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I bought a load of 50cm terry squares from the Nappy Lady here in the UK. I fold them into 3. They're made of quite thin terry so they dry quickly. -
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By Kitty Angel · Posted
129. My Last Minute Jitters I was up early on Friday morning. For a few seconds I groaned, and wondered why my circadian rhythm had chosen to wake me at this hour. But then all the realisation clicked in, and I knew exactly where the excitement was coming from. I had booked the day off work, and almost everything I’d done over the last six weeks had been building up to this moment. Today, I would see all my plans come to fruition. And once Ffrances agreed to marry me, I could shift my focus to the last few details that would hold our family together forever. To reminding Tess that her little side still needed care, and reinforcing her littlespace so that she wouldn’t have to come out of it. I rushed to get dressed, expecting that it would be quite some time before Tess was awake. Ffrances hadn’t stayed here last night, so we hadn’t done so much as a family, but I knew that she had been up quite late, and I’d been able to hear her talking to her friends on the phone when I called it a night. So I was surprised to come downstairs after my shower and find that she was already awake. She had a pack of diapers in her hands, the ugly medical ones. I wasn’t sure if they were new ones, or some of the ones that I had previously sabotaged in the hope that she would feel less inhibited about wearing the cute ones once she found that they were more effective. “Oh, you got new diapers?” I said, and started reminding her that I could buy more whenever she wanted, and there was really no need for her to get them herself. And that there was no shame in picking designs that she actually liked. There were nearly a hundred options on the market now, and I wanted her to know that I could get whichever ones she wanted. But she interrupted me pretty quickly to protest that she wasn’t a baby, and she felt like she had to keep on pretending to be an adult. I was always sad when I heard that, but I didn’t want to make her feel bad. She was already nervous enough. Besides which, I needed to be moving on. But we talked for a few minutes. I reminded her that I was getting Ffrances the comic book today, but that I thought that while we were both so happy in the evening, it could be a good opportunity for Tess to be a baby again. I knew she must need it; she would have been having accidents every night this week, and even a couple in the day. But the most I could get out of her was a ‘Maybe’ when I asked if she wanted to be little tonight. I just had to hope that it would work out well. But then she changed the subject, and she had something else to ask: “Remember what I said yesterday? About Spike coming to stay for a while? That won’t stop me being little, if that’s what you want.” I was sure that if I allowed that boy in the house, she would be a lot less comfortable in littlespace. Maybe that was what she needed; a chance to realise that she couldn’t do it with him in the way. But I knew that it would be a lot easier if she could just tell him that it wasn’t convenient to stay. So I promised that I would ask Ffrances when we met up, and I would let Tess know if it was okay. She agreed with that, and I rushed downstairs to start getting breakfast ready. I was still thinking about it as I sorted out a quick breakfast for both of us. I wasn’t sure if it would be best to text her an hour after I left the house, to tell her that Ffrances didn’t think it was safe. Or if it would be better to let her build up her hopes a little longer, so that the young stalker would start to get frustrated as she put him off. If he got angry before she had an answer, that would be a good way to show her that respecting adult guidance had helped her to dodge a bullet. “I can’t drive you to school today,” I said slowly. I probably could have dropped her off on the way to Greater Ashfields, but I didn’t want to be waiting for her, and “Will you be okay going by yourself? I know you try to act grown-up, but it must be hard after taking care of yourself for a whole week. You’re going to surprise yourself and have an accident as soon as a teacher asks where you’ve been. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” “I’ll be fine,” Tess said. “I’ve got everything planned, I know the bus timetable.” “That’s my girl. But just let me know if you need any help, okay? You’ll have a surprise accident when a teacher gives you the schoolwork you missed, too. I’ll be out with Ffrances, but if you have any more problems…” She tried to put on a brave face, told me that she would be fine. I had to admire her tenacity. Even going to school must be nerve-wracking, when she knew how frequent her accidents had become over the last week. But I couldn’t stay to comfort her, or to try to persuade her that she didn’t need to do everything herself. But when she made it clear that she was going, I knew that I had to let her make her own mistakes this time. She would call me when she was in trouble, I was sure. And Ffrances wouldn’t mind a little disruption to our date if the call came too early; the gift was more important than the lunch anyway. I set off as quickly as I could, while Tess rushed upstairs to get her books ready for school. And then the big day had properly started. Finally, my nerves built up enough to compete with all the excitement. But I knew that everything would go perfectly; I’d spent long enough planning for this day, after all. And my plans never left room for mistakes. If my success was based on the number of times I told myself that I could do this before I even got to Greater Ashfields, I would have been guaranteed to get everything I wanted. But I knew that this was such a big deal, I couldn’t afford even the slightest mistake. And I was filled with fear, dreading something coming up that I hadn’t even thought about. The first stage went well. I turned up at the now-familiar door of Malarkey & Sons, and found it still locked. It was hard to tell when the place was open, because the windows revealed nothing but the backs of Isaac’s shelving, or were covered over with paper to protect his precious comic books from the threat of direct sunlight. But this time, nobody would have expected him to be there. The first shops weren’t starting to open yet. But I’d been here twice more since that day with Kernigan; I’d told Ffrances that I wanted her friends to accept me too, and we’d had more fun at the game nights now I could be less reserved. And I knew that even when the shop wasn’t open, either Isaac or Frank would probably be inside if somebody knocked. They didn’t exactly keep normal business hours, and Isaac treated the stock here like it was his own personal library. I was sure he knew exactly what he had, and loved every issue. I tapped gently on the door, and waited. Five minutes passed, and then there was a chirp from my phone. With nothing better to do, I looked at the screen. Isaac. He wanted to tell me that my present was here as promised, and to just knock if I wanted to pick it up before they properly opened. I quickly responded to tell him that I was already here, and barely a minute passed before the door opened. I stepped into the gloom, and found that both Isaac and his husband were in there. One was bustling around trying to make sure that everything was tidy in case a new customer came in – I guessed that was a part of his morning routine – and the other was sitting in the rocking chair, sandwiched between the rows of file cabinets with a trade paperback in his hands. “Ffrances is going to be over the moon when she sees this,” Frank said, pointing down at the page. “This is incredible, like the biggest gesture you could have made.” “You already read it?” I said, hesitating. “He’s been reading while I unpack the rest of the day’s deliveries,” Isaac explained. “He couldn’t believe MK was willing to do that for you. I’ve not seen it yet. I plan to read it once I’ve sent out notifications to let all of my regulars know their copies are in. And in the circumstances, I suspect that several of them will be here to pick up theirs, so it may be lunchtime before I see what it actually looks like. Maybe Ffrances will see the question before me.” “I hope so,” I said. “Or at least, I hope I can give it to her before anyone spoils the surprise.” “I’ll remind people,” he said. “They probably wouldn’t tell her anyway; finding your own handle in one of those pages is an experience to treasure, and they don’t want to spoil that for her. I’ll just tell them not to spoil it for the people who are mentioned, like I have before when a friend of a friend got in, so they won’t know it’s something out of the ordinary until they get there.” “I can’t thank you enough,” I said. “A few months ago, this was all just a crazy dream. And now that dream is coming true.” “You could have told us you had MK here,” Frank said, a little grumpy. “I didn’t find out who he was until last week! Talk about keeping secrets.” “It was what he wanted,” I said. “But I’ll invite him to the wedding. You can talk to him again there.” “Good luck with that. And with the proposal. I mean, I’d never have the courage to do something like that.” “Me either,” Isaac said with a laugh, and I saw the glance between them hinting at some kind of private joke. I was pretty sure they were married, so I guessed that something silly and memorable had happened around their proposal. But I didn’t have time to ask all the questions now. I had plans to follow through on, and my schedule this morning was already pretty tight. We chatted for maybe a minute before while Isaac carefully lifted my new book out from the cabinet that had been holding it. It was packaged in a dustproof jacket, inside a sleeve, inside an envelope. That was how all pre-ordered books were sold here, he said. There was a label affixed to the front with my name on, but it had “by hand” in place of the address. And I watched Isaac gently grip the corner of the sticker and pull it cleanly away, leaving no evidence of what was inside. As gift wrapping went, I thought it was quite possibly perfect. Back in my truck, I set the satnav for Nikolai Jordyn’s, and quickly drove around the circular road. It was the kind of place I would never normally consider going, but today was a special day, and every little detail had to be perfect. They were going to sort out my makeup and hair style for me, and then give me some privacy to change into an elegant dress that I’d left with them yesterday. I wanted to look perfect when I met Ffrances today, and that meant no expense spared. By the time I was all dressed up, I looked like I would fit in at the poshest restaurant in the three counties area. But I was also a little later than I had planned; I hoped that Ffrances wasn’t already waiting for me. And I realised that I hadn’t thought properly about what I was going to do with the truck tonight. I didn’t want to leave it in Pine Ridge when I went to meet my fiancée, but it really wasn’t the kind of vehicle they would expect at a place like that. But nerves hadn’t blunted my quick thinking; I got my phone out and sent her a message on XV, asking if she could collect me in her car, so we wouldn’t look out of place. I could drive home, change vehicles, and then we would both be ready for a perfect day out. Nothing else could go wrong. I glanced down at the bag on the seat, a comic book further disguised in a fancy bag from NJ’s, and prayed that my plans really were as foolproof as I thought. -
By Kitty Angel · Posted
129. Living Together On Friday morning, Tess woke up in the grey spare room again. She sat up and stretched, and wasn’t entirely surprised to find that her overnight diaper was soaked. She sighed, threw on a robe, and then went into the bathroom to change. And as soon as she was in her clothes for the day, she hesitated, thinking back over the last week. She’d been in the hospital for a little over a week, sleeping in a chair, and had been so worried about Spike that she didn’t even stop to think about her own problem. Until the week before she had been waking up wet two or three times each week; but in the hospital it had never crossed her mind. That was important. She would have to remember to let Dr Lutwa know about that change when she came to her next appointment. It could have been important, not least because it seemed to disprove the theory that her problem was somehow psychological. During that week she’d been more stressed than ever, and putting even more pressure on herself to be the responsible one and fix everything. And she hadn’t wet herself the whole time. Was there any kind of psychological pressure that would get better when she was pushing herself harder? She didn’t know, but it seemed to give a new direction to any attempts to guess what might be wrong. Or perhaps it was because she’d had a chair. A reclining chair, for sure, but only the slightly clunky one that the hospital provided by default. Was it possible that could make the difference? Would she be safe if she slept sitting up? She couldn’t guess what it might be, but she knew for sure now that she wasn’t mysteriously cured. So she had two guesses now; that her bedwetting was alleviated either by changing her sleeping posture, or by letting her maternal instincts dominate her actions and taking control of the situation. Or some chemical permeating the air at Gabby’s house which she had somehow carried with her on the Christmas break. She couldn’t really guess whether it was a physical or psychological problem, but she was sure that Dr Lutwa would have more guesses, and would know the best way to investigate further. When she got back to her room, after a rushed shower, she was starting to feel alive again. But then she thought about their plans for today, and how easy it would be to keep Spike from finding out about her little problem. Would she even be able to hide it? She decided to start the day by doing the essential stuff in any case; she dropped down to the floor in the spare room, and pulled out all the packs of adult diapers from under the bed. Then she carried them two at a time across the landing to her own room. To the nursery. She would have to live in there again, because the spare room needed to be clear. She’d thought about it the night before, and while Gabby was driving her back from Upper Ashfields, she had set the alarm on her phone to wake her early. Everything went smoothly, and she was carrying the last pack across when she saw Gabby coming towards her down the stairs. “Oh, you got new diapers?” Gabby asked. “Poor baby, you shouldn’t have to buy those things yourself. I can order them, you know. There are so many nice designs, and if you let me know which ones you want–” “I’m not an adult baby,” Tess answered curtly. “I’ve got these because they’re functional, and only until the doctors can work out what’s wrong with me. They don’t need to be cute. And I really want to keep your age regression stuff separate from my actual problem. Okay?” “I can get whatever you want. Just let me look after you. You don’t need to shoulder the problems of the world all the time. And I’m sure that you’ll find it gets to be less of a problem once you let yourself accept help when you need it. Even if you won’t let yourself admit it, I bet that you’re really missing the time in littlespace after the week you’ve had. You can let me help you to feel better, can’t you? It’s surely stress based, I heard your problem has been getting worse all the time you were away, so an evening as a little one will be just what you need. And I bet you’ll be able to stay dry afterwards. How about tonight? I’ll be giving Ffrances that gift today, and I think it would be wonderful for us to spend some time together as a family.” “Maybe,” Tess gave the most noncommittal answer. She wondered if she should leave it at that, but she didn’t want to completely blindside Gabby. She wanted to give her a chance to show that she really cared. “Remember what I said yesterday? About Spike coming to stay for a while? That won’t stop me being little, if that’s what you want.” “I’ll still have to ask Ffrances about that,” Gabby said. “You know how strict she can be. And your parents as well, of course.” “They suggested he could move into our spare room last year, when Duke was being rougher than usual. But Spike felt like he had to protect his mum. So I emailed them now, and I know they won’t have any problem with it.” “I’ll still call them,” Gabby said. “I’ll ask Ffrances today, and I’m pretty sure she’ll say it’s not healthy for two kids your age to be under the same roof. But I promise, if she’s willing to give you a chance, I’ll find a time to call your parents as well. And I’ll let you know when I’ve made my decision.” “Okay,” Tess said, and nodded. She was still nervous about how Gabby would react when she got home and found Spike here already; but she wasn’t going to change her plans now. She wasn’t sure that she was doing the right thing, but the decision had been made. If Ffrances sent a message to say that there’d been some problem, she would have to make another plan. But for now they had to act as if everything was going ahead. Tess stowed the diapers out of sight in one of the changing table’s many cupboards. She put the blanket over it again, as well. She knew that Spike had already seen it, against all her intentions, but she could at least pretend he didn’t know that she would go that far. And she had already decided that he wouldn’t be around her in that vulnerable headspace until they’d had plenty of time to set proper ground rules, like the ones she had given Gabby. There was no chance he would see the medical diapers and wonder if she was wearing them for a reason disconnected from Gabby’s weird obsession. Tess still wasn’t happy about lying to him. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell him about the times she’d actually wet herself. That made her almost like the baby she’d spent years saying she wasn’t, and she didn’t want to be pitied. She wanted to get over this problem, so that she wouldn’t have to admit her weakness. Now… she didn’t know if she could hide it. So she promised herself that if Spike figured it out, she would tell him the whole truth. That was all she could do for now. She wasn’t sure what she should plan to do today. Really, she should have been in school. She was bound to get complaints from a couple of the teachers about the number of days she had been absent, and she was sure that they would start asking questions about the vague reasons she had phoned in while she was staying at Pine Ridge. But one more day was unlikely to make a big difference, and she knew that getting Spike moved in was the important thing. She sent Ffrances and Spike an XV message, on a group chat where she knew neither of them had opted to delay messages. She outlined her conversation with Gabby, and asked if they were okay to go ahead without Gabby’s approval. The response came quickly enough: that Gabby had said to ask Ffrances, and that Ffrances had already agreed. If there was any disagreement, Ffrances would be the one taking responsibility. She was sure that Gabby was trying to impress her today, and wouldn’t throw all that effort away just to hurt Spike. They didn’t talk too much at breakfast. Tess had expected Gabby to ask so many questions, but she was clearly focusing all her thoughts on the day ahead, and her gift for Ffrances. Tess didn’t really see why it was so important, except that it showed Gabby was actually trying to think about what her girlfriend wanted rather than what Gabby wanted to give. But she was glad that she could eat without too many questions flying around. “I can’t drive you to school today,” Gabby said. “Will you be okay going by yourself? I know you try to act grown-up, but I don’t want anything to happen to you.” “I’ll be fine,” Tess said. “I’ll get the bus, just like always.” “That’s my girl. But just let me know if you need any help, okay? I’ll be out with Ffrances, but if you have any more problems…” “I know.” After breakfast, the time that Tess would normally have spent packing her bags for school was instead devoted to making sure that all of her possessions were back in the nursery, and there was nothing visible that might hint at her embarrassing problem. Then she grabbed her school bag, packed with just the essentials, and headed off to catch the bus just like normal. She sent more messages on the way, so she could keep Spike up to speed on where she was. Everything was going to plan. Tami asked Tess if she was okay, noticing that she hadn’t been on the bus for a few days. She told him that she had other things to deal with, and then disembarked when they stopped in Pine Ridge. From there, she went to Ffrances’s house, which she found relatively easily. Spike was waiting for her at the door, and offered a hug without any prompting. “You ready to move?” she asked. “I don’t know how long we should wait to be sure Gabby is out. She said she has to go out early this morning?” “Looks like she’s heading to Greater Ashfields,” Ffrances answered. “I don’t know what she’s got in mind, she said we were going for a lunch date, but she’s booked the whole day off work. I feel bad spying on her, but we need to know she’s out of the house, so I told her to use the satnav on her phone whenever she goes somewhere today. She still has location sharing on, so that means I can track her location, even if she’s not using… Well, anyway… I think we’re good to go. If she heads home instead of coming to meet me, I’ll intercept her before she gets to the house. You both sure you’re okay with this?” Spike nodded nervously, while Tess answered for both of them. The waiting was over; it was time to move.
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