Cloth Diapers & Panties

I remember being very careful not to wrinkle or "dog ear" the pages of the big Sears catalog that showed the incontinent supplies.  

@Chicagowet1 How did Dr. E make you incontinent? What is a silicone procedure? Are you talking about a stent?

Maddison was already heading toward the kitchen when the pizza arrived; she was placed in the high chair and a bib was put on her. She turned red with embarrassment at first, but that quickly passed when she saw the pepperoni pizza—she didn't even mind drinking Sprite from a baby bottle, and she said: "Yummy, Mommy."

Really long chapter incoming...  This chapter is a lot less diaper-centric. I realize it’s not a perfect representation of therapy, but I tried to make it somewhat realistic. There will be additional days-in-the life of a DL type chapters, but this one is a bit more serious. Part Six: Talking to the Professionals Jacob sat in the pediatrician’s exam room with his mother waiting to see the doctor. They had dropped Gavin off with the babysitter they sometimes used so that the focus could be on Jacob today. Jacob was nervous – his mother had told him that they were going to talk to Dr. Ramos about his diapers. This would be the first time that he spoke to anyone other than his immediate family about his diaper habit. The nurse had already taken his vitals and sent Jacob to collect a urine sample. She had asked Maria if there were any concerns other than what she had written in the appointment notes on the clinic’s online system. Maria said, “no, just he one question.” Just before the nurse left, she handed Jacob a gown and said, “strip down to your underwear and put this gown on with the ties in the back. Your mom can help you.” While they waited, Jacob finally broke the silence, “Mom, what do you think the doctor is going to say? Do you think she will tell me to stop wearing diapers?” “I really don’t know what she will say – but she is a professional, and she is very nice. Let’s just see what happens.” At that, they heard a knock on the door followed by the entrance of Dr. Ramos and the nurse. Jacob felt his heart pounding in his chest. Dr. Ramos spoke, “Jacob! It’s good to see you. You’ve grown a lot since last time you were here. All of your vital signs look good, and your height and weight are right on the curve you’ve been on since you were a baby.” Jacob winced at the mention of baby, but he also appreciated that Dr. Ramos always spoke to him instead of just talking about him to his mother. Dr. Ramos realized what she said, but continued, “ok, let’s get the physical out of the way before we talk about your mother’s concerns.” She performed an efficient physical, checking all of Jacob’s joints, his stomach, back, ears, and eyes. While she was examining him, she asked about school, his favorite games, and other normal questions. When she was done, she sat on her stool and said, “Everything looks great. So Jacob, tell me about your diapers.” Both Maria and Jacob reacted with a start – Dr. Ramos was nothing if not direct. Jacob had no idea what to say. He had expected his mom to most of the talking. He managed to say, “what do you want to know?” “Well, I am curious why you are wearing diapers. It seems you don’t really need them; you are wearing underwear today and you didn’t have any issue giving us a urine sample. So what’s up?” Jacob looked down and said, “I don’t know. I just like them. I like how they feel.” Jacob felt his face getting warm and the sting of tears in his eyes. Dr. Ramos saw Jacob’s embarrassment, “hey Jacob, no need to be embarrassed here. I’m a doctor. We’re supposed to talk about this stuff. Is it ok if I talk to your mom about your diapers?” Jacob winced again – somehow the casualness with which Dr. Ramos talked about his diapers made them too real. The conversation broke the divide between his safe diaper world at home and the bigger world where he was a growing, mature seven-year-old. Still, he nodded and managed to see, “that’s ok.” At that, Dr. Ramos turned to Maria. “So from your message, it seems Jacob had a few accidents towards the end of the school year and has since asked to wear diapers around the house, which he does with some frequency. Is that right?” Maria answered. “Yes – he had a few accidents, and I do believe him that they were really accidents. Then one day at the start of summer vacation I saw him, well, I saw him poop his pants on purpose. After he calmed down, he asked to wear a diaper. And well, my husband and I have let him wear a diaper around the house.” “I see. Does he wear a diaper when you leave the house? “No – only around the house and to bed.” “Does he use the diapers?” “Yes.” “And he was a bedwetter before, correct?” “He wet the bed until just before he turned seven. He had stopped wearing protection at night probably six weeks or so before his first accident.” “Ok, and when you leave the house, does he have any trouble making it to the bathroom? Has he had any accidents while wearing regular underwear?” “No – when he is in underwear, he makes it to the bathroom every time.” “Interesting. Maria – and Jacob – what specific questions do you have for me before I offer a few suggestions?” Jacob looked at his mom and shrugged. Maria answered. “I guess I’m worried about a few things. First, are we doing the right thing by letting him wear diapers? Second, should we be worried about Jacob psychologically? Third, is it bad for him to wear diapers? And I guess just generally, I don’t know what’s going on.” Jacob felt a little bad at that moment. He hadn’t realized how worried his mom was about his diapers; he had just thought about how much he had been enjoying wearing them around the house. He said, “maybe I should just stop wearing them.” Dr. Ramos then spoke, “Jacob, do you want to stop wearing them?” “No – I like them.” Dr. Ramos continued. “I’m going to be honest, this situation is new to me. It’s not unusual for older siblings to regress a little when a new baby brother or sister joins the family, especially if they just finished potty training. I’ve also seen plenty of kids who resist potty training for a long time. But I haven’t seen a circumstance exactly like this. “As his doctor, I can tell you he his healthy, and it sounds like he is doing well in school. And from your answers to the general check-up questions, he behaves well at home. Given that, I don’t think the diapers are hurting him.” Maria interjected, “but do you think it could affect his control? He does have to go back to school next month.” “It shouldn’t affect his control – that’s not how the bladder works. He’s demonstrated he can still control his bladder and bowels when in underwear. I could imagine a scenario where he is so used to diapers he forgets for a moment and has a small accident, but for now I’m not worried about his bladder health.” When Dr. Ramos paused, Maria quietly asked, “so what should we do?” Dr. Ramos answered. “I don’t think you should take his diapers away right now – I don’t think it would be good for any of you. That said, this is an unusual circumstance. I am going to recommend you take him to a child psychologist to talk about this. There is a practice I strongly recommend that emphasizes play therapy while also providing coaching for parents; it’s not full family therapy, but it often helps families navigate challenging situations. I think this qualifies.” “So keep doing what we’re doing while we reach out to this therapist?” “Yes – that’s what I would do. We’ll put all the information in Jacob’s patient portal. Jacob – do you have any questions?” All Jacob really heard was that Dr. Ramos told him he could keep wearing diapers. He just shook his head no. “Good! Once you get dressed, you can check out at the front desk. Good luck in school! I’ll see you next year! Oh, and Maria – you’re a good mom.” Maria sniffed and  said, “thank you. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.” With that, Dr. Ramos left the room. Maria and Jacob both paused for a second. Maria chuckled and said, “well, kiddo, I guess you still get to wear diapers.” Jacob smiled.     Thankfully, the practice that Dr. Ramos recommended was taking new patients and had availability – apparently summer vacation meant a lot of kids were taking a break from therapy. They were able to book an evening session so that both James and Maria could attend, and the clinic offered childcare for siblings during sessions. The clinic itself resembled a pre-school or daycare more than a doctor’s office. After they checked in, a staffer came out to meet Gavin and took him to a play area full of toys, books, and a few other children. Before Jacob and his parents could sit down, another door opened; a woman dressed in comfortable, casual clothes stepped out said, “Jacob! My name is Stephanie Blankenship. We’re ready to meet you and your parents! Y’all can follow me back to our office.” As they followed Stephanie to her office, they noticed a few small rooms that were full of different toys and art supplies. Stephanie’s office was a large, cozy space decorated with warm vibrant colors. There was a couch and several comfortable looking chairs. Another person was waiting for them in the office. Stephanie said, “everyone grab a seat. This is Rebecca Green, she part of our coaching team. Rebecca – this is Jacob and his parents, James and Maria.’ With that, everyone took a seat. Stephanie started the conversation. “Just a little about us. As you already know, we focus on play therapy here. At the same time, we recognize that families that visit us often have bigger questions which is why we offer parent coaching together with therapy. If you continue with us, we will typically start as a group with the three of you, Rebecca and myself. Then I’ll take Jacob to one of our spaces while Rebecca meets with Maria and James. At the end of the session, we will all get together for a quick debrief. We can even bring in Jacob’s little brother if we need to. Any questions so far?” Maria and James both said no – they had done a lot of reading about the practice before this session. Jacob just sat in silence. His parents had described roughly what to expect. “Great! So today we are going to do our general intake session and just get to know one another. Before we start I do want to talk about confidentiality. With that, she went through legally required confidentiality rules before explaining, “I think it’s also important for all of us to understand that Jacob’s conversations with me are also private. Jacob – I will only tell your parents what you say to me if I think I need to tell them for your safety and well being or if you explicitly tell me that it’s ok. Maria and James – I need you to respect Jacob’s privacy. You can ask him about his session, but shouldn’t pressure him to share everything he says. If you have concerns about the sessions, you can bring them to me or report them through our system. Is everyone ok with that?” Maria and James both said yes, while Jacob nodded. Stephanie spoke directly to Jacob, “Jacob can you tell me what I said about our sessions? I need you to agree out loud, not just nod your head.” Jacob answered, “You aren’t going to tell my parents everything I say without telling me first. Is that right?” “Exactly! With that, we need to start with some general intake questions. We are going to do some of this as a family, then we will split up and finish up.” For the next 30 minutes or so, Stephanie and Rebecca guided everyone through standard intake questions. Once they finished those questions, Rebecca said, “before Stephanie and Jacob head out, we think it’s important that everyone say why we’re here. James and Maria – we understand that you may not want to give full details, but it’s important for you to share with Jacob why we are here, and Jacob, we want to hear from you what you think is going on. Jacob you go first.” Jacob took a breath – this was a lot to think about. His answer was short, “we’re here because I like to wear diapers even though I don’t need them. My parents are worried about me. And I guess I’m worried because I know it’s weird that I like diapers.” Rebecca turned to James and Maria, “and Mom and Dad? What do you think?” James answered first, “I think Jacob has summed it up well. Just to add, we’ve let him wear diapers around the house and even babied him a little from time to time. Yes, we are concerned for him, but we also want to know if we’re doing the right thing.” Stephanie said, “well, it sounds like we all agree why we’re here! These are really big questions you have. I want to be clear that we don’t always have clear answers, but Rebecca and I hope we can help you navigate this.” With that, Stephanie took Jacob to one of the rooms he had seen earlier while Maria and James stayed with Rebecca. When they got to the room, Stephanie said, “today we just really want to get to know one another. While we do that, you can pick what we do. We can play with blocks, do a puzzle, draw pictures, or just sit.” Jacob looked around the room and then gravitated to the set of wood building blocks. He pulled it out and said, “can we build a tower?” “Sure! That would be fun.” Jacob and Stephanie started building a tower, Stephanie following Jacob’s lead. After a few minutes, Stephanie asked Jacob to tell her about school, guiding him through a conversation about his favorite classes, his favorite teachers, and his friends. They also talked about Jacob’s favorite spots, video games, books, and all sorts of other stuff. While talking, they finished the tower, then turned to coloring. Jacob didn’t typically play with coloring books, but he flipped through the offerings and settled on coloring book about sports. He was surprised when Stephanie said, “ok, Jacob, that’s all our time for today. It’s been great getting to know you – let’s go meet your parents and Rebecca now. Is there anything you talked to me about you don’t want to share with your parents?” Jacob was a little dumbfounded. Diapers hadn’t come up at all – nothing he had said was a secret. He said, “No? I don’t feel like we talked about anything important.” Stephanie responded, “of course we did! I learned all sorts of things about your school and friends. All of that stuff is important because it means something to you.” As they walked back to Stephanie’s office, Jacob thought about that.   Back in the office, Jacob noticed that his mom’s eyes were a little red, but both James and Maria smiled when he and Stephnie entered. Rebecca started the debrief, “Jacob, your parents and I had a really good conversation. I’ll let them share whatever they want to, but I just want to say that your parents love you very much. From talking to them, you sound like an amazing kid.” Stephanie spoke next, “Jacob and I just got to know one another – it sounds like he really likes school! I think we have a lot to explore. I would like to see Jacob again soon to get to know him better. We tend to have openings this time of year, what do y’all think about setting up two or three more sessions over the next two weeks? James and Maria said, “that sounds good – should we schedule that with you now?” “You can do it at the front desk when you leave.” Later that evening when he was diapering Jacob, James asked, “so what did you think of therapy?” Jacob answered, “I don’t know – it was fun. We just played and talked.” “Was it what you expected?” “I don’t know. She didn’t ask me anything about diapers. I thought that was why we were there.” “Hmmm. I’m sure it will come up at some point.”   It came up early in the next session. Once they were in the playroom, Stephanie again let Jacob pick the first activity. This time Jacob pulled out the train set. It wasn’t nearly as extensive as the one they had at home, but there were enough parts to build a decent track. As he sat down at the table and started assembling a track, Stephanie said, “So Jacob, if you’re comfortable, why don’t you talk to me about what’s been going on the last few months?” Jacob said, “do you mean tell you about my diapers?” “Well, yes, but I just want to hear from you what’s been going on. You don’t have to try to explain why stuff happened, just talk to me and tell me what happened. Just like last week.” As he played, Jacob just started talking about his accidents. He blushed when he admitted to pooping his pants the first time – that didn’t seem very grown up. For some reason, he also talked about his bedwetting, his goodnites, and Gavin’s overnight diapers. He talked about the end of school and how he just kept thinking about his accidents and wondering what it would be like to wear a diaper again. As he talked, he finished building the track and began absent-mindedly pushing the train around it. Everyone once in a while, he would revise the train track and push the train around some more. He got quiet after talking about how he had been thinking about peeing his pants as the school year ended. Stephanie asked, “so, how did you start wearing diapers again?” Jacob was quiet for a moment. It was one thing to admit to having pooped himself on accident. It was another to admit he did it on purpose. Stephanie pushed her own train around the track and said, “you only have to talk to me about what you want to, but I’m here to help. I’m just trying to understand everything that’s going on.” Jacob felt his voice catch – for some reason he was on the verge of tears as he said, “one day I was playing and needed to use the bathroom and just thought that it might be fun to go in my pants. And then I did.” “Ok - and what did you think after you did it?” “I was scared – I was worried what my mom would think, and I was worried I’d get in trouble.” “Were you worried about that before you went in your pants?” “Not really – I was outside by myself and I kind of thought that I might get in trouble, but I’d been thinking about it so much I just wanted to see what it felt like.” At this point Stephanie handed him a Kleenex to wipe his eyes and nose. Jacob went on to talk about how scared he was when his mom presented the diaper, but also how excited he was. In the short time that was left, he talked about how he didn’t know why, but he just really liked it when his mom and dad put him in a diaper. In their debrief, Stephanie told James and Maria that she and Jacob had had a really good conversation about his accidents and started talking about his diapers; she didn’t add much more than that.   During his next session, Jacob barely talked about diapers at all. Basically, he told Stephanie about everything else that he had been doing around the house, with his friends, and with his brother. He did mention that he had also enjoyed using a sippy cup and that he liked it sometimes when his mom checked his diaper, but there was a lot less specific discussion of diapers. At their debrief, Stephanie gave a quick rundown of their conversation; just as before, Stephanie asked him what she could share. Jacob didn’t think anything was out of bounds. Stephanie did say that at their next session, she thought it would be a good idea for them to have a conversation as a family. Rebecca concurred that this was probably a good idea, and that she and Stephanie would compare notes.   Jacob was a little curious about what his parents conversations had been like. Nothing had really changed around the house; he was still wearing diapers most of the time he was home, and mom wasn’t treating him any different.   At their next session, Jacob and his parents met with Stephanie and Rebecca together. Stephanie started the conversation. “We though it was good to do a check-in today and make a plan for how we are going to continue. First, let me just say that Jacob seems like a really mature, thoughtful young man who happens to like wearing diapers. Second, we’re impressed with how you have been navigating this situation. It can’t be easy for any of you. If it’s ok with Jacob, we’d like to talk to James and Maria alone for a minute. Jacob, you can go play with your brother. Is that ok?” Jacob nodded. Once Stephanie and Rebecca were alone with James and Maria, Stephanie began, “I think it’s important to start with acknowledging that your son’s desire to wear diapers is unusual. Note I didn’t say abnormal, but it is different. After talking with him, I think he was feeling very stressed towards the end of the school year. It sounds like he really likes school, but has very high expectations for himself. While accidents do sometimes happen with kids his age, I’m not terribly surprised that his accidents happened just as he was finishing state testing. “Lots of kids have mechanisms to deal with stress. For some it’s stuffed animal or a blanket. For Jacob right now, it seems to be diapers.”  Maria asked, “are we doing the right thing by letting him wear diapers around the house?” Rebecca answered, “I’m not sure there is one right answer, but we think you are handling the situation as well as can be expected. One recommendation we would have is to not use taking away diapers as a punishment – that’s likely to be counterproductive. It would be like taking away a favorite stuffed animal. That said, we do think it’s important to continue to set clear expectations about when diapers are and are not appropriate.” The conversation continued as Stephanie and Rebecca went through other parenting strategies and suggested that Jacob may wear diapers less on his on as he found other activities at school. The last thing Stephanie said to James and Maria stuck with them. “Rebecca and I debated whether or not talk to you about what I’m going to say next, but we thought it might provide some context and let you know that you are not alone. In grad school, I studied with a clinician who counseled adults who are part of what is called the ABDL community.” Stephanie then gave a quick explanation of what an ABDL is. “A lot of people in the community first express an interest in diapers at an early age. Many are highly successful adults who just happen to like diapers. One thing we are pretty sure of is that fascination with wearing diapers is unlikely to go away – there is no explanation of why someone gravitates to diapers instead of something else.” James asked, “is this a problem? Should we trying to discourage it more?” It was Rebecca’s turn. “We don’t think so. That said, like a lot of behaviors, we do need to manage it so that it doesn’t interfere with other aspects of his life. If diapers get in the way of continuing with other normal kid activities, like school, sports, clubs and one day thinking about college, then we get worried. There are actually a few resources for parents with children who may be ABDL – we can send those to you if you like. We would actually recommend not getting on the internet about this for now; as with many things, the internet doesn’t always give the best picture of certain communities.” Stephanie finished, “For now, Jacob seems to be doing well. I think it’s a good idea for us to do at least monthly check-ins. Keep doing what you’re doing. As you get ready for the school year, it’s a good idea to sit down and talk with Jacob about what that is going to look like, and even discussing letting him handle his diapers on his own when appropriate.”   James and Maria felt somewhat relieved that Jacob was generally healthy. That night before bed, however, James did sort of laugh and say to his wife, “I guess our celebration of being done with diapers really was premature. Sounds like we’re going to deal with this for a while.”  

I am usually either totally dry or just slightly wet when I wake up so I will do my morning breakfast routine before I change.  Sometimes it will shift when my wife wants to be part of it. Last week she changed me before she went to work so like 6 in the morning.