Rainbow Diapers

70. The Last Early Start When Tess woke up on that Friday morning, she knew right away that something was different. Today was special. It took a second or two before her brain fully kicked into gear, and she knew that it was the last school day of the year, a day that almost no work would get done. Most of the classes would be taken up by saying goodbye to friends who she might not see until classes resumed in January, and many reminders that they had homework to do over the next two and a half weeks. Tess sighed, already not looking forward to the homework. But after a little thought, she concluded that everything would feel better after she woke up. She sat up in bed and quickly checked her diaper. Wet again, she realised with a slight blush. But it didn’t matter that much. It didn’t mean she was a baby; she could blame it on drinking too much last night. Yesterday at school had finished with a history exam, which she’d found more stressful than most just because she could hear students laughing and getting no work done elsewhere in the building. And when she came home, Gabby had seemed to sense the stress and had been more than willing to share a couple of bottles. Tess knew she had drunk too much; there was an unpleasant taste in her mouth, and a little discomfort behind her eyes when she turned the light on. So that was the only reason why she was wet. She tried to ignore memories of the weeks when she had refused to touch alcohol at all, even a single glass with dinner, trying to disprove that theory before she resorted to wearing diapers. She didn’t talk much over breakfast, still thinking about the day ahead. She was glad to be free of work for a while, free to do whatever she wanted. She was excited about travelling to San Lornezo to see where her parents were living now. But it was hard to be enthusiastic when she knew that she had little opportunity to see her friends outside of school, and it would take so much more effort to get to see people over the break. Everyone had their own plans. “Are you okay, baby?” Gabby asked, and Tess just nodded. In case more clarification was needed, she glanced over at a couple of empty bottles standing on the counter. And then some instinct told her that her cousin was thinking of treating her like a little kid. Gabby really seemed to think it was a good way to take away stress, but Tess wasn’t so enthusiastic; and it certainly wouldn’t have been appropriate today, when her silence was due as much to a slight headache as any emotional turmoil. “Not the headspace thing,” she mumbled. “Not today. I’m relaxed enough, just got a bit of a headache.” “Okay, dear. I’m sure you know best.” But somewhere behind her, Tess heard a sound that could easily have been a pacifier being dropped back into a drawer. Gabby came back to the table with the coffee pot in her hand instead, and refilled Tess’s mug. “Maybe some caffeine will help you to wake up. But be careful you don’t drink too much. Do you want a lift to Raybridge today? I’ve got some last minute shopping to do.” “Maybe,” Tess mumbled, and raised the mug to her mouth again. It emptied almost as quickly the second time, and maybe it was her imagination but Tess felt like her head was really clearing. “I should be going soon, anyway. Just one more cup while I finish my breakfast.” “Okay. Did you speak to your parents yet? They suggested on Sunday that I can book flights for you, if you still want to go back to San Lorenzo for Christmas. Easier for us to do it, so we’ve not got people in different time zones trying to work together on what’s a good price or a convenient time to go. I should have asked you earlier in the week, but I’ve been so burned out with work. I do hope it’s not too late to–” “Don’t worry,” Tess cut her off. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate. Mum emailed to say we should do that stuff, so I booked tickets and sent her a copy of the schedule so they know when to pick me up.” She looked up then, and found a reason to smile for a moment. It was the same pride she always felt on achieving something on her own. To Tess that had always been the biggest reward; satisfaction in seeing a task done well. And the fact that Gabby had procrastinated, to the point where she didn’t know if it was too late to book, meant that perhaps it wasn’t quite the simple procedure it had seemed to Tess. “When are you going? And where? I’ll check my work schedule so I can drive you. Do you need to sort out insurance and–” “It’s all sorted. Bus to Pine Ridge, or if you’re at work I can ask you to drop me off in Upper Ashfields. Train to Moistville, then the intercity express to Birmingham, and the airport shuttle goes straight from the station. Trust me, I got this. And I put the dates on the calendar already.” She pointed to a whiteboard calendar next to the back door, decorated with a mixed selection of magnets. Two cartoon planes were sitting a week apart on either side of Christmas Day, with the times written in wobbly handwriting underneath them. By the time breakfast was over, Tess felt like she had drunk a gallon of coffee, but at least it seemed to be clearing her head. She quickly checked her bag, making sure she had everything she would need for school. All that mattered today was a selection of gifts, little trinkets for all her friends. Once she was sure she had them all, she headed back downstairs. Gabby offered to drive her to school again, but Tess declined. She was pretty sure that the cold air and a brisk walk would help to dispel the after-effects of last night’s wine before she arrived at school, and there was no benefit to arriving before the people she wanted to see. But she did accept a travel mug, one last serving of coffee that would help to warm her hands on the journey.       Hope Tess's last day at school before Christmas goes well. What do you think?

Part 7 It’s a bit bizarre that I’ve known Terry for years, we’ve been best mates for most of that time and yet only now do I see him in a different light. I mean I’ve always liked him but, well, something has changed and I’d love for him to join me wearing some of these things I find comforting. I know he thinks they’re all a bit babyish but if only he understood just how wonderful they feel on; I desperately want to share that experience with him. We were once toddlers together - so why not again now?  Anyway, I’m sat on the floor in my room, naked apart from the nappy and colourful pants, the contents of the box scattered about and I’m loving all the toys and stuffies that surround me. I’d completely forgotten how amazing it was, sorry, is to run a toy car over my own body or make noises as I shuffle along on my knees to race a couple of them. The fun and intensity of sticking a few Lego bricks together at the start of some imaginative building design or simply disappearing back into a world of dinosaurs for no better reason than you can... it is fantastic... especially as I suck on my amazing fruity binkie. Now I was immersed in this world I couldn’t figure out how or why I spent so much time in front of the screen killing aliens. Later, mum knocked on the door and popped her head round. “Ah, there you are... thought you might have got lost in the attic... errr... what’s all this?” She entered my room and took in the mess of all my scattered old toys. I was sucking on my FruitiZucker and happily pushing some of my Dinky toy cars through the legs of a giant Stegosaurus. “Mum, ishn’t ish gwate... awl my ol’ shtuff ish awl pwitty coo...” I smiled around my dummy while I continued brum-bruming as I manoeuvred a Dinky American classic Chevrolet into a garage I’d built out of Lego. “Sweetheart,” there was a slight grimace on her face, not sure she understood a word I’d said, “you’ve forgotten to take Bruce for his evening walk... dad’s had to take him.” # I stood and watched for a while, his plastic clad bottom shuffling over the carpet as he pushed his toys around, he seemed so detached from reality but chirpy enough. Seeing him with a dummy, although that wasn’t new I was surprised that he was happy to suck on it so much. Still, Avril had said that the company had also been surprised at how comforting youngsters (and teens) had found them and many had readily taken to using one in moments when a little calmness might be useful. However, he’d been up here, in his room, on his own since teatime so I was a bit worried that... well... I’m not sure... School was over for the year and I expected him to try and find a part time job or something to keep him occupied over the long summer break but here he was, surrounded by his childhood toys and actually looking not only content but thoroughly enthralled playing with them all. I felt I should talk to Avril more because something just didn’t seem right. The trouble was, he seemed so happy that I didn’t want to ruin whatever it was that was making him feel good. Avril’s data collection project had become a significant part of John’s routine, especially considering his ongoing issues with wetting. It was actually me who had first got him involved, encouraging him at every opportunity to participate fully and to comply with whatever tasks or items were sent his way. At the time, I hadn’t quite realised how far things might go, or that it could start to get out of hand. Despite these concerns, John appeared to genuinely relish everything about the project. He delighted in the clothes provided, took pleasure in writing reviews, and found joy in all the special extras that arrived. His enthusiasm for the process was clear and persistent. Yet, for all the enjoyment and engagement, the underlying issue remained unchanged. John continued to wet himself, and if anything, these incidents had become more frequent and sometimes more severe, with messy accidents occurring more often than before.  But, and this is the main thing, none of it is bothering him. It’s like he’s accepted that there’s something wrong with his body that makes him pee and poo, and those in the know – doctor, pharmacist and me his mother – are all in agreement that nappies are the ideal treatment for whatever it is that ails him. For the moment I’ll park my worries, tomorrow he goes for his blood test so hopefully they’ll find something we can do to change the situation. Well at least I hope so. “OK sweetheart, I leave you to it but it’s getting late so don’t stay up all night. Remember, you’ve got your blood test tomorrow at 9.” “Oh hay” but was too blissfully involved in making sure a police car and fire truck didn’t crash, to be taking much notice, as in deep concentration, they careered around sharp corners on their way to an accident. His slinky padding bouncing up and down as he excitedly shoved his toys around the floor. # Next time I looked up and my bedside clock informed me that it was 00:23, I couldn’t believe I’d kept myself busy all that time. As I stood up I realised for the first time my nappy was full and soaked. I was in two minds what to do but I removed the soother that had kept me company for so long and put it next to a bunch of others on the dresser. I felt it was too late to change myself in the bathroom without waking mum or dad up so simply crawled into bed – loaded nappy or not - I was too tired to care. Besides, my plastic pants should be able to hold it all in. My dreams were colourful and fun and no one cared that I wore a nappy. I woke up to the sun streaming through my window but a nasty, pungent smell hung in the air. I couldn’t blame Bruce because he wasn’t in my room so wondered what the cause could be. I checked the clock, 6:24 but my cock and balls and bum felt quite itchy. I slipped my hand down and was greeted with a sloppy nappy and expanded plastic pants and then it dawned on me that I’d crapped myself. It was just a few seconds later that I looked around my room and noticed all my old toys scattered rather messily about and couldn’t quite comprehend what they were doing there. I tentatively tiptoed through the debris and made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up – I was quite disgusted at the mess both my nappy and genitals were in. In places I looked red raw and hoped a really good shower and after-shower lotion would ease the rather prickly sensation I was still experiencing. Once back in my room I felt a load better but still itched and sought something more powerful from the range of lotions and potions laid out on my cabinet top. There was a thick anti-rash cream I hoped would work and deftly spread it on and around everything in that area. My groin became a slippery white streaky mass of oily preventative cream, I just hoped I wasn’t too late in applying it. As I was doing that I was also trying to get my head around why my bedroom was full of old toys, had mum brought them down for some reason? Anyway, as soon as she’s up I’ll ask, in the meantime, I’ll give Bruce a treat and take him for an early ‘walkies’ after I’d got myself ready. It’s almost like I operate on automatic these days because I found a lovely thick fleecy nappy square, folded it and, because of my night time accident, added a nice extra booster pad. I’ve got quite deft at pinning myself tightly in and did like the large safety aspect of plastic duck heads on the pins. Also, and this is why I chose fabric as opposed to disposable; I love the bulk between my legs, it’s reassuring and cosy. There was a pair of plastic pants with bears on that grabbed my attention so scooted them up, whilst a pair of blue fleecy shorts and a matching sweatshirt finished off my combo. It was nice to be able to wake up Bruce for once and get his tail wagging excitedly as I opened the backdoor leading out into the garden. I grabbed his ‘well-drooled over’ tennis ball he loved to chase and I led him on the leash for the walk to the woods then released him so he could run free and sniff every tree he came to. The weight of my protection reminded me how much I relied on wearing a nappy these days and slowly my memory of the night before returned when I realised I was the culprit for all the mess in my room. I couldn’t quite recall the series of events that led to everything being brought down from the attic but I did remember looking at all the baby clothes and jokingly thinking I could probably still get into them. That had led me to grab a FruitiZucker and the rest was just play but I don’t remember at what exactly, just that I was having fun. A FruitiZucker? Mmmm, I could just do with that flavourful hit so reached into my pocket but I didn’t have one on me, just the ball, which I threw for Bruce to chase. I watched as he careered after it whilst it bounced down the track before disappearing into the undergrowth. It only took Bruce a few sniffy seconds to find and retrieve it before returning and depositing it at my feet to be thrown again. We did this a few times but wasn’t sure whether Bruce or I were loving it the most. Still, whilst my dog wagged his tail I suppose he was enjoying it, and, if I had one, I’d be wagging mine as well. At one point, and quite unintentionally, I could feel my nappy filling up because of the warmth surrounding my crotch. At the same moment I considered just how much I’d come to rely on padding to keep me from wetting my pants. As I continued my walk through the woods I began to take stock of why, a sixteen year old, should be happy and reliant on wearing a nappy like I did. I began to think about all the things I’d reviewed and was now wearing on a daily basis. Not only wearing but feeling pleased to be wearing it all, even the most juvenile of items, which I’d not given much thought to recently. I wore it because I had to review it... to me... it was as simple as that. I stroked the bulge under my shorts and felt the bulk of the material and the smoothness of the plastic pants and although I should have been horrified, I wasn’t, it all seemed so natural... as if... whether I was six months or sixteen, a boy should be wearing a nappy if that’s what was needed. The rest, well, it was all for my benefit... mum said this on several occasions...  and now it's available... so why not use it all? It felt weird that in just a matter of a few steps I could be both horrified about what I wore and also comforted by such items. In the end, as my nappy filled up, I was grateful for what it offered and the security my stout plastic pants gave me. Bruce was looking up at me expectantly and I realised I hadn’t thrown the ball for a while and had been deep in conversation with myself. No wonder he gave me a confused, head to one side, quizzical look that only a dog can produce. # It was still relatively early so, with the concern on Bruce’s face, I found a fallen tree and sat down to review these strange and conflicting feelings. Bruce took the opportunity to raise his leg and mark the log as his before wondering over and sniffing every other bush and tree in the vicinity. I may have a full nappy but I decided that, unlike last time, as he squatted down, I didn’t want to follow his example. A squirrel ran up a tree and I heard Bruce let out a low growl as if he was annoyed he hadn’t been able to chase it and whilst that was happening I was still running my hand over the smooth bulge in my shorts. I was taking time to think about my situation. I was trying to rationalise things. I wasn’t sure I knew what those things were but there was certainly something lurking at the back of my mind that needed some explanation. However, as always that slinky, smooth puffed out nappy was very comforting. This was more difficult than I thought it should be because of those conflicting and confusing feelings. I mean, I’d wet my pants and bedding - so needed help. Nappies were suggested and that seemed to make sense. Whilst I thought that the main reason for my damp mornings were the result of exam anxiety, it has since proved that is not necessarily the case because post exams and I still wet. In fact, my use and reliance on padding has increased... surely that can’t be down to the pharmacist’s involvement in my recovery? Mum had convinced me that between her and Avril they are only thinking of my welfare and yet... I now wore a nappy all the time and perhaps strangest of all, I wanted to wear one. I’d go as far as to say I’d feel naked if I wasn’t well protected and simply use its convenience when I see fit. No guilt, no worries, no desire to change that particular situation. In my head it now all seemed to make perfect sense, especially when the dummies were added – they completely relaxed me and let my mind wander to a pleasure area I didn’t know I still had - one of playful silliness and enjoyment. Again my head filled with the idea that at my age all this shouldn’t be happening but then I ran my hand over the silky warm swelling under my shorts and that seemed to prove it definitely should. That was something else... I wore shorts all the time... my jeans and trousers not getting a look in these days. I justified that by insisting I found shorts easier to wear because of the volume of my nappies. Weirdly, I also found they reminded me of my childhood, which was great, and that seemed to spur on my desire to keep wearing them. The thing I also discovered was that I loved everyone and everything. I hadn’t had a bad word to say about anyone or the new clothes I reviewed and, and, I knew mummy and daddy loved me, which was lovely because I loved them. Bruce had finished his area inspection and came over and rested his head on my knee for a ‘good boy’ rub. I was happy to offer it; there wasn’t much that he asked for but he was always at his handsomest when any of the family were showing him affection. I suddenly thought if that was similar to my own feelings – with all the attention, the clothes, the nappies, the praise for my reviews – am I reacting to all this new found appreciation? My mind drifted to what the locum doctor had said that there were others, well maybe but then it suddenly struck what it was I couldn’t remember, the blood test at 9am. Once again I ran my hand over the material that pushed out my shorts and rounded my genital area with comfortable mass. This had become my normal underwear and I liked it. I took a moment because, well, it seemed ridiculous that a lad my age would think this way but most of the time I don’t even think about it and when I do, it’s because I’m wet... so... Have I become an ‘attention seeker’? I don’t think I am though things have changed, but, if so, why am I so at ease with the way things are now? And what if the blood test discovers something and all this changes... do I really want that? # I was back home by 7:30 and both mummy and daddy, erm, mum and dad (not sure where that came from) were up and having breakfast. Mum asked if I wanted anything and I said I’d be down in a few minutes after I’d changed. She nodded and dad was licked by Bruce who wanted even more head rubs – bloody attention seeker. Back in my bedroom I checked my soggy nappy, I’d peed in it more than I thought so definitely needed to be replaced. I looked over at the pile of new FruitiZuckers that were available and although I was desperate for a nice suck I decided, that for the moment at least, I’d go without. I threw my soggy padding in the bin and, after a thorough wipe down and more lotion and powder applied, fitted myself into one of the nice new (and thick) disposables that looked pretty sweet with all the cartoon animals charging about all over it. For a brief moment it did cross my mind as to why I wasn’t putting on underpants but decided they were no different, underwear is underwear, so it didn’t matter – also I hadn’t worn briefs, boxers or trunks for quite some time. Once I’d chosen a fresh pair of clear plastic pants I felt more comfortable wearing a nappy... even if I was sixteen. “Mummy and Daddy?” Where, what, erm, why... but it didn’t seem inappropriate... well it did but...  I have to admit; there were more than a few times when I didn’t feel my age. I mean, I knew I was sixteen but my age didn’t seem to matter. I loved mum and dad; I loved the fact that my constantly dribbling cock had not stopped them caring or supporting me. I s’pose, I felt guilty at the beginning of all this, causing extra laundry and worry but now, well, wearing padding seems to have sorted things out. It’s only me who’s affected by my dribbling dick, only I know when it happens and because of nappies I have it under control so all is well. I mean, I’m possibly more affectionate than I was but I reasoned that was down to not having to worry about exams- though I’m not sure why. Most of the laundry was basically my fabric nappies drying out on the line. I often used the washer and hung them out so mum wasn’t always the one left to clean up after me. Having said that, sometimes I’d forget and the nappy hamper would get quite full and mum would then take charge. That was something else. I hadn’t really been aware of the changes and gaps in my memory until I saw all those toys in my room. It took me a while to remember it was me who’d brought them down from the attic and that I’d spent some time playing with them all. The thing is, I’m a bit fuzzy as to any kind of timescale. I assume it’s because I enter some kind of fun or happiness zone and all else – time and teenage thoughts – disappear whilst I’m in it. Ermmmm, now that I’m thinking it, that seems a daft idea. # Surprisingly, I was at the doctors for 9am and was the first in. Heather, the nurse who was on duty was all smiles and encouragement as she set out the needle and various little tubes to collect my blood. I’d also come armed with a specimen of my pee in a small plastic container, which she accepted without comment. However, “Now then John, you’ll feel a little prick...” I smiled at her attempt at making the situation less tense. I mean, I’ve had blood taken before but I must have looked nervous. “No need to worry but just make a fist and this will all be over in a moment.” She prodded and tapped my arm for a few seconds before deciding on the correct vein. I did feel a little prick but hardly, it was quick so looked down to see if she’d actually done it, only to see my blood flood into a small tube and realised that was part of me. Curiously I felt a little faint and uncomfortable, especially as a spurt of pee escaped into the nappy under my shorts. I just hoped she hadn’t noticed. “There you go, all done, no fuss and someone will no doubt phone with the results in a few days’ time.” She was correct. A small plaster later and I was on my way home after less than five minutes, the shortest time I’d ever been at the doctors. I was pleased to be walking home knowing I had the rest of the day to myself even if I did have a slight warm glow around my crotch. As I’ve said often, I don’t mind wearing a nappy. I prefer them not wet but if they are... so be it. So I began to wonder what the results of my blood test might be. They might find something so what type of cure would be needed and would I still be able to wear my nice padding. All the way home I felt the nice cushion of my nappy keeping me comfy and hoping that the doctor wouldn’t find anything so I could continue with how things are. Then I started thinking that surely, after all this time and with exams already completed, I should be past any anxiety, which meant, I shouldn’t be wetting at all. Wouldn’t everything be better if I no longer wet? And yet, the idea of not having nappies to wear was suddenly making me anxious. Did I really want to lose them? My bladder was reacting to the worry and I began to dribble into the thick padding - I’ll have to cut down on the fresh morning orange juice. # I’d seen the occasional look from mum like she’s not sure, but, because she’s constantly talking with Avril I assume that if there was anything wrong then she would have sorted it. Back in my bedroom I looked in the mirror and tried to take stock. The damp nappy wasn’t showing under my shorts but a new one would probably feel so much better. Once out of it and having had a second wipe down of the day I searched my stack of new arrivals and slipped on a style I didn’t think I’d worn before. WOW! I’m appreciating this new designed disposable because it’s very, very comfy. There’s a lovely soft hug with each step and when I get down on my knees to play with one of my toy cars, crawling around felt even nicer. That supple embrace as the new ruffled cuffs and waistband rubs my tummy and inner thighs is very stimulating and makes playing with each toy that much better. I made some notes for a future review before returning to the fun of my cars. Then Terry suddenly appeared at my bedroom door. I hadn’t heard mum or dad announce his arrival but he looked on with a huge smile on his face as he saw me deep in play.  # He flopped down next to me and slowly produced the FruitiZucker I’d given him before. “These are fantastic...” he slipped it between his lips and almost dreamlike, closed his eyes and began to suck. For a couple of minutes neither of us said anything he was somewhere else in his head and I was surprised at the change in personality of my best friend. It made me think, is it the dummy that’s changed his temperament or something else? It can’t be nappies because he hasn’t worn one but is it me...have I affected, or infected him? He opened his eyes but continued to suck as he took in all my toys. “Vish uks ike fon” and proceeded to grab a couple of Hot Wheels and, like I’d been doing, vrooming them around the carpet on his hands and knees. We’d been playing with various toys for a few minutes and occasionally he’d run one over my padded butt and chuckle as he did so “Ummm, dem r nice... ca a pry em on?” I was a bit stunned as not long ago he was dead against wearing such a thing. However, I thought he was just being typically Terry and a good friend by sharing my circumstances, so, didn’t see why not. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to some creeping doubts but I tried to dismiss them (whilst still enjoying playing with my toys). In spite of this, Terry, well, he was already pulling off his clothes as I pointed to the pile of new disposables on the top of my dresser. “Choose which ones you fancy.” I offered. It took him a few ums and ahs to decide but eventually focused on one similar to what I was wearing. “Cwan u elp ma wiv um?” He was standing naked with only a large yellow dummy being furiously sucked and held out the thick colourful disposables to help him in to. I’d seen Terry naked on many occasions at school and over the years but this was something completely new. I knew he was a ‘big boy’ you can’t help but notice and comment when in the changing room, but seeing it like this, well, it was strange. Of course, although stunned, I was more than happy to help my best mate into a lovely thick nappy and a style I personally found the comfiest of all I had. I was in two minds as to whether to pop in my own dummy but was still quite enthralled in making sure the tapes on Terry’s thick disposable were tight and held him nicely. Perhaps oddly, I wanted him to have the same pleasurable encounter I have when nappied, even if I didn’t know why I experienced such highs. Once on I got him to do a little spin so I could check it was not droopy or hung badly but I’d done a good job and he seemed very happy with the result. He hugged me, like he’d never done before and bumped our hips together as if we were saying ‘cheers’. He waddled over to the collection of stuffed toys and selected one. “Wash iz shame?”  I gazed in almost disbelief. I didn’t know why but he looked fantastic wearing a nappy. His tight muscular body was so much more developed than mine but yet, he looked splendid wearing one of my more exciting disposables. I suppose it was because now we both had one on and I wasn’t on my own any longer I felt closer than ever. Whatever the reason I was pleased and told him the stuffed toy was Barney Bunny, whose long ears and super-soft fur made him really wonderful pressed next to naked skin. Terry hugged him and the sweet but weirdly sexy image was imprinted for ever in my mind. He was enjoying sucking on his dummy, the pale yellow plastic cover looking like it was constantly vibrating. There was a smile behind it and his eyes were clear, if slightly unfocused, as he got used to all the new sensations. He started wriggling his body as if doing a little dance but then it suddenly occurred to me he was peeing into his new underwear. Once he’d finished and without any comment or acknowledgement to what had happened he got down on the floor and together we played with the Hot Wheels track I’d set up. His padded bottom looked at home as for the next hour or so our cars ran the track, doing 360 degree loops, leaping over chasms and zooming between the legs of various plastic dinosaurs. We were in a world of our own, two sixteen year old’s wearing thick but cute disposables and thoroughly enjoying ourselves on a very happy but juvenile level. I thought this was what good mates did and we were kids just enjoying ourselves, asking no permission and having no embarrassment about anything. To me at least there was a fundamental happiness in knowing that at last I wasn’t the only one wearing such a babyish garment. Our nappy clad bums making not the slightest difference to how we played. From behind his dummy Terry was making as much noise as me, screeching around corners with his cars, or making grunting and fighting noises as our dinos battled each other. Occasionally our playfighting was more silly and turned in to hugging and patting each other, which was really very nice. It was something we hadn’t really done with each other since we were kids but even then, I don’t remember being aware of wearing nappies. However, it felt special now... and I loved it. We pulled the duvet and pillows off the bed and made a ‘cave’ where we just sat looking at each other in the dark warmth and giggled before finding another game to play. My room was chaotic but alive and it was two kids, having the time of their lives that made it so. I could see Terry’s nappy had expanded quite a bit as he let his bladder go and I seemed to mirror exactly what he was doing. My nappy was equally as soaked but that didn’t stop us finding something else as we delved into the upturned toy box. We tumbled around, crawled about, stood, sat, lay and wriggled all over the carpet as we found new and fun things to occupy our imaginations. The cars and stuffies, planes, Lego and loads of other stuff I didn’t remember owning played its part in our fantastic toytown of fun. We were so immersed in what we were doing, whilst still sucking on our dummies, time, like inhibitions, seemed to fly away. It was all quite pleasurable until mum came up and stared in complete and utter disbelief. # “Terry your mum’s just called and, ermm, what the hell... uummm...?” Mum was lost for words as she not only took in the turmoil of my room but the two giggling kids responsible. What didn’t help was that behind his binkie Terry had a ridiculous grin and of course a nappy obviously in desperate need of a change. After all he’d been sat or crawling around in its wetness for a couple of hours so it was pretty well mashed by then. I just smiled at her but was quick with an explanation. “Terry didn’t want me to feel bad about being the only one wearing a nappy so volunteered to wear one as well... didn’t you Terry?” Terry was doing a little wiggle as he sat looking up at mum but was just sucking and didn’t appear to be that much engaged in what was going on as he reached for Barney to hug. Mum looked at us both and in that moment she seemed to make a decision. I could tell she didn’t believe me but noticed Terry’s expanded disposable. He followed her eyes and looked down at his full nappy as if seeing it for the first time then rubbed at the swollen material. “Terry,” mum spoke and probably because she’d done this many times recently with me, “do you need a nappy change?” She may not have accepted my excuse but I suppose she knew that leaving him in such a state for a long time might give him a rash. She looked at me with a sort of resignation, “I’ll sort you out later.” It was weird to watch as she had him lay out on my bed and, as she’d done many times with me before, untaped the soggy mass, wiped him down, rubbed in some lotion and finished with a powdery flourish. She didn’t seem thrown by Terry’s size or constant giggling. “OK Terry,” she was being her nicest self, “do you want to go home in a fresh nappy or wear your own undies?” He looked from one pile to the other and pointed to another of my special thick disposables. “Yuuummphh,” he tried to say something so mum just removed his dummy and asked him to speak clearly. “Are you sure?” I could see she wasn’t convinced. Then again, a naked sixteen year old wanting to wear a nappy wasn’t exactly new to her. However, she asked once more to be certain and his reply was much clearer. “Yes pwea... erm, please Mrs Benedict,” Mum didn’t look too sure but as he’d said that’s what he wanted and there was no guarantee he wouldn’t pee himself again, she acquiesced to his request. She unfolded and fluffed it up to give it some body. “Lift up.” He did. She quickly taped the pretty sweet disposable snugly around him with a flourish and patted it like she always did whenever she changed me. He reached for the return of his dummy but mum said he’d had enough of that for the time being and, despite him now wearing a fresh disposable, said she wanted him to be a good boy because he was wanted back at home. He looked a bit sad but, like me, he didn’t argue with an adult. She helped him with the rest of his clothes and then asked me if there were any more dummies in the room. I pointed to those on the dresser and she swept them up and into her cardigan pocket. She nodded in my direction, “No more dummies for you either.” She didn’t say why and I was a little sad that I hadn’t kept one for myself because I really wanted a quick suck at that moment. # There was something wrong. I’d suspected it for some time but seeing John and especially Terry acting like they were three year olds just brought it all into perspective. The thing I’d also noticed was that John behaved differently when he was sucking on a dummy, now I saw Terry with one in and he was acting completely out of character so guessed that may be part of the issue. If I took them away then I could see what difference that made to the situation... that is... before I confront Avril. The thing was and continues to be, John’s incontinence is not improving and rather than curing it we are simply finding more exotic ways to keep it contained. All this other stuff; the clothes, the onesies, the sleepers etc, etc, are unnecessary and I’ve been blinded by the entire operation from Avril and her suppliers in to thinking it was doing some good. I was pleased to be part of the campaign and saw how much John had enthusiastically thrown himself into it as well but this needs to stop. However, there might be a problem... John. He loves all this stuff and has come to rely on it to keep him comfortable and safe to such an extent that he hardly notices when he fills his nappies. It’s just something that happens he has no control over but is well wrapped in the best padding and protection available. If I do get him away from all this... what alternative can I offer because until the doctor comes up with a proper diagnosis that will sort out his dribbling bladder, his suggestion of a seeing a psychiatrist, whilst a last resort, might be just what he needs. However, until we decide one thing is for certain he’s still going to need a nappy. First things first though, I need him to think like a sixteen year old and not a toddler, which is a shame because he and Terry looked like they were really enjoying themselves playing with their childhood toys. # Mum had a look about her that I hadn’t seen before, she wasn’t happy about something though I didn’t know what. Of course she was hiding it reasonably well but once she had Terry dressed he was ushered downstairs and told to go straight home and not dawdle. It was like she was talking to a toddler but he’s the same age as me. Once she’d seen him on his way mum returned to my bedroom and patted the bed next to her for me to come and ‘talk’. I sat wriggling in my rather wonderful disposable thinking how lucky I am to be able to enjoy the comfort of such a lovely soft hug but mum is looking like she has something very serious to say. “It was lovely watching you and Terry play with your toys... but” she smiled which I returned, “erm, why was he wearing one of your nappies?” “I’d teased him about being scared to, you know, try one but today he wanted to.” I shrugged and carried on, “Because I’d been wearing them for a while now so he wondered what it felt like... don’t you think I should have let him?” Inside I thought I’d have been an awful friend if I hadn’t let him try, especially seeing as how keen he appeared but I could tell from mum’s answer she wasn’t as sure. “Mmmmm, maybe but Terry doesn’t come across as that type of friend... I think something else made him want to wear one.” “Really, what?” “That dummy he had in his mouth... that especially seemed out of character...” “But I gave him one to try because sucking on one relieves my anxiety and I know he’s under pressure at home to try and get into a Uni he doesn’t particularly want to go to.” “Ah, well, that may be so but... and this is why I’ve taken them away... I think there is something about those dummies that is altering the perspective of whoever uses them.” “Erm, I don’t know if...” “That’s the problem, you don’t see it but I’ve noticed the change in you when you suck on one and I’ve never noticed such weird behaviour from Terry in regards to anything so... if you don’t have them then we’ll see if that changes... okay?” “But I like the dummies, there very soothing and...” “That may be so sweetheart but I’m not satisfied that there isn’t something, and I’m not sure what just yet, but certainly, something isn’t quite right.” “But mummm...” “No love, I’ve made a decision and for the moment you’ll just have to bear with it until I know more but I’ll be going to see Avril tomorrow and ask about the...” “Mummy it isn’t fair,” I stamped and cried and acted like a little kid. I rolled around on the bed and had a temper tantrum, the likes of which I hadn’t had since a toddler. I continued this outburst for a few minute and despite mum trying to coax me back to being her sweet little angel I wasn’t happy and made more noise. I think she was trying to think of a way to placate me when she came up with something I certainly wasn’t anticipating – she spanked my nappied bottom and told me to calm down, get into bed and stay there until teatime because I was acting up and being very naughty. I didn’t want to but I was shocked and also didn’t want my bottom spanking again so crawled under the cover and cried myself to sleep. I wanted my dummy but I grabbed teddy instead and he helped calm me down. # I woke up as mum shook me from my surprising deep slumber and told me the evening meal was on the table so time to get up. I was a little disorientated and for a moment had no idea what day or time it was so mumbled something to the effect I was fine and I’d be there in a sec. I wriggled from under the covers and of course my nappy was completely soaked, which was not unusual after I’d been asleep but felt that there was something else that I’d forgotten about or had to do. I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to remember but taking a look around and seeing all the usual array of incontinence products didn’t help, it just reminded me that I was a sixteen year old bed wetter. However, I ran my hand over the swollen bulk and was grateful, and not for the first time, that at least I hadn’t soaked the bed. Running my hand over the dent in the mattress where I’d slept and realised I had in fact leaked and knew mum would be furious because that’s why I had to wear plastic pants and I hadn’t. I sighed in recognition of my failure. At the same time I saw all the toys, cars and stuffies lying at the other side of my bed and instantly remembered that Terry had been and we’d been playing and having fun with them. I sat up with a start as I also remembered that he was wearing a nappy, one of my thick and snug disposables and we were having a fantastic time before mum came and... She did or said something, I couldn’t remember and I paused for a moment to try and regain my thoughts. However, mum’s voice echoed up the stairs to get a move on or my food would get cold. So, reluctantly, and without changing my soaked nappy, pulled on a pair of slinky plastic pants, a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and made my way downstairs. Mum and dad had started their meal as I plonked myself down and looked at the colourful feast that mum had prepared - lasagne, broccoli, baby carrots and a couple of small roast potatoes. I didn’t say anything and neither did they but as I was so hungry I set about it with relish. After we’d finished I could tell they had something to discuss because dad looked most uncomfortable. “I think it’s time for us to review your situation,” mum started, “and I think we should start with what happened earlier between Terry and you.” “What do you mean?” I asked, suspicious of what she meant. “Well for a starter,” Mum wasn’t going to sugarcoat whatever she wanted to say and I suspect she already had her own answers so I’d better not try and fob her off, “What the hell was he doing wearing one of your nappies and sucking on a dummy... that isn’t Terry at all... and don’t try and tell me he was just ‘experimenting’ because I don’t think he had any idea what he was doing.” “Errrmmmm” I had no explanation because I remembered what we did and at the time it was fun and we were enjoying ourselves... but now... I also saw it as strange. “Sorry mum, but, well, I can’t explain except it seemed the right thing to do. I’d admitted to him that I wore nappies because I wet the bed and he just seemed curious, so...” and shrugged as if that was the full extent of what I knew. “Well love, you may not have noticed but I have...” “Noticed what?” “That when you suck on one of those dummies, you act more like a little kid.” I wriggled a little uncertain on my chair because now she’d said it out loud, I think she was correct. BUT, and this was something else, I hadn’t sucked on one for a while because she’d taken them away and I could actually think a little better. “But I’m still wetting...” “Yes, and that’s an ongoing problem which we’ll have to deal with, but I think all this other stuff... well...” “But I like all of it.” The words were out before I could censor myself. I curiously experienced a mental click and suddenly felt like a little kid not the sixteen year old I was moments earlier. Mum looked across at dad and then back at me. “I think that might be part of the problem. You’ve got so involved in what the pharmacy wanted...” Dad gave a little cough. “We’ve got involved in what Avril and the various companies wanted that maybe we’ve let things get out of hand and this is now not good for you.” She patted my arm as if consoling me that things were about to change. “But mum, dad, I still wet, I need to wear nappies. I WANT MY NAPPIES” For some reason I got quite distraught and shouted the last bit but dad just gave me a look and I immediately calmed down. Well, I didn’t calm down, I just stopped talking and began to fill up. My head filled with what might happen and I felt scared that soon I’d be back wearing normal underwear whilst still peeing my pants... and hated the thought. “I need my nappies,” I mumbled to anyone who could hear me through the sobs. “Yes love I know but... perhaps not all this other stuff. Maybe we just put all this other stuff away and let others do the reports and reviews for Avril, eh?” “But, but... I like, erm...” suddenly I felt even littler. What could I do or say? Mum and dad were taking things away that meant something to me. “It’s not fair.” I would have stomped my foot had I been standing. “Sorry son,” dad, who’d had very little to do with any of this over the weeks I’d been involved in it was speaking gently but was obviously worried about what had been going on. “Your mother’s right, you have changed and more or less regressed to being a little kid, more toddler than a healthy sixteen year old and that can’t be right, can it?” At that moment the problem was I felt like a toddler, even though, just a few moments earlier, I felt like a teenager... what the hell happened in those moments? Not only that, I was scanning around desperate to find a dummy to suck. “I want my DUMMY” I screeched. # tbc #

Starting the week off with another messy sunkiss, just pushed out a semi soft load which I can feel piled up in the seat of my nappy, the hot, sticky mess just touching as I stand here. 

It was about time to  remove hair again, so I put on hair removal cream, and then I did something you shouldn't do.... The manual says max 5 minutes, I normally do 10 minutes, but this time I did at least 15 minutes. Wasn't any problem at all when I washed off the cream, so I just put on baby oil and then a diaper and went on with my day. Until I released pee and it BURNED! Almost passed out in the  shower when putting water on the  balls.  Then I lathered Sudocrem on my balls, put  on a pullup and laid down.  First  time in many years that I have used the toilet for just pee.  At least I have no hair on my balls...

Yes, there is something extra satisfying to go about normal activities in a wet and messy diaper as if nothing unusual has happened. In fact, this morning I will get my morning exercise while still wearing my morning wet and poopie Little Kings diaper.