Lonely

[DailyDi]

I'm lonely. It feels stupid even as I write it. I am surrounded by thousands of members and people with like interests, but I feel completely alone. I get literally thousands of emails a day...but they are notifications and reports and support requests mixed with the occasional hateful rant about what a terrible person I am over some action the mods had to take. Not one ' hey how are you doing?'

A few people I would call friends have given me phone numbers for if I need to talk... But I've never been comfortable on phones and find reaching out when I know how dark a mood I am in too desperate to bear.

I've had some really good close friends, but they got in relationships or otherwise decided to give up the lifestyle, and walking away from the site to them means walking away from the guy behind it so there's less temptation to turn back. I understand it, but it hurts that I can be so easily tossed aside.

People have their own stuff to deal with. I get it.

But here I am fighting another round of depression. On the first night of those terrible first two weeks when you've come off one medication that wasn't working anymore and waiting for the new one to hopefully begin to work. Crying silently behind a locked door because though I don't like alone I know the people on the other side can neither handle the darkness nor are able to add any light. Sure you can and will make it through the night but wondering if tomorrow is really worth fighting for.

Alone.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Dr_J]

Many a nights I feel the same way, friend.

[babylin]

Seems you are confusing being alone and being lonely.

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

Dailydi, & Dr_J,

[heartwood]

You can come over to my house.

[BabyGizmo]

As somone with the same issue, i feel for you. Oddly enough, And maybe this is just me, but any time i have thought to speak to you, it feel like it is out of my reach. sometimes being the boss makes you seem out of reach for alot of people.

[heartwood]

I have never sought out pro help and have never taken any meds. If I run outa weed I'm a real bad Debbie Downer, but we all know how fix that;) It don't work for everybody but has kept my head above water.

[Dill_Pickle]

DailyDi:

You would not believe how much support I get out of this site.

[Little Girl Milly]

I feel the same as OP, and presumably tons of members here. I can't sleep right now because I keep thinking of how alone I feel and it hurts

[DailyDi]

Still pretty down, and not sleeping well. Plus a little sick from new-med adjustment.

[Dill_Pickle]

Get outside, get sun, get exercise!

[DailyDi]

Out today. Flea mall shopping. Found a new friend.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[square_duck]

Now who in their right (or left) mind would be out shopping for fleas??? Heck...go into the woods and I am sure you can pick up a nice batch for free...

Hope you're doing better and the weather is nice out that way!

[babyleanna75]

Daily Diapers I could post the same posts except I dont get any emails iiam lonely all the time and I am a reclusive so I dont go out much and stay home. Cute friend I hope the fleas didnt come with it.

[Dubious]

Here is something to cheer you up

[sonofninasayers]

That is a cute and adorable toy that you have got, but you know

[square_duck]

Above post hidden as the language was not supportive of a forum where depression is being discussed.

[Zander]

Above post hidden as the language was not supportive of a forum where depression is being discussed.

[DailyDi]

Zander, maybe try being nicer in your advice on a mental-health forum topic?

[BabyGizmo]

Lonlyness can happen even if you have people all around you. making suggestions isnt the way to go, sending support in positive feeling and kind words. nobody depressed wants to hear " Do this, it makes it better" it doesnt help.

[Dill_Pickle]

Zander:

Those things seem to work for you...now, I am going to make you too tired to try any of them, that is where Daily Di was a few days ago.

[DiaperPony]

I can relate to being right in the middle of everything, but still totally alone. Not at the same scale as yours, though, so I won't pretend like I am in your shoes. I started a brony group in my city years ago not just because I enjoyed the show, but because I wanted to connect with people and try to overcome my social anxiety. However, it did not work out at all like I had hoped.

Oh, I am great at running things and keeping things rolling forward, and I see people making genuine friendships all around me, but none with me. I am acknowledged for what I am doing, but that's as far as it goes. When I see a pic of some of them hanging out randomly, I honestly feel jealous, because I wish it were me hanging out too. When I need help, suddenly nobody is there. When I implement a rule because someone was causing trouble, people throw a fit or try to ignore it. I feel like I give so much of myself, but I get so little back. When I start to feel like this, I feel so selfish, because I am looking for what I can get out of it, what's coming to me, why is it not coming to me? But, on the other hand, I gave so much, so why shouldn't I get something back?

Sometimes I feel like everyone is just using me, but I know it can't just be that (or I really hope not). Maybe it is something I do, or say, or the way I act (like my anxiety) that pushes people away. Sometimes I feel like I come off as a total jerk, even when I was just trying to express my opinion. Maybe they are jealous of my position, but I doubt it, because nobody seems to want to take over or help.

I have been on various meds, and some of them kinda helped with anxiety..but they made me feel so dead inside, not feeling very much, being able to be with people, but not really caring (I've tried so many too). Off the meds, I can be happy, or sad, I can feel alive, but I am alone and with no one to really talk to. Off the meds I can really give a lot, I can care, I actually want to do things.. but then nobody seems to care about me or can't stand to be around me.

I've talked to various psychologists too. I wanted them to tell me "you are screwed up.. you need to totally stop doing x because it drives people away and do y instead" but instead they just waste the time talking about specific situations and saying like it seemed like I was fine. But I am not fine. I didn't go to them and pay tons of money to just have a yes man. I can tell they don't really tell.

Sorry about going off about myself, I know this post was supposed to be about you, but on your site I am basically the person I am complaining about. I take enjoyment from your efforts in running this site, and I give nothing back. I really know nothing much about you, I haven't reached out to you, I haven't really tried to help you, I've accused you of idiotic things, I haven't cared, I haven't been there. For what it's worth, I apologize. Maybe it is just human nature to take advantage of someone who gives so much? I don't know.

I wish I had some great insight to share with you, to help you, because honestly I'd like to hear it myself.

[Dill_Pickle]

Oh my, Pony, this is * SUCH* a TERRIBLE place to hang out and look for help...why, you might just find something for yourself! What a tragedy that would be!

Maybe Silly Dilly the Pretentious Pickle will just bend your ear!

Seriously, you, and me, and DailyDi are all giving peoplle, not used to asking for things in return, and willing to work. I am here because of an isolation problem I have at work, and I get friendly social interaction in return for my writing, and a chance to be a gifted kid. I don't know what dailyDi is getting for his efforts. As for you, ask your group members, especially those who complain, for small efforts to improve whatever they complain about. Do it with a smile, and do a little less, just saying "but I am only one person". And try to spend some hangout time when everyone else is...just ask a few questions and let others talk.

I am not going to spell out my personal toolbox again tonight, but I did post it once.

[SquishyDragon]

DailyDi, I know how you feel. I recently lost some friends that were close to me over stupid reasons that I wont get into (a few might still visit this forum, but they mostly frequent Fetlife), and this happened 5 months ago and its very difficult for me to get over it even to this day. Since then, I have trouble sleeping probably 4-5 nights a week, I feel like a prisoner to my own depression. I get nervous when leaving the house, and feel very alone. I used to talk to lots of people and as soon as this incident happened, I just have my closest friend thats basically like a sister to me left to talk to on a daily basis as well as my blood family (but they know nothing about this part of my life, so I can't even begin to talk to them about what happened and why I feel so bleh).

[repetitivediaperwetter88]

I lost the only friend who is as into this as I am. I have my parents supporting me and my friends. For the fact that none of them know that my little side still misses him, it does feel a bit lonely, but here, there are other people with the same intrest that are supportive also. I still feel a bit down from time to time, but, I do things to get my mind off of him, it is still hard, but I am still here.