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Beccathelittle last won the day on November 15 2022
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Thank you I guess we were in a unique situation of discussing the relationship and admitting feelings for each other a while back online. It started with me just asking if she had any silly kinks. Instead of explaining things outright, we ended up taking one of those quizzes that go over all the kinks to measure where we were on the scale. kink link < link to the quiz. This was my roundabout way of introducing her to ABDL/ageplay. Her results showed she leaned toward a friendly dominant type, which I already kind of knew, but no ageplay. Mine, of course, made the obvious clear. She asked more about it, which led to me explaining that I deal with incontinence and have been wearing diapers for everything. I also shared that ageplay is something I enjoy as a way to express myself with diapers, more about comfort and relaxation than anything sexual. Despite the nervous embarrassment, she took it really well. She said it didn’t bother her at all and even wanted to understand ageplay more. I ended up sharing a few Tumblr links to a few content creators and other things while explaining it. The next week, she went on a mini research spree herself, learning more about it and what makes a caregiver/mommy role fun for a little. She got so invested that she bought me coloring books, crayons, a little mat, an adorable fox onesie, and a paci! All of which were incredibly sweet when I visited her. So yeah, it went well, to say the least. It meant risking embarrassment, her taking it the wrong way, or even losing the relationship. But in the end, being myself and feeling loved and accepted for who I am was exactly why I waited for the right thing to come along. And it worked out. I didn’t tell her right away that I "self-imposed" it, but I did explain that after so many years of wearing diapers for, it’s become a permanent need that induced body and mind changes rather than something I’d just go without. She understood it that way and has had no issues with it.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Hi DD! Long time no talk! Hope everyone is well. It’s been a while since my last update, and quite a bit has happened since then. Let’s see... Today marks 3 years, 7 months, and 24 days of being happily padded. Time really does fly… When we left off in my last post, I was about to go on my first vacation to meet a friend for 11 days. The trip was amazing, and what started as an online friendship (spanning a few years) turned into a relationship. There’s a lot to unpack about managing incontinence and diapers during travel, so let’s start with the pre-planning. Before the trip, I had a case of supplies shipped from Northshore to her apartment, so everything was ready when I arrived. She also picked up baby powder, wipes, trash bags, and cream at the grocery store beforehand, though you could easily have those shipped via Amazon if you weren’t staying with someone. Since my supplies were already there, I traveled light: two carry-ons for clothes, plus three diapers and wipes just in case I needed a change at the airport. The airport experience wasn’t the most fun when it comes to full-time wearing. At security (both departing and returning), I got pat-downs because the machines detected the padding. There was also the awkward moment when TSA opened my bag, looked inside, said “Oh…” in silence, and closed it again. The pat-downs were fine.. I wasn’t embarrassed, just told them upfront, and they let me through. I’ve heard you can get pre-approval to avoid some of this, but since I rarely fly, it hasn’t been a big concern. Changing in airport bathrooms isn’t ideal (space-wise), but it was manageable. Being a tourist in DC was super fun! The food, sights, and free museums were amazing. Changing in public was easy since I carried a light backpack with supplies, and I never ran into issues. We even went to Hell’s Kitchen in DC, and I finally got to try the beef Wellington I’d always seen on YouTube. (No Gordon Ramsay, though, not that I expected him to be there, lol.) The only downside was the weather as it was cold, rainy, and a lot of rightfully so upset locals due to political job losses… but I digress. Living around her apartment and sharing a bed with someone who knew about my diapers could’ve been awkward or embarrassing if she hadn’t been fully informed long before. Thankfully, because I was upfront about my incontinence and she was completely loving and accepting (even offering to help change me!)it just became a tiny, normal part of who I am. Background noise as diapering normally is. She even bought me a super cute onesie with foxes and a fox paci! She was adorably sweet, and she gave it to me when I arrived After that first vacation, she came down to Texas the next month for nine days. We did touristy things here, and I managed changes by keeping a backpack of supplies in the car. We had a blast, and now she’s in the process of packing up to move here soon! So yeah, that’s my life update. If anyone’s worried that being padded 24/7 will keep them from finding a relationship, don’t. It’s a silly thing to stress over. Just be yourself, and things will work out. As for changes since my last update, I had one surreal experience. Maybe it’s from nearly four years of this, or just being more at peace with myself, but four days ago, while driving to pick up groceries, I suddenly realized I was mid-mess without even consciously deciding to go. It was like snapping out of a daze. Thankfully, I was just doing curbside pickup, so I didn’t have to leave the car. But yeah, it’s becoming more of a mindless habit now. I’ve also noticed my pelvic floor is very different from when I started; little leaks in/out of the shower or when lying down in a fresh diaper are a daily occurrence now. Anyway, that’s my long-overdue update! Sorry for not being on the forums much, life gets busy, and I usually only post when I have something to share.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Hey DD, Today marks 1,245 days in diapers That’s 3 years, 4 months, and 27 days… nearly 41 months in total as a happily padded woman. I like using this blog post format to share little updates, but I feel like I struggle to write meaningful things if I post too frequently, especially when so many days just blur together. Reading about other people’s journeys on this board is always fun, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in my unique desires. When I first started down this road, I relied on others' experiences for guidance on what to expect. I read “guides” and had this desire to achieve diaper dependency as quickly as possible. This board is filled with a lot of common questions, and it seems like some people shared my early desires—wanting to become “incontinent” as if it were as simple as flipping a switch. It’s also challenging because AB/DL is a kink, and I feel like some posters delve into fantasy rather than reality. While every person is biologically different, some paint a picture that you’ll reach your goals within a few weeks or the first year, exaggerating effects that can make others worry if their experiences don’t match up. In reality, progress is subtle and slow, but it sneaks up on you over the years. Eventually, you reach a point where you realize, “Hey, these diapers I’ve been wearing for so long… I actually need them now.” I think guides should focus more on practical advice like skin care, clothing choices, diet, and other things people often overlook, rather than just how to achieve dependency as quickly as possible. For me, and I’m sure for others who decide to go down this path, simply putting on a diaper and using it for its intended purpose, and choosing to void as soon as the need arises is more than enough to get there. I’ve read about others who opt for surgical routes, some who never even tried wearing diapers for an extended period, and it makes me wonder why. It’s like buying a new car without ever test-driving it. Why do that to yourself if you’ve never experienced it firsthand? For those who have been wearing 24/7 for years and choose surgery, I can understand—they know what they’re getting into, and there may be biological reasons for it. But for most, why not start with the simplest option.. just wearing and using diapers? The slow march of time when it comes to wearing diapers 24/7 is subtle, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world in terms of the joy and happiness it brings me. The changes in your body are gradual but build over time, and eventually, you’ll find that your body truly has a mind of its own. Your brain starts rewiring itself, and you’ll wet or mess as soon as the urge strikes. Mentally, it’s also important to make peace with who you are and what you desire. When I first started, I felt silly, anxious around others, and like I was faking it. But over time, those thoughts faded as my body adapted, and new experiences solidified my identity as incontinent. I also think our perception of “control” is an illusion after many years. In stressful or uncomfortable situations, our fight-or-flight response can make it feel like we have more control than we actually do. In reality, after years of wearing, you’re voiding continuously, and outside of stressful situations, you’re often wetting unnoticed or all the time. It’s amazing how the body adapts, but there comes a point where it no longer functions the way it used to. Eventually, even in stressful situations, you don’t have a choice—something I experienced in a slightly embarrassing situation yesterday. Yesterday, I had to go to the office to meet with a vendor and a few colleagues. After a long meeting, they took us out to lunch, and since we were returning to the office, we all carpooled. I grabbed my laptop bag, which had a few diaper changes, and off we went. Lunch was delicious, but on the ride back, I felt a strong gut feeling, followed by a few uncontrolled toots, leaving me slightly embarrassed. There was no stopping it—I struggled to even remember how to hold it in. Whether it was the way I was seated or the movement of the car, I thankfully didn’t think I’d fully mess, but I could feel the need and was worried it might happen in the car. When we finally got back to the parking lot, as soon as I stepped out of the car, it happened. My gut clenched, and I felt the drop. Thankfully, no one noticed, but my anxiety left me bright red. I quickly made my way to one of the private stalls in the office and spent the next 30 minutes carefully cleaning up. It made me reflect on how far I’ve come—I’m past the point of control. My body is now operating the way I’ve been living for years, and it’s on autopilot with little regard for my desire to temporarily stop it in uncomfortable situations. Anyway, I felt like sharing a longer update because it’s a great way to clear my mind and reflect on my thoughts. I figured others might want to comment or get something out of it too. My body is still changing every day, and I’m happy about that. Later this month, I’ll be flying out of state for a vacation with a friend to see some sights. She knows about my incontinence, and I’ve made plans to ship a case of diapers to the hotel where we’ll be staying for nine days. I’m excited to see where life takes me in the future, and I hope everyone has a wonderful week. If you have any questions, let me know I hope you’re all doing well out there in these tumultuous times.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Hey DD, Today is my 1184th day of diapers 3 years, 2 months 26 days! Happily padded as usual going into this Christmas season. Looking forward to spending time with family and friends and enjoying the holidays. Thankfully work is getting slower as everyone starts going on vacations. So what's changed? In the last few months, I've had some very unfun bladder spasms that were painfully bleh. But for the most part, my bladder control is still around the same, which is not much at all. While I don't have warnings much, in the rarest moments if I do it's usually already starting to dribble out. If I do get a need, It's usually when I'm walking, but it's easy to start a small trickle and it's over quickly. Is there an award for walking while dribbling? if so I'd like to be nominated. On the messier side of things, I've learned the difference between fast food and good food when it comes to messy habits. My bowels do not play nice with junk food anymore, and if I'm eating a bad meal, I can expect a bad time changing later. So I guess an added benefit is that it helped me want to eat better for that reason too? Still, not many changes that I can tell on this end. I am also still not messing in my sleep as some have asked about etc. That's my small little update, I wish I had a ton to write about, but when every day is more of the same, it's hard to keep track of what's something to write about. I am hopeful the tariff stuff in 2025 does not make my diaper necessity even more expensive. Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year! If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
No, but to elaborate I have no intention of "testing". I do feel it would probably be harder, especially because of how sudden the sensation is and how long I've been habitually voiding as soon as the need occurs. Maybe one day I'll try again to have a day where I try to control it. I feel this might work? But I have no intention of retraining 😅 At first I felt that I was imagining it, I guess I was more shocked then anything. Definitely made me feel little that morning, and I was wondering if it would happen again. I don't know if it will happen again in the future or not. Or if it was due to how I ate that day, or some other unknown variable. While I do wet my diaper every night while I sleep, my bowels don't really "push" anything until I wake up. Usually it's like as soon as I stand up, or a few minutes after getting out of bed, like when i'm getting tea in the morning etc. I don't know if that will change, but I wont be upset if it starts to happen more.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
it's hard for me to judge without trying I feel. I definitely am a dribble machine in or out of diapers when I'm taking a shower or bath and getting changed. I know that I'm generally wetting all the time, and I don't really have many warning signs anymore. I'd optimistically say yes, and that I'm sure it's possible but it would be a very massive struggle. Constantly needing to be close a toilet all day long but that feels very impractical when out and about or at work. Bedwetting would be a giant struggle to fix as well, and the suddenness of wetting or messing during the day would give me some panic like I'd constantly have to be clenching sort of thing and praying I don't slip up. I have little idea if my muscles have changed so dramatically that it would be impossible, but I don't feel like it would be. More just a massive inconvenience, and a pain. I'd also be worried about forgetting to hold it more then anything and the moment I'm distracted just wetting myself like I'm so used to doing. I wish I could tell you, or somebody with a medical background on this forums may be able to give a more grounded judgement. But at the moment I don't want to retrain, and I'm not planning on it anytime soon. Though i'm guessing the longer I'm in diapers, the more changes that will keep happening over the years to come. Will see. I did, though the dress cut and fabric made it impossible to hide the megamax I'm so used to wearing. It's why I went with the best option i had, northshore pullups instead. I normally use them when exercising, but after that experience I can safely say I'd much rather be in a diaper if it's longer than a few hours.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Normally, as soon as I wake up i'm either messing or after I have a glass of water. It's only happened once or twice in my sleep? While I do wet while sleeping, I'm unsure if my bowels are moving much while I sleep. I wouldn't know how to change or retrain that as well. Or why they seem so weak in general, but don't seem to do much while sleeping. will see if that ever changes but I don't know- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Hey DD, My third year anniversary! (technically 2 years 11 months 27 days) wowsers, time definitely has flown by, and here I am once more sitting down yet another soaked diaper. Who could of seen this coming? 😛 I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out over the years with questions, comments, or private dm's with questions etc it means a lot that people have kept up with my journal/blog thread. My body certainly has a mind of it's own when it comes to my bodily functions downstairs, and as time has gone on I would say that the control I have had is slowly dwindling more each day. A lot has happened since my last post in terms of life events, like a family wedding, birthdays, etc but in general most things are same ole same ole. New core memories (yay embarrassment) have been made from the three unfortunate incidents that also have happened since my last post so I'll share those as well. For the wedding ceremony / reception I was dressed in a cute green matching dress with the family that definitely wouldn't hide a thicker diaper well. Because of this I went with a pullup that promised 8 hours of absorbency and packed a bag with a few spares. The ceremony went well, but by the time I got to change it was so close to being full that I sort of freaked in a way. I hadn't recognized just how much I had even used it that day. For the reception after a change we had a awesome party but with alcohol involved I kind of forgot to even check, by the end of the night when I sat up, I realized the entire hem of my dress was soaked. Dark lightning didn't help much and I'm thankful nobody was really paying attention. (I hope). I left quietly as best I could, and ran to the bathroom to change and made my way to my car, trying to hide it with my clutch that did very little to hide anything. The other core embarrassing memories are more messy related. Both happening in the shower. 😑 The warning signs for needing to mess are non existent now adays, most times If I do get a warning, it's moments before I'm messing. Thankfully my body usually has a good cycle where I find myself messing usually when I wake up, around lunch, and sometimes before bed. But there have been two times now where I was unfortunately not diapered when it happened and both were no fun to clean. The first time was accidentally coughing from water in the shower that lead to a messy floor, yay fun. The second though, I blame watermelon. I had bought some fresh watermelon from the store and enjoyed some awesome noms that day. Well my bowels didn't appreciate it I guess, because it ended up on the shower floor. --- I'm sorry I don't really know what else to write about, to me it feels like I've reached many milestones over the last three years, but unless something major happens I don't know what else i can elaborate on. I'm still happily padded, and enjoying life, thankful I did commit three years ago instead of just fantasizing about it daily for years and years. Happy to answer questions and I wish you all a wonderful month ahead!- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Tiny update Hurricane Beryl was four days of no power, and a heatwave. Diapers & incontinence during a four day power outage and heatwave are definitely not the most fun experience. Glad to finally be out of the power outage, but oh my goodness was it bleh time. The thermostat read 82 indoors most days, and it's finally very chilly. Happy to have a wonderful shower, freshly cleaned hair, and self pampering time with power. Thankful to God there were no damages, amazingly a large tree landed right behind my car but did not damage it. Also very thankful I had a hoard of diapers, I cannot imagine shipping delays at this time. Hoping everyone in Texas also is getting through this ok, and that your power is restored soon if it's still not on.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
I can definitely understand a very active lifestyle making it harder to jump straight to 24/7. I found for exercise / yoga / jogging I do much better with pullups for the hour before going back to diapers after. It's not too bad, but if you find yourself out and about all hours of a day it definitely can make jumping to 24/7 harder early on while you're getting used to things. As for your itchy questions 😛 Barrier cream & Corn Starch Baby Powder solves my problems and protects my skin. I don't really find myself particularly itchy. But I have been in diapers 24/7 for close to 3 years so it's more just my "normal". If I have some sort of itch there is nothing stopping me from figuring out how to scratch it 🙃 Definitely don't decide to commit because of my experiences it's a very personal choice / decision and should be based on your own goals/desires. For me it was the right choice mentally and is a part of my life, but it doesn't mean it will be for you.- 259 replies
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*3 Year Update - My 24/7 Journey*
Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
My first line of thought is just to ask that you please don't use me as an example or rush into anything! But I did want to write out a better response so i took some time to write this for anyone considering 24/7.. I feel that in life we all have big and small regrets and if your mind is like mine, at times it's one that randomly blesses you with an old memory right before going to sleep like "Hey remember that one time you did xyz? How embarrassing.." Yes brain, I remember thank you for making me think about it again. It's crazy how something we choose to do can impact the future for ourselves and others. I can only speak for myself, but the idea of becoming incontinent or just wanting to return to diapers 24/7, in general, was one since childhood. It was a desire that if you asked how it manifested in the first place I couldn't tell you but it was one that I've never let go of. I guess in the small amount of wisdom I've learned through life, is that some decisions are easy and inconsequential to pick such as pizza night or taco night. But others should never be hastily picked and can impact your own personal future in major ways. An example would be picking a degree which takes years and if you end up hating it or you find no job opportunities you're financially hurt or in a worse state then when you started. I'm also somewhat reminded of the biblical principle of "counting the cost" of any big decision in life. Whereas you're not discipling others, you are committing to a new lifestyle that affects you a ton! A few examples: Mental & Body Health, Relationships, Jobs, Money, Vacations/Trips you name it. Diapers fall into the major category, and to go further it's life-impacting for yourself and others. As to the extent of that impact, it also comes down to how you choose to handle everything concerning diapers & being 24/7. Here are a few things I considered before starting and anyone else 100% should as well: Social Impacts - Family, Friends, and Spouses all can be impacted. Say your family wants to have a vacation together or a family event.. If you choose to not go because of being incontinent/diapers, you're negatively impacting yourself and others. You missed out on a cool trip, a cool experience, meeting or being together with loved ones, you never got an opportunity to xyz which would of led to xyz. If you can't see yourself making the same choices you do now, then why even try to commit in the first place? Money - Diapers & supplies are expensive, if you're on a very limited budget or find yourself with no budget (like a job loss) then it doesn't sound like you're in a situation where you can commit to 24/7. Work - Do you have a job where you are comfortable with being 24/7? If not, unless you're blessed to be a stay at home bab (lucky you i'm jelly!) then it doesn't sound like you can be 24/7. Vacations - If you're incontinent, vacations do mean ensuring you have supplies at all times.. This can make vacations on the fly harder, you have to always plan to have supplies with you. Are you ready for that? Body Health / Cleanliness - As much as I love diapers, I'm also concerned with my cleanliness and that I'm courteous to others. I do my best to always practice healthy skin practices, keeping my skin clean, using barrier creams, and washing a lot. We become nose blind over time, unable to smell things we're used to. If you don't commit to keeping yourself clean you will end up smelling like a toilet wherever you go. People will know, and it's unfair to others. Can you commit to healthy practices for the rest of your life? Mental Health - Are you happier with diapers or without them? Will the loss of control affect you negatively? Can you see yourself in diapers for the rest of your life and how does that make you feel? Can you imagine yourself wetting/messing without control in the biggest social gathering events or with friends/family/loved ones? Only you can know this for yourself. If you find that even wearing diapers stop you from being around others or going out you're going to end up a hermit. Is that what you want? Sounds depressing tbh. Hobbies / Activities - Everyone has hobbies or group activities around others. Can you see yourself being in diapers while doing them? If diapers cause you to give up those things, then I'd say you're not going to be able to commit to 24/7. Clothing / Outfits - Your wardrobe will change.. Lots.. Are you OK with that? Love those xyz? Well it no longer fits or looks great while padded. Guess I have to wear something else. Are you ok with your wardrobe changing? These are only a few things I could think to write about, but there are plenty more you or anyone should consider before committing to 24/7. I hope that people who do read this with that intention are not using me as an example of "well it worked out for her, i'll be fine" or the reason they decided to commit. It's a major life decision, and it's one anyone needs to put A LOT of brainpower on before starting. I have no regret about being 24/7 or wearing diapers because I planned for the above well before I committed to start wearing them in the first place. Also, I've not once let diapers dictate if I'll go to an event with a friend. I'll go to that event, I'll do what I would have done even if I wasn't incontinent. I'll just make sure to bring changes & cleaning, and worst case scenario my friend now knows Becca wears diapers. So please dear reader 😛 don't decide to 24/7 unless you're ready for everything. Don't become a hermit, don't let your life be dictated by your diapers. Consider everything and don't rush. You are the author of your own life choices, your book to be filled. If it's one of a guy or gal who's incontinent, then at least make it a fun happy one, and not a tale of depression, sorrow, and regrets.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
I want to believe that they still don't know, but I have a feeling my mom might be aware more then she is letting on. She made a weird comment which possibly alluded to her knowing I was wearing protection but also could of been a completely harmless joke with no knowledge a few months ago. I didn't push it and kinda wondered if she may know. Hoping they are still clueless but eventually it may happen and I'll have to accept it. I'd still like to keep my privacy on the matter for obvious reasons and hope to continue this masquerade of a non incontinent person in their mind. To me being incontinent & wearing diapers is great, but to my family it would be one of concern and constant pushing towards doctors & surgeons. If I can live life without them knowing, the better. To the first one comment 🤮, I really shudder at the thought of that lol. But it may one day happen and I'm sure i'd be just as red faced embarrassed to the situation. I responded to your second question more above with carsfan question.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Hey DD, Today makes 1007 Days or 2 years, 9 months, 3 days of diapers 24/7. 24,168 Hours of 24/7 minus a few here or there where I spent time between changes, bathing, and the one day I tried my feat of strength last time. It's also close to $9.3K spent on diapers & supplies if you average the cost of diapers, and supplies over the 33 months.. Definitely not cheap I need to win some contest for a lifetime supply. One can dream. Before writing this update I've spent the last couple of days self-reflecting on where I am and just how far I've come, and I wanted to share how I currently see and feel about myself and my current situation. When I started this journey, I wasn't sure what progress could or would happen regarding "losing control". I had spent close to a year and a half at that time wearing diapers to bed for comfort and eventually developed nightly bedwetting to my happy surprise which encouraged me to start wearing 24/7. When i first started it felt like I was just "pretending" and over analyzing everything to try and sense for any changes. It was hard to use a diaper in public, or around friends and I was a little anxious from time to time. Changing in public was also very hard, and it took a lot of planning. As time progressed ever slowly and the months started adding up I became more comfortable and used to just being wet or messing. I knew I was doing something to my body, but it felt more like aside from "retraining" that I could easily retrain myself and be no more incontinent then when I first started. Time further continued and I slowly began to feel no longer that I was "pretending" anything, and more to feeling like I was becoming incontinent. 8 months ago I decided to "test" my control by wearing some cheap panties I bought at the grocery store for half a day. The feeling of wearing next to nothing made me anxious and I spent the half day in a constant state of hyperfocus on my control. I tried to drink my normal amounts of water/tea and I was rushing to the bathroom every 15 to 25 minutes. A little leakage but nothing that surprised me, and I felt like I still "had control". To me it felt like I was just diaper trained, but now as I reflect on it I realize it was the control a toddler had but less. I couldn't have pushed myself past that 15 to 25 minute mark, I knew if I didn't race I'd be soaking my clothes & furniture. I found myself exhausted, and after my bath closer to 6pmish I didn't want to spend another second out of the diapers I was so very used too and went back to my normal padded lifestyle. Time continues forward to now, 8 months later and the idea that I still have "control" seems laughable. I don't view myself as "continent, or pretending, or as just a diaper-trained individual". I see myself as completely incontinent, and subconsciously I feel the same. I couldn't tell you a time I've not had a dream that didn't involve me in diapers, getting changed, or having xyz person change me in a dream. I sit here having just messed myself while writing this. I don't feel different, I don't feel like something is amiss or wrong. I think "normal". My brain didn't alert me, I just felt a quick need and went. Where did that imaginary line I crossed in my head go from "pretending / diaper training to just being incontinent I'm unsure. My body feels like it's on autopilot, it's not something I fret or worry over, and my brain sure isn't caring to alert me much these days. I couldn't imagine spending a day without wearing diapers, or having changes with me wherever I go. I have to rely on diapers now wherever I end up going. Every trip, hanging out with friends, work trips, vacations, family get togethers etc means I have to make sure I have an abundant supply of diapers & wipes to make sure I keep everything around me dry. Should I hate this or be upset with myself? I don't feel that way at all. I love who I am, and I love the life I have. I'm not unhappy in the slightest, but it has been a weird journey along the way. Without exaggeration I feel I have decimated my control and yet I'm at peace and just happy about life in general. As I continue to write this feeling further dribbling into a soaked & messy dip feels like a testament to the 33 months of constant use. My control has slipped more each day, and it's just been a slow & subtle experience. My body went from being something I totally felt in control of, to now feeling more like it's out of my control. Autopilot wetting/messing was a feature I didn't realize I had. A funny situation happened last month, for the first time in my life. I was in the shower washing my hair and ended up getting some water down my lungs which made me cough/choke for a moment. In that moment, I found myself soiling the bathtub. I had to clean up a mess that I didn't even know was coming my way. Mother's day was fun, though we celebrated it as a family the week after. I made a very audible & uncontrolled toot which my siblings laughed too much to my slight embarrassment. The joys of flatulence I guess.. I have a friends wedding coming up early next month, and here I am still waiting for the venue information & schedule so I can try to come up with some sort of plan for changes and dress code. Here is hoping my autopilot mode doesn't land me in an unfun situation. So there you go, my latest update to the journal.. I finally get to change this diaper. Still happy and feeling good about life in general.. I hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead and that you're all blessed ❤️ If you have any questions I can try to answer I'll do my best.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
Ah yes, the feat of strength Well, it's been about five or six months since I last attempted it, and I'd have to buy some undies for that attempt again. Going without diapers during that attempt was not fun, it definitely was racing to the bathroom so very often. But If I did attempt it again, the one thing I didn't really test was just how long I could go by ignoring the pain. Pretty much I felt like my bum was glued to the potty that day. I went as soon as I felt the need, which was practically all the time I quickly went. Honestly by the end of the test, I was happy to be back in diapers after my bath. Way less mentally taxing and exhausting. If I were to test it again, I guess I would just test the length of time I could push past the pain / warning. I do sort of wonder if there would be a limit , and to what extent. I definitely don't feel I'd do well trying to feat of strength out and about away from a toilet very close by. I'm not really in a rush to committing to a second attempt just yet, but as I'm now closer to my 3rd year of 24/7 I will probably go for a second test closer to my fourth year. I'm positive my body is still adapting and changing, but it's so hard to truly know what's going on internally without medical testing which I don't really intend to discuss with a doctor or urologist at this point. Honestly the thought of even admitting to a doctor that, yes for the last 3 years I've been using my pants for my potty doesn't sound like a fun experience or one that would read well in a medical entry for life. I may have to one day, but so far I've done my best to avoid my doctor knowing about that.- 259 replies
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Beccathelittle replied to Beccathelittle's topic in Incontinent-Desires
I'm content, and I feel if that was a fear I'd never have stepped back into dips permanently in the first place. I already "mess" 2-3 times a day, if it where to go beyond that, I'd probably adjust my diet a bit Believe it or not a monthly supply of disposable dips adds up so I'd like to keep it to a maximum of 4-5 a day. (normally around 4) But no, there are no fears. Thanks Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!- 259 replies
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