Dr_J Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hey everyone. I know it's rather rare for me to post much of anything these days, but I am hoping to get some advice from you. This has been driving me crazy for the past month. Link to comment
Repaid1 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I had a situation somewhat similar. I'm not going to say that she is the same, but I found out later about mine. She had feelings and it just got to be to much as I deal with depression. We had a good thing and I can't blame her, but the simple thing was she found someone a better match for her and her needs and things. So to keep the pain to a minimum for what she thought for both of us she began to drift away. I guess she thought that as little contact would let it settle down. While she claimed we would always be friends that too had left her barely commenting or responding to my messages. While it hurts, I learned to understand that she had continued on and I should do the same, which I did. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Light the fire and burn the bridge. Link to comment
feralfreak Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hey everyone. I know it's rather rare for me to post much of anything these days, but I am hoping to get some advice from you. This has been driving me crazy for the past month. Link to comment
Dr_J Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thank you both for your insight. I have been leaning towards the side of letting her initiate the next move, but wanted some more opinions on it. I've been told by friends that I'm too nice in the past, so I'm trying not to maintain my too nice role. It tends to lead some people to walk all over me. Link to comment
wetatnight Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I would back off and let her make the first move towards rekindling the relation ship I know it hurts, but she may have mixed feeling about how far your relation ship is going and maybe trying to slow things down IT may be time to move on,but that's up to you to decide Link to comment
PullUpDiaperLover Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 My opinon, if you are not employed gainfully and have depression you need to focus on those issues before dating. Woman like stable men. Link to comment
Dr_J Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 My opinon, if you are not employed gainfully and have depression you need to focus on those issues before dating. Woman like stable men. Link to comment
Baby Brian Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 There's nothing wrong with maintaining a periodic friendship with someone. You just have to figure out what you both really want in this friendship. My best friend and I are this way. We can go months without talking, but if either of us wants to hang out, or otherwise needs help/support then we're there for each other. I can't say that with anyone else I know, no matter how much we are in contact. Link to comment
jeremy12312 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Couple things on either end of the spectrum, if every opportunity to meet had some unfortunate circumstances where it just didn't work out, don't rule out that you're being catfished. Especially in this community. On the other hand, if you react in a huge way ("burning a bridge") with no provocation other than a lack of contact, that makes you look really bad. Some people don't have the courage to actually break things off, but if she never responded to daily messages, its over. Cut your losses and move on. The "too nice" thing is never because people are too nice. It's like not hiring someone for a job because they're "overqualified". There's another reason that's really there, but they try to find a positive reason to spare the rejected persons feelings. Don't try to counter being " too nice" by overreacting in personal situations, because you'll come off as a psychopath and eventually turn off the person who would have found your natural persona charming. Hang in there, man. It's tough. Link to comment
DiaperPony Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 For me, ignoring messages from someone is the ultimate in rudeness, and personally I don't put up with it. It tells me "what you say is not even important enough for me to respond to". Confronting about it never helps, though. They'll just say they never saw your message or they were too busy and forgot to respond. That's something I still need to work on, because it upsets me, and I sometimes respond to rudeness with rudeness. I think it'd be better for me to just ping them again later. Now of course, those things ocassionally do happen. Facebook is a completely unreliable way of communicating to any specific person, because it hides messages if that person gets too many other ones. And, people do get busy at times and a message could be received while they were driving or at work and couldn't pull away or such. Or, perhaps they felt it wasn't needed to respond (for example a forwarded email). But, IMO, except for impersonal communications like the email forward, ignoring should be the exception and not the rule. Somehow, I manage to respond to 99% of personal texts and emails from friends and family. Even if it's just a sentence or two. To me, ignoring a message seems like a cowardly way of trying to get someone to stop talking. "Maybe if I ignore them, they'll realize I'm not interested."... rather than having the courage to just tell me that. Edit: There are also a couple rarer possibilities. I'm bad at describing my emotions, and if I'm emotional about a message, I need to take time and figure out how to respond. Other times, I have so much to say that I can't respond immediately. But, in either case I do eventually respond. Link to comment
nhdl Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I agree with the idea of backing off and let her contact you if she chooses. Link to comment
WakkoWannaBe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 On the other hand, if you react in a huge way ("burning a bridge") with no provocation other than a lack of contact, that makes you look really bad. Some people don't have the courage to actually break things off, but if she never responded to daily messages, its over. Cut your losses and move on. Link to comment
Dr_J Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thank you again everyone for your thoughtful insight. Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 As the old saying goes :" if you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours, if not it never was" Link to comment
DLdapper Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'm in the boat of not burning any bridges ever. but having loose ends, especially ones you feel unsure or uneasy about isn't ideal either. So if you want to change that, reach out and rekindle the connection, and reassess the situation, life is always changing, and you gotta keep up with that. ^-^ Link to comment
Kodachi96 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I think the baby needs another beating Link to comment
spoonchicken Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Light the fire and burn the bridge. Link to comment
Fulldiaper Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Dr. J...follow your heart. Send a message that you are leaving it in her court. Leave it at that...if there is an interest, she'll follow up. Friends are valuable and great for us to have and not easy to find. Good friends are people that we can talk about anything and they accept us no matter what. Link to comment
Bettypooh Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I spent most of my life burning every bridge I crossed. Now I see the folly of that- You never know what the future will bring and a burned bridge is closed in both directions So instead I now burn only the bridges where someone is harming me- otherwise I simply walk away and leave the rest up to them. The effect to me is the same and it leaves no hurt behind. The effect to them is whatever they make of it. 1 Link to comment
BriGuy Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Just let her make the next move and continue living your life. Sounds like she's moving on. Link to comment
Dill_Pickle Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Miss Cutie: Excellent perspective! Link to comment
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