There are other groups that are far more active and supportive for those of us with genuine incontinence. PM me and I'll pass along the info.
I get the frustrations. I was in my mid 30s when this first began for me, and it turned into a real problem another 10 years after that. Now I'm in my late 50's and I've finally come to terms with this. I live in a small town (under 1000), so I order all my supplies off the internet for privacy's sake. Besides the issues of low quality, I cannot let any of my neighbors see me buying diapers at the grocery store or drug store. I travel a lot for work, often internationally and I have learned how to deal with airport security and being incon. Fortunately, my issues are all urinary, so I look at it like "it could be worse".
Learn what works for you- diapers, pads, whatever. Once you learn, just stick with it. Don't go out without that. It is your security so stick with it. At the same time, experiment with your clothing- learn how to hide the bulge. Adapt by carrying a bigger purse, messenger bag, or napsack for a few extra diapers and wipes. Wear darker pants or jeans. Choose long bulky sweaters in the winter.