~Brian~ Posted April 22, 2022 Share Posted April 22, 2022 Good Afternoon All: Below, I add my "journey thread" and any updates that may happen. I have been dealing with incontinence on the medical side, and the "feeling and desires" on the other side since I was 8 years old. It is hoped, that by posting it here, i can share my experiences and story with others, so they get an idea of what I go through. I plan on updating this thread with information as needed, so that you can all follow my "journey." Please feel free to comment on my thread as you wish I will UPDATE this thread as necessary with newer information I will also add additional handles as are necessary, so please do NOT hesitate to follow this thread if you wish @~Brian~ @Kif@Beccathelittle@Enthusi@Little Sherri@Evelyn Dellcerro@Transfusionelle@amorfraldaJR@philmydiaper@Little Baby Becca@DailyDi@AwakenEvil@Elfy@diaperwearntigger@Glennie@PeachiUwU CHILDHOOD ( 1-8 ish) I guess you could say that my journey began when I was a young child. From the time I was about one until the time I was eight, my mom took care of two children. Myself, always three years younger than my brother Richard. Richard was severely disabled as a result of an automobile accident. As a result Of this, he was Non-mobile, nonverbal, and had to be taken care of like a baby. My mom, taking care of me and Richard, what’s the change and inordinate amount of diapers, because from the time that I was a young baby until I got out of diapers, that was one thing she dealt with, and then of course my brother wore diapers from the time he was born until 1979, when he tragically died as a result of aspirating on his uvula I believe. We moved from our first house in the country when I was approximately four years old. After this happened, my brother started going to an impatient facility that was designed to help him, and he took care of him in this facility from The time I was four until the time he died at 10 years old. Throughout this whole entire time, my mom would still be changing his diapers, when he would come home for the weekend, and still have supplies around to take care of him. On a couple or more occasions, I would sneak his diapers, and then try to put them on, and I found that they felt good, and made me feel good. Throughout my young childhood, this was something that I always will remember, and thought to myself “something isn’t right here, I like this“. One time, my mom caught me wearing one of my brothers diapers, are trying to put one on. I told my mom the truth that it felt good, and she said “did you like it“, and then I said yes I did. She then told me that that wasn’t a good idea, took the diaper away, and that was the end of that. Throughout the rest of my childhood from about nine until I was about 15, I would still have urges like this, but I was able to control them. Even when I had my younger brothers that were in diapers I would be able to control these urges, and I kept on thinking to myself “this is wrong, but I don’t understand why I feel good“. PEDIATRIC REHAB STINTS: Long term diapering begins, And the real horrors begin Between those times when I was about six years old, I spent two stints, in pediatric rehab 75 miles away from my home in Barre Vermont. They sent me there because they wanted me to be able to have full-time therapy, and be able to have it every day, and have it be continuous for a longer period of time, thinking that it would help me get stronger. In order to get me to go there, one of the representatives of this place, called the Vermont achievement Center in Rutland Vermont, told me that I would be able to swim every day, and made it sound like Club Med, where I could get personalized attention, and be able to swim every day play basketball, have fun with kids my own age, and deal With what I deal with as my disability, while meeting others that have disabilities of varying severity, and I would be able to make friends and help them. Of course, the fantasy was nowhere near like the reality of what I dealt with. They took good care of me, they made sure I had my therapy, and they helped me in school. The downside was that I was taken out of my local school, and I was schooled 75 miles away from my classmates, my friends, my community, and I was out of the water, and I didn’t know where the hell I was. I was told what to do, I was ordered to do things, and then they ended up getting mean when we didn’t want to do something. On several occasions, they were making food that I could not stand, that I did not eat normally, and I was force-fed things that would make me sick. I didn’t like runny eggs, I didn’t like fried eggs, and there’s certain foods that would make me sick. However, they insisted. If being disabled wasn’t bad enough, being six years old wasn’t bad enough, these people sometimes had no compassion, and they would deal with you like a bratty two-year-old who says no, and then screams bloody murder: they would decide to take me, built me into my own manual wheelchair, put my support tray on, and then make it impossible for me to escape, and then they would force-feed me whatever I would not eat. When I got sick, they just got mad and the next day they would do the same thing. I had to call my father on a few occasions to get these guys to stop doing this, and they were even threatening me with retaliation if I didn’t “shut up and do as they said“ and by retaliation, I meant that they would find what I was afraid of, and use that against me. They found out what exactly I was afraid Of, and then they turned around and use it against me. I was deathly afraid of the fire alarm: the sound just scared the hell out of me, not only because I was afraid of the fire, but the fact that the fire alarm rings indicates that we must leave the building, so I was scared to death in the first place that I would probably burn up in the building, so they would use that particular fear against me to shut me up or make me comply. Not only that, but they would use the old “you have to do this“ and “you need to do this“ reasons, so I would not have a choice when they would tell me that I needed to do something or they wanted me to do something. Technically, it was them who wanted me to do something, but I didn’t need to do it, but they didn’t ask me, they would basically give me 30 seconds to a minute to comply, and then outcomes all of the gorillas trying to force you into doing it. One day when I refused to eat whatever they were serving, And after I had requested specific meals be given me, that I would eat every single time without giving them any problem, these idiots I believe tried to use a high chair to hold me, and then they would try to force feed me what they wanted me to eat. They would make fun of me because I didn’t want to eat it, and they would keep shoveling it in – after I vehemently opposed this treatment, and reported it to A supervisor, they got sick of me, and asked me to leave the room. When I tried to leave on my own power, the assholes wound me up took me to one end of the hallway and told me “if you don’t want to do as you’re told and you don’t want to eat, go to your room now”! And then they pushed me as hard as they could. I sail down the hallway and almost crashed head-on into several metal chairs, a glass table, and Bank of windows. Once I was able to regain control of my wheelchair which was flying out of control, and I ripped skin off of my hands trying to stop this ridiculousness, I yelled “you assholes are fucking dead“ or something to that effect, and I slammed my door as hard as I could. Everybody comes running down the hall, and they start yelling at me, and start saying that I was “inappropriate“ and I shouldn’t of used that language. That I said “you guys didn’t listen to me when I told you I couldn’t eat the stuff, And you wouldn’t listen to me when I told you I was afraid of the stupid fire alarm, but you use that against me, you always tell me what to do, you’re always being mean to me, and I’m sick of it. I have choices around here and you will honor them.” I basically told them that I was not going to come out of my room unless until either my father is called and I can talk to him, or he comes down to see me, and we clean house and get rid of these ridiculous many idiots that don’t understand, or they capitulate to my demands which are very easy, and they deal with it. So, my father was called: these people were telling my father all the things I said: he said that I shouldn’t have said some of the words I said, but he asked “what are you doing to my son that he would be acting like this“ and when they told him some of the things that they were doing, they neglected to say what they had done to me by sticking me under a fire alarm, or pushing me down the hallway and incredibly fast speed and almost crashing me into stationary objects. They told him that I would not eat, and that they were force-feeding me, because they were worried about me.“. My dad was furious, and asked him “what the hell are you feeding him that he won’t eat it“ and I told him that they were feeding me eggs and a whole bunch of things that my dad knows that I wouldn’t eat because that is not the type of food I. My dad told them what I would eat, and that if they were to do that and provide me those particular foods, that I would be more understanding, and I would probably do what they said. I also told my dad that I had requested A shower, and a radio at night, because I’m bored, I’m home sick, and I wanna go home but these idiots won’t let me, and they keep treating me like trash.. Dad told me he understood, and had a discussion with these “idiots” and told them and no one certain terms that I was not to be treated this way, and that I was to be given choices. I told my dad that I would do everything that they asked me to do provided they spoke to me as if I was a lot older than they thought I was, and they gave me plenty of warning, and they let me know what they wanted me to do without yelling at me, scaring me, or giving up on me and just walking off in a half. Told my dad that this place is scary, and the people here are nice, but I’m scared to death that I’m not going to get some thing that I need, or they’re going to force me. Not only that, but then the worst thing happened, and because I was disabled, going into a rehab facility, they encouraged me to use my wheelchair 24 hours a day, when I’m not in therapy. This also meant that I could not go to the bathroom as often as I would normally, and I started having accidents both ways. Then came the THICK PAMPERS - and I was put into them quote because it would be easier for them and more comfortable for you“. In actuality, they did not want me to be getting out of bed, even though I could walk when I walked in there, and I could get into bed very easily and get out without hurting myself, and I showed an individual dish. They still frowned upon it, so for most of the time that I was in the rehab facility in both situations, I was wheelchair-bound, sometimes force-fed, Diapered, and they just did it because that was the easiest way to deal with me. To say the least, I was surprised that I did not have to be re-potty trained because what they do in a rehab facility for pediatrics is probably stick everyone in diapers, similar to what they would do for an elderly person who is in a nursing facility. and then I had to deal with school anxiety: I couldn’t get my work done, my teacher wasn’t around, and everybody was forcing me to do work that I didn’t understand. I finally had enough of this, and I said and no one certain terms “get my teacher down here right now, because I’m not doing any more work until I see him or at least five of my friends, because this to me is not fun, and I’m not learning anything“ I was so mad, because most of the time it is so hard to go through school and have to deal with a disability and have people who are trying to help you, but don’t really know how to help you or what to do to help you, and while I needed to go to the pediatric rehab centers, I needed to be able to see my teacher: I was 70 miles away, I wasn’t interacting with any of my friends, and I was missing my family which is making it almost as bad as if I was in “baby jail“ so for 14 weeks of my life, I was wheelchair-bound “diapered, force-fed, and basically treated like I didn’t have a brain and I was an invalid. During this time, I think that was part of the reason why I became a diaper lover, because that’s what I wore, and that was “acceptable“ because we were young kids and they didn’t want to take us to the bathroom. I even had my friend tell me horror stories of bad things that happened in there, and I’m glad that I got out when I did, but I still have trauma from that stay, but I guess The only thing that helped me through this entire episode, was the fact that my diapers never let me down, and certain individuals who took care of me, make sure that I was clean, dry, happy, and I was able to enjoy going outside. I remember one thing quite fondly because there was a playground that was at the other end of the facility, which was approximately four wings away from the therapy unit. Because this was a specialized unit for people that were disabled, they had all of the specialized equipment to take care of anybody from birth almost all the way up to adulthood. This was considered the “unit“ and it was residential. Anybody that needed long-term care was sent here, and was dealt with like you were in a hospital. There were good times there, but to me most of them were bad. Now, back to the thing I was talking about before, and that is that we found a playground at the other end of the facility. This playground with specialized in that allowed people that we’re totally disabled the ability to do things that kids that aren’t disabled could do. By this I mean, they can use the monkey bars, ride to Merry go round, or go on the swings, or other types of activities. because I was disabled, I cannot use a normal swing that is like either a swing seat or a wooden seat. When I was a kid, I had my own swing, and I would go with my dad outside, and he would put me in the swing, and be with me all the time, so it wouldn’t matter if I fell off because he would catch me. When you’re in a rehab facility like this, and you have people that are profoundly disabled, or maybe even just severely disabled, you try to find ways to allow kids to enjoy those type of activities. So, some genius came up with the idea that all kids should be able to use the swings colon to that end, they reinforced about five different swings on a swingset: what they would do is they would take regular car seats, that are used for babies, and they would make them big enough for people as all that is like 15 to be able to sit in, and they would be dealt it in like you would be if you were a baby in a car seat. You wouldn’t be going anywhere in a car, but when you are fully restrained in this seat, you are then able to be pushed by a person behind you that is in a standing position, and you are able to enjoy the swings without hurting yourself, or having you fall out. They set me up in one of these special swings, and I had Fun doing this, because I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t fall out, and the only thing I had to make sure of was that I wasn’t sick. Because of the things that they were able to do at Vermont Achievement Center, I was able to enjoy some of the activities that my peers that were non-disabled were able to enjoy, and I always had fond memories of my brother, because he lived in the facility that was down the street. I kind of wish that we could’ve brought him to VAC, And set him up in a car seat like that, and allow him and I do actually enjoy swinging. Although, this did not happen because my brother died in April 1979, so he did not get to enjoy this. FAMILY PHILOSOPHY our family philosophy was easy: allow the kids to live the best life they can, and deal with it as it comes. My brother because of his disability wore diapers all of his life, and because most of the people that took care of me understood this, and my grandparents dealt with a disabled daughter, this was common place, and wearing diapers was no big deal. I can’t tell you the number of times that I had an accident, and they were just say “no problem Brian will take care of you“ and it was done, and there was no Bad feelings or anything like this. However, as I grew older, sometimes I would have their “feelings come back really strong“ and there was no real way for me to deal with it appropriately. A couple times I even stole some diapers so that I could attempt to do what I did when I was eight years old. I don’t know why I felt that way, but I knew for some reason I like them and that my feelings were always be there, but I didn’t know if it was OK to feel that way. QUESTIONING WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY so for years, I would suppress that feeling, and I wouldn’t allow my body to act on it. That changed somewhat when I turned 23, in 1995. When I moved out on my own, I would eventually be able to get baby diapers, and be able to “indulge“ in some of the things that I thought were taboo, or bad, or things that you don’t do. I don’t know why it felt so good, but every once in a while the drive was in surmountable, and I had to act on it. I’m not sure why diapers felt good, I don’t know why I felt guilty because I did that, but it was just something that was in my head. One day, I was searching the Internet and found other sites that dealt with infantilism, and what that meant, and found that adults wearing diapers was more common than I imagined. I knew that disabled wore them, and I knew that some adults wore them because they had no control, but I had no idea that they were anyone that would be considered a “adult baby“ or “a diaper lover“. During the search, I found this site, daily diapers, and I don’t know if that was when I was closer to 30, because I’m not even sure if it was around when it happened. I then found out that there were people that liked wearing diapers, and that it made them feel good, and that it was not uncommon. I also found the door people who like to dress up as girls, or like to be or pretend to be baby girls, and the whole list: I knew now that I was not “Weird“ or “strange“ or “broken“, but that something had been validated in my head, letting me know that I was not crazy. This started me on the journey that began when I was 23. From about 24 until 46, I would have these urges, and then be able to deal with them. Sometimes I would go down and I would get adult diapers, and before adult diapers were available in stores, I would eventually pick up a couple packages of baby diapers, and allow myself to indulge and take care of the “urges” that my current diapers help me to deal with today. I didn’t advertise that I felt this way, and I kept it under wraps, because I was Evelyn Dellcerro would tell me, They would think something was wrong with you and want to “send you away” I did not want this to happen, and I don’t know why I felt the way I did, but I tried my best to keep that at bay. I was successful, but I knew that having cerebral palsy, that eventually I may end up being in a position where I would need to use them again. STRUGGLES WITH INCONTINENCE AND FEELINGS Skip ahead to June 2019: for some reason, I had a flareup of IBS and a diagnosis of diverticulitis. This started as a severe, and very annoying case of diarrhea that was really runny. This means that I was running to the bathroom every few minutes, or I’d fill my pants. For some reason, my diverticulitis and my IBS were working overtime, and we’re causing me no end of trouble. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would be woken up at ungodly hours of the morning, For example say I have to go to the bathroom at say 9 PM. I go in there, and then I sit there for 15 minutes: I do my business, and then I walk back out, and then try to go back to sleep. 15 minutes later, I would be back up in the bathroom, and end up continuing what I started, and this would continue for a 15 minute intervals all night long, or until I was able to get rid of what was causing the issue. This would result in some mornings where I would get up at 11 PM, and then would not be able to get back in bed until one in the morning. I then would run into a situation where I would be sitting in my chair, and I would feel the need to go, and I would think I have to get up to go number two, and just as I said I have to… It would already happen, I would already have matched my pants, and I would not be able to complete transit from my recliner to the bathroom. This continue to happen 10 or 15 times in a row, and I just got sick of it and had to deal with it. And then, when that was over with, there were times when I would be sitting in bed, and I would have a tranquility ATN on. I would use it to go number one, and then when I’m done change the diaper. I would then end up having an accident in the diaper, or I wouldn’t be able to change it fast enough, and I would have a mess in my bed. At that point, I got sick of it, called my doctor, had an appointment made, and told him that I wanted him to prescribe me diapers, he praised me for having the courage and the guts to come to tell him that, prescribe me the prevail air diapers, which only used the cheapest stuff possible, and then after two weeks I ended up asking him for The best diapers available, which were the mega maxes, and that was granted, and the state agreed with me. FATE, AND MY DECISION TO USE DIAPERS TO DEAL WITH INCONTINENCE AND MY FEELINGS So in June 2019, all of these weird things culminated in me finally deciding that in August 2019, that I’ve had enough, and I asked him for diapers. After about two months of using the cheapest available, I was able to convince the state that I needed plastic bag diapers, telling them what they were giving me was not considered a “diaper” and that I will told them to go to rears.ca and other particular Adult diaper website to tell them and show them what the actual adult diaper was. Because this was not cutting it, and I was not dealing with this well. Not only that, but in August, I had my doctor physically write in my medical records my diagnoses, so that no one would be able to tell me that I was not incontinent both directions. This is similar to enthusi, did with his doctor. now, nobody messes with that: they understand that I’m incontinent, and even when I was dealing with my own feelings about whether I had made the right choice, I had a long discussion with my Quetion nature, and she told me that “there was nothing for me to worry about don’t worry about it, it’s common, it happens, you need them, you’ll get them“ this case manager that I’ve had is like a Florence Nightingale, like a angel in disguise, a lady that really understands what is going on, and can make things happen within her means. I couldn’t have done this without her, and I feel as if I am “complete now“. There were nights that I would wait like a week and worry about what the heck I was dealing with, or whether somebody was thinking I was crazy. In 2020, I made the final decision to go 24 seven, and that was because I was worrying about everything under the sun, and I needed to unwind, and re-prioritize what I need to worry about. Incontinence was not one thing that I would need to worry about, so long as I had the right stuff to deal with it. I was also dealing with extreme stress and I lost several of my friends, or I hadn’t seen my family for a long long long time. When I finally came to the realization that diapers were the right choice, I told my father and told him that I was having problems, and I asked what he thought of it, and he said “don’t worry about it bud if you need them, it’s understandable, and so your stepmother also agrees“ EPILOUGE: My Diapers are here to stay for the epilogue: I am still wearing diapers, and I believe that wearing them 24 hours a day seven days a week is the best thing for me. I don’t even worry anymore, because if I need to wet, or I need to mess, I have the ability to do it. It took me so long to get here, and it took me so long to understand what it is that I was trying to deal with, but I finally was able to accept it as part of what makes me myself. I got tired of wet Pants, beds, messy pants or beds, or just the fact that my body sometimes decides that it’s gonna happen whether I’m ready for it or not. It only took me a few shots, but now if I need to, I am not worried about messing myself, because the diaper is there for that reason, and each time that I have a flareup or a problem, I say “that’s why I have the diapers” and I’m so damn glad that I have them now. I am not sure what would’ve happened if I had not made that choice: I want to be safe, I want to be happy: and I am: it kinda reminds me of having an extreme shot of adrenaline, or some thing that makes me feel really really really good inside. Now, I could put myself in a diaper, or someone could help me, and I don’t feel guilty, are used to feel the guilt all the time, because I figured that there was something that was going on, and I wasn’t sure why I felt that way, but I realized that I am wired the way I am, and there’s nothing that’s going to change that. As long as I do what I do and do it in appropriate manner, I have nothing to fear: I just got sick of having to hide what the true me was, and I had to work through it to determine what I actually felt, but now I feel as if I know what it is, and that is why I am here. Friends like you are easy to make, because you understand what it is that we go through, and because of your own journey it makes it easier for me to continue on my own. (Consolidated from @Beccathelittle's thread - Added April 22, 2022 @15:25 EDT) update on my training: I’ve been 24 seven ever since The beginning of 2020. There are times when I end up having a lot of wet accidents, and then there are times where I just have a few BM’s. Yesterday, I ate dinner and then I ended up having a blowout which I had to deal with, but I’m glad that I have the diaper, because that helps me immensely. You may have to clean it up, but at least having a diaper on keeps that stuff at bay. I don’t know if my stomach has been causing some of this issue, because every few minutes it makes funny noises, like it’s digesting something which is normal, but I still wonder sometimes if my stomach is screwed up because of something else. Last night it came so fast I couldn’t stop it and then it made me cramp up and then Force eject. i’ve noticed that most times my pee, feels like either it comes out slow and then moderate, and then other times it comes out real fast. What happens is as it starts to burn then it hurts quote then it just opens up and it feels like a river exploding in my pants. This is exactly what I want as far as being able to release, but I hope that if I have my bladder drain out that fast, hopefully I don’t flood the diaper out: I’ve done that before he he ? If I haven’t said it before I’ll say it again: diapers of save my life, and I love them a lot: when you can’t sleep some nights or you’re in pain, a diaper is like an angel because you can use it and then change it out. It’s pretty cool that I was able to do this, and that I was finally able to accept that I am incontinent and I am a diaper lover, so I just let it go. It feels good to release, especially if you are under stress because you can release all of the stress every Time you use the diaper, and that, in my opinion, is one of the best things, with everything you release, you feel better because you don’t have to worry. I am trying my best to do what I know to be right, and I’m hoping that I will be able to continue my training as well. There’s no reason for me to be running and hurting myself so I diaper is my choice, and I’m glad I did it! Congrats to those are who are continuing to train, and who have “graduated the training“ most times you have to deal with life, so your training time might be limited, but once you get past the training stage, and you accept it, then you are halfway home. I think I’m almost there at least, but I’m not quite sure. One thing I am quite sure of is that my diapers are my friend, and that is what I will use. As I said, I’m sick and tired of trying to run or trying to move real fast and then end up on the floor because of this. Diapers allow me to sleep andd deal with feelings and the incontinence, and it’s cool but I’m able to finally come to the realization the diapers and I are old friends, and I don’t want to give them up! Brian 3 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted April 22, 2022 Author Share Posted April 22, 2022 (Consolidated from @Beccathelittle's thread - Added April 22, 2022 @16:03 EDT) I also don’t want to detract from Becca‘s thread, nor do I want to clog up others threads with information that is not relevant to the topic at hand. To that end, I will probably post my own “journeys thread“ very shortly. It is my hope however, that because I have had my particular “ struggles with what I deal with“ that people don’t think any less of me. There are many things that are on my mind, and many of them have been spinning around in it for weeks. We all are here because we are either started our journey, continuing our journey, or we have accepted ourselves for who we are, and our journey has changed, or something has happened to each of us to make us realize that we must make choices that make our lives better. I can assure you however, that my struggle is “real” and there’s not a “desire”. I do have “desires”, and I have feelings, and have struggles with those feelings for years, but I do deal with incontinence on a daily basis, and have had to come to the realization that the best thing that has for me is to go 24 seven with diapers, I have made that decision after dealing with incontinence, accidents, IBS, diverticulitis, and the fact that I have not been able to sleep very well for a long time. What I post is something that I share with you all, because I believe that it will help others, and each of us is on our own journey, and as such we can help others as they progress through the journey, because each one of us starts down the same road, and it is straight for a while, but after a while it might diverge, and we might go down to short cuts, and we might take the long way around, but eventually, the road Stops right here, at daily diapers, at Mikey’s front door, and we have a lot of stories and other types of information that we can share with others. It is always been my intention to be as helpful and as open and honest as I possibly can. Sometimes, we all disagree with what someone says, or whether someone is being honest, but I can be 100% open and honest by telling you that what I am telling you is the gods honest truth. Daily diapers is the one place that I feel safe, and the one place that understands exactly what we go through. To that end I will continue to help people who need assistance or guidance, or just to talk to someone who has been down the road people have been traveling. We all start at the beginning of the road, we run into bumps in the road, we go around the bumps in the road, we run into good people that can help us: everyone has their struggles and their stories to tell, and it is my hope that through the forms, we can enrich someone else’s life by telling them the struggles that we face or face or continue to deal with on a daily basis, and have people understand that diapers are not just for those who are incontinent, they are for those who wish to wear them, who have medical reasons for wearing them, and sometimes they are for psychological or comfort reasons, and we should not diminish the reason for someone wanting to wear them. Whether you be an adult baby, a diaper lover, or whatever it is that you identify as, we all share the same thing in common: we wear diapers for whatever reason, that’s why we are here. I ask that people remember to be respectful of everyone’s desires and everyone’s struggles, also remembering that there are people who are disabled, who are incontinent and deal with this on a daily basis, and that is also a reason people wear diapers: if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this place, it is that we are tolerant of peoples opinions, or their beliefs, or what they think, and as far as I’m concerned, this is home, the one place that I can feel comfortable discussing things that I used to think were things that were not discussed. if I was to place my journeys thread here on the system, where should that be? Brian 1 Link to comment
Kif Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 Thanks for sharing, Brian! (going to copy from PMs a bit) I can relate a lot those struggles with bodily autonomy and people in authority and they suck a lot. It takes courage to share that story, and I'm glad you aren't in that situation anymore at least with those people. But I guess having to fight with the system to get coverage / help was at least productive in that sense rather than just enduring those horrible people. Also, it's really cool to see it from a perspective like yours -- somebody that had desires to be in diapers before becoming incontinent, and then struggling with and accepting those feelings even in the face of pragmatic continence issues (not through untraining). It goes to show how important it is to be able to share that here, and how diversity of experiences and how incon desires don't just include folks like me with good-enough continence (and deliberately working to lessen or remove that) but also folks that had those desires but had to deal with incontinence through no deliberate effort on their part. It's interesting how despite those two very different paths, the emotions and struggles with acceptance, guilt, coping, etc. are so strikingly similar. Anyway, again thanks for sharing! 2 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted April 24, 2022 Author Share Posted April 24, 2022 (edited) @Kif On 4/24/2022 at 2:17 PM, Kif said: Thanks for sharing, Brian! (going to copy from PMs a bit) I can relate a lot those struggles with bodily autonomy and people in authority and they suck a lot. It takes courage to share that story, and I'm glad you aren't in that situation anymore at least with those people. But I guess having to fight with the system to get coverage / help was at least productive in that sense rather than just enduring those horrible people. Also, it's really cool to see it from a perspective like yours -- somebody that had desires to be in diapers before becoming incontinent, and then struggling with and accepting those feelings even in the face of pragmatic continence issues (not through untraining). It goes to show how important it is to be able to share that here, and how diversity of experiences and how incon desires don't just include folks like me with good-enough continence (and deliberately working to lessen or remove that) but also folks that had those desires but had to deal with incontinence through no deliberate effort on their part. It's interesting how despite those two very different paths, the emotions and struggles with acceptance, guilt, coping, etc. are so strikingly similar. Anyway, again thanks for sharing! Good Afternoon, and thanks for the response! It means a lot! Part of my main concern about this entire story, was that at the beginning, me being six years old, and being disabled, in need of long-term physical therapy, at a different facility, then my home facilities, made me nervous. As I stated above, they made it sound like this place they wanted to send me was “Club Med“, because they wanted me to be able to swim every day, they told me I could make new friends, play basketball, play with toys, go outside and enjoy myself, and just be a kid, and the only difference is that I would have a specialized help because of my disability. I was excited about this, but in the back of my mind, I always remembered what happened to my brother Richard. Richard was disabled as a result of an accident, and needed specialized care, and went to a local facility called Brandon training school. This is where he lived from the time he was four until he was 10. my brother had to live at the facility, because he had special needs that were easily taken care of by the people that were there. Of course, my parents would miss visit them, and sometimes we would be able to take him home for the weekend, so I could be with my brother and we wouldn’t have to be at the facility. When I went to this new place called VAC, I was told that it would be different from the place where my brother was, and that I would not need that type of assistance, but mine would be specialized, and they know that I’m not as bad off as he was. During the conversation, I was asked several questions, and I was told that I would be able to make the final decision: little did I know that inside that decision would be a little bit of truth and a lot of deception. Sure, I could play basketball insurer, I could swim and have fun with my friends: the thing that they didn’t tell me was there a whole bunch of “gorillas“ they just acted like fools and they wanted us to do it a certain way, and they wanted to do it their way, and right now! They would use their authority against us, and then try to scare us into compliance. When I walked into that place, I was totally confident, continent, mobile, and able to do a lot for myself, because I was taught how to do that, because of all the therapy either physical, occupational, speech or other. within about two weeks of being in a place like this, I was encouraged to use my wheelchair, and then I started wetting myself, messing myself, and then outcome the diapers in a way I went colon then they started using my fears against me, ordering me around, forcing me to do things, and a whole bunch of other things that should not have been done, but in the 70s, they were allowed to do almost anything, as long as your parents agreed: none of us being kids were able to say “wait a minute that isn’t right“, because once that was done our parents would be able to use their power to override us. so, because of my disability, and because of the way things happen, I guess that’s how it started. Mistreatment, fear, and then using someone’s weakness against them, and encouraging them to become wheelchair dependent and diaper dependent as well. I guess that’s why part of it is that I was the way I am, and when I was eight, they just felt good, and diapers were some things that were used to take care of it. Because they didn’t want us to go to the bathroom, by ourselves, and they didn’t want us to walk, they ended up basically having us use a wheelchair, and then they were diapers when they noticed that we were making a messes. so I guess the Incontinence desire was there because I like diapers: I was also forced to use them, because no one wanted to take us to the bathroom unless they really had the time, and that sometimes was the wrong way to do it. I have no problem doing what they want us to do, but when they started throwing their authority around, scaring people, and make a nice sound like the bad guys, that’s where I had to draw the line. Yes, I have desires, and yes, I like diapers – however, because of my disability, I have tried real hard not to let them “Override“ what we feel like. I knew I had the desires, I knew I had the feelings, but I wasn’t sure how to handle them. Over my lifetime, I’ve had several instances where incontinence come back full force, and when I was 23, I finally realized that this was something that was “real“ and not something that was strange or funny or anything like this. In 2019, I started having problems with my incontinence going haywire, and not being able to control it, and not being able to Sleep, and all of that stuff. I found it would be easier safer and more convenient for me to have a diaper on 24 hours a day, and then just deal with it as it needs to be. It started out as a desire, and it always has been there, but now I am incontinent because of my disability, And I have to understand that I am what I am, and I am who I am, and I feel the way I feel. Part of the problem was I didn’t know exactly why the heck I felt the way I did: I had the guilt, shame, and all that stuff, and thought to myself “why the heck do I feel this way?“ I feel this way because of intense feelings, desires, and because of something that set me off as a kid. I also realize that diapers are not that bad, and part of the problem is that there is a “stigma“ that is attached to wearing a diaper because of the fact that it is used by someone who has no Control over the bodily functions. Technically I am functionally incontinent in a diaper lover, but because of my use of diapers to deal with the situation, it covers all of the things that I was trying to deal with (feelings/desires/dreams, etc.) that I had to deal with all of my life: all of my life I have thought that this was “wrong“, and then when I realized what was going on, I finally realized that there is nothing wrong with what is going on, and I just need to understand that I am who I am, and I am wired the way I am. I’ve always had the desires, I just find a way to deal with them in an appropriate manner. Now that I am fully incontinent, I don’t have to hide the desire, I don’t have to lie to anyone, I don’t have to make up something, I don’t have to pretend to be something that I’m not, and I don’t have to worry about getting caught, because somebody finds out something, because I am incontinent. I have accepted it: I am a functional diaper lover, with Cerebral Palsy, Who has always found The feelings to be interesting: feelings that I don’t know if I have any control over, because they just come out: now that I can wear diapers 24 seven, I don’t even have to worry about them: diapers feel good help me deal with that feeling, but they also help me deal with the medical end of this. This is important. This is what I always try to say to people who say that The feelings that we experience may not be “real feelings”. Just because you have desires, does not mean that you are any different from someone who has feelings because you like pizza or something else that you really enjoy. I am incontinent and I have the feelings that I always have had, end it is not fake, or made up, or other types of words that would describe what you deal with. The feelings are always there. The feelings will be there, and they sometimes will override your entire psyche, and you will be forced – forced – forced – to deal with the feelings that are coming forward. Sometimes they are uncontrollable, and sometimes they are wicked strong. I am lucky, because having a disability, and having other issues that I deal with, incontinence is easy to deal with, as long as you know what you are doing, and can deal with it. Because of my incontinence, I wear diapers anyway, so why not allow myself to fully say “I’m incontinent, I have the feelings, it feels good, let’s do it.“ Diapers also provide me with a safety valve, and allow me to be able to do things that I need to do, and I have to worry about what people think, say, believe, or people that think that The feelings aren’t there, or the desires aren’t there. Now that I am incontinent , it is my reality, and I can deal with my desires in an appropriate manner, without causing undue harm to myself. The hardest thing that I have to do is to accept what it is that I’m dealing with, and then once accepting it, just immerse myself in it, and deal with it. There are times in life when bad things happen, and maybe the bad things that happened to me where the trigger that made it so that diapers were more and more of a desire. They were a necessity when I was a kid, but because of me being in a facility, and because they want us to be safe, I would insist that we use diapers, or use our wheelchairs or whatever, and they wouldn’t be taking us to the bathroom as often as they should. I am just lucky that I was able to remain team continents for 47 years – as I get older, it is harder to deal with, but it is easy to deal with it this way. I’m almost 50, and this it’s still on a journey that I am dealing with, but you have to start somewhere. in my case, I was incontinent throughout my life: functionally Incontinent, and purposefully kept incontinent for my own safety. Diapers or something but I used every day, so I guess I get used to them, and I felt good when I had them on, I felt safe, in a place like VAC, safety or something that I was looking for. After I dealt with the problem is they dealt with, and straighten them out, it wasn’t so bad, but I’ve been wearing diapers for most of my life anyway, and I think that my feelings and my desires a deep-rooted: @Evelyn Dellcerro Started her journey at 13, and I had the feelings that I had when I was eight years old. There’s nothing wrong with these desires or feelings, it’s just the way that you deal with them. You have to start somewhere to understand what the heck you’re feeling, why you feel that way. Now that I understand why I feel the way I feel, it’s easier for me to just accept it. I don’t care if I pee my pants for the rest of my life, I don’t care if I mess myself for the rest of my life, but I am incontinent, and whether I started it as a desire, or a medical reasoning, I have the desires, and now I have the reality – people have to realize that some people have the reality of medical incontinence, while others may have the dream or desire for incontinence. Nowhere what I ever say or allude to the fact that someone should not feel the way they do: throughout my life, I have been trying to understand why in the hell I felt the way I did, and why diapers are such comforting to me, maybe it was because somebody was taking care of me in a good way, loving me, nurturing me, dealing with me and just dealing with it: maybe it’s the trigger of the smell, or the texture of the garment, or the way it looks, or where I was, or something like that. When I read a story, some of the things that I imagine were things that I’ve already dealt with, so I end up seeing/experiencing what someone else in the story is dealing with, because I’ve already dealt with it. People can be incontinent medically, and have the incontinence desire: they can coexist: the only differences that everyone Hass to understand that each person has their own reasons for their own decisions, and the reasons that their journeys take the parts they do. Regardless of how we got here, we’re all incontinent for some reason, nothing will change the way I feel, and nothing will change my medical diagnoses. I am glad the daily diapers is here, because without them, I would not have understood why or how I ended up feeling the way I did. Yes @KifEach of us has a different path to get here: mine was kind of hellacious, but I’m glad I finally made it here: I don’t have to worry anymore, I don’t have to feel like I am “broken” or “weird” or any of that stuff. Each of us has reason for being here, and has a unique story to share. Mind me sound like a horror novel, but I can assure you that when you were 6, 7 or eight years old you basically listen to adults, because you have been assured that they are trustworthy, and that they will take care of you. When you find out that they will take care of you, but they will be mean and other bad things, you lose focus, and you wonder if you will be safe. Diapers allow me to be safe, and maybe that is the same idea as others here, who allow diapers to be their safety zone, protecting them from something. There’s nothing that I can’t achieve, and part of the deal is that regardless how we got here, we all have our dreams/desires/stories/beliefs: and as long as we can respect one another, I have no problem with it. I do not want anyone getting hurt doing this, but I can understand why people think the way they think, because it sometimes is something that They have to pursue because of the way they are. We all are disabled in someway, sometimes a disability is something you can see, something you can qualify, and other times a disability is something that you cannot qualify quantify or see. Why they’re so mean, if someone or look at me, I’m sitting in a wheelchair, so if somebody would probably think that I am disabled because of the way I look, or what I’m sitting in or on. Other people may be disabled, but they don’t look like they are, and that can be where people can get into a “bear trap” I am proud of what I have learned about myself in the last 50 years: it took a lot of understanding and compassion, and ability to assess the situation that you deal with. I believe that I am also a good judge of character, and I can tell you that some of the things that are the hardest to deal with are things that you might think are ridiculous, or somethings that you cannot understand. There are disabilities out there that I don’t understand, but it is not for me to say whether or not someone is or is not disabled. However, I can assure you that my journey has been full of interesting things, I’ve met a bunch of interesting people, and I’m not done yet. Most of the people that I deal with understand what I deal with, and there may be others that may misunderstand what I am saying, or they may think that I “don’t understand“. I believe in being tolerant to others, and trying to understand what they’re going through. Being disabled, that is a challenge in and of itself. Sometimes it is hard to understand what you were going through, or why you were going through it. One of the easiest things that I did was to accept my incontinence. It is the easiest of my conditions to deal with, and does not require me to do anything out of the ordinary other than to maintain and deal with this issue. I’ll respect everyone that goes through what they go through, even if I may not understand it – this is why it is important sometimes to ask people what they are dealing with so you have a better understanding of what it is that they deal with. I can tell you that I deal with functional incontinence and being a diaper lover, and that does not mean that I don’t have the desire, or other desires, because I can assure you that I do: sometimes they are overwhelming, and they’re not gonna stop calling what I have to do is be able to deal with them, and I’ve dealt with it in an appropriate manner in an open manner, and I am being truthful while I’m doing so. Brian Edited June 10, 2022 by ~Brian~ Word Edits Link to comment
zzyzx Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 4 hours ago, Kif said: Also, it's really cool to see it from a perspective like yours -- somebody that had desires to be in diapers before becoming incontinent, and then struggling with and accepting those feelings even in the face of pragmatic continence issues (not through untraining). It goes to show how important it is to be able to share that here, and how diversity of experiences and how incon desires don't just include folks like me with good-enough continence (and deliberately working to lessen or remove that) but also folks that had those desires but had to deal with incontinence through no deliberate effort on their part. It's interesting how despite those two very different paths, the emotions and struggles with acceptance, guilt, coping, etc. are so strikingly similar. Anyway, again thanks for sharing! @Kif Yes, the emotional and struggles with acceptance, etc. I believe hits both sides of the street (incontinent not by choice vs AB/DL desires first and dealing with that). When adult onset of secondary nocturnal enuresis set in for me, I decided I wasn't going to keep me from doing things. While I did take time to research and try to get "back to normal", that failed... In dealing with this, I also found "the young boy" in me has resurfaced.... So, acceptance of where I'm at also has unleashed at least some DL in me. And if you had asked me about AB/DL prior to looking for solutions to the enuresis onset, I would have given you a quizzical look and said "What?" or something similar. And looking with hind sight I know I was exposed three times to the fetish without knowing it, prior to the break in normal (for me) night time continence... And (in part as an engineer), I look for practical ways to deal with the situation... And to be honest, the fetish side has developed items I need to better manage the situation which are mostly ignored on the medical side. 2 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted June 5, 2022 Author Share Posted June 5, 2022 (edited) UPDATE (June 5, 2022): I have noticed that I am now apparently wetting more and more, and a few times, have succeeded in flooding the diaper, which means that if I am NOT wearing a Garywear or a Trifecta Cover, I will soak, or almost soak what I am wearing: This most likely means that I am probably more comfortable in releasing when I need to: I sometimes have days when I don't WANT to try to get up and go across the room, so this has resulted in more wet diapers. As far as Messing: I have done that a few times, but not as often as having wet diapers. When I was sick this winter, I just used the diaper all the way, and I was SOOOO relieved However, there have been times when I mess myself, and I am so GLAD I made the decision I did in 2020 - I can't really expect that I will ALWAYS make the toilet, so I let the diaper take care of it - when that happens, I look around and say "There WAS a REASON that I did that, and I won't second guess the results." With a diaper on, I don't have to worry about WHEN, WHERE, WHY, or HOW I will take care of the situation, but I usually carry my Go Bag, and it is ready if it is needed. I sometimes think of the old me: The guy that was worrying about EVERYTHING, STRESS was wicked high, and I needed to take stock in what was going on - I can tell you that the last month has been high stress, and I am glad that My Dad and my Stepmom have been supportive - I can do many things, but I have to ACCEPT that I age, or that I have a disability, but it DOES NOT have me - I am Incontinent, and I am a DL, and diapers help me to deal with BOTH the incontinence and the FEELINGS I've dealt with since I was 8 years old - I am happier now, because I don't have to HIDE it, and I don't have to feel guilty, ashamed, ridiculed, embarrassed, humiliated, or shunned - It is part of what happens when you are disabled, and your body changes: I will NOT sit back and let my body fail me, but I WILL NOT let incontinence or my disability STOP me from being the man I want to be, and sometimes I want to say "F____ It" to individuals that are SO insensitive that they would say things that RUIN a time when I can get together to celebrate a HAPPY Time, and for EACH good thing I say, a NEGATIVE Reaction happens: Sometimes, I wish I could make an @Evelyn Dellcerro and an @Transfusionelle robot, and KICK all negativity out of these individuals: People wonder why I am online all the time, or I don't go HOME anymore! I am glad my "online family" is behind me, as well as my medical, case management and support teams: I work HARD, and I go FULL DIVE into my work, I don't need this type of stress, so I try and deal with it the best I can, but It HURTS sometimes REALLY REALLY HURTS - sometimes I wonder.......... Thank GOD for my diapers, I would be a MESS without them: I don't stress about that anymore, I just WISH I could change something I can't change - That makes it hard Brian Edited June 5, 2022 by ~Brian~ Added Punctuation edits 2 Link to comment
Kawaharu Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 18 hours ago, ~Brian~ said: UPDATE (June 5, 2022): I have noticed that I am now apparently wetting more and more, and a few times, have succeeded in flooding the diaper, which means that if I am NOT wearing a Garywear or a Trifecta Cover, I will soak, or almost soak what I am wearing: This most likely means that I am probably more comfortable in releasing when I need to: I sometimes have days when I don't WANT to try to get up and go across the room, so this has resulted in more wet diapers. As far as Messing: I have done that a few times, but not as often as having wet diapers. When I was sick this winter, I just used the diaper all the way, and I was SOOOO relieved However, there have been times when I mess myself, and I am so GLAD I made the decision I did in 2020 - I can't really expect that I will ALWAYS make the toilet, so I let the diaper take care of it - when that happens, I look around and say "There WAS a REASON that I did that, and I won't second guess the results." With a diaper on, I don't have to worry about WHEN, WHERE, WHY, or HOW I will take care of the situation, but I usually carry my Go Bag, and it is ready if it is needed. I sometimes think of the old me: The guy that was worrying about EVERYTHING, STRESS was wicked high, and I needed to take stock in what was going on - I can tell you that the last month has been high stress, and I am glad that My Dad and my Stepmom have been supportive - I can do many things, but I have to ACCEPT that I age, or that I have a disability, but it DOES NOT have me - I am Incontinent, and I am a DL, and diapers help me to deal with BOTH the incontinence and the FEELINGS I've dealt with since I was 8 years old - I am happier now, because I don't have to HIDE it, and I don't have to feel guilty, ashamed, ridiculed, embarrassed, humiliated, or shunned - It is part of what happens when you are disabled, and your body changes: I will NOT sit back and let my body fail me, but I WILL NOT let incontinence or my disability STOP me from being the man I want to be, and sometimes I want to say "F____ It" to individuals that are SO insensitive that they would say things that RUIN a time when I can get together to celebrate a HAPPY Time, and for EACH good thing I say, a NEGATIVE Reaction happens: Sometimes, I wish I could make an @Evelyn Dellcerro and an @Transfusionelle robot, and KICK all negativity out of these individuals: People wonder why I am online all the time, or I don't go HOME anymore! I am glad my "online family" is behind me, as well as my medical, case management and support teams: I work HARD, and I go FULL DIVE into my work, I don't need this type of stress, so I try and deal with it the best I can, but It HURTS sometimes REALLY REALLY HURTS - sometimes I wonder.......... Thank GOD for my diapers, I would be a MESS without them: I don't stress about that anymore, I just WISH I could change something I can't change - That makes it hard Brian That’s why I’m so glad that I’m kept in diapers. I don’t have to worry about running to potty anymore and I can let go in my diapers anytime my body needs to. Being kept in diapers, I’m so use to pooping and peeing in them that they become normal for me. I don’t worry about making it to the potty because that’s what diapers are there for. 1 Link to comment
DiaperboyEddie12 Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 @~Brian~ wow I have never seen a so detailed journey thread in my life. I was able to read some of it but since I have dyslexia it is hard reading word for word. I appreciate your thoughts on the topic and share your own experience. One day I will have my own journey thread. 1 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted July 19, 2022 Author Share Posted July 19, 2022 On 6/24/2022 at 11:51 AM, DiaperboyEddie12 said: @~Brian~ wow I have never seen a so detailed journey thread in my life. I was able to read some of it but since I have dyslexia it is hard reading word for word. I appreciate your thoughts on the topic and share your own experience. One day I will have my own journey thread. @DiaperboyEddie12 thank you for the compliment! I guess you could say that my journey is one of good parts and bad parts. By this I mean that there was a reason to go to rehab, and they helped me with a lot of different things, but with all good things come the bad, and one of the things that I hated was the fact that they will order me around and I didn't have any freedom of expression or choice. Most of my young adult life, I have always been trying to prove something to someone. This may be anything from being able to prove that I am able to do similar work that my classmates used to do, or just proving that I can do something that someone says I can't. All my life I've been told that if I put my mind to anything, I can achieve it. No one says it's gonna be easy, and I understand that from the beginning, but it just seems as if when I was a young kid I had this humongous mountain to overcome because there were things that happened to me that would never happen to a regular teenager or a young kid. How many young kids would have to go 70 miles away from home, and then have to learn how to do school work and a different environment, using the same teachers and the same expectations that they would expect out of me at home, without having my teacher or my support systems available. Several times I had gotten to the point where I just felt like giving up, and the reason I did that was because I wanted to make a statement to the people who are supposedly my teachers 70 miles away. I told them that I would not do anything more for schoolwork until I see my teacher and at least five of my closest friends which I wanted to be able to make a trip down to see me. I got my wish, but I kept pushing it because I didn't think that I was going to be able to complete my schooling there and be able to pass. There were several attempts that were made to try to help me, and I kept on telling the people at VAC, where I was staying that if I did not get back home soon that I might as well throw my third grade year in the trash can. This is because I was unable to get through almost anything that was given me because my teacher was not teaching someone else was/ basically because of the fact that I was uprooted from my home environment, ship to a place 70 miles away from my environment, and then expected to do the same level of work that I always used to do, and having to deal with the ridiculous people that were making unreasonable demands of me, it sucked. Sorry that this was so long, but every time I go through it in my mind, it reminds me of the movie psycho - where someone would order me to do something, and if I didn't they would scare the hell out of me or do something really bad. That's basically what this story entails. Luckily I had some good friends down there, because I would go totally crazy and luckily my parents were monitoring the situation because if they hadn't I would not be or have been in very good condition. One day you will have your own thread, and I look forward to reading it: I know that you have had your own trials and tribulations yourself to try to overcome: always remember that whatever happens you have friends here and ones that care about you, and that will never change. Regardless of what happens you will always have people here to talk to and a place that you can let your hair down and be yourself. As I learned several years ago, this place is that place, a place where I can be myself, a place where I can be the man that I want to be, because there are good people here who take care of each other and in times of trouble we all come together to help one another. On 6/6/2022 at 10:31 AM, Kawaharu said: That’s why I’m so glad that I’m kept in diapers. I don’t have to worry about running to potty anymore and I can let go in my diapers anytime my body needs to. Being kept in diapers, I’m so use to pooping and peeing in them that they become normal for me. I don’t worry about making it to the potty because that’s what diapers are there for. @Kawaharu I feel the same way you do! Being in diapers, I don't have to worry about what happens, when it happens, or why it happens. All I have to do, is realize that it will happen, and be ready for whatever does occur. Very few times I have been caught off guard, but for the most part it has been pretty straightforward. I remember several people including @Evelyn Dellcerro Telling me about barrier creams: well, now I know why: without a barrier cream you cannot just allow yourself to sit in a dirty diaper and enjoy it, because then you end up going way too long, if you do, everything turns angry red itchy and very uncomfortable period this happened to me a couple weeks ago, and I'll never let it happen like that again without proper barrier cream applied. I will always have barrier cream from now on, and now I understand why. If you don't have it, then you will pay the price. Like you I am getting used to using my diapers 24/7: it doesn't bother me that I release in them, or that I am dirty afterwards, but I have to make sure that as soon as possible I cleaned myself very well so that I don't end up getting a severe red angry rash. This did not happen a couple weeks ago, and I tried to be like some of the individuals who said that they enjoy messing themselves, and enjoying the feeling. After about three hours, I ended up with a severe red rash, so I know from experience not to allow myself to get that far gone. My diapers are there for a reason, and I am glad that I have them. They have saved my **** on more than one occasion, and I have come to realize that the best thing that I have ever done is to finally decide to go 24/7. Regardless of what any other person thinks believes or says karma this is the best actual decision that I have made, because it allows me to be In a state of relaxation because I do not have to worry if I where to use my diaper. Of course, you have to change yourself after awhile, but you don't have to go running anywhere, and in my case I don't want to be running anywhere or trying to be Superman trying to get to the toilet: doing that would only put me in danger of possibly falling and hurting myself. I still have good mobility, but there are times when I lose my balance: with diapers I don't have to worry about running anywhere, and I can finally relax, because my body has gotten used to being able to release on command. Brian 1 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted July 19, 2022 Author Share Posted July 19, 2022 UPDATE: (JULY 19, 2022): Been about a month since I did my last update. In this time, I have continually use my diapers save for the last three days when I needed to air out. The reason for this air out and more time like this is because of the last incident where I decided that I was going to enjoy a mess in my pants. Instead of enjoying it, I waited way too long to be able to clean myself up, and when I did, and when I finally did that, I ended up with skin so red that it took over 72 hours for the stinging and burning sensation to go away. This is why I am always going to be using the proper barrier cream whenever necessary, because that will allow my skin to stay healthy dry and will not cause skin breakdown. Being that I am disabled and have cerebral palsy, I am fully aware of what skin breakdown is, what skin breakdown does, and also have seen extreme skin breakdown, and it is no picnic. One of the things that I always wondered is how people can enjoy or play like that when any prolonged contact with fecal matter can cause a burning sensation itching sensation or a skin reaction because of being in contact with it. Being that I have a barrier cream, I am assuming that it provides the skin the protection necessary so that contact with it does not cause major problems. The night that happened, I was in agony, figuring that I could use my cleansers to be able to cleanse the skin to be able to allow for that feeling to go away. How wrong I was! The result was that I was in extreme agony and it was so bad that I could not wear diapers for two days, nor could I even touch myself in that area. I don't want to be graphic here but this is one of the lessons that I have learned being incontinent both ways: that is to take care of your skin as soon as you can and not wait around because you are unsure of what can happen. What happened hit me so hard that it or something that I was not prepared for: because of that, I will always make sure that I am nice and clean and have proper barrier cream applied. When this incident occurred, all I could think of was being in agony, and probably wanting to use words that would get me in a lot of trouble, and I mean bad words, swear words, and all of that good stuff! Now I understand the reasoning for barrier cream, and will use it liberally whenever necessary, without worrying about doing so. I have learned that I must keep anything that is released away from my skin as much as possible and practical. Other than this incident, everything seems to be going well. I use my diapers as necessary, and I am not worried about doing so. I've leaked a couple times or had it where I've taken a pair of trifectas off, and then the back of my diaper is damp: this has happened a few times and I think it is because of the fact that when I'm using the diaper to its fullest extent, sometimes a full bladder can cause you to keep going as much as you can until you stop. I've learned from experience that you use short bursts instead of letting it go as a full on deluge for two minutes. Sometimes however, this is impossible to watch because you must go so badly that you have no other choice. I'm not too worried about wearing diapers anymore, because it is common for me to do so. However, because of the fact that my work schedule has changed to just one day a week to a maximum of two a week, I don't put in boosters as much as I used to, but I am going to start doing so very shortly, as having boosters in my diaper will allow my diaper to last longer, and also help me keep the wetness away from my skin as much as possible. I enjoy a wet diaper, and it feels good, but after a while you have to take care of yourself, because either the smell can be overpowering to the point where all you smell is ammonia or, your diaper is so wet that it weighs£10 when taken off. As far as I'm concerned and I'll say this again, North Shore is the best company that provides my diapers and supplies. They know what a diaper is, they know how to make a diaper, and they know that plastic backed garments are helpful and do have a place for certain individuals. I would not change my mind on this stance period since I wear diapers, I want the best that I can get, and as far as I can tell North Shore has answered the call and the challenge for the last two to three years, and I could never be the person that I am today without that type of protection level. Because I have the type of diapers I do, I don't have to worry about releasing and ending up flooding myself out and leaking all over Kingdom come. There have been times when I over estimate or over use a diaper and flooded, letting it go on to the floor, but that is because I misjudge the capacity. Each day that I wear and use, I learn new ways to deal with situations. I can say wholeheartedly in 110% certainty that I'm glad that I did what I did back in 2019, and I would not question my motives or my reasoning. Wearing diapers takes care of my incontinence and also helps me deal with the feelings that I feel and have felt since I was eight: those feelings do not subside but they are something that can be controlled appropriately, but as long as I have a diaper on, it protects me from unintended release, and also allows me to enjoy the feelings that I always have had and will continue to have because these feelings do not go away! I guess you could say that I am enjoying having my diapers and using them as necessary. I didn't realize how much more relaxed I am, and how much less stress I am under because I have made the decision that I did. I don't have to feel guilty or ashamed or embarrassed or any of that anymore. My diapers are my underwear, and I don't regret it one bit. I can also tell you that I like the sensation when I release, because if I take my dyazide medication, I will be able to release excess water, which in turn is like being two years old with no control for a while: I guess you could say that it is kind of a thrill, and I guess that it is awesome, because now I can do it with No Fear, and no worries because I have come full circle. I wish I could give you more of an update than this, but I will continue to update you as I move forward: as I said I have no regrets, and I have nothing to fear, because diapers have helped me in so many ways: diapers are like a blanket: a stress reliever, a friend: and I'm glad I have it, because sometimes life sucks, and you have to be able to release Colin's having a diaper allows me to release everything, and as I do it feels like a stress reliever so that is the best thing Colin and nice soft crinkly diaper and the ability to release what whenever I want! Brian 2 Link to comment
PeachiUwU Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 Comfy comfy an snuggly didis for my big bwother!! Lots of happiness for chu always! ❤️❤️❤️ 1 1 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted July 21, 2022 Author Share Posted July 21, 2022 4 hours ago, PeachiUwU said: Comfy comfy an snuggly didis for my big bwother!! Lots of happiness for chu always! ❤️❤️❤️ Awwwwwww,,,,,,Thank You *HUGS* and *kisses* Brian 1 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted August 14, 2022 Author Share Posted August 14, 2022 (edited) UPDATE: (August 13th 2022): I've been noticing that I have you had to use diaper covers a lot more, so now I have 24 pair of trifectas, to add to my Gary Ware stock. In the last two weeks, it seems like every time I get up in the morning, my diaper is soaked, and my trifectas are soaked. I can tell that because I can either feel them, or I can feel the back of my diaper is damp, or when I take off the trifecta or the garware, I can tell by the smell. Because of the fact that there are so many pairs that I use, and because I have had situations where if you do not try them out all the way when you pull them out of the dryer, what happens is that if they are damp when you put them into the recovery bag, they pick up a musty odor, and you have to re wash them, and then you have to make sure that you are storing the used garments in an appropriate way, until you're able to do another load of laundry. The last two weeks, I've noticed that my urine output has probably tripled, and that because of being ill, because of the shingles vaccine second shot, I have not had any energy whatsoever, and I've used my diaper 24/7, as I always have period the deal here is is that: I can't get up when it hurts like that, because my arms are so weak, or it just feels like somebody punched me in the arm or ran a large needle all the way through both sides of my arm. I have been noticing that since my output has been increasing, and that I'm using the diapers both ways, that there are times when I have a messy accident, and there's times when I just have a wet accident, well I shouldn't call it an accident, just a wet release or a messy release. I've also noticed that when I end up taking off the trifectas in the morning, they are wet, sometimes a small amount of dampness, some little so that I could wear them again and not notice the difference, and then there are times when I really have to go, and then I just bust loose. I can tell when I've worn a pair of trifectas like that, because the pair of trifectas is wet, I can smell it, and I can feel the dampness all the way through the garment. I have well over 30 pairs of diaper covers that I can use anyone point. Both Gary Ware and trifecta: however, the way that I I've been taking care of them has been good, but I've had to make a change to the way I deal with it, so that I don't end up with something smelling like pee, or smelling like moldy something or other. Most people who wear diapers, have a disposal system or a way that they get rid of their dirty diapers or their wet diapers. What I have done is that I have added a second step to the process. I went to my local Ace Hardware: they have buckets that are loctites. This means that if you press that lid all the way down all the way around it will lock and it will keep the contents from getting wet, or contain the smell of wet or mess within it. I bought one loctite bucket, and what I will do from now on is, every day when I change a diaper, I will take the trifecta off. If the trifecta is usable again, I will change the diaper throw the diaper into the Jenna bell system, and then take uh a moderately damp or severely soaked pair of trifectas and open up that bucket, throw them in, and then put the top on. When I have enough to do another load of laundry, then I will take that bucket and I will attach a carabiner, and I will carry it downstairs do that, and then change the bag. Why do this you ask?: the answer is simple: we all know that you wet your diapers or you mess your diapers, and sometimes what happens is you wet the diaper cover or you mess in the diaper cover. When you remove wet diapers, you throw the diaper in the bucket and you get rid of it like you would throw something in the trash. The bucket will allow me to take off wet or damp trifecta covers, and then open the bucket and throw damp or severely wet diaper covers into the bucket. So I will take the diaper cover off determine if it needs to be changed, and if it does I end up taking the old diaper cover off and putting it into the bucket. This way if I have to wait to be able to do a sufficient number so I not wasting money, I will not have to have moldy smell in my shower Bay and I will not have to have a smell of pee or poop on any pairs of trifecta that were used and then because of you either peeing or pooping, you get some on or in the trifecta. When this happens, there is a smell that can be determined, and you have to be able to deal with it. This way, when that happens, I can then throw The Dirty trifecta in the bucket, and then eventually pick it up and take it downstairs and wash it. I might not be able to do it every other week or every week, but whenever I get the chance I can then just pick up the bucket take it downstairs and then put it in the wash and run them. I run my diaper covers in warm water wash delicate dry which means air only. This way there is no chance that the trifecta or other cover will be ruined because of extreme heat. I think I had like 20 pair that I washed today. And it worked like a charm all of them fit inside. I also had lounge pajamas then I would put over the diapers when I needed them. They all needed to be washed, so I just took all the trifectas, and all of my lounge pajamas and did them all in two loads. Then I took all of the trifectas after they were washed and then dried them, and then put them in the bucket. Took the bucket upstairs, and then grabbed all of my launch pajamas and they're all clean, and the only thing that I have to do is do the underpad that I'm sitting on. A figure having a bucket that is has a locking lid will keep the smell down, and if something is has a severe odor of ammonia or whatever, and it's something that I've worn over a diaper, then at least if I put a pair of trifectas down, and I put them in a bucket, the smell does not permeate to something else, or dirty trifectas won't be sitting on top of clean ones, and you won't have to worry about dampness or whether they're clean so far, this has been a pretty good idea. I did it for the first time tonight: when I went into Ace Hardware, I told the gentleman what I was going to do, and how I was gonna use it, and he thought that would be a great idea. He suggested the locking lid that is water tight, because I've noticed in the last three weeks that if I run a shower, even though there are parts of the shower Bay that are protected from water spray, water can get over to the fire point of the Bay, and can spray all over the place. When this happens, anything that's over on that left hand corner can be saturated, and you don't want to do that. You don't wanna have a pair of trifectas that is totally drenched with P, and then have no way to get them clean, and have them sitting on the floor, or have whatever is in the trifecta transfer to something else in the Bay. By using the bucket, I can keep trifectas and diapers separate, and I can wash them a lot easier because I'm keeping track of The Dirty ones and the clean ones, because sometimes it is hard to know without actually putting your nose to it whether you can wear the same pair another day. Because I was unaware of that, I decided to wash every one of them that I had put out in service since the beginning of the month, and then using this strategy, I can also put back in any trifecta that stinks regardless of what is on it or what is in it. Changing diapers will be easier this way, because you just throw the diaper into a disposal bag and throw it into your disposal can, while you take off the trifecta before you change the diaper, so it makes sense you're going to put the wet cover into a place where it is easy to deal with I don't know exactly what is going on, but I noticed that it is getting easier to release: this means that I don't have any problems releasing #1, and I'm dealing with number two as well. Soon, I will have to do the colonoscopy, and I have insisted and vehemently opposed any attempt to have this done outpatient. The reason for this is because I have cerebral palsy and I also have a mobility disability, and if I'm required to use time to do the prep, I'm going to be taking a super duper laxative, so once I take that, I am going to use my diaper or I'm going to expel anything that's inside. I'm gonna do this as long as it takes to be able to clear my colon so that they can check it to make sure there is no cancer or polyps or anything bad going on. I found out from my dad that you have to go into the pharmacy and get the prep stuff, because that's going to be prescribed by the GI specialist, and then you end up going home you end up doing your prep work, which means you take your laxative and you clean yourself out. Then, I have to have someone drive me up to the hospital because I would be under anesthetic later on in the day, and I would not be in a position to be able to do this like I would do an MRI, a full body scan, or any other diagnostic procedures. They say that I have to do the prep work, have someone drive me up in the morning, wait with me, and then drive me out at the end. They also tell me that in the morning when I get there, they are going to sedate me and they're going to put me under anesthetic. The easiest way for me to be anesthetized, would be if a nurse was available to help me with any diaper changes or with the prep work, so that it can be done right, so I don't have to run to the bathroom every two minutes. If this stuff is as powerful as they say, you better not be making any plans! I also don't want to be in a position where I have to stay up all night because this stuff is going to clean my clock, I'm not gonna get any sleep, I'm gonna be living on the toilet probably naked all night, then have to get up if I get any sleep at all, and then go to the hospital, only to be put to sleep just so they can do the procedure. I told my doctor's nurse and his support staff, that the easiest way for me to be able to have this done is to go in like it was to be some sort of surgery SDS same day surgery, and then, the only difference would be that I would go in the night before they do the procedure. Then I'm already prepped I've already done all the nasty stuff, and they can put me on a Gurney and bring me into a procedure room and then anesthetize me and then do the procedure. I then call for a bus to bring me back home, and therefore there is no mess to clean up in my bathroom, there is no way that I'm going to make a mess I'm not gonna pee on the floor that I have to clean up or anything like that. What I think they want to make sure happens is that everything is done outpatient, but with my disability I don't think that's gonna be practical or safe. Thank God I have my diapers, and thank God I have it written so that I can use diapers and get them should I need them if I'm in the hospital. I will make sure that I have the appropriate diapers should I need them, and I'm not afraid to have them and I'm not afraid to use them. As far as I'm concerned I'm the one that this is being done too, and if they can't accommodate my request, then I'm not doing the procedure. This it comes down to my health my well-being and my safety, and I'm not messing around if I have a mobility problem and I have to run to the bathroom. If I run to the bathroom and I end up hurting myself, the thing that they will be fixing is a broken leg or a broken something or a bump on my head or maybe even a concussion when I hit the floor because I can't control something. That is why I am in diapers 24/7, because at least if I release, the diaper is there as a way to protect, and then I take care of it. If I'm required to use super duper laxatives, that are very very powerful, at least I can be monitored by a nurse, so that I don't lose all of my minerals and all of my salts and all that stuff, and if I make a mess, they can help me, change me or do whatever, because that's what a nurse does. Having CP, means that you should be able to go into a hospital and have a procedure done, and be pre admitted have this thing done the night before, and that's it. I've had several surgeries where you end up going in and you're there for about a week, and then they finally let you go home. They do all the prep work before you go into the operating room and it's not usually something that takes two days anymore, because you can go right into the OR and prepare for the surgery the same day. When we're talking about a colonoscopy, it would take me the time necessary to follow the instructions, and if I need help at least someone was there to help me. This morning I noticed that I was just releasing a whole bunch of water, and my diaper was wet so much that it was a very very very strong smell of ammonia. Thank God I had my trifecta is on, because it was one heck of a mess. I didn't want to get up because I hurt so bad, and I'm glad that I didn't, because if I worked on it and used my vibrator on the muscles that were causing trouble working that muscle will loosen it up so that I can move better period I was able to do that this morning. However, I'm not sure why all of a sudden everything was fine and then about 7:00 o'clock in the morning I felt like somebody punched me in the stomach, and that I was afraid I was gonna have a BM right there in the middle of the floor. I had a diaper on already, but then if I had a BM and then I had to change again that would put me behind by at least 20 minutes. Luckily I'm getting to the point where changing diapers can happen when less than 15 minutes, and it's not a big deal anymore. I will keep everyone updated as to whether or not a colonoscopy is scheduled, and what will happen: i just want to make sure that this is done, because you have to have this done to make sure that you don't have any cancer polyps or any unexpected guests downstairs. With the proper help, and the proper set up, it will be as easy as going into jacket and my teeth cleaned. I just don't want to end up in a situation where they're forcing me to be outpatient forcing me to have someone drive me, and then forcing me out so fast because that's the way it is now. They used to take people into the hospital for procedures, and they used to have you do it the night before, now it's SDS and you get in and you get out, and they send you home. Sometimes having a disability, sending you home immediately after a surgical procedure is not a good idea, because for 40 years, whenever they would send me in for orthopedic surgery, I would always stay in the hospital long enough so that they could make sure everything was OK, and then they would send me home. However, it wasn't a today I have surgery it takes 3 hours, and you're home by 7:00 o'clock PM. When you are disabled it doesn't work that way very well. I know I've talked to a couple of individuals about a colonoscopy and how they are affected by it: at least there's one good thing about this: if I end up having a colonoscopy: I'm not gonna have any control, and I'm just going to release everything, it's just a matter of how fast and how much comma and it's kinda scary. Wish me luck everyone! Brian Edited October 2, 2022 by ~Brian~ Added Additional Information Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted October 2, 2022 Author Share Posted October 2, 2022 UPDATE:(OCTOBER 2, 2022): it's been a couple of months since I updated my journey thread. Mostly, I have noticed that I've been using a lot more diapers, or that I've had a little bit of trouble with my bowels being that I get constipated, and the last couple times were kind of harsh. I know I have the miralax available, so I shall be using that if it becomes necessary. They told me to use a full scoop on the directions, but if I do that, I'd be messing myself for a week. So I'll use 1/4 scoop if that. I know that this will help me if I have severe Constipation so I'm not too worried about that. This month I had to order a new supply of diapers, because I usually wait until I get down to about 6 bags in my bathroom. I noticed that my stash and storage was getting down even more than that, so I placed an order with my supplier. Right now, I have enough supplies to last me pretty much till the end of the year, and into the 2023. I have been quite lucky, because I have planned this so that I have everything I need before I run out of it, so that when I actually have to go to my stock, I can keep track of how many things I need or what I have available. So I'm pretty much all set for winter, unless I have to order diapers or maybe the underpads. Have plentyof boosters, and use those when necessary, but since my work schedule has changed, I don't have very much need to be using them every time, but if I do go on a long journey I would throw a couple of boosters in because that would make my diaper last . Diaper Usage: I have been noticing that I have been using a lot more. The last couple of weeks, I have restocked at least three times, which means that I end up stocking 30 diapers on my ready to use shelf. When you're using your diapers, and you keep using them as normal, it seems like it's old hat, so you just have to know that something is working very well. I've also noticed that I am more comfortable, and I'm not worrying about holding. In the last three weeks, I've been drinking a lot of unsweetened iced tea, and I don't mean the stuff that comes in a can, I mean the real stuff, that you use lemon in and it tastes pretty strong. It really helps me as a diuretic to clear the system, along with my diazoxide which makes me pee, because it is a water pill. I seem to be going through more diapers now, and I've been noticing it every couple of months that I go through spurts where I go through a lot of them. Even today, I've changed at least once, and last night I changed twice, so by the end of last night I had deposited three dirty diapers into the trash can, and when I get up again I will change for the 4th time. I'm getting used to using my diapers, and I'm not too worried about it, because I use my trifectas over the top, and I wash them when they become stinky, because I want to make sure they are kept clean. So far, have had no problems, wash warm, dry on delicate. I've also been very lucky that I don't even have to use a full 45 minutes on the dryer, about 15 minutes on delicate, and I can just pull them out, and they are dry period because of the way I take care of my trifectas, I always have a bag that I use to put my dirty ones in, and I carry a bag to carry my clean ones out. Once I'm finished, my bucket is sprayed to get rid of the germs using lysol spray, and then it won't be as bad. Sometimes when you end up wearing some diapers, they get really strong smell of ammonia, so you have to keep that under control. Basically, if I feel the need to use my diapers, I don't even hold back anymore. What I do try to do is if it feels like a deluge is coming on, I try to let it out in short bursts. The reason for this is because you don't want to overwhelm your diaper by ending up loading up with liquid and then just letting it go like a water hose. With practice, I have been able to control it, but sometimes even when you have to go, there's no control whatsoever and you just let it go. I've even had a few BMS where I've had to release, and there's no way that you can plan for that. All I can say is you use your trifectas over the top of your diapers when you know you're going to be out for a long period of time, because at least your trifectas will keep the odor contained, even if your diaper does not keep things contained. I'm glad that I have my diapers because there are many times when I just can't hold it back and I just have to release. If done right, changing diapers is not that hard especially when you have the messy ones, because you know what you need to do and you try to make sure that you keep the mess to a minimum. Mega Max diapers make it really easy, because they absorb a lot of liquid plus anything that you're depositing from the backside, so they are really work well. So I guess what I'll have to do is to make sure that I'm using my miralax on a more consistent basis. I don't like to use miralax that much, because as my doctor's PA have been telling me that if I use too much, then I end up messing myself and I don't have any control. This is why I cut back on the amount used, because the idea is to help you take care of Constipation, rather than to make you just release everything all at once. For the last three days, there have been instances where I may have to start using them again cause everything gets hard, but there have been many times when everything is OK. Luckily I have enough of that to take care of what I need. COLONOSCOPY (JUNE, 2023): last month I had a discussion with my doctor about the second phase of things that must happen when you turn 50, and what must happen every few years after that. Apparently, when you turn 50, this is the first time that you should have a colonoscopy. I have no objection to this test, and I want to be healthy. My problem was that the doctor would tell me that there was no way that the hospital would admit me, because it's an outpatient procedure. Because of my cerebral palsy I told him that I do have mobility issues, which he already knows, and that doing it this way would allow me to get the help I need with the prep work. I find that I cannot sit on the toilet all night and I don't want to be running back and forth to the toilet every 4 minutes because this stuff will make me have a lot of bowel movements to clear whatever is in there. I was surprised to learn, that the same stuff I use now, the miralax, is the same stuff that they would have me use when I do the prep for the colonoscopy. The only difference, is that I would be using miralax in higher doses, and as such I would definitely be diapered during the time period when this happens . It would just be ridiculous to have me walking across the floor every five or 10 minutes to be able to release . I also chose to do inpatient in the hospital admission, because technically , someone would have to drive me into the hospital to be able to get the thing done . If I'm admitted to the night before, I can have everyone help me with the prep work after dinner, and then in the morning , I am prepped for the procedure and brought downstairs did the procedure room when I am ready. I'm technically not allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight, but I may be able to have some water, but at least these people can help me if it's necessary, and I can bring my mega maxes on board with my chair, and at the end of this, after being sedated and waiting a few hours, board a bus and just go back home , and check in with my position as directed after the procedure is complete . I don't think I'll have to worry too much about what they'll find, cause I'm pretty healthy, but I don't wanna take any chances. I was told by the doctor that the earliest I could probably get this scheduled would be June of 2023 , because due to COVID, everything has been pushed back, and things our backlog severely, so they'll work through the amount of people they have on the waiting list and then be able to do mine in the summer . I had to wait a long time for the pain clinic as well , because they just had a lot of people that needed that service , so I had to tough it out through most of 20 and all of 21, and then in December I had them do that procedure for me . I had an orthopedist checked my shoulders and my back and my arm because of problems with nerves, and apparently I am doing OK, so we won't do anything with my shoulder until then unless something is discovered that requires anything else. For now, at least I don't have to worry about my colonoscopy , and I know when it's time a week before it happens I am to call the doctor and have him admit me , because my physician is the one doing the admission, and not the people doing the colonoscopy. They don't normally admit people for procedures like this, but with my disability, I was quite insistent , because I don't have the ability to have anyone stay with me overnight at my house, I don't wanna be having problems with my legs on the toilet all night, and I don't have anyone to drive me in the morning to the procedure, and if you Add all these together , it is a lot easier in my mind to just be brought downstairs from upstairs when they are ready, because they have to sedate me anyway. THOUGHTS: since my last update, I have noticed some changes. I've noticed that it is a lot easier for me to be doing something, and then feel the need to release, and do it without even thinking about it. I also have noticed that there are times when more often than not, I don't even realize that it's been happening, and then I realized that I wet myself even more than I expected period of course, there's going to be plenty of time when I can feel it, but I've gotten to the point where I can just tell my body to relax, and it just happens that I can release. This way, I don't even have to concentrate on it, because I can just do whatever I need to do. There's even Times Now that certain triggers such as reading the words " go ahead, what yourself it's OK" what triggered that, and I noticed that when I was reading stories this week. I guess it can be said that if you're reading a story and you're engrossed in it, and you feel like you are part of the story because you feel like one of the characters, and you get into your story, your body just responds and lets you release and relax. I've noticed that in the last couple of days when I read stories like that, my diaper is soaked, not only because of what I drink while I'm working, but because I'm able to relax and release anything else I'm holding, and sometimes I don't even realize it. I don't know if I'm reaching a new plateau, but at least I feel a lot better off, because I don't have to hold it, and I don't have to worry about hurting myself in the process. If I can take care of being constipated, it won't be so bad. I can tell you that I feel more comfortable about wearing and using diapers now. Back in 2019 and 2020, I was scared about how and when I would be releasing, and sometimes where I would release period now that I'm used to wearing diapers and using them, it is easier, because I have the proper equipment, and I pulled out the stops to make sure that I did. I'm also not afraid of wearing or using them, and to me diapers are more comfortable. When you have more accidents than not, it makes more sense to have diapers than it does to use underwear because you end up doing more laundry when you have accidents than you would if you just had diapers and you're throwing them out. I know I know there are going to be people that are going to tell me cloth diapers are going to be better for the environment and everything else: I realize that, but in some cases cloth diapers do not have the proper place in a situation where a person is disabled, needs the ability to have it Wick and absorb, and also needs the ability to be able to handle it by themselves. Also, when you have grown up like I have, in plastic back diapers, anything that they give you now and lifted his plastic back doesn't even hold a candle, and doesn't even have the ability to absorb and hold anything, because it's not designed to. Diapers of today are designed to be cheap as possible, and only to be used if somebody is going to be squirting a few squirts every few minutes rather than a full bladder. They are not designed to hold a full bladder. My mega Max is however, are built for those who are totally incontinent and severely incontinent. I can tell you from experience that my decision still remains the same: diapers from me all the way: makes it a lot easier, and I don't have to feel bad or feel shame or any of that, because it is part of who I am now, and helps me deal with other issues and my feelings. And I don't have to hide it either. That's why I love my diapers! They helped me in ways that I could never understand way back in 2019, and even though they helped me with my incontinence, they helped me with other things as well, so at least I don't feel bad, and I shouldn't. I shall keep everyone advised: Long live my diapers! Brian Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted November 13, 2022 Author Share Posted November 13, 2022 (edited) UPDATE: (November 12, 2022): decided to update this thread again. Have noticed that it seems as if I am using more diapers every day. I also realized that I feel better about myself every day, because I have made the decision that makes sense for myself, and that means that I am less worried about it than I was a few months back. I have come to a crossroads that makes this decision easier to accept because 90% of the problems that I have been dealing with are based on stress and other factors that are out of my control, as far as what happens around me.I am in control of what happens to myself when I am in a situation , but sometimes the information that I get is different , so I end up making decisions that are in the best interest of everyone involved , and sometimes that means the decision I make may not be something that I feel good about. For years, people would try to give me a bunch of grief about what I do, what I say, how I feel, that I didn't do something that they thought I should have done right , that I did it wrong, or anything like that . I figured the only way that I was going to be a success in my life is to make it happen myself . All through my life, I have been told that I need to work extra hard to get to the end of the rainbow, to get the golden apple or the golden goose, or whatever they call it. Now that I understand that 90% of what I've been dealing with is based on stress alone , my decision makes even more sense today than it did two months ago . they say stress can kill you, they say a heart attack can kill you, they say of other things can hurt you. One of the things that I have learned is that I shouldn't worry about what I can't control, and I've learned that I shouldn't worry about something that isn't my business. For example, there are certain times that certain individuals conduct or actions are based on what they think someone is done or someone may do. I don't want to have the stress that I had three years ago anymore, so I made the choice that I made. What is the easiest way to remove stress from your life? The easiest way to remove stress from your life is to remove yourself from that situation when possible. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have any stress at all, but for the best thing to happen, you shouldn't worry about every possible stress that can possibly happen. Worrying about what you don't know will happen is part of the issue, and 90% of the time what you think in your head may not be exactly what is actually happening. I've learned from experience that you need to take a good look at everything around you as well as yourself: the way you act, the way you come off, the way you treat people, and the way you do things. I'm no St by any means, and I'm not perfect, and I'll be the first one to admit that I have been an *** sometimes to certain people, but The thing is I'm the one who is running the ship, and I wanna be happy, so I try to put myself in a situation where I am happy: for my health and my welfare as well as my sanity. As I said, I've noticed my diaper usage going up: with that, I've also realized that my stress level is going down! The idea here is that I want to remove as much stress strife and ridiculousness from my life as possible. Sometimes comment it feels like I got stuck in positions where I didn't want to be, simply because of my situation, but now that I'm older, I realize that it is I who needs to be careful about what type of situation I place myself in. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love my friends, and there are times that I miss them, but I don't miss the stress, I don't miss all of the negative connotations, I don't miss all of the unhappiness, the depression, the sleepless nights and everything else that were caused because I worried about everybody else, worried about what they would think what they would say what they believed or anything like that. Once I realized that it was causing me stress to worry about stuff like that, I realized that the easiest way to remove stress from myself is to place myself in a position where stress is not a problem. Wearing diapers is one way to remove a lot of stress: a diaper allows someone to use it to release whatever they're holding, because that's what it's designed to do. I figure every time I release, what I try to remember is that I am releasing anything that I don't need in my life, and are that I don't need in my body. Rather than worry that I'm going to end up having an accident, or that something may happen that is out of my control, I simply deal with it to the best of my ability. Based on this, I can now say that having less stress in my life has helped me in ways that others may not understand: they always say that I should try to take care of my own business, take care of myself and make sure that I am healthy, make sure that I am in the best of health condition: I may not be the healthiest kid in the block, but I try my best, and I'll tell you because I've decided to wear diapers 24/7, my life has changed 110% in the positive direction: I don't understand why some people think that it is necessary to remind yourself of all of the negativity and all of the bad things that you do in your life. We all learn from our mistakes and we all make them, that's part of being human, but I keep on feeling as if I'm constantly being reminded of all of the bad things that happened in my life, rather than to remember the good times when it wasn't so hectic, there wasn't as much stress, people weren't getting after me every day, and I could just be the man I wanna be: I always try to be the best guy I can possibly be, and in order for me to do that I need to be as healthy as I can be. Physical health: yes I am healthy, I may be a little bit overweight, but at least I feel better than I was. Sometimes my asthma kicks up and it causes me trouble, so I'm constantly having to keep that in check. As far as the rest of me goes, I'm clean, I'm healthy, and I love to do my job, and part of the reason I love my job is because there is hardly any stress within my job. The stress that I was experiencing has been abated for the most part because of the fact that I have heard that regardless of what happens, I have nothing to worry about, because now I feel as if I'm a part of a team, and that what I say what I think what I do and how I do things is valuable to the community as well as my church period sometimes my spiritual health needs a kick in the **** because I wonder if I'm doing the right thing sometimes, and then I realize yes I am doing the thing that I think is right.I just hope that I can continually being physically healthy because that really helps. Emotional Health: sometimes it goes up and down: especially between November and January. I lost my grandfather in October, my grandmother in February, and my grandmother's birthday is the 1st of January, while my dad's mother's birthday is the 4th of July. Each time I think of these holidays, it brings back feelings that I always want to relive because they were so good. Times when I didn't have to worry about a thing, times when I could say whatever I felt like, being done respectfully of course, but I could say what I wanted, feel the way I wanted to feel, and I didn't have to feel like something was being done that was wrong. I try to keep my emotional health and my emotions in check, trying to keep them in an upstate rather than a downstate, but every fall, it seems to get harder. I remember one year I ended up bursting into tears over nothing, and I just didn't know why, but it seems to be based on the time of year, and this will be one of the hardest times to have to deal with, because every year my parents get older, I get older, things change, and I'm not sure how to take it. If I were to say something to certain individuals, then I would get blowback and ridiculousness, so I try to keep that to myself. This can sometimes cause emotional trouble, but I try to keep that in check. Mentally: I kind of feel like I'm exhausted: this does not necessarily mean that I can't think and do things that I want to do, it just means that sometimes I think I overthink things, making them worse than they have to be. When I go to work in the morning, I feel like I'm gonna charged up battery. When I come home, all I really wanna do is sit down in my chair, take a shower, get comfortable and then eat something and watch TV and go to bed, and then get up the next morning and do it all again. Being single and being a bachelor sometimes can be hard on the mind, but this is probably because I don't get very many visitors, and the ones that I do get understand how I deal with things and why I feel the way I do. I don't know if it's just being tired, I don't know if it's because of the weather, I don't know if it's the time of year, or if it's because of what I expect or what I think I should expect out of Christmas and Thanksgiving calling each one of these holidays is special, but the specialty is something that I now relegate to my heart in my mind, because even though I love the holidays, they can be a time when you feel as if you're missing something, and I remember one year I felt so good all the way up until January of that year, and then all of a sudden I broke down: I have to be careful of my mental state and make sure that I am doing the best to keep my mind busy, and also to keep myself motivated so I don't feel bad. There are many individuals that have helped me realize that the stress that I am dealing with is something that is sometimes out of control, and doesn't need to be as high as it does turn out to be. When I started having accidents and other problems, the easiest way to deal with that is to just deal with the fact and accept the fact that I wear diapers because I need them. I also think that part of it is possibly because of emotions or feelings that make diapers feel good to me, or make it feel like I'm taking care of a problem, and I don't have to feel any embarrassment or any shame or guilt or any of that. Stress is a killer, and I don't like having so much stress that I can't think for myself, or that it makes decision making so much harder. What I have learned is that diapers have helped me remove a lot of the stress from my life. What I realized is that most of the reason that I was stressed is because I'm worried about what somebody else would think say do or believe, or how they would react to a certain situation. I also realized that my decision to wear diapers 24/7 is my decision, I don't have to ask permission, and I don't have to feel guilty: diapers help me in more ways than one, and if it makes me feel good comment that makes it even more better: there's nothing that says that I can't enjoy the feelings or the reasoning behind it, and because of the decision I've made my life is a lot easier, I sleep better at night, and I don't feel as bad. Because I wear diapers 24/7, and I have been wearing them more often, I've noticed that I have had an uptake in their usage. Because of the fact that I have been wearing more diapers, and because of the fact that I need to make sure that I am using topicals correctly, I've added gloves to my repertoire, so that I can deal with putting topical on without ruining diapers. I really enjoy having my diapers on, and I enjoy having the knowledge that if I were to release, my diapers can handle it. I used to be afraid of releasing, or being afraid of what may happen, but I'm not anymore. Part of the stress that I've dealt with is because of the fact that I'm trying to fight something that I shouldn't fight: it took me three years to be able to get to the realization that stress is what is causing my problem: additionally, the stress is from outside, because of what other people's do or what other people say, and even when I talk to my mom for example, I tell her that I'm OK, that I accept what has happened, and I love them regardless of what happened, and I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but they have to except that my situation has changed. I might not like some of the things that happened in my life, but I have to make that choice, and diapers have helped me come to terms with a lot of my stress problem. I've also noticed that I've had to use my diapers a lot more both ways: if I eat the wrong types of foods, then I end up paying for it later, I may not pay for it right away, but then there are times when it may come up so fast, that I can't deal with it. This is a good reason to wear the diapers, and diapers are comfortable for me. I don't have to worry anymore, because I do have the protection all the way around, and with the trifecta on, it makes it a lot easier, and I can use the diaper and not worry so much. I also take time every week to air out: this is important if you wear diapers all the time, because wearing diapers between your legs 24/7 can cause trouble with your skin and it can breakdown. Making sure that you are airing out, letting everything in the open air, helps you to heal anything that seems to be causing an issue, and it also allows you to be able to apply topical when it's necessary. I must be getting easier and the fact that I can change diapers quickly, because it gets easier and easier every time I do it period now I just have to get my legs strong enough so that I can walk with my Walker again. I'm just glad that I made the decision I made: every month when I think of that decision, I always question myself, and every time that I end up having an accident, or an almost accident, or when I use a diaper, I always think to myself that it was a good decision. It's a lot easier to change a diaper, and throw it away and deal with it, rather than deal with wet pants wet furniture, wet bed or whatever you're sitting on. I'd rather wear a diaper: its easier for me. Brian Edited November 13, 2022 by ~Brian~ Word Edit 1 Link to comment
Zero_Escape Posted November 13, 2022 Share Posted November 13, 2022 @~Brian~ - Good take on stress management! I love reading your sagely advice and I mean every word of it. This will be lengthy so you've been warned Coming from a millenial's perspective (yes I know how to drive a stick shift and still drive a 2004 accent w/manual trans - lol) and a lone wolf - when I was in HS I wasn't necessarily an attention seeker as I rarely spoke to anyone as I only had a select few friends. I made straight A's and college bound and my parents valued education above all else. The whole clichè parents' take on life - get good grades, graduate, good job and your life will be set. I joined some clubs to get involved as to look good on my college application..blah blah. I didn't really enjoy it at all - I wore a happy mask but I did my duties to the best of my ability to get the job(s) done. I dressed how I wanted (Jnco skater jeans were in) and didn't give a flying f*** about what anyone else thought. Again, I made the grades so parents didn't care. I still dress somewhat the same even though the style is out but again I could care less what other's think. Through all this and since I was 7 y/o I had always loved diapers. The short story is that I'm aware our fascination with them never really goes away. I didn't buy my first pack of plastic backed diapers until I was 16 when I got my license. My mom found them in my trunk one day and I told her I was having some bedwetting issues. She took me to a uro and they actually said I had a small bladder lol. Anywho nothing came of that (no uti etc) and now that I'm all grown up(?) I can wear whenever I want. This might be TMI but I am a virgin and live alone - on the asexual side as I never got any pleasure or worthwhile experiences in intimate relationships. In a way I don't like the idea of premarital sex and potentially being stuck with paying child support. I simply said nah...not for me. Move on guys and gals - not interested. I learned after I left HS - all the BS and clowns that tried to make life difficult then; well you'll never see them again and frankly I could have cared less. A whole new chapter begins, right? I met a lot of cool people after graduation and took a few trips here and there. I stayed in touch with a great deal of people but in my personal experience, nothing really ever lasts. Even my comrade in arms who I still think of as a brother had moved away so we mainly talk via messaging apps. As I will outline below - this is my take on what makes me happy. You mention a lot about stressors etc. A lot of it is tied to obligations to other people and actually giving a s*** about their opinions. I am a lone wolf for a reason and nobody knows the REAL me IRL. I'm the guy that will gladly help you out but as long as they respect my space and mind their own business - if this makes sense. So living my life this way - I can walk around in just a shirt & diaper inside my place, workout in a tank top and diaper (i have my own personal gym!), have a toddler-sized bed (I'm very slim and boyish figure)...etc etc and I don't owe a damned explanation to anyone. I don't care what other's think if they found diapers..etc if I have them over. My mom knows so she minds her business. At work I've met a lot of great clients and love helping them out even off the clock. They hold me in very high regards and I've been in the veterinary field close to two decades now - but I don't extend that "hit me up again anytime" deal I guess I give that vibe and I am happy I do. I also don't do any extracurricular activities, etc because; again I don't want any obligations on top of the stresses I already deal with at work. The work I do for pets and their owners speaks for itself and I go above and beyond so I see no reason to prove myself to anyone. TBH - People usually only text or msg me about their pets and if I have an opening on my schedule to see them or that their dog at so and so...etc. Never a "hey how are you?". When it boils down to it - people really only give a damn about themselves. What I'm getting at is by living a solitude life and doing what I want when I want with no ties to anyone/obligations etc I am a much happier person with as few associates as possible holding me back (marriage...group meets...expectations...etc). Even when my mom asks when will I find companionship, I simply tell her "I will when I meet someone who isnt toxic and has similar interests". She stopped asking long ago lol. I guess I really didn't offer any advice per se but just thought to give you my take on my philosophy and way of life(?). Like you said above - just focus on YOU. Don't worry about other's petty issues...that's their business and they'll figure it out. I pay my bills on time, pay my taxes, stay out of trouble and hardly get any spam emails, texts, calls, etc because I only do the bare minimum in the adult world of things...then when those responsibilities are done I have all the playtime to myself with nobody to get in my way or tell me what to do. Sure it can get lonely but I like it that way and there's always something to do without needing to satisfy anyone else's needs because...well I live alone and wouldn't have it any other way. I look forward to reading your posts and always like your thoughts on things. Keep pampered! ❤ #singlelife #ftw 1 Link to comment
~Brian~ Posted August 10, 2023 Author Share Posted August 10, 2023 UPDATE: (AUGUST 10, 2023): I just wanted to give an update as to what was going on with my journey. Since my last update in November of 2023, I can honestly say that I've been using diapers 24/7, and I have been increasing the usage of Them. Because of my incontinence, I find that diapers are a lot easier to deal with than anything else. Seems as if now I have been dealing with my incontinence for so long that it's just normal for me to just release in a diaper regardless of what it is. I'm getting better at taking care of situations, and it's just normal for me to clean up a mess when I need to. It's getting very easy for me to be able to make the changes because I'm so good at it. What has been causing me more problem is my neck and my head. My neck and my head have been hurting me for a long time because I have degenerative disk disease in my neck. I have been told this disease is something that I cannot control and as I age it'll get worse, but right now it just feels like something has pinched off a nerve in my neck and it's just getting worse because of the disk that is pinched down right next to it. It got so bad in the last 4 or 5 weeks that all I've been doing is feeling an intense pain in the back of my head or in my neck that shoots right up through my head, and my head is just hot and uncomfortable. Several times I've had to deal with uncomfortable situations with my neck being uncomfortable, or not being able to turn my head at all. Days ago I ended up in the emergency room trying to take care of that problem because I could barely turn my neck at all, and they had to give me a bunch of high power narcotics to be able to help me to relax the muscles, because once I get tight that's it, it's very hard to deal with. I've been to the doctor at least once since then, and I ended up getting some Prednisone to take care of some of that, but I'm not sure if that's going to help and they seem to think that happens to do with some of my sinuses or something causing issues, but all I can feel is pain and is very uncomfortable. And then that particular night, I get back from the ER after getting enough medicine so that I can actually move my neck and I'm feeling better, only to discover that I have two problems. The state of Vermont has decided ridiculously that there are certain over the counter medicines that are available over the counter that they will no longer carry on my insurance, and since they're over the counter, they are ridiculously expensive. My vitamin D is somewhere in the neighborhood of almost $30 for a full container, whereas my loratadine which I definitely need for 90 pills is like $60 a month! They tell us that they need to save money and this is a way to do it, first they take away my medicine, and then they take away something else something that is very important to me, and something that has been working ever since twenty nineteen: They now tell us that in the state they have contracted with ActivStyle: This is something that the state has decided to do because they say it's supposed to be easier for people to be able to get supplies. During that particular letter all they told us was to call Green Mountain care support, which is basically the customer service center for our Medicaid coverage in the state. NONE OF These idiots know exactly what's going on, and since they only sit in front of computer screens and read what is on a computer, they are very unprepared to be able to deal with a Particular situation, and not only that, but they can't even get me in touch with anyone in the state that I can deal with, so I have to call the governor's office in the state of Vermont. Mind you this is after several days of intense rain starting on July 10th! During that particular flood event, we had several cities and towns all over the state of Vermont be destroyed by flood waters. Now we have probably in the amount of 10s of millions of dollars in damage in the city of Montpelier, and probably millions of dollars in the city of Barre, VT, and not only that these changes come at the end of July, I got a message about this change on the 27th of July and it's supposed to be effective August first, and this is when I was inside the ER trying to get rid of pain in my neck here I am trying to call everybody that I can think of to try to get an answer, I couldn't get such an answer, they've taken away my medicine that I need my allergy med is important, but they want us to pay almost $30 a month or $35 a month depending on whether you want a 30A60 or a 90 day supply, and then I need my vitamin D cause I don't have it available cause I don't drink milk, because I'm lactose intolerant! I don't mind so much the fact that my medicine needs to be looked at but when they turn around and they mess with diapers and other things that I need as an incontinent individual then I have to step in and step on some heads! When they did this, they basically said that it would take effect on the 15th of August, and I got the letter dated July 24th. During this time I had to call everybody in the state that I could think of, finally yelling at people and trying to get them to understand that what they are doing is making us go from having good products to wearing bounty paper towels on a rear end. When I finally talked to one of the advocates, she laughed, but I basically told the lady that I wasn't, and I have to wear whatever they're telling me that they're saying they want to replace it with, and I am fine with what I am getting, but the state doesn't want to pay for it anymore, I had to fight like mad to be able to keep what I have, because I have a contract with a company in New Hampshire that will provide me with Megamax diapers, and the state have been paying that for almost For years now, and I think that this is a terrible time to be making changes. So basically, if I didn't fight and questioned them, I would end up being wearing paper towels on the 15th August for diapers, and they would be able to save a ton of money, at the expense of those who need better quality diapers. I told the state that the problem is that they give you plenty of quantity, but they don't have any quality, which is why I told the state that every single provider of diapers that you can get them on line i've tried and I don't like them, because they're all the same they're all clothed back and they all suck! The people that are making this change are aware that the products suck but they're making us take it, luckily I was able to get them to look at my my situation, and understand that I don't need them changed because I need better quality diapers and they work. I remember quite clearly that the state told me that I have tried everything that they asked me to try which is everything cloth backed. They acknowledge that I've tried everything that they wanted me to, that was cloth back and nothing was effective. Also told me that once that I had done that, proved that I needed better diapers, I had already done that, and that I would never ever ever have to do that again! Now that the state has decided to make the change and go to one company, they decided to use active style, and I was able to stick it to the state when I basically told them that active style and any other product company that you deal with online does not sell anything plastic backed, so anything that they give me is not going to be usable by me, and I refuse the service. I want to tell them something worse than that, telling them that their products suck they don't understand what people need, and all they wanna do is save money at the expense of those who need better product. This has always been my main concern: the state wants to save money, but they don't understand that what people have works for them, and the state promised me that if something worked they wouldn't change it, so they end up hiring some 3rd party conglomerate that can give them a huge deal, and they end up screwing everybody that doesn't want their service, because there are people that can't afford what they're asking for prices. As I said I have a special setup with the state a contract that says that they will provide me the megamax diapers through a New Hampshire supplier, and they can take that money that Medicaid pays them for that purpose and go to any supplier they wish. I decided to ask the provider to go with North Shore because they know exactly what People need, and they know how to take care of their customers. Had one problem with North Shore except for a delivery problem where one delivery of diapers was so hard in the center it felt like I was wearing cardboard. That happened, the owner of the company took care of that and I haven't had a problem since. Apparently the state has had a major problems with saving money so they want to cut it where it hurts the most, and I have a fair hearing scheduled for the 24th of September: I am not very optimistic that I will win this, but if I tell them what I end up with cost maybe they'll understand that cutting it doesn't help. I don't like the fact that they decide to cut something with 3 or four days notice, and I don't like the fact that they cut something and then tell us to call our Green Mountain care support center, but the support center is a laugh, and they don't know what your situation is they don't have any information that you called, and they don't have any information about who to call to contest it. It's a wonder why I haven't totally gone crazy! My head has been in pain for the last two and a half to five weeks, and I've been in the ER once. I finally got some of the medicine that I requested yesterday, and I'll get that tomorrow, but it still doesn't help me when we're dealing with medicine even though I've won the battle with the diapers and my boosters and all of that. That will stay the same which is a good thing! Earlier in June I had to have a colonoscopy: this was something that was sort of a nightmare because I had to go in on a Sunday which was fine, but it took a whole bunch of people at my doctor's office plus the transportation provider to be able to get me there, because somebody had scheduled me on a Monday morning and I didn't have a way of getting in there, and I needed to be admitted into the hospital in order to be prepped for the procedure. During the procedure they want you to take something called Goprep: this stuff is basically some sort of laxative that doesn't have any taste or any flavor, when they ask if you want flavoring added it doesn't taste like whatever they tell you it is whether it be lemon or lime or whatever they had. I had to drink four liters of this disgusting liquid and I didn't even get to drink about a third of it because it made me violently ill. I ended up having to stop drinking at about 6 in the morning and I basically told my nurse crying uncontrollably that I could not do it anymore! I get down to the procedure room and then they put me out and then they come back 35 to 45 minutes later after the procedure is supposedly been completed telling me I was not totally clean. So there's a guy that was working with me, and he tells me that there was another way for me to do it after I vehemently denied that I was going to go back upstairs and do this again! Wanted me to go through the same prep using the same crappy stuff that I was violently ill because of, and the guy that was talking to me basically said that they could have given me miralax and Gatorade, but they didn't do that the night before and that's what they should have done, and they were vehemently opposed to saying anything other than that's what everybody gets when they are admitted: and I told them that I was a special case and I needed to be admitted because I needed the help because I can't change myself every time that I make a mess, and it would just be totally ridiculous because I would have to have somebody drive me up at 7:00 o'clock in the morning to get me ready for the procedure, and I have no one that's capable of doing that. That is why I came in on a Sunday, and that is why I asked to be admitted: anything that requires Me to do prep work that I can't do myself, I want to be admitted: it makes it a lot safer for me, and as a result, I don't have to worry about making a mess, because the nurses were there. When I ended up having the Miralax Gatorade method, it only took me the same amount of hours it took me on Monday night to be able to get to it on Tuesday morning, and I was actually clear by 7:00 o'clock. They had me going down and they had me sedated and I was done in less than an hour, and then they told me that I was clear. When I ended up getting done on Monday afternoon I told the doctor that I needed some medicine because I just was so tired and all of my muscles were so tight that she gave me some medicine to help me relax. I am lucky that I don't have to go back again until I'm 61 tell you one thing I'll never forget: the nurses and aids and everybody that were working with me were awesome, and the people that were working to admit me and get me set up for this procedure were amazing they were professional and they were always caring and they took care of all of my particular needs. They changed me a total of 27 times during the entire stay while I was in the hospital over 2 days, and they didn't even have to bat an eyelash they just did it: my home program does not allow anyone to be changing me, and there's no one who would be able to come out just for 1 night to make sure that I had all the prep completed: so that's why I went in the night before, so that I would be all set and they would be able to do the colonoscopy in the morning, but unfortunately the colo had to be redone twice, because of some dork head that insisted on giving me one set of options when two sets were available and the marrow ax Gatorade situation was a hell of a lot different than drinking four liters of stuff that I couldn't even stomach! My advice to everyone is this: if you have a secondary choice, take your secondary choice and don't allow them to throw you the go prep: it is disgusting and it doesn't even give you any electrolytes or anything and it makes you thirstier than a camel in the middle of the Sahara with no water! At least when I took the mirror action Gatorade I had already known what it is because I use it when I need it, I know how to administer it, and Gatorade at least has the ability as a thirst quencher whereas the goprep doesn't even quench your thirst, and if that's the only thing you can drink, meaning the Gatorade full of that, I would rather drink the Gatorade than drink nothing at all. Always go with your Gatorade Mira wax material instead of going with Goprep it's a lot easier on the stomach you won't be sick to your stomach and it's a lot more advantageous, because you can get in there and get it done! When it comes to my diapers and Whatnot, I won that war! Everything will stay the same, which is a heck of a lot better than what I was given on the twenty-fourth of July! Sometimes I wonder if the purpose of Medicaid Division in the state of Vermont is to cause people like me to have major problems headaches and a lot of stress that you don't need, and it's just a pain in the ****! There are times that I'm glad that I'm incontinent: and one of the Times that I'm glad I'm incontinent is when I had my colonoscopy! I set a number of records that day cause I've never been changed 27 times in two days! I've changed myself many times but not to that level, and I have to hand it to the nurses they were professional they knew exactly what was going on and they also knew that I couldn't do it myself, which is the reason I was in the hospital in the first place. Hospitalist and my PCP were awesome and they took care of my every need and I couldn't ask for a better team of individuals. Now I just have to worry about my medicines and I should be all set I have that fair hearing on the 24th of September so hopefully that will take care of it and hopefully I'll be able to win! Wish me luck and I'll keep you advised! Brian Link to comment
ppdude Posted August 11, 2023 Share Posted August 11, 2023 Unlike you, I've been screwed from the beginning, My insurance (whether employer supplied or later Medicare had no provisions for diapers and the cost has been fully borne by me. I could never qualify for Medicaid as my income level was too high, even when considered disabled. To this day, I bear the full cost of wearing and using diapers. I am on a fixed income which still keeps me barely above the poverty line which I conclude is done purposely. My fixed income is higher than many others as I paid an exorbitant amount in taxes during my lifetime. I found a good supplier and Betterdry diapers at a reasonable cost that I can afford. Northshore was never a cost effective option for me. A colonoscopy was suggested last week and I turned them down. Did the same for the one you do at home but have to play with your poop to send in a sample. Ain't happening. Stay well and prosper. 1 Link to comment
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