Incontinence desires and relationships

[cathdiap]

Hi everyone,

In my life I have only been in one relationship. We got married and she gave birth to three wonderful children whom I still love to death. But in this relationship my desire to be incontinent and diaper dependent became so strong that it literally ruined our sex life. I simply preferred wearing diapers over having sex. She knew I was into this even before we got married and when it started to affect our intimacy she even tried to wear diapers and stents as well, hoping it would fix our sexual bonding. Unfortunately it didn’t help. I knew she didn’t like diapers at all, so I felt sort of guilty when she wore them. Long story short, we got divorced. Today I am still convinced that my incontinence desire would ruin every future relationship that I’ld be in, so I don’t even bother to start trying.

How about you? Do your incontinence desires affect your relationship or marital status?

 

[stevewet]

I am incontinent and what's more I truly enjoy being this way and my wife knows I enjoy being dependant on nappies. She doesn't see it as a problem.

[cathdiap]

@stevewet Hi Steve, do you think your wife would have also accepted your desire to wear nappies had you not been incontinent?

[sparklezBear]

I don't currently have a partner, although I've also never shared my desire for (and now current) 24/7.

This is something I have thought about. Currently I feel that my nappies and incontinent desires do impact my prospects in so far as I'm not willing to court anyone not supportive and preferably in the ABDL sphere themselves. The desire is relentless, and I aim to be 24/7 permanently.

[stevewet]

1 hour ago, cathdiap said:

@stevewet Hi Steve, do you think your wife would have also accepted your desire to wear nappies had you not been incontinent?

Honestly I don't know. What I do know is my wetting and nappies don't phase her at all. It wasn't long after I started wearing nappies she realised I was actually enjoying them. All she said was if it helps you cope then where iss the ham.

[triggernum2]

40 minutes ago, stevewet said:

Honestly I don't know. What I do know is my wetting and nappies don't phase her at all. It wasn't long after I started wearing nappies she realised I was actually enjoying them. All she said was if it helps you cope then where iss the ham.

She sounds amazing. ??

[Stroller]

My wife has been very accepting.  We've been together for over 25 years, & she knew about my AB side from very early on.  She's very much vanilla, but also very understanding.  Since the kids went off to college I've been in nappies full-time, and it's working out very well.  She won't change nappies, but she's OK with sharing a bed with me, brings me a bottle of milk every night when she comes up to bed & feeds it to me, & is OK with me in toddler clothes & wandering around in a nappy and plastic pants.  I'm very lucky & I do my best to look after her too.  It wouldn't work otherwise.

[Goerge]

My IC desires are so strong I have never found a sexual relationship desirable. I'm asexual but my fantasy is about double IC.

[Cruiser 03]

I am both bowel & bladder incontinent and was such years before my G/F ever thought about diapers.

A few years ago I became her support and diaper mentor as she became unable to transfer and diaper dependent .

Our relationship has nothing to do with our diapers ,yet we diaper talk an awful lot ,because who better understands the pluses and minuses that diapers bring to life . Our aides have been known to joke "ignore them they are talking shitting on themselves" 

 

[cathdiap]

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

I don't currently have a partner, although I've also never shared my desire for (and now current) 24/7.

This is something I have thought about. Currently I feel that my nappies and incontinent desires do impact my prospects in so far as I'm not willing to court anyone not supportive and preferably in the ABDL sphere themselves. The desire is relentless, and I aim to be 24/7 permanently.

Let’s hope that some day you can check option one of this poll. ?

9 hours ago, Cruiser 03 said:

I am both bowel & bladder incontinent and was such years before my G/F ever thought about diapers.

A few years ago I became her support and diaper mentor as she became unable to transfer and diaper dependent .

Our relationship has nothing to do with our diapers ,yet we diaper talk an awful lot ,because who better understands the pluses and minuses that diapers bring to life . Our aides have been known to joke "ignore them they are talking shitting on themselves" 

 

I am sorry for your troubles, but I am glad you have both managed to deal with it and learned to appreciate diapers.

13 hours ago, Goerge said:

My IC desires are so strong I have never found a sexual relationship desirable. I'm asexual but my fantasy is about double IC.

Same here Goerge, except for double IC that is. I sometimes wonder, did the lack of interest in sex cause my fetish, or did my fetish cause the lack of interest in sex. I still haven’t found out, how about you?

18 hours ago, triggernum2 said:

She sounds amazing. ??

I fully agree!

[cathdiap]

15 hours ago, Stroller said:

My wife has been very accepting.  We've been together for over 25 years, & she knew about my AB side from very early on.  She's very much vanilla, but also very understanding.  Since the kids went off to college I've been in nappies full-time, and it's working out very well.  She won't change nappies, but she's OK with sharing a bed with me, brings me a bottle of milk every night when she comes up to bed & feeds it to me, & is OK with me in toddler clothes & wandering around in a nappy and plastic pants.  I'm very lucky & I do my best to look after her too.  It wouldn't work otherwise.

So for some heaven is a place on earth after all. ??

[bfbs]

I had a wonderful woman by my side. As soon as I met her I fell with the "door"(Diaper) in the house and told about my fetishand we had an open relationship. This woman died because of a mistake in the hospital. :-(
I met another woman who supports me in the same way in my being pee inko. :-)
Both partners are aware that I actually want botox in the bladder sphincter. The open relationship is still our motto in my life. At this time, I have a Sex partner who also accepts my diapers. 
@cathdiap Why didn't you have sex anymore? I dont understand that. You can have sex just like normal if you are inko. You just have to make the bed safe. Thats the problem with Stends. When i have sex with them the stend will flush in the Baldder and it hurts. Not comfortable. So i decided to take the Way with Botox, but Corona and the death of my wife disable this plans.

I'm way too hot to give up sex.

[cathdiap]

1 hour ago, bfbs said:

@cathdiap Why didn't you have sex anymore? I dont understand that.

I am not that hot I guess….  

[nappyboymids]

On 5/17/2021 at 12:35 PM, cathdiap said:

I am not that hot I guess….  

Oh Cathdiap, you sound perfect guy to me - the only trouble is I'm a guy too ?

[Kaliborio]

I'm sorry for what you went through, cathdiap. I hate when our needs tear us apart.

To answer your question — I'm certain my diapers and incontinence are affecting my current relationship prospects. I'm equally certain I don't care.

I went into diapers and let my control disintegrate quite early (wasn't quite 20 by the time my IC diagnoses were entered). I did this partly because the relationships and sex I had before that point made it abundantly, painfully clear to me that any relationship or sexual connection which wasn't accepting to the point of enthusiasm about my diapers and my use of them was not a relationship I could cope with. That wasn't something I chose; I thought I could handle doing things the normal way, but all it made me was emotionally distant, resentful, restricted and detached, and sexually frigid and passionless.

I felt overwhelming heartache and shame about not being able to be normal. The irony is, it turns out I am romantically and sexually pretty normal — but until I dealt with my diapers and my continence, they were standing in front of the entire rest of my sexuality, screaming obscenities at me. When I satisfied them and they subsided, that was when I was finally able to review the whole vista beyond them that I'd never been able to see before.

I don't feel I've been sexless since going into diapers — there are a surprising number of people on FetLife who are okay with or actively interested in a diapered partner. Venues where the member base would be less accepting, such as Tinder, also tend to be venues I just don't find interesting for more than about a day a year.

I also don't feel I've been especially loveless. I've grown increasingly bored with the idea of seeking out romantic or sexual love in an organised way, as something I should have; it's more of a roll of the die. If it happens, it happens, but I'm not going to exhaust my allowance of Tinder matches every day just to say I did. There is a lot of agápe, philía, philautía, and storgé circulating in my life right now; my ability to give and receive non-erotic love has really deepened. I love the person who is essentially my adoptive sister both entirely platonically and much more deeply than I could have imagined loving anyone before all this.

I'm content with my choices. If I don't find my one true love, that's fine; I have many more than one love, and they're all true.

[DiaperboyEddie12]

I have never had a relationship do not sure how to answer this question.  Though I do plan on wearing and using 24/7

[PlstkBakdnghtnday]

On 4/30/2021 at 6:40 AM, sparklezBear said:

I don't currently have a partner, although I've also never shared my desire for (and now current) 24/7.

This is something I have thought about. Currently I feel that my nappies and incontinent desires do impact my prospects in so far as I'm not willing to court anyone not supportive and preferably in the ABDL sphere themselves. The desire is relentless, and I aim to be 24/7 permanently.

Just from that statement I would want a relationship with you. A DL daddy what you're looking for?

[dlnoir]

In general (I think) diapers and being in a relationship is not the best combination to begin with and can cause plenty of issues in vanilla relationships. I know there are quite a few members whom successfully integrated their desire to wear diapers into their relationship and I am very happy for them, but I do consider them a lucky few. Having a desire to be actually incontinent is next level. I think plenty relationships stranded due to the fact one of the spouses loves to wear a diaper. The reason why he or she wants to wear a diaper is of no importance in this case. I think women in general do seek a masculine husband and a man running around in a diaper doesn’t exactly fit the bill.

I used to be married but my incontinence desire put too much strain on her and our relationship so she decided to leave me. In all honesty, although I deeply, deeply regret the decision she made, I can’t really blame her. I would love to have someone in my life again but I know I can’t kick the feelings and desires I have as they are a significant part of me. I have tried it so many times only to see it fail and getting more and more frustrated by each failed attempt. If there would be a pill to take this burden away from me I would take it yesterday but there isn’t. so I guess I have to deal with it and take things as they come.

 

[sparklezBear]

8 hours ago, PlstkBakdnghtnday said:

Just from that statement I would want a relationship with you. A DL daddy what you're looking for?

Thank you for the thought and consideration. I'd make a terrible sub/little. The most I could manage would be a switch. Also, I'm mostly gay, depending. While I can never predict my attraction, it's usually toward vijayjay owners .

[PlstkBakdnghtnday]

2 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Thank you for the thought and consideration. I'd make a terrible sub/little. The most I could manage would be a switch. Also, I'm mostly gay, depending. While I can never predict my attraction, it's usually toward vijayjay owners .

I go both ways so I just look at the person. I feel like it may be more difficult to find someone with a V who's into padding.

[sparklezBear]

1 hour ago, PlstkBakdnghtnday said:

I feel like it may be more difficult to find someone with a V who's into padding.

Oh, it is. It's harder still being in regional Australia with so few people around. At this rate I'll be alone forever unless I pony up and move near a city.

[PlstkBakdnghtnday]

3 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Oh, it is. It's harder still being in regional Australia with so few people around. At this rate I'll be alone forever unless I pony up and move near a city.

I always wanted to move to the country. I hate being around so many people but now that I'm with someone who likes going out and doing things I can't imagine having one bar to go to and maybe one other gay guy in a 50 mile range. Not to mention it probably requires an airline ticket to meet up with another DL or AB

[rusty pins]

14 hours ago, dlnoir said:

In general (I think) diapers and being in a relationship is not the best combination to begin with and can cause plenty of issues in vanilla relationships. I know there are quite a few members whom successfully integrated their desire to wear diapers into their relationship and I am very happy for them, but I do consider them a lucky few. Having a desire to be actually incontinent is next level. I think plenty relationships stranded due to the fact one of the spouses loves to wear a diaper. The reason why he or she wants to wear a diaper is of no importance in this case. I think women in general do seek a masculine husband and a man running around in a diaper doesn’t exactly fit the bill.

I used to be married but my incontinence desire put too much strain on her and our relationship so she decided to leave me. In all honesty, although I deeply, deeply regret the decision she made, I can’t really blame her. I would love to have someone in my life again but I know I can’t kick the feelings and desires I have as they are a significant part of me. I have tried it so many times only to see it fail and getting more and more frustrated by each failed attempt. If there would be a pill to take this burden away from me I would take it yesterday but there isn’t. so I guess I have to deal with it and take things as they come.

 

I have voiced my opinion of this in the past.  If a person is aware their boyfriend/girlfriend has an incontinence issue from the very start, it's their choice to accept it going forwards or end it right there because they can't deal with it.  If you want to hide it from the other person, be prepared to do so for the rest of your relationship as it's not right to spring it on them months or years into it.  If you are not incontinent and are just AB or DL, the same applies.  Either be prepared to hide it for the rest of your life and make sure she never ever finds out or be open about it right from the start so she can back out if she wants.  It's never fair to spring something on another person way into a relationship.

If the other person does tolerate it but is not all that into it, respect that going forwards.  I've read in these forums on this very site how some guys did let their wife know about the diapers and the wife tolerated it, barley.  Then as time goes on, the guy wants to get more and more into diapers to the point he may be wanting them 24/7.  That has caused arguments and problems in the relationship.  True, wife may have been aware all along but only up to a point, which might be when she is not around, only some days and not others, etc.  When you start to change the rules way into a relationship or marriage, it's not fair to the other person if they don't want those changes.  Open discussion and compromise is called for, and when someone you love is involved, you have to be considerate of her feelings, not be selfish and do what you want just to appease your diaper fetish.  You can't blame a woman for leaving when you go against her and do whatever you feel like without coming to an understanding and setting ground rules.  That tells her you care more about your diapers than you do for her.  No wife is going to put up with that.

I agree with dlnoir when he said, "I think women in general do seek a masculine husband and a man running around in a diaper doesn’t exactly fit the bill".  They have to know from the start so they can decide if they want a boyfriend or husband who wears diapers.  They may have this image of a strong hansom provider and protector that they fell in love with and that image may well be shattered when they see their hunky husband wearing diapers and sucking on a pacifier.  Any partnership has to be 50-50.  One person can't decide they will do as they please when the other one objects.  If you can't understand that, perhaps you should stay single.

[glenn63]

I will,be 58 In Dec . I have been 24/7 in diapers since 1987 due to an accident I was in . I have fully recovered in all ways but have no control ,.it brought me to a major low point in life so I started to search and find others like me . I found the abdl world and was intrigued .At heart I am an abdl .I met my current wife on an abdl site .at first she was cool with it all but over the last ten years or so she pays no attention to it ,I buy abdl diapers and she makes comments about what if I was in a car accident or something and the para medics found my cute diapers ( I wear ABU SDK ) I said oh well . so I more or less take care of my self in this part of my life ,.she is so used to me now it isn't anything special to her although the only time she sees my diapers is in bed . I wear only that and socks , during the day I stay covered up and don't flaunt it . All my family and friends know so I don't hide it if by chance they become visible , and no one really cares , they like me for me ,not what I am wearing.

 

 

[Hannah YMS]

47 minutes ago, glenn63 said:

I will,be 58 In Dec . I have been 24/7 in diapers since 1987 due to an accident I was in . I have fully recovered in all ways but have no control ,.it brought me to a major low point in life so I started to search and find others like me . I found the abdl world and was intrigued .At heart I am an abdl .I met my current wife on an abdl site .at first she was cool with it all but over the last ten years or so she pays no attention to it ,I buy abdl diapers and she makes comments about what if I was in a car accident or something and the para medics found my cute diapers ( I wear ABU SDK ) I said oh well . so I more or less take care of my self in this part of my life ,.she is so used to me now it isn't anything special to her although the only time she sees my diapers is in bed . I wear only that and socks , during the day I stay covered up and don't flaunt it . All my family and friends know so I don't hide it if by chance they become visible , and no one really cares , they like me for me ,not what I am wearing.

 

 

So, just to clarify... You met your wife on an ABDL site and for the last 10 years she's not really been into it? ? How does that work?