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    • I sit there thinking your not gonna do anything as i knew i was not a baby as i back talk saying "16 year olds don't sit it high chairs and im not baby" its the first i ever talked back like this to you.
    • Be careful you're not over-hydrating yourself either too quickly. Fluids are of course, good, but pace yourself.
    • When Evelyn saw her daughter rocking as hard as she could in her high chair and she immediately sat down the food and walked over to her and stopped her, "Stop that Valeria you have to eat your food, your underweight and you're sitting in that because you refuse to eat so either start acting like a big girl and eat your meal or you can be treated like a little girl and be fed like a baby, so what do you want to do?" Evelyn asked staring at her daughter.
    • Poor baby. She promised daddy she’d be a good girl though. He’s a mean daddy, making her go poopy in her diapers, it would just turn her on so much and she’s such a big baby and won’t know what to do about it. 😈
    • Hey everyone! I added another chapter here, so now the total is up to 25. When I was actually getting into the depth of some of these characters, I realized I needed to flesh them out a bit more with the stakes and losses. Originally, Pete was going to lose a lot more at the end of the first chapter and just immediately head to the local institute that I’ve alluded to before. To me, in all these edits and additions, that felt way too rushed and I needed a chapter just dedicated to that first hurdle of going from an independent adult just going about their way in the world to the angsty teen mad at the world who now feels powerless. That being said, this one is a little longer than a few of the others to get all the stuff I needed to get done accomplished. I think longer chapters actually might be a trend for a few of these upcoming chapters as I already wrote them a while ago, but now I need to make even further edits and additions to them. I don’t think most of you mind a little more bulk in my stories though, and I think the characters get a little more growth going the longer way of things. Next, just as a reminder, a new poll is up for you all to let me know which story you all would like to read next. Story options and the link can be found back in the beginning of chapter 2. As I mentioned before though, if you feel more comfortable leaving a comment here or as a private message to me, I will count these as well. Additionally, like before, this poll will be shut down right before I post my final chapter on here. Further announcements will be made regarding this when the time gets closer. Last but not least and as usual, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter! Chapter 7: That Old Familiar… Loss ‘Just a little push.’ My physics professor in college tried to coin that off as their own personal catchphrase at one point whenever describing their experiments. ‘Just one push and the ball will roll down the hill,’ or ‘Just one little push and the bridge might break under the strain you’re applying to it.’ It made sense, but most of us non-science majors just passed it off as another cooky quirk of our college professor… never thinking it would ever truly apply to our outside lives. I mean, the guy wore socks with sandals half the time, so surely his advice on life outside of science wasn’t worth much, right? Well… I was wrong. With Molly off to Milan for her photoshoot or whatever, I made sure to go to Simon’s and drink away my worries the very next day after my new prognosis. Being a Monday, the crowd was a little more limited, but there was a decent enough crowd that, sitting at the bar, I kind of blended in for a while. Having now bounced at 15, Oliver had a life to rebuild and a job to dedicate himself fully to. So, it wasn’t until about 9 or 10 that night that he finally showed up. “Olly!” I shouted as I waved over to my friend. Oddly, he looked a little embarrassed as he wandered over to me. “You made it! Here!” I quickly shoved a tall glass of the so-called ‘Popcorn Delight’ over to him. The foam on top a creamy yellow, it smelled like buttery popcorn and tasted close to an alcoholic cream soda. “Hurry! You’ve got a lotta catchin’ up to do to match me.” Oliver smiled and took a sip of his drink, but not downing it like he usually did, I knew right away that something was on his mind. “Thanks, Pete, but… how did your appointment go yesterday? You celebrating or trying to forget about it?” ‘Shit.’ I forgot I had told him about my appointment with Dr. Faulkner. Feeling like my only friend lately, I thought I should tell him on Saturday, but being too shocked over the news yesterday, I had essentially turned my phone off after my appointment and my impromptu meeting with Molly. Clearly eager to know, I knew I couldn’t keep something like this from him. “Uh… iss not great.” Not sure how he would take the news, I was trying to be subtle about these things. From Oliver’s expression though, even with changing my approach, I wasn’t sure he believed me. “I see… not great as in a few more years down, or…?” His eyes then darted over to the younger section of the crowd, before shooting back to me… almost like he was trying to hide what the true purpose of his question was. Seeing through it, but not wanting to hide the truth, I quickly sighed. Represented by their cup of a dog on its hind legs with a ball on its nose, the youngest group in here of the three ranged from 8 to about 11 or 12 years old. ‘8 years old… shit…’ Sadly, with my new diagnosis, even that seemed like a fantasy now. Still, I knew I had to tell him. “Other…” I gritted my teeth but then pushed through. “It… it’s under 6…” Few and stumbling simple words, but the expression on Oliver’s face said it all. “I…” To my mortification, he now unusually seemed at a loss for words. Being a social butterfly and uber confident in his previous life, he always had something to say. Now, I could see that my new diagnosis was hitting him like a ton of bricks. Sadly though, like he had been through this before, almost on its own, his body seemed to start going through the motions. First, his hand reached up and patted my shoulder warmly and gently. Next, he cocked his head to the side slightly and smiled pleasantly toward me. Last were his words… “I’m so sorry, Pete. Just take a breath and I’m sure everything will be okay. Just one step at a time and I know you… you’ll get through this.” It was practiced… almost to the point where I wanted to believe his words no matter what, but also to the point where emotion was starting to be stretched thin over each word. I had never asked about any of his friends other than me, but now, I was morbidly curious as to where they were. After all, in all the times I had gone to Simon’s with him, aside from a few women, I seemed to be his only friend. Still, I couldn’t think about that tonight. I wanted to drink… to forget about my worries. That was why Simon’s existed. A dark and bleak purpose or personal practice perhaps, but Simon’s was a way out for those that didn’t want to think about what they were losing. Or for people like Oliver, it was a place to relive their youth… a redo on the mistakes they felt like they had made the first time at these ages. So, I danced all through the night. Having to go to work once again in the morning, I knew I had to call it though. Oliver seemed a bit crestfallen over that, but he just gave me a hug. “Good luck, Pete. I know you’ll be okay.” Again, it was practiced like he had done all this before. Shuffling that off though, I got in the ride service I called and headed back home, all the while ignoring the occasional look from the ever-silent driver at the front. After that, things kind of just bumped along. I kept getting this odd sensation that I was somehow living a double life… my diagnosis posted online for all to see… if they looked. Apparently, no one really did, because a few days later, no one else still knew about my new prognosis. At least until that Thursday. The letter posted to my door, the phone call, and even the email I received all said the same thing. ‘Eviction Notice.’ It was so inhuman of my apartment complex, but after a series of fires and late-night parties in Buffalo where an AR eight-year-old nearly fell out of a four story up balcony, the law stepped in. Anyone diagnosed to bounce under the age of 13 or 14, depending on your state, would need to live with a caregiver. Most just got their significant others to step in to fill the role, but for those too prideful, single, or stubborn, other state services were provided… or family stepped in. With Molly still in Milan and then immediately accepting another photo offer in London, I had little choice in the matter now. “Which ones do you want to keep, sweetie?” my mom asked on Saturday. “And which ones do you want to just put in storage… for now?” I had screamed in anger on Thursday, called my parents on Friday, and now, my mom and dad were here packing up my old life. It was one of the most bitter pills I had to swallow yet, the prospect of having to move back in with my parents, but knowing I had no say in the matter, I had already mostly separated my things out neatly. “The ones in the plastic containers with lids go into storage,” I said, pointing to the left side of my living room, now stacked high of the same boxes. With no aches or pains, I had fully plunged myself into packing up yesterday. I started again this morning, and my and I parents finished the rest… now mostly just sheets and clothing. “The ones in the cardboard boxes come with me.” My mom quickly peered into the boxes and immediately seemed confused. “But why would you need your diploma with you and your new li…” “We’ll get right on it, bud,” my dad said, jumping in and nudging my mom to the side a little. To my mom, I suspected a degree for someone under six didn’t mean much. To my dad, who saw how hard I had worked to earn it, from our conversation this morning when he asked me if I was okay, he was right later assuming that such tokens from my past were now essentially buoys to my burdened psyche that I at least hadn’t lost everything in a single second overnight. Younger, yes, but I was still me and the knowledge I had already gained was still there. Regardless, with myself and my two youthened parents, the work of the elevator and a nearby parked car and moving truck, by the afternoon, my apartment just contained a few of the larger furniture items, like my bed, couch, and a few other bits. It was a little heated this morning in figuring out what to do with them but considering the regulation of being 14 to live on your own, the prospect of Molly taking me in at some point now being questionable at best, and the fact that one simply didn’t grow up at least eight years in any shortened span, it was decided to either donate or sell them. With these things now becoming terribly common in AR’s lives, a company specializing in this service had popped up. Soberly, by tomorrow afternoon, beyond a few holes from some picture hangers, a small carpet stain where Molly had spilled wine on our third date, and a few dimples on the carpet, it would be like I never lived here at all. Like the moving and selling company for the larger pieces of furniture, though, due to new regulations, my lease was voided, and I didn’t have to pay for the remainder of the time on my lease. So, by five that night, I turned in my key to the front office and left my apartment complex of three years in my parents’ van… never to return. That night, after a tempting meal of fast-food burgers and fries we picked up from on our way home, I leaned back in my bean bag chair from college in my old room and thought of the future… and the past. Seemingly coming full circle, I could only sigh as I remembered back to April when all this started. Now, I was back in the same room I had stayed in overnight when Marshall Law went into effect on Orange Day. Everything seemed terrifying that day… but still distant. With ARV becoming an everyday matter, it seemed the opposite… more normalized but also hauntingly closer to my life. Closing my eyes that night, I dreaded where I would be next April. It was strange not to have to drive over for Sunday night dinner but also nice not having to drive back as well. I was grateful to keep my car at least in all this mess and Amanda seemed pleased when she realized I was staying here more than just one afternoon at a time now, but I could sense that my presence was still awkward for everyone else. My dad didn’t seem to know the right words to say. My mom kept looking at me wistfully, almost like she was imagining me back when I was 17 the first time. And worst of all, Lucas… technically my ‘older brother’ now, was trying to do his best to be supportive of me. The sentiment was nice but having been the true eldest of the family for years, it felt more like the care of an older brother sympathizing with their younger brother. It didn’t help that he even used the same tone I did with him when we were growing up. Only back then, I tried to only use it when he was still a kid… like when he fell off his bike or couldn’t tie his shoes. Still, I had hope for easing back into my job the next day. I managed to get through a pretty solid stack of documents, and I was feeling accomplished... finally. Out of everything, I never expected my job to be the one constant I looked forward to in life, but not taking anything for granted right then, I just held on to the feeling for as long as I could. “I’m so sorry, Pete…” Todd said suddenly, almost waltzing by my desk and breaking my thoughts. Being so random of a statement without context, regardless of the sentiment, I looked back at him questioningly. “For being an AR?” Tood shook his head. “Then what are you even talking abou…?” “Pete?” I turned around to see Jeanette standing on the other side of my cubicle. “Can you come with me, please? We need to talk…” I didn’t know what she wanted, but turning pale, I knew from her saddened tone, it wasn’t anything good. Turning around back to Todd as I stood up, I remembered his expressed sympathies to me from less than a minute ago. As I followed Jeanette, I wondered how he knew… “Take a seat, Pete,” Jeanette instructed me. Sitting down as well, she sighed. “Pete… before anything else today, I just want to apologize again for the mix-up that was how your ARV status was handled by HR. I honestly don’t think they had a protocol at the time and that you received the brunt of that… misstep.” She seemed more guarded with her words today than usual. Normally, that only occurred when she felt a contract was under risk of being terminated of we would lose a bid for one, but this? This felt like the wind-up to something more… sinister… at least for lack of a better word. Despite that feeling, I wanted to show my thanks for her effort in at least apologizing to me. “That’s okay… Admittedly, it was a little tough, but I think everyone has gotten used to the fact that I got it as well now.” Immediately, Jeannette looked relieved. “I’m so glad that you feel that way.” Looking behind me, she then waved back toward herself. I was about to look at who she was gesturing to, but she quickly continued. At that point, I only heard the door open. “That being said… it has come to my attention that you have now received a new diagnosis…” ‘Shit.’ It was truly out in the open now. It was public before, but I held onto the hope of ignorance of others. With my apartment and now my job knowing, the list of those that didn’t know was dwindling rapidly. “Yes… I just found out about it…” Quickly, I saw Jeanette look a little uncomfortable. “But I still have my adult mind!” I didn’t mean to blurt it out like I did, but my outburst was undeniable. Unfortunately, Jeannette seemed a little taken aback by it. Trying to ease myself down and not regret everything in life, I saw her eyes flick over to my left. Looking there as well, I saw Rozz… the initial person from HR who I told about my ARV status. “Hello, Peter.” “Rozz…” I nodded to her, but with her presence, I almost instantaneously felt a cramp in my stomach. “What… what are you doing here?” I turned back to Jeannette in a panic. “Did I do something wrong?” She was about to speak up, but Rozz swooped in and took the majority of my field of vision up, now partially obscuring my view of Jeannette. “Not at all, Peter. You’ve done very well at this company. But your ARV diagnosis makes your current employment here… a liability.” “A liability?” I tried to look at Jeanette for any sense of hope of answers, but Rozz was clearly running this meeting now. “Yes,” she replied, her tone clinical, despite her otherwise friendly appearance. “Speaking to the heads of departments, our shareholders, and our board of directors… we feel that ARs diagnosed under the age of 13 pose a potential problem to serving our needs. There are reputedly several potential problems below that age, and the company feels the risk isn’t worth it… at least until a test can be performed.” “A test?” I remembered hearing about one before, but with my job now seemingly on the line, I didn’t want there to be any gaps or miscommunications. Rozz nodded. “That’s right. I believe most just simply know it as a maturity test, though I find that a little crude… it basically just tests your general mental functions. Once you’ve bounced, simply take it and inform me directly.” She then handed me the thick, red-colored folder labeled ‘ARV Leave.’ “This will tell you all you need to know… payments, insurance, how to come back… all of it.” Distressingly, I had seen a packet like this before. A few changes in direction to my last company and half the staff was deemed ‘replaceable,’ so we all got ‘laid off.’ Tantamount to being fired at that place, the packet in my hands now felt all too familiar. “So… I’m fired?” “Oh no, Pete,” Jeanette said quickly, jumping over a slightly perturbed looking Rozz. “This is just a temporary leave. Pass your tests and…” “And we will welcome you back with open arms,” Rozz butted back in. Jeannette didn’t seem to appreciate the policy or Rozz very much, but I knew how the company worked. If the heads of departments, the board of directors, our shareholders, and now HR had signed off on the policy, there was simply nothing she could do about it. “So, relax. Take the time off to breathe and just take in all that’s happening. Get better and then come back… after your test.” I didn’t have much to say after that, feeling numb from it all. Between Jeannette’s silence and Rozz’s almost clinical approach, I wasn’t feeling very good about any of this. Placing so much emphasis on the test being such a crucial component, it quickly made me weak at the knees just thinking about it. After all, if I had to list out all the planets or do calculus again… I wasn’t sure of my odds at passing it. ‘I mean… how often does anyone not in a science or math field use calculus in their daily lives?’ Still, back at my desk, everything was pretty easy to pack up. The office being what it was, everyone soon knew about my leave. It was all smiles of sympathy or comfort… except Todd. The weasel rumor mill of the office just seemed proud of himself. I didn’t have any proof, but as I left my office with all my stuff… sans my work-provided laptop, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was the one who ratted me out to HR or Jeanette… both times. But what’s done was done. No matter how much I wanted to hit Todd, I didn’t want to give Jeanette or Rozz a reason not to take me back. Hitting him now would likely just get me in trouble and prove to everyone that even my mind and maturity were slipping. So, resolved, I just got in my car, and coming back home, I told my mom straight away. At this point, there was no reason I had to keep any of this stuff a secret. Being a little more understanding about these sorts of things, I wished I was telling my dad first, but he was still at work. So, looking after Molly when she wasn’t at pre-school and working from home managing a website for a flower company, my mom offered as much comfort as she could. To be blunt, I loved my mom… I really did, but her advice wasn’t much. I hugged her like a good son but then beat a hasty retreat back to my room. Still, later that afternoon and all alone in my room with a locked door, I thought about what she said. For now, I could only pray that in an ideal world and that I passed my ‘maturity’ test, I could now use my extra years and time to improve my skills. Reading up on it to at least give me some semblance of hope, I found that already, many ARs had gone back to college or had taken nightly or online classes to improve their skills. For those initially hit and who had already passed their tests, employers seemed eager to snatch those types of employees up as they were considered ideal candidates for job placement. Young and fresh from an education of sorts but also containing the years of maturity and experience of a more senior employee. With everyone complaining about the job market, it seemed like a perfect match. For today though, as soon as I closed my laptop, I could only hug my pillow as the reality of it all started to sink in and cloud my previous optimism. Despite all my research, the best I could find was an eight-year-old AR going back to his job on wall street. Eight… not even six. With my diagnosis under six, I knew I could only wait and hope that somehow, maybe I would be the exception and try to go back to how things used to be. The next few days… were a little rough to say the least. Even not shaving for a few days and wandering around in a stupor, nothing felt real. I felt cast off from the rest of the world, and worse, my parents now imposed a ‘weekends only policy in going to Simon’s. I tried reaching out to Oliver… even thinking of sneaking out my window and getting him to pick me up on another street so my parents wouldn’t be alerted to me starting my car late at night… but he wasn’t answering me back. I tried not to think about it, or at least give him the benefit of the doubt, but as Friday rolled around, I still hadn’t received one reply back yet. “Alright, mister,” my mom said briskly, dropping a backpack in front of me. “This has gone on long enough.” “What are you talking about?” I asked, confused as to why she was lashing out at me today. Her eyes then narrowly focused on me. “Listen, Pete. I love you, and I even gave you a little space and time to take all this in, but if you think you’re going to be lounging around forever until you bounce… you’ve got another thing coming. Understand?” I groaned and rolled my eyes for a second. “Yeah…” “And no attitude either.” Her words were biting, and I felt all my younger age once more. She was a great person, but to me and Lucas, we always felt like she ventured a little too far into dictator territory when either of us weren’t doing what she wanted… or at least when she thought we weren’t ‘living up to our full potential,’ as she used to like to say. “Fine…” I just wanted the argument to end, but as soon as I turned away, she stopped me once more by blocking my path out of the room. “Didn’t you hear me before?” I didn’t answer and she sighed. “Pete… I’m not going to let you just sit around here. So…” I then saw her eyes dart to the clock. “Okay… how about this? You either go out on your own and get some fresh air or you come with me for some errands and then we pick up Amanda before her playdate. Which will it be?” I loved my sister… but errands and then sitting around for a playdate seemed the worst possible choice for me right now. Seeing the backpack my mom had slumped on the chair earlier, I quickly noticed it was the one I mainly used to go hiking. “Fine. Sheesh! I’ll go hiking, okay?” My mom knowingly smiled, almost as if she had set all this up. “Good. Just be back before dark, okay?” “Yes, yes…” My patience was running thin, and it was coming out in my tone of voice. Fortunately, my mom then left me alone to get dressed a little more warmly, done my hiking boots, and then raced out to my car. Annoyingly, as my mom predicted, five minutes into my drive, I was already feeling better. Already getting late in the day, I decided to go for one of the more strenuous, but also shorter treks up the nearby mountains. Alternatively, my favorite was called the south green trail winder. It wound around about midway up on the mountain with a series of switchbacks and wove itself through a massive pine forest… hence the name. My favorite part though was that due to the switchbacks and a portion of the trail uncovered, it gave one a beautiful view of the surrounding landscape. Stretching for miles, even on a winter day like today when most of the trees had lost their leaves and everything was a little gray already, the view was still spectacular. Today, however, I chose the white bear trail. Starting higher up on the mountain, it meant it was shorter, which worked for the amount of limited daylight I had left, but it still gave one a great view at the top. Being winter though, most of the trail was at least going to be flanked by mounds of snow and ice. Beautiful, but several warning signs cautioned against both night hikes and going up without checking the weather first. Still, I soon parked at the base of the trail, did a few stretches, locked my car, and then set off on the trail beyond the parking lot there. As predicted, like some scene pulled from one of my sister’s snowy storybooks about some magical being or whatever, snow littered most of the area around me. It meant a few slips here and there, but the grind to the top was worth it. Going up, I also met a few people, but in less than two hours, I made it to the peak. Almost fully enclosed in snow, my youthful and heat-producing younger body felt more alive than it had in years. Between my job, dating, and just the general business of life, my hiking habits had fallen off slightly. Now, at the top of the mountain, I couldn’t help but shout out a little in triumph. “Woo hoo! Made it to the top, ‘ma!” I giggled a bit at my silly antics up there. Fortunately, being practically painted purely by snow and wintry weather this time of year, no one was around to hear my echoing yell of triumph as it bounced off the rest of the peaks. For the briefest of moments, everything felt like it was going to be okay. Even with my fingers prickling with the cold air swirling around them, I felt a tiny burst of joy in my heart. Everything else waited for me down the mountain… but up here, even if it was for a single moment in my day, I felt like the king of everything. In the distance though, in my triumph, I saw the sun was well on its way past its zenith overhead. Using my hand to measure the time as a bit of a force of habit from a technique my dad taught me when I was younger, I realized that I had to turn back quickly. Grimacing, if I was at all accurate, I realized that if I was lucky, I would just be getting home as the sun set behind the mountains. Living with my parents now and not wanting to tread on the freedom they were giving me, I sprinted away as fast as I could. Nearly jumping down the mountain, I finally saw my car where I had parked it. Getting back to it, I quickly knocked off the snow and a few bits of gravel and mud from my boots and hauled myself inside before revving the engine to life. Checking the time and then my GPS, I knew I was going to be cutting it tight getting home tonight.   Speeding along, I was hyper focused on both my GPS and the time. I wasn’t even looking at the speedometer at one point. In fact, I was so focused on the ETA at the bottom of my digital map that I just noticed the light turning yellow. Worried about getting home and not wanting to wait, I barreled through the traffic light. With maybe half a second left, I made it to the other side before the light turned red. “Haha!” I yelled in triumph once again. “Made it sucker! That light has nothing on me! I’m the king, baby!” I felt a rush of my teenaged hormones shoot through my veins. I felt invincible and quickly flipped on my radio, listening to the local rock station. “Yeah! Turn it up! Louder, baby!” the music blared in my car, threatening to shatter glass and my eardrums, but I didn’t care. I was undefeatable. I was mighty. I was the best ever and I was going to do everything right this time around… A siren then went off to my rear. My heart then froze as I looked behind me. I saw the red and blue flashing lights and quickly smacked off my music. “Shit, shit, shit!” I wondered if the cop car was for me or someone else, but with the sunset blazing in the sky, the roads were almost empty. Seconds later, I knew the truth. The cop was telling me to pull over. “Shit!” Seconds later, I had pulled to the side of the road. Minutes after that, I saw the uniformed officer get out of his car and begin to approach mine. Looking at my GPS, I knew for sure now that I was both in trouble with the law and now, beyond the time I needed to be back. I was most definitely screwed. Knocking on my window, the mid-40s officer gestured for me to roll my window down, looking at me sternly. “License and registration please… and proof of insurance.” My heart was already pounding and with trembling fingers, I pointed over to my glovebox that held my registration. Pulling it out, I then retrieved my license and insurance and showed it to the police officer as calmly as I could. Unfortunately, I nearly dropped them with my hands and fingers shaking so much. The officer didn’t say anything at first, but holding the three items, almost instantly, he sighed. “Sir, do you have any idea why I pulled you over tonight?” I wasn’t sure exactly why, but I knew it had to be because of my speed or that somehow, I didn’t see the traffic lights right and had blown through it illegally. “Y… yes, officer.” “Well… that’s something I guess…” He then looked back down at my ID. “You were going 68 mph on a road that’s supposed to be 45 mph. That’s reckless driving…” I swallowed hard at hearing that. Reckless driving was a serious offense in this area, with the mayor cracking down on those drivers since his first term in office, and even before when he was just a state representative. “I…” I tried to say something… anything, but my words just refused to come out. The officer, once such a imposing cut of a figure, then looked into my car and at me, and sympathy swam to his eyes as he returned the documents I had just given him. I took them, but I was still confused, and I think he saw that. “You’re an AR. I’m assuming all this is new to you… correct?” I nodded. “Y… yes, s… sir. Found out last week of a new diagnosis.” “I thought as much.” Adjusting his belt, his eyes suddenly looked pained. “A lot of my friends got whacked hard on Orange Day. Serving and protecting everyone downtown… a lot of them lost so many years.” “You weren’t there?” I questioned. I had a sneaking suspicion, especially with his seeming sympathy to me that he hadn’t managed to escape the mist either, but considering he wasn’t a baby, I knew there had to be more to it than that. Confirming my suspicions, he shook his head. “No. I was on the highway that day. Big accident and all.” Thinking back, I quickly remembered that was the reason I went downtown in the first place that day. “All the explosions went off and I got hit. My partner did too. We both lost 20 years.” He deeply sighed. “I was about to retire and go fishing. Can’t say I’m too happy about postponing those plans, but considering my old partner is currently in Linfield… I feel I got the better end of the deal.” “Linfield?” I felt like I had heard that name before, but I couldn’t quite place it. Based on the cop’s expression alone, it didn’t seem like the best place to be though. “Yeah… it’s one of the institutes around here the government set up for younger ARs. Caters to a lot of ages that way…” The cop then faded off and shook his head. “Anyways… I just… I can understand your situation is all.” He paused but I could tell there was more he had to say. “But I also need to protect the public. Law says that as an AR with reckless driving, I take your license, give you a big ticket here, and impound your car.” I think my soul died a little on the spot. “But as I said,” he quickly continued, clearly trying to be reassuring in all this, “I understand what you’re going through. So, instead, I want to give you a warning on one condition…” He paused and then squinted at me. “Have you started living with a caregiver yet?” I felt the shame of living with my parents once again, like I was somehow not affected by a major virus and was still 28. Still though, I knew I couldn’t just dodge his question. “I have… my parents…” “Good. Very good,” he said, a little relief spreading over his face like he needed me to confirm that for his deal to work. “So, here’s what I propose… I’ll give you just a warning today, but you need to call one of your parents… or your home, and I need to talk to them as well. Deal?” I didn’t want to make that deal… but the alternative was so much worse. I was sunk either way, especially with the sun now fully dipped beyond the horizon. So, not seeing much other choice, I reached for my phone. “The warning… I’ll take the warning…” “Good. Now, call one of them or your home now.” I hesitated for a moment as I looked down at my phone. “I can wait…” My fingers still trembling, I searched through my contacts and debated whether I should tell my mom or dad. As both would be home by now, I decided to essentially give myself an equal shot at both by calling my home. “Hello? Where are you, Pete?” It was my mom. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not at this point. “Mom… I…” The cop looked back at me and I sighed. “I got pulled over…” “What?” she nearly screeched. I could already hear my dad in the background asking what was wrong. “What did you do? Are you hurt? Did you wreck? Are you…?” “Mom!” I knew she was spiraling at the mere thought of a possibility of me now being dragged away in cuffs or something. “Please… I have an officer here now. He’s making a deal for this just to be a warning, but… he wants to talk to my… caregiver.” “What? He does? I…” She then trailed off for a second, and I could already hear her relaying part of the message to my dad. “Okay… put them on.” Grimacing, I then handed the cop my phone. “Here… it’s my mom…” Nodding, he took the phone and walked off just out of my earshot. Not long after, he handed the phone back to me and I listened in. “Hang up now. Just come straight home. Do not go anywhere else, Peter. I mean it.” Gulping, I knew something was going to come of this. “Stay safe, and we’ll see you soon.” The phone then clicked off. “Okay. Deals a deal, Pete,” the cop said back to me. “Take a second to breath and then drive safe and straight home. When you get there, take another breath and try and calm down. Trust me… you’ll thank me later.” He almost walked away but then turned back to me. “Oh, and Pete? Keep it under the speed limit, and… good luck.” “T… thank you, o… officer.” He smiled and then went back to his car. As soon as he was inside, I calmly drove off, eyeing the speedometer of my car almost a little too much, honestly. Still, not long after, I pulled in the driveway. Coming inside, I hung up my coat and removed my hiking boots, still damp from the snow and mud from the mountain. Barely making it into the kitchen, I saw my dad finishing the last of the dinner preparation and helping Amanda with a light snack before dinner later. Seeing me, he looked at me with both concern and frustration. “Pete… I…” He sighed. “Your mom is waiting for you upstairs. Whatever she says, I’m on board with as well.” There was a finality to his statement and hearing it before, I knew that they had already talked and agreed on a strategy for how to deal with all this going forward. So, trudging up the stairs, each one feeling like a weight had been attached to the underside of my foot, I made it to the top. This scene felt too real… walking slowly to her office for summary judgement of my crimes. I was shaking like a leaf, but still, entering her home office, I knocked on her open door. “Mom?” She looked up from her computer where she had also been furiously scribbling out a few notes on a nearby legal pad of paper. Standing up, she stuck her arm out. “Keys.” There was no hesitation or sign of regret in her voice. Still, I had already hung them up downstairs on the rack that contained the rest of the family’s car keys. “They’re downstairs…” “Oh… good,” she said, almost like she was trying to convince herself of that. “Makes my point up here a little less enforced, but it’ll be easier to take them away.” “Take them away?” I didn’t have to ask the question. I knew what she meant, but there was still a tiny spark deep within me somewhere that was just hoping and praying that I was very wrong. “Yes, Pete,” my mom said, her gaze unshifting away from me now. “As of today, your dad and I are revoking your privilege to drive anymore. For now, if one of us is in the car, we will allow you then but going forward… considered yourself benched.” It was yet another hammer blow to my ego, each one whacking me further into the horrid muck of ARV. I knew this was coming eventually… just not this soon. “But…” “No buts, mister,” she said sternly, even going as far as to slice her hand through the air to make her point more clearly. “You got pulled over for reckless driving tonight and it was only by the good will of that cop that all this wasn’t worse.” Her rigid and uncompromising face then began to soften slightly. “I mean… with your diagnosis, you had to know this was coming. And I hate to say this, but you are going to lose things in this process. What’s more, it’s going to be more than just a car. Which is why…” she then turned her monitor around, “your dad and I have agreed to enroll you in Linfield Institute starting next Monday. I quickly flashed to what the cop had told me about his former partner. I would have done anything or gone anywhere else but that place. “But mom!” “No, Pete,” she said, her voice full of remorse for doing this, but a resolution as well that told me that this decision was final. “I’m very sorry about all this… I really am, but we need to face the facts. As it stands today, we know you’re dipping under the age of six. That could mean a lot of things, but if you ever want to get back to who you were… you need to go to at least one of these new institutes. Linfield is the closest.” “I…” Again, for the second time tonight, I was at a loss for words. Instead, I just turned and left the room. I could hear my mom call after me, but considering she only called my name once, I knew she gave it up and just let me go. In my room, determined to leave though, I texted Oliver to pick me up tonight. I didn’t get a reply back. An hour later, though, I reemerged for dinner. It was painfully quiet, with only Amanda really making any noises. So, as soon as I had finished my peas and swallowed the last of my milk, I wanted to be excused. “Can I go now?” From her expression, I could see that my mom wanted to use the moment to confront me, but my dad was a little too quick for her. “Yes, Pete. You can be excused. Just take your dishes into the sink, okay?” I nodded and left. Picking up my plate, I could see my dad give my mom a look I had seen before. Usually, it was telling her not to push things with us kids and to just let things breathe for a second. Regardless, I took the little bit of leeway my dad was giving me and ran up the stairs to my room. Locking the door once more, I pace for a few minutes… desperately trying to clear my head. It wasn’t working… Everything was falling apart. No job, no car, possibly no girlfriend anymore, a diagnosis under six, living with my parents, and maybe even no friends anymore. I tried reaching out to a few of my old buddies, but others getting ARV or those who managed to escape now ghosting me essentially over my own ARV, I was virtually alone in the world and facing these problems like a mouse trying to confront a freight train. Simply put, I was getting a bad feeling that no matter what now, somehow, this wasn’t going to end pretty. Speaking of friends… I checked my phone once more after a few more paces. I had felt it buzz during dinner, and I knew I was going to need a clear head to respond to Oliver’s reply. Either I needed to be clear headed about what the plan was going to be, or I needed to be clearheaded to ensure that I wouldn’t snap suddenly if he rejected me… losing yet another thing in my new life with ARV. So, popping my phone on, I took a breath and opened my messages to read what Oliver had put. I readied myself to tell him to park a few blocks away so that my parents wouldn’t hear a car in front of the house… the same reason I wasn’t using a ride share or whatnot tonight. Unfortunately, peering at his message… it wasn’t the good news I was hoping for. “Pete… sorry its taken a second to respond back to you, but I’m going to have to decline tonight. Get things settled on your front and then maybe we can talk after. O” Few words but they told me everything I needed to know about our friendship. Like two ships passing each other on a stormy sea it seemed now, he had shared his knowledge and friendship with me while I had provided him with the temporary company he needed. Now that I was deemed as going to be too young, I doubted that we would see each other much more now. I might have been jumping the gun a little bit, but tonight, it just felt like another loss. Linfield Institute… The name rang in my head as I sat on my bed, feeling isolated and alone from everyone and everything I had known in my life. Even those that stuck around were treating me differently, but Linfield… Maybe I was just trying to cling onto anything I could… the tiniest piece of scrap of hope, but it felt like a new opportunity and my salvation... regardless of the circumstances of my new company. So, I decided to research the living stuffing out of it. Over the new thirty minutes, if it was on the internet and talking about Linfield, I found it. Right as I was going through the apparent level they offered though; I heard a knock at my locked door. Curious if it was my mom coming to apologize to me or offering comfort in some way, I nearly wanted to ignore it. Going so soon to Linfield, I felt my priorities had to be to focus on that place and what lay in store for my foreseeable future… but when I heard a second knock, this one much weaker, I knew I had to investigate. Walking over and opening the door, I first didn’t see anyone… until I looked down. “Amanda?” I asked, surprised to see her still up. “Is everything okay?” She looked up at me with her big dollish eyes. “Awe you?” she asked sleepily. I blinked one or two times at her, not even believing what I was hearing. I was so used to my younger sister going through life on a whim, that I hadn’t even considered her growing up… or at least becoming more aware of the world around her. It was a good thing for sure, but now… I realized that she could likely feel the tension between my parents and I at the dinner table earlier. “I…” I wanted to lie to her… to tell her that everything was okay, but I knew that was a bold-faced lie. I lied to her occasionally, mostly as a way to protect her from certain truths about the world… like if magic existed or that unicorns were really just in hiding, but this time felt differently. Her newfound lack of ignorance combined with my continued regression felt like a disaster waiting to happen once she realized I had lied to her. So, I switched tactics. “I just had a hard day, Amanda. It’s okay. I’ll be okay.” Amanda, all 40 inches of her little body stood there silently. Her eyes flicked about my taller frame and blinked a few times, almost as if she was trying to filter out a new image of me somehow. “Why?” No hesitation or recoil. She was the curious type, so I knew I should have expected it, but hearing it out loud felt different somehow. I wanted to play dumb, but I knew hard times were coming for the family. I was losing more each day and none of that seemed like it was going to be easy in the slightest. Someone like Amanda, despite her young age, still felt like a person I didn’t want to have as an enemy… especially considering her age. In a few months, I knew she would be turning five. Unless I was extremely lucky, I knew I very well could be the same age as her. I shuddered at the mere thought… but I knew things could also be very much worse than even that. This fact, above almost all others, poisoned my soul even more. “Remember when mommy and daddy got younger?” She thought for a moment at my surrendered question, and then nodded. “Well,” I said with a sharp inhale to prepare myself, “I have what they had too.” “You do?” she asked, her curiosity not backing down for even a second. I nodded and sighed. “I do. Unlike mommy and daddy though, I’m going to get younger. Much younger…” Once again, Molly seemed to be contemplating the universe. I think I would have paid good money to know what was swirling inside her head, but with concerned but maybe even slightly excited eyes, she looked back at me. “Younguh… like me?” It felt like an arrow to my heart. I wanted to tell her no flat out… but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to her about any of this. If she was going to be my equal… and that was a good scenario in all this now, I knew I couldn’t alienate her starting now… no matter how much it hurt. “Yes, Amanda. Maybe like you.” Staring at her bunny slippers for a second, I could tell she was close to getting ready for bed. Feeling overly tired myself, I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer either. Still, Amanda finally spoke back up and even took a step closer to me. “You know…when I have a weal bad day… mommy gives me a hug, an’ evewyfing feel bettuh.” She then paused again and looked at me with eyes full of hope and sympathy. “Do you need a hug, Petey?” I wanted to say no to her. She was my younger sister, and I wasn’t opposed to receiving family hugs… but there was something about the way she put it that put me at unease. Mom gave her hugs to feel better, and maybe it was just my imagination playing, but if she hugged me, by the transitive property… she would be my superior in his case. It felt paranoid, but also that there was a single ounce of truth in it. Still, Amanda seemed itching to give me a hug. Telling her no now would have just upset her feelings. Weighing the options, at the end of the day, my pride and paranoia felt small compared to a kind gesture that she almost seemed to want or need… I couldn’t tell, as well. So, I opened my arms. Needing no further prompting, she ran over to me at my computer desk and launched right into me. Gasping for air for a second, I pulled her up in the air and gave her a tremendous hug. She giggled slightly as her feet dangled in the air and I spun around my chair, and to be honest for a moment at least, nothing else seemed to matter. It was a simple gesture and one I had to admit I needed after today. It was such a small thing, but as her small form wrapped around me, and she whispered. “I love you, big bro…” I couldn’t help but feel a little warmth in my heart. Like only something a child could give you on your worst days, her gift was free but potent.   I sighed and smiled. “I love you too, sis.” Unfortunately, my computer dinged, and I looked up to see that it was just an added feature into the website of a ringing old fashioned school bell. ‘Nice touch…’ But my eyes also wandered over and saw the tab I had opened last… section three, otherwise known as the daycare building. I didn’t like it, but I knew as I hugged Amanda a little closer for my own needed comfort, I had no choice either. Come Monday, I was going to attend Linfield… something that remained to be seen if that was a good or bad thing. For now, I knew only time would tell…
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