You know, you can have both. You can find an awesome wife that very open minded with kinks, another abdl, and a mommy/cargiver. r
It's possible, and your able to have a family still too I believe, just have your abdl gears hidden and locked away in a storage container or safe. In your closet, office, shed, or wherever your kids are not allow to be in ( my plan is to have a mancave/office room in a detached garage or shed, lock the door when im having little time or doing other adult things, then lock the door when I'm done).
If you can't have your abdl time at home, then you can find a nice abdl friend close to you and have your abdl time at there place when ever you need a weekend get away.
And if you raised you kids to be a bit more openminded, they won't be as bugged out of they find out when they are older teen/adults.
and if you want to break from the abdl side you can do that too.
REMEMBER it's all about balance and control