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Epilogue   That was the end of May. It's August now. Gabby dried up at night a few weeks ago, but every time Mama says she can be out of pampers if she stays dry one more night, she stands right in front of my crib and does it again.  She wears them regular overnight baby diapers to bed now.  Turns out they can hold a 10-year-old's night wetting just fine when her big sister isn't adding to it with trigger words.  She's back in panties during the day now too, and she flaunts them at me every chance she gets.  Mama redid my whole wardrobe, taking away every lasts stitch of anything that could possibly cover my diaper and replacing it with frilly, girly blouses and dresses that are four sizes too short for me and all kinds of other stuff that makes sure it isn't just poking out somewhere, but on full display. When we do go out, I get to wear a thigh-length dress that keeps it covered – if I walk perfectly straight at all times.  And even those dresses are girly and pastel-colored and look like they belong on someone Gabby's age or even younger.  Thankfully, Mama only made me poop in my diaper once, though she made sure I knew that the privilege of pooping in the toilet was one that could be taken away if I didn't toe Gabby's and Mrs. Everson's every line. Honestly, the first time I caught Mrs. Everson's spoon on my bare bottom was all the encouragement I needed to play quietly with the baby toys in the playpen in the morning and accept the spoonfuls of mush and finger foods what ain't supposed to be and bottles of milk at mealtimes and crawling on all fours and even playing outside in the sandbox when I'm done my afternoon nap in the crib.  All of which happens like clockwork every, damned, day. I can't count the number of times I've quietly, tearfully begged Gabby for forgiveness from behind the bars of that damned crib at night, only to have her respond with a squat and "too bad, BABY!". I already missed registration for fall semester, not that it mattered, because getting put on academic probation after missing my exams meant I lost my Pell grant. If I ever get out of this, there'll be nothin' to do but try to get a job, maybe as a cashier at Savitz or somethin'. But at this rate, I'ma have to potty train myself for lord knows how long. I done forgot what it feels like to hold my bladder. I don't even notice it 'cept my diaper warming up when it comes out. Yep, I've been regretting it ever since.

He claps and watches the show

A rental house on the beach in the Gulf Shores of Alabama, or a cabin in the mountains in Tennessee.

The woods. Doesn't really matter where they are, but I like the woods.

40   "You'll never guess what Mama and I talked about," I said quietly as she lay there, her wet head fresh from the shower turned to the side while I slathered the rash cream all over her diaper area. "What?" she asked. "After you go see the doctor on Monday, we won't have to keep our secret from Mama no more." "What do you mean?" Her voice was nearly a whimper. "Well I told her how much you love being a little baby, so she's gonna let you be one all the time at home for as long as you want. But first she wants to make sure you ain't sick or nothin'. And we both know you ain't sick, ain't that right?" I rolled her quickly side to side as I spoke, covering her bottom and back with a thick layer of baby powder. "But Sissy!" she complained. "You promised you wouldn't tell!" "Didn't I tell you a long time ago I'd take care of Mama for you?" I scolded. "I promised you that if you did exactly what I told you, I'd make sure Mama didn't thrash you no more. Ain't that right?" "Yeah, but..." "Shush now, baby," I said as I taped her up. "We're gonna have the best summer ever, you and me." "But I don't wanna be a baby all the time!" she whined. "Oh, don't worry," I said. "You can pretend to be a big girl at school until it lets out next week. Then Sissy gets to take care of you all day and night. Won't that be fun?" "No," she pouted. "Sure it will. We got a whole week to practice when Mama's not around. You'll see. But right now, it's time for the baby to go night-night." I sat her up with a great rustle and pulled her little nightshirt over her head and poked her arms through. "Wanna go give Mama kisses before beddy-bye?" "No." Her lip was so far out I almost laughed. "Alright then," I said, tucking her sassy into her mouth and flipping the ribbon over her head. I pulled her into my lap and rocked her, patting her big white bottom as I whispered, "It's alright, grumpy baby. Sissy make it all better. Sissy loves little baby Gabby." She whined at that last sentence, but I was past caring at that point. She'd get used to it, one way or another. I put her down and tucked her in and went out to sit with Mama for a while, working on schoolwork while she did her knitting. And so began the ritual. In the mornings, I'd wait until after breakfast to change Gabby's diaper so she had at least a fighting chance of it still being dry before she left for school, and I made sure she was dressed in long dresses and tights or loose jeans with a leotard or something that made sure her little school friends couldn't tell she had a diaper on. Mama would call and let me know if she'd been changed, which she usually had, but thankfully Gabby didn't have the nerve to try Mama on having an extra change. Unfortunately, this also meant she pooped at school, depriving me of the chance to get her accustomed to doing it in her diaper. It wasn't that I liked having to clean those messes up, but every time she did, she was a little less resistant to the idea of being the baby. When she came home on the bus, I kept her busy, usually giving her a little snack and feeding her a bottle of juice first thing, then playing with her in the yard until I had to make dinner. Ma would come home and immediately start in with Gabby about the state of her diaper, which was always pretty well soaked by that point in the evening, and Gabby would whine her responses. As the week went on, though, Gabby got quieter and quieter. She didn't fuss even a little bit when I fed her on Friday afternoon, and she was all but oblivious to Ma's teasing that night. I think maybe she was realizing that soon, whether she liked it or not, she was going to be the baby of the house. The weekend wasn't nearly as fun for me, because Ma was home the whole time, so I didn't get to do my usual baby routine with her, but on Sunday night, after I diapered her for bed, I made sure to reinforce my position. "You and Mama are goin' to the doctor's tomorrow, Gabby," I said as I pulled her into my lap. "Uh huh..." she replied. "Mama's gonna ask you if you're ready to start potty trainin'. What're you gonna tell her?" "Um... I don't know..." She looked genuinely confused. "Well you know what's gonna happen if you say yes?" "No..." "She's gonna buy you trainin' pants and take away your diapers. You know what that means?" "No..." Gabby was getting progressively more nervous. "Means if you have an accident at school, it'll be just like on Monday, where everyone could see that you peed your pants, and they'll all laugh at you again, just like Monday. Does that sound like fun?" "No..." "Be much easier to just keep wearin' diapers until school's out, huh?" "Yeah..." "So what're you gonna tell her when she asks you if you're ready?" "No..." "That's a smart baby." I tucked her sassy into her mouth as I'd done for what seemed like forever. "Time for night-night. Sissy loves baby Gabby very much, and Sissy only wants what's best for baby Gabby, you know that, don't you?" She nodded silently, and I laid her down and tucked her in. I spent the rest of the evening putting the finishing touches on my final paper for Comp and grinding through my Trig notes in preparation for Tuesday's exam. I'd finished my Psych paper on Dement several days before, and I was looking forward to a relatively stress-free final week of classes before my summer babysitting gig started back up. Ma always padded my allowance a little more during the summer, and she was sure to ratchet that up for however long I could keep Gabby a full-blown infant. Either way, my sister was going to be putty in my hands for a good long time. Sure, I aimed to make it as happy an experience for her as I could, but at the bare minimum, I knew I could put the fear of god in her any time I wanted if she decided to turn back into a brat after it was all over. I slept, well, like a baby that night. 41   The next morning I got up at my usual weekday time, but when I surfaced, the house was still dark. It didn't occur to me until I cobbled together a pot of coffee that, with her taking the day off for Gabby's doctor appointment, she wouldn't bother getting up at the crack of dawn like she usually did. Already up and about, I figured there wasn't much point in going back to bed, so I sat in the kitchen and sipped coffee for a good hour before Ma finally surfaced. "New habits die as hard as old, I reckon," she chuckled as she poured herself a cup. "Completely forgot you won't goin' to work this mornin'. Just glad I didn't wake Gabby," I said. "Yeah, may as well let her sleep. Honestly, I do hope that doc figures somethin' out. I hate to put you through the hellfire she'll raise if we go ahead with this little plan." "She'll be fine. She's got four days left of school, remember? Plenty of time to decide she don't like it or get used to it." "Bite your tongue, Sissy! Get used to it indeed!" "Relax, Ma. Once school is out and she gets a week of afternoon naps and seven-o'clock bedtimes, she'll be ready to quit." "I hope you're right. I dunno what the hell else I'd do if this don't work." "Hell, I'll keep on her until I go back in the fall if I have to." "I'ma hold you to that, 'less the doc comes up with a better idea. By the way, did you have plans this evenin'?" "Well, some of my classmates were talkin' about havin' a little get-together after exams this afternoon, but if you want me around to help out with Gabby..." "Naw, you're good. One way or another, I'm gonna have some shoppin' to do after her appointment, and I don't expect we'll be home in time for dinner no how. Go on and enjoy yourself. Might be a while before you get another chance. But don't you go drinkin' and drivin' this evenin'." "Of course not, Mama." Well, of course I won't gonna go gettin' drunk and then tryin' to drive. She didn't say nothin' about what I did intend to do, which I hadn't done since Jessica came home over the holiday break with a fat bud she picked up down in Little Cuba. I went ahead and took a shower, then got dressed while Gabby slept. Mama told me again to let her be, so I went ahead and got my makeup and hair done, and went back out in the kitchen to have breakfast. It was weird, not having to rush around and get things done in the morning, almost like an early start to my summer vacation, except for the having classes still yet to attend. Finally, just as I was packing up to leave for school, Gabby came out, squinting eyes and drooping diaper. I chuckled a bit at the sight, knowing it'd be the last time she'd be getting out of bed without help for some time. I imagined peeking over the rail tomorrow morning, whispering her name to wake her up, then letting the slat down so could hoist her up and put her down on the floor to crawl in front of me out to the kitchen to feed her breakfast. Or maybe I'd be nice and carry her in the mornings. After all, she'd be on all fours the rest of the day, when she wasn't in her playpen. Those cheery little thoughts stayed with me as I hugged her and Ma and headed out the door, and they danced in the back of my head as I arrived at school, turned in my Comp paper, and then buckled down for a long three hours of grinding through the Trig final. Finally my mathematical nightmare was over, and I was pretty well certain that I'd passed. I caught up with my classmates and we car-trained out to a favorite camping spot in the Long Cane, probably half an hour out of town, where I'd spent more than a few evenings doing exactly what we were about to do right now. As ruffly as the local feathers got over the "devil weed", the sheriff's department seemed content to let us be as long as we kept it well out of sight. The boys built a campfire, and a few tokes (and an unwelcome coughing fit) later, I was relaxed and happy, content to listen to the others chatter about summer plans and other trivial nonsense. I confessed that I was going to be stuck babysitting most of the summer again, and a couple of the girls offered sympathies, as they'd been through the same routine a few times themselves. At some point a someone produced a boom box, and we sat around listening to Dio and Iron Maiden and a bunch of other loud racket I didn't care for, but it wasn't unpleasant. A bottle of Boones Farm made its way around the circle a while later, and as dry as my mouth was, I gratefully took a few swallows, then laid back and just enjoyed the sensation of the gentle breeze on my very sensitive skin, watching the lazy clouds float by. I was still pretty stoned when I spotted the first star in the sky, and at that point I was pretty hungry, having not eaten since breakfast, so I maked my excuses and headed out to the not-so-gentle razzing of my classmates. I was decidedly paranoid on the road home, constantly checking my speed and fidgeting with my mirrors and freaking out over every sheriff I passed, wondering if he was going to figure out that I was high and pull me over. After an adventure ordering at the McDonald's drive-thru and eating in my car in the parking lot, I made my way home. It was just past nine when I pulled into the driveway. Judging by the light still being on in our bedroom, I figured Ma was probably putting Gabby to bed a little late. I turned my lights off and headed up the stairs, nearly bumping into a bed frame on the way, one that looked a lot like mine and Gabby's. Doc must've given the thumbs down, I figured, and Ma was going forward with my suggestion. Seemed odd that Gabby wasn't already in bed, though. "Hey Ma," I said cheerily as I walked in, trying my best to maintain my still very solid buzz. "Gabby's still up?" "Sure is," Ma said nonchalantly. "Doc couldn't find anything?" I asked. "Actually, the psychologist over in Greenwood seemed to think it was a stress thing, and suggested we make some changes to help her relax." "Well that's interesting," I offered. "What'd he suggest?" "First thing was repainting the bedroom a more relaxing color, so Gabby and I went to the hardware store and picked out a nice powder blue color," she said. "We just got done with that project maybe an hour ago. Gabby's in there putting some of her own personal touches on it now." "Cool," I said. "Yeah, I reckon that room was overdue for a good cleaning. Found some real interesting stuff in there while we were movin' the furniture around," Ma said as she set down the sewing, her eyes locking on me. My blood ran cold as I realized what might have been there to be found. "Oh... really?" I stammered, trying to suppress my nerves. "Yep. I'm definitely keen on hearin' your thoughts about it." She stood up, walked over to the kitchen table, and sat back down. "Sit down, let's have a chat." I swallowed hard and sat down across from her, avoiding her searing stare. She reached down into the chair next to her and produced the bag of accessories I'd bought for Gabby, dumping them out onto the table with a clatter. "Care to explain?" "Um... well... I figured... we talked about babyin' her and... so I... figured I'd get a jump on it..." My buzz was dying fast, but it wasn't helping my ability to organize my thoughts at all. "Seems to me you mighta known somethin' in advance, if you went and bought this stuff ahead of time. Maybe somethin' about what the doc might have to say?" "Of course not, Mama... how... could I have known?" I was getting flustered fast, praying she hadn't found the much more damning evidence. I knew almost immediately that my prayer went unanswered as I watched Ma reached back into the chair... 42   My eyes were big as saucers as she produced the notebook. "I... I... I can explain that," I said. "I certainly hope so," Ma said casually, dropping the book onto the table. "That ain't what it looks like, I swear!" "No?" "It was just... research... practice exercises for my psychology paper..." "So it was just a real innerestin' coincidence that Gabby started suckin' her thumb right around the time you started this 'project' of yours? And wettin' the bed too?" "I... yeah... I guess..." I offered. "And peein' her pants durin' the day too, huh? Well I reckon there's one way to find that out." "Wh... what's that?" I asked nervously. "Gabby, come on in here!" Mama yelled. Gabby came out in just a short t-shirt and a pristine white diaper. "Yes, Mama?" she said. "Sweet pea." Ma said flatly. I cringed as Gabby's face went blank and her diaper began to sag. "That's nonsense, Mama! She did that on purpose, you could tell!" I protested. Ma stood up in a rush. "God dammit, Beverly Jean! How long you plan on lyin' to my face like that?!" I cowered. Gabby snapped out of her trance and stared at me. "I... I'm sorry... I..." I begged. "Gabby, go on back to the room and finish what you was doin'," Ma said. Gabby complied quietly. “You're eighteen years old, Beverly Jean. You got two choices. You can either take the punishment I'm about to give you, or you can pack your shit, walk out that door, and don't ever come back.” “W... what's the punishment?” I asked, positively terrified. “Make your choice.” My mind raced. “But... where would I go, Mama?” “That'd be your problem, not mine.” Her words were like sledgehammers, pounding me into the dirt like a railroad spike, making me feel smaller and smaller. My mouth moved, but words no longer came out. “You stayin' or goin', Beverly Jean?” “I... I'm stayin', Mama,” I managed. Fact was, I deserved whatever was about to happen, and it wasn't like I had anywhere else to go. “Fine. Give me your purse.” Relief washed over me. I'd be grounded for the summer with no car, and that'd be that. I handed it over to her. “Now go lay down on the floor in the living room and don't move until I come back.” That was a stunner. “Um... why am I...” “Do it now!” she snapped. I got up quickly, stumbling a bit as I rushed into the living room. Ma got up as well, taking my purse into her bedroom. I laid there for what seemed like an eternity. The nagging thought in my head got louder and louder; there was only one thing she intended to do here, and it was the one thing I could least believe. When she came back into the room, I knew it was about to happen. “Lift your bottom.” “Mama, let's talk about this, please....” “I'm not gonna ask you again.” “But...” Quick as lightning, she flipped me over, turned my skirt up, and ripped my panties down. She proceeded to rain blows on my bottom with her bare hand as I squealed and squirmed, her other hand firmly wedged on my lower back, preventing me from moving. I'd lost count of how many times she hit me by the time my yelps gave way to tears, and I begged her to stop as I sobbed. "You done fightin'?" she finally asked. "Yes, Mama," I bawled into the carpet. The cool Desitin felt good on my stinging bottom, but it only amplified my horror at what was about to happen. A cloud of powder followed, then a rustling noise preceded her rolling me back over, my sore butt landing on soft, thick padding. “Spread your legs.” This time, I complied immediately. More Desitin, more powder, then she pulled the noisy plastic up between my legs. She pulled the tapes snug and latched them across my thighs, then my waist as I sniffled. “Your sister spent the last two weeks in HELL because of you,” she spat, dragging my skirt down my legs and tossing it aside. She pulled me up to a sit, my new underwear rustling like a mountain of garbage bags in my ears. “I doubt I can embarrass you as much as you did her, but I'm sure I can get damned close.” She practically ripped my new blouse off, then took my bra as well, tossing them into the same pile as my skirt and panties, then pulled one of my half-shirts over my head. To it, she clipped a ribbon, and sure enough, on the other end of that ribbon was a pacifier she promptly stuck in my gaping mouth and held there. “Close your mouth, Beverly Jean.” Again I complied, thoroughly humiliated and in complete shock. “And that had better stay there at all times 'cept when either I or Gabby takes it out!" "How long, Mama?" I whined. "How long what?" she snapped. "How long do I have to wear this?" "Well, once I found your little notebook, I called that psychologist back. He seems to think he can fix that 'sweet pea' nonsense and the thumb suckin' part pretty quick, but that the bedwettin' might take quite a while, 'specially since she had so much trouble with that when she was younger. I reckon by the time she's dry at night, you'll have learned your lesson. “I already pulled Gabby outta school for the rest of the year. I'ma take this week off to teach her how to go about takin' care of you, and the rest of the summer, she'll be your babysitter, and Mrs. Everson across the street will be in to check up on you. You act up at all, and you'll be over Mrs. Everson's knee in a hot minute, and then over my knee when I get home from work. Any questions?” I felt like I was sitting in a courtroom listening to my death sentence. “Is zha all?” I lisped from around the nipple. “For right now, yes,” she said. “Now you get your baby butt in that bedroom, pronto!" “Yef Mama.” With that, she stood up and pulled me up with a rustle, and I waddled noisily to the bedroom. Gabby was sitting on her bed, grinning ear to ear and, to my horror, my bed was gone, well, everything but the mattress, and what sat in its place looked like the biggest crib I'd ever seen. "You like your new bed?" Mama asked. "Man at the hardware store cut me up some staircase rails, and we nailed 'em together pretty as you please. Got a little trundle bed frame to set 'em up on too. Even got some hinges down here at the bottom and a nice little latch to let you out." She flipped the latch and swung the bottom rail open, then swatted my rearend with a terrific plastic thud. "Now you lay your butt down and stay there until I come get you in the mornin'. You get out of that crib one time tonight and I'll tan your hide, you hear?” "Yef Mama." I crawled in, and she closed the latch behind me. "Aight, Gabby," Ma said. "Let's get that wet diaper off you." "Do I have to go to bed now?" Gabby asked as she lay down. "You can stay up a little while longer, but I want the lights off at ten," Ma said as she quickly changed her. "Good night, girls," Ma said as she stood up and walked toward the door. "Gabby, you let me know if she tries to get outta there." "Yes Mama!" she said, a huge grin on her face. Mama closed the door, and Gabby stared straight at me with a bitter scowl on her face. Her eyes burned with a rage I'd never seen before, and I was more than a little nervous at what she might do. She walked over to my makeshift crib with a rustle of her own, bent her knees a bit, and smiled wickedly at me as she proceeded to wet her diaper right there on the spot. She turned around, flipped the light off, and crawled into bed.