The Worst Month Of My Entire Life

[Mr. Sea Otter]

I am still relatively new around here, but I have shared a few posts and given my thoughts on a number of situations. I was pretty active up until about a month ago. Recent events in my life have made me want to take a lot of what I said back. I am in a really bad place in my life right now, and I have wanted to post this for a bit.

In early January my wife told me she was seriously thinking about getting a divorce. I was shocked, and immediately wanted to get counseling, which we did. Over the course of 4 sessions my wife made it clear that she was “no longer OK” with diapers and that she didn’t want to be married to a DL. This (obviously) hurt me really bad, but I was more confused than hurt. My wife has known about my DL side since we started dating more than 7 years ago. She has NEVER had a problem with it. And more confusingly, she said that she didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, and she didn’t think I should change. She just “didn’t want to be married to a DL anymore”. There were other things too, but the DL thing was “huge” and the main issue she told me. Obviously this messed me up bad. I felt I had failed in our marriage and that it was all my fault.

Then, on 1/25/07 the cell phone bill came.

$250 bucks!? WTF? I looked closer and it all became clear. I called her up and confronted her. She didn’t deny it. She was having an affair. She came home and told me everything. It was/is her thesis adviser! (she was getting a Master’s degree in history and the guy was her adviser). It gets worse. The guy is married too. And he has 2 little girls. The affair had been going on since early November.

At this point, she has moved out and is living with him. I am a total mess; counseling, crying, barely able to function at work etc etc. My self esteem is shot, my wife is living with another man, and my hope of finding another person who will accept a DL are next to nil. In short, my life totally sucks.

I don’t want to make this too long of a post. I will add more at a later time. I just needed to put this out there and hope for kind words from other DLs.

Happy Valentines day everyone.

-Mr. Otter-

[Valentine]

I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Otter. A similar thing happened to my sister, her ex had an affair and filed for a divorce after over 20 years of marriage. My only advice is to be sure to have the counselor testify about her not seeing anything wrong about it.

I hope things turn out for the best.

[enfant]

That was incredibly cruel of her. She wanted to divorce you for her own reasons, and claimed that your fetish was the issue in order to make it your fault instead of hers. It's bad enough that it's dishonest, but it also hurts you in what is, for most of us, a really vulnerable place, and attacks one of your sources of comfort. What an awful thing to do.

I wish I knew something to say that would make you feel better, but the truth is, it's going to hurt for a long time. It will get better, though. I'm really sorry you have to go through the pain. For whatever it's worth to have the support of people in an online forum like this one... you have mine.

[diapercj]

I could give you a bunch of that "Silver Lining" nonsense, but I know that, when you feel the way you do right now, it doesnt mean crap. All I can say is that Im sorry, and thats just the hand life deals us all once in a while (just sometimes different flavors of crap) But, you must know as well as I do, that all things get better as time passes. I may be young, but as Ive found throughout my short time on this planet, most things in my life, relative to how big they are, are usually forgotten about in about 2 years. Im sure you will meet someone else with time, but my advice for the time being is to find comfort in yourself. Become ok with yourself and by yourself again, and trust me, women will come flocking. To put it bluntly, when women get older and are divorced or still unmarried they are kind of in a state of despiration to find someone...anyone to spend their life with, so your chances of finding someone that is willing to look past your fetish are much greater now than ever before. I hope this helps man, and on behalf of everyone here, you have our support.

[Repaid1]

My words of Comfort probably won't be of any comfort to you as well, but if need be I'll pass them along. My first wife was totally AB aware at least of me as well. We were together for over 7 years, and then "Blam" just like you outta no where, divorce. For me it wasn't another man at least I never found out about any, she just turned to God, and I wasn't welcome in her life. Alot of things were tossed out into that court room, luckily it was just the Judge and our Lawyers. I actually Cried a few times as she brought up every hatefull thing she could think of. She finally admitted that because I was disabled in Desert Storm that I wasn't the man she Married anymore, the Judge told her she was the most dispicable person he had ever had infront of him in Years. He awarded me Everything, she even paid court costs.

Since then I have dated 20 or so women, all very willing to do the Mommy thing with me, but some had issues that I chose not to allow the situation to continue. To cut this short, I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary with my new Wife/Mommy and I couldn't be happier.

Hang in there the wounds may take awhile to heal, but they will, and you will find that special person you are looking for. My thoughts are with you during this time in your life.

[kilkenny90]

Hey Mr.Otter,

That really does stink. I was in a similiar isituation, My wife of 10 years left me for another family member. I was a mess for a long time. I couldn't do my job, I couldn't eat or sleep and was having panic attacks. For a few months I drank a lot and did a lot of drugs just to get away from myself. I would start fights at bars hoping that someone would beat me up. I ended up finding a therapist because my wife talked me into it, I thought this would get us back together, it didn't. I went to therapy weekly for 2 years and just took things slow. Everyday was a struggle but with time and learning about myself things are better. I guess I wrote this so you realize you're not alone. Don't look for a quick fix because that won't work. Time is the only thing that will help you to move on and feel better about yourself and where you are in life. I do believe that everthing happens for a reason even though I'm sure that reason isn't clear to you at this time. Good Luck and if you ever want to talk or vent just email me. Ken

[bobbyc]

Hi Sea Otter,

This is a big shock, especially since I feel I know you, just a little bit, after having read your website several years ago and because we even swapped a couple of emails. It seemed like you had found the perfect person and that you were both completely happy.

I don't want to pretend I've ever been in a similar situation - there are definitely older, wiser people in this forum who have 'been there'. I will say that you are a very kind person who built a website that has helped not only me and at least one other kid in this forum, but probably many others. You also gave me a lot of good advice and personal attention. You are a role model and leader for myself and others in the DL community. Be strong and don't even think about giving up.

You've helped me out before so please, count on me if you need someone to talk to - PM me or whatever.

[DollyDiaper]

It's always so sad hearing experiences like yours Mr Otter. And it's not a situation that's alien to me either. I know that I found the betrayal of trust was the hardest part to come to terms with. For me, any sex that was inevitably involved in the affair was almost irrelevant and peripheral to this broken trust. And that was probably the one thing that threatened to blight any future relationships for me.

We've 'trusted somebody with our life' and then we discover that s/he has been lying and deceiving us over a period of time. After we've dealt with the initial deep hurt and feelings of worthlessness, it's very difficult to move on without a great deal of cynicism and an inability/unwillingness to trust again. I'm still working on that one. But I've spent a lot of time reflecting on the relationship and have learnt a lot about myself in the process.

I don't wish to presume here, but I suspect you were also shocked (as I am) by the fact that the person your wife was having the affair with was someone in a position of power (her Thesis Adviser) and someone who has clearly abused that power?

Words seem pretty inadequate right now, but my thoughts are with you and I wish you well in your recovery. Time does heal - it's a horrible cliché, for sure, but I don't know how else to tell you that the pain will get easier and you will get better.

Dolly X

.......and trust me, women will come flocking. To put it bluntly, when women get older and are divorced or still unmarried they are kind of in a state of despiration to find someone...anyone to spend their life with, so your chances of finding someone that is willing to look past your fetish are much greater now than ever before.....

Since this is neither the time nor the place to deal with what you've written above diapercj, perhaps you'd be so kind as to start a thread on the subject where I (and I'm sure a number of others) will be able to answer this gross generalisation in full!

[Pipsqueak]

I'm so sorry that you're in such pain right now, Mr. Sea Otter. People can be incredibly cruel to one another. Hitting you where she knew you'd be most vulnerable, in order to cover up her affair, was a terrible thing to do. I know it will take a while to grieve the loss of the relationship and heal, but I hope things will be better for you in the future.

[onsie]

Mr Otter, I too feel your pain, its nice to see our community empathize with your situation. Remember time heels, keep true to your self and I believe happier times are a head. 1Z

[dldad]

I am truely sorry for you course of life events. As you have seen many here have also had tramatic life experiences. I, too, was there many years ago, and hard to swallow but time does help and having a large group here to ask for help or advice is something not avialable some years ago. There are many avenues to use to meet others and sometimes the slow road to a relationship can have its advantages. I had a large monthly phone bill for over a year with my now wife of 18 years this April 1st and no fooling. Get yourself in order then you have the opportunity and mental faculties to enter into any other relationship. Best of Luck. But remember to have fun, life is to short.

[Mr. Sea Otter]

To all who have written so far,

I can't tell you how nice it was to read everyone words. I wish there was more I could do, but given the limits of the internet, I am afraid that I sincere and heart felt thank you is all I can offer. Seriously, everyone, thank you!

One of the things that has been really hard for me was reopening an issue that I had long closed. Of course I am talking about diapers. I was very content with the role diapers played in my life, and then suddenly I found myself wondering if my kink had cost me my marriage. I found myself talking to a therapist trying to find out if I was "OK" for being the person I was. I have since come to believe, with the help of some of my friends who know about it, that there is nothing wrong with my wearing diapers. They are not an issue in my life, and they were NOT the cause of my marriage problems. I will continue to wear them as I see fit and anyone who has a problem with it can kiss my ass!

I know that it is going to take a long time for me to heal and move beyond this. I know there is no quick fix (but GOD how I wish there was). In reality, things are just getting started. There is still all the divorce crap to deal with, and I am going to be in emotional pain for a long time. Most places I have seen mention 2 years or so, although 1 place said 1 month for every year of your relationship, which would be better. Regardless, this is going to be a long road. Fortunately I am not alone on it. I have family and friends who are there for me. And you all too!

I just thought I would let people know that I am doing OK, all things considered. I have decided to use this period of my life as a catalyst to make myself a better person. Not that there was something wrong with me before. But there are some things in my life that could be improved and I intend to try to make my life better, instead or worse, as a result of this ordeal. I am NOT going to let this ruin my life. I am NOT going to quit! I will make it. I have a few goals, and for my own sake (it helps me make it more of a commitment) I thought I would share them: 1- start to exercise more. I have joined up with a water polo team (I used to play in high school) 2- I am going to start getting out more and spending much more time doing things and hanging out with friends. 3- I am going to start reading again. 4- I am going to get more music in my life. Perhaps there will be more to follow.

Again, thanks everyone. And please continue to share your thoughts and support. It really REALLY helps. If anybody has gone through a divorce and/or an affair and has any suggestions I am all ears. Books you read that helped? Techniques for dealing with the crud? Anything...

-Mr. Otter

[redneck diaper boy]

You are not the first person that this has happened to. I was married almost 10 years to my first wife. She knew of my incontinence before we got married. Three children later, she wants a divorce. The bitch tried to make an issue of my problem in court and the judge told her to"shut up".

To make a long story short, I wound up with my home and custody of my kids. The judge made her move out because she was leaving the home to have an affair.

Hold your head up. There is someone out there for you. You should not feel guilty. It is your wife that did the wrong thing.

Been there, done that.

My heart goes out to you.

RDB

I am still relatively new around here, but I have shared a few posts and given my thoughts on a number of situations. I was pretty active up until about a month ago. Recent events in my life have made me want to take a lot of what I said back. I am in a really bad place in my life right now, and I have wanted to post this for a bit.

In early January my wife told me she was seriously thinking about getting a divorce. I was shocked, and immediately wanted to get counseling, which we did. Over the course of 4 sessions my wife made it clear that she was “no longer OK

[jenniebear]

Dear Mr. Otter,

I have to admit that after your post I really felt unable to read anyones response. While i'm past that point in my life .... i have no desire to revisit it........The pain of divorce is not fun in any situation and add on top of that betrayal and fingers of the person you loved pointed accusingly at what is probably your most vulnerable and most sensitive "button" could only result in the deepest pain imaginable.

I struggled myself for a while overcoming a similiar betrayal....all i can say is........

There is life after divorce...i call my life now my "chance for a do-over"....

After realizing i was fine alone......i found myself able to be more confident and careful in the choosing of my future lifestyle, situations and mate....

life is never easy...and it's full challenges always.......no matter what point you are at in your life..........but believe me...........if you take your time...allow yourself to heal...think hard and wisely.................i believe you stand to find yourself in a fullfilling and joyous life...probably more than you ever imagined....

[DiaperBigBoy]

Sorry that happen man, but I just have one question? Is this what I have to look forward to when I get older, I'm only 24, and I feel my life is a quarter over. I don't think I could deal with a divorse like that.

Do you want me to find this guys tires and slash'em, or maybe I could sleep with that other guys wife. That would even the score right?

[superdiaperbaby]

Wow, I remember stumbling on your website and bookmarking it so that I would share it with my fiance. I have yet to share it, but it does make me think about things and how big of an impact being an AB has on a signifigant other. I still have thoughts about "should I put her through this" cause I know it was really hard for me to accept it and now I am asking someone else to accept it. (she knows but has yet to be immersed in my lifestyle) I feel bad for you and your situation and it lends more to my thinking of my future as a result. It looks like you've got the right attitude to have. Keep your head up. She is the one that committed adultery and not you. You have done nothing wrong. She is going to regret leaving you. Maybe not anytime soon, but towards the end of her life she will know. When God puts two people together, He means for them to stay together. But in your time of crisis look to Him and He will comfort you. Sorry again,

Super Diaper Baby

[bobbyc]

I'm glad to hear you've set goals to better yourself, SeaOtter. Just think of all this as a reason to grow stronger and become a better person. You are still a young guy and have the very best years ahead of you (I've heard the 30's are even better than the 20's). Life is full of bumps and hills and mountains and in the end it's all an amazing experience to have been through it all.

I love Jimmy Buffett, and I get a lot from his music -

"Some of it's magic,

Some of it tragic,

But I had a good life, all the way"

You have to take one with the other, I suppose.

[AndB]

Mr. Otter,

I remember enjoying your site back in the day as well, and reading about how your wife dealt with things. I thought you were soooo lucky. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about all this. It's started to worry me about my marriage!

I'm not going to give you an "inspriational" load of crap...but at least there are people who care about you out there!

[b0xer21]

man i thought i had things rough. thanks for sorting me out bro and helping me appreciate my situation. dude, holy jesus....good luck man. here's to a speedy recovery

[diaperwearntigger]

I'm a newlywed and have never been previously married before, and that is definitely one thing that is always in the back of my mind... esp the affair part and I accredit that to my father who had an affair and left my mom of 22 years. I saw what she went through and I know it was hard for her, very hard. People don't who go out and have affairs only think of themselves and do not realize what hurt they will bring on to their SO.... it was definitely wrong of her to have an affair, but it was even more wrong to use your diapers as an excuse to wanting to get a divorce. I know its hard for you, I can only imagine, however, I'm sure when your feeling of hurt and rejection has gone away you will realize you are BETTER off with her...anyone that can't take the blame for their actions without blaming someone else is better left alone.....and trust me as my grandmother has always said... what goes around comes around.... I truly believe that... I have truly seen that in my lifetime...and even though she is happy now... she won't be happy in the long run... I'm sure this is not the first affair this guy has had, and I'm sure she won't be his last....I'm sure he will be cheating on her soon, if he isn't already....

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but we all go through things for a reason.... and it will only make you stronger in the long run....and its WAY to early to be thinking about finding someone else to accpet the DL side of you.... you need to heal first, get your life back in order.... and then will you realize you are better off without her

[fairfaxdl]

Well it is obvious that she didn't have a problem with you being a DL. She was just trying to make her adultery ok by blameing it on you.

[Guest]

Mr. Sea Otter,

I just wanted to add my condolences to your situation. It sounds like your wife was being very unfair to you and I truly feel for you. Hang in there as best as you can!

[dogpiss]

Hey Otter,

You are living THE EXACT SAME THING that happened to me, albeit a decade ago. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. My first suggestion: get real-life friends. Get out socially with either sport, hobby or religious groups... get to places where there are women that you can get to know and chat-up. Get to know guys that might be able to set you up too. Getting friends, however, is CRITICAL, since I'm sure, as I did with mine, you made this girl your everything and likely discouraged you from having friends of your own... now you feel ruined. The bad things she says about you are nothing more than her projecting her faults and insecurities and trying to convince herself (and justify to herself) that what she is doing is right. You likely feel like you have been betrayed beyond belief, and you have. Not all women are like this... some are, but not all.

Also introduce the DL stuff SLOWLY. Only when you are about to "seal the deal" do you even consider bringing it up. Before then it's not necessary because your relationship hasn't reached that level of intimacy yet. Most of the women I've been with (admittedly not many) have been cool with the whole diaper thing if they truly care about me. My tip would be to say at first that you need diapers for medical reasons (not a total lie, because if I don't get to do DL I'd go nuts after a while!) and most women seem to be a lot more accepting. Then as the time seems right, go into more details, but take it slow. Some might flame me for saying this is dishonest, but I've found that this is a more subtle way of getting women you are in relationships with about your wearing diapers. I DO have a medical reason myself but I am also very much DL (AB not so much). So on this last bit, use your own judgment, but this has worked a couple of times for me with two VERY WONDERFUL women (two because the first one and I broke up sadly, but on good terms, over a long distance relationship).

I feel for ya, dawg! It hurts, it sucks, it's painful, but it may just be one of the best things that ever happens to you (I never thought I'd say that at the time, but a few years later I said it, 5 years later I believed it, 10 years later, there is ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND!!!) Also, when the time is right in a future relationship, you might mention that you've been burned and that if your partner wants to "punch out" that it would be only right and decent to to so before you get too emotionally involved. In addition you can get some schadenfreude out of the fact that if this guy she's with will do it for her, he'll do it to her! You will have some failures before you succeed, but take these as a learning opportunity and keep reminding yourself that in every new relationship you are "trading up" to something better. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but please think long-term and don't get mired in day-to-day despair. Chin up and keep positive... even though things are hard now, time will fly by and you'll find some wonderful girl who will be great beyond your comprehension.

Cheers and be well... it does and WILL be better soon,

DP

[Dill_Pickle]

To all who have written so far,

I can't tell you how nice it was to read everyone words. I wish there was more I could do, but given the limits of the internet, I am afraid that I sincere and heart felt thank you is all I can offer. Seriously, everyone, thank you!

Again, thanks everyone. And please continue to share your thoughts and support. It really REALLY helps. If anybody has gone through a divorce and/or an affair and has any suggestions I am all ears. Books you read that helped? Techniques for dealing with the crud? Anything...

-Mr. Otter

Mr Sea Otter:

Sorry to hear your marriage is gone....but you do realize you are in a position of power over your former partner, since what is going on is probably against university policy, and certainly against professor's wife's policy....however, the moral high ground in front of the judge is to not use these levers, as it will be obvious to a judge that she accepted you and has dumped you for her professor.

Dealing with the crud? It's been bad this year....put a squirt or two of lemon juice in every cup of water, gatorade, or juice you drink, if you feel like it, tea with honey and lemon is good.

Even Dear Abby warns about getting together with someone immediately. Take care of yourself, enjoy your diapers, go, make friends (find the hiking club if you can hike, that will make you fit). If things are really bad, you might want to talk to a shrink...but do, do talk to a lawyer. I don't know what the divorce laws are, but your best outcome is to end up with the house and kids, if any, and it sounds like you have a very good shot at it from what others have said. In my own life, when the time came, there was no marriage certificate and no house, so moving out was all that was required.

Take care,

Dill Pickle

P.S. I still have some bad habits from that breakup, which was almost a dozen years ago. And if that ex ever comes into my life, she will get a "no trespassing" in a heartbeat, followed by whatever the cops say I need to do to get a restraining order. Not that it has to be that way...Both my wife and I are friendly with her ex boyfriend, who is also "dad" to my wife's daughter, and I have done such things as helped with his house wiring and sent him to the ER when a melanoma in his eye started to detach his retina.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

I don't want to discourage further comments, but I have the impression that some are not aware that this topic was posted over a year ago. I'm sure much has changed since then...