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By Kitty Angel · Posted
115. Childish Things “What now?” Tess asked, and surprised herself by how excited she sounded. She was really getting into this little game now, playing at being a kid. She knew she could stop it if she wanted to, but she also knew that this was important to Spike, and she was pretty sure that so long as he was being her Daddy, she would enjoy it no matter what they did. She wanted to prove that she could remember to use the potty even after he made her into a toddler, so she decided that she would keep on playing this role for at least that long. And once she was happy to go through with it, she found it easier to just play along, and do whatever felt natural. “How about you show me some of your toys?” he said. “You’ve got a proper nursery set up here, haven’t you? Would you rather play here, or take some toys down to the lounge? I don’t know your normal routine, I’m afraid.” “I dunno,” Tess said, and gave a little. It seemed so easy to let him take over the big decisions, and his smile reassured her every time. She would play along with whatever his fantasies turned out to be. But even when she was smiling and imagining herself as a little kid, she knew that she would start to feel frustrated if there wasn’t something she could take responsibility for. Not having a job to do was like skydiving; cut off from her anchor. Maybe she could convince herself it was fun for a little while, but the lack of any problems she could solve would start to stress her out sooner or later. But maybe there was an answer to that as well? “Umm… can Ffrances come play too?” she asked. It was getting easier now to fit what she wanted into words she could imagine a child saying, and she just hoped there wasn’t anything getting lost in translation. “She can be my little sister. Gabby lets me look after her sometimes, it’s good because Gabby doesn’t like looking after two kids.” As soon as she said it, she realised that she had been thinking so much about choosing the right words, she hadn’t even considered how much she was allowed to say. She was pretty sure she shouldn’t have told him that Ffrances liked to be babied; that was a secret she should share herself. But it was too late to take the words back, and she could only hope that Spike would dismiss it as the chaotic ramblings of a little kid who couldn’t separate fantasy from reality. Unless, of course, he already knew. That would have been perfect; no matter how much she loved having some time alone with her complicated-maybe-boyfriend, she knew that she would enjoy herself more with a little sister to care for as well. “Don’t worry, today is all about you,” Spike answered, and Tess found herself confused for a moment. His answer didn’t seem to fit what she had asked, but maybe she wasn’t understanding well enough. “You’ve spent enough time and effort looking after me at school, solving all of my problems. And everyone else’s too. You’re very good at it, but you’re not old enough to think about what you ‘need’ to do now. At one year old, you’d probably just play with whatever toys are in reach, and not think about anything else unless you’re really trying hard to help Daddy out with something. You won’t think about your responsibilities at all, you can just let me take care of you. You don’t need to make any decisions now, except maybe which of the toys in reach you’re going to grab for first. You are that young.” Tess felt confused for a moment, but she could feel all her worries draining away. She didn’t need to think about anything when she was so little; Daddy could do all the thinking for her. Daddy would make sure that she didn’t get bored. So when he helped her down from the changing table, she was quick to stumble across the room – feeling as awkward as always while she got used to the bulk of the padding between her legs – and start grabbing at her toy boxes. She wanted to help Daddy, and to impress him with how much she could still do for herself. But there were so many toys in there, and some that she hadn’t even looked at before. She tipped the toys from one box across the floor, thinking that she would pick up the best ones, but everything she looked at seemed so new and different, she just couldn’t put any of them aside. No sooner had she picked up one bright plastic thing, than she was staring at another, thinking how much fun it might be to play with. A few minutes later she found herself trying to pick up everything at once, not knowing how to choose when everything was so much fun. Spike watched her, carefully moving some of the toys around when she wasn’t looking so that she didn’t hurt herself by stepping on things. She seemed to be having fun, even if her play was little more than picking something up, distracting herself, and dropping it again. She seemed to be delighted by every single trinketghhyuyh, and her enthusiasm was clear for him to see. Some time passed. Tess wasn’t really sure how much. She held up some of her finds sometimes, showing off the wonderful toys she had found to her Daddy. And she was even happier when he seemed to be impressed with her. After a while, she even managed to topple over another of the storage boxes, giving her even more toys to look through. But after a while, Spike was helping her to her feet again, asking her to go downstairs and play. “I think maybe you’re finding it hard to choose with so many toys,” he said. “Let’s just take a couple and go play in the lounge. Or maybe we can watch cartoons for a while. You can imagine how it feels to be a baby, can’t you? So anything you think of that a baby would enjoy, you’ll do it automatically, and any time you find yourself doing something childish, it’ll make you feel even happier and smaller so you don’t have to worry about a thing. You are that little.” Tess giggled and nodded. She knew that she was supposed to be remembering to tell him when she wanted to grow up, but it was so easy not to think about the grown up stuff now. She already knew that if he said anything she didn’t like, her mind would reject it and bring her back to normal; she didn’t want the day to end like that, so she hoped she could trust Spike just to do fun things. But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she knew that she could trust Daddy. He would do everything for her, and she didn’t need to think about it at all. Once they got to the lounge, it was so much easier to play with her toys. There were only a couple of different things here, and they were all so exciting. Every time she looked away from what she was doing right now and saw one of the others, it was exciting enough to make her grab it right away. But little by little, divided up by a suddenly-tiny attention span, she managed to show Spike all of her amazing toys. He joined her kneeling on the floor to play with them, whether he was actually joining in the fun or just stroking her hair while she showed off how much fun she was having. It was so easy to get carried away; to not think about anything, and just play with whatever was in front of her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was aware that something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t really think about it because whatever was right in front of her was so enthralling, and left no space for other thoughts in her mind. She smiled and giggled, and kept trying to imagine that she was enjoying herself. She was having fun, she told herself, so there was no need to worry. And she was here with Spike, which made her happier than anything else she could imagine, but she still knew there was something wrong. She was playing like a toddler, having so much fun with the things in front of her, but only because she’d been told to have fun. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that she was only pretending to enjoy the experience, but those thoughts were too complex and abstract for her conscious train of thought to pick up on. Especially when her whole attention was devoted to pushing a green plastic train across the carpet. Eventually, something pulled her focus away from the toys. There was something else she needed to do, or something to think about. She wasn’t sure what it was, and it was so much easier to let whatever was in front of her right now capture her attention. But before long, she started to realise that she had been playing for a long time, and she needed a potty break. By the time she noticed, the need was already pretty urgent. So she reluctantly turned away from the doll in her hands, and put a clumsy hand on the floor to help her stand up. As she turned, she saw all the other toys that she’d been having so much fun with, and wondered briefly if they would miss her. She needed to let them know she would be back soon; she just wanted to impress Daddy by showing that she could go potty by herself, and then she could be a little bit bigger and have even more fun. Maybe the train could come with her, she thought. Trains go quicker than people. So she started pushing the little plastic thing across the floor towards the door. But it might have to toot to let people know there was a train coming, just in case anybody needed to get out of the way. That was fun, so she kept on making train toot noises until it came up to one of the dolls, who jumped aside at the last second. Tess laughed, and then searched for one of the other toys that might be used as a first aid kit, just in case the doll was injured from his near miss. There wasn’t any doctor stuff here, and Tess couldn’t remember if there was any upstairs either. But that didn’t matter, because by then something else was grabbing her attention, and she wasn’t even sure why she had wanted it. A couple of minutes passed, while Tess kept on turning around, trying to play with everything at the same time, because they were all so exciting. It was only when she shifted position and sat up a little straighter that the feeling in her tummy came back. She needed to go pee, and she needed to go really bad. She had tried before, but just got distracted again. But she knew she was a big girl; and she knew she had to prove that to Daddy before she could ask to grow up some more. She just needed to hurry up, while she could still hold it. She got to her feet, steadied herself by holding the arm of the couch, and took one wobbly step after another. But the more she moved, the more she needed to pee. And when she tried pressing her legs together to help her hold it, the bulk of the diaper got in the way again. She lost her balance, just like a real baby, and her padded bum saved her from hitting the floor hard, just as she found that she couldn’t hold it anymore. The diaper started getting hot and wet, and all Tess could do was hope that Daddy didn’t notice. -
YOU are making me UBER JEALOUS! I'd trade places in a heartbeat! -
I think her talent was so strong that it would be recognized on it's own. Coat of Many Colors is one of my favorite stories sung to song. Jolene is such a good song. On other, her character blew that all away. I think I'm a pretty decent person, but I wish i could be as good as she was. I don't have her platform, but even if I did, I don't I would have done what she did with it. She truly one of the saints. -
When is the next event? I'd be interested in attending. How many folks attend on average? -
There is a bunch of free stuff on birthdays in Cape Town. I also did the Cable Car, but there was an hour of wind at the top of the mountain meaning the ride up had to wait an hour, and I got up the mountain with only 10 minutes before my cab was booked. So I got a bunch of pictures but not one from the top of the mountain.
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