Seeing yourself as incontinent

[Enthusi]

In my experience the process of internalizing is often overlooked.  I would go as far as to say it’s critical that you be able to see yourself as incontinent if you want any long term success.  I’m talking on a deep, deep, level.   In fact I suspect that the people who are able to successfully “spiral” into incontinence are somewhere along the way to accepting they are incontinent.  

Trust me it’s much easier said than done to identify as someone who is incontinent.  I’ve been at this for over 4 years and it took me about 3 years of untraining and self talk to internalize my incontinence. Here are just some of the psychological barriers I’ve faced in no particular order. 

1. Fear that you’re faking incontinence because you still have some ability to hold it in, or because of times when you chose to use your diaper even though you probably could have made it on time. 

2. Belief that incontinence due to unpotty training is less legitimate than incontinence due to a medical problem. 

3. Discouragement from people who say you can’t become incontinent from unpotty training. (Yes you absolutely can!) 

4. Having dry spells where your bladder control inexplicably improves. 

5.  Fear of going to the doctors of the ER in a diaper.  

6. Self doubt and insecurity about being an ABDL. 

7.  Not wanting the chase to end. 

Anyways I’m very curious how “acceptance” has played a role if at all in other people’s journeys.  For those who’ve been at this for a while and/or have found success, do you see yourself as incontinent? What psychological barriers did you overcome? Did anything change for you once you accepted it? 
 

Edit: I changed the title to be more descriptive and I fixed some grammar 

[Mindylou]

Hi, I can identify with some of these already! Fear that my daytime incontinence training isn't doing any good because sometimes I am still aware that I clinch the muscles down there when I'm trying to get them totally relaxed and atrophied. At night is fine since I wake up wet in the mornings (I've been wearing 2 years at night and am 2 months in on 24/7) I also have a fear that my husband will stop thinking of me as a wife and more as a dependent, someone to change the diapers for etc.. and stop wanting me sexually. I haven't been to the doctor since I've started wearing but I will have to go this year sometime. Trying to decide if I should tell him or not.. all your points are very valid.

 

 

[Babyjord]

I have been 24/7 for the last 25 days and it’s been amazing.. however I go back to work this Monday .. not looking forward to being without a diaper!! I would like to wear at work but dress pants don’t hide much .. I’ve also never worn to a doctors appointment but being full time is a life long dream!! 

[Mindylou]

@BabyjordI have thin diapers ((North Shore Surpreme Lite) I wear every day under my dress pants. I do wear longer shirts a lot to hide it so even my tan khakis and a long shirt hide it! (I also wear my diaper tighter/snug so there is no saggy bulk to worry about.)

Edited June 16, 2021 by Mindylou
Tagging

[Babyjord]

I may have to try this .. I really would like to keep up my full time wearing

[ppdude]

7 hours ago, Babyjord said:

I have been 24/7 for the last 25 days and it’s been amazing.. however I go back to work this Monday .. not looking forward to being without a diaper!! I would like to wear at work but dress pants don’t hide much .. I’ve also never worn to a doctors appointment but being full time is a life long dream!! 

You'll get over that in time. Just wear a tight-fitting pair of plastic pants over your crinkly plastic backed diaper. That's what my mother had me do years ago. It completely took away the "noise" fear factor. And mom approved.

 

 

[oznl]

22 hours ago, Babyjord said:

I have been 24/7 for the last 25 days and it’s been amazing.. however I go back to work this Monday .. not looking forward to being without a diaper!! I would like to wear at work but dress pants don’t hide much .. I’ve also never worn to a doctors appointment but being full time is a life long dream!! 

By a "one-up" size dress pant, some plastic pants and maybe a compression pant for over the top and go for it.  If you've been away from work for a little while anyway, I'd suggest it's fairly unlikely that anybody would remember (assuming they'd studied) exactly what your midriff profile looked like before..  Before losing my job to COVID, I worked in an office for 15 months and I don't believe anybody noticed anything.  I went into diapers full time over the 2018/2019 Christmas break.

[Little Sherri]

23 hours ago, Babyjord said:

I have been 24/7 for the last 25 days and it’s been amazing.. however I go back to work this Monday .. not looking forward to being without a diaper!! I would like to wear at work but dress pants don’t hide much .. I’ve also never worn to a doctors appointment but being full time is a life long dream!! 

I concur with most of what everyone has already said about this - you can absolutely go back to work, and stay 24/7 if you want to. @oznl's advice that nobody will precisely remember how your pants hung on you after a good stretch away from the office is correct, as is his suggestion that you up-size your lower wardrobe by one size. This is what I did, eventually. When I started out on my 24/7 journey, a bit over two years ago, I wore slim, cloth-backed diapers whenever I was away from the house, and that worked fine, and for many people, may have in itself essentially defined "living the dream", but, then the pandemic descended upon us, and instead of working from home a couple of days a week, I started working from home every day, and so, I could wear "real" plastic ABDL diapers every day. After a year or so of wearing what I want, when I want, I decided I didn't want to go back into slimmer diapers - I prefer the feel of the real ones, and, I used considerably fewer of them, and experience fewer leaks. However, my range anxiety in the small diapers was replaced by "bulk anxiety" in the larger ones, so, I one-size-upped my shorts and pants, and bought some t-shirt style onesies, which have allowed me to wear "medium-duty" ABDL diapers anywhere and everywhere. 

By "medium-duty", I am referring to products like Rearz Lil' Monsters or Essentials - "daytime-weight" diapers. The Northshore Megamax also goes into this category for me, but only in medium - the large is huge. I won't wear something enormous like a Rearz Alpaca or Barnyard under dress pants, but other than those "overnight" diapers, I can pretty much wear anything. My conclusion is that nobody pays any attention to my lower half!

[Enthusi]

I have to admit I chuckle when I read posts about people worried about diaper bulge or crinkles.  That’s the least of your worries. 
 

If you are going to worry about something, I’d say worry about smelling like pee.  That’s much more likely to land you in hot water than anything else.  Using plastic backed diapers, staying hydrated so your pee is more dilute, changing when wet, and using a dab of body spray go a long way. 

[Mindylou]

1 hour ago, Enthusi said:

 

If you are going to worry about something, I’d say worry about smelling like pee.  That’s much more likely to land you in hot water than anything else.  Using plastic backed diapers, staying hydrated so your pee is more dilute, changing when wet, and using a dab of body spray go a long way. 

Check, check, check, and check ✅

[oznl]

7 hours ago, Enthusi said:

If you are going to worry about something, I’d say worry about smelling like pee.  That’s much more likely to land you in hot water than anything else.  Using plastic backed diapers, staying hydrated so your pee is more dilute, changing when wet, and using a dab of body spray go a long way. 

My dear beloved (who hates my nappies with an almost pathological vengeance) has given me a hall pass on any odor whilst I'm in decent quality disposables/plastic pants.  I only use two nappies per day so most of the time I am wet to some extent.   The products themselves use odor abatement technology that inhibits ammonia production and I also wash carefully at each change (since there are usually only two changes per day: morning and night, this isn't that onerous).

Be wary of cloth.  They do NOT include odor abatement and need to be managed more carefully.

 

Quote

Oh, nearly forgot - that odor info is for WET diapers.  I don't care what anybody says, it is nearly impossible to disguise a FULL adult diaper so don't go there unless you have to.

 

[~Brian~]

6 hours ago, Mindylou said:

Check, check, check, and check ✅

@oznl@Mindylou

You should also note that while you can smell like PEE, that sometimes, because of sweat, or times when you may smell whatever it is, that you can also smell stinky because of all the sweat.  It gets caught and dissipates, but I have had it happen that I use wipes and clean up really well, and when you sweat, it can smell bad.  In summer, you should change often, and much like you would allow a baby or toddler to go diaperless sometimes, do that to allow your body to get air to the diaper areas.  This way, you also can inspect yourself, so that you DON'T have any irritation, redness, pain, or skin breakdowns.

I find that most times when I sweat, the smell can usually happen when HOT, and 99% of the time, its between your legs.

Good Luck!

Brian

[Little Cub Pants]

1 hour ago, ~Brian~ said:

@oznl@Mindylou

You should also note that while you can smell like PEE, that sometimes, because of sweat, or times when you may smell whatever it is, that you can also smell stinky because of all the sweat.  It gets caught and dissipates, but I have had it happen that I use wipes and clean up really well, and when you sweat, it can smell bad.  In summer, you should change often, and much like you would allow a baby or toddler to go diaperless sometimes, do that to allow your body to get air to the diaper areas.  This way, you also can inspect yourself, so that you DON'T have any irritation, redness, pain, or skin breakdowns.

I find that most times when I sweat, the smell can usually happen when HOT, and 99% of the time, its between your legs.

Good Luck!

Brian

Well said Brian!??

[rusty pins]

On the subject of smelling like pee after a change and clean up.  I have long held to a theory about that.  Your body has pores that you sweat from when it's hot or you are working hard.  It's your body's way of cooling you down.  Likewise, when you are in need of moisture those same pores can absorb water or moisture into your body.  Lets say you wear a very wet diaper and change into a dry one after using wipes or a shower to clean off.  During the time you were wearing your wet diaper, urine may very well be absorbed into your pores.  You may not realize it, but later on if you sweat even a little the urine that has absorbed into your pores may sweat back out and behold!  You now smell like pee again.  Just a theory of mine but I have noticed it myself several times and it makes some sense to me.

[Greg03]

I’m someone who took a LONG time to come to terms with my incontinence which is pretty surprising since I’m a lifelong bedwetters who has always worn diapers at night. However, day time incontinence wasn’t something I was aiming for.

For a long time I told myself that this was totally normal and everybody does it

Taking changes of underwear to work. Totally normal

Starting off every pee into my underwear. Totally normal

Standing over the toilet for 10 minutes until I stopped dribbling. Totally normal

Eventually I did admit to myself that I needed some “just in case” protection and I started to wear pull ups but the denial continued with regards to how often I was needing to use my pull up and I told myself I was doing it for the convenience. It took a couple of years and a few accidents before I finally admitted I needed to be in diapers full time. 

[BabyBoi91]

I can definitely relate. 

For me, I began losing bowel control first through hypnosis , but bladder control was more fidgety. I kept telling myself I still had control — yet if I went any time without diapers my shorts were very damps and I somehow would rationalize it away.

I think the mind just takes a while to accept things sometimes, and that’s ok. Even recently I was questioning whether I still had bladder control, but as I’m reading this post my bladder empties on its own. 

I do think my first “hurdle” was accepting that incontinence due to training was just as valid as any form. In fact, choosing to wear and use diapers is valid regardless of your level of control.

figuring that out and also learning to accept that my incontinence doesn’t have to look like anything specific . Those two things really helped. 

 

 

 

[Enthusi]

21 hours ago, BabyBoi91 said:

I do think my first “hurdle” was accepting that incontinence due to training was just as valid as any form. In fact, choosing to wear and use diapers is valid regardless of your level of control.

This was a huge hurdle for me.  There have been and continue to be times where I know for certain I could’ve made it to the restroom if I tried hard enough, but instead chose to use my diaper.   I used to worry a lot that these instances meant I was “faking” incontinence and I would subsequently go into a shame spiral and then have an intense desire to prove I am not faking it. 
 

It helped me to realize that incontinence is a symptom not a condition. You can still have some bladder control and it can be reversible and yet still you’re incontinent. 

[PlstkBakdnghtnday]

Not incon but I wear A LOT. I've found that megamax medium is about perfect for a work diaper. My fiance has commented that I needed more water in my diet but that was after taping up for work at 2pm then working overtime until 7am and sleeping in the same one until 1pm. If I drink a ton of water I avoid the smell but I ensure that I'll need a change after the first shift and my walking becomes waddely. Also, they are about the quietest plastic backed diaper and they're pretty slim before you start soaking them.

[Ginger]

I agree! I wear the megamax everyday to work and it is just about perfect! I'm able to heavily wet the whole day and not worry about leaks. 

[dlnoir]

I see myself as incontinent although technically speaking I am not. I’ve been wearing diapers for as long as I can remember. Been wearing 24/7 for the last 24 years by now and I have been using catheters and stents for the last 15 years. I love to have no control over my wettings but if I take my stent out things will turn to normal within hours sometimes a couple of days. So I see myself as incontinent I live my life that way for it makes me feel complete and how it should be.

[Hannah YMS]

This has been something that I struggle with. I "know" I'm not "technically" incontinent, but I live my life as if I were. Going on 8 months 24/7, I can see myself as situationally incontinent if I'm not careful, which creates a sort of feedback loop because I wear diapers to protect from that, which then leads to worsening control. I'm happy about this. Some time ago, I've come to identify as incontinent because that's where I'm trying to go and there's no use in putting up any mental barriers while trying to do this. So yes, I'm incontinent. 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

@Enthusi How is your un-potty training going?

[DLmedical-turned DLmedfet]

I am half way there as medical incon  but i find that I feel at ease wen I wear  more and more   reason. Due to this I don't know but I do get urges to lose control on perpose a lot

 

[Wet Knight]

An incontinent adult would wear a plain nappy.

Wearing a 'Kiddy printed' one probably doesn't help an adult 'seeing themself as incontinent', because they're not a 'Kiddy'

[Enthusi]

3 hours ago, Wet Knight said:

An incontinent adult would wear a plain nappy.

Wearing a 'Kiddy printed' one probably doesn't help an adult 'seeing themself as incontinent', because they're not a 'Kiddy'

I can imagine situations where a non abdl would prefer a printed diaper, especially if they were trying to rid of the association of diapers as Granny Panties.”  
 

That said… I personally prefer plain  white diapers because I don’t need the prints and I don’t want to pay extra.   Also I don’t want to draw too much attention to my diaper when I’m out and about.  

Oh and medical diapers often have wetness indicators which is useful when you aren’t sure how wet you are.  

On 7/31/2021 at 12:05 AM, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

@Enthusi How is your un-potty training going?

Great!  To be honest it’s been a blur.  I wet myself a few times during diaper changes and when I was airing out. Yet  I rationalized that I could’ve held it if I tried a little harder. 
 

But then…  this past I went on a quick car ride with an abdl friend and I wasn’t diapered because we just got done swimming in a lake and we were looking for somewhere private to change but it was taking forever and I accidentally peed myself in the backseat of his car.  Luckily he had a put a changing pad down. I even told him ahead of time it won’t be needed. But he insisted and I wasn’t in the mood to argue.  Honestly it’s been a mind screw. I feel really bad about relieving myself in the backseat of his car.  But I am glad he insisted on putting a changing pad down. And he wasn’t surprised in the slightest that I had an accident. 
 

Like I said. It’s all a big blur.

Hows your untraining going?