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Chapter 89: Injected BETH TRIED NOT to scream! Nikki looked completely unabashed as she said, “No, this is a bit more discrete, see,” she held up a thin gold chain bracelet with a few pink sapphire stones spread out about it in small circular settings. This just looks like jewelry. It is similar to the tech they use with Littles, as no one else can remove it, but it’s designed for people like me to give to protectees.” She found herself speechless then; her mouth opened but then shut. Nikki held up a hand, “Look, I know you’re not a Little, and I know without a doubt something like this has to be embarrassing and makes you feel all sorts of other emotions? That being said, I care about your safety! If something happens to you if I’m not there, or if we’re separated, no one can remove this without cutting off body parts.” Beth felt sick to her stomach then, “Why…?” Her mom stepped in then, “Beth, as soon as I found out that the problem girl, Kelly, was related to my former assistant, I had a really bad feeling about things. When you mentioned her before, we paid a private investigation firm to do a background check. Still, none of her actual parentage came up. Only once we had the information could we dig deeper and figure out how we missed it.” Her mom sighed, “Look, I love you to death, Beth, and I have no desire to have you mixed up with anyone trying to get payback against your dad or me. When I turned against my mother, a lot of people went to prison… Unfortunately, many of them were really well connected, Beth. Some didn’t get prison sentences as harsh and have been out for a few years. Too many of those have resources to back up someone like Kelly.” “Look, Beth, I know this isn’t going to be a reality you want to face, but between that information and what I found about your boyfriend’s family’s enemies – you both may be targets.” “Why?” Beth cried, “I just want to go to school this time! And Mom, Connor isn’t just some boy; I really, really like him!” Her mom moved closer and hugged her to her side, “I know you do, and I’m completely on your side! I just want to know you’re safe!” After a while longer in the hug, she managed to wipe the tears, “So, I guess ankle…? What are these other rules?” she asked as calmly as she could. Nikki bent down briefly before answering and used a device to attach what otherwise would have looked like a simple bracelet. “Well, they really are simple. If I tell you to get down, you get down. If I tell you to run, you run. You don’t, under any circumstances, go anywhere outside your dorm suite without telling me first! I will escort you to Amanda’s anytime you go there, and I may or may not stay there or come back here while you’re there for a weekend.” “Why are you not as worried there?” “If someone tries to attack you at her house, she’s got it in hand…” Nikki shook her head. “Between her automated defenses – and those alone are insane – and Amanda herself, the only place that might be safer would be the President’s house.” “Really?” Beth asked, a little shocked by a statement like that. “They had a couple break-ins when Connor’s mom was here. Well, Bella, his aunt, was kidnapped at one point by them. After that, she reinforced that house to the point where I wouldn’t attack it with an elite special forces unit without bombing the hell out of it first!” Beth smiled at that, “That does sound like Amanda!” The three talked for another hour before she was sent to change into her pajamas, and her mom insisted on tucking her in. “I love you, Mom,” she said as her mother moved towards the separate room’s lights. “Love you too, sweetie! Night-night!” It was incredibly easy to fall asleep that night; just knowing her mom had flown there immediately to see that she was safe made her feel a whole lot safer and loved! GRANDMA WAS CARRYING me up the stairs at her house before I realized I passed out in the car. “Where…?” I started to ask, then realized what was going on. “How long was I asleep?” I asked her as she carried me like a baby in her arms. She smiled, “Pretty much from the moment I put you in your car seat?” She lightly bounced me, “I’m guessing the week has just been a bit much for you? It’s been a rough one, if you think about everything?” I nodded, “yeah, I’m pretty worn out.” She sat me on the floor and passed me my bags from her other shoulder. “Here, why don’t you brush your teeth, get your jammies on, and call it a night?” I looked at the clock, realized it was about an hour later than I’d been up the night before, and nodded, “Yeah, I could use the sleep. It’s going to be a long day with the filming tomorrow.” “Do you need a night diaper, or are you fine with the Pull-Up?” Grandma asked me. “I haven’t had any accidents this week at all?” I told her. “I should be fine?” “Well, if not, the bed has a waterproof covering for the mattress.” I blushed but didn’t say anything else and let her tuck me into bed that night. I was back asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow! Sadly, it felt like no time before Grandma had me up and let me know, for time’s sake, that I’d have to skip my swim that morning. “Sorry, Connor, since they want you there by eight, we need to get going!” I grumbled a little but accepted the lost day of swimming as she buckled me in the car seat. “Here’s some water,” she said, handing me a water bottle as she finished buckling me in. “You probably need some before the day gets going!” Of course, we had breakfast, and I even had my coffee, but we were driving long enough that I took advantage of the water bottle. I had a hard time, though, not spilling it due to how the seat reclined! Overall, the car seat was comfortable, but it was still weird to essentially lie on my back, going backward the whole trip! Grandma walked me to Matisse and the studio before saying, “I’ll see you this afternoon or evening when you’re done for the day. If something comes up, please give me a call!” With a hug, she left to connect with Amanda and Beth. I found myself walking into the wardrobe room where I saw Gary, Charlotte, and Sebastian, along with an older woman who I assumed was here to help with the transformation into ‘Brianna.’ “Morning,” I told them. “Hi, Connor,” Charlotte smiled. “Connor, this is Professor Ponce,” Gary introduced me. “She’s from the theater department and is our expert on costume and makeup.” “Nice to meet you,” I said, looking up at the taller giant. I guessed she was near fifty and probably about ten-and-a-half feet tall. She had a short pixie-style haircut, and her hair itself was dyed a swirl of turquoise blue and purple. ‘Very typical!’ I thought to myself! “Likewise, Connor! Your grandmother is quite a hero to me with her nanite research.” I blushed at that, “I guess I should have had her come in.” “So, are we just going to get started?” I asked. Charlotte sighed, “We figured out we have a small continuity issue if we just do it now. We’ll need to do it later in the morning, and we decided that we’ll actually film the change.” “Huh?” I said. “Remember our script supervisor isn’t here anymore?” Sebastian said. “We missed the courthouse scene and then the doctor’s visit to do the transition. The rest of the crew we need to film those scenes should be here shortly, though. We figured it out just as we were shutting down last night.” I nodded, “Is that the only spot we missed?” “We think so. We both read through everything on our schedule again last night and this morning to be sure,” Charlotte replied. “Fun…” I said. Seeing everyone straggle in that morning as early as we needed them to was impressive. I know I usually would still be asleep back home at the equivalent time of about six in the morning! After a quick bathroom break, Gary helped me dress into the costume Sarah changed me into, leaving the apartment to the Courthouse. Isabella ensured my hair matched the reference photos we’d taken before. Beth arrived just after I’d dressed and was recruited to help comb through the script to ensure there weren’t any other missed scenes before the transformation occurred. It wasn’t a one-way trip, but they didn’t want to undo it until we finished filming the next day. To use the treatment, our group was being charged $700k of our fake budget money for each round-trip use! Soon, we were set up to film and began with Charlotte pulling me from the car at the Courthouse and carrying me on her hip inside. We ran a couple of takes for coverage. Then we found ourselves in a conference room with our Holo lawyers showing me the contract. I signed the document after using the pencil to point out the important details on the contract. Someone had drafted a realistic-looking document. I was also grateful that the fine print stated, ‘This is not a real contract’ in multiple spots! ‘Last thing I want to do is give myself away for adoption for real!’ The contract’s significant points of the one-year term, no hypnosis, no baby food, and no permanent mutilation per the Little Protection Act of 2032, were all marked and filmed up close. There was no dialogue to film, so it all went rather quickly! BY THE TIME Beth’s alarm woke her up, she’d gotten a better night’s sleep than she had since returning to school that week. Knowing her mother was down the hallway had been very calming, and she had to admit she was glad she’d come. After a hug goodbye to her mom at Amanda’s car, Nikki and Beth walked to the studio and found everything already going crazy. Besides briefly introducing Nikki, she mostly stayed out of the way, observing things. In the meantime, Beth had been wrangled into picking up the pieces from Kelly and was glad the group had caught the major mistake before the morning! Everyone was set up for the Courtroom Scene, and Beth watched as Connor stood on the chair beside Charlotte for the scene. Jackson had passed his job with sound recording off Owen so he could act the judge’s role. With the makeup and costume, he looked like he was in his late thirties and old enough to be the judge in the courtroom. “Mister Bristley, I see we have a request for you to be adopted by Miss Ingels here. This is by your own free will?” Jackson had a deep voice that resounded through the room and sounded authoritative. “Yes, Your Honor,” Connor said, and she couldn’t help but her nerves crackle at the scene of the fake adoption. “You’re not being forced or coerced, Mister Bristley? It’s important we know no one has threatened you into this agreement?” Connor managed to look nervous through this and seemed to reluctantly sigh and said, “No, your honor. I am choosing this of my own free will.” “You are certain this is what you want? I see this is set up only as a trial period of one year, Miss Ingels? That’s highly unusual? Should you both wish to extend the agreement, the agreement will force you to return before me?” Charlotte pulled every ounce of charisma and came across as an incredibly collected businesswoman who wanted this agreement, “Yes, your honor. We’re looking at a symbiotic, mutually beneficial adoption here, but not to lock it in forever.” Jackson’s deep voice resonated then, “Very well!” He shuffled something on the desk, “If both parties will please rise! Since both parties are without objection, I decree that Mister Brian Bristley is no longer an adult in the eyes of the court. He is given over to the custody of Miss Ingels per the agreement before the court. The new name on the adoption certificate shall read Brianna Marie Ingels. Brianna Marie Ingels’s gender shall be listed as female from this date forth. Congratulations to the new family!” He used his gavel then, and Beth couldn’t help but feel her heart stop at the sound. “Mommy, you may now take your baby girl to the clerk, and they will insert her chip and provide you with the adoption certificate.” The sound in the courtroom picked up a little as they’d programmed a little chatter into the few HoloCharacters. “Chip?” Connor said with genuine nervousness. Charlotte gently pushed a purple pacifier inside her character’s new baby, “Shhh... We’ll talk about it later.” Connor managed some mumbled pacifier talk before Charlotte walked out the door. “Cut!” Beth heard. “I want to do that again,” Charlotte said. “Why? Seemed great from what I saw?” Will asked. “It just didn’t feel right,” Charlotte said, “Connor, we need you to be a bit more nervous, I think, on this. Instead of having him on the chair, let’s have you sit on the table in front of me so I can play with your hair and outfit when we’re not speaking?” She looked down at me briefly, “And I want to clip the pacifier to your outfit this time, too. At some point, you should grab it and hold it in your hand, maybe squeeze it like you’re scared and sure you’re making a mistake?” Connor nodded. “If we’re doing it again, I want a little different coverage…” Will made his own adjustments then with the camera crew. They did three more takes of what Beth had figured would be one of the easiest takes. Charlotte felt like it was one of the most important scenes, though. Ultimately, it was a much better product from what she could see, but they’d spent an entire hour on just a tiny portion of the project! I HAD BEEN surprised that Charlotte had been so picky on the courtroom scene, but I was impressed by her use of her gut feelings. We’d shot the scene in the adoption clerk’s room next. Without dialogue, it moved quickly, even as my diaper was pulled back and a fake injector was used on the top of my butt to be ‘chipped.’ During the process, I learned that those had only improved in technology since Mom had been there. They were not only just about impossible to remove, but they also inserted a marker into the recipient’s DNA that could be checked even if someone managed to rip theirs out. Testing DNA for those markers was now standard as a part of the adoption process, “Isn’t that playing with fire?” I couldn’t help but ask. I’d been laughed at by Ava at that and assured it was ‘quite safe.’ There was also now a locating system that was essentially fool-proof at finding a Little with a chip. I was just grateful I hadn’t received a chip! There was a montage of a trip from the Courthouse to the doctor’s office shot, and before I knew it, we were in the middle of recording the doctor’s office scene. Gary was playing the doctor, and while he was more comfortable dealing with costumes, his time taking acting classes was evident to me. We had just filmed Charlotte being led out of the room, and he came to sit back on a stool facing me on the table, “Now Brianna, I know Bigs can be pretty aggressive. If you tell me your mommy is forcing you to get this treatment, I’m bound by my oath to protect you. She’ll never be allowed to hurt you again in that case, and we can get your freedom back today. So, please tell me the truth, are you really okay with this procedure? It is permanent?” I found myself speaking the line that had really resonated with me when I read the horrible script, “Yes sir, it’s been my life’s dream to be a girl for real. It’s the one positive I’m getting out of a deal to try and help Sarah get her daughter potty trained.” Gary looked at the tablet he held, “Hmm... I guess that makes some of these other things make more sense, too, then…” We had shot this once, but it wasn’t quite right, so on this third take, I tried to see the screen, “Other things?” Gary smiled, “These are surprises you’ll like, so I’ll let you mommy tell you about them. Speaking of Mommy, I’m sure she’s really worried right now, I’m going to go get her.” Gary walked to the door to open it, letting Charlotte back inside. We finished the dialogue of the scene to set up the procedure, including my supposed anesthesia to put me to sleep. Then I heard, “Cut!!!!” “How was all of that?” Charlotte asked. “Good,” Will said. “I think so too,” Sebastian said from the empty wall across from us, filled with the camera crew. “We should be good to go onto this next spot. Doctor Ponce, are we ready to go with that?” The professor appeared with a small miniature briefcase and a tablet, “All good to go. Gary, all you have to do is press this right here to Connor’s upper thigh.” “Will this hurt?” I asked her. “It’ll be no worse than a normal shot?” She told me. “And unlike for Brian, this isn’t permanent, right?” Charlotte asked. “Correct, this will change Connor’s appearance and gender to being a girl, but all we have to do is link into the nanites programming, and they will reverse the change. This is actually an advancement his grandmother pioneered about thirteen years ago that we’ve frequently used in theater in both directions to use the actors and actresses we want.” “You’re okay with this, Connor?” Sebastian asked. I nodded, “Let’s go ahead and do this.” “Before we do so, would you mind signing this?” the professor asked. I noted it was a release form and wasn’t shocked she would have one required. The little briefcase was opened up, and Ponce and Gary spent some time together before saying, “Should be good to go.” “Will, go with extra camera coverage on this - we’ll only have one shot at this?” “Done already, Sebastian.” “Let’s do this then!” I was placed back on the table again, and after we began filming, I forced myself to not react when Gary’s cold hands moved the hospital gown out of the way to reach the site. They’d already strapped me down like I was going to have surgery, so I wasn’t able to even think about moving. I had my eyes closed as the injector pierced my skin and was pulled free. For a moment, I felt nothing. Then I felt a jolt, and every inch of my skin convulsed as if I was being shocked by electricity! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading! Please press the 'Like' button and leave me a comment! This weekend is a little extended, so I'm hoping to have some extra writing time today and tomorrow. If I can get three chapters written, and if I see enough likes, I'll post a second bonus chapter this week and let you out of this shocking cliffhanger. 😈 Thanks again for reading my works! Please consider purchasing a copy of my completed works from Amazon if you enjoy them! Having a small source of extra income there helps me keep the spare time to write for you all! https://www.amazon.com/author/babysofia

Heyo! I've tried writing DD stories before, but this is the first one where I have it entirely planned out. I hope you enjoy it, I will try to release chapters at least weekly, but I find it hard to follow a schedule so we will see. Hope you enjoy! Comments are appreciated! The Song Im boppin to today Chapter 1 Waking up is menial, an action that nobody thinks about yet can set the course for the entire day. Today would have been just another day, but at least I had a little hope things might get better. The butterflies seemed to flutter viciously this morning, not aiding in the fact that I should be getting out of bed right now. The stress, albeit strenuous, should not stop someone from getting out of bed, but in this instance it was. Jackson knew that he needed to get up, he knew that he had a place to be, but the unknown was so unbearable. He clutched his covers with his hands in an attempt to regain control over his senses, and it was working slightly. He moved his toes, feeling his nerves start to come back to life. This amount of stress could kill an elephant, but somehow he was still alive. Not wanting to bask in the moment any longer, Jackson pushed the covers off, revealing his naked state in only his underpants. It wasn't cold, but Jackson rubbed his skin and felt goosebumps develop all over. ‘This is going to be a long day’ Jackson thought, or at least attempted to tell himself so that he could try and push himself further out of bed. No birds chirped this morning, the sky was gray and the grass was too wet. Walking out to his car Jackson felt surprisingly normal, this being what he would do every morning before work. Though he wasn't going to work this morning, he was going to Diamond Technologies Relocation Services. Most people didn't know the facility under this name, but Jackson is a rare case because he sought out this service, unlike most people having the misfortune of knowing it. It was in an online ABDL forum he reads occasionally, hearing murmurs about a way to live life completely like a child. At first, he laughed at the idea thinking that it was just some strange sort of roleplay, but looking further after hearing just the amount of people who have done this, he knew he had to do more research. The gray skies didn't clear up at all on Jackson's hour-long drive to the compound. He lived right outside the city, only barely being able to afford it, but still making by with little money to spare. According to what he read online, he was paid to go to this place. He felt it was strange, mostly due to how hard it was to find a caregiver. ‘Why would anyone want to pay to take care of you?’ Jackson thought. To his surprise though, the email he received back the other day confirmed it was indeed true. Anybody with half a brain wouldn't do this though, knowing they would probably get kidnapped or something worse. However, when Jackson checked online for the company records and reviews, everything seemed to be completely well above board. * * * * * * * * The warm inviting interior was a nice change to the overwise discomforting morning. Various exotic plants, all of which I was sure have weird names, lined the waiting room. The skylight helped to give a pleasant vibe, it was hard to feel bad in a place like this. None of that stopped me from stimming, shaking my legs, and biting my nails. The unknown tends to do that. Lost in my thoughts, a door suddenly opened. “Jackson?” a middle-aged woman called out. She was wearing pleasant workplace attire adorned with subtle flowers and light pastels. I got up and walked towards her as she started to lead the way through the door. Sitting down in her office was similar to the waiting room, but her gentle and calming demeanor helped my nerves. “How are you doing today?” she asked plainly. I meekly responded, “I'm alright.” She seemed to notice my nervousness because her attitude shifted slightly to take on more paternal notes. “This is always the hardest part” she smiled “Do you have a nickname?”. Feeling more courage, I responded. “Jackie Mamm.” She chuckled slightly before readjusting her seat. “You can call me Lisa Jackie.” The way she said my nickname made me blush. “You have nothing to worry about, do you know what we offer here?”. I decided to be honest, “I heard about this place from some online forums.” Her smile shifted slightly, “What forums?”. I shifted nervously and blushed harder as Lisa seemed to take notice. “That's okay, I'm assuming it was an ABDL forum?”. Her question irked me, and I went non-verbal, trying my best to stay on the surface. It was bad enough that my nerves were this shot, but somebody knowing my secret made me uncomfortable on many levels. “S..Sorry…” I whispered. She seemed to notice my discomfort because she stood up and made her way to the chair next to me. She put her hands on my back and began to soothe me. “Shhhhh…” she whispered, “It's okay hun… you're in the right place, sweetie.” Her sweet words sent butterflies ablaze in my stomach and I began breathing heavily as my heart tempted to beat harder. “It's okay little one, no need to be scared.” she rubbed my back more. “...It's okay?”. The comforting lady took her hands and hugged them tightly around me. I sat there for at least a minute before I felt her pressure let up and her hands snake out from around me. “Are you ready to continue?” She asked me. I only nodded meekly in response, and her smile beamed down at me as she stood up, walked back to her desk, and sat down. She turned to her computer before typing some things, then stopped to look back at me. “I think you're perfect for this program, we can start looking for caregivers right now.” she stated. I still had a ton of questions, and she seemed to notice my look of confusion as well. “It's alright sweetie. We have a ton of options, and you can choose whoever you want.” I could only quietly blurt out “What if they don't want me?”. She seemed to be stunned by that question, her face showing the same confusion I showed. Then all of a sudden, she started cracking up. “I don't think any of our caregivers would say no to you hun!” She caught her breath and I blushed a little at the sideways compliment. “Do you want to see?” She asked me. I nodded and she took out an iPad from her desk. She turned it on, before tapping on it and handing it to me. I wasn't sure what it was, but this tablet was the thinnest tablet I've ever seen, almost paper thin. I felt as if I might break it, so I acted extra carefully. I pressed on it a little, then looked up at Lisa to see if I was doing anything wrong with the device. She only smiled affectionately and motioned for me to continue. As I scrolled I could only guess that there were at least 100 different pairs of people, though some of them only included one person. “There are couples here?” I asked andLisa only nodded, “We have a ton of people looking for little boys like you.” I blushed a little, confused at why someone would want me. It was so hard to find a caregiver, but now all these people wanted me? It felt… nice, nice to be wanted like this. I blushed a little before I continued scrolling, overwhelmed by the amount of options. Lisa seemed to notice my confusion because she pointed out something on the tablet, letting me know I could filter traits. I looked at the amount of options and was surprised by how many there were. I checked it off as I went down. ←– Least * * * * Most ––> Affection Level Non-Affectionate - Lightly Affectionate - Affectionate - Bubbly Strictness Not Strict - Lightly Strict - Very Strict - Overly Strict Punishment Level Timeouts - Groundings - Spankings - Public Embarrassment Caretaker Age Youngest(21-35) Younger(35-50) Older(50-80) - Oldest(80-130) Little Mental Age Youngest(1-2) - Young(2-3) - Older(5-6) - Oldest(6-8) Diaper Usage Light - Medium - Harsh - Harshest Siblings No Siblings - One Sibling - Two Siblings - Three Siblings Continence Continent - #1 Only - Fully Incontinent Sexual Desires None - Light - Medium - Heavy Caretaker Height Medium - Tall - Taller - Tallest Caretaker Build Jacked - Medium - Fluffy - Fluffier Number Of Caretakers One - Two - Three - Four As I was filling out the options, I was surprised by some of the questions. It was strange to me how old the people were, but I guess they just didn't want to discriminate against really old people. I'm not sure though, as I thought people only lived to 100, but that might have changed in my lifetime. Shaking my head, I let that be and clicked to see my results. What popped up were only four options, and I looked very closely at each one. The first one looked like a nice couple, seemingly upper class by their clothes. They smiled, but something felt off about it, almost like they were smiling while not smiling. Scratching them out as an option in my mind, I went on to the next pair, they also seemed upper class, but their demeanor was a lot softer. The woman in the picture seemed lovely, but the man next to her did not seem very interested. Was he only there for her? Why would he tag along if he wasn't interested? Pondering on that for a moment, I decided to also cross them off and go on to the next couple. When I looked into their eyes, my heart almost melted by how soft they were. While they didn't look as perfect as the other couples, the imperfections made them look more human. The feeling I got from them is something I found hard to explain, like when you see someone who wears their heart on their chest. I got lost looking at the two, losing myself in their pleasant aura. I shook myself out of the trance and looked up to see a smiling Lisa staring at me, and when she noticed me looking at her, she spoke. “Did you find anyone you like?” I nodded in response, then clicked on the couple's profile, and I showed them to her. She looked at the profile for a second before speaking. “I don't think I've seen these two before?” She eyed them a little, a bit of concern showing on her face. All the concern seemed to vanish after she noticed something suddenly. “I think it will be alright.” She pocketed the tablet back into her desk. “I think you picked the right ones, hun.” She went back to her desk, then took out a pile of paperwork and a pen and passed it over to me. I groaned internally but looked up at the woman for reassurance. She only smiled brightly in response and then spoke. “Are you ready to start your new life baby?”. I questioned the seriousness of that statement, but only nodded as I began to look over the paperwork. ‘This is insane’ I thought, as I looked at the mountain of legal jargon and contracts that I barely understood. All I could do was sign my name on each one in the hope that I could get it done quickly. As I got to the last page, I gave a sigh of relief and signed it. I put the pen down and sat back in the chair, letting my hand rest and uncramp itself. Lisa only clapped her hands in excitement as she beamed down towards my slumping form. “Are you ready to meet them, hun?”.

Thank you all for the awesome comments! I'm still a pretty new writer when it comes to non-screenplays (yalls might be able to tell from the way I write lol). I'm learning a lot more about myself through this whole process, (which is very exciting), and one of the things I learned is that I cant write anything unless I completely plan it out beforehand. Luckily for you reader (yes you.) this is a great because it means I will finish this story completely. If you have any, I would love constructive feedback and critique. I went to school for something similar, so trust me I don't get upset with comments like that. They are well appreciated. Enjoy the chapter and thanks for reading! The Song I love today Chapter 2 It was the next day when I arrived back at the facility. The weather was surprisingly much more pleasant than the previous, or maybe I was just more excited and less nervous. Last night I had the opportunity to text and then subsequently video call my soon-to-be caretakers. I asked a lot of questions that seemed to be no-brainers to the couple, like “Do you really have a crib big enough to fit me?” or, “How big is your pool?”. The response to that one was met with what I could only guess was Olympic size measurements, then a stern talking from Jane. “You can only go in with floaties and a big watching you.” I was a tad disappointed at that because I did like swimming, but if this pool were as big as they say, then it would make sense to be cautious. After I asked most of my questions, they started asking questions about me. They seemed to ask much more surface-level questions like “What's your favorite snack?” and “Do you like any cartoons?”. They listed some tv shows that I'd never heard of before, and I told myself I would check them out later. It did surprise me a bit by how excited they were, almost like a couple expecting their first child would act. I pushed past that thought though, because at the end of the day, they seemed like really nice people. * * * * * * * * Driving up to the front gate, I was given different directions to go this time. I was headed towards what looked to be a large underground parking garage, but more massive than any I had ever seen. I only wondered how far the tunnels went and how big of a complex this was. ‘The military doesn't even get this large a budget!’ I thought to myself, even though I've never actually been in any military compounds, I wouldn't know for sure. As I got near the entrance, I entered a roundabout with multiple people standing to the side. I saw Lisa, a nice-looking woman I hadn't met and a woman dressed like a nurse. Two armed guards stood next to them, which made me a little nervous, but seeing all these people here filled me with a dread that was hard to explain. ‘Were they doing this all for me?’ I thought. I felt as though I didn't deserve this at all, especially for free. I let that thought go as I parked my car next to them, and Lisa came over and motioned for me to roll down my window. The air conditioner fans were loud in the underground facility, but I was still able to hear her clearly. “Hey hun, you can just park it here.” She said in a happy, but weirdly motherly way as if upset by the fact I was driving myself at all. ‘They take this whole caretaker thing so seriously?’ I thought to myself. I got out of the car and walked my way around to hand Lisa the keys. She took them and handed them to one of the guards; he seemed to nod in recognition of something. The nurse and another unknown woman walked forward to me as the nurse motioned for my hand. Butterflies buzzed through my stomach as I contemplated taking it. I didn't have much time to relish that feeling though because the no-named woman started to speak, “It's okay Jackson.” Her words immediately made me feel better. “I'm your caseworker Emily, but you can call me Emmy.” She held her hand out for a shake, and I took it. “Nice to meet you.” I blushed, feeling like a nervous child who has a crush on his teacher. She only giggled at my demeanor before tugging on my hand to guide me through the front double doors. The entire group followed, including one of the armed guards, who felt incredibly menacing. Emmy must have noticed me looking back nervously though, because she kept my attention towards her. “That's Jeremy. He looks tough, but he wouldn't hurt a fly.” I looked back again to see Jeremy smiling affectionately toward me, something that I hadn't noticed before. The nurse on the other side of me put her hand on my back, helping guide me into the compound. Until this point, everything looked white and clinical, almost like a hospital might. The long hallways didn't help the hospital's accusations, but as we got closer to our destination, it started to look much more like a pediatric department. The walls were adorned with bright pastels and sprawling green landscapes. The entire room put me at ease, which I assumed was the point. I was guided into one of the many rooms in the long, colorful hallway, and when we entered one, I saw that it looked exactly like a doctor's office. This office had a lot more though than a typical one, such as what looked to be a large tub, a much larger examination table, and a lot of technology that I'd never seen before. Emmy led me up onto the large examination table, and as I sat down, I felt truly small with the whole group now surrounding me. I began to feel overwhelmed until Lisa spoke up to break the short silence. “It was nice meeting you Jackie!” She took my hand in hers, and I looked up at her bubbling face. “Nurse Patty and your caseworker Emmy are going to take good care of you, okay?” I nodded in response. “You be a good boy for them, alright? No acting up!” She giggled and patted my back affectionately, then waved goodbye as she and the guard exited the room. Closing the door behind them, I was left with the two women, and I started feeling more comfortable. The feeling didn't stay though as I started thinking more and more and got more nervous again, but the feeling stopped when Emmy put her hand on my thigh. “It's gonna be alright, okay?” I sat there looking into her bright blue eyes pondering for a second. I started to melt as all my thoughts started surrounding her and her affectionate smile. “Kay,” I responded. She giggled at my sudden casual demeanor then scuffed up my hair a bit. I giggled at the sudden intrusion but then lavished in the welcome attention. Nurse Patty popped up behind Emmy with a rolling cart and held a puffy white square, which I only now just realized was a diaper. “Let's get you ready, okay? Arms up.” I started to fuss with my shirt, feeling unable to follow her directions and looking down at my dangling legs. She cocked her head to the side, confused at my sudden unwillingness to participate. “What's wrong honey?” she rubbed her hands on my back. The tension loosened as she soothed, and I spoke up quietly while still looking down, “I don't… want that.”. Emmy looked confused, before turning to Nurse Patty and noticing the diaper. The nurse decided to speak up, “We need to get you into protection in case you have an accident.” she said clinically like there wasn't anything embarrassing about wearing a diaper. I blushed at the insinuation that I would have an accident and meekly responded, “I don't need that…”. Emmy went behind me and decided to tug my shirt up like you would a fussy toddler. “It's going to be okay hun, you need it for when we transport you.” I looked back at her with my shirt half tugged up and she pulled it off completely, leaving me bare-chested. “You won't be able to use the pot-... I mean bathroom for a little while.” Emmy stumbled on her words, but I didn't have time to think about it because Nurse Patty suddenly started undoing my pants. “Bu.. But I can use the bathroom!” I pleaded, sounding much like a child rather than an adult. Nurse Patty finished pulling my pants down and she spoke, “You need to be mature about this hun.” she said plainly. I protested, “There isn't anything mature about a diaper!” but Emmy simply pushed me down onto my back while shushing me, and Nurse Patty folded my pants up and put them on the cart she brought over. “It's going to be okay Jackie, Can you be a big boy for me?” I blushed but started to fill with a weird sense of need. For some weird reason, I felt the desire to be good for her… To be a big boy for her… The thought confused me and I responded by retreating into myself and nodding meekly. I heard a loud crinkling as Nurse Patty took the plain diaper off her cart and fluffed it up right in front of me. I only felt more flustered after noticing just how big and loud it was. I couldn't close my legs at all, and the thought made me flush red. Emmy seemed to notice my discomfort though, because she put her hands on my head and petted my hair lovingly. I started to melt in her touch as she guided me back further onto the soft examination table. I could only look up at her affectionate smile and soft eyes as she felt and parted my hair again and again, lulling me into comfort I hadn't experienced much at all in my life. She didn't stop at all though, and as I was distracted by her soothing gestures, I felt my legs begin to move and my lower half was lifted completely into the air. I tried to look up at the invading feeling, but when I tried to do so, Emmy just pushed me back down lightly, adding to the soothing gestures with soft murmurs and quiet tapping. “Such a good boy… you're doing so well.” I blushed more and closed my eyes, feeling a light sprinkle on my groin, then a subsequent pressure change as the diaper was snuggly fitted on me. I felt the tapes tug, gaining a new sense of comfort as the padding pushed into all the right places. I could hear the Nurse cleaning up her station, but that didn't matter to me as I layed still with Emmy soothing me like a baby. I stayed still for a while, closing my eyes and loving every second of it. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but after a while, I was interrupted when I heard something being wheeled up next to me, but I didn't care to look up. However, like all good things in life, they must come to an end. I felt a light tapping on my forehead as I heard Emmy giggling softly in front of me. “Time to get up baby! We gotta see your mommy and daddy…” She spoke incredibly softly, but to my surprise with some sad undertones. It was almost enough for me to miss her choice of words, but at the moment, it didn't matter to me much. I tried to bask in the moment a little longer, but I felt pressure on my back as Emmy lifted me up. I sat there on the table, only now realizing how fluffy my crotch was. I experimented with pushing my legs together and poking at the foreign padding. All of that stopped though when Nurse Patty spoke up. “You can play with your diapers later baby, we gotta get going now.” I blushed at her words but only gave a small nod in response. The two seemed to coo at my sudden shy nature, which only helped my blush to redden more. I felt their hands motion for me to get off the table, but instead of standing when I got up, I was sat down in a strange-looking wheelchair. I haven't felt any wheelchairs like this before, but I didn't have the opportunity to think about it because as soon as I sat down, I was buckled in. I sat dazed and confused by the sudden restraints, but it didn't last long as I felt myself being pushed out the back door of the room. I blushed, now realizing that I was completely naked except for the diaper. I attempted to wiggle, but both women kept on moving while ignoring my fussy nature. I was lucky that there wasn't anybody in the hallway we were in, and pretty soon, I approached a large metal door. We waited for a second with Nurse Patty coming to my side to input a code on the wall, and all of a sudden, beeping noises started playing as the door mechanically opened. I immediately started fussing more with the restraints as I noticed all the people with lab coats and armed guards standing idly by. I tried calling out to Emmy, but she only pushed me further until we stopped at a weird pod-looking device with some people already in it. The people seemed to be sleeping, and I found this whole situation very confusing. I didn't have much time to get into my head though, because Emmy came around and knelt to my level, placing her hands on the front of the wheelchair. “I'm going to be with you the entire time, okay? You have nothing to worry about.” She finished speaking, and Nurse Patty came around to start unbuckling me out of the strange wheelchair. The two worked in tandem as I was lifted onto my feet. I only noticed once I stood up that the people in the pods were dressed just like me with only diapers on. Some of the diapers looked different though, some less plain and others more colorful and childish looking. Emmy and Nurse Patty ensured they were in my view the entire time before leading me towards an open pod. “Running behind schedule again, Emily? Typical…” I heard a gruff voice behind me. Emmy looked in that direction and tensed up a bit. “Sorry sir, I'll get to it quickly.” Nurse Patty prepared the pod in front of me and after she was done, Emmy much more hastily than before guided me into it. I was pushed back into the harness as my heart rate started to rise and my breathing quickened. Emmy must have noticed this though, because she started soothing me almost immediately, “I know this is scary, but I need you to be a big boy for me… Be brave for me, okay?”. Her last words lingered in my head for a second before she stood up and clicked a button on the side of the pod. A harness was tugged around me tightly and I started to fidget with it almost immediately. It was uncomfortably tight, and I looked up to Emmy for help, but she only looked down at me sadly. This was the first time I'd seen a frown on her face. That didn't help me calm down, but it didn't matter anyway. The glass door to the pod closed shut and it started to fill with a weird smoke. I lost the energy to continue fidgeting with the restraints and only groggily looked around in my small enclosure. My eyes became blurry, and I tried screaming out for Emmy, but nothing came out of my mouth. It wasn't before long that my eyelids closed, and I was gone.

NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART Author's note. There are only two parts to this scene, and the second one is a tricked out version of something that happened to me in March of 1960, shortly after my 14th birthday. I didn't connect the dots when my mom told me that it was time for me to start changing my own diapers, and in the process to move up from baby to adult. My attitude was “yeah, sure, whatever.” I was too busy pondering how to sync the dual carbs on my Triumph Spitfire (my first race car, which I was running on closed tracks). I wrote this scene as a thank you to Guilend, Littlebopeeper, Cdfm, CCApril, Kerry-- indeed to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on this story. Hope everyone continues to enjoy the tale. . . . . “I … I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time coming to grips with this.” Priscilla felt dizzy, incoherent thoughts swirling around in her brain with the force of a category five hurricane. “Aren't you two enemies? How … how is this possible?” Irina laughed, and it was heartfelt. She had had this conversation many times, and in more than one language. “My Dear, we are professionals, and as such we try not to make life too difficult for one another. But Ian and I are also friends. A long time ago, he saved my life, and for a Russian, this is a very big deal. We believe that, if you save someone's life, you are forever responsible for them. But it also means that my family has a life debt … what we call 'a debt of honor'. When Ian comes east, he is under my family's protection, but he is careful never to abuse our friendship. Do not think of him as a spy, for he is not. No. He is the one honorable man in a dishonorable profession. Now, I ask again: who is trying to harm my Ian?” “Calling her my bodyguard? Sorry, Irina; it was a figure of speech. There are many refugees here, and the hospitals all need someone who speaks Khmer, Lao, and Vietnamese. I'm it. I have been helping one hospital, and the others have found out. Now, there are recruiters offering me a lot of money to quit the university and work for somebody else. Priscilla is here to keep order.” “They are offering you money?” Irina snorted derisively. “Milyy, you care less about money than the people in my government, and they are good Communists! Ridiculous!” “Milyy,” Priscilla mouthed. “Sweetheart,” Ian mouthed. “Oh.” Priscilla didn't quite know what to make of that! “And now she is your nanny? Milyy, you never called me 'nanny' when I was changing your diapers!” “You changed his diapers,” Priscilla screeched. “But you're a general,” she managed to add before her voice trailed off. “A general who knows how to change a diaper,” Irina chuckled. “And changing my Ian was great fun” “Did you sleep with him?” Priscilla blurted out what she really wanted to know. “Uh … Pris,” Ian cautioned, “this call is being recorded; half the world is probably listening in.” “The question stands,” Priscilla hissed. “Did you sleep with him?” “No,” Irina lamented; “both governments would have been embarrassed if an American agent and a Russian general became lovers … and I am not a honey trap!” “Honey pot,” Ian corrected; “you are not a honey pot, and you do not set honey traps.” Priscilla looked at him for an explanation. "Using sex to set someone up for blackmail,” he whispered. She nodded. That, at least, was easy to understand. “Da … thank you. But when it comes to women,” she added coquettishly, “my Ian always comes to me for advice.” “An older woman ...” “We are the same age,” Irina laughed. “Milyy, ona zaviduyet. Ty tozhe spish's ney?” “Ian?” “She thinks that you are jealous, and she is very politely asking if we are lovers.” Ian said this loud enough for Irina to overhear. “Da,” Priscilla cut in before Ian had a chance to answer. “I do not understand. Ian, Donald told me that you are to marry … a nurse named Sarah. But he also said that you will be living with Rita and Victoria, and sleeping with them too. And now I discover that you are sleeping with your nanny. Is this an American custom, or did it only start with this feminist revolution of yours?” “American women are very liberated,” Ian conceded, “although few drive tractors.” This was an old Soviet joke, which he was sure would pass right over Priscilla's head. “But they are very bossy. I am the mule who plows their fields.” “And do you like pulling the plow?” “Yes, but the harness is uncomfortable. I want Sarah to make a harness just for me, not buy one in the store that fits poorly.” “I understand. You should not marry until the harness fits well. An unhappy mule will not plow deep, and the seed will fail. The angry farmer will sell the mule, and an animal twice sold may not find a buyer.” “The mule is stubborn by nature. The farmer must find its limits, and respect them.” “This mule will not lack for buyers.” Priscilla had caught on to what they were talking about. “There are many interested parties, but the owner will not sell. It will take time, but they will become a team.” “I see.” There was a pronounced pause while Irina thought it through. “Then we come to the heart of the matter-- marriage, and children. Your diapers do not drive the women who care for you away, and your injuries are less than they see in their work. No, it is as Donald said to me when he called: have you come to terms with the past, or does Nguyen still haunt your thoughts?” “I have let go,” Ian thoughtfully admitted. He had given an enormous amount of time to this very question. “And you were right. I was not honest with Emily, and not honest with myself. I treated her terribly. It was too soon.” “And children? Have you discussed this?” “Not yet … tomorrow with Rita, and on Saturday with everyone.” “And are you ready, Ian? Ready to have another child?” “Yes.” He let it go at that. “Wait … what? Ian? Ian, what … what are you saying?” Priscilla was suddenly struggling to breathe. It felt as if an invisible hand had taken hold of her heart, and was squeezing the life out of her. Whatever she had been expecting, this was not it. “She does not know?” Irina's voice was sharp, her tone openly accusing. “I've told no one.” Ian's tone was just as understandably defensive; he was acutely aware that they were entering the minefield, and that the world as he knew it was about to blow up. “Ty ne smohesh' eto sdelat'! Ty dolzhen skazat' im! Anyone who would bear you a child must know the cost!” “I know.” He was bone weary, his thoughts bankrupt. He had no idea how to begin. “Ian, listen to me. Talk to Priscilla. Talk to her directly. You cannot hide from this, and she is a police officer. She has seen tragedy, and can help you. But have faith in your loves. They too have seen much tragedy.” Irina was right, Ian thought; it was somewhere to begin. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he took the plunge. “Pris, do you remember what I told you this morning about Studies and Operations Group … how we were not in the chain of command?” “Yes,” she responded tentatively. Priscilla felt as if she was mired in quicksand. “And how I had Vietnamese soldiers in my unit?” She nodded. “We did not operate out of a military base. Instead, we used a village that was home to two brothers in my unit … Minh and Quy. They were experienced noncoms, and very good soldiers. They spoke little English, so we communicated in Vietnamese. Over time, we became close friends-- so close that Minh and Anh asked me to be present at their daughter's baptism, and to become Thu's godfather. It helped that we were all Catholics, and took Mass together. A parish priest visited us regularly.” Ian reached into his pocket, and pulled out his wallet. He laid it on the desk, but did not open it. He caressed the worn leather with his thumb. “I was all of twenty-two years old and far from a home that, with my parents gone, seemed not only distant but unreal. Viet Nam felt much more like where I belonged, and Minh and Quy had a sister a year younger than me. Nguyen was beautiful, but there was a grace about her that is hard to put into words, and her smile warmed a place in my heart that I did not know was there. She was my first love, and with her family's permission, I courted and in due course married her-- a Catholic wedding, with our parish priest presiding. The army put up a lot of roadblocks to keep young guys from marrying Vietnamese girls, so I was lucky that I was no longer in the chain of command.” Opening the wallet, Ian removed his driver's license to reveal the photograph concealed beneath. He handled it lovingly. Priscilla's eyes grew large and luminous as she realized what Ian was holding. Her breath caught in her throat. “About a year later, my daughter was born. This is my family, Pris … Nguyen and Linh.” Ian handed her the photograph. Priscilla silently accepted it, but her eyes never left Ian's face. His eyes were soft and filled with love, but then another thought slipped into place, and she could register his pain. She did not need to hear him say it to know that she was holding tragedy in her hands. Finally, she looked down. Ian was sitting atop a brick wall, holding the baby in his arms, with his wife standing beside him, her arm casually draped over his shoulders. They were both smiling at the camera. Nguyen, with her silken black hair falling below her waist, was exquisitely beautiful, and Ian was young and happy. So young, she thought, so very young. “I was wounded again late in sixty nine … my third Purple Heart. Not a threat to life and limb, but enough to earn down time for both me and the unit. R&R, maintenance, resupply-- and a chance to be a husband and father in real time, not just stolen moments. But it didn't last: it couldn't, not with the war expanding deeper into Laos and Cambodia.” “Go on,” Priscilla encouraged. Lost in his memories, Ian had gone silent for several seconds. “In March of seventy, we shot down a Soviet helicopter over Laos, and captured the pilots unharmed-- Irina, and Sergei Federov. They weren't supposed to be there … we weren't supposed to be there … and there was nothing in the manual telling me what to do.” “He interrogated us,” Irina put in, “in Russian. But we were pilots, not engineers. It was easy to play dumb because we were.” “Anyway, in the end I hoisted Irina onto Toby's back, told Sergei to tag along, and off into the jungle we went. I left them outside a Laotian village under Communist control, and returned to the war. Just another day at the office.” “Sergei and I were debriefed in Moskva, and we told everyone about this young officer commanding a unit in the jungle-- a young officer who spoke Vietnamese and Lao, Khmer … and fluent Russian. No one would have believed us except for Toby because everyone knows that Americans cannot speak any language but their own. Ah, but there were stories being told, stories about an American who rode into battle on an elephant, with a huge snake around his shoulders. This was our confirmation, and our intelligence services opened files on the soldier code named Dvarapala … you would say 'demon warrior'. But I knew him as Ian Grady, and for years I watched for him, hoping that he would come east. And when he did, I went to him, only to find him wearing a diaper and depending on a cane. At first, I pitied him, but he would not allow it. Instead, he asked for my help, telling me the terrible story that you have yet to hear-- a story that I brought back to Moskva and told to others. And so began the operation we call Velikyi Poisk-- 'The Great Search'.” “Searching for what?” Priscilla flinched, knowing in her heart that she had asked the wrong question. “For my daughter.” Oh God, no!!! “About three months after Irina and I said our goodbyes, we were in the field at the tail end of a high risk mission. We pulled it off, despite being in intermittent contact with an enemy force that had us heavily outnumbered, but we missed our extraction window because of bad weather. We were on our own for the next forty eight hours, and when the choppers and gunships finally did show up, we were caught out in the open in an intense fire fight. We took casualties …” Ian took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “I lost both of my brothers in law. I spent the next nine months in hospital, afraid for my family, trying to get better so that I could go home. I knew that our unit had been disbanded, but other than that … nothing.” “Not knowing,” he whispered; “waking up every day, not knowing … that was hard. How trivial the diapers seemed in comparison.” Priscilla reached across the desk to grip Ian's hand. She wanted to comfort him, but well knew how pointless words were at moments like this. She could only hope that her touch would somehow reassure him that he was not alone. “When I left Hawaii, my first stop was DC, where I learned that after finally getting back on my feet I had been relegated to a desk … condemned to become just another Pentagon pencil pusher. I resigned my commission on the spot, and made my way out to Saigon on my own. Getting home was easy, but the village was empty … a literal ghost town-- well, except for Pete and Toby. They were still there, growing fat on rats and rice grass. I moved them to a rubber plantation that belonged to a friend, and then I went looking for answers. First stop, Saigon.” Ian let out a deep, frustrated sigh. “I expected to find that the village had been relocated to somewhere in the Delta; they'd done it before. But when I made the rounds, all I got was blank looks. Nobody knew what had happened, or so they claimed. So, I chased down some of the guys … the ones who had written to me in hospital. They all swore that everything seemed normal when they left for reassignment. That's when I started to panic, or as Donnie so eloquently puts it, that's when I lost it. I braced the members of a very well informed club, and believe me, I pushed them really hard.” “Nothing.” Ian was speaking in a dull monotone, and Priscilla was struggling to hold back her tears. She sensed how this terrible story was going to end. “At some point, I lost hope. I figured that the VC had massacred everyone in the village to send a message, or maybe the Buddhists were starting another round of Christian persecution.” “But Buddhists are supposed to be non-violent!” Priscilla was utterly shocked by what she was hearing, her emotions becoming more tangled by the moment. “Tell that to the hundred and eighteen martyrs who have been beatified by the Church.” Ian's anger flared for a fleeting second, then died away. “It came down to closure. I couldn't leave until I had hard, tangible evidence that my family was dead. With nowhere else to turn, and knowing that Donnie was still in country, I tracked him down, only to end up back where it all began-- in Hue, at the Huong Giang hotel. He … he had photos. Nothing disturbed, the bodies still on the ground. Some were hard to identify … the rats ...” “Oh God,” Priscilla moaned. Far away, Irina flinched. This was the story she had told to her father and to her colleagues-- the inconceivable horror of war known only to those who had been there. “I found Nguyen, Anh, my parents-in-law, but not my daughter, and that's when we stumbled upon the truth. Donnie was emphatic: there had been no infants or small children among the dead. They had vanished, the youngest victim being maybe five years old. But Donnie didn't know that I had married … had a daughter. That changed everything. Until that moment, he thought that the children had been taken to be adopted out or trafficked, which is still a possibility …” “Sergei is using his connections in the arms trade to penetrate the trafficking networks,” Irina interrupted. “Often, the same people are involved in both operations. But this becomes much more difficult when the children mature. Prostitution across borders is a vast industry, and in many countries it is protected by the police and the politicians.” “But for the first time, Donnie and I had seriously to consider the possibility that we were dealing with a state actor.” “I don't understand,” Priscilla hesitantly admitted. “Priscilla, there is no one in my country with Ian's gift. No one. Do you understand?” “No. I'm sorry, but I don't get it.” “He may well be the only person in your country with this talent as well. What if his children inherit this ability? Their value would be beyond measure, yes?” “So … so you think that someone knew that Ian had a child, and murdered an entire village to steal her? Only they didn't know which child, so they took them all? Is that what you're saying?” “Da.” Irina firmly believed that this was the answer to the mystery. What she could never say over the telephone was that she had developed a theory that fit all the facts, although she had no hard evidence to support it. Ian nodded in agreement. “Donnie understood the implications, Pris; in the wrong hands, with time and training Linh could be forged into a very dangerous weapon. So, we cut the obvious trade: I placed my language skills at Langley's disposal, and in turn the Agency uses its resources to search for her. This has been going on for eight years now.” “And Irina helps you because you saved her life, and she owes you this 'debt of honor'. It was a statement, not a question. “Correct.” Well, I know who I want to find your daughter, and it damned well isn't my government! Besides, damn it, I like Irina! “And now you're caught up in this as well. I'm sorry.” “Caught up how?” Priscilla was once more lost in the depths. “You just admitted that we have slept together, on a call that's being recorded and will be reviewed by some very powerful people. Priscilla, any woman of child-bearing age who sleeps with me is going to have a security net thrown over her. This is what Sarah, Rita and Vickie have to think about-- the consequences of sharing their lives with a guy who has been under Agency scrutiny since age eleven. At first, the net will be light, but the net will tighten if one of them becomes pregnant, and a very tight net will protect the baby from birth. The Agency will not permit another child to slip through its fingers.” “I haven't met Rita, but Vickie loves you, Ian, and for sure she's not going anywhere. Remember, this is a woman who fought for you with a turkey drumstick.” “I do not know this story,” Irina laughed; “is it good?” “Oh, yes! A patient attacked Ian at Thanksgiving dinner, and Vickie leapt across the table to defend him. She was holding a drumstick, and used it like a cudgel to beat him off!” “Wonderful,” Irina clapped; “wonderful!” “And again, Sarah strikes me as a very tough cookie. No one is going to intimidate her.” “Milyy, it is after midnight, and I must go. I think that you are ready, both for marriage and children. If you need my help on Saturday night, I will be home. Call anytime after your ten o'clock. But I want to meet with you soon … Athens would be best. We have much to discuss. Do svidaniya, Priscilla!” “Do svidaniya, Irina!” Ian disconnected, but he was looking at her curiously. “I remember it from some movie or other; that and da are the only Russian I know. Now, you're overdue for a diaper change, and the deli awaits, if you're still up for it.” Priscilla was making an effort to keep it light, but she was worried about Ian's state of mind. What he had just suffered was a level of trauma that police rarely encountered outside the morgue. Ian walked around his desk, and reached out to clasp her hands. He had his game face on. “Thank you for being here, and for keeping it together. I know this wasn't easy for you. And the deli sounds great … real food at last!” He mustered a grin, but it didn't fool Priscilla for a second. She squeezed his fingers a bit harder. “You did well, Ian, and if you think of it as a dress rehearsal for Saturday night … yes, it will be hard, but do not underestimate the strength and resolve of the people you love. There are a few details that would be best omitted, but otherwise, tell the story as you just told it to me. I promise you that it will end well.” . . . . “Are we, uh, are we really going to do this?” Wide-eyed, Vickie was staring at the breast pump, trying to imagine her body hooked up to this ridiculous Rube Goldberg device. At the moment, it was cheerfully chugging away, the store owner having activated a floor model to demonstrate how it worked. The middle-aged lady, whose gray hair and ample bosom screamed Meemaw, had assured them that the experience would be pleasurable because, rather than constantly suctioning, the machine perfectly mimicked the rhythm of a hungry infant at the breast. She had then excused herself to attend to a nervous looking teenage boy who had come in by himself, and appeared on the edge of a nervous breakdown in the diaper aisle. “I mean, really, this monster weighs over twenty pounds. We're not exactly going to haul it around the living room while we get on with the vacuuming.” “It would be a good time to catch up on our reading, maybe watch a little TV” Rita commented. She was trying to look on the bright side, but like Vickie, she was having a hard time imagining her body being tethered to this monstrosity for weeks at a time. 'It's just not practical,” Vickie lamented. “I mean really. No break between sessions to last more than five hours for the first two months? Doing it for fifteen minutes every two hours for a seventy two hour stretch? And pumping both breasts simultaneously? Are you kidding me? How are we supposed to work, never mind sleep?” “I'm going to do it,” Sarah countered, her expression a study in grim determination. “And I agree with her ...” Sarah nodded in the direction of the store owner. They could hear her asking the boy his name and age. Tommy was fourteen. “And do you need diapers for bedwetting, or wear them both day and night?” In the quiet of the store, they could all hear the conversation unfolding two aisles away as if it were taking place within arm's reach. “... that we each need our own machine, or rather, machines-- one for home, and one for the office.” “Expensive,” Vickie observed. “We can afford it,” Sarah sneered. She was letting Vickie rattle on, but she had already decided that they would be leaving the store with six breast pumps and associated appliances, and that they would be attending one of the upcoming night classes teaching how to keep the pumps germ free and the milk that they would express safe and sanitary. Tommy was nervously explaining to the lady that he was a bed wetter, but he confessed that he still had daytime accidents as well, and that his parents insisted he be diapered for car trips, the movies, church, and family gatherings. “Poor kid,” Vickie whispered. “I didn't get out of nighttime diapers until I was nine.” “I think that at your age we should be looking at adult diapers,” the lady observed. “And are you using rubber pants, or baby pants?” “Baby pants,” he said in a subdued voice. “I see,” she mused. “Do you know what brand you wear?” “I have them on,” he cringed. “Mom made me wear a diaper to make it easier for you to help me.” “That was smart. I tell you what. Let's go into the storeroom; you can undress, and I'll take your measurements. Adult diapers come in different sizes, and you will probably need baby pants with a wider crotch to protect against leaks. Your new diapers will be much bulkier than your old ones, but they will protect you a lot better. Won't that be wonderful?” “Thank you,” he said politely. He meekly followed the Meemaw into the storeroom. About a minute later, she returned to check on her three female customers. She was curious about their interest in breast pumps, since it was obvious that their pregnancies could not be far advanced. “So, what have you decided,” she asked cheerfully. “We'll need a half dozen pumps total,” Sarah indicated. “Plus all of the accessories … and we'll need to sign up for a class sometime in the next couple of weeks.” “Wonderful. And I'm sorry that I had to wander off. Two or three boys like Tommy there come into the store every week. Entering puberty, they need to make the transition to adult diapers, but the poor dears are always so embarrassed. And their baby pants are never big enough to cope with the extra bulk.” The keen eyed store owner shrewdly appraised Vickie's rear; the bulk of the woman's obvious diaper put anything in her store to shame! “I cannot help but notice your diaper, Dear; it must be very absorbent, but is it comfortable?” Vickie instantly turned crimson with embarrassment, much to Sarah's delight. Even Rita was amused. “She's wearing one of our hospital diapers,” Sarah hastily cut in, “along with baby pants and a canvas diaper cover. This is what she uses away from work, but at the office I keep her in a thinner adult diaper from a local diaper service.” “Lullaby?” “Yes! Do you know it?” “I do, indeed. You should have a peek at our adult diaper line. I guarantee you that our diaper is superior, both in terms of absorbency and wear. And it would only be slightly more visible to the naked eye. Reducing the number of times you have to change her at work is a good trade off.” “Do you hear that, baby girl? Would you like to look at some new diapees?” Sarah was cooing in the singsong way that mothers worldwide adopted when addressing their babies. “She's your baby,” the lady asked. This was getting more and more interesting. “She is,” Sarah confirmed. “And what do you call me, baby girl?” “Mommy,” Vickie whispered. “I'm sorry, sweetheart,” the lady snickered, “but I didn't hear you.” “Mommy,” Vickie repeated in a much louder voice. “And who is this nice lady,” Sarah asked as she pointed at Rita. “Auntie Rita,” Vickie said, making sure that her voice was loud enough that she wouldn't have to repeat herself. “She's very well behaved,” the lady commented. “You have done a good job raising your baby girl.” “Oh, she's often a brat, I assure you. I wish I could find a pacifier for her, but she's such a big baby that I've had no luck so far.” “Well, then, this is your lucky day. I keep a stock of pacifiers for older children, including teenagers. I was just about to get one for Tommy before I change him; would you like to check them out?” “Absolutely! Sometimes she's so cranky … a nice pacifier is just what this baby girl needs!” “My pleasure. Here, let me direct you to our adult diaper line. The stock is below the counter at the end of this aisle, but I always keep one on the counter for customers to examine. Why don't you look them over while I fetch the pacifiers. Then, you'll have to excuse me for a few minutes while I take Tommy's measurements and select the right diaper for him.” The lady pointed at the display, but kept walking to the back of the sales counter. She was back a moment later, with several pacifiers in different colors. Sarah instantly picked out a large pink one, and waved it in front of Vickie's face. “Open up, baby girl; here's your new binkie!” Vickie opened wide, and began instantly to suck contentedly on her new paci. It was so easy to make Sarah happy, and to her surprise she discovered that she was really enjoying the attention. The pacifier was actually quite soothing. The lady reached under the counter, and took three adult diapers in different sizes off the various stacks. She then excused herself to go diaper her customer, but not before inviting Sarah to bring Vickie back to the storeroom once she was finished with Tommy. As long as the diaper on display did not touch the baby's skin, she explained, Sarah was free to try the various sizes to get the best fit. Sarah was delighted to accept the lady's kind offer, and she asked in return whether they could help with the boy's diaper change. “That would be very embarrassing, but what would really help is to let him see your baby's diaper. If he knew that there were even bigger babies wearing diapers, it would make the transition to adult diapers a lot easier for him.” “We'd be delighted to help, wouldn't we baby girl?” Vickie nodded while she kept sucking on her new binkie. “Then give me a moment to lock up the shop, and the four of us can all retreat to the storeroom.” The lady stormed off to the front, locked the door, and turned the OPEN sign to CLOSED. “Now,” she said when she returned, “let's go see how Tommy is getting along.” First knocking on the door and opening it just enough to check that Tommy was still wearing his baby diaper and baby pants while being otherwise undressed, she flung the door open and led her three female customers into the room. Tommy's eyes widened in shock when he saw the pretty lady, whom he guessed was a bit younger than his mother, happily sucking on a big pacifier. He turned to the store owner, his look more confused than concerned. “These ladies have offered to help us sort out your new diapers,” she explained. “And this nice lady wants to show you her diaper, which is much, much thicker than the one you will be wearing. We all thought that you would find your new diapers less threatening if you saw what a really thick diaper looks like. And here ...” She reached into one of the pockets on her dress, and brought out another pacifier, this one in baby blue. “I thought that this might help you as well.” Like Sarah, she waved it in front of Tommy's eyes, and like Vickie, he opened his mouth to accept the gift. He began sucking without conscious thought. Sarah unfastened and lowered Vickie's pants, revealing the canvas diaper cover underneath. She took the key out of her pocket, and unlocked the cover, but left it in place. “My baby girl sometimes tries to take her diaper off without permission, so I keep this locking cover in place at all times to keep her from doing so. I hope that you don't give your mommy a hard time about your diapers, Tommy, because if you do ...” Sarah paused to lower Vickie's cover, exposing the pink baby pants hiding beneath. Tommy's eyes widened when he saw the pink vinyl covering, and he began sucking madly on his pacifier when he grasped how thick this big baby's diapers really were. “... if you do,” Sarah continued, “your mother can put you in a much thicker diaper like this one, and get one of these covers to keep it locked in place. Then all of your friends would know what a big baby you really are. You wouldn't like that, would you?” The boy nodded vigorously, and then blushed when he realized that he was wetting his baby diaper. “So, are you going to be a good boy for your mommy, and wear your diapers like she wants you to?” Sarah's voice was syrupy. The teenager again nodded vigorously in agreement, as his pee continued to flow unabated. It was a good thing that his mommy had folded a couple of baby diapers up, and inserted them to act as soaker pads. The lady took note of the boy's discomfort, and guessed correctly that he was having an “accident.” “You didn't bring a diaper bag with you, did you?” The young teen shook his head, and looked down in shame. “That's all right,” she soothed; “I have a diaper pail here that we can use. Give me your number, and I'll call your mother to come pick you up. If you need to poop, go ahead and use your diaper; I'll clean you up, and spare your mother the trouble. It must be very hard on her, having a boy your age still in diapers.” Tommy's head hung in shame, and he started to cry. Sarah stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the big baby, hugging him close. “It's all right,” she said consolingly as she patted his back. “You can't help it, and I'm sure that your mother doesn't mind caring for you. Now, give your Auntie Sarah a big hug.” The boy did so, burying his head in Sarah's shoulder, his tears flowing freely. Vickie was sucking frantically on her pacifier, overcome with jealousy. Mommy Sarah had never hugged her this way! When they were leaving the shop, with new diapers for Vickie and the half dozen breast pumps, Sarah's baby girl refused to let go of her pacifier until mommy threatened her with a public spanking.

Sorry that happened to you. Just because someone is religious, or belongs to a religion (or any other group) does not make them a good person on that fact alone. Sounds like that person a Sunday Christian- the holier-than-thou type who think parking their ass on a pew for an hour or two on Sunday makes them morally superior to everyone else yet acts like a jackass the other days of the week. There's a wide variety of churches/ congretations (or mosques or synagogues or temples or shrines for other religions etc) and denominations within the many religions. Some of those vast numbers of those groups are cliquey, sucky people and some of those groups are awesome people. You found the sucky ones. I hope you find peace and healing and someday, if you want to, I hope you find a group of awesome people (of whatever religion or non-religion like agnosticism or atheism etc) you choose.

It was like 3 or 4. But she had to bring the syringe kit from the hospital and it looked like a really small syringe, so it might have been a size mismatch. She just said keep taking the medication as needed, and keep her updated. No special instructions or restrictions aside from how to handle first peeing. My diaper has been getting wetter in tiny amounts. I can't tell until I feel the wet drips. Thank you!! Yeah, this is an amazing feeling. 😁

Chapter Thirty Amanda watched her friend Cat carry Kate into the little’s bedroom. She came back out a minute later and went to the bathroom. By the time John was done nursing and asleep, Cat had seemed to have all the dirty clothes and towels just shoved into the washing machine. Stopping to pull her bra straps back up, she started to scoot forward in the rocking chair to get up. Cat walked by and took her elbow and insisted on helping her stand. Whispering “Thank you.” she shifted him up a bit and reached down to grab his stuffie and pacy. As she carried him to the bed, she poked his lips with the pacy until he took it without waking up. She stopped to swing half of the gate open and looked at Kate against the back wall of the crib. Hearing Cat walk up beside her she whispered quietly “So should we lay them side by side? Put the pillow between them?” Cat looked for a moment and asked in hushed volume “Where do you usually put the pillow?” With a motion toward the front, Amanda answered “I put it here toward the front because I heard him rolling into the gate in his sleep.” Cat nodded and pulled the pillow up to the front of the crib and then gently slid Kate forward up against it. With only a nod, Amanda laid John down next to his little friend, and they both put their stuffies next to their littles. They each took a turn to lean over and kiss their littles goodnight on their cheeks before closing the gate and heading back to the living room to sit down. With a great sigh, Amanda went ahead and asked the obvious “Okay. What did Agent Praefectus have to say while I was in the shower?” “Oof.” Cat exclaimed “Right to it, I see. He asked me a couple of things. First he asked me if you were the kind of person that would drive to the city for counseling. When I said no he was not surprised since you seemed so headstrong to him. Which is a polite way of saying stubborn. So the ABI is going to send a counselor out here tomorrow afternoon.” Amanda sat upright and asked “Say what??” Cat just shrugged at her and said “A Counselor. No expense to you, but he wasn’t asking. He said you assisted the ABI and were obviously shaken up. They are required to send someone to check on you. Mental health is important. Plus he was really impressed with you, you know.” Flopping back onto the couch and looking up at the ceiling, she sighed again “I don’t really want to sit with a counselor and recall this day.” If Cat made a gesture, she couldn’t see it looking at the ceiling, but the reply came all the same. “And you know … you made a VERY good impression with him…” Amanda didn’t even look where she aimed, she just grabbed the couch pillow next to her and flicked it at Cat. “Hey, I’m just saying…” Amanda cut that off right there “Too bad, I’m already feeding Mike.” “Oh? You’ve claimed the delivery man as yours then?” She reached without looking, but was out of pillows so she sat up and looked at Cat. “I’ll have you know that he is sweet, seemed very kind, John already admires the man, he knows how to check PH levels in garden soil, and Xerxes seems to trust him.” Cat just nodded along and added “Uh huh, and…….” “And he’s cute. Yes, I have a crush. But you’ve been pushing me to date for years, so you don’t get to complain.” Cat scooted closer “And when do I get to meet him?” Amanda waved a hand dismissively “Eventually. Just let me see how things work out first.” As Cat gave in and leaned back, Amanda looked over to her computer with a sigh “Okay. I’m caught up on work, but I have to type out everything that happened with John today, and since Kate was also on the tablet, I’m certain that they will have questions.” Inquisitively Cat asked “So what’s the deal with that, anyway? Is that what you said about them testing John?” All it took was a nod “Yeah, John just has to do puzzles for at least an hour or two once or twice a week. I have to document his progress and be frank about his mental state and any regression that he experiences. Small things like how he originally called me Amanda, and now he’s calling me Mom. Occasionally Mommy, but that’s happening if he’s talking in his sleep more than awake.” Naturally Cat asked “Why would they want to track things like that?” Only able to really shrug, Amanda answered honestly “I think it’s more to do with wanting to know how long it takes rift littles to acclimate under ideal circumstances, and the ways to handle them so that adjusting to life here isn’t so jarring to them. Imagine the good they could do if they had rough guidelines on how to comfort new littles that get trapped here.” It was a moment of quiet contemplation before Cat responded “Yeah. That makes sense. I know that Kate certainly did not take the public nursery well at all. A basic guide for how to prevent them from being traumatized would have helped her a lot. Poor thing rides on my hip when we have meetings in that place. She bites on her training pacy so hard it inflates, and refuses to look at anyone. She had nightmares for the first month.” With a bit of scooting over, Amanda hugged her life long friend and explained “You’re doing really well with Kate. I remember when you first adopted her. It’s good that your cat insists on napping with her.” Laughing, Cat explained “She kept feeding the cat. That’s why the cat took a liking to her.” “You know …” Amanda mused out loud as she thought “I wonder if all littles are obsessed with feeding animals, or just dimensional ones.” Cat just shrugged “No telling. You get to typing, I’ll go get changed for bed. It’s nearly our bedtime too.” Amanda sighed as she went over to the computer and tapped the button to make it come out of standby. He notepad was still there and she had one message waiting for her. With a click she was reading the message “A new little has used the tablet. This is fine as it is more metrics and encourages your little to play on it anyway. Please describe the little and where they are from for our records.” Musing “Huh. Okay, I thought they would be at least a bit upset.” Amanda set about describing Kate as a portal little that got lost, how long she had been here, the circumstances for her coming to visit and their playful/competitive relationship that they seemed to have so far. Honestly as she typed it she wondered if they got along so well because they were from the same dimension. So without a second thought she typed that into the message to the research team. Never hurts to have more thoughts on paper for later. After hitting send, Cat set a mug of chamomile tea down next to her. Sipping it while she looked at where her notes left off, she tried to think back to the morning. Normally remembering that same morning in detail was as simple as breathing. But today that was not the case. Rubbing her temple she thought out loud as she remembered in bits “twenty four minutes from coffee to diaper change … went almost feral over the egg yolk ...seemed downright melancholy about the rain and not being allowed to go outside … nap on dog … And having run through the day that way she spent less than five minutes rapidly typing out anything relevant from the day. Groaning, she realized “Crap. They’ll want to know there’s another rift little because they’re rare.” Cat came over, sipping her own cup of tea “What was that?” Amanda looked over and up as she explained “The research group would probably be interested in knowing that the rift is active enough that another little came through. I guess I have to …” Cat leaned down and hugged her before saying “I’ll stand right here while you type. You do what you have to do and I’m right here with you.” With a grateful ‘thank you’, she turned back to the screen and tried her best to be brief and downplay her own role in things, mentioning the motion sensors and only mentioning her and the dog being there to assist. That the little they found was shivering but unresponsive. And still, by the time she was done she teared up a bit thinking of that poor little against her chest, completely limp. Reluctantly she hit the button to submit the days report. No sooner did she hit send did Cat lean down and hit the button to send her computer back to standby and started pulling on her hand. “Hey, what are you doing?” Cat just shook her head and said “You’re going to sit next to me on the couch. Sometimes bigs need cuddles too.” Amanda gave in and accepted cuddles from her friend for a half hour. It may not have been much, but it made her feel better. With a deep yawn she admitted that she needed to get some sleep because she had a little to take care of in the morning. Patting her friend on the shoulder, she said “Okay Cat, I’m heading to bed.” Cat nodded and let her up. When Amanda went to her bedroom, Cat was still there behind her. “Okay Cat, what’s going on?” Pushing her toward the bed while talking, Cat explained matter of factly “I’m sleeping next to you. You’ll sleep better that way. Now scoot.” Unable to resist rolling her eyes, Amanda tried to interject “We have not slept together in years.” Cat just kept prodding her and shaking her head “We’re not up to anything naughty. Now I’m sleepy too, so get over there.” ~~~~~~~~~~ Four hours later Amanda woke up with a start, her eyes snapping open instantly as she sat up in the bed. Apparently she’d had a bad dream. Or was it a flash back? After a few moments an arm came up and gently pulled her back down toward the bed where she gave up and rolled over. A warm body scooted closed and pressed against her back. Focusing on that contact she slowly drifted back off to sleep.

Curious to hear how Reddy's first night of diaper dependency went?!?!? Soaked diapers? Wet bed?

I'm not going to lie, reading the last few pages has had me feeling all kinds of strange emotions. Jealousy - There is a part of me that likes the idea of it. I've been dependent on diapers before although it was temporary and I remember not particularly caring for it but at the same time there are parts that I miss. I don't think this is something I would ever go for myself but I would love to have a switch installed where I could turn incontinence on and off as wanted! Shock - That you actually went through with it. Up until now this thread, to me sounded pretty theoretical. Even in your recovery with the catheter it didn't really hit me but you describing your loss of control surprised me. I don't know why. I guess there is a part of me that simply wouldn't accept that someone would actually perform this surgery without there being a need for it. It's only after it's all said and done that my brain started processing it. Admiration - That you saw something you wanted and went out to get it. We've had hundreds or more people talk about wanting to be incontinent, about how to achieve it or simulate it, none (as far as I'm aware) went all the way. I haven't really come to any firm conclusion in my mind about whether it's a good idea or not, whether it is ethical or not, whether I would be interested in it even, but seeing something you want and going for it is admirable even if I end up not agreeing. Concern - I mean this with all due respect. I'm worried about the reality of incontinence for you. In many ways the surgery is the easy part, everything that comes next is the hard bit. Being incontinent sounds great right now, will it still feel that way in a year? Five years? Ten years? If you get tired of it there is no going back. From what I remember of your posts you don't have a lot of 24/7 wearing experience, in many ways you are one of the least qualified people to become incontinent of a lot that I've seen trying to achieve it. Many have tried medications, catheter usage, unpotty training, etc. Have tried various things for years, have worn diapers all the time for years. I can't help help feeling concern that you have entered into this lightly, that you haven't given it the thought it should have or tried other non-invasive options. I'm concerned that you'll experience side-effects that will compromise your happiness or standard of life. Don't get me wrong. I'm not moralising about whether you should've done it or not, I'm just expressing my feelings of concern over what you'll experience going forwards. At the end of the day what you do with your body is entirely up to you. I think people should be free to do whatever they want with themselves. Curiosity - Perhaps in part due to the last section I'm really curious about what will happen and how you feel. I do hope you continue to update us in the short term AND the long term so we can keep up with how you're doing, the experiences you'll have and how you adapt to your new situation. I think a lot of us will be curious to hear what life is like "on the other side" and experiences such as telling people, side-effects, romantic relationships, just day-to-day life constantly wetting yourself. I think yuo'll have a very interesting perspective that would be interesting to keep up with and could be very useful to anyone contemplating going through something similar. Finally... Excitement - I can't lie, this sort of thing hits my buttons on a sexual level somewhat. The idea of doing it, to be permenantly altered, to need diapers, etc. It does certain things for me. I don't mean to sexualise what you've experienced, I'm just being honest that as a fantasy I really like it! I don't know if you know but I'm a writer with subscription platforms. I sometimes write blog posts on there about my thoughts and feelings. Would it be OK for me to write a blog post about this thread and your surgery? I know I don't really need permission to do it but it feels like the polite thing to ask about!

@ReddySounds like the surgery went well. Best wishes to you on your journey.

This is exactly why incontinence is so great for me. Especially if you have no control whatsoever as you seem to have now and I do with a stent. Not only do you feel different, you are also different now and you will have to think and act very differently to keep it unnoticed. In fact, it is inevitable that you will even behave differently. People will notice your unusual hesitation when they invite you to an unexpected activity. You'll think "I'd love to, but my diaper" and they'll think "he doesn't want to come with us" . This is what I think life would be like if I were irreversibly incontinent due to surgery. I base it partly on my extensive experience with stents. It's always there, it never stops until your last breath. You'll feel excited but also disabled with every pee spurt that hits your diaper. You will feel the need to do everything you can to keep it unnoticed. Because who wants to see a grown man pee his pants? But all these actions to keep it unnoticed simultaneously turn it into an invisible disability. So people will expect you to act like a normal human being, which sometimes is simply not possible because of your diaper situation. Diapers are not easy to hide and no matter how hard you try to avoid them, leaks will occur every now and then, making it even more difficult to keep your 'problem' unnoticed. In short, in my opinion it's the best handicap you can have. It keeps you busy and excited all the time. The reasons that still stop me from doing it are my children and grandchildren. I don't want to be that horny, diapered (grand)father when I'm around them. I am also afraid that after the surgery I will have nothing left to desire and will therefore lose my only sexual drive.

I’m curious if your treatment protocol was identical to Reddy’s. I wonder if there is a right combo that gives the best outcomes. Two ideas in the thread intrigue me: 1. The resection of the bladder neck, prostate, and sphincter reduces the risk of strictures. I’m not sure if it is true or not, but interesting idea. Most literature is about minimizing the cutting. 2. Healing for a week with a 22fr catheter. That is both longer and larger than protocols I’ve found via Google. Dr. Aguilar seems pretty innovative and this isn’t even his main business. Maybe he can dial in the right protocol here too.

In which Daniel is taken shopping for supplies, uses his diaper reapetedly in a way he couldn't imagine and realises just what is in those bottles he's been drinking. --- Writing is my passion and my only source of income. If you enjoy my stories you may be interested to learn that you can see every update I post one week before the rest of the world with a $5 pledge on one of my subscription sites. There has been a lot of upheaval recently with Patreon purging a lot of ABDL content so I have tried to diversify a little so that I can continue to bring everyone stories. For just a $5 pledge on any of these you can see updates a week early and for $10 you can see all of my 50+ EXCLUSIVE stories only available to subscribers. The money I get goes to paying bills and putting food on the table so I appreciate all of my subscribers and would appreciate anyone who might be interested in supporting me to check out my subscription sites ❤️ https://subscribestar.adult/elfy https://reamstories.com/elfy --- Emmy walked into a pharmacy after ducking down to make sure she didn’t hit her head on the doorframe. Daniel gasped as the bending motion stimulated his diaper area, the soreness was becoming a real problem but despite that his dick was reluctantly swelling again. He didn’t feel like he had anything left to give. “We just need to get a few things for you.” Emmy said. She spoke like a mother talking to their baby, talking just to fill silence and not expecting any kind of response. Daniel’s arms and legs swung uselessly in the air as Emmy picked up a basket from just inside the sliding door and began walking down the aisles. Daniel was desperate to distract himself from what was happening in his diaper and he silently watched what his cousin was picking up with increasing alarm. “Wipes… powder… ooh, we need some bags for the diaper pail.” Emmy said as she slowly walked down the aisle and placed these items in her basket. Daniel could only watch with a growing sense of dread. This very much didn’t seem like it was meant as a short-term thing. He was alarmed but as drool dripped from the pacifier he couldn’t do anything to either escape or help himself. As he was relentlessly pleasured he was nothing but a spectator to his future. “And, of course, we’ll need plenty of diapers.” Emmy said as she faced the wall that had shelves filled with diapers from floor to ceiling. Emmy placed one pack of diapers that appeared to be the same brand as the one Daniel was wearing into the cart. She paused for a second and then took a second packet as well. Daniel groaned as the vibrator seemed to pick up again, his junk felt bruised but was still reacting despite him wishing it wouldn’t. He saw the two packs of diapers in the basket and now knew for certain that Emmy wasn’t going to let him leave. If he was truly just visiting his cousin for a short trip she wouldn’t need this many. Daniel’s heart hammered and he felt as if he were hyperventilating. Emmy now walked over to the counter where an older woman was standing behind a cash register. She smiled at Emmy as the latter put her items on the counter to be rung up. Daniel couldn’t understand why this woman wasn’t making a big deal about him. Regardless, he saw this as maybe his best chance to escape. Without another moment of hesitation he spat out the pacifier, it fell and bounced at the end of the ribbon slightly. “Ewp ee!” Daniel tried his absolute hardest to get his mouth to work, “Ee ewp!” Daniel stared at the cashier trying to desperately make her understand what he knew was incomprehensible gibberish. The woman in front of him gave a confused half-smile. Daniel knew he had failed as he felt Emmy shifting slightly, quite suddenly he felt the vibrations around his balls skyrocket. Daniel moaned helplessly and as Emmy shoved his pacifier back into his mouth he came yet again. With a grimace of pain he felt a very small amount of semen pulse out of his cock and drip into the little reservoir at the end of the toy wrapped around his dick. As Daniel leaned forwards and bucked his hips Emmy reached around and picked up the pacifier and slipped it back into Daniel’s mouth. “You’ll have to excuse the little one.” Emmy said with a sigh. The woman behind the counter slowly nodded her head with the uncomprehending smile remaining etched on to her face. She finished ringing up the items and took Emmy’s card when it came to paying. Daniel wanted to cry as the vibrations mercifully relented a little. He was quite sure that after this he would never want to cum again. With everything bagged up Emmy turned around causing Daniels limbs to sway in the air. He was just limp and exhausted as they left the store. Daniel knew for certain now that if he couldn’t escape this crazy woman he would never get to go home again. Emmy walked back out into the sun and Daniel blushed red as he looked around and saw that most people were staring his way again. He looked down and tried to pretend he really was a baby because then this wouldn’t be half as embarrassing as it was for him right then. He was almost grateful to Emmy when she started striding away from the strip mall and back towards her house. It occurred to Daniel that Emmy was probably not all that fazed by stares, she probably got them a lot thanks to her height. Daniel was covered in sweat as they walked home. The heat, the humiliation, the exertions of constant orgasms; it had all coalesced to exhaust Daniel who felt utterly defeated in that moment. He would never be able to escape Emmy if he couldn’t regain some strength. He needed to rest before he tried anything. “I think you’ve had enough fun with your toy.” Emmy said as they neared her large house. Finally Daniel could feel the vibrations taper off and then die completely. After the multiple orgasms it was a godsend to finally have the incessant stimulation stop. Relaxing brought a whole different problem though and as he no longer worried about orgasms his brain refocused to concentrate on his overfull bladder. Daniel barely tried to hold back as his body told him it needed to release. He shivered as he felt a very different warm liquid pour out of him than had been happening on the “walk.” It shot into the pocket pussy and, finding nowhere to go, poured backwards to escape the plastic and enter the disposable. He could feel the urine gushing out of him and swirling around the tightly-taped confines of his padding. The material absorbed everything and expanded as it filled with his pee. He could barely repress a relaxed shudder when the stream trickled to a halt. He had thoroughly soaked himself. Daniel wasn’t sure if Emmy knew what he had done but she reached around with both her hands and cupped the harness underneath Daniel’s crotch. Daniel tried shaking his head but pinned between the large breasts as he was he didn’t have a lot of movement. “Your hair tickles me when you do that!” Emmy giggled. Daniel pouted darkly behind his pacifier. As if not content to just humiliate him Emmy seemed to want to make sure he knew she was having a great time. At least they were nearly back within the privacy of the house. As soon as the door closed Daniel let out a deep breath. He felt Emmy fiddling with something before he was slowly lowered to the floor. Knowing the rules he immediately dropped on to his hands and knees. He hated how compliant he was but as the door was closed he knew biding his time was his only option. He turned over and sat on the warm padding around his butt. He almost gasped at what he saw. “I’m just going to make you a bottle and then I’ll put you down for your nap.” Emmy said as she carefully went around Daniel and down the corridor. Daniel could hardly dare to believe what he was seeing. At the top of the front door the bolt that had foiled his earlier escape attempt remained unlocked. His pulse quickened as he realised his chance may have arrived. He was sorely tempted to lunge for the door and try to get out right then and there but he had to be patient. He would have more time to get away at night. Daniel was shocked as she was scooped up from behind. Emmy sat Daniel on her hip as she started up the stairs. It was all Daniel could do to not stare at the chance for freedom and risk alerting Emmy to her mistake. He sucked on his pacifier and heard the loud noise that caused Emmy to smile at him. The pair went into the bedroom and straight to the changing table. Daniel was laid down and stared up at the ceiling as Emmy started pulling out a new diaper, he didn’t care how humiliating this was because his thoughts were already focusing on a plan for that night. The front of Daniel’s diaper came down revealing the sex toys inside still buzzing away at a low level. “I think you can get one more release.” Emmy said as she prodded the pink plastic that wrapped around Daniel’s manhood. “No…” Daniel moaned around the mouth-filling teat of his pacifier but it was already too late. Daniel closed his eyes as he felt the vibrations growing in intensity again. There was almost no pleasure now as his aching penis slowly grew, it was a pathetic effort as the tired organ could only achieve a small proportion of it’s usual hardness. “Such a good boy.” Emmy said quietly as she watched in fascination. Even without the diaper the toys were doing their jobs and every small movement rubbed Daniel’s sensitive skin against the ridged inside of the plastic pocket pussy. It was impossible to lay still with the vibrations on his testicles so he was in a state of constant stimulation. Daniel writhed on the table with little grunts and gasps around the soother that he was biting down on. When Daniel opened his eyes he saw Emmy watching him as if fascinated by what she was seeing. She was leaning on the edge of the table and watching Daniel’s straining private parts like a curious spectator at some event. Daniel didn’t want to perform for her but he didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter as he continued to twist and turn. The vibrations seemed to pulse through Daniel’s skin and went straight down to his core. “Ma… ma…” Daniel was trying to say “make it stop” but the numbing and pleasure cut his words short. “Silly baby, I’m not your mommy.” Emmy paused with the widest Cheshire cat grin on her face as she leaned in closer, “I’m your big sister.” Daniel was too distracted to even be shocked. He wasn’t even sure if he was surprised by what Emmy said, in his mind she had gone completely crazy. His hips were bucking around on the table as he felt compelled to thrust into the fake vagina. He had no desire to orgasm again but he was going to do it regardless, he could feel the pressure building in the base of his dick. Daniel moaned desperately as his poor cock started painfully twitching. He could only wince and move his hands down to the plastic toys as he spurted a final watery load into the reservoir inside the toy. It was with relief that he felt the vibrations slowly die away. He stopped moving and laid flat against the padded surface as sweat beaded on his skin. He had nothing left to offer as Emmy patted him on the head. “What a good baby.” Emmy said softly, “Making so many milkies for me.” Daniel just closed his eyes and looked away as he breathed hard. It was a profound relief to feel Emmy’s long fingers finally unlocking the toys and pulling them off him. He didn’t want to look down at his crotch, it felt bruised and battered as if someone had repeatedly been kicking him there. If he had looked down he would’ve seen Emmy taking a baby bottle from the shelf and opening the pocket pussy to let the cum inside drip into it. Daniel jumped when cold baby wipes were pressed against his skin. He winced and whined as they wiped his aching genitals. Emmy cooed softly to him as he grimaced. His legs were lifted so that his rear could be quickly wiped and then the diaper was pulled away. Daniel’s legs were held in the air as a fresh diaper was slipped underneath him, he didn’t complain and just wanted this over with so he could rest. The trip out had drained him in more ways than one. “Alright, baby, not long and you can have a nice little nap.” Emmy said as if sensing her cousin’s tiredness. “Not a baby…” Daniel muttered but he didn’t even open his eyes as he did so. The new diaper was pulled up between Daniel’s legs and taped closed. Having his junk free inside the diaper felt strange after having toys locked on them for so long. He was lifted up once the diaper was taped on and carried across the room to the crib. He was laid down gently and looked up at Emmy with sleepy eyes. “I’ll fill your bottle.” Emmy said as she ruffled Daniel’s hair. It said a lot about how tired Daniel was that the side of the crib was left down when Emmy left the room but he didn’t try to get out. He wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere anyway as the bedroom door was closed. Emmy was back a minute later with a bottle full of milk. “Come over here for your milkies.” Emmy said as she sat on the edge of the mattress. When Daniel didn’t move Emmy scooped him up and laid him across her lap. The pacifier was plucked out from between his lips and the tip of the bottle immediately replaced it. Daniel reflexively sucked, his memories of previous bottles and meal times meant he didn’t want to resist and spend even longer in these embarrassing positions than he had to. The milk had a distinctly strange taste to it. He frowned wondering if it was going sour or something but he had tasted out of date milk before and it wasn’t like this. As he suckled on the bottle and swallowed the milk he tried to place what was wrong his mind turned back to what Emmy had said. “Come over here for your milkies.” Daniel stopped sucking on the bottle as his eyes widened with dawning realisation. Emmy had used the word “milkies” before, in fact she had used it only minutes before when Daniel had been on the changing table helplessly cumming into the pocket pussy. She had used it to refer to his semen… A look of revulsion came across Daniel’s face as the source of the strange taste became clear to him. He tried to pull his head away from the bottle but Emmy’s grip was too strong and the latex teat remained firmly between Daniel’s lips. He could do nothing to stop Emmy from feeding him this bottle no matter what was in it and after a minute of fruitless fighting he ran out of energy and started quietly suckling on the bottle again. Daniel wasn’t given any reprieve until he had drunk the last few drops of milk. The bottle was big so, as well as the knowledge that he had swallowed his own ejaculate, he felt completely full d gross. He was grateful when Emmy placed him back down in the crib and raised the side. The pacifier which had only recently left his mouth was pressed back between his lips. “Have a nice nap.” Emmy said softly, “You’ve been a good boy.” Daniel’s eyelids were heavy but he battled to stay conscious. He wanted to scheme and plan for his breakout attempt but he was so tired. After a couple of minutes of almost drifting off he could no longer fight back against the sleep that was clouding his mind. He gave up and fell into a deep sleep. --- You can find out what happens next RIGHT NOW on my subscription pages: https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1179951 https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/lplyuiwxy1/chapter/993794e4-a495-41fe-8035-bb102675aaf2

I experienced something similar I suspect but in miniature when I first encountered irrefutable evidence that I had reverted to bed-wetting. It was powerful alloy of shock and awe. The strangest thing of all was my own equanimity at the realisation that wearing a nappy to bed was something I now HAD to do rather than could CHOOSE to do. I suddenly had insight that at some level, incontinence was "ok", even desired. Of course things didn't progress as quickly or as far as I had anticipated. I still have "dry" nights but of course, I don't know which ones they are going to be so it's nappies every night regardless. During the daytime I have dependence but not incontinence. Speaking of bed wetting (as you will have instantly graduated to this), as others have said, I suspect you may have to ramp up your protection to include some some kind of absorbent diaper cover. My experience has been that adult disposable diapers really aren't reliable for sleep-wetting and I am regularly cashing in on my absorbent diaper cover insurance policy. I use the terry-lined "Kins" plastic pants which work well but the Protec briefs that @mark686 mentioned look interesting and are vastly less infantile in appearance and may not need any covering garment (ie: they could pass for pyjama pants).

Hey I have been keeping up with it, following the thread, IT"S SOO cool your there.

The truth is we have all fallen short in our sin, but it’s Gods grace in which we are saved, not one of us is perfect So very sorry this happened I hope you will still find peace and know God loves you

You’ll definitely be able to do activities as you want to do them as you get over any embarrassment or hesitations of being diapered. After years of being diapered 24/7, life goes on for me. I have a diaper bag or spare diaper with me at all times and that’s about all that I need. The embarrassment is gone as I need the diapers now. I’ve learned how many on average that I go through and I plan for it. So don’t sweat that you won’t be able to do what you want to do. With both sphincters and prostate gone, I’m sure you are incontinent now:). I have 2 of the 3 and not the external removed and the bladder is overactive. The external sphincter just can’t hold it now. I’ve just learned to embrace the diapers or I would be peeing every 15-60 minutes with little notice to go.

Don't limit yourself... While I'm not incontinent, I have tried to live as an incontinent guy for different periods of time. For example, for several years, I have been taking my vacations stented and diapered for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. During these times, I have gone skiing, whitewater rafting, hiking, zip-lining, horseback riding, atv riding, biking, and some boring stuff too. So just because you'll be diapered, doesn't mean you will have to sit at home.

@Kawaharu I agree: For 46 years, I was continent, and I was able to handle most situations, and get to the potty almost every time, but in 2018-2019, I started having problems with fecal incontinence, and I was having accidents, and I was unable to know right off that i needed to go, and so there were many times where I would FEEL the need, and then the next thing I do is grab the arms of my recliner, and I couldn't even get UP or THINK about it, because i'd already done it. In 2020, I made the decission to go 24/7, and that has helped me a lot: being disabled, using a wheelchair, and having mobility problems, I was NOT as FAST as I was, and I had almost fallen a few times trying to be Superman to get to the bathroom, then, I ended up spending most of the night in the bathroom, and I was losing sleep, and that was NO GOOD. Wearing diapers is a choice. For those that ARE incontinent, and make the choice that they want to use them to deal with their condition, they become a NECESSITY: In my case, my situation was impacting my sleep, my health, and my mobility, and I knew that I needed help, and so I asked the doctor. Because I knew of DD, I had a way to get help in learning how to deal with it, and also was able to get support, which I needed, because I thought it was strange, weird, crazy, etc., to wear diapers, but I knew that i needed them, and after talking to trusted members like @Evelyn Dellcerroand her wife @Transfusionelle, and others, they taught me that there is nothing wrong with wearing/using/liking diapers, and soon it was something that I was accepting as my new reality, and I then learned that I, after being diagnosed incontinent, could then wear diapers legitimately, and not be afraid of it because I NEED them, and now, they help me with my stress and allow me to "give in, and let it happen" when it happens. I have also talked to others who say that it is something that is necessary, and they do it without even thinking about it, and those that have incontinence just use the diaper and change it: I will never forget @~ashley~ telling me that her incontinence was due to her "plumbing being broken downstairs" and that she doesn't even FEEL it happen most times, but she knows when she has a wet/dirty diaper, and she has always been that way. You WILL use the diaper, you just don't know WHEN or WHERE. When you are incontinent, you do what you have to do, and it becomes the norm, just like my Cerebral Palsy: I don't know anything else, because that is what i deal with, that's what I live with - It is "Normal" for me to do things with my wheelchair and other devices, just as it is "normal for @~ashley~and @Kawaharu and I to wear and use them: The difference: Ashley and I are NOT AB's, while @Kawaharu is 24/7 AB, living that lifestyle because with her disabilities, that is the way she deals with being incontinent, and her mom "reinforces" that AB behavior. Others wear diapers because of Physiological/Psychological/Emotional/Comfort reasons: some wear because they like to wear, like the feel, or the security that they provide. There are also people such as @rusty pins that wear when they can, because they like to do it, but they only do it when their husband/wife/gf/bf are out of the house, Each situation is UNIQUE, and I support EACH person who decides to wear diapers, whether they use them or not, as each of us do it to help ourselves. Whatever you decide, as long as it is done in the proper way, diapers are helpful and not harmful, unless they somehow take control of your life, and they become an obsession, where you CAN'T stop doing it, and it is harming your ability to function in life, whether it be in adult mode, or in AB/DL mode I believe that the LONGER you wear and use the diapers, and your body gets used to using them, your body and your brain are used to doing that, and EVENTUALLY your body will just release whatever it is holding, because it gets used to equating a release with having a diaper on to receive the urine or fecal matter: after a longer period, you won't be able to take off a diaper and leaving it off, because your body learns to release both ways when you need to, and sometimes, you may NOT have a diaper on, so you then learn that you have to be IN the diaper or ON the diaper when changing, in case you release unintentionally, but then you would not have control after many years of doing this. Brian

Don’t let regret get a toehold in your mind as no good can come from it now. I’ve been in nappies for 5 years. You’d be amazed what you CAN get done in them when you put your mind to it. It needs a little more planning and sometimes it's less convenient but mostly where there's a will there's a way.

Same in Illinois, although not every municipality has a sales tax. Although I just went to buy a new mattress and the site wanted to charge me sales tax based upon my zip code. The village has a sales tax, but I don't live within its limits. I got it cheaper, no tax or shipping, from Amazon.

It's out!!! And that's the end of my countdowns. Surgery - done 2/12 Catheter out - done 2/17 It is an immense relief to have the catheter out. It feels like the source of all the pain is totally gone. I just lowered my pants, still laying on the bed, and she took multiple trips of drawing and emptying the fluid from the balloon, and then it was ready to come out. She gently pulled and it started coming out, it wasn't stuck at all, and came out quickly. There was no worse pain than having the catheter in, in the first place. I still feel the pain/irritation but I can feel that it is out so there is a relief feeling all over inside. She placed a small cloth/tissue on my tip since she said there might be discharge (not bleeding). She said to let her know when I first was able to pee. She said there might be burning the first time. But while she said that a small pool of pee came out and wet my pants. Another one happened before she left. I had no sensation of peeing, I still only have the sensation from the catheter, I only felt the wetness on my skin. I will have to let her know that I peed immediately. I raced to get a diaper on as soon as she left (it feels amazing to be able to jump up quickly and do that). And now... I'll just see how the diaper feels after a while.

Oh the suspense!! I'm sitting on the edge of my seat! (Which is a good way to rip a disposable diaper... ) 😆

Seventy I’m an only child. There are times when I think that it’s not a very significant detail in my biography, but I would say that there are even more times when I think it’s the root of every problem I’ve ever had in my entire life. My childhood friend, Brett, had two older brothers. They didn’t always get along–in fact, I’m not sure that there was ever a time that I saw them in the same room at the same time when they weren’t pummeling each other with playful punches or giving each other wet-willies and wedgies. But almost every story Brett ever told me started with: “My brother showed me this thing where…” or “My brother has this really cool thing that…” It was like friendship that was built into your life. You were just born into it, no effort needed. You were never alone. Someone would always have your back, if it came down to it. I had none of that. My father passed away when I was young. And my mother… I really need to call her at some point. My mother wasn’t the same thing as a sibling. She was an authoritarian, not a friend. But then Lyndie had said something to me a while ago–a long while ago, I think. She said: “There’s the family you’re born with, and the family you create for yourself, Clarky. I’m proud to have you as part of mine.” In hindsight, I thought it was one of the best things that anyone had ever said to me. I really needed to hear that. And so there was Lyndie, standing in Mommy’s kitchen. My sister. I was always excited to spend more time with her. “And you’re fine if I take Clark out for a little field trip, right?” she was asking Mommy. “I have no objection to that,” Mommy shrugged. “Just remember to bring the diaper bag.” Lyndie laughed. “Obviously.” And that was that. Mommy grabbed her briefcase and suitcase, kissed me on the forehead, and was out the door–off to Atlanta for the night. “So how’ve you been?” Lyndie asked after Mommy’s car had left the driveway. She had asked a similar question when she first arrived at the house, but it felt like an entirely different one now that it was just her and I. “I’ve been good,” I said, scratching my head. “I’ve been, uh…I don’t know.” She laughed. “What’s wrong?” “Oh, you know how it is,” I shrugged. “Just a little identity crisis.” “Is that all?” Lyndie snorted. “I have those every other day.” “Are you being sarcastic?” It was a silly question to ask, but the last few months had done some weird things to my ability to pick up on social cues. “No, I’m actually being serious,” she said. “I think that’s just what this stage of our life is all about–trying to figure out who we are, and second-guessing ourselves everytime we think we’ve figured it out.” “Yeah, but you’re trying to figure out your career,” I said. “I’m trying to figure out if I want to be potty trained again.” She laughed, though I was unsure if it was because she agreed, or because it was just a funny thing to have heard me say. “I’m sorry,” I quickly added. “I…I didn’t mean to minimize anything that you’re struggling with.” “Never change, Clarky,” she sighed. “You’re so adorable.” She helped herself to some of the coffee that Mommy had left in the pot in the kitchen–I knew better than to ask her to pour some for me too–and went to have a seat in the living room. I waddled behind her, plopping myself and my diaper down on the opposite side of the couch. “You said, uhm, something about a field trip?” “Oh right!” her eyes lit up. “I was talking to Ava the other night, and she mentioned that you and her were talking about going to the pizza place over by your old apartment.” “Yeah, we talked about that…” “She thought it’d be nice if we got the old gang back together there. Tonight.” “Oh. Uhm…cool!” It did sound fun, but it also didn’t sound like what Ava and I had talked about. We had talked about something that seemed a lot like a date–we had even joked about that. “I texted Evan too,” she said. “He’s going to meet us there.” It was becoming less and less date-like by the second. What next? She was going to reveal that Thomas Pritchard would be dropping by too? “That sounds great,” I nodded, hoping I sounded convincing enough. I had no problem hanging out with Evan. I liked Evan. I missed Evan–yet another casualty of my complete immersion into the world of being Mommy’s little baby. But now the evening was starting to sound like it was going to be a whole production. Three people who had, in one way or another, moved on in their lives–hanging out with the guy who had somehow managed to move backwards. All the way back. “Maybe I should’ve asked you before I made these plans,” Lyndie said, likely reading the expression on my face–she could, still, see through me better than almost anyone else. “No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “It actually sounds really fun. And I think it’s actually the kind of thing I need right now.” “Oh yeah?” “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…” “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” I had this little moment of nostalgic bliss–recalling the time spent in The Closet with her back at the office, and how she used to tease me all the time. It was so…sisterly. “Uh, no. But…” I had to backtrack for a moment to remember what it was I wanted to say. “Oh, so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About, you know, how it might be time to move on from all this.” “Yeah? Have you talked to Gabby about it yet?” “No… I mean, I know I have to, at some point. I’m not sure I’m ready for that conversation yet.” “Well, see? Tonight will be good for you, then. Get out of the house! See some old friends. Eat greasy food and drink beer like you used to.” I was pretty sure that a slice of pizza and a beer would destroy a diaper–but hopefully by the time that happened, I’d be far away from everyone else. I sighed, expelling the last of my doubts. “You know what? You’re absolutely right. I’m looking forward to that.” Hell, just talking about going out and being social made me feel a little older. A little more mature. “Alright, good,” she said. “Now then. Let’s check your diaper.” And I was immediately reminded of how I was still a baby. My feelings for the evening seemed to fluctuate every few minutes for the rest of the day. I’d have moments where I felt really good about it, and where I’d feel excited about seeing all my friends in one place. Then, I’d suddenly imagine myself loudly filling the back of my diaper, reminding everyone that I wasn’t like them. Maybe they’d all laugh loudly, pointing at me and calling me a stupid little baby. Or, even worse, they’d try and be nice to me about it, all while giving each other these glances that said: “He’s not really like us anymore. We’ve all grown up, and he hasn’t.” Back and forth. All day. “You’ve got to get out of your head,” Lyndie said as she drove through the city that evening. A car was a more recent development in Lyndie’s life, and a concept I hadn’t gotten used to yet. “It’s going to be a good time.” “I just feel like a fake,” I shrugged. “Like I’m a little boy wearing an adult’s clothes.” “Aw,” she cooed. “But isn’t that always so adorable?” “You’re not helping.” “I get why you’d feel that way,” she said. “But we’re your friends. Nobody is going to think you’re an imposter.” “But you’ll see me as a baby.” “Well, yeah. But, Clarky, you’re literally wearing a diaper and your diaper bag is in the backseat. I’m not sure what else you’d expect people to see.” My cheeks warmed a bit as I stared out the passenger side window. She was teasing, but she hadn’t been wrong. Perhaps I was looking at the situation the wrong way, I thought. My friends could see whatever version of me that they wanted, and it didn’t matter–what mattered was that they were my friends and they wanted to see me. And, too, if I was ever going to successfully ‘grow up,’ I needed to take…well, baby steps. The old neighborhood. Absolutely nothing had changed–not that I thought it would. It’s probably looked mostly the same for the last twenty years. Twenty years in the future, it might still look mostly the same. I liked getting those Mexican sodas at that corner store. There was good Chinese food at that place over there. There was a nice park just beyond that street light where you could usually find a bunch of kids playing soccer. Listen to me, I sound like I’ve been gone for years and not months. There was the building I used to live in. My old apartment was somewhere in there. And that’s not all there was. There was that girl–Lauren–who saw me spill my dirty diapers everywhere. And that older woman, her name escaped me now, who had seen me with my pants down in the elevator. I’d say that Toretti’s was exactly the same too, but I think I was only ever inside of it once or twice–we always had pizza delivered. It was clean enough, I supposed, though everything seemed well-worn and aged. Well loved, some might say. Honestly, it was the kind of environment that seemed fitting for an institution like this. It was the kind of thing you wanted to see when you walked into a pizza shop. You just knew that you could trust a place like this–there’s a reason it’s been around long enough to get worn down. “Alright,” Lyndie said as got out of the car in a small lot behind the pizza place. “I should probably ask before we go in there: How’s that diaper doing?” “A little wet.” “Just a little?” I sighed. “P-pretty sure, yeah. I think it’ll hold up for a bit.” “Make sure you grab your diaper bag,” she said. “Just in case.” Evan and Ava were already at a table when Lyndie and I came through the door. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me until I saw him at the table: “Evan, you’re…outside? In public?” He stood and approached me, giving me a big hug. Another thing that I couldn’t remember the agoraphobic roommate of mine doing before. “I’m not going to say I’m a different man,” Evan shrugged. “But I’m working on it.” “Was Clark holding you back?” Lyndie teased. “When he moved out, were you like ‘Oh, I can finally start living?’” He chuckled and took his seat again. “Sort of. No offense to you, Clark.” “Uh…none taken.” “I mean, I can’t afford the place on my own, so I had to get another roommate. But to do that, I felt like I needed to start making some changes in my life.” “He’s going to therapy,” Lyndie said. “Cool, right?” “I guess,” I shrugged. Therapy was good, I thought. Or so I had been told. Was therapy cool? “I, for one, am very proud of him,” Ava said. I still couldn’t get over how good she looked. Not better, per se. Just different. She suddenly looked like the most mature person at the table. “You have a new roommate now?” I asked. I think I had heard as much a while ago, but I didn’t know any more than that. “Marshall,” Evan said. “Really nice guy. Grad school student, actually. I don’t see him that much–he’s always always pretty busy with school stuff.” A natural rhythm soon fell over the table, like we had never missed a beat. Well, maybe not ‘we’–I still felt like the odd man out. I was talking and laughing too, they were certainly being inclusive; but I felt out of step. I got the sense that they all stayed in touch–even with Evan–and they were all up to date on each other’s lives. Some stories seemed to start in a place that sounded like the middle to me–as if the first part had been told when I wasn’t around. I tried not to let it upset me. Such was the cost for living my life the way that I had for the last few months. If I wanted to be a part of this group again, I only needed to insert myself. The pizza was as good as it had ever been. Only once, maybe twice, had I had pizza since going to live with Mommy. It was around, from time to time, but she wasn’t a fan of feeding me ‘adult’ food. Only on rare occasions–perhaps when she was just feeling a little lazy–did she let me have some. But that wasn’t this pizza. It was the right amount of grease and cheese. The crust was somewhere between crispy and soft. There were those pillowy dough bubbles near the crust that I loved biting into. I–or whoever would be changing my diaper later–would regret this at some point. But it’d be worth it. “Has anyone heard from him?” Ava asked. I had blinked, and seemingly missed the topic of the current conversation. “If he knew what was good for him, he probably left town,” Evan said. “I actually reached out to him a few weeks ago,” Lyndie said. “I was kind of hesitant too. I was afraid, like, he’d hate me or something.” “It wasn’t your fault he acted like an idiot,” Ava said, talking while chewing. Ah, we were talking about Thomas Pritchard. “I know, I know. But I can’t help but think that I hadn’t been careful enough. I should’ve gotten to know him better before I let him in on what was going on.” “You thought you were doing the right thing,” I chimed in. “The fact that you were doing anything at all to try and protect everyone says everything that I need to know.” Everyone nodded, seeming to agree with that. “Wait, you said you reached out to him?” Ava asked. “Did he talk to you?” “Briefly,” Lyndie answered. “He said he was moving, yeah.” “Where to?” Evan asked. Lyndie laughed. “You know, he said something about moving to this, uh, farming community out west? The way he described it, I swore it sounded like a cult.” “Yeah, that makes sense to me,” Ava nodded. “That guy would go join a cult.” “Bradley moved too,” Lyndie said. “Crazy how quickly things change, right?” Ava said. “What about, uh, Megan?” I asked. “Has anyone heard from her?” “If anyone would’ve heard from her,” Lyndie said, “I thought it’d have been you. You were closer to her than anyone else.” I frowned. Another relationship dashed by my infantile sabbatical. “I heard she’s doing good for herself, though,” Lyndie shrugged. “She still works at the office, but she’s not Mr. Yang’s assistant anymore. I think she’s got a pretty nice position for herself.” I owed her a call, I thought. And my mother too. The table vibrated, and I looked across the table to see that the screen of Ava’s phone, sitting next to her plate of partially-consumed pizza, had lit up. Ava picked up the phone and read whatever message she received and sighed. She didn’t seem mad about the message, but it looked as if there was some sort of concern on her face. “So…you guys can say no,” she said to everyone. “But I got a text message from my friend from work. Caleb. He’s in the area and asked what I was doing tonight. I can just tell him I’m busy, but…” I saw Lyndie’s eyes slightly shift towards me, trying to see how I was reacting to this. I hadn’t told her about Caleb, though I meant to. “If he’s close,” I said, “you should just have him come by. Seems silly not to. We’ve got plenty of pizza here if he wants some.” “Are you sure?” Ava asked. “Of course,” I said, shrugging like it wasn’t even close to a big deal. “Cool, I’m going to step outside for a minute and let him know where we are. I think he’s close enough that I can just wait to meet him out there.” Within milliseconds of Ava stepping away from the table, Evan and Lyndie were both staring at me–looking like they were each doing a deep analysis of my face. “You sure about that?” Lyndie asked. “Yeah, don’t you like her? And she’s inviting over another guy?” I sighed. “What else am I supposed to do? She thinks I’m happy in baby-land and that I’m not interested in a relationship right now. And, you know, she’s had months to go and meet other guys. Like Caleb. I guess.” “You knew about Caleb?” Lyndie asked. “Did you?” I asked back. “Well…uh…” I laughed. “He’s been at your apartment, hasn’t he?” “She’s had him over. We’ve hung out a few times.” “You didn’t tell me that…” But I knew why she hadn’t, and I certainly wasn’t going to hold it against her. My big sister, looking out for her baby brother’s heart. “Look,” Lyndie said. “They’re not dating. I don’t think they’ve even kissed. You can’t get yourself all worked up about it. You’ve got plenty of time to…” “No, no,” I said, sighing. “If something is going on between her and Caleb, I’m not going to get in the way of that. I’m going to be cool. Cool as a cucumber.” “That’s something that cool people always say,” Evan said, the sarcasm dripping from his words. “No, seriously,” I countered. “This is good. This is okay. I made my decision to move in with Mommy–er, Ms. Heller–a few months ago, and I can’t expect everyone else to put their lives on hold for me. And it’s not like I’m in any shape to date anyone right now anyway.” “Even if they’d change your diapers for you?” Lyndie teased. My face warmed and I sighed again. “Well, I doubt Caleb wears diapers.” “He doesn’t,” Lyndie said. Now, Evan and I were staring at her. “I didn’t, like, ask him to take off his pants,” she laughed. “But I’ve seen enough men in diapers to know a bulge when I see one.” “It’s all good,” I said again, though I knew I was mostly trying to reassure myself. “How’s your diaper doing?” Lyndie asked. I heard Evan snorting from his side of the table. “F-fine…” “Just sayin’. You don’t want a leaky diaper when Caleb shows up.” “M-maybe I’ll go and, uh, change real quick.” “We can go back to my car,” Lyndie said. “I can change you there.” “No way. In the middle of the parking lot?” “The apartment isn’t too far away,” Evan shrugged. “But, uh, Marshall might be there.” “Look, it’s fine,” I said, picking up my diaper bag–a simple black book bag loaded with the essential supplies for a big baby on the go. “I’ll just go to the restroom here and do it myself.” “Mommy wouldn’t approve,” Lyndie said. “You’re not going to tell her, are you?” Lyndie giggled. “You do remember that you’re technically an adult, right? You can do whatever the hell you want to do.” “Fair enough. I’ll, uh, be right back.” I waddled away from the table and down the narrow hall where a humming neon sign pointed in the direction of the restrooms. The further I got from the dining area, the worse everything looked. It was a little dirtier back here. A little darker. So dark, in fact, that I almost ran into someone who was coming out of one of the doors that went into the kitchen. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I said. “Almost ran you over there.” “No worries,” the person said, a familiar-ish female voice. “I probably should’ve looked before I…” In the dim light, we could see just enough of each other’s face to recognize the other. “Pizza Girl,” I said aloud. “Diaper Boy,” she said aloud. My eyes widened at this. Is that what she called me? We both laughed, an awkward chuckle. “Shit,” she finally said. “I didn’t think you lived around here anymore. When I deliver pizza to your place, you’re not there.” “Ah, yeah,” I said, running my hand through my hair. “I moved a little bit ago.” “That’s a shame,” she said. “I mean…not for you. I’m sure you had good reasons for moving.” “Well, I, uh…” I wasn’t really sure how to explain that to her. But I also knew that I didn’t have any obligation to. This might have been the most that we ever talked to each other. I didn’t even know her name. I looked back down the corridor I had been traversering in search of a bathroom, and saw that Ava was coming through the door, towing a man behind her by his wrist. He was tall. Dark hair. Glasses. He was introducing himself to Evan and hugging Lyndie. “S-sorry,” I said, turning back to Pizza Girl. “Got distracted there for a second. Yeah, I moved just outside of town. It’s a nice place.” “Good,” she said. “I’m glad to hear that.” “How have you been?” She shrugged. “Oh, you know. Schlepping pizza around the neighborhood. So it goes.” Back at the table, another chair had been pulled up to the table, right between Ava’s and Lyndie’s, and Caleb was taking a seat, saying something that made everyone else laugh. “So,” Pizza Girl shrugged. “You still, uh, doing your diaper thing?” My instinct was to panic, run away, and hide in the bathroom for a while. But, I thought I might try something different instead. “Funny you should mention that. I was actually just headed over to the bathroom to, uh, take care of that.” To my surprise, a little grin appeared between Pizza Girl’s pink cheeks. “Good.” “Good?” “Well, uh…” She laughed and started over again. “Nevermind. Sorry, I should let you go take care of that.” Back at the table, Caleb was talking while Ava had a big smile on her face. “Hey,” I said. “I know this is going to sound totally random–but do you think I could get your number? We could, uh, hang out or something?” “Seriously?” she asked. “I’d love that. One sec.” She stepped back into the kitchen, reemerging moments later with a piece of scrap paper and a permanent marker. She quickly scrawled something down on it, folded it in half, and pushed it into my hands. “Thank you,” I said. “You better call me,” she said. “Or text. Whatever.” “I will,” I replied. I wasn’t any good at keeping in touch with anyone–Megan and my mother could both attest to that. But Pizza Girl didn’t have to know that. “Gotta deliver some pizza to stoners,” she shrugged. “It was good seeing you.” “Yeah,” I said, smiling. “Same.” We parted ways, and I quickly darted into the restroom–a rather scuzzy unisex space that probably would’ve killed my appetite if I had come in here before eating pizza. Thankfully, I didn’t have to sit on the toilet–I just had to change my diaper. But first, I opened up the piece of paper Pizza Girl had given me. It was, in fact, her phone number. And a message. If you wear your diaper, I’ll wear mine. – Paige

Hey everyone! Completely slipped my mind in the moment, but the last chapter hit the over halfway point in this story, so yay! Everything is still on track to be completed and the story is still holding at 19 chapters. I was also trying to post this earlier, but it ended up being one of the longer chapters so far, and that was even with me cutting out one storyline from it (don’t worry, I’ve placed it elsewhere where it still makes sense). Next, I hope everyone had a good Valentines/Single Awareness Day. I was originally thinking of writing the last chapter about a love connection with Percy to commemorate the holiday, but then I realized that didn’t quite fit into this story very well. So, I hope everyone enjoyed the regression bit I chose to do instead. Also, as a warning, I dip a little into something that could be a smidge controversial to some, at least geopolitically speaking. I honestly chose a country at random I had seen in the news that wasn’t completely current, but I just wanted to put that warning in here. There is a reason for all of it, but with everything going on, I felt that popping a warning in here was just the right thing to do. Anyways, even given all that, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter as well! Chapter 11: A No-Go Zone Oh, sweet merciful music of monsters and mudslides! I had gone to a party school, so I knew my share of hangovers, but when I awoke the next morning, after passing out in Samantha’s arms with Nurple on the couch at the party, my head felt like it had been sloppily cleaved into two. Everything was so clear, and so bright and complex. I felt like someone had switched my world from a 1960’s TV at best to the latest and greatest plasma HD TV in the span of five minutes. It was not a pleasant wake-up. Fortunately, the feeling didn’t last past breakfast, but it was just enough for me to label it a terrible morning overall. Unfortunately, though, I also seemed to have forgotten mostly everything after walking into the house after Samantha spilled her drink on me, which I now could rationalize was a just a ploy to help me escape with my dignity and with Earth’s secrets mostly still intact from the Bigs there. Actually, about the only thing clear from the rest of the night was Nurple, whom Oppy had allowed me to keep after. Still, Samantha was able to fill in a few gaps, but I also felt like she was leaving little bits out here and there. I could recall just enough to know there was a missing piece, but not so much to know what the missing piece looked like per say. It was terribly annoying, but like all things in this dimension, I learned that I just needed to move on and try to avoid that incident from ever happening again. As such, the family even agreed with me and got together later that day and decided that something was up with the milk. From what I could recall at least, we still weren’t sure who had brought the milk, but the family all agreed to spread the news about the ills of what it could do to any unsuspecting Little. Unfortunately, it seemed to be too late for many. By Monday, the drink had already entered full circulation at the daycare and Samantha had to give specific instructions for me to avoid it all costs at snack time. Other Littles weren’t so lucky, and by the end of the month of July, at least nine other caregivers gave the same instructions for their Littles to avoid the stuff if at all possible. Mrs. Katherine didn’t seem to want to listen, but I rarely saw her while I was there, so I still felt safe while at daycare. It was still yet another example though of how I had to revel in the small victories these days. Fortunately, by the middle of August, things had calmed down a bit and there was almost a spark of excitement in the air as Harriet was about to enter her final semester at the academy. Also, with the busier fall semester coming up, my lecture times would increase as well. I would still go to daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but the rest of my week was even more full than before. In fact, Samantha and I were even giving a personal tour of the academy to prospective students today. “Do we get a Little of our own like you once we graduate?” a particular stern and over eager prospective student asked us both, though clearly directing their question more to Samantha. ‘Great… another one of these people…’ Samantha chuckled a little as she usually did with these types of questions. “A little eager are we?” The Big blushed a bit. “Well, I just watch over Percy here in all honesty. I basically only got him by the skin of my teeth and my situation shouldn’t be considered normal. In fact, my sister bent the rules here a little too much and is being punished by the academy. If you wish to see what to avoid at all costs, be sure to stop by our Bigs nursery on your way out. It’s next to our academy merchandise store.” The Big shuddered a little and retreated into the crowd at the prospect of punishment here. It wasn’t a very well-kept secret by now, and I couldn’t help but smirk a bit at the reaction. We all felt bad for Chelsea, but her effect on prospective and current students was palpable. Judge Hawthorne had even announced that rule breaking was down by at least thirty percent since she had begun her punishment a few months ago. “Now,” I continued, satisfied there weren’t any more questions like that, “as you can see, the new wing of this facility, likely to be dedicated to Earth research, is almost complete.” The new wing, as suggested by Samantha earlier in the year, with my support of course, was to be dedicated to learning more about Earth and us humans living there. The material that I had been sharing had become incredibly popular and about 80% of the new student populace wanted to take Samantha’s and I’s course next semester. “Yes,” Samantha picked up after me, “we are fortunate enough to have our very own Earther here, but it will be up to you all… the next generation to…” She never finished her thought. Suddenly, alarms began sounding off all around the building. Having read through the manual multiple times, it either meant a breach in the dimensional matrix of the fabric of reality… I paused with Samantha and once about a minute had passed and the alarms were still blaring, it was a blessing to see that we were both here. We both then looked at each other with a tremendous sigh of relief. If it had been a breach, we would be the last people we would have ever seen ever in existence. This reality would simply collapse onto itself… almost like it had never existed at all. It was a .01% of happening from messing with the portals… but that was one of the big reasons for the alarm. Now knowing it wasn’t that though, Samantha quickly hurried the prospective students away. “Please! Go to your designated spot as specified on your entrance ticket. It will be in the upper left-hand corner and just stick to that destination for your own safety. Go in groups and stick together!” They all panicked and hurried away from us while a few first-year cleaners led them to where they needed to go. Once the last was gone, Samantha scooped me up and ran into action. Now, normally, if she was following protocol, I would have been deposited at daycare for my own safety but considering that was at least a 20-minute walk away and she didn’t have the time to do herself or trust anyone else enough around here today to do it, we both knew there was only the one option open to us. So, I tagged along. “Hold on, honey! This could get a little rough,” she informed me. I just nodded and clung on close to her as she ran through the hallways while dodging everyone else getting to their own safe destinations. See Samantha, having been to Earth several times through the portals and even having a Little from Earth that wasn’t mentally regressed, gave her a tremendous edge over nearly every other academy member on staff currently. I was sure a few others back on Earth this very minute had more experience or knowledge about Earth, but Samantha was the complete package, and that was just what was needed right now. We then passed through a series of locked and security-guarded doors. “He’s with me, now move!” being uttered by Samantha almost became her mantra after saying it so many times to the armed personnel constantly getting in our way. I didn’t have clearance, but Samantha had fully acknowledged that to them and took full responsibility for me. As soon as she got this emergency position, she even sat me down and laid everything out, so I wasn’t scared… at least not yet. * * * “Now, sweetie… I, uh… we need to talk…” Samantha began after sitting me down on our living room couch. She had just moved out the last of her old grungy furniture that apparently wasn’t advertised as ‘Little safe.’ I was a little incensed about the whole thing, feeling like almost some kind of bubble boy needing specialized furniture, but after feeling the soft new fabric against the back of my thighs after a long day in the park with Melley and DB when it first came in, I silenced any further objections I had to the practice. So, on a day like today with the seriousness in her face, the couch was a tremendous comfort. “I’m listening, Samantha,” I tried to coax her on after she didn’t talk for at least a minute solid. “Is this about your new extra job? Did you get it?” Samantha nodded. “I did… but…” I really wasn’t sure about her current hesitation. At our weekly Sunday dinner with the family two weeks ago, Samantha had been so ecstatic over her new position, but now… the weight of the world seemed to have been heaped upon her shoulders. With Judge Franklin already a mystery in everything since I had seen their intense conversation at the pool last week, I didn’t need yet another mystery floating around in my life. “What is it?” I pressed. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not too bad. We can…” “War…” she finally said plainly. I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly. It was just a single word, but she was an advisor, so ‘war’ seemed a strange word to hear, so, I needed to clarify. “Uh… Samantha? Did you just say…?” “War,” she announced morosely again. “You heard me correctly. War…” I was too stunned to say anything back, but I think the word had started to seep into her mind as well, so she finally spoke more after about another minute of near complete silence. “When I went in, they explained that they want me to advise them in portal travel. I knew that… but… they also want me for their new alarm system.” “Oh?” It had been a persistent rumor around the daycare for weeks now. Miss Tina had even gathered a few things out of the way of a few corners in the main area on Friday in the rumored preparation for their installation over the weekend. “But how…?” “Does it lead to war?” I nodded and Samantha grimaced back a bit. “The alarm will go off for three reasons you see. The first is a dimensional collapse. The second is if a mission went terribly wrong on Earth and that at least one team member was killed. Lastly, though… is if they came through to our world…” It felt unthinkable, but I guess anything was possible. “So… war… our two worlds could be at war over something like that? And you would have to declare it?” I immediately started to panic as all the little nuances to such a prospect began to invade my mind. I quickly realized that Earth was puny but stubborn and if there was a war, I would most certainly be caught in the middle. “Yes… I would advise, but the higher ups would take my recommendation very seriously.” Samantha then rubbed my back and sighed. “But don’t worry, sweetie. I can tell your mind is already spinning like mine was earlier today. It’s all a remote possibility and frankly… I doubt the alarm would ever really go off. It’s just a precaution so the lawyers can feel better. I’m sure all this will turn out to be nothing.” * * * The alarms continued to sound out even when we got into the main control room. Samantha had taken me in here once when there was nothing going on, but now, several cleaners and investigators scurried about the place. Loud noises were everywhere, and I stuck as close to Samantha as I could… even when she set me down next to her. “What do you have?” she asked as straightforwardly as she could to the main investigator who was captain of the watch right now. The man trembled like a frail leaf about to blow away, but then he finally pointed at the screen that showed all of Earth. “We have three teams on Earth at the moment, ma’am. Two are long-term recons, but the third is a training mission for a batch of hunters.” ‘So, no invasion her then…’ Samantha suddenly turned white however, and even had to cling to a nearby desk to keep herself upright. I tried to think of why but then I remembered a small snippet of news from last Sunday’s family dinner. Harriet had proudly announced that she was going on another training mission to Earth this week. It had happened before, but this trip seemed more serious for some reason. We never found out why. “You know someone on that team, don’t you, ma’am?” the captain of the watch asked plainly after seeing Samantha’s grave looks. She nodded back. “Yes. A very close friend… almost family member… is a hunter on that team. What happened to the team exactly?” The captain of the watch rubbed his balding head. “Exactly? We don’t really know. I mean, it was just supposed to be a training mission. We’ve ran them for years now… even with this being a first contact with this nation… Af…” Samantha’s eyes went wide, and she lurched at the man before her. “You sent a training hunter team on a first contact mission! Are you insane? What happened to Law 512-D? First contact missions should always been done by experienced personnel.” The man quivered before her, and I honestly felt bad for the man. “Because that pointless law was revoked!” a booming voice came from behind. Everyone immediately turned to face where the voice had come from, and there, stood a man I had actively tried to avoid at each of the functions that I had been to so far. Gerald Reddington, according to Oppy at least, was the best hunter the academy had ever produced, but he had also earned a reputation for being ruthless in the field, and now especially in his usage of other academy groups once he took charge of the hunters. Since his appointment, hunters had taken more risks and incident rates had increased, but successes and more spots for recruiters to find their targets had also increased. Samantha had even noted that their presence at the con was one of his more brilliant ideas. Still, though, his gruff demeanor, scar on his cheek, and his 12-foot-tall muscular stature scared the living daylights out of me. So, I quickly scurried behind Samantha. “Reddington… I might have known you were behind this,” Samantha gritted against the man before her. “Let me guess… it was your recommendation to revoke Law 512-D?” He smiled down at Samantha and nodded. “That’s right… and judges Franklin and Grossman were more than willing to sign off on its temporary revocation. We’ve made first contact with eight new countries since then, four times the amount we would have before in the same amount of time.” Samantha sighed and oddly seemed to resign herself as soon as Reddington had mentioned Judge Franklin. That man was really starting to perturb me, but I just kept my ears open to learn more. “Fine… but where did you geniuses send the trainee team this time?” she asked. “Let me guess… Germany? Canada? Indonesia?” Reddington then pointed to the screen and then to the captain of the watch, who then scrambled over to the monitor and changed the view of the Earth. My jaw nearly dropped when I saw where they had been sent. “Afghanistan,” he noted proudly. “Afghanistan…” Samantha echoed. She then looked down at me with a worried look and I just nodded to confirm what likely could have been her worst fears at this point. “You idiot… of all the places to send them… a training mission even! I didn’t think your scar touched your brain!” “Keep your skirt on, Sam!” Reddington bellowed while stepping up to her and clearly asserting his position of physical strength and stature over her. “All this was routine and by the book. Some sketchy intel, but we’ve handled worse. We’re hunters.” For her part though, rather than retreat, Samantha didn’t shy away and just stood toe to toe with the brute. “You better hope this doesn’t go worse than it already has, Reddington. I’m writing this up and the judges will hear about it.” Without another word, she just turned back to the screens. “Afghanistan… not even Ireland! Why…?” she then stopped herself and I could see she was pushing down a lot of feelings right then. She was a professional after all and there was a good reason she had been selected for this position, other than just her experience or who I was. With a little shake of her head, she then seemed to just dust herself off and then look directly at the captain of the watch. “Get on the horn with the leader, or whoever is left of the team. Bring them back.” The captain seemed to hesitate for a moment. Samantha quickly took notice. “I mean now, captain! Or do you want to be written up as well?” The man needed no further prompting and snapped to it. In a moment, he was calling the hunter team currently on Earth in trouble. “Hunter team Alpha Six… come in… Home base is calling you back…” He looked back up at Samantha. “Now, Alpha Six. Immediately!” There was just a bunch of static after, but a few gunshots over the radio later, there was only one urgent command back. “Open the gate! Open the gate!” The captain rushed over and pressed a large red button. Samantha backed up and then made sure that I was firmly behind her and holding her hand tightly. I thought nothing was going to happen, but in mere seconds, a rear blank panel in the room began to hum and vibrate. My brain felt like it was being shaken up like some martini, but the wall soon stood still and glowed an eerie whitish blue. Then, before I knew it, a single figure practically jumped out and collapsed at the same time coming through. The wall then stopped glowing quickly. “Harriet!” Samantha exclaimed. I tried to rub my eyes to see better, but in all the commotion, I couldn’t get a good look at the figure on the floor. Samantha, however, seemed supremely confident. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. “Stay back!” Reddington yelled as Samantha lurched forward. I think Samantha didn’t care right then, but Reddington’s large hand and arm were just enough to stop her in that single moment. “She needs to be decontaminated. Protocol, Sam.” Suddenly, a large blast of blue smoke spurted out of the ceiling and coated the still collapsed figure on the ground. I heard the poor figure laying there soon sputter and cough, but seconds later, a series of vents from below kicked on and sucked all the gaseous substance away. Near instantly, two other hunters, as denoted by their arm patches that denoted such, helped the figure up. My jaw dropped. I could see that it was Harriet no doubt from this new angle, but it was a version of Harriet that I had never seen before. Her usually gorgeous and flowing red hair was now matted with sand, muck, and what was clearly blood. It seemed to trickle from a single spot on the side of her head, but smeared patches dotted her blackened and dirty body elsewhere. Annoyingly, Reddington still held up his arm to block our path to go help her. Instead, Samantha opted to figure out what was going on. “Harriet? Harriet… are you okay? Can you hear me? Speak to us!” Harriet groaned for a moment and then shuffled off the two helping her around. “I… I got hit… but I’ll live… I…” “And your team?” Reddington briskly asked. “Where is your team, cadet?” Harriet tried to snap to attention, but then clenched her side in obvious pain. “Sorry, sir… we got hit… I think someone knows about us or we just walked into the worst exit portal ever.” “What do you mean?” Samantha questioned, the pain from seeing her friend, practically sister, was clearly evident on her face. “Were you all ambushed? Was it a trap?” “I… I… I don’t know…” Harriet clenched her teeth once more as a nearby cleaner started applying ointment and scrubbing off some of the dirt from her. I had seen it before from the cleaners. Situations where anyone in the academy was hurt would be first attended by the cleaners immediately on the spot. They would ensure the injured personnel were stable and then move them away to the academy doctors on site, or if needed, to the local level one trauma center. “Recruit!” Reddington bellowed again. “That is an unacceptable answer! A hunter should always know or at least suspect what is happening based on the clues given. So, were you ambushed or not?” I really wanted to hit the guy, but right then, I think Samantha wanted to hit him more. Only her position as advisor in this whole mess seemed to hold her back. So instead, she took the calmer approach. “Harriet… just think it through slowly. Were they already armed when you got there? Was there a standoff? Were they right there when you exited the portal, or did you walk into them already in the middle of something?” I feared her next answers above all. An affirmation to any number of questions could spell doom for Earth if they knew about the portal. Earth was violent, so the academy would begrudgingly move on from this tragedy if it wasn’t an ambush for portal travelers specifically. If it was deemed an ambush though, I had no doubt that war would be declared within the hour. Harriet pondered the question as the cleaner rolled some bandages around her abdominal wound. I could tell it hurt, but Harriet just seemed to push on. “No… it wasn’t an ambush. We were walking and there was a standoff between two other groups. I think both sides thought we were aiding the other, so they almost instantly began shooting at us. We tried to deescalate the whole situation, per our training, but within minutes, Alvarez, Smith, and Flannery went down. Jacobs hung in there but we both got hit and he couldn’t make it to the portal opening with me in time.” Samantha sighed. “I’m so sorry, Harriet, and I hate to say this, but you can’t go back… not right now at least.” Now, Harriet was normally a very calm person and good under pressure, but as soon as Samantha finished her duty in keeping the portal closed, she lost it. “To hell with that!” Harriet grimaced from her wounds but stood upright and quickly reached for the portal button to reactivate the entrance and exit behind her. The others tried to stop her, but she was still too quick for them. It was almost admirable in a way. “Cadet!” Reddington yelled at her. “Stand down! That is a direct ord…” “No!” Harriet screamed back. “I have a man down, and I’m not leaving them behind. They could still make it! The others too! They were just shot. I can help them! I have to do this!” “Harriet! No, wait!” Samantha tried to yell after her, but it was too late. Harriet almost seemed to mouth the word ‘sorry’ to her, but in an instant, the portal hummed, activated, and she was gone. The whitish blue glow soon vanished once again from the wall panel. “Shit!” Reddington cursed while slamming his fist against the desk. “That stupid…!” “Hey!” Samantha stepped forward, finally shoving his arm off her in his moment of distraction. “Just watch it, Reddington. She went back for one of her own. It’s against protocol, but you know that helping one’s team counts for a lot around here.” Reddington shook his head in disapproval. “You and your whole family and clan… you all think you own this place…” He then cracked his neck and stood about as tall as he could. “Well, you don’t. Especially not after the stunt you all pulled at the con. There’s a new order coming…” Glaring, he leaned down and whispered to her. Being close by and right under them, I could still hear the conversation. “If you all aren’t careful… you’re going to get left behind… like your sister.” He then stood back up and turned and stormed out of the room. I thought the two were going to come to blows, but after he left, Samantha just looked relieved. “Whew…” Samantha said, now clearly unburdened by his presence. “I really hate that guy…” She then turned to the nearly permanently stunned captain of the watch. “Captain, what’s her status? Where is she?” The man stumbled about for a moment, dropped a few nearby papers, and then scrambled over to another monitor. “Uh… uh… she took a portal device… soft spot nearby… so we can track her… there!” His arm then shot out and pointed to the screen. “The one red dot is her… the blue is her team members.” “Alive?” Samamtha asked, coming through with a little hope at the end. “Uh… not sure… critical I think, but… I can’t say for sure.” The captain slunk back into his chair and exhaled loudly. “All we can do is wait now, but let me tell you, I’ll definitely be glad when this shift is over.” Samantha glared at the captain. “Be glad when they’re back!” she practically spat at the man. I almost whimpered right then, but I just held it tightly within me. I could tell she was stressed… so I didn’t want to add to her already high levels. Then, as Samantha was massaging her forehead with her eyes closed, I saw a blinking light on the screen. Reddington was off sulking or stirring up trouble in all likelihood, the captain seemed distracted more by his own nerves, and Samantha was already having a tough day. Still, the light kept blinking, so I put on my big boy pants and tugged on Samantha’s clothes. “Not now, honey…” she said as gingerly as she could. From her tone though, I knew she was at a critical stress point, but from reading the manual of the academy, I knew that blinking light was important. So, I tugged again. “Not now, Percy,” she repeated. “Please.” I didn’t want to be that Little with her, but Harriet had to the priority over my own feelings of trepidation right now, so, I tugged again. This time though, I quickly pointed to the screen. Right as Samantha almost began to glare down at me, and seeing that my pointing wasn’t enough, I spoke up. “Wait, Samantha. I’m sorry but look at the screen. Just for a second…” Samantha paused and I guess she decided to humor me. As soon as she saw the blinking light though, her eyes widened. “Oh! Crud. It’s them!” She quickly turned back to me and stroked my cheek. “I’m so, so sorry, sweetie. I should have trusted you more.” ‘Yes, you should have…’ But I also knew I was a Little in a complicated and stressful environment, so I nodded my head. “That’s okay, but can we please bring Harriet home to us now?” Samantha nodded and pointed to the captain of the watch. “Captain! Bring them home!” The captain nodded and activated the safety features in place for the dimensional portal in here. If he hadn’t, they would have just been transported to where I came out originally on the platform just beyond the viewing window in front of us. Bigs were smart though and emergency services and quarantine procedures were much quicker to respond here than down there. Oppy told me that the first year it was implemented, they saved six lives that would have been lost otherwise. The room hummed and buzzed once more as the portal lit up in its whitish blue. In seconds, Harriet came dragging through. From even a single glance, it was clear that her wounds had opened back up, but like some super woman, she also was dragging or carrying back four other bodies: her team. “Quarantine! Cleaners!” Samantha called out on the microphone connected to both of their main control centers. Soon, the bluish smoke covered up the five bodies that now lay before us, and like before, the vents turned on and sucked it all away. Next, as before, the cleaners hurried in, but Harriet wouldn’t let go of the one body she was still holding onto. “Come on, Jacob… don’t leave me! Breathe!” Harriet shouted out to the, soon-to-be-discovered final member of her team that came through the portal alive. But even then, fate was cruel, and after exhaling one last breath, his bloodied arm hung limp on the ground in front of Harriet’s lap. A cleaner finally moved in, but just shook their head in sorrow after detecting no life signs from him. Harriet was now officially the only survivor of her team. Samantha and everyone else just seemed stunned, but she also knew she needed to be there for Harriet. So, after a moment, she went over and tried to help her close friend and mentee out. “Harriet… come on… we need to get you patched up. I’m sure there will be a lot of questions, but maybe right now, we can just get you patched up. Does that sound okay?” Harriet nodded, but the sudden thudding of footsteps stopped the two right in their tracks. I looked away from the two, and to my horror, Reddington was leading the charge of at least four other hunters and then the four judges right behind him. “I’ll give you credit, Samantha,” Reddington glared from above once he entered the control room, “you are right about one thing… there will be several questions… for you.” Samantha sighed, but almost as if she was just expecting all this. “Can’t this wait?” she meekly asked Reddington and the personnel before her while still holding Harriet up by her side. It was quite the scene, especially with the clearly blood-soaked bandages barely hanging on to Harriet’s sides. “Absolutely not!” Judge Grossman announced. “This needs to happen here and now! We gave you a job to do and now, four recruits of this academy are dead!” Samantha seemed absolutely shocked, but seemingly for the first time ever, in the nick of time, the captain of the watch, actually seemed useful. “It was my fault actually, ma’am. My fault and poor planning.” Grossman seemed intrigued and gestured to the captain to continue. “See what happened was…” The captain then went on to explain the entire sequence of events that led up until now. I could see that both judges Grossman and Franklin were furious, but once he showed the recordings of that room, no one could object that Samantha had done anything wrong. “Seems you were mistaken, Reddington…” Judge Hawthorne noted plainly to the grizzled hunter leader. “Maybe next time you will be better prepared to handle these situations. Maybe then, you wouldn’t have a team of dead recruits on your hands.” “Indeed,” Judge Cunnings agreed. “Perhaps we should even revisit Law 512-D?” “Well…” Franklin interjected, “let’s not be too hasty. I think, for the time at least, that Samantha is innocent of the charges brought before her. No harm done, but let’s review this matter at a later date back in chambers. I assume we can all discuss the mission aftermath more there right now though?” “Agreed…” Judge Grossman nodded to her colleague. “To chambers.” Both judges Cunnings and Hawthorne seemed like they were opposed to dropping 512-D so suddenly, but then both only nodded and began walking out first. As soon as the two were clear though, judges Grossman and Franklin, and Reddington all glared back at Samantha. Further, if I wasn’t mistaken, Reddington even mouthed ‘soon.’ ‘Man… I really hated that guy…’ Fortunately, only an hour later, Harriet was mostly patched up and would be healed in about two weeks with their medical advancements. Plus, with the crisis now averted, Samantha was free to accompany her throughout the process, and despite my soggy diaper, I tagged along as well. “The dean will see you now,” her secretary informed us after we had been sitting out in the waiting room for a few minutes. A little nervous, we all nodded and then walked in. “Dean…” Harriet began, “I just…” The dean then spun around and held up her hand. “Nothing more needs to be said about today. It was very tragic, and I believe we all just want to put it behind us. We have sent cleaners in covertly to clean up any remaining issues, but for your information, the judges have just ruled Afghanistan as a ‘No-go Zone.’” I had heard of that protocol before, but from what I could tell, that had only applied to Antarctica so far, but that was just because it wasn’t worth going there due to the lack of population. Now, there was a country full of potential Littles being put on the list. According to Oppy, it usually only happened during times of war and then was lifted, but this felt different… more permanent now. Samantha seemed uncomfortable, but Harriet seemed outraged. “What? That’s it? I just lost my entire team, and they get off with a pass and all this just gets swept under the rug? Like they didn’t just die because of a screw-up by someone?” “Miss Beechum!” the dean yelled angrily as she got to her feet up from behind her desk. Her eyes looked sternly back at Harriet, and she pointed her finger at her to emphasize her point. “Now listen here… this was a tragedy… no one is saying otherwise, but you will follow the rules here and the decision passed down by the judges. If not, I suggest you resign with the grace afforded to you from this event. Are we clear?” A lightbulb of fury and depression then seemed to go off above Harriet’s head. “Well… I guess I only have one option then. Reddington has his faults, but he’s right about one thing at least. If you feel out of options, choose the best one that leads to the best outcome and go from there. If I’m going to feel useless after missions like these where my whole team is killed and nothing will be done about it, I just have to make the best of the choices I’m given.” The dean smiled but then looked horrified immediately after. Curious about why she looked so shocked, I turned and shockingly saw Harriet ripping her hunter patch off the shoulder of her academy unform. “I quit.” With that and not even allowing the dean to refuse her, she marched right out the dean’s office and didn’t look back once. For her part, the dean just sat back in her chair in shock as she retrieved the patch. She almost treated it like a little wounded bird, and I was almost convinced she was more upset of having the patch being ripped off a uniform than from one of her students just quitting their program. Samantha seemed horrified as well, but she just stood up and calmly excused herself before collecting a single piece of paper and then running after Harriet in a panic. She was her mentee after all. Unfortunately, though, I couldn’t keep up, so without question as Samantha looked at me, I just raised my arms up and she scooped me into her arms. To be frank, it was more comfortable up here in her arms than waddling with the bulky diaper between my legs. To my chagrin, I still hadn’t managed to go back to the pull-on style diapers since the block party. ‘Stupid milk…’ Finally, we made it to a single wooden door along a long hallway. “She stays at Oppy’s a lot, but this is her main dorm room,” she explained. I nodded and Samantha knocked. “Harriet? It’s Samantha and Percy. Can we talk?” “Come in…” a frail voice said from inside. Slowly, Samantha opened the door, and we walked in, not entirely sure what we were going to see. “Harri… what are you doing?” Samantha interrupted her own self as she walked in. There, sitting on her bed and packing up seemingly everything, was a battered-down Harriet. Even with her freshly washed face, I could tell that she had been crying. “I’m packing up my stuff. I quit the hunters, Sam… I’m going to resign from the academy in the morning,” she said wearily after packing up another textbook. “It’s just not worth it to me anymore. Please don’t be upset or mad with me…” Samantha hurried over, set me down on the floor, and then sat in a chair in front of her. I tried to get up on the bed with her, but Samantha stopped me cold before turning her attention back to her mentee. Harriet appeared to be so emotionless and distant right then that I wasn’t even sure if she noticed my attempt to hug her on the bed or not. “Harriet… stop… please,” Samantha begged, but Harriet didn’t, so Samantha eventually had to hold her arms in place in order for her to stop packing. “Please let go…” the broken woman said in response. I could barely recognize her as Harriet anymore. “No… I want you to promise me that you’ll sleep on it at the very least. You just went through something terrible, and you shouldn’t be making big decisions like these at a time like this.” Harriet seemed to agree, but still hesitated, so Samantha continued. “I need to get Percy home, but I want you to call Oppy and then call me later tonight. Just talk or have us talk to you. I don’t want you to be alone tonight. Heck, even go over to Oppy’s… In fact, definitely go over to Oppy’s. She’s been through all this before…” Samantha then looked away for a moment. “She doesn’t talk about it, but she’s lost a lot of people. A lot…” Samantha trailed off for a moment, but then refocused on Harriet. “She can help you… even just listen to you yell about the academy. Promise me that you’ll go to her at least… please?” Harriet hesitated, but this time nodded. “Okay…” She then put her bag down with all the textbooks already in it. “I’ll go over to Oppy’s tonight. Promise.” “Good.” Samantha and I then stayed with Harriet for a while longer. We talked about a few things here and there, but I think Samantha was just making sure she was going to be okay until Oppy arrived to pick her up. Harriet initially insisted on driving herself, but after a quick and even gentle hug by Samantha almost made her faint from the pain afterward, she relented. Samantha then got off the bed. “Okay… Oppy will be here in five minutes. Pack up a few things, but I can always swing by and get more tomorrow for you if you need.” She then handed the paper from the dean’s office she snagged on the way out. “This is from the dean. You have a few days off from the academy anyway… so just relax. I’ll be over to see you tomorrow at Oppy’s but remember to call me tonight, okay?” Harriet nodded and the two hugged for a solid minute. I could see the pain in both their eyes, but I was just happy that Harriet seemed to be at least somewhat on the mend. I always marveled at the bits of healing technology, but I also knew I was seeing some of the mental anguish release as well from her mind. I knew it would take time, but I felt that she was at least going to be headed down a better path now. Samantha and I then left her room and made our way back to our car to head back home. Halfway there, I spoke up. “I wanted to hug her…” Samantha sighed. “I know, baby, but sometimes, people’s problems just need some time to breathe. She loves you like the rest of the family, but right then, she needed space.” I knew Samantha was right in terms of physical contact, knowing who she was, but I also felt like she needed something more than just people checking on her according to a timetable. “I think she needs a friend right now as well.” Samantha nodded her head, but then stopped in the middle of the hallway and crouched down to me. “She probably does, and we’re her family, so we’re going to keep an eye on her, but there’s a time and a place for that. Trust me.” She then looked away for a moment and then back to me. “I’ve been where she’s at… bus of recruiters one mission plunged into the river. Out of the seven of us then, only four of us made it out.” “I’m so sorry…” I said, not really sure what else to say, “I didn’t know…” Samantha shook her head. “I didn’t want you to… not many people know about stuff like that. The academy puts it behind them to move forward for our society. It’s terrible, but these things happen. Best thing to do is to learn from it and move forward as best you can.” I nodded and just hoped that would be the case for all that had happened today. Samantha then refreshingly smiled at me in almost a playful way. “You know though, when she’s ready… I’m sure she’ll appreciate a friend when that day comes.” From what I just saw, I was doubtful that would be anytime soon, but I still felt a nice, pleasant warmth to know that I could be needed to help her out. I had no experience with any of this, but I still cared about her. I still wanted to help, so even with just the possibility, it was a nice feeling to have. “I’ll be there.” Samantha smiled even wider and gave me a little hug. “You’ll be a great friend to her I’m sure, but I must also just be the luckiest Big in the world to have someone like you in my life.” I blushed a little as she broke the hug, but I made sure to smile back while I found my wording. “I’m pretty lucky myself too you know.” Samantha smiled once more and after a little tender stroke to the side of my face, we both took off once more. As we walked, I disturbingly couldn’t help but feel a little hatred toward Earth right now. I was human and I was from Earth, but my friend had now lost her entire team over the actions of a few of us. I was disappointed in humanity right then, but I just had so many thoughts going through my head that I barely had time to process even one of them. Looming ever more presently, I was worried about judges Franklin and Grossman, and now even Reddington more than I had been already. There was definitely something sitting just on the horizon of it all, but I just didn’t know what it was. Until then, I just had to focus on myself. Now, I knew that I was most definitely a Little and I had accepted that for some time now, but I was also starting to feel an odd sensation that Earth was no longer my home. With no hope of getting back there, even if Oppy somehow managed to come through on our deal though, I was starting to get the most peculiar feeling that I might not even want to, but such thoughts were too much for me to handle after a day like today. So, for now, I just focused on holding Samantha’s hand and the nice plate of cauliflower chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese likely soon to be waiting for me at home.

Jennifer felt her heart splinter when she saw her. Hortensia was lying on her side in the fetal position, blanket up over her head to shut out the world. Jennifer pulled up a chair by the bed and sat. She reached a hand toward the lump and froze. Jennifer wanted to hold her, and comfort her, and cry with her, and tell her everything would be alright. Instead, she let her hand fall back down in her lap. If she touched her, Hortensia would panic. “How did you know?” a voice behind her asked. Carol was sitting in a chair in the corner. Jennifer hadn’t even noticed her. “You told me she never said she was being abused, but you still knew.” It was in the way she flinched when she was touched. Jumped when her name was called. The rages, the bedwetting. There were so many red flags. “There were signs.” The lump on the bed rolled over and stared at her. Jennifer tried to study her face, but it gave no hint to how she was feeling. She just looked tired. “Don’t ask me anything.” Hortensia demanded. Jennifer bit her lip. She had so many questions, but she nodded and remained quiet. “There’s been a lot of people in and out.” Carol explained in a low voice. “Want to take a walk?” “In a little bit.” Jennifer said. She wanted to sit with Hortensia for a while. She dug in her backpack and pulled out her stuffed dog. “I brought you someone.” Her wall fell for just a second and Jennifer could see the vulnerability and fear in her eyes before her face went rigid and emotionless again. Still, Hortensia accepted the dog and brought it under the covers with her. “I do have one question for you.” Jennifer said softly. “No.” Hortensia said flatly. “Were you the one who made me those pictures hanging in my office?” She knew she had. She had seen the evidence in her backpack, but she wanted to hear it from her. Slowly, Hortensia nodded. “Do you like them?” “I love them.” Jennifer said. “I had no idea you were so talented.” Hortensia shrugged before gesturing to her backpack. Jennifer handed it over. She watched as Hortensia dug through it and produced two envelopes. She handed one to Jennifer and kept the other in her lap. Jennifer opened it to the picture she had seen before. She re-read the note in its entirety. She let out a sound between a half laugh and half sob. She had signed the note Hor-paininthearse-sia. “You are not a pain in the arse.” Jennifer said firmly. “You are a wonderful girl who has been through something no one should go through, especially not as a child.” Hortensia didn’t look convinced. “You’re coming home with me. You’re not going back. You’re not moving away. You’re not going to that camp.” She wasn’t even sure there was a camp anymore. “You’re safe.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” Jennifer was about to ask if she could hug her, but Meaghan had strolled in rolling a cart with something that looked awfully familiar. “It’s time. Are you ready?” Hortensia stared at the contents of the cart and sank further into a ball. “Why?” Jennifer asked. “Doctor has ordered an anoscopy.” Meaghan spoke low so only Jennifer could hear. She must have seen the confusion on her face. “It’s a test so he can get a better picture of what’s going on inside, but we need her to empty her bladder and bowels first. This is standard prep.” “I already went.” Hortensia grumbled. “Remember?” She gestured to the bed. Jennifer didn’t want to know. Why did kids have super hearing only when you didn’t want them to? “We need you completely empty, so we’re going to give you a little something to help speed up the process.” “Am I going to have to drink something nasty?” Hortensia asked. Jennifer stared at the bag of fluid and tubes sitting on the cart with an uneasy feeling. “You won’t taste a thing.” Meaghan said with a sympathetic smile. “I promise.” “Ready for that walk?” Carol asked. Jennifer looked from Hortensia to Meaghan. “Coffee isn’t half bad in the cafeteria.” Meaghan offered. Jennifer went to Hortensia’s bed side. “Do you want me to stay or go, honey?” Hortensia’s eyes were darting around the room looking from face to face for answers. Jennifer could tell she sensed something unpleasant was about to happen. Someone else came in pushing a commode and left. Hortensia’s face soured. “In here? In front of everyone?” “Only who you want.” Meaghan said. “Nobody!” “You’re very brave.” Jennifer squeezed her hand and stood. “Why am I brave for taking a shit in a bucket?” She saw the tubes. Jennifer could see the gears spinning in her head. “They're going to do what they did to Matilda!” Her face filled with panic. “No! No!” She was scrambling to get away. The facade was gone. “Don’t let them! No! DON’T TOUCH ME!” She was trying to get out of bed. “I NEED ASSISTANCE IN BED SIX!” “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Jennifer was trying to keep her from bolting. She was hooked up to the I.V. line. She was going to rip it out if she tried to make a run for it. “It’ll only be uncomfortable for a minute.” Meaghan said. She was flanked now by two orderlies. “Tens, it’ll be over soon. They’ll do their test, and then we can go home and you can soak in the tub.” “It has to happen, kiddo, this is important. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way like the Iv.” Jennifer didn’t want to imagine what it took to put an Iv in her. But Hortensia wasn’t listening, she was thrashing against the orderlies who were pinning her down on the bed and sobbing. Jennifer stood horrified. “Isn’t there another way? Can’t she drink something, or wait for it to come out on its own?” Jennifer asked. “No, sorry, we need to get this done as soon as possible for the investigation.” Meaghan explained as she hung the bag of saline on the Iv pole. “It’s only going to hurt if you fight. You need to relax.” One of the orderlies had rolled her onto her side where Jennifer could see a soiled hospital gown and pad. “If you want any kind of privacy, you’re going to have to stop fighting, or this is going to happen in front of a whole room of people holding you down.” Jennifer bent and picked up the dog that had rolled onto the floor. “Hold your dog and it’ll be over soon.” Jennifer whispered. She sat in the chair. She knew she’d regret staying, but she couldn’t get herself to leave. She reached out and grabbed one of Hortensia’s hands. “Or squeeze my hand.” Hortensia was still sobbing, but at least she had stopped thrashing. She felt a hand squeeze hers. Jennifer nodded to Meaghan. “Do the men need to stay and hold you down?” With a sob Hortensia shook her head. “That’s a brave girl. It’ll be okay.” Jennifer whispered. “Do you want me to leave or stay?” Hortensia let out an unintelligible sound. “I’ll be in the cafeteria.” Carol said. “Are you going to stay with her?” “Don’t go.” Hortensia said in a pitiful small voice. “Do you want me to stay?” Hortensia nodded and wiped her face. “Let’s move these papers out of the way.” Meaghan said. She reached for the folder but Hortensia snatched it before she could grab it. “Do you want me to put them in your backpack?” Jennifer asked. Hortensia nodded. Jennifer took them. She was about to slide them in when she froze. The ghost man was standing in the doorway pointing at the folder in her hands. This is what he had wanted her to get. “I’m going to start.” Meaghan said. Hortensia let out a nervous whine. “It’ll be okay.” Jennifer said, squeezing her hand and slipping the folder into the pack at her feet. She could look at it later. Meaghan handed her a green bag. Jennifer took it. Her eyebrows creased in confusion as she looked it over. “I remember you from last time. You looked a little green.” Jennifer forced a smile. “I’m not going to throw up.” “She’s not going to make it to the commode. Don’t watch this.” Meaghan whispered before placing another pad on the bed. “I’m going to clean you up a tad. This might be a little cold.” She said, turning her attention back to Hortensia. “A LITTLE?” Hortensia shouted, nearly jumping. “Try and stay as still as possible for me. I’m going to put it in on the count of ten, alright? One-” Jennifer was aware of two things. Hortensia’s screams of pain and the bones in her hands being crushed. “I know it hurts, and I’m sorry…” “TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!” “I can’t; I’m sorry. It’ll be over soon, just try and bear with it, just a little longer.” “IT HURTS! IT HURTS!” “You’re hurting her!” Jennifer said, horrified, It wasn’t like this for Matilda! What was happening? “Is this because of the sore?” “The doctor will tell you more when he takes a look.” Jennifer stared at the bag, willing it to drain faster. She had never heard a child scream like this. Her body broke out in a sweat, her slippery hands nearly sliding out of the girl's crushing grasp. Go faster. Go faster. “Whatever you do, don’t look over here. Stay in your seat as you are.” “What’s going on?” Jennifer asked. Was something wrong? Was she going to be okay? Then the smell hit her. She began to cough. She could taste bile. Jennifer tried to take slow deep breaths, but began to gag. “Make sure it gets in the bag.” Meaghan said without looking up. “I’m fine.” Jennifer choked out before dry retching. She could do this. She could do this. The girl screaming and sobbing was enduring far worse. She should be concerned, not grossed out. “We’re all done. You did it. I’m going to pull it out.” She could see Hortensia’s body visibly deflate. There was indeed no hope of making it. Matilda had been different. Why wasn’t she making her hold it and watching the clock? “There you go. I bet that feels better now.” “I can’t. I can’t move.” Hortensia cried. “It’s alright hun, I knew this was going to be messy going in. Go on, let it out there. We’ll get you cleaned up in a bit and then I’ll get you something for the pain.” “Pain first! Pain first!” Hortensia begged. “I’ll get you situated, don’t worry. You finish up and I’ll put in the order, but I can’t inject it into your Iv until everything’s sterile again. Meaghan exited out the curtain as she heard another patient complain about the smell. “You did it. You’re done. It’s all over.” Jennifer said softly to the crying girl on the bed. She lightly brushed her thumb over her hand. “It-it hu-hurts so ba-ad.” “She’s getting you something. You’ll feel better soon. You might even be able to sleep for a few minutes.” It was getting late. She wondered if Matilda was in bed, or if she was trying to stay up waiting for them. She pictured her asleep alongside Hazel, oblivious to the evils of the world. She could feel her eyes burning with tears. “I’m so sorry, Tens. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” “D-did Ma-Matilda cry t-t-too?” Hortensia asked. “Yes, she did.” Jennifer said with a sniffle. “She couldn’t hold it either.” It certainly wasn’t to this extent. “I’m surprised they didn’t have you on a bedpan like they did her.” “Hurt too much.” Hortensia said letting out a shaky breath. “What is it that hurts?” “My arse!” “I know that, but where? Is it the outside, inside? The opening?” “I don’t know, it just hurts! Stop asking me questions!” “Alright, I’m back. Are you all emptied out?” Meaghan asked, coming up behind Jennifer. Hortensia nodded. “Have you peed? I don’t see any pee.” Hortensia shook her head. “I need you to pee as well.” “On myself?” “Hun, we aren’t saving any of this. I mean, if you really want to go in the commode, but at this point, let’s just contain the mess to one place.” “I’m not looking.” Jennifer said. She could see Meaghan digging through drawers for supplies as she flexed her now free hand. “You’ve got quite the grip.” “Have you peed yet?” Meaghan asked, slipping on fresh gloves before setting down a package of wipes, a fresh gown and more pads on the counter. “I-it’ll g-g-get on and h-hurt more.” Hortensia cried. “I can fix that. Lift up your top leg.” Meaghan slid a folded pad in between her legs. “There, no problems now?” Hortensia shook her head. “Good, there you go. All done? Can I take it out?” Hortensia nodded. “If you want to go to the cafeteria and get some coffee now you can while I get her situated. The doctor should be here in about thirty minutes. We won’t start the test without a guardian present.” Jennifer bit her lip and stared at the tear streaked girl’s face. Her stomach was roiling from the smell, and the thought of fresh air was tempting…but no. She wouldn’t leave. “I’ll wait with her.” Meaghan nodded and began filling a pink tub with water. “Alright, Hortensia, I’m going to get this gown off you.” Hortensia curled herself back into a ball, now naked and shivering. “Are you cold, honey?” Jennifer asked. The girl nodded with a sniffle. “She’ll be done in a few minutes, and then you can have a fresh blan-” her words trailed off as she saw her old gown. Meaghan had quickly bunched it into a ball, but not fast enough. It wasn’t just brown, but bright red. Jennifer jumped to her feet. “No, don’t loo-” Something foul was burning her nostrils. She let out a soft moan and opened her eyes. Her head was pounding under the bright fluorescent lights. Someone she didn’t recognize was waving something small and white under her nose. She turned her head to get away from the acrid smell. “She’s coming around.” they announced. “Told you not to look.” Meaghan said, coming into view before bending down and helping her into a chair. “How’s your head? You hit the ground hard.” “I’m fine.” Jennifer mumbled. “I just wasn’t expecting…so much blood.” Meaghan put a finger to her lips. “Don’t scare her more than she already is.” She whispered. “That’s the thing with injuries in and around the anus. The skin is very thin, tears easily, and bleeds like the dickens. That’s why it’s so easy to get an STD. I would have kicked you out had I known you were this squeamish.” “I’m fine.” Jennifer grumbled. She stared at Hortensia, who was already now clean, and wrapped in a blanket. “How long was I out?” “Only a couple minutes.” “You work fast.” “Not as fast as a dose of Hydromorphone.” Meaghan gestured to the bed. “She’s asleep?” Jennifer asked, surprised. Good. She frowned for a moment in thought. Her chair by Hortensia’s bedside was now occupied by the dead man. He looked so… sad. She didn’t know ghosts had any feelings, but his body posture alone seemed to prove otherwise. Jennifer pulled up her chair beside him and studied the two of them. What was his connection to her? Why did all the ghosts seem to stick to her in particular? Was it because she was closer in age to most of them? She had said they had wanted her to play with them. “Who are you?” Jennifer whispered. His victims were the sick and vulnerable, but he looked neither, apart from being dead. Was he gay? Did he get murdered after a one night stand? Aiden clearly had a preference for boys. Hortensia’s eyes slowly fluttered open. “Hi, sweetheart, are you feeling any better?” Jennifer asked, but her eyes weren’t focused on her. “Daddy?” Hortensia whispered. Jennifer felt her heart sink. Daddy. Her vision was beginning to blur with tears. She grabbed Hortensia’s backpack and stood. “Honey, I’ll…I’ll be back.” Tears began to freely fall as she stood in the elevator and put her head against the wall. So that’s what happened to Hortensia’s dad. That’s where he’s been all this time. Dead. And less than a hundred feet from where his daughter played. How could life be so cruel to one person? A child no less. She found Carol sitting alone with a to-go cup of tea at a table. She flopped down in the chair across from her and put her head in her hands. “Why?” Jennifer asked, wiping her eyes with her wrist. “Why did this have to happen to her?” “Sometimes the monsters in this world aren't the shadows in our closets, or underneath our beds. The monsters are the people hiding in plain sight. Our neighbors, or our own family members…you know this.” “I know.” Jennifer sniffled. She felt Carol rub her back. “Hortensia has always been, and most likely will always be, a very troubled girl.” Carol said. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Jennifer looked up at her horrified. “Of course I want to do this! How could you ask me that?” “This isn’t going to be like taking in Matilda, and you have to consider her safety as well.” Carol said. “You can’t think of her as a project either. You can’t fix this. She will most likely carry this for the rest of her life.” “She’s not a project! She’s a person! A child! A deeply wounded child.” Jennifer said before sighing. “She reminds me of Agatha. She was also the victim of incest. She’d get drunk and tell me all about it. I often wonder, would she still be the vile monster she was if someone had stepped in and showed her even an ounce of kindness?” “Nature vs. nurture.” Carol said. “Sometimes monsters are made, others are born evil.” “I’m not going to let her be consumed by hate.” “That’s up to her, not you.” Carol said. “The police were asking me questions about Brian.” Jennifer looked up from rummaging in Hortensia’s backpack. “Why?” “Eve’s pointing the finger at him.” “WHAT?” “He is on their radar, so don’t be surprised if he tells you the police dragged him in for interrogation.” “But..but…no! He would never! How could she think that?” “You did leave her daughter in the care of a man she didn’t know.” “But-” “I don’t think it’s him, relax. A test for Syphilis will rule him out. He doesn’t have any sores on his penis, does he?” Jennifer adamantly shook her head. Carol nodded. “I think this is something that’s been going on for a while. I won’t be surprised if they find old wounds that have already healed.” “Her dad’s not in prison. He’s dead.” “She told you that?” “It’s his bones they dug up.” Jennifer shook her head. “I think Aiden killed him and has been the one pretending to be him to manipulate her.” “Obey Aiden. Listen to Aiden. Do as you're told. I thought there was something off about those cards.” “What if Cynthia put the letter in Eve’s safe to frame her? She was alone with the kids in Eve’s house when Matilda was injured.” She began dumping the contents of the backpack into the table. She found the folder she was searching for and pulled it out of the cluttered mess. It was much thicker than the one with the single picture. She opened the folder and then shut it immediately. She stared at Carol wide eyed. “It’s him. The tall man.” She couldn’t look at him. Carol took the envelope from her and opened it. She flipped through the pages with a stoic look on her face before setting it down. “And that’s who assaulted you?” Jennifer nodded. “He’s massive.” “What was in the folder?” “Nothing you want to see.” Carol stood up with the folder in her hand. “There’s the cop who was asking me about your boyfriend. I’m going to give it to him. They need this.” … “There you go. You’re almost inside.” Jennifer whispered. She had her arm looped around Hortensia’s for support as she slowly waddled up the walk. “We’ll get you upstairs, and then you can soak in the tub before bed. You can use the one in my room, it’s bigger.” She pushed her front door open and tiptoed inside. Nothing but the glow of the television illuminated the house. Jennifer would have smiled if she didn’t feel so numb. The girls were sacked out together on the couch and Brian was asleep in the arm chair. She led Hortensia upstairs, wincing with every step as Hortensia did. She started the bath and added a cup of epson salt to the bottom. Next she helped her get out of her clothes and out of the diaper, wincing as she saw more blood. She balled it up before Hortensia could see and threw it in the trash. “There you go. How’s the water?” Jennifer asked as she helped ease her into a sitting position. Hortensia shrugged and stared straight ahead. “How’s your pain?” “It hurts.” She mumbled. “I’ll give you a pill after your bath.” Jennifer said, kneeling by the tub. “It’s going to be okay.” she whispered before kissing the side of her head. “I’m going to help you get through this. You’re not alone.” “Do you understand what’s going on?” Jennifer asked as she lathered up a washcloth. “Why you had to go through all this tonight?” “I’m sick.” Hortensia said softly. “And do you understand how you got sick?” Hortensia nodded. “This isn’t your fault, sweetheart. I want you to know that. You did nothing wrong.” Hortensia hung her head and began to sob. Jennifer’s throat ached with emotion. “No matter what he told you. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.” “I-I- I don-don’t w-want-t-to- talk a-about it.” “I understand, sweetheart, I do.” She quietly washed her hair before pulling the plug on the bath. “But if you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll always be here for you.” She offered her a hand up and helped her out of the bath. “Where do you want to sleep tonight?” She asked as she toweled Hortensia’s hair dry. The girl remained quiet. “Would you like to stay with me tonight?” She slowly nodded her head. Jennifer led her to the bed and laid the towel down. “Go on and lay down. Whichever is most comfortable for you.” She dug for the supplies they had sent her home with. It was as Carol said. This was not a one time thing. They had found evidence, both vaginal and rectal, for current and past abuse. It was a miracle they didn’t find more permanent damage. It was going to take at least two months to heal physically. Emotionally was an entirely different story. She rubbed the medications and ointments on before sealing up the diaper. The both of them were going to have to get used to this routine. Her sphincter would take time to heal and strengthen. A wave of guilt crashed over her for her teasing. Hortensia had, in her own way, been calling out for help all this time. The list of injuries were extensive. Fissures, tears, scars, sprains, lacerations, the list went on. No wonder she couldn't stay seated. She handed her a shirt from out of her closet to wear and tucked her in. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go talk to Brian and let him know we’re back.” She turned to go, but stopped. She had to make sure. “Was it him? Brian?” Hortensia shook her head. She breathed a sigh of relief and made her way downstairs. “We’re back.” She whispered in his ear. He jumped awake. “You’re welcome to stay on the couch. It’s already three.” He rubbed his eyes and looked around. “How is she?” Jennifer shook her head. “It’s bad. I’m surprised they released her. They gave her a shot of penicillin. Lots of very invasive tests, questions, and procedures. She’s a mess.” “How are you?” “Also a mess.” She answered honestly. Tears had begun to slide down her face. He stood up and gave her a long, tight hug. She needed that. “How could someone do that to her?” She quietly cried into his shoulder. “Did she say what happened?” Jennifer shook her head. “She shuts down every time someone asks, but she had these drawings. I couldn’t get myself to look at them. Carol said I didn’t want to see them.” She clung onto Brian for a few more minutes before letting go. “I need to go give her pain medicine and go to bed. She’s sleeping in my room with me, so don’t come in.” She bent down and kissed Matilda’s head. The little girl stirred, but remained sleeping. “Goodnight.” She whispered and waved before heading back up the stairs. She got a cup of water from the bathroom and a pill before handing them over. “Did you get it down? It’s big.” Hortensia nodded and handed her the cup back. “Good girl.” She set it down on the nightstand next to her and climbed into bed before rolling over to face her. “I don’t know what the right thing to do in this situation is.” Jennifer said softly. Hortensia opened her eyes and stared at her. “I know what I want to do. I want to hold you, comfort you, and cry with you, but that might not be what you want. So I’m not going to touch you unless necessary. Everyone deals with this differently. But if you ever want or need to cuddle, or need a hug, or just need some affection. Come to me. Come climb in my lap while I’m in the recliner, put your head in my lap when I’m on the couch. And if you need space while you process all this, I’ll give you your space. Whatever you need Tens, don’t be afraid to ask.” “Will you read to me?” Hortensia asked softly. “Of course.” She reached for the book she had been reading on her nightstand and froze. Err, maybe not that one. She got up and went to Matilda’s room and pulled The Wonderful Wizard of Oz off the shelf. She slid back into bed and began reading until she could hear Hortensia’s deep even breaths beside her. Jennifer tore a piece of paper off a notepad and stuck it between the pages before turning off the light and shutting her eyes. “Goodnight, Tens,” Jennifer whispered. “I love you.”

Chapter 88: Colossal WHEN THEY HAD finished meeting with Nikki, the four of them walked down to the soundstage where filming was going on. They waited until an outside warning light about ‘filming in progress’ turned dark before they entered. They quietly followed Beth over to where the crew seemed to be picking up equipment after wrapping a scene up. Charlotte noticed them and waved, “Hi Beth, back from your meeting?” Beth sighed, “Yes, how are things going here? Sorry, I haven’t been here!” “Going well! We just finished the final part of the dinner with Sarah at her house. One more scene with Connor, and you two can take off?” “Great,” Beth said. Sebastian came over then, too, and said, “Hi Beth. I’m Sebastian Johnson,” he said, politely introducing himself to Beth’s mom, Amanda, and Nikki. “Nice to meet you,” her mom said, “I’m Addison Sylvester, Beth’s mother.” “A pleasure to meet you,” Charlotte said. The rest of the introductions followed before Sebastian said, “If you’ll pardon me, I’m okay with you being here, but please make sure you’re quiet while we’re filming?” “Of course, you won’t know we’re here,” Amanda told him. “Beth, could you give me a hand over here?” he said, dragging her away. When they were far enough away, she said, “Thanks!” “Don’t mention it; I could tell some smothering was happening there. I get that way too often with my own mother! Why don’t you go help at the monitors and ensure we’re getting good footage you can edit later?” “Thanks,” she told him. It was a little disorienting as the entire set disappeared, and then a new location was set up. They now had the downstairs area outside of Brian’s apartment setup. The Bruber vehicle for Connor’s ride back was ‘parked’ out of the shot to the right. Harper was standing with a noticeable baby blue diaper bag on her shoulder and ready to walk up to Connor, who just arrived. “Sorry, Gary wanted to do a quick adjustment on my makeup for this scene.” “No problem,” Sebastian said. “Will, are we set?” “I think so. Can we just walk the blocking on this first, though?” Beth watched on the monitors as Sebastian, Connor, Harper, and Charlotte walked through the walk-up. Then, they would halt right in front of the doors to the tall apartment building. They went ‘inside the building’ and returned a few moments later. “All set now?” Beth asked Will as he returned. “As soon as we have Amelia’s camera re-tracked for the dolly, we should be,” he said. Beth watched as they rolled out a set of tracks to help guide and steer the camera Amelia was running. “Okay, quiet on the set!” Sebastian called. A moment later, the call to action was made, and she watched the different views on the monitors come through as Brian’s Bruber arrived and he was unbuckled by the driver. He was almost to the entrance doors when he ran into Harper, playing his neighbor. With no Little or baby in sight, the diaper bag on her shoulder was a red warning flag for any Little! “Well, hello there, Brian! You look so spiffy tonight?!? Very handsome!” “I had dinner with my boss tonight to celebrate a project at work.” “Well, aren’t you such a big boy! Not like my little Dillon!” Harper giggled, and it was creepy, before she said, “Well, I guess he is a little bigger than you!” “Umm... yeah...” Connor was squirming realistically, and then Harper made eyes on him, seeming to practically be dreaming of stripping and diapering him right outside! That made Beth want to rip her eyeballs out! “Say, speaking of dinner, how about you come over tomorrow night for dinner at our place? I’m a great cook!” Connor did a great job of looking calm while wanting to run away as quickly as possible. He said in a very quiet voice, “Unfortunately, I think my boss will want me to stay late tomorrow. May I take a raincheck?” “Sure, cutie! Offer’s always open!” Right then, Connor walked quickly and didn’t seem suspicious in the doors. “Cut!” “Sebastian, we need to do that again, I don’t like the angles as Harper is talking to Connor. Could we maybe have her bend down to talk to him for most of the conversation?” “Harper, what do you think?” Sebastian asked. “Sure, it’ll seem more normal, like I’m talking to some kid on their level?” “Great! Take two, everyone!” Beth watched as they ran it four more times before they were satisfied. Then they had to run Connor hopping in an elevator to run twice before Sebastian said, “Connor, go ahead and get changed out of that costume and take off with your fan club over there?” Connor blushed but said, “Thanks, Sebastian! You said eight tomorrow morning, right?” “Please, it will take us a couple hours to get you prepped tomorrow.” “Sounds good!” Beth watched him run off as the crew worked to reset to work on one of the two catch-up scenes they were supposed to film tonight. She could see everyone was getting tired and hoped they’d manage it all still! I WAS RELIEVED to be done for the day, but I was also nervous knowing that we had finished the last ‘grown-up’ scenes I was involved in. I hurried to change out of the costume, put my school uniform back on, and hurried back out to the quartet who were waiting on me. “Why are you all here?” I asked as we exited into the hallway. “We’ll talk at dinner, Connor. We need to hurry up and grab your bags from the dorms, and then we can take off.” Grandma said. “Make sure you zip up that coat; it’s cold outside!” I nodded and did my best to keep up with the taller women for part of the walk before Grandma sighed, “Connor, we need to move a little faster; I’m going to give you a ride. Addy, we’ll meet you at the restaurant?” “Sounds good!” Grandma hurriedly carried me to the dorm, and a quick look at my watch showed me we were under an hour from when I was supposed to be in the dorm for the night. “Am I allowed to go to dinner?” I asked her quietly. “Yes, for tonight, it’s a weekend, and you’re with me. I got a blanket permission request set for you last week for things like this each weekend.” I nodded, fully trusting her. Everyone was missing in the nest, and I assumed there must have been a movie or they were playing games somewhere in the dorm. I used the restroom again before gathering my backpack and the few things I needed to take for the weekend. “That everything?” She asked me. I nodded, “I think so?” “Okay, come here,” she said and picked me up again, carrying me down the elevator and past some of the other Little students who gave me a wary look. We left the dorm and were at her car in record time. She sat me on the ground long enough for me to pull my bag off to place it inside the car before putting me in the rear-facing seat. I sat still and patiently waited while she moved to the driver’s seat and programmed the destination. “Please navigate to the restaurant, Sapphire Sea,” Grandma said, engaging the autopilot and then turning to make eye contact with me through the monitor above my seat. “They’ll hopefully get there about the same time.” “What is this restaurant?” “It’s one Addy suggested; I guess she and Cameron would go occasionally when they were in school. I don’t think that we’ve ever tried it?” “Seafood, I assume?” “Yes, that’ll be it.” “Mom used to always tell me about the ridiculous sizes of things here with animals and fish.” Grandma laughed, “My favorite thing we ever did will forever be an early trip where she got to swim with the dolphins in Selegnasol.” “She showed me the pictures before I left. Those might as well be whales back home compared to me!” “Too bad the rest of that trip was such a problem.” “That’s where you all met Aunt Bella, right?” She nodded, “We adopted her thinking to save her from a stewardess but ended up in that mess with that horrible Venture group…” She sighed and seemed to wipe a tear out from her eye, “That was a nightmare!” I nodded, “Mom told me about a lot of it, but I’m guessing she kept some of the worst from me.” “I certainly hope she did,” Grandma said. “Some things should never be repeated.” “We are approaching your destination!” the car said a moment later. The car pulled into a parking space, and Grandma soon had me on the ground, walking beside her into the restaurant. Beth, her mom, and the unknown woman were already waiting at the hostess stand. “I thought we might have beat you over here,” Grandma told them. Beth snorted, “Have you seen Mom drive?” “You and your dad are such chickens,” her mom kidded her. “Mom, you’re one of the only people I know who still drives manually. Not only do you drive manually, but you also have two speeds: stopped and the speed of light! Lance is horrible, but even he admits you’re terrifying!” “Sylvester, party of five?” the hostess interrupted. “Right here,” Beth’s mom said. The waitress saw me as we walked to the table, “I’ll be right back with a highchair…?” “Just a booster seat, please,” Beth said. “Are you sure?” she asked the other women. Beth rolled her eyes, “He’s an adult, not a baby. Bring a booster seat!” “Be polite,” her mom reminded her as the waitress left. “We can ask for one for you, too, if you’re going to act rude like that?” “Sorry, Mom, it’s been a long week!” Beth said, clearly nervous it wasn’t a bluff! “I can see that,” she nodded. A few moments later, a booster seat reappeared, and both child’s and adult menus were delivered for me. “Where are my manners?” Beth’s mom said, “Connor, this is Nikki.” “Nice to meet you,” I said politely. Beth sighed and looked at me from beside me where she’d sat, “She’s my new bodyguard…” “Sorry,” I said. As we looked at the menu, I wanted something off the adult menu, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could finish one of the plates I saw wandering by us. Beth looked at me, “You want to split something?” I looked at her, “Would you get enough?” She smiled, “I don’t eat as much as a Big like my siblings, so I often save by ordering child portions. We can easily split something?” “Okay, what…?” “Why don’t you pick? What sounds good?” I looked over the page and suggested a meal with shrimp scampi and some sauteed scallops with some veggies and rice. “Sounds good!” She told me with a smile. We all received drinks and made some small talk when Nikki asked me, “Umm, Connor?” I was surprised to even have her address me from the other side of Beth’s mom. “Yes?” “I’m going to have some more questions for you about the other day later when we’re out of public, but I’m curious… Did your mom teach you anything that her grandpa taught her?” I smiled, instantly understanding what she meant by her background, “All of my siblings worked with her and are all accomplished in several arts.” She smiled back at me, “We might have to see what she taught you sometime?” “I’d love to practice against someone here,” I told her. “Especially since I’ve already had to use that knowledge.” She nodded, “I’m going to go with you guys to campus tomorrow, and then Amanda’s tomorrow night with you guys. I’ll see what we can do this weekend.” Grandma looked at us both, “No hurting each other.” “You’re not going to tell her just not to hurt Connor?” Beth’s mom asked. I smirked, and Grandma said, “If her mom taught her, it’ll be a mutual concern. Stacy was vicious!” She looked thoughtful but nodded, “I guess she was… I remember that graduation incident.” Right as we were about to continue talking, the waitress appeared. “What can I get you all?” She started with Grandma, then went to Addison, then Nikki, and then Beth ordered for us, “We’re going to share this plate. Could you bring a second plate for us to split?” “Sure thing,” she said with a smile. “Since it’s with the cutie, I won’t even charge the split plate fee here. I’ll get those menus out of the way.” “So, besides all of this stupidity, how do you like school here?” Beth’s mom asked me. “I love the technology, the advanced math, and all of the cool things with HoloTech that I’m learning!” I said with a smile. “He means all of the voodoo math and crazy physics things he’s studying,” Beth shook her head beside me. “I keep telling you it’s not voodoo?” She laughed at me. “Professors treating you okay then?” Grandma followed up. I nodded, “I know Mom dealt with a couple real ‘winners’ when she was here, but all of mine have been pretty friendly.” The four of us were far more active in the conversation, but Nikki contributed occasionally. I sensed she was a ‘friend of the family’ from her studying with my great-grandfather here and probably from being with Mom. When I did the math, including the rejuve treatment that was mentioned, in my head, I figured she must have been between like eleven or so when she met her. ‘I bet Mom remembers her at least!’ I thought. “Grandma, I mean to ask…” I was about to bring up Lilly’s mysterious mother when the plates of food arrived. My eyes grew as wide as possible and then some more!!!! The ‘scallops’ I looked at looked practically like hamburgers! They were probably three inches or more in diameter and a little over two inches thick – and that was cooked!!! The shrimp were curled up, but they might as well have been some crazy large species of lobster back home! “How much do you want?” Beth asked, ready to split the plate onto a smaller one they had brought with it. “Umm… wow! Those are crazy big!” I was getting stares from the rest of the table, “I wish you could understand how odd it is to come here for the scale of things. Just when I think I’m getting used to it, something like this smacks me in the face.” “Like a wet fish?” Beth smirked. “Why are you smacking me in the face with a fish?” I asked. She just shook her head, “Never mind… I hang around with Dad too much sometimes!” “Umm… One scallop, one of those things you claim are shrimp, and some of the rice will probably be plenty?” She laughed, “Let me know if you want more!” With that, I began using an overly large knife and fork to slice through an amazingly flavorful dish! BETH COULDN’T HELP, but giggle at Connor’s face as he saw the size of the dish. She’d seen it happen when he first came weeks ago, but this was comical even compared to then! ‘To be fair, these are like some crazy rare colossal-sized species, but I’m not going to tell him that!’ She enjoyed seeing him smile as he tasted it, and she had to agree that it was pretty tasty herself! Dinner conversation hadn’t been far from typical, really, for most of the dinner from what would happen when she saw her mom or dad after being away. If she wasn’t still annoyed about the whole bodyguard thing, she’d probably admit she was just happy to have her mom there. That was the weirdest part of the night so far when Nikki talked to Connor about something that she assumed had to be martial arts. ‘He did manage to knock Kelly out completely,’ she reminded herself. ‘I thought he was nuts when he told me to go get help!’ They wrapped up the meal close to 28 O’clock and headed for the door. “Connor, why don’t you hit the restroom before we go?” Amanda suggested to him. “I’ll go that direction, too,” Beth said. She noted that Nikki was right behind her and followed her inside. Fortunately, she didn’t follow her into the stall! The five went outside, waiting for the Luxuria vehicle to pull up for her mom and Nikki. She figured she’d need to grab her bag from inside before she would follow Connor and Amanda to her car. “Beth?” Her mom said, though. “Yes, Mom?” “Would you mind terribly staying at the hotel with me tonight?” Beth wanted to say ‘no.’ And she wanted to say ‘yes…’ A look at Connor, who smiled with a nod, and she said, “Okay, but you have to make sure I get to the university on time tomorrow to shoot!” “Of course!” Her mom said, “I just want to see my daughter!” She placed an arm around her head and pulled her close to her. Not for the first time, she noted that the difference in size between her and her mother was nearly the same difference from her Connor! She hugged Amanda and Connor, agreeing to meet up with Amanda to give her the bag she’d need to stay the next night in the morning before filming, and headed to the hotel with her mom and bodyguard. “So, do you like to get any time off?” Beth found herself asking in the car. “I have a couple others who can take up the slack as needed, but I have an apartment a block from the dorm you live in rented, and I’ll just head there after each day.” Beth nodded. They pulled up to the hotel, and after grabbing her bags, they went to the room her mom had already been in. It was a suite, so she had her own bedroom, but the three sat together in a little living area. “Okay, Beth, before tomorrow, I want to discuss my rules for you if I take this job.” “Rules?” Beth asked; the near-twenty-year-old found her still teenage self balking at that word. “Yes, rules,” she said. “Nothing like I’ll rat you out if you want to go party or do something your parents don’t approve of.” “Not that you should be doing that,” her mom said, “but I want you to feel safe with Nikki.” She stiffly nodded, “So what do you mean?” “If I’m going to keep you safe, it’s really pretty simple. First, would you prefer to wear a bracelet or an ankle bracelet?” “Like some sort of criminal bracelet?” She found herself saying. “Or, do you mean like a Little tracker?!?” ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks for reading!!! Please press the 'Like' Button and leave me a comment! I'll give you a bonus on Sunday afternoon if I have at least 25 likes by Sunday afternoon! I'm finishing off a busy few weeks in the real world, so please do leave those comments! I'm hoping Sunday I can make some more progress on writing and staying well ahead of you all here! (Working on Chapter 105 right now) As always, if you enjoy my writing, please consider supporting me with a purchase of one of my published books on Amazon Kindle! https://www.amazon.com/author/babysofia

Sam wakes up the next day and has to make a difficult decision regarding the activities ahead. --- My writing is my passion and my income. I'm only able to write as much as I do because of the wonderful support from my subscribers. With the ABDL purge on Patreon hurting my income dramatically I have set up a couple of alternatives. If you enjoy my work and want to support me there has never been a time where I need it more. For $5 you can see every update to my stories one week before anyone else and for $10 you get early access PLUS access to 50+ stories EXCLUSIVE to subscribers. There are other rewards and tiers available including discounted commissions. To find out more please consider visiting one of my subscription sites. Prices, rewards and eveything else are the same across both https://reamstories.com/elfy https://subscribestar.adult/elfy Thank you for reading and supporting me and my work ❤️ --- Sam awoke to a hand prodding her diaper. Her eyes flew open as she saw Nina standing over her with a massive smile on her face. She felt frozen, all her muscles seemed to want to disobey her as she tried to move. “Aww, did the little baby go tinkles?” Nina asked in a syrupy baby voice. “Mmm… MMM!” Sam tried to respond but there was a pacifier between her lips. She tried to spit it out but it seemed like the mouth guard was stuck to her. Nina reached over the side of the crib. She seemed even bigger than usual to Sam who felt confused and as to what was happening. Nina’s large hands came down and picked Sam up off the mattress. As the covers slipped off her little body she found she was wearing a pink onesie that seemed to have materialised out of nowhere! “What a pretty little girl.” Nina said as she gently tickle Sam’s tummy, “Are you ready for nursery?” Sam wanted to ask what her friend was doing and where these clothes had come from but all she could do was babble around the pacifier. Nina cradled her in her arms and walked towards the bedroom door. Sam didn’t want her other friends to see her like this and she tried desperately to scramble away but her limbs seemed limited in what they could achieve. The door opened and Sam gasped. Instead of the living room of the lodge there was a vast lecture hall with all the seats filled. Nina’s footsteps on the floor echoed in the silent room as Sam was carried in. The little girl couldn’t even cover her humiliated face as she saw everyone watching her including, in the front row, Chrissy and Amy. “Ah, right on time.” An older male professor said as Nina carried Sam over to the front of the room, “Nina, would you kindly take it from here?” Sam was placed on a small padded table. She had no idea where it had come from but she was trembling from everything. She tried begging Nina to stop and take her out but her useless babble provoked no reaction at all. Her onesie was lifted up as she heard people taking notes. She shook her head and closed her eyes as tightly as she humanly good as she tried to cry out for help… --- “Sam! Sam! Wake up!” Sam suddenly came back to consciousness with a crash. She was panting, sweaty and laying on her front with her head in the corner between her pillows and the wall and her legs open and facing the room. Her cover had been cast to the side. It took her a few long seconds to realise she’d been having a nightmare. “Sam! Are you OK?” It was Nina standing by the crib in her dressing gown. Sam looked over shoulder. In her dream Nina had been gleefully treating her like a baby but she looked very concerned now. Sam belatedly realised she was showing her soaked diaper to her friend. Just another embarrassing encounter, one of an increasing number that Sam was having to deal with. “I think you were having a nightmare.” Nina said as Sam turned over and sat up. She noticed that a lot of the diaper’s warmth had gone but it was still very swollen almost like a pillow underneath her butt, “A bad one.” Sam nodded. She pulled her cover over and did her best to give herself some modesty. She knew Nina had already seen everything though. Nina hung around the side of the crib awkwardly as Sam tried to shake the cobwebs away from her mind. She felt like she had adrenaline coursing through her and she was still very unsettled. “Sorry.” Sam said, “I didn’t mean to worry you.” “It’s absolutely fine!” Nina replied quickly, “I was just about to step into the shower when I heard you calling out. Did you want to talk about it?” “No.” Sam said shortly. The last thing she wanted was to discuss that particular nightmare. “OK, well, do you want to come out of the crib?” Nina asked. She was already reaching over the edge anticipating the answer. Sam lifted her arms without thinking making it easier for her friend to grab her and lift her up. She hung limply in Nina’s hands as she was lifted over the rails but instead of being put straight down Nina held Sam up in front of her. She was looking at the very wet diaper with the clearly changed wetness indicator. Sam was going red in the face and loudly cleared her throat. “Sorry!” Nina quickly said as she put Sam down. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice when waking me up…” Sam muttered. “I did… Well, I didn’t… I mean…” Nina paused to collect her thoughts, “I saw that you’d put it on but I didn’t realise you’d… well, you know…” Sam thought about snapping back that if she had put it on it would only be for one reason but she held back. She couldn’t blame Nina for being weird when the situation was so strange in itself. She’d always been closest to Nina, it was no doubt difficult for her to believe what she was seeing at times. “I’ll go have that shower then.” Nina said as she picked up the towel she had draped over the end of her bed. Sam nodded. She tried not to walk about too much. She knew she looked like a baby, she didn’t need to start waddling around to reinforce that fact. She waited until Nina had closed the bathroom door and the sound of the shower started. It was only then that Sam wished she’d gone for a shower first, she felt a little gross in the wet diaper. Sam pulled at the tapes on the diaper and winced when they loudly came away from the front of the disposable. She hoped her other friends weren’t near the door, it definitely sounded loud enough to Sam to carry through to the main living area. “Damn it…” Sam exclaimed as she pulled the last tape away. The diaper dropped to the floor with a loud thump. Unlike the dry diaper she had taken off that had been very light and curled up a bit, this one was heavy and it laid on the floor completely open. The smell of urine quickly started to spread and Sam looked down to see the clearly yellowed padding. She quickly folded the diaper closed and used the tapes to stop it opening again. The smell of urine seemed to linger and Sam felt acutely embarrassed. She quickly put on some loose pants and a shirt. Strangely, there was no trash can in the bedroom. The one in the bathroom was now inaccessible so Sam’s only real option was the kitchen since she didn’t want to hang around with the used diaper any longer than she had to. Sam opened the bedroom door and could immediately hear that Chrissy and Amy were already awake and having breakfast. She closed the door again. She didn’t want to walk past them with the clearly wet diaper. They didn’t know she’d been having problems after all. Instead, she put the diaper down just under the corner of the crib so that she could deal with it later. “Morning.” Chrissy called out as Sam finally emerged from her bedroom, “Sleep well?” “Yeah.” Sam lied with a smile. “That’s good. You’ll need all your energy today.” Chrissy replied. She started pouring Sam a bowl of cereal as Sam climbed up on to one of the chairs. “Oh?” Sam asked. “Today’s the day we get the bikes we rented and cycle out into the wilderness.” Chrissy raised her eyebrows. It was clear that this less exciting activity wasn’t her choice. “It’s going to be great!” Amy gushed, “I’ve got a guidebook that says there are all sorts of rare wildlife in the area. I spoke to someone yesterday who told me where our best chance of seeing stuff is. I even got sheets for all of us to tick off when we see the animals!” Sam smiled at Amy’s enthusiasm but she couldn’t pretend she wasn’t very nervous. After the last couple of days a long bike ride where there wouldn’t be any facilities nearby was concerning. Sam’s bladder was small and that caused problems at the best of times. She knew she could just go into the trees to pee but she was still nervous. She didn’t want to be the reason the group had to keep stopping. At least it would be just the four of them. Sam ate her breakfast quietly. When Chrissy came out of the bedroom she soon took her place and took a shower. On her way through the bedroom she picked up the used diaper and dropped it in the bathroom trash. As Sam stood in the warm water she wondered what she should do. It certainly seemed like they were going to be going on a long ride and Sam’s last few accidents had left her feeling very anxious about what might happen. As Sam was drying off she happened to glance at the trash can and the diaper sitting in it. She felt like her answer might be right there. The diaper had successfully held her accident during the night, it stood to reason it could do the same during the day. It just meant she would be choosing to wear one which felt like a major thing. When Sam walked back into the bedroom she started gathering her clothes for the day. She pulled out a pair of panties and sighed. With resignation she dropped them and went to Nina’s bed where the open packet of diapers was waiting. She pulled one out and looked at it. It still felt like a big thing for Sam. The diaper she wore during the previous day hadn’t been a choice and the diaper she wore the previous night was for a practical reason. She supposed wearing one now would serve the same purpose but it felt different. Sam laid the diaper on Nina’s mattress and then scrambled up on to it. Sam found it a lot easier to position the diaper with all the light coming through the windows. She reached down and pulled it up between her legs. The tapes came close to touching each other as she closed it up. The fit was a lot better than her attempt the previous night. She sat up with the accompanying chorus of crinkles and then slid off the edge of the bed. She wasted no time in getting dressed in the baggiest pants and shirt she had. Anything to give her half a chance of keeping the diaper a secret. She already knew she couldn’t do it though, the crinkling may have sounded louder to her thanks to the paranoia but she was still certain it would be audible to anyone close to her. Looking in the mirror Sam was disheartened to see her pants were still bulging from the padding underneath them. She sighed and had the urge to take the diaper off. After the last few days though she just needed to have a normal day. The diaper made it less than perfect but if it meant she could go on the bike ride with her friends and come home again without being humiliated then it was a sacrifice she would make. “Sam?” Amy called through the closed door, “Are you nearly ready? We need to go pick up our bikes,” “Just a minute!” Sam replied. With one last deep breath as she looked at her reflection she turned and walked towards the door. To be more accurate she waddled. Hopefully the waddle was more pronounced in her brain than it actually was in real life. She had one last wobble where she nearly turned around and ripped the diaper off before reaching up and opening the bedroom door. As Sam walked back out into the living room she could immediately tell that her pronounced waddle wasn’t all in her head. All eyes swivelled to her as she waddled out nervously. It was hard to tell who was the most surprised. Sam went across to her shoes by the door and picked them up, when she turned back around she saw that the others were still watching her in shock. “Look…” Sam started as she felt she needed to explain. “Are you wearing a diaper!?” Chrissy immediately asked. Sam blushed deeply. Hearing Chrissy’s tone of voice and just having it said out loud seemed to really make this real. She slowly nodded her head as her cheeks blazed. Nina seemed to have snapped out of her shock a little as she moved to the side of the couch making room for Sam to sit down as well. This had been a foolish idea. Maybe once Sam could’ve worn a diaper without her friends thinking any less of her but it was getting to be a habit. “But… why?” Amy asked, “And where did you get them?” “Guys, I don’t think we need to give Sam the third degree.” Nina said. “I’m sorry.” Chrissy shook her head and looked genuinely apologetic, “I just didn’t expect it. Not after yesterday.” “I… just think I should play it safe.” Sam said with a shrug, “After yesterday I think this is a good idea.” “It was just a one-off though.” Amy said sympathetically, “Everyone has accidents sometimes. Remember when Chrissy had too much to drink at your birthday party?” “Hey!” Chrissy exclaimed, “I just had a few too many that night…” “It’s OK.” Sam’s mouth twitched into a smile, “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Chrissy shrugged as she went back to getting ready whilst Amy seemed to hang around nervously. It didn’t seem like she really knew what to do with herself or even where to look. The only one who was acting remotely normal was Nina who was checking her phone. Sam assumed there wouldn’t be much reception once they were underway. “Are you sure it’s alright?” Nina asked once the others had moved away to pack some lunches in the kitchen. Nina obviously had more information than the other two. The others knew Sam had wet herself and been put into a diaper by a member of staff but Nina knew the rest of what had happened. She knew about the wet bed and how Sam had slept the previous night, she knew how deeply uncomfortable Sam felt about being viewed as anything but the most mature person in the room. “I’m fine.” Sam said again, “It’s just a precaution.” “OK, I just don’t want you to feel like you need to use them.” Nina said. She was clearly still kicking herself for buying them without Sam knowing in the first place. “I’m not saying I’m in love with the damn things.” Sam replied, “But I’m ready to admit they have their uses. I just wish everyone would stop making such a big deal about them.” “Sorry.” Nina replied. “And I wish you would stop apologising!” Sam said half-jokingly, “We’re going to have a great day. I’m sure once we get going everyone will concentrate on the ride and no one will think twice about me. Besides, according to Amy we’re very unlikely to see anyone else on this trip.” “That’s true.” Nina nodded, “Well, as long as you’re sure. You know I’ll support you in anything.” Sam felt a fluttering in her heart at the words. A strange feeling that she hadn’t felt before. A part of her just wanted to leap at Nina and wrap her arms around as much of her as was possible. To pull her down by the collar and get close to those lip. To… As Nina stood up and walked away Sam remained frozen to the spot. What was she thinking!? Nina was her friend! Sam had never felt those feelings yet alone started feeling an urge to get close to another woman like that. She knew Nina was bisexual but she herself hadn’t really thought about that sort of stuff much at all. If anything Sam had assumed she was asexual from how little she thought about it. Her face was burning up. It was just because Nina had been helping her a bunch, Sam told herself, that was all. She swallowed nervously and tried to shake any thoughts about the unwanted fantasy that had briefly invaded her consciousness. “Sam? Are you ready?” Nina asked as she picked up her backpack. Sam quickly nodded and jumped down from the couch. As she took a couple of steps Nina seemed to be thinking about something. She muttered to just give her a minute and went into the bedroom, she came out a minute later looking slightly nervous but smiling. “Come on, girls.” Chrissy said, “Let’s go get our bikes.” --- If you want to find out what happens next you can do so RIGHT NOW at either of the following links: https://reamstories.com/page/lpjgftb4y2/story/lplyymi677/chapter/bf42c623-64f4-4aee-97bf-35aa9298c536 https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1175535

I'm now able to easily keep reverse kegal relaxed state after peeing, but I still frequently find myself involuntary doing a kegal right before I start peeing. Anyone have tips for overcoming this?

Are you comforted by the sound of your diaper crinkling, or bothered that you can hear it?

Sorry this happened to you. Bad Christians are the worst.

Sorries, i'm really not going into this here and spend hours of typing to get nothing more than resistance in the end at every point. And at best convince 2 people of a system they won't participate in. I've got servers to run, and bandwidth to encrypt. Thank us in a few years,.. 😇

Sounds backwards. Being like a child, innocent, should be ok! Its the guy getting off thats tge " weirdo" Tell church leader.

Thanks for following! Yeah the 22fr is insane. 16 sounds pretty good for my weekly catheterizations. Haha yeah, I seem to wet my diaper whenever I stand up or just lean over or turn while lying down. And I noticed in the shower before I started the water after I took my diaper off that I was slowly going drip...drip...drip... Haha yeah, I think from now on I will only ever be jerking off in my diaper. I think Dr. Ivan told me this in my initial consultation, but I can't remember. Regardless, I came to know that I would have retrograde ejaculation going forward based on accounts like yours, and some research indicating any resection of the bladder neck causes this. I'm glad I'll still have the same enjoyable orgasms though! And no cleanup is good, although ironically now that I am in diapers I guess cleanup is kind of irrelevant, lol. Thanks! Yes, so far so good here! 😁 Thank you! I think I will, too. I already am. It is amazing lying here and noticing myself wetting here and there, with no sensation of it. I'm glad that so far, the leaks are small and frequent enough that my diaper gets wet gradually. At least that might help me avoid the certain types of leaks I had in past occasions when suddenly flooding a diaper. I think you're right I will never get used to it, and in so many ways, I hope I never get used to being incontinent and back in diapers. Thanks! Thank you! I will keep updating you after I am home. I admit, I never considered the certain types of travel or adventures I would not be able to do if I am incontinent. Hearing you say that you can go on the everest climb, and suddenly realizing I can never do that, just hit me hard. It makes me feel really... incontinent suddenly. I can't do that thing, because I have to wear diapers. Wow. That is kind of blowing my mind. And it gave me a huge rush of realization that I am stuck in diapers. At least, as it stands right now I am. But even if I was only slightly incontinent, I would still need to wear a diaper and couldn't do that. But... you can. Wow. That's a weird feeling. It was wetter than I expected! I don't yet have any concept of how wet I might be, based on when I put my diaper on. I was shocked that I was partly soaked. But I took it off before it was necessary, in order to take my shower.

They and Kimberly Clark don't need to. They just need to make Adult Pampers, Luvs, and Huggies.

8.5% sales tax is not what I would consider high. As a tax on hotel rooms it's actually fairly low. St. Louis has a 22% hotel room tax. My local sales tax is 9%, hotel tax is 12.5%.

Oh heck yes!!

After reading and hearing from Reddy and his experience, who is seriously considering going to Dr. Aguilar next?

@Little BabyDoll Christine@AbabeBill I would also agree: "Going Away for Awhile" could mean that you are doing other things, but you are trying to take care of your health. I am the same way. I've been dealing with: Allergies and fighting Medicaid, asking them to continue to pay for the Loratadine that I use for dealing with that, and if I don't have that medication, I have itchy watery Eyes, my eyes are red as stoplights, and I end up with all the sandy junk in my eyes. If I don't have this, my acid reflux can cause trouble, and my asthma can cause me not to be able to breathe, and this is dangerous. Will resubmit the request for coverage with additional evidence. I also take Vitamin D. I have not taken it since mid 2023, since I had to deal with the pain clinic and the diagnostic procedures that we have been using to help with my neck and head pain. Pain Clinic: Been going there since fall 2023. I have had them do Injections: One set was Trigger point, the others were part of 2-4 "diagnostic injections" which simulate what it would feel like when they do a Radio Frequency Abaision. They will find the nerves that are causing my neck and head pain, and burn them off. Supposed to work for about 2 years. During all of these, I have been tired, and recovering from these procedures, which happen on Fridays. The next ones will be March 8 and April 12, and then we will have completion there. Headache Clinic: Scheduled for this for March 27th, to find out why my headaches seem constant and recurring: Right now I'm taking 800MG Ibuprofin every 8 hours, 650MG acetaminifin every 6 Hours, Gabapentin for nerve pain 2x a day, and baclofen for pain 2x a day. I hope to find out what is causing these headaches as well. We will find out soon. Sickness: Been deaiing with sinuses, and plugged up nose, and now there is stuff in my lungs, and what I am coughing up is the consistancy of Mobil-1 MOTOR OIL. I also don't seem to feel that I have as much energy as I once had, so will see my physician on Monday, and we will deal with that. Hopefully, he'll give me something to clear all this out, and help the cough - I don't need pneumonia! I think we will catch it early enough though So, "Going Away" can help you deal with things that you need to, and it is NOT a bad thing to do it: You need to take care of yourself, because you can always come back, but you need to be healthier first! Hugs!!

This is why you need a decentralized public infrastructure and hosting. And an open and permission-less cryptocurrency. Now you are governed by unelected faceless corporations that can put anything they want in that term of service without justification, and are fully unaccountable for the harm they incur on other innocent people "just don't use it then" "just go somewhere else" That's fine for netflix. But if banks don't want to bank you, you are now outside of civil society, without a single trial and conviction by a court or jury,...

My girlfriend roleplaying as a babysitter and I roleplaying a little boy who she gets very aroused seeing me have accidents in my pants afterward she puts a way to big diaper on my skinny butt HOWEVER THIS ONE TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR ALL THIS IS WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH AND MY GIRLFRIEND TRIED IT ON ME. she had a 14fr Foley catheter and 2 small syringes without needles one to inflate the 5cc balloon of the catheter once she inserted it into my bladder the other she filled with sterile water soluble lubricating jelly and she squeezing the jelly into the "tube of the long catheter" until the jelly came out of the end being inserted in my bladder. Then she characterized me but nothing came out of the catheter in my penis the jelly was preventing it. She had me put my underwear and jeans on the end of the catheter in my underwear. she said she would take out the catheter in 2hrs if "nothing happens" I didn't know what to think about this but decided not to ruin our sexual adventure activity we already had planned for the night. She had me sitting on a bedpad on the chair and she was sitting opposite in the couch facing me and we were drinking beer and watching a movie. About a hour later I felt warm wetness in my underwear I quickly realized I was peeing my pants as I sat up I tried holding my hand on the front of my jeans squeezing my legs together but I just couldn't stop it. My girlfriend said giggling saying that it WORKS your peeing in your pants like a little boy who doesn't know what to do. I literally was helplessly wetting my pants as the catheter started emptying my bladder when the jelly dissolved. I never did that again but I had absolutely no idea when it was going to happen and when it happened I couldn't stop it

I feel like the more a Person dabbles with wearing 24/7, You reach a cross road where it's no longer a choice to wear a diaper instead of regular underwear. It gets to a point where all you want to wear is Diapers, because it becomes all you know. Wearing diapers becomes such a routine wearing regular underwear becomes strange and foreign.

The very Moment I wet myself. It just makes me feel like I habe completly left adulthood and I am finally the Baby boy I really am. Laying on my back and opening my diaper for a change. Its just sooo humiliating and regressing. And of course Baby talk. If someone talks to me not like an adult, but like a little cute Baby, I start drooling immediatly :3

I'm hopeful that I won't ever take that long to write a story again. Thanks! And it is quite incredible how many really good writers there are for ABDL stories. And the nice thing about writing in the genre is there are a surprisingly large amount of people who read it. Thanks! I'm glad you liked AMGR. Certainly not quitting my day job anytime soon, but it's nice to earn a little extra on the side. The biggest help with editing from the comments was seeing times/situations where something that I thought I had explained well wasn't quite being understood. Which let me know there were things that needed to be clarified or explained better in future chapters. That's one of the benefits of writing in a serial style. On the other hand, you can't go back to the beginning and change things easily if the ending is shaping up differently than expected. Overall, the plot remained very stable since the addition of Lisa in chapter three. The ending was always going to be Sarah moving in with her after being rescued by CPS. Thanks! I really appreciate that. Like I've said before, that's not an environment I grew up around at all, so it is nice in a way to see that the story does match how narcissists behave in real life, even if that is obviously more difficult to read about at times. Thanks! I wrote the ending for this and AMGR fairly close together. It helped tie in the themes from both of those stories. She is not a nice woman at all. I do think it is easier to notice how bad her behavior is when looking at the earlier chapters in light of what happened later. And yes, shame is not effective at all in potty training or handling incontinence.

For me it’s almost always getting on all fours and dropping my bottom a bit so that I void into the intended section of the diaper. There is nothing worse then pooping while on your back and having some leak up your back & out the top. I prefer all fours as well because I always squish once I’m done. The squish keeps things from moving around as much in the diaper and feels soooo good. For those of us who can’t / don’t change right away after a mess then “the squish” is vital. I have accidents outside of the house both while I’m standing and sitting. 99/100 bowel movements for me are in a diaper. At this point I really only notice the difference between intended movements and accidents. At 30 I’m having about 1 accident a day which is about where I want to keep things. I like being reminded that I’m diaper dependent because I have accidents but it’s nice to be able to plan and get changed quickly whenever possible to cut down on rash.

Im from the valleys i live in Treharris

Chapter Thirteen: John stirred in his sleep. He felt … drunk. Not hungover. Not quite sleep drunk. He didn't know it, but he was milk drunk. His head felt like it was stuffed with wool. Tasty, milk flavored wool. And try as he might, he just could not wake up at what his body thought was the usual time. But time here was cruel. Time here was not divided into a twenty four hour day like Johns body was used to. And whether he knew it or not, he was going to have to learn a routine. After closing his eyes for just a moment, he felt a bit less groggy. A bit less sleep drunk. He cracked open one eye with a herculean effort to see what time it was. He didn't see a clock. In fact, all that he saw was a wall of mesh. He tried to sit up, but his butt felt weird. Unpleasant, actually. He resorted to rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself up onto all fours. Then putting his hand against the mesh and leaning against it to stand up. He stopped before he could make it halfway to standing. He looked down and saw what he was wearing. He was wearing, of all things … a onesie He tried a mental exercise to think of it as a T shirt with a bottom. But what he was wearing underneath that wouldn't let his brain make the excuse. And what he was wearing underneath that onesie? Oh, it was very used. John grimaced very unpleasantly and just flopped his head back to the softly padded bottom of the playpen. His butt was still in the air rather comically, and he did not care. “I don't want to be incontinent.” He said quietly to himself, in a shallow hope that want would change his circumstance. And since that didn't make his diaper clean, and it was very uncomfortable in the position that it was in. So hoping for the best, he went limp and let his legs just splay out on their own and his hips fall to the mat. This was also deeply unpleasant. Eventually he could hear his guardian angel coming across the living room and stopping nearby and whisper “Awww. Are you still asleep?” Like a coffee dependent walrus with severe dehydration he croaked out “Yes and I am having a bad dream.” He could feel a large hand on his back, the warmth bleeding through the thing cloth covering him. And the same voice whispering “And what is your bad dream about, sweety?” “It's a bad dream about my underwear being full and gross. I would like to wake up at home in my crappy one room efficiency and deal with endless stress over bills, please." He heard a little laugh, followed by a clearing of her throat. “Maybe your Aunt has already rubbed off on you too much. Come on We have full day and I need you clean and presentable.” He felt two hands this time. They got him under the chest. He decided to stay limp. If he didn't consent to being awake, then he wouldn't have to be awake. He was hoisted onto a shoulder and his legs went around someones torso. “Arms.” Groaning was his only verbal response as he flopped an arm up and over her shoulder around her neck. “Close enough.” He was now carried into the bathroom where a towel was pulled off the rack with one hand and dropped and spread with a foot. He could hear her mumbling now “Thankfully at least having to do this on the floor ends today.” He felt himself pivot onto his back and laid on the towel on the tile floor. “Uh oh.” He groaned in an odd way that he hoped was a question. “You leaked.” Now he opened one eye and looked up, mumbling “I'm sorry. I don't want to.” She shushed him and patted him on the chest. “No sweetheart, I know about that. I mean that I don't have any overnight diapers for you and now you need a bath and I need a fresh shirt. Suddenly he wasn't as sleepy and both eyes came open, even if he wasn't quite able to speak yet. “Wha....” And then he noticed the two oddly crescent shaped stains on her shirt and gagged. She rubbed his head “Shhh. Shhh. It's all fine, it's not your fault. And this was something we needed to learn together anyway. We can fix this while we're in town and the washing machine is one room over. I'm going to run you some bath water get you cleaned up, and then get the washing machine going.” He didn't see her move, she just leaned back and stretched to turn two knobs and push something down. She looked back at him “Okay, time to get cleaned up here, and then cleaned up the rest of the way!” Johns butt was lifted and he heard some snaps being undone. He was then sat upright, causing him to grimace and shake his head side to side saying “Uhh uhh, do not like that feeling” while his onesie was pulled up and over his head, his arms just limply flopping back by his sides as he was laid back down. “You're going to be fine.” He could hear the sound of tape ripping. And suddenly cold air hit him 'down there' and he squealed “GAAA” Now he was more awake. Unfortunately that meant that he could feel himself being wiped clean. His ankles lifted effortlessly with one hand and he was wiped more. And then lifted up stark naked in front of a giant woman that was smiling as she rotated around, lowering him into the warm bath water. “I know that I promised you some bubble bath, and I know you want it because you're shy. If you remind me at the store, I'll let you pick the smell and everything, okay?” He nodded mutely, turning a bit red as she she turned back around and rolled up the dirty diaper, and putting it on top of the toilet. In a flash she was lathering up a rag and smiling “Okay, I would love to let you soak, but unfortunately I have messages that all three of our appointments are before lunch. So we're going to have to hurry. Arms!” He lifted his arms and his under arms and torso was scrubbed pretty thoroughly, then he lifted up and repeated the pattern from yesterday. Within two minutes he was clean and already had his hair rinsed. As he watched an arm pulling the stopper and the water started to quickly go away. As he was lifted up out of the tub, he was greeted with a lovely face and gentle smile. “John. You're spaced out, sweety. Are you okay?” She tried riling him up just a bit by scrubbing him vigorously with a towel. Finally he started mentally waking up “Oh. I'm not very awake yet. Coffee?” A large face came into view and he felt a cheek against his “We have to be at my family doctor in an hour. We can ask him if you can have coffee then, okay?” Groggily, he just nodded along and within moments he was standing on a towel in front of the toilet. “Do you need to potty?” He looked at the toilet and down at himself, then back up and asked “May I try?” She answered “You absolutely may.” as she shuffled the diaper back down onto the towel, out of the way, and lifted first the lid, and secondly John himself. He heard a yawn and a trickling of liquid at the same time. Both of them were coming from him. “All done?” He nodded a response, and within seconds was on his back on a fresh diaper. He started to grumble about the diaper, but stopped himself and said “Thank you for letting me go in the toilet.” Figuring that it would be best to show gratitude in hopes of getting more kind treatment in the future. After he was taped up into another diaper, she picked him up and gave him a kiss on the forehead “That was a very mature way of putting that.” He felt a bit confused by the compliment, but if it's not his world, then maybe that's a good thing. “Okay young man, off to the living room. We'll get you dressed after Momma changes and cleans up.” Well, he had his instructions and he turned to the door and waddled for moment before he managed to get a more normal stride. He couldn't shake the mental image of the stains on her shirt. That was his fault, and it was deeply unsettling. Why was this happening to him? Was it really the food? The juice certainly went through him pretty quickly. And after eggs and just innocent raw sweet peas he certainly humiliated himself. To be fair it was a lot of sweet peas. Last night before bed it was a little odd being wrapped up and given milk. But you can't possibly get more innocent than milk. Thinking of the milk brought back a memory from on the couch last night. He must have been tired, but was pretty sure he saw Kate being breastfed. He would have to ask about that today. He couldn't think of any way of asking that wouldn't be awkward, so he kind of expected to chicken out and not ask. But if the opportunity presented itself, he would ask eventually. Eventually. He plopped onto the living room floor and sat cross legged thinking about the word eventually. The fact that he was thinking the word eventually at all meant that he expected to be here for a while. A long while. It was a lot to process and apparently he was spaced out for a few minutes because Amanda came back into view, now sporting clean clothes and he could hear the washing machine going behind him. She held up some clothes “Do you want to pick what you wear, today or do you want me to pick for you? He tried to get out of his own head and think fast. What was the least childish option available to him? The shirt and stretchy pants? Was that a trap? Would that just end him up with no pants? “Ummm... maybe .. the shirt and shortall things?” Oh please let this be the best choice. Without a moments hesitation she said “Arms up!” and as he held them up he found himself in a red shirt that had a cartoonish raccoon tinkering with a toy train with a toy screw driver. Well, his choice is made, and now he was looking at some denim that looked like a short childish version of overalls. “May … May I just put them on myself?” he asked almost afraid to offend the woman that has been so good to him. She did not look hurt at all, she placed them in his hands and patted him on the head as she walked away to put the other clothes into a bag “Would you like eggs and toast for breakfast again?” He got his feet into the shorts just fine and got them up his legs fine. He called toward her “May I just have some toast please?” while he was a very strange dance of going backwards and trying to pull the back up over a very irritating diaper. He tried pulling the pants out behind him and bouncing up and down on the front of his feet. He finally got them on, but couldn't get the clips to go in all the way. Walking over to the kitchen he could smell toast. Amanda came over and looked at his clothes, but did not say a word, she simply picked him up into a hug and slid him down into the booster seat. With one quick flick from each hand at the same time, the buckles on his shortalls were clipped into place. As she went for the lap belt, he asked “Do you have to put that on me? I'm not going to fall and get hurt, you know.” She mussed his still damp hair and looked down at him, explaining “We have to get into this habit. Our home is going to be inspected soon and one slip up and you'll have to go in a high chair. Would you prefer the lap belt, or the high chair?” John didn't even answer, he grabbed the ends of the lap belt and fumbled a bit to line them up and push them in. It was alarming how HARD he had to push, but the ends did click into place. He looked up at her with a smile “Lap belt is good. I like the lap belt.” He was smiling on the outside, but holding in a lot of stress. Why should he have to be locked to a chair like a toddler? While she walked away to get toast, he experimentally pushed the release button. He pushed some more, and then gave up. How strong ARE these amazons, this is nuts! The sight and smell of toast being put in front of him distracted him, so he looked up and said “Thank you very much” before reaching out and grabbing a piece of toast in both hands. He bit into it with a crunch and had to admit to himself that it was very savory. Maybe the bread where he was from was too sweet. But this buttered toast was just plain and simple and good. Also a corner of it fell off and landed in the dogs mouth. “Young man, I saw that!” He went back to munching on his thick buttered toast, frowning when some butter got onto his nose, he tried wiping his arm against his nose discretely. Then came the exasperated “Son, please don't get butter everywhere, we have to leave the house in a few minutes.” Only now did he look over and see Amanda at the counter munching on her own toast while cleaning things up and shoving some things into a bag. A big bag with a shoulder strap. And puppies printed on the side. Suddenly he wasn't hungry enough for the second piece of toast. He nibbled on a corner for show and then put if back and said “I'm full now.” He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the sippy cup in front of him. Great big ol' green sippy cup. Full of cold juice. He could see the condensation starting to bead up on the outside. John looked down at his diaper. Then reached back and grabbed the side of the chair to twist around and looked at the playpen he woke up in. Then spun back around to look a what he was very certain was a diaper bag. Now, John would never claim to be the smartest person in the room. And he wasn't really the dumbest person around. But he was sometimes slow on the uptake. And gears were starting to move in his head. They were a bit squeaky, but move they did. He was nervous. His hands and feet were shaking. He could feel his chest shaking. Should he say something? Would saying something make things worse? What had he wandered into? He remembered promising his boss that he would be careful and stick to known trails. Shaky hands went up to his head, and he tried to pull his feet up, but the booster seat kept him from curling up into a ball. Off somewhere in the distance, he heard “Okay sweety, it's time to … oh no.” Suddenly Amanda was there and the buckle that he had struggled with was undone with a flick. He was immediately lifted up and his face was buried in a shoulder. There was hair in his face. But she smelled nice. He tried to focus on the fact that she had obviously gotten up early to get things ready and let him sleep. But it wasn't working. He tried to think about the dog. He tried to think about Kate. Kate and her pacifier and her diaper and that look she got when she talked about getting lost and being scared. He had been so star struck with how cute she was and how bouncy her .. Mommy … was. He started to cry. He tried to wrap his arms and legs around the amazon holding him and squeeze her tightly. There was a warm hand moving slowly up and down his back. He could hear a slow, rhythmic breathing over the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears. “Shhh, deep breaths. In... Out.... In … Out...” He tried to mimic the breathing. Had he been hyperventilating? Maybe he was. His hands and legs were definitely still trembling. This slow breathing continued for a few more minutes and when he was finally calm he went limp. There was a whisper in his ear “I'm sorry sweety, but this is going to be a busy day. I'll be here with you every step of the way, and I'll try to help you stay calm and explain everything as best I can. I know it's scary, but I need you to be brave for me. Can you do that?” For the life of him, John had no idea why that was so reassuring when he had no idea what was going on, but he nodded into her shoulder and was rewarded with a pat on the back and a “Good boy. Let's wipe you off, blow your nose and get some shoes on you.” She put him down and patted his head before snagging a towel off of the counter and making a little show of wiping off his face and giving him a mom style smirk while wiping the butter off of his forearm. Then came a tissue and the simple command "Blow." “Okay, grab your juice and meet me at the door.” he hesitated “Pronto mister” For reasons he didn't yet understand, that got him into gear and he went to the table, grabbed his sippy cup and even managed to beat her to the door. She opened the door for him and said “Go sit on the steps, and we'll put some sock and shoes on you.” Out the door he went and he sat on the top step. Amanda came outside and handed him some socks. He took them and while he was putting them on, she held out a pair of blue and white sneakers a little cartoon hedgehog on the back. “Do you need help with these?” He looked around. He had boots that she had seen him tie himself. Why would she even think to ask that? He just shook his head no and took the sneakers from her and shoved his feet into them. Pulling the laces hard to tighten the shoe, he ran the laces over and under one another and pulled that tight. These laces were stiff, it was like there was a spring in them or something and they were really hard to make a bow out of. He turned his foot sideways and looked at the bottom of the shoe and it said “Little Shores” Okay, this was made for littles, so surely a little should be able to tie it. But every time he made a bow and tried to pull it through, it just popped out. “This is ridiculous” he mumbled. “Do you want to try to tie them in the car, or do you want me to them just this once because we're in a hurry?” She offered. She sounded completely sincere, so he just nodded and asked “Can you … please tie them for me just this once?” And like that both of his shoes were tied in a flash. What he struggled with she did in four seconds flat. She stood up and grabbed the bag. Okay, the diaper bag, and held out a hand to him “Come on, let's get moving.” He reluctantly reached up and took the hand. Something in the back of his min was screaming at him as he walked along holding her hand, with a sippy cup in his other hand and she had a diaper bag on her opposite shoulder. But he didn't feel like he had any choice in the matter. In fact he was pretty sure that he had no choice whatsoever. They went through the tall wooden gate, and it was not lost on him that the latch was at the height of her neck. Well out of his reach. They walked out of the gate and he waved goodbye to Xerxes as she shut and latched it behind them. When he turned around from waving goodbye to the dog, he found himself looking at a perfectly normal looking sedan. Plain gray colored Sedan, no bells or whistles. Only as they got closer he could see that he only came up to the door handle. “Oh that's just big” he mumbled to himself. As she opened the back passenger door and slid the diaper bag onto the floorboard in front of the seat, he was left staring at … a carseat. A carseat. It was a big hunter green affair with mutely colored shaped all over it. It was facing backwards. And it was obviously in boyish colors. It was absolutely there waiting for him. He stood there frozen on the spot as she turned and picked him up. “Okay, so I know this is not what you were expecting from a car ride, but you are too small for a booster seat. Kate rides in one like this. I'm going to buckle you in so we can go now, okay?” He didn't respond, he was just staring at it. So eventually she had to give up and lower him into it. As she fiddled with the five point harness, he held out his hands to try to stop her. But they were brushed aside and the seat belt was clicked in any way. Then his sippy cup was laid in the carseat next to him and she was gone, replaced by a closed car door. The instant she disappeared he tried pushing himself against the straps with his arms and legs, using his torso to force the straps out. That didn't work. So while Amanda was getting in the drivers seat he started trying to push down on the big red button on the buckle. He was pushing so hard his knuckles were turning white from the effort while the car started. In fact, he was twisting in place and shoving with all his might against the straps when the car started moving. He could hear a throat clearing “I see that young man.” He looked up and saw a mirror facing the front and what he guessed was a mirror on the visor so she could see back. “Please stop struggling so much. I have to explain some things to you.” With one last final HEAVE he gave up and flopped back “Why a carseat?” He already suspected the answer as he got it: “For your safety. Things are much bigger here.” With a bit of a huff he picked up the sippy cup and started sucking on it. He hadn't had anything to drink yet and he was parched. So he contented himself with his only distraction for the moment. His only stimulus were a sippy cup and a mirror. And the mirror didn't even face the road. She asked him softly “Are you done pouting?” He answered back “I am not pouting” “You are absolutely pouting. But I kind of understand. So l need you to listen very closely to something, okay? Can you do that for me?” With one last defiant pull from his cup to delay answering, he put the cup against his side in the car seat and answer “Yes Ma'am.” She took a deep breath and honestly looked like she was preparing herself for something uncomfortable. How can this be uncomfortable for her? She's not in a carseat. He tried to shuffle around a bit, but the seat was padded on the sides and he kept just … sliding right back into the middle. It was even like there was a divot where his butt was for the diaper. Honestly, his options were to look up at the mirror, or drink from his sippy cup. She started trying to explain: “Okay. You know you're not in your dimension any more. I've already told you that rift littles are pretty uncommon. But there ARE littles your size here. But they are not … quite like you are used to. And Amazon society can be very strict, even with other amazons. Some littles, and it's not their fault, just get kind of swept up in things beyond their control. And they need some taking care of. It's not their fault and honestly no one should blame them for it.” He had been sort of starting at the mirror while she talked and interrupted her “You mean they need taking care of … like a baby?” “Okay, first of all, I will not treat you like a baby. Unless you want me to. As long as you act in a mature way, I promise to treat you in the most mature way that I can. You can't exactly reach the knobs on the back of my stove to turn it on without reaching over it and cooking yourself the instant you turn the knob, for example. Again -” “Not your fault” He said it with her in unison this time, and in the same tone. “Hey, don't you get smart with me.” “... Sorry” He could feel the car turning and then speeding up. He figured they were on some sort of highway or main road. She continued “Okay, so some littles need more help than others. And when you combine that with an Amazons urge to mother everything in sight … “ As she trailed off, he asked “Then you get careseats?” “We already have them for amazon children. If you were asked to invent a new wheel, what shape would it be?” “Uhhhh.... round?” He probably didn't look like he understood, but he thought he had the gist of it. “So you can't really reinvent the wheel.. it's there. It works. Just go with it. So yes. Carseat.” “Okay, that's fair.” “Speaking of, is your carseat comfortable?” He scooted around and tried to get UNcomfortable on purpose, but kept sliding right back into a cradled position with even his knees being held gently by the cushioning. After trying to defy the logic of the question he admitted “It's very comfortable.” He could see her nod in the mirror while watching the road. “It works and it's comfortable. That's the utilitarian side of Amazon society. A side that can be taken to extremes every so often. So … we are going to the Doctors Office, then to the Adoption Center, and then to a store that sells furniture sized for littles.” He nodded at first but then asked “Hey, why do I have to go to a doctor anyway? I'm healthy enough.” He could see her shaking her head “That's not good enough. I want you checked out, and I want a piece of paper from the doctor to bring with us to the Adoption center to show to the LPS to prove that we're taking your health seriously.” “So why are we going to an adoption center, anyway?” he was afraid of this elephant in the room, but had to ask. She answered coldly “Because if we don't do this, LPS will come to the house with police and take you from me and put you in a nursery. And then someone will come and just picky ou and take you home and they are honestly likely to treat you more like an infant than a toddler.” It took some time to process that cold statement of fact. “But … why would someone treat me like a baby?” “John, I'm very sorry... but you're about to see some things that are going to scare you. Some littles act like small children. Some littles get turned into them. Our birth rate is very low, and frankly you have no idea what our maternal instincts are like. I moved out of town to get away from it all. I promise to explain that to you some other day if you want to know why, but this is absolutely not the time.” Okay, now he was getting scared. “But .. you can't just treat an adult like a baby!” He could hear her sigh from the front of the car, but she didn't answer for several minutes, leaving him with a lot to think about … while in a diaper … in a carseat... holding a sippy cup. “Is that why the diapers?” he finally broke the silence. She shook her head “No sweety, that's genuinely because the juice, the milk, some of the food... I'm sorry but the cards are stacked against you. Your Aunt Cat can explain it better than I can. I just know that our food and milk has a load more nutrients than you need, so littles tend to live long healthy lives. As long as we pay some attention to what you eat. Bit of juice, milk twice a day, brush your teeth frequently, and you're likely to stay very healthy indeed.” He kind of mulled that over “Is that why the sweet peas … umm...” “It's okay sweety, you can say you had an accident.” He just let that trail off and refused to think about it again as he felt the car turn, then turn again, then turn one last time and come to a stop. The engine stopped and she got out of the car. A moment later the door opened and she was rubbing his head and giving him a warm smile “Okay Sweety, ti's already been a thirty minute drive. That seemed way faster than normal since I had someone to talk to. We're going to bring you in to see Doctor Galanis. You might see some other littles in the lobby that are … not as mature as you are. I need you to stay as calm as you can. If you start to feel stressed, squeeze my hand and Mommy will hold you to help you calm down again. Are you ready?” He answered honestly: “No?” She immediately unbuckled him picked him up. He was lifted up out of the (admittedly) comfortable seat, and then placed standing on the sidewalk next to Amanda. She grabbed the diaper bag and knelt down in front of him so that her face was only a bit above his own. “Okay. One more thing. Amazon society frowns on … Maybe if can put it this way. If you need to get my attention, either take my hand, or address me as Mommy. Littles call their caretaker Mommy here and just blurting out my name in public might get you a bit more than frowned at. You don't have to call me Mommy at home, but I'd really rather you didn't get spanked in public, okay?” He must have had a blank stare because everything she said made no sense. He felt her pat him on the cheek. “Sweety?” “Ummm... Call you Mommy?” he stammered out. She nodded “You don't have to do it at home now, but we're in public. Just .. You'll see . Promise me that you'll just do your best and I'll get you through this safe and sound and we'll be back home in no time. Okay?” He nodded mutely. He guessed maybe some amazons were loud or pushy. Maybe he was going to see some of that today. He took a deep breath and nodded again, this time more confidently. Yeah, he could handle this. It wouldn't be that bad. She held out her left hand and wiggled her fingers at him “C'mon big guy, let's take the first step toward keeping you safe.” So he reached up and took her hand and walked along with her. He felt kind of like a toddler, If he was honest. It wasn't a good feeling, but it was all he had at the moment. As they entered the doctors office, everything looked normal. Lobby with a row of chairs on each side. Window for checking in straight through from the door. Door on either side that probably only opened from the inside. Handful of people in the lobby. All completely normal. This is easy. The two of them went up to the window and the glass slid open sideways. All he could see from his view was a head of curly brown hair. He heard “Name?” “Taylor.” “Date of birth?” “Oh, yesterdays date.” He heard some loud clacking as someone typed on the other side of the window. And then he heard a gasp and she exclaimed “Oh! Little John?” Now the head came out of the window and peered down at him with a BIG smile. “Hello cutie! Did you get a new Mommy?” He scooted around behind Amanda for safety. He couldn't even control his urge to swallow hard. “Awwww” she cooed and looked back up “He's a shy one isn't he?” Amanda nodded “Yes Ma'am, he's a bit shy like his Momma. We're here for a checkup, since he got lost out in the cold.” “Oh, yeah. Poor thing needed an adult to take care of him!” and he could hear more clacking coming from inside the window. “Okay, if you'll take a seat, it won't be a couple of minutes. Your doctor is actually just getting here and your cutie is up first!” Amanda nodded and then looked down at John “Please say thank you to the nice lady” He looked up at her, trying to plead with his eyes, but it looked like she had a mask on. She looked like an entirely different person than she did in the car. He swallowed nervously and looked up to see the same face coming out of the window again. He gave a little wave and barely squeaked out “T..thank you Ma'am” For some reason she clapped and giggled, repeating “Such a cutie.” and the window slid shut. Amanda lead him to the chair nearest the front and she picked him up and put him in a chair next to her. For just a brief moment, the mask slipped and she whispered “You're doing fine.” O...kay .. all he did was tell a stranger 'Yes Ma'am.' While she was comfortable sitting and waiting quietly, Johns eyes wandered around the lobby, looking at the other people waiting around. That woman had a baby carrier on the floor in front of her. Lady in the corner had a stroller. A new woman walked in with a baby carrier. As she set the baby carrier down John caught a look at the baby in the stroller. Bald and drooling, the baby inside was was gnawing on teething ring. And then they locked eyes with each other. The baby stared at him unnervingly. Something was wrong … something was VERY wrong. He broke eye contact and looked at the stroller in the corner. And then the baby carrier across from him and then back to the drooling baby in the carrier by the front window. The door that they were sitting next to opened and he heard “Taylor!” Amanda got up and held her hand out to John. He couldn't make his body move, he was shaking now. He had to be wrong. There's no way that was an adult. Amanda gave up on him moving and picked him up. As he was carried through the door the baby in the carrier maintained eye contact all the way up until the door swung shut. He was carried into a room with cartoon animals on the walls, there was was a char in the corner, an exam table that patients would sit on. A table with a computer, a cabinet with supplies. All of this seemed normal... except there was a playpen in the corner. He figured that could be normal enough, some people have have kids. Amanda placed him butt down on the exam table and stood next to him mussing his hair up gently while the nurse looked over a chart. The nurse leaned down with a smile and said “Okay little one, we need to check your blood pressure, and your temperature. Can you let me borrow your arm?” Okay, this was mundane enough, he could do this. He held out his arm and she put a little cuff on it, and then it inflated and stayed in pace. Then she said in that same cheery tone “And temperature” so he opened his mouth out of habit and she laughed and said “No sweety, use a forehead thermometer for the babies. Hold still. Being called a baby after what he just saw made the anxiety kick back up to an eight out of ten. He stayed still while she got his temperature and when she checked the blood pressure, she observed out loud “Uh oh, someones blood pressure seems to be a bit high.” John wanted so badly to say something clever like 'you think!?' but he couldn't make his mouth move, he was practically frozen in place. Salivating and swallowing nervously. He must have had a look, because the nurse read him plain as day and asked Amanda “New little?” Amanda nodded with a big smile “I've only had him a few days! Poor thing is still really nervous about a lot of things.” The nurse nodded to Amanda and then held out her hands “Come on baby let's get your height and weight.” He looked at Amanda and she just nodded at him so he let the nurse untie his shoes and take them off. And almost went ragdoll when she picked him up. He was stood up on onto a scale with a sliding weight and then a little arm was swung out and moved down on top of his head. He instinctively took a deep breath and tried to look tall. All that achieved was was a laugh from both the nurse and Amanda. He couldn't help slumping like he was deflating a little. The nurse picked him back up and put him on the exam table and said “You can be a big boy and put your shoes back on now. So while he was pulling his shoes back on and fighting with the laces, he heard the nurse say “Doctor Galanis will be in very soon, He's just getting his paperwork and order, and honestly hitting the coffee pot.” Amanda nodded knowingly. “Yes, it is a bit early. We had breakfast on the run. And someone, who I will not name, was trying to feed his breakfast to the dog.” John just sat there mumbling a bit still fighting with the shoelaces in silence. Every time he would make the loop to pull it would just fly out of his hands. Combine this with everything else and he was starting to get more and more upset. And while Amanda was respecting his want to do it by himself, this is when the doctor walked in. An older amazon with salt and pepper hair walked in holding a tablet in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. Towering over the other two amazons in the room, the doctor nodded to Amanda as he walked in and she stood up and shook his hand “Hello Doctor Galanis, it's nice to see you!” “Miss Taylor, it's almost time for your checkup too, you know. But for now, let's take a look at your little boy here.” John felt a bit incredulous at the title but was hyper focused on doing at least one task correctly. His hands were shaking at this point. And they just talked about him like wasn't there anyway. “Let's see...Oh, new to our dimension? Was he vaccinated before he came through the portal?” the Doctor asked. Amanda shook her head “He wound up here completely on accident. He came through a rift.” John looked up just in time to see the doctors eyebrows go up “Oh. Well okay then. We can start vaccines right now and you can bring him back once a month. We should have him caught up in six months. Where did you find him, and do you have any concerns?” Amanda nodded, speaking FOR him again “I found him out in the woods. He had been lost and shivering for at least half a day.” “Ah. Let's give him a listen then.” said the doctor while taking his stethoscope off of his shoulder “Would you be so kind as to unfasten his shortalls and we'll check him out?” Amanda nodded “Yes Sir.” and turned to unbuckle his shortalls. John immediately let go of his shoelaces and tried to beat her to the punch by grabbing the top of his shortalls and pushing down on the strap with shakey hands to unclip it. He mumbled “come onnnnnn” to himself but it just would not go down to come off. Finally Amandas hand came into his view while he was focused on his task. With just a flick one side was off, and the moment he dropped his hands incredulously, she moved to the other side and it was off in a flash, leaving it to fall to the table below him. “Arms up!” John just looked at her and then the doctor, still feeling not only nervous, but frustrated. And still scared. “Arms up, sweety.” and finally she just grabbed his shirt and firmly lifted until it came up, along with his arms. “I'm sorry Doc, he just gets a little scared. He's usually climbing things and helping in the garden, and he even went in the potty twice.” The doctor leans and looked at the still untied shoes and nodded “Well it's good that he can tell when he needs to go sometimes. That means that any Maturosis is only light. That's pretty rare these days!” Amanda just nodded along, but John just looked back and forth between the two of them before asking “What is MatuAAHH” he lost his train of thought when a cold stethoscope half the size of his hand was pressed against his back. “Deep breaths big guy. In.... out … in … out...” John did his best, but every time the cold object was moved to a new spot he shivered all over again. And finally the onslaught ended. And he was left full on shivering. “Okay, his lungs seem clear, and he's not running a fever. He might be a bit nutrient deficient. Make sure he gets plenty of milk twice a day. Full bottle at lunch, full bottle at bedtime. As long as you can keep him from running around in the cold, he should be healthy enough. Let's see, according to his chart he is … four foot eight and about 70 lbs. Oh, scrawny little thing.” John couldn't help himself. “Hey, I'm not scrawny!” Doctor Galanis laughed “Ah, there's his voice. I thought I would have to put mute in his Maturosis synptoms." The doctor gave him a pat on the head “It's not your fault, you're just a bit little. Your new Momma will take good care of you.” John started to open his mouth until he felt Amanda pat his thigh firmly in warning. So he shut his mouth and sulked. “Okay, the nurse is coming in now, and we're going to give him two vaccines today. He's lucky he wound up with you instead of in the city. The Amazonian Flu has killed six littles this year. And being unvaccinated, he wouldn't have stood a chance.” John heard the door open and the nurse come in, and turned to look. He was still shaking when she came in. When he saw the needles she was carrying his panic level went from eight out of ten straight to eleven. And for the second time in as many hours he started breathing faster and getting worked up to a panic. As the nurse turned to him with the needle, Amanda was also looking at him with some concern. He was staring at the needle in her hand and started scrabbling back along the table to get away from her and that needle. It's too much, he wanted away. He started hyperventilating right there in front of everyone so heavily he started to choke on his own saliva, scrambling back along the table so desperately that his untied shoes came off and his shortalls came halfway down his legs and bunches up at his knees. Paper crinkled almost deafeningly under him. He didn't even see Doctor Galanis dash out of the room. Amanda was grabbing at one of his arms and one of his legs to try to pull him to her saying “shhh, shhh, come here, come here” while the nurse put the needle down and was trying to grab him before he could fall off of the back of the table. By the time they both had their hands on him it was over, he squirmed and tried to roll like an alligator but he felt may as well have been a doll to them. Somehow they had gotten him wrapped around Amandas torso and he was shivering against her. And refused to breath along with her. He couldn't even hear her, he just kept getting flashes of someone his size with no teeth, and waking up in a playpen and anything his brain could conjure up to panic about. Doctor Galanis strode right back in holding a pacifier and held it out to the nurse, saying “Here, this is dipped in Littles paste, it will stop his panic attack. Get that in his mouth now! And then began the dance. He was held tightly to Amanda and trying to turn his head to the side to bury his face in her neck. The nurse was following him with the pacy. Doctor Galanis simply stepped forward and pressed his stethoscope to the small of Johns exposed back. THAT made him gasp and immediately the pacifier was in his mouth. He tried to push it out with his tongue, he tried to turn his head. He tried to bite it in half as hard as he could. He even tried screaming at the top of his lungs, but he coudn't even take a deep breath while hyperventil.... … … he slowed down. The taste of Strawberry filled his mouth. He was still shivering uncontrollably, but he started to calm down. His breathing slowed down and he closed his eyes. Strawberries are good. I can do strawberries. He had absolutely no idea why he was panicking. He had Amanda. He had strawberries. He could feel the nurse pushing the front of the pacy and forth a bit with her finger making him suck on it. That made the strawberry flavor stronger. So he sucked on the strawberry flavoring. He could barely make out what was being said behind him as Doctor Galanis spoke with Amommda. John closed his eyes. He was spent.

Chapter 9: That Bully I started the school day with a clear plan of action on how to avoid any further accidents. Having been working to potty train Emilia for the past year-and-a-half, I had a pretty good sense of all the different strategies and techniques for getting someone to relieve themselves on a toilet rather than in their pants. I didn’t really want to think of what I was trying to do with myself as potty-training – that term just felt demeaning when used with someone older than a toddler – but that was technically what I was trying to accomplish. I also didn’t really want to think about the fact that my potty-training attempts with Emilia had been, well, rather less than successful. While the day began with apprehension over wearing a pull-up to school, I had grown more confident in my plan once I realized that everyone around me was completely and fully oblivious to the fact that I was wearing it. My racing heart calmed down and in my mind I was again going through the plan I had formulated for the day and the rules of my own that I intended to follow. First, I was going to use the bathroom on a set schedule. I didn’t have a potty-training watch, like the one Emilia wears that reminds her to go to the bathroom every thirty minutes. However, my class schedule was a good enough substitute. As much as I might like to go to the bathroom after every fifty-minute class period, I didn’t care for the considerable attention that would draw from my friends. I needed to get back to the point where holding off on going to the toilet wasn’t going to be a big deal. If I could try and use the bathroom at the start of school and then after every other period, that gives me enough bathroom breaks without appearing that something was off. I might break that schedule in an emergency, but I was going to do my best to follow it. I was not going to allow myself to use a hall pass to leave class early to go to the bathroom, either. Next, I needed to control what I drank. I still had to stay hydrated, especially with cheerleading, but drinking too much at any one time would be bad. That meant I instead needed to drink lots of small amounts of water throughout the day, so I could be hydrated without overwhelming my bladder all at once. The last part of the plan was the one I was most uncomfortable about. That’s the pull-up I was wearing. After the trio of accidents and many other close calls over the past two days, I couldn’t risk anyone noticing if I did have an accident, especially at school. However, I was not going to use the pull-ups on purpose again. Once was more than enough. The purpose of wearing the pull-up was that it gave me leeway to try to hold my bladder during class without running off to the bathroom, since if I didn’t succeed the pull-up would conceal my accident. I began my plan with a stop at the bathroom before the start of our first class. Samantha, who was stuck as being one of the first students picked up by the bus, also needed to go to the bathroom, and Desi, who didn’t need to go, hobbled to the bathroom with her crutches in an act of solidarity. I managed to get a decent amount of pee out, which made my odds of surviving until second period was over without an accident rather promising. --- So far so good. Until today, the phrase “relieving yourself” had never quite made sense to me, but as I sat on the toilet following the end of fourth period, relief was a fully accurate description of how I was feeling. It was strange, sitting in the bathroom stall, using the toilet while staring down into the pull-up hanging between my legs. I’d tucked it down into my jeans, since I didn’t even want to chance that someone might get a glimpse of my pull-up through the gap between the wall and the bathroom stall door. The interior padding of the pull-up remained white. I’d not even let a drop of pee escape my bladder so far during the first half of the school day. Had I not been wearing the pull-up, I’d probably have used the hall pass at least twice already, having lost confidence in my bladder’s abilities to make it through to the end of a class. As much as I hated to admit it, I was glad I had chosen to wear the pull-up. Feeling an urgent need to pee during class was much less stressful now that I knew an accident wouldn’t be the end of me. With fourth period over, it was now time for lunch. I grabbed my lunchbox from my locker and then staked out a spot to sit in the back of the cafeteria while Samantha and Desi went through the line to get a school-cooked meal. Mom always packed a lunch for me. She said she didn’t approve of the “garbage” being served in the school cafeteria. Whatever high school Mom had gone to must have served her terrible food for lunch, but the pepperoni pizza and French Fries on Samantha’s tray and the lasagna and salad that Desi was eating appeared far more appetizing than my ham and mayonnaise sandwich with a yogurt cup and a bag of veggie chips on the side. I hated mayonnaise, but Mom never made my sandwiches with butter, like I always requested. We had grabbed a table in our usual spot, a four-seater near the corner window overlooking the school entrance. Desi had one side to herself, so she could keep her injured leg elevated, while Samantha and I sat opposite her. The success I’d had so far with avoiding any accidents had me in an upbeat mood. I wasn’t going to let that get ruined by a lousy meal. Still, Samantha must have noticed how I was picking at my food. “I’ll trade you my fries for the rest of those...” “Veggies chips,” I said, helpfully finishing Samantha’s sentence. “Yeah, whatever those were. I’ll trade you the rest of my fries for them.” What would I do but for the charity of my friends? Samantha had most of her fries remaining, so I gladly turned over the uneaten bag of veggie chips to her. Samantha turned and chucked the bag of veggie chips into a garbage bin about ten feet away, narrating the shot. “She shoots. She scores. Nothing but net.” “Hey! You didn’t need to do that.” “Come on,” Samantha replied. “It’s not like you were going to eat them either.” “Touché.” Behind Desi, I could see Claire was walking toward our section of the cafeteria with a couple of upper-classmen girls I didn’t know. “She’s too good for us freshies,” Samantha mused with an exaggerated eye roll. Claire’s posse had several unused tables to choose from, as this end of the cafeteria usually stayed fairly empty. Instead, they came to a stop at a table a few rows down where Lisa was seated by herself. With a couple of power outlets, it was a prime spot if you had something you needed to charge. It looked like Lisa was keeping her phone charged as she listened to a video on it through her headphones. Claire tapped her hand on the table to get Lisa’s attention. Lisa removed her headphones to respond to Claire, but I couldn’t make out the beginning of the conversation. Lisa pointed at a couple of the empty tables nearby and then to the five extra seats at the circular table she was seated at herself. Claire’s such an entitled bully. Couldn’t she find her own spot to sit? It was obvious she was trying to chase Lisa off. From the tears beginning to form on Lisa’s face, I could tell that the confrontation had upset her. I was able to catch the end of the conversation when Claire raised her voice. “Ahh. Sad baby. Do you miss your mommy and daddy?” Claire rubbed her eyes with her knuckles in a mock cry. That was so low of her. My jaw dropped. “See, I told you she’s a bully” Desi muttered angrily. I didn’t doubt for a second that if Desi hadn’t had the cast on her ankle that she would have marched right over to Claire and put the brat in her place, but with her crutches all she could do was sit at the table and scowl. If I had been in Lisa’s place, I’d have hit Claire right across that smug face, but Lisa just unplugged her phone charger and headphones and tucked them into her backpack. She grabbed her mostly empty tray of food and started to take a step backwards when her foot caught on one of the legs of the table, sending her falling backwards. Lisa landed directly on her bottom with a thump. Her backpack and lunch tray dropped to the floor with a clatter and her dress – blue with white polka dots – flew over her knees. Lisa scrambled to straighten out her dress and then picked up her backpack, leaving the remains of her lunch scattered across the floor. Claire had doubled over as she and her friends had a laugh at Lisa’s expense. Despite the commotion, since we were tucked into the corner of a loud cafeteria no one really had appeared to have paid notice to Lisa’s fall. I’d had more than enough of Claire. I started to step up from the table. Samantha gave me one of her what were you doing looks, but Desi just nodded. Claire and her gang were too busy laughing at Lisa to notice as I walked stiffly right up to Claire. Right as I got up to her she turned and looked at me, surprised. This better be worth the trouble I was going to get into. I slapped her right across her left cheek, taking care to avoid digging my fingernails into her face. She looked at me in stunned silence. Yep, totally worth it. “Find someone else to pick on,” I said. “Actually don’t. Don’t you dare do this to anyone else.” Claire recovered from her shock on to leer at me threateningly. “You’re so fucked when the principal finds out.” “Sure I am, and we’ll tell him how you were bullying Lisa. Who knows? Maybe we could spend detention together.” With the threat volleyed back to her, Claire sulked away with her friends. Evidently, she doesn’t have a thing for mutually assured destruction. I turned to see Lisa squatted down on the floor, doing her best to get her spilled lunch cleaned up. “You don’t have to do that,” I said. “Just leave it. The janitor will take care of it for you once lunch period was over.” Lisa stood up awkwardly, keeping her dress straightened out. It became clear that she didn’t know what to say. I turned to look back at Desi and Samantha. “Leave that weirdo alone,” Samantha mouthed inaudibly at me. Samantha, Desi, and I had been friends since the first day of kindergarten where we met each other while we were lined up outside out classroom. Samantha had resisted any attempt at expanding our friend group ever since. I weighed my options. Getting one-up on Claire by helping out Lisa was worth making Samantha a little uncomfortable. I introduced Lisa to everyone at the table. “This is Samantha, never call her Sam. And this is Desi. Don’t ask her what it’s short for.” Lisa gave a limp wave to them. Desi took her leg off of the extra chair and offered it to Lisa, who eased herself really gently onto the chair. “Are you still hungry?” Desi asked. “I know Sarah would love to offer you the other half of her ham sandwich, but feeding that to a kid might qualify as child abuse.” All of us but Lisa laughed. She just kind of sat there quietly, her eyes moving back and forth between us. Desi finally made another attempt to break the ice. “Your butt OK? You fell hard there?” “I was fine,” Lisa said. “It really didn’t hurt that much.” “Bet it left a bruise though,” Desi said. “Sarah could show you the nasty one she got on her side in cheerleading practice.” I shook my head. No way was I going to lift up my hoodie. I was sure the pull-up was hidden by the jeans, but I wasn’t going to take that chance. “So. You and Claire. Did you both to go Desert View?” Desi asked Lisa. Desi, Samantha, and I had all gone to Arden Grove, one of the two middle schools in town that fed into River Valley High School. Claire had gone to Desert View, and we hadn’t had much of anything to do with her until high school. Thank goodness. Lisa waited a moment, looking like she wanted to do anything but answer that question. “No,” she replied at last. “My parents had homeschooled me. Until...” Her voice trailed off to a garbled whisper, but we understood what had been left unsaid about her parents. That led to another understandable, but uncomfortable, silence. We needed to find something else to talk about. I thought back to yesterday when she had asked to see the Fortnite flyer. “Are you planning on trying out for the Fortnite team?” “Yeah,” Lisa replied with a nod. “So are you... is everyone... trying out as well?” “Just me,” I said. “I’m the only nerd here.” “And somehow we still love her,” Samantha said, laughing. “Only because I do your Algebra homework.” “So. I’ve written two English papers for you this semester,” Samantha shot back. Lisa had both her hands over her mouth in shock. Guess you don’t have any classmates to cheat off of when you’re homeschooled. “Guys,” Desi said, in mock alarm. “Her uncle is a teacher.” “Don’t worry,” I reassured a still-shocked Lisa. “We’d never cheat in Mr. Higgins class.” Lisa still looked she could be on the verge of tears. “Hey,” I said. “You shouldn’t let Claire get the best of you.” “We’ve had nothing but trouble with her,” Desi added. Even Samantha nodded in agreement. A bit of a smile crept onto Lisa’s face. Nothing unifies a group of girls more than having someone to complain about. --- Even in my seventh and final class of the day, I still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of the pull-up underneath me as I sat my desk. Sure, the padding had remained soft, but it still felt odd sitting on since it didn’t cover my entire bottom. The day had gone well so far. I’d avoided any accidents, and while it had at times been tough to hold it in, I had managed to wait until I got to the toilet every time. Lisa was again seated to the left of me in history class. She hadn’t said anything to us since lunch, but she had also just barely managed to get to class on time. It was still hard to believe that Higgins was Lisa’s uncle. That had to be so strange taking a class from one of your relatives and to have him grade your work. I wonder how the school ended up allowing that. The class got to about half-way through when the urge to pee began coming on, similar to how the rest of the day had been. I checked the clock on the wall. Thirty minutes remained in the period. I was already feeling uncomfortable, but I could make it. I tried to focus on my note taking in order to keep my mind off my bladder. Twenty minutes remaining. The girls hall pass was still hanging by the door. I could grab it now, slip off to the bathroom and have a shot at going an entire day without peeing myself. But it was just twenty minutes left. I’d been able to hold it through every other class so far today. I shrugged off the desire to go to the bathroom. I could hold it in it this time as well. Time never passes slower than when you were holding your bladder and waiting to go to the bathroom. I felt myself beginning to squirm involuntarily, as my body fought to retain control over my bladder. I was so thankful that I was in the back row so that this miniature potty dance wasn’t on display for everyone to see. I felt like if I stopped moving, even for a couple seconds, that I would completely lose control of my bladder. Ten minutes remaining. My goal had been to go the whole day without using a hall-pass, but in the moment of truth, where I might actually wet myself in class, I wanted to chicken out. But I couldn’t. The hall pass that I had declined to grab five minutes ago was no longer there. I had been so focused my bladder that I hadn’t noticed when Lisa had gotten up and taken it. The pain in my bladder eventually reached a breaking point. I could force myself to pee my pants or have the pee be forced out of me. I couldn’t decide which was worse. Then my body made the decision for me. The experience of peeing while sitting down was so much different than doing so standing up. With the pull-up forced directly against my skin, I felt the urine stream down and then pool in the pull-up before being absorbed. It was all I could manage to keep the discomfort I was feeling from showing on my face. It may have just been my imagination, but I could have sworn I could hear myself peeing. But, as far as I could tell, no heads turned in my direction. No one looked up to see what was happening. I took as casual of a glance as I could at my crotch. There was a slightest of bulges, possibly from where the pull-up had swelled up. Not something anyone would notice unless they already knew I was wearing the pull-up. I hadn’t imagined how uncomfortable it would be to be forced to sit in my own urine. I fidgeted a little, but that only made it worse as I could feel the wet pull-up pressing further against my skin. I forced myself to remain completely still, eyes directed forward at Mr. Higgins and the chalkboard. The bell rung and the class came to an end at last. I casually tugged my hoodie down as I eased myself out of the chair, just to make sure that any potential outline of the pull-up was covered as much as it can be. I was so embarrassed. I was sure my face had gone red. I waved a brief goodbye to Samantha and Desi. I just wanted to change out of the wet pull-up as soon as possible. Even after just a couple months at the high school, I had quickly figured out which bathrooms were the ones to use and which were the ones to avoid. The one near the history classroom was one of my least favorites, but I didn’t want to spend any more time wearing a wet pull-up than I had to. With every step I took I had to suppress the urge to waddle as the absorbent material in the pull-up kept pushing my legs apart. It was all I could do to keep from looking like a penguin. Once inside, the bathroom was busier than I would have liked it to be. There were plenty of other girls taking a bathroom break after class, but I had to change, so I didn’t have a choice. I needed to pick the most private spot I could find. The stalls at the far end of the bathroom afforded the most privacy, but they also were typically the ones most likely to be dirty or defaced with graffiti. When I walked into the stall, I could see that my expectations were on point. I sat indecisively on the toilet for several minutes. My emotions were a mess. A mixture of relief, shame, and embarrassment. I was so glad my accident had gone undetected, but still shocked that it had happened in the first place.The way the pull-up rustled every time I touched it seemed way more noticeable than before. I was certain whoever was in the stall next to me would be able to hear everything I was doing. I wanted nothing more than to rip the sides of the pull-up, chuck it in the trash, and then be done with it. Instead, I slowly and quietly slid off my jeans and panties before at last removing the soggy pull-up. I gently placed it into the garbage bin embedded into the side of the stall and then covered the pull-u with toilet paper so that it wouldn’t raise any questions with the next person to use this stall. The one part of my plan I hadn’t thought through well enough was what I was going to do for cheerleading practice. I couldn’t get away with changing before and after practice, as well as showering, without anyone noticing a pull-up. There wasn’t even the slightest chance of that happening. Despite all the bladder problems I’d had the past two days, I’d made it through cheerleading practice both times without any issues. I had no choice but to chance it again today. I pulled up my panties. The cotton against my skin felt so good and unrestrictive. I was glad to be a big kid again, if just for a couple of hours.