Diaper References

She smiles at it

"A man that makes sure she doesn't go where she's not allowed 

Chapter Three Sabrina woke alone, roused by the savory smells of pasta and meatballs.  With a groan, she climbed from the bed and made her way to the kitchen where Faith was cooking dinner.  The living room was empty, the television quiet. "Good morning, Sunshine," Faith greeted her before dumping the strained spaghetti noodles into the pasta sauce.  "Grab a bowl, they're in that cabinet.  Do you eat meat?" "Yeah?  You don't?" "Oh I do and Lila does, but Kinsley is vegetarian.  She doesn't like the idea of being responsible for animal suffering, you know how it is.  So the meatballs are over there.  The pasta is vegetarian, but it doesn't mean we have to keep it that way for ourselves." "Does that make her uncomfortable?"  The plates and bowls in the cabinet were a calamity of mismatched strangeness, chipped bowls and a mix of fine-looking china plates and ceramics from Wal-Mart.  The spaghetti smelled good, with a strange spice hiding under the tomato and onion. "Lila said that it used to.  Those pajamas look cute on you by the way.  Here, will you carry Kinsley's bowl and I'll take Lila's?  We usually eat upstairs." Dinner was a calm affair.  The strangest thing was that Sabrina felt like she instantly fit in.  The conversation was casual, there were no probing questions.  Kinsley didn't say anything about checking into her, and no one said a word about Lila's visiting her bed.  The mood was light and they explained their in-jokes with kindness.  It was obvious that the three of them had been friends for quite a while, they almost had their own dialect. But Sabrina wanted to know.  "So how long have you been friends?" It was Kinsley who answered with a smile, placing a gentle hand on Lila's.  "We've been friends for eight years now.  Faith has been living with us for four." "She was one of our early dolls.  We just kept her," Lila chimed in with a giggle.  She shot a knowing look to Faith, who grinned in return. "We've helped a lot of dolls, more women than men but we're equal opportunity.  People just find us.  I did.  You did."  It was Faith's turn to lay a gentle hand on Sabrina's.  "You're safe here.  We'll help you.  It's what we do." "But why?" "Because," Kinsley smiled, sitting up straight and pushing her chair back.  "Someone helped each of us when we needed it, and every now and again you find a treasure.  Something worth keeping.  Thanks for dinner, Faith.  And thanks for cleaning up, Sabrina.  I've got charts to watch, the markets close soon.  Lila, don't forget you have to do your chores." "I know."  Lila's sigh was that of a petulant teenager and discomfort swept through Sabrina - they were dressed the same.  Faith rose from the table and headed downstairs and Kinsley wheeled back over to her array of blinking screens, leaving the other two essentially alone. "Do you need help?" Sabrina offered.  Better to be more of an older sister in this situation than an immature equal.  "I don't mind.  What do you need to do?"  Her tone was undoubtedly that of a superior talking to a younger person, and Lila's face clouded in response, her eyebrows drawing together and her lips pursed in annoyance. "I'm not some kid."  Lila crossed her arms over her chest, her bottom lip poking out in a decidedly not-mature fashion.  "I can handle it, I've been doing my chores long before you came around, Bree.  Don't think you can come in here and treat me like a child." Sabrina bit her tongue quite literally, suppressing the urge to snap at the brat - she had been quite clear about her nickname preference but she knew it would be deeply unwise to antagonize her host, especially on her very first day.  She needed their help, so she'd take the abuse. "I'm sorry, I don't think you're a kid.  I just thought you might like some help, since I'm here.  I'm really sorry I upset you." "It's fine," Lila sighed.  "Just don't, okay?  You're on dishes, I've got to go do the vacuuming." The dishes weren't hard, it seemed like the "dolls" kept a relatively clean house, despite the crumbling exterior.  They were definitely an interesting bunch.  Sabrina was invited to sit on the couch with Faith, watching Lila play her video game.  Kinsley joined shortly thereafter and the four of them just hung out.  It seemed odd to have their group social activity be watching only one person play a game, but it was quite enjoyable.  There was a lazy camaraderie between the three keepers of the dollhouse, and Sabrina found herself comfortable, surprisingly quickly. The video game gave way to watching television, and the laughter lasted well into the night.  Sabrina's heart ached at how easily their friendship came, but there was a scratch at the back of her brain, a warning, a fear.  That they would turn out like so many of her other friends, that they would be shallow, that some small thing would turn them against her.  Over something that should have been trivial, over something that a friend in some TV show or in the movies would laugh off. That betrayal was inevitable. And that feeling created an invisible wall between them.  Sabrina's mind continually turned back to the moment of defensive irritation that Lila had snapped at her in.  It was very much a surprise to her when the small girl woke her up again in the night, wrapping her arms tightly around Sabrina, a soft nose nuzzling the back of her neck. The night had been comfortable, but she had maintained her distance.  TV had given way to some light drinking and Lila had lightened up once the boxed wine had begun to flow, but there was still a tension there.  Sabrina certainly hadn't expected her to crawl into bed again. The cuddling was undoubtedly comforting, however. She was disappointed when she awoke alone the next morning.  Lila had left at some point during the night.  With a fuzzy tongue, she rose and showered.  She returned to Emmie's room hoping to find her clothes laundered, but there was only another pair of pajamas waiting.  With a shrug, she donned them and made her way to discuss her living situation with Kinsley. "Let's work on your resume."  Kinsley was chipper and up early, despite their late night.  A stuffed teddy bear smiled at her from the desk next to the woman's keyboard, a stark contrast to the intimidating data stream that sped by. Kinsley was a wizard on the computer, her fingers flying across the keys with a loud click-clack, a loudness Sabrina was entirely unused to coming from a keyboard.  Within half an hour, her life and experience was on the screen in a pretty font with splashes of color.  It looked good, professional.  She smiled in awe at the tall pastel-clad woman.  She was in a pair of jeans and a tie-died tank top this morning, an entirely different set of rings on her fingers, each digit encircled in silver, small gems, and fairies.  Similarly, a pair of fairies dangled from her ear lobes, waving their wands and surely providing the magic that seemed to surround Kinsley. Sabrina blushed at the thought.  It was far too soon to begin courting anyone, let alone a person who was providing her shelter. Her blush turned from one of simple embarrassment to shame as she looked over her work experience laid bare on the screen.  It was dismal.  Fast food and factory jobs.  Unskilled labor.  Her mother had told her to go off to Charlotte for college, but that was before she came out.  When everything started falling apart. "Hey, hey.  It's okay."  Kinsley lifted her fallen chin with a gentle finger, causing the shorter Sabrina to stare up at the woman.  "Everything's okay." "My resume is pathetic.  What am I doing?" "Would you say you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, cutie?" Another blush.  Sabrina was beginning to feel a little lightheaded. "No, definitely not." "Do you feel you really got a fair shot at things, or were you struggling to survive?  Papa paid for college, right?  You told us some of your story last night.  Honey, you haven't had an easy time of it.  So what if you're starting from the bottom.  It don't mean you can't climb to the top.  It's Friday, you just take it easy, tidy up around the house some, clean up the empties from last night.  Faith is going to bring you some applications for you to fill out today, okay?" "I'm headed out!" Faith's shout came from the bottom of the stairs.  "Short gig today, just portraits on site.  Sabrina can fix lunch for Lila, right?" "I'm sure she wouldn't mind that."  Kinsley answered, standing and talking right over the top of Sabrina's head.  "Pick up some apps for her, will you?  Usual places." "Sure thing!" "There, see?"  Kinsley smiled down, towering above Sabrina's sitting form.  "Easy peasy.  You just relax, maybe play a game with Lila after you're done cleaning.  Take good care of her, okay?  Can you do that for me?" "No problem." The empties were easy, just a few beer bottles and the wine box.  The way that some things were top of the line expensive and other things were the cheapest they could possibly be was baffling, but interesting.  The three of them were such an eclectic collection.  Sabrina felt the closest to Kinsley, then Faith, then Lila... despite the fact that she had been the closest physically to Lila.  Her dreams had been filled with the girl, following her, hugging her, sharing a juice box of all things.  And after a long hug following the shared drink, Dream-Lila had whispered in her ear:  I think I want to keep you. Lunch was easy as well, Lila wanted peanut butter and jelly - but it had to be cut into four triangles.  It was an easy enough request to fulfill.  She made Kinsley's requested salad as well, and had everything tidied and done by early afternoon, the floor in the kitchen swept and the microwave cleaned.  She sat down on the couch with the pajama'd Lila and watched her wander about some barren wasteland, shooting giant scorpions and zombies with a sniper rifle.  It wasn't the same game as yesterday, that one had seemed much more peaceful with a happy blue character jumping about and collecting flags. After a while, they were playing a racing game together, ridiculous cartoon animals driving equally silly cars around an absurdly complicated track with all manner of animated obstacles.  Faith came home with several heavy looking black cases that she carried into her room, which was down the hall from the room Sabrina was staying in, and joined them in their wacky race.  Joy and laughter abounded, that easy camaraderie returning, with Sabrina feeling closer to both women.  Kinsley also joined in for a bit, the screen split into quadrants for each of their bizarre vehicles. Pizza was delivered, and the games and fun extended through the evening and into the night, Sabrina's worries forgotten in the friendly energy.  It felt like she had found an oasis in a dark world, a shining jewel of love and acceptance that she had never believed possible, safe with her new and unlikely friends. Before Sabrina retired to bed, well after midnight, Faith gave her a stack of papers - job applications - which the shorter woman vowed to fill out the following day.  Faith, with her shockingly bright red hair, was all smiles and warmth, encouragement and friendship.  Despite the sobering moment of holding the papers, Sabrina went to bed with a smile. There were no Lila cuddles that night.  The bed was empty when Sabrina woke in the middle of the night, alone.  The house was eerily quiet with the glow of the television gone.  Lila's door was open, the cat snuggled up to the smaller girl, who was hugging a stuffed horse and slumbering soundly.  Sabrina was surprised by the disappointment she felt, by the loneliness that gripped her heart as she returned to the bed in Emmie's room. She knew it was unrealistic to expect the relative stranger to visit her bed again, but it was undeniably nice to have the warmth of another body near her while she rested, and sleep did not come as easily that night.

I'm this many (3-1/2) and don't need a bra--only diapers.

I think I was around 12 or 13 because my little sister had to have been around 4 or 5. Now, to preface, I had a weird attraction to diapers and baby stuff going into this. My older half brother was a bedwetter but he bullied me too. I think that disconnect caused something to misfire in my lovemap that diapers weren't for babies, in fact they were for people bigger and stronger than myself, because I remember being curious as young as 4 or 5, but never acted on it due to a perceived inherent wrongness. Anyway, when I was 12 my mom deemed me old enough to stay home alone, but not babysit my sister. So she would leave me home alone and either take my sister with her to work or to our grandparents during the summer of '02. Well, being left alone and knowing when I'd be able to expect mom home because she had her schedule on the fridge, curiosity led to bravery. I sneaked into my sisters bedroom and tried on her pull-ups and sort of fell in love. I also discovered that I was a girl around that time and began cross dressing. Typical trans kid stories, you know, steal clothes from your parent and act dumb when they mention how they can't find certain things. So that summer I got to spend a few hours most days as either a little girl playing with my sisters toys in her room and filching pull-ups along the way or being a big girl during the day and just doing what my adolescent brain imagined girl stuff was. It's funny, because I watched so much bad TV so dutifully because this is what girls watch, lol. I forget if I started wearing them before wearing to bed, or if I reasoned myself into that first and started playing baby after. I definitely remember that if I ever got caught I would lie and tell my mom I'd started wetting the bed during the divorce from my at the time step dad but didn't want to tell her because she'd asked me to step up with a lot of adult responsibilities. It was pretty emotionally manipulative looking back, but kids are jerks. Anyway, it continued from there even if normal wearing declined once my sister stopped bedwetting the interest never did. Pretty sure I bought a pack of girls 4t pull ups with the first paycheck from my first job and it's been part of my life since.