Mommies and Daddies

I’d say it’s a nanite weapon that’s supposed to do something—I don’t know what yet, but it’s going to be awesome.   All in all, a great chapter.   I hope you feel better soon, whether it’s a two-week or four-week break.   The important thing is that you’re healthy and that you recover.

The next chapter is going to be his flight home.  I'm going to give you a little foreshadowing, Reggie will not follow his mom's order to stay in New York until she can take him home, so a lot of that first meeting will be how his mom reacts to him defying her orders (mom doesn't like it when somebody doesn't do what she told them to do). I'm struggling with the right tense to write this story in.  When I originally planned the story, it was supposed to in a journal style, so the events unfold at the same rate as I write it.  That what I did with Eddie's Potty Training Journal, so Eddie wrote as it happened.  In this story, Reggie is writing this after the fact, but it's set in the current year. Reggie was laid off in January 2026.  Kristy would have been born in 2023, so she would be three years old when this was happening.   Unfortunately, I can't promise when I can update this story.  My process is very tedious, so it can take a while to get the final editing done.  I don't mind doing it, because the process is engaging.  I spent more than 10 hours going through each paragraph word for word. I can usually knock out a couple of thousand words in just a few hours, so my rough drafts go really quickly, but the rough draft is fairly rough and clunky.  It's enough that you lose the characters, so I have to get right before I'm willing to publish it. It's okay, because I love the process. I see it as a sculpture that starts with big chunks, and eventually shines the eyeballs. I completely lost track when I was editing this chapter.  I had to go to bed with it unfinished, and then come back this morning for about two more hours..... I'm on spring break now, but I usually do that on the weekends.  So maybe next weekend, but probably not.  It's usually about every 3 weeks.

図 1     Chapter 1-4 We start to see the establishment of the scene, the characters, and the situation.  Because I've been so stuck with stories to a point, I decided to see if breaking it up into three chunks will help me finish a second story.  So Here is the beginning.  The story ends when the group bests Michelle and Scott, makes both Shane and Pearl more assertive in life, and when Shane and Pearl accept that they are more than just friends. Chapter One             It was not a normal way to meet someone for sure.  I was putting on my nice skirt and checking my hair to make sure I was presentable before I left my room.              “Pearl?  Do you need a ride?” Darren asked me.  Darren was a man that I was put with last year because yeah, foster kid.  He was decent though, and he didn’t make me feel bad about too many things that happened in life.             “I mean, if you are offering I won’t say no,” I shrugged in my soft appreciative voice I always had used for him when I wanted something since we met.             “You are meeting at the public library, right?”             “Yes sir.”             “Don’t let the boy take you anywhere that isn’t public, and if you go somewhere else, you call me, understand?”             “Yes sir.”             He insisted we hug a moment before we left the house, like he always did.  “I know you’re a big kid and don’t want your friends seeing you hug someone that takes care of you, so we do this at the house before I take you somewhere so you don’t have to be embarrassed.”             I nodded.             Then we were at the library about ten minutes later.             “Three hours, right?” he asked me.             “Yes sir.  I have to tutor the boy in four subjects, so about forty minutes in each plus twenty minutes break halfway through so we can relax a moment.”             “Sounds fair.  Now, you know you don’t have to work, right?  You don’t need this job.”             “I know.  But I want to do it.”             Sweet Darren had always been a little funny about me doing anything that seemed a little bit like work, but I wanted spending money that I didn’t feel guilty spending.  This was my first job at fourteen years old, and it was arranged through the youths and parents at his church for young teens to help other young teens with studies they were having difficulty with.             I was soon in front of the library, Darren still waiting, leaning against the building with his arms folded as a boy from my math class walked up with brown hair and blue eyes.  He was sort of skinny, and always seemed so quiet both in youth classes at church and at school.             “Hey, Shane,” I smiled shyly and gave a small wave.             His mother smiled at Darren.  “Thank you for letting your daughter tutor him.  He’s been having a hard time since starting middle school, so this seems like a really good thing for him, and he says your daughter is the smartest kid in class.”             “That’s nice of him to say.  She’s had her own struggles, but school thankfully for her, isn’t one of them.”             I looked down blushing hoping no one would bring up the struggles he was talking about, but they didn’t.             As I adjusted my skirt and sat down at the round table, Shane started to get his things out of his bag.             “It’s kind of hard thinking of you struggling with anything,” he said in a very shy soft whisper too quiet for a boy.  “You have like straight As in everything, don’t you?”             “Not exactly,” I whispered.  “PE, sometimes doesn’t go well, and in lifeskills, people kind of make fun of things I don’t know.”             Shane shook his head.  “I can’t imagine that, but since you are here to tutor me, let’s look at the things you are good at.  Can we start with math?”             “Sure.”             His hand brushed mine, his pale skin quite white compared to my golden arm.  “Your dad is… well…, white.  And you are…,” he seemed stuck on how to finish that sentence.             “I’m not?” I asked helping him out.  “Yeah, I’m a foster kid.  But Darren is really nice.  I like it at that place.”             “Do you have a foster mother, too?”             “Well, that’s how it usually works, but this time, I just have Darren.  That’s kind of what he meant that I’ve had my struggles.  He doesn’t care about if I get in a little trouble at PE or if I need extra help in lifeskills.  He said it’s his job to teach me lifeskills anyway, not the school’s.”             “I’m glad you have a decent person taking care of you.  I heard people can be mean when you aren’t their real kid.”             I sighed.  “Yeah.  They can be.”             We looked at a math problem for a moment which I thought had closed the discussion.             “So you know how to find the factors of the square and factor a quadratic equation, right?”             He frowned.  “I understand the concept.”             “Show me.  Try this one.” And I wrote out Xsquared + 3X +2.             As he worked on figuring out what the answer was, I watched how fast the answer came to him, and how he went about looking at it.  Then I had him try Xsquared +11X +30.             “So, is there a point to doing these problems not on the homework?” he asked.             “I’m trying to figure out where you are, and how easy it is for you to come to the answer because the ones we are doing for class right now are really the same thing, but you have to think with an extra dimension.”             “okay.”             He seemed to bite his lip, but came to the right factors (X+5)(X+6).             “Okay, last testing problem before I help you understand how what we are doing is the same was what you already know.  Xsquared -X -30.”             “Okay…,” Shane put his pencil on his chin and started tapping.  “Well, there will be something like this….” And he wrote (X+ )(X- ).             “That’s right…,” I encouraged.             “Excuse me, can I go to the bathroom?” Shane asked.             “I know it’s hard,” I encouraged.  “But you can do this.  It’s not that hard.  Just work through this one with me, and then you can go, okay?”             He had a tight lipped smile, but he nodded.  “Alright.  Fine.”             I probably should have let him go right away, because my own expectations were going to bite me in a way I didn’t expect.             I asked him, “what ways can you make thirty by multiplying two numbers?”             “I know that part,” he scratched his head embarrassed and frustrated.             “Well, you still need to pair them for me.  I can’t see your thoughts unless you show me.”             “Fine,” he started to bounce a leg.  I figured he was a boy and he just said something, so he could probably wait a little longer.  We were the same age, weren’t we?”             “Okay, now look at the pairs, and think, if I subtract them, how can I get 1? (X+6)(X-5) he wrote.             “Well, yes, but if you add +6 and Subtract 5, you get exactly one.  You want to get minus one.  So…?”             He quickly corrected the order.             “Look, I need to go,” he said his face red.  “I mean… unless you are trying to make me….”             I felt my own face blush and I looked away.  “No, of course not.  Go.”             He hurried off.             While he was gone, I looked over at his first problem of his homework, 4X+4X+1.             Sat down and I was glad to see his tan pants were completely dry.  I really didn’t want to make him do something like that, I just thought he was a boy and people always said boys are stronger, plus we are the same age, and I can a few minutes, anyway.             “Okay, so this problem isn’t too much harder than what you already know how to do,” I explained.  “Since the last number is a one, you still only have to worry about the factor of one total, or in this case, we only have to think four, and how to get it.”             “Okay, so 4 and 1 and then 2 and 2.”             “Right…,” I saw his hand to the back of his neck.  “Don’t worry, you’ve got this.  This one is just like you did with the other one.  But let’s think… of the last number is just one.  Actually, let’s try something here.”             “What’s that?”             “What if we had 4 + 4X + Xsquared?  What would you do?”             “Rewrite it so the Xsquared is first?”             “Fair, but let’s work it as it is.  Just do the same steps, but reverse where the Xsquared goes and the single whole number.”             “Sure.”             I wrote donw ( +X)( +X).             “Do you see?” I showed him.  “What numbers make 4 when you multiply and you add as well?”             He wrote (2+X)(2+X)             “Good.  That’s all there is to it.  Now, when we have an X by itself, it doesn’t mean 2X, right?”             “No,” he breathed.  “Just one.”             “So let’s move the X in front of the two and because there is only 1 of something, just write one, where X was.”             (2X+1)(2X+1), he wrote.             “And multiply it out and see if it’s the same?”             He did.             “So, that’s trick number one.  If you have 1Xsquared, or you have some numberXsquared plus one, It can be looked at the same, except the number goes in front of the X if the Xsquared has a number in front of it.  Now the tricky part….”             We ended up working on math more than I expected, and still wasn’t sure he got it yet, but at least he did understand the principle that if either side only has a one, then at least he only had to worry about factoring one number.             When I looked at the clock, we had spent nearly half our time already.             “We spent way too long on math,” I warned him.  “If we are going to get through the other three subects, we are going to have to just do 30 minutes on each, and not take a break.”             He shrugged.  “I’m good.”             “Okay, what is next, then?”             “Reading,” he sighed.  “Honestly, Reading and Math are the main reasons anything else is too hard.  If I could just read, I sort of understand the science and the history.  I actually like history.”             “If Reading is your hardest one, let’s do History, then, first.  If we spend time on the reading the history, then you can easily answer the questions at home, but if we spend it all on reading, you’ll get your reading done, but you won’t get your best subject done.  That doesn’t make any sense to me.”             He smiled.  “Okay.  But I’ll need you for every part for this.  I don’t write too good because I don’t read too good.”             “I get it,” I smiled.  “So, do you now what happened December 7, 1941?” I asked Shane.             “That was Pearl Harbor,” He nodded.  “Yes, so what happened around Pearl Harbor?”             “Well, the Japanese had surprised America with a bunch of ships and planes that dropped bombs on Pearl Harbor and sank a bunch of our own ships.”             “Well, can you start reading at the top of page 41?”             “Okay.  But I don’t read too good.”             “I know.  That’s why I’m here.  So….  Just start.  No judgment here.  Trust me, there are a lot of foster kids that don’t read at all.”             “You do….”             “Yeah, well, I’ve been kind of lucky.  But those kids in the foster system that don’t do well at school don’t get as much help as they need.  We are here for you, though, so enough about the system.  Please start.”             He wasn’t wrong.  He read most of the four letter words fine, but when he came to words longer than five words, I had to nearly tell him what the words said.             “You’re kind of shaking,” Shane told me.  “I know you have to pee, but if you are going to make all that noise, maybe we should just call it for now.”             I sighed.  “We are barely into doing your history homework, and you still have your Science and your Reading, right?  Are you going to interrupt the whole time?  You told me to wait, so I’m waiting.”             He sighed and shook his head.  “Whatever.” There was a blush in his cheeks.             He wasn’t wrong though.  There was a constant pressure, there, but I couldn’t just go when I told him to wait for one thing.  To him, since we were just starting to read, this reading section would be just one thing.  I’d just have to fight through it, then I argue that I held it as long as I asked him to.             “Infamy?” he looked at me when we read that part.             “You know what famous means, right?” I asked.             “Kind of.  It’s like when everyone knows you and thinks, I wish I was with that person or I want to be that person?”             “Yeah…,” I wasn’t quite sure he got how it was different from other close meanings, but for the reading, it was probably good enough.             “So… Infamy,” I frowned and looked up at him.  “It’s like everyone will know it, but it means not famous.  That means that no one wants to remember it, but they will.  It’s really bad.”             “So, December the seventh will be the worst day of American History?” Shane asked.             “Well, yeah, because it was the day that America was actually reached and attacked by an outside enemy.”             “What about the Twin Towers in 2001?”             “Yeah.  That was a bad day for sure, but at the time, America had not been hit by another country before on our own land.  So it made sense at the time.  But you know, there are lots of famous singers, right?”             “Sure.”             “Well, because one is famous doesn’t mean another isn’t.”             “True.”             “That’s like infamy.  Both September the eleventh and December the seventh could be days of infamy for America.”             “Oh, okay….”             I had to squeeze my legs really tight and hold my hand down at my skirt hoping he wasn’t thinking I was being strange or something.  My face heated up a bit, but I just had to go so bad.  And we still had a good bit to read before we finished the section.             “So, um… read from here,” I showed him his place.  I wasn’t sure, but it seemed like part of his problem might have been he needed glasses.  But I was sure he wasn’t in the foster program.  I wasn’t sure why his parents didn’t take him for glasses or something.             As he read about America’s response, my legs bounced a bit more, and my stomach cramped a little.  I rubbed my stomach while I looked over his shoulder from the side, trying to help him with a few words here and there.             We were almost at the bottom of the section when he stopped me.  “I don’t understand.  This says battleships, but then it says destroyer.  Did they have two kinds of ships in World War II?”             “They had several kinds of ships in World War II,” I sighed.  “Look.  They talked about submarines, ships that can duck under the water to surprise attack battleships, they had battleships which were the largest ships with guns, they had carriers that were the largest ships even larger than the gunships, and then they had destroyers that were smaller but faster ships.”             “Oh, right.  So it’s not the samething at all then?”             “No.”             I started to feel it moments before a little went in my panty causing my legs to tense up, my face to contort into a grimace, and my ears to burn.  I somehow cut it off, and I hoped nothing was noticed.             “No, I believe destroyers were actually used to seek out enemy subs,” I explained to him.  “Look, I didn’t know this was going to get into ships at all.  That’s not the history lesson,” I felt my breath come a little short as I held back another try at the liquid trying to push through again.  “I… I think I really need to go to the bathroom.”             “Oh, okay.  But I can’t really do anything with you gone, so break time?”             I looked at the clock.  We only had an hour left, and we still had science and reading to tackle.  I really had to pee, but if I gave him a break, I didn’t see how we were going to even get into those things.             “Um… no, we can’t take a break right now.”             “But you were going to go to the bathroom,” Shane frowned at me.  “It’s not like I can do anything if you are in there.  You saw how bad my reading is.”             “I know,” I sighed.  “Come on, we need to finish this part up and answer the questions.  We are already behind, and I’m not sure we’ll even finish the homework in time.”  I looked up at him with my mouth tight, my eyes nearly closed in concentration, my ears burning, my body shaking, and my thoughts scattering and screaming at me that I was being stupid and I was going to piss myself if I didn’t go now.             I looked into Shane’s eyes, though, he wasn’t even looking down at my squirming hands trying to pull at my skirt for decency or rather, to hide the little bit of pee that I knew was already on the chair.  No, he was looking into my eyes.             “You’re not going to get in trouble if you don’t make it, are you?” he asked me.             “Look.  I know you don’t like reading, but we are not going to use me as an excuse not to study.”             “I… I didn’t mean to do that,” His eyes looked down and to the side.  “I just don’t want your dad to hit you if you… you know?”             “I… he won’t hit me.”             He nodded.  “Okay.  Well, I guess let’s look at the questions then, if you are sure you won’t get hit if… if it happens.”             “I won’t get hit, I promise,” and I smiled up at him but it still felt like a grimace even to me because I was trying so hard not to wet my pants.  Darren didn’t worry me.  What everyone in the library thought at the moment it could happen worried me a lot more than what Darren would even say to me.             “If it’s really that uncomfortable, I won’t tell anyone at school… you know, if you just want to do it so you are more comfortable.  We’re going to be here another hour, and I doubt you can wait that long.”             I felt my face get really hot.  “I… I could just go to the toilet?”             “Yeah,” he sighed.  “But then I’d have to tell mom and dad that you knew we weren’t going to finish, but you took a break anyway.”             His parents were the ones paying me.  I looked down.  “But if I just pee my pants?”             He shrugged.  “You were working.  There wouldn’t be anything to tell them other than you helped me understand the math today, at least a little better.”             I sighed, pushing myself to look up into his eyes, which did look kind of soft, not like they were telling me what to do.  “Let’s just see if we can answer these questions, then.  So….”             We spent another ten minutes talking back and fourth about what the section was about, and me reading the questions to him, but still making him write the answers.  He wrote so slowly.  I felt another little bit drizzle into my panty.             I stiffened again, like before.  My hand held my skirt tail tight.  I glanced around but the library seemed to not really notice me.  I shook.             “Pearl?” Shane called me a couple of times until I focused on him.  “We can stop if you need.”             “No.  Go on, I’m watching.  Just try to write your best.”  A little more drizzled again as I stiffened more.             “Are you sure?  You’re definitely not going to make it, so either go to the toilet now, or pee your pants.  Your moving around isn’t helping me.”             “But….  If I can’t get to everything?  Is your mom going to ask?”             “Probably,” Shane sighed.  “I mean, but if you can’t help it, and I mean, you really are not taking a break.  But moving around is just making me too nervous to remember what I’m writing.”             “Come on, please?  You were writing about the famous ships that were sunk in Pearl Harbor.”             I felt a little more come out, and I saw him look at me.  At the same time, I felt the pee leak into the chair enough to make a puddle, and my panties felt soggy.             “Will you try to concentrate if I promise to just pee?” I asked.             “I can’t if you aren’t here,” Shane shook his head.             “I know.  I meant, if I just pee my pants, can you try to concentrate?”             “Yeah.  As long as you can keep talking and help me.”             I nodded and tried to push a little, but it didn’t want to be forced.  So it stayed in tight.             “Shane,” I frowned.  “Think about it.  How do you spell Arizona?  Come on, erase, and think about the word with me.  It’s not that hard.”             He gave me a look like ‘oh boy,’ but he obeyed me and erased the word.             Some warmth spread into my seat and wet my panties under my butt.  I was starting to really do it.  Pee went into the chair, and then it stopped just before it pushed over the edge.  I couldn’t tell if he noticed yet or not.             “Ar e?” he asked.             “It from Spanish, Shane.  In Spanish, the letter I is often pronounced ee.”             “Oh,” he looked down.  “I was taking French this year.”             “Well, some sounds in Spanish is the same as in French, right?” I aksed.  “Doesn’t the letter I in French make an ee sound?”             “Yeah,” he blushed.             I felt it push again, a big gush, and pee spilled over the edge of the front of my seat as I lifted a bit to point out the word in the reading for him.  “See?  Arizona has the letter I in it.”             “Yeah, I see.”             I slumped back into my seat as pee gushed and kept gushing until I finally finished in my pants.             “You peed?” he whispered.             I felt the red in my cheeks deepen as the heat felt more intense and somehow deeper within.  “I couldn’t hold it anymore.”             “Your dad isn’t going to hit?”             “No,” I said looking around at the library, the nearest person at least twenty paces away.             “Don’t worry about everyone else,” Shane promised me.  “I’ll let you tie my jacket around you if your skirt shows any when you stand up.”             “I have a jacket to tie around my waist,” I said in a low whisper that I was sure carried my embarrassing shyness.             “Hey, what’s the third question?” Shane asked pointing at the book as though trying to stop me thinking about it.  “Come on, no point in not doing what we can now.  You are wet, so let’s at least get you paid right for working so hard.”             “Okay,” I felt my scratchy throat scrape the worlds as they passed into the air.             We got to the Reading and halfway in, when Shane’s mother and Darren walked up on us.             “How far did we get?” Shane’s mom asked.             “Well, she did her best, actually.  It’s just really hard for me to read.”             “No excuses.  How far did you kids get?”             I looked up at Darren.  “I… I couldn’t finish.”             “Hey, sweetie,” he pulled me into his side as I sat, and he noticed the water in the chair when he did.  “Did we have a little problem while studying?”             “Um… yeah,” I blushed hard because of Shane’s mom being right there, probably judging me.             “We can go, honey,” he started.             “Excuse me, I still have to pay her…,” Shane’s mom said.  “And I’d like to set up the next time.”             I looked up.  “You don’t need to pay me.”             “What?  Why not?” Shane’s mom asked.             “Mom, she worked really hard,” Shane said.  “You know how slow I am at reading.  We couldn’t finish everything because I couldn’t read that fast, but she did help me start to understand how the quadratic thing works in math.  We just didn’t really get past one side or the other being one.”             “I’m not sure what that means,” the woman frowned.  “But you’re sure she helped you?”             “Yeah.  It’s just that we only really had time to finish two of the subjects and half of the third one.  I told you, math needs like an hour and a half on its own, and well, reading needs its own hour, thus we only finished two and a half subjects.”             The lady with really dark hair, but brown, pulled out her pocketbook from her purse.  “Well, I suppose we could maybe let her tutor Shane again tomorrow?” she asked.             I looked down.  “Well, we didn’t finish reading, and he still needed to work on his science, but….  It was kind of hard.”             “Are you saying you don’t want a job?” she asked.             “No.  I’m not saying that….”             “She’s scared, mom.  She wouldn’t admit it, but you know how we read that foster parents sometimes hit their kids?”             His mom narrowed her eyes at Darren.             “He doesn’t hit me, okay?  He knows I peed just now,” I felt my face heat up with both anger and embarrassment.  “And he doesn’t really mind.”             “Excuse me,” Darren put a hand on my shoulder.  “I need to get my kid to the car.  I told you earlier that she has her own issues.  And Shane is right, a lot of foster parents do hit their foster charges.  It makes me sick, and their treatment of her has… well, caused a lot of problems we’ve been working on for a little while.”             I hadn’t realized, but Darren had picked me up and was carrying me out of the library while he was still talking.  Shane’s mom was still walking along side us.             “I mean, if I realized she pees herself, we could have set it up to do at your place or something….”             “Mr. Darren tried with me, remember?  You didn’t like me being at someone’s house you didn’t know.”             She sighed as she pulled money out of her pocketbook.  “Well, here is what I owe her for today.  Call me if we can set up for him to come to your house tomorrow.  It should only be another hour and a half at most, right?  Thirty minutes for reading and an hour for Science?”             “Yeah, I think that would work, Mom, though I could really use some more math help to finish my homework for Monday.”             Shane patted my back.  “I really would love for you to teach me some more, if you wouldn’t mind?”             I just kept my head in Darren’s chest, not wanting to look at anyone else.  He was my safe place.             Darren's heartbeat thudded steady against my ear as he carried me through the automatic doors, the sharp afternoon sunlight hitting my damp skirt in a way that made me squirm. Shane's mom hesitated near the curb, clutching her purse with white-knuckled fingers. "Are you sure, " she started, but Darren just shook his head and adjusted his grip on me. "Pearl needs dry clothes and a quiet minute. We'll talk about it, later." His voice left no room for argument. Chapter Two Minutes later, we were at home with Darren carrying me into the house, not even caring, I noticed from when he picked me up earlier and was now leaning over me to pick me up from the car, that he didn’t even care I had wet on his shirt when he helped me earlier.  I wasn’t that surprised though. “Why don’t we let you go take a bath, sweetie and then we’ll talk about whether this is a good job for you.” “But Darren, please,” I whispered in his ear.  “I liked trying to teach Shane.  It’s just kind of hard because he reads really slow.” “Honey, you worked three hours earlier,” he carried me to the bathroom and put down by the toilet.  He started running the bath for me.  “And now, it seems you need another hour and a half?  That’s like another near full day at school, honey.  I don’t think that’s an effect way to spend your weekends, plus I really want you going to church on Sunday and that’s another two hours.” “I know.” “Well, let’s get you a bath.  I’m not talking about this until you are cleaned up, honey.  You know we’ve talked about you holding it like this before.” “I… I know.  But I couldn’t take a break.  If I took a break, we wouldn’t have even started on the reading, Darren?” “Well, that’s why I’m worried about you working there.  Look, if you insist on talking about this right now, then we can, but I have to get you cleaned up, so if you want privacy to clean up, I suggest we put this off until….” “I don’t mind if you help me, Darren.  You’re really nice.” “Sweetheart, I know how you feel, but you are fourteen years old.  I don’t think it’s very good for me to be cleaning you up like you’re a baby, and I’m pretty sure CPS would agree with that.” “Not even if I feel more comfortable you being in here?” “Sweetheart, I can read a book by the door with the bathroom door closed for you.  You know I have no issue with being here for you.  I just don’t want you to get it in your head that this is what is natural even in a regular family.” “But….  What if…?” “You know no one can get in the trailer without me knowing it, don’t you?  And with me right outside the bathroom door, you do know no one can get in here, don’t you?” “I… I know, but….” Darren sighed.  “You’re still scared that I might find something more important to do?” I gulped and nodded.  No matter how many times I told the family before, when I came out of the bathroom, the hall was empty, and even if they didn’t do anything that should have scared me, I… I just didn’t like being in any room by myself. “I’ll leave the door open, baby.  But you are fourteen.  You need to get used to cleaning up on your own, at the very least.” “We could talk about me still tutoring Shane while I’m cleaning up?” “Then I can shut the bathroom door for you?” he asked. I looked down and my lip started to quiver.  I felt a heavy pain in my heart.  My legs shook. “No, no, it’s okay,” he stopped and put a hand on my back.  “I’ll just sit on the toilet, will that be better?” “Please?” I whispered still scared. “Of course, baby.  Take as long as you need.” I got in the tub, and I sighed deeply before I turned back to Darren as I started to wipe my arms with the wash rag.  “Please?  I really need this.  I can use the money for things I really need, that I don’t want to tell you about.” “You know, Pearl, I understand that you might have certain girl needs, and you know that the state pays for your care.  That’s what the money from foster care is for… is you?” “But, it’s for stuff like food and you know, essentials.  Not for other things I don’t want to tell you about.” “I’m pretty sure what you are talking about are exactly what the money is for.  Those things are as important as food and clothes to a young woman.” I knitted my brows towards each other.  “What are you talking about?” “Well, what are you talking about?” “I can’t tell you,” I told Darren.  “Trust me, it’s something you wouldn’t want to talk to someone about giving you money either.” He sighed.  “Look.  The state money is yours, little lady.  If you don’t think I’m giving you enough to take care of your personal needs, then we can definitely adjust how much I’m letting you have each month.” “I… I get plenty of spending money from you, Darren.  It’s just prices keep getting higher and there’s things that are not… exactly needed, but I want to get, and I really want to buy it.” “Well, how is that embarrassing to tell me about, sweetie?” I lowered my head, my hair covering the side of my face and the curtain of hair also kept his face partially obscured from my vision for a moment.  “I… I wanted to get you something.  I mean, not from the state, and not from the money that you give me, but I mean… you know, from me!” “Honey?  Why?  Don’t you understand that just talking to me and letting me be in your life is all I’d ever ask of you.” I nodded.  In a very low whisper.  “That’s why, though.” Darren frowned.  “Well, I do appreciate the trouble you are going through, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself especially if it’s just for a gift for me, honey.” “But… what if I want to buy other gifts, you know, for friends at school?  Gifts and stuff is so expensive recently.” “They are, that is true,” Darren put a hand on my back.  “But your true friends don’t need gifts from you, especially if they cause you to be unhealthy and to hurt yourself.” “Well, it was just an accident this time.  I… it was sort of my fault.” “I’ve talked to you about peeing your pants before,” Darren looked right over and I could see through the curtain of hair that he was searching for my eyes.  “You are fourteen years old, little lady.  I will never believe a kid your age does that on purpose for attention.” “That’s… that’s not what I meant by my fault this time.” “Then tell me why you think it’s your fault, sweetheart.” “Well, I started to help Shane with the math.  He understood the very basics of what we were doing, and he was happy to work with me, but then, when we started something a little harder, to catch him up where the class is…, he looked scared and he said that can I let him use the toilet.” Darren nodded.  “Okay….” “Well, I thought he was just being avoiding, you know, because it’s so hard?  So I told him he had to wait for us to finish one little part, so I could make sure he was ready to learn where we were.” “You’re not wrong.  Kids do sometimes put off things that are frustrating if they can.  The bathroom is often an excuse.” “Well, he really did have to go, so after we finished that part, I let him go.  Then he came back and we started working.  It took a long time to get him just so he understood part A, but she still doesn’t get it completely.  That’s why we need more time for math and we need to finish his reading and his Science.” Darren frowned.  “So, you’d basically be working with him for another three hours, if I let you have your way, tomorrow?” “Yeah.” “Well, how was wetting your pants, your fault, child?” “Well, when we saw how much time math took, I said we couldn’t take any breaks.  And then we started working on History.  While I was working on history with him, maybe halfway in, I kind of had to pee.” Darren frowned as I recalled how it went down. “How long do you think you had Darren wait, maybe ten minutes?” “Oh, he was kind of slow in math, too.  Honestly, probably closer to thirty minutes.” “Well, that was not a good idea to make him wait that long.  He could have ended up peeing himself, too, and then you’d have his mom mad at you and trying to sue you.  Where did you learn it was okay to force someone to wait that long?” “Well, not my last home…,” but Darren cut me off. “I’m sorry.  I forgot for a minute who I was asking, baby.  Of course you didn’t know any better.  That’s what people did to you.  It’s wrong though.  I don’t ever want to hear of you asking him to wait more than ten minutes again, okay?” I nodded.  “Yes sir.  But since I told him to wait, and then he told me that it wasn’t really fair I said no breaks, and anyway he can’t read without my help, how was he supposed to work while I was in the bathroom?” “I see his point, but he should have let you go when he realized you were in trouble.” “Well, I didn’t want his mom to get mad that I wasn’t already going to finish, but then I’d be stalling doing the rest, so I… just tutored him so I wouldn’t make her as mad.” “I’m sure Mrs. Bennet wouldn’t have been that mad, honey.  She knows he has a hard time with reading and math, and as you found out when she went to take him home, she was more than willing to pay you for more time.” “But I don’t think we would have had time to start his Reading if we had taken the break.” “You said his reading is really bad.  Maybe you can let him find a different tutor for the other subjects and just focus on math.  Then if she let you, you could break it into two sessions a week, for an hour and a half.  Honestly, two or more three hour sessions… you just aren’t ready for that, sweetheart.” “But, I promised the church youth group, Darren.  I’d be going back on my word.” “I thought we told the church youth group that you would try, and that we would do a three hours session once a week, on Saturdays.  You didn’t let them down.  You tried, and you didn’t even cover everything.” “Please.  I can do it.  It’s just the first time.  I promise, it’ll just take some adjusting.  I can get it down to three hours for all four subjects, I promise.” Darren frowned at me as I started washing my legs.  “Honey, you know I don’t want you holding you pee in like you were doing before you came to stay with me.  You had a lot of problems from that and other things your abusive homes did to you.” “I know.” “I’ll tell you what….” He seemed to think as he spoke, so he spoke rather slowly.  “I will let you have an hour and a half with Shane tomorrow….” The pause was long.  It was eternally long.  Then he continued.  “…But, you will have to wear a pull up.  You are to promise me not to hold it.  If holding it so much as comes up, you are to piss in the pull up.  Otherwise, you both go to the toilet as soon as you have to go.” “I… um… I can pee my pull up?” I asked. “As long as you don’t hold it, at all.  You either immediately head to the toilet or you go in your pants.  No trying.” “What if Shane catches me peeing my pants, but it’s not making a puddle?” “Do you honestly think he’ll care if you are getting the floor wet?  You saw him today.  He didn’t seem to mind that you peed your pants, did he?” “No…,” I hung my head.  “But it was still embarrassing for him to watch me pee my pants.” “I should hope it was, Pearl.  I’m not telling you not to hold it to get you to wet your pants.  You do understand, my real goal is for you to go take care of yourself, and not hold it or let it go in your pants, don’t you?” “Oh.  I wasn’t sure because you told me I should wear a pull up.” “Pearl…,” Darren shook his head and frowned.  “The purpose of the pull up isn’t for you to wet your pants on purpose.  It’s to keep people from staring at you because I don’t want you holding it, and so if you decide you are not going to the toilet because we disagree on what is more important, at least no one else will notice you peeing your pants.  It’s a just in case thing, not a wet your pants thing as something I’m telling you to do.” I looked down.  “Sorry.” “Sweetheart.  You are so confused, still.  That’s the real reason I don’t like you working yet.  You don’t even understand how to take care of yourself so you know how to take care of your own rights and health.” “You said I was allowed to pee my pants,” I whispered. “And you are allowed, honey.  But I would think a kid your age would take that as permission so you aren’t scared when you wake up from wetting the bed, or if something actually prevents you getting to the toilet in time, so you aren’t scared.  I had hoped it wasn’t something you’d think to use keep some bad ideas that have been drilled into you.” “So…, I’m not allowed to see Shane and help him?” Darren shook his head and walked over and started to wash my back.  “No, I’m not going to prevent you seeing Shane.  You can help him if you want, but I don’t want you working with him more than an hour and a half at a time and maybe twice a week.” “Do you think his mom will agree?” “If they want your help, they will have to agree because I’m not budging from that.  Shane’s mom’s priorities are different from my own.  We are prioritizing what our own child needs.  I don’t want you holding it for three hours, and I don’t want you wearing pissy pants for over two hours.” “Okay.” Chapter Three             Darren helped me out of the tub and gave me a towel to dry off with, and before long, he had me in the living room relaxing on the floor.  I was now doing my own homework while I watched television, and Darren was on the phone with Mrs. Bennett.  I was sort of worried she would be mad that I peed my pants in public, but they were talking and it didn’t seem like she was put off by the boundaries that Darren placed on it, though I could hear Darren.             “I’m sorry, Mrs. Bennett, but I’m not going to have my daughter sitting in a soaked pull up for over two hours, and she’s not to hold it.  If anything makes her scared to use the bathroom, she will pee her pants.”             On TV, Jerry, the little brown mouse was lighting a match under Tom, the blue cat’s toe.             “We saw how that went, Mrs. Bennett.  Four subjects cannot be explained to your son in an hour and a half.”             I saw that for Life Skills, we were going to be making cookies the next day at school.  Reading the directions wasn’t hard, really, but there were other reasons that I didn’t do well in that class.  I hated Life Skills more than I hated any other class, and PE was a close second.             “I know your son needs as much help as he can get, but honestly, what it boils down to, is he needs help in math and reading.  I don’t think Pearl should be helping him with his Reading homework, but rather spending the time trying show him how to read.  Don’t you qualify for any special classes at all for him?”             I put the Life Skills homework to the side.  It wasn’t hard, at all.  It was just reading, but I was hungry, so I went over and stood next to Darren who was still negotiating with Mrs. Bennett.             “I’ll permit Pearl to spend no more than an hour on math and then thirty minutes alternatively on Science and History if that’s what you want.  But you must outline only one subsection in his book that she will go over.  After that, she’s done with that subject, and then… if you really need… I’ll discuss her having another half an hour for helping him with reading in her own way, not with the school Reading.”             I looked up at him.  Did Darren just give me permission to have two hours instead of an hour and a half?  I hugged him but he was still talking.             “If we are doing two hour sessions, we do the session at your house or my house from now on.  My daughter may or may not pee her pants, on occasion, and if it happens, I want her to be somewhere where there are less people staring at her, and she’ll pack some extra clothes when she goes to your place.  If you see she’s wet or if you check on them, and your son has mentioned he knows she’s peed, you make sure she changes.  Don’t leave for two hours, even if she pees her pants just in your door.”             I smiled.  Darren really was making this a very big deal.  Of course, I could remember one other woman that would have made it a big deal… only, it would not be for my benefit.             “Yes, please have Shane come over tomorrow, then?  Say around four?  But here is Pearl.  If you want her to work two hours, you need to talk about expectations and to adjust your payment schedule.”             “Hello?  Mrs. Bennet?”             “Pearl.  I’ll pay you double since you are going to work two days.”             “But…, Mrs. Bennett, that’s only really one hour extra, not three extra hours.”             “That’s fine.  If you can help Shane with even just math and reading, and will be worth it, and you’d still be working with him a little bit with Science or History, too.”             “I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll pay you for what you did today, and then I’ll pay for tomorrow’s work.  I was supposed to pay you today, but a lot of things happened so fast, I didn’t get a chance to.”             “Yeah.  I guess so.” On Sunday morning, I first felt a bright light piercing through my eyelids and flooding my mind with a bright red glow from behind my closed eyes.             “Pearl, honey, time to wake up for church.  I’ll be in the kitchen waiting for you, honey.”             I opened my eyes and saw Darren standing at my doorway, smiling in at me.  I couldn’t help but smile at him.  The days of when my blankets would be yanked away, of when I’d get a belt to the back, or when I’d have to go to church smelling like I did when I woke up was long behind me.             “What time is it?”             “It’s seven, just live every other Sunday morning I wake you, sweetie.”             “It happened again.”             “It’s okay.  The doctor said it could take a bit, Pearl.  You just got rid of the worst of the infection a few days ago, so we can’t expect you to suddenly have control.  More than that, the psychologist says that given the years you’d been hurt emotionally, we can expect you to still have difficulties even after the sickness, remember?”             “Yeah.  I know.  I just… It’s that everyone always expected me to grow up, and I couldn’t fast enough.  And I really don’t want to disappoint you.”             “I’m not disappointed at all, Pearl.  There are a lot of different ways to show you are mature, and you finished all your homework yesterday, didn’t you?”             “Yes sir?”             “And you are even tutoring a classmate, right?  For a few extra dollars of spending money?”             “Yeah.  Oh, also, Mrs. Bennett said last night she could pay me double, I won’t only be working one hour more than before what she offered.”             “And you are feeling guilty?”             “Kind of….  What if I need to take a break and use the toilet, and then I’ll be getting paid too much.”             Darren sighed.  “I’m sure she knows what she’s paying for, but before any real agreements are made for payment, we can talk about your concerns and make sure of your expectations.  Maybe after you tutor the boy.”             “Okay.”             “Go ahead and clean up for church.  The bathroom is yours, and if you need, just come and get me.  I can take you to clean up if you really need, but you should try on your own.”             I reached my arms up, stretching as I sat up, and Darren walked off away from my door.  “I’m making breakfast.  Don’t take too long.” Darren’s voice carried quietly and peacefully through the little trailer we lived in.  It was small, and my bed was simple, but I was really happy here.  I didn’t care about a big bed or anything fancy. Pushing the blankets back, I saw the puddle in the bed was still wet enough to have some liquid on the top.  My panties were soaked and my sleeping shirt was sticky and wet.             I walked into the hall and at the end, peaked around the corner to the kitchen, not really ready to take a bath completely by myself yet.  I knew I was supposed to be able to do it, but so many times, either not being allowed, being punished for doing it, being told I did it wrong, being watched by people I didn’t feel comfortable watching, and just everything… flooded me as I walked in front of the bathroom.  It was still too soon.  What if I messed up and didn’t get clean enough?  I needed Darren.             “Come around the corner, Pearl.  I know you’re there.”             “How?”             “I don’t hear the shower running, sweetheart.”             I blushed as turned and faced him.  “It’s still… just… too scary to do on my own,” I frowned.             “Your doctors and counselor said it might take a while, honey.”             “Aren’t you disappointed that I’ve already been here six months, and I still can’t do everything you tell me to do?”             He smiled and waved me over to him.  Of course I ran right over into his arms.             “You do everything I tell you do,” he whispered.  “Even when I don’t use my mouth.  You are still finding the responsibility of taking a bath on your overwhelming is all.”             I looked down.  “Yeah.  What’s wrong wrong with me?”             “Nothing,” Darren rubbed my back between my shoulders.  “You’re still just adjusting, sweetheart.  Some kinds of hurt takes longer to heal from, and they say emotional and psychic hurt is a lot harder to pick up from than physical abuse, sometimes.”             “But you don’t really believe that, do you?”             “Of course I do.  Just like I argued with CPS about a then thirteen year old kid wanting to piss her pants for attention.  You know, when I first got you?  I know it’s hard.  That’s why I’m here.  I don’t have all the answers, but I am someone willing to listen to what you are feeling, and I have been listening.  That’s why I know you are still overwhelmed.  When you are ready, you’ll let me know.”             I hugged him tighter.             “Go sit at the table.  The oatmeal is almost done, and then we’ll get you a bath.”             I stayed with the car until Darren walked me in to church, holding my hand, almost like I was three years old, but it was safer to stay with Darren.  If any of the church teens saw me, well, some of them were nice, but some of them were from school, and they… well, they didn’t understand a fourteen year old girl needing to wear a pull up at church to keep the church seats respectable and a fourteen year old girl being unable to be too far from her… well fosterdad unless it was youth time.  Even then, I got really nervous.             As Darren paused at the church doors while other people were greeting the pastor and people were visiting, I could see some of the teens starting to talk, and I looked down at the floor.  I was supposed to help Shane, but he still didn’t understand yesterday’s math completely, and we barely did much of his other homework, so I was sure they all could see it somehow, that I had failed at something else.             “Mom!  It’s Pearl!” Michelle, a girl with dark straight hair and blue eyes pointed at me.  “I’m going to go say hi.”             I looked at the ground, but Darren placed a hand on my shoulder.  “All you have to say, is ‘hi.’  Anything else, you can be as natural and slow as you want.”             I nodded.             “Hey, so um… you drew the short straw, you know.”             I blinked up at Michelle.  “Hi,” I whispered barely loud enough for anyone to hear.             “What was that?” Michelle frowned.  “Hey, don’t be scared if you can’t get him to read or do math right.  He’s had trouble reading since third grade, and his math… I swear, he only first started to get subtraction in like fifth grade.”             “I’m sorry, but we are at church.  Do we have to talk about that?” I asked.             “What?  I’m not being mean,” Michelle frowned and crossed her arms.             “Um… you kind of are,” I whispered even softer than I said hi.             Michelle shrugged.  “Well, anyway, good luck getting him to pass eighth grade.  I heard the teachers said that if he fails this time, they really have to hold him back because of the way high school works.”             “Well, he might surprise everyone and start getting math a little better this year, and maybe even read a little more, even if it’s still a struggle.”             “Are you saying you know how to do what no one else could?”             I pulled at Darren’s arm.             “Let’s go in,” he whispered to me.  I wasn’t sure if he heard Michelle or not, but I didn’t like talking about Shane like he was a failure.  I didn’t think he was a failure at all.  He just… sort of needed a little help.             After the main lesson where we read in the book of Ephesians, and a couple of people were invited to talk about the ways they uplifted brothers in the week, I saw that some of the youth started to stand, to get ready to go to class.             “Can I stay with you?” I asked Darren.             “I’m sorry, but you do need to get used to being with people your age,” he whispered to me.  “Just try.  If it gets too hard, you can always slip out and come down.  I’m not changing seats, so it will be easy to find me.”             “Okay,” I said through a heavy breath.             “Hey, you’ve got this, sweetheart.  Just stay near the people that are most helpful, okay?  And I’m sure Shane will be very happy to see you there because he knows you don’t mind sharing your Bible with him and helping him out when he needs it.”             “Yeah.  I guess so.”             I got up and with a sigh looked around so I could avoid Michelle and her friends because they weren’t exactly the nicest. Somehow, Shane and his mother had snuck up in that time and were right there, and I came eye to eye with Shane.             “Hey, would you sit with Shane today?” Mrs. Bennett asked me.  “He says you’re the only one that won’t make fun of him because the Sunday school teacher can’t call on him to read.”             “Actually, Pearl was sort of worried about who to sit next to, weren’t you, sweetheart?” Darren spoke up for me.              “Don’t worry about Scott and his lackeys,” Shane reached out and put a hand on my arm.  “They’re just jealous of you because the tutoring presidency wouldn’t let them join as tutors because either they don’t know what they are doing, or because they are too mean to tutor.”             I looked down.  “Michelle and her group are meaner.”             “I thought Michelle was nice to you.”             “She’s… sneaky about it.  At first, I thought she was nice, and I chose to hang out with her at school.  Now, I hang out with her at school because if I don’t, I’m afraid of what she’ll do.”             “Well, I know a couple of other kids that need tutoring and feel awkward being in there.  If we all sit around you, then neither Scott nor Michelle can sit next to you, right?”             “Do the others… really… you know, know about me?”             “What?” Shane frowned.  “There’s nothing wrong with you.”             I looked down my face getting red.  “Yes, Shane, there is.  I’m not even that uncultured, that I can’t tell that I don’t belong.”             He put an arm around me.  “At church, everyone belongs.  People that act like you don’t, are going to find it harder to talk to God, I mean for real.”             I shook my head.  “I don’t expect that God likes me getting his house seats wet all the time.”             “God’s a spirit,” Shane told me.  “Well, he’s more than a spirit, but the point is, he isn’t bothered by physical things because he doesn’t need them.  He’s more concerned about your heart.  You know…. Even if someone else would have touched my reading problems with a ten foot pole, I consider myself lucky to be tutored by you.”             “You do?  Didn’t I embarrass you yesterday at the library?”             “No.  What was embarrassing was how bad I am at math and reading.  I mean, the whole reason we spent all that time on math is because I’m the worst at math, and I know my reading is like ten times worse.  You… you are kind about it.”             “Darren says everyone has their own struggles.  He tells me all the time that we only see our own and think we are the worst, but he told me that a lot of people are embarrassed by their weaknesses, so if they can hide them, they do.  That’s why we don’t see them.”             “Your foster dad seems pretty smart,” Darren frowned.  “I used to act up at school and find any excuse not to answer when called on or even try to get in trouble so I didn’t have to be in class.  I’d rather be known as a troublemaker than stupid.”             “But…, only, you’re not stupid,” I told him.  “Sure, you have struggles in reading and math, and in today’s culture, you need those things to make it easy, but you are smart in other ways.”             I didn’t realize it, but we were walking as we talked, and more than that, what really surprised me, was that we were holding hands when we went into the youth room.             “Well, look what we have here,” A red head boy with too many freckles and green eyes called out.  I suppose with the large head he physically had, it may have been hard for him to keep his enormous mouth shut.  “Tarzan meets…,” it seemed he had to think a moment before he just said “…dirty wolf girl!”             “Scott,” the youth leader, Mr. Kendall said in a tone that sounded like the kind of near shout-whisper you’d use to chastise someone for breaking a taboo.  “Go find your parents.  We are not going to invite that kind of spirit into the lesson today.”             “Whatever,” the thick boy lumbered off with a frown pushing past us, hitting Shane hard in the shoulder, I think as he passed.             “Take a seat ladies and gentlemen,” Mr. Kendall smiled at us all.  “It’d like to direct your attention to one of the classic stories within Jesus’s life.  It was a parable that has probably been told so many times that each of you are probably groaning on the inside as if I just said you were getting homework today.”             Eyes were all trained on him for the moment.  He always started the lesson with building it up somehow, but this one, it seemed like he wanted us to think we knew the story well, and that it was so well known, it’d be like being assigned to read a book we had read maybe in kindergarten.             “There was a man that we you recognized from church, lying on the road outside the mall.  Now, this man was bruised, and sitting broken on the curb.  His head seemed to be bleeding.  What role would you take?”             I listened intently as Mr. Kendall taught this story.  One of the things he was good at, was bringing the stories to life for us in a way we could connect to them before he referenced the story he got our life story from.  He made us connect our life to the lives of those stories in the Bible, and yes, some of them are stories, called parables.  That’s what Jesus taught in.             “So, imagine you were the youth tutor group leader, not specifically Kate Parks, a kind young woman that sees a struggle and doesn’t let it go unanswered, but actually maybe you, only, you know that man.  He is always slowing things down at church, and you were not really his friend.  So whatever is in his life, it wasn’t your concern, so you went on into the store with your gaggle of friends to do what you came for….”             I closed my legs together and scooted uncomfortably in my seat.  I felt more like the beat up man.             “Second, an atheist walked by, only he went to our high school.  The thing is, he didn’t see any reason to help the man.  The man was walking, after all.  The man could call someone if he wanted.”             I felt my left eyebrow disappear into my hair as I looked up a little stunned at the choice of the second person he chose to pass by this poor beat up person.  I shifted even more, and tightened my legs even further, almost straining so that the muscles under my thighs and on the backs of my calves ached in their labors.             “And then third, a bearded man from one of those Islamic tribes in the Middle East happened upon him, and he sat by him and gave him water.  He asked him how he came to be in this place in his life.  And eventually, he helped the man up to take him into the mall to find someone that could call for help for him.”             I frowned.  I thought all the adults on television were saying that we shouldn’t trust them because they were killers, but other college kids were saying that they were people, too, and they were getting in trouble for defending them.             “Now, let me read to you the parable that Jesus told his disciple when Jesus was asked, ‘who is my neighbor?’”             We took turns reading from the passage in the Bible, and then Mr. Kendall didn’t tell us anything.  He only said “Now, I want you, you, and you to talk about this in a group.”  He broke us into groups, not among our friends, but took a person from one side of the room, from the other side of the room, and one from the middle of the room.             I sat looking down at the floor, my legs tense, my arms stiff, my heart felt as though it froze on one last beat before something bad was about to happen.  The other people he chose for me to sit with were Amanda from high school, and Linda, who was still in fifth grade.  Did they hear yet, that I was the kid that messes up the seats in church?             “Why do you look so scared?” Amanda asked me.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”             “She’s the one my brother says that he goes to school with,” Linda frowned.  “The one that pees her pants during lessons.”             Amanda gave Linda a small frown.  “Well, let’s discuss that, then.  Think about it.  Do you think Jesus would want you to ignore her, make fun of her, or help her if you saw her in trouble?  What if you saw her sitting on the street in soaked pants and crying.  Would you leave her like that?”             Linda frowned and looked down.             “I can’t… I can’t say anything because I… I have no right to judge when I feel like the one that would need help.”             Amanda frowned at me, too.  “You think you have nothing to offer?  Do you know the parable about the grape vineyard owner?”             I shrugged, pushing my hands down into my lap.             “I know you know it,” Amanda whispered.  “You have your own talents, and you are entrusted to use what you have to make it mean something.”             Amanda retold the story about how a vineyard master gave one person ten talents, one five talents, and one, only one talent.  The one with only one talent had been the only one to come back with more than he was given.             “What’s the point of that, and how is it related?” Linda asked as she eyed me cautiously.             I shrugged.             “The parables are connected,” Amanda smiled at us.  “…because they are both talking about Jesus’s ministry and what he would have us do.  He doesn’t expect us to get everything perfect a hundred percent of the time.  In fact, he asks that we pray to him for help because on our own, we are clueless.  We know in our hearts what is true, but explaining that truth isn’t always easy.  We need God’s help.  However, he gives us all something that we can use.”             Linda frowned.  “Well, it seems like he gave some of us less to work with than others.”             “If you examine the story I just told you though, and knowing he is the divine all knowing father, I’d say he gave the man one talent because he believed in him more, as where he gave the man ten, the one that he figured would need more help.”             I narrowed my eyes.  “I never heard anyone say anything like that.”             “Well, before this year, when was the last time someone you heard try to bring the parables in the Bible to a meaningful story we can connect with today?  Doesn’t Mr. Kendall have a talent for helping us see the relevance of the Bible in today’s modern world?”             I nodded.  That was certainly true, and as I looked at Linda, she looked down and mumbled.  “Yeah.”             “I don’t feel stronger,” I told Amanda.  “I mean, if that’s what you are trying to say.  No one would really take a person like me serious.”             “Why not?” she put her hands on her hips.             “Because what Linda has heard is right.  I peed my pants at school… like all the time.”             “So?  Did you know that being scared and having a harder time is not always a bad thing?”             “I have to use the restroom,” I stood up to walk out not wanting to hear anymore.  I didn’t know why, but I felt like crying.  And as I took a few steps towards the door, I felt the warm sticky flood pouring into my diaper, and I froze breathing heavy and tears running down my face.             “Excuse me,” I heard someone behind me before I noticed my arm was taken, and I was guided, not roughly, but with gentle hands back where Darren was sitting.             “I think she just peed her pants,” Shane’s voice was soft and concerned.  “I didn’t take her here because of that though, but because she seemed like she was panicking and I thought if anyone knew how to calm her, it would be her dad.”             “Thank you,” Darren whispered.  “You are free to sit with us, if you like.  I don’t think you’ll get up to the youth lesson before it ends.” Chapter Four             Darren held me in his lap and rocked me until the end of the current lesson.  He kept rocking me as some people came over to talk to him.             “Still struggling?” a woman asked.             “Yeah, she’s still struggling a little bit.  I guess she’s had some people say things in youth group, and it got too overwhelming for her.  She’ll be okay once she’s had a chance to relax and process it all.”             “I’ll pray for you and for her,” the woman said shaking his hand.             Shane had a hand on my knee, and he whispered in to me.  “It’s not the end of the world.  People are just… you know, people.  There is always going to be a Scott around looking for faults in you even if you beat one.  People like that are just jealous.”             I peeked over at him, my face mostly hidden in Darren’s chest.             Eventually, the pastor made his way over to us, and he sat down just after Shane’s mom took him promising to take him by our place this afternoon.             “Mr. Kendall told me that Pearl had a more stressful day today than in the last month in youth services.  Is there anything going on at home?”             “No, I don’t think it has to do with that.  I think she’s just overwhelmed today.”             “You know, my offer still stands.  She’s not the only youth in with the primary kids to protect them from the judgment of those that don’t understand them.”             “I know you mean well, but I think it’s best for her to learn to work with her peers.  Besides, she’s starting to make some friends, aren’t you Pearl?” Darren turned me so I could look at the pastor more directly.             Tears still shined in my eyes and my face felt wet.  “Shane’s nice.”             “One of your other peers told me that you peed on the floor in the youth room?” he asked.  “Are you sure you are okay?”             “I… I didn’t think it went on the floor,” I looked back at Darren.             “I think her classmate might have exaggerated or something.  Her skirt doesn’t feel wet at all.”             “Alright.  Well, if you decide that Primary is a better fit at any time, just come and let the leadership know.  We have two high school students in there, actually.”             “Pastor?  Isn’t Linda a Primary age?” I whispered.             “Well, she doesn’t get along well in there, but she’s shown enough maturity to handle being in the youth group, so we moved her there.”             “Oh.  I was just wondering because she’s younger than everyone.”             “Well, I should go talk to some other people.  Scott might need to be pulled out of the youth and primary program altogether, though that’s not because of… well, never mind.  Just know that next week, he won’t be bothering people in the youth group.”             “Can we just go?” I asked Darren.             “Honey, I’m staying right here because right now, the door is crowded, and I don’t want to add more pressure for you to be seen or maybe feel the need to talk.  We’ll go when the door is less crowded.”             “Okay.” Later…             We were home by two, and Darren put me in his lap and we watched television after he had changed me into regular panties for a while.             By the time Shane came over at four, I was feeling better….             “It’s time to go put a pull up on, honey.  He’ll be knocking at any minute.”             “Darren?”             “Yes, sweetheart?”             “I… kind of peed my pants.”             “It’s okay.  You’ve had a stressful morning, sweetheart.  Can you go to the bathroom and clean up?”             I looked up at him like, ‘really?’             “Oh, sweetheart.  Okay, well, let’s…,” but that’s when there was a knock at the door.             “Of course the knock comes now,” Darren frowned.  “Why can’t anything be easy for you?” he patted my wet butt.  “Sweetheart, just go stand in the hall for a minute.  I’ll take care of you after I let Shane in.”             As we settled down and Shane opened his math book, I smiled and took out a couple of practice problems I made to make sure he understood that 1xsquared with the end number being some value was the same idea of some valueXsquared and there being a +1 at the end.             He did remember, once we did the first problem together.  So it went pretty quickly when we built on that, and we were able to stop math ten minutes early to go into reading for forty minutes, and the we continued where we left off for History the night before so he could turn that homework in.             While we were working on History, nearly an hour and fifty minutes into the tutoring, Shane looked at me and towards my legs.             “What?”             “Don’t you want to… you know?”             I shrugged.  “It’s just ten more minutes.  I’m fine.”             “Okay, but I thought your stepdad didn’t want you… you know…?”  He seemed shy about calling it out.             “It’s alright.  I’m already ahead of you.  Just, look at the next question, please.”             Just before we finished the last question, there was a knock at the door and Shane’s mother, father, and a younger brother came in.             “That’s Phil,” Darren told me Shane’s dad’s name.  “But call him Mr. Bennett when you talk to him.”             “Yes sir,” I nodded.             Phil stepped forward and shook Darren’s hand.  “So it seems that Shane thinks he’s found someone that can teach him how quadratic formulas work.”             “Yeah, I’ve been listening to her explain it to him,” Darren told this guy.  “She’s actually pretty clever.  I don’t remember any teachers explaining it the way she does.”             “So, my wife said that we can pay you double for it taking two days.  I don’t mind that at all, but do you think she could help a couple of younger kids, with reading?”             “That one of the brothers she’d need to help?”             “Nah.  I always bring him with us when both of us go out because he’s the wild one.  We have a girl and a boy at home that could use a little help in reading.”             “I don’t know.  Surely your wife has already told you the struggles she’s seen, and two days a week working with Shane might be hard enough for her.”             “I understand.  How has she been adapting at your house?”             “Not bad,” Darren frowned.  “She still has some issues that come up and we have to work through them, but she’s been happier here lately than I’ve seen her in a long time.”             I walked over and sat in Darren’s lap.  “Darren?  Can I sit here?  I….”             “Feeling a little nervous?”             I nodded.             He put a hand around my shoulders.  “People still make her nervous.  So can I get you all some milk, juice, water, coffee, or tea?” Darren asked.             I more sat on Darren’s lap so he’d know my diaper was wet without having to tell everyone I had one on and that I… hadn’t used the toilet, so I wasn’t that upset when he had to move to get drinks for everyone.             “Pearl, honey, don’t you want to change out of those stiff clothes?  You’re done tutoring for now, so you don’t have to look profession,” Darren gave me a knowing look.             “Some of the other people are talking about yours foster kid,” Phil told Darren.             “Well, I’m pretty sure sharing gossip about something that’s none of their business isn’t the best way to spend a Sunday,” Darren frowned.  “So, are you here to tell me something?”             He sighed.  “I just wanted you to know that some of the other young people are not exactly playing nice with her.  I figured you’d want to know so you don’t send her in among the wolves.”             “So…, you’re not here trying to tell me to send her back?  I’ve already told the last three people that talked to me about her being a problem at school that it’s not their business who I invite into my home, and that she’s my child now, whether they like it or not.”             “God, no, I’m not asking you to send her back.  Wherever she had come from, that would be a terrible place to put anyone.  I just don’t want you to be blindsided by the teenage drama coming your way because people are… less than supportive of her problems.”             Darren sighed.  “I’m kind of used to having to explain things to the school when she has trouble there.  Apparently, just last month, they got a hold of an old school record that says she fights, and I had to remind them that since she started school there, she hasn’t been in any fights at all.”             “Well, I noticed that she hangs out with Michelle Quaile,” this phil said.  “Rather, my son, Shane noticed, and he asked me to talk to you about it because he didn’t know how to talk to tell Pearl that she shouldn’t.”             “What’s wrong with Michelle?”             “Well, my daughter, who is four years younger than these teens to start with, had been invited to Michelle’s house.  It took about two months for me to figure out that my own daughter was doing things just so Michelle would like her, but the things she was doing wasn’t nice at all.”             “Dad!” Shane moaned.  “I told you, Rachelle wasn’t just doing it because she wanted Michelle to like her.  Michelle told her that if she didn’t, Michelle would tell the whole school….”             My face blushed.  “…tell the whole school… what?  If she’s four years younger, she’s not even in middle school.  Michelle couldn’t affect her, could she?”             Shane looked down with tears in his eyes.  “Yes, she can.  She’s done it ever since Rachelle had declined a birthday sleep over because dad said she couldn’t do it on a school night.”             “What did Michelle tell the school that Rachelle does?”             “She didn’t just tell, she had pictures of the sheets on her bed.  There were pictures of Rachelle’s bed everywhere at school, and I know it was Michelle because she’s the only one that threatened Rachelle.”             I didn’t know that Michelle actually did that.  Why didn’t you tell me?”             “Michelle threatened Rachelle that she’d make it seem worse if her if it got back to her parents that she had anything to do with Rachelle’s school finding out about any of her secrets.”             “You realize, Rachelle is in a trap right now because she thinks there is nothing that can be done?” Phil didn’t look too happy.  “You should of told us.  You know your mother wouldn’t stand for that.”             I looked down.             “Pearl?  Did Michelle tell you that anything bad might happen if I stopped you hanging out with her, and maybe you neglected to tell me she’s doing the same thing to you?”             “I… I mean… she doesn’t have me stealing or doing anything that bad,” I whispered.             “Does she make you do things at school that you don’t want to do, and is she using any of your personal problems or embarrassing difficulties to control you?”             I looked down and felt tears on my face.             “Honey, you need to learn to trust me.  I know it’s hard, but I can’t help you if you keep things like this to yourself.  I understand.  You are afraid if she gets in any trouble at all, that it’s going to come back to you.  But I’m worried about the kinds of things she’s making you do to yourself in exchange for not making it worse.”             “Anyway, just thought you should know.  You might want to keep tabs on who her friends are for a while.  She’s a little vulnerable to things that kids like Michelle does.”             “Yeah, you are right.”             “I’m sorry, Pearl, I had to tell.  I saw you raise your hand yesterday, and then Michelle whispered something to you, and you put your hand down in class on Thursday.  After that, you weren’t looking happy all day.”             I shuddered.  He was right, I didn’t have a good day on Thursday at all.  First, Michelle had been sitting on something since a month ago, and I was even more scared of everyone knowing than that I pee my pants sometimes when I get scared to ask or when I wait too long and can’t hold it.  I pooped my pants last month, and I don’t know how I got away with it, but not even Darren knew.  I knew I didn’t want him to know about that.             “Oh, um… about that.  Michelle just said that she found out I stole something at my last school, and she was going to report me to the whole church if I… didn’t do her homework for her.”             Shane looked at me for a minute, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was shaking when I told him, or if it was because Michelle didn’t normally have trouble turning in her homework, or what it was, but I was sure he didn’t believe me.  I just looked down.  If I wasn’t going to tell Darren I pooped my pants last month, I certainly wasn’t going to tell Shane, even if I did like him, kind of.             “Well, this is my brother, Ryan.  You’ve probably seen him around at school.  He’s a year behind us.”             I smiled at this boy that looked a little more blond, but there were definitely things about his face that suggested they were brothers.             “Hey, Pearl.  I don’t know who this Michelle person is, but if you have any trouble with her again, just point me in the right direction.  She’s gotta have a brother or a cousin that I can lay on, that might control her.”             “Ryan…,” Shane seemed like he thought Ryan was talking nonsense.  “Look, Pearl has enough trouble without you making more.  So why don’t you start by just getting to know my friend, first.”             “Your friend’s butt is kind of wet,” he pointed between my legs and I felt the back of my butt.  He was right.             “Ryan!  Does that really matter?”             “Sure, it does.  She probably doesn’t want to play while she feels dirty.  We could, you know, wait out in the living room while she cleans up, and then we can all maybe play a game or something.”             I started to feel tears in my eyes at first, when he pointed out I peed, only he wasn’t laughing at me.  He was telling Shane that I needed to be cleaned up so we could play.             “Um…, I… it’s okay.  I… I do it all the time.  Darren knows I’m wet.  He… he’s letting me not change because…. Um… I don’t want to.”             Shane whispered something to Ryan and Ryan held up the okay symbol.             “Well, do you know how to play pitch?” Ryan asked.             “Pitch?” blinked at him not having ever heard of that before.  Unless…. “Um… do you mean catch?”             “No.  It’s not a ball game, but a card game,” Ryan smiled.  “I love card games.”             “I haven’t heard of it.”             “Shane, since she’s teaching you math, why don’t you teach her the card game.  We’ll have a dummy hand this time around so you can sit with her and teach her how to bid and stuff.  She IS your girlfriend.”             “I mean… I don’t think either of us have said anything like that,” Shane told his brother.             “Well, whether you two know it or not, you have eyes for each other, and besides, the rumors are already everywhere at school.  Some rude people call you Tarzan and the Smelly Wolf.”             I looked down.  “Maybe we shouldn’t hang out at school.”             “What are you talking about?” I asked Michelle.             “Well, they are making fun of you because you are talking to me.  I’ve never had a friend at school before because….”             Shane stared right into my eyes, looking angry, and the way he looked, made me stop.             “Pearl.  Kids like Scott have been calling me names since at least the third grade.  I can care less what apes like him say.  You didn’t do anything to get kids to pick on me, and I like hanging out with you.  You can’t let people control who you hang out with.  When you do, you give them permission to hurt you.”             I frowned.             “I know, by the way, you know….”             “Know what?” I demanded of Shane.             “That you pooped your pants two weeks ago,” Ryan was too blunt.             “How do you know about…?”             Shane gave Ryan a dirty look.  “You don’t have to say it like that.  I told you, she has trouble in class.  It’s like she expects someone to hit her all the time.  She didn’t just do it.”             “I didn’t say that, did I?” Ryan demanded.  “But she should know that you knew because we watched it happen.  You may have been right about not going up at that moment because she might have taken it wrong, but she should know that you are not bothered by it.”             I felt my face burn and I saw Shane’s face rise a few degrees, too.             “Why was it important to tell her at this exact moment?” Shane demanded.             “Because she’s scared.  Scared you found out she just peed herself and scared you’ll think she’s… not… well, something’s wrong with her.  Something you don’t want anything to do with.”             “Well, you know darned well, that I told you that it didn’t matter when we saw and slapped you for watching her do it.”             “That’s what she needs to know, though, Shane.  She needs to know that you care about her feelings!”             I… I felt something in my chest pull tight.  This guy totally yelled at and slapped his brother, and it wasn’t his brother’s fault.  I mean, I thought… no one at school was even around when it happened, but I must have missed them.             “You… you really don’t… don’t think I’m a freak for not… um… controlling… that?” I whispered, my face even hotter, and my throat barely working.             “Oh, Shane doesn’t not only think you are not a freak,” Ryan was too quick to say things for him.  “You’ll forgive him, but Shane doesn’t exactly now how to talk to a girl.  He’s… socially awkward.  Honestly, Tarzan does fit him.”             “Shut up,” Shane said kind of low but not exactly denying that his brother was right.             “Don’t call him Tarzan,” I frowned.  “             “It’s okay,” Shane put a hand on my back.  “Ryan isn’t exactly like Scott.  He knows me, and in some ways, he’s not exactly wrong.  But he knows how far to go, too.  He’s not exactly mean.”             “S…,” Ryan started as a joke and got a glare from me before he said the full thing.  “Sweet Pearl!  You are perfect for my brother, and not because of what the school says.  You are the first one in year not to make him feel stupid just because he doesn’t like math or reading.”             “Oh, um…,” I blushed and kicked at the floor with my foot.  “I mean.  We all have trouble with something.”             “Except me,” Ryan laughed.  “No one can even touch this… oh-oh!  You can’t touch this!”             Shane laughed, and then I laughed.  It was kind of a funny thing to do.             “Seriously, though, Pearl,” Ryan whispered.  “I know it hurts your feelings, but you should change your pants.  Our sister’s doctor told mom and dad not to be harsh with her, and that if she gets scared of peeing, she could get an infection that could kill her.  You shouldn’t hold it, and you shouldn’t wear wet pants for too long, right Shane?”             “Um… Ryan’s not wrong about that.  We honestly don’t mind waiting for you.  Neither of us will say anything, even if you need your stepdad to help.”             I looked at Ryan trying to carefully gage him, but he didn’t even flinch.  Instead, he went right into the room where the adults were talking.  “Mr. Hunt?  Pearl’s peed her pants and needs help.”             “Um… she’s…,” he seemed flustered.             I walked over to Darren, and I looked up at him after taking a deep sigh.  “I accidentally peed.  Can… can you help?”             Phil looked at Darren like he was crazy, but Mrs. Bennet, Karen, smiled.  “Your dad will help you, honey.  It’s okay.  We don’t have to go just because you need help.”             “Oh, um… of course we don’t,” Phil frowned and waved at us.  “Shane, Ryan, sit in here.  The last thing the girl needs is an audience while someone helps her.”

That's just asking for trouble! 😁

Congratulations on never being able to stop now! And never pull a tigers tail if your only protection is plastic backed. 🤣 They say it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission but moments like this can be a great way to open up a little if you can. You've both been dealing with it on your own it seems and maybe now that you're seen as definitely in diapers forever and she's 'made her peace with it' there's an opportunity to be more open about things and how you feel it's made your life better. Just don't mention the appliances! 🤫 But hey, happy locked into the diaper life day!