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Critiques and Writer's Discussion
For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.
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By ValentinesStuff · Posted
https://lawandcrime-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/lawandcrime.com/high-profile/it-was-a-great-time-oath-keeper-whose-wife-told-jury-her-husband-wore-depends-adult-diaper-during-jan-6-riot-avoids-further-jail-time/amp/?amp_js_v=0.1&_gsa=1#webview=1 -
One of the best I've seen. Can't wait for more -
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Charlotte needs a little outside help, she doesn't seem to be able to solve this on her own. Who knows, maybe there's someone who has retained the original memories and is immune to the changes -
Part 2: “You will pay the piper now!” The words sounded in her mind, and they were her last memory. Everything else disappeared and her vision blurred for a few seconds. A magic vortex sucked her in. When her vision cleared, her first sensation was a cold and hard surface beneath her body. She opened her eyes and spotted the sky above her head. The sun was just setting. Leaves rustle and bird singing were the only sounds she could hear. What happened? Where was she? When she lifted her head, she could see the ruins of a castle. That place was unfamiliar, and she was lying on a stone ground near a stairwell. She realized she shouldn’t stay in the forest. Forest could be dangerous at night; and she should find some shelter before dusk. The cold stone beneath her back got uncomfortable and she tried to sit up. However, her muscles failed to respond; her arms were sitting on the ground at her sides and her legs stayed on the ground. A cold chill ran down her spine. She was paralyzed. Her arms and legs were useless. She could move her head, but she was unable to move or use her arms and hands. “HELP!” she screamed, and her voice echoed in the ruins. However, there was no answer; the place was deserted. “HELP!” “HELP!” The bird singing ceased for awhile, but that was the only response to her screams. Time was passing slowly, and darkness fell over the forest. The air cooled down and she shivered. Her throat was dry after all the screams. How long could she live without water? The cold stone beneath her was quite unpleasant and became another source of her discomfort. Her bladder filled up and the muscles relaxed. She felt the warm urine between her legs and tears appeared in her eyes out of the humiliating experience. In the dark night, her heart was beating fast, and she kept listening to the sounds and expected some wild animals like wolves or lynxes to find and attack the helpless prey. To her surprise, no animals appeared. Finally, she got exhausted, and her eyes closed. When she awoke, the sun was high above the horizon and the birds started singing again. She had survived the night, but she still was thirsty and hungry, and the back of her dress was soaked by her urine. “HELP!” “HELP!” Her voice was much weaker than the day before, but she suddenly heard steps. A young man approached her, and she experienced another shock when she didn’t know her own name. His clothing was unfamiliar, and she stared at him when he took a small thing from his pocket and talked to it. Later, three men arrived at the place and loaded her onto a gurney. One of them was a doctor and he looked surprised by her condition. They carried her down the path and loaded her into a strange wagon. She never saw anything like it. To her surprise it uttered a growling sound and got moving without any horses or oxen pulling it. The hospital was another big surprise for her. Everything was quite unfamiliar – both equipment and staff clothing. A nurse undressed and cleaned her and put something between her legs; she didn’t recognize the diaper. The nurse put a gown onto her and smiled at her. “Are you thirsty, miss?” she asked. “Yes, please. I’m hungry and thirsty. I haven’t eaten or drunk anything since yesterday.” The nurse took a glass, poured water from a bottle and helped her drink, “sorry, we don’t have any food here, but you will get something to eat later,” she explained. A doctor arrived and examined her. “What’s your name, miss? What happened to you?” “Sorry, sir, I don’t know anything. I don’t know who I am or what happened to me,” she sighed and shook her head. He examined her, kept shaking his head and left. Minutes later, the young man entered the room and made a generous offer to her. She felt an unexpected emotion and almost cried when he left. Suddenly she felt the urge to pee, and the urine soaked into the garment between her legs. She realized the purpose of it; that thing protected her clothes and the table she was lying on. The man returned along with the nurse and put her into a strange chair with wheels. That also was a very useful piece of furniture. They wheeled her to another smaller wagon and strapped her to a seat. The man took a key, turned it, and the machine uttered the same growling sound, and they drove off. “Miss,” he started the conversation, “you don’t know your name. Maybe the police will find out your identity, but it is not sure. Would you mind giving you a name? It will be easier to address you.” “Why not? I’m afraid nobody will find my family. I’m getting a bad feeling something is wrong with me. Everything is unfamiliar here,” she recalled the strange machines, clothing and the word ‘police’. She saw the officer, but she only knew army officers. “You might be right, miss. Your clothing also was strange. Nobody wears it here. It looks like you were wearing a historic costume.” “No, this is my everyday dress, Julien,” she realized another mismatch. She instinctively didn’t call him ’sir’. “These dresses belong to history, more than hundred years ago,” he replied, “let’s go back to the name. Do you have any idea about your new name?” “What about Kristen? That sounds nice to me,” she looked at Julien. “Why not? It sounds a bit ancient, but still nice; after all, it matches your dress,” he grinned. “Where are you taking me, Julien?” Kristen asked him the next question. “It is a silly question, Kristen. We are driving home,” he smiled, “maybe we will stop for shopping. You will need more clothes, at least. However, I can’t leave you alone. I will call my sister, and she will help us.” Meanwhile, they arrived at Julien’s house. The house was another shock for Kristen. She started at it wide-eyed, “is this a mansion?” “No, it is my humble house,” Julien took the wheelchair from the trunk and helped her into it and wheeled her inside. “Julien, I am hungry; I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday,” she looked at him. “I don’t have any delicatesses here, Kristen, but I can give you a piece of bread and cheese. Is it okay?” He wheeled her to the kitchen. “It is great, Julien, thanks.” He opened a strange cabinet and took a piece of cheese from it, cut off a piece of bread and fed her. To her surprise, the cheese was cold. “Thanks, Julien,” she smiled at him. “Excuse me; I have to wash your dress. It is the only piece of clothing you have,” he took the dress from the bag and left. Kristen kept looking around. She recognized several items, but most of them were unfamiliar. “Kristen, I called my sister. She will arrive soon and help you. While waiting for her, we can talk. I suppose you have a lot of questions. I noticed your astonished looks. I don’t believe in magic, but I’m almost sure you belong to another time period. I don’t know how and why you appeared here, but we have to cope with it.” “Wait,” he stopped suddenly, “an idea hit me. I’ll show you some pictures, and you tell me if you find it familiar,” he left and returned with a book and opened it. Kristen’s eyes went wide when she spotted the pictures of old mansions and medieval villages, “yeah, I lived here,” she nodded vigorously. Although she didn’t remember her name, she recognized the world where she lived. “Kristen, this is our world 300 years ago,” Julien explained. “Do you want to say that I’ve skipped 300 years?” she stared at him in utter surprise. “I don’t know how it is possible, but you probably did,” he shrugged, “welcome to future.”
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