Why Do People Have To Be So Judgemental?

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental & why people judge without walking a mile in the person's shoes of who they are judging. People constantly tell me that what I go through isn't that bad, when none of them have any Idea of what I have to go through or what my life is like. Who are they to pass judgement? I think of people who have illnesses such as cancer, it may appear as if they aren't suffering or hurting, but just because it doesn't look like it, doesn't mean that they aren't suffering or hurting. Oh how I wish for someone to empathize with me.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2011!

[spoonchicken]

Why?....because!..."People are stupid, and they suck"

[DailyDi]

I only judge your choice of baseball teams

Seriously tho: You have friends on here. I know that's not the same as real-world people, but real-world people can be schmucks!

[BabyTara]

Seriously tho: You have friends on here. I know that's not the same as real-world people, but real-world people can be schmucks!

I've had a few issues with a couple people on here, but overall, I feel very accepted. You do a good job running this site, DailyDi!

Rockies Fan: if people don't want to be nice, forget about them, they're not worth it. I know that's a total cliche, but it's the theory I try to live by and it has been working pretty well so far.

[Sophie ♥]

Why?....because!..."People are stupid, and they suck"

Honesty. <3

[beallucanb]

I have a problem with my leg from an accident at work(it was destroyed), and I have a handicapped parking placard.

I do walk half decently after many years of therapy (4) and my own therapy for another 8 years.

I get dirty looks and comments from people who think I shouldn't park my nice sports car in a handicapped spot.

people are so stupid if they can't see your problem they think you don't have one.

I would like them to spend a day just on my meds, let alone some of the pain I put up with just so I can function like a human.

[Diapered Jason]

Why are people so judgmental? Well in some instances, when we judge other people, we are really judging ourselves or comparing that person to ourselves. Perhaps the person who is judging feels better or even contempt when the judged person is less well off then themselves. Sometimes, I think people are instinctively competitive like a couple of dogs fighting over their food.

[heartwood]

this site suffers from political correctness

[diaperpt]

Why are people so judgmental? Well in some instances, when we judge other people, we are really judging ourselves or comparing that person to ourselves. Perhaps the person who is judging feels better or even contempt when the judged person is less well off then themselves. Sometimes, I think people are instinctively competitive like a couple of dogs fighting over their food.

pretty accurate. Some well meaning people may even say you don't have it so bad to make you feel better. Well, it didn't work and won't with much of anyone! You are the only one who can say how bad you've got things. People shouldn't compare; they should just try to understand how you feel.

[babylin]

pretty accurate. Some well meaning people may even say you don't have it so bad to make you feel better. Well, it didn't work and won't with much of anyone! You are the only one who can say how bad you've got things. People shouldn't compare; they should just try to understand how you feel.

[babylin]

Diaperpt: pretty accurate. Some well meaning people may even say you don't have it so bad to make you feel better.

Seems is a social custom.

Met a friend at the casino. He says "How you doing?

I reply: Not too good. Got a bulging disc. Hurts like hell.

He says: I got a crushed one. I take a little pill.

I tell the sales lady as I'm buying two large Attends packs: I got cancer. I wear diapers.

She gives me a "Ya dummy" look and replies: You're alive.

I react to statin drugs and had an episode of rhamdomolysis. Dr got me a consult for next month with a super specialist in Ann Arbor to rule out ALS.

A lot of us live in pain. Some of us know the fear of death.

Rockies had a great start this year!

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[sarah_ab]

Diaperpt: pretty accurate. Some well meaning people may even say you don't have it so bad to make you feel better.

Seems is a social custom.

Met a friend at the casino. He says "How you doing?

I reply: Not too good. Got a bulging disc. Hurts like hell.

He says: I got a crushed one. I take a little pill.

I tell the sales lady as I'm buying two large Attends packs: I got cancer. I wear diapers.

She gives me a "Ya dummy" look and replies: You're alive.

first off, maybe your friend was 1. trying to show you he understands your pain by telling you he too has a back injury, and 2. suggest that you may want to talk to your dr about a treatment that workd for him...

second one... dude you just randomly tell a cashier you have cancer and wear diapers.. how the hell is she supposed to react? i mean you aren't friends, you have a 30 second relationship... some people are good at thinking on the fly of something to say, others sorta freeze ... I mean if i walk up to you on the street, out of no where and say "i've got six months to live, i shit myself uncontrollably and need someone to chew food up for me" its not exactly expected.

to the OP.... i think sometimes people say something like "its not so bad" because htey truely are trying to 'cheer you up' or let you know they hear what you are saying... its just they suck at trying t convey that.... I know sometimes i'd rather just have someone say, man i hear what you are saying, and i can't begin to imagine how you feel. At least that would tell me they hear me, and know its something you can't just 'get over'...

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

it may appear as if they aren't suffering or hurting, but just because it doesn't look like it, doesn't mean that they aren't suffering or hurting.

I know what you mean Rockies fan. I'm bipolar and I feel the same way. If my life don't get better in a year, then I'm ready to meet my maker. I had a great 5 years, but I've wasted the last 6, cause my doctors told me to file for disability.

Here's what I've learned. Surround yourself, with good friends, or family. Unfortuntley my family sucks, they're bipolar, but they don't accept they have a problem.

Live life to it's fullest, there are no guarrantie's for tomorrow.

Everyday you wake up, thank god, or whatever you believe in.

Make sure whatever your doing have fun, and enjoy the moment.

Also remember, what my problems are, as well as yours they could always be worse. Alot of people don't have computers, so we have something going for us. We both must have a home, be happy for that. My point is be grateful, it can always be worse!

Sorry so long, hope I've been of some help

[jbz2079]

this site suffers from political correctness.

Would you like to explain that comment?

There is only the very lucky few that sail through life without problems or hassel of one kind or another these days.

Whether it be financial, housing, relationships or physical or mental problems.

Nearly everyone I know is dealing with something, something that takes the shine off their day, but at least because they have friends they have someone they can bounce their problems and feelings off.

"A problem shared, is a problem halved "

They might not be able to do anything but listen, but at least they are there and know whats bothering you.

Having been a member of this site for many years, I've seen people come in here and basically throw their worries and troubles on a page for others to see.

Quite often they get the sympathies and experiance of others who are either going through the same thing or have done in the past, this alone can be a help to someone who feels alone with a problem that is making life difficult for them.

Where does political correctness fit in here?

[heartwood]

no, sorry. I will not explain myself. It does not fit well but it fits good enough that the right people will see it. I hope they get mad... thats all.

[LILJIM]

This reminds me of something I read YEARS ago. I feel bad my legs hurt- then I meet a guy with no legs. I feel bad my arms hurt- then I meet a guy with no arms. I feel bad my eyes hurt- then I meet a guy with no eyes. Teacher said "To look at life this way & you will see things can be worse." The judgement part= Dad had someone tell him "You should be ashamed ! Parking in the handicapped place. " Dad told them "I'll tell you what I'll change lungs with you for the walk-in; the walk shopping then the walk-out. Then I'll listen to what you have to say." (Dad had a "good day" that day he was able to leave his Oxygen tank in the car.) People can be cruel with things they cannot see.

[ItchyTasty]

Yeah like I got hidden disabilities and medical problems:

Aspergers Syndrome(a form a high functioning autism) and Dyspraxia are my hidden disabilties.

And also got IBS,asthma and epilepsy as hidden serious medical conditions, especially the last 2.

I get treated like shit because of them throughout my life. Strangely only got epilepsy since 2008, and it's mostly simple partial seizures(as I never go unconcious with it) and sometimes I get myclonic jerks of my upper body and head/neck also with it.

Because it's NOT the classic unconcious epilepsy where the person thrashes around on the ground. I've had ignorant arseholes call me a spastic when I get the jerks.

And I'm also scared to go out on my own now incase I get arrested by the police if I have a simple partial seizure. As I stare into space and may look intoxicated like I'm drunk or on drugs to someone alse.

Also it's not properly controlled yet, so I'm also shit scared to use flights of stairs or escalators on the tube(london underground transport), incase I fall and break my neck and/or back. So I only go on the tube with a friend at the moment and use the lift only. However if I had a seizure crossing the road on my own, it could be equally bad.

However I do ALWAYS get an aura(warning sign) that one is gonna come on. Extreme anxiety/panic attack/fear type feeling or voices and sounds start to appear like they are in a cave/tunnel and I either feel jittery or rigid all over.

I need to get a MEDICALERT braclet soon for added safety when out on my own (locally to home). Hopefully it will get more controlled eventually when I change onto different meds.

There's people worse off than me no doubt people with the classic epilepsy,blind,deaf and paralized people, people who are starving etc.

But doubt there are not much people like me, who have been severelly bullied, attacked,harassed,almosted killed,sexually harassed, assaulted,etc throught school and college and had to go to 13 different schools because of it.

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

Wow, I must say that this an area of this site, that I'm disappointed in. Instead of being supportitive, it feels like it has become a thread that has gotten judged & used almost as a "Woe is Me" Thread. disappointing & sad in my opinion. I was honestly hoping that Someone could relate, but I guess not.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2011!

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

Wow, I must say that this an area of this site, that I'm disappointed in. Instead of being supportitive, it feels like it has become a thread that has gotten judged & used almost as a "Woe is Me" Thread. disappointing & sad in my opinion. I was honestly hoping that Someone could relate, but I guess not.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2011!

Wow what do you want! People were trying to explain, it can always be worse. Be grateful for what you have. Then they were talking about their lives. I'm dissapointed that, you can't learn anything from this.

People were relating to you, in their own way. Don't know what you were looking for

[curiositykilledthecat]

*runs across thread naked* WHEEE!!!! Okay wat did I miss?

[Diapered Jason]

Wow, I must say that this an area of this site, that I'm disappointed in. Instead of being supportitive, it feels like it has become a thread that has gotten judged & used almost as a "Woe is Me" Thread. disappointing & sad in my opinion. I was honestly hoping that Someone could relate, but I guess not.

Rockies Fan. Go Rockies in 2011!

I'm confused. You say no one can relate with your situation yet you want some one to relate to your situation. You do see the hypocrisy of your last post.

Honestly, I laughed when I read the developments on this thread. I especially loved the little tid bit by curiositykilledthecat.

I'm sorry my friend, there is no such thing as a free lunch, therefore judgments will always be made, even when you try to explain why people are so judgmental. I just think people get a little carried away in judging a person. Rather then judge their real qualities, they judge their status, then draw conclusions on their qualities from their status. "Oh, he's poor, he must be a lazy and stupid." The next thought that may cross your mind is "if I was in his situation, I would be doing much better," when in reality that would not be the case. We have to be careful we don't do that. I judge people's qualities all the time, it is how I choose my friends and determine who I can trust. I never judge people by their race, gender, religion (except the ones that come knocking at my door despite my no solicitor sign. You know who you are.), sexual preference, fetishes, etc. which do not represent their qualities. Edit: No I am not perfect either.

[LilFozzyJ5]

Hiya Rockies,

I think you missed the message by a mile old bean. If you read the thread again there are a lot of people that do empathize with you, and they have shown it by adding their experiences of lack of tolerance and people being judgemental (but alas, no one actually said 'i empathize with you').

In every walk of life and in each circle we walk in you will always find the same characters... the jokers, the harsh critics, the political staters, the friendly ones, the ones that wish to convey to you to be happy with what you have, it could always be worse, in a forum made up of thousands of people, you would have to expect at least some of these people to answer any post you make, especially when starting a thread of your own.

Now I DO empathize with you and so do a lot of other people, some the silent majority. However I would be a liar if i didnt admit to you that there has been times in my life where i have judged someone, and harshly, only to find all my preconceptions were totally wrong. We all do it, its a part of human nature and a defence mechanism, the quick snap judgement allows you to work out if the person posses and threat to you, etc...

The big scary man in the supermarket... turns out to be a quietly spoken gentle giant and a good friend. the pretty twenty something who looks like they have decended upon earth from above, turns out to be a right peice of work... these are generalisations and not aimed at anyone one person, but hopefully get the point.

As to each person that says 'at least your alive' or 'it could be worse'. im 50/50 on this, some are well meaning and hope you will see the wisdom of their words and some just think you need to stop whinning, you sad loser, people are dying... which ever one is directed towards you, its the worst thing, for me to hear.

[self whinny bit] I have problems, mine are deep and unseen unless you know what outward signs to look for. I have had the: it could be worse, some have it worse, your lucky, speeches from many directions and i am fed up of hearing it. I know there is worse of people, i know there are people with missing limbs or dying of cancer or unable to leave the house or any number of things ranked worse than my troubles (i would love to find the bastard who writes these league tables) the bottom line is...they are not me... and i have reached the end of my particular threshhold of pain and suffering.

It doesnt make theirs any better or worse than mine, and it doesnt make mine any less or more important than theirs.

For instance, I was on mountain rescue for some years, There are scenes from that time that replay daily, cause me nightmares and are upsetting... there was at least 12 other blokes there at the time witnessing what I witnessed...why did it affect me so, why did it not affect them...to be honest it might do, I have never asked for fear of being judged by them or seen as a failure or somehow I had let the team down by my weakness. So i stay silent, and suffer alone not wanting to feel and fearing the judgment you so aptly describe at the beginning of the thread. I have their contact on my facebook, i even found my team leader on there last week, but i wont ever tell any of them...my fear of their contempt and rejection is partly due to past experiences from some of them, bullying and verbal attack. In the military 'banter' is expected, and you are expected to take it and give it, and within the military certain groups, are even more so.

Some of the people I have told this too have said...well at least you wernt at Lockerbie or 911... so bloody what, the incidents I did attend have left their scars, because it wasnt a big national disaster, does it make my suffering worth less? I am saddened by those events and truely feel for the people that were involved, if they feel half of what i am its a wonder they are still able to function. However I am also suffering and do not need to be reminded of others in the hope it will make me abandon my own personal hell.

Sorry a bit of a long post, its difficult to answer such enquires with single line answers.

cheers

Fozzy

[drynot]

*Runs across the thread diapered....WHEEEE* oh wait....thats kinda blase here

[curiositykilledthecat]

*slaps drynot with diaper* Tag you're it.

Rockies Fan- People don't like what they don't understand nor what they cannot control. Just remmeber most bigotry and hatred is out of ignorance and fear.

[tcc]

Um, people looking for support tend not to word things that look like bitching or "Oh, woe is me."

Maybe it's not in what you say, but how you say it. Or, is that, maybe it's not so much in how you say it, but what you say.

Actually, if one doesn't want others to be judgmental, then one would be best advised not to post anything at all. But, then, there's be no feedback, either.

So, you either appreciate the feedback, and make lemonade out of the lemons, or you just wallow in self-pity in silence, alone. Only you can decide what you prefer. Me, I'd rather take my chances getting flamed or slammed at the risk of picking up that one shred of idea or advice or shared experience that totally makes my day or turns my situation around or give me some valuable food for thought...

But, actually, that's just ME, and after all, I'm perfectly sane. I'm a 40+ year DL... LOL

Truthfully, I'm comfortable with who I am and how I am, and really don't care what other people think. I can't change what they think anyway, so who cares, and I don't let it bother me...