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CHAPTER 1: SAFE Aino had calculated everything. There had been three interviews. Eleven days had passed between the first and second rounds, and only six between the second and third. In the final round, the interviewer had used the word "kind of" twenty-seven times. Aino had noticed this annoying speech mannerism in the second round and had decided in advance to count the repetitions in the final round. Mean? Kind of. Aino liked numbers. They were safe. On the other hand, safety was sometimes dangerous. She sat with HR Director Marjatta in a glass-walled conference room, trying to keep her thoughts together. In front of her lay a 17-page employment contract, every paragraph of which Aino had already read three times. She had found two typos and one inconsistency in the benefits arrangement, but hadn't said anything. That would have been "socially inappropriate," as her therapist had taught her. "Is everything in order with the contract, do you think?" Marjatta asked, smiling cloyingly. That smile was far too wide. Aino noticed that Marjatta's left eye twitched slightly—stress, probably. Or caffeine. Or both. "Yeah," Aino replied monotonously. A one-syllable answer was perfectly sufficient. She tried to keep her face neutral, but noticed her hands were restless. Her thumbs pressed into her palms—stimming that she couldn't stop. Aino hid her hands under the table and lifted her gaze. It was too hot. Her waistband was too tight, and the fluorescent light flickered at just the frequency that made Aino feel uncomfortable. A neurotypical person wouldn't have noticed anything out of the ordinary, but to Aino it felt like someone was flashing a flashlight at the edges of her visual field. Mask it. Smile. Nod. Aino nodded, even though she hadn't properly heard Marjatta's previous sentence. "...and then we have the six-month probationary period," Marjatta continued, the conversation having turned into a monologue. "But you certainly won't have any problems with that. Your expertise is at an exceptional level, and your motivation seems to be on point as well. Kind of, you're even..." Marjatta continued her stream of words, but Aino felt her concentration blurring. She pressed her thighs tightly together and tried to keep her expression calm. A familiar, threatening pressure built in her lower abdomen—the one that always appeared when she had concentrated for too long and forgotten to listen to her body. Aino had drunk a cup of tea before the interview because her throat had felt sore and she had been afraid of losing her voice. Bad idea, she knew that now. Hold on for five more minutes. Then you can go to the bathroom. Finally, Marjatta extended a pen: "Here, sign these, and we'll be done." Aino took the pen. The ink smelled nauseating and nearly made bile rise in the young woman's throat. Aino didn't like the smell of ink. It always reminded her of the day when, at five years old, she had drawn mathematical formulas on the wallpaper because she'd run out of paper. Her mother had cried. Her father had been angry. Write your name. Then you can leave. Just as Aino was about to press the pen to the paper, the conference room door suddenly burst open. And there stood Juhani, the company's founder and CEO, in the doorway, looking enigmatic. Or rather, he wasn't standing—he was leaning against the doorframe as if he needed it to stay upright. His tie was askew, his collar open, and his eyes were red but cheerful. "Ahaa!" Juhani roared so loudly that Marjatta flinched. "New top talent! Mathematician! Numbers! Probabilities!" Aino froze. Her brain tried to process the situation, but Juhani's volume was like a wall collapsing on her without warning. "Juhani, we're in the middle of—" Marjatta began, a faint blush on her cheeks. "DON'T INTERRUPT," Juhani commanded decisively, staggering with unsteady steps toward the table. He slammed his hand on the tabletop and pretended to read the employment contract, standing uncomfortably close to Aino, who could smell the alcohol on his breath. Whisky, probably. Or brandy. "You," Juhani addressed Aino from close range, pointing at her aggressively with a trembling index finger. "You. Calculate this: What's the probability that I could replace the entire department with alpacas?" Aino stared at him. Her brain desperately tried to answer. It was mathematically possible to calculate—the maintenance costs of alpacas, their productivity in an office environment, manure management, employee allergies... "Why alpacas?" Aino asked, because she suspected that the CEO wasn't expecting an actual numerical value between zero and one. Juhani laughed so hard he had to grab the table with both hands for support. "WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE SOFT AND FUNNY-LOOKING!" He swung his arm and accidentally knocked over Aino's water glass. Water spread across the table, and Aino didn't have time to react. The liquid soaked the employment contract, turning the bottom left quarter of the paper into something close to pulp. "There you have a vision," Juhani continued as if he hadn't noticed what happened at all. "An alpaca campaign! 'Live softly—invest in us!' It's brilliant! Isn't it?" The CEO leaned closer to Aino again. Up close, she could see the glassy surface of his eyes, the red veins, the breadcrumb caught in his mustache. And then it happened. The pressure Aino had been holding in throughout the entire interview released suddenly. Her body simply gave in—because Juhani's voice was like a power drill, because the fluorescent lights were flickering, because everything was too much. Aino wet herself in front of two executives, and she had no ability to stop the flow of pee. The warmth spread slowly beneath her black skirt, making Aino blush. However, the fabric-covered tape diaper absorbed the liquid quickly, and Aino soon felt that the diaper contained the entire accident completely. No one could see it. No one could know. But Aino knew. ****** Home Door locked, curtains drawn, the rest of the world firmly shut out. Aino stood in the hallway, shoes still on, rain-soaked coat still on. The bus had been crowded; at its worst, fourteen passengers had been forced to stand. Aino had been one of them, though she preferred standing—the ride was more manageable when she had to focus on staying upright. She could still hear Juhani's boisterous shouts in her ears and see Marjatta's too-wide smile on her retinas. Alpacas, of all things... Aino silently stripped all her clothes off onto the floor. Coat, blouse, skirt, tights, bra, and socks. They were all her enemies—they itched and squeezed. Soon Aino was wearing only the wet diaper she had soiled during the decisive job interview. The girl walked calmly to the bedroom, collapsed onto the bed, and pulled the duvet over herself. Aino hid her entire body under the thick blanket, like a snail retreating into its shell. After a moment of calming down, she reached for the nightstand and found her most beloved stuffed animal. It was a bunny she had received from her grandfather at age four. The bunny was worn, one ear drooping, but Aino loved it more than anything else in the world. She pulled the bunny into her arms and then opened the nightstand drawer. After a moment of searching, her fingers found a pink pacifier attached to a pacifier chain decorated with beads and rhinestones. Aino pushed the pacifier into her mouth, took a comfortable position in her blanket fort, and began to suck calmly. Aino closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against the bunny's soft fur. Under the blanket, it was dark and safe. In the darkness, there were no sounds. No lights. No expectations. In the darkness, she was allowed to be little. Aino sucked the pacifier slowly and steadily. Her body began to relax; the tension in her shoulders released, and her clenched fists opened. Aino thought about the employment contract, the new job, the new people. Seventeen pages. Words she hadn't bothered to count. But here, under the blanket, there were no numbers. There was only her, Little Aino. The girl felt her wet diaper with her hand, smiled somewhat contentedly, and closed her eyes. And so the world went silent. ******* At the same time, on the other side of the city, a charismatic marketing director named Elisa sat in her office staring at a copy of the employment contract. A new employee. A mathematical genius. Elisa smiled to herself. "See you tomorrow, Aino," she whispered. But Aino didn't hear it, of course not. She slept under the blanket, protected by her diaper, bunny in her arms, pacifier in her mouth. Safe. -
By DiaperDev2 · Posted
Thanks. I’m happy my perspective is useful to you. 1. I cannot truly say how long it took. I’ve been playing with diapers and using them for fifteen years now. During sleep I have worn them on and off (meaning not consistently or consecutively) for ten years. At first I would wake up and be too excited to pee. Years later I would be able to pee after really pushing. And only in the last year or two can wet more easily whilst I lay down. from my perspective it comes down to mind-muscle control. If you can find the muscle and relax it, then finding it in a different position becomes easier too. I cannot tell you how or when that happened. Because I wasn’t purposely looking for it, it just became easy over the years 2. I am definitely concerned! Just this Sunday my wife and I were exhausted and we decided to take a nap. She diapered me before we went to sleep just to make sure we didn’t ruin the couch. She’s not too happy I might have lost control, but does support me getting the control back. what makes you hesitate to try to wet the bed? I presume a problem is not being able to wet when lying down? I sometimes find it easier to prop a leg into a figure four position, or a half frog? It just releases some tension on my hips somehow -
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