Conflictedinside

Okay, a followup post. And also an attempt at discretion, but after some intimate moments last night, I am fully comfortable with my feelings and my marriage. my favorite moment from last night was at the conclusion, hearing my breathless wife tell me, "We...we're going to talk about this. this is alright." I could not be happier right now. I feel free of this burden. I appreciate all of the help that I given and the people who commented on this post. I took your advice and started doing more and being patient, and it took a couple of days, but man oh man was it worth it. I feel like everything has changed now. This post is not meant to flaunt my relationship. But with all the times DL's post on here with stories about relationships ending, I thought we all could celebrate a W. I don't know what I would have done without my friends here in the DD community.

So, my wife and I had a talk recently, and she's unsure if she can deal but she is willing to try to compromise with me on some of my ABDL desires. She said she has some ideas, which really excites me. But, those of you who were previously unwilling or resistant to your ABDL partner, what are some things that I can do to make the sessions easier on her? How did your partner ease you into it?

So, i just finished the first round of talking to my wife. Later on tonight were going to talk and try to come up with a compromise. Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your help. Especially you, bettypooh, your words resonated with me and actually helped in the conversation.

No, Ellie, it's not a silly question. It's a very valid question that I have asked myself before. Then I get into a space where I see this whole thing as selfishness, putting myself and my wants above the needs of others, and then I think, well, change the perspective so that your doing what's best for others and not thinking of yourself. I do play with my kids, but it's different. My particular type of little space is not playing with toys or watching PBS kids or Disney movies. I already do all of that as an Adult. I'm just looking for a few moments every once in a while to be an AB, to be free of all of my responsibilities, free from the thoughts of crippling anxiety and poverty that pervade my life. To be totally taken care of for a few hours. I already play with Lego blocks and all of my kids toys just because I like playing with them, but that's just me being me and wanting to do what my kids do. As far as seeing a counselor, I think it could help but the problem is finding the right one. There is one kink aware therapist in my area and even getting to them would require a full days travel there and back. Unless someone could see us on the weekends, I don' know how we could get to one. I'm also not fond of the idea of calling up various counselors and asking them if they have dealt with ABDL situations before. Kind of not into shouting it from the rooftops as it were.

Topic Update: So, it's been a little over 24 hours since I last posted. I've been helped by some wonderful people in our beautiful community, and I'm very appreciative of it. To further reiterate, though my post definitely had that sort of vibe, I am not suicidal. Aside from me not feeling the blackness of the void that deeply, I'm a avid listener of the NoSleep Podcast and have no desire to "Feed the Pig." (someone may get that reference...) Esoteric humor aside, This seems to be cyclical nature of my struggle. I begin to have these pervasive thoughts, they build to obsession where I feel that I should burst, and then something happens. Usually nothing good. Usually, there is a conversation about ways to sublimate my desires which would be okay if anything ever came from it. As it stands, it seems like a diversion away from the topic to kick the can down the street for another day. I meant what I said about my belief that every day is a new day. Today is not like yesterday. I still feel sad, but now it's also a feeling of being lost. I don't know what to do with the things that I feel. God bless you all with your SO that you can be open and honest with. I can be open about most things with mine, but this is taboo, verboten, and other forbidden words. She has become mad for not talking to her about it, mad for talking to her about it, mad for talking about it at the wrong time, mad for talking to someone else about it. It's like playing Roulette and putting everything on 00, every spin but one is a loss and you don't know how it's going to land at that moment. Add to that the intense pressure that I've put on myself about talking about it, and it makes me insular, i get quiet and pensive. My mind runs through all the things I should say or shouldn't say, the hours tick by slowly and sleep comes on lazy wings. The thing that I fear the most is losing the love of my life. I want to be whole. To have all of me accepted, even the parts I don't quite accept myself. Is it so much to ask for to have all of yourself accepted, not most or some? I fear that when the time comes to choose between this part of me that I don't fully understand and my wife and kids, I'll choose the family. And in doing so, I'll just be forced to live in denial of myself. And I'm not sure I can do that either.

Another intense and well written chapter. I'm looking forward to Ch. 15. Please say there is a ch. 15.

Thank you for the concern, but I have no plans to harm or kill myself. God knows, I've had times where I've thought about it in the past, but I found help through medication and the simple truth that every day is a new day. To answer your questions: Yes, I am married. Yes, my spouse knows, but she is disapproving. Actually, I'm not really quite sure where it stands with her. When I first told her about my "little side" she said that it wasn't uncommon, and then she would try to work with it one day. Then it was, this is a dealbreaker for us and if you try to force it I'm out. Some time later, the tune was, "When the kids are potty trained, we'll tend to you, until then just be patient." I've thought so many times today about telling her how I've been struggling over the past couple of days, but I always chicken out because I have no idea what reaction I'll get this time. And coming here for help is great, but I just feel like she should be the first to know when I'm struggling, you know. And it sucks that I can't tell her. I've gone through a thousand different scenarios in my head today and none of them end well.

I've lurked on this site for years, always in the pictures and stories tab. Last Thursday, I decided to make an account to allow me the opportunity to talk with other And, people I thought would understand. I thought it would help me out to know that there were people who actually lived happy lives this way. And it has been hearing all about your good relationships and the personal happiness and fulfillment that you feel. And I am happy for each one of you. It makes we wish we could meet so that I can see that happiness for myself. Maybe it would help me. But after being here for a few days, I may have to give it more time, but I worry that being here is making me feel worse. Being cut off from the community is hard and it's lonely and I have no one to talk to about this secret that I feel is a part of me. But I feel it would be better than being surrounded by people enjoying and embracing something that feels completely out of reach for me. Cleaning out our room, I found a pacifier that seemed to have escaped the purge after my daughters third birthday. I thought I'd set it aside to maybe use for RP later, but I was forced to throw it away. Well, I hid it in my secret liquor cabinet. I'm constantly checking my inbox for emails, responses, from people I've messaged and content I've posted looking for any sort of interaction with this group. My feelings are becoming obsessive and I have no outlet for what I feel like inside. I'm so down, and I don't know how I can help myself or even what I would want to get out of it. What can I do, friends?

I don't know if there's a simpler way, but I click on the person's name to bring up there profile and then click on the message icon there. it should look like a envelope.

There's a collection of Albums called Rockabye Baby, and each CD is lullaby renditions of famous songs by particular artists. My personal favorites are the Rockabye Baby Metallica Album and Journey. Master of Puppets is actually pretty darn relaxing. Raise your kids on the good stuff.

I told my girlfriend ( who is now my wife) about my desires in a subtle way and she seemed really accepting. After we were married, I brought it up from time to time but nothing ever got anywhere. Then she got pregnant. Now, we're attending baby showers and my house is flooded with diapers and bottles and it's a constant reminder of something I was trying so hard to suppress. Everything came to a head one night, and she told me that she didn't think I was serious. We hit a dark place, I went to counseling, and I thought very seriously about ending my life. I thought everyone would be better off and I wouldn't hurt anymore. But I didn't. She finally told me that she would try to do this for me once our kid was a little grown. She didn't want to change diapers all day. Then our second child came along. And I've still tried so hard to push this away, because I love my wife, but ,as my name says, I feel so conflicted and torn and not whole. I try to wait patiently for something that may or may not come. It's like Schrodinger's Diaper. Now, if I start talking about being babied, she assumes that it's just because I'm stressed out. And that that reminds me that this is a null issue for her. So I come here hoping to talk to people who know and understand, maybe some vicarious living through those who have their desires affirmed. I guess I just love my wife more than I love myself, because there are times I don't really know who I am anymore.

I'm personally grateful for all the recent newcomers, including you stash. Warmest welcome to you. I'm also new to everything so I'm grateful to find others like me. Feel free to message me anytime you wanna talk

I would love to know more about your experiences and the thoughts and feelings you had when you first came into being Corey's caregiver. Going from outsider to insider can be a difficult process.

Sammy, I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Im not sure how to process all that i feel. If you want to talk, let me know or just drop me a message.