Unsure weather to come out

[PassiveRenegade]

Given few posts here not sure if there are many LGBT+ people around and sorry if this is in the wrong place.

I'm on the fence about coming out as bisexual and genderfluid to my family. (Dipers not included) my mistress knows but given my brother is gay and happly married and my family are happy for/tolerate him. But I'm not him and the family have always treated me very differently. There is a big age gap and while he has been very sucessfull in his life I'm just a disappointment.

I'm worried that if I come out my family will only see me as attention seeking or trying to coppy my brother. I nearly came out today but there just wasn't a right moment and I though it would be weird comming out at nearly 30 like an early midlife crises or something.

 

What were other people comming out situations like? Have some of you never come out? Is it bad that I think like how I do? 

 

The world is a scary place and I don't want to put more of a target for abuse on my head than I already have

[Snugglebear_69]

I came out as bi at 21, turns out I'm actually pan but the word didn't really exist back at that time, and I came out as genderfluid and polyamorous at 39 which was 7 years ago.

Coming out or not coming out isn't about what other think, it's about living how you want to live.

Some of family are supportive and others aren't. Some friends are very supportive and others are supportive but don't get it. 

I also do education and public speaking which has resulted in threats and assault. That said, I wouldn't change coming out because it was my choice, my life and it was what was right for me.

[PassiveRenegade]

16 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

I came out as bi at 21, turns out I'm actually pan but the word didn't really exist back at that time, and I came out as genderfluid and polyamorous at 39 which was 7 years ago.

Coming out or not coming out isn't about what other think, it's about living how you want to live.

Some of family are supportive and others aren't. Some friends are very supportive and others are supportive but don't get it. 

I also do education and public speaking which has resulted in threats and assault. That said, I wouldn't change coming out because it was my choice, my life and it was what was right for me.

Thank you for your response. 

 

I know everyone's situation is different and it needs to be right to the individual. I'm also aware that my life shouldn't be dictated by others but it's one thing to say it and another to do it. 

This is probably stupid to say but I comend you for coming out and being brave enough to handle the fallout. Having threats though your work sounds frightening. 

[Snugglebear_69]

I appreciate your words and I'll offer this thought back if I may. Coming out wasn't brave, just as not coming out isn't cowardly. Coming out was what I needed to do to I've in a way that was and us healthy. Things aren't great these days for people coming ouy but luckily they are still much better than they used to be.

You're right that saying some and doing something are two very different things. When I came out to my parents, both very strong Catholics, I was very worried about their reactions. The end result, my Dad's reaction was, "So" and my Mom just wanted me to be happy. On the flip side, I do a lot of counseling and have witnessed horror stories.

Bottom line is coming out has to be for the right reasons and those reasons are different person to person. If you want to chat feel free to reach out.

[Rachael-Little]

Coming out isn’t ever easy no matter the situation, my family just didn’t get it as they never saw my feminine side but that’s mostly because I hid it well.

My parents have passed now and now for the rest of my family I just don’t bring it up and I just try to be who they think I am when I’m around them which isn’t often 

Hope it works out for you

[WetBunny]

I am a trans woman, so my perspective is a little different, but I hope to answer your real question.  I do have gay friends who are married, but still haven't come out to their families.  (They have been together for decades!)

First, what do you hope to accomplish by coming out?  Are you seeking family approval?  From what you said, it sounds like you don't expect family support.  If your family is not supportive of you as a person, they would be unlikely to support this kind of reveal.

What kind of a role does your family play in your life?  It's one thing if you are close to them, but another if you feel that every visit is a chore.

Does your trust and do your feelings have meaning to them?  If not, you may be setting yourself up for an extremely negative reaction, because they have no investment in who you are.

If it helps, I came out in my late 50s.  Took me that long to figure myself out.  So, it's never too late.

What are the benefits to you if you do come out?  What are the cons?

Can you find a counselor?  These are hard issues to work through.

I realize these are more questions than answers, but I hope they are food for thought.

[DaveeBEd]

Unless you're pretty sure that your family has actually guessed that you're gay, then coming out is never easy and its different for everybody especially coming out to a father.

I knew I was gay from my early teens but hid it from everyone and I didn't fit the stereotype of how many gays were perceived by the straight community in the late 80s and early 90s so I don't believe anyone knew. I even had girlfriends and enjoyed my time with them but the relationships were all doomed as I knew I was living a lie and also wasn't great in bed with them.  In my early 20s I had my first gay encounter and came out to my mother when I was 25, I think my younger sister had guessed by then. My father had died when I was a young child.  Ultimately you have to live the life that makes you happy and not live purely to please others. 

My mother who has now passed never knew about my desire to wear diapers 24/7, it would be interesting to see if she took that as well as my being gay!

My sister whilst thinking I'm crazy is fully behind my D/L lifestyle although she has told me if I ever become incapable I shouldn't expect her to change my smelly diapers which I can't say I blame her for.

Anyway best wishes for whatever you decide to do.

[PassiveRenegade]

On 10/26/2025 at 3:25 PM, WetBunny said:

I am a trans woman, so my perspective is a little different, but I hope to answer your real question.  I do have gay friends who are married, but still haven't come out to their families.  (They have been together for decades!)

First, what do you hope to accomplish by coming out?  Are you seeking family approval?  From what you said, it sounds like you don't expect family support.  If your family is not supportive of you as a person, they would be unlikely to support this kind of reveal.

What kind of a role does your family play in your life?  It's one thing if you are close to them, but another if you feel that every visit is a chore.

Does your trust and do your feelings have meaning to them?  If not, you may be setting yourself up for an extremely negative reaction, because they have no investment in who you are.

If it helps, I came out in my late 50s.  Took me that long to figure myself out.  So, it's never too late.

What are the benefits to you if you do come out?  What are the cons?

Can you find a counselor?  These are hard issues to work through.

I realize these are more questions than answers, but I hope they are food for thought.

I will ponder your questions because right now im not really sure of the answers. Thank you

8 hours ago, DaveeBEd said:

Unless you're pretty sure that your family has actually guessed that you're gay, then coming out is never easy and its different for everybody especially coming out to a father.

I knew I was gay from my early teens but hid it from everyone and I didn't fit the stereotype of how many gays were perceived by the straight community in the late 80s and early 90s so I don't believe anyone knew. I even had girlfriends and enjoyed my time with them but the relationships were all doomed as I knew I was living a lie and also wasn't great in bed with them.  In my early 20s I had my first gay encounter and came out to my mother when I was 25, I think my younger sister had guessed by then. My father had died when I was a young child.  Ultimately you have to live the life that makes you happy and not live purely to please others. 

My mother who has now passed never knew about my desire to wear diapers 24/7, it would be interesting to see if she took that as well as my being gay!

My sister whilst thinking I'm crazy is fully behind my D/L lifestyle although she has told me if I ever become incapable I shouldn't expect her to change my smelly diapers which I can't say I blame her for.

Anyway best wishes for whatever you decide to do.

I do remember my mum commented on my male clothing and I think I muttered something about gender but it wasn't comming out. I know she said at the time she though something was there but when I tried approaching the subject again she had forgotten the previous conversation. 

Thank you for your response though. The more I read other people's experiences I think im just better off keeping it only online and thoes who need to know. Seems very little to benefit from opening up 

[WetBunny]

I tended to open up to the people I knew would support me, first.  Ultimately, I had no choice about coming out because of the drastic change in my appearance.  From what you have written, I am assuming you are AFAB and AFAB can get away with anything as far as wardrobe.  AMAB is much more tightly constrained in clothing and makeup choices.

That said, I have not come out to anyone about ABDL, because there is no real reason to at this point.

I do wish you well!  You have complicated decisions to make and taking your time to work through them can be a good approach!

[Young1]

Coming out is something up to you l, when you feel your comfortable enough to do so. Dont rush it. 

Though this era is alot more accepting. 

 

[ClaireWilson]

I'm transgender, and I came out as trans about 12~13 years ago, and have lived openly as Ms Wilson for some 11 years or so, but there are only a few people who know i wear nappies, but there are also very few people who know how often I wear purple knickers because it's largely none of their business.