What is your least favorite part of this lifestyle, even if you’re generally satisfied with your decision?

[Enthusi]

Does anyone else get the sense that it’s hard to convey nuanced views on here?  For example, venting about the hassles of being incontinent, without it being misinterpreted as a statement of regret, or a warning?   To be fair, I don’t think there’s anything particularly alarming with this fine community, but rather it’s due to limitations of social media   

My goal for this thread is to create a safe space where it’s okay to share things that bother, worry, or vex you, even if you are otherwise happy with your lifestyle decision.    Also feel free to reply if you’re bothered by the same thing, or pro tips.   Also, let’s all acknowledge that this isn’t medical advice, and to see a medical specialist if there are concerns about your health. 

I will go first: 
Even though I made the right decision to untrain myself,  there are times when life would be so much easier, such as traveling, if I didn’t have to worry about having spare diapers on hand at all times.  

[Little Sherri]

I did this to myself, I will happily state upfront, and so far, I am pretty secure in my decision, and would not go back, but, that said, I think it's fair to be able to discuss some of the downsides to living a diapered life, openly. I share this, not looking for someone else to solve my problems, but just because we are a community, and we come together to discuss some unconventional stuff around here. And maybe, just slightly, as a caveat to anyone who thinks that this path is all tummy tickles and the smell of baby powder. 

I would say that I concur with @Enthusithat the logistics of travelling when you have to bring or source a supply of disposable underpants (or make arrangements to deal with reusable ones), can be a definite inconvenience. It depends on the circumstances, of course. Curating a stack of diapers that can get me through a weekend away with my wife can be fun, but trying to figure out how to manage it for three weeks overseas is notably more stressful. Also, travelling with friends or other people whom you ideally don't want to be "in the know", adds a layer of planning and concern. And, don't forget that disposal has to be planned and considered, as much as supply - will the trash cans in the hotel rooms conceal an adult diaper? What do you do with bulky, secret garbage, when you're spending a week at your buddy's cottage? Leave it to ferment in the car? 

Second to the above would be the bane of everyone in diapers, everywhere, be they 60 days old, or 60 years... leaks. I've become a skilled diaper pilot over the last 5 years; I know my chosen products well, I know how they work, how they fail, where and when I can push them, and when not to. But, it is impossible to account for all product variances and all waring circumstances, so, leaks happen. Sometimes, they can amount to a minor inconvenience or a humourous anecdote, but sometimes, a leak can leave you in a real pickle. I've deliberately dumped a beer on my lap to cover up a diaper failure. I've yet to experienced a catastrophic public wardrobe malfunction, but, I know that it could happen, and I'd have to deal with that. 

Third would be... keeping it a secret. That buddy's cottage I mentioned before? What if there is no good solution at hand? You can't throw them in the lake, you can't bury them in the woods (they have a dog), you can't just anonymously throw a big wet diaper into the kitchen or bathroom garbage, so... do you, A) risk unplanned exposure, or, B), head off that possibility by coming clean and politely asking what you should do regarding your disposable underpants? Or, you think that your security protocols are second to none, but... a wardrobe slip, a leak, an unplanned visit from EMS or the Fire Department, that water heater breakdown, the kids are searching for their Christmas presents, your mother-in-law is searching for better place mats, someone suspects that their missing earring is in the garbage somewhere... stuff happens. You might never have to deal with that, but, you need to have an idea how you would deal with it. Moving to Mexico and changing your name, or jumping off the balcony, are not practical solutions for most of us. 

Finally, there is what I would call the political capital expense. This may or may not ever come into play for you, but for those of us who are open about wearing protective underpants with someone important in their lives, let's face it, "this" is an uncommon consideration for most people. Ideally, people will be decent and treat it as private and not to be weaponized, but, it's always there, hovering in the background, isn't it? Using myself as an example, most relationships cannot be all sunshine and roses - you might have a deep and abiding love and respect for your partner, and they for you, but, kids, dogs, cars, houses, finances, in-laws, preferences, moods, what quadrant the moon is in... sand is going to get into the gears, sometimes. I've had to participate in somewhat contentious, very serious conversations... while I'm wearing a big stupid toddler diaper. My wife has been very considerate, for the most part, but it's an easy thing to reach for. And even if she's not actually planning to break the glass and push that button, my self-consciousness about it can't help but infuse my thinking, however slightly. You may be a stable rock of confidence, inside your Unicorn & Friends Super Dry Tush Max, but, the look on the customs officer's face might make your wife upset, even if it doesn't bother you, is all I'm saying... 

All of that said, I don't want to imagine going back to living life without my (usually) plastic mood booster taped snugly in place; I believe that diapers have fewer side-effects than the salad of pharmaceuticals I might otherwise have to experiment with, to maintain my mostly optimistic, pleasant outlook, day after grueling day, were I forced to navigate life from inside conventional underpants. I'm weird like that. 

[Enthusi]

Omg @Little Sherri, I feel like you’re in my brain.  I resonate with everything you mentioned. ❤️❤️❤️

Re: Family members, the impact of my lifestyle on my partner weighs on me a lot.   For starters there are the intimacy issues.  Physical romance needs to be planned around the possibility that my bladder can suddenly empty itself with little to no warning.  At best it ruins the spontenaity. At worst it can be horrifically gross and embarrassing.  Also when we are together and I have a leak or am about to, it’s now their problem as well.    And, similar to you, @Little Sherri, my partner puts up with the lifestyle only because they support me, but it’s not what they want for me.  

The only advice I can offer is that it takes a lot of bravery to have a frank open discussion with your partner about how your lifestyle impacts them. But doing so is important for both of your long term happiness.   

[WBxx]

Wife accepts my interest but can’t relate.  It’s a lonely often secret life I live.

[CodHero24]

My least favorite part about being 24/7 is the logistics involved for changing a diaper in public.

I'm an expert at diapering while standing, but it's more difficult with pants down at your ankles restricting your movement.

Combine that with how gross public bathrooms are in the first place.

The horrible smells, the constant toilets flushing, people coughing, etc.

No wonder I prefer diapers!

[Donaldo]

The worst parts I feel:

1. Traveling. Going for a 2-3 weeks holiday by plane, requires a full suitcase extra just for diapers. Its expensive and annoying, and have altered the way I do vacations. I now drive by car/caravan, instead of flying.

2. Disposing used diapers, when not home. (workplace, friends, family visits, vacation)

3. This is more on the "lifestyle of a DL" issue, and not a lifestyle of an incontinent: I had no interest in trying to save my marriage, due to the way she "discouraged" me to use diapers. I did nothing to try and save it, and my reasons was purely because I looked forward to going back to diapers on a daily basis.
She knew I was DL, as I told her when I had known her for 1 month. I knew I could not suppress my feelings for diapers. So it was a disaster waiting to happen. - I held out for 8 years with only sporadic diaper use.

That's the experience I have, after 4 years of 24/7, where I now have 2-3 wet nights a week, and cant handle daytime for more than 30 minutes, without diapers.
 

[justforfun]

Over the years, I've gone through highs and lows about how I feel about the decision I made to train myself back to sleep-wetting.  The low was definitely a few years ago, when my daughter graduated from diapers, and I... didn't.  From a mental health point of view, I was not in a good space.

Though I only trained myself as far as sleep wetting, not 24/7, I agree that the traveling aspect is the most challenging.  It's not the wearing itself, it's the carrying, acquiring, and otherwise managing the logistics of making sure that I have supplies, particularly when I'm on a trip with many stops over a longer period.  I can imagine how much more challenging it would be from someone 24/7 dependent.

Related to that... I use cloth at home, and have found a system that never* leaks and is (relatively) comfortable for me.  When traveling I use disposables, which leads to a much higher probability of leaks, particularly when I'm trying to use whatever products I can find in some random country.   Plastic pants, underpads, and other 'stuff' to help mitigate leaks takes even more space in luggage, and makes everything that much more annoying.

Lastly, it is annoying how wearing a diaper interferes with intimacy.  When I've already put a diaper on for the evening, things are very unlikely to happen, and certainly once it's wet any opportunities vanish.  Making time for each other requires more planning, so that I don't happen to have a diaper already on when we're in the mood, but I don't wait too long for her to come to bed and fall asleep unprotected...

*knock on wood...

[Hannah YMS]

The three areas I find that I like the least are:

• The logistics of diaper management while traveling, particularly to a place where I won't have a car or get on a flight.
• The inconvenience factor - having to change when you need to and not when you want to.
• Leaking in bed. I have mental hang-ups about leaking in bed which I think are contributing to my resistance to nightly wetting.

[Enthusi]

1 hour ago, justforfun said:

It's not the wearing itself, it's the carrying, acquiring, and otherwise managing the logistics of making sure that I have supplies, particularly when I'm on a trip with many stops over a longer period.

Yep!  It’s the mild inconveniences that add up. The longer the duration of the trip the more extensive planning you need to do ahead of time.  
 

And you are also right that being diaper dependent 24/7 adds even more hassles.    I encourage most people who are interested in 24/7 to try it out, but for me it wasn’t feasible until I was in my 30’s for a number of reasons.   That said, you find ways to manage, and it really does get easier with time.  

10 minutes ago, Hannah YMS said:

Leaking in bed. I have mental hang-ups about leaking in bed which I think are contributing to my resistance to nightly wetting.

Until I saw your reply here, I  thought I was the only one who has an intense fear of leaking.   It’s so silly because it’s I am a bedwetter and it’s never a big of a deal when I actually leak at night.  But the anxiety about waking up to soaked sheets kicks my ass.  Feel free to DM me if you’re interested having a support buddy who gets it.  

[DAQ]

4 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

And you are also right that being diaper dependent 24/7 adds even more hassles.    I encourage most people who are interested in 24/7 to try it out, but for me it wasn’t feasible until I was in my 30’s for a number of reasons.   That said, you find ways to manage, and it really does get easier with time.  

I know I couldn't afford 24/7 until fairly recently and it is still a pretty significant financial burden. It is far less than the mental burden of not wearing though. That is for sure.

 

[Jay8787]

I love being a bedwetter but sometimes, especially in the summer, I miss being able to sleep naked. 

[foreverdl]

My wife puts up with my wetting. Now I wasn't honest with her 30 yrs ago, but we have gotten past that. Now for about 0 yrs I have a need for diapers nite and day. So she is adjusting to it. I do however fear the leaks when out in public ,, that means I miss juddged my padding.....

[superabsorbantpolymer]

It's funny that many mention the logistics of diapers when traveling as a downside, I guess it is if you want to be guaranteed what products you use. I've traveled to dozens of countries diapered, and I love the experience of tracking down (hopefully good) diapers in a new country. I love going into pharmacies and shops and asking if they have adult diapers in another language. Exploring new products, buying irl, language barriers, confusion as to who they're for all make the experience quite fun.

The logistics don't really bother me, they're part of the ritual and fun of being diapered. The only thing that bothers me is the constant low level anxiety that someone will notice my bulge and or wet patches. But with time I've stopped caring what strangers think, I still need to get over wearing around friends/family, although I've worn around them a lot.

Basically if I had magically flat, waterproof jeans I'd never stop wearing.

[CodHero24]

7 hours ago, Hannah YMS said:

Leaking in bed. I have mental hang-ups about leaking in bed which I think are contributing to my resistance to nightly wetting.

Two things that can ELIMINATE your fear of leaking in bed.

1) PROTEC Briefs.

They're basically a pair of shorts you wear over your diaper.  They're extremely comfortable, they catch all your diaper leaks no matter what position you sleep in.  https://www.protecbriefs.com/products/adult-protecbriefs

2) Re-usable Underpads.

I use a NorthShore Champion reusable underpad.  It's comfortable to sleep on and probably holds a gallon of pee, lol.

I recommend buying two so that you aren't immediately forced to do laundry every time your diaper leaks.

https://www.northshorecare.com/adult-diapers/underpads-bed-pads/northshore-champion-xd-washable-underpads

You can also combine the two.  Wear your diaper, with a ProTec Brief and sleep on a reusable underpad.

Sometimes i'm really tired and literally skip my nighttime diaper change because I know even if I leak, i'm covered.

BONUS) You can also buy comfortable waterproof mattress protectors.

I prefer the soft flexible ones, but they also have the "plasticky" kind.

[justforfun]

16 hours ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

It's funny that many mention the logistics of diapers when traveling as a downside, I guess it is if you want to be guaranteed what products you use. I've traveled to dozens of countries diapered, and I love the experience of tracking down (hopefully good) diapers in a new country. I love going into pharmacies and shops and asking if they have adult diapers in another language. Exploring new products, buying irl, language barriers, confusion as to who they're for all make the experience quite fun.

I can see that if one was traveling for leisure, it could be a fun quest to find new and interesting local diapers, shops that sell them, and so on.  When I'm traveling, though, it's usually for business, and there is not time (and I don't have the energy) to spend on that.  When traveling for leisure I'm with my family and I'm not given the time to track down diapers!

Someday I hope to perhaps be able to take a trip where I was able to make time for diaper-related activities... but the lack of that time today is what makes it a downside...

[Enthusi]

On 1/30/2024 at 8:58 PM, superabsorbantpolymer said:

It's funny that many mention the logistics of diapers when traveling as a downside, I guess it is if you want to be guaranteed what products you use. I've traveled to dozens of countries diapered, and I love the experience of tracking down (hopefully good) diapers in a new country. I love going into pharmacies and shops and asking if they have adult diapers in another language. Exploring new products, buying irl, language barriers, confusion as to who they're for all make the experience quite fun.

The logistics don't really bother me, they're part of the ritual and fun of being diapered. The only thing that bothers me is the constant low level anxiety that someone will notice my bulge and or wet patches. But with time I've stopped caring what strangers think, I still need to get over wearing around friends/family, although I've worn around them a lot.

Basically if I had magically flat, waterproof jeans I'd never stop wearing.

I can’t begin to tell you how important having that challenge mindset is.  And in fact when I crafted my post I debated introducing a second talking about how I love that I am annoyed by the constant small inconveniences of being incontinent.  I get the feeling you, and many others get it. 

[stevewet]

On 1/31/2024 at 1:58 AM, superabsorbantpolymer said:

It's funny that many mention the logistics of diapers when traveling as a downside, I guess it is if you want to be guaranteed what products you use. I've traveled to dozens of countries diapered, and I love the experience of tracking down (hopefully good) diapers in a new country. I love going into pharmacies and shops and asking if they have adult diapers in another language. Exploring new products, buying irl, language barriers, confusion as to who they're for all make the experience quite fun.

The logistics don't really bother me, they're part of the ritual and fun of being diapered. The only thing that bothers me is the constant low level anxiety that someone will notice my bulge and or wet patches. But with time I've stopped caring what strangers think, I still need to get over wearing around friends/family, although I've worn around them a lot.

Basically if I had magically flat, waterproof jeans I'd never stop wearing.

I gave up worrying what others think and just get on with my life. I honestly don't think anyone notices or if they do no one cares.

On 1/30/2024 at 11:59 PM, Jay8787 said:

I love being a bedwetter but sometimes, especially in the summer, I miss being able to sleep naked. 

I love being a bedwetter too. Occasionally I just sleep on a bed pad in hot weather.

[Spargano]

Great question:

1: cost of premium diapers annually is close to to $3,000 not counting extra items like rash cream, onesies, plastic pants etc.

2:leaks that occur early in the day at work when I cannot change clothes. This pretty much means a rash later in the day. I wear dark clothes so it’s not evident but the wet legs is a problem and can become an odor issue if left unattended for a number of hours.

 

3: like others, a leak in bed. It’s embarrassing even though my wife never makes an issue of it, and it’s almost always preventable, but I get lazy and think I don’t need a bed pad, or it’s not that wet… or, “i think I am ok” only to get up and see the giant wet spot on the sheets.

[longislandguy]

I am starting to become an occasional bed wetter, which is what the start of what I wanted. It is very easy to wet all day long, which is what I wanted. What I hate is the massive amount of trash it creates that is just sitting in a landfill. There is tremendous guilt there. Full stop. 

[spark]

Traveling with diapers.

I love to travel, but diapers are bulky.  Half of my suitcase is devoted to diapers when I travel.  It can be PITA to dispose of used diapers when I'm not at hotel.   Other than that, everything is fine.   Okay- leaks suck as well, which is why I don't like Pull-ups.

[diapereddaddy1922]

On 1/30/2024 at 4:26 PM, justforfun said:

Over the years, I've gone through highs and lows about how I feel about the decision I made to train myself back to sleep-wetting.  The low was definitely a few years ago, when my daughter graduated from diapers, and I... didn't.  From a mental health point of view, I was not in a good space.

Though I only trained myself as far as sleep wetting, not 24/7, I agree that the traveling aspect is the most challenging.  It's not the wearing itself, it's the carrying, acquiring, and otherwise managing the logistics of making sure that I have supplies, particularly when I'm on a trip with many stops over a longer period.  I can imagine how much more challenging it would be from someone 24/7 dependent.

Related to that... I use cloth at home, and have found a system that never* leaks and is (relatively) comfortable for me.  When traveling I use disposables, which leads to a much higher probability of leaks, particularly when I'm trying to use whatever products I can find in some random country.   Plastic pants, underpads, and other 'stuff' to help mitigate leaks takes even more space in luggage, and makes everything that much more annoying.

Lastly, it is annoying how wearing a diaper interferes with intimacy.  When I've already put a diaper on for the evening, things are very unlikely to happen, and certainly once it's wet any opportunities vanish.  Making time for each other requires more planning, so that I don't happen to have a diaper already on when we're in the mood, but I don't wait too long for her to come to bed and fall asleep unprotected...

*knock on wood...

My son is just overcoming bedwetting but still makes comments how dad still wears "pampers" in his words

[Stroller]

On 2/2/2024 at 10:55 AM, longislandguy said:

I am starting to become an occasional bed wetter, which is what the start of what I wanted. It is very easy to wet all day long, which is what I wanted. What I hate is the massive amount of trash it creates that is just sitting in a landfill. There is tremendous guilt there. Full stop. 

Mainly for that reason, I'm in washables apart from odd times such as holidays and long walks, when that's impractical.  Now I don't feel guilty.  Have you tried using washables?

[longislandguy]

I have not, but should!

[superabsorbantpolymer]

What washables do you use? I've been looking at the various cloth offerings on incontrol and am tempted to try some out.

[justforfun]

8 minutes ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

What washables do you use? I've been looking at the various cloth offerings on incontrol and am tempted to try some out.

I think you were asking Stroller, but I'm going to chime in anyway. 

Depending on your needs, there are a _lot_ of options.  I know this thread is not about this, so I'll try to end with something on-topic.

For night time, I find nothing works as well as pinned pre-folds.  I have a stack of mostly Leakmaster pre-folds, but there are some other random diapers mixed in the stack and they are all similar.   An important suggestion is to not get thick 'night' diapers, but use several thinner diapers.  They are both easier to fold into something comfortable, as well as being much easier to wash and dry, which keeps the smells out.  Plastic pants of course.  

For day time (when I might fall asleep in front of the TV, or naps, or such) I use cloth pullons.  I have Kins and Leakmaster variants, and I usually use PUL pants.  Again, thinner versions with an insert are easier to get clean and dry.

I've tried pocket diapers, but they are more bulky and annoying than I like for day use and they don't have the side protection I need at night, so they are rarely used.

To make this somewhat on topic... my personal strong preference, and what got me into diapers, is disposables (which is surprising because I was raised in the 70's and I know my mother used cloth on me.)  My wife is the one that insists, for environmental reasons, on my use of cloth... so there is a low-grade grumbling if I make an excuse to wear a disposable, when in her opinion I should be wearing a re-usable.  So I have to wear a diaper, but not one that, well, scratches the particular itch, if you know what I mean.