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This is a sample of an ongoing story I am writing for my Patreon subscribers. Only $10 and you will be able to get access to all the stories I write. If you are interested in subscribing, copy and paste this: patreon.com/thatdaddyfellow __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Is my little girl excited for her visit to the doctor?” Mommy said as she looked back at my in the rear view mirror. “Yeah, super excited” I told her, the sarcasm practically dripping off of my words as the came out of my mouth. “Is my baby being sassy?” She looked back at me in the mirror with one eyebrow up. I immediately know that she meant business. All I could see was her dirt brown hair tied into a ponytail, her right eye, and that eyebrow positioned in the last place it want it to be. “Of course not mommy. It’s just...who really LIKES going to the doctor?” “When I was a kid, I did” mommy told me with that matter of fact tone in her voice. “In fact, I remember a time when I was around 7. I wanted to go to the doctor’s office so badly I took a red marker and drew red dots all over myself. I wanted my mom to think I had chicken pox so she would take me to see doctor Shelly. I think I liked it so much because she was such a nice lady and I felt special every time I went there. Either that or the lollipop at the end” she said with a small laugh. As we took a left, a smile emerged on her face as she saw the front of the building. “Look sweetie, we’re here” she told me in a sing song voice as she pulled into the parking lot. As I got a look at the building, it just looked like any normal store she would see on any road in any city in America. All I knew is that mommy paid a lot of money to get this “special” visit to the doctor to happen. She had to actually buy the building as well as all the stuff inside. I thought she was crazy when she told me a couple weeks ago, but she told me it was going to be used more than just a doctor’s office. She even added in a wink to make me wonder even more. When you are a lawyer, however, you are able to spend money on stuff like that. Include my big girl job of a veterinarian and we live pretty comfortably. The rear driver’s side door opening up brought me back to the present. Mommy showed me a huge smile, no doubt very excited to show her little one all the work she had put in just for her. “Are you ready to go princess? If you want to, you can take Charlie with” my lovely girlfriend told me as she unbuckled me and helped me out of the sedan. Of course I was going to take Charlie with me, what kind of a question was that? I took him with me everywhere I went. The teddy bear’s soft fur was something that calmed me down regardless of the situation. Everything from cuddling with him during playtime to having to deal with the mean owner of one of her patients, I knew that Charlie would be there to comfort me. As they walked up the concrete walkway towards the front door, mommy’s hand in my right hand and Charlie bear in my right, I was glad I picked a short sleeve shirt on such a warm day. To be fair, it was a short sleeve onesie, but only me and mommy knew that. No patterns or anything, just a light pink color. I wasn’t sure where this place was located, so I wanted to make sure that I was a low key as possible with my little side. The onesie was tucked into a pair of tight blue jeans. I often went for a pair of sweatpants when wearing a onesie, but I know mommy loved the way my butt looked in these jeans and I wanted to make her happy. She did something nice for me, so I was going to do something nice for her. Once we reached the door, she smiled down at me. She was naturally 3 inches taller than me, never mind the heels she was currently wearing. They looked amazing combined with the black dress she was sporting. “She looks like she is ready for night at the oprah as opposed to taking her baby girl to a doctor’s appointment” I thought. She did’ however, look sexy as hell. Once we got home, I was going to rip the dress off… “Are you ready baby?” She asked, more of a rhetorical question then anything, as she opened the door to building. Mommy knew I was still a little apprehensive, so she want in first and let me follow. Once I got a view of the inside, I was blown away: I looked exactly like the waiting room of a real doctor’s office. Chairs lined the white walls. There was even toys on the floor for the little ones to play with as they waited. The last thing I saw was the front desk, completely with a very beautiful women in her mid 20s smiling back at us. “Welcome” she announced with a syrupy sweet tone as we walked up to the desk. “How are you doing today?” she asked mommy, almost ignoring me. I looked at the name tag she was wearing. Kayla. What a pretty name. “We are doing great. We are here for out appointment” Mommy answered her with almost the same tone that made my little side go wild. All I wanted to do was cuddle Charlie to calm me down. “Ok. You must be Kelsey Anderson” Kayla said, flashing a big smile at mommy. She nodded back at the lady. I couldn’t remember the last time I was allowed to call mommy Kelsey. When we were at home, it was only mommy. Any mention of her real name would end in a spanking. I learned pretty quickly it was mommy or nothing at all.

I'm trying something out, an anthology of short stories where we join our protagonist after the events that would have been the larger story. These are probably just going to be scenes and nothing too fancy. I figured Halloween might be a good place to start since magic and witches or whatever, but I don't plan on that being a common thing, so if you're anti magic maybe the next one will be better for you. I really just kind of like the idea of joining characters already in or done with whatever main event had happened and seeing what their lives are like afterward. Maybe it's a dumb idea or maybe it's a great idea, I dunno but I got the urge to write something and I did. The Next Day: Tricked and Treated The familiar pounding in my head signaling excessive consumption of alcohol woke me up, well, it brought me around to consciousness at least. I opened my eyes slowly, my lids resisting like old rusted out garage doors pleading loudly with their mechanical screeching against the disruption of their infinite slumber. The world blurred and tilted as my newly regained sight struggled to recalibrate itself after the previous night's events. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the party from the night before, the images fluttering through my mind enshrouded in a thick haze to the point that the only thing that stood out was my girlfriend. I remembered her hovering around me the whole night, being a part of everything I was doing despite our normal routine of separating and having our own fun, meeting periodically throughout the night to touch base and then coming together at the end of the night to leave. The whole thing allowed us to experience the same party completely differently and have things to share with one another that weren't already known. Thinking on our normal routine and the breaking from it for the prior night caused me to remember an argument we'd had, no, it wasn't an argument, I didn't say anything to her, it was more of a lecture, but I couldn't remember the reason for it. I could remember standing in front of her and she was talking to me, yelling at me? We weren't in the main room with everyone else, we were somewhere else, a room that was quieter, I remembered the music being muffled through the door behind me and remembered being thankful that no one outside that door could hear us, but why did I care so much that someone overheard us fighting? My vision finally came into focus and the room had found a stable axis to rest on and I sat up slowly, rubbing my throbbing temple as I propped myself up with my other hand. I sighed and worried about my vision again as the sight of pink flooded my field of view. I wasn't seeing pink elephants though, I was seeing pink everything else, bedding, walls, carpet, my shirt, everything had been drowned in Pepto and it did little to help my aching head. I sighed as I had to assume that I'd found a child's bedroom to crash in at the party and for whatever reason had changed shirts with someone, my skeleton bone bodysuit was obviously nowhere to be found amid the torrent of little girl decoration. I threw the princess sheets off myself and saw more pink in the form of the bottom of my shirt held together with buttons and stretched tightly over a massive bulge with pink plasticky material peeking out either side of the shirt. A tentative poke confirmed that I was indeed wearing a diaper, and the feeling of it led me to believe that it was less than pristine beneath the surface. The argument, or lecture, began to clear up in my mind. I remember standing in front of my girlfriend, looking down at my feet and feeling very ashamed and very sorry. She was chiding me for embarrassing her, my skeleton bodysuit in her hand, shaking at me as she yelled. I remembered seeing my underwear and the large wet spot on the front of it and then I remembered that I'd wet myself waiting outside the bathroom. She'd come from nowhere almost as soon as I'd started peeing and dragged me into the bathroom that I thought had been occupied, hence the waiting, like I was an overgrown toddler. A warmth down below brought me back to the present and I realized I was wetting the diaper I was currently wearing, no feeling other than the warm tickle on my sensitive flesh, which was followed by the sight of streams of yellow liquid coming out from beneath me, soaking into the sheet and pooling where I sat. Freaked out, I shot up from the bed, my knee banging on the short rail on the side, sending me tumbling to the floor face first. Everything was white for a brief second, and as I pushed myself up from my stomach I saw the door to my left open and as I got up onto my hands and knees I saw my girlfriend standing in the doorway with a look of concern on her face. "Baby, did you fall out of bed again? Mommy really should put you back in a proper crib, shouldn't she?" she asked rhetorically, talking to me as if I were too little to comprehend what she was saying to me. The memory of her going from being called "girlfriend" to being called "Mommy" flashed into my brain. She had thrown the skeleton bodysuit into the corner and had removed my underwear and the tub was running. I remembered thinking it was strange that she wanted me to take a bath in a house that wasn't ours while people had a party downstairs, but she was so disappointed in me for having an accident that I didn't argue with her. I remembered that fear shifting from her breaking up with me to her spanking me and then my thumb was coming up to my face, entering my mouth as I fought back tears. She was kneeling next to me now, I was still on all fours, my mind not concerning itself with standing up at the moment, but working on something else entirely. I could hear myself grunting, my hands clutching the carpet as I bore down and pushed. Her hand was stroking the top of my head and moving down the length of my body, stopping on my padded rear as she gently patted the crinkly garment beneath my button connected shirt. "Oh, is Mommy's little girl making a special present in her diaper?" she asked in a singsongy voice. I remembered her helping me out of the tub and wrapping a big, fluffy towel around me as she hugged me. The warmth of that embrace continued to calm me as the bath had, and I felt safe and loved as she dried me off and took my hand to lead me out of the bathroom, my concern about my nudity forgotten as I walked behind her with my thumb once again in my mouth. She picked up a diaper bag that was next to the bathroom door, one I hadn't remembered seeing before, and dug into it, producing a pacifier that she replaced for my thumb, continuing to lead me by the hand down the stairs to the party. I remember the people in the room moving back from us as we entered, clearing a path for us as we went to the center of the large living room and she set to pulling items from the diaper bag, the first being a pink plastic changing mat that she laid out on the floor and guided me down onto my back in the center of it. I looked up at the surrounding crowd of faces and sucked nervously on my pacifier as Mommy set to the task of getting me into my diaper so we could go home. Phones were held up and flashes went off as I was powdered and taped into a thick pink diaper with little princesses on the outside of it before I was sat up and a pink onesie was pulled over my head and unfurled down my body to be stretched over the diaper and snapped shut. "Alright, everyone, now that my little girl is dressed for bed we'll be off. Wave bye bye to everyone, sweetie." she insisted. I was noisily sucking on my pacifier and waving passively, a warm tickle in my diaper making me feel calmer and more sleepy that I had been a moment prior. By the time I was strapped into the carseat in the backseat of the car and we were at the end of the block I was so close to sleep that Mommy's words didn't even make sense to me. My task completed, my body was able to focus on moving again, but instead of standing up, I pressed my bottom against her hand and she followed me down as I sat onto it and the newly deposited contents of my diaper spread across my bottom. I smiled dumbly at her, drool running down my chin as I moved my butt forward and back slowly on her hand. "There we go." she cooed. "I was wondering when everything was finally going to hit you." she said, her doting, sweet tone replaced by a normal speaking voice. "I was worried I hadn't done the spell right when I saw your confused look when I walked in here." she told me. I was struggling to understand her, but that concern was superseded by the growling of my now empty stomach and I whimpered and started to cry as I pawed feebly at her now ample chest tucked away beneath her shirt. "I know," she said, "Mommy will give you a nice full tummy in a second, but before you're totally gone, I want you to know that all of this is for you." she told me. "I found your box of, I guess they were drafts of suicide notes, I couldn't stand reading more than one because of how badly they made me hurt for you." she explained, her eyes brimming with tears. "I've known for a while about your baby side, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want you to feel guilty or ashamed and I figured that once you felt comfortable enough in our relationship that you'd talk to me about it and we'd try some things and have some fun, but you didn't and I got worried because I knew you were keeping a big part of yourself from me and I couldn't understand why." She was crying in earnest now, and her hand had come out from beneath my bottom and she was hugging me to her and I was crying because she was crying and also because I was hungry and that equal partnership was beginning to become less and less equal as the more instant gratification centric baby side of me took over more and more of my thoughts. "I did this to you to save you from doing something terrible to yourself and to me. I didn't feel confident that you could keep yourself safe so I took that worry from you and now you'll be my happy baby forever and ever." she told me, her tone returning slowly to that soft motherly one she'd started with. "Now," she began as she removed her top and undid the clasps on her nursing bra, guiding me backward into the crook of her arm as she held her nipple to my lips, "be a good baby and drink all your milk and then we'll take care of that yucky diaper." she lovingly commanded. I latched on and looked up at her smiling down on me as I began to nurse, the warm, sweet liquid hitting my tongue and rolling down my throat as the world began to close in and become a warm, fuzzy cocoon of love and calm. My life was complete, and it would be forever onward.

I waddled slowly towards the door, my thick wet nappy was not the only reason I was dawdling, my heart was beating so fast. Whilst I had been seen wearing just a nappy by the focus group women, that was within the almost safe confines of a closed off room. Now I was going to be parading in a hotel lobby, where every person there would see me in my baby apparel. Amanda could sense my worry and feel my reluctance as I dragged my feet. “Don’t worry cutie, no one is going to be paying too much attention to you” I gave Amanda a half smile. “Come on, the sooner we get out of here the sooner we get to our room” It suddenly registered that I would be spending the night in the same room with these two beautiful ladies. My mood improved with the thought. As Amanda exited the room I followed on gripping her hand tightly. The hotel reception was brightly lit, I looked around to see how busy it was. There was a large group of women, all talking loudly to each other. But other than that the place was quite empty. We walked to the reception desk and I stood behind Amanda as she asked for our room key. I saw the man behind the counter look me up and down trying to suppress a giggle, my blush must have covered my entire body. I heard their conversation between them start but it was suddenly drowned out by shrieks of laughter from the clearly drunk group of women. “OH MY GOD......That man is wearing a nappy!” “It looks wet too!” “Helen, let’s go over and grab a photo for your hen night memories” I closed my eyes and hoped that a hole in the floor would appear and swallow me up. The group rushed towards me to get a closer look. “He is wet, look how bulky the nappy is!” “He’s the biggest baby I’ve ever seen!” Amanda, turned away from her discussion with the hotel receptionist and addressed the group. “Dan here has been helping us show off the new LBU nappy. He’s our model for the night” The laughter continued. “Do all your grown up models wet there selves?” “Can we have a photo with the bride to be?” Abby arrived mid conversation “Of course you can ladies, please make sure you #LBU on any social media post” Before I could protest about more photos of me in a nappy being posted on social media I was quickly surrounded by the hen party. “Let’s go over there around the seats” Abby suggested. With that I was dragged towards the soft furnishings whilst trying to fend off the numerous hands grabbing at my plastic disposable. Helen, the bride to be plonked herself down on the chair and I was encouraged to sit on her lap. The rest of the group huddled around us after handing their phones to Amanda who was quite happy to be the designated photographer. I felt again as if I was blushing all over and as the phone cameras flash went off I let a stream of wee into my already wet nappy through the sheer embarrassment. “Urggghhhh, he’s only wetting his nappy again!” Helen screamed to her friends Even when the hen party all started mocking me I could stop the emptying of my bladder. “So gross” “He’s just a big nappy wearing baby!” I could feel tears of shame welling up. Amanda reached in and grabbed me from the crowd. She whispered quietly in my ear “Don’t worry sweet baby, I’ll keep you safe” I was led towards the lifts with the cat calls ringing in my ears. “NAPPY BOY!” “Baby has wet his nappy” The lift dinged much to my relief and Amanda pulled me into the safe place. We were swiftly joined by Abby. “You did well not to react there, Dan” Abby complimented me. “You were a good boy” Amanda agreed. When the lift doors opened on the 4th floor we all exited and holding on tight to Amanda’s hand we followed Abby up the short corridor. Amanda holding me close as I waddled due to the almost full nappy. Abby stopped and opened up the room door with a key card and one by one we entered to hotel room. A quick scan of the room I saw that there was just the one sleeping area which contained a double and a single bed. There was a seating area which was a basic couch and a door which I assumed led to the bathroom. Amanda closed the door behind me and I listened as Abby spoke to us. “Great work you two. We’ve had some fantastic feedback tonight so it’s a job well done” I smiled a ‘fuzzy’ smile, the earlier baby bottles of beer filtering into my system. “Dan, your still wearing a wet nappy. I’m going to run you a bath so we can clean you up” “Why don’t you sit with Amanda and finish the new bottle I just got you whilst I am in the bathroom?” Amanda ushered me to the couch, it was just long enough for Amanda to sit at one end and me lay flat on my back, resting my head on her lap “Be a good baby and finish your bottle for me” Whether it was the stressful evening or more likely the three beer filled baby bottles I’d already finished I felt exhausted and very tired. Amanda stoked my head with one hand and fed me the bottle with the other. Amanda’s slow methodical strokes and soft whispered relaxed me further and I was struggling to keep my eyes open “You’ve been such a good baby for all your Mummies tonight” “Such a cute little nappy boy” “Are you going to use your nappy for me again?” I felt myself drifting off, relaxing my body and just letting my bladder empty. “Good boy, wet for me cutie. Let me feel you fill your nappy” With my eyes closed I heard Abby return from the bathroom and come into the room. “What a lovely sight, has baby Dan been good for you Amanda?” Amanda replied “Baby Dan has been very good for me, he’s just wet his nappy again as I requested” I heard the laugh in Abby’s voice “Well don’t let the baby doze off now otherwise we’ll never get a good nights sleep” “Come on Dan, let’s get you bathed and ready for beddie byes” @forced2wet

This subject comes up often, and I thought I had been clear; but we seem to have another instance where someone chased off a writer for a story with kids in it. While I am working to resolve that, I want to be extra clear about our rules: Stories MAY contain underage characters so long as they are not included in sexual situations or descriptions. I, myself, write such stories as I am an Adult Kid and I write from and for that perspective; and no member or other mod has the permission to change that rule. This is a rule that will not change as I obviously would not do something that would exclude me from a site I have invested nearly twenty years and tens of thousands of dollars into.

Im trans and when I first noticed I liked diapers I actually was really uncomfortable with it. For me I didn't think that somebody liking diapers was wrong, But because I was trans that I shouldn't like it because at that time when I put on a diaper it aroused me and I thought that was more or less wrong for me, I also didn't like that it would probably be considered a bit childish to like such things. But now it has been a long time and was able to get to a point where i'm oke with being aroused by things and I don't just get as aroused from wearing a diaper anymore in the first place (I do still like wearing one). And now I have big fondness for things that while I consider really cute might be considered a bit childish. I do want to say I didn't think back then that woman or trans people having a fetish was wrong but because I had genitalia that i dont like I shouldn't get aroused by stuff.Partly the way that I got over it was by reading things other trans people wrote and seeing some that also liked diapers, and also I got pills that had the effect of lowering testosterone which made me a lot happier and more oke with all of it. I would like to know if there are other trans people who also had similar problems like me when they first started to discover their fetish or realised they were trans. P.s I apologize if my grammar isn't to great i do try but English is not my native language and even in my native language im not to great with grammar.

This day started like any other. Brian Arb awoke to the ringing of his alarm and the sun peering in through the dormitory window. The honking of cars outside signaled that the world around him was awake too. However, Brian was assured as he saw the day on his phone's calendar: August third. Nothing happening today. Besides, it was Thursday and school hadn't started again.Climbing out of bed, he opened the window to the calming air around him. The morning warmth had already set in, but it was pleasing upon his bare upper body as the sight of the city loomed before him. Today was going to be a good day.The only difference that today brought was a moving van. It wasn't very large, but it was also closed so there was no telling what could be inside. Brian knew that school was starting soon, so he would probably be meeting the owner of its occupants soon enough. He thought that now might be the best time, especially if they needed help with settling in or getting the layout of the town.Grabbing a shirt, Brian descended the stairs and made his way to the parking lot. Sure enough, bending over into the vans open doors was the driver.She stood less than five feet tall, he could tell that. She definitely wouldn't come up to his chest, even if she were standing upright. Besides her height, the first thing that struck him was her natural deep red hair done in pigtails and hanging on either side of her shoulders. It ran down her back, curling softly at the end.Brian could see that her outfit looked very interesting as well. Her shorts were hanging down all the way to her knees and were decorated with a strips of purple and light blue across them. Beneath those, he saw that her socks came up past her knees and were pink, with cat paw prints dotting them cutely. Her top, on the other hand was white, but he could only just make out the tank from this side of her backpack.The pack was much bigger than she had any right to be carrying and looked like it could be full to bursting. The zippers were barely holding on and one or two were actually visibly loosening as he looked on. The neon pink and chartreuse bag was also covered in patches showing a bunch of characters Brian couldn't recognize.Just as he took note of the weight it appeared to be carrying, she stepped back with a box and began to trip. Quick on his feet, Brian moved forward and caught her under each arm and grabbed the box with his hands alleviating the weight tolerably. He breathed a sigh of relief and then addressed the small woman in his arms. "Hi." He didn't quite have his bearings completely as he had just leaped forward and was handling what felt like a minimum of a hundred and fifty pounds, but he was trying to keep his voice stable at least.Glancing upwards to him, the girl looked quite young. Her face still showed signs of baby fat around the tops of her cheeks and her eyes were large and gorgeous spheres of brown speckled with green. Her cute button nose and natural pink lips only proved to enhance her cuteness factor and made Brian blush as he saw her cheeks begin reddening as well."Hiya..." Her voice was soft like a pillow and quiet. She sounded as though she had barely been breathing since her incident."Um, let's get you back up." Brian spoke again, "Can I take some of that for you?"Her expression still remained with her surprised look and her mouth slightly open, but she slowly nodded upwards at him. He leaned down to ground his feet before he set the young girl back onto hers and gently removed the large box from her hands and lifted it over her head. It wasn't heavy, at least not to Brian. but he was also pretty strong.The girl stared up at him like he was a giant. He looked into her car and back at her. "Tell you what, you tell me your dorm number and I'll help you move this all inside. Deal?" She stared at him still, mouth slightly agape, before realizing that he was talking to her."Oh! Uh, sure, I guess. I'm, uh." Brian noticed her grabbing at her pockets and pulling a small paper out of her back pocket. He saw her bag was slipping open again and he could see inside just a bit as she stepped forward away from him. He could tell she had a few coloring books and crayons inside, but not much else. "I'm on the third floor, room 313." She spoke again, only slightly raising her voice."313? We can manage that." Brian replied. He adjusted the box in his arm so that he could carry another and he nodded towards the building. "Lead the way. You're gonna need to open the door before I can get in."They ascended the stairs and brought all of her things to her room. The university provided a bed and desk, so that took care of a few things, but he noticed that she had quite a few boxes in her van. Once they had arrived, he set the boxes gently onto the ground and she pulled her backpack off, only now noticing that her zipper was coming undone. She looked at him quickly, but saw that he was looking away. She swiftly zipped it back shut and pushed it too the side. "Uh!" She started, awkwardly loud suddenly, "I think we should start grabbing the other boxes before we start unpacking." Brian was startled by this sudden outburst, but he stood up slowly and nodded, following behind her.It took several trips to get all of her things into her new dorm but, by the end of it, Brian was happy to help. He always tried to help out if someone needed it and wanted to make sure that she had a good experience in her classes."Well," he said, laying a briefcase down next to her closet, "That's everything. Happy to help out." He turned to look at her to see that she was offering him a twenty dollar bill in her left hand. "What's that for?" He questioned."It's yours. You didn't need to help me, but thanks for getting all my heavy stuff up here." She pushed the money further out towards him, lowering her head and blushing as she did.Brian held up his hands. "Hey, no big deal. I was in the neighborhood. Keep your money.""But, you spent hours helping me! At least let me do something.""Well, how about this." He reached his hand out and held it like he wanted to shake her hand and he smiled broadly. "I'm Brian. Brian Arb."She seemed slightly taken aback by this. She blushed even harder and reached out to grab his hand, putting away her money. "Cindy." She spoke gingerly."Cindy, it's a pleasure to meet you. If you wanna pay me back, then meet me at the coffee shop down the block tomorrow, around eight. Let's just get to know each other and we'll work things out from there." Brian could tell that she was apprehensive and looked a bit skeptical, but she slowly nodded at him. His smile widened. "Great. I'll see you tomorrow then." He left her in her room to start unpacking, thinking back on the whole experience.He was quite happy to have met Cindy. He could tell that she was a shy and a bit on the socially awkward side, but he didn't think anything of it. He just hoped that she would be a friend. He had needed to move a state over for college, so he was a bit short on friends and not many people who he had already spoken to were very genuine. Most freshmen just seemed like they were trying to pretend to be tough or to be more of a presence then they actually were. He admired that Cindy, at least, was shy but didn't feel fake.The next night, Brian showed up to the coffee house around fifteen minutes early. He had on a dark purple polo that hugged his physique and khaki slacks and he was going to make sure to make a good second impression on Cindy. He wasn't sure how she took yesterday, but he wanted her to feel comfortable around him. At least then there would be nothing awkward if they both needed to use their dorms laundry.Cindy walked in a few minutes after him. She had on a baby blue dress that came up to the tops of her knees and a red shrug that wrapped her snugly. Her hands were cover in gloves that matched her shrug as well and her purse was the same color too. Brian was impressed."You look wonderful." He said, walking over to her. She blushed again, as he expected she would by this point."Thanks." She said, shuffling her feet slightly in embarrassment. "You look good too.""Thanks. Let's get something and sit down." He guided her to the counter and they glanced at the menu."I'd like a hot cocoa, please!" Cindy said, her eyes lighting up and her voice raising louder than Brian had heard her speak before. "And whipped cream too!" She rocked back and forth on her heels as she said this.Brian glanced at the cashier and smiled. "I'll have one too then." He began reaching for his wallet, before Cindy grabbed her purse and pulled her money out."You helped me move, so I'll pay." She spoke as if she were trying to sound mature, but she only seemed more childish to him as she said it. He let her pay, anyway. He was happy to just be out.As they sat, they began talking. Brian tried to make sure that he didn’t bring up anything awkward, but he wasn’t quite sure what would make her feel uncomfortable. He soon started to notice a small tick of hers: her tapping her feet to any music that came on.“You a music junkie?” He said. She noticed her foot and pushed both of them underneath her, blushing again. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s cute. I don’t mind.”A minute of silence passed between the two of them. He couldn’t interrupt her thinking, but he also felt as the situation grew thicker on them by the second.“...why did you want to do this? You don’t even know me…” Cindy spoke, small and scared, raising her arms to hug her chest.Brian thought he had said something wrong. He held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I just-”“No!” She interrupted. “Why are you even here? Why do you care?”He paused, startled, but hurt. “Sorry. “ His voice lowered. “I just don’t like seeing people alone. I thought that you were, well, cute and thought that you might want a friend.” He felt strange. Normally, people wanted to be his friend, but it appeared as if the woman sitting in front of him was so apprehensive about opening it might be a lost cause. “Listen, I understand if you don’t want to be the kid’s friend here, but I’ll always be just down the hall if you need me. And thanks for the cocoa”Brian stood up, feeling slightly defeated, but knew he made his best effort. As he walked past Cindy, he saw her staring at him, and she kept watching as he left. ‘Oh well,’ he thought to himself, ‘I tried. I’ll find someone else.’ He began to walk his way back to his dorm, knowing it would probably still be close to empty. As he reached the second crosswalk, he heard the pitter-patter of feet racing towards him. He turned in time to see Cindy coming up behind him, panting as she reached him. She grabbed at his sleeve and held it as she caught her breath.“Can you take me home? It’s gonna be dark soon.” She said, voice sounding haggard from the run. He nodded down at her and waited for her to finish calming herself.She regained her breath, but the walk still took longer than it should have. Her small legs and quickly tiring herself out took a toll he could see. By the time they returned to their building, she had to lean against it to catch her breath. Brian offered out his arms to her. “I could carry you the rest of the way. It’s three flights of stairs if the elevator is in use or broken.”She glared at him for a few seconds before she relented. She climbed into his grasp and he began to hold her, one arm across her shoulders and down her back, while the other cradled her legs and met his hand at her lower back. The elevator was being repaired anyway so it was probably the safest bet.Brian climbed the stairs to Cindy’s room and helped her get her door open. She was already dozing as they entered, so he just carried her to her bed and helped her get her shoes off. He laid her head down and pulled her blanket over her. She nuzzled into her pillow and slowly pulled her arms and legs closer to herself, smiling slightly as she was almost in the fetal position. Brian left as he saw how comfortable she was and how quickly she was dozing off.He made it back into his dorm and began to mentally unpack everything that had happened tonight. This was his first time actually speaking to her for more than just a few words during the move and he wasn’t sure how to take everything that had happened. The one thing that kept coming back to him was she her last few questions:‘Why did you want to do this? What are you even doing here? Why do you care?”He felt hurt at that. He didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable. It had to be obvious. He wanted to be her friend. Maybe they could be more, but that didn’t matter. He didn’t have anyone here and, from the sound of her voice, she could use someone.The night was a restless for Brian and he noticed the rising sun before he could even get any rest. He could feel the ache of his body from the tossing and turning, but his mind wouldn’t quiet. He was worried for Cindy. If she was upset with him, he would at least try to make it better, once she had time to calm down. Getting up, he made his way to make sure that she was ok.Once, he left his dorm, Brian found that Cindy was still asleep. He could understand. It was early after all so he could wait. He was, however, extremely hungry, so he went to eat.By the time he had returned, he found that her car was no longer in the lot. Brian was upset about this, but he could accept her needing to be out. He wasn’t the owner of her life. He could apologize next time he saw her.Over time, Brian decorated his dorm sparsely. He set up his desk, made sure he had his computer and games properly wired in, and had a microwave and mini fridge to keep any drinks and snacks he needed. He felt comfortable and happy, but he did miss seeing anyone he knew. The only things he knew that anyone else was doing was partying, so he started to try going with them. He went to several new groups and found common interests, but he just wasn’t sure if they were as interested in being friends or just partying.Brian had to wait two weeks to see Cindy again. He always seemed to be on a different schedule than her and, whenever he tried knocking, she was out. He found a few other people to hang out with, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Something kept making him think back to helping her move and helping her back to her dorm.Then school started and Brian decided to put that aside. He had studies and knew he couldn’t keep up with his scholarships if he was distracted by some random girl he never saw or by partying all the time. The others weren’t happy, but he wasn’t gonna let them drag him down. He knew he could rely on himself and he could make real friends if he saw them more often.He was incredibly smart for his age, having gotten into college early on a full ride scholarship for in the field of psychology. He could read people really well if he could just see them. It almost felt second nature to him. ‘Your life is written in every action, every creased shirt, every discolored fingernail.’ He remembered saying that to a bully who told he had gotten expelled for smoking and his parents and school were keen to help him use this to the best of his abilities. He just wanted to make sure that he could help.Brian arrived in class early, cleanly shaven and dressed in his khakis with a red button up shirt, and noticed how much larger the room was then he anticipated. He noticed that all of the desks he had anticipated were gone, replaced with large arm chairs and several chaises longes. On the chalkboard, he read ‘Your seat and partner are yours for the year. Choose carefully.’ As the only one in class at this point he walked around, testing the seats and looking for the one he felt most comfortable in.The professor, Mrs. Harmon, walked in shortly. She was a young, looking no older than twenty-three, and had wild cinnamon brown hair but at her chin. She saw he was the only one in and smiled at him. Brian’s parents had known her when she was younger and they had been friends in the past. She had even babysat him when he was ten until he was fifteen. “Ah, Mr. Arb, a pleasure to see you in my class. I have to say, someone has grown up quite a lot since we last met. How’s the family?”“Fine, Mrs. Harmon,” Brian replied. “They are worried about me being away, but I told them I would be fine as long as you were keeping an eye on me. Mom and Dad haven’t changed much since you last saw them though. How’s your husband doing?”“I...don’t wish to speak of him today. He’s been getting under my skin a lot. I swear, one of these days, he’s going to end up out on his ass if he doesn’t straighten up.” Brian had never seen her get so emotional over anyone. He had known that her and Mr. Harmon had gotten married early, but he assumed that they truly did love each other once they moved. Hearing that she was upset about this made him feel nervous.He began to walk over to her, leaving his bag in the chair he had chosen, and hugged her. She paused for a moment before hugging him back. “Thank you, Brian. I needed that today.” After a minute, they separated and he caught Mrs. Harmon smiling brightly.“Just remember, you will always be Mrs. Harmon to me. I want to make sure that you can be proud of me too. So, let’s get to molding.” Brian made his way back to his seat and the others started to make their way into the room as well. There seemed to be an even divide in gender, he made note of, as they read the board and found seats. A few stayed with friends or significant others, while he saw just as many trying to just find a seat.The class was merely a few minutes from starting and Brian saw that all of the seats were taken, save for the lounge chair beside him. Mrs. Harmon looked in his direction while she scanned the class and looked back at her chart before looking back at him and holding up a single finger. There was only one person left. He got nervous, hoping that it wouldn’t be someone that he would hate.The door opened one last time, only a single minute from classes start time. The red hair was a familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite place it, the way it fell down her back in a braid as she turned to let the door close gently. Brian wasn’t sure who it was as she read the board, scanned the room and made her way to his chair.At first, Brian only saw the sensible red dress she was wearing as she made her way towards him. Then, he began to notice a few smaller details, like her matching wristbands, entwined with baby blue and purple, and her XX hi sneakers that reached her knees and were covered with neon laces. He couldn’t be sure at first if it was her, but he had a suspicion. It was confirmed as she saw him closer and almost gasped.“B-Brian?” Cindy said, in her surprised and quiet voice.Brian’s eyes widened as he realized finally who it was. “Cindy? Good to see you.”Her eyes were wider than any he had ever seen. She was startled to see him again, she could tell, but he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he was stalking her. They went to the same school, so they were bound to meet eventually, but he didn’t imagine that they would be partners, and for the whole year. He didn’t know if his luck was amazing or terrible, but he could only hope that Cindy was at least nice.The teacher gave a short speech, introducing herself and handing out her syllabus, before she started discussing what we were expected to learn. She even discussed the partners. We were together for the entire year and we would both have to pull our weight as much as possible. We were to be studying each other and getting to know each other like we were both going to be the counselor to the other.“Now,” Mrs. Harmon said, winding down from her small lecture. “I want all of you to get to know your partner. I know that some of you don’t know each other, so I want you to at least know their name by the end of the day. I want you to understand that you both must learn the material and each other. The day is yours, but at least do something with your partner before your next class.”Everyone began to go their separate ways, either talking in their small groups or leaving with the partner they had to do something else. Cindy looked at Brian and he looked at her for a few moments before she turned away shyly.“Look,” Brian said, taking the initiative, “I’m sorry if I came off too strong earlier. I don’t really know anyone around here just yet and I was hoping to be your friend. Can you forgive me?”She glanced back at him before looking at the ground, tapping the toes of her shoes together quietly.“I understand you’re apprehensive, but we are partners, so can we at least make sure that we both pass?”At that, Cindy did seem to come to an understanding. She nodded and then looked at Brian calmly. “Ok, Brian. We do have to do this together, so, at least for now, partners.” She reached her hand out and Brian shook hers back before her eyes widened in realization. She quickly reached into her bag and pulled out two suckers. She handed him one that was grape flavoured. “Here.”Brian took it and laughed lightly before putting it to his mouth. ‘At least she is cute.’‘Hey. Writing an essay, need something to eat. Can you grab me some lemon chicken from down the street? I’ll get you something too.’ Brian’s phone lit up. Cindy had messaged him. He smiled, getting up to grab her food.They had been talking for two weeks and she seemed to be opening up to him. He could tell that she didn’t have many friends around here and was very pleased to be there for her. He was happy to have someone closer again too.Their interests were pretty aligned as well. They both loved cheesy movies and energetic music, though his energy could lean more to metal and hers aired on the side of foreign pop. The two also found that they both wanted to get into careers for helping those that were less fortunate. Brian wanted to be a therapist for those of lower income, while Cindy wanted to help developing kids who may have issues. It made him feel like they had a bit more of a connection.Grabbing her food, he made his way back to her dorm. He knocked and waited as she opened the door. The sound of upbeat K-pop was playing as she invited him in for the first time since she had moved in. The walls had trails of pink and yellow lights affixed on them, accompanied by wall supported candle holders and stuffed animals on shelves.Cindy dug into the food Brian brought and he took in all the details.“Cute.” He commented as Cindy looked up from her food. She blushed again, a recurring trend of her reactions to his compliments. “I like it. You shouldn’t think too much on others opinion.”Her head lowered as she bit into her egg roll. “You’re the first to see it.” She said, mouth still partially full.“Hey.” Brian said, raising his voice slightly as he gently bopped her on the nose with his index finger. “Don’t talk with your mouth open. What will your boyfriend say? Sorry, or girlfriend.”Cindy looked up at him through her hair hanging in front of her face. She swallowed her food before speaking. “Don’t got one. Not really that interested in talking to most people.”Brian could understand her there, what with everything he had been through in the last year or so of high school as well as the friends he was partying with before college started. “Don’t worry. If you want someone, I know that you could have them.”Cindy blushed again. “Thanks, Brian.” Her dinner finished, she began to turn back to her essay, but looked at Brian again. “Hey, do you have class tomorrow?” He shook his head no. “I have a long day between classes and I need a few things. Can you get them for me?” She held out her hand and in it was a list and money.Brian looked from her hand to her eyes and smiled. “No problem. Need me to hide the bodies too?”Cindy snorted in laughter, before her face turned tomato red. “Oh gosh. No. they’re in the closet. Don’t go in there.” She smiled back at him. “And you’ll need this to get in while I’m gone.” In her hand this time was a spare key, which Brian took.Granola bars? Check. Ginger ale? Check. Veggie chips? Check. Oreo's? Check. Goldfish crackers? Check. Chocolate syrup and Milk? Double check.Eclectic was definitely a word to describe her snack choices. The few normal items seemed to be countered by something Brian would have found strange for someone her age to be getting. That being said, he had known his parents to love cookies and his papa wouldn’t drink anything save for water and root beer, so it wasn’t a bother.The trip was short and, as Brian had no classes, he finished gathering the items quickly. He almost left but noticed a candy shop near him and decided to surprise her. He gathered a few types of chocolate and a few bottles of ramune flavors.When he arrived back, he put everything away in Cindy’s room. He wanted to look around or wait to say hi, but he wasn’t sure when she would be back. Besides, he had to finish studying.A quick knock on the door alerted Brian to the arrival of a guest and brought his attention to the time. It was getting late and he needed to be getting to bed soon. He turned his music down and opened the door to find Cindy, eyes beaming at him. She looked at him, staring into his eyes, before she jumped into the air and hugged him with her arms wrapped around his neck. He buckled backwards for a second but quickly grabbed himself on the wall.“Thank you.” She whispered into his ear, her voice euphoric. “I really love it. I needed to stock up and I didn’t know who to ask to help me and I knew the mall would be closed before I got here and-”“Hey,” Brian said, rubbing her back, “I got you. Don’t worry. We’re friends, right?”Cindy had an errant tear roll onto his shoulder that he felt he shouldn’t address. “Yeah.” She sighed in relief as she said that. “You wanna come over to my dorm real quick?”He nodded and followed her back to her dorm. Once inside, she pulled out a small plastic container with two cupcakes inside of them. One was obviously chocolate, while the other was vanilla. Over the top of it was a small bow and a tag that read “Happy Birthday” on it. Brian came to a sudden realization.“It’s your birthday?” He nearly shouted, realizing that they left the door open too late. He quickly closed it and turned back to her as she began to giggle.“I kinda didn’t want anyone to know but...you’ve been so sweet to me. I was going to tell you tomorrow, but you really are my closest friend.”Brian walked over to her and hugged gently, making sure not to hurt the package. “Happy Birthday, Cindy. How old are you?”Nuzzling forward into his strong chest, she muttered, “Nineteen.”After Brain set her down, she handed them the vanilla cupcake. Brian had never tasted one as wonderful as that night. The company only helped to make it memorable.The next two weeks of classes saw Brian and Cindy getting closer. They spent plenty of time trying to see each other between classes and they talked every night. The next Friday night, she brought cocoa to him in his room to study and watch movies. Each of them picked out something to show the other.As she had warned might happen, Cindy began to doze partway into the movie he chose for the night. Brian found it cute, especially as she curled up in the chair next to his bed. He wrapped a blanket on her and gently placed a pillow under her head.Getting up to turn the movie off, he grabbed a drink. As he went back to his bed, he noticed a small patch of wetness as he stepped past the chair Cindy was in. Curious, Brian lifted the blanket to find that her sweatpants were soaked across the legs and crotch area.Brian wasn’t sure what to do. He knew about some younger kids wetting themselves in their sleep, but he never thought of someone this close to his age doing that.‘Wait,’ he thought, ‘The diapers...those looked like they could have been her size. And she never wants me to stay at her place late...were those…’He didn’t know what needed to be done about them, but he knew that she needed a change. He grabbed her spare key and went into her room. He didn’t think she would want him snooping around, but he knew that she needed a change.He opened her closet and pulled open the first box her found. In it, was her diapers, along with several containers of wet wipes, two bottles of baby powder, a bottle of lotion, and a large diaper bag. This only confirmed it.Brian grabbed everything he would need, put it inside the bag, and made his way back. As he opened the door, he prepared himself for the change and the talk that he knew was coming. There she was, still asleep in his chair.Slowly, Brian pulled the blanket off of her and set it aside, noticing a small wet patch on it as well. Her pants were still drenched and he could tell that they might leak, when he realized that she didn’t even wake up from this. He couldn’t do this to her. He didn’t know how she would react and it was an invasion of her privacy and trust.Gently shaking her, Cindy began to awaken at Brian’s attempts. Her eyes seemed unfocused as she sleepily smiled at him. “Hey, Brian. What time is it?” She rubbed her eyes, not noticing her predicament.“Um…” Began Brian, awkwardly, “It’s just past midnight. Listen, Cindy, it...uh...looks like you had an accident.”Confused for a moment, Cindy looked at him quizzically before the realization dawned on her. She reached down and felt the damp fabric on her legs as her face began to take on the scarlet hue familiar to her cheeks.“I-It’s ok.” Brian stammered. “I got everything from your room. You can get changed in here. I’ll step outside if you want.”Still flustered, Cindy just tucked her head downwards. She reached to grab the bag, pulling it onto the chair and tightly securing it as her arms intertwined over her chest. Brain turned to leave and left the door just open so that she wouldn’t need to open it, just in case anyone came by this late.The rustling of a plastic diaper and the clicking of the container of wipes filled his ears. He hadn’t heard anything like this in several years. A bit taken aback, he turned his head slightly and noticed that the opening in the doorway didn’t let him see inside. He breathed a sigh of relief, not knowing if he could stop himself with if that temptation were there.The smell of baby powder wafted towards him, gently caressing his nostrils. This smell was slightly familiar, just on the edge of memory. He knew it, but couldn’t place where.Then tapes tearing and being stuck back. This was louder than the other noises and would have been noticed by anyone walking by, but no one did, thankfully.“Ok, come in.” Cindy said again.Stepping back into his room, Brian saw something that he never imagined: the cutest girl ever dressed in a diaper before him with nothing else covering her legs. Cindy was blushing so much that her neck was showing reddening signs.“Wow.” Brian finally spoke. “Uh…” Cindy merely stood there, appearing to try to sink into the floor beneath her. “I...should probably clean the chair.”From his closet, he procured a bottle of fabric cleaner and some towels. As he cleaned, Cindy sat on his bed. When he was finished with the chair and the floor, Brian turned back to her and noticed that she was crying.“Hey, please don’t.” He set his hand on her bare knee as he spoke. “It’s ok. Everyone has an accident every once in a while. I don’t mind, honest.”She looked up at him through her bangs. Her eyes were red and she softly sniffled back a sob. She then put her face into her hands, as if trying to hide. Brian moved his left hand to her shoulder and softly rubbed it. "Don't worry. I understand. You don't need to be embarrassed about it."Slowly Cindy's hands came off of her face. She looked at him like she was relieved, but still hesitant. She nodded at him."Ok. I understand if you are too tired or if everything that has happened was too much, but I still want to be your friend. Do you?" Once again, she nodded. "I'm glad."Brian moved to sit next to her on his bed and she gently moved to lay her head onto his shoulder. She sighed in relief and her breathing calmed. He could tell she was relaxing.“So, what now?” Cindy said.“Well,” Brian Began, “We don’t have class tomorrow. We could watch another movie or we could split.”“I think that, after everything that’s happened, I need to lay down. Maybe we can talk tomorrow.”“I understand. You're gonna need something to wear if you are going back to your room. I'll let you have a pair of shorts or something."Cindy packed everything and went back to her room, both her and Brian feeling exhausted from the night, but with too much on their minds to sleep properly. Eventually, Brian was able to sleep.The next week went by and they barely spoke of the event. The only time it came up was when they were going to spend more time in and Brian told her to remember to make sure to get her ‘night aid’ in case of issues. Cindy was grateful he didn’t say it out loud when people were around.Friday night came again and it was Brian’s birthday. Cindy wanted to make it something special for him, so she offered to make him dinner in the communal kitchen. He agreed.Brian never knew Cindy could cook, but was not going to turn down a free meal. He was excited to see what she could do. When she walked in, he saw her dressed in a way he hadn’t before. She was clothed in a knee length, sleeveless maroon dress. She was stunning.The dish she brought smelled exquisite and he could see she had not skimped on anything. Before him was the most gorgeous steak dinner he had ever seen. The flavours were sublime to him and he was finished before he could realize how quickly he had eaten. Cindy giggled at him. “Hungry?”“Yes, but it was also fantastic.” Brian stated“I’m glad you liked it. Now, what do you want to do?”“I’m low maintenance. I’d be ok to just stay in and watch movies again.”Cindy giggled and blushed. “That sounds lovely.”They both made themselves comfortable again and they were almost halfway in before Brian asked her the big question:“Did you remember to put your diaper on?”Cindy blushed hard and looked at him like a deer in the headlights. “Um...no. I brought them, but I didn’t know what to expect.”“Do you need to change? I can leave again.”Cindy looked down and started playing with her thumbs. “I was, actually, thinking that, maybe, if you wanted to, could you please, uh...diaper me? I can walk you through it.”Now it was Brian’s turn to blush. He was shocked that she would suggest that, but at the same time, he was intrigued. He wanted to do this and that surprised even him. He placed his hand on hers and said, “I can do that.”She smiled and pulled her bag closer, opening it to reveal the supplies inside. Brian reached in and started pulling everything out. Diaper, wipes, lotion, and, lastly, a changing pad. He laid the pad across his floor and patted it, looking up into Cindy’s eyes as he did. She sat down on it and leaned back, making sure to still be able to see and walk him through the process.“Do you want me to remove those?” Brian commented as he lightly pinched the baby blue sweatpants she was wearing. She nodded in affirmation and he slid both the pants and panties off together.Seeing her vagina was not what Brian was expecting. He had never had sex before, but he had seen a lot on the internet, but this was different. She had a small patch of curled, blonde hair over her lips, but nowhere else, nor did she have stubble or any other marks of shaving. She just must not get very much hair.Getting to work, Brian wiped her down gently, trying to make sure that she was completely clean. Cindy looked so relaxed as he continued, appearing like she could drift to sleep at any point during this exchange. He was very happy at how calm she was about this.After her wipe down, the lotion came out. His hands rubbed from her abdomen down to where her thighs met her butt. Unconsciously, he did squeeze a small amount around there, but she didn’t seem to mind. Completely clean and now properly moisturized, the next step was clear.The diaper in his hand was different then the others from before. Though it was in the same size, it was completely purple except on her butt where it had her handwriting on it: Spank me! A smile came to Brian’s face, but he kept at his task, lifting her butt from the pad and sliding the diaper underneath, before lifting the front up and over, taping it snugly onto Cindy, then checking the tabs to make sure there wouldn’t be any leaking.His job done, Brian petted the front of her diaper. Cindy moaned slightly and sat up, smiling brightly and looking very childish. She hugged him and kissed his neck. “Happy Birthday, Daddy!”Taken aback, he pulled away from the hug. “Daddy? Do…” Not very often did it happen that he lost his words, but this was one of the few times in their friendship he had. He looked at her and, slowly, the words came out of his mouth. “Daddy? I c-can do that. I can be your daddy.”Cindy’s cheeks flared a bright red as she hugged him closely, a shy smile covering her face. The embraced lasted almost a minute before they pulled away and sat on Brian’s bed to watch their movie, with her panties and sweats still laying on her floor.Nearly an hour into the second movie, Brian heard Cindy snoring softly. He smiled to himself and began to slide a blanket over her until he noticed that she had wet herself by the feeling of a wet sheet on him. He gently roused her from her sleep, not wanting to be too mad.After cleaning the bed, Brian removed the sheet and sat Cindy in his chair. “Cindy, how come you are so wet? You’re leaking.”Cindy looked sleepily at Brian, now standing over her. “I wet, um, I just after we stopped hugging...and it was a big one. I had to go a lot during the movies too and I must have let it go when I was sleeping…” Her voice trailed off at that and she looked away, her blush nearly maroon on her cheeks.“You should have told me. I can change you. But now you messed up my sheets.” A thought then occurred to him. He wasn’t sure how she would take it, but he wanted to try. He sat back on his unmade bed and patted his lap. “Get your diapered butt over here, little lady.”Cindy’s eyes grew wide and her cheeks flushed. This look was much different from her normal, embarrassed state, she looked like she had seen a ghost. The color came back to her cheeks and she slowly stood up. “Um, that’s ok Brian. I can-”“No Cindy. You wet your diaper and didn’t tell me and you have ‘Spank Me’ written right across your butt in your own handwriting. If you didn’t want me to do this, you wouldn’t have done either of these things.” With that, he patted his lap again. “I know what I’m doing, sweaty. This is for your own good.”Cindy’s head lowered and her chin touched the base of her neck. Her hands clasped in front of her sodden diaper and she slowly inched forward. When she reached Brian, she leaned forward and rested her padded front onto his lap with her tiptoes touching the ground and her upper body hanging loosely off of him. Brian placed his hand onto the spot with her writing and started to rub it.“This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you, but it’s for your own good.” As he said this, he lifted his hand and, when the sentence ended, it came down.The reverberations felt strange travelling up Brian’s arm as he spanked Cindy. He had never done this to anyone before, but he found that he did enjoy it. The way he felt in control made him smile. Even the plastic, slightly loose and squishing from the earlier wetting made him really excited.Tempered were the blows coming down on Cindy, Brian being careful to not hurt her more than a small amount. A bit of fun was fine, but it would be bad if he left any bruising or damage. All he wanted was to play with her and make sure that she wouldn’t do it again.After ten spanks, she was lifted from his lap, the redness on her face spreading down to her chest. She hadn’t been crying or anything, she merely looked like she was embarrassed. Brian stood up and kissed her on the forehead gently.“Daddy has to go take care of the sheets you messed.” He said, pointing to the corner next to his closet, one that no one would see unless they entered the living space of his room. “I want you to stand in the corner and face the wall until I get back.” Patting her butt one last time, he watched her as she took her place, facing the walls, and he went to start his soiled sheets washing.Once the sheets were started, Brian returned to his room. As he closed the door and entered, he found Cindy still facing the wall, but her legs were crossed and she was holding her arms in front of her stomach. Unsure what had changed, he stepped forward.“Cindy? What’s wrong? Are you ok?” He gently placed his arm on her shoulder and turned her to face him. No resistance was offered, but she wasn’t looking him in the face. “I’m sorry. If you want me to, we won’t talk about this and we don’t have-”“NO!” She said, more firmly than any other time he had ever spoken to her. Her blush had receded and she look Brian directly in the eyes. “I just- um...I liked it. A lot, actually. I wanna know if you would like to do that more. I have toys and things and, if you wanted, you could be my daddy more.”Brian was stunned. He had really liked it too and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it the entire time he was doing laundry. “Oh.” A small pause followed as everything she had said caught up to him. “Yeah. I can do that. Anything for you.”Gently she pressed her face into his chest and the rest of her body slowly followed suit until they were only separated by the small amount of clothing they wore. His arms wrapped around her again, the presence of each other calming.Cindy spoke up again. “I really have to go potty again and I didn’t want you to be mad, so I held it while you were gone. I wanted to ask where you wanted me to go.”Brian laughed, then lifted her up and carried her into the bathroom. Setting her next to the toilet, he removed the soaked garment from her waist and guided her to sit down. He slowly ran his hand over her hair, petting her gently to help relax her, and leaned down to speak as softly as possible. “That’s a good girl. Daddy wants you to be happy and let everything go. Go potty for me, sweaty. Just relax.”The sound of water cascading into the toilet told him that she had relaxed quite a lot, the sounds signaling the relief of her bladder. Cindy sighed as she urinated. Neither one of them had an experience like this before, from either side, but both of them were very happy to be sharing this together.As she finished, she sat back and let out another sigh. She reached for the toilet paper, but she was stopped as she saw Brian holding it. He made sure to wipe her slit carefully to clean any excess before he dropped it into the toilet and flushed it for her.She was lifted again. The next trip they made was back to the living room as the changing mat was being used for the second time that night. Laying her back down, Brian began his work of recleaning her, wiping her down again, lotioning her, and diapering her, this time in her pink, princess themed diaper. Finishing the task, he took the garment and wipes and threw them away, making sure to wash himself afterwards.Cindy was laid back in the bed again, her cheeks slightly red again, but her smile as wide as could be. ‘She is gorgeous.’ Brian thought to himself as he kissed her on the forehead again. “I have to go and take care of the sheets. Don’t stop being cute.” Her blush spread as her knees touched and her hands came up to her chest, but her smile didn’t leave, only being accompanied by an adorable giggle.Brian returned as quickly as he could, having rotated his sheets. He couldn’t contain himself with how this was making him feel really good. It was nice to take care of someone in this way. Nothing felt like this.When he returned, Cindy was asleep again. She looked incredibly happy and peaceful. He pulled a blanket over her to keep her warm and moved into his chair.He began to consider what was going to happen between them. Did he really like her? He thought he did, but he was repetitious of jumping into another hasty relationship. Did she like him? She obviously trusted him, but that didn’t mean that she loved him or anything. What about the ‘Daddy’ thing? Was he ready to be this responsible for her and himself? He barely had any money, only a small amount from his parents each month to help him live.He would have to get a job, which would definitely pull him away from her. They would only see each other during class, maybe weekends or whenever he didn’t work, and when he ate or when he had to be sleeping. Would it really be great for them to be separated like that? Would she even want him if it would mean barely seeing each other until they were out of college?His thoughts were interrupted as Cindy rolled over and looked at him, eyes slowly blinking off the sleep. Her smile widened as she stretched and yawned. “Hey, birthday boy.”Brian looked down at her, cute as ever, and couldn’t help smiling back. “Hey, you. Still dry in there?”“Mmmhm.” She nodded. “I’m fine.”“Good. You still tired? Stay up a bit too late past your bedtime?”Cindy stuck her tongue out at Brian and made a noise as she did. “I am still tired. Maybe I should go back to my room.”“That’s fine. I had a lot of fun today.”Cindy put her pants back on and began putting her stuff into her bags. “It was a dream come true. Thank you.”Brian hugged her as she stood back up. “I had fun too. If you ever need a Daddy again, I’d be happy to oblige.”Cindy blushed again, but less then before, almost like she was enjoying or getting used to it. As she was nearing the door, he spanked her butt once again, a bit softer than when she was on his lap but enough that she could tell it was intentional. She froze for a second, hearing the crinkle and basking in the pressure of his hand. Then, she bent over, pushing her butt out towards him and swaying her hips side to side.Brian pulled back his hand and spanked her again, as hard as he was earlier, five more times across her diapered butt. Each slap coming down only made him want this more. He wanted to be her Daddy. He wanted to be here for her.After the fifth, he kept his hand resting on her and began to rub her butt in small circles. She sighed and held her arms outwards to steady herself against the door. He couldn’t help himself as he saw this as he slowly lent over and kissed her diaper clad butt, eliciting a squeal from Cindy.“What was that about?” She said, blush intensifying.Brian shrugged. “What can I say? You have a wonderful butt. It’s a lot of fun.”Cindy just turned around, giggling again, and left him alone in his room.Another few weeks of classes, social calls, and making sure to spend as much time together as they possibly could followed Brian and Cindy. Brian wanted to do everything with Cindy and she seemed to reciprocate. They were only apart when studying or when their classes conflicted.Brian was conflicted however. He could tell that he didn’t just want to be friends with Cindy like this. He had changed her diaper, spent late nights talking about everything from politics to coffee preference, he’d even listened to her pee as she used the bathroom, but he couldn’t tell what she wanted from this. She liked calling him Daddy, but was that just a game? He had to know.Friday night came again and he was ready. He knew that he had to ask her tonight. If she just wanted a friend, he would accept that and would make sure that she didn’t feel awkward. No pestering, no anger, just friends was fine if that was what was to come.He didn’t want to think about losing her friendship forever. It made him really nervous. If she didn’t like him, could she stand knowing that he liked her? If she didn’t want to be friends, could she even work with him in class?A knock came at his door. He knew it was her. The moment of truth was here. He opened the door and saw the most gorgeous girl in his life again, two bags draped over her shoulders and a third in her hand, the telltale bulge of her diaper in her shorts. As he let her in, the nerves kept climbing and he almost felt like he would explode from the pressure.Cindy set everything on the floor in front of the entertainment center and came back to hug him after the door was closed. He could smell gentle hints lavender and honey on her today. ‘Maybe she has a new soap or lotion on.’ Brian liked it. The scent was calming him as was the feeling of holding her again.“Hey there, Daddy. How are you tonight?” She said, her voice raised in excitement.Brian sighed. “Better now that you are here. Listen, I need to talk to you.” As he said this, he pulled away from her and moved his hands to her shoulders.Cindy looked at him quizzically, cocking her head to the side in the most adorable way he had ever seen. “What’s up? If this is about wetting, don’t worry.” She unbuttoned her jeans and showed off a teal nylon garment over her diaper. “I’m covered, in more ways than one.” She giggled as she finished her statement.Brian smiled. She had become more open with him and it was becoming so cute and easy to share these things, but it wasn’t what he needed right now. “No. I know that you won’t. I just need to ask something about...this.” He took one hand from her shoulder and pointed between the two. “I need to know what you want and what we are.”Cindy still seemed confused. “Us? We’re friends, right? Or do you mean you being my Daddy and me being your little girl?”“No. I mean, kinda. I love having you as my little princess,” she blushed at that, having never heard him call her such before, “but I need to know something else. I...do you want me to be more than your Daddy?”Cindy’s eyes grew at that and her blush, having become less and less prevalent around him suddenly returned. She dropped her head slightly, not daring to look him in the eyes. “UM...what do you mean, Brian?”‘She called me Brian.” He thought. ‘She hardly calls me that anymore.’ The nerves begin to rise again and Brian moves to sit down, motioning for Cindy to do so as well. As they do, Brian continues, facing downwards as the embarrassment takes hold of his words. “I like you.” The sentence came out slowly, as he knew he had to pick his words carefully. “I really like you. These past few months have been very fun and I’m so glad you opened up to me. That being said, I felt that you should know that I actually really want to be more than just your friend. I really want you to know that I think I love you.” With everything said, he raised his head to look her in the eyes.The redness on her face had reached critical levels. She was wide eyed, her smile was gone and she looked stunned. There was no sound between the two of them, save for breathing. Cindy finally spoke up. “I...I...You don’t want to be my Daddy anymore?”“Of course I do. I love it so much.” He quickly responded. “I just want to know if you want to also, you know, date me. Like, go out, see a movie, have a picnic at a beach, that sort of thing. I want to know if you could see us in a relationship.”Cindy still looked at him like she couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. She looked down for a moment and then lifted her head back up smiling while tears were running down her cheeks. “Yes.”Every inch of tension began relieving itself in Brian’s body. He couldn’t help but to lean over to her and hug her. She began to hug him back, a small moan escaping from her lips. “Thank you.” He said, almost crying himself.A sniffle escaped from Cindy as she laughed for a few seconds. “Thank you, Daddy.”Brian squeezed her tightly in his embrace as he began to think about everything that had happened, settling back on their first meeting. He was so happy he offered to help her move in. Now, the best girl in the world was in his arms and wanted to date him. He couldn’t be happier. As he pulled away from her, Cindy leaned back into him, kissing him directly on the lips. He stood corrected.This kiss melted him. He couldn’t believe how good her lips felt and how it felt to be this intimate with her.Slowly, their lips came apart. Their gazes met again. Smiles returned to both of their faces as the realization of what had just happened came to them, both of their faces turning red to match.“My diaper is still showing.” Cindy whispered, eliciting a laugh from Brian. He reached down to her pants and began to try to push the button back in before he was stopped by her hands. “We can always take these off. It’ll be easier to change me.”They both began to take of her pants, Brian working his hands to the back of her hips while Cindy slid down the front side as she stood. It was slower than if one of them was doing it, but they didn’t care. The pants hit the floor and he pulled them off of her legs, leaving her in just a long sleeve pink shirt, her diaper with a heart on the front, and her teal cover.“Does my special little princess need to go potty?” Brian said, his hands sliding up to rest on her thighs and gently rubbing them.Cindy moaned and softly threw her head back. “Yes, Daddy.”“Do you want to use your diaper or the potty?”The blush returned and her hand raised up as she bit her thumb in excitement and embarrassment. “Can I go potty in my diapee, Daddy?”He smiled and kissed her stomach through her shirt. “Of course.”Cindy’s thumb went completely into her mouth as she began to wet herself. The noise of her urine soaking her diaper made Brian smile, knowing how much it made her happy and knowing it meant she would need a changing. The heart on the diaper began to shift its color, but the teal only made it appear to go from grey to a slightly different grey. She finished with a moan as the noises ceased.“Feel better?” He said, patting her diapered butt.Cindy nodded. “Mmmhm.”“Good girl. Now, does my little princess need another diaper on?” She stared down at him, her eyes softening again as she nodded. “Such a good girl, and so big, telling Daddy when she has a messy diaper. Soon you won’t even need them anymore.”“NO!” She whined, playful but firm. “I wanna wear my diapee all the time. I don’t want to grow up.”“Ok, ok. I understand. You can always be my little girl.”She smiled back at him, removing her thumb and sticking her tongue out.“Now that is where I draw the line.” He lifted her up, her squealing and giggling as he did so, before setting her on his lap. She recognized this position and began to shake her butt back and forth.“Daddy wouldn’t hurt me, right?” He could hear the suggestive nature in her voice.“Daddy knows what’s best for her, so he will if she need it.” With that, he pulled down her diaper cover and began to spank her. He was more forceful than last time. She was moaning with each time, enjoying every blow that came down on her padded behind.As the thirtieth smack came down, Brian stopped. Cindy was panting from the ordeal and was smiling broadly. He picked her back up and set her onto the ground as her began to get the changing supplies from her bag.“I think my little princess can get a changing now. Then we can have more playtime.”Cindy smiled up at Brian as he beamed down at her. They were both so happy and they were both ready to start a new chapter of their lives together.

Chapter 4 The sound of muffled cries filled the living room of the cabin for the next several minutes. Once Marcus had stopped crying, he figured Emily would be far behind. She wasn’t. He had no issue with that. Whether it was a shoulder to cry on, a diaper change, or a refill for her bottle, he was going to make her happy. He would move heaven and earth to make sure she was comfortable and happy. Just letting her cry to her heart’s content, he lightly patted her back, giving her any bit of comfort he could. Once Emily had stopped crying, she wiped the last tear from her eye and looked up at her daddy. “I’m sorry for crying so much daddy” was all the came from her mouth. Marcus gave her a kiss on the lips and smiled at her. “There is no need to be sorry little one. Daddy would let you do anything to make you happy. I’m just grateful you haven’t asked me to rob a bank yet. One wiggle of your padded tushy and those puppy dog eyes and I would have no choice but to go out and buy the ski masks.” Emily couldn’t help but giggle at that. She knew it was true. Marcus had never done anything that made her sad. Reason 29 of 249,392 she loved him as much as she did. “I love you so much daddy.” “I love you more then you will ever know baby girl” he punctuated with a kiss on her cheek. “Now, I think a certain girl has some coloring to do. And, of course, we can’t start without this” Marcus said as he popped her pacifier back in her mouth and put the yellow colored pencil back in her hand. A smile showed around the shield of her binky as she gave daddy one last hug and then laid back down, getting ready to color him a masterpiece she was sure would make it on the fridge. “You stay here and color, baby, while daddy heads into the kitchen and bakes us some sweet treats for tomorrow” he announced, making sure to give his baby a couple pats on her Huggies as he left the room. “How did I get so lucky?” Marcus whispered to himself as he make his way into the kitchen. Humming along to “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid as is played through the soundbar, Emily finally finished coloring the sun. “Dat took foweber” she told herself out loud, chuckling a little bit at the toddler talk coming out of her mouth due to her paci. Now came the hard decision: what color should the castle be? She never took these decisions lightly. Looking at the colored pencils in front of her for 30 seconds, she grabbed the grey. Bringing it down to the paper, she thought to herself “No, gray is boring” then threw it back in the pile. A minute passed and still nothing. Since she was stuck, she wondered what color was daddy’s favorite. “Of course, purple!” Emily pulled out the purple and began to color the castle the princess lived in, knowing daddy would absolutely love it. Halfway through her castle, she heard the some end. Slowly, the music ramped up and she immediately knew the song: You’ve got a friend in me from Toy Story. Before she even had a second to think about how much she loved those movies, she felt her body get pulled into the air as daddy picked her up and placed her on his hip. “You’ve got a friend in me!” Marcus sang, holding a whisk up to his mouth as if it was a microphone. Him and his little girl loved this song and always sang it together. After his verse, he put the utensil up to Emily’s face. “You’ve got a friend in me!” She sang back, spitting the paci out of her mouth. She loved this song, but she loved how silly daddy got when he sang it more. While he was silly around her pretty often, this was by far the craziest he got. Bringing the “microphone” back to his mouth, he finished up the verse “When the road looks rough ahead and your miles and miles from your nice, warm bed. Just remember what your old pal said.” Once the part she remembered came back, Emily stuck her face next to the mic and they both sang “boy, you got a friend in me!” Bouncing his baby girl on his hip, Marcus pretended to dance with her as they bounced around the room. He smiled as Emily pretended playing a trumpet and he joined in by playing fake piano with his free hand. These were the moments that both of them loved more than any other. The moments that weren’t planned or thought out. That was what gave their relationship life. It seemed like every moment they were doing something crazy together, their relationship was growing stronger. Once the song faded out, both of them were out of breath. Jumping around the room dancing with a 2 year old is hard work. Before he put her down, Marcus gave his little singing queen a couple pats on her padded tushy. “Daddy has to go check on our treats. Why don’t your finish your coloring?” Before Marcus let her answer, he hustled back into the kitchen and grabbed her half finished bottle from dinner. “Here princess, why don’t your try to finish your ba ba before you finish coloring.” “Otay dada” Emily responded as she put her binky back in her mouth. Once she put her eyes back on her sheet, she noticed the pencil wasn’t where she left it. She figured that makes sense because of all the dancing. She looked for a minute and found it under the couch. “Dhere ou are” she mumbled as she grabbed the purple pencil and went back to work coloring. She worked hard on the princess coloring sheet, making sure to stay in the lines. She always prided herself on her coloring ability and was the most neat out of all of her little friends. She was also careful to listen to daddy and nursed her bottle throughout the coloring process. Once the last drop of milk was nursed from the bottle’s nipple, she used her free hand to color the last part of the princess’ dress. Emily was so happy with her amazing job and she wanted to show Marcus immediately. Due to the thickness of the diaper she was currently sporting, she hopped up and waddled her way into the kitchen. To make sure he saw it as soon as she walked in the entrance, she made sure to hold it out in front of her with her arms extended. Just as Marcus put the lid on the delicious treats he had cooked up for himself and his baby girl tomorrow, he heard a tell tale thumping of feet that told him one thing: his little princess was about excited to show him something. “Daddy! Daddy” she yelled, her pigtails bouncing up and down as she ran “Wook at what i drawed!” Emily was absolutely beaming, and why wouldn’t she be? This might be the best coloring she had ever done. Letting his eyes focus on the princess standing outside the castle, he let a massive smile take over his face. “Oh my goodness, that is amazing baby girl! You are such a good artist! You know what? Why don’t we put this on the fridge so daddy can look at every time he goes to get you nummies and babas?” “Gweat idea” Emily giggled, beaming with pride that daddy thought her drawing was amazing. She toddled her way over to the fridge and grabbed a pink magnet. Of course princess drawings belong to be hung with a pink magnet. Sticking the picture on the fridge, it felt like it might as well be displayed at the Louvre. Her smile only grew when she felt daddy pat her padded bottom a couple times. Diaper pats were her addiction as well as her kryptonite. “Now, daddy has an idea. How about I fill up your baba with some chocolate milk and we go and watch a movie? You have about 2 hours until bed, so I think a movie would be the perfect thing to help you get ready. The only thing we need to do before we watch the movie is get you ready for nite nite time. Is that ok?” Marcus knew that his little baby loved getting ready for bedtime. He was glad because he knew a couple other mommies and daddies who’s little one’s don’t like bedtime nearly as much. “Yay, nite nite time” She cooed with a smile on her face as she hugged daddy. She wanted to watch a movie as well and chocolate milk bottles were her absolute favorite, but she knew what getting ready for bed time meant. “Puff puff dipey!” “Yes baby girl, puff puff dipey time. Before we get you changed though, do you have to go pee pee or make a stinky? I know it’s been a while since you have gone potty and daddy doesn’t want you to be sick.” Marcus knew that Emily wasn’t a huge fan of messing her diapers, but if she was going to be a baby all weekend, poopy diapers were part of the deal. He didn’t love changing poopy diapers, but it made his baby girl happy to mess her diapers sometimes, so he put up with it with a smile. Emily looked down at the floor, her cheeks bright red. “Yeah daddy, I gotta go pee pee and poopy…” her voice trailed off. Her little side was not a huge fan of poopy diapers, but it is what it is. Babies use their diapers. For everything. “Hey sweetie” Marcus knelt down and looked her in the eyes “It’s ok that you need to go poopy. You are a baby and babies make stinky in their diapers. Daddy is not mad at you at all. He just wants to see his baby girl happy and healthy. Now, how about we fill up this dipey before we get you into your puff puff Huggies?” He then picked up the blushing girl, placed her on his hip, and carried her over to the couch.

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Part 3 “Wake up honey.” I hadn’t realised I’d dropped off yet here was mum smiling down and encouraging me to ‘wake up’. “Oh sorry, must have dozed off.” I mumbled an apology. “What time is it?” “It’s not late but,” she patted my padding, which I suddenly grasped I still had on and was wet. “I think we need to sort something else out first.” I looked across at Helen wondering if she’d said anything. She was just smiling and nodding in an encouraging way. Mum’s voice was pleasant, she didn’t appear cross or anything, but I think she could tell I was a bit embarrassed and worried. I was left wondering... I wasn’t sure what to make of this development. However, there was no concealing the fact I was wearing a wet nappy. I wasn’t sure if mum meant me to go down as I was or change and then go down but my thoughts were a little cock-eyed so I thought I’d better get a move on and go as I was. # I arrived at the table where mum, dad, Helen and Paul were already seated. I hung nervously in the doorway not sure what to say or do but dad just smiled and told me to come and take my seat. I did but crinkled as I sat down and was sure someone was going to laugh... in fact they all did but it wasn’t mocking laughter, more a ‘share your joke’ type of thing. “Well son,” dad started, “this is quite a development.” Mum took up the discussion. “You’ve had a terrible few days sweetheart, and we all know it must be very disturbing and, we want to support you in any way we can...” “I’d like to beat the crap out of him...” “I don’t think violence is the answer”. Mum and dad said as one but my brother held his defiance. Mum continued. “We can see it’s had an effect on you.” I wriggled in my thick wet disposable which crinkled softly now I was sat on it. “Mum, dad,” I looked around the table, “there’s, erm, um, more to it than Cuddy and his gang.” I knew this next bit of the conversation was going to be hard but I was desperate to get it out of the way before mum started bringing food to the table. Besides, I’d been thinking about it for some time even if I hadn’t realised it... the dreams? · The dreams had planted a thought. · The dreams had been most definite. · The dreams showed the way. My small, undeveloped penis (my baby dick) was making itself known. The dream in the doctor’s office wasn’t a one off, similar dreams had plagued me for many months, and I just hadn’t grasped what they were trying to say. Meanwhile, as if to make itself more noticeable, my tiny member had been observed and commented on in the gym changing room, had been cartooned in the boy’s toilets, had appeared graphically on my school books and then Cuddy and his mates made sure I knew everyone else knew what they knew - I was a baby pretending to be a teenager. How such a bully knew before I did I’m not sure but one thing was for sure – I didn’t disagree with that assessment? The punches, trips and kicks followed me around, as if I was being told it would only stop when I admitted my failing – Yes, I was a baby pretending to be a teenager. It was as if my willy, my micro-penis, was mocking me for wanting to be anything other than a sweet, loving little baby who needed to wear a nappy rather than a pair of underpants... they were for Big Boys. Cuddy had whispered as much as he and his gang had stripped me and laughingly ripped off my briefs and replaced with a disposable. “There, that’s much more appropriate,” he said through a sly but vicious grin. “That’s what a baby should be wearing.” He couldn’t help but adding to the amusement of his friends. “My baby brother has more of a dick than you... and he’s three months old.” Although the slaps to my belly that followed hurt, now I was wearing a nappy, they didn’t seem to carry the same intensity. I don’t know why but I think it was the group all taking shots of me with their phones that upset me the most. As it turned out, I was right to be worried about those photos. # My family looked on as I searched for the correct words. I wriggled in my soaked nappy thinking... this is what I deserve, this is who I am... this is... this is... I couldn’t finish my thoughts as, without any help from me, more warm golden pee flowed in to my nappy as if to confirm everything I was thinking. “Errrr, erm... I’ve always been the baby of the family.” There were smiles of acknowledgement from everyone, “but sometimes I feel...” there was a pause before I could go on. “I want it to stay that way.” I’d come this far but was now lost for words as to where to go with my whispered confession. “Is that why you’re wearing the nappy?” It was dad’s voice but surprisingly he didn’t sound angry like I’d expected. I nodded shame-faced. I couldn’t look at anyone now and cast my eyes down to the saggy bulge I was sitting in - at that moment it was most unappealing. After a moment’s silence Paul piped up in a soothing voice. “Should we treat you differently?” “Do you need us to treat you more as a grown-up... have we all been treating you as our little boy too much?” This was mum’s enquiry. “Mum, Dad,” Helen had the room and looked across at Paul, “I don’t think it’s any of that. I think Mikey likes the way we treat him but wants... more of...erm, ummm, how it used to be.” There was silence around the table as her words were digested. I didn’t dare break the silence but thought it was up to me to say or do something. “Mum, dad,” I looked to my brother and sister, “I like wearing nappies... they make me feel... loved... safe.” “Ohh sweetheart,” mum soothed, “we love you loads...” “Yes I know,” I interrupted, “I love you all as well but, well, a nappy adds... I can’t explain it but, erm, um, I just like the feeling it gives me.” I now couldn’t look at any of my family I was wondering if they thought I was mad. It was dad who spoke next and his response surprised me. “Mikey, you’ll always be the baby of the family,” he grinned, “there’s no way out of ever being anything but the youngest. We are a family who likes, loves and supports each other all the time. Your mother and I only want the best for our kids.” He looked around the table. “But, and this is perhaps paramount... we want you all to be happy and... providing it hurts no one else, family or otherwise, you’ll always get our backing.” He looked to mum for agreement. “If wearing nappies in some way makes your life better... we’d rather you lived it openly and happily rather than being secretive and ashamed... so... if it’s what you want... what you need... then back to nappies it is for our little boy.” I was shocked at how dad reacted and I daren’t look to see how the others had but then there was going to be a lot of discussion, chat and no doubt disagreement over the next few days. How was this going to work? Mum must have read my mind. “Okay, before we get into the whys and wherefores... let’s eat.” # The meal started off in a subdued mood. I wasn’t sure what to say and I’m not sure anyone else did either. I was very aware of the tiniest movement I made there was a crinkle and squishy noise, which eventually brought the first ‘baby’ comment from Paul. “Would you like me to cut that up for you?” I could see he was gauging the reaction of the family. I wasn’t struggling with the rather nice cheese and courgette pasta mum had made so I just grinned back. There was definitely some uneasiness around the table but Paul just looked up and said “What?” He then continued. “If we don’t know the parameters, how can we deal with what Mikey wants? So, did you find me asking that question funny or demeaning?” He was addressing me so I just grinned sheepishly and said “Funny.” “Good because that’s how it was intended. I love my little brother and I don’t want to subject him to any aggravation but I’m not sure how far we... sorry... he wants us to go.” This was what was needed and over the meal we spent a lot of time discussing just how much of a baby I wanted to be. Mum and dad both said I’d still have to go to school as that was the law but, if I wanted to wear a nappy under my uniform... that was fine. It felt really strange sitting at the table eating and chatting whilst squishing around in my soaked nappy but I suppose there was a lot to discuss. I think my sogginess had all but been forgotten as the various subjects were brought up... # “Wake up honey.” I hadn’t realised I’d dropped off yet here was mum looking down and encouraging me to ‘wake up’. “Oh sorry, must have dozed off.” I mumbled an apology. “What time is it?” “It’s not late but...” she patted my padding, which I suddenly grasped I still had on and was wet... and I was still in bed. Oh no! I thought. I’d just dreamed my situation. Nothing has been resolved, my family aren’t on-board with my desire and I’m wearing a particularly soggy nappy which, looking up at mum, she’s none too pleased about. “Mum, erm...” “Downstairs now.” She ordered. “But I’m wet... I...” “Downstairs now and be quick about it... and... just as you are.” “But, but, but...” “No buts... NOW.” # Reluctantly, and now a little scared, I dragged myself from my nice warm bed but in so doing, noticed the bed sheets were a little damp. The sogginess of my nappy made it drag down my pyjama bottoms, I didn’t want to be seen like this but mum’s tone told me not to disobey her instructions. Holding my saggy nappy up with one hand I ventured down stairs and into the kitchen where the family were gathered for the evening meal. I stood at the kitchen door feeling very conspicuous... this was not the way I wanted to introduce me and nappies to the family. To begin with I don’t think dad or Paul had any idea what was up. Helen of course was well abreast of my feelings and mum was simply confused by them. So, it was with extreme embarrassment I saw realisation dawning on the male members of the family. “Are you wearing (sniff) a wet nappy,” Paul asked slightly incredulous. Shamefully I nodded. “Has that twat Cuddy made you do it again? I’ll swing for that bastard...” “Now, now... let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Mum was warning Paul but looking at me. “There may well be a rational explanation for all... this.” The expectation around the table was unmistakable, then I realised they were waiting for me to say something. I wriggled uneasily in my squelchy nappy and thought I’d tell them about my day. “Because the entire school is now aware of me being forced in to a nappy...” “Thanks to that bastard...” Paul was silenced by a look from mum. “My school ‘friends’,” I did the universal ‘air quotation marks’ as I spoke the word friends, “my locker and everywhere I go is decorated with baby stuff.” I looked around to see what impression my words were making but I hadn’t got to the good bit yet; why I was wearing a wet nappy? “Anyway, not only were their words reminding me of my small penis... erm... they’d left nappies and stuff around... and seemed hell-bent on getting me to wear them.” It was awful having to confess the next bit. “So, I brought all the stuff they’d left in my locker and around the place home and thought I’d do just that.” “Ohh Mikey...” Mum seemed to have some sympathy. # Because in my dreams my parents had been at the doctor’s office and knew about the ‘micro penis' thing and according to him was a sign of wanting to be a baby I thought they already knew about my worries. Of course they had no idea what I was talking about, or how effected I was by the dream... and then by Cuddy... and then by everyone else at school getting in on the act. “The thing is... with them all telling me it’s what I should be wearing, (Baby Dick has become a school chant when I’m around) and, er, ummm, some dreams I’ve been having for quite some time...” Now it was confession time. “It didn’t seem a strange thing for them to expect because, well, I’d already considered I should.” “What dreams, what..?” Dad wasn’t sure of any of this. However, I noticed Helen and she looked like she was approving of my continued account. This wasn’t going as well as I’d dreamt so I decided to explain to the rest of the family exactly as I’d told Helen earlier... about feeling little. # Thankfully, the meal hadn’t been served and they listened to my ramblings with the occasional nod, cough and associated question. For the benefit of Paul I explained that although Cuddy’s attack had been awful, the disposable with Baby Dick written on it was the least of what worried me. In fact, my small penis, which everyone around the table tried to assure me was only temporary, or might grow eventually, was the catalyst to all my doubts and fears and I was trying to understand (or make excuses) for the way I felt. After I’d finished and looked around at my family I couldn’t read anyone’s opinion apart from Helen’s, her comforting hand was touching mine. “So, you think you’re little so therefore you want to be treated as little, a toddler, a...” Mum ran out words as to exactly what she thought. Dad tried. “So, I’m not sure what you expect from us all. Personally, if you want to wear a nappy that’s up to you but, and this is a big but,” Paul couldn’t help himself and sniggered at the thought of a big butt, “it’s going to be a lot of work on your part.” I liked the way dad was speaking... well to begin with at least. “Firstly; if you do decide to wear nappies, then they will be your responsibilities. I don’t see why your mum, or the rest of us, needs to be involved in changing or washing extra dirty linen.” This wasn’t what I wanted, I didn’t want any responsibilities but when I thought about it, why should everyone else give in to my strange desires? I had expected mum to wash my dirty fabric nappies and hang them out to dry and keep a supply coming. I had expected her to rinse through my plastic pants and... “I can just about understand why you want what you want,” mum was saying, “but we want you to be the thirteen year old you are not a soggy little toddler.” She said the last bit with a pleasant smile. “You may be growing up slower than you feel you should but, you are growing up and I’d hate to think we held back your development for even one second.” I don’t know why I’d just assumed everyone would be on-board with my nappy desire but this discussion was making me think; what exactly did I want out of this and was it something I could do myself? # As we sat, ate and discussed the subject the saggy disposable began to slightly irritate me. I wriggled around trying to get comfortable. Thankfully mum noticed and asked if I might be getting a nappy rash. She’d finished eating (I had a while back) and suggested we go up, check and get changed, she wanted to see how I coped if I was left to my own devices. The disposable was very wet and had become a bit lumpy in parts so I was glad to get rid of it. Mum sat on the bed watching as I removed it then inspected the damp area to see if I had in fact got a rash – I had. She pointed out the red area and explained about why having urine next to my skin, without protection, could be a problem. She went off and returned with a warm wash cloth and tubes of something I wasn’t sure of. Once I’d been cleansed to her satisfaction she went on about the various advantages to certain creams, lotions and powders and all the time I was just standing in front of her naked. I don’t think I’d spent so much time bare, certainly not recently or in front of mum, as she pointed out the areas I had to be meticulous about. She then squirted some stuff from a tube onto her fingers and began to thoroughly rub it into the slightly inflamed areas. She’d also brought a tub of Vaseline and applied a thick coating of that all around explaining why this was beneficial if I was wearing a nappy. I suddenly felt myself slipping back to when this was normal. Mum explaining things whilst I got my nappy changed. Despite her saying she wanted me to grow up naturally, at that moment I felt like the little boy I wanted to be – I hugged her tightly and started to cry. “Ohh... poor baby,” she whispered soothingly in my ear as she patted my sticky naked bottom. “I know it’s been a hell of a time for you recently. I’m not sure if wearing a nappy will be useful but... if you think you need it... let’s get you in one.” I think she thought my tears were because I was upset but in fact they were tears of joy because of the way I felt. Mum was giving me exactly what I wanted and even if it was only going to last this once, I was grateful to mum for her love. I hugged and kissed her cheek in thanks. # I am an affectionate little tyke but I think it took mum by surprise just how intense my feelings were. I watched excitedly as she fluffed out the disposable and checked she had it the right way round. By the time she’d finally tightened the tapes together on one of my ‘gifted’ disposables I was smiling like toddler with a new toy. The pyjamas I had been wearing were soaked and she was obviously looking around for further protection. “Do you have any plastic panties sweetie?” I explained about Helen taking stuff to be washed, so she told me to stay as I was and she’d be back in a moment. She returned carrying the plastic pants. “She hadn’t got around to washing these yet...” she pulled them up over my nappy, “but I think there’s less chance of leakage if for tonight at least we keep you safe and water tight.” It felt strange. What I mean is that mum putting me in a disposable and being so attentive, it felt right and I was very comfortable. The plastic pants gripped tightly and glowed in the daylight as they strained to cover the thick material. “Ohhh you’ll need some other plastic pants love... these are too tight they’ll cut off your circulation.” Although they looked good I had to agree that they were pinching my legs and waist and I was glad when she eased them off. “For tonight you’ll just have to make do with wearing a...” She obviously had another idea and went to the bathroom and returned with a small hand towel. She folded it to make extra padding then slipped it in the disposable and re-taped me in. The padding was huge and it was early yet so I’d have to wear only this massive bundle until bedtime. I suppose I couldn’t complain, having asked to be treated as a toddler to then be treated as a toddler. “That should prevent too many leaks for tonight at least. I’ll get you some plastic panties for tomorrow night.” “Thanks mum.” I whispered as I pecked her cheek. Once I was in a clean and fresh nappy, and even though it was quite bulky, I did feel an awful lot more contented. I wondered around the house as I was and got smiles from Big Bro and Sis and a shrug from dad, he still wasn’t too sure what to make of my sudden yearning. However, by the time bedtime did come around, so had dad. In fact, it was he who came up and chatted and tucked me in and no mention was made of my nappy being strange... it was just a normal family night. #tbc#

Assuming that I was not overcome by His Glory, I'd thank Him for this wonderful world that we don't deserve to live in.

Click on your name in the top right and the at the bottom of the list of options should be "Sign Out"

Hey folks. I know it's been a very long time since I've posted anything. To be honest, I haven't written much in quite some time. My music hobby has taken over my creative outlet. Still, I remember there was the great "purge" here that wiped a lot of stuff clean, including my novel, "I, Infantilist." For those of you who don't remember, I actually published this book on Amazon, with the title "What it is to be John Morrow", available here. I figure I'll re-post some of it here in small chunks, just to see how folks like it. It's more or less going to be for the newer members to check out. I'll be upfront: this is not your typical ABDL story. The lifestyle is just a catalyst, and this takes a deeper look at the humanistic element of the lifestyle; the struggles, the self-hate, the secrecy, the fear. Still, I'll post a little bit here and there, or if you're impatient, you can buy a copy. Anyway, here goes. Chapter 1 Some people turn to cigarettes to relieve stress. Some open a bottle of alcohol and chug away. Some scream, or punch walls, or take drugs, both legal and illegal. But not me. I don’t do any of those things. I’ve found my ultimate stress reliever. No, it’s not boxing or working out (though I need to work out for my job as a bouncer). You see, to relive stress, I turn to diapers. Yeah, I said it, and yes, you’re reading that correctly. Diapers. Run off, turn your head in disgust, tell yourself I’m a sick bastard who has problems…I’ve heard it all before. I’ve been in groups where people randomly got into the topic of infantilism/diaper wearing and nearly began a hate group because they were so appalled by the lifestyle, while I had to keep my mouth shut to avoid any problems. So go on and get out of here if you wish. It’ll show your arrogance and failure to understand. Still, if I’ve intrigued you thus far, then perhaps you’d be interested in my story! By acts of God, or fate, or what have you, I found the girl who loves me for me, including my odd wish to be babied sometimes. I could go into how much I love this woman, and how fortunate I am to have her, but I wish to tell you of the turn of events that led up to me finding her, as well as finding myself, because that’ll make this all the more interesting. I promise I won’t bore you, so if you’re ready, let’s take a trip into yesteryear! Ah, but allow me to introduce myself first! My name is Jonathon Morrow, but you can just call me John. I’m currently 22 years of age and work as a bouncer in a night club. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’m kind of in the process of looking for a better job right now. Hey, the economy’s rough these days! And as mentioned before, I am an infantilist. If you don’t know what that is, just look at the first six letters in the word and you should get the picture. You might be wondering when I discovered my little quirk (you can say infantilism is normal if you’d like, but I still feel that since it isn’t widely accepted by society that it isn’t exactly something you see every day). Well anyway, I remember having the fascination with being diapered back when I was five years old! Long time ago, huh? I watched some cartoon where this girl would baby absolutely every cartoon character she’d come into contact with. From burping to putting the characters on a changing table and changing their diapers, this girl was really into her babying, and I became jealous rather quickly, though I couldn’t explain why. I’d been potty trained for two or three years at that time, so why on Earth would I want to do something so unheard of? Why would I wish to be treated as helpless as an infant again, especially when I was so independent at my young age? The questions still linger today. No, I didn’t ever try wearing diapers or asking my parents if I could be a baby again, because I knew they’d be upset, and it was just plain weird. I remember this desire stuck with me for a few years. Any cartoon that had some form of a character being put into or putting someone else in a diaper and being treated like an infant captivated me. I suppose I could blame television for my quirk, and for a while I did, but I knew there was more to it than that. I remember I kept on telling myself that wanting to be treated that way was wrong and that my parents would probably never speak to me again if they found out, so I suppressed the feeling for seven long years. Yeah, long time, huh? I know now that it was a stupid and unhealthy thing to do, but hey, it worked for quite a while! All of those feelings were lost. I no longer wanted to even associate myself with anything babyish, even when my mom started doing daycare. I was living what I thought was the normal life; hanging out with friends, keeping my grades up in school, riding my awesome BMX bike, and of course getting into some trouble in town. One time we set up traffic cones on the bridge at night and made drivers think that there was a detour…boy did they get pissed! I didn’t think the cops would come so quickly that night. Jeez, you’d think they were responding to a robbery or something! But anyway, life was great! Then, things changed. Drastically. Like a person having a sudden recovery from amnesia, my desires and thoughts came back in full swing! I remember what triggered it, though. I was in ninth grade, and we had this stupid Home-Ec class we were forced to take. I’d say the only thing I enjoyed in the class was baking, mostly because I got to eat the food I made. Well, sometime during the winter months, we had to do a babysitting course in our class. Now I for one dislike children. Kind of ironic, eh? I like to act like an infant sometimes, yet I don’t like actual children in any way! We had to watch this God-awful video with some thirty year old dude telling us how to baby-sit and take care of kids. I don’t remember much of the video, mostly because I was busy doodling in my notebook, but I overheard some of my classmates talking about how ridiculous the video was. Of course, some of the females were more focused on the damned presentation than life itself. I suppose they needed to be, though, since most of them were going to be competing to get the best babysitting jobs around. After the seemingly eternal video ended, my instructor had us get into groups of four so we could “practice” some of what we learned from the video on “life-like infants”, life-like being a flimsy doll that made Cabbage Patch dolls look like artistic sculptures. I didn’t have too many friends in that particular class, but I was fairly close with the females during high school, so I teamed up with three girls, Brittany, Jess, and Marie. All three girls shared lockers near mine, so we talked on a daily basis…well, more like they talked and I listened, but I guess that’s what made them like me so much. Our instructor walked over with a basket full of things, including the doll. “Now class, I want you all to participate since that is a part of your grade! Remember what you’ve learned from the video, and make sure you cover all of the things listed on the piece of paper in your basket! And most importantly, have fun!” The doll’s head stuck out of the basket, looking at the four of us as our instructor walked off. We rummaged through the items in the basket and pulled them out carefully. Within moments we had diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, a changing mat, a baby blanket, and an empty baby bottle strewn across the table. Since I was a neat freak I organized all of the items, causing the girls to joke around with me. “Practicing for the Marines, John?” Marie snickered. “Sir, yes sir!” This got a laugh out of everyone in our group. Finally, Brittany picked up the doll, who was wearing a blue onesie and a small cap. “Aw, it’s a baby boy!” she laughed. “What a cute widdle baby!” We all looked at Brittany with raised eyebrows. “What? She said to have fun with it, and I need a good grade!” “Hmm, she might be right. Maybe we should all pretend as if it were a real baby!” Jess chimed in. “You can count me out! I’ll help and stuff, but no thanks on the babytalk!” I said with a laugh. “Oh, come on, John!” Marie giggled. “Not much into the babysitting I take it?” “Not one bit!” “That’s okay! You can miss out on the fun!” Brittany said. “Don’t mind if I do!” With that, we were on our way to babysitting a non-living baby. I didn’t mind how quiet the doll was, mostly because whenever I think of kids I think of the screaming, bratty ones. A shame not all kids were that quiet! The checklist went as follows: --Holding the baby --Feeding and burping --Checking and changing the baby’s diaper --Placing the baby in the crib “Okay, who wants to hold the baby first?” Brittany asked. “Well, you’re technically holding him first, but I’ll give it a go.” I volunteered. Brittany nodded and gently handed the doll over to me. Like I’d learned from the video, I gently held the doll in a cradling position and soon felt extremely stupid. “You’re a natural, John! That’s perfect! Here, now I’ll try!” Jess said excitedly. “Yeah, yeah. Here you go.” I carefully handed the doll over to Jess, who took it with a wide smile. “Aw, hey there widdle baby! Gootchie goo! Jess is here! It’s okay!” Jess cooed. Soon after, all three girls joined in on the “fun”, each one hovering over the doll as if it were a real infant, tickling it under its chin and nuzzling its stomach with their noses. My heart rate quickened in an instant. The old cartoons and diaper commercials I’d watched played through my head all at once. The sight of these girls giving this doll all of their affection and love almost brought me to my knees. I so wanted to look away and cover my ears, but…I couldn’t. I gulped for air and acted like I was unfazed by their actions. After the doll was passed around, Jess took the baby bottle off of the table and handed it to Brittany. “Time for your baba, baby waby!” Brittany pretended to insert the bottle into the doll’s mouth, cooing and gently cradling the doll. My face burned with embarrassment as I felt like I shouldn’t have been attracted to that sort of thing. Once Brittany finished “feeding” our doll, she gently placed its head over her shoulder and patted its back and diapered butt. “Burpy time!” “Aww, how cute!” Jess cooed as she eagerly waited for her turn. “John, are you okay? Your face is red!” Marie asked. “Ohh, maybe John has gas! Need to be burped, John?” Brittany jokingly said. The room fell deathly silent, and time itself had come to a crawl. No! She did not just say that! No way! What do I do?! Think, John! Think! I pretended to cough violently, lowering my head so nobody could see my eyes. Marie patted my back in an effort to help me, but I soon acted like I recovered and grabbed a drink from the sink. “Sorry for the scare, girls! Air must have gone down the wrong pipe! Oh, and no, I don’t need to be burped, Brittany.” I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed. Our group chuckled a bit as we took turns feeding and burping our doll, and we were soon onto the next phase. The phase that I desired the most. The phase that I soon hated, mostly because there were three females in my group who made sure our doll felt like a real infant: the checking and changing of the diaper. Eight diapers lay neatly stacked on the table next to the powder, wipes, and changing mat. I was sure that I’d die at any moment, but God apparently wanted me to endure this. “Oh, the best part! Haha!” Jess exclaimed. “I tink I smell a dirty dydee!” Oh my God… “Aw, hims dydee needs changing, doesn’t it? Oh yes it does!” Marie cooed as she lifted the doll underneath its armpits and pretended to sniff its diaper. Oh…my…God…just like from the cartoon! Gah! “Well then let’s lay dis widdly baby on his changing mat and check to make sure!” Brittany spoke softly. The girls encircled the table as Marie laid the doll down onto the changing mat. Jess and Brittany both unsnapped the onesie and carefully lifted it, exposing the doll’s puffy white diaper. Jess then continued to check the baby’s diaper by gently placing her fingers under the left leg. “Aw, baby’s wet!” she cooed. “Who wants to change him first?” “I-I’ll do it!” I quickly answered. “Wow, John! For someone who doesn’t like babysitting, I’m surprised you volunteered to go first!” Brittany laughed. “I just want to get it over with!” Okay, John. Deep breaths. Don’t make it obvious that you’re eyeing the diapers and baby stuff! Just do this and you’re home free! I carefully un-taped the doll’s diaper on both sides, then lifted the doll’s legs into the air and continued the process that the video had taught us to do. From wiping and powdering to placing the new diaper under the doll, I managed to finish in under a minute. My three partners all were shocked to see just how quickly but expertly I was able to diaper the doll. “Too bad real babies aren’t this quiet and still!” I joked. “Aw, most little infants are! It’s when they get older when changing their diapers is a pain! Toddlers always have that tendency to run around naked…ugh, just the thought of having to change my two year old cousin makes me cringe.” Jess said. “But not this widdle baby! Noooo, dis widdle man is so good for his babysitters! Now it’s my turn to change hims dydee!” I moved over and tried my hardest to look away as the three girls continued to giggle and enjoy their make-believe session, but something inside just wouldn’t let me for more than a few seconds. I felt as though I had to look! Jess removed the doll’s diaper just as I did, but she did so in a much gentler way, carefully grabbing the front of the diaper while lifting the doll’s legs and sliding the white hourglass-shaped piece of plastic out from under. “Who’s a good widdle baby! You are! Yes you are!” Jess was relentless! “Jess, you do realize it’s not real, right?” I asked. “Aw, I know! It’s fun to pretend, though! Isn’t it, girls?” Brittany and Marie nodded their heads as they both joined in on the ultimate cooing and babying experience. As for me, I wanted to die inside. Not because I didn’t like what I was seeing, but because I thought that my heart would burst from what I was witnessing. Jess grabbed a few baby wipes from the tub and slowly started wiping the doll all around its diaper area, even making sure to get just below its belly button and just above its knees. “You girls mind holding this widdle baby’s legs up for me while I wipe his bottom?” she asked. “Ohh, it’ll be my pleasure!” Brittany gently raised the doll’s legs up while Jess went to work. Next came the powder, its babyish scent forcing its way into my nostrils, making me blush. Jess continued to coo the doll as if it were her own baby, mentioning something about not wanting the doll to get “dydee rash.” Finally, she grabbed a fresh diaper from the stack and opened it slowly. “Oh yes! It’s diaper time! Nice fwesh dydee for this widdle baby!” Shoot me now! Please! How do they not suspect anything about me? It’s like they know I’m into this! But why am I? Just think about something else…that’s it! Yeah! How about that assignment that’s due tomorrow? Jess had Brittany lift the doll’s legs up once more so she could place the new diaper where it belonged. Before Brittany lowered the doll’s legs, Jess took the baby powder and sprinkled more into the seat of the diaper, making the aroma overpower every other smell in the room. “Hehe, I learned that trick when my cousin came over!” she laughed as she taped up both sides of the diaper nice and snug. “There you go, baby!” I looked at the clock in my worried state of mind; class wasn’t over for another ten minutes, meaning I had to sit through two more diaper change sessions, complete with cooing and babying. There was no way I could handle both, so I told the girls that I had to use the bathroom and I would return shortly. “Well, these diapers are like portable bathrooms, John! Use one of these!” Marie laughed as she held one of the baby diapers up. Just turn around and head out the door, John! Don’t look back so she doesn’t see your face! “Oh yes. Very funny!” I chuckled. “Come on, we’ll even change you!” Brittany joined in. Were these girls reading my thoughts? I thought I’d collapse right then and there from the intensity! For a second I was afraid that they’d follow me out the door with the diapers and actually put them on me, and I panicked. If they did such a thing, I’d be the laughingstock of the school! I’d be totally humiliated and embarrassed, and then my secret would be out! My breaths grew short once again. “I’m sure you’d like that!” I looked over my shoulder briefly as I walked out the door. The girls all laughed and talked about how funny I was as I headed down the hall towards the bathroom. I knew I wasn’t smiling, because I could feel my lips shaking. Once I entered the bathroom, I walked into one of the stalls, locked the door, and closed my eyes to try to block out what I’d just seen. It was the most wonderful thing, yet I was so afraid of it. It made me wonder if that’s how people reacted when they died and saw God. Maybe seeing heaven was so great that people became worried because they were uncertain of their feelings. Sure, these were two completely separate things, but at the time I sure as hell felt that the comparison was dead-on! This is just great! Out of the blue! I haven’t thought about this for almost ten years! Why now, God?! Why? Don’t make me like this now! Nobody would understand! No…they will never understand! They can’t! They’ll call me a freak and single me out! I’m a teen! I can’t like this kind of thing! If anyone finds out, I’ll lose it! I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. At that very moment, I knew I was different, but I vowed to never tell another soul. I would take my desire to the grave with me no matter what. Nobody would know except for me and God. I chose to bear the burden that day, keeping the weight in my chest for another extended period of time. However, I would eventually find out that trying to suppress such an important part of my life would be the stupidest and most unhealthy thing to do. Chapter 2 For a while I had kept my wish to be babied on the back shelf of my brain, but I couldn’t keep the feeling at bay for too long. I remember during the last year of high school I was heavily addicted to online multiplayer games. No, not the flashy three-dimensional ones where you save the world and play as other creatures. I was into the simple text games like “Fridge Magnets” and “Alphabeats”. It was here that I’d made a small handful of online friends, and thanks to technology today, it wasn’t long before I was messaging and emailing them. We’d share pictures, talk about how much we hated school, and even joke around. Call me a nerd, but some of my better friends throughout high school were made over these simple game sites. So how does this relate to my story? Well, I guess you could say that I have a way with words when it comes to getting what I want, and my fear of saying them greatly decreases when I’m behind a computer screen. A coward’s way out to some, but to me, it was just another way of expressing myself freely without fear of judgment! Besides, these friends of mine would probably never wind up seeing me in person, mostly because they lived halfway across the country! Anyway, I remember for a month or so, my “Fridge Magnets” friend Jill and I would stay up rather late so we could talk about whatever we wanted. Jill was in a time zone that was two hours behind mine, so my midnight was her ten o’ clock. Well, whenever I’d tell Jill that I was tired, she’d simply tell me that I was a baby, or a “sleepy baby” as she liked to call me. I didn’t really do much at first, but then I came up with an idea: I would agree with her and see what would develop! There was a risk that she’d get weirded out, but what’s life without taking some risks? So, here’s what some of our conversation looked like, and I keep this because it’s important to me: Me: *yawns* I have to go to bed soon. Jill: Aw, you baby! You’re always tired at this time! Me: I know. What can I say? Jill: You can just say you’re a baby and get it over with! Haha! Now, I know that this was simply words, but you have to understand that Jill and I had become quite good online friends, and we’d even called each other occasionally, so as soon as I read what she wrote, I couldn’t resist! A smirk went across my face almost instantly. Me: Fine…I’m a baby ? Jill: Ha! I knew it! Lol Me: Oh yes! I drink from bottles and wear diapers! *rolls eyes* Jill: Aw do you? That’d be cute! Me: Haha I bet it would! Next thing I know you’re gonna ask to feed me and take care of me! Jill: I’d do it! Just because you’re a sleepy baby! It’s make it or break it, John! Me: Well, be my guest! Then, it began. Jill: Okay then! *picks you up and carries you to the changing table and lays you down on it slowly* diaper time for you! *changes you into a fresh diapie and then picks you up and carries you into the kitchen* My jaw just about dropped, but I wasn’t about to let that ruin the moment. For once I felt warm inside about this feeling, and nothing could stop me from smiling! This was a mere taste of what I’d wished for! Me: Thanks for the diaper! Haha. Jill: Hehe you’re welcome, baby! Now it’s time for your baba! *gets your bottle and then carries you into the living room and feeds you your baba* drink up! Me: *smiles and drinks the bottle* mmm tasty! Haha *drinks it until it’s all gone* Jill: Good baby! Haha. *picks you up and burps you* My dream coming true. My dream, just a computer screen away from being the real thing. Simple words on a screen, making me nothing but happy. Me: *lets out a few burps for you and sighs* Jill: Awww! How cute! *sticks a pacifier in your mouth and then cradles you until you start to fall asleep* Time for beddy Me: Haha thanks! *sucks on the pacifier and slowly falls asleep while being cradled* Jill: Aw. *kisses your forehead and puts you in your crib* Goodnight baby! Haha. Me: Haha goodnight! I’ll talk to you later, Jill! That night I was overcome with an extreme feeling of bliss. Here was my friend, completely joking around with me about this whole baby thing, and she seemed to be enjoying it herself! I knew that sooner or later I’d have to tell her that I liked this kind of thing, because a part of me felt that if I started to like it too much, then I’d have felt like she was being used, and that’s never a way to treat somebody. However, this little “baby time” as I liked to call it went on every other week or so, and Jill didn’t mind one bit! Sometimes she’d even start the whole thing—this girl was exactly the kind of person I was looking for! But…what if she found out I liked this kind of thing? Then what? Maybe she’d call me a freak and never speak to me again? Perhaps she’d make fun of me and end our friendship. And if my parents ever found out…then what? What if they saw my conversations? Sure, the computer was in my room, but there was still that risk. As if these thoughts weren’t enough, I then thought about why I liked this kind of thing, and whether or not there were more people who were into it as well. I also started thinking about how much of a freak I must have been, and how nobody would ever accept what I was into if they found out. Weeks passed by as swiftly as the wind, and Jill and I continued to build on our friendship. Some chatting, some more sharing of our ambitions and plans, and of course, some babying . Things went smoothly for the longest time until that night my parents and I were watching “Ultimate Sleuths”. I remember the episode oh so vividly, even though I haven’t watched it since that fateful night. Like a surprise kick to the stomach, the episode involved the murder of a man who just happened to be into the same exact thing that I was: being babied and sometimes wearing diapers! For some reason my parents never changed the channel, and I didn’t want to arouse any suspicions by leaving the room, so I swallowed hard and remained on the couch. The episode played on, showing some flashbacks of the man being treated just like an infant by an extremely beautiful woman who was half his age. Near the end of the show, the woman confessed to killing the man, then spoke about how he was an infantilist. Infantilist? What? The word sounded like a foreign language to my ears, though the first two syllables rang a bell almost immediately. I lodged the word into my brain and became excited. Was this the word that was used to describe people like me? And if this show was depicting a man who was into this kind of thing, did that mean that this “infantilism” was more widely accepted by society than I’d hoped? I just had to find out! Once the show ended, the bombshell was finally dropped. “That’s sick! I can’t believe there are people who are into that!” my mother said in disgust. “You’re telling me! The world could definitely do without those kinds of people!” my dad laughed. “Bunch of sick minded bastards. They should lock those people up and throw away the key!” I couldn’t shake off what I’d just heard. My parents who loved me so dearly, who taught me all about accepting others for who they were, who told me they’d love me no matter what, hated people like me…hated me. I couldn’t help it if I was an “infantilist” as the show called it! Part of me wished to stand up for myself, but my fear of being disowned and shunned got the best of me. I pretended to ignore their comment and told them that I was tired and was going to bed. In under a minute I was in my room with the door shut and locked, and lowered my head in shame. They can never know now. Nobody can know. They’ll hate me. I must keep this a secret. This…is mine. My dark secret. I remember I couldn’t sleep that night, so I logged back onto my computer with a frown on my face and went to a search engine site. The first word I typed in? “Infantilist.” My God, there were a lot of results! Easily over 70,000! Most of them appeared to be pornographic sites which I wasn’t into, but there were a few I found that seemed legit. The sites had forums, explanations of infantilism, and stories, all of which piqued my interest. I was glued to my screen for another two hours, soaking in all of the information I could find. It appeared to me that there were a variety of reasons as to why people were into diaper wearing and being babied. Apparently some people had been abused as children, and acting in a babyish way was a means for them to get better. Others wore diapers because they became aroused. Some just wore them and acted like babies for fun. And finally, the one that I decided to put myself under: a way to relieve stress. Some people explained that their lives were full of demanding jobs and mean people, and being a baby and/or wearing diapers made them forget about the harsh reality called life. I was intrigued! That sense of being cared for and loved by somebody (for me, it was obviously a female) had the ability to absolve all stress and actually bring forth positive feelings! And even better was the fact that there were thousands of people who were into the same thing! As I moved through the forums, I noticed something a lot of them had done that I hadn’t dared to try yet: wearing a diaper. I wasn’t sure that I was in fact into the whole infantilism scene, but the only way for me to be sure would have been to try wearing an actual diaper. Not exactly something I could just get up and do. Ah well. Sooner or later I’ll try it! Something will come up I’m sure. I then browsed through the various story sites that had been posted. Some of these stories I absolutely fell in love with! I was able to connect and relate to these fictional characters and was awestruck by just how well-written the stories were. Then, there were some of those other stories…eh, I don’t like talking about them. This was something in which my significant other (when I got one, anyway) would have to be willing to participate in while also making sure not to make fun of me in any way, as this was a very sensitive thing to me, and sort of still is today. Anyway, by the end of the night (or early morning, depending on how you look at it), I felt that I’d found enough information to answer some of the questions I had. Still remembering what my parents had said, I vowed to never let them or anyone else find out about my quirk, but that meant that I had to cover all of my tracks. My first step was to make sure that any files that I saved onto my computer would be placed in folders that were within folders, that were within more folders, all with silly names to detract attention; a maze in which nobody would wish to finish. Additionally, I left a small note on my computer monitor that said, “clear history!” I felt confident that my plan would work, and to tell you the truth, it did! As for the trying out a diaper…no luck. I didn’t have the guts at the time. I’d have to either wait until summer when both of my parents were at work all day, or worse, wait until college…a whole two and a half months! Then I thought about the risks involved with trying them in the summer. My friends might see me purchasing them. If I ordered some online, then the package might not have come in until a Saturday when both of my parents were home. Someone would walk in on me. As fake as the stories I’d read were, they still helped to increase my fear of being caught and humiliated. I decided at that time to wait until college. You might be thinking that it wouldn’t have worked since I had to share a dorm, but you’ll just have to wait and see!

Yes, thank you! What a wonderful addition to this community highlighting many of the highs and lows that we all experience in our own way.

Baby 991, try this link http://btmbox.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-switch-in-time.html you might also find other stories of interest there as well

Hey everyone, Sorry it took so long to get this one ready-- as I mentioned before, I'm coming of a long and difficult couple of weeks at work. But I've got a little time off now and things should be back to normal at work, so hopefully I can get all caught up on everything now. Thanks to everyone who's left comments so far... please keep them coming if you want to see more stories like this in the future! If you're a member of the Audience Participation Tier on Patreon then don't forget to click here to take the poll and help decide what happens next in the story. In the playpen, Monica and Ashley watched Becky staring into the mirror and weeping at the sight of her new haircut, sobbing disbelievingly at the sight of her bald and gleaming scalp. The pair peered at the scene from between the bars, cowering in fear, preying that they wouldn’t be the next ones to lose their precious, glossy locks. In particular, Monica felt the cold shiver of terror inside her. Her former rival still hadn’t forgiven her for standing in the way of her pet project, and Ms. Simmons never seemed to miss an opportunity to heap humiliation on poor Monica. Cold fear gripped her belly, making her bowels rumble. Unbeknownst to Monica and Ashley, part of the subliminal training they were receiving enhanced and exacerbated the physical effects of emotions such as fear or stress, specifically to their bladder and bowels. As a result, a high stress situation or sudden shock or period of prolonged anxiety increased the odds of the girls losing control of their bowels or bladder. Monica had already doused her diaper while she was watching the haircut, her pampers growing wet and heavy between her thighs before she’d even noticed. Now, watching Becky bawl her eyes out as she inspected her new infantile haircut, Monica was dimly aware of an uncomfortable feeling building in her guts in time with her apprehension. Her bowels suddenly roared to life inside of her, and before she even realized what was happening, she was taking an utterly involuntary dump in the seat of her diaper. Monica’s jaw dropped, her soother falling from her mouth when an enormous fart emerged from her backside without warning, a huge, gooey mess spattering noisily into the back of her pampers. With a grunt, Monica was able to squeeze her backside shut and temporarily regain control. But her tummy was still cramping, her bowels percolating wildly inside her... it wasn’t long before her conditioning took over once more, and Monica cried out in humiliation and frustration as she lost control again. A sloppy, flatulent noise accompanied another muddy gush from her quivering backside, leaving her diaper heavy and brown behind her, her buttocks all smeared and messy. Monica reddened... there was absolutely no way the others in the room hadn’t noticed, and soon every eye was on her... all except for Becky, who continued gazing in the mirror and sobbing over her new look. A glance at Ashley revealed the she was staring at Monica and pinching her nose shut (a bit hypocritical, Monica thought, considering she had a load in her diaper that was stinking up the place as well.) “Well well well,” Ms. Simmons chuckled, making her way over to the playpen. Monica and Ashley shrank away, huddling together and cowering against the bars at the back, their poopy diapers squishing beneath them as they did. Simmons crinkled her cute, turned up nose distastefully, relishing the way her two diapered captives squirmed and cowered, fearful and embarrassed under her gaze. “Are you two stinking up the nursery again?” she asked condescendingly. The pair could do little more than blush and squirm in their loaded pampers. With the stench of their messy diapers wafting through the air, there was little they could say in their defence. Ms. Simmons laughed at their discomfort. “Personally, I think you could all use a nice, long bath... computer?” She’d barely finished speaking the words when the nursery snapped into motion, the sobbing Becky plucked from her seat seconds before the beauty station cleared itself away, sinking into the floor as though it was never there. Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, another panel retracted and a large tub full of steaming water and frothy pink bubbles emerged. Becky’s crying was disrupted by a sharp yelp as she was hoisted into the air by the mechanical hands. Her diaper was stripped from her body in one smooth, efficient motion. Becky kicked and screamed, totally naked, her nearly bald head gleaming in the light, her bare ass jiggling behind her. She was unceremoniously dumped into the water and resurfaced coughing and rubbing water from her eyes. The tub was deeper than it looked, the water coming up to her shoulders when she sat. Further, the sides of the tub were high-- she estimated that she’d need to stand on tippy-toe to peer out over the top. Moments later, Monica and Ashley felt themselves hoisted into the air by their under arms, their loaded and stained diapers sagging heavily behind them. Their clothes were quickly removed, followed swiftly by their diapers, which were pulled off carefully, wrapped up into a ball and discarded into the large diaper pail in the corner. They blushed and squealed when their dirty, poop-smeared buns were revealed to the entire room. The automatons made quick work of the mess with wet wipes, then deposited the pair of them into the bath next to Becky. The three naked maidens shared a mutually embarrassed look with each other, shamed by their collective nudity... but it wasn’t long before they had bigger things to worry about. The mechanical hands swarmed them, some gripping their arms and legs and manoeuvring them so that others could scrub their bodies more easily and efficiently. The girls squeaked and squealed as they were firmly scoured with soft, soapy washcloths. Ms. Simmons made her way to the control room so she would be able to enjoy the view in a little privacy. Stripping down to her Depends Pull-Up, she took up a position behind the console and watched the monitors eagerly, studying the Adult Babes in their steaming hot bath. She smiled, pleased with herself, slipping her hand down the front of her Depends so she could play with her pussy, groaning with pleasure as the three Babes squealed and blushed their way through their bath. They were twisted, pulled, and bent into every possible position, the wet soapy washcloths worked in and out of every nook and cranny. The adult Baby women found their faces, armpits, and breasts scrubbed clean with cold, clinical detachment. Squawking indignantly, their legs were spread and their private parts were rigorously bathed... and with their limbs held in place, all three of them were powerless to do anything to prevent it. Finally the automatons pressed the soapy cloths up between their butt-cheeks, each one squealing and wincing as their crinkled little assholes were thoroughly scrubbed clean by firm, steady mechanical fingers. Ms. Simmons watched from the control booth, the cameras capturing the action from every angle, blatantly masturbating with her hand down the front of her Depends. She smiled to herself wondering what indignity she could heap upon them next. What’s next for our three Adult Babies? Lunch Rectal Temp Taking Click here to take the poll now.

I was you 7 years ago. I asked questions, lots of them. I asked him. One mistake I made was go to random google links where I ended up in sites that scared me of abdls. Thankfully, I knew my then-boyfriend enough to not perceive him the way those sites portrayed abdls. We’ve been happily married for 6 years and diapers are very much part of our lifestyle. We are very private about it, and somehow, we have found ways to make it beneficial to our marriage. Feel free to message me if you have any questions!

Thanks all for your comments, I've since separated from my wife and moved to a new city. I've accepted my bed wetting at times and just wear to bed almost every night to feel safer, more relaxed and not have accidents in my bed. My new partner is very understanding and excepts both my DL side and my bedwetting and need to wear diapers at times.

You simply can't leave us hanging here for a week, baying for another Chapter, especially after those last 6 words. Are you serious? One week? That's like, umm, torture or something! Are you looking for us to throw a tantrum now? O M G! Throws bat and ball, and storms off...

Bab's Halloween Nightmare Bab's eyes fluttered open as she sat up in a dark forest. “W-what?” Bab asked herself as she looked around. “Alex?” But he wasn't in sight. Where could he have gone? Why was she here alone? Deciding not to stay right there, Bab spotted a small trail leading, she hoped, out of the woods and maybe to Alex. It felt like she was walking for a long time when Bab finally walked up to a strange sign in the middle of the road. The sign was mostly bare except for a single piece of paper pinned to it. As Bab removed the paper to get a better look, she saw it was just a crude drawing of trees all over the paper. It was strange and somewhat creepy. She was about to put the paper back when she noticed the sign was gone? Looking left and right, Bab tried to see where it went but couldn't find it. Odd? Bab looked back at the paper and tried to think of something. She couldn't just leave it on the ground, and her skirt didn't have pockets. So, as much as she didn't want to do this, she pulled open the front of her diaper and stuffed the piece of paper inside of her diaper! The paper felt weird and contrasted against the soft diaper. As she continued to walk on, the paper added to the crinkle of her diaper. Bab continued to walk the road, often messing with her diaper as it felt off with the paper inside of it until she reached somewhere familiar. Bab was now standing outside the city of Pa’a! How did she get all the way here!? She was now very confused as she should be very far away from here. As she got closer to the city, she noticed another piece of paper taped to one of the gates protecting the city. As she got closer and removed the paper it said ‘LEAVE ME ALONE!’ and had a picture of a tree. ‘Strange?’ Bab thought as she looked at the trees and didn't see anything weird about them. Bab then tried to put the paper back but it would not stick back to the gate. Bab sighed as she put this paper into her diaper as well and decided to throw them away as soon as she found a trash can. As bab continued into Pa’a, she soon started to feel uncomfortable as she noticed no one was around. “H-hello?” Bab called out. Partly hoping to find someone to ask what was going on, but no one answered. It wasn't until she finally reached the center of the city that another piece of paper flew into her face. As she pulled it off, she looked at the picture and saw another drawing. It was of a man standing beside a tree with ‘follows’ written right next to it. “Is this some type of joke?” Bab huffed as she stuffed the piece of paper into her diaper as well and started to march to the only place that might have answers for her. Not knowing of the tall figure standing far behind her... Bab marched all the way to Fran’s shop hoping to get some answers. But as she got to the door she was only greeted by a locked door and another piece of paper. ‘Always watches, no eyes’ it said. “What the fuck is going on here?” Bab asked as she stuffed the piece of paper into her diaper and turned around. Standing in the middle of the road nearly 3 blocks away was a very tall man. One that wasn't moving or doing anything. But Bab couldn't be happier! Finally, someone was here! As she started running over to the man she began to get a better look at the unmoving man. He was very tall and slender, wearing a nice suit and tie from the other world. But as she grew closer, she also noticed that the man had no face! As if on pure instinct, Bab’s arm shot up and shot out a bolt of electricity right at the man! But the man was gone. As if he wasn't even there in the first place. “ALEX!” Bab screamed as her heart was racing from the encounter. Bab didn't want to admit it, but she was starting to grow scared as she began to speed walk towards the only other place she could think of. The castle. It was the only other safe place in Pa’a Bab could think of as she made her way there. Periodically looking back to see if that strange man came back. As she reached the foot of the stairs leading to the castle, she saw another sign with another piece of paper. She didn't know what compelled her, but Bab stopped to pull down the paper and look at it. ‘DON'T LOOK...OR IT TAKES YOU’ followed by a picture of a stick man. Bab suddenly had a cold chill run down her spine as she slowly began to turn around. There the man stood even closer than before! Bab screamed and began pissing into her diaper as she shot more electricity at the faceless man before she sprinted up the stairs. As she got to the castle, she quickly ran inside and slammed the front door shut! But soon screamed again as she saw another piece of paper on the door. She didn't bother taking it down as she could clearly see it was a picture of the tall man with NO! Repeated. Bab screamed yet again as she looked over to her side and saw the faceless man standing right out a window staring at her! Bab blasted the window but the man was gone again! She had to run! Had to hide! Bab ran randomly through the castled trying to find someplace to hide! Her wet diaper swaying back and forth as she ran with the paper inside soaked. Every now and then, Bab would look behind her and see the man, closer and closer! She turned a corner and sprinted down a hallway filled with nothing but papers saying ‘HELP ME!’ Bab bolted into a random room and slammed the door shut before locking it. The room was small and lit by a single candle. Bab’s heart was pounding as she took a few steps back and stared at the door. “He can't get in, he can't get in, he can't get in,” She repeated to herself in a whisper as she stared at the door. Arms ready to fire at anything that tries to get in! That's when a piece of paper slipped through the bottom of the door. Every part of Bab’s body was screaming at her not to look at it! But her body moved on its own. Stepping closer, and closer to the paper on the floor until she could finally see what it read. ‘CANT RUN.’ As a tall shadow began to loom over Bab, Bab released herself into the back of her diaper before screaming once again. ************ “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” “W-WHAT!” I yell as Bab’s scream woke me up! I turned to see Bab panting like crazy as sweat and tears streamed down her face. “Bab, what wrong?” I asked as her head bolted to me with surprise! For a moment, Bab had a relieved face as soon as she saw me, but that soon began to morph until she was scowling at me and lunged at me screaming! “IT WAS YOUR FALT!” Bab screamed as she began hitting me! ‘“W-what did I do!?” I asked as I tried to defend myself from her attack. “YOU TOLD ME THAT SCARY STORY!” Bab yelled as I finally managed to grab her hands and stopped her from hitting me. As I looked at her panting face, I could see she was mad, sad, and overall, scared. So I let go of her hands and just pulled her in closer to me. “I'm sorry Bab, but you said you could handle a scary story.” I reminded her. “SHUT UP!” she screamed at me but started to wrap her arms around me. I could feel her heart pounding from her chest as I rubbed her back. “Its okak, it was just a dream,” I tell her to try to calm her down. When Bab finally let go of me, it was just so she could move to be better position on my lap. She didn't even flinch when she sat in her messy diaper on my lap and just continued to hold onto me. “You okay Bab?” I asked. “You did this, so take responsibility!” Bab told me without looking at me. No doubt blushing as she said it. I just give a slight smile as I lay back down with her on top of me. “Ok, I’ll protect my baby girl from all the bad dreams,” I tell Bab who doesn't respond as I kiss her head and hum a song to help put her back to sleep. “Good girl. I'll chase away all the bad dreams.” As Bab’s body finally relaxes, one hand still holding onto me tightly while she sucks on her thumb, I finally close my eyes myself to go back to sleep. Unknown to the two of us, a tall, slender man stands right outside our tent. Happy Halloween!

Part 17 Saturday and my birthday arrived. Officially I was now a twelve year old and had cards with that printed on to prove it. I’d received a couple of presents – to my great surprise Joe had managed to find another Barnaby Blue annual in a second hand book store. It was a little tatty but I was quite overwhelmed he’d gone to so much trouble. Meanwhile, Geoff’s attitude had softened and I was surprised to find a badly wrapped globe as his gift. I’m not sure where he’d got it from but I loved it. It was another thoughtful present that I couldn’t believe came from my brothers. Mum and dad looked equally shocked and said they’d give me their gift later… I think it was a late delivery and were still waiting to collect it from the shop. Not surprisingly it was auntie who’d organised the restaurant and the entire family dressed up for the event. Of course, I wore my new suit. It was the first time the family had seen me in it and I was wearing a well-padded nappy and thick plastic pants just to be sure. I checked myself in the mirror and flattened the bulge down a little bit. At first I wasn’t too sure; the red braces, red tie, red and black checked socks… I knew from past experience that the longer shorts hid my protection to a degree but I was still nervous as I emerged from the bedroom for everyone to see me in all my ‘Italian style’ glory. # I knew I looked smart because of the comments from auntie’s friends but my family made me a little uneasy, thankfully Joe said I looked just like Barnaby, which pleased me no end. Meanwhile, mum and dad just whistled their approval and Geoff nodded his. My Italian styling hadn’t set everyone off into giggles, there were no snide comments, just positive remarks and any trepidation I’d had quickly disappeared. Auntie of course just beamed with pride as the birthday boy took up his position as the centre of attention. I loved it. There was no doubt about it; I was still very much the baby of the family. I was still growing into the shorts and jacket but despite this; it was something of mine, and mine alone, so felt quite proud of that. Now I’d worn it a couple of times I did feel ‘different’ than when I wore anything else… even my school uniform. That little boy in the original advert was all smiles and happiness as he trundled around Venice with his mother and, I got a similar feeling wearing my suit. So, despite all my worries about how I looked, I did feel pretty confident when out wearing it. Compared with what everyone else my age was wearing… I knew it was special. # I don’t think I looked anywhere near a twelve year old. Even when the waiters brought the celebratory cake and sang Happy Birthday, I think they thought they’d put too many candles on it. Anyway, we had a good time, the restaurant and food were both fun as the waiters kept us (and the other customers) entertained throughout the evening. They couldn’t see the thick nappy under my stylishly longer shorts and now Geoff had stopped his ribbing everything passed off really well. Mum and dad had got me a baseball cap that had a LED light in the rim, which lit up. This was completely unlike my parents, normally they’d be far more practical but I loved it. I’d never seen such a thing before so thought I’d be unique on the estate - trendy at last. To my surprise both Joe and Geoff were envious of my new acquisition and wanted to try it on. The cap didn’t go with my suit but I didn’t care, this was something different and I thought how wonderful my family was to have given me such nice presents. Auntie had bought me a very special looking fountain pen for school. I felt, for a few moments at least, quite grown-up, that is until I realised my nappy was soaked and I hadn’t known I’d done it. Well, I knew how I’d done it I just didn’t feel it happening, which was a worry. The fact that I now changed myself made me wriggle in the seat, nervous of going to the men’s room, in case it made for a bit of a downer on this special event. I also wasn’t sure if mum had brought spares because I hadn’t. Also, I didn’t want to give Geoff any further ammo and, as it was all going so well, didn’t want to draw attention to myself. So, I swished around in a very mushy nappy until we got home. Strangely, because my trendy long blue shorts were hiding my ‘accident’ so well, I felt really at ease. No one but me knew and the thickening material between my legs, although damp, was quite a comfort. I sneakily ran my hand over the front of my shorts and felt the slippery vinyl bulge beneath. I sighed in grateful relief that my wetness was so well contained. As mum would say: “Thank God for plastic pants.” # Before the party came to an end, auntie handed me yet another wrapped present and said she hoped it was just what I wanted but told me not to open it until I got home. I couldn’t wait. The package was soft so I gathered that it might be some more new clothes, perhaps something else the clever Mrs Goodall had concocted, but, after what auntie had bought me over the last few weeks, I was hoping she hadn’t gone to too much expense. All in all it had been a fantastic night. Despite the fact I knew Joe and Geoff thought a ‘fun’ restaurant was a bit uncool for them, they joined in with all the merriment. I don’t know if mum and dad had said anything (I hoped not) but I was just pleased it had gone off so well. As auntie left in a taxi I promised her I’d go and visit her again in a couple of weeks, which she was pleased about. She was also pleased when mum told her about the positive comments she was getting from the school even after only a week. They nodded knowingly to each other. My continued wetting wasn’t mentioned once, for which I was grateful though I’m not sure if either mum or auntie had guessed I was soaked. # When I got home I opened auntie’s second present, I’d expected some new colourful Mrs Goodall pyjama creation, or something similar, what it was were my first pair of long trousers. I slowly pulled them from the wrapping and was excited to see that they matched the shorts of my suit and clearly what I’d hoped for from the very beginning. My birthday was getting better and better and, typical of auntie; she’d got me something she knew meant a great deal to me. At last, when I wore my suit, I would no longer feel like a little kid. I was so excited. I eased down my suit shorts over my swollen nappy and kicked them onto my bed. I wasn’t sure if I should change first but I was just too eager and quickly slipped the special item up my legs. They were a little long and I found it difficult to fasten the catch at the waist. I realised that I’d only be able to wear them if I wasn’t wearing thick padding. Auntie had given me what I wanted but, in giving them to me, there was an encouragement to try and stop wetting. Mum was standing at the bedroom door as I tried them on. “Oh sweetheart… you’ll look terrific in them.” She came over and tried to fasten me in. “Ahh, I see what auntie planned here… do you?” I nodded. Actually, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I thought I’d be grown-up about it but I felt disappointed, as if wetting was something I could stop. If I could, don’t they think I would have by now? # She poked a finger up the leg-hole of my plastic pants. “C’mon mister, birthday boy or not, we’d better get you out of this wet nappy and into something drier.” I was about to do it myself but mum took charge, slowly stripping me out of my best clothes (and hanging them up) and easing down my plastic pants. The thick fabric was well waterlogged so she got a towel and dried me down. Although mum had given me the independence to change myself, and it was something I was proud to do, I really liked it when mum did this and I felt quite relaxed as she powdered and tightly pinned everything in place. A new pair of blue vinyl pants was pulled up and over the padding and she asked if I wanted to come down and watch TV for a bit. It was well past my normal bedtime but was suggested as a bit of a treat because of my birthday. I’m not a late night person so I told her I was quite tired and that I’d like to go straight to bed. She kissed my forehead, said she hoped I’d had a terrific birthday (which I had) and bid me goodnight as she closed the bedroom door. After a couple of moments I got up and went to the closet. I reached in and pulled out the onesie and the matching shorts Mrs Goodall had made and put them on. I struggled in what little light there was to fasten the snaps between my legs but once they were closed my protection felt tight and safe pulled up against my crotch. I fed the shorts up and over the bulky material and crawled back into bed in fleecy luxury. My thoughts then went to my family and how well my twelfth birthday had gone and how brilliant they’d all been. Then I thought of auntie and how she could still surprise me with her kind-heartedness. Over the last couple of weeks she’d supplied me with so many wonderful things and, with the long trousers; she’d once again made me happy… and given me a target. I snuggled down under my blankets and felt fantastic. I was clean and cosy but before I fell asleep completely, I pushed my hand beneath the shorts and stroked the fleecy front of my slippery bulge and had to admit it was the best feeling ever. # Sunday morning I awoke having slept the best in a long time. My dreams had been fun; at one point Joe, Geoff and I were in the same football team and we all scored, which was something strange for me as I didn’t play for any team. My two brothers are both excellent players and in their school’s first team line-up. How I managed to get involved I’ve no idea but nonetheless I also scored. I was wearing a nappy (and I believe so did Geoff) but we still won with everyone cheering our success. Even with my nappy obviously visible as I ran around the field making some excellent tackles and passes of the ball, no one said anything. It gave me a feeling of belonging, which I don’t think I always felt. I also woke up and didn’t feel wet, which was another plus, so I wandered down to breakfast wearing what I’d slept in. Mum and dad were at the table but neither of the other two had yet surfaced. “Morning sweetheart.” Mum smiled, whilst dad smiled and nodded. I half expected the usual question of “Are you wet?” but it never came up. I suppose now I was twelve I should know when I’m wet and able to change myself if warranted. Mum asked if I wanted a cooked breakfast but I was still relatively full from the meal the previous evening so settled for a slice of toast and a cup of tea. I felt quite at ease with the way I was dressed and wriggled in the thick, padded comfort between me and the chair. I even quite liked the soft rustling of the plastic pants as I made myself even snugger. # Now I had a pair of long trousers I tried them on again, this time without the padding. Like the rest of my suit there was ample room for growth and I’d need to turn-up the legs when I wore them. I was very pleased I had them but realised that I was happy wearing the shorts version and this understanding sent a shiver through my body. I’d had this feeling before, where wearing shorts and protection made me feel okay, even if I looked the part of a much younger kid. This became even more apparent on Monday when at school because there was now only Graham Greenwood and myself in class who were still in shorts. Graham’s family were Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’m not sure why that made a difference but everyone thought that was the reason he was still in shorts, whilst mine was because of the nappy. It was also at this time that one of the other shorts wearers from another class came up and wanted to be friends. He was of the opinion that we shorts wearers should stick together to avoid any trouble from those who’d pick on us. As we were a small vulnerable group it did seem a good idea. We very rarely got comments from kids our own age but some boys, two, three and four year’s older thought it fun to take the mickey. We weren’t bullied, the school would never stand for such a thing, but the occasional baby talk and suggestions to ‘go back to primary school’ did surface. We didn’t have a ‘gang’ name as such but at break times we did tend to stick close together so any name calling wasn’t aimed at one boy. Daley was a tall boy and looked frankly ridiculous in shorts but his mum had said that whilst his shorts still fitted and were in good order, she wasn’t made of money so refused to buy him anything else. However, Daley was also good at football so was used to wearing his sports kit and it seemed very little bothered him. I asked him fairly early on how he coped with wearing shorts and being so tall where he’d obviously stand out in a crowd. He said that there was just him and his mum and he wouldn’t do anything that he knew his mum couldn’t control. Money was thin on the ground but she’d been so proud of him gaining admission to the school, he wouldn’t say or do anything that might upset her. They were a tight family… just the two of them. # I was asked by the group about my nappy-wearing so told them when it started but that I had no idea why. However, I confessed that most mornings since it had started I woke up soaked and because of the ‘accident’ in class, the headmaster insisted I wear protection whilst on school property. That is, until I could prove I don’t need them… and that was proving quite difficult. I’d had a few minor accidents at school but nothing that would have drawn the attention of matron or the teachers, I’d happily let my damp nappy and plastic pants take the strain. However, at home, night time things had gotten worse and waking up in very wet protection had become the norm. But now it was up to me to sort myself out, so I wasn’t bothering anyone else with my problem. I’d happily change myself and put the stuff on to soak and wash. The garden may well have been festooned with my drying white fabric nappies and fluttering plastic pants but despite wet mornings I felt I was in some kind of control. There seemed some sympathy for my plight but in general, as my bulky bottom and smoothly shaped crotch only occasionally became the centre of attention, it was forgotten about by the troop of shorts wearers. Money was the real reason the few of us were still in shorts. Our families simply didn’t have the funds for new clothes until what we had was worn out… and even then it might not happen. With my shorts still riding up over my thighs the plastic pants were regularly seen by everyone and although there were a few giggles and comments, most people had got past caring. I hadn’t told any of my friends about Barnaby Blue just in case they thought I was childish, although I was quite happy when I got home, and after all my homework was finished, to read another fascinating chapter about this nine year old’s powers of deduction. As the weeks transpired I was getting pretty good grades, nothing that would put me into the dizzying world of the clever Aziz, but enough for mum and dad to feel proud of me again. They may not have said that they weren’t proud of me but I could tell that although they believed a change of school was to stop me feeling pressure, they were a little disappointed I hadn’t adapted to senior academic life very well. However, they now saw that despite still wetting at night, the nappy I had to wear was no barrier to me getting on so it had become less of an issue to them and my brothers. #tbc#

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Chapters 10 and 11, just for you! Chapter Ten I turned around to see what or who she was so afraid of, and that’s when I saw him. He was a walking prep model with his collar popped and his hair perfectly gelled straight. He looked to be about my height, but had just a bit more of a build than I did. This was the one who destroyed my friend’s will. This was my enemy. By the way he stumbled about, I figured he was drunk. “Well, look who’s here! Didn’t think you’d ever come back here, Jill! After all, this is where we went on the night you got pregnant…stupid bitch.” he mumbled. “Leave me alone.” Jill whispered as she looked the other way. “Hey everyone! This is the girl who killed my child!” Jill got up and started walking out of the bar when Nick went to follow her. I immediately stood up and blocked his path. “That’s enough!” I said firmly as I stood my ground. “Think you’re so tough belittling a woman and blaming her for something that’s beyond her control?” Jill stopped right before she went out the door and turned around. From the corner of my eye I could see that she was about to cry, and this only made me more upset. “Oh, and who’s this?! Your new boyfriend, Jill? Why don’t you fuck off, man?” “You drunk bastard! One more word of her…just one more.” “Psh,” Nick slurred, “and what will you do? You got nothing on me! Hey, Jill! Too scared to come over here and face me yourself? Need a bodyguard, eh?” Before I had the chance to say anything, Jill ran back towards us and landed a hard slap across Nick’s face. His whole head shifted to the left, and for a moment he was stunned. “You stupid bitch!” he slapped her back before I had a chance to react. The patrons all gasped and whispered to each other as Jill held the side of her face and let a tear shed. I tried as hard as I could to not lose it, but if there’s one thing I hate, it’s a guy hitting or verbally abusing a woman. I don’t care who it is or if I can’t stand the woman. Once I see an act of violence against her, I snap. And so it was that night. I grabbed Nick’s arm and placed it behind his back. His drunken state allowed me to get a hold of his other hand, and he was soon restrained. He struggled to break free, but I placed my foot in front of his leg and pushed him forward. He fell, hard, and grunted as he did so. “Piece of shit!” I turned him onto his back and grabbed him by his collar. “Fuck you!” “John!” Jill screamed. “You have ten seconds to leave the bar, and if you so much as look at Jill, I’ll make sure you don’t leave the parking lot without a black eye!” I pulled Nick up to his feet and once again restrained him, only this time I applied more pressure to keep him from moving around. We made our way towards the door as the bar fell silent. I turned around briefly to make sure that Jill was okay. She looked a bit shaken up, but other than that she seemed okay. “Let go of me you-” “Shut up!” I opened the door and shoved Nick onto the pavement outside. He struggled to get on his feet while he swore. “C’mon and fight me like a man!” he slurred his speech. “You call yourself a man? Get outta here before I knock you flat!” I waited in the doorway until I saw him wander off onto the sidewalk, then closed the door, sighed, and turned around to see where Jill was. Everyone stared at me, most in amazement, others in shock. “I’m sorry,” I told the bartender, “I’ll leave if you want. I shouldn’t have made a scene here. He was harassing my friend here and-” “Nah, nah, kid! You didn’t cause any trouble! You got rid of it! Someone get this man a beer!” There was a short round of applause in the bar, and I not being used to being made a “hero” for brawling in a bar blushed and headed back to my table where Jill sat and looked at me with folded arms and a smirk that was just short of a smile. She probably didn’t know how to react. I mean, one minute she was belittled and slapped, and then next I threw the bastard out of the bar. “You alright, Jill?” She grew rather quiet, but she didn’t look mad. Instead, a little smile went across her face. Still, I couldn’t tell if she was angry with me for fighting, sad for being treated so meanly, or happy to have someone stand up for her. “I’m sorry, Jill. I don’t usually get mad like that, but he smacked you, and I just-” Jill didn’t cry or yell at me. Instead, she leaned forward, kissed me, then clasped her hands around mine and said, “Thank you.” We continued to eat our food as if the whole incident was a big blur, a mere dream that was just a figment of our imaginations. Jill leaned her feet against mine as we ate, but I didn’t mind. I think sticking up for her triggered a new sense of appreciation for me. Our burgers were eaten in silence and with smiles on both of our faces. As I finished my burger, a man in a grey business suit came over to our table with a beer in his hand. He had been sitting at the barstool earlier. A smile went across his face as he set the beer on the table. “Hope you don’t mind lager!” he said. I was a bit taken back since the waitress or bartender didn’t bring the drink over, but I gladly accepted and told the man that I didn’t mind. “The name’s Matt Yuhal. I saw how you handled that situation back there, and I must say that I’m quite impressed!” “Well, my dad’s a security guard, so he taught me a few restraining techniques. Oh, and I’m John Morrow.” I said as I stood up and shook the man’s hand. “You know, you’d make a pretty good bouncer. Maybe get a little more buff and learn a few more takedowns, and you’d be set. I could sure use an extra hand at one of my clubs.” Was this guy for real? Me? A bouncer? I definitely didn’t fit the profile for a bouncer. I was far too nice! Still, my mind told me that this was a perfect opportunity to get away from working in retail. “No offense, sir, but I’m not sure how well that would work. You see, I live about three hours east of here. My college is only one hour away, but I don’t start up again until the end of August.” “Hmmm.” This was the oddest conversation I’d ever gotten myself into, and Jill looked just as confused as I did. “Where do you go to college?” Matt asked. “Hansen Institute of Technology.” “Looks like you’re in luck! I’ve got a club about ten minutes south of the campus!” “Hang on a minute, here. You’re just going to offer me a job? No interview or anything?” “Kid, you apologized after you threw that guy out of the bar. Do you know what that tells me? It tells me that you’re able to keep your cool in tight situations.” A job being offered to me on a silver platter, and yet I remained reluctant. I believe it was fear of the unknown that held me back. But then I had a thought. This man said he owned a few clubs. If he knew the right people, he might have been a good person to network with for when I graduated college. “You know this wouldn’t be something I’d do for the rest of my life, right? I mean, I’m graduating in three years.” “Oh, absolutely! I’ll even cut you a bit of a break since you’re in college. I’m thinking, maybe ten or eleven bucks an hour, if that sounds good to you.” “Holy…ten or eleven?!” Hey, it doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re in college and you have to struggle to make money, ten bucks an hour is pretty good! “What do you think, Jill?” I asked. “I say go for it! What have you got to lose?” she smiled. I accepted the offer and told Mr. Yuhal that I’d call him when I was ready. That was what got me into my bouncing job. Yeah, pretty cool, eh? That’s not something that happens every day. Mr. Yuhal left our table and we got up to leave. * * * We spent the rest of the night on Jill’s couch. The television played something boring, but I didn’t care. The only thing on my mind was telling Jill what I’d wanted to say earlier. I made it look like I was focused on the television as I planned my confessions. A half hour later, I was ready to tell her. “Jill?” Jill looked over as she leaned a little more into my side. “Something’s still bothering you, isn’t it?” she asked. “Kind of, but I want to tell you now. I just ask that if it’s too soon that you tell me right away.” “Sure thing!” I took a deep breath and sighed. “First of all, I’ve decided that I don’t want to lose you again. Call me crazy, but honestly, I just feel so strongly like you’re the one. You must be, otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you this right now.” “To tell you the truth, John, I wasn’t so sure at first. But after tonight, I’m beginning to feel the same way about you.” I smiled in relief and thanked God for what I’d just been told. But that was only one obstacle I’d made it over. I still had the mountain to climb. “What was the other thing you wanted to tell me?” “Well…I hope this isn’t too soon for you, but,” I said with a pause, “I will never be able to fully understand how hard it must be for you to lose your baby, but I want to let you know that if you find it too hard to deal with, then I’ll…” “Go on. It’s okay.” “I will give up that side of me if it brings back any painful memories.” A huge part of me now lay on an altar of sacrifice, waiting to be given up as an offering to our relationship. I almost cried when I thought of what she would say, because this wasn’t something that I could just shake off. This would take me some serious counseling and therapy to get rid of, if I could indeed get rid of it at all. “Aw, John, that’s so sweet of you! But, actually…” The knife was in my hand and ready to stab my infantilist side through its chest. This was where the outcome of the rest of my life would be decided. A price I almost didn’t want to pay to be with Jill. “…I’ve been thinking about that side of you since I had my miscarriage. I know that sounds kind of silly since I was with Nick at the time, but I remembered the last time you and I did that, and how much of a bond we had. Now I’m not sure if the bond will be the same because of my miscarriage, but I’d be willing to try it out and see if it helps me cope with my loss.” That was it. It’d possibly be one last babying session. The grand finale of my desire to be babied by Jill, and to be diapered, and fed a bottle, and burped. And loved. One last chance. I could only hope that it would be enough to make her want to continue. Time was now the only thing left standing in our way. “That sounds fair. And Jill, it will be whenever you feel you’re ready, even if that takes a while. I am a patient man.” “I’d like to try it sooner than later.” Jill smiled and winked at me. “And, if you don’t mind, I’m wondering if you’d be willing to try a few new things out when we are ready. Don’t worry, though. I promise it’s nothing to hurt you in any way. It’s just…something to make my bond with baby a little greater. I’ll let you figure the rest out.” I became giddy for a moment, but I kept it in and nodded my head. A greater bond between a mother and a baby meant a few things, and I think you know what I’m talking about. I asked Jill how soon was “sooner”, and she told me in a couple of weeks. They would go by rather quickly, and at that point in my life I could truly say that I was happy again. I’m now a true believer in the old saying that “the best things come in threes.” A new job, a restored relationship, and a chance to allow my babyish desires to be fulfilled once again. Chapter Eleven I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain my love for Jill. The weekend of our getting back together only caused me to love her more, and during my patient waiting period for Jill to baby me, she and I talked just about every day. Sometimes I’d even call her while I was working, but nobody knew since I was usually the only one in the backroom. Working and waiting. That’s all I did during the weeks preceding our sacred time. And on that special day, my love for her would become one of the strongest emotional attachments I’ve ever had with anyone before. We had it all planned out. I’d ordered some more of the same type of diapers off of the internet, and Jill still had some of her baby things: pacifiers, baby bottles, baby wipes and powder, and even a nursery, minus the furniture (she told me she’d gotten rid of the crib and changing table shortly after her miscarriage since it made her upset at the time). I still wondered what she’d meant about making her bond with her “baby” greater, but I’d find out shortly. The drive to her house seemed to be much quicker this time around, but that was probably because I was far too excited to notice the time. I prayed every other half hour that Jill babying me would allow her to cope with her loss and that this could become an important part of our relationship. Sure, it wouldn’t be all of the time, (thank goodness for that!) but it would help us to remain open with each other. However, if for some reason Jill couldn’t cope, I vowed to do my best to overcome and eventually snuff out my infantilist desires, no matter how hard it would be. I pulled into Jill’s driveway and got my things out of my car as I took a deep breath. It’d been so long! Would it be the same? Would she still be as nurturing as she was the time before, or would things be awkward? And most importantly, would this be the last time? Before I reached her porch, Jill came rushed out of the house and gave me a tight hug and a brief but enjoyable kiss. “I missed you!” she said with a smile. “Well, we’ve got the next couple of days together, so we’ll have to make up for it!” “Definitely!” We headed inside where the television blared some comedy show and the lamps gave off an inviting aura. I set my bags down and stretched out my legs. The straight shot to Jill’s house had taken its toll on my body, but I tried my best not to appear tired right away. While I had an idea as to what our babying session would be like, I had no idea when Jill planned on having it. For all I knew, it could’ve been for the whole weekend, a couple of hours, or maybe even for just a few minutes, depending on the circumstances. “You look tired, John.” “Just a little.” “That’s alright. I didn’t have much planned tonight. Want to watch a movie and cuddle?” “That sounds good right about now.” “Okay!” We went into the living room, sat on the couch, and Jill leaned into my chest while she picked up the remote. It didn’t take long for us to find a movie. I don’t really remember what we watched that night, but I do know that it was some trippy comedy about people getting high and traveling across the country. Due to its dated look and feel I found it very hard to stay awake, but I rubbed Jill’s arm to keep my mind somewhat stimulated. Jill occasionally did the same with me throughout the duration of the movie. The clock struck eleven when the movie finished. Normally I’d be awake for another couple of hours, but for some reason I was extremely tired that night. My brain told my body to try to stay awake longer, but my body felt otherwise and wouldn’t allow my eyes to stay open for more than a few seconds. “Hey, sleepyhead. Time for bed.” Jill giggled. “That time already?” I yawned. “I’m sorry. I wish I could stay up longer. I don’t know why I’m so tired tonight.” “Aw, it’s fine. Would you want to sleep up with me, or down here on the couch?” “I’d like to sleep with you.” “I’m glad to hear that. I can start tonight!” “Start what?” That was the dumbest question I asked over the course of that entire summer break. I didn’t even attempt to put the pieces together! “To baby you!” “Ohh!” I said, sounding a bit more excited than I probably should’ve sounded. “Hehe. I was going to wait until tomorrow if you chose to sleep down here tonight, but it looks like we’re in luck!” “Yeah!” I almost floated out of the living from the feeling of weightlessness in my head. A mere kite caught in the winds of bliss and anticipation. It was time to get this started! “Seeing how we’re both tired, I think I’ll only do a couple of things. Tomorrow I’ll make sure the experience is as best as I can make it.” Jill said with a smile. Had she gotten a renowned sense of confidence? Was she no longer afraid that babying me could make her upset? Even stranger was that she really sounded like she wanted to do this! It wasn’t a bad strange, but it still felt surreal. “Well, I’m ready when you are!” I said happily. Jill asked me to grab what I’d brought with me, which I quickly complied. She then grabbed me by the hand ever so gently and led me up the stairs. I shook with excitement as I nearly tripped up the steps. At first I thought that we were going to go into the nursery, but Jill told me that we’d wait until the next morning when we were more awake. We found our way into what appeared to be her room, which had one of the largest beds that I’d ever seen in it. I guessed that it was a king-sized mattress, but it looked a lot bigger than what they showed on television commercials. Her cherry oak colored dresser stood in the corner of her room, and the air conditioner silently hummed as it stuck out of her window. A faint smell of apples and cinnamon crept into my nose. This was where I wanted to be. Jill asked me to lie face up on her bed. I did so without hesitation and wondered what she had in store this time around. I suddenly felt her hands caressing my arm very lightly, and she quietly giggled and looked down at me like a mother looks down at her child. “My baby boy. My beautiful baby boy. Oh yes you are!” she cooed quietly as her hands made their way up to my face and hair. I sunk into her bed as the euphoria encircled every part of my body. A smile of ultimate bliss made its way across my face as a tingling sensation shot down my spine. She was doing it—no, we were doing it! We once again became an inseparable bond, and my heart told me that it wanted to explode. Jill lowered her face even further and kissed me lightly on the cheek as her hair brushed across my lips and the sweet smell of her perfume intoxicated me. “Okay, baby. Let’s get a nice, fresh diaper on you!” she smiled. “Mommy will be right back.” Jill got up and left the room for only a moment, then returned with a handful of things, including a package of baby wipes, a canister of baby powder, a pacifier, and even a blue baby blanket. She set the items down on the bed, then quickly laid out the baby blanket. The blanket was rather small for me to fit my entire body on, but I didn’t care; it was the thought that counted! “Okay! I think this is everything. Now, let’s get baby’s diaper changed.” I moved over onto the blanket and once again assumed the laying position. The blanket was made of some kind of plush that my hands didn’t wish to let go of once they touched it. Jill dangled the pacifier above my lips for a few seconds, then gently inserted it into my mouth as she and I both laughed. To this day, I still tend to laugh at myself every now and then when I’m playing the role of the infant, mostly because I feel so silly. Hey, everyone’s gotta learn to laugh at themselves sometime. Jill didn’t ask me to lift my legs or even “switch off” her maternal instincts to talk to me this time around. No, instead she gently placed her arm under my legs, and I automatically knew what she wanted to do. Within a minute (and with my help), I was lying half naked on the baby blanket. Have you ever had your heart beat so loudly that you could hear it in your brain? Yeah, that was me that night. “Aww you look so cute with your pacifier! You’re gonna look even cuter with your dydee on!” Jill cooed as she grabbed my black bag off of the floor. She unzipped the bag and pulled out the still perfect stack of crisp, clean diapers and cooed to me once again about how cute they were. She then set the diapers down next to me and placed one of them on my stomach, making sure to lift my shirt up a bit so I could feel the softness on my body. The diaper taunted me as it lay there, and this only increased my excitement. “First we wipe you clean alllll over your legs and bottom.” I was wiped down ever so slowly and gently that I started to think that maybe Jill really did think I was an infant, not that I minded. “Then we take the baby powder and powder your little bottom so you don’t get dydee rash. Mmm, smells so nice as always.” Jill powdered me generously, and the babyish smell caused my body to produce even more endorphins. Someone could’ve shot me or inflicted any kind of serious pain on my body and I probably wouldn’t have felt it. I felt invincible. She rubbed in the baby powder very carefully, and it caused me to squirm with delight. “Awww you wike that baby-waby? Hehe you do! Yes you do! Well, now it’s time to get this cute little dydee on you!” I lifted my legs for Jill as she took the diaper and unfolded it with a smile. She then carefully slid it beneath me and placed the front of it carefully between my legs. Her hands lightly tickled my stomach, followed by her nose as she cried, “gootchie-goo!” That’s when I felt like I could float off of the bed. It probably would’ve made diapering me easier. Jill then expertly taped up the diaper and smiled as she said, “All done! And look how cute you look!” I simply responded with a smile from beneath the pacifier. I thought she was done, but she then gently rolled me onto my stomach, pulled the back of my diaper open a bit, and sprinkled some more powder into the seat of the diaper. We both laughed, and I felt her gently pat my butt. The room then smelled even more like a nursery. Soon after, all of the supplies were cleared from the bed, including the blanket. Once that was done, Jill removed her clothing and put on some pajama bottoms. No shirt, however, and yet I still told myself that she didn’t put one on because she was simply too hot. Still, a part of me had a gut feeling about why she decided not to wear one. It’d only be a bit longer until I found out. She hopped into the bed and held me close to her with one hand around my back and the other around my diaper. We stayed that way for a while, with Jill rocking me gently and holding me close. I reciprocated my love for her by holding onto her just as tightly. Then, a miracle. “My good widdle baby boy. Let’s lay you across mommy’s lap.” she said sweetly as she gently pushed me down. I wound up across her lap as she cradled my head and my diapered butt in her hands. “Is baby hungry? If not, it’s okay.” she cooed. I nodded my head with a smile and she quickly removed the pacifier from my mouth before she cradled me once more. Jill reached over to her night table and suddenly had a bottle in her hand. I felt myself melt into her arms as my mouth opened out of sheer desire and eagerness. I lightly grabbed the bottle and basked in the glory and comfort of being fed by the most amazing woman in the world…well, in my world, anyway. “Ohhhh yes, baby boy. My little baby, dwink up and then I can rock you to sleepy-bye.” Jill whispered. I just remained in place and sucked as Jill gently patted my butt. Nothing came out, but that wasn’t the point. No, the point was to make our bond greater, and it worked wonderfully. Jill’s breath grew a bit shorter, and even though my eyes were closed, I knew she was smiling. I opened my eyes to see her head lowered down and her chin pressed up against mine. I placed both of my hands around her back and held on even more as I continued to drink. There I was, a small infant in the arms of his parent. A man in the arms of his lover. “My baby boy. You’re such a good baby boy. Oh yes.” I felt a drop of liquid fall onto my cheek and immediately got worried. It was clear that she was crying. This was it. This would be the bitter end! I stopped for a brief second and looked at Jill, but when she looked up at me, she had a huge smile on her face. “I’m alright, baby. I’m just…happy. Mommy’s happy.” she laughed lightly. I sighed for a brief moment before returning to the bottle, and as I did so, we held onto each other even more tightly than before. “Okay, my baby. It’s time for beddy-bye!” Jill continued to hold me, though this time she rocked me even more than she had before and hummed some little lullaby. The tune sounded so angelic coming from her lips that my eyes quickly betrayed me. “Tomorrow there will be some more of this, I promise. Thank you, my baby. Now let’s go to sleep. I love you.” “I love you, too.” was the only phrase I spoke that night before we dozed off in each other’s arms.

Twenty-four. “No,” Madison answered with more certainty than I’d ever heard in her voice. That’s how I knew… “You’re lying.” “I’m fine.” “You aren’t convincing.” Finally, Madison sat up. She was upset. Wait, no, was she… angry? “Leave me alone, Jamie! I didn’t ask you to come here!” Before she could stop me, I shoved her arm, right where I’d tried to hug her only seconds before. She winced; actually, she recoiled. She actually looked sick. Dizzy, like she was going to throw up. “Madison.” It was my turn to be upset. I didn’t raise my voice but fuck if I didn’t sharpen it. My words could have cut glass. She froze in place. “I will work around all of the silly, specific idiosyncrasies that make you who you are, and I love you for them. But if you are hurt, there is nothing you can say to keep me from making sure you’re okay. Do you understand me?” “Love me…?” Madison blinked. “…what?” “You said… you love me?” she stared, wide-eyed and bewildered, oblivious to the tears dripping down her cheeks. Like everything else I said meant nothing. Like everything about her being hurt, and making sure she was okay… “Of course,” I mumbled, unable to meet her ever-present stare. Like she’d never again take her eyes off me, and I’d never again get to peek beyond her glasses without embarrassment washing over me. What the fuck was I thinking? “Now will you take off your damn jacket?” And to both of our surprise, she actually did. I didn’t know what to expect. Her dad always struck me as the kind of guy I shouldn’t trust. A loud, boisterous man, perhaps quick to anger the way he was quick to criticize his daughter over every little detail. It wasn’t unreasonable to think he would hit her, even if he didn’t mean it. A few bruises, here or there. Purple blotches infecting her otherwise beautiful, frail skin. Then again, her mom never struck me as a dumb woman either. She wasn’t the kind of person who wouldn’t notice. Maybe she was afraid of being hit. Or maybe her and Madison shared a mutual affection for make believe. Maybe she was content enough to bury herself in social obligations, party dinners, and charity fundraisers, so much so that letting a thought or two slip her mind - like why her daughter wears a hoodie to bed - was okay. Maybe she could turn a blind eye to other things too. When Madison took off her jacket, I saw her arms for the first time since grade school. No cardigan, no sweater, no coat. But it wasn’t bruises that decorated her arms above the elbow. They were cuts. Small, precise, parallel cuts. Intentional, practiced, polished cuts. And I realized all at once who the villain of the story was. “Oh, no…” She didn’t say anything. I had to say something. I had to do something. But what was I supposed to do? Splotches of dried blood decorated her left arm. Like a painting. My stomach spun in circles in the worst possible way. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” I told her, gently and leaving no room for argument. “Come on.” I took her hand in mine and walked her out of her bedroom and into the bathroom across the hall. I soaked a washcloth under warm water and found antiseptic and bandages behind the mirror. Madison sat down on the lid of the toilet, looking at anything but her arms. Well, her arms, and me. “It’s okay,” I told her, thought it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay. Fuck, was this not okay. But it would be. Right? I should say that. “It will be okay. Just relax.” Here, in the bright bathroom lights, I could get a better look. There was only one cut that was bleeding, or had been bleeding. Once I washed away the blood with the warm washcloth, it looked a lot better. A thin, jagged line, red and bright and sore. I put antiseptic on it all the same. The rest of the lines were pink or white, long since healed. I counted eleven. “It’s going to be okay,” I told her, but I wasn’t able to manage a convincing smile. I went to her other arm - the right side - but there wasn’t anything I could do. This side only had five lines. One was hard and red, recent. Last night, maybe? I rinsed the rag in the bathroom sink, and tried not to think about it. About how, if I’d stayed last night, or if I’d come over sooner… “Jamie?” “Hmm? Yeah?” I turned back to her with another fake smile. Fuck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Of course she’d say something like that. “I just don’t like seeing you hurt.” "I didn't want you to see." "That's not what I meant," I said with a touch of irritation, but I quickly let that ebb away into gentle concern. "I want you to be safe. This? This isn't safe." "It's fine," she shrugged. "It's not fine. It's not okay. And... and I just. Don't. Understand." That was the truth of the matter. An exasperated, undeniable, lack of understanding. "Why? Why would you..." She shrugged. How could she be so annoying and so beautiful at the same time? "Tell me how you feel. Even if it's stupid. Just try to help me understand here. Please." "It makes the bad things go away," she mumbled. "The dark things." “The ones that fill you up?” She nodded. I sighed softly and sat down on the bathroom floor, in front of the toilet, so I could look up at her. I tried to keep my stare from glossing over her arms, but when our eyes met… well it wasn’t so hard anymore. “Go on.” “They just shut up after I do it. Like… I got what was coming to me.” “You don’t deserve this, though. It’s not fair on you.” She shrugged again. Did she… really think she deserved it? “Madison. You don’t deserve it. No matter what those thoughts tell you, they aren’t real. They are just terrible, terrible things. They aren’t yours. They aren’t true.” Wait… “Madison… what was today’s thought? What has you so upset?” “My birthday is tomorrow,” she mumbled. “I hate my birthday.” “…because you’re getting older,” I guessed correctly. “I’ll never be as little as I am now, ever again… never be as cute. Never be… closer to…” “Oh…” This thought wasn’t like her other ones. The others were exaggerations. They were tricks her mind played on her. But this one was a statement of reality, fighting against her preference to ignore it. This thought was real and true and irrefutable. And that was what made this thought so dangerous, so scary, and it was what made me so useless. But there was one thing she was wrong about. “I’ve known you for ten years, Madison Bell, and honestly, sincerely, with all my heart, every single day, you only get cuter. And tomorrow, when you turn seventeen, you’ll be cuter still.” She faked a smile, but stifled a laugh. Maybe because I had gotten flowery with my words, or maybe because she thought it was a joke. Or maybe she was relieved that someone actually thought she was cute at her age. But it was progress. A step in the right direction. “Talk to me next time,” I said with a smile, a real one, because I honestly believed she might listen. I learned a lot of things about Madison that Sunday evening. I learned about her jackets and I learned about her scars. I learned about her fears and I learned another bad thought. I learned how important this little stuff was to her. But more remarkable, more surprising, more unbelievable than anything else: I learned Madison Bell was actually two and a half weeks older than me.

Twenty-three. Madison Bell hadn’t had a Dark Day in over a week. I liked to think I was the reason, but there was no evidence of that. Spring felt like it was coming early, with all the snow having melted long ago and the dandelions popping up in the school’s baseball field. But it was barely March. Conference season was over - I’d have to wait until June to get more material. Of course, these days, I didn’t have much time for editing anyway. One Friday, Madison let me sit in on her Little Day. We had a lot of fun watching movies and coloring in her coloring books. She wore a soft sweater that came down over her hands and covered most of her pajama shorts. The question of sippy cups was quickly answered. I made us pasta for dinner. It was strange sometimes, because Madison would act genuinely unlike a sixteen year old girl. Her words happened faster than her thoughts and every so often she’d get stuck in the middle of a sentence. She always held something against her chest in a hug, whether it was a pillow or a blanket or a stuffed animal. After only a few minutes of watching the movie, she slipped off the sofa onto the floor and would hit my leg whenever she wanted me to pay particular attention. And other times, she was as Madison as ever. She talked constantly about every thought that came into her head. She had really articulate, insightful ideas. She colored in the lines with pinpoint precision and shaded the edges where there would be shadows. It was like when Madison went into little girl mode, she didn’t lose anything that made her Madison Bell. I thought it would feel like babysitting, but it didn’t. It wasn’t very different to any other day. Madison was a little more forward, more decisive, more demanding. She knew what she wanted; it actually made her easier to handle! She wasn’t afraid to tell me things. She wasn’t encumbered with embarrassment or anxiety. There was no right or wrong choice, only hers and not hers. I would do things like make dinner and refill her juice, but Madison didn’t ask much of me. The biggest thing she wanted was my attention. But the most radical change in Madison was one I had taken for granted the first time I treated her like a kid: she absolutely adored being touched. Usually I couldn’t so much as brush Madison’s arm without her pulling away, but when she was little it was a completely different story. She played with my fingers and held onto my shirt, just to feel connected to me. She took my hand and put it on her head or in her hair or against her cheek. She shuffled into me and leaned against me. Sometime late in the evening, when she was curled up against my chest and my finger drew circles on her back, I took the initiative to push my lips against her forehead. My lips, her skin. Everything radiated warmth and all the colors bled brightness. Madison exhaled and melted into me, but by then I had melted into everything about her. For a second, just one, we were a puddle of person, rather than people ourselves. Together, the word rang in my head. Two days later, inevitability struck like lightning in a storm. << Polly wants to go to the mall. Thoughts? << I have a huge umbrella so the rain isn’t a big deal. << We don't have to go obviously. << You alright? << Madison? << Dark Day? << Madison Elizabeth you answer me right now young lady!! That usually worked… << It’s been three hours, I’m coming over. I pounded on her door. I was still holding the umbrella open, even though the roof covered the front porch. It was Sunday - her parents should be home, right? I’d only met her dad a few times, but her mom was sometimes here on the weekends. I kept knocking. There was no answer. << I am downstairs. << I’m not going home until someone opens this door. << I am going to catch a cold in this rain. << Madison… please talk to me Fuck. I kept knocking. No one answered. I went around to the side of the house, holding the umbrella up over my head to shelter myself from the rain. Of course, as I trudged along the grass, my shoes started to soak through. I finally found the window facing the back fence - Madison’s window. I picked up a pebble from the dirt at my feet and threw it at the glass. I heard a light ‘tink’. Lightning cracked and I almost jumped out of my skin. My heart was racing when I tossed the second pebble at the window, and another crack of lightning came as I tossed the third. I don’t know how many rocks I threw, but every time I escalated the size of the rock I was afraid it would smash right through the glass. Finally, I saw a flicker in the window and the curtains were pulled open. Madison. I waved the umbrella and she disappeared from the window. I ran round the house to the front door just as Madison opened it and I pushed myself inside. Madison looked at me blankly, with quiet eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you here?” she asked. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?” I countered. “It’s off.” “Dark Day?” She shrugged. “Why didn’t you call me?” She shrugged again. “I’m supposed to be helping you through these days, you know,” I said softly, trying to steady my anxiety. Honestly, she had scared me… “Nothing to be done.” She turned and walked back up the stairs. I reached for her wrist, but she pulled it back so hard she actually fell backwards onto the staircase. I hesitated, three steps down from where she fell. “Sorry,” I muttered, but she didn’t say anything. She got back to her feet and went up the stairs again. She was wearing pajama pants and that gray zip-up. Her hair wasn’t curled. Was she like this last night? I took off my shoes and followed her up to her room, but by the time I got there, Madison had already crawled back into bed. Great… “Why won’t you talk to me about this? You told me last time.” Last time had been about her mom. Madison would get thoughts that filled her up with bad feelings and poured out all the good ones. “You’re bothering everyone.” “No one cares what you have to say.” “You’re a bad person.” “You can’t do anything right.” One, persisting, constant sentence, sucking the color out of everything. But which one was it this time? I crawled into Madison’s bed. “You know you aren’t bothering me, right?” I reminded her. “I want to help. I like helping.” She didn’t answer. She was facing away from me, at the wall. “Did you do something wrong? Nobody’s perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes.” No response. Not even a shrug, not even a twitch. I didn’t understand… “Madison? Please. I can help.” “No,” she said quietly, harshly, like the drop of a marble on a table. “You can’t.” “Let me try.” Madison returned to silence and I put my back against the headboard. What was the right thing to do? “We can watch a Disney movie? I’ll get you some juice and you can show me one of your nice dresses you keep talking about.” The quiet in the room was deafening. “Do you have other little things you don’t show me? I looked up a lot of stuff online about it, so I was just wondering. I’d love to know more about it. And I can make us some cookies or pick up a Happy Meal from McDonalds. I know they have My Little Pony toys right now, or Avengers ones, I think? It’s not Polly Pocket but—” “Stop.” Her voice was unmistakable, quiet and desperate. She was crying. Damnit… “I’m sorry, I—” “Please just stop, please stop… I cant do this…” I hesitated at another word, at talking again, but I couldn’t sit here and watch her tremble like that. I couldn’t leave her be when I knew she was crying… “I’m going to hug you,” I told her, and did just that. I scooted in next to her, under her blanket, until my body was right up against hers. I set my arm down on top of hers, but her shoulder twitched. She shoved me away, putting a foot of space between us, and almost fell out of the bed. Then I remembered the last time she did that. I remembered something else, too… “Madison,” I muttered, quieter than I think I had ever spoken to anyone. She didn’t answer. I didn’t want her to answer, because I knew the answer already. I didn’t even want to ask. “Madison, are you hurt?”

Twenty-two. I slammed my palms on the glass, but they didn’t leave any smudges or prints. The me on the other side didn’t raise a finger. She smiled, that warm, fake, sickly smile. I was cold all over. I could see my breath in front of me. Everything was so dark… “Stay put,” she mouthed, words absent and lost on the other side of the mirror. But I knew them well. She always said those words. I balled my hands into fists and hit the glass with the full swing of my arms. It rumbled and failed to crack. Tears dripped down my cheeks. I watched her walk away, the Jamie behind the mirror, free on the other side. Straight in front of me, across the hallway, was another mirror, staring back at me. But there was no girl in this reflection. I dragged my fingernails along the glass, but it made no sound. I screamed, but no one could hear it. For the first time in a long time, I threw up. I hovered my head over the rim of the toilet, still lost in a senseless, sleeping delirium. Everything felt like the dream was only a tug away. At any point, it could pull me back in. I threw up again. “Jay?” “Mmm…” “You okay?” I heard from the other side of the bathroom door. “Mmm. Yeah.” “Want breakfast?” “No thanks,” I mumbled, fighting to keep my eyes open. Was it morning? Had I fallen asleep again? I flushed the toilet and pulled myself to my feet. On my way to the sink, I avoided looking in the mirror. I splashed water on my face. It wasn’t helping. “You sick?” Mom asked when I got out of the bathroom. “Seems so,” I sighed and fell into my chair at the kitchen table. “Want to stay home?” I shook my head. “You sure?” “I’ll feel better when I get to school,” I told her. I’d feel better when I got to Biology. Sure enough, the second I saw that bright smile, those beautiful milky brown eyes, it was like last night had never happened. Madison Bell was a dream herself, one that beat out the badness of even the worst nightmares. She was reality’s reciprocal to the imaginary. She was serenity. “Okay, so,” Madison started, “I have this paper due on Wednesday, and I thought instead of writing up a draft and messing it up a hundred times, I’d just come to you right away! So here I am. I was thinking, dinner tonight? We can go over an outline. And we can go anywhere you want - my treat - to pay you back. Sounds good, right? I thought so.” “Yeah, yeah. Whatever excuse you need to buy me more food, right?” She was in a good mood today, wasn’t she? Madison had taken to sitting at the desk right beside mine. Ellen’s desk, to be specific, which irritated her to no end. But that was the thing about Madison: you just couldn’t stay mad at her. I knew firsthand. So Ellen started sitting in the seat in front of her old one - an empty one - and Madison permanently moved in. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” Madison tried to hide a smile. I rolled my eyes. “What about lunch?” she went on. “You gonna be in the Writing Workshop?” “Probably.” “Okay I’ll see you there too, and I’ll bring some M&Ms or something.” Ever the child. But since my Christmas money had started to dwindle, lunch had become an ‘every once in a while’ thing, rather than an ‘everyday’ thing. I hated to think of myself as taking advantage of Madison, but with how much money she spent on me… well, it was hard not to draw a comparison. At lunch, Madison brought candy bars and M&Ms. I wondered if, left to her own devices, she would eat nothing but junk food. I opted out of her M&Ms. “You aren’t going to eat?” she asked. “You didn’t have breakfast, did you?” I shrugged, reading over one of the papers I was editing for an author on the east coast. He published a book last year. I loved editing his drafts. “What’s up? Everything okay?” When I didn’t answer, Madison poured the whole pack of M&Ms over the paper I was reading. They clattered together and distracted me away from the print. I sighed. “You buy me too much stuff.” “That’s what you’re worried about?” she asked. “I don’t buy you anything. My parents do. And you don’t even like them, do you?” “Not exceptionally,” I admitted. “So let’s just spend all their money together.” Together. I liked that. So I ate an M&M. “There we go!” Madison smiled like an angel, like she looked wrong without a halo. After a minute of quiet admiration, I decided to turn the tables on her line of questioning. If we were going to get personal… “So why can’t I come over during your Little Days?” “We are at school,” she said with a sour tone, but I watched color filling up her cheeks. “Can’t we talk about this later?” “We’re alone.” No one ever came into the Writing Workshop during lunch. Well, with the exception of present company. “And I want to talk about it. I’ve babied you before.” “Jamie!” She gave me a hard look. That was something entirely new. Madison never used to show frustration, not unless she was pushed to it. I was finally seeing all these new sides to her, all these new angles, new corners, new colors. It was starting to paint a fuller picture of the honest truth: I was absolutely smitten with this girl. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” “Like hell,” she said flatly, coloring herself with a darker shade of pink. Wow, Madison blushing… “We talked about this,” I reminded her. “It makes you happy. It helps you when your thoughts are all over the place. And it’s cute!” “I think you are mixing up the definition of cute with weird.” She stuffed her face with a Snicker’s bar. How is that not cute?! How could she even deny it? “It’s weird, but in a cute Madison-esque way. Like. Uniquely you. And I liked it. Taking care of you. Isn’t that what being little is all about? Being safe and cared for?” Madison didn’t have an answer for me, but I didn’t need one. I already had an answer. She just stared at the table between us, drawing with her index finger in some imaginary coloring book. “So you like it. I like it. What’s the problem then?” And then Madison said something I really didn’t expect. Her tone was quiet, nearly a whisper, and her eyes wouldn’t look up at me. “It’s not your job to take care of me.” Well, she had a point, didn’t she? It wasn’t my job to take care of her. It was her mom’s job, or her dad’s job. But they weren’t doing a very good job at all. Was I just filling in? No, that wasn’t it. I liked to see her lips turn up the right way. I liked to watch the shimmer in her eyes reflect off the insides of her glasses. I liked to make her heart fill up all warm and soft. I loved it. I loved making her feel exactly the same way she made me feel every single day. “It’s not my job,” I admitted. “It’s my pleasure.”

Thanks again for the feedback! I appreciate it. Here are the next 2 chapters. Chapter Five Jill and I walked into my bedroom. She held her bag close as I again shut the door and locked it. I had to keep my bases secured! “Okay, John. Now, where are these diapers that you bought?” I went into the closet and dug out the shoebox, then handed it to Jill. She removed the top and smiled. “These are so cute! They’re like a big baby’s diaper!” “Hehe, that’s-that’s why I bought them.” I blushed more. “Awww. Well then, I imagine you might be very embarrassed about me seeing you naked and all, but please know that I’ve seen guys before. So, there’s nothing to worry about.” “O-okay. This is just new for me, so I’m really nervous and excited.” “It’s okay! Would-would you like me to undress you?” Jill asked kindly. “Would I?” I laughed. “Alright then, my baby! Lie down on the bed, please.” I did as I was instructed and faced the ceiling, my legs partially hanging off the end of the bed. “I think it’s time to get you into a fwesh diaper!” Jill cooed as she removed my shorts and boxers. I felt myself melt into the bed. I was half naked, on my bed, with a beautiful young woman waiting to put a diaper on me. I knew that sooner or later I’d become aroused, but I did my best to stop it from happening, for Jill would’ve probably become upset. My entire body turned to putty as she smiled down at me. “What a cutie pie!” Jill said as she placed three diapers and the other baby items on the bed next to me. “Would you like your pacifier?” I nodded with a smile as I felt my face continue to burn with excitement and embarrassment. Jill giggled lightly as she took the pacifier out of the package and gently placed it into my mouth. I sucked on it and couldn’t help but smile even further. “Awwww, what a cute widdle baby! Now, it’s diaper time for you, little man!” Jill opened up the baby wipes and pulled a few out, smiling as she smelled them. “Smells so nice! See?” she said as she waved the wipes in front of my nose. I nodded as I sucked on the pacifier. Jill then slowly started to wipe me down, making sure to get everywhere that the diaper would be covering. The feeling was beyond my comprehension, and I soon felt like I was floating on thin air. “Now, I need your help with this part. Can you help lift your legs up? I’ll still hold onto them, too, I just think it’ll make things easier.” I soon raised my legs just a bit, and Jill cooed and responded with, “Aww, what a good widdle baby!” Jill then placed her one arm under both of my legs as if to lift them, then wiped my backside ever so gently. The feeling was heavenly! I felt a bond between me and Jill that was stronger than any bond I’d ever had with another person…even my own parents. I lowered my legs once Jill was finished, and then she took the canister of baby powder and twisted the cap open. I could immediately smell the infantile scent of the powder as some of it escaped through the little holes on the top of the container. That’s when I couldn’t avoid becoming aroused, and I started to blush and feel a bit ashamed, but I didn’t let Jill know. “Hmm, you like this, eh? It’s okay. I’d be a bit startled if you didn’t get like that during a time like this. Now, it’s time to powder you up, sleepy baby! No dydee rash for you!” she giggled. I sighed and continued to suck on the pacifier as I heard those words escape Jill’s lips. Thankfully she didn’t care about my reaction. That was what I was most afraid of, because while I did feel a sense of bliss, this other feeling wasn’t something that I was expecting, and I was so sure that it would ruin the moment. Boy was I wrong! Jill shook the powder with ease until she was satisfied that my skin was as white as snow. The smell brought my high to a new level as I felt Jill gently rubbing the powder in. I felt my breaths grow shorter as she continued this motion. “Okay, mister. Could you lift up again for me?” I lifted my legs once again, and Jill then powdered my bottom generously, giggling lightly as she did so. I too giggled as I continued to keep the pacifier in my mouth. “You’ve got to be the best baby I’ve taken care of!” she laughed. “Most babies I watch kick and squirm! But not you! No, you’re too good of a baby waby to do that, aren’t ya? Ohhh yes you are!” I’ve heard of people who claimed that they’ve been awakened after going to a spiritual gathering or who’ve found out who they truly were after they’d suffered some form of torture. I for one will gladly admit that this experience brought out every good feeling my body could come up with. It was like I’d just been given some super potent muscle relaxant, only it was laced with some kind of ecstasy that made me think about nothing but the situation at hand. Once done with the powder, Jill then grabbed a diaper off of the bed and carefully opened it up. “Awwwwww, just wook at this dydee! All big and puffy, and so cute with the prints on it! I can see why you got these! I bet they look so cute on you, too! Hehe now I get to find out! Keep those legs up, baby!” Jill said playfully as she waved the diaper around. I did as she instructed, and soon she slid the diaper gently beneath me, making sure that it came up just above my backside. She lowered my legs down and smiled at me some more. “Mmm, you smell so fresh! You know what that means! It’s time to get that cute diaper on you!” She seems as though she’s enjoying this just as much as I am! “Oh yes! Dydee time for you! Here we go!” Jill grabbed the front of the diaper and carefully placed it just above my waistline. She then worked on the left side of the diaper until it was all taped up nice and snug, then did the same on the right side. I’d done it! I’d just been diapered for the first time! “Alllll done! You cute little baby! You and your cute dydee and you lil’ pacifier. Awwwww.” she gently patted the front of my diaper, completely fine with my manhood’s current state of excitement. I went to sit up, but Jill giggled as she pushed me back down, lifted my shirt, and lightly muzzled my stomach, making me laugh. “Tickwish baby! That’s you! Yes it is!” I briefly took the pacifier out of my mouth and gave Jill a heartfelt “thank you.” She again said it was no problem and then told me that the night wasn’t over yet. She asked me if I’d like to crawl around for a bit before she fed me, to which I nodded my head and made my way to the floor. “Hm...would you like me to go down there with you, baby?” “Mhm!” Jill sat down on the floor while I briefly crawled around. She gently patted my diapered butt and tickled me some. After a bit of crawling, she placed both hands on either side of my body, pulled me into her lap and started tickling and muzzling me more, cooing the whole time. “Gootchie goo! You cutie pie! You’re so cute!” she was on a cuteness rampage as she continued to tickle me! I couldn’t help but bust out in laughter and eventually my pacifier fell out of my mouth from laughing so hard. I didn’t cry or anything silly like that. I just laughed even harder, and Jill as well. “I think it’s time for you to eat, mister! Let’s go into the living room, okay? You want to crawl there or do you want me to help you in?” she looked at me with complete adoration, as if I was a real infant. I knew she couldn’t carry me there, but I still wished she could. I asked that she helped me in since I felt a bit silly crawling around. She completely understood and got me to my feet. “Okay baby! Here we go! A little bit at a time! I’ve got you!” Jill said as she grabbed my hand with one of hers and placed her other hand where my diaper and my lower back met. We made our way to the couch, and she told me to wait right there as she got my food ready. I of course complied. I didn’t want to be mischievous or silly…no, I just wanted to be babied and nothing else! Jill came through the hallway as I sat on the couch, and I couldn’t help but smile. I had just as much adoration for her as she did for me, and I think she knew it, because she sat down on the end of the couch and motioned for me to go to her. I moved over to her, and she instantly placed my head up by her shoulder with a pillow against the arm of the couch so I was propped up. She then held me even more tightly than before with her one hand beneath my diapered butt and the other with a bottle in her hand. “I think you know what time it is, baby! Baba time! Drink up!” she cooed as she gently guided the bottle’s nipple to my mouth. I gladly accepted the bottle and soon started sucking away at it as Jill gently rocked me and patted my butt. The feeling, added with everything else that had happened, soon made me appreciate more than just the weekend’s events. My family, my friends, Jill…my life, all just really made me happy. I didn’t think about any assignments I had to do, or how much I was going to miss Jill when she left, or anything negative. I simply thought about where I was then and now. I was a mere baby who was being cared for by a wonderful woman who simply adored the person I was. The bottle was finished in ten minutes, and Jill giggled as she told me in a babyish voice how quick of a drinker I was. “Let’s get those little bubbles out of baby’s tummy. Come on up here.” Jill cooed as she sat me up and placed my head over her shoulder. My legs found their way around Jill, but I made sure that I wasn’t actually sitting on her, as I knew I was a bit bigger than she was. Jill stroked my hair again and started to pat my back and diapered bottom gently as she continued to rock back and forth. I held onto her so tightly at that moment that I didn’t think anyone could’ve gotten us apart if they tried. I was became aroused once again as Jill continued to coo me and burp me. I let out a few fake burps just to add to the feeling, and Jill got a kick out of this. “Awwwwwwww, burpy-wurpy! Good baby boy! Hmmm, I feel something in your diaper…does my baby need another changey-wangey?” she cooed as she looked at me with a grin. Now, Jill knew that I didn’t want to try using my diaper, but I think she asked me this question not because she thought that I had actually used it, but because she knew that it added to the feeling that I’d yearned for. That, and she was obviously aware of my erection. I jokingly shook my head no and laughed a bit. “Are you sure?” “Mhm!” I smiled. “I think you may need a diaper change, baby! Let’s check your cute lil’ dydee!” she cooed even more as she took her hand and pulled on the back of my diaper as if to check it. “Nothing there…” she giggled. Jill then sat me a tiny bit away from her and felt the front of my diaper, which made me squirm with pleasure. “Awwwwwww I tink you need to be changed again! You need another nice, fwesh dydee and some powder, don’t you? Don’t you? Oh yes you do! Yes you do!” I giggled and wondered what Jill had planned. She gently helped me off of the couch and led me back into my bedroom the same way she’d led me out. Instead of laying me back on my bed, Jill took my blanket, laid it out on the floor, and motioned for me to lay down on it. Without hesitation I laid back on the blanket and smiled. I could feel my manhood trying to stick straight up, but the diaper made it impossible. Jill noticed, too. She grabbed the diaper changing supplies off of the bed and gently set them next to me on the blanket. Then, she moved my legs apart and knelt down in between them. “I know you didn’t use your diaper,” she laughed, “I just thought it’d add to the fun and feeling. Here’s your pacifier, mister!” What did I tell you? I accepted the pacifier again and prepared for the last diaper change I’d get for the night. “Let’s get you out of this dydee and into a nice, new one! Yessss. Then baby will be all fwesh and happy! I’ll make sure you’re nice and snug in your dydee again. Ohh yes I will!” Jill leaned over me a bit so she could reach the tapes of the diaper. She ripped open the left tapes, then worked on the right side until the front of the diaper slowly peeled down. I was definitely dry, but Jill still wanted me to feel as babyish as I possibly could. “Awww, you wet your dydee! Poor baby! It okey dokey! Jilly’s here to give you a dydee wydee changey wangey! Oop! And what’s this?” she cooed as she pulled the front of the diaper further down and saw what she had felt earlier. “Aww that must be uncomfortable, being all twapped in your dydee. It’s okay! I’ll take good care of you!” No way. This is a dream! I’ll wake up and she won’t be here! And-oh… Jill covered my manhood with the opened diaper and pressed down a bit. That was when I had to make sure that she wanted this. Part of me couldn’t shake the thought that she may have felt obligated to do this, so I asked if she was okay with it, just to make sure. “Shhh. I’m completely fine with it.” was all she said with a smile on her face. So I allowed her to continue for a moment as my body continued to reawaken itself even further. It made me wonder if this is how someone felt when they woke up from a coma. I could feel the cloth pressed against me as Jill continued to lovingly make me feel extra special. I could barely take it anymore, and I truly thought that I was going to burst, but Jill wouldn’t stop. It was like she wanted me to experience this, and so I did. I no longer restricted myself and let my body finish its natural process. I was invincible! I smiled as if I’d just conquered the planet with Jill at my side! “Alllll better! Now let’s finish getting your diaper changed.” And so she did. Just like before, she started the diapering process, making sure to remove my old diaper, wipe me and powder me generously once again, and get a new diaper all ready for me. This time, Jill baby talked me even further than she had the last time. “Here we go! Another nice dydee for you! Oh yess. So thick and comfy on your widdle bottom! First we lift your legs, then we slide the dydee underneath you, and then we lower you back down. And finally, here it comes! We tape up your cute dydee allllll nice and snug! Awwww there you are!” she said as she gently tickled my stomach with her hand. “Jill…thank you.” “You’re quite welcome. Now, would you like me to cradle you a bit?” I nodded my head, and Jill popped the pacifier back into my mouth as she sat up on the bed and kindly asked me to lay down across her lap with my legs partially lifted. I did as she asked, and she then placed one hand under my diapered butt and the other beneath my back and slowly started to rock me again, making sure to look down at me as if I were nothing but a helpless infant. “My cute baby…yesss it’s cradle time! Back and forth we go…” she hummed as she continued. We sat like that for almost a half hour, Jill and I. This woman was a Godsend, without a doubt. I knew that there’d never be anybody else to replace her in my life, and at that moment, after everything we’d been through and all of the years that we’d gotten to know each other, I then wished to be with her. Jill finished cradling me and asked, “Was that fun?” with a smile on her face. I nodded vigorously and thanked her at least forty times as I hugged her tightly. She returned the hug, only this time she moved in to kiss me, her lips just landing on the edge of mine. One kiss led to another, and we were soon both lying on my bed, kissing each other more and more passionately. Jill removed her pants, shirt, and bra, and I switched back over from a diaper to boxers (hey, that’d be a bit odd if you ask me!). Our make out session lasted for about two hours, and oddly enough, neither of us had sex on the brain; it just wasn’t what we wanted that night. I went to sleep that night with my arms around Jill, dreading the thought of her leaving the following morning. She told me she’d come back another weekend, or that I’d be able to come see her sometime, but I’d soon find out that people change…drastically. Chapter Six The morning came rather quickly on that Sunday. Jill had her things packed in almost no time, and we grabbed a quick bite to eat for breakfast. Both of us had homework to do since we’d spent most of the weekend with each other (not that either of us minded). Once breakfast was eaten, I walked Jill back to her car with a slight feeling of separation anxiety in my chest. Visions of her using her maternal instincts on me strengthened my bond with her, and I knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other for a few more weeks. “It’ll go by faster than you think!” she said as I put her bags in her trunk. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” “Well, I guess this is goodbye!” “Wait, Jill. I—thank you. Not just for last night, but for this whole weekend. I hope you had as much of a good time as I did.” “Yeah.” That one word and the way it was said should’ve been my first clue that something was up, but no. I brushed it off and hugged my friend. Her door closed, and then she was on her way back, away from me. I smiled as I kept thinking about the time we had. From golfing to me being babied, the weekend went by flawlessly, and I felt like a new man. I’d never felt that way about anyone, and Jill allowed me to put so much trust in her! Such a dark secret I had and such a rare thing for someone like me to find a woman like her! But, all good things must come to an end, and I had to learn it the hard way… A couple of weeks had passed. Classes went fine, and the friendship between me and my suitemates grew tremendously. Dan and Chris (my other suitemate) definitely liked a lot of the same things as I did, and we talked about pretty much anything (with the exception of you know what). I knew I’d consider them my brothers within just a few more months! Jill, on the other hand, messaged me less and less with the passage of time. Our conversations would end abruptly with a “I g2g...bye!” and then she’d vanish. No emails, no calls. I told myself that she was busy and that she’d be coming up the following week. She didn’t. Instead, she sent me a text message with some excuse in which I can’t even remember. I was crushed! I’d had my share of people stand me up before, but this time it hurt worse than ever before. I hadn’t even asked her to come and baby me that weekend because I really just wanted to spend some more time with her. Sure, being babied would have been lovely, but at the same time, I didn’t feel that I needed it then. I called Jill on the Sunday of that weekend to ask her if she wanted me to come up to visit her one weekend, but I got her voicemail. What’s the sense in leaving a message? Something’s wrong…but what could it be? Does she hate me? Is she freaked out? I have to know! Unanswered questions ran through my brain for the following three days, and they got in the way of my normal daily routine. I couldn’t focus in class, I wasn’t very hungry, and I kept telling myself that it was my fault. Then that Wednesday night, she appeared on the messenger program. Me: Jill! Where’ve you been? Jill: Around. Me: I’m sorry you couldn’t make it out this past weekend, but I was wondering if you wanted me to come up sometime. I’d love to visit! Jill: Doesn’t matter to me. Something was terribly wrong! This wasn’t Jill! Me: You okay? You’ve been acting kind of strange lately… Jill: Meh. What’s it to you? Me: Are you serious right now? I’m your friend and I care about you! There was no answer for a few minutes. That’s when I knew what would happen, but like a moth that’s attracted to the flame, I went further in. Me: Did I say or do something wrong a couple of weeks ago? I mean, it seems that ever since you left here you’ve stopped talking to me, but you seemed to be enjoying yourself when we hung out. Jill: Oh, John…how do I put this… Was she gay? Did I creep her out? The box was about to be opened! Jill: I just…look. You’re a really great guy. Oh no… Jill: And I did have a great time with you and all, but… No…no! No! This can’t be it! God! She was supposed to be the one! She knows everything! Jill: I just don’t see myself settling down with you. Me: So you stopped talking to me for a few weeks because of it? There must be something else going on, Jill. I’m not stupid, you know. There was a brief period of silence, which only made my level of suspicion higher. I imagine Jill sensed that I was angry even though I was hiding behind a computer monitor. Then, the shocker. Jill: I found out that I’m pregnant. Me: You’re fucking kidding me. Jill: No. I’m not. This guy I met at a party during the first week of college…we had a fling. At first I was torn between you and him, but…he wants to raise the child with me, and he’s a great guy. A nightmare. That’s what this was. A living nightmare. The woman I fell for had just chosen not to catch me, and I hit the ground. Hard. Me: I see…so you just took me for a test drive? Jill: No! Nooo. I mean, I didn’t know if I was in love with you or with Nick at the time. I was confused. She’d slept with another man. She’d found love somewhere else. Her life was ruined, and mine was soon to follow. Me: So this is it? We’re “just friends” now? There’s no hope? No chance for us? Jill: I don’t want you to bear the burden of having to raise my child with me, John. You’re a great guy and you’ve got so much going for you. Me: And once again, I’m left for dead… Jill: Oh come on! Don’t talk like that! Me: No, Jill! I will talk like that! I told you everything! EVERYTHING there is to know about me, and you accepted me for who I am! For God’s sake, you gave me the experience of a lifetime, and this is what happens. You go and sleep with some dude and get knocked up! Jill: … Me: I love you, Jill! You had the opportunity to go out with me and you let it slip through your fingers! Now you’re going out with some guy because he got you pregnant. You can’t be going out with him because you love him, Jill. If you loved him you’d have talked to me about him long ago and you wouldn’t have even thought about going out with me! Then, the bombshell. Jill: Ohhh yeah. Like I’d want to go out with someone who doesn’t want to be a man all of the time. Through the heart her words went. Like daggers they cut deep into me, and I gasped in horror. I grabbed my phone and called Jill, my brain under an irreversible state of shock, rage, and sadness. Her phone rang only twice before she picked up. “John, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mea-” “I can’t believe you!” I screamed as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. “You would use my secret against me?! Is that what I am to you?! A half of a man?!” “I-I was mad and—” “You have made a fool of me, Jill, and you have broken my heart!” “John,” I could hear her voice crack, “I’m so sorry…I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” “I will forgive you when I feel that you actually mean that you’re sorry! Until then, don’t talk to me! Don’t call, don’t message me, and don’t even think of me for at least a month!” I shut my phone and threw it on the floor as I sobbed. I’d been betrayed a few times before, but never by somebody so close to me. And to make things worse, she’d delivered a low blow with enough force to bring me to my knees. I couldn’t stand for the half hour following our ugly conversation. The next few days my head kept replaying Jill’s last few words. “Please forgive me!” Forgive her? How could I forgive her when I could no longer forgive myself for sharing with her what I was? My perception of Jill was altered in an instant. As for my perception of myself? Let’s just say that I plummeted to many nights of drinking, sobbing, and shuddering at the thoughts of my old best friend. There was no magic, no surgery, and no cure to piece my heart and soul back together. I would continue to beat myself up over this matter well into the end of my first semester at college, and only after months of tormenting myself would I regain my self-confidence.