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Chapter 109: Throw “YEAH? I NEEDED to get back here in time?” I said, feeling exposed and embarrassed in front of my former nest mother right then. “Well, you’re here, and I’m in luck that I get to change a much prettier Little than I usually do!” She picked me up before I could warn her about me probably leaking but quickly carried me to a small changing room on the first floor I didn’t know existed. She used one hand to unfold a disposable changing pad. She placed it on the metal changing table and laid me on it. “You soaked through your onesie and skirt,” she said as she flipped it up. “Here, sit up for a second,” she told me. I rolled upward, and a second later, she pulled the jumper over my head and then the onesie to leave me only in the sagging and soaked diaper. “Umm… what am I going to wear?” I asked her nervously. “Don’t worry, we keep a few spare things in here for this type of emergency,” she assured me. “Let’s get you out of that soggy diapee first, though!” I really felt that Lilly did a better job of changing my diapers. However, Mackenzie was still better than several changers I’d had. She was gentle, wiped me thoroughly, and dressed me in a spare diaper from my backpack. “You don’t have a spare outfit in there, do you?” I blushed, “I used it this week already?” “That’s fine, we’ll just use a spare shirt here,” she told me. I watched her dig through a bin for a moment before coming out with what looked like a simple pink sweater at first. Once she pulled it over my head, I realized the arms had several rows of ruffles by the wrist. Even with the top being too large, it barely covered much more than the top of my diaper! “Sorry, no leggings or pants; we’ll just have to get you up to your nest. You’re wearing a diaper anyway,” Mackenzie told me as if that excused my nude legs! “Let’s just get up there quickly?” I asked. She smiled, picked me up, bounced me up and down, and then carried me out of the room. The temperature in the lobby area felt like it dropped thirty degrees from an open door to the outside. Several other Littles were coming from a common area on the first floor then and seemed to all stare for a second before looking away. I blushed and felt like my face was probably as hot as the sun! Fortunately, the elevator trip, plus her long legs, had me to my new nest pretty quickly. “Hi Mackenzie! Did you catch a stray of mine?” “This fish wasn’t in the water, but I thought I’d bring her to you?” “Thanks! Looks like she had a wardrobe issue - what did you do with her wet clothes?” “Here,” she said, handing her a clear bag. “I almost just put them in the laundry chute, but since you kidnapped her from me, I figured we’d make sure they knew the clothes belonged to your nest.” Mackenzie hugged me, “It’s good to see you, Carly! I’ll make sure I get down here to see you some other time. Be good for Miss Lilly!” She placed me on the ground, patted my exposed diaper, and walked out. Lilly giggled at me, and I noticed Ava and Mia looked like they couldn’t decide whether to laugh at me or feel bad. For my part, I just walked to my stuff and found a pair of black leggings. It wasn’t worth changing the top in my mind when I’d be putting on pajamas in a little bit. I had to admit with leggings on to cover my bottom half, I was pretty comfortable since the borrowed top was really soft! I found myself working on homework and trying to get ready for one of my first tests that was coming up on HoloTheory the next day. I had a good, solid grasp of all of the material so far, but I wanted to review all of the new terms and jargon that were used in the class. By the time I’d also done some brief studying for my intelligence class and math, it was nearly three hours after I’d returned. I stood up to walk to find Lilly for a needed diaper change before calling it a night! BETH WAS BLUSHING as she entered the dorm. She quickly sucked her coat off so she didn’t have to worry about anyone wondering about it. She folded the wet spot inside after taking a quick sniff and noting there was a residue of Carly on it. She groaned, and Nikki gave her a little smirk as she traveled up the stairs to the dorm. “Why don’t I take your coat? I’ll wash it at my apartment tonight?” “I can just put it in the laundry here?” Beth started to say. “You know the laundry is analyzed, right?” “Huh?” Nikki shook her head, “You’re so smart on some things, kid…?” “What do you mean?” “Someone about fifteen years ago figured out when they installed the auto laundry features for the dorm that they could also be clever and make sure no one was hiding bedwetting from them?” “You mean…?” “Yes, if you have any clothing in the wash that has a too-high urine concentration, you’ll be closely watched.” With a sigh, Beth handed her the coat, “Thanks for washing it then…” “Do you have another in case it doesn’t dry tonight?” Beth nodded, “It’s supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow anyway, so I would probably have switched to a different one anyway.” “Good,” she told her. “This date tomorrow?” Beth blushed and smiled at the same time, “Yes?” “Would you mind if I triple-checked Carly’s plans? I don’t want to overstep, but I also want to make sure it’s a safe trip for you.” She did indeed feel a bit smothered by that but nodded anyway. “Sure, it seems like she did a decent amount of work trying to plan it already?” “I’m sure she did, knowing her family. No need to risk her missing something, though!” “Fair enough,” she said. “You’re not going anywhere else for the night?” Beth shook her head, “I have a test tomorrow in calculus I need to finish studying for.” “Okay, I’ll see you in the morning then,” she told her. “See you tomorrow,” Beth said, closing the door behind her and latching the deadbolt shut. She sighed, squeezing herself in a little hug, then changed into a comfy pair of pajama pants and a light purple top with a circuit diagram on it. Lance had given it to her for Christmas, and she appreciated its nerdiness. Dressed more comfortably, she pulled out her tablet and the review guide that her professor had kindly provided their class for the test the next day. She was about to the point of screaming about one problem when her phone suddenly rang. She stood, found it, and when she saw it was her mom, she answered with the holoprojection function, placing it on the desk in front of it. “Hi, Mom,” she said. “How are you doing, Sweetie?” She shrugged, “Ready to throw my tablet of calc work into the wall?” “That sounds normal,” her mom laughed. “The only person I know who didn’t absolutely hate that class was your dad.” Beth shook her head, “Carly is just as bad!” “How is she taking everything?” “Huh?” “The fact she’s stuck as a girl?” Her mom said. “Oh, that…” “That? It was supposed to be a temporary thing for the film? Surely she’s a bit upset, at least, at being stuck as a girl? Your dad would have been devastated?” Beth nodded, “Carly is fine with it, Mom. Actually, she’s better than fine with it, I think.” Her mom gave her the stare that always felt like she was opening her brain up and stripping out the knowledge from it, “She wanted to be a girl?” Beth sighed, “Yeah, I think so?” “Well, what about your relationship now?” Beth shrugged, “Seems fine still?” “You’re okay with going out with a girl?” Her mom asked. “You never seemed like you had a thing for girls before?” Beth shook her head, “I don’t have a thing for girls in general; it’s just Carly?” Her mom cajoled her into more information as their conversation went on about things she would never discuss with her dad. Eventually, she made her excuses and said, “I need to finish studying; give everyone my love?” As the line cut, Beth felt more drained and relieved to have spoken with her mother. Looking at the clock, she decided to hit the restroom and resume her studying. When she was past the point of getting anywhere, she went to the restroom again to clean her face and brush her teeth before climbing into bed and being tucked in by Rachel, who seemed to suddenly appear at bedtime each night. “Good night,” Rachel told her as she turned off the lights. I WOKE UP the following day with a swim with Lilly and Mackenzie before finding my way to breakfast and classes. Computational Intelligence was interesting that morning. I made some notes on some ideas I wasn’t sure Mom knew about yet! Our professor was currently involved in some research that furthered Grandma’s work in the field, and she was making some impressive gains in how the AI chunked new knowledge. Her thinking patterns seemed to be heavily influenced by her own kids’ development, which I found kind of intriguing! I walked to my Holofield Theory class and crammed a few last minutes of studying before the room was packed. Our professor passed out the same style of tablet we’d taken our placement tests on that first week. I appreciated that I was given a smaller one than my neighbors, though! “You have the full class time for this exam. We can work with you if you need additional time, but in my experience, you either know this material or you don’t,” Professor Davis told us. I nodded. To me, this was more of a memory subject than a ‘work it out’ subject like math or programming. “Just one other note, due to some issues I’ve had before, I would ask that you please not leave the room until after you complete the exam. You’re welcome to go before I activate the test and come back if you need to use the restroom, but I’ll collect your tests otherwise if you need to leave.” I squirmed at that, wishing that going to the bathroom was even a realistic possibility for me! “Well, at least I can just go…” I thought to myself even as several girls excused themselves from class, and one boy then. My diaper was a little damp, but I was pretty sure it would hold up until lunch based on how little I’d drank that morning. “Okay, I’m going to activate your tests now; they’ll start when they return. Good luck!” Immediately, my screen lit up, and I began working on answering questions about a subject that would have sounded like gibberish to me a few weeks ago! BETH HAD SPENT the morning when she woke up doing some last-minute cramming. She’d even made Carly quiz her on a couple of formulas before leaving her at her first class and heading to her own. During her Logic class, she discovered there would be a project due in that class in another week as one of her five grades. Fortunately, it seemed straightforward and not too time-consuming! Her professor annoyingly went over time by a few minutes. Since she was sitting inside a row, there wasn’t a good and tactful way to leave until he finished! She was a little worried that Carly wasn’t waiting for her or at her classroom until she checked her message and realized she’d hurried to her next class to cram for her own test. “Everything okay?” Nikki asked her. “Yeah, just was a little nervous for a second that Carly wasn’t here. She has a test in her next class, though, so she hurried there to do some last studying.” “I don’t miss being in school,” Nikki told her as she walked beside her. Beth laughed, “Aren’t you basically back in school now since you’re with me all the time?” She looked up at Nikki, who made a cringing face like she’d smelled something bad. “Well, at least I’m not taking the tests?” “Don’t remind me!” Beth said. She had to appreciate that the chill of winter had taken a break that day. It wasn’t nearly as cold as it had been the past couple of weeks. “I wonder if this warm weather is going to last long?” Nikki asked as if reading her thoughts. Beth shrugged, “Not sure, I was thinking that though? It’s been frigid the past couple of weeks!” They didn’t have much more time to talk before Beth led them into Marconi Hall and down the hallway to the small lecture hall where her class was held. She took a quick moment to detour into the restroom first and thought, ‘I hope Carly’s diaper lasts through this class?’ Once she sat in her class, she took a moment to pull out her notes again for her calculus exam. When her professor began class, she couldn’t help but note that it would be a long day before they wrapped up! “Okay, don’t forget that we have a test next Friday in this class…” he droned on as Beth made a note in her calendar about yet another test in the next couple of weeks! ‘Classes don’t seem so bad at the beginning, but then they just start piling up tests and projects!’ she griped. Her calendar was filling up, and it was still several weeks until midterms! She checked her messages as she left class and was a little concerned that she didn’t see one from Carly. I WAS MAKING quick work of the exam as it went through everything from the absolute basics we’d started with. The first question asked us to describe the particles involved in the projection of just the images. A follow-up question began to ask how you would manipulate the particles, and things continued on in that manner for thirty questions. About question thirty-one, I checked and saw there were a total of sixty, so I was halfway done! I was completing question forty-eight a half-hour later about the proper way to orient the projector lenses when I felt my stomach rumble. ‘Hush, I’ll feed you after this,’ I said, figuring it was just hunger since lunchtime was coming. Question fifty-three was a more theoretical-based question and asked about the proper formula for calculating the intersection of the particles of light with the stasis field you needed to generate. Fortunately, I remembered the formula, so I was writing it with the stylus even as I felt my body give off a little bit of gas in a fart. “Gross!” I heard someone complain a row away. I blushed but continued to work. ‘I hate that I don’t have any control over anything now!’ I thought to myself. The only warning I had before something happened now was when my body would decide to crouch, seemingly on its own. ‘Hopefully, it holds off until after this test!’ I grimaced a moment after finishing the fifty-fourth question as my insides seemed to twist some, but then there was a sense of relief in my body. I finished fifty-six before I heard, “Did someone just poop themselves?” From a girl a couple rows back. “Ladies and gentlemen, you must remain quiet through this exam. I will not warn you again.” “Professor, how can we concentrate when there’s a poopy-pants here?” The girl pushed back. “Breathe through your mouth,” he suggested and glared at her. I pointed my eyes back at my paper, but not before noticing he looked straight at me with a sympathetic glance. “Can I at least change her diaper?” The girl asked. “I’m sure it’s not comfy for her, and it’ll at least move the smell away from us?” “I told you, no one can leave the room?” He said, and I sensed he was trying to make excuses. “She’s just a Little, I’ll change her behind your desk?” “I don’t…” I felt a nervous feeling in my stomach, but I also knew it was kind of rude to force people to smell my poopy diaper for the rest of the test. “Fine,” I said, “I have a spare diaper in my bag. Are you sure you want to?” I looked up at a tall brown-haired girl who smiled, “Sure!” The girl clambered down the steps and had me in her arms almost before I was ready. “By the way, I’m Harper,” she told me. “Carly,” I said quietly. She nearly pushed Professor Davis to move out of the way, and I was at least grateful the room had been set up like a regular lecture hall that day. That meant a large desk in the front of the room blocked the view of anyone seated in the rows. “Do you have a changing pad?” She asked me quietly as she sat me down. I blushed, but I dug through my bag and handed her the changing pad, a diaper, and some wipes. “Well, at least you’re a prepared little girl!” She patted my back, “Let’s get you out of that icky poopy diapee!” “Please keep quiet,” Professor Davis asked. “I’m just changing her diaper?” “Quietly,” he insisted. She shook her head and unfolded my changing pad, then laid me down on it before pushing the skirt up and out of the way. With a few pops, the onesie was opened up, and then she tickled my stomach for no reason. I fought back a few giggles, “Please don’t?” “Fine…” she said. “Don’t get your panties in a twist… oh, you won’t wear those,” she smirked. I couldn’t tell if she was being cruel or just trying to be funny… “Don’t quit your day job,” I groaned. A moment later, she pulled the tapes open and used the used diaper to scrape some of the muck off my butt. “Eew,” she complained a moment later, and I watched her use a baby wipe to wipe her hand up before resuming the cleanup on my bottom. She used quite a few wipes to gently but quickly clean me up. Satisfied, she rolled them up in the old diaper and taped me in the new diaper, buttoned my onesie, then sat me up and handed me the diaper. “Go throw your diapee away in the trash can and get back to your test, sweetie!” I wanted to gag as she handed me the balled-up diaper! I could see brown stains on it, and I did my best not to throw up as I walked it to a trash can by the door. I found my pack of baby wipes in my bag and wiped my hands with one before returning to resume my test. Thirty minutes later, I was grateful to have pressed submit and escaped the room from my classmates! I felt a little guilty as I passed by the trashcan and could clearly still smell the contents! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading!!!! Please press the 'Like' Button and leave me a comment! The real world is hitting hard right now, and I'm hitting a lot of hours at work beyond normal right now. I'm hoping to get to some more writing on this this weekend so I can get back ahead. I'm being beaten up by my stress enough that we'll see what happens. The good thing is at one post a week I do have 16 more weeks written already, but I would prefer to return to two a week. We'll see what happens, though... Thanks for your patience and understanding!

Chapter 22: The Night Before I returned downstairs to find that Hannah had resumed watching the movie without me. Like before, she was sitting on the floor. Emma remained absorbed in her smartphone on the couch. "You were in the bathroom for a really long time," Hannah said as I took a seat behind her on the couch. Emma groaned at her cousin's lack of social etiquette, though she still didn't look up from her phone. I didn't respond at all to Hannah's comment. Anything she might think I had been doing in the bathroom was better than what I had actually been doing. I hoped that I had managed to put everything back into the suitcase exactly like I had found it, and that the pull-up I had tried out wouldn't show any signs of having been worn. I wasn't able to pay attention to the TV. It didn't matter that this was my favorite of the Harry Potter movies. I simply couldn't sit still and focus on it. The diapers I'd discovered in Hannah's suitcase both worried and intrigued me. Why was it that she would need to wear those to bed rather than the pull-ups? There was only one explanation that made sense. The pull-ups must not work well enough for her at night. There was no question from when I was holding the diaper that it had significantly more absorbent padding, but it seemed to follow that it would be more effective at absorbing urine. But I struggled to understand why that was the case. The pull-ups seemed to work perfectly fine for Hannah during the day. Or did they? When Emma had mentioned that her cousin had peed all over the couch the other day, I had simply assumed that she must have not had a pull-up on at the time. But what if that wasn't the case? What if she had been wearing the pull-up, and it hadn't been able to completely absorb the accident? Maybe those pull-ups didn't work one hundred percent of that time? What would that mean for my own fake bedwetting once my parents got the pull-ups for me? I, of course, would be wetting them, but what would happen if they leaked all over the bed? I couldn't see my parents wanting to continue getting pull-ups for me if that were to happen. They wouldn't see them as having any value if there were still wet sheets to deal with, anyway. Would I end up needing to wear diapers as well if I were to continue faking the bedwetting? And did I want to wear diapers rather than pull-ups? That was a question I didn't know the answer to at the moment. I hadn't ever remotely considered the possibility of wearing a diaper rather than a pull-up outside of the makeshift diaper I had attempted to make for myself once a couple of years back to disastrous results. Would a diaper feel as good as wearing a pull-up? Would it feel better than wearing a pull-up? That wasn't a question I could answer without having tried one on, but there hadn't been an opportunity to do so. From the windows looking out over the backyard, I could see that the rain hadn't let up a single bit. I checked my phone. The forecast said the downpour wasn't supposed to stop until sometime overnight. The movie finally came to an end. Hannah wanted to move on to the next one immediately, but not before taking another toilet break, as her watch had just gone off a couple of minutes earlier. "I need to put my foot down," Emma said, though she remained seated on the couch with her legs curled up to the side. "I'm not watching another one of these movies this weekend." Hannah was gone a lot longer than before. It was hard to tell since it was raining, but I thought I could hear the sound of someone going upstairs and walking around. When she finally returned, she didn't take kindly to Emma's decision to move on to any activity other than watching the next Harry Potter movie. Hannah stomped her feet and ran off when Emma refused to hand over the TV remote to her. Hannah returned a few minutes later with her mom, who tried to helpfully suggest that perhaps we could make some TikTok videos with Hannah instead. That seemed to test Emma's limit on wanting to do anything but watch another Harry Potter movie, but she agreed. There was still another hour or so before Mom was going to come and pick me up. We managed to get a couple of someone choreographic dance videos made that Emma promised Hannah that she would post to her account, though when Hannah went off to use the toilet again, Emma whispered to me that she was going to delete it all once Hannah was gone, saying that she didn't want to ruin the vibe on her account. The doorbell rang a few minutes later. It had to be Mom coming to pick me up. Hannah stayed behind in the living room as Emma and I went to the front door. Mom was chatting casually with Emma and Hannah's parents in the entryway when we arrived. "Are you excited about summer break?" Mom asked Emma. "I will be when Angie is back from her road trip," Emma said. "I'm looking forward to the sleepover on Maddy's birthday." Mom nodded in response to Emma's statement and shifted her gaze over to me. And just like that, I was caught. Mom wasn't supposed to have known that I'd already invited Angie and Emma to have a sleepover on my birthday next weekend. "Where's Hannah?" Emma's aunt asked. "I don't know," Emma said. "Maybe in the other room." "Can you go grab her? I'm sure she'd want to say goodbye since we're leaving early tomorrow morning." Emma trudged back off toward the living room. I caught her rolling her eyes once she was at an angle where her parents couldn't see it. A little while later, there was a loud patter of feet running along the wood floor, and Hannah sprinted around the corner. I couldn't help but once again find my eyes drifting down to her waist. As she came to a stop, her shirt lifted up briefly, giving one final half-second glimpse of the pull-up beneath her shorts. "Bye!" Hannah said with a wave at me. And just like that, she was done, having turned back around to sprint off toward the living room. We continued to make small talk about plans for the summer for a few minutes, and then it was time to head home. I closed the door behind me after getting into the passenger seat, bracing myself for an awkward conversation. Mom turned on the ignition without saying a word and watched the rear-view camera as she carefully backed out of the driveway. Once we were out on the road, the questions began. "Why does Emma think there's going to be a sleepover on your birthday?" she asked. She had me there. It was stupid bad luck that Emma had thought to say anything about that to Mom. Mom had shot down the idea of an all-nighter, and she had made it clear that she wasn't going to OK the idea of a sleepover unless the anti-bedwetting pills had worked. I really didn't want to answer Mom's question, even though it wasn't as though she likely knew the answer already. "I told Angie and Emma that a sleepover was the plan for my birthday." "Madelyn, you know that I had said that wasn't an option unless we managed to figure out what was happening with the bedwetting." I nearly did it. Even though I had planned to bring up the topic of pull-ups tomorrow, I nearly went forward with the speech I had rehearsed about how it might be good to try them. But I instead fell back on a more vague excuse. "I just figured that maybe the doctor would have something that would stop the bedwetting so I could still have the sleepover. I didn't want to tell them that I couldn't do it." "That doesn't leave a lot of time," Mom said as we turned onto the road that led back to our house. "I want to make sure any solution actually works before letting you do a sleepover. Maybe it would be best if we just postponed it. Your friends can stay until it is time to go to bed. It's not as though you'd really miss anything while being asleep." That was the last thing I wanted, especially after having already told my friends that a sleepover was going to happen. "Please don't tell them that it is canceled yet. I don't want them to think anything is wrong." Mom was silent for a bit as she pulled into the driveway and waited for the garage door to open. "That's fine for now," Mom said at last. "But if we don't find a way to deal with the bedwetting before then, it isn't going to work to have the sleepover." <><><> Another night. Another set of pills to take before bed. At least this was going to be the last time. Despite my pleas to get out of taking the pills tonight, Mom insisted that I should give it one more try before going to the doctor's appointment in the morning. "I don't want you staying up too late tonight," Mom said. "The appointment is first thing in the morning, so you need to make sure you set your alarm for eight." Great. Pills. No more water for tonight. No chance of peeing the bed this evening. And I had to get up early in the morning. I held out my hand, and she dropped the two pills onto my open palm. I grabbed a glass with a small amount of water in it from her as well. Mom watched as I popped both of the pills into my mouth. I resigned myself to the possibility of dealing with an actual headache tomorrow morning as I began to raise the glass of water to my lips. Some loud yelling in the distance – which sounded like my younger brother, Jackson – suddenly grabbed Mom's attention, as she turned around to look in the other direction. Mom's back was turned as she headed down the hallway in the direction of the tantrum that Jackson seemed to be throwing. That wasn't common behavior for him, but when it happened, it usually took both of my parents to rein my six-year-old brother in. This was my chance. I pulled the two tiny pills out of my mouth and placed them in my pocket before quickly chugging down the small glass of water. With my plans for the evening suddenly looking much more positive, I didn't throw a fuss at going to bed earlier than I normally would have on an evening during summer break. I made sure to use the toilet while my parents were helping my brother get ready for bed, making sure they would know that any bedwetting would be happening in spite of all the precautions that were being taken. I flushed the two pills down the toilet, watching carefully to make sure that they didn't resurface. The best part about having avoided taking the pills tonight was that I wasn't going to have to avoid drinking anything afterward. My mouth had been so parched the past several nights when I had gone to bed without sneaking a drink from the sports bottle I had tucked away in my bedroom. Alone in my bedroom, I raised the bottle to my lips. I couldn't believe that I was somehow actually excited about the idea of drinking lukewarm tap water. The likelihood of being able to wet myself in bed tonight allowed me to manage to set aside my disgust at the bitter taste of the water. The problem of going to bed this early was that I still had plenty of time to kill before midnight. I tapped open the web browser on my phone, trying to recall the name of the website Hannah had mentioned reading those Harry Potter fanfiction stories on. I couldn't recall the exact name, but a quick Google search of the acronym she had mentioned brought up a link to the website. I tapped on the link, and then I groaned as a new pop-up appeared on my phone, one that was unwelcome but familiar, a message that the website was blocked due to the parental restrictions on my phone. Well, that was just great. Defeated, I set my phone down on the bed. It wouldn't be the first time that an otherwise appropriate website had been mistakenly blocked by the software. If it was something Hannah had access to, I couldn't imagine that it was actually anything that bad or inappropriate. I would need to ask Dad about the website tomorrow, and he would be able to update the permissions on the parental controls like he had done for me before, though perhaps I should consider coming up with a reason for wanting to access the website other than wanting to read Harry Potter stories. A sense of melancholy struck me as midnight approached. This might be the last time of wetting myself like this. Going forward, I would be wearing a pull-up to bed every night for the foreseeable future. I had first wet the bed nine nights ago. And tomorrow I would be going to see a doctor. I was amazed at how quickly everything had progressed. I'd tried to put off thinking about what the doctor's appointment might mean for me in the morning. What tests would they end up running? What theories would they have for why the bedwetting might be happening? Was there anything I had done that might cause them to suspect that I was actually wetting the bed on purpose? One thing was clear. Regardless of what happened at that appointment, I was going to need to find a way to broach the topic of pull-ups with Mom tomorrow. With any luck, tomorrow night, I'd be going to bed while wearing a pull-up identical to the one of Hannah's that I had tried out earlier today. Having managed to avoid taking the anti-bedwetting pills, I didn't have to struggle at all to manage to wet the bed, and I took in the sensation of the warmth spreading beneath my waist. Even though everything had gone right so far, even though I was still completely on track for my plan to succeed, another thought began to fill me with a new worry as I lay on top of my thoroughly soaked bedding. What if the pull-ups didn't work for me? --- Links to all my stories can be found at https://abdlwriter.wordpress.com/

Looks like a pacifier addict. https://pacifieraddict.com/

Hey everyone! Congrats to everyone for making it to about the halfway point in this story. I feel this chapter is very appropriate to mark that point in this story, but things are about to get a lot more interesting. Also, I just want to note that I could have dedicated a lot of time to this next chapter. Originally, it was going to be three separate chapters, but then I realized that it might get a little tiresome plot wise. In that same vein, I know I could have drastically simplified Emma’s thoughts or language, but that makes for a pretty boring or near incomprehensible chapter, so I elected not to in this case. I think the end result works and makes for a much more interesting read. Also, minor spoiler here, but Dash does show up in this chapter as an actual character. Nancy doesn’t know his name, so he’s not named, but I just want to put it out there. Namely, I want to note it first because considering the number of views this story has already garnered, I’m assuming some of you may not have read my previous story. As such, basically just remember that toys come alive when not being watched. I won’t commit to if its magic or whatever, but keep in mind that toys only reveal themselves to Littles in dire circumstances or when they believe they won’t be noticed. It’s not a big part of this story, focusing on Emma and all, but just in case anyone gets confused, that’s the reason for some elements occurring in this chapter. Next, as a reminder, I’m now polling between two stories to figure out what I should write next. The two choices are listed out in chapter 2, so be sure to check them out and let me know. As I will announce my winner in my last chapter, that would be the deadline for you to make your opinion known. As usual, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter! Chapter 8: Nothingness, a Doggy, and a Bond The trappings of my life soon became just that. I was a prisoner in my own mind. I didn’t want much anymore and everything around me became fuzzy… unclear as to what was going on. At first, I mourned the loss, but soon, I took comfort in the peace and safety my new life afforded me. I knew it was a dangerous path to head down but considering all that had happened and that I now felt practically all alone in this world, it just felt like a good alternative to what could have occurred to me. See, when Littles sometimes ‘break,’ as I did, we tended to go down one of two routes. Most just regressed their own minds and became mentally like babies from then on out. Recovery was possible but challenging and usually a failure. For me, however, I had gone the other way and I had become locked within my own mind. The major problem of this route for Littles was that their already fragile mind often would regress from sheer disuse or the inability to fight off anyone as they approached with something to further harm or regress them. Unfortunately, I was already starting to feel these atrophied effects take hold of me. While I knew that Nurse Bee’s special shot and whatever happened afterward with the pain in my head could be blamed for some of the problems I was now experiencing, I also knew that the more time trapped in my own mind was now severely degrading it. It wasn’t long before my needs became simple. My emotions were always in flux but my communication with them became very limited as well. A gurgle meant I was happy. Crying meant I was uncomfortable. And anything else that occurred outside my mind was just a physical manifestation of my own body. Even my memory seemed to fade with time. Concepts I had known for years all began to vanish. At first, I was so scared. Imagine forgetting your parents’ faces or the home you grew up in. Time seemed to just not matter anymore though, and it didn’t take long for me to not even mind that something was lost anymore. After all, if I couldn’t remember it, I couldn’t mourn it. Holes were left in my memory, but as the holes started to become the majority of what I could remember, one hole was just as sad, or meaningless, as the next. At some point, I just stopped caring. Between that and my near-constant need for sleep and other basic needs, my life soon merged into a routine. By the end of the second day, I had nearly lost all track of time and the only things I could recognize were those things that continued to be mentioned. Daycare, Nancy, Emma, diaper, messy… things like that, but most of those words had little meaning for me anymore. And each time I closed my eyes to sleep once again, I found I was missing more. I knew it wasn’t long before my current life was all I knew. I would live in the moment, not caring about what was next or what had just happened. Every time I had that thought though, my eyes soon closed once more as I fell asleep in my crib. * * * Nancy looked down at me and I cooed over seeing her face again. I wasn’t sure who ‘Nancy’ was exactly, but she was a pretty lady who kept me fed, warm, and clean. To me, that’s what mattered. “Who’s my Little snookums, huh? Is someone ready to go to daycare?” she asked, clearly not expecting a sophisticated answer back. As usual, I cooed back in response. “I’ll take that as a yes!” Her smile was infectious, and she played with my feet for a moment, before picking me up and taking me to the car. I didn’t like the car or my car seat, so I began to fuss. “Oh, honey. I know you don’t like this thing, but I need to get you to daycare and…” Her phone began to ring, and I started to fuss more as she turned her head away from me. “Oh, shoot! That’s work. I’ve got to take this, sweetie. I’m sorry.” She then popped her phone out. “Hello? Yes, Greg. I’ll be there in a little bit… No, I know that you all wanted me there early, but I just can’t with Emma…” Nancy seemed all upset and I got a little upset as well. I had no idea who Greg was, but I just wanted her attention back on me. She tried to play with my feet from a distance, but it just wasn’t the same. Nancy noticed. “Look Greg, I have to go… I didn’t regress her. You think I wanted this? She’s wonderful and all, but…” She looked back at me with a sad face and then quieted her voice. I could still hear her though. “It’s not my fault. The daycare screwed her up and taking care of a near newborn is hard enough. She had a blowout this morning and… yes… yes… I understand. I will be there as soon as I can…” Sighing, Nancy then hung up and turned her attention back to me. “Sorry, baby. I needed to take that but come on. I’ve got to take you to daycare pronto.” Seeing her attention pop back to me, I only cooed again. She smiled and I tried to as well, but I just heard a little farting noise instead. ‘Weird…’ Nancy tickled me a little bit and then left. Just as I was about to cry out though, she popped back in front of me, so everything was good. She even made this big noise with what we were in, and I cooed over the rattling I now felt in my body. Smiling back at me, Nancy turned on some of what she called ‘music.’ I wasn’t really sure what it was, but I just knew I liked it. So, I cooed back at her again. What felt like a thousand years later, Nancy stopped, disappeared for a moment, but then reappeared and picked me up. I cooed at her touch, but before I could really feel her closeness, I was given to someone else. I began to distress a little. “Sorry, Diana for the late drop-off,” Nancy apologized. “She had a blowout and I hate to drop and run, but I’ve really gotta go now.” The woman, Diana I guess, nodded and raised up my hand a little. “That’s okay, Nancy. We’ve got her now. You run off back to your job.” Nancy then waved at us and took off. Diana waved my already raised hand back to her and it felt kind of funny. I felt I had a new ability as my hand flopped about. It was so cool, but Diana stopped and just sighed. “Well, I guess I best get you settled Emma. No need to wait around out here…” I started to distress a bit, but Diana soon started bouncing me a little in her arms. It was actually kind of fun and I cooed a little bit during the process. Before we had even moved much further though, this one tiny person came up to us. “Miss Dee-Dee! Miss Dee-Dee!” she called out. ‘Who’s Miss Dee-Dee?’ Diana looked down at her though. “Yes, Lilly. Is there something I can help you with?” Lilly, I guess, nodded her head and clutched the doll in her hands more tightly. “When’s Emma gonna come back an’ play with us? Is she any better?” Diana started responded back, though I still wasn’t sure what was happening on whether she was really Diana, Miss Dee-Dee, or was just a special person and had two names. ‘Do I have two names?’ Diana shook her head to Lilly’s question. “I’m sorry, Lilly, but Emma here is on a different level than you are now. She might come back, but you need to be prepared that she might not.” Lilly seemed to listen but then quickly looked distressed and tried pulling my foot from her position below me. “Emma! Emma! Please talk to me! Please! You gotta wake up!” Diana moved me away and pulled Lilly away from me before waving over to a new woman. “Easy, Lilly. You need to stop that. There’s nothing any of us can do now, so you just need to accept this. Until then, Miss Mindy here is going to take care of you, okay?” By now though, Lilly was crying, and I started to get a little distressed myself. “Oh dear,” Diana said as she started to bounce me around again. “Guess someone needs their morning nap and a feed.” My cries stopped and I cooed back. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” Diana then waved to Miss Mindy and Lilly as the two hugged each other. Lilly was still crying, and she seemed so familiar, but the prospect of getting fed quickly snapped my mind off the brief thought. That cycle repeated for a long time after. Maybe a year, or a month… a day… actually, I wasn’t really too sure on the who concept of time anymore, but it felt like a long time. Regardless, nothing changed. I would wake in the morning, Nancy would drop me off and would get more upset every day with me, I would come to daycare and go through that cycle, and then I would be taken home where I would go to sleep again. It was all a routine, but a pleasant one at that. My world had shrunk very nicely and despite Nancy and others seeming distressed around me occasionally, I just kind of accepted my life. It felt safe and easy. But I guess life never stays that way though, and soon, I finally felt like I was cracking up. That patchwork-like stuffed dog that seemed somewhat familiar had wandered into my crib in the Burrows room… and yes, I know how it sounds, but I swear they walked right up to me and even spoke to me. I just assumed it was a dream, but he kept doing it with such vigor that it almost frightened me. Stuffy’s are just not supposed to talk. It’s almost a basic law of nature, ‘I think?’ but after a few more times, I kind of just accepted his presence as he snuggled down next to me after trying to get me to talk for the millionth time. I mean, even if I wanted to or could for that matter, what would I even say to a stuffy come to life? ‘Hi, my name is Emma. You are supposed to be an inanimate object and you’re probably possessed or I’m going crazy… more than what’s normal for what I’ve been through that is. Want to be friends?’ Something like that just didn’t happen, and I kinda just accepted the funny-looking but soft stuffy into my life. On top of that though, I began to realize I almost had a superpower of sorts. I couldn’t fly like the birdies outside or be strong like Nancy was, but I heard everything when most people thought I was just a shell of who I was. I was already seeing the stuffy come to life, but I saw so much more as well. I couldn’t really retain anything, but nonetheless, I still heard everything in the moment at least. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Gillies,” Miss Dee-Dee said while the other large scary woman looked down at me in the crib. I had since managed to remember Miss Dee-Dee’s name and I was so proud of myself. It was small, but I felt like such a big girl for remembering that she was called two names. Two was a big number after all. “She hasn’t changed since Tulia brought her in last week.” “Then I want you to do something different with her. Nancy is threatening to sue us or leave, and because it’s disrupting her work, they’re backing her up as well,” Mrs. Gillies, I guess, said harshly to Miss Dee-Dee. For once, I swear that Miss Dee-Dee seemed scared herself. “But it’s not my fault, Mrs. Gillies…” Miss Dee-Dee tried to defend herself. “It wasn’t my medicine that made her this way. It’s Brit…” “It’s Nurse Bee around here, Diana,” Mrs. Gillies rudely interrupted Miss Dee-Dee. I really wanted to defend my kind carer around here, but I could only just coo and let out a little fart instead. ‘It’s so funny when I do that… Miss Dee-Dee always changes me afterward and blows kisses on my tummy. It tickles!’ I paused, realizing I had lost track of what was being said above me. ‘Shoot! She’s saying something again.’ “…I know it’s really hard to work under these conditions, Diana, but we have rules for the staff here as well for a good reason. You know that, or do I have to remind you again?” “N… no, m… ma’am,” Miss Dee-Dee stuttered out. “I don’t n… need a reminder…” Mrs. Gillies smiled and rubbed Miss Dee-Dee’s shoulder. “That’s very good, Diana. It’s for your own good. Trust me. I’ll talk to Nurse Bee tonight and see if we can’t figure out this little glitch of hers. I think I can calm down Nancy and get to accept everything, but I’d prefer not to have to do that for other caregivers. Six Littles ending up like this is too much and you know I don’t like this type of outcome for our Littles.” Miss Dee-Dee nodded. “Yes ma’am. Of course.” Both looked down on me, smiled, and then walked out of my view. I was more than a little confused of what I had just heard, but I felt there was a big problem with someone called ‘Nurse Bee.’ I don’t think that Mrs. Gillies or Miss Dee-Dee wanted me this way, so maybe I had two other people on my sid… ‘Oh! Another toot! Feels so funny! Everything feels so squishy now! Squishy time! Squishy time!’ I cooed a little in my crib. The stuffy dog would be here any moment and Miss Dee-Dee would come back and remove my squishiness and… ‘Wait… wasn’t I just thinking about something that was said? Done to me?’ I really tried to remember, but another little toot came from all my straining to think. ‘Oh well. I guess if it was really important, I would have remembered it…’ So, all that kept happening. I would see something, panic and think about it, but then forget about it just as quickly. I might remember some of it later, which is the only reason that I could retain anything, but the most I could piece together was that Miss Dee-Dee and Mrs. Gillies wanted to help me out and were sorry and Nurse Bee was bad… I guess. Again, all super fuzzy, but like most things, I just had to live with it. It seemed that would be my life forever, but my new stuffed companion apparently just kept coming to me. Oddly, during one of the visits, I swear I heard a voice in my head and life in my limbs for the first time in forever… a week… a day ago? I really didn’t know, but it was there, or at least it was for a moment. I tried after, but only managed to make out another little fart. Now, I had never had a toy before… at least I think so, so I wasn’t sure why I kept getting this strong urge to hug this stuffy that kept dropping by. He certainly wasn’t new, and his stitching almost scared me, but he stuck by me. No matter what; diaper change, bottle feeding, cries… everything. He would always hide when Miss Dee-Dee or Miss Tully came to check on me and calm me down, but he was always back soon after. It wasn’t much, but he was someone I could cling to and rely on to be there for me in this place. So, when he came back to me one day and laid down for a while after I had arrived at the daycare late again, I didn’t really think anything of it, but was just glad he was here again. Almost instantly though, I heard something again buzzing in my head, but unlike the other times, I could almost make out most of the words. “Wake up… wake up… no one is upset with you… you are a good girl… just wake up…” just started playing over and over in my head. At first, I couldn’t make much of it out, but when I concentrated, by the third time it went through my head, I could hear almost as if someone were directly talking to me. Having just woken up from a nap, I could have sworn it was all just part of a dream, but as my eyes began to flutter open more to their still semi-relaxed awakened state, I heard something new this time. “Emma… wake up, Emma. Wake up for me… show me something… please, Emma… I will protect you… I will make it all okay… just please wake up…” I began to get excited. Hallucination or not, the patched stuffy dog seemed to be trying to reach out to me. There was no one else her, so it just had to be him. Being so far set adrift in a world of nothingness, it was something, so when he walked away from me again, I didn’t like it. So, I tried to muster all the strength I had inside and tried to will myself to do… say anything. Finally, I let out an “Uhhh…” The stuffy stopped and looked back over at me. First, I was elated that he had stopped. Even more though, second, I had made a noise. Having basically just been a passenger in my body for so long… ‘Maybe?’ I still wasn’t sure about things like that, but to me, all this now almost seemed like a miracle. I watched as the stuffy moved closer to me. He almost seemed just as relieved as I was, but as quickly as he turned around to see me again, he began walking away again. Not wanting for any of these miraculous new sensations or ability to go away, I let out another “Uhhh…” Again, the stuffy whipped back around to see me. I wanted him to do anything just so I could test more of myself out. Perhaps it was just a fluke, and I had some bad gas, always possible with a Little, but I just hoped it was something more… something longer lasting. ‘Had I finally found my exit from this locked-in state?’ Curiously though, instead of speaking to me, the stuffy only stared back for a while and then began to gather the blanket around me into a large pile halfway between me and the bars of the crib. In an instant, he went from looking at me to disappearing completely. I began to panic. ‘Where had he gone? He was right there! Is he a magic dog? Do I have some special magic dog just floating around and that’s why he can talk, walk, and I can hear him mentally?’ I wasn’t sure at all, but I definitely knew I wanted him back. So, frustrated, I dug deep and let out another “Uhhh…” To my relief, he popped out from behind the bunched pile he had formed. I still wondered if he was a magical stuffy, but I just cared that he was back again. Suddenly, I felt an odd sensation on my face. It was moving, near on its own and felt like it did when I cooed lately, but I still felt confused as to what it was. Seconds later though, my mind clicked into place and a deep memory popped to the surface and I realized I had no reason to panic. I wasn’t in danger. I was just smiling! Everything felt so joyous, and I just wanted to hug my new magical stuffy so badly. Moreover, I just wanted anything to happen to keep this progress going, and as if he could read my thoughts, his mouth slowly opened. “Emma…” My heart leapt for joy, and I felt myself smile even more. My magical stuffy spoke! I hadn’t just imagined it all, and I wanted to see or to hear more, but I was just so happy that a change felt like it was in the air. And, as if all that wasn’t enough, my magical stuffy walked over to me and nuzzled into my chest. Not being able to do much, but still wanting to acknowledge what he had done, I tilted my body a bit right into him. He didn’t say anything this time, but he seemed happy. That happened for a little while longer, but I could see that he almost looked like he wanted more. As if to confirm my theory, he then leaned over near to my face and looked right into my eyes. “Emma… you’re safe with me. I can be your friend if you want, but just please come out of the darkness. Come back to us, Emma…” As if a key had suddenly been turned, I felt new life within me. Sensations I had forgotten long ago came flooding back to me. My eyes, once so lifeless and still except for the keenest of observers, began to open wider as I looked back at my magical stuffy. “Oh Emma…” he said breathlessly. Everything felt so good… so new and exciting. I wanted to embrace it all and to my surprise, I even began to be able to wiggle about as my body started to awaken once more. It still wasn’t much, and I couldn’t win a race against a snail most likely, but even a little bit of something was still more as compared to when I had nothing. It was an absolutely perfect moment and I had never felt such joy in my life, or at least that’s what I assumed right then. But then something clicked within me. Now, just to be clear, as my faint recollections of my past began to flood in, I started to remember the basic stuff first since I had become like this. I remembered names and faces for the first time since all this began. Who they were was still hazy and I maybe could tell you the difference between the days, but the memories were slowly coming back. And while all that felt wonderful, I realized just how boring my life had become. It was a series of feedings, naps, diaper changes, and being hauled from one location to another. In all my memories, I could only remember being in this daycare, Nancy’s house, and her… ‘Car? Yes… car…’ I had the faintest sense there was more to life than that, but it was just beyond my fingertips. Still though, it was there, and it made me want more. Which is when I realized that I used to have more… and lost it. I wasn’t sure, how, why, or when at that moment, but I just knew I did. Seeing myself lying in this crib and being excited to do more than fart or cry was a serious blow to my happiness. My previous wiggles quickly stopped, and though I was getting my memories back, I was still very much the person I had become. So, with my emotions still in flux and triggered so easily, I broke… again. I deeply worried that this new issue would break me as it had before. I felt all the same sensations surrounding me and the loss that each of them meant. Everything felt so distant, but the images were still there of at least who I used to be on a large scale. I couldn’t remember things like street names or where I was a year ago but faces and things that I had done were becoming much clearer, so my loss now felt even worse. And, when all that began to fade again, I panicked even more. Tears flowed from my eyes, and I would have given anything to stop myself. I wanted an out, but I didn’t see anything. I was in the same room and even the same crib with the same sense of loss. I felt myself plummeting toward the abyss once more, but then I opened my eyes, and through the tears, I saw one difference: my magical stuffy. Hoping and wishing beyond and harder than I ever had before, I willed the last of my being into my arms and shot them straight out to what felt like the most recent constant in my life. I could have missed, and everything would have been over… but I didn’t. My hands clasped around his soft fury body, and I brought him right into my chest as tightly as I could. My tears were horrible, and I surely thought someone was going to help me, but no one ever came. Miss Dee-Dee, Miss Tully, or the volunteers here must have been on break or something, but that still left me. My magical stuffy was wonderful, but I just wasn’t sure if even he was enough. Suddenly though, like before, I heard something float through my head. “Easy, Emma… calm down and relax… listen to my messages… feel them… hear them… relax…” Surprised, but so relieved, I could feel my sobs began to fade out of nowhere. I knew it had to be my magical stuffy, and as such, I felt he was truly magical, so I hugged him even tighter. I felt a little fuzzy and sleepy right then, but at least my cries began to simmer. I had no idea what was happening, but as I gazed down to my magical stuffy, I just felt I had finally found the peace I was looking for. Never wanting to part with him again, I hugged him closer with one arm, but curiously, my other snaked up and my thumb planted itself right in my mouth. Never having the strength to do so before or the desire before all this, it was an odd and yet wonderous feeling. I never wanted it to leave my mouth again, but as my eyes drifted closed, I just felt happy that maybe, just maybe, I could find my way back to who I used to be. * * * Later that night, I was feeling much better, especially after I was able to wiggle my fingers after my nap, but back home, I could see that Nancy was in another one of her moods. I had been distressingly ripped away from my magical stuffy when she picked me up and now, amidst all the chaos, I desperately wanted him back. Further, having remembered some of my past now, I sadly knew that today wasn’t the first time that Nancy had come home upset. Remembering other times, I didn’t know much, but I knew I was a burden to her lately with the lack of my current abilities that she now had to deal with. Still, after my bath, I was snuggled into my jammies for the night and brought downstairs by a now calmer Nancy to my relief. I sat on her lap as we watched Squares and Letters, a show dedicated to younger Littles like me. There wasn’t much of a plot, and I drifted in and out from time to time, but tonight at least informed me, when I correctly guessed what a square was, that I was slowly getting better. Unfortunately, in the middle of the show, Nancy got a call, and I was placed into my bouncer carrier seat nearby to still watch the TV. “Yes, hello sir… no sir, I just got home and…” Her face quickly changed to one of concern and worry. “No sir, I didn’t mean to leave before my meeting was over but Emma and… I understand sir but I really need to… yes sir… yes, I understand that Littlecare is important to the company, but I need to find a way to make things work… yes sir… yes sir, I’ll be in early tomorrow morning… goodnight, sir…” Nancy then hung the phone and seemed like she was about ready to cry. I wanted more than anything to comfort Nancy right then, but as things were, I could remember what had just happened and that Nancy was having work troubles, however, that was about it. Right as I thought she was about to burst into tears though, her head snapped towards me. “You…” I had never seen her so angry before, let alone have it directed right toward me. With my newly rediscovered perception of the world though, I was never more scared in this house than right then. “You… you were punished by the daycare. I read the report, and you did this to yourself!” she spat at me. I could see the tears begin to drip down her face and I knew she was just speaking out of anger and frustration over everything, but I was genuinely shocked over what I was seeing now. “Mrs. Gillies said it was an accident and that you really couldn’t be held responsible for your actions, but ever since you came here, you’ve defied everything!” To emphasize her point, Nancy had even thrown her hands up in the air. “I mean, ever since that first day I met you… it’s just all been about you. You never thought any of us Bigs were right, and now, look at you! Probably can’t even tell if you’re wet or messy right now as compared to before. I bet if I checked, not even that long after I just changed you, you would at least be a little wet!” I wiggled just a tiny amount to see if I was wet, but I really couldn’t tell if I was or not anymore. I suspected that would take a long time to come back… if at all. “And now… I’m stuck with practically a newborn! What got into me to take you in? I must have been out of my mind when I did it. I should just return you to the foster home…” She paused and stomped her foot on the ground. “Damn it! They probably wouldn’t even take you anymore. You’re just a lost cause to pretty much everyone now. Ten years ago, newborns were all the rage, but now? I might as well give you freely to the institution up the street!” It was all a lot to process. I could tell this had been building up for some time, but to hear it all in one fell swoop… I felt like right on the cusp of everything turning back to normal between us, now, was crashing down all around me. For all I knew, in a week I would be locked up with the rest of the deformed or mentally damaged Littles in the nearby state institution. I still couldn’t remember much, but Garden Gate Hospital stood out in my mind as a place to avoid at all costs if any of the rumors there were true. So, tired, emotionally drained from my long and trying day, and now verbally assaulted by and scared of Nancy, my seemingly whole world yet who now seemed set on giving me away, my emotions simply gave way. I tried to hold them back but considering the earlier smile I had managed still felt like a miracle, I was useless to keep from bursting into tears. Unfortunately, Nancy was still upset at me and her whole life now. She tried to ignore me at first. She even walked away and plugged her ears at one point, but I could tell it was no use. I could see hatred and desperation in her eyes. “Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!” she lashed out at me. It was a terrible moment, but even through the blur of my own tears, I could see that Nancy was at her wits end as well and crying herself. For a moment, she even seemed shocked herself over what she had just said out loud to my poor tiny crying form and cupped her hands over her mouth and shook her head. She didn’t mean her words tonight, and I could see it in her eyes. It still didn’t take their sting or the fear they induced away from my heart, but it was something. It was something even more to see though as she leaped out and grabbed me up. “Oh baby! Baby! Please! Shhh, shhh. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry!” she lamented as she began to rub my back and bounce me around. I wasn’t sure I was emotionally ready to forgive her, but my infantile Little instincts were in the drivers seat still and began to lull my cries away. “Shhh, shhh, honey. I’m so, so sorry, Emma. I’m just so stressed. Easy there. Easy. I’ve got you.” My cries continued to quiet down. “There, there. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you. No one’s going to take you away. I was just upset, and I didn’t mean all that.” She then paused and sat on the couch as she transferred into more of a cradling position with me looking back up at her. “I don’t even know if you can understand me. I wish you could speak, but if you can still think, I’m just so sorry.” I probably could have said something, maybe even a ‘na’ for her name by now, but I decided to keep quiet still. I wanted to hear what she had to say first. “I took you in as a friend, but I didn’t think of the future. I should have and that’s on me. You were just an adult in your old life. All our commercials say otherwise, but I could see your intelligence when you read at least… then all that got taken away. Slowly, you turned into this… and I just wasn’t ready.” She paused for a moment and looked away briefly at some of my babyish equipment and toys that now littered her family room. “I should have talked to my friends more about you and what to expect, but I didn’t. I should have talked to my boss more, but I didn’t. That’s on me, and there’s no excuse. Punished or not, you put your trust in me, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I still don’t know if you can understand me, but maybe show me a sign if you can? Please, baby… something… anything…” I debated for a second if I should just let her wallow in her torment longer, as words didn’t always heal other words said before, but I saw the genuine look of apology and regret in her eyes. I saw the longing for forgiveness the most though, so, having a little more control over my body now, I decided to smile back at her. Not even questioning my newly required ability, Nancy lit up. “Oh honey! Thank you! I don’t know if that’s maybe even just gas, but I’ll take what I can get. Come here, baby!” She then held me close and began to rock me back and forth as she hummed a pleasant and familiar tune. I couldn’t place it for the life of me, but I was just happy over our shared tiny moment. Everything remained like that in such peace and quiet… but then my stomach began to growl. I just ate when I came home, but I guessed my stomach needed what it needed. Nancy quickly noticed. “Oh! I think someone’s stomach just growled at me, huh?” She then slightly adjusted me and prodded around with my diapered rear. “Hmmm… not messy, and you’re probably not uncomfortable, but what about being hungry? Do you want some food maybe?” She looked back at me and knowing my own needs and having the ability to communicate a little better, I smiled back at her. She chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” She stood up and walked away from the family room couch, stepping over a few of my leftover items on the floor. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you fed.” I was so happy. We were communicating much better now and Nancy felt like she was finally accepting who I was as a Little now. I wasn’t sure how long the peace would last, and I still had a long way to go myse… ‘Wait… where are we going?’ I watched as Nancy slowly walked me back upstairs instead of the kitchen to fetch me a jar of pureed Littlefood or to warm a bottle up. As we entered my nursery, I at least knew where we were going, but I still wasn’t sure why. Like the rest of my life, as we entered, my eyes were confronted with the notion that my room had changed as well. Unlike other Littles though, whose rooms were changed out of spite or humiliation most of the time, mine was changed out of necessity. The rocking chair was new, but comfortable whenever Nancy read me a story. The books, no longer read by me, or even held by me, had grown simplistic and overly colorful. A changing table, crib, and my wardrobe had all changed as well and everything had now been bathed in pink, purples, or some kind of pastels that blended in nicely. It was a wonderfully comfortable room, but I was still confused why we were up here to feed me. Sitting down in the rocking chair and cradling me back in her arms, Nancy didn’t seem satisfied with my position for far longer than normal. Once she stopped moving me around though, I was too low to be read to, yet too high to be spanked. It was extremely comfortable though, and I felt I could even doze off quite easily, but I still had to question it all in the first place. ‘Had Nancy finally cracked like I did? Couldn’t I have just been fed before she did though?’ As if to punctuate my pressing concern my stomach rumbled again. Nancy smiled down at me. “You know… Mrs. Gillies and I have been talking for a while now. She’s been a big help in making sure you were cared for with your new disabilities, but she’s been slowly suggesting other things that could help us bond better. One, I even bought pills for, but as it turned out, coincidentally, I found out I didn’t even need them a few days ago. I wasn’t sure if to tell you or not, but I think as a kind of recommitment from me to you, I should tonight.” I was still confused, but my eyes bugged out in further confusion as Nancy began to unbutton her shirt. I could feel the heat radiating off her body and I hoped that’s where it would all end. It didn’t though and I froze in shock as she unbuttoned a clasp on her bra and revealed her chest fully to me. “See baby… I’ve been thinking that I should become something more for you. I’ve just been torn between my work and home life lately, but tonight, I realized I really should be focusing on you. You need me right now, and if my job doesn’t understand in this world, I will just find another. After all, it’s not every day I try to start being a mommy to my Little now, is it?” she asked down to me. Her words were full of tenderness and her touch was as soft as ever, but I saw a twinkling of some kind in her eyes. I wasn’t sure what it was at first, but I soon realized that it was desire. She had shown it before, but now, her desire was to care for me and to be my new mommy. Yesterday, I might have just cooed at the idea, but today, I felt very different. Unfortunately, once again tonight, my Little babyish instincts began to take over right then. Maybe it was the smell coming off Nancy or the sight of her exposed nipples, but still without much control over my body, my face began to head right for her chest without question or much resistance. Being fully aware of everything and still feeling that something was off, though I couldn’t quite place it, I could only view my actions as an outside observer in silent horror. See, while my memory was still fragmented, I did remember a few things about Bigs and Littles, namely about breastfeeding. Just the situation in general was the stuff of most Littles nightmares, but there were also several facts about it, all interesting to observe but not necessarily witness firsthand. Chiefly though, I remembered something about the hormones in women Bigs specifically. Breastfeeding tended to form a bond they couldn’t break. It was similar for Littles, but the bond formed in half the time for Bigs. Worse, the bond tended to come with a few side effects, namely a change in the personalities of the women feeding their Littles. As my lips wrapped around her nipple, I could do nothing but watch in terror and panic over what was going to happen next. Horrifyingly, as my still regressed instincts took over, I found myself growing attached to the milky substance now trickling down my throat. It was difficult at first, and occasionally Nancy would wince and tell me “No teeth,” but my body just seemed to want more of the wonderous liquid. For her part, Nancy only just cooed at me and stroked my hair in clear contentment. Buried deep, I felt the liquid almost tasted like a milkshake and was the best thing I had ever consumed, but my newly awakened mind burned with the shock of everything that was going on. Before today, everything seemed boring but routine. I could have mapped the next years of my life out with no problem. Once I had awakened though, everything now felt like it was so up in the air. Nancy seemed so much more set on becoming my mommy, but conversely, I felt certain that I wanted more in this life. I wanted to run, play, and jump outside. I knew my path back was difficult, if not impossible, but my goals were still there. As I began to drift off and Nancy just continued to smile in near pure bliss down at me though, I had no idea if her possible new personality would even allow me to. No matter what, I just felt the tremendous weight of the future bearing down on me and all the uncertainties and challenges I was sure to face. For now, though, I just drifted off as I continued to suck down the creamy liquid.

Like thedman, I have a problem with this. As I write, Mike has received only $111 of his monthly $400 request. A contribution on your part would be a thoughtful gesture.

Sometime a little over a week ago, I think it was a Saturday, the odometer on my permanently nappy-clad life clocked over 5 years. Any chronologists reading may already have realised that my blog on this is already well more than 5 years old and so my life in nappies must also be more than 5 years. This is true. I went into nappies full time in late 2018 but this only lasted a little more than 2 months before I went back into grown up pants in order to spend a few weeks working integrated with a short holiday in the USA. It proved to be my last ever annual month-long pilgrimage there for work as the world, and my world in particular was going to implode in 2020 but I didn’t know that then. Furthermore, if I’d known then what I know now about how to wear nappies as a grown up, I wouldn’t have come out of them for that trip. It was the first week of April 2019 that I put on a BetterDry in the Qantas Club lounge bathrooms at Los Angeles airport to stay in them ever since and that was a little over 5 years ago. Five years would have seemed like an impossibly long time back then but here we are. I think I was downstairs painting a garage at the time our planet completed its fifth orbit of our star whilst I peed in my pants. I forgot to celebrate, or even to remember. I think that’s emblematic for how things look like to me right now. There isn’t much “nappy news” to see on a daily basis and frankly, it’s sometimes tough to think about what there might be left to write about them. Frankly, I’ve found it to be a curiously flat milestone although this may well just be my general mood. There’s a bit going on right now in the “rest of life” department. So many other things have changed in my life over this 5 years that it’s hard to work out what, if any, changes are nappy-related. I still think I’m happier in my nappy. It’s hard to be sure because I’ve largely forgotten what it’s like NOT to be in them. For sure the thought of taking them of does induce some low-level anxiety but who’s to say that this isn’t a natural anxiety in the face how accustomed I’ve become, both physiologically and mentally, to semi-automatically peeing myself. There’s also some legitimate anxiety about keeping the marital bed dry. Speaking of marital, I’m still married. It’s not been without collateral cost and I think at 5 years, I need to accept that I have all the tolerance and support that I’m ever going to get (ie: not much). She still hates my nappies which means she hates an aspect of me and that eats away at me like battery acid. I thought I’d be more resilient to that but rust never sleeps. Back on day zero I’d just assumed that if I ever lasted as impossibly long as 5 years in nappies, I’d be totally incontinent and the burden of choice would have been alleviated from me. I would no longer have to CHOOSE nappies, I would simply NEED them. That’s proved to be not quite true. What I have is nappy dependence. It means that I need nappies for simple practicality. I need to pee far too frequently and with far too much urgency to stray too far from a toilet. This is now to the point where it’s too burdensome to remain dry whilst conducting something resembling a normal day. My nappies let me operate like a normal person, or even on some levels a bit better. It’s ME who can sit through the whole “Dune” movie but at the end of the day, I’m in nappies because I have made a weird choice. I could retrain. I have still not escaped the responsibilities of my strange choices. Having said that, there’s been, quite recently, one or two glimmers of something that looks like incredibly mild incontinence. There have been damp sneezes. There’s the bedwetting thing but some part of me knows that paradoxically, this is some kind of deliberate behaviour, albeit “deliberate” at a subconscious level where logic and strategy don’t get much airtime. The occasional decision to pee without waking up is coming from my brain, not my bladder though. There’s probably some volition-worthy choice points I could make that would avoid my occasional bouts of night swimming. I’m just not sure what they are. So where to next? Five years isn’t really that long, only half as long as Ivan Denisovich’s Gulag sentence in Solzhenitsyn’s novel and generally speaking, in my Gulag the catering is better. Year 6 I suppose. Perhaps something interesting will happen then. “Interesting’ of course, may well be more in the context of the apocryphal Chinese curse than “engaging” but we’ll see.

How many of you grew up wetting the bed? I certainly did. I wasn't reliably dry at night until my early 20s.

For me, I can never give up my diaper that's cause being an adult baby and incontinent, I am stuck in diapers forever and permanently. Not being potty trained and having incontinence is the reason why I can never, ever be allowed out of diapers. It's a part of my life and part of me that I am diapered no matter where I am. I'm perfectly accepting that I will always be diapered and babied. I feel completely comfortable being an adult baby and knowing my mom accepts me as an adult baby. She even allows me to have baby bottles and other baby things around me. I love being an adult baby because I can be an adult in my own way, and I don't have to be potty trained to be an adult, grown-up, and big kid. Diapers also prevent me and deny me the ability to be potty trained. It even shields me from the stressful adult world. They keep me young, diapered, and babied in an adult world. I just like diapers so much cause I am a diaper girl who can't be potty trained and trusted to stay dry.

I'm back! Thanks y'all for being patient during my hiatus. 💜 It's a Briana chapter, and she's got a sleepover planned with all her Little friends. Exciting! 18 Sleepover It was a gorgeous spring Saturday in the Rasmussen house. The windows were open to let in fresh air and birdsong. The wood floor of the house’s great room glowed in the late morning light, freshly polished. From top to bottom, the house was immaculate, far more so than during a regular Saturday cleaning. This was mainly due to Briana’s and her Round Table's efforts. Briana paced in front of the stuffies lined up on the living room couch. One by one, she inspected the chore each stuffie had been assigned. · Knight Captain Alanna: Responsible for beating the dust out of the rug – done. · Squire Beartholomew: Asked to put out a bowl of chips and a bowl of cut strawberries – done. · Sir Chuck the Giraffe: Charged with dusting the furniture – done. · Sir Mimsey the Bat: Tasked with putting away toys and arranging throw pillows and blankets – done. · Sir Arnold the Pangolin: Trusted to put plastic glasses and a juice pitcher on the coffee table – not done! “Sir Arnold the Pangolin, I’m very disappointed you’re not finished with your job.” Briana shook her head at Arnold the Pangolin. “Luckily for Sir Arnold the Pangolin, your Princess is in a good mood. Plus, there’s still time before our guests arrive.” Briana snatched Arnold the Pangolin up and sprinted to the kitchen. Mindful of her pretty pouf dress with its lace overlay, she and Arnold the Pangolin took the glasses on the first trip and the pitcher on the second. The dress and lace were black, so the grape juice probably wouldn’t stain her if spilled, but it wasn’t worth the risk. She hadn’t spent her morning getting dolled up like a Little version of her gothy mom only to ruin it at the last minute. All chores were finished, and the snacks were ready. There was only one problem – no guests! Frustrated, Briana trotted across the hardwood floors in her brand new black and white Mary Jane’s. The clicky-clack noise her shoes made was enough fun that she didn’t feel like throwing a tantrum when she found Veronica – Briana was merely impatient. “Momma!” Briana hopped on the drawing room’s plush rug, which didn’t make a fun noise but had a delightful squish. Veronica was sitting primly in a black leather armchair with her laptop on her lap. She took an interminably long moment to finish whatever she typed before looking up. “Yes, Baby Bee?” “When’s Grandma going to get back? She’s been gone for ages.” “Michelle had three Littles to pick up, all living in different parts of town. I’m sure she’ll be back any minute.” Veronica smiled. “I’m glad you’re so excited, though. Did you finish all your chores?” “Barely! Arnold the Pangolin was sandbagging again.” Briana did a twirl for the joy of seeing her skirt flare out. Twirling was almost as fun as being at eye level with her mom. It only happened when Veronica was sitting or crouching down, which made it easy for Briana to stay in Littlespace around her mother. Two friends on their way were petite as well, though not as tiny as Briana. Nobody in the whole Graduate school was as tiny as her. Arthur was the opposite of Tiny, which made the ease with which he slipped into Littlespace impressive. Briana wondered if she should have Alanna commend him for it or if he’d be upset to have his size brought up. “Briana, are you listening to me?” Veronica had set her laptop aside and took Briana’s hands, pulling the Little girl into her lap. “Sorry, Mom, I was thinking about my friends. I can’t wait until they get here.” With a happy sigh, Briana leaned against her mom and tucked her head under Veronica’s chin. “I asked if you needed a change before they get here, but I can see you’re too distracted to notice.” Veronica flipped Briana’s skirt up and squeezed the Little girl’s diaper. “You’re dry, good girl.” It was funny how something that had used to bring Briana to tears – being diaper checked – had become such a comfort and reminder of Mom’s love. “Melody is going to play with us, too, right?” Briana squirmed until she had her arms around her mom and gave her a tight squeeze. “They said they would, so it’s a promise, and they have to play with us.” “I’m sure your sibling will happily play with you.” Veronica kissed Briana atop her head. “They said they were looking forward to it. But they won’t be here immediately, so don’t be disappointed. You’ll have plenty to do when Michelle returns with your friends anyway.” “Oh my gosh – I mean Goddess – it’s going to be so fun! Thanks for letting me have a sleepover, Mom.” Veronica got a funny look on her face when Briana invoked the Goddess. She always had a weird look when Briana brought up the one thing in her life that Briana hadn’t yet gotten to experience. This time, it was just a look instead of a swat or a frown. Mom even gave Briana a little squeeze. There could be no better time to ask Mom, especially after Briana had been such a good girl with her chores. “Momma, can I go with you to the next esbat?” “Not the next one.” Veronica put a finger on Briana’s lips to silence her whine. “April’s esbat is scheduled for the end of the month, during the dark of the moon. It’ll be one of our more serious ceremonies, and it won’t be a good introduction to the coven for anyone, especially a Little girl.” “But Momma!” “Let me finish. Beltane will be at the beginning of next month and the perfect time to introduce my bouncy, sparkly daughter.” “Really?!” Briana’s enthusiastic hug squeezed a grunt out of Veronica. “Mom, that’s super exciting! Can Melody come if I convince them?” “Only if they really want to come, and not if they agreed because you were badgering them.” “Melody loves me and you too; they’ll come.” Briana hopped off Veronica’s lap and did three spins in a row, giggling. “Thanks, Mom! I’m going back to the living room, so I’ll be ready when Grandma gets here.” “Don’t forget that your grandmother is in charge of your sleepover. Jane and I will be here, but you’d better not come to ask us for something she’s already said no to.” “Mom!” Briana’s exclamation of shock had little effect on Veronica’s knowing look. Reluctantly, Briana nodded. “That was only one time. But I promise I won’t. Okay, love you, momma. I’m going to watch the door now!” ~~~*~~~ Twenty eons later, or twenty minutes later – who’s to say – Briana heard a car pull up outside the house. An excited squeal burst out of her when the door opened, revealing Grandma and a train of bashful Littles. Grandma Michelle was dressed in a sturdy blue shift dress and looked downright vigorous; her health scare from Christmas seemed well behind her. Briana hugged Grandma, Arthur, Fabi, and Ava, adding a quick kiss to her girlfriend’s hug. They were all dressed Little, too. Arthur was in shortalls that looked like regular overalls that had been cut off and hemmed. He had a backpack over one shoulder and a stuffed tyrannosaurus under his arm. Fabi was in a purple, short-sleeved dress with a crazy amount of lace under her skirt. Her bag was an adorable teddy bear backpack – she had an elephant stuffie clutched in one hand. Ava wore a rainbow tie-dye t-shirt and lime green shorts that didn’t do much to hide her diaper. Her bag was a laundry bag – she looked like she was having trouble managing it, her crutches and her teddy bear Brownie all simultaneously. Briana took Ava’s bag, then Fabi’s and Arthur’s, to not to single her girlfriend out. With an oof from the weight, Briana set the bags by the stairs. “Hi everybody, thanks for coming to my sleepover! We have snacks and juice and anything you want; just ask.” “You’re all welcome to have some snacks, but don’t fill up.” Grandma guided the Littles into sitting positions on the living room rug. “I’ll have lunch for you in a few minutes.” “What’s for lunch?” Fabi asked. “Lefse! You’re going to love it. It’s potato flatbread with butter and sugar.” Briana bounced happily on her padded rear at the chorus of aahs from her friends. “I know you all kinda met at my birthday, but did you get re-introduced in the car if you needed to?” Briana asked. “I can do introductions! Or we can introduce our stuffies.” “We had a chance to talk in the car.” Arthur chuckled. “Your grandma squished us all into the back seat of her car,” Ava said with a giggle. “Also, Brownie has already met your stuffies, but he’d love to meet Athur’s and Fabi’s.” “This is Elle!” Fabi scooted up to Ava, shoving her elephant urgently toward Brownie. “Hi, Ellie,” Ava said for Brownie, waving his paw. “I’m Tommy,” Arthur said in the squeaky falsetto he used for his stuffed tyrannosaurus. Briana giggled and grabbed her stuffed Lioness. “Alanna knows Tommy and Brownie but is very pleased to meet Elle.” “Brownie is a kshatriya, which is kind of like a knight.” Ava declared. “Are Tommy and Elle knights like Alanna is?” “Of course, I’m a knight!” Arthur squeaked for Tommy before switching to his usual bass rumble. “Sorry, Tommy, but you know you can’t pass the qualifications.” With Athur’s help, Tommy had a stomping fit on the Little boy’s leg. “I think Elle can’t pass the tests or whatever either.” Fabi cuddled her elephant close. “She’s not into scary stuff like fighting.” “Then Brownie and Alanna will protect Tommy and Elle if needed.” Briana declared. In response, Ava grinned, scooting over to Briana to bump her hip against Bri’s. The sweet smell of potato pancakes followed Grandma out of the kitchen. Though she had food on the stove, Michelle managed to pour each Little a glass of juice and check their diapers. There were lots of blushy giggles in Grandma’s wake, especially from Ava. When the pancakes arrived, they were as delicious as they’d been the first time Grandma had made them. Savory, sweet, and buttery tastes filled Briana’s mouth with delight and her tummy with warmth. Besides the clinking of plates, the room was quiet as the Littles devoured their lunch. Briana cleared the lunch plates without being asked – because she was the best Little girl ever. While she was doing that, Grandma whisked Ava away for a diaper change, redoubling Ava’s blush. Briana plopped down on the floor between Arthur and Fabi, pulling them both into a hug. “I have to tell you two about something a bit scary that happened to Ava.” Briana was glad to see her friends responding with curiosity rather than nervousness. She had the mellowing power of Lefse to thank for that. “Ava and I were out together the other day and ran into some anti-ABDL protestors. One of them pushed Ava over and hurt her pretty badly.” “What?” Arthur’s jaw dropped, his expression struggling between Big rage and Little Concern. “Is she okay? I mean, she looks okay, but…” Fabi trailed off nervously. “She’s okay now, but it was terrifying; we had to call an ambulance.” Briana sighed. “Don’t make a big deal when she comes out, because she doesn’t like talking about it, but I wanted you to know that mean people are getting aggressive with Littles.” Arthur sighed. “Great, one more thing to deal with in town.” Fabi nodded. “So much for ever going out, now that I’m full-time Little.” “No! We can’t let them win. I have a plan to fix it; we’ll talk about it when Ava gets back.” “Talk about what?” Ava asked, maneuvering deftly on her crutches ahead of Grandma. Briana squirmed out from between her friends in time to pull Ava into a snuggle as she sat. “Fixing what happened to you the other day.” “That reminds me,” Michelle said. “Have you ever heard back from the police, Ava? I know Briana hasn’t.” Ava shook her head. “Not yet, but it’s only been a few days.” “Oh, that won’t do at all.” Michelle pulled her phone out of her purse. “You kids, go ahead with what you were doing. I’m going to give the police chief a call.” Arthur and Fabi looked at Briana in surprise. Before Briana could answer, Ava shrugged at them. “Her family just does stuff like this.” “My family and I have a lot of privilege in this town – and I’m going to put it to good use.” Briana squeezed Ava. “What happened to Ava is not okay. I don’t like seeing protestors or people talking badly about Littles. We’re not hurting anyone. They’re the ones harassing and hurting people.” “What are we supposed to do about it?” Arthur frowned. “It’s not like you can take away people’s right to protest. Even if they’re protesting for something mean.” “Of course not, but we can keep them from hurting people when they do it.” Briana thumped a fist on the rug. “And if we convince people that it’s okay to be Little, they’ll stop protesting alone.” “You’re talking about an activism campaign?” Ava scooted away from Briana, frowning. “Briana, I can’t even see my old friends; I can’t go on TV or whatever!” Fabi whimpered. Arthur kept quiet, but he looked as uncomfortable as Fabi did. “I’m not asking anybody in this room to do public stuff.” Briana looked up at Grandma with a smile. “Well, maybe Grandma. But mostly, it’ll be me and my aunt Kiara – she already said she’d help.” “Then you’re just – warning us that you’re going public about this?” The look on Ava’s face said that they would have to have a big conversation about Briana’s plan. That was okay. Briana knew that she could trust her girlfriend to understand once she explained things properly. “That’s part of it, but I could also really use your help! There’s tons of stuff to do that doesn’t involve showing your names or faces. I’ll need help writing letters, calling people, making lists of people to call, making flyers, keeping track of donations, and all kinda stuff.” “You’ve really thought about this.” Ava looked more thoughtful than uncomfortable – a good sign! “Wow, Bri, that’s a lot. You seem kind of like that day you, um – ran into me downtown and bought me cocoa.” Arthur smiled bashfully. “You mean when I was Big and you were Little? Well, I’m still Little, but I can do this! We don’t forget stuff when we’re Little, right? If anything, I think we understand stuff better.” “I just sit around most of the day when I don’t have a babysitter.” Fabi squirmed, her diaper crinkling. “It’d be fun to have something to do, but I’m not a good organizer.” “You could put letters in envelopes!” Briana grinned to see an eager smile on Fabi’s face. “Yeah, I could! Um, could I put cute stickers on them, or would that mess up the plan?” “That would be perfect!” Briana grinned, reaching out to grab Ava and Arthur’s hands. To her delight, Fabi took Arthur and Ava’s other hands. “We can do this Little-style! So, will you help me, please?” “Of course, we’re friends, right?” Arthur squeezed Briana’s hand. “I’m in for decorating and mailing stuff!” Fabi grinned. “It’s scary that you’re going to be publicly ABDL,” Ava sighed. “If you could be careful when you’re out with me, I’d really appreciate that. Even if it is scary – I’m in.” “Yay! Thank you, everybody! Especially you, Ava, for being super brave. I’ll be as careful as I can, I promise.” Ava rolled her eyes, though she was smiling from ear to ear. “You’re lucky I love you, Looney Tunes.” Briana’s giggle at what she hoped was a new nickname was short-circuited by the phrase immediately preceding the name. “You love me?” Ava ducked her head bashfully. “That just slipped out, but – I guess I do.” “I love you so much!” Briana tackled her girlfriend, giggling madly and kissing her all over her face. Ava laughed back, clinging to Briana until they settled into a loving hug. “I hope I’m not interrupting.” Michelle peeked into the back of Arthur and Fabi’s diapers, getting a squeak out of them. “Ava, I told the police chief that his inaction was disappointing. He knows at least some of the names of people that were protesting, but he didn’t want to bother them.” Grandma tutted disapprovingly at the police chief as she untangled Briana and Ava, checking their diapers in the process. “He’s motivated to bother them now. We should have a name and some charges for the person who pushed you soon, as well as a restraining order.” Ava sighed gratefully, leaning against Michelle’s leg. “Thank you, uh… Ms. Rasmussen?” “You can call me Grandma if you want, dear. All you darling kids can if you want. You’re Briana’s friends, after all.” She clapped her hands dramatically. “Now! You’ve got full bellies and dry diapers. Briana gave me a list of activities for the day, including a movie, a blanket fort, and playing Cloudland. Which would you like to do first?” “We can’t play Cloudland until Melody gets back.” Briana protested. “Then it’ll be one of the other two. We’ll let your friends pick. Ava, Arthur, Fabi, what’ll it be, couch fort or a movie?” “Blanket fort?” Arthur asked excitedly. “Yeah!” Ava and Fabi said together. “Then we need to get the coffee table moved to the side. Some rolled-up mattresses can go in its place. You kids get busy doing that while I get the sheets to drape between the couches.” “Got it, Grandma!” Briana grinned, tugging mightily – and uselessly – on the coffee table. With Arthur’s help, they got it moving smoothly enough that they didn’t spill any snacks. Fabi pulled mattresses into place while Ava rolled them out. The Littles were in a snuggle-pile on those mattresses with their stuffies only a few minutes later. Grandma stretched sheets from couch to couch, pinning them in place. She even put a pillowcase across the entrance between Mom’s armchair and a sofa, making a cute door flap. The inside of the fort took on a dreamy blue and green hue from the sun filtering through the sheets. “Fabi, get the snacks!” Briana fished an arm through the sheet-walls to pull the rest of her round-table into the fort. “This is so fun.” Arthur giggled. “I wish we could sleep under here tonight.” Ava nodded eagerly. “That is the best idea!” Briana kissed her girlfriend soundly on the cheek before looking up to shout at the sheet-ceiling. “Grandma, can we sleep in the fort instead of Melody’s room like we planned?” “You don’t need to shout, Little Rose. I heard you and Ava both just fine.” Grandma chuckled. “Ava’s idea is a great one. We’ll get your sleeping bags in there when it’s bedtime.” Resuming their cuddle pile, the Littles munched on chips and gave their stuffies a dance party. Briana was feeling extra snuggly regarding Ava after her girlfriend’s declaration of love. Happily, Ava was the same. They stayed spooned together every minute that they played in the fort. The sleepover was already the bestest fun since Briana’s birthday and promised to get even better when Melody arrived. Through all the snuggles and laughs they were sharing, Briana’s heart overflowed with love for all three of her friends. Protecting them and their magical time together was more important than ever. Briana couldn’t imagine the kind of person who could object to the fun they were having as Littles – but she knew they were out there. That’s okay! I’ll change their minds as quickly as Grandma changes my diapers!

Just to clairify one thing.. The one strike policy applies to stories involving minors. You won't get nuked for other rules.

mommy changed me out of a poopy tykables unicorns diaper 20 minutes ago. she changed me into a clean tykables overnights with a booster ready for bed. what she doesn't realise is that I did a nice long pee it 5 minutes ago. my diaper is nice and wet ready for night night. see you in the morning

No offense, but I think if you want to do something like this, you should be consulting with the forum mods and getting an advertising type forum added. This forum has always been about stories written for the general members to be able to see. Yes some authors have subscription platforms where chaprmtes are posted before they become free, but people are not trying to post teasers to sell their e books

Marry fought against the unending tide of pleasure that the vibrator forced on her. She would not cum in public. She gritted her teeth and kicked her legs. Yet, she was loosing the battle and she knew it. Her struggling turned frantic as she felt her body loose it battle to pleasure. "MMMMMM" she cried out as waves of pleasure forced itsway out of her right into her waiting panties. It took a few moments for marry to somewhat pull her senses back. Only their was a new promblem. The vibrator was still going. "Mmmph Heprh" Mary tried to beg for someone to come turn off the vibrator. Yet all that came out were unintelligible grunts quickly turning into the moans of a whore. Orgasm after Orgasm hit her as the vibrator kept forcing her senstive loins with unwanted pleasure. "Hi there! Its your turn sweetie." A condescendingly sweet voice broke through the pleasure. As she vaguely felt the stroller begin to move. Hope blossomed in Marry's now muddled mind. Maybe the vibrator would finally. That hope died as the vibrator kept going forcing her to cum again. They eventually made it to what seemed like a children's clinic sized up for adults. They passed by a waiting room and Marry noticed that their were no children's toy or chairs. Instead sybians replaced the colored chairs that would normally be in such a place, with restrains added on, instead of toys their were expensive looking plastic pony rides with a metal bar set in its centor. A young blong women dressed like an old fashion mom was reading a book in the only chairs, One plain white chair for each sybian, that were in the waiting room. On the sybian close to the womens chair was a girl dressed up in cutsy princess pajama accented by her diaper bulge. She had a red stuffy nose and was crying. Eventually Marry was wheeled into a doctors room. She expected to be allowed to at least move around, instead 2 caretakers carried her over to the examination table all the while a third caretaker kept the vibrator angled on her now ruined pink panties. "Hello. Little marry, I see your in good health. We just need to give you a few shots and you can be on your way to "messy" training." The man pulled out 3 syringes and begun to explain one each shot would do to the barely paying attention marry. "This first shot is going to regulate your weight. Once this has run through your system you will no longer be able to gain weight. Unfortunately, you will have to eat 2 to 3 times more then normal. It will also mean you will need more frequent diapers changes." Without warning she felt the doctor inject the needle into her. "This one is something of an aphrodisiac. It will enhance your sense of pleasure while reducing your sens of pain." Once again it was immediately injected into her. "Finally we have this third bit of medicine. It will reduce your emotional control and will hopefully make you have a few public tantrums." The final needle was injected in.

Just dropped in to state the obvious, for anyone who's reading this: I don't know how I would get through my day without wearing a diaper. My job has become so busy lately, I have no time to get and do anything, let alone go to the bathroom. My wife has been bringing me my lunch at my desk when she's home. It's nice that I can simply forget about the plumbing department until I stand up to stretch, and realize that my diaper has bulked up a bit. It's also been a crutch for me psychologically - when I have to focus on a task that's not at the top of my list of things to do, I think to myself, "At least I can wear a diaper while I do this..." I think she had gotten used to seeing me up here in my office in a diaper and a golf shirt, dressed for Zoom & Teams meetings where the horizon line is conveniently mid-chest, although with the cooler weather, I have been tending to wear trousers. But it's getting nice out again and we are drifting towards the "pants optional" months, so I shall once again be testing her tolerance. I'm still kind of self-conscious about pacifiers during the day, or really anytime outside of when I'm actually in bed, under the covers. I've accepted that when I'm sleeping and she's watching something on her tablet or phone, that she can see I have a pacifier going, although putting it in is the second last thing I do, followed only by turning out my bedside lamp. As I've explained before, it's at least partially for her benefit - she used to elbow me away some nights because I was clicking my teeth There was a stretch a while ago - a couple of years, actually - where I was working on a big, detailed project, and I started using one while I was concentrating, almost like chewing gum, but once I got back to doing frequent online meetings, I stopped using one during the day. Forgetting your paci is clipped to your shirt could be a career-ending move. I may implement it again - I did find it relaxing, although I don't know if I could "get over myself" enough to actually use it in front of anyone, when I'm not sleeping. I have wondered if a pacifier could be a weight loss crutch, again, like chewing gum - if I used one while watching TV, would I be less compelled to snack? But then I feel like I'd look absurd. But then again, I'm also generally sitting there in a big diaper, so... The ultimate invention would be a pacifier into which you could pour Scotch. Sort of the baby bottle equivalent of a shot glass, with a really tiny orifice... I shall begin assembling the blueprints for the patent office.

Looking at what you were intiatied into ABDL in, vs what you are getting rid of. They are not even related. If those were all I could get, I would quit too

Wore one last night for the first time. Impressive capacity, kept me dry overnight and I still felt dry in the morning. Comfortable fit, slightly wider in the center, which I like for gap free thigh folds. InControl BeDry Night

Article says they were dumped on the same roads as before, I think it's the same person.........

Assume this is just a configuration error. Tell them that there seems to be a cert installed that doesn't match your domain name. When that is fixed, check your content and see if you can see any of the thumbnail stuff and delete it.

I agree - pacifier addict, which is Rearz. That's their size 6 adult pacifier, with a print on it - but you can customize them, so it may be something someone ordered, rather than something they list. I was going to get one with a Pampers logo on it when I was there in person a couple of years ago, but whereas the pacifier costs like $5, adding the print brought it up to $20 or something... not worth it to me. I have like 25 of them already. But if you find that image and go to them with it, they can make that for you.

Tried my first one a week ago overnight. Absorption is very impressive, lasted me over 10 hours totally soaked and very swollen! Would not have been able to get pants on over it, at least my jeans. Only problem I have is the side panels are not as long as on other diapers. I barely got them overlapped on each side enough to tape them together. I also did not like the hook and loop tapes. They would not hold (I have the same issue with Beyond XP5000) and had to pin it on with diaper pins through the tapes. Otherwise from my using only one so far, the diaper itself is excellent! Just wish the side panels were a little longer and they had dual tapes instead of hook and loop.

Congrats on the five years! I love the Solzhenitsyn reference, he's one of my favorite authors.

@ValentinesStuffIf the request had come in pre covid I could have listed them up and down the stack, or at least into the high medical market. While the medical market has stay fairly even, the ABDL market has exploded in the last 4 years. I have lost track and lost count and there are several that I have not ever tried.

I didn't go out of my way to make one but I collected them as part of something I put together awhile back. I'm kinda with @Little Sherrion this one. ISO capacity after the 5 or 6k mark is nearly meaningless. Any diaper in that category will hold a ton and the fit and comfort will probably make a bigger difference than SAP/Fluff content.

Wish I could, but I can't even afford a pack of diapers without having to constantly visit goodwill or other thrift stores in search of them...

Music blasted out of Danny’s phone as he danced around his room. He felt refreshed and revitalized and for the first time in the last couple of weeks, he felt hopeful for his future. He carelessly bounced about, carefully folding his clothes as he put them away, stowing his belongings in their place as he made the room his once again. He knew Crystal wouldn’t tolerate things half haphazardly scattered around the room or shoved in the closet, but he honestly didn’t even need that extra bit of motivation for once. He wanted to be doing exactly this. Stuffed animals were rearranged as he repositioned them around the room, ensuring his favorites were stacked in his crib as he sorted through various toys and found them new homes. Sure nearly nothing had changed since last he’d been in here, but he still wanted it to feel fresh and new. He wanted it to feel like home. The music spread throughout the house as Danny skipped and hopped about, organizing his items throughout the house as he unpacked his toiletries in the guest bath, picking up various loose items of Crystal’s along the way. In what little time he had before Crystal’s car could be heard pulling into the driveway over his blasting music, he’d managed to make it feel more like home then his previous apartment. He knew this is where he was supposed to be. He quickly paused his music, running towards the front door just as Crystal opened it, greeting her as she entered with a few bags in tow. “Can you go grab the last couple items from the car, sweetie?” Danny felt invisible. Free from any peering eyes as he practically skipped out to the car, grabbing the few remaining bags of groceries before shutting the door and running back inside as Crystal watched with a smile. “Hi, buddy…” Crystal said with a sweet tone, watching him happily frolick into the kitchen with the bags. “Somebody’s had a big mood change,” Danny nodded with a massive grin, crossing his hands as he stood up on his tippy toes in his best attempt to look cute. Crystal stopped what she was doing for a moment to smile lovingly at him, blowing him a gentle kiss as he twirled back and forth. “Why don’t you go get naked for Mommy?” She said, “I’ll be right in after I put some of this stuff away,” Danny didn’t question it as he quickly hurried back down the hall and into his nursery, eagerly pulling his clothes off as he tossed them in the empty hamper before rolling around in his soft crib as he waited. “Where's my little cutie?” She called out, carrying a handful of items in with her including baby wipes and lotions, setting them down on one of the bookshelves. “There he is!” She said, quickly tickling his exposed waist as he squirmed about. “Are you ready to become Mommy’s cute little baby boy?” Crystal cooed. Danny nodded excitedly, running over to the changing table as he jumped up. She grabbed a diaper off the shelf with the bottle of powder as she set them down next to Danny and his growing member. “Ah, is little baby excited?” She cooed, lightly pushing him on his back as she slid the diaper under him, following with a brief sprinkle of powder. His cock twitched about with excitement as it was covered with the white powder, though he knew it was bound to be left unsatisfied for the time being as Crystal pulled the diaper up over it, tightly taping it shut. “Only good little boys get to make cummies, remember?” Crystal teased, helping him off the table. “Arms up,” Crystal she said as Danny blushed, remembering his many nights with Crystal as she pulled out a light blue onesie from the closet that was covered in little clouds with an occasional plane. Danny eagerly complied as she pulled the onesie over his head, buttoning the snaps between his crotch before pulling a pacifier out of thin air as she clipped it to his collar with a string of wooden beads that quietly clanked about. “Perfect!” She said, plopping the pacifier in his mouth before taking a step back to look at him. Danny let out a smile from behind its shield as he instinctively started to soothe himself with its fat bulb. “Such a cutie,” She laughed, scuffing up his hair slightly. “Is my little baby hungry?” Danny quickly nodded, following Crystal out into the kitchen where she guided him to his old high chair, pulling the tray off so that he could climb up before replacing the tray after he got seated. “Uh! You are just too cute!” She cooed, pulling out her phone to snap a picture as he happily bounced his legs about, smiling from behind his pacifier. Crystal pulled up a stool next to him, setting a few jars of baby food out as she reached over to pull his pacifier out. “Mommy forgets, are you a messy little eater?” Danny nodded, the smile on his face growing as he let himself sink more and more into the roll. Crystal was quick to produce a bib, fastening it around his neck before cracking open one of the jars. “Here comes the plane!” She cooed, driving the spoon of baby food into his mouth as he happily gulped it down. Jar by jar, she scooped up its contents and drove the spoon into Danny’s mouth as he bounced about making a complete mess of his face as Crystal reminisced about their past times and how excited she was that he was back in her home. A warm washcloth took the mess right off his face as Crystal helped him out of his high chair, sure to place the pacifier back in his mouth. “Why don’t you go gather some toys and bring them out here to the living room so Mommy can watch you?” Crystal suggested, rounding up the now empty jars as she took them to the sink. Danny happily obliged, running off to his room to grab a few of his favorites, as well as some toys to keep himself occupied before carrying them all back out to the living room as instructed. Crystal made her way to the kitchen, pouring out a large glass of wine and filling a bottle with milk before returning to the living room, setting her wine on a side table before handing Danny his bottle. She kicked back into her recliner, kicking up the foot rest as she pulled out her laptop, ready to resume her usual nightly endeavors as Danny happily hung out with her. The movie had long since ended as Danny still laid spread out on his stomach, a large box of assorted lego pieces combined with the now cartoon shows streaming on the TV kept his mind occupied as his bodily functions progressed onwards. He froze for a moment as he gave a big push, the all too familiar feeling of his own bowels pushing against the back of his diaper as they spread across his rear. He bit down on his pacifier as he let out a soft moan, cherishing the ability to relive this experience again before realizing his moan had been audible. “Oh, you messy, messy boy,” She cooed. “I bet you’ve been waiting to do that again, haven't you?” Danny let out with a large grin but stayed otherwise silent as he continued building with his legos. He felt overly ecstatic about once again living with Crystal. “Well you keep enjoying yourself, stinky butt. Mommy’s a little preoccupied,” Danny didn’t care, he let his bladder release, lifting himself slightly to avoid any leakage out the front as he reached for his mostly empty bottle of milk. Another hour passed before Crystal finally closed the lid to her laptop, taking the last sip of her wine as he got up from her recliner. “Alright, stinker. Let’s get you ready for bed,” She said, holding out a hand which Danny quickly took to pull himself off the floor. Crystal leaned over, tightly wrapping her arms around Danny as she hoisted him into the air, placing his weight on her hip as she felt the squish of his diaper as she carried him back to his nursery and onto the changing station. “Somebody sure remembers what comes next,” She said, watching his cock twitch with excitement as she pulled the front of his messy diaper back. She reached for the drawer, pulling out the flesh light she used routinely for night time changes when her little boy had behaved all day. “You’ve been such a good boy today,” She cooed, lightly lubing the flesh light as she pushed it against his cock, delicately sliding his desperate cock inside. “I bet you’re going to cum so quick!” She hadn’t even stroked his cock once and he felt near the edge. It had been more than a month since Kelsey and him had done anything and he was beyond excited to be back with Crystal. “Maybe if you last more than a few strokes, Mommy will let you have some ice cream. Does that sound good?” She cooed, slowly lifting the flesh light before quickly pressing it back down. Danny practically burst already as he tried to hold himself back. “That's it, baby,” She said, repeating the motion as she watched him fight back the urge, biting down hard on his pacifier. “Just a few more, sweety,” She said, repeating the motion a third time as she watched him rapidly lose control, quickening her pace so as to not ruin the moment. Cum filled the interior silicon lining as Danny squirmed about in his own mess. Crystal smiled down at him, keeping her pace to draw out every ounce of pleasure she could muster out of him as hot breaths of air condensed on his pacifier's shield as he let out a long sigh. “Welcome home,” Did you enjoy the story? Consider supporting my work over on SubscribeStar! Or be sure to let me know what you thought by interacting with the post!

I mainly use a pacifier when I'm awake. I have tried sleeping with a pacifier, but due to my deviated septum, I have a hard time sleeping with one and usually end up spitting it out. I can't say much on craving for food, but I was hoping that pacifiers would curve my vaping habit. I quit smoking over three years ago but have not been able to quite vaping. Sadly it doesn't help as much as I would like. Maybe if someone came out with favored ones would help better or a nicotine pouch in a pacifier. That may cause problems though in public since I have such a bad oral fixation.

Positivity and negativity towards a particular topic are objective terms. They become subjective when prefixed by “toxic”. Toxicity is pretty easy to test for in the science space but social toxicity is a value judgement projected by one group onto another that may or may not share those values via moral relativism. There’s no doubt that ABDL behaviours can be confronting to the social norm and that some degree of negative social sanction can be expected from the general population. In this particular self-selected demographic, the normative values are greatly skewed one way and it is unsurprising that the degree of sanction is high. The corollary of that is that a place like DD is another self-selected demographic and is skewed the other way. Is there an objective “correct”? I don’t know. I didn’t much like the neo-religious preoccupation with the negative: guilt, repression, fear etc. It doesn’t seem very psychologically helpful to me. It was an interesting perspective though.

I've only ever dabbled with them while awake and very sparingly. I can't say much definitive for curbing snacking and helping with weight loss but I don't see why it couldn't help for that as long as the effort is put in. After all, part of a pacifier's original purpose was to calm and distract a child/baby from other actions and thoughts.

More than welcome...

Oh noes! I hope you get the new one done before the old one kicks off!

Epilogue Little in Love 2 – LittleFallenPrincess I sat in our conservatory, enjoying this cosy night in with Charlie, blanket wrapped around me, and a mug of hot chocolate in my hands which was keeping them nice and toasty. Charlie had fallen asleep during the movie on her own chair, snoring ever so softly like she does when she’s really content and comfortable. No longer did I have to get up stupidly early for work anymore. I had finally resigned and given up my seat now that the election was over. Landslide win again, by the way, as apparently littles weren’t put off by our previous party’s actions to vote for us again, or well… with this new party that Lorna Carter formed. So she’s no longer interim Prime Minister anymore, she’s actually the Prime Minister now. And so far… she’s not gone back on her word like her predecessor did. Speaking of him… he was thankfully jailed for his part in what happened to Charlie. And as for Chris… as punishment for his part in that crime, and to ensure safety for amazons… Chris was regressed, via hypnosis, and adopted, meaning that all plans of his device were now gone, meaning no one could recreate that evil thing and put anyone else at risk. I know I’m against regression, and the Little’s equality act now prevents non-consensual adoptions… but there was a clause for people who seriously break the law. And whilst I was discussing this clause with others, back when I was first drafting it, I was disgusted that I’d have to keep something like that in order to please the Amazons. But now… I was glad that I did. So now that my political career was over, little’s rights were enshrined in law, and everything was returning to normal… I got to enjoy this beautiful night sky through the conservatory roof with my wife. Well, she would enjoy it… if she hadn’t passed out during the movie. I’ll give her another hour or so and let her rest there, all snuggled up, as I finish the movie. We had no friends around, no commitments, not even Nessa was with us this weekend, instead it was just the two of us getting to have a romantic date night at home. Good food, good movies, the best company… What else could a girl ask for? …Except maybe a bedtime story if Charlie is feeling up to it… ----------------------- “You could have just left me in the conservatory and gone to bed, my love…” Charlie said to me as she carried me up the stairs, half asleep after I had woken her up so that we could go to bed. “Yes, but I can’t lift the side of the crib…” “You want to go in your crib tonight? How come?” She replied, yawning. “Just… feeling a bit… ickle…” “You are? So I assume you want a bedtime story?” She smiled down at me. “If you’re up for it…” “I don’t think it’s possible for me not to want to read you a bedtime story, baby girl. But it’ll have to be a short one, I’m already falling asleep again.” “Uh huh! You’ve been busy with your new book lately. You need to take some time off.” “Hun, you know how important it is. If I can get through to people in our country with my last book, I’m hoping to reach a wider audience with my next one. Maybe that could spark something in other countries… leading to something similar in those…” “Hopefully. But stop feeling like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…” I could hear something outside, a gentle hum of the air as Charlie walked into the nursery and laid me down in my crib, sitting by my side on the edge of the mattress. It was so quiet out, especially with no neighbours nearby, which meant no cars… no people… nothing. The only thing you could hear is the gentle humming of… “Do you hear that?” Charlie asked, as she picked up a story book for her to read to me. “That’s just the air outside, no?” “M… maybe. Yeah, you’re probably right.” Charlie shrugged, smiling down at me. “My Bonnie lies over the ocean…” “That… that doesn’t sound like the wind…” Charlie whispered, sounding concerned. “Did you leave the TV on?” I asked her, hoping it was just a silly thing like that and not something… yeah... “No, I made sure to turn it off…” “My Bonnie lies over the sea…” “That… that’s not the wind. Nor is it the TV. Is someone outside?” I asked. “I think so. Baby, stay here…” Charlie said, standing up but keeping the crib side down so that I could escape if I needed to. “My Bonnie lies over the ocean…” “They’re in the house…” Charlie whispered, looking increasingly more worried. She was right, that song was now in our house… “That song… it’s so… enchanting… I… can’t… I… something feels off…” It was as if my whole body felt… not mine… it was so weird… “I…” Charlie struggled to concentrate, probably feeling the same thing I was feeling, as she hid to the side of the doorway, waiting for whoever had broken in to come for me. She grabbed the heaviest thing she could, which in a nursery… was difficult. But she managed to grab a heavy ornament that she had gotten me for my birthday. I just hoped she didn’t have to use it, I loved that little fairy decoration. “Ready baby?” She prepared herself, trying to shake off the fog infiltrating her brain, holding the ornament up high, readying herself to swing at whoever was invading our home. “Oh, bring back my Bonnie to meeee…” The intruder stood in the doorway, wearing a dark robe and a dark hat… and wait… “Rose?” I called out. “Hey, my lovelies! Good to see you!” She replied, bursting into the nursery with excitement in her voice, but looking up at me with a smile that I could tell was masking something. She does have the same face as Charlie… and so too does she share the same coping mechanisms, and it was clear she was trying to appear positive, but something serious must have happened if she’s trying this hard to mask it. “ROSE? WHAT THE HELL?” Charlie yelled at her as she put the ornament down and rushed her for a hug. “Sorry for intruding…” Rose apologised, adjusting her glasses after my wife had squeezed the life out of her. “What was that song…? I felt so… weird… hearing it…” I asked. “Oh! Sorry! I… I was lost in my own head for a while there, lots has been happening and familiar things help me concentrate. I forgot that it’ll have an effect on you… my bad!” “Your…?” I was quickly interrupted by our Witchy variation who we hadn’t seen in what seems like… forever! “Anyway, I was just wondering… are you busy? A lot has happened and I really didn’t want to bother you, not after you have all your own stuff to deal with. Especially with the whole election thing… but umm… Noelle and I could… umm… use your help…” “Of course! Anything for…” Rose sighed awkwardly and quickly interrupted me. “...In… in this war of ours…” ======================================================= So... it's over! Did you all enjoy it? I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, especially the ending I gave because I was determined to give it this kind of ending. And yes, this is teasing the next... and final story of the LittleFallenVerse, Witch in Training II. ...For now at least. I do plan on coming back to this series eventually, but I've done 7 of the last 10 books set in this series, and I'd like to focus more on the monstrum series and other stories for a while. If I come up with a good story for the littlefallenverse in the future, I'll come back to this series, but once Witch in Training II is done, it'll be a while before I do. As for upcoming stories, just thought I'd update you all with the order I've got planned, which I've given to my subscribers. As of writing, the plan is: 1- 3rd Monstrum Story (This will start on Sunday 21st April, so this upcoming Sunday. Not giving away the title just yet, but look out for it usual time Sunday!) 2- Fantasy Story (This one is mostly planned out and isn't part of any series. Standalone fun story set in a fantasy world of elves and dwarves and stuff, but with some kink mixed in) 3- 4th Monstrum Story (Had a really good idea lately which kinda merged with an old idea I had for a while, so I'm super excited for this one) 4- Witch in Training II (Reason for this being left til here is because I still need to work on a lot of the plan for it, as its still in the early stages of planning) So I hope you continue to enjoy my stories as I keep posting them, and please keep commenting, comments and discussion really help keep me motivated to write! Seeing you all enjoy my stories so much makes me want to write more! Also wow... this is the tenth full length novel I've posted. and I'm very close to finishing the 11th and starting my 12th! -------------------------------------------- My new story just had it's fourth chapter on SubscribeStar, so expect it here next week (at least that's the current plan). Also thinking of opening up short story commissions now too finally, now that my writers block seems to have subsided. If you haven't seen, I'm now up and running on Subscribestar! (Sorry for the reminder again, trying to get my subscribers back after the Patreon rubbish!) ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my patrons for their support over the past couple of years! Seriously, your support meant the world to me, and I hope to be set up somewhere new soon. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

I would imagine so. But there are other ABDL things that can be used for discipline, such as pacifiers, onesies/bodysuits, one piece pajamas, baby reins, and simply language.

I will try to help as soon as I can. My computer is dying, and I'm getting a new one built later this week. Hopefully it will work a little better.

Even if you don't, that's okay too. It's nice to be in diapees every once in awhile even if you're not in them all the time. But I will say however that the bench and Purge cycle is very difficult to break. But even if you do break it and don't end up in diapers anymore, the community is still very awesome and cool, so there's that.

Now being in a relationship with someone who knows I’m gender fluid and is processing that I will never tell her about my ABDL side. Ive not been in diapers or bought any for a month now. Am I over them I’m hoping so but I do feel I have a connection here.

Hello dear readers The next chapter is ready. This time it is the first chapter that is a complete rewrite and has more new ideas in it than the last two ones. As always I would appreciate it if you find the time to write a short comment. This one is also quite long I hope you like it this way. I could have split it up halfway through but I like longer chapters when I read stories. So this has about 10600 Words. Annie Chapter 3 -Shopping and Swimming - New friends for Lila The sound of someone opening her diaper tapes woke her up. She was still lying in her bed, but someone removed her blanket and her pyjama. Oddly, the girl also noticed she was sucking on something. Without thinking, she was trying to get back into the warmth of her bed. “Wait Lila, my baby, I am still changing and cleaning you up.”, her mum whispered while holding her back. And as someone took a cold and wet wipe, starting to whip her front clean, she suddenly opened her eyes and stared into Mum’s eyes, noticing it was her thumb that she was sucking on. She took it out as fast as she could, hiding it as if it was a big secret. “Don't be ashamed, you were doing that for the last thirty minutes or so. Maybe we should get you a pacifier.”, she explained, not sounding serious. Suddenly her legs were lifting while she proceeded to whip her bum, took the dirty diaper away, and placed her on a fresh one. “You did not want to wake up, so I just started changing you because we really should head downstairs for the breakfast buffet.” As her mum flipped the absorbent underwear up her belly, her daughter tried to raise her head and saw how her mum closed the sticky tapes, securing it in place. When done, she lovingly caressed her belly. “Remember, you have your mum’s permission to just go if you feel you need the potty. No more itchy toilets for you, at least for this week.”, she mentioned her discussion from the morning again and gave her a final kiss. Just wearing the plain white padding between her legs, she got up and gave her mum a good morning hug. For some seconds they still stood there enjoying each other and the little teenage girl did not want to let her mother go. “Look, I have already unpacked your stuff.”, the adult presented the cupboard filled with her kids-sized clothes. With a short smile, she also noticed that her parents seemed to have packed most of her older colorful, and childlike stuff in the front while her cool school T-shirts were hidden in the back. “Can you dress yourself or do you need help, my little darling?” Lila looked in her mother's face and without asking she felt mum's hand tucking her into a denim overall and slid on a new shirt. You are ready for breakfast, she announced, putting her onto her still sleepy feet and heading downstairs to the morning buffet. ### As they entered the big shopping mall, the little girl was astonished by the variety of shops that this air-conditioned place had to offer. At home, they headed to the same places all the time, and Mum and her daughter already knew most of the shops and were never so surprised or astonished by new products. Here, on the other hand, everything was unknown and exciting and for the first two hours, they ended up trying every Outfit they got their hands on. There was even a big kid and teens section with a lot of colorful and funny shirts that both of them liked a lot, even if the small teeny had to admit that such an outfit would not be the best for their coolness rating in the school community. Her parents also got Lila some new shorts and dresses that the little girl liked, even if they were always on the childish side, and they had more space for Lila's new absorbent underwear. In the end, Lila and her mum were quite happy with their selection in their shopping cart, and her mum heard a whisper of thanks from her girl. “Look what they have here”, Mum called her child over as she showed her some kind of Panties made of a plastic-like material. “What are these?”, she asked the still-excited adult. Not convinced that the Panties will be comfortable to wear in the summer heat. “These are baby panties, but they seem to also have them for bigger kids here.”, her mother explained. “They are made of an odor impermeable layer and should help to keep your poopy smell at bay when we cannot change you, or you are sleeping.” The girl's face changed to red like a traffic light. “Mum!”, she stumbled, still ashamed of her mentioning her recent accidents. “Honey, at least it would be a great idea for the flight back.” “Can I help you?”, a young-looking shop assistant came over, offering his help? He was still in his late teen years and clearly just some years older than Lila. “This is our weekly offer from the special needs section. You can have 3 for the price of 2, and we have sizes all the way up to the small adult size, with nice patterns for older kids or teens who need a little extra help.” he explained. Please don't say they are for me. The teeny immediately wished her mum would be discreet enough to hide her current potty habits. “We should really try some of them”, their mum announced. “Would you do mummy a favor and choose some of them for your twin sister at home?”, she offered her child, a way to hide that the panties would be for her. “Yes, it's always best to have someone young to choose, the kids do know best what is nice and what they don't like.” “What prints do you want? Look, we have cartoon-themed ones here.”, he now showed her a big variety while his little customer suddenly noticed that the covers seemed quite soft and would maybe not be too uncomfortable. “I like this pattern.”, she suddenly started to talk to the young man, letting him offer some more similar items. Especially for the colder nights at home when she ... needed to go. But at home that would never happen, she would go back to wearing her pull-ups that barely held one of her regular bed-wetting accidents. Lila took three of them that she actually liked, and slowly walked over to her mum while suddenly noticing her need to pee, and when she relaxed the not-too-uncommon feeling of wetness spread just for a second. I do not even have to stop walking if I have to go, she thought. “That's a nice selection.” her mum praised her, putting the panties in the cart. “It's a pity that we are on vacation and cannot buy more today, we could also take a look at the nice sleepers over there.”, Mum complained to the shop assistant while she looked at all the childlike clothes that they had to offer. “Oh, sure. But we are opening stores with departments like this in every big city.”, he announced, and was clearly back to his sales pitch. “So you may also find us in a city nearby wherever you live”, and he handed Mum a flier with all the planned stores and how to find them. “Do you also have diapers on offer, I think we run low on them as well?” “Oh sure, we have them over there next to the baby diaper aisle.” Lila had always walked through diaper aisles as fast as she could because she still could not risk that someone found out about her little nighttime secret, that the pull-ups that ended up in their cart were actually for her. But now she could risk looking a little closer. She was in a different city, after all, and she could always blame it on her imaginary twin sister. From normal baby diapers to pull-ups to teen and kid-sized pampers and plain white adult incontinence underwear, she found everything. “You will need something to protect her skin … her mum talked to herself, seeming to forget the world around her and enjoying that she could shop for Lila. “And maybe some of them as well”, she added as she grabbed some packs of baby wipes and a tube of barrier cream, placing them into the shopping basket. When she headed over to get her child some more diapers, she could have easily bought the same brand they were using right now. But since the store has such a variety to offer, she wanted to take a look at all the available alternatives and if there was something better on sale. While she was astonished by the different kinds of teenage pull-ups and bed-wetting panties that could easily be mistaken for actual underwear, she discovered something else: ‘You want your child to feel dry again all through the day or night.’ She read an advertisement that advertised some pampers-green bags with a girl, in her daughter's size, laughing and having fun. ‘Up to 12 hours of absorbency now also for your older kids and teens’, was printed on the bag. She took it in her hands to look at it. It was unmistakably designed for older children like Lila, she concluded as she turned her bag and saw all the different prints and designs. Not too babyish, but still cute and with cartoon characters that would appeal to a little girl who still wets her bed or needs protection during the day. We would not even need to buy the teen version, her mum noticed as she glanced at the size indicator that was placed on the side of the package, imitating a size scale reaching from 5 years up to 18 in four additional steps. From older Toddlers, Kids, and Teens to Young Adults, this brand seems to offer tape-on diapers for all ages. We still would have time with her, going to the potty came to her mind as she noticed that Lila would easily fit into the child's size. And the price also was in the range of the medical diaper options that she wore right now. She looked over at her child instead of hiding as she did at home, her daughter was discovering the aisle on her own. Slowly waking over from the pull-ups she bought at home to the bottles and pacifiers that they offered here. Her mum did not want to interrupt her, but she still wanted to get all their things sorted out so that they could finally have something for lunch “Honey, look what I found here.”, Mum called her, showing her the bag of diapers. “They might be nicer and better than your current ones.” She raised her head shyly, came over to her, and looked at the package. In contrast to her medical diapers, these did not look like boring plain white diapers for grannies. Instead, a colorful childlike design greeted Lila, while she also noticed that they were apparently a lot thicker and would suck up all her pee and there would be fewer worries about leaky accidents like she had on the trip to the aquarium. But on the other hand, they were much more obvious when she wore them under her normal teeny clothes. “Oh, they have nice prints on them.” she finally saw as she turned the packages and immediately fell in love with the design. There were her favorite cartoons and animals again dancing in the front and back, so she closed her eyes and smiled. It would be embarrassing to wear if she would be at home, but here she could slip back to being the carefree little girl she was before she was 13 and had to play being an adult. Yes mummy, they will be great for me, she responded. When you are on vacation, did you see that they also make swim diapers for your sister? The shop assistant suddenly was back offering another bag to Lila's mum, still maintaining the white lye her mum told despite the discussion between them which he had to be able to hear for sure. They were the same brand. Swim diapers for older kids - Play safe at the pool, was written in big letters announcing its content and a boy that was maybe her age or slightly younger was having fun at the pool while posting for the cover. And a little info box at the bottom informed them that they are mandatory for all diaper-wearing children who are not completely potty-trained. “Mum, do you really think I need them.”, she asked, thinking about our hotel pool and the fun she could have at the waterslide. “Yes honey, don't you want to worry less about going potty in your diapers?”, she insisted without forcing her daughter. “But aren't they just for babies making poopies while swimming in the pool?” “You had two big poopy accidents in your diapers this week, so you should use them just in case you need to go while you are having fun splashing around. And you are so relaxed, carefree, and like a little child that I actually don't expect you to try to hold in anymore.” I was becoming red in embarrassment. Sure, I did not mind pooping in them, but she sounded like I needed them to keep myself clean. “It's completely ok if you still use your diapers like that, but you can not mess yourself in the pool. You are not fully potty-trained, so they are mandatory for you anyway if you want to still go and try that waterslide. This is their hotel pool policy and I have to insist on it.” her mum explained a little strict and decided to buy the package of swim diapers without discussing that with her any further. She looked into her eyes as if she expected another response from Lila. Maybe mum took it a bit too far, expecting her to not have enough control over her bowel, and at the same time she in fact liked wearing her nappies. She trusted her mum and now just wanted to be loved, and safe again, and even regretted arguing with her. Lila ignored her mum's words and just tried to cuddle up with her instead. And as her mum understood what the little girl wanted, she felt the comforting hand on her back, hugging her tightly. “You are a Good girl. I saw you standing at the binkies before, so I wondered do you want one for tonight?”, she offered her child and was sure she would never be able to ask on her own. She looked up to her. “Don't worry about childish stuff, remember?” she explained again as she pushed her to the pacifier and bottle aisle. “How do you like this one?” she asked as she presented a starter pack containing a slightly bigger pacifier and a baby bottle, advertised for kids six years up. While holding the little transparent pack in her hand, she could not help but smile. Mum just had chosen one with her favorite childhood hero. She truly wanted to have them, but at the same time, did not want someone to know. She held them tight as if it would be a toy she got as a reward. “Baby, no one is taking them from you”, her mum finally explained with a smile, knowing that she had done just the right thing for Lila. *** After having lunch at the fast food bistro in the mall, they headed back to the hotel to relax. Lila was also glad she could finally get rid of the sweaty pants that she had on for the shopping trip. Also, the little girl was excited to try on all her new clothes and things she got. So she lay herself down on the bed and started unpacking her stuff. As if it was Christmas Eve, and she was cheerful while discovering all her presents. She could easily unwrap her new pants and dresses and remove all the stickers they used to sell the items. “Baby, you are overdue for a diaper change”, her mum called her over. Just carrying the bag with her new slightly more childish diapers, her wipes, and the skincare products she bought to care for her child's skin. They would certainly avoid the wet or poopy accidents of her daughter, causing her any nasty diaper rash. Lila was just enjoying taking possession of all her new things and did not even notice her mum's attempt. Her mum took her time to open the bag and fluff up the first new diaper of her child. “LILA!” her mum now raised her voice, “we really need to change you before you go potty in it another time.” “Sorry mummy”, the little girl apologized, while her mum now saw the item in her baby's hand. It was the pack of pacifiers and a baby bottle that was still wrapped in thick transparent plastic and which seemed pretty childproof even for her Lila. “Oh, how could I forget”, taking the plastic object from her Hands, using her mommy force to rip off part of the plastic and letting the content drop back on the bed. “Thanks”, she spoke softly, finally holding her two binkies and the bottle in her hands. Not even noticing that her mum placed her bum back on the changing mat. “Do you think you can try to go in your pants for your mummy while she fills your leftovers from your lunch shake in your cute baby bottle?” She was asked with a smile that promised her more of the addicting motherly love. She handed over her precious treasure while spreading her legs slightly. For a moment, she had a second thought about what she was about to do. Was she just going pee or poop in her diaper just because mum told her to, while the toilet was just a doorstep away, and she could easily just head over? She was thinking about asking Mum to go potty like a big kid, but she saw her motherly love in her smiling face. Mummy asked her to, and it seemed to make her happy if she did just that instead of acting her age. And most importantly, she wanted Mum’s love and the bottle she promised her. How would her banana-flavored shake taste from a bottle? Was it different from sucking it from an adult’s cub? Was it like the formula for a baby? Lila closed her eyes and started to go potty, while she was just lying on the bed. As the warmth spread again, she started looking at her parents. And she just relaxed and relieve swapped over as she noticed all that pressure in her gone “Good girl” her mum praised her as she finally stopped wetting. She took her wipes and only seconds later she found herself in one of her new colorful Pampers-style diapers. “You look like I have my baby girl back”, mum joyed, and even Lila smiled. Her diapers were thicker but also felt comfy and secure and the design appealed to her. No longer was she, a teeny with medical issues who wore plain white incontinence pants that could have escaped any granny's cupboard in a retirement home. No, that underwear was clearly meant to make any small girly kid happy. Any kid that was not ready to finish potty training and liked to watch her cartoons instead of running to the porcelain throne. A small kid like herself. “You like it”, her mum wanted to know. Lila was shyly glazing in the mirror, looking back at her reflection that was much more an eight-year-old child and not a teenager. But instead of the other plain white version, it did not look weird. “It is so hot, do you have something light that fits over this?” the little girl complained to her mum. “Honey, you do not have to wear something over that cute diaper.” She sheepishly looked over to her parents. “It's just me and your daddy and if you go potty again or actually wet the bed, I would see it and would not need to check on you constantly. You want to cuddle some more?”, her parents offered and placed the beyond cute girl right between them, while her mum slung her head around her and suddenly had the baby bottle in her other hand. “You'd like to try drinking again.”, her mum offered, while Lila was sinking back into her parent's love. Hearing the breath of her dad and the warm but not hot skin of her mummy, she decided to let it happen. She opened her mouth and began sucking her yummy shake. First, it felt kind of strange drinking again like a toddler, but not in a bad way. And like the cuddling with her mum and dad, it also triggered her mind into being like a child and feeling so incredibly secure and loved. And after a minute or so she just enjoyed it and also noticed that the flavor was different. It tasted so creamy, and the sweet banana milk was much more intense. Again she decided that like with the diapers, she also liked it, and she wished they had never put the childish drinking bottles in the back of their cupboards at home. “Did you like that?”, her mum wanted to know as she let the empty thing slide on the blanket while her daughter was looking happy and worry-free, as she did not for a very long time. *** “Can we try the waterslide now”, Lila asked her mum as she was getting bored lying in her bed and looking at her phone. She got out of her bed and looked down on the pool area some levels down. The children were playing, laughing, and having fun. Her Mum looked up at her and smiled. “Ok, let's get you changed for swimming, then”, she announced. “Can you try if you could go potty in your diaper before we put your swim nappy on?” She then got up and took the package out of the cabinet. With a quick turn of her hand, she ripped it open. “Look how cute they are.”, she recommended them to her as showed the pull-up-styled swim nappy. A little shark was on its front and was trying to get a small fish. “Remember, fishes are friends” was printed around a little bubble that formed the pattern to make the swimming shorts more colorful. “But Mum, can I wear anything to cover it up.”, Lila demanded. “Oh, you don't like it?”, she concluded with a slightly disappointed look. Lila blushed, the swim diaper was a little childish, but she liked the prints, maybe on normal swim shorts it would appeal to her. The only problem was that you could still see what it was meant for. And she did not know how the other kids would react, would they laugh at her? “I don't think we packed your normal swimming gear.”, her dad announced as he assisted Mum in going through their stuff, searching for anything appropriate. Lila was feeling irritated by the conflict in her. She really wanted to go and have fun. Through the mirror, she noticed that her appearance was now much more the one of a much younger girl. She did not look odd, even with her now wet diaper in full view. It just made some crinkly sound as she turned. “We can buy something over it tomorrow.“, her dad suggested. “But I really want to go swimming today”, Lila complained instead. She thought about her dilemma. Yes, just wearing her diaper was a little embarrassing for the girl, but over time she slowly got used to it. And it did feel more comfortable without having to wear pants in the hot summer heat. So maybe it would not be that bad wearing it as her swimming gear just for today and without feeling confident about it, she said, “Mum, do you mind if I try it on? I really want to go and cool off, and maybe it is not as embarrassing as I expect it to be.” “Sure Thing, my cute young lady.”, she heard her and noticed as she just lifted her up and laid her back on the soft bed. “The swim nappy will not absorb your pee-pee that well, so you really should try to go in your current diaper some more”, she explained to her again, as she would to a little toddler. Lila did not know what to do, should she just try again? Here. In front of her mum. “Just push it all out.”, her mum said, with a smile that Lila could not resist. She closed her eyes and tried to go and suddenly felt she started to pee. “You are such a good little girl.”, she praised her child. Lila did not want to disappoint her Mum and she still felt my tummy was filled with some fast food we had on our shopping trip. Still keeping her eyes closed, she tried to go poopy again. But her belly did not want to, and so she opened her eyes staring back at her mummy. “You cannot go?”, her mother seemed to know, already having some fresh wipes in her hand and ready to change her. “Sorry I really tried Mummy”, Lila admitted, and she felt the soft loving hands starting to clean her up. Lila just laid on the bed and followed her parent's orders, while she was wiped and relaxed and forgot about all the worries in the world. “Look you even managed to poop yourself a little”, mum praised Lila like a baby as she found some brownies stains at her back of her protection and applied some barrier cream in order to protect her soft skin from any nasty accident she could have in the next hours. Soon she felt the swim nappy sliding up her legs. ”Up with your booty, and you are ready to go in a second.”, came her final command. Lila noticed that her new swimming gear had nearly no padding in her crotch. She stood up and had a look in the mirror. Now she in fact looked like a bigger toddler, who was still in his diapers, nobody would think she could hold it even for a minute. How could she even think about going swimming in them? On the other hand, she really liked the outfit. The shark on the front and the nice and colorful diaper looked cute on her. “You are so adorable!”, her mum praised their child, while she adjusted the leak guards. “And your swim nappy does not seem to be out of place on you at all.”, her dad added. “Even as if it was made for you.”, her mum concluded I turned around and looked them in the eyes. “Really, mummy, you think that no one will laugh at me?” she asked them shyly. “Oh, Honey. Don't you agree, you look cute.”, she said, involving her daughter a lot more. “And you wanted to go and have a swim in the pool, didn’t you?” Lila lowered her head, knowing she was right. She really wanted to go, and she didn't look too crazy or weird, just like an eight-year-old with potty training issues. Maybe this could also give her some confidence that needing diapers is not as embarrassing as she thought. “Would you come with me?”, Lila wanted her parents to accompany her today. “We don't have such a cute swimming outfit as you, but we still want to come and watch you”, her mum promised. She quickly packed a towel and wrapped me up so I didn't have to walk in the lobby with just the swim diaper on, and filled some supplies into a bag. “Do you want a lift?” Lila’s dad offered and took her on his hip as if she was really ten years younger. “Hello, you want to go swimming?”, a young-looking lifeguard, greeted them as they entered the pool Area. Lila nodded affirmatively. Look in there, you can take a shower, and you can grab some extra towels and a bathrobe for your stay. She handed her a colorful robe with some cartoon characters on it, while her parents received a boring, plain white version. Without thinking about the not-too-normal swimwear, Lila put her burrito-style dress on a hanger and headed to the shower that promised a much cooler feeling on the hot afternoon. “Oh good, she is already wearing a swim nappy.", the lifeguard praised her parents. “We always welcome it when our guests take the pool regulations seriously.” “Do you also have some swimming aids for her? The pool is really deep in some places, and it is much safer for kids her age.” She wanted to know from her parents and was obviously seeing Lila as a much younger girl than she actually was. “Floaties for her, but she already learned how to swim.”, her dad wanted to argue on her behalf. “Especially for our younger and playful guests, we noticed that they regularly overestimate how good they are at staying afloat. So especially if she is going in the pool or on the kid's slide alone it is mandatory for kids her age.”, she explained to her parents. How old does she think I am? Lila was wondering. Will mummy tell her the truth? But no, it would be even more embarrassing to need a diaper for swimming at her age. She sent an SOS message to her parents by looking them deep into her eyes. Her heart was pounding like crazy, as her mum followed her in the shower. “Is everything OK with you?", she asked as she stroked Lila’s hair. “She thinks you are a little girl!”, mum commented in a soft voice so that only Lila could hear her. “Do you mind if we let her believe it?” Lila shook her shoulders. “I don't want to be thirteen and needing a swim nappy, and I could stop being afraid of the deep water and just have fun with the floaties” she confessed to Mum. She kissed my forehead. “You can be my little child, so don't worry about it.” “So, what is your name?”, the helpful lifeguard girl wanted to know as she exited the shower and took the colorful and childlike bathrobe to cover her up a little. “I am Lila”, she told her shyly. “Nice to meet you, I am Shyen.”, she introduced herself to the little girl. Hopefully, she was not asking for my age. The little girl prayed and was at the same time much more nervous than she normally would be when talking to an adult. “Your parents told me you already know how to swim a little, don’t you?” She blushed again, she actually made a very basic swimming certificate, but she still did not feel safe in the water. What if she needed to prove her skills in the deep end without her parents? “Look, we have different floaties for you here”, she explained as she showed the little girl different types of armbands, swimming belts, and pool noodles. Lila was not sure if she wanted to wear them, but at the same time, she was glad no one seemed to mind her nappy. And surely, it would be like turning back time for a few years. “You are not sure”, Shyen noticed her insecurity. “With the armbands, you can play around without any worries” she decided and placed them in her hands. “Oh, you would like to have these water wings.”, she heard her mum coming to the gate where someone chose to create a handle so high up that Lila could never ever reach it on her own. Her parents helped her to open the door, while her mum took her hand and led her to a free sun lounge. “Come have a seat”, her mum said while she lifted her on her lap. “Mum, I really would like to try the big slide”, she announced, pointing to the big blue waterslide that ended in the kid pool. “Sure honey.”, her mum responded while she inflated the armbands on her daughter. Lila felt like a little girl now, but at the same time she did not want to wait any longer, and as soon as her mum was done she ran off having fun. She was climbing up the stairs and saw her parents at the bottom when she heard the voice of an old man. “Hey little girl, sorry, you cannot slide alone here, you have to go down to the kids slide”, he explained looking at Lila and pointing down to a tiny baby slide in the really shallow part for the toddlers and at the same time not showing any doubt that he meant her. “Me ... but I really want to.”, she tried to argue while some of her tears were making their way over her cheeks. “I am really sorry, but a responsible adult has to accompany you here!", the old man insisted while he was not even getting up from his chair. Lila did not know what to do. She agreed to put the swim nappy on, was wearing her arm floaties, and she still wasn't allowed to have fun. “I could take her, and we could slide together.", offered a young woman who was watching her two younger brothers as she saw that Lila was in tears. Lila did not see that the old lifeguard nodded in approval. She only saw the hand that was taking her. “You want to go with me.”, the teenager offered. Lila looked up to her. She was older, maybe fifteen. It felt good for her to have someone taking her by the hand while she was walking over to the grumpy lifeguard. “He did not want to let me slide, even with the floaties on.”, she explained to her short-time guardian. “Don't worry, together it will be even more fun.”, she explained. “What's your name?”, she wanted to know “I am Lila.", she said while she was slowly trusting her companion. “I am Alexandra, but everyone calls me Alex. And these are my brothers George he is a little older than you and Lukas, he is fife.”, she explained as the two boys started to slide. Her new friend helped her to sit down in the small pool on the top and get ready to have fun on the way down. Patiently, they waited until the traffic light switched to green. “Are you ready?”, She heard the voice of her newly found friend. Then she pushed her down the slide. The wind was blowing through her hair while the water splashed away to all sides. She was having fun and could hardly imagine that she was questioning whether she should head down to the pool area. Suddenly they landed in the cold water. And only for a moment, her head was underwater while she saw all the small air bubbles around her. Then she noticed her floaties were dragging her back to the surface. For a second, she was waiting there for her companion to reappear in the wave created by the little river that was built for their entertainment. She did not even need to move to stay afloat as her little swim helpers did their work. “Are you OK?”, Alex asked as she took Lila on her arm, moving her all the way to the exit stairs. “Can we go again, Please?”, she begged. “Shouldn't we check that your parents are not searching for you.”, Alex explained to the little girl and was clearly expecting that she was not on her own and that someone was looking for her. “Don't worry, they are over there.”, Lila tried to convince her newly found friend that they could just go on and enjoy the water park. “Maybe we should spend them a short visit. So that they do not worry about where you are.”, she suggested while leading me in the direction of the loungers, where she expected her mum and dad. “But I really want to go down the big slide one more time, and the grumpy old man does not let me go without you.” “Hello Lila did you find yourself a friend”, mum greeted her and was clearly watching all their small steps into the world of refreshing joy all around them “Hi mum, this is Alex”, Lila introduced her to her parents. “She was helping me to slide down because they didn't let me go without someone else watching.” “She was in tears when the lifeguard up there told her she was too young. So I took her with me.”, the teenager on my side explained as if she was a preteen child who did cry from time to time. “Thank you for your help.”, her dad, showed his gratitude. “Can I maybe ride a little more with her?", Lila asked, looking like a little puppy dog, from her parents to Alex and back again. “Sure, you can come if your parents agree.”, she put her wet arm on Lila's shoulder. “That would be a great idea, and it would be good if she is not on her own. And if you notice that she goes poopy in her swim nappy come over to us. I will change my darling into a fresh one.” She didn't want Alex to know that she was not using the potty on this vacation. And now her parents just talked about it as if she was a toddler. “OK, I thought the swim diaper was just a precaution.” “No, she is not ready, jet. Especially on vacation, we do not insist that she is trying too hard on her potty training. You can always check her if you are not sure by looking into the back of her diaper.” “But Mum!”, Lila complained about her mum being so open about the obvious reason for her wearing the babyish swimwear. “No worries, I used to wet my bed too when I was younger.”, she told them. “I will not laugh at you.” I blushed. “You want to go on the slides again?", she offered to Lila, who now was really embarrassed and did not know what to say with everyone talking about her lack of potty training. She looked them in their eyes, but everyone seemed to accept her. “Do you want to stay with your parents?” She shook her head, at least she wanted to have some fun in the water, and Lila trusted her new friend and ran off, heading back to the slides and to the lazy river that meandered through the hotel park like a giant snake. “Lila, we are going out for dinner!”, she heard her parents as she was exiting the waterslide and running towards the stairs with Alex holding her hands. Two unfamiliar adults were sitting next to her mum. “Hi Mum and Dad, what are you doing here?”, Alex asked while her brothers hugged them. Slowly but steadily, Lila sat on her mom's lap and enjoyed the warm skin warming and comforting her a little. “Do you need a change before we'll leave?", she asked in a way a mother would ask her toddler. And lifted the now wet and cold swim diaper at her back. “No poopies this time.", she confirmed with a smile. “But Mum, do we really have to go?”, said the girl, who did not look any different from a first-grader. “Playing together was really nice, and I don't want to leave my new friends.” “Oh, Alex and her family will also come with us.”, her dad announced. Mum took a towel, helping her little darling to get dry again. “Can I help you if you change her?", Alex offered while she could not take her eyes away from Lila who now was lying in the lounge with the towel covering her from the shoulders to her belly. “She always loves to help the little ones.", Alex's mum confessed. “When our little Lukas stopped using diapers during the day, she was so sad that she couldn't care for him anymore.” Her mother took the bag that contained her diapers on this trip. “Do you mind if she helps us?” “But mum!”, Lila tried to complain about what was going to happen. “I promise I will not laugh at you.”, Alex assured her new friend, and was looking over at her in a way she could not resist. She did not mind at all that I wore swim diapers and my water wings today, and was just helping her to avoid the grumpy lifeguard who tried to rob Lila’s fun on that warm and sunny afternoon. “Do you want to be alone with me or can Alex help us?”, she again wanted to know from her daughter. She didn't know how to respond, if Alex wanted to help change her, she could not risk losing her just because it is embarrassing. In the end, she nodded in approval. It did not even take Alex a second to switch into nanny mode and take Lila's diaper bag and the little pile of clothes for their dinner party. “Wait for a second”, her mum had to slow her down a little while her mighty arms pushed her on her hips. In a short moment, they ended up in a large little kid's bathroom that also had an oversized changing table available. It could have been big enough to change someone even as big as Alex. So Lila who had a little immature appearance and was pretty tiny for her age felt like a toddler on this changing mat again. “First of all it is essential that she is comfortable when you try to change a big child like her.”, she explained while she was pushing me back on the soft plastic surface while her other hand switched on a heat lamp that was mounted on the wall but still in a height that I couldn't reach even if I tried. The warm light covered Lila like a blanket, and slowly all her resistance faded away. In the background, she heard her mum explaining something to her new friend while someone ripped off the sides of her infantile swimwear and cleaned her with some warm wipes. She stared at the ceiling and admired the colorful cartoon characters who did hilarious things up there, playing around. She even found her favorite cartoon character a little while with a yellow shirt on a broom, flying around all her childhood friends. As it was only yesterday, she remembered the good old days at home when she was allowed to listen to their stories before bedtime and how she closed her eyes without any worries in the world. Maybe this is something she missed as well. Suddenly, her mum placed her new colorful diaper under her bum and softly placed the top part on her belly. “Can you close the tapes for me?”, she assisted Alex and waited until the teenager closed the sticky tapes on each side. Her wet swimwear was all gone. When they awoke her from her daydreams, she was dressed in one of her somewhat childish-looking evening dresses with a try diaper around her booty. Her Mum took her back on her hips, accidentally still showing Lila's diapers as they walked back to the group. ### “Mum, I still want to have something for dessert”, Lila said as she was sitting next to Alex and flipping through the colorful pages of her kid's menu. “Do you really want more? You hardly managed to eat your main dish.”, her dad argued. “But mommy!”, Lila protested and sounded like a sad and disappointed little girl. “Do you want to share one with me?” Her newly found friend offered her help again. “You know I can't eat a big desert either, but I really want to try one.” She lightened up as she saw her Mum's approval and began to flip through the pages where every picture offered a tasty variation to close our dinner. The two girls agreed on a panna cotta with some berries and three scoops of ice cream. And when the waiter brought them a big plate with two spoons, Alex suddenly lifted Lila on her lap to make it easier for them to share. “Hmm, that is really yummy”, the little girl cheered as she tasted the first spoon full of delicious desert. But at the same time, she felt some strange feeling in her tummy. She had to go, but was too embarrassed while she was so close to her teenage friend. Maybe she can hold in for a little longer when she pees. She did not even need to let it go voluntarily. Just as she did not try to hold it, she felt the warmth spreading in her pants. She was immediately relieved. Why did she even try to hold it when she had the diapers on, Lila wondered how the rest of her potty training still made her think twice before she wet herself? “Did you just go potty?”, Alex asked her so discreetly that Lila could hear her. The small girl blushed in embarrassment and nodded. “No worries, that is what you wear diapers for”, the teenager explained the obvious and tried to check her diaper, making it clear for everyone on the table that she peed. “Oh, did she go poopy”, Lila's mum accidentally thought loud enough for everyone around to notice. “No, she smells fresh, her boom suddenly feels warm, but it was just a pee-pee accident.” She defended the girl on her lap as if she was three. And left her spoon on the now-empty plate. Lila lowered her eyes a little. “Don't be sad, everything's going to be ok.”, mum praised her as the adults paid the bill. Alex took her hand to lead her back to the hotel. And she paid attention, so her little one didn't get lost on the now-dark streets. Her brothers were having fun walking on the walls and benches that lined the pedestrian zone where all the fancy restaurants were. “You want to play as well?”, their ten years old brother asked, while jumping down from one of the benches. Lila thought the preteen boy did look like he was having fun, and she did not want to miss out on fun activities on her vacation. But at the same time her belly complained with an achy feeling, and she did not know if she would mess herself, while she was playing with them. ‘Don't worry, even your Mum confirmed that you do poopies in your pants. Just relax and push it all into your diaper.’, a voice in her, tried to push her forward. Still ignoring her need, she climbed up on one of the lower walls and instinctively held Alex's hand to help her balance on the narrow rocky surface. “Now jump” the young boy that was half a head bigger than her commanded, like she was a jump and run character on his screen going through a maze of walls and benches. It was a gap in the wall of a meter, Lila thought, getting excited and afraid that she could fail at the same time. She saw their little brother jump over the gap on the other side that was even wider than her obstacle. “I will catch you if you fall, just go to your knees, aim, and jump”, Alex said, while she seemed to notice the insecurity of her friend. As Lila bent her knees, she suddenly felt the need to go potty return. She was sure that she would never make it with this needing pressure in her bowel. Nobody will laugh at you, she assured herself while she relaxed and suddenly lost her control. Within a second, the warm and squishy feeling in the back of her diaper returned, while the pending need to poop vanished from her mind. “You can make it!”, she heard the teenager on her side supporting her. Lila did not wait any longer and jumped. In the middle, she had doubts that she would make it. Surely she would fall and hurt herself. Just as her feet touched the other wall, someone took her and stabilized her so she could land safely. “You made it”, Alex cheered. The little girl had to confess that she had not had so much exciting fun for quite a while. All her games and TV shows could not compete with the experience of playing together with other children. Alex raised her up and hugged her as she saw the little girl was quite still on the edge of tears. She enjoyed the security and the feeling that she is not alone. For a second, she closed her eyes. Her friend sniffed a little, noticing the babyish odor surrounding her, telling everyone what the little girl just did. “Oh you had an accident.”, she heard the surprised teenager while she suspiciously checked the diaper trying not to embarrass her too much. Lila noticed Alex was looking over at her mum, not seeming too confident in her nanny role. “Maybe we should go to your mommy?”, she suggested, not sure how to handle her accident. A little tear was rolling over my cheek. Was she repellent from the messy potty mishap that she had while playing? Should she have tried to stay at least clean when she was out with others? Suddenly, she took a small napkin out of her pocket. Don't be sad, she explained while she helped her off the wall. “We all know that an accident like this would eventually happen sooner or later.”, her teenage friend, tried to comfort her. “But I am not sure if your diapers are still ok.” She took her by the hand like a little one and led her to their parents to ask Lila's mum for help. The adults were chatting and strolling over the wide streets. “I think she needs a change”, she announced. I saw the adults turning their heads. And Lila felt like a dripping wet puppy dog standing in the doorway waiting for her Mum. In a second, she was standing at my side. With her hand, she touched her now obvious bulge at her back. “You really needed to go, my baby”, she concluded. “I need to check if it would not leak on your beautiful dress. With more tears forming in her eyes, Lila noticed that she was lifting her dress while she bent her knees to check on her daughter. She was embarrassed, but at the same time, her mind was sliding back into her younger age and was remembering that there was a world where all her worries lay in the hands of her parents and she was just having fun. Couldn't it be like that again, when she forgot that diapers were embarrassing for thirteen-year-old Lila? She covered her wet face in Alex’s shirt. “You are messy, but the diapers here are really secure, and you will be fine for our short walk back to the hotel.” She kissed her child's cheek, which was not covered by the soft shirt of her friend. All in her tears, Lila hardly noticed that none of her friends were making fun of her. “But maybe can I help you to change her again”, her new friend demanded as she was stroking the back of her friend as if she was her little sister while at the same time shielding her as good as she could. “No this time you cannot!“, Alex’s mum insisted with a smile, “Also big guardians need their sleep, and we will be going on our tour through the city, did you forget?” “But then Lila has to come with us tomorrow”, she now protested, and sounded like a grumpy teeny. “That is not possible, your friend is going into the amusement park tomorrow, and we already booked all our tickets.” explained her dad. As he talked, she noticed that the time when Lila had to leave Alex was coming closer with big Yeti steps. As the sadness swapped into her mind, she was fighting her freshly-dried tears again. “But I want to see Alex once more” she whined. “Maybe you want to come on our trip to the national park on the day after tomorrow”, their dad suggested. “It will be a wild forestry place and empty white sanded beaches.” was he selling the idea of a reunion the next day. “I don't know, Lila is more an indoorsy child”, her mum doubted that this would be the place for her family. And as she talked, I could see Alex's shoulders sink like a heavy stone in the water of disappointment. “But mummy, I insisted. I really want to be with her before we ...” and suddenly stopped as the upcoming flight home came to her mind. She would be back home. Back to being a big kid, wearing undies instead of these comfy diapers, back to fighting her bed-wetting accidents in her useless pull-ups. “Maybe we should try it once, before she was born we were out exploring quite a lot”, Lila’s dad suggested. “I am sure your family will have a good day.”, Alex's mum explained. “But I do not even have a bikini with us to swim in the ocean.”, Mum complained, not completely sold on the idea of a day out in nature. “Oh, that's not a problem at all, they have a good mini-store in the hotel. You can even buy things today if you ask the receptionist. We even got swim shorts and floaties for our fife-year-old Lukas”, the mother of her teenage friend, advertised the small store in the lobby. Lila's Parents seemed to look into each other's eyes. “We will try it, but no tantrum when you are hot. At least you are thirteen.”, her mum warned, without thinking about what she just said. The surprise swapped over the small group. And silence fell over them like the night over the world. “I would have never estimated you older than seven or eight”, Alex's mum stumbled. She was shocked and did not even notice the tears on her cheeks. “Mum why did you tell them.”, Lila complained and wanted to turn away and run. “I still love you, regardless if you need more help at your age.”, Alex declared unwillingly, implying without saying that Lila may be a little challenged mentally. Is this how they see her now, as she is a retard. Rolled a heavy stone through her thoughts Alex had to hold her hand to prevent her from running away. “No, she is not challenged, at least not when it comes to her academics.”, her dad tried to do damage control, she is just borderline small for her age and still needs support emotionally when she is sad or stressed out like any younger child would need. “And she suffers from incontinence and never was dry or clean.”, her mother mentioned to complete the picture. “MUM I DO NOT SUFFER”, she cried out in a tantrum-like voice angry at Mum and stumped her feed in frustration. “I know, adults are always soooo stupid.”, Alex wanted to calm her down. She leads Lila a few meters away from them to give them a little privacy to talk. “Yes they are, and it really sucks being thirteen”, Lila confessed that she did not like her age. She slung her arm around me and showed me that everything was okay. They noticed that their parents went on walking and followed them in a distance. Instinctively, Alex seemed to know that she had to listen to the little girl instead of just talking. For some seconds, the silence between them was their voice. “I honestly hate being a teeny.”, Lila confessed. “Everything is so confusing. My classmates are just weird, and I cannot find friends anymore.” “I understand.” the much bigger girl said in an understanding voice and nuzzled her friend to encourage her. “Everything was way better before. When I was a little kid, I did not need to worry about all this stuff. But now she even tells everyone that I suffer from something” she complained. Again, she paused for a second before she continued with her explanation. “You know I need my diapers and without any option to wear something over them, I did not want someone to know that I am not a little girl anymore.”, Lila confessed the reason for the outburst of emotions. “I would not have laughed at you even if I knew.”, Alex assured her again. “But I have to confess you did not look like a teenager at all with the floaties on and the swim nappy.” “Do you care if I didn't even want to look my age? Strangely, I still enjoy being the little one and having someone to help me when I am sad or something is scary. My parents are always there for me when my emotions are overwhelming, and I start to cry. And for the floaties no, I already learned how to swim, but I struggle when it is deep, and I am still pretty afraid. So I normally preferred the shallow end of the pool to feel safe.” “So your parents bought them for you to worry less when you are playing?”, she asked. Lila shook her head. “Normally I don't swim that often, and we did not bring my swimming stuff, but when I watched all the kids having fun, I wanted to go too. Actually, the water wings were an Idea of the Lifeguard that we met at the entrance.” She explained with crowing concern that her friend would judge her. “Don't worry about swimming then” Alex advised. “You can use your floaties until you get more experience, and you should bring them for our upcoming adventure. The waves in the ocean can be pretty high. You still want to come, don't you?” She nodded, still unsure how their discussion with Mum actually ended. “Do you swim in pools a lot?” Lila wanted to know. “No, actually we go swimming in the lake in the summer”, Alex explained and began to speak about the tiny village where they were living and about what it had to offer. “You know, maybe it is not so bad that you are a teeny.”, the much bigger girl finally said. “Why?”, Lila questioned her as if it was an insult. “You are thirteen, so you have a phone, don’t you? That way, we will be able to keep in touch even when we all head home at the end of the week.” Finally, they arrived in the lobby.“, Lila, we have to start early tomorrow”, her dad announced. “But I still want to know if we will meet each other again this week?”, his girl insisted. “Sure thing honey, we just planned everything while you were talking to your friend”, her mum tried to apologize. “We will meet them early in the morning, and then we can head out in their van together. It has plenty of room left for all of us and you two can all have fun together” ‘Bing’ the elevator announced that it was time to go to bed. Lila could hardly stand on her feet anymore and was yawning. “You are still angry with me or could I carry you to get back to our room.” her mother offered. “Please help me, Mummy”, she confessed and was glad when she was picked up by her mummy and the conflicting feelings could finally be washed away by their love. Now she noticed that Lila definitely was quite smelly, like a real baby girl. “I think we have to run you a bath to make my little Lila nice and clean again”, her mum mentioned her smell as if she really was just a toddler for whom she had to care for. She rubbed her eyes and could hardly keep them open anymore. Seconds later, Mum put her down in the shower, removed her dress, and rolled her diaper up after wiping off most of her accident. Lila wanted to grab the shower head and start on her own. “Let me do that, you are exhausted from all the fun you had today, aren't you?” The little girl nodded, relieved. After some seconds, her mummy turned on the water and washed away all the smelly stains on her bum while she tried to catch every drop of the warm water. “Can you spread your legs a little?”, she assisted her teenage daughter who now was smiling and felt so good and carefree as she just came home from kindergarten. The warm water and the calming feeling of her mum’s love washed over her body and made her joyfully dance around as she was washed with a soft cloth that her mum put on her hand. “No Mummy, don't stop it.” the little girl complained as the rain of drops suddenly vanished, and a warm soft towel was wrapped around her. “But Baby, it's your bedtime.”, she mentioned in a soft and understanding tone, taking her up and carrying her back into her soft and welcoming bed. She quickly dried off her little girl and put her in her nighttime diaper. Lila touched the soft fabric of her pyjama top and the crinkly underwear underneath. She smiled because she actually felt good and safe. But at the same time, the reaction of her friend's family was still rolling around in her mind. Was she challenged, as they thought when they found out she is thirteen? When people saw her, were they assuming she was delayed in her development? Sure she was still wearing diapers, she loved to cuddle with her parents at night or if she was afraid or stressed out. She depended on her mum’s and dad's love, and she needed help for so many little things in her life. And in contrast to some of her classmates, the idea of being on her own was kind of scary for her. “Mummy, do people think I am a retard when I need so much help?” she innocently asked her question, fully trusting her mother to help her out. “Baby don’t use this word, it is rude, and it is wrong.”, she explained in a loving soft but still strict voice. “You don't have intellectual disabilities, and I don't want you to believe it.” “But why is it so easy for me to play an eight-year-old with potty problems, while I struggle so much when I try to be a teenager. I always have low grades in my exams even if I learn all day long and struggle in sports because I cannot compete with others. Actually, I even liked that I could play carefree in the pool today with my water wings on.”, the little girl complained about the hardship of her young life while a lonely tear rolled down her cheeks. Her mum laid down next to her, stroking her daughter's back. If she could, she would take all the worries and struggles off the kid's shoulders. And while she could not ease her life in school, maybe she could make the vacation as relaxing as possible. “You want to drink some more”, her dad asked them as he saw his two most important humans in his life snuggling closely together Lila thankfully nodded, smiling all over her face. Her dad filled up her new baby bottle again with some tea that he quickly made in the room. He snuggled into the now overfilled bed, offering his child the teat to relax some more on his shoulder. She was starting to dream, long before her father put the child's bottle on the bedside table, letting his wife cover their child with a duvet and sliding the pacifier back into her mouth instead of her thumb.

Intro Evelyn, a middle-aged history professor at the local college, found solace in the routine of her early morning and late nights spent on the balcony of her cozy apartment. Perched on a comfortable chair, she would watch the world pass by, lost in her thoughts. The balcony offered a front-row seat to the daily comings and goings of college students, who unknowingly became characters in the silent play that unfolded before her. Despite her engaging lectures and dynamic teaching style, Evelyn often felt an overwhelming sense of solitude. Her unconventional schedule, with most classes held in the evening, left her with free mornings and afternoons. The balcony became her haven, a place where she could reflect on the pages of history and, more intimately, on the chapters of her own life. One particular ritual, hidden from the eyes of her colleagues and students, unfolded on those quiet afternoons. Evelyn would find herself drawn to the comfort of an old habit — sucking her thumb. It was a habit she often enjoyed, especially when watching young love unfold from her balcony; something she greatly regretted not having. As Evelyn sat on her balcony, thumb often creeping into her mouth, she observed the ebb and flow of college life beneath her. The students, backpacks slung over their shoulders, chatted animatedly as they walked past her apartment building. Some were engrossed in their smartphones, while others eagerly discussed the day's lectures and upcoming exams. Unbeknownst to Evelyn, the students were aware of her discreet balcony retreat. In many ways the balcony has become a living attraction to bypassing students over the years; no one went out of their way for it, but no one regregretted strolling past. [There was an unspoken agreement to respect the privacy of their history professor, a woman who held the key to unlocking the mysteries of the past but guarded her own secrets with equal diligence.] Evelyn, absorbed in her historical musings and thumb-sucking reverie, believed herself to be invisible to the world below. She found comfort in the anonymity of her perch, where she could be both a spectator and a participant in the theater of daily life. One day, as the students passed by her balcony as usual, something unexpected happened. A brave soul among them, a young woman named Sarah, decided to break the unspoken barrier. She smiled warmly at Evelyn and nodded in acknowledgment. As the days went by, Sarah made other distant gestures to Evelyn, such as small waves and momentarily inserting her own thumb into her mouth, as if playfully asking a child, "Do you need to suck your thumb?" Despite these subtle attempts at connection, Evelyn remained reserved. Evelyn continued her balcony rituals, she found a new sense of camaraderie with this unknown (to her) student. The unspoken understanding between them deepened, and the balcony became a symbol of connection, bridging the gap between professor and student in a way that transcended the formalities of the classroom. And so, history continued to unfold, both in the lectures within the college walls and in the quiet moments on Evelyn's balcony. Chapter I Lisa: Hey, Sarah! How was your day? Sarah: Oh, you know, the usual. But something interesting happened today. You know the professor who sits on the balcony and sucks her thumb? Lisa: Professor Evelyn? Yeah, I've seen her. She seems so lost and lonely up there; often sucking her thumb, thinking the world doesn't know her secret. Sarah: Well, I've been trying to break the ice, you know? Like playful waves and pretending to suck my thumb too. Just trying to make her smile. Lisa: That's sweet of you, babe. But why? What made you decide to do that? Sarah: I don't know, Lisa. There's something about her that just tugs at my heart. I see her up there all alone, and I can't help but feel like she needs a friend. Lisa: You think we should be her friends? She seems more ? Sarah: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She's so cute and childlike. It got me thinking... What if we could be more than just her friends? Lisa: You mean, like, adopt her into our lives? Sarah: Exactly. I mean, she's alone up there, and I can't shake off this feeling that she needs something more stable. We could be that stability for her. Lisa: That's a big step, Sarah. But, you know, I've been feeling the same way. She's become a part of our thoughts and conversations. Sarah: I know it's huge, but I can't stand the thought of her being alone. I want to make her a part of our unconventional family. Lisa: Let's take it slow, then. Maybe we can start by getting to know her better. You said you're in her history class, right? Why don't you try talking to her? Sarah: Yeah, I am. I'll give it a shot, but we need to be careful. We don't want to overwhelm her. Lisa: Absolutely. We'll take it step by step. If she's comfortable with it, maybe she could join us for coffee or something. Sarah: Perfect. Let's see where this goes. I really think we could make a difference in her life. As Sarah and Lisa discuss the possibility of "adopting" Professor Evelyn into their lives, the balcony stands as a silent witness to their evolving plan. The dialogues reflect the mix of compassion, care, and the desire to bring a sense of family to someone who seems to need it. Chapter II Evelyn, engrossed in her historical research and the quiet moments of reflection on the balcony, remained blissfully unaware that Sarah was one of her own students. The campus was vast, and the lecture halls were filled with faces, making it easy for a single student to blend into the crowd. Sarah, who often chose a seat in the back of the class, had mastered the art of anonymity. One day, as Evelyn, who was often engrossed in her lecture notes, looked up at her Intro to World History students and noticed Sarah. A mix of emotions swept over Evelyn—surprise, curiosity, and a touch of embarrassment that she hadn't recognized her only balcony companion as a student. The realization added a new layer to their interactions. Evelyn pondered whether Sarah had intentionally chosen to sit in the back of the class, maintaining a discreet distance between the formal academic setting and their informal balcony connection. Despite the revelation, Evelyn decided to let the connection evolve organically, choosing not to confront Sarah about their shared secret. However, she began to notice Sarah playfully sucking her thumb during lectures, making sure that Professor Evelyn noticed her playfulness. The following evening, Evelyn approached the lecture hall with a newfound awareness. As she began her class, she noticed Sarah sitting in her usual spot at the back, a knowing smile playing on her lips. The other students, oblivious to the connection between their professor and their classmate, immersed themselves in the lesson. After the lecture, as students filed out of the hall, Sarah lingered for a moment. With a subtle nod and a twinkle in her eye, she acknowledged the unspoken understanding between them. Evelyn reciprocated with a grateful smile, silently appreciating the delicate balance they had struck between the formalities of academia and the genuine connection that had formed on the balcony. As the semester progressed, Evelyn and Sarah continued their silent interactions, weaving a unique tapestry of connection that transcended the traditional roles of teacher and student. The balcony, once a place of solitude, had become a bridge between two lives—a place where history unfolded not only in the pages of textbooks but also in the quiet moments shared between a professor and a student. Chapter III Sarah's after-class visits became a cherished ritual, adding a new dimension to the connection she shared with Evelyn. While other students hurriedly packed their bags and left, Sarah lingered, patiently waiting for her turn to approach the professor. "Professor," she would begin, maintaining the formal address that characterized their interactions; though her quiet motherly voice made Evelyn feel as though the roles were switched. Her questions were a clever mix of academic curiosity and a genuine desire to know Evelyn on a more personal level. Sometimes, her questions dived into the intricacies of the day's lecture, showcasing Sarah's dedication to the subject matter. Other times, the questions subtly steered toward understanding the woman behind the professorial facade. Evelyn, in turn, welcomed these post-lecture conversations. Sarah's inquiries provided a bridge between the structured world of academia and the uncharted territory of personal connection. Evelyn found herself opening up, sharing anecdotes from her own academic journey, and offering insights that transcended the confines of the classroom. As the weeks unfolded, Sarah's questions became more personal, yet she maintained a respectful distance. She never overstepped boundaries or pressed too far into Evelyn's private life. The discussions, although occasionally veering into the realm of personal experiences, remained grounded in the shared love for history and the pursuit of knowledge. One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and cast a warm glow on the balcony, Sarah hesitated before asking a question. "Professor, I was wondering," she began, "what inspired you to become a historian?" The question opened a door to Evelyn's past, and she shared stories of mentors who had shaped her journey, pivotal moments that ignited her passion, and the challenges she had overcome. Chapter IV One Sunday evening, Evelyn decided to treat herself, and go out to the local bar, for a night cap instead of her usual at home alone time. While seated at the bar, alone, she suddenly noticed Sarah seated next to her. After exchanging pleasantries, Sarah offered Evelyn to join her and her friends for a night on the town. Being substantially older, and wanting to go home Evelyn deeply hesitated; however, after some persistent nagging by Sarah, Evelyn obliged and join Sarah and her friends. The evening started with the promise of a casual and enjoyable time, but as the drinks flowed, Evelyn lost touch with the limits she had unknowingly set for herself. The laughter and shared stories became a blur, and the once-composed professor found herself caught in the grip of intoxication. As the night wore on, Evelyn's words began to slur, and her movements became unsteady. Unaware of the extent of her inebriation, she continued to share anecdotes and insights, but the clarity that usually defined her words was replaced by a haze of alcohol-induced fuzziness. Sarah, watching the gradual transformation in her professor's demeanor, became increasingly concerned. Like a frog in slowly boiling water, Evelyn seemed oblivious to the changes in her own behavior. The warmth of the evening, and the warmth in her pants, had given way to a more somber atmosphere as Sarah recognized the signs of excess. As the night approached its end, Sarah made a decision fueled by genuine concern for her teacher. Rather than leaving as originally planned, she offered, "Evelyn, I think it's best if I stay the night. Just to make sure you're okay by morning." Evelyn, caught in the haze of alcohol, managed a nod, as her thumb glided into her mouth, her usual composed demeanor now replaced by a vulnerable state. Sarah took charge, guiding Evelyn to her apartment with a supportive arm around her shoulders. Once inside, Sarah ensured Evelyn was comfortable and settled before quietly going about making the necessary arrangements for an unexpected overnight stay. Throughout the night, Sarah kept a watchful eye on Evelyn, periodically checking in to ensure she was safe and comfortable. The balcony, witness to so many shared moments, now stood silent as the night unfolded. In the quiet hours, Sarah reflected on the evolving dynamics of their relationship and the responsibility that came with genuine concern for another person. When the first few students passed by the balcony, Sarah decided it was best to leave before anyone noticed her up on the professor's balcony. Evelyn was still deep in her slumber not fully awake from the night before. Chapter V The following week, Evelyn, haunted by the memory of the pub incident, decided to take the initiative and invited Sarah to meet for coffee at a quiet and public place. The atmosphere was tense as they settled into a corner of the coffee shop, surrounded by the hum of conversation and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. "Sarah, I wanted to apologize for that night at the pub," she began, her voice carrying a mix of remorse and embarrassment. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone on a drinking binge; let alone with a group of students…” Sarah, understanding the sincerity in Evelyn's apology, nodded in acknowledgment. "No need to apologize, Evelyn. We all have our moments. Let's just move past it," she reassured. However, as the conversation shifted, Sarah pulled out her phone,“stumbled upon images of the night before, as the two searched for an old message Evelyn had once sent Sarah… Evelyn's eyes widened in horror as Sarah showed her the images and later videos of night.. There, on the small screen, was a selfie of Evelyn, thumb in her mouth, seated on Sarah's lap at the pub . Another video revealed Evelyn giving an non-understandable speech, as a dark spot slowly grew around her groin. Evelyn's face turned several shades of red as embarrassment washed over her. "Sarah, I... I had no idea," she stammered, feeling a mix of humiliation and regret. Sarah, however, surprised Evelyn by laughing gently. "Don't worry, Evelyn. I promise not to use these pictures against you. When we had reached home, I had helped you take a shower and washed your clothes. As I walked home, before you had woken, or students walking towards their morning classes, I kept thinking how cute and vulnerable you were that night. It was as if something inside you finally opened up”. Caught off guard, Evelyn hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Sarah continued, "Actually, you look so adorable in these videos. Do you mind if I keep them? I promise, it's just for our private memories." Too embarrassed to even say anything, Evelyn stood up and left the coffee shop. Too shocked and shaken to even fully comprehend Sarah had said. Chapter VI Evelyn attempted to avoid Sarah at all costs, like a child she hid behind the curtains of her balcony in hopes that Sarah would not see her. She found a very nice teaching assistant to replace her for a few weeks in class, but eventually, Evelyn couldn't not go back to teaching. Sarah on the other hand, tried to reach out to Evelyn, trying to explain herself and make sure she’s ok. However, a few days before final exams, on the final day of classes, Evelyn had no choice but to resume her teaching. Throughout the lecture, Evelyn kept looking up at Sarah, who for her part pretended to be listening to the lecture, but in reality was planning her next step. When Evelyn finally finished her lecture, and asked whether anyone have questions regarding the final, Sarah raised her; Evelyn made the mistake of calling Sarah before calling anyone else. Sarah, standing up, asked - “Professor Evelyn, history is filled with secrets, can you show everyone your biggest secret?”, as if on queue, Evelyn began sucking her thumb. It was unclear to Evelyn what happened the next few minutes, but she somehow found herself, in the back of Sarahs’ car, wearing only a pull-up and her thumb in her mouth. Chapter VII Like a small child holding her mommy’s hand, Evelyn walked a pace behind Sarah towards the door. As the two reached Sarah’s apartment, the door suddenly opened by a woman, who was slightly older than Sarah, but clearly much younger than Evelyn. The woman introduced herself to Evelyn as though she was talking to a preschooler; offering Evelyn to sit on the floor and play with the plush toys laying around. Next thing Evelyn knew she was seated on the floor, staring up at the two young women, who could easily have been her own daughters, had she decided to get married and have a family. Sarah and her lover explained their plan. Evelyn was to be their baby, and both women would be called "mommy." The shock deepened as Evelyn, still constantly sucking her thumb, struggled to process the information. "I... I don't understand. Why? How?" Evelyn stammered, her voice a mixture of confusion and disbelief. Sarah's lover, whose name remained a mystery, spoke gently, "We've seen you sucking your thumb on the balcony every morning as we walked towards campus. I then saw your videos from the pub, and think the loss of control is simply because of too much control and maybe starting over is what you need. What you seem to want…” Chapter VIII In the quiet darkness of the nursery, Evelyn lay in her toddler bed, surrounded by the soft hues of pastel colors and the comforting presence of plush toys. As she drifted closer to sleep, her mind swirled with a cascade of thoughts and reflections. The weight of the revelation bore down on Evelyn's mind. Years as a professor, yet it took two students, Sarah and her lover, to unravel the depths of her secrets. The dichotomy between her public persona as an educator and the vulnerability she now embraced in the nursery left her contemplative. Evelyn wondered how the carefully constructed walls around her personal life had crumbled in the face of these two determined students. What was it about her habits, her idiosyncrasies, that had been so transparent to them? The balcony, once a sanctuary of solitude, now seemed like an inadvertent stage where her private rituals were unwittingly exposed. In the dim light of the nursery, Evelyn couldn't shake the astonishment that these two women had not only uncovered her secrets but had actively taken steps to provide for her needs, albeit in an unconventional way. The complexity of the situation left her in a state of vulnerability, wrapped in a strange sense of care and intimacy that defied the traditional roles she had known for so long. As sleep finally claimed her, Evelyn's thoughts lingered on the mystery of connection—how these two students had seen beyond the professor and discovered the layers that lay beneath. The nursery, once a symbol of surprise and uncertainty, became a cocoon where Evelyn could rest, suspended between the past and an unforeseen future, her mind echoing with the enigma of newfound connections that transcended the boundaries of academia. Chapter IX When Sarah woke Evelyn up the next day, Evelyn found Sarah's lover making Evelyn's favorite breakfast. Evelyn sat at the table, as a bib was put on her and kids utensils (fork only) were provided Sarah's lover gave Evelyn a pre-cut plate and a sippy-cup with OJ. As Evelyn tried to feed herself, but really was being fed by Sarah, Sarah’s lover began to explain their plan… For the next 4 weeks, they'll treat Evelyn at a different age. AAt the end of the 4 weeks Evelyn will decide the desired age; then once a year Evelyn will decide if she wants to grow up, grow down or stay the same. Week 1 - 2 yr old Week 2 - 3 yr old Week 3 - 4 yr old Week 4 - 5 yr old Evelyn agreed, and so after breakfast Lisa took Evelyn to get dressed. As Lisa dressed Evelyn, she explained what life at each age would be like. Evelyn sat motionless as mommy Lisa, dressed her and talked. Explaining that while clothing and toys would change for each age, the use of diapers or pull-ups would not, nor would the ability to inform a grown-up when she had used her diaper. For her final touch, Lisa put a nice big bow , and a pacifier attached to her shirt. About an hour later, Sarah came out of their office and announced they're going on a walk. like a good mother and to Evelyn's surprise Sarah put Evelyn in a stroller. When Evelyn tried to protest, Lisa pushed the pacifier attached to Evelyn’s shirt in her mouth as Sarah pushed her out of the house. After about an hour’s walk, Evelyn was brought back home for a nap and some playtime, before being bathed and put to bed. Her days were suddenly all the same, sometimes their walks would end up in a playground, where Evelyn was expected to play with kids in her “age” group. Slowly, Evelyn was finally feeling happy, there was nothing humiliating or sexual about the behaviors of Lisa and Sarah towards her; they simply wanted to fulfill her unspoken dreams. Chapter X Towards the end of month, Evelyn was already being treated like a 5 year-old who wears pull-ups, something odd happened… Instead of being dressed like a “big kid”, Lisa put her in a diaper. Confused, Evelyn asked “Mommy, why am I dressed like a baby?”, to which Lisa replied “it’s a surprise…”. As breakfast Sarah began feeding Evelyn her breakfast, Evelyn asked “Mommy, why are you and mommy treating me like a baby again?”. Like Lisa, Sarah replied “it’s a surprise…” When breakfast was finished, Sarah put Evelyn in her playpen, and disappeared into the bedrooms. A few minutes later, Lisa and Sarah reappeared with 2 suitcases, Evelyn’s diaper bag. Their mysterious adventure began at the airport, where Evelyn, although having her own seat, spent the entire flight sitting on either Lisa or Sarah's lap. When the three reached their hotel room, Evelyn was put to bed for an early nap; after which she was put in a baby pastel dress, a diaper, and a pacifier clipped to her dress. After dressing themselves and Evelyn, the three women embarked towards an unknown for Evelyn but a clear destination for her mommies. After about a 15-minute stroll, they arrived at a really nice restaurant. To Evelyn's surprise, they were meeting Lisa's parents, who greeted her with the warmth one would reserve for a 2-year-old. The woman, who Lisa called mom, seemed vaguely familiar to Evelyn, though it was clear to her that they were both younger than her. Throughout dinner, the "adults" engaged in conversation, seemingly oblivious to Evelyn's presence. In this adult-oriented restaurant, one without a kids menu, Sarah and Lisa had come prepared, bringing baby food and a bottle for Evelyn. As the adults waited for their dessert, Lisa’s mom, who by now Evelyn had learned was named Tina, took Evelyn to sit on her lap. Acting fussy, Tina took Evelyn's clipped pacifier and inserted it into Evelyn’s mouth; as she recollected how the roles have changed. According to her story, Tina and Evelyn not only went to the same college. In fact, Evelyn was best friend’s with Tina’s big sister; and while never a part of the sorority, she often had the chance to haze Tina – forcing her to suck her thumb or a pacifier. Oftentimes Evely had a pacifier waiting for when Tina showed up with her “older sister”. She had finished the story with “oh how the tables have turned”... The next day, they went to another restaurant, this one more "child-friendly". This time meeting not only Sarah’s parents, also her slightly older sister and 2-year-old nephew, as well as Sarah’s 10-year-old brother. From the moment they arrived at lunch, it became clear to Evelyn she was the “baby” of the group. Her new “nephew” was wearing pull-ups, not diapers and was no longer using a pacifier during the day; while the 10-year-old was clearly treated much more as an adult as she has in the past month. As the adults waited for their food something inexplicable happened to Evelyn. She found herself lying on her aunty’s lap, being breastfed as if she were nothing more than an infant. By the time food arrived, Evelyn was already back in her stroller, sucking her pacifier and watching baby-ish videos on her mommy’s iPad. As the video played inches from her face, Evelyn had an internal conflict. On the one hand, she was enjoying the idea of being treated as she was. Having her deepest secrets and darkest secrets, even ones she didn’t understand how her mommies knew of, fulfilled. On the other hand, she understood that if she stays this way any longer she’ll never be an adult again. Even now, she wasn’t sure if she was still potty trained or not. Chapter XI Coming back to reality, Sarah, Lisa and Evelyn understood that they’d be better off financially if Professor Evelyn would go back to teaching. However, having your “mommy” walk you to class as you suck on a pacifier or thumb decreases your authoritarianism in the classroom. Worse off was “Professor Evelyn” when she’d mess herself, and begin to cry while giving a lecture on the timeline of events the class will cover during her third class. It had reached a point so bad that Evelyn’s boss called her into her office. Arriving with her two mommies, and sucking her pacifier, Evelyn arrived at her boss's office. As Evelyn sat on Sarah's lap, the dean listened to Lisa as she explained the state of Evelyn. Instead of firing Evelyn, the dean provided an unique proposal…. Evelyn would continue to receive her pay, but she would no longer be required to teach. In return, the dean requested that they collaborate on writing academic papers that explored Evelyn's regression and the process of her re-aging, with the goal of returning to a 5-year-old state by the time Sarah graduated in three years. Lisa and Sarah agreed, with the condition of legally declaring Evelyn as a child; which the dean was more than happy to help with. And so… Evelyn was declared a 2-year-old, Sarah became a psychology major and Lisa a childhood education major, both trying to reteach the ever so resistant Evelyn to slowly grow-up.

Now I have an image of the HoloNannies lying on the changing tables with Carly standing on the tables putting crawler diapers on them.. “Let’s see how YOU like it .. mwhaahaahaahaa”

Because I have been passionately reading your stories for 4 years now and I know that you are mean and love to torture your readers.

Chapter 108: General Gao’s BETH TEXTED ME the following morning and said she was skipping breakfast to take care of an errand with Reila, so I sat down with Amy, Mia, and Willow. “Not with your girlfriend today?” Mia asked curiously. I didn’t even bother correcting her, “She had something to do.” I munched on one of the giant pieces of bacon right then, swallowing and asking, “Did you three want to go shopping on Saturday?” “I thought you said it was a bad idea?” Amy said. I nodded, “It would have been by yourselves. We’ll have Beth, Reila, probably Livy, and also Beth’s bodyguard with us?” “That’s a large group?” Willow asked. “That’s kind of hard to move around with?” I shrugged, “If you want to get adopted, go with a smaller group. If you just want to shop and get a chance to see more than the university grounds, that’ll be the safest way?” “How do you get to go off-campus so much?” Zoey, another member of our new nest, asked. “My grandmother?” I told her. “Who is she?” “Amanda Westerfield?” I answered. “That is?” She asked, “I’m not from Ames?” she added with the gasps from a couple of her friends added to the sounds around us. I smiled, “You know the new student union building? Westerfield Hall?” She nodded, “Your grandparents gave the money for it?” “I don’t know if they contributed, but it was named in honor of my grandmother. She’s a big deal in AI and nanite technology advances here. She won the Bremer Prize recently?” Her eyes finally signaled some recognition, “So she’s like really smart?” I giggled, “You could say that.” By the end of breakfast, I planned to meet my friends and get picked up by my grandmother and Nikki. I walked with some friends toward the Matisse Center. I soon sat in Screenwriting class, where all our animated scripts were due. We also went over our next assignment, which would be the next Narratives project. “Okay, for this next assignment, I’m going to not just give you the medium of the film, but we’re also going to have everyone focus on the same thematic idea. This film is to be between fifteen and twenty minutes long and should focus on the theme of betrayal.” “That’s all?” Mason, one of our studio members, asked. “Nothing more specific?” Professor Gibney shook his head, “I don’t want to dictate the project for you. I will say it could be a betrayal of love, country, pet, or any other kind of betrayal you can think of?” As we left class, I was already thinking of some ideas. Right then, I also realized that my diaper was undoubtedly getting close to needing a change. I had zero plans to go to one of the HoloNannies, though! I decided to hang out near Beth’s class again and work on my script ideas. By the time her class ended an hour later, I already had three good ideas and ten pages written for each! “Hey,” she said when she saw me. “Hi, Beth,” I told her with a smile, then went up to her and embraced her. She picked me up and discreetly felt my bottom, “Didn’t feel like using the HoloNannies to change?” I made a face that she and Nikki both laughed at. “Would you mind?” I asked sheepishly. She laughed, “If I have to! It’s just wet, right?” I blushed deeper but nodded. Soon, changed out of the diaper and into a fresh one; we headed for the student union and hit one of the pizza places. She ordered two ‘big’ slices and gave me half of one to eat. “You know, this half of a slice is still like half a pizza back home!” She shook her head, “I really would love to see what your proportions look like to me?” “I wonder what would even happen if you went over?” She shrugged, “I know there are Mids and Bigs who have gone over to work with companies in the past?” “Wait, really?” She nodded, “There is a company called Diamond Tours that has become kind of notorious for luring new Littles here?” She took a bite, chewed, and swallowed, “Supposedly, their entire office on the other side is made up of Bigs?” “Actually, I think that’s the company my mom and grandparents used to come here. How do we not know this about their staff, though?” She shrugged, “I’ve only heard bits and pieces through Mom and Dad, but I guess the portal either automatically shrinks them to being just in the tall category there, or they manipulate people themselves?” “So what’s the racket? Convince people to come over, immediately adopt them?” She shrugged, “Obviously, they don’t claim everyone if your mom and her parents made it back?” I nodded, “Then there are idiots like my exchange group?” She nodded, “You’ve already had several adopted.” “Including one of our professors,” I shook my head and took a few more bites. “It was all worth it, though, to meet you,” I said with a smile. She smiled back, “I’m glad you came too!” “Say…” I said nervously, “I had a thought about tomorrow. Before Grandma takes us home, would you be open to going out to dinner and a movie?” She smiled, “Carly Slane, are you asking me out on a date?” I smiled back, “Uh-huh?” “Where are we eating…?” The two of us discussed the ideas Shelby had helped me with, and she agreed to the plan before we went to sneak in some editing time before our class. We got three more scenes edited before our Narratives class began. BETH SAT IN their Narratives class beside Carly and Charlotte, watching as the professor talked about some different depth-of-field effects you could accomplish either during filming or in your post-production edits. The images projected did look really cool, but she felt most of the techniques were above her. A look at Carly showed her intense concentration and a smile, though. ‘She’s such a nerd sometimes!’ she giggled to herself. Professor Wyler lectured and demonstrated the technology for the first thirty minutes of class before saying, “I want to give you all some time to work on your projects as a group since I know many of you are having trouble scheduling time you can meet. This’ll give you at least an extra couple of hours, which I hope will help those struggling groups.” Beth smiled. With the rhythm Carly and she had been getting into, they could make much more progress that afternoon than they had planned! “Before we go, I want to offer everyone one more challenge you must complete by class on Tuesday.” Beth noticed most of the groups stop from the moving they’d just begun; several seemed almost desperate then. “So, the project is to create a studio logo splash clip for the beginning of your films. I will have a few faculty members select their preference and award the top group two million credits, second place, one million, third, seven-fifty, and fourth; as long as you complete it, you will get four hundred thousand. The splash screens should last between five and twenty seconds long. The cooler and more relevant, the better!” There was some excited chatter around the room and some questions before he dismissed everyone. “How is the editing coming?” Charlotte asked her and Carly. “Pretty good?” Carly said. We’re starting to wrap up Act One in our first edit. Beth and I have a pretty good rhythm going and were flying earlier. I think we can get another eight hours in right now and hopefully finish by tomorrow afternoon. Otherwise, we might come in on Saturday.” “Sounds like a plan,” Charlotte said. “Don’t feel like you have to kill yourselves though. We could get some work done on Monday and Tuesday. I’ve already reserved the student who will compose the music for the film.” “Cool,” Beth said. “What about this project?” “We’ll work on it with Ethan, Sophie, and Will,” Charlotte said. “While Carly would be good at this, I want you guys just to focus on the edit?” Beth nodded, “Okay.” “Let me know when you get done. If it’s by Monday, we might schedule a viewing of the rough with everyone.” “Okay,” Carly said. “Come on, Beth, let’s get to work…” She jumped off the chair and pulled her backpack over her shoulders. “Such a taskmaster!” Beth kidded Carly. Carly giggled in response, and they made their way to the editing studio. Nikki checked the room first and then stationed herself to watch over them. “Why don’t I order some food to be delivered?” Beth suggested. “That way, we won’t have to worry about you skipping dinner.” “Sounds great!” Carly told her. “What do you want?” Carly shrugged, “Not pizza? I could maybe go for something like General Tso’s chicken?” “Huh?” Carly looked thoughtful, “Wait, Mom said it’s called General Gao’s here?” Beth nervously nodded. Nikki spoke up, though, “Are you sure you want that? That’s really spicy?” Beth and Carly both laughed, “She probably does,” Beth said. “This one has a crazy spice tolerance. She actually won a back-to-school contest a few weeks ago. You want something, too?” She asked the bodyguard, who had been practically blending into the wall until then. “Sure…” One thing Beth had always appreciated about the local Chinese food place she ordered from was that they would come to find you in a building you were working on. So it was that Carly continued working on editing, even as they took delivery of their food. They’d just made it to the scene in the playroom the day of ‘Bree’s adoption.’ “Why don’t we stop and eat, then we’ll keep going?” Beth suggested. Carly shrugged, and they all gathered around a table on the back side of the room to split up the order. She shook her head at Nikki, watching Carly eat the first bite. She was pretty good about not being a mommy type herself, but you could see she was already planning how to rescue the crazy Little! Carly seemed to have sensed it as she smiled and enjoyed the first bite. “You really can eat that?” Nikki asked. “It’s delicious!” Carly told her. “You want a piece?” Nikki clearly couldn’t believe it was the regular dish, so she used her own chopsticks to take a piece of the meat and placed it in her mouth. She chewed before rapidly chugging some of her drink! “That’s not spicy?” She asked in disbelief! As if to prove a point, Carly grabbed one of the peppers and bit about half of it off into her mouth. “These are great! But really, I’d rate them maybe a mild poblano or jalapeno back home?” She shrugged and kept eating. “She really is an alien…” Nikki muttered, and the three of them laughed! After watching Carly scarf down food that should have been impossible to eat, she watched her switch back to editing and gradually move faster and faster. They did have to stop and enjoy the improv footage from the tea party, though! They were just getting ready to splice some clips together when a knock came on the door, and it opened. I TURNED AND found Charlotte and Sebastian at the door. “Hey guys,” I said, “What’s up?” “Just wanted to see how you two are getting on?” Charlotte asked. “Pretty good,” I told her. “Just about to finish the tea party scene?” They both chuckled, “I wish we could include the original,” Sebastian said. “Be careful with that one, though. I don’t think you violated any of your stupid Little’s rules, but it’s close to the line?” I nodded, “I actually scrubbed the audio from the original files on the system already.” I didn’t tell them I kept a copy in a strongly encrypted file on a personal storage device, though! ‘I know that no one will ever access it who I don’t to, though!’ “So, when do you think you’ll be able to finish this rough cut?” Charlotte asked. I shrugged and looked at the time, “We’ve got about ten more scenes to go; I’m hoping by the time I have to leave to go to the nest, we can be down to two or three left?” “That’s fast; you’re being careful with the cuts?” Sebastian asked. “She is,” Beth said for me. “The parts already look like a finished product to me. She keeps saying there are more things to do, but I sure can’t tell?” I shrugged, “I want to play with the transition effects some more for timing. Some of that, though, doesn’t make sense to get too nit-picky until we have the soundtrack. We also need to add sound effects to some scenes. I’ll work on that early next week, though.” “It sounds like you two have it in hand. Can you let us know when it’s done?” Charlotte asked. “Sure! Why don’t we plan to meet with anyone who wants to see the rough cut around 20 o’clock on Monday?” I said. “Bring your own pizza?” “Sure, we should be able to access one of the small viewing theaters, too,” Sebastian said. “Have a good weekend,” he said, pulling Charlotte from the room and letting us return to the editing. “Think they don’t trust us?” I asked once the door was closed. “No, they definitely do!” Beth said, “I think it’s more the helpless feeling of this part being out of their hands?” “Well, you can’t exactly have a full group working on this part?” I responded. “No, and I think that letting go is tough sometimes,” she smiled beside me. “I can kind of understand? You’re pretty much doing the whole thing right now.” I blushed, “Sorry?” “It’s your major; you should be the one doing it!” I continued working as quickly but carefully as possible. I hated seeing my original self in the early cuts, but I couldn’t help but smile anytime there was a close-up of my new face. I loved the hairstyles they’d used, and the outfits were cute—if only they weren’t as infantile! I couldn’t help but love my new self a lot more, though! The editing passed with a series of steps for each set of shots. Step one was using Beth’s notes to determine which take was the best. She had done a great job, and I couldn’t disagree with her choices on the Edit Decision List she drew up. With the editing software, it was a quick press of options to have all of the camera shots from that take available to quickly glance through the script and see what looked good for a selection. I would alternate close-ups, medium shots, and wide shots depending on what made sense to tell the story. Each time I did a close-up of Beth, I also felt butterflies in my stomach. Charlotte was a professionally fun actress in all of her shots. She was so talented! Little things like a raise of her eyebrow, a slight turn up of her lips, or tensing of her body told the story so well in anything she did! You could take the audio out of the clip and still be able to read what she was saying and doing! That really applied to most of the cast, though! Ava was the one exception. She really struggled to act the part of the daycare owner believably. I could see why Beth had so much footage of the time in the daycare playing because it took multiple takes to get a scene good enough for her. Even then, I found myself using some creative shots and cuts to use her voice and avoid her facial expressions, which tended to be rather dull or unrealistic. I hated the subject matter of the film, but there was a sense of pride in my being as I completed each part of it. It probably helped that even though I enjoyed my appearance, it still took me a moment to recognize myself as the actress in the scenes! To my surprise, it was soon twenty minutes from when I was supposed to be in the dorm, and I had just one last scene to finish! “I want to stay!” I complained, even as I followed Beth’s directions and saved, backed up, and logged out of everything. “I know, but the last thing we want to do is have a curfew violation for you?” I nodded, “Yeah…” As I stood up, I realized we’d never changed my diaper again, and it was practically all hanging below the level of my skirt! Beth had just put her backpack on and smirked, “That’s a little wet…?” “I noticed,” I said, looking at the clock. “Do you think you can deal with it until you get back to your nest?” Beth asked. “Time is running out?” “If you carry me?” I said with a sigh. “Just don’t leak on me,” she said half-seriously. “They’re usually pretty good about not doing that. But no promises?” She risked it, gathering me up and walking beside Nikki quickly to the dorms. When we reached Sanders Hall, she sat me down at the door, and I grimaced. “Sorry, Beth. I did leak on you, it looks like.” Thankfully, her jacket was waterproof, but there was a definite spot on her side where my diaper contacted her. “It’s okay, Carly, that’ll teach me to make sure we check your diaper more often! Get inside and get Miss Lilly to change you quickly before you leak on anything else!” she advised as she knelt down and risked getting wet again with a hug. “See you in the morning,” I told her, “Love you,” I added softly. “Love you too,” she smiled at me. I was just crossing the lobby to the elevator when I saw Mackenzie. “Well, hello there,” she said, “I haven’t seen you all week except in the pool!” I blushed, “Sorry, it’s been a busy week, and I’ve been working on that film project.” “Is that where you’re coming from now?” I nodded, “Yeah, we were trying to get as much done today as we could.” “Too busy to change that diapee?” I squirmed under her gaze as she knelt in front of me, clearly able to see the soaked diaper hanging below my skirt! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading! Please press the Like button and leave a comment! My writing drought has continued through this week, but I'm hoping this weekend that I may have a shot at writing more again. We'll see what my mindset is like. Unless I have a massively productive weekend, we'll definitely be back on once per week again for a while. Thanks for your patience here!

Jerry shook as he entered the mansion. He had heard stories of it, and worse, seen the dozens of videos that proved those stories true. It was a place where any subs worse nightmares, or sweetest dreams, could come true- normally both at the same time. He immedietly recognized the lobby where dozens of subs were scolded, told of how misbehaved and naughty they were, and had their days full of humliation and punishment laid out before them so the cameras could show them blush and whine at just the thought of what they were about to experiance. In the front and sides of it the stone was left bare and grey with wooden beams at regular intervals. In front of him was a magnificent wooden stair case leading to a hallway painted a deep red, and with a solid bannister where many submissves had found themselves tied up, helpless, humiliated and visible to anyone entering. Steal rings hung from the walls between painted portraits of the domiants, showing off the power and money they got from their trade. The effect was something between a castle, a palace, and a old jail, and it made Jerry shake more. He knew from those videos that he was being filmed, and look into the corners of the roof to confirm. If his "Mommy" gave permission, his actions would be edited down to the most embaressing moments for their channel, and there was a decent chance people were watching him be live streamed as it was. The thought made him blush even more, and put his hands over his face. "Put your hands down, Diaper Boy. Let everyone see your pretty face." Jerry lowered his hands and forced himself to meet her eyes, though he was still blushing deep red. The idea that all these strange, powerful woman, not to mention anyone who might see the films later, were seeing him wearing just a diaper and t shirt made him want to hide, though he also couldn't deny his excitment. Mistress Joana looked down, then back up to his face. "Already having fun, are we?" Jerry gasped. He looked down, then back up at her, and blushed even deeper. "Uhhh uhh uhh," he said, stuttering for an answer. The women around him laughed, and he stopped talking. He looked down again, and back up when it came back into his view, making them laugh again. The laughter only added to his embaressment, which added more to his excitment, and he felt the tapes of his diaper stretch and crinkle. Mistress Joana shook her head. "Tsk tsk tsk, what a dirty little boy. Don't worry sweetie, we are going to fix all those problems with you." He looked back up at her. He knew this part. This was where the dominent woman for a particular sub told them all the horrible things they allegedly done, scolded them, often into tears, then ran through the long list of punishments they would experiance while there. Each humiliating or painful detail would be laid out in front of them to think about and anticpate until they were wringing in fear. Some would beg, or whine, or fight, others couldn't hold back their excitment. Jerry, instead, just looked at her, knowing he looked terrified. He dropped his hand from where he was nervously holding his own arm. "Now, I've heard a lot about you little Jerry." He gulped. "It seems you're a naughty baby, isn't that right?" "Ummm... yes." "Yes ma'am." "Yes ma'am." "First off, you are dishonest, you lie to your mommy and to the entire world. "What?!" She raised an eyebrow. "You are a little diaper baby, aren't you?' "Yes ma'am." "Then every time you claim to be a big boy, dress in big boy clothes, or pretend to be a big boy at work or in public, you are lying. Every time you wear any underwear other then diapers, you are lying. Every time you try to use the potty, you are lying. The only time you are telling the truth is when you are soaking your diapers, little baby clothes, and sitting in your playpen while silently sucking your pacifier. Understood?" "I..." He had no reponse. "Well?" "Yes ma'am." "Furthermore, you are an ungratiful little brat, letting your Mommy change you and feed you, putting up with your stinky diapers, and barely even thank her, as if you are entitled to it. You act up all the time, throwing childish tantrums when you don't get your way, and no matter how much she punishes you you still act up." "But..." She held a finger up. "In fact, she told me all about your brattiness this morning when you found out you were coming here, refusing to eat your breakfast and complaining about coming here. Imagine that?" He swallowed again. "Yes ma'am. I did ma'am." "And... it seems you are also a dirty little boy who gets easily excited," she pointed down at his diaper. He blushed, and she smiled. "Don't worry though, we'll get you nice and clean." He looked down again. "Yes ma'am," he squeaked. "So first thing, we're going to be cleaning out your insides with a nice big enema. We'll give you a plug so it stays in as long as it needs. Normally we'd spank you, but since you removed that, we'll just have to make your enema extra big." He gaped at her. "Then since that mouth is also dirty and full of lies, I'll put a big bar of soap in it, and leave it in while you stand in the corner and think about all you've done. Should be easy with you gaping like that." "Soap!? NO PLEASE!" Jerry had sampled multiple flavours of soap in his time as a submissive, and considered himself something of a connoisseur. Old spice had a tangy taste that went well with chilli or other spicy food, ivory was more subtle and reminded him of the simple but elegant recipes his grandmother used to make. His overall verdict was that all of them were absolutly disgusting. "Yes. Soap. And once again, since we normally use spankings to ensure obedience but we can't do that with you, we'll just keep the bar in longer." "You...!" Jerry began, glaring. "Yes?" He hung his head. "Nothing ma'am.' "That's what I thought. From there, we'll see how long you can hold your enema, until you beg me enough to fill your pampers. Then, we'll see how long we can keep you bouncing in your own mess." He groaned. That was a near guaranteed win on their video page, making it a near guaranteed punishment for subs. "From there, we'll have you try on some outfits for us, and we'll see after that, but you can expect to be sleeping in a dirty diaper tonight, and going home with a great big diaper rash." "What? But..." She shushed him with a finger. "But first thing first, this" she pointed at his clothes. "Will not do. You're pampers are cute, but have FAR too many people paying to see our videos to have a twink like you walking around in boy clothes. Come with me, we're going to get you into something a little more appropriate." She grabbed him by the wrist and began to drag him. "WHAT!? No boy clothes?" he let himself be lead, bulling just enough to show his desperation. He knew where that was probably going, and it was something he DEFINITLY did not want on camera. "Is there an echo in here, or is some little brat about to earn extra time with the soap?" "Ummm... "We are going to put you in some nice, cute little baby girl clothes so you can feel like a pretty princess when we rinse your mouth out, and everone can see what an adorable sissy you are." "But... No! I'm not a baby girl, I'm a baby boy! I mean, I'm just a boy! I mean man! NO!" He rambled on as she dragged him up the stairs and down a hallway. "Tut tut little baby girl, remember the soap? We can have you sucking on bar after bar until you can't speak anymore. How would that look, you think? You in a dress sucking on something, frothy white foam pouring down your cheeks..." "Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am," Jerry said.

The ride to Crystal’s was both exhilarating and terrifying for Danny. While they hadn’t ended things on bad terms by any means, he still couldn’t shake the nervous feeling that this was all moving too fast. It was bound to fall apart eventually…right? He twiddled his fingers about in the back seat of Crystal’s car as he tried to remind himself that it was largely Crystal’s idea originally, but that didn’t change that it had been over 5 months. He just wasn’t quite sure how it was all going to mend back together. “Are you excited?” Crystal asked, breaking the silence of the last bit of the drive before putting the car into park as she pulled into her driveway. Danny nervously nodded his head, staring out at the familiar home as he got out of the car, following Crystal into her house. To Danny, almost nothing had changed. Everything seemed to be exactly as he left it. Pictures and decor lined the hallway, while the same fake plants covered the entryway table as the same yellowish light flooded the hallway. Crystal wasted no time as she slipped her shoes off, making her way down the hall as Danny quickly did the same. Danny hurried after her down the hall as she stopped at the door to his old nursery before Crystal stepped inside. Danny hesitantly followed after, feeling his nervous stomach twist about as he took a deep breath before stepping inside, ultimately finding it nearly identical to how he had left it. “I feel it's only fair to tell you that I also saw someone else,” Crystal said suddenly, breaking the silence. “It was pretty brief, but it happened,” “Oh,” Danny said, unsure of what to say as he tried not to let himself feel bad about it. Afterall, he had left. “Was he, uh-” “Yes, sweetie. He was a little guy just like you,” She chuckled. “Things were going nicely online, but once we met in person it only lasted a weekend,” Danny nodded, not sure what else to say, if anything. It wasn’t like he was allowed to be mad or anything and truthfully he wasn’t. If anything, he was just curious about who this other person was, but knowing Crystal that was about as much information as he was going to get. “Right, well,” Crystal started, walking towards the door as if she had concluded everything she had to say. “I have to admit I wasn’t expecting guests, so I’m going to leave you to it as I have some other things I wanted to accomplish tonight. In the morning we are going to your old apartment to grab your things, and once we return we can get you settled in. It's…7:23pm,” She said, glancing at a clock on the wall. “Which means this is your 24 hour notice to comply with the rules,” Danny nodded as he felt his cheeks blush as he tried to remember what they all were as it had been a long time since he thought about any of them. “I trust you remember where most things are? I’ll grab you a towel and toothbrush and set them out in the bathroom so you can get cleaned up,” Crystal said, turning the corner through the doorway as she took off down the hall. Danny stood in place as he slowly spun about, examining his old room. It felt weird to be back in his old nursery. A place he had told himself he wouldn’t miss when he moved out, but now felt the full effects of its warm, inviting sense of solitude. ~~ Crystal had abruptly awoken Danny rather early in the morning, unsurprised to have found him coddling an old favorite stuffed animal of his with his phone laid out beside him, obviously having fallen asleep watching a video of some type. Crystal had moved quickly, shoving a piece of peanut butter toast in his face as he pulled his clothes on before being rushed out the door and into the car as she took off down the street towards his old apartment. Crystal forcefully knocked on the door as she waited for a response. “Do you still have your keys?” “Uh-” Danny said, slowly pulling them out of his pocket. “I don’t think-” Crystal snatched them out of his hand, unlocking the door as she barged her way inside, dropping the small pile of reusable grocery bags she brought on the floor before taking a quick look around. “Mo-” Danny started, not knowing if Kelsey was home before she came running around the corner. “What the hell!” She shouted. “Get the fuck out of my apartment!” Crystal stayed calm, brushing past her and making her way into the living room. “We’re just here to get Danny’s things, and then were gone,” “Danny doesn’t fucking live here!” Kelsey screamed, watching Crystal start to pull some of the games out of the TV stand and stuff them in a bag. “His name is on the lease, isn’t it?” Crystal said calmly, unphased by her yelling. Kelsey scoffed as she turned to Danny who was still awkwardly standing by the door. “Get your freaky aunt or whatever the fuck out of my apartment!” Danny stood quietly before reaching for a bag on the floor. “I just want to get my stuff…” He said sheepishly, not having expected Crystal to barge her way inside, but knew there was no turning back. “Ugh! You’re the fucking worst!” She shouted, turning around to see Crystal pulling the PS5 off the TV stand. “Hey! That's mine!” She shouted. “Right…” Crystal started, turning it over to reveal a sticker on one side of a small blue dog peeking over the edge. “I suppose this sticker is too then?” “What? Yea, the PS5 is mine,” Kelsey said stupidly, unsure what Crystal could possibly be implying. “Okay, dear. If you really believe that, I think you’ll need to call the police to help us work out what is your’s and what is Danny’s,” Crystal said, carefully placing the PS5 in a bag before tossing the controllers in as well. “Ye- Yea! Maybe I will call the police!” Kelsey yelled. Crystal continued on, grabbing anything she knew was Danny’s as she made her way through the living room. “I encourage it,” She said calmly without acknowledging Kelsey with a look. “Ugh!” Kelsey yelled before storming off into the bedroom where Danny was quietly stuffing his clothes into bags. “You’ve got thirty minutes and then I’m calling the police!” Danny felt himself becoming overwhelmed, not wanting to deal with Kelsey’s anger as he tried to shove the last of his clothes into the already overflowing bags. “You- could help?” He said quietly, lifting the bags as he carried them to the living room. “I’m not going to help you steal from me!” Kelsey shouted, pulling out her phone as she started to desperately text her friends. “Is that everything from the room?” Crystal asked, taking a quick peek through the kitchen. “I think so…” Danny said, trying to remember what all he actually needed. “Why don’t you go through the bathroom, I’ll take another peek at the bedroom,” Crystal said, grabbing one of the last empty bags as she made her way down the hall, finding Kelsey criss-cross on the bed as her fingers rapidly typed away. “This is completely unacceptable,” Kelsey yelled as Crystal slowly meandered throughout the room looking for familiar items. “You know you can’t just storm into someone's house and steal their shit!?” “It's actually the normal thing to do after a breakup. At least leave the man with his things? You already took his dignity,” Crystal said, grabbing a few items out of the night stand. Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Who even are you?” “Someone who loves and cares about him. Which obviously isn’t you anymore,” Crystal said bluntly, heading out of the room, bumping into Danny as he came out of the bathroom. “Is that everything?” Danny took a minute to look around, quickly sifting through bags before giving one more quick walk through the apartment. “That's all of it,” He said softly, grabbing a couple of bags as he headed out towards the car. “Thank you for your hospitality,” Crystal called out sarcastically to Kelsey who was still hiding in the bedroom, carrying the last of the bags out the door before shutting it behind her. Crystal could tell that the whole experience had let Danny a little off kilter. He’d never handled crowds or loud noises well, and an ex-girlfriend screaming at you was definitely something that could be added to that list, but it was nothing that a quick stop at Elmer’s couldn’t fix. Danny’s anxiety eased up as he plowed down his massive portion of food, filling his stomach to the point of bloating before continuing their return trip home. “Do you think you’ll need the full 24 hours to comply?” Crystal asked as she merged onto the freeway, breaking the silence as she sent butterflies through Danny’s stomach as he tried not to let his stomach suddenly explode. “I’m planning on dropping you off before running a few errands, but I was hoping that maybe when I returned…” She said, turning towards Danny who was happily nodding. “Perfect,” She said. “Do you need a refresher?” Danny blushed as he tried to remember everything, ultimately nodding his head just to make sure. “Oh, come on. I bet you know some of them. How about I help you?” Crystal said playfully. “What's the first one?” “Diapers,” Danny said softly as he blushed. “Speak up, sweety,” She said with a grin. “Diapers!” He shouted with more energy than she expected. They both let out a laugh as they looked at each other for a brief second before continuing. “When do you wear them?” Crystal asked. “Always,” Danny said confidently. “And you call me?” “Mommy!” Danny shouted again. “And who decides when your diapers need a change?” “Mommy does!” Danny said excitedly. “And you are?” Crystal asked. “Mommy’s baby,” “Which means….” Crystal said, waiting for Danny to fill in. “I should talk, act and eat like one,” Danny said sheepishly with a bright red face. “And what do you do when Mommy isn’t home?” “Clean!” Danny said, feeling proud of himself that he remembered all of it. “Does Mommy tolerate trouble makers?” Crystal asked. Danny shook his head. “Good job!” Crystal cooed. Did you enjoy the story? 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"What's that?" "Nothing," he said. Mommy walked around to the front and got into the driver seat, turned on the car and began to drive. "So... Deliquent Daycare," he said. "Yep! That's where you're going. And I'll make sure they know ALL about your behaviour this morning." "Right. And I think we've both seen the sort of things they do in different videos." "Yep! Seems perfect for you!" "Hmmm..." he thought. "Well you know, I have the right to refuse any spankings or physical punishments if it gets too painful, right?" She paused for a moment. "Yeeees," she said slowly and thoughtfully. "Well, I just think I'm really not feeling that today. Just already ready feel my butt is aching from the beans in my diaper this morning, plus those EXTRA HARD butt pats you gave me on the way into the car, so I can't take a spanking." "Hmmm," she said. "Well, there are always thighs, and wrists..." "No, no, honestly I just ache all over. Must be a sign of aging. I'm going to have to say no physical or painful punishment whatsoever. You know, since I just can't take pain this weekend, and I have the right to decide that." "Hmmm," she said, thinking carefuly. "OK!" "Yes I know you're going to argue, but I really think... wait what?" he said. "I said OK. I'll make sure there are no physical punishments this weekend." "I... see..." He did not expect her to agree easily to that, and had prepared for an argument. "No, I don't think they'll need any kind of physical punishment at all. You did say physical punishment, or anything causing pain like spankings?" "Yes..." he said. "Ok, none of that. Not neccessairy." "Huh." Somehow that was more terrfying, and he sat back silently in his carseat, nervous to say anything else. He sucked his pacifier and stared out the window and the passing buildings, thankful for the tinted windows. They stopped at a light, and a red, top less convertable pulled up beside them. The driver, a young blond haired woman, looked at him. She made a face, and he panicked, then remembered the windows were tinted. She poked the man sitting beside her and pointed directly at him. They both stared. "The windows are tinted but not black sweetie. That would be illegal." "Oh," he said. "Oh god." He looked at the couple, who were still staring. He took out his pacifier, closed one eye and stuck his toung out with his mouth open, and shouted "BlAAAAHHH!" They both laughed, and replied with the same look. The light changed, they drove off, and he put the pacifier back in his mouth. He turned forward and hunched over in the car seat.

LOL thanks! And yes they are a cute couple "But..." "ANNND," she interuppted. "Since you're such a helpless little baby who can't do anything himself but also happen to weigh as much as a full grown man, albeit a short and scrawny one," "HEY!" "I don't think I can manage pants. So, your butt will be in pampers and nothing else. "But we can't do that! We're going into public! We agreed no one would see" He looked at the front door in panic. Now it was her turn to role her eyes. "Oh please. We'll be going from our front door to the then the car to their front door. Both buildings are surounded by trees and the windows of our car are tinted. No one will see your diapers who isn't into the kink and fine with it. So, as per her agreement, no one will see your widdle diapies." He paused, considering her rock solid logic. He saw absolutly no gaps, so went to his second to last resort. "NO!" he shouted, and began to crawl away. "Oohhh no, we aren't doing that again," she said. She leaned forward and scooped him up onto her shoulder, then lifted him high into the air. "OH SUDDENLY YOU CAN CARRY ME SOOO EASY!" He shouted. He hung with his ups straight on her shoulder, bottom forward, and head town toward her waist. She held him with one arm over it and another on his bottom. "Sudden burst of strength. Happens when dealing with babies. Its a well documented science thing." "Hmph," he said as she carried him toward, then out, the front door. "Better stop whining now that we are out, might attract attention to your diapered butt," she said, and gave it a pat to demonstrate. He looked to either side, blushing. She was right, their lot was surrounded by trees, there was realistically no way for anyone to see them. Still, the thought was stuck in his mind. He considered his options. His first, which was his last resort, was the safety word. However, with a well covered lot, he didn't think it was neccessary. Instead, he considered forms of bratting. Though the lot was covered, she was right that too much noise may attract attention, so whining or shouting wouldn't be a good idea. Fighting might lead to them both being hurt, and being able to overpower his Mommy wasn't within his role as "Baby." He considered making himself mess his diaper now that it was right next to her face. The smell would get to her pretty quickly, and it would be decent revenge. However, that would mean a car ride sitting in his own mess, followed by showing up to the nursery already dirty. More importantly, he wasn't sure that he could mess or not, his breakfast wasn't fully digested. So, he just slumped again, and ler her carry him. She opened the door to the car, and sat him down into his adult sized baby car seat, and locked him in. "Really impressive they can make these adult sized now." "Right? Really it should make no sense given the dimensions required and the size of a standard car, and yet here we are." She set the belts in, effectivly locking him in place. He sat waiting patiently as she left for the bags, and returned with them. She reached into one, took out a pacifier and a teddy bear, put the pacifier in his mouth and bear in his arms. "There, now be a good, quiet little baby while Mommy drives, ok?" "Not likely," he mumered from behind the pacifier.

Briana's not going to take all this anti ABDL stuff lying down! 16 A Big Plan is Planned Monserrat came to the rescue, just like Briana knew she would. She was brave, strong, and super kind to Ava. Their utter disaster of an afternoon became a chance to see Ava’s apartment and snuggle with her. Plus, there were cookies! It wasn’t the date Briana and Ava had planned, but it felt good. When Mom and Dad arrived, they had hugs for Ava as well as Briana. It was good to see her girlfriend getting comfortable with her parents. It’d also be nice if she could get comfortable faster. The tiny peck Briana got for a goodbye kiss showed Ava had a long way to go to be really comfortable. On the ride home from Ava’s house, Briana was struck by how horrible the encounter at the bus stop had been and how wonderful her afternoon with Ava was. There was no reason for those people to be mean about ABDL. It was super wrong for that man to push Ava over. Even if she hadn’t been disabled, it would have been wrong. The unfair feeling of having to feel afraid of people – because of something harmless about herself – grew until Briana was gripping her car-seat in righteous anger. If she was scared in public, how much worse was it for Arthur, who was black too? Or Ava, who Briana had thoughtlessly pushed to be Little in public at her birthday party. There was Fabi, who had been so excited to go to that birthday party – because she never left her house after becoming a full-time Little. “Briana, is something wrong?” Dad looked back at Briana from the passenger seat. Jane was as calm as ever, but Briana knew her well enough to see the concern in her dad’s eyes. “Yes, Daddy! There’s a big injustice, and I have to fix it!” “The police are working on it, Baby Bee,” Mom said from the driver’s seat. “I’m quite impressed with how well you handled that police officer. It will take them time to find the man who hurt Ava, even if they take the case seriously.” “No, not that part. I mean, yes, that part, but that’s not enough! I have to do something about all the ABDL hate that’s happening.” Mom and Dad looked at each other with that look they shared when they wanted to be supportive – but were going to say no. Veronica took a deep breath and began with, “Baby Bee…” “No. Mom.” “Excuse me, young lady?” There was danger in Veronica’s tone. Briana forged stubbornly ahead into the danger. “You said Aunt Kiara could give me lessons. She said I had to pick something to work on. I’m texting her right now to tell her I found my thing.” “Ah, then that should be fine.” Jane sat back in her seat as if the matter was settled. To Briana’s surprise, Veronica nodded in agreement. “You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?” “First off, Briana, you’re incapable of steamrolling my sister. I don’t think anyone could do that to her. If she agrees to help you, it’ll be because she believes it’s a good thing to do and is prepared to support you.” Veronica caught Briana’s eye in the rear-view mirror and smiled at her. “I think I can speak for your mother when I say we weren’t trying to stop you from helping people.” Jane reached back and patted Briana’s leg. “Though I have some worries about you taking on a cause that so many people are angry about, I’m glad to see you asking for help – this time.” “Daddy, you said you’d stop bringing up the time I got frostbite!” “Indeed.” Jane chuckled. “It was you that brought it up.” “Nuh-uh! Daddy! You’re not being fair.” “Briana, don’t get yourself into a fussy state. You’ll have much more success asking for Kiara’s help if you ask her like a big girl,” Veronica said. “I’ll check her diaper when we get home,” Dad said. “Daddy! That’s not why I’m upset.” ~~~*~~~ Despite her protests, Briana got a diaper change and put in her crib for some “quiet time” before dinner. Quiet time was code for Mom wanting Briana to take a nap but not wanting to argue about it. That meant no phone, books, or toys other than her stuffies. It was the perfect example of why Big thinking was flawed sometimes. Mom didn’t appreciate what Briana could do as a Princess of Cloudland, especially with her most loyal knights in attendance. While Alanna assembled and inspected the knights – the Lioness was always much bigger on inspections than Briana was – Briana squeezed a shoulder through her crib bars to grab her tiara. It was sitting on top of her toybox within reach – unlike the rest of her princess costume, which was hanging in her closet. Technically, Briana had not left her crib. Also, though the tiara had been in her toybox, it was part of a dress-up costume, not a toy. Satisfied that she was well within the letter of Quiet Time law, Briana put on her Tiara. Now, with a fancy accessory for her basic cream-colored onesie, the Princess addressed her knights. “Loyal Knights of the Round Table, I speak to you now as your Princess, not as a fellow knight.” Briana was proud of that speech – she’d practiced it on the car ride. Unfortunately, her wet diaper had been a distraction, meaning she was at the end of her prepared statements. Luckily, Knight Captain Alanna stepped in to assure Princess Briana that she and the other stuffie knights were awaiting her orders. Quietly thanking her bosom stuffie, Briana felt her thoughts fall into place. “I do not come to give orders but with a higher purpose. You should all know that the visiting princess – and my new girlfriend – Ava, was attacked today in town!” The stuffies gasped! Sir Mimsey, the bat, squeaked so loudly that she went into ultrasonic. Arnold the Pangolin was scribbling something about Briana having a new girlfriend for his gossip column – but at least Arnold the Pangolin was shocked, if not precisely for the right reason. “Yes, it’s true. And no, Sir Arnold the Pangolin, I will not do a tell-all interview. Sir Arnold the Pangolin is supposed to be a knight right now, not a reporter.” Briana took a deep breath. “Anyway, this wasn’t an isolated incident, and it wasn’t a creature from the Cloudland world like a rakshasi. The attack was part of a movement of people being mean to Littles.” Briana got up on her knees, wishing she had her sword for the dramatic moment – but the sword was clearly a toy and therefore not allowed during Quiet Time. Besides, she had told her stuffies she wasn’t acting as a knight. “I call the Round Table to a quest! This quest is the most important one since rescuing Melody at Thanksgiving. We cannot fail.” Alanna looked uncomfortable, though she was too disciplined to say anything in front of the other knights. Briana figured she would get an earful from her lioness about that Thanksgiving quest – but things were different this time. No one was going to get frostbite in the spring, for one thing. Briana’s bedroom door opened, revealing the crucial reason the Quest to Save All Littles differed from the Quest to Save Melody. “This is an interesting nap technique.” Kiara stepped up to the crib and kissed Briana’s forehead. “Am I interrupting a meeting?” “Not at all! You came at a perfect time, Auntie.” Briana hopped up, leaning over her crib bars to give Kiara a big hug. Her aunt was wearing a dress of rumpled blue silk, subtly printed with pale purple flowers. It was a great look for an opera or something high-society-ish, though, to Briana’s knowledge, that kind of thing was usually in the evenings. “I’m glad to see you too, sweetie.” Kiara hugged Briana tightly. “Are you going to introduce me to your meeting, or is it adjourned?” “As Princess of Cloudland, I’d be happy to introduce you. This is most of my Round Table. You already know Knight Captain Alanna, but this is Sir Arnold the Pangolin, Sir Chuck, Sir Mimsey, and Sir Alanna’s squire, Beartholomew.” Briana touched each stuffie in turn, taking advantage of the introduction to end with another hug for Kiara. “And this is Kiara, my aunt, and the Rasmussen Matriarch.” “Very regal.” Kiara scooped Briana out of her crib by her padded rear, setting her down with only a small grunt of effort. “What’s on the meeting agenda?” “The Quest to Save All the Littles in Ardenthill.” Briana looked proudly up at her aunt, undaunted by the foot of difference in their heights. “I thought that’s what you were talking about in your text message.” Kiara took a seat in the story-reading chair next to Briana’s crib. “I think you might be too Little to have that discussion now, though." “No, that’s Big thinking. I can be Little and save all my friends.” “I wish you could, sweetie, but clothes and attitudes are important when changing people’s minds.” Kiara pulled Briana into her lap. “Vonnie told me about another quest you went on. You had the wrong clothes on, and you got frostbite.” “Everyone’s bringing that one up today. I apologized and learned from it already; it’s not fair.” “Then you still need to apply the lesson to your new goal.” Kiara stroked Briana’s hair. “Confronting people who aren’t ready to see a grown woman in diapers is going to make them angrier than they already are. They’ll say awful things to you. Things that will get frostbite on your heart.” “I wear diapers all the time. If I can’t do this in diapers, I can’t do it at all.” Briana hit Kiara with her biggest pouty-lip. “Your diapers aren’t always obvious, and your behavior isn’t always Little. I’m happy to help you with this, sweetie, but it will be hard enough with you tackling it as a Big girl. I don’t see a chance for success if you’re trying to convince people when you’re Little.” “Aunt Kiara, that doesn’t feel right. I’m not ashamed of who I am.” “I’m not either – but there was a time when I didn’t get to wear my hair naturally like I do now. Even with our family connections, this country was a different place ten years ago. I had to straighten my hair to be taken seriously.” Kiara sighed grimly. “I didn’t like it and still don’t like that I had to do it. But I did what I had to do to get in a position where I could make a change.” “Grandma couldn’t fix it for you?” “She might have been able to if she’d come to every one of my events. Even then, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter because I had things I wanted to accomplish as my own woman, as Kiara Rasmussen, not as Michelle Rasmussen’s daughter.” Briana sighed. “I still don’t like it. I’m not saying that this is like the way you were treated, or the way black people were treated in general – but it still feels wrong.” “You don’t have to like it, baby girl.” Kiara bounced one leg gently under Briana. “But what’s more important to you – showing the world you’re not ashamed of being Little or making Ardenthill safe for all the Littles that live here?” “The second one.” Briana rolled her eyes. “Okay, so how do I do it?” “Do you think you can be Big right now to discuss it?” “Um – I’ll try.” Briana flopped against Kiara, tucking her head under her aunt’s chin. “I was Big all day at school and had to be super big to help Ava.” “This isn’t something we can fix in a day, or even a month, probably. Let’s work on it tomorrow afternoon when you have more energy.” “What are we going to do until dinner if we can’t plan?” Kiara grinned. “Well, Rosa’s at her derby practice, but before she left, she asked Vonnie and me to make sure Melody takes a break. Can you get Little enough to help your sibling relax?” “Ohmygoshyesfinally!” Briana bounced excitedly on Kiara’s lap. “That’s my darling niece.” Kiara smiled. “Go find your sibling, but be careful on the stairs. You won't get to play if you fall down the stairs.” Briana was out of her bedroom like a shot! She slid to the top of the stairs on the hardwood balcony, took the stairs excruciatingly carefully, and barreled into Melody’s bedroom. “Sib! Sib! It’s time to play!” Melody looked up from their computer with tired annoyance. There were bags under their eyes, like an exhausted Big! No wonder Tia Rosa had mandated a break. As far as Briana was concerned, it should have come much earlier. “Bri, come on, Mom and Mamá both said you can’t bust in here when I’m working and interrupt me.” “Well, your Mamá said you have to take a break today.” Briana folded her arms smugly. “Nuh-uh.” Melody’s protest lacked confidence. The guilty look they gave when Kiara came into the room meant they knew their doom was sealed. “She said I should probably take one.” “Well, she told me to make sure you take a break.” Kiara stepped over to Melody and pulled open the back of their sweatpants waistband. “And to check your pullup.” “Hey!” Melody blushed, cringing away from Kiara. Melody’s scarlet face could mean only one thing – not only would they play, but Briana’s sib was a potty-pants! It was such a welcome return to the blissful days before Christmas that Briana almost cried. Her diaper got damp instead of her cheeks, which was fine. It was more than acceptable because it gave Briana something in common with her sib. “That’s a soaked pullup. You know the rules, Little One. If you’re that wet, you get a diaper until bedtime.” Kiara took Melody’s hand. Wisely, Melody didn’t resist being led to the drawing room changing table. Briana crawled along, speedrunning – as Melody would say – a trip into Littlespace. “I was hyper-focusing. I’m almost done with the reporting system for my app.” Melody sighed, confining their protests to the verbal sphere as they climbed onto the changing table. “I didn’t have time for the potty.” “Well, now you have to make time for a diaper change and play with your sister.” Kiara wasted no time stripping off Melody’s sweats and sopping pullup. It was good that Tia Rosa hadn’t seen the way Melody was leaking onto their sweats – her sib might have gotten spanked! “Okay, but then I have to…” “After that is dinner; when that’s done, your mamá will be home from practice. She’s going to be in charge of your evening from there.” “Well – okay.” Melody’s sagging into defeated obedience made total sense to Briana. It was tough to argue with someone with authority while they were wiping pee off your butt. The diaper that came on after didn’t instill authoritative feelings either. What the diaper did do was rekindle a gleam in Melody’s eye that Briana had sorely missed. The sibling that came down from the changing table was much sillier than the one that’d gone up. Briana got tackled – and tickled – and didn’t breathe a word of protest through her helpless giggles. They didn’t play anything elaborate like Cloudland. Despite that, it was the most fun Briana had had since her birthday. As Kiara sat on the drawing room couch with an amused look on her face, Briana and Melody chased each other around, playing silly games like Doggie (Melody was the doggie, as always), Super Space Dolls (Briana’s new Barbies had been transported to an alien planet the first time Melody played with them), and Chase the Bouncy Ball. Their last game left them both sweat-soaked and laughing, lying across each other on the floor. “What’s this project you’re always working on, Sib?” Briana nuzzled Melody’s sweaty cheek. “Ugh, it’s some dumb thing that I stupidly made open source, and now it has a whole community and whatever I can’t let down.” “Why don’t you let them take it over if you don’t like it?” “Because they’d make it wrong.” “That doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t like working on it, then…” “Hey, Auntie, Briana’s diaper is more than just sweaty.” “That sounded like tattling, Melody,” Kiara smirked. “I’m just taking care of my little sister.” Melody’s faux-innocent expression made Briana roll her eyes. “Don’t think I didn’t see what you did there!” Briana’s fine, strident statement ended in a squeak as Kiara heaved her onto the changing table. “What, you mean make it so you don’t have to sit in a wet diaper for all of dinner? You know Grandma’s coming over; it’s going to be a long one.” “Fine, don’t tell me about your dumb project.” Briana crossed her arms as Kiara tore the tapes on her diaper. “I don’t care.” “Good.” “Good!” “Good!” “GOOD!” “Okay, kids, that’s enough.” Kiara popped a pacifier in Briana’s mouth. She didn’t have one handy for Melody, but the look she gave Mel was enough to shut them down just as effectively. Tuckered out from chasing a bouncy ball and with bigger issues to worry about than Melody’s coding project, Briana closed her eyes and relaxed into Kiara’s gentle diaper change. She’d have to ration her big-ness tomorrow to keep enough to have a proper strategy session with her aunt. Then Ava, Arthur, Fabi, and the rest of the Littles would never have to be scared again!

Chapter 3 – A Prescription for Progress Zack read the text message from his stepmother with resignation. Kelly: I’m picking you up in front of the school today. Don’t take the bus home. I will be parked across the street from the school sign. What the hell is this about? He wondered. He had the night off from softball, and had hoped to maybe get a couple of hours of Fortnite in. Kelly probably wanted to go shopping for shorts or something lame like that. Zack still fit in most of his shorts from last year, and anyway, he preferred going shopping with his dad. Kelly could play dress-up with Maddy. He wasn’t interested in being someone’s mannequin. Or doll. When the bell rang, Zack rose from his desk, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He fist-bumped a couple of his buddies, said “I’m not going to be online for a bit” to a few people, and headed to his locker to dump whatever books were in his bag that he didn’t need. Meaning most of them, in his estimation. He’d do homework tomorrow night. He was carried through the front doors of the school with a river of middle schoolers, most of whom were headed for the waiting busses, but he broke off from them, threaded his way between the large yellow conveyances (catching a stern glance from one of the drivers – you weren’t supposed to walk between them), and then he trotted across the grassy boulevard and scanned the vehicles parked in the no stopping zone across the street. Kelly’s silver Mini Cooper stood out from the other vehicles idling along the curb, most of which where SUV’s of one type or another, interspersed with a few minivans and pickup trucks. The two-door Mini looked like it had been manufactured on another scale then most of the mom-mobiles, maybe five eighths or something. She looked up from her phone and waived him over, an unnecessary gesture in his opinion. Obviously, he was heading over to her. What choice did he have? He supposed he could have bolted, or just taken the bus home, but that would have made Kelly angry, which would have made his dad angry, because when Kelly was displeased, she did not tend to keep it bottled up. He glanced left and right, then sauntered over at a pace that, he hoped, would suggest he was doing it on his own sweet time, not as a response to a direct order. He crossed behind the car, came up the passenger side, and opened the door. The front seat was tilted forward, so he tried to push it back, but Kelly blocked its return by putting her hand on the black leather headrest. “The back seat is safest, big guy.” Zack stopped and stepped back, as if reconsidering getting into the car. “Dad lets me ride in the front seat all the time.” “Yeah, well, your dad’s car is bigger, so if he thinks that’s safe, it’s up to him, but in my car, kids go in the back seat. If we get run over by a dump truck, you’ll be thanking me. You might be old enough to ride in the front, but you’re only a stone heavier than kids who use booster seats.” “What the hell’s a stone?” “Language, Zack.” “What the heck’s a stone?” “Fourteen pounds. The minimum weight for riding without a booster seat is eighty pounds, and I’d bet you don’t weigh ninety-five pounds with your shoes on.” “Yeah, but they exempt people over ten years old.” “The laws of physics don’t care how old you are when you go sailing through the windshield in an accident.” “Have you had a lot of accidents?” “Don’t be smart with me. Get in and buckle up, or I’ll pull Maddy’s booster seat out of the trunk for you.” Zack slumped into the back seat as though he was being forced into a police car, buckled his seatbelt, and took out his phone. He deliberately neglected to close the door, or pull the front seat back. “Zack, you’re being a brat!” Kelly fumed, while she undid her own seatbelt and reached across the console to try and reach the door. She had to climb most of the way out of the driver’s seat to get a hand on it. She punched at the start button, put the car in gear, and pulled out into traffic, accelerating abruptly as soon as the path cleared in front of her. Better hurry before they run out of summer clothes. Zack did his best to stare intently at gaming videos on his phone, even though the bumpy ride and go-cart like motions of the little car made watching a small image rendered on a small screen less than ideal. After what felt like an hour, but was probably twenty-five minutes, Kelly zipped into a parking structure next to a mid-rise tower in a complex close to the hospital. Zack looked up and saw a sign that read ‘Medical and Professional Office Parking’. What the hell…? Vaccinations, maybe? Great. However, he didn’t want to grace Kelly with conversation of any sort right now, so after she parked, he waited for her to open the passenger door, and then glumly stepped out, again leaving the door open for her to close. He trudged along behind her as they entered the lobby of the building, and she scanned a list of names and suite numbers on the marble wall beside the elevators. The building smelled of disinfectant and photocopying, and there was a pharmacy off the hallway past the elevators. If things had been going better with Kelly today, he might have thought about asking her to buy him a Gatorade. But he was not going to give her the satisfaction of saying no. The elevator opened before either Kelly or Zack hit the call button. A number of people filed out; a bald man in a charcoal suit, a younger guy in a lab coat, a woman pushing a toddler in a stroller and leading an unhappy looking older kid by the hand. A lady with a cart that had boxes on it. A well-dressed lady wearing too much perfume. Kelly waited for them to exit the mirrored box, and then stepped inside. Zack fixated on his phone and pretended he hadn’t noticed. Maybe it’ll take off with her in it. “Zack! Wake up!” Kelly put a hand out as if to stop the doors, although they had not started closing. Zack ambled forward, trying his best to look unhurried. Once he’d crossed the threshold, she hit the button for the fifth floor, and then held down the door close button, even though people were making their way across the lobby from the entrance. The doors shut, and the box rumbled into motion. On the fifth floor, the doors opened onto another marble lobby, this one with lower ceilings. Across from the bank of elevators, there was the entrance to a dental office on the left, and some kind of doctor’s office on the right… at least it looked like a doctor’s office to Zack. Behind plate glass, there were rows of generous looking leather chairs and benches, a TV on the wall showing a news channel, a reception desk with a woman behind it, wearing scrubs, and a man standing at a shelf of file folders behind her. To Zack, the place looked like bad news, but to Kelly, it was reassuringly professional looking. Kelly walked in, motioned him to the seats, and walked up to the reception desk to talk to the lady in the scrubs. Zack planted himself in a chair and took in his surroundings. The walls and the floor were covered in brown marble, giving the place an upscale appearance. Then he noticed back-lit, bright blue bubble letters running across a bulkhead above the desk. Dr. Amanda Paige & Associates Children’s Cognitive Behavioral & Sleep Therapy Clinic Behavioral clinic…. What is this place? Zack’s boredom turned to unease. There was no earthly reason why Kelly would have gone out of her way to bring him to one of her appointments; he could easily have stayed home alone, and would have been capable of watching Maddy, who was undoubtedly at someone else’s house right now. And anyway, the sign specified that this clinic was for children. He was just thinking that he should have asked more questions before agreeing to be picked up from school, and was considering texting his dad, when the person behind the desk stood up and walked through a door, emerging into a hallway just past the desk. She came around and shook hands with Kelly, who was still standing in front of the desk, and then she motioned for him to come over. Zack looked at the pair pensively, and did not immediately move to stand up, so Kelly shot him an impatient look that got him to his feet. He walked towards them, stopping at what he considered to be a safe distance. “Hello, Zack – my name is Ms. Ellen. Your mother has already told me a lot about you. It’s so nice to meet you. Why don’t both of you follow me.” With that, she turned and walked up the hall, her heel clacks echoing faintly on the shiny stone walls. She’s NOT my mother. Zack thought about saying it instead of just thinking it but decided not to. Depending on what was about to go down, he might need Kelly on his side. This place looked weird. Part way down the hall, there was a room off to the right with glass doors on it, that said ‘Children’s Corner’ on them in more big blue letters. The doors were clear at the top, frosted at the bottom, but Zack was tall enough to make out that there were kids inside seated at tables. Ms. Ellen put her hand on Zack’s shoulder and guided him to the door, which she pulled open. Inside, there was a younger lady sitting at a small desk, with long blond hair and a bright green kerchief tied around her collar. She extended a hand to Zack. “And who have we got here?” she asked. Ms. Ellen responded: “Ms. Christine, this is Zack Fischer. His mom has a meeting with Dr. Paige, so he’s going to be joining your crew for a little bit. Zack, this is Ms. Christine. If you need anything, she’ll take care of you. Please make yourself comfortable. There are books and craft tables, and some game consoles along the back wall. There are bottles of water and juice over there…” She pointed to a low glass fridge in a corner. “…And cookies and crackers over there.” She pointed out a small cabinet. Zack cleared his throat to ask a question, but Ms. Ellen had already whisked Kelly back through the door, to head further down the hallway. He looked at Ms. Christine. She smiled and offered to take the hoodie that he wore open at the front. He declined. She sat back down at the desk and started writing something down on a clipboard. He took in his surroundings. There were a couple of younger kids sitting at a low plastic picnic table, gluing brightly-coloured beads to pieces of construction paper. A girl about Maddy’s age was reading at another table. A boy and a girl who looked closer to his age were watching a kid’s movie from a couple of years before, on a small flat screen TV in a corner that was planted with beanbag chairs. At the far end of the room was a table with four screens on it, two on each side, back-to-back, with video game controllers arrayed around them that nobody was using. Zack decided to make his way over there. When he picked up a controller, a screen popped to life… but not the one he was sitting in front of. He moved over. Hitting the menu button on the controller yielded a list of games that could be played. None of them were new, and none of them were top-tier, action-oriented games, they were all older adventure games with no guns. He found Minecraft on the list… well, he could weaponize some tools in there, he figured. Maybe he’d find a bow and arrow. Or dynamite. Zack played for about 30 minutes, without getting too into the world he was building. He had no idea when they were leaving, but felt like it could be any minute. Realizing that he needed to pee, he stood up and walked back towards the glass doors. Ms. Christine looked up from whatever she was doing. “How can I help you, Zack?” “I need to, uh, use the washroom.” She pointed to an open pass-through back inside the room that he had missed when he made his way over to the video games. “The elimination room is down that way. Just pick up an ‘occupied’ sign from the basket on the shelf, and stick it to the fuzzy plaque on the wall next to the entrance. If you see a sign stuck to the wall, it means the room is occupied, but right now, nobody is in there. Go ahead.” “Uh, thanks…” Zack looked quizzically at the doorway, saw the fuzzy plaque, and the shelf with the basket of signs. He walked over and picked one up. They were red plastic circles that said “Occupied”, and on the back of them they had a patch of Velcro that, he intuited, would stick to the fuzzy framed patch on the wall. He picked one up and pressed it into place. Then he walked through the pass-through. The room he entered hooked off to the left. It was dimly lit. There was a fish tank built into a wall at the far end. More beanbag chairs on the floor. A rocking chair, what looked like exercise mats, and a small sofa. There was a rack of books. What wasn’t there was any sign of a washroom. Zack left the perplexing space and walked back over to Ms. Christine. “There’s no washroom in there.” “You can do whatever you need to do in there. It’s okay. Go ahead. You can use it for as long as you need to, there’s no rush.” “Okay, but… what I need to do is use a washroom.” “What do you need to do in the washroom?” Strange question. “I need to pee.” “You can do that in the elimination room.” “Like on the floor or something? I don’t get it.” Zack felt like he’d stepped into an alternate universe, where up was down, down was sideways, and nobody made any sense. Ms. Christine raised her eyebrows, then looked down at her clipboard, and flipped through a couple of pages. “Oh, right, this is your first visit. Sorry, Zack, my apologies. I can see why you’re confused. No problem. If you head back out to the waiting room, there is a bathroom around the other side of the reception desk. If anyone asks you where you’re going, tell them I said it’s okay. Just knock before you open it, if the door is closed – it doesn’t lock.” Ms. Christine got up and turned what looked like a deadbolt on the glass door, releasing him into the waiting room. It was Zack’s turn to raise his eyebrows, but he nodded dutifully, and headed across the waiting area. A couple of grownups sat in chairs. He guessed that their kids were inside the Children’s Corner. Ms. Ellen looked up at him and smiled, but she didn’t say anything. He found the washroom open and seemingly unoccupied and went inside, although he didn’t like that he couldn’t lock the door. Inside, the room was bigger than he’d expected. It was paneled in the same dark marble as the hallway. There was a counter with a double sink, soap dispensers, mouthwash, Q-tips, a box of latex gloves, and at the end of the room, there was a bathroom stall that, he thought, would have a lock. But before he went in, he took in the other fixture in the room, against the wall perpendicular to the sinks. It looked like a medical examination table. It had a roll of thin paper mounted on a horizontal spool at one end, and a low stepstool in front of it. There was a shelf on the right that held a large box of what looked like wet wipes, and below that, there was a steel garbage can with a pedal that opened the lid. There were also a couple of spray bottles on the shelf, small ones that looked medical. Maybe for cleaning the table? But why is it in here? So weird. Zack went into the stall and relieved himself. It did lock, thankfully. He walked out and went to the sink to wash his hands. He was in no hurry to go back into the Children’s Corner. Ms. Christine seemed nice, but something about the whole place was off. He decided to try the mouthwash – he’d never been in a bathroom that had free mouthwash before, and his dad used it at home, but didn’t give it to him or Maddy. It was green, minty, and it burned a little. He swished it around in his mouth. “Zack… are you in here?” It was Ms. Ellen. Zack spit into the sink. “Yup, I’m done.” He made his way out. “Come over to my desk for a moment, if you don’t mind.” He followed her. While he was in the washroom, another parent and child had come into the waiting room. The dad, in a grey jacket, was reading a magazine. The girl, who looked about the same age as Zack, was wearing a long white dress, and her eyes were locked on Zack. He gave her a sideways glance and walked over to Ms. Ellen’s desk. She was standing in front of it, instead of behind it, and she produced a long ribbon from her pocket that he determined was a measuring tape. With quick, studied motions, she slung the tape around his waist, then around his hips, noting the measurements on a chart that was on the desk. Then she motioned him over to a digital scale that was tucked into a cubby hole under the desk, which she pulled out. She tapped it once with her foot. “Hang on a sec, let it wake up…” The scale showed a zero. “There you go, step up. Don’t rest your hands on the desk – that’s cheating.” Zack stepped onto the scale. After a few seconds, the display showed 94.5 lbs. Ms. Ellen wrote that down too. Then she dropped one end of the measuring ribbon to the floor and asked him to step on the little metal nub that was at the end of it. Zack complied. She stretched it taught and eyeballed the number at his forehead. She wrote something else down. “Thanks Zack, that’s all I need. I can take you in to see your mom now, and meet the doctor, if you like.” Zack didn’t know if he liked it or not, but it seemed to be the way that fate was carrying him, so he let her lead the way. He glanced over at the girl in the dress. She was slightly wide-eyed, and looked like maybe she wanted to say something to him. A warning perhaps. But the moment passed in an instant, and she looked at the floor. He followed Ms. Ellen down the hall past the strange kids’ area, to normal-looking door. Ms. Ellen knocked on it, and from inside, a female voice said “Come on in.” Ms. Ellen opened the door, stepped aside, and Zack walked into what seemed to him to be a big office. There was a hefty wooden desk in the room, and a conference table with six leather chairs around it, as well as a small couch, and more beanbag chairs in a corner. These people like their beanbag chairs. A lady wearing what looked to Zack like principal’s or vice-principal’s clothes, was sitting on one side of the table, and Kelly was sitting on the other. The lady had shoulder-length hair that was blond mixed with gray. She had a gold watch on. In front of her was another clipboard, and it looked like her and Kelly had been looking at a laptop that was in the middle of the table. The lady spoke. “High, Zack. Come in and have a seat. Your mom has told me so much about you.” Everyone calling Kelly his mom grated heavily on Zack, but his uncertainty about the circumstances caused him to reign in his tongue. “Hi.” He said simply. He took a seat one empty chair away from Kelly. “I’m Dr. Amanda Paige, but you can call me Dr. Amanda. Your mom has been telling me….” Zack interrupted softly: “Kelly. She’s Kelly.” The lady paused, glanced at Kelly, then went on. “Kelly has been telling me about some of the issues you’ve been having at night, poor sleeping, accidents, leaks. She said that it’s been preventing you from doing fun stuff like sleepovers, and important stuff, like paying attention in class. And being that tired and inattentive might even be causing you to have some slipups during the day.” Zack’s face turned bright red in a rising tide from his chin to his forehead. Involuntarily, he closed his eyes and dropped his head. What the absolute fu**?!? “Take a breath, Zack. It’s okay. This is very, very common. I have a room full of kids out there who have some of the same issues that you do, some older, some younger than you. This is not a place for shame or embarrassment, this is a place for solutions. I believe that I can help you, and help your m… Kelly… to help you as well.” Zack stared at the floor. “You and I are going to have some meetings in the coming weeks where you are going to have a chance to tell me everything you’re thinking about. Your voice is very important here. And you’re going to participate in some group jams, as we call them, where you’ll meet kids just like yourself, who are working through similar challenges. But for the moment, we’re going to address some practical considerations first. “The training pants that you’ve been wearing at night, they aren’t really meant for kids your age. Sure, they say they are on the packaging, and sure, they fit okay, but what do they always end up doing? Leaking, that’s what. The most important thing for you is getting a good night’s sleep – that’s pivotal to your social and academic life. And the first step to getting you there is… stopping the leaks! Eventually, we’ll stop you from leaking, too, but first, we need to stop your underpants from leaking, okay?” Zack looked across the glossy wooden table at Dr. Amanda. She seemed to be waiting for a response. He whispered “Okay” before he knew what he was doing. All the fight had gone out of him. Sitting here in this room with these two grownups, talking about his bedwetting like it was front page news, was more than he could process. “Okay! That’s good. We got an ‘okay’. So, Zack, I have a question for you – do you like animals, or, do you like construction equipment?” “Huh?” “Do you prefer pictures of animals, or pictures of construction equipment?” “Uhh… what kind of animals?” “Dogs, cats, bunnies.” Zack had no idea where this was going. “Probably… construction equipment. I guess.” “Good! That’s all I need to know for now.” Dr. Amanda pulled out her phone and typed a quick note to someone. “Kelly, thank you for bringing this charming young man in to see me today. Zack, I look forward to getting to know you.” She glanced from Zack, back to Kelly. “Ms. Ellen is going to give you a patient number at the front desk. Stop at the pharmacy on the way out and ask for Mr. Burke. Give him that number, and he’ll be able to pull up my notes. Drive around to the South side of the building – that’s the opposite side from the main road – and you’ll see a steel door with a ramp in front of it. If you back up that ramp and ring the doorbell, Mr. Burke will help you put everything into your car. Be careful on that ramp – I’ve nearly driven off it myself!”

32 - Same Old Same Old It was halfway into the next week without much changing for the girls. Joyce worked and Emily continued to try to find any to begin with. It all started with online job searching, but the more and more she scoured, the more discouraged she was feeling. Hence a woeful Wednesday morning with Joyce getting up for her regular work hours. Quietly yawning, she silenced the buzz from her phone, awkwardly maneuvering her upper half to do the task. Her strained movement tickled her heart as she stroked Emily’s hair, who sound asleep had an arm draped over Joyce’s side with her head laid near close to Joyce’s chest. It’d clearly become a popular spot for Emily, not that Joyce had a single complaint. But as always, the fun could not last forever. Joyce carefully lifted Emily’s arm, trying to slip out of bed without an issue. Issue however was not avoided this time, as the girl was already groaning as she stirred in bed. “Joyce…?” Emily muttered in a tired voice. “Go back to sleep, hon.” Joyce whispered before kissing her on the head. Emily was delayed on the uptake, but shook her head, somehow finding it in herself to sit up in the bed. “N-no, I--” she paused for a great yawn, “I’m up too...” “Emily, you really don’t need to...” Joyce said, almost frowning. The girl’s eyes weren’t even open. “I do...” Emily adamantly answered in a tired voice. “I can’t slack just ‘cuz I don’ have a job...” she yawned yet again. “How about ten more minutes? Just to give yourself a small boost?” Joyce suggested. Call her cruel, but frankly she wanted to trick Emily into going back to sleep. Not for any malicious reason but instead for her own wellbeing. This jobless predicament wasn’t getting any better. “You’re my boost...” Emily groaned as she slumped out of bed, nearly taking herself to the floor. Her feet found stable purchase in the last few seconds though as she stood up. Joyce disapproved, but she wasn’t going to make anything big out of it. “Wanna eat breakfast with me?” Joyce asked, slipping her fingers between Emily’s hairs and scratching her scalp, then stepping into the bathroom. As Joyce did some light prep for herself in the mirror, Emily in its reflection could be seen walking in from behind, a stuffed mochi plush in her arms. She squinted her eyes though, teary from the irritation of the light. And as Joyce worked on herself, Emily either with a clouded conscious or deliberately no care, dropped her bottoms as she sat on the toilet. She squeezed Pip at the same time whilst she did her business. “Good girl...” Joyce spoke lowly and to herself, watching briefly with a small smile. Despite everything that happened up until now, Emily still regularly made a habit of what Joyce told her to do. Whether Emily was aware or not, Joyce was hoping to build a second kind of association to the bathroom for the girl. One that hopefully helped her when in diapers. Both were in the kitchen soon after, just beginning to see the night sky fade away. “What do you want? Eggs and toast? A bagel and some fruit? Something else?” Joyce asked. “Don’t you have to leave soon, though?” Emily asked from her chair at the table. “That wasn’t the question?” Joyce peered into the fridge. “I can make myself something after you leave...” “And that wasn’t one of the answers,” Joyce tutted. Where this all stemmed from was becoming terribly obvious, but it still didn’t feel right to seriously push the matter, at least not yet. They’d made headway on their personal matters but seemed to be feeling a wedge caused by joblessness. “I think you’re going to love eggs and toast.” Joyce decided for her, already reaching out for the necessities. “What if I called in today? Two heads searching for postings is better than one?” Joyce offered, though expecting a likely answer. “I can’t make you miss work because of me...” Emily said, dwelling sorrowfully over the offer. To her, it felt like a soft reminder that she needed to fix this issue fast. Already she wasn’t contributing financially in any capacity, but that didn’t mean she could be out of a means to rectify that. Her perception and Joyce’s were like night and day, but it was Emily’s own fears and insecurities that kept them from seeing eye to eye. “Okay...” Joyce didn’t fight her on it. “I just want you to know you’re not in this alone, alright?” “Mm...” Emily gave a small nod, keeping her weary eyes aimed at the tabletop. Joyce bent over to set a plate in front of Emily, but not before planting a kiss on her cheek. “...I’m sorry.” Emily suddenly apologized. “Sorry for what?” Joyce asked, sitting down in front of her own plate. “I’m being grumpy. I don’t mean anything against you...” “I know you don’t. What I’d like though is to not hold yourself to so high of a standard… It’s okay to relax, you know?” “Says who…?” Emily grimaced, hating to constantly be faced with her own incompetence. “Says me?” Joyce raised an eyebrow. “I think all the effort you’ve put into finding a new job really shows your determination. That being said, seeing you break down because of it isn’t something I like to see...” Out of impulse, a knee-jerk reaction, Emily said, “Well sorry my struggles don’t look nice to you...” But instantly she felt regret in her words. “Wait, no-- I didn’t mean it like...” Before she could even see a reaction from her girlfriend, Emily’s remorse was already sounding thick as her voice quivered. Joyce, outwardly didn’t seem fazed by her words though. “I know, it’s fine...” But internally, despite knowing the circumstances, her words did sting a little. “You’ll always have my support, Emily, but it’s my advice that you give yourself at least a small break today.” Emily had been rubbing her eyes, hiccupping. “I’m sorry...you didn’t do anything wrong…!” Joyce sighed with a sympathetic smile before walking behind Emily’s chair. She slowly rubbed her back as she crouched. Her look seemed to soften as a tender aura came about her. “You know, I think what the real problem is that somebody is up far too early for their own good...” she soothed. “Good little Emily’s like you need at least a full eight hours before they can even think about what they need to do today.” Her tears were just about done, but her objections were not. “But Joyce, I’m--!” “Emily?” She softly called, interrupting her, but looking her directly in the eyes. “That’s enough.” Her words were simple, yet rang like ironclad authority. They were girlfriend and girlfriend, yet almost instantly the dynamic felt completely different, yet familiar all the same. “I will never force you to stop doing what you want,” she made another bold move in pulling back Emily’s chair after standing up. “However, I certainly reserve the right to at least put it on hiatus.” The girl made a noise of surprise as Joyce hoisted her into the air. “Joyce! Put me down! I’m fine...really, I am!” Emily complained, resorting to her weak protests rather than flail her sluggish limbs. “You will be after some more shuteye.” Joyce corrected. Back into their bedroom they went. Joyce deposited Emily onto the bed yet was quick to pull the covers out and under from her then slipping them right back over her. “Sleep. Or else.” Joyce said grimly, but then made a playful growl with her hand shaped like a claw. “Don’t you have work?” Emily asked, remaining in the bed. “...I’ll just get out after you leave.” Joyce exhaled through her nose. “The reason why I am working today is because you told me you didn’t want me staying home for your sake. If I’m not going to help you out today, then I need you to at least give me this peace of mind?” And if she really did want to be stubborn, Joyce could as easily read her bluff with the security cameras. But, of course, she wouldn’t for something like this. Now that they were an item there was a definitive line that shouldn’t be crossed for when it came to absolute privacy, and this didn’t qualify. Emily didn’t look sold on the idea, but the difficult position between pleasing Joyce and continuing her search for validation tore her strained and tired mind in two. It was the straw of very few that broke the mentally exhausted camel’s back. She was already rubbing her watery eyes. “My little crybaby...” Joyce said with a soft chuckle, leaning over to grab Pip then slipping him into her arms. “I’ve instructed Pip to not let you out of this bed until you’ve gone back to sleep and get a couple more hours of rest. Otherwise, he’ll tell me all about it. Understood?” “That doesn’t work...” Emily wiped her eyes. “I’m an adult right now…!” “Yes, you are, but I’ll use every ace up my sleeve to cheer you up.” She kissed her on the forehead. “Sleep. After that, you’re free to do as you please.” Joyce stood up from the bed, watching Emily turn to her side and get comfortable. Satisfied, Joyce walked to the doorway. “Wait...Joyce?” She turned her head. “I’m...” Emily sniffled. “I’m really sorry...” Joyce nearly winced, it felt so powerful. “Everything’s forgiven. Sleep well, okay?” “Uh-huh...” Emily nodded. Joyce started to leave, but… “Wait, Joyce?” “Yes?” “...I love you.” “I love you too.” She smiled, then gently closed the door on her way out. Shame was what resonated the most when Emily was finally in a conscious and coherent state. It was her not so well-kept secret that getting up so early had left her with mere puddles in her tank and why she was so high-strung and so fragile. Barely arguing with Joyce and instantly crying over it… Being able to reflect on how she was acting practically made her cringe now. The most she could hope for was that Joyce didn’t take her temper to heart from this morning. But even now, given the chance to do things differently, she would, but not to go back to sleep. Sleep was exactly what she needed and that’s why she didn’t want it. Giving herself a moment’s rest is the last thing she could ask for, because in her frenzied state of momentum in trying to find a new job she was running herself into the ground. Going to bed late, getting up early. The only reason she found time to eat between her searches and stressing was because Joyce always forced her to eat something, thankfully. So, after pushing herself so hard for so long, it was inevitable that any real pause would make her crash entirely. Sleep just a couple more hours? Judging by the time on her phone, it was past four hours of sleep. The assumed responsibilities and urgency in her mind hadn’t changed, yet as she groaned and turned in bed, holding Pip tighter, everything except her own mind was fighting and begging her not to get up. Everything was too comfortable. Too easy and too simple; a stark contrast to the emotional gauntlet she’d been launching herself into. Laying in bed she narrowed her gaze, focusing on what was invisible. “Everything sucks...” Meanwhile, elsewhere in the city, the usual chime of a bell to a familiar store had rang. Ahead, a man and woman as a pair were dealing with a blonde-haired woman behind a desk, seeming thankful as they received two flat rectangular boxes. “Hope you two enjoy these at the ceremony.” Amy smiled, waving them off. Joyce politely stepped to the side to let them past. Now it was just Joyce and the proprietor herself. “Joyce!” Amy beamed. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” She exaggerated in a grandish kind of manner. “Let me guess, judging by the look on your face...you were so satisfied with my work as always and felt the need to come back and thank me personally while also putting in another order?” She said, her voice leaning into sarcasm. Then her expression turned into a small grin before looking entirely sympathetic. “...Or not. Right,” she sighed in a knowing voice, “figured as much.” Joyce, who had yet to speak a word, now alone with Amy had a small annoyed expression on her face. A look that told she’d been thinking to herself in circles all afternoon, which added to the total of days she’d been like this, unable to find any effective solution to her problems. “Are you free right now?” Joyce asked. Joyce herself had her lunch break, but Amy… Amy didn’t bother looking at the clock. “I suppose I can start my break now.” She walked from behind the desk to close up the front of the store. “So, jokes somewhat aside, I see it that I’m playing counselor again today?” She smirked, yet Joyce still looked bothered. Not by Amy, but by her own problems at home. “Okay, come on...” She placed a hand behind Joyce’s back, gently pushing her alongside. “In all the time that you’ve had me employed, I can’t say I’ve ever seen you so expressive as you have been the past month or so… Is this about Emily?” “...Yes.” Joyce sighed. “I don’t know what to do.” “So you thought your seamstress was the best person to consult?” On a dime Joyce stopped. She already started turning back. “Fine, I can see you're busy. I’m sorry for inter--” “Stop.” Amy halted her with one word. “I was joking. Come on back...” She grabbed Joyce’s arm to keep her moving. “It’s fine, Joyce. This gives me a weird kinda deja vu though...feels like we’ve done this before.” They both walked up the stairs in the back up to Amy’s spacious apartment. Everything was white and clean as per usual, accented by the light coming in through all her windows. “Want to eat lunch with me, at least? It isn’t much, but I have stuff for sandwiches?” Amy offered. “I’m not hungry right now. Just stressed.” “Perfect reason to eat something. Give yourself more brain power.” Joyce sat on a barstool by the window looking into the kitchen. Amy was already in her fridge pulling out deli meats. “So, what are you two arguing about?” “We’re not arguing...” Joyce sighed, though saying that out loud did somehow feel reassuring. Instantly it reminded her that they together weren’t the issue. “It’s about Emily and her work.” “Mhm?” Amy left a crumb, waiting for the explanation to continue. “She’s been out of work for almost three weeks now, but only two weeks ago did she find out that she was losing her job. And it wasn’t even her fault!” Joyce outraged. “That...stupid company she was working for cut her department!” Originally she thought more rationally of the business decision, but with how everything had been going, Joyce would be damned if she even thought to use logic that might pit her against total and complete support for Emily. “So they just let her go?” “Yes!” “Hm.” Amy frowned. “That definitely is shitty. And she hasn’t found a job since?” “No. She’s constantly been searching, sending her resume out as far as I know. But nothing… I don’t care that she’s jobless. I already made that clear to her. What I hate is what she’s doing to herself in trying to get a new job. She goes to bed late, wakes up early, only eats when I make her...” “Hm...Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t being the one in charge of her meals be something that you actually--” “Not like this!” Joyce countered preemptively, hiding a flustered shade in her cheeks. In tense moments of ranting like this, it was easy to forget that Amy had some idea of what they did… “I...I just want things to go back to the way they were.” “Isn’t she searching for a job though?” Amy reminded Joyce, putting together her sandwich. “It may suck, but if you give it some time she’s bound to find one eventually. Then you both get what you want?” Joyce acknowledged the point somewhat, but that moment right then, seeing what Emily was doing to herself, it bothered her. It felt wrong to just let it sit. “I just can’t fully understand why it’s so important for her to put herself through all this...I mean, I support us both! I refused her money from the start! Maybe I should forbid her from--” “Ah-ah! Stop! Stop!” Amy interjected as she formed an ‘X’ with her arms. “Even if that’s just a joke, don’t think like that. No matter how close you two are, that’s a kind of agency you can’t take from someone.” “...I know...” Joyce sunk her head into her arms on the counter. “I’m terrible...Emily’s been trying her hardest, and all I can think of is how to get her to stop...” “Relax,” Amy put a hand on Joyce’s arm. “Your heart is in the right place, but I think you could use some perspective. You said it yourself: you refused her money and you’re the one that financially supports you both?” Joyce nodded. “And you both live in your house? That you exclusively pay the bills for?” “Yes...but I told her that--” Amy continued. “Does she cook meals for you? Do laundry? Clean?” Joyce went silent. It’d been unfortunately a long time coming as the laundry list was read. “...I do most of it...” “So you’re responsible for the finances and all the housework?” “...Yes.” “Joyce, I don’t mean this in a bad way, but it sounds like the only responsibility Emily was left with was her own job. Without that, what does she have?” “She has me!” Joyce said defensively. “Yes, she does. Calm down, mama tiger,” Amy held up her open palms at her fierce reply. “But in all seriousness, if all she has is her work which you won’t let her use to contribute to both your livelihoods, wouldn’t you expect her to be a bit shaken if she loses her last thing?” Only now were her faults starting to feel strikingly glaring. Up until now it had only ever been about placating the issue, or kicking the can further down the road. Joyce had taken everything from her. Joyce cooked, cleaned, worked, provided, paid and managed. She only ever expected Emily to be carefree, lackadaisical and comfy. But...of course that would get boring. Of course, being sat next to someone that handled quite literally everything and with such ability would make you feel less than. It makes you scrutinize what you do have, and makes you much more critical and forces you to value your few contributions. Inadvertently, in trying to be a godsend for Emily, maybe she was being the exact opposite. She wanted to take care of Emily in every sense, which might work when she’s her baby girl, but as an adult, all she was doing was taking away everything Emily could do to lead her life like one. Her job was the last real thing she had. And as the revelation passed through her mind, Amy finished preparing her lunch, and Joyce felt terrible. “I took everything from her...” Joyce whispered sullenly. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. You’re possibly being a bit too over the top about it.” “But what you’re saying makes sense!” Joyce said. “When she was working, it was just work then go home to wait for me to get back and do everything...Emily has always been my equal, but maybe she never felt like it...” “Slow down a bit,” Amy said. “If you’ve gone this far to only have an issue once she lost her job, that can’t mean she’s been completely dissatisfied? I’m sure she’s been happy?” “I...I think so…?” Joyce suddenly said, oddly unsure of herself now. She smiled, she giggled, flirted and all those other things… Were they real though? “If I had to guess, maybe this is all subconscious then. Without realizing it, maybe Emily’s been put in this headspace because that’s how things played out. I highly doubt she’d ever hold anything against you, Joyce. You seem to have had the best of intentions, albeit what they are.” “But...would her finding a new job really fix anything, then?” Joyce aired her passing thought. Now it didn’t seem like a full solution; just a band-aid for a bigger problem. “I don’t think there’s one thing that could be called a complete solution...” Amy supposed. “Sure, she gets a new job, but then it’s back to the way things were before. Maybe if she had some other forms of routine in her life so that it’s not just work and waiting for you?” Joyce furrowed her brow, trying to think. Finding more things for Emily to do did make sense, but if she was being honest, Joyce still liked being the one largely in charge. Having control was what gave her pleasure. To know now that maybe it was hurting Emily, it put her at odds with her desires and her love for Emily. Of course Emily would win, but the imagined victory felt bitter. “I know it sounds selfish...” Joyce started, “But I like being the one to do the lion’s share...” “I’m sure you do.” Amy figured, given their discussion thus far. “There’s plenty of ways to diversify her lifestyle, and maybe if you’re willing to compromise, give her some chances to feel like you rely on her for more than what you two have now.” “Chances?” “Simple stuff. Like maybe three nights out of the week she’s in charge of cooking and cleaning?” “...Three whole nights?” Joyce asked, her skepticism sounding obvious. Not that she doubted Emily for a minute, but...Joyce liked doing those things for her. Amy shrugged. “Two then?” Joyce nodded, but still… “...What if we did one night, just to see how we both feel about it?” Amy rolled her eyes. “I’m not your couple’s therapist. These are just ideas.” Joyce shook her head. “No, no. Thank you. You’ve helped me consider stuff I don’t think I would have noticed on my own...” Which bothered her the most, not being able to read these things through her own intuition. “But huh...” Joyce reflected, “Maybe she doesn’t even need to work. At least, it’s not as important as she thinks...” “I wouldn’t say that right away,” Amy steered her conclusion, taking a bite from her food. “Sure, monotony and lack of responsibility might be this problem, but being a working adult at her age is another. I’m not a mind reader, so this doesn’t necessarily speak for Emily, but what if the next day tomorrow, you two were to break up? Where would that leave her without even a job to support herself?” Joyce pressed her hands on the counter, standing herself off the barstool with a raised voice. “That’ll never happen! I would never break up with her in a million years!” “It’s just a hypothetical,” Amy laughed at her serious reaction. “I don’t expect it either, but we always consider the worst case scenario. This is all speculation though. For all we know, Emily wouldn’t have any issues as long as she has other things to fall back on.” “And then it’s back to where we started…” Joyce miffed. Amy chuckled through her bites as she went on to say. “Well, an eccentric relationship comes with its unique trials and tribulations?” Her lunch came to an end as her useful advice did as well. “I think that’s plenty of food for thought though?” “It is...” Joyce pensively agreed. “...Thank you, by the way,” Joyce added with a sincere look, albeit slow on the thanks due to brainstorming already. “Of course,” Amy smiled, “other than for a friend, it suits my interests to keep my clientele happy, too? Course, I remember making a certain somebody a whole lot of special outfits I have yet to see them in…?” Amy raised her eyebrow with a coy smile. “Amy, I...” Joyce smiled through her moment of pause. She did want to show off Emily in Amy’s tailored clothes as a form of gratitude, and an excuse to see Emily herself in such adorable outfits, yet obviously things were difficult for a list of reasons, privacy being the utmost… “Relax,” Amy chuckled, seeing just how seriously Joyce took her, “just kidding. Sure, it’d be a nice plus, but it’s not exactly policy to see them wearing it myself...But, could I still float you ideas in the future if I get any?” And she was back to having stars in her eyes. “She’s such a niche that I’ve barely been able to work in! Besides, you wouldn’t mind putting in an order if you like it too, right? Right?” She eagerly pushed and pushed. “Y-...let me sort this out first...” Joyce sighed with her own smile. “...But yes, please keep me in the loop...” Hence why Joyce could be Amy’s favorite customer; lined with pockets that ran so deep that the store itself could make demands of the buyer. Amy’s reaction was an unbridled ear-to-ear smile. “Great! Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but this is like a special treat!” And like a dog that heard a noise trained to only their ears, she murmured to herself, “I gotta remember to draw something in my sketchbook…!” “Wait, really? Can I take a--!” Partway into her sentence Joyce clamped down on her mouth and came to her senses, suddenly looking like a guilty child. “I...should go. Before I get too sidetracked…” Joyce shuffled embarrassingly on the barstool. “I think you should too. Frankly you look like a kid in a candy store when you’re here for Emily.” Amy cheekily giggled. “Besides, fashion is art!” Amy then changed her tone to scold Joyce. “Maybe if it was something specific you wanted, but otherwise I don’t share my imagination! Wait until it’s done!” “Uh-huh, uh-huh...” Joyce sighed as she stood back up. “Sorry for cutting into your break. I need to get back to work as well. Thanks for letting me ramble a little.” “Of course. What are friend-slash-seamtresses for?” Amy laughed, leaving Joyce looking a bit bashful yet again. “Which reminds me,” she turned away from the counter to scribble something on a piece of paper, then handed it to Joyce. “Is this your phone number?” Joyce asked. “But I already have your--” “Business number, which essentially is my normal one, but I sometimes remember that I have a social one, too?” She reached out to Joyces hand, curling it up with the paper in her palm to drive the point home. “Use it from now on. Frankly I’m not sure why I didn’t just give it to you sooner. I think you’ve bothered me plenty about stuff that’s a far cry from making clothes.” “It wasn’t intentional...” Joyce looked the other way. “Well now it can be,” Amy smiled. “Now I won’t have my business phone buzzing in the middle of the night?” “You’re okay with giving me your number, though? I don’t want to bother you...” Amy was rolling her eyes. “Joyce, we aren’t dating. Don’t make this any bigger than it really is! We’re friends. Now be a good friend and let me go back to work!” She left the kitchen and opened the door for Joyce. “...Right. Thanks.” Joyce nodded simply, oddly put for a lack of emotion as she went down the stairs first. At the front of the store Amy saw her out. “And again, I one-hundred percent understand privacy,” Amy began with a hardened and serious expression, yet naturally melted into a gushy melt, “but try and butter her up for me? I gotta know how she looks in the clothes!” Amy glowed like an addict in need of their fix. “I’ll see what I can do after all this...” Joyce gave a sympathetic look, one intimidated by the massive expectations Amy seemed to boast. “Bye~!” Amy waved her off as Joyce went back to her car. Joyce sat in her vehicle, silently staring at the scribbled number on the piece of paper. She glanced back at the store. “I guess we sorta are friends...” Joyce quietly said, morphing into a small smile. And if she needed an explanation for all the new faces that’d come into her life, her phone vibrated, signaling a text. FROM: Emmy Emmy: I’m really sorry about this morning… u aren’t mad, are u? Joyce gave it a few minutes of thought before sending a reply. Joyce: Only if you haven’t forgiven yourself yet? There wasn’t an immediate reply, likely meaning that the message caused Emily to stew. Satisfied with the supposed reaction, Joyce felt a bit more rosy on her drive back to work. “Hey!” Joyce called out as she stepped inside the apartment. It was the same day only much later into the afternoon. No response, which unfortunately had become the norm as of late. Along that same trend, Joyce knew where to find Emily. Slipping off her heels and walking down the hall, she lightly knocked her knuckle against the open door frame. “Hey?” Joyce announced again in a casual tone. In her home office behind the glowing screens a black head of hair perked up. The swivel chair wheeled back just a little for Emily to stand into view. “Hey,” Emily said back, somewhat neutral. She was engrossed with a cocktail of emotions, attributed to her unemployment, exhaustion, stress and remorse from her attitude that morning. “Was work good…?” “Enlightening,” Joyce kept it brief and cryptic as she walked around the desk. Emily was looking over the computer screens as she sat in the chair, “You made yourself lunch, right?” She started to massage Emily’s tense shoulders. “I had an apple...” Emily murmured. She was both too focused and too sheepish to admit her irresponsible time management. “How about we have dinner, then?” Joyce leaned forward to rest her chin atop Emily’s head. “I’m hungry, and I know you can eat, too. Keep me company in the kitchen?” Anything to get her away from obsessing over something that just caused her pain. “Mm.” Emily quietly nodded. “I’m just gonna send out a few more emails...I had to re-do my resume today...” Since Emily wasn’t looking up, she couldn’t see Joyce’s brief frown. “...Actually, uhm, I thought I could use your help tonight?” Such an unexpected request gave the shock factor one might expect from Emily. She stopped typing and gave her full attention to Joyce. “You need my help? For cooking?” Joyce nodded. “Yep. A second set of hands’ll help make dinner faster and let us both relax?” “Uh, okay...” And Joyce was ready to sing as that was enough to get Emily out of the chair. “Is it okay if I leave this stuff here? I’ll take care of it after we eat.” “Of course,” Joyce smiled, seeing her out of the office first. Frankly she hoped somehow Emily wouldn’t set foot back into that office until the next morning. A cruel, yet effective thought crossed her mind -- just install a lock. Then she’d really feel like a mommy… “Shoot,” Joyce bit her tongue, realizing it only as an afterthought. “I told myself since the last time we cooked together I needed to get an apron more your size...” She said out loud while she tied one of her own on Emily’s. It certainly got the job done, but of course a more properly sized one would better suit her build. “I mean, it’s only once in a while that I help...” Emily softly countered, allowing her hair to be tied up. “Well, maybe if we get you your own apron, that might force things to change a little?” Joyce said. That certainly struck Emily as odd, even in her preoccupied state, still weighing the troubles of employment on her mind. “But...cooking’s your thing?” She confusedly said. “It is,” Joyce agreed, “but no reason why it can’t be yours, too? You don’t have to cook with me if you don’t want -- I just figured since the time you said that you wanted to bond mo--” “--No, I do,” Emily cut her off, “I’m just a little surprised, I guess. But no, I mean, that sounds good. I don’t really cook as well as you, though...” She started to recline into her own insecurities. “Emily, you cook just fine.” Joyce warmly corrected her. “Besides, I’ll whip you into shape if I think anything seems amiss!” She finished tying on her own apron. “Is this what ‘enlightening’ work does to you?” Emily laughed, turning away to go to the fridge. It didn’t seem to elicit a response as Emily turned back to see Joyce looking silent. “Is something wrong?” Joyce shook her head. “No. At least, I don’t think. You sorta guessed it...I did some thinking and talking today, and I guess I wanna hear your take on it.” “...Okay?” Emily raised a brow, not sure to what extent she was about to go, nor what she had to say. “But first, let’s start washing some veggies,” Joyce walked over to the fridge, “I don’t wanna make this seem like another ‘talk’, because it’s not. Just wanna pick your brain a little.” “Sure?” Emily replied, accepting two red tomatoes. Over the running faucet they stood side by side while they washed. “Emily, when you were working, what did a normal day look like for you? Before I got home?” Emily was silent, thinking to herself. “Uh...I dunno. I guess I sorta just...lay around...” It felt a bit embarrassing to admit. “...Watch tv, I guess...” “And that’s completely fine!” Joyce was quick to reassure, seeing that Emily might be interpreting it as accusatory than something much more sincere. “I made it clear from the start that I wanted you to enjoy yourself. I said that I’d handle all the heavy-lifting.” “Mhm...” Emily nodded. “But in trying to give you a relaxed kind of lifestyle, I’m only starting to think now that I’ve made it too relaxed for you…” “Too relaxed?” Emily asked, setting aside a polished vegetable. “Em, once you get home from work and have the apartment to yourself, doesn’t it get boring?” Boring. Not once had the word ever crossed Emily’s mind, yet Joyce saying it aloud had her oddly resonating with it. “Boring? I mean...I dunno if that’s how I’d describe it...” Emily said as she stared down at the sink. As Emily gave a lukewarm answer, it was enough to really confirm Joyce’s suspicions she sprouted with Amy, yet by the same token nor did it dispel them either. In all fairness, the assumptions she made about Emily craving for hobbies, tasks to do, more routine -- even Joyce couldn’t imagine herself being able to put a pin on such a stretch. Naturally Emily’s feelings knew what was really going on, but of course the emotional heart doesn’t communicate in words to the brain. How could Emily say if she didn’t even know herself? For what kind of life Emily had started to lead Joyce felt completely responsible for. It wasn’t all bad, of course, and largely good. But, in Joyce’s demands and Emily’s willingness to abide by them, it proved to not only be progressive, but particularly regressive for her. What stung the most was again what she felt so conflicted about while speaking with Amy. Change did need to occur, but Joyce just couldn’t settle herself on Emily finding another job. It’d just be a return to the status quo. And yet it wouldn’t. It would be worse. Nevermind the job possibly being worse than her previous one, but be mindful of how it might validate Emily’s misguided thinking, believing that being employed again is what’ll keep her in a state of complacency. “Joyce?” Emily got her attention again, gently swinging her hip into Joyce’s thigh. “Veggies are done being washed. What next?” “H-huh? Uhm...now we chop them up. Don’t forget, kitty paws...” Joyce passively reminded as she tried to think of what to say next about their conversation. “I think one of these jobs I’m gonna apply for might be a decent chance...” Emily half-smiled, trying to stay positive, but also steadfastly grounded by the realities of seeking employment. “Mm.” Joyce made a noise of acknowledgement while she chopped. “‘Mm.’ That’s it?” Emily turned her head over to Joyce, yet a hand quickly grabbed her head of hair, gently turning it back to where she was chopping. “Eyes on where you’re using the knife, please,” Joyce reminded in a friendly manner. “And yes, ‘Mm…’. I just have a lot on my mind, is all...” “Stuff on your mind you’re gonna share?” Emily asked, though keeping her eyes where they should be. “Stuff I’d...rather let stew for a bit longer...” Joyce dodged the question. Emily’s look faded into something hovering above a small frown. Resting the butt of her hand on the halved onion, she carefully and slowly chopped. “Is it about me not having a job?” “...I don’t want to make waves...” Joyce said, hoping that it could be left there. While she thought Emily might be too focused on the prospect of getting a job, Joyce also didn’t want to seem like an obstacle to that very goal. It was obviously important to Emily, and Joyce just didn’t know how to circumvent that without direct confrontation. “...I wanna talk about it, though.” Emily finally decided. “We agreed that we were always gonna face our problems right away, didn’t we?” Joyce with part of her face turned away bit her lip. That they did. “You’d be feeling like me right now if I used that against you, you know...” Joyce sighed, trying not to lose the airy atmosphere. “Probably,” Emily agreed, “but you’d still think it’s for the best?” Ouch. That gave Joyce another scrunch in her look. She pondered choosing her words more carefully in the future… But naturally, she was right. And as Joyce thought, Emily was thinking as well. Her mind drifted to what was the hot topic of her life right now and by association, Joyce’s too. Employment. Ever since the night Emily confessed to losing her job, Joyce really hadn’t offered anything very opinionated on it since. Was it because she was suppressing her impatience for Emily not having a job by now? As kind as Joyce was, Emily at least expected something like that… But Emily knew her efforts were known, so maybe Joyce was just looking to get the feeling off her chest. Emily could handle a few more expectations. “And...I think I might know what you’re thinking already,” Emily started. Joyce gave her a caught off-guard kind of look, wondering if she really did know. “Look, Joyce, I know I’m not working right now...but I promise, I’m working as hard as I can and I’m sure I’ll get one soon...If there’s anything else I can do in the meantime, I...” Her words started to fade once she saw the look on Joyce’s face. It was a frown. Unmistakable disapproval. The slight dip in her expression as she held a hand on her hip. “Emily, this entire time I’ve wanted you doing anything but looking for a job...” She finally spoke her mind, spinning Emily’s head upside down. “Are you joking...?” Emily asked. “Are you?” Joyce retorted, she didn’t mean for it to be rude, but her disbelief was genuine. “Did you really think that I’d want that of you? Emily, I’ve always refused your money and I’ve always wanted you to be happy. I also told you this morning that I wasn’t going to get in the way of what you really want, but if I’m being honest, this really feels like a time when I’d be doing just that.” In retrospect, Joyce being in the opposite camp wasn’t so unimaginable, but seeing that her assumptions were shattered right there, Emily needed help finding a new one. “Wh...why?” “Because of this morning!” Joyce raised her voice, not at Emily, but just from thinking of the past week. “Every day it’s been getting up early and every night going to bed late. Every afternoon when I come home I always find you in my office! It looks like you forget to eat lunch… I’ve debated whether or not I should be leaving you something in the fridge for when I’m at work!” She let off some steam, and Emily stood still, taking it all in with hurt. Has she really made her that upset? “I’m sorry, I...” Emily started to apologize, “I have the savings to buy my own computer, I’ll remind myself to eat...” “Emily, that’s not the point!” Joyce made it clear. “I love you more than anything, which is why I hate that you’re so fixed on this idea that you need to put yourself through all of this just to get something that you think you need, but really don’t!” Her long-winded sentence ended on an audible breath. Every spoken word lifted an emotional weight off her chest, yet without her own context, it merely offloaded more stress onto Emily. “Emily, all I mean is, I don’t care whether you’re an engineer or struggle to tie your own shoes. I’ve already decided that you’re the one I love and that I’m fully prepared to support you in every way imaginable. If getting a job is important to you, that’s fine and I will respect that, but I won’t respect you day-in and day-out stumbling over yourself for ungodly hours on end just to rush yourself into something that you have all the time in the world to figure out!” As Joyce left it with silence and she started to calm down, Emily aimed her gaze at the floor with a difficult expression. She had her hands at her sides, though fumbling with the edges of her apron while she tried to think of something to respond with. Joyce, however, was feeling quite good. She got to say what she wanted and it was what Emily wanted. It may have come off as a bit forceful, yet Joyce was glad to let it be known now. Really, all thanks to Emily and her words of wisdom… Joyce sighed, ready to chuckle as she tried to transition things again. Joyce looked over at Emily again with a cheery smile. “Huh, didn’t expect you to make use of my number so quickly?” Amy laughed over the phone, sounding as if she was preoccupied with something else. “What’s up?” There was a meager sigh from Joyce’s end of the line. “I think I messed up...” Joyce mulled with a hand underneath her chin. She rested her arm on the counter while she stirred what was in the pot on the stove. Emily was no longer in the kitchen, currently in the bathroom. Crying. “What? You messed up?” Amy said sarcastically. “What’d you do?” “I...told her about what we talked about this morning...” Joyce confessed. Thinking about it now, maybe her delivery was a bit off, too… “What? Joyce! What happened to the soft power plays, or whatever? Small delivery! Did you at least explain why you thought that way?” “So...sort of...” Joyce glanced to the side, as if avoiding eye-contact with the imaginary Amy in the room. “I tried to explain that I didn’t want her looking for a job… But she confronted me about that. I was trying to get her to cook with me!” “So then where is she now? She didn’t leave, did she?” “No, she’s in the bathroom right now...crying...” Joyce bit her tongue, feeling guilty. Apparently she was too hasty to have ended her speech on a smile. “And you decided to call me?” Amy asked in a tone pointed at curiosity. “Shouldn’t you be tending to her right now?” “I know, but I’m a little afraid that I’m going to say the wrong thing again...” Joyce hesitated with a soured expression from the thought alone. “And I know that I gave you my personal number to reach me better, but I think this is a time when you should be talking to Emily. You don’t need any advice. You already started explaining yourself, so give her the rest of it?” “I was already thinking of that…” Joyce said, standing up as her gaze turned back to the hall. “Guess I wanted a second opinion.” “I really am gonna start charging you two favors for this, you know?” Amy warned with a grin over the line. And before Joyce could even think of how to respond, she heard the bathroom door down the hall open. Shortly thereafter were the small footfalls of a teary Emily walking back into the kitchen. “I’ll call you back...” Joyce said, hanging up the phone. “I’m not mad at you...” Emily said, sniffling. “I was crying ‘cuz I was mad at myself...” “I didn’t explain myself very well,” Joyce said in the form of an apology as she walked over for a hug. “I just...you mean so much to me, Emily, and I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be like this.” “But what else am I supposed to do?” Emily rubbed her eye. “I can’t just sit around here all day, Joyce. It...it feels depressing. I...I barely do anything as it is!” It was already hard enough to stomach being barred from financial contribution, but from Emily’s perspective she felt lost. She didn’t have the same ideas as Joyce right now, hence why she felt such a burning need to strive for the one thing that she did think would solve her problem. “At least when I was working I got to feel like I was doing something…” “Emily...” Joyce was sympathetic. The more Emily elaborated, the more her hypothesis seemed to ring true. Emily was feeling strained. She felt limited, minimized and didn’t know how to cope. “I’ve hated this week.” Emily said resolutely. “I hate having to get up early to throw my resume at every single listing and never getting a response other than rejection. I hate losing my whole day to sitting in front of advertisements…! I hate when I get angry and snap at you…! I hate thinking that I need to find a job, but if I don’t it’s just gonna be more of what I did before! Nothing!” She sniffled as she was getting ready to sob. “I’m not mad at you, Joyce, I’m just upset because I thought I was doing the right thing! But I hate what I’m doing, and it doesn’t feel right, but I don’t wanna be a total freeloader! I...I’m just so stressed...” Emily ran her hands through her hair, flushing her face as her internal temperature began to climb. It’d only been stress and confusion since her indefinite “vacation” had begun. It’d been a bit nice having some time off at first, yet as the days went on it only seemed to show just how little she had going on outside of work. Of course there was Joyce, but what if she wasn’t around? Then what? Once she realized what little there was she had, her feelings had shifted from excitement to concern. It wasn’t about trying to fill her empty days with new things to do, but worrying about whether she was going to get her old routine back. “I...I thought getting another job would fix everything, but...” Emily paused to sniffle, “maybe you’re right.” It was an admission to something she rathered wouldn’t have been true. She still hopes now that it isn’t. In her eyes, maybe it was the daunting intimidation that came with having to explore and navigate a whole new kind of lifestyle. By now it was the definitive point for Emily that things had certainly changed since being with Joyce. For better, and for what felt like an excess of grayness. Maybe it was the spell Joyce had on her, she wasn’t sure, but she was willing to give in to her temptations at least this time. “Please help…!” Emily buried her face into Joyce. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Whenever it’s not you, it just sucks so much…!” Emily could feel Joyce’s hands gently wrap around her wrists as she eased them back down. Joyce seemed as if she’d just heard music to her ears. Her pleasure didn’t come from Emily’s guilt or sorrow, but from a gesture that invited her opinion. Her guidance. Her affection and love. Joyce wordlessly kissed her on the forehead before leaving the kitchen. Emily nearly thought to follow, but stood there awkwardly in the kitchen. After the sound of a door inside the apartment, Emily watched Joyce come back looking no different than from when she left. “Where...where’d you go--!” Emily just finished her question, but not with the rise in inflection as a silicone teat found its way between her lips. Instinctively her tongue brushed it as a familiar coating imparted a dash of its taste unto her taste buds. Bananas. Joyce had a smug look of content on her face as she gently pressed on the shield of Emily’s pacifier, making sure that it was all the way in. But her brief moment of victory subsided as her expression softened back into her hybrid form of Mommy and girlfriend. And with a final declaration before going back to making dinner, Joyce said, “Let’s try things my way for a little while.”

31 - Moment of Pause “Just...just don’t hit any bumps, okay?” Emily pleaded nervously, practically a bead of sweat rolling down the side of her head. She clutched her charge and held it close to her arms, fearing for its dear life. “If you act like that, it makes me want to tease you, you know?” Joyce grinned, leaning her foot just a little more in tune to the engine’s growing hum. “Stop! Stop!” Emily shouted, and her cries were answered as Joyce eased off the speed with an amused laugh. “Emily, it’s just a bottle, not a bomb?” Joyce giggled. “Yeah, but it’s an expensive one!” Emily worriedly said, looking down at the luxurious item. “You don’t even know how much it is?” Joyce said, keeping her eyes on the road. “Because you wouldn’t tell me!” She retorted with an annoyed attitude. The day Joyce came home with it Emily had asked what it was, and her answer being a “small” gift to Michael and his wife for having them over. Well, Emily knew it to be expensive because if it hadn’t been Joyce wouldn’t have minded telling her the amount. In other words, responses like, “Don’t worry about it,” or “Not that much,” equated to a digit followed by too many zeroes for Emily’s purse. “Does it bother you that much?” Joyce asked, though looking no less chipper. Frankly this felt like a wonderful serving of karma for Emily’s little stunt about the whole “cheating” scandal. It’d been almost a week and it still made Joyce furrow her brows, thinking how gullible she’d been… “Mm...well, I hope they like wine…” Emily pensively spoke, looking down on the bottle. A dark crimson encased in a tinted glass, sealed by a cork wrapped in twine, shrouded by a paper covering, added with a present bow to boot. Joyce stole her an urgent glance. “Well don’t say that now! That wasn’t cheap, you know!” “See!? I knew it!” Emily hadn’t skipped a beat in her persecution, followed by more laughter from Joyce. Naturally she’d done it to get a rise out of the frazzled girl, and it felt great. “You’re gonna need to calm down there, munchkin,” Joyce rhythmically ran her thumb across the steering wheel, “otherwise you’re gonna be too tired to socialize when we get there?” “Maybe all I need is some of this fifty-thousand fun juice.” Emily mused. “Okay, it wasn’t that expensive. Two digits less, please.” “You didn’t pack me a weird bathing suit, did you?” Emily asked as she turned her head to the large canvas bag they had in the backseat. “Cross my heart,” Joyce swore. Though, that wouldn’t be for forever… Sure, getting to see Emily in a bikini was exciting, but her other side wanted to see what kind of kiddush one-pieces she could get her into. Which begged a new question: does Amy do bathing suits too? “...No diapers either, right?” “Definitely not.” Joyce didn’t play with the phrasing much at all this time. It’d unfortunately become a sensitive issue in not the way she liked. “...And in regards to that, I was thinking we should finally talk about that. Either tonight or tomorrow… Is that alright?” And it had certainly been a week since the Zoo incident; the reason for their small get-together today and the tension that remained behind closed doors. “Mm.” Emily nodded with agreement. It had become more of an awkward thing the longer they stayed away from it. Once again, neither felt any kind of animosity to the other, yet felt a need to establish themselves clearly. What one would acknowledge though and the other would never say was Joyce’s need to be fitted with a kill switch or speed bump. Mommy Joyce, particularly. But no matter what, what both wanted more than anything was to go back to the way things had been and continue progressing as they were. Somehow they’d lost the reigns and given themselves a scare. “It’s kinda weird, though,” Emily passively spoke as she looked out the window, “I’ve never been outside the city here.” “Yeah?” Joyce in tune responded. “I think I have a couple times. I thought about getting a nice house out here for a short minute, but in the end, I would rather staying closer to the company, and financials aren’t too big of a factor...” “Speaking of which, are we almost there?” Emily muttered, leaning into the GPS on the console. “Our Estimated Arrival Time is approximately three minutes.” Emily repeated verbatim from the screen. “Roger that, navigator.” Joyce smirked. They were driving up a winding hill right now. It was an interesting neighborhood; suburbs that hadn’t prioritized the quantity in housing over quality. Decently sized and spacious properties. Probably a few degrees less than the market Joyce might start to consider, but nice nonetheless. Clearly Michael and his wife did well for themselves. “I was a little surprised to hear from Michael so soon,” Joyce said. “Yeah, me too,” Emily agreed, “but it’s probably better this way. Otherwise we’d probably forget about them?” Nothing against Michael and Jackie, but that’s how relationships went. Leave them idle and you start to drift elsewhere. “A very fair point, especially when your only connection is having given couple’s counselling to the other?” Joyce chuckled. “True...” Emily said, not so warm to reliving the experience. “It’ll be fun to get to know Michael a bit more, though. Him including his wife; I think he said she was back home from business?” “What if she turns out to be like your...business enemy or something?” Emily asked in a mostly not so serious tone. “Not gonna happen, don’t worry,” Joyce laughed. “I don’t really see my competitors as enemies. More along the lines of...potential business partners with similar interests.” Emily only stared at her, letting the description soak in. “You sound like the business enemy...” “Well, it’s all a matter of perspective.” Joyce curtly replied, leading to giggles from Emily. “Regardless of what she does for work, which is very much unlikely the same as mine, I promise to play nice!” Emily gave an accepting nod. “Mmph.” She approved, as if she were the new authority figure in their dynamic. “I’ve raised you well.” “Raised me? We’ll see who raises who when I toss you into their pool...” Joyce muttered with a sneaky grin. Though her playful tone shifted almost immediately. “Oh look! We’re already here.” She said as they rounded the final curb. Coming into view was a nicely sized two-story home, paired with a double garage and a large, green front lawn. A tall white fence ran along the perimeter of its backyard. “It seems kinda stereotypical? In a good way.” Emily remarked about the home. It looked nice, especially the bottom trim of rock and mortar along the base of the house. “Well, stereotypical for an above average middle class home, I guess.” Joyce agreed. Joyce pulled into the long driveway before killing the engine. Both got out, and Emily was closer to the path leading to the front porch, but she lingered by the vehicle, waiting for Joyce. With the mention of swimming, both Joyce and Emily opted for something more poolside, that being sandals, exposed shoulders, sunglasses and shorts. “Actually, I haven’t swam once since I came to this state,” Emily suddenly admitted. “Really?” Joyce was a little surprised. “Are you excited to get a chance to go back in a pool?” “Kinda...” Emily pivoted her sandal-clad foot off the ground with her toe, as if to vent her poorly hidden feelings. “...It’d be kinda nice...” “I’m glad to see you looking forward to something~!” Joyce commented with a kiss on her cheek. “W-well, you’re gonna swim too, right?” She asked. After all, it wouldn’t be cool unless the cool kids were doing it. “Who’s gonna lift you up when your feet don’t touch the bottom?” Joyce asked, though the joke became apparent faster than Joyce could keep a straight face. “Bleeeeh~” Emily replied, in the form of a wet, flapping tongue. Joyce slung the canvas bag over her shoulder and walked with Emily to the front door. They rang the bell and waited patiently. “She’s here! She’s here!” A faint voice came from inside the house. Joyce and Emily shared a look with each other, trying to discern it. Suddenly, Joyce was tapping Emily on the shoulder. “I’d hate to blow her cover, so try not to make it obvious, but...” Joyce pointed Emily’s gaze to a window accompanied by curtains, only one end looked moved to the side, as a tiny pair of eyes stared from within. As Emily leaned back to get a better look, the eyes vanished and the curtain fell back into place. “Whoa--what? Jackie! Slow down! You’re gonna make me trip and break something!” A familiar voice chastised from inside the home. Finally, they heard the knob turn and the door opened to Michael greeting them. “Hey you two! Emily, Joyce, glad you guys could make it!” “Thank you for having us,” Joyce thanked him, “Should we come in through the front or around the back…?” Michael waved the notion off. “Come on in, we can head into the backyard from inside.” He opened the additional glass door on top of the wooden one for them. “Pardon the diabolical Jackie Bomb that went off in the living room. Try not to look on the way by; it isn’t pretty...” And as the ashamed tour guide explained, they did pass by the entrance to the living room, which certainly did look...out of sorts. Toys were scattered everywhere, and so were some of the throw pillows kept on the couch. Emily could also hear some kind of cartoon coming from the tv. “Where is Jackie, by the way?” Emily asked. “We thought we heard her...and saw her.” She added the last point with a small laugh. “Well, I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal if we told her you two would be coming over the weekend for a small pool party, but apparently a week wasn’t enough to get it out of her system.” Michael sighed with a chuckle, reminiscing with questionable feelings. “Sorry in advance, Emily, but Jackie may be very well glued to you. We’ll keep her on a leash as best we can, though.” “No problem…?” Emily answered, wondering why she got the special warning. But giving it some more thought, maybe because she met Jackie first and had some one-on-one with her… “Joyce, sorry to say she seems to have a fixation on Emily. I’m sure she’ll be excited to see you again too, though?” Joyce played it off nicely, laughing as she said, “Don’t worry, I promise not to take offense!” In spite of her fondness of babying Emily, that didn’t extend to being a huge fan of kids. She’d never dislike a child without reason, including Jackie, but the thought of them didn’t put her over the moon. The closer they got to the kitchen, a conversation could be heard. “Jackie, you need to stop tugging on my pants!” A voice complained. “But…! Can you come with me?” Jackie could be heard begging. “I need to finish setting up the snacks, honey. You’re perfectly capable of saying ‘hi’ on your own. Go on now, shoo!” She chastised her playfully, chuckling as Jackie could be heard making a whining noise. And as Michael, Joyce and Emily entered the kitchen, it came to no one’s surprise when they saw the scene. Just as the voices and tone described, Jackie was clutching the woman’s pants, now hiding herself behind them with half an eye peeking at Emily and Joyce. “What are we gonna do with you, you little monkey?” The woman laughed. She looked up and turned to the three other adults. “Oh! You two must be Emily and Joyce! I’ve heard so much about...” She continued to smile at their entrance, though she looked at a loss for words once her eyes fell on Emily. Then after a confused pause, her expression lit up again.”Ah! I remember you!” She laughed to herself while the only other person in the room who could be capable of understanding was Emily. “Huh?” Michael looked between Emily and his wife, Joyce in a similar fashion. “Hon, you two know each other?” Apparently it got to the woman quite a bit, because she was wiping her eye. Emily stayed quiet though, suddenly feeling quite embarrassed. “We saw each other at a bar almost a week ago! We didn’t exactly end on good terms though...funny how things work out.” “G-good to see you again...” Emily felt sheepish, and quite regretful over the way she acted the first time. She really wasn’t counting on seeing her again. “I’m sorry about what I said--!” “Oh? That?” She waved her hand dismissively with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. You had your reasons,” she looked at Michael to give him the abbreviated version, “I chatted with her for a little bit and offered to pick up her tab, but I guess I must have sounded like a shady conman with some of my comments...” Now Joyce was starting to feel a bit more clued in, taking in the realization that this was the woman from the bar Emily went to… Red hair...nice figure...good looks...stable financial income? She was right about to give her a narrow gaze until her inner voice of reason walloped her brain. Idiot! She’s married! How is she going to steal Emily from you?! “So you two already met?” Michael asked Emily. “Sort of...” Emily said awkwardly, hoping dearly they wouldn’t have to go into any more detail about how bitchy she was being. She didn’t see much of a profiteer anymore, rather a cheery wife and mother. “We never exchanged names, though.” “It’s great to finally meet you, I’m Joyce.” Joyce was the first to extend her hand, “I had heard some pretty interesting things about that day!” Joyce laughed, though not even herself knew if it was truly genuine. “Sorry if you heard anything bad about me, I’m promise I’m not as bad as I might have seemed,” she returned the shake, “I’m Carol. And, I know you’ve already met her, but this is our little fireball, Jackie, who won’t seem to come out from behind my legs?” True to her word, the six year old remained terribly shy. She made a vocal pout as she stayed behind cover. Carol gave a loving sigh, leaning in to give an audible whisper. “Honestly, this little monster stretches my pants twice over every time she meets somebody new!” “Uh, it’s nice to meet you, Carol…” Emily spoke up as she came forward, “officially, this time.” Emily stuck out her hand. Carol smiled once more, returning her gesture. “Likewise, Emily.” Though, to Emily and Joyce’s surprise, she tugged on Emily’s hand, pulling her in for a brief hug. While Emily tried to comprehend what had happened, Carol let out another laugh as Joyce blinked. “Sorry, sorry!” Carol lamented, letting her go. “I figured there might have been some tension left over from our first, unofficial meeting. That, and I don’t want you to get the impression I’m all business.” “Uh...it’s alright,” Emily did her best to laugh it off. As Emily stood there between Carol and Joyce, her back to the latter, she could feel herself in the way of a targeted gaze. She turned her head, expecting to see some kind of fury, but instead it was a rosy smile from Joyce. Emily had an inkling of something in her mind however. She’s...jealous?! “Now, if my wonderful husband could do me the pleasure of removing this tiny terror from my legs, I’ll be almost done with our snacks!” And in turn, Michael managed to get ahold of Jackie as she squirmed in his arms, pouting the whole time. “Come on Jackie, don’t you want to say hi to Emily and Joyce again?” Michael sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You wouldn’t believe it,” Carol added as she spoke to them, “Jackie could not stop for a second about you!” She said to Emily. “The whole week it’s been about how much fun she wanted to have with you! Even when one of her friends came over she managed to infect them with curiosity, too. You’re like a mini celebrity to her.” She laughed, as Emily sort of did too. It was a bit odd to be obsessed over like that, but given it was through the scope of a child, it became more endearing than anything else… “Well, I thought knowing you’d be off the market, I was safe, but maybe I still need to be on the defensive?” Joyce countered with a small joke. Carol found it funny, but Emily wasn’t sure whether she trusted Joyce’s intentions. “That reminds me!” Emily finally spoke up. She held the bottle wrapped in a bow forward. “We wanted to get you two something for having us over...” “Really?” Carol gave a surprised look, but accepted the bottle while reading the front. “Really, you two didn’t have to do that... Oh, honey! Look! It’s a bottle from Carmine’s!” She looked back at Joyce and Emily. “We can’t take something like this - it must have cost you a small fortune!” “Please, we insist,” Joyce stayed her friendly self, “I’m a bit of a regular there anyways, so if you think about it, getting you a gift also puts me in good favor with the owner?” “Jeez,” Michael made an impressed whistle as he looked at the bottle’s date. “I don’t suppose we could trade the bottle for a reservation there instead? We tried for our last anniversary, but we weren’t expecting such a long backlog for reservations…” “I couldn’t find anyone in my circles close enough to get us in...” Carol sighed. “Well, next time you’ll have my number?” Joyce chimed in. “I’m sure I can figure something out for you down the line.” “Don’t joke,” Carol went back to a little more cutting and organizing on a large wooden platter, “we’ll actually take you up on that!” “I’m counting on it,” Joyce happily replied. She hoisted the canvas bag back over her shoulder. “I don’t want to move the party, but is there somewhere we could set our bag down? Emily and I haven’t changed into our bathing suits yet...” “Of course! If you go back down the hall, on your right you should see the opening to the bathroom. You two can change there. Michael and I need to do the same, actually, and so does Jackie.” She set her stuff down, walking to her husband and accepting Jackie into her arms. “Sorry folks, the diva’s feeling a bit shy at the moment...” She excused herself with her daughter in arms. Emily looked back at the platter. It looked divine. “Oh wow, an antipasto platter?” Joyce asked Michael, admiring the handiwork. “It all looks so good!” She commented. Closely packed and dressed in varied assortments of meats, cheeses, olives, crackers and more. “Well, especially now considering the gift you two just gave us, it’s the least we could do,” Michael said, seeming to revere their gesture much more than his own. “Either way, it all looks really good!” Emily finally commented. She tugged on Joyce’s hand, “Wanna go change now?” Joyce nodded. “Sounds like a plan, my little diva,” she grinned, leaving Emily puzzled over the verbiage as they walked to the bathroom. “Any complaints if we change at the same time?” Joyce asked right before closing the door. “Wait,” Emily’s complacent look dropped, “you mean...I’m gonna see you...naked?” Joyce furrowed her brow. “Well, yeah...you didn’t seem to mind before when I...” Then she saw the grin on Emily’s face. “You’ve been teasing me an awful lot, you know that?” Joyce tried to hide her smile as she already started to strip. “What can I say? Gotta make up for lost points. I feel...reinvigorated.” She spoke with a feigned distance in her star-struck eyes. “Hmm. Well, I’ll be needing to think about how I can knock you down a few pegs again...” She spoke deviously as she unhooked Emily’s bra, then turned for hers to be undone the same way. “And hey,” Emily stopped to look at Joyce in the eyes, “remember to play nice?” “I promise. I was just...getting the rest of it out of my system. Wouldn’t you be surprised if someone you felt threatened by hugged me the first time we met?” “So you do feel threatened by her!” Emily accused, trying to stifle a laugh. “She’s married, Joyce! To a guy!” “I know, I know! I was being...irrational.” She read her lines off the ceiling. “You know that about me already. She can’t surprise me anymore. Besides, she seems nice; I’d like to get to know her more.” Emily paused, as if to try and discern whether or not it was a lie. But it wasn’t, or either Emily could not discern well enough, because she let her off the hook. “I believe you. And another thing to remember,” Emily said, pressing her bare self against Joyce, “I only belong to you!” Joyce had raised her brows, but her look tempered into a tender smile, one Emily could feel with absolute certainty. “Yes you do,” she kissed her on the head, “And you’re the only one I take orders from.” She finally pulled out their bikinis. Understandably, Michael was the first one to be outside by the in-ground pool when Joyce and Emily came out. Joyce carried towels for both as they sat down in some chairs next to Michael surrounding a table. In its center was a long pole, and above that was an expanded umbrella to shield them from the bright sun from above. “Oh wow, I knew it was going to be a nice day, but the stars really did seem to align...” Joyce commented. “Right?” Michael agreed. “It feels like you can’t make weather-dependent kinds of plans, otherwise Murphy’s Law rears its head...” “Sorry we’re late!” Carol announced her arrival as she brought Jackie out in arms with her. Carol was in a two-piece as well, whereas Jackie was in a one-piece. Pink, polka dotted with mermaids patterned all over. Joyce fought hard not to sigh. Definitely need to get Emily something like that… “Jeez though, it’s been so long since I’ve even gone near a pool,” Emily briefly ranted, “I’m practically ready to be a mermaid if it means I can swim again!” Of all things to happen, no one expected it to be the turn of Jackie’s head, a wide, glowing smile. “You like mermaids too?” Emily suddenly paused with surprise. “Uhm, yeah! I like them a lot. Do you too?” “Yeah!” Jackie vigorously nodded. Taking advantage of the moment, Carol was able to let her go. She scurried over to the seat next to Emily, climbing in. “Do you like Ariel?” She eagerly asked. “O--...of course I do!” Emily said, suddenly nervous about how much her mythical sea life knowledge was about to be called into question. “She’s my favorite mermaid!” Though, she hadn’t a clue what other ones existed, if any… Jackie giggled, seeming overjoyed to hear this. “Me too! I like Ariel cuz she has hair like Mommy’s!” Hair like her mom’s? Like Carol’s? Oh, duh. Red. Emily made an agreeing noise. “That’s a good point. They both do look kinda similar...” Carol then came back out with the platter of delicious looking food. After another quick trip inside, she was coming back out with cups of ice water. Emily had been saved from her interrogation once Carol sat down in the chair Jackie was in, opting to keep her in her lap. “I would offer to try out that bottle you two brought, but for the sake of sensible thinking and safe decisions, maybe when we don’t need to worry about driving that night?” Carol smirked, leading to mutual agreement. “So Joyce, you’ve gotta be pulling our leg, right?” Michael asked as she grabbed a small ball of mozzarella. “You said you’re a regular at Carmine’s? We can’t even manage to go once!” “Mm, well...” Joyce paused to finish swallowing, “It started first as a business dinner, but I guess I had a chance meeting with the owner that night. I said I was a fan of the food so he insisted that I come again. So I did, talked a little more, and it wasn’t so hard after that getting to go again. Also, the food was good, so I may have invested a little...” Emily from the sidelines raised a brow. A little? “But, I guess I’m a regular for the owner. It’s a little embarrassing, but they sort of know my face there.” “If we do somehow manage to go, you’ll have to go with us,” Carol added, “you seem like you’d get the red carpet rolled out for you every time you go! And Emily needs to come too, of course!” “That definitely sounds like fun,” Joyce smiled. “Can I come too?” Jackie chipperly added. Joyce gave a difficult response, which was an awkward smile, unsure of how to phrase her response. It needn’t be said, but Carmine’s was closer to a business dinner establishment than a regular restaurant. Kids weren’t much of a thing there… “I don’t think you’d like it there anyways, Honey,” Michael jumped in. “No chicken fingers,” he said solemnly, to which incited a genuine frown from Jackie. She had lost interest entirely. “Mommy!” Jackie had already shifted her attention. “Can we go swimming?” “In a minute, honey,” Carol said as she pacified her with half a roll of sliced provolone and gave herself the rest. “Joyce, I’m sorry for putting the spotlight on you so much, but what do you do for work?” Joyce nodded as she chewed. “I run a medical company. Frontier?” Quietly, Emily gave her the side eye. Not only was this the first time she’d heard the exact truth herself, but someone she just met could get the answer out of her immediately? By now Emily had started to draw her conclusions, but it was still vexing in its own way… Michael lightly laughed as he took a sip of his water. “Stop joking - after that gift you gave, we really won’t know what you say is fact or fiction!” Joyce raised a brow, signaling her innocent confusion. “...You’re being serious?” Carol asked once more, and Joyce nodded. “I don’t want to make this all about me, but if you can’t take my word for it, you could always look me up...” The married couple quickly double backed though. “No, no! We believe you; we’d never call you a liar, it’s just...surprising,” Michael gave an astonished chuckle. “It’s kind of funny to think how one thing led to another. What were you two doing at the zoo?” “My parents were visiting for a few days and Emily and I came up with the zoo as a place for us to go.” Joyce explained. “Ah, that’s right!” Michael then remembered. “Emily mentioned something like that when we were talking.” He didn’t go into detail, which both Emily and Joyce appreciated. He had the politeness to not dig any further. As great as it was to meet him, their first introductions weren’t caused by anything good. “And Emily was fighting with Joyce!” Jackie suddenly said with an earnest tone, assuming her contribution to be helpful. “A-ahm…?” Joyce gave an embarrassed laugh, unsure of how to bridge off of that. Emily looked equally as stunned as well. “Jackie!” Carol admonished, “We don’t talk about things that aren’t our business to share.” “But I was there!” Jackie complained. “No ‘but’s,” Michael stepped in. Before Jackie could start to feel upset about being scolded, Emily hurriedly interjected. “It’s okay, really! It’s just a sort of...sensitive subject, that’s all.” “Sorry...” Jackie was the first to say, impressing her parents, even if she couldn’t look Emily in the eyes. “It’s alright.” Emily smiled. There wasn’t much point in being upset now. Not as if it could be taken back, and well...kids are kids. “Actually, come to think of it,” Michael pivoted, “Emily, I can’t remember. Did we ever talk about work? What kind of work are you in?” It was an odd instinct, but Emily’s surprise from the question left her looking at Carol for a split-second. “Me? I’m...in real estate.” Her answer was slow and to herself less than stellar. Still, Michael nodded. “That’s great. I mean, the market fluctuates, but there’s always gotta be some kind of property that needs moving, I guess? Are you someone that sells the houses?” He asked. “Not exactly...I was...” She was starting to feel a bit warm. Her own mind was talking her into this, yet she couldn’t shake the dreadful embarrassment in having to state that she was jobless. Regardless of the reason, what good did it look to declare yourself a jobless face living it up with a wealthy company head? “I do the office work.” Emily managed to speak, but didn’t find it hard to be brief. Uncomfortably so. Nevertheless, Michael eased the tension seemingly felt only by Emily as he nodded. “I can definitely relate to the office work. I do detailing work for an electrical company, but no matter the medium, there’s always the same middleman stuff we have to deal with...” He sighed right then, as if reliving the workdays that just transpired. “Meanwhile,” he looked at his wife with jealousy, “this one probably spends more time outside her own office than in it.” “You try driving and flying all over the place, five days a week, with weekends included.” Carol defensively said. “Well, now that we’ve all had a turn, what do you do, Carol?” Joyce asked, truthfully curious herself. “Me? I’m a bit more freeform, I guess, but I help invest in smaller and more...unorthodox establishments?” Naturally, the use of a big word garnered Jackie’s attention. “Mommy, what’s un...un-or-thoh-docks?” She asked. “It means not as common. You don’t see it often.” Carol answered, kissing her on the forehead. Joyce had asked and she wasn’t disappointed. Rather, spurred. “Really? Which kinds?” “Well...I’d be willing to discuss more, but...” And with her hand out of view from the small girl sitting in her lap, she quietly pointed at her. Joyce laughed, understandingly. “Actually, nevermind. Emily’s keeping me on a tight leash anyway; today is all play and no business, she said.” “Oh?” Carol’s tone rose in mischief. “I didn’t mean it like that…!” Emily made a small whine, giving Joyce the kind of look that felt quite cheated. And just as Joyce was thinking of another playful quip to say, Jackie had once more stolen the show. “Mommy…!” Jackie genuinely whined. “I wanna go swimming!” “Okay, okay,” Carol relented, lifting her out of her lap as she stood. As soon as she set her down, Jackie was already bolting for the shallow end of the pool, right until Michael called for her with a stern voice. “Jackie!” He said, freezing her in her tracks. “You know you’re not allowed in without your floaties?” And for Emily and Joyce, unbeknownst to Jackie’s personal stance on such a controversial matter, were quickly enlightened by the erupting whine from her mouth. “But Daddy…!” “Absolutely not, honey.” Carol affirmed the parental law. “Floaties first, then we can go swim.” “No!” Jackie shouted back, lightly stamping her foot. Carol set her hands on her hips. The visiting couple remained quiet, as was tradition for these kinds of things. It was always awkward having to watch a parent discipline their child right in front of guests. But before Carol could do any stern parenting, Michael elected the path of questioning. “Jackie, you’re always okay with wearing them; why not now?” Joyce much like Emily tried to mind their business despite sitting right next to it all, but she couldn’t help but make a discerning observation. The little girl, constantly as she maintained her objections, gave a not so subtle glance at she and Emily. “I...I’ma big girl!” Jackie said simply. “Yes, you are,” Carol agreed, “which is why big girls know to wear their floaties if they haven’t finished swimming lessons, yet.” “I don’t wanna!” Jackie pouted. “Then you don’t want to swim?” Carol countered. “No!” Jackie was already getting teary-eyed. “Then floaties it is.” Carol held her hand out. “Come on, we’ll go get your favorite pair.” The little girl sniffled as she took her mother’s hand and they started walking to the sliding doors. “Uhm...Carol?” Everyone turned their heads, well except for a bashful Jackie, to Emily. “If it’s okay...maybe I could use a pair, too?” Emily awkwardly chuckled. “After all, it’s been a while since I last swam...I might be out of practice?” Everyone seemed to be surprised, yet the constant outlier seemed to be quite curious. “Do you need floaties too?” Jackie asked Emily, turning her head. “W-well...” Emily looked yet again on the spot. “I guess it’s better safe than sorry?” “Emily, are you sure?” Carol asked, looking terribly apologetic. Above Jackie’s head all the adults could see her intent clear as day. “You really don’t need to...” “No! Honestly, I better play it safe. Don’t wanna drown in somebody’s pool, after all.” Emily breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief, stealing a grin at Jackie, infected by the look and mumbled a giggle. “Hmm...you make a good point, Emily,” Joyce spoke up next. “Mm...Carol? Actually, could you bring me a pair too, if you have them? I think I might have gotten a bit rusty as well.” Emily gave Joyce a brief look, who smiled. Carol seemed to have been caught off guard not once, but now twice. Michael seemed surprised as well. “...Alrighty, then.” Carol nodded. “Three pairs of floaties.” Then she looked down at Jackie. “See? Emily and Joyce don’t mind wearing them, why do you?” “No! No! I’ll wear them!” Jackie kept tugging on Carol’s hand, her attitude pulling a complete 180. They watched the mother and daughter go inside before turning back to themselves amongst the trio. “Thank you, you two.” Michael appreciatively smiled. “Even though she’s just a kid, Jackie can be self-conscious around others, especially people she wants to impress.” Michael said, especially looking at Emily. “Well...it’s only a pair of floaties,” Emily shrugged. “I can swallow that kinda pill if it makes her feel more comfortable.” Really, the thought only barely crossed her mind before she was already putting it into action. Granted, opting in for a kiddie look probably didn’t do great things for her “Adult Image”. A pair of lips kissed Emily’s temple. “What was that for?” “Nothing. Just proud of you.” Joyce grinned. And so it wasn’t much later on until Two women and one small girl were all donning inflatable floats wrapped around their arms. “They’re...snug...” Joyce said, looking at her arms. They didn’t fully reach her biceps and sat just above her elbows, seeing as they were kid-sized. Carol paused for a breath, who was currently breathing air into Jackie’s which did fit her as intended. What seemed to matter the most was that her smile was from ear to ear. “Don’t worry, my husband’s a great swimmer if you start to drown!” Carol joked. Joyce smiled back before saying to Michael, “Counting on you!” to which he gave a playful nod. “Jackie, stop fidgeting, you little rascal,” Carol said, finding her mouth being dragged every which way as the little girl couldn’t stop hopping around. She marveled at all the grown-ups taking after her. And how couldn’t she? She felt part of something now. “It almost feels like getting my blood pressure taken...” Emily commented on her own set, decorated in mermaid prints. Jackie had insisted Emily get her favorite pair. Which is funny to think about, that Jackie could have a favorite among things she seemed to hate… “At least yours fit pretty well,” Joyce observed, giving Emily’s a little tug. Unlike Joyce, Emily’s arms were just small enough to slide them up into place with a little finagling. Would it actually save her from drowning? Doubtful. But, would it keep her fashionable? ...Also doubtful. Emily stepped over to the edge of the pool, sticking just a toe in the water. And to her pleasant surprise, it was quite warm. “Is this pool heated?” Emily asked Michael. He nodded. “To quote my wife, ‘I wouldn’t be caught dead swimming otherwise’.” “I don’t think I’ve ever been to a heated swimming pool before...” Emily touched the water again in awe. “Okay, honey, all set.” Carol sufficed, giving her daughter a pat on the back. All four girls looked at the water. Carol said to Michael, “Coming in?” “Maybe in a minute,” he paused to eat a piece of cheese from the board. “Gotta make up for everybody’s share!” And in a sudden moment Emily saw the world around her turn sideways as she felt a moment of trance. It was a princess carry like the many she’d found herself in before. And there she was, in Joyce’s arms. Staring up at her with a blush, especially admiring her figure in her bikini. This all happened in the span of a couple seconds, and Emily blushed, flustered that she’d be making such a bold and romantic advance right now… “J-Joyce! Really? Righ--” But it was Joyce’s devilish smile that betrayed the fantasy. “Emily’s first!” And for just a moment, Emily had flown. She soared wonderfully high. High enough to wail from the bottom of her lungs to the top, enough to feel her heart drop for just a moment as gravity pulled her right back down. Then, wonder and amazement quickly swam away as the girl cannonballed into the water. Underneath the water everything was muted above, but Emily scrambled with waving arms and kicking feet as she swam to the surface. All she could hear were Jackie’s eager giggles and laughs. “Do me! Me next!” Jackie begged, hopping from toe to toe in front of Joyce. Joyce though gave her a confused look. “Do what?” “That!” She excitedly shouted, pointing at Emily. “That where?” Joyce turned her head, obviously playing dumb. “Like Emily! Over there!” She fully turned this time to point. And now with Joyce in her blind spot, the squeal of a six year old became the new tune as Joyce whisked her in the air and dropped her in the pool, aiming for the shallow end this time. The girl immediately bobbed to the top, courtesy of her floaties, and the rush of excitement already had her begging for more. “Is it warm?” Joyce asked. Emily could only stare with a fire in her eyes. “Hey Em, catch!” Michael shouted from behind. Emily turned in the water at the perfect time for a splash from something hitting the water to hit her face. A worthy cost though for what she had received. “Hm? What did you toss in?” Joyce asked Michael as he walked back from the small shed to his seat. “You’ll see!” But she didn’t see. Not until she felt it first. A sudden gush of water shot like a weaponized faucet at Joyce, starting at her midsection before traveling up to her chest and part of her face. Now Joyce was shouting in protest, shielding herself with a hand. Emily couldn’t stop laughing, now a super soaker in arms. Carol looked to be in love with the spectator’s seat right then, quietly stepping into the shallow end of her own accord. Joyce though put a hand on her hip, assessing the challenge before her. Not a moment more passed until she came diving into the water. A war had begun. “C-c-can we g-g-g-go back in th-the water?” Emily pleaded with chattering teeth, wrapped in a towel standing beside the outdoor table. “Unfortunately, the one drawback to having the heated pool,” Carol agreed with her own slight shivers. “BrrrRRRrrrrRRRrrr!” Jackie exclaimed with giggles, flapping her lips. Next, she started to open and close her mouth in exaggerated motions as she bared her teeth. “Look!” She excitedly grabbed Emily’s attention. “I can do it too!” She kept opening and closing her mouth, making sure to touch her teeth together each time. “D-do what?” Emily asked, looking puzzled. Michael chuckled, hoisting Jackie into the air from behind. “She means being a goofball. Looks like this little sea monster’s all pruned!” He said before playfully grabbing her hand, touching all her small, wrinkly fingers. Still, Emily moved over to Joyce to complain. “Why didn’t we bring those big towels?” She whined. “The ones that are big on me?” Joyce, who was getting the last few strands of wet hair away from her face, gave her an amused smile. “Duly noted, but those are our bathroom towels?” She reminded in a way to insinuate that the laws of the land did not permit such things. “Maybe they make those cape towels with the hoods for adults, too…?” And in that moment, before Emily even thought to oppose such childish things, her mind immediately leaned on the convenience of it. “Oh! Maybe we could ask Amy?” Joyce suggested. And this time, it wasn’t her putting on airs to get a rise out of Emily. “I just need to bring two towels next time...” Emily left it at that. “But until then, somebody needs to make like...an air heater or something. If they can heat a pool, they should heat all the outside stuff around it.” Every adult except for Emily within earshot - so all of them, raised an eyebrow. “Like a...heater?” Michael asked with a small laugh. Emily’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Like that! Only...” She paused to realize what she was saying. “...Nevermind.” With another laugh out of the way at Emily’s expense, a new topic came up. “Oh, are you planning to have lunch with us?” Michael asked the two. “I know I didn’t give much info over the phone, but that’s what we were planning for.” “As long as we aren’t cutting into your time elsewhere,” Carol added. “Stay!” Jackie commanded, yet in truth disguised by her childlike tact, begged. “Please! Please!” Emily and Joyce shared a brief “why not?” kind of look before mutually nodding. “I don’t see why we wouldn’t?” Joyce decided. It was a resounding joy from the family of three, some more vocal than others (Jackie). “I think I’ll take me and Jackie in first, then,” Michael said standing from his chair. “Less hair on our heads to deal with. Have fun, ladies!” He bid them a temporary farewell as he ushered Jackie along and back into the house. Carol watched them leave with a smile before looking back at them. “Thank you, you two, for playing along with Jackie like that.” Emily smiled and waved it off. “Michael said the same thing; I don’t really mind.” “We don’t really mind?” Joyce butted in with a grin, making Emily feel apologetic. “Sorry...forgot.” Her sheepish attitude naturally gave the other two giggles as they sat down in the chairs while wrapped in towels. “Carol, I hate to admit it, but it’s been eating away at me…” Joyce looked at her with tingles of interest. “What kinds of businesses were you talking about?” Carol nodded, but glanced at Emily for just a second. “Joyce, I don’t mind talking about it, but awfully bold of you when Emily has you on a leash, remember?” Joyce gave Emily what could only be akin to her own version of puppy dog eyes. With an upturned nose and an exaggerated ‘hmmf’, Emily turned her head. “Do as you please! I tried!” With her liability out the window, a corporate war spawning in the simple backyard of a suburban home was no longer her fault. She tried. With her daydreams out of the way though, Emily listened on with a bit of her own curiosity. “Now I feel a bit on the spot...” Carol pretended a nervous laugh. “But, really, it’s nothing as crazy as you think. I’m not some kingpin with a monopoly on the underground drug trade, or anything!” Emily and Joyce laughed, although inside Emily’s mind, a small voice seemed to tell her that the depths of business had no end in sight… “Like I said earlier, I tend to help build up...niche businesses in...niche markets.” Carol explained, albeit cryptically. Emily looked a little shocked before muttering, “D...drugs?” “No! Absolutely not!” Carol dismissed it entirely as Joyce was in stitches and Emily with reddened cheeks. She sighed before her smile came back in full. “Niche doesn’t mean illegal, you know!” She laughed herself despite the push-back. “To be honest, it sort of feels weird to talk about it with anyone outside the business, I suppose...” She pondered her own words for a minute. “Even to my own husband, he finds it strange, understandably.” “Well?” Joyce edged her along. “You’ve definitely built up the suspense now if you hadn’t already?” Carol briefly smirked, yet sighed as she opened it with a preliminary question. “Well...I guess for starters… Do either of you know what a...erm...fetish is? Like a kink or something?” Had the spectral plane been visible, an arching, static shock would have flashed the mother’s eyes as it sprouted between the two heads before her. Emily and Joyce almost simultaneously felt an odd jolt, as if they’d just seen an old friend from an old life suddenly trying to integrate with the new. In other words, it was a sudden sense of discomfort. “Mm...I think I have an idea?” Joyce gave her head the slightest tilt, opting for the sweet, plain vanilla, ignorant role. “I’ve heard of it before...” Emily muttered, “...I think?” Yet in truth, if there had ever been a pep talk to be had before situations like these, bless Emily, but Joyce would ask her to simply say nothing at all. Emily trying to lie about anything even remotely close to her interests, meaning sensitive emotions were involved, was nothing short of wishful thinking. But maybe Joyce was being too over analytical because Carol didn’t comment on it. “Well, I don’t want to go into much detail, for...reasons, but the gist is basically a specific theme, practice, idea - virtually anything, to be honest, that people might take to in a sexual sense.” “Like...roleplay?” Joyce suggested, once more playing the innocent facade. Carol nodded. “That’s an example of it. I’ve heard it can even be on the tamer side… But I’m getting off track. From a business perspective, market potential within any group of consumers is almost always going to be less than the actual size, and the same thing applies to these groups of people tending to their...respective kinks.” Joyce nodded, but Emily only blinked with a neutral look. It was almost surreal for the girl right then, imagining a conversation that involved Joyce, business, and diapers, quite easily two of her favorite things. But in the same sentence? Saying that Carol was talking about diapers definitely was a stretch, but didn’t it fall into that category of kinkdom? It could, but the more Emily thought, maybe not for them…? Meanwhile, in Joyce’s head she was experiencing something a tad bit different. Business and kinks; broad topics she wouldn’t mind peering into. That being said, what she and Emily had...she didn’t see it that way. It wasn’t a momentary pause for her to get her rocks off; Emily either. Joyce didn’t baby Emily for sexual pleasure. No, the much more adult side of things came from their relationship as adults. What they did as a mommy and daughter remained much more pure. Well...remembering their first “trial” night with Emily in diapers nearly made Joyce visibly frown. Unfortunately she crossed a line, trying to “rub” the pleasure into Emily via a wet diaper. Never again… “...And so,” Carol tuned back into their ears, “It works out that supporting many smaller...niche businesses, turns a good living. But, if anyone asks, I’m just a general investor.” She finished with a motion to lock her lips. “...You mentioned roleplay being a kind of kink,” Joyce said, “but what other kinds have you seen in your work?” “Well...” A breath of air escaped Carol’s lips as she thought. “One place was a ‘costume’ shop,” she said in air quotes. “Don’t get me wrong, it was -- high quality costumes, even, with...props. But meant for bedroom play, I guess.” Joyce nodded thoughtfully, though with a look that expected more. “Have either of you heard of something called B-D-S-M?” Carol asked. Emily was the first to nod, but Joyce came a bit slower. “See? Then you already know one kind of kink,” Carol chuckled. “But anyway, it’s of course something couples tend to do in the bedroom and at home, but there are gathering spots for stuff like that. These kinds of places charge you maybe a flat fee or an hourly rate to have access to their themed rooms, props and toys. They have a very...straightforward kind of name? Dungeons.” All things considered the specifics were spared, though even at the level they were Emily wasn’t entirely vocal about what she thought. Only to Joyce had she even mentioned a word about their own kind of play, yet now she was seeing it to the same degree, only in a business sense with a woman she’d just officially met. “Dungeons?” Joyce raised a brow. “I guess that matches the fantasy theme?” Carol’s eyes lit up as she drank from her glass. “Good point! Never thought of that! Oh! And another one -- it didn’t pan out, but there was this store having to do with giant animal costumes and fur...” It was an example that truly rang no bells for either Emily or Joyce, hence their confused look. “But I think you two get the point,” Carol transitioned with a wave of her own clouded mind. “Well, if I ever think of sprouting my own business like that, I’ll know who to call?” Joyce grinned. “Please, give me a call and every cent I can invest is yours!” Carol begged with a laugh. “Frankly I wouldn’t want myself at the head of that kind of operation,” Joyce spoke reflexively. “It goes without saying since I’ve said it once, but all that kind of stuff is beyond my scope of knowledge...” “But what it sounds like is investing yourself wouldn’t be off the table?” Joyce shrugged in defense of her opportunistic nature. “What can I say? If it looks promising...” “If you’d like, I’m attending a dinner party a few weeks from now? If you really are serious, I can put you through to some serious business opportunities?” “Oh? They just let anyone come? Especially for such...private stuff like that?” Joyce asked skeptically. “No, they don’t,” Carol said, “which is interesting in a way, considering vetting your investor pool is like shooting yourself in the foot... But it leads to a healthier relationship, knowing that there’s some mutual understanding to begin with. Either way, my word should go far enough to vouch for you.” “So it’s settled, then?” Joyce had a slightly giddy look, to which Emily rolled her eyes at. “Oh? Trouble in paradise?” Carol grinned with her eyes on Emily. “What?” Joyce whined at Emily defensively, to which she sighed. “When I said no business talks in the car, I was mostly kidding, but I didn’t actually expect you to do business while we were here!” “Uh-oh, somebody’s in trouble!” Carol laughed. “It would appear so...” Joyce agreed. “How about we exchange numbers before we leave after lunch?” “Sounds like a plan.” Carol nodded. Joyce looked back at Emily who was quiet, yet obstinate. “What?” Joyce exaggerated. “Not happy with that?” “Outta sight, outta mind...” Emily relented with her own smile. “No! They can sleep over!” Jackie begged as she continued to tug on Carol’s pants. Michael and Carol were seeing Emily and Joyce off at the door, but their time spent at the residence was the perfect amount for the once shy little girl to finally warm up to her guests. Emily tried to be the gentle voice of reason. “Jackie, as much as we’d like, we didn’t bring any PJs?” “I have some!” Jackie was quick on the rebound with hope in her eyes. Emily had tried, and her mouth hung slightly agape, finding her own response just as obvious...yet hard to place. Michael and Carol naturally stood above their daughter, smirking as their daughter tried to fight for the impossible. “Goes to show how much Jackie sees you two as friends more than just grown-ups.” Carol laughed. “Jackie, I don’t think they’ll fit in your PJs, sweetheart...” Michael said to her. “They can use Mommy’s!” Jackie then shifted tactics. “Joyce’d probably be fine...” Carol quietly remarked, though her words had been all used up once the unspoken said quite the opposite about the smaller Emily. “Not the point, though! Jackie, Emily and Joyce have their own home to get back to. We’ll see them again.” “Soon?” Jackie dearly asked. “Soon.” Joyce answered for Carol. “When?” Certainly, this girl did not seem to skip a single beat. “Alright,” Michael cut in, hoisting Jackie into the air. “Enough twenty questions out of you, missy.” “But I wanna know~uh!” Jackie whined in an exaggerated tone. “And you will once that information is declassified, private.” Michael asserted in a general’s tone. “What’s dee-classih-fide?” “I’m afraid that’s classified.” And then the frustrated giggles ensued, seeming to shift Jackie’s focus away. Carol came to their rescue, seeing them out the front door while Michael had Jackie in arms. “Bye Michael, bye Jackie!” Emily waved, and so did Joyce. “Thanks again for having us,” Emily said to Carol as they walked down the steps and over to the car. “Don’t even mention it. In all honest truth, it was mostly our daughter that kept a fire lit under Michael all week, so I’ve heard. She would not stop talking about you, Emily!” She laughed. “To be honest, I didn’t really know what to expect meeting you two, but I’m really glad for us to have met.” “Michael and I had talked about meeting again, but I guess it was sort of half-hearted at first?” Joyce similarly agreed, feeling less shy about admitting her reservations now. “Same here though, I’m glad this worked out.” “Glad you got business...” Emily murmured from the corner of her mouth. Joyce with a rosy smile gave a little giggle as she continued to face Carol. “Jackie’s such a nice kid. I’ve seen too many that have no real discipline... And speaking of which, I need to go give some to Emily after all these snide comments she’s been making to me today?” “Hah?! What?” Emily stammered. “Honestly, you two can’t catch a break, can ya?” Carol cracked up. “Anyway, Joyce, we’ll be in touch. Emily, lovely meeting you the proper way this time! Hope to see you both again soon! I better get back inside before Jackie can wriggle her way back outside. Drive home safe, you two!” And with Carol seeing them off from the steps as they pulled away, the get-together was over. “That was fun,” Joyce was the first to say. “Would it have been fun if you didn’t get invited to an investor’s dinner?” Emily cracked. “Of course it would have.” Joyce answered plainly. Then, after some pause, “Just...without some glow to it...” “Uh-huh?” Emily giggled before her tone made a slight shift. “More importantly though, I can’t believe what kind of work Carol does...I sorta got the chills when it hit so close to home...” “You too?” Joyce chuckled. “Gosh, it’s somewhat of a joke, but it seems like even when we take every kind of precaution, that kind of stuff always seems to find its way back to us...” “Haunting of the babydom...” Emily sighed, already with an imaginative name in mind. “And hang on, that investor thing Carol invited you to, are you really gonna go?” “I don’t see why not? Maybe I’ll find something I find interesting.” She wasn’t well-versed in kinks, and especially not when it came to business. “Yeah but it’s all kink stuff… All I mean is that you tend to mention about keeping the really sensitive stuff private and separated from your career. Wouldn’t it be bad for your reputation if someone recognized you there?” In a world where Emily had no shame, the only thing stopping Joyce from giving Emily a leisurely diaper change wherever they may be in public was guarding her own business image… And Emily’s own embarrassment, of course... Joyce nodded thoughtfully. “It could certainly cause issues, but being called out as an investor for that type of thing wouldn’t necessarily be damaging. Slightly surprising, at best. I thought about it a little more, but it’s a good thing that they vet their investors for these kinds of things. Not only does it keep interests at heart, but it does add a layer of privacy to it.” “As long as you’re okay with it.” Emily said back, holding Joyce’s wellbeing above all else. From the driver’s seat she smiled and with a free hand squeezed Emily’s thigh. “Thank you for worrying about me!” Emily puffed her cheeks with a slight blush as she turned her gaze to the passenger window. “Well...you’d do the same for me...” “Absolutely. No matter what.” Both sat on either end of the corner to the couch in the living room, sharing in the silence, save for the faint noises from the city streets far below. Joyce and Emily seemed pensive as they sat there, somewhat formal and struggling to figure out what they wanted to say. “I figured this’d be a good time as any to set us back on track...” Joyce said. “Mm.” Emily nodded. “Emily, I--” “Wait!” She blurted out, cutting Joyce off. “I...I wanna make it very clear before we talk about this stuff. I know you’re a lot more worried about how we do this now...and you being my mommy… But, I said it before: whenever I was being your baby, I never had any real issues with it. Nothing I wanted to address. What I wanted to make clear was when we weren’t in that headspace, sometimes it’d feel like it bleeds over. So, I don’t wanna put any limits on what we do when we’re intending to do it. Just...outside of that space.” Joyce held a look of silence and surprise, taking it all in, right until she burst. “Hah...thank goodness.” She sighed with relief before collapsing somewhat into the couch. “I said so before, didn’t I?” Emily reminded, scooching a little closer across the couch. “You did, but...I dunno, part of me still thought we might have to reshape what we intended to have. But no,” she sat back up straight, looking more serious. “I completely agree with you. I don’t want you taking any responsibility for this; it’s my fault for being too...motherly when I’m not being a mother, but a girlfriend.” “However,” Emily raised an important finger into the air. “Let it not be confused with being cutesy,” she explained in a professional, exaggerated manner. “The defendant is more than allowed to continue that.” Joyce couldn’t stop laughing. “Duly noted! No more jokes right now though, I want to treat this seriously. It’s important to me that we both feel like we’re respecting each other's boundaries. Emily, at the end of the day you are my number one priority, so what you say goes. I promise to do better when we’re both acting like adults, but I don’t want you to hesitate in calling me out when I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.” “Just call you right out?” Emily asked. “Yes. I don’t want to put you in an awkward spot.” “But...I guess I was thinking about that too. I guess you could call it a safeword, maybe...” A safe word, meant to be the hard stop or red switch that’d cease any type of kink play. “You want a safeword?” Joyce asked, neutral in tone, but truthfully with her own sort of reservations. In her mind that kind of association almost immediately tainted what they had. In any other case it made perfect sense and she saw no harm, rather, encouraged it. That was for kinks and fetish play though. Was that what Emily saw this as…? “Sort of...” Emily answered. “But not for when we’re a mommy and baby!” She quickly corrected herself, remembering just what they had meant to Joyce. “If there was ever a problem then, we can just talk to each other in the moment… I mean a safeword for when we’re in public, when we are just Emily and Joyce. Maybe a discreet way of letting you know that you’re doing something that bothers me…or when I’m bothering you. “So a safeword...for when we’re both adults?” Joyce clarified, a bit confused, seeing that to be the exact opposite scenario where you’d want to have a hard-stop like that... In any other traditional sense, wouldn’t the safeword be in the private sector and the casual talks in the public one? Joyce tried not to crack a grin. It was only Emily that could come up with something as out of the box as this...But as odd as it was, maybe their unique relationship thus far is what seemed to make it click for Joyce. “What do you think?” Emily then asked, looking self-conscious. “I guess I kind of agree that I don’t readily like a safeword either, especially when you’re my mommy...it makes it feel like it’s something less than real...and I don’t want that.” “I think that’s a good idea,” Joyce smiled. “It gives me a safe reminder and it doesn’t affect what we already do.” It was then a moment of mutual relief. Both had been dreading the “talk” up until now, but like most suspenseful moments, it overshadowed the reality completely. Now in place of that inhibiting and awkward knot that had seemed to bog them down since Mary and Frank’s visit, was a feeling of liberation. Everything was right again, and maybe after such trials and tribulations they were stronger because of it. Emily couldn’t hide her excited smile. “...Mm...but...” Joyce started with a difficult expression, to which already rained on Emily’s parade. “Huh? What is it?” She asked. “Well, I know what we both want, and we’re definitely on the same page...but, I guess I just want some extra clarification as to what you want.” “What I want?” Emily mimicked. “I want the usual stuff...what you want.” Joyce furrowed her brow, tutting like a detective without all the clues. “Yes, and I completely understand that. I suppose I just need something verbatim. I want to hear clearly what you want, Emily.” And for a moment the corners of her mouth perked up, immediately confirming Emily’s suspicions. “D-directly?” Emily stuttered slightly, suddenly feeling much less forthcoming about her desires. Already she was in Joyce’s trap. Joyce’s expression lit up, making approving noises as she nodded her head attentively. “Yes! Just let me know what you want, and that’s what we’ll do.” Emily narrowed her gaze, thinking before she answered. “...I want what you want...” Joyce chuckled, in the sort of way that Emily could tell was partly forced, but also spurred by amusement. “I know you do, silly! But, I need something a bit more specific to go off of? After all, I want a lot of things?” She didn’t bother hiding her grin this time. Now things were starting to feel familiar, namely because of how hot Emily’s cheeks were feeling. “F-fine...” She paused for a deep breath. “I-I...I want you to...” She murmured something intelligible at the end. “Hm?” Joyce leaned in. “I didn’t quite hear that last part… Could you please repeat that for me?” “I said I want you to ba…--...me...” “Emily,” Joyce attentively said in a soft, yet authoritative voice, “louder, sweetheart.” “I said I want you to baby me!” Emily finally shouted back. “Ohh, I thought that might’ve been it!” Joyce planted a fist in her palm as if the lightbulb only shined just then. “Of course I’ll baby you, silly!” Joyce feigned another laugh whilst Emily looked to be just as flustered as always. Emily was simply glad to have gotten through the spectacle. Once again, a hard lesson learned when it came to thinking she could tease Joyce and get away with it unscathed. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. Balance was restored, at least… Then, Joyce rose a finger to her chin, humming a thought. “Mm...but...” But? Emily felt a brief moment of fear, surprised by the continuation. “Maybe I’m being the silly one!” Joyce laughed. “I think I may have forgotten what you like about me babying you...” She put her hands together as if making a request of Emily. “Could you possibly remind me some more?” Emily’s eye nearly twitched. This woman didn’t want equilibrium, she wanted domination. “I like it when...you call me by my nickname...” “Your nickname?” “E-Emmy...” “Emmy! Of course!” Again, Joyce pretended to have a revelation. “Such a cute name for such a cute girl! And? What else?” What else? Emily internally groaned. Was she really going to put her through this? “When you make me my special drink...” “Uh-huh! Served up safe and secure in your ba-ba~! Anything else?” “When I get to wear cute clothes...” “Anything you wear is cute!” Joyce chuckled. “But I get what you mean.” She still gave the look that expected Emily to continue. “When I get big stuffed animals...” “Mhm?” “When I get my own special seat...” “Your high-chair?” She smiled. “When you force me to take naps, even when I don’t wanna.” “Otherwise you’ll get cranky.” Joyce passively commented. “When you give me baths.” “Cleanliness is prettiness!” “And...when I call you Mommy!” Emily said with a sudden outburst, catching Joyce a bit off guard. Though, Joyce quickly softened into a warm smile. “An absolute given and inalienable rule.” Joyce smiled wide. “Now come on, what’s the last one?” Emily’s bravado was gone hearing that. Somehow, she knew that Joyce knew, or it meant that they were thinking of the same thing. “And I like...” “Like...what?” Joyce asked. “...Diapers...” “Diapers?” “I like wearing diapers!” Emily said. “When you check and change me...” She was feeling lightheaded. In an aggravated tone she said, “I’m sorry for teasing you! Is that everything you wanted to hear?!” Joyce scooched even closer, pulling her into a hug as she giggled. “Everything and more!”