Cloth Diapers & Panties

My advice with untraining is: relax!  Literally, and figuratively.  It's a process, and you're breaking years of training where your brain thinks: pee goes in the toilet. I made the mistake of thinking the goal was to pee without thinking about, so I would wait until I couldn't hold it.  In reality, I wanted to pee without thinking about it.   What worked for me was: pee every 10 (or 15 minutes).   Obviously, you have to be well hydrated, and you won't pee much.  You might not get a drop all the time, but try to.  When you pee, even if it's just a squirt, feel good about yourself. After awhile, you have to think about. You're brain thinks: pee goes in a diaper, so that's what you do.  At least that has been my experience.

“Why, sweetheart? We are a family though and need some rime spent together, and not always here, at home,” Annie protested and realized what the reason was, “don’t worry about your diaper. It won’t be visible under your clothing.” “We can lit a campfire and grill there,” Fred added.

Well well i just got suprized for staying up until midnight. Good news for ya. Bambino diapers is BACK!

Hey everyone! Sorry it took me a little bit to pop this last chapter out. Beyond just the length and wanting to write this chapter just right, or as close as I felt I could get to it, I just started a new grown-up job, and it’s taken away a little bit more of my time than I was originally anticipating. It’s so much better than my last one, and it feels like it could represent a turn in the very difficult year it’s been so far… but it could also mean less time to write in the future unfortunately. There’s lots I could say about this site but regardless, my confusion about my recent stories still lingers. I feel like a lot of the people who have previously commented or liked my stories I haven’t seen in a while and maybe this place is just a new audience… possible after over three years here. I’ve also heard some rumblings about a potential decline in the support and readership here in recent years, but I won’t elaborate on what are only rumors to me right now. Regardless of the cause though, it’s hard for me to ignore when a story like this is maybe getting 300 views and three likes per chapter when I used to get 1000+ and 15+ likes per chapter on average by the end of most of my stories. It’s not all about those types of numbers… but it gives me pause at the very least when I’m reflecting at the end here and all. And so, between this and my new position, however, I think it is in my best interest and yours as far as the quality of my writing goes based on the amount of effort I can spare for something like this, that I take a step back in the near future here. I will still monitor this site if anyone ever has any questions or comments for me or any of my stories, but I am going to take an extended break longer than I initially had anticipated. Originally, I was going to write a story for Halloween. It was probably going to be something short that I could knock out in only a couple weeks, and I think you all would have loved it, but in the interest of this change, I have decided to shelve this project for the future or just end up posting it elsewhere. As such, however, I anticipate that I won’t be back and post another story on here until, at the very least, mid to late November at some point. For what that story will be though, and without a poll, it’s still up in the air for the particular details. I want to do a little research on this site and see what the general audience of you all seem to enjoy the most first. I have other areas I can write and post in for some of my more personal projects, so I’m thinking I can use this site more for what is best for everyone instead. I have dozens of stories to choose from for what could be next here, so I don’t think this will be a challenge. All that said, even beyond anything completely new, I know that I still have my numerous other stories to at least finish out the trilogies or story threads that I’ve already started on here. For example, ending the Tell Me More, the Con, or the Stuffy’s Tale (regarding FOY) series. So, rest assured that even with all this, I will be at least posting on here for the next year or so. I also just want to take the time, especially with everything I just said, to thank all of you who have been supporting and reading along in this story. I think I’m a classic writer sometimes and naturally have massive doubts as to the quality or even how good any of my own writing is. I like what I write… but I’m also cognizant of that fact that I also liked what I wrote back in Middle School… doesn’t make it any good. As such, it’s always nice to see your likes, readership, comments and support on here. So, from the bottom of my writer’s soul to the tips of my fast-typing fingers, thank you. Now… last but not least and as usual, I hope everyone enjoys this final chapter of my story! Chapter 20: My Monster… My Home My eyes fluttered open by just a crack under the intense lights overhead. I could feel the thumping of my heartbeat within my own chest. I was strapped down… I knew that but everything else was dark… blurry… far away. ‘God… am I dead?’ But there were voices. Nothing angelic or demonic. No, just the panicked dulled tones of people running around and freaking out. Listening in, I could hear some were angry and some were more nervous. Hearing the words ‘Fred,’ ‘Eric,’ ‘problem,’ and even my own name all in the same context told me to keep my eyes shut and stay as still as possible. Granted, I didn’t have much experience with this whole thing, but I would bet more than anything that angry or even just plainly nervous people might not treat you the best or with the calmest mind… especially if their introduction follows the reveal that the monsters in this area are fake and a gassing and kidnapping to an as of yet undisclosed location. So, already tired and exhausted without faking it, I soon slipped back into a deep sleep. A risk, yes, but I just hoped when I woke up, calmer heads would prevail. *              *              * Waking up the second time, I could already feel a difference. Before, everything felt like I was looking at it through a mental and physical fog all around me. My once numb fingers and limbs easily flexed… or at least as much as they could being strapped down like I was. Curiously though, they were all padded and decorated with motifs of bunnies, deer, and other woodland creatures. Looking around I was isolated and strapped down, but the space also wasn’t the lab or the clean interrogation room I thought I would awake in. Instead, it was a mostly clean and plain white room with the occasional splash of powder blue and yellow. In a way, it felt calming… non-threatening. I silently and momentarily wondered if I had dreamed of being taken away. But the far door to the room slid open with an audible hiss. There, standing as tall and authoritative as ever, was Mrs. Claw. She seemed to scan me like some alien creature looking at their prey to be dissected… or maybe that was just my imagination. Strapped down and all like I was, even if I could see a smiling bunny on them, I didn’t exactly feel free and safe right then. “So… Miles. Two escape attempts, inclusion in ACTS, the attacking of two monsters at least… you’ve made quite the name for yourself around here,” she spoke, her words cold and calculating as if she was more reading off a list than speaking directly to me. She then seemed to be waiting for me to speak, but I wouldn’t give her that satisfaction. This was a waiting game, and with my limited leverage against her, I knew I had to win. The head of Camp Commune glared at me, and finally… broke first. “Fine. Be the quiet fool around here. But you will tell me and you will tell me now… what do you remember last?” This was something I could answer, but even then, I knew I had to play my cards right. If half of what I expected was true, I was dealing with a deplorable group that had little compunction lying and harming ARs just like me. So… I decided to keep my previous conscious state hidden. “Not much,” I replied telling a sort of half-truth. I knew big stuff… but not the little things like how I even ended up here… or where here even was. “There was the monster… we defeated it. Then… smoke… then blackness.” Mrs. Claw seemed to flash a small but satisfied smirk. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad given my current circumstances, but I wasn’t sure still her and in one piece. “I see…” My worry finally started to seep out of my hardened outer shell. And so, as soon as I saw her drop her guard even a little, I lashed out, desperate to know what happened to my friends. “Please, Mrs. Claw. Where is Eric… Fred? Where are they?” She gave me a knowing smirk, but I couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or a bad one. “They are here. But they are being kept separately… For now.” ‘For now? What the heck does that mean?’ My mind frantically raced to discern any clues my eyes could see, but to my chagrin, I couldn’t figure out anything. If Mrs. Claws knew something, she had less emotion than a stone, cold statue. But I guess she could read me like a book. “I’ll tell you what…” she said with a sickening smile, “you are different than the others. You are smart and you know when to talk, but you also know when to ask questions or when to stop.” She paused. “I’ll make you this once in a lifetime deal. Join us here in the commune as you are now but never speak of what you saw or what you made me know ever again as long as you live.” She waited for me for about a minute until she stepped forward and extended her hand out to me. “Do we have a deal?” I looked at her hand as a sign of good faith and to seal the deal, but I couldn’t help but see it as a clawed Talon ready to ensnare me. I looked at her with discussed and distrust that I had come to know to put forward here. “And just why would I take that deal exactly?” I have never really faced Mrs. Claws one on one before. Sure, there were times when I had been called to her office or she had come for a surprise inspection of the cabin of wherever I was at the time, but never face-to-face. So, when she looked at me with an expression that I had never really seen before, I couldn’t quite place it. At first, I thought it was maybe her scheming against me. But the raise of the eyebrow and the slight smirk around her lips, it seemed more like one of curiosity, as if one was to see a new species of butterfly in the wild. “That’s a valid question, Miles. You deserve that answer, and I can give it to you, but I have a question of my own…” She paused, her eyes narrowing in on me with a strange softness still present behind them. “Why would you reject Emma?” “What?” I had anticipated dozens of responses back from the head of the camp… but not that. “It’s simple really,” she explained. “We do extensive reporting on all of you. We don’t just assign you to a random commune member. You all are chosen based on personalities and if there’s ever a conflict, it then comes down to Merritt and then a drawing of sorts.” She paused, and her lips grew thin as if she still wasn’t understanding something. “But for Emma… I’ve never seen her so passionate about someone before. And even if she was putting on a show, from all our observations, you two have been as thick as thieves for months now. I grant you that all this could be thought of as a stumble at the finish line, but you’re clear revulsion at us… I feel you are directing that to Emma as well.” In all the commotion, I hadn’t really thought about it. I had seen her the day before and the day before that and even the day before that. She was a constant presence in my life and one they had given me stability almost ever since purple cabin. I had grown wary of her after I found out what was really going on in Havenswood and its connection with the camp, but I realized I had never really fully rejected her. Still, I felt I couldn’t say that out loud and lose any leverage I had. “What does that matter?” “It matters a great deal,” she noted, “but that still leads my question.” “Then my question hasn’t been answered either, but I guess at this point…” I almost didn’t want to answer her. Something felt dangerous about answering it, but I also felt we were at an impasse and needed to give… if only a little bit. “Because I know too much…” Straight into the point. Little emotion and little revealed. “Do you now?” As I studied her face right there, before it was pinched with curiosity, but now it seemed more like she had finally found the upper hand. I wasn’t sure, but I knew I didn’t like it. “How about this?” She glided over to my right side. “If you promise not to run away, I can get you out of those straps. Maybe give you a little of freedom… Maybe even autonomy. Would you like that, Miles?” It felt like a trap, and I could almost see the sliver of deceit filter into her eyes, but I also knew she was offering me an opportunity that seemed rare in my current circumstances. “I would. And… I promise not to try and escape.” She smirked. “I’m not sure if I completely believe that promise, but okay then. Just sit tight and let me show you something…” Within two minutes, another attended had showed up and had bought a sort of contraption hovering between a stroller and a bouncer. Getting a better view of myself now without the straps, I could still see that I was in my heavily stained and even now torn camp uniform. Curiously, though, my diaper felt dry. Considering how much time had passed, I knew I had to be changed at some point. Pushing on though, with me strapped tightly just around my waist to the bouncer-stroller device, we passed along several sliding doors and darkened windows. Some contained the smell of pine or burning wood while others shrieked with inhuman sounds that would forever haunt my nightmares. It was all just enough to barely drown out the dull whine coming through the duct work overhead. At last, we came to a single sliding door and an oblong window with rounded corners and a switch next to it. Mrs. Claw then activated a knob to my side and used a foot press to elevate me just above the bottom of the window, allowing me to see right in… if there was anything even to see that is. Before I could ask, Mrs. Claw calmly walked over to the window before looking at me. “I gave you an offer… a generous one at that. It comes without strings, but it also comes with an alternative I didn’t mention that will happen if you don’t take my deal.” Looking as grave as ever, she turned back and flicked the switch. “This… is the first part of that alternative.” Looking inside the room, I saw Fred. Fred was Fred. No monstrosity or deformity or mauling like I might have once feared… but it also wasn’t Fred, or at least not the Fred I remembered. Even with his long-term stay in black cabin, he was still around his early 20s. Now though, he barely looked 14 or 15. Worse, he was spread out with his arms raised high and attached to the ceiling while his feet remained shackled to the floor. I snapped back towards Mrs. Claw. “Let him go! And… what did you do to him?” She smiled at me before reaching into her pocket and producing a remote. “This…” Without missing a beat, she pressed down on the large red button in the center. In an instant, Fred screamed out. “Ah! No! No! Not again!” Pain… physical or mental I wasn’t sure, but definitely large amounts of torment were now surging through my friend as he writhed around. It lasted minutes maybe but every second seemed like he was in pure agony. “Stop it! Stop it!” I shouted, attempting to rush over at Mrs. Claw and snag the remote away from her to end my friend’s suffering. But she was faster, taller… and wasn’t strapped into my bouncer-stroller device. In a second, she easily stepped back away from me and moved the remote far from my reach. “Nuh-uh, baby. There are many features to this remote. Don’t want you getting anywhere near this.” She glanced back at Fred for a moment. “Besides… I think you need this sort of demonstration right now.” I looked back at Fred, and I saw as he convulsed and tensed under the pain obviously now coursing through him. “Stop! Stop! Please!” he pleased. “I’ll do anything. Just stop, please!” Teary-eyed, I looked back at Mrs. Claw, certain that she was only mainly doing this for my benefit… or at least to convince me to take her deal. “Please…” I begged pathetically. “Please stop…” She nodded at me and pressed the button once more. “Very well…” In a second, whatever it triggered finally ceased and Fred hung limp against his restraints, seemingly too exhausted to go on for even another second. I looked back at my friend with tremendous sympathy… and immediate concern. Once again, Fred was still Fred… but he easily looked about a year younger now. My eyes widened in horror. I knew ARV was potent, but Fred’s case had been one of the slower kinds around camp. At his rate, he wouldn’t hit even blue or red cabin for several more months. But going from 20 to maybe 13… 14 at the most, I knew something was up. “What did you do?” I snapped angrily at Mrs. Claw, looking as smug as ever. “I just continued his treatment,” she explained calmly as if she was reading off soup ingredients. “See, I need you to understand a few things before you make your decision regarding the deal I presented to you. Your rejection doesn’t just return things to normal. But… I think you’re going to need a little more proof.” I didn’t feel I needed any more proof to understand what was at stake… but I was strapped in and helpless. I couldn’t do anything except watch another technician enter the space around Fred and hit a similar round button next to him. The last thing I saw was Fred screaming in agony once again. Terrified out of my mind and now hearing the faintest whine through the overhead duct work again, once I horrifically recognized the sound as Fred, my knuckles practically turned white as we rounded a corner… and came to another door, another window, and another switch. ‘No… not again…’ Before Mrs. Claw even spoke, I practically could guess who was behind this one. ‘Eric…’ “This is your other friend,” Mrs. Claw confirmed for me. “We didn’t need to regress him anymore. Instead… other methods were needed. Methods… I think with our bargain that you’ll find most… illuminating.” Not even hesitating, she then flicked the switch and one more room flickered on. It took me a second to even see who was inside but once I did, like I had predicted, it was unmistakably Eric. Except it wasn’t just Eric as I knew him. He was a resident of the yellow cabin, yes, but he was like me. Young and weak, but strong in his mind and still as smart as his former life had demanded. Now, the AR person before that I had thought of my friend was dressed in a babyish onesie filled with images of smiling teddy bears, a seemingly impossibly thick diaper, and was playing with a rubber duck in one hand and some blocks in the other. Worse, his diaper dropped unnaturally and he was chortling without care in the world as he smashed the duck and the blocks together with childish glee and rapidity. My friend Eric had gone the way like so many others… mentally regressed and probably didn’t even know who I was anymore. And that was terrible for him, but in a second, I understood the full gravity of what was being shown to me. No what was essentially torture and regression like had happened with Fred, but a bottoming out as it were of Eric’s mind… something that had once been so strong. Like mine still was. ‘Shit… if it can happen to him… it can happen to me as well…’ I looked at Mrs. Claw, trying not to focus on Eric’s heavily degraded state. “I think I see your point…” “Hmmm…” she mused, tapping her chin with her long manicured bubblegum pink painted fingernail. “I’m not sure you do… so I want to be perfectly clear.” She took a deep breath. “Here in this place… we can induce all sorts of regressions with the virus.” The pit that had been forming in my stomach since I had seen what they were doing to Fred, grew into an ocean of horror and worry. “B… but how?” Mrs. Claw smiled. “It didn’t take us long and we know now that the government knows it as well, but stress can lead to enhanced regression, enforced mental regression, and even an AR to bounce. While they use that knowledge to try and prevent further regression, we use it as the proverbial stick to the camp’s carrot.” It seemed so simple now. I had always found it strange that some around camp, even months after exposure to the orange mist had just suddenly regressed either physically or mentally. Some of them could have been natural but someone like Eustace back in black cabin… it seemed like one minute he was fine and the next, red cabin. But that still left one factor that I could barely believe even though I had seen it with my own eyes. “But Fred… he… he regressed in less than four minutes!” Sudden age regression was extreme, yes, but without direct exposure to a particular virulent strand of ARV, most would take a day to regress years. At this rate, Fred could bounce under 5 years old within the hour. “Yes… another little discovery of ours here,” she noted with a clear margin of pride dripping off each of her words. “We have a government contact at the CDC… very sympathetic to our cause here, but we found that with heavy amounts of induced stress and the correct combination of injected chemicals, we can trigger the inherent ARV strain in all of you to rapidly evolve and trigger a sudden regression.” It all seemed so sinister… so diabolical. I wondered just how far their influence had spread. Camp Commune and Havenswood seemed so idyllic and rustic. Between their advanced science, the clearly extensive underground facility, and even the fake monsters, it was almost mind-breaking to believe even for a second that they had anything to do with this place.   But not everything was adding up still. I was offered a deal, but from what I could tell, Fred and Eric never had been and were paying the price regardless. “But why? Why them? Why not me?” “It’s simple… your two friends are two different cases entirely from you,” she noted, like it would explain everything. It didn’t. I frowned. “I don’t understand. That doesn’t answer my question at all!” “Very well. I’ll explain this to you so even the baby boy in his thick diapers can understand…” she mocked me, smiling all the while I could only groan and play nice to figure out this place. “You see, Eric woke up early. We didn’t dose him as heavily up top like we did to Fred. He saw where he was… saw our scientists and guards and panicked. Freaked out completely and stressed himself out. Already heightened with fear from the monster attack, his mind snapped under the strain and the virus triggered a complete mental regression. I suspect he will bounce within the hour…” Strangely, that made me feel better. This place could still clearly induce what had happened to him with me, but Eric had done all this to himself. This place provided the trigger, but now, they were mostly mopping up what remained of him rather than strictly keeping him as a prisoner. But that left one factor hugely at play. “And Fred?” For the first time in a while, Mrs. Claw’s face dropped. “Fred is different than you. He woke up early too, but he was calm. It didn’t matter though. He attacked the monster, or who you now know as Mr. Pinter, tonight. He will be okay but there had to be consequences for that. Combined with what Fred knows about this place… his fate was sealed as soon as he entered this place. By tomorrow morning, he will have bounced and his mental regression will be complete.” Stunned into silence, I just sat as Mrs. Claw then wheeled me back to the room that I had woken up in. It was still the same, but I saw it even more as a cage now. I wondered just how many security protocols were in place here and I suddenly felt not so special… if not for one factor. ‘Why am I being offered this deal?’ I thought about it hard, but I wasn’t making any progress. Mrs. Claw seemed perfectly happy with how Eric had turned out, so I suspected that would have been his fate even if he hadn’t mentally regressed himself. And Fred… we knew the same. I had attacked Mr. Pinter just as much. ‘So why am I different? Why do I get the deal?’ So, still without answers, finally, I asked. “Why show me all this? Why didn’t you regress me like you did with Fred or what you could have done to Eric?” Mrs. Claw sat on a nearby padded bench and looked at me with seriousness and yet warmth I found unnerving. “Because you didn’t fight?” I guess my questioning expression spoke loud enough for me. She briefly smirked. “You woke up before this last time. And don’t try to deny it. We were monitoring you… after your friends though, we were curious what you would do.” It then hit me where the difference between my friends and I was. “And I went back to sleep…” Exactly!” She almost seemed proud of that revelation. “You showed me and this place that you were different. You chose peace rather than violence. Your actions up until this point could be passed off as misguided manners of defense or self-preservation. Something tells me that you would never have attacked Mr. Pinter if you had known he was the monster. I could be wrong… but considering you went back to sleep tells me a lot about you.” One tiny action. That’s all that separated me from further regression deep into toddler or babyhood. It’s why I got the deal and they never did. “And I just showed you all that because now you have a choice. Your actions gave you that. You made a choice for peace, so we are offering you one of peace as well,” she explained. “So, you have two options now. Accept our deal, or… be mentally and physically regressed the rest of the way. And from what you just saw… you know how capable we are of doing that.” She paused and then looked at me intently. “Either way… this will ensure you won’t be a problem.” “So… silence or regression, huh?” I sighed. “Not much of a choice… freakin’ monsters.” “But a choice,” she noted firmly almost like she was offended. “You’ve learned two very powerful secrets now. We’re not monsters, Miles. We’re just protecting ourselves… just like Mr. Pinter was doing last night when you three kept attacking him. Every time he tried to give you and your friends an opening to escape and run back to camp, you would attack him right back. Like us, after that, self-preservation naturally kicks in.” As I said, not much of a choice. Of the two, silence was something. Regression was just total erasure of who I am. All my memories and everything that made me who I am would be erased. Silence was restrictive but a little part of the old me would survive. But there was one problem… ‘How can I trust this place to keep their word?’ Mrs. Claw seemed to be able to read me like a book. “And I’ll tell you what… as further sign to show you just how much of monsters that we’re not, I’ll throw in this.” She sighed, almost looking in pain with whatever she was about to offer. “I’ll give you a contract. You sign… we sign. You agree not to speak, and we’ll legally be bound to keep our word as well.” A legal document was something binding beyond the bounds of the camp or the commune. It was something of public record and could be enforced and even monitored. This was huge for me, but I still felt I was being suckered into something down here considering I was agreeing to a life solely based within the already treacherous commune. Based on Mrs. Claw’s pinched and uptight face as she waited for my answer, I was clearly pushing the limits of their usual protocols. I wondered though just how far I could push it… “Fine. I sign to stay quiet and stay her in the commune,” I wanted to confirm just to hear it out loud and to be perfectly clear, “and you all sign to stop from ever forcibly regressing me… mentally or physically.” “Very well,” she began. “Let me…” “But I have a stipulation,” I interjected. Mrs. Claw winced but begrudgingly nodded. “And that is…?” I could feel a little lighter in my chest. Clearly, Mrs. Claw needed me to agree to this. It was probably some moral platitude she had for herself that if I signed and agreed, she wouldn’t feel like she was the bad guy in all this. Plus, she and this place would be legally bound to keep quiet… but so would I. Something told me that if I ever violated my end of the bargain, I would quickly find myself back here and lose my mind forever. “I want full transparency,” I pushed. “As a sign of trust on your all’s part, I don’t want any other secrets around here. You all use chemicals in the water to make it taste so good? I want to know about that.” I could see a little twitch appeared by Mrs. Claw’s left cheek. She looked like she was about to explode… but the twitch went away and she curtly nodded. “Very well…” Three minutes later, after seeing a few bumbling control rooms and even hearing the distant tapping and grinding of construction, we exited from a thick concealed door on the side of the mountain near to where we had last encountered Mr. Pinter in his monster suit before being gassed. Mrs. Claw then sighed as she turned to me. “This is our base… our real main admin building. With the location and the proximity to the city and several towns, including the commune, the government selected this site to establish a hidden bunker in case of nuclear attack. By the 1970s though, with a budget crisis looming, a prominent member of the commune took the facility off their hands. The commune was essentially handed an empty shell after they stripped most of the essentially equipment out.” “The commune bought a… bunker?” I questioned her skeptically. “Aren’t they… kind of more of the isolated granola types? Not… bunker types?” Mrs. Claw shrugged her shoulders. “Eh… back then, they were a little more side-stepping mainstream society than a blast from the past removal community. Bunkers were all the rage and the leader then felt this place could be shelter from any oncoming hurricane, earthquake, tornado… the buildings would be destroyed but the commune would survive situation.” “Right… so where does the camp into play then?” If I was going silent, I wanted my full transparency. Mrs. Claw seemed annoyed by the notion… but didn’t say no either. “I know you all talk about the bargain between the camp and the commune. You know about the three parts of the bargain. What you don’t know is that it took place inside.” She gestured back toward the door we had just exited. “When the orange mist hit, we all ducked inside. We thought the whole world was going up in flames,” she recalled. “Scary times but it made everyone around here realize just how valuable the bunker was. Relying on the systems that had been maintained, we all discovered what had occurred… including what happened to my staff.” I recalled Tommy and the others who had gone to the city the day of the attack and had gotten hit. “Hearing what happened to them and coming from the commune myself and knowing what they needed and what I was going to need to keep the camp running, I struck a bargain with Mildred before we ever left the bunker,” she noted with a speck of pride. “By the time we left, we already had a five-year plan with the future of this place… including upgrading systems, security, and keeping you all from running away.” Mrs. Claw then paused and glared back at me. “Is that what you’re looking for here, Miles? Is this what you want from me?” she asked, her hands dropping firmly to her hips, her annoyance with this part of our deal seemingly getting under her skin now. I smiled. I wanted to know everything, but if that meant me getting under her skin… so much the better. “Yes.” She groaned before quickly hopping over to some bushes. A minute later, she removed a dusty and well-used ATV… conveniently equipped with a car seat, and one perfectly sized for me. Considering the lack of dust though, I suspected it had only recently been added. Strapped in and soon speeding off, I turned around. I could barely see the exit where we had come from after less than 40 yards in the ATV that we had picked up. ‘No wonder no one knows about all this cover stuff… everything is hidden in plain sight…’ I turned back around, just curious what secrets I would discover at whatever location we were headed off to next. Bumbling along, I could only pluck at my car seat… a clear reminder of my current position in the world. Escaping was a nice idea but the camp slightly isolated you from reality. Sure, I had diaper changes, I slept in a crib, and Emma and the other volunteers or Mrs. Robin or Mrs. Georgie always kept their eye on me, but I was out in the middle of the woods. I held some responsibility for my life and help was offered only where needed. Being a camp modified for ARs, there was a certain level of ease here that wouldn’t be out in the main world. What you could do sometimes was irrelevant compared to what was lawful… like requiring me to be stuck in a car seat. Finally, though, the ATV stopped. I marveled at the vehicle, seemingly almost out of place compared to everything else I had seen and experienced here. The camp and the commune were almost set in another time. Farms and campfires and lanterns… the ATV just felt like another part of the lie they had been selling us… just like the cabin I was now looking at. It was the same one I had seen previously on one of my nature walks for Ms. Peachy’s class… they same I had been led away from quickly. “Where are we?” I questioned. Mrs. Claw sighed and walked over to the heavy weather-beaten door before unlocking it and pushing it open. “You’ll see…” Instead of a door about to fall off the hinges though, a small his of escaping air sounded just as she stepped inside, pulling my hand along with her. Initially dark, I was greeted by a deceptively large building inside. Clean and smoothed metal plates above a spotless tile floor and drain surrounded most of the area. A sort of semi-transparent barrier stood in front of us with a semi-open small door off to the side. Already, I could tell we weren’t alone. “Wendy? That you?” an unfamiliar voice called out. Mrs. Claw stepped over to the door and pulled it fully open. “No, Maxine.” Maxine, tightly huddled over a desk, stopped and looked terrified once she saw Mrs. Claw. Hopping to her feet, she pulled a strand of hair out of her face and pulled off her glasses. “Mrs. Claw! I… I… I wasn’t expecting you!” Mrs. Claw smiled and stepped closer inside, pulling me right behind her. “It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting to be here either, but now that I am… how is W3 holding up? Are we going to have to scrap the suit… or can it be repaired after last night’s damage?” Maxine shook her head. “Should patch up nicely. Needed to be redone anyways with the new upgrades we’re adding to all the suits. Too many encounters and I’m sure that you’ll agree… too many close calls before last night. The suits are getting far more activity than we ever anticipated.” It was right then I noticed her frown just as she noticed me. “Uh… Mrs. Claw? Not that I’m questioning you or anything, but… who is that?” Her partially dirt-smeared hand pointed right at me. Mrs. Claw smirked as she looked down at me and pulled me ahead of her. “Maxine… meet Miles. One of the people responsible for your extra effort this morning.” “One of the…?” Her eyes widened. “Oh! I thought…” “Part of our agreement,” Mrs. Claw noted with a heavy and exasperated sigh. “Showing him behind the scenes… in exchange for his silence.” “Oh… I see…” Her eyes refocused on me and suddenly, I felt every inch a lab rat being surveyed as she readied her notebook. “A live subject… goody!” She quickly rushed up closer to me. “Tell me… W3, uh… the Wruethroat you encountered from last night, scary? Disgusting? Details! Details!” Despite my aversion to Mrs. Claw, I instinctively moved closer to her. Not only was Maxine positively intimidating in her own obsessed and frantic way, but having been pushed ahead of Mrs. Claw now, I could see clearer of the room I was working in. My diaper grew a little warm. I knew they were all fakes, but I was surrounded by garments of the Gruebody, the Ghoulmoth… and the menacing Wruethroat, now hanging right behind Maxine, faint red tint around its chest. “S… scary,” I admitted. “Yes… and what about the blood last night?” she asked me directly before pointing to the previous red tint I saw. “When the monster was eating last night… scary? Disgusting? Disturbing? We might need to tweak the formula for simulated meat depending on your answer, so truth here!” I shrank back a little, but I knew I needed to tell her everything. By now, I had nothing to lose with my bargain with Mrs. Claw. “Gross actually… thought that the monster was distracted…” Curiously, Mrs. Claw snickered. Maxine, however, fumed and stormed off at that one. “Perfect! An hour to scrub off the fake gel that’s threatening to dye the leaves, and the baby thinks it’s gross.” “Easy, Maxine… just might need to go back to the drawing board on that one,” Mrs. Claw calmly suggested. “Might just need to go back to the drawing board on that concept. Most monsters won’t be seen close enough to be eating. This group is different…” Maxine could only scoff and seemingly go back to testing various buttons and switches… each of which produced the same sorts of sounds I had heard down in the bunker. Haunting… but now clearly so fake.  At that point, Maxine pulled me out of the building… a persistent smile and chuckle passing her lips. “What?” I finally asked, her gesture now overriding my previous shock of seeing all this still. “What’s so funny?” She half-smirked. “It’s just… you thought you were distracting the monster last night? That’s just absolutely hilarious to me.” I frowned. “Uh, why’s that? We got by, didn’t we? I mean… at least until the snapped stick.” Mrs. Claw shook her head. “No, Miles. Mr. Pinter had his eyes on you the whole time. I got looped in right before the stick snapped. He was monitoring you from the very start. Went out to encounter you all specifically from this wardrobe location in fact. His eating was just a level two scare tactic.” “Level two?” My head was almost swimming by now. “Level two,” she confirmed. “Level one is noises in the dark. Level two is partial visuals. Level three is chasing. Level four is interaction, and level five is physical interaction. If we can help it, level five is never reached. Last night was a first for us…” She paused for a moment. “And for the record, Miles? You all were never as stealthy as you all believed. We have monitors and sensors and cameras everywhere. As soon as you left the cabin, we knew about it. It happens about every two or three nights. Most though turn around when they hear the sounds of our monsters. So, by the time you all made it beyond Havenswood to the north, Mr. Pinter was all ready for you. Plus… you all weren’t exactly discrete.” I frowned once again. “Meaning?” She chuckled for a moment. “Meaning that three ARs loudly clanking in the woods isn’t exactly very stealthy. Between all your grunting to give over even the smallest of logs and your less than quiet conversations… you were easy to spot.” Her smile grew enormous. “Also? Humming ‘She’ll Be comin’ Around the Mountain’ is a pretty big giveaway, Miles.” I blushed. “I don’t remember doing that…” “Well, you did, but…” A distant cracking and revving could be heard from down the path we had just come from. “No worries. All that doesn’t matter now.” Sure enough, right as she stopped, another ATV had shown up. This one contained three people. The first was a more well-dressed man, seemingly at odds in the woods carrying a briefcase against his chest. The second was stern, muscle-bound, and carrying what I could only guess was an automatic rifle. And the third was Emma. “Hello, Miles…” she spoke to me more timidly than her usual self. “Are you okay? Are you…?” “Formalities first, please?” the first suited man asked, seemingly impatient like he already had somewhere else to be by now. Mrs. Claw then stepped in front of me and gestured at first to Emma and then to the second armed man. “Decision time, Miles. I’ve revealed several things to you today. Full transparency. There are more and Emma can answer them, but first… you choose. Go with Emma right now or…” Her head nodded back for emphasis to the man with the gun. “Come with us and we’ll regress you right down to size.” I looked at the man with the gun. All serious and strength and a clear threat towards me. No emotion or any other existence than for what must have been a security guard performing his job. Contrasting, there was Emma. Emma swirled about with emotion. Looking at her, I saw the lies of this place. I wondered briefly if Emma was even her name at all. Going with her was a matter of trust… and I couldn’t find any. Her face showed me concern and her words toward me, however brief, seemed genuine that she actually cared about my well-being. I just wasn’t sure if I could even truth that though. But as I had figured before, I didn’t have much of a choice. Guessing to the purpose of the suited man, I pointed to him. “Let’s just get this over with. I choose Emma. Between the two choices, of course I choose Emma.” She looked a little disheartened, but once more, I saw that sickening smile plastered over Mrs. Claw. “You’d be surprised, but…” She reached out and took the papers the lawyer offered her, “here are our forms. Legally binding and enforceable. A two-way street for you and me.” I nodded and the lawyer made quick work of explaining everything of where to initial and where to sign. The paperwork was very clear and straightforward. It was my gag order and my willingness to sign myself over to Emma as my official caregiver… in exchange for full transparency and the promise to not touch me in any shape or form, mentally or physically, from my current condition on the part of the camp and the commune. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a guarantee for my future that what little autonomy I had left… it would fully be mine. Looking more pleased than usual, as soon as Mrs. Claw finished her final signature, she looked back at me and Emma. “And there. That’s it. No more signing… no more camp… no more lies or monsters… and most important, no more obligation from me. He is yours, Emma.” She paused. “And Miles? Welcome to the commune.” With that, she hopped back into the ATV with the guard and lawyer and sped off. Once the dust had settled, I looked back at Emma. She looked like she wanted to say a million and one things… but she remained as quiet and nervous as I had ever seen her. Finally, I had to know one burning question. “Why Emma? Why?” She stepped closer to me, looking hurt and confused. “I… I don’t understand. What do you mean by why? Please, Miles… let me help you, but… I don’t understand.” “Why… why…?” I struggled to find the right words. Instead, I gestured around me. “Why all this? Why the fake cabins or societies against monsters? Why the commune? Why the charade of it all?” She sighed and nodded like I had just given her the final piece she needed. “It’s complicated. It’s a long explanation I can answer another time, but for now, the bottom line? Scared people are easier to control.” And there it was. A whole front and theater show… just to control us easier. Still, it didn’t seem enough for Emma. “The stories we tell you all? Those are real. I’ve heard them since I was five years old and sitting around a campfire of my own with my dad. There have always been rumors about monsters in this area since our arrival here. So, when the orange mist hit, everyone here knew that ARs would find it hard to stay and they became the natural solution.” “Then make the place better if you want them to stay,” I countered. “Not monsters.” She nodded. “Yes, and we’re doing that. But think about it for a second, Miles. Even if this place was paradise, it’s not home. It’s camp and regressed people have regressed emotions. It’s the one consistent thing across the board. And emotional ARs are going to miss home. They may not admit it out loud, but they’re going to want to return to their old lives.” “So let them.” I felt I was still missing something in this whole equation. “Fine,” she briefly admitted, much to my surprise. “We could allow you all to leave. We could ferry you all back, but a week after the orange mist hit, the government released a study saying how many ARs took drastic routes. Drugs… alcohol… sex… and so many other things and all to the extreme levels. The virus meant they could heal maybe even the next morning in some cases… but what if those things went to the extreme? When we saw that report… we felt we had to intervene. Maintain a place where you could be distracted away from things that could harm you all permanently. Just clean air and good times. Monitored regression and help throughout the whole process… or did you forget about your visits to Mrs. Galen?” She had me there. It was the missing piece to all this. Extreme, yes, but in a sort of twisted way, everyone here would stay put. No temptations of illegal activities or putting others in harms way. Just a summer camp to ease away the problems. “So, the monsters…?” I winced, feeling I knew their exact purpose. “Were to keep you all here as long as we could. With no transportation back, you all would try and escape. Maybe you could, but what if you got hit by a bus, or after a severe anxiety attack, you all regress physically or mentally and you then encounter a wild and hungry bear? I hate the monsters, but until last night… no fighting. No harm… just watchdogs to keep you all here and safe.” She winced when she looked at me, like she could see that I was beginning to understand… but still hated it all. “And if you still aren’t convinced, we allowed and even encouraged things like ACTS. It was unintended at first, but we then realized it fueled the rumors around camp. Even if others didn’t join, you all persisted in talking about the monsters. So maybe… even if it’s a sliver of fear working through an escaped camp members mind, they might think twice about running away through the woods in the middle of the night.” Worryingly, it all started to make perfect sense to me. The logic was flawed and a prison, no matter how beautiful or how fresh the air… was still a prison. Worse, with me knowing everything I did now, a part of me almost wished I did lose my mind. I could see that Emma cared about me… but I still couldn’t trust that. I had trusted her before and now I was here, knowing this place was fake. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” she said after a moment. “We can stay here as long as you need… or at least until dark, but… please, Miles. Tell me what you’re thinking. I can’t stand this distance between us now.” “But that’s just it!” I snapped. “I don’t like the distance any more than you do, but it’s a matter of trust! How can I trust someone who was preparing me like a fattened pig over a firepit for your evening meal? You knew where I was headed. I hit blue cabin and we went from friends to something more. Tell me I’m wrong. I’m begging you… but were you hoping that I would regress into red cabin or younger and come with you.” Her look told me all I needed to know. She clearly knew that was wrong though. I saw the shame wash over her like a scorching ocean wave pounding her into nothingness. “Yes, Miles. I knew that was a possibility. But… I wasn’t lying to you. I just didn’t tell you everything, and I know that’s not much better, and I will try to make that up to you from now on, but I just wanted to help you. No matter what that meant, I wanted to be there for you.” Her words were right, but again, it was like listening to something that could be completely fake. Maybe real… maybe not, but with my whole future in the balance, I wasn’t sure if I could take that risk. “Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it!” I clenched my tiny pudgy fists in anger. “I want to believe you so badly, but I just can’t. This whole damn place is fake… how do I know you aren’t?” She winced, like I had just shot her in the heart with an arrow of truth and hurt she wasn’t expecting. Again though, she didn’t hide from it though. “This place is fake, Miles. Sure, the trees and all are real, but the commune’s old living and the monsters… yes. Fake. But… I’m real and you’re real.” “Yeah…” I wasn’t impressed. “And?” “Every day, I wanted to tell you about this place. I saw your struggle, but I also saw you and who you were. You were someone different,” she admitted. “A lot of people around here just want a doll or a charity case, but with you, I saw someone who would need help and I could provide that but also not smother you either. That notion… my help… both are very real, Miles.” “But how do I know what is real versus what is fake?” I asked, my ease over what to trust growing… but nowhere near trusting everything on sight once again. She nodded, seemingly resigned to this dynamic between us. “That’s a tough one. I can’t lie to you there, Miles. But… that relationship between us I was talking about? Trust that. Trust my care for you. Trust your friendliness if nothing else for me. You saw me for who I am and I didn’t hold anything back from you before. I didn’t tell you about this place and yes, I knew that I wanted you and the town council approved of me to be your guardian… but I never lied about my feelings for you, Miles. I became a volunteer a yellow cabin because of you. I helped others, yes. That was my job… but I only offered one person a seat on my front porch or sampled my special cookies. All that was real. If you can’t trust me directly, trust that at least.” It was something I had never thought about before all this. There was still an uneasy notion between us, but it was hard to ignore the flashes in my mind of everything she had done before for me. Having stayed in camp long enough, I saw other volunteers from the commune. Emma might have held things back from me and while forgiveness would take longer than a single conversation… I knew she was different. And that… that I could trust. If nothing else, it was a start at least. “So… I guess this is the first step of… forever?” I was more or less making a bad joke… but I really wasn’t sure. So far, ARV hadn’t lasted long enough for most to notice if regrowth was even a possibility. Apparently, the virus stuck in your system for months after you bounced. Forever might not have been just a figure of speech. Emma smiled though. “I guess so. And before whatever comes next, I just want to promise you this. It wasn’t in that bargain you signed, but I can offer you a life where your mind will be free and I will take care of your needs with respect and affection. I know that might not mean much given everything you know now… but can you at least accept that?” Another offer, and though I had already signed my life to her legally speaking, it was nice that she was making me a new deal. Stepping forward, it was a good sign. “Yes. I think that would be nice.” The relief on Emma’s face was palpable and as she went over toward the other ATV that I had arrived on, it didn’t vanish once. “Now then… let’s go home.” One ATV ride later, and we were entering the commune. It was strange, I had come here maybe half a dozen times, but now I was seeing everything with new eyes. The members all seemed duplicitous and the AR members now unknowing dupes into this strange system. The joyous frivolity of old living seemed more like a façade than wisdom. The quaintness, even if based on something real before all this, looked more like a movie set to me than the nicety of a downtown. What’s more though, a lot of the commune members looked at me with cold and judgmental worried expressions. “Just ignore them,” Emma said finally as she pulled to the front of her two-story country home perched near the field on the edge of the commune. “Most here are used to any accepted ARs as being mentally regressed. They know you know they’ve been lying. It’s like getting caught with their pants down. It makes them uncomfortable that you see through their country charm and all.” “Will that go away?” I asked as she then unlocked her door after helping me up her front porch. She hesitated before turning the handle. “I… I think so. Just… maybe give them some time. After tomorrow will already be better.” “Tomorrow?” I questioned her, stepping into her old but fresh-smelling house. She nodded, hanging up her keys and flicking on the lights to reveal a cozy living room full of life and personality and not the curated façade that I thought I might see. “Tomorrow night is initiation for new ARs into the commune. But that’s then… for now, let’s get you all cleaned up and into some fresh clothes.” I nodded and followed her upstairs. Admittedly, even with my trepidation with everything, the fresh hot and sweet-smelling bath was practically luxury incarnate. It was a little awkward at first, but once my mind got over the notion that Emma had seen me naked beyond count by now, I was able to ease up and relax into everything. Even my new room, despite being a comfy and non-ostentatious space, put me at ease. It was a tiny fluttering notion, but as my old camp uniform was disposed of officially and replaced by a fluffy diaper and some cozy but nearly dignified onesie and shortalls, I briefly let out a small smile. ‘Not bad… not bad…’ It was resignation on some level, but an easiness that came with Emma that I slowly came to remember. And that ease only increased the rest of the day and into the next. Emma was calm and collected around me. I could still see she was worried about upsetting me at any sort of level, but we were finally melting into our old roles as I got used to the lack of camp life I had come to know so well. I wondered occasionally what others were told back at camp, but those types of things seemed further away from my mind. Tomorrow I might worry, but for now, I could only bite my lip and twiddle my thumbs in nervous anticipation of the initiation ceremony tonight… especially after Emma took extra care to pack my new diaper bag, complete with my name embroidered on one of the tags at the top. As last night was the camp bonfire, I saw everyone come to the initiation and I truly got to see the wider scope of the town’s population. Instead of the 50 or so I was expecting, at least based on what I had seen before… there was at least a couple hundred all gathered in the town square. Looking around, I could see what was left of my two friends. Eric seemed more interested in the toy bee clutched in his hands and Fred… despite now being less than five years old, seemed more grumpy than anything, fiddling with a train in his hands more than paying attention to what was happening around him. I could tell from both without even more than a glance… both at least looked mentally gone. Still trying to be as supportive as she could towards me, seeing my dismay, Emma then smiled down at me. “Hey there. Just go out there and mingle. I promise it’ll be okay. I will be nearby tonight, but I want you to take this opportunity to go and meet some new people… maybe even some old. Try to have fun, but if anything gets overwhelming for you, I’ll be right here, okay?” “Okay…” There was still unease between us, but our bond was regrowing slowly. She had shown her willingness to help me and not belittle me and that counter for a lot in my book. Looking around as I meandered through the crowd, desperately not trying to be pinched to death for ‘how cute I was’ or even trampled to death, the usual treatment of ARs was immediately apparent. “Eric! Eric!” I called out to my friend, hoping what I had seen before was just wrong. I found him sitting with many of the other daycare members near the stage and the playset where the more mature played happily, however, and I got a sickly feeling in my gut. When he finally heard me though, Eric stopped his fumbling of the stuffed smiling bumble bee in his hands and looked at me with a wide toothy grin. Spaced out and with several gaps, his smile only leant itself to his lack of age. It was clear he had lost at least a year… maybe even two since we had last talked. “Eric?” I tried to reach out to my friend, but he only scooted closer to me and handed me his bumblebee. “Uh, thanks?” But as soon as it was out of his hands, he began to tear up and I handed it back. “Here! Here! Please! Just don’t cry.” “Oh, is someone a little upset?” a new commune member commented, quickly scooping up Eric away from me. She then sniffed prominently and she had a satisfied look immediately painted over her face. “Yep! Just what I thought! Someone made a stinky! Think I’ve got this whole mommy thing down, huh?” Eric just chortled back at her as she tickled his belly. No shame of a dirty diaper… no recognition of me. The woman then noticed me just standing there in shock at the loss of my friend. “Oh? Sorry there, Hun. Didn’t see you. But hey! You’re Eric’s old friend, right? Gotta go get Mr. Stinker here changed, but maybe we could arrange a playdate for you two!” She didn’t wait for me to respond and instead went off to change my friend’s diaper, cooing and babbling at him the whole time. Hoping I would have more luck with Fred, I finally managed to catch up with him over on the playset. I had a pretty touch time mounting the large equipment and some even tried to stop me… but my vocabulary quickly caught their attention that I was not mentally regressed, and I was in no mood to play around. “Fred,” I breathed at last at the top of the platform between the slides and metal rickety bridge. “Oh… youw Miles, wight?” he asked me, almost legitimately looking at me with curiosity and an absolute lack of recognition. Honestly, combined with his Paw Patrol T-shirt, I almost didn’t even recognize him anymore. “Yeah… uh, do you remember me?” I asked, likely already knowing the answer but still hoping. “We were friends?” He paused just before he went across the bridge to more slides. “Uh… my mommy said you were a friend and… well, I trust mommy, so yeah!”    I cringed. Faulty logic and an obvious lacking memory. This place had done their job well in regressing the most mature camp member with ARV that I knew. Now, my friend was gone… replaced by a preschooler more intent on the slides than anything to do with me. And when I didn’t say anything… he took right off. “Well… good seeing you, Miles. See you!” The last thing I saw of my old friend was him laughing all the way down the slide and running around with the others… not a care in the world. It was a stark realization and one that continued to haunt me as I made my way down the slide. With no one to catch me at the bottom, I heard scream in fear that I was regressed and plummeting to my doom… but I managed to stop myself and everyone could relax. But I really didn’t register any of that. What I did registered was that my two friends, my two best hopes of companionship around here were shells of their former selves. Maybe filled with new material and personalities befitting of their age… but all our history was now just gone. It was erased like it had never existed. Instead, I was more now of a friendly face or someone their mommy approved of than any kind of true friend that I had been only two days ago. “Miles?” I heard through the roar of the crowd and the laughter of all the regressed kids around me. Looking up from where I sat, I saw a very familiar face as they toddled right over to me. “B… Brian? Is that… you?” I couldn’t believe my own eyes. Brian had regressed, bounced in yellow cabin, and had gone off to his family in the city. I knew that was a lie after seeing him play around in Havenswood… but he had mentally regressed. He shouldn’t have recognized me. He smiled… most of his teeth now looking very small or completely absent. “Yeah, siwwy!” Coming over to me, he gave me the biggest hug I think he could have mustered. Dropping at about a year and a half, our size difference was noticeable… but I was far more focused on how he knew my name. “Brian… Brian…” I backed off and stared at what was likely my longest friend… one I thought I had lost weeks ago now. “I don’t understand. You’re… you’re…” “Nah me, buh I’m wemembewin’ mo’ now,” he said, wobbling in his stance and words alike. His pronunciation was atrocious as he explained things to me, but after bouncing, his memories returned at least partially. Before camp was a blur… but his friendship with me seemed more or less intact. “Hey you!” another very familiar voice called out, Emma’s hands soon perching on top of my shoulders just as Brian was explaining town life to me and all as an AR. For him, this place was paradise. I wasn’t so sure if I would feel the same. “Emma… this is Brian… my friend,” I explained. “He… he remembers me.” “Oh!” She practically smacked her forehead. “Brian. Right! You two were almost inseparable since black cabin. Gosh! How nice to meet each other again, huh?” I could only listlessly nod. Right then though, someone tapped the microphone at the stage in front of everything. Quickly, most started to wander over. After that, it didn’t take long for Brian’s self-declared Mommy to come up and promise a playdate ‘sooner rather than later.’ Smiling down at me, Emma offered her hand. “Come on, honey. You’re one of the guests of honor tonight. But right then, to everyone else at least, none of that mattered. Perched on the stage under spotlights and an array of twinkling string lights overhead, the head of the commune, Mildred, finally stepped up to the microphone. “Welcome Havenswood. A little unexpected, and I thank you for coming out, but tonight… we accept three new members into our community!” Many cheered. I couldn’t. I saw Fred and Eric standing in front of their caregivers just like I was. Both were regressed just like I was… but I had seen both of them tonight. Their former lives were erased, and while Brian’s remembrances gave me hope, he was nowhere near the person I once knew. Maybe a friend, but the virus had stolen that away from him. For Eric and Fred though, while the virus was the root of their problems… this place that was now trying to welcome me with open arms, had pushed them both to where they were now. It was hard to push past that fact. “Now, please enjoy yourselves tonight.” She leaned forward over the microphone more than she already was. “We mark these moments as special occasions. The world is ever-changing, but we here continue on as one.” “As one!” everyone around me cheered. Mildred smiled. “So, join me in welcoming these three special new members to our group tonight. And for you three…” She peered down at the three of us, but something told me that I was really the only one who was even paying attention to her right then. “Welcome to Havenswood. Welcome to the commune!” More cheering. I heard it… but I couldn’t bring myself to find a reason to cheer. I was now an official member of the commune. Yesterday, I had signed the paperwork making all this legitimate. My life was my own now at least as far as to say that I wouldn’t end up like Fred, Eric, or the dozens of other regressed ARs here, but that was a minor consolation prize in the grand scheme of things. I had been lied to and experimented on and manipulated every second of every day that I was here. There were no monsters. The commune wasn’t a step back into the past before computers or whatever… no matter the kindliness of the majority of the people here, it was a façade. Plain and simple and with one goal in mind when it came to ARs. We ARs were like cattle… auctioned off to the member most deserving or most wanting. It was a barbarity that I thought the world was outgrowing. But here and now, I had just joined the community that was exactly that. My one consolation in all this was Emma. She had withheld the truth from me, and she knew from the beginning that she wanted me and that I would end up in this exact spot. She was never one of the fake monsters that had chased me through the woods or on the water. She had never lied to me specifically. She didn’t gas me or my friends… and she certainly didn’t let off the orange mist that led to ARV and all this in the first place. But she had been complicit. She was part of the system. And with what this place did, that made her a monster in some ways. ‘At least she’s my monster though…’ “Miles?” Emma asked from above before looking at me quizzically and with a heavy degree of worry. “You okay there? You’re trembling, honey. What’s going on?” When I didn’t answer her, she frowned out of worry and crouched right in front of me. A few others took notice, but she didn’t pay them any mind… she just kept her focus on me. “Is it too much or…?” Her eyes scanned all around me and much to my humiliation, despite no one seeming to care in the slightest, she gave me a quick diaper check. “No… sorry about that, but… I want to help you, sweetie. Please. You don’t have to say anything, but can you let me do that at least?” I wish she could have. It would have made things so much easier, but I couldn’t even begin to count my problems anymore or even find solutions to them and I doubted anything she could do could ever erase them. They just existed now and I had to accept them and move on or risk cracking under the pressure of this place. My future was a giant question mark that unnerved me to my core. But, as I looked into Emma’s eyes, I saw my one solace. Even if it wasn’t everything, it was something. I saw the comfort and the care and the friendliness I had once recognized in her. I knew now that the monsters existed. Maybe not yellow-eyed or fanged or clawed… but this place and the people here complicit in all the lies had been them, nonetheless. Good intentions to help needy ARs maybe but lies and deceit were their stock and trade at the end of the day. They were the monsters and Emma was a part of this place. She was part of the problem and that makes it hard for her to be part of the solution.   But right as I was dreading all that, probably just hoping to make me feel better, she then reached into my diaper bag still slung around her shoulder and fished out a familiar object; my stuffed animal blue bird from camp. I thought I had lost him forever, and he was just a dumb plushy, but it was more of the gesture of someone just hoping I would be okay. Small but it meant everything and the world to me when I was surrounded by such evil and treachery. So, despite being part of it, Emma was my little warm light here. She wasn’t perfect, but even her simple little actions towards me showed me that she had in fact shown me her true side before. This place was a lie… but her inner self was all truth and grace and comfort. And to me, that was everything. Smiling at my tiny spot of clarity, I grabbed my tiny plushy as I fell right into her. Maybe surprised or maybe not, Emma though didn’t say a word. She only hushed me, hugged me, and rubbed my back. No agenda. No expectation of payment in return. No lies. Just her and me under the stars and light and in a small town in the middle of the woods. And right there, I knew I was surrounded by monsters and that now, with complicity in my silence, I was part of the lie as well. It wasn’t the life I was hoping for, but with Emma… maybe, just maybe, in this commune away from the world and all those other problems out there, I would find the peace I wanted more than anything now.

Not sure at the moment. I definitely wasn't planning on working tonight, so not only did my cheese get moved, but they dropped back 10 yards back and punted it into the next county. I'll probably eat the bare minimum after church and go to bed, likely to cover my other night off too.