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Chapter Thirty Four John squeezed Amanda’s torso with his bare legs. An entire lifetime of being fully clothed to so much as walk outside to check the mail was screaming at him. And that was just the immediate part. Having had the perfect opportunity to explain that he didn’t like that Nana Claire woman one tiny bit, he felt that if he had to explain that he was about to freak out and punch her as hard as he could in the chest he might have wound up in trouble. And holding that in seemed like a good call. Honestly just thinking about it, he was still mad at her. He just wanted her to at least be wrong about which foods he would like. Something, anything just for her to not be right so he could feel like she couldn’t just magically understand him because he’s a little. While he was being carried into the Pet Store he realized that he was still dwelling on it and just making it worse for himself. So he rolled his eyes and flopped his head forward onto the chest in front of him. With a deep sigh he tried to stop thinking about it. Which only made it harder to get out of his own head. He felt Amanda stop walking and then his butt being patted. Then came the whisper from above him “Hey, you still in there?” Sarcasm being his default response, he shook his head and mumbled around the pacifier and into a breast “No. Please leave a message.” “There’s someone here with a puppy that they want to get used to being around littles.” Immediately John decided that he would mope later and pet the puppy now. His head snapped up and he looked around, squinting at the lights. When he caught sight of a small brown dog with curly hair and a tail whipping back and forth looking up at him he smiled. Behind the dog there was a man even taller than Amanda kneeling down with his hand on the puppies shoulder to keep it calm. As he felt Amanda kneeling down, he tensed up and said into her ear “I don’t have any pants on.” He could feel her stop down on one knee as she whispered back “No one even notices that. But if you would rather pass on petting the puppy, that is also fine.” Ugh. The one thing he couldn’t resist. Baby animals. John nodded “Just this once.” Amanda lowered him to the floor and he turned around. This ‘puppy’ still came up to his chest and it had a tail whipping back and forth just shy of the speed of sound. Still, he looked down at his bare legs and froze up. The giant man asked “Oh, is he scared of dogs?” John didn’t even have to look to imagine Amanda shaking her head as she said “Oh, he loves animals. But he’s new here and he’s still a bit shy.” The man just nodded knowingly and said “Yeah, that’s perfectly fair. It’s a big world and he’s suddenly a cute little guy that all the women won’t be able to resist.” Then the man looked at John and addressed him directly “Well, this is Latrare. She’s a Mastiff, so she’s going to get pretty big. She’s gentle as a lamb … but she may lick you to death. Do you want to pet her?” Of course John nodded mutely. He continued “Do you want to come to her, or do you want her to come to you?” John thought about over a hundred pounds of hyperactive puppy shaped missile and said “I’ll go to her.” With a nod, the man patted the dog on the booty and said firmly “Sit.” and the dog put her butt down. The tail was still sliding back and forth side to side on the furiously. Exceedingly conscious of his bare legs, John walked over to the large puppy and held out his hand for the puppy to smell. It was immediately licked. In for a penny, in for a pound, he just took one big step and got his fingers in and started giving the dog some good scritches up and down her side. The next five minutes were an exercise of John petting a giant hyperactive puppy, and a large man patiently keeping her calm. It was obvious that she was soft, but her fur was shorter and so it felt different. And petting her left like a film on his hands. Still worth it though because she was such a great dog! Eventually the man nodded and said “I think that’s about all the calmness she can handle. She needs to go run around now.” John nodded and asked “How big is she going to get.” The giant man said nonchalantly “Her Mother was about three hundred and forty pounds. But she is almost a year old and I don’t think she’s going to be much over three hundred. She’s been training to work with littles and children since she was six months old. She almo…” The man stopped as John got a giant dog tongue up the front of his shirt, neck over his face, and left some of his hair sticking up. “...almost got the hang of staying calm around littles.” Amanda was laughing behind him as she got a wipe out of the diaper bag and knelt down to wipe him off. Curiosity got the better of him so he asked “Mom, how big is Xerxes?” While she was wiping his face, she answered “He’s just shy of two hundred pounds. He’s not full blooded, but he looks just like a big border collie.” Once she was done wiping and explaining, John pointed at Latrare “You mean she’s going to get bigger than Xerxes!?” Amanda looked down at him funny and then sighed as she looked at the man “He rides our dog like a horse.” That got quite a laugh out of everyone involved. Except John, who sulked while mumbling “It’s not funny.” Finally Mom told him “Okay, say goodbye to the puppy, we have to get a toy and get our groceries home.” John reached down low and snapped his fingers. The moment Latrare looked down he darted in and kissed her on the forehead, praising her by saying “Good puppy!” and then darting back before he needed another wipe down. After that he was picked up and wrapped back around his Moms torso, they said their polite goodbyes and as they walked into the store, John looked up and said “I’m no expert, but that’s almost twice the size they get on my world.” He felt himself being raised some more and got a kiss on the forehead before she explained “Yes John. There’s a theme here. Things here are about twice as big, and combined with you shrinking will seem probably half again as big to you on top of that.” He rested his head on a boob while he thought. It was soft and it was conveniently located as a resting spot. Everything seemed so normal and so abnormal at the same time. An while John never considered himself to be dumb, it was just hard to process. Like everything was new and huge all over again. Plus there were the differences. Some of them were pretty incredible. Thinking of incredible differences, he felt a few pats on the butt as Mom said “We’re here at the toys. Take a peek.” John looked up and over and was greeted with a wall of dog toys. He zeroed in immediately on what he wanted the second his eyes focused on the wall. He pointed “That!” Amanda reached out and took a red plastic handle with a tennis ball on it off the shelf. It was about two and a half feet long and had a cup for the tennis ball. “You want this?” Nodding emphatically he said “YES!” She laughed now and said “You feel cheated that Xerxes can catch what you throw without having to chase it, don’t you?” “Yup.” With a chuckle she said “Okay, anything else you want for Xerxes? We really have to get those groceries home.” “Doggy breath mints.” A few seconds of walking later she had a bag of treats that said they were good for his teeth, and she said “If this isn’t good enough you’ll just have to start brushing his teeth.” He nodded “You get me on the side of the sink and I’ll brush his teeth myself. I’m closer to his mouth than you are.” They shared a good laugh, and as they walked by a young woman that was tagging merchandise, Amanda shuffled him around to her left arm and he could see her making a motion of some sort. There was a click-clack and something smacked him on the butt, followed by some giggling. As he was carried away he could see a red head with a great big smile waving at him. He wanted to feel indignant, but all things considered he couldn’t. As they approached the check out he looked around and spotted the cooler by the check out line. Even THAT was normal. But on closer look it had juice as well as sodas. “Mom?” he asked tentatively. “Yes sweety?” “May I have something to drink?” As the person in front of them left, Amanda leaned and said “Plapple or Grape?” “Can I have a soda?” She shook her head “You had more than enough sugar an hour ago.” “...Plapple.” The two items in her hand were put onto the conveyor belt and a bottle of Plapple juice quickly followed. But as the items got scanned, Amanda looked down at him with a mischievous grin and asked “Do you feel like doing something silly?” With a shrug, he answered “Sure?” And with that he was placed on the conveyor belt. Okay, this was funny but he did actually feel a little bit indignant. Amanda patted him on the head as he asked “Excuse me, could you do a price check on this item?” There was a “Hmm… Is it okay if I pick this item up?” Amanda looked at him “Do you mind if she picks you up?” He just nodded “It’s okay.” And with that he was picked up and rotated to face a very pretty brunette, about his age but much larger, and he was slid over a scanner and there was a loud ‘BEEP’ under him. The cashier said “I’m sorry Ma’am, but this item seems to be out of stock. I’m afraid I have to put several stickers on it and send it off.” He could hear Amanda laying on the drama as she said “Oh dear. Well, I suppose that if you are willing to put stickers on it, I can carry it back to where I found it.” John couldn’t help blushing as the pretty young woman put a sticker on his shirt, then another one on his arm and as Amanda picked him up … she swatted one onto his butt. One swipe of a card, and a wave, one blush as she blew him a kiss, and they were on their way to the car at a pretty brisk pace. Diaper bag slid in place, Booty in carseat, a quick check and then a snap of the buckles and Amanda was quickly in the drivers seat and starting car. He asked “Mom?” After pulling onto the road heading back to home, she looked up and asked “Yes?” “How many stickers do I have on me?” After a laugh, she answered “Five stickers and a price tag.” Rolling his eyes, he settled in for the twenty some odd minute drive with his sippy cup full of fresh cold Plapple juice. It was the little things. The irony of that saying was lost on him as he stretched in the carseat that was oddly always comfortable. One empty sippy cup of juice, and five minutes later, he closed his eyes for just a moment as the movement from the car relaxed him a bit. A moment later the car door opened and the sun hit his face briefly. He groaned. As he was unbuckled he could hear Mom saying “Well, someone fell asleep in the car.” “Nnnnn. Just closed my eyes.” John cracked an eye open and could see her nodding as she said sarcastically “uh huh. Let’s get you in the house and I’ll get the groceries in.” As she lifted him up and got her arm under his bottom she paused and looked at him at the same time that he felt how thick his diaper was. It was, frankly, huge. Carried through the fence and greeted by a jumping dog was nice. Having his shoes off at the grocery store he was just in his socks, so those didn’t have to be taken off. And Mom stopped and wiped her shoes off on the mat before stepping in to set him down and drop the diaper bag on the couch. As he stood there on the living room floor realizing that he couldn’t make his knees go anywhere near one another, Xerxes came in and smelled all over him. He was suddenly worried that Xerxes could tell he had petted another dog, but it turned out to be a non issue as he started getting a cold nose across his face. Xerxes was just happy to have his little home. When the dog walked over to the door to watch Amanda move in and out carrying in groceries, John tried to take a step with the diaper sagging so low, the plastic was pulling a bit painfully on his hips. At first he gave up and sat down on the carpet, but with an audible squish, he decided he didn’t like that. Plus he was a couple inches off the floor anyway, and that was weirding him out a bit. So that was how he waited patiently, watching his Mom carry in groceries and hurry to put away the cold stuff. Meanwhile his priority in life had been reduced to sitting with his legs under him not putting pressure on his butt. That was it for him at the moment. So naturally he sulked a bit. Finally, what seemed like half an hour, but he knew was really just a few minutes, most of the groceries were put away and Mom was on her way to scoop him up. In what seemed like moments she had him on the changing table. An with no shorts on there was no delay. But he could tell that he did have to scrub his legs and thighs a lot. Before telling him “lift.” After that it was business as usual, but once she was done taping him into a fresh new rough pup, she sat him up instead of lifting him off the table. “Arms up!” He lifted his arms and his shirt was pulled off. Immediately she said “back up!” and he could see her lifting a dark blue onesie up and over him. All he asked was “Onesie?” There was a nod in response as she said “Onesie. You have destroyed two diapers in as many hours, so … lay back … you’re in a onesie until after nap time, for easy changes. Sit up. Okay, I have to go finish things up, and wipe out something that got wet in the carseat. Would you like anything specific for lunch?” Thinking back to what they got he said “Cookies?” “No.” “Peanut butter sandwich?” “Yes.” “THEN cookies?” “One.” “Two?” “One.” “Three?” “None.” “You drive a hard bargain. One it is.” Finally she nodded and said “I thought you would see it my way.” Nodding along he agreed “You’re the Mommy.” That got him scooped up into a hug and deposited on the rug in the living room. A look at his wrist band had him wondering if it was about the time she always insisted he take a nap. Maybe she would let him skip the nap today and he could sit on the porch and draw. It never hurt to hope. After a couple of minutes he found himself in a booster seat looking at a ten inch wide peanut butter and jelly sandwich that had been cut in half diagonally. Only as he started eating it and felt the sandwich leaving traces on his cheek did he realize that this was not going to be a dignified lunch. Nor would it leave him seeming as mature as he surely still was. Not that it mattered, the jelly or the peanut butter, or just SOMETHING tasted like the embodiment of the word delicious. And he couldn’t stop himself until he was out of sandwich and sighing contently while he was being assaulted with a wet rag. When she was done wiping him down, he sat there looking at her expectantly. She looked confused for a moment as she asked “Yes?” The audacity!! His demand was simple: “Cookie.” She laughed. Laughed! He cleared his throat and repeated himself. “Cookie.” At least this time Mom turned around and got the package, holding it out to him “As serious as you are taking this cookie, I don’t think we even needed to get the little variety. Chocolate or Strawberry?” As he stared intently at the package, easily deciding which he wanted, all that was left was to ask “What is different about the little variety, and why even have a different one for us?” Flipping the package over, Amanda pointed to a spot “The little variety is made with something called Little Extract. From my understanding, it’s supposed to help with your different taste buds. Bigs and Littles have … well you know by now.” Smiling up at her, he said “You mean you like freakishly spicy savory foods, and I like sane people food?” With a laugh and a nod she answered “From my point of view it’s the other way around.” “So …” John pointed at the package “What is ummm… what is little extract made of?” Now she was smirking at him “It’s made from littles that didn’t eat their vegetables. So you’re safe… for now.” It was impossible to stop himself from rolling his eyes as he said “Oh God, Aunt Cat would be proud of you.” That got him a hair ruffle as she held out the package “Okay, pick one, and then I’ve got to get some work done fast before someone comes over.” Immediately he pointed “Strawberry, please.” As she handed him the wafer, he was unsurprised that it was generously portioned. Not gigantic by any means, but size wise it was like someone folded a pop tart in half. Despite its size, it seemed to weigh very little. Stopping to smell it suspiciously while Mom’s back was turned as she put the cookies away, he went ahead and took a big bite of the large pink snack. As he bit down into the crunch his brain had a reset moment. Something was so good that it seemed off. As in it shouldn’t be THIS good. Of course, he still finished the bite. And then immediately took another one. Figuring out what was off about it would have to wait. The wafer was crunchy enough that all he heard was himself chewing on it, soft enough that chewing it was delightful, and strawberry enough to just be downright amazing. Plus there was just some other flavor there that didn’t make sense to his brain. But this didn’t have to make sense. As he finished the wafer, he felt honestly a bit zoned out. Never even noticing as his hands were wiped and he was lifted up until he was held up and looking at his Mommy. She was definitely looking at him funny. “Sweety, how are you feeling? Do you need a nap?” Shaking he head he said “No, but another cookie would be great.” Being pulled in for a hug and a coupe of firm pats on the booty, he was told “Maybe one after dinner. As long as you’re good.” Oh, he was totally going to be good, he decided that immediately. Even if he had to cheat to do it.

Chapter 12: A New Solution I woke up with a bunch of fur in my face. I let out a loud sneeze as I shoved our orange cat off of me. Chester trotted halfway to my now open bedroom door – he must have snuck in while I was sleeping – and then looked back and made a chirpy meow at me. Yes, yes, I get it, cat. You’re hungry. There was no choice but to get up and feed him. Not unless I wanted him bothering me until it was time to get up and get ready for school. My digital clock still said there was an hour-and-a-half left until it was time to get up for the day. I could probably even squeeze in another ten minute of sleep if I waited until Mom came to wake me up. I looked down at my pajamas as I got out of the sleeping bag. There was a clear and obvious problem. These were the same ones I had worn to bed last night. I had forgotten to toss them in the laundry with my bedding last night. I took a deep breath. That was a close call. If Mom had caught me in these pajamas, it would have raised questions I’d be unable to provide a satisfactory answer for. I changed into a new pair of pajamas and headed downstairs with my old ones. There wasn’t a need for the flashlight app on my phone as the first rays of sunlight were coming through the windows. I walked as quietly as I could. Chester trotted alongside me, chirping noisily. At least I’d have a good excuse for being up if anyone was awake when I was returning to my bedroom. I filled up Chester’s food and water bowls in the laundry room. They hadn’t even been fully empty. The stupid cat couldn’t be satisfied with eating out of a bowl that was only half-way full. Now I needed to deal with my pajamas. I turned on the faucet in the sink next to the washing machine and held my pajamas under the water until they were soaked. I twisted them in my hands to wring out all the excess water and then stuffed the pajamas in with the still very damp bedding in the washing machine. There, now, when Mom moved the laundry over to the dryer, nothing would seem out of place. <><><> A yawn escaped me at the start of math class. Mr. Thompson was going around handing back our final homework assignment of the year before we got started on our final exam. It had taken me about an hour to fall back to sleep after putting my pajamas in the washing machine. At that point, I’d only gotten another thirty minutes of sleep before Mom woke me up for school. From the look on her face, this most recent fake bedwetting incident had completely caught her by surprise. I suppose she had thought all the preventative measures she’d made me take would have been enough to bring the bedwetting to an end. Mom had taken care of vacuuming up the baking soda on the mattress and moving the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. As far as I was able to tell, she hadn’t caught on to the fact that I had faked the bedwetting accident simply by tossing my bedding and pajamas in the washing machine. Mr. Thompson handed the algebra homework paper to me as he passed by my desk. I stared at it in disbelief. The letter “C” was circled in red at the top right corner. I skimmed through the questions. Several of them had been marked as incorrect with red dashes through them. That was a complete betrayal. It was totally unfair. I had held up to my end of the bargain in keeping Grace’s secret, and she hadn’t even bothered to deliver me a good grade. There was no way these questions had been too difficult for my older sister. I tucked the assignment angrily into my backpack. I was going to have a word with Grace after school. The next set of papers our teacher handed out was even less fun than the first. Our final exam for the math class was fifty questions long and would account for twenty-five percent of the grade for the year. It was hard enough to do math when I was fully awake, but I was exhausted from the lack of sleep over the past several days. All the numbers and symbols seemed to dance around in front of me as I tried to work my way through each question. It didn’t help that I’d already had to sit through five different tests today, with each one seeming to go worse than the one preceding it. It was no use. I gave up about halfway through, beginning to fill in the little multiple-choice circles with my pencils with my best guess after reading through the question once. At least if I finished earlier, I could find somewhere to sit and rest outside in the hallway. <><><> I struggled to pretend that the way my parents were limiting my liquids didn’t annoy me. But it wasn’t fair. Mom had made fresh-squeezed lemonade to go with our dinner of hotdogs fresh off of the backyard grill, and I had been given a much smaller portion of lemonade than I would have preferred. Even Jackson had as much as me, and Mom was as careful with monitoring his sugar intake as she had been when I was his age. But the amount I had to drink tonight was irrelevant. I intended to instead wet the bed closer to when I was about to get up in the morning, so long as I could figure out a way to be awake at least a decent time before needing to get up for school. No amount of restrictions on how much I was allowed to drink would change the fact that I would need to pee when I woke up in the morning. I wasn’t sure of all the specifics of the plan. I would simply need to improvise when the time came. I watched as Grace quickly finished her meal, excusing herself from the table and heading off toward her bedroom. I hadn’t managed to corner her yet. She still owed me an explanation for the poor grade she had gotten me on the Algebra homework. I finished my hotdog in a large final bite and washed it down with the remainder of my pitiful serving of lemonade. It was time to confront my sister. I retrieved the mangled homework paper from my backpack in my bedroom, straightening it out before walking up to my sister’s bedroom door. I knocked on Grace’s door. No response. I knocked again, a bit louder. “I’m coming,” Grace said. “Yes, I know I need to still do the dishes.” A few seconds later, her bedroom door cracked open a few inches. “Oh, it’s you?” Grace said. “I’m busy.” I shoved the homework paper in her face before she could shut the door on me. Grace nudged it aside with her hand. “What are you so upset about?” Grace asked nonchalantly. “I got a ‘C’ on the assignment. You were supposed to help me get all the questions correct.” Grace rolled her eyes. “Let me let you in on a secret of cheating on homework. Never get a score that would make your teacher suspicious. If you had turned in an assignment that had every single answer correct, that would raise a lot of questions. I doubt you’ve gotten an ‘A’ on any assignment in the class this year, and to do so on an especially difficult one would make it look really obvious that you didn’t do the work yourself.” “Oh.” I hadn’t considered that at all. “If I hadn’t helped, you probably would have gotten a zero on it,” Grace said. “So, you still came out well ahead. Now, if you don’t mind, I have things to do.” Grace stepped back and shut the door in my face. I was left to wonder how she was so knowledgeable about cheating on homework. <><><> “Maddy, your dad and I need to talk with you about something.” I could feel my heart begin to speed up. That phrase was never the harbinger of good news. I looked up at Mom from where I was sitting on the couch with my phone. She was standing near the entrance to the living room. There was a serious look on her face, but it differed from the more annoyed expression that she wore when I was in trouble for something. Jackson was oblivious to Mom’s request. He was sprawled out on the carpet in front of the couch, playing Minecraft on a tablet. Thankfully, Grace was nowhere to be seen. She was secluded upstairs again in her bedroom after having come down briefly to wash dishes in the kitchen. What could I have possibly done wrong? The list of options was longer than I would have liked. It had to be something more than just forgetting my chores. I would just be sent off to do them right away if that were the case. The one thing that didn’t worry me was my end-of-year grades. They weren’t looking to be that good, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t be getting hold of them for at least a week or more. That could be dealt with later. But there was the Algebra quiz. Had Mr. Thompson decided something was off after all and told my parents about it? Or had one of my friends blabbed about how Grace had left us on our own at the mall? Either of those would have me spending a sizable amount of time grounded at the start of summer break. But as bad as either of those two outcomes might be, there were even worse possibilities to consider. What if they’d caught on to how I had been faking the bedwetting? If they questioned me about whether it was real, would I be able to lie effectively, or would I crumble under the pressure of that interrogation? “Maddy, come on,” Mom said, giving her head a slight shake in the direction of the hallway. I stepped carefully over my brother as I walked in a straight line toward the hallway. Regardless of what I was going to be disciplined for, I had a pretty good idea of how it was going to go down. Unlike either of my friends, I had never been on the receiving end of a spanking. That didn’t mean that my parents’ disciplinary methods were ever enjoyable. In fact, there were a number of times when I think I would have rather endured a spanking than be forced to be grounded from electronics for a week. As I followed Mom down the hallway, I was mentally bracing myself for the long lecture I was about to get, followed by being grounded from whatever my parents thought would best convince me to behave better in the future. There wasn’t a specific location in the house where these conversations normally took place; it was always somewhere away from my siblings, so they couldn’t eavesdrop on the conversation. I followed Mom to the entrance room, where Dad was already sitting on the right side of a small couch. Dad patted the middle of the couch. “Why don’t you have a seat, Maddy.” That was different from normal. Aside from the fact that these lectures usually began before being given a chance to sit down, there was the realization that neither of my parents had used my full name. That made me even more confused. So, I wasn’t in trouble? I took a seat next to Dad, and then Mom squeezed in beside me to my left. There was barely enough room for us on the couch, which was probably only meant for two occupants. I kept my mouth shut. Better to wait and see what exactly my parents were up to than guess and be wrong. “We need to have a talk about what’s been happening at night,” Mom said. “About how we’re going to need to handle the bedwetting.” There it was. I tried to get myself into the right mindset for this conversation. I had to talk as though the bedwetting was surprising and upsetting, that I wanted nothing more than for it to come to an end. And, if possible, I needed to find a way to discreetly steer the conversation toward the possibility of getting pull-ups without revealing how badly I wanted those specific undergarments. “It is kind of our fault, in a way,” Dad said. “And mine,” Mom added. I looked back and forth between my parents. How in the world could it be their fault that I was wetting the bed? “I read that if both parents had a history of wetting the bed as kids, then it meant their own kids have a three-in-four chance of being bedwetters themselves,” Dad explained. Fractions always gave me a hard time. I tried to picture it in my head the way that my elementary math teacher had explained long ago. Leave it to Dad to turn bedwetting into a math problem. “What that means,” Mom said, “is that since your father and I both were bedwetters when we were kids, that means that it was very likely that our own kids would have issues with that as well. We thought we’d dodged a bullet with you and Jackson, but I guess not.” Wait. What? I conjured images of Mom and Dad as kids, drawing on old family photo albums I had gone through before. The idea of either of them waking up in the middle of the night to wet sheets was too much. I started to laugh. “No way.” I looked back and forth at Mom and Dad again. Sitting sandwiched between them was making this conversation more difficult than necessary. “For real?” “I think I wet the bed nearly every night until I was nine or so,” Mom said. “I remember I wasn’t allowed to go on any sleepovers until I stopped. It lasted a bit longer for you, honey?” “Yes,” Dad muttered. I’d never seen him look so flustered. “Bedwetting didn’t stop for me until I turned fourteen. My siblings weren’t as, um, understanding about it as they should have been.” “The point we’re trying to say, Maddy,” Mom said, “is that bedwetting isn’t a big deal. It isn’t your fault or anything you need to be embarrassed about. It’s something that lots of other kids have to deal with. I don’t think this bedwetting phase should last all that long, but we’ll be with you to help you get through it, no matter how long it takes.” “And if you have any questions or anything you want to tell us,” Dad said. “I promise we won’t judge you for it. We went through the same things as you.” If only I was bold enough to take Dad up on that offer. There was a question I wanted to ask really badly. Had either of my parents worn diapers or pull-ups to bed? Had there even bed ones available in their size that long ago? But I had to work to hold myself back from asking about it. No kid my age was going to proactively seek out information about diapers. I had to remember that I was supposed to be feeling embarrassed and concerned about the situation. “I just don’t get why it started all of a sudden.” “I don’t know either,” Mom said. “We’ll worry about that if it keeps up. For now, I think we’re just going to focus on making things a bit easier to clean up if the bedwetting happens again. We are going to need to do something to make sure that your mattress doesn’t get ruined. Cleaning it up afterward is OK for the occasional accident, but not if you are peeing on it almost every night.” I focused all my thoughts on keeping a straight face. This was it. This was when they would tell me that they had purchased the pull-ups so that the mattress wouldn’t be getting wet every night. I could hardly believe my luck. I would be getting pull-ups after wetting the bed only three times in four days. “We’re going to switch your mattress for the one that Grace has on her bed,” Dad said. “It has a waterproof covering, which makes it a lot easier to clean up after bedwetting accidents.” That was not what I wanted. There was no hiding the look of disappointment on my face. But it improved my subterfuge, as Mom and Dad took it to be a sign that I was embarrassed by needing a special mattress. Mom began to rub my back. “I’m sure this bedwetting phase will run its course quickly enough, but until then, won’t it be a lot nice to not have to worry about cleaning the mattress in the middle of the night? You could swap the bedding out and go back to sleeping in bed rather than on the floor in a sleeping bag.” “I guess.” Mom had a solid point. It would be nice not to have to spray cleaning solutions and then dry off the mattress with paper towels and sprinkle baking soda all over it. Faking the bedwetting would take a lot less work on my part. “We better get that done before it’s time for bed. Why don’t we get that taken care of now?” Dad said. I followed my parents up the stairs and to my bedroom. My room was a bit of a mess. I had some dirty clothes tossed on the floor that should have been put in the laundry hamper, there was a pile of unfolded laundry on my bed that I had been supposed to get put away before dinner, and then there was the fact that I hadn’t made the bed either like I was supposed to. I had just tossed the clean sheets and covers haphazardly across the mattress. Mom examined the scene with a sigh. “We’ll talk about the state of your bedroom later. Why don’t you get everything off of the mattress and set it to the side while we talk with your sister about the mattress swap?” They left me to it, shutting the door behind them as they walked over to my sister’s bedroom. I picked up the dirty laundry and tossed it into the hamper in the closet, then went to tackle the mess that was my bed. After tossing everything unceremoniously on the floor, I heard some raised voices from out in the hallway. I tiptoed over to my door and placed my ear right up against it. “You’ve been asking for a new mattress for a long time,” Dad said. “Yeah, and you always told me that you weren’t quite ready to trust me with one yet,” Grace said. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Grace had supposedly stopped wetting the bed when she was twelve. “Seriously, it was only like once or twice a year at that point. Besides, it hasn’t happened for like two years now.” That probably wasn’t without any close calls, though. The time Grace had caught me in the hallway a few nights ago, she had been in quite the hurry to go use the toilet herself. “Exactly,” Mom said. “So now is the perfect time to do the swap because of how your sister has been wetting the bed a lot the past few days.” “That’s gross, Mom. I don’t want Maddy’s mattress. Not after she’s peed all over it.” “Hey,” Mom said. “It got cleaned up right away each time. There aren’t any visible stains, and it doesn’t even smell funny at all. Besides, it’s not like the mattress you are giving her hasn’t been peed on several hundred times.” “Yeah, but it has a plastic cover. It cleans off without a trace.” “Look, we’re doing the mattress swap. I’m sure Maddy will be done with the bedwetting soon. When that happens. She’ll have her old mattress back, and we’ll buy a new one for you.” “Ugh, fine,” Grace said. “I’ll get the sheets off.” I heard my sister’s bedroom door shut rather loudly. I retreated to standing back near my bed lest my parents returned to my bedroom to catch me eavesdropping. Mom opened my bedroom door a few seconds later. “Are you all set, Maddy?” “Yeah.” “Good; why don’t you help me get your mattress off of the bed frame?” The mattress wasn’t as heavy as I had expected it to be, but it was still a bit of work to lift it up and set it against the wall. Dad and Grace entered the bedroom a minute later, carrying a strange mattress. It wasn’t a normal looking white mattress, like mine, and it also didn’t have a fabric exterior. It instead had a light blue vinyl exterior. It looked more like something that would be seen in a hospital than a bedroom. The new mattress fit onto the bedframe perfectly, which was the benefit of us both having queen-sized beds. From how Grace was looking at my mattress, I could tell that she was trying to determine if there were any visible urine stains on it. I didn’t know why Grace had thrown such a fuss in the hallway. It seemed that she was getting the better deal out of this. She finally had a normal, comfortable mattress to sleep on. “Well, that’s set,” Mom said. “Why don’t you get your bed made, Maddy, we’ll leave you to it.” Dad and Grace grabbed my mattress while Mom went ahead and held the door open all the way so they could maneuver it out into the hallway and toward Grace’s bedroom. Mom shut the door behind her, leaving me by myself. Once all the sheets and covers were back on, my bed didn’t look any different. At first glance, there wouldn’t be any way to tell that something was off. The changed the moment I laid down on it, as it crinkled loudly, reminiscent of that time three years ago when I had snooped through my sister’s bedroom. Even shifting my weight ever so slightly caused more plastic crinkling sounds. There was no question that it was a downgrade from my other mattress. It likely was going to take a while to get used to sleeping in it. Still, it couldn’t be argued that this was going to beat sleeping on the floor. I tried to lie as still as I could, just to get a moment of silence. It wasn’t the pull-ups I had been hoping for. It was progress. Mom and Dad were now taking the bedwetting seriously, but was it progress in the right direction? Had this been their sole solution for my sister’s bedwetting? What if they had never once purchased pull-ups for her? What if my parents didn’t care that my sheets and bedding got soaked with urine every night so long as the mattress was protected? Could that be the reason I had never noticed Grace wearing a pull-up before bed? Was this why I hadn’t been able to find any evidence of pull-ups since that time I had searched her bedroom? Had my parents deliberately decided not to get her pull-ups, or perhaps had they not even realized that it was an option? My sister had been potty trained around the same age as me, meaning she would have been about two when she was dry during the day. She didn’t stop regularly wetting the bed until she was twelve. Had she really gone through ten straight years of waking up to wet pajamas every night? Ten straight years of needing to change sheets and bedding in the dark, first with her parents’ help and then on her own? That sounded absolutely awful. And that still left the question about what had happened on that vacation to my grandparents’ place six years ago. Grace had wet the bed that first night. And there had been no further evidence of accidents after that. Had six-year-old me simply not been all that observant? Or had something else been going on at the time? I hadn’t even considered the possibility of different types of mattresses. I realized that there was still a lot about bedwetting that I didn’t know. I checked my phone. It was about time to get ready for bed again. I went to brush my teeth and use the toilet. There was nothing to do but keep pressing forward with my plan. My parents still seemed to think that the bedwetting would end soon. Perhaps if it didn’t, they might start to look at solutions other than the waterproof mattress. I set the alarm on my phone for forty-five minutes before I was supposed to be up for school. It wouldn’t do any good to have it wake anyone else in the house. But I had the perfect solution in mind. As I laid back down on my now super crinkly bed, I plugged a pair of headphones into my phone. I tucked one of them into my right ear, making sure to lay down in a way that wouldn’t cause me to dislodge the headphones while I was asleep. I would pee in the bed when I woke up early and allow Mom to discover me sleeping in a wet bed when she came to get me up for school. I needed to make the bedwetting as inconvenient as possible. I had to get to a point where my parents would realize that pull-ups would make managing it so much easier. --- Links to all my stories can be found at https://abdlwriter.wordpress.com/

Chapter 33: Protest Little in Love 2 – LittleFallenPrincess I sprinted as fast I could through the chaos. No matter where I turned, there was fighting surrounding me. Every street I went down was packed full of people… and police. Protesters had turned up in large numbers, but doing so had caused the police to retaliate in kind, bringing in everyone they had… and every form of suppression they could use. It was like a war zone right now… and I wondered just how far across the city… or even country… this went. I had covered a few streets, and I had seen a lot of people joining our protest on the march over to parliament… but I had a feeling it was a lot bigger than I had first imagined. Ducking and weaving through the scuffles, watching littles being carried off by police officers for them only to be retrieved by Amazons trying to rescue them… I made sure not to be noticed by any of the officers, because despite me not technically starting these protests… they probably saw me as the number one target to take down at all costs, so I ran for my life, trying my best to focus on coming up with a safe location to run to. The only place that I could think of… the only place that was nearby… …Was my old shop. Cars were being smashed, fires were being started, everything was going to shit… so I kept running, street after street, trying my best to make it to somewhere I knew was safe and I could hide out. At least somewhere I knew I could call from safely and get some help from my friends. ‘My friends… Wait… did any more of them join in?’ I wondered as I dodged a riot shield being swung mere inches from my face. It helped that I was so small, I could dash through the chaos without being seen, which meant I was safe, provided I could make it back to the shop. Malcolm kept running the business from the shop, so it was still owned by the two of us. Which meant… my old workshop was the perfect place to barricade myself in and call for help. “Just… another… street…” My unfit physique was causing me to slow down as I struggled to catch my breath. And as I turned onto the corner, dashing between an Amazon protester’s legs, I stumbled to my knees and breathed in deeply, trying to breathe. I didn’t know if I had time to catch my breath like this or not, but it seems like my body is refusing to move unless I get some breath back, so I stayed on my hands and knees, breathing heavily, hoping I wouldn’t be stepped on or noticed down here whilst the fighting was going on around us. Taking one last deep breath, I looked up… to see a police officer looking at me from across the street. He looked new… nervous even… but he was still an Amazon, and I was pretty sure he had recognised me. So I pushed past the pain and the breathlessness, climbed to my feet and bolted down the street towards my shop. I couldn’t afford to turn and see if he was following. If I did that, I could potentially trip or bump into something, and it would definitely slow me down even if I didn’t. So I ran as if my life depended on it… which honestly… it did. Running up to the door, I grabbed the handle and twisted, hoping to the Goddesses that it was open… and as if my prayers had been answered, it turned and the door opened, causing me to fall into the shop, rolling onto the carpet. Climbing back to my feet as quickly as possible, I pushed the door closed and turned the lock, preventing anyone from getting in. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned and looked back at my shop… I hadn’t been in here in a while, I’ve been so busy at work that I haven’t even checked in on Malcolm to see how he’s doing with the store on his own. I had asked him a few times, but he just says it's going okay. And as I looked out at all the clothing on display… yeah, it wasn’t in a state and it wasn’t on fire, so I’d say Mal had it handled so far. My relief was short-lived, as I heard a bang on the door which caused me to turn around… to see the police officer that had been chasing me standing there… his face looking through the glass window on the door… staring at me in the eyes. I couldn’t move. I completely froze, my heart beating like a hummingbird’s, watching as this officer tried to open the door. Then, failing that, he tried to slam against it as I backed away slowly towards the workshop. Failing that… he pulled out his baton and covered his face with his free arm and swung for the glass… causing it to shatter. Using this opportunity, I ran towards the workshop whilst he reached in and unlocked the door, letting himself into the shop as he hunted me down. I was so close… Just need… to get… to… I was mere inches from the door to the workshop… when I felt a large hand grab my arm and pull me back. “You little shit… come here… you’re the one we’re after…” He growled, pulling me up into the air by my wrist, letting me dangle from his grip… making my arm ache. “FUCK OFF, LET ME GO!” I screamed, looking around to my attacker, trying to pull away with all my strength… not that it was anywhere close to his, and was doing absolutely nothing for me right now. “Not a chance, little one, you’re going to get me promoted. Or at least recognised.” He grinned. “You’ve been pretending to be an adult in Parliament for too long. I can’t wait to see you put back in your place, shitting in your nappies.” “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” I screamed again, before spitting at him. “I am placing you under…” Before he could finish his sentence, something large came from behind and struck the back of his head, causing him to fall flat on his face on the carpeted floor. As he released his grip on me due to falling unconscious, I fell backwards onto the floor, on my padded arse. At least that cushioned the fall a bit. But realising my situation, I didn’t hesitate at all to rush around and hide behind the counter. “I… ugh… oops… didn’t mean to hit him that hard…” I heard coming from the other side of the shop counter. Looking down, I could see the officer was currently out cold, but still breathing, and I looked up to see just who my saviour was. And what I saw… I was not expecting. “Hi… Olivia…” The shy brunette beauty with freckles adorning her face said, blushing and looking down at the floor. I looked up at her as she walked over, carefully stepping over the Amazon officer’s body, before stopping right in front of me and kneeling down. “I… umm… if you’re here to kidnap me and adopt me… I’m just gonna say…” I was ready to try and bullshit my way out of this, but she quickly cut me off. “Oh no! No no no no no no! Nooooo! That’s not it! I promise! Pinky promise!” “Pinky promise…? Wait… just who are you then?” She didn’t look familiar. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this woman in my life. But then she looks like most Amazons when she’s towering over me like this, even with her kneeling down. She was gorgeous, I’ll give her that, but I think I would have remembered someone this cute. Looking around my age, she wore a purple baggy jumper with sleeves that were way too big, so big that she had cut holes in them for her thumbs so she could wear them like gloves, along with baggy jeans that went all the way down to the floor, covering the majority of her shoes… She looked like her fashion taste hadn’t changed since the 90s. It was kind of adorable really. Large round glasses balanced on the end of her nose, giving her that nerdy bookworm aesthetic that I loved on Charlie so much. And looking down at the floor… I saw the large mannequin that she had thrown at this officer’s head, laying next to the unconscious man. “Hi… I’m Vanessa. Though people call me Nessa.” The Amazon woman smiled at me. “Hi… I… umm… thanks?” I replied, my heart still racing. “Oh you’re welcome! Sorry I couldn’t help sooner, I… I’ve been a bit nervous about introducing myself.” “Introducing… wait… what?” “Oh… umm… sorry, yeah that seems a bit… stalkery… umm…” “Have you… have you been following me?” I asked. She went quiet for a bit, looking really damn guilty, before raising her head and looking at me in the eyes. “...Sort of? I…” “Who are you, Vanessa? And why have you been following me? And more importantly… why did you just assault someone to save me?” “Because you…” She stuttered, trying to get past her anxiety. Part of me felt sympathetic, I knew that feeling well, but right now a strange Amazon was cornering me against the workshop door, and apparently she had been following me. For how long, I have no idea… but I was too focused on trying to find a way to run away from her to think about asking. “Tell me!” I raised my voice at her. “Because you mean a lot to Charlie!” She yelled back, sounding scared. “...Okay? And why do you care?” “B… b… because… she means a lot to me…” “She does? How? Who are you exactly?” “I… umm… I… it’s hard to explain…” “Tell me now, otherwise I’ll scream for help…” I knew that no one would be able to hear me, the rioting outside would cover up any little’s noises, no matter how much they screamed. But I was betting on the fact she probably wasn’t thinking about that. “I… because of this!” She grabbed the bottom of her jumper with one hand, and the top of her jeans with the other, and separated the two from each other, revealing… “A nappy? But… what? But why? You’re an Ama… oh.” My jaw dropped. That’s when it hit me. Amazons don’t usually wear them. They’d only wear them if they were incontinent or… they’re like me. Charlie and Madison’s ‘adult baby’. This is her. This is the woman Madison scared off. The woman Charlie found her maternal side with. “You’re… the adult baby… aren’t you?” “She told you about me?” Her face lit up when she said this, sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs so she was at the same height as me once I had stood up to match her. “Yeah. Told me Madison was horrible to you and scared you off. And that she felt terrible for you and how things ended…” “Yeah… that’s me. I really liked Charlie. Oh and don’t worry, I don’t mean in the same way you do. She was a perfect Mummy though, so kind and loving and generous. But that’s all it was! I’m not here to threaten your marriage or anything!” She laughed, very awkwardly. “So why are you here?” “I… wanted to get back in touch with Charlie for a while. Especially after she released her book about you two. I may have passed this store a few times since, trying to work up the courage to come in and introduce myself and everything… but I… I have anxiety. Then when you were on the news, and you mentioned Charlie being attacked and stuff… I wanted to help her… help the both of you. She was so wonderful to me, and if I could repay her back by helping you… so yeah, I rushed over to your store.” “Why did you come here? How did you know I was going to come here?” “I… I was in the crowd earlier. I believe in the same things you and Charlie do. I’ve attended a few protests, at least until my anxiety got the better of me and I had to leave early. This big one was too important though, so I pushed my fear down, and marched with you from the hall. I kept my distance, still too nervous to talk to you, because I mean what am I gonna say? Especially in front of tens of thousands of people? That I’m an Amazon who likes to be babied and wear baby clothes and nappies? It’s not just something you bring up in casual conversation. But now it’s just us two… I… I feel a lot more confident. That’s why I could tell… and show you. Sorry, I just realised now that showing you the n… n… nappy… that it was weird and wouldn’t have explained anything. Sorry. I’m… yeah… I’m not very good with people.” “Charlie has told me a lot about you. Never told me your name though. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I smiled at her, feeling that I could genuinely trust her. I mean what Amazon is going to wear nappies just to kidnap and adopt me? She… she was just as Charlie described her, especially the anxious part. “It’s nice to meet you too!” Her face lit up again. “I… she told you a lot about me?” “Yeah, she clearly feels a lot of regret regarding how things went. And then Madison…” “I heard what she did to you at your wedding. I’m glad she got what she deserved.” “How do you know…?” I asked. “That she was the one you were talking about before at the hall?” “Yeah…” I looked at her suspiciously. “Because… she reached out to me.” “She WHAT?” “Yeah, surprised me too. But she wanted to make amends for how she treated me. Told me what she had been through. And you know what? I genuinely believe she has changed. Obviously I still don’t want her in my life, but it was nice… I guess it was closure… sort of?” “I was hesitant to believe it at first, but apparently she was the one who alerted my friends that Charlie was… off.” “Is Charlie okay now? I heard you talk about her in your speech…” “She’s in a coma, but she should be fine when she wakes up. If she ever does…” “Can… Can I see her?” Honestly… it was like looking at a sad puppy. There was no way I could turn down her request, not with the look she was giving me right now. That’s when I had an idea. “I… look, I’ve still got work to do here. And I’m trusting you because Charlie trusts you. But I need someone to watch over her. I can’t guarantee she’ll be safe whilst I’m leading this protest, and I need someone to guard her. I trust the people taking care of her right now, but I have a feeling they’re going to be overwhelmed with littles being brought in, so Charlie needs someone dedicated to watching her. Think you can do that?” “I umm…” She looked nervous again. “At least go be with her, make sure she’s okay, and tell the Doctor there to watch out for retaliation?” “I think I can do that!” She said, sounding more optimistic now. “Thanks. Here, let me give you my number, you can contact me if anything happens with Charlie.” Nessa pulled out her phone and I quickly put my contact details onto it, before handing it back to her. “I can do that… thanks… Thanks for trusting me. I won’t fail you.” “Maybe if all of this works out… we could have a playdate?” I laughed as a figure suddenly appeared in the doorway. “I’d like dat!” Nessa replied. “LIV?” The figure in the doorway shouted. “Yeah?” I replied, as soon as I saw who it was. “Claire? You found me!” “Are… are you… okay?” Claire replied, slowly walking into the shop, nodding towards Nessa suspiciously. I think she was ready to attack the poor girl, so I quickly replied so she didn’t throw a right hook in Nessa’s direction. “Oh yeah, don’t worry, this is Vanessa. She’s Charlie’s old… friend.” “Is she?” Claire was still suspicious about the new Amazon woman sitting in front of me, and rightfully so. “Seriously. It’s fine. She’s going to go to the hospital on the other side of town, aren’t you Nessa?” “I think I know the one you’re talking about. The little’s recovery one, right?” “Yeah, ask the receptionist if you can speak to Eve. I’ll make sure to send Eve a message to let you in. They’re probably locking down as we speak, with everything going on.” “Liv, we need you at LIBRA.” Claire interrupted, sounding out of breath. “LIBRA? Seriously? Why would I go there?” I replied in disgust. “No one knew Chris’ true intentions or end goals, I assure you. We all genuinely want to improve things. But right now we’re leaderless. We need someone to take charge. We need… you.” “But you’re much better at running and organising things, Claire. You’ve been Chris’ right hand woman this whole time.” “I’m no leader, Liv. Please… come with me.” I knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so I exhaled heavily in frustration and looked back at Nessa. “Fine. Nessa, are you going to be okay? I can trust you, right?” I asked the anxious Amazon woman. As she nodded and smiled at me, I could feel how sincere she was about wanting to help. And if she was as close to Charlie as my wife had made out, then I think she’ll keep her safe, no matter what. I mean she knocked out a police officer to save me, and she barely knows me! “Let’s go. It was nice meeting you, Vanessa.” Claire said as she reached over and grabbed me, picking me up and carrying me out of the store as I waved back to my newest acquaintance. ======================================================= Oh look... someone new! Or not quite new... At least someone we haven't seen before! Not properly anyway! This was one of my fave chapters to write. Little in Love 2 only has a small handful of chapters left on my SubscribeStar, then I'll be posting my next Monstrum story on there. I'm still in the middle of writing that, but when I've finished it, I'll be starting one of two stories I've got planned. Either Witch in Training 2 (which will probably be the last littlefallenverse story, at least for a while)... or a secret independent story that isn't part of either of my universes. Maybe I'll ask what people want most, maybe I'll wait and see which I'm feeling more confident about writing, either way I'll keep you all updated when I've finished writing my current story! If you haven't seen, I'm now up and running on Subscribestar! (Sorry for the reminder again, trying to get my subscribers back after the Patreon rubbish!) Hoping to start the new SubscribeStar exclusive short stories with a trial run in January! if the first commission goes well, I'll see how many I can handle per month (thinking about 2 per month. These stories won't be posted here at all.) ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my patrons for their support over the past couple of years! Seriously, your support meant the world to me, and I hope to be set up somewhere new soon. New chapters of Little in Love 2 every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

What in the abdl world does nothing for you? For me it's diaper porn. I love girls in diapers, but add sex to the mix and I'm out. Oh, and as someone who has to review every image posted to diapermates.... poop and dick pics. Ruining my morning coffee for 15 years lol

Welcome to the first "Side Chapter" to the story. I do want to give some warning for the content ahead. This chapter was one of the hardest things I've ever had to write, and it's not an easy read. I would recommend not reading this in a negative headspace, as the content inside is...well it's a lot. I would understand if you need to take a break reading through it, 'cause I had to take quite a few just to finish it. I do hope you're able to finish it though, because despite the dark subject matters within, there's a part of the story that is somewhat beautiful, like the calm in the middle of the storm. Just remember one thing while reading: at the end of a long night, the sun will rise once again. Thank you for reading. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Side Chapter: Prologue - A Fateful Encounter (CW: Homophobia, Transphobia, Domestic Abuse, Parental Abuse, Slurs, Blood, Deadnaming, Violence) April 8th, 2021. 10:38pm “What. The. Fuck. You’re a fucking dude?!?” Shit, I thought I locked the bathroom door. Johnny stands at the entrance, rage emanating from his pores. All I needed to do was take a shower, and wash the stress of the day from my body. I barely managed to remove my pants before my boyfriend barged his way in. The look on his face is one I know all too well; one of bigoted disgust. I guess we’re not doing date night. I wanted to take things slow with us, having refused to show him my body, afraid of this exact situation. It’s just like before…with HIM. I don’t want to go back there, but my mind refuses to heel, bringing me back to that day. *** “Dad, please!!! I’m still the same person, I…” I’m cut off by the glass bottle being chucked at me from across the room. Pain shoots through my shoulder blade, and I reflexively move my hand to stop the bleeding, managing to dig a shard deeper inside. I pull my hand back, covered in crimson. “I’m not going to have some sort of faggot freak for a son! Get the fuck out!” There’s no room for discussion. That same rage and disgust, reserved for the ‘degenerates’, was now focused directly on me. I turn to Mom, tears welling in my eyes, hoping that she can help me out here. “Mom, please, can you try and talk sense into him?!? You know me! Please, Mom.” She doesn’t look at me, but I can tell she’s crying. “Ricky, you should leave,” she briefly glances my way before returning her eyes to the floor. “Please, before you make things worse.” I fall to my knees, utterly defeated. Dad gets up from his ratty-ass leather chair and goes to the back door. “I’m going for a smoke. You have 5 minutes. If you’re still here by the time I’m back, I’ll bury you in the yard!” He makes his exit, Mom following suit. The door closes behind her, and I can hear the sounds of a shouting match between them. I can’t make out the words, but I understand the emotions: rage, sorrow, bitterness. I don’t need to be told twice. I march my way over to the front door, slamming it shut. I run to my car, pulling the keys out of my pocket and unlocking the door as quickly as I can manage. My shaky keys fumble with the ignition, desperate to get out of this place. I drive. I’m not sure where, or for how long, but I drive. In my autopilot, I must have ended up in the empty parking lot of the old gas station, long since closed down. I twist the key, turning off the ignition. I’m finally able to return to my senses. The pain in my shoulder, adrenaline having worn off, throbs intently, the large shard of glass sticking out. I reach over one of the many boxes inside the car and open up the glove box. I pull out a small red box; an emergency first-aid kit. Opening it up, I pull out a pair of tweezers, a large band-aid, and some peroxide. Tweezers in hand, I take hold of the shard, preparing myself for the following anguish. “FUUUCK!!!” The glass dislodges from my body, blood trickling down my shoulder. I quickly pour the peroxide onto the wound. At first, nothing seems to happen, but then, perhaps the worst pain I’ve ever endured shoots through my body. I drop the bottle, the contents spilling over my jeans, and I clench my teeth. “ARGH!” I don’t have time to stop though, and I hurriedly put the band-aid over the top of the gash. The band-aid doesn’t hold out for long, blood pushing through the cotton wick, so I pull out a second one, replacing the used bandage. “That’ll have to do for now.” I think to myself, hoping the bandage will at least protect the wound from infection. I reach back into the glove box, pulling out my hidden pack of cigarettes. “How disgusting. They’re even the same brand as that bastards” I light the tip and inhale, hoping that something, anything would make me feel better. But it doesn’t. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, the sobs echoing through the interior. “I’ve…lost everything.” I release my emotions, letting out a blood-curdling scream, as loud and for as long as my lungs allow. I cry, I wail, I lament. “It’s dark now.” That’s all I can think, looking at the night sky. “But…it’s beautiful.” The stars are shining brightly, unobscured in the dead of night. I take a look at the moon, radiant in its crescent form. It…gives me hope. “I don’t need them. I can live my life just fine without them in it.” Out of all the pain and turmoil that today had brought, I did gain something, something irreplaceable. I was finally free. I could be…me. *** That same pain, one of rage and shame, bubbles up inside me. I walk over to Johnny, jabbing my finger into his chest. “I AM NOT A ‘FUCKING DUDE’, I’M A FUCKING WOMAN!” I let my words drip with venom. I don’t care if I’ve been dating him for 2 months, I won’t let anybody talk to me like that. “Oh really? Could’ve fooled me with that cock between your legs!” His unwarranted anger only adds fuel to my own fire. “I told you before I moved in that I was different! Too bad you spent all that time looking at my ass. Perhaps if you paid more attention, you would’ve fucking noticed!” I continue to press into him, until he grabs my hand, bending my wrist back. “LET GO OF ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Keeping hold of my hand, he tosses me out of the bathroom. I land on my ass with a thud, getting rug burn across my upper thighs. “By weird, I thought you meant all your Wiccan crap, not that you were some kind of freak!” Freak. Freak. Freak! That fucking word! I don’t even register getting to my feet or marching up to him. Only when my palm makes contact with his face, the slap hitting his mouth, do I even realize what I’ve done. He looked stunned, like nobody had ever dared to hit him before. I hold my hand in front of my face, appalled by my actions. “Johnny…I…” His fist barrels into my abdomen, and I bend over, falling to the floor. I gasp, trying to regain the air that had been sucked into my lungs. “You fucking bitch! I can’t believe I ever let you suck me off!” I wish I could say something witty, something clever, maybe some remark about his small dick, but I can’t. I’m unable to catch my breath. I struggle to just barely breathe. He grabs me by the hair, dragging me to the front door. I can some hair follicles pulling from my scalp, sending my pain receptors into overdrive. Despite the pain, all I can manage to let out between ragged exhales are small yelps. He tosses me out into the hallway, my head banging against the wall of the apartment complex. I see stars for a moment, unable to notice my bag flying towards my face. It hits its intended mark, one of the rounded spikes poking into the flesh just below my eye. “Fu…fucking dick…” My vision clears enough to see him standing behind the door, vitriol in his eyes. “We’re done. Stay the fuck away from me, queer!” He slams the door shut, locking it behind him. Fuck…fuck, I can’t stay here. The noise must have awoken at least some of the neighbors, and I don’t want them to see me like this; bruised up and pantsless. I grab my purse, running as fast as my battered legs can manage, going through the entrance and exiting into the city street. Where am I going? Where can I even go? I make my way down the sidewalk, my bare feet crunching the loose bits of debris and trash beneath them. I wish I hadn’t left my car at work. I make it a few blocks down the road, the lamplight giving me just enough ability to see, without allowing me to know where I am. I’m new to the city, only having moved here a couple of months back to start my new job, so I have no idea where I am right now. I could be in the absolute safest part of the city, or it could be the opposite. I have no way of telling which. But in my current state, I hope it’s not the latter. I’m an easy target right now. I can feel my legs start to tire, the panicked rush from earlier having subsided. I don’t think I can go on much longer. I spot an alleyway to my right, looking like a relatively safe spot for me to catch my breath. I lean against the wall, letting my body sink to the cold, damp concrete, sending a chill through my body. I open up my bag, pleading to the gods that I left my phone inside. I fumble my hand around through the dark, hoping to feel the glass of the screen somewhere inside. I eventually find it, quickly pulling it out and hitting the power button. The screen flickers to life, but my heart drops. 1% battery life. As quickly as the light illuminated the space around me, my beacon of hope died, trapping me in the surrounding darkness once more. Why? Why does this always happen to me? Why do I allow people to get close to me, only to get hurt in return? I thought I didn’t need anyone, but the pain inside my heart tells me a different story. I need somebody, anybody, who will just accept me. That’s all. Not love, not adoration, but acceptance. But they won’t. They never do. I curl up, resting my head in my knees, for comfort, and for warmth. Suddenly, I’m that 18-year-old girl again, getting kicked out of the house, abandoned by the ones who were supposed to love her. I cry out into the night, taking at least some small comfort that nobody is around to see me break down. I’m so disgusting. *** Next time Andrew wants to ‘meet a client for drinks’, he can at least pick a spot with decent parking. I exit the quaint establishment into the chilly evening air, pulling my scarf tight across my neck to keep warm. It hadn’t been a total lie; we did meet a client, and the two manchildren did partake in more than a few drinks, but I had hoped to at least discuss our plans for the quarterly budget. Instead, I spent the evening watching my colleague downing shots with a man old enough to be my father. If I wanted to see a bunch of grown-ass men acting like frat boys, I could’ve done so on TV, from the comfort of home. After dodging their 5th attempt to get me to drink with them, I had finally found an excuse worthy of my exit. “Sorry, I have to be up in the morning, there’s a doctor’s appointment I have to make.” A total fib, but at least it got me out of there. I have a rare day off tomorrow, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to spend it nursing a hangover. I continue walking down the city street, thinking of all the ways I can spend my time relaxing. Maybe I’ll go out to the movies, or treat myself to a little shopping trip. I wonder if Alex and Jessica are free. Maybe we can have a little playtime. I turn right on the block, and my train of thought is thrown off track. I can hear a series of strange noises ahead of me. Is that…is someone crying? I follow the sound down the street, coming up to an alley on my left. It’s definitely coming from here. “Hello? Is someone there?” Some part of my mind thinks this could be a bad idea. I mean, who would be crying in an alley this late at night? Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me. Or maybe it was just a street cat, crying out in hunger. I don’t get to wonder for too long though, as my question is soon answered. “GO THE FUCK AWAY!” That voice…it’s in such pain. I pull my phone out of my pocket, turning the flashlight on, and lighting up the area. A few feet from where I’m standing, I can see the source of the cries; a young woman, curled on the ground with tears coming from her eyes. You heard her, you should just leave her alone. This isn’t any of your business. But I take a closer look at her. She is not okay. Just looking at her face, I can see a large welt under her eye, having turned a nasty shade of purple. Her legs, tightened up around body, are covered in bruises and abrasions. Her bare feet, having turned white from the cold, are adorned with cuts along the bottom. What in the hell happened to her? I barely took a step forward before she pushed her body further back into the dark alley. “Stay away from me!” This isn’t normal. It’s a trauma response. I hold my hands out in front of me, trying to convey that I mean no harm. “Hey, it’s okay! I’ll stay right where I am. There are better places than an alley to rest, you know,” The girl looks me up and down, trying to determine if I’m a threat. “What’re you doing out here sweetie? You’re certainly not dressed for the cold.” I was underexaggerating. I can see her trying to hold back her shivers, the lone shirt around her body not being nearly enough to keep warm in the daytime, let alone a night like this. “That’s…none of your business.” She wraps her arms around her legs, keeping her guard up. “That might be, but I’m here now, so it has sort of become my business, wouldn’t you say?” She doesn’t respond, but I can see her arms loosen a bit, becoming a bit more relaxed towards my presence. “Would you mind if I take a seat next to you?” The shivering woman raises a brow at my request, not having expected that one. “It’s a free country. Do what you want.” I slowly make my way into the passage. Getting within a couple of feet of her, I begin to kneel, careful to leave enough space between us to not threaten the poor thing. She flinches slightly as I sit down, but doesn’t back away. “How about I introduce myself? I’m Emma, nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out, offering a simple handshake that she doesn’t return. She just stares at me, like I’m some sort of strange creature. “Roxie…” Well, at least she’s talking. That’s a start. “It’s nice to meet you, Roxie. It looks like you’ve had a rough night. My car is right up the road. Can I take you somewhere? Do you have a place to stay?” Her tears return, a sniffle coming out of her nose. “No, my…my ex and I just…broke up,” From her current state, I can tell this was more than a simple lovers quarrel. My blood boils just thinking about what that man could have done to her, but I remain calm and focus on listening to her. “He…called me a freak, and…I can’t go back there. I can’t…” She trails off. A freak? Why would he say such a cruel thing? From her appearance, I can see that she follows more of an…alternative lifestyle, the black of her clothing and hair contrasting with the paleness of her skin, but I certainly wouldn’t call her a freak. But then, things start to click. The subtle signs that people tend to miss; the lightness of a voice spoken from the throat rather than the chest, the way the shirt seems to cling around her form, the unusually small chest for someone her age, and it all begins to make sense. I see what happened. Poor thing. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” She looks away from me, staring down at the ground. “Can I call somebody for you? A friend, or a family member.” I’m caught off guard by a cynical chuckle escaping her lips. “No, I don’t have anyone like that. I’m new to the city, and my family…is out of the picture. I’m alone.” My heart breaks into pieces upon the confession. All alone, in a strange new city, and she still has the ability to laugh. “Well, Roxie, at least let me bring you to the hospital. You need to get those wounds taken care of.” She jumps to her feet, her arms wrapping around her waist. Damnit Emma, you pushed too far. “No!” For a second, I think she’s going to take off, and vanish into the night, but she calms down. “Sorry, just…I can’t go to the hospital. I…don’t have insurance at the moment.” This woman really can’t catch a break. What do I even do in this situation? I can’t just leave her here. The temperature will continue to drop, and with her attire, she’d surely freeze to death by morning. There’s only one thing I can think to do. I have to do this gently. I stand up and look into her eyes, shrouded in uncertainty and fear. I make sure the expression on my face is one of pure warmth, and I let my tone become gentle and calm. “Well, I have a first-aid kit back at my place, and my guest bedroom is currently unoccupied. How about I get you fixed up, you can get some sleep, and we can figure this out in the morning. Don’t worry, the door has a lock on it, so you’ll have some privacy.” Her mouth is agape, perhaps unable to comprehend what she just heard. “Why? Why are you doing this? I’m a total stranger. I could be a psychopath, or some kind of criminal. Why would you go so far for someone you just met in an alley?” I slowly reach my hand out. I can see her foot shift a bit, wondering if some sort of assault is coming her way, but she stays in place. She keeps her eyes on me, not exactly trusting me yet, but at the same time, no longer afraid. I place my hand on her shoulder, lightly resting it there. “Why do I need a reason to help someone in need? If I just left you here in the cold, what sort of monster would I be? I help because I can. There’s nothing more to it.” You could say I’m more than a little surprised when I feel her move forward, leaning into my chest. I wrap an arm around her, rubbing concentric circles along the small of her back. “It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re not alone now, Roxie.” I can feel her shivering vibrate my body, so I hold her close, trying to provide my body heat to the cold, sobbing mess. The embrace lasts for a few moments longer, the girl gently pulling away from me. “Sorry, you must think I’m strange, hugging you like that.” I let out a light laugh, and move my arms around my neck. I take off my scarf, wrapping it around her to keep her warm. “It’s alright, I don’t mind,” I hold out my hand, and with a moment's hesitation, she takes it. “Now let’s get out of this place before you catch a cold.” *** The car ride is filled with silence, neither one of us quite sure what to say. I focus on the road, not wanting to stress the girl out with any undue words. I can see her leg tapping about restlessly in the passenger seat from the corner of my eye. It’s but a few moments later that I reach my destination, pulling into my driveway. I unbuckle my seatbelt and step out the door, into the chilly night. It dropped fast. I’m glad I got her out of there when I did. I can hear Roxie stepping out of the passenger side as I make my way up the pathway, turning around as I reach the door, waiting for her to catch up. She makes her way over to me, her hand holding onto her arm in a nervous state. I open the door, flicking the light switch on as I step into my warm abode. Home, sweet home. I make my way inside, tilting my head back to see her standing outside the doorway. “Don’t be shy, come on in,” She looks reluctant, but eventually takes a step, joining me into the living room. I close the door behind us, leaving the chill of the night behind. “Welcome to my place. It’s not much, but make yourself at home.” I can see her eyes darting around, taking in the unfamiliar sights. “It’s…it’s nice. Thank you for having me, I appreciate it.” I smile at her. “Don’t worry about it! Now, the bathroom is right down the hallway over there, first door on the right,” I point in the direction. “There’s a first-aid kit underneath the sink. I can give you a hand if you like. It’s up to you of course.” She glances my way, making the slightest bit of eye contact before looking back towards her feet. “I…I should be fine, thanks.” “Alright, well you take care of that, and I’ll find you some clothes to wear. There’s a shower in there as well. I’d recommend rinsing off before you try and disinfect, just to make sure there’s no grime left.” She seems to perk up at the sound of a shower. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you again, Emma. I don’t know how I’ll repay your kindness.” “Like I said, don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to repay. There are a few guest towels underneath the sink as well, and feel free to help yourself to any sundries you might need.” She opens her mouth, perhaps to thank me again, but settles for a nod, and makes her way to the bathroom. I can hear the click of the lock as the door closes behind her. I take a seat on the sofa, gathering my thoughts. This girl has been through a lot today. She must be completely exhausted. I can hear the sound of water running in the distance, and I remember that I have a job to do. I make my way to the guest bedroom and open up the closet door. I should be able to find something for her to wear here. Rummaging through the hangers and neatly folded piles of clothes, I come up with a suitable outfit; a plain t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Not the most luxurious look, but it’ll do. I return to the hallway, placing the folded clothes in front of the door. I can hear the faucet turn off, along with the sound of wet feet on tile. I give the door a quiet knock before speaking. “Roxie, I’m going to leave some clothes out here on the floor for you. I’ll be in the living room, just come out when you’re ready.” “Okay, thanks, Emma.” I walk back to the living room, taking my seat once more. I can hear the door open for a brief moment before closing just as quickly. Only a few minutes later, I hear the door open again, and Roxie enters from the hallway. Her wounds have been addressed, bandages covering the worst of them. The borrowed clothes are a bit baggy for her, but they look nice. “Well, you certainly clean up nice.” She blushes and flashes me with a smile. That’s the first time I’ve seen one from her tonight. “Thanks, I probably look better free from blood and dirt. Thank you again for…” She interrupts herself with a yawn. I look over to the clock, noticing the time. It’s late. We could both use some rest. “Why don’t I show you to the guest room so you can catch some sleep?” She nods her head, clearly tired from today's events. I get up from my spot and walk down the hallway with her in tow. We walk inside the room, the light still on from my previous visit. “It’s rather quaint, but the bedding is soft, and the sheets are fresh. I’m sure you’re tired, so I’ll leave you to rest.” I turn to walk out the door, but I’m stopped by her voice. “Wait!” I look at the girl, a panicked expression across her face. “Would you…stay with me for a bit, just until I fall asleep? I…don’t want to be alone right now.” Oh, you sweet, sweet thing. “Of course, whatever you need.” I watch her crawl beneath the covers, and I walk over to the bed, taking a spot on the foot of it. “Thank you, Emma, for everything…” A few moments later, I watch her eyes close, the exhaustion allowing her to pass out in the blink of an eye. That didn’t take long. I get up, careful not to wake the sleeping angel before me. I walk towards the door, flipping the light switch off, allowing the darkness to help her rest. “You’re welcome, Roxie. Sweet dreams,” I whisper before gently closing the door, leaving it cracked just a bit. I make my way to my own room, kicking my shoes off before flopping onto the mattress. I don’t even have time to get underneath the blanket before the sandman takes hold of me, drifting away into slumber. *** I awake to a knock at my door, my body shooting straight up, totally alert. I can hear a voice from the other side. “Emma, it’s Roxie. Thanks again for letting me spend the night.” Roxie…who… The memories of last night flood into me all at once. I decide to respond. “Of course. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’m sure you must be hungry.” “Alright, I will, thanks.” I can hear the footsteps fade away, and I let out a sigh. I’m glad she was able to sleep through the night. I grab my phone, still in my pocket, and check the time. 9:24am. Not quite a full 8 hours, but I’ll take it. Just then, a notification goes off, and I see a text from Alex. “Hey Em, you wanna come over? Jess is just dying to see you. XOXO.” I take a moment to reply. “Sorry, I can’t today. A lot happened last night, and a friend needs me right now. I’ll fill you in later.” I hit send and place my phone down on the bed. A friend. For some reason, that doesn’t feel quite right. I don’t know how to explain it, but in the brief period of time since I’ve met Roxie…I don’t know, I feel something. A connection. Stop, Emma. You can’t think like that, not right now. A friend is exactly what she needs right now. I get up from my bed, place my feet into my slippers, and make my way out the door. Making my way through the hallway, I can see Roxie sitting at the table, munching on a piece of bread with peanut butter on the top. I don’t know if that counts as breakfast, but I’m glad she’s eating something. She notices my entrance and gives me a smile, a bit of crumb on her lip. “Morning Emma.” “Good morning! Would you like some coffee? I make a mean brew.” “Sure thing. Lots of cream and sugar in mine, please.” She seems more upbeat today too. “No problem, it will just take a second.” I walk into the kitchen, looking back to see her scarf down the rest of her makeshift meal. I walk to the counter and begin preparing the pot. I sit there, watching the liquid drip through the filter, and think about the girl in my kitchen. No home, no family, and no friends. What is she going to do? What am I going to do? It’s not like I’ll just toss her out to fend for herself. I’ll offer the room to her for a few days, at least until she can get on her feet. No matter her answer, I’ll let her know that I’m here for her, and that she has a…friend she can rely on. Grabbing the mugs, one full of black coffee, the other sweetened to perfection, I walk back into the dining area to see the smile on her face, breathing in the scent of the heavenly bean water. As I look at her, a single thought runs through my mind: Why don’t I want her to leave?

I'm sorry it has taken so long to get this out. I may make a few corrections still, but I wanted everyone to know I have not given up the story. I will not give it up until I finish it. 03-20-24 Update: I fixed a lot of errors and improved the flow. Chapter 25 - Unexpected Addition Darlene's fingers drummed on the cold surface of her desk, her eyes staring blankly at the wall cluttered with sticky notes and IT reports. She still couldn't stop thinking about the meeting with Julian, which made her feel she was being trapped like an animal, desperately clawing for an escape. She wanted a way to vent this out of her system. Anger at Julian, Bryan, and Corporate about how they justified John’s response and pinned John's reckless behavior on her. She was only doing her job, trying to keep Avery safe just as she was asked to do. Their inability to keep their own employee safe from an ill-behaved employee who seems to have a record of issues with other employees somehow is now her fault, and there was nothing they could do but install dam security badges on each floor and entrance/exit. "Ugh," she muttered under her breath, grabbing her personal iPhone phone and swiping through her contacts. She needed someone to vent to, someone who would understand the pressure she was under and the injustice that was served to her. Laurisa and Ashley, her sisters, were always there for her in times like these. Her thumb hovered over their names before she pressed the call. The ringtone kept going on and on. "Come on, pick up," Darlene whispered, willing either of them to answer. But one by one, both calls went straight to voicemail. The weight of frustration settled heavily on her chest. "Damn it," she hissed, quickly typing out a text to both of them: 'I need to talk ASAP. Call me when you can. Really need my sisters right now.' She then proceeded to text her sisters again in desperation. “I really need one of you. I am about to lose it at work.” She sighed, locking her phone and placing it facedown on the desk. Alone with her thoughts, Darlene's mind raced back to the conversation with Julian. They just didn't understand that John was about to hurt Avery. If she let it go on, that is precisely what would have happened. He came up here in a fit of rage and was uncontrollable, yet somehow, she was expected to reign him in with calm and delicate talking. Avery had already finished his second cup of coffee and wanted to check on Darlene. He glanced down at his favorite coffee mug adorned with colorful Legos. Despite its sentimental value, it was covered in dark, crusty stains. Avery knew Darlene would see the mess and tease him. From the thought of this, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. So, he made his way to the communal kitchen, trying to ignore the uncomfortable bulkiness of his diaper underneath his sweatpants. In that moment, he longed for the simplicity of pull-ups, which were much easier to hide and more comfortable beneath clothing. It was a thought he never imagined he would have in his adult life. When Avery entered the kitchen area, a couple of employees were talking. Avery put his head down as he passed them by and went to the sink to wash his coffee mug. He could hear them discussing the new security measures. "Nice outfit," a voice jibed, breaking Avery's concentration. He looked down only to realize his shit was only half buttoned and showed his white shirt underneath, which was really his onesie; half his shirt was tucked into his pants, and the other half hanging out the sides of his pants. His face flushed as he looked up to see two of Darlene’s employees smirking at him. Avery turned away from them and faced the kitchen sink as he buttoned up his shirt as panic surged. Avery forced himself to remain calm. Surely, they didn't know about the diaper. Surely, Darlene hadn’t said anything to them, but Avery still felt exposed, as if they knew his secret. It didn’t matter; Avery couldn't help but feel self-conscious as the comment was made, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. He hated that he had to wear bulky diapers, and the onesie Darlene had bought for him only made him feel more exposed. Yet, it was necessary to keep his secret hidden. Their comments didn’t help him shake off the constant reminder of his vulnerability. The internal struggle between wanting to hide and needing to accept his new reality waged within him. After buttoning up and tucking in his shirt, Avery turned around to face his coworkers. “Thanks," Avery replied tersely. He tried his best to ignore the comment. Then he put the coffee mug in the sink and placed some soap in it. He began washing the outside and inside of the mug, making sure to remove any lingering stains or residue. While he rinsed his mug, he could hear the coworkers’ mumbling words, but he couldn’t make them out. His heart panicked, and he wanted out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Avery was paranoid because he just knew the coworkers were talking about him. When he finished cleaning his coffee mug, Avery walked over and knocked on the office door before entering. "Is everything okay, Darlene?" Avery asked cautiously, opening the door slowly and peering into the office. His eyes were filled with concern, but he kept a respectful distance, sensing her need for space. "Fine, Avery," she lied, forcing herself to smile. "Just dealing with some... management issues." She didn't want to burden him with her problems, especially considering the struggles he was already facing in the current environment. She knew all too well about his fragile state and the anxiety that plagued him. "Alright," he said hesitantly. “Do you mind if I grab another cup of coffee?” Avery held out his Lego coffee mug. Darlene just nodded and said, “Sure.” Her voice was dry and monotone—not the normal Darlene, and certainly not the one he met prior to this weekend at her house. Avery walked over to the Keurig and placed a K-cup in there labeled morning brew. He then went to the small office fridge and found his normal bottle of creamer labeled “Avery’s Creamer”. He turned to see if Darlene was watching, but she wasn’t. She was focused on either her email or her iPhone. He could feel her anxiety even though she was trying to hide it. Afterward, he poured his creamer into the coffee mug, set it on the Keurig, and pressed brew. Avery watched Darlene from behind. He wasn’t sure what to say. He knew this was all his fault, and she was hiding the real reason for her frustration. For some strange reason, he wanted to sit on her lap and hug her, but he refrained from doing it. She probably didn’t need a hug and would push him away right now. He was bad at reading people, and this wasn’t a time to try. Once the coffee was complete, Avery began to retreat back to his work. "If you need anything, though, I'm here." "Thank you, Avery," she whispered, grateful for his unwavering support. But right now, what she really needed was her sisters' advice. As Darlene tried to refocus on her work, she couldn't help but feel helpless, trapped within the confines of her own thoughts, the expectations of others, and the injustice she felt. Avery returned to his office to start working again, aware that he had changed the whole office atmosphere with the incident last Thursday. He couldn’t get over the feeling that everyone was looking at him, but he didn’t dare look up to see if he was right. As he sat down and sipped his coffee. Avery took a deep breath and tried to block out the distractions around him. It wasn’t long till Avery's fingers danced over the keyboard, the rhythmic tapping a soothing counterpoint to the chaos that had been swirling around him all morning. He finally had let go of the thoughts that the security cards were his fault, even though he could hear the whispers down the hallways and across the cubicles. He was able to immerse himself in his research on cell walls, seeking to understand better their structure and function for the drug interaction project he'd been assigned. The screen before him was filled with diagrams and molecular schematics, each more complex than the last. His heart pounded in his chest in excitement as he attempted to refocus on the task at hand, which he loved. He read that the cell wall lies outside the plasma membrane, which defines the boundaries of the cell itself. The wall is freely permeable to most molecules, but the membrane exhibits selective permeability, tending to concentrate specific dissolved molecules and ions inside the cell. This complicated the matter of how he could calculate the external and internal pressure effects on the cell wall, which he knew he needed to figure out to make these custom drugs effective. As he delved deeper into his research, Avery's thoughts wandered to Darlene, her own struggles weighing heavily on his mind. He wished there was more he could do to support her, but for now, all he could do was focus on his work and prove himself to be a valuable asset in their ongoing battle against cancer – and against the challenges they faced both within and beyond the walls of their workplace. A few hours passed as Avery's eyes darted between the lines of text on his computer screen, furiously absorbing every last bit of information about cell walls. The pressure of the onesie and diaper beneath his clothing weighed heavily on him today, a constant reminder of his vulnerability, but at this moment, this wasn’t what he was focused on. He clenched his jaw, determined not to let it hold him back. This whole day had not been what he had hoped to come back to. "Guess what, Avery?" A familiar voice cut through the tense silence, and he looked up to see Christy standing behind him in a pretty light blue work dress, the delicate light hugging her slender frame. Her hazel eyes sparkled with excitement as always. A hint of perfume lingered in the air, a subtle but alluring scent that added to her charm. She radiated energy and vitality as the always positive girl he had come to know. "Hey, Christy," Avery said, confused about why she was here since they didn’t have any time set up to work on anything together today. "What's going on? What are you doing here?" "Looks like we're about to be full-time work neighbors," she announced eagerly, gesturing to Bryan approaching with two boxes of office supplies in his arms. She grinned at Avery, her dimples deepening as she giggled in anticipation. "Really? That's great!" Avery forced a slight smile, though his mind raced with uncertainty. How would having a new coworker impact his already delicate situation? He didn’t want Christy to know about his diapers or, worse, about Darlene inspecting his diaper. Avery was also sure this had something to do with John, and once again, this was his fault in his mind. "Good morning, Avery," Bryan said. "I hope you don't mind us invading your space a little." "Of course not," Avery replied, trying to sound genuine but not so sure about this. "It'll be nice to have some company." Christy's enthusiasm seemed to be authentic as she started to grab one of the boxes from Bryan. "Is it okay if we put these boxes down on your desk for the moment until we know where I'm going to sit?" Christy asked, gesturing to the second box she held. "Sure," Avery managed to say, forcing a semi-fake smile onto his face. His thoughts churned like storm-tossed waves, threatening to pull him under. He really liked Christy but as an office mate. He wasn’t sure. "Here, let me help you with that," Avery offered, rising from his seat to take the box from Bryan’s hands before Christy could get to it. The box’s weight surprised him, and he nearly staggered under its bulk. “What in the world did she bring with her?” he thought to himself. He knew he should be grateful for the distraction her arrival provided—a brief respite from the relentless nagging feeling that all this was his fault—but in fact, it was just another reminder that it was his fault and another chance to be found out. "Thanks, Avery!" Christy beamed at him, her cheeks flushed with excitement. "I can't wait to get settled in." There again was her enthusiastic voice. In fact, she was glad to be getting away from John and his two cohorts. It would be much better to be close to Avery and help him program his mathematical solutions in the software. Avery couldn't help but feel a pang of envy at her carefree attitude—something he had lost touch with long ago. "Let's go see where Darlene wants to put you," Bryan said, leading the way toward the office door. Avery placed the box on his desk, still feeling the shock of Christy's unexpected move.” Want to come with us, Avery?” Bryan clapped Avery on the shoulder. Avery just nodded yes, stood up, and followed behind Bryan and Christy. He prayed that neither of them could see the bulk or hear the slight crinkly sounds of the diaper he was wearing. As they approached Darelene’s office, Avery thought to himself that he was honestly a little shocked that Darlene would have agreed to this. But then it dawned on him as they approached: Darlene probably didn’t know. She would have told him. Bryan's knuckles rapped against the closed door, and Avery couldn't help but hold his breath. He could envision the conversation that was about to take place - the confusion, frustration, and possibly even anger that would follow. A wave of guilt washed over him, knowing he was adding to Darlene's already stressful day. The door opened, revealing a puzzled Darlene, who took in the sight of Bryan and Chisty standing together and Avery standing behind them. Bryan smiled. “Good morning, Darlene. I am so grateful you agreed to this. I need to know where you plan to let Christy sit," Bryan smiled. "What? No one told me about Christy coming up here," Darlene replied, both surprised and upset. Her gaze flicked to Avery, who felt he'd been caught red-handed, even though he'd had no part in the decision and no clue about it ahead of time. Avery quickly interjected, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on him. "I apologize, Darlene. This caught me off guard as well. I had no idea Christy would be joining us until just now." "Didn't Julian tell you?" Bryan asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "We're moving Christy up here for her protection away from John." Bryan watched as he read Darlene’s puzzled and upset facial expressions. “I thought Julian had already discussed this with you. He told me he was going to talk to you this morning." Bryan said hastily, trying to defuse the tension. "It's just a temporary arrangement." “Temporary by what means?! Till you get, John fired?!” Darlene quickly responded in anger. As the conversation continued, Avery became increasingly distracted by the warmth of his body and the confines of the onesie he wore beneath his clothes. He tried to focus on keeping his breathing steady, but his heart raced, fueled by anxiety and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability, as he stood there feeling helpless to control this situation. Avery's heart clenched as a stepped back up against the back wall of Darlene’s office. He listened to the heated exchange between Darlene and Bryan just beyond his cubicle. He could feel the tension thicken in the air, and a knot formed in his stomach. It was apparent that Darlene wasn't happy about this unexpected change, especially since she had yet to be consulted first. He hated tense situations and never did good with them. "An IT department isn't the place for Christy," Darlene argued, her voice rising with frustration. "This isn’t a research center dedicated to some magical DNA cancer treatments and a hideout for employees who are afraid of your troublemakers." He couldn't help but empathize with Darlene's plight – she'd taken him under her wing when no one else would, and now it seemed her generosity was being taken advantage of. "Look, I understand your concerns," Bryan attempted to soothe her, his tone measured and calm. Avery's heart raced as he heard Bryan acknowledge Darlene's concerns. His anxiety increased, and he felt a sudden need to pee. "We know it's not ideal," Bryan said, "but we're worried about Christy's safety with John and his friends harassing her. With the new security badge system causing tensions, we need to take precautions." The mention of John made Avery's bladder twinge even more, but he tried to ignore the urge to use the bathroom. He wanted to be present for this conversation in case his name came up, though his body protested against his will. Plus, he was trapped inside Darlene’s Office with Bryan and Christy blocking the way. "Christy is the last person I'm taking in from your department," Darlene snapped, her voice raised so that anyone nearby could hear it. "You can't expect me to house your whole R&D center just because you can't control John and his fucking behavior." It took all of Darlene’s emotion and resolve not to slam the door on them. Avery winced at the outburst, clenching his thighs together instinctively. He could no longer deny the pressure building in his bladder, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the room. It felt like a choice between preserving his dignity, staying informed, and not looking like he didn’t care about what happened with Christy, and he didn't know which option was more terrifying. "Darlene, we would appreciate your help and understanding in this matter," Bryan replied, his voice tense but controlled. "We'll find a solution to the John issue as soon as possible." Darlene couldn't help but roll her eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. She knew that the solution was to ignore it and pretend like it would never happen again. Plus, they wanted to make an example out of her for office violence. Avery's mind raced, trying to formulate a plan. Should he try to slip away now or risk embarrassment by waiting too long? The sudden silence in the room interrupted his thoughts, signaling that the discussion had temporarily ended. Panic gripped him as he realized he'd missed his chance to escape unnoticed. "Get it together, Avery," he thought, forcing himself to focus on his work. "You've faced worse situations before." "Please, just let me make it through this," he silently prayed. "I can't afford another slip-up." The air in the office seemed to thicken as the silence continued. Then Darlene's voice reverberated off the walls again, her anger palpable. Avery, already on edge from desperately needing to use the restroom, felt his heart rate spike at the sudden outburst. His grip on his own self-control wavered, and in that moment of terror, he lost the battle. Warmth spread through the diaper between his legs, rapidly soaking up the unexpected release. Avery's cheeks burned with humiliation, and he tried to shift his body to the side of the door frame, trying to hide any evidence of his accident. The bulky padding now felt even more intrusive, a constant reminder of his failure to keep control. Christy, oblivious to the situation unfolding just a few feet away, had been observing the heated exchange with wide eyes. When she finally glanced over at Avery, she noticed him standing uncomfortably and shifting his posture, a pained expression etched across his face. Concern filled her, and she hurried over to check on him. "Hey, are you okay?" Christy whispered close to Avery, genuine worry in her voice. Avery forced a tight-lipped smile and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He didn't want to draw any more attention to himself, especially with everyone on edge and arguing. It took all of his willpower to keep his gaze focused on Bryan and Darlene. "Alright, if you need anything, just let me know," Christy whispered close to him, puzzled by Avery's behavior. Darlene finally let out a long sigh, her frustration dissipating slightly. "Fine," she relented, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "But this is the last time, Bryan. I can't keep taking in people from other departments just because management can't control their employees." "Thank you, Darlene," Bryan said gratefully. "I promise we'll work on finding a more permanent solution." As the conversation drew close, Avery wanted to waddle back to his office and sit in his chair, defeated yet again, but he was wet and needed a change into a fresh diaper before he accidentally leaked. It wasn't that he had anything against Christy - quite the opposite, in fact. But the prospect of having someone so close to him, someone who could potentially discover his secret, filled him with dread. He felt a tear start to swell up around his eyes. "Get a grip, Avery, don’t start to cry now," he muttered under his breath as he felt the warmth of his diaper as it swelled up around his crotch. "Alright," Darlene relented, sighing. Christy, you'll be two desks down from Avery." "Thanks, Darlene," Christy said nodding gratefully, walking back to her new spot to begin unpacking her belongings. Avery watched from the corner of Darlene’s door, not moving till everyone left. Avery then slipped towards Darlene's desk, heart pounding in his chest. The shame hung heavy in the air around him, making it difficult to breathe. "Darlene, I..." he choked out, his voice barely above a whisper. "I had another accident” as a tear slide down his face and his head hung low. "Did you bring a spare diaper in your backpack?" Darlene asked gently; concern etched across her face as she realized the argument was stressful for the boy. "Y-yes," Avery stammered, avoiding her gaze. "Alright, go get it, then." Avery wiped his tears before he left the room. Darlene got up and started closing the blinds to her office and waited for him to return. Avery quickly picked up his backpack, not paying attention to Christy, who was watching him walk back to Darelen’s office with it. When he came back with his backpack, she locked the door behind them. "Sit down," Darlene instructed, gesturing to the chair by her desk. Avery did as he was told, trying to keep his composure while his mind raced. Darlene's gentle yet firm voice offered advice, "Next time, try to remain calm. Perhaps you could practice some breathing exercises and visualize a happy place. There are some helpful apps for that." She reminded him that he couldn't let these incidents occur frequently, or others might start to question them. "I know," Avery mumbled, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He tried to focus on the patterns in the carpet beneath his feet, but his thoughts kept intruding, taunting him with images of his coworkers' reactions if they ever found out. "Okay, let's get you changed," Darlene perked up but kept her tone professional as she opened a drawer and the supplies she brought with her this morning. "And when we're done, we both need to get back to work." "Right," Avery agreed, his voice barely audible. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself for yet another diaper change. He opened his backpack, pulled out his only spare diaper, and handed it to Darlene. It felt odd to be offering this exchange. Darlene spread out a large towel on the office floor, careful to smooth out any wrinkles. She then carefully arranged a few essential items: a package of baby wipes and a bottle of sweet-smelling baby powder. As he watched her, he couldn't help but feel his cheeks flush with embarrassment at the thought of using such items for their intended purpose. But Darlene didn't seem fazed at all, simply going about her business with a calm and confident demeanor. He couldn't help but be grateful for her as he didn’t realize this was her maternal instinct at play here. "Alright, lay down on the soft towel so I can change you into a fresh, clean diaper," Darlene instructed gently as she patted the towel. He couldn't help but feel a tingling sense of awareness and fear creeping over him, not because of Darlene but because Christy was just outside, within earshot. He could imagine her giggling if she knew his predicament. As he got up off the chair, he began to unzip his pants and step out of them, revealing the bottom of his onesie. “Do I take this off?” he asked confused. Darlene looked up at him, as she was already on her knee. “No need; the snaps are made for easy access just as I did before. Now, come on and lay down.” She patted the towel. The humiliation of these diaper changes had become all too familiar, yet a small part of him craved the comfort they provided and the attention he got from Darlene. Avery placed his pants on the chair and laid on the large towel. As Darlene leaned over to him, Avery closed his eyes and focused on the slow rise and fall of his chest. The shame still clung to him like a second skin, but he resolved to push past it and told himself to return and concentrate on his work when this was done praying Christy wouldn’t find out. He felt Darlene unbuttoned the onesie as he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, focusing on the patterns within the acoustic tiles. "Do I have to have the baby powder again?" he asked, hoping for the answer ‘no’ as he continued to stare up. Darlene looked down at him and replied, her tone firm but gentle. "As I said before, it's necessary to prevent diaper rash, so just trust me." He sighed, knowing she was right. But it didn't make the process any less mortifying. He heard the tapes unfasten from his diaper as she pulled the front end of the soaked diaper off, exposing him. He then lifted his hips as she slid the wet diaper from underneath him and then slid a new, fresh, disposable diaper into its place. He gritted his teeth as she applied the cold otion and baby powder, feeling exposed and vulnerable beneath her touch. He tried to connect the dots on the ceiling, hoping he wouldn’t get erect from her gentle touch on his sensitive parts. He could smell the heavy scent of baby powder in the air as it was applied to him. "Almost done," Darlene murmured, fastening the fresh diaper and then pulling the onesie in place, snapping the crotch back together. She helped him sit up, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. “You're doing great, Avery. Just remember to breathe and stay calm when you get nervous. Maybe you can prevent this future." After Darlene finished helping him, he quietly said a grateful "thank you." As Avery stood up, Darlene's hand almost reached out to pat his bottom, but she stopped herself, realizing what she was about to do. He then pulled his pants back on, feeling the added bulk of a new, fresh diaper underneath his onesie and trousers. "Of course," she replied, reassuringly squeezing his shoulder. "Now, let's get back out there and show them what you’re made of." It was almost as if she was giving encouragement to a boy not a young man. The embarrassment weighed heavily, but he couldn't afford to wallow in it. Suppressing a shudder, he picked up his backpack like he was about to head home and brought it back to his office. "Focus, Avery," he silently urged himself, knowing Christy was just outside Darlene’s office setting up her new desk. You can't change what happened, but you can keep it from happening again. You are smarter than this, stronger than this." He told himself as he did his best to hold back a tear. With that, he exited the office, determined to put the incident behind them and move forward with their day. A cacophony of thoughts raced through Avery's mind as he tried to drown out the sounds of Christy unpacking her belongings nearby. Christy glanced up from her unpacking, her gaze lingering on the closed blinds of Darlene's office. Curiosity piqued, she watched Avery return with his backpack, his body language tense and uneasy. The door clicked shut behind him, and Christy couldn't help but wonder if he was in trouble for something. "Is everything okay?" Christy asked genuine concern in her voice. "Everything's fine," Avery replied, trying to sound casual. "Just a minor issue." "Alright then," Christy said, nodding slowly as she returned to setting up her desk. Avery settled back at his desk, praying that the walls of the office had been thick enough to keep their secret safe. He focused on his research, determined not to let his anxiety get the better of him. Avery's heart raced as he returned to his desk again and slowly started to settle down, the scent of baby powder clinging to him like a cloak. Sitting down and looking at the computer, he did his best, trying not to draw attention to himself. Christy glanced at him from her new workstation; curiosity continued to be etched on her face. She didn’t feel like Avery was being straight with her and something was wrong. "Hey, Avery, can I pick your brain about this problem I'm working on that has your formulas?" she asked, strolling over with a notepad in hand. "I could use a fresh perspective." "Sure, let me take a look," Avery replied, attempting to calm his nerves. He was starting to focus on the equations before him, finding solace in their complexity. Avery began to explain the purpose and reasoning behind the equations. As they delved deeper into the project, Christy leaned in closer, her nose wrinkling delicately at a familiar scent. Soft notes of baby powder wafted toward her, causing her to pause and comment, "You smell like... baby powder?" Avery's muscles tensed when he heard the words. He struggled to maintain his composure. Sweat prickled at the back of his neck as he hastily responded, "Oh, uh, it's just a new laundry detergent." He prayed that she would accept his flimsy excuse. "It's supposed to be good for sensitive skin." "Ah, I see," Christy mused, raising her eyebrows with a hint of skepticism. She didn't press the matter further, but Avery could tell she was still puzzled by his choice of scent. The faint aroma of baby powder lingered in the air around them, mixing with the heady scent of coffee from their nearby cups. Avery quickly explained why he did what he did with the calculations that Christy was asking about. Christy finally agreed to his method. “it will be tricky to program, but I think I can figure something out.” She smiled. A wave of relief washed over Avery as Christy walked back with the notes she had taken and sat back down at her desk. They both separately drove back to their work. His mind whirred with calculations and possible solutions, grateful for the distraction from his earlier ordeal. Meanwhile, Darlene finally connected with her sister, Laurisa, on the phone when she called her back. She was eager to vent about the day's events and seek their advice. “Finally, you call me back. What took you so long?” Darlene exclaimed in a panicked and upset voice, feeling slightly neglected by her sister's delayed response. "Sorry, I was at the police department for new clients. They needed me to review their cases and complete all the necessary paperwork." Laurisa replied, her tone a bit strained as she became defensive of her own important work. Darlene could hear the exhaustion and frustration in her sister's voice and immediately regretted her initial outburst. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to imply that your work isn't important, too." She apologized sincerely, understanding the demands of her sister's job. “Darlene paused, trying not to cry from the stressful day. “I just really need my sisters, and I can’t talk about it here. I know it is short notice, but can we all meet up for dinner tonight? I really need to talk to you girls about what's been happening at work. I am about to lose it." Darlene said, her voice strained with frustration. "Of course," Laurisa agreed, concern evident in her tone. "We'll be there for you, sis. Just tell us where and when." "Great. Let's meet at that Greek place we love around four pm if that isn’t too early. It is the only way I think we will get any reservations this late in the week." Darlene suggested, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “No problem, I can get out of work early, and I am sure Ashley can too. Her work hours are generally not till late in the day.” Laurisa and Darlene both laughed. “I will make reservations for the three of us,” Laurisa replied. Darlene thought for a second. If they were going to leave work early, she needed to take Avery with her to ensure his protection. “No, make it four.” She paused. “I am going to bring Avery, the one I talked about previously.” “Oh really? It will be interesting to meet him,” Laurisa said. “First, you can’t Psychoanalyze the boy. The poor boy is confused enough as it is.” “Okay, I won’t. At least I won’t out loud. My job is to psychoanalyze people, and I can’t just turn it off,” Laurisa giggled. With that, Darlene hung up the phone, grateful for her sisters' unwavering support. As Avery and Christy continued work separately with only one empty desk between them, he found himself growing more comfortable in her presence, forgetting about the scent of baby powder. The earlier tension seemed to dissipate, replaced by the shared language of numbers and logic. For now, at least, his secret remained safe. About an hour later, Darlene came out of her office to talk to Avery. Christy looked up. Darlene was quick to the point. “Avery, I am going to leave work early at 3:30 pm today to have an early dinner with my sisters. With everything that has happened today and last week, I want you to leave with me and come to dinner. I just want to make sure your safe when I am not around. I don’t yet trust the badge system.” Avery looked up to see that in her expression, “No” wasn’t an answer Darlene would accept; however, it would be nice to leave before Christy so he would not have to worry about being caught in the elevator with his diaper on. Plus, lunch with Darlene last week was a wonderful break from fast food. “Sure, just give me five minutes heads up to wrap everything up.” Darlene nodded as she walked over to Christy and began talking to her. Darlene wanted to apologize for her previous behavior, saying she was taken off guard and that it wasn’t her fault she was so upset. Christy's face lit up with a radiant smile as she looked up at Darlene and they began to talk, her hazel eyes sparkling with warmth and excitement as they always seem to do. Avery couldn't help but steal a glance at her, his heart clenching as he watched her chat animatedly with Darlene, possibly about her new workspace. He couldn’t help but wonder if they were talking about him, and the thought made his stomach churn with nervousness. Despite his desire to join in on their conversation, Avery stayed rooted in his seat, feeling left out and unsure of what they were discussing. He couldn't take his eyes off Christy, who seemed genuinely thrilled about something. As Darlene and Christy shook hands, Avery pretended to be focused on his work, trying not to eavesdrop. When Darlene approached him with a smile and an air of excitement, Avery couldn't help but feel a surge of anxiety. "Guess what, Avery," she said, practically bouncing with anticipation. He looked up at her, trying to act surprised by her sudden appearance. "What?" he asked eagerly. "Christy will be joining us for dinner!" Darlene announced gleefully. Avery tried to hide his nerves, but it was clear from the way his hands shook that he was taken aback. "I-I mean, that's great," he stuttered, attempting to sound enthusiastic. "I just wasn't expecting it." Darlene looked confused by his reaction. "I thought you would enjoy her company," she said innocently. Avery nodded quickly, trying to play it cool. "I do, I do. It's just...surprising." Inside, he was brimming with questions about what had just transpired between them and whether or not Christy knew about him wearing diapers. But outwardly, he put on a mask of composure and simply replied, "Christy is a wonderful person." "Perfect, Christy will join us at the restaurant around 4 pm," Darlene said with a hint of hesitation. She couldn't shake off the feeling that she had made a mistake by inviting her. However, with John lurking around and keeping a watchful eye on her was her duty. It seemed necessary to have invited her for safety. With a sigh, Darlene headed back to her office to wrap up the day's work. The anticipation of meeting her sisters and sharing all the events of the day filled her with some comfort. As she finished her work and shut down her computer, she could already picture herself sitting at the restaurant table, laughing and exchanging stories with her sisters, who were her best friends.

Chapter 4 --- The next day Sarah approached Kate with a shy smile. "I was thinking... I think I can spend the night at your house next weekend. We don’t have that… thing … with my family." Kate’s heart leaped into her throat, not believing that Sarah had said yes, but now that the moment was here, the reality of it felt overwhelming. She bounced on her toes. "Awesome! It's going to be so much fun. We can stay up late telling ghost stories and painting each other's nails and..." As Kate chattered on enthusiastically, Sarah felt a blush creeping up her neck. The idea of her first sleepover was thrilling, but the looming specter of her nighttime issues hung heavily over the excitement. She thought of the practice runs she'd done with her mom, the awkward process of diapering and cleaning up discreetly. Could they really pull that off at Kate's house, without anyone finding out? Sarah took a deep breath, trying to center herself. Her mom's words echoed in her head: "You're facing your fears head-on, and that's the definition of bravery." She could do this. She had a plan, she had practiced, and most importantly, she had her mom's unwavering support. Sarah tuned back in to Kate's animated planning, forcing a smile that she hoped looked more confident than she felt. "That all sounds perfect," she agreed, her voice only slightly unsteady. "I can't wait." Their teacher called for the class to settle down, and the rest of the day passed in a blur, Sarah's mind constantly flicking between giddy anticipation and nervous worst-case scenarios. By the time she got home, she felt like a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap at the slightest touch. *** Kate nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she approached her mom, who was folding laundry in the living room. "Hey Mom? Sarah said she could spend then night. Can we practice the sleepover plan one more time? I want to make sure I've got it down." Kate's mom smiled warmly, reaching out to smooth Kate's hair. "That’s great news. Of course, sweetie. Let's go through it step by step, so you feel totally prepared." She retrieved a diaper from the package in Kate's room, then paused. "For the sleepover how about we store most of these in the master bedroom? That way, they'll be out of sight.” Kate nodded gratefully, and followed her mom to the bathroom for their practice run. Lucky, their dog, tried to follow, but Kate’s mom closed the door and said, “Lucky, you’ll have to wait - there’s barely enough room for two of us in her.” "Alright, honey, go ahead and lie down on the bathmat," her mom instructed gently as Lucky whined quietly outside the door. Kate obeyed, her heart fluttering with nerves about the sleepover as she settled onto the plush rug. The bathroom tile felt cool against her bare legs. Her mom knelt beside her, unfolding the diaper with practiced movements. "Bottom up, sweetie." Kate lifted her hips, allowing her mom to slide the diaper beneath her. "There we go," her mom murmured, securing the tabs snugly around Kate's waist. "How does that feel? Not too tight?" Kate sat up gingerly, aware of the comfortable bulk between her legs. "Perfect," she assured, wriggling a bit to settle the padding. Her mom helped her to her feet, then walked her through the morning removal process. "So, first thing when you wake up, you'll want to sneak in here and take off the diaper. Roll it up tightly, then slip it into one of these scented bags, like this." She demonstrated, sealing the bag with a quick twist. "Then just tuck it into the trash can under the sink. I'll make sure to empty it before Sarah wakes up, so she'll never know it was there." Kate nodded along, committing each step to memory. A small part of her marveled at how surreal this all felt - strategizing ways to hide diapers from her best friend, like some kind of bizarre spy mission. As if reading her mind, her mom reached out to cup Kate's cheek, her eyes soft with understanding. "I know this all feels a bit strange and scary, honey. But you're handling it with so much grace and bravery. I'm really proud of you." Kate leaned into the touch, feeling some of her anxiety melt away. "Thanks, Mom," she whispered. "I couldn't do this without you." They stayed like that for a long moment, just breathing together, until Kate remembered something. "Oh! Um, while we're here...could you maybe put me in a fresh diaper?" Her mom, recognizing her nervousness about the sleepover, smiled tenderly. "Of course, sweetie. Come here." She guided Kate back down to the bathmat, diapering her with the same gentle efficiency as before. As she taped the last tab in place, she smoothed a hand over Kate's arm. "It's okay to be nervous," she murmured. "Sleepovers can be scary even without the extra challenges. But you've got this, Kate. You're so much stronger than you know." Kate blinked back sudden tears, nodding shakily. "I love you, Mom," she whispered, the words feeling somehow too big and not big enough for this moment. Her mom gathered her into a warm hug, mindful of the padding between them. "I love you too, baby. Always and forever, no matter what." *** The next day at school, Sarah and Kate huddled together during lunch, excitement and nerves mingling as they planned out their sleepover. "I was thinking we could make personal pizzas for dinner," Kate suggested, doodling topping ideas in the margin of her notebook. "And then maybe have an epic Mario Kart tournament after?" Sarah grinned, nudging Kate's shoulder with her own. "That sounds perfect. And we can't forget the most important part - staying up way too late talking and giggling until your mom has to tell us to go to sleep for the third time." Kate laughed, a bright, unburdened sound that made Sarah's heart lift. In that moment, all her anxiety about diapers and nighttime accidents felt far away, eclipsed by the simple joy of scheming with her best friend. The rest of the day passed in a blur of giddy anticipation and carefully concealed nerves. By the time Sarah got home, she felt like a bottle of shaken soda, ready to burst with a jumble of emotions. When Sarah got home, her mom emerged from the home office, and sensing Sarah’s nervous energy, motioned for her to sit on the couch. She said, “We have a great plan - I know it will work. Let’s review it again. We can even do another dry run." They settled on the living room couch, Sarah fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as she repeated the plan they'd come up with. "So when it's getting close to bedtime, you’ll come over and say I forgot my medication. You'll meet me in the bathroom to help with the diaper. Then in the morning, I'll get up before Kate, take off the diaper, and wrap it up to throw it away when I get home. Right?" Her mom nodded, reaching out to still Sarah's restless hands with a gentle squeeze. "That's right, honey. And remember, we'll have your overnight bag packed with extra diapers and supplies, just in case." Sarah took a deep breath, trying to let her mom's calm confidence settle her jumping nerves. "Okay. Yeah. I think I've got it."

This is a pic I found on FB. It's Peter Mayhew (7'3") and Carrie Fisher (5'1").

You can add me to the diaper porn list, but that's a bit of cheating as an asexual I find all porn to be a turnoff. You can add written diaper porn to that too. This is a bit old, as I haven't seen one in a long time. Photos where panties are visible underneath the diaper.

where is the story?

Hey everyone! I’ve been hard at work continuing to write this story. A few things just happened to fall through this week, so I should be able to snap out a bunch of writing at least over the next few days. Right now, the story is sitting at about 14 chapters, so after this one, there should only be about eight left to go. My hope is that I will at least be done writing this story by the end of the month. I also just want to take the time to thank any of you who reached out and showed your support. Unlike The Opening story, despite a negative response initially, I’m still going to keep at this story and not doubt myself, but warm comments from you all are always nice to see. So, from the bottom of my creative soul and drive, I just want to thank you. Lastly, for those of you reading this one, I’m still trying to determine my next story, so be sure to let me know what you want of the three stories I placed on here to decide from. For those of you who may have missed these options or whatnot, just refer back to chapter 4. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter! Chapter 6: The Regret of One’s Manufacturing My efforts had all been met with failure and I was now about to attempt my fourth Little on my fifth day. Three Littles had all come and gone with various levels of success or failure for me, but as yesterday had been some Big holiday, I was now even more determined to find my new Little. If today didn’t work either with yet another Little, my self-confidence would definitely take a hit and I would only have two more days to accomplish my goal set by the toy council here. Still, my confidence for now was at least higher than it had been. My time with Travis, though ending with him tossing me in the mud where I almost sunk to my doom, had shown my commitment to my new path of life to many of the toys here at the daycare. I still felt a little weird with the extreme turnaround everyone now seemed to have with me from dastardly mustache-twirling villain to hero of the hour, but I suppose it was better than the alternative. After all, if Pete hadn’t intervened when he did, I would either be sleeping with used diapers and moldy cheese at the dump or simply just dust in the air by now after the flames of the incinerator. It was a fact that I couldn’t let go of and that kept me striving to be better every day now. So, as usual, I met up with Pete out in the hallway before any of the other Littles arrived today. Every toy and stuffy knew that after a holiday, Littles could arrive in several ways. For some, it meant being tired from their day of fun, but for others though… many of them might not want to sit down or might need to be moved down to another room tier. “Who’s up today, Pete?” I then asked eagerly when I saw the lumbering aged parrot in front of me in the still empty hallway. “Think of any good Littles for me?” Most of us had been just relaxing about yesterday during the holiday and rested ourselves for the likely coming storm that would be arriving in the next 15 to 20 minutes. I had hung around Carmen, Tops, and even the ever-silent Poodee, but I had also poked at Pete. In unusual form though, he said he needed to really think about my next Little and sent me away. He claimed my past Littles as ‘personal failures he intended to fix,’ and so I left him to his own deep thoughts. As such, I was nearly bouncing with anticipation over which Little he had found for me next. His next words were anything but satisfying though. “Turn around,” he said bluntly. “What?” I asked in confusion, shaking my head at the sudden shock of what he just commanded me to do. The only thing behind me was to go back into the Burrows room. It didn’t make any sense to me, unless… ‘Oh no! Pete thinks I’m a lost cause now! He’s sending me back to await my fate!’ I could quickly feel the panic begin to surge in my chest. This was Pete, but maybe his deep thoughts had made him realize just how hopeless I was. Goodbye Littles, hello dumpster… Pete nodded his head to the door behind me. “Turn around and go back into the Burrows room, Dash,” he said, now even pointing his wing back toward the Burrows room door to assuage any doubts that I had when I still didn’t move. “I want to try something different today…” ‘Oh no! I knew it! I was done for! A lost cause… a toy without hope… a… wait… What did he say again?’ I then looked at Pete with a mix of confusion. The anxiety I was feeling from the anticipation of that moment was nearly too much for me to handle, so I just had to ask for some clarity. “You mean… you mean you’re not giving up on me?” I asked quite pathetically. I almost couldn’t recognize my new self with my weaker demeanor lately. It might have disgusted my past self, but I knew I had been through a lot since my unboxing days and so I gave myself a break. To be blunt, I also knew that the previous shiny toy I had been was slowly becoming just a memory now. To my surprise yet again though, Pete chuckled lightly. “What? What are you even talking about?” Pete let out another chuckle, but then cleared his throat and looked at me tenderly. “No, Dash. I’m definitely not giving up on you. Quite the opposite actually. Come on.” Pete then slowly guided my still confused form back into the Burrows room, quickly making sure that Miss Mindy, still on duty from the night before, wasn’t in there already for her morning checks. Despite being a holiday and most actually going home this time, there were still two Littles left in the Burrows room. By now, most here believed that Fiona and Zack would be given up for adoption any day now by their original caregivers. It was pretty rare, but it still happened when a Big was never able to form a bond with their Little or if their life circumstances had changed somehow. After, we all would just reflect over the tragedy and wish them a speedy adoption. Fortunately, in this society, a Little rarely ever stayed unadopted for long. Regardless, Pete then led me over to a single crib with a name written high above on an ID tag. I read the name, but for a second, I thought he had lost his mind when I noticed that the crib was still empty. “Uh, Pete? This one’s empty…” Pete nodded nonchalantly. “Yes, that’s true, but it won’t be for long. As I’m sure you read, this crib belongs to Emma. You’ve probably actually seen her around before… she pitched a fit around the time you first came here. I think she might present you with a… unique opportunity.” My mind flashed back to that girl, I now knew as Emma, and then again to when I saw her being force-fed in the highchair some time later. She was protesting being put back into diapers when I first saw her, but she was apparently in the Burrows room now. If she was in fact the Little that had been crying the other night, her fall from maturity nearly mirrored my own misfortunes after my fall from power after my duel with Hop. “Uh, what unique opportunity did you exactly have in mind with her?” I asked, partially doubting my own abilities to help anyone in this room. The Burrows wasn’t a bad place necessarily, but it was usually seen as the bottom barrel around here. To be blunt, before my change, one of my bigger goals for Charley was that he would end up here by the end of my time with him. Looking back now, it wasn’t my proudest moment. “I mean, isn’t one usually too far gone once they get here? Beyond my help… especially as a newbie?” Pete hesitated and then shrugged. “I suppose you could say that, but I think Emma is actually more damaged than broken or even purely regressed.” I quickly looked at Pete in confusion. “See, she’s regressed but definitely not to a newborn level. That being said, with her condition, the staff thought this room would be best for her. Seeing Emma the other day myself, I really can’t disagree.” ‘Yikes…’ If Pete was even seeing something as a reason for her to justify being in here, it must have been serious, and my own self-doubts were only growing larger now. “What do you mean? Uh, I mean, can she walk or talk? Why would a non-newborn or infant-level Little need to be in here?” Pete sighed. “Well, I wasn’t there, but from what Nadia told me, she was punished severely after accidentally breaking a lamp and a phone in the lobby here initially. It put her on a watch list here of sorts, and when she threw a tantrum after being spanked because she went potty by herself, she was punished further. Since then, it’s been all downhill from there for her… that’s where you come in.” Pete looked like he wanted to continue, but Fiona and Zack began to stir and both of us ran and hid under one of the nearby cribs. “Uh, just ask me any questions that you have tonight. Until then, keep your eyes peeled though for any difficulties you might encounter. For now, just wait under this crib as Emma should be here within the hour. Good luck with her… I know you’ll do me proud.” Pete made her problems and my solution to them seem so obvious, but I was still completely in the dark. So, just as Pete began to leave, I placed a paw on his shoulder to stop him. “Wait… if she’s so… well, whatever she is, how is this going to be a challenge for me? What types of difficulties am I going to have with her? Is there something special I’m missing?” Pete sighed but also gave me a little knowing smile. “Oh… you’ll find out. You’re not in any danger per say, but just stick to what you’ve been learning, and you should be fine here.” With that, Pete waved his wing at me and exited the room. Not long after, I began to hear the thudding footsteps of approaching Littles, and just as Pete said, Emma was dropped off in her crib within the hour. Miss Dee-Dee then checked the rest of the Littles she had deposited into the cribs before and left the room. She was a new staff member, but one I had come to admire and respect for being the sole worker assigned to this room on a permanent basis. Due to the needs of the Littles here, she was completely dedicated to their care and took a lot of pride in what she did. There was even a rumor that her true name was Diana, but as no Little in here would be able to pronounce that by a long shot, she simply became known as Miss Dee-Dee. Seeing the coast was now clear though, I then crept silently over to Emma’s crib once again. I heard some brief shuffling inside, but then it was all just silence. I saw a few of the other Littles stirring a bit, but most in here were so regressed to the point of nearly sleeping all day or may have just simply lacked the coordination to move around much. So, with bated breath, I quickly climbed the crib and entered in to see my new Little. Unlike my attempts here before with Littles, I approached Emma differently. I knew I had to be more cautious since I couldn’t just simply fall back on my pulses to lull the Little into submission, and for all I knew, she could have screamed in terror of me when she first saw my deformed being now. When I got up near her head though, I knew that wasn’t going to be an issue today… As I peered up over the blanket around part of her body as sneakily as I could, I finally peered into her open big blue eyes. I was at first petrified that she was going to see me and freak out, but all at once, I could see no reaction in them, and I knew she wasn’t registering me at all on a conscious level at least. Now, as Pete and I had guessed, some of my skills when looking for valuable targets to regress translated well into my current life. After checking the rest of her out, from her look, I could see life behind her eyes still, but they appeared to be unmoving rather than just slow as one might find on a hypnotically blissed-out Little. Looking at her body, I saw no surgery lines either and gave thanks for that minor miracle. Even when I was regressing Littles myself, I always hated surgery. It led to too many future complications and permanently maimed or disfigured any Little. If a Big was trying to convince others of their love for their Little, it was by far the most sinister sign to show that they were in fact liars in my opinion. Curious as to the extent of what was happening with her, I moved in closer and decided to conduct a few tests to see what type of Little I was working with. First up, I shuffled the blanket and sheets around her, but still no response, and so getting a little bolder, I moved the sheet around to examine her further and found her to be physically intact and without red or purple marks blistered all over her rear. Padded yes, but not bruised or even slightly reddened. In all likelihood, she was probably a good girl that just fell down the wrong hole in this society. From my time at the daycare here so far, it was a sadly common story. Sighing, I went up to her face and poked it casually, first from behind and then right as I stood in front of her. It was a little inhumane and a risk to revealing my whole ‘being alive’ bit, but as the other tests had shown, she still had no movement or reaction to my gestures. So, I tried two final tests. I then sat, raised my two front paws up, and smacked them as loud as I could by her ear. A few other Littles squealed or cooed after, but to my dismay, Emma remained as silent and as still as ever. I then tried my final test. “Emma… Emma… Emma!” Each of my callouts to her were progressively louder, but she just remained still and fixed. I now felt like I knew what Pete was talking about when he said that she would present me with a challenge. How could I, a toy, comfort a Little who wouldn’t even react to the slightest stimuli. So, resigned to figuring out how to actually get through to her, I waited by the head of her bed until the first round of checking was performed by Miss Dee-Dee and Miss Tully, who helped out when needed in the room. The other Littles were each changed and then given a bottle, and most rarely said anything but a few coos, giggles, and maybe even some fit of brief laughter or crying. Then finally, it was Emma’s turn, but she remained as still and emotionless as I was right then. “Hello, Emmy!” Mis Dee-Dee greeted my new prospective Little. Her bright eyes and curly hair gave her a calming and matronly sort of look which I think went well with most of the Littles here, even the most regressed ones. For her part though, Emma just stared back… lifeless. Undeterred, Miss Dee-Dee picked up Emma, bounced her a bit up and down, and then took her over to the changing table under the glowing crystals on that side of the room. I eagerly, but covertly, looked and listened in to see if somehow Emma would respond to Miss Dee-Dee. “Oh Emmy! Someone made a messy-wessy, huh?” Miss Dee-Dee baby talked to the Little before her. Emma still made no motion, even as her onesie was pulled aside and the tapes of her rather large diaper were undone. Even the most heavily regressed Littles gave out some sign of distress when the warmed wipes were applied to their skin, but Emma wasn’t like them. She remained as still as ever. The next few minutes were then just filled with baby talk or Miss Dee-Dee even talking to herself occasionally. It was becoming very apparent, especially after she remained silent during the whole change, that something was very wrong with Emma. To be honest, it was hurting me just to see a Little so damaged in that way. Regrettably, I thought of my own desired actions with Charley once again. Miss Dee-Dee, ever the professional, soon finished Emma’s change though and brought her back over to the crib and I became lifeless once more to remain undetected. Settling her down with a fresh bottle, Emma finally moved, but it was just to accept the object and hold it like it was only an automatic response for her. Miss Dee-Dee sighed and stroked the Little’s chestnut hair out of her face. “Oh, Emmy… what are we going to do with you?” In response, Emmy just kept sucking. “I suppose we’ll have to figure out something for you… maybe more permanent, but for now, just enjoy your baba, honey. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while…” And with that, Miss Dee-Dee left the room once more. Silence quickly followed beyond the subtle sucking sounds now occurring all around me. From everything that I had witnessed, it was now clear to me that while Emma was regressed, she was far more likely in a distressed and catatonic state than strictly being the newborn that her abilities appeared to be. I doubt there was much discernable vocabulary or knowledge left in her head above a two- or three-year-old, but I wondered just how much of her was left locked away in her head. Distressingly, even the valiant and kindly Miss Dee-Dee seemed distressed by her condition though, and that was never a good sign. Seeing this place for long enough, Littles like Emma were often casualties of the very places their Bigs sent them to. Reform academies and special schools for Littles often achieved these types of results and the Littles afterward would either never recover and be shipped to a state-run facility to be better cared for, or they would languish and eventually just regress themselves under the strain of their locked-in state. If Miss Dee-Dee’s comments were any indication, she seemed to be headed for the latter of those two options. “Oh Emma…” I said quietly over the regressed girl, still suckling down her milk. “What can I do for you? I don’t know if I can help you in the way you need…” For a moment, she shifted and seemed to look right at me. I froze in panic that she was actually seeing me, but her face squinted a little, and after a tiny little grunting, I heard a series of small wet toots erupting from her backside. Seconds later, she was busily nursing back at her bottle… not a care in the world to what she had just done in her freshly changed diaper. “I’m sorry,” I said dejectedly to the poor Little in front of me. “I don’t think I can do this…” And with that, steeped in yet another failure and shame of not being able to help her, I climbed down off the crib and made my way over to the Canopy room. Pete’s normal Little just happened to be sick today, so when I managed to flag him down from underneath one of the low hanging chairs at the crafting table in there, where I could remain out of sight still, he came over. He quickly looked at me in confusion and maybe even a little worry. “Hey Dash… what’s up? Why are you over here? Did something go wrong with Emma?” I shook my head. “No, nothing like that, but Pete… I don’t think I can help her. She’s just… gone.” Pete sighed and shook his head almost seemingly out of disappointment. “I was hoping that you would have learned a little more by now than that regarding our Littles here. Giving up so soon too… Maybe I was wrong about the type of toy you wanted to be…” I felt his words like a knife to my soul. “What do you mean?” I asked with my pathetic and desperate tone once more. I didn’t care. “I tried everything you’ve told me to do. I tried to communicate with her… even get her to respond to outside stimuli. It’s all just… nothing. If we’re supposed to be helping them, how can I help if she doesn’t even know I’m there? I’m not a quitter but I just don’t know what to do!” Pete sighed again, but almost oddly smiled a little. “It’s hard when they’re regressed to almost nothing… isn’t it? Almost like they’ve been lost to all that… forward and justified progress, huh? Much different seeing the regression on this side, right?” Pete stared back at me, and I suddenly knew exactly what he was trying to imply. I didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure my face showed all I needed to anyways. “Exactly, Dash. This is what you wanted for all those other Littles. I think Emma will do you some good by seeing the consequences of your old ways. So, no, you can’t just quit her now. I want you to go back and help her out with the lessons and skills I’ve taught you. Is that something you can do that for me?” I looked at the ground in shame. “But Pete… I don’t know if I’m the right person for her… I tried to regress people after all. She’s everything my line was designed to do in theory, but I think I’m too messed up myself to be with her. I’m just going to be a failure to her too.” Pete frowned and gripped me tightly with both of my shoulders. “Now there’s none of that talk, Dash. You hear?” he belted as if it was more of an order than a question. I quickly snapped out of my funk and nodded. He then backed off. “Good. Now, as far as Emma goes, I think this will be a good thing for you to see up close and personal. In a way, you two can even grow and heal together if you do this right.” “I guess… I just…” I was finding it hard to say what I was feeling right now. “It’s just that Emma is the reality of my actions. It’s one thing to be programmed to do something being a toy, but it’s something else entirely witnessing the devastation of what I was trying to do. Charley and the others wouldn’t have been as bad, but still… that room… Anyone in there is suffering a worse fate than I ever could have imagined. They’re just… gone…” Pete nodded. “Now you’re getting it, Dash. I want you to go back in there and help her out. If you want, think of it as your penance for what you did to Charley and tried to do to the others. After all, just consider this. You were their toy and were supposed to protect them, but instead, you just hurt them. This time, find a way to do the opposite and help a Little heal from the exact same wounds you once tried to inflict yourself.” Pete’s words were harsh but true. I nodded and had nearly left from under the table, but I wanted to know one last thing while it was still on my mind. “Pete?” The old bird shifted back toward me. “You think I’ll ever be able to apologize to Hop or Charley for what I did?” Pete seemed perplexed, but ultimately shrugged. “I don’t know, Dash. You hurt them pretty bad but keep trying to change in the way that you have been, and you just never know.” And with that, I retreated covertly away from the room. Due to the business of the day, as shown by Pete earlier this week, I used the air vents to get around a little easier, and soon, I was face-to-face once more with Emma’s crib. It loomed ever larger as my personal struggle to mount but facing Emma once back on top of the soft crib bedding, I knew I had to succeed. Not even for just my sake, but hers as well. Still though, I felt I was out of options, so I tried a few of my old techniques that I had tried before. All that failing still, I tried a different approach and crouched down to meet her by her head and unfocused eyes contained within. “Emma,” I said quietly, almost in a whisper, “I want to talk to you… I want to help you.” I sighed as she still remained motionless. “I’m not sure if you can even see or hear me, but I want to be there for you.” It still wasn’t working, so I decided to go deeper within myself. “You know… there was actually a time where I would have been happy to see you this way… or at least a Little that is. I used to have a Little… Charley…” I was feeling so much guilt about what I had done to him lately that I had to continually check my emotions to keep from breaking down. “See, I hurt him… I hurt him bad. Others tried to stop me, but I was really powerful then and I stopped them instead, until one day where I became what you might be able to see before you.” Emma eyes seemed to shift slightly. I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was working, but it was something… something I could hold onto, so I quickly continued. “I went through a rough patch of my own making, but now I’m realizing now that I was all wrong before. Even if it was my programming or wanting to help Charley out in my own way, I see now that I pushed too much. Littles like you are so fragile… I used to think that made you all weak and helpless and this was a good life for you all, but now I realize that it just means you need to be helped and care for more now instead. So, that’s what I want to do with you, Emma.” Despite all that, there was still no response that I could see. “Emma… if you want me to help you… give me a sign. Anything… something… just show me that you’re in there. Please…” For a moment, Emma’s eyes fluttered. I felt a surge of happiness. ‘Was this it? The breakthrough I was hoping for?’ My heart pounded in anticipation… but Emma only shifted a bit and closed her eyes… quickly falling asleep. It was a blow to my ego for sure, but with Pete’s lessons and my own journey of self-discovery and penance, I knew I had to continue. I wasn’t sure about much with Emma, but I could see one thing; she needed me now more than ever. She needed that comforting presence in her life, even if she couldn’t directly show it. So, accepting the challenges that were seemingly coming with this task, I followed Emma’s lead. She had shifted slightly to where she was leaning over just a bit to her right side… the side I was on. So, seeing that, I then found a nice large spot right by her chest and curled up into her. I could feel her heart thud softly against my fur and her chest heaved in and out like the bellows of an organ. It wasn’t much, but in my heart, I knew my presence here was still something. And there I stayed for the rest of the day. I was content to just stay here the whole time, but I briefly had to slip away when Miss Dee-Dee and Miss Tully came in as they carried a struggling Little in with them. It was hard to see who it was at first, but after a moment, I recognized him as Tyler, the Little who had refused to share Sarge and then defied Miss Mindy. Clearly, his punishment hadn’t sunk in from back then. “How long are the meds supposed to take?” Miss Tully asked as she struggled to keep Tyler’s feet from whacking her in the face. “Oh, not very… long!” Miss Dee-Dee replied, finally sitting in the rocking chair in a particular dark spot in the room while still holding on to Tyler’s upper body. “The FOY just needs a sec to kick in. Interesting enough, his flailing should help it pass faster into his system.” Tyler’s eyes immediately bugged out and he stopped struggling. Both the workers smiled, but also knew that by now, his efforts were just in vain. Tyler was screwed right then if he struggled for another thirty seconds or just lay still for another minute. In all likelihood, Miss Dee-Dee had only really mentioned that to get him to calm down faster. She was thoughtful, but she was also clever like that with the Littles under her care as well. “There… that’s a good Little,” Miss Tully cooed down at the Little that Miss Dee-Dee was now cradling in her arms. “Are you going to feed him once the drug fully kicks in?” Miss Dee-Dee nodded. “That’s right… Little Ty-Ty here is going to get some yummy nummies today. Should help solidify the FOY a bit more.” “Perfect. Let me go get a burping cloth for you for after,” Miss Tully offered. Miss Dee-Dee just nodded back and then gazed into the slowly relaxed form of Tyler. The FOY was clearly taking hold of him, and I could only watch in morbid fascination as she smiled and then undid her top. ‘Oh… that type of feeding…’ The nursing wasn’t anything lewd or morbid here, and the atmosphere of the room only seemed to add to the nurturing moment between the two. The FOY was likely working overtime in Tyler, and I bet he didn’t even know or care what he was doing or where he was at. It was powerful stuff and by tonight, he probably wouldn’t even remember any of this when he came out of his near trance-like state. Miss Dee-Dee then sighed. “Oof… I can tell you still have your teeth mister. Try and ease up if you can. I know the FOY is working hard in your system, but I’ve got others to help as well, you know…” Tyler seemed to shift a little and Miss Dee-Dee smiled back. “There… that’s better. Good boy…” The nursing continued for a little bit when Miss Tully came back in. “No troubles I take it?” Miss Dee-Dee shook her head. “No… poor little dear likely barely knows what he’s doing now. It makes me wonder if his caregiver even knows what she agreed to when she okayed our nursing protocols here. If she’s not careful, he might just end up in this room with me permanently…” “Maybe that’s what she wanted?” Miss Tully countered. “Some do, you know? Otherwise, we probably wouldn’t even have this room in the first place.” “Eh…” Miss Dee-Dee shrugged. “Pretty rare nowadays that any caregiver with a heart at all would actually want to subject their Little to being suitable for a room like this… especially with all the reforms and whatnot going on. I mean, I’m happy to provide the service, but I wonder how much longer it will be offered. Seems kind of cruel with what it does to these portal Little types…” Miss Tully nodded, and after a few grunts from Tyler, both sensed he was done in more than one way. A burping and then a quick but badly needed diaper change later and he was placed into a nearby empty crib. No stuffy was with him, but Miss Dee-Dee just offered him a pacifier and the Little almost instantly drifted off to sleep after evidently gladly accepting it. It was a nearly horrifying scene to witness firsthand nowadays for me, but I just hoped that Tyler would learn his lesson before it was too late. As they said, he was just visiting today, but I knew it didn’t take much for a Little to make this room their stay in this room a permanent one while here at the daycare. By the time the two left, it was already late into the day, but another feeding and one diaper change a little while later for Emma, and the day was already over. Not wanting to scare anyone away at this point, I climbed back down off the crib and saw Emma and most of the others being taken away once more. It was tough to see her go, but as usual, I walked off to go see Pete for my daily debriefing and focused on what I was even going to tell him. There honestly wasn’t much to debrief today, but I noticed Pete’s oddly persistent smile once I had mentioned that I had just laid down by her chest for most of the rest of my day. “What’s with the grin, Pete? I didn’t do anything with her… She’s the exact same as when I first met her.” Pete nodded and sighed. “That’s right and I won’t deny it, but I’m smiling because you did exactly what you needed to today. You were just with her. As I told you the other day, sometimes, that’s the most important thing you can do with your Little. Even Emma, if she is still in there, likely welcomed your comfort.” Of course, I knew he was right. If there was even just a slim bit of Emma left in her own mind, I had given her the comfort and care she likely wanted. “I hope so, Pete. It’s really hard to be lying next to a Little who practically embodies all the mistakes I used to make around here. I’m changing, but there will always be reminders of my past…” Pete nodded. “That’s right, but with any luck, you two will grow together. Change is hard, but I think both of you need each other more than ever now.” Pete then paused and seemed to think for a long time and I almost left, but I also stayed because his contemplation looked to be important. Finally, though, he straightened himself out and looked at me directly in my eyes. There was a sense of pride in them that I almost didn’t recognize in a fellow toy. “Yes… Dash, you know what? I think I’m going to call it officially after what I’ve just heard…” He then took a gigantic breath. “Congratulations, Dash. You’ve got yourself a Little, here at last.” It was such a sudden announcement, but before I knew it, a hoard of stuffy’s and toys soon descended upon me and cheered. I wasn’t expecting it to be announced so soon, but now that I was actually thinking about it directly, I had neither been rejected nor had used any tricks on my Little today. She didn’t have much in the way of a personality for now, but that only seemed to make everyone else cheer more for me and my success by just being with her today. Vigilance in caring seemed to be the key around here, and now that I thought about it, from what I had seen today, Emma needed just that. After, I could even see Carmen, Tops, and Poodee smile and wave at me as I was paraded through the Meadows room right then, and it all felt so satisfying. I still wondered if the council would approve of Emma being my Little, but even alone, I had achieved some personal success today in staying with her and treating her with how I thought she should have been treated in the first place. My mistakes in the past were so obvious now, and it made them hurt even more, but with Emma, I felt just a tiny ray of hope that I could find the penance that Pete had mentioned earlier today. With any luck, Emma and I would both heal each other, but even though today had been a victory for me, I knew it was still going to be a tough road ahead for her. Still, this morning she had woken up alone and damaged, but now, she had me to help her in any way that I could. It admittedly wasn’t much, but it was still forward progress, and therefore, maybe one day of continuing that trend, she would find the same happiness I was experiencing now.

Another update: I checked with Dr. Ivan and let him know my blockages are gone but that I'm not incontinent. I said I think I will need the follow-up procedure. He said yes I will. Just that it needs to wait 3 months. So as discussed I reached out to Paris and asked her for the scheduling availability for my follow up surgery. It looks like I may have another countdown on my hands soon 😄✈️

I want to preface that this story is not mine however, I am the one who commissioned it. I have the full permission of the author to post it elsewhere. Please give them your support if you like it they have a Deviantart https://www.deviantart.com/redsabdlcreations and a subscribe star for early access https://subscribestar.adult/redsabdlcreations Hope you all like this! Btw I am deeply interested in commissioning more for diaper stories for thischaracter (or others!) please contact me if you are a interested writer. Prologue Shadowheart’s heavy panting filled the air of the ancient, dark dungeon. The old curved stonework was lit by a deep purple light from magical braziers above. The gold inlay on the floor glinted with the supernatural light. Her pride as a cleric was bolstered by the four umbral gems clinking in her pouch. She’d descended through the tomb, fought through the undead justiciars on her own, and bested the Gauntlet of Shar without any helpful clues from her Mother Superior. Before her stood the prize she’d been sent after, a black framed portal wreathed in gold accents. It shimmered with mysterious purple magic and loomed at one end of the room, its divine energy permeating the space. Shadowheart could feel her connection to her goddess Shar strengthen the closer she got to it. “Stare into the mirror and share with our goddess your ‘own secret’ so that you might be one of the chosen of our order.” Shadowheart said, repeating the instructions that Mother Superior Viconia DeVir had given her before arriving. An unnatural twang of nervousness struck her, causing Shadowheart to pull back from the artifact. Immediately she chastised herself for her faltering faith, telling herself that Lady Shar would never harm her devoted, nor would the Mother Superior send her to do something she thought Shadowheart would be unable to do. Shadowheart approached the mirror, gazing into it and allowing the divine magic of her goddess to flow through her and pick at the memories within. The process was less than pleasant and immediately made Shadowheart reconsider her earlier hesitation. The celestial energy was ripping through her with violent intensity, filling her head with a dull roar as it snaked through her memories to rip out whatever memory would be a secret shared between her and Shar. She sucked in a harsh breath attempting to bear down against the magical assault. “N-no, this isn’t what I wanted. NOT THIS!” Shadowheart was shouting now, unconcerned with the fact that she may alert any undead that still existed within the tomb. Her current battle with the mirror was far more important. Shadowheart fought and pulled against the mirror’s magic, trying to prematurely end its exploratory probe into her mind. She was dismayed to learn that the mirror was intent on not letting her go. Her struggles yielded no relief as she couldn’t break away from the mirror’s hold. “Why… Why can’t I break out?” she asked, “Lady Shar! Release me please!” Her call for divine intervention received no answer, leaving her stuck in the theft of her memory. She had the vague thought that this was an oddly familiar sensation before she felt a snap in her head. A thread somewhere deep within had been pulled to taut, brought to a point of breaking by the extreme arcane pressure. Something hadn’t just been taken from her, The mirror broke something within Shadowheart. Act 1 The dark-haired cleric’s eyes snapped open suddenly as if she’d been startled awake by a bad dream. She blinked hard, trying to remember what had been playing through her subconscious but no matter how hard she tried, Shadowheart couldn’t recall what she’d been dreaming about. She stopped worrying about it and stretched in her bed, wincing at the slight soreness that’d spread all over her body. Even after a full day of rest, her trip to the Grand Mausoleum had left an impression on her body even if there wasn’t one on her mind. The memory of her trip had been wiped from her memory, much like the nightmare that’d jolted her awake. Most would be concerned by this but for her, this wasn’t an unusual occurrence. As a member of a church whose goddess traded in secrets, important things were often erased from the cleric’s minds for confidentiality. Rather than worrying about a past she couldn’t remember, Shadowheart focused on the now. The order had set up their camp outside the Shadow-Cursed Lands in a mountain pass and they overlooked the ancient Rosymorn Monastery from their perch. It'd been a wonderful view that gave the assembled clerics something to look at while they waited. There wasn't much to do for them since they’d taken a day to rest after Shadowheart’s mission to the Grand Mausoleum. She’d returned in a state of exhaustion. They’d be moving on after this morning though, returning to the Grand Cloister in Baldur’s Gate. With quite a lot to do awaiting her, she rolled out of bed, heading for her discarded camp leathers sitting atop her personal belongings trunk. The tight garments slipped over her like a comfortable glove, making her feel comfortably confident. Exiting her tent revealed a camp bustling with activity. Already the other acolytes had started packing up the camp, getting things prepped to move. “Hmmm. Perhaps I allowed myself to oversleep.” Shadowheart said to herself, wishing that she’d started helping sooner. Logically that meant that she should start breaking down her tent now, instead, she strode toward the mess tent at the far edge of camp. This would be her last chance to enjoy a hot meal until they made it back to Baldur’s Gate and she had no interest in wasting that opportunity. Several of the other clerics sat gathered around the cooking fire, enjoying its heat in the cool morning while they slurped up spoonfuls of the hearty stew made by the camp cook. “Good morning Sister,” One of the clerics sitting around the fire said, “You seem to be moving much faster today, feeling better after a day of rest?” Shadowheart was pretty sure this woman's name was Kirivi. She was a lower-level cleric with brilliant red hair that Shadowheart had seen around the cloister occasionally but she didn't make much of an impression. “I am feeling significantly better, thank you.” Shadowheart said with a nod, “My quest to the Grand Mausoleum proved to be very tiring. I do appreciate the time you all allowed me to rest.” Kirivi nodded. “Of course, your mission is what sent us out here. We’ve come to support you at the will of our Mother Superior.” Shadowheart detected a hint of vitriol in the other cleric’s voice as if her mission had been an inconvenience to Kirivi. The dark-haired cleric bent at the waist to ladle some of the stew into a bowl, sending a swaggering, brash smile at the cleric. “I suppose our Lady Shar can’t relay a divine quest to the Mother Superior for all of us. We’re all chosen for a grand purpose someday.” The retort had been somewhat harsh but it had the intended effect of shutting down the cleric’s vitriol. Shadowheart turned with a flourish stepping away from the group to enjoy the stew in her tent. She made it a total of six steps before stopping, frozen in place by a strange and uncomfortable feeling. In her lower abdomen, an incredible pressure pushed out against her other organs. Her bladder was full to bursting, sloshing with all the liquid left over from her night of restful sleep. Shadowheart tried to do whatever it was one did when they felt the urge to void their bladder only to discover that the concept didn’t exist in her mind. “I… no, it’s so shameful I can’t just go here but I… what do I do when I have to pee? Where does one go to urinate!?” She was panickedly searching for the knowledge within her mind only to come up blank. She’d been so focused on her lost knowledge that she hadn’t devoted any time to stopping herself from peeing her pants. The front of her panties warmed with a steady stream of shame pouring from her body. It soaked through the silken material in moments, only to meet the much thicker and less permeable material of her leather trousers. The fiery urine pooled around her groin, desperate to spill over in the tight leather of her trousers. Trickles of it wormed their way down the legs of her pants, dribbling onto the ground around her shoes and leaving a damp puddle on the ground around her. One of her hands flew to her groin while the other tossed the bowl of stew aside and tried to cover her butt. As watertight as her trousers were, the amount of urine pooling within them was pushing their limits and a dark stain was starting to form across its surface. “No No No. Don’t look!” she shouted, her face turning red from embarrassment. As she blushed, tears also started welling up in her eyes as she heard the collected gasps of disbelief. From the crowd, one cruel smile peeked through, Kirivi was watching with a vindictive look painted on her face. Act 2 The next few moments were a whirlwind for Shadowheart. Several apostles of Shar grabbed her from the center of camp and whisked her away toward the tent of the Grand Cleric. The leading cleric of this expedition, Sariel, stared at her. Despite the fact they were the same height, Shadowheart got the feeling that she was being looked down upon. The woman kept her mouth in a tight line, awaiting an explanation. “I-I don’t know what happened.” Shadowheart explained, “I started voiding with no warning.” “And you couldn’t hold it?” Sariel asked, raising an eyebrow. “Hold it?” Shadowheart asked, confused by the concept. “Yes, clamp the muscles so you might make it to the chamberpot.” Again Shadowheart was confused and cocked her head. “Chamber… pot?” She watched a look of disappointed understanding crossed the Grand Cleric’s face. She nodded before instructing Shadowheart to remove her trousers while she turned around. Shadowheart gasped at the command, unsure whether or not to obey it. Sariel turned back with a strange shiny rectangle in her hand. “You will not have to be concerned about this problem once I’m done. Do as I say.” she commanded. The confidence Sariel displayed should have unnerved Shadowheart but instead, she felt comforted by the authoritative tone. The concept that she wouldn’t have to deal with or worry about this problem took a tremendous weight off of her. With a little sigh of relief, the dark-haired Cleric hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her soaked leathers and her panties at the same time, dropping them both to the dirt floor of the tent. The Grand Cleric took her hand and laid her down on the grandiose bed at one end of her tent. Using a basin of water and a rag, Sariel wiped down Shadowheart’s groin and legs, clearing the remnants of her accident that clung to her skin. The water was cool against her thighs and sent relaxing shivers through her body. It was followed by a slick tincture that covered her groin. The Cleric’s fingers glided across the smooth skin of her pubis mons, leaving behind a thin film across her delicate bits. She discovered this was purposeful because a white powder rained down like snow to cling to it. “I will give you these bottles when you leave, you must apply them in the same order I have to prevent a rash.” “Rash?” she asked. Sariel nodded, unfolding the rectangle of plush material and slipping it beneath Shadowheart’s rear. “Yes, since you lack the ability to make it to a chamberpot, you’ll be diapered. After several uses, you’ll need to change yourself into a new nappy. I trust this will be easier for you. It’ll at least keep you from making a mess once we get to the cloister.” Shadowheart’s mind was wracked with questions but she held her tongue, doing her best to absorb the information being thrown at her while the Grand Cleric pulled up the front of the diaper. With no knowledge of a chamberpot, she could only assume that this was the correct way to deal with her voiding problem. After her change, Sariel helped her up and handed her a leather bag with the tinctures and a supply of diapers inside. “This should last you until we return to the cloister. As for your clothing, I will have some of the acolytes clean your leathers. You’ll have them by tomorrow.” Before she could ask one of the many questions filling her mind, she was ushered out of the tent with the leather bag filling her arms. The morning sun reflected off of her new bright, white diaper, drawing the gaze of the other clerics directly to her diapered rump. Shadowheart blushed, waddling back to her tent in a daze. Act 3 The wheels of a carriage clattered against the stone road on the way to Baldur’s Gate. A day had already passed since Shadowheart’s accident in the mess tent, as had her strange interaction with Sariel. She’d already changed herself twice since then, gradually getting used to the feeling of releasing into them. Using her diapers was one thing, but changing and disposing of them had become a clandestine affair. Shadowheart felt so embarrassed about her new condition despite not actually knowing of a better solution so she tried to execute her changes hidden away in her tent while also disposing of her diapers away from the rest of the camp. Now that she was riding in a mostly private carriage, that embarrassment was well behind her and she could fully relax without the prying eyes of the other clerics. The gentle rocking of the carriage was lulling her into a state of serenity so much so that her eyelids started fluttering as the cart traveled. She hardly even reacted when a spray of piss started to soak the front of her current diaper. The padding beneath the plastic shell swelled as it drank the urine streaming from her body growing in proportion to the liquid stored in her bladder. The worry that her diaper would fail to contain her accident remained ever-present in the back of her mind. If she could have tempered the flow, Shadowheart would have but the very concept of control was beyond her anyway. Luckily for her, a puddle didn’t form beneath her. Shadowheart's diaper contained the accident completely. There was a certain comfort to her pee being caught and held against her when she couldn’t control her bladder. The Grand Cleric had been right, Shadowheart didn’t have to concern herself with the issue of her accidents any longer. The flow stemmed itself as her bladder emptied, leaving the warm sap core hugging her groin. Shadowheart let her thoughts return to the rocking of the carriage with the gentle bumps lulling her into a drowsy state. “There’s still a day’s ride to the cloister. I’m sure a change can wait till after I enjoy a nap.” Act 4 Returning to the House of Grief proved more stressful than Shadowheart would have liked. The comfort she felt on the trail home proved to be a moment of solace before a storm of suffering. She and the acolytes of Shar barely started to unpack the caravan when they returned before one of the clerics who’d remained at the cloister was sent to find her amongst the gathered Shar worshippers. “Lady Shadowheart, The Mother Superior wishes to speak to you down in her quarters at once.” A shiver ran up Shadowheart’s spine upon hearing the woman’s title. She respected Viconia DeVir for her devotion to the Nightsinger. Only she matched Shadowheart’s zealotry toward the goddess. That fanaticism made her all the more difficult to deal with, she proved to be intense. “At least Sareil kept her word about my leathers being clean. I don’t have to walk into Mother Superior’s quarters with my nappy exposed.” The idea made Shadowheart blush bright red again, a situation that was becoming a common occurrence for her. Once she’d finally waddled her way into the secret cloister and down to the barracks for the worshippers of Shar, Shadowheart was feeling slightly winded. The bulk of the diaper proved to be more of a challenge than she’d expected. Its bulk was compressed around her groin beneath the tight leather of her pants, creating a five-inch obstruction between her thighs. This meant she had to walk with a bow-legged toddle that made each step take three times longer and took an astounding amount of energy. Viconia DeVir looked less than amused when Shadowheart finally entered her room causing the cleric to shudder again. “You’ve returned,” The Mother Superior said plainly, “based on the sending I’d received from Sariel you’ve also achieved the goal I’d entrusted to you.” Shadowheart nodded solemnly. “I have to take her word for it, Mother Superior. I have no memory of what happened in the Shadow-Cursed Lands.” “Worry not child, I know more than you need ever remember. You’ve done excellent in doing what I’ve asked. I’d rather prefer to hear what else happened. The part that you do remember.” “I… I couldn’t possibly know what you mean.” Shadowheart lied. She knew that Viconia could only be referencing her padding and the accident she’d had in the middle of the camp. “Remove your trousers.” The Mother Superior commanded, choosing to ignore the lie and cut straight to the point. It was the second time in several days one of her superiors had commanded that she remove her pants to reveal something embarrassing beneath them. It was also the second time she’d obeyed the command, hooking her thumbs into the waist of her trousers and lowering them. Shadowheart waited with bated breath for Viconia to say something. The woman's eyes remained locked on her diaper with a mixture of confusion and disappointment crossing her normally solemn face. “Did you apply this diaper yourself?” The Mother Superior asked. “I… Yes.” Shadowheart confirmed, “Sariel taught me how. She told me I needed to change after a few uses.” Viconia shook her head in disappointment. “I highly doubt Sister Sariel would teach you to haphazardly tape your diaper like this.” she said, stepping forward and picking at the very loose tapes of the diaper she was wearing. “Well I… She didn’t… I…” The usual sass and snark Shadowheart possessed was tempered in the face of her Mother Superior but the tongue-lashing she was currently sending her into a nonverbal shame spiral. “Please don’t offer any more disappointing excuses.” Viconia snapped. Shadowheart felt herself continue to shrink into herself under the weight of her superior’s words. The verbal assault continued even when Shadowheart felt a painful clench in her gut and doubled over. “N-no not now!” Shadowheart exclaimed. So far she’d only wet herself and had been waiting for the inevitable evacuation of her bowels. Given all the camp stew she’d consumed, she was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. In fact, it was just her luck that it was happening now that she was being reprimanded. A rumbling fart interrupted the Mother Superior’s admonishment of her poor tape job, followed by an extremely lewd squelching noise as a weighty lump of mushy matter dropped into the piss-soaked crotch of her diaper. “Ngh, guhhh. C-c-can’t stop my bowels from v-v-voiding…” Shadowheart groaned. One push followed another and then another after that. Shadowheart was dumping an embarrassing amount of excrement into her pants, quickly filling out the space in the back of her diaper. It sagged further and further, brought down by the ever-increasing weight. The more she pooped, the more she worried that the shoddy tape job Viconia had pointed out failing. If it did, she wouldn’t be able to keep from making an even bigger mess in front of the Mother Superior. Luckily, her diaper’s tapes held fast apparently kept in place by the grace of Lady Shar’s divine intervention. The Nightsinger must not have wanted to see Shadowheart make an even bigger fool of herself. Above her, the Mother Superior stood statue still, waiting for her cleric to finish her expulsion wordlessly. When the last of her accidental release dumped into the back of her diaper, Shadowheart expected Viconia to continue berating her. Instead, she approached the dark-haired cleric with a shake of her head. “I’m surprised to see that careless tape job held given how much you packed that nappy. You’re very lucky that there wasn’t a much bigger mess.” “I’ll do better.” Shadowheart promised, looking up at her pleadingly. “No, you will not.” Viconia shot back, “From now on you will not change your own diaper. It’s obvious you cannot be trusted with such a task. Instead, whenever you require a change, you’ll have to ask a higher member of our order to help you.” “Y-you can’t… I can’t do that!” Shadowheart exclaimed, feeling her cheeks burn at the thought of asking any other clerics for help. “You can and will.” Viconia said. “It’ll start right now. Your diaper is full, you must ask a superior for a change. Do it.” “I…” Shadowheart hesitated, knowing what Viconia was asking of her was unavoidable. “I need a change, will you please help me Mother Superior?” She nodded, pulling a hard mat from beneath her bed and setting it on the ground. “This time, yes I will.”

Hi, really just plucked up the courage to join. I am a diaper wearing sissy. I’m still in the closet and looking for some friends or a nice aunty to play with. just ordered my first pack of nappies xx

Long story short, I'm writing a kinky serial novel called "What to Get the Girl Who Has Everything". Each chapter of the story is supposed to be its own, stand-alone vignette. This is the first part that has diapers and ageplay as a core component of the scene, which is why I'm sharing it here. If you're generally kinky and want to know more about these characters and the broader narrative, I'm currently five chapters in, on LegitFic. The Bad Dolly [Scene], [Ageplay], [Diapers], [Bratting], [Living Doll], [Woody] I’m British, and generally I stick to Britishisms in my speech and writing. But like most people who are savvy to ageplay and all its trappings, I first learned about that type of play online. So in the context of kink, an absorbent undergarment is called a “diaper” in my mind. Not a nappy, never a nappy, because those are what babies wear. Eleanor is wearing a diaper. A big, pink diaper, with four tapes and a cute illustration of a bunny on the front. I can’t see her diaper, because she’s also wearing the most adorable party dress. A frothy garment of lavender silk, with an embroidered brocade bodice, and a Queen Anne neckline. All my partners are at least comfortable with this aesthetic. In those early days of unpacking ABDL for myself, I first only thought of it as something humiliating. It wasn’t until I started experimenting with it in the real world that I learned how much more it could be. Eleanor really goes in for cute things. Stuffed animals. Kid’s TV shows. A touch of the soft, gamer-girl aesthetic. I expect that it can be hard to be taken seriously if you’re a girly-girl who works with computers. At work she allows herself one concession to this part of her nature; her keyboard keys are cream and mocha, with matcha-green backlighting. You might guess which of my lovers gifted me my nice keyboard for Christmas. I like to drag the littlest part of Eleanor out to play. Usually on weekends where neither of us have any other plans, so I can dote on her, spoil her, give her lots of attention. Pick out all her clothes, and make all of her favourite foods. Supervise bath time, and tuck her into her crib for an early bedtime. When I helped her get dressed today I completed her outfit with sheer, gold tights to match the embroidery on her dress. And purple Mary Janes from Hot Chocolate Designs. Of course she’s wearing a fluffy petticoat too, since in my mind they’re high fashion. Eleanor is on the rug in the sitting room, on her tummy, using brush-tipped markers to carefully colour a detailed illustration of Princess Tiana. There’s a small pile of wooden blocks, depicting a rough impression of the Sleeping Beauty Castle on her left. That’s the one in Paris, if you’re wondering. She visits at least once a year. On her right, her dolly is lying discarded. He’s doing a very good job being patient. His eyes are closed, since he’s laying down. His breathing is shallow. I did see him tense his arms and legs a few moments ago, necessary to avoid cramping. But I can’t fault him, he’s playing his part perfectly and if Eleanor has noticed his occasional movement then she hasn’t said anything. When we started playing this game, she was carefully directing his movements with her hands. She drank a cup of sweet iced-tea, poured from a pink plastic tea pot. And then guided his hand, his cup, to his lips and had him sip. Her dolly hates iced tea, especially with copious amounts of peach flavoured syrup stirred in. His tea usually comes hot, with milk and white sugar. She was careless with directing his jaw and he dribbled most of it down himself. One little sharp exhale was his only reaction to the chilled beverage splashing over his chest and down between his legs. He really is a very good dolly. At least when Mama’s watching. “Hey Princess, Mama’s going to get herself a cup of coffee. Do you want something else to drink?” “No Mama, I’m not thirsty.” “Are you sure? You’ve hardly had anything to drink,” I tell her. To emphasise why I’m asking, I kneel behind her and slide my hand up the back of her skirt. She goes very still as I crinkle her diaper, squeezing the front, “Still dry. I’ll fill up your sippy cup.” I don’t see her rolling her eyes, but here, “Okay Mama,” is delivered with the long-suffering sigh of a preschooler who just wants to be left alone to play. So that’s what I do. When I come back into the room, with my hands full, my little princess Eleanor is lying on her back. Her cheeks are flushed and her arms are wrapped around herself. When she sees me she squeaks with indignation, “Mama, my dolly was bad.” “Princess, don’t be silly. Dollies can’t be good or bad. They’re just dollies.” “No he is. He is bad. Really, really naughty. He tickled me!” I laugh. I have to laugh. What kind of grownup would believe such a story? But it’s good to encourage imagination, and it’s fun to play pretend with little ones, “Ah… I see. Did your dolly really tickle you, baby girl? Is that what made you go tinkle?” “Mama, no, please… it wasn’t an accident. The dolly made me do it.” “Princess, I don’t mind playing along with you and making up stories. You have a wonderful imagination but it isn’t nice to fib.” “I’m not, I’m not!” “That’s enough. Here, I got you more of your favourite peachy-drink. Take a big sip for me, okay?” Eleanor takes the sippy-cup from my hand, no snatching, and brings it up to her lips to hide her pout. She stays flat on her back and drinks deeply. Her feet are pulled up so they’re almost touching her bottom, though her layers of skirts are still covering up her diaper. I like knowing that she wet herself while I was gone, that she has openly admitted it. And that there’s no hint of the humiliation I had once assumed must come with such an infantile act. I think she might be squeezing her thighs together as she works on the drink I gave her, making the wet diaper press against her vulva. On other days like this one, I’ve rested the sole of my foot against the front of her padding and had her grind against it. I’ve told her she’s a dirty little girl as she humped Mama’s foot, and had her echo it back to me. Saying “Yes, Mama. I am. I’m a dirty little girl, I’m all soggy. I just couldn’t hold it,” without a hint of embarrassment. If I had her do the same thing naked, rubbing her clitoris with my toes, she wouldn’t be able to look at me for a month. The dolly is essentially in the exact position he was lying in when I went to the kitchen. I’m a detail oriented person. If you spend every hour of every working week watching monitors, looking for things out of place, then you have to be. You wouldn’t have caught Danaerys Targaryan with a takeaway coffee cup on my watch. He’s lying on his right side, but his left hand is down by his waist now. It was under his chin, but I doubt Eleanor noticed the difference. He must like this new game an awful lot, to be putting in so much effort. I sit back on the sofa and go back to flipping through a novel. Eleanor rolls over and goes back to her colouring book. She’s putting a lot of effort into getting the highlights in the Tiana’s hair just right, trying to make it look more like her own. Even Tiana’s usual light green dress has been shaded gold and lavender to match the one my own princess is wearing. When its finished, this one is probably going on the refrigerator. I know what I have to do now. It’s essential that the grownup leave the room, and it’s fun to not know exactly what to expect when I return. The whole scenario was Elle’s idea and when they explained it to me together they could barely suppress their giggling to get the words out. This is a pretty common way for us all to play together. We’re well past negotiating scripted scenes like we did in the early days. We can assume roles we’ve played before and improvise, like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. My life is pretty, pretty, pretty… good. So I think of an excuse to leave the room again, “Say babygirl… I think I’d like a cookie. Do you want one too, as a treat?” “Ooh… are they double-chocolate, or triple-chocolate?” “They’re chocolate, for sure.” “Hmmm… nah. I mean, no thank you. Maybe after dinner.” “That’s a good choice princess. I’ll be right back.” took a moment to check my messages in the kitchen. When I finally return, disaster has befallen the sitting room. The markers are strewn all over the floor, some rolling away under the furniture. Sleeping Beauty’s Castle is once again a pile of wooden blocks. Princess Eleanor is sitting up, holding the tattered remains of her colouring page, sobbing with real tears. The dolly is face down on the armchair with his bottom in the air. There's a scarlet handprint on his naked bottom and I have a pretty good idea what happened while I was gone. “Ellie-Bean! Why did you tear up your picture? You worked so hard on it!” “I di-i-dn't…” the wailing cry is punctuated by deep, gasping breaths, “it was that mean, mean do-olly, Ma-mama. He tore up it, and he broke my caaa-stle!” This is all within the proper rules of the game, of course. I do wonder which of them decided the picture would get ruined. Dolly isn't the vindictive sort, but he does like to show off for me. “Little one, this lying really doesn't suit you. It looks like you hit your dolly, and then threw him over on the chair. And your pens, and your blocks, and everything else.” “It wasn't! I didn't! It was the… it was him!” “Eleanor Emani Green, are you really answering back with more lying? What has gotten into you today?” “Mama I'm not. I'm not lying, he ripped it up and he…” “That is enough,” I interrupt, finally raising my voice a touch. She falls silent as I cut her off but shows her frustration by balling up the shreds of paper she’s holding. “I think you’ve punished yourself enough by ruining your drawing, but if I catch you lying to me again you are going over my knee. Do you understand?” “Yeah.” “Is that how a Princess speaks? Where are your manners?” “Yes. Mama. I understand,” she spits out acidically. I had been fighting an overwhelming urge to cuddle her up, kiss, and console her, all fueled by her tear-stained cheeks. But that dissipates in an instant. The dolly is shaking with suppressed laughter behind her. We all know where this game is going, and I can’t wait to let it happen. But I’ll correct him for this weakness eventually. I know the cane is effective, though dressing him as Eleanor’s baby doll and having him practise the part for the rest of the weekend would also help him develop this new talent. The crib is absolutely big enough for the both of them. “I’m going to get a few things so we can clean up. You’re going to help, do you understand?” “Yes Mama,” is delivered with the same venom as before. When she does get her spanking I’ll pull out all the stops. It actually takes me a moment to find the dustpan and brush. Shaun has apparently installed a few hooks on the back of the utility room door and a number of useful household tools and cleaning supplies are hanging there, hidden away. I take the time to wonder how long it has been since I did any real cleaning, that I didn’t notice this. Is that where the bottle of laundry detergent always sat? Did I always buy these biodegradable cleaning sponges? Between the three of them, my pets cover about half of the mortgage. We rotate paying for groceries each week. Eleanor shells out for the fastest internet connection that’s available in our location. They do the chores that need to be done, and Shaun gets off on doing the lion’s share. I make sure that I make some noise on my way back to the sitting room, so they know I’m coming. I clatter the dustpan and brush together, and call out to ask my little princess if she’s ready to help me pick up her toys. When I come back into the room the Dolly is the one lying down, probably exhausted. This time his breathing is deep, as if he’s recovering from some strenuous activity. The accessory between his legs, the one Ken doesn’t have, is flying at half-mast. Eleanor has a sticky white glaze all over her lips and chin. She doesn’t miss a beat with her accusations. “Mama, mama… that’s awful, mean Dolly… he did the worst thing, when you were gone. The worst.” “Baby girl… think very carefully about what you say next.” “No Mama, Mama… please listen? He put his thing in my mouth. His boy-thing.” “Eleanor, please don’t do this. Dollies don’t have boy-things and girl-things. They’re smooth all over.” “Mama, stop it. Stop being a stupid, stupid grownup and listen for one second.” Now it’s my turn to deploy the same venom that she used with me, before I left the room. I bellow out my one-word command to “Stop,” and let it hang in the air. I enjoy her performative look of shock, the way she instantly falls silent. “Stop it. Right this instant, and give me your hand,” I tell her. She puts both wrists behind her back and starts protesting loudly. “No, no Mama. I swear I’ll be good!” “It’s far too late for that. You’ve been lying to me all day.” I grab a hold of one of her wrists and twist her arm. I’m careful to not use it to lever her up onto her feet, but firm enough that she really has no choice but to move. “I don’t think you’re a princess at all. I think you’re just a naughty little girl who doesn’t know how to be polite.” “Mama, please… can’t we just put the dolly back in his box? Can’t we take him back to the shop and get another one?” “Do you really think you deserve new toys after today?” I let myself fall back onto the sofa and bring Elle with me. I start arranging her petticoat and skirt so I have access to her thighs. The copious frills are all bunched up at the small of her back, where I’m still holding her hand in a hammer lock. “No Mama. No, I don’t want new toys… I don’t want a spanking… I just want that stupid, mean dolly to go away. Put him on the garden wall so someone else will take him home. Please Mama, anything, just please listen?” I love it. I love all of it. There’s so much, all this pleading desperation, this wretched litany. I know I’m not to believe a word of it, even though the dolly’s spent cock is right there in front of me. Even though his cum is smeared all over my little one’s face. The thing I’m looking forward to most is when she stops complaining, and starts crying real tears.

Ad me to the diaper porn, poop and sexual anatomy Also pampers, half naked and panties showing under skirts, public, exposure/exhibitionism, Diapers without rubber panties In the 'personality". Things that I know cannot be IRL like a 2 year old who knows she is a girl a 5 year old "baby". Persons who claim to be "adult baby" fbecause jit maes them feel "loved" and "secure" when I know that babies are not capable of thise feelings, in shor, things that are obfiously PHONY and just adult feelings superimposed on the "baby" role. I know the adult is imposing itself on the "baby" and that is readable form 25 parsecs out. That is why I am NOT an "adult baby" but rather, an AK/Very Little Girl

Have to agree with you on Diaper Porn. I also have a special hatred reserved for videos that involve vibrator wands in diapers, they’re the most cliché, boring, lazy and unoriginal video someone can make in my opinion. Diaper crotch shots are another thing I can’t stand. To be honest I think profile photos of diaper crotches are a bit uncouth and people who start Patreons or go on Twitter ETC and only ever post endless diaper crotch photos are lazy and unimaginative content creators in my opinion. Also this is a bit ageist but to be honest I'm not into middle-aged hairy old men modelling diapers: that's a turn off, not against them being part of the ABDL community as much as anyone else and all that, but if I wanna see cute photos or videos I'd rather see young attractive adults personally.

Hi, Just wanted to know how many other real bedwetters are out there. I never really stopped wetting the bed. Tried to stop using meds once and hated it. Would much rather wear a nice thick nappy to bed than take the meds. Who else out there is a real bedwetter?

I don't have younger siblings so I don't have the same cause, but I do remember having an accident at preschool and getting changed in a back room where it turned out they had diapers for the kids who weren't pottybtrain yet. That was mind blowing, I guess my mom told me I had to be out of diapers if I wanted to go to preschool. Being a naive 3/4 year old I believed her.

There are so many ways and ideas I have where you could be taking this. Yet I’m also sure none of them are right ha! Loving the whole slow-burn on this story, and I’m sure it won’t just end the second she actually gets pull ups. 3 things I think may happen: - She gets a pull up/diaper for a night from someone else but not her parents (a tease for what’s to come) - the parents bedwetting is key to how they handled Grace and how much they will delay pull ups - there will be a twist once she actually gets protection that she won’t necessarily enjoy at first. (My guess is she is treated more like a baby) really love all your works and will continue to eagerly await each update. You have inspired me to get back into writing as well so thank you for your efforts!

I decided to copy the following over from another thread, because I was once again summarizing my "origin story" for the resurrection of a thread from 2020 that had new life breathed into it, about how we came across our unusual fascination with babies' underpants, when I had a bit of an epiphany regarding what might have kicked "this" off, in addition to being a chronic and accomplished bedwetter as a kid. I think I may have delved a little into this before, but as I hurdle towards my 5 year "diaperversary", perhaps I have worded more succinctly here, than I did in previous go arounds. The epiphany centers on the fact that I was likely being potty trained, just around when my little brother was born: It's been interesting reading through this resurrection of an older thread! I knew that I loved diapers before I knew that I loved diapers, because "this" has been part of me from my earliest memories. Dabbling in armchair developmental psychology, if I had to speculate, I would say that the origins of my fascination with wearing plastic baby pants probably stem from being potty trained when my younger brother was an infant - he was born right around when I was going through that process. I have zero recollection of this, of course, but it is probable that I was being weaned off of wearing diapers, just as the new arrival came into the house, and obviously took up a lot of my parents' attentional bandwidth (as babies do). It's not hard to imagine the scenario - I was put on the fast track out of babyhood because they had a demanding new customer to deal with, and I probably noted what felt, at the time, like a decline in attention or positive feedback, coupled with added expectations. Meanwhile, the new guy had zero responsibilities, got nothing but glowing reports, and of course, he spent his days laying around the house, swaddled in Pampers. Meanwhile, nobody knew it yet, but I was on track towards becoming a champion bedwetter. I mastered daytime potty training on a normal schedule, but could not stay dry overnight. Fast-forward another three years, and the situation went from "He's taking his time figuring out staying dry overnight" to "Evidently, this is an issue." When my younger brother did not struggle with bedwetting, my situation came into sharp relief - they were putting him to bed at 3 years old in his "big boy underwear", while I was still being put in Pampers at age 6. Once I was the only person in the house whose underpants still came in boxes of 30, the campaign to get me out of them went into high gear, with dry night sticker charts and ticker-tape celebrations, and waking up to go pee in the middle of the night and no drinks after dinner, but to no avail - it would take another 4.5 years, roughly, before I could stay dry for more than a couple of nights in a row. Now, some of you may be thinking, "Imagine that, the kid who secretly liked wearing diapers kept wetting the bed... clever boy!", but, I have zero recollection of ever contriving to wet the bed deliberately, in order to stay in diapers. As much as I secretly loved wearing them, I also wanted my parents to be proud of me, and I was paralyzed with anxiety over the idea that my friends, cousins, or anyone, would find out that my I still wore taped-on underpants to bed when I was 7,8,9, & 10. One of my eternal regrets is that I didn't think of doing exactly that, when I finally did outgrow bedwetting, because it took me about a month to realize that no longer having a supply chain for "legitimately sourced" babies' underpants had created a major hole in my life and in my psyche. Ergo, I started manufacturing my own, using safety pins and pillow cases and towels and cut up plastic bags, by the time I was 11. However, as much as I finally confirmed, with no uncertainty, that I had a weird attraction to diapers, when I started getting up in the middle of the night to handcraft my own, I already basically knew that, because I'd had an instinct for as long as I could remember, that the expectation was for me to not be enjoying wearing them to bed as non-toddler, to the point that I pantomimed resistance at times, but, here's the thing - most of the time, I actually wanted to wear them. With the exception of whenever anyone outside of my immediate family was around. Then, they were a source of tremendous anxiety. Plus, I was fascinated by anyone else who wore diapers, and I used to steal any that I could get my hands on, even though I had my own. I was friends with a little girl when I was 5-8 years old roughly, whom my parents called my first crush, who wore diapers - that's what inspired my pen name on this site. I was absolutely riveted by her, whenever she was around, even though, logically, a kid knotted up with anxiety over anyone discovering that he wore diapers to bed should have been trying to put miles of daylight between himself, and the strange little girl that everyone knew wore diapers. But I used to follow her around like a puppy on a leash, because part of me wanted to be her, while part of me wanted what every other kid wants - to grow up and be considered "big" and for their parents to be proud of them, etc. It's a rich tapestry, this! Now, here I am, four decades later, sitting in my office in a big white plastic diaper, writing about them with a cadre of like-minded individuals, which in itself is a paradigm shift akin to the invention of electricity for me, because I spent more than three decades firm in the belief that I was alone on this island, a population of one.

That's why we change diapers before they leak. I prefer medium capacity diapers even though I have to change them more often than high capacity diapers. These become too thick, less discreet and more uncomfortable when they become saturated. But that is of course a personal choice.

Hello there! Chapter 7 is finally here! This chapter in particular is a pretty "spicy" one, and I had a blast putting it together. I hope you enjoy, and please continue reading after the chapter for a quick update. With that said, here is Chapter 7, and, as always, thank you for reading. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 7: Hurts So Good (CW: Diaper Wetting, Diaper Messing, Spanking, Enema, Oral Sex) June 4th, 2023. 1:41pm A…a spanking? This early? Mommy pats her lap, ushering me to lie across it. “But Mommy, why am I being punished?” I mumble behind the pacifier. “Oh, is my baby confused? Let me clear that up for you then,” She stands up and looks into my eyes. While the height difference between us is only an inch, I can feel her towering over me. “You stayed out late last night, and didn’t think to text me beyond ‘I’ll take an Uber’. You came home drunk, and along with the scent of alcohol, your clothes reeked of cigarette smoke. You then threw up your overindulgence, and the cherry on top? You leaked all over the bathroom floor. Not to mention, you’ve already broken the “no talking” command I gave you. These are all very naughty things. And who do you think is responsible for that? I’ll let you answer.” I feel my sense of shame return, but it’s not alone. I feel…Little. Being talked down to like this, having my misdeeds listed before me, is making me feel incredibly small. “It…it’s my responsibility, Mommy.” She lets out a rather large laugh and places her hand on my head. “Oh no, my silly girl. It’s my responsibility. Mommy needs to teach you right from wrong, to help guide you when needed, and to punish you when necessary.” Oh goddess, my heart won’t stop beating. “So, I’ll say it again; you need to be punished. Now are you going to be a good girl and get over my lap, or are you going to keep being naughty?” Is…is she testing me? I can see it written all over her. This is her way of asking me how I want this scene to go. Well, if I’m going to be a baby, I might as well act like one. “NO! I don’t wanna spanking!” I stomp my foot, capping off my tantrum with the disrespectful act. “I see my baby is going to be a brat today. Well so be it,” Mommy grabs my hand and marches me over to the chair. Pushing me over her lap. I can feel her hand rubbing against my padded rear. “I would say this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, but Mommy doesn’t tell lies.” A thwap rings through the air, her hand making contact with the diaper. That…didn’t hurt. The cushy material acts as a great insulator for the spanks, with only a slight tingling making its way through the protection. As a series of spanks continue to come, I begin to giggle, and Mommy takes notice. “I’m glad this is funny to you, 'cause this is the warm-up,” She reaches her hand out towards the floor, reaching into a large duffle bag. Rummaging through, she pulls out a wooden paddle, roughly 8 inches in length excluding the handle. “This is where your real spanking begins.” I feel the oak instrument brush against me, rubbing in circles, around and around, until a sudden swat has me flinch. OW! Okay, I felt that one. Even through the diaper, I can feel the sting across my cheeks. Swat after swat makes contact, and I can feel a warmth start to build in my rear. It hurts, but for some reason, it feels good. I don’t want it to stop! Mommy bends her head over, and I can feel her breath on my neck. “Green?” she whispers to me. “Green. Very Green.” I reply. “Such a naughty girl! I don’t think I’m getting through to you, but don’t fret. I have just the thing to fix that,” Her hand grabs hold of the back of my diaper, tugging it down, exposing my bare bottom to the air. “Are you ready sweetie?” I don’t have time to reply, as the spanking begins anew. FUCK! I can feel THAT! It hurts…but it hurts so good! Leaning into my role, I wriggle my legs, kicking them up and down in faux protest. “Don’t struggle Little One, you’ll only make this worse for yourself.” Good, that’s what I’m hoping. As the onslaught on my skin continues, I begin to feel another sensation build. Not now bladder! Having not gone since last night's incident, the urge is strong. “Mo…Mommy, stop. I need to go potty!” But she doesn’t stop. The spanking continues, and my desperation grows. “You’re not getting out of your punishment that easily. You can hold it until we’re finished. Now no talking, you little brat.” An especially strong swat tells me what I need to know; the spanking will continue, and I shouldn’t ask again. It seems like the spanking will never end at this point, the pace only growing faster, the whacks only growing stronger. I know I won’t be able to hold it much longer, so I don’t. I release the floodgates, trusting the front of my diaper to contain it all. Mommy stops her assault, taking note of the warmth emanating on her lap. “Didn’t I just tell you to hold it? Unbelievable! I guess you’re going to need a few more spanks to learn how to behave.” The combination of the warm pee and the punishment is becoming too much to bear. I can feel myself growing large, my erection poking into her lap. The wiggling from the spanking only adds to the increase in my gratification. I don’t know how much longer I can last. She whispers in my ear once more. “I can feel you getting hard baby. It’s okay, you can do what you need to do.” With the message received, she resumes her work with the paddle. Oh, oh goddess, I’m about to cum. I’m going to cum from being spanked, wearing my soaked diaper. What a naughty girl I am! Mommy brings her arm back, unleashing the hardest spanks so far. She begins to speak, enunciating each word with another smack of the paddle. “This! Is! What! Naughty! Little! Brats! Deserve!” That was all it took. The combination of emotions and sensations has reached its climax, and I release what little control I have. The tip of my penis, now tilted to the top of my diaper from the struggle, begins to shoot load after load onto Mommy’s lap. Time seems to have no meaning, but eventually, I fall limp, resting on her cum covered lap. Mommy begins to rub the small of my back, calming me down from my lust-filled high. “That’s it baby, good job taking your punishment. Such a good girl.” I can feel a cool liquid being applied to my backside, lotion I presume. Her fingers work the soothing balm into my stinging ass, instantly relieving part of the soreness. For a few minutes, I sit there, enjoying the gentle message of the aftercare. I can feel her hands remove from my cheeks and onto my shoulders. “Okay baby, stand up for me, will you?” I follow her command, and I feel the slight sag of the diaper, backside still tugged neatly underneath my butt. We both look down at her dress, noticing the white stains covering the front. “Such a dirty girl Roxie. Look at the mess you made. I think it’s time to move on to the second part of your punishment,” Shit, there’s more? Mommy grabs me by the hand and leads me to the corner, guiding my face towards the wall. “Now stay here until I say otherwise, and don’t even think about rubbing your bottom.” I can hear the door to the nursery open before closing once again. While I’m tempted to disobey, I keep my hands to my side, not daring to soothe my aching butt. The first few minutes pass quickly enough, but as time marches forward, I can feel my patience beginning to wane. Outside of the room, I think I can make out some miscellaneous noises: the sound of shoes across tile, the opening of cabinets, and…the running of the faucet? What could E…Mommy be planning? I don’t have to wait much longer for my answer, as I can hear the door behind me open once more. I can feel her approach, and tempted as I may be to turn around, I keep my nose in the corner. I can hear what I believe to be the sound of the crib’s rails lowering, along with noises I can’t quite discern. The noise quotes, and I hear Mommy begin to speak. “Okay Little One, turn around for me.” I do as I’m told, and I take a look at Mommy, her simple black dress having been replaced with a pink, long-sleeved shirt and mom jeans. She’s leaning hard into the “Contemporary” Mommy look. I can feel a little twitch beneath my diaper, my member not having the energy to resume full-mast, but still excited by the sight before me. “Can you make your way over to me sweetie?” I begin to take a single step, but Mommy holds out her hand. “Not like that, Little One. You’re a baby right now, and babies crawl, don’t they?” Oh, how I love this woman. I get down on all fours and clumsily make my way over to her, my reddened cheeks facing the sky. As I reach my destination, I look up at her, radiant as always, and I can’t help but feel like an actual baby. I watch as she bends over, and am surprised when she scoops me into her arms. “Wow Mommy, I’m surprised you can pick me up.” “Thank you, baby, but it’s really not a challenge. You’ve lost a lot of weight these last couple of years,” She’s right of course, but it still hurts to hear. When we first met, I could’ve been described as somewhat pudgy, and it caused…well there were a lot of issues that came with that. So I worked on myself, not for the expectations of the world, but for me. I started running on the treadmill, switched from regular soda to diet, and opted for fewer calories in my meals. I thought I made pretty good progress, but if Emma could pick me up this easily, perhaps I might want to consider putting some weight back on. “Alright, let’s get you in your crib!” But it’s still light out! I didn’t want the fun to end so quickly. “Mommy, I’m not tired yet.” She gently lays me down on my stomach, and I can feel the crinkle of the plastic sheet beneath the bedding, adorned with cartoonish images of teddy bears and letter blocks. “Don’t fret, it’s not quite bedtime for you yet.” She points up to the headboard of the bed, and I understand what she means. Hanging above me is a silicone bag, a shade of red deeper than my rear end. From the bag, a thin white hose extends feet in length, ending in a long tip. I know what it is from personal experience. I am no stranger to Enemas, having used them for years at this point. After all, it’s a necessary part of anal; being able to clean your insides out. “It’s time for your medicine baby. You have so many yucky toxins in your body that we have to clear out,” She pauses, waiting to see if I have any objection, before picking up the tip. She reaches into her pocket, pulls out a small canister of petroleum jelly, and liberally applies it to the nozzle. “Alright, take a breath for me, darling.” I feel the nozzle slip through my back door, and with a click, warm water begins filling my insides. I breathe in and out, letting the familiar cramps pass by as the lower part of my abdomen begins to bulge out. The water goes from a steady stream, to a light flow, and finally to just a few drops trickling into me. The tip is removed from my anus, and I clench my muscles tight, letting just a single drop escape my body. Letting the hose hang over the rail of the crib, Mommy then takes my diaper in hand, pulling the bottom back into place. I can feel the churning inside my colon, begging for an escape. “Mommy, I hafta go poop. Can I pwease use the potty?” I hope my use of baby talk may persuade her, but it falls on deaf ears. “You’re wearing your potty, silly. But I’ll tell you what. I have to get dinner started, so I’m going to leave you in the crib. If I come back and you haven’t filled your diaper, I’ll consider letting you use the potty.” She raises the side rail, sealing me inside the infantile bed, before walking out towards the kitchen, giving me one last look as the door closes behind her. I can feel the cramps increasing at a breakneck pace. Please cook fast Emma. *** Minutes seem to pass like hours, each moment becoming more agonizing. At this point, my stomach is screaming at me, demanding me to release it from its struggles. I don’t think I can hold out much longer. A thought strikes me; So why hold out? You’re a baby, aren’t you? So why don’t you just let go, and let your diaper handle the mess? My inner monologue makes a great point. Why try to fight it any longer? Sure, I haven’t ever released an enema into a diaper before, but would it be so different than just messing like usual? Mid thought, another cramp in my stomach tells me it's time. Even if Mommy were to come back in right now, I don’t think I’d be able to make my way to the hallway, let alone the toilet, without releasing. I get on my knees, spreading my legs apart, and with a crouch, I push. It takes a moment for anything to happen, but as soon as the liquidy mess makes its way to the entrance, my pushing results in an immediate wave rushing out from within me. The sounds of wet farts echo from the walls as more and more of the mess makes its way into my diaper’s seat. As soon as I thought the worst was over, another wave would make its way out, until finally, nothing remained inside me. I let out a sigh of relief, happy to have the mixture out of my body. I crank my head around, doing the best I can to assess the damage. The back of the diaper, once a solid, pristine white, was now a splotchy mess of different shades of brown. The diaper had done its job, evident by the layer of brownish water making its way toward the top of the absorbent material. I wonder… I get onto my hands and feet, entering into a crab-like position, before lowering my rear onto the bedding. Making contact, I can feel the mess shift around as my body comes to rest, making its way into whatever crevices it can reach. Oh my goddess, this will NOT be the last time I do this. I shift my weight back and forth, grinding the diaper beneath me. I’m a bit worried about leaks, but while the diaper is rather full, it seems to be holding up rather well to the movement. My grinding is interrupted by the creak of the door. In walks Mommy, holding her nose with one hand and waving the air with another. “Well, I guess that means you couldn’t hold it,” she walks over to the crib, lowers the rails, and cups the back of my diaper, checking its used status. “Such a big load you made for Mommy. Good girl.” She gives me a few gentle pats on the rear, careful not to spread the mess too much. “How about I get you changed, and we can eat dinner?” Here I am, grinding away in a lust-filled stupor, and she’s worked diligently to make us food. It’s more than that though. Throughout all of this, all Emma has done is make sure that I’ve been satisfied with our arrangement. I wish I could do something for her. I suckle on my pacifier as I think about this, and the eureka moment hits me. Duh, Roxie. I’ll just do what babies do best; putting things in their mouths. I grab Emma’s hand and pull her into the crib, catching her by surprise. “Wh…what are you doing, baby? We’ve got…” I take a page from her book, placing my finger on her lips. I gently raise the hem of her shirt, exposing her bra. “Oh, I think I get it.” She raises her arms, allowing me to remove the shirt from her body. I reach behind her chest, fumbling with the straps before the sexy garment finally falls free. I take a brief look at her breasts; even now, after all these years, I’m enamored with their size and shape. They put my A-cups to shame. I remove the pacifier from my lips and bring my mouth towards her nipple, letting my warm breath fall across the surface. She shudders in response, and I place my lips over her teat, suckling in that way that I know drives her crazy. “Oh, fu…fuck baby, keep doing that. Keep sucking on Mommy’s tit.” she gasps, and I’m more than happy to oblige her request. I work my tongue into the mix, extracting a moan from her mouth for my efforts. I take my hand and bring it up to her other breast, working my fingers around the area, gently squeezing as I go along. I hear cries of affirmation escaping her throat, so I continue, keeping up the pace. I hear her voice finally come to the surface. “Baby, Mommy…Mommy needs you. She needs to feel your mouth.” Damn, that was quick. I guess she’s more turned on by this than I thought. I’m not one to deny her request though. I remove her nipple from my mouth, a string of saliva bridging the surfaces. I proceed to carry out a series of pecks down her body, leaving a trail of black marks from my lipstick. Upon reaching her abdomen, I put my fingers to work and unbutton her pants, pulling the zipper down to reveal more of her skin. I tenderly slide them down her thighs, revealing her bright pink thong. Holy shit, that’s hot. I bring my lips to her folds, placing kisses along the entrance. “Roxie, please don’t tease me right now! I need this…need you.” The go-ahead was given, and I place my face between her thighs, lapping away at her core. She cries out, rasping at the air, and clenches her thighs around my head. “Oh fuck! Roxie, I’m so close, just a bit more baby.” I delve my tongue deeper inside, allowing the slow and steady strokes to build in pace. Hearing her cooes of pleasure urge me further, and I bring the tips of my fingers over her clit, providing her with simultaneous waves of pleasure. “FUCK! OH GOD, I’M COMING!” Her desperate cries blurting out into the air, I can feel her legs wrapping around my head, pushing me further inside her warm embrace. Her back arched out, I can sense the spasms radiating through her body. Her crevice tightens around me and I can feel my tastebuds being coated in her ejaculate. Her body calms itself, and my head is released from her limbs. I take a hard gasp of air, letting my lungs fill themselves back up. I can feel her cum coated over my lips, which I gladly lick, enjoying the taste. I look down at Emma, skin covered in a radiant glow, beads of sweat trickling from her brow. Still conscious, but reeling from the aftermath, she utters an unintelligible word of gratitude. I lay down across her chest, being spent myself, before giving her a peck on the lips, allowing her a taste of her nectar. “You’re welcome, Amore.” I collapse into her, and feel my eyes close. For this brief moment, let us rest. *** I’m unsure of the passage of time, but I awaken from our post-coital nap to see the setting sun through the window, basking the room in its orange glow. I can feel Emma shifting beneath me, perhaps the source of my awakening. “You have a good nap, Mommy?” My question is returned with a smooch, and I can see the pure elation on her face. “Thank you, Roxie. That…I needed that.” “Anytime my love. Now, I hate to kill the mood, but my diaper REALLY needs to be changed.” The smell has permeated the air at this point, creating a slightly unpleasant odor. “Okay baby, let’s get that taken care of.” She gently guides me off her chest, stretching her limbs out as she exits the crib. Holding out her arms, I make my way into them, wrapping my legs around her waist. I bury my head into her neck, enjoying the moment of being held by Mommy. Ever so gently, she lays me across the plastic top of the changing table. I can feel the mess spread itself all over again, but I decide not to worry about it. Mommy will take care of me. Walking over to the shelves, she grabs a fresh diaper, as well as a small bin, over to the table. Looking inside, I can see a wide array of changing supplies: powder, baby oil, wipes, everything that is surely needed to deal with the nuclear disaster inside my diaper. Ripping off the tapes one at a time, I avert my eyes to the sight within. I don’t want to see that. I feel the front of the diaper come forward, the stench becoming stronger whilst exposed to the air. “Pee-yew. Someone made a big stinky for Mommy, didn’t she?” Her gentle cooes help alleviate my disposition, making me feel 10 times better about the mess. Taking a wet wipe in hand, she holds it between her palms for a moment, allowing her body heat to warm it up. Lifting my legs upwards with her spare hand, she places the wipe between my cheeks, and I can feel her removing as much of the mess as she can. Throwing the used wipe into the diaper, she grabs a second one, repeating the process. After going through about a dozen wipes, she slides the diaper out from underneath my raised body, setting my legs down with care. She proceeds to wrap up the used garment, taking care to not spill any of the mess within. Tying the sides into a cute little know, I watch her grab a diaper disposal bag from the bin and place the soiled diaper inside. She then ties the bag shut and tosses the bag underneath the changing table. I hear a thunk of plastic on plastic, realizing that the old trash can still be underneath the desk. She really thought of everything. Picking up the new diaper, Mommy folds it open and gives me a light tap on the thigh. I raise my hips, allowing her to slide the change underneath me. “Look at you, being such a good girl right now. If only you could behave like this all the time.” I roll my eyes at the teasing remark and allow her to begin powdering my privates. She works her fingers around, spreading the substance evenly around my skin. She grabs a single wet wipe from the pack and uses it to clean the remnants of the powder from her fingers before tossing it in the trash. “Alright sweetie, last step! Do you want to help Mommy with the tapes?” With a blush, I nod my head, instantly slipping into my little headspace. She brings the front into place, allowing me the honor of doing the tape job. Now tightly secured to my waist, Mommy grabs my hand and helps me off of the changing table. “Now let’s get you into some more… age-appropriate clothes, shall we?” Hand in hand, she walks me over to the closet. Flicking the switch, I take notice of the changes made to the inside. What used to be a space for the storage of clothes, most never to be worn again, has been emptied out. The racks look bare, with only a couple of outfits adorning the hangers. Upon closer inspection, I realize that it wasn’t just “a couple of outfits”, but MY little clothes hanging up. “I know it looks a bit barren right now, but I’m sure we can fill it out with all sorts of new clothes for my beautiful baby,” The sound of obtaining new clothes perks me up, removing that last bit of sluggishness from the nap. “Now pick out what you want to wear, unless you want to just wear a diaper.” Just…a diaper? No, no more impure thoughts brain! I glance over my options, knowing them well, and decide to go with a classic. I pull the black skull onesie from the hanger. After all, it’s now my favorite piece. Remembering that moment just days ago brings a small tear to my eye. I was first accepted while wearing this onesie, and now, it shall remain in my heart as a cherished item. “Good choice love, now let’s get that yucky grown-up shirt off of you.” Taking the shirt from my hands, we begin to walk out of the closet. I can see the significance of my choice is lost on her, but it doesn’t matter. Guiding me back into the main room of the nursery, she places the onesie down for a moment, raising my arms up into place. I feel the cotton slip off over my head, and the chill of the evening covering my nude form. “Don’t worry, you’ll be nice and toasty soon.” I watch her open the snaps of the onesie, the satisfying pops ringing out. That sound never gets old to me. She begins working my arms through the holes, before finally sliding it down over my head. With a tug, the material evens itself out, and Mommy gets to work snapping the clothing back up, encompassing my fresh change in the black-dyed cloth. She takes my hand once more, and guides me to the mirror on the nursery door, allowing me to gaze upon myself. I look so…pretty. Except for my hair. It was admittedly a mess right now, sticking up in several different directions. I see her take notice as well. “Now that won’t do. How about I fix your hair up real quick?” *** Reminder to self: next time you eat her out, wear a damn hair tie! An agonizing 20 minutes of detangling, brushing, and conditioning later, my hair is back to its usual self. I guess you could call this a ‘fun’ bonding experience. Every time the brush made contact with a know, I’d yelp out in pain, resulting in about a thousand ‘Sorry’s from Emma. “Okay baby, that was rough, but we made it through relatively unscathed! How about we finally eat dinner? I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.” My stomach growls in response. Yeah, I guess I really haven’t eaten today. “Sure, I could eat right now.” We exit the bathroom, my body waddling behind Mommy as we make our way to the kitchen. I watch as she pulls out a chair, beckoning me to sit. Taking my seat, she pushes the chair into the table for me. I’m getting the royal treatment today! “Alright sweetie, I’ll be back in just a moment with the food. Sit tight!” I watch her disappear through the walkway that separates the small dining section from the rest of the kitchen. I wonder what’s for dinner? Maybe she made her Chicken Cacciatore, oh or maybe some Spaghetti Bolognese! I can’t wait to dig in! Mere moments later, I see Emma return empty-handed, her face flushed. “So…bad news. I thought I left the stove on low, but apparently, I turned it off, so the Bolognese is ruined,” NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! CURSE YOU, CRUEL WORLD! “But here’s the good news! We needed to go and grab your car for tomorrow anyway, so why don’t we go out to eat? We can make it a date night!” “Um, sure Em, but what about my outfit?” I was just starting to get used to wearing my onesie around her, but I guess I’ll have to get changed. “First, that’s Mommy to you, and second, just throw a pair of jeans and a jacket on. With other clothes, it will just look like a normal T-shirt, so what’s the use in changing? She makes a good point. I guess, to the average onlooker, it would appear to be nothing more than a shirt with a cartoon skull on the front, and I guess it would help cover up my diaper while out. “Okay Mommy, let me throw some stuff on, and we’ll go.” *** I looked myself over in the mirror once more, wanting to make sure my outfit was sufficiently covered. Wearing a diaper underneath my usual clothes was one thing, but leaving the house in a diaper and onesie has me a tad paranoid. The black jeans, simple in design, do well to conform to my current fit, and the black leather jacket, a size up from my standard wear, does a fantastic job covering my rear. I can’t even tell what I’m wearing underneath. Applying a fresh coat of black lipstick, I’m satisfied with the look of my “adult” self. I grab my purse from the counter and make my way to the front door. Emma is already there waiting for me, opting to keep her outfit from earlier on. “Alright, all set sweetie?” “Yes Mommy, now let’s go, I’m absolutely famished.” “Big words for such a little girl. Okay, let’s go.” She opens up the door, stepping into the cool air of the autumn evening, her hair swaying slightly in the breeze. She smiles at me, and I take a step out the door to follow her. I don’t know what the future has in store for us, but I do know one thing; I’ll have my Mommy every step of the way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello Everyone, I hope you enjoyed Chapter 7 of Embracing Oneself I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I hope you had just as much fun reading it. I just wanted to give a quick heads up about the next 2 chapters. The chapter following this one will be the first of the "side chapters", which will focus on how Roxie and Emma first met. It may be a tough read for some, but I believe that reading it will give a lot of insight into the character's pasts and motivations. Chapter 8, however, will go back to the main story, and will essentially be the end of "Act 1." Now, just because the current "Act" is ending does not mean the story is coming to an end, or that the chapters will slow down with their release. Instead, think of it like the ending of a the first season of a show. The story for that season comes to a close, plot points are closed out, some new ones emerge to tease viewers, and the "arc" for the season wraps up. Starting with Chapter 9, there will be a slight time jump, nothing to crazy, but it's there. Along with the time skip, Chapter 9 will be setting the stage for the true introduction of Alex and Jessica. I outlined those two along with Roxie and Emma when I initially started drafting the story, and all 4 of them are equally important to the story. I hope you look forward to these plans. I promise to work as quickly as I can, so you can learn about the second half of our protagonists. Now, if you'll excuse me, my diaper has sprung a leak, so I bid you adiue! Thank you for reading.

Wow, I admire your persistence 😅 will there be an additional cost for the revision? Or is it included in the original price? (Initiate naysayer level #2) Consider this: you survived the first operation unscathed (i.e. no strictures or other serious unwanted side effects). You likely have less control than you realize, and probably would see results of you initiated diaper training/extended cathing. You could work towards destroying whatever remaining control you have that way, and save additional costs and risks. (But I already know that isn't enough for you. Not trying to convince you otherwise.)

Yeah, this is the situation I was trying to talk about pre-surgery, when I was accused of negative nelliness. I wasn’t against the surgery, I was against your cover story that tried to make it sound like a “legitimate” operation, because to a urologist your story doesn’t make a lot of sense. I truly hope this all gets sorted out for you soon. I generally live by a “don’t lie to medical professionals” rule, since if you don’t give them all the pertinent info, their diagnoses and treatments will go down the wrong path. And that might mean you’re getting good tacos in Guadalajara after routine urology appointments at some point in time.

Hours later, finished with his chores, Ted lay on his bed reading from a text book, on his tummy of course. The ache is his backside was still strong, but he had managed to get lost in his studies nonetheless, and was no longer dwelling on his sore butt. After a while though, he became distracted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Hearing one of his roommates reminded him of the morning’s events. A flash of heat rose in his bottom as he recalled his punishment. There was a soft knock on the door. Ted was silent. He dropped his head and pretended to be asleep. The knock came again. “Teddy?” It was Lara. After another moment, she quietly twisted the knob. “Ted, are you in here?” she said softly, entering the room. Ted remained motionless and silent, hoping she would leave. Lara sat down on the bed. She gently put a hand on Ted’s bruised butt. He tried not to flinch. Lara rubbed him softly over his sweatpants, noticing he still wasn’t wearing any underwear. The caress, though a little stingy, felt good and made Ted’s cock stir. He opened his eyes and looked at Lara with a pout on his face. “Good morning sleepy head,” Lara cooed, still rubbing his butt. The sensation was delightful, and Ted’s cock now pressed firmly into the mattress below him. “Did you have a nice little nappy?” Ted was annoyed with her infantile tone, but with her hand primed and available to strike his upturned bottom, he didn’t dare show it. He simply nodded, still wearing a scowl. “Good,” Lara said. “Stacey and I are pleased with your cleaning. You did a very thorough job!” She patted his rump for emphasis, making Ted wiggle and wince. “We’d like to have a little talk with you,” she continued. “I’ll give you a few minutes to wake up, but then please come see us in the kitchen.” She slapped his butt and was quickly on her way down the hall, leaving no opportunity for Ted to try to talk his way out of the house meeting. Ted lay still for a moment, dreading what was coming next. The girls had mentioned a list of rules, along with hinting at other punishments that might await him. His fear of what the girls would do next made his erection subside. Finally, Ted dragged himself off the bed and shuffled down the hall, rubbing his sore bottom. He entered the kitchen and found his roommates sitting at the table patiently waiting. “Hi Teddy, please have a seat,” Stacey said invitingly. Ted groaned as his tender bottom connected with the hard wood chair. He shifted around, trying to find a comfortable way to sit, but it was no use. “That stings a little doesn’t it?” Stacey said, taking command of the conversation. I think sitting on that sore butt in your classes the next few days will be a good reminder for you that actions have consequences.” Ted once again felt like he was about five years old. All he could do was nod. Stacey continued her lecture. “That’s something that Lara and I have understood for the last two years, isn’t that right La?” Lara blushed. “Yes, that’s right,” she said meekly. “Stacey and I were not really getting along when we first moved in together sophomore year. Then one night, Stacey finally got fed up and taught me a good lesson with her paddle.” Lara’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as she recalled her first punishment at the hands of her roommate. Stacey jumped in. “Yeah and shortly after that I learned my own lesson. And ever since, we’ve used spanking as a way to mitigate conflict and hold each other accountable.” “And now,” Lara said, staring right into Ted’s eyes, “we’ll do the same with you.” The girls paused and let the room fall silent for a moment. Ted didn’t dare speak. He was still in shock and taking in his situation. Stacey sought to offer some additional detail as well as some reassurance. “We have found spanking to be an excellent way to remain close friends. Lara knows I love her, and I know she loves me. And I know that’s just the reason she spanks me, because she cares about me and wants to help me be a better roommate, better friend, better student, better person.” Ted finally found his voice, but barely. “H.. how… often…?” he trailed off. “Whenever one of us needs it,” Lara chirped. “We have a list of rules, and when they get broken, there’s a consequence.” Stacey chimed in. “Yeah… and Lara over here seems to need it a little more often *ahem*.” Lara blushed and giggled. “But lately we’ve been having weekly ‘appointments,’ on Wednesday nights when you’re in class.” “When you’re SUPPOSED to be in class!!” Lara chided. Now it was Ted’s turn to blush. “I … I did go to class! She let us out early and I just… I was … I had no idea!!” Lara chortled. She enjoyed watching Ted squirm, and even felt herself getting aroused. “Don’t worry,” Stacey cut in. “We’ll go through all the rules and the corresponding punishments in a moment. We also need to discuss the remainder of your punishment this week for your little Saturday night soirée.” Ted hung his head in shame. He already knew he was in for extra chores, but he prayed he wouldn’t get spanked again too. “But first,” Stacey paused. She waited for Ted to look up at her. She raised her eyebrows. “We also need to discuss your little bedtime accident.” The boy slumped in his chair. He stared at his hands and picked at his finger nails. Lara wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him. He looked so pathetic. It was really turning her on. “It’s ok Teddy, it happens,” she said sweetly, reaching out and taking his hand. “We’re just worried about the mattress, if it happens again…” “I didn’t.. I .. it won’t.” Ted muttered. “I’m not convinced,” Stacey said firmly. “Has it happened before?” Ted was silent. He felt the pit in his stomach grow. Lara pet his hand gently. “Hey,” she said, “it’s ok. It’s just us. We won’t say a word. We just want to know if it’s going to be an issue. We need to protect our security deposit.” Ted looked up Lara. Her soft brown eyes reassured him. He slowly let his guard down. “Well, I um, I used to wet the bed when I was a kid,” he said almost in a whisper, again averting his eyes. “A lot?” Stacey pressed him. “Yeah kind of a lot.” “When did it stop?” “When I was around 10…” “Around 10?” Ted was silent. Lara squeezed his hand. “I know this is hard honey. We’re not trying to embarrass you. We just need the truth.” Ted sighed. He shifted in his chair and winced. “When I was 12.” “Thank you,” Stacey said. “And since then? Before last night, the last time you wet was when you were 12?” Ted again was silent. The girls just stared at him, waiting for him to speak. Finally, he said, “A couple of times when I lived in the dorms.” He added, defensively, “But only when I was really drunk!” “What’s ‘a couple?’” Stacey demanded. “Four,” he muttered. “Well five, I guess, but that time I woke up while I was going and stopped. The sheets didn’t get wet.” The room was silent. Ted felt humiliated as he heard his words ringing in the room. At his age, he was qualifying that, the fifth time he had wet himself, it was only a little bit. He sounded ridiculous. Finally Lara spoke. She was still holding Ted’s hand. “Thank you, honey. It’s ok, you can trust us.” Stacey looked at Ted. “Yes your secret is safe with us Teddy, don’t you worry.” Ted looked up and allowed himself to smile. He remembered what Stacey had said about the girls’ love for one another. He felt that warmth now. “But we’re going to have to figure something out so that mattress doesn’t get ruined,” Stacey said, resuming her authoritative tone. “How did your parents handle your bed wetting as a kid?” The smile ran away from Ted’s face. A wave of shame crashed over him. He wanted to disappear into the floor, but he knew there was no way out of this. “They made me wear Goodnites,” he mumbled. “Good nights?” Stacey asked in confusion. “They’re, like, well, sorta like… pull-ups I guess.” The words hung in the air palpably. Pull. Ups. Ted’s mouth was dry. Stacey’s lips were pursed. Lara finally spoke. “Pull-ups? Like - DIAPERS??” Ted’s face burned. Stacey stifled a giggle, but only partially. In a nervous response, Ted let out a laugh. He put his hand to his mouth. Stacey laughed again. Lara started in. Ted let loose, and laughed while he cried. Emotion poured out of him as he giggled uncontrollably while tears streaked his face. The girls laughed with him. Finally catching his breath, he said, “yeah, I guess like diapers.” He sniffled and fell silent again. Stacey and Lara looked at each other. Stacey raised an eyebrow. Lara closed her eyes and nodded. “Well,” Stacey said slowly, “maybe we’ll need to get some of those then. They’re called good nights?” she asked. Ted was silent. Lara took his hand again. “Or pull-ups or whatever. Whatever you need. And just when you’re drinking,” she reassured. Petting his hand, she said, “Our secret, remember? We trust each other.” Ted looked at her. Her warm brown eyes could melt butter. He did trust her. The smile returned to his face and he nodded. Stacey blushed, then continued her lecture.

This stent is made from 2cm:1cm pipes and 2:2 pipes. The left side is the head and the right side is the part that is inserted. By making the head longer, it is less likely to damage the urethra when it moves. It feels less uncomfortable than before and I hardly notice any pain anymore. However, I think it needs some further improvements. Just now my diaper so wet hehe x3

Yes. I agree. That's why I moderated the claim with "predominately". I believe plain old sphincter dysfunction is the one that causes sudden showers on standing. I call this my "drip and dribble zone" and over the years, it's gotten easier to get into and when I do get there, I go deeper now and stay longer. It's very common laying in bed after a weekend sleep in (when presumably the vasopressin is wearing off). I wake with an empty bladder but after some time, it starts happening with a few drops or a spurt every few minutes and a curious sense of relaxed lightness in my lower abdomen. Sometimes these days it truly is automatic and it's a bit of a mystery to me how I should stop it. Unfortunately it usually stops by itself when I get up, thus activating my core.

Absolutely! I love waking up soaking wet. When my bedwetting came back after a long dry spell, as soon as I got over the shock and realised it wasn't just a one off. I thought to hell with this I am just going to let it happen and see where it takes me. I was very lucky my wife just took it in her stride and suggested nappies. I was a little depressed at first but when my wife told me in no uncertain terms to just wear nappies and get on with my life I took this as permission to just let things develop. Within a few months I was back to nightly wetting and couldnt be happier. I genuinely sleep better when wet and wake up so much happier and contented with life. My wife noticed that after a few months I was a much calmer and contented person. Some of us are just meant to be bedwetters.

I wet the bed myself until I was 6 years old, but every night my mom would have me get a cloth diaper from the dresser and bring it to her in the living room.

Seventy-Three Memo to Staff: In the coming days, Clark Ashburn will be joining our team as an assistant to Gabrielle Heller. Most of you should know Mr. Ashburn already–either from his occasional visits to the office, or by reputation alone. While Clark’s core responsibilities will be in aiding Ms. Heller, he’ll also be available to assist in the office’s overall day-to-day operations. If you have any projects or tasks that you haven’t been able to get to yourself, please send details to Ms. Heller. Clark will remain diapered while in the office, just as Risa is currently and, previously, Bradley had been. === Step 3: Get back into the workforce. I had seen working as one of the last things I’d care about on my journey from overgrown toddler to adult. But, following my conversation with Mommy–and her proposal that I come work for her, once again, it made sense to bump it up the list a bit. Besides, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to do this sooner rather than later–it felt like an extension of my first goal, which had been to get out of my babyish bubble. “My my, don’t you clean up nicely,” Mommy said, drifting into the nursery as I stood in front of the mirror, attempting to tuck my shirt into my slacks. The pants–yet another gift from Mommy–probably would’ve fit incredibly well if it hadn’t been for my diaper. Now, things were going to get pretty tight down there. “D-does my diaper look obvious?” “Yes,” she nodded. “But you shouldn’t be worried about that. Everyone knows you wear them.” In the mirror’s reflection, I saw my cheeks were glowing pink. This wasn’t actually a surprise to me–I had visited the office a few times. They knew who I was and what I was about. And I wouldn’t be the only baby in the office. Mommy’s words were, however, a reminder that this wasn’t going to be a traditional job. I had a new question: “Do I look…adult?” She shrugged. “Maybe? It’s hard for me to say, since I see you everyday. And you just always look like a baby to me.” “Yeah…fair enough.” “Are you nervous, Baby?” she asked. I laughed. “Yeah. Of course I am.” Shortly after the exodus from our old company, Mommy and Ms. Beaufort had cobbled together a consulting firm called Beaufort and Heller. It had come together so quickly that I had to assume that at least part of this plan had existed before Mommy stepped down from her previous role as CEO–perhaps as a back-up plan, should the baby-business ever go south. The nitty-gritty details of what this company did, or who its clients were, were still mostly lost on me, but it seemed that the two women were quickly finding success with this new venture. From my vantage point, I had always figured that Mommy was happy with her role as CEO. And maybe, on some level, she was. But it wasn’t until I started watching her pour herself into this new partnership with Ms. Beaufort that I saw an actual passion for work in Mommy’s eyes. She liked building a company from the ground up. She liked operating without a faceless ‘Board of Directors’ hovering above her. She liked the business trips and meeting with clients face to face. “I was tempted to put together a diaper bag for you to take to the office,” Mommy said, pouring herself a travel mug of coffee in the kitchen while I waited for her near the door, my body bobbing back and forth with anxious energy. “But I doubt we’ll need anything that isn’t already there." One of the first things that Mommy and Ms. Beaufort did was to set up an office. And that office, it was decided, would be a baby-friendly place. There had been, at first, two ‘office babies.’ The first was Bradley, who had jumped ship to follow Lyndie soon after the Thomas Pritchard incident. Technically, he wasn’t anyone’s assistant in the new company, though it sounded like he was sticking pretty close to Lyndie regardless. I never got any good answers on what–if anything–happened in the strange triangle between him, Nancy Tamberlin, and Lyndie. As best as I could tell, Ms. Tamberlin was pretty busy at the old company, cleaning up that mess. In a few months, it wouldn’t matter anyway–Bradley had moved away. The other, and now the only office baby, was Clarissa–Risa, as she went by. I had only met her once and knew little about her, though she seemed well-liked. From the stories that Mommy told me, she seemed to have adapted to her role as baby rather well. I could have misheard, but I thought I might have caught a part of a conversation once in which Ms. Beaufort said that she had found this new assistant by specifically looking for someone already into diapers and acting like a toddler. “My little boy is growing up so quickly,” Mommy said while her car was stopped at a red light, en route to the office. I wasn’t sure whether to attribute her smile to sarcasm or sincerity. I was thinking about what I heard her saying on the phone to Ms. Beaufort the other night–the things she said when she didn’t know that I was listening. She had talked about the uncertainty, and fear, she felt at the prospect of me moving forward with my life. I still wasn’t sure what I should do with that information. Was I to slow myself down a little, perhaps even giving up my ambitions at being a ‘normal’ 20-something? Or did I continue ahead and let her figure out the next part of her life herself? “Am I, uhm, going too fast?” I asked. “You should go as fast as you need to,” she said. I studied her face, and her tone, for hints as to how she really felt, but I could only guess. I wanted to keep the conversation going, but I thought it was best to leave it at that for now. Soon, we were pulling into the office building’s parking garage. The old brick building housed a few other small companies–most, according to the directory listed near the entrance, were things like accountants and law firms. I doubted that any of them had people waddling around the office in diapers. We stepped off the elevator soon after, made a short track down the hall past one of the many accounting firms on this floor alone, and Mommy opened the door into the office of Beaufort and Heller. “Well, would you look at that,” Lyndie said from the front desk. Her and Amber had been going over something at the front desk and they both looked up at me, big smiles on their faces. “Clarky, you and I are working together again!” “Y-yeah,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “How about that?” Lyndie was the very first person hired for the new company. And while I had no doubt that she was still changing diapers when she could, she was no longer just the babysitter. She was handling a number of administrative duties, including accounts payable. “Hello, Clark,” said Amber. “It’s nice to see you again.” “Likewise,” I said. “Hello.” Amber was currently the receptionist–though Mommy had mentioned the possibility of making her a personal assistant of sorts. Albeit, one that did actual work, as opposed to just wearing and using diapers all day. Her long bronze hair looked like a fantastical veil in the fluorescent lighting of the office. I wondered what her take was on the company’s baby-culture. “I tried to rally the troops for a little meet and greet this morning,” Amber said to Mommy. “But Sam has been on calls all morning, and Neve is running late. So…there’s bagels in the break room. Help yourself whenever.” She sounded a little annoyed that her plans hadn’t come to fruition. “That was very kind of you to try,” Mommy said, strolling past the front desk. “Clarky? I believe you’ve met everyone here before, yes?” “I believe so.” Amber I knew from my visits to the office, and I had met Risa once. That just left Samantha Roberts–an old friend of Mommy and Ms. Beaufort’s. We had only met once, in passing. She seemed nice enough, but I had heard that she wasn’t as enthused about the whole baby thing. Still, she came to the office everyday, despite people waddling past in diapers, so I figured she couldn’t have hated it all that much. Besides, Mommy said she’d come around eventually. “Let me show you to your desk,” Mommy said. “Actually, Ms. Heller, you have a call in a few minutes with that guy from Boise in a few minutes,” Amber said. “Ah, right…” “Why don’t you go and get ready for that,” Lyndie said. “I’ll take care of Clark.” “He’s dry, if that’s what you mean,” Mommy smirked. “But you can show him to his new desk.” Lyndie laughed. “Will do. C’mon, Clark.” And so I had been passed off. Mommy went in one direction, and I followed Lyndie in the other. “Busy today?” I asked, mostly gauging whether or not my presence was going to be a burden. “Not yet,” she shrugged. “We’ll see how the day goes. Are you going to keep my hands full?” “W-we’ll see.” When I had imagined walking back into an office again, I imagined doing it without a diaper underneath my pants. That wasn’t the case today, though. For now, I was still well-padded and probably would be for a while yet. Still, it felt like a good time to practice my control. Accidents were inevitable, but if I could start being more conscious of when I was going, I figured I’d be in better shape when Mommy was willing to give me some underwear back. And, should I have an accident, this seemed like the place to have it. Walking through the office with Lyndie, I could detect trace amounts of baby powder in the air. Here, unlike the old office, I was almost expected to be having accidents. Most would probably even encourage it. “I know you’ve been here a few times, but I’ll give you a little tour anyway,” Lyndie said. I was thankful for this–most of my visits to the office had been brief and I had been far too baby-brained to remember where anything was. “There’s Neve’s office. It doesn’t look like she’s in yet, but there’s Risa, her assistant.” Risa looked up from behind her computer monitor and waved. “Oh, Clark! Hello!” She quickly got up from her seat–the unmistakable sound of a crinkling bottom following in her wake–and she rushed to me, giving me a hug. I was caught off guard, seeing as how I barely knew her and she was embracing me like I was an old friend. Perhaps she was just happy to not be the only baby in the office now. I hugged her back. She had this adorable little round face that practically screamed ‘baby.’ And if it wasn’t the face that did it, it would’ve definitely had been her dark hair–pulled into tight pigtails on either side of her face. I was certain people called her a ‘babyface’ for most of her life. Maybe, at some point, she just decided to lean into that. “It’s, uh, nice to see you again,” I said. “I can’t wait to work with you,” she said with the surprising eagerness I’d associate with a fangirl at a pop culture convention. I appreciated the sentiment, but I just wasn’t ready for the intensity of the delivery. “Y-yeah, ditto,” I said, giving her the warmest smile I could. Lyndie quickly ushered me forward in the tour. Once we were out of earshot: “Risa is nice, but…she can be a lot.” “Is she like that with everyone?” “Most people. But I do think she was pretty excited about you joining the team.” “Me? Why?” Lyndie laughed, shaking her head incredulously like she couldn’t fathom how I didn’t already know the answer to that. “You’re kind of a legend in here, Clark.” I had to ask again: “Me? Why?” “Of all the babies, you’re the babiest. You didn’t just wear diapers to work. You became a baby. You moved in with Gabrielle. ‘Hashtag: Lifegoals’ for Risa. And Bradley, while he was here.” “Oh.” I hadn’t ever spent much time with Bradley. I was surprised that he ever thought of me at all, let alone had wanted to be me. “Don’t let it go to your head, Clark. You’re still wearing a diaper to work.” “Right, right.” “This is just like old times, eh? It’s nice to be working with you again.” “Same,” I said, feeling that familiar warmth in my cheeks. We ventured forward, the tour continuing. “Here is Samantha Roberts’s office. Maybe we can stop in and say hello, or…” Through the office’s glass door, we could see Samantha was on a call. Given the way she was gesturing, I had to assume it was a video conference, though maybe that was just the way she talked. “We’ll come back later,” Lyndie said. “I heard she’s not really into diapers.” “I think she was more interested in the job than she was the culture,” Lyndie laughed. “But I’ve seen the way she stares at Risa’s bottom. I suspect she’s, at least, curious.” Onwards past the next office door. This one was open, and on one side I could see a desk, and on the other was a changing table. “This is my office,” she said. “The changing table,” I said, pointing to it. “Is this also a nursery?” “That was the original plan,” Lyndie laughed. “But if Neve was here, and we looked into her office, you’d have found a changing table in there too.” “Oh. And…” “Yep,” she nodded. “Gabrielle has one in her office too. This was kind of amazing to me. It would have been the dream of our group back at the old office–a workplace that not only didn’t have to hide the weird baby stuff, but seemed to completely embrace it. “What about when clients come?” I asked. “That’s what the conference room is for,” Lyndie said, pointing to the next room. “Yeah, that makes sense,” I shrugged. “And here are the bathrooms. Not that you’ll have as much use for those.” “Not yet,” I said, a juvenile defiance coming through in my voice. “But I’ll get there.” “Sure, sure. Oh, and there’s the room you probably know the best, here. Mommy’s office.” “And is that…” “That’s your desk, right out in front of her office door.” That brought me back to the old office too, where I sat just beyond her office so that she could keep an eye on me easily. I felt a tear welling up in my eye, which I quickly wiped away–I was surprised at how emotional I was getting by just having a desk of my own again. I didn’t realize how much I missed the concept of work until now, just as I missed responsibility. Purpose. I sat down in the shining new office chair, feeling the casters smoothly glide back and forth on the floor. The computer on the desk had two monitors, the blue glow from them spilling off the desk and onto my chest. I felt like a fool, getting so excited about such things, but it was good to be back. “Gabrielle says she’s putting you to work,” Lyndie said. “Like…actual work.” “Good. That’s what I want.” She laughed and shook her head. “You’re so weird. Also? Open that drawer on the left side. I got you a little welcome-back gift.” “Really? Oh, wow, Lyndie. You didn’t have to do anything like that. It’s honestly nice just to be back in an office again and…” I opened the desk drawer and found a pacifier. “I got that online,” she beamed. “Custom made.” The mouth guard had little lettered beads affixed to it, reading: STINKY. “Wow,” I sighed. “How thoughtful.” “I thought you’d like it! Want to give it a test drive?” “Maybe later…” “Suit yourself. Well, look, I’d love to chit-chat, but I do have a few things to do this morning. I think your login information is written down by the keyboard. Why don’t you check your email–I sent you some tutorials on some of the software you’ll probably be using most.” That was my big sister–always looking out for me. “Thank you.” “You’ll be okay by yourself if I go back to my office for a little bit?” “Yeah, of course.” “Okay, good. Either myself or your Mommy will check in on you as soon as we can,” she stated. ‘Your mommy,’ made me feel like I was in kindergarten though. She started to walk away, stopped, and then quickly came back. “Oh, one more thing. Your Mommy would kill me if I made you sit here in a dirty diaper.” “But, I’m not…” “Stand up, Clark. I have to check your diaper.” “Here? But…” “This isn’t like the old office, Clark. We don’t have to hide in rooms with the doors shut anymore. I’m treating you just the same as I would Risa over there. In fact, you’ll see me checking her diaper in a little bit. If, that is, we don’t smell her first.” “Hey…” came an exasperated moan from over at Risa’s desk. I stood up at my desk, not quite sure what a ‘diaper check’ entailed at this office, but interested in finding out. I expected that the world around me would stop so that it could stare at me, but from my vantage point that didn’t seem to be the case at all. I couldn’t see Amber’s desk from here, nor could she see me. Risa was staring ahead at her computer. And while I could see directly into the window in Ms. Roberts’s office window, she still looked completely consumed with whatever conversation she was in. “Why don’t you pull your pants down for me,” Lyndie said. “It’ll make this a lot easier.” “But…” “Just do it,” she sighed. Wild. A few months ago, Thomas Pritchard had done this exact thing–revealing his diaper in the middle of an office. Except, where as he had set off a destructive chain reaction of events–nobody was blinking an eye when I did it. There I was–pants pulled down to my knees at my desk as Lyndie inspected my diaper. “A little damp,” Lyndie shrugged. “But you’ll last a while yet, barring any major catastrophes.” “Hey,” Risa said, her head poking out from behind her desk. “What kind of diapers are those?” There was no alarm or concern in the tone of her voice. She asked it like she was asking me where I had gotten my shoes from–like it was just another everyday thing. “Oh…uh, I’m not sure,” I shrugged. “Mommy…er…Ms. Heller buys them for me.” My cheeks warmed a little more at having said the ‘m-word’ while in the office. “MegaThicks,” Lyndie replied confidently, playfully smacking my bottom. “I’d know these bad boys anywhere.” “They’re cute,” Risa said, her head turning to focus on her work again. Wild. “Okay, pull your pants back up. I’ll see you later.” A few minutes later, it felt like my old life was starting to come back to me as if there had never been any interruption. Just the basic motions of using a mouse and keyboard gave me a sense of nostalgia. Thinking back on my work history–though I could probably go a little further back and lump school in with this–I had never felt particularly motivated. I did what I had to do, but I had no passion for work. Now, I wanted to dive into it. I wanted to learn every platform. Study every spreadsheet. I wanted to be in some meetings and listen to other people talk about what needed to be done next. Soon, I had a notebook open and I was taking notes. I had post-its stuck to the sides of my monitor with references to things that felt especially important. And then, a familiar scent wafted into my nose. Oh shit, are you kidding me right now? I thought, for sure, that I had somehow pushed an enormous mess into my diaper without even realizing it. It wouldn’t have been the first that happened. But I was able to quickly rule myself out as the culprit, as it was rather obvious that I wasn’t sitting atop a foul load. Which meant that it was probably… I looked over towards Risa’s desk, where she continued to tap away at her keyboard, eyes fixed on her monitors like she was deep in the throes of some important project. I glanced around the rest of the office, seeing that Mommy, Lyndie, and Ms. Roberts were still sequestered in their offices with the doors closed. I wondered if Amber could smell this up at the front desk. And, if she could, I wondered what she thought about it. I probably didn’t need to say anything, but I couldn’t help myself. “Is, uhm, that you?” Risa had a look of surprise on her face for a moment, like she had pulled from whatever work-trance she had been in. Her cheeks got a little rosier as she looked in my direction. “Yeah… Sorry about that,” she shrugged. But she didn’t sound all that sorry. “Oh, you don’t have to apologize. Just wanted to, uh, make sure.” She laughed. “I think you’d know if it was your accident.” I couldn’t get over how surreal the moment felt. Back in the old office, we fretted and panicked when something like this happened. We worried about who could smell our diapers, or who might notice a lump in the back of our pants. And now, here I was, at a place where someone could just nonchalantly load the seat of the diaper with a stinky mess and continue sitting there–doing their work with no fear of consequence. “Sorry,” I said. “I just… I need to get used to this.” “Ah,” she shrugged. “Maybe I should’ve warned you first? I think I just got used to letting go when I needed to.” “No, no,” I assure her. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” “Well, don’t be afraid of doing the same. I mean, that’s what the diapers are for, right? And I’m certainly not going to judge you.” I almost wished that she hadn’t said that to me. I was trying to grow up. I was trying to reduce my dependency on diapers. And, here in this new office, I was hoping that I could build a reputation that didn’t revolve around me smelling like I needed my diaper changed. But… I was still wearing diapers. And I had taken a rather big step forward just by taking a position at Mommy’s company in the first place. Surely I couldn’t be expected to accomplish all of my goals on the same day. The odor of Risa’s diaper–which I now felt like I knew better than Risa herself–continued to permeate the office. The longer she marinated in her chair, the heavier the stench got. Until, finally, the odor just became normal. While I felt no urgency in my bowels at the moment, I suspected that if I did, I’d have joined her in stinking up the place. As it was, all I really needed to was to piss. And so I did, allowing myself to not get hung up on whether or not I should be resorting to my more infantile instincts or not. It was the most blissful a wet diaper had felt in some time, honestly. There was certainly something to be said about being in a place with other people, yet not having to feel afraid of exposure. “Alright,” Lyndie said, emerging from her office eventually. “Which one of you did this?” She waved her arms around her, as if to signal that she was talking about the air around us. “That’s all me,” Risa said, almost sounding like she was proud of what she had done. “Unless Clark added some smells of his own? I’m not sure if I’d be able to tell.” “N-no,” I said. “Not this time.” “Alright,” Lydie sighed, glancing towards Ms. Beaufort’s office–still dark. “Well, someone is going to have to take care of this. Come on. Let’s get you changed.” Risa almost looks hesitant to get up from her desk. I doubt it’s the diaper change she’s opposed to, it’s leaving her work behind. I watch them march back across the room and into Lyndie’s office where the door is shut and the blinds are drawn. Privacy is important, of course–though I’m a little disappointed I don’t get to see that show. And, too, maybe I’ll be thankful for the option of blinds when it’s my turn to get a diaper change. Speaking of which, I would probably need one soon. That wetting was on the heavier side, and the padding between my legs was already feeling rather swampy. If I hadn’t already met the capacity of the diaper, it was only a matter of time before I did. I shifted forward and back on my plump padding–I had gotten very good at stimulating myself like this. Maybe, I thought, I’d ask Lyndie for some help with my diaper when she was done with Risa. Or, maybe I’d just stay like this until someone–likely Mommy herself–checked on me later. I let out a little moan as I squirmed in my chair. It was nice to be back at work again.

Chapter Thirty One John stirred as something shook him. He rolled onto his side and the shaking stopped. He heard something like complaining behind him. He went back to sleep. Some time later he rolled over onto his other side and felt something warm beside him so he draped his arm over it and yawned really well, intent on waking up later. As long as later wasn’t soon. Something in front of him moved and something weird was ticking all over his face and nose, so he started swatting at it in his sleepy state. His hand got tangled up in some hair. Cracking one eye open as he pulled his hand back, he heard “Stop pulling on my hair.” from someone else that also sounded sleepy. Curious now, John pushed himself up into a seated position. The moment his weight went onto his butt he grimaced and tiredly grumbled out “uh umh” and shuffled to get his legs under him so his weight was on his thighs and not the contents of his diaper. Rubbing his eyes, he looked over and down at Kates legs and diaper clad butt sticking out from under a blanket. He poked her foot. She pulled her foot away and said “Lay back down, you were keeping me warm.” He thought about it a moment before he gave up and flopped back down and pressed his back against her. At first, John closed his eyes and started to doze back off. But slowly his brain processed things and he reached back and patted and felt a hip. Mustering the full might of his early morning brain capacity, he asked clearly: “Mm?” She twisted and turned her head to look at him. Then he felt her look back forward and whisper “You’re one of those people that don’t brain in the morning, aren’t you?” “Nnn...mmmm” He felt the person against his back take a deep breath and sigh “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Giving up on using his eyes for now, he mumbled “Bleh.” Over the course of the next ten minutes or so his brain slowly chugged into life and they started to have a conversation while laying there. While they were talking he kept noticing that he could feel her against his head and shoulders and back, but that their butts seemed to be several inches apart. He would have never thought that not feeling someone against your butt would be strange. Eventually though, Kate addressed the elephant in the room first by saying “Phew. We stink.” John took his turn to sigh and ask “So this is just what mornings are like for all littles here?” The softly spoken reply came “Yeah. This is our mornings. Laying in a crib in a diaper waiting for Mommy to come change us.” They were quiet again for a moment, but finally he admitted “It’s gross. At first I thought a wet diaper was disgusting. But right now I could sit in a wet diaper and not complain.” After another bit of quiet, he heard the reply from behind him. “Yeah. This place changes the way you see everything. All this technology and we’re still the babies here.” Finally, John had enough “I’m not laying on my side anymore.” Kate snorted a bit “You can try to lay on your back if you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it.” Pushing himself up onto all fours, John said simply “Nope” and crawled up around Kates head, past her and halfway up onto the pillow and just flopped onto it. Sinking contently into it with most of the weight off of his butt, he let out a sigh. Kate immediately pinched her nose and complained “Oh m… my face is right here by your…” John didn’t even look, he pointed up “I left you plenty of room on the other side of the pillow.” Immediately up onto all fours, Kate crawled around to the other side of the pillow, just past halfway up onto it and flopped. Now it was her turn to sigh. “Oh my g…” she exclaimed and then squeezed the pillow “I’m asking Mommy for a giant pillow.” After a few quiet minutes of the duo luxuriating on their giant fluffy pillow, John found himself thinking back to the previous day. “Hey.” he mumbled. “Yeah?” came a comfortable sounding response. Floundering for words a bit “My … uhhh Mom? Yeah, I guess it’s more a title than a name?” There was a quick humored exhale above his head “Yes John, she’s your Mom. Eventually you’ll call her Mommy like I do mine. I don’t know why, but you probably won’t mind it either.” He nodded against the pillow and explained “Well, Mom was … I guess I can only say she was super cool last night.” There came an agreement “Oh yeah!” It took a moment of thought before he could add “I think that it was super hard for her because she’s just going to think she she didn’t find her before she got too cold? She seems like the kind of person that would feel bad about that.” “John?” He looked up to see Kate looking at him “Yeah?” She said “You have no idea how over protective the bigs are here.” He nodded and then flopped his head back down, feeling the pillow shift as she did the same. Musing out loud, he said “Still, as far as I’m concerned, she’s a hero.” Kate barked out a cute brief laugh “Yeah. She was all like ‘we’re not waiting’ and the agent guy just had to go and follow her.” Just then they both stopped and turned their heads toward the door as they heard footsteps. In walked two tall women and the side of the crib went down. Amanda leaned on the right side crib wall while Aunt Cat leaned on the left side, each smiling down at their littles. “Good Morning!” They both declared excitedly. John groaned out loud “Oh my God I’m surrounded by morning people.” Amanda clapped softly with a big exaggerated smile “John! You spoke an entire word before having your coffee milk!” All he could muster was “Ughhhhhhhh” Amanda stopped and poked him on the side while mumbling “No, I think he’s broken again.” Meanwhile Aunt Cat already had Kate airborne and moving toward the changing table. When he realized that her diaper was coming off in plain view, he turned his head toward the wall out of a sense of modesty. He felt Amanda’s fingertips running up and down his back. It felt really nice. She leaned and whispered softly to only him “So I’m the big heroic Mommy?” John felt his face and ears turn beet red and he rolled onto his side to look up at her big grin before rolling to bury his face back into his pillow. He mumbled into his pillow “I’m not awake, so I didn’t say anything.” Then he felt a tap on his shoulder and heard “I don’t know, that was a lot of words from a sleeping little.” Taking a moment and channeling his best attempt at a B rated movie zombie he took a deep breath and said “UHNNNNnnnnnnnnn Brainnnnnnnssssss” And then a fingertip found his ribs and he tried to squeal while his lungs were empty! He felt his hair being ruffled and then he was being lifted and carried sideways. Although as tall as Amanda was it almost felt like she was just taking a step and swinging him over like a giant crane. As his butt hit soft weirdly plasticy mat, the bars flopped limply onto him at the same as he shuddered at the unpleasant sensation. Unlike usual, Amanda playfully picked up his pacifier and poked his lips with it, stating “Here, this special zombie proof pacifier will keep me safe.” He just rolled his eyes and accepted it as she went to work with the diaper change. It took an extra minute of scrubbing that he was honestly very grateful for before she came into his view holding up one rough pup diaper, and one bright blue one with a monkey on it. Oh a whim he pointed at the blue one. With a nod she bapped him with it before finishing. When he felt the telltale bump of her knee on some spot of the table, the bars went up and he was lifted and put onto the floor on his own two feet. “Okay young man. After breakfast we have to go to the grocery store. So let’s get you dressed and presentable really quickly.” For some reason the whim just took him and he shouted “You’ll never take me alive, copper!” and he tried to dart between her knees. Two trunk like legs closed in to clamp him in place and he flailed comically for a moment. Going limp he admitted “You took me alive.” There was a feeling like someone playing bongos, but on his padded bottom. After a moment of that he went from indignant to laughing “Okay!” he declared “I give up! I surrender! I’ll go along peacefully!” One moment later he was back on his feet and she knelt in front of him to give him a hug. With a whisper, she told him “Some times you act more like a little than others.” not really knowing how to take that statement he apologized “I’m sorry I didn’t …” She cut him off with a kiss to his forehead and said “No, it’s adorable and I appreciate it.” And as she stood up she pulled the shirt he slept in up and off. After a moment Amanda showed John a couple of options. “Okay” she explained “We’re going to get groceries, shouldn’t be gone two hours. It’s a bit cool out today, but not cold. Do you want shorts, pants, or overalls?” Without hesitation, he answered “Pants, please” Then she held up a shirt and a onesie. He pointed at the blue shirt with the cartoon dog wearing a cape on it. Moments later he was being carried, dressed for the day, and deposited on the living room floor next to a very excited Xerxes. Moments after that, Kate was deposited next to him. Aunt Cat looked down at both of them and explained “Okay, we’re going to get ready for the day ourselves, and then get you two breakfast before we all hit the road.” With that they each got a pat on the head, and she walked away as well. Now as alone as they were going to get again John asked something he’d been wondering. “Hey Kate?” “Yes?” “Why did they put us in the cr...I mean bed together?” With a shake of her head, Kate answered “John, we are both littles, and we were out cold after breast feeding. What were we possibly going to do?” He just sort of nodded “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Kate nodded then and asked “Can I play on your tablet a bit before we have to go?” The two of them sat together on the floor and John watched Kate just breeze through the color puzzles that hard started off as very simple, but then had her blending colors that he was pretty sure were only superficially different. After about fifteen minutes Aunt Cat came over and leaned down to watch over their heads for a moment before they even noticed she was there. Aunt Cat spoke up “That’s actually really cool, and you’re doing great!” Kate looked up and smiled at her “Thank you!” With a great big smile growing across her face, Aunt Cat patted them both on the head “You know what would be even MORE fun?” Kate looked confused for a moment, but John’s tickle senses kicked in and he shouted to his little friend. “Cheese it!” And he tried to get up and run for it. He made it one step before he felt himself being lifted into the air with one arm under his back and holding him by the bottom, and some fingers in his ribs. He tried not to crack, but it only took a few seconds before he was laughing and thrashing. By the time it was over he was against her shoulder while she patted his back. “Breath sweety” Aunt Cat said. Eventually he was deposited into his booster seat while a giggling Kate was placed in the one next to him. After a moment John found a bowl of oatmeal being slid in front of him. He was immediately unimpressed. He had never liked oatmeal a single time in his life. He associated oatmeal with ‘I can get groceries in a few days, this is what I have.’ Kate next to him went to town on her oatmeal and seemed like she was in heaven. Amanda leaned down and gently tapped him on the shoulder before asking “You okay there baby?” “Ummm…” was all he could muster. So Amanda picked up the spoon and stirred the oatmeal before holding the spoon up to him to take a bite. He instinctively leaned back. “I’ll make you a deal. You try a bite, and if you really and truly don’t like it, then I’ll make you some toast.” He sat there in his booster seat, leaning back and looking from Amanda to the spoon and back. Nothing about her body language told him that she was going to give up. She would wait him out. With a sigh he said “Fine.” He opened his mouth, she put the spoon into it. And then he furrowed his brow. Pausing to swallow he said “Oatmeal doesn’t taste like that!” Amanda handed him the spoon and kissed him on the forehead, whispering “Here it does. Littles love oatmeal.” He needed no prompting to dig in just like Kate was doing next to him. Whatever was in this oatmeal was weirdly compelling. And so with heavy stomachs and each of them with a sippy cup full of juice, they were sent back to the living room. After a minute of overly full shuffling around, the two of them settled down in front of the couch, leaning back. With their hips and legs pressed up against one another they looked down at the tablet home screen. It had a few new icons that weren’t there yesterday, but they chose to ignore them for now and they looked at the folder of books. While they scrolled through such curious titles as “Benny the Rooh” and “The Bearenstines” John felt an elbow gently in his ribs. “You need a bean bag” Kate whispered Shaking his head, he retorted “I don’t need a bean bag, I have a dog.” She pointed to the dogs head at the window “Your dog is outside.” After a moment of quiet he admitted “Bean bags are great.” While she was poking fun at him she settled in the Young Adult folder and was scrolling a bit more slowly, taking in the titles. John pointed to one and asked “How about this one?” “The Odyssey of Hugh?” All he could manage was a shrug “I don’t know, I’m just picking one because you can only scroll for so long before you just can’t make a choice.” Kate laughed at him a bit as she tapped the name and it came up with a picture of a very old looking book and a synopsis to one side. So John read it out loud “The Odyssey of Hugh: An epic tale of a man on a quest, who wandered for ten years exploring far away lands. After a shipwreck left him stranded on a distant island. After a long journey, Hugh overcomes many obstacles using his wit and whatever resources he has to hand. Hugh has befriended a wild bear and saved a stranded little that have joined him on his journey along the way. This is the story of their journey to return to Hugh’s home to his wife Penelope.” When he finished reading that out loud Kate used her fingers to zoom in on the cover of the book. There was a man standing on an outcrop overlooking the sea, and behind him there was a giant bear that came up to his chest, and you could see a carefully drawn little on the bears back with his own little backpack. Kare shook her head “No way any sane person would ride a bear.” John coughed a bit, his face turning red. It took her looking at a his face before she realized “You wouldn’t?” He could only nod. “Well.” she added “Like I said, no sane person.” He just rolled his eyes and tapped the button marked “Start Reading” The two of them managed to read at about the same speed, and were both getting fully invested when they each felt a tap on the shoulder. They both looked up to see their respective Mommy smiling down at them. Amanda spoke first “Have you two had fun together?” They both nodded, and when She took the tablet from them they both protested in their own way. Kate reached for it and said softly “But my book” While John just went limp and sighed “We just got to a good part” With Kate on her hip, Aunt Cat asked “What were you two rascals reading that you were so invested in?” Kate spoke up first by answering “The Odyssey of Hugh!” Now the two bigs looked back and forth between themselves and then at the littles on their hips. Then back at each other. “Huh.” Amanda spoke first “Are you two good at reading?” John probably looked as indignant as he felt “Hey! Where we’re from we read a lot, Mom.” Kate was just nodding along in agreement. Then Aunt Cat chimed in “I think I could see these two reading that just because of Hughs bear companion, Baloo.” John and Kate immediately looked at each other and said in unison “Baloo?” “Yeah, his bear is named Baloo.” Chimed in Aunt Cat and Amanda, both in unison. The two littles tried to keep a straight face, but John cracked first as he broke into a fit of giggles, followed immediately by Kate cracking up with him. The two bigs looked so confused by their littles having a laugh attack. Aunt Cat put a finger into Kates side and asked “Why is the name Baloo so funny?” The two went into a fresh fit of laughter and after some very patient waiting from two big women that were obviously planning to wait until they got an answer, John blurted out “Baloo is in the Jungle Book!” Looking right up at Amanda’s face, he could see her lock eyes with Aunt Cat before looking down and explaining to him “No, Sweety. The Jungle Book has a bear named Fozzy.” And that was it. Both littles were full on belly laughing again. Neither one of them could breath easily through the laughter. It went on for a full five minutes and they started to calm down. As John was finally catching his breath he heard from behind him. “Wakka” “PFFTTTTTTT” followed by another laugh attack. “Oh God. Oh God. It hurts. It hurts.” was mirrored by both littles. By the time they regained their composure, they were both wearing shoes and being carried to the driveway. Being stood up in front of each other, John felt a pat on his padded bottom and saw Aunt Cat do the same to Kate. They both got a “You two say goodbye, you’ll see each other in two days” They stood there kind of awkwardly shuffling their feet. “Umm…” John didn’t really know how to say goodbye in this situation. Kate just rolled her eyes and stepped up to give him a hug. He hugged her back, a bit haphazardly. She didn’t seem to be able to think of anything to say either. Finally the two bigs gave up and picked them both up. And gave them a kiss before shuffling them into their carseats. John was buckled in and a diaper bag was slid in the usual place in front of his seat, and the door shut. As Amanda slid into her seat and buckled up, John asked “So where are we going today?” “Welllllll” Amanda smiled up at the mirror “We are desperately low on groceries, because some little boy ate all the eggs. You don’t know who that would be, would you?” Shaking his head as though he had no idea “Nope. But you should definitely get someone on that.” He could see her rolling her eyes at him as she put the car into gear and asked “If we’re quick we can make one more stop while we’re in town. Is there anything you want to get while we’re out?” “Ummm…. Could we go by a pet store and get a toy for Xerxes?” He said the first thing that came to mind. Once they were on the road, John took a few pulls of juice from his sippy cup and got lost in thought. He really was stuck here. At least he had someone from home to talk to sometimes. Spaced out and completely lost in thought he barely noticed how much time passed until the door opened and Amandas face came into his view with a smile. Until she looked at him closely. “John” She asked “Are you okay? You look a bit sad.” He really just nodded slowly, saying “Yeah. Just thinking about things.” She immediately unbuckled him and picked him up into a hug, whispering “Do you wanna talk about it?” With a shake of his head, he admitted “I don’t think I understand it all yet, so … no” That got him another squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk. About anything. You’re my favorite little guy and I want to help you through everything.” Then she whispered a bit lower “Are you ready to go into the store?” It took a moment before he nodded. It was a struggle at the moment to remember all of the pointers and advice he had been given. One thing stuck out, though. “Hey umm… Are strangers really that grabby with littles?” He watched her get a funny look on her face before she said, seemingly careful about her words “I don’t know that I would say it that way *exactly* but it is normal in our culture to just check littles to see if they are wet or messy without telling the little, if that’s what you mean.” John was already shaking his head “I don’t want strangers touching me like that!” “Shhh shhh, hold on, hold on. Let’s get you comfy. Here, which pacy do you want?” He just blinked at her for a moment. She stood there holding him without any sense of rushing him, or intent to put him down or anything. She was just waiting for him. “Sweety, I’m not saying that you’re going to run a marathon or do anything like that, but I had hoped you would have your wits about you.” She was speaking softly and slowly. He just nodded “Umm… I guess … please give me that pacy.” “Which one?” “The training pacy? If I get mad and bite down on it, or anything, will you promise that I won’t be in trouble?” That got him picked up and kissed on the cheek “Sweety, if you use that to stay out of trouble, I promise you I won’t be mad at all.” He just nodded as she pulled the training pacy out of the diaper bag and clipped it onto his shirt. She held it up to him, but he just shook his head. So she lowered it so that it dangled, then she held out Rupert. With a kind smile, but a look that said it wasn’t a question, Amanda said “Rupert isn’t optional, you’re bringing him in with you.” So John just nodded and took Rupert, holding him against his chest as Amanda slung the diaper bag and then leaned down to pick him up. As he was settles on a hip, his head propped up on her chest and he couldn’t hold in the question. “Hey … about that whole plasma and matter thing … what happens if someone tried to go back after coming through a rift? Like through one of those portal places?” He could tell he hit something with that question because she faltered in her step. He felt a kiss on top of his head and he was lifted up higher onto her elbow so she could look him in the eyes “Well… before we got the hang of what was and was not safe … a few people, bigs and littles … made it through as a pile of … goop.” John just stared at her. A mental image of a person turning into goo cursed his vivid imagination. “Sweety?” John shuddered as he felt acid coming up his throat. Apparently her Mom senses kicked in because she turned and sprinted a few steps. As she got him aimed at a trash can his oatmeal came up. He could barely even hear the comment “Thank the Goddess that they have trash cans by the cart stalls.” After a moment he spit a few times and felt himself upright and being lowered into the seat of a shopping cart. Amanda put the diaper bag in the cart behind him and then wiped his face with a baby wipe. She offered him a sippy cup and said “Here, swish some water around in your mouth and spit it into the trash can.” So as he took a pull of water from the sippy cup and swished it around in his mouth, she rolled the cart right up to the trash can for him. She got the cart aimed at the store and all he could see was their car parked conveniently next to the cart stall. Amanda came around in front of him and leaned down, both of her eyebrows raised and asked gently “Do you want to talk about … that?” John simply shook his head and said “Never.”

Chapter 19 I meticulously picked out the juiciest strawberry slices and the shiniest grapes from the colorful fruit plate in front of me, all while making a concerted effort to ensure not a single piece of grapefruit ended up on my spoon and consequently in my mouth. Although I was far from being the only child at the table with little love for this particular fruit, it seemed that no one else avoided the orange-red segments with such determination as I did. I plucked the last, especially succulent strawberry from my plate and indulgently immersed it in my mouth. After the grueling stomach flu had stolen my appetite for days on end, the sweet berry tasted almost divine, now that I was finally feeling better. It was a typical Friday afternoon in kindergarten, at least until the moment my mother burst through the door unexpectedly – earlier than ever before – turning my usual routine upside down. I had been certain that the day would follow its usual course - with a long, carefree playtime after the afternoon snack, as my mother usually picked up my sister and me just before the kindergarten closed. But today, it seems, I would have to forgo the afternoon playtime with my kindergarten pals. My mother made a visible effort to exude calm as she approached me with quick steps, yet the tension she carried with her today seemed to weigh heavier on her than usual. Somewhere, deep inside me, I felt that I knew the reason for her haste and her premature arrival, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring the faded memory to the surface. "Hello, sweetheart," my mother greeted me, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead as she, completely out of breath, reached me. "We need to hurry a little, okay?" she added hastily, half-apologetically pushing aside my plate with the remaining pieces of grapefruit, "you know, this weekend Mommy has her Continuing Legal Education, her training course and I need to get everything ready and take Sophie to her father." That was it, what I just couldn't recall. My mother wouldn't be here this weekend, which meant that Lea, as often in recent weeks, even though she had never babysat me for an entire weekend before, would be taking care of me while my sister spent time with her father. It was inexplicable to me that I had forgotten this, despite the numerous times my mother had mentioned it. It was strange – given my current lack of activities, one would think that I wouldn't so easily forget such things. Yet, precisely because my daily life was so dictated by others, and it hardly mattered whether I remembered important events or not – since there was always someone there to manage the necessary things for me – my mind seemed to prefer focusing on the small, manageable joys of my present life: deciding which picture to color next or what game to play. My mother quickly wiped the red strawberry stains from my lips with my bib, before skillfully untying the fabric around my neck. She briefly checked my diaper, only to find it still dry, before encouraging me to get going. "Come on, Emily, we need to leave, we don't have much time today." But just as I was getting up, Viola's mother entered the room to pick up her daughter too. Viola's acclimatization period was now over, so she spent her days in the kindergarten without her mother, just like the other children. There were still moments when Viola missed her mother and would cry out for her, but fortunately, these moments were becoming less frequent. With each passing day, she seemed to get more accustomed to her mother's absence. "Is your little tummy feeling better now, Emily?" Viola's mother sweetly inquired, having stepped over to us beside her daughter. My heart skipped a beat as Viola's mother spoke my name. I was still utterly smitten with this woman, and still, my tongue seemed paralyzed in her presence, especially after she had to change my full diaper a few days ago. But I didn't need to say anything, for like every toddler, I had a mother who loved nothing more than to speak for and about her child. "Oh, thanks to Okuobaka D12 globules, Emily is feeling much better now. Emily was initially reluctant to take it, you know how children are with taking medicine, but a little of the pellets in her applesauce and in her milk, and just a few days later, everything was back to normal," she chatted away cheerfully about her more than questionable treatment method to me before I even had the chance to overcome my shyness and respond myself. I rolled my eyes inwardly. The idea that I might have gotten better even without the remedy, and that probably the only things that really helped were time and my immune system, didn't seem to cross her mind. "I do the same with Viola. A few globules and her stomach is all better," Viola's mother agreed, to my dismay, as she too gently cleaned her daughter's face, so they could get ready to leave. Quickly, the two of them were engrossed in a conversation about every imaginable kind of alternative treatment one could think of. Ayurveda, homeopathy, Traditional Chinese Medicine, they covered it all. No matter how much of a hurry my mother was in, she always seemed to have time for such topics. So, suddenly, we were waiting patiently until Viola and her mother were ready to leave, despite our supposed tight schedule, just so we could all walk to the foyer together. This allowed the two adults to continue their "important" conversation. In the foyer, I sat next to my sister, who was already waiting for us, fully dressed. Then, as so often, I silently watched as my mother took off my pink princess slippers and, as a result, slipped on my Minnie Mouse shoes - a scene mirrored by Viola and her mother. I had long become accustomed to such tasks being done for me. Sometimes my mother even let me put on my shoes by myself, but not when she was in as much of a hurry as today. From her perspective, I took far too long for such mundane tasks. She was firmly convinced that everything went much faster when she did it for me. Admittedly, lately, I had really turned into a little daydreamer, getting distracted during the simplest tasks if what was happening around me seemed more interesting. But why should I have hurried? After all, there were no longer any appointments I needed to keep. Whether I was somewhere ten minutes later or earlier made no difference to my life anymore. I was no longer blamed when we arrived late somewhere, as I was just the little child being brought by my mother or caretaker. At least that was one advantage of being a toddler. However, this did not mean that in important situations, I wasn't capable of getting things done as quickly and well as before, even if the people around me obviously no longer believed that of me. As the two mothers lost themselves in a lively chatter about alternative treatments while tying our shoes, my mind drifted off to other worlds. I had listened to such conversations too often to feel any desire to pay them any more attention. Instead, I found myself joyfully imagining what the weekend had in store for me. For the first time, I would have Lea all to myself, as my sister was with her father. I envisioned Lea and me embarking on an exciting treasure hunt in the garden and jumping on the trampoline as if reaching for the sky. A cozy warmth flowed through me at the thought of Lea reading to me at bedtime again, and how her voice would magically transform into various characters. I knew no one who could read aloud as well as she could. Just as I was considering which stories I wanted Lea to read to me this weekend, the mention of my name suddenly snapped me out of my daydreaming. "You know what really helped with Emily's diaper rash...", I heard my mother say, with a casualness as if she were talking about the weather. I felt my face instantly flush red. Suddenly, I wished for nothing more than to become invisible on the spot. But to my great relief, I didn't need to, as my mother's narrative was abruptly interrupted by the ringing of her phone. For once in my life, it seemed I had luck on my side. As she apologetically pulled out her phone and held it to her ear, I could see her facial expression shift from carefree contentment to deep concern. During the call, she only said a few words - "I see," "Oh, that's a shame," and "Get well soon" - which raised more questions than they answered. Finally, the conversation ended almost as soon as it had begun, and my mother, visibly dejected, put her phone back in her pocket. "Is everything alright?" asked Viola's mother, who also noticed the change in my mother's mood. "Lea, our babysitter, just canceled. She's sick and can't look after Emily this weekend," my mother explained, with a hint of heaviness in her voice that immediately spread within me. I had been looking forward to Lea so much. "Do you happen to know a babysitter who might be available on such short notice?" my mother asked Viola's mother, clearly desperate for a solution to her sudden problem. My mother's question triggered immediate panic in me. The thought of someone other than Lea taking care of me sent shivers down my spine. But, to my relief, Viola's mother just shook her head apologetically. "The only babysitters Viola has are my parents, and I don't know anyone else who babysits. I'm sorry." "Darn, how am I going to find a babysitter for Emily on such short notice!? If I can't find anyone, I'll inevitably have to cancel my Continuing Legal Education course. Annoying, but there's nothing I can do," she sighed in frustration. Relieved that at least a stranger wouldn't be taking care of me, I breathed a sigh of relief. Only to realize the next moment how crazy the whole situation was. It didn't seem to be even considered that I, in this emergency, could spend the weekend alone. My mother was even willing to cancel her course rather than leave me, a 19-year-old woman, alone. The worst part, however, was that at that moment I even doubted myself about managing alone. Someone had to change my diapers, dress me, keep me clean, and put me to bed. Deep down, I knew I could do all that by myself, but after weeks of being treated as a toddler, I lacked the deep conviction that this was really the case. What if everyone around me was right, and I really couldn't survive on my own? What if I found myself completely alone and was then helpless? The mere thought of it overwhelmed me and as embarrassing as it was to admit, at that moment I was glad that my mother wouldn't allow me to spend the weekend alone. Viola's mother, her expression marked by genuine empathy, seemed to truly understand my mother's predicament. You could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she searched for possible alternatives. Then, out of the blue, she came up with an idea: "How about I take care of Emily this weekend?" My mother immediately shook her head vehemently. "Oh no, I really can't accept that. It's too much to ask," she responded quickly, raising her hands in a gesture of refusal. But Viola's mother was persistent. "It would really be no problem," she insisted, "I know what it's like to be a single mother on your own. I would be happy to help you!" And to my astonishment, after a moment of internal struggle, my mother actually relented. "That's really incredibly kind of you. I don't know how I can thank you," she said, her face suddenly beaming with gratitude. Inside me, however, was a tumult of emotions. The very woman for whom my heart beat was going to take care of me this weekend and ensure that I continued playing the role of a toddler. My mind was on a rollercoaster at the thought of spending an entire weekend with my crush. At first, it almost sounded like a dream, like a scene from my deepest fantasies. But I knew that for Viola's mother, it was not the same. For her, it was probably just a weekend of taking care of an additional toddler and therefore having one more child to diaper. I longed for her closeness, but only if she saw me for what I really was, an intelligent, attractive woman, and not a little child. During the drive home, I sat quietly, strapped into my child seat in the back of our car, torn by what awaited me. As soon as we arrived home, my mother began packing our things for the weekend in the room I shared with Sophie. In the past, of course, I would have packed my things myself. But that had long since changed. Now, such tasks no longer fell within my responsibilities. I could only watch as my mother made the necessary preparations for my absence, while Sophie and I were allowed to play with our dolls on the floor of the room. First, after fetching a suitcase for me and one for Sophie, my mother pulled out one of my onesies, adorned with pink princesses, and a matching skirt from a compartment in the changing table. "This is cute, we'll take this," she murmured more to herself as she arranged the clothes in the small suitcase beside her. Silently, I had to watch as she next added a red dress with a kitten print to the suitcase. "And this one," she said, without even seeking my gaze or asking for my opinion. What I thought of these clothes didn't matter, and ultimately it was almost irrelevant, as the only clothes I would have really wanted to wear for the weekend at Viola's mother’s were locked away in my room. With each piece she chose, my heart sank deeper towards the floor. Just the thought of spending the weekend at Viola's mother's house in these outfits made my stomach churn. Obliviously, without even noticing my inner disapproval, my mother added to the suitcase's contents with another purple dress, followed by a pair of Minnie Mouse shorts with buttons at the bottom and a matching T-shirt. Each piece she packed was designed so that my diaper could be changed if needed, without having to remove anything. It seemed I almost only owned such clothing now. They had become as much a part of me as my diapers. To top it all off, she pulled out my new, one-piece mermaid pajamas and stuffed them in with the rest of the things. Then, she packed Sophie's suitcase. I glanced enviously at the cheerful, colorful underpants with childish motifs that she was packing for her, only to have to watch shortly after as my mother stored my own "underwear" - which were nothing more than diapers - in Sophie's former diaper bag. Diapers adorned with little mermaids, princesses, and animals gradually found their way into the diaper bag. When my mother finally decided enough diapers were packed for the weekend, the bag was so bulging that she could barely close it. At that moment, I would have sold my soul to the devil just to be able to swap suitcases with Sophie. Finally, my mother also fetched my potty and placed it next to my suitcase so she wouldn't forget to take it later. I felt the heat rush to my face at the thought of having to use the potty for my big business in front of Viola's mother. When my mother then reached for my teddy bear on the bed, my frustration reached its boiling point. This was too much. "Mum, I... I don't want to take my teddy bear," I begged her. My mother looked at me in disbelief, as if she could not comprehend the world anymore. "But you fall asleep with him every night, don't you think you'd miss him, and he'd miss you, if you weren't together this weekend?" It was quite possible that I would miss him, but my 19-year-old self wanted to preserve at least a last shred of dignity. It was bad enough that I had adapted so much to my role that I only fell asleep with a stuffed animal at kindergarten and at home. "No, really, I don't want to take him. It's... embarrassing," I tried to explain the situation to her, but my mother didn't seem to think it was a good idea to let me sleep somewhere else without my favorite stuffed animal. "You don't need to be embarrassed, Emily. Even Sophie packed her stuffed animal." She said this in a tone that suggested if even my sister, who unlike me was potty-trained, brought along a stuffed toy, there was no reason it should be a problem for me. "I'll pack it just in case. If you don't need it, you can just leave it in your bag." And so, to my regret, she also placed the bear in my suitcase. Resigned, I turned back to playing with Sophie, needing somehow to distract myself from my humiliating existence. Playing had long evolved from a simple pastime into a true refuge for me. It represented the only way to leave my bleak reality behind. I could have never imagined finding so much comfort in it, but that was how it was. Sophie had already prepared a little tea party for us and our dolls. One of the dolls, a princess with an elegant, red dress and long, blonde hair, was already seated at the small doll table, and Sophie had set up four sets of tiny cups and plates for us. I picked up my favorite doll, also a princess but wearing a yellow dress and with dark hair, and joined them. "Princess Lila and I would be delighted if Princess Rosalinde and you would come to our tea party," Sophie said, turning to me with a sparkle in her eyes that made me forget my frustration momentarily. With a finely feigned, aristocratic voice, I responded, pretending as if my doll in my hand was speaking: "Thank you for the invitation, Princess Lila and Sophie. Emily and I would be pleased to be your guests." We delved deeper and deeper into our fantasy world. After our tea, we went on a quest for an imaginary treasure and fought against an evil dragon. I had to become a toddler again to realize how wonderful it was to lose oneself in one's own fantasy worlds. I was so engrossed in the game that I didn't even notice our mother stepping up beside us after she had finished packing our stuff. "Are you two playing nicely together?" she finally asked, after a moment of quietly and contentedly watching us play. I nodded enthusiastically, and Sophie agreed as well. "Yes, Mom! We found a treasure and defeated a dragon," Sophie reported proudly. "Wow, great," our mother said with feigned, exuberant enthusiasm. "I need to pack a few things for myself. Can you two stay here and be good while I quickly go to my bedroom?" We both nodded, "Wonderful," my mother said, before her gaze turned to me. "Let me just quickly check if you're still dry, Emily." She bent down and meticulously inspected my diaper. She didn't even need to undo the buttons on my crotch to realize that my diaper should have been changed long ago. Enviously, I watched Sophie as my mother led me to the changing table, Princess Rosalinde tightly clutched in my hands. Despite the discomfort of my wet diaper already irritating my skin, I was far from happy about the prospect of spending the next few minutes on the dull, boring changing table. I longed to continue playing with the dolls on the floor like Sophie, to further escape the dreary reality. "You'll still have plenty of time to play once you have a clean diaper on," my mother tried to soften my clear reluctance to the diaper change. "Yes, but while Princess Rosalinde and I are stuck on the changing table, Sophie and Princess Lila will probably be having exciting adventures without us," I retorted with a tinge of annoyance. "Oh, don't worry," my mother reassured me with a smile, "they're likely to take a little tea break and wait with further adventures until you two are able to join them again." But I had my doubts. Too many times, I had already missed out on the greatest adventures of the two, whether because I was being changed or already in bed, and there was hardly anything more frustrating than only hearing about the experiences later, without having been part of them myself. The fear of missing yet another exciting adventure flooded my mind as the snaps of my onesie were opened. In my desperation, I tried to keep Sophie and Princess Lila in sight, determined to ensure that they really were just having tea during my absence. Therefore, my mother had some trouble unfastening the adhesive strips of my diaper, as I kept sitting up to ensure I didn't miss what was happening on the floor. It didn't bother me when she finally managed to remove my soaked diaper, exposing my bare bottom - this had long become normal for me. No, what irritated me was that because of the silly diaper change, I couldn't continue playing with Sophie and would probably miss out on an exciting adventure. In my fantasy world, I was a brave adventurer, no obstacle too great, not a 19-year-old still wetting herself. So, it was unbearable for me to have to leave my wonderful dream world for something that was none of my concern and not my problem. And by now, a wet diaper was my mother's problem, not mine. My eagerness not to miss anything that Princess Lila and Sophie were doing made it impossible for me to stay still on the changing table, even after my diaper was undone. Again and again, I stretched up or turned to the side, as I couldn't see what was happening on the floor below otherwise. "Emily, can you please stay still for a moment so I can clean you up properly? It's difficult when you keep wriggling like this," my mother gently explained, and once more spread my legs apart after I had closed them again in an attempt to sit up better. Annoyed, I gave in briefly and stayed still so that my mother could wipe the last bits of urine and baby powder from my vulva and bottom with the unpleasantly cold wet wipe. But as soon as she bent down to grab a fresh diaper, I seized the opportunity to sit up again and peek at Sophie. I had been right – of course, they weren't just sitting quietly drinking tea; they were far from the tea table, embarking on God knows what kind of adventure. "You see, Princess Rosalinde, they've just set off without us," I explained frustratedly to the doll in my arms. My mother let out a near sigh as she stood back up and noticed that I had once again abandoned my position on the changing table. "Look, Emily, I've picked out the diaper with the little princesses for you. With this diaper, you're just as much a princess as Rosalinde and Lila, and if you stay still for a little bit longer, you can show it to the other two," she tried to coax me into calmness. But her words didn't really reach me. All I cared about was what was happening on the floor. "Princess Lila and Sophie are no longer at the tea table and are probably having an adventure without Princess Rosalinde and me," I explained the situation to her in frustration, without really responding to her words. I was already trying to get up and walk off the changing table with Princess Rosalinde to join their adventure, completely ignoring the fact that my crotch was currently completely bare, but my mother firmly pushed me back into position. "Emily, you can continue playing with them in a minute, but right now you need to stay still so I can finish diapering you!" she admonished me, now with a much more serious expression. I stayed on the changing table, but staying still was something I just couldn't manage. "Emily, please stay still!" she admonished me again, now visibly annoyed, as she struggled to spread the diaper under me while I incessantly tried to peek at Sophie and Princess Lila. Reluctantly, I let her proceed for a moment, only to sit up again as soon as she came with the baby powder. "Emily, Mommy doesn't have all day to change your diaper! You know I still have a lot to do, please stay lying down now!" she said, now clearly irritated, and pushed me back into the correct position. "But Mum, I just want to see what Princess Lila and Sophie are doing. Maybe the evil dragon has reappeared. Maybe they need our help!" I protested and sat up again. But this time, my mother had enough. "Emily, that's enough! If you don't stay still, you'll be sitting in the quiet corner for the next 10 minutes, and no more doll playing for today! Understood!?" she made it unequivocally clear. Bitterly, I lay back down. "Then it's your fault if they fall victim to the dragon," I said defiantly, but let her proceed, so she finally managed to finish diapering me. "See how quickly it goes if you just keep still. You could have been back to playing much sooner if you had just stayed still," my mother explained, exhausted, after she had closed the snaps of my onesie. She lifted me onto her hip and brought me back to Sophie and Princess Lila, along with Princess Rosalinde, whom I was still holding in my arms. "Look, Sophie and Princess Lila," she said affectionately, as she gently set me down next to Sophie on the floor, "Emily is now a real princess too because she's wearing special underwear reserved only for true princesses!" She then lifted my skirt to reveal my princess-themed diaper, which cheekily peeked out from under my onesie in some places. Ashamed, I lowered my gaze. Even in my fantasy world, this was too embarrassing for me. But contrary to my expectation, I wasn’t laughed at for my undergarment. "How delightful to see you safely back from your journey, Princess Emily," Sophie greeted me with respect instead. For the rest of our playtime, I was indeed Princess Emily, and at least in that moment, my underwear was no longer a source of embarrassment. On the contrary, I proudly incorporated it into our game, showing it off to anyone we encountered on our adventure who didn’t believe I was a real princess. Meanwhile, our mother disappeared from our room, taking care of all those things we as children didn't have to worry about. It's strange how differently you perceive the world as a child. In the past, I probably would have been just as stressed as my mother, trying to get everything ready in time for our departure. But now I was free of these constraints. I was aware of how stressed my mother was and how many things she had to do, but it didn’t really penetrate my perfect world. While my mother packed bags, searched for things, and even prepared dinner in between, the only thing I had to worry about was distracting myself enough with games so that I didn't get bored – and it was no different for Sophie. So, it was no surprise that after dinner, we got into the car deeply relaxed, while our mother, sweaty and rushed, heaved our suitcases into the car. Gathering her remaining strength, my mother helped me into my child seat, while Sophie on the other side of the car was already climbing into hers independently. It was a routine procedure, almost mechanical, as my mother leaned over me and fastened the belt across my lap. But in that moment, a realization struck me like a bolt. Why was I always buckled in first and not Sophie? I recalled our recent car rides, only to realize that I had always been the first to be strapped in. Hadn't it been different at the beginning? Disgruntled that I had been forced into the role of the needier, younger sister in yet another aspect, I looked at the belt that tied me tightly to my child seat. It pertly pushed up my skirt, involuntarily exposing the crotch of my onesie. My princess diaper, which had underscored my noble, aristocratic status in the game and of which I had been so proud, was now grotesquely squeezed out at the sides of my onesie by the tight belt, suddenly losing all its royal semblance. Instead, it became a blatant symbol of my lack of independence. Disheartened, I looked over at my sister, from whose belt no diaper bulged. How could I blame my mother for seeing me as the one who needed more care, when I was so clearly lagging behind my sister in toilet training? Yet, I felt provoked by the fact that she now demoted me on so many subtle levels compared to my sister, just because I was not potty-trained like her. Once Sophie was securely fastened in her seat, we set off towards Viola's mother's house. Only after dropping me off there would my mother take Sophie to her father and then head to her course. With every meter closer to Viola's mother's house, I could feel my mouth becoming drier. After the carefree play with Sophie, during which I had been able to completely block out the sobering reality of my existence, I was now truly back in the here and now, and the regained awareness of my absurd role seemed to literally steal my saliva. Thanks for nothing, sympathetic nervous system. Inevitably, my eyes caught the multivitamin juice lying in the compartment next to my mother. "Mum, could I please have the juice?" I asked, hoping to alleviate the excruciating dryness in my mouth. My mother cast a brief, slightly skeptical glance in the rearview mirror, but then reached for the bottle. "But be careful, Emily," she cautioned me, her voice tinged with a distinct undertone of maternal distrust regarding my dexterity, as she handed me the drink. A hint of defiance was in my voice as I retorted, "I can still drink without spilling anything, even if you might doubt that." Determinedly, I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a sip, reinforcing my claim. "See," I announced heroically, "I drank and everything stayed dry." Forests, meadows, and fields passed by as we drove through the landscape. Yet, my nervousness persisted, and it didn't get any better when I relieved myself in my diaper halfway through the journey. Not that I wasn't accustomed to using my diaper. But I had still hoped to at least stay dry until we arrived at Viola's mother's, even though I had long lost control over that. It was anything but helpful for my inner tension to arrive at my crush's place, not only in my childlike appearance but also in a wet diaper. I had firmly intended to show Viola's mother that I was by no means a small, dependent child, as it might have appeared in kindergarten. "Emily, can I have a sip of the juice too?" Sophie interrupted my train of thought. I passed her the juice without comment, and my mother didn't object either. It was typical that she, of course, didn't caution Sophie to be careful, even though, if anyone was likely to spill the juice, it was my little sister. With a spiteful hope that she would spill the juice on her blue shirt, I watched her bring the too-large bottle to her lips with her small hands. I loved playing with Sophie and knew that it wasn't her fault how I was treated, but it didn't change the feeling of envy I had towards her because of her countless privileges. But, unfortunately, she handed the bottle back to me without spilling a single drop. Annoyed, I took the bottle back and took another sip to alleviate the still-dry feeling in my mouth. "Your destination is on the right," announced the softly modulated, female voice of the navigation system, as we slowly approached a tiny house at the end of a quaint village street. In that moment, enveloped in an almost tangible tension, I wished for nothing more than to jump out of the moving car and escape the impending situation. But the child locks on both the back door and my seat unfortunately deprived me of this means of escape. My mouth was completely dry as we drove onto the uneven driveway of the little house. Instinctively, I pressed the bottle in my hand to my lips again, taking a deep, long gulp in hopes of somehow swallowing down the rising unease. I tried to convince myself that I would get through this weekend, just as I had overcome every unpleasant situation during my therapy. But just as I removed the bottle from my lips, our car hit a pothole, and a wave of the remaining juice in the bottle spilled over my white onesie. Great, just what I needed. If you like my story and would like to support me, you can do so on Patreon (patreon.com/SweetLittleEmily). There, you will also find additional chapters, and a new chapter is published twice a month.

New Chapterrrrrr! Its a little shorter than the others, but its meant to be the one where Jackie realizes he is in a new world and past the point of no return, so its short to help emphasize this and other strong feelings. This one also has some graphic descriptions in the beginning, but nothing too bad. I hope you enjoy! Chapter 3 Dark blue waves crashed and collided with my head. I felt a swirling, tingling sensation similar to sitting next to a hot tub jet just over my entire body. I can't thoroughly describe what dematerializing feels like, but the sensation rushing over my entire body felt like It At the height of this strange feeling, I felt myself lean at the crux of non-existence. Then, like I was on a rollercoaster, I fell into nothingness. A pure, dark purple void swallowed me whole. I felt weightless. There were no aches in my body, none of the discomfort that I didn't realize I had existed in this timeless moment. It was utter bliss. I felt nothing but my thoughts. The emptiness wasn't negative in any way. No burdens except the ones I gave myself existed now. My body expanded and contracted, but I didn't feel it; no, I didn't want to feel it. Being able to control every aspect of my being gave me pleasure, but the world I floated in began to change and shift brightly. I felt a sudden sharp, ear-piercing pinch on my shoulder. My nerves reacted violently as flesh tore from my spine. I couldn't scream, and I couldn't cry. The nothingness started to feel like a burden. My mind screamed. It screamed until it hurt to think. My neurons fired brightly as if attempting to sear a hole through my skull. All the pain that I thought I lost came back tenfold, and it hurt like I was resting my skin on the sun. I felt every single nerve in my body at the same time as my muscles contracted and convulsed. I became incredibly sweaty. The wetness seeped through every pore on my body. I closed my eyes as if on instinct and everything stopped. My nervous system felt like it just had been reset. I wanted to scream, but I didn't feel the urge anymore. ‘All my pain was gone?’ I thought to myself. I felt like I was back in that void again, except now I was laying down in a hospital bed with bars surrounding me. When I attempted to move my muscles this time, it worked. I was able to move my arm up and down. I marveled at it, not because moving my arm was anything special, but because it felt so smooth and different. I tested the joints in my hands, and I felt no resistance as well. Not because I felt resistance before this point but because I was now realizing how much my joints struggled in the past. It was expected then, so now realizing how great I felt, I was baffled that I never realized how bad it was. Starting to regain more of my senses, I began to sit up. Still feeling a little achy though, I took it slow and tried my best to feel around me. The bed I was in was incredibly comfortable, and as I sat up fully, I only now realized the dark nursery I laid in. There seemed to be other cribs, and I now realized I was in one too. I started to feel around me more, noticing the incredibly soft pastel blankets. They felt warm and inviting, and I just snuggled deeper into them. I was distracted suddenly though when I heard a crinkle. Thinking that it was the mattress, I didn't pay it any mind, but now I realized it was instead around my waist. I licked my lips as the feeling started returning to my face, and the warmth spread to my nose. Though unlike the pleasant feeling I felt with my lips, my nose twitched as I smelt a putrid smell. Thinking it was somewhere else, I tried to ignore the smell, but as I moved to get away from it, the smell followed. My butt squished on the mattress as I felt something strange cling to my skin under my diaper. I stopped moving altogether, feeling disgusted in my now-realized state. ‘Did I really shit myself!?’ I thought? I wouldn't dare move an inch as the entire sensation was incredibly unpleasant. I needed to call for someone to help, and looking over to my right, I heard some snoring coming from another crib. “Hello…?” I tried calling out quietly, but I surprised myself with how loud I sounded. I squeaked in shock at how my voice also sounded much higher pitched than before. I tried calling out again on my hands and knees, but this time quieter. “Hellooo?” I succeeded in being quieter, but nobody seemed to hear or care that I was calling for their attention. I was about to speak again, but I saw a small green light flash in the corner of the room. Looking at it, I thought it looked like a camera, but I wasn't sure. I didn't have much time to think about that though, because one of the doors opened and the bright light disturbed me from the peaceful darkness. My eyes watered a bit from the uncomfortable intrusion, but I adjusted to it quickly. The crib bars to my side shot down, surprising me, and that's when I saw a woman dressed in something between a nurse's outfit and a nanny. I tried opening my mouth, but the strange woman quickly put a large bulb in it. I looked at her with fear and felt really uncomfortable in the current moment, a lot of that being attributed to my supposed messy diaper. She didn't ask for my permission though, because I quickly felt my world leave my feet, and I was lifted up a long distance. I squeaked and quickly put my arms around the woman, feeling more scared of falling than of her currently. She made sure to support me where she wasn’t putting any pressure directly on my bottom, something that I was very gracious of. She carried me out of the room and towards the bright light. The woman closed the door behind us, and then before I had any time to see where we were going, she took me into a private room to the side. She placed me down on a padded table of some sort, and I realized we were in some weird-looking bathroom. “Wew awe weh?” I tried speaking, but it came out more muffled behind the thing in my mouth. The strange woman giggled, then took the strange bulb out of my mouth, me now realizing it was a pacifier. “You're at the hospital, sweetie.” She laid me back, the mess shifting uncomfortably under me. “I pooped myself?” I surprised myself by saying. The lady only responded by giggling. “Yes, you did! Don't worry though, Nurse Elly will make sure you're nice and clean.” I pouted. “I didn't mean to go… Was I asleep?” I questioned. Nurse Elly responded, “You've been out for a couple of days hun. It's okay you had an accident; that's expected.” There was so much to unpack with that sentence, and upon hearing I've been out for multiple days, I completely ignored the last part of what she said. I began to dissociate, my breathing became shallow and fast as my heart rate began to rise. Nurse Elly seemed to notice this though, because she quickly put the pacifier back in my mouth. My first instinct was to spit it out, but as I unconsciously sucked on it, and I became incredibly calm. I self-soothed in a way I never had before, and I had to admit, it felt great. My cheeks became rosy though as I realized how much I was enjoying such an embarrassing thing, and I tried to stop sucking on it. Nurse Elly didn't notice though, and she continued with the diaper change as what seemed to be normal. She was extremely efficient and practiced at this, and I almost admired it, but quickly shook my head as I realized what I was admiring. She stopped after she had the new diaper under me and looked down at me. “What's wrong?”. I didn't respond. She shrugged to herself and continued the change as normal, rubbing something into my groin before applying powder and taping it up snugly around my waist. “Where are we…?” I blurted out quietly. “You asked that already.” She stated, chuckling a little. I gave her a look, and she sighed. “You're not on earth anymore, you're in Libertalia.” I looked at her with disbelief, but the change in size and what I'd been feeling led me to believe her more than I otherwise would. “Like on another planet?” I questioned. “You're in another dimension.” She stated way too casually.

Wearing a pink with white pleats onesie and a white pleated skirt with pink tights and a rears princess on

That was very similar for me. She made sure she showed her friends the wet sheets whenever she had the chance. She would also come into my room with her friends when I was still sleeping or in bed and point out that I was wet. My mom first just let me wet the bed and would wash the sheets (rubber sheet over the mattress), but in the last 2 years of my wetting the bed she got a job and started to put me into diapers because she didn't have the time to wash my sheets. Being put into diapers after dinner really sucked since I was in the diapers for a few hours before bed time, and my sister was really good at pointing out to her friends that I was wearing diapers.

My sister used to find it a great source of amusement that her older brother wet his bed and made sure it was no secret.

It was common knowledge that I wet the bed growing up. Mothers mafia and my sister telling all her mates saw to that.

Chapter Twelve: Amanda peeled the baggy shirt off of John and tossed it into the hamper while Cat carried her little Kate into the spare bedroom to change her diaper. She fussed at him a little, but she wasn't actually mad. “How did you manage to go from squeaky clean and adorable to looking like a walking mess in less than five minutes? Are you some sort of dirt magician?” Shutting the lid to the toilet she gently deposited her little on top of the toilet and ran some warm water in the sink. Turning to him with the hand rag from the sink, she asked “Did you at least get to know Kate a bit?” He nodded at her quietly while she started scrubbing his arms with the rag. She rinsed the rag, rung it out and as he started to say something she was already pulling it over his face. When she was done, she pulled it away and asked “I'm sorry, what was that?” He rubbed at his (now) wet face before repeating himself “Why was Kate put in a nursery when they caught her, instead of home?” “Ah.” She answered. “So, I'm not going to say that I agree fully with this, and you may not understand this. But when someones Visa runs out, they can't get a new one. And if a little is lost, they MUST be taken care of, it's simply the law. Now it's not like littles just get claimed and snatched off of the street. But let's take your situation for example.” She stopped for a moment to scrub the dirt off of his legs, and she couldn't help tickling the toes a bit, despite the topic of conversation. She pushed the lever for the drain stopper and left the rag by the sink before kneeling down to look at him eye to eye. “Okay. Is it your fault that you are here?” He thought for a moment before answering “Well … kind of? It was an accident.” She nodded “Right. It was not your fault, accidents happen. You can't get back. You can't take care of yourself in our dimension. None of these things are your fault, are they?” He shook his head no. She continued “So if there is a lost little, or one that can't take care of themselves, they have to either be adopted, or brought somewhere that they will be safe. Again, it's the law.” He nodded along some more. She was pretty sure he was still getting it. “So the Littles Protection Service will bring a little that is lost to a nursery where they can be taken care of until they are acclimated to our dimension, and then someone that wants to take care of a little can go and meet them. There is a background check and your home has to be inspected to make sure that you can take care of a little. We are going to have to go through the same process.” He looked alarmed at that “Do I … have to go to a nursery? I don't want to go there, it sounds scary.” She gave him a quick hug before answering “No sweety, we can do the paperwork and I can adopt you directly. Then we have to get you your own bedroom set up and then follow the rules that the LPS agent gives us. As long as we follow their rules and pass the inspections, then the LPS won't take you and put you in a nursery.” He sat there shaking his head “No nursery!” She gave him a kiss on the forehead “Don't worry, you just be your sweet self and I will take care of all of the rest. Deal?” He nodded now “No nursery?” “No nursery. We just have to get you registered, a checkup at the doctor, and set you up a bedroom that meets the LPS safety standards. I will handle all of it, you just have to keep being a sweetheart.” She stood up and lifted him off the toilet seat and placed him down. With a smile “Now! Aunt Cat has brought you several bags of clothes and you have to try a bunch of them on. Come on, let's get you dressed. She turned and opened the bathroom door and opened it, but she heard John say behind her “Wait!” Looking over her shoulder “What's the problem?” “I need something to wear.” “Yes, that's what we're going to go get.” “I … can't go out there like this, I'm naked.” “Sweety, you're not naked.” “But … I'm just in a diaper.” “Right.” “I don't wanna go out in just a diaper.” With a smirk, Amanda patted him on the head “I think maybe if it were just me here, you wouldn't mind so much?” He nodded slowly, and she grabbed a towel. She leaned down to wrap him up in it, whispering to him “We'll bundle you up so that Kate doesn't see you in just a diaper.” Oh he was blushing so deeply. It was so adorable that she couldn't resist scooping him up in the towel. She carried him out to the living room and stood him up in front of the the couch, now covered in bags and boxes. She looked up to see Cat come out of the spare bedroom and go to the kitchen to throw away a diaper, Kate followed her out of the room and came to the living room to join them. Amanda looked over now “Okay Cat, what clothes did you buy for our little man?” Aunt Cat came back to the living room and sang out “Fashion Show!” and started digging through bags. Then she held up a blue shirt and something made of denim. “First up! Shortalls!” Amanda took the blue shirt from her and turned to John. “Hands Up!” and as he raised his hands the towel fell off and she pulled the shirt down over him. It was a cute blue shirt with a cartoon raccoon on the front. She and Cat both Aww'd as he stood there in just a T shirt and diaper. He looked over to Kate and then down blushing. For her part, Kate seemed mostly undisturbed by what was bothering John. “And now the next part!” She held out the demin section and said “In you step!” and he almost jumped to get his feet into the leg holes and then she pulled the shortalls up and hooked the shoulder straps to the front, then snugged them with the buckles. She stood up to look at her little. He looked PRECIOUS! He was fussing with the buckles a bit, but he looked like the perfect little with his unruly hair and his cute little outfit. Cat tapped her on the shoulder and held up a onesie. “Next!” and as she took it, she looked down at John. He looked a little uncomfortable. “Tell you what, John you come with me to the bedroom, we'll get you changed and you can come show Aunt Cat what it looks like and come back. Okay?” He nodded very enthusiastically and turned to bolt around the couch and into her bedroom. She followed him with the onesie. She pushed the door mostly closed and knelt down “You looked a little shy, so we'll do it this way. Is this better?” He nodded again and she undid the buckles and tugged his shirt up and off as he stepped out of the shortalls. Holding up the white onesie with a big sleeping puppy on the front for him, he made like he was going to step into something and she shook her head “Arms up!” He looked confused, but she pulled it down into place and reached down and did up the snaps. As she let go he went up onto his tip toes when it pulled back into place, hugging his diaper snuggly. He moved his hips side to side a bit, saying “ummm...” “This is for you to sleep in, it keeps your diaper in place and keeps it from sagging or leaking. We don't want it to sag and leak, do we?” He shook his head no and she gave him a pat on the booty. “Then off you go, show Aunt Cat.” And off he plodded, a bit awkwardly at first and then walking a bit more normally. She could hear Cat squeal with glee for a moment and then he came plodding back in with more clothes. And so the cycle continued. Each time John came back looking a bit more worn out. Another shirt and this time some stretchy pants that just barely went over the diaper. A different pair of shortalls, this time with a red shirt. Another onesie. By the fifth time that he came back, he was dragging the clothes behind him and looking thoroughly sad and he mumbled “I don't want to do this anymore.” Awww, poor thing can't handle the spotlight. “That's okay, come here. You don't have to do any more. We'll just put some shortalls over your onesiee you're wearing right now and you'll be set for the rest of the day, how's that?” He nodded and she pulled him into a hug before grabbing one of the shortalls from the pile and helping him into them. Then she grabbed him and lifted him up into a hug. “Let's get you and Kate a juice break and then we'll start on cooking a pizza. Hows that?” He nodded enthusiastically. If there was one thing that all littles loved, it was pizza. Carrying him out into the living she told Cat “Okay, this little one is spent, so I think that it's time for juice and pizza! Cat, if you would be so kind as to get the two new booster seats set up while I get a pizza in the oven?” Cat made a mock salute, then picked up Kate upside down. She let her squeal and giggle for a second, then put her down, declaring “You're not a booster seat!” and with that she picked up two boxes and made her way to the dinner table and pulled two chairs back. While she sat down and set up two seats, Amanda went over and turned on the oven and went over to the freezer. Cats accusation of “Fridge full of veggies, and a freezer full of pizza was not entirely inaccurate. “Cat!” She called. “Cat is losing a fight with some straps at the moment. Please leave a message.” was the smart alec response she got back. Rolling her eyes, she called back “We have been trying to reach you abo-” “Okay okay! What do you want?” “Which pizza do you want?” Cat answered her in a serious tone for once. “Pepperoni and the hottest peppers you have on half, sweet tomato and maybe olives for the littles on the other half.” Getting out a cheese pizza and several jars, she told Cat “Luckily for you, I have grown some of what we need. Except the olives, of course.” Cat stood up, done getting one booster seat strapped to its char “Amanda. Did you invent the pepperoni plant?” Finally able to mess back with Cat for once, she answered “Yes Cat, I have at long last grown a pepperoni plant. That was my reason for moving out of town years ago. I needed a place to do my research in piece.” Cat bounced up and bounded over to the kitchen to join Amanda. Amanda could see Cat take a peek to the living room to see their two littles playing before giving her a hug and whispering “I'm proud of you, We'll make a comedian of you yet!” Amanda was left blushing so she so she grabbed a towel and gave Cat a whack on the butt, admonishing her “Bad kitty! Down!” and shook her head as Cat went back to the living room “I swear, some people are incorrigible.” Just a couple of minutes of putting toppings on a pizza and it was in the oven. “Cat, I am going to fix the kids some juice. Do not eat all of this jar of peppers. These are the last that I have for a month. The rest are pickling.” Cat looked hurt “Why, I never! I would not eat all of your peppers. Again.” She rolled her eyes as she filled two sippy cups up with juice before taking them over to the table. Then she walked over to the living room and slowed down just enough to eavesdrop on the littles, just to make sure they were being appropriate together. She could hear Kate say something about never using bad words. That seemed good, so she went back to the kitchen and set out plate for everyone. “Pizza will be ready in just a minute, you two come over here and try out the new seats Aunt Cat got you!” She could hear one of them walking over and the other one bouncing excitedly. She didn't even have to look to know which was which. She walked over to see one pink booster seat, and one blue one. Patting the blue one, she told John “See? No more stacks of cook books for you to slide off of. Arms up!” He hesitated, but since Cat just came over and snagged her little, he cooperated and went along with being picked up and slid into his booster seat. He made a funny face as his diapered bottom slid into the divot in the seat made for his diaper to slide into. He even shifted around and tried to get out of the boosted seat. Amanda just gave him a pat on the head before buckling the lap belt around him, keeping him safely in his seat. “See? No books to slide off of, you can't fall and get hurt now.” She watched John give up and cross his arms and sulk. He looked over to Kate who was being buckled in right next to him. Since she acted like it was normal, he seemed to settle in. Noticing Cat, picking up the pizza cutter off of the counter sneakily, Amanda rolled her eyes and went to get the juice to put in front of the two littles “You two wait right here, and dinner will be served soon.” She picked up an oven mitt and pulled the pan out of the oven, then slid the pizza off of it and onto the large cutting board she had waiting on the counter. Cat was already slicing it by the time she had the stove off. “Cat, why do you get so excited about cutting pizza?” “It's a knife that rolls. It's neat.” “Oh.” That reminded Amanda of something. She nudged cat on the hip and slowly opened a drawer in front of her and pointed to the camp knife she had found when she found John. Cat looked at it, and whispered “Why would a little even need one of these?” She whispered “I think their dimension might be dangerous. That's why it's important that we keep them safe and happy.” Cat nodded and picked up the cutting board and carried it over to the table singing about “pizza time” She didn't have to make any rhymes or have a reason to, but Cat just loved to sing about everyday things. It was part of her charm, even if it could be a little frustrating at times. As she and Cat sat down across from their littles, she noticed Xerxes sliding over by John. Cute, but just to head that off in advance, she elbowed Cat a little and then pushed the entire table towards the littles just a bit. Just in case. “Who's hungry for pizza!” she declared as she put a slice of tomato and olive pizza on each of their plates, while Cat put two slices on each of their own. Sitting across from John she noticed that he was looking at the pizza funny and asked “What's wrong, sweety?” He picked up the end of the slice of pizza “I just didn't expect a pizza to be this big. This slice is like a half of a medium pizza.” “Sweety, We are a bit bigger.” He took a bite of his pizza and frowned like he was processing something before asking “I've never had tomato that tasted like this before. May I have some pepperoni?” All three of the other people turned at looked at him, and Kate had stopped chewing mid bite. He looked around and asked “What?” Cat tried to help out by chiming in “Sweety, Pepperoni is a bit spicy for littles.” He shrugged and said “I eat pizza with pepperoni and jalapeno at home all the time. Plus I can eat a habanero, if that helps?” Kate went back to chewing her food and then swallowed “John, their spicy is not the same as our spicy.” Amanda looked over at Cat uncertainly. Cat just shrugged at her and tore off a sliver of a pepperoni and held it out to John. She was about to speak up, but Cat cut her off “I had to do this with Kate so that she could see for herself. And now it's Johns turn.” As he took the sliver of pepperoni, really half the size of his finger, he shrugged nonchalantly and popped it into his mouth. She could see him chewing for a moment and then he stopped. He closed his eyes and balled up his fist and silently brought it down on the edge of the table a few times before swallowing. He reached for his sippy cup and started sucking on the spout with a mission. Kate, sitting next to him looked sympathetic, but stayed silent while he learned an important lesson. Finally he put his sippy cup down and rubbed his watery eyes on his forearm. “I sure do love these olives. Olives are amazing. They're a bit salty. And not at all spicy.” Amanda got up and went around the table and used a paper towel to wipe Johns face and held it over his now runny nose. She simply said “Blow.” and he looked up at her confused for a moment before blowing his nose like a she expected him to. Amanda patted him gently on the head “Our food is a bit too spicy for littles. Littles like sweet stuff, and Amazons like spicy stuff. That's just how it is.” The rest of the meal was pretty quiet, but Amanda looked up to see a few extra olives on the side of Johns plate. Olives that were suddenly absent on Kates pizza. She talked quietly with Cat about Johns upcoming doctors appointment tomorrow and needing to get him registered first thing in the morning. She looked over to see a pile of sweet tomato on Kates plate. Tomatoes that were suddenly absent on Johns pizza. Amanda grinned as she watched Kate trying to be sneaky about picking up the sweet tomato and popping them into her mouth, while John was doing the same with olives. And then Cat interrupted the quiet moment. “I think you should move your desk to the living room.” THAT got her attention “Excuse me, but why?” “You have a three bedroom house, why not have three bedrooms?” “No Ma'am, I have a two bedroom house with an office.” “Nope, that room is the perfect size for a littles bedroom.” “Cat, I am not putting my desk in the living room.” “You have a desk and one filing cabinet. That you don't even use. You don't have a TV, so just put your desk over there where most people would put a TV. Done.” “Why don't I just put my desk in MY spare bedroom?” “Because that is MY room. I nap in there, Kate naps in there in her playpen.” “Cat ...” “We'll talk about this later after you've had time to realize that I'm right.” During the rest of dinner, John tried to eat a second slice of pizza, but he and Kate wound up just eating the toppings. Both of them had cheese covered hands. John asked “May I have a paper towel?” and of course Amanda was all too happy to get up and wipe his face and hands for him. John was protesting “Hey, I can do it myself!” while Kate was silently letting her Momma wipe her clean before unbuckling the lap belt and lifting her out of the booster seat. “John, I'm sure that you can do it just fine on your own, but won't you let me do it for you? Then you can go play for on the porch for a bit while your Aunt Cat and I figure out where to move my desk to, to make a room for you?” He grumbled a bit, but cooperated. As she picked him up she saw his hand going for the plate with the leftover pizza and she pivoted him over the back of the chair and gave him a thump on the bottom. He yelped and put a hand over his backside. “No Sir, I draw the line at feeding cheese to the dog.” “Awww, but ...” Amanda gave him 'that' look and asked “You want a time out?” John just looked at her, not seeming to comprehend, but Kate walked over quickly and took his hand and pulled him off toward the porch. Amanda nodded approvingly. Little Kate was definitely going to help little John adjust to life here. They need to spend time together. And so while the two littles played on the porch by setting up Johns tent, she went into her office and tried to reason with Cat. It didn't work, of course, and two hours later her desk was set up in the living room. She had to admit that it didn't look out of place, and now she could see everything in the living room and peak into Johns room just by leaning back in her chair a bit. That didn't mean that she wasn't going to complain about it, though. By the time that was all done, Amanda and Cat walked outside to find two littles on the porch using a dog as a pillow and rubbing their eyes. She went inside to get her phone to take a picture. Cat was already there with a finger to her lips and holding up her phone to show her several pictures she had already taken. Nodding conspiratorially to each other, they both went to the kitchen and Cat pulled a glass bottle out of the fridge. “This is fresh, I pumped it before coming here. Do you want to give it to him in a bottle, or a sippy cup?” Amanda shook her head “I don't think he's ready for a bottle yet. Poor thing is still scared of everything.” Cat shrugged and said “That's fair. Little Kate has been nursing straight from the tap for a month now. So it's fine to wean them into it slowly.” Cat waited for Amanda to get a big sippy cup full of Cats fresh milk and then together they walked out onto the porch and collected their sleepy littles. While Amanda went to one side of the couch and wrapped her little up in a blanket, Cat went to the other side of the couch and wrapped her own little up in as well. Her little John looked confused at being swaddled up, but he was sleepy and didn't fight it once she put the sippy cup full of milk up to his mouth. Within seconds he was sleepily sucking down the milk. He woke up a little when he noticed that on the other side of the couch, Cat had her shirt up and her nursing bra unsnapped. Kate was wrapped up nice and snug, nursing with her eyes closed like a good little. Johns eyes darted back and forth between Kate nursing and his own sippy cup. But he was well behaved and finished his milk. Amanda held him to her chest, softly stroking his back. Within minutes, the milk had settled in his tummy and he was out like a light. Once both littles were firmly asleep, Amanda took Johns shortalls off, leaving him in a onesie, and slipped him into the playpen, while Cat gave her a one armed hug and whispered “Come with me and I'll get you the carseat I bought you and then get this little troublemaker home.” They went out to the car together and once Kate was in the carseat and the door was closed, they shared a hug and Cat gave Amanda a quick kiss and said “I'm proud of you. We'll come by and visit on Tuesday.” Amanda, blushing just a bit gave Cat a swat on the bottom “Drive safe!” As Amanda went back into the house and leaned over the rail of the playpen to smile down at her little, she checked his diaper. Well, better change that now, it's soaked. After she got him changed and back in his playpen to sleep, she covered him up with a blankie and mussed his hair. Now that he was in bed, she went back to her computer. She updated her notes and folder of pictures. She checked her email and found a contract from the research team that she read through thoroughly. The terms were very simple. No hypnosis allowed, the only regression that was allowed was to occur naturally through interaction, breast milk, and nurturing. The point of this research is to track motor skills and mental capacity during the course of natural, unaugmented regression, to test the theory that littles can still be happily regressed and mentally functional. Pulling out an actual pen and paper notebook, she carefully took notes of what was required of her. Monthly medical visits. Any medications should be documented, including anything to help with stress. Any dependencies, such as a fixation on pacifiers should be noted. She finished that and scrolled down to see how much they were offering to pay for setting up a nursery... That can't be right. That's WAY more than she could possibly spend on furniture and diapers.

Avery gets to present his work and hopefully impress everyone, especially Christy, after her words of encouragement. Chapter 4 - The Presentation Avery arrived at the office early, nervous and exhausted but determined. It was 8:00 a.m., but he had been there since 7:00 a.m. He wanted to make a good impression on his first day. Setting up his computer and backpack, Avery began the workday with a sense of contentment in the office's morning calmness that made him contemplate if working alone wouldn't be best for him. He went to grab another cup of coffee as his eyes felt heavy, but since no one was around, he had to make the coffee for the first time. He wasn’t sure how many scoops to put in the machine. He guessed three scoops looked about right for the size of the coffee pot. While the coffee brewed. He went to the bathroom. He had been going to the bathroom much more frequently due to all the coffee and water he was drinking. He decided to do the same thing as before and set the alarm for him to use the restroom every hour, just in case. He just had to hope no one noticed his odd behavior. The project meeting was scheduled for 10 a.m. Avery had two hours remaining to finish preparing his notes, which he printed out in a Word document to distribute among his project teammates. Next, John marched into the room with an air of arrogance, striding confidently past Avery without so much a glance. His voice bellowed in rage through his phone as he shouted fervently about some work-related crisis. Avery could feel the fury and intensity radiating off of John in waves, leaving him feeling insignificant and small. Christy then emerged wearing a light pink blouse and a matching skirt that fell to her knees, accentuating her small frame. Her eyes were gentle and warm, her lips curved in a comforting smile, and she gracefully approached his desk. Christy leaned over on his desk. “I'm so excited to see the outcome. I have faith in you; I know you will do brilliantly.” She smiled at him compassionately, offering him some comfort and support. “I was up late last night putting in some work. I think I made some real progress. Can’t wait to show everyone,” Avery said with a wide grin. Christy leaned over his desk to take a look at the document he was working on. She got a little too close for comfort, and Avery began to squirm slightly. “Wow, you managed to knock out all of this in one night? That's really impressive!” Avery could smell the perfume from Christy as she continued to lean over the desk. The scent of Christy's perfume was a refreshing mixture of the lily of the valley, the sweetness of freesia, and the warm, earthy notes of jasmine. It was an exquisite blend. “I was just going to present the problem with the calculations, but I sort of got on a roll and fixed the calculations and solved the formulas, which I hope we can plug into the program.” His voice choked a little as he could smell her perfume. She smelled as beautiful as she looked. Avery observed Christy examine the list of equations he had presented her. She stared at it for a moment, and Avery felt almost like a student eagerly awaiting their professor's assessment. Christy blinked twice, which told Avery she was having trouble comprehending everything that quickly, not because she wasn't smart enough but rather because it was too early in the morning. “Well, I am sure John will appreciate it a but he will ask you a few questions so he can sound smart.” She chuckled as she stood back up and walked to her desk As Avery watched her leave, he couldn't help but be captivated by Christy's scent. It was almost too much for him to handle, making it hard for him to concentrate on his paper. Still, he managed to finish it just before 10 a.m. He quickly printed out copies and distributed them to those in attendance. Just as he settled back into his seat, his alarm went off again—a reminder to use the restroom. He swallowed down another Valium and chugged the last of his third cup of coffee before standing up to present his paper with shaky hands. He got up and grabbed his folder with his notes and the documents he had printed out. He was walking by the conference room. John and everyone were already there. He was going to put his papers down on the table and then go to the bathroom real quick. But as he turned around to leave, John stopped him. “Where are you going, Avery? Are we starting without you? My philosophy on meetings is that they start on time—and if you're not early, you're late." John punctuated each word with conviction as he leaned back in his chair. Avery really had to pee but sat down at the end on the tables for fear of being laughed at again or upsetting John. Feeling anxious about needing the bathroom only seemed to amplify the pressure in his bladder; his foot rapidly tapped the floor nervously. The meeting began as a storm of tension and urgency. John hastily summarized the current progress issues in play and emphasized the critical importance of this project for the company. He slammed his fist down on the table to bring attention to the slide show that illuminated behind him: “Team, it is the first week of June - and time is running out!” A bug in the software has been identified that causes the calculations to either error or go into an infinite loop. He ordered Zak Carter and Ethan Astrum to rapidly discover the chemical makeup needed based on blood type, DNA, cancer type, and its stage of progression. Zak and Ethan have been working with John for many years, since before they both reached middle age. They both deeply understood the project and respected John, and he favored them in return. Their hair is starting to grey, and they have a confident air about them, knowing they have John's backing. Avery nervously eyed the agenda as John continued with a detailed explanation of future schedule and budget expectations. Relieved he was next in line to present his findings, Avery momentarily forgot about needing to excuse himself for the restroom until John spoke about the programming issue. Proudly remembering how he had uncovered the program problem, Avery felt empowered to speak up confidently – it wasn’t actually in programming code but rather within their strategy for calculation. “We have six million dollars at our disposal,” bellowed John - money allocated for salaries, third-party experts, analytical work, technical software, and hardware needed - sufficient funds if applied correctly - yet insufficient time to make it all happen. John's voice was like thunder, reverberating off the walls as he spoke. “The pilot plant will launch in mid-next year, and we have to make this work if we want to create drugs for human trials. We are talking about a massive study that involves 200,000 participants worldwide. This is a lot of custom drugs and lives on the line; the pressure is immense!” John pointed at each member of the team one by one. “We only have 6 million dollars to work with, and $1.3 Million has already been allocated for personnel for the whole year. If someone decides to leave, everything changes.” He eyed Christy intensely, her skin crawling with fear as his gaze lingered on her. Avery felt bad for Christy. He wasn't sure why John eyed her, but Avery's heart sank as he watched helplessly, wishing desperately that he could do something to shield Christy from John's intimidating words. John continued to outline the details of their budget as Avery paid little attention and worked his notes over in his head again. Johns's voice was deep and direct as he spoke. “Another $565,000 for the third part consultation was spent to date.“ John continued, “So, does anyone else know of any more consultations we may need?” “Analytical to date has been $1,500 million. I know we need more support, at least through the summer. Does anyone have a feel for what that number is?” There was silence as John moved on. “We have spent 240,000 and 270,000 on software and hardware, respectively.” “Now that we are done with the review. The first up to discuss their progress is Avery.” “Avery, would you like to tell us what you have found or progressed on?” Avery took a deep breath and stood up. He walked over to the whiteboard and grabbed a blue dry eraser. Every eye in the room was drilling into his skull as he slowly stepped towards it, clutching onto the blue dry eraser like a lifeline. Even with the Valium, his heart was racing. Avery started to speak “'there are two types of stable equilibria in a two-dimensional space: knot and focus.” Before he could continue, Zak quickly spoke up. “What does this have to do with solving the program problems?” John shifted in his chair as he made a tentative gesture with his hand towards the table, “We can....take a look at this...it could be interesting.” Avery couldn’t quite tell if John was mocking him or not, and his heart skipped a beat in worry. He tried to stay composed as he drew in a deep breath and felt Christy's reassuring gaze upon him, urging him to maintain his composure and remain steadfast. “What I'm trying to say here is that when I examined the program calculations, I noticed both methods were being used – for normal cells, the knot method was utilized while for cancerous cells the focused method was employed. However, when the program attempted to analyze the two results and identify the differences between them, it crashes or goes into a never-ending loop depending on its starting point.” Avery heard Zak murmur something under his breath to Ethane, which sounded suspiciously sarcastic. “He actually thinks he knows more than Ethane and me after we've been working on this for two whole years.” Ethane fired back. “Yeah, he doesn’t know what he's talking about…” Christy seethed with anger at their insolence. It seemed that she had heard similar words early on in her career. “Enough! Just listen to him for once. He put some effort into this.” John shot both Ethane and Zak a threatening look of warning. “Ok, let's review the difference between the two methods for stable equilibrium. A knot is an equilibrium point where the eigenvalues of the Jacobian matrix have no imaginary part. This means that the system will always return to the equilibrium point after a small disturbance. A focus is an equilibrium point where the eigenvalues of the Jacobian matrix have an imaginary part. This means that the system will move away from the equilibrium point in a spiral motion.” Avery explained tensely. Avery busily scribbled notes and diagrams onto the board, trying his best to illustrate his lesson. “No way, he's not teaching us anything new! Keep going if you think this is going somewhere though...” Zak said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Avery felt like he was about to burst from anxiety and fear; his bladder felt tight and uncomfortable, and a subtle trickle of urine trickled down his inner thigh before he could stop it. Struggling to contain himself, he turned away from Zak, Ethane, and Christy, facing the board instead as he continued to draw. “There are also three types of unstable equilibria in a two-dimensional space: knot, focus, and saddle, which is valid in the case of a cancerous cell since it is always changing. A knot is an equilibrium point where the eigenvalues of the Jacobian matrix have a positive real part. This means that the system will move away from the equilibrium point in a linear motion. A focus is an equilibrium point where the eigenvalues of the Jacobian matrix have a negative real part and a nonzero imaginary part. This means that the system will move away from the equilibrium point in a spiral motion. A saddle is an equilibrium point where the eigenvalues of the Jacobian matrix have different real parts. This means that the system will move away from the equilibrium point in two different directions.” “From this, you can select two methods to come to a solution the results will diverge and be different. You must choose either the focus method or saddle method for calculating the cancer cell and the noncancer cell to ensure that the difference between the calculations doesn’t occur.” Christy was quite impressed with his calculations and logic. “So why don’t we select the focus method because we used it once for the cancerous cell?” “Actually, Christy. That is the method I would recommend for the same reason. There is less program editing, and the cancerous cell is already harder to program.” Avery turned to smile at Christy. “Christy, don’t say anything till Avery is done before we make any judgment calls,” John lashed out to Christy. Avery could hear snickering as he tried hard to hold his bladder and closed his eyes once again. John, Ethan, and Zak were all talking, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Avery noticed John did not lash out at those two. Avery needed to get through this as quickly as possible. He felt another few drops of moisture drip out of him. He wondered if that was from the first leakage or if it was happening again. He tried to tense up again to hold on. He just needed a few more minutes… “Now, let's talk about the setup of the initial equation. The initial equation looks at the wall strength of the cell and the internal pressure created in the cell due to density as a function of the pressure and temperature in the cell. However, it does not consider the external pressure exerted on the cell by the fluid surrounding it.” Avery was starting to fidget back and forth like a little kid who needed to go to the bathroom as he held his bladder. “I should have never had all that coffee,” he told himself before continuing. “This means that the initial equation is only a simplified system model. To get a more accurate model, we need to take into account the external pressure. We can do this by adding a term to the equation that represents the external pressure.” Avery stood back from the board and looked at all his formulas, and then began to finish it up. “Once we add this term to the equation, we can then use the methods that I have described to analyze the stability of the equilibria. This will allow us to determine whether the cell is stable or unstable under different conditions.” He turned around, confident he proved himself right, but the faces on all three except Christy didn’t look too impressed. He hadn’t exactly expected rapturous applause, but he didn’t think he’d get completely stonewalled. A simple pat on the back would’ve done. Johns's voice was cold and serious as he spoke. “Ok, Avery, do you really think that this is all correct, and after only two weeks, you were able to come up with all this?” John looks offended; someone would have the nerve to tell him how to do these calculations. “Second, even if this is right, you must’ve had help. Which department did you get help from?” “I... I didn’t.” Avery got cut off by Zak when he stood up quickly. “You think this is going to work? It's just a load of crap math!” Zak jumped up, rage radiating from him. “Ethan and I have worked for years as and so much harder than you on this project!” He shoved Avery out of the way and proceeded to wipe the board clear, snarling in contempt. “Don’t! It is right!” Avery started to tear up, and not realizing he let go of his bladder as pee quickly filled up his pull-up and started to leak out and down his legs, as a wet stop showed up on his crotch and left leg. Avery froze in place as he felt the pull-up fail. The padding swelled up, and the warm urine spilled over the sides. Unlike the warmth of his disposable underwear, the liquid on his legs rapidly cooled as the pee ran down his legs. He gasped and wondered if there was any way to keep this quiet. When he looked down and saw the wet streaks on his pants, he knew it was impossible. Ethan's eyes widened with disbelief as he spotted Avery, and he yelled out in shock. “What the hell!? Is he PEEING?!” John staggered back a few steps, mouth agape, and exclaimed incredulously. “I think Pissy Britches is so mad we don't like his fake solution that he's actually -" Zak reacted quickly, spinning around to face the specter before him, his voice quivering as he blurted out in disgust. “Gross! He's peeing on the floor!" With fear racing through his veins, Zak quickly retreated away from this disgraceful sight. Avery felt mortified as he couldn’t move. He wanted to run away, curl up, and die, or at least to evaporate and become invisible. With a quick scan around the room, he realized that Christy was nowhere in sight. Had she seen his embarrassing accident? He prayed she had already left the room, and he simply hadn’t noticed, but he know she ran from watching the disgusting scene. The excruciating taunts seemed to stretch on for an eternity, though in reality it was only mere moments. Avery felt his body tense up as he tried his best to suppress the raging torrent of tears that threatened to break through. The door suddenly flung open again, and Christy reappeared with Bryan in tow. He strode into the room, scanning each person with a menacing stare. Christy stood meekly in the corner, too embarrassed to make eye contact with Avery. Her cheeks were stained with tears at the sight of Avery's torment. “What the hell, John? You should know better than this! All of you get out of here! This is disgusting and shameful behavior for all of you!” Bryan roared at John, Zak, & Ethan as he saw what had taken place. Zak defensively grabbed his belongings to leave. “It wasn't us who pissed in our pants and on the floor and made a mess everywhere.” Bryan snapped back in outrage. “Don't even start with me, Zak. Now get out!” Ethan followed with John, folding his laptop down and then leaving also. There was still some laughter as they left. Bryan looks John sternly in the face. “You are supposed to set the example and not be part of the problem.” John said nothing as he walked past Byran, looking really unphased by the comment. As he passed Christy, who was still behind Byran. He gave her a dark glare as he knew she went and got Byran. As they left, Bryan went over to Avery and put a caring hand on his shoulder. “I will take care of John and the team later, but we need to get you cleaned up first.I know it is embarrassing, but we can’t have you standing here like this. Can you at least go into my office and hide out there while we figure something out for you, OK?” Avery couldn't bring himself to look up, feeling both Bryans and Christy's stares. "Christy, you can go now. I'm grateful for your quick thinking. I will make sure there is no retaliation against you.” Bryan said. Avery watched Christy leave the room. He wondered what she was thinking. Any respect or friendliness she had for him must’ve evaporated as Avery stood in his puddle. "I am going to go get the janitor for the floor, but please go into my office. Don't worry about sitting on the chair," Byran said as he was so infuriated with John, Zak, and Ethan. There was no need for this. They are professionals. When Byran left, Avery took a deep breath and exited the conference room. Instead of going to Byran's office, he ran to the elevator, which had just opened, and someone walked out, leaving the elevator empty. Avery was done. He made a fool of himself. He was going to go straight home. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to come back. After Byran got the janitor, he returned to his office to talk to Avery. When he entered, he wasn't there. Bryan sighed. "Poor kid." Bryan sat down in his chair and dialed a phone call. The phone picked up. "Hello, Byran. What is going on with you today?" Julian, the HR director, responded quickly to the phone call because the person calling him would show up on his office phone. "Not good news. It is John's behavior again. This time he really screwed up." Byran paused, and Julian could hear the sigh. "Let me just be blunt, he made our new Intern, Avery, piss in his pants, and I am not talking about a dribble but a full blow pissed in his pants all the way down to the floor, and then he and two of his engineers laughed and made fun of him." "That guy is a pain in our ass," Julian replied. "Let me come up there, and we can talk in your office. Luckily, I don't have any other meetings for the remainder of the day". "Sounds good. I will see you in a few," Byran hung up. This wasn't John's first run-in with making employees uncomfortable or threatening them. Unfortunately for Bryan, the company's CEO favored John because of all the patents he had created for the company. He leaned back in his chair and looked up, thinking how to best handle this. Avery is definitely upset and mortified. Would he even want to come back? Are there any legal ramifications Avery could take against the company? Just as he was thinking this. There was a knock on Bryan's office door. "Come in." "Excuse me, Mr. Wells." Christy walked in carrying several papers. "I think you need to look at these. I don't think John even gave Avery a chance". Christy handed the documents over to Bryan, placing them on his desk and listening to Christy talk while he reviewed them. Christy felt safe talking to Bryan because she, too, had several run-ins with John at work, where Bryan was able to take care of her. "I know you are aware of the long-standing problem of the program not converging and crashing all the time on the calculation for the drug formula. John has always insisted that the problem is in the program, not the calculations. I think he may be seriously wrong." Christy then pointed to the second page of all the hand calculations Avery was doing. "See here. We tried to use two different convergence formulas between the cancerous and normal cells. Each method has a fundamentally different starting point, which results which makes them incompatible with each other. Avery was trying to explain this." She paused to allow Bryan to take it in. He flipped back and forth between several papers. After a couple of minutes studying the calculations, as Christy stood there silently, letting him digest it all in, Byran's face turned red to looked upset. "How did we miss this for almost nine months?" He looked at Christy as if he wanted her to answer him. "I.. I.. don't know, Sir." Christy felt terrible not having a better answer. "I was never allowed to work on that part of the project. John's overly protective of this project. He makes it well known we are not allowed to work outside our bounds. In fact, I had heard John make comments to Avery about not focusing on the calculations." "I am sorry, Christy. I am not mad at you. I am just frustrated that we have wasted a lot of time looking for a problem in the wrong spot.” John sighed and shook his head. He had always tried to foster a spirit of teamwork, but clearly, it wasn’t working. Just then, there was another knock on Bryan's door. Julian walked through. "Hey Julian, one second," Bryan said. "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I will look through the papers more later. I promise there will be no repercussions for bringing this to me or letting me know what happened in the meeting quickly." Christy nodded. "Thank you, Sir." She turned around to leave the office. "Oh, one more quick thing, Sir. Look over the second page on external pressure. That is something I am not sure would or would not apply. Avery never got to explain this." She then walked out as Julian gave her an inquisitive look. "I can’t help but ask, since I heard Avery's name in your conversation with Christy, what was that all about?" Julian walked over and pulled up a chair on the opposite side of Bryan. Bryan sighed again as he looked at Julian. They had been working for this company for over fifteen years and had known each other for some time. "You know how we have been writing this program to calculate a custom-made drug for specific cancers and how we have struggled to get it to coverage on some of the most theoretical calculations." Bryan paused to let Julian catch up since the project's technical details weren't common knowledge for him. "John may have been severely wrong in his approach." Julian leaned back in the office chair. "So let me see if I can sum this up. John's own arrogance and lack of compromise have prevented his team from finding a solution to this problem, which billions of dollars are dependent on for the company to build this pilot plant. Which he is putting this project at risk. Then an intern arrives and finds a potential solution in less than two weeks." "Yep, that sums the first part up well." Bryan looks through the papers still. "We need to do a much deeper dive into Avery's calculations to really vet them, but it looks promising." "So where is Avery, this brilliant young man, then?" Julian asked as he expected to find Avery in his office. "I checked his badge just before Christy came in, and he has checked out of the building. I can only assume he went home." Bryan looked up at Julian. Julian gave a little chuckle. "So the rest of this story is that we have a brilliant young man who left the office building. Who now holds the calculations and understanding of our fundamental problem. If I were that young man, I would not come back because I have been humiliated to death having urinated in front of his team members, and then I am sure others saw him on his way out. Which could lead to some possible legal problems if he doesn't return. Wow, what a H.R. nightmare." Byran looked at Julian. Nothing could elevate Julian's blood pressure. No matter how bad things or crazy things got, he was always calm and humorous. "The problem is we both know we can't get rid of John no matter how badly we want to. Regardless of what H.R. rules he broke, our CEO will not allow us to terminate John. I can hear him just yelling at us and saying, 'Just deal with it!'" Julian then spoke with confidence. "Your job is to get Avery back and ensure he is ok." "I will pull in a favor with Darlene and ask her to house Avery and allow him to continue with the project under your direct supervision." He paused for a second and then continued with his thoughts. "We will still write John up yet again, but this time impose a restraining order within our company that he can not be alone with Avery without one of us present at all times." "But, do you think that will stop John from harassing him? He won't listen to the so-to-speak restraining order." Bryan looked unsold on Julian's idea. "I agree he might stay away a week or two, and then he will ignore that restraining order. But that is why I am putting him with Darelene's department. I have never met a manager who takes more interest in her employees and becomes very protective of them. Her personality might put John in his place the first time she meets him and crosses her line of authority." Julian looked at Bryan with a sense of confidence that Bryan knew he knew something about this woman. He had only met her when the CEO would call for a leadership meeting. "Well, I guess we both have work to do." Julian got up and smiled as he walked out of the office. "Let us salvage this. I will go talk to Darlene."

Some free time to work from home, so pretty over the top. Madima sparkle socks, Little Bella Diaper, pink ABDL t with Pink Unicorn skirt, plastic heart pants, hair bows and braids, a bottle of juice and 2 baby dolls, and some sparkle make up.

Hey, no I never did join the wetset forum, I was actually surprised that the username wasn't already taken when I signed up today. I chose the name because I will never forget the little magazine, it's what made me realise I wasn't alone in this, that others enjoyed water sports and most of all wearing diapers. My life changed the day I found the mag on the shelves 😘

Hi, I am in Melbourne. Looking for friends to chat with

Who’s a smelly girl? It’s Kori! Uh-ohs, boom-booms, or squishies. Assigning a childish name is fun for us, but it only makes the experience of a dirty diaper that little bit more humiliating for our big baby girls (if that’s even possible). Most of us have seen and smelled enough dirty diapers that we barely bat an eye anymore, but it sure seems like our little ones are only a little bit more comfortable in them now than they were at the start. The only difference is that now they might be able to sort of keep their composure for a little while. With those first few messy diapers, it was anyone’s guess how our babies would react. As part of our series where we learn more about our babies through the story of their first dirty diaper, we recently sat down with Anna, Baby Kori’s older sister/mommy, who was kind enough to take us through the story of Baby Kori’s first time messing her pants. What was happening the first time that Baby Kori had a messy diaper? Well, first, I’ve got to say, I really never expected this to happen. Even up to the moment that it did. So it was a total surprise to me, even though maybe I should have seen it coming. I guess maybe Kori had been living with me for a year or so by then. When she’d graduated college, she’d moved back in with our parents for what was supposed to be just a little while while she looked for a job. That’s of course pretty normal, but she never really did the work. My parents were getting concerned after about 6 months, so they started monitoring her progress a little more closely. It turned out she basically wasn’t applying for anything and was just hanging out all day until she could see her friends from high school and college at night (after they’d gotten off work, of course). That certainly didn’t go over too well with my parents, but Kori was ultimately able to convince them that she was just lacking in confidence. So they helped her get connected with an advisor who helped her with her resume and with finding jobs. That got her some interviews, but she seemed to fail to impress every time that she got one. I really don’t know if this is fair or not, but she never seemed too upset about that when it happened, which didn’t make my parents any happier with her. Eventually they decided that she needed to be doing something for work, even if it wasn’t necessarily something that used her degree, and they had arranged through a friend to get her a job at the local convenience store. Kori was reluctant, but it was explained to her that if she didn’t want to work there, she’d have to find another job, and my parents said they wouldn’t be helping her out with spending money any more so she wouldn’t be able to go out with her friends anymore if she didn’t take the job. So she took the job. She told our parents that things were going fine, but after about three weeks she came home and said she’d been fired. It turns out that pretty much since day one, she’d been a nightmare employee. It was just a small shop, so most of the time she’d be the only person on duty during her shift. She of course was supposed to ring out customers, but she was also expected to keep the shop clean and the shelves stocked. Which really shouldn’t have been hard to do over the course of a shift in a shop that size. But instead she was just sitting on her phone the whole time, to the point that sometimes she barely even looked up when a customer came up to the register. At first her boss thought maybe she just didn’t know, but after a few weeks he started to look at the security footage and saw how bad it was. He told her that even though she was the daughter of friends, if he saw another day like that he’d have to fire her. And, of course, even knowing that she’d been just as lazy the next day, and he’d been left with no choice but to follow through. That was a real wake-up call for my parents, and that was when they called me. I live about three hours away from them, and far away from any of her friends. We all figured that maybe she was a little spoiled living at home, since she was still able to see her friends regardless of whether she had a job. Maybe sending her out here without some of the distractions would help her finally make an effort, since getting a job would probably be the only way she’d be able to make friends or be able to afford to go out to meet people. Kori wasn’t too happy about that. I’m about four years older than her, so while we never really fought much, we weren’t incredibly close either, and we hadn’t lived with each other full time since I’d gone to college about ten years before. So, I don’t think it sounded fun to her. But that was kind of the point! Anyways, I have a good job that lets me work from home and pays well, so I had plenty of room in my house. And my parents agreed that they’d pay half of my rent for a year, so any money that Kori earned she could save up so that she could eventually move out if things went well. We set Kori up with another local employment specialist, and I made sure that she met with them regularly and was applying for jobs. Sometimes I basically had to force her to. Eventually I made a rule that she had to apply for at least 3 jobs in a week before she was allowed to use her video games. I’ve got nothing against video games, but if you let her it would be all she would do. I caught her lying to me about that once, so I had to make her physically show me the completed applications in order to get her console out of my office. It was harder to keep her off her phone, but I tried my best. The gap in employment was probably starting to hurt her, but she still landed a few interviews. I honestly had to help her get dressed for them, because she seemed like she cared so little. She’d borrow my car to go, and she’d come home and just say that they went fine, and they never seemed to go anywhere after that. Finally, I think she came up with what she thought was a pretty good way to get us all off of her back. I think she saw on Facebook that someone was doing one of those multi-level marketing schemes selling cosmetics or something, and had the idea that she could get into that and say that she had a job. I told her in no uncertain terms that it was a terrible idea (especially for someone with no work ethic), but she had just enough money still from her last job to buy into it, so I couldn’t really stop her from doing it. And sure enough, while she claimed she had a job, I literally don’t think she ever made a sale, or even made any posts to make one. At this point, I was really frustrated with Kori. She’d been with me for like 8 months, and while she was sort of my roommate, I felt more like her babysitter, and I think she kind of felt the same way. She didn’t cook anything, she didn’t really clean up, and she was always kind of annoyed with me. Now that she had “a job,” I kind of gave up a little bit, figuring it was best not to waste my energy worrying about a problem that she didn’t even want to fix. I tried to at least come up with some sort of scheme to get her to do some chores, but she seemed fine with losing some privileges to not have to do any work, which was pretty much expected at that point. What really broke me, though, came a couple months later. I was working one day and she was playing video games in her room, like usual. I got suspicious when she started putting her bedsheets into the wash, which was something she never did, and especially not when she’d been up for a couple of hours already. I asked her about it, and she was clearly hiding something, so walked over and took a closer look. It turned out that balled up with her sheets was her underwear and her sweatpants, and they were wet with pee! I pushed her to find out what happened, and she said that she’d been playing a game online that she couldn’t pause or she would let other people down, and she’d had an accident. I was shocked! First of all, when did she ever care about letting other people down? And second, she was so lazy that she had peed herself? I called my parents and I was just so mad. Finally, I told them and Kori that if that ever happened again Kori was in for major consequences. I was not having her ruin my guest bed because she was too into her video games to get up! Of course, I assumed it would never come to that, because I was dealing with an adult. And for a while it seemed like I was right. But then, I don’t know, maybe a month or two later, it happened again! I was honestly just as shocked, but I did have a clear plan. Before her sheets were even clean, I went out to the store and came home with the biggest pack of adult diapers I could find. I was going to knock this out of her for once and for all! And so I told Kori that if she was going to be so lazy that she would pee her pants like a baby, then for the next two weeks she’d be wearing diapers and then we could see if she was ready for a little more responsibility. I think she could tell how mad I was, so she didn’t really struggle too much when I put the first one on her. And just like that, suddenly I had my sister in diapers. What do you remember about when Kori actually messed? So, the thing is, I still never expected that she would ever be in a messy diaper. Once she was in the first diaper, I sort of kept yelling at her for a little bit. I told her how I had already shared my plan with mom and dad and how they’d totally agreed that if she had peed herself again because she was too lazy to quit playing video games, that she totally deserved this punishment. We were all so sick of it. She’d been freeloading off of us for two years now, and not only that, now she was so lazy that she couldn’t even go to the bathroom? So I was yelling at her because I really was mad at her, but also because I was hoping maybe I could finally shame some sense into her. And she did seem pretty upset. So once I was finally done, I just sort of tailed off and told her to come find me when she needed a change, and then I finally went back to work. Then the real shock came. About 45 minutes later, I was just finally getting back into my focus for work and then she came into my office. That basically never happened, so I knew something was up. When I turned around I could see that her face was really red too, so I suspected that she’d already wet herself, which was kind of amazing, since she’d only been in the diaper for about an hour. But, she’d shown that she would choose to wet her pants rather than quit her video game, so I wasn’t too surprised that she wasn’t as embarrassed as she should have been about using her diapers. “What?” I asked. My theory was that this should be as embarrassing as possible if it was going to work at all, so I wanted her to have to ask me for a change. “I need a change,” she said. “Did you really pee that much already?” I asked. “These can hold a lot more than your undies could.” She was squirming now, like I’d intended. “I…I didn’t just pee.” “Oh my God, are you kidding me, Kori?” I said. “Get over here!” She gingerly trudged over from the door to my desk, and as she got closer to me, I could smell that she wasn’t lying. It was foul! Once she got there, I spun her around, and even though I didn’t really have to, I pressed against her stinky butt to confirm, which caused her to visibly recoil and groan with discomfort. At this point, I was sort of in shock. I wanted to portray authority, but at the same time I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t have any plan for how to react the way I had when she had wet herself earlier. After a minute, I finally just said what was on my mind. “I can’t believe you pooped yourself! You’re even more pathetic than I thought!” She was like “What do you mean, Anna? You said I had to wear diapers for two weeks and come to you when I needed a change!” “I didn’t mean for pooping!” “How was I supposed to know that?” “You didn’t even ask? You just thought, ‘ok,’ and then you pooped yourself? You didn’t even complain when you thought I was making that the rule! Maybe you thought that was what the rules should be for you?” “Anna, I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” “No, I think you’ve proven already that you should be using your diapers for everything.” I’d already made up my mind that if she was so lazy that she was going to mess herself without even fighting me or fighting to hold it for more than 45 minutes, then she didn’t deserve any better. “Anna, I –“ “No, Kori, I think you’re in enough trouble already. You amaze me with your laziness every single day. Now I need to think for a minute, because clearly my punishment didn’t bother you that much, so I’m going to need to come up with more.” “No!” “Enough!” I said, getting out of my chair and grabbing Kori by the wrist. I pulled her into an empty corner of my office. “Stand here, and don’t you dare move before I come get you! If you do, you won’t want to know what you’ll get!” I hoped I sounded confident, because I didn’t have a plan yet. I grabbed my computer from my desk and went out to the kitchen. I could still see into my office where Kori was in the corner, but this way I didn’t have to smell her. I sent my boss a quick note that I had a family thing and would need the rest of the afternoon off, and then I went into brainstorming mode to try to figure out what I could possibly do to try to break her laziness, or at least to make it so that if she didn’t stop being so lazy should wouldn’t be able to live the good life while the rest of us took care of all the actual work. Obviously, you know where this is headed. The first decision that I made was that if she was going to be messing her diapers, she might need something a little better than what I got her at the pharmacy. So I googled adult diapers, and the options out there that were targeted at adult babies were totally eye-opening, and once you see those you can really quickly find a lot of other things. I moved a little further away from my office so that Kori couldn’t really hear me and called up my parents and told them what had happened and what I was thinking. They totally got what I was saying, and thought that my plan was a reasonable consequence for her actions and presented a reasonable way for her to either earn some trust back through some real effort or else a way to keep her from resting on her laurels. So we reached an agreement where I would start paying my full mortgage again, but they would help me make changes to Kori’s room and would pay for diapers, clothes, food, and other supplies for as long as Kori needed them. So now all that was left to do was to tell Kori and to get started. You make that sound simple! How did Kori react to everything? Haha, yeah. The best thing that I had going for me was her diaper. It had probably been at least an hour and a half that she’d been standing in the corner, and by the time I got back in there, you could see she was squirming quite a bit. The whole office smelled pretty horrendous. When I walked in, I was much more confident than when I left, because I knew what my role was going to be and what I had to do to take charge. And even though I knew she wasn’t going to like it, her reaction to being put into diapers had me pretty sure that the fight back would be way less than I would have otherwise expected. She heard me and pretty much immediately turned around when I entered, which I’d expected. And, as planned, I asserted myself immediately. “Did I say you could turn around? Do you want to start again?” I asked. And she was like, “No, Anna, please!” Then I said, “Alright, I’ll let you off the hook this once, but you are going to have to do a much better job of following instructions, ok?” She said something like “I’ll do whatever you say, I promise.” “Good girl,” I said. I could see she caught what I called her, but I kept going. “Start by coming right over here while I explain the rest of your punishment.” I sat back in my office chair and patted my knee. I don’t think she liked that idea, but she could tell that she had better not test me right away, so she walked over. As slowly, and as lightly as possible, she started to ease herself onto my lap. I grabbed her hips and sped that process up for her. She scrunched up her face in disgust as the poop smushed against her butt. “Oh, does that not feel good?” I said in a mocking coo. “Well, if you really don’t like it and you actually don’t want to poop and pee your pants all the time, which it kind of seems like you do based on your recent actions, then you’d better listen closely to the rules and then you’d better work harder to follow them then you’ve ever worked at anything, got it? And you had better thank me, mom, and dad that you even have a chance, because all of us agree that you don’t deserve much of anything from us with how much you’ve been mooching off of us.” “Thank you! I’ll be good!” she practically begged. “We’ll see about that,” I said. “Now, are you ready for the rules? “Can you change me first?” she squeaked out. She sounded so timid that I knew I was going to have no real fight from her. At least not today. It seemed important not to be lenient in the slightest, especially this early, so I wasn’t. “No,” I said, “I think you’ll do a better job listening to me if you know that you’ll only get out of your poopy diaper once I’m satisfied that you are crystal clear about what the rules are.” “Now, I want you to remember that this punishment is because of how lazy you have been for the last two years. You were too lazy to get a job, so you just let me and mom and dad support you all the time like you were a kid, not a college graduate. And you were too lazy to stop playing video games, so you peed on yourself like you were a three-year old or something. And then you were too lazy to even ask if you could poop on the toilet when I put you in diapers, like you were just a baby who needed them.” She started to open her mouth to complain or respond, but I stopped her. “Shush, I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you to answer me.” She stopped in her tracks. She’d never seen this side of me before, and really, neither had I, but I was liking it. “When you pooped your pants earlier, it made me realize that we have not been being fair to you all this time. We’ve been trying to get you to get a job and make money so that you can move out on your own, but you weren’t ready for that responsibility. You weren’t ready for the responsibility of doing even basic chores around the house. And, it seems you weren’t even ready to be trusted to stop what you were doing long enough to make it to the toilet.” “So, from now on, we’re only going to give you the level of responsibility that you have shown you can handle. And since you can’t handle the responsibility of going to the toilet right now, you’re going to start with no responsibilities at all.” Kori looked confused now, but I knew that continuing would take care of that. “For at least the next three months, you’ll be treated exactly like a baby. I’ll explain exactly what that means in a minute, but what you need to know right this second is that in order to prove that you’ve gotten over your laziness and you deserve another chance, you’ll need to convince me at all times that you’re just a perfectly behaved, happy, active little baby girl. Your only responsibility will be to play with the toys and do the activities I set up for you so enthusiastically that you’re visibly worn out by the end of the day from how much energy you’ve expended.” “If you do that successfully, we’ll add in the responsibility to go to the potty again. And if you master that, then we’ll replace some of your playtime with chores. Assuming that you start to take that initiative too, then we can start to get you looking for a job again and eventually you will have earned the independence to not have to keep me satisfied with your work ethic any more.” “Now, I’m about to explain the rules that you’ll live by for the next three months as a baby, but first, I need to hear you explain to me what your punishment is and what you have to do in order to earn your place back.” Kori had been looking on in horror, which I assume was at the news that she would live as a baby, but given that she already knew she’d be in diapers, maybe it was at the idea of having to work in order to get out of them. Now that I put her on the spot, she started blushing. “Umm…I have to be a…to be a baby…and I have to work really hard to convince you that I really am a baby in order to get to have more responsibility.” “And why do you have to be a baby?” I asked her. I was still going for maximum embarrassment. “Because I’ve been lazy and I haven’t tried hard enough to have any responsibilities.” “Good. You at least sound like you know what you’ve done, which is a start.” “Now, let’s get into the rules. You’ll start following these immediately. We’ll need to get you some things, obviously, but mom and dad are already ordering them and, in the meantime, you’ll do your best to follow whatever modifications I say. Got it?” Kori just nodded. “Obviously, the first thing to know about being a baby is diapers. All babies wear and use diapers, and until you earn the right to try to be a big girl again, so do you. You don’t really seem to mind wearing diapers all that much, but if I ever catch you trying to take your diaper off, change your diaper, or sneak off to the potty, then your good behavior time will automatically go back to the beginning and it will double. So right now that would mean six months that you’d have to convince me every single day that you were the most active baby in the world, instead of the 3 it is now. Understood?” She sort of sighed back, “Yes, I know. I won’t mess with them.” “And that brings us to talking. Babies don’t really talk much, do they? So you will only speak if I directly ask you a question. And if I do, you will only say ‘yes, mummy,’ or ‘no, mummy,’ in a nice, high-pitched little girl’s voice. Let’s practice, shall we? Babies don’t talk much, do they, Baby Kori?” “No,” Kori answered, but if it was higher pitched it was only barely so. “That’s not good enough at all. That sounded like it came from a big girl, and if I hear that again then you can forget about today counting towards your good behavior. Let’s start again. Besides, did you already forget that polite little girls always say mummy when their mummies ask them a question?” She had already been red before, but her face really flushed then. I had suspected that she’d been hoping to avoid calling me mummy, and her reaction seemed to confirm it. Still, my threat had motivated her, and in a much more ridiculous voice she choked out, “No…Mummy.” “That’s better! Maybe someone does want to get out of diapers after all! But, of course, good babies never complain or say anything about their diapers at all, do they? Just ‘yes, mummy,’ and no, mummy.’ Isn’t that right, Baby Kori?” I saw her recognition that I’d just added a rule (and one she could tell she wouldn’t like). But she knew better by now than to fail to respond. “Yes, mummy,” she squeaked. “Soon we’ll get you a pacifier too. That should help you remember to be quiet. Once that is in your mouth, it only comes out when I take it out. Do you understand?” “Yes,” she said, far too normally for me to let slide. “Well, I guess today won’t be counting for your three months if you are going to keep talking like a big girl. We can start again tomorrow with your count. You haven’t earned it by trying hard enough to act like a baby today, isn’t that right, Baby Kori? “Yes, mummy,” she said, catching on once more. I was quite enjoying making her confess her shortcomings, and especially in this new baby talk. “Let’s see, what else?” I continued. “Oh, of course, playing! Most of the time, when you are playing there aren’t really major rules for how you play with a toy. You will just need to show me that you are really engaged with them. Just sitting and holding a doll won’t be enough. If you have two dolls, I expect you to be making them play together. You still can’t use big girl words unless I speak to you, but I should be hearing little squeaks and squeals of you pretending they are talking to each other. And unless I specifically direct you to an activity where you need to be standing, I expect you to play either sitting down on your bum or crawling around. Is that understood? “Yes, mummy,” she said, not dropping character this time. “Good girl! If you do this right I think you’ll actually come to love your toys!” Kori gave me a skeptical look. Frankly, I was also skeptical, but if she was going to actually succeed, she’d be wise to try to convince me that she actually had grown to love them. “Other than that, there aren’t too many rules that you need to worry about following because I’ll make sure that you do. You’ll have lots of pretty baby clothes, but I’ll be the one dressing you so you won’t need to worry about that. You’ll have to eat baby food and drink bottles, but I’ll be the one making your food and feeding it to you so you won’t need to worry about that either. You’ll have a behavior chart in your room that we will check on every night, but I’ll be in charge of updating that, so you won’t need to worry about it. And you’ll have a bed time and a nap time, but you should be so tired that your only worry will be whether or not you fall asleep on your own before then. Any questions?” Kori’s face had really screwed up at the mention of the baby food, but I’d made it clear that I wasn’t making room for negotiation, so she dutifully squeaked “no, mummy.” “Good girl,” I said. “Would Baby Kori like me to change her poopy diapy now?” I bounced her on my knee in case she needed any reminder of the state of her bum. “Yes, Mummy!” Kori couldn’t hide her desperation, even if answering that way left her blushing after she said it. What was the change like? Yeah, so I took her back to her room. Actually, I made her crawl back to her room. It wasn’t really that far, and I don’t always make her do that even now, but I was trying to emphasize “baby” as much as I could early on, especially since I didn’t have many supplies yet. When I got there, I didn’t have a changing mat yet, so I just had to grab an old towel and have her lay on her back on the floor. I gathered up the wipes, powder, and another diaper and then came over and knelt down to do the job. Even though Kori had just been on my lap in the diaper for the last 20 minutes, I don’t think I was quite ready for the moment when I opened the diaper. The smell wasn’t too much worse than it had been, but my god was she filthy. These days I am actually used to worse because everything is much mushier from all the baby food and dairy, but back then I was shocked to see that the logs of poop had all smeared into a brick that filled her crotch and her crack, with some of it starting to get dried onto her skin. I remember that after I took it all in I couldn’t really help myself, so I said “You’re a filthy, stinky little girl, aren’t you, Baby Kori?” She skipped a beat, but eventually she choked out a “Yes, Mummy.” It wasn’t really loud enough to allow her to get high-pitched, but I could tell she had tried so I let it slide. From there, I just grabbed her two ankles and lifted her up and got to work. It’s pretty invasive to have someone wipe your butt, but she didn’t flinch at all. She just laid back and took it. I guess maybe she was just that desperate to be clean, but it was another time where she seemed to accept things with less fight than anticipated. So I’d say five minutes later and she was into diaper number two of what she now knew was going to be at least three months’ worth. Does anything else stand out? I mean I know I already said this, but it’s so obvious looking back now that she’d still be in diapers years later. She just was so not worried about going back into diapers, and even being told she was a baby just didn’t cause the fight back you’d expect to see in other people. And sure enough, she mostly behaves herself. She’s more or less accepted the rules since day one. She’ll throw a tantrum sometimes when I point out to her that she hasn’t tried nearly hard enough and that she’s going to have to start over, but I just put her to bed early or something and the next morning she always gives much better effort. Her problem is that she can never string that effort together. I don’t think she’s ever even made it a month and a half or so, not to mention three. (And she owes me six now, but that’s a different story!) I expected her to be too lazy to get out of diapers, I just expected her to be more upset about it. But me and my parents were right – she really is too lazy for any responsibility and being a baby is just right for her.

Chapter Three Kione approached the building with a huff. The wooden door was bigger than a normal door; maybe to make her feel smaller? That seemed like a lot of effort for something so trivial. Then again, she did feel very small compared to the Matrons. She looked over her shoulder to ensure nobody was watching, and then stepped up to the door. The doorknob was almost up to Kione's collarbone, but it opened with a click. She stepped inside the small building, which was mostly empty but for a few tables and chairs. The layout didn't look like a classroom though; the tables were far apart and each had two chairs on opposite sides. The wooden floor felt cold and hard on her bare feet; it certainly felt real. Notably, there was no other door. And even more notably, there was no Matron. "Where could she have gone...?" Kione mused to herself. Just then, the door closed behind her and the Matron with the long braid approached her. "Ahh, is something troubling you, little Candy?" That word again. Kione knew it meant something, but she still couldn't put her finger on it. "I want to go home, I don't belong here; you made a mistake." Kione asserted, her chest buzzing with adrenaline. It felt like a very ‘fight or flight’ kind of moment. "I made a mistake, little Candy? But it wasn't my will or decision to bring you here. Your destiny is much greater." "What does that mean?!" Kione was getting worked up, and the Matron could tell. With the wave of her hand, she motioned to one of the tables. "Take a seat. You're new here, so I'll explain the Chapel to you. Though undoubtably the other Candies would do so." Kione sighed and walked over to the table. If she wanted answers, she was going to have to play things their way. She took a seat and the Matron took a seat across from her. Sitting down, she seemed a lot less daunting. It actually put Kione at ease. "This room is for you to discuss the things you've done wrong, and gain absolution from the Matrons," the Matron said simply. "That way, you may be accepted into the Ever After." "I haven't done anything wrong," Kione said flatly. "You're the ones that won't let me leave." "If you have nothing to disclose, you have no purpose in the Chapel," the Matron said plainly. She stood up and motioned to the door. How far would willfulness get Kione? If she stayed at that table, would the Matron throw her out? Could she fight the Matron? One huge middle-aged white woman against a black girl that's light on her toes? Kione wasn't a fighter, but she might have taken that bet if her legs weren't so sore and her feet didn't hurt so badly. So with an irritated scoff, she got off the chair and headed out of the Chapel. Most of the children were gone, but surprisingly four were waiting for her, all dressed in a different color. "Oh, you were right Robin," said a girl dressed in green, with matching ribbons in her hair and braces on her teeth. "She does look brave." "I told you, Callie," Robin replied, wearing red as always. A person in blue, and a boy in yellow, rounded out the quartet, but neither of them spoke. "Can I help you?" Kione asked, in a cross between annoyance and her new-client-who-needs-hand-holding voice. They didn't mix very well, and it showed Kione's emotional state very plainly. She wasn't having a good day. "You can help one of us," the boy in yellow offered, an uncertain look on his face. "I'm Casa." Kione looked from the blue kid to Casa to Robin to Callie. They were team leaders; that much was obvious. She would help one of them and not the other three. But which one was she helping? "So how do I get picked for a team?" Kione asked. "Is that what the Joining is?" If she was good at anything, it was inferences. "Yes, that's what the Joining is," Callie confirmed, but Robin did the introductions: "I'm Robin. This is Callie. Zee is the one in blue. And that's Casa in yellow." "Ahem?" The boy in yellow cleared his throat expectantly and both girls groaned. "Alright, alright! Sheesh." Robin rubbed the bridge of her nose and tried again. "This is Casa, the Braveheart." Clearly this was another game Kione didn't understand, but she went along with it all the same. "So, do I pick my own team? Or do you pick me?" "Nation," Casa corrected her. "Not team." "One of us will pick you," Zee said, finally pulling their thumb out from between their lips. "Umm... you're prolly notta Blueberry tho." "What? Why not?" Kione asked. "Too big," Zee answered. Too big? Kione thought. Big, like size? Or big like grown up? After all, it was Zee who was sucking their thumb. With unprecedented resignation, Kione finally sat down on the grass right there in front of the four nation leaders. Her legs were shaking from the stress and her brain was fried from all the new information. An invisible dinner, a giant caretaker that didn’t make any sense, and four oversized children dressed like a box of crayons. Kione was well and truly done. The leaders exchanged looks. Casa shrugged his shoulders and whispered, maybe so that Kione couldn't hear, though she could: "I like that other girl more." Kione groaned and covered her face with her arms. Casa started back down the hill and Zee hurried after him. Robin crossed her arms over her chest and Callie stepped forward to stand over Kione. "You wanna come play?" she asked. "No," Kione said with a sigh of exhaustion. "I want to lie right here until I can think of a way out." As far as Kione could tell, the team that picked her didn't matter. It was arbitrary, like Hogwarts houses. Categories for the sake of categories, maybe for a sense of belonging? But Kione didn't want to belong - she wanted to be anywhere else. "You should come play," Callie repeated, a little more assertively, before standing over top of Kione and then sitting down on her tummy. Kione was surprised, though not by Callie’s weight. Rather, Kione's brain couldn't parse the unusual crinkling coming from under Callie’s dress. It rang with uncharacteristic familiarity in Kione's ears. "Don't put so much energy into that sour puss, Callie," Robin scoffed. "I'm going to play before the Joining." Robin turned and headed down the hill, but Callie stayed where she was on top of Kione. Green was a good color on her, and her smile seemed genuine. Maybe that was what softened Kione's resolve, or maybe it was Callie's next words. "I know it's weird at first, but give us a chance. You can be so happy here, if you just let yourself." "I was happy before," Kione said forlornly. "Were you?" Callie asked. "How many hours did you work? How much time did you get to play? How many friends did you even have left, after you grew up out of high school?" "I was doing what I wanted to do," Kione answered. "I was helping people. Responsibility isn't just for making money and persisting. It can fulfill you, if you find the right kind of it." Callie nodded in understanding, though it wasn't clear that she understood at all. Then she said, "Well why not help the people here? We can't get to the Ever After until we're the best we can be. You could have a purpose here." Kione hadn't thought of that. These people... they weren't in their right minds. Weird regression cults weren't Kione's expertise, but regression was just a coping mechanism. This place taught them that it was the way to resolve their problems. But coping mechanisms weren't solutions; they were the things that let you stay alive long enough to find solutions. "And..." Callie added with a bright little smile that seemed to make her entire verdant form glow, "if you find your own way to the Ever After, isn't that all the better?" In her excitement, Callie shifted left and right on top of Kione’s stomach and the crinkling echoed across the empty hilltop. "Callie..." Kione, realizing the two of them were alone, forced herself to ask an uncomfortable question, one to which she already knew the answer: "Are you wearing a diaper?" "Ah... yeah, well..." Callie blushed a little and rubbed the side of her head. Clearly it was a point of embarrassment, but not enough to lie about it. "Truth is, I'd rather have fun and play and not miss out on stuff. Potty stuff takes forever." "I see..." Kione understood what she meant. Using the toilet wasn't really all that time consuming, but to a kid having fun it was the most inconvenient thing in the world. That's all Callie was now, and Kione had to think of her in terms of that. "Well, if it makes you happy, then good for you." "It'll make you happy too," Callie said happily. If that was what it took for Callie to feel okay with her decisions, then Kione wasn't anyone to argue. "Maybe I'll be a... green?" Kione offered. "A Slytherin?" "Ew, no." Callie held her nose. "Limes aren't evil and we don't like snakes or transphobes. We're curious! I think maybe you'll be good Lime material." "Lime?" Kione asked. "Why not... Apple? Or Watermelon?" "Cause Limes are the best!" Kione shrugged and sat up. Callie was still on her lap, and it made for a weird romcom scenario, if maybe one party wasn't in a diaper and dressed like a first grader. Kione was about to thank Callie for her kindness when the clatter of the door opened behind her. But when Kione looked up, expecting to see a Matron, she saw a young girl with blonde hair and white clothes very similar to her own. "You're back!" Callie shouted, climbing up off Kione. The girl in white tilted her head in confusion. "Back? I was only gone a few minutes..." But as the new girl's eyes scanned Callie, then the playground below, she seemed to become less certain. "Hey, uh..." Kione got to her feet and brushed off her white pants. "I'm Kione. Are you, uh… new?" "I guess so," The blonde-haired girl answered, uncertainty in her eyes. "I was just here, and… I don't know you..." Kione knew that feeling. What had Callie said? Do her best to help the people here, right? Find her Ever After or whatever? "Well, I got here just before food..." Kione said. "Food?" the girl asked. "No... there was no food." "It's... it's complicated." Kione decided not to go into the elaborate and obviously insane explanation of how food appeared through imagination. Instead, she focused on something else: this girl definitely wasn't here for dinner. "Maybe you were here for lunch, and we just missed each other? What's your name, if you don't mind me asking?" "Ellie," the blonde girl answered. Now they were getting somewhere! "I'm Kione," she repeated, "and I guess you and Callie know each other?" "Uh huh, she showed up yesterday," Callie answered. "She's another Newborn, who still—" "Yesterday?" Ellie asked, alarm in her voice. "No, I got here today." "Potty breaks take forever," Callie repeated, though she said it to Ellie this time. For Kione, the pieces started falling into place. "Potty breaks take... a day?" Kione asked, full of confusion. "That makes absolutely no sense. They take like five minutes." "Nuhuh. You go potty and you disappear and come back the next day... usually about the same time like... mostly. I think. I can't read time and there aren't any clocks but mostly the same I think." "There is no way using the bathroom takes 24 hours..." Kione scoffed in disbelief. Ellie looked even more confused. "I was just here... I don't..." It sounded like Ellie didn't remember anything. Did they put her to sleep or something? But before Kione could think too much on it, Callie interrupted her thoughts. "It's getting late; there's not much time left to play." Sure enough, the sun had moved across the sky, a floating circle that didn’t hurt Kione’s eyes. Whether or not it was real, Kione still couldn't tell. Either way, it would be dark in an hour or two. On their way down the hill, Kione had the presence of mind to ask Ellie: "What does this place look like to you? Are the colors vibrant, like a pop filter was put over everything? Do you see the sky, or do you see a ceiling?" "I see the sky," Ellie mumbled, "but I guess the colors look a little glossy. Does it look different to you? I thought things always looked the same for everyone." "It does, I... sometimes I see things differently. Sometimes I look at the grass and it looks like plastic." Ellie shook her head and Kione sighed. She thought maybe she had figured something out: maybe new people hadn't been fully caught up in the fantasy of this place. That would mean her hallucinations weren't real - they were a product of the Kindergarten. But now... now Kione didn't know what to believe. Instead of lingering on uncertainty, she decided to push forth with a new question. "You came out of the Chapel, right? But I didn't see you in there. So there must be a secret door or something. Do you remember anything about it?" "No, I just… I needed to go to the bathroom. And I was holding it, trying to figure it out, and then I asked a Matron..." Ellie sounded like she was trying to piece it together, however unsuccessful her attempts might have been, "and then I was coming out of that building, and I don't need to go anymore..." Another dead end. But not all hope was lost: at least Kione was sure where the exit was. "Don't worry, Ellie," Kione soothed, "I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to get us out of here, okay? Don't worry." But despite Kione’s reassurances, Ellie looked like she was worrying quite a bit.

T-bars & Saddle shoes.

Like someone else said, trial and error. For me it's now easy as I've been wearing"girls" clothes for a long time. Shopping is even easier as no would guess that a middle age guy would be shopping for himself in the girls dept and returns are easy-peasy. While I'm lucky enough to be able to wear off the rack from the girls dept there are still some things that don't fit. Look for stretch fabrics and loose fitting sleeves. If it's a dress be sure the waist has stretch and remember your torso (like mine) is longer than the average tween girl and the clothes are designed as such. Skirts and tops are sometimes a better option. I've become addicted to leggings and Walmart and Target have some of the cutest prints... Here is a pair with Pampers Cruisers...

I shop Target, Walmart and JCP mostly. Found some real cute stuff. I shop the girls dept. Here are some of my finds...

_________________________ Chapter 27 Rebecca was drying Jamie off after a bath, his second in less than half a day. She was being especially attentive. “Mom, can we have a boring day today?” “Heh. Yeah, sweetie, we can do that. Just wanna stay home?” “If we could, yes.” “Sure.” She carried him back into his room and set him on the changing table. She bent down and picked up the bunny outfit he’d discarded after Marsha had left yesterday. “Wanna wear this again,” she said with an earnest smile. “It’s ridiculous how cute you were in it.” “Maybe we should save it for special occasions. Like whenever I punch a 6-year-old in the face.” She folded it and put it away, then approached the changing table. Jamie laid back. “You feel bad about that?” She started getting Jamie into a new diaper. “More and more. It hurt bad enough to justify it at the time, but now that it doesn’t hurt I feel, I don’t know, at least sorry I did it.” She had his ankles up in the air and was applying cream to his butt. “Well, that’s because you’re a good person. Really. Not everyone, maybe not even most, would feel sorry for what they had to do to get out of that situation.” “Still…” “Still, his eye will get better a lot faster than your spine would have if he hurt you back there, which he was going to even if he didn’t mean to.” She got the diaper fastened and put Jamie on his feet. “You’re a little pink back there still. You need to get some air on there today. This afternoon.” Jamie blushed. “I … okay.” “Hey, Mom, when you get a sec can you come find me?” Amanda appeared in the doorway briefly and walked away. Not like her. Becky put a shirt on Jamie. “Why don’t you just hang in this for now? Need anything?” “No, I’m fine for right now.” Becky found Amanda upstairs in her mom’s room with the TV playing quietly. “Do we tell him?” She gestured at the screen. “Is that …” “National TV. And social media.” “Did they use his name?” “No. Mine neither, and everyone’s face is blurred out.” “Why is it on national TV?” “They deported that family last night. Turns out those bigs are important back in Ros.” “How important?” “Important enough that Ros is threatening to expel Itali businessmen living in Ros.” “Shit!” “The media won’t use names or show faces. Against the law since it involved a little.” “Still …” “Think we need to be worried about this?” “What else do they say about Jamie?” “Nothing. Just that a big child tried to carry him away, and the little punched him, and then his dad flew off the handle and his wanted Jamie punished in some way. ‘Injured’ is the word the news is using. ‘Injured’ in some way.” “They don’t mention he’s not regressed?” “I don’t think they know.” “Where did they even get the video?” “Woman who took it posted it on social media, and a local station picked it up; then when Ros threw their temper tantrum, I guess the local station reached out to the national.” “Did Ros say anything about Jamie?” “Not him specifically. About littles who hit bigs, they said it in diplomatic language. Why aren’t they barred from coming here?” “Money, probably. Usually the reason.” Amanda shook her head with disgust. People from a country that tortures littles allowed to come to Itali, and why? Cheap labor, cheap goods, cheap commodities? Who knew? “What if they want to do something to Jamie? Like, let the business people back in if Jamie is punished?” Becky sat down next to Amanda and put her arm around her. “Won’t ever happen, baby. Ever. It’s just people who think they’re tough trying to prove it.” “Do we tell Jamie?” “No, I don’t think so.” “And if he finds out on his own?” Becky hadn’t thought of that. He well may. “Maybe we tell him and make it sort of a joke, so he doesn’t get worried.” “He’s smart, Mom. Or did you not notice how perfectly he manipulated Marsha? He’ll decide for himself whether to be worried.” ______________________________________________________________________________ Jamie wasn’t worried. He knew if necessary the agency would get him out of the dimension, but more to the point, he doubted anything would come of any of it. Chest thumping politicians. Jamie didn’t know anything about Itali politics or who was even president, if they had a president, but he knew people. Politicians don’t back down when threatened by anyone except donors and 50%+1 voters, and the opposite was equally true. People clapping for him when he left the park made it plain that Italis wouldn’t accept any kind of quid pro quo that involved himself. The next day at daycare, Jamie found Ella had beat him there and was already sitting with her sketch pad. “Hey, Mr. International Incident,” she whispered. It freaked Jamie out that she knew. “How could you tell?” “I recognized your shoes.” “Well, please keep it to yourself.” “Don’t worry. I keep bigger secrets than this.” I know, Jamie thought. He leaned over to look at her drawing. “You’re drawing that again?” “Yeah.” “The one before looked perfect.” “They all look perfect. Want me to teach you?” Ella spent the next few hours teaching Jamie the basics of drawing, starting with basic shapes, lines, and how to create the illusion of depth. After three hours, Jamie had managed to draw a sphere. Just the one. “I wish I had learned to do this as a kid. I never could do anything creative.” “Everybody can do something.” “Well, that’s not true. But point taken. I guess I mean visual art. Or performing art. A talent you can show people and be proud of.” “Back there I’d probably be a graphic designer or technical illustrator.” “That wasn’t your goal?” “Hell, no! I wanted to be an artist, the kind that actually makes a living doing it. I’d probably have ended up the kind of artist who makes a living as a designer and who maybe has a booth at local fairs.” “So what did you do, before you came here?” “I was a student.” “You came here as a student, still in college?” “Yep. Want to work on the next step of learning to draw?” “Sure.” “Draw another four hundred spheres.” “What if I want to be a cubist?” That got a laugh out of Ella, a good one. She liked that Jamie was clever and could make her laugh. She didn’t seem the type to casually laugh. “You know art styles?” “A little. I’ve read books. Ya know, typical art history survey books. Hardly anything about any artist still alive.” “Probably read the same books.” “You ever get to see any of the things you read about? I never did. Never got to travel really.” Ella’s face took on a contemplative visage, and she looked away, remembering. “Once. ‘Travel makes men wiser, but less happy.’” “What?” “Thomas Jefferson said that.” Jamie wasn’t sure what she meant or why she’d quote that. “So … where did you go, the once?” She slid her sketchbook toward him in response. “There.” “Just there, or like, the whole city.” “The city.” “So …” She cut him off. “Saw all of the big museums there. Antiquity to the 21st century. Mostly classical period, renaissance, and baroque … funny, in that city nothing really took hold after that. Sort of frozen, like it just ended there.” Jamie was getting a little tired of her being cryptic. He was sure she didn’t meant to be, but she was. He tried an almost direct approach. “I’m surprised an agency accepted you when you were still in college.” She set her pencil down. “Why are you here, Jamie?” “I told you already.” “No, you told me why you to therapy.” “Same difference,” Jamie tried to beg off. Why don’t you just say ‘no,’ Jamie wondered. But he didn’t say it. “No, they are not.” “Lunchtime!” Jordan announced. “We’ll talk about it after nap time.” ______________________________________________________________________________ They went outside afterward and walked to the back of the field where they’d have some privacy. Ella led the way, walking faster than she usually did. “Why do you want to know,” he asked. “Because you do. You’ve been hinting at since the day after we met.” “I’m just … curious. You’ve been, kinda dangling it there, hinting at plenty of stuff yourself.” “Well, I’m not a mystery to be solved. If you want to ask, ask and I’ll decided whether to answer.” “Same.” Jamie wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so short tempered. So she hadn’t been doing it deliberately, but she was still leaving clues in every third sentence. Why would she unless on some unconscious level she wanted to talk about it? “So, I’m asking,” she said. Jamie sat down on the grass and Ella sat next to him. He told her his whole story, birth through the day he left. All of it. The hurt he suffered, the abuse, the anger, the grief, the hate he couldn’t not feel toward the people who hurt his kids, his inability to be a part of it anymore or worse, a bystander. “Well,” he asked when he was finished. “Will you tell me now?” Ella opened her sketchbook and thumbed through it to a random page, setting in front of Jamie without even looking at it. Same drawing, again. Jamie picked it up. “I don’t …” he started to say. “That’s the last thing I remember. Me and a friend, went to go see it together. That’s the last thing I remember from home.” She waited for him to say something, and she saw he didn’t understand, or at least didn’t yet. “I’m a rescue, Jamie.” Jamie hadn’t heard the term, but by context he could guess. “You …” “Were kidnapped. A few hours after being there. And when I woke up …” She turned away and moved her hair again, revealing the scar. She let hair fall and turned both arms upward, revealing faint scars on the inside of her elbows. She pulled her long dress up, showing the same on the backs of her ankles. She pulled her dress up further, showing her scars on her knees. “I can’t show you the others dressed … They didn’t want a little who could walk or sit up or move much. The rest they did with drugs.” “Bigs in …” “Humans. Kidnap and smuggle littles to the dimension, into countries agencies don’t work with and other countries won’t send littles to … I’ve been gone almost 12 years.” Jamie couldn’t guess what she was feeling. Her body language, her voice, her expression, all like she wasn’t on that field with him. He didn’t say anything, letting her decide on her own whether to keep going. “Best I can guess, I went out to get a drink after, and someone dosed it. I don’t know if my friend was with me or what happened to her … I just remember standing outside the place, and I started to draw it while we were waiting in line … and then we went in. That’s it. That’s where it stops… Then I woke up in this dimension. I only found out later I was in Aidu … Woke up, complete agony … No pills. And I couldn’t move, not for a year at least. And then just my arms. Not enough to hold anything heavy or pull myself up … They pumped me full of drugs that kept me from speaking, and when they wore off and I tried to say something they’d just hit me. Eventually they didn’t need the drugs anymore ... and almost all the time, they’re smiling at me, cooing at me, baby talking like they love me, like they did me a favor, like I’m supposed to enjoy this life, come to terms with it and realize it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to me ... like that’s how the story ends, everyone happy and loving each other, not in spite of what they did but because of it ... I don’t even know what you call that sickness.” “How did you escape,” Jamie asked just above a whisper. “I didn’t. A rescue group rescued me.” “And you’re afraid if they find you they’ll try to take you back?” She let out a laugh with no humor in it. “No. We’re disposable to them. Probably cried for an hour that their ‘baby’ was gone and went to go find some other victim. If they find me, though, they have a clue about the rescue group.” “It’s not governments?” “Rumor is that it’s funded by governments and they receive training from governments, but it’s militant abolitionists basically … Terrorists and thieves, they call them in those other countries … ‘Thieves.’ Not even ‘kidnappers’ … They won’t tell me all how they did it. I don’t even remember much of it, I was so doped up.” “They fixed …” “What they could. Even they can’t fix everything.” “Can you leave? Go home?” “I … yes.” “Why don’t you?” Ella didn’t respond for several minutes. “Medicine, at first. They can fix me better here.” “What now? ‘At first?’” She shrugged. “I’m safer here. No one kidnaps us from Itali … And … I’m not from there anymore. I can’t … I can’t be … I can’t just go back and live a normal life … I’m happy here; happy enough. I can’t just … what? What would I be back there now? How the fuck could I just go back and live like a person again? … It’s not in me anymore … She’s just a memory.” Jamie looked at the ground between his knees. “Your people?” “I don’t know. They must think I’m dead … They must’ve made peace with it by now … I did. This place … this is as good as starting over is gonna get … like resurrection … difference between you and me Jamie. You forgave the people who hurt you. I wish to god I had the chance to cut their fucking throats.” So do I, Jamie thought, it would be justice. And it would make sure they could never do it to anyone else. Jamie thought back on that Ros couple. He didn’t know what they deserved, what would happen because they were back home where they were the wronged party. What about the littles there? Would the propaganda make their lives even worse? Ella was right. This world wasn’t better than the one he left; it wasn’t worse, either. It was just a world, and Jamie lived in his piece of it, and for him it was good. For Ella, even, it was good, or least as good as she expected it could be and was willing to accept. “Is ‘Ellafaire’ your original name?” “No … ‘Ellafaire Jenkins.’ That’s me now.” “How’d you pick it?” “How’d you pick ‘Jamie.’ “Amanda did.” “’Ellafaire Jenkins’ is a name I saw on a tombstone in this park we’d go to when I was a kid … this little 19th century family cemetery on what used to be a farm, and now it’s inside the park, back in the woods on this trail … She was 22 when she died … I told my mom and dad I wished they’d named me that … I always thought it was a very pretty name … Now it’s mine.” “ELLA! STACY’S HERE!” Jamie shook his head, indicting himself for thoughtlessness. “I’m sorry. I … didn’t mean to pressure you into …” “You didn’t. Been a long time since someone could make me do something I didn’t want to do. So I guess I wanted to. You can tell yours bigs if you want. Just tell them not to spread it any further.” She started to stand, and Jamie jumped up and helped her. She looked at him without any readable expression, none at all. But Jamie recognized it. He’d seen it a handful of times, watched it come and go like a wave against a seawall. “You ever help me up again without me asking, and I will put you on your fucking ass.”

I wore diapers fulltime until I was 5 and continued wearing at night for bedwetting until I was 10. My mom always diapered me in the evening usually after my bath. I would go into my room and my mom would have my diapers and plastic pants laying on my bed with pins, diaper cream and baby powder on my dresser. She would make sure I was throughly dry and lay me on my bed and diaper me just like a toddler including applying ample amounts of diaper cream to my bottom. I was always double diapered for bedtime, so I would have this huge diaper bulge under my pjs for the rest of the evening. I would go to bed snug in my diapers and wake up wet every morning. During the weekends, I stayed in my wet diapers watching cartoons until my mom woke up and took off my diapers. I never diapered myself in my youth and it was always my mom, aunts or babysitters that diapered me.