I have to question why you would want to force yourself into becoming incontinent when you could just choose to wear diapers and follow the 12 month program to slowly develop incontinence. It's not like harming yourself to become incontinent would be a valid excuse to wear them any more, than because you are having leaking problems and need to wear diapers. If anything, it would be a worse excuse because now everyone would know you chose to become incontinent via self mutilation (which most people can't understand liking diapers to begin with, let alone self mutilation).
Yeah, you definitely need to talk to someone- soon.