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  1. Critiques and Writer's Discussion

    For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.

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    Area for Finished Stories. Message Elfy to have your story moved here.

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    For any story that uses AI in any significant fashion. See rules inside if you have used AI to decide if your story belongs here.

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  1. Criticism and Stories

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  2. From College to Crib 1 2 3 4 6

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    • Jamie goes on Tour By Kenk7us Jamie had just turned 18 on April 15th and was finally free to pursue her dreams. She had spent the last 6 months in foster care, since her grandfather died. She was pretty well set with Granddads, insurance money and the selling of his driving range. Jamie's Granddad was a Golf Professional, and she had been practicing and playing golf since she was 3yrs old. Now Jamie was turning professional and joining the futures tour. She was short on power for the game at barely 5 feet tall and not quiet 90 pounds, she had been working out to gain more strength, besides her short game (chipping and putting) was the best part of her game! The cab turned down country club lane and the driver said "almost there miss just a couple more minutes" as they arrived at the club parking lot he unloaded her suitcases and clubs, she paid him and he handed her a card and said call and ask for him when she was ready to go to the motel! Jamie spotted a tent that said sign in; it was Saturday at noon, qualifying for the tournament was on Monday, although she was tired from   The trip she wanted to hit some practice balls. She walked up to the desk and said, "hi I am Jamie Taylor I sent in my entry what do you need me to do, and I need to do some practicing." Fine sweetheart this will only take a minute. Where is your chaperone darling? "What!" Well young ladies you are not sighed up for member family housing, and you are under 21, the tour rules require all girls under 18 either stay with and be supervised by a member family, or have a chaperone! "But I don't have a chaperone! That's ok dear we still have one lady willing to take a girl in this week! "But I can't I won't I am and adult I don't need supervision! I am sorry dear the rule is the rule every since some unsupervised girls got into trouble; it all most killed this tour! If you won't stay in member housing you can't play on this tour! Jamie did not know what to say, she was in a panicky she couldn't stay in someone's house, a strangers house what about her bedwetting! CHAPTER TWO JAMIE GOES ON TOUR Jamie did not know what to do, all her dreams had centered on her playing this tour and going on to be a star on the LPGA (LADIES PROFESSIONAL GOLF ASS.) She had to think, what to do? If I don't play the Futures Tour I will never see the LPGA, but how can I stay in a stranger's house with my bedwetting problem? "Well says the lady at the desk, what's it going to be sweetheart? I guess member housing the defeated girl says holding her head down on her chin. The lady at the desk smiles, good I have already called her. Her name is Susan Johnson she is a widow, and lost her 16yr old daughter 2 years ago, she is also one of the better players at this club. "There she is now, Hi Susan this is Jamie! Jamie looks at the lady before her she must be at least 6ft tall long, blonde hair, she looks very strong and big, but not overweight she has magnificent build. Susan extends her hand and says how do you do young lady? I am fine thank you ma'am and you? I am great now that I have a girl to take care of for this week, I sighed up late, and got put on the waiting list. We are going to have great fun this week sweetie! Jamie sighs yes my ma'am, if I get through qualifying Monday; I need to go practice now. Have you eaten lunch yet young lady? No ma'am but," no butts young lady, first we go in the clubhouse and have lunch, then you can practice" Jamie nods her head and says yes ma,am! They go to the clubhouse and eat, and Jamie tells Mrs. Johnson about her life and her grandfather and her dream. After lunch Mrs. Johnson allows Jamie to go practice and tells her she will take Jamie's luggage back to the house and pick her up in a couple of hours. Jamie says she needs more than a couple hours, but Mrs. Johnson holds strong two hours young lady, you have had a long trip and you will need some rest! Two hours later Mrs. Johnson finds Jamie on the putting green, watches her for a while, then says, "its time to go Jamie" Jamie ask for just a little longer Mrs. Johnson walks over too the young girl and gently takes her hand, "when I say now young lady I mean now!   As they walk with Jamie's clubs toward the club bag room Jamie is red with embarrassment at having her hand held like a little girl. They give her clubs and golf shoes to the bagboy and head to the parking lot Jamie still being held by her hand. They arrive at the car and Jamie starts to get in the passengers side front seat, " no little girls don't ride in the front it's to dangerous you sit in the back" she opens the back seat and Jamie stares at the car seat waiting for her! "Get in your car seat honey so we can get home" Jamie stops still in her tracks," I am not riding in a baby oowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Jamie exclaims as Mrs. Johnson gives her to sharp smacks to her little behind! She then grabs Jamie under her armpits and lifts her into the seat. Jamie mean while reaches back to rub her instantly sore behind. Mrs. Johnson straps her in tight with the baby type harness. "Young lady you better learn to mind or you will get a lot worse than that before this week is over" Jamie quietly pouts in her car seat as Mrs. Johnson makes the short drive to her house. Jamie wonders to herself what have I got myself into I just want to play a golf tournament. JAMIE ON TOUR CHAPTER 3 They arrive at the house and Mrs. Johnson helps Jamie out of her car seat and out of the car, takes her by the hand and leads her into the house. Jamie says"Mrs Johnson are you trying to treat me like a baby, I could just leave you no" not and play in the golf tournament young lady, and quit calling me Mrs. Johnson from now on call me Aunt Susan!" Aunt Susan then leads Jamie to her room, Jamie freezes at the door. Before her she sees a large pink room with lots of baby toys and a crib and a changing table! " You don't expect me to sleep in here this room is a babies nursery" It was my daughters room, sweetheart , and if it was good enough for her it is good enough for you!" She then walked over and held up a large piece of plastic, and two very thick nighttime bed pads. " If you are such a big girl why do you need these may I ask?" Jamie just stared at the floor then in a fit of anger yelled "what gives you the right to go through my things you bitch" Aunt Susan never said a word as she walked toward Jamie, grabbed her by the arm , and pulled her over by the over stuffed chair in the corner of the room. She then pulled Jamie across her lap! "no, no don't you dare nooooooooooooooooooo!" " young lady you will not use language like that while in my care" She said as she went about removing the kicking and screaming young girls shorts!"Nooooooooooo yelled Jamie " Aunt Susan pulled Jamie's panties to her ankles and began to spank her small little behind! "noooooooooooo screamed Jamie as she began to cry ,please nooooooooo! As she continued the spanking she began to lecture Jamie who was now crying like a 5 year old "do you understand why I am spanking you miss" "yes Aunt Susan because I cursed you wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" "and because you back talked you need to learn that in this house young ladies do as they are told"waaaaaaaaaaa yes Aunt Susan Jamie be good girl I am sowwy waaaaaaaaaaaa" Suddenly the spanking stopped Aunt Susan rubbed poor little Jamie's sore behind as Jamie continued to sob. "Ok young lady spankings around here ,require corner ,time so get to the corner now ! Jamie got up quickly running to the corner while rubbing her very red hinny! You keep that nose in the corner till Aunt Susan comes back or she will have to stat over ! "yes ma'am I will" Jamie sobbed.
    • Sounds good. I look forward to reading more and your welcome 
    • Sure.  I’m not as technically experienced with such projects as are some others here, so I won’t move as quickly since I’ve got some stuff to learn.  But I’ll persist.
    • Crock-Pot soup or stew or pasta. Not quick, but you don't have to stand over it.
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