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    • I actively get photos of me removed from the Internet.
    • I was surprised by the number of Asylum Films Mockbusters available on Prime video. Sharktopus here I come, along with TransMorphers.And a few I hadn't heard of.
    • They will hold one moderate wetting. They feel weird after wetting. They aren't swelling up like most diapers do. The interior leg gathers are also very short, maybe half as tall as any other diaper.   I wouldn't believe any claims made in their ads.
    • “Hi Lila. Nice, you are coming to school again today.” Pauline, their teacher, greeted her, as she was innocently standing next to Alex's desk and was clearly too afraid to ask if she could sit anywhere.   The bench that they used yesterday had already been moved to the wall of their class. She suddenly did not feel welcome, and she did not dare to ask someone for help.  No, she was not even sure if she could speak at all. “I think you will need your own place.” She took her school bag from her back and smiled as she saw the cone filled with sweets that was mounted on the side. “In our first row, we have our youngsters who need the most help with their work.” She explained.  “You could find a place in the second row.” She pointed to the line of benches where Georg was sitting and chatting with his friends.  “But she could sit next to me,” Mia begged as she seemed to be alone in one bench right in front of the class. “I already know her from playing yesterday.”   “Hmm,” their teacher seemed to think about the proposal.   “You can either sit with her or get a bench for yourself in the second row.” she suggested and gave Lila a choice. She did not want to be alone. At least she knew Mia, and she had been nice to her when they played. Deep in her soul, she wished they could become best friends. Play ... laugh and share secrets together just as if she were in primary school herself. Still not able to talk, the two girls smiled at each other, and no words were needed as she walked over to the little girl's desk. “Mia, maybe you could help your new classmate a little on her first day. She had it hard in her old class, so you have to be kind... Ok?" She waited for a moment until the primary school girl nodded. “I promise when it works out well with you two, we can move you back next fall when our new first graders start,” she spoke more to Lila than to Mia without expecting a response.   Lila noticed the proud look on the little kid's face next to her. It was not only her, who found a place to stay. She hardly noticed as their teacher put her empty school bag next to her at her side of the desk.  “You don't need to be shy, our teachers are really nice to us,” she assured her teenage friend and offered her hand to hold. Lila was still quite nervous about today, but at least she had her own place and a friend next to her. She reached down in her school cone and took two sweets out and placed one wordlessly on the desk next to Mia. “It's for me?” she asked, astonished. She nodded, making the primary school kid next to her happy.  “Thhhanks,” she mumbled while she slipped the yummy bonbon in her mouth.   ‘RRRRRRRR’, the old school bell was ringing. Sending a cold shiver down her back. “Good morning,” Pauline, their teacher, greeted the young kids. The voices suddenly ebbed off. “We have one new student in class today, and I want all of you to welcome Lila.”  All the attention was suddenly directed at her. No! Lila quickly closed her eyes as she was petrified. For a long moment she blocked the outside world again, but nothing happened, no one was laughing, no one was calling her for a test. Just Mia's soft hand holding hers.   When she slowly lowered her guards, she had missed the fact that the older students had already started with their work.  She was just waiting like all the younger ones, while their teacher came to every desk and explained what they had to do.  “Mia and Lila, I want you to write a story about something you experienced during your holidays,” their teacher announced. I want to see at least ten sentences from you, Mia. ... And Lila, could you write me a nice story about what you experienced with your mum and dad?”, she asked.  She waited a moment for her little teenage student's reaction. Still, she was not sure if the task was too much for the little girl, who still was not speaking in her class.   “Do you need paper and a pen?”, she offered her some assistance. The girl shook her head and took her things out of her school bag and sadly stroke Noah's soft fur.  “Who is this?”, Mia wanted to know as she saw the brownish stuffed animal. A moment of silence swapped over the two girls. She tried to take all her strength to speak, but her words would not come.  A little frustrated, she took her pen out and wrote, ‘He is NOHA.’ She wished to be able to tell her that she got him from her daddy and that he helps and talks to her. But it was too hard to even speak a word. Quickly, she could not resist and took him out of her bag and on her lap. She could not see Pauline's smile as she noticed the stuffed animal. Actually, she fits in quite well with the smaller kids, she thought, glad that she allowed Lila to be in the row of the younger kids  “Why don't you let him sit with you?” Her teacher allowed her to have her beaver attend class with her. Lila thankfully looked in the adult's eyes, and Noah immediately found his place on Lila's desk. “I am proud of you and sure you will do great today.” His soft but encouraging voice was back.  Her beaver's smile comforted her every time she looked at him and calmed her when she was touching his soft fur. Maybe everything would be ok, this school was much more like her primary school, and it did not feel so bad, she thought as she took her pen and began to write down what happened.   ### It was ten o'clock when the bell rang, Pauline had softly woken Lila from her writing spree.  Instead of just writing a little story, she actually wrote down everything that had brought her here. She explained what happened to her in her old school, about how she met Alex and became her friend.  And while her teacher actually planned on giving her some fourth grader worksheets that seemed easy enough not to frighten the shy girl, she let her write down what she needed to tell someone.   Feeling the hand on her shoulder, Lila slowly lifted her head. She looked into her teacher's eyes. “It's time for a break,” she told her in a friendly voice. The little girl stopped writing and became aware that she had filled three pages with all her dark secrets and fears. As she read the first line, Pauline noticed that this was not a normal story about her vacation. It was something the little girl wanted to hide.  “Are you ok with me reading your story?” she asked the girl who had not found the courage to speak a word to her. Lila was not sure if she wanted her teacher to know. But on the other hand, she was nice to her, and letting her read that would be like telling her why she was so afraid and unable to speak. Slowly she moved the text back on her desk. She took her pen and wrote on the last page. ‘For you, Pauline. It is just for you to understand why I cannot talk right now.’ She ripped the pages off the block and handed them over into her teacher's hands.  “Now go out and play, you still have fifteen minutes of your morning break.” Not losing a second of her time, Lila was back on her feet and heading into the playground area.  She found Mia on the swing, waving her over.  “You were quite busy writing your story,” Mia commented, that her new friend was too engrossed in her own writing to notice the ring of the school bell. “Hmm,” she mumbled, not ready to talk about it. At the same time, she noticed she had not spoken a word in the last hours. She took Mia by her hand, and together they were hiding behind a bush. “I ... had to ... write ... that down.”, she slowly replied and still found it hard to break her barrier of silence. And she sneaked away a lonely tear from her eye. “At least you speak to me again,” Mia seemed to be relieved and hugged her friend. “I ... could not ... when I was sitting ... in class," she tried to explain. “I was ... so terrified.” But she stopped as her tears started to tell Mia from her past. For a minute, the school kid just sat next to her. “It's ok if you struggle with talking ... Ben also struggled with that when he came into school last fall. Maybe I can try to help you.” she promised, and Lila felt the soft hand of her schoolmate on her back. “You know, swinging always helps me to relax if something makes me sad.” For a moment, an odd silence had come over them. Lila was still sad, but she was willing to jump back to playing with her friend. “Can you swing at least as high as me?” she wanted to know.  “Sure!” Lila answered, confident that she could win the swinging competition. She started to accelerate with her feet, going higher and higher into the air. “Shuuu ... Shuuu ... Mia, Lila,” she heard Pauline's friendly but stern voice as she was telling them that they were both swinging much too high and too fast for little girls their age. “Are you hungry?” Mia suggested that they could head indoors and eat their snacks that they brought for the break.  “Yes, ... I still have ... some sweets ... that I got in the morning. We can ... share them for our dessert,” the small teenage girl offered and felt that talking was slowly becoming easier, at least when she was not in class and not speaking to Pauline. Mia took her hand, and together they returned to their classroom, unpacked the box that contained a slice of bread and some fruits before Lila added a few sweets for each of them.   “Thanks,” Mia cheered. As she took a bite from the bread that she got from her mummy. For a second they ate in silence, and Lila noticed how easy it was here to make friends. It was just like... her old primary school. Yes, maybe the difference was that she was actually together with younger kids.  Sure, she could not go back to being seven for real, but wasn't that much better anyway. ‘Rrrrrrrrr’, the bell rang again, calling everyone back to their classroom. The break had passed quickly. The two girls put the boxes in their bags, and suddenly Pauline was back on their desk. “Mia, we will start with a new topic today. Do you already know what divisions are?”  “It is when you share some sweets with other children, and you want to know how much everyone gets.” she explained.  “Sure thing.” Pauline praised her.   “She handed the little girl a tablet. I prepared a video for you that explains how you can divide two numbers. And afterward, I want you to try these worksheets.” She handed three sheets with simple divisions to her.  “And to you, Lila, are you ready for math too?” She replied to the question with a fearful glance.  “I assure you we will start very slowly, so that you can get more confident in your abilities. Ok?” “I have some fourth-grade math worksheets for you. I know it may be easy, but we will get the picture if you have mastered the basics. If you have troubles, just mark them, and we will look at it together when I am done helping the other kids. OK?”  Lila silently took a look at the pages. It was simple, and she had a plan on how to solve most of the exercises. She nodded in Pauline's eyes.  And while Mia was watching her video, she already finished the first sheet.  “Hmm, that looks quite complicated.” Mia mumbled as she put the tablet next to her and was looking over at her new friend's work. This time, it was much easier to communicate with her friends in class. She could use her emotions, and her friend was not a teacher. She shook her head and smiled. “Oh, you already finished most of them.” Mia realized while Lila tried to solve a basic geometry exercise and remembered how all the sides and angles of a square were called and what else she knew about the geometric figures.  In the end, she was not sure if she remembered all of them correctly. What would she say if she made a mistake? Would she yell at her? But then she realized that Pauline had said she could ask if she were not certain how to do it.  She simply marked the example with her yellow pencil and went to the next one.  The little girl was almost done when she felt Mia’s hand on her arm.  “Can you help me with this calculation?” Mia asked for her attention. She looked at her page and smiled, she could help her at least a little bit.  ‘You have to do it this way,’ she wrote on a sheet and showed her how she could solve it.  Actually helping Mia was a reminder of her helping the little kids at daycare. Math could be almost fun if it did not get too difficult. And she was proud that she was able to help her classmate.   “Thanks,” Mia mumbled as she finished her worksheets.   “Are you done?” Pauline asked them with a soft tone.  Mia showed her what she had accomplished, while the older girl felt her possibility to communicate faded. She marked the sheet with a smiley, “It is ok if you ask Lila for help, but she will not always have time for you.”  “It was just you were busy, and I did not know how to solve the problems.” the little girl moaned.   “It's ok, Mia,” their teacher replied.  “And Lila, can I see what you have done?”  Sheepishly, she looked at all her sheets on her side of the desk. She had not finished all of them. And she felt quite ashamed about it. Her old teacher would have blamed her for not doing what she was told. She did not even dare to look into her teacher's eyes. Not able to explain why she did not finish her exercises. She turned red in embarrassment. How could she not finish her own work first? While she was staring at the ground, the silence became obvious, and with her shame came her sudden need to pee.  Not now! She pushed her need aside and noticed that her bladder just relaxed and warmth spread in her crotch. Making her diaper quite wet. “She helped me and had no time to complete her sheets,” Mia hurried to her rescue as she was defending her new friend.  “It's ok, Lila. Do you need help with the exercises?” Pauline asked, knowing that she would not receive an answer.  She just needed time to finish it. For the first time today, she felt that she wanted to answer her questions. But still she could not talk, not even if she wanted.  Or could she? She could start easy with signs and writing, just as she did with Mia in class. It would help her, and she could still block it from her mind by just closing her eyes. She just shook her head for a moment, before she remembered that she had questions for the geometry exercise.   She pointed to the text and to her solution, and just added a question mark with her pencil.   “You want me to help you with that,” her teacher repeated to make sure she understood everything. Before, she waited for a second to give her new pupil space.  And when she noticed Lila's affirmative reaction, she continued. “You answered the question perfectly as she overviewed the results and drawings. And you even added some of the rules and formulas you remembered from your old math class, didn't you?”  She nodded again. “Oh, I see the lines in the middle are diagonals of the rectangle.“ Lila added them to her drawing. “You missed one of the adjectives or rules for the figure, she kindly gave her a hint. Do you remember it?”  For some seconds she was unsure, but then with Pauline's calm voice the blockage in her mind vanished, and the memories came back. She simply added the answer to her list.  “Good Lila!” she praised her.  “If you don't mind, I will give you a little homework, so that you will become more confident in your skills.” She asked if she wanted homework. Lila wondered once more. But as she thought about just ignoring the request with her silence, her curiosity was coming back. She would not be asking questions she could not know, and with every interaction with her teacher, her confidence grew.  “Look, you can watch that video about geometry at home. .... I will send it to your account, and Alex can help you with the setup over the weekend. You did a great job in your math class today.” She said with an appreciative voice that told Lila how proud she was.  ‘Rrrrrrrr.’, the bell released them into their last break of the day.  Lila was glad that her teacher respected her and did not force her to talk. Still, she found it challenging to think about having a conversation with someone who had so much power over her.  But after today, she at least was sure she did not harm her immediately as her old teacher had done. Lila put her math worksheets in her bag and wanted to follow the other kids, who were eager to spend their time outside and had quickly left the classroom. “Wait Lila ... I think you will need a fresh nappy, don't you?”, her teacher said, paying attention so that no one could hear them as she recognized her sagging diaper.  No ... I need Alex! Quickly came to her mind as she became aware that she had not seen her teenage guardian in the last two hours. She was not sure if she already trusted Pauline for something like that. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, and her hands were nervously searching for something to hide as she noticed she was alone.  Panic was spreading in the little girl's mind. She looked in the big kids classroom. ... Nobody. Not even Georg.  Suddenly, Pauline caught the restless little girl and hugged her. Her eyes couldn't hold still for a moment.   She looked like a little mouse desperately looking for a place to hide while the cat was already sneaking around looking for her prey.  The primary school teacher could not let her distressed and vulnerable student be on her own. Even if she was not ready to trust her jet, she saw that Lila desperately needed help. They were alone in the empty classroom.  “Your mummy packed a spare diaper in your bag, didn't she?” She asked and, at the same time, opened her bag and took out the fabric bag that contained Lila's crinkly changing supplies.   They walked outside, and the child on their teacher's side still hoped that Alex would see her and come to her rescue. But she was nowhere to be seen.  Tears were starting to roll down her face as they entered the teacher's bathroom, and she lifted her on a changing table.  “Hey Lila”, Pauline tried to wake her from the petrified state. “Everything is ok, you don't have to worry. Nobody will hurt you,” she assured her and dried her tears. “Do you want to go potty on the loo before I put a fresh diaper on?”, she offered, and slowly Lila noticed she would at least not blame her for her potty accident.   But she needed the hard shell of silence that empowered her in a strange way. So she just stared back at her teacher. “Don't worry, you always could come to me if you want to go.”  Within a second, the bulky wet diaper, between her legs, was gone, and the childcare professionals put a new one under her tushy, cleaned her with a wipe, and had her nappy closed in the front.  It was not the loving care of her mum and dad, but it was so fast that it was not as embarrassing as she thought. And as she sat up on the soft cushion, some of her worries faded away.  She was not like her old math professor, and it was not math that she hated. It was just him.  While her words were still locked up in an inaccessible corner of her mind, she could bond with her in a different way, and without a second thought, she hugged Pauline. Her teacher held her for a moment, and now she could feel the warm hug she needed to be close to her, and she was not willing to let her go.  “I wish I could undo all the past wounds at your soul.” she mumbled and held her tight as if she was a first grader feeling homesick.   She could trust Pauline, she finally decided, as she was carried back to her classroom.  And as the bell rang and all her classmates were coming back, she felt ready to sit on her own again.  She looked in her teacher's eyes, opened her mouth, but she could not speak. “Don't force yourself," Pauline said. “You will see that your voice will come back when you are ready.” Once more Lila lovingly touched her shoulder as if she said thanks in their wordless language. And she went back to her desk, and for the first time in the last two years, she did not have the bad feelings about the upcoming class in her mind. *** Do you like what you are reading? And do you want to read more? For the astronomic price of a click on the like button or a small comment, you can increase the chances of reading the next part by next Friday.    If you don't know what you can comment on, here are some suggestions: How do you like Paulin handling mute Lila Do you find the writing style where Lila can only talk some words interesting and good, or is that annoying?  
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