She might not be the word you're looking for...... I think it's better to say that you fell embarrassed to use them in front of her........ I wouldn't be too worried about wanting to keep it low-key
I'm dead set agents surgery to become incontinent .... Especially if you haven't committed to 24/7 diapers for some time allready.... I recommend you go 24/7 first with no cheeting. And if you can go a year or 2 in diapers. Then look into surgery