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    • 43. My Triumph Tess was clattering down the stairs, a little louder than usual. “Think the hypnosis thing worked?” I whispered to Ffrances. “Maybe. Doubt she’ll tell us either way. But when she asks again, I think the tone–” Her response went quiet and she focused entirely on her breakfast as the noisy footsteps stopped and we knew Tess was right outside the door. She was practically dancing when she came in, showing off what anybody in their right mind would call a childlike grin. I knew that she had to be in her little headspace now, so it had gone even better than I had hoped. I’d had a few thoughts about this; wondering how far she would go. Ffrances had told me the suggestions, that Tess would feel a little younger whenever she was triggered to wet the bed. And there was another suggestion from Saturday as well, that she would be bothered less by people treating her like a child, and would find it easier to accept what they said. That was supposed to happen whenever she did something childish; and I’d been pretty confident that a wet diaper would qualify. “Morning sunshine!” I called out, and she did a little pirouette on the spot, turning to face me. I asked her about breakfast, and she answered quickly. She didn’t say anything about me calling her a baby until after she had continued her rotation and was heading towards the back door again. And even then, she muttered a response with a little giggle in her voice. It was a perfunctory correction, with no trace of anger. My baby was starting to accept her littleness, and I knew that if that continued she would be firmly on the path to full regression before the end of the year. She dashed straight out to the garden, while I was still putting her breakfast together. Ffrances glanced out in confusion, but it didn’t take me long to realise where Tess was going. “Looks like it worked well,” I said. “She’s taking a trash bag out. Doesn’t want wet diapers staying in her bin too long. I bet she’s imagining that if she hides the evidence, we wouldn’t remember that she asked to be little this morning.” “She doesn’t remember,” Ffrances corrected me. “She feels like a child waking up wet, a little embarrassed but not upset. She won’t realise that we were responsible, because that would diminish the fantasy she’s trying to live out. She could choose to remember later if she wants to, but not while she’s still little.” “Yeah,” I nodded, and tried to fix that in my memory. I already knew that Tess wouldn’t remember being triggered, but I was glad to see that it seemed to be working as intended. “Well, we should–” “Somebody’s cheerful today,” Ffrances interrupted, just as Tess came back inside again. The baby quickly explained that she was happy because she’d slept well; and that gave me a perfect excuse to ask if that meant she’d wet the bed. “No I didn’t!” she snapped, showing just a tiny trace of her usual hostility. “I’m a big girl. How did you know?” “That would explain taking the trash out first thing in the morning,” I gave her the most obvious answer. And then, seeing that she was getting embarrassed again, I did my best to reassure her: “You don’t need to lie to us. You’ll be a big girl soon, I promise. But until then, you know we’ll help you out any time you need it. A little baby needs to tell us the truth, and it’ll be so much easier for everyone. Understand?” “Yeah. But I’m not a baby.” I put her breakfast out in front of her, and as soon as she looked down there was no further complaint. Ffrances explained that I was only teasing, and asked if Tess was comfortable with that, but she didn’t get an answer. The little one’s attention was completely occupied by a couple of fried slices, and I assumed that was as good as approval. I tried to offer Tess a ride to school when she came down again with her book bag, but she was already dashing off to the bus stop. I gave a shrug, and stopped to talk to Ffrances for a few minutes. I would be giving my girlfriend a lift to work today, so I would practically be driving to Raybridge anyhow. But I could respect that Tess was starting to realise how far into her headspace she had gone, and it was understandable for her to be a little embarrassed about it. She would come around in time, so I knew I could give her some time to herself. “So, think she’s enjoying herself?” I asked on the drive down. I gestured towards a school bus down a side street; all the stops meant that they would take a lot longer than us to cover the same distance, and it might even have been Tess’s bus still wending its circuitous route to the school gates. Whether it was her or not, I was glad to know she was taking responsibility for getting herself where she needed to be. As much as I would have liked my cousin to be a full time toddler, I knew that the school would never allow her to just disappear on them. She would have to alternate between being mature enough for education, and little enough to enjoy her regression. “I guess so. She had the courage to ask last night, and she was smiling. I won’t say it again this week, I think. And if she asks you, I’d recommend a maximum of one more accident. Don’t want to overdo it. And when she’s had a week to process it, and to try to understand all her own feelings, I’ll probably ask if she’s satisfied with the suggestions. If she gets the things she expected out of it.” “I hope she’s enjoying it. It seems a bit weird, I don’t really understand why somebody would want that. But somehow, I’m glad she does. I’m so happy that she found something that works for her.” Ffrances was happy. She wouldn’t talk about this again until the following weekend, so I knew what I would need to say to Tess before then. And Tess was content, finally starting to accept the changes that were starting in her mind, ready to go back to the sweet little girl I’d had so much fun with. The only blot on the landscape was in my office, and I started to worry more as I got closer. Sooner or later, I would have to confront the fact that I’d printed a document without meaning to. I would have to work out how that could have happened, and learn how to avoid it in future. And I would have to find some way to determine if anybody else in the office had seen those pages. It was a terrifying task, but someone had to do it. And right now, the pool of someones I would have trusted was myself alone. This would be the least fun part of my week.
    • Yeah… I live Ffrances. Gabby should stop underestimating her. But as I post this, I'm realising that I was struggling with my memory when I wrote it; and there's a lot of continuity issues I'm not sure how to fix. 48. A Different Day Tess grumbled wordlessly, slightly muffled by the side of her face pressed against her pillow. Her alarm was sounding quietly, and she reached over to slap blindly until it went quiet. She wasn’t  tired this morning, she felt like she had slept well, but she could still have done with another few minutes before she had to face the world. She might have considered closing her eyes again, to rest a few minutes before the alarm on her phone demanded that she get up. But in rolling over to turn the alarm off, something had already seized her attention. She stood up, and the weight confirmed her first guess. She tore off the sides of the soaked diaper and threw it in the top of the bin. There was already some trash in there, she hadn’t emptied it in a few days, so she decided it would be fine to empty it and take it out of the room before school. She didn’t want her bedroom to smell of pee when she got back tonight; or if Gabby thought to stick her head in at some point before then. Tess blushed when she thought about having another accident. She couldn’t believe it had happened, even after she’d decided to use the hypnosis thing. She’d wanted to try it, knowing there was a chance she would have an accident if she was so tired; but after getting her evening bottle from the fridge she’d completely forgotten to ask the adults to say the words. It was hard to believe she’d made such a silly mistake. But she was a big girl, and the adults didn’t need to know what had happened. She got the baby wipes out from the changing table, cleaned herself up pretty quickly, and still found time to give the purple and blue ferrets in her bed a quick snuggle before her phone reminded her that she should have been getting up. She quickly fumbled her way into her clothes, silenced the alarm, and rushed down to the kitchen. “Morning sunshine!” Gabby called out as she breezed through. The tantalising scent of frying bacon tried to distract Tess, but she already had a mission and she was determined to take her trash out before anybody could discover why. She quickly dumped the bag in the big bin in the corner of the garden, and came back in just as her breakfast was ready. “Somebody’s cheerful today,” Ffrances greeted her, tucking into what seemed to be a load of mushrooms in some sauce on toast. “Did something good happen?” “No, just slept well. That’s a good thing.” “That’s good, baby,” Gabby agreed. “Did you have an accident while you were sleeping so deeply?” “No!” Tess snapped, pouting at the adult with a sudden flash of anger that went away as soon as it had started. “No I didn’t, I’m a big girl. How did you know?” “Well, that would explain taking the trash out first thing in the morning. Don’t worry, you don’t need to lie to us. You’ll be a big girl soon, I promise. But until then, you know we’ll help you out any time you need it. A little baby needs to tell us the truth, and it’ll be so much easier for everyone. Understand?” “Yeah,” Tess nodded reluctantly. She wanted to argue, to protest that she was still a grown-up, but she couldn’t see a flaw in Gabby’s logic. There was only one thing she could really say: “But I’m not a baby.” “We know,” said Ffrances. “She’s only teasing you. Is that okay?” Tess nodded, and then as soon as she started to wolf down her breakfast, everything else was forgotten. A few minutes later she was racing back to her room to gather all her stuff, making sure she had the score for this morning’s music lesson, and running out of the front door just in time to catch the bus. She had her phone in her hand, and friends on Clatter were quick to reassure her when she said her cousin was treating her like a little kid again. But she did have the presence of mind not to tell anyone why. The ride to school was as boring as always, and the classes swung between fun and interminable. Kim was a little ray of sunshine, laughing about everything and being overly cheerful, just like most of the previous week. Liz seemed down, but didn’t want to talk about her problems. Chloe said ‘insubstantial’ when she meant ‘institutional’ in a history class, and most of their friends spent the rest of the day taking any excuse to use the words in place of each other. All in all, it was just another typical day. Tess would have liked to speak to Spike again, although she wasn’t sure what she would have said. The opportunity hadn’t come up; they didn’t run into each other, and she didn’t think she had an excuse to go looking for him when she didn’t really have anything to say. Still, she was hoping that she would see him when she stood by the gates, watching the stream of local residents walking out. And she hoped that he might be waiting for her when she got to the stop for her own bus, or perhaps talking to one of his other friends somewhere in between. She was out of luck today, but she knew that wouldn’t be such a big deal. He would still be there tomorrow, and she could send him a message if she ever needed him. His family was hostile at times, sure, but Spike knew how to keep himself safe. It was just by chance that their paths hadn’t crossed today. Dinner was chicken and fried noodles. It was almost ready by the time Tess got in, so she had to rush up to her room and change quickly before coming down. She stopped for just a couple of seconds to yell at Gabby for calling her a baby, and tried to think of something she could say about the weekend’s events. But after Gabby apologised, there was really nothing more she could say without becoming the bully. They started to eat in silence, but it wasn’t long before a lively conversation started. They mostly talked about some rumour that Gabby had heard at work that day. It could have been something related to the work of Maurice Kernigan, whom Ffrances was a big fan of. And she had no end of guesses about what it might mean, even if she found it hard to articulate most of them in a way two outsiders could understand. The conversation carried on pretty late, nearly an hour after dinner. They would probably have continued all evening, perhaps talking over another of the terrible 80s movies based on Kernigan’s work, but Ffrances glanced at her watch and announced that she had to go. She had something work related in the morning, she said, and needed to pick up some books from home on the way. Tess and Gabby waved goodbye, and then Tess found it was probably the right time to retreat to her room and practice for the next music lesson. It was close to midnight before she looked at the time. She’d gotten carried away with just one class, and there was still other homework she needed. But she reasoned that she could do that easily later in the week. She would get her flask from the fridge, and then spend twenty minutes rushing a book report before heading to bed. So she gathered up a small stack of coffee cups, which indicated that she had been drinking a lot more than she realised during her practice, and went down to the kitchen. “Doing well?” Gabby asked from the lounge, pausing whatever she had been watching on TV. “I heard you playing. You’ll have to give us a proper performance some day, without all the doors in the way.” “Yeah, I think I got it. Just need to get the rest of my homework done now. Lit will only take half an hour, and I can do most of the maths tomorrow.” “Okay. But don’t stay up too late. I think it might help you if you make your sleep cycle a bit more regular.” “I know. You’re not my mum, you know? And I’m trying. I just…” “I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset you. I just worry. I know I had problems at your age that would have been very different with someone there who could understand. I want to be there so you have somebody you can turn to, regardless of what the problem is. I’ll always try to understand, and I hope you can see that. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.” “Well…” the thought crossed Tess’s mind. “Did Ffrances tell you what I asked her to do, with the hypnosis thing? I was going to ask her to do something last night, to see if it helps, but I guess I got distracted and you two were in bed before I knew it.” “She said you’d asked for help, but not much detail. There’s a trigger phrase, isn’t there? Something that has to be said by someone you trust.” “Yeah. If she tells me that I’m not going to… to have that problem, then I won’t. I don’t know if you saying it would work the same. But if she said it’s someone I trust, maybe it will. Think it’s worth testing?” “I’m happy to give it a try. Anything to help you be comfortable. And I hope that before long, you won’t even need it.” “Please?” Tess felt like she was begging, even though Gabby had just offered. It was probably one of the most difficult decisions of her life, but she knew that if it worked, she would worry a lot less in future. “Okay, you are not going to wet your bed tonight. Is that it?” “I think…” Tess mumbled, and then she was blushing too much to speak. She didn’t want to even admit that had happened, let alone have her cousin saying those words to her any time she felt like it could be a possibility. But she had to make sure it was right if she was going to have any hope of ending this problem. “I think you have to say I’m not going to… to have an accident. That’s the words she used when we were talking about it. I don’t know if the exact words matter or not.” “Okay. You’re not going to have an accident tonight. Do I need to say your name, leave no doubt who I’m talking to? Tess, you won’t have an accident while you sleep tonight. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? I can say that any time you feel like it would be a good idea. Just don’t start relying on it every day, if I understand correctly.” “Right.” “Then you can get your drink. Your parents are supposed to be calling soon, and after them I have to speak to a client who’s ten hours away around the world. I’ll see you in the morning, but you need your beauty sleep.” “Right,” Tess nodded, and took her flask of tea from the fridge. She was confident that her problem was over now; she’d found a way to fix it all by herself, she’d made sure it happened, and that was more important than anything else. She was going to be a big girl now.
    • When I wear Goodnite sizes XL or XXL I stretch they out some before I slid them on. Another AB/DL guy I meet before told me about doing it and it helped them not to rip.
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