Leaderboard

Everyone in this setting is 'Normal' size, in that they fall into the same range that people in the real world fall into. Unlike the DD, being Little here isn't about size/genetics, it's just a mental state and social class. ... Chapter Seven Jamie toppled as Michelle pushed him onto the bed, legs feeling unsteady–it felt as though the pee that had soaked in and made his diaper sag had imbalanced his whole body, even though the pull-up couldn’t possibly be that full. Regardless, he fell back and landed on the mattress, and though he expected her to start changing him, he didn’t expect her to be quite so enthusiastic about it. She followed him onto the bed, pulling the straps off his shortalls, straddling his knees as she pulled the garment down off his body, so that only his onesie and pull-up remained. “Be a good boy and lie still for me,” she instructed, moving to discard the shortalls completely. Jamie nodded, and felt silly for doing so–he didn’t need to agree, that was like agreeing to breathe. He would simply do whatever Michelle told him to do; she knew what would keep him safe, what the grown-up choices would be, and he’d be better off following her instructions than trying to think for himself. The snaps on his onesie came free, and Michelle’s hand slid up the front of his fully saturated pull-up, groping the crotch of his diaper. He was burning with desire, but to his surprise, he hadn’t grown hard enough to make the diaper tent out, only bulging it a little. Jamie could absolutely feel Michelle’s fingers stroke over the soggy garment, but he didn’t know if she could feel him back. Still, it didn’t matter–Michelle pulled her hand back and slid off the bed, though he would have been fine for her to leave it there forever if it meant the dizzying pleasure stayed firmly in his thoughts. Instead, though, she began to change his pull-up, ripping the sides so that it could be removed just like a thoroughly saturated Little diaper. The baby wipes she produced were warm, pre-heated for his comfort, and she worked delicately to clean all the stale urine from his skin. She didn’t tease or make fun, and instead only said, “See, I’m so proud of you–aren’t you glad you weren’t trying to wear silly grown up underwear? Isn’t this nicer than icky, cold pants and a huge stain to clean up?” He nodded, though his attention was split by sensation as she sprinkled baby powder between his legs, rubbing it in with her hand. Fingers stroked up his cock, massaging in the perfumed powder, and he felt tiny and blissful, eyes rolling back in his head. Michelle wadded up his old diaper and discarded it. Jamie didn’t see where, and he didn’t care, that wasn’t his problem to worry about. He expected a new pull-up, or maybe a new diaper, but instead, Michelle leaned over him again. “I need to do something before I put your diaper on,” she explained, hands on his thighs. “It’s important.” He nodded. “Mhmm.” He’d do it–but what was it? A hint of skepticism washed over him, dampening his arousal. Jamie hadn’t done this before, but he felt fairly certain that she should have put a fresh diaper on him immediately. “Roll over, and get on your hands and knees,” Michelle instructed. “Okay? Be good for me, and this will help you keep your grown-up thoughts.” That explained it–this wasn’t normal, it was to help him stay a grown up. Placated, Jamie did as he was told, eyes down on the bed as he raised his naked bottom into the air. Looking between his legs, he saw himself, confirming what he’d felt–his cock looked smaller than he remembered. In fact, his whole body seemed different–was he a little more slender at the waist? Had his hips swelled a bit, giving him more overt curves? He frowned, brow furrowing, trying to decide if the changes to his body were simply a trick of perspective. He normally saw himself in a mirror, not while kneeling, looking down at his half naked body. Before he could question it further, he felt the bed shift, one side pressing down as Michelle crawled onto the mattress behind him. He felt naked skin against his back, and Michelle’s fingers laced with his shaggy hair, pulling his head back so she could whisper in his ear. “A good, grown-up boy would let me use him,” she whispered. “However I want. Are you going to be good for me?” Jamie nodded diligently, but this felt wrong. He wanted–he needed something, but– Michelle anticipated his need and reached around his face, pressing his pacifier between his lips. He sucked down on the bulb, moaning in relief as he felt it calm him. Then, from behind, he felt pressure against his bottom–not the need to go, but instead a hard force, slick and firm, pushing inside him. Eyes widening, he looked down again, watching between his legs as Michelle pressed her hips against his thighs, pushing the strap-on into him, filling him up. He couldn’t help himself–he moaned, shuddering as she pulled back and thrust again, a little faster this time, sliding in and out of his bottom with an escalating rhythm. (Yes,) Jamie thought, as Michelle accelerated, pounding into him, one hand still laced in his hair. (Yes, I–I’m a good boy, I’ll do what M–m–) “Mmphhh…” he moaned, his own parts quivering, ready to burst from the pleasure as Michelle filled him, using him for herself, driving the strap-on into his G-spot over and over again. But, again, she knew his body better than he knew it himself, and before he could spurt onto her mattress, overwhelmed by the burning need to cum, she stopped, retreating, pulling out of him. “Such a good boy,” she purred. “There you go…” “Buh…” he stammered, pacifier dangling between his lips. “I…I wanna…” “You want to make me feel good now, right?” she finished, planting the words in his mouth and the thought in his brain. “To thank me for using you?” Helpless to think for himself, Jamie nodded–Michelle was right. “Then we should get you in your diaper, before you have a little accident,” Michelle cooed, shimmying out of the strap and setting it aside, along with her panties, leaving her as naked below the waist as he was. Jamie was as hard as he could be when he rolled onto his back–which wasn’t all that impressive, though Michelle didn’t seem to care about his diminishing manhood. She was clearly wet, dripping with arousal that seemed as intense as himself. That reassured him–he had to be mature, he had to be grown up, that’s why she was so interested. She had a diaper ready, though, and slid it under his hips, folding it… (Where did she get all this from? Did she already have it in here? Why…dhuuh…) His questioning thoughts were rendered into putty as she pushed the fresh diaper down over him. This was no pull-up, it was fluffy and snug, playful monkeys and jungle friends decorating the exterior. Feeling the thick, comforting padding press down over him, Jamie began to drool around his pacifier, mind sinking in a soup of pleasure. Two large tapes secured the diaper down, and Michelle ran her hand up the front one more time, satisfied in her handiwork. “Now,” she instructed, crawling up onto the bed, hooking a finger into the pacifier’s handle once again and pulling it free. “Are you going to be a good boy?” His nod came automatically. Of course. He was a good boy. She spread her legs, showing off her waiting sex. “Then show me how you use your mouth, and make me feel good.” Jamie required no further instruction. Crawling forward on the bed, freshly diapered bottom sashaying in the air as he approached, he dipped his head between her thighs and showed Michelle that he knew exactly how to demonstrate his maturity. She gasped as his tongue ran across her clit, and Jamie worked himself harder. She reached down, fingers lacing once again through his long, lush hair, and she pulled down–unnecessary, because Jamie had no thoughts of pulling away, but her need filled him with satisfaction more deep than he could remember. He wanted to make her feel good. He needed to make her feel good. She’d cared for him, she’d changed his diaper, she’d used his bottom and helped him, and now he could show her how much he cared for her in return. This was right. This was what he was for. Making M…m… “Yes,” Michelle gasped, back arched in ecstasy. “Use your diaper for me–show me how obedient you–” Her words trailed off as she rode into the beginnings an intense climax, but Jamie didn’t need to be prodded further. As soon as she’d said, ‘for me’, he’d strained to obey, scrunching up his face, grunting, pushing out the last dregs of his potty training to show his obedience. His bowels emptied, at first because he strained with effort, then because he could no longer stop them–his willful release turned to an uncontrollable wave, the seat of his diaper crinkling as it bulged to contain his fleeting maturity. As he felt the mush swell against his skin, packing into the diaper without a trace of control or shame, he felt an intense wave of pleasure wash down his body, and he clung to Michelle’s thighs for support. She screamed in satisfaction, and Jamie felt sheer bliss as he shuddered and groaned, forgetting himself, forgetting everything except for the ecstasy of his diaper, the comfort of Michelle’s touch, spurting at the mind-melting pleasure that came to him from his diaper. Sweaty, endorphins washing into the two of them, they collapsed into each other, exhausted in the way that only joy could bring. ... Audiobooks are a lot of work to make, and represent a huge investment of time and money - it's the kind of thing that's only really possible with a lot of community support. The kickstarter for The Baby Bet is starting to lag - I'd really like to see this this audiobook get made, and if you feel the same, please consider tossing in a contribution! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/peculiarchangeling/the-baby-bet-coming-to-audio

Chapter 104: Flash in a Pan I WAS MORE than a bit excited to see what was in store for this latest contest. I tried not to shift more in my seat, though, as I was still blushing after having realized Charlotte had pulled my skirt down to keep me modest a moment ago! ‘It’s still going to take some time to get used to wearing skirts,’ I thought. “Okay, so I need producers to come and grab a box from me over here,” he told them. Your Director of Photography should also each collect a camera now.” I watched as Will and Charlotte grabbed the box and camera and brought them over. “Okay, so many of you are struggling with the lack of budget with your special effects. Today, we want to experiment to see how creative you are. I’ve included things in your box that will let you develop creative film sequences. I want you to film three scenes where a special effect happens with those items without resorting to holographic projections or CGI.” “This is going to be hard,” I heard Mason whisper to someone. “This’ll be a lot of fun!” I found myself whispering back. “You all have an hour for this project. When you’re done, you will show the class what you came up with. The only HoloProjections you may use are for background scenery. All effects must be done through tricks of film. To ensure each group has their own unique ideas, I will raise HoloWalls between your groups until the time is up. Questions?” He smiled. Then your hour starts, now!” I turned to the table and found myself lifted by Charlotte onto the tabletop even as Sebastian started pulling out the contents. He started setting things aside one at a time. Inside was a plastic gun, a box of matches, a plastic stage knife that the blade retracted, old-fashioned fireworks fuses, four toy cars and one of their modern magnetic trains in a boxed set, two large syringes, strawberry syrup, a digital scale, chocolate syrup, an exacto knife, plastic tubing, a tub marked KClO4, two empty plastic jugs, another tub marked Al Powder, rolled paper, a tray, a package of diapers, several Big sized clothing sets, medical tape, a mini blowtorch, and some fake chains. “This stuff is just junk?” Madelyn said. “I don’t think so,” I said, “We need three effects, right?” “That’s what Professor Wyler said,” Charlotte agreed. “Okay, we have an easy squib kit here. Why don’t we do a gunshot and a stabbing wound?” I suggested. “What?” Sophie asked. I smiled, “The old-fashioned version of things like PooPloders. I’ve got that part. If Gary can help me with the costuming of a few of you, we should be able to have that done in a few minutes.” “Go for it,” Charlotte said, “We need one more though?” “How about making the train explode one of the toy cars?” Beth suggested. “How?” Ethan asked. “I don’t see explosive charges in there?” I turned towards Beth and watched her smirk. “They actually kindly left us that. Why don’t you leave the paper, the two tubs, the fuses, and the torch with me? If a couple of you can make a fake highway going across train tracks for background, get those set, and I’ll get the effect ready to go!” “Can we do this safely inside?” Charlotte asked. “Yes, it’s fine in here. You can even set off small explosives in this stage,” Ava said. I’ll help you with this part.” “Will, can you be ready to film things as we’re set?” Charlotte told him. “Done!” he said. “Okay,” Charlotte said. She divided the team up and gave me five others besides Gary and then Beth a few more. Then, she split everyone else up to get the backgrounds going before we all started getting to work! “Okay, Gary, that shirt will fit Jackson, right?” He nodded as he looked at Jackson, “Yeah, it’s a two-x; it shouldn’t be a problem, right?” Jackson shook his head, “It’ll definitely fit.” “Okay, Gary, could you cut a small hole right at heart level on his back? A little smaller than this tubing?” “Sure, I see where you’re going, Carly,” he told me. “What are you doing about the knife?” I didn’t immediately answer, instead taking the tubing and pulling it loose from its coil. To me, it felt like it was a garden hose, but I could tell it would fit onto the syringe just fine. I used the actual knife to quickly cut it in half. I set half down and then used tape to seal the end of one side. I carefully used the knife to make a knife-sized length and cut down the middle of it a little way down from the taped end. I handed that half of it to Isabella. “Isabella, can you take Madelyn here and use tape to put that end face up above her belly button? There’s a shirt here that should work on her, so we don’t have to ruin her good top. Run the tube down the back side of her right leg if it’ll reach.” “On it!” she smiled at me. “Sophie, do you think you can mix that chocolate and strawberry syrup to try and get a close color to blood?” She smiled, “Sure, I’ll happily play with the sweet stuff!” She tickled my side unexpectedly and moved to the side to fill a jug while Gary and I moved on to our work. BETH QUICKLY MOVED to the side of the table and used her phone to look up the proportions of powder she needed before using paper on the scale and starting to work. She poured some potassium percolate on first, then added the correct amount of aluminum to the mix. It was a careful and gentle process, but several minutes of using the paper to shake things back and forth across it made it seem well mixed. While she was working, Ava and a couple of other crew members assembled a miniature diorama. The scale of the cars and the train were the same, so Beth was reasonably confident that zoomed-in things should look just right! Ethan had a city background setup with a highway above the tracks, even as one of the spare cars was parked on the other side of a blocked track with a rail. One of the other cars was straddling the tracks and just about ready for its death. Beth carefully poured a good amount of the powder she had mixed onto a small metal plate they’d found in the bottom of the box and placed it underneath the car. The fuse was carefully disguised, and she timed burning at a similar length to help get things right. “Okay, I think I’m ready,” she told Will. He quickly came over and placed the camera on the dolly someone else had prepositioned. She watched him switch settings for a few minutes to ensure he had the best view. “I think we’re good,” he told her. “Great, let’s do this!” Beth smiled, even as her stomach twisted, hoping she had the proper setup ready. “Rolling!” Beth ordered Will. “Rolling!” Will said. Beth lit the fuse with the blowtorch; as she moved out of frame, she said, “Action!” Even as Ava started the train moving down the tracks… I WAS WORKING on the movements with Jackson and Harper, who would be our stuntmen for the first action scene with the squibs. I was happy with the scenery that they’d quickly set up and was just about to call for Will and the camera when I realized Beth had beat me to him. Knowing we had a time limit, I started loading the makeshift squib for the gunshot by filling the syringe and the tubing with the fake blood that Sophie had made. “Sophie, this looks way closer than anything I thought you’d be able to get from that stuff?” I mentioned to her. She smiled, “Not my first rodeo with fake blood. I have other stuff I prefer, but this definitely can work. Also works great on ice cream and pancakes, though, too!” I shook my head and laughed a bit. As I was sure we could shoot any moment, I saw a massive flash from the corner of my eye! BETH SMILED. “IT worked. Did the camera pick it up right, though?” she asked Will. “Here, watch the replay,” he said, activating a small portable projector off the camera. The whole thing seemed to move in slow motion as they watched the train approach the stopped car. They’d done an excellent job of hiding the powder and the fuse, so it seemed completely natural as the car exploded when it was impacted by the train. “Cut!” Beth said to herself after the smoke cleared, leaving a toppled train, but fortunately, no actual flames remained. “That was awesome!” Sebastian said, having come over to watch what was going on. “You are a girl of many talents!” Will said approvingly. Charlotte said, “Will, go film the next effect that Carly has ready. Beth, I have another idea… do you have more of that powder?” WILL WAS READY to film our first squib scene in record time. I watched him work on the lenses and apertures and ask for some lighting changes before Harper and Jackson were put to work. “Action!” I called. “You can’t do this!” Jackson said, holding his hands up in the air as Harper pointed the fake gun at him. “Of course I can!” Harper said. A loud bang on the table with a piece of metal happened, and Jackson turned away from Harper. He began falling face forward even as I stayed out of the frame and squirted the syringe full of fake blood. I watched it move satisfyingly out of the small hole Gary had cut from the shirt, even as I dodged under a covering to avoid getting sprayed myself! “Cut!” I said. “Check it quickly,” I told them, “I will get set up for Madelyn. Harper, can you come to be the bad guy here, too?” “Why am I always the villain?” He complained good-naturedly. “It’s not the good looks,” Sophie kidded him. “You wound me!” he said. “Did it work, Will?” I heard Sebastian ask him. “It looks good!” he said. I wish we had time to add better sound effects to these clips, but that wasn’t the assignment?” “We’ll just do the best we can,” Charlotte said. “Will, I need you over here to come film a bonus scene with me?” “We’re almost done with this setup,” Will said, “Can we just finish this first? I think it’ll save time?” Right then, I was already filling up the stabbing squib on Madelyn as the background was changing, and Harper came up with the fake knife. “So you just want me to stab, and then you’ll activate it?” He asked me. “That’s the idea,” I told him. A quick look at my watch showed we only had about fifteen minutes left. “Let’s get this done. Will, you ready?” “Just about!” He looked at Charlotte, “Get set for that bonus scene, and then we’ll move straight over there?” “Got it,” she said. “Sebastian, make sure this goes okay, then get everyone moving. We don’t have much time left, and I want any bonus funds to go to us, not them!” Sebastian laughed, “Got it, Charlee, go get over there.” I looked up from the full squib to see her sticking her tongue out at him. “Those two need to get laid already,” Madelyn smirked down at me. I rolled my eyes, “Probably?” “Quiet on the set!” Sebastian said. A second later, after cameras were rolling, he called action. After a brief worthless bit of improvised dialogue, I watched Harper stab even as I pressed the plunger down. As he pulled the knife clear, there was blood on his hands, the knife and spurting from Madelyn as she fell down holding the wound. “Die bitch!” Harper laughed maniacally and walked away. “Cut!” Sebastian called. “That seemed good! Will, move to Charlotte quickly!” “On it, boss!” I watched him rapidly push the camera on the dolly to the area beside us, even as I helped Gary and Madelyn start to clean up our mess. BETH HAD SMILED at Charlotte’s idea instantly when she’d suggested it! They’d used the chains to ‘chain’ Charlotte to the floor of what looked like an old castle dungeon. Owen was dressed as some sort of adventurer, while she’d quickly donned a pink glittery dress they’d found in their box. He was holding a small piece of paper with the powder on it, having supplies beside a stone bench that made it look like he’d scrounged and made the powder. “Rolling!” Sebastian called. “Rolling!” Will called. “Action!” Sebastian said. “This will hopefully work…” Owen said as he came to Charlotte and placed the powder inside the keyhole of a fake manacle they’d projected over the top of the same metal plate. The chain looked attached, “Move as far from there as you can reach,” he ordered her. Beth watched Charlotte scoot a few feet away as a match was lit and placed into the powder. Owen lit that match with another match, and the crew watched it burn down in real-time into the powder, going off in a brilliant display of sparks! As planned, Charlotte pulled the free length of chain from the floor and tackled Owen in a hug. “You did it! You’re my hero!” She swooned in his arms. Owen dipped her dramatically before stage-kissing her. “Cut!” Sebastian said even as Professor Wyler’s voice said, “Time’s up!” “Just in time,” Carly said beside Beth. That was really cool!” She told her and embraced her. “Now, just to see how we did!” Beth told her. IT HAD TAKEN all of the groups a half-hour to clean everything up. I was standing there helping to bend over to pick up some spilled ‘blood’ when, all of a sudden, something just didn’t feel right in my stomach. I wasn’t sure what was happening for a second before realizing what had happened. ‘Not again,’ I complained in my head. I could feel the sudden muck in the back of my diaper even, and I could also smell the disgusting poop too. I bit my tongue to avoid crying then. Gary was also helping clean up right beside me. He wrinkled his nose, looking down at me. “Need a change?” he asked me. I grimaced, “Feels like it. I can’t feel it when it’s happening, though!” He looked apologetic, “I’m sorry, that’s probably my fault more than anyone’s? I wanted us to use the nanite treatment?” I shrugged, “I knew the risks?” “Where’s your bag?” He looked at me sympathetically, “I can change you or get someone else?” I hated to wish this on Beth, but she was the only one I felt comfortable with right then. I was about to tell him to grab her when Nikki suddenly picked me up, “I’ll get this one,” she said. I tensed up, “Umm…” “I promise I won’t do anything but help you smell pretty again,” she said as she lifted me onto her hip. “Now, where’s your bag? I assume you have a change in there?” I blushed but pointed to the backpack and let my self-appointed caregiver carry me into the wardrobe room while everyone else cleaned up. I could see the classroom setting returning right then, even as other groups scrubbed. The door closed on that, though, and she soon had me back in a room, diaper exposed. She smiled at me, “You remind me of a friend of mine I grew up with,” she said as she opened the tapes to expose the mess. “Oh?” I asked nervously, blushing bright red in embarrassment. “Trudy was her name; she was a Little, too,” she added the last part softly. “She was your friend?” Nikki nodded as she began using a cleaner part of the diaper to wipe some of the mess off my butt. “Trudy and I were inseparable all the way through graduation. I was short all the way until I turned thirteen. Since she was only a few inches short of six feet, it didn’t seem quite as weird as if she was your height. In fact, I guess she was taller than me until fourth grade?” She wiped my butt right then, even as she used one hand to hold my ankles up in the air. “What happened to her?” I asked her as she tossed a second wipe away. She sighed, “On graduation day, I had a pact with her that I would adopt her to avoid some random Big getting her. Unfortunately, I hadn’t counted on the principal beating me to her.” I winced as she pressed harder with a wipe just then, “That’s terrible.” She nodded, “It was… Anyway, know that if you ever feel like you’re unsafe, you can trust me. Even if it wasn’t for Trudy, your mom was a great teacher and mentor when I worked with her as a kid.” I just nodded and was relieved as she taped on a new diaper, pulled my tights back up, and carried me back out to where everyone sat back down at the tables. Professor Wyler was walking in with three other professors, saying, “Okay, let’s go ahead and get to seeing everything. I’m using Professors Gibney, Tilling, and Anderson as our judges for this round. I’ve quickly randomized your filmed segments to be independent from each group. They’ll each be scored on a scale of one to one hundred. Let’s see who ends up winning the most points for their groups! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading!!! Please press the Like Button and leave me a comment! I will post another chapter on Sunday this week and next. After that, twice per week, chapters may have to go away, so I can maintain them at least once a week. My real-world life exploded stress-wise last week, and this week, so I'm doing my own normal insane job, plus someone else's. Sadly, I don't think that's going to get better over the next couple of months. (I'm still crossing my fingers and praying; it's due to a coworker's serious illness) Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have much more limited times of muse behaving, I'm guessing. We'll see! Lots of likes and comments do help that muse get herself back on track sometimes, though! Anyway, thanks for your support!

Lila on a family vacation This started as an English writing - training project for me. I have to give credit to the original Story “Lila’s family vacation” from Reatykeuniverse for the idea, the plot, and the beautiful name Lila that I used as a starting point. The first chapters are more like a close-bound rewrite with a lot of added sections in the middle, while the later parts just stick to the basic plot and do not have a lot in common with the original. This is the first part (apx. 6000 words) of the story that is already finished and has apx. 46000 words. While correcting takes a lot of effort for me due to my problem with reading and seeing spelling errors, it will take about two weeks to finish a chapter. So please be patient, I will try my best not to keep you waiting. Even though this is not my first story, I do a lot of writing in German, but it is my first story in English. I put a lot of effort into correcting all the grammar and spelling errors and hope there are not too many left to spoil your reading experience. I welcome any constructive feedback on my writing style, grammar and spelling, but please add as much information as possible, so I can improve. And I would also love to hear if you liked the story. If you want to know more, I just opened an intro thread in the nursery Annie's Intro ### Chapter 1 - Traveling - Discover what seemed to be lost. "Mum really, why do I have to wear diapers again?", complained Lila. "Hey honey, we are never going to force it if you don't want to," replied her mum Maria, "but you always wore them for the last years on our vacations, and it always made our trips a lot less stressful, for all of us?” She struggled with her decision while her mum placed the bag on her bed. This bag was clearly designed to appeal to a nurse in a retirement home and did not charm the little girl into the decision to wear them on the trip. As Lila stared at the colorful sheets of her bed, she felt the conflict in her. She was not eager to wear anything other than her panties. And all of her classmates in school would surely throw such a big tantrum that her parents would not dare to mention these diapers ever again. On the other hand, her mum was right, she wet the bed at least sometimes, and for some seconds she remembered how this unusual habit started for the now teenage girl. Whenever her parents could get some days off work, the family went on a trip together, and her mum used to put her girl in pull-ups just before they were leaving. All this started when Lila had a wetting accident when the family was on a city trip to Berlin when she was seven. It was the first year when she finally managed to stay dry during the day and at the packed museum, the line to the toilet was way too long for the young girl to hold it. Lila was in tears and did not want to leave the bathroom anymore, and her mum needed all her mummy magic to cheer the little girl up and get her ready for the rest of her day. To protect her from embarrassing accidents and to make it easier for her child, Lila, and her parents decided to keep her in the pull-ups she still wore for bed-wetting just in case during the day for the rest of the city trip. This worked so well that from there onwards, it became a secret family tradition for the little girl to be in pull-ups whenever they went on a vacation. In all those years, Lila didn't mind wearing pull-ups on occasions like this. She still wore them to bed at night, and wearing them on vacations during the day gave her back some kind of security. She even peed in them when she did not want to rush to the next restroom or was on the road. But now she is thirteen! Nearly a grownup woman in her eyes. And to her dismay, her mum got her tape diapers designed for a senile granny, instead of the slightly embarrassing but at least funny-looking pull-ups. Furthermore, she could slide down these bed-wetter's pants easily on her own when she headed to the bathroom. Lila had indeed outgrown her pull-ups, they did not fit her properly and on the rare occasions she wet the bed they hardly prevented the wet stains on the sheets. So the last time she'd worn them on a trip, her mom had decided to switch to diapers when she was not sleeping on her well-protected bed at home. While she still stared at the bag, Lila was obviously hesitant to wear ugly full-tape diapers, especially at her age. But after recalling her last wet night which was not even one week ago and that she probably would sleep on the plane, she ultimately decided to go with the diapers, just to be safe. "Fine..." she gave in, still trying to look serious, "But this is the last time I swear, and it will be just for the flights and when I sleep!" "You are such a responsible girl.", Maria praised her daughter, leaving her confused about what could be responsible in using diapers. "Please lie down, honey. So we get your diaper on you." Still, in her thoughts, Lila was obeying Mom's instructions sheepishly, took off her skirt and underwear, and laid herself on the soft bed while she noticed the crinkling of her mattress protector as she squirmed and twisted. "Can you put your bottoms up, please." her Mom patiently asked, not wanting to embarrass her girl more than necessary by just lifting her legs with her arms. And she unfolded a plain white fabric and laid it under her daughter's bum. Lila was weirdly feeling comfortable as she put some cream and powder on her before she taped the diaper in place and adjusted the leak guards. "We're all done, and you are ready for your vacation!" Her mum smiled at her. "Do you want to check that you have everything, we have to leave in fifteen minutes." ### Lila was in her thoughts for most of their trip to the airport. And when they arrived, Mum even needed to hold her hand because she was still daydreaming. However she looked at it, the diaper that she wore did not feel uncomfortable. She even liked the soft material that hugged her and that was wiping away all her worries. With the ease of her mind, she dreamed about all her past vacations where she was young and free. In retrospect, she had a really great childhood. Her parents were always there for Lila, and one of the reasons why she did not mind wearing her Pull-Ups in the past was that her parents did not make a big thing out of it when she had a small uppsie accident in them. After the family got their baggage checked in, they still had time to spare before heading for the gate, so they sat on one of the benches to wait and relax. Lila was exhausted from walking through the endless corridors and for a brief moment wanted to sit on her mom's lap as she did countless times in the past, but instead, she sat next to her, suddenly feeling her need to pee. "Mom," she secretly whispered, mindful that they were in a crowded airport, "I need to pee really urgently." “Oh, right now, can't you hold in any longer?” she replied searching for a bathroom while only seeing a corridor packed with endless shops offering their expensive and often useless duty-free stuff. As a young preteen child, Lila didn't mind using her pull-ups, especially when there was no clean bathroom nearby. She leaned on Mum's side, trying to get comfortable with all the people around. “This was much easier on our last trip”, she commented with a sigh. At the same time, she was getting ready to accept her daughter's wish to head to the bathroom whenever possible. “No mummy, I don't want to, my feet are hurting!”, Lila confessed. Wishing she had not protested against her parent's request for her to be diapered and unaware that her mum now could easily read the trouble of her little girl's mind like an open book "You know, I don't mind if you use your diaper, honey. I am sure it will hold up fine.", her mom carefully suggested, while at the same time easing her girl with her hand. For some seconds, Lila thought about that option out of her dilemma. Her parents put her in actual diapers, and that is what they are for, aren't they? Vaguely, she remembered the moon and the stars that promised a dry night on the package. It would soak up everything, she assured herself, while on the other hand remembering the good old days when she just peed in the pull-ups whenever she had to go. Once, she nearly let her mum talk her into going poopy, because they were in a subway with no bathrooms available. On that occasion, she finally made it to a stinky metro bathroom, and she also remembered that she wished she had any other option as it was so gross and dirty. However, this was completely different in her eyes. She just wet the bed in her sleep and the toilet was surely just a short distance away and perhaps most importantly, even when she was small for her age she was a teeny now. Her mum noticed the still ongoing fight in her girl's mind. “Don't worry, little one. Just go pee if you need to, that is what you wear them for. And it will be our secret, I promise”, she heard her mother, laying her arm on her daughter's shoulder. Was it really so strange for her to wet her diaper, she questioned her belief. Her mum just had given Lila permission to use it when she needed to pee. And the diaper felt so soft and comfy, it could not be that bad, could it? First slightly squirming, Lila tried to release the pressure on her bladder, but it was quite difficult to do so deliberately, especially sitting on a bench in a crowded airport. This time she obviously pushed, pressing her eyes together as she slowly was able to squeeze out a few drops. “It is quite hard if you are not used to it, do you want to sit with me, it makes it easier.”, her mum promised. Lila switched over to the welcoming lap, suddenly noticing the difference. Without the hard surface she was sitting on, the next push gradually grew into a steady flow, making her crotch warm and squishy for a second. She hardly could stop peeing until her need was gone, and she felt dry and comfy again. Mom had taken notice of the growing warmth on her lap and had figured out what was happening. "Are you done wetting?" she asked with a motherly smile. Still a little embarrassed but glad she had the urgent need off her mind, Lila nodded in response. "The shop assistant assured me, it will keep you dry even if you have to go pee another time. But are you still feeling comfy and dry?" asked her worried Mom as discreetly as possible. For a second she forgot she was in public, squeezing her thighs together and checking the now not-too-obvious bulge between her legs. Not bad she had to admit, it was warm and still soft but not wet as her old pull-up would have been. "I'm good.", said Lila as she decided to not switch back to her own seat and was slightly thankful that her mum talked her into wearing a diaper again. Actually, Lila thought the warm feeling of her wet diaper was quite pleasant. She could tell that she had peed quite a bit into her babyish underwear, but these diapers were more absorbent than her old bed-wetters pants, and they could definitely hold a lot more. Maybe she was hesitant when arguing that she did not need the diapers on the trip. And she had to admit that wetting herself was still a big stress relief for her on this busy transit through the airports. As the minutes passed, their flight was announced over the speakers and Lila's family made their way to the crowded boarding gate. “You should finish your bottle”, her dad reminded her about the half a liter of sparkling water in her hands. Lila took a sip, as she noticed she had to pee again. I am already wet, she thought and as she only pushed a little, she was surprised how easily she started wetting. “Lila, we better change your diaper before we board the plane, don't we honey?”, suggested her Mom, as she spotted a toilet with a baby changing symbol added to the women’s bathroom. “You know, having to change your diaper on the plane would be a nightmare and very obvious.” Without trusting her diaper too much, she agreed with Mom that a change in the plane would be better avoided. After placing their bags with Dad, Mom took Lila to the toilet. There was a changing table, but it was just made to change a baby, and it was way too small to accommodate Lila. But upmost importantly, it would have been incredibly embarrassing for the small but still teenage girl, so instead they headed to one of the empty stalls together. Her Mom shut the door, “Can you lift your skirt for me, please.” Lila shyly raised her skirt, revealing the yellow-tainted diaper. “It was a good decision we switched you to diapers”, explained Mom, as she removed the tapes, letting the sodden diaper suddenly fall on the floor with a ‘plop’. “Your pull-ups would have been leaking long ago”, she concluded. “Now, do you still need to go potty?” Yes, Lila did feel a very light need to go, but using her diaper was not as bad as she thought, and she slowly began to regret that she was so determined to not use them on the trip. At least she could be using them on the flight and avoid the smelly dirty places they surely used as toilets here as well, she was making her decision. “No, I’m fine, Mom.”, Lila replied as she remembered how disgusting the toilets in public always were. “Sure honey.”, her mum smiled again. She cleaned her darling with a couple of quick wipes, unfolded the fresh diaper, and taped it on her daughter as if she never stopped doing it. Lila let go of her skirt and enjoyed the dryness of her underwear for a second. A wet diaper did not feel uncomfortable at all, but the feeling of a fresh and clean one felt pretty nice as well. “Let's go on a vacation” her Mom cheered, as she rolled up her sodden diaper, throwing it in the bin. While Lila was in a daydream about what just happened, she stepped out of the stall and followed her Mom. ### “Honey, good morning, we have just landed.” whispered her Mom as she gently kissed Lila awake. Opening her eyes, the girl slowly began to sit upright, rubbing all the sleepiness out of her face while stretching her legs. Yes, it was a good flight, she loved the thrill of takeoff and enjoyed the view over the clouds while she was taking advantage of the drinks and snacks they delivered. Eventually, all her adventures of the day caught up with the young girl, and she had fallen asleep with a smile for the rest of her flight. Now, as she stretched and wanted to get up, she noticed the slightly damp and warm feeling in her crotch. She indeed used her diapers two times on the transit when she had to go, and she was glad that Mum had not said a word about the not-too-small amount of soda that she downed. Feeling awake and ready to explore now, Lila glanced around the plane, noticing that most of the passengers had already disembarked and were on their way to the luggage claim. She did not want to wait any longer, as her dad was busy getting their bags from the overhead compartment. And in a moment her daughter was up on her feed waiting for her day bag and ready to start their vacation. As she was on her feet, she noticed her soaked diaper sag a little and the bulge between her legs was quite visible now if you knew it was there. She checked the back of her skirt for leaks and surely was relieved that everything still was dry For a second she wondered, whenever she had used her pull-ups it never felt this heavy. But this diaper had kept her dry and could handle a lot more than her old bed-wetters pants. As they followed all the signs to the baggage claim, Lila's belly started to feel uncomfortable, and she eventually had to go to the bathroom soon. Seeing that her parents were in a bit of a rush, she paid no mind to the ache and focused on keeping up with their pace. After arriving at the baggage claim, Lila went to grab a trolley while Mom and Dad waited at the conveyor belt for their bags. She pushed the trolley forward and joyfully jumped while rolling with it for some meters when she noticed the need to go suddenly coming back. But her parents looked so busy in the hustle and bustle of the airport, and she did not dare to raise her voice. Obviously, her only option was to tell Mom to take her diaper off for her to go to the restroom. But as she thought about that stinky room, she got a slight feeling of nausea in her throat. Actually peeing in the diapers saved her from this unpleasant experience on the transit through the airports. And now that she realized that this need would not be solved in such a quick but also childish and embarrassing manner, the worries that were so distant returned. Her mum sometimes offered her to just go when she was at the edge of having an accident and even if that was some years ago, she had to admit that her current underwear was made with that kind of accident in mind. And she even wore full tape-on diapers and was not in pull-ups now. Little kids and Babies do that all the time, don't they? She even remembered the adults talking about kids on the edge of potty training, just putting a diaper on when they needed to poop. It cannot be that uncomfortable. She was wondering what it would be like to go poopy in her diaper. And while the idea settled into her mind, she even got a little curious about how it would feel. Suddenly the need to go returned. Lila was sure she would not be able to hold back much longer as she squirmed and wiggled, hoping her need just would go away. “Lila, you look so worried. What's up?” she suddenly approached her little girl who was obviously feeling uncomfortable. “I... I am fine. It is just I may need to go to the bathroom a little longer really soon.”, she admitted sheepishly. “I can go to the toilet with you after we get our bags, in about five minutes, can you still wait for so long?” she explained, not realizing that her girl was on the edge of losing the battle against her belly. Lila put her hand on her tummy and felt the growing need to go now. Slowly shaking her head, she looked at her as she always did when she desperately wanted her help. “Can’t you come with me, so we can go now.”, she asked shyly, not willing to let her mum go and signaling that she might not be able to go on her own. “No baby, Bernhard needs my help, we cannot leave right now. ... So if you really need to go so urgently, I wouldn’t mind you using your diaper for poop as well. It's just a short trip to our hotel and I can change you when we get there easily.”, she told her and stroked her back as she always did when she was uncomfortable or stressed. Her mum just suggested that she should poop in her ‘just in case’ diaper. This was so embarrassing was her first thought, but after some moments she realized it would finally take the ache from her. And while everyone else would have ditched the proposal, for Lila it calmed her dilemma and even made her a little curious. Peeing in the diaper was such a relief, so pooping herself could not be so bad after all? She assumed in her mind. She smiled in Lila's face. “I really don't mind if you need to. You don't have to fight that hard.”, she tried to ease away the little girl's resistance. Maybe using it was the best option for her. As embarrassing as it was to admit, the thought of doing that with her mum’s consent made her feel loved and protected as if nothing could harm her. So Lila started wondering what it would feel like to actually do the other thing as well. With a sigh, Lila decided she wanted to try it, at least once. And this time she had a good excuse. Her parents had no time to accompany her, and she would not dare to go into the toilet alone, which could potentially be gross, dirty, and scary with all the unfamiliar people around. Even the idea of facing all the looks of strangers, the smells and flushing sounds without someone she knew close made her confident about her decision. “I think I'll use my ... you know, Mommy.”, Lila whispered, embarrassed and felt like a loved little girl while her mommy protected her. “It's ok you will feel much better”, she heard her say as Mom smiled and nodded, and joined Dad at the conveyor belt, leaving Lila some meters away waiting with their trolley. Lila tried to let it go, like she did when she needed to pee on the plane. But the ache in her belly just intensified further, and she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. After all, pooping herself was a lot more … involving than peeing. As she looked up again, she noticed all the adults were just staring where their luggage would appear. Surely no one would pay any attention to her, except for mum and dad of course. With that in mind, Lila leaned a little bit forward, resting some of her weight on the trolley. She relaxed her hold on her bowels and gave another slight push. A small trickle of pee released first before a tiny bit of her mess began making its way out. It cannot be that hard, Lila wondered, as she saw a little baby boy standing with his legs slightly apart, clearly doing his business in his pants. He does not care at all that he was messing his diaper. She felt the pressure in her belly coming back and also slightly spread her legs apart as she started to push. This time there wasn’t resistance in her tummy. Lila could feel the warmth quickly spreading as sticky poop squished against her bum. In relief, she exhaled and felt the load settle itself at the back of her diaper. Lila felt her belly relaxing a little. She now just wanted to feel comfortable again and all this nasty stuff out of her tummy. Once again she pushed a little harder, this time, and a few seconds later she was confident she had gotten everything out, while she realized that the feeling of pooping herself was much different from just wetting. While the diaper would quickly absorb all her pee, the poop had instead formed a slightly warm mess at the back of her diaper. However, she felt that it was actually quite pleasant and didn't feel bad at all. And it’s at least much better than having to use an icky, stinky restroom. Lila assured herself. She shook herself and pretended to smooth out the back of her skirt, carefully placing her hand on the diaper to make sure it was not too obvious as she was still in public. And she noticed the diaper was heavier now, and the sag kept most of her firm mess away from the childlike-looking girl's skin. For a second she smelled a faint lingering odor of poop. But she looked old enough that no one would expect it to be her who is poopy. Lila raised her head and saw her Mum looking over at her while she was still standing here doing her business as the little baby boy did just some moments ago. She noticed the kind smile on mummy's face as she turned back, helping dad take a heavy bag off. Mum knows, flashed to her mind as she wanted to be back with her parents. Lila slowly walked towards the conveyor belt to join them again. Somehow she wanted to tell them that she was messy, but it was much too embarrassing and babyish for her to admit. What will my daddy think of me just going in my diaper for that as well? The slight scent, however, told her parents anyway as she was approaching them. As Bernhard had picked up all their bags he sniffed and, with a knowing gaze, took Lila by her hand as he had not done for some years. “Let's get our car and finally head to the hotel.”, he said, willingly ignoring what his child just did and as if he was telling her everything was ok Lila was glad she was not alone anymore. She followed Dad and also stayed close to him while they were standing in the car rental pickup line. Standing in line, her mom decided that it was a good time to do a quick diaper check. She tried to pull on Lila's back of her pants, when her daughter quickly turned away and leaned closer to dad “Mom!” she exclaimed, “people are going to see!” “Don’t worry, no one’s going to think badly of you. And I just have to make sure that your diaper was holding up after your accident. You don't want to have a messy leak in the rental car after all. So do you let me check your diaper?” replied Mom with a loving smile while she did not even bother to lower her voice. “Mum ... !“, Lila tried to make a futile argument, while her dad just looked her in the eyes. “Really baby. No one knows you here, so it’s okay you don't need to feel ashamed about accidents while using diapers for traveling.” he underlined Mum's argument. The girl was really embarrassed now and hid her face in her dad's shirt. Lila felt loved, and she trusted her parents, but at the same time, she felt like a small toddler being checked for a messy accident. “I will have a short look.", her mum announced once more. Lila just moved her head in approval, while she felt her mum touch her bum and felt a tiny pull at her waistband and the back of her diaper. “You will be fine for now.”, she announced after a second. Getting her diaper checked by Mom was embarrassing, not only because they were in public, but also because it was their parent’s proof that she had indeed messed herself. Oh well, thought Lila. Her parents had surely smelled it already, and they would see it when she was in the hotel room. Dad hurried away with the clerk from the rental company and got over to the pick-up point. The mother and daughter couple patiently waited outside, where the company put some benches for all the waiting customers. With all the arriving passengers, nearly all seats were taken, and her mum just got the last free spot. “Do you like to sit on my lap again?”, she offered her girl, as she knew her feet were hurting after the long day of traveling. “But I have just...”, Lila stumbled as discreetly as she could, while at the same time she could not confess that she had a messy load in her diaper. “I am your mum, I don't mind your little skunky bum, and I have seen and changed you a lot in the past years”, she calmed her down, while not even confirming that this accident was a one-time ever event for her childlike small but already teenage daughter. Lila slowly sat on her mom's lap, while the strange feeling of the soft mess now spread all over her boom, confused her senses and created the strong childish need to cuddle with her mum. As her mum wrapped her loving arms around her, she no longer could stand being the independent teeny anymore but hid her face on mum's shoulder, ignoring what she might look like. Feeling her body so close and being loved by her mum was all she needed to leave her grumpy teenage thoughts behind. “Hi, you sleepy head, you have a really comfortable seat don't you”, her dad greeted her daughter as he arrived with their rental car and took their heavy luggage into the trunk. “Yes Daddy”, she cheered, not yet ready to let Mum go. “Lila is so sweet and affectionate today.”, her mother responded. “Do you want to cuddle your daddy too?”, the man offered his darling a chance to leave her mom's lap. She hugged him, still experiencing the irresistible childlike love for her parents. As if her dad had been on a week-long business trip, she now was clamping on him, even not letting him go as he lifted her up as a little girl. “We had a small issue with the car arrangement.”, the strong man on her shoulder, told his wife. “They did not have a booster for our Lila. The only possibility was the safer but more expensive child seat option for younger ones, but at least they did not charge us extra.” Feeling so much love from him, the girl could not protest, but she still didn't want it to be too childish. “What kind of child seat?”, she found the courage to ask, interrupting her parent's discussion. “Oh, it is a nice one in a purplish red color”, he advertised. Without dropping his girl to the ground, he took her over to the backseats of the car, opening the door and revealing a full-sized seat that even had shoulder straps as a seat for a rally driver. First, she wanted to protest that she was not a baby, but then the love from her parents and the comfortable hug lulled her into thinking twice about it. Wasn't her diaper the same thing, something childish, that could actually feel nice and comfortable? “Oh I am sure you are in for trouble”, his wife commented on the seat that her husband had chosen, remembering all the discussions she had with her daughter in the past weeks. Lila did not want to be a grumpy vacation Grinch, and maybe she also wanted to show her mum that she was wrong. “It is ok, at least we will have one, and we can enjoy our time here.” Her teenage side enjoyed the surprised feeling on her mum's face. “I think our big girl is not as grumpy and cranky as you think. Can I let you down to try it? It may be a little difficult with the buckles.” “But Daddy, I still want to cuddle with you.”, she confessed that the child in her was back in command. Slightly caught off guard, he whispered, “Do you mind if I tuck you in?”, he suggested, remembering the countless times that he placed his sleepy or sad daughter in the back of their car. “Yes Daddy” she mumbled while the only important thing was that he did not let her down on the hot and hard street. With some well-trained moves, he opened the door and let her slip on the seat. Without thinking, she put her hands in the shoulder straps and let him close the buckle with a click. Lila wiggled a little And while she noticed the lack of space to move, she somehow also felt comfortable. She liked the soft fabric and the small pillow that was there for her head. “I like it”, she confirmed again. And as the adults smiled a little, she added, “Just don't make me use it at home when my classmates see me. Ok?” The two adults, who were still astonished by the change in her teenage girl’s temper, got in at the front. With the push of a button, they opened the window a bit to let in the fresh summer vibes and to keep Lila's poopy smell at bay that still kind of lingered around her. As the drive was getting boring, she had time to think about all the things that changed while they left their city apartment. Most of all was that she, despite all her doubts, actually liked her diapers and the freedom she had to pee or even poop whenever she needed. But there was also the trust and love for her parents that was crowing again, as if her puberty had never sent the first confusing ideas in her mind. Making her more cranky than she actually wanted to be. ### Excited about the new place, Lila jumped on the queen-size bed in their hotel room. Her parents had just checked themselves in at the reception, and the young girl could not wait to explore everything the place had to offer. There were so many nice things she could think about that she nearly forgot about her messy diaper, that she still wore under her slightly childlike shorts. Mom had started unpacking all their bags, while her Dad headed down to the lobby, surely parking their car in the hotel's parking garage. As the last empty bag was packed away, her Mom looked at her girl. Lila was lying on the bed, checking out the kid's channels on TV while thinking about the hotel pool and the waterslides that they had here. The last things that Mom left on the bed were Lila's old travel changing mat and a fresh pack of wipes. “Honey, come, let us get that poopy diaper of yours changed.” Mom announced as she placed the mat and her wipes next to her on the bed. “Can you lift your tushie for a moment, baby?” “I am not a baby” she insisted, ignoring the obvious smell and still letting her mum slide the changing pad up under her back. Then she raised her skirt over her belly. With her hand, she signaled her girl, that she could lie back down Lila could feel the soft but water-impermeable layer around her changing area and noticed that she was indeed acting as if she was a baby girl. And while noticing that, she became a lot more self-conscious about the embarrassing thing she did. “Mom you know, I think I have to clean that up by myself.” offered Lila embarrassed, and at the same time she simply wanted to vanish into thin air. But still, she trusted her mum that she would not leave her alone with all the mess she had in her diaper. Maria placed her hand on her kid's belly, “I will do that, honey. I promised that when I told you to go poopy.” replied Mom. “Besides, when you were a baby, I’ve changed your poopy diapers a ton of times, and I really don't mind doing it again today.” Lila relaxed as she heard that, she relented in relief and slowly spread her legs, making it at least as easy as possible for her Mom. “Oh, this diaper is full.” giggled Mom as she opened the tapes, revealing the mess on her booty. “I am sorry. Your mummy should have changed your way earlier. This must have been very uncomfortable.” “It was not that bad, Mom, I nearly forgot about that after some moments.”, replied Lila honestly. “You know actually ...“, she continued, before her embarrassment suddenly stopped her. “Actually, ...?” continued her Mom, as she softly began wiping down Lila’s messy tushie. “It’s just… I don't know, it made the trip much easier for me and I kind of liked it a little, I guess…” stumbled Lila. “And I really hate to go to the smelly bathrooms. In my diapers I felt so loved and protected as if I am still your little child.”, she confessed. “You are always my child and I love you.”, she told Lila and Mom continued wiping in silence as the young girl enjoyed the feeling of the cold, soothing wipe gently rubbing against her skin while being so close to her mum. As Maria rolled up the dirty diaper, she kissed her belly. “You are all clean now.” exclaimed her mom, waiting for a second to see if she would stand up to get her panties on. But as the moments passed, it was clear that there was more Lila wanted from her. And with a sarcastically strict voice, she said, “Now, we have something to discuss, my little one. You know, I used to insist that you wear pull-ups in the past because I didn’t want you stressing about having an accident, especially since you wet the bed pretty often.” She paused for a second to see Lila’s reaction and when there was no sign of refusal she continued, “Today I promised you that you could switch back to wearing undies this year. But, you had accidents in them a lot today, and you told me you also liked the security and comfort that they gave you. So I thought we might as well keep you in diapers like what we’ve always done, or do you really want to switch back to underwear right now and just wear them as bed-wetting briefs at night?” Mom’s question surprised Lila. She did enjoy her diapers a little on the trip, and she just told her that it was comfy and made her feel protected and small. She now regretted her strong refusal. And while her pride as a teenager was on the line, she truthfully did want to be diapered again. “Do you mind if I choose the diapers?”, confessed Lila with her face red like a tomato... “Of course not, my girl. I think those will give you a much more relaxed vacation if you don't have to worry about bed-wetting when you are tired.”, said Mom, who then went to grab some fresh diapers and powder from the closet. “But how can I go to the bathroom and pee when I wear them, I mean they are real diapers and not just pull-ups” the girl wondered as she felt the soft fabric under her bum. “Oh.” Her mum replied, “I really don't mind you using them when you need to go, and if we have a toilet close by you just come with me and I help you to get to the potty” Gently, she fluffed up another plain white diaper, placed it under her booty, and sprinkled a little bit of powder. After checking the alignment was right and nothing was too tight, she taped the diaper in place and carefully adjusted the leak guards, as Lila rolled over at her belly and giggled. “You are done, baby”, she said as she gave the diaper a gentle pat “Could you tell me when you need a change.” her mum reminded her of their mutual agreement that they had on their previous trips. “Okay.” nodded Lila. The little girl somehow was conflicted. Wearing a diaper, wetting and pooping in it was surely supposed to have been so shameful. Especially for a young woman her age, but at the same time, she didn’t mind the strange feeling at all. And getting her diaper changed by her mom was supposed to be extremely embarrassing at thirteen. But for her, it was different. It felt somewhat nice. She felt like a loved child and enjoyed the childish affection and trust, she experienced while returning into this nearly lost stage of their mummy-daughter relationship.

Thank you! I've written quite a few Sam stories (and more to come!) and although the situation is always different Sam is always the same (or at least very similar). She is always defensive about her size, usually she has to be forced into babyhood, it's been interesting to write a story where no one is really forcing her to be a baby. You could argue the Midforest employee did a little bit but she needed a little push in that direction I will say the next Sam story is a sequel to a previous one ("Sam's Flight to Babyhood") that I think will also have a unique take on the character. I'm hoping that will be ready to start being posted once this one is finished

I'm glad to hear that! It's a very slow build up to what I know y'all are here for, so I'm very glad to hear it's not too slow. Speaking of what y'all have been waiting for.... Chapter Eighteen Ms. Akiyama awoke early that Friday morning and paced between the kitchen and living room, anxiously waiting to see what morning would bring. Emma had said it would likely take a few days, but she had said it was possible that it might happen the first night, especially given Rei’s history of wetting the bed. Ms. Akiyama almost hoped it would the first night. She was anxious about the whole thing, and the sooner it started, the better. The sooner she knew how Rei would react, the sooner she could stop worrying about it. And she was definitely anxious about Rei’s reaction. Emma had reassured Ms. Akiyama that as long as she played her part, Rei would never be the wiser, but Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but worry. She had known plenty of parents who had used behavioral therapy on their daughters, but, to her knowledge, none had gone to these lengths. Of course, as Emma had said, Rei was a tough case. Of course, on the other hand, Ms. Akiyama wasn’t sure she was prepared to deal with Rei’s reaction, especially if she reacted poorly. So, it was with a mix of relief and impatience that Ms. Akiyama greeted Rei that morning as the latter walked down the stairs in the same pajamas she had worn to bed the night before. Competely dry, of course. Before long, Ms. Akiyama was seeing her daughter out the day for her day at school. Then, it was time for her to get to work. With the rise of regressive behavioral therapy as a mainstream practice, more and more mothers across the country found themselves suddenly in need of, so to speak, maternity leave. While some of the more liberal supporters of the Hayes Act had argued for stipends to help mothers who needed to leave the workforce to care for their daughters, ultimately the conservatives won that issue, and instead many work places were forced to offer work-at-home options for women so they could do it all. Strictly speaking, Ms. Akiyama didn’t the extra time at home to care for her daughter—at least, she hadn’t at the time, and she still hoped things wouldn’t go that far—but she had still taken advantage of these work-from-home options. So, Ms. Akiyama, having seen Rei off, retired to the her office, which doubled as a guest room, and logged onto her computer for her day of work. It was a slow day at work, and when a couple hours into her day the name “Heather Eckridge” showed up across the screen of her cell phone, she was happy for the distraction. “Hi, Heather,” Ms. Akiyama answered. “Hi, hun, not catching you at a bad time, am I?” “Not all,” Ms. Akiyama lightly laughed, “it’s a slow day at work, I’ve got plenty of time to talk.” “Oh, hun, same here! And I was just sitting and started thinking about you and thought I’d call and ask if you had made an appointment at Brighter Days yet?” “Oh, actually…” Ms. Akiyama proceeded to fill Heather in on the happenings of the last few days. “If I’m being honest,” she concluded, “I’m still a bit nervous about the whole thing. I mean, they said Rei won’t have a clue, but I’m just not sure…she’s so smart and perceptive, I can’t imagine a little hypnosis fooling her.” Heather made a sympathetic sound, “I thought the same thing about Megan, but I don’t think things would have gone as smoothly as they did without it. And I’ve talked to other moms who used it, and they all swear by it!” “Well, I guess we will see, won’t we?” “For what it’s worth, darling, I think you’re doing the right thing by Rei. She always was too smart for her own good, and it sounds like nothing has changed on that front. Of course, Megan was always the same, that’s why I made sure I nipped it in the bud with her early.” Ms. Akiyama sighed, “Maybe I should have done this sooner.” “Don’t be hard on yourself; I don’t think it ever would have been easy with Rei. She’s always been so…headstrong.” Ms. Akiyama laughed, “that she has,” then sighed, “how was it with Megan? Did you have trouble with her?” “Honestly? Very little. She was definitely resistant at first, angry even, but with a little help and strategic planning from Brighter Days, she was practically back in diapers before I knew it.” “That’s…wow, I’m a little surprised.” Ms. Akiyama could practically hear Heather shrug through the phone, “well, that was when I knew for certain there really was something to this and that I had done the right thing. And so are you.” “I certainly hope so,” Ms. Akiyama sighed, “I just feel so powerless to protect her when she’s off at that college learning who knows what and hanging out with God knows what kind of bad influences.” “Darling, I do not understand why you let her go there, especially if you are so worried about it!” “Rei loves her education; I’d just hate to take it away from her. I mean, I know that sounds absurd, I’ll make her a bedwetter but I won’t take her out of college, but I just…I’ve always been so proud of how much Rei loved school, and it would break my heart for her to lose that love.” “Then send her to an extended high school program! Megan loves hers!” Ms. Akiyama paused, briefly caught off guard, “Megan goes to…a high school program?” “Absolutely! You sound surprised.” “Well, no offense, I just figured Megan more for an elementary program, maybe even a preschool.” Heather laughed, “Megan lives like a toddler in a lot of ways, but she’s still smart as a whip. Unfortunately,” Heather’s voice took on a serious tone, “she does get picked on a little bit. She’s far from the only girl in her high school who wears diapers, but she’s definitely not as mature as most of her peers. Still, it’s what makes her happy.” “Huh,” Ms. Akiyama was genuinely at a loss for words. “Well, as long as she’s happy.” “You know, Megan could use a friend at high school, and Rei might be more open to the idea of a high school program if she already had a friend there…” Ms. Akiyama rolled that around in her head for a moment, “you might have a point there,” she said at last. “And Megan was asking about Rei the other day…” “Mm, maybe we should schedule a play date for the girls for this weekend,” Ms. Akiyama suggested with a smile. “This weekend doesn’t work for us,” Heather replied, “but, besides, call it a hunch, but I think Rei will be more open to the suggestion once she’s started wetting the bed. So, maybe sometime next week after school?” “Perfect.” With that, the two cemented their plans for the next week, exchanged some pleasantries, then mutually agreed they should both probably go back to focusing on work, regardless of how slow it was. Ms. Akiyama went through the rest of her day feeling pretty good about her plans for Rei. She was still nervous, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, maybe Rei would take to it just as naturally as Megan had. And maybe, if she could rekindle that friendship, Rei would be more willing to go to an extended high school program. Not to mention, with Megan as her friend again, Ms. Akiyama could stop worrying so much about the company Rei was keeping. That evening, Ms. Akiyama dutifully mixed Rei’s new medication in with the mound of mashed potatoes on the girl’s plate, then called her down to dinner like she did every night. Rei ate the potatoes without comment or hint of suspicion, yet come Saturday morning, she was still dry. Undaunted, Ms. Akiyama went about her Saturday. A little bit of light housework in the morning, followed by some errands (she invited Rei along, but her daughter cited being under a pile of homework to stay home), and then back home. She spent the first half of her afternoon holed up in her office, reading parenting blogs and articles about other moms’ experiences with behavioral therapy, and the second half splayed out on the couch, reading the latest Stephanie Queen novel. As dinnertime approached, Ms. Akiyama found herself knocking on her daughter’s door. Without waiting for a reply, she cracked the door open and stuck her head in. Rei was at her desk, a word document open on the screen of her computer and two books laying open on her desk. “You’ve been working all day?” Ms. Akiyama asked. Rei swiveled around in her chair to look back at her mother, “yeah, I’ve got an essay due this week.” “I worry about you working too hard,” Ms. Akiyama opened the door the rest of the way and stepped into the doorframe, “you’re going to stress yourself out. That’s not good for girls your age, it’s not good for your brain development,” that, at least, was what she had this afternoon. Rei frowned, “Mom, that’s not true—” Ms. Akiyama raised her hand to silence her daughter, “I don’t want to hear it, Rei, I know what’s best for you.” Rei felt her cheeks heat up at the memory of where it had led last time she had argued against that. She felt her anger rise a bit, too, but not enough to overcome the shame. She just nodded and held her mouth closed. “So,” Ms. Akiyama continued once she was sure Rei wasn’t going to protest, “I think you should take a break, okay?” “But, Mom, I need to finish this essay…” “When is it due?” “Wednesday.” “And how far along are you?” “I have,” Rei looked back at her screen, “700 words written.” “And how many do you need?” “A thousand.” “Oh, well, then you’re almost done! You can easily finish that essay tomorrow, can’t you?” “I…I guess…I just would really like to get it done tonight.” Ms. Akiyama sighed, she really was proud of how studious her daughter was, she just regretted Rei no longer lived in a world where that would lead to happiness for her. And, besides, most parents seemed to agree their daughters were much healthier and happier when they weren’t so stressed. Of course, Ms. Akiyama had an ulterior motive here. So much of what she had read earlier that day had stressed the importance of mother/daughter bonding during regressive behavioral therapy. After all, part of the reason this kind of therapy was so effective is that is taught daughters to be more reliant on their mothers and give up some control to them, that could only happen with sufficient bonding. So, Ms. Akiyama was determined to try to engage in more bonding time with her daughter. Thankfully, this could also serve the purpose of keeping Rei from unhealthy habits like studying all day. “I’ll tell you what,” Ms. Akiyama said, deciding negotiation might be the best way to go here, “why don’t I order us a pizza, and you can keep on working until the pizza gets here, okay? But, once it gets here, you put the essay away for the night, and come downstairs and watch a movie with me, okay? I’ll even let you pick the movie.” Rei gave her mother a genuine if slight smile, seemed to consider the offer for a moment, then finally spoke, “Can we order from Lucia’s?” “Of course.” “Focaccia bread crust?” “Absolutely.” “Extra pepperoni and jalapenos?” “If that’s what you want.” “…gelato?” Ms. Akiyama laughed, “of course, can’t order from Lucia’s without getting some gelato.” “And I pick the movie?” “Yes, of course, any other demands?” “Soda.” Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but chuckle at that one: she had stopped keeping soda in the house when Rei was around ten and the doctor’s suggested she stop giving Rei soda to help her with her wetting problems and had never picked the habit back up after Rei’s problems had cleared up, keeping soda an occasional treat at the Akiyama house. “You got it,” Ms. Akiyama nodded, “we got a deal?” Rei nodded, “yeah, okay, deal.” Roughly fourty-five minutes later, the pair found themselves huddled under a blanket on the couch, eating pizza, and watching a new horror movie Rei had been looking forward to. Rei chugged her first glass of soda, laced, of course, with her new medications, and drank three more glasses after that. Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but watch and wonder if Rei was sealing her fate. When the movie was over, Ms. Akiyama was shocked when she suggested the two play a board game and Rei agreed almost immediately. They hadn’t played board games together since…well…truthfully, not since Rei’s father had passed. Really, Ms. Akiyama thought as they set up the board to play Life, that had been when the two had first started to truly drift apart. Ms. Akiyama missed how close they used to be, maybe more than she had realized before that night. But all that was about to change; she was certain of it. After two games of Life and one game of Clue, a drowsy looking Rei yawned, bid her mother goodnight, and retired to her room. Ms. Akiyama smiled and watched her daughter sleepily drag herself up the stairs. She had a feeling the next morning was going to be a new beginning for the mother and daughter. Rei, on the other hand, cluelessly went through her bedtime routine. She brushed her teeth, washed and moisturized her face, used the toilet, changed into pajamas, climbed into bed, turned her white noise machine on, and snuggled into her blankets, just like she did every night. Chapter Nineteen. It was raining. Big fat raindrops plopped against the windows of Greenham Community College’s cafeteria and ran down the glass in streaks. The glass was cold against Rei’s forehead as she stared out across the empty patio. “Rei, are you paying attention?” Rei’s head snapped forward, “yes, sorry,” she looked up at Professor Rosenstine, her math professor, and nodded. “Good, then you won’t mind coming up to the board to solve this problem?” “Oh, o-of course not,” on shaky knees, Rei slide out of the booth and made her way to the freestanding whiteboard set up in the middle of the lunch tables. Around her, everyone suddenly got silent and put their lunches down, turning their attention instead to her as she approached the board. “Quickly, now, Rei,” Professor Rosenstine said impatiently. Rei was weaving her way through the desks, but the board didn’t seem to be getting any closer, “you’re dawdling, Rei!” “Sorry, Professor, I—” before she could continue her sentence, her foot tangled with a foot thrust into the aisle at the last minute and she went tumbling head over heels to the floor. Laughter erupted from around her. Professor Rosenstine looked down at her as she lay sprawled on her back, “are you quite done causing a spectacle, Rei?” “Yes, sorry,” Rei scrambled to her feet, brushing her clothes off quickly before taking the dry erase marker from the professor and turning her attention to the math problem on the board. Numbers and letters swam in her vision. Focus as she might, they wouldn’t stop moving and shifting. “We’re waiting, Rei.” Rei turned around to look to her peers for assistance, but found herself staring into a mirror, a line of closed bathroom stall doors behind her. Why was she here again? A girl came out of one of the stalls and gave Rei a weird look as she approached the sink next to her to wash her hands. “Are you in the wrong room?” The girl asked, then added, “the changing rooms are next door if you need to be changed.” What was she talking about? Changed? Rei froze as a hunch formed. She looked down and, sure enough, the plastic waistband of a diaper stuck out from her jeans, which bulged comically around her crotch and butt. “No,” she protested, “I don’t…this is a mistake…” “There you are!” A woman’s voice boomed and echoed off the tiled wall and floor as she burst into through the restroom door. Rei didn’t recognize the woman, but she knew who she was; she was her daycare teacher. The woman grabbed Rei by the wrist and effortlessly dragged her back through the door, “what are you doing, running off like that?” Rei protested and tried to wriggle free from the woman’s grasp, but nothing she said or did seemed to phase her. Up ahead, Rei saw Riley talking to another girl she didn’t know. She called out Riley’s name, but when Riley looked at her, there was no recognition there. Riley merely watched, vaguely disgusted, as Rei was dragged past her. “Ugh,” Riley said to the other girl once Rei had passed them, “kill me if I ever become like that.” Rei watched the two girls recede down the hall. “Here we are,” the woman who had been dragging her cooed as she finally stopped in front of a door and pushed it open, “back to class with you.” She pushed Rei through the door, and Rei looked around at the room around her. It looked like a daycare, but everything was sized up. There were about a dozen girls her age, all dressed like toddlers, sitting in four rows in the center of the room and looking forward at a kindly looking woman in front of a chalkboard. “Ah, Rei, welcome back,” she said as she looked up at Rei. “I…I think I’m in the wrong room,” Rei said weakly. “Nonsense! We transferred you here after you were unable to solve that tricky math problem! This classroom is much better suited to girls your age, anyway! Speaking of, why don’t you come to the board to do the math problem?” Rei swallowed hard, but her feet started moving on their own. She couldn’t help but notice that she waddled slightly, an unfamiliar but somehow also familiar bulk between her legs. As she approached, she took the chalk the teacher offered, and turned to the board. This time, the numbers came easily into focus: 3+5= Oh, Rei thought, this was easy. Smiling confidently, she grasped the chalk in her hand, and drew a great, big, curvy 8. She looked over to the teacher for approval. “Mmm,” the teacher said, her mouth a tight-lipped frown, “that’s not quite right, Rei.” “What? But…” Rei turned back to the chalkboard: 3+4=8. “Wait, that’s…” “It’s okay, you’ll get it next time! Why don’t you go ahead and sit down.” In a daze, Rei plopped down on the floor with the rest of the girls. What was happening? As she ruminated on that question, she felt a sudden and urgent pressure in her bladder. Instinctively, she clamped her muscles down, but it was taking all her effort to keep the floodgates closed. But…why was she holding it? She was wearing a diaper, after all, so shouldn’t she just… The thought wasn’t even done before Rei felt the dam burst and a torrent flooded out of her. The feeling of warmth and wetness spread out through her crotch and across her butt, continuing down her legs. She looked down in panic as the dark spot in the crotch of her jeans spread out. But…hadn’t she just…? “Professor!” A voice rang out to her left, “Rei just peed her pants!” Rei’s whipped towards the voice and saw Jennifer Duffy sitting next to her. Rei looked around herself. She was in Professor Lewis’ class and everyone was looking at her. She looked to her right and found Riley chuckling and looking at her like she was a freak. At the head of the classroom, Professor Lewis just looked at Rei with disappointment on her face. And then Rei was back in her bedroom, panting and covered in cold sweat. It had all been a dream. Rei sighed with relief. She tried grasping at the details of the dream, trying to remember what had reacting like this, but found it already dissipating into the night. But as Rei calmed down, she began to notice something was not quite right. Rei didn’t really need to throw back her covers to be certain of what had happened, but she did so anyway, refusing to believe until she saw for herself. Rei Akiyama had wet the bed.

When I had knee surgery I just asked the nurse during the pre-op consult what I should do. They suggested doing whatever I'm comfortable with, and suggested bringing "what I needed" from home if it would make me more comfortable. They've dealt with this many times before. Just ask.

Just be up front with them when you are meeting with the nurse and or tell your doctor. I have been in this situation many of times. They are professional. The diapers they normally provide are thin and cheap. I always take my own.

Chapter 15: The labyrinth unveiled As they approached the entrance of the library, Ghost signaled for his team to follow. The large wooden doors creaked softly as they swung open, revealing the dimly lit interior. The Hellcats moved in like silent shadows, their footsteps muffled by the thick carpet underfoot. Ghost led the way, his eyes scanning the rows of bookshelves. He could feel the tension building within the team, each member sensing they were mere steps away from the unknown dangers lurking beneath. Rabbit trailed close behind, her fingers dancing over her tech pad, ensuring they remained undetected as they ventured deeper. "We've reached the second underground level, Argos," Ghost reported, his voice barely a whisper. He could hear the soft hum of machinery in the distance, a telling sign they were drawing closer to their target. "Bring up the lift." The team huddled together, watching as the lift slowly ascended from the depths below. As it came to a stop, Ghost turned to his team, his eyes reflecting the determination that burned within them all. "We're going in hot. Be ready for anything." With a nod from Rabbit, the team stepped onto the lift, their hearts pounding in sync as they descended into the unknown. The lift jolted to a stop, and Ghost gestured for the others to follow as he led the charge towards the lab entrance. As they neared, the sound of footsteps echoed through the corridor. Wire, their sharp-shooter, tense and ready, whispered into her commLink, "I've got eyes on possible hostiles. Heavy with Nannybots." "Hold your fire," Ghost ordered, his voice steady. "We're here for the captives, not a firefight." The lab's entrance loomed ahead, a large metal door etched with the faded emblem of Emerson University. Ghost signaled for Rabbit to get to work on the door's security panel. As she began to work her magic, the sound of footsteps grew louder, and the distinctive shape of Nannybots appeared on the horizon. "We don't have much time," Ghost warned. "Make it quick, Rabbit." With a triumphant smile, Rabbit pried open the panel, exposing the delicate wiring within. She worked deftly, her fingers a blur as she bypassed the security system. With a final spark of electricity, the door groaned open, revealing the hidden complex beyond. The team stood at the threshold, their hearts racing as they prepared to face the unknown. They knew this was just the beginning - a dangerous mission fraught with peril. But they were the Hellcats, a force to be reckoned with, and they would not rest until they had saved their own. As they stepped through the door, they vanished into the maze of twisting corridors, their footsteps echoing through the cavernous space. The fight to save their friends had truly begun, and they would not hesitate to risk everything in their quest for freedom. For they were not just warriors - they were heroes, united against an oppressive world that sought to keep them down. The battle had started, and the outcome hung in the balance. But the Hellcats were ready, and they would not be easily defeated. With a final nod from Ghost, they advanced, their hearts filled with hope, their spirits unbroken. For they were the Hellcats and they would not rest until victory was theirs. The drone, a sleek hovering orb, emerged from the shadows like a specter, its sensors locking onto the Hellcats. It beeped a series of crisp, coded messages that only a machine could understand. "Looks like we've got a guide," Wire remarked, her eyes fixed on the mechanical escort. Ghost nodded, his gaze never leaving the drone. "Argos, you're sure this thing's friendly?" Through their earpieces, Argos's voice resonated with the clear certainty of a thousand computations. "Affirmative. The drone is an extension of my surveillance network. Follow it to your objective." The Hellcats exchanged wary glances as the drone pivoted, signaling them to proceed. The metallic corridor stretched out before them, terminating at a formidable door that looked like it had survived wars from another time. "This is old tech," Rabbit observed, eyeing the sturdy construction of the blast door with a hint of disapproval. "Not what you'd expect in a place like Emerson." "Old doesn't mean easy," Ghost countered. "Let's stay sharp." As they neared the door, the drone emitted a low-frequency pulse. The massive door responded with a series of mechanical clicks and groans before it reluctantly began to slide open. The Hellcats paused at the threshold, taking in the descent that awaited them beyond the door. It was as if they were about to plunge into the bowels of history itself. Ghost turned to his team, his voice tinged with the gravity of their situation. "We don't know what's down there. Keep your eyes peeled and watch each other's backs." Rabbit pulled out her tech pad once more, her fingers moving with practiced ease. "I'll jam any signals coming in or out. We don't want any surprises." Wire checked her weapon one last time, feeling its familiar weight in her hands. "I'm ready to light up anything that moves wrong." The Hellcats advanced down the staircase with measured steps, their senses alert for any sign of danger. As they descended deeper into the darkness, each knew they were moving further away from the world they knew and deeper into uncertainty. Argos's voice was their lifeline in the silence that enveloped them. "I will monitor your progress from here. Good luck, Hellcats." The Hellcats followed the drone, their senses on high alert as they navigated the winding corridors. "This doesn't feel right," Wire muttered, her grip tightening on her weapon. "What the hell is a door like that doing in a university?" Ghost shook his head, his voice grim. "I don't know, but I don't like it. Rabbit, see if you can get us through." Rabbit stepped forward, her tech pad already in hand. She scanned the door, her brow furrowing as she processed the data. "This is some serious hardware, Ghost. It's going to take some time." Ghost exchanged a glance with his team, their expressions mirroring his own unease. But they had come too far to turn back now. With a nod, he signaled for Rabbit to continue her work. Minutes ticked by, each second feeling like an eternity as they stood before the imposing door. Finally, with a triumphant cry, Rabbit stepped back, the door sliding open with a hiss of hydraulics. Beyond lay a staircase, descending even deeper into the bowels of the earth. The Hellcats hesitated, the weight of the unknown pressing down upon them. "I've got a bad feeling about this," Wire whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of their hearts. Ghost nodded, his jaw set with determination. "So do I. But we don't have a choice. Our targets are down there, and we're not leaving without them." With a deep breath, he stepped forward, his team falling in behind him. The drone led the way, its soft glow illuminating the path ahead. As the Hellcats descended the ancient staircase, the air grew thick with the scent of bygone conflicts. The walls bore the scars of a time when the world trembled under the weight of relentless ambition and technological prowess pushed to its limits. They moved cautiously, each step resonating with history's echoes. "These walls... they've seen more than just academic disputes," Rabbit murmured, her voice a hushed reverence for the past. Ghost nodded, his eyes scanning the shadows. "Yeah, this place reeks of old power plays and secrets best left buried." Wire adjusted her weapon, her gaze fixed on the distant darkness. "Remember the stories our elders would avoid? About an age when our kind wasn't just marginalized but caught in a crossfire of giants?" A grim understanding passed between them; none dared to voice it directly, but each mind raced with tales of a colossal struggle that had once shaken the foundations of their worlds. Rabbit glanced at Ghost, her eyes seeking confirmation. "You think this is part of that... legacy?" Without a word, Ghost ran his fingers over a large dent in the metal wall — a silent testament to a violent impact from an era long past. The drone ahead paused as if waiting for them to absorb the gravity of their surroundings. "Feels like we're walking through a museum dedicated to mistakes," Wire commented, her tone laced with unease. The silence hung heavy as they continued through the labyrinthine passages. The deeper they went, the more palpable the sense of foreboding became. Rabbit's fingers paused on her tech pad, a frown etching her features. "These energy readings... they're off the charts. Whatever happened here, it wasn't just a footnote in history." Ghost led them forward with a quiet resolve. "Let's keep moving. We've got lives to save, regardless of what ghosts we're walking among." They pressed on, their steps synchronized with the pulse of revelations that thrummed through the ancient corridors. The Hellcats knew they were treading upon ground that once quaked with the fury of two worlds clashing — yet their mission was clear: rescue and survive. Ghost stopped short when they reached an intersection. He held up a hand, signaling his team to halt. "Listen," he whispered. A distant rumble reverberated through the corridor, sending vibrations through the soles of their boots. "That doesn't sound like any Nannybot I've ever heard," Wire said. Rabbit checked her tech pad again, her expression tightening. "There's an energy spike ahead. Something's active down here—and it's not just surveillance." They shared an uneasy look, understanding that whatever lay ahead was part of a legacy far older than any mission they had undertaken before. "Could be leftover security systems from the war," Ghost speculated, his voice low but clear. Wire grimaced at the thought. "Let's hope they don't mistake us for enemy combatants." With renewed caution, they advanced down one corridor after another, each step a reminder of the risks they were taking by delving into this relic of a bygone conflict. "Argos," Ghost spoke again into his comLink as they continued their descent into history's depths, "keep your sensors peeled for anything out of place." "Understood," came Argos's reply through their earpieces. "You are walking through shadows of the past—stay vigilant and mind the steps…" * * * "Damn, I hate these giant steps," Foxboy muttered, looking up at the next flight with a grimace. "Trust the drone, Foxboy," he said, gesturing towards the small device scooting in front of them. "It'll guide us through." With a deep breath, Foxboy activated his exoskeleton. The mechanical limbs extended from his body, giving him the strength and agility to jump over each step with ease. The Hellcats followed suit, their own exoskeletons humming as they leapt from one stair to the next. Ghost led the way, his eyes fixed on the drone in front of them. Rabbit and Wire trailed behind, their weapons at the ready. As they descended deeper into the library's subterranean levels, they could feel the air growing colder and more oppressive. Foxboy watched them go, his face hardening with resolve. He flexed his fingers around the handles of his exoskeleton and then pushed off from the ground. The force propelled him upwards and forwards, carrying him up multiple flights in one bound. Ghost's communicator vibrated against his wrist, a silent but urgent demand for attention amidst the darkness of the underground labyrinth. With a swift motion, he signaled the team to halt, their bodies instantly tensing in anticipation. Rabbit's fingers paused over her tech-pad, and Wire's eyes scanned the shadows for any sign of movement. "Emergency hold," Ghost whispered, his voice barely a ripple in the still air. The Hellcats exchanged quick glances, their training kicking in as they secured their positions. Rabbit tapped her earpiece, connecting to the voice that had become their lifeline in this clandestine operation. "Argos, what's happening?" The AI's voice was calm, almost dispassionate, yet it carried the weight of urgency. "I'm redirecting the video feed from the nursery to your devices now." The Hellcats' communicators flickered to life, displaying an image that tightened Ghost's jaw and sparked a fire in Rabbit's eyes. On the screens before them lay Bixente and Adrian, unconscious and heavily diapered. The bulky garments made them appear immobile and vulnerable—a sight that fueled their rescuers' determination. "They're deep asleep," Argos continued, "the current state renders them nearly incapable of movement." Wire let out a low growl, his instincts railing against the sight of comrades so helplessly bound. "We can't leave them like that," he hissed. Argos was already one step ahead. "I suggest waiting until they are changed into pull-ups before initiating rescue. Mobility will be crucial for a swift extraction." Ghost nodded slowly, considering Argos' strategic advice. The image of Bixente and Adrian seared into his mind—two warriors reduced to this state was more than just unsettling; it was personal. "Agreed," Ghost replied with a firmness that left no room for debate. "We'll wait for the changeover." Rabbit checked her tech-pad again, adjusting parameters and timing with precise taps. "That gives us a window," she murmured. Wire shifted his weight, his gaze never leaving the screen where Bixente and Adrian lay defenseless. "Let's make sure it's a damn small window," he growled. "Consider the ventilation system," Argos suggested, its voice cutting through the tension that hung heavy in the underground space. "It will allow you to advance undetected and maintain the high ground." Ghost considered Argos's proposal. He glanced at the blueprints of the library displayed on his communicator. His eyes traced the labyrinth of ducts that ran throughout the structure, offering a hidden network of paths that bypassed heavily guarded corridors. The drone buzzed impatiently in front of him, its soft light casting long shadows on the stone walls. It was ready to lead them through the maze of vents and tunnels, a guide through their metallic jungle. "Copy that, Argos," Ghost replied, his gaze hardening with resolve. He turned to his team, their faces masked by night vision goggles but their determination clear. "We're going airborne." Rabbit's fingers danced over her tech-pad, adjusting their equipment for the new plan. She nodded once at Ghost, signaling her readiness. Wire was already inspecting his grapple gun, checking its functionality with practiced ease. The quiet hum of its motor filled the air as he tested it, a sound that was both comforting and ominous. Foxboy followed suit, his smaller frame advantageous in navigating tight spaces. He moved to the head of the group, poised to lead them into the vent system. With a swift motion, Ghost activated his grapple gun. The wire shot upwards, latching onto an unseen anchor point within the vent above them. He gave it a firm tug, testing its hold before glancing back at his team. "On me," he ordered. One by one, they ascended into darkness. The clank of their boots against metal echoed faintly in the cavernous space below as they disappeared into the labyrinth above. As Ghost crawled through narrow tunnels and around tight corners, he could hear the faint whirr of Argos's drone leading the way. The AI's soft glow cast an eerie light on the metallic walls, illuminating their path through the ventilation system.

exactly what I meant regarding btter communications

Part 2 When I woke up the next morning my diaper was wet as usual and I just laid there. Mom came into my bedroom and asked me how I slept I told her though my sleepy fog I slept like a baby. “That’s because you are a baby my baby” she said. Mom put her finger in my diaper and told me I was wet and she would change me after I had breakfast. She picked me up and put me on her hip and we went into the kitchen. I was surprised to see my old high chair was next to the table. “Om ere did at com rom” I asked with my binkie in my mouth? “I took it out of the garage last night when you went to sleep” she said and she put me into it being still small I fit. She strapped me in then put the tray on with a click. She went to the counter she opened the draw and took out a bib and tied it around my neck. “Mom what are you doing I’m a big boy I don’t need this” I told her “and I don’t need to be feed anymore” I said after taking the binkie out of my mouth. She looked at me like she was hurt “you’re my baby boy and Mommy wants to feed you like I did when Daddy was here” she said with a sad face. I saw tears in her eyes and knew I had to do this for her. “Ok Mom” I said if that will make you happy” I said. “What will make me happy too is if you started calling me Mommy that is who I am” she said. “Ok Mommy” I whispered knowing something was wrong. “I made your favorite baby just like I did when you were a baby” and as she blew into a bowl she put it on the tray and sat down next to me. When I looked at it it was my favorite “Farina”. “Ok baby open up for the airplane so it can land in the hanger” she cooed. I opened wide and she started to feed me. It was warm and good and I enjoyed her feeding me like she use to. I smiled at her and she smiled back as she feed me the rest of the Farina. She took the empty bowl put it into the sink then she went into the refrigerator. "Would baby like milky or OJ” she asked? “OJ please Mom ... Mommy” I answered. She took the OJ out and poured it into a blue sippy cup with bugs on it that was on the counter. “Here you go my little baby boy” she said. I wonder what was wrong with my Mother. I lifted up the sippy cup and started drink it. “Good baby” she cooed and watched me with a big smile. When I finished she took the sippy cup and put it into the sink. “Ok let’s get my baby changed” she said. She took a wet dish towel and washed my face and hands and pulled the tray out and unstrapped me and picked me up and we went back to my room. She took a towel that was there from last night and put it on my bed then she laid me on my back. “Such a good little baby boy for Mommy yes he is” she cooed. She went to the bottom draw of my dresser and took out wipes, powder and a diaper and put them on the bed. My legs were at the end of the bed she leaned in between them kneeing on the floor and started to talk to me as if I was her baby again. “You’re going to be my baby again now that Daddy is gone do you want to be my baby boy again” she asked as she untapped the diaper? I didn’t want to I was a big boy but she was being so sweet to me and all I thought about were those boys from school making fun of me and bulling me making me feel bad about myself. I have to say I was enjoying the things she was doing to me the love she was showing me again now that I was older. “Yes Mommy I want to be your baby boy again now that Daddy is not around” I said. “Oh baby thank you” she said and gave me a kiss on my forehead. She reached under the clean diaper and took another binkie and slipped it in between my lips I started to suck on it feeling a lot less stressed. She untapped the wet diaper smiled at me then with one hand she took my ankles and lifted my legs up and slid the wet diaper from under me and let my legs down. Mommy took a few baby wipes and started to clean my diaper area. They were cold and I shivered a little. “Sorry baby Mommy will get a baby wipe warmer for you” she said as she cleaned me. Mommy was smiling then she giggled. I looked up at her with my binkie in my mouth as she wiped my peepee clean. She took the clean diaper and shook it out then took my ankles in her hand again and lifted me up. She slid the clean diaper under me and let my legs down. “You are my baby boy again” and started to sprinkle the power all over my diaper area and rubbed it in. “Does that feel good baby” she asked? "Es ommy" I said. I smiled behind my binkie as she pulled the diaper up between my legs and tapped it tight around my waist. “Good boy good boy” she cooed “such a good baby boy for his Mommy”. Mommy leaned in and started to blow bubbles into my belly button I started to giggle and kick my legs. She kept blowing raspberries into my belly and I made peepee in my clean diaper. When she stopped she kissed my forehead she said “Mommy loves you baby”. “I ove ou too ommy” I said with my binkie in my mouth. I sat up and she went to the dresser again and pulled out a shirt I saw it had the Cookie Monster on the front. “Arms up baby” she said. I did what she asked she put the shirt over my head and pulled it down and laid me back down. She reached under me and pulled the tail of the shirt down and snapped the snaps together. “All done baby now it is time to go play and watch TV” she said and picked me up put me on her hip and walked into the living room where the TV was already on and Tom and Jerry were on and they were chasing each other. “You be a good boy and watch TV while Mommy does the dishes” she said as she lowered me onto the floor. I watched and giggled sucking on my binkie. It was my favorite cartoon so I watch and giggled. I don’t know how long I watched TV but after awhile Mommy came back into the livingroom with a plate of cookies. “I thought baby would like a cookie” she said. I was already sitting so I crawled to the coffee table and Mommy giggles and sighed. I took my binkie out of my mouth and started to watch TV again giggling like I was a baby eating his cookie. After my second cookie Mommy picked me up and sat me in her lap. “Is baby thirsty” she asked? “Yes Mommy” I answered. Mommy pulled me into her arms and held me tight. She took a baby bottle out of the pocket of her apron and slipped it in between my lips. I didn’t realize what it was because I was still watching TV. Mommy started to rock us back and forth while humming a tune. I looked up at her and she said “shhh you like your baba” she asked? I relaxed and smiled at her while I drank the milk from my baba. She smiled back and started to rock us back and forth with me in her arms. When the baba was empty she continued to rock us back and forth I started to close my eyes and go to sleep. I felt her moving but did not open my eyes. She put something to my lips I thought it was my binkie so I opened my mouth and started to suck on it. I heard Mommy moan so I opened my eyes to see I was suckling on her nipple. I tried to move but she was to strong for me she held me close with her hand on the back of my head. “Shhh” she whispered. “You loved this when you were a baby and so did Mommy suckle from Mommy be the baby Mommy and you want to be”. I struggled to get up but Mommy held me tight. Her nipple was warm as I continued to suckle on her getting comfortable in her arms. I remember doing this when I was a baby and continued to suckle like a new born. Mommy moaned and rocked us back and forth. “Such a good baby suckle baby Alan suckle like you use too” she whispered in my ear “you are making me so happy baby”. I felt her move again and I started to suck on her other nipple. I was content I started to close my eyes. I felt her hold the back of my head to her nipple and fell asleep in her arms. When I opened my eyes it was getting dark I must have been sleeping for awhile. I got out of bed and walked down stairs where I heard Mommy talking to someone on the phone. I listened and realized she was talking to Sara my older sister at college. I walked in she picked me up and sat me on her lap. “Want to talk to your baby brother” she asked? Mom took my binkie out of my mouth and I was handed the phone and started to talk. “Hi sis how is college” I asked? She told me it was Ok that some of the subjects were a little hard but she was getting along great. Mom sat me on the couch “Mommy’s going to make dinner talk to your sister for a while longer” she said and left. “Sara something is wrong Mom she is treating me like her baby again”. “What do you mean” she asked? “Right now I am talking to you with a Cookie Monster tee shirt with snaps in between my legs wearing a diaper she is treating me like her baby boy again” I answered. “That’s strange” she said. “I have no idea what to do”. “I have to go back to school Monday what am I going to do if she puts me in a diaper and not a pull up” I asked? “Do you know what those boys will do to me if they find out I’m in a diaper and not a pull up I get bullied just with the pull up on”. “I’ll talk to Grandma and ask her what you should do Ok” she said? We talked for a few more minutes then Mom called that din din was ready. We hung up and I went to the kitchen. The high chair was still by the table and she put me in it and strapped me in and snapped the tray closed. Mom put a plate of chicken fingers and ketchup on the tray so I started to feed myself. “Tomorrow is Sunday maybe we can go to the park and we can have a picnic” she said. “The park oh no” I said to myself then everyone will see me dressed as a baby. I finished my dinner and Mom took her plate and mine and put them in the sink. She then walked over to the refrigerator and poured milk into a bottle. She put it into her apron pocket then came over washed my face and hands and took me out of the high chair and put me on her hip and she sat us down on the couch. She sat down and put me into her arms like a baby and gave me the bottle. Mom put the nipple in between my lips and started to cooed to me as she rocked up back and forth. Just then the phone rang Mom held the receiver with her shoulder to her ear while she feed me the baba. “Oh hi Mom how you doing” she asked? I could only hear one part of the conversation. “Yes he is wearing diapers full time now he wets to bad to be in just a pull up”. “No if he needs them what’s the difference” she asked? “No Mom I’m not hurting him he said he wants to be my baby again”. “We are going to the park tomorrow would you like to come with us” Mom asked? “Ok Mom we will see you tomorrow” Mom said and hung up. When the bottle was empty she turned me around on her shoulder and patted my back. I couldn’t help it and burped. She giggled and told me I was a good boy. “Time for bed e bye” she said. “But Mommy it is still light out “I’m a big boy” I said as she held me in her arms like I was a two year old. “Babies need their sleep so they can get big and strong like their Daddy’s”. “I hoped my baby boy enjoyed his day as Mommy’s baby” she said. She cuddled me in her arms patting my diaper. “You are so cute I love taking care of you like I did when Daddy was alive” she said and kissed me on my forehead. Mom slid the covers down on my bed and laid me down. She slipped a finger into my diaper to check to see if I was wet. She pulled the covers up and tucked me in. “This will never do” she said “I thing I need to get something else from the garage”. She kissed me on the forehead turned the light out she left the door open a crack and left. I laid there in a diaper with a binkie in my mouth wondering what was wrong with my Mom. Hopefully Grandma will get to the bottom of what is going on with Mom and make her start treating me like an 8 year old and not a 2 year old. I slowly closed my eyes and went to sleep. Some noise woke me up a few times during the night but I went back to sleep. In the morning I woke up wet with my binkie in my mouth. I stretched a little to find there was a brown bear in my arms. I recognized him he was my buddy from when I was younger. “Fred”. I played with him all the time never let him be alone when I was younger. I looked at him and asked? “What are you doing here”? Just then the door opened. “Are you talking to your buddy Fred” Mom asked? I blushed and dropped him on the floor. “No I’m 8 I haven’t played with him in years” I said raising my voice. “That wasn’t very nice” Mom said she picked Fred up and gave him back to me. I took him and threw him across my room very embarrassed. “BABY what did baby do” she asked with an angry voice? I took the binkie out of my mouth and through it too. “Mom I’m 8 not a baby why are you doing this to me” I asked? “Because I miss your Daddy and I want to take care of you again” she said tears in her eyes. I felt bad but I was upset to be treated like this. “You’re my baby now whether you like it or not and I will not have you talking to me like this” she said angry. She rushed over to me she sat on my bed and pulled me over her lap. She unsnapped the shirt pushed it up pushed my wet diaper down. “Mom what the hell are you doing” I asked struggling to get free but she held me down over her lap like a toddler. “Bad baby” she said and her hand came down on my ass and she spanked me 2 or 3 times. “Mom stop please stop” I yelled tears in my eyes. “Don’t ever talk to me like that again and 3 more spanks hit my naked bottom. I started to cry “Mom … Mommy stop please you’re hurting me” I cried. I had no idea what was going on with my mother. She stopped in between one spank after she heard she was hurting me. Mom pulled me up and hugged me tight and rubbed my bottom. “Oh baby all I wanted to do is to have my baby back I want someone to take care of again” she said. She held me tight and hugged me as she rubbed my sore bottom. Then like a light switch she changed she started to take my shirt off she laid me down on my bed and removed my wet diaper and started to coo to me. “MY baby no one can change that” she said. “I’m your Mommy she will take good care of you even if Daddy is not around”. She took some wipes and cleaned my diaper area. Then she pushed my legs back and put some cream on my red hinny. She slipped a diaper under me then let my legs down. She powdered me and pulled a clean diaper up between my legs like nothing happened. “You’re my good little baby boy and Mommy loves you” she said. She reached into her apron and took out a binkie she slipped it in between my lips. I started to suck on it wondering what was wrong with my Mother. Mom walked to the other side of my room she picked up Fred and put him in my arms I cuddled it and smiled at her. She smiled back and told me breakfast would be ready in a few minutes and to come down to eat. I waited until my heart rate went down got out of bed and went to the kitchen I had Fred in my hand. I don’t know why but I did. “Mom” I said when I went into the kitchen. She looked at me and I said “Mommy are you Ok”? “Yes baby come to Mommy” she said and put her arms out to me. I waddled over to her she picked me up hugged me tight then put me in the high chair. With Fred sitting in my lap she smiled at me and kissed my forehead and she went back to the stove. A plate was put on the tray she sat down. She took some scrambled eggs put them on a baby spoon and said “open up here comes the choo choo”. I did as she said and she feed me. “All gone“ Mom said got up and went to the refrigerator took out a bottle and put it in her pocket. She helped us Fred and me out of the high chair put us on her hip and we went into the livingroom. Mommy laid on the couch she put me in her arms and took the bottle and slipped the nipple between my lips. I started to suck the OJ out and closed my eyes Fred was in my arm. “Such a good little baby boy I love you baby Alan I would never do anything to hurt you I hope you will do the same for me” she said and kissed my forehead. I didn’t know what to think the spanking hurt but she wasn’t or is not herself. Grandma is coming today so maybe she can find out what is going on with Mommy. I decide to do whatever she wanted not to get another spanking and be her baby boy again until Grandma came. Mommy looked down at me she smiled as I sucked from my baba and be a good baby for her. “Such a cutie what a good baby for his Mommy” she cooed. When the bottle was empty she put me over her shoulder and burped me. I lay back in her arms she ran her fingers though my hair then she moved Fred she put him next to her. Then she pulled her dress down took the back of my head and guided my lips to her nipple. I latched on and started to suckle on her nipple while Fred watched me. “You see Fred baby Alan is still my baby he loves to suckle from his Mommy like he did when he was first born” she whispered to Fred. I looked at Fred and smiled while I enjoyed being a new born but there was no milky to drink. A knock on the door brought Mom to her senses she pulled her nipple out from my lips with a pop and started to pull her dress up just as Grandma entered the house. Grandma closed the door and looked at Mommy. “Alice what in the world are you doing” she asked seeing me in her arms holding me like a new born? “Mom I didn’t know you were coming so early” Mom said. “Will it looks like your having a good time at Alan’s expense what are you doing” she asked? “Mom I want my baby back I want to take care of him I want to love him as my baby” she said tearing up. “Shhh it’s Ok sweetie have you been taking your pills” Agnes (Grandma) asked? “No Mom they upset my belly” Mom said. “Are you Ok Alan” she asked me? “Yes Grandma I’m fine” I said with a smile on my face. “You do look adorable dressed in a diaper and a cute omnie” she said. “You know your Mother had a break down she isn’t taking the pill the doctor prescribed I’m sorry you had to go thought all this but your mother is having a hard time”. “I understand Grandma but … she didn’t hurt me and it feels nice she is taking care of me again” I said. “You’re enjoying your Mommy taking care of you like this” she asked? “Everything except the spanking she gave me this morning”. “Alice you spanked your baby this morning” Grandma asked her daughter? “What did he do” she asked? “He threw Fred and his binkie across the room and didn’t talk to me as his Mommy” she said. Grandma took me from my mother I think she noticed that Moms dress was a little open and her nipple was not covered. Grandma held me in her arms I wrapped my legs around her and put my head on her shoulder. She rocked me back and forth and patted my bottom. “Are you Ok baby” she asked as she kissed me on the nose. I put my head back on her shoulder and she held me tight. Mom got up isn’t he cute Mom” Mom asked? “Yes he is but I think we need to talk to your doctor to see what he needs to do to help you” she said to Mom. “No” Mom said “we need to baby him so we can take care of him like we did before” Mom said to Grandma. Grandma was rocking us back and forth I started to close my eyes and fell asleep in Grandma’s arms.

And when he wakes up, the Doc says " It went GREAT.... And I threw in fecal incontinence for FREE!" 😆🤣😁

[Part 10: Ascent] Chapter 113:Staffing Issues The next three days were a quiet nightmare for me. I was losing my bladder control. It wasn’t that I was completely unaware, I wasn’t incontinent; it wasn’t like I didn’t know I was peeing most times. There were no instances of wide eyed shock at the sudden wet warmth spreading out from my crotch or the feeling of a squish and being puzzled by it. I knew what was going on with my body. But unless I was actively thinking about it and resisted the urge, I just peed. Holding my bladder had become less like holding a cup of coffee and more like not scratching an itch. It was possible, but every moment spent not scratching became increasingly distracting to the point of agony. And just like scratching an itch, it was very possible to do it while asleep. When I was put down for naps or just dozing, I stirred enough to wake myself up. Once I woke up right as my body was letting loose, but I still counted it. At night, in a deep sleep, nestled in Janet’s arms? It felt impossible. It was like Billy had said when we’d first met. I wasn’t incontinent, I was becoming unpotty trained. Forced practice and the normalization of it all were taking their toll on me. Imagining myself becoming like Billy who literally could and would push a steaming load into his pants at any given time no matter what else he was doing, I soothed myself by asserting that much control and holding my bowels for as long as I could bear. I didn’t bring any of this up to Janet of course. She wouldn’t have believed me anyways, and if she did she’d no doubt be overjoyed. I’d finally said that I hate her straight to her face and it hadn’t phased her. Perhaps the breast milk was doing something to me, but it’s not like I could bring it up to Janet. For all I knew, Amazon breast milk was an addictive drug that caused long term incontinence and brain damage to Littles; but any Amazon cited source would make zero correlation to that fact. Don’t ask questions if you don’t fully trust the narrator. Oh yeah. The breast milk. How had I not realized? How could I have been so stupid? So blind? So willfully ignorant? Between that and everything else that had happened on Monday, I really did need the three days off just to process. Those three days were also remarkably pleasant. We slept in and got up with the sun. My liquid diet consisted entirely of water and juice that Janet deliberately poured in front of me and sampled herself each time. My solid diet was finger foods, cut up fruit, corn dogs, massive pizza slices cut into bite size hunks. There was nothing gooey like macaroni and cheese or lasagna; nothing that would be untoward for an adult to eat with their hands; though the steamed broccoli was a stretch. Because of her mandate on me not ‘playing’, we went to places where other Littles weren’t likely to be during school or daycare hours. That meant no playgrounds! We went grocery shopping and made a trip to the book store in lieu of the library because of its ‘Mommy and Me Baby Time’ program. She even got me a book. ‘Jeepers: Lights! Camera! Ack! Shh!’. It was pulpy drivel, but a child’s chapter book written at a fourth grade level was leagues away from the illustrated propaganda in Beouf’s room. One afternoon we took turns reading chapters to each other on the couch, guessing what the next dumb fake out would be following the cliffhanger at the end of a given chapter. For three whole days, I got to hang out with Janet. And I didn’t hate it. We talked about nothing in particular. We read to each other. We did yoga (the one exception to the television rule she’d put in place). She didn’t ask me to drink any milk at all, only asked if I wanted to keep talking about it. There were no further trauma incidents such as seeing free Littles set on edge by our presence.. Easiest grounding I’d ever had, to be honest. The one thing that stung was missing the LIttle Voices meeting that wink. I desperately wanted to regale a certain wonderful nutter with the tale of how I’d busted an Amazon in the nose. There was something Amy had yet to accomplish as far as I knew. It would have been nice to tell her that before Ambrose inevitably found a way to strike back. Amazons always did. That Friday Morning sucked. We woke up on time but were slow to get going. The weather forecast had temperatures in the forties that morning but expected it to rise into the low seventies by the early afternoon. I sat fidgeting in my car seat. My jacket was too puffy and the jeans didn’t feel nearly baggy enough; like denim tights in some places. Janet had split her morning breakfast shake with me, but the sweetness was artificial and chalky compared to what I’d allowed myself to become accustomed to. That made me shudder. “This outfit sucks,” I complained for the third or thirtieth time. We turned into the school parking lot. “We don’t get cold weather very often, babe,” Janet said patiently. “You can take the jacket off when you get inside. You might not even need it by lunch.” “But then everybody will see the onesie,” I whined. The navy blue long sleeved onesie with snowflake patterns was adorable. Adorable was not how I cared to be seen. “That’s why you keep the pants on over it.” Janet said. Damn. She had a point. And it was better than a shirt because there was no chance of my diaper poking out the back. That was…actually kind of thoughtful. “Oh…yeah.” Janet glanced at the dashboard clock. “Crap! We’re late.” The sun cresting over the horizon gave hint to what the clock was broadcasting. Less than five minutes before clock in time. The buses would be here any minute. Janet zipped around to my door and all but ripped me out of the car seat. “No time to go to the classroom. Mommy will clock in and hand you off to Mrs. B.” She practically dashed carrying me over her shoulder; every little bump and jostle stopping me from telling her that she wasn’t supposed to call herself Mommy when we were alone. There was no time for that argument, however. The concrete zipped by. Someone I couldn’t see looking over the back of Janet’s shoulder said “Hi Janet! Hi Clark!” and she hustled through to log in for the day. Three steps in I was able to get a good look at Beouf still holding the door, waving, and giggling. I waved back. I stood on solid ground for the first time that morning when she sat me down and started punching in her number. It was not to last, however. “Boss!” My eyes lit up. My whole body pivoted towards the front office’s mail room. “Tracy?!” Tracy stood there, eyes wide with excitement, holding an armful of papers. Better yet, she was dressed like a normal person again, and not a gross parody of a western school marm! She took the stack of worksheets fresh off the printer and bits of announcements and mail and placed them on a nearby desk. “Boss!” “TRACY!” “BOSS!” The Tweener got down on her knees and flung her arms wide. I took the cue and waddle-ran all the way into her arms, giving her the biggest possible hug I could manage, even with the puffy jacket limiting my mobility. There were soft quiet ‘Awwws’ and one disgruntled ‘Hmmmph’, but I didn’t care this time. My feet were on the ground but I was on cloud nine. “How ya been, sir?” Tracy asked, her voice soft and gentle. “Three days?” I boasted. “I could do three days standing on my head.” I neglected to mention my recent nighttime problems because well…there’s no good way to bring that up. “You?” Tracy stood back up, but she kept gushing. “It’s been like a vacation. The substitute that came in has been phenomenal!” “Substitute?” I said. “You mean Ambrose hasn’t come back yet?” The first bell rang right as the buses were starting to motor up. I felt Janet’s warm shadow over me. “I need to go unlock my classroom,” Janet spoke over my head. “Can you get him to Mrs. Beouf please?” Tracy gave a cheeky thumbs up. “I think I can manage, ma’am.” Two full lips planted themselves on the top of my head. “Bye bye, Clark. Have fun today!” I slapped my palm over the spot that had been kissed like I was swatting at mosquitoes. “Mommy!” I squeaked. Alas, she was already power walking out the side exit towards the courtyard. Tracy arched an eyebrow. “Mommy?” “Shut up,” I growled, embarrassed at myself. My assistant held her hands up in defense. “No judgment. No judgment. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Say what you gotta say.” I tried to move beside her and reached up for her hand. “Come on. Let’s go.” Tracy eyeballed the front door. “Are you kidding? It’s cold out there and our buses are dead last. We can wait a few.” Oh wow! Neither I nor Tracy had ever dared to push our luck by waiting inside after the bell. We’d bitch about it, sure, but we never acted on it. Something had emboldened Tracy. I kind of liked it. “Okay,” I said back up to her. “So…substitute?” “Oh she’s amazing!” Tracy said. “She’s an Amazon, but she’s really good with the kids. Playful but doesn’t goof around. Talks to them like they’re people, but isn’t a drill sergeant. Really knows her stuff! Emily’s mom came in on Tuesday and this lady just talked circles around her and redirected her so that she was happy and gone in like five minutes! Almost like how you and me would do it. I think even Beouf kinda likes her.” Wow, again. I leaned back from surprise. Tracy did not give compliments this lightly. They were just falling out of her, too. There was no way she was using any kind of office politics language in case we were overheard, (and we were obviously being overheard). “Oh,” I sighed. “Good. What’s her name?” The door to Brollish’s office opened and closed. “Starke. With an ‘e’ at the end.” Starke…Starke…Starke…I didn’t know any teachers with that name. Not that I could expect myself to know every teacher, as necessarily anti-social as I was. Light footfalls signalled an approach. “That doesn’t sound like any of the regular subs. What’s she look like?” Tracy pointed towards Brollish’s hallway. “Kinda like that.” The lady who walked out of Brollish’s office might as well have been a Little made large: Skinny and straight almost to the point of pre-pubescence. Her hips and breasts were still bigger than any Little woman’s, but proportionally speaking, she was a twig. Her short, light brown hair was let down and neatly combed, and she was dressed functionally yet professionally; much like how Beouf often did- with clothes designed for ease of mobility and comfort so that one could get down on the floor and play with students as much as teach them at their desks. Her red and puffy winter jacket was almost an exact replica of my own, possibly because they had been bought from the same store. There was a joyful gleam in her eye and a smile on her face. She waved. “Morning, Tracy! Morning, Clark!” “Hey, Miss Starke!” Tracy waved back. Then she took a second and looked back down at me. “You guys know each other?” “She’s my babysitter,” I said almost under my breath. Jessica pranced our way. “How are you buddy?” she cooed down at me. “Ready to play and learn? Still sleepy? Grumpy?” Tracy reached down and gave my hand a squeeze. Then Jessica said to her. “Oh, sorry. His Mommy is my best friend. I’m kind of his honorary aunt. Ms. Grange. Do you know her?” “Yeah…” Tracy nodded. “I do. We used to all meet up first thing in the morning and chat before work. Me. Mrs. Beouf. Ms. Grange. Clark.” This had all become incredibly awkward, and once again, the Amazon was the one who had no idea. “That sounds neat! Maybe we can start doing that again once I’m settled in.” The tips of her fingers shot up to her mouth in self surprise. “Oops! I didn’t mean to invite myself. No pressure of course. No pressure. Just I love Janet, and I’ve really liked working with you so far and…” “We?” I parroted. “So far? Settled? Jessica…Auntie Jessica, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Jessica paused and then broke out in a mile wide grin. “I got the position!” Tracy gasped and let go of my hand. I did too. So many conflicting emotions roiled up inside of me. Janet’s best friend was teaching my kids. That meant that they were infinitely safe in comparison. It also meant I might get babysat less often. But it also meant I’d been replaced…again…by another giant. A shrill harpy’s cry rang out. “WHAT?!” Raine Forrest leapt out of the receptionists chair so fast that it fell over backwards. This was doubly impressive because being a wheelie office chair it shouldn’t have been able to do that so easily. “MS. AMBROSE GOT FIRED?!” All eyes were on us and Forrest as she stomped over to us, huffing and puffing. Aides, volunteers, teachers running late, parents trying to beat the school bus because their kid forgot to take something with them: every one of them was either looking right at us or doing their absolute best to not look at us. “I don’t know anything about that,” Jessica answered sheepishly. “I was just told that the preschool teaching position was open and asked if I wanted it.” Despite being within easy speaking distance of us, Forrest did not stop screaming. “THAT’S NOT FAIR! THAT’S NOT FAIR AT ALL!” Tracy spoke up. “She hit a student. Multiple times. And me. What was supposed to happen?” “HE ASSAULTED HER AND SHE DEFENDED HERSELF!” Forrest roared. “WHY IS SHE FIRED AND THIS LITTLE BASTARD GETS TO KEEP HIS FREE DAYCARE? HIS MOM ISN’T THAT GOOD OF A TEACHER!” That lit a fire underneath Jessica. “Excuse me,” she said, getting between me and Forrest. “That is not how we talk in front of parents and students, that is not how we talk about our co-workers or their children, and that is certainly not how you talk about my friend and my godson.” It wasn’t as forceful or as fuming as Janet’s previous dressing down, but there was a power to it. In the way the two women carried and conducted themselves in that moment, Raine seemed like a tantruming toddler and Jessica was the adult firmly putting her foot down, telling her the behavior was unacceptable. Fury in Raine’s voice condensed. Not as loud but just as angry. “Oh. So you’re one of them.” Unbeknownst to us, another monster had entered the room. “Miss Forrest.” A quiet, raspy, skeletal voice called out. “Perhaps we should talk.” And the volcano erupted all over again. “FUCK YOU!” She shouted at Brollish. Brollish looked like she’d been struck “I beg your pardon?” “FUCK! YOU! THIS MANIPULATIVE SON OF A BITCH HAS CAUSED PROBLEMS ON THIS CAMPUS FOR YEARS! LITERAL YEARS! AND INSTEAD OF GETTING RID OF HIM YOU FIRE A PERFECTLY GOOD TEACHER! HE SHOULD BE AT NEW BEGINNINGS RIGHT NOW GETTING TAUGHT A LESSON INSTEAD OF PLAYING IN BEOUF’S GLORIFIED DAYCARE!” “See me in my office, Miss Forrest. Now.” “NO!” Forrest stomped her foot. “FUCK YOU! I QUIT! I CAN’T WORK HERE ANYMORE! I QUIT!” She stormed out the side exit, slamming the door behind her. Everyone else froze. “That was unfortunate,” Brollish said. No one moved. “Get to your stations. Students are already unloading. Have a nice day.” The room sprung back into action as if Brollish had pressed the universe’s play button. Jessica took a knee and knelt down to my eye level. “Sorry you had to see that, kiddo,” she said. “You okay?” Tracy took one look at my awestruck face. “Oh, he’s more than okay. Trust me.” I was doing everything I could not to burst out in joyous maniacal, frantic, idiotic laughter; the kind of laughter that would risk me wetting myself even if my body hadn’t started slipping. Both my newest and oldest enemies on campus had been removed in the space of five days. Bonus points: Ambrose had been replaced with someone who was as much her antithesis as it was possible to be and still count as an Amazon. Double bonus was this was someone who knew me and was inclined to humor me. If I couldn’t look after my students directly, I could at least have the ear of the two people who were. Tracy liked her too, meaning she’d stick around. Best. Grounding. Ever. “I’m okay,” I said. “I’m very okay.” I reached up and took both ladies’ hands. Tracy took the worksheets in her free arm and we walked out into the chill cold just as the final two buses were pulling up. “Hey Tracy?” “Yeah?” “Does Emiliano have any experience in telephone reception?” If Tracy had been drinking coffee she would have spit it out. “It’s a good thing my hands are full or I’d smack you, you Little booger!” Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, Jessica puffed out a bit of laughter. “Okay. Yeah. You know Clark, alright.” Chapter 114: Through Windows Once Closed I watched my reflection while Beouf tugged down the sides of my fresh diaper, making sure the fit was nice and snug without risking the tapes ripping. “Almost….done!” She smiled, satisfied at her work. I let out a small sigh now that I was no longer encased in my own pee. A long tired yawn bellowed out of me. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHW” Beouf reciprocated the yawn while she boosted my hips and buttoned the snowflake onesie up between my legs. “Don’t start, baby, you’ll get me doing it.” I frowned, the b-word still stinging despite the affection. “Okay, Granny.” I joked. “Do you want me to pull up your rocker and quilt for you?” She stuffed the old balled up diaper down into the pail behind her. I’d needed the change since before the buses, but we were running behind so I volunteered to wait. No sense in Annie or Billy risking a rash because they were stuck in filthy pants for an extra forty five minutes to an hour when I could just wait ten and get relative privacy to boot. “Don’t even joke, young master Grange,” Beouf said. “My granddaughter has been keeping me up the past two weeks. If I could fit, I might curl up in one of those cribs with ya.” She fiddled with my jeans, turning them this way and that, checking for leaks. “Pants on?” I stared up at the ceiling mirror. I looked absolutely ridiculous and adorable. Putting some jeans over them wouldn’t alter that overmuch. That and Beouf still had the heat up to full blast. “Pass.” “Deal.” She folded up the jeans. “Shoes and socks?” I wiggled my toes. “Why? It’s Friday. Might as well start it right.” Beouf shook her head but had the biggest glowing smile on her face. “Suit yourself.” She unfastened the strap across my chest and set me down off the changing table and onto the cool tile floor. “Jealous?” I asked. “Maybe a smidge,” she admitted. “I don’t think I could pull the look off like you can.” She tucked my grimy socks into my sneakers and placed them atop the folded up jeans. “More just really happy to see you like this.” Turning down the jeans seemed like a really bad idea right then and there. “Like what?” “Happy.” She made a gentle shooing motion towards me. “Now come on. I wanna get some coffee, not spend all afternoon in the bathroom.” I crinkled out and around the classroom, approaching Beouf’s kidney table in a wide arc for no other reason than I felt like it. In contrast, Beouf made long rigid strides for the coffee pot, moving at right angles and letting her tree trunk limbs carry her past my meandering gait. The resulting differences in tempo made it so that I was sitting down right as she was finishing shaking up my bottle and placing it in front of me. “To the end of another week,” I raised the bottle filled with mocha in a mock toast. “To the end of another week,” Beouf parroted me. She gave a conspiratorial scan of the classroom as if searching for eavesdroppers. “And the end of Ambrose.” For once I blushed and smiled yet felt no need to hide it and no shame in expressing it. We clinked glasses and sipped our drinks in a moment of comfortable, amicable silence. I exhaled and threw in, “Bonus points for Forrest.” “Hmmm?” Beouf blinked and swallowed her drink. “Beg pardon?” “Forrest quit,” I said. “That’s what that was this morning during the buses? She quit?” I took another pull from the bottle, feeling smug as anything. “Yup.” Beouf covered her mouth and pounded the table top lightly in place of laughter. “Oh my gosh! That’s awesome!” “You’re welcome.” I said. “She literally cited me being allowed back as the reason she was quitting. That and Ambrose getting canned.” Beouf held her palm out and I slapped it. “Don’t you ever do anything like that ever again, though,” she quickly said. “Ever. I mean it. Scared the daylights out of me and everybody else.” I tried using my superpower of not rolling my eyes, but it failed from lack of practice. “Yes Mrs. B.” Hadn’t we already had this talk? What did she think I was? Oh…oh yeah. She kinda did… “I mean it, Clark.” Beouf said. “I was scared. We all were. Ivy was close to hysterics when she first got back here.” I put the bottle down. “What?!” “Zoge told me she kept mumbling something in Yamatoan about how it was her fault. Do you know how she would have felt if you’d have gotten expelled? How I would have felt?” The mental image of poor delusional Ivy and poor delusional Mel crying because I got sent to New Beginnings was enough to shake even me. We’d just re-reached a place of understanding again. Ivy and I had even less time as friends. The fact that my exit from their worlds could affect them so; I hated to admit it, but it was touching. I dug my fingers into my face and dragged them down into an exasperated mask. “Fine, I promise!” I said. “Sheesh.” “Ivy and you are not going to be allowed to be next to each other in line for the rest of the year,” Beouf said firmly. “Calendar year or school year?” “Clark!” “Sorry! I just had to ask.” The joke did not land. My unexpected victory had been her emotional crisis. The silence turned awkward. My gut grumbled from the coffee and I made a mental note not to start pushing right then and there. If I could I’d do it in Janet’s car right as she was pulling into the neighborhood so that nobody’s eyes were fixed on me while I did the deed. There was no urgency or feeling of strain save for lamenting that planning to void into my pants had become routine and that the presented (and expected) alternative was worse. I wasn’t that unpotty trained… The awkwardness passed and Beouf resumed sipping her coffee. “How was your Friday?” “Kind of boring, actually,” I admitted. “No arguing or yelling or drama or surprises.” The last thirty minutes has just been the A.L.L. lounging behind our usual oak tree. No one wanted to play or make fun of the others. It was fucking grating. “Thank goodness,” Mel chuckled. “Monday was enough excitement for me.” “No, seriously,” I said. “Maybe we could spice it up every once in a while. Have Fun Fridays or something. Change it up beyond just recess at the end of the day?” “You want more recess?” “Maybe,” I pondered. “Like free play inside before lunch or a special game after naps. Might be nice to have some structure.” My mind leapt to the silly yet creative games used to pass the time at Little Voices meetings. I’d own these losers at ‘Clark says’. “I give you structure the entire day,” Beouf gestured comically to the visual schedule on the wall. “Now you want more structure during the one time of day when I cut you monsters loose?” I leaned forward on my elbows. “When you put it like that…” I covered my lips and muttered. “Kinda…?” “Are you trying to get under my skin, or do you genuinely want me to come up with games for you to play?” “Two things can be true…” I grinned. “Kids…” Beouf said into her mug. “Hm?” “Nothing,” she said coyly. Before I could make a comeback, she piled on, “If you want to make a lesson plan and try to teach your classmates some things out there I have no objection.” “Lesson plan?” I stopped blinking. “Seriously?” “Nothing official,” Beouf said. “Just if you want to teach your friends some new games, I’ll be happy to learn with them so I can referee.” A wink sealed my fate. “But you have to put in the work and get me the rules first so I know you’re not just being silly.” She took a moment to wag her finger at me. “No battle tag, either. Too much diving and tackling. Not appropriate.” A chance to teach! To lead and present! I pursed my lips together. “You’re playing me and I don’t even care.” “Sign of a good mentor/mentee relationship,” Beouf finished her coffee. “Both parties walk away taking advantage of each other and not caring.” It meant everything to me that she called it mentor/mentee and not teacher/student just then. She put her mug down and let out another loud yawn. “That grandbaby really keeping you up?” I asked. I got a tired nod in reply. “I thought Mom and Dad had to deal with the midnight feedings. Isn’t that what parents do?” Beouf bellowed out another yawn. “Doesn’t mean I don’t get woken up,” she said. “Sometimes I’ll give her the bottle just because I know I”m not going back to sleep.” She smacked her lips and her eyes started to drop. “Two weeks now. That baby has the second worst case of colic I’ve ever seen.” “What was the first?” Her eyes opened back up and a wicked wry smile jotted itself across my friends lips. “You.” “Oh you bi…” I sputtered and self-corrected. “You witch!” Melony stuck her tongue out at me. “Walked into that one, bubba!” she tittered. “I have so many swear words right now,” I grumbled. “All the swear words!” Our back and forth was interrupted with the gentle clicking of a doorknob turning. For the first time since September I looked at the backdoor of Beouf’s room opening and my heart didn’t fill with dread. The sound of two women laughing like school girls preceded Tracy’s head poking in the room. “Hey,” she said to the space between me and Beouf. “Mind if I come in?” “Sure,” Beouf waved the teacher’s aide in. I did, too. Tracy came all the way in, and the noise crescendoed with her entrance. “Janet and Jessica,” Tracy thumbed behind her. “You’d think they were long lost sisters who hadn’t seen each other in forever.” The slight distance between the classrooms was just enough so that I couldn’t make out the individual words, but the patter was loud, boisterous, and above all happy. It was nice to hear happiness coming from that room. “Yeah,” I sighed. “They get like that, sometimes. I don’t get it.” Janet was the last to find out about her bestie’s new job. When they saw each other at the bus loop after school she started squealing and jumping like she’d won the lottery. Jessica responded in kind. I was given a quick kiss and handed straight back to Beouf. I’d become an afterthought. After so long feeling like an obsession, being an afterthought was really cool. In Tracy’s hand was something off-black, flat, and rectangular. She had it tucked under her arm, and positioned away from me like she was trying to hide something. The door shut behind her with an audible thud, but was punctuated by even more laughter pounding out behind her. Beouf stood up out of her teacher chair. “Okay,” she said. “Now I gotta know what’s so darn funny.” She looked down at me. “Wanna come?” Tracy and I exchanged glances. She fidgeted. Uncomfortably. “Not really,” I told Beouf. “I’ve got a feeling someone’s coming over for dinner. I only wanna hear the jokes once.” “I don’t mind staying with him,” Tracy offered. Beouf held her hand up and out. “Tag out.” “Tag out.” Tracy agreed. They high fived and Tracy got out of the way so Beouf could go socialize with her fellow giants. “Sup,Tracy?” I asked. Tracy waltzed over to the kidney table and shifted the dark rectangle behind her back. “Hey, Boss. Got something for you.” “What?” I asked. “A present.” Tracy said. Then she tacked on. “And a thank you. And an apology.” “An apology?” I asked. “For what?” My old assistant pulled out a kids’ seat next to me. Even sitting down, she was bigger than me. “For this,” she gently brushed my cheek with her fingers. “And for not being honest with you.” I turned my head with the graze of her finger tips, feeling the slap all over again. “It’s okay,” I told her. “You saved me from getting humiliated in front of our kids. We’re even.” “You punched a bitch in the nose and took a beating!” Tracy exclaimed. Our gazes met. “And you saved me.” When she didn’t reply, I took the initiative. “We’re even. We’re more than even.” Even more awkward silence as we sat there. It was only broken when I remembered what I was wearing and shifted and crinkled uncomfortably in my seat. “Anyways,” Tracy said, bringing the rectangle back around and laying it down in front of me. “I had an idea. Emiliano already went back to work in Elizabeton. I can’t scope out the daycares and whatnot like you wanted.” “Yeah,” I said. “I know. I get it.” “But…” she brightened. “I can give you something almost as good.” “Which is?” Like a model on a daytime game show, she waved her hand over what she’d been hiding behind her back. It was a touch screen tablet, obviously well used. The screen still had smudges on it and there were tiny bits of brown gunk along the power and volume buttons where it had been pressed and dropped ad nauseam The paint on the home button was smudged to oblivion. “This isn’t mine,” Tracy assured me. “Got it used from a friend.” “Okay…” I said. “What is it?” Tracy started the tablet up, and punched in a passcode of ‘1-3-5-7-9’. “It’s a gaming tablet,” she said. “Last night I downloaded a bunch of fun games on it. No hypno games or anything that’s gonna make you uh…you know.” A weak smile muscled its way up over my skull. “Huh. Neat. Something to do over the weekend. Thanks, Tracy.” “I already got Janet’s permission to give it to you,” Tracy said proudly. “She’s got no problem with you playing any of these games.” I skimmed the icons that flooded the screen. None of them seemed particularly babyish. Nothing that was designed to teach me shapes or colors. One had a skull and crossbones. Another had a stick figure inside a sniper’s crosshairs. “Thanks.” “Fair warning,” Tracy told me, “she can access the parental controls and change the passcode if she wants. I already showed her and Miss Starke how to put a timer on it to limit your screen time so you can’t stay up late or anything.” “Ah,” I said. “That makes sense.” The small amount of satisfaction I was drawing from this was rapidly diminishing. “Yeah,” the Tweener repeated herself. “The parental controls really sold it for her.” A subversive counter melody entered the cadence of her speech. “She was really happy about that feature.” My eyes squinted up at her. “Is there anything my Mommy would be happier not knowing about?” I asked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir. Officially no idea.” Then my old partner in crime showed me exactly what she had no idea about. **************************************************************************************** I felt like a million bucks that night. A nice hot shower. Fresh fuzzy pajamas and powder to minimize chafing. New sheets in the crib and a freshly laundered Lion. It was a wonder what a few minor creature comforts could do after a long and dreary day. Janet leaned over the crib railing, her curvaceous form still wrapped in a towel, her hair lightly dripping. Both of our heads smelled of sweet honey shampoo. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in Mommy’s bed tonight?” she coaxed. “I could lay with you until you fell asleep and then move you to the cot until I came back.” “I’m okay,” I replied as politely as I could. “Thank you, though.” I was doing everything I could not to stare at the object of my desire. Subtlety was hardly my strong point and Janet knew it. “You just want to stay up and play with your new toy.” This was neither a question, nor an accusation. I sucked on my lips. “Kinda,” I admitted. “Snuggle tomorrow night? Stay up late tomorrow and sleep in Sunday morning?” “Oh, so we’re staying up late, now?” Janet taunted. “Someone has gotten very used to being suspended.” “It’s very easy to stay up late with an extra source of developmentally appropriate stimulation,” I offered. “If you’d like to negotiate it so that I take an extra long nap tomorrow, I’m amenable to that discussion.” Janet tilted her head and crossed her arms. “You just want to stay up and play with your new toy, don’t you?” I immediately averted my gaze and pretended to be interested in the dinosaur crib sheets. “Yes ma’am.” My Amazon caregiver feigned exasperation in her sigh, but she was radiant. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.” She moved Lion out of the way and grabbed the tablet from its hiding place and punched a code in. “We’re going to have to go over some of these games this weekend. I do not like how some of these icons look.” I stood up and flashed her full puppy dog eyes. “But tonight?” Janet handed me the tablet back. “I’ve got a timer set for thirty minutes,” she said. “After that it’s locking you out and changing the code. Then it’s right to slumber town with you.” “But I can play?” I asked. She sighed. “Only because it’s a weekend.” Good enough for me. “Yay! Thank you, Mommy!” My Mommy shuddered in delight at hearing her self-given title come out of my mouth so earnestly. She’d conditioned herself far more than she’d conditioned me. “You’re welcome, baby boy.” I leaned forward and accepted the kiss so that she’d hurry out of the room. “Good night, Clark. I love you.” “Good night, Mommy,” I called back. There was a pause, but she flicked off the lights and closed the door. Half an hour. I had half an hour to do what needed to be done. Not because I’d be locked out of the device, but because Janet would surely double back to take it out of my hands once I’d had my playtime. I pressed the home key and backed all the way to the locked screen. Thanks to the parental controls, in half an hour the code would go from ‘1-3-5-7-9’ to a secret permutation that only Janet knew. Fine by me. I didn’t need it. There was a special code that Tracy hadn’t divulged to my teacher, my Auntie, or even my Mommy. One that only I knew. With deliberate slowness I pressed in the secret sequence. ‘1-0-5-6-5’. Alpha-numerically, if 1 and 0 were read as ‘10’, I would have just spelled out ‘J-E-F-E’. Tracy had wanted it to be B-O-S-S, but it was too many digits. The screen blinked, and then the tablet booted back up. This time, all of the games were gone and only three heretofore invisible insignias remained: In my hands, I had an internet browser and a VPN and a settings app to turn my tablet into a wireless hotspot. I held my breath as I tapped on the icons and saw the spinning loading signal. A second later, the browser opened. Fingers trembling I typed in the web address. ‘Mistuhgwiffin.net.’ It loaded! For several seconds I just stared at the glowing screen, gazing in happy disbelief. No longer would my sources of information, my knowledge, or my voice be confined to what Janet or the others shared with me or decided what was worth listening to. Now I could communicate incognito with Littles on the other side of the crib bars. Listen to rumors. Give warnings. I could do more than just wish and hope and plan. I could do more than wait for openings and opportunities. I could coordinate. I could create my own opportunities. I could stretch myself out so much farther than the Oakshire Elementary Maturosis and Developmental Plateau Class or the local Little Voices meetings. I was back!

I'm posting this from my phone, so hopefully it's not weirdly formatted! Enjoy! Chapter Sixteen The next day, Ms. Akiyama made another trip to Brighter days to pick up her supplies. That night, Ms. Akiyama made one of Rei’s favorite dinners: a simple spaghetti with meat sauce. As she cooked, she thought back to her conversation with Emma the day before. “Now,” Emma had said, “a girl like Rei is likely to get very suspicious if you suddenly start trying to get her to take new medications. For less resistant girls, we often suggest parents start giving them a ‘vitamin supplement,’ but even this is likely to set off Rei’s suspicions, don’t you think?” Ms. Akiyama had nodded agreement, “how do we get her to take the medicines then?” Stepping away from the stove, Ms. Akiyama checked the living room to make sure Rei wasn’t there, then walked up to the base of the stairs; Rei’s bedroom door was closed, meaning Rei was safely and obliviously inside. On her way back to the kitchen, she grabbed the white paper bag Brighter Days had sent her home with out of her purse. Back in the kitchen, she withdrew three glass bottles with droppers out of the bag, crumpled the latter, and tossed it in the trash. “Well,” Emma had sounded almost excited, “we actually have a brand new tool in our arsenal just for girls like Rei. We’ve formulated the medicines we use into tasteless, odorless liquids.” Ms. Akiyama filled a bowl with noodles and ladled the red sauce over it. “You’ll want to add three drops of each medication. The first is a minor muscle relaxer that is formulated to specifically target the bladder, making it just a little easier for her body to overcome her potty training.” Ms. Akiyama carefully counted out three drops of the first medication. “The second is a minor sleep agent to make sure she sleeps very deeply; this will help the induction take root. And finally, diuranuretine, which is the generic name for Tinklex, which I’m sure you’ll be familiar with from the commercials. This medicine will really seal the deal. Make sure you do not give her more than the prescribed dose, or you might be dealing with wet pants before you’re ready, okay?” Ms. Akiyama added the last medication with the care of a rocket scientist working with extremely volatile chemicals. She gave the top of the sauce a light stir to mix in the liquid, then held the bowl up to her nose; sure enough, she couldn’t smell a thing wrong with it. “Rei!” She called when everything was done and set on the table (and the bottles of medicine safely stowed in the very back of the spice cabinet), “dinner!” The two made polite small talk about their days as Ms. Akiyama watched her daughter eat the laced spaghetti. She felt a pang of guilt in her gut, but said nothing, even as Rei mopped up the last of her sauce with a piece of garlic bread. With dinner done, Rei excused herself from the table, citing having more homework that she had to attend to, and Ms. Akiyama didn’t see her again until she came out of her room a few hours later to announce that she was going to bed and wish her mother goodnight. An hour later, Ms. Akiyama crept up the stairs, the white noise machine in hand. “Rei?” She whispered as she cracked the door to her daughter’s bedroom, “Are you awake?” The only response was the sound of Rei’s long, deep breaths. Tiptoeing, Ms. Akiyama made her way across her daughter’s room, set the machine on her nightstand, found the outlet behind it, and plugged the machine in. “Don’t worry about hiding it,” Emma had said, “part of the standard induction package is to make the girls think it’s been there all along. After all, many people have trouble sleeping without white noise!” Low static filled the room, and Ms. Akiyama got out as quickly as she could.   Chapter Seventeen Rei’s head jerked up and a bit of panic rose in her chest. She was sitting in class and her professor was droning on about something she couldn’t quite force herself to pay attention to. She must have dozed off for a moment. In front of her, Jennifer Duffy scribbled notes with the crinkled waistband of her diaper sticking out at least two inches above the top of her skirt. Rei could remember when a girl Jennifer’s age would have been mortified to have their diaper showing, now it seemed to be a fashion statement. Speaking of, Rei had to pee. Slipping out of her chair, Rei quietly and quickly made her way to the door, trying to distract her fellow students as little as possible. “Rei?” Her professor stopped mid-lecture to call her out as she weaved between desks, “where are you going?” “Um, sorry, just going to the restroom,” Rei replied, squeezing between two desks that were particularly close together only to find the next two desks two close together to squeeze between, she turned and tried another direction. “And were you going to ask for permission?” The strap of a backpack tangled Rei’s foot and she almost went down, but caught herself on her professor’s desk, finding herself face to face with the man. She tried not to huff in frustration; most professors in college didn’t make students ask to use the restroom, Rei must have forgotten this one did. “May I go to the restroom?” She asked. “Absolutely not,” he replied, “just use your diaper and you can change after class.” Rei stared at him, slightly aghast. “Sir, I don’t wear diapers.” “No?” He looked at her confused, then let his eyes wander downward. He sighed, “well, if you truly must, you can use the restroom,” he reluctantly acquiesced before going back to his lecture. With relief, Rei turned to walk away from the desk, only to find her way blocked by Jennifer Duffy. “You can use one of mine,” she said, her tone helpful as she held up a bright white plastic rectangle of fluff. “Ew,” Rei sneered at the girl, pushed past her, and finally found herself in the hallway outside the classroom. Except…wait… “Where am I?” She didn’t recognize this hall, and it seemed to stretch out to the left and right infinitely. Where was the nearest bathroom? She chewed her lip and crossed her legs as she considered her options. Neither seeming more promising than the other, she picked right, and made her way down the hallway. The hallway was lined with doors on each side, and Rei glanced through the tiny windows in each door as she passed. Behind each one, a class was in progress. She stopped when she got to one that was clearly not a college class. About a dozen girls around Rei’s age dressed in juvenile clothing sat in a circle while a middle-aged woman in pencil skirt and blouse read to them from a picture book. Since when did her college offer elementary school classes? Slightly confused but mostly dismayed by this news, Rei continued down the hall. “Rei!” A voice came from behind her. Rei turned to find Riley running up to her. “Hey, Rei,” she said breathlessly as she caught up, “wanna go to the mall?” Rei chewed her lip and looked down the hall behind Riley, then back towards the way she was going. “Did you see a restroom that way?” She asked Riley. “No, why?” “I need to pee,” Rei responded matter-of-factly. Riley seemed to think for a moment, then grabbed Rei by the wrist and started dragging her down the hall back the way she had come, “I think I know where one is,” she called over her shoulder as she turned right down a hallway Rei would have sworn wasn’t there a moment ago. Riley dragged Rei through the unchanging hallways, turning left and right seemingly at random. Rei’s legs pumped hard to keep up with the other girl, and her need to pee became more desperate with each jarring step. “Here we go!” Riley stopped so suddenly Rei almost collided with her. “The bathroom!” She gestured to a small alcove where, sure enough, were two doorways: a men’s bathroom and a women’s. “Finally,” Rei said, pulling her wrist from Rei’s hand and pushing open the door to the women’s bathroom. Except, the room beyond wasn’t a bathroom at all. The long, narrow room had six adult sized changing tables, three on each side of the room. Two were currently in use; girl’s Rei’s age laid atop them while women in white nurse’s uniforms changed their diapers. “Hi,” a third nurse greeted them, “which one of you needs your diaper changed?” Rei just shook her head and slowly backed out of the room. “Rei?” Riley said, watching Rei as she backed up, “where are you going? Didn’t you need to be changed?” Cold sweat dripped down her forehead. Rei looked to her right, then made a break for the men’s room. As long as it had a toilet, she didn’t care. She burst through the door and into a typical bathroom. Sighing with relief, she dashed to one of the stalls and tugged the door open. Or tried to; it was stuck fast. “Rei?” Riley and the nurse had followed her in, and the former was smiling calmly at her, “come on, it’s okay. The nurse will take care of you.” “I don’t wear diapers!” Rei shouted, but even as she did she felt her bladder spasm and push a squirt of pee out into her panties. Her hands darted to her crotch and she pressed her legs together. “Uh oh,” the nurse said in the same tone of voice you’d use with a toddler in Rei’s predicament, “look like she’s about to have an accident.” “Go on, Rei,” Riley said encouragingly, “just let it go, then we can get you changed.” Rei shot up in bed, panting and covered in cold sweat. What a fucking dream. As her breathing slowed down, she became aware of how painfully full her bladder was. No wonder she had been dreaming about it. Throwing her covers off herself, Rei got out of bed and hobbled with her thighs pressed tightly together to the bathroom down the hall from her bedroom. Relief washed over her as she flopped down on the toilet, her bladder releasing the second she did. Her business done, Rei wiped, stood up, flushed the toilet, pulled her pants back up, and froze. Her panties were just slightly damp. She remembered starting to lose control in her dream and realized that must have been real. She didn’t need a mirror to know how bright red her cheeks got at this discovery. Gotta be more careful about what I drink before bed, Rei thought as she made her way back to her bedroom. The last thing she wanted was for her bedwetting to come back. Somewhere in her mind, she wondered if she should be more concerned about this; after all, this was the…what? Second? Third time this week? Or was it? She had the distinct feeling this wasn’t her first close call lately, but her mind was too foggy with sleepiness to mull it over sufficiently. Rei got back in bed, pulled the covers over her, snuggled into them, and let the gentle sound of falling raindrops from her white noise machine lull her back to sleep.

Hello All! It's been a while since I've posted a new story, but I'm back with a project I'm very excited about! "You Know What They Do to Girls Like Us in Brighter Days?" is the story of Rei Akiyama, a young girl trying to navigate through life in a near future dystopia where the age of majority has been raised to 28 for girls and regressive behavioral therapy has become popular to help girls adjust to these new laws. The world this story is set in is very strongly inspired by/based on the world building of Alteredstates, so a lot of credit goes to him! For those unfamiliar with Alteredstates, he does world building through ad copy and other cultural artifacts. While you don't need to be familiar with his work to understand and appreciate this story, I strongly recommend you check it out! Not only because it will help you immerse yourself in this world, but also because it's genuinely really good! You can find him on Tumblr, Twitter, and Patreon! Without further ado, I give you the prologue and first two chapters of "You Know What They Do to Girls Like Us in Brighter Days?" Prologue The night of Wednesday, October 4th, 2028, was unseasonably cold in the city of Greenham; snow was in the forecast for the next day in a city that rarely saw a snowflake until at least January. By 7:28PM, there were already flurries dancing through the cold wind that whipped through the dumpsters behind City Hall, where John Bennet, the head of City Hall security, stood with his foot propping open the emergency exit of the east stairwell. He blew out a lungful of smoke as he dropped his cigarette on the pavement below and crushed it beneath his shoe. John was nothing if not a creature of habit; so much so that, if one cared to be so observant, they could predict exactly what time John would take the last smoke break of his shift before he did his final sweep of the building. He would then go home to his shabby apartment. That night, however, was different. That night, John wouldn’t be going home; he would be meeting a 28-year-old girl he had met on the internet. That night, John’s phone rang just as he was about to go back inside. He fished his phone out of his pocket, smiling when he saw his date’s name on the caller ID, and swiped his finger across the screen as he raised the phone to his ear. “Hey, baby girl,” he said, trying to sound smooth, “I can’t wait to see you.” On the other end of the phone, a young-sounding voice poured honeyed words into his ear as he turned and walked back into the building. Another night, under less distracting circumstances, John would have almost certainly noticed that the door never clicked closed behind him, but the telling silence was lost amongst the words that sent his blood pumping. In a bar a few miles away, Edward Cook was ordering a drink for a girl who looked too young to be there. The girl blushed as she slid her ID and emancipation card across the counter at the bartender’s request, brushing her blue hair behind her ear to look coyly at Edward out of the corner of her eye as she did. Edward never even noticed the girl on the other side of him, or her hand as she slipped a hard plastic card at the end of a black lanyard out of his suit jacket pocket. The card, printed with Edward’s picture and the seal of the Office of Juvenile Affairs, disappeared into the girl’s clutch purse as she quietly slipped away from the bar. She checked the time on her phone as she stepped out into the frosty night: 7:34PM. Elsewhere, the number 9 county bus was pulling over for an unscheduled stop due to a disturbance on the bus involving three young girls. The driver, Richard Lawson, broke up the altercation with the help of another passenger and removed the girls from the bus. That taken care of, an exasperated Richard reported the incident to dispatch, who noted the number 9 bus was running ten minutes behind but was resuming his route at 7:47PM. Back at the courthouse, John, having finished his final sweep of the building and found nothing out of the ordinary, put the finishing touches on his security logs for the night and leaned back in his chair, eyes sweeping over the bank of CCTV monitors that showed snapshots of the interior of the courthouse. It was, however, the clock that John was truly focused on, his eyes constantly flicking between it and the monitors. The moment those numbers turned from 7:59 to 8:00PM, John pushed himself out of his chair and jabbed his finger at the button that caused all of the monitors to wink out simultaneously. Had he waited just a minute longer, he might have seen the black garbed figures slip in from the emergency exit in the east stairwell. He could have watched as they crept up that staircase and slipped into second floor hallway. Another camera would have shown the figures slink down the hallway, past the Permits Office and the Office of Parks and Recreation. On a third camera, the figures stopped in front of a frosted glass door with Office of Juvenile Affairs printed across it in thick, black block letters. One of the figures swiped a card by the panel next to the door, the light turned from red to green, and the figures quickly disappeared through the door. Later, security logs would be pulled showing Edward Cook had accessed the office at 8:04PM; the subsequent investigation would find Cook was not guilty of any direct involvement but would still lose his position on the grounds of gross negligence. By 8:15PM, Greenham City Hall was silent and empty. At 8:17PM, the number 9 county bus blew past the empty bus stop at the far end of the City Hall parking lot. On an ordinary night, Richard would typically idle at this station for a few minutes, but he was working hard to make up for lost time. The next few stops were just as empty, which wasn’t unusual for this time of night on a weekday. It was 8:34PM when the bus pulled up to the stop at Greenham Community College, where three girls and four boys boarded the bus, all of them in their late teens and early twenties. Richard Lawson wouldn’t even think to mention this to investigators later, though they likely would have made nothing of it if he had. By 8:50PM, the city of Greenham, a suburb of the nation’s capital city, was settling into its slumber. A few bars and restaurants were still pouring drinks for late night clientele, but curfew was quickly approaching and all those affected were either already home or else rushing to get there. At 8:54PM, the electric engine of the number 9 county bus was humming along through the streets of one such sleepy neighborhood, empty but for Ricard Lawson and a small handful of passengers: a young girl with black hair and tawny skin carrying a bookbag tight to her chest, two boys with their feet on the seats laughing raucously in the back of the bus, and a mother and a daughter riding together. Richard glanced up at the passengers in his rearview mirror and caught the eye of the daughter. She had bright blue eyes, a practical waterfall of golden curls, and looked to be in her early twenties. Richard smiled at the girl in the mirror; he had to admit, she was adorable in her pink shirt and plaid skirtall. She smiled back at him from behind the shield of her pacifier. The mother turned away from the book in her hand and leaned over the girl, slipping one hand up the girl’s skirtall. Richard quickly averted his gaze, suddenly feeling like he was invading their privacy. “Oh, Rebecca,” the older woman sighed quietly, but still loud enough to be heard easily on the otherwise silent bus, “your pull-up is soaked; did you even know you had to go?” The girl’s smile disappeared into her blush as she mumbled some words from behind her pacifier. The mother chuckled. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” she ruffled her daughter’s hair, “we’re almost home! Then we can get you changed into your nighttime diapers and feed you a nice bottle before bed, would you like that?” She booped her daughter’s nose and sent the girl into a fit of laughter. The black-haired girl shifted in her seat across from the mother and daughter, obviously trying to avoid looking at them. She glanced at her phone, 9:52PM. Richard Lawson shifted in his seat and tried to ignore the cooing and giggling going on behind him. Little single-family homes passed by as he made his way down Ridgemont Street, and only more in sight as he turned right down Wrighton Square. The bell dinged and Richard slowly pressed the brake, bringing the bus to a stop at the corner or Wrighton and Central Lake Drive. Richard wished his passengers a good night, stay safe, as they all got off. Glancing back in his rearview mirror to confirm the bus was empty, Richard slowly accelerated into the night. Peter Grant watched the bus pull away from the front seat of his Greenham Police Department Cruiser. He scanned the passengers leaving the bus stop. Two young men cross the street and kept walking up Wrighton Square while three women started walking up Central Lake Drive and toward his cruiser. He checked his clock: 9:56, damn near too late for young women to be out alone. “Let’s check it out,” he said to his partner, Dave Clusky, as he stepped out of the cruiser and started crossing the street towards the trio. As Peter approached, the women were backlit by a streetlamp, but he could make out the vaguely feminine shapes of three women. Two of them walked side by side as the third, at least a few inches shorter than the other two, walked a couple of feet behind. Peter raised his flashlight, “Excuse me, ladies,” he called out officiously as the beam of light cut through the night, bringing the slowly drifting flakes of snow into heavy contrast. The three ladies stopped in their tracks. The shorter of the two in front whimpered behind her pacifier and clung to the older woman next to her as they both blinked against the light. The girl behind them gasped inaudibly and stared ahead like a deer in headlights for a moment before raising a hand to protect her eyes from the worst of the light. “Evening, ma’am,” Peter nodded to the older woman, “these your children?” The woman glanced behind her, then back to Peter, “just this one,” she replied, squeezing Rebecca close to her. Peter nodded, “Sorry to disturb you, ma’am. Best get your little one inside, it looks to be about her bedtime.” The mother laughed politely, “yes, we’ve had a very long day, thank you, officer.” She tugged on Rebecca’s hand and quietly urged the girl on. Peter swept his flashlight over a few degrees to focus his beam on the girl in the white button up shirt and plaid suspender skirt. “Could you lower your hand, miss? How old are you?” “Uhm, nineteen,” she replied nervously, “I know it’s—” “It’s almost curfew,” Peter interrupted her, “you allowed to be out past curfew?” “Um, no, sir, I—” “Yeah, didn’t think so. What’s your name? What are you doing out so late?” “Um, Rei, sir, and I’m coming home from college, sir, I was—” “College?” Dave chimed in, “you got parental permission for that?” “Yes, sir, and I—” “What were you doing at college this late?” Peter asked. “You go to Greenham CC?” “Yes, sir, I was studying—” “Studying,” Dave scoffed, “yeah, right.” “I was, sir, I have—” “You got a pass from your professor?” Peter asked. “Yes, sir, it’s—” “Well?” Dave said impatiently. “Let’s see it,” Peter demanded. “Yes, sir,” the girl reached into her backpack and produced a folded sheet of paper that was immediately snatched out of her hand. “Professor Lewis? English?” Peter read key words off the piece of paper before handing it off to Dave. Dave looked the sheet over, made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, then handed it back to Peter. “Looks legit” “You know it’s almost curfew, kid?” Peter turned back towards the girl, thrusting the paper back at her. “Yes, sorry, I was—” “Yeah, you were at college, you said. You live close by?” “Yes, sir, I—” “Where at?” “Just up the street,” she raised her hand and pointed behind Peter. “Uh huh,” Peter sounded skeptical. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time: 9:59PM. “Think you can get home before curfew hits, little girl?” He smiled maliciously. The girl’s knees went weak; she clutched her bag to her chest as if it could protect from him the malice in his smile. Her vision tunneled in on the face of Peter Grant and the world around her sounded like it was moving through water. Tick. 10:00PM. As curfew went into effect all over Greenham and it’s surrounding townships, the eastern wing of the Greenham City Hall exploded outward, raining fire and rubble into it’s expansive parking lot. The sound of the explosion tore through the still night air, audible as a low rumbling miles away on Central Lake Drive. A portion of the horizon of the night sky lit up. “The fuck…?” Peter cursed. “Fuck me!” Dave swore. The girl let out a quiet yelp and resisted the urge to make a break for it. Silence filled the air in the aftermath of the explosion, and then the radios on Dave and Peter’s shoulders started squawking. They completely forgot about the girl as they scrambled back to their cruiser. Chapter One Snowflakes were melting in Rei Akiyama’s hair as she slumped against the front door of her house. She was still shaking and trying to steady her breath. “You’re late,” a voice said from the living room. “I know, I’m sorry, Mom,” Rei said, still panting slightly as she took her shoes off before entering the room. “The bus was running late; I ran all the way here from the bus stop.” Ms. Akiyama made a sound in her throat as she looked her daughter up and down. “You were studying? Let me see your pass.” “Yes, Mom,” Rei said as she pulled out the now slightly crumpled piece of paper out of her bag and handed it over. “You’re working too hard in school,” Ms. Akiyama said matter-of-factly. “Well, whatever, I’m glad you’re home,” she discarded the paper on the end table, “I was starting to get worried when I heard that rumbling. Did you hear that?” “Yes, Mom,” Rei nodded and chewed on her lip, unsure what else to say on the topic. “Rei, stop chewing your lip, it’s a bad nervous habit.” “Yes, Mom, sorry.” Rei forced herself to stop and instead just looked down at her shoes. “Well?” Ms. Akiyama asked expectantly a moment later. “It’s almost bedtime; shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed? The news said we were supposed to get a few inches of snow, so school will probably be cancelled tomorrow, but I want you in bed on time just in case, okay?” “Yes, Mom,” Rei replied. She tried her best not to turn and run up the stairs, but instead walked casually up them as if it had just been a normal night of studying. Her mother watched her go, sensing something was off about her daughter, but she was unable to put her finger on what, exactly, she was sensing. Rei stopped briefly at the top of the stairs, turned back, and gave a small smile and wave when she saw her mother was still watching, then disappeared around the corner. Ms. Akiyama sighed quietly: what was she going to do with that girl? She was worried what kind of ideas her school was filling her head with, and Rei being out all-night studying didn’t do anything to allay that worry. Picking up the pass Rei had given her, Ms. Akiyama turned and settled back down on the couch. According to the pass, Rei had been working on her midterm essay for English with Professor Lewis. Sighing once more, she set the note aside, making a mental note to ask Rei what she was writing her essay about (maybe that would give her a clue on exactly what kind of idea’s the school was filling Rei’s head with), and turned her attention back to the TV where a mature looking woman was smiling back at her while holding a colorful package. “That why I decided to try new Pampers Overnight Diapers! They are expertly designed for girls who wet the bed,” as the woman delivered the line, she reached her free hand out the side and pulled a young girl of about eight or ten into the frame and into a side hug, “and those who don’t,” the camera pulled out and panned over to reveal an older girl about Rei’s age staring distractedly at her phone seemingly oblivious to her surroundings, “yet,” the mother added after a beat and punctuated it with a wink. Upstairs, Rei leaned against the wall, just out of sight, focusing on getting her breathing back to normal. The night hadn’t gone exactly as planned, but, so far, nothing had gone terribly wrong. She could only hope it stayed that way. Rei pushed herself away from the wall and made her way down the hallway towards her bedroom, closing her door behind her just as downstairs the TV alerted her mother to breaking news. As Ms. Akiyama was stunned to hear of the bombing just a few miles from her, Rei was tossing her backpack on the floor next to her desk and throwing herself face down on her bed. She was slightly dazed and more than exhausted. Part of her couldn’t believe the events of the night. Yes, they had been making plans for weeks now, she had known this night was coming, but now that it was done…it felt surreal. She was terrified of what would come next. Still, there was one more thing she had to do before this night was over. Rei crept back to her bedroom door, listened carefully, then cracked the door ever so slightly. The distant sounds of the TV still drifted up the stairs and the hallway was empty. Closing the door silently, she rushed across the carpet in socked feet to her desk, which, looking back over her shoulder towards the door, she inched away from the wall. Kneeling down, Rei reached behind the desk and pried off a piece of the baseboard to reveal a small crevice between the wall and the floor from which Rei produced a cell phone at least a decade old. It was black with a silver lined screen and a numeric keyboard. Rei brought up the messaging app only to be greeted with over a dozen texts; each was from a different number, but they all said the same thing: “home safe.” She sighed with relief, painstakingly typed out her own missive (“home safe”) on the numeric keyboard and pressed send before immediately replacing the phone in its hiding place and putting everything back in order. Now, Rei thought, it was time to get ready for bed. Chapter Two “It was confirmed early this morning that there were no casualties or injuries in last night’s explosion at the Greenham City Hall, which occurred at exactly 10PM and destroyed most of the building’s eastern half. While authorities have yet to make any statements regarding the cause of the explosion, many are already speculating that this was an act of domestic terrorism committed by the radical leftist feminist group Rebel in response to recent social policy legislation restricting the rights of women under twenty-eight. Supporters of this theory have been quick to point out that the offices of the newly established Office of Juvenile Affairs, which was formed to enforce these new policies, was located in the eastern wing of the Greenham City Hall. We’ll be sure to bring you all the breaking details on this story as it develops. Back to you in the studio, Steve.” As the news switched back to less interesting stories, Ms. Akiyama turned her attention away from the tablet propped up on the kitchen counter and back to the cast iron skillet in front of her where the pancakes were beginning to form bubbles along the edge of the batter. She flipped them with the kind of perfection that only came with years of practice and shook her head, it was just terrible what had happened. She knew some people thought the new laws were going too far, but surely bombing buildings was going just as far, if not further. No, it wasn’t the proper way to go about voicing dissent at all. And if this was the kind of stuff feminism was preaching these days, maybe there was some sense to these new laws. Certainly they didn’t teach girls to behave that way when she was younger. Ms. Akiyama just prayed Rei’s head wasn’t being filled with this kind of stuff at that college she had begged so hard to go to. Maybe it wasn’t too late to put her in a vocational school; with a little discipline, Rei could make an excellent secretary. Or maybe she could get Rei a job working at a daycare; Rei always liked children, and maybe tapping into Rei’s maternal instincts was just what was needed to make sure she stayed on the right path. Or, there was always… No, no, Ms. Akiyama shoved that thought away. Rei was a good kid; a bit headstrong, but a good kid, surely that option was too drastic. Ms. Akiyama sighed as she stacked the pancakes on the steadily growing pile; she just wanted Rei to be safe and have a nice, happy life. She didn’t want her daughter falling in with the wrong crowd and getting herself in trouble. It wasn’t easy raising a daughter in such complicated times. Ms. Akiyama was still musing on such matters when Rei shuffled sleepily into the kitchen, almost instinctively following the smell of pancakes. “Pancakes?” Rei asked hopefully. “Does that mean school is canceled?” Mom typically never made pancakes on weekdays. “It sure does,” Ms. Akiyama replied cheerfully, trying to hide the somber mood the news had put her in. “Have you looked outside? We got quite a lot of snow!” Rei grinned and rushed out of the kitchen and into the living room and its bay window overlooking their front yard and the street beyond. Everything was white and brilliantly bright in the morning sun, covered in what must have been at least five or six inches of snow. Even the road was covered; it seemed like the snowplows hadn’t made it to their neighborhood yet. Rei couldn’t help but stare out the window in wonderment; she had always loved the snow. There was just something magical about it. Behind her, Ms. Akiyama leaned against the door frame and grinned. When it came to snow, kids were always kids. “Come on,” Ms. Akiyama said after giving Rei a few moments to take in the wintery spread, “the pancakes are getting cold.” She turned and headed back in to the kitchen without checking to make sure Rei was following her. The news was once again talking about last night’s incident, so Ms. Akiyama quickly turned it off as she grabbed the plate of pancakes; she didn’t want to upset Rei with such terrible news first thing in the morning. “So,” Ms. Akiyama said as she set the plate of pancakes on the table and Rei settled into her seat, “you were working on an essay with your professor last night?” She grabbed the syrup from the fridge before settling into her own seat. “Um, yeah,” Rei responded simply as she loaded her plate with pancakes, “my midterm essay,” she added after a moment. “Oh, that’s nice,” Ms. Akiyama passed the syrup across the table and took a couple pancakes off the stack for herself. “What’s it about?” “Um,” Rei was drenching her pancakes in syrup, “well, it’s…well, our professor gave us some articles to choose from and we just have to like respond to one of them.” “Interesting, what kind of articles?” “Just, you know, current events stuff.” “Uh-huh, and what article did you choose?” Sure, Ms. Akiyama was testing the waters, trying to see what kind of stuff Rei was learning at school, but, to her credit, she was genuinely interested in her daughter’s life. Rei, on the other hand, was getting nervous. Her mother didn’t usually ask her this many questions about her schoolwork. Rei liked that her mother didn’t ask her about her schoolwork. Rei thought the less her mother asked about her schoolwork, the better. Why was her mother suddenly interested? She thought about lying, but if her mother asked to see the essay, she’d be caught immediately. “Well, just about…about the passing of The Hayes Act…” “Oh, I see.” Rei shoveled a too large bite of pancakes into her mouth to avoid having to respond. Oh, I see? What did that mean? Rei tried to smile around the bite of pancakes, but her eyes were searching her mother’s face for anything that might hint to her true reaction. Ms. Akiyama worked to keep her face as passive as possible, raising her cup and taking a long, slow sip of coffee to help her efforts. She had barely discussed the act with her daughter since its passage six months ago. She hadn’t needed to much, and it had always felt like such a…touchy subject. “Why did you choose that article?” Ms. Akiyama asked, trying hard to sound casual but interested and definitely non-confrontational. Just a mom interested in her daughter’s schoolwork. Rei speared a hunk of pancake with her fork and cut it away from the rest with her knife, “Um, I just thought the article was interesting,” she spoke with her head down, giving her voice a muffled quality. “What was the article about?” Ms. Akiyama knew Rei had strong feelings about The Hayes Act, and she couldn’t blame her. Rei had turned nineteen a month before the law had passed; she had been an adult for thirteen months when she once again became a child in the eyes of the law for another nine years. Of course, Ms. Akiyama understood why her daughter felt so strongly about it; she respected Rei’s passion, but she wished Rei could accept that there was nothing that could be done. She wished Rei could just accept that the world wasn’t what her mother had promised it would be she told Rei she could grow up to be whatever she wanted. “Just,” Rei shrugged, “I guess the author was talking about how it shouldn’t have passed and stuff…” The two were in a minefield; they both knew it. Neither wanted this to end in an explosion, but one couldn’t leave, and the other couldn’t leave well enough alone. “Oh,” Ms. Akiyama said, “do you talk about that kind of stuff a lot in school?” The last time they had discussed The Hayes Act had been when it had come time for Rei to enroll in her second year at Greenham Community College. With Rei then legally a child, she needed Ms. Akiyama’s permission to continue attending college. Ms. Akiyama could have stopped her; she had certainly been tempted to do it. Rei shrugged, “What do you mean ‘that kind of stuff’?” “Stuff like The Hayes Act? Politics?” “I guess, sometimes.” “What kind of stuff do they teach you about it?” Rei shrugged, “I mean, they just like…explain how it came to be. Historically, you know?” “I see.” Ms. Akiyama could sense her daughter getting…defensive? Evasive? She was certainly becoming something. Maybe it was time to pump the brakes. “I just worry,” Ms. Akiyama said, genuinely thinking it would help defuse the situation. “Worried?!” Rei said a little too loudly, “there’s nothing to worry about, Mom!” “It’s just…I hear a lot these days about what kinds of things colleges are teaching and—” “Mo-om!” “—and I don’t want them filling your head with the wrong kinds of ideas, that’s all!” “Mom, they are not…brainwashing me, okay?” “I didn’t say brainwashing, okay? I just hear what kinds of things colleges teach these days, that’s all,” Ms. Akiyama repeated. Rei slumped in her chair. Her mom had managed to ruin pancakes. “I just want you to be happy,” Ms. Akiyama said after a long, awkward pause. She reached across the table to take her daughter’s hand. “College just makes things harder for most girls these days, and, besides, you study so much, it’s not good for you.” “But I like school, Mom. It makes me happy.” “Well, why don’t we sign you up for one of those extended high school for girls programs?” Ms. Akiyama smiled, genuinely thinking it would be a good suggestion. “Ugh, Mom,” Rei withdrew her hand and shot her mother a withering look, “those are just housewife classes.” “There’s nothing wrong with that, Rei!” “I’m not saying there is,” Rei protested, “it’s just not what I want to do.” “I know, you want to be a teacher, but I just don’t…well…you can’t be a teacher for another nine years, what if by then they don’t let women be teachers anymore?” A silence fell over the room as both mother and daughter felt the weight of that thought. It was a legitimate concern. “I don’t know, Mom,” Rei said at last, sounding crestfallen. “But what am I supposed to do?” Ms. Akiyama frowned. Like most mothers, deep down she just wanted her child to be happy. Part of her really wished her child could have her dream, but most of her knew it simply wasn’t meant to be and there was nothing that could change that. Most of her just wanted to help Rei find another way to be happy. Without a word, Ms. Akiyama rose from the table and cleared their plates. Breakfast was clearly over. On her way out of the kitchen, she lightly ruffled Rei’s hair, “Go on,” she said, “enjoy your snow day, okay? But just…think about the extended high school program?” Rei nodded.

If you want a loud crinkle, go to Baby Pants store and get some PEVA plastic pants, those will do the trick.

Daddy will enjoy it I’m quite sure

Congrats on the milestone, and thanks for sharing your very entertaining stories, which are always well written. Here's to another five more soggy years, and many more.

Hi, I understand this completely. I am primarily a DL but I do 'play' little sometimes. However, I have no desire to lose my intelligence so I play as a bigger kid / young teenager who has not been potty trained. This way I can hold a conversation, go out and about, but still need diapers and to be changed. I do like a bottle and dummy though. I like the cared for feeling too.

Hi and welcome to DD. Nice to meet you, glad to have you join us here. Come in, and make yourself comfy. Lots of good likeminded people her. If you have questions, just ask. Relax, have fun, and enjoy!

I've been somehow on a morning messing schedule for the past few years. I mess my diaper every morning while I drink my coffee, without any pushing. I don't change right away, and usually have a second or third BM within a half hour or so. And then before showering, I'll give a push attempt to see if there's anything else in there before taking my diaper off, (But i'm usually empty at that point). Other than the morning, I usually don't have to poop during the rest of the daytime. However, there are some rare exceptions where I will have a need for a daytime BM, but a very small percentage of the time. I would suggest you try to get onto a schedule like this, so you can take care of your BM's in the morning before you shower. As far as accomplishing this, It could have something to do with that I drink lots of water before bed, for better sleep and extra hydration. I hardly drink soda, and also drink plenty of water during the day.

Welcome to DD there's plenty of support and like minded folks here that will encourage and assist you in your journey!

There's nothing wrong with expecting compensation for services. If my job asked me to work for free, I probably would look for a different one.

I used to do this with husband #1 because he wasn't 100% OK with it. Husband #2 is fab so no need to ask

Yes, I'll still post on Sunday.

Well, here I am. It's been 5 years since I put myself back in diapers. I never thought this crazy experiment would continue for so long. I'm wearing a slightly damp Rearz Little Splash and I'm about to embark on assembling a school project for my daughter, so I don't have much time to write right now, although I may come back to this later, depending on where the day takes me. The main theme of this circus on wheels seems to be the exorcising (with is different from exercising... there has also been some of that) the shame and anxiety around wearing diapers, and around wanting to wear diapers, that was burned into me during my first childhood experience navigating the world from within disposable plastic underpants. It's been 5 years, and while this is still not "normal", it is at least possible, generally routine, and largely enjoyable. I'm amazed and humbled by the quiet acceptance I have been graced with, on the part of my friends and family who are at least somewhat in the know. I haven't gone out of my way to enlighten anyone, with the exception of my spouse, about the unusual nature of my foundation garments, but five years is a long time to do something all the time, everywhere, so the odds inevitably stack up for people you spend a lot of time with to possibly notice "something." Just as if I had been wearing a hair piece for the last five years, by now, a few people would probably know about it. So far, that hasn't changed anything that I can detect, in the quality of the relationships. Well, other than the occasional barbed comeback from my spouse, but she would be doing that anyway, just using other topics, were I not prone to wearing absurd underpants. I'm nowhere near having lost control of any functionality during the day - as I said elsewhere, this does not seem to be a slippery slope, at least for me, but more like one covered in grip tape, that you have to deliberately walk down. I do wet the bed sometimes - well, wet in bed, so that does seem to be a side effect of wearing diapers to bed every night for years, at least for me, although being that I was a bedwetter as a kid, I'm not sure how generalizable this experimental data is to the greater population. Caveat emptor. So how much longer will I be at this? Right now, I have no plans to change course. I also want to mention once again how much it has meant to me to be able to share this journey with all of you, and to interact with this community. I really think it has been a major boon to my mental health; for the first 3+ decades of my life, I thought I was the only member of my species, the one weird kid who didn't mind wearing diapers, doomed to walk the earth alone, at least as far as that aspect of my personality was concerned. Meeting and interacting with like-minded individuals, so many smart and interesting people, has bolstered my confidence more than my plastic underpants alone ever could. So thank you.

That's really kind of you! I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he forgot he donated, or didn't recognize the charge, but its getting harder to do that as he ignores me.

I tossed in a spare $15. I can do without lunch today.

Whoever did that almost deserves to be banned from the site

Anyone still in the area over Easter?

LOVE WITHOUT MEASURE The sorority girls came down the stairs in groups of four, and as the funereal procession to the dining room advanced, each quartet confirmed the shrewdness of Bernice Miller's judgment. The house mom had scribbled a “C” next to the name of each Council member on her roster, and check marks separated those on the list she considered suspect from those she did not. The most likely suspects had received two checks. The seven members of the governing Council fell in the latter category. While the rest of the officers on duty retreated to the street to restore order and get traffic moving again, Priscilla and three others were charged with getting each quartet seated in the dining room. It was as obvious to Ian as it was to Bernice, Julia and Chief Mischof that the first four groups didn't have a clue. The diapers heaped in a pile at the front of the room didn't register on any of their faces, and they were clearly bewildered when Priscilla ordered them to take seats at the back. The fifth quartet was a different matter altogether. The girls eyes went wide when they spotted the bags of Lullaby's finest, and each paused in mid step as she entered the room. Once seated, they began to talk in conspiratorial whispers, occasionally leaning back to answer a question from one of the girls who had preceded them. The fifth group was the first on Bernice's list to receive check marks. Faltering footsteps and wide-eyed, fearful glances at the bags of diapers betrayed one group after another, making it clear to Ian and the others that fully two-thirds of the sorority seemed to be in the know. When everyone was seated except for the five members of the Council still upstairs, Ian took Priscilla aside and asked her to bring Janis Marsden down by herself. He wanted to see how the others responded to her; in particular, he was curious to learn how many of the girls even knew what she had done. He also advised her to cuff Janis and take her into the office once they had finished making their pitch. He hoped that one dramatic gesture would sober the entire sorority up in a hurry. When Melanie Wilson, Joyce Wiggins, Kimberly Doyle and Amanda Cunningham entered the chamber, the jig was well and truly up. At every turn, they were welcomed with daggers drawn, leaving no doubt in Chief Mischof's mind that he had pierced the heart of the conspiracy. Finally, Priscilla escorted a solitary Janis Marsden to a seat in the front row, which she had all to herself. Ian thought it curious that, like the other members of the Council, she was treated with scorn, but was not singled out for special treatment. Janis was hanging her head in shame, and it took every ounce of resolve that Ian could muster not to rush to her side, take her in his arms, and console her. He only steeled himself by thinking about the tricky game that he was about to play with Spats Belmondo, an ace in the hole that he wanted to hide up his sleeve and perhaps play on a later day. . . . . Decisions, decisions, decisions, Sarah sighed. She was sitting on the couch, arms splayed, occasionally glancing in Vickie's direction to make sure that her baby girl still had her nose pressed to the wall. What do you think, folks? Should I pump again, or warm up baby girl's yummy bottles of laxatives and diuretics? Yeah, you're right. We want her diaper to be wet and messy come the morning. We want her to think that she's already lost nighttime control, and needs her diapers for real. And if she should happen to fill her diapers again while driving to work, Rita can take care of it. Sorry, my little poop monster, but we all know that a steady diet of breast milk will leave you with diminished control of both bladder and bowel. And breast milk is now a mainstay of your hitherto alcohol soaked diet … Getting up from the couch, Sarah strolled out to the kitchen to warm up Vickie's bottles. When they were ready and she was comfortably settled on the floor, her back resting against her couch, she ordered the baby girl to crawl over. Still sucking on her pacifier, Vickie readily obeyed, settling into Sarah's lap in anticipation of her feeding. Gently, Sarah lifted the baby girl's head to cradle it in her arm. She removed the pacifier, and offered her the bottle. Vickie accepted it readily, and began to nurse on the warm milk. “Mommy loves you soooo much, baby girl, do you know that?” Sarah was looking down into Vickie's eyes, her feelings warm and real. “You are going to be Mommy's sweet baby girl forever and ever, and Mommy will always love you. Always!” “Wuv Mama,” Vickie somehow managed to mumble around the nipple firmly planted in her mouth. “Wuv Mama,” she repeated. And it was true. Deep inside Victoria Robinson, there was a lonely little girl starved for affection. Her birth mother had been emotionally distant, her feelings genuine only when she was expressing her disappointment in her daughter's behavior. Her father had always taken her mother's side, the prototypical absentee father. She knew that, on more than one occasion, he had forgotten her birthday. An envelope hastily stuffed with cash left bitter memories of the party that he had come home late to attend on her fourteenth. A few weeks later, she had taken her revenge by sacrificing her virginity to a boy whose face she could no longer summon up from the store of her memories. Unbidden, Vickie reached up to clasp her mommy's arm, and the infantile gesture struck a chord deep in Sarah's psyche. She accepts me as her Mommy! Sarah didn't know how or why this was happening, but she could see it in Vickie's eyes: the measure of acceptance. And in that moment, Sarah's world changed. I have a daughter … a baby girl for real! And I love her! My hopelessly confused, totally mixed up, sweet baby girl. I love her! The realization stunned her. In an instant, Vickie had gone from being the friend of whom she was a bit jealous to a responsibility at once in need of discipline and love. For how long have we been deaf to her cries for help? For how long?? God! Is Ian the only person ever to say the three magic words to her … to speak them with conviction and feeling? How could the rest of us have been so blind? Gazing into Vickie's eyes, a baby sucking so contentedly on her ba ba, Sarah impulsively leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I love you, baby girl,” she whispered; “I really, really love you, and we are going to start over. All the years that I've known you, and I don't even know your mother's name. Not once have you ever mentioned her … even referred to her. Was she ever there for you? Ever?” In response, Vickie's grip on Sarah's arm tightened. “Wuv Mama.” It was all that Vickie could get out, but her grip on Sarah's arm never faltered. Is it possible to repair damage that runs this deep? There is only one way to find out! . . . . Standing at the front of the room, arms folded, Bernice Miller was genuinely angry, and she was letting it show. “In the morning,” she began, “Chief Mischof and I expect to be summoned to the Dean's office. After he reads the Chief's report, it would not surprise me if the Dean reaches out to national and gets our charter revoked. It's happened before, and for reasons far less serious.” Bernice walked over and lightly kicked one of the bags of diapers. “Twenty-three separate acts,” she continued, “not including Janis' stealing from the hospital. Twentythree. And guess what … you get to meet the last victim because Professor Grady is sitting right here. Do you know his story? If not, let me share some of it with you: three tours in Viet Nam … four purple hearts … barely alive when evacuated from his last battlefield. Then came nine months of surgeries and rehabilitation before he left the hospital-- wearing a diaper and leaning on a cane. And his is just one story; there are twenty-two others. It's screamingly obvious that the Council put a lot of time into this, and that more than half the people in this room knew what they were planning. Did any of you ever think about the people your actions would be hurting? Anyone?” “No, I didn't think so,” Bernice concluded. No one was willing to look her in the eye. As Bernice sat down, Chief Mischof stood up to take her place. “Let me bring you up to date. Tippi Bjornsen and Cindy Carlson have been taken into custody, transported to jail, and in the morning will go before a judge. Processing them will take time, because the poor clerk who has to type up the charge sheet has his work cut out for him. Miss Marsden here is also under arrest, for a separate but related crime, and in due course will be joining them. I expect others in this room to be taking the trip as well.” The Chief walked over to the untidy cache of diapers, and shook his head. “You may wonder why we are taking this so seriously, even to the point of reading each of you your Miranda rights, and being prepared to seek warrants to search the rooms of anyone here who does not cooperate. Well, let's start with the fact that the houses make up less than five percent of the student body population, but are responsible for more than seventy percent of the complaints that we have to investigate. The judge is going to hand out some hefty fines because someone has to pay for the twenty-three officers dispatched to investigate the thefts and write up reports on each one of them. Someone has to pay for the processing, housing, transport to the courtroom-- and did I mention the District Attorney's office? Well, guess what; Mister Ballstrom was here earlier, and is going to present this case to the court personally. He takes it very seriously.” The Chief began pacing back and forth in front of the assembly. “Want to plead not guilty, and take your case to trial? See why that fine is just going to get bigger and bigger? And the press will have a field day … they just love the term 'criminal conspiracy'. Right now, we can keep your names out of the press, but once this case is scheduled for trial? Nope. You will be splattered all over the newspapers, the TV and the airwaves. Whether you are found guilty or not, the notoriety will follow you for years to come. God forbid what it will do to your parents.” “In the ordinary course of things,” the Chief continued, “this would be a slam dunk. Plead guilty. Pay the fine. Do community service. Mind your P's and Q's while you're on probation. Your names remain hidden, and in the end your records are expunged. But the DA is going to handle the matter personally because, this time, the same old, same old will probably get you killed. Detective Canon will explain.” Julia took over. “I'm the lady you ran all over town.” She noted with satisfaction that the shock waves that the Chief's closing remark had triggered were still rippling across the room. “And sometime tomorrow, I expect to have an ugly meeting with the client who hired me to investigate this matter-- the gentleman who owns Lullaby Diaper Service. His name is Vincent Belmondo, although he is better known as Spats Belmondo. Congratulations, ladies; you targeted Minneapolis' Mafia kingpin, and he hired me to find you. He does not want the police mixed up in this because you have humiliated him, and he wants revenge. He cannot afford to turn the other cheek because it would be seen as weakness, and rivals would seek to exploit it. No. He wants you, and what he's planning to do with you is feed you, feet first, into a wood chipper. You will, of course, be alive when he turns on the switch. I should imagine that it's a most unpleasant way to die.” “Oh, God,” one of the girls moaned. “You stupid cunts,” someone else yelled at the members of the Council. They were trying to make themselves invisible, and failing miserably. “So the problem,” Julia calmly continued, “is to find a solution that will make Spats happy, and that the DA can sell to the judge. We think that Professor Grady has come up with the answer, inspired no doubt by his many years of practical experience wearing and using diapers. I'll let him explain.” Julia nodded at Ian, and sat down. “The DA and I have cut a deal. A stiff fine, probation, and community service as candy stripers until you graduate. I can place some of you in the hospital over yonder.” Ian nodded in the general direction of the river and the complex just beyond. “But there are two other medical facilities within walking distance of this house, so placement won't be an issue.” Ian looked around the room, seeking and making eye contact. “This will satisfy the judge,” he went on, “but not Spats Belmondo. What may satisfy him is if you become his clients-- clients of Lullaby Diaper Service. So, it comes down to this: everyone in this sorority will have to agree to wear and use diapers 24/7 until you graduate. Spats can turn a nice profit, revel in your humiliation, and you walk away with your reputations reasonably intact. Your social life will be ruined, but on the plus side, your grades should go up. As deals go, it sure beats the wood chipper.” “No!,” a girl at the very back of the room protested. “I had nothing to do with this, and I'm not about to spend the next year and a half shitting myself to appease a mobster. Go screw yourself!” “Fine,” Ian mildly rejoined. “Who would you like to start with? Come on, you choose the first victim. Melanie Wilson, perhaps? She's in this up to her eyeballs, so she'd be a good choice. But perhaps there's someone else on the Council that you'd like Spats to run through the wood chipper, to become a tasty snack for the pigs that he keeps on a farm down in Iowa. You decide.” Ian had strolled up to the second row of seats, and he reached out to clamp a hand firmly on Melanie's shoulder. She looked like she was ready to puke, and he wanted to spare her the indignity. “You de … de … cide,” he stuttered, the room suddenly spinning around him. The rats feasted, initially on the exposed flesh. But when there was no resistance, they were emboldened. Some got inside the clothing and burrowed into the intestines, eating their fill. Others went after the eyes, a tasty morsel. The photos had come later, when the tropical heat and humidity had taken over where the rats had left off. Identifying Nguyen had been a challenge, Anh and his parents-inlaw more difficult still. The entire village … “IAN!” Somebody was screaming his name … “But that's not right. I'm Street Racer ...” “SMELLING SALTS,” Priscilla yelled; “SMELLING SALTS!!” Bernice dashed into her office to grab the first aid kit. Standing close by and paying close attention, Priscilla had heard Ian's voice trail off, got to him as he dropped to his knees, passing out as she caught him, his weight carrying both of them to the floor. It had taken hours to reach Minh … or so it felt. Rationally, Street Racer knew that it couldn't have been more than a minute. “Can't walk,” Minh had grunted, “legs are gone.” “It's a nice day.” Street Racer grimaced, the transition to Vietnamese seamless but the pain getting worse by the second. “A good day to die. Can you light 'em up?” He had somehow hoisted Minh onto his shoulders, his brother-in-law still gripping his weapon. He was vaguely aware that Quy had risen from the rice paddy, closed the distance to protect his right flank. Slowly, staggering under the weight, Street Racer headed in the direction of the LZ, the choppers now landing in a steady stream, evacuating the POW's that they had liberated from the hellhole southwest of Hanoi. The raid had been a brilliant success, until the rains had come early, forcing them to head west, into the mountains that separated them from the Laotian frontier. Everything had conspired to slow them down, to miss the rendezvous at the secondary … A stray round slammed into his chest, the right side of his rib cage on fire. He was looking to his right, toward the tree line when Quy's chest exploded in a cascade of torn flesh and blood, knocking him off his feet. Street reached out to get a grip on his fatigues, his mind willing him to drag his brother-in-law to safety even as his body began to give out ... “We need to elevate his legs.” Janis was struggling to remain calm, fighting to draw upon the knowledge that she had won in the long hours of her rounds in the hospital. She had found a couple of throw pillows to put under his ankles, but needed more. Chief Mischof removed his jacket, hastily bundled it, and pushed it under Ian's left knee. Watching her daughter the whole time, Julia did the same, sliding her coat under his right knee. Bernice unceremoniously dropped to the floor, cracked the ampule, and waved it under Ian's nose. Ian was prone on the floor, his head cradled in Priscilla's arms. “Ian, do you hear me? Do you?” She was sobbing, willing him to wake up. “I love you. Do you hear me, Secret Agent Man, do you? I love you, and you are not going to die on me! Not now, not ever!” “Here!” Kimberly had had the presence of mind to race to the living room, grab two cushions off the couch, and rush them back. Janis used them to elevate his ankles still higher. “Wha … what happened?” Ian was returning to consciousness, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. He remembered being in Viet Nam, but not how he had got there. It was all a blur. “Another seizure,” Priscilla cried. “It happened, just like Vickie said it would happen.” “The pig sty,” he groaned. “The rats,” she guessed. Someone brought a wet wash cloth, and she used it to mop his brow. His skin had been pale and lifeless only moments before, and now sweat was pouring off of him. Priscilla feared that the rats would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life. “I love you.” “I know,” she said with a manufactured smile. “Your third lady of the week, and fourth of the month. But that's okay. I'm lucky to have you, and I'm willing to share. But there will be no more running off to save the world, do you hear me? The President can send somebody else to Poland, or Iran, or wherever it is that you're supposed to go next week. I'm not having it!” Julia started to speak, then shut her mouth with an audible snap. Now was not the time. “Do you think that you can stand,” Bernice asked as she slowly climbed to her feet. “Lying on the floor in the middle of the dining room is a bit undignified.” “I'm getting too old for this,” the Chief huffed as he also stood up. “And we still haven't resolved this mess.” “No,” Ian agreed as he managed to get onto his knees, and then with the Chief's help onto his feet. “We haven't.” Staggering, Ian reached out to grab the back of a chair, knowing that there was still work to be done. And perversely, he badly needed a diaper change. Later. Looking around, Ian could see that the room was in turmoil. Some of the girls were still seated, while others were up and milling around, talking to their friends and trying to get a handle on the situation. As he watched, two of the girls tried to leave, but the officers blocking the doorways politely but firmly instructed them to return to their seats. They are all so young … The floodgates opened, and memories began pouring into his conscious mind-- memories of childhood and innocence, and innocence lost. Lives lost. Willie Ross swam up once more from the depths, the nineteen year old kid with the perpetual smile, raised by loving parents to treat everyone around him with kindness. A baby abandoned on the outskirts of a village, lying there helpless, unable to escape the pitiless sun? Of course Willie picked the child up-- it was in his nature. And the anti personnel mine concealed beneath the infant had detonated, shredding them both. Holding onto the chair for dear life, eyes tightly shut in a hopeless attempt to ward off the pain, Ian shuddered. From a great distance, he felt a hand reach out to clasp his own. They need to hear the truth. You cannot let them make the wrong choice. Open your heart to them … teach them to love without measure … Nguyen? Rapidly blinking, Ian opened his eyes, unaware of the tears that were trickling down his cheeks. “You can do this,” Priscilla whispered, gripping his hand still more tightly to reassure him. “You are the bravest person I have ever met, and you can do this. Open your heart, and they will look inside theirs. Go on.” “Listen up, everybody!” Priscilla clapped her hands to get the room's attention. “Ian … Professor Grady has something to say that you need to hear. I'm not going to sugarcoat this. When he confided in me this afternoon, parts of it were so bad that I came close to putting my head in the trash can and puking my guts up. Some of it is going to give me nightmares, so I've asked him to edit it. But you need to hear it.” The girls looked at one another in confusion, no one quite knowing what to do. “Park it,” Bernice roared. Everyone scrambled to find a seat. “Thank you.” Ian said, stalling for time while he collected his thoughts. “What you just saw was a flashback, my third of the week. My doctor says that, just as a fuse blows to protect an overloaded circuit, my brain hurls me back to Viet Nam … back to the worst moments of my life … to prevent me from making decisions. And it does so with good reason.” Looking around the room, it was clear that some of the girls were paying attention, but others were just going through the motions for the sake of politeness. Ian abruptly decided to try a different tack. “I'm curious. How many of you are twenty-one?” Hands went up throughout the room, but instead of counting, Ian looked over to Bernice. “Fourteen,” she said, “including the two who are still absent.” “I was twenty-one when I landed in Viet Nam, and took command of a platoon. I was in way over my head, but I was fortunate to have a highly experienced sergeant to lean on. But I still made mistakes, and one of them killed a goodhearted kid from Alabama. He was nineteen years old, which I guess would make him a sophomore today … maybe a member of one of the fraternities. But he came home in a body bag, and yet he still talks to me in my dreams. That's guilt, and I have a mountain of it eating away at me. My therapist says that, to get better, I have to bring it out into the open, embrace it, and somehow find the grace to forgive myself, but that's easier said than done.” Ian had their attention now. Even the cops in the doorways were listening hard. “In February of sixty eight, I was wounded badly enough to end my army career, but not my military service. My ability to speak Vietnamese, and several other languages, kept me in country, but fighting in the shadows. I was now outside the chain of command, reporting to a civilian at the Pentagon, the Special Assistant for Counterinsurgency and Special Activities. The unit I pieced together became the tip of the special operations spear, carrying out one high risk mission after another in the North and South, in Laos and Cambodia. We had little interaction with the regular military, and in our isolation truly became a band of brothers … a family in the truest sense of the word … and I failed them.” Ian barely registered the sharp intakes of breath that swept across the room. “We had sworn an oath … our Commandment, really: everyone comes home. Whole, wounded, in a body bag, we leave no one behind. And in the last battle, I left two men in the field, two Vietnamese sergeants … my brothers-in-law, Minh and Quy ...” “WHAT,” Julia yelped, her cry echoed by others, a shock wave rolling back and forth in the confined space. “It's a compact,” he whispered, the pain visible now, framing each word, every syllable. “and I … I … I was wounded, but they … I was carrying Minh over my shoulders, and dragging Quy … already dead, maybe … I'm not sure. And then another round came in, fragmented in my spine, knocked me down. I lost my grip just as a chopper swooped in … the last chopper … someone dragged me aboard … I remember him screaming something like 'they're dead, let's go' … and we left them behind. My family.” “No! That's not fair!” Janis had not spoken with her mother, but Marilyn had left a message with the office to let her know that she was now representing Ian and would be shielding him. The note was still sitting on the desk in her room, asking her to thank all of the sisters that had stood duty outside his office, keeping the headhunters at bay. Her mother could not protect him from a nightmare. “You can't do this,” she protested, climbing to her feet, “because it's wrong. You were hurt so bad that you spent months in hospitals. There was nothing you could do! Nothing!!” “I'm sorry, Janis, but there's more.” Ian didn't know why, but it was somehow easier to confess his sins to one person than to a sea of disembodied faces. “We needed a base of operations, and because it was ideally located and we were welcome, I gravitated to Minh and Quy's village.” Ian took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. “I was twenty-two when I met Nguyen, and fell in love with this beautiful, kind and caring woman who loved me in return. And our marriage was blessed. I have a daughter, Janis; her name is Linh, which is pronounced 'Ling' in Viet Nam, but 'Lynn' in America. We were, you see, thinking ahead.” A wistful smile creased Ian's features. They had batted names around in the dark, his head resting on her belly, the baby kicking out in protest. She had run her fingers through his hair, always so unruly. Julia gaped, as stunned as everyone else in the room. She stared at her daughter, watching the play of emotions washing across her features. Her gaze never wandered, and what Julia saw was pride and pain infusing love so intense that it radiated off of her in waves. In that moment, she realized that she had lost her little girl. And she knew how this story would end. There could be only one reason for this man to tell this story to this audience, to revisit all this pain. Scanning the room, seeing in their faces that none of the girls sensed how it would go … she pitied them for the choice that he would set before them. And she understood why her daughter had fallen in love. Julia had been wrong. Ian had not pulled the wool over her daughter's eyes. He had told her the truth. And Priscilla had embraced it, granted him the absolution of the confessional. Bernice Miller also knew what was coming. She had been widowed at twenty-seven, the telegram coming out of the darkness, her husband fallen at Pork Chop Hill. Eighteen months later, she had moved into the house, sharing it with young women less than a decade her junior. She had never remarried, and still wore her wedding ring. Bernice did not know what choice her charges would make, but they would choose, and their choices would have lasting consequences. This was the night, she sadly thought, when they would suffer childhood's end. Walt Mischof turned his head just enough to steal a glance at Bernice. They had known each other for so long, and had made the short trip together more than once-- to lay flowers on the graves of Bernice's husband and Walt's brother, both laid to rest in the VA cemetery out by the airport. The Chief knew that Bernice was childless, and that for all her bluster, she dearly loved the girls in her care-- an entire generation, and more, that she had taken from … How does the song go? “From crayons to perfume” … He knew that she was hurting, sadness and regret marring her features. Although the ground was snow covered, he resolved to ask her to join him in another visit once term came to an end, when almost every student went home for the holidays. Although it won't be much of a holiday for these girls … “I always left a skeleton force behind to secure the village in our absence,” Ian continued, “but not once did I leave Minh and Quy behind … and that was my mistake. When I was wounded … while I was in the hospital … the unit was disbanded, and my men moved on. There was no one left to defend the village … and at some point it was attacked. I knew nothing until I went home … to the village … and found it deserted. Even then, it took time to piece together what had happened ...” Ian dipped his head and so did not see the looks of horror as the truth began to dawn around the room. “I saw photos,” he went on, still oblivious. “My wife … my sister in law … her parents … everyone was dead, their bodies left where they had fallen. Everyone except the babies and small children. We … we think that someone who knew about my gift for languages also knew that I had a child, who would be incredibly valuable if she inherited my gift. But whoever did this did not know which child, so they played it safe by taking them all and leaving no one alive to tell the tale. And it was only by accident that we were able to piece together what had happened.” Ian looked over at Julia, knowing full well that she had unmasked him. “This was eight years ago, and on that day the search for my daughter began. I made a deal … some would say with the Devil. I travel the globe putting my talents to work for the CIA, and in return they have made finding Linh a priority mission. Others are searching as well, including ...” Looking up, Ian grinned sheepishly. “Including Mafia overlords, with whom I have a somewhat complex relationship. And that brings me to Spats Belmondo.” Reading the room, Chief Mischof chuckled to himself. The hammer was about to fall, and every head was upturned, awaiting the blow. “I don't know the man, but I do know the mindset. Julia is right. You've humiliated a Mafia don, and he can't ignore the hit. If he doesn't respond, his enemies will sense weakness and seek to exploit it, and the danger of betrayal within his own ranks is greater still. We have to make him the proverbial offer that he can't refuse; otherwise he will come for you, and there will be no easy deaths. An oldie but goodie would be to turn you into addicts, and then put you to work in the streets. Life expectancy? Less than three years.” The Chief estimated that more than half the people in the room were terror stricken-- and his officers covering the doorways didn't look so good either. But it wasn't every day that a CIA agent with the Professor's vast experience showed up so bluntly to talk about the facts of life. “I don't envy you your choices,” Ian concluded, “but I pray that you will prove wiser than me. There's the family you're born into, and the family you choose. Look around you, and ask yourself who you see. Are these mere acquaintances who share your life for a few years, and then depart, never to be seen again? Or are these what sorority girls have long styled themselves … sisters? Is this the family you have chosen?” Ian once more rested his hand on Melanie's shoulder. “I chose a family, and my mistakes cost them their lives. I'll carry that burden with me to the grave. If Tippi and Cindy, Janis and Melanie … others here … are your family, don't abandon them. If you do, the knowledge of what you have done will haunt you forever.” Ian turned to Priscilla, and mouthed one word. Nodding, she walked over to Janis and got her to her feet. Ian was gambling that cuffing her would bring home the reality of the situation in a way that mere words couldn't. Priscilla led her out of the room; she would get one of the officers on duty outside to put her in the back of a patrol car, collect Ian's diaper bag, and then return to change him. The battle for the sorority's collective soul would either be won or lost before she reentered the dining room. . . . . “Mommy, I poopy,” Vickie whined. “Let Mommy check,” Sarah replied as she kicked off the covers to roll over and sniff Vickie's butt. They had gone to bed only minutes before, entwined in each others arms. Vickie's head was cradled against Sarah's chest, and she was praying that her baby girl would begin to nurse. Sarah would cheerfully exchange the breast pump for Vickie's hungry mouth any day of the week and twice on Sunday. “Yep, you're poopy, all right. But don't worry; Mommy will clean you up and get you into a nice, dry diaper. Then we'll go to sleep, and Mommy will change you again in the morning.” Sarah reached over to the nightstand, grabbed Vickie's pacifier, and held it out to her. Vickie opened her mouth, accepted the offering, and began eagerly sucking on her binkie. Sarah had given up on the idea of sending Vickie to work in a dirty, stinky diaper. In so many ways, Vickie really was a big baby desperately in need of a mother's love, and Sarah was determined to see that she received it. In the morning, she would let Rita know that there had been a slight change in the plans for their new household, and a massive change in strategies. The antidote to Vickie's rebelliousness was to be found in diapers and baby pants, bottles and binkies, and above all in the love that a mommy and auntie could lavish upon their baby girl. A return to infancy would give the lonely little girl inside Victoria Robinson a chance to heel.

Good evening! I know I've kept you all waiting, but Chapter 8 is finally complete and here for you to enjoy. I'll just let the chapter speak for itself. I hope you like it, and as always, thank you for reading. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 8: Spaghetti & Secrets June 4th, 2023. 7:24pm My eyes open to the sound of the engine shutting off. That was a hell of a nap. I turn to my left, watching Emma unbuckle her seatbelt. I catch her eye, having noticed my awakening. “Come on sweetie, the quicker we get out, the quicker we can eat.” Groggily, I rub the drowsiness from my eyes before undoing the buckle, and stepping out of the car. I step into the parking lot, looking up at the brightened marquee before me; it reads La Luce Della Sera. “The night light?” I ask, unsure of the translation. “Close, my love. It means ‘The Evening Light’. But I guess ‘Night Light’ would be more appropriate for you, wouldn’t it?” I can feel my face becoming warm, doubly so when she takes my hand, walking me up to the stained glass doors. We stop just before entering, and Emma turns to look at me. “Now, how do you want this date to go? Would you like to stay in control, or would you like Mommy to take care of ordering for you?” Oh goddess, that really pushes my buttons. Should I just give in, and allow her to take hold of the evening? But it’s been so long since we’ve had a real date night. “I think tonight should just be about us, enjoying the evening without play.” Emma looks a bit disappointed but accepts my answer. “Alright love, let’s get inside.” Entering through the doors, my eyes take a second to adjust to the bright lighting inside. Hand in hand, we approach the host stand. A young gentleman looks up from his service screen. His well-dressed attire does not match his face, adorned with the horrifying side effects of puberty. I can tell from his skin that he washes daily, but the acne of youth seems to persist. “Hello, welcome to La Luce Della Sera. My name is Matt. Table for two?” “Yes, thank you, Matt.” Emma’s voice comes out in that professional tone I know, reserved for business meetings and professional scenarios. I guess this place is pretty fancy. “Perfect, we actually have a booth opened up at the moment; let me show you to your seats.” I’m glad we don’t have to wait, I’d probably starve to death if I had to stand here for too long. We follow Matt towards the back end of the restaurant, passing the tables adorned with pristine white tablecloths. I can smell the food of the other patrons, my mouth watering in anticipation. Reaching a small booth at the back corner of the establishment, he places a couple of menus down on the table. “Your server shall be with you shortly.” “Thank you, hun. Here, for your troubles.” She pulls a neatly folded Twenty from her purse, which Matt seems to be grateful for. Too many people forget to tip the host. “It’s my pleasure ma’am. Let me know if you need anything.” He returns to the host desk after a small bow, and we take our seats. I step into the C-shaped seating, sinking into the red-leathered upholstery. Emma does the same, setting her handbag underneath the tablecloth, the accessory disappearing from view. On the dining surface, a pair of menus sit in front of us, and silverware to the sides, wrapped up in maroon napkins. I can almost make out my reflection from the glassy finish of the rolled-up cutlery. “Dang Em, this place is beautiful. There’s such an aura to this establishment, like love clings to the very air,” She places her elbows on the table, clasping her hands together. She leans forward, giving me that smile I so adore. I said something right. One point for Roxie. I can feel my face becoming flushed, and I return her smile with one of my own; perhaps not one of the same confidence, but lovingly just the same, or so I hope. Looking at her now, it’s almost easy to forget that this was the same woman paddling my backside just a few hours ago. But looking at her now, I just see her. I see Emma, the woman who found me years ago, at my lowest point. The one who took me in, sheltered me, gave me warmth, and most of all, gifted me with her love. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what role we’re playing, or what contract we signed. To me, whether I call her “Mommy” or “Ma’am”, she’s still Emma at heart, and if I had to guess, it’s probably the same for her. Underneath all the diapers, onesies, and littleness, I’m still Roxie to her. But then, like a scratched DVD skipping to a different part of the scene, my mind flashes an afterimage to me. The contract. It says that I should call her " Ma’am " when out and about. Does that apply right now? I mean, I AM diapered at the moment. Even though I’m wearing ‘big-girl clothes’ over it, it’s still there. Are the rules still in effect? Did I already break one of them? I know I won’t find the answer inside my head, so I work up my nerve to ask. “Emma, should I…how should I refer to you right now?” My voice comes out as a shy whisper, not wanting those dining around us to overhear. “I mean, I know we’re on a date right now, but with…my current attire…what does that mean? Should I…call you…Ma’am right now.” It seems like I can’t stop blushing tonight. I probably look like a tomato dressed in black. This seems to get a humorous response from Emma, chuckling behind her closed hands. Was…was something I said funny? “Sorry baby, I’m not laughing at you, I just wasn’t expecting that one,” I feel slightly relieved, if not a tad bit ticked. “We’re on a grown-up date, so of course you can call me Emma.” “Sorry, I just thought…with the contract…” I can’t continue. I feel like I’m wearing a big ol’ dunce cap right now. “Oh, I see now,” she unclasps her hands and lays one of them face up on the table, opening her fingers. I place my hand on top, feeling her soft grip around my palm. “Honey, the contract is just a guideline, not doctrine. All it does is give us a clear idea of how we should act when playing; it doesn’t change anything about our romantic relationship. Right now, you’re an adult, despite your special underwear,” I know she’s being quiet enough for others to remain unaware, but I glance around, my paranoia briefly taking hold of my senses. Only after seeing for myself that everyone else is too wrapped up in their conversations do I return my eyes to Emma. “And when you’re an adult, you can assume the contract no longer applies. If we were on a ‘playdate’ on the other hand, things would be different, but tonight, you can call me Emma.” I feel much calmer having discussed my worries. I begin to get lost in those beautiful eyes of hers; so much so, that I almost don’t notice the arrival of our waitress. “Hello, welcome to La Luce Della Sera! My name’s Abby, and I’ll be your waitress for the evening,” Her plucky demeanor pulls all of the emotions out of the air, grounding me back to reality. “Can I start you off with something to drink? I highly recommend the Pinot Noir.” NOPE. No more alcohol, ever. My stomach turns just thinking of my drunken escapade. Besides, even if I wanted to drink, I have to drive my car back tonight, so that’s off the table. “Just a Diet Coke for me, please.” “And I’ll take a water, thank you.” I can see Abby is disappointed by our choices but writes them down in her notepad, her smile slightly cracking, but remaining on her face. I guess this place is big on upselling. “Alright, I’ll get those for you right away. Do you need a moment, or are you ready to order?” Shit, I almost forgot why we’re here. I hadn’t even begun to look over the menu, let alone make my choice. I look over to Emma and see her in the same conundrum. “I think we need a couple of moments.” Abby gives a small bow at my answer. “Of course ma’am. Take all of the time you need. I’ll be back in a few moments with your drinks.” She rushes towards the back of the restaurant, heading behind the swinging back door. No more words are exchanged between Emma and I, each busy burying our noses in the menus before us. I look over the entrees, mouth watering at the tantalizing pictures, before my eyes pop out of my head. What the fuck?!? Did they accidentally type an extra zero…on every price? I don’t think my wallet will survive the night. I’m now regretting spending so much at the card shop, not to mention the double shots from the prior evening. “Hey Em, this place might be a bit too…fancy for me,” She quizically raises her brow, unsure of what I mean. “I’m saying I don’t think I can afford these prices right now.” “You spent the last of your paycheck on cards and drinks, didn’t you?” I look away, too ashamed to answer. “Don’t worry babe, I’ve got tonight covered. After all, date night was my idea. We’ve really got to talk about your spending habits, but for now, let’s focus on tonight.” Says the woman who just set up a nursery in our spare room. I know that’s not fair to think. I know she works hard to earn her massive pay. Besides, I don’t even know how much she spent to get everything put together. In fact, how DID she get it together so quickly? I know I was gone for most of the day, but still, there must have been a lot of work putting everything together. More than that, there was the question of supplies. How do you get an adult-sized crib in the span of a single day? Even with her mysterious “friend”, it’s not like something that size can be finished in the span of an afternoon; the drafting, sanding, priming, it all takes a considerable amount of time. From my late nights of reading about ABDL ventures and businesses, I know that a crib is weeks, if not months, of work. Not to mention the stocking of supplies. Thinking back, the shelves were full of diapers, some with designs I know weren't in my personal stash. How did she get them so quickly? Even if she ordered them the same day she caught me, even the fastest shipping wouldn’t have gotten them there in time. It’s not like we had a fetish store anywhere near us; trust me, I’ve checked. The crib, the diapers, the pad for the changing table, none of it quite makes sense…unless she already had some supplies on hand. Has she…done this with someone else? She mentioned being into Ageplay, but how much of this does she have first-hand experience with? Her actions the other night didn’t feel like that of an amateur. It was too confident, too knowledgeable. What exactly hasn’t she told me? The pieces seem to fall into place, but the picture isn’t complete. The only thing that would make the most sense would be that she got a lot of the supplies from her unknown friend, or that same friend was holding onto stuff for her. Perhaps a mix of both? But that leaves me with more questions than answers. Like, what sort of friend would just happen to have a crib ready to go? If he did give her some supplies, was it some sort of favor, or did he ask for compensation? Same with the crib. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never, not once, seen Emma frivolously spend money. Perhaps this could’ve been an exception? But even that wouldn’t explain everything. If her friend was anything like me, their supplies were purchased for a reason. Someone is, or was, using them. And if that’s the case, whoever was using, or was going to use them, gave them up. Hundreds, perhaps thousands if you count the crib, of dollars of supplies, just given away? Money or no money, it doesn’t make sense to me. Just who is this friend of hers? I was so lost in thought, that I forgot where I was for a moment, only regaining my senses by the clearing of a throat to my side. Abby stands next to the table, pen and paper in hand. “And for you, Ma’am?” Shit, I was too lost in thought! Quick, what’s a good choice? Umm, AH THERE! “Sorry, I’ll have the Tagliatelle Bolognese, please.” Our waitress quickly scribbles the order down, her patience with me clearly being tested. “Alright, that’s one Cod Arracanato and one Tagliatelle Bolognese. Would you like anything else this evening?” “No, thank you. That will be all.” Abby accepts Emma’s answer, returning once again to the kitchen to place the order. Damn Rox, now’s not the time to get lost in thoughts. “You alright babe?” Emma looks me over, curious about my recent distraction. I wonder if she knows what’s going through my head. “Ye…yeah, I’m fine, just hungry is all.” *** It doesn’t take too long for our food to arrive, the delicate aroma of authentic Italian cuisine bringing a tear to my eye. Don’t drool, don’t drool, don’t drool. It takes all of my effort to keep my composure, the steaming concoction of sauce, meat, and pasta just begging to be devoured. “I hope you both enjoy! Please let me know if you need anything else this evening.” With our thanks, Abby heads off to help the rest of the tables in her section. I unwrap the silverware, take the fork, and twist it around in the heavenly dish. I place the pasta in my mouth, slurping up the few strands hanging off the ball. My tastebuds react instantly, the combination of flavors covering my tongue. “Oh my goddess, this may just be the best Bolognese I’ve ever had.” Emma laughs in response. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your dish, but you’ve got sauce on your chin.” I quickly pick up the napkin, dabbing my face off before going in for another bite. Whilst my eating style is…unrefined, Emma’s affairs with the upper echelons of society have brought her dining skills up to the pro level, expertly cutting her fish into smaller pieces before gently placing them between her lips. “The cod is impeccable. Would you like to try some?” “No thank you, I’ll stick to the pasts.” Yuck, fish. Unless it was a raw piece of sushi, my body rejects the taste of seafood. We continue dining, only taking small breaks from the food to wet our buds with the drinks. It isn’t long before our plates sit empty, our food completely devoured. I can hear Emma clearing her throat, speaking up for the first time since the arrival of the dishes. “So, about Saturday,” Oh no, I’m in for another lecture, aren’t I? “We didn’t get to talk about any of the fun bits. I mean, Beth, at the card shop, going out for drinks; besides a few slurred comments, I didn’t really get to know how your day went, so let’s fix that.” Phew, that’s a relief. “Well, you didn’t miss too much from the card shop. She had a rather outdated deck, so I folded her with ease. Afterward, we started venting about work, and all of Tom’s bullshit, and she figured this kind of talk is better suited to a bar rather than over a card table. So, we get to the bar, start off with a shot, talk shit about the quarterly deadline, and had some more shots. I only vaguely remember the rest of the night. It’s kind of a blur from that point on.” I see her twisting the ring around her finger, looking…apprehensive? She’s worried about something, but what? “So, you mentioned something about her having two boyfriends? What’s that about?” Her eyes flicker between me and the glass of water on the table, picking it up and taking a gulp. She rests the glass back down, the liquid inside splashing around from the uneven movement. I guess I remember Beth telling me about that. The details could be clearer, but I remember the gist. Why…why is that what she remembers? “Yeah…she told me how they met, and how their 4-year anniversary was coming up. I think it was something involving body shots and a piñata. Why do you ask?” Her fingers circle the rim of the glass, a low-pitched whine just barely audible above the hustle and bustle of the busy eatery. It’s a habit of hers that I know all too well. When something is bothering her, or she has something on her mind, Emma’s fingers never sit still. They fidget, almost as if the thoughts in her head are trying to make their way out through physical action. “And what do you think of that…Polyamory, I mean? Ha, I mean, it’s kinda crazy, right?” Her nervous laugh stands out immediately. Where is she going with this? I’m getting a clearer picture of the puzzle, with more and more pieces falling into place, but I need to push this a bit farther to be certain. I choose my words with precision, and like laying down a trap card, I’m leaving no room for error. “I don’t think it’s crazy at all. Unconventional, sure, but love is unconventional. After all, even a date between two women was once considered ‘unconventional’, but here we are, enjoying the evening. It’s like I always say; love is love, no matter the form.” “Yeah, I guess you would say that.” The circling of the rim increases in speed, the pitch increasing to a mid-tone. It’s time for the final nail in the coffin. “Emma,” I take her hand away from the glass, holding it tight. She looks a bit surprised at the role reversal, but she doesn’t pull away. “I know when you’re hiding something from me. I can see it as clearly as a full moon in the sky, so don’t bother denying it. This ‘friend’ of yours, the one who helped you out yesterday, there’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” It’s hard for me to tell exactly what she’s feeling right now. There seems to be a range of emotions coursing through her: surprise, anticipation, worry, but mainly fear. “It always surprises me how smart you are, Roxie.” While I don’t know the details, I know that feeling. The one of being caught, and having something so personal dragged out into the open. It was only just recently that I was going through the same fears, the same worries. I rub my fingers over her knuckles, the reassuring gesture seeming to lighten a bit of the emotional load. “You’ve been so fantastic these past few days, listening to me, helping me explore this world of ours. Now, it’s my turn. Tell me everything Amore, and don’t spare a single detail.” *** “WOW,” I knew I was right on the money, but damn Emma! I never knew you had that in you! “So you, Alex, and Jessica were an item? I’ve gotta say, that explains so much.” “Like what?” Emma’s smile returns, but it’s not the confident smirk that I’ve grown so used to. It’s more…open. Vulnerable, even. I can tell her explanation has left her walls down, the front having been worn to ashes. “Well, it explains…everything really. I mean, your supplies, your knowledge of the ‘craft’, the way you handle yourself during our ‘activities’, that all comes with experience. Even with the BDSM background, there’s no way to just instantly translate that into Ageplay. At least, not as effectively as you’ve done. But the Poly part, now THAT was unexpected.” “The good kind of unexpected, or the ‘my girlfriend is a perv’ kind?” There’s humor in Emma’s voice, mixed with that remaining hint of negativity. “Are you kidding babe? After everything we’ve done with each other, do you honestly think a little Polyamory is going to weird me out? There’s only one thing I have to ask. Why did you wait so long to tell me? I get not letting me know in the beginning; we were still getting to know each other. But it’s been 2 years, Em. You could’ve let me know you had that sort of relationship, even if you left out all the kinky business.” Emma looks deep into my eyes, her glossy retinas reflecting the glow of the lighting. “I know, I should’ve talked to you about this sooner. I guess…a part of me was afraid. Afraid of how you would take it. Like, maybe some part of you would feel at fault for me ending things with them. It’s just that I liked you so much, and knowing the relationship troubles you went through…I dunno. Maybe I thought it would be too complex, too strange of a situation to find yourself in. I’ve never felt that kind of fear about anything, for anyone. So I stepped away from two of the people I was closest to and pretended to be this boring, vanilla, in-control woman that I thought you needed. It was stupid, but I guess…I didn’t want to lose you.” Oh Emma, you beautiful, sweet idiot. I slide myself around the bend of the booth, getting face-to-face with this amazing woman. “You will never lose me, Emma. Sorry to say it, but you’re stuck with me.” I bring my lips closer, bridging the distance even further. I lock them with hers, ignoring the taste of fish on her breath. For her, I’ll deal with it. I break off from the kiss, moving my lips to her ear. “You wanna know what else?” I can feel her bated breath on my neck. “The whole Poly thing? It’s pretty hot.” Emma breaks out into a fit of laughs, causing me to back away slightly. Well, that wasn’t exactly the reaction I was looking for. I can see heads turning from the other tables at the sudden outburst, before returning to their own business. “So…sorry, it’s just,” Emma tries to get her words out between the giggles. “You’re messing with me, right?” “Nope!” I say as I lay my head on her shoulder, the giggles seceding. “You said…Alex was his name? Well, you mentioned his open offer. If that’s something you’re still interested in, I suppose I wouldn’t mind giving some group play a try.” I can feel her body shifting into mine, her head tilting down to look at me. “Are you sure Roxie? That’s kind of a big step to take, especially since we’ve only just begun figuring out the dynamic with just us.” It’s my turn to let out a chuckle, although not one as loud as hers. “I’m not saying it has to happen right away, or even at all. All I’m saying is that I’m more than open to the idea.” Speaking of openings, I can feel my bladder getting ready to burst. “Oh, and one more thing.” “What’s that?” She looks at me for a moment before I close my eyes, letting the dam break. I let out a long sigh, feeling the warmth between my legs. Seconds pass, and I open my eyes to see her staring at me, that confident grin having returned in earnest. “Did you just do what I think you did?” “What can I say, the drinks just went right through me.” I look up at her, not noticing her hand moving downwards until I feel her hand along the hem of my jeans. I jump a bit in place. “Em, what’re you doing?” I ask in a hushed whisper. “I’m just giving you a quick check sweetie. Don’t worry, you’re completely covered by the tablecloth. As long as you don’t move around too much, nobody will be none the wiser.” I look down, seeing the truth in her words. My body is almost completely obstructed in my current position, but my heartbeat refuses to slow down. I can feel her hand entering into my pants, expertly making its way towards my crotch. I feel her hand gently cup the exterior of my padding through the end of the onesie. There’s no way this is an effective check. “Good job sweetie, you certainly filled your diaper up.” Her hushed tones send a shiver down my spine, making it hard to stay inconspicuous. I can feel my member come to life, enjoying the sensation. Her hand quickly exits from around my body, and I almost groan aloud at its removal. AWW! Why did she stop? I can see my answer walking towards us, the bill in hand. “Thank you for dining with us this evening. I hope you two lovebirds enjoyed your time at La Luce Della Sera!” Yeah, Abby, I was having a great time until you ruined it! I fight my urge to scowl at the poor girl as Emma grabs the check. “Thank you, Abby. We had a fantastic evening. Thank you for your exceptional service.” Emma, how are you always so polite? I watch her grab her purse, placing a few bills inside before handing the check back to Abby. “It was my pleasure looking after you two this evening. Ask for me anytime, I’m here most evenings.” With her farewell, the waitress leaves once more to attend to the rest of her duties. “Alright baby, let’s get out of here.” Emma takes hold of my hand as we both exit the booth, making our way to the entrance. We wave our goodbyes to Matt, who offers a nod in return, as we step out into the evening air. *** The ride over to my car is a short, but sweet one. I refused to let go of Emma’s hand, leaving her with only a single one on the steering wheel. I had hoped we could stay in this bliss forever, enjoying the passing lights of the cars and buildings, but all too soon, we pulled up to the bar’s parking lot. A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts, right? “Alright my love, we’re here. Do you just want to follow behind me?” “Thanks, Em, but if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to sit in my car for a moment and just think for a bit.” I had a lot going through my head and could use a moment to sort through my thoughts. Emma looks at me, concerned for a moment, before seemingly brushing it off. “Alright, well don’t sit for too long. Don’t forget, you’ve got work tomorrow.” No need to remind me. After all the excitement this weekend, I’m almost looking forward to some normality. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in no time!” I quickly give her a peck on the cheek before unbuckling myself and opening the door. “I’ll see you at home, Mommy.” “Okay baby, I’ll make sure a ‘night light’ is on for you.” I chuckle before stepping out into the brisk autumn night and closing the door behind me. Walking towards my car, I can see the lights from behind me begin to vanish as she pulls into the road. It’s been about five seconds, but I miss her already. Getting to the door of my own vehicle, I pull my keys out of my pocket, hearing the chirp from my beloved ‘Susie’. “I missed you too, old girl.” Hopping inside, I let my shoulders lean back into the familiar cushion. Looking at the passenger seat, I see my bag of purchases from yesterday. Well, now's as good of a time as any. I pull the cassette box out, removing the tape from its shield. I pick up my walkman from the passenger side floor, pop the tape in, and plug in the aux adapter. Grabbing my keys, I turn the ignition on, the engine sputtering to life. Glad you’re still kicking my friend. The audio clicks to life, and I notice the very ending of Track 2. “Huh, I guess the last owner wasn’t kind and didn’t rewind,” I say to myself. I open up the glove box, hesitating for a moment before pulling out my pack of smokes. Only fitting for this next track. I just managed to light the tip before Track 3 begins in earnest. I let the mellow tones of the guitar fill my ears as I take a drag. Some demons are easier to battle than others. I take just a couple more hits before extinguishing the ashes in the cupholder, leaving the half-finished cigarette to die out. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make an effort. I sit there for just a moment longer, listening as the track fades out. So many things have happened, whether it’s the events of tonight or the weekend as a whole. Honestly, I should feel overwhelmed, but I don’t. I strangely feel content. No, that's not it. I feel…peaceful. Even considering the future, something that used to be a source of anxiety, was now something to look forward to. A positive, rather than a negative. I buckle my seatbelt as Track 4 begins to play, and I shift the gear into reverse, slowly backing out of the spot. I pull out into the road, looking forward to rejoining my love at home and climbing into our warm bed for some deserved rest. Wait, don’t I have a crib now? I wonder if I’m sleeping there from now on. Eh, there’s only one way to find out. (End of Act I) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading Act 1 of Embracing Oneself. I'm currently hard at work on the next chapter, and I'm really looking forward to you all seeing what's to come. Chapter 9 should be out in a couple days, barring any delays. Once again, thank you very much for reading.

Academy II By BigRed0603 "At the end of the world, there will be neither clamor nor calamity, neither echo nor epoch. It will be mired in silence and sleep, in deliverance and death. At the end of the world, there will be both patience and purpose, both temperance and time. Only then will it be graced with eternity, and from eternity, a chance." -The Source, in valediction Chapter 1 Ai Sinclair stared up at the uninspiring yet intimidating monastery belonging to the Thothean Church. The plain gray building that looked more like an office building rather than a place of worship. The series of connected concrete square buildings without even a window to look inside housed what was undoubtedly the most important institution in the world. Behind her, two women in extremely modest, lengthy, green dresses with white lace across the bust encouraged Ai forward. The clergy of Cas Lo Cho Thoth had been around for around a hundred years, but really emerged into the public eye only a few years ago. With their brief time in the limelight, they had brought massive, sweeping, and positive changes to the world. At first the public was skeptical about a religion that openly worshiped an old god. While descriptions of Cas Lo Cho Thoth varied from different sources, they were all something right out of a horror book. Its form was something the human mind couldn’t really comprehend, and that inherently scared most people. Once everyone learned just what this church was capable of, however, their opinions changed. The church was able to converse with their god, and their god delivered them answers. The secrets of the universe were theirs to know. The Thothians quickly proved this by correctly mapping the location of several far away astral bodies. They even discovered several new black holes and distant stars that scientists at the time didn’t know about. These were things that, while easily proven true, would be impossible for anyone to know, unless they were omniscient. The public begrudgingly accepted the reality that this church was talking to a god, and it was giving them answers. Governments and corporations quickly lined up to ask their questions once the truth was out, and the Thothean Church was happy to deliver. There were limits to the church’s answers, however. They only answered questions approved by their god, and never favored one faction over another. Cas Lo Cho Thoth wouldn’t grant one government the knowledge needed to destroy another, nor would it give a corporation the perfect phrase or product to hypnotize their customer. It always had the good of all mankind in mind, and so did Thoteanism by extension. With resources coming in from all of these wealthy benefactors, Totheanism quickly grew its resources and power. The large complex, called the Quiet Cathedral, was a result of this, and inside this building the clergy worked diligently to answer questions for their benefactors and, more importantly, questions that would benefit all of mankind. It didn’t take too much time for the opinion of the public toward the church to change. The Church had solved world hunger, eliminated the energy crisis, increased the average life span by 50%, and resolved numerous political disputes. They had also vastly improved the lives of marginalized peoples all over the world. The knowledge that there was a god, one that didn’t care for the bigotry of other religions, had done a lot to eliminate that flavor of hate. There were still some holdouts from other religions, but those groups were treated as fringe conspiracy theorists merely tolerated by the general public. The church never worried about attacks from these groups. They were above the laws of any government, and in the same vein they were protected from any malicious actions. Anyone that went against Thotheanism was effectively going against the whole world. It was this thought that intimidated Ai as she slowly made her way up the imposing steps and into the equally imposing complex. The two women behind her subtly forced her forward. As she approached the threshold, Ai remembered why she was brought here in the first place. An official from the church visited her in her college dorm one day and “cordially invited” her to the Quiet Cathedral, the center of Totheanism. It’s not like she could really refuse their invitation; they were the biggest organization in the world. Ai couldn’t imagine what they wanted from her. The church dealt with the secrets of the universe, talked with the divine, and improved all of mankind. Ai thought she was so much smaller than all of this. What could little Ai have to do with that? The possible answers to that question terrified her, but at the same time, Ai couldn’t deny her curiosity. It was this curiosity that overpowered her anxiety and kept her feet moving forward. It was a literal house of secrets. What would she learn there? What was waiting for her on the other side of those modest-looking doors? “This way, Ai.” One of the two women held open the metal door while the other silently ushered her inside. No one quite knew how the Thothean Church worked, or what exactly they did to get their answers, but that was by design. If everyone knew how to ask Cas Lo Cho Thoth any question they wanted to, that would only lead to disaster. This secrecy only fueled speculation, however. Ai, like many others, had always wondered what really went on in the Quiet Cathedral, and she’d conjured all kinds of horrible and fantastic images in her mind: portals to different dimensions, aliens chanting magic languages, spaces where the laws of physics stopped working. The reality of it seemed to be in stark contrast to Ai’s imagination. Ai stepped into a boring hallway. The floors were covered in a plain hard tile and the walls were white concrete. Plain doors led into simple office spaces or classrooms, nothing fantastical in the least. Perhaps whatever magical art that went on here had been streamlined down to the mundane. Ai couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was not as it seemed on the surface. It was all familiar and foreboding to her. This feeling gnawed at her as she was led deeper through the maze of hallways. Despite the boring looking facility, Ai felt as though she were walking through a den of darkness. Ai was finally led to a small room, with a table in the middle and a window she couldn’t see through on one of the walls. It wasn’t unlike an interrogation room, and that made Ai a little nervous. She took a seat at the table and the women that were behind her had moved into the next room for a long moment. As the tension was starting to get to Ai one of the two women reentered the room. “Ai Sinclair,” the woman said softly with a smile. She sat down at the table across from Ai.“I’m Maria, and I’m very happy to meet you.” Ai winced a little as the woman held out her hand. Alarm bells were ringing in her head, telling her that danger was near. She chalked it up to the room itself; its singular table, lamp, and one-way mirror really weren’t helping Ai get over this feeling of being interrogated. Ai powered through and shook Maria’s outstretched hand. "What exactly is going on here?” Ai asked, her suspicion obvious. “I know what you guys do, but I don’t know what all it has to do with me. I’m just me. I’m just a person.” “Not quite dear,” Maria said, shifting her posture a bit. “You’re more than just a person, at least we’re reasonably sure you are. That’s what we’re confirming now, actually.” “What?” Ai looked around the room. The only way anyone would be confirming anything about her was through the one-way window, so there had to be someone on the other side observing the conversation. “You don’t have to do anything special sweetie, just wait there a moment. My partner, Judith, is busy helping one of our speakers commune with our god.” Ai’s vision shot back over to the window. On the other side of that glass, someone was talking with a god. “You mean right now? Just over there?” Ai pointed to the window, and Maria nodded with a laugh. “Yes right over there.” Ai’s mind raced at the thought. Just a few feet on the other side of that window, someone was communing with Cas Lo Cho Thoth … about her. The church’s secret methods were so tantalizingly close, and Ai found herself suddenly eager to be taken behind that window and see for herself. “We believe, Ai, that you may be one of our speakers,” Maria said seriously. “A speaker,” Ai turned to Maria, shocked. The speakers were the members of the clergy that actually spoke for Cas Lo Cho Thoth. As far as Ai knew, they were like monks or nuns, but no one really knew what the speakers did behind closed doors. “I didn’t think …” Ai tried to formulate a question but it was lost in her throat. “Yes, well we do labor to keep our processes secret,” Maria explained. “For the safety of our speakers and for mankind in general. You see, Ai, speakers are born, not made. We’ve been searching for all of the speakers ever since our first communion with Cas Lo Cho Thoth. The young speaker behind the glass there is specifically gifted in finding other speakers. She has led us to you.” Ai had to force her mouth closed at the revelation. She never thought she would ever be wrapped up in all of this, that she had a destiny. “I would never have thought,” Ai struggled to form her rapid thoughts into words. “I never imagined myself a speaker.” “But you are,” Maria nodded. “The last speaker in fact. Finding you is a momentous occasion.” There was a pause as Maria let Ai accept this information. “You have a destiny, Ai, a very important one.” “So how does this all work?” Ai asked meekly. “I’m a speaker, but what does that mean? What do I have to do?” “All will be made clear in time, though I suppose you are owed a brief explanation.” Maria sat back a little as she explained. “Speakers talk with the voice of Cas Lo Cho Thoth. Their words are his words. Spoken in deep speak, a language not even they understand.” “How can you speak in a language you don’t even know?” Ai questioned. “It is achieved by getting the speakers into a trance-like state,” Maria explained. “I’m a listener. Specifically I will be your listener. It’ll be my job to get you into that trance, and to translate whatever you say while you’re in it.” “You’re my listener?” Ai questioned. “Yes. We’ve known from the beginning that there were 23 speakers out in the world, and we’ve prepared twenty-three listeners for them. Cas Lo Cho Thoth tells us which listener will be paired with which speaker. You are the last speaker, and I am the last unpaired listener. So, you can imagine how excited I am to meet you.” “Yeah, I can imagine,” Ai said thoughtfully. “What exactly does this mean for me?” “Well,” Maria shifted a little uncomfortably. “It means you’ll need to live the rest of your life here in our facility, under my care. You’ll have to dedicate your life to your role. The old Ai would be gone. You would be Ai, the speaker. Not Ai the college student.” “Do I have a choice?” Ai asked pointedly. Ai knew full well, and Maria even more so, that the church could absolutely get away with kidnapping and locking a girl away for the rest of her life if their god deemed it necessary. “We’ve never had a speaker refuse us before,” Maria answered in a roundabout way. “It is the speaker’s destiny to live here and answer our questions. You are all predisposed to accept your call, but we won’t keep you here. Most speakers are driven by the desire to help their fellow man. It gives them all a purpose.” Ai crossed her arms and Maria picked up on that. “Though I sense with you,” Maria paused briefly and looked Ai over. “I sense that perhaps you are driven by curiosity.” “How do you mean?” Ai struck an almost antagonistic pose. “I get the feeling that what will keep you here is wondering how it all works. How do the speakers do what they do? What does the trance feel like? What does the voice of Cas Lo Cho Thoth sound like? What are the secrets of the universe?” Maria leaned forwards to observe Ai better. “Just a feeling I have. Am I wrong?” The blush on Ai’s face gave away the answer to Maria’s last question. “It’s a big ask,” Ai said looking away. “But I think you know your answer,” Maria countered quickly. “So, Ai Sinclair. Will you give up your life for the secrets of the universe?” Ai thought about this question for a moment. She was right earlier, it was a big ask, the biggest ask even. She would be giving up her whole life, stopping everything she’s doing for the sake of this and living the rest of her life in seclusion. At the same time Maria was right too. Doing her best to help everyone was a fulfilling idea, one that would give anyone a real sense of purpose. More than that though, Maria was right about Ai’s curiosity. She desperately wanted to know how it all worked, how it all felt, what the answers truly were. It nagged at her. She felt as if some force was pulling her to the other side of the window in the room she was in. It was like Maria said, she was predisposed to say yes. “Yes,” Ai said with finality. “I’ll be your speaker.” “Excellent!” Maria smiled as she clapped her hands. At the same time the door behind them opened and out of it ran the strangest thing Ai had seen all day. An adult woman bounded out of the door with child-like eagerness, which wasn’t the only child-like thing about her. In contrast to Maria’s refined and mature looking outfit, this woman was wearing a dress made for a child. It was plain white, decorated only with a strawberry motif across the chest. It was short enough that one couldn’t help but notice the diaper she was wearing. The part of the diaper Ai could see was decorated with sunflowers and bees. She could also see that it was noticeably wet. The diapered adult lisped through the pacifier in her mouth that was clipped to the collar of her dress. “Yaaay! We gots a new speaker fren,” The childish adult ran to Ai and embraced her in a hug. “Penny!” the voice of the other woman, Judith, followed as she emerged from the same door. “You can’t run off like that, sweetie.” Ai looked at Penny, who was still hugging her, and then over to Maria with a shocked expression. Maria smiled and said “Welcome to your new life, Ai Sinclair.”

Welcome to the first "Side Chapter" to the story. I do want to give some warning for the content ahead. This chapter was one of the hardest things I've ever had to write, and it's not an easy read. I would recommend not reading this in a negative headspace, as the content inside is...well it's a lot. I would understand if you need to take a break reading through it, 'cause I had to take quite a few just to finish it. I do hope you're able to finish it though, because despite the dark subject matters within, there's a part of the story that is somewhat beautiful, like the calm in the middle of the storm. Just remember one thing while reading: at the end of a long night, the sun will rise once again. Thank you for reading. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Side Chapter: Prologue - A Fateful Encounter (CW: Homophobia, Transphobia, Domestic Abuse, Parental Abuse, Slurs, Blood, Deadnaming, Violence) April 8th, 2021. 10:38pm “What. The. Fuck. You’re a fucking dude?!?” Shit, I thought I locked the bathroom door. Johnny stands at the entrance, rage emanating from his pores. All I needed to do was take a shower, and wash the stress of the day from my body. I barely managed to remove my pants before my boyfriend barged his way in. The look on his face is one I know all too well; one of bigoted disgust. I guess we’re not doing date night. I wanted to take things slow with us, having refused to show him my body, afraid of this exact situation. It’s just like before…with HIM. I don’t want to go back there, but my mind refuses to heel, bringing me back to that day. *** “Dad, please!!! I’m still the same person, I…” I’m cut off by the glass bottle being chucked at me from across the room. Pain shoots through my shoulder blade, and I reflexively move my hand to stop the bleeding, managing to dig a shard deeper inside. I pull my hand back, covered in crimson. “I’m not going to have some sort of faggot freak for a son! Get the fuck out!” There’s no room for discussion. That same rage and disgust, reserved for the ‘degenerates’, was now focused directly on me. I turn to Mom, tears welling in my eyes, hoping that she can help me out here. “Mom, please, can you try and talk sense into him?!? You know me! Please, Mom.” She doesn’t look at me, but I can tell she’s crying. “Ricky, you should leave,” she briefly glances my way before returning her eyes to the floor. “Please, before you make things worse.” I fall to my knees, utterly defeated. Dad gets up from his ratty-ass leather chair and goes to the back door. “I’m going for a smoke. You have 5 minutes. If you’re still here by the time I’m back, I’ll bury you in the yard!” He makes his exit, Mom following suit. The door closes behind her, and I can hear the sounds of a shouting match between them. I can’t make out the words, but I understand the emotions: rage, sorrow, bitterness. I don’t need to be told twice. I march my way over to the front door, slamming it shut. I run to my car, pulling the keys out of my pocket and unlocking the door as quickly as I can manage. My shaky keys fumble with the ignition, desperate to get out of this place. I drive. I’m not sure where, or for how long, but I drive. In my autopilot, I must have ended up in the empty parking lot of the old gas station, long since closed down. I twist the key, turning off the ignition. I’m finally able to return to my senses. The pain in my shoulder, adrenaline having worn off, throbs intently, the large shard of glass sticking out. I reach over one of the many boxes inside the car and open up the glove box. I pull out a small red box; an emergency first-aid kit. Opening it up, I pull out a pair of tweezers, a large band-aid, and some peroxide. Tweezers in hand, I take hold of the shard, preparing myself for the following anguish. “FUUUCK!!!” The glass dislodges from my body, blood trickling down my shoulder. I quickly pour the peroxide onto the wound. At first, nothing seems to happen, but then, perhaps the worst pain I’ve ever endured shoots through my body. I drop the bottle, the contents spilling over my jeans, and I clench my teeth. “ARGH!” I don’t have time to stop though, and I hurriedly put the band-aid over the top of the gash. The band-aid doesn’t hold out for long, blood pushing through the cotton wick, so I pull out a second one, replacing the used bandage. “That’ll have to do for now.” I think to myself, hoping the bandage will at least protect the wound from infection. I reach back into the glove box, pulling out my hidden pack of cigarettes. “How disgusting. They’re even the same brand as that bastards” I light the tip and inhale, hoping that something, anything would make me feel better. But it doesn’t. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, the sobs echoing through the interior. “I’ve…lost everything.” I release my emotions, letting out a blood-curdling scream, as loud and for as long as my lungs allow. I cry, I wail, I lament. “It’s dark now.” That’s all I can think, looking at the night sky. “But…it’s beautiful.” The stars are shining brightly, unobscured in the dead of night. I take a look at the moon, radiant in its crescent form. It…gives me hope. “I don’t need them. I can live my life just fine without them in it.” Out of all the pain and turmoil that today had brought, I did gain something, something irreplaceable. I was finally free. I could be…me. *** That same pain, one of rage and shame, bubbles up inside me. I walk over to Johnny, jabbing my finger into his chest. “I AM NOT A ‘FUCKING DUDE’, I’M A FUCKING WOMAN!” I let my words drip with venom. I don’t care if I’ve been dating him for 2 months, I won’t let anybody talk to me like that. “Oh really? Could’ve fooled me with that cock between your legs!” His unwarranted anger only adds fuel to my own fire. “I told you before I moved in that I was different! Too bad you spent all that time looking at my ass. Perhaps if you paid more attention, you would’ve fucking noticed!” I continue to press into him, until he grabs my hand, bending my wrist back. “LET GO OF ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Keeping hold of my hand, he tosses me out of the bathroom. I land on my ass with a thud, getting rug burn across my upper thighs. “By weird, I thought you meant all your Wiccan crap, not that you were some kind of freak!” Freak. Freak. Freak! That fucking word! I don’t even register getting to my feet or marching up to him. Only when my palm makes contact with his face, the slap hitting his mouth, do I even realize what I’ve done. He looked stunned, like nobody had ever dared to hit him before. I hold my hand in front of my face, appalled by my actions. “Johnny…I…” His fist barrels into my abdomen, and I bend over, falling to the floor. I gasp, trying to regain the air that had been sucked into my lungs. “You fucking bitch! I can’t believe I ever let you suck me off!” I wish I could say something witty, something clever, maybe some remark about his small dick, but I can’t. I’m unable to catch my breath. I struggle to just barely breathe. He grabs me by the hair, dragging me to the front door. I can some hair follicles pulling from my scalp, sending my pain receptors into overdrive. Despite the pain, all I can manage to let out between ragged exhales are small yelps. He tosses me out into the hallway, my head banging against the wall of the apartment complex. I see stars for a moment, unable to notice my bag flying towards my face. It hits its intended mark, one of the rounded spikes poking into the flesh just below my eye. “Fu…fucking dick…” My vision clears enough to see him standing behind the door, vitriol in his eyes. “We’re done. Stay the fuck away from me, queer!” He slams the door shut, locking it behind him. Fuck…fuck, I can’t stay here. The noise must have awoken at least some of the neighbors, and I don’t want them to see me like this; bruised up and pantsless. I grab my purse, running as fast as my battered legs can manage, going through the entrance and exiting into the city street. Where am I going? Where can I even go? I make my way down the sidewalk, my bare feet crunching the loose bits of debris and trash beneath them. I wish I hadn’t left my car at work. I make it a few blocks down the road, the lamplight giving me just enough ability to see, without allowing me to know where I am. I’m new to the city, only having moved here a couple of months back to start my new job, so I have no idea where I am right now. I could be in the absolute safest part of the city, or it could be the opposite. I have no way of telling which. But in my current state, I hope it’s not the latter. I’m an easy target right now. I can feel my legs start to tire, the panicked rush from earlier having subsided. I don’t think I can go on much longer. I spot an alleyway to my right, looking like a relatively safe spot for me to catch my breath. I lean against the wall, letting my body sink to the cold, damp concrete, sending a chill through my body. I open up my bag, pleading to the gods that I left my phone inside. I fumble my hand around through the dark, hoping to feel the glass of the screen somewhere inside. I eventually find it, quickly pulling it out and hitting the power button. The screen flickers to life, but my heart drops. 1% battery life. As quickly as the light illuminated the space around me, my beacon of hope died, trapping me in the surrounding darkness once more. Why? Why does this always happen to me? Why do I allow people to get close to me, only to get hurt in return? I thought I didn’t need anyone, but the pain inside my heart tells me a different story. I need somebody, anybody, who will just accept me. That’s all. Not love, not adoration, but acceptance. But they won’t. They never do. I curl up, resting my head in my knees, for comfort, and for warmth. Suddenly, I’m that 18-year-old girl again, getting kicked out of the house, abandoned by the ones who were supposed to love her. I cry out into the night, taking at least some small comfort that nobody is around to see me break down. I’m so disgusting. *** Next time Andrew wants to ‘meet a client for drinks’, he can at least pick a spot with decent parking. I exit the quaint establishment into the chilly evening air, pulling my scarf tight across my neck to keep warm. It hadn’t been a total lie; we did meet a client, and the two manchildren did partake in more than a few drinks, but I had hoped to at least discuss our plans for the quarterly budget. Instead, I spent the evening watching my colleague downing shots with a man old enough to be my father. If I wanted to see a bunch of grown-ass men acting like frat boys, I could’ve done so on TV, from the comfort of home. After dodging their 5th attempt to get me to drink with them, I had finally found an excuse worthy of my exit. “Sorry, I have to be up in the morning, there’s a doctor’s appointment I have to make.” A total fib, but at least it got me out of there. I have a rare day off tomorrow, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to spend it nursing a hangover. I continue walking down the city street, thinking of all the ways I can spend my time relaxing. Maybe I’ll go out to the movies, or treat myself to a little shopping trip. I wonder if Alex and Jessica are free. Maybe we can have a little playtime. I turn right on the block, and my train of thought is thrown off track. I can hear a series of strange noises ahead of me. Is that…is someone crying? I follow the sound down the street, coming up to an alley on my left. It’s definitely coming from here. “Hello? Is someone there?” Some part of my mind thinks this could be a bad idea. I mean, who would be crying in an alley this late at night? Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me. Or maybe it was just a street cat, crying out in hunger. I don’t get to wonder for too long though, as my question is soon answered. “GO THE FUCK AWAY!” That voice…it’s in such pain. I pull my phone out of my pocket, turning the flashlight on, and lighting up the area. A few feet from where I’m standing, I can see the source of the cries; a young woman, curled on the ground with tears coming from her eyes. You heard her, you should just leave her alone. This isn’t any of your business. But I take a closer look at her. She is not okay. Just looking at her face, I can see a large welt under her eye, having turned a nasty shade of purple. Her legs, tightened up around body, are covered in bruises and abrasions. Her bare feet, having turned white from the cold, are adorned with cuts along the bottom. What in the hell happened to her? I barely took a step forward before she pushed her body further back into the dark alley. “Stay away from me!” This isn’t normal. It’s a trauma response. I hold my hands out in front of me, trying to convey that I mean no harm. “Hey, it’s okay! I’ll stay right where I am. There are better places than an alley to rest, you know,” The girl looks me up and down, trying to determine if I’m a threat. “What’re you doing out here sweetie? You’re certainly not dressed for the cold.” I was underexaggerating. I can see her trying to hold back her shivers, the lone shirt around her body not being nearly enough to keep warm in the daytime, let alone a night like this. “That’s…none of your business.” She wraps her arms around her legs, keeping her guard up. “That might be, but I’m here now, so it has sort of become my business, wouldn’t you say?” She doesn’t respond, but I can see her arms loosen a bit, becoming a bit more relaxed towards my presence. “Would you mind if I take a seat next to you?” The shivering woman raises a brow at my request, not having expected that one. “It’s a free country. Do what you want.” I slowly make my way into the passage. Getting within a couple of feet of her, I begin to kneel, careful to leave enough space between us to not threaten the poor thing. She flinches slightly as I sit down, but doesn’t back away. “How about I introduce myself? I’m Emma, nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out, offering a simple handshake that she doesn’t return. She just stares at me, like I’m some sort of strange creature. “Roxie…” Well, at least she’s talking. That’s a start. “It’s nice to meet you, Roxie. It looks like you’ve had a rough night. My car is right up the road. Can I take you somewhere? Do you have a place to stay?” Her tears return, a sniffle coming out of her nose. “No, my…my ex and I just…broke up,” From her current state, I can tell this was more than a simple lovers quarrel. My blood boils just thinking about what that man could have done to her, but I remain calm and focus on listening to her. “He…called me a freak, and…I can’t go back there. I can’t…” She trails off. A freak? Why would he say such a cruel thing? From her appearance, I can see that she follows more of an…alternative lifestyle, the black of her clothing and hair contrasting with the paleness of her skin, but I certainly wouldn’t call her a freak. But then, things start to click. The subtle signs that people tend to miss; the lightness of a voice spoken from the throat rather than the chest, the way the shirt seems to cling around her form, the unusually small chest for someone her age, and it all begins to make sense. I see what happened. Poor thing. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” She looks away from me, staring down at the ground. “Can I call somebody for you? A friend, or a family member.” I’m caught off guard by a cynical chuckle escaping her lips. “No, I don’t have anyone like that. I’m new to the city, and my family…is out of the picture. I’m alone.” My heart breaks into pieces upon the confession. All alone, in a strange new city, and she still has the ability to laugh. “Well, Roxie, at least let me bring you to the hospital. You need to get those wounds taken care of.” She jumps to her feet, her arms wrapping around her waist. Damnit Emma, you pushed too far. “No!” For a second, I think she’s going to take off, and vanish into the night, but she calms down. “Sorry, just…I can’t go to the hospital. I…don’t have insurance at the moment.” This woman really can’t catch a break. What do I even do in this situation? I can’t just leave her here. The temperature will continue to drop, and with her attire, she’d surely freeze to death by morning. There’s only one thing I can think to do. I have to do this gently. I stand up and look into her eyes, shrouded in uncertainty and fear. I make sure the expression on my face is one of pure warmth, and I let my tone become gentle and calm. “Well, I have a first-aid kit back at my place, and my guest bedroom is currently unoccupied. How about I get you fixed up, you can get some sleep, and we can figure this out in the morning. Don’t worry, the door has a lock on it, so you’ll have some privacy.” Her mouth is agape, perhaps unable to comprehend what she just heard. “Why? Why are you doing this? I’m a total stranger. I could be a psychopath, or some kind of criminal. Why would you go so far for someone you just met in an alley?” I slowly reach my hand out. I can see her foot shift a bit, wondering if some sort of assault is coming her way, but she stays in place. She keeps her eyes on me, not exactly trusting me yet, but at the same time, no longer afraid. I place my hand on her shoulder, lightly resting it there. “Why do I need a reason to help someone in need? If I just left you here in the cold, what sort of monster would I be? I help because I can. There’s nothing more to it.” You could say I’m more than a little surprised when I feel her move forward, leaning into my chest. I wrap an arm around her, rubbing concentric circles along the small of her back. “It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re not alone now, Roxie.” I can feel her shivering vibrate my body, so I hold her close, trying to provide my body heat to the cold, sobbing mess. The embrace lasts for a few moments longer, the girl gently pulling away from me. “Sorry, you must think I’m strange, hugging you like that.” I let out a light laugh, and move my arms around my neck. I take off my scarf, wrapping it around her to keep her warm. “It’s alright, I don’t mind,” I hold out my hand, and with a moment's hesitation, she takes it. “Now let’s get out of this place before you catch a cold.” *** The car ride is filled with silence, neither one of us quite sure what to say. I focus on the road, not wanting to stress the girl out with any undue words. I can see her leg tapping about restlessly in the passenger seat from the corner of my eye. It’s but a few moments later that I reach my destination, pulling into my driveway. I unbuckle my seatbelt and step out the door, into the chilly night. It dropped fast. I’m glad I got her out of there when I did. I can hear Roxie stepping out of the passenger side as I make my way up the pathway, turning around as I reach the door, waiting for her to catch up. She makes her way over to me, her hand holding onto her arm in a nervous state. I open the door, flicking the light switch on as I step into my warm abode. Home, sweet home. I make my way inside, tilting my head back to see her standing outside the doorway. “Don’t be shy, come on in,” She looks reluctant, but eventually takes a step, joining me into the living room. I close the door behind us, leaving the chill of the night behind. “Welcome to my place. It’s not much, but make yourself at home.” I can see her eyes darting around, taking in the unfamiliar sights. “It’s…it’s nice. Thank you for having me, I appreciate it.” I smile at her. “Don’t worry about it! Now, the bathroom is right down the hallway over there, first door on the right,” I point in the direction. “There’s a first-aid kit underneath the sink. I can give you a hand if you like. It’s up to you of course.” She glances my way, making the slightest bit of eye contact before looking back towards her feet. “I…I should be fine, thanks.” “Alright, well you take care of that, and I’ll find you some clothes to wear. There’s a shower in there as well. I’d recommend rinsing off before you try and disinfect, just to make sure there’s no grime left.” She seems to perk up at the sound of a shower. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you again, Emma. I don’t know how I’ll repay your kindness.” “Like I said, don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to repay. There are a few guest towels underneath the sink as well, and feel free to help yourself to any sundries you might need.” She opens her mouth, perhaps to thank me again, but settles for a nod, and makes her way to the bathroom. I can hear the click of the lock as the door closes behind her. I take a seat on the sofa, gathering my thoughts. This girl has been through a lot today. She must be completely exhausted. I can hear the sound of water running in the distance, and I remember that I have a job to do. I make my way to the guest bedroom and open up the closet door. I should be able to find something for her to wear here. Rummaging through the hangers and neatly folded piles of clothes, I come up with a suitable outfit; a plain t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Not the most luxurious look, but it’ll do. I return to the hallway, placing the folded clothes in front of the door. I can hear the faucet turn off, along with the sound of wet feet on tile. I give the door a quiet knock before speaking. “Roxie, I’m going to leave some clothes out here on the floor for you. I’ll be in the living room, just come out when you’re ready.” “Okay, thanks, Emma.” I walk back to the living room, taking my seat once more. I can hear the door open for a brief moment before closing just as quickly. Only a few minutes later, I hear the door open again, and Roxie enters from the hallway. Her wounds have been addressed, bandages covering the worst of them. The borrowed clothes are a bit baggy for her, but they look nice. “Well, you certainly clean up nice.” She blushes and flashes me with a smile. That’s the first time I’ve seen one from her tonight. “Thanks, I probably look better free from blood and dirt. Thank you again for…” She interrupts herself with a yawn. I look over to the clock, noticing the time. It’s late. We could both use some rest. “Why don’t I show you to the guest room so you can catch some sleep?” She nods her head, clearly tired from today's events. I get up from my spot and walk down the hallway with her in tow. We walk inside the room, the light still on from my previous visit. “It’s rather quaint, but the bedding is soft, and the sheets are fresh. I’m sure you’re tired, so I’ll leave you to rest.” I turn to walk out the door, but I’m stopped by her voice. “Wait!” I look at the girl, a panicked expression across her face. “Would you…stay with me for a bit, just until I fall asleep? I…don’t want to be alone right now.” Oh, you sweet, sweet thing. “Of course, whatever you need.” I watch her crawl beneath the covers, and I walk over to the bed, taking a spot on the foot of it. “Thank you, Emma, for everything…” A few moments later, I watch her eyes close, the exhaustion allowing her to pass out in the blink of an eye. That didn’t take long. I get up, careful not to wake the sleeping angel before me. I walk towards the door, flipping the light switch off, allowing the darkness to help her rest. “You’re welcome, Roxie. Sweet dreams,” I whisper before gently closing the door, leaving it cracked just a bit. I make my way to my own room, kicking my shoes off before flopping onto the mattress. I don’t even have time to get underneath the blanket before the sandman takes hold of me, drifting away into slumber. *** I awake to a knock at my door, my body shooting straight up, totally alert. I can hear a voice from the other side. “Emma, it’s Roxie. Thanks again for letting me spend the night.” Roxie…who… The memories of last night flood into me all at once. I decide to respond. “Of course. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’m sure you must be hungry.” “Alright, I will, thanks.” I can hear the footsteps fade away, and I let out a sigh. I’m glad she was able to sleep through the night. I grab my phone, still in my pocket, and check the time. 9:24am. Not quite a full 8 hours, but I’ll take it. Just then, a notification goes off, and I see a text from Alex. “Hey Em, you wanna come over? Jess is just dying to see you. XOXO.” I take a moment to reply. “Sorry, I can’t today. A lot happened last night, and a friend needs me right now. I’ll fill you in later.” I hit send and place my phone down on the bed. A friend. For some reason, that doesn’t feel quite right. I don’t know how to explain it, but in the brief period of time since I’ve met Roxie…I don’t know, I feel something. A connection. Stop, Emma. You can’t think like that, not right now. A friend is exactly what she needs right now. I get up from my bed, place my feet into my slippers, and make my way out the door. Making my way through the hallway, I can see Roxie sitting at the table, munching on a piece of bread with peanut butter on the top. I don’t know if that counts as breakfast, but I’m glad she’s eating something. She notices my entrance and gives me a smile, a bit of crumb on her lip. “Morning Emma.” “Good morning! Would you like some coffee? I make a mean brew.” “Sure thing. Lots of cream and sugar in mine, please.” She seems more upbeat today too. “No problem, it will just take a second.” I walk into the kitchen, looking back to see her scarf down the rest of her makeshift meal. I walk to the counter and begin preparing the pot. I sit there, watching the liquid drip through the filter, and think about the girl in my kitchen. No home, no family, and no friends. What is she going to do? What am I going to do? It’s not like I’ll just toss her out to fend for herself. I’ll offer the room to her for a few days, at least until she can get on her feet. No matter her answer, I’ll let her know that I’m here for her, and that she has a…friend she can rely on. Grabbing the mugs, one full of black coffee, the other sweetened to perfection, I walk back into the dining area to see the smile on her face, breathing in the scent of the heavenly bean water. As I look at her, a single thought runs through my mind: Why don’t I want her to leave?

Chapter 6: Tantrum Against The Machine A little over a week later… “Okay squad,” Bala said, “listen up!” The three-dot Pink paced in front of the monkey bars like a general reviewing their troops. “Most of you don’t know each other, and that’s by design so I’ll make introductions for you.” The ringleader pointed to two Latinx Pinks, a boy and a girl. Possibly related, Ai thought. Was that racist? “This is Sun and Moon,” Bala said. The pair high fived each other. “They have the same Carer and they’re actually brother and sister.” Inwardly, Ai wiped the sweat from her brow. “This is Tower,” Bala continued, pointing to a tow headed girl with glasses resting on all fours. Ironic that she was the lowest to the ground. The girl waved to everyone shyly. Bala’s gaze lifted to a Pink girl in a onesie dangling upside down from the monkey bars above Tower. “That’s Baby.” “Why do I have to be Baby?” the girl complained. “Would you rather be Fool?” Baby harumphed and crossed her arms. The blush in her cheeks might have been embarrassment or just the blood rushing to her head. “No. I’ll be Baby.” “Magician,” Bala labeled Ai. Then she pointed to herself. “Chariot.” Then she held up her doll. “Star.” When even the doll got a code name, you knew it was serious. “Oh,” Bala said, “and that’s Ghost.” Ai looked to her right and almost jumped out of her skin! A Carer! They hadn’t even started their brilliant act of rebellion and they’d already been caught! A second later, Ai’s brain kicked in and caught up with her eyes. No. Not a Carer. Just the oldest Pink she’d ever seen. The Black woman nicknamed ‘Ghost’ raised her hand and waved meekly at the others. Two dots glowed on her wrist, same as everyone else. Her outfit was the same pale rose as a Carer’s scrub, but the material was different. She was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts that hid neither the bulge nor the very top of her diaper. Being old enough to be the rest of the group’s biological mother should have made her stick out like a sore thumb, but amazingly Ai didn’t think she’d have noticed the woman if Bala hadn’t pointed her out. “Ghost is really good at stealth.” Ai blinked and looked away. “I can tell…” Bala took a seat in the playground mulch and bid everyone gather around her. They did, forming a tight knit circle.”Ghost. Duck, duck, goose without the goose.” The older Pink started circling the group, patting each one on the head, but not saying anything. “So here’s a fun fact,” Bala whispered. “Where do you think Luna comes from?” “Phones?” Baby guessed. “The internet?” Sun (or maybe it was Moon…the boy one) tried. Ai knew the answer. “With as powerful as Luna is, her network servers would have to be spread out all over the globe.” Bala touched her nose. “Exactly. Anybody want to guess where they are?” “Antarctica?” “The moon?” Bala winced. “Nope. Think simpler.” She pointed down at the ground. “Get the fuck out!” Ai said. It was laughable! Why would the most powerful computer ever created by mankind, practically a machine god, have its servers underneath a public playground? “It’s true,” Bala’s sage words carried unseen weight with them. “Think about it. Who works for Luna? Who does she trust more than anybody?” “The Carers,” Ai replied. “And do people want to be around us?” Bala asked. “Not if they can avoid it.” Ghost said, startling Ai again. It was true. The only people who used these playgrounds were Carers and the people forced to be cared for by them. To everyone else they were warnings or unseen; something to avoid and not think about if at all possible. They certainly were before Ai turned Pink. “So you’re a crazy computer who manages the world,” Bala started, “And you only want your most trusted servants near your brain.” Ai finished the thought. “So you hide the pieces of your brain in places where your agents walk freely and make it so that everybody else wants to stay as far away as possible.” Bala made her doll clap its hands. “Magician gets the hat trick!” “So what do we do?” Ai asked. “First,” Bala said, pointing at the siblings, “Sun and Moon need to provide cover. Everybody loves them. We need you to start a playground-wide game of group freeze tag. Boys versus girls. Girls it first. I want everybody moving and stopping so fast and chasing each other that our Carers won’t be sure where we are.” “We can make something like that go on for about ten minutes until everybody gets too tired or bored,” the girl reported. “We’re gonna need it to last at least fifteen,” Bala replied. She was met with a nod and salute. “Tower. You’re a better cuddly type than any of us. I need you to be over with the majority of Carers doing everything you can to soak up all of their attention. If they’re cooing over you they’re not actively looking at us.” The girl who’d been the lowest to the ground saluted. “Do what I was gonna do anyways. Got it!” “Baby, you’ve got a good set of lungs and a better set of eyes. I need you to be playing near our point of entry and keep a lookout. If things start to go south top side, I need you to cry your lungs out. If we’re lucky we’ll hear you. If not, you can still buy us more time by faking an emergency. Baby seemed nonplussed. “That’s why my codename’s ‘Baby’? Because you need a crier? Can’t I have something cooler than that?” “What about me?” Ai asked. “Magician,” Bala nodded,”You, me, Star, and Ghost are going underground. There’s a drain pipe that leads to the main server location. I’ve been in there only once before and then got out as soon as I realized what I was looking at. Ghost, you’re going to be our Trojan Horse. From a distance you’ll pass for a Carer. Up close you can get the jump on one of the real ones.” “Why do I have to be a Baby?” Baby asked again. Bala ignored her. “Magician, I need you to take point and lead the way once inside. It’ll be blind leading the blind down there, but I think you’ll be able to pull it off. You're more alert than any of us. Use that paranoia to your advantage.” “And you Ba…Chariot?” Ai asked. A sinister grin flashed .”Me and Star will take down the software.” “And it’ll…what? Kill Luna?” Ai asked. The others all suddenly looked worried. Did they really want to kill a machine god as a prank?” “Probably not,” Bala said. “Too many parks. Too many redundancies. But we can cost Luna a lot of data. Show her she’s not as clever as she thinks she is.” Frames relaxed. Energy increased. And that same sinister smile spread across everyone in the group’s face. “So…who’s ready to give God a stroke?” ************************************************************************************************************* Ai shouldn’t have looked back. She really shouldn’t have. If she’d just stuck with the plan this would have been a completely different story. It was hot under the playground. Hotter than Ai had expected. Machine shop hot. Oven hot. Dark too. Luna didn’t need to worry about the comfort of humans in a place where humans weren’t supposed to be. Ai felt like she was dripping from everywhere by the time they navigated the tiny labyrinth. But things were running smoothly. It wasn’t as much a maze as it was a haunted house. There was an intuitive path that led from doorway to doorway, even when there were only slowly blinking orange lights to navigate by. No security, either. Why would there be? No one came here. Security might draw attention. “I think this is it,” Ai said, coming upon stacks and stacks of large rectangular steel blocks. They glowed, blinked, and hummed, heat pouring out of them. “Good,” Bala panted. “Just gotta find an access panel.” “Then what?” In the dark, Bala waggled her doll around. “Remember my secret?” She peeled open the back of the doll’s dress and removed something tiny and square. “The one Luna can’t figure out?” Ai stared in awe at the tiny little chip. “What is it?” “Just a bit of code I made as a nurse. Half of one, technically. Sends a shutdown signal without calling for a restart. But the rest of the code is filler. Creates a feedback loop so there’s no way to turn it back on again. The receivers are constantly processing trying to fill an order that’s never complete. So simple, it was brilliant. And Ai didn’t know the first thing about coding, but on a fundamental level she felt she understood. It was exactly the sort of thing that higher artificial intelligence would overlook. Also something that it would be powerless to stop since it too was made of code. Now all they had to do was find a space to stick it in. “Can I hold it?” Ai asked, full of wonder. “Sure.” Never before had Ai felt so powerful. By having this bit of steel and circuits in the palm of her hand she felt like she finally had all of that sorely needed agency. The power to destroy. The power of chaos and entropy right at her fingertips. “Hey!” a deep voice called out. “What are you doing in here? This is for authorized personnel only.” “Run!” Bala shrieked. Ai didn’t need to be told twice. She darted into the shadows, the sound of pounding footsteps ricocheting off the walls. Hers. Bala’s. Ghost’s. The guard’s. Ai huffed and panted, trying to regain control of her breathing lest she hyperventilate or be heard. “Access hatch,” she said to herself. “Gotta find an access hatch!” She started fumbling around in the darkness. Hoping for her fingers to find purchase on something. Something to grab or hold onto. Something to peel away or unlatch. YES! Her fingers felt a groove. Her ears were rewarded with a click. Her eyes, adjusted to the dim light, saw what she thought was the perfect place. “Here goes nothing…” she said to herself. In a way she was right. What is there left to give when you have nothing to lose? The chip slipped into the tiny slot perfectly. She felt more than heard the satisfying little *click* when she pushed it all the way in. One Mississippi… Two Mississippi…. The lights went out. All of them. The sound of humming machinery stopped. “What the-?” A confused voice said and then turned into a grunt followed by a heavy thud. Silence. “Magician?” Bala called out. “You there? Magi-?” “HERE!” Ai screamed. “HERE!” “Good,” Bala said. “That was definitely the guard. Good work Ghost. Magician, follow my voice!” “On it, Chariot!” Ten seconds of impromptu Marco Polo later, and they were on their way out, holding hands and snaking back through the corridors. “I can’t believe we did it!” Bala gushed. “We pulled it off again! Everything went perfectly according to plan!” “Yeah!” Ai said. It was the first time in a long time where everything had gone the way she’d hoped it would. It was a foreign feeling at this point. A bad one. Everything went right. That meant that something had gone incredibly wrong. Ai slipped the other girl’s grip. “Just one second! Be right back!” “Ai!” Bala called after her. “Wait! Come back!” But Ai was too fast. “No,” Ai heard herself whispering. “No, no, no…” Ai hated what she was seeing. The orange track lights had come back on. Why were they coming back on?! “Nooooo, no, no, no, no-no-no.” The processing towers were still blinking! They shouldn’t be blinking! Why the fuck were they blinking?! She’d just trashed them! Fried out computer towers don’t just come back on! Luna shouldn’t be able to recover this quickly! Luna should be glitching and spiraling and shutting down for repairs. “Nonononononononononononono!” Ai wanted to turn back. She desperately wished she could slow down and be caught by her friend Bala. Yet is was as if some primordial force inside of her kept pushing her down the same path all over again. Her need to scratch this itch and find out the truth superseded her need to be happy. Like a coaster on the tracks, she ran down the same path she’d taken before. And just like an amusement park ride or a haunted house, everything in the computer room, from the computers, to the lights, to the guard had reset back to its point one. It was too hot in here. Way too hot. Real computer towers would have fried themselves at this temperature. “Nonononononono.” Stupid! Stupid girl! Stupid selfish short sighted idiot little girl! So desperate to get tricked that she almost let herself give into the illusion. To be the hero for once instead of the victim. She wanted the lie SO BADLY. But she was no knight in shining armor. Just an idiot with a barber’s bowl on her head. And Bala was no Dulcinea. Just a common who- “Ai!” Bala reached out and grabbed Ai’s wrist. “Come on! You have to get out of here before it’s too…” Ai yanked her arm away as hard as she could. “How long have you been working for Luna?!” “What the hell are you talking about?” Bala asked, hurt and confused. “I tell you I want to rebel against Luna and you instantly know that there are secret servers right under the playground that you’ve never brought up?” “I didn’t trust you,” Bala stammered. “I had to know you were ready to make the ultimate-” “Cut the crap Bala!” Bala hung her head. She inhaled through her nose and puffed out through her mouth. When she raised her head back up, she was clutching her dumb doll again. “All Three-dots Work for Luna,” she said quietly. “Someone’s gotta show the other perma-Pinks how to enjoy it.” The words alone were a slap in the face. Just another means of manipulation. Just another means of control. A wild brat that seemed to control her Carer and get whatever she wanted. How unreal! Meanwhile Ai was taking her word as gospel and channeling her own wants as silly tantrums and pointless pranks. “You needed to lash out,” Bala spoke softly. “You needed to hate someone. You needed a win. So we gave you one.” “Where are her real servers?” Ai just had to know. “She’s Luna,” Bala said. “On the moon of course.” That explained the cringe earlier. In the darkness, the two Pinks could just make out the whites of each other’s eyes. “And what’s going to stop me from telling everybody else about this? Telling them the truth?” Just like the whites of the other girl’s eyes, Ai could barely make out Bala’s cheshire grin. “Why Ai,” Bala said. “Once people know how amazing you were, that it was you who saved the day and inserted the chip on the great playground adventure; that you were so naughty that Luna decided to take away your Big Girl status forever to keep herself safe; why would you want to tell them what really happened?” Ai gasped. Was Bala saying what Ai thought she was? “You could have it all,” Bala said, her voice calm and hypnotic. “No need for a job. Your every desire catered to. All your friends loving and respecting you. Everybody else scared of you. No one will ever be able to hurt you ever again.” It was true. Ai really did want those things. But did she really want them, or did she have those desires because of Bala’s influence and a lack of other options? “You’ll even get a little doll of your own.” Bala held out her porcelain effigy, her Aya. “One that has a special surprise for good girls like us.” A strange yet familiar voice droned out of the doll’s unmoving mouth. “Hello, Ai. I am very satisfied with the progress you’ve made thus far. You have advanced much more quickly than I initially anticipated. I’m so proud of you.” Luna! Luna was talking to her! Saying she was proud of her! Giving her purpose again! Giving her permission! “You’ll also get to be in on the biggest secret ever,” Bala tempted. “Carer’s are not Luna’s favored agents. We are. Luna loves us so much that she never wants us to have to do anything for ourselves ever again. We are the real secret rulers of the world.” “And all I have to do,” Ai reached out towards the doll with trembling hands, sweat dripping from her fingertips. “Is tell a story?” “That is correct, Ai.” Aya- Luna really- said. “Your final initiation. Your final test.” It was everything Ai had ever wanted. She could have access to Luna. She could have her cake and eat it too, being a rake and a brat while also being near the top of an important social structure. She even got a servant in Nana out of the deal. And all she had to do was pretend to be a big dumb baby for the rest of her days. “So what do you say, Ai?” It would be easy. It was everything Ai could ever dream of. But it wasn’t the truth. Ai’s lips pouted and puckered like she was about to blow a kiss. In a way she was; a kiss of death. Hers, or all of society. “No.”

Chapter 4: Brat Ai screamed. Ai cried. Ai wailed. Ai thrashed. “Ai?” Nana asked, “What’s wrong, honey?” She removed the feeding tray from Ai’s highchair and pulled the girl into her lap. “Does your tummy hurt? Are you thirsty? Bored?” She bounced Ai lightly in her lap. “Sleepy? I just changed you.” With nothing to cover her breasts but a restaurant provided bib, Ai gave Nana no quarter or no clue as to how the Carer could make the screaming stop. Save for when she was particularly bored, Ai didn’t talk to Nana; not with words. Ai didn’t even think of the tall dark woman as ‘Maria’ anymore. Names were for people she cared about. Nana wasn’t even a person to Ai; just a Carer. “Ai,” Nana said, exasperated. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t make it better.” A beat of screaming. “Are you sleepy? Is that it? I can let you lay down. Would you like that? Take a nap in the booth across from me?” Ai stopped crying and considered it. She didn’t think she’d ever gotten to sleep on a padded restaurant bench. Changed? Yes. Breastfed, yes. Sleep? No. Ai could sleep anywhere these days. Anywhen, too. The challenge of curling up under a pastel pink blankie and snoozing while patrons around her chatted, ate their steaks and sipped chardonnay was enticing. Maybe later. The unprovoked tantrum started again. She felt her Nana tense up just as she was starting to relax. That wonderful feeling was enough to reinvigorate her and give her enough gas to go all night long. From out of the restaurant’s captive audience, another Carer clothed in rose-colored scrubs emerged. “I’ll take her for a while, Maria. You enjoy your food.” “Thank you,” an exasperated and grateful Nana said. She boosted Ai up by the hips and into the arms of the other agent of Luna. Just to make things difficult, Ai squirmed and reached back for Nana as if scared to part ways with the woman. The guilty and ashamed look on Nana’s face was better than the rarest Kobe beef. As was the dissatisfied look on her face when she finally got to taste her first bite of steamed broccoli. Ai’s wish had come true; the meal had started to go cold. Nana’s substitute carried Ai through the restaurant, shushing her and patting her back, trying to get her to calm down. Without stopping, she left the restaurant proper and started doing laps out in the parking lot. So much the better. All around her, inside the establishment and out, passerby stared at Ai, their gazes filled to the brim with discomfort. What should they do? Should they ignore the screaming Pink? Should they complain? Would Luna penalize them for it? Who was to say? Mixed with that was the fear that they too might one day end up like Ai; trapped with no independence or power, allowed no privileges or responsibilities. They pitied her. More than that, they feared becoming like her. Ai had been afraid once. Now she wasn’t. She didn’t know how long she’d been acting this way. After the first week of playing with Bala she’d stopped keeping track of time. Days of the week didn’t matter; they all ended with ‘y’ anyways. She’d probably lost her job by now and been evicted from her apartment. Hard to tell. She hadn’t touched a tablet or anything more technologically advanced than a jack-in-the box in who knew how long. In the midst of her tantrum, Ai realized that she hadn’t seen any other Pinks that required caring for in the restaurant. That meant Luna had had to send an off-duty Carer to give Nana a break. Good. That meant that Luna was paying attention to her again. It also meant that there was one less Carer available should the computer decide that someone else didn’t deserve their independence. In the days before Luna, there had been this thing called ‘religion’. As Ai understood it, religion was a series of stories that people told themselves in order to trick themselves into being good. In more recent times, Luna had replaced God as the all seeing, all knowing, invisible, adjudicator, and the Carers had taken on the part of angels and executors of her will. The result had been largely satisfactory for all involved and the eternally sought after Heaven on Earth had long since been achieved. That made Ai akin to a demon. Since giving up and focusing all her energy on being her best-worst Pinkest self, she’d truly found something she’d been missing. She was something to be contained; something to be feared. People looked at her and reminded themselves to be good little boys and girls, lest they end up on the playground with Ai. Luna refused to talk to her anymore, but Ai had made peace with that. That was fine. Vexing the Carers and selfishly worrying only about her immediate gratification was more than enough. If she couldn’t take her anger out on her god, she could punish the angels instead. This was only a punishment if she allowed it to be. Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven… Ai screamed. Ai cried. Ai wailed. Ai thrashed. She’d never been happier. ************************************************************************************************************** It was Nana’s day off. Ai laid on the padded floor of Bala’s home, both girls coloring contently during their playdate. It wasn’t really coloring, for that would imply an attempt to stay within the prescribed lines only adding different shades of color once the hard work had been done. Instead, they scribbled on the paper maliciously and randomly. Bala took her latest ‘mess-ter-piece’, this one a picture of a cow on a grassy field that had every naughty word Ai had ever heard of branded onto its hide and the grass soaked with neon orange blood, and crumpled it up. It sailed through the air and landed with a quiet rustle by the coffee table a few feet away. She wasn’t dissatisfied with the attempt, Ai knew, only done with it. True happiness as a Pink came from acting on impulse. Color, scribble, write naughty words, carve graven images, do whatever feels right regardless, and then move on to the next thing. Ai copied the gesture, tossing away her cloudy sky with far too many purple penises behind her without a second thought. What next? She grabbed another sheet- something with a sailboat-took a big bite out of the corner, chewed, swallowed, and tossed the remains away. “Aya says that’s bad for you,” Bala said without looking up. She’d moved onto turning a busy city street into a nuclear fallout disaster. There was no judgment in her voice; no passive-aggressiveness like with Luna. She was only conveying a message from doll to human. “Why do I care?” Ai asked, rolling over onto her back. She arched her neck so that she could keep looking at her best friend and mentor. From her point of view, Bala was suddenly glued to the ceiling. “It’s up to Nana to take care of me if I get sick. Not my problem.” That and she’d hoped that if she ate enough paper it’d start coming out in her poop. Self-wiping poop. Genius! Bala seemed to consider that. “Good point.” The crunch of her biting into the jumbo green crayon was not unlike biting into a fresh carrot. Bala’s Mommy came around and started to pick up the bits of paper detritus left in the Pinks’ wake. In the days before Luna came online, the house would have been described as ‘slightly messy’, or ‘lived in’. By modern standards it was a pig sty. In Ai’s heart of hearts, it was nothing less than an accomplished act of terrorism. The Carer stopped putting the scraps in a waste paper basket long enough to check their diapers. Neither one of them flinched while their padding was poked and prodded and the waistbands and leg gathers pulled open. The woman in scrubs might as well have been a cleaning robot, such was their freedom. “Come on, Bala,” Bala’s Mommy coaxed, bright and cheery despite how visibly tired she looked. “Let’s go get your diaper changed.” Bala did not look up from her scribbling. “No,” she said flatly. “Don’t wanna.” “But you’ll get a ra-” “No.” There was more edge this time. One more time and Bala would make her Mommy regret it. “Fine,” the Carer sighed. “Then I’ll go get your stuff and change you here on the floor.” A hint of a smile. Bala’s eyes darted to the porcelain doll, as if sharing a secret inside joke with the toy. “Kay-kay.” Ai watched the woman trudge off to Bala’s nursery to fetch diapers and wipes. She hoped to have her own Mommy under that kind of control. Truly the kind of power Bala wielded over Luna’s agents was almost as great as Luna itself. Ai had come so far in such a short time, but it seemed she still had so much to learn. “Bala?” Ai rolled over back to her stomach. “Can I ask you a question?” For once, Bala’s incredibly short attention span allowed her to focus wholly on her playmate. “Yup yup!” Ai reached out and poked the third glowing dot on the other Pink’s arm. “How did you get this?” “Luna decided that I should never not be a Pink.” The idea seemed positively alien to Ai. One dot was a warning- don’t think you’ve outgrown Luna too much. Two dots was a kind of penance. Even people like Ai who had given up on trying to regain some semblance of their old life could hypothetically climb their way back up the totem pole. Three dots a life sentence? Inconceivable. Yet on the playgrounds and birthday parties and carnivals and every other occasion where Pinks were forced to mingle, Bala was the highest of the low and first among equals. If you still held onto fantasies about gaming the system and getting out of a Carer’s grasp, she was persona non grata. If not, she was the closest thing to a celebrity guru. “How?” Ai asked, her volume suddenly near a whisper. Bala’s Mommy came in, a fresh diaper and wipes in hand. Bala rolled over onto her back and grabbed her doll, dangling it up above her head. Ai thought that Bala was going to wait for her Mommy to leave before continuing the confession. She only waited long enough for the tapes to rip. “This isn’t my first Mommy,” Bala said. Ai arched an eyebrow, suddenly curious. “Oh? What happened?” “It’s a long story.” Ai thought that meant she’d have to hear the rest of it later. Bala just needed to pause long enough for her legs to be thrown up so she could have her backside wiped. “I used to want to be a Carer.” The fresh spurt of pee seeping into Ai’s diaper was merely coincidence. But if she’d had her continence it might not have been. In her schema, Bala was about as far from a Carer as one could possibly be. “Really?” “Yeah,” Bala said. “Take care of the Pinks. Make their lives better. Give them something they never had. That sort of thing.” Ai pushed herself up to all fours and then back onto her bum. She drew her knees up slightly. “Okay…” “Luna decided I wasn’t a good fit. Thought I didn’t have the temperament or something.” Bala dangled the little doll, Aya, in the air, making it dance. Damn, but she loved that doll. A note of bitterness creeped into her voice when she said. “Nobody ever appreciates what you do for them. No matter how many times you’re a good girl.” For some reason Ai couldn’t shake the feeling that Bala was talking about her. “What’d you do then?” The Mommy slid out the old diaper and carefully balled it and the soiled wipes up. “I became a nurse.” Before Luna, that would have been a medical position. With all the advances brought on in the decades since, ‘nurse’ was more of a nanite technician, someone who specialized in the little robots’ transmission signals. Closer to a customer service troubleshooter at an internet service provider than someone versed in the care of the human body. These days there wasn’t much difference; just like there wasn’t much difference between a Pink and an unpotty trained toddler. “How did you end up Pink?” Ai asked. Bala fidgeted and her eye twitched while her Mommy rubbed cream into every fold. “I dunno,” she admitted. “Luna never told me. Did she tell you?” Ai stared down at the foam letter blocks on the floor. “No. Luna didn’t.” “Then I got mad, and got my second dot.” Bala said. Been there. Done that. Powder rained down onto Bala’s bottom and drifted into the fresh diaper that had been slipped underneath her. “Then I got my first Mommy. Then I got mad.” “What’d you do?” Ai was up on her knees, looking like a deer ready to sprint away or a supplicant ready to bow in worship. A dark, knowing grin blossomed on Bala’s face; one that went all the way to her eyes. “I figured out how to reprogram her nanites. Made her a Pink without the dots.” A gasp forced its way out of Ai. The only thing that covered it up was the crinkling and rustling of the fresh diaper being pulled up between Bala’s legs. Ai remembered watching some old gangster movies when she was younger. A classic trope was where the head mobster would get his face shaved by someone who hated and feared him, knowing that at any time the barber could slit his throat with a straight razor but didn’t have the guts. Ai couldn’t help but see the parallels in this situation. “Funny thing is,” Bala babbled on. “Now she’s Pink, too. She had an emotional breakdown from all the teasing. Luna thought it would be easier to just make it official.” “How?” Ai asked. “How’d you manage to do that?” The Carer stood up and took away the dirty diaper. Bala threw a toe back and puckered her lips trying to suck at it. “That’s the best part,” Bala giggled. “Luna still hasn’t figured it out, and I’m not telling!” Ai sucked her thumb, humbled and awed at the revelation. She had so much more to learn.

A likely part is because it removes all the shame of having this fetish. If you're forced it's not you who decided to do something crazy and thus there can be no blame and shame on you. It's liberating. A second part is that you are then free to enjoy the moment, rather than having to worry or feel responsible over your choices. You no longer have to expend thought and energy over how exactly to work this thing into your life, because it is no longer up to you. Another form of liberation, which you can also recognize in people who like being submissive. A third part is that it instantly creates a person who knows and approves of your predicament, for whatever reason, and thus is voluntarily part of the fetish. Instant connection and approval.

Chapter Three Ai was still trembling, even fifteen minutes after the spanking was over. The queen had taken her by the hand and led her down the halls of the empty castle. She was talking about something, but Ai was struggling to focus. Her body was alight with adrenaline, but she was tired at the same time. "Now, Ice and Claire, it's not proper for the king's justice to be suspended, so we certainly need a reason for it, otherwise you'll be right back on his lap before you know it. You're such a small little thing, though… I think we can come up with something." Ai nodded. She didn't know what she was agreeing to, but anything was better than getting spanked like that again. She had never felt so helpless in her entire life, and nothing had hurt her quite so badly. Sure, she'd had a few concussions. She broke her leg once, and two of her fingers. But there was something about that spanking that made all that seem like gentle bruising. Perhaps that was just the way spankings felt, or perhaps the king himself had something to do with it. The queen led Ai up the stairs of a tower and into the room at the top. There was a bed with curtains above and around it. There was some white furniture that really seemed to bring out the brightness of the grey stone walls. But most importantly, there was a balcony. It overlooked the forest, but not the way she had come. That's when Ai realized she didn't have her backpack. Or her compass. "Your Majesty, could I please—" "Ah, ah," the queen interrupted. "You know better than to call me that." Ai had to pause to remember what it was the queen was talking about. The spanking and the conversation that followed were nothing but a blurry memory to her. When Ai finally pieced it together, a blush came over her cheeks. "Um... Mommy..." Ai muttered. She had never called anyone that before, not once in her life. She knew what a Mommy was; she'd seen it enough times. The parent to a child. Specifically a woman, and specifically a very young child. A child with no autonomy, who relied on the parent for every little thing. Ai felt embarrassed, having put herself in that category. But there were more pressing concerns. "Could I please have my backpack?" Ai asked. "When you're done with your discipline, you can have your belongings back," the queen said simply, and Ai knew there wasn't room to argue. "Let's get you dressed, Ice and Claire," the queen said, motioning to the bed. "It's inappropriate for you to be wearing clothes you picked out." "My clothes are in my backpack," Ai argued, but the queen didn't seem deterred at all. She went over to a wardrobe in the corner and Ai sat on the edge of the bed. She couldn't go through all those spankings again, so she had to figure out a way to get her backpack back. Maybe it was still in the throne room. The queen turned around with a puffy pink dress in her hands, the kind of dress Ai had only ever seen on little girls in fancy houses. And, well, the castle was kind of a fancy house. But Ai wasn't a little girl. "I don't really like dresses," Ai tried to tell the queen. "Dresses are easy access for the king and me, Ice and Claire. And that's important, because you may need to be checked on." Easy access as a term sent a shiver up Ai's spine. Why did they need access to anything under her skirt? The only thing that came to mind was more of those spankings... was the dress a reminder to behave? With a reluctant sigh, Ai reached for the dress. "Oh, no no," the queen said sweetly. "I'll get you dressed. I'm your Mommy, after all, aren't I?" Ai didn't answer, but that was answer enough. The taller woman stripped off Ai's shirt and pants, leaving her in nothing but her wet underwear. Ai blushed, looking down at her feet and covering her bare chest with her arms. "These too," the queen said, pulling down Ai's panties. Ai reached to grab them, but the queen slapped her hands away. "Please, I can change myself..." "Nonsense," the queen said simply. Then she unfolded a pair of underwear that Ai didn't recognize, not at first. They weren't made of the same kind of material of any panties Ai had ever seen. But when the woman prompted her to step into them, she realized why. They were the same kind that little kids wore when they were potty training. "Wait, hold on. Why do I have to wear those training pants?" Ai asked incredulously. "Well, you got your other panties all wet," the queen said simply. "Well, yeah, but... you don't think I wet those, do you? That awful forest nymph threw me in the river!" Ai was blushing furiously. "Then you'll be able to keep your pull-ups dry," the queen countered. "Pull-ups?" Another name for the training pants, no doubt. Ai shook her head. "Absolutely not! You have the wrong idea!" "If you won't do as you're told," the queen said coldly, "you can go over Daddy's lap instead." Ai froze. Her heart rate doubled and panic zipped up her spine. The fact that the woman had referred to the king as her Daddy was just another straw on the camel's back for Ai Sinclair, but fear gripped her like a noose. She was too scared to even breathe, for just a moment, and stars appeared at the edges of her vision. "What will it be, Ice and Claire?" the queen asked. Ai looked down at her feet shyly and stepped into the training pants. *** Over the next few days, things only got worse for Ai Sinclair. The queen had an endless supply of little girl dresses, and she did everything from feeding Ai to giving her a bath. She would give Ai cups with lids full of milk, and the milk would make Ai's thoughts fuzzy for a few hours. But the worst part was, the queen seemed intent on getting Ai to have an accident. At first, it was just a lot of water and milk, so much that it was an inconvenience. Ai had to get up every hour to use the bathroom. Then the queen would plan walks around the garden, and try to keep Ai out for long periods of time. Then the queen started locking the bathroom door, so that Ai had to ask permission. But through all the trials, Ai always managed to keep her pull-up dry. Whenever Ai had any free time, she searched for her backpack. It wasn't in the throne room, and the castle was massive. Finally, the queen let it slip that it had been put in the royal bedroom for safekeeping, but the door was always locked. Objectively, Ai could always ask Daddy for the rest of her spankings. But she had seventeen sets of ten remaining, and any time she even thought about it she would panic. As much as Ai hated it, the reasonable way out wasn't a viable one. She had to find another way, and it came in the form of a silver lining. Of all of Queen Errata's inexplicable behaviors, Ai hated one more than the rest: though the queen would talk constantly to Ai, she never once listened. Even if Ai tried to engage in the conversation, she was dismissed or actively ignored. It reminded Ai of how a child talks to a doll or a cat. But it was from one of these soliloquies that Ai got an idea. "I don't see why you insist on keeping up this big girl act," the queen sighed, after yet another trip to the bathroom. "There are a lot of perks that only a little girl can get." Ai ruminated all day on what the queen meant by that, and if maybe one of those perks could get her closer to her backpack. That night, before the queen got Ai ready for bed, Ai tugged on her dress as cutely as possible and played her hand. "Mommy..." she said shyly. "Um, I was thinking about what you were saying. And at night, I get kind of scared all alone in here..." "Oh?" The queen didn't take Ai for a woman that was afraid of the dark. But the queen truly did see Ai as a little girl. "You said little girls get perks, so, um... if I were a little girl, would I be able to sleep with you and Daddy?" The queen's eyes lit up and she enthusiastically nodded her head. This lasted only a moment before she regained her composure. "Absolutely, Ice and Claire. Little girls get to sleep with Mommy and Daddy. Of course... a little girl must be properly dressed for bed, as not to have any night time accidents in the royal bed. And your pull-ups are certainly not sufficient." Ai knew part of this plan would involve a few embarrassing concessions, but she wasn't entirely sure what that looked like. The queen wanted to treat Ai like a little girl, to make Ai reliant on her, and Ai was determined to do her best to prove otherwise. What would happen when she gave up? "Yes, Mommy..." Ai muttered shyly. "Whatever you think is best..." Those magic words were far more potent than manners; those were the words that the queen wanted taught to all royal charges. She smiled blissfully, because she was getting everything she wanted. But there was mischief in her eyes. "Up on the bed," she said. Ai sighed and went over to the bed, sitting on the edge. Her feet barely touched the ground, and the bed was bigger than ones she was used to. This whole world made her feel a little smaller than the others, or maybe it was the constant doting from the queen. The queen went to an ever-present dresser on the far side of the room. When she returned, the queen set down some stuff on the bed beside Ai: a square of folded plastic and a pair of pink fluffy ovals covered in bells. Ai recognized the diaper at first glance. She had never seen one that big, and it didn't really look anything like the others she had seen for actual babies, but she just knew. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach and an indescribable anxiety filled the space. The other things, though… Ai searched through the mental catalogue she had accumulated over her travels, but the results came back empty. She looked nervously up at Mommy for answers. "Queen Mommy and King Daddy are sound sleepers, and we like to sleep in. So a nighttime diaper is a must for my little Princess-to-Be, and some mittens for your hands to keep you from fidgeting." Ai didn't know what mittens were, but it seemed like they were meant to keep her from using her fingers. But then how was she supposed to get her backpack? Ai felt like the ground was falling out beneath her feet. She had to do something. "But I'm... I don't need those, um... I don't fidget, really. I won't touch anything, I swear." And anyway, how were bells supposed to help her stop fidgeting? Ai felt like she was missing something crucial to winning her argument, but challenging the queen felt too dangerous. "Well, just as Daddy doesn't make alliances with kingdoms he hasn't visited, we can't have you sleeping in the royal bed without proving that you won't be a problem. Doesn't that make sense, Ice and Claire? Now, lay down upon the bed, sweet girl." "But... I, swear, I'm—" "Unless you'd rather sleep alone in the dark?" the queen offered. Ai hesitated. She was giving up the only card she had, giving the queen everything she wanted, and there was a good chance she wouldn't be able to get what she needed out of it. But if she went back on her deal, it was only a matter of time. Sooner or later, she'd have an accident and the queen would get her way anyway. So, with a defeated sigh, Ai laid back on the bed and looked up at the canopy. "That's very royal behavior." Which was, Ai supposed, the highest compliment that her Mommy could pay her. As Ai pondered her next move, her Mommy stripped her of the pull-up and lifted her legs. She unfolded the diaper and slid it beneath Ai's bare bottom before pulling it up between her thighs. "You're never going to have to worry about accidents again, my little girl. And there are so many perks," the Queen cooed. Ai was only half listening, if at all. It was the first time Ai could remember anyone putting her in a diaper, and it felt so routine. The familiarity was dizzying, like a book she had read a thousand times. Not a single word was new, not a single piece of punctuation was surprising. And all the same, Ai's cheeks were red with embarrassment as her Mommy taped the diaper around her hips. When it was over, when the queen pulled Ai to her feet, the familiarity vanished, but the embarrassment did not. The thickness between her legs was nothing like the pull-up, and Ai worried she wouldn't even be able to walk. She tried to act like none of this was bothering her, but Ai looked up at Mommy with such shyness. "You'll get used to it, Ice and Claire, and you'll soon wonder how you were ever not a little girl. Now hold up your hand, like this." The queen held out her hand to demonstrate, and waited for Ai to do the same. Then she fetched the first of the two jingly mittens. Ai watched carefully as her Mommy put the mitten on. Two bells, one on each side. An elastic part around the wrist. Mommy slid the fabric over Ai's hand and pulled a strap around the elastic, which clicked shut with a press. Like a lock, but there was no place for a key. Then she did the same with the other hand. Ai tried to ball her hand into a fist, to warp her wrist a little to get as much leverage as she could, but the tall woman flattened her hand inside the mitten and tightened it all the same. Ai reached over with one mitten to pull the other off, but she couldn't get a good grip. The inside was lined with some kind of padding, and the bells jingled with each of Ai's movements. "Sleeping girls don't need their hands, so this shouldn't be any problem at all for you, should it?" the queen asked, but it was a rhetorical question. "Don't fret and fuss, Ice and Claire. Just like your diapers, you'll get used to them." The queen stripped Ai of her dress and pulled a nightie over her head. Without the use of her hands, with her thighs spread apart, and with the height difference between her and her caregiver, Ai realized exactly how helpless she was. Then the queen picked her up and set her on her hip like Ai didn't weigh anything at all. The front of her diaper pressed into her Mommy's side and all Ai's plans of rebellion began to dissolve like sugar in water. The queen carried her charge from the little girl's bedroom, down the hall, up three flights of stairs - each more grand than the one before it - and finally into the royal bedroom. The king was already waiting inside, and seemed to already know what was going on. "Well, I was wondering when you would arrive, my dears. Ice and Claire, you do look positively exhausted and ready for sleep. Doesn't she, dear?" "She does," Mommy agreed, as she walked to the large bed in the center of the room. But she didn't set Ai down on the bed. Instead, she took a seat and put Ai on her lap, on her padded bottom. Her mittens jingled as she tried to hold onto her Mommy's clothes. "Now, my darling," Mommy whispered in Ai's ear. "You truly want to be my little girl? Are you absolutely sure?" Ai looked up at her with burning red cheeks. She certainly did not want that! But then she caught sight of her backpack in the corner. It was wrapped around a chair, only a few feet from the bed... With a deep breath, Ai nodded her head. "Yes, Mommy..." "Then you'll need to go to bed with a full tummy, so you wake up with a full diaper. That's appropriate for a girl your age I would say." One hand held Ai in place, like she was simply stabilizing an infant in her lap, as the other did something Ai didn't expect: it unbuttoned the top clasps of her dress. It wasn't until Mommy's bare breast was pulled from her bodice that Ai realized what was happening. A panic welled up in her so quickly that she couldn't stop it. "No, no way!" Mommy gave her a look of curiosity and Daddy crossed his arms sternly. Ai quickly backpedaled. "I... I mean... that's... a bit too far, isn't it? That's..." That was something Ai had seen done only a few times in her entire life, always by women with newborns. Every time, it made Ai blush and she had to excuse herself from the room, though her response was always quite disproportionate to the situation. "If you're to be of royal blood, then you must drink royal milk," Daddy explained, keeping his composure. "This is a divine privilege, Ice and Claire. Not many people are offered this, and many would die for it. You should be more grateful." "R-right, but... I just..." "If you'd rather finish your spankings, you can go on your way," the queen said coldly, and ice ran through Ai's blood. "N-no..." Ai was stuck between a breast and a hard spank. She tried to think of a way out of it - of any way out of it! - but time was up. Mommy cradled Ai in her arms and put Ai's lips to her chest. With a tight pull on her hair, Ai opened her mouth and latched onto Mommy's nipple. The humiliation was unbearable, but it didn't last long. Warm, sweet milk dribbled into Ai's mouth and she felt fuzzy and warm all over. Mommy's heartbeat was deep in her ear, echoing through her brain. And suddenly, all of Ai's problems melted away. It was the first time since meeting Queen Errata that she and Ai connected on something. It was spiritual and intangible. It was magic. And Ai felt things she had never felt for her Mommy: patience, curiosity, empathy… In this new light, Ai wondered if maybe the queen was doing all this for some other reason than to torture her. That maybe Ai didn't find where she belonged in the King's Kingdom, but her Mommy found where she belonged in Ai Sinclair. That maybe, since Ai hadn't yet found her own happy ending, she could be someone else's instead. It could have lasted a single minute or an eternity. Eventually Ai was removed from the queen's breast, but the feelings didn't go away. Her eyes were glossy, and as her Mommy spoke to her, Ai agreed absentmindedly. "You're a good baby girl, aren't you?" Nod. "You are so happy to be in diapers, aren't you?" Nod. "You never want to grow up again, isn't that right?" Nod. "You'll live as my baby girl, and you'll feel like this forever. Doesn't that sound wonderful?" Nod. "Say it." "Wonderful... to be your baby... forever..." Ai's voice was slurred, unable to put in enough effort to form the words correctly. Why would she need words? She was just a little baby. Ai was tucked into bed, flanked by Mommy and Daddy. Her diaper was soft between her legs, and her head was sticky with thoughts of the rest of her life. A happy, blissful life with Mommy and Daddy. Maybe this was where she always belonged after all.

So I am trying to find ways so avoid leaks because my member likes to move around in the diaper which can lead to leaks. I came across an article about tucking and decided to give it a try. so, for those who don’t know the particulars, this is where you tuck your scrotum up onto your body and then pull your penis backwards between your legs. I am not trans but I figured maybe it will help. the experience was so DIFFERENT! Normally my urine starts in the lower front of the diaper until it leaks out the top or sides. This time, however, the stream went straight back, almost like when I am lying on my back in bed. As I urinated throughout the morning, the back continued to fill until it pushed to the front, the inverse of what usually happens. It’s such a weird sensation and I fell I DID get more out of it. has anyone else done this?

Hi all! Sorry for not posting any new chapters lately; the new semester started and I've been kind of swamped with that! I'll be doing my best to post a 2-4 chapters every week from here on out! Chapter Ten Ms. Akiyama’s sunglasses blocked out the brilliant reflection of the sun off the still remaining banks of snow as she walked up the concrete steps of a cute little three-story townhouse. Cute little handmade Halloween decorates hung in the windows, like pumpkins and ghosts cut out of construction paper and black and orange paper ring chains. Ms. Akiyama reached out one finger and jabbed the white plastic doorbell and heard a series of chimes call in response from inside. A gust of wind cut through Ms. Akiyama’s peacoat as she waited; the snow was melting, but it was still unseasonably cold for this time of year. “Well,” a tall woman with strawberry blonde hair, tanned pink skin, and big glasses wearing mom jeans and a slightly wrinkled white blouse exclaimed with a slight southern drawl as she opened the door, “if it isn’t Hana Akiyama. Darling, how are you doing? Please come in,” she pushed open the screen door and stepped aside for her visitor, “I was so pleasantly surprised to hear from you last night.” “Hi, Heather,” Ms. Akiyama gave a tight lipped but polite smile as she stepped past the other woman and into her home. Ms. Akiyama immediately checked the floor around herself and the door, noting no discarded shoes and a pair of off-white New Balances on Heather’s feet, cueing her to leave her own shoes on. She then surveyed the room she had stepped into; a large living room with a dark grey couch flanked by a matching dark wood set of end tables and coffee table facing a sleek black entertainment center with a large flat-screen TV currently playing cartoons. “Thank you so much for inviting me over today, I really appreciate the chance to pick your brain.” “Oh, no worries at all, darling; I’m so happy to help you! Come on,” Heather beckoned Ms. Akiyama further into the house, waving her in with pale pink acrylic nails, “we can talk in my office! May I get you something to drink?” Ms. Akiyama followed the other women deeper into the house, but as she rounded the couch, her eyes were fixated on the large, open space in the living room where a girl Rei’s age sat in a playpen. The playpen itself was made of interlocking, hard plastic squares and could be configured to various shapes and sizes. The walls stood a little more than three feet high: taller than one would need to keep a toddler-sized toddler from mantling the sides, which was good since the toddler sitting in the middle of it was taller than Ms. Akiyama (though, admittedly, she was not a very tall woman). Megan Eckridge didn’t seem to notice Ms. Akiyama at first. Her gaze was fixed on the TV and a line of drool fell from the corner of her mouth around the thumb firmly planted inside. She was wearing a cropped t-shirt and a bright pink diaper with bunnies on it. It was clearly wet. On the floor in front of the girl’s crossed legs was a coloring book and a box of colored pencils. “Hi, Megan,” Ms. Akiyama said tentatively, giving the girl a little wave. The girl turned her head towards her name and immediately withdrew her thumb, wiping it on her shirt and trying to pretend she wasn’t just sucking it. “Um, hi,” she responded, but there was no recognition behind those eyes. “Oh, silly me,” Heather came back to where Ms. Akiyama had stopped, “I didn’t even think you might want to say hello to little miss Megan over here. Megan,” she addressed the girl with a saccharine voice, “do you remember your friend Rei?” Megan smiled and nodded, understanding dawning on her face. “Yes, um,” she turned her head towards Ms. Akiyama, “hello, Ms. Akiyama.” Her diction was far better than everything else about her appearance (size aside) would suggest. “Hi, Megan,” Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but find herself bending over the girl a little bit in mimicry of Heather’s stance, “how are you doing today?” Nor could she keep a certain cooing quality out of her voice. Somewhere in her brain, she knew this was a nineteen-year-old girl, just like Rei, and yet the illusion of toddlerhood was so convincing, she couldn’t help but respond to it. “I’m good,” her cheeks were turning a warm red, “just…watching TV and coloring.” “She’s being a good girl for mommy while mommy works, isn’t that right, munchkin?” Heather chimed in. “Mommy…” the girl whined embarrassedly, yet seemingly unembarrassed to be heard calling her mother ‘mommy,’ Then the girl’s eyes suddenly went wide, as if just remembering something, “is Rei here?” She leaned over, her diaper crinkling under her, to look behind Ms. Akiyama. “Not today, sweetheart,” Ms. Akiyama responded. “But,” Heather chimed in immediately, “maybe it won’t be too long before you two can have a playdate, right Hana?” Ms. Akiyama let out a little breathless laugh, “yes, maybe, would you like that, Megan?” Megan put her finger to her lip, pantomiming being deep in thought, and Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but notice how truly toddler-like Megan was in that moment. “Sometimes,” Megan said at last, “I miss Rei, it would be nice to see her.” “Well, then we will just have to make sure to arrange that for you two,” Heather reached down and grabbed the pacifier hanging from Megan’s shirt and popped it in the girl’s mouth. “Now, Ms. Akiyama and Mommy are going to go talk in her office, you be good and watch your show, okay? And no more thumb sucking, little lady, that’s what your paci is for.” Heather booped her daughter’s nose, eliciting a gleeful giggle in response, then straightened up and beckoned Ms. Akiyama deeper into the house. “Now, Hana,” Heather said as she led Ms. Akiyama into the dining room and pulled out a chair for her, “can I get your something to drink? Coffee? Iced tea?” She dropped her voice and held her hand to her mouth as if whispering a secret, “a glass of white wine? I won’t judge, darling!” Ms. Akiyama chuckled politely, “a coffee sounds lovely, Heather, thank you.” “Coming right up,” Heather walked into the kitchen, pulled out two mugs and began fiddling with a pod coffee machine as she spoke. “You know, I was a little surprised to hear from you last night. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t unwelcome, I was just…surprised, you know?” Ms. Akiyama did know. She had once been pretty good friends with Heather Eckridge. Their daughters had met in middle school and become inseparable for years after that. Heather might not have been the kind of person Ms. Akiyama would have become friends with under more natural circumstances, but their daughter’s friendship had put them in close proximity and the two had eventually grown fond of each other. And then everything changed, and their friendship changed with it. It wasn’t like they were strangers now, but they…well…aside from the run-in a few months ago at the store, the most the two had communicated since their daughters had graduated from high school was through liking each other’s social media posts. Which, for Ms. Akiyama, just added to the surrealness of this reunion; she felt like she knew every major life update Heather had gone through for the past couple of years, and vice versa, while also having drifted away from the woman they had happened to. “Yes, I’m…sorry I didn’t keep in better touch,” Ms. Akiyama replied, mostly because she felt like that’s what she should say. “No worries, sugar,” Heather said as she came back into the dining room and set two glass of iced tea down. “I understand life is just hectic these days; I mean, you see what I’ve had my hands full with,” she chuckled as she gestured back towards the living room. “Speaking of, you said this was about Rei? What’s going on with her?” Ms. Akiyama sighed, blowing the steam from her coffee cup as she did, “I’m not sure I even know, Heather,” she replied, “and that’s kind of the problem.” Heather made an sympathetic sound in her throat and sipped on her coffee. “I’ll be honest, Hana; I always thought you were against…well, the kind of treatment Megan gets,” Heather said bluntly but neither accusatorially nor defensively. “To be honest, I thought it was part of the reason we drifted apart.” “I was never against it,” Ms. Akiyama replied, “and it certainly wasn’t the reason we drifted apart.” Of course, neither statement was entirely true; though, in fairness, neither was entirely false, either. “I guess I just…never understood it,” she said, a little more honestly, “but, lately…well…” she shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “Why don’t you tell me the whole story, darling? Right from the beginning.” So, Ms. Akiyama did. “I’m just worried about her,” Ms. Akiyama said some few minutes later as she was coming to the conclusion of her tale, “worried she’s going to start hanging out with the wrong crowds and get herself in trouble, not to mention fill her head with ideas that will only lead to being unhappy and frustrated. I know Rei’s independence is important to her, and I’ve tried to be respectful of that, but if these are the kinds of decisions she is making with that independence, maybe…maybe she’s not mature enough to handle it, after all. “I understand exactly what you mean, darling,” Heather reached out and placed a sympathetic hand on Ms. Akiyama’s, “that’s why we never let Megan go off to college. Her and Rei are so alike, I just know Megan would have ended up taking those kinds of classes, probably gotten herself involved with that Rebel group—” “And that’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Ms. Akiyama interjected. “It’s bad enough that Rei is even taking these kinds of classes, but going behind my back and lying about it is so unlike her that I’m worried what else she might be capable of doing. It makes me worried she’s already gotten her head full of ideas that are going to get her hurt or worse.” Heather nodded along sympathetically as Ms. Akiyama spoke. “It would certainly be a tragedy to see poor Rei go down that path.” “So,” Ms. Akiyama continued, “I started thinking last night, and it just…kind of clicked. You know, like I said, I never was really against this kind of…behavioral therapy,” Ms. Akiyama used what she believed was the politically correct term for it, “I just…didn’t understand. But…” Ms. Akiyama went on to explain her thought process, finishing with a timid, “does that make sense?” “It makes perfect sense, darling, and that’s exactly why we decided this was best for Megan.” “Do you ever…regret it?” “Goodness, no! Megan and I are closer than ever, and I know she’s happy and staying out of trouble.” “Is she though? Happy, that is.” Heather smiled, “come on,” she stood up from the table and headed back into the living room. Ms. Akiyama pushed her chair away from the table and followed Heather, finding her kneeling down next to the playpen, where Megan’s focus had shifted from the TV to her coloring book. “Honey?” Heather said gently, getting Megan’s attention. “Hi, Mommy,” the girl mumbled around her pacifier. “Sweetheart,” Heather reached out and gently pulled the pacifier from her daughter’s mouth, “how do you feel about being a little girl again for Mommy and Daddy?” Megan’s smile positively beamed, “I love it, Mommy.” “Do you ever,” Ms. Akiyama chimed in as she settled on the floor next to Heather, “miss being a big girl?” Megan scrunched up her face in thought, “well, I used to, but I really don’t anymore. Besides, Mommy says I’ll be a big girl again. When I’m ready.” She added the last bit as an afterthought. “Of course,” Heather added, “that’s still quite a few years away, huh little one?” Megan just giggled and nodded. But, Ms. Akiyama wanted to ask, are you really happy? But what did that question even mean; how could Megan possibly answer it? And why was Ms. Akiyama so bent on not taking Megan’s response at face value? Especially when every piece of evidence seemed to verify the truth of it. “Thank you, Megan,” Ms. Akiyama said as she pushed herself up off the floor, “I’ll let you get back to playing.” “Um, Ms. Akiyama?” Megan asked as the two mothers began moving back to the dining room. “Yes?” “Is Rei going to…are you…is Rei going to be a little girl again too?” “I don’t know, sweetheart, why do you ask?” Megan looked down at her hands, which fiddled with her pacifier. “I miss Rei. I didn’t want to stop being friends with her, but I thought she wouldn’t want to be friends with me after…you know…” Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but feel her heart breaking from the young girl. “Don’t worry, Megan,” she replied, “even if Rei doesn’t become a little girl again, I’ll see what I can do about you two being friends still, okay?” Megan smiled that beaming smile again and thanked Ms. Akiyama before popping her pacifier back in and returning to her coloring. “See?” Heather said as the two women sat back down in front of their coffees. “I wouldn’t have guessed she’d be this happy when we started, but…well, here we are.” Ms. Akiyama sighed, “I can’t deny that, I just worry Rei won’t…share those kinds of feelings.” “Listen,” Heather replied, leaning forward to convey her seriousness, “almost every mom I talk to says the same: before long, every girl accepts her place and is happier for it. I’m not going to tell you it will be easy; if you are really thinking about this…well, I mean, you tell me, are you really thinking about doing this?” Ms. Akiyama looked away from Heather, staring at the wall that hid Megan from sight. “I am,” she said after a long moment, surprising even herself. “I mean, maybe not taking it as far as you have with Megan, but…” “Well, that’s another thing,” Heather said, “early on, a little bit goes a long way, but if Rei is taking those kinds of classes at college and going behind your back, I think you need to think about how far you want to go, and then be prepared to go further, if necessary.” Ms. Akiyama considered this, “well, how far do you think would be far enough?” Heather shrugged, “it’s different for every girl and every family, you have to figure out what’s best for you. Look, darling, I’m happy to help you with this if you need it, and you certainly look like you need some help, but the best thing I can suggest is to get some professional help.” “Professional help?” “Yeah! We went to Brighter Days School and Behavioral Therapy for Girls; they were fantastic. Richard and I couldn’t have done this without them.” “Oh, no,” Ms. Akiyama quickly brushed aside the suggestion, “I don’t think Rei would respond well to being sent off to a school like that.” “That’s the thing, you don’t have to send her there.” “What do you mean?” “When Richard and I first decided to handle Megan with this kind of behavioral therapy, we went to them for a consultation. We told them what kind of girl Megan was and what our goals were for her, and they gave us just so many tools and resources we could use. Megan had no idea, and we couldn’t have gotten the results we did without them.” “Huh,” Ms. Akiyama took this in as she sipped at her coffee. That, she had to admit, sounded like exactly what she needed. “If you want,” Heather offered, “I have a referral code I can give you; should get you a discount on the initial consultation.” “I guess…it can’t hurt, right?” Chapter Eleven “Reports coming in early this morning that late last night Greenham Police Department made two arrests in conjunction with the October 4th bombing of the Greenham City Hall. The suspects, seen here, are twenty-year-old Melanie Wright and twenty-one-year-old Josie Stone. Both women are assumed to be members of the domestic terrorist group Rebel and are confirmed to both be students at Greenham Community College. Given national intelligence telling us that most splinter groups of The Vantez Collective form around colleges, speculation is rampant that our own Greenham Community College could be the recruiting ground for these homegrown terrorists.” Ms. Akiyama had been watching the news cycle surrounding these arrests all morning, feeling a sense of dread that built every time the news anchor mentioned the connection to Greenham Community College. And everyone knew that these kinds of gender studies classes that Ms. Akiyama had pulled Rei from spoon-fed them all sorts of radical nonsense. Exactly the kind of nonsense that led to your signing up to be a terrorist. Why did they even allow those classes to be taught anymore? Ms. Akiyama took a breath. That was neither here nor now. She’d made the right choice to pull Rei from that class; but maybe that wasn’t quite enough for a girl like Rei. Especially if they already had their hooks in Rei. But, of course, Ms. Akiyama was jumping to conclusions. Right? Rei was headstrong and at times stubborn, but she was a good kid, she knew better than to get herself wrapped up in this kind of business, right? Ms. Akiyama wanted to say that was so, but a knot of anxiety in her chest said otherwise. “Wait, what’s going on?” Rei’s voice from behind her shocked her from her internal monologue. “Oh, um, they arrested two girls for the bombing of City Hall.” “They did?” Rei’s hair was still a mess and her pajamas crumpled on her small frame. “Who? Did they say their names?” Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. “Why? Worried you know them?” “Well,” Rei shrugged, “there aren’t a lot of girls at my school, mom…” Ms. Akiyama frowned at that; Rei had a point. She picked up the TV remote and rewound until she saw the two girl’s pictures pop up on screen. “year-old Melanie Wright,” the voice on the TV narrated, “and twenty-one-year-old Josie Stone.” “So?” “Uh, yeah,” Rei replied, too shocked to even consider whether she should have lied. “I didn’t really know them, though. I had a class with Melanie and um…just saw Josie around.” The instinct to lie kicked before she could blurt out where she really knew Josie from. “What class?” “Um, you know, the…gender…class…” “Oh.” Ms. Akiyama felt that knot of anxiety in her chest tighten. Rei had known these girls. They could have tried to recruit her! These girls could have gotten Rei involved in this whole mess. They hadn’t, had they? She studied her daughter’s face as she stared at the news coverage of the arrests. It wasn’t possible Rei had been involved, was it? She’d come home late that night, Ms. Akiyama remembered that, but she had been with her professor. Her…gender studies…professor… But, no, that was ridiculous. Those professors might fill these girls’ heads with all sorts of nonsense, but certainly they’d never go so far as to encourage much less participate in these sorts of acts. No, Ms. Akiyama was jumping the gun there, surely. But Rei had known them. These were the kinds of girls Ms. Akiyama was letting Rei be around if she kept letting her go to college. If she didn’t do something to make Rei understand that Ms. Akiyama knew best. If she didn’t help Rei learn a new way to be happy in this world. For her part, Rei was glued to the TV, as oblivious to her mother’s stare as she was to her internal dialogue. Was she safe? Were they going to arrest her next? Were they going to arrest Riley next? The truth was, Rei had hardly been involved. She had been in a car with three other girls three blocks away in case something went wrong. She was on the B team. Surely they couldn’t have any evidence against her, right? But what if Melanie or Josie turned on the rest of them? Some kind of plea bargain? They had all promised not to name names or cooperate in any way in the event that this happened, but what would they stick to their word if it meant getting themselves out of trouble? Rei just had to trust that they wouldn’t.

The weather in Florida is finally warming back up..... WFH office casual is once again a diapee & T-shirt!

Hi All! I was talking with some people about this story in a discord server and I thought, ya know what, let's give 'em some more, so here's a big update for you! Chapter Six Ms. Akiyama, Thank you for reaching out to me with your concerns. First of all, I can, in fact, confirm that your daughter, Rei Akiyama, was with me this past Wednesday evening. I was running a workshop for a number of students to give them a chance to work on their midterm essays under supervision. As to your second question, I understand a lot of parents have concerns about the curriculum their children are learning in college these days. Please, allow me to reassure you on this matter. While we do deal with political issues and current events in my classroom, my goal is to provide students with a balanced perspective of the issues and help them formulate their own thoughts on matters. This is a tough and confusing time for everyone your daughter’s age, but especially for girls, and I like to think of my classroom as a place where they can work through their thoughts on these matters in a safe and educational environment. Of course, my first and utmost priority is to make sure your daughter receives a high-quality education, and I only include politics as much as I think is appropriate for this course. On a more personal note, I would like to add that your daughter is an exemplary student, and it has been my pleasure to teach her thus far this semester. I can tell that she is very passionate about her studies, and I very much look forward to continuing to work with her through the semester. You should be very proud of her. I hope that my answers have allayed some of your concerns; if you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. Sincerely, Professor Natalie Lewis, PhD She/Her/Hers Associate Professor Gender Studies Department Greenham Community College Chapter Seven Rei slipped through the front door of her house as quietly as she could and slipped off her shoes. She stopped for a moment and just listened, trying to see if she could tell where her mother was. Hearing nothing, she carefully peered into the living room, expecting to perhaps see her reading on the couch. Nothing. On tiptoes, Rei made her way to the kitchen and looked through to the dining room beyond. Nothing. The downstairs bathroom was empty too. The car had been in the driveway, though, so Rei knew her mother was home. Maybe she had gone to bed early? Feeling uneasy, Rei crept up the stairs. She didn’t even know for sure that she had anything to fear from her mother; maybe Professor Lewis had managed to quell her fears without revealing that Rei was taking exactly the kind of class her mother had told her not to. The kind that put ideas in your head, according to her mother. Relieved to see the second-floor hallway clear of her mother, Rei breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door to her room. A gasp caught in Rei’s throat as she registered she was unexpectedly not alone in her bedroom. Then her eyes caught up to her panicked brain and that panic faded and sunk into dread. Her mother was sitting on the edge of her bed; sitting on the bed beside her were some of Rei’s school books—specifically the kind that taught feminist theory. The two looked at each other in silence as the moment stretched on forever for Rei. “Mom…what…?” Rei finally managed to force out a few strangled words. “How was class today, Rei?” “Uhm, okay, how was your day?” She replied, trying to redirect. “Tell me again, what classes did you have today?” “Uh…” Rei chewed on her bottom lip nervously, knowing she was caught and unsure how best to minimize the damage. “Stop chewing your lip, Rei, and answer the question.” “I had class with Professor Lewis and Professor Slater today,” evasion, she had decided, was her best bet right now. “Uh huh, and what class, exactly, does Professor Lewis teach?” Damn, that didn’t work. “Rei! I’m tired of telling you, stop chewing your lip and answer the question.” “English.” Ms. Akiyama clicked her tongue and shook her head; she had hoped her daughter would come clean, but instead she had lied through her teeth right to her own mother’s face. Who was her daughter becoming? Whoever it was, Ms. Akiyama didn’t like it, and she wasn’t going to let her daughter go down a bad path. “So, you are reading,” Ms. Akiyama picked up one of the books on the bed next to her, “The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir for English?” Rei nodded; she was committed now, and the only way out was through. “I see,” Ms. Akiyama set the book down and picked up the next, “Gender Trouble by Judith Butler?” Rei nodded, her eyes wide, glossy discs. “And A Vindication of the Rights of Woman: with Strictures on Political and Moral Subjects by Mary Wollstonecraft?” Rei kept lying, but there was no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Ms. Akiyama sighed and set the books down. “Well, don’t you worry; you won’t be needing these books anymore. I called the school today and withdrew you from that English class.” “What? Mom! That’s not fair!” Rei was trying to keep her voice calm, but she couldn’t help but let it crank up a few decibels. Her heart was suddenly beating way too fast, and she felt vaguely beside herself with frustration and anger. “Life isn’t fair, Rei,” Ms. Akiyama spat back. “And you don’t just get to do whatever you want without consequences. When I agreed to let you continue going to college, you promised me wouldn’t be taking courses like that. You don’t need to be filling your head with the kind of dreck these classes teach! It is bad enough that you took that class after I had expressly forbidden you from taking any such classes, but then you sat there and lied to my face about it. You abused my trust, Rei; you have to learn there will be consequences to this kind of behavior.” “I wouldn’t have had to lie about the class if you would have just let me take it in the first place!” Rei shot back impotently. Tears were threatening to run down her face, and her hands were balled into fists at her side. “Excuse me, young lady? Are you saying it’s my fault you lied?” “No, that’s not what I meant!” As upset as she was, even Rei had the sense to know when to back pedal. “It’s just…” her mouth worked for words her brain wasn’t providing. “Just what? What do you have to say for yourself to justify this behavior?” “Just…ugh! Why can’t I just take the stupid class? You don’t even know what we learn in there!” “I have a good enough idea, young lady. And I’ve already told you, I don’t want that school filling your head with all sorts of ideas about what the world could or should be; the world is what it is, and you have to accept that! You have to live in reality, Rei; don’t you understand I just want what’s best for you?” “You don’t know what’s best for me!” Rei saw the look in her mother’s eyes and immediately knew she had said the wrong thing. It all happened so quickly that Rei’s brain had to race to keep up with her body. Ms. Akiyama’s hand shot out, catching Rei’s wrist in an iron grip, and tugging the small girl forward and across her mother’s lap. On Ms. Akiyama’s end, the motion was surprisingly instinctive despite it having been the better part of two decades since she had needed to perform it. “Mom!” Rei protested as she realized what was about to happen. “I’m sorry!” But her pleas fell on indifferent ears. Ms. Akiyama flipped her daughter’s skirt up, yanked down her cotton panties, reared back, and smacked her daughter hard enough to fill the room with a thunderous clap that nearly swallowed Rei’s pained yelp. Then she did it again. And again. And again. By the fifth hit, Rei had started kicking her feet, desperately trying to get away, but Ms. Akiyama held her firmly in place. By the fifteenth, Rei’s yelps had turned to cries, quickly approaching sobs. By the thirtieth, all the fight had gone out of the girl, and she lay limply across her mother’s lap, tears cascading freely down her face, praying it would end soon. By the fiftieth, Ms. Akiyama had to help her shuddering daughter get up off of her lap and stand on her own feet. “I am your mother, Rei, I will always know what is best for you,” Ms. Akiyama held her daughter by her shaking shoulders as she looked into her tear-filled eyes. “You, Rei, are a child and do not understand how the world works. You do not have the experience, knowledge, or maturity to make these kinds of decisions. I had thought that maybe, just maybe, you were ready for that responsibility, but this whole fiasco demonstrates very clearly that you do not. So, from now on until you grow up and can make important decisions yourself, I will be making them for you. I will make your decisions because I know what is best for you. And what is best for you is that you never go to that class again. Do you understand?” Rei nodded weakly. “Say the words, Rei. Do you understand?” “Yes, Mom, I understand.” “Now, I think you should thank me for allowing you to continue going to all your other classes, don’t you?” A fresh round of sobs racked Rei’s body, but she nodded, “t-thank you,” she managed to get out. “You’re welcome.” Ms. Akiyama let go of her daughter’s shoulders, and the girl crumpled to the ground. Without another word, she gathered up the now confiscated feminist texts and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind her. Rei lay on the floor for a long moment after that, but eventually crawled over to her discarded backpack. She grabbed her cell phone from the front pocket and opened her texting app. Chapter Eight Ms. Akiyama quietly closed the door behind her, cutting off the worst of Rei’s sobs. Clutching the confiscated books to her chest, she resisted the urge to run to her bedroom at the end of the hallway and instead forced herself to make her there in slow, measured steps. Stay calm, she told herself, just stay calm. But when the bedroom door closed behind her, Ms. Akiyama could no longer keep her composure. She slumped against the closed door and let out a little sympathetic sob; she couldn’t believe what she had done. She had just lost her cool. She hadn’t spanked Rei since she was a toddler, but now she had done it without even thinking about it. She just wanted what was best for Rei; she wanted her daughter to be happy and safe. Rei needed to understand that; her daughter needed to understand that she wasn’t as smart as she thinks she is, nor was Ms. Akiyama as clueless as her daughter believed her. Maybe…maybe it was for the best, maybe Rei needed a good spanking to get the lesson through her head, but…but Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but feel terrible for what she had done. Wiping her eyes, Ms. Akiyama sat down on her bed. She’d always thought of herself as a good mother, but now…now she wasn’t so sure. Things were so different than when she was a kid. The parenting she’d learned no longer seemed to apply; she felt like she was starting over as a new mother, as clueless and rudderless as she was when Rei was first born. But on the other hand, maybe she wasn’t giving Rei enough credit for how hard this must be for her. It was no wonder Rei was being so rebellious; the world had changed a lot since she was a kid, too, and she was having to relearn the ways of the world just when she was at an age when she was starting to figure things out. In as much as Ms. Akiyama was, in many ways, a new mother, Rei was…well, a child. Huh…wait…that was an interesting thought. Could it really…? Could she…? She wouldn’t know where to begin. And after all, when she thought of it like that, there was a certain sense to what some mothers were doing to their daughters. Ms. Akiyama had been stunned to find that some of Rei’s friends from high school had begun to go through this kind of treatment; she had been baffled to know that women Ms. Akiyama had worked with in the PTA were doing this to their daughters. She hadn’t gotten it then; she hadn’t understood why someone would do that to their young adult daughter, but, suddenly, she could see the sense in it. And then there was…well…Ms. Akiyama couldn’t help but think back to a few months ago when she had been shopping with Rei when the pair had run into one of Rei’s best friends from high school and her mother: Megan and Heather Eckridge. Ms. Akiyama had been shocked, to say the least, to see the former being pushed in a stroller sized for a young adult. Megan had been like Rei in high school: bright and ambitious. But for all appearances, Megan had looked happy. It had been the first, but certainly not the last, time Ms. Akiyama had seen someone so close to her and Rei regressed so far, and Ms. Akiyama still remembered the sort of surreal feeling she had. She was cognizant of how horrified she might have been to see a girl she had known to be as driven and mature as Rei sucking on a pacifier with what was obviously a very soaked diaper pressing against the snaps of her onesies, but Megan had seemed so…happy. And that happiness had diffused the horror of the situation, leaving only an uncanny echo. And all Ms. Akiyama really wanted for Rei was to be happy. But Rei would never go for it. No, Ms. Akiyama knew what was best; if she thought this was what was best for her daughter, her daughter would do it. She wouldn’t have a choice in the matter. Rei might hate it at first, that was true, but Ms. Akiyama was sure she would come to find happiness in it. More happiness than she was bound to find if she kept filling her head with all sorts of dreck and detritus. And it wasn’t even like Ms. Akiyama was thinking of going as all in as Heather Eckridge had; she was only considering going deep enough to put Rei back in her place and keep her in line, make sure she grew up to have a nice, happy life despite the new twists and turns the world had thrown at her. But…was this best? Rei was mostly a good kid; she was just too curious for her own good. Maybe she could handle this in a more conventional way. Rei would see reason if Ms. Akiyama talked to her. But, then again, Rei hadn’t seen sense yet, despite Ms. Akiyama trying to talk to her. In fact, she usually got pouty and sullen when Ms. Akiyama tried to talk to her about these things. In fact, Rei acted like a child who didn’t get her way; maybe, if Rei was going to behave like a child… There was a time Ms. Akiyama would have found this suggestion ridiculous, laughably so. Indeed, that had been her initial reaction a few years ago when this thing first started becoming popular enough to gain national attention. And yet, perhaps for the first time, she saw the sense in it. But one thing was for certain: Rei would fight tooth and nail every inch of the way. Luckily, one thing was the same today as it was when Rei was a child: Ms. Akiyama was not too proud to admit she didn’t know what she was doing and seek help. When she was pregnant with Rei, she had devoured parenting books and blogs and guides of any format. And certainly, they had been helpful, but, once Rei was born, Ms. Akiyama quickly found that the best source of wisdom was the other women down in the trenches of motherhood with her. So, Ms. Akiyama did the one thing she could think of: she picked up her phone, opened her contacts, and navigated to Heather Eckridge. Chapter Nine (Author's Note: My apologies if there are any formatting issues in this chapter. This chapter contains a text message conversation between two characters; in the original Word document, I took the time to put the messages in colored boxes like in a messaging app, but, unsurprisingly, this didn't translate. I think everything should be fine, but just in case, my apologies!) Rei’s thumb hesitated over the send button. She barely knew the girl; should she really be texting her about…this? Somehow, though, she was the only person Rei wanted to talk to about it. Somehow, Rei knew she’d understand how awful Rei felt right now. Somehow, she would know what to do. Rei took a deep breath and hit send. “Hey, riley, it’s rei” Rei immediately regretted hitting send. She stared at the screen of her phone, desperately wishing there was an unsend button. She even long-pressed the text box to make sure there wasn’t. After a few more long moments spent looking at that unchanging screen, Rei put her phone to sleep and set it on the floor next to her. It was stupid, Riley was probably busy, and, besides, it was dumb to even bring this up with her. But, who else could Rei talk to? Megan Eckridge had been Rei’s best friend throughout both middle and high school; the two had been inseparable for six years and had planned to go to the same university. But the last time Rei had seen Megan had been a few months ago when she ran into Megan and her mother in Target; the latter had been pushing the former in a stroller. The look on Megan’s face had been embarrassed and slightly apologetic, but she had simply sucked her pacifier and let her mother do the catching up. Rei had met Brian Redburn during their freshman year of high school; they were lab partners in biology and entered the science fair together, taking home third place. The two had stayed close after that, even though Rei always suspected Brian was aiming for more than friendship. In senior year, Brian started to be very vocal about his support for groups like Mothers for America that lobbied for the kind of social policy change that would eventually lead to the passage of The Hayes Act. That had been the end of their friendship. Sally Walker had been her partner in the debate team; they’d always had a bit of a frenemy vibe going. No, that wasn’t quite right, they were never enemies, but frequent rivals, challenging the other to get better grades and perform better in their debates. They were fast friends when it mattered though. Sally’s mother had emancipated her when The Hayes Act was passed, and Sally went off to the kind of fancy university Rei herself would have gone to if not for…well, everything. They had lost touch. Maybe Rei could have reached out and tried to rekindle that friendship, but…no, Sally could never even begin to understand what Rei was feeling. But, for that matter, could Riley? Riley had been emancipated too, but…there was something about her. She wasn’t fighting this fight for herself, but she was still down in the trenches fighting for girls like Megan. Girls like, it seemed, Rei. Rei dived on her phone like a live grenade as it vibrated. “Hey girl good to hear from you, hows it going?” Rei let out a sigh of relief; part of her had been worried that Riley had only given Rei her number to be nice and didn’t expect Rei to use it. Rei’s fingers danced across her screen. “Tbh it has been a weird night. I was…kinda hoping i could talk to you about it, if that’s okay” Rei was relieved to see the three bouncing dots that told her Riley was typing back appear almost immediately. “Yeah of course, sounds serious, everything okay?” Rei’s fingers remained motionless as she thought through how to respond to that question. Everything was definitely not okay, but…how to explain what had happened? Rei started typing, her fingers flying, as she narrated the events of the evening, starting with coming home. Wait, no, hold on. Rei held down the delete button until what she had just written disappeared. She had to explain the lead up to today, or else Riley wouldn’t really get how things had led up to this point. Rei started typing again, then started deleting before she had finished a sentence. Okay, she thought to herself, just keep it simple. She typed out for words, let her thumb linger over send for a long moment, then let it drop. “My mom spanked me” “Shit. You okay? What happened? And so, for the second time, Rei launched into her retelling of the events of the day. Riley remained silent on her end until Rei finally reached the end of her story. Rei pressed send on her final message and set her phone down to wait for Riley’s response. The burning, stinging sensation on her ass was finally beginning to fade, but the deep muscle ache was still very present. Rei couldn’t help but wonder if her butt would bruise. Riley did not keep Rei waiting for long. “Shit. That’s so fucked up, im so sorry rei. What can I do to help? Do you need me to come get you? You can stay at my place for the night if you need to. We will figure out how to get your re-enrolled in that class, okay? So don’t worry about that.” “No, no, that’s okay…I just needed someone to talk to about it, and tbh I didn’t know who else I could talk to about this. Anyway, there’s no way my mom would let me leave the house tonight and I don’t want to think about what she might do if she caught me sneaking out tonight. As for the class..idk, maybe it’s better I just obey my mom on this one.” “Okay, if youre really sure…” “I’m sure. I just…really needed to tell someone about this that I knew would be on my side, if that makes sense” “Yeah, it does. And rei? Never doubt that I’m on your side.” “Thanks riley. Thanks a lot” Rei smiled weakly and put her phone down. Riley hadn’t been able to make anything tangibly better, but Rei hadn’t expected her to either. Just sharing what had happened and having Riley affirm that it was, indeed, fucked up was enough. That was all Rei had really needed. Well, that was all Rei needed that she was going to get right then. The two continued texting throughout the night, but conversation quickly turned on to other matters. When Rei finally went to bed that night, she fell asleep with her face bathed in the light of her phone screen as her eyes danced amongst those three bouncing dots. When five minutes passed without a response from Rei, Riley started to think the girl had fallen asleep. She had, after all, said she was lying down in bed; it was the obvious assumption for Rei’s sudden silence. When another ten passed and Riley’s phone remained silent, she was quite sure of it. Riley got out of her own bed and, leaving her phone behind, wandered downstairs to find a snack. As she made her way down the stairs, she could hear the murmur of the TV coming from the living room and see the flickering light illuminating the hallway. Riley’s socked feet moved silently over the hardwood floor as she crossed the hallway and entered the living room, where she found her mother sitting in an otherwise dark room with a bowl of popcorn watching what appeared to be some old sitcom. She looked up at her daughter as Riley came into the room and paused the TV. “Hey,” Anne, Riley’s mother, said, “you’re still up. I thought you went to bed a while ago.” “Nah,” Riley said, plopping down on the couch next to her mother, “I’ve just been in my room, texting a friend.” Her mother extended the popcorn bowl towards Riley, who grabbed a handful. “Everything okay?” She couldn’t quite place it, but her daughter had an odd tone in her voice. “Yeah,” Riley crunched down on a piece of popcorn and chewed thoughtfully. “Yeah,” she repeated once she had swallowed, “my friend is just going through some things.” “Sorry to hear that,” Anne replied. “Is this a friend of yours I know?” Riley shook her head, “nah, I just met her recently. She goes to school with me.” When it became clear that Riley wasn’t going to continue, Anne picked the TV remote back up and pressed play, and the two sat in silence watching the TV and munching on popcorn for a long moment. As they watched the show in silence, Riley’s mind drifted back to the whole reason Rei had texted her. Truthfully, Riley had been excited to see Rei’s text; their meeting had been brief, but she felt a connection with the other girl. If she was being honest, she had been slightly sad that Rei was coming to her because she had a problem. It was silly, but she wanted Rei to…well…genuinely want to talk to her. Would Rei had ever texted Riley if this hadn’t happened? Riley knew, however, that this thought was unfair and ungenerous to her new friend. Furthermore, it downplayed the significance of the fact that Rei had trusted Riley enough to come to her with this. Riley was sure the other girl had plenty of other friends she could have gone to. All of this was, of course, overshadowed by Riley’s concern over the implications of Rei’s mother’s actions. Riley knew she was lucky to have a mother like hers; one that respected not only Riley’s adulthood but her personhood as well. The sad truth was, what had started as something practiced by only the most conservative families had become rather mainstream, and most girls had parents who had supported The Hayes Act to some degree or another. There was a reason The Hayes Act had soared through both houses of congress with the most bipartisan support of any bill in recent memory. Of course, not every family went so far as to completely regress their adult daughters to giant infants. This extreme of the spectrum was still, technically, in the minority but large enough that it was considered perfectly normal. Large enough that adult sized baby products and clothes had become big business. Large enough that that they still outnumbered the families on the other extreme of the spectrum who had emancipated their daughters. The majority of families fell in sort of a middle ground that included varying degrees of regression: some families stopped short of fully regressing their adult daughters to babyhood, instead merely regressing them to toddlerhood; some treated them more like elementary age girls; some merely extended their teen years; and, of course, there were those who combined elements from ages to their liking. The fact was that it was estimated that 82.7% of girls ages 18 to 28 wore pull ups or diapers. The fact was that only 8.5% of girls age 18 to 28 were emancipated. The fact was the companies like Kimberly-Clarke and Proctor & Gamble, companies that produced brands like Pampers, Luvs, and Huggies, were raking in record profits. The fact was that their profits had been having exponential growth over the last five years as this movement started gaining traction. The fact was that those rising profits had been reinvested in propaganda and lobbyists. And that’s not even to mention the role of the pharmaceutical companies and private education institutes. The fact was that Riley was well aware of all of these facts; they were ingrained in her memory, and just thinking about them was enough to make her furious. She forced herself to unclench her jaw, then took a deep breath. She willed herself to calm down. It kind of worked. Rei had told her today that her mother was a bit on the fence, but this was a sign that she was picking a side. This was a pretty drastic and pretty sudden declaration. How far would Rei’s mom take it? Were diapers in Rei’s future? Pre-school? Elementary? Maybe Rei would get lucky and her mom would just send her to an extended high school program. Riley hoped that’s all it would be, for the sake of her new friend. But either way, in in the best case for Rei, Riley would lose her. Even if Rei went the way of Jennifer Duffy, being regressed to infancy in some ways while still allowed to attend college, it was only a matter of time before the two couldn’t be friends anymore. Rei was far from the first friend Riley would lose to this trend, and once their parents started dragging them down, it was only a matter of time before they stopped being friends. Sometimes, it was because their mother forbade them from hanging out with Riley, citing her as a bad influence. Sometimes, it was because the other girl couldn’t handle being friends with Riley, either out of embarrassment or jealousy or some other complication. And sometimes, it was because the other girl started drinking the kool-aid and decided Riley was a bad influence on their own. That was how it had been with Jennifer Duffy. Riley didn’t want to lose another friend, especially not one she had just made. “You know,” Anne spoke up suddenly, startling Riley out of her thoughts, “I loved this show when I was a kid. I saw it was on streaming now and decided to rewatch it.” “And?” Riley prompted. “How is it holding up?” Anne chuckled, “not well. I remember it being a lot funnier; but maybe I was just easier to amuse back then. Either way, the show didn’t age well.” Riley snorted a short laugh. “Yeah, well, some things are better left in the past.” Anne looked at her daughter thoughtfully, wondering what was going on in her head. Something seemed to be weighing on her. Of course, it didn’t take a genius to see that Riley wasn’t thinking about TV shows when she had said that. Anne frowned, uncertain what to do for her daughter. Riley was smart and mature and passionate; Anne was proud of all that. She had given her daughter every opportunity she could give her to be independent and seek out her goals, but Anne could only do so much, and the world was against both of them. It couldn’t help that Riley was one of only a select few amongst her peers whose mother gave them such freedom. “Your friend,” Anne said after a long silence, “is she…are her parents…” Anne gestured vaguely, uncertain how to put this euphemistically. “No,” Riley responded, getting the gist of what her mother was trying to say, “at least, not yet. I don’t know. I hope not.” Anne frowned deeper. She knew how many friends Riley had watched have their adulthoods stripped from them. She knew how furious the whole thing made Riley. “You know you can’t interfere, right?” Riley reached over and grabbed a small handful of popcorn. She shoved it in her mouth and chewed silently, staring at the TV. “Right?” Anne said again, louder this time. Riley swallowed pointedly and gave her mother a withering look, “it’s rude to talk with your mouthful.” Anne sighed, “but seriously, okay? Right?” Riley flopped back on the couch, “right, whatever.” “I know it’s hard, Riley. I’m really sorry.” “It’s fucking dumb is what it is.” “That doesn’t make it any less real.” “I know, mom.” “I just worry you are going to get yourself in trouble. Even I can’t protect you if you get in trouble.” “I’m not gonna get in trouble.” “Uh huh, sure, you’re not, little miss Rebel.” Riley rolled her eyes but said nothing. She hadn’t wanted her mother to know she was member of Rebel, much less figure out that she was its founder and leader; she would very much have preferred if that had stayed a secret. But Riley’s mother wasn’t stupid. “I’m serious, Riley,” her mother continued a moment later, her tone dropping to reflect the gravity she intended for her words, “you know I’m proud of what you are doing, but I want you to scale it down, okay? That was dangerous and risky.” Riley just sighed. Her mother hadn’t said anything about the bombing yet, but of course Riley knew her mother knew Riley was behind it. Of course, Riley knew she wasn’t going to stay silent about it forever (how could one stay silent if they knew their child had masterminded an explosive act of domestic terrorism, after all, and Riley was, quite frankly, shocked it had taken her this long), but Riley really wasn’t in the mood to talk about it tonight. “Hey, you listening to me?” Anne pressed. “This is the only way we are going to effect change, mom,” Riley replied calmly. “You are not fighting this fight alone, Riley; let the larger groups with more resources do stuff like that. Stick to vandalism and anti-propaganda, okay? That’s what you are good at anyway.” “We had to do something big, mom!” “No, you didn’t. I told you, if I thought this was getting out of hand, I would revoke your emancipation. It would kill me to do it, but I’d rather you hate me than see you in prison…or worse.” “It’s not getting out of hand.” “You could have killed someone, Riley!” Her mother was trying to keep her voice level, but that one tested her. “We made sure we wouldn’t. We did our research, made sure no one was in the building.” “What if someone had stayed late?” “Well, no one did!” “But, what if?” Anne huffed angrily. Fighting was going to get nowhere. And the truth was, it really wasn’t like Anne disapproved of what her daughter had done, she just didn’t want to see her daughter get in trouble. “Look, I don’t want to fight, okay? But you know what could happen if they catch you, right?” “Yeah, mom, I do.” Best case scenario? Prison. Worst case scenario? Fostered with a family that would send her to some place like Brighter Days Academy where they’d force the kool-aid down her throat. “Are you really willing to risk that?” Kill me if I ever become like that. Those were the words Riley had spoken to Rei just that day. Riley wanted to say yes, that this fight was important enough to her that she’d risk the ego death of complete regression, and maybe there was some part of her that truly was dedicated enough to the ideal to risk it. But the truth was, the bombing hadn’t even been her idea, and she had been against it at first—not out of principle, but out of fear. But it was safer that her mother think it had been Riley’s idea—safer that Anne not know who truly led Rebel. Finally, Riley sighed and gave her mom a half smile, “can we go back to doing robberies?” She was making a joke only she would get; she had been against that too. Anne sighed in exasperation, “You know I didn’t like it when you did that either, but I’d prefer that to this. But I’d really prefer you stick with vandalism and anti-Hayes propaganda.” “Yeah, okay,” Riley agreed, genuinely hoping she could keep her end of that agreement but also genuinely worried she might not be allowed to.

Not by accident! XD When I was talking to some friends about my initial ideas for the story, I pitched it as "the handmaid's tale but ABDL" No firm release schedule! I'm going to try to post at least two to four chapters a week, but especially with the new semester starting soon, I can't guarantee anything! To be honest, I usually write in first person, so this whole narrative, and especially the prologue, is kind of experimental for me. BUT! Fascination and confusion was what I was going for in the prologue, so it sounds like I nailed it! XD Thanks everyone who commented, I really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and I really hope you continue to share them! And now, I give you the next three chapters of You Know What They Do to Girls Like Us in Brighter Days? Chapter Three The Greenham Post Friday, October 6th Radical Leftist Terrorist Group Rebel Responsible for Attack on Greenham City Hall Late Thursday evening, during a joint press conference held by the Greenham Police Department and Homeland Security, Police Chief Geoff Holden announced that Rebel, a radical leftist feminist terrorist organization, has taken responsibility for the bombing of the Greenham City Hall on Wednesday, October 6th. Though many already speculated the involvement of this terrorist group, this officially confirms those theories. Law enforcement did not share any statement made by the group, if there was one, but did confirm that the attack was politically motivated by recent social policy legislation regarding the rights of women under twenty-eight. This is not the first such attack committed by Rebel. Early this past August, they claimed responsibility for a series of robberies against pharmacies in and around the nation’s capital, during which they focused on stealing products such as muscle relaxants, benzodiazepines, others sedatives, and newly FDA approved therapy drug diuranuretine. They have also left their signature at the site of countless acts of vandalism, theft, and property damage. Clearly, however, this newest attack marks a stark escalation of their tactics. Rebel is believed to be one of the newest splinter groups of The Vantez Collective, a seemingly national organization whose stated purpose is “radical Marxist action through feminist solidarity.” These splinter groups, which are widely believed to be originating out of institutes of higher education and likely led by students who have been radicalized by leftist propaganda in the classroom, have been appearing around the country at an increasing rate over the past 18 months. At this time, it is believed that there are likely over two dozen chapters of The Vantez Collection who, collectively, have been connected to 67 acts of terrorism across the country over the past year. However, despite its rising membership, there have only been four arrests of known members for crimes in conjunction with the group’s terrorist acts. An inside source suggests that this trend is unlikely to change, despite Police Chief Geoff Holden’s insistence at the press conference that they were “aggressively following several leads [he] believes will lead to multiple arrests and convictions.” Our anonymous insider tells a different story, however, claiming that, at this time, all leads have gone cold. … CON’T PG 18. Chapter Four The two walked on eggshells around each other for the rest of the day. They were snowed in, and the house wasn’t particularly large; try as they might, they couldn’t quite escape each other. Their snow day extended into Friday, and with new snowfall early Saturday morning, the roads remained impassable until late on Sunday. Tensions mounted, but thankfully never broke. By Monday, Rei couldn’t wait to leave for school. Rei had school every day, Monday from Friday. Unlike many college students who tried to cram their classes into the same days to reduce the number of days they had classes, Rei liked to spread hers out. Her mom allowed her to take four classes. So, she had one class that met on Mondays and Wednesdays in the mornings and a second that afternoon, and her third and fourth mirrored that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but her second class also had a lab period that met on Friday. This way, Rei could arrive on campus early in the morning, and spend the whole day there and away from her house. To add to Rei’s excitement to get to school that morning, her Monday morning class was her favorite: Introduction to Gender Politics and Feminist Theory with Professor Natalie Lewis. So, Rei was slightly surprised that Monday morning to find that her mind kept wondering. Try as hard as she could, she couldn’t pay attention to a word Professor Lewis was saying. Her mom wanted her to trade college for an extended high school program, where she’d learn to be a housewife and stay at home mom. Rei’s soul retched at the thought. Rei’s mother had never exactly been progressive, but Rei still couldn’t believe she seemed to be buying into this Hayes Act bullshit. But Rei knew she was lucky. Rei knew things could be so much worse. Last year, before The Hayes Act, Rei had gotten used to her classes being pretty evenly split in regard to gender, but now Rei sat in the back right corner in a group of the only six girls amongst nearly twenty boys. In front of her was Jennifer Duffy; from behind, Rei could easily see the crinkled waistband of her diaper sticking out above her skirt. To Jennifer’s left was Melanie Wright; Rei could see a spare pull-up sticking out of her purse. Behind Melanie, directly to Rei’s left, was Becca Thompson, who crinkled every time she shifted in her seat—of course, she had already been in pull-ups when Rei took a class with her last year, so that was hardly surprising. Rei knew things could be so much worse. “Rei?” Hearing her voice shook her out of her thoughts and she suddenly realized everyone around her was getting up. She must have missed Professor Lewis dismissing the class. “Rei?” The voice repeated, “May I see you?” It was Professor Lewis. Rei nodded in response and slowly began to collect her things, waiting for everyone to filter out. When the last person left, Professor Lewis closed the door behind them and walked over to Rei, saying nothing until she was sitting in the desk Melanie Wright had only recently vacated. “Everything okay at home?” She said at last. Rei nodded, “I mean, I guess, why?” “I checked my email this morning to find an email from your mom asking me to confirm you were with me Wednesday night.” “She doesn’t suspect anything,” Rei responded after a beat. “You sure?” “Yeah, she’s just…worried college is putting crazy ideas in my head,” Rei snickered. “Wouldn’t that be terrible,” Professor Lewis replied wryly. “Well, I’ll confirm the story, of course.” “Anything else?” Rei asked, sensing that there was, well, something else. Professor Lewis sighed, “she asked me how much I teach about politics in my class.” “Fuck.” “I take it you don’t tell your mom much about this class?” Rei grimaced, “She thinks it’s an English class.” “Ouch,” Professor Lewis flinched. “What did you tell her?” “I haven’t replied yet, but…legally, you’re a child, I can’t keep my lesson plans away from your mother if she asks for them.” “I know.” “I’ll try to downplay it and hope she doesn’t press it, okay? I just wanted you to have the heads up.” “Thanks, Professor.” “Yeah,” she sighed and frowned. “How bad is this going to be for you?” “I don’t know,” Rei replied. She genuinely didn’t know. She had been a little surprised by how complacent her mother had been about The Hayes Act. She knew her mother didn’t think going to college was a good choice, but she never would have imagined that her mother would try to push her into an extended high school program. But, then again, she never imagined there would be extended high school programs until there were. The room was filled with silence for a few moments before it was finally broken by a middle-aged man barging through the door. “Oh!” He exclaimed as he saw the pair, “Natalie, I’m sorry, are you still using the room? I have class in here shortly.” “Oh, yes, sorry, Professor Winston, we were just wrapping up, please go ahead.” The two professors exchanged a few more pleasantries as Professor Lewis packed away her class materials into her purse and passed off the desk to Professor Winston. Rei waited for her and walked with her out the door when she did. “I’ll do the best I can,” Professor Lewis said once they were in the hall, “but…” “I understand,” Rei replied. “Have a good day, Professor Lewis, and thank you for the heads up.” Chapter Five It was early afternoon, and the campus cafeteria was a bustle of activity. But Rei was oblivious to it all, sitting alone in one of the booths with her forehead against the floor to ceiling windows that took up the whole wall on one side of the cafeteria. She stared out at what was usually an outdoor seating area for students to enjoy their lunch in the open air but was now just a lumpy expanse of brilliant white. She anticipated a text from her mother at any moment, perhaps demanding that Rei come home at once for immediate transferal to an extended high school program, perhaps worse. But it hadn’t come yet. “Hey.” School, and specifically college, was the only thing that made Rei feel like an adult anymore, and it was a feeling she was clinging to desperately. She knew a few years ago when the first state enacted their own version of The Hayes Act that things were getting bad, but she never imagined she’d see that kind of legislation passed on a federal level. She never imagined she’d have her adulthood and maybe her entire future ripped away from her so officiously. “Uhm, hello?” When Rei was a kid, people still told young girls they could be anything they wanted when they grew up. Now, Rei’s options were dwindling even as she sat there. “Hey, excuse me?” Rei practically jumped out of her skin at the voice that suddenly cut through her thoughts and jarred her back to reality. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, but you seemed kind of lost in thought there.” Rei looked up at the girl talking to her. She wore black Doc Martens, black skinny jeans, and a ribbed black tank top under a too large flannel shirt. Sharp black eyeliner and matching lipstick made a strong contrast to her pale skin. Blue hair spilled out in curls from under a black beanie. The girl had a book tucked under one arm and was holding a lunch tray in her opposite hand. “Mind if I…?” The girl gestured to the bench across the booth from Rei. “Uhm, yeah, sure, sorry,” Rei stumbled over her words as she tried to clear the wreckage of her crashed train of thought. “You’re Rei, right?” The girl said as she sat down. “Yeah, um, how…?” Wait, suddenly the girl’s face clicked in Rei’s memory. She remembered seeing her in all the meetings leading up to Wednesday night. No, that wasn’t right, she had been leading those meetings. The girl smiled knowingly and nodded her head, recognizing the look of revelation on Rei’s face. “Yeah, mutual friends, you know?” Rei nodded; she did know. “Sorry if I scared you,” the girl repeated as she settled into her seat. “I just saw you over here by yourself and…well, there aren’t exactly a lot of empty seats,” she gestured towards the crowded cafeteria around them. “Hope you don’t mind.” “No,” Rei smiled weakly and shook her head. She was digging desperately through her memory to find this girl’s name, “I don’t mind at all.” “Everything okay?” The girl popped a french fry into her mouth. “You seemed pretty deep in thought when I came up.” “Yeah, I’m okay, just…a lot on my mind, you know?” It seemed rude to have to ask her name when she clearly knew Rei’s. “Yeah? You doing okay after…last week?” Rei noticed the girl’s fingernails were painted black as well as she watched the girl fumble to open a packet of BBQ sauce. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t know, it’s okay I guess.” The girl squirted out a puddle of BBQ sauce, dipped another fry in it, and crunched down on it. “Sounds less than ideal, if you ask me. Wanna talk about it?” Rei fidgeted in her seat. She knew she could trust this girl—she knew she could trust any girl that had been involved with Wednesday night—but it felt weird to unburden herself on someone who was still, for all intents and purposes, a stranger. She didn’t even know her name, for god’s sake. So, instead, she just shook her head and said nothing. “Are you a freshman?” The girl asked after a few moments of awkward silence. “Sophomore,” Rei corrected, “you?” The blue-haired girl shrugged, “I don’t know anymore, I just keep taking classes, but this is my fourth year here.” “You don’t want to transfer to a four-year university?” The girl chuckled, “yeah, I mean, that would be ideal, but in this economy?” Both girls laughed at that, but there was an undercurrent of nervousness in both of their laughs. “Seriously though, I feel like I can do more good staying here, you know? Helping freshmen and sophomores…get involved, you know?” “Have you been…involved for long?” “Founding member,” her black lips stretched out in a proud smile. “Of course, we didn’t know how far things would go when we started, but…well, a lot has changed since I was a freshmen.” “No kidding.” Neither girl knew quite where to take the conversation from there, so an awkward silence slowly began to form. Rei turned her attention to the crowd filling the cafeteria. Just like her classroom demographic, what was pretty evenly split last year was now dominated by boys. Perhaps more importantly, there was very little inter-mingling. The boys in this school were all over eighteen, legal adults, whereas most of the girls were under twenty-eight, legal children. They occupied different worlds. As Rei watched, Jennifer Duffy walked by the table Rei was sharing with the blue-haired girl. Rei wouldn’t exactly call Jennifer a friend, but they had done a group project together, so they weren’t exactly strangers either. Jennifer smiled behind her pacifier when she saw Rei and gave her a small wave before crinkling past them, her diaper sagging below the hemline of her pleated skirt. “Ugh,” the blue-haired girl said when Jennifer was out of ear shot, “kill me if I ever become like that, okay?” “I don’t know,” Rei shrugged, “she seems happy. Isn’t that what feminism is supposed to be about? Giving people the freedom to pursue the life that makes them happy?” “Yeah, of course, but do you think she would have chosen that if she hadn’t been coerced by her parents and the media and all the other brainwashing, metaphorical and literal, out there? She’s happy because she doesn’t know better; she’s assimilated into the hegemonic order.” Rei chewed on that for a moment. “Mom always tells me she just wants me to be happy,” Rei said, surprising herself with her sudden openness, “but she doesn’t seem to like…I don’t know, she says she wants me to happy, and I say school makes me happy, and she says, like, ‘no, not that way,’ ya know?” The girl nodded sympathetically throughout Rei’s mini tirade. “Like she wants you to be happy but thinks she knows what will make you happy better than you do?” “Yes, exactly!” “I’ve talked to a lot of girls in that situation,” the girl said, dragging a fry through her BBQ puddle absently. “I think their mothers genuinely mean well most of the time. I think a lot of them are just afraid for us and, frankly, afraid to stand up for us. So, we have to stand up for ourselves and each other, and that’s what we are doing.” Rei nodded, there was some sense to that. There was a lot of sense to that. “What about your parents?” Rei asked. “Well, my father is a misogynistic piece of shit,” she replied with no small amount of disdain in her voice. “My mother left him a few years ago when all this started to happen and he made it clear he thought this whole movement was the best for everyone. If he had his way, I’d probably be sitting in one of those pre-schools for young adult girls right now, but, thankfully, Mom ditched his ass.” “So, your mom doesn’t buy into any of this?” “Nu uh,” the girl shook her head, “she’s pretty progressive; signed the emancipation paperwork and everything.” “Oh, you’re emancipated?” Rei felt a pang of jealousy. Emancipation didn’t protect girls their age entirely from the new laws; it could be revoked by the state for various infractions and by your parents at any time for any reason. But it meant not needing parental permission to attend college; it meant getting some of your adult privileges back. “Yeah, thankfully.” The girl wiped her fingers on a paper napkin and laid it gently over the remains of her lunch. “What about your parents? You said your mom isn’t happy about you being in college, but you’re here, so they can’t be that bad, right?” “For now,” Rei responded sourly. “What do you mean?” “I mean I barely got my mom to agree to let me keep attending college after they passed The Hayes Act. Now, she wants me to think about going to one of those extended high school programs.” The girl scoffed, “housewife classes.” “Yes, exactly!” “What about your dad?” “Oh, he, uh, passed away.” “Oh,” the girl seemed taken aback, “I’m sorry to hear that.” “It’s okay; it happened when I was a kid. Cancer.” “That sucks; I’m sorry.” “Thanks, but it really is okay. I don’t know what he would have thought of all this, to be honest; maybe I’m lucky he’s not around.” It was not the first time Rei had considered what her father’s stance would have been on the events that had transpired since his death, but she was ten years old when he passed, she didn’t exactly know his political views. “Well,” the girl replied after a beat, “at least your mom sounds pretty reasonable. I mean, housewife classes would suck for sure, but it could be worse.” Rei thought back to Jennifer Duffy. “Yeah, I don’t think my mom would ever go that far, thankfully.” “Well, look,” the girl said as she picked up her phone and checked the time, “I’ve gotta run to my next class, but it was really fun talking to you, Rei.” “Yeah, you too, thanks for the company,” and Rei meant it. Her discussion with this girl hadn’t fixed anything, but it had distracted her from her impending doom and inexplicably made her feel better. “We should do this again,” the girl said as she gathered up her stuff, “or…maybe you might want to text me?” It was the first time the girl had sounded anything less than 100% confident. “Yeah? I, uh, think I’d like that,” Rei replied. “Awesome,” the girl smiled and pulled out a binder and a purple pen from her bag, scribbled something on the corner of a piece of paper, tore it off, and passed it across the table to Rei. “Don’t be shy, okay?” And then she was rushing off. Rei smiled as she watched the girl go, then looked down at this piece of paper. The girl’s ten-digit phone number was written out in impeccable handwriting. Underneath that was one word written in flowing cursive script: Riley.

It's not easy, and it's not like everyone out there would be into it. You have to go to places and connect with groups where those people would be found. It means checking kinky organizations and clubs. Make sure you are doing it safely. And you might have to adjust your expectations to reality. Few people can afford to take care of you 24/7 and not go to work and are comfortably rich. I never really found a perfect match in that area, but I love the partner that I have right now.

Sometimes before a diaper change by my wife she will give me a spanking. It is not a hard spanking but enough ot feel it.

Adult speech. Walking. Making a mess, and not cleaning it up. Getting home late. (Stopping for a drink, instead coming straight home from work like mommy said)

Anything and everything can be a reason, but that doesn't mean you should for anything and everything. I think that's something you have to discuss with your little in advance. Some common reasons are talking back breaking character not finishing chores before playing leaving the corner early(in the case of using the corner as punishment for some other offense)

Chapter 41 Part 2 Dinner was pasta and squash soup. Jamie liked the salty, roasted seeds sprinkled over the velvet broth. “So did you have fun with Ella,” Becky asked. “Yeah, we just took a nap together and talked.” “In the same crib?” “Yes ... is that not okay?” “No, that’s just cute is all.” “What’s their house like?” “It’s on a big lot. Ella has a pretty cool room. She has a dog.” “Uh oh. Were you okay with that?” “Yeah, she showed how nice she is. She’s Ella’s therapy dog. Yogi.” “We can get a dog if you want.” Amanda’s fork flattered to her plate. “Seriously, Mom? I’ve wanted a dog since I was five years old. He gets to have one? He doesn’t even like them.” “Well, maybe I’m just mellowing with age, Amanda.” “Sorry,” Jamie said. He didn’t want one. “Don’t be sorry, buddy,” Amanda said. It wasn’t his fault she was still dog-less, or that he could make their mom do something she didn’t want to do much more easily than she could. “I do like,” Jamie had to remember the word from their trip to the zoo, “bruins, though. I never had one growing up.” “You mean the tiny things you played with at the zoo?” “They’re not so tiny to me.” “Well, maybe,” Becky said. “What did you think of the milk Jane left here?” Becky wasn’t very subtle sometimes. “Uh, I liked it.” “We can switch to that instead of formula.” Jamie was unsure. He was wary of what Ella had told him. “What does it do to littles?” “Well, you’ll just like it a lot.” “Is that all?” “It will probably make your diapers a little messier to clean up, but Amanda and I discussed that, and we don’t mind.” Just when life couldn’t get sillier, here they were having the weirdest conversation of many, many weird conversations. “It’s a bit of a diuretic. And mild laxative,” Amanda said. “Not uncomfortably so, though. It’s very gentle on little’s tummies.” “Which wouldn’t be a bad thing for you,” Becky added. “Most littles go a lot more than you do. I’ve been meaning to talk to the doctor about it.” “I don’t feel sick,” he said, “I always go once a day. That’s normal for humans.” He did note, though, that he was peeing much more frequently than his pre-diaper day’s, but only because he just went whenever he needed to, even if it was just a little nit. “Well, all the little books here says that’s not enough.” But all the little books here are based on bullshit ideas about how our bodies work, Jamie thought. Still, going more often didn’t seem like it mattered. He was comfortable with that part of his life for the most part because he was able to time it to when he could be changed in relative privacy. It had stopped being a big deal. As for it being addictive, there was no specific reason why something being addictive was also bad. “Now addictive is it, exactly?” “Nothing you couldn’t get past in a week if you wanted to stop.” There was silence at the table. Everyone was about done with their dinner. “So do you want to give it a try?” Jamie thought of how good it felt in the moments before he fell asleep. It didn’t just taste good; it felt good, like a shock of pleasure hormones channeled like a shot of electricity through his body. “Yes, I’d like to try it. But just try it, not, like forever, unless we all like it.” “Good,” Becky said. “Do you have a preference between the two of us?” Jamie’s eye turned to saucers. “Excuse me?” “It’s up to you.” “I don’t ...” “Mom’s saying she can do it or at can do it or both if that’s what you prefer.” “I thought we were talking about buying it,” Jamie said. He felt his toes blushing. “That gets a little expensive, and everyone says it’s not as good.” “Um ...” He’d just naturally assumed they meant buying it, or maybe even Jane supplying some. Jamie wasn’t sure he still wanted to do this, but both Amanda and his mom were smiling like they were so excited, and now Jamie also had to choose which of them would be the one to do it. He was afraid to ask if they were talking about bottling it for him or him nursing. And in choosing he was afraid he’d hurt someone’s feelings. “I don’t want to decide.” “Both of us then,” Amanda said right away. Becky laughed. Jamie was confused. “Why did you offer me a choice then?” “Because you’re so close to both of us, and we weren’t sure who you’d be most comfortable with,” Amanda said. The question of co pmfort helped Jamie to understand they weren’t talking about bottles. Jamie wasn’t sure he was comfortable with either, much less his Big sister, but she clearly wanted to, and so did Becky. He didn’t want either of them to feel left out or that he had a favorite. “Won’t hurt your dating life either,” Becky joked. Jamie caught her meaning and asked, “What happened to Miles anyway? No particular reason I’m asking.” Becky smiled at him. “We went out twice and decided we didn’t feel a spark.” Good, thought Jamie. He didn’t like Miles, not for any of the 90 seconds he’d known him. Maybe he could help find Amanda a boyfriend. Or not. “I think it’s bath time for little boys,” Becky said. “I got it, Mom. Leave the dishes, too. I’ll take care of them later.” She wanted to talk to Jamie. In the bathroom, Amanda stripped Jamie down to his diaper and giggled. “You’re wearing girl diapers,” she said. “So! I bet they’re prettier than yours were.” “I just meant they’re cute is all. Are they comfy?” “They feel like the other ones. She used cloth, too,” he added. She lifted him into the filling tub. “What were those like?” “Comfortable. They hug everything real tight, but they’re not as comfortable when here wet.” “We could try them sometimes.” “I’d rather not wash my clothes in the same washing machine as those.” “Fair point.” “Do you really want a bruin?” “Meh. Sorta, but don’t feel strongly about it.” “And you’re really okay with nursing from us?” “Well ... It’s kinda weird. No, actually really weird.” “You don’t have to.” “It’s ... that was really good. You don’t have to, either. I mean, if you don’t want to I really don’t mind. I know it’s a lot of effort.” “But we do want to. There’s a lot we get from it, too. Almost every Big with a little does it.” “Really?” “Just ... whatever makes us so attached to you guys.” “There’s only one of me and two of you.” “We usually only produce as much as you need, but if we do produce more we can always donate it or sell it. I could certainly use the money. Mostly to buy you presents but also for grad school.” “Hmm.” “You seemed a lot happier when I picked you up today. What gives?” “Nothing.” “I know that’s not true. You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like it if you would, and I think it might make you feel better. It’s about Cheryl, isn’t it?” Jamie was having a hard enough time articulating to himself exactly what was bothering him. He wasn’t sure if he was blowing the entire thing up in his head to more than it had ever been. What were they? Jamie loved her, and everything around that time had been so intense he wasn’t sure the nature of the love. Was he in love with her? He doubted it, if only because he didn’t think he’d have left if he had. And what was he to her? Was she in love with him? He felt already like he’d betrayed her, and now he was afraid he’d break her heart on top of it. “I think we grew apart.” “How so?” “I think the last time we’re together and the first time we communicated since everything was just so extreme. I’m not sure what we were to each other when I left, and I can’t ask her, and I don’t want to hurt her. It feels like a breakup and I’m not even sure if we were in a relationship.” Amanda had no ready advice to fix that conundrum, nor was she sure how she felt about his caseworker having gotten so close to him. He knew they were close, but that it bordered on romantic. “Did she say anything when she last wrote to you along those lines?” “No. I ... it’s hard to say someone is important to you and that you can’t do without them and you love them so much when they’re not really a part of your life. It takes so long to get a letter through. I dunno. I guess I feel like ... I feel like a world class prick just saying it. I feel like I’ve moved on.” “Maybe you haven’t moved on so much as grown apart.” “What if she hasn’t? It always felt like in our letters we were going out of our way to not say something.” “All I can say is don’t borrow trouble. If neither of you ever said otherwise, maybe you’re right and just how high emotions were running when you left and you’re just very close friends. Try not to worry about how she feels if you don’t even know there’s a reason to worry.” “Yeah ...” “Do you still feel like your friends?” “I’m ... I’m starting to feel like we’re friends. Like we’d be friends again if we were to together but that were too far apart.” “What do you write about to her?” He shrugged. “How I’m feeling, what I’m thinking.” “How about you hold on to the letter you wrote for now, and try writing one about what you’re doing instead. Keep it light and friendly.” “What will that do?” “Give both of you some room to see what it’s like when you’re relationship isn’t so much about sharing emotional baggage.” “I’m not ...” “I know you, James Patrick. If you’re writing about thoughts and feelings exclusively, your letters are not light and friendly, and that may make it difficult for her to be light and friendly with you.” “I’m not sure I want to tell her about these things.” “I’d be surprised if there was anything in your life right now that she didn’t know was a strong possibility when you came here.”