Story and Art Forum

Hello readers, thank you for your patience. Life update: I'm bipolar and have OCD so my meds tend to do great with my hypo/mania but do less well with mixed episodes and not great at all with depression. I've been in a particularly deep one for a while now with a lot of family and work stress compounding everything. I'm not going to say everything is "good" now but last week I promised myself a page a day minimum to keep the inertia from setting in and, well, I had a productive weekend. I'll be doing a sleepover with some little friends for Labor Day weekend so I think the timeline I'm going to try and hold myself to is a chapter a week during hypo/mania and every two weeks when I cycle into depression.  Chapter 8   Lunch at the beach had been nice and after over a week of hospital food, the greasy salmon and chips felt like fine dining. Gulls patrolled the picnic area and Devri occasionally tossed some chips to them to get them to back off. Arinae could see the playground in the distance but it held little appeal right now. She’d rather be with her guardian, making small talk and listening to the sound of the surf roll in on a grey, spring morning.   They paid for Bayla’s order of takeout and started back home. It was a comfortable walking distance and Arinae could see herself coming to the beach often. Devri told her about the beach house up north her parents had and how the water there was at least comfortable to swim in. Arinae hadn’t really swam since her physical education classes in school. The idea of splashing around a beach where the water was actually warm was intriguing.   One thing that would take some time to get used to though was the slight crinkle as she walked just behind her guardian. The crinkles were slight and soft but Arinae was aware of them with every step. They didn’t feel bad, just very different from both her panties and what she was given to wear at the hospital. She didn’t want to wear them but knew that soon she’d long for the days when she at least had a chance at making it to the bathroom.     “Here it is,” Devri said, handing off a take away container to Arinae so she could reach into her purse and rummage around for the house keys. “It’s not much but it’s paid for, almost at least.” Devri winked at Arinae. For the little though, it was such a far cry from the home she’d grown up in; it might as well have been a palace.    Her home in Meshachie was a nondescript yellow box of a house off the main highway and up towards the interior, in the foothills of the mountains. It was deep enough into the timber that the rainforest provided at least some windbreak from the gusts coming off the ocean. Until it was cyclone season at least. The walls were uninsulated, the heaters worked intermittently, and the roof leaked. The frame of the door in her old bedroom was broken off its hinges. In the main hallway there were exactly three holes in the drywall, all covered by family photos. It was cold and rainy most of the year.   Meshachie wasn’t a great place to grow up being different. School provided some respite, she still had to deal with bullies but it was better than being home. It was a rural logging town with a single school for all of the kids. There were bars and temples for the Circle but precious little to do as a teen except loiter in the grocery store parking lot or have parties in the woods. Not that she was ever invited to any parties.   Devri’s home was a two story, forest green craftsman with a gated yard and cherry trees and wild berry bushes out in front. She could tell from the leftside gate that there must have been a backyard too. The fence facing the sidewalk was made of iron bars, elegantly twisting and broken at regular intervals with waist high pillars of worn, red brick. Privacy hedges blocked the house off from other, similar homes on either side in different shades of blues and greens.    It was nicer than any home Arinae had ever lived or squatted in but that wasn’t the most important thing to her. It looked like an actual family lived here. One that loved each other. One that if she did everything right she might even be part of someday.   There was a toy boat in the bird bath and walking to the door she crossed over the partially washed out remains of what she could still identify as a hopscotch court. If Bayla got to live here as herself and have fun and enjoy her life, then Arinae resolved on the threshold that she never wanted to leave. She was going to be the best little she could be.    There wasn’t much about the future she could control but she knew she’d never go home and no one who would ever want her could give her a life this good. You sound like a fucking dog that’s happy we got adopted. The bitter voice in her chided her.   The door swung open, creaking lightly on old hinges and Arinae stepped inside. The living room walls were a pale, robin egg blue and the floor was a light colored hardwood. There was a holoscreen in the living room with two couches and a rocking chair in the corner.  The home was filled with plants and art on the walls with local formline art from the tribes here in Tsastichi, paislies and mandals from Hodugalpa, and mountain scape art done in the colonial Valsoran style. She counted three bookshelves and a fourth shelf with knick knacks close to the stairs.    “Make yourself at home,” Devri said, putting her keys on the key rack and setting her purse down by the door. Arinae anxiously stepped inside, continuing to scan the room. “Afterall, you live here now. Come on,” Devri said, waving on her further inside, “let me show you around.” Devri played tour guide, showing Arinae a dining room with a small table and two chairs, one normal and one meant for littles, before chiding herself for not getting one in Arinae’s size.   “Damn, well, it’s not like we eat in here much anyway. Still, I want a place for you to sit once we figure out how tall you’re going to be. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t have gotten something for the meantime though.”   “It’s fine,” Arinae reassured her guardian, “I mean, you did a lot for me already. I’m not used to eating in a dining room either, so it’s not a big deal.” The kitchen though, that was a big deal. The appliances were sleek and modern and contrasted with the homey wooden cabinets and white tile counter and colorful laminate floor. The whole place smelled wonderfully aromatic with spices Arinae had only seen on cooking shows.   “Morning Abbi,” Devri said as she walked in, the lights automatically turned on for them. Arinae realized that the kitchen must have been integrated with the home AI. The refrigerator chimed before a friendly, feminine voice answered. “Good morning, Devri. How can I help?”   “I’m going to need you to recognize a voice print, this is Arinae and she’s going to be living here. Arinae, just speak your name and say hello, that should be enough to start the sync.” “Welcome Arinae,” the voice spoke from the fridge speaker. “Please begin speaking when ready.”   “Hi, hello Abbi” Arinae said uncertainly into the middle distance. Her family back home hadn’t been well off enough for a home AI system so it was a bit outside of her comfort zone to have an appliance talk to her. “I’m Arinae. I’m going to be here for a while so yeah. Hi.” The AI let out a tone.   “Initial voice print successful. My ability to recognize you will be optimized with continued use,” the machine cheerily said.   “Oh, and Abbi,” Devri interjected, “Arinae is a Little so please send an alert to my SmartBand if she tries to use the stove unassisted.”   “Absolutely. You’re really thinking ahead Devri! Should I apply your set profile of restrictions for Bayla as well?” Devri seemed to think on that one for a moment.   “No, she’s going to be an L2 so she’s going to need a new profile,” Arinae blushed at her status being so casually relayed to the AI. “Just for now the obvious stuff until she gets a bit shorter, L4 safety profile please.”   “Confirmed! Welcome home Arinae. Is there anything else I can help with?”   “No, we’ll be alright, thank you Abbi. I’m just going to give her the rest of the tour.” Devri said, ushering the little out of the room. “Light’s out please.”   “You know, I actually know how to cook. I’m sure I can use the stove safely” Arinae said, not sure how much to challenge Devri on the restrictions in place on her now. “I had to fend for myself a lot at home, and I like cooking. I used to cook for people I was staying with. They usually weren’t very good at it, you know?”   “I don’t doubt that you can use the stove right now, Arinae,” Devri said. “But, you’re going to get smaller and the proprioception issues that come with that are going to make a lot of things that used to be easy start getting harder. I would really rather you not misjudge your capabilities and figure out you need that profile setting only after a mistake has been made. Does that make sense?”    “I guess so,” Arinae sighed, it was too reasonable. It made too much sense. But she didn’t have to like it.   “We can cook together though,” Devri offered. It was better than nothing. “ I can even get you a little stool for the kitchen if you need one.” Arinae knew Devri meant that to be accommodating but it just reminded Arinae of what she’d lose. As if everything else didn’t already. Still, being an agreeable Little was the only thing between her and either being back on the streets or in a group home so she just nodded. She wasn’t going to get thrown out on day one over this.   Devri continued showing Arinae the downstairs, making sure she knew where the downstairs bathroom was and how to turn on the smart bath, pointing out the door to the basement and firmly instructing her to not go down there alone because of how steep the steps could be before asking Abbi to send her an alert if Arinae ever did try to venture down. Devri also showed Arinae the door to her office, another room she was asked not to go into unless it was an emergency.   Once the downstairs was finished, Devri took Arinae to the second floor. At least even with proprioception challenges, Arinae was relieved she’d at least be trusted with stairs. The top floor landing opened into a hallway and Devri pointed out her bedroom directly in front of the stairs and Bayla’s just to the left right beside it. Instructions were given to Arinae that she shouldn’t go into Bayla’s without asking but to come get Devri if she needed help at night.   “And that one,” Devri said pointing to the end of the hall, “is yours.” Arinae turned and saw the door.   “Oh my gosh,” Arinae covered her mouth with her hands and tried not to be overcome. There, on the white door was a posterboard taped to the door vertically, with hand drawn fairy and nature designs in crayon. A motif of flowers chained together made up the border around the central art of a fairy glen. The sign read Welcome Home.   “Thank you, thank you, thank you, this is so nice, I just, I’m sorry but oh my gosh.” Arinae tried to breathe in deep through her cupped hands and felt herself tearing up.    “You’ll be able to thank the artist soon. She’ll be home for work in a few hours” Devri stood slightly behind Arinae and put her hand on the Little’s shoulder. “Bayla’s more used to drawing fairies with a stylus and 3D modeling than crayons but she felt it would be fitting for you.”    “It’s perfect,” Arinae said, wiping happy tears out of her eyes. “I can’t wait to meet her.” Arinae had an overjoyed smile on her face and quickly went to the door. “No running in the house please,” Devri called after her, Arinae was too excited though, she threw open the door and took in the space. It was empty but the walls were angled, making the space feel snug and cozy. The walls were a cream color with the exception of a pink statement wall and there were LED lights running along the angle where the wall met the ceiling. She had a window with a bench seat overlooking the backyard with a trampoline and a swing set.   “Welcome home, Arinae.” Devri said, walking in after her. Devri put her arm around the Little’s shoulders but Arinae whirled around and hugged her guardian. Devri was taken aback at first but returned the hug, holding her Little tightly. Arinae didn’t want to let go either.   “I promise I’ll be the best Little, I promise. I love it here.” Arinae said into her guardian’s breasts. “Thank you for everything.” “You don’t have to be the best Little Arinae,” Devri said, stroking her hair, “just be you.” That set Arinae crying again and Devri held her, rubbing her back while she let it out. “I’m sorry honey.” Devri said softly.   “For what?” What did I do?” Arinae asked with alarm, Was I too much?   “You’re OK,” Devri cradled Arinae’s head against her chest, one hand on the Little’s lower back. “Just…I’m sorry. We can talk about it later. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re fine sweetie. You’re safe now.” Devri held onto Arinae until the flurry of tears passed and the Little broke off the hug. “Do you want to watch something on the holoscreen while we wait for Bayla and your new furniture to arrive?”   Devri and Arinae settled on a cooking show on pavlova. Arinae was more conscious of the pull-on while sitting down, she felt it’s bulk bunch up against her and every time she shifted, she heard it crinkle ever so slightly. Arinae felt herself hyperfocusing on the show. Deserts and baking had always been a challenge for her. After around a half hour, there was a sound Arinae wasn’t expecting and the Little was jolted out of her trance. From the looks of Devri’s checking of her smart band, she wasn’t expecting the interruption either. Arinae heard the door close forcefully.   “Hey, no slamming doors!” Devri called out to the entry way, Arinae heard a sigh followed by tromping footsteps as a woman a foot shorter than her walked into the living room. Bayla's hair was wavy like Arinae’s. Dark brown just like Arinae’s roots were. She had higher cheek bones with rounded cheeks and Arinae could spy dark circles under the Little’s eyes.    She was dressed somewhere between office casual and ready for a playdate. Her top was a dark green and featured a frog with fairy wings sitting on a toadstool with moon phase designs above it and over that a dark pink cardigan. She had on light blue jeans and Arinae spotted the distinct bulge in her pants. No one would mistake Bayla for an actual child except maybe from behind with the bulge in her pants. It was an uncomfortable reminder of the future and, in this moment only, Arinae was grateful she at least still had Pull-Ons.   “I didn’t slam it,” the Little shot back, annoyed. “I closed it hard.” Her voice had a register slightly lower in pitch than her tiny size would suggest with a voice trained nasal quality to it that Arinae also spoke with.   “Then don’t close it hard,” Devri said, sighing. “It’s only 12:45, what are you doing home so early?” Devri questioned Bayla. It was the Little’s turn to sigh now.   “I had a long day, I don’t want to talk about it.” Bayla averted her eyes, looking down at the ground and fiddling with the edge of her cardigan.   “How’d you get home? Did you take the bus or-”   “Destinje brought me home.. Look, I had a bad day, I didn’t get to have a nap at work, and I just want to be alone right now.” Devri’s brow furrowed.   “Well, you can at least say ‘hello’ to Arinae here.” Arinae froze up, uneasy being in the middle of an argument right away.   “Hi, yes hello. I’m Bayla, nice to meet you,” there was a dripping tone of malicious compliance as she huffed in irritation. Arinae instantly became self conscious.    “Nice to meet you.” Arinae replied meekly. She didn’t know what to expect but from the sign, she’d at least thought Bayla would be happy to see her. Instead it seemed anything but. Her very presence seemed to annoy Devri’s long time Little. She shrunk into the sofa beside her new guardian.   “You know what,” Devri said, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. “Naptime can wait. You earned yourself 10 minutes of corner time in the dining room.”   “For what?” Bayla protested, “I introduced myself didn’t I?”   “For slamming the door, for being rude to Arinae, and for talking back to me. Corner time.” Devri said firmly.    Bayla narrowed her eyes and glared at her guardian but the standoff lasted less than a minute before she stopped her foot and stormed off. “Hey, Abbi,” Devri called out.   “Yes, Devri?” The automated voice helpfully intoned.   “Make sure Bayla stays in time out the whole time please and give her an alert when she’s done.” “I’m not going to move!” Bayla shouted out from the dining room.   “I know you aren’t honey, Abbi will make sure of it.” Arinae heard a groan coming from the dining room. “Once you get done, you owe Arinae an apology for being a brat on her first day.” Arinae heard a little foot stomp.   “Is she mad at me?” Arinae nervously questioned her guardian. She hadn’t even done anything yet and already Bayla was mad at her. Bayla was here first and if she didn’t like Arinae, what did that bode about her future here?   “No, she’s not mad at you, sweet girl. I think I know why she’s so grumpy and I’m going to talk with her about it when she gets out of time out. Just relax, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Arinae nodded but wasn’t sure she believed Devri. She wiggled up to her guardian’s body and felt an arm drape around her should. Arinae tired to return her focus to the holoscreen but uncertainty was eating her up inside.   At ten minutes, Devri’s smart band chimed and Arinae heard a corresponding chime go off in the dining room. Devri stood up and walked first to the kitchen, getting Bayla’s take out before bringing it with her into the dining room. Arinae could hear them talking softly for a few minutes while her anxiety buzzed out of control in her head. Is Devri telling Bayla she’ll get rid of me? Did I get Bayla in trouble? Is this all my fault? Did I already ruin everything?   Arinae gingerly stood up from the couch. The only thing that could possibly quench her uncertainty would be knowing what was going on and what they were saying about her. She crinkled ever so slightly as she tip-toed to stand just outside the dining room and pressed her back against the wall to eavesdrop.   “Look,” Devri sounded frustrated, her normal gentleness replaced with exasperation. “I understand that having a blow-out and needing Destinje to change you at work was embarrassing and you’re upset about it but you’re not going to take it out on her.” “I don’t want to talk about it, OK?” Bayla hissed, “I’ll tell her I’m sorry, OK?”    “You need to take a break, Bayla. Your body is telling you to take a break. The Pari expansion can wait. Everyone is going to be OK with you taking some time off.”   “I can’t right now!” Bayla whined.   “Why not?” Devri interrogated her Little.   “Because, mom,” Bayla said sarcastically, “the team needs me. You know what I had for the project meeting on Landsi? Nothing! I’m so far behind right now and-” Arinae heard Bayla abruptly stop speaking but there was no shouting or sound of impact. Just a sudden cessation of her protest.   “Fairy Grove can wait, little one.” Fairy Grove? Arinae recognized the name. It was half online game and half online community for Littles. She hadn’t been the target audience before, but she had definitely seen Almiraj plushies and Little’s in shirts with fairy dragons on them.    She heard of Seelie Studios, how the development team was made up of neutrals, CGs, L4s, and L3s all working together and knew it was based in Port Alki, but she still was stunned to find Bayla worked for them. Devri had told her Bayla had been in school for psychology and liked theater and did some voice work but didn’t mention the L3 was actually holding down a job! It just made her feel more inadequate compared to Bayla.   “Now, you can take that out long enough to apologize to Arinae, then you can eat and take a nap. OK?” Arinae heard no reply but scurried her way to the couch as quickly and quietly as she could, plopping back down and trying to appear casual. The Little was marched out by Devri with a pacifier in her mouth and cheeks rosy from embarrassment.   “I’m sorry I was a brat earlier,” Bayla said, popping the pacifier out of her mouth looking up at Arinae. “I’m just- I’m under a lot of stress right now with work and all.” Devri shifted her gaze to Arinae.   “Yeah, no problem. Work sucks, I get it. I got fired from my last job.” Arinae replied hesitantly. “I um, I really am excited to meet you. Maybe we can hang out later?” Bayla sighed.   “Yeah, maybe.” She looked up at Devri, “Can I go now? I just want to clean off and take a nap, I can eat later. Devri wasn’t entirely satisfied but Bayla had held up her end of the bargain.   “OK, go get the Smart Bath running and then into jammies and I want you sleeping at least two hours.”   “That’s so long though!” Bayla indignantly pouted.   “And that, Little one, is why it has to be two hours. I know best and you need rest. I’ll put your food in the fridge and we can heat it up later. Go on, scoot.” Devri shooed her out of the room. Bayla grumpily complied and popped her pacifier back into her mouth on her way up the stairs.   “So,” Devri said with some weariness of her own but the kind, gentle demeanor was reasserting itself gradually. “Do you want to look at the backyard?” She asked, trying to change the subject and move on.   “Yeah,” Arinae said, pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts, “are you sure she doesn’t hate me? It feels like she hates me? I don’t want to cause any problems with you two.”    “Oh honey, no, no,” Devri shook her head, “no one hates you. Everyone has a bad day sometimes and when Littles have bad days, they usually have a tantrum. That’s all it is, sweet girl. Just Bayla having a tantrum.” Arinae mused on that. Her life had been full of stress and bad days and breakdowns.   “Does that mean I’m going to throw tantrums too?” She asked but she knew the answer. She’d gotten fired for what was probably an early tantrum and she’d fought back against a nurse in the hospital. That was her future. Throwing a tantrum after a long day and getting sent to the corner, with a pacifier in her mouth, before being made to go take a nap.   “Why don’t you try and go potty honey, then we can go outside.” Devri ignored the question. It made Arinae uneasy but she agreed to give it a try. She didn’t feel like she needed it. After sitting on the toilet for a minute though, she felt the urge out of nowhere and then urine tinkle into the toilet just as suddenly. If Devri hadn’t told her…   The thought made her uneasier still.    

I use a baby diaper as a filler I put small slits in the bottom, and I have started to wear a women's pair of underwear as my skin liner inside of the diaper the thin polyester underwear,, it lest the pee go through and then the pee will kinda wick itself down my crotch so I get pee in the back of my diaper much more..If my description makes since..so the sap diaper still works for me, I will use a diaper till it bust open the seams . And the sap will be away from my skin with the panties inside Plus it feels so Nice on my skin... And to know I am out in public with women's panties on is fun....

With just 2 of us, we do fill the trash up almost every week, its generally half of it is my diapers, and then we have the regular stuff, and of course the 2 dogs crap my wife cleans up, its always a very smelly can, in just a week. All our trash goes to the landfill, we have to separate green stuff yard waste etc, and another can for the plastics cardboard etc. But that smelly stuff is gone each week...  They frown on and complain if our lid is not shut also. I have seen other cans with the trash sticking out the top even 2 ft over the lid?? So they still take it....

And a month!

Honestly, with the lack of standardization, and the like, numbers and letters are pretty meaningless. One size L can be a size S in the next. Numbers are often just as disconnected with actual sizing. Never mind how random sizing seems to be at times. 2 xl of them product, but a L of that. Makes it a real pain in the rear. Actual waist sizing would be nice, but, sadly half the time that is a lie, if not more often.