I decided to post this because I have struggled with depression for over 10 years. I have learned it's beneficial to share with others who may be dealing with similar issues.
I was recently admitted to the local psych ward because I was so suicidal, I actually had the desire, ideaation, and will power to end my life while completely sober. My struggle has never been that intense and whatever barriers I used momentarily failed me during a 3 hour long trip alone from a work conference. I was institutionalize once before after making an attempt on my life about 9 years ago. It was then where I learned there were resources for help. I have been on and off antidepressants since my first institutionalization.
It's has become incredibly frustrating for me. I'm highly educated, have a good job, great family, friends, and support. However, I cannot shake this mood disorder and I am scared it's going to start affecting my normal day-to-day life. If that happens, it could be catastrophic.
There is nothing I can blame, work on, strive toward, etc to help me feel better. Instead, I have become indifferent to life in general and that scares me. I have a great wife, 3 kids with one child on the way that desperately need me. I'm currently in counseling and under the care of a psychiatrist, but decided to post this to help others as well as myself.