Three months later.....
I had followed the forum advice to the letter. I'd been wetting my bed for the past three months steadily increasing from once a week to twice then three and now for the past two weeks just about every other day.
In the begining of my on and off again bed wetting my mother didn't seem overly concerned about it. She said things like, its not a big deal and these things happens to lots of kids my age and that it was nothing to worry about. It didn't seem to faze her really. I sleep on a water bed so there is very little mess to clean up afterwards, just the bedding and a wipe down with a clorox wet wipe. Night time protection aka diapers or pull-ups had not been discussed. Im sure she probubly thinks im too old for them or that i would fight it if she were to brought it up.
While my mother didn't seem to mind cleaning up after my night time accidents i could tell that she was getting a little bit annoyed at the amount of laundry I was generating lately. It was becoming increasingly obvious to her by now that this was getting worse not better. Earlier in the week she told me that she had made an appointment for me to see the pediatrician just to make sure that there wasn't an infection or anything like that going on. My room had began to take on the musty stale urine smell of a cronic bedwetter. By this time I was starting to get discouraged and inpatient.
I knew it was time to imliment phase two. Wetting the bed hadn't been hard to pull off and my mother never questioned wether those were real accidents or not. She just took it at face value and had aparently shrugged it off as a phase or a normal part of childhood. According to the time line i should be wetting my pants durring the day time once or twice a week by now. After school i road my bike up and down my deadend street and played with the neighborhood kids if there were any outside to play with. My mother was very much the type of parent that kicked me out of the house on a sunny day and said do not come home unless i was hungery or it gets dark. So i spent a lot of time outside some of the time playing by myself. This was one of those days. I figured this would be the perfect time to have my first daytime accident. While walking through the woods in my backyard. I felt the need to pee and for the first time in years i didn't even try to hold it back. The warmth ran down my inner thighs. I couldn't help but watch as the wet spot grew on the front of my pants. By the time i was done my pants were totally soaked. After a few more minutes of playing in the dirt I slowly started making my way back towards home my sneakers squishing with all of the pee trapped inside of them.
I didn't have to go far to find my mother she was in the kichen doing dishes. The kitchen looks out over the back yard so i knew she would probubly see me coming my tan dickey's pants stained dark in the middle. But she didn't. She didn't even turn around from the dishes when I entered the room.
"Ah hhehm," i cleared my throut to make my presense known to her. "Back so soon." She said hardly looking at me. "Ya, i... Had an accident." At this she turned off the water and looked at me. "Oh geez, How did that happen Matt?" She said mostly to herself. "I don't know, it was an accident, im sorry." My eyes filled with tears of shame. "It's okay accidents happen sometimes... Throw your clothes in the wash and go get changed." I nodded and headed off to strip out of my cold wet clothes. That wasn't to bad now was it. Like anything else in life the first time is always kinda scary but now that I've wet my pants once i feel good about doing it again. Remember, for this to work from here on out all i've got to do is wet myself. A lot. I can do that, i told myself.
I waited two days and then wet my pants again while i was outside on the back porch playing. My mother was gone at the time but i left my soaked pants and underwear right on top of the washing machine where my mom was sure to find them. By this point i was wetting my bed just about every night. At first peeing while laying down had been a challenge but now i found that i had no difficulty peeing while laying on my back, side or stomach. I found that i'd wake up in the middle of the night with the urge to go. Pee. And then drift back to sleep although if i didn't fall right back to sleep the sheets started to get cold and that was an icky feeling. On those nights i didn't sleep very well. I was quickly approaching month four and right on schedual.
While waiting at the doctors office there were two other little kids in the waiting room playing with one of those big bead and wire doctors office toys on the floor in the middle of the room. Both of their butts bulged from the diapers they were wearing under their pants. I could see the pampers waistband extending up their backs as they crouched around the giant toy. Nobody expected them to keep their pants dry. Why should i be seen as any different from them just because i'm a few years older. Seeing them blissfully playing only served to harden my reslove. I knew while we were driving here that i had to pee but held it because i didnt want to mess up my moms seat if i didn't have to. That would just be mean. While staring off into space and with my mom seated next to me in the waiting room i let go. I felt the trickle fall down between my legs and my butt instantly got warm as the pee began pooling under me. Soon
I felt the pee drip down from between my thighs and without looking i knew that it was starting to seep into the carpet between my legs. Nobody noticed and world continued to turn. Until my name was called i got up and started walking towards the nurse who had called my name. "Uh oh, Matt it looks like you've had an other accident." My mother said when she saw my soaked bottom. I stould there silently defeated as my mother went to the bathroom to get some toilet paper out of the bathroom. "I'm sorry i couldn't feel it." I told her as my mom attempted to wipe up the mess with paper towels. "Don't worry about it honey thats why we are here. The doctor is gonna find out whats going on and is going to fix it for you." She said trying to comfort me. Sure mom. Keep telling yourself that. The lady that had called my name waited patiently as my mother cleaned up the puddle as best as she could. Then i made the walk of shame back to the doctors office. Wet bottom on display for anybody that glanced in my direction. "Obviously i don't have an extra pair of pants for you to change into so you are going to have to deal." My mom said as we took our seats in the little room assigned to me. "I know." I said with a sigh.
The doctor was very kind about my wetting issues. I explained that i couldn't feel it when i needed to go pee and i was having a hard time keeping my bed or pants dry.
She ran some tests, felt my tummy. She said that i didn't appear to have an infection so that was the good news. She sent me home with a chart that i was supposed to use that monitored my fluid intake and urine out put. Sounds like homework. Lame. She said that temporary incontinence is very common in kids going through puberty and to check back in two weeks with the results and that we would take it from there. My mom apologized for the state of the bench i was sitting on. The doctor simply laughed it off. "That bench has seen much worse."
In keeping honest with my plan to have a pair of wet pants every other day today at school inbetween classes i locked myself in the bathroom stall across from the office and nurses station and peed in my pants. I waited for the bell to ring and for the halls to clear out then walked the short distance across the hall to the office. The receptionist seeing the state of my pants shoo'd me into the nurses station. Where i was told to have a seat. Janet, the nurse was a very nice plump older lady who smiled at me when I walked through her door. Apparently the school keeps a couple pairs of shorts on hand incase a kid has an accident in their pants they can have something to change into. I was given a plastic bag to put my wet clothes in along with a note explaining the change of pants policy to my mom. Which was to wash the shorts and return them in the next day or two. When i got home later that day i unloaded my wet pants into the washing machine.
My mom read the note silently before she spoke. "Okay, it looks like you've had another accident. You should probubly take a shower." While i was doing just that my mom looked at the full load of laundry just from the days wettings. "I can't keep doing this, this is getting to be to much. These doctors had better find out whats wrong or else i don't know what i am going to do."
Unbenounced to me while i was upsairs taking a shower my mother googled, "My teenager is wetting their bed and pants what am I supposed to do to help them." She found a lot of arricles and bedwetting support groups. Most of them pointed in the direction of taking the child to the doctors office. Let them figure it out. But what if they can't figure it out she thought. There was an interesting article about diapering older kids. The basic argument was built around this senerio; if your kid fell down and scraped their knees you would clean them up and put a bandaid over their bloody cut to keep the blood from getting all over their clothes. This is not only best for the child and the clothes but wearing a bandaid is the most sanitary way to deal with the problem of a skinned knee. Diapers for older kids serve the same basic function as the bandaid in this case. The article also pointed out that children who are constantly in wet pants are also at a much higher risk of getting fungal infections and rashes. Goodness, that makes a lot of sense. She then decided that over the next couple of days she would continue to look into possible forms of padded protection for her son.
the next day after the shorts had been washed i returned the shorts to the office before the first bell wrang. By lunch time i was back at the office with soaked pants. Walking through the halls on my way to gym class i wet in the replacement shorts. Janet was less than pleased to see me for the second time in the same day and insisted that my mother come pick me up.
When my mother did pick me up my pants had grown cold and itchy. Janet had a polite conversation and handed my mom a stack of coupons for what looked like goodnites underwear and said that it might be a good idea if i wore some form of protection for school so it didn't interfere with my education. I played along as if i was super embaressed by the conversation taking place. But in my head i thought finally a step in the right direction lets see how this plays out. My mother thanked her for the coupons and for the advice.
The air was thick on the car ride home and not only because my clothes were starting to smell. " How would you feel about wearing one of these pull-ups for a while, until this passes." My mom asked me finally. "It's gotta beat wet pants at school right?" "I shrugged my sholders "ya i guess so." "Are you sure you would be okay with this, it'll only be temporary until we get this problem figured out." It's okay mom, i understand, I don't mind wearing a diaper." I don't think my mother was prepared for me to call them diapers by her facial expression. "Well, honey these are not diapers these are more like a... Well... Padded underwear, i still want you to try to make it to the potty on time but this way if you don't you have a little bit of a backup plan." "Whatever its called it is better than wet pants all day long." I reasoned. " I agree" She said will a look of relief on her face. My mother was probubly expecting that i would fight it. A few minutes later we turned into a Walgreens parking lot. "You can wait in the car and i'll be back in just a minute." She said making sure to grab the coupons before she closed the door.
Ten minutes later my mom came back to the car with two cases of goodnites for boys size LX in her shopping cart. "just so we are 100% clear this is not a diaper, i expect you to use the bathroom whenever you can." "You got it dude." I replied sarcasticly. I knew that going forward i would be using them as a diaper and peeing in them a lot. If you truly want to wear diapers pretend like you are already wearing them.
By this time no matter how well i washed up in the shower i noticed that the smell of stale urine always seemed to surround me. The goodnites did nothing to mask this unpleasant smell unfourtunatly. Some of the kids in class i think had started to notice it. I would sometimes hear whispers behind my back and i could swear that i saw one girl pointing at me and giggling with her friends, it could have been nothing but when you are a teenager walking around in wet pull-ups and pants all of the time some observant people will notice, although maybe im just being paranoid about that.
Mrs. Murphy my engish teacher pulled me aside afterclass one day to ask if i was having any problems in the bathroom. I wasn't sure What she meant by the question at first, i can only assume it was because i smelled and either she noticed it or an another student did. I told her the truth that yes i have trouble making it to the bathroom on time and i was wearing pull-ups to deal with the problem. She then asked if my parents knew about it, i told her yes that my mother was well aware of the situation. I began to notice that the casual friends that i had started keeping their distance from me, or making excuses that they had to do something or be somewhere as soon as i showed up. I can take the hint guys. Who needs friends anyways. Everyone seemed to drift away except my best friend Will that is. He still talked to me and we still played Magic the gathering after school every once in a while. If he knew something was up or different he did't say anything about it. Will wasn't exactly Mr. Popularity either so i suppose that helped.
So another two weeks later im back at the doctors office with my half filled out chart(its kinda hard to messure how much pee is in a pull-up. i probubly pee in the toilet one time a day now, usually only when im sitting down already going poop. Otherwise the i just let loose in my pants, if they leaked my pants got wet. I go through the one goodnite at bedtime and because i sleep on my side it leaks through horibbly so i don't really see the point in it there. I now wet the bed every night with out fail and i go through at least five pull-ups durring the daytime sometimes six or seven per day. I can tell that my mother isn't happy about it seeing as i've already blown through those first two cases of goodnites plus another case and a half in two weeks. God only knows how much those cost her.
Well anyways the doctor is not pleased with my lack of progress and is less than thrilled when he saw the wet goodnite around my waist. I spent my whole saturday getting every test done in the book. Blood tests, X-rays, ultra sounds. And at the end of the day guess what they found. Yup, you guessed it they found nothing of course. Having done his part the doctor gave my mom a card to a child therapist. Saying that sometimes it can be difficult to diagnose incontinence and that sometimes the causes could be stress related or sychological in nature.
Another week goes by and i've developed a nasty rash along my inner thighs from constantly being in soaked pull-ups all the time. Everywhere i walked i walked bow legged, it looked like i just got off a hourse.
My mom had set up a meeting with the therapist. Her name was Anne. In child therapty it's a common practice for the first session that the therapist talks to the child first and then the parent afterwords to get a quick assessment of the situation. She asked me about how i felt about school my family and friends. She asked if id been sleeping well i had to answer her honestly no. Not at all i wet the bed all the time and i never can get a good nights sleep anymore. She also asked me how i felt about my incontinence problems. "Not very good, i feel very low in me self and i feel that at any second something terrible is gonna happen to me." I told her about my rash and how much it freaking hurt although i dont think she asked about that one. I think i just volunteered that info. She asked about how my wetting problem had effected my relationship with my mom. I had to answer her honestly. Poorly. I felt like every time i wet myself my mom would be disapointed in me and that in the back of her mind she was probubly mad at me. Like i am doing this on purpose or something. Anne skribbled notes on a legal pad as i talked.
The clock zoomed by and our hour was up and it was my moms turn on the comfy couch.
"Let me just start by saying Matt is a smart young man and you should be very proud of him." "Well thank you for that compliment but that is not the reason we are here today." My mother said rather sharply. Anne paused a moment before she continued. "Yes, i understand that you are concerned about his wetting issues. It is in my opionion that Matt is suffering from depression likely caused in part by his incontinence problems and being alienated from his peers. I would recommend that he start seeing me regularly and that his comfort level should be our imeadiate priority. Followed by some extra emotional support." "What does that mean exactly doctor." "Well, Matt complained about poor sleeping due to bedwetting and wet cold sheets. Also he has developed quite the rash from wearing wet pull-ups all the time. I don't mean to impose here but have you consitered a more absorbant product meant for heavier levels of incontinence." My mother leaned back into the couch and thought carefully about how to word her response. "Yes, yes i have. i think about how much easier it would be if he was simply wearing a supper absorbant diaper instead of the underwear like pull-ups every darn day of my life but i feel like that would be seen as giving up on him or signaling to him that he is failing and i'm not sure if im ready to do that yet. I don't want to hurt him or his pride. Does that make sense?" Anne nodded sypatheticly. " It makes perfect sense and I understand why you would feel that way, but it maybe whats best for Matt, emotionally speaking, I understand that wearing diapers certainly carries a stigma. However leaks and wet pants are much more traumatic and can perpetuate his depression even further. Diapers may also have the added effect of boosting his self confidence and self esteme in the long run if he doesn't need to worry about leaks as much. Ultimatly though this is a decision that rests within the family and the doctor who Matt is seeing." Well, they sent me to you, so you think i should put him in diapers again." My mom asked as she looked out of the second story window. "I think that Matt needs help sorting out his feeling and i think that instead of expecting to find a quick fix for Matts potty problems we should adapt to it and except it as a reality for the time being and except the fact that it might be a problem that's here to stay for a while. So with that in mind yes, I would recommend that Matt should probably be wearing something closer to a diaper than normal underwear for the time being." Anne said gingerly. My mother nodded taking in what Anne was saying. In the back of her mind she knew that Anne was right. Diapers are for the best and she'd known it for sometime but it helped to hear it confirmed by someone else.
They made small talk for a couple more minutes until anne said she had another appointment soon and directed my mother to make a follow up appointment at the front desk.
When we got into the car my mother put the keys into the ignition but didn't turn the engine over. Instead we just sat there in awkward silence. "Matt, i need to ask you a serious question and i need you to answer me honestly," I nodden my understanding. "Are you really unable to tell when you need to use the bathroom?" I looked down at my feet as I quietly replied "no, not really." The awkward silence continued although my mother was working things out in her head trying to rationalize her next move.
Not only does he need to wear diapers he needs to know that I except him and love him. I think that means going back to changing diapers even if he is thirteen. He truly needs my help right now and when was the last time that i felt needed by anybody. While she didn't want to admit it the feeling of being needed felt good and filled a place in her heart that had felt empty for a long time. Having calmed herself down enough to drive she knew what she had to do. She knew that she must follow her maturnal instincts. "Its okay baby. Mommy is here and i will take care of you."
I noticed that when we turned out of the therapists office my mom took a turn onto a different road then the one we came in on. "Where are we going?" i asked." "We are going to buy you something thicker than those pull-ups you are wearing. Those are not going to work for you anymore. There is a good medical supply store up the way here that sells diapers by the case and that is were we are going, are you going to okay with that Matt?"
Holy shit she used the actual "D" word. I was not expecting that word to come out of her mouth. I know that thats what they are called and thats exactly what i wanted her to say, i guess i just wasn't prepared for it when the time finally came.
It took Five months two weeks and a day of dedication to finally be asked this question. After what seemed like hundreds of pairs of wet pants and pull ups my mother had come to the understanding and clearly expected me to wet myself all of the time uncontrollably, otherwize why would she offer them as an option. Unless this is a trick. I decided to take it slow and watch my words.
As meek and timidly as i could muster i responded, "It's okay. I don't want to wear diapers again but i get why i probubly should wear them." My mom smiled. "Thank you for being such a trooper about all this. I'm proud of you for understanding. I know how this must make you feel but for now i think it is whats for the best. Lets go in and see what our options are shall we?" She said as she pulled into the empty parking lot.
A nice older lady was at the counter. "Can i help you find anything." She asked." "Yes actually you can, where are your adult diapers located?" "Those are gonna be along the back wall there behind the wheel chairs." The lady said with a warm smile. "Thank you kindly" my mother replied in kind. The wall of diapers was impressive to say the least. They had every brand i'd ever heard of. My mother settled on a pack of Tranquility all through the nights. "Excuse me." She hollered at a near by store clerk. "Do you sell these by the case?" "We certainly do." The young attractive female stock clerk said who couldn't have been more than a couple of years older then myself. "Great, can we get two cases in a size medium?" She asked. "Sure thing, i'll run and get em from the back." The girl gave my mother a slip of paper to pay for the diapers while the girl got them from the back. She even helped us load my diapers into the trunk. While we paid my mother filled out a delivery schedual form. The store will automaticly ship out one case of diapers per month to our house. That way you save 10% per case plus you get free shipping. With two hundred diapers in the trunk and a hundred set to come every month for the forseeable future it sure looked like my mother wasn't expecting me to suddenly stop wetting myself any time soon. On the car ride home we listened to the classic rock radio station. It had been a long emotionally taxing day and neither of us felt much like talking.
Once we got home i helped carry the diapers inside and set them on my bed in my room. "Lay down on the floor please." My mother instructed from behind me. I did as asked. My mother started going to work on the button and zipper of my jeans and pulled them down to my ankles she them tore away the sides of the soaked goodnight and slipped it out from underneath me. She then took a wipe and started wiping away all of the stale urine and icky smell. "When you are at home i will be the one to change your diapers. I want make sure it's on tight and we don't get any nasty rashes like this one." She said as she smeared desitin between my thighs that were chapped fire engine red. She then pulled out one of my new diapers and unfolded it. I lifted my bottom as she slid it under me she then taped each side and started pulling my pants back up she zipped them up and redid the button. "I wont always be there to keep tabs on how your diaper is holding up or be able to change you when you are at school so that is why you will need to carry an extra diaper and some wipes in your bagback these diapers say they can last up to eight hours so you will probubly be able to make it through the school day without needing to be changed but you should have an extra one just in case." "I can do that mom." "You should also know that I'm not going to go out of my way to embarrass you or call attention to your diapers but I'm not going to act like a 007 agent either, if I feel that I need to check your diapers I'm going to do that. If you need to be changed while we are out of the house I'm going to do that too. Any questions? No, good. Go run along now and play." I didn't wait long as i ran out the door out into the backyard. The diaper felt supper thick as i walked around and my crotch area seemed to pooch out a bit from the bulk. This was nothing like those crappy goodnites. The first time i wet my diaper warmed up for a minute then another minute later it felt completely dry again. When i wore the goodnites it always felt like i was walking around with a puddle between my legs. This was truly a new experience. Nathan one of the neighbor kids was out riding his bike around the nieghborhood. I grabbed my bike and we tore up the neighborhood. Nathan couldn't tell i had a wet diaper on underneath my jeans so why would anyone else? By the time it came to dinner i let more pee dribble into the diaper although it didn't feel any different because of it. A guy could really get used to this. No longer am i gonna hold back because im afraid i'll leak because i wont, These diapers have got me covered. Literally. As soon as the need hits the padding around my crotch will be drinking it in. Im wearing a real diaper now. People will expect me to use it. Why should I even worry about it anymore? Im not gonna. After dinner we watched a movie and ate some pop corn. After that it was time for bed. When my mom told me to ly on the flood i knew what would be coming next. She took off my jeans and lovingly changed my wet diaper. Being sure to apply another layer of diaper rash cream. Then it was lights out. That night i woke up in the middle of the night to wet the bed but for the first time in almost six months my bedding stayed dry and i stayed warm. The diaper pulled the wetness away from my body leaving a warm fuzy feeling that only made falling back to sleep that much easier.
One month later.
For the second morning in a row i woke up with a wet diaper having gone to bed the night before wearing a dry one and not remembering waking up in the night to pee. I wonder if that is gonna be a new trend. Along the same lines of spooky things going on within my body. My bladder has been having random spasms lately. Its a hard feeling to describe. It kinda feels like there is a butterfly down there that bats its wings real fast. Kind of a weird fluttery feeling. It happens off and on all day its weird. But it doesn't really effect me that much. It's just weird.
At school things appear to be calming down. Even though the diapers are thicker they don't smell when wet so therefore i no longer carry that offensive odor along with me where ever i go which is nice. Sometimes i think people are eyeing my crotch area when im wet because the diaper swells up pretty big. But its whatever. I've taken to wearing longer shirts and pants that are a size too
big for me in an attempt to cover the added padding.
The other day durring the last class of the day i wet in my already soaked diaper and I knew it was gonna leak on me. Once class let out i went into a secluded bathroom by the gym to checkout the damage. Right below each butt cheek there were two baseball sized wet marks where the diaper had failed. I took off the hooded sweat shirt i was wearing and wrapped it around my waist before i headed for home.
I'm sure there are people who probubly suspect that i'm wearing diapers now. No one has been bold enough to confront me about it or asked why i never seem to need a hall pass any more or why i crinckle when i walk or why my butt is so puffy all of a sudden. Kids are to sucked up in their own world to care if a loser like me is wearing a diaper or not. Which is why ive slipped under the radar i suppose.
I told Will my best freind that i wear diapers now. At first he got a little weird about it but then he confessed that he sort of knew about it already. He had infact smelled me in my pants/goodnites wetting days but had been too polite to point it out. He also said that sometimes when i sit down my pants ride down and the top of the diaper will stick out. I'll have to watch out for that in the future. I wonder if thats happened at school!? Probubly has but i'd rather not think about it.
Every tuesday afternoon once my mom does my after school diaper change my mom takes me to talk to Anne about how things are going. I told her that i sleep much better since switching to diapers at night. And my social life is looking to be on the up and up. I'm feeling overall much happier. Anne didn't seem bothered that i'd gotten used to wearing the diapers.
She asks other probing questions about my relationship with my mother mostly and how thats been changing. Since she put me back in diapers there is a lot less tension between the two of us. No more worrying about wet pants and wet sheets and no more laundry 24/7 for my mom and i know she appreciates that. I do wonder how she feels about having to change diapers again. She says she doesn't mind but i can't help but question it. Perhaps thats the guilt talking. Either way we are starting to fall into some sort of normal, the diapers are becoming less of a big deal and more a part of our normal rutuine. She changes me out of my soaked diaper in the morning rediapers me after my morning shower. I get changed after school and then again right before bedtime. Having my mother in charge of my diapers was a bit weird and embarassing at first but now it is getting to be as normal as putting on socks and shoes.
Six months later.
So much has happened where oh where to begin. I am now an honest to god bedwetter. Every morning i wake up wet and it's awesome, very excited about that.
I stopped seeing Anne a month or so ago. My mom said that i no longer needed to see her if i didn't want to. So i stopped going. I'm pretty sure that my mother no longer holds out any hope that i will ever go back to regular underwear agian. She has stopped making doctors appointments and has resigned herself to changing diapers instead of dealing with doctors that cost alot of money and don't seem to have any answers. Probubly a big reason for her ultimately giving up on fixing me came because of a couple incidents that happened not that long Ago and the fallout from them.
It was after school on a random Tuesday when me and my mother were at the grocery store. My job was to push the cart and be bored out of my mind while my mother went up and down the aisles crossing things off her list and putting things in the cart. I felt my stomach gurgling and I quietly passed gas. I knew that i should tell her that we should stop so I could use the bathroom but some crazy part of me said nope.
I've been wearing diapers for a long time now and i really don't like having to pull them down to use the bathroom when i have to poop. It sucks as a matter of fact. Im wearing daipers full time now and that is kind of like the final frontier so....Why not?
I farted wettly and instead of clamping the trap door shut i pushed before I could fully think about the posssible repercussions and talk myself out of it. The creases in the back of the diaper that had never beed needed before started to unfold and strained to contain the mess that suddenly pushed up agianst it. Once the room in the back was filled out i felt the poop speadout to cover my whole backside. This was no small accident, I had totally loaded this diaper to the max, i felt it bulge and start to sag with the added weight that I had put into it. Instintively my hand went back there to inspect the damage. That's what my mom saw, me wide eyed and cupping the mess i'd made in my diaper with ond hand saying. " Uh oh...." She looked back at me with a confused look a cross her face. What uh oh!? She seemed to say. Her nose twitched like samantha from bewitched and she gave me a wicked look that screamed no freakin way. Not possible. She walked swiftly up to me and in a low whisper asked, "did you.... Just poop your pants!? Right here in the middle of the store?" I pinched my leg hard enough to summon some crocadile tears. "Yeah.... I pooped, im sorry mommy. It was accident." I said in a voice full of shame. A single tear streaked down my left cheek. "Why didn't you tell me you needed to go to the bathroom!? Jesus, i guess it doesn't matter now does it." I didn't bother responding. I got the feeling that this was one of those retoricle questions. She looked long and hard at me with a furrowed brow. She breathed in slowly taking in the aroma of my ripe diaper then exhaled slowly taking a full ten second break from reality to gather her thoughts before she spoke again. "Its okay, at least you are wearing a diaper instead of underwear, lets go get you cleaned up." She said rather loudly. A little boy who couldn't have been any older than eleven laughed out loud at my mother's outburst. She paid no attention to the kid as she left the cart next to the front checkstand and led me by the hand like a toddler who had just filled his pants into the womens restroom. She dug out the spare diaper that she kept in her purse along with a little zip lock baggy of wipes before She locked us in the last handycapped stall where she unziped my pants and swiftly went to work changing my dirty diaper. I was expecting more of a reaction than that. No punishment or lecture about trying to get to the bathroom in time none of that. She whipped my bottom clean and rediapered me.
while the car ride home was a silent one inside my mother's head the gears were turning. I cannot believe that just happened. Is he losing control of that too? It seems unlikely although maybe it's a sign that he isn't getting enough support or he thinks I don't except him. Maybe if I treated him more like the toddler he is acting like instead of the young adult he is becoming that will prove to him that I love him no matter what. Later that night while laying in bed she googled toddler clothes that would fit teenagers and adult baby diapers. She found diapers that where fun colors and had stars, baby blocks and other childish designs covering them. They looked cute and they had added extra features like odor guards and were made with extra space in the back specifically for messy accidents. These are just the perfect thing to let him know how much I love him and that it's okay. She added a couple more small things into the cart and checked out then she went to bed for the night.
A few days later on Sunday morning at our local church. Me and my mother were standing with the rest of the congregation singing along to the words on the giant screen when i felt a cramp in my tummy. After a few more verses i leaned slightly forward and pushed. Soon i could feel a long solid poop exiting my body until it broke off and came to rest in the pooch of the diaper. I held the seat in front of me and grunted as I pushed again and more came out although this time it was warm soft and mushy feeling pressing up against my butt. My mother meanwhile stould next me praising god, completely oblivious to the fact that another full load of poop had filled my pants for the second time in less than a week. I didn't hesitate or hold back either. Just like how i wet my diapers, i felt the need to go and i went. After the song the pastor said you maybe seated. I sat down squishing the poo all around my bottom it was a crazy feeling and i liked it. About a minute into the surmon my mom leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Is your diaper poopy?" I nodden yes. There was no sense in denying it. Silently she stould up and just like last time took me by the hand and led me into church bathrooms where she locked the door behind us and changed my diaper. Her demenor was very subdued, she didn't seem mad at me at all while she worked. She, in fact acted like it was perfectly normal and just like any other diaper change for her, expected even. Once she was done she tossed the heavily used diaper into the waist basket. It hit the bottom with a loud thud. She washed her hands in the sink and dried her hands with some paper towels. "Baby," she said turning towards me. "I just want to let you know that I will always love you and that i'm here for you always, if that means changing your wet and poopy diapers forever that's okay I do not mind. I'm not mad about it, I know that you can't help it and this doesn't change how i feel about you. You will always be my son and i will always love you no matter what." She said leaning in to give me a hug. "I know that mom, i love you too." I said hugging her back. We then took our seat back in the pews and listened to the pastor finish his surmon.
Our moment in the church restroom only confirmed that i'd made the right choice to just go in my pants for everything from now on. I knew that my mommy had me covered.
After that i had another poopy diaper two days later at home and with the toilet ten feet away sitting on the carpet on my knees in the living room watching cartoons. I just sat there in my Wet and poopy diaper unil my mother happened to walk by and noticed. "Smells like someone in here has a poopy butt." She said playfully. She then went up stairs to get a diaper and the tub of wipes and then she sat down with me on the floor. She laid me on my back and started undoing the tapes of my diaper. The diaper that was laid out beside me was different than the ones I'd been wearing. It seemed thicker and had pastel colored blocks that spelled baby across the front. "Whats up with the new diapers mom?" I asked. I didn't mind it it just seemed kind of silly. "Ah, I'm glad you asked these diapers are made for bigger accidents like this one here. I also got them because I thought the print was cute and to let you know that you will always be my baby and I will always love and care for you. Does it bother you?" "No, I kinda like it." I said smiling. "Good I'm glad." She said smiling back. She finished cleaning me up and rediapered me in my new even thicker more childish diapers and as she began rolling up the used diaper she casually said. "While I have you here I bought you a couple of new tee shirts and I wanna test the fit." She helped me stand up and helped me remove my old shirt. The first shirt she brought out was a plain white tee shirt that she guided up and over my head. It seemed a bit loose that was until my mother started tugging at the bottom hem of it. I had not noticed it before but this shirt had three buttons that attached the front of the shirt to the back going up between my legs. The fit instantly became snugger. "What is this for?" I asked out loud. "These types of shirts are made to keep everything where it should be and to make changing diapers easier. You'll only wear these around the house mostly." My mother responded. Okay that makes sense I reasoned. She then helped me pull up the shorts that I'd been wearing and we sat there on the floor watching cartoons together.
Since my mom has basically given me the okay to use my diapers how they were meant to be used. I honestly can't remember the last time my butt has sat on a toilet seat and i don't miss it one bit.
Aside from that development in the past couple weeks ive noticed that i no longer get the urge to go pee. I only feel my diaper getting warm and wet and thats only if the diaper is dry to begin with. If its already wet i cannot tell when i wet agian and I truly rely on my mother checking to see when I need to be changed cus I have a hard time telling unless my diapers feel super full.
Every Friday night me and my mom go to hollywood video where we rent a few movies and she would let me rent a video game for me to play for the week. We always walked the wall of new releases first to see if they had anything worth while and today was no exception to this tradition.
My mom had checked my diaper before we left and had declared me wet but not wet enough to require a change. Earlier in the day we had gotten some taco bell boritos and they were starting to work their way through my system. With every step i took around the wall of new releases some small farts escaped. It did't take long for my mother to notice the smell that seeped out of my diaper. "Matt, do you need a change?" I flushed red and shook my head. "No. I'm good." Although probubly not for long i though to myself as my stomache gurgled. A few people took notice of the exchange but i tried to avoid making eye contact with them.
I decided to go get my video game for the week. Final fantasy 8. Heck yes, the game i've been waiting for forever was finally in stock. I grabbed the last copy they had and rejoined my mother along the wall of new releases. My mom had stopped to read the back of a movie while i pretended to look at another title on the large wall of vhs tapes. I leaned over slightly letting my body do its thing on auto pilot. i'd learned a while ago that this was the best way to poop. I didn't need to push or strain if i just let my body take over it works its self out. Before i knew it soft poop had begun filling out the back of my diaper. While I knew it was happening i couldn't help but wonder if i could have stopped myself if i wanted to. I suppose I could have but why would I want to do that? I wear diapers now and I'd started getting used to using them whenever and wherever the need presented itself. "Did you find the game you were looking for?" My mother asked turning her attention towards me. "Yup. Im ready to go when you are." I replied handing her the game. "Great i've got some good movies picked out that im sure we will both like." She said as we made our way to the checkout. Half way down the aisle my mom slowed down. "Hold it right there kiddo." And without any warning she started tugging at my pants. "What The...." "Just hold still a minute." She scolded as she pulls out the back of my jeans to take a peak inside. Really mom. Your gonna check my diaper right here. In public? "Ya, i thought so." She said with a smirk. "Why don't you wait in the car while i get these checked out. I didn't bring any spares with me so you're just gonna have to wait until we get home for a change." She said patting my loaded diaper bottom. I nodded my understanding and counted my blessings that we were alone in the aisle. My mom handed me the car keys and I waddled towards the front door. When my hand touched the handle of the door the little hairs on the back of my neck stould up. I looked back at my mom as she got in line and for the first time noticed the mirrors that lined the back wall of the movie store. As what is probubly an anti-theft deterent you can see down every aisle if you simply look up and towards the back wall. Two aisles over from where my mother checked my dirty diaper Sammantha Sims eyes met mine in the mirror.
Fuck fuck fuck. How much had she seen? Sammantha Sims was only the prettiest and most popular girl in my class. I stewed in my filthy diaper the whole ride home and worried what horrible teasing monday morning would bring. I didn't think that i cared if anyone knew that i was incontinant and wore diapers because of it until now. I felt like i was gonna be sick.
Monday came and went without incident. Samantha hadn't ever felt the need to talk to me before today and the fact that she saw my mommy checking my poopy diaper didn't seem to have changed that. Or maybe she didn't see anything i thought to myself. Wishfull thinking perhaps.
The next day i was walking through the halls on my way to my fifth period class. By this time i'd wet my diaper several times and i knew it was sagging and i'd need a change before i left the school. From somewhere behind me i hear, "Oh my god i can totally see it!" One girl in a large group of girls said to a chorus of giggles. I wanted to turn around to find out who said it and what they were seeing but i thought better of it. Do you really want to know? No. But at the same time i knew exactly what they must have seen. The gig is up.
Later on that day i walked into the boys bathroom to change when i saw a group of boys laughing and pushing each other basic jock ruff housing stuff. That is until i walked in and all that stopped. Feeling the tenstion in the air i tried to casually walk out. "Hey, what are you doing in here? Don't you wear diapers?" The biggest D-bag of the bunch said while punching one of his buddies playfully. Not wanting to further my humilation i decided to find another bathroom to change in. I could hear their laughter behind me as the door slowly closed behind me. Fuck um. Fuck um all.
After that incident i isolated myself from my classmates as sort of a sheild from teasing. Clearly Samantha Sims had seen everything and had told some friends about it. Rumors spread like wildfire at Marshal Middle School. There was a weird sense of relief in knowing that everybody knew. The rabbit had jumped out of the hat and no matter how hard i tried, i knew there was no stuffing him back in agian. The baggy pants and long tee shirts i'd been wearing in an attempt to conceal the bulge all of a sudden no longer seemed nessessary. Whats the point when everybody knows? Will was still my friend and still eats lunch with me even though nobody else would dare. I get the ocasional snickering or off colored comment from a random jock but for the most part kids just see me as either a freak or one of the special needs kids now. Either way I've become more invisible to them then ever. Which is fine by me.
I never would have thought for a moment that i was popular anyways.
Six months later.
I had a poopy diaper at school today. This was far from the first time that this had happened to me but this time it was a different experience because I didn't even realize it was happening until it was almost over. I felt my body involuntarily flex and a wave of soft mush joined the poop that was already resting against the padding without my knowledge and before i was fully aware that i had started filling my pants it was over. Did i have control over that? The clear answer was no. Not even close, I just had a real messy accident. The first of many to come to be sure. I knew that i'd long ago lost my bladder control. The final nail in that coffin came a couple months ago when my mom was changing my diaper and in the brief moment of fresh air on my genitals with no padding under me i peed all over myself. My shirt got wet the carpet got wet it was a mess. My mom just laughed it off. " you haven't done that in a very long time." She said laughing as she went to grab a towel.
Since I started having messy accidents and in an attempt to avoid teasing bastards my mom set it up with the school that not only could I get a hall pass to change my diaper when ever I needed one she arranged it so i could come to the nurses station that has a bathroom door that locks and either change my own wet diaper there or if i pooped my pants, Janet, the school nurse, would help me clean up and rediaper me. Janet for her part was very cool about it. She remembered me showing up in her office last year with dripping wet pants all of the time. Janet was also the first person who recommended that i should be wearing protection in the first place. So when at the begining of this school year she was asked to help me with my diapers im sure it didn't catch her by surprise. Perhaps she even expected it. Although the first time I showed up in her office with a full diaper that had the baby blocks decal splashed across the front she did raise an eyebrow and asked where I'd gotten diapers like that. I shrugged and said I didn't know and that my mom had boughten them for me. Even if she did find the choice of diapers odd she changed them all the same. As it turned out i am not the only person whose diapers she changes at this school. I found this out by snooping around in the her cabinets one day when she was out of the office. I found other larger sized diapers and kids pull-ups both for girls and for boys that didn't belong to me. Probubly some of the younger classmen wore them. It still made me feel good to know that i wasn't completely alone in my condition.
As soon I walked into Janets office she would make small talk and ask how my day was going but i knew that she was trying to tell if she would need to help me out or not. When inevitably her nose picked up the scent she would tell me that everything was gonna be okay while she dug through her desk looking for a pair of white medical gloves. Having done this dance many times before I gingerly laid down on the bed trying not to make Janets job harder than it needed to be, I pulled down my pants and after she snapped on the gloves and gathered my changing supplies she changed my dirty diaper. She wasn't as gentle as my mother but she was kind in her own way. We had this tradition that after a really messy diaper change Janet would give me a candy from a hidden drawer in the bottom of her desk as a way of peping me up and it worked like a charm every darn time.
Last Saturday i was waiting in line at Mcdonalds to grab some lunch. I was wearing a pair of white shorts and a Metallica tee shirt. In retrospect i realise now that my diaper bulge must have been quite noticable. I'm not sure when it happened but a long time ago I gave up on going out of my way to hide my diapers. I put on my clothes just like anyone else does without worrying about it.
A little girl and her mother had gotten in line behind me. The little girl couldn't have been any older than five or maybe six and came up to about my waist. From behind me i hear the girl ask her mother quite loudly. "Mommy, why is that boy wearing a diaper." I turn around to see the girl pointing at my bottom. The mother quickly told the girl to hush up and that it was none of her buisness. At first i ignored them and ordered my food. The more I thought about it though the more it bugged me. While we were both hanging back waiting for our food i noticed that the girls eyes were fixated on me. " Hi, what's your name?" i asked her. "Sarah" she replied shyly. "Sarah, you know you are right, i am wearing a diaper. I wear diapers because i have a medical condition that means i can't tell when i need to go to the bathroom " "Really" she asked "really." I replied. At this point the mother chimed in "I'm so sorry for my daughters rude remark." "It's nothing to be sorry about ma'am. I completely understand. Kids at that age are full of questions." I said with a smile. I took my drink cup off of the counter and walked casually towards the fountain drink dispenser to get my soda and I throughly enjoyed my lunch when my number was called.
Once i got home for the evening i decided to do something that i'd been thinking about for a couple of months now. I wanted to respond to the kid whose thread got me thinking about wearing diapers agian and today i finally got the nerve to do just that. Here is what i said.
RE: How do i get my parents to put me back into diapers?
I realise that this thread hasn't been updated in over a year and the OP is probubly long gone but i thought i should share my story here anyways because in a lot of ways right here is where this story starts for me.
Having taken the advice from diapered1964 and beentheredonethat
I started out by wetting my bed. Then after three months of gradually wetting more and more until it became every night i began having daytime accidents too. Just like beentheredonethat and diapered1964 said my mom bought me pull-ups to wear and took me to doctors and therapists to try and fix me.
After a couple more months with zero improvement and a lot more wet clothes to be washed caused by leaking flooded pull-ups my mother broke down and put me back in diapers full time. A few months on down the road i began having messy accidents as well. I now wear and use diapers 24/7.
Over time I have learned to love and except myself for who i am. I got what i wanted. It was harder than i thought it would be thats for darn sure. There were a lot of times when i questioned whether or not i should just give up. Admit that the whole thing had been a clever ruse. But there is a point that i crossed where simple turning around and going back wasn't an option any more. I'd gone through to much to simply walk away from my actions and act like they never happened. There have been some unintended consequences that i didn't really think through all the way when i started. I am now truly incontinent. Making me an honest liar. If that makes any sense. My relationship with my mother suffered in the begining. Durring the first six month or so all those wet clothes and sheets im sure were hard on my mother and a burden for her to deal with. I am also sure that she didn't relish the thought of changing her teenage sons diapers agian. I do carry some guilt over that. Over time though i think her outlook on my condition has evolved. I was getting older, more independant and frankly closer to adulthood and leaving her. All of that changed the second i needed her to change my diapers. It gave her someone to take care of and well moms need that. At least my mom does. Our bond has become so much stronger now that she takes care of my every need. She seems happier than at any time that i can recall. I am also happy with how things have turned out for me and i look forward to tomorrow and what that will bring.
So if anyone out there wants what i wanted and what the OP wanted. Go for it. I know it seems like a long shot but it can happen. I am living proof of it.