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Prologue “Saul, where’s your- hey, don’t you even think about going out that door!” His mother shouted as she saw him out of the corner of her eye. The screen door clattered open and he ran. From the kitchen, frantic shuffling could be heard as his adopted mother was torn between chasing after her child and the pot of boiling water on the stove. Saul had slipped the diaper off his waist just prior to this escape attempt and he knew he had a decent chance of making it away. With a quick jump, he cleared the two steps and was off the back porch and running around the side yard of the house he had shared with the Amazonian woman. As he made it to the front area of the yard, he heard the back door closing again and he knew that trouble was not far behind. He turned right and headed along the sidewalk and almost ran into another giant, much older, who was busy in her own flower beds near the road. She looked up in mild surprise at the sudden commotion in front of her and recognized the situation immediately. Rather than stop him, the woman merely chuckled and whooped after him. “Oh, we got a little nakie baby!” Saul ran across the front of her house before cutting back down between her house and the house next door. There wasn’t much space between the two, and he knew the woman who was following him had a little trouble like most of the people her size cutting sharp corners. Behind him, he heard his mother scream his name before being politely given directions by the old woman which way he had gone. He made it to the backyard and turned left again. A long wall cut across the back of the lots on this subdivision, and he hoped he could find a gap in the fence or even a stubborn homeowner that had not pushed for a privacy so he could cut across to the next street and get some more distance between him and his mother. He continued to run, and risked a short look back. Behind him, he saw a large shadow come around the corner. He quickly cut back between another pair of houses towards the street, and saw the shadow do the same. He immediately turned and continued back along the fence line. The shadow had not followed. He grinned. He might just make it away this time. Then he noticed something new. Eight houses down, a homeowner had put up their own section of privacy fence, on this side of the line of fencing. He started looking more closely at the fence line, hoping for a gap or half rotted piece he could move. He needed that opening. He ran past another house and glanced left. The shadow was keeping pace on the other side of the house. Well, time to try another trick. He ran past the house and then immediately doubled back and up the side of it. With a little luck, his mother would continue to run past for another house or two, and by then he would have come around to the front and even made it across to the other side of the street with a little luck. He grinned. This was one of the most enjoyable escape attempts to date. He almost felt a little sad that it could end this easily if he lost her. He just cleared the side yard when suddenly he saw arms reaching around the large shrubs in front of him, perfectly placed to cut off his escape. She knew what he had planned. With a chuckle and a mild shout of consternation, he jumped into the waiting arms. He was suddenly pulled close as the woman’s body dropped to a knee to avoid falling over from her charges jump into her arms. “Gotcha!” He felt himself being raised slightly and a hand brushing aside his hair and a pair of lips kissing his forehead. “I told you; no matter how far you run, I will always catch you.” Saul giggled. “I almost got away this time.” His mother shook her head and gave his nose a light touch. “Not even. That fence ruined your chances long before you made your attempt. Now, as fun as this was, you are in serious trouble mister. You are a very nakie baby and you know you aren’t supposed to be out of your diaper. Not to mention that you made me ruin some perfectly good pasta when you made your escape attempt. You realize those noodles were almost done, right? By the time I get you home, changed, and settled, they are going to be too mushy to eat.” Saul put his arms around her neck and rested his head on his shoulder. “Uh-huh. I was hoping it would give me an extra minute or two.” As they passed their neighbor’s house, the old women smiled and got to her feet. She patted Saul on the head and looked at his mother. “I see our little truant has been apprehended again. Not his greatest attempt, but certainly one of the better ones. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. He didn’t notice that young couple down the street had put up some fencing last month. He’s got to be more observant if he ever thinks he can get away from me that easily” his mother said, patting his bottom. “I’ll catch you later Mrs. Rogers. Right now, I’ve got a little boy that needs supper and a diaper rather badly.” Saul sighed in contentment as they went back inside their home and his mother grabbed his old diaper as they went into the living room and placed him on the changing table. She frowned and tossed the old one away in his pail and reached for a new pamper. “What’s on your mind sweetheart? I thought you enjoyed yourself.” “I did, but it wasn’t long enough.” His mother finished wiping him down and started powdering him. “Well, I know what will cheer you up. Lets finished getting you changed and get some yummy food in your belly, and I will tell you one of your favorite bed time stories tonight, okay?” Saul smiled knowingly. “Which one would that be?” She finished powdering him and taped up the new diaper before blowing a quick raspberry on his stomach. “How about how Mommy finally caught her wonderful baby boy?” _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Saul sat in front of the television. It was nearly midnight but his excitement was peaking as he watched the announcer. A couple hundred miles away on a set of islands, a group of over one hundred participants was completing a grueling marathon known as the Fjorders’ Double Crossing. Over twenty miles of shoreline broken up with 6 miles of running through the cold evening waters of the Fjord was a tough challenge. It would almost be a swimming contest if a little attempted it, but even the Amazonians had trouble running through up to four feet of water. From what the announcer said, over two hundred and fifty people had started the challenge, but almost half had dropped out by the halfway point as their joints had locked up. Only a hundred and ten or so were left by now, and most were floundering in the final stretch of the Fjord, trying to cope with the cold waters. The announcer made a comment that a small group far ahead of the pack had been pushing themselves hard on the final stretch, and were spotted a couple hundred meters offshore in the dark. The challenge would be over in minutes. Saul was excited. Normally, the competition would take another hour or more and he would have to go to bed and miss the end, but this year looked promising. He just had to hold out for a couple more minutes. “Saul Yurten, what on earth are you doing awake at this hour? You were supposed to be in bed more than two hours ago. Your bed time might be later than your father’s, but you know that this is far too late for a little your age to be up” the elderly voice of his grandma proclaimed from doorway to the living room. Saul looked down sheepishly. He had turned down the television fairly low, but he guess that her hearing was sharp enough to hear even that little bit of sound. “Sorry Gran, I just wanted to see the end this year. It’s a good group this year, and they are almost at the end already.” Grandma Emma was an unusual sort, but between her and Grandma Judy, he was glad that he was staying at her house currently. Grandma Judy was the law and order to Grandma Emma’s controlled chaos and unashamed spoiling of her baby and grandbaby. The old woman sat down next to him on the couch and briefly checked her hair net to make sure it was still in place. She picked up Saul and sat him in her lap, slowly patting his head and reaching a hand through a leg opening in his sleep shorts to check his pull up. “Still dry,” She proclaimed. “Now, who are we hedging our bets on this year. How’s that girl fairing, what was her name, Stephanie?” Saul shrugged. “I’m hoping she does well. From what I saw earlier, she was starting strong and stayed pretty steady through the first half the race. She’s also a recent favorite, so I have hope she wins it. She has done better each year, and last year she came in eighth. From what’s been said, it’s down to Arden, Smith, Morgansson, Tolten, and her right now in the final stretch. “Oh, Morgansson competed again this year? For a man his age, he is a handsome one. It would be nice to see him win one more time.” Their attention turned back to the program, as the announcer moved slightly out of the way and the camera zoomed in on a group of figures in the distance, blobs of blackness splashing through the water headed towards a cluster of lights set up on the beach and a set of poles with a ribbon tied between them. Saul leaned forward. “Come on Stephanie, you can do it,” he called to one of the figures on screen. “Come on Danny boy, don’t lose to these youngsters” Emma called to her champion. Just off shore, the pack started to split. One began to lag behind, then another, with the final three staying fairly close together. The water splashed up over the contestants and Saul could only imagine how cold it had to be and what they were feeling in those final feet. At the water’s edge, an older gentleman pulled away from the other two and managed to make it across the finish line first. Emma went wild, cheering for her contestant as the crowd gathered round and uttered words of congratulations. Stephanie wasn’t the second or the third. A minute later, and she wasn’t the fourth. After two more minutes, a woman in her late twenties ran up onto the beach and across the finish line to warm applause like those before her. Saul and Emma chatted for a bit before a third form walked through the doorway from a bedroom down the hall. A grown man in a dark green flannel footed jumper walked in with a blanket in one hand while his other rubbed at his eyes. “What are you guys doing? Some of us are trying to sleep, you know.” Emma got up and quickly picked him up, cooing slightly and patting his back. “I’m sorry baby. Mommy and Saul were just watching the end of the race, and we weren’t watching how loud we were. I know you need your sleep more than your son does, so how about I warm you a nice bottle of milk and get you back to bed, ok? “Sounds good,” he drowsed as his mother carried him off to the kitchen. Saul went ahead and turned off the television. He knew what was coming next. He poked his head into the kitchen to see his grandma gently bouncing his father and watching a bottle heating up in the microwave. “Hey Grandma, I’m just going to go ahead and head to bed, okay? I turned off the television.” Emma nodded. “Go ahead and wait by the changing table. I know how you get when you’re excited, and I want you in a nice night diapee. I’ll have your father back in a minute and then I will change you. Also, remember that even with no school tomorrow, you still have homework due the day after. Your grandma Judy wants it all done by the end of the day tomorrow.” The microwave beeped and she took out the bottle, screwed on the cap, and handed it to her son. “Oh, and your mother wanted me to remind you that you have two books that are due back as well, so don’t forget to bring those along too!” Saul nodded. It was the penalty he lived with to have a mother and two grandmothers doting on him all the time. He always had to focus on his studies, but wasn’t so bad. He’d finish his work and then get to go outside and run. Best part was that he only had a few weeks until he graduated anyways, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about it ever again. It was a good life, and one he wouldn’t change a bit.

This is the first in a small series of one shots that will focus on small experiences in the narrator's life that happen to be firsts for them as little's or AB's or what have you. Everything contained within these stories is fiction and should not be viewed as actual events that have transpired. Fun fact, I didn't use the word "diaper" in this story because of reasons. Also fun fact, I may have let my own personality bleed into this one...a lot...ish...discuss? Baby's First... “Shopping Trip” By: RambleLamb At what point do you decide to commit to something important to you? I've thrown myself into activities of interest before, often with little to no real love for whatever it is, but something that I feel defines me as a person ends up being waited on and pushed aside for various reasons, most of which are shame based. This is why, at two in the morning, I'm dressed and sitting on the couch in my, well, my parents' living room holding my car keys and watching my leg nervously bounce up and down while I try and rationalize my sudden and impetuous decision. Fact: I just got my driver's license and in the great state of California I'm not legally allowed to operate a motor vehicle without an adult in the car after dark. Fact: My parents are out of town and gave me strict orders not to take the car out for anything other than school, work, and errands. I'm standing and reach the front door before I realize that my body has taken control of pushing me into doing what I'd been trying to do for the last hour. The keys in my hand are entering the deadbolt and turning it with that solid clunk sound that makes me feel secure when I'm on the other side of the door in my pajamas on the way upstairs to bed, but now just cements in my brain that I'm breaking all the rules for purely selfish reasons. Our condo complex is usually quiet, but in the wee hours of the morning it's almost eerie how silent it is until a car passes by on the street with music blasting out the open windows shattering the silence and making me jump and feel like running back to the front door to hurry back inside and to bed like the random car was somehow going to alert my parents of what I was planning. My heart rate slows down as I walk to the car, looking around nervously as I push the zipper of my hoodie up like I'm trying to decapitate myself in the teeth before stuffing my hands into the pockets of the hoodie to clutch my phone and keys as I approach the car and thumb the buttons on the fob forever to ensure I don't accidentally press the alarm button at the top, but double tap the unlock button in the center and put my hand on the door handle to open it and climb into the car. The thumping of my heart is elevated again once I'm in the car. During the daytime the car is known, it's a place I've been in front and back, I've learned its secrets and how it operates through hours upon hours of practice, but this isn't that daytime car, this is the still dark early morning hours car, the foreign being that's enshrouded in darkness with levers and buttons that look out of place with only the florescent light above the parking space casting weak illumination into it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, my anxiety threatening to go into panic attack territory if I don't do something to get it under control. I realize I'm gripping the steering wheel and pull my hands from it slowly, my fingers aching from squeezing so hard on the leather ring in front of me. Thoughts of giving up and going back inside cross my mind, the logistics of just ordering online playing out to the inevitable worst case outcome, my parents bringing in the package and opening it while I'm not home so I walk into a shit storm of disappointed looks and screaming, probably therapy for being a degenerate freak. My head is shaking the thought from it as I put my foot on the brake and press the ignition button, bringing the car to life and breaking the early morning silence as my mother's oldies music blares from the speakers for a fraction of a second before I smash the button on the dashboard to silence it, looking around through the tinted windows for signs of angry neighbors with torches and pitchforks rallying up around the car to drag me out and detain me until their leader can get a hold of my parents to tell them about my disruptive behavior and late night excursions. I sigh and mentally chastise myself for getting carried away as I put the car in reverse and inch out of the parking space, looking this way and that behind me while looking in each mirror in succession as I clear the side of the building and work the wheel to the right, my eyes bulging out of my skull when the alarm for the parking brake starts chiming in the car, causing me to push my foot down too hard on the brake to release the lever beside me. Another sigh as I finish backing up and switch the car into drive and inch my way to the driveway leading out to the street, stopping again for the seatbelt chime and spending the next five minutes running through a checklist of every possible thing in the car that may or may not ding, buzz, chirp or alarm at me before finally pulling out onto the street. I'd decided early in the planning stages of this quest that I wouldn't chance going to the Walmart closest to where we lived on the off chance that someone I knew from school was working there or a friend or family member of a friend happened to be doing some after midnight shopping of their own and would see me. I briefly entertained the idea that the popular clique of girls would be hanging out at that very store and I'd happen to bump into them, not upon entry of the store of course, but only after I'd gone to where I was going and gotten what I'd come to get so that they'd see me with the package under my arm and I'd try to smoothly spit my cover story of restocking Grandma's supply only for one of them to somehow recall that my Grandma had passed when I was in middle school. The nightmare scenario ended like one of the stories I secretly saved in a folder on my computer cleverly titled "Anime Translations" hidden within a sub folder inside of a sub folder just in case my parents used my computer for something. Two towns over was a twenty four hour bulk grocery store which I chose as my destination because two towns over was exactly just outside my sphere of influence in the world and because bulk meant more for my money, at least that's what my sixteen year old knowledge of economics told me. The drive was quiet and allowed me time to think about what I was doing, which is a terrible thing for someone like me. My carefully crafted plan eroded with each subsequent thought as I navigated my way onto the freeway. "Terrible Scenario #1", as it was quickly dubbed, found me walking up to the registers to find the most attractive cashier imaginable working it which left me nervous and stammering as they asked me if my purchase was for me. My well thought out cover story devolved into my mouth open for the words to come out only to have them clinging to the back of my throat in terror, not wanting to face the harsh florescent truth of the outside world. The cashier would notice all of this and inexplicably produce their phone to begin recording me just as my anxiety forced my apparently full to bursting bladder to empty in front of them, leaving me standing in a puddle, my shameful accident not only on full display but also recorded for posterity. The cashier would hand me my purchase and thank me for shopping and I'd leave, my piss filled shoes squishing with every step all the way back to my car. "Terrible Scenario #2" found me successful at the store with zero issue, my purchase safely and discreetly in the trunk and pulling back in at home with a swell of confidence at a plan perfectly executed. Once the front door was opened though, and my home far too early and sitting in the living room waiting for me parents came into view, I found myself in a similar predicament as the first scenario. My parents faces were masks of disappointment, first at me having gone out after curfew, then at driving alone at night, and then at me holding my purchase by the little plastic carry handle like I was going on a picnic where instead of eating one just pissed and shit themselves hundreds of times requiring such a large supply of protection. Mom would cry, Dad would seethe and I would regret all my life choices up to that point and watch my prize be thrown out while agreeing to see a therapist for my deviancy. "Terrible Scenario #3" involved me at the store but everyone I'd ever met was shopping there at two in the morning because that's when the crowds really die down apparently. Rather than just turning around and going home empty handed, imaginary me doubled down on the plan and confidently strode into the store straight to the aisle I wanted where everyone passed through and critiqued my choices. The teacher I had a crush on in first grade before I could even understand the intricacies of crushes shared that I looked like a leaker and should go for the thicker ones and then seductively traced a finger along my butt as if that was something I wanted from them. My long dead Grandfather shared that he used the thinner ones except for on taco night at the Elk's lodge, that was a double up kind of affair, his words, delivered with a hard slap on my back and that wheezing guffaw he had that turned out to be the cancer. I flipped on my turn signal and turned into the parking lot of the store, finding a space in the center of the lot so I wasn't directly under the bright security lights but also wasn't in mugging approved darkness and put the car in park and killed the engine. My heart was beating hard in my chest again and I planned to stop at the restroom on the way in to empty my suddenly very twitchy bladder and maybe also vomit, I like to be surprised from time to time. The distance to the store seemed to stretch on forever as I put one foot in front of the other and made my way in, abandoned carts not yet retrieved by whatever shlub was unlucky enough to have to shag carts overnight as their job littering the empty parking spaces to the left and right of me like wheeled onlookers silently judging me, knowing precisely what I was here for. The automatic doors parted and allowed me to enter the store, the soft muzak worming its way into my ears as I turned and made my way to the bathroom. Nothing came out of me in fifteen minutes of trying to pee and or vomit, I blame the overpowering scent of lemony cleaner that hung in the air barely masking the lingering scent of shit in the bathroom. I did achieve a moment of clarity though, realizing that my carefully crafted cover story was beyond stupid given that I was here at two in the morning dressed like I was going to burglarize a house on my way home, black hoodie, black jeans, black shoes, my crook look was on point for certain. I suddenly feared that anyone that saw me with my purchase would immediately assume correctly that I was in fact a pervert and that nothing about my purchase was innocent or necessary, save of course my innocent need to pretend to be a baby and the innocent need to be attired as one for the sake of faithful recreation of the simpler time in my life. The wide, almost industrial sized aisles of the store were daunting to say the least, but the fantasy of everything seeming larger because I was actually little slipped into my mind and stuck there. Images of riding in one of the muted, overly judgmental carts while someone I had created in my imagination pushed me through the store. My driver morphed as we went, male to female, older to younger, nice to mean all while I sat in the seat of the cart and behaved like the baby I fantasized myself to be. I babbled and clapped as I looked around at the rows of brightly colored boxes while they looked down at me lovingly and talked to me in that kind of babytalk that is actually cute and not the toxic acid that seeps into one's brain when they hear or read people like me do it and disables your central nervous system so all you can manage to do is roll your eyes and politely wish they would get puppy bone cancer and die in a fire. I came out of my fog of imagination when I realized I had no idea where I needed to go in the store. My eyes and head working in tandem to scan the aisles I was passing for signs of my prize, finding only bulk cereal and practically oil drum sized containers of juice and milk. I saw a worker mopping ahead of me and absently wondered if I could ask for directions without using my trigger word. For some reason the actual word for what I was here to buy had almost the same power as the actual item itself, hearing the word used out in the world always caused me to focus my attentions automatically and intently as if the conversation weren't just about a young mother toilet training her child but rather were about her preparing to divulge her prior night's experience of pleasuring herself in her well used garment or whatever the fantasy leaned into on that given day and time. Rounding the corner at the end of the main artery I was careful not to make eye contact with the mopper and put my head down and scurried forward past the dairy cases, looking up just enough to peek down the aisles I was passing in search for something similar to what I was looking for. This went on for long enough that I started to wonder if maybe I'd made a mistake, maybe they didn't carry what I was looking for at all and I'd wasted my time coming here and formulating my perfect clandestine plan, and then I saw them. These things have a curiosity attached to them, a fascination that is indelible from my very soul like part of my personality. I suppose that's what a fetish is, but that word always makes it sound unseemly to me, like something that one should be ashamed of and hide from the world. When I attach flowery words and descriptors to them it makes it sound more like what it is, a dependency, I suppose codependency would be more accurate given that unless I'm wearing and using them they just stay in a bag, their sole purpose for existing going unmet for no greater reason than shame. They need me just as much as I need them, someone created them and I'm willing to put them to good use, so really, I'm just a consumer, nothing weird or disgusting about that, right? I realize as I'm standing in front of them that they're facing the registers, which I might have noticed when I came in were it not for my phantom needs to urinate and or vomit I'd been experiencing at the time. I glanced at the bank of registers to see a woman sitting behind one doing a puzzle book of some kind, crossword or word search most likely, the former making me feel nervous that she'd see through me and know my purchase was for me because of how smart she was for doing a crossword puzzle book in what appeared to be pen, the latter putting me at ease because word searches are the adult equivalent of covering your eyes to make a baby think you've disappeared, there's no challenge because the subject is barely smarter than a houseplant, and using a pen wouldn't matter to her because if she messed up she'd just casually look around to see if anyone was watching and then flip the page to a different puzzle like a child reading a choose your own adventure book but not letting go of a page until they were certain the choice they made didn't end the story. The lying liar of a woman wasn't paying attention to me when I looked, and I focused my attentions on the packages in front of me, my heart beating faster as I read the packaging and saw the prize within the clear plastic it was printed on, words like "absorbancy" and "protection" dancing through my brain as I imagine myself playing with my odd assortment of blocks and soft toys as I pause briefly to relieve myself without concern because my purchase is taped snugly around my waist. My hand trembles as I grab the carry handle on top and pick it up, feeling a giddy thrill at how heavy it actually is before making my way nonchalantly to the register. The word search queen looks up at me, her eyes glazed with boredom or possibly retardation, I can't be sure, an adult doing a word search is fairly damning evidence for the case of mental deficiency. I watch the package move down on the conveyor belt as she toggles the little switch near her and step to my mark to make my purchase, trying to relax as she scans the barcode on the side of the package and gives me my total. I force a smile and nod my understanding as I reach into my pocket, my hands touching my keys and phone and suddenly a cold chill runs through my body as I realize I forgot my wallet at home. I see it in my mind's eye on the counter in the kitchen right beside the wooden bowl we use for keys and coins. I apologize to the cashier and explain my lack of money in a way that someone of her mental acuity would be able to comprehend and scurry away in humiliation, the fear of driving back home knowing now that I don't have my license on me making me feel like crying. I sit in my car crying for a few minutes, thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong on the way back home and wipe my eyes with my sleeves, take a deep breath and start the car, resolute in my decision to get home safely and without incident so I can order what I came here for online like a normal pervert.

Hi Everyone! My first attempt at a story on this forum and in this genre. Let me know what you think. Parts one through 3 posted below. Broken Cradle Part 1 He turned up the volume on the earbuds. It was the news he had been waiting for. The Premier Group was making the big announcement they had been teasing all month. Full Dive Technology was in the hands of the masses. “We’ve all had fun with Virtual Reality. Since the late 80’s, we have toyed around and experimented with connection to the digital world. Each year, we get closer and closer but have fallen short of the Grail: The Complete Immersive Experience.” Rion sat down on a bench as his mind ventured off listening to Clint Bryant, Premier’s CEO, introducing their new tech. “imagine, taking a trip to Hawaii on your lunch break. 30 minutes in the sun, feeling the surf, and then, you come back and finish the workday. Instant vacations. Doctors, what if you could dive into an MRI and look at it from all angles. Families, keeping in touch just got easier.” What Bryant was saying was the stuff of science fiction. How could it even be possible? Aall of this and more can be possible with this..” Rion heard the audience gasp and “Ooooo” and he couldn’t help but do it as well though he had no idea what they were looking at. “The Dot is a revolutionary device, one that requires no surgery, no permanent changes. Attach it when you want to, detach it when you are finished, and it charges inside the case.” Rion could not believe how they put all of this intense tech into such a small package. “All you need to do is attach it to your temple like so, and give it a tap.” Rion heard a thump, and the audience gasp. He jumped up, and ran inside to the nearest public building. It was a coffee shop with tiny table tents that read, “Looking for Wi-Fi? Ask me about it.” Rion plugged in his barely alive phone and searched the available networks, racing against the clock. He couldn’t find the name of the shop anywhere. He signaled a passing barista. “Umm, sorry to bother you, but can you help me log in to the Wi-Fi?” “Sure, she said. It’s right there on the Table tent in front of you.” “I saw that. That’s why I asked you.” “No silly, pull up the networks.” Rion thumbed open the available list, and scrolled to where her finger had pointed. Right there were the words, a network named “Looking for Wi-Fi?” Rion groaned. She said, “I think you know what the password is.” She smiled and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder before going back to her work. Rion tapped “Ask me about it.” Into the blinking box on his phone and clicked on the Breaking News section of his Home Screen. They were streaming the press conference live. Rion saw Bryant on the stage talking about specs and information transfer, but nothing about what had happened in the time it took Rion to pull it up. He opened a new tab to one of his favorite tech blogs where they were analyzing the information and showing highlights. There was a bright blue link that read, “Click here for the Body-Dropping Demo”. Rion clicked the link, and his phone enlarged the video. He saw Bryant show the Dot on the giant screen. It looked like a cufflink or a doorbell buzzer, a chrome ring around a pearl colored disc. Bryant attached it to his temple and tapped it. Bryant was in mid sentence when his body suddenly dropped to the stage. It was a jump scare that took Rion completely off guard. Suddenly, Bryant appeared larger than life on the big screen. “seamless transition between the Material world and the virtual world.” The image of Bryant moved to walk on the screen. “Some of you may be thinking that this has been pre-recorded. Allow me to prove otherwise. Now, understand that my consciousness is directly inside this server. My brain cannot receive any input from my body what soever. Now, I would like the young woman sitting in A2 to stand and walk to the microphone in front of the stage.” All eyes turned to a seat up front as a young woman rose up presumably from seat A2. “Now, many of you will not believe me, but what I am about to share comes from my own observations during my time on the stage. Young lady, I couldn’t quite catch your name tag from up here, but you do use a very creative J. Could you please tell me your name, and speak into the microphone?” “J-j-janine.” Came the nervous girls response. “Janine. Beautiful name.” Bryant began to write the letters, J- A-N… He was spelling her name in the empty space and Rion could see the letters form as though from a marker. With a gesture, he flipped the name around for our comprehension. Rion and the crowd marveled at the display. Bryant explained how the Dot had connected him to the venue’s network. He could see through and access all devices connected to the network. “How did I spell your name right, Janine? Well, let me just recognize this as a teachable moment regarding unsecure wireless access points.” Bryant said with a smile. He then made another gesture and touched some invisible point in front of him, and then disappeared. The screen went black and Bryant’s body, prone and still on the stage the whole time, began to pick himself up. He brushed off his designer slacks and rubbed the areas that made first contact with the floor. “My recommendation: Never use the Dot out of range of a soft surface.” He started to laugh. “You may not feel it on the trip there, but you will once you get back.” Rion clicked off the video. He sat in stunned amazement. It was real. Total Immersion and Connectivity, the ability to manipulate your environment, to access information, and feel sensations. While the rest of the country began to realize the implications, this would have for devices like Prosthesis and Digital Interaction, Rion had only one desire for this tech. It just had to be created first. Part 2 Gosling: Attention All Bigs, mids, and Kids. I need some help. Fractured_Prune: What’s up, Goz? Gosling: Anyone seen Cat_Noir? She’s not responding to my DM’s. AnarchyTabloid: I think she’s doing some server maintenance. Gosling: Awesome! What about Clint? I don’t see his username. Fractured_Prune: Bro, he’s a work. You know that. It’s midday. Not all of us can live a carefree slacker style like you. Gosling: Prune, shut up. Your giving me the shits. Fractured_Prune:……well done, my friend. Gosling: Well, you do bring it out of me. Fractured_Prune:..okay PhreekAmerica: Feeling like #2 suddenly, Prune Fractured_Prune: are you done? Gosling: I’ll take things asked outside of Prune’s bathroom for 100, Alex. <Fractured_Prune has logged out> Rion put his phone in his pocket and laughed. He would have to wait till he got home to share his ideas. Rion booted up his laptop, and logged into Cat’s Cradle. It was a forum created by Cat_Noir and was populated by many likeminded others like Prune, Phreek, and a global cast of characters. They were all united together by a common interest. They all had a unique way of coping with struggle. Rion sent a message in general chat that asked for all members to join at their earliest convenience. Slowly, the members logged in and acknowledged their presence some way. Some were general (“here”), and some were explicit (“Asshat”), but soon everyone was online. “Let’s move this to voice chat,” typed Rion. He got right to the point. “Everyone, I want us to adapt the server for Full Dive.” “What!?” said Prune. “I think we should upgrade the server and give ourselves a way to actually be Here in Cat’s Cradle.” “Impossible.” “Not anymore,” responded Rion, “Premier Group made their big announcement. The Dot is available for mass market consumption.” PhreekAmerica shouted “Yes, First Person Shooters for real.” Rion said, “yes Phreek, it’s going to change gaming. But it can also change us.” “What do you mean?” “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it before? All the conversations we have? Playtime? Cuddles? What instead of imagining it, we experienced it.” Everyone was silent. There were no more words to be said. Each of them knew in that moment that this was something they had all wished for, dreamed about, since they found each other. “So, where do we start, Rion?” Part 3 It took many nights and weeks. It was a labor of love, and became an obsession for the group. Each of them in their own way needed this to happen. Each of them worked in whatever roles needed to be done. Some learned new hobbies like coding. Others committed their drawings and creativity to the endeavor. But after long days and sleepless nights, the day arrived. Each of them had their Dots in hand. They followed the email directions, and when the hour struck on the appointed day, each of them attached their Dots and tapped. Rion opened his eyes and took in the soft glow of the room. It was a dome shape with soft glowing white walls and a light in the center that shone like a full moon on a winter’s night. Rion felt the soft cushions beneath him, and looked at the circle of similar chairs around the room. There were no hard edges, just softness and comfort everywhere you looked. He looked at the other bodies that began to slowly arise from the reclined seats. For the first time, they looked at each other, saw each other, after a year of speaking sight unseen. It was Cat who finally broke the silence, “Hello all of you beautiful people. Welcome to The Cradle.” They went through some technical items first. Cat told them how to operate their displays. Each of them had to swipe down with an index finger and a menu with options popped into their field of vision. They walked through the different roles of the group, and how to change them. Each member excitedly starting looking up options, clicking madly, but nothing was happening. Cat explained, “This is just our landing pad. We will always look here as we are, based on our own cognitive perception of ourselves. The settings will activate on the other side of this door.” Everyone’s eyes darted to a pale white sliding door, like elevator doors, that seemed to appear on one side of the room. Cat explained a few more rules, and had everyone go to their menus and look at the same rules and welcome and documents that they had transferred from their original forum. Each one signed their name with a digital imprint. “This contract, while possibly unnecessary, binds all of us to the terms. If anyone breaks any part of this contract, your digital self will be banished from the server.” Everyone sat stone faced. “Understand this,” Cat continued, “We are about to embark on something we have never done before. We are placing ourselves in a position of high vulnerability. While we may have shared things before, it was always through the proxy of our computers and phones. Through those doors, we will be feeling and interacting in ways could not have before imagined. This contract is protecting all of us. We each came here because our coping mechanisms made us vulnerable and untrusting of others. I will protect each and every one of you here, even from within. Is that clear?” Cat’s eyes shone with an intensity as she spoke. It made them all shiver slightly as if a cold wind had just blown through, or each of them were an antelope that had just witnessed a lion stare them down and walk past. It spoke to each one of them a feeling of, “Your life is mine for the taking.” But, in truth, it made each of them feel safe, protected, as if nothing could happen to them in here because of Cat. “Now, one more thing we need to do, kiddos. Let’s start this by finally introducing ourselves. I’ll go first: Hi everyone, I’m Kathleen, but you can call me Cat.” “so we’ve been calling you by your actual name this whole time?!” said a girl from across the room. “Yeah, it made this a lot easier on me than it will be on you. How about you, princess?” “Okay,” said the girl, “Hi everyone, I used to log in as Paci-Fi, but here you can call me Eve.” In turn, each of them introduced themselves to these others that they had spoken with daily but realized that there was still so much they didn’t know about each other. “Hi, you all know me as Gosling, but my name is Rion.” There was a pause, and Rion heard someone say, “Wait a minute, Rion Gosling?!? That’s amazing! Why didn’t you share that earlier? It’s a great pun.” Rion blushed and mumbled a thank you, and Cat clapped her hands, “Well kiddos, what are we waiting on? Let’s go.” The friends rushed to the door, and listened to the gentle whoosh of compressed air. The doors slid open to a large open room, one that they all marveled at at the same time. In the center of the room was a recessed square with the bottom two steps down from the main level. There were wooden cribs stained light brown, and changing tables with changing pads in every color of the rainbow. There was a small library with puffy pillows and bean bags for reading and tents for sitting in, and there was a art area with easels and smocks on hooks. One entire wall was nothing but stuffies and toys, and there was a kitchen area with high chairs and a bean shaped table with seats set in it around the outside. There was a single chair that allowed one person to feed each kid at the table. It was perfect, down to the last detail. Each one of them ran into the room, and then had to stop to adapt to the changes. For some of them, the room seemed to grow larger. Others found it harder to move. Rion found himself on his hands and knees. He was wearing a onesie over a cloth diaper. He looked at his hands. They looked the same as before. He looked aaround. Even the others looked like they did before, just their sizes changed. Others also gained animal features. Over each head, Rion could see their roles and pronoun preferences. There were Bigs, Littles, Mids, Furries, Sissies, and then there was Cat. Above Cat’s head was written, “Rocking the Cradle of Love.” It was a perfect title. Smiles slowly crept across each face as they felt every detail of the experience. The bigs ran their fingers over the furniture and looked in drawers to find each one fully stocked with care supplies. The kids and mids began sifting through the toy chests, and the infants flopped happily on their backs and grabbed their toes laughing. Nothing else happened. There was no conversation. Each one was content in this form, reveling in the sensations afforded to them. Rion was the first to discover a new sensation. He felt a spot of warmth spread across the front of his diaper. More and more issued forth until Rion felt himself in a warm puddle of his own creation. His eyes were half closed, his face a smile, and even without the flashing label, the other Caregivers knew what had happened. “Rion, do you have a wet diaper?” Shannon asked. Rion blushed and squirmed in his spot. “Nooooo…” “Are you telling me a fib, baby?” “Noooooo, Shannon.” “Well, little one, you don’t know this, but all of you littles have a special addition to your labels.” She bent down, and looked him in the eyes. “It tells us if your wet, hungry, and everything else.” Steven spoke up from the kitchen area, “I wonder if it can tell us anything else,” and she smiled at Shannon as if hiding a devious secret. She smiled back, “I guess we’ll find out.” Shannon picked Rion up under the arms and carried him over to a purple changing pad. She bucked the waist strap and booped him on the nose. “Don’t want you to take a tumble, do we?” Rion giggled. The feeling was indescribable. Shannon unsnapped the crotch of his onesie and undid the snaps of his cloth diaper. When it reached the cold air, Shannon noticed a sudden stiffening. She looked at Rion again and then turned to call to Steven, “Hey Steve, you were right! It can tell us that, too” Rion blushed. “Don’t worry, baby. We won’t take care of that publicly, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that now. Let’s just get you changed, and we can all explore this place together.”

I was shooting for this to be relatable to people like Something Familiar by the incredibly talented @Sophie ♥. I didn't have any illusions that I'd be able to capture the same perfect crystallization of emotions and thoughts that we in this community have about these things, about these experiences that we have when we're growing up by growing down, but I wanted to illustrate that we're kind of this hive mind of shared experiences when it comes to this lifestyle and I'm glad that at least one person felt that. This story, and the rest in the series, are designed to shine a light on things that people may feel are only something that's happened to them, for better or worse, the reader will hopefully learn that they're not the only one that's had to endure going to a store to buy diapers and feeling like the world is watching and somehow knows who and what they truly are, they'll learn that other entries in this series are part of that shared experience we as a community have and that they're not alone. Again, I'm not the best person for this job no one asked be done, but I chalk it up to giving back in a way and if one person feels a little better about something because they saw themselves in the story then I'll feel great...as long as they tell me that, I'm not omniscient, guys.

We made it to sunset Crater next morning. The problem was we were there pretty early like 7 am they don't open until 9am what we could see from the outside really wasn't much. We got back on to the road again. Poor Stephanie she was still under the influence of the Benadryl. Every time we were in the car she was asleep. Awaking her was diffucult. With all the sleeping she was doing she was diapered all the time. We came to Winslow we stopped and got gas at a Flying J. They also had a Denny's that we stopped and ate Brunch it was 1015 am. Stephanie had her diaper changed. Some older lady that was in there made the comment that the parents today that are too lazy to toilet train their kids. Rachel so wanted to tell the lady to go play under the big semis that were parked all around here! She bit her tongue! We ate our brunch and was on the road again. We went to the Petrified Forest next. They were open all these shops had petrified wood all for sell, we bought each kid a small piece each it was like $2.00 for the little rock that we bought them. The larger pieces were going for $200 up to $500 I wasn't about ready to pay that much for one. Next was the Painted Desert, there were all kinds of colors it was very beautiful. It did look like somebody painted It, usually those colors don't occur in nature. We drove on to Chinle, Arizona that was our next stop we pulled into our motel we got everything unloaded and then we went to dinner. Chinle, was on the Navajo Indian Reservation. It was the biggest town we had seen for the Reservation. That night we slept pretty well, all except Stephanie, seems she had slept so much this morning from the hangover of the Benadryl she couldn't sleep tonight. It was late for her 1230 am before she fell asleep finally. We kind of let the kids sleep in we didn't wake them up until like 815 am. We got everybody out of their night time diapers baths and then we went to breakfast. After breakfast we went to Canyon de Chelly pronounced Shea! This canyon was where the Navajo People believe that their first parents came out of. It is a very sacred place for them. Next we got packed and went to the four corners area that was about an hour out of Chinle. The kids thought it was great you could be in Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah all at the same time. Of course we took plenty of pictures of us all doing that! Next we were back on the road to Monument Valley. If you are a fan of Westerns like I was growing up. Even though he was dead before I was born, I loved John Wayne! A majority of his movies were filmed right there. The red rocks with unusual formations just jutting up out of the ground! I felt just like the the cowboy I wanted to be when I was 7 years old. I always wondered if they would take me as a cowboy I am a bedwetter? Then we were on the road to Page, Arizona accross the Glen Canyon Dam Bridge where we were some 450 feet above the Colorado River. To me it looked higher. We got on US Highway 89A to go to the Grand Canyon.

This is a wonderfully well-written piece! It's been a long time since I was 16, but I could feel it. ?

You've got the right to wear. You've got the right not to wear. Your call.

I actually got flagged yeaterday and just asked for the private room right away because I was wearing a onesie and I know that TSA officers generally get frustrated when they can feel my diaper but cannot see it physically. In this case I was simply was just patted down. No pants dropping which shocked me. After leaving the private room I noticed they literally had two other people who were behind me with their arms spread out checking crotches. One would have to assume they were not wearing diapers so maybe it was just a grope-a-thon day.

Hi onzl, thanks for the update I must admit I did get a bit of a giggle out of your last point I can just picture that all over the news. good luck with your trip I’m sure everything will be fine.

Like most of us here, I have wanted an adult sized crib for the longest time, it was probably ever since I grew out of a baby crib. Last Christmas, I was thrilled when my younger sister said she would build me one using my twin bed. My sisters know about my adult baby fetish due to some of my carelessness when I was younger. It was never my intention to have them find out, I was just foolish. At first, when my younger sister found out I wanted a crib, she started searching online for cribs. After not finding any (that didn’t cost an arm and a leg) that were big enough for me, she started designing one. It has tall railings for the sides of my bed and one smaller one for the head of the bed. The panel at the foot of the bed has a door cut out of the middle so I have a way to get in and out. When she had the plans drawn up, we went to Home Depot to get the materials. The whole thing is made of birch wood (at least I think that’s what it is) which was a little pricey but it will hold up for a long time. The whole thing is a baby blue color that I painted with a special kind of spray paint. I am kind of short at just 5 foot 5 but I have a big chest and very broad shoulders but the bed is plenty wide enough for me to sleep comfortably. I attached a babies mobile to the head of the crib. When I get in it wearing my babyish shirt, a thick disposable diaper, my baby booties, my pacifier in my mouth and a bottle of juice to drink before nodding off ; the feeling I get is pure bliss! P.S. When I figure out how to post a picture on here, I’ll post one for you guys.

I dont have any diapers at the moment, but I think I might go in my tight stretchy briefs....

My former wife (who threatened to reveal my secret after we split up) my previous g/f and my current partner. All accepted my kink and joined in with me.

The broken sleep was not truly restful and by the time five o’clock rolled around I dead tired but wide awake. The cold damp padding encasing my lions having become very uncomfortable and all I could think about. I could already start to smell the stale urine smell and I wanted so badly to finally man up and rip off the diaper. I just sighed though when I thought of the video clip she had shown me. Just the mere mention of something like that getting out to all my hockey buddies would be the death of me. What if my brother or sister or worse my folks saw it? How would I be able to explain it to them? Gently rolling out of bed I stood up in the thick bulging diapers and walked towards my bathroom in the natural habit of relieving myself upon waking up. The crinkle was deafening in the early morning silence. Knowing I was expected to just use my diaper waddled over and stood in front of the toilet. Closing my eyes and pretending it was just an ordinary morning I struggled for five minutes before slowly I was able to let go and really flood my diapers. They seemed to be swollen to capacity but the warmth of the latest wetting did make them feel a bit better again. Taking a quick moment to brush my teeth and then wash my face pausing momentarily when I looked up into the mirror. The image that stared back at me was a pathetic sight. Waddling back into my room I headed to my closet to find anything that would sort of conceal the diapers that were drooping quite noticeably. Not a single pair of pants I had would fit over and let me do up the button. Tried on a few different pairs of sweat pants before I found one that kind of hid the diapers. The saggy drooping diapers pushed down the sweatpants a bit leaving much more of the waist band exposed than I would have liked. Trying to counter this I found my longest fitting tee-shirt and pulled it on but while it hid the waist band it also seemed to just pull tight across the diapered area making it seem more obvious as to what I was wearing. Looking around for something else to hide the diapers I found an old oversized hoodie and tossed it on before walking back into the bathroom and check myself out in the mirror. If someone had a bad cataracts they just might not be able to tell but aside from that I was certain it was impossible to not tell. At least it was still early in the morning and not many people might be about. Catching a cab back to the arena I rejoiced in the fact it was a barren and empty parking lot before hoping in the truck cringing at the feeling of the soggy padding when I sat as I could feel pee leak out form the padding and lap around my balls before slowly absorbing back in. I just needed to make the day then this could all end I kept telling myself. With that I turned the key and off I set to Wendy’s apartment. Sure when I pulled up I was over an hour early, the clock have not even struck six, but the streets were not yet filled with people. Not content to just sit in my truck for another hour killing time, besides I was really getting sick of the feel of the wet diaper, I jumped out of my truck and walked over to the front doors. Standing at the entrance I quickly looked up her apartment number and gave it a buzz. I could hear a few rings before whomever was on the other end hung up. Waiting a second I punched in the apartment number again. Once more there was no answer. Sure I was a little early and she was most likely asleep but it was Wendy’s who wanted me here. Third times the charm I tried the buzzer once more. Before it even range I heard a key turn in the entrance door behind me. A man who looked more asleep than awake paid me no heed and right in. I waited just to the last second before reaching over and grabbing the door letting myself into the building. Letting my unknowing door man catch his own elevator I then waited for it to return before getting in and pressing the button for the thirty-second floor. As the elevator shot off I just kept telling myself, just make it through the day, just make it through the day. Once the elevator doors opened I retraced my steps from the day before and was soon standing before the door to Wendy’S apartment. Taking in a deep breath I started pounding on the door. I waited a bit and no answer so I started pounding on it again. Still no answer. Getting annoyed I pulled out my phone and just kept hitting redial for five minutes straight until at last I heard a groggy and annoyed sounding “Who is it?” as Wendy finally answered. “It’s me Ryan. I’m at your front door, let me in.” I barked. “Your early baby, just give mommy a second.” I could hear the sounds of footsteps slowly coming to the door before with the click of a lock the door swung open to reveal a disheveled looking Wendy in a house coat. She quickly embraced me in a huge exclaiming “Awww baby just could not wait to see his mommy again could he?” Her hand migrated down to my bottom and poked at the dropping material hanging around my waste. “Feels like baby did a lot of pee pee in his diapie. I bet he wants mommy to get him all cleaned up and put into a nice fresh one doesn’T he?” With that she stared into my eyes as if waiting for a reply. It took me a few seconds to clue into what she wanted but feeling her softly pat the diaper I got it. “Yes please mommy.” A large smile crossed her face as she offered up her hand “Take mommies hand then baby.” With that I was pulled into her apartment and led to her bed. There I stood as she slowly removed first my hoodie, taking her time to fold it up neatly. Then my tee-shirt repeating the process before pulling down my sweat pants stopping along the way to poke her finger in the leg band and exclaiming. “Oh dear you real do wet heavy. I might have to start triple diapering you.” Before continuing to pull down my pants. “Left foot up baby.” I complied as she pulled my foot out of the pant leg. “Now your right one baby.” Once more I did as she commanded. Folding my sweat pants up as well she disappeared to her closet with them returning instead with one all her baby changing supplies, this time the fresh diaper was one of the ones that had BABY in block letters across the front. As well as it looked like a baby blue top. Laying a mat underneath me she pushed me back a bit and I instinctively laid on my back on top of the mat. Then pulling of each of my socks she slowly went to work pulling off each one of the four tabs of the outer diaper first with no sense of urgency before repeating the task with the inner diaper. The whole time she hummed the annoying nursery rhyme tune. The front of the diaper loose she started to rub and tease me just getting me to rise to attention before pulling the front away. The cool air feeling oddly strange on my skin. “Looks like you are still loving your diapers aren’t you baby?” as she inspected the diaper closer “and you listened to mommy and made sticky in your diaper didn’t you?” Feeling beyond humiliated and knowing when she asked me these questions she expected and answer I replied. “Yes mommy.” She sweetly answered back “Good baby.” Before grabbing some wipes and setting to work cleaning me up. The first touch of the cold wipe on my dick caused it to stand down. She chuckled to herself and returned to her humming. My arms moved up and covered my face as if that would shield me from the whole process but only added to my misery when Wendy said “Is my baby a little shy, aww don’t worry here take your paci.” Popping in the pacifier to my mouth. Sucking on it did seem to help my mind wander as I dreamed of being anywhere but there and for the most part succeeding only hearing her sing out commands. “Lift up baby.” “Scoot over a touch.” “Now we are going to make you smell all nice.” Before I knew it she was slowly stroking my dick causing it to rise to attention again as the sweet smelling perfume of the baby lotion entered my nostrils. Just as I started to join in on her motion with my hips she stopped and sprinkled me with baby powder before bringing up the front of the diaper and taping it securely in place. Trapping me in a sexually frustrated state. Taking my hands she pulled me up to my feet before exclaiming. “Look how adorable your new diaper is.” With that she gave me a quick rub through the padded material. “It has your name written right across the front of it just so we know whose diapers these are.” I hung my head feeling completely emasculated. “You are probably not old enough to read yet so let mommy help you out. One by one she poked into my diaper B A B Y, Do you know what that spells? BABY! And that is what you are.” There was no way I was going to make it through the day if she kept this up. Grabbing the light blue shirt off to the side she told me “Arms up now.” Before pulling it down over my head. Once she had it pulled down over my diaper I realized this was one of the onesies she had shown me and mentally flinched as I heard each snap along the crotch click closed. With the she looked up beaming at me rubbing the padding through the front of the onesie before giving me a peck on the cheek. “Now you were a fussy little baby and woke mommy up early so crawl into bed while mommy goes and gets you a bottle so we can have a little nap.” Turning around she left the room. I looked down at the front of my onesie and noticed a big character of Winnie the Pooh and had to struggle to keep myself from crying from the shame I was feeling. I crawled up onto the bed as asked though and waited for her to return. Once she did she tucked me in under the covers before cuddling up in big spoon again. The warmth of her body radiated to me and I could feel her breath and focused on that calming rhythm to keep from completely breaking down. Wendy pulled the pacifier out of my mouth then promptly placed the nipple from the baby bottle in its place and I nursed back the sweet apple juice contents before somehow managing to drift off to sleep. When I came too I was in a blissful state momentarily forgetting my predicament. My hips were genteelly pulsing forwards and one by one my senses came to. First the smell of the baby lotion, then the sound of my diaper crinkling lastly the sight of Wendy’s hand rubbing the front of my diaper. No sooner had I become fully alert then the rubbing of my diaper stopped. Slowly she pulled her hand away and I could feel myself thrusting further forward trying to re-establish contact with it before she just ran it up my side giving me a little tickle before saying. “You are just too adorable but mommy thinks it is time we got up and enjoyed our day together though.” With that she threw back the covers before rolling out of bed and coming over taking my hand to and pulling me out of bed in toe. With my hand firmly in hers she started to lead the way before stopping and looking back at me. “You know I think you should crawl when we are in the house.” “I don’t want to crawl” Awww “Baby seems to be a grumpy pants. Now remember you need to mind your manners and address me properly today as well as not fuss when I tell you to do something. Unless of course you want your little diaper humping video getting out.” That was enough of a threat for me and slowly I dropped to my hands and knees. “Sorry mommy.” “Good baby now follow mommy.” With a bit of a jump in her step she continued into the main room of the apartment before directing me to sit at the base of her couch. “Now sit here and be good while mommy makes you some breakfast.” With that she flicked on the TV and then walked away with the remote to the kitchen. “Oh no! Naughty Noo-Noo!” came blaring from the TV. Just great I was going to have to sit here dressed as a baby listening to Teletubbies. Just how I wanted to spend my Sunday. Returning from the kitchen Wendy produce another bottle and said “Now be a good baby and make sure that is all gone by the time I have your food ready or I will be giving you two more.” Begrudgingly I started sucking back the new bottle before pulling it away from my mouth and trying to make any sense of what was happening in the Teletubies show “Po cootah!”, “Laa-Laa cootah!” How did this actually become a real television show? “Uh oh looks like someone was a naughty baby and didn’t listen to mommy.” Looking over to Wendy I saw her looking down adoringly at me. Then past her I looked at the table and saw a large bowl with steam raising off it sitting in the middle of the table. Realizing what this meant I put the bottle to my lips and started sucking feverishly and in no time had the bottle finished. I hoped this was good enough for Wendy as I just looked over to her waiting for a response. “Looks like someone is a real thirsty baby good thing you are getting two more bottles now.” My heart sank as I was already beginning to feel the pressure slowly growing in my bladder and while it was inevitable that I would be wetting at some point during the day I was hoping it was going to be later instead of sooner. “Crawl over to the table and mommy will help you into your seat.” I did as instructed and once I was there she grabbed my arm saying “Up” so I stood up only to have her pat my padded butt before guiding me into a chair. “Now wait there and mommy with be right back with a new baba for you.” Now that I was at the table I was better able to inspect the bowl which was filled up to the rim with porridge. It was more than enough to have happily fed two people with ease. Beside it sat a lone solitary spoon. My eyes grew as I clued in Wendy intended to feed me the whole bowl. Caught in a trance as I stared at the bowl I was awoken when I saw a the baba return full of juice once more. Wendy pulling up a chair beside me playfully brushed my hair before producing a bib and with a bit of pageantry secured it around my neck. Looking down at it I read what was embroidered upon it. “Silly Mommy my cape goes on the other way.” I thought it was kind of funny so let a stifled laugh pass my lips which seemed to make Wendy happy. Draping one arm over my shoulder she pulled the bowl towards her saying “I think my baby likes his new bib doesn’t he?” As I opened my mouth to object she skillfully guided a spoonful of the porridge into my mouth. I never closed my mouth though so as she withdrew the spoon still with most of it’S contents on it she purposely smeared the spoonful across my face. Glaring at her she just continued on “I have such a fussy little baby, maybe he needs mommy to give him a little spanking to get him to behave.” Her up to now motherly look changing to a stern look to meet my glare. Realizing she was getting annoyed and trying to explain myself I said “I not hungry and I don’t like porridge.” Wendy still with a stern look on her face placed the spoon back in the bowl and used her freed up hand to firmly grab my chin and and force me to look in her eyes. “Baby I have already given you one warning, this is your second. You are to do whatever mommy wants today that is finale. Not only are you going to eat all this porridge but you are going to greedily welcome each and every spoon I bring to your mouth. Because I know you are just a baby and did not know any better I am going to give you one more chance but after that your little video is going to be shared everywhere.” With that she released my chin and I could not help but look down in defeat. “Look up at mommy baby and tell me if you understand.” Slowly I raised my eyes back to meet hers probably looking like a dog that had been beaten. “I understand mommy.” Gleefully she cried out while giving my diapered crotch a fir pat before sneaking in a finger to do a diaper check. “Good now lets get back to feeding mommies little baby. I kind of think secretly you are wanting to make mommy to share your cute little home video there. One more thing baby I expect you to be wet by the time you are done eating.” The threat was real in my mind and I ate spoonful after spoonful to well past the point where I felt like I was going to burst. All the while trying to make myself pee into my diaper. Try as I might my subconscious was not willing to submit to the will of Wendy and I just could not wet. The last couple mouthfuls swallowed, Wendy dotingly wiped all the porridge I had managed to miss and was all over my face before asking “So did my baby wet himself?” I could only look down about to burst into tears as I knew this was my last chance and my life was over, she was going to post that video. As if reading my thoughts and confirming my fears she spoke up “Tsk, tsk I guess you really do just want everyone to see what a big baby you are.” Starting to rise from her seat I forcibly pulled her back into the seat “I’m sorry mommy I really am trying to go I just can’t.” In a panic I scanned the table spotting the full baba sitting there still. “I just need to be fed another baba is all and I am sure I will be able to wet myself. I’m really trying.” Releasing her hand she said nothing as she stood up and started to walk away from the table. That was it I was done. Only a few strides away she looked back at me catching my gaze. My misty eyes about to burst open with tears she said “Awww okay baby you look so cute I believe you are trying. Grab your baba then crawl over to the couch.” As she walked over to it and sat down in the middle. I was over joyed with her decision and in quick time had grabbed my baba and crawled over to her obediently sitting at her feet waiting her next instruction. “Okay now climb up onto mommies lap and straddle her.” It was a little awkward but I managed and soon we were sitting face to face. Her face just beaming with confidence “Such a good baby, yes you are” she exclaimed as she nuzzled her face into mine rubbing our noses together. “Now give mommy your baba.” I did as requested and in an overhand grip she rested it on top of her shoulder and told me to drink. Moving my head in she started to whisper encouragements to me while rubbing my back. AS the bottle almost came to a finish though and still having not wet myself her whisper of encouragement turned back to one of warning. “This is your last chance baby flood your diapers for mommy and prove just what a cute little helpless baby you really are.” Cheating a bit by only mocking a sucking action on the bottle I scrunched up my face push and pushing on my bladder to release itself. A brief little squirt came out and I breathed a sigh of relief relaxing thinking I was finally going to wet myself. As soon as I relaxed it stopped so I had to go back to pushing as hard as I could. Wendy seemed to be loving the show I was putting on for her as she half in laughter said “Good baby go on wet your diaper, do it for mommy you are almost there and it is going to feel so good once you do.” For a few minutes more I pushed until finally the stream started again. Relaxing again this time I kept my mind on the stream and managed to keep going and going and going. It seemed like it took an eternity to empty my bladder and as I felt my warm pee trickling down over my scrotum and pooling in my diaper I could feel Wendy starting to drive her hips up a bit creating an erotic sensation where I could feel my balls dipping in and out of the increasing amount of pee in my diaper. This made it harder to maintain the stream as I was getting very aroused. Expelling as much urine as I could I synched in my hips thrusting with the movement of Wendy. “Good baby” Wendy whispered into my ear. “Now finish your bottle up.” With my eyes closed I sucked back on the bottle draining the last few mouthfuls all while still pumping my hips. As soon as the bottle was finished though Wendy spoke louder. “Okay baby time to stop humping your diaper.” Still overly excited I tried to keep going but she just brought her hand up my back and grabbed my ear forcefully giving it a twist. The pain causing my head to try to twist with the ear I stopped. “Sorry baby but you have to learn to listen to mommy.” With that she went right back to rubbing my back ever couple rubs giving me a few pats on the back. Eventually leaving me to let loose with a deafening beelch. It seemed to take us both off guard and I just looked at her and shrugged “Sorry” She just smiled and laughed back tickling my sides a bit making me squirm. For a split second I was actually having a good time. No, I couldn’t be having a good time trapped as a baby with this women. My mind resetting back to just begrudgingly making it through the day so I could delete that video she had of me. Wendy seemed to see my demeanour change again so she spoke up “Alright little pissy pants lets go get you changed follow mommy.” Crawling off her lap I followed in behind her thinking she was just going to lead me to her bed instead she opened up her ensuite and had me crawl to the middle of the bathroom before commanding “Sit there while mommy draws you a bath.” I did as told still trying to get use to the feeling of sitting in a wet diaper as she turned on the taps testing the temperature before being satisfied she squirted some bubble bath into the water in not time huge mounds of bubbles were foaming. While this was going on she pulled down her pants calmly as could be and sat on the toilet. I looked up at her and she just said with a smirk “Mommies use toilets because they are all grown up but babies like you are so lucky because they just get to crawl around with their toilets wrapped around them.” This brought home the situation to me and I did start to sulk staring at the floor not being able to watch her flaunt her position over me. When she had finished her business she stood up turning off the taps before walking over to me. “Okay lay down baby and we will get that icky diaper off you.” I laid down passively and Wendy turned it into a whole spectacle slowly popping each snap of the onesie while teasing me about what she might find in my diaper. Once my diaper was exposed she kept at it reminding me about how my name was blazed across the front of the diaper once more slowly pointing out and spelling B A B Y before pulling the tabs and releasing me from the wet confines of the diaper. The cool feel of fresh air on my skin was a welcomed relief. Helping me to my feet she then pulled the onesie off me and led me to the tub guiding me into the warm soothing water. Being bathed by her was a sensual experience and once more I found myself enjoying the experience loosing track of time until she said “All done baby now stand up.” I did as I was told and was about to step out of the tub when she swatted my leg. “No stay in the tub baby we need to take care of this little problem.” With that she gave some of my pubic hairs a stiff tug causing me to jump a little bit. She turned around to grab a few things from the vanity. When I saw what was in her hands I opened my mouth to protest but she just slid a pacifier in it and shot me the stern glance I knew meant I needed to just follow her instructions. “Babies don’t have all that icky hair down there besides it really makes cleaning up during diaper changes a pain” Grabbing a pair of scissors so continued “Baby just needs to listen to mommy and everything will be okay. If you don’t” Snapping the scissors together to make a loud snip sound. “Well baby wouldn’t want that now would he?” Feeling nothing but disgust at myself for continuing along with her regression of me I just shook my head no and looked down. Watching her work I saw the signs of my maturity and manhood be first trimmed down then covered in saving cream and lastly shaved smooth as a babies bottom. Speaking of which having my rear shave was the most humiliating as she made me pull my cheeks apart so she could get every last hair. It was only once she did that I was then allowed to exit the tub and she dried me off with a big fluffy towel. “All clean baby, now let’s get you ready for our big day out.” “Big bay out?” was all I managed from behind my pacifier as she guided me by the hand to her bed.

It took some time but now it doesn't really bother me. I wear diapers. I wet my diapers. I probably walk, waddle, toddle, a bit differently when I'm wet. That's what happens when diapers get wet. It doesn't really matter what others think or if they even notice.

No, no song here. But I do want to laid out wearing a nursery print onsie, a diaper and rubber pants. Nothing else. I won't care what people think or say!

I have a whole funerary playlist, this is but one of them.

I've not really thought about my funeral but I guess something like this -

Darn, you figured me out! Maaaaaaaaaaaaybe Glad you're enjoying it! I have a decent amount of future story ideas already. I was thinking of making a chapter 1 for all of them and leaving it up to a vote on which one should be worked on first. I thought that would be fun! I personally don't trust anyone in the medical field, absolutely DO NOT trust anyone in the medical field without doing extensive research of your own. Most of them just want their paycheck and couldn't give a rat's tookus what happens to you. Glad you're enjoying it! Hope I can continue to supply you with good quality masturbation material I mean engaging narrative content Good news and bad news everyone Good news: Chapter 7 is Ready to Roll and Chapter 8 will be out shortly! Bad news: Chapter 7 is a shorter chapter and I'm very sorry about that. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway! Chapter 8 will be longer I promise! :3 ====Chapter 7 Lost in the woods==== I found myself in a field at night time. "oh fuck how did I end up here?" I said to myself. Walking around I quickly realized there was no one in sight, no houses nearby either. Only the bright light of the full moon keeping everything lit. Loud growling noises could be heard from behind me. Slowly I turned my head to find a pack of huge feral dogs all foaming at the mouth slowly inching towards me. Quickly I began to run as fast as I could, I just kept running and running with no intentions to stop anytime soon. I saw a body of water in front of me, I knew if I stopped I'd be dead. My only option was to take my chances with the water. I took a leap of faith into the body of water creating a huge splash behind me. I began swimming, strangely I was actually swimming way faster than when I was on land running. Why was this? I stopped and put my hand in front of my face, I couldn't believe what I saw. This wasn't my hand in front of my face, this was the webbed foot of a platypus! Somehow I had turned into a platypus, but how? THE MILK! OFCOURSE!! STACY AND EMMA MUST'VE BEEN GIVING ME SOME SORT OF MAGIC MILK TO TURN ME INTO A PLATYPUS! wait....actually that makes no sense. Why would they want me to become a platypus? And even if they DID want me to become a platypus why would they drop me off in the middle of nowhere. You can't reap the benefits of having a platypus, whatever those might be. If you don't keep the platypus with you! This whole thing made no sense. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain coming from behind. Slowly turning around around I saw one of the feral dogs from before had swam out to where I was and decided to bite my tender platypus rump. I screamed in terror figuring this must be the end of it all. The dog had already taken a huge chunk of my butt off of my body, there's no way I was going to survive anymore of this. I was either going to die from the dog or die from the massive amounts of blood spewing out of my literally torn up ass. I closed my eyes and just began crying, wanting to just go back to being babied by two very attractive women, not a care in the world and more importantly not a huge hole in my butt....that wasn't supposed to be there. I shot up covered in sweat my whole body was shaking and I was crying. 'It was just a dream' I thought to myself absolutely relieved. Still crying from the absolute shock of everything. That was the most vivid dream I ever had. "Oh baby! Are you alright?" Emma said hugging me close to her. "I didn't want to wake you since you seemed to be asleep so peacefully when I got home, so I just decided that you'd sleep next to Mommy tonight." Emma commented continuing to hug me tightly, stroking my hair with her free hand. "Did baby have a nightmare?" Emma asked. I nodded in reply, hugging Emma close, never wanting to let go. It felt so nice and warm hugged in Emma's arms. Her soft warm breasts pushing against my body "I think I know something that'll make you feel better." Emma detached my pacifier gag and positioned me to where I was laying across her lap, my face less than an inch away from her already exposed nipple. "There we go precious, now just suckle Mommy's nipple and relax." Emma pushed my face into her massive mammary. I began to suck Emma's giant breast as milk flowed into my mouth. There was significantly more milk coming out than there was when I was sucking on Auntie Stacy's breasts earlier. I couldn't keep up, milk started pouring out of the sides of my mouth as I sucked as much as I could. "That's it baby, just relax and suckle on mommy's titties. Mommy will take care of everything." Emma reached down the front of my diaper and started gently stroking my cock with her free hand. I continued sucking the delicious milk out of Emma's overflowing breasts. The whole thing was very comforting all I had to do was suck on a very attractive woman's teats and in return I got delicious milk and I got jerked off. Really this whole being Emma's baby thing was starting to look kinda appealing. "That's it baby, keep emptying Mommy's big heavy titties. Usually it doesn't get this bad, but I haven't had any time to pump since I got home. Shhhh Shhhhh Shhhh that's it, keep drinking, that's my good baby boy." Emma cooed I began feeling drowsy, my eyes getting heavier and heavier I didn't know how long I could.... ********************* "Awww, looks like my little baby passed out" Emma giggled under her breath, wiping Daniel's face of the excess milk with a baby wipe. Emma reached for her cellphone and started to dial. Emma: "Stacy, Our little project had a nightmare." Stacy: "How did he react?" Emma: "Better than expected, he was all over my tits afterwards, no struggling or anything. I think he's warming up to the idea of being our little baby boy." Stacy: "Oh goody! I can't wait to babysit again, he's so cute! My titties already miss him." Emma: "I know, I feel very engorged myself. I need to make him up more of his special milk soon. He might have more nightmares, but it seems to be increasing his compliance. Not a bad trade off if you ask me. Anyway Stacy I'll talk to you later, I have a few things I have to get ready before I go to bed." Stacy: "Alright, talk to you later Emma thanks for the update!" Emma: "Bye." Stacy: "Baaaai." ********************* I felt myself being adjusted which caused me to open my eyes half way to see what was going on. Emma's nipple was less than an inch away from my face, I could literally feel it brushing against my mouth. "I'm sorry to wake you honey but you have to finish what you started, Mommy's titties are very full and it's your job as Mommy's baby to suck all the yummy milk out of them." Emma pushed my face into her breast essentially forcing me to suck on her nipple. "That's a good boy, You can go back to sleep if you want do, but Mommy is going to finish your milking so that you don't wake up in the morning needing to be milked." Emma reached her hand under my diaper again and continued to stroke me as I sucked her titties.. "I have a lovely outing planned for you tomorrow baby! We're going to go to the park, I even bought you a special stroller that I'm sure you'll love." Emma cooed at me continuing to bring me off 'How could someone love a stroller? It's just a way to get something from one place to another, what about it could be particularly enjoyable? Is it attached to a roller coaster?' I thought to myself contently sucking on Mommy Emma's titty, squeezing the other one with my free hand. "Mmmmm Good boy, keep squeezing Mommy's big squishy titties!" Emma moaned pulling me closer to her large full breast, still stroking my erect cock with her free hand. I could feel the pressure building up in my penis, I didn't even try to resist I just kinda let it happen. I shot a hot load into my diaper one spurt after another of hot sticky cum. "Good boy doing cummies for Mommy. Alright sweetheart, time to get some rest, we have a big day tomorrow." ====End of Chapter 7==== As always I hope you enjoyed and I'd love to hear what you have to say! Your comments let me know what you like and what you didn't like! It also keeps me motivated and helps me improve future chapters!

That does seem to be the way of things in a BDSM relationship.

Finally got around to releasing Who is Mommy Violet and Aunt Jennifer's Offer as eBooks! Both have an extra story added to them! Even if you read the story on here, but wish to support me and my writing, please consider spending a few bucks on buying the story (and reading the extra content!) it would mean a lot to me Who is Mommy Violet? - https://payhip.com/b/OR8J Aunt Jennifer's Offer - https://payhip.com/b/1HXS

Nice addition, I wonder what they get into next?

Here it is! The last chapter!! Can't believe we are finally here I've really loved writing this story! And who knows, there may be a sequel in the future (though no plans for that now) Also it won't be the last time you see this story! I'm working on turning it to a novel with a few extra chapters! I'll release more info on that when it's finish (which will be sometime this week) ALSO next Monday I will be posting the 1st chapter of my newest story Babysitting 101! Where a female friend wants to learn how to babysit and therefore asks her male best friend to let her practice on him If you don't want to wait another week to read it and want to see an exclusive story then check out my Patreon page! https://www.patreon.com/mamabug Any and all support is much appreciated! I'm working hard to turn my writing into a career But anyway, here is the last chapter of Who is Mommy Violet! Enjoy!!! Chapter Eighteen “Wow!” It was all Lilly said as she pressed her fingers against his crotch, feeling the wetness beneath her fingertips. “Is it…bad…” Daniel asked, feeling hesitant and a bit nervous about what her reaction was going to be. Lilly shook her head. “No, it’s wonderful.” “R-really?” Daniel asked her, a bit shocked. He knew that when they spoke online, she seemed to be into it. But now that they were in person, he couldn’t help but have a bit of doubt that she would be turned off by the whole experience. Lilly giggled as she leaned over and kissed him. “Yes. I promise…it’s extremely hot.” “Oh wow,” Daniel blushed, feeling himself grow excited as Lilly continued to kiss him, keeping her hand against his wet diaper. She pulled herself closer, to the point she was sitting on his lap, pressing herself against him. After a few minutes, Lilly pushed back slightly and got off of him, but not before grabbing his hand and leading him towards the bedroom. The thick diaper between his legs caused him to waddle a bit as he followed behind her. Once they got into his bedroom, they started kissing again; Lilly pulled his shirt off before pushing him onto the bed. It was then when she took off her shirt and pants. She was wearing a blue bra and white panties. She had more of a figure then he thought, and he felt his dick grow even harder just looking at her frame. “Wow, you’re…incredible,” Daniel said, and Lilly smiled at him. “Thank you,” she said as she walked closer to him, “I think you’re still hesitant with me.” “Umm…perhaps a bit.” He said as he lowered his head. “I need you to know…to understand…” Lilly took a deep breath. “What this does for me.” Without another word, she grabbed his hand and placed it under her underwear and up against her – he let out a slight gasp as he felt how wet she was. She was soaked! He couldn’t believe it. “You understand now?” She asked him, biting her lip as she pressed his fingers harder against herself. “Uh, huh.” He blushed as he nodded his head, wiggling softly as he felt her. “This excites me just as much as it does you,” she continued, “don’t forget that.” “I won’t…I’m sorry…” “Don’t apologize,” Lilly said as she let his hand go and kissed him again, pushing herself on top of him to where he fell onto the bed. “Is there anything you want me to do for you?” She asked him, kissing his lips, to his cheek and his neck. “I don’t know…” he said. “I’m enjoying this, though.” “Me too.” Daniel couldn’t believe this was happening. If someone would have told him a few months ago, this is where he would be; he wouldn’t have found him. How is it that he now has this amazing person in his life who shares his love and understanding for diapers – and someone he connects with on everything else with? How did he get this lucky…he felt like he was almost undeserving, after all, he did push Lilly away before and now… “Are you okay?” Lilly asked him, breaking him free from his trance. “Yeah, I’m….I’m okay…just thinking how stupid I was for pushing you away.” “Shhhh,” Lilly said, pressing her fingers against his lips, “stop bringing it up. If you mention it again….I might have to spank you.” Daniel felt his cheeks grow hot as she said those words. Lilly slipped her hand back on the front of his diaper, pressing hard, moving her hand up and down. Daniel bit his lip hard as he let out a moan, feeling the thick wet diaper and her hand press against his dick. It felt amazing. “Do you like that?” She asked softly, and he nodded his head. “Good,” she whispered as she pressed, even more, he felt like if she kept doing it for too long, he was going to explode. It was then she bent down, placing her face against his diaper, before taking a deep breath and inhaling. “You sure are stinky.” She giggled. “I bet you want to get out of this wet diaper, don’t you?” Daniel nodded his head, wiggling slightly, unable to find his voice. Every time she spoke, he felt himself shrink down. Lilly got off of him and made her way to his closet, pulling out some wipes before she returned. “Let’s get you all nice and clean!” She cooed as she placed the wipes next to him. He wasn’t sure how much more of this teasing he was going to be able to take. Lilly tore at the tapes, pulling down the diaper, revealing his hard dick. She smiled as she licked her lips, grabbing a bunch of wipes as she began to wipe down his front, making sure to go slowly over his dick and his balls. At one point, she made him pull up his knees so that she could get a better angle to make sure he was ‘completely clean.’ “You soaked your diaper, mister!” She said as she shook her head. “I think if you wet any more, you may have leaked!” She placed the used wipes inside of the diaper, before grabbing the last one and doing one final wipe down before she wrapped the dirty diaper and set it on the floor. “There we go! Now you are all clean!” “T-thank you,” Daniel managed to let out a whisper, “Lilly.” Lilly gave him a slight frown. “I don’t like that.” “Don’t like what?” “I don’t like you calling me that…during…this.” “Oh,” Daniel said as he realized what she meant. He knew the word she wanted to be called, but he wasn’t sure if he could muster it up. It was something he always dreamed about, but now that it was a reality, it was way different than how it was when they were online. “Come on,” Lilly said as she began to take off her panties and bra, which just caused him to grow more nervous as he watched her perky breast and hard pink nipples. He licked his lips. “You can do it,” Lilly whispered as she crawled back on top of him, pressing her naked body against his own, pressing her lips against his cheek, “It’s just one simple word.” “M…mo…” Daniel started to speak; his voice was shaky. “It’s okay,” Lilly said, “no need to be afraid. No need to feel nervous. I’m here with you, beside you.” “Mommy.” Daniel finally said, and he felt his whole body relax as the words escaped his lips. Lilly smiled at him before pressing her lips against him. “Hmmm,” she moaned slightly, and he couldn’t help but wonder what those words did for her. “Good job,” she whispered as she positioned herself to where he was about to enter her, “keep saying it.” “Mommy.” He said it once more, and with that, she let him slide into her wetness – and it was terrific. They both let out a gasp. “Keep going,” Lilly moaned as she began to rock her hips slowly. “Mommy.” Every time he said it, he felt Lilly tense up and go a bit faster, which just caused him to bite his lips hard and drove him crazy as well. He never experienced anything like this before, the build-up to this point, was making it hard for him to last. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate, but Lilly kept telling him to call her that over and over again and every single time, it drove him crazy. “Keep saying it,” she demanded of him, pressing down harder, rocking back and forth, her breast bouncing slightly. “But…I’m about to cum!” He said. “You need to ask me for permission for that,” she told him, slowing down slightly, as she lowered her head to kiss him hard against the lips. “May I cum..m-mommy?” He asked in a timid voice. “Of course,” she whispered, “you may cum. Be a good boy and cum for mommy. Think about me putting you in a diaper…and changing you…” “Ugh,” he let out a moan, shutting his eyes as Lilly began to pick up the pace once more. Sweat was pouring down his face, until suddenly he came and he took a deep breath, panting hard as his head fell onto the bed. “Good boy,” Lilly said as he hopped off of him and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her as the two of them laid there in silence for a few minutes. “That was amazing,” Daniel said, finally catching his breath. “Yeah, it sure was,” she replied, “and there will be more of that to come…and even more.” “More?” Daniel said, but then nodded his head in agreement, “I look forward to everything.” “Me too.” And at that moment, Daniel experienced a moment of perfection, of total bliss, and he couldn’t wait to see what else was ahead for the two of them.

Time for another update, I just wanted to let everyone know that there's more swearing in this chapter so be prepared for that and also I dont have a lot of medical knowledge so if I've got something wrong please let me know so I can correct it. *** Part 16 Wicked witch I rejoined Kaylee and her friends “Are you alright?” asked boy one “What did she do?” asked Boy two as I sat down with them “Your right shes a bitch” I made sure to whisper the last part so Martha and the other Littles didn't over hear “What did she do?” all three asked “I told them what she had said, how she changed me and finally what she had done at the end “Sounds like you got off easy” sighed Kaylee, without knowing what she had done to boy one I guess I had to take her word for it “That doesn't mean I’m going to take it lying down if she tries any of that shit just one more time…” the two boys cut me off “Don't” “Just let it go it will be worse if you try to fight back” “She will be gone after this week anyway” added Kaylee “Just avoid her till then” While at some level I knew they were right a greater part of me just wanted to put this bully in her place, I looked over to the change room and saw her leaving “Just one more time” I muttered, turning back I saw all three of them were shaking their heads. I finally learned the two boys names when we went outside to play “LETS PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!” squealed Kaylee and a couple of other Littles came over to join the group “John you can seek first” “Why do I have to” whined John “Because your the oldest, Peter you can go next” “But I want to go first Kaylee” Peter also whined, I was starting to get the feeling this was a normal thing for Kaylee and the two boys “No Johns going first now start” John moped over to the nearest tree and started counting, Littles scattered in every direction “Come on” Kaylee grabbed my hand and pulled me off towards the outside shed, there was a gap between the shed and the fence that Kaylee squeezed in. I slowly made my way between the two walls and out the other side I was expecting it to just be a tight fit the entire way but after the shed there was a space just large enough to sit “Sit with me” whispered Kaylee, I took a seat next to her "This is my private spot" whispered Kaylee, I looked around the spot and thought it looked more like where the gardener kept their rakes and stuff, there was a gate that lead into here, now that I looked but I don't think we were supposed to be here "What are we doing here?" I asked in a whisper of my own "Hiding silly" she replied and closed her eyes, I guess she was listening for John and sure enough I heard him running around and occasionally shouting how he found so and so. Ten minutes went by and I gathered that everyone had been found by now apart from us "Where's Kaylee and the new girl" asked a male voice I didn't recognise "I bet she's cheating and hiding inside again" said a high pitched female voice "Not this time let's go!" Shouted John and I heard footsteps running away from us, I looked over to see Kaylees grinning face, even with her eyes closed she is evil “Your a cheater you know that right?” I said in a whisper “We never set bounds” replied Kaylee and she opened her eyes to look at me “Sounds like lawyering to me” I shrugged, she giggled and stood up “Well sounds like they are all looking for us inside now time to go” Kaylee led the way out and sneaked over to the nearest flower bush “Why are we here?” I asked after I crouched with her “So we don't have to show our real hiding spot” the look on her face looked like it wanted to add “dah” to the end, I just shook my head at her. Time after time Kaylee would pull off this cheating move till it was finally her turn to find everyone how no one caught on I have no idea, I was sure Jenny didn't give two shits what we did as long as it didn't make her life harder but Martha how she didn't see where Kaylee went each time is beyond me. After hide and seek was over most of us decided to go back inside for a bit because it was Jenny's turn to watch the Littles playing outside which was a good thing for me “Kaylee I need to go” I whispered to her as she was looking for a toy in the toy chest “Then go she said simply” not even looking up at me, I had finally gotten to the point where normally I would do just that but that was with the knowledge that Rose had diapered me and nothing that I throw at it could make it leak, I may had poured water down the front to test and Rose may have thought there was something wrong with me peeing that much anyway this time is different “You know who didn't put the diaper on right and I think it might leak” I whispered, this time she did look up “Oh goody” she lit up like I had just told her she had won the lotto, I frowned “Why is that good?” “Because if you do leak you know who is bound to get in trouble for diapering you wrong” I thought about it for a moment “Won't she get mad at that?” “Your a Little all Amazons expect us to not know when we need to go, I haven't for a couple of months now” said Kaylee in a thoughtful voice “Am I wet?” before this could sink in that there is no way I would know she grabbed my hand and held it to her crotch, I instantly felt the squishy diaper and pulled my hand back in disgust, my wet diapers were one thing but touching hers especially without warning was entirely another “Thats gross” I hissed, as if she didn't hear me she asked again “Am I wet?” “Yes” I near spat “Oh I didn't realise” bullshit, even if she didn't know when she was peeing I now know for a fact that the diaper feels different when wet than dry “I’ll be back shortly” she said jogging off “Back Kaylee…” I tried calling but trailed off as she kept running and I was left alone with the dilema go taking my chances with this miss fitted diaper and holding it wait no there is another option I could just ask Martha to put me in a better fitted diaper it's not like Jenny would know, I nodded to confirm my decision and walked after Kaylee. I waited outside the change room till the door was opened to reveal Kaylee and Martha walking out “Emy can I help you?” asked Martha as she saw me “She's waiting for me” said Kaylee standing beside me “That and I wanted to ask you too change me” I said looking up at the Amazon “Oh are you wet?” she asked bending down probably to check me “No” I answered before she could find out for herself “Then why do you need a change?” she asked and I could see Kaylee had a worried expression on her face, I watched her for a second then responded “I’m afraid this diaper will leak if I use it” there was a moment of surprise on the Amazons face then a smile appeared “The only thing you should be worrying about is how much fun you're going to have” I frowned knowing that she saw me as a child worrying about adult things “You don't need to worry about your…” I cut her off “Jenny put it on badly look” I unfastened the overalls to reveal the il fitting diaper “Oh” Martha stared for a moment then she pulled the diaper a little and I could see Kaylee had covered her face with her hands and was shaking her head, it then occurred to me that I had fucked up, there was no way that Martha wouldn't tell Jenny about this now “Your right this could easily leak” said Martha in thought, I decided I had better try backpedaling “Now that I look at it it's not bad” and started to reattach my overalls when I felt the larger Amazon hand on mine “Let's fix this diaper” with one quick motion I was scooped up and off into the change room that Kaylee had just left. Martha placed me gently on the changing table “Do you know if you need to go now?” asked Martha clearly thinking it was useless to ask “I do” I replied and martha's face was clearly surprised at hearing this “Why's that?” I asked thinking that she was just going to put a new diaper on me “We aren't supposed to change diapers unless they have been used first but readjusting the tapes after so long won't stick very well so...” she trailed off, I nodded my understanding, she wanted to readjust the tapes now and have me do my business then change me properly, I laid down and she quickly adjusted the tapes and I could tell now that it wouldn't leak but looking at the tapes it was clear that even I might be able to remove them “Um could you give me a bit of privacy” I said after Martha had not moved for a minute “Oh sure” Martha was clearly a bit surprised but walked off to fiddle with something else while I closed my eyes and felt the trickle turn into a full stream gushing into the absorbent padding hugging me “Done” I sighed in relief, that had been growing in need for some time it was good to not have to worry about that any more. Martha changed me as quickly and gently as I thought she would, she was nothing like Jenny and maybe even better than Rose, when we were out the door I expected to be let down but the Amazon kept walking over to the kitchen and set me down I was confused about it but started to wander off all the same “Emy hold up a second” I turned back at Martha's words, she opened the little fridge on the bench and pulled out a bottle with some dark liquid in it, after a quick check of the thing on her wrist and the bottle itself she handed it to me “Here you need to keep your fluids up” I took it awkwardly, she gives me a quick smile and walks off. I watch Martha head over to Jenny as I rejoin Kaylee and see her start a conversation that I know isn't going to end well for me "To late now" says Kaylee and I feel a hand on my shoulder "Yea" I sighed both of us knowing that what will be will be and there was nothing that could be done now. I join Kaylee at another silly game for an hour or so till I notice that Jenny was wandering around the room doing the occasional diaper check, I was still dry even after that juice I was given so I should be fine, she comes over to us and checks Kaylee almost without the girl noticing then moves on to me, with a quick check she proclaims "we have one, come with me" I glared at her "I'm not wet I say" my eyes not leaving hers "I say you are now come with me" "No" I fire back "Don't talk back to me or I'll have to punish you" I could see that she wanted any excuse to dish out a punishment "I want Martha to check me" I say ignoring her threat "She will just tell you the same thing now last chance” I thought about it and came to the decision that I might as well get this over with now then hide from her all day like a coward “fine” I mutter and get up to follow her but she doesn't take me to the change room instead to the door next to it “what is…” before I can get a good look inside I was forced in and the door was shut behind me, I quickly spin to try and stop the closing door but it was no good “Start nursery” said Jenny in a voice I knew was a command for some computer “Started” said a cheerful voice, I quickly glanced around the room and as expected didn't see anyone the voice could have came from “Prepare Little for examination” said Jenny and within a moment cartoonish looking metal arms came out of the walls and picked me up, the worst part I kid you not is that the hands were covered with Mickey mouse style gloves “WHAT THE HELL!” I shout as I’m placed on the closest change table, I try to push myself up but am immediately stopped by the gloved machine “I told you not to get on my nerves” said Jenny coming over to look down at me “I didn't do anything to you” I spat trying to escape the table “Restrain the Little” straight away more hands appeared and held each of my limbs down alone with a strap placed over my chest “I had an interesting conversation with Martha care to guess what it was about?” “How the hell should I know” I said struggling to break free but the stupid machine wouldn't let go “She was telling me how a Little came to her and wanted a new diaper because hers wasn't put on properly...” “That could have been anyone” she smiled an evil looking smile “She wanted me to make sure that the diapers are put on properly and how many have I changed today… oh yes just you” she clicked her fingers like it had just come to her “Didn't your Little friends tell you what happens?” I quickly think back and no they didn't really tell me “No? Well your about to find out first hand, begin examination” the stupid arm lifted me off the plastic mat momenterially and said “Weight seventy kg (one hundred and fifty pounds)” and Placed me back down “Bit on the heavy side aren't you?” smirked Jenny “Fuck you” “Touchy touchy” “Height one hundred and sixty five cm (5 foot five inches)” came the voice once more then I felt the mechanical hand holding my left arm begin to snake around my wrist “What's it doing?” I asked now concerned “Be quiet” I waited a few seconds looking at the thing till it's said “One hundred and eleven beats per minute the patient might be panicking would you like me to calm them down before continuing?” “No” answered Jenny without hesitation, the hand went back to holding down my arm “LET ME THE FUCK OUT!” I screamed, so far nothing bad had happened but I got the feeling that it was going to get worse “Hush, no one can hear you” Jenny tapped on the wall and said “We have perfect sound insulation for screamers like you but by all means scream your heart out” I continued to shake every movable part of me only to have more hands sprout from somewhere to hold them too, one very small cable snaked from the ceiling, this one without a glove, when it got to my face I tried biting it only for it to move back like it knew what I was going to do “STOP THIS NOW!” I screamed and saw Jenny just shaking her head with an evil smirk then a light flicked on from the tiny cable nearly blinding me “WHAT THE HELL” I shouted as I forced my eyes closed “Eyesight normal” said the calm mechanical voice “I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT!” I screamed in annoyance and the cable retracted back into the ceiling, without warning two hands appeared out of nowhere and gently started to pull open my mouth, again I tried to bite but couldn't close my mouth in the slightest “Thirty two teeth present, none missing” came the calm voice and the hands let go “What a shame your mommy didn't rip those things out, you might be less annoying then” I bared my teeth at her as the voice stated it's next bit of information “Littles age is ten months...” “ELEVEN” I shot back knowing that Rose had told me the Little age I was considered “Clothing not appropriate for age would you like this fixed after the exam?” Before Jenny could say anything I spoke up first “No” she stared at me, rolled her eyes and shook her head “Littles… yes fix clothing” “Confirmed” answered the voice and I shook more in frustration then felt one of the mechanical arms work it's way under my overalls front and down to my crotch giving the diaper a squeeze, I tried to squeeze my legs together but of course was stopped from doing so “Diaper is dry but wrong type for age would you like this fixed?” again I tried to jump in with no success “Yes correct the diaper” “Time to remove the clothing” said the voice “Fuck no your not removing my clothes” I said but it was no use the machine moved my body even with me fighting it every inch, in no time I was left in nothing but my diaper and soon that too was removed “Well at least you don't need shaving down there” commented Jenny “SCREW YOU!” I shouted back at her and was flipped onto my stomach, I was just thinking that the machine or Jenny was about to spank me if only it had been that “Please relax” said the calm voice and without warning “What is it...?” I felt something cold and almost greased slide past my lower cheeks and into the outbound only hole, I froze for a moment in complete and utter disbelief then started to scream my head off like someone was trying to kill me “GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT!” I repeated this along with some choice profanitys directed at Jenny for what felt like an eternity but in reality was probably only a couple of minutes “Thirty nine degrees (one hundred farenheight)” said the voice and I finally felt the small thing being retracted, by this point I was in tears and pictureing ways to murder Jenny “Oh look at the little cry baby” mocked Jenny “I’m going to kill you” I managed threw my sobs, she merely rolled her eyes and said “I think you need some punishment time for that” and with a few taps to the thing on her wrist and the words “Enjoy” she walked off and out of the room, the machine wasted no time in putting the thickest diaper I had ever seen onto my waist and placing a yellow dress over my head then me onto the padded floor inside the caged play room that I was somewhat used to thanks to Rose. I don't know how long I laid there thinking about what had been done to me each time the memory hit was another wave of fresh tears, it was seeing the door open through my blurred vision that finally broke me out of my cycle “This isn't fair” came the unmistakable voice of Kaylee “And you think I care about fair” replied the voice of Jenny, I wiped my eyes and managed to see Jenny putting Kaylee onto the same change table I had been on, the mechanical arms went to work and Jenny left the room once more, unlike with me the arms weren't giving Kaylee an exam like they did me but rather just changing her diaper and then placing her with me, I blinked not believing the super thick diaper I saw her in “Yea” said Kaylee “I like diapers but this is too much even for me” she huffed, the words seemed to take forever to register in my brain before it clicked “You like diapers?” I asked trying to take my mind off what happened “Of course I do they allow me to keep playing” she said like it was obvious, she then turned serious “So did she…” Kaylee trailed off but I knew what she was asking and I nodded which almost brought back the tears “Oh Emy I’m so sorry” she managed to shuffle over and embraced me in a hug, this did bring back the tears and I let out my sobs right there on her shoulder. Finally I managed to get myself under control once more and let go of her “Sorry” I mumbled, she gave me a smile and a reassuring pat on my hand “It's ok I understand” we sat there looking at each other for a few more seconds then Kaylee broke the silence with a joke “I just wish I had have had a diaper on my shoulder” I could see where my tears had fallen, chuckled a little then mumbled another “Sorry” “No need to be sorry” she said waving it off “Why are you here?” I managed to ask “She put me in here because I refused to willingly say that you and I were fighting” “Willingly?” I questioned “Yea” sighed Kaylee “She will just say that we were now that we are both here” “Isn't there anything we can do?” I asked now over the tears and wanting the revenge “Surely if I told Rose then Jenny would be fired or something” Kaylee sighed again “Even the most trusting Amazon doesn't seem to believe us Littles when we tell them what happens and they see the records that the center gives them it's better to just stay clear of her” the injustice of it didn't sit right with me but just the memory of what Jenny had done to me made me have second thoughts about doing anything only time would tell what to do. “Did you want to play?” asked Kaylee after some time “Play with what?” I asked looking around seeing that while the room was brightly coulored there wasn't anything to actually play with in the room “This is a robotic nursery almost everything is hidden till it's needed” said Kaylee “That explains the hands” there was no sign whatsoever that mechanical arms had been near the change table “Yea just ask for it and the nursery can provide” Kaylee waited a second then asked the thin air “Can I paint please?” within a moment a corner of the wall opened up and placed an easel there filled with five coloured paint pots and a brush then the truly scary thing happened, the mechanical arms also came out of the wall and flew over to Kaylee and removed her clothing, I tried to rush back to the corner of the room but quickly fell because of the way oversized diaper changed my gate, I landed on the soft padded floor and was helped up by the arms, realising it was them helping me I flinched and repeated the whole experience once more, the second time I tried not to move as I saw the hands return to Kaylee to slip a smock apron over her head “Wait was that…” I thought i saw something laying on Kaylees chest just before being covered “Hehe you don't need to be afraid of them, they can be quite helpful see” chuckled Kaylee and gave me a twirl to show off the smock that covered her front down to her knees but was simply tied together at the back leaving her back and worse her diaper on full display for all to see “Aren't you cold like that?” I asked now feeling a bit self-conscious of how bare my own legs and diaper were, the dress thing didn't cover much “Nope, the room is set to a temperature so we could go all natural if we wanted and still be comfortable” I shuddered at the thought, that was not happening for me I liked my coverings thank you, I then remembered what I saw as Kaylee was getting dressed “What was that around your neck?” I asked, Kaylee looked puzzled for a second then brightened “Oh that” she put her hand down the smock and pulled out a small chain holding a metal cross “So you still have faith?” I asked remembering that she had told me that she believed in something back at her place, she gave me a shrug “I’m a bit more lapsed these days but I still wear this” “I’m surprised that Gwen lets you keep it” I chuckled and kaylee quickly joined me “Yea, she's awesome” it was great to laugh again even if it came in the form of a chuckle it was the sign that things would get better.

Maybe . . . I cant wait to see what happens next!

I think he night have been underestimateing how rough things could get when he agreed to this lifestyle change.

Rachel blinked, "I uhm don't know what to say, Greg I really do love you, but!" Greg began to look crestfallen, this was a kiss off if he ever heard one! "Of course I will marry you!" Greg was still in a state of shock, it took a few seconds to register that she had said yes. "You will, really?" Trying to make sure he heard right. "Yes, she said kind of laughing! There is something else you need to know. She said, I'm late!" "Late for what?" Greg asked as he looked at his watch. "Not time late, date late! We're in the family way!" "How the hell did that happen," Greg asked without thinking? "Well every month the female ovulates and an egg travels down the fallopian tube where it is dropped into her awaiting uterus that prepares a lining every month. If the egg is not fertilized. The woman looses that lining and egg during what is called..." "Alright I know how it happens, but... I thought we were being careful, we didn't have sex when you ovulated." "Must of been some sperm still in my system that did its job, all I know is that I haven't had my period yet. It's a week late. No Aunt Flo visit this month! To tell the truth I'm kind of happy, other than we aren't married yet! That's a simple fix!" "I don't know I thought we had months, weeks, not days until we got married! Thinking about it now the shock has wore off, I'm glad, hell I'm damned glad!"

The next weekend I had to work. There was a girl I worked with, I had tried to get into her panties for quite a while. She came to me on Saturday. Blair asked me why I hadn't been chasing her of late. I told her I had met a woman and was now in a relationship! "I kind of miss you chasing me!" "Well I figured I had no chance in catching you and about almost a month ago I met Rachel." "I thought you liked getting rejected by me, saw it more as a game, I thought you saw me as a conquest, I didn't know you was looking for a relationship! I would of taken you more serious!" "Well I was hoping to get laid, but I wanted a relationship as well." "Now you're getting all that from Rachel, did you say?" "Yeah Rachel, if things progress any better we might get married." "Sorry for not letting you catch me. But I hope the best for you two! Rachel is one of my favorite names if I ever have a daughter I'm naming her Rachel! I had no idea that she thought all I wanted her for was sex, I guess in the long run that was it. She wouldn't of wanted to be married to me, I still wet my bed! Rachel understands me better than Blair ever would because she wets her bed still as well. The next week I took Rachel to meet my family. They fell in love with her as Well! My mother took me aside and asked if Dr. Lewis was able to help me as Well? "No, why?" "Does Rachel knows you wet your bed still? That is something you dont want your bride finding out on your honeymoon!" "Mom Rachel knows already, we have slept together already!" "She doesn't think it's strange that you still wet your bed?" "It's not like that mom, I met her at the Urologist's Office. Dr. Lewis told her that she couldn't help her stop wetting her bed, anymore than she could help me!" "So like you she still wets her bed?" "Yeah mom, she does. We still love each other!" "Well you know both your father and I grew up next door to each other and we both wet our beds until we were into our late teens!" "I know mom!" "That's how come your brother Gary and you grew up wetting your beds, just blame us!" "I think we were meant to be together mom, like me she still wets her bed, she has a sister Randi, that Dr. Lewis helped like she did Gary. Growing up I had a Carla, she had a Chet. Both stopped at about 14 years old and then forgot us both! Mom I love her, I want to ask her to marry me! "Good for you two, are you sure she will say yes?" "That's what's kept me from asking." "From what I've seen, i think she is wondering why you haven't asked yet!"

Wetting myself, the wetter I get the more excited I feel, rubbing and teasing myself with my vibrator, I also like to watch others wet their diapers.☺️

Prelude: So many of you may know that I haven’t been very active on here lately. To be honest I kind of lost the writing spark a while ago and with all the other stuff I’ve been dealing with I’m not sure if it’s ever coming back. I wanted. I’m not sure why even wrote this. I think part of me just wanted to see if I could even still get a couple paragraphs out. Another part just needed to put some feelings down on e-paper. This one’s pretty damn bleak in tone although nothing too triggering. I will caution there is a brief self-harm reference towards the end. Honestly this is what I had in me, in away it actually feels less painful then to imagine a bright, happy, but ultimately unattainable future. Since this is getting almost as long as the actual vignette I’ll just close with this. Thank you so much to anyone who has ever read and liked my work. Sorry I could never deliver on the full potential. We pan across a blackened and charred landscape sliding lower and lower beneath the scorched earth. In halls of concrete painted with some faded color lost to time a woman in her mid-thirties walks. Her foot steps are heavy with fatigue and responsibility. She winces as a detonation of some large piece of ordnance resounds over her head. A few chips of concrete fall from the ceiling and the lights flicker. Stepping into a large room she surveys her charges sleeping fitfully despite the bombardment. Still she is extra careful not to wake them. She looks over Lukara their species once the owners of this planet before her people showed up. Like many across the ‘verse Lukara had been subject to drugs and conditioning their mind and spirit broken leaving them a helpless infant. Ready to order. All she could do was pick up the pieces…. She thinks to herself as she pulls the blanket back over the shivering Lukara. \ Tamara, a human nearing 70 who was abandoned by her owner when the anti-aging treatments got to be too expensive. Fifty years of being someone’s living doll only to be tossed aside when something more interesting came along. Then there was Lorrie. She didn’t necessarily want to play favorites but something about this girl pulled at her. She was actually willingly adopted from another dimension, only to be kidnapped in a home invasion that ended with the death of the couple who adopted her. Now she was here. Sobbing quietly in the oversized crib. These are her charges. The lost and the broken. The forgotten and the abandoned. Nothing could absolve her or her people’s collective sins. All she could do was trying to ease a little suffering….. She carries Lorrie into the bunker rec room and makes a warm bottle. A shell detonates overhead, the rumbling vibrations felt in the soles of her feet. Lorie starts balling and filling her diaper. Before she places the bottle to Lorrie’s lips. Flopping onto an old faded couch humming softly to herself and stroking Lorrie’s hair. A single tear slides down her face as she holds the unconscious woman. This is all she can do: be there with them. She looks down at the scars on her arms. In a way they saved her as much as she saved them. They’re the reason she get’s up in the morning. The reason she still stands against the darkness, telling it to get stuffed one day at a time. One person. A Caretaker of the forgotten. Still standing in the black….. And we fade out on two exhausted smiling faces, one sleeping, one almost. Staring at each other. As we pan out over smoke obscured night time sky. The stars maintaining vigil

* * * * * It worked. I was cured. Finally, everything was falling where it should. I went out drinking that night with Trish. We talked about penguins and parallel universes. I woke up Saturday morning with a splitting hangover and an essay to write for Contemporary Literature. Arlo and Millie showed up around eight, when I could stand the sound of dice clacking against the coffee table. We played two games of Catan and a dirty version of Pictionary. I didn’t win even once. Monday, after school, I asked Dakota out to dinner. We had the same shift at work and a regular customer made his third visit that day. I said something about how coffee can’t replace a good meal and Dakota asked if I had dinner plans. Trash pick-up was Tuesday morning. I slept through it. It worked. I was cured. Until that afternoon. I woke up at 12:15. I checked my phone for notifications. None. No school Tuesdays. No work Tuesdays. No plans Tuesdays. No reason to get out of bed, except to use the bathroom. If only… I shook my head. Not right now. But it was too late. One stupid half-thought and my eyes lingered on the closet door. I knew nothing was in there. I knew, even if there was, it wasn’t good for me. I was fine now. I was normal. I got out of bed to use the bathroom, hoping it would alleviate the thoughts. But it didn’t. I sat on the sofa with my blanket on my lap and my memory filtered back to Friday. The fog. How I felt. The TV was missing colors. The echo off the back wall was all wrong. I needed to preoccupy myself. I had to think about something else. A new TV show. Or I could watch the news. Maybe there was an event at school I could attend. I opened my laptop to check, but the muscle memory in my fingers typed out half the web address for my story forum before I thought any better of it. I hesitated, fingers arced over the keyboard, aching to continue. Slowly, I closed my laptop. Then I called Dakota to ask if we could change shifts. * * * * * I thought work would help, but it didn’t. I wanted to go home. I wanted to change into a soft, comfortable diaper. I wanted to be safe from all this employment crap. Every customer with a baby on their hip, every little kid in cute clothes, with their little socks and their fluffy hair, and… That night, I stared up at my bedroom ceiling. The aching was so constant, I hardly noticed anymore. Was I a pedophile? No, I wasn’t aroused. I was jealous. But diapers were sexy. And regression was sexy. But kids weren’t sexy at all. What fucking sense did that make?! I threw my pillow as hard as I could at my closet door, but the dull thud wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to break something! So I threw my alarm clock. I heard the plastic splinter when it hit. The echo radiated through the bedroom and I settled back into my sheets. I didn’t feel any better. * * * * * I thought school would help, but it didn’t. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cuddle up in a snug onesie and warm blanket. I wanted to escape academia and elitism. Every professor talking about their kids, every second of Developmental Psychology, every pigtail and children’s backpack and pencil with a cartoon character and… That night, I sat in the shower with my head on my knees. The water turned cold after ten minutes. Water dripped down my cheeks. Why did I feel like this? Why was one awful element of my life so powerful? Was this my parents’ fault? Was this because of some traumatic childhood event? Was there medicine for this? Could I turn it off? My mind kept moving, gears turning… If I was anyone else, I could escape it. If I could close my eyes and wake up as somebody else, then I would never think about it again. I dried off with the biggest, fluffiest towel I had. An ounce of baby in a world of big. It would help. But it didn’t. I knew what I could have had, what I threw away… I took a sleeping pill. * * * * * Thursday morning, I watched the clock tick by on my phone. Since Dakota and I switched shifts, I had nothing going on. I had nothing to do but think. I wasn’t happy; it was plain and simple. I missed the Little feelings and the fog and the excitement and the warmth and the safety. I missed my diapers and my onesies and my girly socks. I missed chewing my pacifier instead of sucking on it. I missed all of it… And what did it matter if I wore diapers? I wasn’t hurting anyone! No one even knew about it! Why would I throw all my stuff away over the stupid idealized notion of “being normal”? Trish and I talked all night last week about alternate universes. She wanted to live in a world where everyone was an animal, but she couldn’t decide between whether or not to be a fox or a penguin. She was absolutely not normal. When we played dirty Pictionary, I had to watch Millie draw the most uncomfortable looking sex toys I’d ever seen. And Millie was an excruciatingly vivid artist, too! Arlo’s face was bright red for almost an hour, and I couldn’t stop laughing. They were definitely not normal. And Dakota didn’t like cheese. It wasn’t an allergy or anything, it was just a preference. No pizza. No nachos. No lasagne. It took half of Monday’s shift to decide where to go on our date. Dakota might have been the least normal of any of us. So what? I loved my friends. I loved their weird stuff. It made them cool and unique and interesting. So maybe… maybe my stuff made me interesting too. I didn’t need an excuse to spend three dollars. I didn’t need to understand why wetting myself felt nice. I didn’t need to explain why diapers were sexy. I didn’t need a reason to be the way I am. I didn’t need to rationalize everything or have all the answers. But I needed to be happy. All my baby stuff might make it harder for someone to love me, but hiding away would make it impossible. They could only love the lie I created. And if that lie ever faded away, the love would fade away with it. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with regret. All those outfits… my favorite pacifier… some of that stuff you couldn’t even buy anymore. It felt like a step backward. It felt like I had lost so much. I pulled the covers over my head and curled up into a ball. How long until the cycle of binging and purging continued? Was it worth starting over, just to throw everything in a dumpster? Would I ever stop mourning for the things I threw away? Would I ever move past this regret? But what other options were there? I’m either a slave to my fetish or a slave to its cycle. My journey to happiness was so long and so complicated. The most I could hope for was not to get turned around by all the spinning. Above all else, I had to keep moving forward. In therapy, Anna asked the same things she always did. Instead, I told her: “I like diapers.” [END]

Jefferson City here