Embracing the blurry vibes that come with being diaper dependent

[Enthusi]

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced the blurry vibes that come with being in diapers 24/7 and especially being diaper dependent?  It’s a hard sensation to describe, but I’ll do my best. 

After a while the “monotony” of fresh diaper -> wet diaper -> Diaper change -> fresh diaper -> wet diaper sets in.   (Actually I  enjoy the monotony as it’s a sign of being diaper dependent, but that’s besides the point.)   Simultaneously when your bladder control plummets, your voiding schedule gets more erratic and your frequency increases, so it gets harder to tell when you’re due for a change.    

Now, combine the endless cycling between wet and dry diapers with the erratic nature of your bladder and you things start to feel blurry.  Are you wet? Are you dry? Does it matter?  Didn’t you just wet yourself?  Was that this diaper, or the previous diaper?  How is this diaper dry? How is that diaper soaked? Your natural instinct is to make sense of what’s going on and pay more attention to how your diaper got this way.   However I’ve noticed that when I embrace the blur and even lean into it, it’s kind of relaxing and enjoyable.  
 

[DLJeff52]

As usual, another interesting topic and right in line with some of my experience.  From your posts and several responses lately, I've been re-evaluating the worth of tracking and monitoring everything vs. just letting the blur or the flow occur.  On the one hand I find there to be personal worth in exploring the "reasons" as you stated to understand what is happening and therefore how better to attack certain control functions to succeed in untraining.  On the other hand, the more I pay attention to something, the more I may be influencing something to happen, or even to not happen.  

All that to say, that the more the blur becomes something that I experience, the more I gain confidence that something big is underway.  So then I want more blur!  What I need to resist is the urge to figure out how exactly to "re-create" the blur, and just celebrate the moments where blurriness keeps my vision from over focussing on the process.  

Thanks!

[Enthusi]

6 minutes ago, DLJeff52 said:

All that to say, that the more the blur becomes something that I experience, the more I gain confidence that something big is underway.

By Jove, he gets it! @DLJeff52 I’m glad you appreciate the significance of the blur. It’s a fundamentally different mentality than most ABDL’s and by proxy, continent people are used to.  

[FretaBWet]

I'm not sure It's a blur for me but I get the monotony of the diaper change cycle. I really find myself leaking especially at home. I know I'm wet but I have to physically check my diaper to see if I'm needing changed. It's really easy to have leaks when you're trying to get 100% out of your diaper. I do appreciate these posts for just being able to compare other people's experiences.

Hugs,

Freta

[Little Sherri]

I definitely understand and embrace "The Blur", which, by the way, is a great way to describe it. Experiencing this blur tells me that I've been wearing my diapers as I should, and that I've been wearing them for a looooong time now.  A big part of getting to where you're in the blur mode is also dispensing with all other forms of underwear. I've been 24/7 for a bit over 3 years, but I tossed my last pair of boxer shorts just shy of two years ago. That's when the blur starts to set in - when there can be no question as to what you have to wear. Life becomes an endless (and glorious) succession of diaper changes. Every week, my diaper drawer gets loaded and my diaper can gets emptied. Diapers that used to be really novel are now just par for the course. I like my plain white ones as much as my newest ABDL printed diapers. My wife doesn't blink anymore. She packs diapers in my suitcase for me. She told me the last time I had to wear a suit that I should wear a diaper shirt "just to keep everything together." Probably 4 days out of 5, when I work from home, I'm wearing just a diaper and a golf shirt for most of the day. This has become normal. Which pleases me endlessly. Much like brushing my teeth, which I can barely remember doing, even today, selecting and putting on a diaper is so routine that it doesn't get logged much of the time. 

Once the kids move out (which isn't happening anytime soon), I think that's how I'll spend almost all of my time - I'm even planning out my backyard so that I can work out there in a diaper and not give the neighbours PTSD. I believe that someday I'll be saying I'm 20 years 24/7, and that much of it will have been a glorious blur. 

[Enthusi]

@FretaBWet  If you’re at the point where you have to check your diaper to know for certain how wet you are, then you’re far beyond the point where you can plan to use 100 percent of your diaper without leaking.  At this point I’d say that’s more of an aspirational goal.  XD  

@Little Sherri Amen!  I have kids as well.  Strangely, even though they’ve inadvertently seen me in a diaper before (I’m convinced it’s impossible to completely hide from kids if you’re 24/7 and don’t own underwear ), they don’t seem to be aware that adults can wear diapers. So, they don’t realize I’m wearing a diaper, even if my “underwear” is plastic and thick and crinkly and tapes up.  It’s just a matter of time before they’ll put 2 and 2 together. Hopefully the “monotony” of being incontinent will work to my advantage. If it’s not a big deal to me or my wife that I’m incontinent then it won’t be to them.   Anyways, I also agree that at some point a diaper is a diaper. As long as it stops the pee from getting on your pants or furniture.  Though having thick diapers that don’t feel wet adds to the blur. 

[Little Cub Pants]

6 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

@FretaBWet  If you’re at the point where you have to check your diaper to know for certain how wet you are, then you’re far beyond the point where you can plan to use 100 percent of your diaper without leaking.  At this point I’d say that’s more of an aspirational goal.  XD  

@Little Sherri Amen!  I have kids as well. It’s funny, they’ve inadvertently seen me in a diaper before (I’m convinced it’s impossible to completely hide from kids if you’re 24/7 and don’t own underwear ). However they don’t seem to be aware that adults can wear diapers and as such don’t realize I’m wearing a diaper, even if my “underwear” is plastic and thick and crinkly and tapes up.  It’s just a matter of time before they’ll put 2 and 2 together and I’m prepared for the day when that happens.  But I digress.  Anyways, I also agree that at some point a diaper is a diaper. As long as it stops the pee from getting on your pants or furniture.  Though having thick diapers that don’t feel wet adds to the blur. 

You have kids buddy?! Do they know about your diapers and your wanting to be incontinent?!? That's VERY interesting!?? BIG HUGS!!!!???????♥️???☺️??♥️?????

[Enthusi]

3 minutes ago, BabyJeggySpideyBoy said:

You have kids buddy?! Do they know about your diapers and your wanting to be incontinent?!? That's very interesting!?? Big hugs!!!!???????♥️???☺️??♥️?????

Ahh I just updated my post to clarify. Yes. They’re both younger.  I treat my diapers the same as any responsible parent treats underwear.  They dont quite “get” that I wear diapers even if they accidentally saw what looks like a diaper poking out above my pants. 

[Little Cub Pants]

25 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

Ahh I just updated my post to clarify. Yes. They’re both younger.  I treat my diapers the same as any responsible parent treats underwear.  They dont quite “get” that I wear diapers even if they accidentally saw what looks like a diaper poking out above my pants. 

That's GOOD buddy! We should talk more often. What made you decide that you wanted to start wearing diapers all the time???????☺️??♥️????

[DiapergirlWB]

I'm not nearly as far along as you are.  I have been wearing on and off for about 20ish years.  Last few years my wearing has increased drastically.  I tend to go on 3-5 day binges of 24/7 then a day or two off then repeat.  I do get some that last a week or more longest being 3 weeks.  After the first few days I tend to start losing track of whats going on.  How many times I wet, how much did I wet, the signals are less noticeable that i have to wet and it can sneak up on me.  This has been going on for the last 3 years or so.  I have not achieved any real level of Incontinence but I have become very practiced at not holding and ignoring when I wet so that it becomes a habit fairly quickly.  So i do understand the blurry feelings I my goal is to increase the blurry feelings.  I have no desire to test or track my cortrol but to completly put it out of my mind.

[oznl]

Rapidly closing in on 3.5 years of exclusively peeing in my pants, a certain monotony of nappy use does seem to have taken on a life of its own for the last several months.  This to the point where I thought it would be pertinent for me to respond.  This ambient-sameness has progressed to the point where I’ve found it hard sometimes to think of something to say on my own blog.  Perhaps this is a cue that I should NOT say something as opposed to trying to fill a void with ASCII?

With the retreat of my nappies from all-consuming novelty toward mundane, comfortable, temporal fact I’m noticing (only in retrospect of course) that for longer and longer periods of time, things are running on “automatic” down there.  It’s not incontinence.  I could stop it if I thought to but thoughtlessness has become much easier to slip into.  In a typical day now, I can dimly recall a few “micro-wetting” events (permitted) but by changing time, I’m often micro-surprised about how I got to be as wet as I am.  The timing is right but the total of my sogginess appears to be greater than the sum of the contributory parts.

Many nights merge into wet mornings with no clear insight into what happened.  Maybe I wet in my sleep, maybe I woke.  Does it make any difference?

I’ve noticed for some time also that bladder signals are mostly absent or muted.

So yes, visibility into the mechanics underpinning all of this are definitely becoming blurred.

It’s moving in the direction of breathing.  I am aware of my breathing when I choose to think about it and within parameters, I can pause it if I choose to (for a while), I can force it if I choose to but it can shade-like, melt into invisibility upon distraction.

We’ll have to see how far this goes.

[spark]

4 hours ago, oznl said:

Rapidly closing in on 3.5 years of exclusively peeing in my pants, a certain monotony of nappy use does seem to have taken on a life of its own for the last several months.  This to the point where I thought it would be pertinent for me to respond.  This ambient-sameness has progressed to the point where I’ve found it hard sometimes to think of something to say on my own blog.  Perhaps this is a cue that I should NOT say something as opposed to trying to fill a void with ASCII?

With the retreat of my nappies from all-consuming novelty toward mundane, comfortable, temporal fact I’m noticing (only in retrospect of course) that for longer and longer periods of time, things are running on “automatic” down there.  It’s not incontinence.  I could stop it if I thought to but thoughtlessness has become much easier to slip into.  In a typical day now, I can dimly recall a few “micro-wetting” events (permitted) but by changing time, I’m often micro-surprised about how I got to be as wet as I am.  The timing is right but the total of my sogginess appears to be greater than the sum of the contributory parts.

Many nights merge into wet mornings with no clear insight into what happened.  Maybe I wet in my sleep, maybe I woke.  Does it make any difference?

I’ve noticed for some time also that bladder signals are mostly absent or muted.

So yes, visibility into the mechanics underpinning all of this are definitely becoming blurred.

It’s moving in the direction of breathing.  I am aware of my breathing when I choose to think about it and within parameters, I can pause it if I choose to (for a while), I can force it if I choose to but it can shade-like, melt into invisibility upon distraction.

We’ll have to see how far this goes.

This is something I've noticed about my own journey.   I notice the micro-wettings, but I don't react to them.   My signal is "Oh, I'm going to pee," and then I do.   I guess if wanted to, I could use the toilet, but I don't.

I've also noticed that I'm surprised just how soggy my diaper get, especially when I'm by myself.   Today I was wearing a diaper, and about to head to the gym.  I processed it and decided my diaper was far too wet to go out in public.  In the past i would have metered it, so I could make it back from the gym without a leak, and definitely wouldn't have considered going out with a soggy diaper. (BTW- I didn't.  I changed before heading out.)

I also had an accident at my cousin's house.   I was visiting, and I typically don't wear a diaper if I'm visiting somebody.  It is mostly about the disposal of the used diapers, rather than fear of exposure (although- that is part it).  I use Pull-Ups to provide some security, and as we all know adult pull-ups can absorb dribbles.   I didn't dribble, and my shorts got wet.  Fortunately I was able to discreetly excuse myself and cleanup without being noticed (or if they did notice, they didn't say anything).

[Stroller]

100% blur here.  If course I have to change myself, so I have to remember to check mentally before I go out, in case I'm risking maxing out my nappy.  But that's the exception in the day.  Most of the time everything's on automatic.  And that suits me fine.

[Kawaharu]

11 hours ago, Stroller said:

100% blur here.  If course I have to change myself, so I have to remember to check mentally before I go out, in case I'm risking maxing out my nappy.  But that's the exception in the day.  Most of the time everything's on automatic.  And that suits me fine.

I'm like that too. I'm at 100% blur and at a point where I am checking my diapers to make sure I am wet and If I am, I know I am fully using them as intended and knowing that I am gona be in a diaper for a very long time.

[~Brian~]

2 hours ago, Kawaharu said:

I'm like that too. I'm at 100% blur and at a point where I am checking my diapers to make sure I am wet and If I am, I know I am fully using them as intended and knowing that I am gona be in a diaper for a very long time.

@Kawaharu

I have always had problems sometimes or when it is warm outside. This is because of the fact that you have to keep hydrated in order to make sure your stomach does not start playing loop the loops with you. I've also been noticing that I have been using my diapers a lot more lately. Every shift on a Saturday I come home with a diaper that is so heavy that would probably put a hole in a window or break the glass out of one. You could probably use it aboard a Coast Guard vessel as a piece of ordnance to fire at an enemy. I also noticed there is a heck of a difference if I am drinking properly and enough liquid because my pee is not dark yellow. If your pee is a different color, this indicates that your kidneys might need to do extra work, because in the morning your kidneys release, and when they do it gets rid of all the impurities, which is why your pee is darker in the morning than it is at any other time of the day. If done right, and you drink enough water, your pee is either a light yellow or clear. I've been noticing lately that my diapers are full and so therefore, I must be using them properly and I also am getting rid of anything that is not needed by my body. Ever since I started wearing diapers in 2020, I have been noticing that I have steadily become more dependent on them, and this doesn't bother me, because it's easier for me to deal with this than to not deal with it that way. It takes me a few minutes to change, but this way at least I can tell what's going on by looking at things while I change period I've even started using clear barrier cream from North Shore to make sure that I am protecting my skin so that I don't have any problems with rashes or skin breakdown.

I agree if you're using your diapers, that means that you're doing OK. You have to make sure that you are keeping yourself hydrated, and if you're hungry, Eat: The only thing that I would advise is if you have a problem with an upset stomach not to eat something heavy because then you will probably be depositing something in your diaper faster than you want to be.

(listening to a documentary on YouTube about the El Faro: man those guys need kick in the **** sounds like they need a qualified skipper aboard that vessel,  too bad we couldn't make these idiots walk the plank hehehe ?)

Brian

 

[Moochie]

For those who are incontinent, I understand this "blur." But for those, like me, who wet volitionally, I don't experience blurry moments when I am wet, or messy for that matter. If anything, the only blurry moments I have are from the intense emotional and physical sensations when I wet or mess my diaper which may involve a momentary glassy eye gaze as I wet or mess.

[sparklezBear]

Nothing more than a +1 for me. I generally change on a schedule with a nappy designed to go longer than required distance. At change time, rarely does my nappy reflect the how wet I think I am. Sometimes it's a shock if I've had a particularly heavy night or day. Love the blur...

[Hannah YMS]

On 6/30/2022 at 8:36 AM, Enthusi said:

By Jove, he gets it! @DLJeff52 I’m glad you appreciate the significance of the blur. It’s a fundamentally different mentality than most ABDL’s and by proxy, continent people are used to.  

After going 24/7 for 2 years and finding joy in the monotony, I find the blur to be natural at this point.

I don't know at this point where continence ends and incontinence begins.

Seems to be the case for most? 

On 6/30/2022 at 10:22 AM, FretaBWet said:

I'm not sure It's a blur for me but I get the monotony of the diaper change cycle. I really find myself leaking especially at home. I know I'm wet but I have to physically check my diaper to see if I'm needing changed. It's really easy to have leaks when you're trying to get 100% out of your diaper. I do appreciate these posts for just being able to compare other people's experiences.

Hugs,

Freta

Why would you try to get 100% out of your diaper? ? Unless you mean 100% capacity out of it...  

On 6/30/2022 at 11:19 AM, Enthusi said:

(I’m convinced it’s impossible to completely hide from kids if you’re 24/7 and don’t own underwear ), they don’t seem to be aware that adults can wear diapers. So, they don’t realize I’m wearing a diaper, even if my “underwear” is plastic and thick and crinkly and tapes up.  It’s just a matter of time before they’ll put 2 and 2 together.

My daughter is 14. It was impossible for me to hide the fact that I wear diapers. And she's okay with it. Not sure how much she "gets it" or how much she understands, but she's cool with it nonetheless. I make no attempt to hide the fact. In my opinion, just get it over with at an opportune time. Kids are a lot more flexible than we think. If it's normal at an early age then it'll be normal at a later age. The longer you wait the more confusing for them it'll be. OF COURSE you don't you have to say it's for a fetish or for untraining. A simple explanation will suffice and from then on it'll be normalised. For what it's worth, my daughter finds diapers okay on me, but not on her (as her mother tried buying Always pullups for her periods...) In any case, she understands it's just a thing I do, but she doesn't know the "whys" behind it. Better left that way, I think.

[Hannah YMS]

On 6/30/2022 at 6:02 PM, oznl said:

Rapidly closing in on 3.5 years of exclusively peeing in my pants, a certain monotony of nappy use does seem to have taken on a life of its own for the last several months.  This to the point where I thought it would be pertinent for me to respond.  This ambient-sameness has progressed to the point where I’ve found it hard sometimes to think of something to say on my own blog.  Perhaps this is a cue that I should NOT say something as opposed to trying to fill a void with ASCII?

With the retreat of my nappies from all-consuming novelty toward mundane, comfortable, temporal fact I’m noticing (only in retrospect of course) that for longer and longer periods of time, things are running on “automatic” down there.  It’s not incontinence.  I could stop it if I thought to but thoughtlessness has become much easier to slip into.  In a typical day now, I can dimly recall a few “micro-wetting” events (permitted) but by changing time, I’m often micro-surprised about how I got to be as wet as I am.  The timing is right but the total of my sogginess appears to be greater than the sum of the contributory parts.

Many nights merge into wet mornings with no clear insight into what happened.  Maybe I wet in my sleep, maybe I woke.  Does it make any difference?

I’ve noticed for some time also that bladder signals are mostly absent or muted.

So yes, visibility into the mechanics underpinning all of this are definitely becoming blurred.

It’s moving in the direction of breathing.  I am aware of my breathing when I choose to think about it and within parameters, I can pause it if I choose to (for a while), I can force it if I choose to but it can shade-like, melt into invisibility upon distraction.

We’ll have to see how far this goes.

It'll go as far as you take it. Sounds like you're well on your way. If you resign to wearing 24/7 anyway, it won't even matter, as it happens to be for you. It's just normalized at this point for you and anyone one else you care to enlighten about your situation. I stay the course anyway, as I suspect you are and everyone else on this forum is. It's just a matter of fact at this point.  

On 6/30/2022 at 10:31 PM, spark said:

This is something I've noticed about my own journey.   I notice the micro-wettings, but I don't react to them.   My signal is "Oh, I'm going to pee," and then I do.   I guess if wanted to, I could use the toilet, but I don't.

I've also noticed that I'm surprised just how soggy my diaper get, especially when I'm by myself.   Today I was wearing a diaper, and about to head to the gym.  I processed it and decided my diaper was far too wet to go out in public.  In the past i would have metered it, so I could make it back from the gym without a leak, and definitely wouldn't have considered going out with a soggy diaper. (BTW- I didn't.  I changed before heading out.)

I also had an accident at my cousin's house.   I was visiting, and I typically don't wear a diaper if I'm visiting somebody.  It is mostly about the disposal of the used diapers, rather than fear of exposure (although- that is part it).  I use Pull-Ups to provide some security, and as we all know adult pull-ups can absorb dribbles.   I didn't dribble, and my shorts got wet.  Fortunately I was able to discreetly excuse myself and cleanup without being noticed (or if they did notice, they didn't say anything).

@spark, you post frequently on this forum... why aren't you 24/7 around everyone and everything at this point? Just curious.

[cathdiap]

The first few hours after inserting my stent I am fully aware of all the leaks in my diaper. But at the end of the first day I am no longer paying attention to them They simply happen, no matter what I do and that's why I am in diapers. A few days later I completely lose track of when I last changed my diaper and how wet I already am.

Where previously my toilet visits were directed by bladder urgency, diapers do not send such clear signals. So now I need to find out another way to determine whether or not my diaper needs to be changed. This can be a problem because it is hard to tell the difference between wearing a damp diaper and a soaking wet diaper. Pressing the diaper from the outside is almost inevitable.

For me this is what makes incontinence in diapers come with such blurry vibes. You will no longer pay attention to the wettings as they happen all the time, therefore your diaper feels damp or wet almost all the time, but there is that specific but hard to determine moment that your diaper will give in and start leaking.

But hey that's what makes incontinence in diapers so exciting. You will have to act in time to prevent embarrassing situations but it is hard to not get used to being wet all the time. 

[Enthusi]

On 7/16/2022 at 5:20 AM, cathdiap said:

This can be a problem because it is hard to tell the difference between wearing a damp diaper and a soaking wet diaper.

I’m not into catheters / stents, but even so it’s the same for me.  There’s times when I think I’m soaked and my diaper is hardly more than damp, and other times I’m shocked to see how wet I am.  But like you said, that’s what makes it fun!