BabyBoi91

People often over think this. Less info is more when it comes to medical info in the workplace or public social sphere. If someone noticed it and actually asked if I was wearing one, I would probably respond (faintly annoyed) with, "Yes." That's it. They don't need nor are they entitled to know more. If they asked why, I might chuckle lightly with, "A medical issue, obviously." And if they pressed further, I would push back with, "I'm sorry. That's private," or "I don't disclose my medical information to coworkers. If I was worried that someone noticing might affect my job, I would just start with "I'm sorry. That's private," or "I'm sorry. I don't close that information to coworkers." and avoid saying the word "medical." Is it kurt? Maybe. But people really don't need to know. Yeah, there's the workplace gossip and politics. But screw them and don't feed it. And if your employer needs a doctor's note eventually or something, then just get one. There is very limited medical information your employer is entitled to know if it doesn't affect your ability to do your job. Again, this is not about hiding or being closeted. This is about realizing that people often over share their medical info in the workplace to their own detriment (I have seen this happen so many times), and I'm not just referring to just this forum's questions. In general, people overshare medical info to their own detriment.

Ask a urologist. To my knowledge, the closer you are to the perineum the more you put yourself at risk for UTIs. The perineum has a ton of extra bacteria due to proximity to the anus. But again, don't consider this medical advice. Ask a urologist.

Me personally, the stress/anxiety of trying to not pee/poop myself if I don't wear diapers would be so high, it just wouldn't be worth it. Accepting that I need diapers and that using them is a responsible/normal thing for me has been very helpful. Previously, I would tell myself "oh i can go without diapers," try pull-ups, or even go commando, and would just end up with various skin issues, my clothes smelling bad, and feeling miserable. So, for me, I'm happily dependent on diapers and incontinent (i.e., have involuntary release of bladder/bowels). It took me years to get to a point where I could accept this about myself (even knowing I wanted this the whole time).

Yeah i have to agree. This is someone you made a vow to love and stand by no matter what (assuming you made fairly standard vows). Relationships are about commitment, and ones that last do last because people committed. While you're definitely voicing some concern "about the wife finding out and how she would respond," it also really sounds like you feel anxious about your need/desire for diapers as well. Those feelings are ok, but it may be worth talking with a trusted friend or even a professional to kind of work through some of your own thoughts and feelings about your kinks. The things you enjoy and do make you who you are. Even AB/DL things. And yeah, lying or coming up with fake excuses will always, always, always backfire eventually and lead to majorly hurt feelings. Think of it this way: Would you rather have an honest partner who does something you may/may not like, or a lying partner who also does something you may/may not like? Me personally? I always take someone I can trust no matter what, over someone who violates that trust.

Does anyone have tips for messing the bed while asleep? My bedwetting progression is really starting to go well, and my daytime bowel control is pretty much gone. I notice when I'm asleep I dont usualy mess though. Any tips?

Im about 7+ years in to deciding that 24/7 is good for me (and 4+ years of near 24/7). I have been very happy with my bedwetting progression: A) Waking up and using the toilet: 0% , I pretty much never wake up with an 'urge' to go anymore. Also, not toilet trained anymore. O.o B ) Waking up and using my diaper, or a dry night: 0%I don't really have any nights. I go to bed usually with a damp diaper, and it's pretty much always much wetter in the morning--whether I remember wetting it or not. most times I don't remember wetting it. This would match my daytime control which is zero. C) Waking up while wetting my diaper, or barely remembering wetting / hazy or unsure. 65% (starting to happen alot more where I wake up mid "flood" smile and just fall back asleep; and I look forward to just not waking up at all on a regular basis. it helps that i dont mind the sheets getting wet anymore) D) Waking up completely soaked. ... 35% but increasing and very happy when it does. I'm looking forward to this happening more, and I think it's been happening more as I get more comfortable with a 'wet bed' (aka diaper leaks dont bug me, in bed or during hte day, they're just part of being a baby / wearing 24/7). I'm also really looking forward to BCD with making pushies/bowel movements while asleep.. good question btw! and it was a great chance to reflect how I've grown (or rather, regressed) with my goals.

So, I had two thoughts: 1) one of my first bedwetting episodes as an adult happened when I had the flu. I had a fever, felt miserable (put a diaper on), and was in bed. It hurt to move I was so achey and I remember falling asleep thinking “I don’t even care if I wet the bed, I just want to sleep”—sure enough I woke up soaked. I think my body was just exhausted from the fever. 2) urine output is heavily determined by fluid intake. And yeah, many people drink more fluids (or at least should usually when febrile) when sick. Also, if you suddenly stopped eating a lot of super salty foods, that would cause a “diuresis.” for example, after eating a takeout Chinese food, there’s enough salt for someone to gain about 2-3 kg of water weight (assuming they don’t usually eat a high salt diet), but that water weight leaves when daily salt intake is lowered.

Let your urologist know that you use catheters recreationally (including current use). Trust me: it’s quite common. so common that “have you ever put anything up your penis?” Is a standard question at my urologist’s clinic for new patients. Not even joking.

Some of it depends on if you’re in the middle of acute flare or if the surgery is being done more controlled (it sounds like this isn’t super urgent/emergent, which is good, but I have no idea). surgeries during an acute flare-up almost always require an ostomy (poop bag) for a (usually) months until the colons heals enough to be reattached. They are annoying, require a lot of care and skin care to prevent infection, and can be embarrassing, but once you accept it’s temporary and get used to the day-to-day, you get through it. Surgeries outside of an acute flare up are much more controlled and have a higher likelihood of the colon being reattached. It’s tricky work as the bowel are easily damaged, and the goal is good blood flow at the attachment site. If the attachment fails….then usually they have to do another surgery and do an ostomy anyways. Less likely but possible. But again, I don’t know your case. These are just general points from my experience. your surgeon would be the one to tell you how long of a hospital stay to expect, exactly the type of surgery they are doing, and any risks that could happen/what to expect after. If your surgeon is busy, they may have an NP you could talk to and ask those questions. I dunno.

Congrats ! Keep it up. Also, if weighing yourself twice a day is how you like to do it, then go ahead. But usually it’s recommended to pick a single moment each day and weigh at that time in the same conditions (for example, right after waking up and going to the bathroom). the reason is a person’s body weight can healthily fluctuate as much as 2kg (about 4.4lb) simply due to normal and healthy changes in salt/fluid balance. Our bodies need a specific of Na+ in our bodies and if it gets too high or too low, our brain tells our kidneys to pee more/less. it’s actually why people “feel bloated” after eating Chinese food—super high salt content causes the brain to tell the kidneys to retain water and the water has to find space in the body. Of course, all that water gets peed out 2-3 days later assuming someone returns to lower salt amount and healthy kidneys. But again, if weighing yourself twice a day motivates you, keep it up! Just don’t get discouraged by fluctuations.

Just an alternative perspective here that I hope is helpful, and I hope you feel better soon: He sounds like an expert surgeon who is trying to do right by you. Remember, doctors swear an oath to “First, do no harm.” The help and aiding those in need comes second to not causing harm. He may see some of the things you are asking for as potentially causing harm if done right now, and he may also have other reasons for wanting to wait a month (like giving the body time to adjust, waiting to see how everything changes. Also, remember: his primary concern is the health and well-being of your GU (genito-urinary) system and he’s a surgeon, so he’s going to defer to a GP on sleep. Second tip from working around surgeons: when a surgeon says “medical/medication issue” they are often also implying “not something solved with surgery/procedures.” It sounds like he recommended you see your GP as you mentioned other meds and general and mental health problems—all of which can affect sleep yes, you technically can pursue a second opinions (which could take a while, I don’t know your situation) . Another option is you can see him in a month and see your other doctors in the meantime. There are many options (and nothing here should be construed as medical advice). It doesn’t sound like this guy is abandoning you. From what you described, it sounds like he is explaining why he can’t do what you are asking for and even recommending what he thinks may help (even if you disagree). and yes, sleep interruptions can be pretty miserable and can def make other health issues worse. You’re right. hope you are able to feel better soon. I personally always vote in favor of following a doctors’ advice.

Your concerns are actually inverted, fyi? Abdominal incision surgeries are way more risky and require way longer recoveries. Plus, you can’t really access the muscles and stuff necessary for what these procedures need from the abdomen—everything is under the bladder in a space separate from the abdomen, which would require a lot of risky cutting in the pelvis which has a ton of nerves and blood vessels. You would have way more likelihood of nerve damage (and vascular damage, and damaging other vital organs, and internal scar tissue, and…the list goes on) with abdominal surgery. Also, there isn’t one single nerve that allows for sexual function in men. Erection/ejaculation are caused by a network of sympathetic and parasympathetic fibers. There’s also good evidence that even people who sustain nerve damage down there or even at the spinal cord level can still have things functions “down there.” As I always say—the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body. So yeah, transurethral is def way safer than abdominal (in general and esp in these cases). Anytime you can avoid an “open abdominal surgery,” you want to avoid. Most of the nerves in the actual penis are superficial and not near the urethra. And the whole point of transurethral surgery is that you try to only resect or adjust what needs removing/adjusting. and of course, one would assume they’ve talked their concerns with their own surgeons—it’s part of the consent process. None of the above post should be considered medical advice. I just wanted to let you know you had a misinformed opinion about abdominal incisions in 2024.

I have come to realize the Internet is filled with trolls who simply want to ruin anyone’s day, and “experts” who want to argue everything and immediately say why someone is wrong. I believe these kinds of people also don’t really live much outside the Internet, or if they do, they don’t function all that well with others. So, I’ve learned to stop taking anything on the Internet personally, and if someone does start personal attacks or just is outright rude, then I will be quick to ignore and move on. It’s not their fault they act this way, and these people aren’t even worth my emotional energy. That said, I think a lot of people simply “want to believe” whatever they want to believe. How many posts can you find (even here) with people extremely certain that “wearing diapers 24/7 won’t make you incontinent, just like wearing underwear won’t make you continent”? Peer reviewed journals already show us that’s not necessarily true. On the same token, people also have difficulty thinking beyond black and white. Either you “are” or “are not” continent. When really, medical specialists intentionally use scales to assess “levels of continence.” It’s not black and white. Lastly, it’s a common phenomenon that people can get angry if they see people happy with something they don’t like, don’t understand, or can’t have. So, they immediately piss in someone else’s cereal. It sounds like this is happening to you. And yes, I recently had the experience (not ABDL related) of talking to a doctor and learning that something I thought was normal my entire life was actually atypical. But when it’s your body and it’s how it works since you were a small child, you assume it’s just normal.

I would say the number one issue with pads is placement/moving, and “direction of flow” (especially with males. They also tend to be poor while sleeping unless it is extremely light and you barely move in your sleep. have you considered using an adult pull-up style “pad”? Like depends has pretty discreet products (they are pretty lightweight tho and usually need to be changed after one wetting which you describe you prefer. They also don’t handle flooding well). Other brands, especially ones with leg guards do better. another option would be to vary your diaper options. Maybe use your current diapers for nighttime / when itay be awhile before u can change, and find a thinner diaper for daytime use / when you know you can easily change. I know some people have talked about having 3 options: nighttime/extended use, standard daytime, and quick use / exercising. but I agree with those above. Find options that work for you. And if diapers are a problem (like you really don’t want to wear and wish you wet less), see a doctor about different ways to help.

When it comes to procedures, I would personally trust the advice of a urologist over a continence nurse for most things. The continence nurse may have experience dealing with patients in recovery/post-surgery, but a urologist is gonna have a much deeper understanding of your body’s needs , ability to discuss benefits and risks, and is medically licensed to actually give treatment overall. if anything, I would compare with a second opinion from a second urologist if you’re concerned (ideally a different practice, but doesn’t have to be, especially if they’re all independently hired by the hospital). That’s totally reasonable when considering a procedure or surgery to get a consult from a non-operating surgeon. Also, doctors not communicating well with nurses is a tale as old as time. Likely he expects then to read visit notes, or if she is in a different system, there may be privacy issues and paperwork missing, who knows. but it’s pretty common.

So, your end question is really medical and should probably be asked to a doctor—more specifically a different urologist or your primary care doctor if they know the answer. Some option: get a second opinion, or request a new urologist. Maybe ask your primary care doc about this. another option: Most hospitals have some kind of “patient advocate” or “patient liaison” system where patients who feel their doctors aren’t communicating well or aren’t listening to them / their questions can talk to someone and get help with their doctors . They do a lot. Mostly because if doctors write these people off, they can often get in trouble from higher up. And even if your urologist is “top dog” in his department, there is always someone above him, lol. Always. These are just ideas though. Regardless, I’m sorry that your relationship with your doctor doesn’t seem that great. Not your fault; he sounds like a “stereotypical surgeon” and may not always be the best at empathy or may get easily frustrated when he can’t just insta-fix something with surgery. Who knows. Hope things improve.

My issue with NRUs is I find they don’t wick moisture away as well as Northshore. while I’m all for trying new things, I find Northshore MegaMax is one of the best for capacity AND wicking—which keeps my skin dry and prevents a rash. some of the newer diapers that boast larger capacities keep the moisture right on my skin, which really irritates it. It could also be a sizing issue. North shore diapers run big for their size, so it gives a little air between the skin and diaper. so for me, it’s not about capacity so much about time until skin irritation. There are some diapers with massive capacity that I have to change after 3 hours due to skin irritation.

I think for I was once at a point where I was “seeing myself as incontinent,” but I think even that was a form of denial (about what I wanted and about where I really was at). now it’s about accepting that I really am incontinent (bladder and bowel), and I just need to not fight it, and work on managing it well.

I will say your title comes off as a little tone deaf. ? (no, I’m not shaming you. I’m just giving some feedback to a friend ?) I think incontinence, urinary and especially fecal incontinence, can be very anxiety provoking / shame inducing for some people. So saying, “I’m still waiting for it to cause me shame or embarrassment…” may make a lot of eye rolls . like, “well, someone is young, inexperienced, and/or thinks they’re invulnerable to fate and time…” **** Just to play devil’s advocate (warning: potential triggers below)…. What if you were fired from your job because they downsized, and you had also begun to develop bowel incontinence regularly (especially fecal stress incontinence)… and sure you can take pills for the smell . But they can interact with other meds and don’t really make the smell go away; for some people they don’t work at all. And what happens when you go for new job interviews? Are you doing bowel preps every single day, maybe 2, and hoping you got everything ? Hoping you don’t defecate mid interview ? Or do you just wing it and hope fate is nice to you?—cu l you know if your bowels release everything mid interview because you sneeze, everyone there is gonna know you shit yourself. And while ADA is a thing…you still have to be able to do your job and they may consider “pooping yourself uncontrollably in front of people” unable to do the task you need to do. Harsh, but quite possible. not to mention, say you manage to get the job… you still have to go to work, but your urinary incontinence has progressed to bowel incontinence due to years of pelvic floor weakness. How is this gonna affect you? Are you just doing daily bowel irrigation? Which is going to destroy your peristalsis—you will basically be doing bowel irrigation for life—or are you just letting yourself crap yourself at work: which you have no clue when it will happen, who with / in front of. what if your sensation decreases and you stop noticing how wet something or you’re unable to detect leaks? Sure, changing on a set schedule is a good solution, but sometimes even those fail and you have a massive wet spot on your butt and the whole office sees it but you don’t even know it. and don’t forget the flatulence ! That seeps out now too. It’s sometimes really loud and embarrassing and you have control of that either , and it smellla horrible. **** I’m not saying don’t enjoy your life and don’t be your best self. I’m just questioning if whether it may be better to sometimes walk our lives with some humility. If not for our benefit, then for the benefit of those with whom we walk alongside. For many people, sudden onset of incontinence robs them of their sense of self. For others, becoming incontinence helps them find their whole sense of self. but I think both sides can have to face issues of shame or anxiety. To write them off, I believe, is just asking to be blindsided.

Yes, obesity and DM2 are the biggest culprits with adult incontinence. as far as potty training, parents in the 2020s are potty training earlier than they were 10 years ago in the US. The average age a child becomes potty trained is now 2.5 years old . The average age of starting potty training (again, average) is shortly after turning age 2. this is in contrast to the 2000s / 2010 time when the average age of potty training was age 3 or higher. and in the 80s, it was not uncommon for children to be potty trained in their late 3s or early 4s. So while people may think that disposables “make parents lazier” or somehow disincentivize toilet training. The decrease in age over time doesn’t support that. And while some people brag about toilet training at 18 months, toilet training too early can actually be quite harmful as it can lead to urinary / fecal retention. Ironically , toilet training Too Early actually has a high risk of childhood incontinence due to instilling behaviors that lead to retention (and retention can often lead to incontinence in children).

Some of this has been echoed above, but i would say: 1) having an understanding of oneself that this is what you really want and it’s ok if this takes time. Heck part of the process imo is this understanding crystallizing. But I think that many of us agree that the biggest hang ups are mental. And I think many of those “mental barriers” go away once you realize: “No, this is right for me. This is what I want. I know this.” fantasy is fun and has its place, absolutely. And desire also plays a role in our lives. But once you have that level of “clarity” about wanting change, then I the change can happen rather quickly, because the mind and body are ready.

Please ignore this person . He is giving actually dangerous advice . do NOT ever take activated charcoal without the direct supervision and instruction of a doctor, especially if you have other health conditions or take other medications as activated Charcoal can neutralize certain vital medications and/or cause life-threatening electrolyte imbalances. this person is NOT qualified to give any kind of medical advice and has admitted before that they are NOT a health care professional of any kind. I usually leave this guy on ignore cuz he’s a fraudster, but he’s starting to give life threatening advice again .

Yeah, I agree that having a trash bin is very helpful for handicap stalls. I’m guessing for some places its less practical. also, no clue why some other responder is shouting all-caps at “people on this site”… ?‍♂️

So these actually do work pretty well. So do just basic “disposable underwear” Either way, the effect is completely unnoticeable in certain types of garments — especially jeans . if it’s more you don’t like the feeling yourself, then that may be different , but again you may find that denim holds everything snug . jsut an idea for if you don’t want the bulk of a diaper (personally I would probably just use the disposable underwear but the inserts may be cheaper .

Tbh , from my perspective, the person you are referring to may have a history of giving “expert advice” and sometimes even [very incorrect] “medical advice” about things he maybe shouldn’t be giving advice on. He has acknowledged that he does not have any medical or psychological expertise, but is eloquent and frequently works in jargon to sound like he does, imo. I feel like his posts would be better suited if they were merely sharing his own experiences and not always telling people what to do. Sometimes he has even given people dangerous health advice in my opinion, so as someone who is a health professional, I usually remind people, “Please be careful about following advice on the Internet.” To reference OP, I think you’re doing a great job. You may not even have to drink a “ton” of water , although early on it can certainly give you more opportunities to wet. The best thing you said is that you “try to relax and let it flow”—that’s great! One of the biggest parts of untraining is getting to a point where you aren’t focused on untraining, where you accept that your body will just do relax / release when it needs to. ?