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LILA’S 9th BIRTHDAY   Lila clapped her hands and giggled as she ran around the beach in her RuffleButts Mermaid Butterfly Tankini Two-Piece Swimsuit.  The set came complete with a pink bow, which Madeline adorned on her cute little head.  A noticeable bulge was showing from the bottom piece of her swimsuit, as Lila was wearing a Size 3 Pampers Splashers Swim Diaper.  The 85-degree heat from the sun beat down on Lila as she ran towards the shore and splashed her feet in the water. Running nearby Lila were two girls that were about exactly the same height as Lila.  Just as they were about to approach Lila, they were both scooped up by Angela. “That is too close to the water!” Angela told them.  “Shauna, Sidney, let’s go back to the towel so that mommy can put some more sunscreen on you two, okay?” Bradley, who was nearby, took Sidney from Angela.  “I can do Sidney and you can do Shauna.” Angela nodded, as they both walked back to two beach towels with some beach umbrellas right by them. Lila frowned as she saw her new friends get taken away from her.  Her frowning turned into a full blown crying fit. This got the attention of Madeline, who was standing nearby Lila.  The nanny scooped Lila up and walked back towards another beach umbrella with a towel underneath. “Lila dear, you’re too close to the water.” She told her.  “Plus, it’s been two hours so we need to put another coat of sunscreen on you.  You’re the birthday girl, so we don’t want you to burn!” Lila continued to wail as Madeline carried her back to the beach umbrella.  She didn’t know what sunscreen was or what burning even meant.  All she wanted to do was splash her feet in the water again.  From last year, her mental state remained unchanged.  The only thing that Lila could remember was being a two-year-old.  All of her five-year-old memories from four years ago were completely gone at this point.  With it being her eighth year of being two, the same cycle of memories kept repeating in her mind.  Every new birthday that Lila experienced was like her become a new two-year-old all over again.  But it wasn’t just that.  Every day that she was a two-year-old, her mind just reset to day one.  This made it virtually impossible for Cynthia or Madeline to even teach her anything new.  Whatever she learned that day was forgotten the next.  While she could still speak, she cried a lot to get attention.  Especially when her diaper was wet or soiled. Cynthia glanced at Madeline, who was sitting down with Lila, gently applying SPF 100 Sunscreen to her back.  “How’s my birthday girl?” she asked Lila.  “How old are you today?  Are you nine?” “Nahn!” Lila repeated, as she liked to repeat words that grown ups said to her.  She didn’t know what the words meant.  She just finds amusement in repeating the words that the grown ups say.  “Nahn! Nahn! Nahn! Nahn!” She clapped her hands, but stopped when Madeline grabbed one of them to spread some more sunscreen on her arm. Meanwhile, Angela was applying sunscreen to Shauna.  She looked at her daughter and smiled.  “Do you like playing with Lila?” Shauna looked at Angela and smiled.  “Eh-ah!” she cooed. Angela grinned and cooed back to her darling daughter.  “You also like playing with your twin sister Sidney, right?” Shauna smiled again, as if to recognize the name of her sister.  “Beh beh! Mama!” Jenny ran up to Angela and tapped her in the bottom, which had a clearly noticeable bulge.  “Sam is sleeping, so I wanted to see what you are doing.  Oh!  So my little niece is getting some sunscreen put on her?” Angela nodded.  “Yes.  All of the kids are getting sunscreen every two hours.” Jenny nodded.  “That’s good.  How old is Shauna and Sidney now?  Didn’t you have them last July?” “Yes.” Angela told her.  “They are both 10 months now.  And my, are they growing!  They are the same height as Lila!  And they weigh a little more than her.  23 pounds!” Jenny scratched her head.  “Isn’t Lila about 30 inches?” “That’s what our mom keeps telling me every year.” Angela told her.  “Both Shauna and Sidney are actually 30.5 inches.  I measured them yesterday.  They’re already a teeny bit taller than Lila…”  Angela then frowned.  “You know, Jenny?  It’s really sad that Lila made that wish.  Since four years ago, I cannot have a grown up conversation with Lila anymore.  Every conversation now is like I’m talking to a toddler.  She doesn’t even remember anything!  Nothing about helping me seven years ago.  I have asked her numerous times and she always gives me a cute smile, like she has no understanding of what I just said…” Jenny nodded and smiled.  “You know, Angie?  I can totally relate.  With that magic diaper, why wouldn’t you want to be a toddler forever?  I mean, I got to…for a while.  Let her have fun with it.  But there’s a scary difference that I’m seeing with her.  When I had my fun with it, I was fully aware of my original age.  Lila on the other hand is not even aware that she’s nine years old today, and has been a five-year-old in a completely different timeline.  A timeline where you didn’t even exist.  I think that her will has consumed every part of her that would ever want to grow up….” Angela nodded.  “And even though I’m a young adult, you still look like a teenager…” Jenny nodded.  “Yes Angie.  That is a painful reality that I have accepted a long time ago.  You play, you pay.  The price of me playing with the magic diaper as long as I did resulted in me staying a teenager in this current life.  I thought I was going to get another chance, but now I’m stuck as a teen.  And know what, Angie?  If I could have the magic diaper again, I would want to wear it forever.  I don’t blame her doing what she’s doing.  Let her enjoy it as long as she wants.  She’ll just have to pay for it later…” Angela gasped.  “Why would you want to wear it again?” “Why?” Jenny told her as Angela finished applying sunscreen to Shauna.  “Because I was forced to give it up!  My mommy and daddy only wanted to use me because of my magic diaper!  They only wanted me to make wishes to make them rich!  I hated it and I couldn’t stand being abused like that!  It wasn’t fun anymore so I ran away and wished to be in my mother’s womb again!  And you know what?  After making that wish, I never saw the magic diaper again.  Not once as I was growing up normally this time.  At least not until you showed it to me the first time that we babysat Lila together!  I only got 20 years with it, Angie.  Lila could have it forever…Especially if she’s stuck with the mind of a two-year-old…” Angela frowned at the thought of her little sister wearing the magic diaper forever.  “I can see why you want it back, Jen.  So couldn’t you have wished for a better family?” Jenny shook her head.  “That would interfere with their free will to take care of me.  A wish like that can only be made when the mommy is deceased.  I hope that Lila will know to make those wishes when that time comes…” She glanced up at the mansion that overlooked the beachfront.  “I LOVE this beachfront house!  How many square feet is it?  About 12,000 or something?” Angela nodded.  “Yes.  Mom told me that it’s a little over 12,000 square feet.  That’s about half the size of the Watson Estate.  It cost them $70 million.  I mean, that’s standard for a property in Palm Beach, right?” “Yeah!” Jenny nodded as she felt the bulgy padding through her swimsuit.  “All that beach frontage and the location.  I love Florida…” Meanwhile, Madeline was finished applying sunscreen to Lila.  She placed a pacifier in her mouth to calm her down.  Lila suckled it as the nanny gently applied the SPF 100 to all the exposed skin that Lila had: her arms, hands, face, belly, back, and legs.  Her feet didn’t need sunscreen since she was wearing water shoes.  After she applied the sunscreen, Lila looked tired, so she laid Lila underneath the umbrella and wrapped her in a dry towel to protect her from the sun. Lila looked up at the ceiling of the umbrella as she quietly suckled her pacifier.  She squinted her eyes and yawned, which made her spit the pacifier out a little bit.  The nanny placed it back in as everything began to fade.  In seconds, Lila was fast asleep. Lila woke up to find two other girls sleeping next to her.  They were the friends that she saw earlier.  She was about to touch them, when a hand stopped her nearby.  It was the nanny again, who was watching Lila sleep the whole time. “No no Lila,” Madeline whispered.  “Shauna and Sidney are sleeping.  Why don’t we make a sandcastle until they wake up?” This did not sit well with Lila.  She stood up and pounded her little feet in the sand.  “NU!” she shouted.  “Pay Sah-nah!  Pay Sih-dee!” This tantrum woke both Shauna and Sidney up.  They both immediately wailed, which made Lila wail as well. Angela and Bradley ran over to where their daughters were, and gasped.  “What’s going on?” Angela shouted. “Lila here had a temper tantrum.” Madeline explained to her. Angela sighed.  “Typical Lila…”  She glanced at Bradley and handed him two pacifiers.  “Calm them down.  I want to talk to the birthday girl…”  She turned toward Lila and frowned.  “What’s wrong, Lila?  Why is my birthday girl having a meltdown?  Why the pouty face?” Lila continued crying and pouted.  “Pay Sah-nah!  Pay Sih-dee!” Angela nodded, as she took Lila and placed her on her lap.  She adjusted to her condescending tone.  “Lila honey, if you want to play with Shauna and Sidney, you have to be nice.  Let them wake up from their nap instead of throwing a temper tantrum.  That wasn’t very nice.  Now, you’re my little sister.  Can you be a nice birthday girl for me?” Lila smiled as she looked at her older sister.  “Nye bir-day gul!”  She clapped her hands and glanced at the sun, which was closer to the horizon.  It was late afternoon, but not yet time for dinner. Angela began to sniff around Lila and began to pinch her nose.  “Oh. Lila…” she said, gasping.  “Um, Maddy?” Madeline, who was standing near where Angela and Lila were sitting, glanced down and exchanged glances with Angela.  “Another stinky one?  Here.  I will take care of it…” Cynthia looked at Madeline and then at the beachfront mansion.  “Don’t put another swim diaper on her.  We’re going inside to have dinner shortly.  Just take her to her room and change her there.” Madeline scooped Lila out from Angela’s lap and began walking towards the beachfront mansion. Camden walked up to where Lila was and gasped.  “Did Little Lila have another stinky?” Angela playfully shoved Camden.  “You still call her that?” Camden grinned.  “Why not?  I’m just stating the obvious.  And you still wear diapers?  I haven’t wore them since I was 10…” Angela nodded, and gave Camden a playful tap.  “I like them, and so does Jenny.  Besides, I am fully diaper dependent now, which is why I’m wearing a swim diaper.  I seriously cannot hold my bladder at all anymore…” Camden nodded.  “I was just teasing, sis.  I’ve been there.  I just didn’t want to wear them anymore…” Madeline nodded at both Angela and Camden.  “I need to take care of this.  Our little princess needs to have a fresh diaper…”  Madeline now hurriedly walked towards the house carrying Lila.  She got a pacifier out of the bag and placed it in Lila’s mouth to distract her. Lila glanced at the nanny, who was walking up the steps towards the path that led to the beachfront mansion.  The path was lined with dressed stone, with small florescent lights sitting on either side of the walkway.  They were on a timer so they only turned on at night.  She watched as the nanny took her to an enormous set of double doors lined in square tiles of glass and marble.  She opened the door and was carried through the room to a large staircase. Madeline cautiously continued up the staircase, as she continued sniffing the odor that was coming from Lila’s messy swim diaper.  She reached the top of the staircase and walked down the hallway to one of the nine bedrooms in this cozy beachfront estate.  Lila’s room was at the end of the hallway, with John and Cynthia’s room just across the hall.  She entered Lila’s room and turned on the light.  Unlike the Watson Estate, Lila didn’t have a separate room for diaper changing attached to her sleeping quarters.  Her crib and her changing table, and her play area were in the same room.  Regardless, it was still a very spacious room.  It was a beautiful nursery with just white walls.  Her crib sat in the middle of the room with her changing table on the left and a small playpen and the lower left corner of her room.  She hurried to the changing table and laid Lila down. Lila removed the pacifier from her mouth and giggled as the nanny removed the bottom half of her RuffleButts swimsuit, revealing her messy Size 3 Pampers Splashers Swim Diaper, which emitted a bright radiant flash that only Lila could see (and everyone else whom she revealed it to).  Even though it was a swim diaper, it was still the magic diaper.  The nanny took off the magic diaper and shook her head. “I’m giving you a shower…” Madeline told her.  “All the wet and stinky poo is going to make this difficult…” Madeline took Lila outside her room to the hallway, where a bathroom was right near Lila’s room, instead of inside her room like it was in the Watson Estate.  She entered it and undressed with Lila.  She took a quick shower, washing everything off of Lila and cleaning her up in the process.  She cleaned herself up too, and she exited the shower.  She wrapped Lila in a towel and carried her back to her room.  She laid Lila on the changing table and put a little Aquafor on the slightly rashy areas.  She then took out a new Size 3 Pampers Cruisers and powdered it.  She then laid Lila on it and powdered her.  She locked Lila’s feet together and folded the front of the diaper forward.  She fastened both tabs snugly and ensured the perfect fit.  She then put a beautiful blue princess dress on her with matching blue bow. And by the time that Madeline carried Lila downstairs, everyone was inside.  John, Cynthia, Camden, Angela, Bradley, Shauna, Sidney, Jenny, and Samuel.  Just a closeknit family of nine, since their other friends could not make it to Lila’s birthday this year. Pierre came out, preparing all the same dishes that he made for Lila’s 7th birthday.  The Teddy Graham encrusted mac and cheese was back, since Lila liked it so much.  Small delicious morsels of cinnamon Teddy Grahams were crumbled over freshly grated Vermont Cheese that were melted to perfection. Every noodle was made from scratch.  A hint of milk made the mac and cheese creamy, and small shavings of roasted hot dog with freshly grated garlic made the dish simply delectable.  Finally, the noodles were carefully cut by the chef to be ready for Cynthia to feed her birthday girl. The adult version of the dish was also back.  It was prepared with seafood.  Crab, lobster and grouper were all mixed into the mac and cheese, with a little Cajun spice to give it an extra kick. Everyone ate their dinner and enjoyed the food. After dinner, they had Lila open presents to let the food settle before the cake and ice cream.  Of course, the same regifted gifts were given to Lila, since she was still two, despite it being her ninth birthday.  Instead of being a prepubescent girl, she was still a small toddler, easily fitting into 12–18-month clothes.  And those were just the kind of clothes that Lila got.  More rompers, onesies, swimsuits, pretty dresses, and footed sleepers.  A couple new pacifiers and a new feeding bottle.  Another new stuffed Bluey so she could sleep with two of them now.  A few more of her old toddler toys so she can enjoy them at her vacation home in Palm Beach, Florida now.  More diapers since the beachfront estate needed to be restocked anyway. After all the presents, Boudreau, the pastry chef, wheeled out a special birthday cake that was like her 8th birthday cake and the one before that.  It was a marble torte cake covered in chocolate ganache.  The chocolate was then spray painted with blue food coloring and finished up to look like Bluey to please Lila, the extra special birthday girl. Blue fondant covered areas of the cake to design the different parts of Bluey’s face.  A “9” candle sat at the tip of Bluey’s nose. With that, all of the family gathered around Lila and sang to her again, commemorating her special day: Happy birthday to you!  Happy birthday to you!  Happy birthday dear Lila, happy birthday to you! “And many more!” Cynthia sang, crying happy tears this time.  She hugged Lila, and helped her in blowing out the candle on this very special cake.  She made a blow with her lips, hoping that Lila would get the idea.  “On three, Lila!” Cynthia instructed.  “Let’s blow Bluey’s nose!  One…two…three!” Cynthia blew on the “9” candle, with Lila blowing just after her.  The candle was blown out. Everyone ate the cake and enjoyed it.  Lila especially enjoyed it, smacking her lips and smiling.  “Mo Boo-Wee mommy! Mo Boo-Wee!” Cynthia granted Lila’s request.  She cut another small piece of the cake and gave it to Lila, who polished off in seconds. Ice cream was next.  Chef Boudreau brought out a batch of Neapolitan ice cream that was freshly made that day.  Every ingredient was fresh and the consistency was perfect. Cynthia fed Lila the ice cream, while everyone else ate theirs.  Since Shauna and Sidney were too young for cake or ice cream, Angela fed them bottles that she filled with her breast milk. As Cynthia was giving Lila her last spoonful, Lila began to yawn.  Cynthia glanced at Madeline, who nodded.  Cynthia and everyone else said goodnight to Lila before she was scooped up by Madeline to get the tired princess ready for bed. Madeline took Lila to the bathroom that they took a shower in earlier.  She brushed Lila’s teeth and took her back to her room.  She laid Lila on the changing table, cleaned her, and changed her into a Size 3 Pampers Swaddlers Overnights diaper (it was only wet this time).  She dressed Lila in her new blue footed sleeper, with a pattern of stars and moons all over the soft cottony fabric.  She placed one of Lila’s new pacifiers in her mouth (it was blue to match her pajamas) and Lila tiredly suckled it.  She placed Lila in her crib and kissed her goodnight.  “Good night, my birthday princess,” she told Lila. Lila smiled, as she watched her nanny leave the room and close the door.  She glanced at the new stuffed Bluey that she got for her birthday, and hugged both of them.  “Ni ni Boo-Wee!” she said with a smile. Lila squinted her eyes and she fell asleep.  A steady stream of pee began to slowly fill Lila’s diaper. It was a fun birthday in Palm Beach.  A birthday that Lila wouldn’t forget.

Your concerns are actually inverted, fyi?  Abdominal incision surgeries are way more risky and require way longer recoveries. Plus, you can’t really access the muscles and stuff necessary for what these procedures need from the abdomen—everything is under the bladder in a space separate from the abdomen, which would require a lot of risky cutting in the pelvis which has a ton of nerves and blood vessels. You would have way more likelihood of nerve damage (and vascular damage, and damaging other vital organs, and internal scar tissue, and…the list goes on) with abdominal surgery.  Also, there isn’t one single nerve that allows for sexual function in men. Erection/ejaculation are caused by a network of sympathetic and parasympathetic fibers. There’s also good evidence that even people who sustain nerve damage down there or even at the spinal cord level can still have things functions “down there.” As I always say—the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body.  So yeah, transurethral is def way safer than abdominal (in general and esp in these cases). Anytime you can avoid an “open abdominal surgery,” you want to avoid. Most of the nerves in the actual penis are superficial and not near the urethra. And the whole point of transurethral surgery is that you try to only resect or adjust  what needs removing/adjusting.  and of course, one would assume they’ve talked their concerns with their own surgeons—it’s part of the consent process.  None of the above post should be considered medical advice. I just wanted to let you know you had a misinformed opinion about abdominal incisions in 2024. 

Thank you very much! It's gone down a few odd rabbit holes here and there. haha   Jennifer groaned into her pillow and lifted her head to stare at her alarm clock. 3: 58 in the morning. Good, she still had two and a half-hours till she had to be up.    Step. Step. Creak. Step. Step. Creak.    Footsteps were pacing outside the hall. Hortensia, she thought blearily and let her head fall back on her pillow. Her aunt's treatment of her growing up had given Jennifer a complex when it came to confinement, so if Hortensia felt she needed to get up and move in the middle of the night, Jennifer had said she was more than welcome to. As long as she didn’t go downstairs, that was. Needing to wiggle around a bit was one thing, but sneaking downstairs to play video games on a school night was another.    The memory of last night came sharply into focus.   She had been so startled by everything going on, she had pulled Hortensia silently along downstairs, and without a word to each other, the two had stayed up playing Mario Kart until two in the morning. The air was so thick and tense between them it sat like physical weight in her stomach and lungs.    And then she remembered the break ins…   What if it wasn’t Hortensia in the hall? She strained to listen. Could it be a man?    Step. Step. Creak. Step. Step. Creak.    And then nothing.   Jennifer held her breath. The figure was standing right outside her bedroom door. Please, just cough or make a noise. But the house was eerily quiet. She needed to know for sure. As she approached the door to peek outside, the footsteps hurried away, followed by a door slamming shut. It was Hortensia…Probably. But she felt compelled to check anyway. There was no going back to sleep until she knew the girls were safe.    She walked down the empty hallway, first checking on Matilda    who was sound asleep, a flashlight beam on her bed revealing an open book sprawled next to her. Caught reading past her bedtime again it seemed. She picked up the flashlight to flip it off but decided she could use this instead. If Hortensia was asleep, she’d go downstairs and double check everything.    She opened the door and shined the light in all the corners, searching for intruders. No one in the closet. No one under the bed. The room was clear. She began to tiptoe out, casting one last  glance at the girl pretending to be asleep. She quickly went through the rest of the house, double checking the doors and windows before heading back to bed.    She stopped in Hortensia’s doorway again and peeked in. The girl rolled over, exposing her back with the blankets pulled up over her head. Jennifer went in and gently closed the door behind her before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She sat and listened to Hortensia’s sporadic, uneven breathing, much too erratic to pass for sleep.    Finally, after a few minutes Jennifer said softly, “You don’t even like pickles.” Hortensia began to cry. Jennifer shut her eyes as a look of pain crossed her face. No confusion. No “What are you talking about?” Only tears. “Why?” was all Jennifer could say. “I don’t understand.”  “I was hungry.” A small, timid meek sounding voice replied. Gone was the attitude and contempt. Why? Why!    “I have been trying for weeks to get you to eat!” Her voice was thick with emotion. All the frustration, the fighting, the worrying, for what? “Do you not like my cooking that much? I have done everything! I have-” she stopped herself. She was about to unload on this kid. She took a deep breath and tried again. “I want the truth, Hortensia. Have you, or have you not, been breaking into my neighbor’s houses?”    “I didn’t break anything!”    “Have you been entering people’s homes without permission?” Silence. “Hortensia!”    “Yes!” The girl cried.   “Were you doing this for fun? Were you trying to see how far you could go without getting caught? Was this some kind of game to you?”   “No!”    “Then why? Why would you do something so stupid and dangerous for food you don’t even like when we have perfectly good food here?” Jennifer demanded. The girl refused to answer. “Do you really think I’m poisoning you?” Nod.  She sat quietly on the bed for some time trying to process this. Hortensia had insisted on eating lunch in the cafeteria, despite complaining all summer about the school’s terrible food. She only ate individually wrapped snacks, hardly touching anything prepared for her. She had even caught her swapping plates with Matilda on multiple occasions, citing her own portion was too burnt, despite not a trace of black that Jennifer could see. She had passed it off as Hortensia being purposefully difficult, or a quirk, like Matilda’s insistence that food couldn’t touch on her plate.   Why? Why on earth would she think this?    “I. Am. Not. Poisoning. You.” She said firmly, before sighing. “Are you talking about your medication?”    “You’re putting it in my food, making me have those episodes.”    “Hortensia! No, I am not putting anything in your food! If I was, do you think I’d be fighting with you every morning and evening to get you to take them?”    “It’s for show.” Hortensia muttered matter-of-factly.    “I don’t know why you’re having these episodes. I want them to stop just as much as you do! Why do you think I’ve been taking you to all these doctors?”   “For show.” Hortensia said again. Jennifer put her face in her hands trying to fight the urge to cry. This went far beyond a kid’s imagination running wild.    “Tens,” Jennifer whispered, “I’m trying to help you. I would never do anything like that, I lo-”   “Don’t!”    “Why does this upset you?”    “You say it to everyone; it doesn’t mean anything.” While it was true she did often say it to the children who came up and gave her a hug at school, and yes, there were a lot of them, couldn’t Hortensia see that she was loved by her actions? Or was that asking too much of her?    “Of course I love you. Of course they aren’t empty words.”   “I don’t want you to love me.” Hortensia said so quietly Jennifer wondered if she had heard wrong. What kind of child didn’t want to be loved?   “Everyone needs to feel loved.” Jennifer said after a minute to think it over. “Life can be very lonely and miserable without it.”   “I’m miserable now.”    “And you think me not loving you is going to help?” Hortensia was silent. “Why do you feel this way? Why don’t you want me to love you?”   “It makes me feel bad.”    “But…why? Love isn’t supposed to make you feel bad.”   “I don’t know!” Hortensia cried. “It just does! It makes me feel bad inside.”    “Can you tell me more about it?” Silence. “Tens?”    “I don’t know! I’m not lying! I just don’t know!”    “I believe you. Take your time.”    “I know what I’m supposed to feel,” Jennifer nodded and waited for her to finish her thought. “But all I can think of is my mom. I feel like…I’m doing something wrong, and not in a fun way.” Jennifer frowned.    “I think what you’re describing is guilt.”    “I guess.”    Now they were getting somewhere.   “Do you think allowing yourself to be happy with us would somehow hurt your moms feelings?”    Nod.   “Oh, Tens.” She said sadly. “I don’t think she’d want you to feel that way. The thing about being a parent, well, a decent one anyway, is that you want the best for your children, and you want them to be happy, even if it means you’re not the one doing it.”   “Huh?”   “What I mean is, just because she is alone and unhappy right now, it doesn’t mean she’d want that for you, especially not with everything you’ve been going through. Stop trying to shoulder this on your own, please.” Jennifer said before she whispered. “It’s breaking you.”    “I’m not like Matilda.”    “You don’t need to be. You only need to be you.”    “You’re not my mom.”    “I’m not, but that doesn’t mean the three of us aren’t a family.”    “I-I don’t want a new family! I want my mom!”    “I know you do…” Jennifer said sadly. They both sat in silence for a few more minutes before Jennifer stood up. “Try and get some sleep.”    “Jenny?”   “Yes?”    “Never mind, It’s nothing.”    “Tell me.” Hortensia shook her head. Jennifer paused in the doorway.    “I…leaked.” Hortensia mumbled. “And I don’t have anymore nappies.” Jennifer internally groaned. She had asked Hortensia just yesterday how she was doing on nappies and she had said she was fine.    “How bad?’” Jennifer asked. “Do you need new sheets?” She flicked on the lights and sighed. Yes. Yes she did. “Were you even wearing a nappy?”   “Yes!” Hortensia huffed out offended. “It was just crooked or something.”    “How is it that crooked? Take off your pajamas, they're soaked.” Jennifer rolled her eyes when Hortensia kicked her pants off. No wonder. The sides were absolutely shredded. “How long have you been wearing that same nappy?”    “Just today.”    “It looks like you’ve tried to pull it off ten or more times! There’s no way you’ve only been wearing it today.”   “It’s a pain to get off and on. Why do you think I take so long in the bathroom?” Hortensia grumbled.    “Because you're playing your Gameboy.”   “No, I’m not!” Hortensia said, but her averted eyes told another story. Jennifer gave her a doubtful look. “You do crosswords” she grumbled.    “I don’t run in the bathroom just to do crosswords when I know I should be working on school work.” Jennifer said. “Look, it’s late. I have some nappies in my room. You can clean all this up in the morning. C’mon, you can sleep with me.”    Hortensia silently followed along, standing awkwardly to the side as Jennifer dug the box out from underneath her bed. She tried to cover its contents with her body as she fished a nappy out of a package.   “What is all that?” Hortensia asked, peeking over into the box. “Oh, hey, it’s those nappies. I like these one’s better.” Jennifer looked up from the box, surprised.    “You do?” Jennifer asked, eyebrows raised. “Even though they're…childish?” And not discrete whatsoever.    “They're comfy.” Hortensia said. “But I wouldn’t wear them during the day, it’s hard to walk normally.” Well, that was because they were made to make you waddle on purpose. Brian had asked her to try it and she had. Once. It wasn’t for her. Now the box of adult sized baby paraphernalia  sat under her bed gathering dust. “Is that a…?” Before Jennifer could stop her, Hortensia’s arm had shot in and pulled out a very large baby bottle.    “It was Amber’s things for convalescing.” Jennifer said, taking the bottle from her and throwing it back in the box.    “Huh?”    “She was very sick and couldn’t eat solid foods, so she drank out of a bottle.” Jennifer had no idea if this was true or not.    “Okay, and this…?” Hortensia held out a giant pacifier. Jennifer grimaced.    “For seizures, now put it back.”    “Oh, I thought she just liked being a baby, that’s why she had two ghosts.”    “Two ghosts?”    “Yeah, Amber the grownup and the other one.” Hortensia said before rolling her eyes. “Brat.” she muttered. Brat? “Didn’t you see the kid in the animal pajamas?”    “Yeah, but…”   “They’re there in the box.” She dug through it and came out with a dalmatian onesie.    “I wondered who that was.” Jennifer muttered. “You think it was her at the skate park that one day?”    “Probably, she liked throwing stuff.”    “Liked?”    “She’s gone now.” Jennifer picked up on the note of sadness in her voice. She hadn’t paid much attention to the lack of her unwanted house guest, assuming Amber had been at Brian’s with her own family now that Hortensia was safe. Perhaps what she had witnessed that morning was Amber saying her goodbye’s.    “For the best.” Jennifer said, trying not to show how happy she was knowing her boyfriend's dead wife would no longer be spying on them fooling around. “What of the others?”    “They're all gone.” She could hear the crack of emotion in Hortensia’s voice.    “You liked having her around, didn’t you?” She nodded and wiped at her eyes with the back of her arm. “Well, here, go rinse off and put this on.” Hortensia was about to head into the bathroom but Jennifer stopped her. “If you ever need help with them, you can ask me. It’s torn to shreds.”     “It’s hard getting them off in time.” Hortensia mumbled before disappearing inside the bathroom. Jennifer surveyed her bed before grabbing the load of clothes she hadn’t had the energy to hang up onto her dresser. Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow, she thought sarcastically. The stress had been taking a toll on her energy level and she was finding simple tasks monumental. She was about to climb into bed when she noticed something was missing. Spot. She’d want him.   So Jennifer made her way back to Hortensia’s room, flicked on the light and began the hunt. She was surprised when she didn’t find him on her bed. She looked around the sides to see if he had fallen onto the floor, but he was nowhere to be found. Had she brought him with her and Jennifer just hadn’t noticed? He wasn’t under the bed, behind the headboard, in her closet or wrapped up in her blanket. She was about to give up and go back when she noticed something white sticking out between the box spring and mattress. Jennifer pulled it out and blanched. What?   She held the dismembered stuffed dog in her hands. He had been gutted from face to pelvis, his stuffing had been removed and his eyes had been gouged out.    Jennifer gripped the not-so-stuffed-dogs remains in her fist and made her way to the bathroom. She threw open the door without knocking and, ignoring Hortensia’s shouts of protests, and held up what was once her most cherished possession.    “I’m not dressed! What the hell? Knock!” Hortensia shouted.    “Explain.”    “Get out!”    Without a word, Jennifer grabbed her wrist and pulled her to her bed. She pulled out the changing mat and laid it out on the bed.    “Lay down.” Jennifer ordered. She grabbed the nappy from Hortensia’s hands and pointed. Hortensia's eyes went from her, to the bed and back to the nappy in her hands.    “No, that’s weird.” she whined.    “Lay. Down. Now.”    Reluctantly, Hortensia climbed onto the mat and winced and Jennifer began to wipe her down with wet wipes.   “Stop!” Hortensia complained.    “You’re wet.” Jennifer said, ignoring her protests and squirming. “Besides, i’ve been changing your nappies for months.”    “I don’t want you to!”    “I’m not leaving you to sit in your own waste.” She sprinkled powder over her skin and taped the new nappy dotted with cartoon circus animals onto her waist. She used another wipe on her own hands before crossing her arms and meeting Hortensia’s glare. “Explain to me why you’ve destroyed your favorite toy.”    “I’m too old for stuffed animals.” Hortensia mumbled.    “I saw you just the other day cuddling with him, and now I see he’s been autopsied! You know, most people who outgrow their stuffed animals put them in their closet and leave them be. You look like you tried to harvest its organs!”    “I wanted to know what was inside.” she whined.   “Stuffing! Stuffing was inside! Hortensia, what is going on with you?” But she had curled up into a ball and ignored her question. Jennifer sighed in defeat and climbed into bed. It was quarter to five in the morning. The stress was sitting in her stomach like a rock, making her feel nauseated and queasy. By six, she could no longer lay down, and by the time her alarm went off at six-thirty, she had her head in the toilet, vomiting up last night's chicken alfredo.   “Sorry, girls, you’re on your own for breakfast.” Jennifer said when she finally managed to extract herself from the bathroom. “I’m not feeling so good this morning.”    “I’m going to get sick now!” Hortensia lamented.    “I’m not sick. I’m just stressed.” She mumbled into her fist.    “You can get sick from stress?” Hortensia’s face fell.    “She does. All the time.” Matilda said. “I asked her questions about her scars once and she puked all over the hiking trail.”    “Please, no more talk about puking.” Jennifer moaned. “Thanks.” She said a few moments later when Matilda slid a cup of tea in front of her. She forced herself to smile and take a sip. “Feeling better already.” She lied.    “Where’s mine?” Hortensia scowled when Matilda poured herself a cup and sat down.   “Go make your own.” Matilda said, taking a sip. Hortensia made a disgusted noise and slid off her chair.   “You took all the hot water!” Hortensia complained.    “Girls, please, not today.” She peeked out of her mostly closed eyelids and saw the time. “Hortensia, if Matilda made eggs, would you eat them?” She saw the girl avert her eyes. That was a no.    “Am I making eggs or not?” Matilda asked, looking from one face to the other.    “If you want them.”    “Do you?”    “No, thank you though. I’m fine with tea.”    “Same.” Hortensia said, sliding back into her seat with a mug.    “You want some tea with that sugar?” Matilda teased. Jennifer opened her eyes to see the table now littered with empty individual sugar packets and crystalized white beads.    “How about you get some of that in the mug.” Jennifer said before sliding out from her chair. “I’m going back upstairs for a bit.” She stared at Hortensia pointedly. “Eat something. Besides sugar packets. And don’t forget to put your sheets in the wash.”    “Are you going back to bed?” Matilda asked.    “No, I just need to make a few phone calls.”   “Are you going to call the doctor?”    “Yes.”    She slowly made her way up the stairs and to the privacy of her bedroom.    “What do I do?” Jennifer asked in a shaky voice. She got the answer she had been afraid of. She let out a held breath. “Okay.” she said in resignation. She was out of options. Her mind raced. She wanted to lie down and go back to sleep. Once she was able to collect herself, she called the detective back and asked to reschedule their meeting. He didn’t sound happy about it, but he agreed.    “It is imperative that we speak soon.”    “Since I have you on the phone, can I ask you something? Can you prosecute him without her?” He was silent for a moment. “I have a neighbor that came by last night that attends her church. He said his lawyers would attack her character. She’s just a kid! She’s gone through something horrible! No one would possibly do that to a kid…right?”    “We will try our hardest to shield her from any push back.”   “What do you mean shield her? Is an adult really going to drag an eleven-year-old through the mud?” He cleared his throat. Her nausea was rearing its ugly head, but she swallowed down the bile in her throat. “Is it true that rape victims are attacked in court?”   “As heartless as it seems, it is a common defense tactic, but I wouldn’t worry about it.”    “There’s other people that have come forward, is their testimony enough? She’s…she’s not well.”   “If we want a slam dunk conviction, we will need her testimony. She is the only one with documented injuries of a sexual nature. This case is…this case is unprecedented. It’s going to attract a lot of media attention as more details come out. We’ll do our best to protect her identity as much as possible.” But Jennifer had a feeling they already knew who had made the allegations, even before she had opened her big, fat mouth.    “What kind of things will they try to say about her?”    “A lot of bollocks, really. Things anyone could see right through like, she initiated, or consented. No one with half a brain cell is going to believe that.”    “What makes this case so unprecedented?”  Another pause.    “Well, as you know, this is much bigger than one person. And, well, I’d really feel more comfortable talking to you in person rather than over the phone, there’s something we’d like you to see.”    “I need to go to the hospital. I’ll see if I can make it after.”    After she hung up and finally mustered the strength to get herself in the shower, she slowly made her way down the stairs, wrinkling her nose at the smells coming from the kitchen.    “I said you could make eggs, not a full english breakfast.” she said, surveying the mess of ingredients. Both the girls were standing in front of the stove, a piece of bacon sticking out of the older one's mouth. Well, at least she was eating.    “Sure you don’t want some?” Matilda asked. “Might make you feel better if you ate.” Jennifer highly doubted anything that greasy would make her feel better. Just watching it bubble in the pan made her stomach do the same.   She forced another smile. “I’m fine, you enjoy.”    “What did the doctor say?” Matilda asked. Jennifer bit her lip. “You did call the doctor, right?”   “I did.” She said, taking a seat at the kitchen table, “Have to go to the hospital this morning, so hurry up and eat you two.” Matilda seemed to stare at her suspiciously for a moment. “What?”    “Nothing.” she said, shoveling food onto plates.    “Why do we have to go?” Hortensia complained. “Ow! What was that for?”    “She’s sick, stop being a pain.”    “Can I stay here instead? I promise I’ll do my school work!”    “Yeah, right.” Matilda said, rolling her eyes. Jennifer shared her sentiment.    “You have to come.” Jennifer said. “Bring your Game Boy.”    …   “Mom, seriously?” Matilda said. She should have known Matilda would peak over at what she was writing. Jennifer put a finger to her lips and gave her an exasperated, pleading look before returning to her clipboard of intake paperwork. “You need to get checked.”    “I’m fine. I’m stressed.”    “You said you called the doctor, liar.” Matilda said, crossing her arms and glowering at her.   “I did call the doctor.”    “Your doctor.”    “I’m fine, Matilda. Read your book.”    “You are not fine. You had to pull over three times to be sick on the way here.” She knew she shouldn’t have eaten, but she didn’t want to hurt Matilda’s feelings and she had to prove to Hortensia nothing was wrong with her portion of the food. She watched Matilda get up and storm up to the front desk and return with another clip board.   “Matilda, what are you doing?” She looked over and let out a defeated groan.    “You’re being seen.” Matilda stated. She picked up the chained pen and began filling out paperwork. Jennifer shook her head.    “Hortensia Be-Bied-Bieder-” The intake nurse frowned and looked across the room. “Is there a Hortensia here?”    “C’mon, let’s go.” Jennifer said, standing up. Hortensia looked up from her game, confused.    “I thought we were here for you.” Jennifer gave her a pained look.   “We are.” Matilda said firmly.    “I had to.” Jennifer said softly.    “Had to what?” Hortensia asked, as Jennifer ushered her forward to the triage. She took one look at the cart of empty blood vials waiting for her and froze. “No! No! No! No!” She turned to run back the way she had come but Jennifer blocked her.    “It’s just a blood draw, chicken.” Matilda said.    “Matilda,” Jennifer hissed. She didn’t need her getting worked into a frenzy, although she knew it would be unavoidable once she learned why they were there. “You want me to go first?” Hortensia nodded, already looking white as a ghost. “Do you mind? I think I’m next on the list, thanks to a little someone…” She stared at Matilda who gave her a guilty smile. “Jennifer Honey.”    The man working triage nodded and picked up a different clipboard. “So both of you are being seen?”   “Yes,” Jennifer said as she took a seat.    “And what is it that you’re being seen for?”    “A little queasy this morning.”  “That poor hydrangea bush begs to differ.” Matilda said. Jennifer rolled her eyes.    “Let’s start with your weight and height.” he led her to the scale where the number that appeared made her even more nauseous. How had she put on so much weight? She had been stress binging, she knew, but still. He led her back the chair where he took her blood pressure, and asked her more routine questions. No, she didn’t smoke or drink. No, there wasn’t any chance she was pregnant. No, she didn’t take any illegal substances.    When it came to the blood draw, she tried to appear as straight faced as possible despite Hortensia looking everywhere but at her. When she was handed a urine specimen cup, she decided to wait for Hortensia. She didn’t trust her not to bolt while she was in the restroom.   “Your turn.” He turned to look at Hortensia who let out a pitiful sounding whine.    “It’s alright, it doesn’t hurt.” Much.    It took twenty minutes, and two staff members to hold her down.    “Would have been much easier if you didn’t fight.” He sounded like he was more than ready for her to go back to the waiting room. At least Hortensia was so preoccupied by the blood draw she hadn’t heard her conversation with triage as to why she was there. If she had, she hadn’t said anything about it.    “The worst is over.” Jennifer said once they were in the bathroom. “I don’t think you’ll be getting any more needles.” Hortensia ignored her and went into a stall. Once they dropped off their urine samples, they went back out into the waiting room and waited another hour. Twice Hortensia had tried to excuse herself to the restroom, but Jennifer had Matilda go with her every time to put a stop to any escape attempts.    “Hortensia.” someone with a clipboard shouted into the waiting room. They didn’t attempt to say her last name this time.    They were led down a hallway to a row of curtains and to the third one to the left. “I’ll get another chair for you.” Jennifer took a seat on the chair and motioned for Hortensia to have a seat on the bed.   “What are you three doing back here?” a familiar voice said. Jennifer gave her an uneasy smile.    “I thought you worked nights.”    “In a perfect world. I get called in at all odd hours.” She said. Jennifer tried to remember her name. Helga? Helen? Eventually she gave up and stared at her name tag. Meaghan. Not even close. “So I get both of you today I see.”    “Her doing.” Jennifer said, nudging Matilda.    “Did someone bring a virus back from school?” Meaghan laughed.    “No.” Matilda said. “I’m making her get seen. She keeps puking.” Jennifer shrugged before frowning as she was handed another green bag.    “I’m fine.” She said.   “You don’t look fine.” Meaghan said.    “Thank you!” Matilda said.    “Now, who wants to go first?” Both Jennifer and Hortensia pointed at each other. Meaghan smiled and held up two charts, clipboards facing them. “You pick.” she said to Matilda, who pointed to the left. “Hortensia it is.”    “Traitor.” Hortensia grumbled before eying Meaghan distrustfully.  “You better not put anything up my arse this time.”    “Hortensia!” Jennifer groaned.    “I think your arse is safe for the time being.” Meaghan said, looking over her chart. She flashed Hortensia a sympathetic smile. “I see here you’re having a hard time with everything. Why don’t you tell me a bit why you’re here.”   “I don’t know.” Hortensia grumbled. Meaghan turned to Jennifer.    “I called her doctor and they told me to bring her in,” Jennifer said before letting out a held breath. “She needs to be admitted for psychiatric evaluation.” Hortensia’s head swiveled around.    “What?” she demanded.    “I’m sorry, I-I have to.” Jennifer said. She couldn’t meet her eyes.    “Can you tell me a little bit about what’s going on?”    “Delusions, mood swings, she won’t eat, she’s destroying things, having these strange episodes where she spaces out and won’t come to and-” She put a fist to her mouth.    “In the bag.”    Jennifer retched as Hortensia and Matilda recoiled.  “Sorry, I get sick to my stomach when I’m stressed.” Jennifer mumbled, before thanking her for the napkin to wipe her mouth. She might have been imagining it, but Meaghan looked like she wanted to laugh. “I think she might have some kind of infection as well.” Jennifer added when her senses came back.    “Doctor will take a look when he comes in. As for you, I’m going to have you two switch places for now before I need to get the smelling salts again.” Matilda laughed at this.   “Did she really pass out?” Matilda asked.   “Yes, I did.” Jennifer groaned, earning another laugh from the girl.    “What are you laughing for? You just jumped nearly six feet in the air when your mom got sick.” Meaghan teased as she helped Jennifer lie down. “Doctor might want to start an I.v. for fluids.” Now it was Hortensia’s turn to laugh.    Sure enough, Meaghan came back twenty minutes later carrying a bag of syringes and coil. Hortensia looked like she was the one about to be sick.    “Got it, all done.”    “What? Already?” Hortensia said in disbelief. Jennifer had a feeling Hortensia had expected her to suffer through a couple failed attempts.    “That’s how easy it can be when you don’t need five people holding you down.” Meaghan said.     “No fair.” Hortensia grumbled. “You poked me like 12 times!” She looked at Matilda. “How many times did they get you?”   “Once.” Matilda said with a grin. Hortensia rolled her eyes before standing up.    “I need the lou.” She said.   “You just went to the lou.” Matilda complained.    “Well, I have to go again!” she said before taking off.   “Go with her, please.” Jennifer said before shutting her eyes. Maybe she did have an infection. Or she was trying to run off.    She opened her eyes when a new person pulled back the curtain. She blinked and lifted her head. The girls were back already? She must have fallen asleep. He introduced himself as the doctor on call. She ran through Hortensia’s symptoms and troubling behavior as Hortensia glowered at her and said nothing. He then began asking about her diet, and how much sugar she had this morning. Jennifer said a lot.   “So I did speak with her pediatrician, and we are going to go ahead and admit her. What we want to address the most is her eating.  We are going to admit her as an E.D. patient, which means she will have more supervision during meals. One thing we did find in her labs is her blood sugar is quite elevated, so after we get her eating on a normal schedule and give her body a chance to adjust, we are going to rerun the blood panel and check that over.”    “Oh, well, umm, I’m concerned about her mental state. She’s having these delusions that I’m poisoning her. Shouldn’t that be the thing to address? It’s great if you get her to eat here, but what happens when she comes home?”   “I know it sounds illogical to us, but after going through her chart and seeing what happened. Her being afraid her food is being poisoned is actually a rational concern. Her food was being tampered with. Questioning the adults in her life is actually a natural response. After going through her medical history and seeing her lab results, I have a suspicion I know what’s going on and it may not be entirely psychiatric. Yes, she absolutely needs and will receive therapy and psychiatric help, but we need to rule out any physical causes.”    “Oh I agree, completely. I just feel like we’ve been to so many doctors and everyone keeps referring us back to psychiatry.”    “Have you been to an endocrinologist?”    “Maybe? I’m not sure. I thought it was one of the first places we were referred to, but I can’t remember if it was for Hortentsia or Matilda though.”   “Me.” Matilda said. Oh.    “Well, like I said, we want to keep an eye on her blood sugar. If it comes back this elevated again we’ll need to start her on insulin right away.”    “Insulin?” Oh god no. Please no. Not that. “She’s diabetic?”    “We will know for sure in a couple of days, but my money’s on yes.” Jennifer cringed. Images of chasing her down and trying to stab her with an insulin pen made her feel queasy again.    “She’s afraid of needles.” She groaned.    “Well, if she is diabetic, we can talk about treatment plans then. As for you.” He smiled and opened her folder. “Congratulations is in order.” She blinked in confusion.    “I don’t feel much like celebrating.”    “Morning sickness will do that.” Morning sickness? She laughed.   “No- no, there’s no way-”   “You’re pregnant.”  

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