Bettypooh

There can never be a perfect relationship because there will always be something which is deeply disagreed on. But relationships can work as long as all parties are willing to invest the effort it takes to make that happen and everyone has the ability to "flex" far enough to achieve that. Which some people won't. It's not fair to demand of someone something they cannot give, and there are people who simply can't handle this. That is why the general advice is to get this out early in a relationship And nothing warms my heart more that hearing of people who've found acceptance in their partner But getting back to the subject, nothing breaks my heart more than to see someone's self and spirit being slowly killed by forcing them onto a path which isn't theirs Had I been anywhere near being an average boy, my early upbringing would have been nearly ideal, for I was given all the things that takes in quantity with quality.I was given freedom to and even encouraged to explore everything that involved. But the doors I needed to have opened were locked shut and no discussion of why was allowed. And certainly no approaches toward the locked doors was permitted. Not only did my parents and family not understand me, I couldn't even understand myself because of that repression. Had the thought of suicide entered my mind at 8-10 years old ever entered my mind I would have most certainly done it without hesitation Nobody believed or understood that all I wanted to do was try some girlish things just to see what it was like. Nobody believed or understood that I truly could not control my bladder. The means to help me with those things was there- they could have been done- but they simply weren't allowed or done.It was as if there were lines where love ended and hate began if you crossed them. And even at my tender age I could clearly see there was no valid reason for that nor could there be. Hate never helps. Trying to keep someone from being themselves never works. Refusing to even try to understand or help someone who loves you is as deep an evil as there can be Intentionally destroying someone's heart, spirit, and soul down to the core when they're doing nothing wrong is worse than a life sentence in prison- it makes that person's every day a living hell of unbelievable proportions. You cannot understand it unless you're lived through it. But you can and should at least try to understand and at least cease the hating no matter what else you feel inside. Every human is capable of doing that. I spent half of my life in ruins, despising myself and not understanding or wanting to be who I was. I spent every day fighting myself and trying to be someone or something who was at least capable of being loved and capable of feeling love. But there was no love here, there, or anywhere to be found. It was only when I stopped the fight and accepted myself that things began to get better. It was only when I decided that I was at least going to try to be myself no matter what anyone else thought that I became someone who could love and be loved, someone who could actually feel joy now and then, someone who has value, someone who has something special to give back to the few who tried to understand me and truly did love me through all those hate-filled years. Finally I was me and I knew who I was and I knew that there was nothing wrong with me at all. I set out to fight against those who repress, those who hate, those who refuse to tolerate others, and especially those who would want to repress someone and not allow them to be who they truly are. And in this I also started to do what I can to help others, especially those who like me have been forced into a living hell they neither want or deserve to have. Finally I can love and I'm going to do that and nobody is going to stop me from doing that Those efforts to control me and repress me have failed and I alone am going to decide what I want to do with what little I have left of my life. It's a shame that it took me so long to get here, so much has been wasted, but no more. At this point I'll probably remain alone in life because I'm so weird, but I can handle that. I'll never close that door because if there's one thing I've learned throught all this is that closed doors do not work, and those who would keep them closed do not deserve any love from me. Bettypooh

Plates here are normally a series of 3 letters and 3 numbers (or with the numbers first) so somewhere in this state there has to be 999 each of plates with "AB?" and "DL?" on them. And out of that 2000 there's bound to be some ABDL-aware people and maybe one of us too I can't remember the details but some months back I did see a vanity plate with 2 letters, a space, then 2 letters which was "?B" then "AB". Kind of obvious they were a couples initials and not anything to do with us I wouldn't mind a Plate with "DL" on it somewhere if it wasn't blatantly obvious in meaning and was something I could explain in a 'family-friendly' way but I'm not spending the money it costs. Bettypooh

It seems to be going well for you and that's a good thing. Do be diligent in upholding your end of agreements- to fail that only opens a door to problems easily avoided. It's good to hear that there was professionalism at your airports. My last round of flying here exposed the utter stupidity of our TSA personnel who couldn't understand what I meant when I said "I'm incontinent and I'm wearing protection" when there in my open laptop case was what was an easily seen plastic-backed Molicare under it. It was all I could do to resist saying "Are you really that f-ing stupid?" but somehow I managed to remain composed. Wishing you all the best and it seems you're on the right path to getting that! Bettypooh

And why should a person being their true self matter or be hard to do? Why should a male not be allowed to be a sissy, or a female not be allowed to be masculine if that's truly who they are? Ditto for AB's. In fact, you can't justify the allowance for one without allowing for all. The only wrongful trait in anyone is in those who wish to do some kind of harm to others or to control them against their will. Anything else which is inherent in someone should not only be allowed but encouraged to develop. I have only to look at myself and my own life to understand what it does to a person who is not allowed to develop into who they really are. Had I been allowed to be myself I would have had a far better and happier life with nobody coming to harm for that. And I'd not be finding myself having went through this life basically all alone without the chance for a soulmate. It is wrong that I've had to suffer the unnecessary perpetual heartaches I've been forced to endure because of people who cannot see that in their own way they are just the same as I am, only that there are a lot more of people nearly like them than there are nearly like me. I wished only that I be given a chance to be myself and to show that I'm a good person who cares about others, and at every turn in life I was denied not because those are bad things to want, but because somehow I am wrong for being me. Indeed you should be troubled by the story and deeply so, and so should everyone. It's telling you something when you feel troubled, and only you can change that something. Bettypooh

Very well put. What I see in a lot of today's social and political movements has probably always pervaded them, and that is deceit. There's a public face and a more hard-line private face all around. Everyone sees somebody as an enemy, then twists their thinking to place undue blame on them to justify their own extreme positions. Nobody wants to believe that they to are part of the cause of the problems we have now because that would mean they would have to change and they don't want to do that. Nobody wants to stand up and say "Enough!" to the structure we've created that is going to end up killing us all. Nobody wants to admit that we're collectively being stupid in not learning from the past as we try the same failed paths over and over expecting a different outcome this time 'round. Humans are doomed unless we change our ways- of that I am certain. Because unlike with the last global conflict, we're starting out with the means to destroy everything and that ability has reached to people who refuse to change their wrongful ways and traditions. Including the US. If we somehow manage to not nuke ourselves into oblivion we're going to destroy ourselves through our refusal to end all forms of hatred and prejudice in everything it exists in. An old friend told me that if he had the ability, he would destroy all humanity including himself and leave this planet to the rest of nature to enjoy as the best means of saving the Earth and creating goodness. The longer I live the more I'm inclined to think he was right about that. It's not something I could do but if it were to happen I'd see no injustice or wrong in it. That's a pretty sad statement of ourselves when it doesn't have to be that way isn't it? Bettypooh

Its an interesting concept with a special potential- it could become a "standard" when the next world-wide depression and banking upheaval comes along. In that scenario ONLY something beyond political influence can hold a firm value. I think that as an E-currency it will dominate the others simply because it's better established. But a an investment, well risky isn't a strong enough word except for those who got in early while it was cheap. Bettypooh

Rebel Rebel

Missed this one- it's indeed a loss to us. There are many who use unscientific methods to research then make claims they shouldn't. And many operate under a thinly disguised veil of propriety and push their views (which they claim are unbiased) onto others using their so-called "data". I think that in time there will be more research done at higher levels on being ABDL, even if that happens only because most other subjects have been fully delved into and exhausted for content. Bettypooh

Bedpads tend to be minimally absorbent. They're meant to be used as secondary protection and for those whose limited mobility might not allow them to get out of bed before they begin leaking. They do OK for that and as chair protectors too if they're positioned correctly. Bettypooh

Well maybe if you count his responses to himself, and consider the many times he responded individually to multiple posts I did notice that some of our longer-time members who responded early faded away, and many replies were from newer members who perhaps hadn't noticed how prolific he was. Haven't seen one quite like this before and TBH I hope I don't in the future either Bettypooh

If someone else will not respect your property enough to protect it then you cause that to happen yourself, and if they don't like your terms and conditions then they're not welcome. Only once have I leaked while visiting someone else's home and I was lucky that was while sitting on a vinyl-upholstered barstool.The moment I realized what was going on I invented an excuse to leave and manipulated myself to where my friends didn't see my backside. My pants took the hit, their barstool was dry because of that or at least as dry as it could be; no visible wetness. Perhaps they knew or now know of my wearing but there's been no indication of that. Bettypooh

Whatever else, you don't want leaks in the sleeping bag. If it's cold the wetness makes the insulation useless and you'll freeze your butt off the next night. In the heat the urine odor will grow quite strong, and if you leave the bag in the tent it and everything else in there will stink to high heaven. At campsites a lot of folks air their bag out in the morning by hanging it up but that might reveal any wet spots visibly As to hiding supplies and disposal of used diapers you'll have to work that out on your own as what type of camping and activities you're doing will determine what is available for options. Just don't be an ass and leave your used diapers out there. Gallon-sized ziploc bags are great for keeping odors down in disposal and are an absolute must if you've got to pack your used diapers out of there. Storing your fresh diapers in them will also protect those from getting wet in the rain. Campgrounds sometimes have showers and bathrooms with privacy stalls, but the usual is often open to view somewhat. Most people change clothes in their tent- takes a bit of practice. On trails you can just announce to 'neighbors' you're stepping into the woods a bit to change clothes (or to relieve yourself) and folks will honor your privacy needs. Don't go so far as to get lost- that happens more than you'd imagine Of all the activities affected by wearing diapers, camping and hiking are probably the toughest to manage well, and I have no clue what long hikers do what with having to carry several day's worth of supplies versus one or two changes. Never been out on the trail more than a couple days myself and almost all of that was before I began wearing. The wet bag issues I learned about because I would often get drunk when camping back then and wet in my sleep. Wish my body and health were better as I'd like to do some hiking again but I'm afraid those days are all behind me now Bettypooh

One of the tricks to avoid leaking with cloth diapers is to have the leg elastic of your plastic panties as high as it will go, letting your diaper stay in the 'pocket' this creates. Cloth diapers absorb more slowly so there will be liquid puddled there until they can do their job. Elsewhere tuck the cover over the diaper to create similar 'pocket' I don't find that necessary at the waist if my plastic panties go high enough, but that varies from person to person. Me being a side-sleeper mostly probably affects that The only PUL I've used were Salk Sani-pants and they neither fit well or lasted more than a few wearings before they began leaking through the fabric. Also I've only used pins and as already noted they need some space to move or they can pop open and it's not nice being stabbed down there or having your plastic panties ruined by that. You'll have to experiment to find how much diaper you need so best to plan for leaks with bed protection til you figure that out Bettypooh

The advice given here from experienced users (and it's very good advice!) is to start with caths until you gain enough experience to be able to know what to do with using or designing a stent and now well what can go wrong with it. Do remember there is no one "perfect" design for everyone, just ones which work well for the one using it. Sizes, bends, and spacings will be different for each individual Bettypooh

Well I won't go into all the "gory" details, but he'd been under scrutiny for some time now by all the Mods. Because there was a chance he really was crying out for help we let him continue. But finally he got on a Mods last nerve and it's over. My apologies if you found him irritating- I think we all did. But there's no rule against that and we do try to give folks every chance we can because that's the right thing to do. Bettypooh

I can't add much to what has already been said, but I would like to emphasize that like learning anything else, you are going to make mistakes and you must be prepared for them. That makes how you learn important. You should do all your testing at home or where leakage or failure isn't a huge problem. You should also home-test one or two diapers from every new batch to be certain there are no hidden flaws like pinholes. Only tested diapers go past your front door and remember to emulate the movements you'll make outside of home in testing as that matters. This gives you the best chance of avoiding public problems. Also expect to run through every possible feeling and emotion in the early stages, especially worry and fear. Time will help you work your way through those but initially it will pre-occupy you to an unbelievable degree. You're going to be in the bathroom more than ever before because you'll think you're leaking when you're not but you'll have to go check anyway before you learn to be confident in your diaper's abilities. You're also going to find your mind running wild with "OMG- did they see/hear/figure out that I'm wearing diapers?" and that's going to show far more than your diapers will unless you learn to control it. No matter what your mind tells you, focus on not believing it until someone most positively and with no possible doubt discovers you're diapered. Know that this is going to happen someday but also know that almost nobody would ever say one word about it unless you say something first. Really, discovery is not going to be a problem unless you make it into one because everyone will presume you're wearing for incontinence and of course that's something hardly anyone wants to talk about. Probably the biggest issue you'll ever have is with intimate relationships and this can be a huge problem there. Many people will not be able to deal with it and after wearing and using diapers over an extended time it's highly unlikely that you will ever be ale to stop needing them. So unless you're wiling to carry this baggage forever into every part of your life just keep things recreational instead. But if you happen to be one of us who truly needs this, then you'll soon figure that out and the sooner you get your life working around being in diapers, the better life will be for you. Bettypooh

If real it's not going to go anywhere. First is the question of legality of such a decision along with a probable tendency of the Supreme Court to more tightly restrict Federal agencies from defining things outside of legal definitions and limitations. Those cases have already noted that unless it's patently offensive or hateful, the Government cannot restrict your clothing choices, and this is by definition clothing. Second is that we'd now open the door to require the same for cucumbers, belts, broomsticks, whipped cream, or every other object which could be used as a "sex toy" when that wan't the original intention of the producer. Third is actual enforcement which is an impossibility to achieve. Doesn't surprise me that some idiot would propose such a thing- the world is chock-full of those kinds of people Bettypooh

There's no loss of anything really. Instead of a thrill I now have a sense of security in my wearing, and a very deep satisfaction in knowing that I am doing what I want to with almost no restrictions. Sort of a dream being fulfilled over and over again every day At my age simply waking up without being in pain is about all the thrill I can stand anymore anyway Bettypooh

I'm not worried about my diapers or my female clothing, but explaining my LG things would be a bit more difficult. I've managed through everything in life so far so I'd find a way to manage that too should it ever happen Bettypooh

We all explore different things to see if we like them, or to see if they will be like what we expect. Clothing can evoke feelings and vice-versa but it doesn't always happen. I wore panties daily for years before coming to accept my TG and DL sides.There were two reasons for that. One was that I discovered that when I wore panties I stopped having 'accidents' which were caused by my OAB/SI/UI (which I also didn't understand then). Knowing that those very thin panties would not absorb even small leakage forced me into gaining control over my misbehaving bladder. And their tightness was far more comfortable to me while most males are the exact opposite. There weren't a lot of underwear options back in those days. In time as I discovered the internet and made contact with other cross-dressers I did find that like myself, some other folks wearing panties actually enhanced some of the"manly" feelings and tendencies. You know you're being bold, and you know that you've got a secret to protect which tends to make you want to keep others at a distance from your feelings. Though most guys see most girls as being typically "feminine" there are many girls who are clearly different. I've always been attracted to strong women and "tomboys", and back then I was something like that inside myself, but I didn't share those feelings with anyone. Time brought changes and realizations to me, and in the end I discovered much of what makes me who I am inside. Even in my "manly" days I loved and wanted to wear pretty and frilly things, but that couldn't work with my real life so I kept that part of me in the closet. Eventually the girl inside of me demanded that the closet door be opened, partly as a way for me to have more of the "pretty and frilly" in my life since I needed that. I discovered in time that the real "me" was indeed a girl and I went as far as I could to live that life. It was the best time in mt life to be sure, but outside circumstances brought that to a dead end, and without being able to take the last step forward I ended up stepping back, not quite into a manly life, but enough so that the world sees me that way. It's a charade I can play well because of so many years of me practicing it. It's simply easier for me to live like this, and since I can I do.The girl in me re-emerges at times and I give her the space she needs so she doesn't overwhelm my mind like she once did. Once "she" gets what she wants she goes back into the closet. Like most girls she still likes pretty and frilly and elegant, but she's a bit of a tomboy too and I like that too. Maybe you can identify with some of this. In the end it's about you, what you like, how well you accept that, and how you make space in your life to be yourself as much as you need to be. Experiment to find your bliss- you don't need the reasons and associations others may have to enjoy something. Just do it for the reasons you want to do it for and find your happiness wherever it's at. You don't have to feel "feminine" to wear panties; they're just an underwear choice after all, same as our diapers are. Take the good from whatever you decide to wear and enjoy your life your own way, for it is all too soon over. Bettypooh

I've worn AB diapers to work a few times, also AB print plastic panties. I kind of did it for the thrill but found there wasn't much thrill in it for me. Back then I was renovating rental houses and was usually the only person there. Once another worker showed up for half a day and we crossed paths several times, and on another occasion the boss showed up to do a few things. I spent several years in that job off-and-on, and wore Tena Slip Maxi or Molicares, both plastic-backed, every day for most of that time. Eventually they both became aware of me being in diapers but nothing was said. I still run into these people at times with no comments made ever. There's only so far you can take a "thrill factor" without being blatant and in time anything I dare to wear out in the real world has become almost boring due to me being 24/7. In most jobs or school scenarios I think there's only personal embarrassment at risk, but that should be a consideration if your being AB could adversely affect your position.FWIW we're adults living in an adult world where there are expectations placed on us; it's best to keep your daily life ahead of diapers then enjoy your play-time when it's more appropriate. Lots of things can be lots of fun until something goes wrong and you don't want that to ruin your life or career But if you want to be bold then do so as long as you understand what you're doing- it's your life, not mine Bettypooh

Diamond Dogs

Time and experience will ease your worries about your protection going unnoticed by almost everyone. Darn few people pay that much attention to your shape and appearance, and even then with good choices in clothing it will still be indistinguishable. When I make a full effort at discretion nobody knows, but I don't often do that as it doesn't bother me much. Even with my "relaxed" approach darn few people have noticed and in 5+ years nobody has said one word, including several who positively knew. And there's alternatives in catheters and bags which may work well for you. If you try not to let this become a negative thing then it will rarely be that. It's just something you had no choice in and it could happen to anyone. It needn't define or limit you unless you allow that to happen. It can be successfully managed with nobody the wiser if you do that well, and we're here to help with the management part. Bettypooh

At this point it would be good to get a specialist involved, but know ahead of time that most often there's not much they can do for you. It's worth trying because you might be the lucky one. Get your Doctor to recommend a Urologist to you and after they're done you'll at least know more of what to expect in the future. Incontinence doesn't need to inhibit your lifestyle, but it does require good management. Folks here can help you with that part but you need to know where you stand Medically as incontinence can sometimes be caused by serious conditions you don't want to be ignoring or missing. Bettypooh

Most of my cravings are for snack foods, and since I keep none here I often resist them. Not always though I do sometimes get a craving for breakfast cereal, which I stopped eating when I was about 20. As a kid I loved milk- I could drink a half gallon of it in minutes I just kind of lost the taste for it after that. Yet once or twice a year I'd crave cereal, so I'd get a box and some milk and have a couple bowls- the leftovers went bad and got thrown out. Around 50 I finally realized that I craved cereal only when I wasn't getting enough dairy products in my diet- if I ate ate a lot of cheese or had something with a lot of milk cooked into it the craving would go away Now if only I could figure out what craving gummy bears is all about... but maybe I don't want to know as it might spoil the fun Bettypooh