while talking about complaining. The complaining seems better, but it's not honest, I do like diapers and I do desire incontinence. Having the surgery is all a huge lie, the whole thing. I really hate that it's a lie. I don't want to talk to professionals about it because I don't like anything about what I did. It's okay to be incontinent and need diapers, but it's really strange to desire it and even go so far as to make myself truly incontinent. All because I wanted to. I wish I only regretted it and didn't like it. It would be simpler. It feels pretty disgusting to enjoy it. It always has. You are right that I was wrong in different ways that I talked about it. I described the bad parts and I wanted to explore all of those. But I made people concerned and worse I also have enjoyment of facets of all of the different parts of this, that I don't like, I also have enjoyment. People have complained in this thread that all I want, is to do whatever I want with no regard to society. How can I deny that? It's is obviousy true. I got surgery to change my body to become incontinent. Which is something that is happening out in the world next to everyone. My friends are genuinely thinking that I have had a terrible thing befall me. But it is what I chose. It's a big lie and it's wrong. But it's not only the implication that I gave with them, it even happens here and to you. Your accusation is very embarrassing because of its truth and ugliness. I am truly sorry, and I don't like this part of me, but you are right.