Baby Talk

--- Chapter 64 --- “Kelly,” Greg sighed. “Just a walk! We’ll be quick!” Kelly shouted as she hurried out the back door with Sam in tow. “Ehh, it’s fine,” Charlie dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Let them have some girl talk.” “You love being a part of girl talk,” Greg rebutted as he turned towards his brother, who was descending from his high chair. “Not when it’s about me!” Charlie scoffed and hopped onto the floor. “I like listening to women gossip and shit-talk each other. That part’s fun. And it’s good intel.” “I just…” Greg trailed off, glancing back at the door and frowning; Kelly had sprung into action so quickly after Sam’s tears that he had barely been able to react. He felt disquieted about being separated from her in this moment, worried perhaps Kelly was fevering or overreacting. “Look, ehh,” Charlie sighed, running his hands through his hair and scratching at his scalp. “Let’s just trust Kelly on this one. She goes with our shit all the time… I think we can return the favor.” Greg swallowed and nodded; it was a fair point, though he would have preferred to honor it in some other instance than this one. “Come on,” Charlie called out, throwing his hand up and beckoning Greg away from the kitchen. “Catch me up on shit. You mentioned something about DLS?” Greg’s face lit up in surprise – how had he forgotten? He spun around, nodded, and took a deep breath. Kelly drew in a deep breath as soon as the door shut behind her, and she sighed it out, relieved to be out of the house and that stuffy-feeling room, though guilty for having made the decision so quickly. She swallowed, staring out over the backyard as the wind traveled through the trees, an embarrassed heat still lingering in her cheeks and chest. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to…” Kelly spoke in a hushed tone, heaving sighs between her pauses, and she closed her eyes. Shaking her head, she took a few steps forward, opened her eyes, and looked up at the sky, smiling slightly at the beauty of the wispy white clouds drifting slowly across the bright blue. “I need the fresh air. And, I… I thought maybe we could… talk.” “Okay,” Sam agreed quietly, and Kelly finally looked down at her. Her tears had stopped, though her eyes were still watery; there was a distinct lack of the redness that often accompanied a harsher cry. With one free hand, Kelly nervously scratched at the center of her collarbone. “Are you okay?” Kelly asked quietly after a pause, having considered launching into an explanation but deciding against it. “Yeah,” Sam replied in equal volume, looking down at her dress and scratching at it. Then she shrugged. “I’m not sure.” Kelly nodded and walked a few paces down the brick path that served as the patio at the back of the house. To their left was a large, drained and covered pool, surrounded by covered furniture that looked more like a hotel’s poolside than a home’s. There was a covered grill, a bar, several covered daybeds, and areas to mingle. Slowly, Kelly began to walk them through the poolside areas. “I’m… um, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to - I’m very happy for you two,” Sam stumbled, with a distinct worry in her voice and body that Kelly was very familiar with. “You don’t have to apologize for your reaction,” Kelly replied with a slight, empathetic laugh, and let out a sigh. “You’re allowed to feel feelings and have opinions.” Kelly felt her throat tighten as she frowned, fighting the welling up of a tense cluster of emotions – guilt, dread, frustration – at the level of pain and suffering Littles went through, all under the guise of love and care. Closing her eyes for a moment, she held her breath, took in more air through her nose, held it for another second… then sighed it out. “Can I ask what you’re afraid of?” Sam blinked, jerking slightly in surprise. “Afraid?” “Yeah,” Kelly nodded, taking a few steps closer to a large shaded daybed that appeared to have just a tarp blanket draped over the cushion. “Like, in your mind, what’s the worst-case scenario of how I could react to you right now?” She could feel Sam shifting between jerking her body, tensing up, and relaxing as she considered. Kelly flashed a slight smile and let the question stand, grabbing the tarp and pulling it off the daybed. She tested the cushion for any dampness, then set Sam down first before taking a seat. The Little stared up at her for a long moment, then down at the cushion. “I guess…” she started quietly, scratching at her knuckles absently. “Just… a negative reaction?” Kelly nodded knowingly; she had ample experience in that sort of anxious state and had sensed it a few times in Sam, too. “Does being around negative emotions make you uncomfortable?” Sam’s eyebrows pinched together, and she looked in pain for a second, then nodded. “Me too,” Kelly whispered with a half-smile that quickly faded. “Is it any kind of negative emotion, or just when you cause it?” Sam’s eyes widened as she looked up at her, and Kelly felt her chest opening up, like she was revealing her own inner workings, and yet she was happy for it. “Mostly the second one,” Sam replied softly, her eyes still pinned to Kelly. She looked dumbstruck. “I’m both,” Kelly sighed, dropping her gaze to inspect her nails, shrugging a single shoulder. “But being the cause of negative feelings… it’s much worse. I feel… overwhelmed by…” She looked up at the blue sky, trying to find the right word. “Guilt.” She let the word linger for a moment, checking in with her body to see if it was correct. She could feel a tightness in her gut that said it was true, but there was a lot more tied up in that than a single word. Still, she nodded. “Yeah. Like, if I hadn’t done or said what I did, then the mood would still be happy or comfortable.” “And you wouldn’t feel in danger,” Sam added, pinching the fabric of her dress and wincing at the admission. “Yeah,” Kelly agreed with a heavy sigh, her shoulders falling. She opened her mouth to dig into that, but pivoted; sometimes, under the spotlight, it made opening up worse. So, she thought, if she kept sharing about herself, it might make Sam more comfortable. “I think it’s because of my mom. She was… is, very, um… neurotic,” Kelly laughed anxiously. “She’s better now that we’re older - me and my brother - but she could turn on us out of nowhere. One wrong move, one wrong thing we did and she’d fly off the handle.” Sam nodded, twisting the pinched fabric of her dress. “My mom was kinda like that, too,” she said quietly. “Probably still is. And Dad always took her side.” Kelly slid her palms over the cushion behind her and leaned back, tilting her head curiously to the side. “Did she only take things out on you?” “Oh, no,” Sam laughed and shook her head. “But he took her side anyway, even if he was the target. He didn’t like conflict, so whatever upset her, he just agreed so she’d calm down.” “Did that actually work?” Kelly chuckled in disbelief. “Sure did,” Sam laughed. “I don’t blame her, though. She lost a lot of family when she was young, so she was always… very scared.” Kelly nodded in the pause, frowning. “But, um, anyway. I guess, between that and, you know, uh…” Sam had started to gesture towards Kelly, then stopped and looked a little abashed. Confused, Kelly tilted her head slightly to the side, and Sam curled her legs up to her chest, shaking her head. Kelly looked away and bit her lower lip, fighting her instinct to hug Sam and reassure her, fearing she would read it as the usual Amazon infantilization. Plus, Kelly couldn’t be sure that wasn’t how she would mean it. She was still struggling to decipher if her own caregiving desires were rooted in the same mania that drove so much of their society. Taking in a breath, Kelly lit up with an idea: she could come down in maturity, in a way, as a show of good faith. Channeling her teenage years, she closed her eyes, scoffed, tossed her hair back, and then looked down at Sam with a grin. “Come on!” Kelly bemoaned, flopping onto her back with a dramatic fwoop and slapping her arms out on the cushion. “Just spill it already, girl!” “What?” the Little laughed, twisting to look behind her with a bemused expression. “Like, whatever you were going to say,” Kelly added with a flick of her wrist, then lifted that hand and (gently) pushed Sam’s shoulder. “Out with it!” Sam laughed as she lurched forward from the push and then spun around to face Kelly, giving her an amused but questioning look. Kelly pushed her lips impatiently. “Ooookaaaay,” the Little grinned slightly, squinting at the Amazon suspiciously. “I was going to say between my mom and always on the lookout for Amazons who, you know –” she paused and snapped her fingers. “Could turn on me in a flash. I just, I’m always on the lookout for signs, I guess. Signs someone is gonna just – change.” Kelly nodded, losing her teenage spirit to empathy for a moment, then clicked her tongue as she brought it back. “For sure,” she sympathized, jutting her thumb towards the house. “The boys call it the fever, or fevering. The mania that takes us over!” Kelly exclaimed, still lying on her back and yelling towards the sky, throwing her arms up. “Diapers! Diapers for everyone!” Sam giggled, shaking her head as she adjusted herself to lean back and relax slightly. “Fevering,” she echoed, considering it and looking up in thought. “I like it.” “Yeah, me too,” Kelly chuckled, laying her hands on her stomach and drumming her fingers. “I think…” Sam started in a higher tone, looking up, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I think I was just… shocked.” Kelly’s eyebrows rose as she turned her head towards Sam, who kept her face and gaze upwards. “It’s such a foreign idea, on like… every level, ya know?” the Little continued, the corner of her mouth tugging. “The idea that a Little and an Amazon could genuinely be in love, and it not revolve around babying and diapers.” Kelly held her breath and averted her eyes. “And then… to find that kind of love after Adoption,” Sam marveled, shaking her head slightly in disbelief. “It’s - well, I thought it was impossible.” “Yeah,” Kelly started, lifting her hands to begin picking nervously at her nails and cuticles. “Can I… ask how this happened?” “Of course,” Kelly breathed as she lowered her hands and twisted on her side to face the Little. “You can ask me anything. I promise, I may get awkward about some topics, but I won’t ever be mad that you asked.” “Thank you,” Sam gushed with a slight blush, seeming genuinely moved by the promise. “Well, I babysat him while his parents were around, and Greg brought me back in once everything was settled with them, by Charlie’s request,” Kelly started, having considered going into more detail or starting further back, but that felt self-indulgent. “I had always noticed he was a bit… different from other Littles, but this time, it was definitely amped up. And Greg was leaning into it. So, I, uh, might have… sort of…” She stopped, biting her lower lip and laughing nervously; the anticipation made Sam even more curious as her smile widened and her eyebrows rose. “Tricked him into dropping the act.” “What?!” Sam blurted out in amused disbelief. “No way!” “Yes!” Kelly giggled, covering half her face with one hand. “How?” the Little asked, leaning forward with intense curiosity. “They were holding this big fundraiser thing, and I took him aside and just… poured my heart out,” Kelly breathed, smiling like a schoolgirl. “He thought I was drunk – which, to be fair, I may have been, slightly tipsy – so just for two seconds, he admitted he loved me in his normal voice.” “That’s it??” Sam gasped, then sort of scoffed in disbelief. “How could you tell?” “Well, come on! You’ve heard the difference,” Kelly challenged as she gestured lazily in Charlie’s general direction. “Yeah, but,” Sam started, shrugging and giving a wry grin. “I’m a Little. Of course I can tell.” “See, that’s how I got him!” Kelly laughed as she pointed to Sam. “He thought I wouldn’t notice, either.” “Ah, touché,” the Little said with a hum in her throat, the grin lingering on her lips. “Did you — uh,” she stopped suddenly and looked away towards the pool. She sort of half-glared and looked down, clearly wrestling with whatever question had come to mind. “Did I…?” Kelly offered with a gentle smile when Sam looked to her. “It’s okay. Remember: anything.” Sam took a long time to work up the courage, and Kelly thought it was best to wait. “Did you… love him before you knew?” “Yes,” Kelly said without hesitation, her eyes falling down to the cushion. “Differently, though. It’s hard to describe… I always loved who he was, even before I suspected. He’s just… he’s wonderful. Baby mode, adult mode, all of it. All of him.” She heaved a loving sigh. “So once I… thought there was a real Charlie under there, my feelings started to shift. It was…” She paused, chewing on her lower lip. “A bit uncomfortable, admittedly.” Sam cocked her head to the side. “Well… how could I be sure?” Kelly asked with a slight wince. “Legally, he’s a minor… in the eyes of the world, he’s… and I…” Sam’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly before she could speak. “Oohh…” she gasped softly in realization; Kelly frowned and nodded, scratching her index finger on the cushion. “It was a dumb risk,” Kelly murmured, chastising herself for her stupidity, no matter how it turned out. “I’m sure he’s glad you took it,” Sam stated softly, and Kelly blushed, nodding in agreement. Then, the Little stiffened up from a thought. “Can I ask a weird question?” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “Well, maybe not weird, but personal?” “Of course!” “How does… it work? Or like,” Sam paused again, lifting her hand to her mouth and tapping her upper lip. “Yeah, I mean… do you guys…?” “Oh yes,” Kelly laughed, her entire face turning red, and Sam gawked at her in pleased shock. “I guess, technically, we haven’t done the, you know… traditional stuff.” Sam giggled, and Kelly joined, letting out an amused groan at the awkwardness. “But we play around, try things out, see what we like. We’re still… figuring things out, but —“ Kelly paused, glancing over her shoulder first, then leaned in as she dropped her voice. “The bonus to carrying him all the time is how much I get to tease him.” “Whaaat?” Sam gasped, her jaw dropping as she gave an airy laugh. “Oh, Sam, it’s amazing,” Kelly gushed, her nose curling as she let out a bit of an evil-sounding cackle. “I can push his head against my breasts, press my fingers a little too hard when checking his diaper, maybe drum my fingers between his leeeeegs —“ “Kelly!” Sam squealed and burst out laughing as she threw herself onto her back. “Seriously, Sam! It’s just so perfect!” Kelly giggled, feeling her heart sing. She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about her relationship with Charlie, since it was a bit awkward to discuss with Greg. “The diapers don’t, like… bother you?” “Oh, no, you see,” Kelly scoffed with a chuckle, rubbing under her nose. “That’s where my Amazon-ness comes into play. I, uh… I rather like them.” She swallowed and bit her lower lip. “As in…” Sam blinked and stopped, unable to proceed with her clarification question for a few seconds. Kelly averted her eyes, feeling a growing sense of dread as the silence lingered on. She had let her guard down and thought that, by making it into a kind of joke, it could be glossed over. But how could she have been so stupid? What was, to her, something stimulating and sexual was a symbol of lost autonomy and adulthood for Sam. “I –” Kelly started. “Anything, right?” Sam asked, then jerked and gave an apologetic look for the interruption (when really, they had spoken at the same time). Kelly’s mouth opened, and she stared for a beat before nodding. “Anything,” she echoed softly. Sam nodded a few times, her eyes moving around as she processed and considered. “How long have you… known this?” Kelly blinked a few times and looked up, thinking. “Um… I guess… since I was in high school,” she surmised, trying to pinpoint when she started to realize it. “What made you realize it?” Kelly swallowed, the left side of her mouth turning upwards as she thought back. “I had a boyfriend who was constantly getting in trouble in school,” Kelly recalled with fondness. “He was short for his age, so he was picked on, and he was so stressed about it all. He’d be bullied until he had outbursts in class, he’d forget his homework, or it’d be stolen from him, so he was in and out of diapers all throughout his second year.” She paused, smiling slightly. “And I… I really liked taking care of him. But not like, I wanted to be, like…” “His Mommy,” Sam offered with a giggle. “No,” Kelly smiled, feeling the tension in her shoulders relax slightly. “But it, like… turned me on to be able to take care of him and make him feel better.” She looked up as she thought back to that year, then blew a stiff laugh out her nose. “Then over the summer, he finally hit his growth spurt and… well,” she paused to sigh. “He became a bit of a jackass.” She pinched her lips to the side as she walked down that memory lane. “I didn’t blame him, necessarily. He was big enough to get back at his bullies, but… then it turned into him becoming one, too,” Kelly frowned. “And I… missed taking care of him. I missed the sensitive boy that would cry and couldn’t stand the - the jerk who replaced him.” “Did you break up with him?” “No,” Kelly snorted. “He broke up with me. I think he wanted to get away from his old self.” Sam nodded. “So that kind of became my pattern,” the Amazon continued with a slight shrug. “I associated a boy with bright red cheeks and in diapers with, um, you know… getting turned on.” Sam let out a small giggle and covered her mouth, giving an apologetic look. Kelly shook it off. “So, is it about the wearer then? Or, like… what about diapers…” Kelly met Sam’s gaze in a slight panic. But Sam gave an encouraging smile. “I’m curious,” she amended, her eyes lighting up with interest. “I’ve never heard about this, and I’d like to know more. If you don’t mind.” Kelly smiled before she really knew she was smiling, so touched by the response that she nearly forgot she’d been asked a question. “Oh, of course,” Kelly flustered after remembering, and let out a short, nervous chuckle. “Well… there’s a lot, I guess. But - y-yeah, I guess, they sort of signal to me a - a need, you know?” Sam let out a snort and nodded; Kelly flushed and scratched at her lower lip. “And I like how they make butts look.” Sam laughed, and Kelly quickly joined, throwing her hands up over her face in embarrassment. “Sorry!” Sam giggled, covering her own face. “Noooo, it’s okay,” Kelly groaned playfully. “I’ve just… I’ve never just… talked about it like this. It’s usually… online, or with a partner.” “Online?” Sam gasped, her hands flying off her face. “You mean, this is - like - a thing?” “Oh yeah,” Kelly snorted. “But it’s super hard to connect with people on it, because everyone’s so afraid of getting, you know… outed.” “Wooow,” Sam marveled with wide eyes. “So - so you’ve, like, met others who - who… what would you call it?” “A fetish,” Kelly murmured, biting on her thumbnail. “Fetish,” Sam echoed with a nod and smiled, looking rather delighted at this news. “So others have this fetish, too?” “Oh yeah,” the Amazon snorted. “Does Uncle Charlie?” Sam gaped. “No!” Kelly blurted out hastily before the humor hit her and she bellowed out a belly laugh, tossing her head back. “But he accepts it and… finds it funny, honestly.” “Of course he does,” Sam chuckled, and Kelly nodded vigorously. They hummed as silence fell between them, and Sam looked toward the pool, her smile slowly fading as her eyes darted around in thought. Kelly looked away, feeling a bit odd staring at Sam in the meantime, and the Amazon let her own thoughts wander on the topic. “Kelly, do you think…” Sam began quietly and swallowed. “Do you think I could… still find love too?” Kelly gasped silently as their eyes met, realizing how self-centered her concerns had been about Sam’s reaction inside the house. She had been so concerned about how she and Charlie came across that she hadn’t really absorbed how impactful it would be to someone like Sam to know it was possible. She felt something connect inside of her as she briefly recalled the few times Charlie lamented missed opportunities because of his Adoption, and a visual of Lexi and all the other Littles in the class flashed in her mind. “Absolutely,” Kelly breathed, smiling through the ache of that realization as she placed her hand on Sam’s small knee. “I have no doubt Greg and Charlie will do everything they can to make it happen. And I will be here every step of the way.” Sam’s shoulders rose as she blushed, lowering her head and nodding. Kelly reached out her arms; finally, she was comfortable enough to embrace the Little as an equal and trust it would be taken that way. She wrapped her arms around Sam, and the two women hugged for a long, warm moment. Kelly closed her eyes and smiled, feeling a burst of joy and love in her chest. Suddenly, the idea of running a daycare didn’t seem so stressful or heavy. In fact, she could see just how much of a difference they could make by giving Littles opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise, like meeting each other and spending quality time together.

Yea, I have had several dreams when I am wearing diapers while other people around me are not aware of it. I wear without anyone's knowledge.  Most of the time during the diaper dreams, I would get caught by family/friends and would have to try to find a place to take my diaper off without them finding out. Like- I would go to the restroom, take the diaper off, but not trash can so I would stuff it in the cabinet under the sink temporarily.  The dream is more of a nightmare. Hahaha

Yea, it's plastic backed so they have to add the landing zone for the hook n loop to fasten the wings, otherwise the hook n loop wouldnt work and have to use the sticky tapes.

Got a decent night's sleep after a stressful day, and stayed nice and dry in my DryBritches Posy diaper. Now enjoying my morning coffee and catchong up on the news.

Up til like 5th grade, I would wet my pants during recess because I did not want to have to stop playing and go to the restroom.  It was not that noticeable because I always wore blue jeans and is hard to see the wet spot.  By the time we finish playing and head back to class, the wetness have dispersed.