Mommies and Daddies

Yes, it was an wonderful day

if I recall, that phenomena is called the lightbulb effect.

Chapter 54 Ch...ch, That God’s House   Cait opened her mouth wide, a hiccup of breath shaking her jaw, and she sat up in bed. She looked around the not (azactly) dark room, the curtains pulled just so, a gift from Auntie, so that she could see a little bit and wasn’t scared. The farmland on the dresser was one-se again hiding all the persons by the rules of night. The kalt was almost just-appeared.   She felt some warmth in her underwears, and knew that she pre-peed a little in her sleep, but the bed was still not wetted, so it wasn’t full wet, yet. The bed-town along side of her bed, closer to the bottom so she had space to get up, was fully up and she knew it was quiet there with people still sleep in the two or three blocks that were one house, but a lot of these, so it was a town.   There was bit of light through the open of the curtain, that let light in, and the sky was look not dark black, but more like it was light with a deep orange and red haze. It was the second Sunday in June. It was just one day after the first week with the Kinsellas, where Cait knew Sean as Uncle, and then Uncle-Daddy, and then Cow-Daddy. He was the safe one. It was okay to get up even if she pees the floor.   The ghost sat on the edge of the bed, it’s head turned towards Cait but it’s body trying to face the window. The dress was soaking wet and stained that it had on. It’s eyes were just dark holes of black.   “Sure, get up,” the ghost told Cait. “Dairy Dad won’t say a thing, but you know yourself, you are going to pee in a minute. You can even clean the stain up off the floor, but then you’ll be a liar.”   Cait paused.   “You promised something last night, but I guess your promises don’t mean nothing?”   Cait looked down. “What did I promise?”   “That your new pony comes first, or are you too stupid to be member?”   Cait wet a little pre-pee in her underwears.   “Well, staying in bed isn’t doing the promise, too.”   “I never said it was, but if you go into the bathroom, or make a stain on the floor, you know what will happen. First, you won’t be doing your promise that Summerstone is first, and second, if you ignore the floor to care for Summerstone, then that means Auntie has to clean up your stupid stuff.”   “What do I do?”   “Honestly? No Kookaberry bites?”   “I want to do my promise, ghost. What do I do?”   “Hurry up and pee in the bed. That’s where you are supposed to pee at. Then you go straight out to Summerstone, and change your pajamas after Summerstone is taken care of, like you promised.”   “I could just go outside, peeing my pants outside.”   “And if you don’t make it outside, then Auntie cleans up the floor all the way as far as you get while you are peeing? Put your hand in your pajamas and feel your Undies. Then, you tell me that you are not going to start getting pee pee for real on the floor.”   Cait felt some more pee soak into her underwears. Her face was hot and she shivered in bed. “You’re right. It’s not going to wait long.”   “Just pee your pants here, so Auntie only has to wash the sheets. Then put Summerstone first, like you said. You’re not a liar?”   Cait spread her legs a little and it started pouring into the bed and she felt her chest get sore and her body shook. Her eyes hurt. Her pajamas got wetter and wetter. She shook, but she peed. And then it was over. The wet pajamas clung to her.   “Go take care of Summerstone or be a liar,” the ghost whispered a smile on its face as it faded into the shadow of the large wardrobe.   Cait sighed deeply, and pushed the blankets back. A lake in the bed, her pajamas clinging to her, she put her feet over the side of the bed, and she slid down to the floor. The house felt really quiet. She reached back across the bed and pulled Kookaberry to her, and then took Kookaberry’s lease, that suspender thing that Auntie uses, and she hung it round her neck and clipped the bear to it so it hung on her stomach.   Her bedroom door was always open at night now.   “Cait,” Auntie had rubbed the small girl’s legs last night when she had her tucked in bed. “How about we leave your bedroom door open tonight?”   “Yeah?”   “Yeah. You choose to close the door when you want, pet. I don’t want you to ever feel any room in the house is off limits to you during the day, and at night, well, if you are scared, you knock, but mostly, Uncle and Auntie’s room is off limits when we are in there unless we already invited you in, okay?”   “Okay.”   “No more doors inside, unless someone is in the bathroom.”   Cait had taken a deep breath. “Why suddenly?”   “Oh… just something your mom said when we were talking. I don’t want you to be scared to get up in the night if you need. I don’t mean just for the toilet, lassie. I mean for water if you need it, I mean to watch TV at four in the morning because you can’t sleep anymore, and I mean, just when you really need to not feel stuck.”   “Okay.”   Auntie and Uncle Sean. They don’t act like they know everything, but they do. Auntie knew I wouldn’t leave the bedroom with the door closed unless I heard them first… unless I had to pee, now. And she knew I would be scared to go into rooms that were closed off. She knew it. I don’t know how she knew. I don’t think Mama knew, so I don’t know what Mama told her.   Cait looked down the empty kind of dark-kind of light balcony hallway to the Uncle and Auntie’s room. The door was closed. The bathroom light shined into the hall. That door was open.   She tiptoed to the stairs and looked down at the clock that was just sort of lit enough. It had the little hand on the four and the big hand on the two. 4-2 in her way of telling time.   Walking as quiet as possible, she crept down the stairs to the kitchen. The sun’s light was peeking up into the sky giving it some blue now. There was a little deep red and orange in the sky, still. The kitchen was as if no one had ever been in it except to clean it. No dishes, no chairs out, nothing that proved anyone should be in it.   “Summerstone,” she breathed to herself. She got to the back door.   “You don’t come out here on your own,” Uncle Sean told her. “Not until I know you can understand the animals right. Snakes shouldn’t be up here everyday now the bulls are closer to the house, but still, sometimes things happen. You only come out there if you know I’m out there and you only go to your pen and those places between on your own. I want you to wander, but I want you to do it in safety, love.”   Cait hung her head.   “Summerstone,” a whisper reminded her. “Are you breaking your promise?”   “Cait,” Kookaberry whispered to her. “Is it breaking your promise if you knock on your Uncle’s door and make sure he is outside, first? Is it breaking your promise to follow his rules so you can do safe things?”   Cait closed her eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispered aloud.   “I know that Uncle Sean and Auntie are scared of snakes, and you are near it. I know Auntie will yell. She not mean. She yell because snake is serious. That boy last night… he telled you, right? A snake killed the little boy.”   “A bull did,” Cait countered.   “No. The bull was safe for the boy. The boy wouldn’t go in the pen if he or Uncle got scared of the bull. The snake scared the bull. The bull did was accident. The accident get made from the snake. And….”   Cait had started to argue about the horns.   “And…,” Kookaberry’s soft arm seemed to fall just right to brush Cait’s arm. “Even if the bull wasn’t there, and the boy was….”   “The snake bites,” Cait whispered understanding that the snake was always the danger.   “I could have went to the bathroom, huh?”   Kookaberry seemed to shake its head. “I stayed quiet for because it was wrong to stop you peeing.”   “Why?   “Your underwears were not just wet, Cait. You were peeing in the pajamas, and if I chomped the ghost, you still would be sitting in a puddle in the hall thinking you should have made it. You already started to wet the bed. You were waking up, but you were really wet. You remember. You felt it.”   “Yeah.”   “Sometimes, the ghost isn’t wrong about you just peeing, it’s just it’s reasons haven’t been right yet.”   “Yeah?”   “Yeah,” Kookaberry frowned at Cait. “Just because Barbara Hayes doesn’t want you to play outside, doesn’t mean you ignore her when she tells you the teacher says recess is over. Remember?”   “Hey!” Cait frowned, and she saw the girl standing there bold as day with her new watch telling Cait that she was going to get in trouble if she went with the fourth graders, that they come in later. Her blue eyes glancing at Cait’s shorts like she expected something, her yellow-blond hair shining in the sun, and her excitement over having a watch with Mickey Mouse on it because she could tell time.   “You can’t play with those kids,” Barbara sneered at Cait.   “They’re just kids!”   “They’re fourth graders. They finish lunch later than us. You’ll be late.”   “You’re not that smart,” Cait kicked sand at the prissy girl that told everyone in third grade what to do that year.   “Yeah. Well, get yourself in trouble. See if I care!”   Cait turned her back on her.   Dad was furious! She came back to the present, standing by the stairs looking up to the balcony.   “Get Uncle-Daddy, Cait. You’ll be in less trouble if he’s sleeping and you wake him than if you go outside, and he’s not out there.”   “Fine” Cait shook her head. “I’ll get him.” Cait took a deep sigh, and she walked up the stairs back to the balcony, and she looked over at the closed door that meant the room was private right now.   “I’m not scared,” she whispered to Kookaberry, her thumb in her mouth. “Is it wrong to knock?”   “More wrong than to break a promise, either to Summerstone or to Uncle Sean? You promised Uncle Sean not to go outside by yourself until he knew you could understand the animals. Don’t you be member?”   Cait took a keep breath, pulled her thumb out of her mouth and wiped it on her peed on pajamas bottoms, and then lifted it. “This is right, right?”   Kookaberry didn’t answer.   Cait's knuckles very very lightly tapped at the door. "Uncle-Daddy?" Her voice hurt from her trying so hard to keep it low, that it scratched somehow inside. “Daddy?” Her hands shook a little. The door opened, and Cait looked up at his wet hair, his hands already reaching for her shoulders, and his eyes resting on hers. His suspenders were already in place. He took a knee and rubbed her back, his hand gentle on her shoulder. “I peed the bed,” she whispered. “In my sleep, and then again, on purpose. I had to keep my promise to Summerstone.” Her eyes searched his. “I didn’t want to make a mess for Auntie, and the bed was already…,” Her voice fell silent. “Now,” Uncle-Daddy pulled her into his lap. “That’s as it should be for now. But we need to get you cleaned up.” He lifted Cait, and she felt him pull her into the air and settle his arm under her wet bottom. “Bath time.” Cait wiggled in his arm and got closer to his ear where she whispered. “What about Summerstone? I promised. I told him last night that he’s first.” “And he will be, Cait. But a horse knows when its person is hurting.” “What?” “You want to feed him in wet pajamas? You want him to smell that on you and think you're scared?" Cait looked down. "He'd know?" “He'd know,” Sean carefully set her on the tub side, and then he knelt next to her. "Let me tell you about a horse I had when I was about your age. Her name was Sunset." Cait's thumb slipped into her mouth. She blinked up at him for a moment or two, and then let her head fall one time. Just one short nod that said I’m listening. “She was four years old, and she was mine. There was a boy at school — Brian. He pushed me down every chance he got. Made my life miserable every single day.” Sean's voice went quiet. “Yeah, I know the kid like that. Her name is Barbara for me.” “Well, One afternoon, I was in her pen, telling her about him. I didn't know he'd followed me.” “Did Sunset? I bet she did!” “I don’t know, but he came up behind me and shoved me right into a fresh pile of manure." Cait's eyes went wide. “Yuck! Banure?” “That’s right, pet. Yuck. But then you know what Sunset did?” Uncle Sean smiled a little, a small little point of his lip twitched at the corner of his mouth. “What?” Cait was bouncing on her butt listening with all her might, excited for what Sunset might do!” “Well, that four year old pony wasn’t so small, and Sunset rose up on her hind legs and kicked her front hooves at him.” Cait covered her eyes. “Whoa!” “She didn't touch him,” Uncle Daddy laughed. “But he fell backward, and he pooped his pants right there in the pen." Cait looked serious, her thumb in her mouth, watching Uncle Sean for some kind of mouth, hand, or eye thing to say he was teasing. They stared at each other, Uncle Sean’s hand under her and her eyes not blinking… she suddenly asked, “That’s it?” Her high pitched squeal of laughter cut through the morning air. The sound surprised her. “Funny thing, that horse,” Sean pulled Cait into his lap as he knelt there. “She'd seen other kids push me down before, but she only did that to him!”   “It was almost like she…,” Cait was breathless and magickified at the same time. “I'm convinced she knew,” Uncle Sean nodded at her quiet near question. “That boy made me miserable every single day, and she knew." Cait pulled her thumb out. "Did she ever really kick anyone?" "Never. Not once." "Then why did she do that to him?" “Because she loved me,” Sean said. “And she knew I was hurting. Horses know, Cait. They feel what you feel.” Cait looked down at her pee pee pajamas. “So Summerstone will know if I didn’t want to pee the bed?” “Aye, she does, Cait. If you go out to Summerstone right now, in those wet pajamas, with your heart all twisted up — he'll feel that. He'll think he did something wrong." Cait put her hands in her wet lap and felt the bad and gross things her Crop-Daddy said of the wet and icky pee on her legs. "I don't want him to think that." "Then let's get you clean and dry first. That's not breaking your promise. That's keeping it the right way." Cait nodded slowly. "Okay." Sean stood and held out his hand. She took it. He lifted her up and took her to the toilet and put her on the toilet, and then he started to take off her shirt. "What happened to Sunset?" Cait whispered putting her thumb in her mouth. Sean went quiet—not even continuing to unbutton her pajama shirt. His fingers just shook, and then they just freeze. They just sat there. A shaky quiet whimper broke the quiet when he continued. His voice was softer. "She was sold while I was at school. I came home and she was gone. But she wouldn't stay gone.” Sean unbuttoned two more buttons on the top. “The trailer lost its balance on the road. The door came open. She got out and tried to run back to me." Cait started to pull her arms through the open sleeves now as she asked about more. "Did she make it?"   "No, pet,” Sean whispered a heavy earthen groan seemed to linger. “Her flank gave out not an hour up the road. She was too crippled. They had to shoot her." Cait stopped squirming to get her shirt off. She looked up at him. "She died trying to get back to you?" "That's what I believe. The police said it was the wind, or the road, or something else. But my dad and I always knew. She chose me. And she died trying to get back to me." Cait squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, Uncle-Daddy." Sean squeezed back. "Don't be sorry, little one. She loved me. That's not something to be sorry about. It's something to carry." Cait’s shirt was finally off, and Uncle Sean breathed once or twice deeply as he turned back to the tub. Sean turned on the water and started filling the tub. "Summerstone is yours now," he said. "And he's going to love you the same way. But you have to let him. You have to show up clean and dry and happy. That's what he needs from you." Cait nodded. "I can do that." "I know you can." She reached up and hugged him. He hugged her back. “Uncle? Would they sell Summerstone on me?” Cait asked.   “Not unless I had no other choice, like I was already losing the farm, pet. It hurts to have your own stuff taken away and sold on you, especially if that things is alive like Shadow and Summerstone.”   “Not even if I pee my pants still, after you fix me at the doctor, or after I go back to my other family because of… stuff?”   “Not even then, Cait. We are family. All of us. We don’t sell things on family, at least not at the Kinsella farm, we don’t.”   “Do you think Daddy wants to think I stupid?”   “I don’t honestly know what is going on with him, pet. But I know he has a lot of worries, and the drink, it don’t make him think none too good either. But sometimes, that’s the point. The drink, I mean. I helps you dull the thinking because it hurts sometimes.”   “Maybe if I just tried harder not to pee….”   “No, Cait. Don’t ever think like that. That’s what caused part of your problems. The doctor says you shouldn’t have held it half as long as you do, sometimes.”   “But the others girls do, and they never peed their pants… acksepted for sometimes outside, sometimes Roisin.”   “Cait, no. You told your big sisters right when we left the farm this last time. You told your Daddy right, too, that he needs to think if he wants wet daughters or a finished farm. They are too little to get all the way to the house from way out in the fields.”   “Okay.”   Sean started to soap up a cloth. “Let’s get you ready for Summerstone and for Church, okay?”   Sean didn’t use the brush on her nails, he didn’t clean her nails at all. He didn’t spend too much time on her feet at all. He just got her clean. But Cait was okay with that. If she wanted to feel the extra—she didn’t know what it was, but if she wanted it, she could ask Auntie later.   Sean lifted Cait out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel that was warm from the radiator. She hugged Kookaberry against the towel, and her thumb found her mouth. "Now," Sean said. "Let's get you dressed, pet. Summerstone's waiting." Cait nodded and let him carry her to the bedroom. The bed was stripped already — Auntie must have done it while they were in the bath. Fresh sheets were on the mattress, pulled tight. Cait looked at them and felt her chest squeeze. "Auntie fixed it," she whispered. "Auntie washed it," Sean said. "That's what we do with wet sheets. We wash them." He set her down by the wardrobe. "Pick your farm clothes, Cait. Something you can get dirty." Cait reached for the boy jeans and a plaid shirt. The thick boy underpants were already in her hand. She pulled them on herself, then the jeans, then the shirt. Sean buttoned the cuffs for her, and she tucked Kookaberry under her arm.   "Ready?" "Ready." They walked down the stairs together, through the kitchen, and out the back door. The morning air was cool and smelled like hay and animals. Cait's boots crunched on the gravel path. She could hear the horses before she saw them — a soft whinny, then another. "There he is," Sean said. Summerstone stood close to his mother, his legs still a little wobbly, his ears twitching. When he saw Cait, he took a step toward the fence. "He knows me," Cait whispered. "He knows you're his person," Sean said. "Go on. Let him smell you." Cait held out her hand. Summerstone sniffed her fingers, then her wrist, then nudged her palm. His nose was soft and warm. "Hi, Summerstone," she breathed. "I'm clean now. I came back." The foal made a small sound, almost like a question. Cait giggled. "He's hungry," Sean said. "Let's get him and his mama fed." They filled the feed buckets together — Cait scooping, Sean lifting. The mother horse ate first, and Summerstone nursed beside her. Cait watched, her chin resting on the fence rail. "Can I stay here all day?" "You can stay a while," Sean said. "But the horses need to eat in peace. We've got other animals waiting on their breakfast, too. Want to help me feed them?" Cait looked at Summerstone one more time. "Okay. But I'm coming back after." "I'd expect nothing less." They walked toward the barn, and Cait looked back over her shoulder. Summerstone was still nursing, but his ears turned toward her as she went. "He knows I'm coming back," she said. "He does," Sean said. "And he'll be here when you do."   They fed the chickens, the cows, the few goats they had, and finally Shadow. “Hey, Shadow,” Cait reached towards her. “You hungry?” Shadow crept close to Cait and laid on its back turning it’s stomach up at her. “That’s a dog’s way of saying please pet my tummy. It’s a special place, when any animal lets you pet their belly, Cait. Know why?” Cait looked up at Uncle and shrugged. “Why?” Uncle poured a scoop of food into the dog dish. “The stomach is almost always the weakest spot, the spot that if a predator gets to, will not only be certain death, but will be painful. Even larger predators in a fight, keep their stomachs hidden as much as they can in a fight.” “You know so much!” Cait looked up at Uncle Sean though her hand had some dog food in it that she was holding out to Shadow. “Cait! Get in here and wash your hands!” Auntie called. “I didn’t even go see Summerstone again, yet.” “You’ll get a chance in a bit, girl. You need your breakfast though, too. You fed your baby, now you eat!” Both of the adults laughed. After breakfast, they allowed Cait to go see Summerstone for a little, and then Sean carried her back into the house, her thumb in her mouth where she was taken back up to her room where Auntie helped her put on a nice purple dress.   “I don’t like church,” Cait whispered around her thumb as Auntie was zipping up the back.   “Why not?” Auntie turned her to face her, Auntie’s face a frown.   “Oh, it’s not that I hate God or nothing like that. It’s just… church is hard.”   “Tell Auntie what you mean, sweetheart.” She sat on the bed and pulled Cait in her lap. “What’s hard about church?”   “You have to be really quiet and really still. And then you have to read even harder stuff than a regular book, and if you don’t read right, you get in trouble in Sunday school.”   “Really?” Auntie frowned.   “And then I pee my pants, and then that’s when I really hate it because… it’s worse than when I pee my pants at school.”   Auntie rubbed her back. “You don’t gotta go to Sunday School if you are scared,” Auntie whispered to Cait. “And you can sit in Auntie or Uncle-Daddy’s lap the whole time if you want, sweetheart. Church is important. You have to go, but you don’t gotta face it alone, and we’ll support you the whole time, sweetheart.”   “But…, if you hold me, I’ll pee on you. I always pee at church. I don’t know why.”   “The doctor does, though, Cait. You’re not being bad. You’re just sick, and being nervous doesn’t help when you already feel scared about peeing. You just pee your pants, hon. No one is going to mind.”   Cait looked up at her. She felt a tightness in her chest. Did Auntie just give her permission to pee her pants in church? That doesn’t make any sense. Or was she just saying it’s going to happen anyway, like Daddy does? But that’s not Auntie, either.   Sean knocked at the door even though Auntie left it open. “Is everything okay?”   “She’s scared, Sean. She says she always pees her pants at church, and that it’s more scary when it happens there than at school.”   Sean frowned. “Well, now, that’s just not right. You know what, Cait? I bet you were never allowed to take something with you before to help you feel less scared, were you?”   Cait looked down. No. That’s dumb. Daddy says she’s not a baby even if she acts it. She shivered. Then she looked up, a hot wateriness in her eyes, and she whispered. “I’m not a baby.”   The adults looked at one another. Auntie patted Cait’s lap and Uncle-Daddy frowned but he wasn’t looking at Cait or Auntie. He turned to look out the window, and his fists tightened at his side. Cait had never seen his fists get so tight. He muttered something.   “...me the str-th not to ber fas winess…” was among the things Cait though she heard in his mutterings out the window. He turned and squatted down.   “You look at me, child,” he held Cait’s arms, not in an angry way, but it was still tight, like he wanted something from her. “You are NOT a baby. That’s right. But kids cannot sit still through church where they barely understand everything said. You don’t need to look at Kookaberry as a baby’s toy. He’s not, Cait. He’s your comfort object. Your Daddy, does he leave his cigarettes at home when he goes to church?”   Cait frowned. “Those grown up things.”   “They are his comfort-vice, child. They are no more big nor small than your cuddly Kookaberry, only Kookaberry is a better thing to bring to church.”   “Why?”   “Because Kookaberry doesn’t bother anyone. You don’t throw it around and bother other people with him, do you?”   “No.”   “Well, the smoke from the cigarette, even if people are too nice to say it to his face, does bother other people. So, your comfort thing is a lot less troublesome than your Daddy’s. You just think about that if you get nervous. And if you pee your pants, you hold Kookaberry tight and whisper to him, and you come and get in my lap, child.”   “I wet your lap? At… at church?”   “Church is no different than anywhere else, child. God… Jesus told the people to let the children come to him, and he would have put you in his lap even while you are pooping your pants, if he thought you needed a hug. He doesn’t shame a child for being a child, especially when a child is trying really hard, and is sick.”   “Okay.”   “No Sunday School for her?” Auntie asked.   “How about we let her decide that after she sees how the main meeting goes? No decisions until it’s upon her, and then we support her. We even leave right after the main meeting if we need to.”   “Sean! You’ve never left mid-service before,” Auntie said though there was a twitch in the corners of her mouth.   “God understands, though. You don’t force a child. You support a child and you let her feel the love, not the pressure of doing what man says is right.”   “Of course, you’re right, Sean,” Auntie pulled me in a hug and whispered in my ear, the air ticking the tops of my ears. “You hear, that, Cait? If you don’t want to stay after the main meeting, you tell Uncle-Daddy and we go home, no shame.”   I shivered in her arms. Was that really okay?   Chapter 55 The Parking Lot Before   In the car, Cait sat with her hands in her lap and she looked around outside. Kookaberry was pinned to her dress with his leash, so she wouldn’t lose him, and her hands held his lap like Uncle Daddy and Auntie had been doing since the whole week, especially at the doctors.   “It is your first time at church?” Cait asked Kookaberry.   “I don’t remember,” Kookaberry whispered back. “I think I might pee my pants, too.”   “That’s okay. If you do, I’ll hold you.”   “They never had a reason to take you to church when after the boy, right?” Cait hugged Kookaberry tighter.   “Yeah. The boy didn’t need me as much when just before it happened. He still slept with me sometimes, but he spent less time just before it happened.”   “I’m sorry,” Cait frowned. “But I guess kids at my school still call me a baby. I need baby things.”   “So…. I’m a baby thing?”   “No. Uncle Daddy says you not. He says you like Daddy’s cigarettes for him. You’re just what I need now. That you are not a baby toy.”   “Good,” Kookaberry whispered. “I don’t want to be a baby toy. I want to be a Cait toy.”   “Don’t worry. You are. But not eber-y-bo’y can understand it.”   “They don’t have to, if you still love me.”   Cait hugged the bear tightly.   The car pulled into the church parking lot. Cait squeezed her legs out of the coming doom of being in a soaking wet dress though she felt no need to go potty right then. She looked out the windows of the car while Uncle Daddy looked for a parking spot. She saw people moving slowly and like a wide ocean or something, into a smaller and smaller slow stream into the church doors.   “Boo!” Someone suddenly hit the glass next to her after the car was parked.   A certain girl with yellow shiny hair and blue eyes bounced up and down on her toes looking in the glass.   Cait struggled to get her seatbelt off. Her best friend was outside the door the one that held her leg even when she had fully pooped her pants last week and she said that Cait was her friend. No one ever held her like that before… except for Uncle Daddy and Auntie.   “Slow down, Cait-a-kins,” Sean turned and helped her get the belt off. “Careful opening the door or you’ll hurt your friend.”   Cait climbed out of the car. “You bringing your Kookaberry in?” Ruth asked.   “I’m not allowed?”   “Um…, I’ve never seen anyone bring a toy in after the age of like maybe six,” Ruth frowned. I don’t know. Let’s ask my mom.”   “Um… I can leave Kookaberry,” I said feeling my voice get shaky.   “No,” Uncle Sean heard us and put a hand on my shoulder. “Each family has their own rules based on what their kids need, Cait. You worry about yourself and what you need, not what Ruth or other kids need. Kookaberry stays with you today.”   “Okay.”   Ruth looked up at him. “She’s not a baby.”   “No, Ruth, she isn’t. But church scares her.”   “Why?”   “Let’s just say… maybe she hasn’t had the right experiences before. Maybe you can help her with that?”   “Yeah. Kookaberry stays,” Ruth pushed Kookaberry back into Cait’s arms. “You’re a big kid. You just… need different thing than someone else. Everyone needs things. My brother needs gum in church even though we not supposed to, Daddy says he can have one piece in the big meeting because he doesn’t talk there, but then he gets rid of it before Sunday school. It’s like a com-po-mise.”   Cait frowned. “Yeah. I heard that rule. No food, no drinks, no gum…. The house of God not for eating, but just for learning.”   “But some other big kids need to drink something. I seen it,” Ruth said. “Mama says mind my own. It’s their own troubles, and we don’t know what happening, so don’t mind it. And that’s the same your Kookaberry. You need it. No one can mind it, that you need Kookaberry.”   “Okay.”   Ruth took Cait’s hand and they walked closer to her family.   “Look, Billy! You need gum and Cait needs Kookiberry. See? You not weird at all.”   Billy smiled and hugged his little sister. “Sometimes, you are hard to hate, Ruth.”             Chapter 56 What Is Different In This Church   Sean and Eiboline led Cait towards the doors, Ruth not far away, talking to her parents and pointing insistently at Cait. A man would shake Sean’s hand on his way in. A woman would speak briefly with Eiboline. It was very much the same as at the other church with Mommy and Daddy. Everyone sort of ignoring Cait, except Cait still saw Ruth… and her brother, too, looking at her.   They got inside the church, and a man looked down at Cait holding her Kookaberry close and her thumb in her mouth. She squirmed a little.   “Who’s this?” he asked Sean.   “She’s staying with us for a while. Her parents are having some trouble, and they asked us to mind her for a while.”   “Well, Cait, my name is Jim Harris. My family is already seated, but I have a son about your age.”   Cait smiled up at him.   “Sean,” another hand touched his shoulder. “Can I ask you to pray for the opening services today?”   “Pastor Patterson. Of course. And while we are at it, I’d like to ask a favor from you?”   The pastor looked down at Cait. “As you like. What is your favor?”   “Well, Cait has some issues. I’d like her to know that God understands her. Can we get a blessing after church? Not just Cait, but I need one. I’ve been struggling with issues because I’m worried about her, too. I’ll explain away from unneeded ears.”   “Sure. Shall I find you after church then?”   “If Cait is up to it. I promised her we can leave early if she gets too overwhelmed. Church isn’t her favorite place. She’s… she has difficulties, like I said.”   Pastor Patterson nodded and looked down at Cait. “Well, you can leave when you want, child, but I hope that in time, until your Uncle is done minding you, that you might start to consider this place your Church, too. Jesus welcomes everyone, especially children.”   Cait clutched Kookaberry tighter. “Okay.”   Sean's hand stays on Cait's shoulder as they walk toward the pews. Here and there, chatter before church was not unlike at her old church. One kid scored a goal, a proud father says, or someone has family from out of state coming to visit. It’s Sunday as usual. Ruth ran up on Cait and took her hand. Cait! My mom says you can sit us. Please? Billy’s saving us seat!” She was tugging at Cait’s arm.   When Cait looked up at Aunt Eiboline, who glanced at Sean, they both smiled and nodded. “We’ll be along in a minute. Go with your friend, sweetheart.” Ruth smiled and pulled at Cait. They walked to the middle of the seats, and then sat down, Billy there, now moving things from the seat. His suit coat, he put back on. His bag, he moved to the floor. A bit of gum could be seen between his teeth as he spoke. "Hey." Cait looked down shyly. “Hi.” Her voice quivered and was barely a whisper.   Ruth scooting in next to Billy, touched the seat beside her glancing up to Cait.   Cait sat with Kookaberry in her lap.   “I pee my pants at church,” she whispered to Ruth.   “Well, if you don’t want to do it, even if you think you are starting to pee, you can ask me to take you,” Billy told her. “I took my little sister into the girls’ room before. Other kids tease me about it, but I don’t care. That’s my sister, and you are her friend, so I see nothing wrong with it. I’m not watching you or anyone else pee. They have inside doors for the toilet.”   Cait frowned and looked down. “I just do it though… before I know I’m doing it.”   “Then tell me anyway. I’ll get you to Mr. Kinsella where you can feel safe.”   “Okay.”   Cait felt people moving behind her, and then saw in the row behind, Bill and Ruth’s parents were there and so were Auntie and Uncle-Daddy. She was safe.   A woman with red hair in a bun, a green dress, and that smelled like cotton candy? Walked over and met with Eiboline.   “It’s nice to see you,” the woman whispered to Eiboline. “The Henderson’s daughter, Ruth, says that you have a girl that might be in our Sunday school class.”   “I’ll be in Sunday School with Ruthie?” Cait whispered around her thumb clutching Kookaberry tightly. “I… I don’t know.”   “Well, we are going to leave that up to Cait when time for Sunday school comes. We’ll give her three choices… to join Ruth, to stay with us in ours, or to just go home early. Church makes her really nervous, you see.”   “Well, that’s understandable,” Mrs. Johnson whispered. “But we’ll be really happy if you do get the courage to join Ruth, Cait. It’s not wrong if you can’t come today. You can try another day if you want.”   Cait’s grip on Kookaberry loosened, and her thumb fell so only the tip was on her bottom lip.   “Can I bring Kookaberry? Can I have my thumb, wherever it wants to go?”   “We don’t pay attention to thumbs in Sunday School,” Mrs. Johnson smiled. And I had a friend just like Kookaberry until I was twelve. He went everywhere with me, and especially to church. He was a bit naughty though and bounced a bit too much, but my mother never made me leave him at home. He was a rabbit named Flopsy.”   “Flopsy? That’s a good name for a rabbit,” Cait whispered.     “Well, I know Flopsy loved her name,” Mrs. Johnson nodded. “But there will be a small rule for Kookaberry. When you are talking, he has to be quiet, and when other classmates are talking, he has to listen. And of course, unless it’s really important, then he should listen to the message of the day.”   “Oh, he will. I promise,” Cait frowned. “But only if we go. I don’t know yet. I might pee and get scared.”   “Why would that scare you, sweetheart?”   “It just does.”   “Well, if you get scared, you can whisper to Ruth. She’ll let me know if you need the girls’ room or something.”   “Yeah, okay.”   Chapter 57 Gonna wet my pants! It won’t come out! Gonna do it!   The pastor was soon at the pulpit, and he looked around at all the wonderful people there. Cait saw moms with arms around sons and dads holding daughters in their laps. She saw two preschoolers on the floor with plastic trucks, Mom on one said and Dad on the other side of them, blocking them from disturbing others to the left and right, but still letting them play as long as they were quiet. She saw the comfortable lights, and the pastor looked out at the congregation.   “Brothers and sisters, we have a blessing today. Two new births in the congregation and the mothers are in the hospital today with their babies, but they are expected to go home tomorrow. We have friends and relatives vising from out of town, too. First, the Sullaviches are back in town….”   “Not them,” Billy said.   “Billy!” his mother whispered up towards him. “Not nice.”   “I’m sor—ree!” he looked at his mother. “But if they cause Ruth to so much as pee a little bit in her panties today, I….”   “What do you mean, make her pee her panties?”   Billy frowned. “Nevermind. It’s not done in a way I can prove it. It’s just… they scare her, mom.”   “Well, I can take her to the bathroom, today, Billy!”   “Mom! That’s exactly why she’s pee her pants! You just don’t get it!”   Mrs. Henderson frowned. “Are you saying she say something or does something if I take Ruth to the toilet?”   “Mom…,” Billy frowned. “Ruth is in fourth grade now. Of course they do. They’d been calling her a mama’s baby since second grade about it. Now… Ruth told me she would rather pee her pants than you take her before we left home.”   Mr. Henderson leaned up to Ruth. “Is that true, hon?”   Ruth frowned and nodded. “I don’t want to go in there alone because I don’t know what they’ll do, and if mom takes me this year, the Su-uh-itches will make the whole fourth, fifth, and sixth graders call me a baby!”   “I’ll try to go with you,” Cait said. “I’ll probably even be wet, so they can tell everyone that….”   “No,” Billy frowned. “Ruth, I told you. The bathrooms in the girls’ toilets have doors in front of the toilets, right? So, if you need to go, I’ll take you. Mom isn’t taking you, and when you come out, if I see a Su-um-itch, I’ll tell you that you always forget to wash your hands, and you can argue with me, and they’ll think I was just being a big brother over a normal thing.”   “But you gotta go in the girl’s bathroom to do it.”   “So? I went in the girls’ bathroom before when you were in third grade. No one cares. I’m not doing nothing. Just making sure you wash your hands because mom’s busy and you didn’t ask her to come with you, and I saw you go in the bathroom, and I am telling you to wash your hands… right?”   “Billy, I don’t know about you taking your sister….”   “Dad, my mind’s made up. She’s not going to the toilet with mom. I’m not having the whole Sunday school class laughing at my sister because she needs her mommy to take her, but I’m not letting the Su-um-itches get her alone either. I don’t trust ‘em.”   Cait frowned. Billy was willing to take his sister into the girls’ room. Ruth had a brother that Cait was sure… Daddy would have floored for even suggesting that to him, but she was glad that Ruth’s parents were looking at one another and listening to the kids, like it mattered.   Suddenly, before it could be resolved, the Pastor had said “And staying with the Kinsellas for a while, is their little cousin, Cait, from Missouri. Let’s welcome our new members, temporary or long term today, and help us all feel the spirit of God.”   The organ lady started playing, and Billy handed a book towards Cait and then brought his book over closer to share with his sister.   “I don’t need a book,” Cait whispered. “I feel the song when I sing. The notes and stuff, the reading; it just gets in the way.”   Billy shrugged and took a book to himself, but Ruth still stood close enough that if Cait wanted, she could get closer and see. But she refused to look at the book even though she about half a word behind everyone else. She didn’t care.   Cait did care, though. She side-glanced at Ruth to make sure Ruth wasn’t feeling embarrassed standing next to her, and she kept glancing back to make sure Uncle Sean and Auntie-grandma weren’t mad that she was actually singing, because she knew she was half a word behind everyone. She called it a half a word. She needed them to start the word sometimes to know what came next sometimes.   Everyone just sang as if Cait was following along fine.   Then she saw Ruth sat, so she carefully climbed up in the seat, put her hands in her lap around Kookaberry, and she watched the man get up at the pulpit. It wasn’t even the Pastor. Why wasn’t the Pastor speaking?   “My dear brothers and sisters,” the man said his voice soft and quiet, like he was trying to sound more… not loud in God’s church even though the po-poss of the Micke is to make everyone hear you. “I was asked today to speak about Compassion….”   Cait looked at Billy. “Do you know what Kopasson is?”   “Yeah. It just means kindness, but it means a kindness that you don’t get paid for. You don’t get nothing for it, but you do something anyway because it makes someone do good,” Billy whispered.   “Fanks.”   Cait looked back at the adults, but they were listening. Sean didn’t even threaten to tap her head. He winked at her, even.   Ruth was drawing on a paper pad with crayons.   Billy was writing on a paper pad with a pencil.   “Do you need paper?” Billy asked.   “Why?”   “For church notes.”   “Oh, I be member stuff up in my head,” Cait shifted her shoulders up and looked at at the Ceiling as if expecting God to reach down and finger-nail flick her head for lying, and for it to really hurt.   Nothing happened.   “What’s Summer-tan?” Cait asked. She knew what summer was and tan was, and a summer tan would have made sense, but the way the speaker was talking, that didn’t sound right.   “The Sumeritans and the Jews used to not like each other,” Billy said. “That’s why the Good Sumeritan is one of Jesus’s best examples of what we should do. Someone hated the Jews as a people, but still helped the man that almost died.”   “I thought the Jews were the good guys in the Bible!” Cait frowned.   “Well…,” Billy frowned. “I don’t know if they were really all that good. I mean, they tried. I think the Bible actually says it like they are just people, that God chose. They don’t have a special ability to be good. They don’t always do the right things. But God just said… you are my people, and then there is a lot written on them.”   “Didn’t Adam start the Jews?” Cait whispered.   “No? But yes.” Billy frowned. “Look, can we talk later. I have to take notes.”   “Sorry,” Cait straightened up. She did it again. She messed up. She should have known better than to talk. Even Billy told her to stop talking!   Cait looked back at the entrance to the worship hall. There was an unreadable round disc above the door, with numbers one to twelve, and the two standard hands that confuse her daily. She can name the numbers, and she can understand when it will be O’clock and -thirty. She just counts differently. It’s about 10-5 now. She looked back and the speaker was changing to a woman.   “My dear brothers and sisters,” she said in the same quietness as the man before. “Let me tell you a story about a neighbor teenager to start this off, because that teenager, though he doesn’t go to church here, and may not go to one at all, he has the heart of Jesus’s the Woman by the Well….”   Cait frowned. Did she ever hear about the woman by the well? Her legs started to bounce a little. Her hands were clutching at Kookaberry. She looked back around at Uncle Sean who smiled at her, but then looked up at the podium.   Cait’s knees bounces and she held them a little closer together.   “Ruth,” Billy’s voice suddenly whispered sharply at his sister maybe for the third time by as annoyed as he was.   “What?”   “Get up. You’re going to the bathroom, with your friend.”   “I don’t have to….”   Billy nodded at Cait’s hands turning white on her legs, her knees bouncing, and her breath sucking through her teeth.   “Yes you do!”   Ruth looked and she frowned. “You’re right. I’m about to pee my pants. Cait, come to the bathroom with me. I’m scared.”   Cait looked over at them, and then down at her knees bouncing. “You don’t want me. I’ll pee in front of everyone and make you….”   “Cait! Please!” Ruth looked up at her. “Billy says I have to go, and I don’t want to go with just him bossing me around. Please come with us so he doesn’t boss me?”   Cait scratched her head. She thought he was the best big brother ever. They even had a plan if the su-um-itches were in the bathroom. Why does she want Cait with her. “Okay, only I might pee my pants.”   “So?” Ruth put her hands in her crotch and squirmed.   “Okay. Let’s go. Don’t yell at your sister,” Cait told Billy.   “Billy do that?” Cait thought she heard Auntie ask, but they were already headed out the door before she heard the answer.   The walked into the bathroom, and then Ruth opened the doors one by one by pushing so make sure they were all empty. “Go to the toilet, Cait,” Ruth whispered. “I’m going too, but only after you go in one. Go.”   Cait’s face heated up. “It’s not that easy.”   “Well, go anyway,” Billy said. “Take your time.”   Billy stood between the two toilet stalls of the three that his sister and their friend was in. He crossed his arms, and he waited facing the sinks and the large mirror that covered nearly the entire wall. He sat a pair of eyes peek in and a soft voice ask. “Is this the girls’ room?”   “I’m guarding it,” Cait heard the girl that was definitely younger and Billy. “I won’t let no one do anything bad to you. That toilet stall is free. You can close the door. No one is watching you.”   The door next to Cait banged closed and she heard shifting of a lock and then it was quiet. It was too quiet. Ruth was on the other side of her. She should have made it easier, knowing her friend was there to help, but she couldn’t get her clampers in front to unclamp.   Billy was outside the front, and as he said, he was the guardian. He wouldn’t let anything bad come and do anything. But he was a boy. Cait’s face heated up. He was a boy, watching the stall door for her like… she wasn’t sure what like. But he was outside. Suddenly, her pee pee didn’t even feel like it was pee pee anymore. It was fully quiet.   “You’re gonna pee your pants… you’re gonna pee your pants… you’re gonna….” was all Cait heard like a first grader taunting her that it was going to happen, and she knew she couldn’t shut the ghost up, or force it out. It was just too quiet. No pee even tickled at the inside of her stomach. She just couldn’t go.   Cait heard the toilets next to her, both Ruth and the other little kid had already gone, and she was just sitting there, failing again, and she was probably going to get the boy in trouble if she stayed there much longer, or maybe Ruth. She couldn’t do that. As soon as she thought she needed to get up, a little bit of a squirt hit the toilet.   “Cait’s taking a bit.”   “Maybe she’s pooping,” Billy told his little sister. “It takes a minute if you’re pooping. Just wash your hands.”   “I am.”   “I know you are because I told you to, and I’ll wash them for you if you don’t get ‘em clean.”   “You don’t gotta do that. You know it.”   Cait shifted her legs and tried to push again. A little squirt like that wasn’t going to do anything. She had to pee in the toilet. She felt her face scrunch up. She heard this kind of strange head noise from trying to force herself. She couldn’t describe it. It was just this… like stillness thing your head does when you are using all your might to push. But nothing came out.   She started to shift her legs to get up. She squirted again. She was trapped. When she tried, it acted dry. When she went to get up, she squirted. What could she do? She’s gonna get her friends in trouble if they stay in there much longer.   “Why don’t you just pee your pants?” Kookaberry asked. “You know Uncle-Daddy won’t mind. You know Ruth won’t mind. You know that Billy knows you went into the toilet. If you don’t finish, he’ll understand. He’ll know you’re scared. That’s why they brought you. You’re scared.”   “Because she’s a baby,” the ghost countered.   Chomp!   “Ruth says you are not a baby. She knows you’re having trouble, and you didn’t even ask for Auntie’s hand to take you. You tried. You just can’t stop the owie from getting in the way. You’re sick.” Kookaberry’s head was against Cait’s heart, where the leash was shortened to make it be there.   “Billy doesn’t know I’m sick,” Cait whispered to Kookaberry.   Billy knocked on the stall. “Cait? If you’re sick, I’ll just send Ruth to get your Aunt and Uncle.”   “You heard me whispering to Kookaberry?” Cait’s voice cut up so much that it took several breaths to get the question out.   “Yeah, I heard you talking. Shall I send Ruth?”   “No. It’s not that kind of sick. I… I can’t pee, Billy.”   “Well, that’s okay. If you are sure you can’t pee right now, we can try later, okay? I don’t mind taking you again, Cait. I took Ruth. You took Ruth, too, so she’s going be more than happy to take you when you really know you gotta go.”   Cait’s face got hot.   “Um…. You… you’re okay taking Miss Pee Pants to the bathroom?”   “No…,” Billy pushed the door open and saw Cait sitting there, her boy panties staring up at him. “I’m not okay taking Miss Pee Pants. I don’t know no Miss Pee Pants, Cait.”   Cait looked up at him, trying to cover herself with her hands.   “I know a Cait Kinsella.”   “Weimer.”   “What?”   “My last name. It’s Weimer, not Kinsella.”   “Whatever. I know a Cait. Cait is a beautiful little girl that makes my sister happy. Miss Pee Pants, I’ve never met her. Now, Cait sometimes pees her pants, but that doesn’t make her a Miss Pee Pants, and if you or anyone else makes fun of my sister’s best friend again, I’ll… I’ll tell on you. I don’t think your uncle wants you to talk like that.”   Cait frowned up at him. “But… It’s….”   “Don’t say it’s true, or else.”   Cait looked down.   “Now, if you pee your pants, it’s okay. You just tell Ruth or you tell your big friend, Billy… me… and we find your Uncle to help you. But don’t you dare call our beautiful little friend names. Got it, Missy?”   Cait looked up at his face. It was all serious, except the corners of his mouth. They twitched like he wanted to smile.   Ruth rushed in and helped Cait to her feet and started to pull her pants up. She felt Cait’s undies.   “Ruth,” Billy frowned. “That’s not your concern. Pull her pants up. I know you just want her to be happy, but if you check her, she’s older than you. She’ll get scared and feel like she did something wrong. Let her be wet, if her underpants are wet.”   “Oh, I didn’t mean….”   “I know. You were going to ask if she should get some clean ones, but we’ll let Cait decide if she needs clean underpants. We don’t check her. She’s our friend. You are my little sister. I check you if I think you peed, but we don’t check Cait… especially because Cait is older than you.”   “Okay.”   Billy put an arm around his little sister. “You didn’t know. It’s okay. But bigger girls get shamed when younger girls who are supposed to be their friends seem to check to see if they went potty in their pants. Instead of checking, just ask her if she needs her big people. That’s the right way. If she says no, then forget what you saw, even if you think her panties were wet.”   Cait heard him. He called her underwears panties. He didn’t say to Ruth that they were something they weren’t supposed to be. He called them panties. She pulled her skirt up and she looked up at him, her face burning. “Thank you.”   “For what?” Billy asked confused.   “For… for not making fun of my panties?”   “Why would I do that, Cait? Their just clothes. And if… I said it and I meant it. I didn’t look. If… if you peed, it’s okay. Your Uncle or Aunt can take care of it. It’s not my place to check you or to say anything if I did accidentally look. But right now, I was looking at your eyes with tears in them. You are scared, Cait. That’s why you not peeing, and that’s okay. I don’t mind trying to take later, and in the mean time… if you wet your pants, just tell me so I can help you get to your big people, okay?”   “Okay.”         Chapter 58 Isolation; How It Feels Cait walked with Ruth taking her hand back down the aisle of seats to the left and right on the right walkway. She clenched her hands all the way down knowing she still had to pee, but knowing that at the moment, it wouldn’t go in the toilet. She was looking at the red-wine walkway on the floor. Her eyes tried to avoid the people to the left and right.   “They all know you went into the hall out there, and the only reason to do that…,” the ghost didn’t have to finish the thought. It was true. There is no way anyone wouldn’t know why she left the seat, and a boy was holding her hand. Not like Uncle Sean or Daddy, no, a boy was holding her hand, but he was nice, and her heart tightened. If she needed leave her seat to use the bathroom, would they think she was talking to him? But what would they even say together? What are people thinking? At church.   “Cait,” Kookaberry whispered. “What do you think people would think the boy was saying to you. Uncle Sean, you know what he’d tell nosy people, right?”   Cait’s face burned. “Not everyone is like Uncle Sean,” the ghost whispered. “Maybe the boy told you to pee on purpose… in your pants… so he could… maybe….”   “Maybe do what?” Kookaberry frowned at the ghost.   Cait stood at the side of the seats that slid into Uncle and she looked up at Billy and then over at Ruth.   “If you need your uncle,” Billy whispered. “Ruth will understand. You’re having a hard time. Ruthie knows you didn’t pee, Cait.”   Cait shook her head. “Can… can I wet my pants if I sit by you?” she asked the others.   “I mean, it’s okay if it comes out,” Billy whispered. “No one is going to bite if you pee, and I won’t mind if you wet your pants.”   Ruth rubbed her back. “You’re my friend. If you can’t help it cause you scared, then you do whatever happened. Big brother will keep you safe.”   “I… I get people wet,” Cait whispered.   Billy took her arm and gently pushed one more step to the seats they were in, and he held her hand down the row past the other people on the end, two of them, and where they were sitting. The brother and sister now put Cait between them.   “Did you pee in the toilet?” Billy asked his sister.   Ruth blushed. “Why are asking me?”   “Because, sis. I just want to know if you are both scared, or if only one of you is this nervous.”   “I went in the toilet. I promise, okay?”   “Okay, sis. Then we need to watch for Cait. If she looks like she starts, we try to take her before it spreads all over her dress and makes her embarrassed, okay?”   “Okay.”   Billy rubbed his thumb on her hand, on the back. “Cait, even if you are scared, and you feel yourself peeing, just do what I tell you, okay? Not because you have to, but because you don’t want anyone to see you peeing, okay?”   “Okay. You can hide it?”   “I’ll sure try, if you do what I tell you. I can’t if you don’t let me try, and if you feel it going, you whisper to me, Cait.”   “I… I’ll…,” Cait looked down.   “She’s too scared to say she’s peeing her pants,” Ruth whispered.   “Well, I guess I would be too. So you and I watch her like a jelly on peanut butter,” Billy told his sister. If you see some pee between her legs or on her butt, you let me know, okay?” Billy leaned down to Cait, and he whispered. “Don’t think you’re the only one that’s ever peed out of nerves, Cait. Ruthie peed last year in class when they had a test that she knew was really big. She didn’t raise her hand even because she was sure the teacher would say no.”   Ruth’s face got red. “Yeah. And Billy did it like two years ago, when the teacher was counting heads for a fire or something, right?”   Billy nodded. “We’re not telling just anyone on each other. We’re letting you understand, if you get scared and pee your pants, that’s just being human, Cait. You don’t have to hide it from Ruthie or me.”   Cait looked up at him. Her eyes hurt and she rubbed them. She started to put her thumb at the corner of her mouth, but she moved her hand back down when she realized what she was doing, Only Billy caught her elbow.   “You’re scared, right?” He whispered.   Cait felt tears in her eyes. “Everyone thinks I went to the bathroom. They’re gonna laugh when I pee.”   “Not near us, they won’t,” Billy whispered to her. He pushed her elbow until her thumb was near her mouth again. “No one around us is going to say anything about our friend, or make you feel bad. If you are scared of our church, that’s because she should do something.”   “I don’t know what you can do,” Cait whispered. “All churches are scary. You not supposed to talk in the meeting.”   “Well…, we’re talking, aren’t we? And no one cares as long as we whisper. They just see three kids that don’t know no better, and I prefer them to think I don’t know no better than see my sister or my sister’s best friend feel abandoned when you’re scared.”   “What means a-band-on?”   “It means, being alone. And I won’t leave you to feel alone, Cait. Ruthie, too. We both want you to know you are our friend, and Jesus wants you to know, he’s your friend.”   “How you know what Jesus wants?” Cait leaned against Billy with her thumb in her mouth.   “Because….” He seemed to think on it before he suddenly kissed her cheek. “Because he said let the children come to me. And He holds little kids.”   “You never seen it.”   “It’s in the Bible.”   Cait looked down. Not in Daddy-Dan’s version. In Daddy-Dan’s version…:   “Cait! You pissed your pants again? At church? Jesus is very mad at you.”   “I didn’t mean it.”   “You never mean it, and yet, here you are. He’d grab my belt himself, if he were present. You know that, right?”   Cait felt her eyes tearing up.   Billy pulled her into his lap. “It’s okay, little sister.” Cait felt a little pre-pee.   “What would Daddy say if he knew a boy was holding you in his lap?” the ghost asked.   “Daddy’s not here,” Kookaberry whispered. “Uncle Sean knows. He’s right behind you, and he’s letting it happen. That means it’s okay.”   “Uncle Sean doesn’t use a belt.”   “Uncle Sean also tells her big sisters that the work they doing is too big for little girls, and that so called Daddy can’t stop Uncle Sean from letting the girls make a game of the work, can he?”   The ghost froze.   “This is a new church, Cait. It’s not Daddy Dan’s church. It’s new rules, where you are allowed to put your thumb in your mouth, and let a boy you like hold you.”   Cait slowly closed her eyes. A gentle peace settled in her legs and her arms. Billy was still rubbing her hand with his thumb. Ruth scooted closer, leaned her head on Billy and put her thumb in her mouth, too, and she relaxed. Cait felt her head against her back, because Billy had Cait turned sideways in the seat and he was whispering.   “You are so loved, Cait. Jesus loves you, your uncle and aunt love you, Ruthie loves you….”   The ghost whispered. “Billy loves you.”   Cait didn’t take the bait. Besides, if Billy did, why was that wrong?   Cait rested, a hand slipped out of Billy’s holding on and reached around behind her to find Ruth’s lap. “I love you, Ruthie,” Cait whispered.   “I love you, too,” Ruthie whispered. “And Big brother won’t say it cause it’s not cool for a boy to sort of like a girl, but… he doesn’t hate you, too.”   Cait whispered. “I know. He feels safe.”   More pre-pee went in her underwears.   “I don’t want to get you two in trouble. I’ll just wait until Sunday School to try again. I think my body will wait. I have to wait like this at school all the time. No can take you to the bathroom at school.”   Billy rubbed her back. “Okay, but if I feel you leaking, we go when I tell you.”   “Okay,” Cait whispered back.   Cait looked up at his face, as he held her, and she smiled. He was still holding her. He kept glancing at her, probably checking on her like in the bathroom, to make sure she wasn’t crying. That would tell him she was peeing, if she was crying, only, Cait didn’t think he was just looking for crying or even for pee. There was something else. He kept her there, and when they looked at each other, they smiled. There wasn’t the concern look like are you ready to pee. It was always happy, like I got you, and you can stay. It felt good to get to stay.   Some more wet released into the underwears, this time, a longer stream. Cait had to go.   “Billy? I’m gonna pee my pants,” Cait whispered around her thumb.   “Do you mean you want to right here, or you are scared it’s coming out?”   “I… I think’s going to come out.”   Billy nodded. “Ruth, stay here. Watch the clock. After ten minutes come and get us if we aren’t back. That will give her body time to try to go away from other people.”   Ruth nodded. “Okay. But make sure she walks with her legs partly apart.”   “Why?”   “So if she wets a little pit, it goes on the floor and doesn’t wet her dress.”   “Oh,” Billy’s face got red. “I mean. Yeah. I… okay.”   Billy saw Cait holding her side.   “Come on, Cait. Just get to the hall. You can pee your pants out there. Not here. Not with the Su-um-itches over there looking. Let’s at least do it where they don’t see it, okay?”   Cait nodded and let Billy hold her.   “Ruth made sense, Cait. Try to walk with your legs further apart.”   “That will make me pee,” Cait whispered.   “Better directly to the floor than on your dress where people will see. No one will know you peed on the floor if your dress isn’t wet.”   “You don’t care if I’m peeing?”   “Oh, I care. I care that you’re sad and scared, but if they see it, you’ll be more sad and scared. I’d rather you pee more on the floor and no one knows you did it, than for it to get on your dress and you get scared and made fun of by mean people that don’t get it.”   “Okay.”   Cait tried to walk a little more far-foot apart, but it started to let her panties get more and more wet.   They got into the bathroom.   “Are you okay, Cait?”   “Yeah.”   “Okay, It’s okay. Nothing shows.”   “What do you mean?”   “Just go in the toilet before you pee your pants, little sis. I’ll tell you after, okay?”   “Okay.”   She felt more pee drizzle into her underwears, but Billy was holding the door open and nodding at the toilet like he didn’t see if she was leaking or not.   Cait got on the toilet, and she looked down at her underwears. They definitely wet on the floor. Billy’s lying. She did pee somewhere, and he saw it.   “Shut up, ghost,” Kookiberry whispered. “He wouldn’t lie to her, not without a reason. He is trying to help.”   “Her underwears are wet.”   “Yes, but that doesn’t mean he saw her do it, or where it went on the floor,” Kookaberry told the ghost.   “He said that he’ll tell her after. He knows.”   Cait tried to push past the noise in her head, pressed down against the head-static, was the only thing she could think to call it. The head-static was this weird high pitched down between her ears. It got stronger the more she tried to block out the ghost and Kookaberry and trying to make her body pee. It clamped down again.   Cait started to cry.   “I’m tell my sister you’re in the girls’ bathroom again,” a little kid’s voice cut through the air while Cait shivered.   “You do that, and you tell her I’ll watch the bathroom as long as my sister is going, because that devil doesn’t get to make her wet her pants!”   After she left, he opened the stall door and he saw Cait crying.   “You’re undies wet?” he asked.   Cait nodded, her eyes so full of water, she couldn’t really see him. He felt her heart as though it had ice water dumped on it. Now this boy that had been trying to help her all this time, knew she peed her panties.   “Hey,” Billy whispered. “It’s okay. Stand up and fix your dress. Let’s see how bad, okay?”   Cait still had to pee, but it wouldn’t get out.   “I’m still gonna pee.”   “You want me to leave a moment and let you try again?”   Cait could just make out his face through the blurry tears. “No. Stay. I need help. My panties are wet.”   “I should probably get your Auntie.”   “She won’t be mad, but getting her means other kids will know I peed. Don’t?”   “Okay. What do I do?”   “Just stay in the bathroom and tell me to wash my hands when I come out, like you do Ruth, in case someone comes in? Be my big brother?”   “Okay. But as your big brother, I need to shut the stall and let you fix your clothes, okay? Don’t be scared about the pee on the floor. No one really knows you did it.”   “Okay.”   Billy walked her back to the seats and he let her sit between him and Ruth again. He whispered to Ruth.   “Be nice. She’s wet her panties… a lot… so she’s sad. Let her know how much you love her, okay? But don’t touch her butt. We’re trying not to let the wet show on her dress.”   “Um… Billy?” Ruth looked up at him, seriously.   “Yeah?”   “You had her sit down.”   “Yeah?”   “If her panties were that wet, it’s going to get on her dress.”   “What… what do you mean?”   “I always lift my dress out from under me when I sit after peeing on my panties. She’s sitting on her dress, Billy! She’s going to be wet.”   “Oh, dang it. What do we do?”   “You don’t take her the rest of the main meeting. We go in late to Sunday School, and you walk behind her until she sits, so no one sees her butt. I hold her hand.”   “Okay.”   “You hear us, Cait. If it comes out in the seat right now, it’s okay. But don’t move. You stay here even if you pee your pants until everyone leaves the room. Billy and I help you to Sunday school.”   “Okay. But it still wants to come out. I don’t know why I can’t pee in the toilet. It’s so… so… mad-making!”   “I get it. I do that in my pants sometimes, too, when the Su-um-itches are being mean to me, and sometimes at school if I feel like they are making me hurry. You’re not the only one that’s felt like that or wet because of it.”   “Okay.”   Cait didn’t want to wet her dress though. The Kinsellas bought it special for her, for church. She had to somehow not wet it, and hope the underwears didn’t make it wet. She knew though, as she shifted her bottom, that her dress was wet. She sighed and pressed her knees together trying not to let any more come out. She couldn’t be a baby and ruin something the Kinsellas gave her out of love and accepting her.   Somehow, the time slowly crawled until people were standing.   Billy put a hand on Cait’s shoulder stay. Even if you pee, little sis. We don’t move until all the kids are out of the room, that way, no one sees pee on your dress, okay?”   Cait felt her face get heater-hot-red, but she nodded and even leaked a little bit while she waited for ‘big brother’ to say it was safe.   “Are you going to come to Sunday school?” Billy asked.   “You’ll be there?”   “Yeah. We’re in the same class.”   “You sitting with me.”   “I’m not supposed to, but you can sit with Ruth. They have a fifth grade table, but you are Ruth’s guest today, so they will let you sit with her.”   “Okay. At the fourth graders?”   “Yeah. And I’ll be there. I won’t let anyone be mean.”   “Okay.”   “Billy?”   “Yeah, Cait?” Cait was watching the other kids leave the room and the adults were gathering closer to the front. Sean was waiting by the three children.   “What if I pee in Sunday School? What if everyone sees?”   “If you do it quietly in your panties and no one sees, just stay in your seat. I’ll walk you out after everyone leaves. If you have an accident that everyone sees, then no matter what the rules are, I leave my table and come to you, and I either hold you through Sunday school or I take you to find your big people. Your choice.”   “Okay. I’ll go to Sunday School.”   Chapter 59 The Quiet Table   As they walked through the hallway, Billy stopped his little sister. “Ruth. A quick word before we go in?”   “Yeah?”   “I know it’s a lie, and you don’t have to say nothing. Don’t lie with me, but just don’t say nothing. The teacher expects me as the big brother to say what happened. You don’t have to tell, okay?”   Ruth frowned.   “But you want to protect Cait?”   “Yeah?”   “Well, I’m going to ask your permission. But if you say no… Everyone will know Cait had to pee if I don’t say this.”   Ruth put her hands on her hips. “You gonna say I peed my panties?”   “No! Why would I do that? No. What I was going to do though, is say you wanted to go to the bathroom, so I insisted Cait and I wait for you. Cait because she doesn’t know the way, and me, because I’m being your big brother waiting to tell you to wash your hands.”   “Oh, well, that’s….”   “No,” Cait looked at Billy. “Don’t tell the teacher that Ruth was bad. I peed my pants. Tell her I peed my pants. Don’t tell her Ruth was late on purpose.”   Ruth took Cait’s hand. “He wouldn’t get me in trouble, Cait. It’s not bad at church to go to the bathroom on the way to class, and to sometimes need an older brother or sister with you. It’s normal. He just didn’t want me to feel like he was blaming me being late. He wanted to make sure I knew what would happen if we don’t lie. He knows I hate lying in Sunday School. But this time… it’s… it’s the right thing to do. You don’t deserve people to look at your wet bottom.”   She grabbed Cait’s hand. “You better not tell anyone my friend Cait wet her pants, or else… I… I won’t be your friend no more,” and she put her thumb in her mouth. “I don’t care you peed, but I care other kids make fun of you peed.”   Billy nods. “Exactly. The heart, the person, that’s what matters. Not what sick does to you.”   “You’re sure you’re ready to help me lie this time, sis? Even if you stay quiet, it’s still helping me lie.”   “I don’t see a lie, except about who peed,” Ruth frowned around her mouth. “I don’t care if they think I used the toilet. Let them think what they want. I don’t think Jesus said to never lie. Grownups do it all the time, like when Daddy tells mommy she’s beautiful even when he knows that dress is ugly on her. Jesus says be kind. I don’t think he cares about lying assept when it hurts people.”   “That’s what I keep telling you, Ruth? You finally understand!”   “Well, you do sometimes lie to hide bad stuff. That’s not the same.”   “You got me on that, Ruthie. I do sometimes lie if you or I break something, and that’s why mom always asks you if you know what happened. She knows you’ll tell if it’s important.”   Billy walked behind Cait with Ruth holding Cait’s hand. He bent down to the two girls after they are seated. “If Cait panicks,” Billy whispers but he’s aware the fourth graders are listening. “Just rub her hand like this and tell her to breathe. Remember, she gets panic sometimes. She’s sick, little sis.”   Billy winked at Ruth, and then Ruth… saying “Oh,” winked back.   He then went to the sixth grade table.   “You’re late. Is everything okay?” Mrs. Johnson asked.   “Yeah, I just had to take Ruth to the bathroom and remind her about something.”   “To wash her hands?” Melissa asked. Melissa was at the fifth grade table. “Your little sister is still too much of a baby to go by herself. My little sister told me all about you taking her before the main meeting was even over. You’re lying.”   “He’s not lying,” Ruth stood up. “I pooped. It took a while.”   She sat back down.   “Ew, gross! You don’t have tell us details.”   “You asked for it when you told everyone I was taking too long. So there.”   Mrs. Johnson frowned at Melissa. “Melissa, we don’t need to know how long someone is in the bathroom, and Ruthie, it’s okay. Let’s just continue with the Woman at the well, from the sermon earlier. What did you kids hear?”   Cait frowned. She didn’t hear any of it, and she didn’t think Billy or Ruth heard either because she kept bugging them. She squirmed a little.   “Well,” Mrs. Johnson saw only Melissa’s hand raised. “How about we read about it in the Bible?”   “Cait, do you have a Bible?” Mrs. Johnson asked.   “No. I don’t read good. Daddy never gave me one.”   “Well, Good at reading or not, everyone in this Sunday School Class gets a Bible to follow along, hon. Ruth, get you and Cait a Bible from the back. Does anyone else need one?”   No one raised their hand.   “You don’t have a Bible?” Cait asked Ruth.   “I do. I always forget mine at home. Mrs. Johnson knows now. It’s the third Sunday in her class, and she said last week to just get a Bible from the back if I forget mine. She must have seen I was with you though, so knew I didn’t get one yet.”   “Okay. But I wasn’t lying. I can’t read.”   “I get stuck on those big words and those old ones, too. Don’t be scared.” And then Ruth went and got a Bible.   While Ruth was getting Bibles for herself and Cait, the fifth grade table had whispers going on around it. Cait couldn’t hear them, but she saw the Melissa girl nod at her direction.   “Leave it,” Cait thought she heard someone say, but she wasn’t sure what it meant because no one was going anywhere.   “Now, let’s start reading about the woman and the well,” Mrs. Johnson smiled as she looked around the room.   “Maybe Cait should read first,” Angela said aloud to some of the fifth graders looking at her sharply.   “Well, we can let Cait read in time, but now, let’s start at the sixth grade table. Who would like to read first?” Mrs. Johnson whispered.   Cait didn’t hear everything, but she heard Billy for sure.   “Don’t pick on Cait or anyone that doesn’t usually read good,” he whispered to the other six graders. “My sister has a friend for the first time. I don’t want her to have to stand up, yet. And Don’t call on any of the fifth graders. I don’t trust them.”   Cait glanced over and she saw Billy whispering to a tall thin kid who was reading. He smiled as he continued to read.   Some wet slipped out into her panties gain. She’s a bad girl. He tries to take her potty, but she’s starting to wet herself gain, only this time, the drizzle isn’t stopping. It’s still going… for until… it does stop. Cait looked at the clock. The hand didn’t move. It felt longer than that. Her dress is wet. It’s heavy and it’s dripping on the floor. She feels some of it going down her legs.   The tall sixth grader came to a point, and he looked over at the fourth graders. “Jamie,” he called on a boy with yellow hair and green eyes with freckles at the fourth grade table.   “Hold on, Jamie. Let’s discuss these few lines first…,” Mrs. Johnson directs the class. “Talk to your tables about what you think the woman is thinking.”   Cait saw the other fourth graders looking around and about, and then Cait frown. Jesus tells the woman that she was bad,” she frowned. “That what my daddy said.”   Ruth frowned. “Jesus never says bad, though Cait?”   “Jesus said you have five husband you now have a man who is not your husband.”   “No,” Jamie frowned his finger on his chin. “Even if he said that, the Bible only makes known Jesus told her who he is. What is important, is he says he has a life that cannot die, for her.”   Ruth nodded. “Jesus never said ever in the simple people, what is wrong. He always only said what the people know what happened, if they wrong.”   “That’s right,” a girl with black hair. “Jesus knows if we do something, but he only mad when the leaders say we bad, they do bad. For those who do not know bad, he always has a gift to try again. He telled the woman that he has that is another chance her.”   Cait was wrong again. She felt her underwears leaking against her legs and into the dress and into the chair. She was the one who knows that Jesus is mad at.   “That’s right,” the ghost said. “You were bad. You said the woman bad, but the woman doesn’t pee her pants while she talks to him, and she doesn’t even know he’s the God. You are very bad.”   Cait looked down, her face red. “Daddy says that,” she felt a tear run down her face.   Ruth put an arm on Cait’s arm. “It’s okay, Cait,” she whispered. “Guys? Stop a minute,” Ruth says. Cait. She doesn’t understand. Let’s help her. Let’s not say why she’s wrong… Let’s show her. Can you?”   Cait was shivering badly. Pee was just pouring in her pants now. She can only sit there, waiting for it to start.   Ruth called to the sixth grade table. “Billy! She’s badly really scared! Help!”   Billy stood up. The teacher started towards them, but Billy was faster. He bent down by her.   The other fourth graders stared at Cait and Ruth in confusion. Billy took Cait’s hand. “It’s okay. We’ll go find your big people. You were really brave, Cait. You’re a good girl, you hear me? You’re a good girl, and your not Miss Pissy Pants!”   “Billy!” the teacher looked like she was going to scold him.   “Miss Johnson. I promise. I’ll explain the bad words. Cait. She needs this. I’m sorry.”   He started to help her up.   “Oh, and I thought it was Ruth pissing her pants over there,” Angela smirked at Melissa.   “Not funny, Angela,” Melissa frowned.   “She’s stupid! She can’t not only not read, but she can’t even get her Bible right!”   Two fifth graders stood up and shook their head. “We can’t either.” And they walked over the Fourth grade table. “Guess we’re as stupid as Cait, Miss perfect.”   Angela’s face froze as she saw her cousin walk with them to the fourth grade table. “But… you are the one that told me that Billy was….”   “You’re picking on a kid that is younger than you, and you are picking on someone who can’t read, and you are picking on a girl that might be sick. You heard the fourth graders and the sixth grader telling the fourth graders she’s scared and sick. NOT cool!”   Three other fifth graders stood up. “We are not that dumb, maybe,” one of the boys says. But there’s no room at the perfect table for us. We might ask the sixth graders to put up with thumb sucking fifth graders. One of the fifth graders going to the sixth grade table actually put his thumb in his mouth. “It’s not so bad, actually,” he said around it.   Two more kids stand up, not sure if they want to ask the sixth graders for grace or if they want to go back to fourth grade, but they know one thing. They move to the wall, to the back of the class away from the perfect table. “We’re not perfect enough for that table.”   Cait’s jaw dropped. Her dress is soaked. The rest of the pee is going in her pants, and the fourth grade table got three fifth graders that demoted themselves because that table was being called the table for a perfect person.   Cait squatted down as she still peed, and then sat in her pee, crying. Ruth sat on her knees in the pee, and hugged her friend. Billy reached down and lifted Cait from the shoulders out of her puddle, and he whispered. “Not Miss Pissy Pants, Cait. You don’t sit there. You did nothing wrong.” He walked her over to the sixth grade table, and he sat and he put her in his lap. “If you stay, Cait, you stay with us. We sixth graders need someone to teach us courage like you have. You came in here… and you told me you’d pee, but you tried anyway. You are brave. That’s who you are, Cait!”   When the lines were drawn, Kookaberry whispered to the ghost. “That’s what I been telling you. Isn’t it? At the end of the day, you only know Dan. And I only know Sean and Eiboline, but in the end, I also knew right from wrong, and what is normal. You are learning.”   The ghost wasn’t visible.   “Cait? If you sit in my lap the rest of Sunday School, you can finish peeing your pants, if you didn’t already, and I’ll help you read, and the sixth grade table won’t even care. They purposefully didn’t choose you to read next. I asked and they knew I had a reason, so that reader, right there, he called on a fourth grader that can read. I ask him not to choose a fifth grader for a reason.”   “You asked them not to ask me to read?”   “Yes. Because I think you can read. But not when you’re nervous, scared, and know your sickness will make you pee your pants soon. So I didn’t let them choose you today, not because they think I’m important, but because they are my friends, and they understand that I don’t separate people on purpose.”         Chapter 60 The Woman At The Well? The Children at the Well   The teacher stopped just feet from catching Cait. The kids started to back away from the perfect table, and Mrs. Johnson, stood there, feet from catching Cait, but instead watched Ruth go down with her, and then Cait saw the corners on the teacher’s face twitch as the fifth grade table splintered, the big boy came to help her to his table and put her in his lap, and still, he asked her. “You can stay or go, but if you stay, you stay right here and pee on me and let me help you read.” She heard him say it. He said she could read! She just couldn’t today because she was scared and he knew she was feeling sick and knew she was going to pee, and he didn’t want her to read when she’s sick and scared. He did care!   The other fourth graders… maybe one or two stayed, but the others got up and went to find a fifth or a sixth grader’s lap at the sixth grade table, and those sixth graders, they rubbed fourth grade backs and whispered. “That’s why we’re in the same class. To catch you when you need help.”   Ruth looked at Angela. “Are you too perfect to join the sixth graders, or even talk to the fifth graders by the wall? Because if you are, then you are the one that needs our love. I don’t know why you are sad like this. But this is church, and we help each other at church.”   “Miss Sullaviche,” Mrs. Johnson frowned. “I think you are excused for today. Next Sunday, maybe think if you belong in the perfect classroom or not. If you do, we welcome you, but I don’t teach perfect kids. I’m not qualified. I’m not perfect. But if you understand that you don’t need to be perfect, then you are still welcome to learn.”   She looked at the door, and Angela walked out. The kids at the back wall followed her out and the kids that stayed at the fourth grade table walked out.   “Well, that lesson would have gone better,” Mrs. Johnson frowned.   “How?” Melissa asked. “That lesson was perfect. Angela is always making fun of other kids in class when she’s here. You just met her, and look what she did on the first day you were here. That’s her all the time. Your lesson made us make a choice, and I think that’s a good thing, not that Cait didn’t help. If Cait hadn’t even been hear, it would have gone the way you wanted, but no one would have done anything different from they usually do.”   Cait frowned. “I peed. I caused trouble. I didn’t….”   Billy put his hand on her mouth and he whispered. “Listen Cait. Listen what is going on. You did, too, help. Your courage helped. You are a very good girl.”   She looked down and drizzled in her panties again. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t stopping like it’s supposed to.   “I peed my pants again,” Cait told Billy.   “I know. And I don’t care, Cait. Now, you can read. You’re in my lap. No one will rush you. If you look for help, everyone will rush to help, but no one will tell you the word until you tell us to. You can read. Go on, you read what the fourth grader was going to read. We are here, and I’m holding you. You go ahead and pee your pants while you read. It’s okay.”   Mrs. Johnson let Cait read with the help of the others, and after class, she stopped a few minutes early, they prayed, and then she brought out some peppermint candies.   “I usually check homework and give people who do the assigned homework a piece of Candy,” she told Cait. “But today, you kids still in the room, you did something that no amount of homework will ever teach you. You were a community to the one person that needed help the most in the moment. And Remember, this, kids. Jesus said, if you do it for the least of your brothers, you do it for me!”   Cait looked down. “They did it for me. Why I get candy? I made the trouble and stopped the lesson.”   “No, Cait,” the teacher touched her red hair. “You were brave. You came in here sick, knowing you were scared, and that you might wet your pants, according to other kids, unless they lied…?”   “No. I knew I was gonna. I… I been pre-peeing all in church and Billy tried to take me two times, but it wouldn’t come out. And it kept getting harder to not pre-pee in my underwears even though I tried to use the toilet. I couldn’t.”   “My dad says she has something called a girl in a nea or something,” Billy said rubbing his head. “I heard him talking to mom about what the Kinsellas said.”   “You heard wrong,” Ruth said. “They called it a Hurt no ya.”   Mrs. Johnson frowned. “Well, whatever it is, you know it’s a sickness?”   “Yeah. She needs surgery and everything. And she’s been peeing her pants for a week because the sick is getting really bad, and please don’t tell Angela and adults that will talk about her? She’s trying really hard, and well, you are the Sunday School teacher. You can make her feel better at Church, like you do when Ruth gets nervous and forgets her Bible or the last time she peed her pants in class that first day, remember?”   Uncle Daddy Sean, Mr. Todd Henderson, and several sixth grader and fourth grader along with a couple of fifth grader parents came up because they were really late getting out.   Mr. Henderson saw Cait still in his son’s lap, and he looked to Mrs. Johnson.   The Pastor came in just behind and saw the puddle on the carpet under a chair and then the sixth grade boy holding the fifth grade girl.   “I’m sorry, Pastor,” Mrs. Johnson frowned. “I lost control of the class. If you….”   Melissa walked up to the Pastor. “Mrs. Johnson didn’t do anything wrong. She was teaching like normal. Someone at grade table five said something very outside the spirit, and Mrs. Johnson… being the perfect teacher… let us Understand Jesus and what he offered the woman at the well through our own way. And we don’t want Angela in the intermediate Sunday School no more. Not Mrs. Johnson, the kids don’t. We understand grace, but for her to get grace, she has to be really sorry she shamed a fourth grader….”   “Fifth grader,” Billy corrected her.   “Worse, a peer! She has to be really sorry she shamed a peer when that peer told us she can’t read, and we all heard Billy say she was sick and told Ruth to tell him if she got scared from being sick. Now, we know what that meant. She got so scared she peed. Can that Angela… well, her words don’t belong in our Sunday School until she stops being Miss Perfect in speech but not actions.”   “I can have a talk with….”   “No,” Billy frowned. “If she is allowed to come to class next week, none of the sixth graders will come. I don’t care if you are teaching. Not meaning disrespect to you… but fully meaning it to Angela. Not until she stops picking on my little sister, Cait. Cait is sick!”   “I’m the one that peed my pants, on purpose, in Sunday school,” Cait said. “Don’t punish the others. I caused it.”   “Damn it!” Billy clamped his hand over his mouth even as he heard himself say it.   Mr. Henderson walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Explain, son.”   Cait’s eyes narrowed. Billy was being asked to explain? He wasn’t getting it for cussing in front of the Pastor, the Sunday School teacher, and half a dozen witnesses at church? His dad was asking him to explain?   “Cait already calls herself Miss Pissy Pants in private. She thinks everything is her fault! Something’s not right, Dad! And I… I couldn’t take it! No matter how many times I tell her she didn’t cause the Sunday school trouble, Angela did, she’s still sitting here and calling herself names in her own head! That’s… that’s not normal, dad!”   Mr. Henderson frowned. “I’m sorry, Pastor. If this Angela is allowed to come to this class next week, we will not be letting Billy or Ruth come. That girl has been harsh with Ruth since they started coming in the summers. She’s so scared, she’d rather pee her pants than ask her mom to take her… Social isolation! I won’t have it. That child picks on sick kids? If you allow this, we will stop coming to Sunday service all together!”   The parents started whispering.   “I’ll talk to her parents,” the Pastor said. “I’ll see if we can find out why she’s being like this, but yes, if she can’t promise to be civil, she can sit with her parents or not come to Sunday School at all. The community matters more than a self righteous person. Besides, even didn’t Jesus himself over turn the money tables in the temples when he saw what happened. Jesus doesn’t want this spirit here.”   The parents nodded in agreement.   “And now, little troublemaker Cait,” Billy whispered to her with laughter in his voice. “You just made church safer for my sister. She’ll still need me to take her until she knows that it’s true, but you probably helped her not be the first sixth grader that has to pee her pants just to not get cornered in the bathroom for being different, and it all started because you said yes when she asked you to play at the park on Monday, last.”

I win! 

Heya I’m a 38-year-old plus size trans female pre op, I’ve recently started being little more often it helps me feel safe and comfortable, I live close by to Tunbridge wells in Kent uk(not my exact location), ideally want Someone local enough. When I age regress, my age is quite fluid and usually slides anywhere between 2 and 9 years old. No matter where I am in that range, nappies are a must for me to feel safe, comfortable, and fully in my little space.   When I’m feeling little, I love Giggling loads and being silly Lots of warm, cozy cuddles Bubble baths and playing with splashy toys Playing with my toys and having bedtime stories read to me Snuggling up to a movie   I would love to eventually find a truly nurturing daddy/mummy/caregiver and partner who enjoys providing that kind of safe, sweet care even with days out and days in.   adult me loves gaming on the pc, also loves watching movies from action to horror. I do have sever anxiety, so being little helps me cope a lot of the time.