Rainbow Diapers

Greetings from Burton-on-Trent! Has anyone checked out the new story I started posting? Would like to see some feedback on that one, while I'm working on it.   149. A Possible Explanation Tess glanced nervously around the waiting room, watching any corner in case someone she knew appeared. It wasn’t like the little place in Ashfields, where anybody in the clinic had their own issues. Dr Lutwa had responded pretty quickly, saying that there was exactly one kind of neurological damage that could possibly explain her having instinctive responses to the pressure in her bladder without being consciously aware of it. But that meant she needed a brain scan. Tess had been terrified; but like Gabby had said, she needed to deal with this now. She couldn’t back away. So she had done all the things she knew she should do. Telling Ffrances that she might need some help in case this turned out to be a psychological thing, and making an appointment for a FMRI scan at Pine Ridge. And now she was sitting in the waiting room, terrified. There was a good chance somebody she knew from school would be on the site, because the doctors in Pine Ridge were all on the same site, as well as the hospital and other specialist facilities. She could tell herself that it was incredibly unlikely any of them would be in the imaging department; but that didn’t seem to matter to her hindbrain. “Tess?” Tess stood up with a relieved smile as soon as she heard Dr Lutwa’s voice. She didn’t need to hide anymore. But then she looked around the quiet waiting room one more time, just in case any unnoticed friends or acquaintances had been alerted to her presence when they heard her name. But there was nobody. The doctor’s office looked kind of like a closet. There were shelves along three walls, packed solid with unidentifiable boxes. There were no pictures on them, just brand names that meant nothing to a non-doctor. Despite the clutter, it gave the room a distinctly austere atmosphere. The desk was a lot smaller than the one at the clinic; and there was still only just enough space for Dr Lutwa to edge around and sit behind it. For a moment, Tess thought they were shoehorned into a temporary space because the other offices were in use, until she noticed the medical diplomas displayed on the top shelves, from universities in all the countries where Dr Lutwa had practised medicine. This was the natural territory of a doctor who valued pragmatism over style, and didn’t particularly care for a spacious office or the illusion of wealth. “Cosy,” Tess commented as she sat down. “You should see the place I worked out of in Failaka,” Dr Lutwa answered. “In any case, I think I should give you a more detailed explanation of my thoughts here. What we’re looking for, and the odds of me seeing anything. I want you to have realistic expectations up front, you see. There is a possible neurological explanation for this kind of problem, but only one. Unless there’s something I’m missing. And that particular kind of injury is incredibly rare, involving damage to a particular part of the brain, or its failure to develop correctly. Now, I feel that I have to check, but at this point it seems vastly more likely that your problems are psychological in nature. Do you think you could accept that, if the damage I’m looking for doesn’t appear on the scan?” “I think so,” Tess said, only frowning a little. This problem had started immediately when her parents left the country, and it wasn’t like she’d suffered a head injury or anything. She was already pretty sure that there was some kind of emotional problem behind what was happening to her, and knew that she was clinging desperately to any chance of a different answer. That opinion had been reinforced when she mentioned that she was going to see Dr Lutwa. Gabby hadn’t seemed to care, but she could sense a faint disapproval from Ffrances, as if the psychiatrist thought that she was looking in the wrong place for a solution. “Does that thought upset you?” Dr Lutwa asked. “You seem all serious now.” “No, it’s just… My parents are out of the country now, so my legal guardians are my cousin, Gabby, and her girlfriend, Ffrances. I thought that if it turns out to be all in my head, I could ask Ffrances for help. She’s a shrink, I mean. Not sure if you know her. But she said she thinks she’s too close to me, and she might not be able to read my emotional state correctly. She’s given me the number of another doctor to call, in case this test doesn’t turn out well. If that’s the case, I’ll call this Dr Welch right away, or could you refer me? But it’s just… she knows me better than anybody, but it’s like she’s trying to keep me at arm’s length now. And that worries me a little.” “Maybe it’s just that she wants to remain impartial. She cares about you too much, so she doubts her ability to be firm with you when there’s a problem. And Dr Welch is very skilled, I promise.” She hesitated, and bit her lip. “I think she cares about you a lot. I’m not sure if I should say this, but she asked me about your treatment. Wanted to know what medication you are on. I think… a lot of non-specialist doctors will prescribe seratonin reuptake inhibitors for anything that might possibly be a mental health issue, so maybe she was worried I was offering inappropriate drugs. I know that several of my colleagues at the clinic seem a little too eager to offer antidepressants for everything from sleep problems to performance anxiety, so perhaps she wanted to make sure that I was taking your issues seriously.” “What did you tell her?” Tess asked, feeling a little dread building up in the back of her mind. She didn’t know what exactly she was worried about, but trying to check up like that seemed really out of character for Ffrances. If she was worried, she would have asked Tess directly. Unless there was some other problem that Tess didn’t even know about. But what could it be? “I didn’t tell her anything. Well… I shouldn’t have. A patient’s treatment is supposed to be confidential unless I have reason to believe they’re putting someone in danger. But I might have let slip that I’ve not prescribed any drugs. I don’t know if she caught it, but… I’m sorry if that causes a problem.” “It’s okay,” Tess said. “And thanks for telling me. That kind of worries me now, because I’ve never known her to ask before. She’s really, really serious about the privacy thing. Like, if you’d asked that about one of her patients it would be a strict ‘no comment’ all the way, no matter what. So for her to ask… there must be something going on. But I don’t know what it could be.” “Let’s just deal with the problem at hand,” Dr Lutwa said, then tapped some keys on her laptop, which occupied most of the little desk. “It looks like the queue for radiology is backed up a little by an emergency case. So there’s time now if you want to tell me the full story of what happened. I think that might need a little privacy. And then I can explain a little more about the condition I’m looking for. We can talk about that on the way over there if you don’t mind having the conversation in a more public space. But I think it’s beter if you know what to expect.” “Yeah,” Tess nodded. “That sounds good. I don’t mind talking about conditions or treatment when people might overhear, if it’s just a hypothetical. Just so long as nobody knows what actually happened to me.” “Of course. So, you said that other people could tell you were desperate, but you couldn’t feel it. Right?” “Yeah. I didn’t feel it at all, until… well…” “Okay. So that means you were probably reacting in some way. Now, this type of scan will let me see the areas of your brain that are more active. So I might be able to see if the messages from your body are getting through. Do you need the bathroom now?” “No,” Tess said, shaking her head. “Not at all. Should I drink more before the scan? I mean, if you’re looking for those signals, I guess it would help–” “No, that’s okay. I just wasn’t sure if you were starting to fidget a little. Maybe that’s just your nerves. So, if you don’t mind, you could tell me what happened? Were you particularly focused on something else, so you might not have noticed?” “Yes… no.” Tess said, and tried to get everything straight in her head. “I mean, we were watching a DVD. A movie, and we were really excited to see it. But we paused it more than once so people could use the bathroom, or refill drinks, or whatever. And they even asked me if I need to go. I thought about it, and I was really sure… it’s like…” Tess interrupted herself again to take a deep breath. She didn’t even like to remember what had happened, but she needed to give the doctor enough information to decide if the problem was going to be in her brain or in her mind. It took nearly fifteen minutes to recount that afternoon. She mentioned that the DVD was a first draft that they’d got from a friend-of-a-friend who was making a movie, and that it was really long because of that. She wasn’t sure if that could be relevant or not. But she tried to make it sound like it was some indie guy who would never amount to anything serious, rather than a big franchise. She knew that she couldn’t afford to let anyone at all know that Gabby had smuggled Striker home from work. Tess decided that it wouldn’t be appropriate to mention the hypnosis, either. She knew that Ffrances wasn’t supposed to do things like that, and that she’d only been willing to try it because Gabby begged her. And thinking about it again, Tess had to wonder how she would explain that to Dr Welch. If it was something she wasn’t supposed to do, would she have to hide if from a doctor who was supposed to be helping her with the same thing? She would have to ask Ffrances about that again. But once those thoughts crossed her mind, Tess knew that she absolutely couldn’t say anything to Dr Lutwa. Because knowing what she knew now, she wasn’t entirely sure Gabby’s motives were completely altruistic. Although she couldn’t deny that the suggestion had helped to reduce her bedwetting, and every time Gabby told her not to have an accident it worked perfectly… Had Gabby secretly been hoping that Tess would be curious enough to ask for the other trigger? Or even hoping that Tess would ask too often, so that it could be reasonable to make Tess have an accident as some kind of punishment. No, the way that suggestion was structured couldn’t be coincidence. Tess stopped speaking for a moment when the realisation hit her. The two-sided posthypnotic suggestion wasn’t just to make it work better. Having the trigger that meant she could be told to have an accident or told not to… that was Gabby’s wish fulfilment. And maybe Ffrances had gone along with it just because it was her own secret desire. If Tess had known back then how much Gabby wanted her to be a baby, she would probably have thought a lot harder before agreeing to the hypnosis. Now… well, Gabby must really have been disappointed that she still hadn’t gotten a chance to say those words. But even knowing that made the whole issue so much harder to talk about. “Tess?” Dr Lutwa said. “You just stopped…” “Sorry,” she said. “Something just occurred to me. I’m surprised I didn’t think of it sooner. But it’s not a big deal. Just telling the story made me think about something in a new way. But anyway, yeah? I was standing in the kitchen, and Ffrances and Spike were both telling me I need to go pee, and I was so certain that I didn’t. I even got angry with them for being so insistent. I was certain that I wouldn’t be able to squeeze a drop out even if I tried. I might have stamped my foot, I don’t know. And then out of nowhere, suddenly I was bursting. I couldn’t hold it another second, in front of my girlfriend. Boyfriend, I mean. I just couldn’t–” Tess stammered. The doctor hadn’t said anything at all, but Tess was desperately wondering how to explain that visualising Spike in a dress, she’d thought of him as a girl for just a second. Anything she could say would be way too complex. And then as she fished around for the words, she looked for any excuse to interrupt the conversation so she could think. She should go to the bathroom anyway; she needed to go pretty badly now. And as soon as the thought crossed her mind, heart racing with anxiety, she felt her bladder release. She tried to clamp down on the flow, but her body just didn’t respond, and a second later there was pee streaming down her legs again. She could only gasp in shock, and wonder if this was another sign that all her problems were down to stress, or a heightened emotional state, or whatever. She looked up at Dr Lutwa’s surprise, and hoped that she wasn’t going to be in too much trouble for this.

About Me Toilet Training - Early life - Doctors claim & blaim... I was toilet trained by age 3, where prior to that, used to leak into a diaper. Post that, used to leak into my pants, or at times, flood. It was at 8 years of age after 5 out of 7 wet nights, that I was diagnosed, but at that stage, the Dr blaimed my parents for failing to toilet train me correctly - which resulted in a very stressful period of my life, where any accident was blaimed on laziness. This led to bowel issues and stained underwear. Pull-Ups - Bladder leakage At my age of 11, one of my grandparents had bladder issues, and she got me pull-ups in my size. This reduced my stress level so by 14-15, I gained some semblence of control and also discovered how my body reacts to stress, and the need to focus completely on my bladder to be able to retain its contents. Diapers Since then, I reverted to diapers prior to known stressful or high focus events, which led me to rely more and more on them during school etc. Since I was still flooding at times, and that disposables can't handle floods, I retrained myself first overnight, and then daytime to relax completely back to prior toilet training. This, via research, told me to allow certain muscles around the bladder to atrophy - which means that my bladder capacity is only 80-100ml, as a result, I wet every 30-45 minutes or more, and the diaper can last 6+ hours.  Smell - and how I dealt with it This led me to a problem, the smell, where I discovered internal deodrants of activated charcoal. This drasticly improved my digestion, reduced the urine smell to non-existant. Constipation - and Medical again attempt to Fix me Activated charcoal tends to cause constipation as it absorbs oils within bowels. Medical decided to prescribe strong laxitives. This created bowel leakage with associated cramps. (medical usually tend to hide the side effects) So, I stopped taking the laxitives and discovered that adding fish oil will counter-act the constipation. It has the side effect of creating loose stools - and since I already had some bowel leakage AND I was already wearing diapers, I tried to rush to a bathroom to avoid soiling the diaper - but this became not only inconvienent, but very costly in diapers and stress etc - as I was getting urgency triggers almost every half-hour, ripping of the slighly damp diaper and basically, only farting into a toilet. The constipation was still there partially, but with enough pushing, I could evacuate my bowels, but I still had bowel leakage and assosiate rashes from that leakage. I chose to go 24/7/365 diaper dependant and increased my water intake and looked into methods to create a softer poop. This included adding green vegtables, more fish oils, prune juice plus many others. All it did was create a toxic diarrhea rather than soften the poop. Eventually, I removed processed food (in as much as I can) from my diet plus reduced my red meat and pork intake. This, I replaced with chicken and fish. The diarrhea in a diaper, as many can attest to, was explosive, acidic and not what I wanted, however, this improved as my diet improved. Green vegtables etc also helped, but it put me in a situation of little warning of a pending bowel movement while in a slightly damp diaper that could last a few more hours. I was lucky to be in college where I had time at home to experiment, and if an event occured in class, I could easily duck out and hop back to my digs to change etc. Reaction - mental and physical from choices My poop firmed up a bit from the diet, but I still had the urgency - but later research told me why. I used hypnotic tapes from the internet to get me to relax to the level I am at now, and the core reason is that I realised after nearly killing myself from rushing to a bathroom to strip of the diaper so I could poop in the toilet and still not making it, all I was doing was causing myself stress. The first time I pooped a diaper (since baby-hood) - yes I felt it, but there was no urgency as it gently slid out, the relief was almost orgasmic. It was a wierd feeling, where the stress seemed to melt into nothing - and since I was taking the activated charcoal, the smell was nominal. I changed, and although the change seemed to take forever, the relief from stress stayed. The dreams from that event was possitively strange, where I dreamed I was in all variations of embarrasing situations - none, as yet ever came true. However, the pooping in the diaper was so relaxing, I decided to continue, so I added to my wardrobe with plastic pants, onesies, and a few form fitting cloth diapers for overnight usage. ABDL Introduction... Because I was on the web, via newsgroups etc., I discovered the ABDL world, where a number of people worldwide had embrassed the 24/7/365 total diaper dependence complete with pacifiers, bottles and other baby paraphernalia, so I added those too. Situation as it is Today.... Now, I am fully trained to be diaper dependent both bowels and bladder, where my body voids at its own whims. Using common sence, hygine standards coupled with actived charcoal, cod liver oil capsules and a controlled diet plus water, and the plastic pants & onesies, there is not a smell. I change the diapers by the clock - in the morning, midday, evening where most are wet and messy. If I focus on my bladder and/or bowels, I can sence shortly before I void, but since I am wearing the diapers, and the time required to get to the bathroom and disrobe is never enough ( I spent enough time trying to get to a bathroom, where either at the bathroom door, or while pants are halfway down and diaper is half off, my body kicks in and violently voids), I have come to accept that the diaper can do its job without complaint. Medical Intervention In my life, I have met many so called medical experts whos opinion is that they can 'fix' me, but all their fixes eventually ends up with surgical implementation of bags etc... where these bags, being reused, keep that stale pee / poop aroma around the wearer forever - to such an extent that the only people aware of this is everyone else, and not the person.  My Environment I have a SO who is fully aware of my diaper dependance, and at times (rarely) will change me / assist me in changing. I also work in an environment where I meet differnt people on a daily basis. None of them even suspect that I am in a diaper, and in some cases, a wet one, and other cases, a messy one. My body is so relaxed in that stage, that it poops within 3-5 hours of eating a meal, so I have scheduled my meals so I am in public in a messy diaper the lest amount of times - not that it smells, but out of courtesy to others so there is not a chance that they are forced to smell my poop. AB Side of Me The AB side of me enhances my peace and safety. At night, I cuddle up with my plushie, pacifier in my mouth, thick cloth diapers with a layer of diaper cream coating the area, plastic pants, infantile charachters on my onesie / sleeper. Then I cuddle up with my SO, or she will cuddle me. The next morning, it is guarenteed that my diaper will be wet, and sometimes messy. If not messy, either I will fill it when I stand up, or while I am preparing breakfast. If I have to change out of a messy night time diaper, then I am happy all day as that means that most of the next day I will be in a clean albeit wet diapers. Comments To All, in relation to earlier posts.... I have read the earlier posts, and where some members are fighting to retain bowel control. I used to be like that, but experience has told me that once the body gets to the stage of not retaining poop in the bowels and voiding by reflex - ie with the perastatic action of the lower intestine, there is never a chance for smell creating bacteria to grow in ones bowels, so it reduces the smell. Adding activated charcoal, and this improves the situation for the better. Improving ones diet by removing all processed foods (as much as possible) and you get to the stage of nearly zero smelling poop. Add enough water to ones diet, and the poop gets soft enough to gently pass the anal sphincter into the diaper sometimes without informing you. I coat my diaper area with diaper cream - as a result, my diaper area is always slippery and the result is that I can't sence if the diaper is just wet or messy. Yes, I can sence the wet as it expands, but not the poop - and neither is the smell offending since the only smell from the diaper is diaper cream - which is a dull aroma that is non offending, but usually muted by the plastic pants and the baby powder I apply around my legs and waist to ensure that the plastic pants does not stick to my skin. Diaper Dependance from Bed Wetting Some members identify their dependance as starting from bed wetting or similar. This, is typically based on the way they toilet-trained. There are two ways a person learns bladder control - preventitive or reactive. Reaction occurs after the bladder starts voiding and the person sences urine leaking OR their internal or external sphincters moving. Practice means that the child reacts earlier and earlier OR clamps their sphincters shut while they rush for the potty. Puberty causes this tube to change length which defeats this method of toilet trained. Preventitive is sencing the bladder expanding, and then going to a bathroom before urgency occurs. This is the ideal methodology of life - planning and acting before it becomes urgency rather than reacting to an event. Learning the reactive method and behaviour, in both bladder control and later in life is destined to fail where one has to eventually learn the correct methodology. However, due to the way the brain is wired, as one gets chronologically older, it is less capable of learning, so the infantile process of doing something to impress another to gain that level of praise tends to weaken as one gets older. Diaper dependance from Birth If one does not attain night time control, the body never produces vasopressin, an enzyme to reduce the fluidic content being placed in the bladder during sleep periods, so that sleep is not disturbed to get up and void. The production of vasopressin overnight has a secondary and very important part, that allows the bladder to expand past its capacity. An adult bladder holds, on average 100ml of fluid, but the bladder can expand to hold 400+ml. This expansion is in small steps, where as a child, each dry night, and the bladder stretchs 1-2%, to eventually reach the 400+ml capacity by the age 18. If the bladder doesnt learn how to expand - due to bed wetting etc (never gaining night time control) - daytime capacity is very low, and since the body produces 3-10ml fluid from filtered blood per minute, the bladder will fill to 100ml within an hour approx. Since it is the stretch sensors on the bladder wall that trigger the urgency feeling, and the bladder does not stretch and therefore trigger same stretch sensors, the bladder can void autonomically and sometimes spasm when more than 100ml is placed in it where the uretra is kinked. Diaper dependance - accident / injury / spina bifida Toilet training is teaching the child to send the interuppt via the spinal cord to stop the autonomic voiding process, and this level increases based on how stretched the sensors on the bladder wall is. Any damage between the brain and this motor neuron trigger will prevent the interuppt signal reaching the neuron trigger. Surgery anywhere near ones member and errors here can damage the signal path between stretch sensors and the brain, which will mean that there is no urgency signal increasing the interuppt signal level. Therefore, the autonomic void trigger level will increase in proportion to the bladder capacity. Diaper dependance due to medication Some people are prescribed medication that include high contents of salt. This eventually end up in the urine, where the autonomic voiding process is triggered by charged salt ions passing via hole to the motor neurons. Extra salt in the urine will mean that this will trigger earlier, and one will void less than the 100ml, which means voiding multiple times per hour. This has the side effect of atrophying the expansion muscle that allows the bladder to expand, which causes night time wetting also.  Compression Pants / Clothing Some here use compression pants over their diapers. That, is not advantagous to the absorbancy of the diaper, as the more a diaper is compressed, the less able it is to absorb. I use plastic pants, and a onesie to keep everything in place plus to smooth the diaper line marks that can be observed through pants etc. I also were shirts / t-shirts / jackets outside my pants that go halfway if not further down my back and rear to hide the diaper. This also hides the front of the diaper and the bulk as it gets wet. Bowels getting lonely Since in most of these cases, bladder response is autonomic and without notice, this behaviour, to the mind causes a conflict where the mind tries to make sence of this. This is a problem as the mind tries to find a solution within its own experience or history. The solution it always finds is the last time it wet without any 'control' where it was acepted and comfortable was when it was an infant, and would release bladder and bowels into a diaper. This, to some here, is seen as defeatist as if they are accepting that they are an infant. The complication, as an adult, is that one learned to tighten ones pelvic floor muscles as a response to a full bowel, so that they can get to a potty - during potty training. This causes what members here, and some in the medical field refer to as IBS or irritable bowel syndrom - where the persons anal sphincter is being over stretched as a way to keep some semblence of bowel control while spending most of their time in a diaper. Because the rest of the bowels have regressed to the perastatic action of the lower intestine, the pressure on the anal sphincter increases and liquid passes same. This liquid is acidic, and can damage the sphincter.

The first version of SAFARI. It was incredible compared to the Attends 10 an Molicare Maxi Plus, I used at that time. SAFARI, now the new version, is still one of my favourite diapers!🫣

Amy poured herself another glass of wine and yawned. It may have been mid-afternoon, but it felt to her like mid-morning still. She had gotten home late and hadn't slept well. Amy didn't even bother getting dressed today. She was still in the same panties she wore last night -- she just threw on a short little robe to preserve some modesty. She felt like she was at war with herself, and the alcohol wasn't taking the edge off. Last night -- right up until the point she had looked at her phone -- was one of the best nights of her life. She had gone the whole night enjoying herself, her body, and feeling comfortable in her own skin. Rachel and Adam made her feel loved and accepted. She could be herself. Then she checked her phone and real life hit her like a truck. It felt like the clock struck midnight and Cinderella had to get back to the real world. A real world where her husband was a selfish workaholic dick who didn't even bother checking on her when she was out for half the night. But she couldn't judge. She was having sex with other people. She didn't deserve to be angry with him. He deserved to be angry with her. It wasn't rational. She knew it wasn't rational. But it was still infuriating. It felt like more confirmation of what she already knew. She was just background noise in the background of James' life. A cute little pet that he liked to walk out the company Christmas party once a year. When did it get this bad? He used to be so caring, so affectionate. Amy took a swig from the wine glass and let the warmth radiate through her. When she got home, James was sitting on the couch... exactly where she left him. TV still blaring. He was fast asleep. She knew he came to bed at some point. Amy had woken up a few times during the night and he'd been beside her. But when he came to bed was anyone's guess. She knew that she didn't deserve to be mad at him. But it still sucked. She took a swig of wine. And another. She barely tasted it. Her thoughts drifted back to Rachel and Adam. The way that their love and adoration had cradled her spirit and given her a new confidence and self-assurance that she had been missing for so long. And the sex... oh, the sex was amazing. Amy put the wine glass down. She stood and stretched. She could feel that familiar tingle of desire in her pussy and wanted to indulge it. She walked to the window and closed the blinds, pulling the curtains for good measure. The house fell into darkness. She stood up and stretched, and she could feel the familiar tingle of desire in her pussy. She walked over to the window and closed the blinds. She pulled the curtains, too, just for good measure. She closed her eyes, reliving the sensation of their bodies against hers. The feeling of cuddling with them. Of wetting her diaper. Amy slid her hand under her panties, running her fingers against her pussy. She shivered at her own touch. She was already wet. So fucking wet. There was at least one thing from the other night that she could relive. She went downstairs and retrieved a thick diaper from the stash. She returned to the couch and pulled off her robe and panties. As she ran the tape around her waist, she felt the tension melt from her body. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the TV. It was almost absurd, but she smiled anyway. She sat down on the couch and spread her legs. Her hand returned to her pussy. As soon as her fingers brushed against her clit, Amy closed her eyes. She had a clear picture of Rachel's face in her mind's eye. She could see the softness of her lips. She imagined Rachel between her legs, tasting her. Kissing her. She slid a finger inside herself and imagined that it was Rachel's tongue. She leaned her head back and moaned. Her finger curled and stroked her G-spot. Her mind wandered through a kaleidoscope of memories and sensations. She was wet and her finger glided easily. She added a second finger, pumping it in and out of her as her palm rubbed her clit. Amy moaned. Her hips began bucking in rhythm with her fingers. Her mind's eye shifted from memory to fantasy, as she pictured herself riding Adam's dick. Her pussy tightened with the thought. Then she heard a creak. A floorboard. Shit. Amy's had immediately shot out of her diaper, like her pussy was a burning stove. It sounded like someone was walking around on the porch. Who could it be? James? Don't be stupid. No way it was James. He would just use the garage door. Salesman? Mormons? Mormon salesmen? Her heart pounded in her ears. Amy listened intently. Nothing. No more footsteps. No knock on the door. No doorbell. Was it just her imagination? Was she getting paranoid? Probably just a delivery. But she hadn't ordered anything. She got up and carefully tip-toed to the door. Half way across the room, she stopped. Shit. In her panic and alcohol-induced haze, she'd forgotten her robe. Well, if anyone was at the door, they'd get an eyeful. Amy got to the window and peered out. It didn't give a great view of the front porch, but it was usually good enough to tell if someone was outside or if a package had been delivered. She didn't see anything. She had a moment of relief. Amy went back to the couch, wondering whether that creak had just been in her head. She threw on the robe and pulled it tight. She told herself that it was nothing. Probably just the house settling or a pipe making a weird noise. Whether she believed it was another thing entirely. She lay back on the couch and waited. Minutes ticked by. No more noises. The more time passed, the better she felt. She was able to recline. Her ears were still searching for any noise out of the ordinary, but she felt like she could actually begin to relax. As more time passed without incident, she began to feel the pressure building in her bladder. She had drunk a lot of wine for midafternoon, and she hadn't been to the bathroom in quite a while. She smiled to herself and let herself go. Amy flooded her diaper. The urine was wicked away from her skin and the diaper grew full, heavy, and warm. She lay her head back and basked in the feeling. It was so gross, naughty, and weirdly relaxing. She let her hand cup the outside of the diaper and shift the padding around. And that's when there was a knock at the door. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Amy bolted upright and yanked the robe tight around her. Shit. She stood, her diaper sagging and hanging low on her hips. Another knock. Shit. Who could it be? Amy hustled back over to the door, as quietly as she could manage. Her heart was racing and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't slow her breathing down. She looked out the window again. There was definitely a man on the front porch. He knocked again. SHIT! Amy was about to turn and go back up the stairs to get dressed when the man leaned over and looked through the window. He locked eyes with Amy. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! It was Joe Thompson. The next door neighbor. He waived at her. No choice now. Amy forced her way to the door and pulled it open just enough to stick her head through. "Hey Joe, how are you?" "Hey Amy, did I catch you at a bad time?" "N...no. Not at all!" Joe waited for half a beat, a little impatient, before asking. "So... can I come in?" "Sure!" Amy said. A little too eagerly. She had no idea why she said that. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the desire not to seem suspicious. Maybe it was the thrill of potentially being caught. Amy opened the door and let Joe inside. She adjusted the robe as Joe entered. He strolled in, and made his way over to the kitchen. "I've been meaning to check up on you. The other night, I could have sworn I saw someone messing around with your front porch. I couldn't tell though. Did you have a break in?" Amy's mind swam. Stupid alcohol. She couldn't think straight. "No..." she muttered. She played with the tie on her robe and triple checked to make sure it was secure. "I didn't think so. It's real easy for anything to play tricks on these old eyes." Was he insinuating something? Had he actually seen her the other night? Was this his way of letting her know that he caught her? Amy couldn't think of how she might coax that information out of him. "Don't get old kid. Getting old sucks. Stay young as long as you can." That definitely seemed like a hint that he could know about the diapers. Then again, she'd heard variations of that from older folks her entire life. "I'll do my best." Joe had launched into some anecdote about how bad his eyes were getting, but Amy struggled to pay attention. Her mind was fixated on the possibility being caught. Whether she had already been caught. The diaper that was crinkling between her legs. Her thoughts raced and her breathing was heavy. She felt overheated. Overwhelmed. Joe's eyes locked on hers and his expression changed from friendly neighborly banter to concern. "You alright there?" "Yea... uh... I..." It was at that moment that Amy heard the garage door open. Her heart leapt into her chest. OH FUCK. That had to be James. What was he doing home early?! Amy's eyes were wide. She could tell by the look on Joe's face that she was very clearly panicking. "Are you ok Amy? Is everything alright?" "You need to leave. You need to leave right now." "Ok...." Joe was clearly suspicious. "Are you sure you're alright?" "Yes. Please go." Joe nodded reluctantly and hobbled to the front door. "No problem. But if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to reach out, okay?" "Thanks Joe." Amy's hands were instinctively covering her crotch. She felt naked. Exposed. She heard the door shut behind Joe. James would be in at any second. And she was wearing nothing but a wet diaper and a robe. She tried slowing her mind and calming herself. Everything was alright. She could still hide the evidence. Amy rushed to the couch and grabbed her discarded panties, stuffing them into the robe's pocket. No time to worry about whether Joe had seen them too. She didn't have time to dispose of the diaper. The car door slammed shut and James fumbled with the lock. Amy adjusted the waistband of the diaper -- which had slipped a little too low on her hips under the added weight. The door opened and James strolled in. She felt like the kid caught with hands in the cookie jar. James didn't seem to notice anything amiss. He barely even glanced at her. He threw his coat over a nearby chair and hung his keys by the door. He looked relaxed. Even a bit happy. When he had kicked off his shoes, he finally met her gaze. "Hey," was all he had to say. "Hey," Amy replied. The awkwardness hung thick in the air. "What are oud doing home so early?" "I wanted to surprise you. I didn't really get to see you at all last night or this morning. Did it work?" Amy blushed and looked away. It was almost romantic. Definitely disarming. Where had this James been? "You definitely surprised me." She glanced back up at him, unsure of what to say next. She hoped that he was oblivious enough not to notice how nervous she was. "Ya know... I felt bad about last night. I tried waiting up for you but I fell asleep. And I didn't want to wake you up this morning. How was your time out?" Shame ripped straight through Amy. All the time she spent fuming about how much he didn't care. All the guilt she felt for giving into her urges. And here she was, standing before him, wearing a piss-soaked diaper. Like a rebellious little shit. Her heart cracked under the emotional weight. She could feel a sob rising in her throat. But she swallowed it down. "It was nice. Thank you for asking." James could definitely tell something was up. He just couldn't tell what it was. She could read the concern on his face plain as day. He approached slowly, and kissed her forehead. "You know I've kinda sucked as a husband recently. Work has just been so... crazy." His arms wrapped around her, and she tensed under his touch. The diaper felt heavy between her legs. She was just waiting for him to try to cup her butt and discover her secret. "How was your day?" His hand found the small of her back. Amy suppressed the urge to shake. He was inches from her diaper. "It was good." James pulled back and looked her up and down, his eyes landing on her cleavage. "You're not wearing anything under that robe, are you?" Amy's heart skipped a beat. "No, I'm not." She lied. "I just didn't feel like getting dressed today." That part was true. "Well in that case..." James said, his hand moved from her back to the front of her robe. His fingers toyed with the neckline, grazing her breasts and starting to pull the robe open. Amy grabbed his hands to stop him. He looked confused, then a bit frustrated, and then tried to tug the robe open again. Amy resisted. Hard. "James..." she breathed. James pulled back. "I... I can't." "What's wrong?" "Nothing... I... I just need to get ready. Then we can do whatever you want." The answer satisfied him. For a brief moment, he seemed a bit annoyed that he had been spontaneously sexy and cute, and she had refused his advances. Amy felt devastated. This is what she had hoped for. For months. And she'd ruined the moment. He was pursuing her. He wanted her. And she had to be the one turning him down. Because she had been selfish. Because she had put on a diaper. Amy threw her arms around him. Squeezed him tight. She needed to let him know this wasn't his fault. That she loved him. She felt his arms pull her closer. His hands found her lower back. For just this one moment, Amy let herself give up caring whether he found out about her diaper. She clung to him, feeling guilty and ashamed. She knew she should tell him the truth -- but she couldn't. Maybe if his hands found them... She stayed silent. But his hands stayed put. They never wandered. One part of her felt relief. Another part felt guilt. She would keep this secret a little longer. She let him comfort her, even though she didn't deserve it. After a few moments, Amy pulled away and wiped her eyes. "Alright. Let me go upstairs and get ready. I'll call for you." James nodded. He looked confused, but was going along with it. Amy headed upstairs. As she reached the top step, she felt her diaper shift between her legs. It was so full that it felt like it might fall off at any moment. She quickened her pace, eager to get to the bathroom and clean herself up. She entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her, locking it. Relief washed over her, for the first time since Joe knocked on the door. Amy leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor. She breathed like a weight had been lifted off her chest. That was close. Way too close. Her diaper was getting cold and clammy. Disgust rose in her chest. How could she do this? What if James had seen her like this? What if Joe did? She had been horny and reckless. She opened her robe and slowly peeled off the tapes, trying to muffle their tearing sound. As soon as it released, her diaper flopped forward to the floor. She could feel the cold clarity of reality slap her in the face. She risked throwing away her marriage for a piss-soaked rag strapped around her pussy. How could she do this? Never again. Never. Amy balled up the diaper and glanced at the trash can. There was no way she could hide it in there. She pulled open the vanity instead, rearranging some of the cleaning supplies to hide the diaper. James didn't clean the bathroom, and she prayed he didn't start tonight. Her butt was sticky on the floor. She stood and looked for something to clean herself with. She didn't have any wet wipes -- those were downstairs with her diaper stash. She ran some toilet paper under water. It wasn't effective, but it would have to do. She pulled her robe together again, and threw her hair up in a messy bun. Amy couldn't even look at herself in the mirror. Amy went back to the bedroom and pulled open her lingerie drawer. The first set she found was the emerald corset and thong that she had found when she first met Rachel. She sighed and pulled it on. It fit like a dream. Amy descended the stairs and saw James before he saw her. It was in that moment that Amy realized that James had never seen her in this before. His eyes met hers, and then fell to take in her body. His eyes widened, and a smile spread across his face. "You look beautiful." Amy blushed and coy smile graced her lips. "Thank you," she said softly. James rose to great her, and gently took her by the hips. He walked around her, eyes never leaving her cleavage. He guided her to the couch, and they both sank into the cushions. Amy leaned into him, feeling safe and comforted. "I'm sorry for earlier," James said. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I know you're not ready for that yet. I thought that, given how often you were asking..." Amy looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. "It's not your fault," she said. "It's mine..." her voice trailed off. She didn't know how to elaborate. James nodded understandingly. "I get it. It's okay to be confused. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. We can take things as slow as you need. I love you, Amy." Amy felt a surge of emotion at his words. She loved him too, so much. But she also felt guilty, knowing that she had been keeping secrets from him. "I love you too," she said, her voice trembling. "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately." James squeezed her hand. "Don't apologize. We all go through tough times. Just know that I'm here to support you, okay?" Amy nodded, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. She leaned into James's embrace, letting herself be comforted by his presence.

I do get pleasure from wearing a diaper, but it’s more because it’s like a chastity device to us, a symbol of devotion and exclusivity with my wife. My d*** only belongs inside her or behind thick padding. The thick padding is the foreplay, what builds anticipation. After lovemaking, I’m well aware I’m to be taped up and padded again just so my wife can keep me all to herself and so I don’t forget who owns me lol. I’m not supposed to cum anywhere except inside my wife lol and I love it That’s sort of our headspace when we’re in diaper mode 😅 We’re not always in diaper mode, but my goodness, the forced chastity thing builds up the sexual tension like hell lol