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Dr_J

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Dr_J last won the day on December 11 2014

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About Dr_J

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  • Birthday 07/01/1986

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    Central New York
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    30

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  1. I'm going on vacation from Wednesday until my birthday, July 1st. I will literally not be on here for that timeframe. So sorry for any lack of communication! I need a break from everything, anyway! Haha.

  2. Heya MN! Haven't seen ya on in a while! Hope you're doing good!

  3. Welcome to the site, Avery! I hope you like it here. Feel free to shoot me a message if you're up for chatting! I was in a similar position as you when I first discovered this lifestyle, and so have a lot of other folks here.
  4. Hi! Nice to meet you too!
  5. Chapter 2 of The Urge and the Purge is up!

  6. Thanks for all of the feedback, everyone, both via replies and private messages! Here is chapter 2. Feedback is always appreciated! Chapter 2 Weird, huh? It's okay if you think this all sounds insane so far, because it is insane. I don't know what I did the night before that made the voice appear, but I sure as hell didn't like it. Still, as she promised, as soon as the diaper was on, there was silence; no cutesy talking woman trying to encourage me to delve into my fetish. Not that I'm not okay with that, but being that it was something I'd never done with anyone before, I didn't exactly feel comfortable with someone I didn't even know talking me through it. What did she mean by the other voice, though? It wouldn't be long before I found out, and let me tell you... With the voice gone, I walked (or I guess, waddled) back into the living room, trying to block out the events that had just occurred a few moments before. It didn't take long, either, as I resumed my cartoons, occasionally curling up in a ball to hear my diaper crinkle. It made me smile, and made me hopeful that someone would someday find it adorable and interesting. It made my stressful work week go away. I swear, if I didn't know any better, sometimes I'd think it was a drug. My ritual continued with more cartoons, followed by crawling and rolling around on the floor, imagining myself being told to do these things by a loving but slightly teasing woman. Then, I waddled into the kitchen and fetched myself a drink, again imagining someone was holding me and feeding me the drink, telling me everything was fine. I smiled to myself, getting lost in my own little world. Hey, think of me as you will, but you have to improvise when there's no one around to participate. Normally, I'd finish by wetting my diaper, sometimes in more ways than one. Hey! I know it's not for everyone, but give a guy a break, will ya? I used to get so lonely and like I said before, it's like a drug. The problem would arise right around that time; I'd argue with myself in my head that it was wrong, that it was naughty, that I was an adult and shouldn't even be doing something so silly. Meanwhile, the other side of the argument, the urge, would tell me this is what I wanted, what I needed, what made me happy. Of course, I'd give in just about every time, and would then feel guilty immediately after the fact. Something would click in my brain, and I'd be disgusted with myself. This particular time, I'd mustered up the courage to kneel down on the living room floor, finishing my bottle of juice while watching yet another cartoon where the main character was being babied by an over caring, borderline crazy lady. As I watched, I knelt down a little further, putting my thumb in my mouth as I heard from the cartoon, “Time to change the baby's diaper!” “But I don't wear diapers! I'm not a baby!” the main character cried, before having a pacifier stuffed into his mouth. Imagining myself in a similar scenario, I took it a step further, quietly closing my eyes and beginning to wet my diaper. The faint hissing sound, the warmth spreading throughout the diaper and pressing up against me, the helpless feeling about what I'd just done, all overwhelming me. I imagined someone standing there, calmly playing with my hair, patting my diaper softly, telling me I was so good for using my diaper, and that I'd get a change as soon as I was done. It felt so right, like an out of body experience as I whisked myself away to another world. However, my adult mind fought back, conflicting with what I'd done, telling myself that I'd never, ever, find anyone into this lifestyle. Then, as I finished wetting, sitting on my diapered butt and looking down at what I'd done, it got a lot louder... What have you done?! The voice, unlike the Urge's sweet, caring, soft one, was gruff and much more adult in nature. It almost sounded like me, but much meaner. “Shit!” I freaked out, again looking towards the entrance to my apartment to check for a visitor. Then I remembered what the Urge had told me. You're 28 years old, and you're wearing and wetting a diaper! What the hell is wrong with you? You can't do that! It's not normal! I bit my lip, my body and mind being jolted back into reality. I felt awful, the diaper felt awful, making me frown and cringe. Yeah, real manly, right? You know if you do this, and continue this, you will NEVER find a woman. Your friends would rat you out, your family would disown you, and nobody will ever take you seriously, Michael. Grow the hell up! Snap out of it. You do this every time. Nothing ever changes. “Stop it, please,” I cried, “what are you doing?” I'm telling you what you need to hear! It didn't take long for me to figure out who was talking. “The Purge...” I sighed, shaking a little bit. Understand something: never had I expected to have someone (or something) talk to me so brutally before. Sure, I did it to myself in my own head, but my voice wasn't as gruff, and I wasn't as hard on myself as the Purge was. You better get out of that awful thing. What if someone shows up unexpectedly at the apartment? How will you talk your way out of it? This makes you feel like such a freak! You need to get rid of all of your stuff and never return to it again! “J-just go away. Leave me alone!” Not going to happen, Michael. You know you get this way from time to time. “Ugh,” I whined, getting up and shuffling to my room, feeling like a dog with its tail between its legs, “I like the other voice better already.” Ha! The sad truth is, you cannot have one without the other. Your brain doesn't work that way. And like my counterpart, I will be here whenever your resentment kicks in, and I will go away when the feeling has subsided. “That's just freaking great.” I sighed, quickly pulling the diaper off and bagging it up before throwing it in the trash. “Do you have to sound so evil?” It's your subconscious that manifested me, so yes, I do. You look at me as an awful feeling, hence, this is the personality I took on. Heading back towards the bathroom, I shook my head a little bit before running the shower, jumping in when the water was warm enough and getting more frustrated. “Well, thank you, both of you, for ruining my day, and possibly the rest of my life.” It will only ruin your life if you let it. Remember, you asked for this. “But I didn't ask for this!” I countered, lathering my entire body with soap before switching to shampoo for my hair. It appears the Urge was right. You don't remember much from last night. “W-what happened?” Either try to remember or ask your friends. For now, I must go. It seems you're not as upset with yourself for what you've done. Farewell, Michael. “Damn it,” I whispered, throwing my shampoo bottle over the shower curtain, hearing it land on the bathroom floor with a thud. Finishing up with my shower, I wrapped a towel around my body before grabbing my phone off the coffee table. A message notification from my closes friend since middle school, Jessica, blinked across the screen, begging to be opened. [Mike! Are you alive?] it read. Rather than text a response, I swiped right on the screen and called Jessica. She picked up after the third ring, answering with, “Heyyyy, buddy! You're alive!” “Yeah,” I laughed, “what a night. Thanks again for taking me out with everyone. I had a fun time.” “Anything for you! Besides, you were pretty much the life of the party.” “Well, I had fun, from what I can remember. The last half of the night's a bit fuzzy.” “Don't tell me you don't remember the boardwalk?!” Jessica gasped into the phone. “I don't remember! I'm sorry! Cut me a break, will ya? We had way too many margaritas. What happened at the boardwalk?” “Well, aside from getting denied a drink at four bars, you insisted on dancing with everyone anytime you heard music, which was pretty much 90 percent of the boardwalk. Oh, and you convinced us to give you money to see a psychic.” “What?” I laughed. “You can't be serious.” “I am! 50 bucks! You're lucky everyone loves you, Mike.” Jessica giggled. “Damn, I don't even remember going there.” The psychic. It was a shot in the dark, but maybe it'd lead me to a clue! “So, whatcha doing today? Just recovering?” Jessica asked. Not wanting to tell her about the voices, I replied with, “Yeah. I've been on the couch most of the day.” “Aww, poor baby.” Jessica playfully cooed. She probably heard my eyes roll to the back of my head. Not being in the mood for little time, I shut off my normal response of blushing and making a joke. And yet, the Urge felt otherwise. Mikey, she cooed to you! I know she's been your friend forever, but I bet she'd be a great babysitter! Plus, I think she kinda likes you. Telling the Urge to shut up in my head, I shook it off and responded back to Jessica, “Haha, real funny. But anyway, I'm going to probably drink more water and rest up some more. Thanks again for everything, Jessica. I'll see you and everyone later this week.” “Sounds good, Mike! Let me know if you need anything!” “Will do. Bye!” I hung up the phone, then headed into my room to put some clothes on, looking in the mirror as I did so. “I thought you only said you come out when I desire my fet-I mean, my dia-I mean, my lifestyle preference!” I snarled, stuttering, as I didn't like to hear myself say aloud what it was I liked. I do. Jessica was on the phone, Mikey. That's all I'm going to say. “I have got to figure this out.”I threw my clothing on, wincing and dizzily walking to get my sneakers, wallet, and phone. Grabbing my keys and sunglasses, I left the apartment, making my way to the boardwalk in search of some answers. **** Your thoughts?
  7. Heya! Welcome to the community! ^_^

    1. EvieAngel91

      EvieAngel91

      thank you!

  8. Working til 9-ish! Will respond to messages when I get home! :D

  9. Thank you for the feedback (and teasing, Oceans! I love it! ) But yes, we'll see where it goes. It will be more focused on an inner struggle than anything else, but I've got some ideas for how I want it all to play out.
  10. "What's this?! J posted his first chapter of a new story?! Madness!" 

    It's true, folks!!! :D

  11. Howdy, everyone. I know it's been a long, long, long time since I last posted anything of any kind of writing in here. Heck, I hardly really post anything for that matter, anymore. And for that, I'm sorry. Kind of lost touch with a lot of old friends in here, and have felt out of place. However, I've begun an idea for a story that's something different for me. We know of our urge and purge cycles...what if they had their own personalities? I present to you, The Urge & The Purge, a fictional story that answers that question. It's going to be a bit out there, and dark at times, and will hopefully keep you guys and gals interested and guessing. Let me know what you think of Chapter 1! Chapter 1 There is a war going on that nobody knows about. It's not being covered by the news, there are no soldiers being deployed, no peace treaties being signed, no real casualties. Confused yet? I can't say I blame you. You see, this isn't a war in the cliché fashion that normally comes to mind; rather, the war is within myself. My body is the battleground, my psyche, emotions, and impulses are the weapons, and my mind is the collateral damage. I've been fighting it my whole life without even knowing it until more recently, and yet my friends and family haven't the slightest fucking clue of what's going on. Maybe had I never caved and given in to my curiosity, none of this would've happened. Then again, maybe not... My name is Thomas Bannon, I'm 34 years old and live on my own. Family's about three hours away, got a really great set of friends who are pretty much my second family, been single for a few years. I've got a decent job doing tech support for a small credit union about 15 minutes from my apartment. If this all sounds too typical, here's the curve ball: I'm an adu—I mean, I'm a dia—I mean...damn it, I sometimes like to wear diapers and/or be babied, okay? There, I said it. On days when I'm feeling good about myself, I'm a nice guy with a bit of a kink. On my bad days, however, I'm one of those “freaks that's into that weird fetish crap.” Depends on my mood, really...but more importantly, it depends on who's winning the war. Still confused? I'll try to put it in the easiest form of understanding as possible. I'm not schizophrenic, but there are voices that bother me sometimes. These aren't voices of the dead, or other people's thoughts (but damn, wouldn't that be awesome!). Rather, they're mine, and they tend to speak out any time something triggers my desire to tap into my diaper kink, or if I think too much about it and how it relates to me as a person or the rest of my life. Through some personal research, it would be determined that these voices of mine are what I call The Urge and the Purge. Sounds crazy, I know. But, I'm hoping you'll give me the benefit of the doubt and at least hear me out. Getting into this lifestyle was similar to most other people I've talked to or read about in the various support forums and communities; I played house at a young age with some friends, wound up playing the baby, enjoyed it quite a bit, and figured it'd go away. Hell, was I wrong! It evolved into a full-fledged kink that's been haunting me since my teens. Yeah, I explored it more, and yeah, I talked to (and talk to) different folks online about it. No, I haven't had a woman indulge me in my kink yet. No, I'm not in a relationship where I'm too nervous to reveal my occasional choice in lifestyle and attire. No, I don't want to engage in it 24/7. Just like most people, I discovered that there were (and sometimes still are) times when I really had this burning desire to just strip right down, slap a diaper around my waist, and jump right into the rabbit hole. And I mean really had this burning desire! What's that? My friends want me to go to the bar? Ohhh, no, couldn't possibly do that! It's diaper time, after all. Oh! Good morning, Mike! Let's start the morning off with wearing a diaper and using it for one purpose or another! It's like a drug, you see. I'm taken to another head space, another world, away from all the bullshit we call reality. Most of the time, my body would yearn for it, and I'd be good at keeping it at bay until I felt ready. But let me tell you something: when that urge sets in, it sets in hard. Then we move onto the other side of the coin; that feeling of disgust, of feeling like an outcast. That, “Mike, what the hell is wrong with you, you freak?!” mindset. It'd get to a point where I'd throw out my stash of diapers, delete any and all stories, videos, and images I'd stored on my crappy backup laptop, and clear my browsing history, even though I'd surf the web in private mode. And I'd walk away from it for days, sometimes weeks at a time. It wouldn't be long before the cycle would repeat itself once more. Don't ask me what made the voices manifest, because I couldn't tell you if I tried, but I will never forget the day it started. The day after my 23rd birthday, I was in rough shape. After all, a heavy night of drinking and partying with friends until ungodly hours of the morning will do that to anyone. Anyway, I had nothing planned for the next day, and knowing that, I'd planned to have a little diaper time thrown in somewhere during the day. While watching some classic cartoons (say what you will, but when I'm not feeling good, I swear they help me feel better!), a particular episode came on where the characters on the screen found themselves sent through a conveyor belt that prepared freshly hatched eggs for delivery to their families. This included powdering, diapering, feeding and burping, all that good stuff. While I'm not necessarily full-fledged adult baby, the idea of being embarrassed in such a way does excite me from time to time. That's all it took to spark my desire, and while I so badly wanted to get up from the couch, part of me also felt too tired and weak from the night before to move. That, and I knew what the end of the cycle would bring me before long. “No, stop,” I thought to myself, “I'm going to end up indulging myself, then feeling like an idiot as soon as I'm done.” Then it happened. But Mikey, look at how cute they look on the television, getting all diapered up even though they're clearly adults! How embarrassing for them! Maybe you should put one on and join them! The voice was benevolent and soft like silk, spoken by a female. It sounded like she was right up to my ear, whispering or speaking at a very low volume, and while it was kind, it still scared the hell out of me. Shooting up from my couch, my eyes widened as I yelled out a quick, “W-who's there?!”, obviously embarrassed by the mere thought of having someone watching, let alone knowing about, what I wanted to do. There was a moment of silence, aside from the cartoon continuing to play. Then it happened again. Awww, you can clearly see that squirrel is not enjoying himself being powdered and pampered by those mechanical arms! Isn't that something you've imagined, Mikey? Being all trapped in a room where the robots ignore your every plea and just diaper you and feed you, until eventually someone finds you and takes care of you herself? “What the hell?!” I jumped away from the couch, pausing the cartoon and quickly taking out my phone, checking to see if someone had pranked me. That wasn't it. I then looked around my apartment, flipping cushions and looking around the ceilings and floors for any hidden speakers. Nothing. The blinds were closed, the doors were locked, so nobody could see or get in...unless they'd slipped in the night before during my drunken stupor! But I didn't know anyone with a voice like that! Still, I searched every closet, the bathroom, the bedroom, every nook and cranny, only to find I was alone. Mikey, you went right to your closet, right where your diapers were, and you didn't put one on? Tsk, tsk. I know it's what you want. Listening more closely, a faint echo could be heard when the voice spoke. It wasn't someone in the room! Similar to how I think, the voice was an inner voice! “What's happening to me?” I whispered, running back to the bathroom and splashing my face with water. “Am I still drunk?” No, Mikey. You aren't drunk anymore. But you needn't be so tense. I am just pushing you towards where you want to be: diapered, comfortable, and maybe even a bit naughty! “Stop,” I cried, “this isn't funny!” I'm not being funny, Mikey! You know that all you want to do is take those awful pajamas and boxers off, and put one of those thick diapers hiding in your closet on. Go on, do it! You planned it for today, didn't you? “Cut it out! Who or what are you?” Why, I am the Urge, silly! Well, your Urge, to be exact. My what? What the hell was she—or it—talking about? “I don't understand! Am I going crazy?!” No, of course not. Think of me as your conscience, as it relates to your little fetish! I blushed hard at the thought, becoming flustered rather quickly. Nobody ever talked to me in such a gentle tone about anything as it related to this lifestyle, and despite the voice's calm manner, I was still uncomfortable. You are embarrassed, the voice spoke, but you don't need to be around me. I know all about you, because I'm part of you. Part of your subconscious, to be exact. “So nobody else can hear you? And where did you come from?” Not another soul, Mikey. Only you! And I already told you, Mikey. I'm from your subconscious! “You came out of nowhere, just like that?” Not much of a recollection of last night, huh? Don't worry. Your brain will put the pieces together at some point. All you need to know is that Purge-y boy and I are here for a while. “Purge-y? What the hell is that?” Tsk, tsk! Language! My complete opposite: The Purge! But you'll meet him in due time. Don't mind his voice, though...it's a bit scary! “J-just go away!” I yelled. Now, that's not very nice, coming from the guy who asked for this, is it? Oh! I fear I may have already said too much. But anywho, it's going to be a while before we leave. I might also suggest that you not shout like that, because if nobody else can hear us, you'll definitely raise some eyebrows. In the meantime, why not enjoy what you set out to enjoy today, hmmm? A nice, fresh, thick, crinkly diaper, wrapped around your waist with that powder you love. “Way to ruin the fucking moment for me.” I sighed, now focused on what The Urge had mentioned about me asking for this. Had something actually happened the night before that I didn't recall? Maybe I saw a hypnotist. Maybe I revealed my lifestyle to someone and they decided to play a huge prank on me. Or, maybe I had gone crazy after a night of drinking. Mikey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I was only to make my first appearance the next time you found yourself desiring some diaper fun. Now, if you relax and give in, I'll leave for a while, just like I do any other time! Think of me as a voice for this particular urge you get from time to time! When the urge is fulfilled, it goes away! “Now I feel like someone's watching me.” I complained. “But you're telling me if I give in, you'll leave?” Precisely! But if you don't, I'll linger for a while, unless you think you can deter yourself from indulging yourself, which I think you and I both know is near impossible for you! “Don't remind me.” I scowled. So cute when you pout! Now, chop, chop! March into that room of yours and get a diaper on! “Ugh, alright, alright, if it'll get you to shut up...” I groaned, hoping this would work. Still paranoid that this voice was watching me somehow, I stripped down to just my t-shirt, opened a fresh diaper, filled it with plenty of powder, and laid atop it, sprinkling more powder all over my body before taping up the diaper nice and snug. However, as if straight out of some cartoon, as soon as the last tape was fastened, the voice returned with a, Aww, there we go! Now you're on your way, Mikey! All ready to bounce and wiggle around in that super thick diaper, smelling that powder until you're so happy you wet yourself! I wonder if you'll do anything else in there, too? “H-hey, stop!” I growled, getting very defensive. S-sorry! Just want you to enjoy yourself! I mean, I know you will an- “Shut up!” -sorry! I'm off! Toodles! I looked around, lying on my back for a few moments, listening for any sign of the voice. It was the weirdest thing I'd ever experienced in my freaking life. And it's only the beginning of this whole freaking mess! --Chapter 2 will introduce The Purge!
  12. Had a job interview that went well (and for something I really want!). I hope for the best!!!

  13. "I think I need help,

    'cause I'm drowning in myself

    It's sinkin in, I can't pretend that I've been through hell,

    I think I need help, I'm drowning in myself"

  14. New Track! :D

     

  15. Heya and welcome, Shygirl! Hope you like it here and make some awesome friends! Feel free to shoot me a message anytime!!!