How Did You Work Through Shame?

[colbie]

Im 26 years old and for almost twenty years I've been repressing my sissy and DL urges because of the shame and embarassment that I associate with it. I'm working with a counselor to come to a healthier place and so Im hoping some people can weigh in onhow you moved through the shame factor to be accepting of your desires.

Specifically . . .

Was there a time when you were ashamed or felt you had to hide or run from your desires to wear diapers for fun or be a sissy for fun?

What flipped the switch for you? How did you come to terms with it and get to a point where you could jsut enjoy wearing and indulging in your ab/dl/sissy side?

[belinda_sue_fox]

I was too young to have the embarassment. Two older sisters and a neighbour who was my best friend, who had the best shoes ever. But i had evil parents (ok not evil but for this post) who made me give them back to her.

A lot of embarrasment to self percieved, either people don't care or don't know.

I've been lucky my parents have found stuff even offered to wash stuff from early age to just not saying anything unless i bring it up.

Partner wise is different i suppose, you either search out/naturaly are drawn to people who won't mind or just accept anyone then keep things a secret.

So yea most of it is self "inflicted" if your embarrassed.

[kidandplay]

I have dealt with shame most of my teenage/adult life. One day I was feed up with feeling like shit about it. So I stayed diapered, long after my shame had rolled in. Just me, a wet diaper, and mirror. No clothes. Writing down what I felt and why I felt the way I did. Ect. For some reason this worked for me. I was able to recognize bad thoughts and what triggered my shame, and deal with the emotion instead of saying "I'm a loser", or what have you. It sounds lame but I feel so much more proud and accepting of myself than i did ever before. Hope this helps. Peace, KiD

[superdiaperbaby]

Oh yes I was ashamed from 6 years old up until college, so that was about 12 years. I felt like a freak and that I was the only one out there with this desire.

What flipped the switch for me was getting caught by my roommates. I had to face them and eventually I had to defend myself from their jokes. Also I was on an AOL chat room and someone said, lose the shame or lose the fetish, you pick. When I defended myself I came up with really good reasons as to why I liked them. That actually minimized the jokes and they accepted that it was a part of me, because I was no longer ashamed of it.

Really you need to make a big effort to lose it. The same shame I felt when I was 6 was potty training shame. If you have ever seen a kid who has an accident there is definite shame. I remember when I was younger I had an accident and I cried and felt terrible that I had wet my pants. I think it is because potty training is a form of brainwashing. We get praise when we do it and when we don't we get shamed. So now you have to get passed years and years of enforcement of the idea that "big kids don't wear diapers."

I recommend becoming proud of who you are. That can destroy shame. Think about how good diapers are and how you have this superpower that most people don't have. You are a superhero. You have a secret identity that can make you relax that normals don't have. You have found a comfort superpower that regular people don't have. They turn to drugs and alcohol. You can enjoy diapers. Be proud. Don't dwell on shame and you won't have it.

Super Diaper Baby

[paradox]

My gf is how i got through the same, she positively re-enforced wearing diapers and eventually my ab side so I could let it out. before I was repressed, ashamed, and very unhappy with this lifestyle. Suffice to say for me it was the acceptance of someone important in my life that changed how I felt.

[M 90]

Man, there is a lot of good info in this thread. I can relate to every post so far although I am just ab/dl, no sissy desires. I am in no way cured of the shame aspect but so far the actions I have taken have greatly eased the shame aspect. For me it has been a combination of counseling and journaling. I have been briefly journaling on whenever I have ab/dl desires throughout the day. Journaling on like what triggered the desires, how I felt and what I was thinking while having the desires, stuff like that. Then at the end of the week dissecting the journal entries with my therapist. For me it seems like writing stuff down on paper tends to make things very real.

The main thing I have discovered is that when it comes to my desires I am my own worst enemy. Even my ex-wife who could not accept this part of me would have never been nearly as cruel to me as I can be to myself about my desires, you dig?

Another way I see it is that I am also a recovering alcoholic/addict. A common saying in the 12 step program I am apart of is that "I may not be responsible for my disease but I am definitely responsible for my recovery"

So I may not be responsible for my ab/dl desires (which I believe I am not) but nothing or no one else is going to make me ok with it. The only way for me to truly accept this about myself has to come by way of an inside job.

We can either live as victims of our desires or we can do the footwork to learn how to be the masters of our desires.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Colbie, Great post! Outstanding replies..enjoyed reading all of them!! Keep it going!

Most of my shame or embarrassment diminished significantly when I found this site. Finding others like me was very liberating. I still feel a little embarrassed now and then, but for the most part, I've accepted who I am. Before I found DD, I was very, very ashamed of my desires. Not knowing really why I had these desires was the hardest part. To this day, only one other person in my life knows as it's not something I want to broadcast. I'm comfortable with that, but if others found out in my real life, I know I would feel much more ashamed as I'm sure they would not understand, no matter what I told them. So, as long as I control that aspect of it, I'm good.

[Bettypooh]

Was there a time when you were ashamed or felt you had to hide or run from your desires to wear diapers for fun or be a sissy for fun? .... How did you come to terms with it and get to a point where you could just enjoy wearing and indulging in your ab/dl/sissy side?

Being kind of modest I still feel some shame about some things but generally I'm over it And what I'm not over I face bravely- or should I say I put a brave face on and do it anyway even if I feel like jello inside I'm not getting younger and there's no point in waiting till it's too late to enjoy whatever feels good in life- you're young so don't waste that like I did For me it went like this: Self acceptance, then experimenting till I found what I liked or needed, then finding others like me to talk with, then finding a safe place and way to try it in public I still feel a stab of shame when I get 'clocked' as a guy in a dress but so what- I'm doing what I want to do and that means more to me than someone elses opinion does I make myself smile and I just go on.

The only things in life worth pursuing are truth, peace, and happiness. Now go on and find them

Bettypooh

[naughty_baby]

I was very guilty to start with, I was 19 when I wore the first time I have been thinking about being babied since I was 10-11 or so but I obviously didn't know it was a fetish/lifestyle I just thought I was weird. But I put my first diaper on at 19 when my partner found out about it.

I did feel extremely guilty as I have a young daughter who's only 2 and a half now, I felt ashamed and it just felt wrong to me, and one time I was putting a diaper on in the bedroom I was gonna put her to bed shortly, when she came running in and saw it, its like she knew it was weird even though she was only just coming 2, sort of a "Mummy why are you wearing a diaper?" look on her face. I felt very shamed and embarrased then and shes my daughter whos to young to understand!

Now I only put one on if she is in bed rather than before. I still am not over the shame and guilt, there are evenings when I put her to bed I get my PJs and a diaper ready then have a bath but then I look at it and think 'nah I wont tonight' and I put it away. I still feel ashamed and very nervous when I wear infront of my partner too, even afraid to walk coz of the crinkle lol. But I do wear every now and again (when I can afford it lol). But for me its not just about the diaper, yes it makes me feel littler but its all about snuggling etc and sucking my thumb makes me feel little. I do love to wear diapers though obviously..(still need to find one that fits right mind lol).

So no I am not really over the shame and guilt, I just wear when I want to, which may be a couple times a week in the evening usually when my partner is out at work I still keep it on when he gets home though, I want to get over the nervousness so I dont take it off.

It doesn't hurt anyone and if you wear alone and tell no one you will be fine, just enjoy yourself, theres tonnes of us the same as superdiaperbaby said be proud of who you are. Incontinent people HAVE to wear diapers, there is no shame in diapers, in all reality its just another one of those things in life, so if you want to act little or feel sexual over them why not?

Hope you get over it

x

[curiositykilledthecat]

My sense of shame died when I took a trip to to the fertility clinic at Mass general hospital as a teen. and was poked, prodded and pretty much violated for the day. I'm not a sissy so I can't help you there, as for the diapers and baby stuff I do feel embarrassed from time to time, however if you enjoy it and can do so in private than don't be ashamed of it.

I spent so long supressing this side of me that when I finally discovered others ere into it i didn't really feel any more shame.

Also, if you ever go to a hospital for your man parts and see a necklace with varying size beads, don't ask what it's for. It's an instant machismo destroyer.

[Missy Q]

Is it wrong that I feel no shame/guilt about any of this?

No.

I never felt any shame or guilt. I'm too busy enjoying myself to feel ashamed.

[loopy]

I've never felt a major amount of shame either. Maybe its because I've been used to this kink for so long, since before puberty (using towels to simulate nappies :X), also had a teddy for all that time. Maybe I did feel shame at one point but its been so long now that I can't really remember. Also finding out there where others the same at the relatively young age of 15 probably helped a lot as well (I think the wetset forums where the first I found :X).

These days, sometimes, I lay there in bed, diapered up, cuddling a bear, and I think... "This is a really silly thing for an adult to be doing..." then I think "and I love it!" .

[M 90]

First off I am sorry to kind of high jack your thread colbie but I am an a similar spot as well. Secondly I hope to one day be as comfortable with me being ab/dl as some of you folks are. I suppose it really takes a matter of understanding for me to hopefully one day get there. What I have done so far seems to be the right path for me. But I guess my dilemma lies within my non-abdl side (or my ego - how the world sees me and what I put off to the world) being the polar opposite of my ab/dl side. I am not saying that any of you don't experience this its just that this is where my problem lies. Its like my ego views my ab/dl side as weak, pathetic and unacceptable which is no wonder why the shame for my ab/dl desires can be so intense at times. But I guess we are all different in our own ways.

So thanx for the topic colbie and I hope that maybe my experience, strength and hope has helped you out in any way and thanx to everyone for the reply's cause they are helping me out too.

[curiositykilledthecat]

ewell to be fair I'm not comfortable enough to be openly abdl in public. Minus the pacifier in the car.

[timmyc]

I embrace shame, for the most part as an adult I feel no shame what I do in my own house. Still some sense of shame from the distant past. I love the idea of shame and humiliation as a sexual turn on. By sexifying it, shame of the past seems like happy memories.

[turtlepins]

Wow! This is a great thread! Thanks everyone who contributed. I didn't ever think about being a sissy until was in my 50s. As a Christian I instinctively knew many of my fellow believers would condemn such desires. And wasn't I supposed to be created by God? The thing is, I have a great relationship with God and I don't feel condemned by Him, or my own conscience. My sissy side comes from my paraphilic infantilism. I know why I want it and what it means to be a sissy baby boy. My wife is a gem because she doesn't condemn me either. But there was shame in the beginning. It wasn't until I realized that God doesn't really care what kind of clothing I wear, but what's in my heart that matters that I got over the shame. It gets easier when you realize what really matters in life.

[rusty pins]

For me I think I will always feel at times that I shouldn't be wearing diapers because I have no medical problem and adults just don't wear diapers for fun. On the other hand, I do love how it feels when I'm wearing diapers but I ballence my diapers among all other facets of my life. I used to wear almost every day when I was younger but wearing only once or twice a week now is OK since I always have other things going on in my life. Diaper desires are always there but they are just one part of who I am and I don't build my life around them as some people do.

Things that have helped me are understanding how many others also like to wear diapers and why. When I first joined DPF in the 80's I learned just how many other people all over the world liked to wear diapers. I'm not an AB, but I could relate to some of the DL's back then. It also helped when I started reading the professions of many of the AB/DL's. They weren't bums, druggies or people of low I.Q.'s. Some were policemen, doctors, lawyers and even some ministers and clergymen. There were businessmen and people who ran their own corporations. I decided that if people like that could wear diapers for enjoyment then it couldn't be that bad of a thing.

I also related my wearing diapers for enjoyment to other types of fetishes. Some people have a foot fetish, others have a fetish for rubber. I knew one professional businessman (through mail) who had a rubber fetish and said he would cross a busy street just to brush up against someone's raincoat if it was made of rubber. Then you look at people who have kinky sexual fantasies and roll play when having sex and they are normal people just like everyone else. As they say, what goes on behind closed doors is no one else's business.

Another thing that helped was meeting a couple other DL's in person over the years. When you are sitting in a McDonalds or out in a boat fishing with someone else in diapers, you realize that they are regular people just like you who do regular things like fishing, golfing, running errands, having a job, wife, kids (grown) and watching TV and reading books. Even though many people do get a sexual pleasure from wearing their diapers, I've come to look at it as someting a lot of other well rounded people do for the same pleasures so I don't feel as much shame because so many other normal people do the same thing.

All that said, I do not let any family or friends know I like wearing diapers. First, it's just not accepted yet among the general public and people still think of adults who wear diapers for fun as perverts, child molesters and just plain sicko's. Granted, these are people who just don't understand what the AB/DL lifestyle is all about but the general public feeling about AB/DL's can cause some of us to feel some guilt and shame over what we do. I can't see any reasons for telling my friends and releatives that I like wearing diapers. All that would do is cause problems and have them think I'm a sicko adding to any feelings of shame or guilt. After all, my relatives and friends don't take me aside and tell me all about their kinky sex life and fantasies, so what makes AB/DL's feel that they need to tell their family and friends all about their diapers? Understanding the lifestyle does a lot to help erase some of that shame and guilt and many of us will probably still stay in the closet or feel some of that shame until the day that this lifestyle is fully understood and accepted by the majority of the general public.

[Bettypooh]

.... Its like my ego views my ab/dl side as weak, pathetic and unacceptable which is no wonder why the shame for my ab/dl desires can be so intense at times...

I felt much the same when I began my gender journey but then I met someone who told me a story of their own experience being outed among a large group of likely less-than-accepting people they could not escape from

They simply smiled and told the impertinent clods the truth- it takes a lot of balls to go out in public as a guy in a dress Seeing the truth in that and the lack of any shame expressed they all ended up getting along quite well until the roads were cleared and they could go on with their individual lives a day later

Wanting to feel like a child or baby- weak and unable to take care of oneself- takes a lot of self-acceptance and a lot more courage than it does to live a more mundane and common life Ditch the shame and embrace the strength in this truth- and go make yourself as happy as you can in whatever way feels best to you

Bettypooh

[M 90]

I felt much the same when I began my gender journey but then I met someone who told me a story of their own experience being outed among a large group of likely less-than-accepting people they could not escape from

They simply smiled and told the impertinent clods the truth- it takes a lot of balls to go out in public as a guy in a dress Seeing the truth in that and the lack of any shame expressed they all ended up getting along quite well until the roads were cleared and they could go on with their individual lives a day later

Wanting to feel like a child or baby- weak and unable to take care of oneself- takes a lot of self-acceptance and a lot more courage than it does to live a more mundane and common life Ditch the shame and embrace the strength in this truth- and go make yourself as happy as you can in whatever way feels best to you

Bettypooh

Thank you, I needed to hear that

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well I finally flaunted my ab side a bit in public tonight as i busted out my pacifier very briefly at the grocery store while grocery shopping with DW. I even tried using a bottle tonight. No biggie, it's just kind of funny when you have to ask, "How does this thing work?"

Just take baby steps my friend, excuse the pun, and in time you will become more comfortable with who you are.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Hi rusty pins!

Nice to see you on the boards. Always enjoy reading your posts. Another outstanding, articulate and well thought out reply!!

[Markley]

Shame is something I dont know I'll ever comepletely grow out of.

Granted, I'm just a DL, and "soiling" myself isn't something I enjoy doing.

I think the problem I'm dealing with, is how I was raised.

Both of my parents (who are still together) were always very proud people, and very materialistic. Anything out of place, or not up to par, was not to be expected.

Going through school, I made things a battle for them. I never gave a hoot about school, so grades were poor.

I was always against any kind of sports as a child, and was actually very emotional. My Dad hated this.

Failing a grade, and having to take summer school to graduate High School, they didnt see much hope in my future.

So Shame has always been with me for everything. I had to be tough, manly, hardcore, and smart....

but I was always afraid to defend myself.

I've always been weak and feeble.

My lack of caring about my education resulted lack of confidence.

If I got to upset about something, my emotions got the best of me...

...and I wanted to wear diapers...

I felt I was failing the people who I believed to be more important to me than anyone else... My parents.

I always seen Diapers as my deepest and darkest failure in my life, so I always kept it to myself, making sure no one would ever know, so at least they never found out about that.. I think.

After highschool, I have kept down steady jobs, never been fired, worked and fought for everything I have, and made my parents very proud. My relationship with them is that of a very strong and close friendship.I would do anything for them.

I have made it a goal of mine to become more of a man. I have changed everything about me. I went from dressing like a dork, to looking like some member of a heavy metal band. (I get this all the time from people, so this is the only thing I can come up with.) I went from quiet and emotional to not being afraid to be heard, and stand my ground.

as a result, I have become even closer to my parents.

I have a wonderful relationship with the girl that I wish to be with for the rest of my life.

I have gained respect from all my co-workers, and gained some great friends.

And, I have fought harder than anyone in my family to earn everything I have, making me a tough and proud man.

But when I come home, I find myself wearing diapers to ease my mind, relax, and sleep.

I hate it that for me to chill out, I have to wear a diaper. The rest of my time, is spent wondering who I really am, and wanting to be something even more.

Because of my shame of wanting to wear diapers, it seems that I try to make up for it by becoming something greater...

I have thought countless times about seeking help from a shrink or something, just to see if there is something wrong with me, and see what I need to do to find a happy medium, where I can constantly enjoy myself without continuing to shape myself into what I want to be.

My shame in wearing diapers hasn't been as great as it has been, though. My girlfriend seems to be very understanding about my reasons for wearing, and the diapers stay at home. Nobody else needs to know, so I am more comfortable with my desire/fetish, but I'll always carry what shame I do have as long as I'm trying to improve myself.

I believe most of my overall shame is over everything else I have been working to get rid of.... I dont know.

[rusty pins]

Hi rusty pins!

Nice to see you on the boards. Always enjoy reading your posts. Another outstanding, articulate and well thought out reply!!

Thanks! It's nice to see some positive comments instead of flaming and negative comments to other members posts. Too bad more members aren't like you.

[Phil Schwartz]

Personal shame, for me, is not an issue. Societal shame, however, is.

Let me explain. As a small child, being able to wet/mess myself at strategic moments was a defense against abuse, and it worked well enough that I was/am proud of myself for coming up with it and doing it. As an adult, I wear diapers every day everywhere without shame. Without even thinking about it, most times. My wife understands and supports me.

However, I don't use my diapers anywhere anyone might notice, not even around my wife. Only when I am home alone do I feel I can do that freely. There are some things that are just beyond acceptance by others, and so I would never want to be caught with a poopy diaper. (Although it has happened that the UPS delivery driver has rang the doorbell at an inopportune moment.) Being wet isn't necessarily intrusive on others, so I'll do that on occasion when out and about, without shame.

Wearing makes me strong and confident, and I don't give a whit what anyone else thinks, if they even have noticed at all. Using makes me feel powerful, but it would indeed be shameful for me if others were to (literally) hold their noses at my presence, or avoid me altogether. The shame would come from embarrassment at offending others' senses, rather than offending their sensibilities, and that is easily avoided.

[paradox]

It is easy to get over shame, I hear booze helps. then get in your car and drive real fast...what a rush!