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Bad Jokes

371 posts in this topic

When the ABDL was sentenced to 15 years in prison, why did he bring a rubber sheet?

Because it would be quite a stretch

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On being asked if he had a criminal record, Sam pointed to his Fun Loving Criminals collection

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18 hours ago, dlsafrica said:

On being asked if he had a criminal record, Sam pointed to his Fun Loving Criminals collection

LOL

 

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What part of Popeye never rusts?  The part he puts in Olive Oil!

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This sign at work gave me the perfect materiel for a bad joke

sorry.png

It's a shame because I'd love to have sex with Sorry :D

 

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6358235333419573281092854367_donald-trum

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Street vendors can make people feel like stickers --- ripped off

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eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches

 

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20 hours ago, Alvin Seville said:

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches

 

Funny. And on that note...

A man walks into the cigar shop with a broken Zippo. There is a Black man behind the counter who asks, "May I help you, sir?" "Yes," the man says, showing him the broken Zippo. "Do you have any lighter parts?" The man behind the counter replies, "Nope. I'm the same color all over."

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When Eskimos bury their dead, they sing "Freeze a jolly good fellow".

 

Nota lota people know that!

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Why couldn't I get my PC to play the Disney movie DVD?

Because it was Frozen

 

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Two guys walking along a trail in the wood come across something in the middle of the path.  The first one says, "What's that?"  The other guy says, "Looks like shit".  The first guy says, "Touch it and see."  The second guy stickes hins fingers in it and says, "It feels like shit".  The first guy says, "Smell it".  The second guy does so and says, "It smells like shit".  The first guy says, "Taste it!"  The second guy licks his fingers, spits it out and says, "Ewww!  It tastes like shit!"  The first guy says, "It must be shit then!  Good thing we didn't step in it!"

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Why couldn't the elongated fish use his vaping device?

Because he'd ran out of Eel-iquid

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At my store Depends are in isle seven so as a joke whenever somebody uses the word "Depends"  I say.....

 

Depends are in isle seven :D

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3 hours ago, Spiderman said:

At my store Depends are in isle seven so as a joke whenever somebody uses the word "Depends"  I say.....

Depends are in isle seven :D

And I’m sure when said isle is running low on stock you quickly Attends to the situation, and due to your hard efforts to make the store a sea of Tranquility Prevail as one of the best workers on the North Shore.

 Of course not all your colleagues are nice, Sue isn’t very nice when you feel blue but Molicares because she Luvs you, it was nice how you took  her to that new restaurant, you hadn't Abena there before but the reviews said the food was pretty good

:D

 

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1 hour ago, Alvin Seville said:

And I’m sure when said isle is running low on stock you quickly Attends to the situation, and due to your hard efforts to make the store a sea of Tranquility Prevail as one of the best workers on the North Shore.

 Of course not all your colleagues are nice, Sue isn’t very nice when you feel blue but Molicares because she Luvs you, it was nice how you took  her to that new restaurant, you hadn't Abena there before but the reviews said the food was pretty good

:D

 

Then after I got home to my wife Ruth I gave her some Huggies.  Then she told me I was oh so cute.  Then I told her she looked Magnico.   Then I decided to Pampers her by massaging her back and then neck before we go to bed so we can have a Goodnite.  After all we want to get lots of sleep so we are ready for little Danny's first day at Auburn Buddist University Preschool.  However, we just call it ABU Preschool for short. 

 

:D

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What did he say when asked if he wanted to go to Norwich?

 Norfolk that

Where do a group of male, portable, collapsible steps go on a Friday?

On a ladders night out

 What’s a sword fighter’s favorite part of the garden?

 The fencing

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How many lonely guys does it take to change a diaper?

One. But he wishes it took two :(

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How did the dog describe the forest full of trees? 

Bark bark bark bark 

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How did the dog get through that forest with all the trees?  One leg up at a time!

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What's a sports brands favorite hallucinogenic narcotic? 

Ellesse D

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