When did you first realize you were diaper dependent?

[Enthusi]

This was inspired by another topic I recently started, in which I posited that part of the reason it’s hard to know how long it takes to become diaper dependent is because incontinence is a nebulous construct. 
 

Though it had me thinking, for those who have achieved some degree of success, what was it like for you when it first clicked that you need to wear a diaper to stay dry?  Were you ever in denial about it, or skeptical that you were “faking it?” Was there an index event such as an accident that drove it home? Or was it more of a feeling of vulnerability when not diapered?  How do you personally define diaper dependence? 

[stevewet]

I have been wearing nappies 24/7 for 10 years. My incontinence started in my late 40s when my bedwetting came back followed by daytime wetting. At first I just wore nappies at night to help keep the bed dry. My day time incontinence was only slight at first just stained or damp underwear by the end of the day. Slowly this got worse to where by the end of the day I would have a noticeable wet perch in my trousers. That's when my wife suggested I wore nappies all the time. 

At first I didn't want to but soon realised it was for the best. So for me about 10 years since I realised I was dependant on nappies.

[Rob110]

This November will be the start of my 10th year for being diapered 24 /7 I to started with damp underwear then into realfit for men pullups then quickly into taped diapers as my IC issue got worse quickly.  I still remember looking at my first real tapped diapers (Dry 24/7) and thinking how big they are compared to the realfit for men now my betterdry diapers dont look that big as I have gotten use to wearing them years ago .

[stevewet]

4 minutes ago, Rob110 said:

This November will be the start of my 10th year for being diapered 24 /7 I to started with damp underwear then into realfit for men pullups then quickly into taped diapers as my IC issue got worse quickly.  I still remember looking at my first real tapped diapers (Dry 24/7) and thinking how big they are compared to the realfit for men now my betterdry diapers dont look that big as I have gotten use to wearing them years ago .

Nappies are just normal to me now. 

[Kif]

I don't think there has been a single moment for me so far, so much as a spectrum of increasingly telling signs. 

One moment that stands out earlier on is when I was eating breakfast with my hubby at a restaurant, and suddenly the urge went from 0 to 10 in the span of a few seconds. I did my best to stop it while keeping a straight face, but I couldn't stop having an accident. I reflected on it later and felt really grateful I had been diapered when that happened, but simultaneously felt a sense of dread and fear in realizing that if I hadn't been diapered then I would have had a very large and very public accident in a very very very bad place. 

Around/after that specific point, I felt more resolved to never come out of diapers in public. This had the consequence of confining me entirely to my home for a few months during recovery after a later surgery because I couldn't quite wear diapers and didn't trust myself to make it to a public bathroom in time.

A more-recent moment that stands out is my return trip from CAP. 

I learned I had zero control in stopping anything while standing up. It was like the levers were only partially working half the time at best, and when they did the valves didn't close off all the way so I'd continue to wet despite feeling like everything was clenched off. But it wasn't that alone which was memorable -- it was that realization combined with being stuck in a confined space around lots of people for many hours with little-to-no backup clothes. I could only carry so much in my purse, and there was always a chance I'd be separated from my carry-on luggage (nearly was at one point...can happen when too many people violate the size requirement or they overbook the flight). 

That...anxiety-ridden...return trip really hammered in how much more vulnerable I was to being put into some very embarrassing and uncomfortable situations. Diapers were absolutely as mandatory as meds, and backup clothes (which I did use after leaking at one point) were a close second. It makes me reconsider travel as a whole, as being incontinent adds this entire stressful overhead of managing bulky (but mandatory) supplies in size-restricted unpredictable situations. How many diapers do you need on-hand? Once you land? How about ordering ahead? Do you plan to bring back anything with you, and do you have the room for it with your return supplies? Etc. And while you can request baggage accommodations for it, it's going to be different for each airline that may require not just a doctor's note but that you do it quite a ways ahead of time via snail mail.

So yeah...maybe a few of those signs, hopefully you find that informative!

Was I more diaper dependent compared to that first event? Absolutely. But was I already diaper dependent at that first event? Enough so. Back then I could struggle and sometimes fully stop it compared to now where I can only partially stop it at best. I might have fared better with travel this time around with as much "control" as I had back then, but I wouldn't have been any less dependent. So...spectrum, I still think?

[Little Sherri]

I guess my response would depend on the definition of "diaper dependent" that you use. I've remodeled my life to allow me to wear diapers 24/7 for 4 years, so, one could argue that I'm dependent on them, at least psychologically - I can't imagine having to go back at this point. It would make me so sad. 

That said, in terms of needing them for their intended purpose, IE, to absorb unexpected and unintended accidents, I came to realize a couple of years ago that I was truly wetting the bed on occasion - waking up in the morning wetter than I had been when I went to bed, with no recollection of having done so. It's still very unreliable and unpredictable, although alcohol definitely increases the odds that it will happen, but, the bottom line is, if I went to bed without a diaper on, I'd sleep terribly, and at some point would likely wake up wet. So, at least at night, I'm diaper dependent, for practical purposes. 

[~Brian~]

I have been in diapers for almost four years in August of 2023. I first realized this is that had a problem in 2018 and 2019. this is when I started having accidents, and I was unable to determine when I was able to go, because it would just happen. By that I mean, you usually feel something happen in your stomach or you feel something in your bladder a few seconds before you have to respond and tell your body to get up and do whatever it has to do to get you there. When I started having accidents, what would happen is I wouldn't even get the signal.

I would feel something in my bladder or I'd feel something in my bowels that needed to be evacuated. the next thing I know without even thinking about it, i've messed myself before I even put my hands on the arms of my chair to push myself to a standing position to do a wheelchair transfer to go into the bathroom.  when this happened, I was thinking to myself that that was strange and I wouldn't want that to happen again. I had to clean myself up I had to take a shower and then do everything I had to change what I was wearing. This was something that was very embarrassing and also very inconvenient. I ended up keeping a miniscule record in my head of this particular incident, because I was beginning to think I was having issues with IBS and diverticulitis, because I've had them before.

Then I had one night happen where I was wearing a tranquility ATN, because I decided that I needed to wear diapers to determine whether they would help me with the situation. Unfortunately the tranquility diapers didn't come in handy, and they just made a mess even Here, But then of course I was able to get rid of most of it in that diaper. I learned that the tranquility, along with all of the low end plastic back diapers made, along with the cloth back diapers that are made are not designed for total incontinence. That night, I had two accidents in my bed, and it was just too ridiculous and too revealing. I finally realized that I needed to be responsible, and the most responsible way to handle this is to use diapers. I have been a proponent of having someone help you deal with many situations, and most times when you have a medical problem, you go to a doctor and you see a doctor, the doctor diagnoses you as having something, and if it's something that he thinks that you need medicine to treat, he deals with it. in my case, I don't think incontinence is something that can be treated with medicine in my case. it is part of my disability And that is what happens.

I started realizing that I was diaper dependent when I would have these accidents, and I couldn't think about when they would happen, so I started wearing diapers to bed. after a while I finally came to the realization that I needed to get the help of the doctor, he started me out with these cheap diapers, then we talked about differing diapers with a state, And he did his work and then ended up putting in as a diagnosis for me so that I could wear diapers 24/7. with the good diapers that I had, I then realized that I was scared to release..... very rarely have I been scared to go to the bathroom.  But this, I was thinking to myself I need some help, and I think these diapers are helping.

So that August I ended up getting help, in 2019 I ended up asking the doctor for the diapers, and he helped me get exactly what I needed. very soon afterwards I knew that I had to have a place where I could have support for people that were like me that were dealing with incontinence and other issues. I am, and I guess always was a diaper lover anyway, so daily diapers was where I wanted to go, and I knew that there were people here that could understand and empathize and help me to deal with the fact that hey I'm gonna have to wear diapers here, and they made me understand that it was no big deal.

I guess you could say that I understood exactly what I needed to deal with and why diapers were important in 2020. I finally decided that hey this is a lot better off than having wet pants, or messy pants, or just the fact that you can release whenever you need. That is when I realized that I was diaper dependent. To me this is the best decision I've made, And because of good friends on daily diapers, I understand exactly what I'm dealing with why I feel the way I do And that everything is fine, And I'm not crazy or silly because I wear diapers: diapers are what I need, and it is normal for me to do so, and I should not feel ashamed or worried or anything about doing it.

When you end up having problems with cerebral palsy and you end up aging, you realize that your body may not act the same as it did 20 years ago. I guess you could say that me being a diaper lover was because of my stints in pediatric rehab where it was required to wear diapers. when you end up having to wear diapers everyday, you are stimulated in ways that you'll never forget, and I guess the diaper itself was something that I never forgot, because it was always there. Even when I was in rehab and bad things were hopping to me, the diaper protected me from it, and I needed it.

Like @Kif The moment I decided that I needed diapers was like a light bulb moment. I realized that diapers were not the enemy, and I had people on my team that we're supportive of me, and would tell me that it's no big deal, and I Would finally be able to be the person that I wanted to be, I would finally be able to deal with the urges that have always been with me, and because of incontinence, I would have a legitimate reason to wear diapers, and because of that legitimate reason, and because of all of the people here on daily diapers, I don't have to hide what happened, and I don't have to hide who I am, or I don't have to hide the feelings. If you need to wear a diaper, that's the good part, they are available, you just have to have the right person help you get the proper diaper for the situation. when you go through a situation and you don't have control, it can be embarrassing, but for people who were born that way or who have changes in their body so that something doesn't work anymore, you accept that you wear diapers as part of what you deal everyday. It's no big deal for that person to end up using a diaper, cleaning themselves up, changing themselves then going doing whatever they do. they understand exactly what that's like, and they are prepared, even if sometimes it can be an embarrassing situation or in a place where you don't want it to happen. wearing diapers allows me to use the diaper wherever I am, and not have to worry about what happens if I do.

I'm glad that I made the decision to go 24/7. There are many things that happen in life, and as far as I'm concerned on Scale of 1 to 10, incontinence is a one. I don't let it worry me anymore, it's something that just is part of what I am and who I am. I don't hide anything anymore, I don't need to, and my stress level and my overall mental and physical health has improved. I just wish that I had realized my feelings a little bit earlier and be able to wear a little earlier, But circumstances didn't permit or allow that. Now that I have the proper medical diagnosis and the right medical teams to support my decision, it is easier for me to be able to accept it, and who knows even if I wear diapers you can still have fun, I mean you don't have to wear plain white diapers anymore, because there's plenty of different diapers, and you can get ones that remind you of your childhood as an adult In adult sizes, so even if you have to wear diapers, they're not just clinical white anymore lot of people I think! It helps them bring their childhood forward, and some people like to regress, so that's awesome.

Brian

[Enthusi]

7 hours ago, Rob110 said:

I still remember looking at my first real tapped diapers (Dry 24/7) and thinking how big they are compared to the realfit for men now my betterdry diapers dont look that big as I have gotten use to wearing them years ago .

This reminded me of the first time I wore a diaper thick enough that I couldn’t properly close my legs all the way.  It felt so weird. Nowadays I feel weird when I’m not thickly diapered!  

[Kawaharu]

I knew I was gona be diaper dependent when my mom threw all my underwear out on my doctors orders. At first I was hesitant to be put back into diapers but eventually I came to accept that I am always gona be kept in diapers and always going to diapered for the rest of my life. As my Incontinence got worst, I realized that I was never going to be potty trained and never going to be allowed to be an adult, grown up or even a big kid anymore. So at that point, I realized that I am never going to wear adult underwear anymore and I am going to be locked into diapers for the rest of my life. So after so many years, diapers have pretty much been so normal for me.

[stevewet]

13 hours ago, Enthusi said:

This reminded me of the first time I wore a diaper thick enough that I couldn’t properly close my legs all the way.  It felt so weird. Nowadays I feel weird when I’m not thickly diapered!  

Same here I don't feel dressed without the bulk of a tena maxi slip between my legs.

13 hours ago, Kawaharu said:

I knew I was gona be diaper dependent when my mom threw all my underwear out on my doctors orders. At first I was hesitant to be put back into diapers but eventually I came to accept that I am always gona be kept in diapers and always going to diapered for the rest of my life. As my Incontinence got worst, I realized that I was never going to be potty trained and never going to be allowed to be an adult, grown up or even a big kid anymore. So at that point, I realized that I am never going to wear adult underwear anymore and I am going to be locked into diapers for the rest of my life. So after so many years, diapers have pretty much been so normal for me.

My wife threw all my normal underwear in the rag bag a few years ago. "Well you won't be needing them again" she said.  😃

[Rob110]

My underware drawer was emptied years ago I no longer own a single pair as theres no chance of me being able to wear them again. 

[stevewet]

3 hours ago, Rob110 said:

My underware drawer was emptied years ago I no longer own a single pair as theres no chance of me being able to wear them again. 

I only have nappies, padded inco pants, net fixing pants and plastic or nylon waterproof pants now.

[Enthusi]

11 hours ago, Rob110 said:

My underware drawer was emptied years ago I no longer own a single pair as theres no chance of me being able to wear them again. 

I ritualistically burned all of my underwear in a quite dramatic way a few years ago.  Though since then I purchased some underwear because on rare occasions I like to pretend I’m am a middle and rebelling against having to wear diapers. I usually create an elaborate back story about how I got picked on for wearing diapers and I decided I need to just wear underwear and my body will figure it out.  It invariably ends up with me in soaked pants, not that I expected a different outcome.  Don’t be like me kids. 😂😂😂

[munkey]

When I was driving last year and couldn’t stop myself from peeing in my diaper.  I actively tried as hard as I could to hold and I wet my diaper beyond my control.

[ozziebee]

2 hours ago, munkey said:

When I was driving last year and couldn’t stop myself from peeing in my diaper.  I actively tried as hard as I could to hold and I wet my diaper beyond my control.

I either get an urge with pressure buildup to the point it releases, and I have to squirm to release the pressure, or I'm unconfortable for the rest of the trip until I stop and get out of the car - then it instantly releases.

[stevewet]

On 4/19/2023 at 11:16 AM, Rob110 said:

This November will be the start of my 10th year for being diapered 24 /7 I to started with damp underwear then into realfit for men pullups then quickly into taped diapers as my IC issue got worse quickly.  I still remember looking at my first real tapped diapers (Dry 24/7) and thinking how big they are compared to the realfit for men now my betterdry diapers dont look that big as I have gotten use to wearing them years ago .

I'm sure I have asked before but what caused your incontinence?

[Kawaharu]

On 4/20/2023 at 8:10 AM, stevewet said:

I only have nappies, padded inco pants, net fixing pants and plastic or nylon waterproof pants now.

When I got thrown back into diapers, all my underwear got thrown out and the only thing I am allowed to wear is a bra and diapers.

[oznl]

It was when I realised I had reverted to bedwetting and in particular, the night that I deliberately did NOT wear a nappy and woke up in a wet bed instead.  I didn't want cold wet sheets.  The fact that I GOT them showed me that this was something that had gotten outside of my control.

The feeling, as I've said before, was a strange allow of horror and excitement.

During the day, I persist with the theory that I don't need my nappies and could operate without them if I had to but there are increasing instances where I realise that I'm peeing in my nappy and it occurs to me that I would not have made it to a bathroom if I'd wanted to.  With a bit of pre-planning (and very close access to a bathroom) I still think I *could* operate without a nappy during the day but it wouldn't be very practical as a daily proposition right now.  Better to be diapered...

[dribblez]

After five years of wearing 24/7, although mostly wearing pull-ups and going to the potty in the day, I have probably been dependent for some time without realising it. One incident last year confirmed the extent of my dependency however. 

We were going to a wedding a 5 hour drive away, and I made sure to empty my bladder before leaving the house and diapering up with a booster. An hour and a half into the journey, and I was damp after a couple of authorized releases.

My wife decided she needed a toilet break, so we pulled into a service station. She sprinted off, leaving me to lock the car. Unfortunately she had packed the back-up key fob in her purse, leaving me wondering why the car would not lock. I opened and closed all the doors, but still the damn thing would not lock. Meanwhile pressure was building downstairs. After about 5 minutes I felt a warming sensation and could not stop things.

Eventually my wife reappeared and nonchalantly announced that the spare key fob was in her purse when I said that I hadn't been able to lock the car.

She was keen to get moving again, and although wet by now I estimated that I probably had enough capacity to get me to our destination.

And so it was that we arrived with me urgently needing a change but still outwardly dry.

Night time is a different matter. My first genuine night time accident happened about 3 years in, and now I wake 3 or 4 times a week with a wet nappy and no recollection of how that happened.

Daytime is more complicated. Some days my range is down to about 45 minutes, other times it can be a couple of hours, and I have started to notice small daytime accidents.

So dependent, yes, with the likelihood that the slow downward drift will continue. And it does not bother me a bit.

[ppdude]

On 4/19/2023 at 2:03 PM, Enthusi said:

This reminded me of the first time I wore a diaper thick enough that I couldn’t properly close my legs all the way.  It felt so weird. Nowadays I feel weird when I’m not thickly diapered!  

Yeah. Something's wrong if you can't feel the bulk between your legs.

 

[oznl]

On 4/24/2023 at 12:17 AM, dribblez said:

After five years of wearing 24/7, although mostly wearing pull-ups and going to the potty in the day, I have probably been dependent for some time without realising it. One incident last year confirmed the extent of my dependency however.

That was a pretty interesting story to me because I'm starting (at the very back of my mind) to wonder if I may indeed not be a bit more nappy-dependent than I realise during the day.

Mostly I can remember permitting releases but I'm increasingly aware that these releases are tiny and yet HAD to happen and that I was really not sure how I might have coped with things had I not been wearing a nappy.

[Ginger]

Im not sure exactly how far along i was in my untraining. Maybe 9 or 10 months. It hasn't been too long ago.  But it was the realization that i couldn't shut it off once i started wetting. Then the constant dribbles. Ahhhh, sweet success

[stevewet]

On 4/19/2023 at 7:03 PM, Enthusi said:

This reminded me of the first time I wore a diaper thick enough that I couldn’t properly close my legs all the way.  It felt so weird. Nowadays I feel weird when I’m not thickly diapered!  

Same here. I don't feel properly dressed without the bulk of a thick nappy.

[Kevin140]

since I reached finaly an overactive bladder, I test without wearing diaper and it is totaly unconfortable to be not in a distance, where I could reach the next toilet in a short time

I am sure, that I am diaper dependant 

[Rob110]

On 4/21/2023 at 10:39 AM, stevewet said:

I'm sure I have asked before but what caused your incontinence?

Unfortunately they never really found what caused it other then to say its non life threatening and settled on an Over Active Bladder and an over sized bladder as my last scope test my urologist kept saying thats a lot of pee and the reverse fill did not cause me to feel my bladder being full 

Being diaper dependent is now officially on my permanent medical records   I had to go for a hearing test and my doctor added a comment on the referral form That I required diapers still cant figure out why that is relevant to a hearing test   good thing it no longer bothers me if people find out Im diapered 24/7