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  1. Critiques and Writer's Discussion

    For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.

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    Area for Finished Stories. Message Elfy to have your story moved here.

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    For Pictures, Comics and Anything Else Artistic.

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    For any story that uses AI in any significant fashion. See rules inside if you have used AI to decide if your story belongs here.

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  1. Criticism and Stories

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  2. Stumbling In 1 2

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  3. A day at the mall 1 2 3

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  • Posts

    • What's more concerning is the fact that McDonalds food does not decompose even after being left out for months or years.  
    • Maddison and Ana had similar tastes; they were tomboys who loved action and horror movies. Maddison suggested, "You guys are going to dress up, right, Mom?" Ana replied, "For sure." Maddison then proposed, "Why don't we go as a pair—you and me, and Camilla and Alice?" Ana paused to think, and Maddison added, "Look, we could go as the Winchester brothers"—hitting on Ana's weak spot. ================================== Emilly couldn't believe what had just happened, but she was happy she’d called Alice a liar without getting a scolding. Just as Mom said she’d be back in fifteen minutes, Emilly felt a cramp—the suppository was fast-acting—and said, "Why did you do that? I don't want to wear the diaper." Alice was ready to step up and help the little one get used to wearing it. When the second cramp hit, there was no stopping it; the sticky mess rushed right into the diaper with a loud noise. To Emilly's horror, she sat right in the mess and said, "It can't be... You wanted me to do this."
    • @Crimson_Wolf I think you misunderstood what I meant about the Little Tikes basketball hoop. I absolutely understood that it was intended as a cruel gift. I wasn't suggesting the team innocently gave Paul something he'd enjoy. The cruelty is actually part of why the signatures caught my attention. They took something Paul genuinely loves and is actually good at—basketball—and reduced it to a toddler-sized version, then collectively signed the card accompanying it. To me, those signatures almost function like the team signing off on the identity and position they've assigned Paul: this is how we see you; this is where you belong. Going back through the early chapters actually strengthened that reading for me, because basketball belongs to Paul far more than I remembered. He's mocked by Marcus and the athletes while dribbling in gym, but outside that hierarchy we see him playing with Zach and Mitchell, practicing in the driveway, going to a Miami Heat game with Lilly, wearing his old Hornets uniform and Jordans, and spending hours shooting alone on his own court. In that last scene especially, basketball isn't humiliation at all. Every bounce makes him feel alive. He's competent, moving and himself.  There's even an early joke connecting basketball directly to Amber: Paul misses a shot while playing with Zach and Mitchell and they immediately tease him about whether he has a “shot” with Amber. So from very early on, basketball is tangled up with Paul, Amber, Marcus, masculinity, competence and social position. Marcus has the institutional side of basketball: the team, jacket, road trips, status and popularity. Paul genuinely loves the same sport but has increasingly been pushed outside that world. So giving Paul the Little Tikes hoop isn't merely “haha, you're a baby.” They're taking one of his genuine symbols of competence and shrinking it to the position they've decided he occupies. And that's why I noticed the other two signatures. The team signs the card accompanying Paul's toddler basketball hoop. Amber gives Marcus a signed, authenticated, game-worn Scottie Pippen shoe. And Paul gives Lilly adoption papers Paul himself has signed. Those signatures seem to do three very different things: The team's signatures endorse an identity imposed on Paul. Pippen's signature authenticates achievement and value. Paul's own signature expresses choice and agency. Other people sign something that tells Paul where they think he belongs; a famous athlete's signature authenticates something valuable; finally Paul puts his own name on a relationship he chooses. But I think the Pippen shoe tells us something else too, and this is probably the part of my original post I didn't explain well enough: it tells us something about Amber. Amber doesn't have the financial background Marcus and Paul have. Bryan has been helping pay for her education. So whatever obtaining an authenticated, game-worn Pippen shoe required of her, this isn't just a wealthy teenager casually buying another wealthy teenager an expensive toy. She thought about Marcus. She knows him well enough to find something he'd genuinely value and chose a gift specifically connected to basketball and who he is. And that makes me think about Paul. Amber clearly thinks about Paul too. She worries about him, regrets what she did, wants him to recover and hopes that someday they might recover some version of their friendship. But we haven't actually seen her reach out to him over Christmas. No text that we've been shown. No call. No gift from Amber that we know about. We do see Bryan bring Amber a Christmas present specifically described as being “from Lilly, Paul and me.” Amber's reaction is guilt, gratitude and “the ache of being included by people she had failed and still somehow not lost.” But we're never told what's inside or whether Paul personally chose it.  I don't interpret Amber's silence as meaning she doesn't care about Paul. I think she genuinely does. She may even be afraid that contacting him would be another way of putting what she wants ahead of what Paul needs. She's finally starting to understand that wanting his friendship back doesn't entitle her to it. But I'm fascinated by what happens if Paul eventually learns what Amber gave Marcus. I don't think his reaction would primarily be, Why didn't you spend that much money on me? Paul comes from Bryan's world. The dollar value isn't the interesting part. The potentially painful realization is: Amber remembered basketball. She understood exactly what kind of basketball object would mean something to Marcus. And basketball belongs to Paul's history too. Paul could sincerely think, Holy Batman, that's an amazing gift. Marcus must love it, while another part of him quietly wonders: Did she think about me on Christmas too? And the sad part is that we know she did. Paul doesn't necessarily know that. But there's another reason that particular gift has me paying attention: shoes, feet, standing, steps and position keep showing up in this story. Paul specifically has a relationship with sneakers. When he's reconnecting with basketball and himself on his court, @Frostybaby doesn't merely tell us he gets dressed—Paul laces up his Jordans.  Amber then gives Marcus not Jordan memorabilia, but Scottie Pippen's actual game-worn shoe—specifically described as scuffed, creased and used. Somebody actually stood, ran, balanced and competed in it. Then there's To Kill a Mockingbird. Amber plays Scout, Paul plays Jem, and Frosty specifically puts Amber's Scout barefoot. One of Atticus's central lessons to Scout is learning to understand another person by imaginatively occupying their position—essentially learning to stand where they stand. Meanwhile Marcus has repeatedly been obsessed with Paul's position. He wanted Paul humbled. He wanted someone to remind Paul where he stood. And now, as possible repair begins, Martina doesn't declare Marcus redeemed. She says he's taking “good first steps on a better path.” Steps. Path. Standing. Shoes. Bare feet. Position. Any one of those could be incidental. There are enough of them now that I'm watching the pattern. And then there's the specific Jordan/Pippen relationship. I'm not saying Frosty has written a literal code where Paul = Michael Jordan and Marcus = Scottie Pippen. But Paul repeatedly wears Jordans, while Amber independently chooses Pippen's game-worn shoe for Marcus. That's interesting. Jordan represents the transcendent superstar in basketball mythology—the dominant individual talent everybody recognizes. Pippen was also an elite Hall-of-Fame player, but his legacy represents something different: extraordinary talent capable of defending, facilitating, rebounding, sacrificing and being great alongside somebody else's greatness. And if Frosty is playing with that at all, Amber has unknowingly given Marcus almost exactly the lesson he needs: You don't have to make somebody else smaller in order to be great. You don't have to control everyone else's position to secure your own. You can support somebody else's success without becoming insignificant yourself. That's basically the opposite of Marcus's relationship with Paul. Paul's talent threatens him. Paul's history with Amber threatens him. Paul's acting success threatens him. Paul's basketball ability threatens the hierarchy. Marcus doesn't merely want to succeed; he repeatedly needs control over where Paul stands relative to him. Which makes Amber giving Marcus Pippen's shoe almost hilariously ironic. 😂 I don't think Amber consciously means, Here, asshole, learn some humility and teamwork. She genuinely thinks she's found an incredible gift for the man she loves. That's actually what makes the potential symbolism better. If Frosty intends it, the meaning exists beneath Amber's conscious intention. And then Marcus suddenly wants to help restore Paul at Bishop's Gate. This is where I'm considerably less generous toward Marcus than Amber is. 😂 I still think Marcus is a narcissistic asshole. I don't think learning the correct vocabulary about bullying, privacy, dignity and accountability proves he's dealt with the need for status and control underneath his behavior. Marcus can genuinely regret what happened and still manipulate the situation. Those aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, becoming the guy who “helps Paul” puts Marcus in an almost perfect position with Amber. Instead of being the obstacle between Amber and Paul, he becomes part of the solution. He writes the speech. He helps restore Paul. He demonstrates to Amber that he's becoming the future husband she desperately wants him to be. Marcus can perform the actions of a Pippen while still psychologically needing to be Jordan. He can help Paul while making himself the architect of Paul's restoration. He can defend Paul's dignity while controlling how Paul's story gets told. He can become the magnanimous hero who restores the boy he helped destroy. That's why the real test isn't whether Marcus gives a beautiful speech about respecting Paul's agency. The test is whether Marcus actually gives Paul agency. Show Paul the speech. Ask permission. Let Paul change it. Let him veto it completely. And if Paul says, No, you don't get to tell my story, Marcus accepts that without turning himself into either the hero or the victim. That's service without ownership. And that's where all these different pieces start connecting for me. The team signs something that tells Paul where they think he belongs. Paul eventually signs something that says what he chooses for himself. Marcus wants Paul shown where he stands. Amber plays Scout barefoot, learning the moral importance of understanding another person's position. Which is the crux of the gift of the zodiac medallion in and of itself. Paul wears Jordans while doing something that makes him feel capable and alive. Amber gives Marcus Pippen's shoe, belonging to a man whose greatness could exist beside someone else's greatness. Martina says Marcus is taking steps on a better path. And Amber increasingly has to confront whether she can someday stand beside Paul again while still imagining her future standing beside Marcus—not as Paul's romantic partner, but as the friend she once was and hopes she hasn't lost forever. Paul can crawl and still be moving forward. Marcus can stand tall and still be morally stuck. Amber can be barefoot while learning how to understand where somebody else stands. So maybe the question underneath all of this isn't actually where Paul stands. It's who gets to decide where Paul stands. And maybe the ultimate test for Marcus is even simpler: He spent so much of this story needing Paul beneath him. Can he learn to stand beside Paul without needing Paul to become smaller? Because Pippen's greatness wasn't diminished by Jordan's. Marcus still seems terrified that his will be diminished by Paul's.
    • I have seen them on Facebook ad's. At first i thought it was kids till i clicked on it.  But Bombas Adult Half Calf Sock 4-Pack Color: $78 I have never paid that much. 
    • When they got into the store Madison was put into the basket of the shopping cart and was comfortably wheeled in nice and warm under her blanket, "Well my little Alice is certainly a girly girl as you already know, so maybe a unicorn or princess or ballerina or maybe all three, only thing there have to be a mask involved and the costume does have to be pretty roomy down below." Ana said as they got to the costumes aisle. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Alice rolled her eyes before toddling to the door and called out, "Mommy, Emily gotty go boom boom, but she's having trouble." "HAY NO I DON'T." Emily shouted as she couldn't believe Alice had just said that. It didn't take long for Camilla to come upstairs, "Hay girls what's up?" Alice with a mischievous smile walked over and said, "mommy baby sis needs to go stinky but can't." "NO I DON'T SHE'S LYING." Emily yelled out but she was ignored as Camilla picked her up and carried her to the changing table. Emily tried to escape but the bigger woman was stronger and with quickly laid down on the changing table before being strapped in. "Don't worry my little fairy mommy will take care of that achy tummy of yours." It didn't take Camilla long to grab a suppository from under the changing table, undo Emily's diaper before putting the medicine up the little one's bottom before re-sealing the diaper.
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