Getting Surgery in Mexico

[Diapered Dave]

Go to Amazon and search "men incontinence underwear."

They have several different kinds and brands of washable, re-useable incontinence underwear that look like regular men's underwear...  Meant for light leakage. They would get you home, and you can just wash it like regular clothes.

[Reddy]

Just now, Diapered Dave said:

Go to Amazon and search "men incontinence underwear."

They have several different kinds and brands of washable, re-useable incontinence underwear that look like regular men's underwear...  Meant for light leakage. They would get you home, and you can just wash it like regular clothes.

OK I am gonna look at those.  If they can hold enough that would be great.  I had some that didn't hold much and just got all wet but maybe there are better ones.

[Diaps4me]

So I finally joined so I could comment. Reddy, I have followed your journey from the start.

i have been medically incontinent for 5 years. Before that I was a life long DL. I go to the gym regularly. I just shower at home. I usually wear goodnites at the gym. Pro tip. If you have a sauna at the gym, use it after your work out. Not only are there amazing health benefits, it heats you up so your body retains water. I can drink a liter of water while working out and not pee for 2 hours. (In this case you can get by with a reusable boxer brief because you won’t produce the urine)
I have to say, I am not completely urinary incontinent. Knowing full is a possibility, I’ll have the money shortly to pay cash, I am telling myself all the reasons not to. But I really want it! why couldn’t a simple sphincterotomy work?

I enjoyed following your journey.

[superabsorbantpolymer]

6 hours ago, Reddy said:

That makes sense, and I have thought about that.  The reason I don't do that is I normally go to bed as soon as I get home from the gym, or not long after.  So I am used to putting on a diaper that will last me all evening, all night and the morning until I shower for work.

I don't have any pull ups right now either because they generally don't work for me for other reasons (can't change away from home easily, leak too much).

Well, maybe it would work because I don't wet over night really.  I just don't want to start a pullup and then have to change again and waste one.  But it could potentially work sometimes.

Yeah the first diaper is not a problem because I keep it on for the whole workout and just take it off before I shower.  It's the putting on of the diaper after the shower that I need two hands for.

 

You mentioned how you leak with pull ups, how much have you worn them post surgery? I imagine now that you are always leaking small amounts it would hold up better than pre surgery when you had a larger volume expelled at once. Do they always leak?

[Reddy]

5 hours ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

You mentioned how you leak with pull ups, how much have you worn them post surgery? I imagine now that you are always leaking small amounts it would hold up better than pre surgery when you had a larger volume expelled at once. Do they always leak?

Yes, so far in my experience pull ups have always leaked.  I never tried them before the surgery I only tried them after the surgery.  But the problem is after being in it for hours.

5 hours ago, superabsorbantpolymer said:

You mentioned how you leak with pull ups, how much have you worn them post surgery? I imagine now that you are always leaking small amounts it would hold up better than pre surgery when you had a larger volume expelled at once. Do they always leak?

Yes, so far in my experience pull ups have always leaked.  I never tried them before the surgery I only tried them after the surgery.  But the problem is after being in it for hours.

[oznl]

On 9/24/2024 at 8:40 AM, Reddy said:

 But I had two recent pooping accidents in my diaper.  When I couldn't get home fast enough and one time I pooped before I got to my apartment and the 2nd time I pooped when I was still driving home. 

As @Little Sherri has already mentioned, there is increasing evidence that the atrophy caused by a disused urinary control system has some faint contagion to the adjacent department around physiological corner.

When all things are normal, I have reasonable control however nowadays, if things are abnormal, my control is marginal and has, on what I'm disturbed to report is an increasing number of occasions, failed me.  Observe this week's update: another full nappy that I really didn't want.

I've thought before that there was some subconscious talk-track going on in my head that said "Go on! You're in a nappy anyway.  You know you want to."

I certainly did NOT want to do that with my beloved at the breakfast table.  Not in ANY scenario.

And yet it happened.  I've no idea if this is a trend or just a new aberrant behaviour but I'm pretty sure that before the whole strange days thing, I'd NEVER had accidents of this nature and now I do.  I hope that they remain occasional and require unusual provocation before they occur but let's face it, I can't know that.

You may yet be able to save yourself a fortune and the risk of additional surgery.  Just wait a while and see what happens.  There's loads of data points or, data points of loads 🤣

[rh1979]

For high quality reusables, Carer (https://carerspk.com/) has several very good options, and most don't require plastic pants. Some look like regular boxers or even tighty whiteys!

[superabsorbantpolymer]

9 hours ago, Reddy said:

Yes, so far in my experience pull ups have always leaked.  I never tried them before the surgery I only tried them after the surgery.  But the problem is after being in it for hours.

I remember you mentioning how you used them after the first surgery (when you had the stricture which would cause a larger buildup). Have you used them since the 2nd surgery, now that you have more smaller leakage? In my opinion they seem like the perfect solution to a quick, discreet changing option for the short amount of time after the gym and before putting on a night diaper. Even the crappiest pull up is more reliable than the reusable underwear in my opinion. 

You mentioned how your jeans often get wet, is that during changes you pee onto them, or are your diapers leaking? What products are you using/how often do you change? 

I was curious about the sling surgery, apparently it's only recommended for people with mild/moderate stress incontinence. You have severe incontinence (almost of your pee goes into diapers), so it's unlikely that a sling surgery would fix your problem, although it may reduce how incontinent you are. You would probably be a better candidate for an artificial urinary sphincter (more effective for severe incontinence). 

Did the urologist do a cystoscopy/is he aware that you don't have an external urinary sphincter anymore? 

 

[ryan87]

Maybe this could be a solution. I surf several days a week and change in and out of my wetsuit at the beach, and into a diaper before driving home. They make a towel that is sewn like a poncho meant for changing underneath, and gives you almost complete privacy. You could throw one of these on at your locker, take it off to shower, put it back on, walk back to your locker while drying off (they are awesome for drying your whole body at once), and put the new diaper on underneath.

[Diapered Dave]

On 9/28/2024 at 3:09 PM, wetguy13579 said:

Another really interesting moment was when I was at my urologist, wearing a wet pull up. I had to get undressed and take the pull up off, while dripping everywhere as usual. They asked if I have a new one to change into. It didn’t feel weird, it actually felt very natural to acknowledge it with a medical professional. There was no judging or anything, it was just them looking out for me and acknowledging the fact that I should probably change.

Thanks for the informative update! As 1 of the 3 guys here who have had the surgery, it's interesting to hear how your experiences compare to Reddy's and BrownBobby's.

You mentioned your visit to your urologist... Does the urologist know about the surgery in Mexico? Is the doctor trying to correct your incontinence? I've thought about the surgery myself, but I always wonder how my regular doctor would react to my sudden incontinence, what questions would come up. On the other hand, I'm now in the age range where men start having prostate issues, which often requires surgery that sometimes results in incontinence, so I might end up there anyway...  🙄🤨

[superabsorbantpolymer]

On 9/28/2024 at 12:09 PM, wetguy13579 said:

A few people have asked for updates from me too, so I thought I’d give one.

I’m still very much incontinent. I have had one stricture treatment since my surgery last December and so far I don’t have a need to have another treatment. Considering it’s been 10 months or so since the surgery, I assume that it has settled down and the stricture won’t expand any more.

I’m quite used to the incontinence by now. When standing, my bladder will empty automatically, although simply using gravity and not movement it will take a bit longer. While walking, it empties extremely fast and my bladder essentially loses all the urine as soon as it’s in there. 

When sitting in a chair for long periods, my bladder will fill moderately and then empty suddenly with no real warning, even if I’m not moving. I love the feeling of this - I’ll be focusing on something on my computer and not paying attention to my body, and then all the sudden warm pee starts flowing rapidly all over my balls, and it can be flowing for a surprisingly long time. If I sit back or lean forward in my chair, I will have big gushes too.

I have had a few nights where I was drinking a lot of alcohol, and then would wake up with a wet bed and flooded pull-up. So I can wet the bed, but only if I have way too much liquid in me. Usually if I’m on my back or side, I won’t leak much, although if I sit up or twist or shift in bed urine will come out easily in squirts. 

One thing that I also love is the smell. My penis and balls always smell like pee. Even if I’ve just showered, washed myself thoroughly and put on a new pull up, within 20-30 minutes if I touch myself down there, the smell will be starting to become apparent again. I’m not sure why I love it exactly, but I do. It just reminds me that I am not in control of my bladder whatsoever, and I’ll always be peeing all over myself no matter what else is going on. 

I can still manage to have amazing orgasms and strong erections, but sometimes they feel less strong and it is a different feeling then I experienced before. Sometimes there are random pains or soreness or strange sensations that I’m not sure why they are happening, but that seems to be happening less and less and overall my body appears to be moving more towards “the way it was before” even if I still can’t hold my pee for the life of me. There are parts of the results that bug me or that I’m not especially happy about as well, but being incontinent was what I signed up for, and the surgery absolutely did accomplish that beyond a doubt.

Another really interesting moment was when I was at my urologist, wearing a wet pull up. I had to get undressed and take the pull up off, while dripping everywhere as usual. They asked if I have a new one to change into. It didn’t feel weird, it actually felt very natural to acknowledge it with a medical professional. There was no judging or anything, it was just them looking out for me and acknowledging the fact that I should probably change.

At the end of the day, my body does feel more aligned with my mind and my own “identity” now. There are many things I want to change about myself, insecurities, things about my health and appearance that I’m embarrassed of or need to fix. But being incontinent is not one of those things. It’s the one “wrong” thing that actually feels right.

Thanks for the update! Great to hear from you. 

Have you had any #2 accidents the surgery? Reddy mentioned how he's had a couple times when he's had sudden urges and had to use his diaper. Is fecal incontinence something you desire? 

Have you had any more conversations with friends/family about your incontinence? Have there been times when you wish you didn't have to deal with your incontinence?

You mentioned how when you are sitting you will get a build up of pee in your bladder which will suddenly leak out. Does this overwhelm your pull up? How often do they leak?  

What's your changing routine like/how many pull ups do you use per day? I imagine you must be changing a lot!

Thanks again! 

[dlnoir]

I have been following this topic from the day it has been posted. I think it is very interesting to read and above all very informative. For all those whom share the same feelings it is almost an essential read. I can fully understand the desire to be or become diaper dependent, I share the same desire and feelings. For me the most valuable aspect of this topic is to learn about the struggles it gave Bobby brown, Reddy and maybe some others whom want down this road. To be honest I thought or better yet expected is was an onetime deal, you go in for surgery and that would be it, apparently it is much more complicated than that. Although I do not expect my desires and feelings to change for they’ve been a part of me for about as long as I can remember, I now know that surgery will not be an option for me.

Like so many others here on the forum I found a way to control the feelings and desires I have in a less invasive way. To me it is clear the method I use will be and is sufficient. In daily life I have to wear diapers, by choice. If I go to bed I will have to wear diapers, by choice cause if I wouldn’t I would wake up in a wet bed and throughout the day my clothing would be wet 24/7. The only thing that differs from surgery I can undo my incontinence if I want too, but I don’t. So I am really thankful or I really appreciate the fact that some of our members whom did go in for surgery shared their story, telling not only the upsides but also talked about the downsides of it all. The fact that both sides of the story are being highlighted makes it extremely valuable to make a proper assessment if surgery is something for you to pursue or not.

[cathdiap]

1 hour ago, dlnoir said:

I have been following this topic from the day it has been posted. I think it is very interesting to read and above all very informative. For all those whom share the same feelings it is almost an essential read. I can fully understand the desire to be or become diaper dependent, I share the same desire and feelings. For me the most valuable aspect of this topic is to learn about the struggles it gave Bobby brown, Reddy and maybe some others whom want down this road. To be honest I thought or better yet expected is was an onetime deal, you go in for surgery and that would be it, apparently it is much more complicated than that. Although I do not expect my desires and feelings to change for they’ve been a part of me for about as long as I can remember, I now know that surgery will not be an option for me.

Like so many others here on the forum I found a way to control the feelings and desires I have in a less invasive way. To me it is clear the method I use will be and is sufficient. In daily life I have to wear diapers, by choice. If I go to bed I will have to wear diapers, by choice cause if I wouldn’t I would wake up in a wet bed and throughout the day my clothing would be wet 24/7. The only thing that differs from surgery I can undo my incontinence if I want too, but I don’t. So I am really thankful or I really appreciate the fact that some of our members whom did go in for surgery shared their story, telling not only the upsides but also talked about the downsides of it all. The fact that both sides of the story are being highlighted makes it extremely valuable to make a proper assessment if surgery is something for you to pursue or not.

I completely agree with you. This topic has reduced my interest in surgery to zero. The incontinence with my stent is the same during the day and even better at night.

A surgery would only put me at risk of hating incontinence. 

[Reddy]

2 hours ago, dlnoir said:

I have been following this topic from the day it has been posted. I think it is very interesting to read and above all very informative. For all those whom share the same feelings it is almost an essential read. I can fully understand the desire to be or become diaper dependent, I share the same desire and feelings. For me the most valuable aspect of this topic is to learn about the struggles it gave Bobby brown, Reddy and maybe some others whom want down this road. To be honest I thought or better yet expected is was an onetime deal, you go in for surgery and that would be it, apparently it is much more complicated than that. Although I do not expect my desires and feelings to change for they’ve been a part of me for about as long as I can remember, I now know that surgery will not be an option for me.

Like so many others here on the forum I found a way to control the feelings and desires I have in a less invasive way. To me it is clear the method I use will be and is sufficient. In daily life I have to wear diapers, by choice. If I go to bed I will have to wear diapers, by choice cause if I wouldn’t I would wake up in a wet bed and throughout the day my clothing would be wet 24/7. The only thing that differs from surgery I can undo my incontinence if I want too, but I don’t. So I am really thankful or I really appreciate the fact that some of our members whom did go in for surgery shared their story, telling not only the upsides but also talked about the downsides of it all. The fact that both sides of the story are being highlighted makes it extremely valuable to make a proper assessment if surgery is something for you to pursue or not.

I am really glad it helped because it is a big deal.  I think everybody who got it here is happy with it, but it is good to show what it's really like, good and bad, so people can see if it is what they want or not.

So I agree with you and that's why I appreciated what @BrownBobby and @wetguy13579 did for me, they shared what they went through and helped me understand what to expect in this process.  I am so thankful to them both.  And we all have something big in common, so it's really nice having them, because they truly understand.  It's a gift from them, and I appreciate it, and I and I want to offer that too if anybody needs it.

It was definitely the right thing for me.  I didn't even wear diapers much before this, and now I have no choice at all, I have to wear diapers whether I like to or not, and sometimes I don't like it.  Like I posted, I did wear diapers 24/7 for a long time once but I stopped because I didn't like it, there was no point.  But now I'm stuck in diapers.

But this is still the right choice for me.  I didn't need to wear diapers constantly before in order to prepare.  There was no point.  I had no interest in wearing diapers by choice, I only wanted to wear them if I had to.   Now I am figuring it out suddenly.  But my point is for me, that doesn't matter.  I have to figure it out now, so I do.  It was still the best choice for me to do this.  It doesn't matter whether I got used to it before or now.  It didn't change whether I am happy with it, because I already knew I wanted it.  I also didn't think the side effects would bother me that much and I was right, they don't.  But that's just me.  Everybody is different.

Some of you will not want the surgery at all now, and that is what makes sense for you, and that's great.

So I am glad it was helpful to read and thank you for saying so.

[superabsorbantpolymer]

On 10/9/2024 at 3:17 AM, Reddy said:

I am really glad it helped because it is a big deal.  I think everybody who got it here is happy with it, but it is good to show what it's really like, good and bad, so people can see if it is what they want or not.

So I agree with you and that's why I appreciated what @BrownBobby and @wetguy13579 did for me, they shared what they went through and helped me understand what to expect in this process.  I am so thankful to them both.  And we all have something big in common, so it's really nice having them, because they truly understand.  It's a gift from them, and I appreciate it, and I and I want to offer that too if anybody needs it.

It was definitely the right thing for me.  I didn't even wear diapers much before this, and now I have no choice at all, I have to wear diapers whether I like to or not, and sometimes I don't like it.  Like I posted, I did wear diapers 24/7 for a long time once but I stopped because I didn't like it, there was no point.  But now I'm stuck in diapers.

But this is still the right choice for me.  I didn't need to wear diapers constantly before in order to prepare.  There was no point.  I had no interest in wearing diapers by choice, I only wanted to wear them if I had to.   Now I am figuring it out suddenly.  But my point is for me, that doesn't matter.  I have to figure it out now, so I do.  It was still the best choice for me to do this.  It doesn't matter whether I got used to it before or now.  It didn't change whether I am happy with it, because I already knew I wanted it.  I also didn't think the side effects would bother me that much and I was right, they don't.  But that's just me.  Everybody is different.

Some of you will not want the surgery at all now, and that is what makes sense for you, and that's great.

So I am glad it was helpful to read and thank you for saying so.

Well said 👏 

> Now I am figuring it out suddenly.  But my point is for me, that doesn't matter.  I have to figure it out now, so I do.

Have there been any more things lately that surprised you or you've had to figure out?

Have you been back to the gym/figured out a routine that works for you to be protected while changing?

I love hearing about your journey, even mundane updates are appreciated!

> also didn't think the side effects would bother me that much and I was right, they don't.

I was wondering how the TURP affects the prostates sensation. Have you ever had an anal orgasm (prostate)? If so has the sensation changed since the surgery?

[nappyboymids]

@Reddy  @wetguy13579 I'm really glad you're happy with your decisions and hope you're both looking forward to lifelong incontinence and diaper-wearing.  Like so many others, I've followed this thread from the beginning and been fascinated by all the twists and turns.  Overall, for me, I think, like @cathdiap and @dlnoir, the stent route is probably the best for me, at least for now.  If I had a long-term partner who was as fascinated with and excited about incontinence as me I'd seriously consider the surgical route so we could spend our lives in uncontrollably wet diapers - but for now, I'll read on.  Good luck!

[UsuallyDiapered]

On 10/9/2024 at 8:31 AM, dlnoir said:

I have been following this topic from the day it has been posted. I think it is very interesting to read and above all very informative. For all those whom share the same feelings it is almost an essential read. I can fully understand the desire to be or become diaper dependent, I share the same desire and feelings. For me the most valuable aspect of this topic is to learn about the struggles it gave Bobby brown, Reddy and maybe some others whom want down this road. To be honest I thought or better yet expected is was an onetime deal, you go in for surgery and that would be it, apparently it is much more complicated than that. Although I do not expect my desires and feelings to change for they’ve been a part of me for about as long as I can remember, I now know that surgery will not be an option for me.

Like so many others here on the forum I found a way to control the feelings and desires I have in a less invasive way. To me it is clear the method I use will be and is sufficient. In daily life I have to wear diapers, by choice. If I go to bed I will have to wear diapers, by choice cause if I wouldn’t I would wake up in a wet bed and throughout the day my clothing would be wet 24/7. The only thing that differs from surgery I can undo my incontinence if I want too, but I don’t. So I am really thankful or I really appreciate the fact that some of our members whom did go in for surgery shared their story, telling not only the upsides but also talked about the downsides of it all. The fact that both sides of the story are being highlighted makes it extremely valuable to make a proper assessment if surgery is something for you to pursue or not.

I agree completely with you, @dlnoir. Although I only joined the forums recently, I have watched this topic from day one, when @Reddy announced his intention to have incontinence surgery. Over 1300 posts later, a lot has been discussed, and it has been interesting. At the beginning I really wondered if Reddy would back out at the last moment - obviously he didn't - but it's not something I think I could have gone through with myself. Nine months later and I am absolutely confirmed in that feeling - it's just not something I could go through with. Whatever their opinions on the topic, I'm sure anyone who has followed this thread has learned something.

 

For me the incontinent desire is definitely appealing, but it is largely in the realm of fantasy. I can't see myself untraining long-term, which I guess is why I find the notion of temporary incontinence with a stent so appealing. When I have the stent in, I am very much conscious of how dependent I am on my diaper. I like being able to "turn off" the incontinence when I want by simply removing the stent. I prefer for my desire to remain at the level of a desire where I can choose it when I want.

[Reddy]

On 10/10/2024 at 6:03 PM, superabsorbantpolymer said:

Well said 👏 

> Now I am figuring it out suddenly.  But my point is for me, that doesn't matter.  I have to figure it out now, so I do.

Have there been any more things lately that surprised you or you've had to figure out?

Have you been back to the gym/figured out a routine that works for you to be protected while changing?

I love hearing about your journey, even mundane updates are appreciated!

> also didn't think the side effects would bother me that much and I was right, they don't.

I was wondering how the TURP affects the prostates sensation. Have you ever had an anal orgasm (prostate)? If so has the sensation changed since the surgery?

I haven't been back to the gym yet but I will soon.  My plan was to go this week but I had 3-4 weird things come up that took up all my time.  I'm hoping next week is better.

The only thing surprising me lately now is how constant the peeing is, there isn't any dry period after I change my diaper.  And how I can never actually ever experience being just clean and dry.  I am always soggy, moist, something.  I thought I would have a dry diaper sometimes at least for like 20 minutes.  But I always feel it all over my balls and butt and skin and stuff.  It's hard to explain what it's like always being wet.

I guess one more thing surprised me, how it has really started to sink in and affect me that this is still happening.  I think my subconscious kind of felt like once I did this it would be exciting and then I would move on to something else.  I know logically it wasn't but I think deep inside I didn't realize what I was doing.  My friend was walking around in his shorts and my mind freaked out and I was like clenching up thinking "no you're gonna drip everywhere" and after a split second I remembered that's not what happens to other people and they don't have to think about that.  They can just throw on shorts walk around and actually not cause a problem.  That's when I realized what was really sinking in just now at this point.  It reminded me too of when I was gonna be with friends swimming and about 10 seconds after putting on my swimsuit I had wet patches that looked really obvious on my gray swim shorts, and wet spots that really showed up on the ground under where I was standing on the wooden planks.

There are times in my day where I never thought about diapers before, only thinking about them when I wanted to or was really into them, and I didn't realize all these other times that I need them, it's actually all the time.

When I just wish I didn't have to deal with I still have to.

And having to remember diapers everywhere.  I sometimes forget or only have one diaper and for a lot of the time my diaper is "very" wet before it's "totally full" or leaking.  And when I'm very wet... if I don’t have enough diapers, I can't get changed.

Oh and having to bring a big backpack into every place I go for longer than an hour or two.

It's just that I really can't do stuff without wearing a significant absorbant and bulky diaper.

And I can't magically make it so my diaper is thin and silent so that people aren't looking weird at it sometimes.

I guess there's a lot of stuff.

[Reddy]

This week I also had a weird moment in the car.  I haven't really been stopping even for a minute this year whether it was dealing with my previous LUTS and retention, then surgery excitement, then my initial surgery recovery, then bladder retention, then UTI, then stricture worries, then 2nd surgery, then recovery, then urologist and my main doctor both still telling me I had bladder retention, then having urodynamics, then meeting with urologist this week about that, it's been a constant cycle of problems that were always getting fixed and getting better.

So I was driving home from something maybe it was my last uro appointment and I had a funny thought because things are finally sort of settling down and I thought what's next but all I am is wet all the time.  That's kind of when I realized I was excited about this but my subconscious didn't actually realize this would continue.  So now I'm incontinent but there's nothing else to it.

I wasn't considering the surgical treatment but I looked up the mesh sling surgery and the artificial sphincter surgery and they both sound a lot worse than I thought.

There's actually not an easy option to just stop being incontinent, they look really complicated and have a lot of risks and they all break and have to be replaced.  The artificial sphincter has a pump in your scrotum, a cuff around your urethra, and a balloon inside your abdomen.  You have to squeeze the pump in your scrotum to deflate the cudf back to the balloon and your body can pee for a little bit and then you can't again.  At 10 years, about 66% of artificial sphincters are still not broken.  Whenever it breaks you have it taken out and have a new one implanted in all of those places.  The mesh sling wraps around your urethra and two ends tie around your bones, seems like your hip bones or pubic bones, the ones with holes in them.  There are lots of lawsuits about problems with the mesh sling too, even though it looks like the less complicated and less risky one.  The mesh can move and become exposed, and also erode into the urethra itself.  It lasts more than 10 years but has to be replaced too.  All of these replacements cause more scarring.

Oh and I am not sure you can ride a bicycle anymore, at least you definitely can't at first.

My urologist told me he didn't necessarily advise either of these because first of all the type of incontinence is apparently much more extreme than most cases according to my urodynamics, there is an extreme amount of leaking (constant) and significant incontinence and these wouldn’t necessarily work.  For the average person with just some incontinence these work for about 80% of cases.  The other reason he said it might not be safe is my bladder doesn't squeeze anymore so even though my retention is actually better than before all this, now my bladder doesn't squeeze normally and if they put one of these devices in it would make it more difficult to pee at all, and if it caused retention I would be going down a bad road.

This all sounds scary.

He had mentioned physical therapy before, but said it's not necessarily a muscle problem, it could help, but he doesn't see that my sphincters are there at all so that it would not do anything about that, which is the cause for the incontinence.

I don't mind but it's weird and I'm surprised that if I wanted to go back they don't really have good options to go back to not being incontinent anymore.  They should have a way to actually fix the problem not these devices that cause problems or break or don't work.  That doesn't actually fix your body so you are back to normal and that seems really bad.

So I was in the car just thinking this has all been very interesting but what if I wanted to be able to do things not wearing a bulky diaper all of my life, every second of every day, it's not easy to change that.  I didn't want to, but when he first mentioned the surgeries I assumed they would actually be permanent and actually fix incontinence.

It was a weird feeling that even though I don't mind it what if there is a situation I don't want to be sitting in a wet diaper, there isn't actually any fix for it.

I'm not sure what people do when they accidentally become incontinent, it seems like they all can get help and move on but maybe what I have is actually worse and most people never have severe incontinence.  Idk what they do.

I've never really had something where you can't just change it how you want it, so it just felt different.  The weird feeling wasn't that I don't like this but "what if" I don't like it.

Would I just be unhappy?  Would I be really mad?  Would there be better medical care by that time so it can actually be fixed when people need to stop being incontinent?  I don't really know.

I'm not worried about it I just started thinking about it.

So my urologist just said go to physical therapy.  I am only gonna go to try to learn some things that could help continue the healing for my erectile and orgasm functions.  But it's kind of weird that that was all he said.  Just go do this, and maybe it will help, but it won't fix things, and that I might just be in diapers all my life... and then what, just bye and good luck have a nice life?

What if I was just somebody off the street who had incontinence inflicted on them.  You have to wait weeks for an appointment, weeks to to the tests, weeks to do the review of the tests, and then what are you doing in the meantime just sitting there in your diapers every day while you wait.  It doesn't seem like great medical care options in this day and age if you actually had a problem with it.  And what if the physical therapy didn't do anything either.  What do you do then?  I am not clear on what the next step would be.

Like I said I am not mad but I am starting to think what if I was.

Also physical therapy seems like it takes up a lot of time and I only see appointments are available when I am normally working, it should be where you can go when you are available.  Not sure how people can manage that either.

Well I am lucky that I don't mind the incontinence and diapers, I don't think I will ever change my mind, but it's kind of weird they just expect you live with it and when they say they are a doctor that can see people for incontinence and perform surgerys, they cant actually fix it at all?  So what are they doing then.  Not fixing incontinence.

I just need a break from it, I don't want surgery obviously, because I am glad I am incontinent.  There should be a way to take a break though and there is nothing they can even do to give you THAT.

But like I said I'm lucky because Im not actually dealing with this.  This is just by choice not like real incontinence that happens to people.  I just cant imagine if I had randomly became incontinent I don't know how people don't go crazy, I would go crazy

[Diapered Dave]

2 hours ago, Reddy said:

The only thing surprising me lately now is how constant the peeing is, there isn't any dry period after I change my diaper.  And how I can never actually ever experience being just clean and dry.  I am always soggy, moist, something.  I thought I would have a dry diaper sometimes at least for like 20 minutes.  But I always feel it all over my balls and butt and skin and stuff.  It's hard to explain what it's like always being wet.

I'm sure it was mentioned in the past... in fact, I think I may have mentioned it. Have you considered a penis clamp?

If you go back 3 or 4 pages, another guy even posted a photo of one. He said the max time is like 2 or 3 hours, so you COULD be out of diapers for short periods of time.  

On 9/19/2024 at 12:02 PM, austmo said:

This is how I use the clamp for shorter periods while around the house, showering and changing diapers.

Here it is...

[cathdiap]

@Reddy .Since your incontinence was caused by the removal of both sphincters, it is indeed irreversible. No surgery can ever replace them. This situation almost never occurs, except in cases of medical malpractice or, as in your case, intentional surgical removal. Diapers, foley catheters, indiana pouch or a urostomy are the only options for dealing with the incontinence.

Missing sphincters are as irreversible as missing limbs. Every specialist will have to tell his or her amputee patient to just learn to live with it. There is no point in getting angry about it.

As a long time stent user I know exactly what it is like to wet myself all the time, to always be in a wet diaper, to never feel clean, to never enjoy a dry diaper for longer than a minute at most.

For me, the hardest part of it wouldn’t be the diaper I would have to wear for the rest of my life. The hardest part would be the constant peeing around my private parts, like a constant and hard to ignore reminder that I am incontinent. It’s quite mentally taxing to deal with.

I found it hard to understand how you seemed to be so convinced at first that you wanted to become irreversibly incontinent and completely dependent on diapers and then later, when you had succeeded, felt it was unfair that you could no longer do certain activities (so easily).

The limitations you said you encountered unexpectedly were so predictable to me that I seriously began to think you were fooling us by pretending that the world had suddenly turned against disabled people for no reason. When in reality, you were the one making yourself incontinent for what most people would consider 'no valid reason'. I was truly confused by this inexplicable turnaround in your perception of true diaper dependency.

If you are completely incontinent and can't even go a few seconds without a diaper, then of course your life changes drastically. Some activities become extremely difficult or even impossible. That's a fact.

But I am glad that you seem to have accepted that you now have a body with new characteristics and that it will need extra care for the rest of your life.

Thanks for sharing your latest experiences and thoughts. It is really helpful for people who may still be in doubt.

[Reddy]

Thank you @cathdiap, thank you it makes more sense that this is rare.  So probably, most people don't have to deal with this type of incontinence except when the surgery goes really bad and that should be rare.  That's good and I guess it explains why there are options that won't help those people very much but helps other people.

I never heard of Indiana pounch but that is really interesting.  I agree it's like a missing limb just because... that doesn't grow back.

For the gym I am not worried anymore, I don't want to have to anything difficult so I didn't want a hanging bag, even though maybe that's easy for a lot of people, but I can set my diaper on the top of the wall between the showers, it is a ledge where I think anybody would put their shampoo if they didn't want it to get wet for some reason, I don't mind that and I can put my powder there too.

Anyway I don't mind being wet all the time either, I like it, *almost* all of the time, but it's definitely an interesting and weird feeling when you face a little moment of not enjoying it.

Oh thank you @Diapered Dave for reminding me about the penis clamp.  I need to buy one.  I think it's perfect for those moments.  And @wetguy13579 said the clamp is seriously something I need to try and I never took it seriously.  Until now I didn't really think I would ever want to try it, but I can see it might be perfect for the time to just not drip "for a moment."

I still think I shouldn't have to change any of my activities just because of this and I guess, so far I really don't.  I can go everywhere and do everything I did before.  I can do the easiest thing for me at the gym.  I can work on my confidence about continuing to live my life.  So I am glad there really isn't anything that I had to change around, because I don't think I should have to do that.  I feel bad if people think they have to hold themselves back, because I really see how it could quickly and easily happen to someone.

I guess for now I am surprised at somethings, not that it these outcomes doesn't make sense, of course it makes sense I am incontinent and this is what I asked for.  But surprised in the sense of the way it actually works and the way my mind is reacting.  The emotions of fear or anger or anxiety or defiance are continually new and different.

Another thing really fascinating is trying so hard to become incontinent, the idea of incontinence is always something that I was trying for, trying to make happen, I was never "incontinent enough" in my mind because - I wasn't incontinent at all until the surgery.  Well, fast forward to the surgery and I still was disappointed and didn't think it worked.  I went back for a revision, even though it was just a stricture procedure.

I saw it worked and I was incontinent, but it didn't seem like "enough" and wasn't how I expected it.

Always always working toward incontinence, not really achieving it in my mind.

Now the dust settles and it actually starts to sink in I am incontinent, not focused on trying to be incontinent, now I have consequences.  I never thought I would get to this point.  I am not pushing for it anymore.  It is here, and it is causing problems.  I actually have to get used to being incontinent.  It's different from how it ever felt in my life.  It's so different to be on the other side.

I think it's kind of like when I got my cat.  I really wanted a kitten, and it was so exciting the day I got him it was overwhelming.  Then he was shy and I was scared he wouldn't come to me and cuddle.  I had my kitten but I was scared it wasn't working out.  I always wanted him to be more open to me, I had to wait and be patient.  Then he bonded with me and we cuddle and love each other.  Now I am used to him.  I still like him, but I have to buy him food, and day after day he really never stops pooping in his box.  I seem to have a cat that I have to always take care of.  He comes to bother me sometimes when I am trying to focus.  How different to go from yearning to being satisfied and noticing the problems.  I love my cat so much though.  I don't regret adopting him and I don't think I ever will.  But it hits me sometimes that I need to take care of him and he never goes away, ever.  I don't want to change my life around for having a cat, and I really don't.  I do what works for us and I decide, not somebody else telling me how I have to change things around for my cat.  I think this is like the way my incontinence is now.

Also my doctor took my antidepressant down for my ED a few weeks ago and everything in my life feels different, actually the whole world around me feels different, I just don't feel the same way about anything and lots of stuff is surprising me about how I feel and what feels difficult or makes me mad now.

[cathdiap]

48 minutes ago, Reddy said:

It's different from how it ever felt in my life.  It's so different to be on the other side

Very interesting @Reddy 

So do you miss having to work towards incontinence? Or do miss your desire now it has become reality?

Or were you maybe mourning over the loss of your sphincters? Your brain must sense that an important part of your body is no longer there? Just like with a missing limb it thinks it is still there, but the continuous wetting signals it's the opposite.

Could you elaborate a bit more on what you thought incontinence would be like before the last surgery and the actual incontinence you have now?

[Reddy]

@cathdiap no I don't miss having to try for incontinence at all, it is really frustrating. The only thing still on my mind is the bowel incontinence surgery. I really want to learn more about it. Because I need to really think hard about it. But I don't miss it at all.

I think it is more the second thing, morning the loss of sphincters. But not like normal morning. I am glad they are gone. I am just surprised I guess. And I didn't expect to be at this point. And it for the first time is feeling very permanent to me.

Honestly I don't think I had any idea about what incontinence would be like. I don't think I ever expected to be incontinent. I have always tried to become incontinent and nothing has ever worked. Even as a few months ago I did not think that this surgery worked at all. I am only starting to see that I might be severely incontinent and I didn't realize that once it passed a little time it is a lot more stable, always the same everyday, and it is actually very severe. My doctor seemed shocked that I go through three or four diapers everyday including overnight. And I saw how he described significant incontinence and permanent damage in my charts.

I think I am really happy about this and I didn't even realize that I actually never believed this would happen. Because I obviously worked for it and hoped it would happen. But I never truly thought that it would work out. I am really glad about it. I just think it was my subconscious that was surprised. It seems very strange to be surprised. But here I am.

A big part of me still assumes that in a few weeks I will probably stop wearing diapers. Because I always think that I could probably control it. But things have happened like having an entire wet diaper when I did not believe I had peed at all. And thought I needed to pee but there was nothing in my bladder to pee and it was all in my diaper. It might be real incontinence forever.

I've never really had something happen that is forever. I am happy but it feels like a big thing. But I am happy

[longislandguy]

I think it’s fair to say it might be real incontinence forever. You don’t have a sphincter.