Baby Talk

Chapter Nineteen Greinne's Epiphany; Only It's Cait Telling Her Later, after the hospital closed, I think, Greinne and me were eating dinner.  Greinne and I talked about earlier. Greinne didn’t say nothing about it, so I don’t think she knew.  I saw it, though.  Greinne and Erinne had the same problem.  They were both peeing more in their pants than before.  Erinne was sent home, though.  I wasn’t sure what happened to Greinne, but the doctor told her not to move at all.  Did the doctor not notice that Erinne peed her pants three times earlier? “What?” Greinne noticed me looking at her.  “I see that look, Cait.  You are thinking about something, and either you think I weird, or you think I have a thought about something weird.” “Well, um... I noticed something strange this afternoon.”  I looked down.  I was sort of scared of saying it out loud, but what if something was wrong?  “I... I think Erinne peed her pants three times today.” “She did,” Greinne nodded.  “So?” “They sent her home, didn’t they?” “Yeah,” Greinne looked a little irritated. “Do... do you think Sorsche had a diaper on?  And what about Aoife?” “What are you talking about?” “Well, Sorsche didn’t say nothing about peeing her pants....” I blushed and frowned. “She never does,” Greinne looked at me as though I forgot how quiet Sorsche was. “No.  She doesn’t.  But no one changed her, and after three times, she should have leaked all over the floor.  She wasn’t wet all afternoon, Greinne.” Greinne’s eyebrows got closer together, and she stared at me for a bit.  “Were you watching her to see when she’d pee her pants or something?” “Not exactly.  I was more watching Erinne after the first time she did, and Sean and Susan had to change her.  I accidentally compared her to Sorsche, and that’s why I found it.  Sorsche didn’t pee her pants at all today.  And then I thought about Aoife, and she didn’t either.” Greinne’s jaw dropped.  “So?  What are you thinking?” “Just that Erinne wet her pants three times, and she went home, so I don’t understand.  She could go if she wanted, and she chose to wet her pants, but Sorsche and Aoife must have had Susan take them?” “...Or, maybe Susan took them out of the room because they accidentally told her, or they did something that Susan knew meant they peed.  You know how Sorsche is.  She gets nervous and squirms a little bit and put her hands in her lap when she wets her pants.” “I know, and she didn’t do that.  I sort of noticed that she seemed, well, happy the whole time, and she wasn’t scared at all.” Greinne shrugged.  “Maybe Sean took them to the bathroom all the time, but didn’t ask Erinne because he didn’t want her to think he was treating her like a baby?” I shrugged.  “But Sean was here in the room the whole time the doctors let him be.  He didn’t have a chance to take Sorsche and Aoife, and Susan did leave with Aoife twice, but not with Sorsche?” “Maybe Sorsche was just scared to pee, and held it until they went home?” Greinne whispered.  “Daddy taught her and you to be careful where you pee and not get caught.” I shook my head.  “Yeah, I know.  But I could never hold it long enough for Daddy, and I don’t think Sorsche did either.  Sorsche peed her pants at school sometimes, be member?” Greinne shrugged.  “I don’t know, Cait.  Why does it matter so much, anyway?” “Well, I was thinking about how you always peeing the bed,” I whispered.  “What if... what if you pee the bed because Daddy somehow caused it?” Greinne looked away, and I could see her cheeks get a little red when she turned back.  “How do you think Daddy made me wet the bed?” “Well, you stronger than me,” I whispered.  “You know Daddy hated me for peeing my pants, and he hated Sorsche.  He let Aoife do it, but it was because she was the baby.” Greinne couldn’t argue, so she just looked down.  “Okay.  But how does that mean Daddy made me?” “Well, if I can’t hold it long enough, and I always give up and pee my pants all the time, but you said yourself, at school, you held it for important classes, right?” “Yeah.  I held it.  It wasn’t that hard, Cait.” “But what if you wet the bed because you trained your body to not use the bathroom during the day, but it has to do it sometime?” I asked. “That sounds....” But Greinne bit her lip.  I saw her half start to roll her eyes though, and I knew that meant the words were stupid to her, but she bit her tongue.  She didn’t want to say that to me. “Okay, it does sound stupid,” I agreed with her.  “But when did you pee?  You didn’t go at school, at least not like natural.  You didn’t pee that much at home during the day.  So, when did you pee?” Greinne looked at me like she was thinking about it.    She looked down at her lap while her eyes seemed to narrow and maybe focus.   “Thanks a lot,” she suddenly said to the dark, quiet air.  “Now you made me have to pee, and I’m not allowed to go by myself right now.” “The doctor told you to just go, Greinne,” I whispered.  “Sean and Susan says it’s allowed to wet your pants, you know.” “It doesn’t mean I want to,” Greinne frowned at me. “Do you think I wanted to when Daddy made me stay in bed all those times, or I’d get in trouble for a puddle that didn’t even exist?” Greinne didn’t have any of the spaghetti in her mouth from dinner, but she was chewing.  Maybe she was trying to figure out what I meant.  I wasn’t very smart about telling what I wanted to say.  Teachers at school said I didn’t say things right sometimes, and people got confused when I talked a lot.  I knew I was pretty stupid about saying stuff.  “I just mean, it’s okay to wet your pants.” A few moments passed, but to me, it felt like an hour.  I could see Greinne still looking at the sheets, her legs stiff, her shoulders shaking, but only so I noticed.  You had to really look to see it. “Just do it, Greinne,” I whispered.  “The doctor says if you don’t pee when you need to go, you can hurt your body.  That’s why I think Daddy caused you to pee the bed.  I think he hurt your body without knowing it.” Greinne frowned.  “So what about Erinne?” “Well, I think maybe Erinne has been peeing her pants at school and hiding it, and she knew she’d get caught when she peed, so she told Sean and Susan.  You saw.  She wasn’t happy about peeing her pants.” “Well, how was Sorsche dry, Miss Smarty Pants?” Greinne seemed to be trying to find fault with what I was thinking.  I know it seemed weird she dry when she peed her pants always, but I did think on that, too. “What if because Sorsche just peed because it made her babyish to Daddy, and so he didn’t hit her as much, and she peed her pants more at school than she said, so her pee always came out, so she didn’t hurt herself, and now she is safe, she is going to the bathroom like she wants?  What if Erinne was scared to go to the bathroom like you and me, so she kept holding it when it was bad, and she can’t help it now?” Greinne frowned.  “Do you think Daddy told her not to pee at school?” “Did Daddy tell you not to pee at school?” I asked. “Um... not exactly.  He just said to be careful not to miss class, and he always yelled at Sorsche if he thought she missed Math or something because he found out she wasn’t wet when she came home.” “Exactly,” I said, looking down.  “You were a big girl and not supposed to wet your pants, so you didn’t, but you followed the same rules.  Sorsche was considered too babyish to be able to do it right, so she peed her pants sometimes.  I peed my pants sometimes.  Aoife was a baby; she peed her pants, but Erinne was never wet when she came home from school.” “So you think Erinne actually didn’t use it at school?” “I am not sure, but you didn’t use it at school.  And now, you started peeing on accident more.  You can say you are just wetting the bed to yourself if you want, but you know that’s not true.  You are peeing without meaning it when you awake.  Right?” Greinne breathed heavily through her mouth because she knows she can’t win that argument.  She got caught, and she didn’t have an answer for what I said about her. “You always have your eyes open, you know,” Greinne told me.  “Even when you should mind your own business.” “You don’t think my sisters is my business?” I asked.  “I love you all, and I think we all got hurt by Daddy, even Erinne.  We just all got hurt a different way.” Greinne sniffed.  “Okay.  But you don’t have to be staring at us when we pee.” "I'm not staring," I mumbled.  I did notice it maybe more than I should.  "I just.  I couldn't help it.  I knew when Sorsche did it and Aoife, and Erinne told us all three times she peed when she was here earlier, and you... you have to pee sometime, and I kind of started to see you do things when you were holding it." Greinne's fingers tightened around her fork.  "Like what?" "You get quiet, like you are right now.  I think you peeing and you scared because you peeing.  Then you start, your legs are not moving like a pee pee dance, but instead, they stop moving for a long time until you relax.  That means you already peed so much you gave up?" Greinne dropped her fork.  It clattered against the plastic tray, and her face twisted like she wanted to cry or scream.  "That's not—" She stopped, blinking fast.  Her hands curled into fists on her blanket.  "You're... you're wrong." "You forgot when a boy in my class told the teacher I peed my pants, or was going to that last time Daddy said I disturb class because the teacher sent me to the bathroom?  That's why I know everyone gets scared when they think they going to pee.  And you do get quiet, and you do relax after you know you can't stop it.  You do." I felt my face getting hot, and I felt tears in my eyes.  "And that's because I love you, and I see it, and now I know how to keep others seeing it, if I think they going to be mean because when you get stiff, I will be bad so they look at me instead." Grainne's fists loosened, and she stared at me as if she'd never seen me before.  Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.  The hospital room smelled like hard soaps and the faintest hint of peed pants from earlier. "I won't tell anyone that not safe, that you peed, Greinne.  I promise.  But the doctor and nurses safe.  You know they safe?  You know?" Greinne didn't answer.  She just stared at her lap where the blanket was bunched up between her legs.  The IV in her arm trembled when she moved her hand to press against her stomach. "If you gotta poop, it's okay.  I promise.  I won't tell no one except the nurse that has to clean it up.  You can't wear poop all night, and you don't touch your stomach like that when you pee, so...." I let her figure out that she can't deny it.  I told her I knew, and that's all that mattered. Greinne's fingers dug into her blanket, her knuckles whitening.  "Shut up," she whispered, but it wasn't mean—it was desperate.  A tear slipped down her cheek, and she wiped it angrily with the back of her hand.  "Just... shut up." "I will, if you promise to stop trying and just poop your pants.  I will shut up." I saw her eyebrows get closer and her mouth form an embarrassed frown, the same way she looked two years ago, when her friends caught me in the first grade, peeing my pants in the hallway on the way to the bathroom.   “That’s my little sister,” Greinne told her friends.  “She can’t help it.  Daddy says she’s stupid.” That’s what she said at that time.  Now, she just looked at me like I was crazy.  I was telling her to poop her pants on purpose, but the doctor told her to do it, first.  Didn’t she understand that’s what the doctor said? She sighed and pushed herself forward a tiny bit, her face getting red.  The smell started to ooze its way into the room before the little grunt, and then the pit spat of a wet slush sound finally pushed into her diaper beneath her. I pushed the button  on the call thing for the nurse, knowing she was ashamed.  I wouldn't have to tell.  The nurse would check me.  I would just be wet, so she'd check Greinne.  I would let the nurse clean me up first, though.  I was wet, that way, Greinne wouldn't feel all alone in it. Greinne didn't cry, but she stared at the wall, shaking slightly.  The nurse came in, smiling warmly.  "How are my girls?" she asked, her eyes flicking between us. I smiled at her and looked down at my waist.  "We okay for being in a sick place.  But.  I think I went potty again."  I said nothing about Greinne.  The nurse would figure it out. The nurse nodded, pulling fresh linens from the cabinet.  "That’s perfectly fine, sweetheart.  Let’s get you cleaned up first."  Her hands were warm as she helped me out of the damp gown, wiping my legs with a cloth that smelled like oranges.  Greinne stayed silent, rigid, watching from the corner of her eye. I watched as the nurse cleaned me up, and then when she finished, I drew a breath, ready to tell on Greinne if I had to, but I didn't want to.  I hoped the nurse realized the room smelled like one of us pooped, and since I didn't, she'd just know. The nurse hesitated, sniffing slightly, her expression shifting.  Her gaze flicked to Greinne—who had gone stiff again—then back to me.  "Alright, Cait," she murmured, patting my shoulder.  "You're all set."  She moved to Greinne's bed, pulling back the blanket carefully, like she didn't want to scare her. "It not your job to tell on her if she has an accident?" I asked when the nurse started to undo Greinne's diaper. The nurse's hands paused, her eyes softening as she glanced at me. "No, sweetheart. It's never anyone's job to tell on someone for something their body needs to do." She turned back to Greinne, speaking quieter now. "You don't have to be embarrassed, honey. This happens to lots of kids—more than you think." I breathed in real slow, knowing Greinne was going to feel the sting of being caught like that.  At least it was only one.  It wasn’t the nurse’s job to tell.  No one else would know, at least about that night, that Greinne had to poop her pants. It was most important that Daddy never found out.   If he knew, Greinne wouldn’t be his favorite no more, and he’d hit her harder.  I’d be scared of Daddy finding out.  And Greinne didn’t know Sean yet, so I knew she was scared because she couldn’t be Sean’s favorite yet, if Sean didn’t really know her yet. The nurse was gentle and careful.  She pulled the diaper back slowly as Greinne’s face crumple inward like she wanted to pop out of the room, without any explanation.  She wanted to just... disappear. The smell was stronger as the nurse got her diaper pulled back, but she didn’t ask Greinne to explain herself.  She didn’t tell her how disgusting it was, like Daddy did.  She just wiped her clean.  The orange scent from the cloth she used had to be better than the smell of what the nurse started to wrap up to get rid of. Still, Greinne’s hand clenched and unclenched against the mattress and plastic sheets on the mattress.  Her breath was fast, and it didn’t come in far enough.  It was the same way when she tried not to cry. "It's okay, sweetheart," Nurse Burke smiled at her.  "It's not the end of the world.  Once the doctor clears it, you can get out of bed again like a big girl.  It's not your fault, sweetheart."  The nurse wiped Greinne's face after she changed her, and she whispered.  "You've had it hard for a while, sweetheart.  Just relax.  No one around her is going to think anything about you obeying the doctor, okay?" Greinne’s face barely moved, but I could tell she was nodding.  It was like she was hiding it, though there was no one to hide her nod from, except me.  The nurse turned and threw the diaper out, and took the dirty sheets, humming. The room smelled of hard soap and a faint scent of orange masking completely all of Greinne’s shame.  It was like she never did it, but convincing Greinne to not look so scared and worried was another problem. I watched Greinne’s shoulders rise and fall.  Her jaw was tight.  She wouldn’t look at me.  I knew why.  She probably thought I had a chance to be mean to her, to tease her, for something that she couldn’t stop.  But I knew why she did it, and she only ever did it when Daddy was right there, staring at her, pushing her to do it.  So, I had no heart, nor did I have the pressure to tell her something so hurtful. Instead, I just grabbed her hand, and I squeezed.  “I love you.” "Now, you understand how much I appreciated you, when you didn't hurt my feelings when I was the one that peed on the bed, even on purpose," I said after I felt she wouldn't hear me wrong.  "You were always there for me, and I... I still see you as the older one, the one that knows what to do, and the one to protect me, but just this once, can I help you and it be okay?" Greinne’s fingers pulled a little in mine, but they didn’t escape my hand.  They curled around my fingers, eventually.  The hospital lights buzzed faintly overhead.  Long shadows appeared across Greinne’s face where she still refused to look directly at me.   “You’re not supposed to be smart,” Greinne muttered, though the words were softer and seemed to lack that bite that Daddy expected from her when she called me out. "I'm not.  You know that, and I know that.  Susan and Sean pretend that I’m smart, like it will change the real world if they think it.  But we know I not smart.  I just care, Greinne.  I love you, you know." Greinne exhaled sharply through her nose, her fingers still gripping mine.  "You're gonna make me cry, dummy," she whispered. "Then cry," I whispered.  "I'm not gonna judge, and no one else is here, so cry.  I just telling the truth." Greinne’s grip tightened a little harder than I liked around my fingers.  She had a ragged breath that sort of sounded a little like the start of a cry.  She pressed her free hand against her mouth, her shoulders shaking up and down.  The nurse, just about to step out of the door, glanced back, but she didn’t interrupt. "You always my big sister," I felt a tear of something that wasn't real inside me.  It was like my soul was touchable, for just a minute, and it hurt, but I knew what I said was true.  And I started to feel myself sob a little bit.  Greinne put up with so much because of my being stupid.  She protected me so much at school.  I had the most important person in the world in the same room in the scariest place in the world, and I couldn't help crying knowing that sometimes, she needed help, too. Greinne’s sob stopped mid-high pitch when she heard me.  She turned her head sharply, her wet eyes widened.  I think she forgot that I cried, too.  As if my tears surprised her more than her own, she couldn’t close her mouth.  Her fingers tightened into mine.  It almost hurt, but I couldn’t pull away.  I had no desire to. "Sisters ... for... forever," I got out between crying hiccups as I squeezed her hand tight.  And I wasn't sure if she ever relaxed, but I know I fell asleep like that, nearly crying and holding my big sister's hand. When I woke up, the room smelled like pancakes—real ones, not the hospital kind—and Sean's aftershave. He stood between our beds, holding two paper plates stacked high. Greinne was already sitting up, her fingers picking at the edge of her blanket.  

I saw a Carewell infomercial saying that she preferred to add the cream to the diaper instead of on the skin. It seems like this might be a waste, especially as the diaper moves around a lot.  Also, I wonder if it reduces the absorption? Lastly, the age old question, what cream do you like to use?  

I'm new to the area.   Mesa seems to be a big area.  I'm new Apache Junction.  

I checked out the site.  How can I join? There is no option.  Also, with the black and white background, it is very hard to see or read anything since the text blends in.  The background is cute, but maybe a blue or some color of text would make it much easier to read.  Thx.

That must feel really good @astrodiaper i win though