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Greetings, friends. I know there are a few folks on DD who enjoy my Ebooks so I like to post from time to time when I release something new. Here's a taste of Chapter One of my new novella available on Amazon Kindle. CLICK HERE for more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CQMHDLN CHAPTER I: NEW HOUSE, NEW RULES Cody sat silently in the passenger seat of the car, staring out distantly at the road in front of them, illuminated by the car headlights. The slender 19 year old felt wrestless, awkward, and even a little nervous. While he tried to tell himself that he was an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of himself, he certainly didn’t feel that way in his current predicament. He cringed as his mother began speaking, breaking the silence between them. “So just remember that Miss Karla is in charge while I’m away. I want you to be on your best behavior for her, okay?” said the middle aged woman in the driver’s seat. He didn’t dignify his mother’s comment with a response. “You know Cody, I wouldn’t be going on this trip if it wasn’t really important for my career. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity for me.” she said. “I just don’t understand why I can’t stay at home this summer.” he whined. “Cody, we’ve been over this. It would be one thing if I was going to be out of town for the weekend but I’m going to be out of the country for over two months. I’m sorry but I’m just not comfortable leaving you alone for that long.” Cody groaned, rolling his eyes. He stared resentfully at her for a few seconds… her long blonde hair tied in a bun, the crow’s feet and mascara around her bright blue eyes. While Cody knew she didn’t care much about abandoning himat some random lady’s house for a few months, he had to admit he was going to miss her. That fact alone made him feel like even more of a child. In truth, he should have been used this by now. For most of Cody’s life, his mom hadn’t been around. Ever since she had divorced his dad when he was little; he’d gotten used to being dropped off at daycare centers, babysitters, and relatives’ houses. Naturally, his mom loved him but she probably loved her career even more. He accepted that. Honestly, it didn’t matter any more now that he was old enough to move out and be on his own. That was one thing that Cody couldn’t blame his mom for. He still lived with her and had yet to find a place of his own. Jacob, a friend of his from high school, said they would get a place over the summer but that entire plan had fallen through when Jacob got fired from Marco’s Pizzeria. That meant Cody was stranded living under his mother’s roof until he could find another potential roommate to move in with. “Mom, look, I’m adult. I don’t need you or anyone else taking care of me. It’s not like you’re ever around anyway.” Cody said. “Well, I’m certainly glad I was around last month when I got home from work early.” Cody groaned, squirming a little in his seat. The entire conversation was making him uncomfortable and on top of that, he now felt the urge to pee. A few tiny drops dribbled into the fabric of his cotton boxer-briefs as he squeezed his legs together. “You told me you didn’t smoke pot and then I came back to my homeand guess what I found? My son and his friend sitting on my couch, smoking a giant bong.” “That was just the one time.” Cody said. “Well regardless, you lied to me and you went behind my back. If you want me to treat you like an adult, you need to start acting like one. I can’t leave you at home alone if I think you’ll be having wild parties every night and getting stoned every day. You’re 19 years old and you need to start thinking about your future. Maybe living with Miss Karla will give you a little direction in life.” Cody sighed. He was essentially done with this conversation. Considering they weren’t more than a few minutes away from their destination, it wasn’t like he was going to have any chance of persuading his mom to see things his way. “I know you’re not crazy about the idea of staying at her house all summer but she really thinks you’re a sweet kid. Its not like she’s a stranger. She’s known you since you were a toddler.” his mom said. “Whatever.” he muttered. “And if you need help um… getting ready for bed, it’ll probably be good to have someone there to give you a hand.” she added. “You mean she knows about my…” “Yes Cody, she knows that you wet the bed sometimes and you wear diap, um, protection at night. I’ve known this woman for 16 years. Did you really think your nighttime problem hadn’t come up in conversation?” “I guess I should have figured.” Cody said, cringing. At least his mother had remembered to use the more diplomatic word “protection”. Cody had wet the bed for years but recently, it had started to decline to only about three nights a week. He was hoping that it would soon stop altogether. Doctors had told him and his mom that he would outgrow it… but it seemed like just one of the many ghosts of childhood that followed him along wherever he went. He didn’t want to have to live with his mom but there he was. He didn’t want to have to wear adult diapers for bedwetting but he did. (At his mother’s insistence.) He didn’t want to be dropped off at his mom’s friend’s house for the next two months yet there he was. His mother pulled the parking break as their car came to a stop. “Cody, I really am going to miss you. I just want you to be a successful adult. You know I love you… right?” Looking at his mom, Cody saw her honesty. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her son… she was just obsessed with her career as a television newscaster. Ultimately, Cody couldn’t be mad at her for leaving. He was 19 years old and what full grown adult would resent his mother for taking a business trip to advance her career? It wasn’t as if he neededher to stay. “I love you too.” Cody mumbled. “Let’s go inside. Miss Karla said she has a surprise for you.” his mom smiled. Cody resented that his mother still referred to this woman as ‘Miss Karla’. It was absurd considering that Karla was her first name. When Cody was two years old, Karla worked at the daycare center where his mom dropped him off every day. At 5 years old, Cody started going to another daycare closer to his house but his mom kept in touch with Karla. While Cody did have some obscure memories of the woman from early childhood, mostly she was just in the background of Cody’s life occasionally: a guest at a Christmas party, a woman that his mom went shopping with, and even someone who occasionally sent him a birthday card. In truth though, Cody didn’t know much about her and he had never cared to learn. Now he was going to be spending the summer at her house, the whole situation just struck him as strange. If nothing else though, the home that they found themselves walking up towards was fairly large and affluent considering Karla and her daughter were the only ones who now resided there. Cody had gone to high school with Karla’s daughter and seen her in the halls but they had likely never said a word to each other. He had wanted to introduce himself but was always too shy. In a school of 3,000 kids, it was easy for them to remain strangers, especially considering how shy Cody was. Walking towards the house, he knew he would have to find a bathroom very soon but he could certainly hold it for 5 more minutes if need be. Cody rolled his suitcase up the broad driveway while his mother carried a large paper bag and a gym bag beside him. He knew what was inside both of those bags: what his mother referred to as his ‘nighttime supplies’. When they rang the doorbell, the large front door swung open in just a few seconds. “Susan! Come in, come in. How are you? Excited for your trip?” Karla said with a broad smile, pulling Cody’s mother in for a hug. There she was. Standing about 4 inches taller than Cody, Karla had the same familiar haircut he remembered: a short, brown pixie cut parted to one side. In Cody’s eyes, such a haircut seemed fitting for a woman in her mid-40s in contrast to his mother’s long, flowing blonde locks. Karla’s silver nose ring shined under the light of the main foyer. “Thank you again for agreeing to let Cody stay with you over the summer.” “Yeah, absolutely. We’re happy to have him.” Karla said. “Cody? Say hi to Miss Karla.” his mom prompted him. “Hi.” he said timidly. “Hello, Cody. Wow, you look so grown up.” Karla said, pulling him in for a warm hug. Cody didn’t feel very grown up considering he was essentially getting dropped off at a babysitter’s house. His current outfit wasn’t very adult either: a baggy Pink Floyd t shirt with a hole in the sleeve and a pair of jeans. Returning Karla’s hug, he got a whiff of her perfume. Somehow, her smell gave him goose bumps and almost rendered him speechless. It caused another tiny, involuntary spurt of pee to release into his underwear. Cody couldn’t remember the last time Karla had hugged him but smelling her now almost seemed to bring back memories of his early childhood. It was a clean scent like the smell of soap mixed with the aroma of some mature, feminine perfume and while he couldn’t place it, the scent was indeed familiar and it somehow made him feel… safe. “Here’s a pack of his um, protection.” Cody’s mother said, handing Karla the bulging paper bag, inside of which was a full package of Cody’s disposable adult diapers. “Okay, great.” “And here are his nighttime supplies: babay powder, diaper rash cream, lotion, and some baby wipes. Its all in there.” his mother said. Cody bit his lip. In his mom’s hurried efforts to casually list what the gym bag contained, she had levied several blows to her son’s self esteem. Yet Karla didn’t act as though Cody’s mother had said anything out of the ordinary. “I went online with the medical supply company where I usually order his diapers and I changed the delivery address. So about every other week, you should receive a new package.” Cody sighed as she used the ‘D’ word. He knew that his mother hadn’t done it on purpose to embarrass him but occasionally, when she was in a hurry, she let it slip. It was as though, in his mother’s mind, she knew that he wore diapers and calling them anything else was just a patronizing attempt to protect his dignity. “Well Susan, I’d invite you to come in for a cup of coffee but I think if you stay any longer, you might miss your flight.” Karla said. Cody’s mother glanced at her watch. He wished she would just leave already. Cody wanted to say goodbye to her… but he wanted to use the bathroom even more at that moment. “You’re right. Well, you have my email and you have my cell phone number. Call or text me any time, day or night. Don’t worry about the time change. If you need to get a hold of me, just call.” “I’m sure we’ll be just fine.” Karla smiled. “Okay Cody, I’ll call you as soon as I can. Be good for Miss Karla. I love you.” she said, pulling him in for a hug. “I love you too.” Cody said. With that, his mom left. “Well Cody, do you want to come with me and we’ll take your stuff to your room?” Karla asked. “Actually, could I uh, use the bathroom?” he asked. “Of course, sweetie. Down the hall, first door on the left.” Leaving his suitcase, he wasted no time moving at a brisk pace. Shutting the door behind him, Cody frantically unbuttoned his jeans to slip his penis out. With a heavy sigh of relief, he peed in the toilet. A few seconds later, he found himself frowning as he felt the dampness of his boxer-briefs but felt reassured when he ran his hand over the front of his jeans. They were totally dry. Exiting the bathroom, he wandered into the kitchen where Karla was standing with the two bags in either hand. She was wearing a green, button down blouse with the sleeves rolled up. On her arm, she had a tattoo of some Japanese characters. Funny, he never imagined Karla was cool enough to have a tattoo. He could only hope it showed she was a lenient, easy-going person who wouldn’t be a pain in the ass to live with. A pair of tight, black slacks hugging her full hips completed her outfit. Glancing down at her black socks, he could see that she wasn’t wearing any heels. Sadly, their height difference was very much real… and it made Cody feel even more like a small child who had been turned over to his babysitter, just as he had been many times in his earlier life. He glanced at the kitchen counter and noticed two pizza boxes. “I ordered Canadian bacon and pineapple. Your favorite.” Karla smiled. “Really? How did you know?” “Your mom told me. I figured it would be a nice way to help you feel welcome.” Karla said. “Thanks.” Cody said, smiling slightly. “I know this is all a bit of an adjustment but I care about you and your mom a lot and well, you may not remember it but I used to take care of you all the time when you were a toddler. You’re practically family.” Cody blushed a little but said nothing. He was trying to embrace adulthood or at the very least, to escape from his childhood past. That wouldn’t be easy while living in the home of his former daycare provider. Even so, Karla was acting as kind and friendly as could be expected and he couldn’t exactly reject her affection. “Come on, let’s take your stuff to your room.” Karla said. “Okay, sure.” Following Karla up the long, carpeted stairs; she offered him a small tour. “My bedroom is at the far end of the hall there. This is Lexy’s room. This is the hall bathroom and here’s your bedroom.” Cody furrowed his brow as he saw the room, his heart slowly sinking into his stomach. “Before you say anything, I know this is probably isn’t exactly your style but my nephew from Boston visits us a few times a year and we usually keep this room for him. He’s 8 years old. Don’t worry though, I washed all of the bedding and this will be your roomthis summer.” Karla said. Cody frowned but tried not to be too critical. After all, the room was mostly normal, though a few childish features still stood out. There were colorful Star Wars sheets on the bed and light blue pillow cases on all the pillows. A large plastic bin in the corner of the room was filled with various action figures. The largest ones seemed to be Transformers. The door to the closet was open and while it appeared to be mostly empty, there was a Teddy Bear sitting on the top shelf. “You’ve got a laundry hamper by the door here and a trash can in the corner there.” Cody noticed that the metal, cylindrical trashcan in the corner had a lid operated by a foot pedal, much like the one he had in his own room. Before he could say anything, Karla pulled a blue package of adult diapers out from the paper bag, placing them on top of the dresser and setting the gym bag down next to it. “All of the drawers in the dresser are empty so organize your stuff however you like it. I’ll leave you to get settled but don’t forget, we’ve got pizza downstairs.” Karla said. As she walked past him, he got another whiff of her scent and once again, Cody couldn’t decipher the reaction that it seemed to provoke inside of him. Watching as she walked down the hall, Cody noted that she had a few curves but was ultimately in pretty good shape. She just seemed to dress modestly. She was older but looked pretty good for her age. Was he attracted to Karla? No, that was ridiculous. She was one of his mom’s friends and the woman who took care of him when he was a baby! She was far from being his type. Cody never had much luck with girls in high school but the girls he did find himself interested in were his own age. He’d had a huge crush on one girl in his senior class. She was short, thin, with long black hair flowing down her shoulders. Cody had asked her out and she had rejected him in the bitchiest way possible. So essentially, that girl was the polar opposite of Karla, both mentally and physically, in age and in temperament. No, he wasn’t sexually attracted to Karla at all. After all, the woman was about the same age as his mom! But if he was going to be living with Karla for the summer, he had to admit that he liked the way she smelled and… that she was undeniably a nice, caring person. There was nothing wrong with that. Anyway, Cody chalked up these strange feelings to the fact that he was tired and stressed out. It would be better if he could just put these thoughts out of his mind and eat some pizza. Walking downstairs and into the kitchen, he licked his lips when he saw a slice of pizza already sitting on a plate at the table. Yet as he prepared to take a seat, Karla placed her hands on her hips, looking at him sternly. “Cody sweetie, we need to talk about your bathroom habits.” Karla said bluntly. “My… what?” Cody asked, nervous that she might be referencing his bedwetting. “Your bathroom habits. When you used the downstairs bathroom in the hall earlier, you… didn’t lift up the seat.” “Oh, oh, I’m sorry.” “And it doesn’t look like you cleaned up the toilet seat after you were finished either.” Cody blushed again, feeling embarrassed by his oversight. This sort of thing happened at home but it was quite different to realize that he had done it in a stranger’s house. “Sorry.” he said quietly. “I cleaned it up this time but in the future, you need to pay closer attention to that, okay?” Karla said, raising her eyebrows sternly at him. “Okay.” Cody said, pulling out his chair. “Did you wash your hands?” Karla asked. “Huh? Just now?” “When you used the bathroom earlier?” “Oh um…” “Why don’t you go and wash your hands? You should be doing that every time you use the bathroom too.” she chided. As he walked back to the bathroom, Cody felt uneasy. Karla’s rebuke of him had been gentle but firm and he made a mental note to be more careful in the future. While his own mother had complained about his ‘bathroom habits’ once or twice in the past, she had never done so with quite the same attitude that Karla had just used. Even so, it was a minor hiccup in a night that otherwise seemed to be progressing just fine. A minute later, he returned to the table, taking a few bites of pizza. Karla pulled out a chair, taking a seat across from him. “How is it?” Karla asked. “Great.” he said, wiping his chin on his shirt sleeve. “Thanks again.” “Of course. Now Cody, like I said we’re happy to have you here over the summer but your mom left me in charge so I think there are a few simple house rules we should go over.” “Okay?” “These are the same rules I expect Lexy to follow too. They’re pretty basic. If I’m talking to you, I expect you to listen. I expect us all to be honest with each other. If you are going out with friends, I expect you to let me know beforehand… because I’m responsible for you now. I expect you to be polite and have good manners. Having good manners means cleaning up after yourself, like putting your plate in the dishwasher when you’re done eating. Or, in your case, it means lifting up the toilet seat when you use the bathroom and washing your hands afterwards.” “Um… okay.” Cody said. It wasn’t like Karla was saying anything unreasonable but her strict attitude just made Cody feel intimidated. His own mother was never around much when he was growing up and when she came home from work, she was usually too tired to order him around… let alone punish him for anything. “One more thing. You and Lexy are both under 21, so I do not allow drugs or alcohol in this house under any circumstances. Do you understand?” Karla said, raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, of course.” he mumbled. Then they heard the front door open. A young blonde girl walked into the kitchen, hair tied in a cute ponytail, donning a pair of tight, high waisted jeans and an orange t shirt that showed off her midriff. It was Lexy. Cody briefly made eye contact with her before averting his gaze back down at the table. “Hey, sorry I’m late for dinner. Lori and I were studying.” the girl said, dropping her backpack beside the kitchen counter and grabbing a slice of pizza. “Studying? Or hanging out at the coffee shop?” Karla said, raising her eyebrows. “Well, we study therea lot too.” “We’re still waiting to hear back from a few schools that you applied to. This is your senior year. I want you to finish strong.” Karla said. “Mom, I’ve got like a 3.5 GPA. Relax.” Lexy said with an eyeroll. “Well anyway, do you remember Cody?” Lexy looked at him curiously as if trying to remember him. “I don’t know? I think we had Geometry together, right?” Lexy said. “Geology.” “Yeah, cool… what’s up?” “Not much.” he mumbled. “Are you a junior?” she asked. “No, uh, I graduated.” While Lexy probably hadn’t intended to insult him, her question stung. Cody thought he looked like an average 19 year old but his skinny physique and stubborn inability to grow much facial hair probably made him look a little younger than 19. Like all attractive girls, Cody somehow felt less sure of himself with Lexy in the room. The fact that he was one year older than her and had been out of high school for a year should have given him some confidence. It didn’t. He felt just as awkward as he had in Geology class when he couldn’t find the guts to introduce himself… even though their mothers were best friends. Lexy was undeniably sexy and with her mother in the room, it just made things more awkward. Not only that but he wondered just how much Karla had told her 18 year old daughter about his nighttime problem. “Okay well, I gotta go study. I’ve got finals next week.” Lexy said, grabbing her backpack. “Just make sure you’re not spending too much time talking to your friends online and taking selfies while you’re ‘studying’, missy!” Karla shouted as her daughter ascended the stairs. Cody was grateful he wasn’t in school anymore. If he had been, he could easily imagine Karla chiding him to go to his room and do his homework. Finishing his last bite of pizza, Cody figured he would attempt to make conversation. “So uh… do you still work at a daycare or whatever?” Karla laughed quietly to herself. “No sweetie, I got my Masters in early childhood education 10 years ago after I got divorced. I miss working with little ones but now I do administrative work for a private school. Its great because I usually get to work from home.” “Oh, nice.” Cody mumbled. “I do have a meeting to go to tomorrow though so if you sleep late, just remember that there’s cereal in the pantry there and fruit salad in the fridge if you get hungry, okay?” “Okay, thanks.” Glancing at the silver watch around her wrist, Karla pursed her lips. “It looks like its almost 9:00 so why don’t you go upstairs and I’ll be up in a few minutes to help you get ready for bed.” Karla said matter of factly. “Um… what?” Cody asked, feeling nervous. “Your mom said she wants you to get ready for bed around 9:00 on weeknights.” “Well, yeah but I can do that on my own.” Cody said defensively. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, sweetie. Look, I know this is a little embarrassing for you but your mom told me that two weeks ago, you had a little trouble taping yourself up and when you woke up, your bed was soaked. Cody blushed but said nothing… he was now realizing just how much his mother had shared with this woman about his embarrassing problem. “So your mom told me that ever since then, she’s been checking the tapes on your diaper.” Karla continued. “Well, y-yeah. She checks them sometimes but… I can put them on by myself. I don’t even have accidents that often anymore.” “Well, you have accidents at least a few times a week. That’s why you need to wear diapers.” Karla said. “They’re called p-p-protection.” Cody said, nervously trying to correct her. “Yes, you wear diapers for protection. Specifically, you wear them to protect your bed sheets and your mattress and I’d like to keep the bed in my guest bedroom clean and dry.” Clearly, Karla hadn’t gotten the message that his diapers were supposed to be called ‘protection’. Either that or she was being deliberately difficult to put him in his place. “So I don’t want to take any chances. Besides, I think you’ll be a lot more comfortable if you know for sure that you’ll be waking up in a dry bed. So why don’t you go and brush your teeth and I’ll be up to help you get ready in a minute.” “But why can’t I just -” “Cody… I’ve tried to make you feel welcome here. But remember what I said: when I’m talking, I expect you to listen. You’re not listening to me. You’re arguing with me. For the next two and a half months, I’m going to be in charge. Do you understand?” Karla said sternly. Frowning and staring at the table, Cody nodded his head. “Okay, so why don’t you go upstairs and brush your teeth. I’ll be right there.” As Karla took his plate, he slowly left the kitchen walked upstairs, retrieving his toothbrush from his suitcase and doing as he was told. The hall bathroom was quite clean but was also fairly cluttered: a curling iron, tweezers, and countless makeup supplies covered the counter… all of them, no doubt, belonged to Lexy. Nervous as he was, Cody was proud that he had remembered to pee one last time before returning to his room. He resented his mother’s 9:00 p.m. rule about his ‘protection’ for many reasons but most of all because once he was taped into a disposable diaper, it was pretty difficult to get himself untaped and get it back on properly. Ironically, his diaper had leaked in bed on that one occasion precisely because he had to take it off to go to the bathroom earlier in the evening! It was unfair to say the least. Noticing a few drops of pee on the toilet seat, Cody was quick to tear of a piece of toilet paper to wipe it off before going to the sink to wash his hands. Returning to his room, Cody begrudgingly looked at the large, blue plastic package labeled “INCONTINENCE BRIEFS”. It seemed to be staring back at him in defiance. Reluctantly, he tore open the package and slid out a shiny, white folded rectangle. Before he did anything else, he pushed the door closed. He could just barely hear the muffled sound of Lexy talking on the phone in her room and he couldn’t afford to take any chances. If she was unaware of his nighttime problem, then he wanted to keep it that way. Slowly he unfolded the thick, crinkling garment in his hands. If he could just get the fit right, Karla would only need to take a quick glance at the tapes before she left him alone. Cody groaned though as he heard footsteps on the stairs. His door, which hadn’t been fully closed to begin with, swung open. “Oh, you’re getting everything ready. Excellent.” she said, bending over to unzip the gym bag on the floor. One by one, Karla unloaded his infantile supplies onto the dresser, including the light blue, plastic tub of baby wipes. Walking up to him with her sleeves rolled up and a bottle of baby powder in hand, she took the opened diaper from him. “Okay, why don’t you take off your pants for me and get situated on the bed here.” Karla said. “W-w-what?” Cody said, confused and uneasy. “Take off your pants.” she said, pulling out a towel from the closet and laying it out on the edge of the bed. “I thought I was gonna… you know, put this on and then you were going to just check the tapes?” “Cody, this really doesn’t have to be that difficult. I’m here because I need to make sure this is done properly. Now, you know you need to wear your diaper tonight. Its 9:15. No more stalling. I know you’re embarrassed but the sooner we start, the sooner we can get this over with. Now take off your pants.” Cody was now worried that perhaps Lexy might be able to hear their conversation so he slowly slid down his pants in front of the assertive, middle aged woman in front of him. “Underpants too. Come on.” Karla said, failing to understand his hesitation. He tried to cover himself with his shirt as he slid his damp, navy blue boxer-briefs down to the floor. “You know Cody, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve diapered you.” Karla said, looking somewhat amused. Cody thought her comment was ridiculous. Still, it was technically true. This woman had probably diapered him dozens of times as a toddler… and according to his own mother, he wore diapers until he was four years old, so she had plenty of experience. Even so, he was an adult now. He didn’t need anyone to diaper him… so why was he agreeing to this? “Okay, lay down. Grab your knees and pull em’ to your chest for me.” Karla said. Cody reached out for the diaper in her hand. “But can I just do this myself? ” “Cody… on the bed. Now.” Karla said, raising her eyebrows and pulling the diaper just out of his reach. The stern look and the sound of her voice struck fear into Cody’s heart. Half naked, he lay down on the bed and grabbed his knees without another word. Had Karla ever used that tone with him before? Naturally, Cody had only the most vague memories of meeting her in daycare… but Karla probably remembered everything clearly. It was bizarre to think that she might be using the very same tactics to deal with him now as she had when he was a toddler… and worse yet, that they might be working! He couldn’t believe his bare butt was now on display for his woman. It was beyond awkward. If nothing else, the fact that he was holding his knees against his chest meant that she couldn’t get a good look at his manhood. Before another thought could enter his mind, he felt a tickling sensation on his bare butt followed by a familiar aroma that he hadn’t smelled in years: baby powder. While his mother had purchased baby powder for him plenty of times, he had never used it. Apart from his mom recently double checking the tapes and the fit of his diaper, she hadn’t done much else. Now Cody became crestfallen as he realized he was being diapered like a baby and was powerless to stop it. The infantile aroma of the powder mixed with the mature scent of Karla’s perfume. Overwhelmed, he almost felt light headed. “Okay, you can put your butt down now.” Karla said casually. As Cody’s rear end came to rest on the padding of the diaper, he instantly became mortified that Karla could see his genitals but with a quick sprinkling of power, she swiftly pulled the front panel into place. Slowly and carefully, she taped the garment up nice and snug, smoothing out each tape. “There ya go. All done. Now was that so horrible?” she asked. Sitting up with a crinkle, Cody was speechless. He didn’t even feel embarrassed anymore, just numb. Karla said something to him but he didn’t hear the words. The whole scenario had just been too surreal for him to accept it. “Hello? Earth to Cody.” she said, waving her hand in front of his face. “Huh?” he said, looking up at her. “I said stand up for me. I just want to make sure that we got a good fit.” Cody obediently rose to his feet. Karla slid her two fingers into the elastic leg band of the diaper, just a few centimeters away from his genitals. He flinched as he felt her long, feminine nails grazing his bare thigh inside his diaper before she withdrew her fingers. “Okay, looks good. Does it feel okay?” Cody just nodded. “Great well, don’t forget to throw your diaper away in the garbage can there tomorrow and I’ll see you when I get home from work.” she smiled. Cody nodded again. Before leaving the room, Karla glanced down at his boxer-briefs on the floor, grabbing them and walking towards the hamper. It was then that she looked curiously at the underwear, feeling them in the palms of her hands. “Cody sweetie, did you have an accident earlier tonight?” “No.” he mumbled. “Then why are these so damp?” she asked. “Well, I guess I wet like, just a little. It was a long car ride over… My pants are completely dry.” he said defensively. “I guess your mom did mention you have accidents during the day on rare occasions.” Karla said, underwear still in hand. “I uh, don’t anymore. I haven’t done it during the day since like, last summer when I had an accident.” Cody said. “And tonight?” Karla said. “Well, that wasn’t really an accident. I made it to the bathroom. My pants are totally dry. See?” Cody now picked up his jeans, trying to show Karla the evidence. “Mhmm.” Karla said, unconvinced. “Well, I’m going to take these to the laundry room. During the day while you’re awake, just know that there is a bathroom right next door to your room and one just down the hall from the kitchen as well.” “Okay.” Cody so badly wanted to defend himself and interrupt Karla’s patronizing lecture but he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on in this discussion. He was standing in front of her wearing only a t shirt and a disposable diaper while he held a pair of his damp underwear in her hands. How could he possibly hope to declare his adulthood? “So if you feel like you have to go, you need to go to one of those two bathrooms as soon as you feel the urge, okay?” Karla said. Cody nodded. “Okay well, I’ll be awake for another hour if you need anything. Sweet dreams, okay?” Karla said with a polite smile, closing the door behind her. Frowning to himself, Cody tried to ignore all of the strange emotions pushing their way into his mind. At first he tried to sit back down on the bed but as he looked down, the sight of his padded crotch was just too much. Standing up, he unzipped his suitcase to retrieve a pair of sweatpants. Even in the privacy of his own room, there was no reason he needed to waddle around with his diaper on display. In his current outfit, the sight of his own reflection in the mirror was enough to damage his self esteem. Pulling on some pants made him feel a lot better, as if he got someof his dignity back. Slipping his laptop out of his suitcase, he figured a computer game might help to take his mind off things. Then he flinched at the sound of a knock on the door. Slowly, he cracked it open. It was Lexy. “Hey, so since we’re going to have to share a bathroom, do you think it’s too much to ask for you to flush the toilet after you pee?” Lexy said, looking mildly annoyed. “Oh, I uh, I’m sorry.” With that, she walked away. Cody spent the rest of the night in his room playing a game on his computer, which honestly suited him just fine. Inevitably though, some time after 1:00 in the morning, he got tired and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over his head, his diaper crinkling as he rolled over and tried to get comfortable. He had to admit, it was a pretty decent bed… perhaps even cozier than the futon in his room at home. It was nearly noon when he awoke the following day. As he climbed out of bed, it was rather obvious that his heavy, saturated diaper was sagging underneath his pants. Cody was, of course, disappointed that he’d wet his diaper but he figured it wasn’t all that surprising. Stress always increased his nighttime accidents and the previous night had been stressful for so many reasons. Did Karla really plan to diaper him like a baby every single night? It all seemed so surreal, not to mention unfair. He was starting to feel more and more ambivalent about staying at her house all summer. Untaping his diaper, he pressed his foot on the pedal of the trash can, the lid opened, and he dropped it in with a thud. With his skin still feeling a little damp, he slid some boxer-briefs on, reclaiming his adulthood. Pulling out his phone, he texted his friend Jacob: “Wanna hang out tonight?” It was Friday night. Cody figured that all he needed was to get out of Karla’s house for a few hours to clear his head. Just because he had to sleep under her roof all summer didn’t mean he needed to be cooped up in her house 24/7. Walking into the kitchen, the house seemed eerily silent. Karla had mentioned that she had a meeting and Lexy was likely still at school. Making himself a bowl of cereal, Cody felt much better just getting some time alone. A minute later and his phone buzzed, showing a text from Jacob: “Party at Brad’s house later. Wanna go?” Perfect. While Cody didn’t own a car, he knew he could always rely on Jacob for a ride. An escape from Karla’s house, even for a few hours, would make him feel like more of an adult. Lounging around on the couch, Cody turned on Karla’s beautiful, huge flat screen TV. Before long, Lexy walked in the front door. “Hey.” Cody said. “Hi.” Lexy responded. Cody couldn’t discern her expression. Was she annoyed by his presence in her living room? Or just indifferent? “What are you up to?” Lexy asked. “Just watching TV. I’ll probably go to a party later tonight.” Lexy was obviously popular and Cody’s response was almost meant to show her that he too had a social life, no matter how shy he sometimes appeared. Lexy raised an eyebrow at him, making a strange face. “Did you ask my mom?” Lexy said. “Ask her what?” “Did you ask her if you could go out tonight?” “Well… no, not exactly but… I’m 19 years old. I can go out with friends if I want to.” Cody said, trying to sound self-assured. “You obviously don’t know my mom very well. She’s like… a really great person and everything but she is ridiculously strict. It doesn’t matter that you’re 19. She’s still going to treat you like you’re a little kid. I’m 18 and I still have an 11:30 curfew on weekends.” Cody fell silent. He was beginning to feel increasingly anxious about living with this woman for the rest of the summer. Lexy’s words seemed particularly haunting in light of the fact that Karla had diapered him like a toddler the previous night. The atmosphere of her house was a stark contrast to that of his own. Ironically, in his younger years, there had been some part of Cody that had always wished his mother would be more strict and more attentive. Now that he was in such a household as an adult, it felt confining. “I just need to get into one out of state university and then I’m gone. That’s what my older brother Kevin did when he turned 18. Seriously, I love my mom but she’s hard to deal with sometimes.” Lexy said, leaving the room. Cody spent the next few minutes trying to think of something diplomatic to say to Karla in order to persuade her to let him go out for the night. When she finally walked in the front door, Karla looked fashionable as ever in a long maxi skirt and a red blouse, her short gelled hair parted to one side and wearing a pair of gold earrings. This mature older woman had diapered him like a baby the previous night. Any illusions of them being equals had already disappeared. She was in control. CLICK HERE to continue reading: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CQMHDLN

My name is Marie, just plain old Marie. I'm the #2 child. I have an older sister, you know the type, a regular Mary Poppins, perfect in every way. In school "Why aren't you as smart as Fiona?" Fiona learned to play the piano, music was like bred into her. After 3 years of lessons I still can't figure out how to read music very well. Like I said in school Fiona got A's and hardly cracked a book open. I work my butt off just to get B's and C's. It just ain't fair! I love her and hate her at the same time! There is one thing I do better than her, our real daddy didn't really want to be our daddy. He booked it when I was 2 and Fiona 4 years old. Our mom worked her fingers to the bone just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I'm grateful to have a mom that cares for us like that. When I was 4 and Fiona 6 our mom met a guy. Ray swept our mom off her feet. He didn't mind that mom had two daughters. He wanted a family. He got us. Ray became daddy to me, I guess he swept me off my feet as well! He's stepped up to the plate, I really love him. Fiona has accepted him as dad, and that's been about it. She never bonded with Ray, or daddy the way I did. Even though I'm 18 he still calls me his little girl. Fiona is jealous of me in the relationship Daddy and I have. Even though I'm 18 there is one other thing that Fiona is better at than I am. Fiona was potty trained at 4 years old, I on the other hand was potty trained at 3. All except for nightimes. I still pretty much wet my bed every night. Miss perfect Fiona will not let me forget that I still wet my bed. When I wake up in the morning she is usually right there already checking to see if my sheets are wet or dry. My mother doesn't know where my bedwetting comes from nobody on her side, and she has talked with the sperm donors side what we call my real dad, and their is no history of it anywhere. That doesn't stop me from waking up wet every morning. Now I have two boyfriends, one is Berry, he comes from a family a lot better financially off than mine. Then there is Cameron, Cameron's family is about as not rich as my own. Both know I'm a bedwetter thanks to Fiona. Berry treats me like the bastard step child at the family reunion. He tells how poor I am, and tells me since I'm a bedwetter I'm just simply not good enough for him, besides he really loves Fiona, he just uses me so he can get to her. Cameron tells me I'm a goddess, he doesn't mind that I still wet my bed. At one time he had a crush on Fiona. She treated him like Barry treats me. His heart was broken, I showed him compassion and helped him find life AF. After Fiona! He has been a fan of mine since. He agrees that I'm not like Fiona, he tells me that its a good thing. My mom likes Barry, he can support me. She has never seen him treat me like dirt. Daddy likes Cameron. For being from two different generations when daddy and him get together they talk about everything from Archery to Zoology! They have even talked about me and my bedwetting. Cameron feels I'm a whole package, if that means I wet my bed that's a part of me. I've talked to him about it as well. I think it excites him in a way. He gets a hard penis whenever we talk about it, now I can have a man who my bedwetting repulses him, or one that it excites. For me its a no brainer, I don't have to be as smart as Fiona to figure this one out!

Do you find your bedwetting a problem when it comes to sexual relations with your partner. It isn't a problem for my wife and I.

Hi there, I usually just read posts on here but I'm looking for some advice on how to tell my partner i want to go into diapers 24/7. I wear them around the house alot and we've had sex with me wearing a diaper a few times, he seems to really like it. The only problem is i want to wear them all the time and I really want to know if he would be okay with me using them (wetting) from time to time. Any ideas on what to say? Thanks, Mel

Hi folks, just doing a bit of a mass upload whether stuff is finished or not as otherwise I'm gonna lose it I know I posted this story before, but I think it was lost with lots of other stories back along, oh and it is also a slightly updated version Enjoy! Chloe Evans was sat at school with her friends. The class was biology, which she found endlessly boring, as her teacher Mrs Hughes droned on about the process of photosynthesis, with hardly anyone paying any attention to her as she explained the diagrams she had drawn on the whiteboard. She knew they still had over an hour to endure until lunchtime it would finally be lunchtime. Although she wasn't enjoying the class, she wasn't actually sure if she wanted it to be lunchtime or not, due to a group of seniors namely one called Amy White. Chloe and 2 of her friends called Jess and Natalie, were being given a tough time by the group of older girls. The girls were all 18 and knew what exactly what they could get away with. Soon enough, lunchtime had arrived, Chloe and her friends left the class and were stood by their lockers chatting, all now feeling pretty hungry. They were just about to head over to the cafeteria to get some lunch when they heard an all too familiar voice… "Hey baby girls what are you up to" the girls looked around "w w we were just going to get our lunch" Jess stuttered in reply "Well before you go I've got a deal for the 3 of you, each of you give me $10 and I won't pick one of you losers to spread a rumour about that will ruin you" "B..b...but.... that's all we have to buy any lunch with" "Well it's up to you then whether you mind the whole school thinking you still suck on a baby bottle in your spare time" replied Amy with an evil grin "Oh my god why are you so mean we haven't done anything to you? "You've got exactly 5 seconds to all hand me the money"..... begrudgingly the girls each handed Amy the money, knowing doing so would be better than their other option. Amy and her two pals Danielle and Brooke had everything the way they wanted. All 3 of them were gorgeous which had led to them all being on the cheerleading team. They were pretty much the 3 most popular girls in the whole school, Danielle and Brooke were both dating guys that were on the football team, Amy had held back from having a boyfriend although the captain of the team was head over heels in love with her, she had gone on a couple of dates and even kissed him a few times but had never gone any further which her friends could never understand. Her perfect figure, long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes were enough to make any guy weak at the knees. The girls had become accustomed to their social position and felt they could look down on certain people that they didn't feel matched their social standing. They had seen the group of 3 sophomores who appeared to be "average girls" who never caused any trouble and pretty much kept themselves to themselves. These girls seemed like the sort that would probably be too scared to say anything to anyone and would keep quiet out of fear. Amy, Danielle and Brooke knew they could get away with belittling Chloe and her friends. A couple of times Chloe had even had to covered up marks out of fear of her mom seeing them when Amy had hit her for not doing as she said. It was now the end of lunchtime and Chloe, Jess and Natalie had all gone without eating. They sat chatting just before the next class started. "I can't believe how mean they are to us, those bitches are happy for us to go all day without eating just so they can keep our lunch money probably to spend it on make-up and clothes" said Chloe angrily "I wish there was a way of stopping them, if we told the teacher she would spread a mean rumour like what she said earlier" replied Natalie "that would be way too embarrassing to deal with. I would literally die if that happened" said Jess. "There must be some way we can stop them" The teacher then came in so they had to stop talking and listen. Eventually the end of the day came around, Chloe's mom picked up her. She couldn't wait to get home so she could get something to eat as she was starving. Chloe had a younger brother called Tyler who had to be picked up from Elementary school which was 5 mins down the road. Mom then reminded Chloe that Tyler had a hospital appointment at 4:15 so they would be going straight from school to the hospital. This annoyed Chloe as she was so hungry "but Mom I'm soooo hungry cant you drop me home" "I'm sorry love but we don't have time, you know how important this appointment is for your brother we don't want to risk missing it" "ok Mom" Chloe accepted she would just have to go with them to the appointment. She remembered Mom mentioning the appointment before, that it was with a specialist consultant to try and help with Tyler's bedwetting problem. As far as Chloe could remember Tyler had always had occassional problems with wetting the bed, it only happened once every one or two weeks but still that was often enough. she knew how embarrassing it must be for him and knew how much he wanted to stop it happening. She imagined if she had been the one with a bedwetting problem how humiliated she would have felt, but she knew that people her age didn't do immature things like that. They soon arrived at the hospital, eventually finding their way to the correct department, which was quite a long walk as it was upstairs and at the far end of the hospital. When they found the correct area Mom checked Tyler in for the appointment "hello I've got my son Tyler Evans here he's got an appointment with Dr. Johns at 4:15" the receptionist had a look on the computer and then responded "that's great, if you follow the corridor along and take a seat in the waiting area around the corner on the left" "thank you". They took a seat where they were asked to by the receptionist. While they sat there a couple of young children and their parents went in for their appointments with other doctors in the same department. She wondered if all the kids she could see were here for similar problems. After a few minutes a doctor who Chloe recognised as Dr. Johns came around the corner and called "Amy White please" Hearing that name mentioned really got Chloe's attention, "surely not" she thought to herself. Chloe though it must just be a coincidence that someone must just have the same name as the girl from school. As she looked on she saw a girl appear from the seating area around the corner, she could see her side on and could clearly tell that it was indeed Amy White from school still in her uniform. The girl followed the doctor around the corner out of sight of the waiting area. She hadn't seen Chloe as the doctors office was in the opposite direction. Chloe quickly said to her mom that she was going to get something from the vending machine which was conveniently placed around the corner near Dr. Johns office. As she made her way around the corner she just saw the back of Dr. Johns as he walked into his office. As he walked in he pushed the door back in order to close it, but it didn't quite click shut and it then fell open by a few inches. She could hear he had sat at his desk and must not have realised the door wasn't properly closed... Thinking quickly she swiftly got out her phone and turned on the sound recorder, checking no one could see her, which thankfully they couldn't, she then very carefully placed her phone on the ground inside the edge of the door. She knew it was risky but she was willing to take that chance. Chloe then sat in a chair which was right outside the door so she could listen in herself. She really didn't know what to expect to hear but she listened in as they began talking..... "Please take a seat. So Amy when did I last see you it must be a few months now isn't it?" "Umm.. yea the last time I saw you was in April, so about 4 months ago" "and how have things been going since the last time I saw you?" "well to be honest things haven't been going too well really" "ok so is that in terms of the frequency of the accidents" "yes it seems to be happening more often" "How many nights a week would you say you're wetting now Amy" "to be honest I'd say it's happening about 4 or 5 times a week, I find it so humiliating. It's getting really difficult to keep hidden from the rest of my family, especially my little brother and sister as I really don't want them knowing about this" Chloe was absolutely stunned to be hearing this "yes I can completely understand how hard this must be for you to deal with at your age, have you been taking any preventative measures to stop the bed from getting wet?" "Uhhhhh..... well yea I have done yes.....it's so embarrassing to even admit to it but I've started wearing adult diapers to bed every night which I started doing after the last appointment, it's been so bad I've sometimes had to change in the middle of the night, I'm so worried that my sister or brother are gonna catch me in a diaper as I know they would both tease me about it" Chloe sat there with her jaw wide open, Amy White the popular, beautiful cheerleader who had been bullying her still wore diapers to bed at 18. "I can totally sympathise Amy, well as long as the diapers you are using are good quality then they should hold your accidents and not allow your sheets to get wet. I guess its just a case of being careful if you want to keep this hidden from your family. I can get the nurse to see you after our appointment if you'd like and she can provide you with a supply of medical grade diapers, would that be something you'd be happy with?" "I guess so as its really expensive and embarrassing buying them for myself" "Ok ill get that sorted for you. Right, the bedwetting you're suffering with is what's is known as secondary enuresis, which is the medical term for when a person has previously been dry at night, which you were who then begins wetting the bed again when they get older. You fit this description as you previously wet the bed up until you were 8. As it has now been happening for a few months and considering your age I don't believe it's something that will just go away. This also leads me to believe that it's a psychological reason that you've developed this issue so the best thing I can do is refer you to a colleague of mine Dr. Lucy Jeffords who is very experienced at dealing with things like this. I will however not fill you with false hope as these sort of conditions can sometimes be very hard to get to the bottom of" "Are you saying that I might never stop wetting the bed?" Chloe could hear Amy sobbing slightly "No Amy I'm not saying that, it's just conditions like this can be very deep-seated and it can take a long time to truly know what's causing it, not to lie to you I have known people go down this route who have had to just accept bed wetting as being part of who they are" "Oh my god so there's a chance i"ll be in diapers for the rest of my life" "There's one other thing that I will provide you with Amy that may help which is a enuresis alarm, these are normally used for people much younger but I don't see any reason why we shouldn't try it. The way it works is that it alerts you that you are urinating as soon as it senses any moisture waking you up and hopefully training your brain to wake you up in time in the future. It can take a few months of using this every night before you may see any results so you have to be patient. What you do is clip the alarm box to your nightshirt near the top of your chest, attached to the box is a cable with a clip on the end. You run the cable under your shirt down into your underwear. It needs to be close to your vaginal area as it needs be as close as possible to the wetness to alert you quickly. So for you, when you're changed for bed, you will need to put the cable inside the diaper and clip it to the inside padding. "Ok I guess I may as well try it" Amy still sounding a little upset "Great... look Amy don't get too down on yourself as we still have these two routes to try before we know how this is going to go, ok" "No I suppose you're right" "What I'll do know is send across a request for you now to go straight in and see the nurse, here's your nighttime alarm I guess you'll want to pop that in your bag" "Thanks" At this point Chloe knew the appointment was coming to an end so again checking no one was around she leaned down and reached inside the door and picked her phone up, quickly saving the recording. "Right then Amy if you would like to go and take a seat where you were before, the nurse should call you in soon, you will get an appointment letter in the mail to see Dr.Jeffords, I will probably see you again in around 6 months to see how you're getting on" Chloe knew she needed to move before Amy came out and saw her, so she quickly made her way back around to the waiting area where she walked past her Mom saying that she was just going to use the restroom. She stayed in there for a few minutes hoping to avoid Amy seeing her. Amy took a seat where she was before, she wasn't left long before the nurse had called her in. When Chloe came back Dr. Johns was just calling Tyler in for his appointment, she opted to go and sit where she was previously so that when Amy came out of her appointment with the nurse that she wouldn't see her. Meanwhile Amy was extremely embarrassed with her current situation. The young nurse had called her in, Amy thought she couldn't have been more than about 23 or 24. The nurse was actually quite shocked as most of these requests were for young children or people with disabilities, she had not expected to be handing out diapers to such an attractive girl of that age. However she knew she had to remain professional. "So Amy I've been asked to see you by Dr. Johns, he said you've been having some trouble staying dry at night" "Uuuumm yea I have" The nurse noticed Amy blushing "Right well he's asked me to get you sorted with a supply of adult disposable diapers. What we need to do is make sure you have the correct size so I'm gonna need you to get you to try on a couple of different sizes. If you could just slip off your clothes, you can keep your panties and bra on" "Ok" Amy went behind the privacy curtain and got herself undressed. She was really nervous at having the nurse see her practically naked but she had no choice. She came back out from behind the curtain where the nurse gave her a smile. "Great, if you can lie down on the examination table Amy we"ll try you with a medium first" Amy went and lied down on the table, she couldn't believe this was happening at her age. She lay there as the nurse unfolded the thick garment, slipped it under her butt and proceeded to tightly tape her into the diaper as if she were a baby. "All done, if you'd like to stand up we can see how we'll it fits" Amy stood up and put her hands to the diaper noticing how thick and crinkly it was as she began walking around the nurses office. There was a full length mirror on the wall which she looked at herself in. She noticed how it made her butt look huge but at the same time it was quite a snug tight fit. She knew her butt was quite big and toned which plenty of guys had complemented her on anyway as she had been following a fitness programme to get her in shape for her cheerleading. "How does it seem Amy" "I guess it seems to fit well although it seems really thick and crinkly" "Of course it is honey they're not designed to be discreet they're designed to stop the bed getting wet. You would be looking at paying out quite a lot for a pack of tena or attends that might be slightly less bulky but as you only wear protection at night that shouldn't matter" The nurse walked over to Amy and examined the fitment of the diaper, pulling at the edges. "This one seems to be the perfect fit as its tight enough to prevent any leaks. There won't be any need to try on the small so what I'll do is send you away today with a package of mediums. If you can try and slip that one off without undoing the tabs then you could use it tonight" Amy managed to gently slide off the diaper which she folded up and pushed deep to the bottom of her bag. She got herself dressed. The nurse got a package of the diapers out of a store cupboard which she put in a plain white plastic bag and handed to Amy. As Amy left her appointment she quickly made her way back to her car, she felt extremely self conscious walking around with a package of adult diapers. She put them in the trunk and then drove home. Back in Dr. Johns office, Tyler's appointment had finished. Chloe, Mom and Tyler all made their way back to the car. By that time Amy had gone. On the drive home Chloe couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. She wanted to get home so she could listen to the recording. When Chloe got home she grabbed a few snacks from the cupboard before heading upstairs and locking herself in her room. She got her phone out and started to play the recording. Listening back some parts still shocked her. "to be honest I'd say it's happening about 4 or 5 times a week, I find it so humiliating. It's getting really difficult to keep hidden from the rest of my family, especially my little brother and sister as I really don't want them knowing about this" Yea I bet you don't want anyone else knowing about this Chloe chuckled to herself. "Uhhhhh..... well yea I have done yes.....it's so embarrassing to even admit to it but I've started wearing adult diapers to bed every night which I started doing after the last appointment, it's been so bad I've sometimes had to change in the middle of the night, I'm so worried that my sister or brother are gonna catch me in a diaper as I know they would both tease me about it" Chloe found it funny listening back and hearing Amy's confession to the doctor. "I think a lot of people would find it hilarious that an 18 year old still wear diapers" Chloe thought. Although Chloe was an average girl in most ways one thing she was decidedly above average at was anything to do with computers. She decided to transfer the recording and save it to her computer just in case something happened to her phone. She then began searching online, looking through lots of different websites and tumblr's. What she was looking for was a picture of a girl around Amy's age wearing a diaper, either in bed or getting ready for bed. She couldn't believe how many pictures she was finding of women in diapers, she realised a lot of the images were linked to fetish websites. After a long search she settled on one of a pretty girl that looked a little like Amy stood in her bathroom getting ready for bed with a diaper sticking out from under her nightshirt, the image looked as if someone had snuck in on the girl and snapped the pic having caught her in her diapered state. She thought this image would be perfect. She saved it and loaded it in to photoshop. Next she went on Facebook and found Amy's profile. Thankfully, due to Amy's popularity, she obviously enjoyed having her privacy settings open, giving anyone access to every picture on her profile. She probably enjoyed imagining all the guys that would check out her pictures. Chloe still couldn't get her head around the fact that the beautiful girl with flowing blonde hair she was seeing in all of these images, who clearly attended many, many parties and had an endless amount of friends, could still have problems keeping her be dry. Looking through her many pictures she finally found one of Amy which showed her side on which she knew was ideal to use. With both images loaded onto photoshop Chloe put her skills to work. It took her a while to get it right but the end result was absolutely worth it. What she had was a picture that no one would even suspect of being photoshopped, which showed Amy getting ready to go to bed, very clearly with a diaper on. It was an image that no one would even consider to be photoshopped. She knew this accompanied by the recording would be enough to have the whole school believe her. Later on that night at Amy's house. It was getting late so Amy knew it was time to go to bed. Her brother and sister were now in bed, so she knew this meant it was safer for her to go and do what she despised having to do every night, put her diaper on. She got her pj's out of her drawer and then got the diaper she had been changed into by the nurse out of her bag. As there were no tabs to tape on as they were already done up Amy decided to get changed in her room. She took off her clothes and panties. She then unfolded the diaper and pulled it up finding it to be quite tight, after a bit of pulling and wiggling she had it on securely around her waist. She then quickly put on her pj pants which required some force to get them over the diaper as it was so thick. She put her top on which covered the waistband which was sticking out. As she was about to get into bed she remembered what Dr.Johns had given her earlier; the bedwetting alarm. She knew she would have to use it to have any chance of curing her problem. She got it from her bag and tried to remember how he had said to use it. She clipped the alarm unit onto her shirt at the top of her chest, and then ran the cable down under her shirt into her diaper. She clipped it into place on the inside of her diaper before hopping into bed and soon drifting off to sleep... It was 3am at Amy's house and there was not a sound to be heard. Until suddenly BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..... Amy was in a very deep sleep and was having a familiar dream about getting up and going to use the bathroom, she dreamt she had woken up desperate to pee and had walked to the bathroom, except the reality was she was still asleep and her bathroom was her diaper. The alarm continued loudly BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP Amy didn't flinch Soon her sister Charlotte was woken by the noise. She made her way to Amy's room to find Amy asleep. She began shaking Amy to wake up. Amy just made a few groaning noises. "Amy wake up WAKE UP!!" Charlotte shouted Eventually Amy began to come round and realise what was going on "Finally Amy, what the hell is that noise?" Amy quickly realised it was her bedwetting alarm so she pressed the button to turn it off. She un-clipped it and discreetly disconnected the cable. "Why have you got an alarm strapped to your chest" Amy panicked hoping her sister didn't know what it was "I uuuuuu thought I would use my alarm clock tonight but I must have set it to the wrong time" "Why would you do that you normally use your phone. And why the hell would you strap it to your chest" "I keep sleeping through my phone alarm as it's not loud enough. I strapped it there so it would definitely wake me up" Amy looked at her sister who seemed to have bought her response "Whatever, the way you sleep you could sleep through a hurricane. That took ages to wake you up, I'm surprised you didn't pee the bed you were sleeping so deeply" Charlotte could tell her sister didn't find that last remark very funny. She sensed it made her feel uncomfortable. Charlotte then yanked the duvet off her sister. Luckily for Amy the bed was dry and her diaper wasn't showing. "Just checking" "Strangely enough I grew out of that when I was about 3 Charlotte. Just go back to bed and stop being a pest I need to get some sleep we've both got school in the morning" "Alright goodnight then big sis" Amy knew there was no way she would be able to use the bedwetting alarm again after that, she thought about how close Charlotte was to finding her out. She felt around her diaper that it was quite wet but though it should hold out until morning. She reached inside it to unclip the sensor which she put in her bag to throw away. After a few minutes she drifted back to sleep... The morning soon came around, it was 7:30am Chloe had got up and ready for school. The family were all sat having breakfast. Chloe was feeling very nervous but also excited about the fact that her and her friends might hopefully get their lives back to normal by putting an end to the bullying. She thought about what the chances were of this happening. It was a perfect case of karma, the girl who had been bullying her all this time still couldn't keep her bed dry. It also dawned on her about the money that Amy had been taking. In her head she suddenly realised something, "All that money she's been stealing off me I thought it was so she could spend it on make-up or clothes but she must have been using it to buy her adult diapers. I've had to go without lunch all those times just so she can piss herself every night like a baby" When she got to school Chloe met up with Jess and Natalie as they made their way to first period. "I wonder what trouble we're gonna have today then from Amy and her cronies" Said Natalie "Oh god I hope they leave us alone today as my Mom only gave me $5 for lunch" replied Jess "Well hopefully girls I think I've got a way of getting them to leave us alone" "I don't how you're planning on doing that but whatever it is it probably won't end well Chloe" "Look all I'll say it that you both have to trust me on this one" "Really, so what are you gonna do then?" "I don't wanna say just yet, but what I need you two to do is at lunchtime, if Amy comes over to us you two both walk away so she's left with just me to talk to" "Ok is that it" "Yea you'll both just have to be patient" Chloe had thought it through and decided not to tell Jess and Natalie yet as she knew they wouldn't be able to resist telling everyone. That morning Amy had woken up to find that she had wet her diaper in her sleep a second time as it was really swollen and saturated, it was so full it forced her legs apart like a toddler that had just had an accident. Feeling around between her legs she felt her pyjamas were slightly damp. Pulling back the covers she checked her bed finding that the diaper had leaked slightly onto her sheet, leaving a small area of wetness on the bed . "Damn it" Amy sighed to herself. This had happened a few times before because of her rolling over in her sleep. The thick indiscreet hospital diaper had leaked just like her other diapers had done occasionally. Suddenly her bedroom door flew open, it was Charlotte. Amy quickly pulled the covers back over herself. "Oh you're awake, I thought I'd come and check that you were getting up in case you slept through your alarm again" "What are you doing Charlotte get the hell out of my room you should know not to just barge into someone's bedroom like that" "Geez what's got into you stressy pants" replied Charlotte "I get it, you wanna spend time with me cos you haven't got any of your own friends. I'm more popular, better looking and doing much better than you at everything, well guess what- you're a loser, 16 years old and I bet you've never even kissed a boy" Amy snapped aggressively at her younger sister Charlotte broke down in tears "oh my god you're such a bitch sometimes" "We'll it's true, now get out so I can get dressed" She ran out of the room crying her eyes out, and went downstairs to the kitchen where Mom was making breakfast "Oh honey what's wrong" her Mom asked Charlotte told her that Amy had been mean to her, all because she went into her room to check she was awake. Mom was furious with Amy for this, she always thought she could get away with talking to her younger sister like this, she didn't want her to get away with it this time She marched straight upstairs to Amy's bedroom, pushing the door open she found her 18 year old daughter still in her bed. "How dare you speak like that to your sister, I thought I brought you up to be better than that" "Whatever Mom, I'm not having her just walk into my bedroom like that, I don't go in her room" "Your bedroom? I'd rethink that if I were you, remind me who pays the mortgage on the house! Exactly, me and your father" "Anyway I don't want that little brat coming in here, especially while I'm still in bed" "There's only one little brat in this house Amy and that is you, in more ways than one. Your sister is proving to me to be far more mature than you at times, even now look she's up and ready to leave for school while you're still lazing around in bed, and she actually knows how to treat people with respect" "Anyway I'm gonna buy a lock to put on my door to stop her coming in" "You won't be putting a lock on the door I'm afraid young lady, I may have considered allowing you to if you had proven to me that you are mature enough, but with some of your behaviour recently, not a chance. Now get up and go and get yourself ready for school, I don't want Charlotte and Sam to be late because of your laziness, I'll talk to you about this further when you get home from school" With that Mom left the room and went back downstairs Amy waited to make sure Mom had definitely gone before picking up her school clothes and heading out of her room. Checking it was now clear she quickly made her way across the hallway and into the bathroom thankful that everyone must have gone downstairs. As she walked there was quite a diaper bulge from her butt, which had only been made worse by the fact that she had wet it in her sleep, twice. She was a bit cautious as she wasn't sure where her brother Sam was. Having a brother who was 15 and a sister that was 16 made it a lot harder for Amy to accept being a bedwetter, and made it extremely difficult to hide it. She certainly didn't want them know their big sister still had to put on a diaper for bed as she knew they would probably out her to her friends. It was also frustrating to her that neither of them had ever had any trouble staying dry at night and yet here she was with this problem. The first accidents were shortly before her 18th birthday. She had managed to wash her wet sheets a few times without anyone noticing, but she knew if she wanted to keep this problem from her siblings and her parents that she only had one option. From that day, as humiliating as it felt to her she has worn a diaper to bed every night to hide her accidents. She stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror, turning from side to side checking out her butt she noticed that anyone observant would have known what she had on under her pyjamas. She took off her pyjamas leaving her stood in just her diaper. Amy thought her butt looked huge in the diaper. She looked at herself and could see exactly why guys liked her, she was hot and she knew it. Over the last couple of years she knew her figure had filled out nicely. Her boobs were now a lovely size and around her hips she had increased in size, giving her a nice shapely butt, this was partly helped by her cheerleading and all the exercises such a lunges and squats she did. She carefully untaped her full diaper, having already turned on the shower to cover up the noise as she ripped the tabs off. Amy got herself showered and put on her school uniform. She wrapped the diaper up in her laundry as she made her way back to her room. Amy decided to leave her bedding as she thought as it was only a relatively small area that was wet it would likely have dried out by the evening. She put the diaper in a plastic bag which she tied up and shoved to the bottom of her school bag. She knew this was the only option as she didn't want to leave her wet diapers around the house in case her mother found them. She had hoped to get a chance to put it in the trash before they left for school but this morning she didn't get a chance. Now at school it was breaktime at the end of first period. Chloe, Natalie and Jess were all stood by their lockers chatting in their usual spot. Chloe then noticed she could see Amy making her way towards them, she appeared to be on her own. Chloe quickly told the other two to quickly go, which left just her and Amy. "Hello baby girl where did your little friends run off to, have they gone off crying to their Moms" Amy said whilst chuckling "Baby girl? that's rich coming from you, I don't think you want to be talking to me like that Amy" "Oh really so what are you gonna do about it?" "Well it depends if you mind the whole school knowing your little secret" "I don't have any secrets you little bitch" "Let's take this conversation somewhere a little more private shall we, I wouldn't want anyone over-hearing us. Over there look lets go in the disabled bathroom"replied Chloe "Yea ok let's go in there then I can beat the hell out of you without anyone else seeing" Chloe and Amy made there way across the hallway and into the disabled bathroom "Right then, speak up before I take your lunch money and hurt you" "I wouldn't do that if I were you unless you want the whole school to know what the supposedly grown up cheerleader still wears to bed" As she said this she had a massive grin on her face, at the same time the grin on Amy's face quickly evaporated Amy's heart sank, she surely couldn't know, no one knew. Chloe saw a look of terror come across Amy's face. Yeah that's right what's it like then Amy still wetting the bed at your age?" 'What are you on about I've never done that in my life I'm not a fucking baby" "Oh really, diaper lady. I can't believe you actually still do that at your age" "Look I don't know what the hell you're on about but it's a load of trash" Amy was blushing fiercely as she knew Chloe somehow knew her secret "Your appointment yesterday with Dr. Johns........... I recorded every second of it" "W w w what....... you can't have" "That's right I know your little secret and I've got proof to back it up" Chloe began playing the recording.......... "Awwww is it embarrassing Amy so you've been waking up wet 4 or 5 nights a week" Amy stood there looking furious as she listened to the recording "Awww so you've been wearing adult diapers every night and you sometimes even have to change them in the middle of the night, I bet your little sister would love to find out" "Give me that" Amy then moved towards her to try and grab her phone "Ah ah ah..... I wouldn't if I were you as I've got this saved to my computer and at the click of a button I will have the whole school knowing about your little bedwetting problem" The recording continued to play.. "So how did your bedwetting alarm go last night then Amy, did you keep your diaper dry?" Chloe said while laughing "Shut up, look I'm begging you there's really no need for you to tell anyone about this,I'll leave you alone and do whatever you want in return" "Of course you will and if you don't do exactly as I say your secrets out, have you got it diaper baby" "Fine, whatever" "Firstly, starting right now, give me your lunch money" "I haven't got any lunch money my Mom didn't give me any today" Chloe grabbed Amy's bag and began to look through it "Well well what have we got here" as Chloe pulled a plastic bag out "That's just some uuuuuhh...... trash" "Are you sure about that Amy?" Chloe ripped the bag open realising it was a diaper. She pulled it out and unfolded it holding it up smiling "It doesn't look like that bedwetting alarm worked for you last night. I can't believe someone your age still does that in their sleep, and to think Rick, the captain of the football team actually has a crush on you, I don't think he would if he saw this. This is disgusting. You should have told your Mom about your little diaper problem and got her to change you in the night" Amy felt utterly humiliated by the younger girl "One more thing if you don't want everyone knowing about this, you will come to school tomorrow wearing one of your bedwetting diapers and you'll meet me here 15 minutes before classes start" Wait, What, there's no way I'm wearing one to school" Amy was horrified at this thought "Either wear a diaper tomorrow or the whole school find out that you still wear them to bed, oh and bring a spare in your bag just in case. And don't even think about wearing a pull-up or something it has to be one of these exact ones" Amy knew she had no option but to come to school diapered. And to make matters worse, it was one of the thick, loud hospital diapers. She was now dreading the thought of being in a diaper around her friends. She knew the school uniform wouldn't help her situation either as the skirts were quite short. Chloe then got a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to Amy, it was a print-out of the photoshopped picture which showed Amy diapered and ready for bed. Amy looked stunned "What the fuck that's not real" "Do you think anyone's gonna believe its not real it looks pretty real to me?" She felt really angry and shocked at the picture which looked completely real "See you in the morning then diaper baby" Chloe said with a smirk on her face Amy gave her a stern look as she opened the door and headed off to her class. She ripped the picture up into so many pieces no one would know what is was and put it in the trash can. Chloe felt really pleased with how that had gone. She could see how much Amy hated the fact she knew her secret. She could also see how embarrassed she was. She was now feeling quite excited and couldn't believe she had managed to blackmail the most pretty and popular girl in school to come in wearing an adult diaper under her uniform. She had given her no option but to do exactly as she said. Chloe quickly locked the door as she was still holding the sodden undergarment. She certainly didn't want anyone thinking it was her's. She looked at it and still couldn't quite believe that the hot, popular cheerleader Amy White had worn that to bed the previous night and had peed in it in her sleep. It just didn't seem possible. There was a knock on the door, Chloe quickly stuffed the diaper back in the bag and stuffed it in the trash can. She opened the door to see Natalie and Jess stood there. "Are you okay Chlo? We saw you go in there with Amy and we were worried she'd hurt you" "I'm totally fine but I don't know if she is" "What do you mean" questioned Natalie "Let's just say she won't be picking on us anymore" replied Chloe with a grin "Why what have you done" "Well it appears that Amy White has a little secret she didn't want anyone knowing about" "Oh my god, seriously? What is it? Did she sleep with one of the teachers or something?" Chloe laughed "no it's something a bit more embarrassing than that" She walked over to the trash can and opened the lid. As the trash was previously empty she was able to pull the bag out without it being dirty. "Chloe why are going through trash? what the hell is that?" She tipped the bag up and the undergarment fell to the floor with a thud. Chloe then picked it up holding it up to her friends "It's an adult diaper" "Eeewwww, that's disgusting, but what the hell's that got to do with Amy" "Well girls believe it or not this was Amy's underwear for bed last night, she has a little bedwetting problem" "Wait what, no way, Amy still wets the bed? you have got to be kidding let me see that thing" Natalie took the diaper from Chloe to examine it "Oh my god this thing is absolutely soaked feel how heavy it is. So you're telling us that Amy White, the girl who's been bullying us still wets her bed every night like a baby" "Yep I couldn't believe it that evil bitch still can't keep her bed dry" "This is amazing, after all this time of putting up with her and that little bitch still pisses the bed, I cant wait for everyone to find out" replied Jess with a big smile on her face "How did you get this diaper anyway" questioned Natalie "We'll let's just say I caught up with her this morning before she had a chance to dispose of it" "What so she was walking around with a used diaper in her school bag?" "Yea she obviously didn't get a chance to put it in the trash before school without risking her family seeing her" "I'm not surprised she's hiding it from her family, what the fuck is wrong with her to still do that at her age" "How did you find out about this anyway Chloe" questioned Natalie "Well yesterday after school Mom made me go with her and Tyler to an appointment Tyler had at the hospital, while we were in the waiting area I heard her name called out, I was curious when I heard her name as it was the same doctor that Tyler sees for bedwetting. I managed to get outside the doctor's office and record the whole conversation she had with the doctor as the door was left slightly open" "No way are you serious" "Yea, do you wanna hear the recording" Chloe began playing the recording, Natalie and Jess stood there speechless as they listened to Amy reveal everything to the doctor......... "I'm in shock, I can't believe what I just heard, I can't wait for the whole school to find out that she's actually nothing more than a big baby" said Jess "You two can't say anything about this yet as I've actually managed to blackmail her" replied Chloe "What do you mean?" "Well I told her that she has to come to school tomorrow wearing one of her diapers or I'll tell the whole school her secret" "Seriously? You've managed to blackmail her in to wearing one of these to school, haha that's brilliant" said Jess whilst still holding the soaked diaper "Yep" "I doubt she'll actually wear one, imagine how embarrassing that would be for her" said Natalie "We'll just have to wait and see" Chloe then showed Natalie and Jess her photoshopped picture which she had a copy of on her phone. Again they looked stunned "How on earth did you get that picture" they questioned "Believe it or not it's not actually real, it's a picture I found online which I photoshopped her head on to" "Wow no one would ever know that isn't real, she literally has no way out of this" Amy sat in her class, unable to concentrate. She couldn't believe the position she had been put in. She was really fearing what might happen if she didn't do exactly as Chloe said. Thoughts kept running through her head on how ruined she would be if people found out her secret. She imagined everyone laughing at her and calling her names, she knew she would likely lose a lot of friends as well as no one would want to be seen hanging out with the school bed wetter, an 18 year old who still had to rely on diapers to keep her bed dry. The more she thought about it, the more she realised her future was at the mercy of the girl she had been bullying... The Next Morning Chloe, Natalie and Jess all arrived for school nice and early. It was 20 mins until classes started. They all made their way to the disabled restroom where Amy had been told by Chloe to meet. Natalie and Jess hid inside the restroom keeping the light off while Chloe waited outside in the hallway. After just a few minutes of waiting Chloe saw Amy appear from the main entrance, as Amy got closer Chloe examined to see if she was actually wearing a diaper or not, she was wearing a patterned pleated skirt which was part of the new uniform which was quite short coming to a few inches above her knees. She thought she could notice a slight bulge from her butt and there was too much noise to hear anything so she couldn't be sure. As Amy reached Chloe she didn't look very happy, Chloe had a look of glee on her face as she made eye contact with the bully. She told her to go in the disabled restroom which she did. As she walked in Chloe flicked the light on and locked the door, which gave Amy quite a shock as she saw Natalie and Jess stood there, the three girls stood in front of the door so Amy wouldn't be able to escape, not that she was likely to try to. "What the hell are you two doing in here? That wasn't part of the agreement" asked Amy angrily " Well seeing as you've been bullying us we thought it only fair that we help check that yore wearing what you belong in" The girls all moved in towards Amy as she backed up. They had her penned in against the back wall. "I'm wearing it you don't need to do this for god's sake" "You better be for your sake baby" Natalie and Jess grabbed an arm each and pulled Amy forward away from the wall. Chloe wasted no time in then yanking Amy's skirt right down around her ankles in one swift movement..... The girls all then stood back absolutely stunned, none of them could hold back a smile from their faces as they observed Amy actually had a diaper on. They couldn't believe the hottest girl in the whole school was stood in front of them, not wearing a cute pair of panties as you would expect but a huge, thick crinkly adult diaper which wrapped itself tightly around her butt designed to hold the 18 year olds accidents she had in her sleep. It made her look so innocent and vulnerable, but the girls knew she was anything but... Chloe then spoke "I think this shirt can come off for a minute Amy" "What no, I'm not taking my shirt off" "Have it your way... we'll do it for you then" The girls then all moved in and grabbed her again, they soon had her shirt unbuttoned and chucked it on the floor "Look at the big baby, you look like you should be pushed around in a stroller with a pacifier in your mouth, and have your mom change your dirty diapers" said Chloe "Does your Mom every actually change you" questioned Jess The girls all started giggling Amy just gave them an evil look "Do you remember Amy that comment you made to me the other day that you would spread a rumour about one of us sucking on a baby bottle?" Amy stayed silent "Well I thought you might like to try sucking on a baby bottle yourself, it would complete your new look, besides, I don't want you to get dehydrated" Chloe got a baby bottle out of her bag and handed it to Amy "I'm not fucking well drinking that" "You've got two choices, either you drink all the water from the baby bottle, or we open this door right now and push you out in the hallway so the whole school sees what a little diaper baby you really are" Reluctantly Amy put the bottle to her lips and began drinking it Chloe then sneakily began recording Amy as she drank from the bottle, Amy was so focused on finishing the drink that she hadn't noticed that she was being videoed in her current state. Chloe had got a great video of Amy from all sides clearly showing her diaper and her sucking on the baby bottle, making sure to get a good view of her face... Amy gulped down all the water from the bottle, except, unfortunately for Amy, little did she know, what she had just drunk wasn't just plain water, it had a couple of things added to it which would play havoc with her bladder and bowels over the course of the day... Chloe, Natalie and Jess all looked at each other trying to hold back a smile as they saw that Amy had completely downed all the water. They knew this meant that the day could become quite interesting. They then let Amy put her skirt and shirt back on, she really struggled to pull the skirt back up over the diaper. The girl who had established herself as one of the most popular and hot girls in the school, was not only wearing an extremely thick and crinkly adult diaper under her school uniform, but would also have a very tough time keeping control of her bodily functions through all her days classes.... After all that Amy had done to them, the way she had made their lives hell for the past few months, they felt she deserved a taste of her own medicine. They hoped she would endure some serious humiliation. Being thickly diapered at school seemed an appropriate punishment for the bedwetting bully, albeit a bedwetting bully that just about every guy in the school would love to hop into bed with, well that is maybe until they knew about her little secret.. Having pulled her skirt into place, she was ready to leave for class, hoping that was it but Chloe had one more thing to say to her......... "Don't even think of taking it off or messing with it in any way, if you do so much as touch the tabs or don't turn up I will not hesitate to press the send button on the recording, have you got that? You will meet us here at the start of lunchtime for a diaper check. Who knows you might need your big diaper wearing ass changed by then" the girls all started laughing. Amy was so angry that she had allowed these little brats to blackmail her into wearing a fucking diaper to school. "As if they actually think I'm gonna use it! not a fucking chance!" she thought to herself "There won't be any need to do that as I won't use it" Amy responded "We'll see about that at lunchtime" With that Chloe opened the door and the three of them pushed Amy out into the crowded hallway, leaving her stumbling to try and stay on her feet with one hand holding her skirt down and one hand trying to get her balance. They stood giggling as the diapered senior disappeared into the morning crowds.. Amy made her way towards her first class, feeling extremely conscious of the extra padding she had between her legs which she was sure caused a noticeable bulge around her cute butt. She certainly thought it had when she checked herself in the mirror before school. She was also worried that people would hear the crinkling while she was in class as to her it was noticeable with every movement she made. It sounded like she had a plastic bag in her panties. The stupid hospital diapers were in no way designed to be discreet. Amy then remembered the not so comforting words the nurse had said to her, "they're not designed to be discreet, they're designed to stop the bed getting wet" As she approached her class a group of her friends were stood outside, she chatted with them for a couple of minutes, trying to stay as still as possible, before heading into class. Danielle and Brooke asked Amy if she planned on getting any money off 'those 3 losers' as they put it, to which Amy replied that she couldn't be bothered with the hassle of that at the moment. She certainly wasn't going to tell them the real reason. Amy was pleased to have made it into class undetected and was in her seat which was pretty much in the middle of the classroom. Much of the lesson was boring as the teacher Mrs Ashley talked about a book that they had been studying for their end of year exam. Amy tried to sit as still as possible as even turning around or shifting in her seat caused a bit of rustling. People spent a lot of the lesson discreetly passing notes to each other when the teacher wasn't looking. Amy tried not to get too involved in, as she didn't want to risk moving too much. However one note was thrown from the desk behind her, it landed on her lap. She looked around to see it was Rick that had thrown it as he was smiling at her, she returned a smile. Opening the note it read "was wondering if you we're free this evening sexy butt as my parents are away so I've got the house to myself, we could watch a movie or something?" Amy knew this was probably just a polite way of Rick saying do you want to come over so we can fuck. She had to admit she did really like Rick, and she did feel she was now mature enough to finally lose her virginity, apart from the fact that over the last 6 months or so she had gradually turned into a chronic bedwetter, and the fact that she was currently wearing an adult diaper under her skirt. She pondered what response to give, she thought she may as well go to his after school as this was likely going to be quite a shitty day, and she knew it would help take her mind off her current predicament if she had something to look forward to. She picked up her pen and added to the note "speak after class" before throwing the note back to Rick. She thought she would keep him waiting. Amy thought about how she would do it. She would go home first and discard the diaper. Then she could change into something more sexy. She had some tight fitting yoga pants which she knew guys go crazy over, and a cute little thong she could put on underneath. Amy looked at the time and saw that she still had over an hour left of the class. She hated having double English as it seemed to go on forever. She felt a twinge from her bladder, this didn't worry her as she knew she could hold on as she hadn't really drank much besides the water she was forced to drink. Plus there was no way she would give those little bitches the satisfaction of actually using the diaper. However, within minutes the slight twinge had quite suddenly developed into quite a desperate need to relieve herself. She was shocked how quickly the urge had come on. Amy tried hard to compose herself and think what to do. Did she put her hand up and ask to use the restroom and risk people noticing the crinkling as she walked through the quiet class. She then remembered what Chloe had said to her "don't even think of messing with it in anyway, if you do so much as touch the tabs I will not hesitate send that recording around school, have you got it?" These words stuck in her head. So even if she made it to the restroom unnoticed what would she do? she couldn't touch the tabs and risk Chloe noticing, and it would be strapped on too tightly to pull it down over her butt . Amy realised her only option would be to try and hold it and if she couldn't she would have no choice but to use the diaper. She couldn't believe she was even considering using the diaper, she was in her senior year for gods sake why was she even thinking about peeing in the stupid diaper? Her desperation got so bad, which made her have to try really hard not let her legs shake, as she knew would only serve to draw attention to herself. At the worst possible moment the teacher, Mrs Ashley picked on her to answer a question. "Amy can you please tell the class the answer to question 4" Amy didn't respond, the teacher speaking caused her to lose concentration and suddenly a trickle of pee spurted out of her vagina. She sat almost in a trance as the trickle very quickly turned into her having a full blown wetting accident. In the silence of the class all Amy could hear was a faint hissing noise from between her legs which she hoped wasn't loud enough for anyone else to hear. It seemed to take forever as her bladder uncontrollably emptied itself into her diaper. She couldn't believe what she had just done. Sat in her class and she had just filled her diaper as if she was 2 years old. "Well I'm waiting for an answer" "Ummmm I'm not sure miss, sorry I wasn't concentrating" was all Amy could say in response as she felt her diaper expand beneath her as the warmth spread from her crotch to halfway up her butt. "Yes I can see that, in future please pay more attention Amy" All eyes were on her as she had taken so long to answer Mrs Ashley. She just hoped none of her classmates could tell what she had just done. Fortunately no one seemed to have noticed, and the teacher soon took the attention away from her by asking someone else the answer. Amy realised just how close she had been to being discovered. "I could curse that little bitch Chloe for making me wear this stupid thing to class" she thought to herself She managed to get through the rest of the lesson without any further problems. As Mrs Ashley dismissed the class, Amy took her time putting her stuff away so that she was the last one to leave. Before getting up she discreetly checked her skirt and the chair in case the diaper had leaked. Luckily she found both to be dry. She made her way out of the class, finding it hard to walk normally with the thickness between her legs, to find Rick was there waiting for her... "Hey Amy how ya doing" Rick asked while smiling "Yea I'm good Rick" "So do you fancy it then later on? I've got the house all to myself until tomorrow. It would be awesome if you came over" "Uuuummm I've been thinking about it and.... yeah I think that would be great, I'll have to pop home first, but I should be able to get to yours by about 5 cos its only like a 10-15 minute walk from mine" "That sounds great, I'm not gonna invite anyone else so it'll just be me and you" Amy smiled before suddenly pulling Rick in close and kissing him passionately on the lips. After she had kissed him she simply said "I'll be looking forward to it cutie" before turning around and walking off to her next class. Rick felt really pleased with himself as he watched Amy head off down the corridor. As he watched her he thought something seemed odd about the way she was walking, and her butt seemed different somehow, but he dismissed it as nothing thinking it was just him. He couldn't believe though that he'd finally persuaded the hottest girl in the whole school, the girl he had a massive crush on to come over to his house. Amy quickly went in to the girls bathroom before class. Luckily for her there was no one else in there so she quickly locked herself in one of the stalls. Pulling up her skirt she examined her diaper. Squeezing the crotch area, she found the wetness had gone quite a long way up the front. Feeling her butt as well, it felt soaked as well to about half way up. She felt that if she wet it again it would be touch and go whether or not it would hold it. Although she certainly had no intention of using it again. She was annoyed with herself that she had ended up using the diaper, meaning that after her next class she would have no choice but to give Chloe, Natalie and Jess the satisfaction of seeing her in a wet diaper. Amy just hoped they would allow her to change into the other diaper she brought with her as she really didn't fancy walking around with a wet one on all day. Amy had one more class before she would have to face the girls and endure the humiliation of a diaper check. She couldn't believe she was 18 years old , and three 16 year olds would be checking if she had used her diaper. She was one of the first few to arrive for her next class. Nervous about people noticing, she strategically walked in behind a couple of her classmates who were chatting to help conceal any crinkling coming from between her legs. After a few minutes the class filled up and the teacher got started..... A boy called John had sat directly behind her, Amy was conscious of this because she knew John had a massive crush on her, but in Amy's mind he was a complete loser. In reality he was just an average guy who took a liking to a pretty girl. She just hoped he wasn't paying too much attention to her butt... The class was going fine and at times Amy almost forgot about what she was wearing, that was until about 20 minutes from the end of class.... She began feeling some stomach cramps, which as time went on became extremely uncomfortable..... Soon becoming almost unbearable as she felt a very desperate need to use the bathroom.. Knowing yet again that her only option was to stay exactly where she was.... "There is no way I'm gonna let this happen" she thought to herself as she held on with all her might, determined not to humiliate herself in class... She looked and saw there were 5 minutes remaining, finding it very difficult not to bend forward clutching her stomach which would alert people to her situation.... 3 minutes left.... She was counting down the seconds...... All of a sudden her eyes opened wide..... She could feel a warm mess begin to press on the back of her diaper....... The reality of what she was doing set it......... She was messing herself! In class! Like a baby! The back of her diaper continued to expand as she completely lost all control... Luckily for Amy it had been a 'quiet' accident so no one heard what she had done. A torrent of pee followed the mess which really tested the diapers capacity. She sat trying hard not to let on that anything had happened as the mess spread itself right across her bottom. It wasn't long before people started noticing an awful smell "Eeeewww what the hell is that smell" one guy shouted "It smells like someone shit themselves" "Come on own up, who's the baby that needs their diaper changed then I bet its you John" shouted one of Amy's friends which caused an eruption of laughter Fortunately class was dismissed just a few moments later, and because of the smell no one hung around to find out at the end of class. Amy felt herself blushing bright red as she thought about her current situation. She would now have to walk through school in a loaded diaper. As she got up she felt absolutely disgusting feeling that her accident was all stuck to her butt.... She waddled her way through school, keeping a low profile trying to avoid engaging with anyone, eventually arriving at the disabled restroom where Chloe and the others were waiting for her.. They were all smiling as she walked in and they locked the door "What's wrong diaper girl you don't look very happy?" The girls then noticed the smell "well well, it looks like someone needed her diaper after all" Lift her skirt girls Amy helplessly stood there as the 3 girls lifted her skirt revealing her rather full adult diaper..... "Eeeewwww that's fucking gross I can't believe you actually shat yourself" "That thing is full to bursting point HAHAHA" "Please can I at least change it before my next class" asked Amy "Well we can't leave the diaper girl in a mess like that can we? Buuutt.... babies don't change themselves, do they Amy?" They had to be kidding, there was no way she wanted them changing her, that would just be too humiliating "Look please I can do it myself I don't need you to do it" replied Amy "Oh don't worry, we weren't planning on changing you, did you really think we would want to go near that thing?" gesturing to her bulging diaper Now she was worried, what the hell did they have planned for her???? "What is gonna happen is we are going to escort you down the hallway to the nurse's office, and you will go in and tell her you need her to change your diaper" "Wait, what the fuck... you've got to be kidding?" "Oh no, we're definitely, definitely not kidding..........unless you would prefer us to escort you back into the hallway with maybe let's say your skirt missing?" "Oh my god please no, I'll go to the nurse" "Well well, it looks like someone's finally found herself some manners" Now Amy was very, very worried, apart from the fact it would mean walking back through the crowded school hallways while everyone was on their lunch break, it was mainly because the school nurse was a lady called Clare who happened to be the mother of one of her closest friends Lexi, and she happened to know her extremely well. Amy had been over to Lexi's house on many an occasion and even stayed the night a few times. She was now seriously worried about what was about to happen! She couldn't even fathom having to tell Clare, she, a girl supposed to be the same age as her daughter was wearing a diaper, her cheeks blushed at the mere thought, let alone have Clare actually fucking change her like she were some potty training little kid that had had an accident, even though she knew Clare would be bound to patient confidentiality.. The girls then marched Amy through the crowded hallways towards the nurses' office, which caused more than a few wrinkled noses and disgusted faces, as fellow students were hit by the smell. Most of whom were at least a year or two younger than Amy. All she could do was pray to God that none of them figured out the source of the smell to be from beneath the pleated skirt of the hot senior as she continued her journey through the halls with an ever present crinkle from between her legs, only made worse by the diaper being expanded to it's full capacity... Chloe, Jess and Natalie all walked along close behind Amy feeling delighted with how this was panning out. All Amy wanted was to get to the nurses office without drawing any attention to her extremely bulky backside. The diaper was so heavy it sagged dangerously close to the hem of her skirt Chloe had other ideas... "You know Amy you really do have a great butt don't you" as she smacked Amy's thickly padded rear which caused quite a loud crinkle sound, before flicking the back of her skirt up giving the girls a quick glimpse of Amy's bulging diapered ass in plain view of everyone in the hallway as they all giggled away.... Amy quickly yanked down the back of her skirt hoping that no one had observed her exposed diaper.... Eventually getting to the nurses office, she went in and sat in the small waiting area, thankfully the giggling girls all waited outside so she was sat on her own. There was no one else in the waiting area which Amy was thankful of, constantly aware of the messy diaper that sagged from her butt. 5 minutes later the nurse came through from out in the main hallway, she was holding a packaged sandwich, Amy realised she must have been returning with her lunch. As she walked in she recognised Amy immediately, speaking as she continued walking through to her office.. "Hi Amy how are you doing? I haven't seem you for ages, I'll call you through in just a few minutes ok" said the smiling nurse "Hi Clare, uhhh yeah ok" replied a rather nervous Amy She felt worse about what was about to happen because of the fact Clare wasn't your typical old nurse that you often see at schools, in fact she was anything but. Amy had often admired how pretty she was. Clare was only in her late 30's having had Lexi at quite a young age and she looked good on it. She had an amazing smile and a perfect figure, as well as having more than ample sized breasts. As she sat there she thought about whether there was any possible way out of this situation, realising there really wasn't unless she wanted the whole school to find out this popular cheerleader still needed diapers at night.. A few minutes later, Amy could hear a commotion from outside in the hallway, soon the door to the waiting area flew open and what seemed like half the school soccer team came flooding through the door, helping one of their mates who had clearly hurt his leg... Amy tried to avoid any interaction with the group of lads as she sat feeling the mess in her diaper had spread itself right across her butt.... A couple of them made a comment that something smelled pretty bad which did nothing to help Amy's situation They banged on the nurses office door and moments later Clare came out to see what was going on, finding the soccer players holding up their injured teammate. "Look Amy, I know you were here first but do you mind if I deal with this young man first, that is unless your here for something particularly urgent" Ignoring the uncomfortable diaper she could feel crinkling with every little movement she made Amy spoke "Oh no uuummm it's alright I can wait" replied Amy, definitely not wanting to bring any attention to herself as the group of boys looked over at her. Amy then sat there waiting for about 10 minutes, feeling more and more nervous about what was about to happen, before the door finally opened. The boys all came out, along with the injured boy who was now using some crutches. Moments later Clare came out and called Amy in... "So Amy how can I help?" "Well to be honest, it's uuummm...... it's something quite embarrassing" stumbled Amy "Look Amy, don't worry, I'm sure it's probably something I've heard or seen a hundred times, and you can be assured that whatever you tell me stays strictly between us ok" "Ok. Well uuuu... what it is.... is that uuu.... recently I've been struggling with having a bit of a bad stomach and well, with exams coming up I uuuuu...don't want to go off sick and miss any classes so I've kind of taken a bit of a precaution" lied Amy as she stood up revealing the waistband of her diaper to Clare Clare looked a bit taken aback seeing Amy reveal that she was wearing a diaper. "Oh gosh Amy you poor thing" "I uuuummmm.... kind of had an accident and need some help changing it" hanging her head in shame feeling her cheeks now burning red Clare couldn't believe what she was hearing, a mature girl, 18 years old and a close friend of her daughter Lexi was asking her to change her dirty diaper. Trying to put her personal thoughts aside Clare tried hard to remain professional. "Of course Amy, if you can just slip your skirt off and lie down on the bed I'll help you get cleaned up" Amy felt herself glowing red having to admit to Clare that she needed her diaper changed, as she took her skirt off revealing her well padded butt before lying down, which made her mess spread further up the back of her diaper. "Do you have a spare Amy as we don't currently have any need to stock any diapers" Amy knew this was Clare basically saying no other student in the whole school wets or messes themselves so we don't have any, which made her feel a little worse about her situation knowing she also was in the highest year group as well. "Uuuhhh.... yeah I've got another one in my bag" "That's great, it's ok you stay there I'll get it out" said Clare who was a little shocked by the sight of Amy lying there in what looked like a pretty full diaper. She had dealt with many diaper changes in her time, but only babies and toddlers, never someone anywhere near Amy's age, even in her days as a babysitter.... Clare rummaged through to the bottom of Amy's bag where she found the spare diaper. Getting some wipes ready and putting some rubber gloves on, Nurse Clare began the task of changing Amy. She really couldn't believe what she was dealing with as she undid the tapes on the front of the diaper finding it to be just as bad as it looked. This was a girl that most guys at the school had their eye on, who was a regular on the cheerleading team and yet here she in such a compromised state lying in front of her in a very, very, messy diaper as if she were still a baby. It made her think that she was glad that her own daughter didn't still have issues like this, but she knew Lexi was far more mature than that. As she changed Amy, being a mother she noticed something that made her suspicious of Amy's story. On both of Amy's sides she appeared to have a bit of diaper rash, which Clare could tell wasn't caused by wearing diapers just a few times, she knew this would have only been caused by daily diaper use over a prolonged period, probably of at least a few weeks. This made her think back to the times Amy had stayed over at her house wondering if she had been wearing diapers then.. Despite the mess, Nurse Clare made fairly quick work of changing Amy, and before she knew it Amy was all taped up into a fresh diaper. "There we are, that's all done Amy" Without thinking Clare patted Amy's padded bottom as she began standing up. As soon as she'd done it she realised that it probably wasn't a very professional thing to have done, but rather than make a big deal of it and apologise she just pretended it hadn't happened... This only added to Amy's embarrassment. It was only a small thing, but it was something mothers did to their young children, not something that an 18 year expected to have done by the school nurse.... It was as if Clare had decided to treat her like a baby, just because of the diaper... Amy stood up and promptly pulled down her skirt, glad the ordeal was over, but still feeling totally embarrassed at what Clare had just done... "If you need help again don't be afraid to pop back in Amy" Amy had never felt so embarrassed in her whole life... She couldn't bring herself to say much as she adjusted her clothing to hide the rustling undergarment before leaving "uuuummm, yeah ok" was all she could muster Back in the hallway, as expected the little brats were all waiting for her to return.... Chloe continued to be charming and unsubtle... "So how did it go then friend" "How the fuck do you think?" Replied a frustrated Amy, not taking kindly to Chloe's sarcasm.. "Now, now, don't be like that.... unless that is.....you want everyone to get another, maybe slightly longer glimpse of what's under your skirt.." As she said this Chloe slowly walked right up close to a now slightly scared Amy... "Speaking of which I need to check you're wearing your correct underwear........or should I say under.......garment" Chloe reached behind Amy, touching her skirt, before shocking Amy by lowering her hand and reaching under the back of her skirt where she firmly squeezed Amy's diaper in plain view of all the other students. Amy felt mortified having this take place in the hallway "There's a good baby wearing her diapey, it might not be long before we let you out of them if you start being a good girl.... Chloe was making the most of every moment of her newfound power over the bullying cheerleader.......and she didn't intend for it to stop anytime soon....

Dan was a troubled 16yr old boy, he wasn't good at school, his grades were falling, although he tried his best. He was also wetting the bed and not cleaning up after himself after a bowel movement. His parents, George and Brenda getting fed up with his laziness, and Tina decided that she would put a plan into action into getting him to stop acting like such a toddler..... It all started when he came home from school one Friday evening. He was late in, he had detention and he had lied to his mom saying he had a soccer match. Although she knew he lied and she hated lying. Dan walks in his house, nervous and hoping no one was home, but boy was he in for a shock......

As I’ve written of elsewhere, since last summer, when I returned to wearing diapers and reconnected here, I’ve been wrestling emotionally with my relationship with diapers. Like the swings of Hegel’s Dialectic, I starting wearing diapers every day, then pushed them to the back of my cupboard (years ago, I learned that disposing of diapers was nothing but a terrible expense and mistake—the absence of diapers didn’t deter me in the way I wished and it was then necessary to expend more money when the compulsion to be in diapers reasserted itself) and denied that I needed diapers. The swings became wider, the compulsion returned. I would spend hours in the chat, then days away from it while ‘not diapered’. In fact my life was divided between ‘being diapered’ and ‘not diapered’. I’ve worn diapers since 1996. I started in part because of need and most definitely also for sexual pleasure. It was a tortuous path. As a form of sexual excitement, I would imagine myself slipping into, or being forced into, incontinence. Then, it nearly happened. My work keep me in a car for stretches of 5-6, even 8 hours sometimes.. Type A, I would resist pee stops for as long as possible—somtimes hours until extremis. Then, one day I stopped at a rest stop—aching to pee—releived myself and climbed back into the car. As I returned onto the highway, I wet myself. I had, the urologist said, an distended bladder. I wasn’t getting the necessary signal from a full bladder and still had essentially a full bladder after relieving myself. I took to wearing diapers and just wetting in the car. A workable solution it seemed. The urologist was furious. This, he said, would lead to incontinence—permanent incontinence. Over the years, I played with that notion. Why being incontinent held appeal I just don’t know. But, the idea of slipping into incontinence enticed me. In her last year of life, my mother asked if I would return home, live with her and take care of her. She wanted to pass away at home, in her own bed. She knew my siblings wouldn’t allow it. I promised her. At the same time, I was taking finally after years of hormone therapy begining my life publically as a woman. Suddenly, as a woman I was battling with my siblings to protect my mother’s wises, and justifying who I had become. I became incontinent at night, regressing into infancy to protect myself. My psychologist put me into the disability healthcare plan where I’ve remained. Continence did return. After gender reassignment surgery (I have the most beautiful vagina now) another issue presented—the susceptibility to UTIs. When that happened I was again incontinent. The disability program did cover the cost of diapers and the counsellor gave me the forms to apply. I was simply too embarassed, and, true be known ashamed because I felt so excited by the prospect. Which brings me to the present and the issue I face today. I love being in diapers—I don’t know why. In the period since last summer, I again requested the forms for my healthcare to cover the cost of diapers. You have to personally request the forms. I did. They said on my desk for months. The forms require a doctor’s verification of need. I got a UTI, another of many, at least 3 or 4 a year which I get and when to the doctor’s for antibiotics. Although, with me, in my purse, I didn’t have the nerve to ask. ”Well, we’re done, Is there anything else?” ”I have forms here that will provide diapers for me while incontinent. Will you sign them?” He took the forms and read them. “This is for fulltime permanent incontinence. Is that what you need?”” ”Well, I’m already wearing diapers a lot, so it’s just easier to wear them all the time.” ”Are you sure?” ”Yes... I like wearing diapers.” He excused himself to consult another doctor. He returned with the forms signed. “I’ll chart you as permanently incontinent. Certainly, you’re not quite there, but I suspect that you will become incontinent with time, given that you’re already in diapers.” I took the signed form. I had become “permanently incontinent”. My stomach was in knots. The forms sat on my desk for a week. I chatted here. I fretted. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I was both scared and so excited. Finally, I sent the forms in to my counsellor for approval. My counsellor now had in writing that I was “permanently incontinent”. A day passed and I finally phoned a supplier. She was ever so kind and arranged to send sample diapers and connect with my counsellor. Diapers would come every month, enough pull-ups for 5 changes during the day and a proper diaper for each night. These would arrive each month, and my face flushed as I realized just how big the boxes would be. “We have you as a client now.” I’m now “permanently incontinent”. In the next week, as I wait for the first shipment, I’m wearing cloth diapers and plastic panties. I’ve started wearing full-time. I sense when I’m about to wet, then it just happens. Yesterday, regret and shame came over me and I changed into panties. Do I want this to happen? Can I slow the drift into incontinence? The afternoon in panties became uncomfortable. There wasn’t a moment I didn’t feel the need to pee. I began to fret. Finally, in the everting, I diapered. As I made a sandwich in the kitchen not 10 minutes later, I only realized that I was wetting by the wet warmth and changing weight of my diaper. My heart and stomach lurched. Could I get through the night, now? At bedtime, I spread out a diaper pad for security. Could I go the night without a diaper? Can this actually happen this fast? It’s not possible, I knew but put on a diaper. I didn’t have the courage not to wear a diaper. Is that how incontinence takes hold? Not by actual need but because your confidence slips away and once in diapers, your body simply decides not to care. Today, I tried the same thing. Waking in a wet diaper, I bathed and diapered. I wet every few minutes, small amounts. I changed after the 3rd wetting. At lunch, I bathed and put on panties. I tried to do some housework, some reading, to be busy. There was no moment that I didn’t feel that I was about to wet myself. It was so tiring. I decided to walk the dog but stood conflicted at the door in panties: “What if I wet myself on the walk?” I changed into a diaper. I wet myself on the walk. I did sense it, but to hold until I was home would be a strain. I relaxed... and pooped as I wet. I’ve had a bath and put on a diaper wash. I had dinner without having a diaper on. I read a bit lying on the couch. With a diaper sheet under me. I decided to write this and put on a diaper. And as I’ve written, I’ve wet myself. I’m not trying to be incontinent, but I am surely allowing it to happen. For my counsellor and doctor and a supplier I am “permanently incontinent”. A few days ago, I told my best friend that I wore diapers at night. Her initial reaction with sympathy, but I told her that I liked being in diapers. To my surprise, the next day, she hugged me and said she felt ‘so special’ that I had shared wearing diapers with her and allowed that as a mother of two she was also challenged with wetting herself during the day. For her a change of panties and a pad was sufficient. Expense was always the impediment to me just allowing myself to slip into incontinence. I’ve yet to figure out why I wish this. I’m certainly concerned about the implications of incontinence. I’m 64 and live with a roommate, with whom I share my house. She is a minister. I have recently told her that I wear diapers—a bit late probably because she’s seen my cloth diapers and plastic panties in the dryer or clean laundry hamper. I’m writing this as much for myself as you. It’s just minutes from 7:00pm. I’m diapered and wet. In just days, if I put on a diaper, it seems that I just wet; if I don’t wear a diaper, I fret. If I have to take the bus, will I now be too afraid to go undiapered. If I want to walk my dog will I now be too afraid to wear just panties? Am I suddenly “permanently incontinent”.

I was a young bedwetter as a child alway's woke up wet ever morning till i was eleven, Alway's stole my younger brother nappies to try and hide the situation, This has probably what made me into the DL I am today. Now into my forties and want to go back to bedwetting everynight again. how can i retrain my bladder and myself to learn to wet uncontrollable really want to wake up wet every morning again. Help Needed

Hi there fellow ABDL ! After spending several days trying to work out the practical side of 24/7 diaper wearing and wetting, I have come to the conclusion that the comfort would not balance the incomfort for me, and I have eventually dropped the idea at all. Initially, I had thought of losing day-time continence as a means to achieve bed-wetting, which is my real goal. DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN REACH THAT GOAL AND BECOME A BED-WETTER WHILE KEEPING MY DAY-TIME CONTINENCE ? How should I go about it ? What is the specific training (or reprogrammation) for that ? Is it possible to train my bladder sphyncter to regress to the newborn automatic functioning while asleep in my bed, and to switch back to grown-up functioning when I'm awake ? How long may it take to achieve that goal ? Do you know efficient hypnosis MP3s which could help me with that ? Thanking you wholeheartedly in advance, nice hugs to everybody, Chris (Totophe)

I posted an article on my blog with the same title as the title of this thread, but I thought I'd post an excerpt here since I have commenting turned off on my blog. And the group here is never short or suggestions or comments on this topic. Why People Fail in Their Goal to Start Bedwetting: They do not have a workable plan. They think they can just drink a bunch of water or whatever before bedtime and it will magically start. They are not confident that their diapers will work. Or they worry about leaks. You must be 100% comfortable with wetting your bed in any position at any time, and must be completely indifferent to the possibility of leaks. If they wake up with the urge to go, they have to get themselves into position or check things out before letting go. That’s a brick wall in your progress. They give up too soon Here's the full article: http://ourbedwettingfun.com/why-people-fail-in-the-goal-to-start-bedwetting/

Just here to say hello. I've lurked for years. Had an account years ago but never did much with it. Worn diapers for fun and pleasure and convenience for a lot longer. Signed up to tell a bit of my story. Taking an unusual approach to trying to get a good night's sleep without waking up to use the restroom: learning the art of bed-wetting. But that's described in my post today over in Incontinent Desires. So I'll not say more so I don't get in trouble for duplicating the content here or cross-posting. (Sort of like the hockey penalty of cross-checking, I guess.) Bob

I have a fitted white poly cotton blend absorbing pad on my bed under the sheets and over top of the mattress protector. Ive used it for quite a while although its still in good condition. Its not frayed and has no holes in it. The only problem is that its got some rather noticeable urine staining that wont come out even after washing. I didnt worry about it too much until a friend was visiting a few months ago after I was in the hospital and she did some cleaning and laundry for me and commented on the stains. I told her the situation was illness related and she said nothing more about it but it was embarassing anyway. Is there away to remove these stains from the pad?

I have found the largest baby diapers in the world! Being a diaper collector I have searched all over collecting the largest sizes in baby diaper lineups. They are called Darlings baby diapers. this is the size 7 (largest size they actually manufacture). They are rated at 24-36kg children, or the average 6-12 year old child. Measurements are the same as the GoodNites and DryNites size XL. They are manufactured in Kuwait and only available to the people of Kuwait. A great find for collectors! I have some sealed unopened packages of these Diapers as well as samples available for sale or trade. Would like to talk with other collectors whi collect the same kind of diapers. See images.

At long last I was starting college. No more of the oppressive rules I had to grow up with. No more being punished for something I could not help. I started to unpack before my new roommate got here. My mother had just left and I had to be good, as I did not want her to expose my secrets to the dorm. I pulled all my clothes out of my trunk and started hanging them in my closet. Then I took my supply of Depends out of the bags and put them in the trunk. You see, I wet the bed. This has been the source of many problems over the years and I want to keep it hidden. I then took a combination lock and locked the trunk. Now that my secret was hidden, at least until that night I arranged the rest of my room and got every thing organized. I did not want to argue with my new roommate, so I took the smaller desk and I set up my laptop. I checked that I could connect to the network and thus satisfied, I arranged my textbooks on the shelf above my bed. It was a small room, but I had only brought some clothes and my computer, so I was in good shape. I then made my bed. There was a plastic sheet on my bed and I bit my lip, embarrassed. "Did my mother tell them about my problem?" I thought. I glanced over to my roommate's bed. She had just stopped in, threw her stuff on the bed and went to the bookstore. "No, her bed has a plastic sheet too. They must have put them on all the dorm beds." I lay on top of my bed and stared at the stuff on hers. She had 4 boxes, 2 suitcases, and what looked like some computer equipment. She was still getting raped by the bookstore. I had some time. Maybe I should just peek in her suitcases. No, I would not do that. What if she looked through my stuff? I would not like that. During the brief period of time I saw her, (when we were assigned our room and she brought her stuff from her car) she asked me if I would go to Wal-Mart with her. I lay on my bed waiting for her. Her parents had taken her to breakfast before she went to get her textbooks. My mother took me straight to the bookstore after I unloaded my stuff. I did not argue with her as I had time to unpack. I was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. It was rather hot and I would rather be wearing less. However, I was embarrassed to not be covered more because of some things that happened back home. Since I started wetting the bed my mother made me wear diapers at night. I did not mind too much because it was more comfortable then sleeping in wet sheets. However as I got older, the punishments got worse. When I got to the age that the other girls were starting to shave their legs, my mother said I couldn't until I stopped wetting the bed. I got teased from that time until I graduated. I had some nicknames like Butch Beth and Harry-legged Liz. I also was never allowed to have makeup. When I started high school, on days that I wet the bed, I had to wear diapers starting when I got home from school. I did get a reprieve during times when we were out of the house, but when we got home again it was back in diapers for me. So today, I am not wearing diapers. I will tonight, but I need them tonight. I want to go to Wal-Mart today, so I can get some razors and stuff and finally be able to compete with other girls for boyfriends. The bedwetting thing will hurt my chances, but I do not think I can handle being called Betsy Wetsy and Butch Beth. I grabbed my computer and started playing Solitaire. I was on my 4th game when the door opened suddenly. My new roommate walked in with an armload of books and dumped them on her desk. She waved goodbye to her parents and closed the door. "Hi," I managed to stutter. "Sorry, I had no time to get introduced earlier," she said smiling. "I'm Vikki." "And I'm Elisabeth," I said. "You can call me Beth, if you do not prefix it with anything." "Oops, bad high school nickname, huh? Well I got to get unpacked, then we can catch the bus to Wal-Mart," she said. "How do you know where everything is?" I asked. "My older brother just graduated from here last year," she answered, "He told me where everything is." I lay down and started thumbing through one of my textbooks while she unpacked. She hung up all her clothes and pulled a TV out of one of the boxes and set it on here desk. She also set up her computer. The other boxes she just stacked on the floor of her closet. I did not get to see their contents. She booted up her computer, and with some minor swearing, got it onto the network and then checked the bus schedule. "Okay, its 15 minutes until the next bus." She glanced at my long sleeved shirt and jeans. "You have time to put on something a little more suited to the weather." "No, I am fine," I said. "Aren't you hot in that?" she asked me. "Yes, but I will change into something cooler, when we get back from Wal-Mart." "Okay, suit yourself," she said, "It gets hot here." We caught the bus and headed down to the Wal-Mart. I stocked up on chips and pretzels and then went to the beauty supplies. I headed over to the razors and grabbed some shaving cream and disposable razors and threw them in my cart. I then went to the make up area and selected some various items. "Girl, that is the wrong color for you!" Vikki said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Isn't lipstick supposed to be red?" "Well it depends on the person, but I guarantee that bright red lipstick does not go well with bright red hair. The eye shadow you picked clashes with your green eyes. Here get these instead." She selected similar items of more suitable colors. Here I was exposed as a make up buying rookie. The next thing I know she will find out about how hairy I am. I had to get prettied up. If I continued to be ugly and a bed wetter both, no one would ever like me. Vikki was nice so far. I hoped she would continue to be nice if she found out my secret. We got what we needed and headed back to the bus stop. We took the bus back to the dorm and went to our room. As I was unlocking the door, Vikki whispered desperately in my ear, "Hurry up! I really got to pee." I opened the door and she fled past me into the bathroom. I gathered my bathroom stuff together to take a shower and added in my new shaving cream and razors. Then I put the other stuff I bought away. I carefully stocked the refrigerator with the computer scientist's secret weapon: Mountain Dew. I knew I shouldn't drink it with the bedwetting, but not being allowed to drink sodas all these years did not make a difference one way or another in the number of night time accidents. She came out and said, "Hey, lets get a pizza!" "I am okay with a pizza, but can't we do it later, I need a shower now," I said. "Sure, go ahead," she said. "You look all sweaty. I told you to put on shorts." "I will be awhile," I said. "Are you sure you don't need anything in there?" "No, it is all yours," she said. "Go for it." I grabbed my stuff and headed for the bathroom. I peeled of the sweaty layers of clothes and got naked. "Goodbye, Butch Beth," I said and stepped in the shower. After washing, I smeared shaving cream all over my legs and pulled out one of my razors. I then started shaving. I never realized how hard it was. I never had a father to watch how he shaves his face, and women always shave their legs in the shower, so there is never an audience. I shaved off a big chunk of skin the first time. Then after a few nicks, I got the hang of it. I made it through with no fewer than five nicks and the big cut. Then I had to shave the other leg. This time it was easier. I got it done with only one knick. I was then done. I then looked down at my under arms. How was I supposed to shave those? After twisting myself like a pretzel I got into the right position and finally finished. I rinsed off and inspected myself for missed spots. Satisfied, I said, "Goodbye Butch Beth, Hello Pretty Beth." I smiled and then blushed. I hoped Vikki didn't hear me say that. I slid on the non-granny panties and matching bra I got at Wal-Mart and then put a little sleeveless number and khaki shorts on. I had them both and wore them a few times before, but I was always teased when I did so, so I stopped. Now with a few passes with a razor, I looked pretty, not ridicules. I cleaned up the bottom of the shower, which was now a hairy mess, and got every thing gathered up. My self-esteem was rising. I then tried to dab the bloody spot with some toilet paper. It was still bleeding a bit, but it was mostly stopped. It was worth it I thought. I came out and put my stuff away. "Did you just cut yourself in there?" Vikki asked. Does she notice everything? She problem guessed I am a leg-shaving rookie too. And she problem will find out about the bedwetting. This is too close of quarters to hide. What am I going to do? "I cut it a little bit," I answered, "Its stopped now." "Just be careful," she said, "Now I am ready for that pizza." We ate pizza and watched TV all afternoon. We also ran around the dorms meeting people and having fun until bedtime. I got separated from Vikki, and it was late anyway, so I went back to my room. I would have to figure out how to keep my secret a secret. How could I open my trunk and grab a diaper out and put it on without Vikki noticing. If I could get a five minute head start at getting to the room... I open the door and went in. I then notice Vikki had a diaper in her hands. Quickly I closed the door and went to confront her. She snooped through my stuff. My plans of keeping my bedwetting a secret were dashed to the ground. I was in shock. I went up to her and snatched the diaper away from her. "How did you get in my trunk?" I yelled. "You looked through my stuff. I hate you." I turned and ran into the bathroom where I fell to the floor and started balling. What is she going to think? I need diapers and still ball like a baby. My brand new make up was running down my face and now the whole campus would know in a matter of minutes that I wet the bed and wear diapers. Classes hadn't even started yet. Just now she was probably going down the hall waving my diapers around saying, "My roommate wears Depends! Look!" "Let me in!" I heard outside the bathroom door. I was still sobbing. If Vikki thinks I will forgive her... "Give it back!" I heard her yell. "Give what back?" I choked out through sobs. "My thing you took," she said in a lower tone of voice. I slowly opened the door. Her face was bright red. She seemed to be embarrassed. "Give it back," she said pointing at the diaper. "So you can show everyone in the dorm what you found in your roommate's trunk," I said, "I thought we were friends." "I don't know what you are talking about. I am certainly not going to show anyone," she said. "Fine. How did you get in my trunk?" I asked. "It was locked." "Are you saying you have diapers in your stuff too?" she asked. She seemed to feel a little better. "Yeah," I mumbled. I looked down at the floor. "See these are mine." she said. She showed me one of the boxes in her closet. It had two bags of Depends in it. One was open. I opened my trunk. My diapers seemed to be intact. "I guess I owe you an apology. I was trying so hard to hide my night time problem, that when I saw you with one, I only assumed it was mine and the whole campus would find out. I thought you would be mean to me too." "Well I guess there is no harm," she said. "At least we don't have to hide it from each other. I might have reacted the same way if I caught you with a diaper in your hand." I grabbed one of my own diapers. "Well we should get these on for bed then," I suggested. We our are diapers on the comfortable way. We put them on while lying in bed, instead of standing in the bathroom trying to get the tapes right. "Do you think the put the plastic sheet on our beds because we are both bedwetters?" I asked. "No," Vikki answered, "All the beds in the dorm have plastic on them. It's not just for wetters. People drink and puke on them and spill stuff. No one will think that." "Oh, I didn't think about that." "So tell me, was today the first time you shaved your legs or wore makeup?" "Um, yes." "I thought so," she said smiling as she reached to turn off the light. "No one could pick such horrendous colors or cut themselves that many times without being a newbie." "I would have, but my mother wouldn't let me until I stopped wetting the bed. I got called horrible names, like Butch Beth." "I don't think you look butch at all," she said, "I got called Icky Vikki all the time because I had an accident or two a year." "I've been there. I once wet on stage at state choir competition. Even even the choir director called me Betsy Wetsy. My name was Betsy Wetsy in the program for the next concert." "Ouch," said Vikki. "My mother would have put me in diapers for a week during the day as punishment for that." "Yours too?" I asked. "At least you could do things to be pretty. I had to wear shorts or dresses with hairy legs. I got teased left and right." "I am glad you are my room mate," Vikki said. "I am glad you are my room mate too," I repeated. "By the way, when we have exams, we should wear protection. There are no bathroom breaks during exams," Vikki said. "Well lets get some sleep," I said. "Okay, good night."

Chapter one The first thing Amber was aware of as she woke up was that her head was a little fuzzy. She groaned as she realised that she had too much to drink last night. The next thing she became aware of was that she was not in her bed, but on her friend Samantha’s sofa, and Sam was stood over her looking very pissed off. “Look at what you’ve done,” said Sam. Amber followed Sam’s gaze down to her crotch, and realised that she was lying in a wet patch. She reached under the skirt she was still wearing from the night before and felt that the tights underneath were wet, and clinging to her. “I…I don’t understand,” said Amber as she began to realise what had happened. “Let me clear things up for you then,” said Sam, “You had too much to drink, embarrassed yourself at the party by laying across some old perv’s lap so he could ‘spank’ you, then you came back here with me, because you were worried that your mum would be annoyed if you came home that drunk. You woke up all the neighbours on the way in, and my little brother and sister. Then you collapsed on my sofa and to top it all off, you’ve gone and pissed yourself all over it.” “I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed,” said Amber. She wasn’t lying. The rest of it was quite bad, but wetting herself was incredibly humiliating. She’d never had an accident, at least not since being old enough to remember. Holly, a girl at school a few years back had, and she had been teased mercilessly for it, and Amber had joined in with the teasing. One particular comment was coming back to haunt her now. Amber had told Holly that if she still wet her knickers like a baby, she should wear nappies. Amber had thought it funny at the time. She didn’t anymore. “You should be embarrassed, and you will be. You’re my friend, and I’ve tried to warn you not to drink so much when we go out. Anything could happen to you. Luckily for you, my parents are away, so I can teach you a little lesson today.” “Teach me a lesson?” asked Amber. She didn’t like where this was heading. “Yes. You won’t like it, but just in case you get any ideas…” Sam showed Amber a picture on her phone. It showed Amber, lying on the sofa in the school uniform costume she had worn to the party last night. Her face was clearly visible. As if the puddle she was lying in wasn’t telling enough, her knees were up and her legs parted, giving a clear view up her skirt. It was very obvious that she had wet herself. “Are you blackmailing me?” asked Amber. “I guess I am,” said Sam. “I don’t want to send this to anybody. If you do as you’re told, you’re going to have a very embarrassing time, but it won’t leave this house. If you refuse to co-operate, then this goes out to all our friends. Your call.” Amber thought about it, but only briefly. That picture could not get out. She had seen what had happened to Holly, had been part of it, when she had wet herself, and they had all been younger then. She didn’t want everybody knowing her dirty secret. “What do you want me to do?” Amber asked.

I seem to be leaking around or through my plastic pants at night a lot. I'm looking for any advice. I'm on the heavy side at 330lbs (but it is dropping.) This tends to work but can be uncomfortable: Nothshore XL diaper. These work well if my penis is properly positioned to allow flow between my legs if I'm on my back but that no longer works. My penis tends to retract when flaccid so I tend to have sideways flow and that is not trapped by the disposable diaper. I already know my plastic pants need to be high-rise and my current set are not. This tends to leave a gap at my lower back. I have one pair(?) of diaper underwear that I wear over the disposable. This does a good job of capturing side overflow but can add too much bulk and lead to lower back pain. With high-rise plastic pants, this should prevent leaks. I have also tried a combination of the Northshore diaper and a plastic backed underwear liner worn out side of the diaper inside of some large underwear. Plastic side out. This works but there is the added cost. I'm thinking what I need to try is a 1 layer thick contoured velcro pre-fold flannel diaper instead of the diaper pants. (Pins are a no-go.) Has any one else, especially if obese, tried anything like this? I just received a new set of hi-backed plastic pants so the gaps should be gone tonight. In addition to this, I have the full mattress cover and over that I have an area cover that covers my side of the bed and over that I have 2-3 absorbent pads from North Shore. Then the top sheet.This way if I soak the bed, I can easily remove the absorbent pads and then just place a thin flannel pre-fold diaper over the damp sheet. (As I am large, the pre-fold diapers are freaking huge.) I can't do cloth diapers as I can't sleep if I feel wet. The whole point of the diaper is so I can sleep and not get up 4 or 5 times a night. Any other suggestion would appreciated.

Does anyone have an image they can post of the packaging and diaper of the Kuddles size 6 from Winn Dixie Supermarkets?

Hi everyone, I know of a few different posters on here who follow my Amazon Kindle Ebooks so I just wanted to post Chapter One of my latest release. Follow the link if you'd like to read the whole novella. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077W8YR2M Chapter I: Backseat Blues Scared and confused, Cam stood in his kitchen wearing only a disposable diaper and a short shirt. He tried to pull the shirt down to cover himself but it was no use. The gorgeous blonde woman in front of him giggled at him, her eyes still wide with amazement. Her name was Amber and he knew her well. "I just can’t believe that you’re a senior in high school and you’re not even potty trained yet!” she said, shaking her head. “I’m potty trained.” Cam whined, tears in his eyes. “Uh… apparently not because your mommy still has you in diapers.” Amber said. “Yeah, but I don’t need them! This is all my mom’s fault.” “Sounds like the baby is getting cranky. Does he want his pacifier?” Then to his disbelief, she pulled out a blue pacifier with a picture of Mickey Mouse on the mouth guard. Slipping it into his mouth, he began sucking on it vigorously as she smiled and shook her head at him. “Aw, does the baby like his binky?” Amber cooed. Then with an abrupt gasp, Cam opened his eyes, jolting himself awake. The seatbelt around his chest seemed to lock up on him. Catching his breath and squinting in the afternoon sunlight, he returned to reality watching the scenery on the side of the highway pass him by. ‘What a fucking nightmare!’ Cam thought to himself. Luckily, Cam hadn’t had any accidents while he was asleep. He must have only dozed off for a few minutes. Checking his phone, he saw that he had no new text messages. That wasn’t much of a surprise. It wasn’t as though he was popular by any stretch. Sitting in the back seat of the car, Cam stared at the screen on his smart phone as he scrolled through one picture after another. Amber Mayberry. She certainly wasn’t shy about posting photos of herself on social media and for that, Cam was grateful. An otherwise tedious afternoon drive had now become a chance to reacquaint himself with the gorgeous blonde in the photos, as if he could forget. The shy 18 year old boy in the car, eyes fixed on his phone, felt almost nervous at the thought of seeing Amber again after so long. Cam’s older sister Chloe had been close friends with Amber for years, ever since the two girls had done gymnastics together in childhood. Cam felt he too could consider Amber a friend but only by proxy. There were times in his younger years when Amber had been a frequent visitor to their house but always to hang out with his sister. The time Cam had spent with her over the years was merely a result of his sister being friendly and trying to occasionally include her younger brother in their activities. Cam always jumped at the chance to spend time with them, even if he did feel like a third wheel. Like Cam’s sister, Amber was a full four years older than Cam. So when Chloe graduated high school and left for college a few years ago, so did Amber. Despite the fact that Cam had always had a crush on Amber, on some level, he knew that the age difference was just too insurmountable. As a high school senior, Cam got nervous enough talking to girls his own age. The idea of making any romantic progress with a college girl, even Amber, just seemed too outrageous. Sure, he was legally an adult but he doubted that Amber would see him as such. The last time he had been in the same room with her, Cam was certain that he’d looked even more childish than he did now. Cam had only recently hit his growth spurt and while he wasn’t exactly tall now, at least the kids at his high school no longer mistook him for a freshman! If nothing else, at least Amber wouldn’t be too much taller than him. Even mere photos of Amber seemed to contain a sort of raw sexual energy. He couldn’t help but bite his lip as he looked at a picture from last summer of Amber standing in the afternoon sun with her golden blonde hair tied into a cute ponytail. She donned a pair of cutoff, high waisted jean shorts that showed off her long legs. The top she was wearing showed off her midriff, her flat smooth abs on display. Her breasts looked even bigger than Cam remembered. Cam frowned as he felt his erection pressing up against the thick padding between his legs. Trying to adjust his seatbelt, there was an audible crinkling sound under his sweatpants as he squirmed in the backseat. “Are you doing okay back there, sweetie?” his mom asked. “Fine.” Cam said with a sigh. He knew exactly what his mom was asking and the concerned, condescending look that she gave him in the rearview mirror didn’t make him feel any better. “Do you need a bathroom, honey?” “No.” Cam said with a slight groan. With that, the patronizing questions from his mom ceased. Chloe, situated comfortably in the front seat next to their mother, began telling some story about how much she hated her current history professor. Cam was all too happy that the subject had changed and his mind began wandering again. Indeed, the infantile garment under his clothes was yet another reason Cam’s confidence in talking to girls was decidedly lower than other high school seniors his own age. His mortifying bedwetting habit had followed him for years after their family pediatrician predicted it would dissipate. Taking a special medication only seemed to reduce his nighttime accidents rather than eliminating them. So his mother’s insistence that he wear disposable adult diapers to bed was logical enough. As much as Cam hated the diapers, it was slightly less stressful than waking up in a wet bed. As a child, he’d worn pull-ups to bed and was always terrified that Amber might find out. He was embarrassed to his core by the mere thought of Amber noticing the extra padding under his pajama pants at a sleepover or her and Chloe stumbling on a spare package of pull-ups in the hall closet. Yet despite one or two close calls in past years, Cam’s worst fears never seemed to materialize. Both his mom and his sister were sympathetic to his plight and agreed to keep his nighttime problem under the strictest veil of secrecy. The years after Chloe went away to college were almost a relief. Even though his mom had begun purchasing thicker, less discreet adult diapers; it didn’t matter as much if they weren’t having many overnight visitors. There were no more late night sleepovers where Amber might somehow learn his deep, dark secret. Being under the same roof with Amber once again now would be just like old times, which would mean he would have to be even more careful about her finding out. Cam’s bedwetting made any overnight trip potentially cringe worthy and he had been dreading this particular trip ever since his mother had announced it. Unsurprisingly, Cam’s mother had grown pretty close to Amber’s mother over the years and the two women had plenty in common. Both were divorced, both were single parents, both worked in corporate America, and both had daughters in gymnastics for a time. So when Amber’s mother invited them all to their mountain house for Christmas, Cam’s mother eagerly accepted without so much as discussing it with him. Of course, if not for his nighttime problem, Cam probably would have been looking forward to the vacation just as much as his mom and sister were. By all accounts, it was a pretty lavish second home in the Rocky Mountains. Even at 18 years old, Cam could deal with needing to wear diapers to bed. What he couldn’t deal with was his mother’s strict, borderline tyrannical attitude about it. While she treated Chloe like an adult and practically an equal now, he knew that she still saw him as a helpless child. For instance, his mom required him to have a diaper on every night after 9:00. No exceptions. After Cam sprained his wrist during a P.E. basketball game two weeks ago, he began having trouble taping up his diaper before bed. After leaking two nights in a row, his mom insisted on diapering him like a toddler every night! Over the years, Cam’s mom would also often make him wear diapers during the day on occasions when bathrooms wouldn’t be readily available. This policy was mostly enforced on longer car trips but it had been over a year since she had made him wear diapers during the day and Cam had hoped that it had become a thing of the past. While Cam knew he had a small bladder, it had been quite some time since he’d had any accidents during the day. The fact that his disposable diaper was currently dry proved just how wrong his mom had been to make him wear one in the first place. For over three hours now, Cam had demonstrated that he was more than capable of controlling his bladder and holding on until their family reached a gas station or rest stop. In truth, Cam was currently fighting a very slight urge to pee but it certainly wasn’t urgent enough to say anything to his mom quite yet. Before they ever left, Cam had made a commitment to himself that not only would he be accident-free for the entire car ride but that he wouldn’t even ask to use the bathroom unless it was absolutely necessary. Instead, he would simply wait until his mom decided to stop for gas or until her or his sister requested to use the bathroom. Such a commitment on his part would help him to feel a little more in control and it would show his mom just how absurd it was to make him wear a diaper in the first place. With a little luck, this would be the last time she would make him wear diapers during the day. Maybe he could even convince her that he didn’t need to wear a diaper on the car trip home? Earlier in their trip, undoing the top two tapes of his diaper and sliding his penis out over the top to pee had proven tricky but it was far better than the alternative. At times like that, he couldn’t help but envy how effortless it was for everyone else around him to use the toilet. His diapers weren’t designed to make it easy for him to use the bathroom. Actually, they weren’t designed for him to use the bathroom at all! That was one thing Cam truly hated about wearing diapers during the day. It was as if his mom expected him to have an accident. If nothing else, at least she could have purchased a different brand for him to wear during the daytime. He could deal with wearing a thick, super-absorbent diaper at night in the privacy of his own bedroom but during the day was something else entirely. He felt as though everyone around him could see the bulge under his pants and hear the crinkle. And they probably could… at least if they were looking for it. Looking once more at Amber’s smiling face in the still photo, Cam had to remind himself that he’d be wearing normal underwear for at least some of the trip. Although Amber might have been older than him and extremely attractive, there was no reason Cam couldn’t at least pretend to be confident around her, at least while he was wearing underwear underneath his clothes. There were times when Cam felt like wearing a diaper in social situations impacted his very personality. For instance, looking his sister in the eye always felt impossible, at least when she knew that he was diapered. As the sun began to set, Cam’s urge to pee was now feeling more urgent. It had certainly been quite some time since their last pit stop. “So are we like… pretty close to the house?” Cam asked. “Yeah actually, it looks like we’re about 30 minutes away. Are you doing okay back there?” his mom asked. “Yeah, fine.” he mumbled, trying to sound confident. “Yeah? Do you need to use the bathroom?” she asked. Cam didn’t respond. “Mom, Amber just texted me. She said that her and her mom got there two hours ago.” Chloe said, sounding annoyed. “Chloe, if your brother needs us to stop so he can use the bathroom, then we’re going to stop. You know he has accidents sometimes.” their mother chided. “I’m fine, really. I don’t need to go.” Cam said. It was a lie but Cam would say anything to avoid this conversation. His control had been fine for the entire trip but still his mom was treating him like he was 4 years old. “Did you have an accident, sweetie?” she pressed. “What? No! Jeez, I’m fine, okay?” “Okay, okay. Calm down. I was just asking.” Annoyed and feeling a little more desperate, Cam tried to cross his legs but the thick padding of his diaper felt like it was forcing them apart. Not only did his diapers make it harder to use the bathroom when he needed it, they made it more difficult to find a comfortable position while he was holding it. Even so, half an hour wasn’t long to wait. Cam tried to remain calm, looking out the window at the dark silhouette of the mountains against the twilight of the pale blue sky. As they pulled off the main highway, he was confident they were now quite close to their destination. Passing by two cabins on the side of the road, Cam wondered what Amber’s family vacation home might look like. It clearly cost money to live in such a scenic neighborhood. Trying to loosen his seatbelt, Cam felt increasing pressure on his bladder as their car drove uphill on an increasingly winding road. It was as if their path traveled in a giant, never ending ‘S’ shape up the mountain. It was then that Cam felt the first spurt of warm pee escape into the crotch of his diaper. Cringing, Cam realized that all was not lost and he was still managing to hold most of his urine. The tiny amount of pee he’d released had been absorbed almost instantly. Though there was no denying that his situation had hit a critical point. Closing his eyes, he reminded himself that he was an adult in every sense of the word. He kept picturing Amber’s gorgeous face and bright blue eyes, imaging how confident he’d be when they finally saw her. That just made him even more nervous though. As their car hit a pothole, Cam instantly felt his body unleash a flood of urine. First, the warm stream cascaded over his balls, trickling between his legs as it was absorbed into the rapidly expanding padding of the diaper. For a moment, he made eye contact with his mom in the rearview mirror again. He hoped it was too dark in the car for her to read his expression. Trying not to squirm, Cam remained still and rigid as he continued peeing uncontrollably into his diaper, feeling the warm saturation flooding into the seat of his diaper as he finished. He couldn’t let his body language reveal how helpless he really was in that moment. Running his hand over the front of his sweatpants, they felt dry. He was lucky. If he hadn’t stopped peeing at that moment, his diaper surely would have flooded and leaked. But the garment had reached the edge of its saturation point. It would hold but it was no longer doing a good job of wicking moisture away from his skin. The result was a warm, damp, clammy feeling that he’d experienced on those mornings where he’d wet heavier than usual. It was the reason his mother insisted on buying the most absorbent disposable diapers on the market. Cam’s heart pounded as he sat quietly in the back seat, acutely aware of his wet diaper; he was in a state of total disbelief. It had been years since he’d had an accident while he was wide awake and at the outset of their trip; he was convinced it couldn’t happen. In the darkness of their moving car, no one could discern what he’d done but it would only be a matter of time. Cam knew from experience that a bulging wet diaper wouldn’t exactly be subtle and he’d certainly be walking funny. Still, with all the excitement of their arrival, not to mention all of the bags and suitcases they were carrying, it might be possible for it to go unnoticed. If nothing else, he was lucky that he hadn’t leaked. If he could just slip away to a bedroom or bathroom as soon as they got into the house, he might be able to hide the evidence. He was confident he could conceal his accident from the others but naturally his mom would be the most suspicious of him. Cam was so lost in thought; he hadn’t bothered to look up at his surroundings until that very moment when his mom pulled back the parking break confirming their arrival. In front of them, stood a massive two-story stone house surrounded by imposing pine trees, all of which had a light dusting of snow on them. “Okay, we’ll step inside and say hi to everyone and then we’ll find a bathroom for Cam real quick.” their mom announced. Stepping out of the car, Cam instantly felt his heavy diaper sagging underneath his sweatpants. With a grunt, he pulled his heavy suitcase out of the trunk, feeling a little light headed as he breathed in the cold, crisp mountain air. He couldn’t help but glare at a distinctive looking light blue bag as his mother slung it around her shoulder. It reminded him of the fight they’d had only a week ago when she purchased it. Even if no one else noticed it, Cam knew full well that it was a baby’s diaper bag. There was even a rectangular, zipper pouch on the outside for a package of baby wipes. His mom’s decision to buy the bag on the eve of a family trip had probably seemed logical enough in her own mind but why couldn’t she have just brought along a backpack or even another suitcase? Inside the infantile bag were all of Cam’s darkest secrets: all the things that undermined his adulthood. Even so, he knew that the chances were slim that Amber would be able to infer what the bag’s contents were. At least everything was contained in one place. Around the house, Cam’s paranoia always ran high when he saw a plastic container of baby wipes or a large bottle of baby powder… as if any random visitor would simply see those products and deduce that the 18 year old residing in that house still wore diapers. When they rang the doorbell, Amber’s mother answered the front door with a warm smile. Much like her daughter, the woman in her early 40s had blonde hair and a slim build. Amber must have had good genetics because Cam had always thought her mother was quite attractive also. “Come in, guys! Oh gosh Cam, you’ve gotten so big.” Amber’s mother smiled. “Thanks, Miss Mayberry.” Cam said as he awkwardly returned a hug from the middle aged woman before she moved to greet his mother and sister. A large fireplace could be seen glowing in the living room along with two large leather couches. Though upon closer examination, it seemed the fireplace was electric or gas rather than wood burning. It was then that he caught sight of Amber standing there in a pair of leather boots, black leggings, and a red sweater that just barely covered her round, toned butt. She was looking stylish as ever. Chloe darted towards her embracing her friend in a close hug. That suited Cam just fine. In this moment, he wanted to keep his distance from Amber in the hopes that she wouldn’t notice his awkward waddle or padded rear end. Still, he couldn’t help but stare at her from the other side of the room. He cringed as they made eye contact and her face lit up. Her long blonde hair was down around her shoulders. “Cam? Wow, you’ve grown since the last time I’ve seen you. You’re like a real adult now!” Amber said, sounding genuinely shocked. “Th-thanks.” Cam said, blushing. “Seriously, you’re like… my height!” To be fair to Amber, the last time they’d met, he must have been 14 years old. So he certainly had been much shorter before his recent growth spurt. Cam felt his body tense up as she went in for a hug, which he awkwardly tried to return, getting a whiff of her heavenly perfume in the process. “Cam, your room is at the top of the stairs on the left. Chloe, you said you would be okay with sharing a room with Amber, right?” Miss Mayberry said. “Cam needs to use the restroom.” his mom interjected. “Are there restrooms upstairs or maybe somewhere on this level?” his mom asked. Normally, such a question would have irritated Cam but in that moment, he had other concerns. If he could just get to his room and find a few moments of privacy, he might be able to hide all evidence of his accident or at least avoid his mom for a bit. His mother would never let him live this down if she found out that he wet his diaper! “Uh… I’m just going to go put down my suitcase.” Cam said, waddling past the group of women. “Cam sweetie, are you okay?” his mom asked as he started up the stairs. “Yeah, fine.” he muttered, practically jogging up the stairs. He knew exactly what his mom was asking and didn’t want to wait for her to ask another probing question. Closing the bedroom door behind him, Cam had found a temporary reprieve but as he pulled his sweatpants down to his ankles to reveal his soggy diaper, he realized the daunting task that lay in front of him. Where would he hide the diaper? Under the bed? In his suitcase? And for how long? There were ziplock bags inside his diaper bag that his mom had planned to use to discreetly dispose of his diapers but the diaper bag was still (presumably) slung around his mom’s shoulder. He flinched as he heard footsteps on the stairs, yanking his sweatpants back up to cover his diaper. A knock on his bedroom door followed a few seconds later. “Uh, y-y-yeah?” The door swung open and his mother stood there, diaper bag around her shoulder. Even with as old as Cam was, the dark haired 46 year old woman with the pixie cut standing in front of him could strike fear into his heart. It wasn’t that Cam thought he’d be in trouble for having an accident. It was that he worried she might know he was lying and that being caught in such a lie would only provide vindication to her. His mom’s decision to force him to wear diapers would be reinforced as the only prudent decision and Cam’s protests would be exposed as the moody complains of a petulant child. “Did you find the upstairs bathroom okay?” she asked. “Yeah, fine.” There was a small twinge of skepticism in her face as she furrowed her brow but she said nothing. Cam’s hair stood on end as he waited for her to ask him an outright question. “Karen! Come back down here. I want to show you how the remodel of the kitchen turned out!” Amber’s mom shouted. Cam always found it strange to hear anyone call his mother by her first name. With that, Cam’s mom disappeared and Cam breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Hey, Cam!” a familiar voice shouted. He flinched again, practically jumping as he realized Amber was standing in the doorway. “Whoa. You okay, champ?” Amber said, raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, sorry just… long car ride.” Cam said, trying to sound more nonchalant. “What happened?” she asked. For a brief moment, he was convinced that Amber knew he’d had an accident or perhaps even that he was wearing a diaper. He averted his eyes from her gaze, looking down at the hardwood floor. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Your wrist.” Cam chuckled to himself, looking down at the black wrist brace, Velcro strapped tightly around his arm, partially covered by the sleeve of his baggy sweatshirt. “I just fell while I was playing basketball. Its nothing.” In truth, a larger boy had tripped Cam while they were playing basketball but he was content to leave out that minor detail. “Well, come on. I want to give you and Chloe a tour of the house.” Cam just hesitated, still preoccupied with finding a solution to the current problem under his sweatpants. “I mean… if you want?” Amber said. “Oh um, yeah sure.” Cam said, making eye contact again just long enough to accept her offer. There was no way out as Cam awkwardly shuffled into the upstairs hallway. How could he even talk to this beautiful woman while he was wearing a wet diaper under his clothes? She was a semester away from graduating college and he couldn’t even keep his diaper dry for a few hours in the car! “This place is amazing, Amber.” Chloe smiled, stepping out of the adjacent bedroom and giving Amber a friendly hug. Cam followed behind them but not too closely. With a little luck, Amber’s attention would be focused mostly on Chloe and his awkward gate wouldn’t be obvious to either girl. He could deal with the temporary discomfort of his soaked diaper for now… though the thought of getting out of it was becoming more appealing with each passing moment. Cam frowned, wondering if perhaps the fact that toddlers and infants cried so much due to the discomfort of wet diapers. It certainly wasn’t putting him in a good mood. The baggy sweatpants and casual grey sweatshirt Cam was wearing covered any unsightly bulges under his clothes. Shuffling his feet and walking slowly also proved to work rather well in concealing any crinkling sounds. There was also the fact that whenever Chloe got excited about something, her voice seemed to get twice as loud, echoing through the high ceilings. Amber’s vacation home was certainly something to be excited about though! The upstairs bathroom had a steam room and the floors and countertops were made of marble. Walking down the stairs, Cam followed a few feet behind the two girls as they found themselves in the kitchen. Cam flinched again as Amber accidentally dropped her phone on the hardwood floor. As she bent down to pick it up, he couldn’t help but stare at her butt as it peaked out from beneath her long sweater. He certainly approved of the form fitting black leggings she was wearing. In the florescent lighting of the kitchen, for a fleeting moment, Cam discerned the distinct outline of skimpy thong underneath. A second later, she stood up and her butt disappeared beneath her sweater again. Cam was convinced that, deep down, Amber would never see him as anything more than Chloe’s dorky younger brother… and that made her raw sexual magnetism all the more intolerable. He wasn’t sure how he could survive the holidays under the same roof as the gorgeous 22 year old blonde in front of him. His erection pressing up against his uncomfortable wet diaper reminded him of more important matters though. The urine soaked garment felt far less warm now than it had in the car. “This is the back porch.” Amber said matter of factly, opening the doors to the patio. There was a meadow filled with snow that seemed to glow in the moonlight and beyond it was a dark silhouette of mountains. It was plain to see that the view during the daytime would be even more spectacular. The covered porch was adorned with several chase lounges and in the corner, there was a large hot tub. “Can we hot tub later?” Chloe asked excitedly. “Sure.” Amber said with a giggle. When the tour of their house was completed, Cam mumbled some excuse about having forgotten his phone upstairs before retreating back towards his room. “Hey Cam?” his mother called to him. “Just a sec.” he said as he awkwardly waddled up the stairs. One way or another, Cam was determined to get out of his wet diaper now. But before he could close the door of his room, his mother appeared in the doorway. “Hey mom, uh, just one second.” Cam said, his hand on the door. “Wait. It’s almost 9:00 so I think we should make sure you’re all set for bed.” she said, hands poised on her hips. “Okay but I’m already wearing a… um, I mean I’m ready for bed.” After all these years, Cam still hated saying the ‘D’ word aloud. “I know that, sweetie. I just want to make sure that the tapes are secure. You were walking a little funny earlier and you’ve been wearing that same diaper practically all day.” Cam winced at her brazen use of the ‘D’ word, glancing out into the hallway to see if anyone was in earshot. Seeing his sensitivity, his mother rolled her eyes, closing his bedroom door as if to offer some privacy. Now he just felt cornered like a wild animal. “The tapes? The tapes are f-f-fine. Everything uh, still fits. Its okay, really.” “Are you sure? You’ve looked uncomfortable ever since we got here. Its okay if you need a little help adjusting them.” Cam’s mother said. “Really. I’m fine.” “Cameron, did you have a little accident?” “N-n-no.” Seconds later, he realized he was blushing profusely as tears began to form in his eyes. “Can I see?” she asked, taking a step towards him and putting her hand on his shoulder. “No.” Cam sniffled. “Okay, just wait here. I’ll get your diaper bag.” The fact that she had left to retrieve his diaper bag told Cam that she must have known. Was there any point in trying to hide it? He felt like he was at his breaking point after several hours in the car, waddling around in a wet diaper, and dealing with being in the same room as Amber. As much as he hated to admit it, his mom would have probably found out sooner or later. She quickly returned with that same detestable bag slung around her shoulder. “Can you take your pants off for me?” she asked, placing the light blue bag on the bed and unzipping it. Cam’s bottom lip quivered a little but he did his best to keep a brave face. “Can I just… try and do this myself?” “Cameron, we’ve been over this. You can get the fit right with that brace around your wrist. Just let me help you.” With a frown and a whimper, Cam lowered his pants. Just looking at his swollen, saggy diaper; it must have been obvious. No further confirmation was needed. His inability to control his bladder was no on full display. “Oh boy, it looks like you really did have an accident. See? It’s a good thing I made you wear a diaper today, huh?” Cam offered no response. Although he couldn’t bear to admit it, his mom was right. “We better lay a towel down. You look pretty soaked.” she said. Cam sat down with a quiet ‘squish’ before folding his sweatshirt back and out of the way of his diaper as his mom unloaded his supplies placing a package of baby wipes, some powder, and a folded disposable diaper beside him on the bed. Her pleasant attitude only seemed to make him feel worse. Part of him almost wished she would chide him for his accident or express some discontent. After all, it wasn’t exactly normal for an 18 year old to wet himself, let alone require diapers just to get through a single road trip. His mother’s open, routine acceptance of his accidents made him feel like a helpless child who really did need to wear diapers. They weren’t a precaution in her eyes so much as a necessity. His mom wasted no time ripping the tapes back and Cam lifted his rear end so she could slide out the heavy wet diaper. Covering himself with his sweatshirt, Cam awkwardly pulled a few wipes from their package and cleaned himself frantically. Sure, he would have preferred to take a nice long shower but he didn’t dare wander out into the hallway. Even at that very moment, he wondered if his mom had bothered to lock the door. He winced as he watched her drop the heavy wet diaper into the plastic bag, zipping it tightly. “Make sure no one sees the-” “Don’t worry, honey. This is going in the outside garbage can. No one will see it.” He reached for the clean diaper beside him on the bed but his mom was too quick. Snatching it up in her hands, she expertly unfolded the crinkling garment “Come on, lay back for me.” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. With a sigh, Cam did as he was told and a second later he grabbed his knees, pulling them to his chest. After his mom dusted his rear end with baby powder, he brought his butt to rest on a clean diaper as his she pulled up the front panel and taped him tightly in place. Sitting up with a crinkle, he could only watch as his mom placed the wipes and powder back into his diaper bag, zipping it closed. If nothing else, at least he could take comfort in knowing that his diapering supplies wouldn’t be kept in his room. That was a nice change of pace. Cam made no move to put his pants back on though. What was the point? His mom had already seen him naked so he couldn’t be humiliated any further. Sitting on the edge of the bed in a disposable diaper his sweatshirt, pouting and feeling sorry for himself, seemed like his best option at the moment. “You okay, honey?” his mom asked. “I just want to be alone.” Cam said. “Okay well… I’ll leave a bag here on the table for you. Can you handle throwing away your night diaper tomorrow morning?”“Yeah.” he mumbled. “I know you’re embarrassed Cameron but… it was just one accident. Try not to let this ruin your trip. One wet diaper isn’t the end of the world, right?” Cam didn’t respond. As soon as his mother left the room, he plopped down on the bed. A modestly sized plasma screen TV on the dresser caught his eye and he quickly grabbed a remote off the nightstand. With a crinkle, he crawled towards the front of the bed. He had to admit, being back in a dry diaper was infinitely better and it certainly improved his mood. If Cam was honest with himself, there were times at home in the privacy of his bedroom where a dry diaper was pretty comfortable after a long day at school. As a kid, his pull-ups leaked several times. His more absorbent disposable diapers were a far superior product. Knowing that he could at least wake up in a dry bed made him feel… safe. The excess padding was just as much an asset as it was a liability. Hearing Chloe and Amber giggling downstairs, it was only a matter of time before his thoughts drifted back to Amber. Pulling out his phone, he returned to the photo of Amber from last summer, jean shorts and all. It felt pathetic to stare at her picture when she was only one floor down from him. Staring at his phone felt safe… whereas standing in the same room as her terrified him. Cam reasoned that he could be far more confident tomorrow when he got out of diapers for the day. Not necessarily confident around her but certainly more confident than he was tonight. Running his hand over the opaque, white, shiny padding between his legs; Cam tried to grab himself. Looking at Amber’s photo had made him hard in his diaper yet again as he rubbed the crinkling padding. It was rare that Cam attempted masturbating in his diapers. Usually, he would make a point to do it during the day or at night while he showered. He knew full well that his mom’s 9:00 p.m. deadline each night would mean he was confined to diapers until the following morning and the excess padding would make masturbation quite a chore. It was one of the many things Cam hated about being trapped in diapers. Thrusting his hips ever so slightly while rubbing and kneading the crinkling padding, Cam grew paranoid that someone might be able to hear him. He could shuffle around in a pair of sweatpants and the sound of his diaper was barely audible. But while rubbing and thrusting, it sounded like the loud rustling of a giant plastic grocery bag. Pulling the covers over himself would not only conceal the noise, it would keep him much warmer too. After all, he wasn’t wearing any pants to bed. Closing his eyes and trying to recall the sight of Amber’s ass in those leggings along with the outline of her thong, he thrust into the thick padding of his diaper. Rubbing and thrusting, his heart raced as he imagined touching her… kissing her. Dare he think it? Fucking her. Then for a moment, he frowned to himself as he heard Amber giggling again downstairs. If she could see him in that moment for what he truly was, he would have looked pathetic. She would laugh at him the way she was laughing now. The sexy, mature, well dressed blonde in the living room had no idea what was going on upstairs. Her friend’s awkward, skinny younger brother, whose mom had just changed him out of his wet diaper, lay there rubbing his crotch and desperately imagining fantasies of her that would never come to pass. Yet Cam’s arousal outweighed his embarrassment. Even imagining Amber laughing at him while he masturbated in front of her seemed strangely arousing somehow. Cam didn’t like wearing diapers by any means. But they were comfortable, familiar, and safe. He wasn’t going to let his embarrassment deter him from finding a little relief. As he continued his vigorous rubbing and thrusting, he was more determined than ever to give himself an orgasm. His hand cramping up and his diaper crinkling, Cam whimpered in desperation. Finally, he shot his load into his diaper. Laying still in bed under the covers, he panted as he caught his breath. Returning to a more sober mindset, he again felt pathetic. He just masturbated in a diaper and now had to sleep in his own mess. Then again, how many times had he slept soundly in a urine soaked diaper? Was this really all that different? If nothing else, he was still felt more comfortable now than he’d felt in his wet diaper earlier. It wasn’t really that being in his own mess was upsetting to him. The feelings of inadequacy weren’t the result of physical discomfort. It was psychological. While he was technically an adult, he was functionally a child. He wore diapers like an overgrown toddler. He could never know the pleasure of having sex with Amber. Instead, his only solace came from rubbing himself through his diaper. Despite all these unpleasant feelings, Cam was certainly exhausted after they day that he’d had and fell asleep mere minutes later. Follow the link below to read more of "WINTER BREAK": https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077W8YR2M

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Hi Im Dlonly, I would like to introduce my self. I'm in my early 30's and have been a DL since I was probably around 8-9 years old although I didn't realise it at the time. I'm from Canada live in a small town by a major city. That's as much as I wll say on that lol. Where most people say they were born this way, I can say I remember exactly how it started for me. Even though I was most likely born with these feelings it all started as I had cousins were bedwetters, i was not. One night on a sleepover my cousin was embassered at the fact he had to wear diapers to bed. my aunt asked me if it would be ok if I did as well so he didnt feel alone. She would never of forced me too. But at the time I didnt think it was a big deal so I agreed. I loved them lol. After that I wore everytime I slept over untill I was a teen then stopped. I embraced the feellings in my 20's but in High school and College i tried to bury them and not think about it but its something that all of us can relate to doesnt go away. I have told one GF, and several friends. I explain the story exactly the same and everytime I have had postive responses. Anyways thats me. Just wanted to say Hi and will try to contriube to the forums

For those that specifically trained to wet in your sleep, what pushed you into finally letting yourself do it?

I've been on a journey to become a bedwetter, and I know many others have the same interest. In thinking it through, I see several key elements that describe the road to becoming a bedwetter. This framework can create a profile of where you are on your journey, and create a profile of where you want to be. This profile may be useful for describing yourself to others, but more importantly can force thought about where you really want to be and the barriers to getting there. Hope this helps, feel free to add or modify. The key elements are the type of wetting, frequency, and ease of wetting. Types: Conscious wetting- Peeing the bed or your diapers either before going asleep or when you awaken in the middle of the night. Situational incontinence*- Peeing the bed or diapers while asleep, but only occurring when the "stage is set" such as having a protected bed and/or having a diaper on Involuntary bedwetting- Peeing the bed no matter what, even without a diaper or protected bed. This includes all situations, even when it's inconvenient (during family vacations, visiting relatives etc) Frequency: 1- Rarely, less than once a month 2- Once every couple of weeks 3- Usually every week 4- Several nights a week 5- Rarely a dry night Ease: Difficult- Results typically require extraordinary measures such as massive fluid intake, hours without restroom before bed, heavy drinking (not advised) Moderate- Results typically require moderate measures such as not going to restroom before bed, reasonable amount of fluids throughout the day, potentially sleep supplements or light drinking Easy- Results occur with no extraordinary efforts, wetting may occur even if you've gone to the restroom right before bed and without any drinking / supplements For anyone who is curious, my current state seems to be Situational Incontinence, several nights a week, moderate to somewhat easy. Like many, I want to be at Involuntary, 4-5 frequency and easy. I'm indicating it "seems" such because I may have some involuntary bedwetting. Since I truly wet in my sleep several nights a week, I always diaper up (even on family vacations) This makes it a little trickier to determine if it's involuntary or not. Several months ago I slept without a diaper and awoke dry which makes me think I may not be involuntary yet (I'm at this contradicting stage where I am happy with wet sheets if it's from overwetting my diaper while asleep, but don't like wetting my sheets when I'm awake. A barrier of sorts for me is that it is hard to release when I awaken in the middle of the night if I know it's going to wet the sheets. This is probably the final barrier to me becoming an involuntary bedwetter, like all of the previous barriers I'm sure I can overcome it if I decide to) Oddly enough I might actually be involuntary now anyways, I don't actually know!

I always wake up happy and contented and soaking wet. Being a nightly bedwetter means I sleep soundly. How do others feel.

Hi, this is a re-post of the entire story all in one go. However, past comments are still available to view at the end should you wish to examine what others thought. Auntie Joan I watched as the latest terror attack was reported in graphic detail by the TV news. Over ninety people so far dead in an explosion in Mumbai that was obviously aimed at the bus full of new army recruits who were on their way back to base. The huge car bomb was so intense that it obliterated the bus and everything within a hundred metre radius, what I didn’t know was that my parents just happened to be passing in their taxi at the time. My name is Dean Court. Yes I know it sounds like a venue – ‘Could you book the reception at Dean Court please?’ or ‘Dean Court, the ideal place for your aging parents to live out the rest of their lives in a safe and secure environment’ or more likely ‘Dean Court, oh yes they do a wonderful seafood and champagne brunch’. However, I’m thirteen, nearly fourteen, and go to a private school in the UK, even though I’m from Washington DC originally. Both my parents work for the government, though I have no idea what they do, but I hardly know them as I was packed off to school the minute I was of the correct age – I was three. Since then I have spent more time away from home and my parents than I have with them. They were quite old, late forties, when they had me but there was never a close bond. I can honestly say I hardly know them and obviously I was some kind of hindrance to their busy careers. I suppose that’s why I ended up at a school I absolutely hate in England but which was well away from them back home in the USA. # I had no idea why my parents should have been in Mumbai, but when two men and a woman from the embassy arrived at school and I was removed from class to be informed of their deaths, I honestly didn’t know what to think. I was stunned. I asked the agents what mom and dad were doing in India in the first place but they said they didn’t know. I could tell they knew more than they were saying but they were ‘agents’ so weren’t going to tell me anything. None of it made any sense, but whether it made sense or not, the main point was that both my parents had perished in a terrorist attack, in a foreign country and I had no idea why. Perhaps the sad thing was, I didn’t cry, I hardly knew them. I hadn’t even know they were in India that’s how invested they were in me. They may have thought I was getting the best education available but I was an unhappy American, in a school riddled with class and discrimination. It may well have been number one for educating the elite of ‘Ye Olde England’ but for me it was a constant and unhappy trial. The school’s philosophy of keeping their students busy and involved backfired with me. I hated games, I hated my fellow students, I hated being away from home, I hated the teachers that tried to involve me in the way the ethos of the school operated. I hated the over-prissy school uniform along with the fucking UK and all it stood for. My nickname was ‘Doodle’, they chirpily informed me, as in ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’ but I never responded to it. The school ‘house’ system annoyed me so much, I couldn’t understand (or want to be involved) in anything that bonded a group of kids, as diverse as we were, over something so stupid as ‘playing for the benefit of the team’ or house in this case. No, I was a very unhappy boy in an institution I couldn’t escape. I resented every second I was there and even more the parents who, without asking or even considering my opinion, sent me to such a prestigious hell hole. I felt cheated out of my childhood. I’d been handed from one institution to the next since I was three and always with the expectation of the betterment my parents no doubt wanted for or from me. Even when I was home the contact between us was minimal and I’d spend a huge amount of time in my room, playing on the computer, reading and waiting to be shipped back to school. Not once do I ever remember my father suggesting we should go to a theme park together, or go swimming, or camping together… or any damn thing that parents do with their kids. # Of course I had everything I wanted… except a family or friends. At school I hated being forced to be friends with people I detested. I wasn’t stupid and my grades were quite good, but I objected to being made to live with people I found objectionable, shallow, self-obsessed and entitled. In return they found me pathetic, dumb, withdrawn and not worthy of any consideration at all. I absorbed more than I showed but gave out very little. Teachers tried to chivvy (God at times I come over so English) me into various pursuits but gave up when my apathy began to corrupt others. I think they didn’t really want me contaminating the other students and I’m sure dad got regular reports on my attitude to school fellowship and all that rubbish entails. On several occasions I’d be called into the house master’s study or the school shrink’s office for a ‘friendly chat’ but I could see their prying ways and offered nothing back. I may have detested my parents but I wasn’t going to give this bunch of ‘professors’ that kind of ammo. I said very little, offering one word answers or subliminal contempt, all though I’m not sure just how subliminal I was. So, my parents being blown to smithereens was a turning point in my life because I was shipped back to Washington DC for a funeral that was attended by some bigwigs from the government. It was so high profile that even the TV companies and press were there but I still couldn’t get a straight answer to my question – ‘what did my parents do?’ It was then I realised that mom and dad must have been pretty important. Although this revelation didn’t make me think any less of them (I was so angry I don’t think I could have thought any less of them), as far as I was concerned they had abandoned me in favour of the state and left for others to bring up… they also did a terrible job. As both coffins were ceremoniously lowered into the grave I realised I was now an orphan and knew that as a thirteen year-old I still had no say in my future. I dreaded being returned to school in England to ‘finish my education’ but looked around at the mourners and wondered who, if any of those assembled, would be bothered at what became of me. I believe that people within the government had tried to find my next of kin. My grandparents were old and unable to take me in, my parents being in their forties when they had me, and the only person they tracked down was dad’s estranged sister Joan who lived out in the mid-west. I hadn’t seen her for over ten years and could hardly remember what she looked like so when the black-clad lady approached with her condolences I had no idea she was to be my future guardian. However, she put an arm around my shoulder and for the first time since the deaths, well, in fact, for the first time in many years; I felt that someone actually cared. # For the next few days she and I lived in my parent’s house as their business was put into some kind of order; the house, their banking details, the compensation from the government for my loss, were all sorted by the family lawyer and my aunt. A trust fund was set up and several other financial, legal and administrative problems overcome. It came as no surprise to me that Aunt Joan was the only person who, albeit reluctantly, was thinking what was best for me. As I said, I was dreading being punted off back to the UK but thankfully Auntie Joan was dead against it. She didn’t like their privileged educational system and I think more importantly, she detected my complete distaste for the place. I loved her immediately for her insight into what made me tick. It may not seem such a big thing but I can tell you, for the first time in my entire life, I thought I was on the same wavelength as another person. One night she asked me if I was happy. A simple question and not imbued with any deep meaning but it was the first time I’d been asked about anything and, I’m sad to say, I broke down and cried. I’m thirteen and this was the first time I’d openly cried for as long as I could remember. That one spark of interest in me and my welfare meant the world and I cried and cried whilst being gently consoled by my dad’s estranged sister. The tears weren’t at the loss of my parents but, as I saw it, the loss of my life that had me so emotional. Again auntie offered comfort and explained she was going to look after me and to forget the pompous school in England… she hoped I’d be OK with that decision. As far as she was concerned I was going to join her back at the little town she called home and where, she assured me, I would have a better life. She said quite deliberately that she would never abandon nor leave me to someone else to bring up; I was too precious to put in other people’s hands. I can’t tell you what a relief her few words were and I felt a whole heap of anger, frustration and entrenched hate suddenly evaporate. # However, her now being my guardian she was also privy to the fact I had another, more personal problem. When I was at the school in the UK, I occasionally wet the bed. I wasn’t even sure if I was doing it on purpose or not, although I certainly didn’t like the name calling or my wet mattress, for some reason I didn’t actually mind wet PJs and the little rebellion it kindled in my head. However, that night time problem persisted whilst back home and even after the funeral I had woken up every morning drenched in a pool of piss. Everyone appeared very understanding knowing the pressure I was obviously under, coming to terms with everything though I didn’t tell them it was an ongoing problem that I’d had for some time. I had no idea if the school had reported back to my parents; however, I felt I should speak to my aunt about it. I was nervous bringing up the subject but she came into my room one morning and I was just coming to terms with another wet set of PJs. The dark huge damp patch was obvious spreading across my pale blue cotton bottoms. It had even reached my jacket and I couldn’t be sure but I think my room smelled of pee. Luckily, I’d already managed to put a rubber sheet down to protect the mattress so it was only me and the sheets that were wet. I was embarrassed. Normally, if I’d been at school I would have looked defiantly at anyone who thought to make a comment, as if daring them to say something, but at that moment I felt like a silly little kid who couldn’t last a night without pissing himself. Tears seemed to be something I did now as I guiltily revealed to her what had happened. I don’t cry, well I didn’t cry before, so why they came so easily I wasn’t too sure. “It’s OK Dean, don’t worry.” She put her arms around me and gave me a cuddle. I stifled the sobs that were left. I explained that this wasn’t a one off, that I’d been a bed-wetter, off and on, for a long time now. I knew I should have grown out of it but, well, I hadn’t and I was sorry if that was going to be a problem for her. “Don’t be silly Dean, nothing you do will be a problem to or for me, but let’s get you cleaned up and packed, as I think it’s time I… we… went home.” She smiled the most endearing smile. Like mom and dad she was at least 50 years-old but still had the skin the texture of a woman in her thirties. Under her mop of faded blonde hair her face radiated warmth and understanding and again I felt protected and safe when Auntie Joan spoke. “Doesn’t it bother you?” I queried as I looked down at my sodden bedding. She laughed out loud. “Sweetie, back home I run a children’s nursery so if a bit of pee or poo worried me, I’d definitely be in the wrong business.” She urged me to get up, take a shower and dress as she’d booked us on a flight home. # HOME? I had no idea where in the mid-west I was going to call home but auntie had organised everything, she’d packed up most of my things and had already shipped them out together with one or two mementos and pieces of furniture. She said there was little point in taking too much as she didn’t need it and I didn’t appear that bothered about keeping anything so, my clothes and computer had been dispatched and we travelled with minimal luggage. However, once I was out of the shower and deciding on what to wear for the flight auntie asked me a strange question. “Will you be OK to travel as you are or would you prefer to wear protection?” She said it so matter of factly, as if it was something I might have considered in the past but in truth I hadn’t. “Er, er, no, er I’m OK,” I was still adding up the ramifications of what she’d just asked. Did she expect that I needed to wear some kind of protection when I travelled? “OK Sweetheart…” That was a new term of endearment and one that instantly sent a shiver of pleasure through my body. Nobody, not even my parents, had ever used such a term of endearment… and I loved it. “…dress for comfort because when we get there it will be in the 80s and we don’t want a sweat drenched suit to be your first experience of your new home.” I didn’t have much choice; some stuff was left for the final packing crate so I ended up wearing my undies, a t-shirt, a blue sweatshirt and a pair of knee-length navy blue shorts and navy blue sneakers. Auntie said I looked like a local, which I suppose she meant those I was going to meet for the first time. She was all smiles and joviality and determined that my parent’s deaths were consigned to history and that I should be treated as a boy about to embark on a new life that I had some control over. # During the flight, and again on the journey from the airport to her… our… home, the fact that she’d asked if I needed protection kept resurfacing in my brain. It wasn’t that I was offended, though I was surprised, but the thought of what that might be like just wouldn’t go away. She was telling me about the town where she, sorry, we called home, a place of just twenty thousand inhabitants in the south-west corner of Kansas. She explained that ‘The Rainbow Rooms Nursery’ (hereinafter called The Rainbow) was her business and where she and a staff of four permanent and four temporary looked after children from babies up to pre-schoolers at five. She explained that sometimes older kids also joined the youngsters in class because that was the age they identified with. I assumed she was being polite and meant that they were slow or had mental problems but, as she didn’t speak that way, I kept those thoughts to myself. My new home was a two story house comprising off; three bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs, a kitchen, a living room, a den and large utility room (with toilet and shower facilities) downstairs and an even larger basement. All this was set on a decent plot of land, which auntie had made into a very nice garden with flowers and bushes to all sides and a lawn that swept down to the sidewalk. The street was a mixture of small homes like ours and larger, three story places designed for rich folk or big families. There was quite a selection but the area felt safe and clean and all the exteriors appeared well maintained. We lived at number 46 Glendew Lane and the homes on either side of us were built exactly the same as ours. # Auntie’s room was the largest and at the front of the building whereas mine was one of the two rooms that faced the back garden. The packing cases had already been magically transported to my room although the bed had yet to be constructed. I sighed a little at the prospect of fixing up my bed because in truth, I was hopeless at anything, even that basics, by way of construction. However, the other bedroom was already set up as a nursery because auntie said that occasionally she babysat or looked after kids whose parents had to go somewhere in an emergency and they needed someone to look out for their child. Most of the children she babysat were of an age where a nursery was more appropriate than a bedroom, so she kept it prepared for any such crisis. There was a crib and a small bed, both already made up and ready for a little person in need of a place to stay. The crib was all childish fleecy blankets and stuffed animals and I felt a sudden pang in my chest and I wasn’t sure why. The bed was covered by a duvet with Disney characters all over it and a matching pillow. Again, it was stacked with several teddy bears and other stuffed animals. I swallowed hard, standing in the doorway wishing I could just curl up with them and go to sleep. For some reason I couldn’t get my breath and my heart was pounding, I thought I was having some sort of panic attack or delayed response to my parents death and I started to cry. God damn it, what is wrong with me? # Unaware of her presence auntie seemed to know I was struggling with something and came and put her arms around me. The roar that left my chest as I bawled like a two year-old was quite uncontrollable and I wept into auntie’s bosom just like that toddler would. She soothed my distress and stroked my hair, it was a feeling that was alien to me and I couldn’t get enough of it. Eventually, she guided me towards the bed and we sat to talk. The bed had rails around to stop a child from falling out but on one side the rail was down so we made ourselves comfortable there. In due course I was able to get my tears under control and we chatted like we hadn’t done before. To get things rolling she explained the function of the room, even though it was pretty obvious; the toys, the piles of diapers, plastic pants, wipes and lotions, ointments and powders. What I hadn’t noticed though auntie had, was that I’d wet myself whilst being so affected by the room. There was a damp stain on my trousers, enough to flag my wet situation but she just patted my back and asked if I’d mind if she sorted me out. I wasn’t completely sure what that meant but I was too emotional to think straight and in truth I was tired and just glad I didn’t have to concern myself with any of it. She told me not to worry; she’d done this a thousand times and with boys my age so not to be embarrassed. She stripped me out of all my clothes and lay me out naked on the bed. She asked if I thought I needed to go to the toilet but I think it was too late for that, so shook my head. She then wiped my damp pubic area and towelled me dry before applying a scented lotion and rubbed in some baby powder. None of this bothered me I was now so relaxed in her caring hands I needed it to continue, I’d never felt so wanted. Once she was satisfied I was happy and not anxious about anything she reached up and grabbed a large disposable. She unfurled it as I watched, and although part of me was saying ‘no’, another part was hoping she’d just tape me in and I’d have no say in the situation. This was exactly what she did. I was clean, warm and snug as she juggled a pair of opaque plastic pants up and over the diaper. She then reached for a blue cotton t-shirt and fed my arms and head into it before rolling it down my body. I hadn’t noticed the snaps at the bottom as she fastened me in. “I think Dean you are just one tired little boy… so why don’t you just climb into bed,” She pulled down the duvet cover and invited me in, “and get a good night’s sleep?” It wasn’t a question, I was exhausted and at that moment I yawned and felt that sleep was just what I needed. She stroked my hair for a few moments before slipping a teddy into my arms, which I snuggled tightly. My eyes were closed but I could hear the rails being pulled up and click into position but I was too sleepy to think any more about it. I heard her say night-night from the door and then I was alone. # Part 2 I had a fitful night’s sleep; the same dream kept occurring time and time again. I was uncomfortable because my diaper had become bunched up and annoying. In my dream I kept trying to pull it down and rearrange it but my tiny hands couldn’t actually grasp anything because of the covering thick glossy plastic pants. I became frustrated and grumpy and began to cry. Auntie came in, soothed away the tears and in her gentle embrace the diaper didn’t seem to be a problem so I could relax. Strangely enough I managed to slip into the crook of her arm like I was just a baby. To help settle even more she handed over a teddy bear, which was wonderful to touch so I cuddled that, as she cuddled me, and eventually we all dropped off together. However, sometime later the exact same dream would occur and I’d begin to feel irritable and try to lose the diaper all over again, and with the same outcome. It was no surprise then when I did awake (I think it was the sound of the rail being unclicked and eased down) to see Auntie Joan beaming down at me. “Hello sweetie, hope you slept well, I didn’t hear a peep out of you all night so I reckon somebody needed his sleep.” It was wonderful waking up to a smiling, friendly face and as I yawned and stretched myself into wakefulness, she drew back the blinds to reveal a lovely sunny morning. I lay under the warm duvet feeling happy and that was a feeling I hadn’t woken up to for such a long time. “Now sweetie, don’t take this the wrong way,” she raised her eyebrows in a most comical way, “but are you wet?” I was smiling myself and shook my head at first but then became aware of just exactly what I was wearing. Up until that moment I’d completely forgotten that I’d been put in a diaper the night before. However, I didn’t feel wet like I had when at school or more recently at home. Nevertheless, as I gave it some thought and ran my hand over the bulge at my groin I realised that it was definitely bigger and smoother under my, er, what was that, I touched the metal snaps under my crotch, a onesie?, that I must have done something. I made a face, which I hoped looked like I wasn’t actually admitting to anything but also that I might have done. She said, “Well it doesn’t matter we can sort it out later.” She pulled back my cover to reveal my bulky groin. “Let’s have some breakfast and then we’ll decide what to do for the rest of the day.” The room was already warming up because it looked and felt like it was going to be another glorious sunny, hot Kansas day. My pale (English) bare legs stuck out from this huge swelling diaper but, and I strangely found it reassuring, there was no tell-tale stain on my blue onesie, whatever I’d done was all contained. # My undignified waddle down stairs and into the kitchen was a little disturbing, well, disturbing in a way I wasn’t quite expecting because I simply didn’t mind. Auntie had dressed me appropriately for bed just in case I wet, and now that I knew I had, I thought how brilliant it was that she’d had such foresight to know precisely what was needed for my comfort. I loved my auntie even more at that moment; she was interested in me and cared. So, as we sat and ate breakfast, with me perched on top of a very thick diaper; I wondered what other surprises this woman had up her sleeve. I asked why she and my father had not been on speaking terms for so long and it was the first time I saw her radiant smile fail. “Well you’ve asked, so I’m going to tell you but I’m not sure you’ll understand my reaction.” A shiver of worry slipped down my spine as I wondered if I’d crossed a line and so quickly ruined something that had seemed so wonderful. “Bill, your Uncle Bill, who I doubt you’ll remember, was on his way to an interview that your father had set up.” I sat nervously waiting for the story to unravel and I began to wish I’d never asked. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to know, I was just worried things would change between me and Auntie Joan. “It was a job I’d begged Bill not to pursue but your father, my big brother, had taken it upon himself to push Bill into at least going for an interview.” She looked over at me to see how I was reacting. “Unfortunately, on the freeway to Kansas City a fuel truck spun out of control, off the highway and across into oncoming traffic. The truck exploded and took out another truck and four cars travelling in the opposite direction. All the occupants, including my husband were consumed in the fireball…” She gulped back tears and I swallowed hard as another shudder passed through my body. It was weird that I felt more sympathy for man I didn’t remember dying in such a dramatic and awful manner than I did with my own parents. This was not the story I’d expected and was desperately sorry I’d made auntie relive the experience. I wanted to comfort her. I got up and shuffled round until I had my hands on her shoulders and I could feel her body shaking with grief. “Ohh, I’m so sorry.” I muttered in a whisper. “I didn’t mean to…” My words seemed stupid and useless at that moment so I just continued stroking her shoulder and offering my chest for her to weep into. After a few seconds she calmed herself and continued. “I’d begged Bill not to go and more importantly, to me at the time, I’d begged your father to keep out of our affairs. I know he thought he was trying to help but, I’d already told him I didn’t want Bill working for the government, and I certainly didn’t want to move to Kansas City had he got the job. But my brother, as always, knew best and was so controlling.” She reached up and gently touched my hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but you, you were about three then, your mom and dad came to the funeral…” I did have a vague recollection of travelling somewhere but thought it was a party of some kind. I’d forgotten that I’d actually, very briefly, visited this town before. “Henry, your dad, was most apologetic because I hadn’t known exactly how hard he’d pushed Bill into accepting the interview. Once I did we had an enormous row… and I told him and your mother… that I blamed them completely for interfering in our life. As a result I ordered them, and that included an innocent toddler… you… to get out and that I never wanted to see any of you again.” # I was crying in sympathy for my aunt’s loss and I remembered how ‘domineering’ my father always was. I could imagine him pressuring someone else into accepting his decision so I hugged my aunt and we sobbed together. Eventually she came up for air and finished her account. “I wasn’t going to come to their funeral, even after all this time I was still so bitter about it, but the man who came to tell me what had happened in Mumbai also told me about you and that, as your only real family member, they hoped I’d take care of you.” She looked me in the eye and told me straight. “To be honest… I wasn’t sure… but when I met you I couldn’t get over what a wonderful boy you were. Even though you were detached from the entire ceremony I detected an inner vulnerability I just couldn’t ignore. After we’d spoken, and I got the impression of your own thoughts about your parents, I desperately wanted to take you away from people I reckoned didn’t understand you. I detected a lot of built up anger… just like me… and I knew we needed each other to, well, start again” She added almost apologetically. “I’ve never had kids of my own, Bill and I never got around to it but I’ve immersed myself in Rainbow. I love children, I offer them a safe place to grow and play, so why on earth would I turn my back on my own flesh and blood?” She hugged me tightly. “I wanted desperately to look after you and give you what your parents failed to deliver, a loving and supportive environment in which to grow.” She held me at arm’s length, this was getting very intense and I wasn’t sure I could cope with it all. “However, I wonder if I’m too late. I see the rage you have kept bottled within and the upset at the childhood I think you feel you’ve lost, would you trust someone else? I wasn’t sure until I saw your reaction to the nursery and how keen and desperate you were to find some comfort in such a simple place.” She smiled through her red, tear stained eyes. “You looked the same as any child I’ve had at the nursery… happy to be in a place where you are supposed to be safe and have fun.” I couldn’t say anything because she was correct. That room had made me feel safe. All I wanted to do was stay there and sleep because I knew it was a room where I could feel happy and content. Even the pile of diapers and the smell of baby powder hanging in the air were offering me a feeling of, of, joy and satisfaction. But it was the sensation of pure euphoria I experienced as auntie diapered and put me to bed, that just added the final dimension to my feeling of being home. She thought for a few seconds. “How would you feel if I could give you back some aspects of your childhood?” I didn’t know what to say to that but oddly a spurt of pee escaped into my sodden nappy. I was more aware of the fact that I was dressed as a toddler already and wondered if that was what she meant. “Do you mean, er, all this?” I indicated what I was wearing. “Do you want me to be a baby?” I asked with more than a touch of disbelief. She held my hand tightly. “That would be up to you but what I can offer is a place for you to learn to be a kid again. To play, make friends, laugh, cry… but all in your own time. “ She seemed convinced she could make this happen even if I was unsure. “The offer is there should it be something you feel you’d like to at least try?” My head was buzzing with mixed emotions. How could I possibly be a toddler again, it just didn’t make sense? You can’t go backwards, the school in the UK, even though it was stuck in some kind of time warp itself, was very progressive in its teaching methods. “We are constantly moving forwards, we need to make the future our priority.” I could almost hear Mr Cartwright’s lesson, he was all about developing strategies for the betterment of man. “We learn the lessons of the past but we march into a future we help create.” He was one of the few teachers that I had any time for but… well… it wasn’t what I needed at that particular moment. Wondering if I could live my childhood all over again seemed a foolish notion even if I was sitting in a wet diaper. I was nearly fourteen for heaven’s sake and worldly wise in so many ways. Besides, wouldn’t I be required to go to school in my new home town? # There’s no doubt about it, Kansas is hot this time of year. Even though we were indoors the heat of the day was already quite oppressive as I wondered back upstairs. I entered my bedroom and again the packing cases and literally unmade bed sent a shiver of apprehension down my spine. I went over to where I’d slept the night and the calming atmosphere of the place, or maybe it was the smell, but something immediately made me feel at ease. I was standing in a soaked diaper and a tight-fitting onesie but yet felt at peace, even more so, when I wondered over to the Disney bed I’d slept in and hugged the teddy that comforted me throughout the night. There was something about this room that I didn’t understand. Why was I drawn here and why was I so happy to be in a place where a baby would normally sleep? I was perplexed. Auntie had of course followed me and gently asked if I needed help changing. It was weird that whilst in that room, that was precisely what I needed. Auntie took my silence as acquiescence and immediately came over and began to un-pop the studs around my crotch. She lifted the soft onesie over my head (which tickled and I let out a very childish giggle) and then eased my plastic pants over the thick diaper and down my legs, making me lift them one at a time as she pulled them off. I was just transfixed at the gentle way she went about her business, very obviously in control but with a touch that spoke to me more than words alone could do. The retaining tabs were broken and my sopping diaper was lightly guided away as auntie held it so as not to mess anything else. She tapped my bottom and headed me to the shower. As I wriggled under the warm jets, enjoying the soft massage they offered, I gave more thought to auntie’s offer. I wasn’t sure what exactly it would entail but I knew for definite that I liked, no, make that LOVED, what auntie had said and done so far. In just a few days she had gained my confidence and I was more than happy to go along with any and all her suggestions because even then, I knew she would not steer me into doing something I disliked. I trusted my auntie completely and that was something I’d never done with anyone else. # I wrapped a towel around myself and headed for my shambolic bedroom where all the boxes with my clothes in were. I arrived in the doorway full of dread at having to eventually sort it all out when I heard auntie call me from the nursery. “Dean baby, come here for a moment please.” She stood at the side of the low bed, which she’d already remade (although I suppose just straightening a sheet and duvet wasn’t going to take long) and indicated that she’d got my clothes ready for the day. “I hope you don’t mind but I thought these would be appropriate for the day as they are loose and light and I think you’ll feel more comfortable wearing them in our…” she said it with a huge grin as if she was a travel spokesperson for The Kansas Tourist Board, “welcoming heat?” I laughed and shrugged, at least it saved me time rummaging around in various boxes trying to find what was where. “Now then sweetie, a bit of a decision time.” I looked at her with a slight scowl wondering why she was making me make a decision at all; she’d done pretty well so far. She held up a pair of my white CK trunks. “These,” she said wafting them around for a couple of seconds, “or these?” In her other hand she held up a fresh clean disposable. # I was dumbfounded. I’d happily slept in the disposable but I wasn’t sure I would feel comfortable wearing a diaper during the day, when I was out in public, I mean, what would people think? I voiced these concerns as I wrapped the towel more tightly around my body, wishing I really didn’t have to make up my mind. “OK Dean, how about this? Today you wear your pants, but tonight you’ll wear these.” She waved the disposable at me. “In the morning I’ll ask you again and then you’ll make a decision and we’ll go with that. OK?” I nodded my agreement but she still indicated for me to lie out on the bed. “Look you’ve spent the night in a damp diaper so I think you still need some lotion and powder to prevent getting a rash.” I could see the sense in what she was saying so, without any reluctance, I dropped my towel and lay out. As she set about rubbing in some rather nice oil she mentioned that if I was going to be wearing diapers regularly I might have to think, for hygiene reasons, to lose the pubic hair I was now sprouting in abundance. She smiled as she said this and I was so enthralled by her slippery fingers coating my genitals I put up no resistance and murmured my agreement. I wasn’t really thinking just happy in the moment as my lower body enjoyed a sensation it had never experienced before. I know some of the boys at school had ‘experimented’ in such a way but I suppose my fierce and unfriendly attitude had precluded me from such ‘games’. Once she had finished I was sporting a boner which she just flicked, smiled and mumbled something about “Oh you boys” before pulling up my white trunks. I was a little sad it ended there and then a sudden feeling of horror rippled through my body as I thought how disgusting I must be to have thought my auntie was going to ‘finish me off’. I could see and feel my entire body glow with the red of shame. However, auntie seemed unconcerned about my sordid body and handed me a pair of soft khaki cotton twill shorts and a white t-shirt. I was so ashamed I hurriedly pulled up the shorts and got myself in a tangle as I tried to put my head through the arm hole of my t-shirt. To say I was embarrassed would be the least I was feeling but auntie checked me out and said what a smart boy I was and suggested she show me the Rainbow Rooms Nursery, which wasn’t very far away. # The shorts I wore was a pair that I’d stopped wearing because I thought they were too short but, with the sun bearing down, I appreciated that auntie had given me a chance against the heat. Besides that, I really wanted to get my legs a better colour than the pale white pallid hue they’d become thanks to the British climate. We walked less than two hundred yards down the road and around a corner to auntie’s business. The Rainbow Rooms Nursery was in a low, single story building, which had been specially constructed for Auntie Joan quite a number of years earlier and had become something of a mainstay and useful edition to the facilities of the area. Auntie told me that she was always busy and could have expanded to twice the size and still filled the place had she wanted to. However, building regulations and practicalities meant she knew what was manageable and liked what she had. Kids she’d looked after before were now bringing their children for her to look after and liked the friendliness and continuity she was able to offer. Because it was the weekend there were no children in the place and as she showed me around I began to get that same feeling I’d had when I first went into the bedroom nursery, a feeling of calm and pleasure. It had the same atmosphere of sweet smelling powder and… babies. There were shelves of books, activity areas, toys nicely stacked in huge clear boxes or hanging on the walls held together by nets. Bigger toys, which the kids could ride, were dotted around the main room, whilst the walls were decorated with the alphabet, numbers and joyful furry animals with balloons of speech coming out of their mouths. “Be nice”, “Think of others”, “Have fun”, “Joey the Giraffe says: Let’s grow together” and other such sweet sayings. In my head I could almost ‘see’ the children playing and wondered if their carefree essence now permeated the entire building? In another, quiet room, there were a host of little mats laid out on the floor for after lunch naptime. Again I almost caught myself curling up and settling down for an afternoon nap, well, in my mind at least. # Auntie said that the number of kids who wet themselves when they were napping is incredible so they were always at their busiest straight after they had all woken up. The queue for a diaper change was long but efficiently handled by her and the staff. She smiled as she showed me the changing area with its piles of diapers and stuff, not dissimilar to the one back home in the third bedroom. Outside there were other activities like a Jungle Gym with slides and climbing frames, swings and all manner of fun things for kids to enjoy. There were toys and objects available for smaller kids, babies, who could sit in a huge playpen and safely play away from the older, more energetic, members of the group. I was impressed. The whole ambience of the place was uplifting and I could see why auntie had chosen this as her business. I couldn’t think of anything more rewarding than to watch and encourage little kids to play and grow, have fun and enjoy life. God how I wished I could have had all that. # From ‘The Rainbow’ we picked up auntie’s car and drove into town where she showed me around. The centre wasn’t massive but seemed nice and to have all the stores, restaurants and other necessities a place this size needed. We parked up and went for lunch in the main mall. I was surprised just how well known auntie was. Almost everyone nodded and smiled as we passed. “Hi Miss Marsden” was followed by a nervous giggle from both boys and girls, whilst “Good Morning Joan” was followed by a little bit of gossip from the grown-ups. I was introduced to a few of her friends but without the history lesson, I didn’t want them to feel sorry for the poor kid who’d just lost his parents to terrorists. As it was she introduced me as her nephew who was now living with her but without any further explanation. That left a few people with bemused looks on their faces and you could see they desperately wanted to know more about this ‘mysterious youth’. I think auntie was enjoying keeping the full story to herself and watching the features on some straining for more facts. # We had, what I can honestly say, was the best pizza I’d ever had. In the UK I was never overly happy with what they described as pizza, and although I loved the ones our cook in DC made, this was by far superior. I was delighted to sit in that air-conditioned paradise and stuff my face, whilst sucking up gallons of soda, until my belly felt fit to burst. Auntie Joan gave the impression she was pleased that I’d got at least some of my appetite back and encouraged me to finish off with a huge ice cream sundae. I was in heaven. After lunch, as we walked around, I appreciated even more the lightweight outfit that auntie had chosen for me to wear. It felt nice as air circulated with each step, which gave a very pleasant feeling around my groin. We went to a store to buy new bedding for my ‘proper’ room but for some reason all the styles I liked were particularly childish. Auntie didn’t seem perturbed by my choice. “It’s you who’ll be sleeping in them so… the choice is yours.” She wasn’t that bothered either when I chose a particular fleecy looking blanket that, in my mind at least, I hoped would settle me down on a night as I hugged something so soft and gentle. She did point out that we had plenty of similar items already back at the house but understood why I might want my own. # We went to a couple of clothes stores because she thought I might need a completely different set of fashionable items to fit in with the ‘locals’ and to suit the extreme weather. However, I’d stupidly been holding in my desperate desire for a pee. My bloated bladder was calling out for release but I held on hoping that I could last until we finished shopping before I needed to go. Alas, a sudden pain shot from my bladder to the end of my dripping cock and forced me to rush off to find a toilet. Unfortunately, it was out of order, and the one thing I was keen to avoid in public… happened. What started as a small dark stain suddenly erupted into a huge ever-growing splurge as I couldn’t control the flow. My CK trunks did the best they could but they were no defence from the torrent that suddenly decided to gush forth. I was both embarrassed and terrified as I bent over to try and hide the developing accident and the yellowing trickle down my legs and onto the floor. Thankfully, auntie saw the situation arising so was already guiding me out to the car and soon we were safely on our way home. I could hardly speak I was so humiliated at what had happened and just hoped that I hadn’t shamed auntie. She seemed completely unconcerned about the fact that I’d wet myself but more bothered about my feelings. ‘Was I OK?’ ‘I wasn’t to worry; we’d soon be home where she’d sort me out.’ I was in tears. I felt guilty about sitting on her car seats, the front of my khaki shorts now dark and damp, but she told me I shouldn’t worry it was easy to wipe clean. As my blubbing quietened I simply felt uncomfortable (and stupid) wearing my soaked pants. At the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think that this wouldn’t have happened if I’d worn a diaper, or if it had, I wouldn’t look like I did… a big wet baby. Once home I quickly ran upstairs casting off my wet pants as I went and threw myself down on the Disney bed feeling self-conscious and silly. However, auntie came in and applied baby wipes to clean me up. The sweet scent filling my nostrils and making me feel at peace again. Once more she offered me a choice of briefs or diaper. This time I accepted the diaper. She powdered and taped me tightly in and then without asking slipped up a pair of thick blue vinyl pants to keep it all contained. She then disappeared into my room and returned with my navy blue shorts and guided me into them. It wasn’t that I was too numb to do this for myself it was just nice that auntie was there to help. # Part 3 When she’d finished her ministrations and I tentatively got up, the feeling of my crotch wrapped in a fresh, clean and dry set of padding was so much nicer. The soft bulk seemed so natural and auntie said I looked a lot happier. I was but didn’t know that my pleasure could actually be seen. For the rest of the day I sat out in the garden letting the sun toast my legs, enjoying the attention of auntie (she continually applied sun-screen) as we sat and talked about everything. I asked her for information on the school here in town, which I assumed I’d be attending, but she was surprisingly noncommittal about it. She said there were various forms but as yet had not sent them in so I didn’t have a school for the time being. I wasn’t sure if I should be pleased or not but auntie pointed out that I’d been through a very traumatic experience and she at least thought I needed some time to heal. The forms would be filled out when she thought I was ready and not before. There she was again thinking of what I might need and giving me time to sort things out for myself. # Auntie was very definite about some things, one of which was that I shouldn’t worry about using the diaper for what it’s designed for – pee and poop. I laughingly said I couldn’t imagine wanting to do either, although I had peed without knowing I was doing so. However, she said that if I did, it didn’t matter, just let her know when and she’d change me. Part of me was horror struck at the very idea of pooping my pants, at my age it was a definite no-no and something I’d never done even at school; that would have been just too gross even for my touch of the rebel. “Doodle’s pissed his bed… again.” Or a chorus of “He’s my Yankee Doodle Peepants” sang to that wonderful show tune, which never got boring… yeah, right. Those mocking voices of my school colleagues never really got to me because they were never said with any venom, just resigned acceptance. I obviously wasn’t the only bed-wetter in the place, as classy as it was. In spite of this, and for some strange reason I wasn’t aware of, I was pleased that at least for auntie it wasn’t a problem. I suppose because she dealt with little kids in diapers all day, the thought of poop and pee was of no consequence, no matter who it came from. I didn’t want to poop but considered that, as I was now wearing a diaper and plastic pants, perhaps getting to a toilet and taking the thing off, might be more of a problem than just doing it. I giggled to myself at that very thought. # As I was thinking about this the sensation of a little spurt of pee warmed my diaper and it felt nice. A moment later, and again what started as a little dribble, turned into a full surge. I went very quiet as my bladder emptied itself into my comfy diaper and thought I could tell that auntie knew just what had happened. It was a weird sensation and I don’t just mean the warming of my crotch. No, there was a definite shiver of, er, something, sorry, I’m not expressing this very well but… when I peed myself my body seemed to be ‘happy’ about it. I wasn’t horrified, I wasn’t ashamed, I didn’t immediately excuse myself, I, I… I didn’t do anything except happily sit in my flooded diaper. Something else happened, I liked the slight rustling from the plastic pants as I shifted somewhat so that the pee could get absorbed more evenly by the disposable. It was as if I was helping my diaper do its work. Weird eh? # We carried on talking and after a few minutes, when I thought I’d managed to get through it without her realising after all; she informed me that I should probably have a change as sitting around in such dampness would cause problems later on. She asked me to come up to the bathroom in a few minutes and went off to do whatever it was she wanted to do. I rubbed the front of my shorts and examined the increased volume of the expanded diaper underneath – I found it strangely comforting. The mound made me look particularly sexless and at the same time emphasised my crotch, the thought of the wet diaper and plastic pants giving me a raging stiffy that I hoped to get rid of before I ventured up to see auntie. # The bath was full and she stood by its side armed with a loofah and various lotions and potions. I was surprised to see that the water itself wasn’t filled with bubbles but she helped me out of my clothes and asked me to wait a moment before getting into the bath. I didn’t need any help but she seemed determined to make sure I was safe so guided me through this simplest of tasks. Yes, I can’t deny it, I was enjoying the attention. After years and years of absolutely no familial contact I was obviously going to grasp at what was offered and luxuriate in the care and attention auntie was bestowing on me. At school we were often naked in front of one and other and the regular check-ups from the doctor, sports coaches and the intimate living conditions meant you simply couldn’t be shy around others. Firstly auntie coated my body with a cream that left a glow to every part of my body it touched. She daubed a huge heap of the stuff onto my genitals and smoothed it in making sure every follicle was covered. Again I got that sexual feeling I’d had in the garden but tried to keep it from taking a hold, or stiffening up, whilst auntie was working ‘down there’. “You’re being a very brave little soldier.” She kissed the top of my head, though I wasn’t sure what I was being particularly brave about but thought maybe she was just humouring the situation as she would comfort a small child. It was nice and to be truthful, I felt like a little kid in her hands. She made me feel free to be me, and I was so grateful to be offered such freedom. Meanwhile, she continued to rub more and more lotion around my body and up into my arse crack. That set my cock throbbing and I could also feel something else brewing deep in my balls. The warming balm made everything feel like it was glowing and that piqued and sensitized all my nerve endings. However, before it got too intense she started scrubbing my body down with the loofah and I saw that all my fine hair was coming off with it. Pretty soon she had removed all my hair and my genitals looked like I was a three year-old, except a bit bigger. She sat me down in the water and then sponged the rest of my body to get rid of any excess cream. She shampooed my hair and asked if I’d mind if she cut it a little. I rather liked my long blondish hair but, as she pointed out, I’d probably suffer itchiness from sweating in the sun if I kept it too long. She’d been correct so far so I nodded. As she went off to get the scissors I examined my now hairless pubic area. It felt so soft and smooth and looked rather, special. I rubbed it lightly and the soft silky feel was quite a turn on but I doubted I could masturbate before auntie returned. # Moments later I was right, as she came in with a pair of hair clippers, and got me out of the bath to dry me down. Once I was thoroughly towelled she had me stand on a piece of newspaper as she set about cutting my hair. She was no bespoke hairdresser and styled my hair in the simplest way possible. She just ran the clippers from front to back on a setting that left me with a very short haircut indeed. The buzzing implement making short work of my long locks but in next to no time her task was complete. It was a dramatic change of image but auntie appeared pleased with her work no matter how much of a shock it was to me. Taking a damp sponge she removed any fallen hairs from my now denuded body and led me into the nursery. “Sweetie, I think after today we’ll give your underpants a miss and settle on diapers for the foreseeable future. Is that OK with you?” I was standing naked and she was fussing around my lower region seemingly pulling off stray and loose hairs. My silky cock was showing signs of rearing up again but my mind was begging it to go down I didn’t want auntie to think I was some kind of pervert. “OK sweetheart, it looks like that,” she said gently flicking my cock, “is going to be a bit troublesome for you but, I’ll sort that out tomorrow, in the meantime, let’s get you into your bed time diapers.” It was only around 6pm and I wondered if she was putting me to bed early for some reason. “Is it bed time already?” I asked nervously wondering if I was being punished for wetting in public. “No Dean, it’s just, well, you’re all clean and tidy, so it seems silly dressing you again only to get you ready for bed again later on. Why do a job twice, you’re not planning on going anywhere this evening… er… are you?” She gave me that cute, accusing mock look as if I’d been organising something on my own without discussing it with her first but of course I hadn’t. “Noooo.” I shyly shrugged like a toddler would. “So, that’s settled. I’ll get you ready and then we can spend the rest of the evening not having to worry about a thing as it’s already done.” # Of course auntie made complete sense and as she guided me in to the nursery I noticed the Disney duvet pulled back and ready for me to climb in. I was happy about that, as I didn’t really want to start and build my real bed just yet. I’d had such a wonderful sleep the previous night, so in a way, I was looking forward to sleeping there again. On the floor was set out a plastic changing mat, she said that I’d be too heavy for the one on top of the dresser where she changed the babies in her care, and set against that were a pile of diapers and stuff. Her calming hands were soon covering my entire body in a slick of sweet smelling oil, her slippery fingers taking special notice of my recently sheared pubic area and bottom, where at her soft touch again I got those horny sensations travelling along my cock. Auntie took absolutely no notice and continued smoothing in the mollifying balm. To finish she sprinkled a cloud of even sweeter smelling powder over everything before reaching for a thick fabric diaper. I was intrigued about how she had all this stuff that appeared to fit me so well. “Well, I told you that occasionally we have older boys and girls who come to the nursery.” I nodded that I remembered. “I have to be prepared for most eventualities so I have diapers, plastic pants and various other items in large sizes that I hope would fit a teen boy or girl. As it is, over a number of years I’ve had clothing sent to me for approval from various companies (and grateful parents) so have stacks of old and new items that should cover just about any age group.” She beamed that smile that brought the cross examination to a close, and in truth, it had answered all my queries. # All this had been said as she folded me into a double thick diaper and pulled a pair of nursery print plastic pants up over it all. I was a bit shocked at how childish it looked but before I had an opportunity to complain, she was pulling another cotton onesie, in the same print as the plastic pants, over my head and snapping it together under my crotch. It was very bulky, much bulkier than the previous night’s protection so wriggled about in it to try and get comfortable. The thing was - it was very comfortable - I was just making a show of the fact I was wearing it all. The other ‘problem’ was I actually loved the silliness and juvenile look I was now sporting. In my head I was a happy toddler, what I was wearing was of no importance, what was, the fact I was comfortable and HAPPY. Auntie could tell immediately that I was in a place that I loved. She had read my mind and come up with something that I would never have asked for or knew I desired, yet here I was, ecstatic in my new childish outfit. Even though it was so early I was in two minds whether to crawl straight into bed but auntie had other ideas and we went downstairs for our evening meal in front of the TV. After we’d fed ourselves I cuddled up next to her and we watched some programmes that I can’t remember. What I do remember was the joy I felt as she stroked my hair and patted my bulky bottom. After what felt like a lifetime of anger and frustration I’d eventually found what I hoped for, a family that loved me and a place I wanted to be. It’s so easy to drift off when you’re relaxed and I slipped in and out of sleep as auntie’s warm body and comforting caresses left me feeling utterly content. I don’t know what time I eventually climbed up to bed but, with auntie’s guiding hand, I slipped under the Disney duvet, was given my teddy bear and a feeling of serenity filled my body. I vaguely heard the rail being pulled up and clicked into position but I was so comfortable, and perhaps even in a state of bliss, that within moments I’d slipped into deep sleep. # I woke up and it was Sunday morning. Back in the UK, the entire school had to go to church and I didn’t know if auntie had similar leanings. However, just moments after my bearings had returned she came in like a breath of fresh air and slid down the rail. “Morning poppet.” This was a new term of sweet talk and I wriggled in pure pleasure on hearing it. “I left you to sleep a little longer than usual, you looked like you could do with the extra hours but, there’s no rush for you to get up if you don’t want to.” She looked at me and then around the room. “You can stay and play up here if you want but come down and join me for breakfast when you’re ready.” She was speaking to me as if I was a little kid and I didn’t mind. In fact, I giggled as I bounced teddy on my chest thinking about what exactly I planned to do. She was like a whirlwind as she picked up various little bits and bats off the floor, drew back the blinds, kissed me and teddy as we lay curled up in bed and patted my padded bottom. “We’ll get that sorted after breakfast.” She smiled and was gone leaving me to stretch and wallow in my lovely warm bed. I had this strange thought that all the Disney characters on the covers had encouraged me to a peaceful night’s sleep so I was mentally thanking them all… one by one. # I reached below the duvet to feel the thick wadding and knew I was very wet. Once again I’d been so relaxed as I slept that getting up and going to the bathroom had never occurred to me. Actually, I couldn’t remember even knowing I had to go so, that was new. It hit me that with the rails up I might, in the dark, have trouble finding my way to the bathroom anyway. No sooner had that thought entered my head than it was gone and replaced by the sight of a couple of toys that had been left out. I didn’t know if she’d done it on purpose but there appeared to be a train and racing car next to the diaper pail and their bright colours were beckoning me over. I eased myself up, the thickness of the padding making me roll rather the climb out of bed and over to the two models. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and had forgotten just how short my hair now was. Coupled with the baby print onesie and the enormous padding I looked like the biggest toddler in the world. I was shocked but giggled at my reflection, the plastic pants gripped tightly to the top of my leg and could easily be seen bulging out under the onesie, thankfully it all matched so…? I wasn’t sure ‘so what’ but the fact that it all co-ordinated pleased me as I admired my reflection. I hadn’t had chance to appreciate exactly what I looked like before, but now, well, I was a kid again. Everything about me gave the impression I was a big, incontinent kid. Auntie had given me, visually at least, the opportunity to be a toddler again. A shudder of excitement passed through my body as I deliberately sat down with a squish on my well soaked padded bottom. I spent the next half hour or so pushing the toys around and making various noises not quite believing that I was enjoying playing, and playing on my own. I couldn’t remember ever having done this before, I know I must have at some point but, this just felt like an entirely new experience. Eventually I heard auntie calling breakfast was ready, so I reluctantly left them parked under my bed and slowly shuffled down stairs. # After breakfast she insisted, while she tidied around, and so I wouldn’t get under her feet, I go and play in the garden. I was still wet and dressed in my night time ensemble (see the British education filled me with words I never thought I’d use) and though I felt a bit nervous about doing so, I wondered into the morning air and immediately loved the feeling of being in an open space dressed as I was. The slight breeze caught my hairless legs and it felt cooling, I liked the feeling so much I thought it would be silly to ever have them covered up again. I sat out and relaxed. The birds were singing and it was as if it was the first time I’d ever really listened to birdsong. I could hear other kids playing out in their own gardens. The occasional vehicle drove along the road out front and in the distance a mechanical sound, which I guess was someone mowing their lawn. I’m not sure why but all these sounds gave me the goosebumps as I looked down at my colourful childish onesie. I began to think in terms of what it must be like to discover everything; sights, sounds, experiences, learning to walk, to talk, to recognise your parents, to feel loved. This was not what I expected when Auntie Joan said “Come and live with me” but I really felt like I was undergoing so much for the very first time. I was beginning to appreciate what auntie had said she could offer and as I spread myself in the sun, I wanted to start again. A little while later auntie came out into the garden armed with the changing pad and all the accessories she needed. I was about to experience my first outdoors diaper change and felt a rush of excitement… things were moving on at such a pace. # I sat there in the lawned back garden wearing nothing but a fresh disposable and clear plastic pants. I felt like I just wanted to run around, scream, laugh and play, all of which I’m sure would have been OK but I detected that auntie wanted a more serious chat. As always she could see that I was in my element but she had doubts. “Dean, it’s very important to me that you are happy.” I smiled in acknowledgement because I already was. “But I don’t want you thinking you have to please me… because you don’t.” I shivered a little bit confused she looked a bit serious. “Don’t you like me dressed like…” I stroked over the silky, glossy mound of my plastic pants. “Of course sweetheart, I want you to be you more than anything else… but what I want has to be the same as what you want. I’d hate to take you down a path you weren’t happy about.” “Well auntie, what do you want?” Her serious face melted a little and a smile appeared. “You are already giving me so much, even after such a short time together I feel much rejuvenated.” “Aaannnddd?” I queried in a childish drawn out way. She took a deep breath. “I won’t lie to you Dean,” She was thinking, her eyes sort of drifted off into a slightly different realm as she spoke. “But in my imagination you are a sweet little toddler taking their first independent steps.” She interrupted herself. “Not that I don’t like you just as you are.” I nodded and it was as if I’d given her permission to carry on with her fantasy. “But… I like you in a diaper. I love dressing you in your protection. I even enjoyed the fact that you wet yourself at the mall…” She obviously hoped this wasn’t something too far. “Not that I wanted to embarrass you, or you to be embarrassed, it was just the thought I needed to protect my sweet baby boy. That he… you… needed me to make things better.” I gave her one of my coy little looks, which I’m sure was pathetic but I wanted her to know I appreciated all she did for me. “I see an opportunity to let you have something you’ve told me you never had, a proper childhood. I watch your reaction when you are around even the most juvenile things and I see an urge to be involved. I noticed at Rainbow. I noticed it in the nursery…” She indicated the house behind her. “I noticed how happy you are to be in a diaper and dressed as a toddler, all of which I love you for because, I have to admit it, you look so damn cute... and ... more importantly, you look contented.” She smiled and I wondered over to her. She patted my bulging bottom as we hugged each other tightly. She carried on but in a much dreamier voice. “I want a boy who wants nothing more than to play and enjoy life, a boy free of any grown-up thoughts or worries, a boy who wants nothing more than to scream and charge around with other kids his age and build forts, live in his imagination and not worry about anything else. A young boy should not have any grown up worries and should only see his life through his own eyes, not blinkered by parents who try and guide him to their destination.” I felt her words gathering in my chest. It was a strange sensation; several different emotions welled up inside, each competing with one another. One moment it was awful, then not too bad, then confusing, eventually any bad thoughts disappeared and I was elated when I whispered in her ear. “I’ll be your little boy. I’ll be the best little boy ever.” I saw her face beam with pride. We cuddled in the garden, in the morning sun for quite a while as she simply stroked my padded bottom and kissed my head. “OK… if you’re sure.” # Part 4 Monday morning and I was nervous. It was to be my first day at Rainbow Rooms and, as Auntie had pointed out the day before; I would be treated just like all the other kids. I would dress the same, I would eat the same, I’d play the same and I would nap when told to. I was not going to get any special privileges except, at the end of the day, I’d be returning home with auntie. # We’d spent an awful lot of Sunday chatting and I discovered a great deal about my parents that I never knew. Like, for instance, they had met at university and both had been Math Majors, apparently, they fell for each other over a discussion on Calculous. This meant nothing to me accept auntie informed me that they married early and tried, as soon as Uni finished, having a family. Alas, they were thwarted in their efforts and ended up immersing themselves in their careers, which were both spiralling to greatness in their chosen fields. As it turned out, dad became a government analyst, whilst mother was headhunted for her code-breaking research, so both ended up working in the same ‘state’ department in the capital. Both mom and dad stopped discussing their work with family and were often away on special assignments around the globe. Then, as an unexpected career-ender, I came on the scene. I was such a surprise that mom never even knew she was expecting until two months before I arrived. To say I was a shock to my parents system was a bit of an understatement and although they appeared on the surface to be incredibly happy at this ‘wonderful’ event, I arrived at the wrong time in their lives. According to auntie both of them tried to be good parents but such were the demands on them and their specialised knowledge, they shoved me off for others to look after. “Your parents were both incredibly clever,” she said this as if, in some way, she was proud of their achievements. “Alas, I’m afraid their parenting skills had left them completely by the time you were almost out of diapers. However, they wanted what they thought was best for you, even if they couldn’t actually be there to make it happen, so… you were handed over to people they thought could bring you up better.” I wanted to interrupt. I wanted desperately to ask why she hadn’t taken me in; I never gave it any thought that perhaps she had her own ambitions that didn’t include me. “Education, learning, achieving… these were your father’s edicts on life in general.” She looked a bit sorrowful at me and to be honest I was feeling more than a bit sorry for myself as she continued. “What it was like to be a parent completely passed them by… and to be honest, from the little we could glean from their hectic lives, the government needed their abilities more and more. So, they sent you off to where they thought you’d be best educated and I presume, because of their increasingly important work, safe.” I know auntie wasn’t trying to be unkind but I felt like I was a burden to my parents and found that upsetting. Knowing I was the problem and not my illustrious parents was not what a thirteen year-old boy can quite grasp and I was feeling very sick in my stomach at the thought. I felt hopeless, useless and I wept not knowing what or who the tears were for, my head found it hard to cope. That Sunday was a complete and utter revelation. However, as I listened (and sobbed) at least I gained more info about my parents in those few hours than I had in the rest of my life. # She also showed me photographs of her and my Uncle Bill, who I didn’t remember at all, and the glass trophy they had won for their dancing. Apparently they had met twenty years ago just as auntie was building The Rainbow Rooms Nursery. He had been an odd-job man and there to put the finishing touches to the building; painting, plastering, doing any of the little bits of carpentry that were left. She had been entranced by his easy going and affable nature, the fact that he looked great in his overalls also had a big say in her pursuing him. They had struck up a conversation, found they both enjoyed dancing and in what appeared to have been a whirlwind romance, were married within six-months. He continued his odd-job work, she saw her nursery flourish, which he thought was amazing as he loved children as much as his wife, and they lived happily ever after. Well not quite. It was strange as I looked in her album and saw all the happy photos of this rather handsome man I felt I’d missed out on so much again. What would it have been like to have a family, a family who loved me, a family who was there? My eyes filled up and I began to softly weep, which set auntie off and between us we hugged each other in comfort. However, every time auntie patted my padded bottom I knew all was now well and I was secure; the soft rustling of my plastic pants a gentle reminder of that rather basic fact. # At around 6.30am auntie had come into the nursery to wake me up for my first real Rainbow day. My night had been filled with confusing dreams of my parents, except Auntie Joan and Uncle Bill were them, my real mom and dad were just passing people who appeared to have very little to do with me… apart from wave from a distance. I know at one point I got pretty anxious and shrieked out because I noted that in the morning I was hugging a teddy bear, which hadn’t been with me at the start of the night. It was extraordinary, after I’d screamed, although I can’t remember if it was in fear for something to do with me or terror about someone else, a voice calmed me, telling me everything was going to alright, not to worry and go back to sleep. In my dream a teddy was placed in my outstretched arms and I loved the feel of his soft fur against my skin. The effect was instant. Everything was just as the disembodied voice had said, I was snuggly and relaxed and had my teddy for security. “How is my best little boy this morning?” She beamed as she moved around, dropped down the rails and pulled back my duvet. I was grinning in happiness at being called her ‘best little boy’. All this sweet talk and cheeriness was having an impact on the way I woke up; excited and in high spirits. “I see my little boy had a fright in the night,” she felt down my diaper, “let’s get you washed and changed as you have a big new day today.” # The fact that my thick night time fabric diaper was absolutely sodden was taken for granted - no big deal because the rest of the bed was bone dry. Although when at school I had wet the bed only occasionally, since the funeral it had become a nightly thing. I was grateful for the nappy, I didn’t like waking up to a soaked bed and it made me feel better knowing I hadn’t wet anything other than myself. She popped the studs on the onesie, pulled off my plastic protection and unpinned the diaper, helped me out of bed and patted my bottom towards the bathroom. “Everything thoroughly washed and dried,” she said ruffling my short hair and gently slapping my bum once more in fun. I was naked and toddled off to shower myself for what promised to be the start of an exhilarating day. Showering appeared to be the only grown up act that I was allowed to do for myself because when I returned, everything was laid out and ready for the day ahead. Auntie inspected that I was dry and wiped any areas that I’d missed. She oiled and lotioned my entire body making sure that no rash or roughness had appeared on my delicate, newly exfoliated skin. Once again my penis began to get engorged but auntie quickly powdered and applied a very thick soaker pad to my fresh clean disposable and taped it into place. This made access to my genitals almost impossible so I wouldn’t be seeking relief anytime soon. This time the diaper was covered in a pair of white rubber pants that gripped the top of my legs and waist tightly but added a slick, shiny look to my outfit. I had loved the nursery print pants I’d worn previously, and when we were alone I hoped to do so again, but I was glad that auntie had gone with a more neutral, if bulkier, look for my first day. She’d found a loose fitting blue and green striped t-shirt from one of my unopened crates in the other bedroom and a pair of elasticated shorts, which hung loosely around my hips, from somewhere else. They didn’t hide my protection but at least they didn’t emphasise it either. I slipped into a pair of blue trainers to complete the first day in my ‘Rainbow Rooms Nursery Collection’. # I knew that Rainbow operated from 7.30am to 4.00pm and as it was now 7.35 realised that she was letting a few more of the usual kids get there first before I was introduced to them all. She had called Julie, her No. 2, the day before to explain that I’d be attending and that we’d be in about 8am. She also told her my age but said that owing to the tragedy that had recently befallen me, I was really not able to deal with any situation a boy my age would normally be expected to be able to cope with. This gave her the perfect excuse to introduce me to the other children as someone who was just like them, the staff already being pre-informed of my ‘problem’. As I finished my breakfast cereal auntie was on the phone making arrangements for later that day. “Hello Gordon.” She listened for the reply. “Yes it is… pause… Yes I’m back… pause… I have some jobs for you and Colin if you are available?” She walked through to the den to finish her call and I could no longer hear what was being said. However, I’d found a new thing to occupy myself with; my slippery bottom and loose fitting shorts made an ideal padded, rustling sound as I slid against the chair. It felt funny, and sounded funny, and I was really quite absorbed in the strange sensations it created as I wriggled more and more in my seat. I was enjoying the completely silly experience of being silly and making a noise just because I found it entertaining. I didn’t realise that auntie had finished her call and was smiling as I bounced around making strange noises thanks to my padded bottom, rubber pants and slippery chair. # As we walked the short distance from the house to the nursery (auntie had told me she liked that term better than kindergarten or crèche) I was nervous. Nervous of being out where people could see me dressed as I was, happy that I was dressed as I was, loving the warm morning air as it swirled around my bare legs and incredibly happy that I was holding auntie’s hand as she led me into the reception area of her business. All the small faces looked up for a few seconds and then got back to whatever they were doing. Obviously, seeing a taller toddler around the place was nothing new but the staff was quick to welcome me and feel part of the session. Auntie had advised me to take my time to get involved. She pointed out that as a thirteen year-old my language skills were way ahead of the toddlers so, to listen and get their speech patterns, listen to how they describe or ask for things and then do things at their level, otherwise she said laughing, “They’ll think you’re just another member of staff.” As usual, auntie made sense and I watched for a while. All the staff were engrossed with the children; there were four under 12 months, babies really, but the rest were from two and a half up to five years old. It was fascinating watching what they did and how they went about it but Molly and William came and grabbed me and wanted to play - they were sort of the toddler welcoming committee. # I got down on all-fours and followed them to a play area which had huge cubes and shapes made out of colourful plastic backed foam. We set about creating a building of some description (and to Molly’s design) and had a great deal of fun watching the towers we built fall on top of us. There was a lot of laughter and squealing with delight involved. My shorts rode up over the glossy white cushioned diaper so it could be clearly seen by anyone who might be interested I was just as padded as some of the other kids. Actually, there were about half who looked protected and others who’d made the grade to potty training, so wore normal underwear. However, Molly and William and a couple more of their friends were definitely like me because at one point I had two of them sitting on my tummy, another balancing on my knees and Molly’s little padded bottom wriggling on my head. I’m not sure how to describe the sensation of having a plastic clad, damp and diapered little bum rubbing itself, with not a care in the world, into your face but it was quite overwhelming. The other diapered kids were equally unrestrained as they bound around and bounced up and down on my own well-protected and padded groin. Occasionally one of the staff might ask if one of the boy’s or girl’s particularly droopy nappy (that’s my English education coming out again - ‘nappy’?) might need changing and if so, they were whisked over to the diaper station and quickly attended to. # Well into the morning and I was having fun. We stopped and sat around in a circle having milk and cookies whilst one of the interns, a pretty girl of about seventeen, read us all a story. Some of the kids drank their milk from Sippy cups or a baby’s bottle; although some were more than keen to show off they were grown up and didn’t need such childish things. I was given a Sippy cup like Molly and William for my milk and I couldn’t have been happier. The cookies were sweet, crumbly and definitely yummy. My nappy was damp but I didn’t know if it was from sweating with all the running about or, if in my excitement, I’d let loose a flow. However, when a hand pulled at my shorts and felt down the front, I was led off by one of the main staff to be changed. I wondered if auntie would come and sort me out but it was left to the hand-owner to strip me down, wipe me clean, spread some cream around, powder and eventually slip me into a fresh clean disposable then back into my white rubber pants. She then smiled, patted my dry padded bottom and said I could go back to play with my friends. # It was amazing! I wasn’t treated any differently to the other diaper wearing pre-schoolers. I was worried that my ‘emotions’ would mean I’d have a difficult time containing my excitement and that my de-pubed genitals might react. However, they were ignored, pushed to one side and the job of making sure I was sanitary and tidy was the obvious priority… it was almost as if I didn’t have a penis at all. When diapered, and the bulge in my shorts seemed to accentuate my groin, I loved the fact that it didn’t allow access. Despite the fact that all this protection had become a major influence on my moment to moment existence, the potty was definitely out of the question and all my instinctive actions were that I could and should use my nappy. The urges that normally lingered ‘down below’, were of little to no importance. # Screaming in delight as we ran around the garden (I on all fours), flitting from one shaded area to the next, all of us in bare feet enjoying the tickle of grass between our toes, we spoke in very childish terms. They asked how old I was but I said I didn’t know though hoped I was the same age as them as they were my new friends. They liked that answer because both William and Thomas cuddled me. These little padded kiddies, with no ulterior motive, hugged and patted me as if I was a new found pet and that was simply wonderful. I felt accepted, so when Molly, Elizabeth and Corey, with whom I’d also been playing did the same… I was in my element. Most of the nappy wearers smelled slightly of pee and poo and I wondered how long before I did… or did I already? # After lunch, ‘quiet time’ was announced so we all toddled to a little mat and lay out. It was too hot to need a blanket but I thought no one would be able to fall asleep after such an exciting morning. I was wrong. Not only did the blinds at the windows make the room nice and dark, there was a lilting piece of atmospheric music gently playing in the background, which appeared to push all other thoughts from the mind and let you quickly settle down. To my complete surprise I woke up with all the others about 45 minutes later. My other surprise, I was completely soaked and joined the queue to be changed. This time it was one of the interns, a nice, softly spoken Irish girl called Gwen who had the honour of cleaning me up. She, like the rest of the staff, was quick and efficient and I was soon back, lying on my tummy crayoning with a few other kids. Normally I’m reasonably OK with art projects but on this occasion I let Molly and another quietly spoken and nervous-looking girl called Beatrice help me choose each colour I should use. Beatrice was wearing a cute little tutu style dress with her thick padding in matching pink plastic heavily on show. She decided to sit on my padded bottom to watch what I did and make noises of approval; well I hoped that’s what they were. Eventually she got up and wondered round to my head and I could see her diaper was hanging even more heavily than before and she had more than a faint odour of poo. Two seconds later and Doreen, one of the main staff, saw he sagging diaper and whisked her off with a smile and jolly words about being a lovely princess who should meet the ‘diaper fairy’. # Four pm came around far too quickly. Parents started to arrive and collect their offspring and there was a lot of chatting and discussion about… well… what do parents talk about? For once, I wasn’t really all that interested. It could have been about the cost of living, some political furore or me, I just did not care. I’d spent the best part of the day in nothing but play and I felt brilliant. I was only saddened that it had come to an end so soon but that feeling of despair soon was turned into one of elation as I realised that I’d be doing it all over again the following day. Being a tot was certainly a lot of highs and lows in pretty quick succession but I loved it. I’d played, made new friends, been changed, made more new friends, screamed, squealed, charged around, napped, ate and wet myself and I wanted more of it all. As a thirteen (almost fourteen) year-old this was absolutely the most fun I’d ever had and it topped my computer games as a way of entertainment, like a million to one. Other than at the start of the morning I hadn’t seen much of auntie. I suppose she was busy organising, arranging and doing what principals do but I know she kept an eye on everything that was happening. When a little later, after all the other kids had been picked up and she offered me her hand saying, “Let’s go”, I felt like I’d just had the best day of my life and I couldn’t stop squeezing her hand and thanking her for giving me so much. # Once we arrived back at 46 Glendew Lane I could see a young man just packing up a truck, it had GorCol Services written on the side and in script underneath, No job too small. “Good afternoon Mrs Marsden, hope your day was fine?” “Yes, thank you Gordon, hope all the little jobs weren’t too much for you and Colin?” She asked with a smile. “No ma-am, we can come back tomorrow to give it all another coat of paint… if that’s OK with you… meanwhile, I think Colin is just finishing off upstairs. He’ll be down in a minute.” “Fantastic, you boys certainly work hard… and fast, tomorrow will be fine but…” and she pushed me forward to meet this tall, blond-haired twenty something man, “this is Dean my nephew, and the reason for all the changes, he’ll be living here from now on.” He reached out his large firm hand. “Pleased to meet you Dean, your aunt is a fine lady…” Whilst holding on to my rather juvenile handshake he looked me up and down, obviously taking in my bulky diaper and childish clothes. For the first time that day I felt uneasy under his gaze and wanted to hide just what I was wearing. “…seems like you’ll fit in just fine around here.” The smile was one of shear friendliness and my initial reserves disappeared as an equally good-looking young man joined him in his greeting. Gordon introduced him. “Dean, this is my brother Colin.” He also shook my hand and nodded an acknowledgement but I could see he was as reticent as I was on this first meeting. They climbed into the cab of their truck and, waving to us both, said they would be back in the morning to finish things off. “Come inside,” auntie said, “I’ll tell you who they are over some food … you must be famished… you’ve never stopped all day. # “Gordon and Colin Hudson were two boys your Uncle Bill took under his wing when they were kids.” I munched down on the pie auntie had supplied, fresh from the oven, together with mashed potatoes and veg. I don’t know how she knew it but had also made thick onion gravy, which I got a taste for back in the UK. I was half expecting to be eating baby food but this was wonderful and in between mouthfuls, she continued with whom these men were and what they did. “They were just ten and eleven year-old, Gordon being the eldest, when they came to Bill’s attention as a couple of hooligans. Their parents had split up, dad was a drunk and they were left to fend for themselves.” I continued tucking into my meal as she smiled at the memory. “Somewhere in the course of their loutish behaviour they smashed down some doors at a property where Bill was working but he caught them.” She could tell I was engrossed. “He gave them the option of him calling the police, after which they would no doubt be spending time in a kid’s detention home, where they might possibly be split up, or they could help him repair the damage they’d done. Colin, the youngest started to cry at the very thought of not having his brother around so they reluctantly agreed to help.” She looked at me as if revealing a huge secret. “Bill discovered, that even at that young age, they had incredible carpentry skills. They fixed the damage and continued to help Bill on a few of his projects. Colin had problems when alone but as long as his brother was around he’d be fine. So, we ended up occasionally giving them refuge if their father was on one of his benders but all-in-all encouraged them to develop their talents.” She went into slightly more detail but was smiling all the way through remembering the impact that Bill had on all their lives. How easy going, non-judgemental and positive he was. Gordon and Colin were his legacy. “They have become one of the most reliable little firms in the area, and, are my number one guys to go to if I ever need anything doing.” I was smiling because she was smiling but it did make me wish that I’d known Uncle Bill, he seemed a genuinely nice guy. I wriggled in my damp diaper as she finished what she was saying and I swallowed the last piece of pie. I knew I was wet but seemed to just let it flow at the table without even thinking about it. I wasn’t sure if I should feel guilty or not but, well, it happened. She looked over at me as I thanked her for the lovely meal and put her head to one side. “Sweetie… are you messy… or just wet?” It was as if I had no secrets or maybe the pleasure of a soaked diaper was just so apparent. However I nodded. “Just, er, a little, erm, wet.” So auntie held out her hand and led me upstairs. # My bedroom door was closed and had a sign that proclaimed WET PAINT. Meanwhile, the nursery door was open and I noticed there’d been a few changes in there as well. “I’ve had the crib taken into my room.” Auntie confirmed. “Meanwhile, as you can see the bed you’ve been sleeping in has been moved over… I’m not sure it is all that comfortable for you as you are growing all the time…” “No it’s perfect. I really like it.” I interrupted suddenly panicking in case I was going to be forced into the other room now. “As you can see, I’ve had another bed installed, with your choice of covers and the fleece you wanted, which I hope will be slightly more comfortable for you.” The room looked terrific. The dresser had been made higher, the shelves of all the diapers and stuff were also raised. Everything looked tidier and the two beds looked fit for a couple of sweet toddlers to have a great night’s sleep in. There was even a rubber mat with play areas and characters marked out all over it, any kid would enjoy. It looked ideal for where a toddler, or someone like me, could have a really good time. At the side of that was a huge box with the word TOYS stencilled across it and hanging off the rails above the diaper station were a selection of colourful plastic and rubber pants. I checked in the closet and a whole new bunch of onesies, sleep suits and toddler clothes were all hanging ready for… me. “Ohh auntie.” I cried “It looks wonderful.” I hugged her and she hugged me back. “This is now your room, although, should you have a sleepover, or I have to babysit, you will be sharing this with any guest… understand?” I nodded enthusiastically taking in the simple wonders that auntie had produced, well, Gordon and Colin I presumed had produced. The entire nursery just felt even more special and I could feel myself shaking in happiness that I had somewhere like this. “What’s happening in the other room?” I innocently asked. “Well, this is something we have to think about. You see, eventually you will have to go to school.” I could feel the tears building desperately not wanting that to happen after my first day at Rainbow. “Dean, I have to face facts. At some point the Education Department is going to start asking questions about why you’re not in school. Don’t worry, I shall keep them wondering for as long as I can but, it is inevitable that it will happen.” My eyes misted over thinking about all I currently had, gone. “Dean.” She took me by the shoulders so I was facing her as she explained further. “This other room is going to be for a boy of your real age; your clothes, computer, everything that a boy your age needs will be there as you grow. There will be times when you are at the next stage in your education that you won’t want to be a toddler, you’ll want to be a teenager, you’ll want other things and they’ll become important to you.” I didn’t want responsibilities but I knew that, unfortunately, as always, auntie was probably correct. I’d just gotten used to my diaper and all the other stuff that made me feel, well, protected and like a child again. I’d loved these feelings of unabashed childishness - the liberty to act like a little kid and love every minute of it. To discover such simple and basic pleasures of having no stress because others took charge and made the decisions. My entire body left to enjoy the fun of play and not have to compete or meet anybody else’s expectations. As I sadly thought all this I felt the slow, warming at the front of my diaper. # To be continued… Part 5 There is something about being in a thick diaper. You walk differently. Yes, a waddle of course but something else, the thicker padding causes an amble that makes you feel… ‘toddlersome’. With the extra fabric I sense, with each step, my legs being slightly forced apart, my hips swing more and I have to ‘shake’ every now and then to un-bunch the folds of material. It isn’t a big movement but one that makes me feel, well, makes me feel my diaper is an important part of me. Now I’m getting used to the warm, wet and satisfying feeling of peeing in it… I like it even more. # Auntie Joan was continuing her thoughts about the rooms. “But, for as long as you want and desire your childhood, we have this room as well.” Her hand swept over the improved nursery. “You choose where you want to sleep and how…” My warm diaper had transformed me to a three year-old and my mind wandered. I wriggled in the wet delight and looked over at the piles of diapers at the change station hoping I’d get to wear them all before I had to go back to being a ‘big boy’. The very thought of being anything but what I now was I found frightening. I loved being auntie’s ‘good little boy’, I felt at my most comfortable when I was well-padded and now I’d learned how to have fun, I was in no hurry to return to a school of my peers; Molly, William and the others back at Rainbow were now my peers. I’d only just promised auntie I’d be her ‘little boy’ and now that I was, I would do anything to stay that way. I instinctively knew that she wouldn’t want me to change, that any change would be forced on her by government rules. I just hoped that she would delay the inevitable for as long as possible. I wanted my diaper, I wanted my short shorts, I wanted colourful and juvenile clothes, cartoons, lullabies, mad bursts of energy followed by naps. I wanted to hold hands when we went out, I wanted to know that crying wasn’t seen as a sissy thing to do but what was expected from a child with limited vocabulary. I wanted to be loved as you would and should love a toddler. With Auntie Joan I got that and more… and I wasn’t going to give it up if I could help it. # I was sitting in the bubble-filled bath feeling a bit sad but auntie was kneeling by the side and encouraging me to play with a couple of toy boats she’d added. I half-heartedly sailed them around. “Dean, sweetie, I want you to be a happy little boy for as long as possible.” She squeezed the sponge over my head and the resulting warm cascade was very soothing. “We have to face up to the fact that things change and I want it so… well… it isn’t a trauma when it happens. However, I don’t want my best little boy to worry. It’s going to be a while before any changes happen and…” She stroked my short wet hair and looked me in the eye. “There’s nothing to stop you being a little boy when you come home from big boy school now is there?” She looked at me to see if there was a happy response in my eyes but at that moment I just sighed and shrugged and let auntie continue bathing me. Once finished and dried I was again made ready for bed. The oil she spread over my body, and the obvious pleasure she got from making sure it was thoroughly rubbed in, made me smile. She was doing her best and I was coming round to accepting that we had started on a ‘relationship’ that neither of us really knew where or when it would end. I didn’t like these adult thoughts and I hoped they would be my last, but thankfully auntie was going to be there for whatever happened and more importantly, for whatever I needed. # I bucked up as a shower of baby powder covered my lower half and I could see she had already pre-folded my night time diaper. It had the thick pad in place and she deftly slipped it under my bum, lifted up my legs and adding more powder to my bottom and genitals before taking the huge pins and securing me in. This time she snapped me into a thick pair of bright yellow vinyl pants and pulled an equally bright yellow onesie over my head and snapped that into place. “Where is he?” She hid her face behind her hands before quickly reappearing. “There he is.” She was playing the simplest and silliest baby game going and I was giggling. It was a joke because I was laid there in the brightest yellow possible, a beacon of visibility, and no one could have lost me looking like that. She did the same routine a couple more times before I was laughing so much I thought I might pee myself again. Auntie took my hand and helped me to my feet. There it was again, that wonderful, bulky feeling that made me feel so… special. We waddled down stairs together and she sat me on the couch to watch more TV. This time she’d set a DVD going that was really just a parade of childish cartoons, which I loved, because I remembered that a couple of the kids back at Rainbow were wearing some of these characters on their clothes and I didn’t know who they were. # Auntie went off to the kitchen to get some snacks and I settled on my tummy in front of the screen to enjoy what was happening. My bulky front making me wriggle to get comfortable, I could only imagine what I looked like from behind but, I knew auntie (and I) would both approve. She was away about ten minutes but when she returned gone were the cookies and Sippy cup I’d expected, instead was warm milk in a baby’s bottle. Auntie settled on the sofa and then patted the space by her side inviting me to join. I crawled into the crook and she immediately hugged me then turned so that I was on my back but facing her. She hadn’t said anything, just smiled and waited for me to decide if this was something I wanted. I wasn’t sure but I knew it was something else auntie had decided I needed so happily complied. The rubber teat slipped between my lips with ease. Once she was sure I was comfy she tipped the bottle up and let me feed, sucking it down in a rhythm I didn’t know I had (perhaps it’s a natural bodily response to a nipple that never really leaves you). The drink was warm banana and vanilla flavoured milk and wonderful to taste as it slipped gratifyingly down my throat. As she held me close I could feel the warmth of her body radiating the love I so craved. I snuggled deeper into that embrace and as I sucked I felt both small and soothed. There was nothing about this process that I didn’t find enjoyable, especially as she patted and rubbed my padding in time to the rhythm of my nursing. The cartoon on the television was still going but auntie had reduced the sound and hummed a little tune as I finished the milk. I was so relaxed I was almost asleep but auntie still held and gently rocked me as I dozed. Her fingers were softly making patterns on my tummy and occasionally she’d pat out a tempo on my vinyl protection. # I’d dozed so much and come round again that I had no idea of the time as she led me up to my room. This time she drew back the cover on the new bed and invited me to climb in. I really wanted to get into the other, I liked the feeling of security and childishness that the rails offered but, I couldn’t deny it, the new bed, with my choice of covers (colourful cartoon animals) was equally welcoming. I was reluctant of this change at first but climbed in anyway and was immediately engulfed in the new, clean and fresh linen. My bare legs felt the novelty of new sheets and a shiver of cool pleasure ran through my body. She pulled the covers up to my chin and kissed me goodnight. I wondered where my teddy was but auntie just laid the pale blue fleecy blanket I’d chosen in the shop next to my head. Its soft fluffiness tickled my cheek so pulled it in and hugged the fuzzy material close. I can’t explain how wonderful and calming it felt but my mind was suddenly empty of all those earlier awful and worrying thoughts. Now, as I slipped into dreamland, I had never been more snug, cosy or secure. # My tummy was full, my brain was empty and I was in the most wonderful place when auntie turned off the light and wished me “sweet dreams”. I snuggled up to my security blanket and for some reason my thumb found its way between my lips. I suppose the baby’s bottle earlier had got me thinking of sucking on something but I wasn’t even thinking of a reason as I happily suckled my own digit. I woke up late in the night and could barely make out anything in the room. There was hardly any light coming in through the window and auntie had not fitted a nightlight, which I thought I might mention at some point. There were only vague shadows being cast and I could make out the bulky contours of the closet. Strangely, there was one part of the room that did catch what little light there was and I could see the outline of my plastic pants hung on the rail above the changing table. Oddly enough I must have found this reassuring because I soon closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep. However, this time my dream was very different. # Neither auntie or uncle, or mom or dad, made an appearance; instead I was in the woods where I was playing with a green beaver (like the one on my covers). We’d been chasing each other, along with a red deer and purple bird, all over the place; in and out of the dappled leafy glades, through the bracken, over grassy hills and back to the ultra-blue meandering river. However, one of the little streams that flowed into the river was blocked by logs. The beaver said he hadn’t done it but was admiring the natural dam that had clogged its course. Unfortunately, further downstream, the water flow had stopped and large orange fish were distressingly flapping around in the tiny puddles that were left. We knew we had to do something to save them so we all pulled and pushed at the woody obstruction. The beaver was gnawing as quickly as he could, the bird was fluttering around hoping to dislodge any twigs with the beat of its wings, whilst I was straining as I took hold of a large log that seemed stuck and to be causing most of the trouble. I was sweating from the effort. I pulled and pushed, gripped and tugged, twisted and turned and eventually, with a huge, straining heave, I could feel the entire structure begin to give way. Soon the water began to trickle through the gap we’d made, which was rapidly followed by the entire dam disintegrating, releasing the water, the woody obstruction being forced apart and swiftly turning the empty stream into a raging torrent. I suddenly woke up pleased with the success of the mission. The morning sun was already beating at the blinds trying to get in and I was lying in… in… Oh God… what had I done? # The feeling of accomplishment was fleeting as I realised just what had happened. I was in shock. I could smell, as well as feel, the mess that was occupying my night time protection and I didn’t know what to do. I was stunned that my body should betray me in such a way but I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn’t dare move in case I made matters worse. I didn’t dare look in case I’d made a mess all over my new pristine sheets, I was completely horror struck that I’d done something that I couldn’t remember ever having done before. I’m sure as a child it happened but it wasn’t something I recalled but at that moment, I was as helpless as a new-born baby. As I lay there wondering if I should try and waddle to the bathroom auntie bowled in with her usual morning enthusiasm. “Morning sweet…” She obviously detected something was wrong as she pulled back the blinds and opened the window. Even a wonderful sunny Kansas morning couldn’t help the situation. She returned to my bedside and looked down as I squirmed in my shame. “Has my little Poppet had a bit of an accident?” There was no anger in her voice just a question that obviously needed no response from me. She pulled back the covers to reveal my yellow onesie and my burgeoning diaper. I felt guilty, ashamed and scared of my own body. How could it do this? # Auntie was of course immediately reassuring. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll soon have my little chick,” I think she was jokingly referring to my extreme yellow outfit, “all clean and spruced up.” She helped me from my bed. I tentatively moved, desperate not to dislodge anything that was trapped in my diaper, and was relieved to see my plastic protection hadn’t leaked. Auntie guided me over to the new, reinforced and larger padded plastic changing area and had me lay out. I kept saying how sorry I was but she just smiled and got on with the clean-up. She cautiously released the onesie and the vinyl pants snaps, which revealed the fabric diaper looking like it had been through several muddy puddles. It was discoloured and I closed my eyes trying not to think of the horror I supposed was waiting for auntie once she unpinned the soggy thing. “OK Poppet everything is alright. Don’t worry, auntie will see to it.” Her reassurance was constant but the guilt hung heavily, like my diaper. “It’s natural sweetheart. Don’t be upset, even good boys have accidents so don’t let it worry you. I’ll soon have you looking as cute as always.” # The stench was overpowering to me but auntie just rolled up the offending article and put it straight into the waiting pail. Thankfully, the change station was well-equipped for such emergencies and a huge carton of wet wipes suddenly became the centre of my world as she slowly swabbed the mess from my nether region. The damp, menthol-smelling wipes were cool to my skin so came as a bit of a shock as she applied the first one. She could see I was on the verge of tears so her encouragement was most welcome. I’d always assumed that I wouldn’t ever fill my diaper in such a way, that I would be able to control that particular side of my bodily function, but now? The fact it was of no concern to auntie and that, judging by her words and tone, it was just something little boys do, made me less anxious. However, I didn’t really want to watch so closed my eyes and let her get on with what she had to do. She was of course incredibly thorough, bringing in a bowl of warm water and cloth to re-mop the entire area. With all the products and supplies she needed now at a more accessible height; I was daubed in more protecting cream and covered in powder. She then grabbed a couple of disposables and taped me in before finding a large pair of opaque plastic pants to drag over it all. She went to the closet and pulled out a pink and blue onesie that had an aeroplane on the front, which snapped neatly between my legs holding the bulky structure tightly together. Then she shuffled up a pair of very loose, elasticated denim style shorts to finish. It wasn’t as smart as yesterday’s outfit but looked more playful and I suppose, juvenile but I still felt happy wearing it. Despite the horror that had been in my diaper, it had only taken auntie a few minutes to clean me up, get me dressed and ready for my day at Rainbow. I inspected my new outfit in the mirror and thought how much more I looked the part and hoped I’d fit in better now I appeared more infantile. # By 7.30am I was already crawling around with Simon and Kate, two four year-olds, who wanted me to join them, because of the plane on my chest, to make an airport. There were a number of different sized toy planes, some you just pushed but others that made a noise and worked with a clockwork engine. We had a long runway that we swept the planes up and down, taking off and landing and asking permission from the Lego control tower when we could take our turn. It was great fun but, as more kids arrived, our noisy, busy runway got shorter and shorter so in the end we abandoned that and went to play with some toy cars in the corner where a garage was set. The day followed the same pattern as the day before but was completely different. I made other friends and we played different games together. We coloured in, we built, we ran around, we listened to stories, we got checked, we got changed and we napped. We laughed, we cried (well I didn’t but some did) we hugged and we pretended, we pretended we were grown up, which was… fun. At one point I was growling like a lion and chasing around after a group of other kids pretending to be very savage and attempting to eat them for my dinner. The kids were screaming in delight as I was on all-fours chasing and roaring my complete fiercest when almost five year-old Deborah came up to me, spanked me hard on my padded bottom and said very loudly. “Naughty kitty, you’re scaring Julie.” I was so surprised by this intervention that I sat back on my haunches and felt thoroughly chastised by this girl. Julie was indeed looking a bit scared but all the others were laughing and liked me chasing them around but Deborah was having none of it. “Stop scaring people.” She wagged her finger and though I wasn’t going to cry, she seemed so grown up in her attitude that I did feel ashamed and thought if I didn’t stop she was going to spank me again as punishment. That authority came from the fact that she didn’t wear a diaper. She was confident and potty trained, and we ‘little babies,’ still wearing our thick protection, felt she must know best. In fact she was very proud of the fact she was toilet trained. Like all the kids at Rainbow, because of the heat, we wore as little as possible. Her pretty little flowery dress was short, so every time she spun or bent over or just played in general, everyone could see the lack of a diaper and her silky matching little panties. She wasn’t a bully, in fact she seemed to see it as her job to look out for the younger, easily scared or upset members of the group and make it right for them. She was helpful and considerate and the staff liked her because of her empathy with other kids. As I reeled back under her wagging finger I could feel my body try and retreat into itself and without any help from me, I wet myself. The other kids I’d been chasing obviously thought the same of Deborah as I did because they immediately settled down under her stern words and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to let go a fearful pee. My diaper wasn’t checked again so I had a heavy load to carry with me all the way home. # To be continued… Part Six I hadn’t asked to be changed. Although it hung heavy I was getting used to having a full diaper and it didn’t bother me. It was fascinating to see just how much a disposable could absorb and even more fascinating to feel the weight as you carried it around whilst just getting on with whatever you were doing. I knew eventually someone would make the decision and I’d be put into something clean and dry but until then, I’d just have to put up with it, like all the other kids had to do. However, auntie being auntie, she seemed to enjoy our short walk home with me waddling along with a slightly enhanced wobble. Not that I was quicker, that was the last thing I was, but, with my legs held further apart, my toddler shuffle was far more pronounced. # Once back at the house we went upstairs to the nursery but I could smell the fresh paint and noticed that the WET PAINT sign from the other room had been removed. We peeked inside. “Goshhh.” It was the only comment I could come up with. The boys had done a fantastic job. The furniture had been painted dark blue; the walls were in grey and pale blue. A new bed had been erected and had a wonderful blue and black set of linen (that looked both grown up and sophisticated), indeed, everything about the room felt and looked tasteful. There was a huge mirror on one wall and large framed film posters hanging on the others. A desk had my computer set out and all the boxes and crates had been removed and my clothes hung up or set out in draws. I’m not sure if this was all the work of Gordon and Colin, but it looked fantastic and ready for a bright young man to occupy. I couldn’t help it. A rush of pee gushed into my already sodden nappy as I looked at auntie and she was smiling at my reaction. “This is for the times when you don’t want to be my ‘little boy’ but you do want to be my ‘sweet young man’.” She hugged me as we inspected the work the boys had done and again I had a couple of emotions at the same time. I couldn’t believe the lengths auntie was going to make sure I was happy… and I was incredibly grateful. Also, how emotionally connected I was to such care and attention that it made me excitedly wet myself. I didn’t know I had any more pee left but the warming in my nappy was only eclipsed by the way I felt about auntie. # Once we’d both completed our inspection and praised all that the boys had done we joyfully returned to the nursery, where I was stripped, cleaned and soon settled in a fresh disposable. My opaque plastic pants were once again pulled up to keep everything in place and I was left like that to play until the meal was ready. I decided to watch more cartoons. The ones auntie had started showing me the evening before had grabbed my attention simply because, being in England for so long, I had no idea what kids watched here in Kansas. I sat on the floor, my padded bottom wriggling against the carpet as I watched with interest each short animation. They were unbelievably silly and I found myself in fits watching and enjoying the various characters’ antics. I could easily see why they had made the transition from screen to clothing and why kids identified with them… they were just so much FUN. # Meals were earlier now so when it was ready I was called through and we ate at the table. My place was set with a plastic spoon and a Disney Sippy cup filled with juice. Auntie put a plastic bib around my neck (it had toy cartoon cars with faces on them) I wasn’t expecting this change but twisted in my chair and smiled when I made that noise as my plastic pants rubbed against the slippery seat. She looked at me with a touch of disdain but was smiling so I knew I hadn’t gone too far. The food was cut up into bite-sized pieces and I think it was an encouragement to use my fingers rather than the colourful Disney spoon I’d been given. I began by using the colourful spoon. However, after just a couple of spoonsful I thought it would be fun to feed myself as a kid did. At Rainbow we already ate most stuff with our fingers, especially those under four. There, it was funny watching some of the other kids holding a spoon, as if they were grown up, but with their other hand grab the food and shove it in their mouths. Of course, I did the same and I suppose auntie had seen this and was giving me the opportunity to do what she thought I wanted. I alternated between the two and it was just as well I had the bib in place because I’d made such a mess. We talked and I told her about Deborah and my ‘escaped lion’ game, she was amused when I told her that the spank on the bottom had startled me and I peed myself. I confided that, because she was a big girl, we all did as she said and auntie agreed that we all should take notice of someone like Debbie, because she was a good girl who looked out for everyone. # After our meal, and having my face wiped with a damp cloth, we returned to the living room and auntie and I sat looking at another one of her photograph albums. I really did like these moments because I could snuggle in real close, the rustle of the plastic also being very comforting and she would put her arm around so I’d feel all warm and cosy. I’d quickly got into not feeling in the least bit worried about wondering around the house wearing only my protection. It stayed warm all day and most of the evening, and unless auntie put the air conditioner on, I was happy to dress that way. So, I huddled up close as she turned the pages telling me what memory each image conjured up. There was one of two young boys with their parents I didn’t recognise. “Ah, that’s Gordon and Colin with their parents.” She sighed but obviously the photograph meant a great deal to her. “They were seven and eight then and it was taken about three weeks before their mother ran off.” The two boys looked happy. They were both wearing suits; smart jackets and matching shorts, and looked like they were on their way, or had just come from, church. “They’d been to a wedding, really the last function the family ever attended…” Her voice drifted off as the emotion of the day transferred itself to her. I softly asked if they had all been friends. “No, no, I never knew Sarah, their mother, and only knew Tom, their father, after the boys had broken into Bill’s…” She hugged me and turned the page, partly lost in her own thoughts, but I asked her for more information so she flipped it back. # “I told you that the boys were becoming a bit uncontrollable when your Uncle Bill became aware of them.” I nodded and burrowed in for more facts, the accompanying crinkle made me squirm with pleasure. “When their father was on one of his drunken episodes, it sometimes wasn’t safe for the boys to be around him. He never got over his wife leaving and the boys were a constant reminder of her, which would occasionally send him into a deep angry depression. Tom blamed Colin, who is just a bit slow and a bedwetter, as the reason she left. Although, whether this was true or not, Tom used it as an excuse to beat his boys.” I was sad with this story but hoped she’d continue as I was fascinated to find out more about Colin. “A few times they arrived on our doorstep and Colin would be bruised and Gordon wouldn’t be much better so we’d take them in for the night hoping that, come the morning, their father would have sobered up and have sorted himself out… and often he had.” “Why do you have the photograph?” I innocently asked. “Well, it was the one thing that the boys remembered of the last time they were a family… and happy. They thought their dad might destroy it and it was their favourite image so, they simply brought it to us for safe keeping.” She shrugged. “It’s been in our album ever since.” # “I like the suits they are wearing.” I commented as I ran my finger over the print, “They look really smart.” “Yes, they do don’t they?” She happily reflected. “I think their mother was quite proud of her boys but something, and even Gordon and Colin didn’t know what, drove their parents apart.” She was lost in thought. “I think it was much more than Tom’s drinking but… I shouldn’t speculate, time’s past…” I could feel auntie getting a bit weepy so thought I’d change the subject a bit. “That’s sad.” I cuddled in closer. “I wonder what I’d look like in a suit like that?” Auntie moved to one side so she could get a better look at me. “Are you saying you’d like a nice short suit like that for yourself?” I cast my eyes down because I did, I thought the boys looked very boyish and handsome but was afraid to ask. In the short time I’d been in Kansas the weather had been very hot and it seemed a good idea, if you were going to wear a suit, that shorts were an obvious addition for a young boy. I loved having the warm breeze tickling my bare legs so that was also an attractive plus point for wearing shorts and since I’d arrived, I hadn’t worn jeans or trousers or even thought about wearing such items. Shorts, and my diapers, were to me at least, the ideal dress code. Something else crossed my mind. If auntie thought they looked well-groomed, she might like it if I looked stylish as well. I wriggled in my nappy as mental images of me in such clothes filled my head and how I’d feel proud of being with auntie if we went somewhere special dressed in such a smart, though boyish, outfit. However, auntie had done so much for me and couldn’t be expected to buy a suit like that, which may have been all the rage some years ago, just on a whim from me… but the boys did look nice and I wanted to look nice for auntie as well. Auntie smiled. “Perhaps that’s what my little boy needs, something to make him feel… distinctive… and well-turned-out. Maybe we might be able to stretch the budget a little.” She hugged me tightly and continued with further info about when the boys stayed over. # I found out that Colin had been a bedwetter all his life. Maybe he was just a bit slow to be potty-trained but auntie said that once you got to know him, he may not have been the brightest lad in the area but he was most certainly the nicest. Gordon was his brother and protector and they were very close through the good and bad times… and still were today. She shared the fact that the first time they stayed over, a ten year-old Colin was so scared of wetting the bed the two boys had to share, he tried to stay awake and avoid the problem. Unfortunately, when Bill and auntie looked in on them before they went to bed, the boys were both fast asleep but it was obvious one, if not both, had wet themselves. Auntie had woken them up and both boys were alarmed and afraid of the repercussions. Auntie and Uncle Bill soothed their worried expressions, repeatedly telling them not to worry, that it didn’t matter and ‘accidents’ happen. # The boys were cleaned up in the bathroom by auntie where I’m not sure if they had experienced a loving touch since their mother had left. Meanwhile, Bill stripped the bed, covered the mattress with a rubber sheet and put clean sheets ready for the boy’s return. However, back in the bathroom, auntie had told the boys that though it didn’t matter that they had wet, to avoid having a pile of washing all the time (and by this time it was obvious that it was just Colin who had the problem) she wanted to put him in a diaper. Because the nursery was up and running by then she had things like diapers, plastic pants and all the other stuff needed, or at least could be adapted, to be used for older boys. It was with some convincing that Gordon was able to pursued Colin to accept this proviso and that was only on condition that Gordon wore one as well - the fact that neither had been beaten because of what had happened made them more agreeable to auntie’s and uncle’s suggestion. Reluctantly, and because it was getting late, and to avoid the thought of having to return to their drunken father, they let auntie put them in thick diapers and plastic pants. Come the morning the bed was dry, though Colin had soaked his diaper, but appeared happy and grateful that he hadn’t wet the bed… or his brother. After that, whenever they stayed over, Colin at least wore a diaper to bed. Sometimes, if his younger brother appeared reluctant, Gordon would also be diapered but all-in-all, the boys settled into that routine if they stayed overnight… and seemed none the worse for it as a result. # I was fascinated by this story and wanted to know more. “Do they still wear diapers?” Auntie smiled a mischievous smile. “Who’s a nosey parker then?” I looked suitably rebuffed but I still wanted to know. “The boys are much older now and we,” she looked down at me with a shake of her head, “don’t have that type of relationship anymore. The boys have a home of their own and I have no idea, er, what arrangements are made now.” I thought she actually knew more than she was telling me but I realised that Colin’s secret/problem was his own business and I had no right to cross-examine auntie for my own prurient desire. I had to admit that I liked the thought of a man Colin’s age still happily wearing, and using, diapers. “Is that why you’re happy for me to wear these…” I rubbed the front of my bloated plastic pants. “because they did?” She looked slightly surprised at my question. “No sweetheart. I thought you needed them because you seemed so lost and angry… and wet the bed. I hoped you would discover the comfort in them that I know some boys find in a diaper.” Now it was my turn to look a bit surprised. Seeing my confusion she continued. “There are many different reasons why a boy needs his diapers. He may need one because he isn’t potty trained, he may need one for medical reasons, he may need one because that’s the only thing he can cope with or, maybe, he needs it to feel happy. You may be surprised to learn that for many boys and girls, a diaper makes them happy.” # Auntie had given me loads to think about and as she tucked me in that night, all comfy and cocooned tightly in a new cream and blue onesie, I asked if she’d minded that I’d messed my diaper the night before. “Sweetheart, a diaper is for such things… so why would I be upset?” “But it’s not right or nice, it’s…” “You really must put thoughts of right or wrong out of your mind.” She interrupted and stroked my hair. “Don’t get bogged down in such thoughts as they don’t matter and more especially, they shouldn’t matter to my sweet little boy.” I felt that love radiate from her as she continued to tuck me in. She added wistfully; “Whilst he wants or needs his diaper, for as long as that may be, I’ll be there to help.” As if this was something ‘in general’ will happen and be in no rush to change things. I grabbed my fleecy blanket, pulled it into bed and gently rubbed it against my face. Almost unbidden my thumb slipped between my lips. Auntie’s eyes lit up as if she’d just remembered something. “Oh, I noticed you sucking your thumb last night when I called in.” She reached into her cardigan pocket. “Perhaps you’d prefer to suck on this?” She revealed a white and dark blue pacifier and held it near to my mouth. The shiny rubber teat suddenly appearing was a surprise but, as I’d taken the bottle and auntie had seen me sucking my thumb, it didn’t really seem much of a problem. I could see she was letting me once again decide whether it was something I wanted, and as usual, she was correct because I quickly lifted my head and let her slip it between my lips. I had no idea what kind of picture I made but I was sucking and enjoying the taste of my first dummy. # I was going to bed whatever time auntie said was bedtime. It made no difference whether it was 6pm or 10pm I went when I was led upstairs to be readied for sleep. Auntie had made it such fun to be washed and dressed for bed because I never knew what exactly I’d be wearing. Oddly enough, no matter what time I went I was always tired and in need of my bed. It’s no wonder kids sleep so much, it really is quite exhausting keeping up with their ideas and games, so when there’s a break for cookies or lunch or a nap… it’s really needed… or at least I did. # Not surprisingly my dream included Colin, except, like me he was only a toddler and we were playing together and dressed the same – in the short suits I’d seen him wearing in the photograph, although with thick protection underneath. Auntie was still auntie but we two were best friends (I think I’d magically become Gordon) and did everything together. It was great having a friend like him as it was something I’d never had before. We had secrets together, we knew what the other was thinking, and we built fantastic fortresses whilst having a brilliant time coming up with games that only he and I knew how to play. It was one of the best dreams I’d ever had. Auntie was there checking our huge diapers and eventually finding we were both soaked. We laughed because we were unaware, in all our excitement and games, that we’d peed our pants. At that moment I woke up giggling with Colin about our situation only to find auntie really checking my early morning diaper and saying it was time to get up to be changed. As I moved from my dream world into reality I realised I hadn’t only wet, I’d messed as well. Up until that moment, everything, all my feelings and emotions, made me believe it was so real but the dream had let me down because I hadn’t messed in that… well at least I couldn’t remember doing so. There was something else, I’d woken up with my pee-pee (that’s what auntie called it and I wasn’t going against what she said) stiff in my diaper and the last thing I remember was that Colin and I were holding hands enjoying spinning each other around. As auntie set to work cleaning me up I lay there wondering why, for the second night running, I’d filled my diaper in such a way. I was also thinking what it would be like to have a friend like Colin. I wasn’t certain if I should mention my dream to her because I couldn’t be sure how she’d take that I was obsessing about one of her boys, in the end I decided to keep quiet about it. # For the next few weeks everything was going well. Well, for me at least as I continued to attend Rainbow. I never tired of the constant new play and ideas that toddlers could come up with and the sheer joy of running about aimlessly. Tag, hide ‘n’ seek, capuddle (I think this one was made up by Molly?), dress-up, singing, I learned a lot as the kids learned as they grew. I’d come to love my time with all the toddlers and it never bothered me that I wasn’t making friends my own age. When not at Rainbow I kept myself to myself spending all my time at home or with auntie. If we went anywhere I still wore my diaper and protection except I might wear a t-shirt without a cartoon pig or such things on it. My shorts covered my protection and it didn’t bother me that I crinkled as I walked I wanted to keep the feeling of being a dependent little boy for as long as I could. One Friday afternoon, just after auntie and I had returned from Rainbow and were getting ready for the weekend, a crate arrived addressed to me. It had been sent via the American Embassy in the UK and it was my clothes from the school there. They had hung onto it wondering, and expecting, my return to their privileged educational establishment. Once they were definite that wasn’t going to happen, they parcelled up all my belongings and sent them to the embassy not knowing exactly where I had gone or what had happened to me. The embassy in turn had eventually tracked auntie’s address and… here it all was. I think auntie was surprised at the over-elaborate school uniform I’d been expected to wear. It was all very dressy and not very comfortable but, in that particular school, it was expected – ‘Tradition’ had been the watchword, even if it meant absolutely nothing to the students. Most of us couldn’t wait until lessons were over and we could return to the dorm and put on something a little more appropriate to our age. So, there was also the rest of my ‘civvies’ (it’s what all the boys called anything that wasn’t that damned uniform), jeans, joggers, t-shirts, shirts, trousers, shoes - in fact all the things that made staying in that god awful place, tolerable. # There were report cards, a few certificates I’d received, mostly for my success in swimming and running and a small trophy I’d accidently won on a fun quiz night we’d had in house. There was also my sportswear – running shorts, vest, trainers and a pair of shiny (house blue) boxing shorts that I’d worn for the two bouts I had whilst at school. I’m not proud of the fact that after two bouts they banned me from the ring. The coach couldn’t channel my anger so once I got into the ring all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of my opponent. As I simply refused to do what the coach said, and after I’d followed through once too many times, the ban was imposed and that’s when I took to running, especially cross-country running, something the school was quite proud of. I liked being alone and though I didn’t take to training, I did win most of my races, much to the annoyance of the teacher responsible for developing our talents. Auntie seemed both proud and aghast when I told her about my ‘achievements’, none of which I really wanted to acknowledge but auntie was auntie and she should know about me… I didn’t want any secrets. # Meanwhile, I’d just been put into a dry disposable and a pair of fun, nursery print plastic pants when the doorbell rang. It was a couple of people from the education department and they needed to speak to auntie. She had argued the case that I was still very traumatised by what had happened to my parents and had retreated, for the time being at least, into a protective shell that excluded other people. She claimed that it was with a great deal of patience and persuasion I’d been cajoled into even agreeing to at least mix with the toddlers at her nursery, which she claimed as some sort of victory on my part. The examiners from the department were not completely convinced and said they would need a psychiatric report and not just her word. I was still upstairs at this point, all this took place in the kitchen and without my involvement but eventually they wanted to meet me. She said before I was led in to meet these concerned people to put some shorts over my diaper but to keep my childish cartoon shirt and act like I did at the nursery. I acted very nervous around these people and held auntie’s hand throughout the rather stilted conversation. I even wet my diaper but as they couldn’t know that, it was more for my benefit than theirs. However, after much discussion, and with the summer recess rapidly approaching, it was eventually agreed, after a planned visit to see the school board’s child psychiatrist, that I’d provisionally start 9th Grade in the new school year. My warming wet diaper was no salve to the knowledge that before too long I’d have to grow up and mix with my peers. I was one very unhappy little boy. The tears the visitors saw were real as I released even more pee into my rapidly filling nappy. # To be continued… Part 7 The prospect of losing my status as auntie’s little boy was more than I could bear. She consoled me as I wept long after our visitors had departed. Her reassuring words lost as all I could hear were my own heartfelt sobs. Although my return to a lively teenager wasn’t planned to happen for a couple of months I’d really got into being a little boy with no thoughts other than to play and please auntie. Of course auntie had been as good as her word and had bought me a suit like the ones Gordon and Colin had worn in their photograph. I know it may sound strange but the fact that I was dressed like Colin when he was eight (even though I’m a lot taller than he was) and wearing a nappy underneath those shorts, pleased me no end. I looked so dapper and I have to say, absolutely no other kids, anywhere we went, were wearing anything even resembling what I was dressed in. I got many looks, some nods of approval from older citizens and some anything but, however, I may have looked like I should be in elementary school but inside I still felt like a toddler desperately playing at looking grown up (and of course to a toddler anyone over eight looks grown up). Meanwhile, the elastic on my plastic pants, just an inch from the hem of my short shorts (which no doubt could be noticed by anyone who showed an interest), gripped the top of my leg tightly, holding my disposable in place and keeping my desired juvenile experience going. Auntie was all praise. She thought I’d chosen the outfit well and that I looked the handsomest, most stylish boy around and that made me glow with pride when we went anywhere. However, with the scheduled return of my teenage years, together with the thought of losing that special bond which both of us enjoyed, left me feeling very distressed indeed. # Since I’d taken to wearing protection all the time auntie had developed a routine that I found wonderful. It was the same for when I got up or went to bed. Clean up - the applying of various ointments and powders to protect my skin thus prevent any irritation, rashes or reappearance of my pubic hair. Fresh diaper - sometimes a disposable, sometime fabric that was left to auntie to decide, I happily went along with whatever she thought most appropriate. Then it was a pair of plastic pants either pulled up or snapped into position. Again auntie made the choice about thickness, colour, pattern, size - often she just liked the clear pull-up style so she could see the diaper underneath. This was my favourite moment, standing in front of the mirror, or even just laying out, wearing my newly fitted diaper and clear plastic pants. It was a joy to see the fluffy white material contained under the slippery, glossy vinyl and, to me at least (and I’m sure to auntie as well), this was the basis for me becoming her ‘special little boy’. It was like the first block on the Lego board and the start of whatever else was made… and what was being made… was me. Once that was done then, depending on whether I was going out or going to sleep, she chose what, if anything was to go over it all. She loved choosing my outfits and although I liked that I didn’t have to make a decision I also felt I was giving her something back as a result. # I picked up from the way auntie sometimes spoke, reminisced or simply cared for me that this action, this dressing me as a child, meant something to her as well. I hoped that it brought back happy memories of when she and Bill were together; perhaps looking after Gordon and Colin as they began to grow, though needing that stabilising influence which they offered. They had no kids of their own but auntie had spent a great deal of her life devoted to looking after and nurturing the young of the town. I’m sure she saw me as another soul in need of such cherishing and I was certainly appreciative of all that she did for me. Some might have felt smothered by such attention but to me, it was something I’d missed all my life and simply couldn’t get enough of her love. # Sometimes, if auntie was working in the den on reports or assessments for Rainbow I’d check out the photo albums again and again. I loved that one picture of Gordon and Colin with their parents and often thought about where the photo might have been taken as it didn’t look like anywhere local. I’d fantasize about an eight year-old Colin wriggling in his diaper and plastic pants under those smart shorts and think… that’s what I do. The smiles on the boy’s faces were genuine and even at that young age they did look incredibly handsome. Although I couldn’t see, because the photo was cropped at the knee, I imagined they wore leather sandals and little white ankle socks to complete the outfit. That one image from when they were so happy fed into my brain and I mentally produced a thousand and one scenarios that included me wearing my suit and joining them in some adventure or other. There were a few other snaps of the boys but they were when they were that bit older and had fallen under the spell of Uncle Bill and Auntie Joan. There were shots of them working alongside Bill, looking at the camera and pleased at some completed project. The two boys in their ‘uniform’ of khaki shorts and t-shirts also showed how they had filled out and developed in the time since that early ‘wedding’ photograph. However, every time I saw Colin in one of the poses I’d let my mind wander and think about perhaps him wearing the same protection as me. There were no shots even hinting that he had a diaper on, but that still didn’t stop my imagination from working overtime and supplying him, like me, with a whole array of thick protection. # I’d see the boys occasionally. They had the maintenance contract at Rainbow so kept the lawns mowed and the garden trimmed. They also repaired anything that needed doing and removed the large oddly shaped graffiti penis that had been spray-painted on one of the exterior walls. I only caught sight of them for a few moments but was transfixed at how they worked so easily together. Gordon in his paint speckled brown overalls and Colin in his similarly paint streaked brown shorts and t-shirt. To me they looked a powerful couple and wondered what it would be like to join their small firm. I wished auntie would invite them to the house for dinner or something but, they were a busy little company (remember: no job too small) so their services were always in demand. The other probability of course was that I was often in bed and fast asleep by the time they finished their day’s work. If they happened to notice auntie and I when we were out and about, they always tooted their horn and waved. This simple action had an unexpected effect and my bladder would give way with some kind of excited surge and I’d spend the rest of the day, until auntie noticed, wandering around in a GorCol Services inspired soaked diaper. # Since I’d been in auntie’s care I’d never once thought our relationship was odd. In fact, quite the opposite, I’d never known a more loving, understanding, empathetic person whose soul aim was to give other people all the encouragement they might need. In my case she’d provided me with the options of what I wanted and what was needed. I had the one life I was happily living; yet, on the horizon was the life I’d soon have to return to. Auntie was prepared. She’d said it might happen and wanted the trauma of such an event to impact as little as possible. So, to ease me back into teenagedom, sometimes, when we went to a restaurant or shopping, I was encouraged to dress in my ‘normal’ clothes. Of course, ‘normal’ for me now meant my diaper and such stuff not the teen apparel hung up in the ‘other room’. Together we went through all my clothes and sorted what still fit and useful, what was awful and decided I’d need a few more things for when I went back to school. I had no desire to be trendy but auntie thought I should look like I fit in so that’s how I ended up with an almost entirely new ‘teenage’ wardrobe. In the changing rooms trying on various items seemed strange attempting to drag a pair of chinos over my thick diaper. Still, when I went to school perhaps I wouldn’t be wearing protection? A problem auntie encountered was my reluctance to wear trousers or jeans because I was more than content in my shorts. I still had my diaper under whatever I wore because I didn’t feel confident about not peeing myself. I’d gotten out of that particular discipline and realised it was something, when I resumed senior school I was going to have to be more aware of. However, since being put in diapers after that first time I wet myself at the mall I’d never wanted to wear my boxers or briefs. I saw they were neatly folded away in one of the draws in the ‘other room’ but I’d had no desire to swap them for my diaper. There is just something so comforting about a diaper - the way it hugs you all the time. If I’m crouching or sitting and I get up, I like the way you can feel the weight readjust its position - underpants don’t do that. If I’m watching TV I like the way I can stroke the plastic mound knowing that I’m protected and safe. I love the feel of a fresh diaper as it’s taped tightly into place and love when I pee and that warm, clammy flush fills the front and acts like a huge, spontaneous indirect smile… a smile that then stays with you until it’s time for a change and the entire happy process starts all over again. # I had another problem and that was, I wasn’t a very sociable person. Back at school in the UK I had tried to avoid mixing and went out of my way not to have ‘best friends’. I don’t know precisely what my thought process in those days was but my general dislike of authority, the people, the situation and the UK, in truth, I just hated everything about everything. However, one thing about the stuffy uniform was that every boy was dressed the same. There were no fashion shows going on there and education was what the school was all about, even if you did look like a reject from the nineteenth century. Because I was just so resentful of the position I was in it never occurred to me that friends might help me through it all. Over the many years I’d been away from my parents some kids had sought a friendship but I’d been unapproachable and a loner. When I got to England, I despised and was bitter about my life – I hated the inevitability that I’d end up in this grotesque ancient institution even though I’d had to sit an exam to enter its hallowed halls. Yes, another quandary. I was so mixed up I wanted to do my best at all times, because I thought that was for me, I didn’t want to be reliant on anyone else. If my parents felt they could do without me, then I would show them I didn’t need them. I may have been the least friendly person at school but I was diligent in my work. # Oh, the contradictory thoughts and feelings which go through your mind when you hit puberty. Still, I had to mix at some level but kept myself as detached as possible from my ‘house’ mates. It wasn’t always possible and that was how I came to be the recipient of a small trophy for my contribution to a ‘house’ quiz night. For some reason it was like in Slumdog Millionaire, I just knew all the answers. I didn’t know why but I did and my knowledge meant we won by a considerable margin. For two minutes I glowed in the praise of others and then returned to my uncommunicative self. There is no doubt about it – I was a mess. # The chance auntie offered to start again had been some kind of salve because, although I was only mixing with toddlers, at least I was mixing. I no longer hated everyone. My parents were gone so there was no point in hating them and, I know this sounds terrible, but I had rarely thought about mom and dad since I’d arrived in Kansas. I no longer only thought of myself now I had auntie and the rest of Rainbow to think about. The kids at Rainbow had, despite my obvious size difference, accepted me completely and I was grateful to them for that. They were a great crowd who just wanted me to play and have as much fun as they did. I discovered early on that when I stopped fighting my jumbled ‘big boy’ thoughts and gave myself over completely to enjoying my life, even if that was as a diaper-clad toddler, I could… and did. # As the time approached for my return to senior education at the town’s High School I got to think that maybe I could reinvent myself. No one knew me here; I’d be just a new boy from Out-of-State who for some reason had to relocate. I could be who I wanted and do what I wanted. I could… At times I’d get carried away with my thoughts but then look down and see my fluffy white diaper under the see-thru plastic pants and know I didn’t really want to change from where I was, or who I was, at all. I loved being aunties ‘good little boy’ and didn’t want to change. However, the impending visit to the education department’s child psychiatrist had me worried. # Auntie tried to prepare me. I’d immersed myself so deeply in being a toddler that the thought of ‘growing up’ made me anxious. However, as I say, auntie was there to help and guide and reaffirm my status. It was unfortunate that my appointment with the psychiatrist was on the same day that I turned fourteen. It was a date I couldn’t change, the psychiatrist was always well booked up so you took the appointment when they said and it wasn’t open to discussion. Birthday or no birthday I was going to be assessed for High School. The education department was being pretty tough on auntie and I saw the welter of papers she had to fill out for school on my behalf. However, the one thing she did say about attending High School was that they didn’t have a uniform, students could, within reason, wear what they liked. After the formal regalia I’d had to wear at my last school I was quite pleased about that but wondered if I’d be allowed to wear my preferred shorts and t-shirt. Auntie suggested that, when the time came, I should check out what the other students wore and then make a decision. She encouraged me to think positive about it but I still couldn’t get over that I’d be away from my friends at Rainbow and the thought of mixing with ‘big kids’ actually scared me. # As I couldn’t be there to celebrate, a few days before my birthday auntie and I made cookies for all the folk at Rainbow. I spent a wonderful evening in the kitchen covering them in colourful frosting. I got a bit messy, which I really enjoyed, standing there next to auntie as she supervised and read off the names of all the boys and girls and staff as I carefully (well not that carefully) piped each name across some weirdly shaped cookie. I was dressed only in my diaper, nursery print plastic pants and a matching bib, which was just as well as I think I tasted more cookies than I should (they were delicious) and frosting ended up all over me and in to some weird places. On the morning of my birthday I was surprised to see I had more than just a card from auntie. The staff at Rainbow had sent one and a huge, handmade one ‘signed’ by all my friends took pride of place. Auntie had bought me enough since I’d been with her and the only thing I’d hinted I might like was a huge castle I’d seen advertised on TV (aimed at children 5 and over), which had loads of dragons, knights and monsters you could add. Since I’d seen the advert, me and a couple of the boys at Rainbow who had also seen it, had been building our own imaginary castle out of boxes and foam squares. I may have been the biggest boy there but I was just like the others in my excitement of the TV programme that the castle was licensed to. The day following each TV show, we’d all re-enact what had happened, adding our own interpretation and screaming with delight as Mikey, who was the dragon, pretended to swoop down breathing imaginary fire. It was wonderful. I got what I wanted for my birthday. # I wanted to wear shorts and t-shirt to go and see the psychiatrist but, as I’d been practicing being a teenager again, it was thought jeans and a polo shirt might be more appropriate. However, as I‘d not had a dry day since I put on my first diaper, auntie made sure I still had my protection on under my jeans. Crammed against the tight denim they didn’t crinkle quite so much but I felt slightly more confident knowing I was wearing them. The psychiatrist saw auntie first and she was in his office for well over an hour. She’d told me before we went in (I was still holding her hand when we were first greeted by Doctor Gomez) to answer honestly. After being with pre-schoolers for so long I wasn’t sure I was capable of being anything but honest, kids may lie but you can tell immediately so I wasn’t going to chance it. So, whilst Auntie Joan was interviewed by the doctor, I found myself on the carpeted floor playing with some toys aimed at the under-fives. I knew the receptionist was watching but pretty soon I forgot about her and just let my imagination run wild as I played with cars and bricks to keep myself amused. I also accidentally wet myself before being called into his office. # Eventually auntie swapped places with me in the reception area and I went in alone to see the doctor. It was strange because I was very nervous and yet, when I sat the exam and had the interview for school in the UK, I wasn’t in the least bit bothered, perhaps that was due to the fact I didn’t care. However, now I was confronted by the doctor and with an absolutely soaked diaper hanging between my legs, I was very tense. I wished I still had auntie’s hand to hold but Doctor Gomez tried in his way to put me at ease. The doctor was a man younger than auntie but certainly didn’t look it. His receding hairline made his face appear long and horse-like, with thin lips that when he smiled seemed more of an evil smirk than amusement. His suit had seen better days but the office itself was bright and tidy with one wall covered by framed diplomas and photographs. I’d expected to see a black leather couch but instead I was offered a seat on a pale beige three seater sofa, which matched the pale beige swivel chair where he sat. There was a desk behind him, with an expensive looking leather chair, a phone and a small recording devise. He appeared pleasant enough but I was too nervous to speak and all I could think about was my wet diaper squashed under my denim jeans. It all seemed so tight and I wanted the looseness of my shorts back as soon as possible. # He had a pile of notes in front of him so I gathered he already knew most of my history. I didn’t realise he’d also have a copy of a final report that the UK school had compiled on my academic worth but he had because I could see the school emblem on the front of it. He asked me about my parent’s death, how it had affected me. He burrowed into my younger life living away from home and how I felt about that. School in the UK and the discipline it offered (I’m not sure what he imagined went on there but corporal punishment just didn’t happen). For over an hour he cross-examined me (or that was what it felt like) about everything since I’d arrived in Kansas but I had a problem, I was getting angry, and I knew I shouldn’t. It seemed to me he wanted to hear negative things about auntie, to somehow blame her for my retreat back to childhood. For the first time since I’d been with auntie I had to think as an adult, I didn’t want to but knew I hated this doctor and what I saw as his snide, nasty insinuations. I hated people prying or knowing too much about me, (although that huge sheaf of papers meant he already knew a great deal) and, as if sensing my predicament, my bladder just opened up and I felt the warming sensation fill my already soaked diaper. Any thoughts of being an adult vanished in that moment and I did what I thought I had to do to get out of there. So, to emphasise my toddler status, I filled my diaper with as much poo as I could force out. I was grateful that auntie had made sure the plastic pants she’d put me in had been well tucked around my diaper to prevent any leaks. But now I could feel my full and messy diaper squished up in my jeans and wanted to make sure he knew what I’d done. # I pulled at my jeans, yanked down my plastic pants and said. “Gone poo poo.” The smell was horrendous and I saw the doctor back away as I crawled on all-fours towards him. I wrinkled my nose and grabbed his leg. “Pwease...” I didn’t get any request out before he shrugged me off and called for auntie to come and attend to me. I followed him and tried to grab his leg again but when auntie came in she looked down at me and I immediately sat back on my haunches with a sad expression and pet lip. “Auntie I done a poo…” I confessed. Auntie didn’t quite know what was going on but took her cue wonderfully. “What have you been saying to him?” Her accusation was fierce and direct. The doctor seemed stunned that he was under attack and could only stammer some kind of defence. “I’ve only recently got him to engage with other teenagers and you, you quazi-psychiatrist…” She was on top form and her anger seemed to seep into every word she uttered, “Have set him back to his…” Her rant went on for quite some time as I sucked my thumb, sat in my own poo rubbing the front of my engorged diaper looking sorry, weepy and scared. Doctor Gomez was none too happy about this turn of events and tried to escape into the reception area and hide behind his secretary. She seemed horrified as a smelly fourteen year-old followed him and crawled around her office. With jeans and plastic pants around my ankles I leaked, dripping wet stinking turds onto her lovely beige carpet. Meanwhile, not only was she not pleased but the doctor’s next patients looked on bemused and shocked in equal amounts. # Auntie saw the sign for the bathroom and dragged me in, she was pretending to look annoyed but I could see a slight smirk on her face. “What were you thinking?” She whispered as she ripped at the tapes and let my sagging diaper slosh onto the floor. “I have no idea.” I had to admit. As always she was prepared and her bag was full of wipes, lotion, powder and spare disposables. “I just didn’t like him… he was trying to cause trouble…” I whispered back. I was still wondering to myself just what great plan had formulated in my head but in truth, there was nothing. “Sorry auntie,” I really was sorry if I’d done something that might reflect badly on her, “but he really was a complete…” “Now now, no name calling.” She interrupted. “Good boys don’t say naughty words.” She picked up the messy diaper and deftly rolled it up before shoving it in a rather small and inappropriate pedal bin. “Well, I’m not sure what his report will say now but I think between us we probably haven’t done ourselves any favours.” She said and opened a bright green canister. I giggled as the first cooling wet wipe scraped across my bottom. “I don’t care.” I was angry and giggly all at the same time, those wipes really tickled. “I’m not having him blame you for my wanting a childhood back… not even back. I never had one in the first place so… who is he to deny me one?” I’m sure there was a tantrum brewing as I thought about screaming these simple facts at him. # She could see I was getting agitated and speedily sponged me clean, quickly powdered and slipped a fresh diaper into place. She noticed that because I’d crawled around on the floor with my jeans and plastic pants pulled down some of my mess had managed to stick to the rest of my clothes. My aunt was more prepared than I would have thought because when we eventually emerged from the bathroom I had a clean t-shirt, fresh protection and a pair of elasticated pale green shorts any five year-old would be proud of. She looked over at Doctor Gomez who was trying to placate his next patients. “I don’t know what you said,” she accused, “but I can’t get him to wear anything else.” She held my hand as I sucked my thumb. “I shall be making a full report to your superiors about your… methods.” She left the threat hanging in the air as we waltzed out of his office and climbed into the car. “Oh Dean, I don’t know what is going to happen now but I have to tell you I felt the same. I didn’t like that man at all.” She gently pulled my thumb out of my mouth and popped in my dummy. “However, I think it’s time to give you the birthday you really want.” She put the car into drive and set off. It was just after nap time when we arrived at Rainbow so I could happily celebrate my fourteenth (or was that my fourth?), with the people I actually liked. # To be continued… Part 8 Auntie wanted me to try sleeping in the ‘other room’ with all the grown up stuff and sensible covers. This was her idea of ‘baby steps’ (I’m sure she used those words on purpose to get me to go along with it all) to feel able to identify with being fourteen. She wanted me to try not wetting during the day (although I was allowed to wear protection to sleep in), and get used, all over again, to wear ‘big boy’ underwear and to take a tinkle in a toilet. She didn’t want the kids at my new school to be able to torment me over something that I’d mastered many years ago but at that moment found a strange thing to contemplate… a diaper took care of those ‘where and when’ peeing-pressures. However, auntie needed me to at least try and so I did. For a few weeks prior to my return to teenage education I wore my briefs during the day and didn’t attend Rainbow quite so often. She wanted me to do what other kids my age did in their summer break and wander around the mall, go to the local pool, etc. etc. Sometimes we went together; sometimes I was on my own. I didn’t panic when alone but on a couple of occasions I saw a damp patch appear on my chinos shorts (when I went out I’d wear sensible length shorts as opposed to the short short style I preferred as a toddler)before I realised I needed to get to a bathroom. Still, I was doing what auntie asked and as a result felt slightly more confident (although confident isn’t exactly the correct word here) about the fast approaching first day of term. # Even though at school in the UK I was surrounded by other boys my age and we were forced into taking part in sports and extra-curricular activities together, I somehow contrived to keep myself to myself. As I say, the teachers disapproved of my independence and as far as they were concerned team work and team spirit were at the heart of a good school and an ‘included’ set of students. This didn’t suit me. I fought in my own ‘loner-ish’ way to be myself and rejected the school’s mandatory ‘all for one’ philosophy. # Now I was fourteen, and because auntie wanted me to be a happy teenager at my new school, we chatted more and more about my time in the UK. She listened politely whist I raged about how stupid it all was (and not just the uniform). However, I found as I explained to auntie the worst excesses of my schoolboy life that I had to admit I did learn a lot. My grades were high and despite everything I was a good student. The teachers were pretty good and were never condescending. If you had a problem or didn’t understand something, they took the time to discuss and eventually sort whatever it was out. I found it difficult to admit to the school’s positives so fell back to why I disliked the place so much. I hated the crowned princes, the bastard children of Russian oligarchs, minor royals, foreign dignitary’s brattish kids, the privileged and the self-important… not once did I associate myself as being one of them. It was only when auntie gently pointed out that because of my parent’s ‘political’ influence, their importance to the country and their desire for me to have the best education money could buy, is why I was there in the first place. I have to say auntie’s grasp on my life was so much better than my own. She wasn’t saying I should be grateful, what she was saying was that the people I reviled were also there because of their family connections and influence, so at that level, we were no different. We were having this discussion on a lovely sunny Sunday afternoon out in the garden; she in a very summery, flowery dress and me, enjoying the sun, naked apart from a pair of khaki cotton shorts (yes again influenced by Gordon and Colin’s photographs) and briefs. It’s a strange feeling when a point of view you’ve held as a plus point to your existence unravels and the folly of your behaviour becomes overwhelming. This simple revelation made an impact. The idea I was actually no different from those other privileged pupils in the UK really hit home. As always, auntie was mild in her reasoning, allowing me to come to my own conclusions in my own time. However, the shock that rippled through my body as I arrived at this mind-altering deduction was most dramatic. I filled my diaper, except I wasn’t wearing one so, I wet myself and at the same time broke down into the most dreadful lamentation. I shuddered at my own foolishness; I’d been a stupid, self-absorbed kid all my life. Here I was thinking I was being self-sufficient, original, even a rebel but it was a lie. I hadn’t seen or taken advantage of any of the benefits I could have had. I’d been blind to opportunities, no wonder the teachers despaired at my attitude. I was a rebel without reason and cried for my wasted life, one that I now recognised I‘d imposed on myself. My parents weren’t the ones to blame; I’d made my life an awful experience through my own efforts. I was in torment, what had I done? Panic gripped my body and tears flowed for quite some time. # Auntie hugged and consoled me but such sudden uncontrolled emotions meant I was completely out of control. Since I’d been with auntie I hadn’t had to face up to anything even remotely ‘grown up’ until the psychiatrist (and look how that went). I’d eagerly become her ‘good little boy’ but this revelation was just too much. I’d blamed my parents for depriving me of a happy childhood but in fact, I manged to engineer that on my own. I was a teenage boy and I’d just discovered something about myself that not only shocked but had reduced me to a blubbering baby in wet pants. I may have enjoyed playing the ‘little boy’ but the truth was I really felt lost and more in need of an adult’s guidance than I’d ever done before. She rocked me gently in her arms and patted my soggy bottom and hugged my naked chest to her sweetly warm perfumed breast. Once my sobbing had died down and I began to think more clearly she let me out of her embrace and I sat at her feet as she stroked her fingers through my hair. “I suppose I’m going to have to grow up.” I said as much to myself as I did to auntie. Her fingers stopped their stroking for a brief second whilst she thought. “You are grown up sweet-heart. We can’t deny that and certainly the education department won’t let you but, and this is the main thing about my sweet little Doddle...” She’d been lovingly calling me that since I’d explained the nickname back in the UK. Although when she said it there was always a twinkle in her eye as well as love in her voice and it made me a simpering, shy kiddie who’d just wanted to please her. Her hand began stroking my head again and I felt the tenderness in those finger tips. “You are in school for around 35 hours a week, what you choose to do with the rest of the 133 hours is entirely up to you.” No doubt she could feel my brain thinking through my skull. “I like my little boy,” she ruffled my hair, “I like my big boy as well… so no matter which he wants to be, I think that’s who he should be.” There was a certain wistfulness to her voice as she added. “Despite how you now feel… and I’m sure confusion is pretty high on that list… you need that connection to the nursery. You may not need it all the time, or for much longer but…” and her voice faltered slightly, “you do need it.” I let out a huge sigh because I knew auntie was correct. Without her teaching me, in the most wonderful way, to appreciate people (and toddlers are people too), how to interact, how to have fun and take pleasure in that fun. How to be social and not antisocial, how to enjoy simple pleasures and re-evaluate in the simplest terms all that has gone before… I would have carried around a sack full of unwarranted hate and animosity for ever. The new location, the diapers and without doubt the unconditional love meant she’d stripped me right back to help with a new start. I looked down at my pants and saw the huge dark wet stain almost obliterating the dry khaki colour and really wished I’d worn a diaper. As if auntie really needed me to explain and point out my accident I indicated the soaked pants. “I’m not sure being a ‘big boy’ is going to be a success.” She shrugged her shoulder slightly. “So, what would my sweet wet boy want to happen next?” I was quite embarrassed that my emotions had led me to cause such a flow. “I don’t think I’m quite ready to be a big boy… mmm… perhaps I should be your good little boy for a while longer?” I queried hopefully. She smiled and held out her hand. “Maybe I should make sure my sweet boy is well protected for the rest of the day at least.” # We toddled off upstairs to the nursery where auntie stripped me out of my wet things. She held up my white CK trunks that looked positively yellow and shook her head. Meanwhile, I lay there happily sucking on my dummy as she cleaned up and slipped a particularly well stuffed, thick fabric diaper under my butt. She pinned it tightly into position before sliding a pair of crinkly clear plastic pants over the bulbous, though strangely comforting object. I was back to being what I wanted to be and wriggled in my own delight. All thoughts of school and my past mistakes fled at the same time as auntie took away the sodden khaki shorts and wet undies to be washed. I wished my messy thoughts could be similarly dumped in a machine and come out all fresh and clean. Alas, I had to sort this out for myself and hope that I could maintain some kind of balance in future. It was going to be a struggle on both our parts. # I appreciated auntie knew best and that I wouldn’t be able to stay a kid for ever but I can’t tell you, now I’d realised my past mistakes, how scared I was of starting at a new school all over again. I lay in bed comfortable in my protection, my hand gently rubbing the slippery surface of my billowing plastic pants but my thoughts definitely on the future. With dummy in mouth and hugging my teddy bear I hoped I’d could come up with some kind of solution to all this. The problem I had – mentally, where I was at that moment made me extremely happy. I didn’t want to change but change I knew was necessary. You’d think being a loner for all this time meant I would have no problem because having no friends wouldn’t bother me… except now things had changed. I would do anything for auntie. I had responsibilities, daft as that sounds, I had responsibilities not to make auntie’s life difficult. We’d already seen how complicated it could get if psychiatrists and the education department decided to become more involved. I needed to find something that would keep my younger and older selves happy, or if not happy, at least functioning at an acceptable level. # Throughout the long school summer break auntie tried to get me to socialise with people my real age. There were a few 8th, 9th and 10th graders living nearby and she hoped that I might mix but they had seen me around and thought, because of the way I dressed, I was some kind of weirdo, so didn’t appear all that keen to have anything to do with me. I have to say, this suited me fine but knew it shouldn’t, I had to make the effort for auntie. The Rainbow Rooms Nursery stayed open for most of the lengthy summer school break and was packed with the young children of some very appreciative parents. I think, if they could, those fraught moms and dads would have loved to be able to dump their teenage kids there as well. I felt fortunate in being allowed to be part of this fun-loving, ego-less, noisy and un-patronising family of playful toddlers. Auntie had a saying: “Those things you learn without joy you will easily forget.” I had to admit, I’d learned a great deal from those kids. # Meanwhile, there’d been an open day for new students to have a look around the High School and auntie and I were able to chat with the principal and some of the teachers who were there to placate any fears or reservations newcomers might have. Most of the new arrivals were kids younger than me but there were two other boys my age also relocating and starting 9th grade at this place. Auntie made sure I spoke to them so that I (and they) would have at least a couple of people we knew on that scary first day. # Yoosuf was born three days after my birthday, came from Florida, although his grandparents were originally from Iran (left during the purge) and looked and acted like a little prince. His dark hair and huge dark eyes just drew you in and I would bet that he’d be pursued around campus by most of the girls his age. Just from the elegant way he looked I knew he must have come from a family with money but, if that was the case, why was he enrolling at the local High School and not at some private academy? No doubt all would be revealed over the coming term… then I thought of my own predicament and would I want to explain the death of my parents to anyone? I shivered at the thought that his story might be similar to my own. There was nearly two months difference in mine and Oliver’s birthday and he was most definitely from a very poor background. His clothes were mismatched and old but he had a smile that would win him many friends. He was upbeat and positive about this new school and I found it quite endearing that he should go out of his way to make me feel included. There was something about Oliver that I just couldn’t put my finger on. I felt an immediate rapport. He was both shy and yet confident. No, let me try that again. He looked shy. His long eyelashes, sandy blond hair and almost girlie features made him look like he needed the protection of others. However, when he spoke, and the way he acted, he was full of confidence about himself and his laugh was genuine and infectious. I liked him a lot. Despite there being an obvious ‘class’ gap between him and Yoosuf, he wanted to be friends with everyone and his enthusiasm was irresistible. Yoosuf appeared as enamoured of Oliver as I was and it didn’t take too long before we were chatting about our favourite music and TV shows. # The first day of school was looming and I’d spent the last few days preparing myself for this occasion. Despite auntie encouraging me to sleep in the ‘other room’ I didn’t feel confident of not having a wet night. She’d said I could wear protection to bed if that helped but I just felt happier if I slept in the nursery surrounded by my stuffed animals and changing table. I’d become accustomed to seeing my plastic pants and piles of diapers before I fell asleep and they made me feel safe. I tried not to pee during the night but that was proving difficult as I woke up every morning with a soaked diaper. However, there was some improvement. I was using the toilet during the day with very few ‘accidents’, which, with help from a pull-up I wore under my briefs, soaked up any dribbles. I don’t think anyone could tell I was wearing any form of padding under my chinos so hoped that would solve at least part of that problem. I did miss the morning ritual that auntie had developed of me being diapered and put into a slinky pair of shiny plastic pants. That first view in a morning of a pristine diaper swathed in slick vinyl always made me feel terrific and ready for the day. I tried to get that same ‘rush’ when I pulled up my pull-up but it just wasn’t there, nevertheless I was grateful for this helpful padding. I had to start thinking as a fourteen year-old and not as a needy toddler but wasn’t sure if I could pull it off. Regardless of auntie’s attempts to make that transition un-traumatic, that first day at school proved to be a disaster as I sat in the nurse’s office, in my soaked pants, waiting for her to come and get me. # To be continued… Part 9 The night before school my mind had been working overtime. All I could think (and partially dream) about was my life at the different ‘educational’ establishments I’d attended since I was young. Alas, as I tossed and turned with each invading reflection, the thick night time diaper that held me tightly didn’t offer the soft comfort I’d come to expect. # At three years old I had been potty trained by my mother and then, with her part in my development done, sent off into the world. At that first ‘nursery/crèche/kindergarten’, I have no idea what it was, but what I did eventually get to know was that I was away from my ‘loving’ mommy and daddy and not a happy child. My first and main recollection from that time was that I wet myself constantly. The people looking after me seemed to focus on the fact I was wetting rather than the why and so kept me in diapers the entire time I was there. In between brief visits from my parents, after which I would cry for days, I was kept clean and fed but for me, and the other toddlers (I was not alone), each day followed the same timetable; a diet of dynamic learning, followed by unhappiness, followed by more learning. If we played at all… that particular memory escapes me… but that austere and unloving place literally scared the shit out of me. As if to prove it, my potty training reversed and my diaper was constantly full. # In those half-dreams and fevered recollections I could still feel that dense rough diaper irritating with each movement. Together with the noisy crack of the thick, almost unyielding plastic pants that held it in place felt like I was encased in granite. I wriggled unhappily under my nursery print covers, thankful at least auntie always made sure my protection was soft and comfortable, though, because of my agitated dreams, at that moment I wasn’t particularly enjoying such consideration. # When I reached the age of five I was moved to another private school. It took pride in the fact its ‘student’ body was prepared for senior school and so, ‘education, education, education’ was its main (and I would say only) priority. Here at least I wasn’t kept in scratchy diapers, which to some degree I eventually grew out of with just an occasional nocturnal lapse. However, the school wasn’t equipped for these little lapses and I (like anyone else who suffered a wet night) was ridiculed and ostracised and made to wear protection in class for the entire following day. The other kids never let such an opportunity pass so I was fair game for any grade to mock and be made fun of. By the time I was approaching my tenth birthday I’d learned to hide any toiletry hiccups so to all intents and purposes I’d grown out of that ‘problem’. At the same time my abilities were recognised when academically at least I easily came top of the class. This was when my parents broke the news that I was to sit another exam in the UK to further my education. Stupidly I assumed they would be in England too, it wasn’t to be. # These dreams, thoughts and often unpleasant images raced through my active brain whether I was asleep or awake and by morning I was severely wet and half dead to the world. # The morning wasn’t helped after auntie stripped me out of my soaked protection but, after a shower, the ritual I so looked forward to was denied. Not that auntie would do anything to upset me but, this was a new opportunity that I was encouraged to take. So, no lotions or powders or soft fluffy disposable taped snugly into place. No slinky vinyl slowly fed up my legs, slipping deliciously over my thighs to grip my waist in a welcoming manner. The nursery held the clothes I wanted but the clothes I was to wear were in the ‘other room’ and I had to fortify myself from that moment - I had to get back into teenage mode. Of course auntie had laid out my wardrobe for the day; right on top was a little pair of pull-ups that we’d spoken about. She knew I was a bit nervous about staying dry so we agreed to this little ‘help’ to be worn under my underpants. It wasn’t the same but their slight rustle and full crotch was most welcome under the rest of my school clothes. # I caught the bus to school like so many other kids and, apart from one or two who knew me and were whispering, looking and giggling in my direction, the journey passed off without much to report. I’d entered the school grounds with a slight crinkle and a great deal of apprehension. I saw Yoosuf talking to a group of girls, waved and then looked around for the familiar face of Oliver but couldn’t see him. # There was no set ‘uniform’, social or educational, and everyone appeared to be wearing what they liked. I’d chosen a pair of fawn coloured chinos over my slight protection, a green polo shirt, trainers and had my backpack slung over one shoulder… I thought I blended in quite well. Not overly smart but not slovenly either. There were several boys wearing shorts, but nearly all wore them long and baggy so definitely not my style. The girls were a completely different story and seemed to form into groups who all dressed the same. However, that was just a first impression as I gazed around at my new school buddies. Then I spied a familiar face coming through a group of noisy students who were standing at the gate. # He was nodding to everyone, even folk I suspect he didn’t know, but when our eyes met he waved and made straight towards me. The thing was I was spellbound. He was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and an AC/DC t-shirt… it was a young Colin come to life from one of the images in auntie’s photo album. Stunned by this apparition I couldn’t move. I wanted to say something, I wanted to greet my friend, I wanted to acknowledge, well, I wasn’t sure what – because for that one shocking moment Oliver looked exactly like Colin, the only difference from the photo was the logo on the t-shirt. He came up and hugged me like a long lost friend and I was so overcome, my bladder gave way and I pissed my pants. Not just a little, but a flow so strong that it deluged my pull-up and a tell-tale stain radiated from my groin. If it hadn’t been for Oliver’s quick action the first impression I would have made at school was as a pants wetter. # He was surprised that I didn’t reciprocate the hug but when he pulled back he noticed my pants. Quick as a flash, and before anyone else could see, he pulled off his backpack and held it in front of my rapidly expanding stain. To be honest, I wasn’t really aware of what I’d done and it wasn’t until Oliver was guiding me towards the main building that I realised what had happened. The spreading damp radiating from my groin was not the nicely warming experience it would have been in a diaper. I was full of apologies but Oli just smiled and said, “Wow, nobody’s ever been that pleased to see me.” He seemed to know his way around the school and we ended up at the nurse’s office. She came out to see who her first patient of the day was and, as the bell had just gone, dismissed Oli back to class. I sat there trying to explain how I was taken by surprise by his enthusiastic hug but the nurse, Nurse Jefferson, wasn’t convinced. She noticed something that no one else had mentioned. She said that I spoke like a little boy. Well, to be honest, she didn’t say that exactly but the way she responded to my words left me in no doubt. I hadn’t realised that my speech had been so defined by my time at Rainbow and I suppose, those who knew me, especially auntie, just thought that’s the way I spoke. It hadn’t bothered me until Nurse Jefferson mentioned it but now I was at High School, with wet pants and sounding like a baby… things definitely needed to change. # My pants were a mess and there was no way I could walk around school looking like I did. She spoke to someone on the phone, who I assumed was the principal, checked something on her computer and then phoned auntie. My pull-up hadn’t been as efficient as hoped and I could see Nurse Jefferson wondering what action to take. Before she had chance to come to any conclusion the phone rang and she was obviously receiving further information as she kept looking up at me and agreeing to what was being said down the phone. “Oh I see.” She listened “Right.” There was more. “Well that explains…” Something was said and agreed upon. She eventually wandered over and asked in a soft cajoling whisper you’d use with an infant if I needed any help and did I want a change. I was taken by surprise at her suggestion, and even though at that particular moment I would have loved a change, the thought of a fluffy disposable hugging my groin making me wriggle in anticipation, I said “No”. I didn’t want it to get around that on my first day I’d wet my pants, had to see the nurse and she’d diapered me. I needed to keep that a secret for a while longer… or so I thought. # Not long after auntie arrived with a bag of dry clothes but before I could change we were called into the principal’s office. He seemed a nice man but was obviously a little perplexed at what he was reading; it was a report from the psychiatrist. I’d not thought this far ahead and for the second time that day I was shocked, with the result that, unfortunately, I wet myself even more. This was not going well and I couldn’t fathom where all this pee was coming from. As the dark stain on my chinos spread further the principal noticed and requested I immediately go and see the nurse while he and auntie talked. Auntie passed me the bag with my clean clothes and I reluctantly left the room clutching it tightly to my groin for the few yards journey to the nurse’s office. # When I arrived she was very business-like. “Right, let’s get you organised and into something dry shall we?” I knew I looked like a stupid little kid, which of course I normally didn’t mind, but confronted by this particular lady, I felt feeble and inadequate. The folk at Rainbow just changed me like they would any other infant but here, at High School, I was no longer a happy, playful toddler but a teenage student who’d wet his pants. “Take off your pants,” she paused, “or would you prefer I do it?” There was no malice in her voice just a question. Since I’d been with auntie I was used to doing as instructed so slowly unbuttoned the top of my chinos and let them drop to the floor. She could see the expanded pull-up bulging out behind my underpants and indicated they needed to come off as well. Standing there in my soggy pull-up and stained underpants it just didn’t feel real. I hadn’t been wearing any extra plastic protection so my pee had not been well contained. Being changed at Rainbow (or at home) was a process I wasn’t involved in, somebody else made the decision and it just happened. My involvement was… She pulled the squelchy mass down. “OK Dean, I’m going to clean you up, then rub in some lotion, powder and fit a diaper… any questions?” I just shrugged. I was in a sort of dream world, which I knew I liked but at that moment found particularly alien. # She had me lie out on a low table, which I wasn’t sure could support my weight but, as she’d covered the entire thing in a loose piece of blue absorbent paper (I’d seen something similar on the doctor’s examination table), I did as I was told. “Good boy,” she said as I climbed up, my naked lower half reacting to the cool air conditioning of her office. “Now I’ll just check the bag and see what mommy, er, Miss Marsden has brought.” Jeans, a clean shirt, socks and a fresh pair of boxers were laid out on another table, eventually she found what she was searching for, a fresh disposable. “Ah, here we go.” She slowly and meticulously unfurled it and slipped it under my bottom. There was a look of understanding on her face and it suddenly struck me that she might know of my parent’s dramatic death and was being sympathetic. She then reached for some wipes, lotion and powder, which she conscientiously applied to my hair-free pubic area before fastening me in. I’m not sure how many fourteen year-old boys she’d had to diaper in her time as a nurse but as she cleaned me up I thought she smiled and nodded approval at my a/c shrunken pee-pee and hairless genital area. “Mmmm sensible… and no sign of a rash… good, good.” She said half to herself and half to me. She smoothed in the lotion and my pee-pee began to react but, like the ladies at Rainbow, it was completely ignored as she pulled the disposable into place. Any raging hormones that a healthy teenage boy might have were dismissed as I was really just a ‘little boy’ so treated as such. Once I was tightly enclosed she delved into the bag once more and found a pair of opaque plastic pants, which she shuffled up my legs. She did it all with such care that I found myself relaxing and beginning to enjoy her attention. After that was completed she had me sit up and checked that everything fitted correctly; smoothing the plastic pants down over the diaper and making sure I was well tucked in and leak-proof. # She stood back to appreciate her work and smiled. Whether that was because of a job well done or the fact that my slinky plastic pants could be seen dangling below my polo shirt I wasn’t too sure. “OK Dean,” she seemed satisfied, “put the rest of your clothes back on and put the wet stuff in this plastic bag.” She indicated a black bin bag on another table. “Sit over there and wait until the principal and your mommy, er, Miss Marsden finish their conversation.” Perhaps she wasn’t being sympathetic about the death of my parents, maybe she thought she was dealing with a teenager who was somewhat ‘challenged’. She spoke to me as if I was slow, or a toddler and I moved from enjoying the process to resenting it a bit. Although I was happier now I was padded and protected I wondered about how late I was for my first class. What excuse could I come up with? What did anyone know? Had anyone noticed? What, if anything, has Oliver said? Perhaps more importantly, would anyone notice my padded butt? “Don’t I need to be in class?” I queried. “Yes you do but the principal will need to have a word before you go.” “Ohhh.” # Ten minutes later and auntie emerged from the principal’s office looking worried. “Are you OK sweetie?” She was concerned about me. I nodded and looked down at my padded crotch and shrugged. Nurse Jefferson smiled and said that I’d been a very co-operative boy and that everything had been taken care of and, if the principal had finished with me, I needed to get to class. There was a slight rustling sound as I got to my feet and auntie hugged me and patted my cushioned bottom. She rubbed it slightly and I felt most reassured by both the padding and auntie’s tender touch. She looked at me and said we’d talk when I got home. I was a bit apprehensive as it looked like she had something serious to say but getting to my new class was made a priority as the principal’s secretary came out with a note I had to give to the teacher. # “Sorry I’m late sir,” I handed Mr Brown the note, “I’m afraid I had to see the principal first…” I wanted to say more, to come up with a plausible excuse but he just nodded to a seat next to Oliver and thanked me for being polite. I hadn’t realised I had been but I suppose, even after all this time, the manners and attitude of an English private school, had some effect. A chorus of derision from a few of the students followed Mr Brown’s compliment, which thankfully drowned out the rustling noise my protection made as I sat down. Oli was all smiles as he passed me a photocopied timetable list of subjects and extra-curricular activities and again I got the impression he completely understood. # After such a god awful start to the day I have to say, it got better. When I say it got better, I mean nobody noticed, or if they did they didn’t say anything, so from then on, for me it was a pretty good first day. Now I was over my initial shock of seeing Oliver/Colin I realised that they weren’t all that alike after all although they were dressed similarly. I have to say Oli looked great in his shorts, his young blond hairy legs showed he was maturing way faster than I was. In fact, because of the special lotion auntie used at bath time, all my bodily hair had vanished. Next to Oli I looked like a little immature five year-old but it didn’t seem to worry him and we spent most of the day in each other’s company. Motioning towards his t-shirt I asked him if he was a fan of AC/DC. He just shrugged and said he liked the logo but had to admit he wasn’t keen on their music although his father was a huge fan. He confessed that he, his brother and sister grew up in a house that was filled with rock music. Even as a baby he fell asleep to the riffs of Motorhead, AC/DC and most heavy metal bands his dad played all the time. Apparently his parents had met at a rock festival in their home town and he was a result of that first drug-fuelled night of metal debauchery. Thankfully his mom and dad were “really into each other” (his words) so they married two months before he was born. He was very enthusiastic about his parents saying that they’d never had two dimes to rub together but both worked hard and brought up him, his younger brother and sister, pretty well. # It was great for me to hear somebody who actually liked his parents and not only that was vocal about it. On that first day I learned so much about Oliver but every time he asked about my life I slunk into babbling and avoiding the subject apart from telling him I now lived with my auntie and that I’d moved from DC. Not quite AC/DC but halfway there, I pathetically joked! I simply wasn’t sure what to tell him. I doubted he’d be interested in hearing about life at a private school in England, I was positive he wouldn’t want to know about my ‘super important’ parents and I definitely wasn’t sure I could share my diaper wearing ways with him. Because he hadn’t mentioned it I assumed he didn’t know, or hadn’t noticed, the bulkiness in my jeans. However, just as I was boarding my bus he patted my bottom and smiled. “Perhaps tomorrow you’ll tell me about this?” I was stunned but his effortless grin said I should trust him… and why wouldn’t I? So far he’d saved me from total embarrassment and he’d appeared to have kept my secret. So, my journey home was filled with thoughts about just what I wanted to explain the following day… and did I in fact want to share any of this information? # To be continued… Part 10 Auntie Joan had been working from her den at home. She’d had quite a lot of paper work regarding Rainbow and perhaps even more after what happened at school. However, she’d said that we needed to talk and I was keen to get whatever the ‘problem’ was out of the way as soon as possible. “Ah Doodle,” she greeted me caringly at the door, “how did the rest of the day go?” I shrugged and slipped the backpack off my shoulder and onto the floor. “I’m sorry sweetheart, it wasn’t the best way to start a new school,” she added sympathetically. “It’s OK.” She put her arm around me and pulled me in for an embrace that always made me feel good. She kissed the top of my head and patted my padded bottom and asked if I needed a change. Despite the fact that I’d been wearing them since the morning, I’d resolutely kept myself from peeing in them. I tried to control my bladder as much as possible and I think I succeeded… well to some degree anyway. “Not yet, erm, er, you said in the nurse’s office that we needed to talk, er, can we do it now please?” I was feeling a bit apprehensive and a little afraid. I had no idea what the psychiatrist had said in his report but, after what I’d done, I wasn’t too hopeful. Also, on the journey home I’d begun to think that, if like the nurse, the principal thought I might somehow now be a bit mentally ‘challenged’, perhaps they would put me in a lower grade. There was a load of rubbish and doubt flowing through my mind and I urgently needed auntie to help sort it out. I needed to know what was happening. # She guided me through to the sofa and we sat down, my padding crinkling slightly as I made myself comfortable. “Now then,” she cleared her throat. “Mr Thomson (the Principal) has a bit of a problem with you.” She looked to see if that information alone would get a reaction. “Although your school report from England was positive… the psychiatrist report was not particularly positive… and blamed me for your unconventional behaviour.” She seemed to just cast that idea off with a ‘well he would wouldn’t he?’ shrug. “According to his professional opinion – You…” She raised her eyebrows as if to emphasise the point. “…apparently reacting to my need to keep you in protection, had adopted some strange juvenile habits, which he was keen to point out might ‘flare’ up at any moment.” I looked at her and saw a look of resignation on her face. “They think because I run The Rainbow Rooms Nursery…” she took a deep breath, “for me to cope with the sudden arrival of a heart-broken teen ‘still bereaving the loss of his parents’ I need to see you no different from the other children I look after.” She shrugged and raised her eyebrows again as if to say, ‘that’s what the psychiatrist thinks’. I shook my head and mumbled that it simply wasn’t true. She hugged me tightly. “We know the truth but because of your reluctance to tell him everything, and be quite defensive when talking about me, they think I’m the problem.” “Ooh.” “I’ve tried to explain things to both the psychiatrist and to the principal but the outcome is…” She paused and I don’t think it was for dramatic effect. “…they want us to see a different family psychiatrist and get another appraisal.” I still wasn’t too sure what this all meant but a sudden thought struck me. “They can’t send me away… can they?” The very idea sent me into a panic and the flow to my diaper was matched by the deluge of tears running down my face. “Ohh auntie, please don’t let them send me away. I don’t want to go back to that horrible school. Please don’t let them…” My sobbing was reaching a hysterical level as the flood of tears soaked auntie’s dress as she tried her best to comfort me. # At that moment I felt like a little boy who had no control over anything. I was grateful for the unconditional love that auntie gave me and anxious that I in no way compromise what she did for me. However, as I wept I couldn’t help but realise that my life now appeared to be in more than just auntie’s hands. I wasn’t old enough to take complete control. I wasn’t in a position to make demands because there would always be someone (like that damned psychiatrist), who, no doubt full of good intentions and thinking of what was only right for me, didn’t get who I was and what I wanted. Rainbow had offered me a fun and completely different way of life. I know my education more or less stopped but I was learning something from my fellow toddlers that I hadn’t learned before… friendship. I was happy to throw myself into anything that other kids wanted to involve me in instead of being the self-centred, aloof student I’d been at any of my previous schools. I felt I’d blossomed in that environment and although I didn’t want to leave it, knew I had eventually to get back to a more conventional education. After feeling quite good being at senior school and having a friend in Oliver, I now felt totally useless. The confidence and esteem building auntie had done tumbled around me and I wanted to retreat to where I knew I was safe. It took some time but eventually my tears dried up, alas my diaper was soaked through. Auntie noticed and recommended that we do something about it. My safe space. # On the changing table up in the nursery auntie got to work with her usual efficiency. As she cleaned me up she added another of the stipulations from the principal – ‘when at school I needed to wear protection at all times’. He was firm with auntie about this requirement, he said he was not going to have an ‘accident’ like the psychiatrist experienced in his classrooms or anywhere else on school property. To make sure I complied with this instruction I would be obliged to visit the nurse every morning to be checked before I’d be allowed into any class. I didn’t know a lot about psychiatrists but thought that info about my ‘accident’ in his office should have remained confidential, why was it in a report to the principal. Apparently, word had got around from the next patients, it was a small town and gossip was at a premium. So, despite my trying to be a fourteen year-old student they were determined to keep me in diapers. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad about this news. However, as auntie wrapped me snuggly in a fresh disposable, snapped a new pair of pink plastic pants into place and guided me to the open closet filled with my toddler clothes, surprisingly, I resented that the school was insisting what I wear. # At school in the UK I’d only wet intermittently, although, since the news of my parent’s deaths it appeared that more often than not my mind just couldn’t be bothered sending any message to my bladder when I needed to go to the bathroom. During the day, since auntie had tried to get me back into ‘big boy’ briefs, my toilet training had been reasonably successful because I was more aware of what was needed. However, as I slept, there was no such discipline. Almost every morning I woke up wet, and I have to say, it didn’t worry me at all; I loved it when auntie changed my soaked diaper. That morning intimacy was something I’d never experienced with anyone else before. When I was young and wet at school the ‘nurses’ just did their job, there was no love or connection from either me or them but with auntie it was so different. Even though I wasn’t a toddler she took time and effort in making sure I was happy. She talked and we giggled, she powdered and I’d wiggle, she slipped me into a comfy diaper and I was grateful. I was grateful because the soft, fluffy, thick, reassuring diaper was an extension of auntie’s love. Maybe that was the trouble. Maybe I’d gotten too reliant on having that circle of love surrounding my groin. However, I couldn’t let auntie take the blame for my dependency because of her devotion in making me a complete human being. I had to explain to any new psychiatrist that because of auntie’s methods I was becoming less insular and more able to deal with the real world, even if that had meant almost restarting my development from scratch. # However, the more I thought about it being a terrific plan, I wasn’t sure I had the right words or attitude not to make things worse when I spoke, or worse still, nervously pee myself in that kind of official company. I knew I got angry. I’d displayed that anger in the psychiatrists office and look how that turned out. I was angry that I was feeling angry, which can’t be a good place to be but… as I wriggled in my diaper and closed my eyes briefly; I could feel the stress evaporate. There was safety in my diapers. At Rainbow and with auntie of course, I never thought about authority. I was like the rest of the kids, the adults were in charge and decisions were made on our behalf. I never thought that those decisions were made to make anything but us toddler’s lives better and more fun. They kept us clean and happy, fed and entertained; it was strange that I felt more of a real person at Rainbow than I ever did anywhere else. Certainly with my parents I’d never felt anything more than a visitor just passing through their lives, in England I felt detached and lonely, despite the teachers best efforts to include me in everything. I think I was too far gone by the age of ten and rejected everything but study. I had begun to shun intimacy in any form as a protection, I suppose, a bit like the protection auntie let me wear. I felt safe when I was protected. # I satisfied myself on the notion I was quite bright. Obviously on many levels I didn’t come close but my high grades told a different story. I’d used my inner anger for quite some time to justify why I, Dean Court, was the way I was. I thought I was an individual. I thought I was clever in my independence. I even thought my bedwetting was somehow proof that (even as a boy) I was my own man. Stupid, Stupid STUPID! My anger would never appear valid it would be seen as a childish tantrum rather than any cogent argument I wanted to present. Somehow I needed to keep that rage under control like it was at Rainbow. I’d never once felt anything but happiness there and somehow I’d have to transfer that pleasure to my day to day existence in High School. Perhaps the diapers might be the solution, or if not, at least a helpful soft and fluffy hug when I felt my annoyance rising. # I grabbed a pink t-shirt and a pink and blue pair of shorts from the closet and wondered downstairs to join auntie for our meal. As always she could see I was in some kind of quandary and wanted to help, the thing was, I just didn’t want to think grown up stuff when I was in my toddler clothes. I needed them to escape from… “Sweetheart,” She looked concerned. “I wish I could lift all this stress off your shoulders.” I sat at the table toying with my food. I knew I shouldn’t, she’d made me a lovely meal, but I just couldn’t raise any enthusiasm for it. Again the feeling of inadequacy swamped my head… and… there was something else that came and bit me on the bum… I realised I’d become a whiney little kid who was using any excuse to justify my behaviour. Auntie had said some time ago that there would be times when I wanted to be a toddler and there were times when I needed to be fourteen. I had to separate these two different sides of my personality and it was proving very difficult. That night auntie and I tried, in between cuddles, to map out some kind of strategy… and I’d have to find a way to contend with any comments from other students once they found out I wore diapers. Wearing diapers wasn’t a worry for me as my general lack of concern over what anyone else thought about me, or what I chose to dress in, had armed me pretty well. I knew that if they didn’t get a rise or embarrassment out of me they would soon stop any comments. However, there were always going to be bullies and my diapers might just be like a red rag to a… bully. # That night I dreamed of bullies and Oliver. Well I say Oliver but at times he was both him and Colin. It was perhaps strange that at times they both melded into one; though I’m thankful that each time that happened they/he was still my friend. The bullies had striped me naked and were running around throwing my diaper to one and other as I played an unhappy ‘piggy-in-the-middle’. Meanwhile, ‘Coliver’ was desperately trying to retrieve it but was having no luck over these older and bigger boys. Eventually, having tired of calling me names and seeing my pee-pee wobble back and forth in the middle of the playground, they left, taking with them my protection and leaving me naked below the waist. ‘Coliver’ searched around until we were alone and then surreptitiously delved into his backpack and produced a fresh clean disposable. I was shocked but with a nervous smile he said, “I’ll always have your back.” He helped me into it and wearing just that diaper I went back to class. It was embarrassing to some degree but, as everyone knew about my diapers by then, it wasn’t a big deal. # The following morning I woke up dry. Yes, one of the few occasions when this happened although my bed was a mess from all the tossing and turning I’d done during my dream. With my sheets in a tangle and pillows thrown onto the floor I’d woken up slightly disorientated and worrying about bullies lying in wait. I mistook my teddy bear, looming in the corner of the bed as a possible antagonist and thrown out my fist in a pathetic attempt at a punch. Teddy looked pretty annoyed at what I’d done and auntie came in and found me bouncing him up and down on my plastic bulge frantically apologising for hurting him. I wasn’t sure if this was quite the way for a fourteen year-old high school student to be acting but I suppose neither was auntie stripping me from my diaper, sharing my joy at being dry and sending me off to see to my morning ablutions. When I returned my boxers had been replaced with a disposable and a pair of clear plastic pants. I suppose so that the nurse and anyone else who might need proof could see I was well protected. “Do you want to try and do it for yourself?” Auntie asked quietly from the door. Over the time I’d been in diapers I had made one or two attempts at fitting myself but it just seemed such an operation and far better if someone else saw to it. “Can you do it please auntie. I, er, prefer it when you do, er…” She smiled and did what she always did… she made me feel safe and secure both mentally and physically. # To be continued Part 11 Strange to say but Rainbow and the private school in the UK had more in common than I thought. It certainly wasn’t the uniform (ha-ha) but attitude; neither tolerated bullying to take place. At Rainbow, if there was an argument or some conflict (usually over a toddler wanting to play with a toy someone else was already enjoying) it was frowned upon by the adults who would settle the disagreement by speaking with the aggressive party and not condone such behaviour. Often the dispute would end with a “Sowwy” and both parties would end up playing happily together. At the school in England a similar tactic was enforced (apart from the “Sowwy”), bullying was efficiently discouraged, with the older students taking it as part of their function not to allow such behaviour to go unchallenged. As a result, bullying in both institutions was not prevalent and if it happened, was quickly neutralised. # School settled down fairly quickly. I had my early morning checks with Nurse Jefferson and she would call the principal to confirm I was well-padded so, once she got the “OK” from him I was allowed to go to class. My new, self-imposed uniform of long pants and un-tucked in shirt or long jumper, more or less hid the bulkiness from view so wasn’t a source of comment. I did smell sweet from the baby powder but I suppose everyone had their own ‘smell’ so mine wasn’t thought of as anything in particular. The crinkle and creak of my plastic pants was there but nobody appeared to be that concerned. All in all I thought I was fitting in surprisingly OK. # As I’ve mentioned, wearing diapers doesn’t worry me in the least and even after I’d told Oliver the reason he was still my friend. In fact, the more I told him the closer we became. Over those first few days, after auntie had explained that I might actually enjoy sharing with a friend, I never shut up. Oliver was keen to hear everything and was a terrific listener and a guy who didn’t hide his own emotions. When I told him about my parent’s dramatic death he appeared more upset than I’d been. Oddly enough, his reaction set me off and I think for the first time I cried for my parents and not for myself. This, I realised too late, was a mistake because emotionally at least, my bladder was in complete sympathy and let flow. My diaper gave me that warming glow and Oli wondered why I’d gone quiet but for some reason this felt different. I looked at Oli and realised that he was the first person I’d ever really shared such a deep moment with. Of course there was auntie but Oli was… a… friend, my first real friend, and I wasn’t sure how to react. Why I should have been nervous I have no idea but he gave me a gentle hug and smiled so I knew all was well. I didn’t visit the nurse immediately but knew eventually I’d have to go and get changed. Despite the lotions and powder she applied, auntie had warned me about wearing a wet diaper for too long so a quick change was advised. # Oliver did say something that I found arresting. After hearing that my wetting apparently increased after my parent’s deaths, perhaps, he thought, I’d been affected more than I understood, maybe even subconsciously. Now where a fourteen year-old could get such an insight from I do not know but it certainly set me thinking. # My new best friend was a constant amazement. Because of his working class background I had assumed, very wrongly as it turned out, that he’d struggle in class. Not a bit of it. Like me he was way ahead of just about everyone else in the 9th Grade. However, unlike me his was a natural intelligence, whereas mine was bought and paid for at special private learning facilities. In those first few days he was a constant surprise and I began to rely on his friendship pretty heavily as I negotiated my way through an unfamiliar educational system. For those first few days wearing my protection I managed to remain almost dry, what little trickled out was easily soaked up so wasn’t noticeable. However, after that emotional discussion involving the death of my parents, and Oliver’s comment, the deluge was intense and I was really glad that auntie had made sure I wore some very strong rubber leak-proof pants that day. I don’t know if she gets a sixth sense about this type of thing but she had me well protected when I needed it most. # Nurse Jefferson I think still regarded me as a little ‘special’ and treated me as such. On the few occasions I had to visit her she was all smiles and cheerfulness and definitely talked down to me but not in a patronising way. Now, you may have thought I resented this but in fact, it made me laugh. She certainly wasn’t like auntie when she changed me but she was nothing like the other ‘nurses’ who had tended to my wet diapers in the past. She was fun, helpful and sympathetic… if on a slightly different level. She would often engulf me in powder. “Just to keep you smelling sweet.” And take some delight making sure I was well tucked in and my plastic pants didn’t inflate too much as she pulled them over the disposable. She was keen that I wasn’t embarrassed by anything she did. However, sometimes she added a separate thick layer of padding if I’d had a particularly thorough soaking. “Just to be on the safe side.” She’d say with a final pat to my cushioned bottom. I’d thank her for all the attention (my English public school politeness coming to the fore again) and she would say, “Thank you your Lordship” and chuckle to herself. # Thanks to Oliver (I hardly had much contact with Yoosuf, who, as suspected, had become a prime target for a lot of girls, which he loved), I was able to integrate a lot easier than I’d originally thought I would. A few of the other students had also been to Rainbow Rooms Nursery as kids so auntie was well known and despite my unorthodox first few months in town, once folk knew I was her nephew other people started to talk to me. I had been noticed around town in my ‘childish’ clothes and some of my peers (and others) let their thoughts be known. They assumed I was a “retard”, or at least that was then impression I’d given. “A f*cking freak” was another observation from a tenth and eleventh Grade groups of kids. Others thought I must be a foreign exchange student because of my accent (and politeness), whilst a few appeared to know of my dramatic story and offered sympathetic looks and the occasional sigh (although that was mainly from girls). The boys tried to get me involved in their games but I was still having difficulty in applying myself to this new situation, thankfully Oliver smoothed the way and under his guiding hand I mixed relatively well. When one boy questioned me about the short shorts he’d seen me wearing out and about in town with auntie I was a bit stuck for an answer until Oliver came to the rescue. “Oh, yes, I need to get myself some of those,” he smiled as if he was in the know. “They are trending in Europe as the next big fashion…” He let me add my piece. “MTV Europe is all over it.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this in an overly emphasised British manner. “I may be the first to bring this style to this fair town but I doubt I’ll be the last.” There were a few nods of approval, or at least understanding, although a few other boys sniggered, joyfully ridiculed me and said they’d never wear something that babyish. At least Oliver’s quick mind had dug me out of a hole I could so easily have slipped into… perhaps never to return? I sighed with relief. # To begin with, after each new day of school I couldn’t wait to return to 46 Glendew Lane and resume my toddler life. I’d rush up to the nursery and pull off my school clothes and wait for auntie’s return to properly fit me in my diaper. The intimacy was all part of my happy journey back to the place I liked the best and, bless her heart, auntie was happy to oblige. However, once I’d got to know Oliver better I’d arrive home and wasn’t quite as quick to change. In fact I’d go into the ‘other room’ and turn on the computer (something I hadn’t done for absolutely ages) and either play games or catch up on the loads of stuff that had accumulated there since I’d arrived at auntie’s house. Before I knew it auntie would be calling me down for the evening meal and I’d be still dressed as if I’d just gotten in. She never said anything about this only asking me about the day and how teachers and other kids were treating me. I couldn’t complain. She seemed OK with this news and didn’t push for further details. After the meal, and I’d helped with some chores, I returned to the ‘other room’ to finish my homework. # I’d slept in there a few times but still regarded the nursery as my main bedroom however, as I stripped down to get ready for bed the urge to stay there was strong. I stood in front of the mirror wearing just my protection, which was bunched up but only slightly damp, and wondered if I wanted this as much anymore. There was little doubt that, as I ran my hands over the glossy, slippery plastic surface, the bulkiness under my pants felt as wonderful as ever. The tremble of comfort they offered was there but… I wasn’t sure why but I thought, well, I didn’t know what I thought… but there was certainly some doubt in my mind. Perhaps wearing a diaper for ‘big school’ (I giggled at the very idea of that name) was not what I really wanted. I wriggled out of my protection and slipped into the shower. When I returned I was expecting auntie to be there to make sure I was well diapered for the night but she wasn’t. With a white towel wrapped around my waist I wandered into the nursery and checked out all the things I liked so much. Touching the pile of diapers and running my fingers over the smooth array of plastic pants I caught sight of myself in the full-length mirror and saw that the towel still made it look like I was wearing a diaper. I smiled to myself… but it was decision time. # I moved over from the nursery into ‘my room’ and searched through the draws to find suitable PJs. Yes, I was giving this whole – being fourteen – a real good go and pulled on the type of nightwear I’d not worn since I’d arrived at aunties. Without the bulk of the diaper the pale blue cotton pyjama pants slipped around my waist with ease. It felt a bit strange and it didn’t seem right but, I was determined to be fourteen for the night. I pulled the covers up and for once wasn’t surrounded by cartoon characters or stuffed toys. My thumb waivered in front of my mouth for a second but I felt really tired and was about to go to sleep when auntie came in to say goodnight. “Are you OK Doodle?” She ran her hand through my short hair. “Yes auntie. I’m at High School now so…” She seemed to understand and gently kissed my head. “Sleep tight sweetheart.” She turned the light off and closed the door. # I didn’t remember dreaming but I must have slept very heavily because auntie was there rousing me for school. “C’mon Doodle; you’re going to be late if you don’t get a move on.” I lay there trying to get my slightly fuddled senses in order. Normally auntie has checked if I’m wet or not, but not this morning. She was drawing the blinds and letting in a rather grey looking morning. Gone was the sun that had been a feature of every day since I’d arrived and the clouds had gathered making the place appear very dull. Waking up like this, in my new bedroom, which wasn’t as bright or cheery as when I woke up in the nursery, left me feeling a little down. In fact, it took me longer than usual to motivate myself to get up but then my reflexes kicked in when I realised I was soaked. The sigh that left my throat unbidden attracted auntie’s attention. She saw the look of pained anguish on my face and rightly assumed what was wrong. “Doodle, don’t worry.” She was already coming over to hug and comfort me. “We can sort it out… no worries.” She knew I must have wet the bed but I was annoyed at trying to be a teenager without at least taking some precautions. “But auntie,” I sobbed, “I’ve ruined a new bed. I’m sowwy” The “sowwy” was unintentional but at that moment I felt like a silly little bedwetting kid, even though I’d done it hundreds of times, at that moment I felt I’d let auntie down. “Don’t worry sweetheart. There’s a waterproof cover over the mattress,” she let that info sink in. “So it’s only a few sheets and your PJs,” she smiled and ruffled my hair, “so no great disaster.” # I felt useless but auntie helped me up and out of bed, stripped it and me, then sent me off to shower. When I returned, auntie had changed and remade the bed and had my school protection ready. The changing mat and all the creams and powders were waiting so I just lay out and let her get on with it. “I suppose it’s back to the nursery for me?” I looked guiltily at her. “It’s up to you sweetheart. I think you have to try this room and give the nursery a miss for a while… but only if you want.” She smiled. “We can always wrap you up safely in here.” Her eyes darted around the room. “Perhaps a pull-up… or two… to begin with?” Her eyes raised to question if that would be acceptable. As she finished shuffling the plastic pants into place I nodded my agreement. “OK then, that’s what we’ll do. Come on, time’s running out and you’ll miss the school bus if you don’t get a move on.” # The first few weeks passed quickly although I was aware that it was a school enmeshed in a tense atmosphere. Unlike Rainbow and my English school, there were many cliques and divisions that appeared to flourish in such a huge and diverse environment. The school was the only High School in the region so had an enormous number of students, who were garnered from not only the town but all the smaller outlying areas. This produced a diversity of strange allegiances to various factions including; fashion, sport, clubs, family and rivalries between previous other schools. In the senior aspect of the school it was the ‘jocks’ that appeared to reign supreme. Unlike at the school in England, there was a lot of flaunting their success, no matter how local and parochial that success was. A great deal of fuss was made about even being on a team never mind if they actually won anything (which they hadn’t). I was amazed at the attitude of these people - their strutting and self-belief was, to my mind at least, undeserved and I couldn’t help but point that out to anyone who might listen to my view. Oliver suggested that, for the moment at least, as we were in an easily targeted age group (with absolutely no influence) I should curtail any negative opinions on the High School Broncos, or any of the other sports teams that infested the place. The football team were big and fearsome with apparently an absolute right to lord it over timid students, which was mainly everyone else. I hated to say it but the school in the UK just would not put up with such behaviour, where modesty in achievements was thought of in a positive manner. I remembered one of the ‘Old Boys’ from that school returning with an Olympic Gold medal, which we all (yes even me) were keen to touch. I’d never met a nicer, more unassuming man (in fact he must have only been a teenager) who had thanked and praised his peers, and school, for the encouragement they’d given him. Meanwhile… well… words failed me because I just couldn’t (without swearing) say what I thought of these unworthy, loud-mouthed bullies. # Meanwhile, at home I temporarily put the nursery ‘off limits’ on school days so my nights were spent in ‘my room’ wearing new PJs under which I wore a pair or two of pull-ups as a safety net (so to speak). A couple more times I flooded them and wet the bed but in general they seemed to work reasonably well. However, I did miss not having my slinky plastic pants on as stroking them before I dropped off both relaxed me, if I was feeling that way out, or made me hard, if my mind was working in a different direction. The thickness of the padding denying me access, which was frustrating but in a gloriously wonderful way, making the smooth outer coating seem all the more sensual. There is something quite special about certain vinyl pants. Some can be smooth, yet unyielding, thick and offer support but little comfort. However, some of the soft, opaque pants that I wore were so slinky and pliable that I sometimes couldn’t imagine not wearing them for the sheer emotional thrill their touch gave. I looked at myself many times in the mirror and was overjoyed to see the well-padded seat of my diaper enclosed in that smooth ductile material; the elastic legs gripping and holding everything tightly in place before I slipped on a pair of shorts or trousers. The thought of what I had on under those clothes had me in a constant state of secure pleasure. # Although my wetting at school was less than what I used to do at Rainbow, I still had some accidents. The principal was adamant that I’d not be allowed out of my protection until we’d seen the second psychologist and he’d had a report that I was ‘safe’ and in fairness, although I had no intention of messing all over the school, I still was having peeing problems. It was unfortunate that sometimes I got no warning of my bladder leaking until I was already in the process of flooding my diaper and of course by then any attempt to stop the flow was a useless act. On these occasions I’d visit Nurse Jefferson in the break and she would sort me out fairly promptly. Because it had become such a relaxed operation, and I was usually the only patient, it never occurred to me that others might use the facility. As I lay naked from the waist down an injured jock, straight from the playing fields, came bursting in holding a bloody rag to his equally bloody nose. He was a very big senior and I’m sure it was only because he’d been told to see the nurse that he hadn’t just carried on playing, blood or no blood. He saw this 9th Grader, me, lying out, buck naked and getting lotion rubbed into my hairless groin (I was still using the creams that auntie used in those first few days to prevent hair growth). He did a double-take as he saw the huge disposable being readied and the plastic pants waiting to be slipped up. It was as if all his prayers had been answered to make this journey to the nurse’s office worthwhile. He burst out laughing “Oh sorry nurse I didn’t know you were on baby-sitting duty.” He guffawed at his clever comment. “I’ll wait until his diapee is all snuggly-wuggly… I’m sure my bloody dripping nose can wait until after such an emergency.” “Now Kyle,” Nurse Jefferson responded. “I’ll only be a few more seconds so why not wait in the office and then I’ll see to you?” “Sure, sure.” He slowly backed out but not without taking in the final act of being taped into my disposable. “Get the kindergarteners sorted first… I’m sure nap time isn’t far off.” He was mumbling but making sure I heard every word. I was a bit embarrassed to say the least that my diaper change had been witnessed by one of the football fraternity and although I wished otherwise, I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the last I heard about it. # Nurse Jefferson didn’t seem to be worried, or even acknowledge the disruption and happily carried on making sure my protection was in place. As I left the room the huge bloody hulking frame of Kyle was waiting just outside the door. “Well aren’t you just precious,” He delivered his words with both sarcasm and venom. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing a great deal of my sweet little baby girlie…” He patted my padded bottom. “That’s thick, thick padding for a thick, thick baby. Oh yes… she’s just right to be a playmate.” His voice was a mocking and threatening growl. I was angry at his words and that he’d feminised me but at that precise moment I was just too humiliated to come back with a witty reply. His bulk was very intimidating and as he entered the room I’d just exited he blew me a kiss and smeared more blood on his already bloody face. As the door slammed shut I shivered, wondering what hell I could expect from then on. # To be continued Part 12 Auntie Joan had received confirmation that our appointment with Dr Jayne Barrows, another psychologist, would happen in four weeks. Why it had taken so long to arrange I wasn’t sure (I suppose it showed the mental health of the state) anyway, that meant that for the next month at least I would have to continue to wear my protection for school. The principal insisted that I was still checked every morning and that any changes (should I wet) would be supervised by the nurse on duty, I was not to be allowed to change myself. I assumed this was some fear the school had of being sued should I develop a rash (or something worse) whilst in their ‘care’. I didn’t mind, I was used to having others take charge of my diaper change and I quite liked the fuss that surrounded this particular action. # Auntie had made it into an art. The care and attention paid to each part of the process always left me wriggling in pleasure. I know at fourteen I should be over that but in truth, it was the one thing that held me completely under its spell. The clothing… the childish clothing… was all well and good but the consideration auntie gave to my wellbeing with each wipe of the cloth, each tender touch as she applied the creams and lotions, the gentle loving sprinkle of the baby powder over my genitals and bum, were the things that made it all so special. The final firm fitting of the diaper was all part of a bonding experience I particularly enjoyed and so… was in no hurry to forego. # From the start Auntie Joan had let me go at my own pace, though I hadn’t realised it at the time, and to make my own decisions. She knew what I wanted, what I needed, and let me, with her encouragement, find what worked. The few months I’d spent as a little kid in her charge had been a complete revelation. I began to see things in a completely different way. My anger decreased, my self-imposed exile from the rest of the human race was broken and I’m sure I’d grown in such a way that my mind had been recalibrated. If this was what being ‘born again’ felt like, no wonder religious people praised it so much. Now I wasn’t religious in the least but this ‘glow’ from within was undeniable and it did indeed feel like something very special had happened deep inside. For me, auntie was the best psychologist in the world, even if she didn’t have a bunch of diplomas and degrees after her name. She’d rebuilt a fairly damaged boy and given him a future that wasn’t on a path of anger, isolation and possible self-destruction. I now found I had options that I would never have considered only a few months back. The diapers, as a simple wetting precaution at first, had proved to be the catalyst for my regeneration and I owed that simple piece of clothing everything I did now… and perhaps would do in future. # I’d worried about Kyle, the Hulk (as I thought of him) and the pleasure he’d taken in seeing my juvenile and diapered status, I began to ponder how he would set about using this to his ends. At the time, and despite just being changed into a fresh and dry disposable, the confrontation in the nurse’s office had un-nerved me and I’d wet myself instantly. So, for the rest of the day I was walking around with a very bloated diaper between my legs and decided I’d just put up with the inconvenience rather than return to Nurse Jefferson. I certainly didn’t want to meet him or any of his team buddies in that state of wetness. I’d had few ‘run-ins’ with this type of person and wasn’t sure how to react. In England, if you felt threatened by anyone or anything at school, you simply discussed it with a senior or teacher (whoever you were more comfortable talking with) and the problem would be resolved. Over those first few weeks at High School I hadn’t detected that type of intervention. Intimidation seemed rife and it appeared it was up to the individual to sort it out, make themselves invisible or just put up with it, whatever that ‘it’ might be. I knew jocks were a closely bonded group and they would mindlessly support each other so expected ‘The Hulk’ wouldn’t be the only one I’d have dealings with in the coming days. # I discussed what had happened with Oliver. Like me he saw possible problems ahead but was of the firm belief that telling a teacher or the principal was not the way to proceed. Because of what I’d experienced in the UK I couldn’t believe that a principal, or anyone else in a responsible position, wouldn’t want to nip such intimidation in the bud. However, Oliver just told me to “Look around”. He was right to underline what I’d already established; it was going on everywhere, openly and with no interference from anyone. If you defended some poor picked on junior, pretty soon you also became the object for intimidation. So far Oli and I had flown ‘under the radar’ (Oli’s words) but we did notice that Yoosuf had to cope with a great deal of jealousy from various groups of boys. He was good-looking, dressed well, confident and, with his dark looks, had a mysterious air to him that many at the school found both scary and exciting. For many generations his family had been part of the ruling classes in the Middle East, now there were barbed comments and graffiti calling him a ‘terrorist’. He tried his best to laugh these excesses off but I could see that at times he was struggling. He was subject to quite a number of personal provocations from seniors and junior thugs alike. # Typical of Oliver he was well aware of what was going on and despite the fact he was no ‘hard case from the block’ he hovered in Yoosuf’s proximity in case he needed any kind of support. He still maintained that our small group of three newcomers should stick together and that we should support one and other. On more than one occasion I saw him deftly insert himself between Yoosuf and some adversary and gently, almost as if it wasn’t planned, ease Yoosuf away. For some reason Oliver didn’t attract a negative reaction. He was friendly with everyone and despite being quite clever, never flaunted his superior knowledge and abilities over others. I suppose it helped that he never looked afraid of anybody, no matter how big or threatening they might appear. His humour, quick and clever talk and incredible affability made him instantly likeable. Also, he held his ground so as a result was not pushed around or picked on. Those who crumbled became victims. Whereas, Yoosuf and I were obviously different – his Persian looks and my ‘English’ accent, Oliver just mixed in well with the locals. Even after a very short time he was already well-liked by his classmates and had new friends who sought his company. I think when he hung around with either Yoosuf or me it put some people off a little, although I was still socialising and interacting more than I’d ever done before. # The day after my encounter with the Hulk it started… and it started with a grope to my padded bottom. “She’s well diapered… but probably wet… so no doubt needs to be.” He was talking to a couple of his equally hulking mates when we passed in the hallway and as I was retrieving some books from my locker. “She’s the little baby I was telling you guys about…” The molestation was forceful and I ended up being pushed up against the lockers as he patted my bottom and continued his vulgar juvenile comments. “Hairless and diapered… just like my shitty baby sister.” Those around looked on wondering what all this was about. “Yes siree, she sure has a fine ass…” He continued his fondling of my diapered bum. His mates found this hilarious and were laughing as if he’d just told the funniest joke ever. “Perhaps she’ll show us her little diapee when she goes bye-byes… or our little baby here gets nursey to change her?” With one final swat I was left half crammed into my locker and feeling shocked at what had taken place and that I hadn’t had chance to respond. When I finally extricated myself he and his mates were already gone and there was a look of both pity and pleasure from the assorted group who’d witnessed the event. I looked around the assembled faces and saw that there wasn’t one of them who would have intervened on my behalf and I even saw a teacher, who obviously having witnessed what had taken place and seemed embarrassed that I’d noticed him looking on, quickly made himself scarce. # Other than in the boxing ring at school in the UK I don’t think I’d ever had to fight anyone. Especially after a few months at Rainbow I simply wasn’t equipped to combat aggression. In my head I thought I’d be fearless but in truth, I was shaking like a leaf. The other result of this altercation was that I’d severely wet my diaper but once again didn’t want to give him the satisfaction (whether he was aware of it or not) that’s how my bladder reacted to such confrontation. I could feel the very bloated disposable filling out my pants but would have to wait until break to do anything about it, for now I still had class. At break, instead of going to the nurse I went to the principal’s office to lodge a complaint about Kyle’s behaviour. I got the brush off with an “I’ll speak with him”. There was nothing more I could do and the principal seemed to want me out of his office as quickly as possible. Whether that was from being worried I’d poo all over the place or that he just didn’t want bothering with, to him, such trivial matters, I’m not sure but I was speedily dismissed. # However, once home and in a safe environment the more I thought about it I was sure I’d be able to cope. I was in two minds whether to let auntie know but she had been fretting since I’d gone to High School that something like this might happen so I decided I should mention it… I hated keeping secrets from her. “Well, my diapers are no longer a secret.” I announced with a shrug. “Oh Doodle I am sorry… hope it wasn’t too traumatic…” I shrugged again and told her exactly what had happened. As always she listened carefully and I could see various emotions passing over her face and began to wonder if I’d done the right thing in bringing it up. “Oh darling, that’s a terrible experience. Do you want me to speak with the principal?” “No auntie it’s… fine… I’m sure all kids have to go through this type of thing and, if The Hulk wants to use my diapers as ammunition,” I smiled at the idea of my diapers being used as ammo, “there’s going to be very little anyone can do about it.” “Well dear, keep me informed, I need to know what’s going on with my sweet Doodle.” She gave me a hug. “Besides, you have a legitimate reason for wearing them and I say… screw anyone who has a problem with that.” I was surprised at auntie’s use of such a word and it set us both off giggling like three year-olds. # Now I could see certain aspects of my life in perspective, the idea of anyone ridiculing me for wearing diapers was not going to gain any embarrassment at my expense. If needed I would let the entire school know I wore protection… and even more so… was not in the least bit troubled by that fact. So, if he, or anyone else, thought they could benefit from any attempt to humiliate me in front of others I would have to play things on my terms and not theirs. Alas, the whole team seemed to now be in on the ‘joke’. I hardly went anywhere without one of them patting my bum or pulling at the rear of my pants “Just checking baby’s still dry” and gleefully saying babyish things as they passed by. Of course, their actions meant that it was a signal for others to act the same way and before long I could hardly step in the hallway or move to a different classroom without a barrage of comments and assaults. The name ‘diaper boy’ followed me everywhere; unfortunately it was never said as if referring to a Super Hero. # What started out as ‘playful’ banter got turned up several notches after the Bronco’s worst defeat of the early season. It appeared that I was the person the wounded team could lash out at and those ‘playful’ thumps became much more painful and the attacks more humiliating. Despite my continuing complaints the principal just didn’t want to know and, although he’d had a word with Kyle, nothing changed apart from him getting more and more aggressive. This had a knock on effect because I was continually wetting myself and every time I went to the nurse’s office, one of the team seemed to be ready to ridicule me in front of her. Nurse Jefferson took absolutely no notice of them but there again, she just didn’t seem aware of the damage their actions were doing to me and so, resentment settled in and I stopped going to her. My diaper would be full and leaking by the end of the day, through natural causes and through my distressed bladder. # My impotent anger was building and although I asked auntie to make sure my diaper had extra padding each morning I wasn’t sleeping well at nights and would wake up in the same state as when I returned home – soaking and irritable. She was adamant about speaking to the principal but I begged her not to intervene as I desperately wanted to sort this problem out for myself. After one particularly aggressive de-panting that left me wearing little more than my drenched diaper and ripped plastic pants (and perhaps could have been a lot worse if Oliver and Yoosuf hadn’t come to my rescue) I was quite devastated. There were looks of derision and sympathy from those who witnessed the event but no one of any authority stepped in to stop it. As I stood in the main school hallway in an obviously soaked diaper anyone who didn’t know before were now left in no doubt that ‘weird English kid’ wears pissy diapers. My pants had disappeared with the football team and I had to scramble around trying to find something else to cover my shame. Some girls offered me a skirt, but whether this was out of kindness or a further opportunity to embarrass me I was in no mood to find out. Thankfully Oliver arrived with a pair of gym shorts that I gratefully pulled over my demonstrably swollen diaper. My anger had returned. That anger that had me thrown out of the boxing club back in the UK and the one I’d reserved for my ‘thoughtless’ parents was bubbling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t helped by the fist that had connected there earlier from one of Kyle’s goons and, as there wasn’t going to be any adult intervention, I was going to have to sort it out for myself. Somehow I didn’t think that a polite note, or even a confrontation of the principal by auntie, would produce results so I decided that this diaper-wearing little baby was going to seek revenge. # Throughout my time at Rainbow I’d never been angry. I’d had toys taken from me by other toddlers and felt occasionally petulant but these feelings passed surprisingly quickly as I’d immerse myself (with the help of the staff) in some other enthralling game. However, my Rainbow time was now definitely at an end and although I still wore protection to sleep in I was determined to be a clever fourteen year-old student and not a wimpy, fourteen year-old victim. As auntie changed me and got me ready for bed she could tell I had something on my mind. I wanted to discuss it with her but was afraid that she would try and talk me out of my course of action. I also didn’t want her worrying, but of course she would. I slipped a pair of baggy boxers over my night time diapers and crawled into bed determined not to let Kyle and his cronies continue to infect my dreams. Auntie waited a few extra seconds at my bedroom door. I knew she knew that I had things on my mind and hoped that I would share them but this time I needed to do it without her help. # My dream was not quite what I anticipated. Indeed, not a sign of Kyle and his gang appeared but a potted history of my time at 46 Glendew Lane rolled out before me. The first time I wet myself in public, the first time auntie suggested I return to diapers, the quick way I embraced the entire idea of a return to some kind of positive childhood… The dream continued and at every turn I saw how reliant on auntie I’d been, how I was determined to be her ‘best little boy’, why I had taken to diapers so easily and come to rely on them for comfort and safety. The dream was an endless procession of why I had become what I’d become and the love that had guided that entire journey. Auntie Joan. Towards the end of my dream things got a bit more confusing. A few figures from my past began to interrupt proceedings. The feeling of happiness was being disturbed by teachers and pupils I had known in the past and who, despite their best intentions of friendship, I had snubbed. A tangle of emotions, and as it turned out, anger at myself, was eating fiercely into my subconscious and draining any comfort I’d been experiencing up until the moment when I awoke with a start. I wasn’t in the nursery, I hadn’t actually slept in there for a couple of weeks, but, as I woke up I desperately needed all those comforting signs that I associated with ‘happiness’. At that moment my bedroom felt austere and unwelcoming. The blues, greys and blacks echoing my mood and I wanted sunshine, colour, cartoons and fluffy animals. I threw back the covers and discovered a different sensation, I was dry. I didn’t quite believe it as I hadn’t had a dry morning for some time. I slowly pulled down my boxers and tentatively ran my hand over the slick plastic cover, it definitely didn’t feel bloated. I slipped them down and was surprised to find that, although the diaper had bunched up a little, it was completely dry. Shocked, I unpinned it and set it on my desk before wandering to the bathroom to get ready for the day. # My spirits rose as I showered and I thought about not wearing protection to school. I knew that I had to be inspected but I thought about ignoring that particular instruction and not visiting the nurse before attending class. Back in my room I searched for a pair of boxers and decided not to even wear a pair of pull-ups under them. When auntie came in and saw me wearing underwear and not protection I could see from her look she didn’t think it was a wise move. “I want to try a day without protection.” I was both explaining my stance and appealing for auntie’s understanding. “OK Doodle… but you know that Mr Thomson has already said you need to be protected…” “Yes, but, er, I don’t intend to see Nurse Jefferson, er, or the principal, I’ll just go straight to class.” She raised her eyebrows and left the final decision to me. # Half way through the first period of English I was summoned to the principal’s office. “Court.” Mr Thomson looked fatigued and annoyed. “Yes sir.” I maintained my composure and politeness. “Did you see the nurse this morning… as per my instructions?” “No sir.” “Why not?” “Because sir, I’m fed up with being treated as a child and it’s affecting…” “So,” he interrupted my flow and I could see he was heading towards a showdown “you have decided, unbidden by me, to take the rules I have set down and what, just ignore them?” “My wearing diapers to class sir has resulted in bullying and…” “Tell me Mr Court why you were wearing diapers in the first place.” He had me and he knew it. Reluctantly I had to give him the answer he already knew. “Because I occasionally wet myself sir.” It was a reply without the bravado I would have liked. “Wet… and MORE,” He emphasised the more. “And do you no longer wet yourself Mr Court?” “Erm, er, not as much… er, “ This was a complete lie because since Kyle and his chums had adopted me as their punch bag I’d been wetting constantly. “Well let me tell you Mr Court, I get complaints in here every day about you smelling of urine…” This took the wind out of my sails. He watched as my face flushed, it was something I hadn’t noticed but obviously others had. “… but I knew that was something you couldn’t help because of your ‘problem’ and you were doing your best, by wearing protection, to limit such a dilemma.” He explained as if he was defending my predicament. My argument about being bullied had just flown out the window as I tried to think of why I never thought about the smell of my wet diapers. My eyes were searching his carpet for some escape. I wasn’t expecting this and I felt stupid, inferior and at a huge disadvantage. I shuffled my feet. I’m sure he could recognise my uncertainty but firmly laid down his rules once more. “Now you have a choice. Go to the nurse immediately and get yourself appropriately protected or go home and explain to your aunt why I will not allow you back into my school.” I certainly didn’t want to alarm auntie, besides she had more or less inferred this might happen so I didn’t see I had an alternative. “Yes sir.” I whispered. “Yes sir what?” He wanted me to spell out his instructions. “I’ll go to the nurse sir”. “And?” He was determined I should know who was in charge. “I will not come to school again without the appropriate protection.” “Now get out and don’t waste my time… again.” He was obviously referring to my other complaints as well. I was in no position to protest against that comment so just had to accept his decision. “If I don’t hear from Nurse Jefferson every morning you will not be allowed to enter this school again. Do you understand?” I nodded. “Sir”. As I left his office I felt the tears and my crushed rebellion fill my heart like a dead weight and grudgingly made my way to the nurse. # Nurse Jefferson was just finishing on the phone when I knocked on her door. She had a look of disdain that is normally kept for silly little kids who should know better but still do something stupid. “Well young man.” I was expecting a lecture about my non-attendance but she just pointed towards the changing bench and told me to take off my pants and boxers. Thankfully I’d remained dry all the way through the principal’s speech and had managed to visit the toilet before I arrived at the nurse’s office. I was hopeful I’d remain dry for the rest of the day. “Last week Miss Marsden left some things for you, just in case of emergencies but I am under strict instructions from Principal Thomson to make sure you are well padded, leak-proof and… smell like a daisy.” I’m not sure if “smell like a daisy” were his words but I got the meaning that the thin plastic pants auntie had left with the nurse were going to be changed for the thicker, more robust rubber pair she was holding. # After all the preliminaries she fitted me in a very generous and extra padded disposable before adding the super smooth but inflexible rubber pants, it felt like I’d been concreted into my protection. I’d like to say it was a comforting sensation but it wasn’t, the elastic cuff held the top of my thighs tightly and irritated me because they were old and worn. Some of the rubber was slightly cracked so it nipped at my bare skin when she made sure none of my diaper showed past the seal. The waistband was equally tight and despite the white rubber being very glossy the durable material creaked with even the slightest movement. I sounded like I needed oiling. As I stood up but before I’d been able to put my pants on the principal’s secretary walked in unannounced and gave me a letter with the instruction that I had to deliver it to auntie. As she left the door was wide open and it was just my luck that a couple of seniors were there for some reason and saw my newly diapered state. Despite my protests Nurse Jefferson didn’t seem in a hurry to close it, whilst insisting I put my pants on and return to class immediately. You can probably guess the names I was subjected to as I eventually left her office. So, although I’d intended not to be embarrassed by wearing diapers, the fact was, at that moment I was extremely self-conscious and ashamed. I think a great part of that shame was because I knew I’d brought this on myself by refusing to wear my diaper as instructed that morning. The nurse’s attitude had been correct, I had been a silly little kid who should know better but still did something stupid. # Walking at normal speed produced a very obvious rustling sound but slowing down made it look like I’d had some kind of accident as my legs were slightly bowed by the thick padding. I was awkward and I’d never felt that my protection looked so noticeable before. I was uncomfortable so it may have been that I was just too aware of what I was wearing but I noticed that Oliver’s mates suddenly found better things to do when I appeared on the scene. Oliver was very supportive as expected and even tried to make a joke about my ‘special containment’ (as he referred to it). Unfortunately, everyone else, and not just the football team, decided that I was now total fair game and I received a barrage of comments and abuse. Even though the nurse had covered me in baby powder and “sweet smelling oil” (Nurse Jefferson’s words), quite a few people either could, or pretended, that they could smell pee… my pee and poop. Now everyone knew about my diapers I wished they didn’t. # To be continued… Part 13 The note I delivered to auntie from Principal Thomson was a demand that she would make sure I didn’t arrive at school without protection. He was now stipulating that I also wear thicker and more ‘odour neutralising’ diapers, plus thicker and more robust rubber pants to ensure that nothing (urine or smell) leaked out. There was also the added threat that should this not be complied with he would have no alternative but to ban me from school property. My act of rebellion had really rebounded back on me and I was forced to go to school wearing a much more noticeable diaper regime than ever before. With the appointment at the psychiatrist rapidly approaching auntie thought it best to submit to the principal’s demands (although really we had no choice). She desperately wanted to have words with him but I begged her against a confrontation. She was well aware of what I was being subjected to at school on an almost daily basis but I told her it was nothing more than what half the school had to put up with all the time… it was just the way High School operated. I’m sure this action by Mr Thomson wasn’t a callous way of putting me in my place but the result was that this previously reasonably confident fourteen year-old student was transformed in to an embarrassed waddling fourteen year-old baby. Any self-assurance I had about wearing my protection before had been turned into something else now I had to carry a heavy and noisy display of palpable fortification around my crotch. It had all been so different at Rainbow. There it hadn’t mattered how big the diaper was, or who knew, or who was wearing what… you simply got on having fun. Here at High School it was an excuse for a different kind of ‘fun’ - the verbal and physical assaults were constant. # Something I couldn’t explain also happened at this time. Although I was well diapered for school, at night I only wore a pull-up as protection for bed and I was waking up dry. In fact, for seven days in a row I woke up to a dry pull-up yet had no idea why. Perhaps I was peeing so much at school from stress and heavily enforced protection that I just didn’t have anything left whilst I slept. Whatever the reason it was welcome. On the weekend I thought I’d try sleeping without pull-ups. It was a strange feeling not having any thickness between my legs but I was happy that my PJs didn’t display a dark wet patch in the morning. Things were changing gradually and naturally although I can honestly say I wasn’t aware of the transition. My visits across the landing to the nursery had decreased except when auntie occasionally got me prepared for school there instead of my bedroom, which had become the main place for me to sleep or spend any time. However, whenever I went into that colourful room I still got that same wonderful feeling in my stomach. It was like… it was like when I used to do cross country running in the UK. You know, after you’ve finished a particularly long and demanding bit of exercise, that moment when you slump down aching and exhausted relieved it’s all over. But soon that fatigue passes and a sense of achievement takes over so you’re pleased you’ve done what you’ve done and a touch of euphoria fills the body making everything worthwhile. It’s that kind of ecstasy I get on each visit. Perhaps that’s only a good explanation to me. Even though I wasn’t using the childish content of the nursery as often, I was still glad it was there. Auntie had returned the crib from her room so it looked even more ready for a group of kiddies to occupy at any moment. I knew my childish clothes hung in the closet, I knew the pile of diapers had all been used by me at some point over the last few months. I loved the smell of the powders and creams that were suspended in the atmosphere of this wonderful place. The array of patterned and cute plastic pants on view still lifted my spirits each time I saw them. A spark of excitement rippled across my nerve endings when I ran my fingers over their glossy surface - that vinyl charge was highly bewitching. # The confidence that Rainbow gave me was now hanging heavy between my legs. Bulk was the order of the day and when Nurse Jefferson changed me – I didn’t like the idea of smelling of pee all day – she made sure everything would be absorbed by the super extra padding she slipped into my new, thicker disposable. I know she had been told exactly what to do by the principal but I’d often leave her office hardly able to waddle back to class. Any progress was slow and noisy drawing more attention to my circumstances so a barrage of ‘witty’ comments followed my every step. I was mentally beaten. I’d tried my best to withstand the daily torment but the bravado I started out with had diminished so that I was even being picked on by the juniors who saw me as an easy target. I may have hated it at the time but the private school (uniform and all) back in the UK wasn’t so bad after all. Oliver noticed my retreat because I didn’t even try to find his company, instead I’d try and hide away as much as I could. He wasn’t having any of it and tried to get me to respond to the non-stop taunts with clever comebacks or witty responses, neither of which I felt able to do. The anger that in the past I’d been able to summon up to repel people and their ‘personalities’ had been chipped away leaving me a pathetic version of myself. There were moments when I thought it’s what I deserved. Why would a diaper-wearing pants-wetter warrant any better treatment? # With only a day to go before auntie and I had to meet up with the psychiatrist things at school took a turn. Kyle and his gang had taken a back seat as they saw everyone else piling into me. Of course it didn’t stop them but they were happy that my life was being made a misery in general so didn’t seek me out for torment, although nasty things happened when our paths did eventually cross. It was obviously something that he and his bunch of goons had been planning for some time and at lunchtime, in the big hallway where everyone was loitering before going to the canteen, Kyle struck. Armed with a bunch of nettles and holly leaves he rammed me up against the lockers and as his two friends held my arms so I couldn’t fight back, he pulled down my baggy pants, yanked at the thick plastic covering and grabbed the back of my diaper. With a fearful grip he pulled them back to reveal my naked bottom and shoved the nettles between my skin and the material. Then he groped around the front and proceeded to do the same to my naked genitals. All the time he was mocking my manhood, calling me a girlie and little baby, saying how much nicer my diaper would feel once I was sat down or crawling around. His mates let me go and he pushed me to the ground, all the time laughing and taunting me. The majority of those watching were engrossed but still offering no help. I couldn’t see Oli or Yoosuf anywhere and all dignity left me as I felt the sting of the nettles piercing my soft flesh. “Crawl for dada.” It was not a cute expression; though his voice was filled with undisguised hate. He was certainly enjoying my discomfort and inability to do anything about it. He saw me as a defeated little baby who wet and pooped itself and shouldn’t really be in the same school as a man such as he. He mocked my screams and tears as I sat wearing just my thick and now even thicker, torturing diaper. I was utterly defeated and could only cry as he and his cronies laughed at my dejection. No one came to my aid but as a final act he lifted my face and looked straight into my eyes. “You’re just a piece of shit,” his words were whispered but clear. “A fucking useless little baby who thinks she’s somebody but isn’t.” I could feel his anger through his eyes and I trembled and wet myself at the same time. I didn’t know where this was going to end and as no teacher seemed to be coming to my defence I knew he could do anything he wanted without penalty… and he knew it too. “Get back to fucking England… we don’t want a piece of effeminate crap like you around this place.” I had no idea where all this venom was coming from or why he’d singled me out but as he hissed out his disgust at me he was pushing down on my genitals making sure the nettles did their work. Finally he let go laughing as if he’d just completed the best prank ever. His mates and he were high-fiving each other as they sauntered away deliriously happy with what they’d achieved. I was stinging and hurting and wet and… and… angry. As I slowly pulled myself up the reference to England had reawakened something which I’d been keeping locked away. The stinging nettles were somehow banished as an even greater sensation took control and, though only wearing a diaper, I launched myself down the hallway towards the posse of bullies. # Dr Jayne Barrows was a very affable woman. She was perhaps a shade younger than auntie but had a warmth and smile that radiated trust and, above everything else, competence. Both auntie and I were settled together on a white leather sofa and the doctor was sitting in an easy chair opposite. Auntie had done her own research online and knew a bit about Ms Barrows, there appeared to be some kind of mutual respect because the doctor seemed to know all about The Rainbow Rooms Nursery. This time I desperately didn’t want my diaper to be a distraction so I was wearing normal underwear and normal clothes. No matter what happened I was determined that I wouldn’t do anything ‘silly’ and that if I needed to pee I would seek out a bathroom somewhere. I wasn’t very comfortable, though auntie had done her best to put me at ease, suggesting that perhaps a pull-up might be advantageous under my boxers. No, I wanted to do this differently from the last time we visited a shrink and besides, I think I had more to worry about than just possibly wetting myself. After a few minutes of general chat the doctor got down to the business in hand. “So Dean, why did you try to suffocate Kyle Connersby?” # The anger that gripped me was like nothing else I had ever experienced. Even the time when I was banned from the boxing ring didn’t come close to what was seething in my head and my mind was only focused on one thing – revenge. The speed that I attained as I ran down the hallway towards my victim was surprisingly fast considering I had a huge and full diaper to contend with but at that point the three were still unaware of my speedy approach. A shriek of warning came too late as I pulled back my right leg and with all the force I could muster, together with my hurtling forward momentum, I kicked out at the back of Kyle’s knee. He’d turned slightly when he heard the belated alert as my deployed rigid leg made contact and a satisfying yelp of pain followed an even more satisfying ‘crunch’. The shock was obvious and the pain even more so as he rolled forward screaming in agony holding his injured leg. But as I got to my feet Smithy (one of his posse) was already advancing on me with a fist ready to knock my brains out. Whatever adrenalin was coursing through my body had made me quick-witted and I was able to parry his punch. As he stumbled forward to lash out once more I succeeded in using my elbow to deliver a stinging blow to his nose that made the big man stagger back in hurt surprise. Wilko Wilkinson, his other goon, was a bit slower but had eventually managed to get his thoughts together and, seeing his team mate down and injured, launched himself at me. At that precise second Oliver inserted himself between him and me and his flailing hands managed to get caught up in the straps of Oli’s backpack, which he just happened to be holding up at that moment. Wilko’s hands were quickly entangled so Oli shoved the bag back sending the angry but confused footballer flying to the floor. It was followed through with a surreptitious knee to the groin and the warning not to get up again if he didn’t want something worse. By then he had been surrounded by other unhappy kids baying for blood. I was unaware of this and only pieced it together from what I was told later. # Now I knew boys from this particular sport were not afraid of pain but the fact that a junior had perpetrated this assault I think had not only surprised them but un-nerved them a little. Yoosuf was making sure that Smithy didn’t get up anytime soon and Oli had miraculously neutralised Wilko. Some who surrounded the fallen teammates saw this as an opportunity to assert themselves and angrily lashed out. Where there had been a deathly hush in the hallway all hell had now broke loose not least of all as Kyle lay screaming out for assistance and holding his battered (and possibly broken) leg. Through his scrunched up and tearful face I saw the hate in his eyes as he yelled how I’d pay for what had happened but I just pulled down my full diaper and walked over to the prone and angry senior. “Here,” I shouted over his groans of pain, “you’ve been obsessed by my diaper you may as well have it.” I threw it into his face, nettles and all. I followed through, launching myself bodily (and naked) across the space between us, winding him as I landed heavily on his chest. “You’ve been desperate to get into my pants since I arrived at this awful place well, this is what’s in them, they’re yours now.” I spread the soaked contents into his face forcing it into his mouth as he tried to regain his breath, rubbing delightedly as I heard him choking on the contents. It was at this moment that a teacher intervened and hauled me off the stricken star footballer. I stood naked, hairless and unapologetic as I shook the teacher’s hands off and turned to see who it was. Yes, the one who’d made himself scarce when I was being assaulted all those months back. The look of utter contempt I gave him was withering and for a moment he was a little afraid of what might happen next. Meanwhile, I noticed all the camera phones (that were forbidden on school property) were out and filming the proceedings so, before the authorities could do anything about what had taken place, those images were already out in the public domain… they trended rapidly. ‘Bully gets diapered’ ‘Suck on this’ ‘Football captain gets retrained’ Some of the headlines on social media were disgusting but the outcome was the same… I was immediately suspended. # The weather in Kansas had only changed slightly from being very hot to being hot. However, as we sat in Doctor Barrow’s office the clouds were gathering and promised a deluge. I didn’t know if this was some kind of prediction, though I wouldn’t have been surprised. She had informed auntie not to interrupt whilst I told my side of the story and I nervously fidgeted wondering just what my fate was going to be. After the event at school, and I’d been unceremoniously marched naked to the principal’s office, I sat waiting for the furore that seemed to have blown up to die down. An ambulance arrived to transfer Kyle to hospital, whilst Nurse Jefferson had her work cut out tending to the wounds of Wilko and Smithy, not all of which had been inflicted by me. In fact I’d heard that one or two other bullies had been attacked by groups of fed-up kids inspired by my actions. Again, I had no proof of that it was only something Oliver mentioned when he returned some of my ripped clothes as I waited. The principal’s secretary had ushered my friend away pretty quickly, I’m sure she was worried that we might be plotting something else. However, though I had my pants and jumper back, I felt good being naked so despite the secretary asking me to cover up I remained that way. I could hear her on the phone summoning auntie and calling one or two other families, although I wasn’t sure exactly who. A couple of teacher’s looked in with faces creased in anger and amazement, whilst the football coach screamed abuse at me for injuring his star player and threatening all manner of reprisals. I looked at him in total derision not allowing his bullying tactics to work on me. However, I kept my counsel and sat quietly not believing what had just happened. # When things had died down a little but before auntie arrived, the principal rushed past into his office and told me to get dressed. I took no notice of him, for some reason I thought being naked was more of a statement than being clothed. When he saw that I wasn’t doing what he said he summoned the nurse to bring diapers and fit them before he would speak to me. For the first time since I’d met her Nurse Jefferson seemed ill at ease around me. She came armed with disposables and padding but was nervous about putting them on. As she approached I looked her right in the eye and said “NO”, perhaps more forcefully than I’d intended. The result was she shuffled back out of the office as auntie arrived. Having nodded to me on the way through, and told to put some pants on at least, she breezed into the Mr Thomson’s office, brushing aside his secretary and launched into a damning indictment of his leadership at the school. Auntie very rarely raises her voice but she wasn’t going to allow the principal to shout her down on this one. She knew all that had previously happened because I’d told her of my run-ins with the bullies. However, she didn’t know that my actions had sent a senior to hospital so that came as a bit of a surprise. Still, even with this news she continued to harangue the principal and the culture of victimization he’d appeared to foster. # When she came out she was obviously very angry but then again, so was Mr Thomas. She saw the nurse hanging by the door with a thick disposable in her hand and looked at me, I was still naked, and she asked if I needed a diaper. Surprisingly, after all that had happened, I hadn’t wet myself so shook my head. “Thank you Nurse Jefferson but I don’t think we’ll need your services today.” Auntie was polite. Her look of unease drifted into a thankful half-smile as she made her exit. “Put some pants on Dale, you’re not impressing anyone showing off your genitals.” It was a defining moment. Auntie was having a joke at my expense and we giggled together as I slipped on my pants and struggled into the jumper. Once I’d finished this operation she hugged me tightly and ran her hand through my short hair and said it was time to go home. “What did he say?” I enquired as we walked through the now empty hallways. “Well, you’re suspended and I’m banned from ever setting foot in his school again.” “But, but… didn’t he summon you?” “Yes, well, he’s a little upset at the moment. Apparently there’s a big game coming up this weekend and they’ve lost their star player… someone has nobbled him.” I wasn’t sure if auntie wasn’t taking this all too lightly, especially when she added. “I think their opponents might well be sending you a gift basket.” # Dr Jayne Barrows sat stoically taking in my side of the story, occasionally writing something down on her pad but generally just listening. I was surprised just how much I opened up but I think my actions had been so severe I needed to make a case for doing what I did. I was glad auntie was there because I felt safe when she was around. Of course, the incident wasn’t the only thing she wanted to know about and once again I found myself reliving my childhood (or lack of it). “…and just how did that make you feel ?” Which appeared to be the standard response to anything I said, so, I had to explain my various bursts of anger, reclusiveness and… denial. However, after the previous psychiatrist I didn’t want to make matters worse and continued to explain my feelings and thoughts. My anger at my parents, their stupid death (which I now realised wasn’t just the result of some arbitrary bomb but that they had been targeted because of the government job they did). # At the time the powers in Washington had laid it on pretty thick that my parents had been the innocent victims of a terrorist attack. They had been on vacation and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, through what auntie had told me and the number of high ranking people at their funeral I could now make a slightly different judgement about what exactly happened. Something else that auntie had recently told me was that, via an intermediary, the ‘White House’ had offered to send me to one of the most prestigious private schools in Washington to complete my education. This had been raised at the time of the funeral but my hate for the British private school and auntie’s dislike of privilege made the offer a none-starter. However, auntie had disclosed this piece of information because of the bullying and in case I wanted a way out. The fact it would mean me leaving her, something I couldn’t even contemplate, sent me once again into a bit of a panic wondering if they could just send me away without her approval. She said as my legal guardian nothing could or would be done without her say so, and more importantly, that any decision made would be down to me. She wanted to give options. # Dr Barrows was already well briefed and knew exactly the right questions to get me going. There were times when I held auntie’s hand, cried into her shoulder as she held me so as to ease the pain. She was my strength and comfort and I loved her all the more for the emotional ride I was on and her constant unquestioning support. At times I missed not having my diaper wrapped snugly around me as I delved into some poignant aspect of my life. There were times when I had to hold back the flow that I could feel building as I also built to some revelation or other. I excused myself a couple of time, desperate to use the bathroom and not wet the front of my khaki pants. Then, as I zipped up glad I’d managed such a little part of my life I also realising I was missing something I enjoyed… my diaper. It made me wonder if, after this process was complete, would I be missing much of what I’d come now to enjoy. The principal thought I needed to expunge those ‘angry demons’ but I wondered – at what cost? Fortunately, Dr Barrows seemed to understand where auntie was coming from with her initial course of action to give me a loving home where I could experience some kind of childhood. She appeared to understand my anger and my belief that I was better off without other people. I saw on her face there was an empathy I wasn’t expecting. She thought my wetting from an early age had been symptomatic of so much stress, self -imposed or otherwise that it bubbled (we chuckled at this use of the word for some reason) to the fore at moments of inner psychological anxiety. There may have been no obvious reason for it but deep within, there was a problem and urination was the outward expression of it, a ‘safety valve’ was the way Ms Barrows described it. # Of course I am paraphrasing the doctor’s report because she was also damning about the culture at High School that allowed such a situation to arise. No one came out of it with any credit; well, that is, apart from auntie. Her part in my life had definitely been for the better and I was glad that she was recognised for it. However, as no local school would take me as a pupil I had to rethink the offer about going to Washington. Auntie put in a call and found a school, perhaps not so well thought of, but a private school nonetheless, in the state. With ‘Washington’ picking up the bill and letters from some very important people qualifying my entrance to that establishment; I started mid-term at a new boarding school. # The court case High School and the Connersby’s attempted to bring regarding the assault was dropped because of a counter claim my high-powered Washington legal team threatened to retaliate with. They pointed out that once they’d finished with the publicity and media coverage about how a school senior tormented and tortured a 9th grader who, incidentally, had just lost his parents under extremely tragic circumstances, Kyle would be lucky if he got accepted into any sports programme or institute of further education. Seeing how they were out-gunned, and that I’d no longer be a student at the same place as he was, they felt it in everyone’s interest to forget the entire thing. # The new school was different to the one in the UK. It was less bound by its centuries of tradition, being only in existence for around fifty years, and appeared more involved in students expressing themselves in a myriad of technical and social ways. Even though I was a boarder, I never felt the constraints or unhappiness I’d experienced in the UK.I wasn’t the most sociable person around but at least I’d learned to mix with others now. I also didn’t mind the uniform, which was smart without being over-the-top and I felt much more at ease and able to fit in more. I knew I could now re-invent myself, well, in truth; the kids at Rainbow had made sure I could do that. I’d found a friend in Oliver and realised I liked having a friend and went out of my way to see if I could make more. Also, and probably most importantly, I was relaxed about it all. I think this was because I knew auntie was relatively nearby. I was boarding only about two hundred miles away so… she was a loving beacon for me to go to if I needed her and she continued to be my motivation for everything I did or wanted to do. I hadn’t wanted to leave her but auntie being auntie she saw this as a terrific opportunity and convinced me it was one I’d regret if I didn’t at least try it. However, I did miss Oliver and Yoosuf but we kept in touch via social media so it wasn’t too bad. Oliver had been voted leader of the student body under the new regime that the authorities had brought in after Principal Thomson was fired. The school was changing although I wasn’t going to be there to enjoy that positive action. I never took my desire for diapers to the new school. I’d miss them but found I was a lot more involved in other activities to give them much thought whilst there. The other thing was - I no longer wet. Thankfully, I returned home as often as I could, even some weekends and head for my favourite place. After stripping out of my teenage gear in my room, I’d then move over to the nursery and wait for auntie to come change and dress me as she knew I wanted. A weekend in a thick diaper and kiddie clothes always had us both giggling in pleasure as well as it setting me up for what lay ahead. It also made attending school as a teenager more bearable and the link with my loving auntie… unbreakable. #### The End

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