How would you reply if an acquaintance notices you wear diapers and asks why?

[Enthusi]

I recently saw a discussion on Reddit  from someone who is considering wearing full time but nervous about an aquaintance or coworker discovering they wear diapers.  There were all the usual tips, most people don’t notice and/or don’t care.  Though i also recommended they have a very short, well rehearsed response in case they ask why, even if you don’t owe anyone an explanation.     
 

So my question is how would you reply if someone inadvertently discovers you wear diapers and has questions.  Obviously it depends on the individual and your relationship with them. And maybe there are different replies for different scenarios.  But in general how do you satisfy their curiosity without drawing further scrutiny? 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

There is a zero chance that this would happen with me. I am NOT an addict, so I have choice over this kind of thing. I also have my life arranged to keep my privacy: "If I did not know you were coming, I do not know you are here so I do not know how you are". My acquaintances know better. That is going around lately to the point where informing of your arrival is just a matter of common courtesy

[Enthusi]

1 hour ago, Little BabyDoll Christine said:

There is a zero chance that this would happen with me. I am NOT an addict, so I have choice over this kind of thing.

I’m not following. What do you mean? 

[spark]

I would casually mention that I need them.  It's not the kind of thing that most people would push for more information.  

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

42 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

I’m not following. What do you mean? 

I only wear judiciously so I would not be wearing if anyone was coming so they will not find out. I am not 24/7. If one where in control of one's action, how could it happen that they would let themselves be in aposition where they would have to explain anything unless some bizarre circustances were at play which would be very unlikely

[Enthusi]

14 minutes ago, Little BabyDoll Christine said:

If one where in control of one's action, how could it happen that they would let themselves be in aposition where they would have to explain anything unless some bizarre circustances were at play which would be very unlikely

I suppose that’s one way to look at it.  But for those of us who wear 24/7 due to choice, need, or both, it’s only a matter of time before someone inadvertently finds out you wear diapers.  Classic is example, one time I left my work bag (which I keep a spare diaper in) somewhere. I got a call from a random coworker in a different department saying they had my bag.  The only way they would’ve known it’s mine is if they opened it and found my name on something.    

 They never asked me about it and I didn’t say anything other than “thanks”. My point is that it’s difficult for you to be 100 percent secret when you wear diapers full time.  

 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Since this is the "desires" and not the "medical" then it is fair to presume one has choice. One is not compelled to wear 24/7, one does so because one WANTS to. a want is not a need. In that case if one, by choice, does things that one feels the need to explain, one has brought that upon oneself, I can think that one does so because one has lost control and feelings have become compulsive, usurping  the higher mental functions. Althernatively, one has habituated where controlling this via higher functions never came up so it was not tried. That is a more nin-addictive process since the issue just never came up consciously to be questioned. However, one is still responsoble becaus, barring physiological issues, one is capable of examinine one's habits and saying "do I want this?" and taking steps to break the habit and bring the behavior under control. That is part of being an adult. To me, if the behavior is something I feel obliged to explain, I want its initiation under my control so I do not get into a bind

Over the past 3-1/2 decades, there has been a competion between two anti-alcoholism treatment systesm. Everyone knows about Alcoholics Anonymous. That is based in religion. Rational-Emotive Theroapy does not hav 1/20th of the press that AA does. It is based in Behavior Modification. AA does not disclose its success rate for external verification. RET has the better record

[Enthusi]

@Little BabyDoll Christine  I follow your logic, but I have a very different take on things based on my own journey.  

It’s true I originally had a choice in the matter but not any more. I can’t stress the amount of dedication it took for me to reverse my physiology but these days I have the bladder control of a 2 year old. Maybe if I tried really hard I could retrain myself but I would be miserable.  So practically speaking I am “stuck” in diapers.  Though I would argue it’s NOT an addiction.  I am happily stuck in diapers. I feel more complete.  I’m fully aware of all the potential problems, including someone unwittingly discovering that I wear diapers.  Though I still prefer being diaper dependent to having bladder control.    

I agree that you shouldn’t be in a position to rationalize your actions because you’re ashamed or embarassed.  And to @spark’s point, nobody outside of medical settings has ever asked me why I wear diapers, and even then most professionals don’t care.   But it’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone discovers you wear diapers and is curious why. 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

6 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

@Little BabyDoll Christine  I follow your logic, but I have a very different take on things based on my own journey.  

It’s true I originally had a choice in the matter but not any more. I can’t stress the amount of dedication it took for me to reverse my physiology but these days I have the bladder control of a 2 year old. Maybe if I tried really hard I could retrain myself but I would be miserable.  So practically speaking I am “stuck” in diapers.  Though I would argue it’s NOT an addiction.  I am happily stuck in diapers. I feel more complete.  I’m fully aware of all the potential problems, including someone unwittingly discovering that I wear diapers.  Though I still prefer being diaper dependent to having bladder control.    

I agree that you shouldn’t be in a position to rationalize your actions because you’re ashamed or embarassed.  And to @spark’s point, nobody outside of medical settings has ever asked me why I wear diapers, and even then most professionals don’t care.   But it’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone discovers you wear diapers and is curious why. 

That is still on you because you at one time, choose and are resposible for the loss of control; even if it now a physical issue now. You brought it on yourself

As to the situation you describe in your second paragraph. I am suprpised at the medical staff, for all they know, there could be a developing underlying condtion that might require attention. As to the odd event of idle curiousity. you owe hin or her no explanation for what you do in your own home; they do not get a vote, being outsiders. Is it any of their busienss? Out in plblic is a different matter, in which case I say, as I always do, "just don't"

As an early member of DPF, I am from the first generation of recognized ABDL. Tommy and others cautioned us to be judicious and not cause a scene and to know when and when not to wear. 24/7 was really not a thing then. Of course, AB of some kind was the overwhelming bulk of the membership with DL being something new, so we had a fixed context that guided when to wear. It seems that both the rise of the DL and generational desensitization has worn that down

[Enthusi]

2 hours ago, Little BabyDoll Christine said:

It seems that both the rise of the DL and generational desensitization has worn that down

I’m guessing I’m not much younger than you.   You know what else has eroded over the decades?  Stigma and shame about being an ABDL. There’s still plenty enough to go around, but younger generations openly embrace diversity, and it’s great.   

So you never wear diapers in public?

 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

37 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

I’m guessing I’m not much younger than you.   You know what else has eroded over the decades?  Stigma and shame about being an ABDL. There’s still plenty enough to go around, but younger generations openly embrace diversity, and it’s great.   

So you never wear diapers in public?

 

No, I do not, nor do I dress as a little girl in public of which diapers are part. I have too much respect for the public space and do not wish to bring back the days of prohibition that ended in the late 1960's. Through which I lived as did Tommy of DPF

[Ferix]

No one has ever asked about my diapers, even when I wore 24/7 while working on an ambulance (I did that for 3 years before leaving that job).

I did have nosey patients ask about my sexuality, my response was always, "it's none of your business". I planned that if anyone asks about my diapers, it would be the same response. I don't see how I owe anyone any more of an explanation than that.

[stevewet]

If challenged I would just tell them the truth I am incontinent. Only once have I had to say something to anyone. I was coming out of a disabled toilet and a lady glared at me and I smiled sweetly at her and said I was sorry she had to wait as I was just changing my incontinence pad. Her face was a picture.

[Little Sherri]

It's an interesting question, and one I have contemplated many times. I have been 24/7 for about 4.5 years, and I know that the odds strongly favour someone around me at some point developing either a suspicion, or confirmation, that my underpants are "unconventional". I'm very discrete about it - I wear lighter-weight diapers in public, I own about 15 t-shirt style onesies, I oversize my shorts and trousers, and I prefer heavier fabrics and overhanging golf shirts, sweaters or jackets. That said, I've found myself in situations where I had no choice but to risk exposure - for example, I ran out to run some errands where I didn't think I'd even have to get out of my car for more than a moment, but then a buddy reached out because the plumbing behind his water softener had exploded, and he needed urgent assistance... NOW.

I'm not a plumber but I am the plumber of our friend group, and this guy and his wife have helped me out many, many times with projects or dog sitting or babysitting. I couldn't leave him hanging. But, I had a t-shirt and shorts on, no onesie. Long story short, I went over there, I had to squat down low behind his water softening and filtration equipment, in his utility room, he was on the other side of me with no vantage point, but then he moved around behind me to shine a light on what I was working on... and I suspected the top of my diaper might have been in the picture. I couldn't do anything about it because my hands were full, and to do so would only have served to draw attention to the area in question. He and I have also shared hotel rooms on trips. If anyone has amassed enough evidence to make an educated guess, it's him. And he has said nothing. Nada. Never even raised an eyebrow. 

My stepdad once commented when we were talking about what kind of adult pull-ups he needed, that he was glad I was helping him with it, because I "know a thing or two about that, eh?"  And my mother-in-law walked across the threshold of my bedroom door while I sat on my bed in a diaper and a t-shirt, and bid us a quick goodnight - my wife had left the door open for a moment. I was seated in a landscape of folded blankets and (if I recall correctly) possibly some piled laundry my wife was sorting, so my MIL may have missed what she was looking at, or, she might not have. She was totally nonchalant about it. I also know that she goes rogue sometimes and starts doing laundry or folding it, even when we ask her not to. I'm careful when I know she's going to be around not to leave any plastic pants or cloth diapers (rare) or onesies (extremely common) in the laundry system, BUT, I have come home from work or a trip to find her unexpectedly at my house, when I haven't an opportunity to "sanitize" the contents of our baskets and equipment yet. 

Finally, I told a good friend of mine that I wear diapers at night, because I was staying with him for a week, and the area where he lives has the most complicated trash collection scheme I have ever dealt with, with penalties for getting it wrong, such that he personally sorts all his outgoing trash... and there was no way I could put a week's worth of diapers in there and not sew confusion. 

All of the above can be boiled down to this: most polite people will never ask. 

THAT said, if I do get asked, I plan to say that I've had an overactive bladder for years and that I am just way, way more comfortable and confident if I know I'm wearing an insurance policy, so to speak, and I can carry on with my day and not worry about it. That should be explanation enough for anyone, even a doctor who isn't my primary care provider. If someone were to become impolite enough to try to push beyond that, I would probably start to get impolite myself. 

[le Hollandais]

I only pad up when I know I'm going to be alone for a day, or two. So I don't think there's going to be much of an opportunity to inform anyone else of my choice in underwear.

[Diaper Duck]

This is the question I ask myself when I am diapered, If it was one of my friends that I trusted and they found out I would just tell them, Other people, no they don't need to know I wear diapers its something that honestly does not need to be mentioned when you first meet someone and they notice.

[fixitboy]

The older you are the less likely anyone will question medical need.    

[spark]

2 hours ago, fixitboy said:

The older you are the less likely anyone will question medical need.    

Yes, that is true.   There is also an element of the older you are, the less you give sh!t about what other people think.

I think it depends on the level of companionship.   Casual acquaintances wouldn't say anything, unless they have the mentality of a 12-year-old.   And I don't care what 12-year-olds say, because they are stupid.   The same is true if you have the mentality of one.

The issue might come up if it is a closer friend, and that might cause them to be concerned about your health.   But they won't be interested in the details. 

 

[stevewet]

I honestly do not care what others think. I used to be paranoid when I first had to wear nappies all the time. Now 10 years later. I just don't care. If people notice then so what. My wife used to spare my feelings and tell me no one can tell. Eventually she admitted my nappy was sometimes quite obvious. By this time I wasn't bothered. 

[Hannah YMS]

No acquaintance of mine has ever noticed. Mostly because acquaintances of mine are never in a position to know or care.

[cathdiap]

I agree with @Ferix on this one. I'd let them know it's none of their damn business by asking them why they bother me with such a ridiculous question. By doing this I'm leaving everything related to diapers in the middle, I'm not lying and I'm rightly telling them to respect my privacy.

[Moochie]

Since this is the Incontinent section of DailyDiapers, I think I would give a quick medical explanation and leave it at that.

[babykeiff]

If someone dares to ask me about my choice of underwear, I say to them this:-

"Do you enjoy coitus, and don't leave out any details?" and while they are standing dumbfounded and embarrased, I continue, "actually, it is none of my business... as is my undergarments none of yours"

I said this to one person and she ran off embarrassed unable to tell another of her stupidity.

 

[JDCH]

I am of an age where it is not unexpected that people, male and female, are more likely to have bladder issues. That would be my fall back position.

I tend to prefer plain, medical diapers with no prints, so I wouldn't have to deal with being seen in something with barnyard animals, etc...

Depending on who asked, I would probably just say "Prostate issues." and be done with it.

[~Brian~]

in my mind, if we're just talking about someone who I'm dealing with, and I'm talking about support people: all of the support people that need to know of my incontinence and my use of diapers.  Any of those who I choose to tell, or those I ask that I trust when I made the decision or was trying to make that final decision already know anyway. If I'm talking about a medical situation, it is part of my medical records and it is well documented that I am incontinent, that I use diapers, and any one who has access to the my chart system in the hospital, that has a bonafide need to know can find out that simply by logging themselves in as a medical provider and then going into my medical records and looking.

If somebody asks me, it's not that hard, because most of the people that would ask, I would probably disclose to if there was need to. The problem that we run into is there a lot of people around that don't need to know something, and it's always been my position that if somebody really wanted to be a asshat, And they knew of your incontinence or your love of diapers or your use of diapers or whatever, they could use that against you, and that is one of the worst things that you can do to a friend or someone who you trust, to have that person you trust use it against you. If I don't want to tell someone that I'm incontinent, I don't tell them that. Reason is is because it's none of their business! The people that need to know about My incontinence, my use of diapers, or my lifestyle, I only disclose what is necessary, I don't go overboard! If I was talking to some one on DD for example I could end up going further, but there's no reason for me to disclose information that some one does not need to know, hence they can't use it against me as a way to Mess around with me.

Most people that deal with those that are disabled understand that disability imparts that there are multiple things that could be causing a disability, and there could be what they call a master disability, and each disability that you have that is a underlying disability or underlying medical condition could be classified under that. We all know that cerebral palsy is to do with the brain, and it is to deal with neurological things, so because cerebral palsy is neurological and is something that is well known to be one of a whole host of disabilities or subsets, and there is always a range of severity for each of the disabilities including CP, some people may end up not needing diapers but they have cerebral palsy, some people need wheelchairs and they have cerebral palsy, some people may not need a walker but they might need an assistive device of some sort, but the idea is if you're disabled, and it's well documented, most people will say oh you have cerebral palsy? And I'll say yes I do!

The severity of your CP diagnosis could be a reason that you are using diapers, or that you're incontinent whether you are functionally incontinent or totally incontinent due to your disability. Being disabled, many people probably already assumed that if you're disabled to the level where you're in a wheelchair sometimes you wear diapers because you can't get to the bathroom fast enough or because your CP is so severe that you need help to be able to use the bathroom, or you don't have the ability to control your bladder or bowels. My take is if I have friends that are disabled, I know they're disabled, and I'll ask them questions about their disability so that I can learn, and if I find out some information that says they're in diapers or they use diapers or any type of supportive device or an augmentative communication device, that's just part of what is going on. I would never put an individual that uses diapers in a position where they would feel uncomfortable or they would feel like they were Embarrassed, or otherwise made to feel different uneasy or to use anything that I learn about a friend that is disabled in a way that it can be used against them.

Wearing diapers is a choice, and sometimes it's a necessity. What you do when you deal with a person that is disabled, as far as what you say to an individual, what you do with Information you learn about someone's disability, or what you deal with when you're dealing with a person that needs special assistance, is in my mind something that most times is no big deal, but there are certain things that should be kept in confidence, which is why a person that is a caregiver or a support person will not disclose anything like that unless it is necessary for the performance of their duties, and will not be disclosed to those who do not need to know. Wearing diapers to me is like an assistant: for years I've been trying to fight what it is that I am or that I was, and each time that I tried to fight it, I'd end up having a severe problem because I wasn't winning the war, and it was continually obvious that I was fighting because of the fact that I didn't want people to know how I felt or why I felt that way, and I needed to know why I felt that way, while keeping that under my hat. People who go around disclosing things that don't need to be disclosed do so because they think they can get something on you and then try to embarrass you or make you feel uneasy! That is very very unprofessional, and the lowest things that someone can do, especially if they want to get something on you or they use it as a weapon against you for their own greedy purposes!

I would not want to change anything that's happened so far. ever since I decided to go to wear diapers 24/7, my life has been a lot better, I don't worry about things as much, and I'm not hurting myself, and not only does it deal with my incontinence issues but it also deals with the feelings And urges that I've always had, because it deals with them in an appropriate way, and I don't have to hide what I am doing any more, because I'm incontinent, i'm medically incontinent, and I've made the decision because it's a lot easier for me. Disabled, you have to make decisions that make it easy for you or make things easier for you. I'm all for doing that, and I might as well admit right now what I am incontinent diaper lover, because that's what I always was, it's just that I always had to hide it, and now I don't have to any more: so there's nothing to be afraid of, and I could walk around here in a diaper and no one would know the difference, but I would feel a lot more confident and I feel a lot better about myself. If someone finds out I'm incontinent so be it, but if they don't need to know, I'm not going to go out of my way to tell them that. There's no reason for me to do that if there is no reason for them to know, because if it doesn't affect them, they don't need to know.

It also means that you have to be responsible what you're doing as well. Not telling somebody something that you need to disclose as one thing that you need to do if it's necessary. You need to disclose, not disclosing could be considered to be a problem in some cases. However, as I said if someone doesn't need to know, disclosure is not necessary. If somebody wants you to know, they can disclose to whomever they want, but as I said You have to be careful what you disclose to whom because somebody can be a real knucklehead if they get information that they think they can use against you, and they do. I've had that happen to me on a few occasions, and I was outed by another agency which used to assist me, which I fired because of that disclosure. If anyone's gonna disclose it, it's gonna be me. The only other reason that something would be disclosed would be under the mandatory reporter, and the only way that something would be disclosed like that is if my health safety welfare or well being were in danger, and then and only then could stuff like that be disclosed.

Brian