dlmolicares

Introduction: I've been on the bedwetting journey for years and definitely sleep-wet on a pretty regular basis (maybe 5-10X per month) It's normally during my first phase of sleep (like waking 2 AM finding I've totally wet) but later (like 4 AM) I find myself holding the 2nd batch. In part, may be a deeply buried desire to not sleep in wet sheets. It's almost like if I know I drenched myself at 2 AM then by 3-4 AM I awaken to myself holding the new urine just to keep the sheets dry. I believe the occasional difficulty of getting back to sleep in wet sheets, T-Shirt etc may be pausing my development as a bedwetter. Gamechanger Tip (for me at least!) I found the combination of a good diaper (Abena or other) with a larger cloth diaper on the outside and plastic pants over them has allowed me to truly wet throughout the night while keeping the sheets dry. I wet every time, whether a 1 AM wetting in my sleep, a 3 AM stir and wet, or 5 AM before I get up wet. Even got up one of the following mornings for a little restroom break and ended up wetting myself right by the toilet (because I couldn't get the layers off in time!) It's such a good feeling- I now feel a total "freedom to wet" and also feel the distinction between "was I asleep or awake" slipping as I just always wet at night. I know my body accepts this, and also feel the control I used to have to "hold it at 4 AM" slips away a bit more each time I just fully go. Takeaways Recommending strong diaper + cloth on outside + plastic pants. Truly puts you in a place where you're free to wet all times at night (for those who subconsciously hesitate from dislike of wet sheets) Each time makes it more natural to sleep through. Bonus is that it creates a barrier to getting up for the restroom- The layers take work to unlayer fully so it's 100X easier to wet and go back to sleep. Allowing me to let go of that last bit of control (4 AM piece) and slide into wherever the bedwetting fairy takes me 😆 Note- Fully understand the alternative approach of getting 100% used to sleeping in wet sheets. That's totally viable but not currently practical for me.

May be soon going through similar (although outpatient colonoscopy) Struggling a bit with it, but it'd be true to say A) I have leakage after urinating and B I have wet in my sleep before without remembering it. Ultimately, I may just tell them I'm more comfortable with something on. Raises the question of WTF they do during a colonoscopy, which is part of what makes it difficult for me. It'd truly make me more comfortable. Said differently, my last was 5 years ago and without but now I would be conscious and edgier without.

Really good comments! Updating the list here (and shortening!) 1) Night Diaper Wearing: Getting used to wearing a diaper at night (Was quick for me, maybe a week or so. For others it might be trickier, esp. if they have a partner who isn't aware!) 2) Night Diaper Wetting: Learning to comfortably urinate from any sleeping position with no effort (For non-bedwetters and non 24/7, being totally at ease with letting go from any position in bed can be a big mental barrier) 3) Travels and overall acceptance: Simply, this is the mental acceptance that you’ll need diapers every night. Staying over at a friend’s place. Vacationing with family. Big business trips. Getting to the point that you accept and are willing to have this shape your life. 4) Wet Sheet Concerns: Many are inclined to not want to sleep in wet sheets. At the core it can create some hesitation to wet- almost if the mind is processing whether or not it’s “safe” to wet- Conscious or subconscious processing like “Am I wearing a diaper? Is the diaper already too wet to hold more? Am I in a safe place to wet the bed? Will I wet my sheets by mistake?” This is mental, and may create some barrier to wetting freedom 5) Multiple wettings (largely related to above) meaning whether or not you wet each time you awaken or do it just the first time. It’s just another facet of 4 above. Most of my wettings are early in sleep (before 2 AM) and I don’t tend to wet if I already have earlier (awake or not the first time) As mentioned above, it’s probably a barrier. A slightly awake measure of whether or not you’ll make the sheets wet when you wet. 6) Sharing with professionals: Whether or not you’ve disclosed your bedwetting to professionals. For me, yes to massage therapist (I wear 24/7) and to counselors / psychologists (Even shared my initial goal 5 years ago!) and maybe incidental to a dermatologist (think she may have seen it briefly) However, not yet to Primary Care Physician nor have I seen specialists on the matter (no urology, sleep meds etc) Gastro (upcoming colonoscopy) is up in the air but thinking I'll share I am more comfortable wearing (post matriculation dribble is real and I do have occasional sleep accidents) 7) Community: Thanks to longislandguy for adding this. Certainly community like these forums, virtual worlds and other online interactions allow us to share and process our journey more. To his point though, meeting AB/DL in real life does make a difference. I've only done so a couple of times (when out of town) but the idea of community becomes more real when you see everyone in a coffee shop. We are a community and fully knowing there are others can help us figure this all out! 8 ) Close contacts and family: Thanks to WBxx for chiming in. Many of us don't share with close contacts and family. Personally, I think in terms of "need to know" in that my spouse knows and accepts (but doesn't RP with it, which is fine) but that's a big step. Not sure how one fully trains to bedwet without some interaction w spouse / partner. On "Need to know", I see absolutely no reason for personal friends need to know this about me. They don't benefit from knowing. Ditto for extended family, children etc. Would say, going 24/7 does get hard to hide. There are times when others that didn't need to know saw my diaper (unfortunately, would rather they hadn't!) but I answered their questions and moved on. 9) Acceptance of all outcomes: Just a tip from a therapist 5-6 years ago, which was simply to be OK whether you wet or not. Idea being that if we categorize as "successful or unsuccessful" every night it adds pressure and brings us away from the goal. She said to simply take a moment to enjoy the feeling when it happens, but don't berate yourself on nights it doesn't. I now spend less mental energy trying to make it happen before bed and simply brief up knowing I may have an accident. When it happens, great! If it doesn't, I simply get along with my day and look forward to seeing what the next evening holds (or if I don't hold :>)

I understand the sentiment, for a long time I judged my night as good or bad based on whether or not I wet. Fortunate that I had a therapist I was sharing this journey with (even sharing I was using hypnosis) and she was the one who suggested I stop judging based on outcomes. It was helpful for me as it removed some of the pressure I was putting on myself.

Just did a separate post about the "mental game" of becoming a bedwetter. It's actually an interesting journey because we find out more about ourselves and our true motivations along the way. This is a good thread but I wanted to get the new one in only to get it all in one place for comment and thoughts (and to help!) Hesitation about sleeping in wet sheets is a biggie. As is accepting being a bedwetter no matter where you stay or with whom, as is whether you're telling professionals about it etc etc. Hope you can see that post too. Definitely agree with what you're stating as angles to work around one of the barriers (wet sheets)

I've been training for bedwetting over the last 4-5 years (never wet the bed over the age of 3 or so) and would consider myself a true occasional bedwetter (semantics are important but defining "true" bedwetter is probably better on another post) Quick take for me, it means that I awaken totally soaked w/ no recollection some nights (up to 3-4 nights a week, sometimes a week without any) and that I've had times where I absolutely wanted to stay dry but ended up soaking sheets anyways (such as staying over in someone’s new bed and prepping with less fluids and “going” before sleep!) Looking back, a lot of that process was a mental game, and I've not seen someone post all of the mental facets in one place so I'm doing it here to help others and get new ideas. These are potential mental hurdles to be overcome to achieve the goal. By far, the most fascinating part of my journey was the process of recognizing (some may be subconscious) and also overcoming those hurdles. Each hurdle overcome may be a step closer to being a true bedwetter (depending on how you define it!) Hope this is helpful for the journey of others too: 1) Night Diaper Wearing: Getting used to wearing a diaper at night (Was quick for me, maybe a week or so. For others it might be trickier, esp. if they have a partner who isn't aware!) 2) Night Diaper Wetting: Learning to comfortably urinate from any sleeping position with no effort (For non-bedwetters and non 24/7, being totally at ease with letting go from any position in bed can be a big mental barrier. Part of our minds tell us "not now" and this needs to be overcome- being able to wet whenever you want in a bed with ease) 3) Travels and overall acceptance: Simply, this is the mental acceptance that you’ll need diapers every night. Staying over at a friend’s place. Vacationing with family. Big business trips. Getting to the point that you accept and are willing to have this shape your life. For some this may seem nearly impossible or simply impractical. It can certainly impact relationships. It’s also a big reconciliation- beyond the fantasy of being a bedwetter, am I truly ready to accept the real world implications of being a bedwetter for life? Knowing once I cross a certain point I may not be able to untrain and become reliably dry every night? I have accomplished this step- but recognize others may not be able to easily. The degree to which each of us wants this goal (and how we define true bedwetting) varies, and that’s OK! Our mindset on this likely impacts our wetting outcomes to one extent or another. 4) Wet Sheet Concerns: Many are inclined to not want to sleep in wet sheets. At the core it can create some hesitation to wet- almost if the mind is processing whether or not it’s “safe” to wet- Conscious or subconscious processing like “Am I wearing a diaper? Is the diaper already too wet to hold more? Am I in a safe place to wet the bed? Will I wet my sheets by mistake?” This is mental, and may create some barrier to wetting freedom (There are examples on this forum of people who truly wet the bed when they have a diaper on, but don’t wet the bed if they have no diaper) There are several tools to resolve (are there more?) The blunt (probably most effective but less practical for some) is to spend weeks wetting the sheets every night and simply get used to and then accept the feeling- normal and OK to be in wet sheets all night, normal to do laundry daily, etc. Conceptually, the other (easier) way is to have enough protection that the sheets won’t get wet no matter how much we wet. Easier said than done, especially for side sleepers. This can also be more costly- I wear a full Abena and robust Abena pad with rubber pants and underpad nightly, but still often have leaks through to the sheets. The other mental piece here can be acceptance- being OK when wet sheets happen. Self-talk such as “Great, my wet sheets mean the training is working and I’m getting closer to my goal” and “Wet sheets are OK, they happen to bedwetters sometimes” may help. 5) Multiple wettings (largely related to above) meaning whether or not you wet each time you awaken or do it just the first time. It’s just another facet of 4 above. Most of my wettings are early in sleep (before 2 AM) and I don’t tend to wet if I already have earlier (awake or not the first time) As mentioned above, it’s probably a barrier. A slightly awake measure of whether or not you’ll make the sheets wet when you wet. 6) Sharing with professionals: Whether or not you’ve disclosed your bedwetting to professionals. I’ve not fully done so. Certainly have talked about it to therapists (for years!) but haven’t talked to my primary physician nor specialists. Personally, on the fence for my next colonoscopy but leaning to just letting them know I wear for leakage during the day (Been wearing 24/7, Truly do leak after urinating which adds up to a pretty big wet stain by the end of day!) or even that I go at night sometimes (even sometimes when not wanting to do so) Overdue for colonoscopy but not comfortable / reconciled about how to with or without being padded up in there (day and sleep leakage) Have worn for years at massages- stated "for convenience" and it's totally accepted. But, as I’ve not told all docs, it feels to me like a mental barrier that would bring me closer if crossed. 7) Acceptance of all outcomes: Just a tip from a therapist 5-6 years ago, which was simply to be OK whether you wet or not. Idea being that if we categorize as "successful or unsuccessful" every night it adds pressure and brings us away from the goal. Idea here is to be OK if you don't wet on a given night but certainly enjoy when you do as getting closer to your goal. If we think we fail when we don't, we're putting all sorts of conscious and subconscious pressure on ourselves- enjoy the journey! 8) Any others??? PS- Hypnosis helped me a TON... Not so much that it made me immediately become a bedwetter, but more so in helping me reposition the barriers here and also change the inner dialogue. Big help on the mental piece for me!

Agree, a lot of this is semantics. May post something tomorrow on the mental barriers.There are definitely barriers if one has never wet the bed (other than infant) but they can be overcome. Also, agree with your description of being a bedwetter- some if it is in eye of the beholder. Ultimately we're all trying to figure our things out and find our right "place"

More so speaking to the training dynamics and our subconscious- which has been an absolutely amazing journey for me over a number of years. At the start of the journey, all of us (who aren't already bedwetters) have a whole host of learned behaviors that prevent bedwetting. Through the journey I've learned to recognize (and overcome) many of them for the purposes of my overall goal to truly be a bedwetter. For example, wetting while laying down feels awkward at first but can be trained. Accepting that you'll need diapers and protection every night- even in nights when it's not practical (business trips, family vacations, etc) was a big barrier for me. Once accepted, it brought me another step closer. There are probably other barriers that had to be overcome. Trick is to recognize them (which can be hearing from others here, or equally importantly looking into your personal motivations and subconscious drivers to the extent you can) I definitely consider myself a bedwetter in that I have total accidents with no recollection of it happening (that feeling of waking up soaked and not even knowing how) but I also sense there is a remaining barrier of sorts, which is a deeper preference for not having to sleep in wet sheets. It can be addressed one of a couple ways- by having ultra protection (so we KNOW that the sheets won't get wet) or by getting the mind to accept that if we have to sleep in wet sheets it's OK. I am still working on this front. Ultra protection is easiest conceptually (alternative would be to train to get used to and accepting of wet sheets) but the challenge is that I've not found how to have 100% ultra protection. Have been wearing a hefty diaper for years, along with the rubber pants, insert, and underpad. Still I often wake up with wet sheets. Being a side sleeper might be part of it. TLDR: Not saying you have to sleep in wet sheets to truly be a bedwetter, but what I am saying is that if someone has a deep concern about sleeping in wet sheets that it could be a minor barrier to an extent- IE part of the subconscious still holds back from wetting out of concern for wet sheets (either not wetting if already wet b/c of concern about wet sheets, or not wetting due to distrust of the protection being inadequate)

You may be on to something. As one of the responders indicated, many people have a negative association of sleeping in wet sheets. That may create a subconcious bias towards only bedwetting if in a diaper at night vs "anytime anywhere" bedwetting. In theory, sleeping for weeks without a diaper, wetting the sheets whenever the urinary urge comes on could reduce / remove that barrier. Meaning, training ones self to be comfortable letting go without a diaper every night. Eventually your body will let go automatically into the sheets (even without a diaper) Of course, you'd need to also be comfortable sleeping in a wet bed every night and probably have to reposition the idea of laundry every day to a positive. If you're wetting while asleep without a diaper consistently, I am confident you would likewise wet while asleep even with a diaper. Speaking from experience, I am maybe 25% to half used to sleeping in a wet bed (If the diaper majorly leaks, I won't change the sheets until the morning. But I do take off the wet shirt and usually the underpad and set them aside for the morning. That said, I have trained to uncontrollable wettings at night when in a diaper (Example- staying in a friend's new bed, minimizing liquids and peeing right before bed to not have an accident THAT night... but awakening having soaked the diaper and stained the bed without remembering it anyways) "Wetting without remembering" may happen up to several times a week, but I can also go maybe 2 weeks where it doesn't happen. A therapist once told me it's best to "go with the flow" meaning enjoy when it happens but don't stress if it doesn't (versus worrying about wetting or not wetting). Seems to work.

Can't the tuck create a kink? One of the annoyances for me is when it starts to flow if obstructed, then it sort of hurts the urethra until it is open. Thinking if one is sitting and tucked it might pinch off the flow?

It pretty much happened to me today... took a lot of focus to tense those muscles w/o tensing the stomach or holding breath. I definitely got to a point where for 15-20 mins things came out pretty naturally. Either temp incontinent, or was so hard to stop it that I couldn't immediately with out great concentration, or didn't think about it until it started and then had to focus on stopping. Only reason I'm stopping short of saying it absolutely created full incontinence is that I was wearing a brief and wearing makes it easier to "go" so not sure how it would have shaken out in public with no brief. Might have been a problem though (not that I'd want to) Anyways, pretty effectively made for continence issues and after maybe 20 mins, back to normal. Stating the obvious, but this could (would likely) strengthen those muscles over time. Good experience that I'll probably tinker with again sometime though

Quick thought- Kegels are obviously used to strengthen continence by increasing the strength of the pelvic floor including voluntary continence related muscles. They're designed to strengthen these muscles over time- but what if they're overworked? Do they fatigue? And would that reduce continence for at least until they recover? I found a study that involved 20 cycles of Kegels and the researchers measured a consistent reduction in voluntary contraction strength after 10 twenty second cycles. Something to this for those of us who might be interested in short term incontinence? Has anyone tried this?

Have tried this, probably overly cautiously. Put the pads on either side of my bladder and took it up to 2-4 (fairly low) and had it do waves / pulses. Main thing I noticed was that if my bladder was already full, the agitation would make it contract more. Similar to tapping your bladder when it's full

I've been experimenting with my real goal being to see if I can induce temporary urinary IC. Recently got a small rectal plug with a large balloon that can be easily inserted then manually pumped up. Since full bowels tend to push on my bladder (and can even cause leakage) I thought a really full bowel (balloon) would force more involuntary bladder releases. Unfortunately, have yet to position it in such a way to do so although maybe a matter of me pumping the balloon more. Did have a surprising side effect though, which was bowel IC when the balloon is filled. Basically, the inflated balloon forces contractions of the bowel. The balloon stays in (too big to come out) but the bowel empties its contents regardless- uncontrollably. Waves of "needing to go" come and soon thereafter a batch of stuff comes out- absolutely no stopping it. Guessing either the anal sphincter can't adequately get a seal against the tube that's at the exit or maybe the muscles force to "go mode" all the way down to and including the anal sphincter. Definitely a "loss of control" experience that comes in multiple waves. Does anyone have experience with using a balloon like this to get pressure on the bladder? I am well aware of the many means to induce bowel ic (enema etc) but this was a new one. Unfortunately my real goal is forcing the bladder, which seems much trickier.

So did you tell your partner it was intentional? Or, did she just wake up to wet sheets and counsel you?