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Hey everyone! As promised, the third chapter this week in order to make up for my lack of chapters previously. Knowing what’s ahead for me and the reception of this story (in metrics at least), only two will still be released per week now. The downsides you all probably can guess, but the upsides mean I can edit these when I want and when I’m actually awake. And it also means I can plan ahead better. Already, these last few chapters have added yet another section (up to 20 chapters total) and I’ve tweaked the plot about ten times already. All for the best I promise but even just in general, I think this move will make things better here. Now… last but not least and as usual, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter of my story! Chapter 14: The Drippings of the Future “We’re dead… we’re dead… we’re so dead…” Brain said, almost catatonic from fear at this point as he partially clung to me and partially was rocking back and forth. From him, our stuck position on the rocks, and the current still lapping at our sides, the boat was pitching and threatening to heave us out and dashed into the rocks around us… ending our lives there or from the monster’s ravenous appetite in front of us. And I couldn’t blame him. The Gruebody was terrifying. Foul breath and slimy seaweed and matted something or another dotted his entire body, giving him a shiny appearance against even the faintest of moonlight. The dark still obscured some details… but I got the gist of the ugly and slimy and terrifying mass in front of us. His red eyes seemed to pierce within my very soul and only add to this. And his various appendages of sticks and logs attached to his body were not within my main focus only when I saw his dangling long claws on both his dragged arms. But I remembered my one word and action that I had to stick to no matter what… survival. It was him or us… life or death. A monster was blocking our way out of here and would be just yet another victim of the terrifying beast. I was wrong and the Gruebody seemed to patrol all the waters around the lake… not just the shore. It was a bitter pill to swallow that yet another escape attempt had been thwarted by a monster around here… but that didn’t… couldn’t matter right now. “We’re dead… we’re dead…” Brian continued to chant. I groaned and knew I was going to have to do something myself to save us as the Gruebody began to crunch into us, one of its limbs grabbing our boat and shaking it around. Water began to splash over the sides, my damp hair soon dripping down my face. ‘Crud! We’re either monster chow or we’ll be drowned by that thing! What to do? What to do?’ I took stock of the situation quickly… Brian panicking and the boat taking on water. For me, my paddle remained in my hand, one point firmly gripped there and another in the water and on the rocks… ‘Wait… the rocks!’ I looked down at the murky and inky black waters around us, splashing around more and starting to both fill our boat and drench our clothing. But underneath, the rocks. The same that had terrifyingly trapped us here within the beast’s grasp were still there. Hard… sharp even. My eyes darted around and I found what I was looking for. “There you are!” Despite the water going everywhere, I dove my hand into the water, the pitching of our boat smacking it against the rocks several times. It hurt and I winced with pain… but I found the perfect rock. Due to my regressed body and lack of strength, I couldn’t pick up the larger rock I really wanted, but the one I found was about the size of a baseball… and sharp. Razor sharp. Smiling, barely even pausing to consider things, I hurled it right at the monster’s looming and lowering head. It hit him right on the side of his head. It roared in pain and recoiled. “Now Brian!” I nearly smacked my friend back into position and took my oar, ready to defend us further or shove off. Turns out, I did neither as the monster growled with hot drool or slime pouring from its mouth now. I glared it down and picked up another rock. This one was a little heavier This time, it struck him right over one of his glowing red eyes. It let out a bloodcurdling scream and finally let our boat go. “Now Brian! Damn you! Push off!” I was now hitting my friend into position. With limited rocks left and with our boat already pitching against the rocks and the formed waves around us, I knew we couldn’t last much longer. It was going to be escape or death. I was sure of it. Brian whimpered throughout it all and with the monster seemingly screeching in pain, but with our strengths combined, we heaved off and our boat lurched into murky waters. Water sprayed everywhere. I was sure we would be smashed to pieces… but the currents pulled us away. Anytime we neared a rock, instead of fighting the currents like I had done before, I focused on the rocks. Escape was over… the waterway out west was blocked by treacherous water and monsters and death. Now, was just that one notion and act… survival. We rocked all around, the rapid we had once so cleanly avoided in the day pushing us from side to side. Waves splashed all around us and doused us repeatedly. Several times, I had to hold my breath. It didn’t take long for any scrap of clothing of ours that was not already wet was soon soaked. And then peace. No battering waves or steely currents to thrash us around. A moan emanated from behind us… likely the monster. And I could have turned and seen it one last time… but I didn’t. I had seen enough of the monster to last a lifetime… and its moans were fading. More distant the closer we got to shore. Pulling up alongside Leo and Victor, I could see both had enough as well. I sighed. “I guess that will do it then…” “Yeah…” Victor agreed sullenly. “Had a good run there but this place is trapped… especially at night. Maybe during the day, but…” “But they’ll be watching…” Leo said, shivering a little from where his clothes had gotten soaked from his and Victor’s own struggles with the currents back. “No way we’d make it. We’re… we’re trapped here…” I sighed again, knowing he might have been right… but I couldn’t dwell on something like that. “Alright then… let’s just head back into shore and store the boats. With any luck, no one will know that we were ever out here to begi…” A large spotlight shined over us. I shielded my eyes from the bright beam coming from seemingly nowhere… but when they finally adjusted and I could see beyond the light, I recognized the main boat from the camp’s docks and from the numerous times it had been used since we all first got here. ‘Shit… rescue boat…’ “Told you we’d find them out here…” Mr. Nancy said haughtily as he came into the light more after seeing all four of us before him. “Yes… you were right,” Mr. Mast sighed, turning the wheel over to dock with our boats. “Just toss them the line and make sure it’s good and tight. We’ll pull ‘em back to shore. Mrs. Claw is going to want to speak with them… immediately.” I swallowed in fear of what that meant. Last time, we were only about six steps removed from just getting lost in the woods. They never knew we had the map and our story of a monster, while a black mark on Brian and mine’s relationship with most of the rest of camp, seemed to let us off easier than usual. Now though, we had stolen two boats, broken curfew and were clearly trying to escape. There would be no other explanation… and this was three of ours second offense. Once was a fluke… like a hiccup in obedience and following the rules. Two though was establishing a pattern… and one everyone knew Mrs. Claw absolutely despised. But I knew I couldn’t do anything about it, so with Brian pretty much still petrified and shivering slightly from being completely soaked from the waves splashing over, I grabbed the offered rope and lashed it to one of the metal loops attached to the rim of the boat. Victor followed suit. And as we were towed back and then helped store the boats to be inspected tomorrow, I was only awash with dread. After dozens of scenarios and analyzations of tonight, the only positive I could gleam was that Brian’s previous fretful accident in his pants was now covered up. If I chose, I could have ratted him out like Mrs. Carlisle requested. Instead, I chose to keep his secret safe. If it really was bad, it would soon be known to everyone else. He didn’t need my help speeding that literal leak up. Trudging to the main office, we soon entered Mrs. Claws office, and to my chagrin, both she and Mrs. Carlisle were there and stared at us like we were already guilty and dead before we could even try to defend ourselves. Looking over, Leo was nearly catatonic. Victor seemed defiant but strangely expectant… almost like he had done all this before and just wanted to get it over with by now. And Brian… he just couldn’t stop trembling like a dry leaf in Fall. If Mr. Mast wasn’t occasionally guiding him to stand back up, I’m pretty sure he would have collapsed by now. “So… another breakout attempt for all of you, hmm?” Mrs. Claw began, sitting in her large cushioned and high-back chair with her fingers clasped together. If I didn’t know any better, she was about to announce her plans to take over the world, and we would hear a sinister laugh. When none of us responded though, Mr. Nancy spoke first. “Yes, ma’am. Heard the commotion from my own cabin. Screaming and shouting across the lake.” Mr. Mast nodded. “I heard it too. By the time I got to the docks, Mr. Nancy was there as well, and we retrieved the boys after informing you.” “Thank you for that, Mr. Mast,” Mrs. Claw nodded in his direction before staring daggers back at the four of us, “but I would like to hear it from these young campers personally.” I didn’t like the way she said ‘young’ when referring to us. When her eyes seemed ready to spray out fire, Victor spoke up, cutting the tension briefly. “We didn’t want to stay here. It’s hard having a strong mind and be treated like you’re six.” “But you all are six… seven… nine… ten,” Mrs. Carlisle pointed out. “Not exactly old, hmm?” That’s where I stopped being so quiet. “Maybe physically, but our minds aren’t that way.” I could have added a caveat that Victor and I were like that and left out Brian and Leo… but that just felt wrong at this point. “How would you all feel if you were treated that way.” Everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably… except Mrs. Claw. “Hmm…” She padded her fingers together. “Maybe a valid point… but we do have our rules in place for a reason. And this can’t simply go unpunished.” I braced for the worst as she swished her mouth back and forth for about a minute. “I will do something maybe a little more unusual here… there are four of us affected tonight. More tomorrow when this gets out, I think four different punishments will suit you all fine given all the evidence and your varied circumstances. Each of us will choose one…” She then took a deep breath. “I will go first… you will be restricted to camp and Havenswood for a period of four days and must be accompanied by an adult at all times.” Victor twitched under the notion. Brian and Leo didn’t make a single move. I didn’t like it… but considering her cold glare back at us, I knew not to make things worse and try to fight back against things. “Help me repair the damage to the boats… however long that takes,” Mr. Mast piped up next, barely waiting a second for Mrs. Claw to finish. “Those poor boats makes it look like you all went through a meat grinder. Did you really have to hit every rock?” No one answered. Mr. Nancy took longer for his own punishment for us… his former cabin members, but eventually he nodded after resting his ching under his fist. “Yeah… not sure here, but… sit on a naughty stool for an hour a day during afternoon free time for three days?” Mrs. Carlisle smiled and nodded. “I think I can arrange that… but for mine…” She tapped her lips and then smirked. “Yes… I’ve been watching you all. Don’t seem to take too much pleasure in things I could affect. Couldn’t remove your games or your activities per the rules around here… but let’s say… no desert for… yes. Three days.” She crossed her arms in a triumph over her own punishment. In truth, each seemed to match the punisher completely. Mr. Mast was getting us to repair his boats that we had damaged. Mr. Nancy was a little out of his element and his punishment seemed more like something one would see on television from the 1950s or something. And Mrs. Carlisle chose something childish, fitting her position, yet most personal in her better knowledge of the current us and what would leave a bigger impact. But the worst was Mrs. Claw. Though on the surface, she seemed to be just covering her butt with us and preventing another escape event. But she had emphasized ‘adult,’ clearly showing that she felt fully we were no longer one. It also ensured that there was no chance of leaving again. The worst though… four days was a lifetime around here for an AR. With someone like Leo, in four days, he could be at the bottom of the barrel of red cabin… too young to leave on his anymore anyways. But we could do nothing about any of this. We just had to take it. So, enduring and slipping out and being guided back to the cabin, everyone was mostly silent… at least until Brian finally snapped out of his seeming fearful trance. Shivering from being soaked, he turned to me as we walked. “I… I’m not going to try to escape again…” I nearly halted my own tracks from disbelief. I know I shouldn’t have been… but it was one thing to know and another to hear out loud. And now, I didn’t hear his words… I heard their context. It was the sound of defeat and of terror of our surrounding environment. Monsters were to the east, south, and now west of us. Only way forward was the north… and even more daunting prospect given the rumors of more monsters up that way. For me, those were just rumors. For Brian though, between failure and even a whisper of more danger… he was out. Not wanting to make him feel bad in my disappointment of his surrender, I just nodded and wrapped my arm around him. “That’s okay, buddy. I understand…” I did… but it still hurt to know my friend would be here until the end now. I was of the opinion that punishments were meant to deter someone from ever wanting to do something again. You screw up or break the rules, even just because you can, and the punishment will make you think twice. Sometimes, that meant the punishment was far worse than what was required, but if you ever thought about say breaking a lamp again… you made sure to tiptoe around it the next time. I guess this camp never got that message… For me at least, the loss of deserts wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t forever and one of them was a lemon crumble… which we had before and was way too tart. Brian and Leo were wrecks about the whole thing, but it was passable. And even repairing the boats wasn’t too bad. Ms. Fisher made sure to bring us lemonade as we worked on them and recoating all the boats later with a fresh coat of paint and waterproof lacquer just made me feel accomplished. Victor got a blister from a bad brush at one point, and I heard new curse words… and he got a mouthful of soap for two of them after being directed at two of the younger red cabin members… but it wasn’t horrible. What was though was the loss of free time sitting on the naughty stool and constant supervision. “Will you stop squirming?” I implored to Brian on our first night of sitting on them… each of us facing the wall but his rocking causing an audible and annoying creaking sound. “But it’s so uncomfortable!” he whined. Victor groaned. “Just stop talking about it, will you? It’s bad enough we still have 30 minutes and we’re missing Texas Hold ‘Em with Tommy and Eric… but you’re complaining is driving me up the wall!” Leo said nothing… every day he seemed to retreat more into himself. ‘Just how close were he and Dwayne?’ Buit I couldn’t think about that… or the knot in the wood poking me right on my left butt cheek for the past twenty minutes. Even shifting around didn’t help it at this point. ‘And we still have two more nights of this…’ I simmered in my distaste… especially when Josephine gave us all a knowing smirk. Her presence was just the worst. Granted, Esther, Emma, Mrs. Carlisle, and the whole lot of class heads were at least equitable. They didn’t gloat and they didn’t lord their power over us. Josephine… I had left because of her. A lot of other reasons, but her constant nagging and belittling had been the action that proved too much for me. And now she was everywhere. Anytime there needed to be a volunteer, she was there. To my relief, Esther caught on… but not always. Josephine would show up and stick her nose into our business or unfold a variety of other actions that made me feel six… and no one dared call her out on it. “Now hold my hand, Miles,” she instructed me closely as we started to walk to Mr. King’s for the day, two days after our punishments had started. “Don’t want you to trip or anything…” She smirked wickedly. I hesitated. “Now, Miles… don’t make me get Mrs. Carlisle,” she threatened. “You and your friends are already in hot water around here. I don’t think she would take too kindly to any of you getting in trouble again.” She shook her head with a saddened look like she was putting on a performance for us. “And so soon too…” A grabbed her hand with a sneer. “I’m taking it, okay?” I made sure Brian took my hand and Victor took his and Leo took his. “Not like I have much of a choice around here…” I paused. “Your highness…” It was just a whisper… but she seemed to pick it up. “Was that backtalk I heard?” she snapped, squeezing my hand a little. “Of course not,” I lied. “I would never do something like that. And as you said… it would be a shame for me to do something like backtalk in all this.” I stared her down. She had heard me and she knew it and I knew it… but she had no proof. Volunteers like her were like annoying mosquitoes. A pain… but not very powerful at the end of it all. They controlled my friends and I but couldn’t dictate policy to us… they couldn’t punish us… and any action they took was an order from someone else. We might have been their puppets… but they were puppets as well. With a slight snarl, she pulled me and my friends along and down to the range. Nothing really had changed in which side people took, but Brian and Leo were both now only opting for one round with their toy bows and arrows… and the rest was off to play. “Campers…” Mr. King grumbled as we walked up. “Split in your usual groups… and Austin?” The redhead Brian had been speaking to a lot… and even the one that Uriah had known so long ago now in black cabin looked up at the grumbly instructor. “You’re on the second tier today. Mrs. Galen just messaged me.” He paused after turning away and sighed before nodding to my fellow younger cabin member. “Sorry…” Austin just seemed to accept it with a growing passive acceptance that most did as their minds slowly retreated as well. Mr. King then walked away and grumbled some more. Curiously, ever since we escaped, he had been sporting a nasty bruise over one of his eyes. ‘Wasn’t paying attention to showing how to target shoot with purple cabin’ he claimed. It was possible but Mr. King was an avid hunter and gun nut out here. Mistakes were possible… but it always felt like a stretch when he told someone about it. “Probably popped it on something hanging in his cabin,” tommy offered when the topic came up at lunch. “Just too embarrassed to admit it. Seems the type…” “Nah… he got in a fight,” Victor offered. “Says he likes to box… has to be that.” “Maybe…” Personally, I wasn’t fully convinced of really anything. He was covering something up… that was for sure. ‘But what?’ “He’s the monster. Transformed and all into human form,” Brian offered, leaning over from nearby. “It’s where you hit ‘em, Miles, remember?” All eyes turned to me. I shook my head. “No, no.” I could have said that was ridiculous, but I knew Brian by now with all this business. He wouldn’t accept it. “Gruebody’s are just monsters, Brian,” I tried to rationalize. “They don’t turn back into humans or whatever, remember?” “But…” Brian started before Tommy patted him on the back. “Hey… no worries, man.” He was always trying to comfort those around him. Being in red cabin, that job was limited and with Donny firmly in yellow and out of ACTS now, sadly, Brian seemed his next focus. “Good guess though…” The conversation mulled about and due to heavy rain, we all retreated back toward red cabin under our stretched-out rain jackets. Being humid today, I hated putting mine on. It just got so sticky for so little protection. Bonus though… it meant a meeting with ACTS. And while Esther tried to stop us, Ms. Peachy knew our predicament and came by to collect Tommy, Brian, and I to head toward the cabin. Esther wanted to come, but Ms. Peachy was adamant she could keep us under her proverbial wing. For a moment, I felt like a damsel being protected by a knight slaying the monster in the cave. I quickly shook my head of those thoughts… “Hey Fred!” I called out to our tallest member now, especially with Uriah now finally stepping down to purple last week. I could have called out to Ms. Peachy, but she seemed more absorbed with a toad hopping around the front porch of the cabin than the books in here. “Can you help me get that top book?” He smiled and came over. “Sure thing. Which one?” “That one!” I hopped up and down and then pointed to the big red one. “Got it.” Without even reaching that high, he easily plucked it off the shelf and handed it to me. “Here you go.” “Thanks.” I quickly scurried to the nearest table and cracked the book open next to my personal journal where I jotted down my theories and personal observations of the monsters. As much as none of us liked the reality of it all, our personal journals were a suggestion by Uriah. After all, if any of our memories started to slip, what we had seen, and our thoughts would be lost forever. This way, they at least could be preserved. Donny’s journal in the corner of the room was fascinating. Still, Fred meandered over and looked over my shoulder. “Myths and Legends of the Valley… interesting read. You looking for something there… or just browsing?” I nodded my head. “Looking for something…” I quickly wrote out a single note from one of the pages regarding Gruebody’s before gesturing to the nearby map of the are and our personal sightings of each of the monsters. “we don’t know about the north… too little data there and too many rumors.” “The nest!” Brian perked up, stopping briefly messing around with some paper dolls he had fashioned for himself of the monsters. There at least, they couldn’t harm him. “Right… maybe.” I tried to indulge my friend, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that Brian was fast becoming like Donny. His memory was spotty with certain facts he used to prattle off like he had always done since I had known him. He wasn’t yellow cabin… but if his recent bedwetting was any indication, he wasn’t long for it either. I turned back toward Fred and the map. “But as I was saying… the north is pretty unknown, but the south, east, and west all have monsters.” “Yes…” Fed surveyed the map and then looked back toward me with a confused expression. “And? We know that already.” “Yes… but look at this another way…” I then attached sticky notes to the map. “Look at this… it’s like Havenswood and Camp Commune are being boxed in. And the north could be just the same.” “What are you getting at, Miles?” Uriah then piped up once he pulled his nose out of his own book. “This looks like a pattern,” I tried to explain. “And most important, I have to ask but… why avoid the middle?” “You see the same with animal herds and migrations,” Billy explained. “They avoid us.” “But monsters?” Pedro questioned. “It’s always felt strange to me. These things are predatory. Alphas in their own ways. Probably retreated here because of all the urbanization around just beyond the highways and mountains… but then why suddenly stop?” “Exactly!” I held up the book. “If a monster that could easily tear us to shreds suddenly stops after a full pursuit from the woods… why is that? Is someone putting soap around the perimeter like they do to keep away deer? Is it a flower they grow? Is it a ritual?” “Ritual?” Tommy questioned, a little skeptical though. “It’s a stretch sure, but…” I opened a page where covenants were made with monsters before. “A little sacrifice here and there… mutual benefits or something? Maybe not… but there’s got to be something.” “And we care about this… why?” Fred asked, his still intact adult sensibilities kicking in. “Because if it’s a smell or a flower or a ritual… we could duplicate it and be protected as well,” I explained, trying to keep my excitement contained. “We figure out that… we could actually escape here if we wanted to.” It might have been too late for some of us… maybe, but the others? As soon as I saw the smiles slowly evolving around the room, I knew we had a plan to understand better. Problem was… it was already late in the day and soon, Ms. Peachy had to take us back so we could get ready for dinner. The rain had tapered off and that meant that Havenswood would be joining us… and that meant a bonfire and yet another ghost story for tonight… ‘Bending bones as trophies… it stalks… it haunts… it gobbles you up from the bushes if you stray from the path!’ I shuddered. The memory of the ghost story tonight about a wandering dead and vengeful spirit stalking these woods had gotten to me a little more than I liked. It was like a giant clawed hand had descended over me and was scraping my spine with each bloody tale that was told about it. From the naughty dead kids to the teen sneaky away at night who were never seen again… I just couldn’t shake it. Every snap of a twig or the rustle of leaves or the faintest of groans or howls sent shivers up my spine. ‘Is it a Wruethroat? The Ghoulmoth?’ As much as I tried, I just couldn’t help it. It was like a switch had been flipped in my brain lately that had changed me. Before all this, I used to live for the days of going to haunted houses in the Fall. The more gore and the more jump scares or teeth or chainsaws, the better. Now, it felt like I was afraid of my own shadow. The slightest bump would raise my heart rate through the roof. I kept any high-pitched yelp to a minimum… but I was still noticed. “You know it’s just some squirrels probably,” Esther tried to comfort me. “I know that!” I winced, knowing my sudden lash out back to her had given my fear away. “Sorry… I just… it feels like everything is out to get me out here.” “Well, that’s okay. We all get scared somedays.” Her words were simple but knowing I wasn’t alone did actually help. “Heck, even I get scared of the dark sometimes.” “Is someone afraid of the dark?” Victor asked, nosing in. Esther looked at me for a moment and then smiled back at him. “Nope! Just talking with Miles here. He’s going to act as my noble protector through the dark forest.” She turned back to me, a glint in her eye for me to trust her and that everything would be okay… and performed without mockery. “Right… right!” I hopped over and took her arm. Despite being taller than me, I instantly felt protective of her. And just like that, Victor smirked and backed off. Maybe he suspected something… maybe not. But there wasn’t any incident with anyone and despite her story, she was now providing comfort for me. Josephine would probably just have laughed before giving me a kiss on the forehead or taking my hand. Getting to the cabin though, my nerves were better but as the cabin started to die down and some were already going to bed, Esther stuck around for a little longer. With a recent increase in the number of campers in here, bedtime took forever. Plus, being a weekend, Esther had volunteered for extra time here. What it meant was that despite my mental clarity, I started getting tired a little earlier. Nothing like Leo, Brian, or Sammy… but not the last one out either. So, as I got ready for bed, my nerves started to screw with me again. Darkness and a whole world outside a window one of the newer cabinmates refused to close. ‘Don’t think about it… don’t think about it…’ But I wasn’t successful and as I go under my covers, I winced. ‘No, no, no. Monsters might be real… but not spirits. Just because I got in trouble doesn’t mean a spirit would come for me even if she was… and… no! Stop thinking that, Miles! You gotta stop and…’ “Miles?” A hand touched my shoulder. I nearly shot toward the ceiling and my eyes bolted open. It was just Esther with a concerned look on her face. “Shoot. Did I… did I say anything?” She shook her head. “No. Just… you looked like you were about to fight off a cougar in the woods or something? That bad stuff still on your mind?” I hesitated and then peered over her shoulder from my top bunk to ensure that Tommy and Victor, who still could stay up later without any issue, were playing Risk. “I, uh… yeah.” She smiled and rubbed my shoulder before pulling up my covers. “It’ll be okay, Miles. For tonight, maybe just focus on the overhead lights…” The cabin kept three dim but present lights on all night. “Or snuggle up in your covers and take some deep breaths. You’ll fall asleep soon and all this will be over. And besides… I’ll be here for a little longer and make sure you’re safe, okay? How’s that sound?” “I…” I hesitated and I’m not sure why, but suddenly, I felt I needed something more concrete and whipped out my hand… pinky fully extended. “Pinky promise?” I asked pathetically. But Esther being Esther just locked her pink with mine and smiled. “It’s a deal.” She retracted her hand and tucked in my covers. “But just close your eyes and try to dream pleasant things. Or focus on all the fun you’ll have tomorrow. Last day of someone following you everywhere.” That made me smile, and as I had pinky sworn by, I tried to fall asleep. First, I tried to get comfort under my blankets. Esther didn’t drift too far, but even her brief presence away caused a few thoughts to drift back… unwanted and frightening to their core. Worried, I gripped my blanket, forming a mass of sheets… and ones that I quickly clung to. Oddy, they seemed to work and I could feel my breath slow.   Fortunately, soon and sure enough after cradling my little bundle, my eyes were firmly closed. *              *              * The next morning came swift enough. As soon as my eyes closed once more the night before, I had passed out, and though my dreams weren’t the most ideal, they were good enough for me not to wake up. And being the morning around here, chaos slowly started to unfold. One AR was freaking out about a lost tooth while another panicked over a new layer of baby fat on their stomach. I just shook my head and shifted around. I fully expected to feel the softness and hear the crinkling of the fresh linen sheets we were provided with. And that might have happened around my chest… but it stopped just below my belly button. ‘Strange…’ I wiggled and to my horror… I realized why it felt strange; it was wet. Not from sweat… not from a spilled drink. This was small but a proper wet… and from me. In an instant, my world seemed to crumble beneath me. This was a tally mark in favor of yellow cabin. This was a mockery of my intact mind and my feeble body. I was still regressing, and with regression came consequences. Teeth and baby fat and loss of muscles… including the bladder at night. It was a mark of shame… of downward progress. And to make matters worse, the front door soon opened, and Josephine and Esther quickly strolled in. “Morning everyone! Esther cheerfully greeted the cabin. “Up and at ‘em, sleepyheads!” She passed me by. “That means you too, Miles!” I didn’t move. Esther noticed and doubled back. “Miles? Is there something wrong?” I could only look back at her, still submerged in my sheets. Yes, something was wrong and soon, she would know it and everyone else would as well. It wasn’t a big deal around here, and that was in my favor… but the sting didn’t dissipate anymore because of that. So, almost trembling with what came next, I shook my head… and waited for the fallout.

I'd ask her to come! When she learns there's NOTHING WRONG with you being you (find a kink familiar therapist!) maybe she'll begin to understand, especially if this has been with you forever. At the very least, she will hear this herself direct from the therapist instead of you.

@ValentinesStuff...take it from a "Hospital frequent flyer" (somewhere between 700-750 days since 2004!) You'll get through this, and be better of once the fix your heart valve! My mom had a heart valve issue, and she was literally out within 72 hours, claims she never had any pain and she just turned 78, doing great so, you'll get through this..... Are the doing this now, or is this in the future? If you ever want to "chat" (message, I don't chat much), look me up...kind of an expert at making the best of bad situations...I ALWAYS have a fan (can't sleep without one", a small bluetooth speaker for music, my CPAP, my OWN diapers as hospital diapers make DEPEND look like QUALITY! As well as anything else I might want, when I know i am going to be "in" for a week or 5!   Prayers! But the do heart valves everyday now, minimally invasive to boot! SORRY about your big toe though! THAT has to feel weird! I assume you have diabetes or something to cost you your toe? Just think, you'll be on your feet, back into life before you know it! CptKirk

What's the best booster pad to use in my diapers?