Baby Talk

So, shrinks do not help you become a better version of yourself, they just work to convince you that you’re good enough the way you are and that fixing is not needed. This rings a little too true...

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay… I used to love snow and the winter, but then my neighborhood this year decided to only partially plow the streets and sidewalks. Spoiler alert: just because you were able to scale the four-foot pile of snow rather than get hit by traffic 99 times, doesn’t mean you’ll be able to on the 100th. So, long story short… I now have a bruise about the size of Montana on my hip, and needless to say, sitting for long periods of time to write and edit this story can get a touch painful. That being said, I’ve now discovered the wonders of sitting on a pillow and I was able to dive back into this story today. Looking ahead, I should be able to get another chapter out either tomorrow, or more likely, Saturday. There are still 12 chapters to this first section, but I’ll let you all know if any of it changes. Last but not least and as usual, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter of my story! Chapter 7: These Questions Need to Be Answered Cycles… cycles of pain… cycles of night terrors… cycles of failing health… cycles. As the week wore on Addy found herself in a horrible new routine, one that she was starting to lose faith in breaking completely to get to the better side of her job. The times of seeing Littles so sick and weak and sometimes so terribly broken were always the hardest, and this time, both her Littles presented two different sides of the spectrum of what kinds of Littles came here. Katrina was your typical soon-to-be Little, in fact, she was moving right along with her treatment and might be completely healthy by the second cycle. There was still the matter of ensuring she was a true Little over here and she needed to still pick her caregiver, but she was going to be okay. Oliver though… The Little had started to become the bad penny of the Psyche facility, and worse, everyone knew it now. Between Damien’s taunts and blabbermouth, plus Oliver’s pained screams some nights when his night terrors got really bad, everyone had started to view Oliver either with scorn or sympathy. Of the two, Addy would choose sympathy, but she would always prefer her Littles to have fun… to embrace this new way of life. Oliver’s night terrors though, had other plans. Per their arrangement and not wanting Oliver to feel worse or be the subject of continual mockery, Addy took it on herself to only stay in his room in the rocking chair for a few nights at a time. The first night, Oliver would still be terrified, the second he would whimper, but then the third, he would be as right as rain. So, trying to ease the mocking that Damien and, sometimes Xander, would launch at him for already being so needy for his nurse because of his ‘scary dreams,’ she would go back to her room. Then maybe a night, maybe two, later, Oliver would have the night terrors all over again and the cycle would repeat itself. Still, despite Addy’s and Oliver’s new arrangement to stifle his night terrors, time kept pushing forward whether they liked it or not. Fortunately, Addy had found an old Juventas drug that would at least get Oliver moving during the day instead of being confined to his wheelchair. It exhausted him nearly completely, but the contract he signed loomed in all their faces and pushed beyond what Addy would want for her Little. Oliver was still sick and dying, more slowly now, but it was still wearing thin on him, and Addy could see it. Despite her petitions for delays until she could find a cure, to allow him to keep his strength to heal even a little bit with the drugs she had found, the board had turned her down flat. Addy wasn’t sure, but after a snide comment one night from Penny, she highly suspected that Dr. Tracey had something to do with it. Things were beginning to boil between her and some of the more lenient and caring nurses, but she remained. And per the board and the contract he signed, Oliver still had to go out with his prospective caregivers. “She seems perky,” Cassie mentioned as she walked up the window by Addy and looked outside to the see the woman Big who was taking Oliver out today. “You think she’s got a chance with him?” Addy sighed and she knew everyone else knew about his spotty track record so far with other prospective Bigs. Of the five she had picked out for him personally, only three were left now. “I hope…” Addy closed the curtain as the Big’s car sped off with Oliver inside… hopefully to a better outing than some of his previous. “I just… I’m getting worried about him. What if…?” Addy almost didn’t even want to say it to tempt fate. “What if no one chooses him?” “Is that even a clause we have here?” Cassie asked, tapping her chin as she tried to recall herself. “I don’t think I ever remember a Little being turned down by everyone.”   Addy didn’t want to think about it, but she knew there was absolutely a clause about that. “There is…” She took a breath, recalling a story she had heard from her mom from the early days of this place. “Happened about two years after this facility opened. A lot of the Littles were still new to this dimension, and the place had one Little that just wouldn’t accept any part of being, well… a Little.” Cassie looked gravely back at her friend and colleague. “So, what happened?” Addy plucked that memory from the back of her mind; a place she didn’t like touching… where the memories of Mindy were also kept. “From the clause then, and the one still existing now, the Little goes to a general adoption service via an agent from LPS or DLS… I can never remember which…” “It’s gotta be DLS,” Cassie quickly noted. “LPS is for abuse cases, but DLS… the Department of Little Services, if I remember right, deals in adoptions.” “Right, right…” In truth, Addy never liked to dwell on either agency. LPS was always full of sad stories and broken Littles while DLS was rife with corruption in certain parts of the country… leading the Littles straight back to LPS. “Must be DLS, but… I’m actually not sure what happened to that Little, but probably nothing good. Honestly… I think that was the first time I ever saw my mom question this place…” “Yeah…” Cassie sighed heavily. “Good woman, your mom,” she said with a large smile. “Did you know she was my mentor when I first got here?” “You knew my mom?” Addy questioned her in surprise. Her mom had left a while back now and she was rarely mentioned anymore except in toasts to the founder of Psyche or in mentions of old laws and foundations. “That’s right.” Cassie fiddled with her ID badge and pulled out her nursing card, and sure enough, right on the back, was Addy’s mom’s signature. “I only got to work with her for about a year, but… she’s what kept me coming back to this place… doing good here… not just a transaction.” For Addy, those words were music to her ears. Erin was her better friend so far and a solid nurse and caring at the end, but Addy was more than a little hesitant to trust her with what was truly going on here. ‘Would she help me out if I needed her to? Would she help Dr. Halgen and Sgt. Emily and I on this end… or would she even care if Littles were regressed everywhere?’ Despite Addy’s focus more on healing Oliver lately, the problems with Juventas still swirled around her mind. With the addition of Dr. Tracey, Addy wasn’t a fool and knew that allies were soon going to be needed around here. Seeing Cassie like this, how she handled her Littles… even Xander, and seemed to respect the dignity of Littles… she might just be the best ally. “Watching them go, huh?” Penny asked, shattering Addy from her deep thoughts of who to trust. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Addy viewed Penny with malice in her heart still. Whenever Cara stopped by, and especially when Penny interacted with her, Addy just wanted to slug her fellow nurse. But for civilities and peace’s sake… she didn’t and instead put on a smile. “Always hard to see them leave, Penny. Isn’t it hard for you with any of your Littles?” Penny shook her head. “Nah. Choosing day is hard but now? Now I can sit and read a book in peace… hard to get that around here anymore…” She stared back at Addy, her voice prickling with insinuation and borderline insult. Addy frowned. “And just what’s that supposed to mean?” Penny’s eyes narrowed, seemingly wanting to pick a fight. “Oh, I think you know…” “Ladies, please…” Cassie said quickly, trying to act as a moderator between her two fellow nurses. “We’re all friends here and this job is stressful enough.” “Even more now…” Penny said coldly, her implications about Oliver even apparent to a blind man. “Almost every night, Addy… when are you going to just give in and do what needs to be done?” Addy’s fists clenched at the insinuation, but her heart cracked just a little as she knew what Penny was trying to imply. “Give in? Needs to be done?” Addy blinked back at her fellow nurse. “You mean as in…?” “As in regression,” Penny said without any hesitation. “Have a problem Little? Just pop a few heavy hypnotic tracks into their nighttime routine early on, and presto! No more crying except for a diaper change or a late-night bottle. I choose my Bigs carefully and each would kill for a Little as cute as the one’s I’ve got. I do it all the time and no one seems to mind. In fact, Dr. Tracey even commended me the other day for the progress I’ve made around here in the past.” It was such a quick little note in her words, but it hit Addy like a wrecking ball to her chest. “Wait… you do it all the time?” She was shaken at the notion that a nurse was going off script. Sure, on paper Littles were going to be regressed in some way by the end. It was part of the strange and sometimes cruel practice of this place and this dimension when it came to Bigs and Littles… but it all came as part of a plan. Maybe barbaric but there were procedures and ways one had to go about these things. Most things Addy did per the rules and the literal manual were reversible if a Little ever went home. Some retraining, yes, but nothing permanent. Now, though, with Penny… her Littles didn’t seem to stand a chance and would be stuck in their current states likely forever. “But that goes against our charter… our rules! Our nurse’s code even! Don’t you have any decency?” “Decency?” Penny’s haughty and almost boastful demeanor vanished in a second. “Is it decent to let them suffer and pretend they’re adults when we know they’re not? Is it decent to let them hate themselves in the process as they lose their potty training and fine motor skills? Is it decent… to let a Little suffer almost every night in pain when you know you could help them out, or are you just too stupid or stubborn to do that?” Addy had heard enough. She was patient and understanding of most beliefs… even if she didn’t agree with them. It was hard but she managed to do it. Now though, Penny was directly attacking both her and Oliver. Penny wanted Oliver to regress into oblivion, just so she could get a good night’s sleep. It was one hit too many for Addy… and she lunged at her. Fortunately for the jobs of both nurses, however, Cassie was there and had a good two inches on both. Stepping in between with her quick reflexes, she managed to just pull Addy away in the nick of time, her outstretched hands to throttle Penny just missing her throat. Conversely, when Penny saw what Addy tried to do, she clawed her way back at her… only to be stopped by Cassie. “Enough!” Cassie shouted at both nurses, her Little-approved frown deep and cut strong as she glared at the women now being broken up by her large hands. “You’re professionals! Act like it!” Addy’s wits were just sharp enough that Cassie’s tiny admonishment was enough to pop her out of her fight first… Penny took a little longer. As Addy looked back at Cassie, she could see she wanted an apology… but for Addy, it was all still too raw. Penny was a traitor, had been indirectly responsible for the harming of one of her Littles, had now confessed to the premature and likely permanent harm of her own Littles, and was now trying to convince her to do the same to Oliver. There were just some things that couldn’t be forgiven. So, instead, Addy brushed Cassie off and stormed away… without an apology. Penny called out something at her, but Addy couldn’t hear what she said… only the shout of admonition and curling bits of anger and disappointment from Cassie right after. Fortunately, with the Littles away with their prospective Bigs today, the facility was mostly quiet and empty. It always struck Addy as strange, being a place filled with so many emotions and shouts of happiness, despair, and pain and joy that it would be so silent. But today, she was just grateful that no one saw her little spat with Penny. Things were bad enough, but for the Littles to see conflict like that, it could undermine their authority or trust or one of a hundred other things. So, with relief, Addy climbed back up the stairs and to her room. As she trudged upwards though, her mind was still on fire and enraged at Penny. ‘She confessed to me today. If the board was like it was 5… 10 years ago even, I might have thought that was enough, but… I need more.’ As she hit the second floor, Addy tried to recall where she could find information. ‘I need something concrete. Something to put her away, or… maybe blackmail her.’ It was a dirty thought, and Addy hated playing this game, but she knew a war was coming within Juventas, and she knew now that it was going to start here at Psyche. Penny was a terrible person, getting worse by the day, but… she could be useful. Addy just needed to find the evidence against her. Sighing as she entered her room, Addy quickly got to work on the various activities she needed to get done as part of her job. Most of the time, Littles went down early enough that she could finish most things at night. With Oliver’s night terrors and her sleeping in his room at least half the nights now though, that time was limited. ‘It’ll be better when I start to get him to take naps…’ It was a bitter pill for most Littles to follow, but between Oliver’s night terrors interrupting his sleep and the new medication to help give him strength during the day, Addy knew it was just a matter of time. Sitting down at her desk, she began to prep for future playdates and treatment plans. Katrina was pretty easy, but she just needed coordination and notes about her enthusiastic approach. She was like a little flame, dancing happily and bright, but a small amount of reality of this harsh world for Littles could snuff her out. Addy wanted more than anything to prevent that, so she made sure to always include that with her next prospective caregivers in both her search criteria and their acknowledgement before they even met her. For Oliver, she continued to look up more cures, dusting off yet another book from the back of the stacks of the main library. She had yet to muster the courage to return to the basement stacks, but she could feel her desperation grow every time that Oliver slowed down outside or winced in pain. Finally, right before the gate opened to announce the first of the Littles were now returning, Addy also put together a list of previous Littles and their metrics to compare against Oliver and Katrina. Curiously enough, Katrina was well in advance of most others while Oliver was far behind. Right now, it was okay… but Katrina could get bullied if she was too advanced and started wetting the bed before the others or pooped her panties before the others stopped caring about that sort of thing. Things around here were scheduled and had a delicate balance and Addy could quickly find herself out of the loop of her batch and all alone as the baby of the group. And for Oliver… he could be the grumpy and dying Little and miss out on fun times with the others in his group, losing friends in the process. Already, just wanting to be left alone, he had turned to an offer to play a board game two days ago with Robin, Ella, and Jacob. It was a small gesture, and nowhere near stuffed animal parties or tag or dress-up games… but it was a sign of problems yet to come for him. Still, Addy made her way downstairs, greeting Katrina first. Bouncing all around the place, Addy could barely keep her still long enough to even hear a slice about her day… or at least hear more than an excited jumble of words… but it was encouraging to see her that way. Several Bigs couldn’t keep up with her so far, but this one… they seemed like a keeper. And as much as that warmed her heart and she sent Katrina back in to go get a snack from Federica, now looking for Oliver, Addy stayed out and watched the other cars pull up and the Bigs deposit their Littles back. Seeing some, Addy could already see the little surrenders some of the Littles were having. Still having an issue being mostly paralyzed on her left side, Robin seemed to have no problem being gently lifted out of her rear booster seat and back into her wheelchair. Not necessarily a sign of her regression… just more of a curiosity. But then the sun began to noticeably arc downward and toward the trees. Just as sun reappeared from behind the clouds, however, the car she had seen leaving earlier soon reappeared. Hoping for another successful Little outing, Addy approached with a smile. Instead, as soon as the car stopped and the Big stepped out, she could tell there was a problem. The woman, a pediatric surgeon, came stepped out of the car and looked visibly distressed. Her hair was still done up, but her face seemed etched with concern. Moments later, she bent down and opened the back car door before pulling out Oliver. Who was currently crying… Addy hurried over. She wanted to lash out, flashing back promptly to Patrick and Redge after Redge viciously spanked and diapered him on their first encounter. But there was something different with this Big. Redge had looked proud, but this woman looked concerned and more than a little confused. So, instead, Addy took a breath as she rushed to them. “Is… is everything okay?” Oliver shook his head, a few tears falling onto his green jacket. “Yeah… I just… can I go inside now? Please…” Addy wanted to push him to find out what happened, but after seeing his tear-streaked and anguished face, she nodded instead. “Go on upstairs to your room. Wash your face off and I’ll be up there soon to check on you.” After a gentle back rub from her, Oliver barely let out a single half of a smile before retreating back into the facility. Once he was out of earshot, Addy snapped back to the woman. “What happened?” She tried to keep her cool, but her white-hot rage was slipping back out. “I… I don’t know!” the woman hastily defended herself. “It was all good between us, honest! I took your suggestion and went to a local chocolate fair and then ended at the park nearby… the one on Elm Street.” Addy waited for something more, but when the woman didn’t speak back up, she pushed instead. “And?” “I… I don’t know,” the woman repeated. “One minute, we were laughing over the chocolate that got smeared over his face and the next… he was freaking out! I tried to calm him down, but he just wouldn’t stop crying. SO, I packed him up in the car and came back here! I swear… I didn’t do anything to him.” Addy blinked back at her, trying to deduce the truth. The woman’s story seemed to be missing several elements, but she also knew that with the new policies around here, there would be a spy watching them from afar. Dr. Halgen would see her tonight, and that might have been enough if this was Katrina. Addy would have grilled the woman on the spot, but between the spy footage, her genuine look of concern, and that something had happened yet again by a park and presumably a playground… Addy let it go. She sighed and tried to recenter herself. “Well, I’m not sure what happened, but… I’ll understand if you want a new Little instead of Oliver.” She didn’t like making that offer, but she knew it was just good business at this point. Some Bigs, no matter how nice or well-intentioned, didn’t want what they perceived to be a broken Little. Oliver wasn’t broken… but Addy lived in the real world and knew some wouldn’t see it that way. “No, no… just…” The woman paused as if searching for just the right words to say about Oliver and what had happened with him or what she was going to do next. “I’m concerned for him and… just tell him I’m sorry for whatever happened today.” Addy nodded and the two parted, the Big’s car quickly speeding away. ‘Hmmm… seems like a good person, and… she’s not giving up on Oliver. Even if it’s a later rejection… she could still be a possibility today and that at least won’t kill his reputation around here.’ Armed with that tiny bit of good news, Addy stepped back into the facility. Right away, several Littles came up to her and asked what was wrong with Oliver. Not sure herself, Addy played it off as just ‘big feelings.’ For the more regressed Littles, they understood right away. For the less regressed, they either didn’t care enough in the first place or at least knew not to question a nurse around here about their Little. Walking steadily upstairs, Addy knocked a few times on Oliver’s door. After a moment, she grew concerned. “Oliver? You in there?” Worried, she checked the monitor. Something was blocking the view though… Sighing, Addy quickly unlocked the door with her wristband and entered inside, being sure to tiptoe as quiet as possible. Once inside, she saw Oliver… sound asleep. Apparently, he had passed out in bed. ‘Awww…’ Addy nearly had to clamp her hands over her mouth from saying that bit out loud. ‘Poor guy… so tuckered out. But… what is going on with you buddy?’ Addy could feel her heart emerge from her chest… a beating instrument just wanting to push her to go over and hug him. She didn’t. She knew he needed his rest and didn’t want to embarrass him that quite literally he was taking a nap. Now, with a Little taking a nap at this stage, she knew it was common practice around here to slowly slip the Little’s thumb or even just whatever finger was accessible and right into their mouth. With luck, the Little would wake up and begin to question themselves. It could lead to a tantrum or breakdown… but it could also lead to a breakthrough, and the Little would begin to let go of their barriers and actually start behaving like a Little. But Addy hated that practice. It was gaslighting a Little and there was something distasteful about messing with anyone’s head. Drugs and temporary measures to help them cope with life… sometimes that just came with the territory. It was a dirty practice, and Addy was more here for the comfort than the regression… so she didn’t mess with any of his fingers. Instead, she pulled out a blanket from the hidden compartment in Oliver’s room. Having picked it out herself, it was designed to be the softest, warmest and yet most breathable blanket out on the market. 70% of Littles were reported to have slept better with it. Only downside was the designs emblazoned over it… the cartoon airplanes nearly scream that the blanket was solely for a Little. But Addy wanted to give Oliver comfort with his nap, and hopefully, he wouldn’t care about the planes. Leaving his room, Addy made her way downstairs and knocked gently on Dr. Halgen’s office. She normally would have waited until tonight, but Oliver was slipping away fast from them. She needed advice and she needed it now, and knowing Dr. Halgen, she would be more than willing to help her out. “Dr. Halgen?” “Come in, Addy,” Dr. Halgen greeted her warmly. “Everything okay with Oliver? I saw him running upstairs just a bit ago… another bad Big or rejected or…?” Addy shook her head. “Another bad incident at the park, and Dr. Halgen… Tracey… that’s why I’m here.” Addy stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “I need advice on Oliver. I kneed to know what happened… even if it’s raw and shows me only a handful of frames… I need to see the footage now… not later.” Dr. Halgen looked hesitant but ultimately nodded and then turned her monitor toward Addy. “Well, here it is. His file has a flag on it today… got pushed to the top of the pile. But let’s see it together…” The two pushing in, the view was fairly decent, showing a wide and built-up playground set… just like Addy had suspected. Curiously, Oliver did make use of one of the slides and even a swing on the left side… but not the right. Still, all good and nothing to warrant an issue. “I don’t see anything… why is this fla…?” “Hold on… look…” Dr. Halgen pointed to the screen, and sure enough, a tired Oliver nearly fell asleep on the park bench. The woman Big with him, looked at him and while the audio was atrocious, it was clear that she was trying to have one last fun outing before leaving, even going so far as to pick him up. Looking close, Oliver was tired but happy… But then, she went to the swings on the right side. Being one of the few nice days in January, the park was surprisingly crowded and there was only one piece of equipment unoccupied… the tire swing. Oliver’s foot barely touched the thing, and he went off like his foot had suddenly touched a boiling kettle. His screams messed with the audio… even with the distance away from Oliver he was standing at. The Big pulled him away and her face contorted into the same confused and concerned look Addy had seen earlier. The video then stopped. Both women sat in silence, but Addy’s mind was racing… until her voice finally let something out. “What… what was that?” Dr. Halgen tried to speak up, but Addy was too wired now to notice. “I mean… what do I do with that in a Little? A tire swing? Addy snapped back to Dr. Halgen. “Kelsey… doctor… come on… what do you think of all this? Am I crazy? Can I even help him?” Instead of confusion on Dr. Halgen’s face though, there appeared clarity. She was still clearly mulling what she had seen over, but instead of yet another random puzzle piece that Addy had received, Dr. Halgen looked like she had found the key to the entire picture. Finally, she spoke up. “Addy… we need to talk… tonight, though, okay? We need some privacy to talk about all we need to at length. Because…” She then reached down and pulled at a thick manilla folder. “Oliver’s file came today just about 30 minutes ago.” Addy view the file… the supposedly unredacted file, like it was a gift from the heavens. It nearly shined out to her, and she wanted to take it… touch it and read it. She wanted to help Oliver… but she felt she couldn’t properly until she saw what was in there. Before she could ask for even a peak though, Dr. Halgen filed it away again. “Tonight, Addy. We need to talk about this openly… and that’s just not now during the day.” Dr. Halgen then readjusted her posture. “In the meantime, wait for Oliver to get up… then maybe ask him what happened. Maybe there’s something more you can learn that way. He seems to trust you now…” Addy was warmed to hear her say that, so, an hour later, when a sleepy Oliver descended the stairs, Addy was nearly biting at the bit. To her relief about the blanket at least, she saw him directly and there was no confusion… no anger…no revulsion. If anything, he seemed a little stiff in some parts and shaky and others… but that was it. Further, he kept his mouth shut and his eyes drawn… not a single peep about the blanket or what happened. Which is why, thirty minutes later, when he left the house, Addy followed him. Her concern growing for him every day, she saw a Little in need. In need of what still eluded her, but as he stopped at the pond, Addy saw his contemplation. She saw a lonely Little standing at the edge and looking out into the abyss. She wanted nothing more than to go over and give him the biggest hug she ever could… but she knew better. Oliver simply wasn’t there… yet. Still, she wanted to talk to him… to pry into him and see if she could help right this moment instead of waiting to sneak into his file and see what the heck happened to him. So, approaching slowly, Addy made sure to clear her throat instead of placing her hand on his shoulder or suddenly talking. Oliver jumped a little and turned around. “Oh… it’s you. Sorry… I was just…” He turned back toward the pond. “Thinking, I guess…” Addy saw her Little and saw how distant he seemed. It was hard not to be reminded of Mindy. For her, her cancer ate her to the bone and she seemed so light… so weak by the end, a wisp of her former vibrant self. For Oliver though, it looked like a stiff breeze could knock him over as well. Juventas drugs were more powerful and far more effective now… but he was still turning into a shell of himself as well. After a moment of silence, he spoke up, something clearly on his mind. “Sorry about today…” Shame and embarrassment came pouring through his words. “I… I didn’t mean to freak out and cry like that…” Addy always hated this part of a Little’s journey. The hypnosis and drugs Oliver was imbibing were causing his barriers to drop making him more emotional, but he also still was holding tightly into the reigns of his leftover adult emotions from either a form of sheer machismo or just pure ego. She wasn’t sure which it was, but she could feel her fingers itching to start giving him affection. But seeing how vulnerable he was, she didn’t want to push him away now… so she didn’t. Instead, she used her words. “You remember I told you that you could tell me anything, right?” Addy held her breath until Oliver slowly nodded his head. “That applies to now as well, and…” She hesitated to push with her words, but she knew she needed to at least try with him… at least before this got even worse. Just as Oliver looked like he was about to flat-out deny it, Addy spoke back up first. “Please don’t tell me it’s just nothing. I see you… I see your night terrors. I even see your reactions to other people shouting and sudden loud noises. Something is eating at you and I see it… and I want to help.” “I remember…” was all he said. Nothing more… just silence and a look from him that appeared it could bore through the earth as he stared down at the slightly muddy ground at his feet. “Then what is it?” Addy pushed, a few of her barriers dropping now. “Please, Oliver… please tell me. I want to help you and I have an open ear, no judgement… and an open heart.” She hoped her words would be enough, but every word she spouted seemed to only shrivel up Oliver more. Like a flower enclosed at night, Oliver shrank further and further away as she spoke. She saw it, but she couldn’t stop herself. She wanted to help and the part that told her to stop wasn’t as loud as the part of her that wanted to help her Little. “Stop!” Oliver finally said, his lower lip trembling, as if he was about to start crying again. “Please… please, Addy. Please don’t make me talk about it. I… I just… I don’t want to start crying again.” Despite his wish, he already had to wipe his eyes on his jacket sleeve. “Please…” Seeing that, the part of Addy wanting to comfort him changed into one of restraint to prevent further trauma for him today. Something was going on and she would find out, but like an open wound, Addy knew to stop digging before Oliver wouldn’t speak to her at all anymore. “I… I’m sorry, Oliver. I just want to help you and… sometimes, I get carried away… Please forgive me.” She made sure to give him her most sympathetic eyes… or at least her sincerest ones. Oliver shuddered a little, his mind clearly playing whatever his night terrors were about or whatever happened with a playground again and again. Addy knew something needed to break and soon or Oliver would just be a shell and nothing more… no life or love or hope if something didn’t happen soon. She had seen it before too. Littles would become more vulnerable here but would hold back until they burst. To put it mildly, they just kind of lost it… their contracts voided and all of them now spending their lives either heavily medicated or sitting somewhere in a facility. Seeing Oliver like this, it broke her heart that she was causing his old wounds to be reopened. Fortunately, the ties between them were a little stronger than Addy’s anxiety were making them out to be. It took some time, but Oliver finally nodded to her. “It’s okay… just… I need time or… something…” As Oliver looked out at the pond, Addy nudged him over to a bench to sit down on. The ducks were quacking and little ripples appeared in the cold waters. She made sure to sit first, letting Oliver choose the distance. And when he sat right next to her and his weary body, unintentionally or not, leaned against hers, her heart felt a warm spot of healing. There was a gap between them, but with her respect of his boundaries as much as she could and her unflinching support of whatever he needed… it was at last starting to pay off. Maybe not in the way most would want between a Big and Little here… but it was something pure and unforced. As the sky overhead began to switch over to soft yellows and then deep oranges and reds and purples, Addy gathered Oliver back to the house, fed him and Katrina dinner and tucked both in soundly for the night. To her surprise, Oliver was more than a little hesitant that Addy wasn’t staying the night like she normally would have. “It’s okay… I’ll be back,” she reassured him, seeming like the only thing that got him to shut his eyes at last. Seeing that and shutting off his overhead light, the Lighthouse still illuminating the room in soft blue lighting, Addy exited the room quietly and went back downstairs. Getting to the bottom floor, Addy pushed open the door into Dr. Halgen’s office. Poking her head in, Addy saw her mentor, friend, and boss huddling in front of her monitor, her face awash with apprehension and concern. “Dr. Halgen… is this a good time? Did you still want to see me about…?” Much to her surprise though, Dr. Halgen quickly held a finger up to her lips before beckoning her inside. “Yes, Addy!” she then said loudly. “Have a seat, please. We need to discuss Oliver and Katrina. Apparently, both are going to need some serious work! Drugs! Hypnosis! Maybe even surgery!” “Wha…?” Addy made out right before Dr. Halgen’s eyes widened and she shook her head before gesturing for Addy to play along. “Oh, right…” Addy wasn’t used to the cloak and dagger side of things, but quickly catching on, Addy stumbled about her words as Dr. Halgen then removed a familiar device from her desk. As soon as it was set up and the light started blinking, Dr. Halgen let out a huge breath of air. “Whew! Glad we can talk freely now. Thick doors, thicker walls, and an anti-listening device.” Addy nodded, feeling a little relief herself… especially with the likes of Penny and Dr. Tracey wandering the halls of this place now. “Yeah, but… maybe we need to come up with some signals or code words, because… you seemed like you went a little insane there for a second.” “Oh…” Dr. Halgen blushed a little. “Sorry about that. I’m almost entirely sure we’re being monitored, but I don’t know where the microphones are. So, I needed to be sure they would pick up my voice. But now…” Her eyes turned to her monitor. “We really do need to talk about Oliver…” “You mean… his file?” Addy questioned before seeing Dr. Halgen retrieve the manilla folder once more. “Yes,” Dr. Halgen confirmed. “We’ll talk about his unredacted file, but…” She reached down and clicked a few spots on her screen… pulling up a video. “This is really what you need to see though. After hearing about Oliver’s… peculiarities and seeing that video today… this all makes a lot more sense…” “Okay!” Addy said, feeling both nervous yet more than ready enough to see whatever was on the video she was about to watch. “I’m ready. If this helps me with Oliver, then…” “Hold it…” Dr. Halgen interrupted, holding up her hand to stop Addy as well for good measure. “I need to warn you about what you’re about to see…” She took a deep breath, and sadness had already started to wrap around her face. “It’s… it’s a lot…” “Is it bad?” Addy asked, knowing the answer deep down already though. Dr. Halgen nodded. “You need to see it yourself, but I’ll say this… I would never show what you’re about to see to a Little in a million years. But… I thought I should at least warn you before we watch it…” Addy stared at the monitor in front of her. She didn’t like the notion of watching something so cruel or scary or just downright evil. She knew it had to be bad with what she had seen from Oliver, but a warning from Dr. Halgen just sent shivers of fear up and down her body. But she knew what she had to do. ‘For Oliver…’ Taking a deep breath, she slowly nodded. “Play it, please… I need to know…” Dr. Halgen nodded and Addy winced as she braced for what she was about to watch.  

I checked it out on mobile - feels a little clunky loading but I've seen worse lol. As ValentinesStuff mentioned, a way to filter by size would be great. Size small diapers are rare in general(only a few prints provide them, and even fewer make it into other shops besides the manufacturer's), so if I wanted to find out if any were in stock I'd have to click through all 71 products. 

I don't ride much, but I do enjoy some off road trail riding time to time.

Try a burner phone.