I told my parents about diapers. Should you tell your parents?

[Ferix]

I recently told my parents and I told them just last week!

I'm 34 and I live a state away from my parents. So my situation is probably not the same situation as yours. But hear me out...

For me, diapers are a necessity. It goes beyond just wearing them and liking how they feel. A part of me feels like I have a form of BIID (you know that disorder where people try to cut off their limb because they believe it's not their own), with emotions similar to those experienced with transgender dysphoria; My soul aches because I have control, and I wish I didn't.

So years ago, when I was 16, my parents found my diapers and established a don't ask don't tell rule. Since then, I have not spoken a word about diapers or anything about my alternative life styles, other than being gay, to my parents.

I've lived with a lot of resentment and hurt that my parents didn't even want to hear or understand why I like diapers and why they are such a big part of my life. I even went as far as hiding any sort of evidence whenever they came to visit or I went to visit them (we hid over 100 bags of diapers on my birthday last year when my parents came up to visit).

I probably would still be in the "diaper drawer" (the ABDL equivalent of "the closet" LGBTs hide in) if it wasn't for quitting my last career as an EMT to pursue diaper crafting. I had to tell my parents because they were worried that I was still working on an ambulance during this corona outbreak, getting exposed and put at risk.

So I told them. It was incredibly hard, but I do not regret it.

I first came out to my grandma as a warm-up. I called her and told her. She was overwhelmingly supportive and she even backed me up saying that it will help my dad with accepting I wear diapers knowing that she knows I wear diapers and thinks it's okay.

I waited a week until I called my parents. It was surreal, I felt like someone else was talking when I told them "I quit my job and I am crafting adult cloth diapers." My dad was mostly silent at first and he sounded uncomfortable when he did speak. I told him how I've been wearing all the time and all these years since he first found them and that diapers are a huge part of my life: it's how I met my husband, all of my friends are into it, and my life basically revolves around diapers. He approved... he was more happy that I was able to make a living off of diapers but I sense there's a part of him that would still be okay if I hadn't have told him; to him, diapers are like a vibrator or a sex toy, he even said something to that affect.

After I told my dad, I told my mom. She was 100% supportive and even joked about getting my dad one of the cloth diapers that I make. She even asked that I bring one of my cloth diapers down the next time I'm able to go down to visit. Doing either of those seems so weird!

After the phone call, I wasn't too sure how my dad was feeling about all that I told him. I cried a ton over the next couple days as I was going through an emotional roller coaster. It was mostly positive emotions and a sense of relief, like the heaviest weigh possible was just lifted off of me. I also felt a lot of hurt too whenever I thought back about all the times I had to hide myself around them.

I got a text message from my aunt a couple days after saying my dad told her about the diapers and she was super supportive! She asked if she could share with her kids. I said sure, and her kids, both around my age, were totally supportive too! One of my cousins even said they would work for me and help craft diapers if they didn't live so far away! x3

Over the past week I've had a few more chats with my dad and he's slowly warming up to diapers more and more. I don't know what his true thoughts are on them but he still comes across like they are a sex toy and to be kept hidden, but he's been supportive and has even offered to help with my business.

Look, it's an insanely scary and vulnerable situation to tell your parents about your diapers. Only you can make the judgement call as to when it's the right time. I wished I told my family sooner. I have been hiding my true self from them, and my whole extended family, for almost 2 decades... actually, it's been my whole life. I feel like I missed out on decades worth of support and I've been on my own for this whole time; parents should be the ones who give unconditional support and they should be happy that you are not afraid to be yourself.

Consider: If diapers mean a lot to you like the do to me, then maybe you need to tell your parents about them. I have several friend who have told their parents and--all--of them have had supportive parents and positive reactions. Several of them I've heard get diapers or money specifically for diapers and ABDL gear as gifts from their parents! It's crazy to think that that could be a gift option for me from now on.

If they are decent human beings and loving parents, then your parents want you to be happy and yourself. If you don't tell them now, when will you tell them? I always thought things like, "what if they are disgusted" or, "they may never talk to me again." That just didn't happen.

In a way, coming out wearing diapers seems a lot like when I came out gay; my parents are realizing that I have not changed at all and I am still the same person I've always been, just now they know I have been wearing diapers this whole time too.

I do want to point out that I would never use me coming out to my parents about diapers as an excuse to wear openly around them. No. I'm never gonna flaunt my diapers or make them obvious, but I'm also not going to worry anymore about how to discreetly hide my diapers in my home or how I pack them with me when I visit.

If you're considering coming out to your parents about the diapers, try coming out to someone else that you are close with first. You can use the experience to practice and to prepare yourself for some of the emotions you're going to experience when you tell your parents. My husband told his childhood friend that he lived with for a few years about diapers at the same time I told my grandma, then he told his mom a couple days after I told my parents. At the very least, telling someone other than your parents can really test yourself to see if you want to truly be out to your parents.

I think you should tell your parents, or at the very least consider it.

[Apache Raccoon]

Well if telling your parents works for you then more power to you.

It’s probably not advisable for everyone to assume telling your parents is a good idea though, especially if it’s just a fetish.

I told my mother when I was a teen and that didn’t end well, and in hindsight I don’t see that as a bad thing.

I don’t want approval or disapproval, I love my parents and my sister and all but this side of me is private and I don’t need or want them involved in it.

[mamabug]

I will never tell my parents or anyone who isn't my partner.

They don't need nor want to know what I do in the bedroom. I know I don't need or want to know what someone does in their private time. (even if it's not a sexual fetish.) 

I know it's case by case and some situations are different. 

But for 90% of people they don't need to be telling anyone besides their partner. 

For me it's weird to even think of telling anyone else, since for most people, it is a somewhat sexual fetish. 

[Ferix]

13 minutes ago, Apache Raccoon said:

Well if telling your parents works for you then more power to you.

It’s probably not advisable for everyone to assume telling your parents is a good idea though, especially if it’s just a fetish.

I told my mother when I was a teen and that didn’t end well, and in hindsight I don’t see that as a bad thing.

I don’t want approval or disapproval, I love my parents and my sister and all but this side of me is private and I don’t need or want them involved in it.

Everyone should consider their own circumstances and relationship with your parents. I agree that if this is a sexual fetish and you wear diapers for sexual pleasure, then maybe hold off on telling your parents. That's not the message I was conveying.

If diapers mean more than just a fetish to you like it does to me, then maybe you should consider telling your parents.

[rileyroo]

I told my mother a couple of years ago.  I've been wearing diapers 24/7 for only about a year at that time (l'm now over 3 1/2 years of wearing 24/7.)  We were flying to visit her in another state and I was trying to figure out how get enough diapers for visit.  I finally decided to just order a couple of packs of diapers and have the sent to her home.  I called her up to let her know the package was coming.   Over the phone, I just told her straight out that I had a weird habit.   I like wearing diapers and I was wearing diapers full time and didn't have enough room in my luggage to bring them.  I told her we would talk about it more during our visit.  She wasn't freaked out by it at all.   

During our visit I talked to her about my diaper wearing.   I told her how  I've had the desire to wear diapers since I was a young child probably since around the age for 4 or 5. .  How I would sneak diapers and wear them through our my childhood and teen years.   She said that she had no idea that I was wearing during those years.

Over all it was a nice and positive experience.  The worst part is my Mom is elderly, has some dementia issues  and probably won't have remember the conversation we had and I'll have to repeat the whole thing again.   I've have also told my grown children and they have no issues with my diaper wearing.

 

Hey Ferix,   I love the diapers that you are making.  I've been thinking about getting one.   Also I've notice from some of your other social media sites that we live in the same town.  Maybe after all this coronavirus stuff is over we can meet.

 

[spark]

I see no reason to tell my dad.   He wouldn't want to know and doesn't need to know.   I'm 50 years old, and he doesn't need to know that I feel more comfortable in a diaper.

[Ferix]

@rileyroo, it's awesome you had a positive experience with your mom. Even though she may not remember about the diapers later, you had the courage to tell her and she accepted you for who you are.

Also, I'm always up for meeting and hanging out, once quarantine is over of course 

@spark, that's totally cool you aren't telling your dad. I think age is a factor to consider when telling your dad. I feel like the older generations don't see the subcultures the same way younger generation do; There's definitely a gap in understanding with diapers that they won't understand or be able to wrap their head around. 

[oznl]

For me, my 24/7 use of nappies is neither fetish nor incontinence (well, the “incontinence” angle may be slowly changing) but rather some bizarre emotional security wiring fault.  If you’d have asked me 20 years ago, I would have told you it was a fetish but time has taught me it’s a lot more than that.

I’m glad that you were able to get this out “on the table” as it were since this was clearly important to you.

For most folk, my counsel would be to tread warily with this: especially if your parents are elderly.

For my part, as a parent of children who are now young adults, I would simply not want to know (and I'm Gen-X!).  I mean, I REALLY don’t want to know ANY aspect of what might be considered their sex lives and I’d probably back away/shut down any conversation they might launch on that topic.  I guess other parents might be different.  Thanks to the ongoing lectures from my dearly beloved it is only now that I’m starting to realise that I may be abnormal and broken in some ways.

My parents are old-school and VERY hard-line religious.  In the inconceivable mind-meltdown that would be required for me to even attempt to engage them on this topic, I would likely be instantly condemned (again) for inviting Satan into my life to ruin their lives and our limited and conditional relationship would be yet again consigned back to no relationship at all with my own kid’s relationship with their only grandparents as collateral damage.  There would be no winners.

They don’t have many years left and my intent is to allow that clock to run down.  I very rarely see them and with COVID-19 lockdowns, I can’t see them at all.  It sounds harsh but I think it’s the best for all players.  Sadly, we will never be close.

[repetitivediaperwetter88]

Me? the answer is simple...

 

 

[Rob110]

 All my family and close friends know I need to wear diapers for my OAB issue I told them years ago when I first started to wear 24/7 it made the transition so much easier since I no longer needed to hide the fact I was dealing with a bladder issue. 

 

 

[AbabeBill]

Ferix, I think it’s great you got it out there, and things seem to have gone pretty well. I kinda liken it to, a personal feather in your cap. It was something very personal to you, and something you had to get past. In your case, and for you, it does seem to be something that needed to be said. A lot of us seem to agree, everyone’s situation is different, and telling parents, or others is not the corse to take. It is just one of those things, that is a hard call to make, do you, or don’t you? Most times, I say error of caution’s side, don’t bring it up. There are times, it is better to talk about it, especially if it’s medical needs. These days, I’m adding more weight to the emotional need, but we do have to be very cautious, about everyone involved emotions too. You don’t want to dump your baggage on a loved one, who maybe can’t handle that in the first place. 
I myself, wish I could. There is a therapeutic aspect in being able to. I would love to be able to talk to my mom about it. She is up there in years now, so the window of any such opportunity is closing. That weighs heavy on me, but I still don’t think it would work out well for me, in my situation. I love my mom, and I trust her for many things, and I think I know her pretty good. But if I were to tell her, one of the things I sadly couldn’t be sure of, is for her to keep it in confidence. I can’t be sure, it wouldn’t end up going out to other family members, (on a bad QT) and that is something I don’t want, or need. My mom is terrible, at the game of telephone too. No telling, how she would relate the facts, to the next person ?‍♂️ So for me, it’s probably best, unfortunately for me, to not bring it up. I’m ok with that, I can live with it, I have since I was maybe 4 years old. 
I hope for you, you have continued success, both with your family, and your diaper business. I laughed a bit, when you related, that your mom wants you to bring one of your own made diapers with you, on your next visit. It seems the oddest thing, to be bringing to your family, for an approving examination. ? Well, maybe not? If you did make actual sex toys, and they wanted a sample of your work??? Lol! “Hey daddy, look at the beautiful, big ole dildo, your son made, and brought for us to see! What beautiful workmanship”. Lol. 
Maybe, you could let us know, when you return from your next visit, what they thought of your diaper? I for one, would love to hear their reviews. Also, if they had any advice to you? ?

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

@Ferix

Congratulations it sounds like your situation is pretty good.  I'm just curious since you mentioned your husband, are you gay?  Just asking since that might have been something your parents already worked through.  

I would love to talk to my Mom about it, definitely not my Dad.  I honestly wish my wife was more on board with them so I could just have someone to share it with, but she's just baffled and it makes her uncomfortable.  

Years ago my wife brought up and talked about one of her aunts that wore diapers because of a medical condition and she was in her 40s.  She explained that she chose diapers over a catheter.  She said everyone knew and no one cared.  So in your case if you can claim an actual medical condition then I think it would be much easier to share.  

I know exactly what you mean by BIID.  The first time I saw a documentary about it I was like, yeap, that's me with diapers.  Except for luckily for me it comes and goes and it's never strong enough to completely over ride my executive functioning... for the most part LOL.  

[Ferix]

@AbabeBill, I do feel like my situation was appropriate to tell my parents and it was definitely something I needed to do. I'm glad it went well and I hope everything continues to go well, with my family and with my business! That is sad that you aren't able to tell your mom but I can understand why. I have a great grandma that's 104 my grandpa is in his early 80s, both would not understand at all. It's okay, it would be awkward, if not worse, if I told them about diapers so they don't need to know.

 

Interesting tidbit that you knew about diapers at 4. I knew at that age too, I even asked my mom if she could keep me in diapers back then and she said no!

 

I'm really curious how they will react when they see my diapers too! I'll be sure to share that experience with y'all.

 

@Sarah_Hillcrest, yep, I'm gay. That definitely was a factor with my parents and they did work that out years ago when I came out as gay.

 

It did not go well when I came out to them as gay. I was 18 at the time and living in their house. My dad was appalled. My dad kicked me out the day I came out and it one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with. I basically grabbed as much as I could, loaded up my car, and left within like 30 minutes of telling him. Months later he called me at 3 am to tell me how sorry he was and he wanted me to come back. They long ago got over me being gay and they actually really love my husband... not as much as I do though

 

My biggest fear with coming out about diapers with my parents was reliving a similar reaction to when I came out to them as gay. Fortunately, that didn't happen.

 

BIID is profound and undeniable within me. I realized throughout my life, my desires for diapers only grew stronger and that these desires would never go away. It was more than just wearing them though, I realized I needed to be in them. I realized that diapers were a means for me to be myself; by wearing diapers, I could act and live as if I had no control. BIID is so strong, I started wearing 24/7 with toilet untraining, and I've been using stents on occasion to simulate incontinence when the BIID feelings get overwhelming. I'd even go for permanent surgery if I could (hopefully someday). 

 

I haven't had the chance to tell them about the BIID aspect, maybe someday, maybe never. So far conversations have been mostly superficial.

 

 

[DL-Boy]

2 hours ago, Ferix said:

I'd even go for permanent surgery if I could (hopefully someday). 

There is a surgical, "semi-permanent" but reversible implant (Memokath) that is available if you can get a Uro to install it in your sphincter.  It's made of Nitinol (Nickel Titanium memory metal) and it expands when heated above body temperature (to lock it into place) and softens and can be uncoiled when chilled with cold saline so it can be removed easily.

https://newmobility.com/2009/02/urethral-surgeries/

 

[Ferix]

2 hours ago, DL-Boy said:

There is a surgical, "semi-permanent" but reversible implant (Memokath) that is available if you can get a Uro to install it in your sphincter.  It's made of Nitinol (Nickel Titanium memory metal) and it expands when heated above body temperature (to lock it into place) and softens and can be uncoiled when chilled with cold saline so it can be removed easily.

https://newmobility.com/2009/02/urethral-surgeries/

 

Because of my exposure with my business, I recently got a lead on the surgical option that is within driving distance to me. I can definitely consider the memokath as well if I find getting surgery is out of the question. I'm stuck for the moment: Who knows when I will be able to get into a urologist because of the Corona virus. Thanks for the idea!

[Dubious]

I would only tell if I had a proper medical reason for wearing

Diapers helps against stress and I don't need to take "happy-pills" so in a way its medical 

[DL-Boy]

In 1995 when I went through my first wave of ABDL, my wife "outed" me to my mother.  I've never understood her motivation for doing so, whether it was spite, seeking support against the idea, looking for answers in understanding it, etc.  Whatever her motivation for bringing the subject to my mother, my mother didn't take it quite as she had expected...  To her surprise, my mother told her it didn't surprise her one bit and she thought it might have been due to the divorce between her and my father when I wasn't quite 6 years old some 29 years earlier.

She explained that I was their first child and when they divorced, I had two younger sisters and my mom was about to give birth to my little brother and in my mind I was now the "Man of the house" and had the responsibility to protect and watch over my younger siblings.  She said it was at that time that I stopped being the child that I should have been because of my perceived responsibility for my family.  In 1995 when their discussion took place, I was trying to recapture emotionally, some of the childhood that I denied myself.

That being said, I never told my mother but my wife did.  My mother took it logically and analytically and very understandingly and was cool with it even down to the teddy bears, bottles and pacifiers that I was into.

[oznl]

8 hours ago, DL-Boy said:

In 1995 when I went through my first wave of ABDL, my wife "outed" me to my mother.  I've never understood her motivation for doing so, whether it was spite, seeking support against the idea, looking for answers in understanding it, etc.  Whatever her motivation for bringing the subject to my mother, my mother didn't take it quite as she had expected...  To her surprise, my mother told her it didn't surprise her one bit and she thought it might have been due to the divorce between her and my father when I wasn't quite 6 years old some 29 years earlier.

She explained that I was their first child and when they divorced, I had two younger sisters and my mom was about to give birth to my little brother and in my mind I was now the "Man of the house" and had the responsibility to protect and watch over my younger siblings.  She said it was at that time that I stopped being the child that I should have been because of my perceived responsibility for my family.  In 1995 when their discussion took place, I was trying to recapture emotionally, some of the childhood that I denied myself.

That being said, I never told my mother but my wife did.  My mother took it logically and analytically and very understandingly and was cool with it even down to the teddy bears, bottles and pacifiers that I was into.

That's an interesting story.  Have you written it?  The early withdrawal of normal "kid privileges" has some parallels with my own upbringing although mine were driven through some less-than-stellar mothering skills (only visible in retrospect).

As for your wife "outing" you to your mother, I'd regard that as a probably-unforgivable marital betrayal.  My gut hunch would be that she was looking for a posse.  I cannot fathom circumstances where I would do the same to my own partner (if ONLY she had some non-vanilla quirk that would be even viable for such a misdeed)!

[DL-Boy]

45 minutes ago, oznl said:

That's an interesting story.  Have you written it?  The early withdrawal of normal "kid privileges" has some parallels with my own upbringing although mine were driven through some less-than-stellar mothering skills (only visible in retrospect).

As for your wife "outing" you to your mother, I'd regard that as a probably-unforgivable marital betrayal.  My gut hunch would be that she was looking for a posse.  I cannot fathom circumstances where I would do the same to my own partner (if ONLY she had some non-vanilla quirk that would be even viable for such a misdeed)!

By "written", are you referring to writing a story in the other sections here?  If so, no I have not done any writing, whether it be fiction nor non-fiction.  I think the last official story I wrote was for one of my high school classes and even the subject has been lost to time. (My high school years were 1975-1979 so just over 40 years ago).  I never liked essay projects as I could never get into the swing of putting the thoughts down on paper.  Even now, it takes numerous rewrites just to post something like the story above and then I sometimes submit and then realize I have mistakes all over the place or I decided a better way to word something.  Thankfully there's a decent editor in this website.  This is quite a difference from the non-existent editing capabilities for follow up posts in the FetLife website.  Your choice is to accept what you wrote or delete it.  There's no edit function unless you're the subject thread's author.

As to my wife's motives, when I read the above story to her after I wrote it today, she said that it was done in an attempt to understand my sudden dive into "all things baby" since she was confused and concerned over what it might mean.  Of course having done so 25 years ago and the fact that she's 63 now instead of 38, her motivations may have also been lost to time.

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

@DL-Boy

So this was a long running battle between my wife and me.  I'd indulge in infantile things, get caught by my wife, she'd freak out and I'd completely freeze up.  I would deny I was wearing diapers while wearing a diaper.  She would threaten to tell my parents so many times, she almost did a few times, but she never did.  

[JamieJamie]

On 4/19/2020 at 11:05 PM, repetitivediaperwetter88 said:

Me? the answer is simple...

 

 

Funny you posted this video.  The girl, Carmen, wears diaper because she is a bedwetter. (in the movie). Juni was mocking her for wearing diapers.

[Newbee]

I absolutely don’t plan on ever telling my parents or anyone in my family that I wear diapers. The only family member that knows is my husband, and outside of my family my two best friends know I have known them longer than my hubby and they are very supportive and they don’t make an issue of it.

[BaronBrook]

I've told anyone in my life who is likely to discover it on their own. Parents before visiting, friends before a road trip, kinky folks before dates, etc.

I figure it's better to have a discussion in circumstances I control.

Most people don't attach as much meaning to diapers as we do. It's just odd underwear.

I'm not medically incontinent, just someone who'd rather wear as he wants. 

[rosalie.bent]

since ABDL is a private thing, there needs to be a demonstrable reason for telling ANYONE about it at all. If parents need to know, that is fine, but otherwise they shouldnt.

[NewGuy20]

I agree with Rosalie.Bent. There needs to be a demonstrable reason for divulging this information to anyone. For most of us this is, after all, a very private and intimate part of ourselves. 

Imagine someone saying: "Mom and dad, I need to tell you something. I am sexually aroused by the idea of dominant women wearing high heels and black leather whipping me and verbally humiliating me. Just wanted you to know." 

What the hell is the point of divulging that information? Your parents do not NEED to know anything about your private sexual desires/inclinations. On the other hand, if a person is gay, divulging that to parents/family/friends is vitally important. Otherwise, a gay person would be forced to hide the fact that they were in a relationship. They would have to conceal the very existence of the person that they loved, lived with, and spent most of their time with. Such a charade would be extremely elaborate and very stressful to maintain. Thus, it makes sense to "come out of the closet". On a side note, this was also a reason why the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military needed to be repealed. But that still doesn't mean you have to reveal the details of your sex life to your parents. 

Ferix makes the point that crafting diapers is a business and he left his former job to focus on crafting the diapers. So this is a circumstance where it makes more sense to divulge the information. 

My ABDL side is also a source of income for me. I write ABDL ebooks on Amazon Kindle. Its very helpful to be able to work from home and make some meager amount of money, especially now with the Coronavirus! However, this doesn't mean I felt compelled to "come out" to my parents. I am still very discreet. I have told them I write ebooks and naturally they asked about what genre my fictional works are set within. I told them I write "romance" novels. In some ways, this is true. In other ways, it is disingenuous. But my ABDL side is a very private, intimate part of who I am as a person. There is no reason the whole world needs to know about it. 

We live in a day and age where "coming out" of any closet is praised as courageous and brave. And indeed, there are lots of people that needed to muster some measure of bravery to tell their family about who they were. Its not reasonable to ask someone to conceal marriages/intimate relationships for fear that their family will not accept them. That being said, I don't think we spend enough time trying to empathize with the family in these situations. It is a fact that human beings lose brain plasticity as we grow older. This makes it much more difficult to learn new skills and integrate new ideas into our worldview. Even when learning new skills or ideas are vitally important to older people's well being, it can be incredibly difficult for them!

Sure, prejudices like homophobia for instance are wrong - but imagine being raised in a world where homophobia was taught and affirmed constantly in every facet of your life. Then, suddenly, a lifetime of conditioning needs to be cast aside in a single day - and your failure to do so means that you'll be branded an evil, bigoted monster! Homophobia is immoral and hateful. But I must say that I have some sympathy for homophobic people. They are struggling to accept new ideas in the face of a rapidly changing world and culture. The state of LGBT rights has changed drastically within the past two decades. Within the course of just 10 years, we went from Democratic candidates like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton saying that marriage should only be between a man and a woman... to the U.S. Supreme Court declaring gay marriage would be the law nationwide! This is a breathtaking pace. Is it really so shocking that there are people in this country struggling to keep up with it? Is it really so terrible that there are older people in the twilight of their lives feeling conflicted, confused, or uncomfortable with drastic cultural changes taking place all around them? If we want other people to love and accept us, flawed as we might be, then perhaps we should make an effort to love and accept other people too. (Even if they are wrong in their beliefs.) 

So if diapers and ABDL lifestyles play a major role in your life outside the bedroom, yes, maybe you need to consider the possibility of telling some of your family members about it. But I would suggest a cautious approach. Think long and hard about whether your mother and father really need to know all the details about your preference of underwear... and realize that revealing it to them might make them uncomfortable.