Whelp after an impromptu urology visit, it's now in my medical chart that I wear diapers for incontinence and prefer it that way. Lots of big emotions.

[Enthusi]

I could write a novel about yesterday, but I will try to make this as brief as possible.   I ended up seeing a urologist yesterday for incontinence.   That was not the plan when I woke up yesterday.  I had a scheduled appointment with a different specialist for an unrelated issue and incontinence came up and that doc referred me to urology.   Incontinence was already in my chart and I previously declined urology referrals, but this was the second time so I figured I will keep getting referred until I go, so I agreed.  As it just so happens, there was an an opening that day.  

So I get to the urologist office. They take me back almost right away.  First they had me pee in a cup, which normally I wouldn't be able to do on command.  Though as luck would have it, I felt my bladder getting full and and I was able give a sample with relative ease.   Next the assistant had me raise my shirt and pull down my pants exposing my soaked diaper and she did a quick bladder scan.  I was feeling self conscious about how wet I was and so asked if I could change my diaper when she was done.  She suggested I wait until after the doctor is done because he will want to do a male exam.  Though she did ask if I needed a brief, but when she came back with a flimsy pull-up I told her I'm fine using one of my own diapers.  It was weird to discuss it so matter of factly with a medical person who didn't know me.  Though I figured it's urology and the appointment was specifically for incontinence. 

The urologist came in after that.  He was a nice guy, though rather plain spoken and blunt.  He asked a bunch of questions about my incontinence.  There was no use in lying to him and I didn't really have time to think about what to say.  So I told him the truth which was that even when I was fully toilet trained, I didn't feel comfortable with it and by the time I was a teenagerI made my way back to diapers.  Since then my bladder control has plummeted which is fine by me since I don't mind wearing diapers.  (I did leave out the ABDL and unpotty training stuff as that wasn't pertinent).   He kind of shrugged and said to each their own.   I asked him to use discretion in charting and he looked at me like a 3-headed alien and kept on going.   He then had me take off my diaper and did his exam and he suggested further bladder studies should I be interested in treatment, and then he sent me on my way. 

Afterwards I read the treatment note he wrote on my online medical chart.  To my dismay, he wrote that I prefer to wear diapers and don't want my incontinence treated.  It's not a lie, but it was not particularly flattering to see it in writing in my chart for any other provider to see.   I suppose I could ask him to remove it, though at this point I’m just going let this one go  

It wasn't until late in the evening after the panic attacks fizzled out that I felt a wave of relief and perhaps even joy. I realized that I never, ever have to worry about wearing a diaper in a medical setting again, for the rest of my life!!  From now on if anyone asks me why I have a diaper on, I just tell them it's in my chart and I've already seen a urologist for it.   I also realized that if I ever get hospitalized, I don't have to feel self conscious about asking to use a diaper instead of a bedside commode or worse, being catheterized.   I also don't have to worry if I get a UTI or bad diaper rash that needs treatment.   Frankly it's a huge RELIEF.

Plus the whole experience was strangely validating.  Even though my incontinence is psychological in origin, I didn't get any impression that that made it less legitimate.  I keep thinking about how I took off my diaper for the physical exam the doc threw a towel under me to catch any leaks, which I imagine he would've done for any patient he saw with bladder control issues.  In fact I was low key relieved he put a towel under me to catch leaks.  

TL;DR - For better or for worse, it's now in my chart that I prefer to wear diapers to manage my incontinence.  Though mostly for better.    

[maly]

It really does make life easier when the cat is medically out of the bag.

Maly.

[~Brian~]

@Enthusi

I guess I am lucky. I have Cerebral Palsy and that is a neurological disorder. I’m also lucky that CP can manifest itself in many different ways, in many different severities, and affect different body parts.  When I went into the doctors office in 2017 or 2018, I had talk to the doctor regarding whether I could get under pads for my chair. When I was working at work one day, I had someone actually pulled me aside and tell me that getting up out of my chair they could smell my chair cushion. I then went to the doctor, and I asked him about that, because I was sweating so much, that it Permeating the cushion and making it smell. I asked him for the underpass. He gave me a script for that, and then I asked him “What happens if I need diapers are I want them, I have CP and I think eventually I will need them.  The doctor told me “when you’re ready come see me I’ll take care of you”. So therefore I had the N right there, I just had to bite my time, and then turn around and ask him.

 I Ask the doctor to give me a script for diapers in 2019. Throughout the entire ordeal, they gave me these cheap prevail air “tabbed underwear” these things are so cheap they’re not even worse, or comparable to a diaper. You might as well put a bounty towels on your butt in order to use it.  I told the doctor that the Medicaid division wanted me to go to a “specialist” to determine how to “fix my incontinence”. I told the doctor that I did not want to fix anything. And that there was nothing wrong with me other than the fact that I wanted the diapers. I was having problems with diverticulitis IBS accidents, And fecal accidents with fecal urgency. I told the doctor that as far as I’m concerned I wanted him to write it so that he was making a “diagnosis as my medical professional, so there was no way in hell someone was going to doubt his medical opinion.”  I told The doctor and the Medicaid division that my “specialist“ was my medical doctor and he is more than medically qualified to determine incontinence if that’s what he thinks it is. I’ve asked him for this diagnosis, because I don’t want to end up with a situation where I will have accidents, and I won’t be able to deal with it. It’s called dignity my friend, and I know that you know about that. I wasn’t going to play games with the Medicaid division, and going to all these specialists because they don’t want to take out the big guns and use them. I have serval palsy, and sometimes I have had accidents, and I don’t want to continue to have accidents, and use cheap diapers to take care of something, which could be taken care of with good diapers.

I told the doctor in  no one certain terms, after having to go through months of using “bounty paper towel diapers,“ to deal with my incontinence, that I wanted it written so that I had the best diapers that we could get, that would take care of the problem, and in order to do that I would need him to write some thing that would make it sound and look like that I am “totally incontinent both ways“. This is the truth, but you have to write things when you want to get things done in ways that make it sound like you are 10 times worse than you actually are in order for someone to cover the expense. After having accidents for months, I grew tired of having to play games. The doctor wrote that the way he did so that there would be no question of my incontinence. I also had him go in and update my medical records to indicate incontinence both ways, so that the hospital will not be questioning me about using diapers, and neither will a rehab center should I end up being there. It is a very hard thing to do when you want to deal with incontinence one way, and the state wants to pay for all of the specialists to see if they can fix you. There’s nothing that they need to “fix“.

In the above example, we’re talking about incontinence. Imagine the silliness and stupidity and absurdity of having someone say to me: you have cerebral palsy so let’s go see a specialist and see if they can “fix it”. There’s nothing to fix, and as several of our user base have alluded to if you are in continent or you are a diaper lover or you are in a B, there’s nothing to fix. This is because we are not “broken“.

@~ashley~ in her ultimate wisdom put it very bluntly and very straightforward, and I will always remember this. She said “I am in continent, my plumbing does not work“ plain, simple, direct into the point. Just because they want you to go to a specialist, does not mean that you will be fixed, and just because you go to a specialist does not mean The Medicaid division is right. I am the patient, I am the consumer, and I say that I am in continent, and I say I’m sick and tired of having to worry about having accidents when I don’t have control. I would rather have a diaper on anyway. My main concern is, that my wife is full of stress, and some of it is caused by me, while other stuff is caused by others. I have always been taught that I should try to deal with the stress as best I can, and if I can remove some stress from my life, Then so be it. I applaud people who “take the bull by the horns” and ride this Merry go round, in their journey to incontinence.. In many ways, stress is one thing that we deal with: first as kids, and then with the help of adults we get through it, and then we deal with stress as adults, which we deal with every day. With All of the things that happen in our lives, Stress  happens, and there are times when you should worry about things, and there are things that you should not. Wearing diapers is not one of those things to worry about. It is the least of your worries, and with all of the stress I’ve been under, I am glad that I have the diapers, and I am glad that I’m able to deal with the situation in a way that is not stressful, and that I can deal with.

I have also been in pain for about two months: this is probably because of a combination of the C6 C7 nerve that has been pinched off, along with just having pain in my shoulders my arms my back and my collarbone. I even feel like my neck is too heavy, and that really sucks.  Sometimes I worry about what will happen to me in the next couple of months, because I will have to make a decision on what I will do once I complete the nerve study on my arm.

many of our user base of told me, and I have learned from experience that they go into “little space“ to deal with stress and other things that they can’t deal with in the adult world.  When you were a little space, you don’t half to worry about a thing, and you are able to wrap your head around things that happened as a little kid, and not have to worry about a thing. A diaper is that thing for me.  I don’t have to worry anymore about using it, wearing it, liking it, and it provides me security because I don’t have to worry about having accidents, and I will go one further:

@Ginger for example, likes Her diapers, and has decided that she is going to wear them 24 seven – it makes her feel good when she uses them, and elicits feelings that only she can describe. As I go through my journey, I’ understand what this is like   It would be like someone making the biggest yummiest cupcake and then bring it into the chat server and putting it on the table. Those that love that cupcake are going to be probably indulging in that cupcake because it makes them feel good, it tastes good, it smells good, etc. Diapers are the same way: they feel good, they look good, they work good, and they provide you “Security” in a strange world, in Covid times, when things look bad, feel bad, or when you have issues. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: DD and the people here are my online “family”. I just wish that I hadn’t waited almost 24 years to come to the realization that diapers actually feel good and help me.  @Evelyn Dellcerrolikes her poop, and she can tell you stories about what makes her feel good. Stories like this are many.  Diapers and other equipment can elicit responses that are like somebody giving you the best sex in your life. I guess that is the only way I can describe it. It may sound silly, but after talking to EVE and @Transfusionelleit makes sense: imagine if somebody that loves you are you love, does something to you to make you feel so good you were in heaven: that’s what it is: depending on how diapers are used, they make you feel good. And whatever you decide to do in them can also make you feel real good. Eve and Elle Our two individuals who I consider to be “pros” at this, and they have their ways of making themselves feel good.

I have accepted that I need diapers, that I use diapers, but I like diapers, and now, I try to add the fun part of it. Part of that is done by talking to people who have differing ways of having “fun“ and The other part is by reading and posting here on DD.

I do question the fact that a urologist would actually write into your record “wants to/prefers to wear diapers - does not want incontinence treated“.  If a medical professional looks at that on your medical records, they may believe that you are “lazy“ or otherwise unwilling to do that, but it is none of their business. But I would not have it written that way. I asked my doctor to make sure that it was written so that I would be able to prove to the state that I am in continent in both directions. Having it written as you describe is something that I would be totally shocked to see, because that could lead to a bunch of people Second guessing the diagnosis. I have CP: as I stated CP has underlying conditions or conditions that can go with it, that can get worse as you get older. Do you have your doctor write that in a medical record is almost like saying that you “give up” and don’t wanna do anything. This may be true, but I would not have it written that way – I had him write it so that any medical professional could see on my medical records that I am in continent, and therefore the state cannot tell me that I don’t need diapers. I need to be able to prove and I have proven medical necessity, and the way I had that taken care of will make sure that I have done so.

@EnthusiI am glad that you were able to or were able to have your doctor take care of that. However, I would be interested to find out what would happen if you had to go into a medical facility, and read that in your medical records. The way that comes off seems to say “is two years old, does not want to potty train, Will throw tantrum if asked to train“.   I think you can see my point: this statement is ridiculous, and I would hope that you do not have people give you the third degree, because of the way that is written.

in the end, it is your decision what you decide to do whether you wear diapers or not, and how you use them. None of us here on DD is going to tell you that you shouldn’t use diapers, or that you can’t use diapers, or that you don’t like them. That is up to you. However, when a doctor is asking you to tell him what’s going on, and he writes that as a diagnosis, it brings new meaning to totally ridiculous!

congratulations and good luck!

Brian

[ppdude]

I went through all the testing and such. It took a while to confirm what I already knew. They had no solutions except to replace the bladder sphincter  with either a "flip-open-tube" system or replacing it with a mechanical push button that would have to be pushed in order to pee. Guess what I opted for? I say diapers forever.

 

 

[Enthusi]

@~Brian~ Yeah I wish he wouldn’t have written it the way he did. I’m doing an experiment and giving it 6 months to a year. If by then no one comments on it then it’s smooth sailing.   Plus for what it’s worth I’m not going for benefits or anything.  I have no plan to get insurance to pay for my diapers or supplies.  
 

@ppdude - Yeah that sounds no fun. I agree diapers is the best option. In my case I wasn’t even looking for treatment. I went to see the urologist to get my other providers to stop referring me whenever I mention incontinence. Mission accomplished. 

[Little Sherri]

That's a huge step, @Enthusi, and I admire your bravery and willingness to be frank. I have worn diapers to medical appointments before, but they never came into the picture, other than one unfortunate occasion where I was scheduled for a scan and they gave me a transparent paper gown to wear, because of Covid, and I found myself standing in a waiting area, wearing, for all intents and purposes, just a diaper, which was glowing from the overhead florescent lights, through the paper gown. One of the attendants rushed over and gave me a second gown, which helped a bit. But nobody there cared what I was "in for".  Your story eclipses that! 

I have a urology appointment in the Spring and I have no idea yet how I am going to approach it. It is not actually related to incontinence (although I think my wife thinks it is?), but, if I show up there in a diaper, I imagine that the conversation will come around to that in short order. Where I go from there, I have not decided. 

My family doctor is due to retire within the next few years, so my plan was to find another doctor at that point, and then just say to them that I've been wearing diapers for ages (true), for reasons of unpredictable urgency,  and that I'm not looking to go digging into it, literally or figuratively. Hopefully they'll shrug, write it in the notes, and that will be that, but who knows. My current doctor has known me for 30 years so if I show up in his office in diapers he's going to want me to answer 50 questions about it and he'll want me to go see specialists. 

[oznl]

On 12/16/2021 at 7:06 AM, Enthusi said:

To my dismay, he wrote that I prefer to wear diapers and don't want my incontinence treated.  It's not a lie, but it was not particularly flattering to see it in writing in my chart for any other provider to see.   I suppose I could ask him to remove it, though at this point I’m just going let this one go 

Interesting.  Did he postulate a type or cause of incontinence?  Did he take steps to rule out something more sinister causing it?

I'm not a medico but I would have thought ideopathic incontinence in a youngish male would have rung a few bells.

Unplanned hospitalisation remains the #1 risk (no pun intended) for me right now.  I'm a bit half-baked on the incontinence front.  I suspect that if push came to shove, I'd just be an occasional bedwetter with daytime urgency and frequency issues: hardly flattering.  I really don't think there's anything going on with me to the seriousness that a uro should look at things yet.

[BabyBoi91]

So your urologist actually was basically saying “prefers to manage incontinence with diapers”…

 

the fact he also wrote “does not want their incontinence treated” means he diagnosed you as incontinent but that you declined medical treatment (aka meds or other interventions).

remembers, he’s a doctor, he gets paid to write meds and do surgeries. Diapers are like the least “preferred” management from urology perspective (because it manages, it doesn’t treat), but urologists know some people just prefer to manage it that way. 
 

So, yeah, he could have been a little more formal and say “prefers to manage with diapers” instead of “likes to wear diapers” but… the more important thing is your doctor wrote “does not want their incontinence treated.” 
 

that validated your diagnosis and that you willingly refused urological treatment — which is totally fine. Side effects and risky surgeries, there’s prolly nonABDLs who decline it too .

[sparklezBear]

Congratulations! As someone who also recently crossed this particular milestone, it's very much a relief. ☺️

[~Brian~]

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Brian