Love Of Diapers With A Disapproving Wife.

[youngdiaperlover]

I've given up wearing diapes and have thrown away my stash a few times, however I keep finding myself coming back to them. My wife finds the fact that I like to wear diapers repulsive. I did tell her in the past, she tried to be accepting, so I wore them a few times openly in front of her and to bed. Her disaproval took over, so my diaper wearing went back into hiding. So now I have this internal batle of giving into my desires or not. I've been wearing diapers to bed everyday this past week hoping I don't get caught. (I hadn't worn them in months) I'm also hoping I do get caught so my wife and I can revisit my diaper fetish, hoping for a change in beleif. I don't want to mess up my marriage.

Had anyone else been in this situation? Any advice?

[Fakename4me]

Yes, I am there... I have been for several years now.

My Wife does not approve of me wearing diapers. She does not understand why I would want to wear them. (I don't either...)

But she has come to the conclusion that it keeps me from going nutz.

We have what I call "The uneasy Truce". I get to wear when I want to as long I respect her needs also. And she does let me know when she thinks I am wearing too much... So I respect that and back off a bit.

And that is the key here. You have to respect her needs and wants and she has to respect your needs and wants.

You can bring it up to her, just don't push too hard.....

BTW, my wife and I have been working on this situation for something like 10 or 12 years now.....

[jbz2079]

Well actually what do you want to hear? You know your wife's feelings about you wearing diapers.

It's not as if she is suddenly going to change her mind about the subjects, as she has already made her feelings known.

I know just what it's like cause I've been there myself, as a lot of other people on this forum have too.

But you'll never force her to change her mind and wearing around her to chance her seeing you wearing is not going to draw her closer , Is it?

Best I can suggest is you both sit down and have a good talk about this and maybey you can both come to a comprimise and you get to wear as long as she is not involved.

You will achieve nothing by forcing the subject on her, in fact the complete opposite, so you really do need to talk.

[Jen Harris]

Don't let her catch you. Across both of my fetishes I've seen all kinds of people try that and it never works. Imagine she's jealous of your flirty coworker... Is the best way for her to get over it to catch you in bed? Uh, no. Especially after she already doesn't approve. It seems almost spiteful.

Anyway, my situation with my girlfriend of 3 years is similar.

At first she viewed diapers as a mild turnoff, a sort of annoying quirk, like you might view an annoying laugh or an ugly body part. Over time she came to resent them for a variety of reasons - my time spent hear being among them. To her it was an intimate part of me shared with others. To me, I felt a need to share and if she did not want to be involved, what choice did I have?

So for a long time diapers continued in semi-secret. Sometimes she'd bring it up when she's upset or ask me if I wore. Once she did catch me, and that caused a huge amount of anger. But recently, in part because of things I've done and set up for her, her opinion has improved, and she's hinted she might try them.

The truth is that you need to look at something like diapers in a broader context of how she feels about you. In my relationship how she feels about diapers is a pretty good barometer for the relationship overall.

If you want your wife to share diapers you really need to be a man for her in other areas. Given my name and pic (and that I met my gf on a site for crossdressers), it might sound silly. But what she wants in a partner is not fundamentally different for our shared kinks.

Give her what she wants - as a person. I don't mean showering her with gifts or "bribes". Show her that you are a responsible adult. Impress her with simple things, like making meals, going to work on time, keeping your room clean, maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Not "for her", but because you should do these things as a successful adult.

There are other things you can do to tip the scale in favor of diapers but changing the context in which she views you as #1. If you are Mr. Sexy Man, and hey you want to try diapers... that's one thing. If you're kind of annoying and she feels like she has to take care of you a lot already, well... it won't work. How she views diapers has so much to do with the context of you - that's what I'd focus on first.

And if it doesn't work, well, those are things you should be doing anyway.

Good luck.

[BrianWearsDiapers]

I've been through this situation too. My wife knew about my diaper fetish before we got married and embraced it. Encouraged me to wear them. However, once we were married, her feelings started to change and I would get dirty looks from her if I would put on a diaper or say that I was going to put on a diaper. Her offers to diaper me totally disappeared and if she walked into the bedroom as I was laying on the bed diapering myself she'd close the door and walk out. Once, I didn't tell her in advance that I had put on a diaper before we went out and she found out after the fact when we got home and she just looked at me and said "why?" The diapers were becoming a sore point between us and it really sucked for me cause there was no way I could stop wearing them.

We know how much we love to wear them, but no one else can understand. That's the conclusion I've come to. My wife and I have since divorced (diapers were among the issues but there were bigger issues. diapers were not the cause of the divorce) and I can now wear diapers as often as I want without criticism and dirty looks. It's nice not to have someone make you feel bad about something you love and need so much. Short of getting divorced, you're just going to have to ride out this nightmare. Best thing that can happen is that you have a job where you get to travel a bit and get some alone time to do your diaper thing.

[BabyLexi]

I'm guessing since you posted your story that you're open to opinions/thoughts. While I can understand your frustration you really have to ask yourself only one question. It's the question no married person wants to answer. At what price are you willing to pay to stay with your wife? As I recently said in a another post does your wife really "love" you? I have defined love as the unconditional acceptance of a persons faults, tribulations, and quirks.

[LILJIM]

I have been thru this too! Alittle from each post above reminds me of how things went for me. My wife knew about my AB/DL side before marrage & played along for awhile. But then backed away from it & wanted me to too. I'd quit wearing for awhile packing it all up till later. I knew from the past I couldn't STOP wearing; tried that before. LOL I also like wearing when we go somewhere sometimes. I'd get the LOOK & WHY when we got home. So one day I told her. It is part of me I cannot just give up; it helps me deal with life at times. You knew that before too. A few weeks back I got a delivery (of my 1st onsie a blue 1) later she threw up "I'm not sure WHY you have to order this stuff; It's not a turn-on!". I didnot say it but thought to myself "Maybe not for you but for me IT IS." We have other problems too. I know we have talked some about stuff but (The big talk) is still coming one day. Not sure when till then I can do more to help out around here. But with her not working or doing much for me & me tired of working 12hr shifts & not having anything to show for it; I'm not sure what will come out of it all. Up till now it has been a unspoken thing between us for years. I wear at times & she either Don't say a word or (sometimes) she will Smile & make a comment. When she isnot sure she will PAT my butt to see if I'm wearing. Giving me a smile or the LOOK again. Maybe like us you & her can talk it out & come up with something that works for both. Good-luck!!!

[youngdiaperlover]

Some very common themes in the posts above. Be honest with who I am and with who my wife is. Good communication is important. My wife loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is. Live a healthy life style and be responsible. Find out what she wants in me as her man. (It's exactly what bedwetter posted, being a responsible adult, and I am by the way.)

My wife and I have had a rough few years not relating to our marriage, but other factors like child bearing issues, which puts stress on us. I really don't feel comfortable in posting the details on this forum. I do understand her desires and stress she has been going through. I'm confident we will work through it and my desires and come to a resolution that works for us. In the meantime I know that I won't add too many stresses to our life at the same time. It's tough trying to decide how/when to address the issue.

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses.

[Amyuser]

Did you ever stop to think maybe she views your diaper's as "The Other Woman" competition for your love, because she feels like when you wear your diaper there is no chance in hell of anything romantically spontaneously happening because she is not going to take your diaper off to make love to you or to start a little foreplay leading wear ever it may??

maybe you need to have a "Date Night" in your marriage thats a special night of the week that is "Fetish Free" no kids around type of thing and you more or less just get into each other and do whatever you want for the whole night,Maybe surprise her treat her like a queen one night and worship her make a romantic dinner run a bath for her, watch her favorite movie together, and see where that leads maybe she will then surprze you on a night , maybe even with a fresh diaper.

Let her know she is not in competition with the diaper,You Love Her, whereas the Diaper makes you feel Secure and safe like when you where a kid (i'm not in your head this is just an example but tell her what the feelings associated with the diaper are , diapers are plastic and absorbent material that you throw away when done with you sure as hell did not exchange wedding Vows with it and you don't love something that does not even have a pulse, you may like it but it's not love.these are of course suggestions on how to make your marriage better and stronger and also may help Integrate your diaper needs with your marital and family obligations.

Nappy

[diaperpt]

I've told my story several times in the forums. I'd kept diapers a huge secret for years until my stash of dirty diapers was found before I could take them to the dump. I fessed up and slept in the spare room for a couple nights. That was far better than I expected! Then she insisted I see a psychiatrist - not just a psychologist, etc. I've been in therapy for almost a year and a half, not so much for the diapers but because the diapers are just part of a bigger problem stemming from my childhood and maybe infancy. Therapy went past the diaper issue almost immediately and onto the bigger issues which have begun to improve.

For my wife, I'd tried to make a clean break with diapers and did for several months but couldn't stay away. She was very upset when I went back to diapers but we had some really heavy duty conversations. She looked at my not telling her right from the start of our marriage (well, back then it was girls gym suits, panties, etc) as cheating even though I'd been involved in this from my very early teens. My shrink's point of view was that it was pretty reasonable for me to keep it hidden. Obviously she didn't like it when she found out - I was right all along that she wouldn't accept it.

I won't bother with all the boring details but at a point several months ago we had a talk and agreed to disagree. She hates the idea of me wearing diapers and I continue to need them (again, won't bother with the whole why).

I had my prostate reamed out in June because of legit medical issues and as a result of the surgery really needed protection a lot of the time. My agreement with my wife was to wear, but not in front of her. With her blessing, I'd bought Depend pullups for protection after surgery and when we travelled, I explained I was going to use regular diapers (Attends) because they would be easier to change. There have been any number of times when she knew full well I'd wet and had to use a rest area restroom to change. Nothing was said.

Since then, I've quietly slipped into 24/7 mode wearing my attends and plastic pants during the day and for the most part when I'm around her, the Depen pullups - under my pajamas at night. In my last therapy session, I was saying I thought I'd have to have another talk with my wife soon. My shrink absolutely discouraged me at this point at least, until I understand things better. My relationship with my wife has improved, but I'm also sure a part of it right now is that I've been wearing 24/7 as I want to.

Now, the short side. Advice: don't try to explain to your wife why you wear diapers if you don't understand yourself. Don't tell her if you can't defend why you wear. Yes, that puts you in jeopardy in terms of the relationship. It is a risk, but if you can't stay away (or don't want to) you're just going to have to cope.

I've been very fortunate in finding a shrink who understands diapers and has also helped me immensely in other areas of my life as well. I'm not going to tell others that this is what they ought to do. I have no idea if therapy or anything else would help anyone else. Aside from that, there is a lot of good advice here from others.

As in my case, it seems like you need to work on your relationship. Fixing the relationship will have its own rewards and may or may not help the diaper situation. But keep working on the relationship as primary. Good luck with both the main issues of the relationship and your desire to incorporate diapers into your life.

[Nat]

You might need to leave her if she doesn't accept them. You two can come up with a compromise like you won't wear when she is around. Do not force her into it.

[babylin]

STOP being defensive. Be positive! When it comes up again, point out all the benefits you get from wearing diapers. Don't make it sound that these are also her inadequacies....your needs that she is not meeting. The diapers keep you sane,help you to relax, feel secure, and de-stress, among other things.

As far as I know my wife of 30 years does not know. She demanded fidelity when we got married. Wearing diapers has really helped me keep that promise.

So point out for her how your wearing of diapers is benefitting her. Like most of us, she may have her own "potty training" traumas. Her demands on you may be her attempt to control her own issues. Thus it is your problem, not hers. She is OK and you are NOT OK.

Her demand that you stop is not treating you with respect. It seems to be a "control" or "power" issue.

Don't give in to that mindless, childishness of "If you really loved me, you would quit." Guilt is only a manipulative tool.

Happiness Is Wearing Cotton Diapers

[RockinBaby]

Two marriages went down the drain, because my mate didn't want any part of diapers and thought it was weird I liked them. I feel comfy in cloth diapers and have a better outlook in life cuz I wear em.

[DiaperPailPat]

I broke up with my first "serious" girlfriend back in the 1970s because I knew she'd never accept my diapers. With her, the topic never even came up and I don't think she ever even knew of my desires. But the ways she spoke of the idea of one day having children ("I NEVER want children because I couldn't stand having to deal with their DISGUSTING DIAPERS!") said it all.

Over the years I've noticed that women who have seemed open to the idea of ME in diapers are ones who have no problem taking care of real babies in diapers. And vice-versa.

With that thought partly in mind, my next serious girlfriend ended up being one who often babysat her friends' kids who were in diapers. She often made jokes about changing their diapers and didn't mind this at all. So I slowly brought up the idea of ME doing it and at first she was fine with it. We had many fun times with me in my diapers and her changing them.

But after a year or two, she slowly began to sour on the idea. She complained if she thought I wore them too much. At one point she said she had a bad dream about me and my diapers and didn't want me to do it anymore. This, and other unrelated problems, led to us breaking up after four years.

I should point out that for the first two years of the relationship she would not have sex. She kept saying that she wanted to "save herself" for marriage. I think she let me wear my diapers as somewhat of a substitute. Once she finally changed her mind and started having sex with me, she began disapproving of my diapers. It was like "now that we do this, you don't need that anymore."

So we broke up. For years I wondered if it was because of my diapers. I recently learned that a few years after the break-up she came out as a lesbian. So in retrospect, maybe my diapers didn't have much to do with it after all.

By then I was in my mid-20s and decided that if I ever get married, it will have to be to a woman who accepts and understands (and even participates) in my love of diapers. And I finally found one. There are plenty of other issues that are problems, but at least she's OK with that.

Bottom line: you are who you are, and you won't be happy being married to someone who doesn't accept all aspects of your personality.

[CBD]

At risk of stating what should be abundantly obvious from the posts above, waiting until after marriage to discuss diapers is irresponsible and (to put it mildly!) inconsiderate to your partner. The only respectful thing to do these situations of spousal disapproval is to be open about the fact that an affinity for diapers is not something that goes away ... nor is it something which one chooses. It is a part of oneself from very early on.

If being married to a person with an affinity for diapers is not something that your spouse can accept, they will need to make arrangements for a divorce-- because they are in fact married to such a person, and a divorce is the only thing which can change that.

[Justforfunqld]

CBD ... As it happens that is exactly what I am going through. We still love each other but the challenges and difference are irreconcilable. We have tried for 7 years to make this work, but before this year has ended we will go our separate ways. My fetish is one issue. There are many more mutualproblems that we have not been able resolve. Sad ... But that is the way things have turned out.

[gah!ghost]

I feel like I would never be able to be friends with anyone, let alone married to someone, who wouldn't accept just about any odd behavior short of seriously injuring yourself or others. Anyone who has hangups about behavior like that isn't really my sort of person because I'm not that sort of person. It likely has some to do with my own varied unusual interests but even if I had none I'd hope I'd be totally okay with anything anyone else was into.

I know my parents have biases like that and I am always getting on their collective cases for things as minor as complaining about people with tattoos.

[Wheels]

Did you ever stop to think maybe she views your diaper's as "The Other Woman" competition for your love...

The way diapers make me feel, I could easily see this being a concern for any partner of a diaper lover. And trying to squelch your desire for them is similar to ignore or change ones sexuality, in a way. It's a tough situation.

[Kevin cook]

Yes I'm there now . I'm 34 years old & still want to do it cause I've done it all my life cause of my mother all she new how to do was holler at me every moment she could and when I got older I started hollering back then I went for my mechanism. Now I'm a bum on disability and can't work cause of seizures and that don't help ! My wife doesn't understand all she says it's not normal & I told her maybe not but I can't help it !! I told her she had a decent childhood & she got along with both of her parents , she didn't have her mother hollering at her 24/7 like me there's a difference & that's why I have what's gone on but she just don't get it ! I think the main reason is because she thinks I'll take the diaper over her !! NOT !!! It's not as good as my sweet wife !!! I told her there isn't anything better than her no matter what & nothing could replace her!!!! The bad thing is I've done it all the years before I even met her , she didn't know cause I didn't tell her cause I was to ashamed to not that I wanted to hide it from her !!! I can't help what my f/n mother did to me at my younger stage of life !!!! Hopefully she will understand cause she knows how my mother is & I don't talk to her anymore & it's not gone to change !!!!!!

[Forced2wet]

Due to the threat of a perilous partner revealing my secret to my new partner I was honest about my thing for wearing and wetting when we first got together.

Initially she was happy to go along with it, dressing me up occasionally for bed and even going as far as having a day where she treated me like a baby (our relationship had bought out a AB side I never realised she had)

Since that time she seems to have gone cold on the idea, which is a little upsetting BUT if it's a choice between making the love of my life happy or pestering her to do something she's uncomfortable with then there's no competition.

Whilst I miss the closeness I felt by her taking part and will never have the joy again of shopping for AB/DL bits. I'd rather wear in secret when I get the urge the lose the best thing that has ever happened to me

[Walesiswet]

So sorry to see that many members are made to feel bad about wearing what is essentially a pad between their legs.

All human beings should understand and respect each other for all the strange things we get up to.

Intolerance of these things makes relationships hard and people live their lives sad wishing they'd spent more time doing something they enjoy or get a kick out off.

What I find worse is that these wife's/partners have initially excepted the fetish as part of you and then move the goalposts. That's just not fair.

[oliver d]

In my case a bit different ,I only really came out to my wife that

[happyindprs]

Can you explain why was it easier to come out to your wife after her accident?

[kevindhca]

The issue here is personal respect.

It doesn't matter when you told your SO about your need to wear.

It also doesn't matter if your need to wear is physical or mental, both are equally valid.

The point is you were comfortable enough about a very private situation to reveal details about yourself you would not reveal to anyone. If your SO doesn't like who you are, that's their problem, not yours. If you are happy with who you are, so be it.

If I could change who I am, that would have happened a long time ago given the stigma attached to diapers, and the effects on a young boy growing up.

My wife realizes that's just who I am. She married me, all of me, not just the parts she finds agreeable.

Trust me, there are plenty of things she does that are not to my complete agreement, but that's just who she is, and those are the things that make her who she is, the woman I love. If it wasn't that way, she would be someone else, maybe we would have never met.

Now that we are older, she has started to have her own incontinence issues. She has to wear a pad at all times now, but doesn't have to hide that from me at all.

A long time ago, she said she would never wear a pad all the time. You never know what the future will bring. If a person can't handle diapers, their gonna have a difficult time in their elderly years, or maybe a lot sooner than that.

[oliver d]

Why was it easier for me to come out to her after her accident? She had changed as a person because she had come close to being killed in a gas explosion .Her attitude changed about life she started to life her life and not take